#like he's speaking about soul itself I guess and how it can change

[snowmeow03]

I suddenly realized that as a pegasister, I have never formally drawn ponyplates (hoofplates??) in my way, so suddenly (literally 3am in my time zone) I wanna give it a shot.

I thought about Gaster's cutting, and in theory, since he's not a skeleton anymore, shearing his fur is obviously the best choice. But I feel that it doesn't capture the vibe of him “ripping apart his own body", so in the end, I chose to let him cut his horn. Hmm, maybe the body part full of magic is a must to create baby ponies.

Theoretically speaking, it's more reasonable for both of the brothers to be unicorns, but when I pictured Papyrus, I see him more as a pegasus. Well perhaps there're some pegasus in pony Gaster's family tree. But there's kind of a problem that Pegasus can already fly, how can I show the "special" of Papyrus? So, like, why not make Papyrus only have one wing! Perhaps another one was chopped off by Gaster to prevent him from escaping or something. Sans, I really can't imagine any way to disguise his blind eyes as well as showing his unique eye sockets, I mean, since he's not a skeleton anymore (again). In the end, I chose the latter between fidelity to the character and making sense, although this made them a bit less recognizable (sadly)

I hesitated for a long time about the cutie mark. Gaster’s was more straightforward, I needed to came up with something that is related to science but can also reflect the fate of "doing experiments", so I settled on this thing (funny enough, I still don’t know what it’s called, even though it’s probably common knowledge...?). In fact, I also want to express an abstract concept of "recording", including recording the timeline, "recording" the changes in Dreemurrs' and the underground world, and "recording" Radic's actions? Unfortunately, I really can't find a way to reflect the fate of falling into the core on it! The cutie marks of the brothers is much more difficult because they do not have a very specific hobby/lifestyle (like science for Gaster) to represent themselves, which is complicate - if I have to pick, I think their representative items are scarves and socks (...!) - although Papyrus loves puzzles, using puzzles as cutie mark cannot reflect his most important principles and personality, and Sans is even more difficult to handle. In short, their representatives are very abstract, and I find it so hard to summarize their very selves with a single mark on their flank! At last I tried to consider after combining the characteristic of "brothers", positive and negative. I always feel that Gaster's red scarf represents his kind heart, inherited by Papyrus along with the scarf itself, so it naturally occupies a place in his mark (unlike socks to Sans, lol). Sans' mark is more abstract, those things can actually be seen as dissipating dust or as a part of lost head, representing, uh, some obvious things...I guess? I actually even considered using the shapes of the souls Gaster gave them, representing Gaster himself who plays a huge part in their lives, but well it's a little bit tragic if you think about that, their lives should be less of him (in the sense of experiments), so I didn't do that in the end.

I also considered about the clothes. Well...Different from monsters, ponies normally don't wear clothes, in this situation it'll be weird if Gaster specially made lab clothes for the brothers to wear, so I l just let them go naked. Once again, the recognizability has unfortunately decreased...! (also about Sans' clothes, I don't think ponies actually "need" pockets...right?)

Yeah and about the plates, I literally cannot figure out where the plates should go, Gaster was trying to make sure the brothers suffer as he wanted to cut ties with them (at least that's what I thought), so they can't be anything like horseshoes. Tags on the ears are great, but still a little bit off, and I can't think of any "plates" fits both settings of pony and handplates... So I ended up going with brand marks (actually I set this for Dreemurrs in alterplates as well). As for the placement? I think they shall be the lower half and it'll be too screwed up if they were on the cutie marks, so hind legs it is. I don't think ponies wear pants, so I made the brothers wear leggings.

btw I think the brothers got the cutie marks right after Sans yeeted Gaster into the core (welp)

[fleurriee]

— here with you ; neteyam sully

pairing ; neteyam sully x fem!reader

synopsis ; sometimes, things can just get too much for you - especially when you feel like the entire world is against you. but, it isn’t, because neteyam’s there, and he’ll always be there.

word count ; 7.2k

themes ; angst, fluff, established relationship (mates)

warnings ; death of parents, panic/anxiety attacks...

author’s note ; these requests are always taking me so long & im so sorry about that,, i guess i just want them to be perfect, so i then get kinda scared to start them.. but i loved this one, so tysm for requesting!! this was also a bit sadder than i think either of you wanted but this plot came to me the instance i read these sososososo <33 i also want to say that im in no way trying to romanticise these particular situations & if it’s coming across that way, please let me know and help me understand how i can change it <3 requested & requested

main masterlist request a fic!

Standing side by side, yourself and Neteyam stood tall and proud, for once no eyes upon the two of you, but the ceremony playing out before you. You were next to the rest of Neteyam’s family, too, each of them paying close attention to those in front of them.

At the very front of the entire clan stood two Na’vi, face to face with beaming smiles upon their features, eyes never once leaving one another’s as they started to speak their vows to one another, but also to the Great Mother herself. It was their mating ceremony, one that had been planned for a few weeks now, and the entire clan had come together in order to celebrate such a special day alongside them.

Even you can see it’s a beautiful, such ethereality emanating around you and pulsing with life, as if the earth around you could feel the happiness on top, too, wanting to join in and feel the same things. Bioluminescent fauna had been plucked by foragers and strung up all around the area, flickering on and off with a heartbeat of life, and creating an effervescent glow that shone down on them. Platters of food that had been hunted, prepared and cooked beforehand were surrounding them, piled high with all sorts, but particularly the mate’s favourites, seeing as it was their day. And, the people - they were covered head to toe paint that represented the Omatikaya clan, flowers placed delicately into woven hair and beads hanging from their necks to signify their strength in the clan, in the union before them, relishing in the feeling over not only the couple coming together as one, but the entire clan, too.

The love that could be felt all around was encapsulating - it was hard to ignore from the moment it was announced they were to mate in a few weeks time, let alone the day it would be happening. It was obvious from where you were standing beside your own mate that they were meant to be together, that Ewya had chosen yet again another good match, and each and every one of the people were excited to see them grow.

And, you were happy for them, of course you were. You’d give anything to have others understand and experience the love you felt for Neteyam, because it was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of feeling. It was a feeling where all you really knew was him, one where he felt like your other half, like your soul had been split into two and given over to him to carry and hold onto you with the utmost care. He did the same thing with your heart, after all - always holding it close to his own, caressing it with gentle touches and soft kisses, constantly reminding you of the love he held for you, too, as you did the same with his heart in your own calloused hands.

But, despite repeatedly telling yourself that you weren’t going to do this today, that you were going to be happy and deal with your lingering emotions after the ceremony itself, you own reprimands didn’t work. It was their day, you should’ve been watching them, but they were standing too close for you to simply ignore…

It was always custom for both pairs of parents to be up their with their children whilst they were bonding before both Ewya and the clan, standing behind their children and watching with the proudest smiles possible. Loving eyes reflected down up them, some even shedding a few tears, smiles wide and ecstatic, no doubt their minds already how the rest of their lives were going to play out.

You heart broke at the sight of them, both pairs, all four individual parents, watching and smiling and just being there. As soon as your eyes settled on them, it was so difficult to get and move them away. The longer you stared, the more your resolve began to crack, piece by piece, until you were sure you were going to shatter.

Many years ago, when you were younger, just a small Na’vi child growing up in a clan that appreciated every one of its people, attempting to make a place for yourself in its vast expanses… your parents fatally died. It was during another war with the humans, the evilness coming back and spreading like a disease until it felt the tortuous need to take not only one, but both of your parents away from you. You’re not entirely sure what exactly killed them, refusing to ask, knowing it would only make you spiral down until you were too scared you’d never make your way back up, but you’d have a general idea, and that haunted you more often than you’d like to admit.

Because you were only a child - a child that needed their mother to show her what it was to be a woman, teach her the way of how to properly care for a family and their mate, but staying strong and fierce and protective; a child that needed their father to ensure she was always safe in the care of his arms, to teach her how to hunt and fight back whenever someone was mean, or stand her ground against those that wished her harm to her heart.

But, you’d barely gotten that far with them.

Your parents’ deaths had hit you harder than you could’ve ever anticipated - sure, it was always going to be a difficult journey you were forced to embark on, but not one would you have believed it would still be here now, keeping you awake some nights and feeling as though it was slowly going to tear you apart and ruin the life you’d somehow managed to make for yourself, without them.

For all your time with them, you had been so incredibly close, that when they died, it felt like a part of yourself had been ripped away with them, too; as though you now had a whole within your soul that you could never get back, that always stay missing. You were their only child - having never been given the opportunity of having more the way they’d wanted - so they were constantly doting on you, showing you their ways and becoming your bestest friends.

They weren’t just your parents - they were your people.

Throughout the beginning, people were always around you, sheltering you with careful hands like you were suddenly made of fragile glass; and, you guess you were, because one wrong word, and the floodgates would open and it would be incredibly difficult to force them closed again. So many people from your clan offered you their aid, allowing you their shoulders to cry on or to talk to them about whatever was bothering you, offering up their time and their patience and their advice, just so you could be a small semblance of normality for once. Even people you had never spoken to before had come up to you, offering you their condolences and reassuring you that it’ll eventually get better.

But, it hadn’t - not really. Even though you were doing okay, you were happy with a mate and his family, with a future held close to your heart that you were excited to explore… and yet, their memories still echoed within the confines of your mind, sometimes praising and doting on you, sometimes screaming and yelling at you. It felt like a never ending cycle, and you couldn’t tell if you wanted it to disappear, or keep it with you, just to hear their voices one last time, even if they were disappointed in you.

You appreciated everything the clan was doing for you throughout such a tough time, but you never took any of them up on their sweet offers. You knew each and every one of them meant what they’d said to you, that you were more than welcome inside their homes to talk, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk through the tent flap and ask for help.

None of them would truly know what you’d gone through at such a young age, at least not those that hadn’t been through a similar situation yourself. If they hadn’t had a family member as close as you were to your parents yourself, you found there was no real point in confiding in them when the advice they’d give you would only feel invalid.

Despite your mind tearing in to two polar opposites - one side screaming at you to get help, to talk all your rantings out into the open air so you weren’t as burdened as you were with them, and the other side echoing negative thoughts of they’d never understand, it’s all false, they don’t really care - there were two people who had an understanding of your emotions. Jake and Neytiri - the Olo’eyktan and his mate. Those two had gone through their own traumatic experiences that were similar to your own - both of them losing family they loved irrevocably due to such terrible circumstances, and still managing to come out on top, something you continued to look up to massively to this day.

With that in mind, knowing how you looked up at them like they had all the answers you’d ever needed or wanted, they took you under their wing. They became a second set of parents, so to speak - although they both knew they could never replace your biological ones - but it was something that slowly began to help your journey back to what you hoped was normalcy. They helped you grow as if you were their own, sheltering you from the harsh realities of your world, but shaping you into the woman you are today, at the same time. They tried their best to act as though your parents would’ve done in certain circumstances, knowing when these things happened, your glossy eyes would travel through a crowd in search for their warm presence, only to come up empty and cold.

That emptiness and coldness didn’t last long, however, not when Jake and Neytiri were just a step behind you, ready to envelop you in their own warmth and cage you away until you were happy again.

This was something that was always inevitable, though, being a part of the Sully family. Both Jake and Neytiri, alongside your own parents, had previously been discussing the idea of you and Neteyam (their firstborn) mating when you become of age, believing you to be a match made in heaven and perfect for one another. And, for a while, they were just hushed discussions of possibilities hidden away from any other prying ears, excitement coursing through the four of them at the idea of such a future.

When your parents died, that never stopped their ideas - no, if anything, it only fuelled it on more. Jake and Neytiri knew how excited your parents were at their own child having a mate, let alone one who was always known to be such a gentleman, so sweet and caring, never mind being next in line for Olo’eyktan. They knew despite the horrific change of events you found yourself in, they’d want you to be the happiest you could be, by finding a mate you adored and moving on to create your own family, even if it absolutely broke your heart to begin with.

So, it was almost a perfect slot of the puzzle - having you around all the time, now living with the rest of the Sully family as the two of them cared for you the way you always deserved, gave them the opportunity to slowly push you and Neteyam closer together. And, as time slowly trickled by, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, each one filled with thoughts of your parents smiling faces, you began to fall in love with him, just like they’d always imagined you doing.

Of course, it was a slightly rocky relationship to begin with. You were still in your mourning period - and, you’d argue that you still weren’t entirely out of it now - meaning you’d rather have just melted away into the shadows so you could cry silently to yourself in your despair, not wishing to bother anyone with your true emotions. It can be hard to talk to people sometimes, when they know what you’ve been through, such a private side of your life you wished you could keep in secret, when they treated you like the child you always were… like you were always going to be the same age you were when they died, like you’d died that day, too.

Neteyam was… persistant, however, wanting to see you come out of your shell and be the person you were before, because he’d always thought you were cute, inside and out. He took his time, making sure to take small steps so as not to overwhelm you all at once, but things like seeking you out in a crowd and checking in on you, inviting you to places and bringing you wherever with him, being there to listen to every single one of your rambles, no matter how long they took, and calming you down when it all became too much… it all exuded the strength of his will and determination full of both love and meaningfulness.

He was perfect - Neteyam was perfect, and whilst it took you a little while to warm up to him and fully realise it… you were falling in love with him.

After a while, Jake and Neytiri had told you the truth; about all those times themselves and your parents had spoken about the two of you mating. They were expecting backlash, mainly from yourself, but instead all your felt was warmth in your heart. Somehow, even in death, your parents were looking out for you - they’d known all the time that Neteyam was the one for you, planning this out for a surprise, and even when they were no longer standing beside you, they were guiding you along the path made specifically for you.

You’d never been looking forward to something as much as your own mating ceremony - Neteyam was the one for you, someone you couldn’t wait to truly start the rest of your life with. And, as any Na’vi do, they have their mating ceremony, standing at the front of the clan as they recite their vows and speak the words of thanks to the Great Mother, before celebrations commence whilst the newly appointed mates leave to bond with Tsaheylu.

The two of you had that when the time came, the atmosphere around you buzzing and the life emanating from absolutely everything showing off such beauty it started to tear up your eye line. The excitement you were feeling was unlike anything else, naturally so, eyes crinkled and smile beaming as all you felt was elevation, looking up at your mate as he smiled down at you like he was the luckiest Na’vi alive.

But, there was a realisation that came to you full force, smacking you in the head and forcing you back down to reality as your features started to fall…

Your parents weren’t there…

They should’ve been - they were your parents. They should’ve been stood right behind you, looking down at your elated form, all beaming smiles and teary eyes, proud as they watched you take the next step in your life, moving on from one chapter to the next in bliss.

And, whilst they were still looking down at you now, even in that moment, it wasn’t the same - it was never going to be the same. They were too far away, too high up for you to reach out and grab them and try and pull them back down, all so you could embrace them wholly again and force them to stay at home that particular day. No matter how much you imagined it in your mind, it was never going to happen - you couldn’t change what had already been done.

Your once blissful mood had tumbled off the edge when such a painful realisation hit you, despite wishing to have kept up with the happiness of your ceremony. Once holding on tightly to Neteyam’s hands, they now became looser, like you weren’t feeling it all as much as you were before, your eyes becoming glossy as they glazed over, and your ears falling flat against your head in despair. You looked so broken in that moment, when it was supposed to be a happy day.

Taking one look at you, for just a split second, Neteyam had grown terrified that you’d gotten cold feet, that you no longer wished to be his mate and wanted to run away as far as possible from him and pretend like none of this ever happened. He wouldn’t know what he’d do if that was the case - he’d wanted you to call his own for as long as he could remember, so this possibility was nerve-wracking and scary for him.

But, when his eyes trailed over your dejected form and over to his parents, eyes pleading with them for help as he wondered what he should do, as he wondered how to understand, the both of them came to the same conclusion. Instantly, they understood what was wrong in your sudden change of mood, of what had caused it. They knew the signs, they could tell just by the way you acted. Jake and Neytiri had spoken of this beforehand, about there being an obvious gap that would be noticeable during the ceremony, and they knew that eventually, you would come upon that realisation, too. So, they’d prepared for it.

With precise movements, Neytiri moved away from her spot that was once behind Neteyam, and moved closer to yourself, standing where your parents would’ve been. She gave a gentle touch to your shoulder, one that felt instantly reassuring, that spoke words describing how proud she was of you, how much you meant to her, that you would always be apart of the family, no matter what. To her, you would always be her daughter, regardless of whether you were mated to Neteyam or not.

You looked over your shoulder at her, receiving a loving, tender smile, her head tilted to the side slightly and her eyes full of sympathy. It filled your heart with warmth to see her standing behind you, ensuring you that your parents were still there in spirit, that she would take the mantle and make things so much easier for you. Such a sight spoke more than words ever could, slowly starting to feel like you could do this, as you turned back to Neteyam, sending him a gentle smile and nodding, letting him know that this what definitely what you wanted.

It would never have been the same without your parents there, of course - that was a given - but this was the next best thing, and you would take it with open arms. With Neytiri behind you, Jake not too far and your loving Neteyam in front of you, you knew that you’d always have a family, a home, a place and a people to call your own.

Unfortunately, despite these little assurances you received every so often, it never meant your heartbreak went away.

It got better with time, just like everything did, and slowly but surely, it become something you could live with. But, there were always going to be certain circumstances where everything became too much, where you remembered all your old feelings and emotions, coming back stronger and harsher; struggling to keep your emotions at bay and hidden away from any prying eyes, willing the fear back into your eyes before you made a scene on a day that wasn’t about you.

So, breathing deeply and sucking it up, you forced your eyes to stay on the happy couple, watching the mating ceremony before you. You listened to their reciting vows, loving looks shared between them, their parents behind them, proud, and the clan around you cheering in celebration, in jubilation.

Without having realised it until now, you were holding your breath, like at any moment you knew you were going to explode. Heartbeat picking up in its speed, you can’t quite bring yourself to let the breath go, to sigh in relief that everyone was starting to disperse around you so the rest of the celebration can begin. Instead, you’re instantly rushing away, making quick work with your movements to get as far away as possible. You don’t bother saying anything to your family as you continue to push past people in a hurry, no apologies or goodbyes slipping from your tongue - all you know is you’re desperate for more air and less people.

Unknown to you, however, during that entire ceremony, Neteyam could feel the emotions that were emanating off of you like you were wearing them on your sleeve. His eyes had constantly trailed down to your smaller frame, watching you for any signs of distress or panic. When he’d found what he could originally feel, he felt his heart break, knowing that you were in pain, and that it was only moments before you’d need to leave.

Before the end of the ceremony occur, he’d given his mother a subtle look and a nod your way, a sure sign of letting her know that the two of you were bound to be gone for a short time afterwards. Taking one look at you, she’d understood immediately. Her response was a firm nod and reassuring smile to her son (he used to be quite nervous at trying to calm you down, wanting to get everything right and make you happy again - but, the more he’d done it, the better he’d gotten at it… still, it didn’t hurt to reassure him), whispering what was happening over to Jake so he didn’t make it so obvious when you’d leave.

You could tell all of this had gone on without you originally knowing, just by the sound of his footsteps close behind you, trailing your every step as he followed further and further away, into the dense forest. His presence was obvious, too, the feel of his surrounding you whole, enveloping you into his warm embrace and closing around you, shielding you, protecting you, ensuring you always felt safe.

That’s how it was with Neteyam - no matter the situation, no matter the place, he was always going to be one step behind you.

You feet continued to carry you away from the hustle and bustle of the clan, the happiness and cheering becoming nothing but white noise to your eyes. Instead, the sounds of soft chirping filled your senses, leaves and branching crunching underfoot, the wind cascading against the fauna with a swoosh, rustling this way and that. It was always so beautiful out here - the way the moons eclipsed within the expanse of the sky, shining down like a beacon of hope upon your broken body, ikrans flying over its shadow like a good omen - but, you struggled to truly appreciate it when you felt like this.

Whenever you felt this way, Neteyam knew to give you your own space, giving you time to yourself so you could sort everything out, everything that was echoing within your mind and trying to tear you down. He didn’t want to bombard you with too much all at once, previous experience having taught him that it wasn’t exactly a great idea - it’d only make you worse. In time, after thinking things over and sorting yourself out, he knew you’d go to him for all the comfort you needed. That’s when he’d be there for you, waiting with arms wide open and ready to whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you were a giggling, blushing mess all over again.

So, when you stop within a part of the forest that’s barely considered a clearing - the surroundings dense with both a mixture of fauna and flowers, their colours eclipsing one another until it seemed just a mangled mess; birds continuously chirping at the tops of the trees like an echoing lullaby that wasn’t doing much help for you in that particular moment - you pick a random tree and sit down in front of it, leaning against it as your back scratches harshly against the bark, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You hang your head low, curling your knees closer to your chest and encasing your arms around them, like a means of protecting yourself from the harsh realities of your world.

Neteyam stops in his steps, looking down at you with a broken heart, wishing upon everything else that he could just mend your own before he attempted his. If he could take your pain away, he would do it in an instant - your happiness and your smile and your laugh was everything to Neteyam, and he’d give anything to experience them over and over again until the Great Mother decided his time was up.

With a hesitant breath, Neteyam sits down beside you, keeping close, but too close as to make you feel claustrophobic. His eyes stay on your figure, carefully bringing his up out in front of your hanging head like an offering. You noticed his hand within your peripheral vision, and your heart stuttered a beat when you realised what he was insinuating. Gratitude courses through your system at his cautious movements, his silence, allowing you to make these choices on your own, but still continuing to be there for you exactly as you needed him.

Reaching out, you hesitantly take his within your palm, feeling the sudden sensations of his gentle caresses that always work to soothe your skin. Suddenly, you’re melting into his embrace like you were a part of him completely, leaning fully against his figure and placing your head on top of his shoulder. You slotted into place - made for him, carved beautifully just for him by Ewya herself.

It’s silent between the two of you for a short while, Neteyam’s mind conjuring up possible ways he can make you feel whole again, and your own racing with so many terrible thoughts you wish to escape from. He knows it’s better for the both of you if you speak up first, saying what you need to say before he joins in with his comforting words, but he feels completely shattered when the noises of your little sniffles reaches his ears, the faint touch of a cold tear dropping onto his skin.

He’s glad you decided to speak up here - he doesn’t know how he’d have reacted if you only cried. He always told himself he’d tear down the world to ensure your happiness, and not many people (including himself) wanted to see such a thing happen.

“It’s too much sometimes, ‘teyam…” you starts, voice quiet and fragmented, mixing in with your stuttered breaths and heart-wrenching tears. It’s like you’re scared to admit the truth, making it all the more real, despite him already knowing you like he knows the scars on the back of his hand. “The ceremony - it was beautiful, and I was so incredibly happy for them, because it’s a day that only ever happens once and it should be magical, but…” you hesitate, finding the right words to get your point across. “They were there.”

Neteyam doesn’t need to ask for any specifications, he doesn’t need to ask who you mean by that. He’d seen it in your eyes when he was watching you during the ceremony, how they glazed over, but still struggled to move away from the one place that was causing you the most pain. “Their parents were there for the whole thing,” you continue, “they got to watch their babies grow up into a true Na’vi, as they finally found their one, their person… mine didn’t.”

You let out a shuddering breath, one that has t ou struggling for a moment, before attempting to collect yourself as you finally came clean. Nuzzling further into Neteyam’s side for more comfort that he was happy to offer, you let everything out. “I know it’s wrong to think such a thing, but it’s just so… unfair.” You said the word with so much disdain, with venom, it was clear to Neteyam that you meant every word, that you were speaking the truth you’d been so ashamed to admit before. “Why do they get to be there for their children’s ceremonies, but mine didn’t? What did mine do wrong?”

Letting out a sigh of defeat, you’re quick to continue on before Neteyam can start to reassure you like he always does, like he was so close to doing. “What if…” you stop, swallowing deeply and wondering whether you should be admitting this. “What if one day, I’m not there for my children?” Admittance should be a relief, it should feel as though you’ve finally gotten something from your chest so you can move on, but right now, it doesn’t feel that way. No, you just feel ashamed and disappointed at yourself for thinking such negative thoughts - hoping above all Neteyam doesn’t think the same way about you now. “What if something happens to me and I can’t be there when they need me? I don’t want them to go through what I went through - I know how much it breaks the heart, the soul, and-”

You’re rambling - you know you are - but, when you start, it’s always a difficult struggle to stop. And, you’re ramblings only cause you to struggle to breathe, too, your overshared, spiralling thoughts making you feel the worse you’ve ever felt. It shouldn’t feel this way, and yet, it does.

But, with Neteyam there, just a hairs breadth away from you, you know you’ll always be fine - because he always makes you feel better. These feelings will never go away - that much was obvious - but, you could forget about them for a short while, pretend like they didn’t exist. That was the best you could do, for now.

After experiencing several of these episodes together beforehand, Neteyam knows what do - he knows what’s best for you and what isn’t; what will make you feel reassured and what will only make you want to disappear all the more. He’s not proud to say that he knows these things from having accidentally gone through them before, but he was technically still learning everything about you, back then. As time drifted further on, he eventually knew everything about you, like a mate should.

With careful, gentle movements, like the perfect gentleman Neteyam has always been, he moves himself around from where he’d previously been behind you, so that he was now seated in front of you, facing one another. The front of your legs are touching, feeling the heat radiate from his body to your own, and when you look up at him with your big, glossy, doe-like eyes, he can’t help but feel like he’s experiencing your pain, too.

Neteyam slowly untangles your legs from around themselves, instead wrapping them around his waist and tugging you closer to him. Your fronts are now pressed together, bringing your foreheads against one another with a gentle touch. This has always arguably been your favourite position to be in with Neteyam - something about it screams the love you have for one another out into the universe. The way your pressed so close together, practically becoming one; the way you can pull one another closer, safe in each other’s arms from anything daring enough to attempt to threaten you; the way all you can see is him, wholly and beautifully and completely.

With his eyes never leaving your features, not even for one second, he looks down at you in adoration, in reassurance, wanting - needing - you to feel every words his speaks, to understand it’s truth. “Breathe with me, yawne (beloved),” he instructs, soft and affectionate. You listen to him, matching his breathing with your own and closing your eyes, feeling him, hearing him. Bringing your hands up to his shoulders, you caresses him against the sides of his neck, needing him whole, your once stuttering breaths gradually calming down a little.

However, it’s obvious that you’re not quite feeling entirely better yet - and, he can’t exactly blame you for feeling since away. Everything you’d previously gone through must be swirling around in your mind, eating away at you like a disease you couldn’t be rid of. It was time-consuming, all-encompassing, but it was you, and he’d have all of you before he had none of you.

Whilst one of his hands moves to rub gently against your arm, the other moves behind his back, slowly bringing his queue forwards as he gives you another offering, this one in regards to Tsaheylu. He gives you a soft, encouraging smile, letting you know that he’s okay with either answer you give him - he just wants you comfortable, above all else.

Sometimes, this is something the two of you do - bonding. Growing up, you learnt that Na’vi had different perspectives on when it came to bonding through Tsaheylu, possibly depending on what they’d heard and what they’d grown up knowing. You’ve heard that others only really see it as a sexual bond between two mates, helping them conceive quicker and expand their family. But, you - you’d always thought different.

Throughout the majority of your life you got to spend with your parents, you often saw them bonding this way, connecting their queues so they were able to share their thoughts, their feelings, let the other know them inside and out. You briefly remember a much younger version of yourself asking to join in, feeling left out, and that’s when they’d told you what the action truly meant - that it was a special connection between mates, one that Ewya granted amongst her children so they were able to come together as one soul, rather than two people. Ever since then, it was something you’d always wanted to experience.

And, ever since you first bonded with Neteyam on the night of your own mating ceremony, the two of you found it to be exactly as you had parents had first described it to you. A connection where you can take their pain away, where you can experience things together, where you can show how much you truly love someone.

But, you’re scared. You’re scared to share everything with Neteyam through Tsaheylu because he’ll know everything then. And, even though you’ve already admitted some of your feelings to him previously - including your worries regarding your own future children - there are still some lingering thoughts that you consider bad, that you don’t want to admit to him, simply because you don’t know how he’ll react.

Then, you remember who you’re talking about - Neteyam. Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan, who has never once belittled you for feeling a certain way; who has always been there for you through both the best of times and the worst of times; who was the only one to slowly bring you out of your shell during a time when it felt like everything was running to an end… and consequently falling in love with him in the process.

This was your mate.

So, hesitantly nodding, you move a shaky hand behind you to grab your own queue, bringing it forward and allowing the tendrils to connect, wrapping the cords like a dance at their own ceremony. Their slow movements cause the feeling of everything Neteyam to course through your system, rushing through until it reaches your brainwaves. You can feel everything he’s ever felt in his life, the ones aimed particularly at you coming to the forefront of both your mind’s, basking in their presence. He’d pushed those ones forward on purpose - he’d wanted you to know everything he feels about you.

Looking up at him, your fingers tapping nervously against the skin of his neck with a tap, tap, tap rhythm, you almost expect him to be nursing a confused expression, or maybe even slightly angry. You were ready for him to have come to the understanding of the thoughts you were so scared to admit, waiting for him to start wondering why you’d think such things in the first place. But, he doesn’t - instead, his eyes flutter open to look lovingly down at you, like you’re so unbelievably ethereal, and completely the most beautiful Na’vi from Ewya’s creations. His head turns slightly to the side, smile wide and toothy, canines on show and eyes shining, and such a reaction only causes you heart to flutter all the more.

He doesn’t mind the negative thoughts - to him, they weren’t that negative, anyway. But, he knew they were taking a toll on you, bouncing against the sides of your mind with taunting whispers. Neteyam hoped you’d know that none of that bothered him, not when he wanted all of you.

It always amazes you and makes you feel safe, validated, when Neteyam does things like this. You have no idea how he always knows the best ways to bring you back down from your anxiety cloud (as you’d come up with calling it one time, hoping to ease the tension that was once lingering between you both), constantly feeling grateful for every little thing he does for you - no matter how big or small. Because each and every one of them mean something; they all eventually add up and create a much larger picture.

Already, you’re starting to feel much better in yourself, coming down from the cloud and standing back on the ground again, gravity to its work the way it should. And, whilst you’re not going to be perfect straight away - if ever again - you know you can begin to come to terms with the fact that you’re always going to feel this alway, that it’s going to be a constant, that your feelings aren’t just going to disappear with the click of your fingers. It doesn’t work like that.

Your worries are understandable after the trauma period you’ve been through, especially at such a young age, and all you can do is hope that the Great Mother’s plans for you and your future family are ones full of both longevity and adoration. After all, she’d already given Neteyam to you in a time you needed someone the most (albeit, it did take you a little while to fully realise such a thing) - surely she wouldn’t stop the two of you from showing off your love in the most domestic way possible.

“Muntxate (wife),” he starts, bringing your full attention back on him as his hands start to circle around you waist comfortably, finding their home there like they always do. His eyes are soft and sympathetic when he carries on speaking. “I will never truly understand what you’re feeling - I know that. But, what I do know is that no matter what you are going through on any particular day, I will always be there for you. All you have to do is ask, and I will drop everything and come straight to you.”

A small smile start to curve the ends of your lips in gratefulness, repeating his words on a never ending loop within the confines of your mind. More tears are beginning to sweep against your eyeline - but, this time, they’re happy ones, they’re ones you glad to be expressing. “I know,” you respond, barely above a whisper as all the lives around you seem much louder.

Seeing as the smile on your face becomes a little wider, understanding that his words were slowly beginning to get through to you, Neteyam nuzzles your faces closer together, your noses rubbing against one another lovingly. He takes in your scent the way he loves, inhaling deeply, but never forcing his gaze away from yours, needing you to entertain the seriousness behind him pupils. “You’re not alone in anything, sevin (pretty), I promise you…” he pauses, watching your eyes flutter close as you bask in his warm presence, taking a few seconds to contemplate his next words, before speaking again. “You don’t need to worry about never being there for our children, either,” he starts, your eyes opening up once again when he brings up the elephant in the room, flickering between each of his own his contemplation, “because I promise you - I swear to the Great Mother herself - that I will always protect you: against something as little as a yerik (hexapede), or as big as an ‘angtsik (hammerhead titanothere).” His words cause a small giggle to escape from your lips before you fully realise it’s fallen. Just imagining Neteyam battling a yerik (hexapede) has you amused, feeling better than you had before. He lowers his head to your own, wanting the eye contact to stay, finding importance in it when he spoke. “You will be there for our kids for everything, and you will be an amazing mother…”he insists, fingers gently rubbing smoothly against both sides of your waist, sending chills up your spine, warm from the compliment. The thought of his words alone has you feeling all giddy. “…To all 5 of our kids…”

“5 kids?” you question immediately, exclaiming out your surprise at his admission, widened eyes and joking smile. This particular conversation that it’s changed to causes your tail to swish from left to right, showing off its excitement, despite your juxtaposing words. “I knew you wanted a few, ‘teyam, but even that’s a lot.”

“No, no,” Neteyam insists, shaking his head and laughing along with you. “You see,” he teases, fingers dancing along your waist as he begins to smile mischievously, “because I will never get enough of you, so, we’re bound to have a lot.” He leaves a little shrug at the end of his sentence, acting all nonchalant, like what he’d just admitted didn’t hold a lot of weight to his words.

You can already feel the blush patching along your cheeks, painting your skin a darker colour, forcing your head to hang low subconsciously. However, y oh don’t get to stay like that for too long, because his once-dancing fingers suddenly start tickling against your sides, moving in an annoyingly rapid succession, which causes shrieks of laughter and pleads for him to stop to shoot through the air.

More of Neteyam’s laughter joins in with your own, the loving sounds shared between the two of you emanating through the forest around you, mixing together as one. Such a sound was like music to his ears, glad to have been able to make you happy again. He doesn’t care how many times he admits it, because he’s not ashamed of it - he’d do anything, and give anything, to hear such an ethereal sound for the rest of his life.

And, even though it was always going to be obvious that the two of you would find yourselves in these situations for more times to come - because your worries and your anxieties were never going to just disappear - Neteyam would always make sure that he was right by your side, that he was there to ease you and bring you back to where you truly belonged… with him.

taglist ;

@monahiiii @bakugouswaif @andraga12 @draiochtwrites @teyums @neteyamslovrr @tinkerbelle05 @netesanrr @lanasblood @camilo-uwu @queen190 @adrianarose7 @ttkttt @ayoungforeveruniverse-blog@lucialobelia @littlepisceanpixie @gyuventure @afro-hispwriter @thexplosivegirl @bellstwd @tahni-04 @eclipseatsea @6422btw @badbussylol @ellabellabus07

[moonstandardtime]

im thinking about loop. as usual. but today im putting a fun spin on things and thinking specifically about my botw au loop.

heres my original drawing of them from last year + another image for cropping. it feels pretty self-evident to me but this may be an instance of the one xqcd comic. about accidentally assuming what is common knowledge.

so. loop is fi. fi from skyward sword not breath of the wild yes. heres a little lesson on the zelda timeline for those of you who havent read the hyrule historia book cover to cover.

pre skyward sword—there is a manga in the back of hyrule historia about the first hero. the one before sksw link, who is the "first hero". this actual (non-canon, probably) first hero was wrongfully imprisoned for vaguely specified reasons that i dont remember and thus wasnt really able to do his hero things. i guess. and hylia (not zelda yet) who was in love with him . well shes important i dont rlly remember how shes relevant to this link specifically. but link sacrifices himself for the good of the people and hylia sends up the sky islands that would later become skyloft and others. because theres a war happening i forgot to mention that. i think the master sword is relevant but can you tell its been a while since ive read this. because it has.

and now the master sword. i havent actually finished sksw and dont know the whole story even though i really. should by now. but i know the basics. fi is the spirit of the master sword and i think she was made by hylia to aid in that whole war i mentioned. or something like that. shes only present in sksw but technically shes in botw too bc the master sword speaks to zelda and uses her little chime and like. obviously thats a callback to sksw.

so. loop.

loop in this au is the first hero. kiind of. theyre more of the chosen hero (sksw) in terms of story elements but first hero in terms of like, situation? this gets into a lot of the Lore which ii wont explain. bc that would like triple the length of this post. but BASICALLY the rundown of the situation is that Loop is in a Situationship (aka messy QPR) with Change's First Chosen (aka Mirabelle); Chosen gets nabbed by the first King; Loop sacrifices themself to save her. the Chosen then puts Loop's soul in their sword bc of how much she cares for them. and maybe kills the King with it for dramatic effect.

and then the Universe and Change God are so moved* by this they decide if it aint broke dont fix it. and thus begins the Cycle.

(*the universe just saw a Situation that tied itself up in a neat bow while also progressing things and was like yeah ok lets just keep doing that. and change went along with it bc they were actually moved by it. and wanted to play toys)

SO. now Loop is in the sword. dead. tragic. aand (fast forward several thousand years and heroes (and theres one in particular they remember so well. they dont speak of him. he doesnt matter anymore.)) here comes a Siffrin who. also dies! but gets to come back and try again. because life just isnt fair i guess. and this motherfucker is so useless (helpless) and doesnt know anything and they cant just watch it all go wrong again so. they break their several thousand year silence and help him.

jazz hands ✨️ there it is thats my loop lore. yayy

[hoeforhao]

🪀 Love bleeds Lilac 🫐 || Minghao Series || Pt.1

⤥pairing: non idol!minghao x fem!reader

⤥genre: fluff, slight mentions of mental health issues, kind of angst but not too much, discovering self love, lots of comfort. A feel good yet deep concept!!

⤥warnings: none except some mentions of mental health problems.

⤥parts: 1/?

⤥author's note: what's a better way to resume writing than doing it with some minghao angsty fluff!!!! I wrote this piece for wattpad almost two years back but it never saw the light of day😮‍💨. This concept is a first for me so tell me if y'all liked this and want other parts 🫐

[Y/n POV]

Colour? Is it really necessary to have colours in our life? Ain't a monochromatic life more soothing to our eyes and our soul?

I kept asking this question to myself everyday but never found the answer. Everyday I see people walking down the streets, in beautiful clothes painting the world with their own colours. But my world? My world embodies different shades of grey. My friends and family see me as a dull person who just wears either dull or black clothes and looks like as if a dementor sucked out my soul.

How do colours really feel like? Will it fill up my empty dark world with bright sunshine? Will it make me walk a bed of roses instead of thorns? With all these thoughts in my mind, I decided to finally pull myself out from the void and let colours touch myself.

[OTP]

" Hello this is Seoulafeel's Parlour. How may I help you today?" the voice on the phone said.

" Yeah Hello. Good morning. I wanted to make an appointment for hair colour. Can you tell me if a slot is available today and the estimated cost of the service? It will be really helpful if less people are there during my time" Iris spoke hesitatingly.

" Sure ma'am. You can book an appointment at 3 in the noon. We will have few customers then and you'll feel comfortable. Also the cost for the colour will vary from 20,000 KRW to 50,000 KRW depending on the type of colour you choose" the person from the other side informed.

" Okay I'll be there by 2:50! Thanks a lot for considering my request. Have a good day" with this she ended the call.

[Y/n POV]

Am I really ready for this? Am I ready to come out of the closet I've been in all these years? But I need to take the risk! I need to know what happens if I live like others do. Let's do it Kim Y/n let's do this!

*Time skip*

It's 14:45 and here I'm, standing in front of a glass door adorned by beautiful white flowers. The board above the gate says "Seoulafeel's Parlour. We make you feel your soul". I guess it's really time for me to listen to my inner voice. After convincing myself for about 7 mins, I finally pushed open and door and stepped in. I had no idea that that one step will change my entire life.

As I bring myself to the receptionist's desk they ask me my name and my appointment time and then escort me to the hair colour station. Being the socially awkward person I'm, I didn't look around and just plopped onto the chair. The hair stylist ties the cape around my neck and tells me to wait for a few mins. As I was waiting while playing with my fingers, I suddenly heard a deep voice; a voice which sent shivers down my spine, one which held a book of mysteries within itself.

"So what colour are you planning on doing Ms?" the voice asked.

I slowly turned my head sideways to see a tall figure sitting on the chair beside me. Only his pants and the sleeves of his jacket were visible below the cape. To my surprise they were all black, just like me, just like my world. His hair was covered his eyes and but I still could feel his side stare, piercing holes into my soul. I was lost in him when I heard the same voice again,

"It's disrespectful to stare at a stranger like that Ms. But I'm a gentleman so I won't mind"

I could clearly feel his smirk even though he was wearing a mask.

I finally mustered up the courage to speak to him.

" I haven't really decided the colour yet. I may go for blue. The colour blue attracts me a lot just like the endless seas."

"Well blue is indeed a fascinating colour. It makes the soul wander free and dream beyond boundaries"

I was shocked. I always used to think that I was the one who always found deeper meanings in everything. But him talking like that make me rethink.

" What colour are you going for then?" I asked.

"Red. Just like the Earth's burning core. Just like how hell is defined in books. But also the colour that made the poets define love with it" the man replied.

I just hummed in response.

"You know right that red and blue makes purple? The colour of finding yourself and finding the one who makes you fins your self"

[chilling-seavey]

✦ ✎ ✿(Love Thy Neighbor), ▵(Enchante), ❖ (Love Thy Neighbor x George, his Grass, and his Girl) I tried to have some self control. May have failed.

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

Probably because my xReaders are written with height unmentioned (so there's no 'he leaned down to kiss you' or 'your tiny frame' vibes). I'm a tall girlie and I'm very aware of the small-girl bias in fics so I try to be as generic as I can with xReader to include many heights LOL Or just lengthy descriptions about George and fawning over him and his 'princely features' and various minor descriptions of him that aren't often talked about (the way his mouth moves when he speaks, his small fidgeting habits, etc.)

✿ did anything major change when you started writing [fic] to when you finished? - Love Thy Neighbour

Honestly, with this one, no! That one kind of stretched just as is beginning to end. I debated having Andrew find out but I was really appealed by the open ending and his blind ignorance to allow the reader to have a sense of pity for him as a secondary character.

▵ pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite line - Enchanté

Then, he offered with a voice so rich and smooth you felt it in your soul, “I have a complimentary bottle of champagne back at the hotel that won’t drink itself.” OR He asked it softly, gently, with his hand trailing over your shoulder and your collarbones and down the neckline of your blouse, “So you’ve never had cum on your tits before?”

❖ pick 2 fics and I’ll combine them somehow - LTN/TWIG

Okay but TWIG in the 1980s?! That would eat ngl. Maybe even TWIG George still cannon in F1 but he's got his cute little family and his nice plot of land. And this George would never dream of cheating on his wife. Imagine their new neighbour starts to come onto him?? He'd literally turn to his wife and be like 'omg can you believe this woman?' and his wife would be like 'you will never see our neigbours ever again x'

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Hellfire

As IF I was ever going to skip over this video!!!!

Voiceplay's cover of Hellfire was released on the 7th of October, 2023 (being their Halloween upload for the year), and, fun fact, it was the first Voiceplay video I watched after a sort of personal "hiatus" of 1-1.5 years, where they had somehow fallen off my radar for a while (which can happen when A, you weren't originally subscribed to them and mostly just relied on the Youtube algorithm/recommended section, and B, you previously only watched videos for songs you were already familiar with (I know better now though, obviously), plus a few other random factors). Geoff's cover of Jack's Lament was the first from his channel I had seen in quite a while (thank you YouTube algorithm for actually being helpful!), and I stumbled upon Hellfire the following day. And man what a video to bring me back into the fold!

Both video and arrangement were done Layne, and although this is another "guest feature" for J None (he did 5 full-length videos with Voiceplay in 2023!), he's only a backing vocalist for most of this one. Who took lead vocals? Geoff! Apparently Layne was wanting Voiceplay to do a cover of Hellfire for quite a while, and had always envisioned Geoff as the main singer for it, but Geoff, for a long time, said no. I don't know/can't remember what his exact reasoning was; whether he just thought the song was too dark or he thought he wouldn't be able to do it justice, but obviously Layne eventually managed to persuade him (made him an arrangement he couldn't refuse, I'm guessing, because seriously this arrangement is STUNNING), and quite frankly I am forever in Layne's debt for it!

I have no estimate of how long this post might be or how much I'll actually have to say about the screencaps I share, but I'll try to make this worthwhile, and so without further ado, let's get into this!

Pretty "basic"/"simple" visuals here, but honestly that's all that's needed for this one! For one thing, the vocals/arrangement are amazing enough to shine on their own (kinda like with Nothing Else Matters), and for another thing, this may be a Disney villain song, but at the same time it's not really a "Disney Song", y'know? This ain't Friends On The Other Side, or Poor Unfortunate Souls, or Be Prepared; this is a song about deep internal conflict, "burning desire", and attempts to suppress said burning desire, which only leads to more trouble. This is a villain song taken completely seriously, and boy oh boy do Voiceplay nail it!

(I feel like I should also mention that I've never actually watched The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, but I know the characters, I know the story, and this song speaks for itself tbh.)

I mean of course all the guys understood the assignment for this one but Cesar really Understood👏The👏Assignment!👏

I can't believe I'm having one of my "hang on a minute-" moments on freaking Hellfire of all videos, but somehow I never noticed the purple gemstone ring that Eli is wearing here before now! (And Cesar is wearing a red gemstone ring as well, which I only just spotted in a previous shot).

Yep, Layne's got a gemstone ring on as well!

I'm guessing J has got a matching ring as well, but I'm fairly certain Geoff doesn't, because he's got this gemstone necklace instead, which of course helps to further identify him as the lead vocalist/"main character" in this one.

(And even though Voiceplay seem to wear black/dark colours a fair bit (and Geoff does a lot), I still really freaking love the costuming in this video. They all look so good!!!!!)

Yep, there it is! J has a ring as well!

"BURN IT"

((If you've been reading/paying attention to all my Voiceplay Visuals posts, you might have picked up that usually, Geoff is the only one who gets bold font for quotes, but I'm more than willing to make an exception this time, because goddamn))

"This fire in my skin"

The way he looks down at his hands and arms as if feeling himself changing, as if there really are flames coursing right underneath the surface of the skin!!!!

"This burning desire, is turning me to s i n"

Not here to make fun or tease this time, certainly not! Geoff did a fantastic acting job in this one, and his delivery of every single vocal line was just absolutely *chefs kiss*

Everyone else was brilliant in this too, and Cesar absolutely had some attention-grabbing moments of his own! 😄

The "it's not my fault!" section of the song is really cleverly done here imo. (it's technically visual as well! I can talk about it!) It gives other members a bit more of a chance to shine, in a song which (aside from the Latin chanting in the background) is only meant to be a one-man performance. And the video (arrangement included) does this by turning Layne, J, Eli, and Cesar into a sort of Greek Chorus, or more specifically, a "singing chorus" (yes, that's a real thing, which I learned about when I was double-checking to see if I actually remembered the correct meaning of Greek Chorus). Singing choruses are sometimes incorporated into musical theatre and grand opera, and are "used frequently to interpret the mental and emotional reactions of the principal characters, after the manner of a Greek chorus." And while Eli and Cesar are taking over the lead for this bit here, Geoff becomes a little bit more subdued, head slightly bowed, just doing some little self-conducting hand movements as he holds down the bassline (I'm assuming, though I can't really hear him at all in the background until his arpeggios(?) when J takes over (look, sometimes you really can't fully describe/talk about what's happening on screen without talking about the audio that goes with it!!!))

Cesar with the sick air guitar! (Not all reactors seemingly noticed this moment, which is a damn crime tbh (you can actually see him doing it in the group shot just a few seconds before this too, though that part I myself didn't pick up on till just now))

I can't remember seeing a single reaction video (out of the ones I've watched at least) that actually figured out who the Guard was, even though it's in the description of the video! (Though I guess those who were watching from Patreon have more of an excuse). It's Tony! (Also, this means that this video featured 4 "generations" of Voiceplay baritones - Layne, Tony, J, and Cesar!)

I've heard one or two reactors say they wish they could have seen the guard's face, but nah, I don't think it's necessary. He's there to provide Relevant Information for progression of the plot/song/scene, and that's it! His identity is irrelevant!

(But still, shoutout to Tony!)

"what" (hhhhhh)

"I'll find her,"

"I'll find her and I'll find her if I have to burn down all of PARIS!"

(He did so well! <3 <3 <3)

At first when I watched this video I was like "wow I really love this video, but should I like this video so much? Considering the context/meaning behind the song and all that?" That lasted for like maybe a week maximum. I adore this cover and this video and I make no apologies about it!)

*swoon*

Very cool flame effect in the eyes! According to one reaction video I watched, that likely was not easy to do, but it's a great addition to the already-very-awesome video!

The zoom-out on Geoff is done brilliantly for dramatic effect here as well!

Do I even need to say it at this point? 😂😅

Well anyway, obligatory "he's so pretty!" comment

(Here's a slight shot of Cesar's ring btw)

Man I love it when he belts <3

Firstly, the absolute power and feeling that Geoff put into this, like it's absolutely amazing to watch and it delights me to no end. Secondly, I wasn't going to include that third pic above, but turns out Geoff is wearing a gemstone ring as well! (maybe more than one?) I knew he was wearing rings in the video, but I just assumed they were his wedding/engagement rings, as he pretty much always wears them in videos (unless he can't for costuming purposes), one on each hand, but now I wonder if he was in fact wearing them at all in this video?

Excuse me while I just- *muffled yelling into pillow*

As I type this, Voiceplay's cover of Hellfire is just 4,700 views away from reaching one million hits on YouTube! I hope it gets there, it certainly deserves it (and more!). (UPDATE: As of the morning of the 20th of February (AEST timezone), it's now at one million views! Can I hear a wahoo!?!) (SECOND UPDATE: and it's now at over 1.1 million, as of the 25th of March!)

It's not exactly a typical Halloween-type video for Voiceplay, no super-elaborate character costumes or coloured face/body paint, but just like practically everything Voiceplay did in 2023, this was EPIC!

But anyway, I'll be skipping over Whiskey In The Jar, and I'm not doing any posts about Christmas videos (for now), which means that I'm finally onto the first two full-length uploads of 2024! (And I really would have expected there to be a third 2024 upload by this point, but it seems we're just gonna have to keep on waiting.) Stay tuned!

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 35

Gale and I step into the building of the Inn after a fresh stroll through Waterdeep, which smells of freshly baked sourdough bread and blueberry muffins. Quite the pleasure to the senses, I must say. It reminds me of innocent days where my mother would bake me a delicious homemade breakfast twice a week before going to the temple to pray to Sȇlune. As we enter the Inn, I notice a couple high elves and a dwarf playing some morning tunes on the lute and flutes to set the mood for those morning people. Rolan is sitting down at a table alone with his cup of coffee. Rolan’s face lights up as he notices us approach him.

“Ah! My friends, come sit!” Gale and I accompany him at the table and immediately a waitress hands us our menus. “It’s good to see you both. And how nice it is to get away for a little while.”

“How has it been at the tower?” Gale asks with a welcoming tone. “Are you practicing becoming a master wizard? I wouldn’t doubt it if you’re there already.”

“Ah, you’re too kind. Unfortunately, I’m not where I want to be just yet. I’m only improving every day. I’m having to partake in my studies more frequently, as well as teaching Cal and Lia the wonders of magic. Just in case anything happens to me. Enough about my life story.” He studies our baby, smiling but looking rather perplexed. “Say, you’ve had your baby for a while now, right? Or am I going mad as a hatter?” Crap! We never told him our situation and that Jenevelle won’t ever age.

“Whew, it’s a very long story, but here it goes,” I mentioned, mentally preparing myself for his reaction. I go into detail with him about what happened with Jenevelle and how the devils needed her soul to destroy Raphael. How we were promised immortality and that the outcome would have been torture if we didn’t do what we did. As I explain, he looks rather astonished and I can’t exactly tell if he’s judging me.

“Oh Gods, I’m… I’m so sorry. That could not have been an easy predicament to be in. I’m glad it all worked out in the end, at least.” Abruptly, as Gale begins speaking to Rolan, the sounds around me become muffled and my vision fades to darkness, but like a cloud of smoke. This has happened to me before, ages ago…right after I had Jenevelle. Images of Gortash, Orin, and even Ketheric appear right in front of my very eyes, and it’s as if they’re actually here. Holy shit.

“Hello Emmy.” Gortash’s voice still sounds the same, though I can tell hatred is being spat right at me. I swallow the fear and horror as his haunting voice speaks to me. Tell me I’m fucking dreaming and this isn’t happening. I guess if mind flayers can change forms and hags can curse people, anything is possible.

“Well, are you going to say anything, or just sit there silently, mentally squirming at our words as we claw our way into your soul? You’re wasting every second that could be used to slaughter every breathing piece of flesh left standing,” Orin teases, flashing her bloody teeth as she smiles.

“Quiet, Orin. Emmy, dear, we’ve been watching you. My, you are quite the impressive specimen, killing not only all three of us, but the netherbrain itself. You even destroyed countless assassins of Bhaal. I’m impressed. It’s a shame you didn’t put that talent to use and dominate the brain like I instructed before. So inconsiderate and stupid.”

I try to speak, but I’m interrupted by Ketheric’s haunting voice.

“If you make a single sound, your husband, your friend, and everyone else in this building will hear you. Choose wisely,” he growls, smirking at me. I clench my fists, feeling rage flush through me as I fight off the urge to speak.

“Now, as I was saying,” Gortash retorts, cracking his knuckles. “Imagine all of the lives you could have saved by dominating the brain. You could have controlled all the Bhaal cultists –”

“No, no, no, no, NO! You tyrant, are you listening to yourself?!”

“Unlike you, Orin, I crave control. Power. Not the deaths and flesh of millions of people. Not the screams of the innocent begging for mercy.” This is absolute chaos. Why do they feel the need to harass me, even after their deaths? How is this even happening? They must have been the unsettling presence I felt last night; what else could it be? So many questions are rummaging through my head, gnawing at my brain like animals.

“You will pay for what you did. On the contrary…we are able to summon another elder brain,” Gortash adds. How I want to respond to his pathetic words, how I want to pin him against a wall and kill him again.

“If our gods are willing to provide the means of this happening,” Ketheric chimes in, his eyes practically staring Gortash down as a means of dominance, which is a foolish idea. They must not realize I’m immortal. If they do, they’re really good at pretending to be completely unaware. What I do know is that they know something I don’t; at least Gortash does. His disturbing and ominous smirk is hinting that he’s hiding some sort of secret from me.

“Oh, poor little baby, too afraid to speak. To cry. To do our bidding or ask questions.” Orin laughs as she speaks, licking her bloody fingers as she gazes hauntingly into my soul with her pale eyes. Gortash closes his eyes.

“We’ll speak again soon.” Those words alone were the most disturbing out of everything he said; what does he mean by that? I know damn well Gortash is keeping something from me, and it’s making me uncomfortable on every level.

My vision is back to normal and I can hear every sound around me now; was time somehow frozen? It appears Gale and Rolan are completely unaware of my temporary absence from reality. The waitress comes back again to take our order, just shortly after I zone back in, but I’m too stunned to speak.

“What would you like to eat, my love?” Gale asks with a kind smile on his face. I order the strawberry cream pancakes, which honestly sounds beyond incredible right now. I look down at Jenevelle, who is lying comfortably in my baby-wearing wrap. She reaches up at me, gazing at me with her sweet, angelic brown eyes as if she’s saying, ‘It will be okay mommy.’

I hate that I saw those three again. I hate that Gortash tried to guilt trip me for not dominating the brain. Why can’t they just stay dead like everyone else who passes away? I want to tell Gale about this, but will he believe me? It all sounds ridiculous when I think it through.

As we finish our breakfast, I hear the door open and, surprise, here comes Karlach and Wyll, who we seem to bump into a lot considering Waterdeep is a relatively large city.

“Rolan? Emmy? GALE?!”

“Karlach, why are you the most surprised to see me?” Gale questions with bewilderment. I stand up and bolt toward them. Karlach greets me with open arms, ready to embrace me with one of her famous hugs, but all I can think about is how anxious I am.

“Karlach! Listen, I need to talk to you. Could you and Wyll drop by later?”

“Sure thing, Em! Wait, what did you do?” I playfully roll my eyes and sit back down at the table. I let everyone chat to catch up, but Gale notices I’m not acting myself; he’s good at that. Damn it.

What pisses me off is that I had so many questions I needed to ask, but I couldn’t and those dead chosen bastards knew it. I’m not going to be playing their preposterous games. I need to let it go, maybe I’m overthinking the entire situation.

[hakka84]

Meta: (half)Vulcan's temperature

@jennelikejennay interesting meta reminded me that I never shared here on Tumblr the meta I wrote about Spock's temperature back in 2011. So here it is. Copy/pasted from Livejournal.

----

To be hot or not to be hot? This is the question.

Ok, I'll be serious: your host here has finally found the answer to one of the most controversial things in the Star Trek K/S fandom: Is Spock's temperature higher than a human's? The answer is in TOS so I'll play with pure canon here: no need to read books or such but just watching closely the series itself. I'm sure I'm not the first one to notice but... hey, repeating doesn't hurt, especially when people keep going on about Star Fleet Medical Reference Manual being not canon.

Evidence n°1: Dagger of the Mind

Spock isn't seen near a monitor's biobed except as witness of Van Gelder's apparent craziness. But let's take a good look to the values in the monitors when Van Gelder is on the biobed. Don't mind the actual arrows, as the human isn't really healthy at the moment, but look at the values' scale: we can disregard all the others as we don't need them. Take a look at the brain's waves if you like but save only the temp, the first one on the left.

On my dvd player on tv this work was easier because of an useful zooming function but, thanks to the power of aleniakalain's dvd, I hope this cap will work for you too: I'll help you.

.  .  .

Evidence n°2: Naked time.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Joe Tormolen's readings, just to see how a healthy human reads.

Let's have a better look at the readings

.  .  .

Evidence n°3: Naked time

Spock is healthy, Bones makes us sure of that. By the way, how hot is Nimoy in the black undershirt? Let's take a look at the readings. Bear in mind that these are Spock's average readings, when he's not influenced or under disease.

As you may see quite well, Spock's reading of temperature is quite under the green line, somewhere between 33 and 34°. At a rough guess the double arrows are marking 33.7/8. Spock's brain waves are far above the average.

So… canon speaks: Vulcans (and Spock) are colder than humans and Bones line about "that green ice-water you call blood" isn't a pipe dream.

There are two others times where we can see a Vulcan's reading but they can't be taken into account because in both of them the Vulcan wasn't really health.

Mirror, Mirror: Mirror Spock is, to Bones words, “dying” and all the lines are fucked up: I keep the brains waves as base and when these change too much then I consider the readings null for this little essay.

Journey to Babel: Sarek's readings. His temperature is higher than Spock's but he is under surgeon and all his readings are scrambled. Again, I can't really consider them reliable.

Anyway, canon says quite clearly that Spock isn't hot but cold. We're speaking of two C°, nothing excessive, but that’s it. It may have no biological foundations and you may say it has no sense at all: I can agree. However, Star Trek (TOS, in this case) made us quite used to biological nonsense. If a brain can be removed from its rightful body to then be put there again without any damage, if androids can be infused with a human's "pattern", if one's soul can be transferred in lightning globes (and so on), then we cannot really be squeamish on a simple change of temperature, right?

I know this sounds like a minor thing but since I've read that bit about Vulcan's temperature on Memory Alpha[memory-alpha.org/wiki/Vulcan#Medical_conditions] I have been curious to know why many people insisted on still writing Spock as "hotter". The old school is quite frankly excused as they had no captures to work on (later it came VHS but really, you can't read tiny bits on a recorded video). Recently I raised a geek discussion about it on Deviant Art and I've been quite puzzled by the replies (being cooler not biologically explainable, the book being written without scientific basis and all). They all had their reasons and they weren't just saying "it's this because I want it!" - hell, that's what I love about this fandom: things are discussed! - but I entered one of my stubborn mode... and I can be quite stubborn if I want to.

Then aleniakalain came to my house and brought the dvds... when watching naked time I jumped from the couch (killing her in the process), almost hit my head on the screen (blame the carpet) and zoomed until I found the answer. Then I searched a better view of the monitor for better reference and so on.

This's the result of half an hour spent with aleniakalain searching the right captures! Hope that helps clearing the issue!

*      *      *

Addition n°1: What this makes of us K/S shippers

verizonhorizon's comment reminded me that, originally back in January when I got home from vacation with my First Officeraleniakalain, I wanted to add my two cents about what happens to K/S bed scenes.

Ok, we have Spock who's colder - a little bit - and we have a room hotter than usually - for keep Spock warm because we don't want for our favorite half-Vulcan to have his pointed cute ears drop off. We have also a cute quilt with a little Enterprises' pattern, because our Vulcan likes to sleep under blankets. Logically our hot Captain Sexypant would die in a pool of sweat, right? But, what if perhaps Spock, being cooler, helps our snuggle-ish Jim from feeling like during a sauna session? Hugging Spock could give him the little cold he needs to feel right even in a warm room and under a blanket (even if I'm sure he ends up out of said blankets in the middle of the night).

Basically when Spock is made hotter we have a snuggle-ish Jim with his personal warmer while Spock endured having cold feet and a... well, cooler against himself. We just turned this upside down and is now Jim who has to be the man with the woman's cold feet and hands against his body in automatic search for warmth. XD

.  .  .

Addition n°2: Does this make sense? Again verizonhorizon, who points out that has no sense having a cooling system overworking to keep blood cold in a hot room (well, not these same words... :P). This makes me think, and it's probably the only issue that is still unclear in this matter. As far as I remember (and my mind has more holes than Gruyere cheese), in the series (TOS) nobody says Vulcans need higher temperatures. We know they live on a desert planet and the climate is freaking hot when Kirk jumps on the Kal-if-ee wagon. But, if we keep the desert reference, usually during night the temperature considerably drops. Perhaps the only logical explanation could be found seeing how desert animals' inner system work. Off course I'm not speaking about scorpions or snakes, but mammals like meerkats, foxes and such. This may start a great discussion! Unfortunately, I'm not expert enough to examine datas about these animals... anyway I can provide what I found.

Meerkats have a temperature similar to humans' (36.3ºC / 97.3ºF). They have an efficient ability to regulate temperature and, living in such harsh climate, they have a lower metabolic rate than their cousins living in other parts of the world, allowing them to live with less water and food. Their oxygen consumption is 42% below the value expected from body mass (Vulcan has a thinner atmosphere than Earth - if I remember right - but at least I'm sure there is less oxygen there and Kirk has difficulties to breath right).

Fennex foxes have a temperature of 38.2˚C (100.8˚F), but they are typically nocturne animals and during the day they live in deep dens under the sand to protect themselves from hot climate of desert's day. They are also provided with large ears (*coff coff* Spock?) to dissipate heat.

Camels vary between 34°C to more than 40°C, depending of how much they can dissipate the heat through evaporation. If they have free access to water they tend to have lower temperatures.

.  .  .

Addition n°3: Cold or hot? Both? alliegator as an interesting hypothesis. I'm quoting her, because there's not need for me to elaborate.

"I'm no biologist, but it is my personal head canon that Vulcans are both hotter AND colder than humans. My science-fictiony, pseudo-xenobiology reasoning that would actually fit with the above source: Vulcans have a normal core body temperature (91 F) lower than humans (98.6 F). Humans lose heat through their skin and extremities, so the surface of the skin can be much cooler than the core temp. Now I see Vulcans with their fast pulse as having a very efficient body heat regulation system, so possibly their surface skin temperature is much closer to their core temperature.

"So, theoretically, if a Human (98 F core temp) were to walk up to a Vulcan (91 F core temp) and touch them, to the Human (estimate 80 F hand skin temp) the Vulcan (estimate 87 F hand skin temp) would feel warm. Even though the Vulcan's core temp is lower than Human, the Human's skin temp is lower than the Vulcan's."

.  .  .

Ok, off-topic conclusions: 1) I feel a trekkie and I always hated people (a Star Wars' fan I'm friend of) who wasted time to search for things the canon left unclear or making essays about "no it's like this" and "what if...?"... 2) I've done again a biology little research because of Star Trek, the first being about wolves/canines and feline reproduction - you don't wanna ask believe me... 3) I have now in my mind's eye the disturbing image of meerkat!Vulcans standing at meerkat!Spock's failed wedding... The Lion King can ruin an innocent life!

[lee-hakhyun]

593 + 594

was kim dokja really a good person?

i've changed ceo kdj to representative kdj to better fit, so i'll be referring to him as that from now on ^^ with everyone here, kim dokja's banquet starts. rep kdj asks if anyone has questions, and nobody speaks up because. yeah. why would they? they're randomly brought here, and this guy is clearly way more powerful than them

rep kdj brought everyone here, but it's clearly causing a strain on his probability. lhh raises his hand to ask a question, but someone is faster than him

he's immediately asked if he's really kim dokja. rep kdj brushes off the question, but another boy says he clearly can't be kdj, which gets his attention

first of all, a blind girl in the apocalypse. dear god. rep kdj claims that kim dokja wouldn't care, but the readers aren't phased by this

oh, it's nice to see someone with so much faith with the girl's words, more and more people join in speaking against rep kdj, again asking if he's really kim dokja, and some revealing they've chatting with rep kdj before the scenarios, and he did not act like this

as the mood shifts, all the air in the room disappears. rep kdj begins to speak

a.. heartless god,, 【Among the stories that you loved, was Kim Dokja really a good person?】

after all this, the readers can't defend him anymore.

the readers are the extras now, people who were barely or never even mentioned in orv

so lee hakhyun asks, what does rep kdj want?

well, that's how they got here. an outer world covenant, like what kdj had to go to the 1863rd turn some readers had already expected this, and people start to plan, and ask questions

obviously, questions go to kimcom but this isn't their story, anymore, and rep kdj makes this very clear. this world is for you, not them

with the end of the banquet, beams of light come and start returning people back. lhh and ksi quickly realize they have NOT found jiyoon yet, and push through the rapidly disappearing people to look for her

but they don't find her. kyung sein and lee dansu on hakhyun's back disappear, and lee hakhyun does not feel good about not finding jiyoon

but. in the cleared room, he spots ji eunyu

and,, they don't get to talk, but they've got a location to meet up at!

with lee hakhyun as the last person left, he waits to return. and waits some more.. what is with this guy's soul and sticking in places he shouldn't be.

well, it seems he's not leaving but he can hear some noise, and it leads him to the theater entrance.. which is active.. and yeah. as he opens the door,

ooh. so this is where the kkomas are. i am honestly surprised he thought the kkomas were a dream, seeing as he literally watched yjh on the movie screen with the kkomas for a good bit 37's here again! but rep kdj caught him,, that's not good

and chapter 594

rep kdj has lhh, and lhh wonders, will he recognize him? they did meet for a bit in the actual chungmuro theater shortly before he got transmigrated but rep kdj doesn't recognize lhh, and just drags him out of the movie room so, lee hakhyun has a plan

the thoughts of almost anything stuck with him, even though all the other items were left behind? that's. odd.. using the 'thoughts of almost anything', he grabs rep kdj's hand and it recognizes as an item..? he has to keep contact for 5 minutes to identify it, so he starts buying time rep kdj asks what he saw in the theater, and activates lie detection, but he's able to fool lie detection with incite and just says he saw small kkomas and not the movie itself

he's pushing it. but he continues

there are two kdj representatives..? and there might be more?? i guess kim dokja identify theft is the new thing, yoo joonghyuk is free

and. he continues lhh's exclusive attribute activates, and he starts piecing things together like puzzle pieces

a character whose story was ruined by kim dokja that.. does not narrow it down that much, actually..

he's pushed too far this time, and the sparks around rep kdj intensify, but the analysis completes just in time

i do not like that additional condition!

immediately after figuring out the item, he incites the thought to transform into samyeongdang's damaged bamboo stick, and attacks rep kdj

he wasn't able to find out who rep kdj is due to his level, but his face cracked. and what's beyond it does not sound very good and after that

DEAR GOD>?

PROVOKE HIM FURTHER? he. continues taunting rep kdj even as he's being literally tortured the probability sparks have been getting stronger, but rep kdj still keeps going

if i'm reading this right.. HE DUG A STORY OUT WITH HIS OWN HANDS? WHAT THE FUCK? but the story rep kdj saw

???????

lee hakhyun's story is censored. is that the fourth wall. kimcom?? > A beautiful thread of light.

i didn't realize until i read some of the comments for this chapter, but a thread. ...sangah???

[nightki11er]

You: Wait, wait, wait, wait... In your AU, dolls can change the color of their eyes!? By yourself!?

Me: Yes.

You ask me: "Are you fucked up?" And I will answer "Yes".

Yes, that's right, today we will talk about the theory of eye color changeability.

I know it sounds strange that some dolls can change the color of their eyes, because... They're dolls! But this is not the case. At least not in my AU. So, let's start with the distant past. Do you remember that scene in the Offspring where Chucky got overextended? So this happened because some of the wires were faulty. So, something took me the wrong way. Ahem... So, let's start with the distant past. Charles Lee Ray was accidentally shot dead in a toy store by his adopted brother Carolus. He didn't want to hurt him... Well, that's how it turned out. So, Chucky managed to transfer his soul into the doll "Nice Couple ny" and walked in this vessel for 3 films. But as John, Chucky's mentor in Voodoo magic, said, "Your body is gradually becoming humanized," but Chucky didn't take it properly. He ignored John's advice. And killed him. And for two more films, I chased Chucky after Andy in order to get his body. Next comes the Bride, Oh! And here are the Offspring. At the end of the film, we see how Glen brutally deals with his father. But, it wasn't there. When Glen chopped off Chucky's hand, he noticed that the axe didn't fully cut in. Then Glen decided to remove the axe from Chucky's hand and see what was there. There was something shining there. Suddenly, Chucky stood up, but before he could remember, his flesh slid off his arm, exposing a metal body with sharp claws. Yes, Chucky looks like comshmar animatronics. "But... how?" - you ask. Everything is very simple. To make dolls, you need a body. The corporation decided to make not just a toy that could talk, but a whole mechanism that could move by itself and move around calmly. How... Foxy, Bonnie... These are my favorite characters. So, Chucky looked at his hand, raised it, clenched his claws, or fingers... And suddenly his whole body is covered by an endoskeleton. In the chest artificial ribs explode into the chest cavity, everything is pinched everywhere, and most importantly, it began to grow. Increase in size. Tiffany saw all this, and was afraid for her husband. By the way, those scenes of violence and killing each other were made simply by robots that replaced them. After the proposal, Chucky and Tiffany did what they did, and then Chucky finds out that Tiffany is pregnant, but it will all be in fan fiction. So Tiffany runs up to her husband... More precisely, to his mess. He was still breathing. His breathing was hoarse, and he barely spoke. And then Tiffany had a dull pain all over her body. It felt like she had been beaten with something metallic. And then she fainted. By the way, her endoskeleton also began to be implanted in her flesh. So, after a long four hours of recovery, they returned to normal. They could think, talk, however, it turned out with great difficulty, because the body has not yet healed. So they look at each other. Then they kiss. They didn't care if they felt a sharp pain or not, the main thing was that they were alive. And yes, during the kiss, Chucky heard a click in his head, by the way, so did Tiffany. After a long and passionate kiss, they pulled away from each other and noticed that their eyes had changed color. The color changed to pink (try to guess what it means.) The fact is that before the transmigration of the soul, the toy had a special mechanism that allows you to change the color of the eyes. And also this mechanism was responsible for the glow of the eyes and the flashlight. That is... Their eyes could illuminate the nearest territory.

Phew, the theory is over. Speaking of Glen... He also turned into a half-animatronic half-human. But do not be afraid, he did not get such pain. He fainted even before Chucky and Tiffany started kissing.

Bye everyone!

[ragingstillness]

BUNGO SPOILERS

ok so I have Thoughts.

First of all, the anime going ahead of the manga I have seen before in other fandoms. Sometimes it meant that the plotline had been neatly wrapped up for the anime and the manga would diverge. Take that as you will

Fyodor is not dead. Come on. An arm? I’ve watched anime for too long to think he’s dead without a full body. Not to mention that an arm is particularly suspicious considering Gogol’s ability. Remember when he convincingly cut himself in half? He could very easily have transported Fyodor out of the helicopter and cut off his arm because he knew it’d convince Dazai

Speaking of Gogol, if Fyodor is dead I am robbed of seeing Gogol kill (or at least try to) Fyodor and that isn’t fair. To me.

Chuuya being a fake vampire? Checks out, sounds like some shit Mori would do. Sad we didn’t get to see him act directly in this episode but eh.

Chuuya’s teeth being glued in and him unable to get them out? I have literally had this exact experience trying to glue in vampire teeth for a Halloween costume once. I was picking glue out of my gums for a week it was awful

Tecchou and Kenji being alive? What I expected.

Jouno and Tachihara are still up in the air I guess

Poe’s book. Can it suspend death? Is Fukuzawa somehow not still bleeding out from being stabbed through the heart? Bsd hates medical science. Also does Poe’s book write stuff on command? I thought he had to deliberately write the story which would mean he was working with Fukuchi? I’m confused.

Ranpo being alive and healed? Makes sense but I wanted to see Yosano do it so I knew she was alive.

Akutagawa no longer being a vampire and being alive? THAT’S MY FUCKING BOY! Also his new medieval knight outfit is fucking brilliant and I want him to know it makes him look very sexy

Bram saving Aya. We all knew it but were glad to see it.

Bram having his whole body back when it got mentioned (at least in the manga) that he’d die if the sword was pulled out? I mean I support it but that feels like a plothole

Bram being Aya’s knight? Adorable, I want to see him adopt her. I want the adventures of the weirdly old adult who knows nothing of the modern world and the reckless kid with a good heart and an iphone

Whoever Atsushi and Aku are fighting? Unclear but it looks like it’s holding Fukuchi’s sword so maybe it’s the sword itself? He did say smtg about a legendary sword maker. I’d guess it was Crime and Punishment but it doesn’t look Russian enough

Fyodor’s Hebrew: excellent, we love to see it, last words of Jesus, that’s the good shit. Also irl Fyodor getting out of prison and living a better life vs bsd Fyodor getting out of prison and dying…idk where I was going with this anyway irony

The bullet not piercing the skull trick. Frankly was one of the ideas I thought of, not surprised Dazai’s a fucking cockroach.

Fukuchi’s plan. Naive at best but relatively good intentioned. I’m not ready to like him as a character and probably never will. Killing 500 people, how the hell could he keep it so precise? It’s also an interesting debate about the life of an individual vs the life of the collective, almost a trolley problem thing, curious to see how Fukuzawa decides about it

Not a fan of Fukuzawa crying. If I do not see it, it cannot make me sad

Fukuchi’s plan cont. changing reality with the book is the only way I can think of to make this plan even somewhat feasible. Without it the plan would collapse. Do you know how many wars would be fought just over who controlled One Order? Why can’t the original ability user use it? So many questions

One Order’s design: Soul-Eater-Kishin-ass-looking-thing

Can One Order even still control armies without them under control of the vampire ability? What about the seal on Fukuchi’s wrist that made him control Bram? The sword being coded to Fukuzawa’s voice? How???? There are so many questions around that alone

How does Bram undo the vampirism I want to see it?! Is Aku still injured when he is de-vamped?

Fukuchi said it was a U.N. ordinance about One Order. Is he aware not every country is in the U.N.? Also, if someone manages to launch and nuclear missile before One Order is activated it can’t exactly be deactivated. There are so many issues with this plan it’s like Thanos’

Where is the book???? I want to know????

So Sigma is just dead then? Fuck. And we still don’t get to lean what Fyodor’s ability does

Fyodor having vampire spies among the Mersault guards is such a cop-out, give me something cool like Dazai’s communication strategy

Strongest opponent after /that man/. WHO IS FYODOR TALKING ABOUT I NEED TO KNOW GIVE ME TOLSTOY OR GIVE ME DEATH!

I’ll probably add more thoughts as I have them but these are my preliminary ones

[jq37]

Oh, my god. I think my soul almost shat itself when Lou landed that Nat 20. Snow better not have done anything to Scheherazade and the Lines-Between Squad or I'm....gonna stew in impotent anger behind my laptop cause I'm only a viewer. And last but not least, if Tim is the Golden Goose's human-sona, who's the Ganders?

What an INSANE moment. This season has been all over the place but geez, I think this goes up there with the other legendary Dimension 20 Nat 20s. I seriously thought they were toast when Brennan set the minimum DC to 25. What a crucial moment for the dice rolls to go your way. Absolutely wild. 

This was one of my fave episodes from a storytelling standpoint because I feel like there was a lot of positioning towards a conclusion. The Goose investigated what it is that the PCs actually want to do which I think is important. They don't really have a big overarching thing that they've decided is their goal since their plan initially was to just join up with the princesses and that super didn't work out. Now that they have the book back, they've gotta figure out what it is they actually wanna do (and I would say some of that lack of direction is due to lack of understanding of the holistic situation but we are so close to the end of the season at this point so I'm not even gonna harp on that).

We're also finally getting back to the Lines Between stuff which is like a split "yay!" and "oh no!" situation. Yay because we're finally checking back in with Scher who is one of my fave if not my fave NPC but oh no because it's not like she's drinking pina coladas and having a good time. Clearly they want to use her for the princess plan--which points to a specific princess not being needed if they can just swap out Roz and her. I do wonder how much of an element of buy in they need. Like, the vibe I got is that snatched Scher, not that they convinced her. She doesn't seem the type to be like yeah, sign me up for the death cult (though neither did Cinderella with her "don't lay the sins of individuals on the entire world" talk) and the princesses are totally chill with lying or withholding elements of the truth.  If they just need a body and no buy in, they possibly could have just grabbed her. If they need buy in/wanna play nice, they might have half lied to her like they are presumably doing with Elody.

I will say, if she is kidnapped in the traditional sense, Scher has a LOT of experience being imprisoned by a captor who plans to kill her and changing their mind, so as annoying as this is for her, it is also her favored terrain so to speak. If Brennan wants, he could very plausibly have Scher do some of the princess schmoozing that the PCs utterly failed at. Just for story efficiency's sake. I'm getting the sense of, "We are getting to the end game so let's get all the pieces where they need to be on the board." So Tim gets his book back. Tomas and Henry returned. Scher back in the main story. Muffet and Itsy Bitsy in the book to tie up those loose ends. DM housekeeping. 

I don't know if the Gander HAS a human-sona. The Goose has Tim as a human-sona because in stories the "Mother Goose" character is sometimes a person who rides a goose and sometimes a large anthro goose (usually with a bonnet). It's interesting though because in the main mother goose poem it says that Mother Goose rides "a very fine gander". Which just makes me wonder how that connects. And then of course, there's the saying about what's good for the goose is good for the gander. There's a thread that Brennan has mentioned a couple time but no one's followed up on seriously. About what is the gander when it's not stuck in the Neverafter. We don't know exactly what the Gander represents. It's not death or the end of stories because that's the wolf. My best guess is that the goose is like positive (for the protag) plot developments and the gander is bad ones. So I'm wondering if, for example, the gander was to move to the horror section of the library, would it just turn into a creepy killer clown or a ghost or something?  I dunno, just spitballing.

Anyway, looking forward to tonight's ep! Maybe we're finally gonna get an answer on those red beads!!!

[explosionshark]

3x014 Bad Girls that's the tweet. Bad Girls has been the next epsiode I've had to watch for ages and I was looking forward to it so much cause even I know Bad Girls is the iconic episode but there has not been a good time to watch but now I finally had the chance so here's the midseries update.

But before I get there I wanna say Beauty and the Beasts is a really interesting episode, not necessarily for the episode itself but that you can read the entirety of the Angel/Buffy relationship that I've seen so far in Series 3 cause you can read them in both sides of the abusive relationship (I forget their names this was pre me writing notes) imo, Angel's obvious he's textually a metaphor for the abusive boyfriend who changed after sleeping with Buffy, it's directly textually said in this episode and a bunch back in series 2, but also Buffy did kill Angel immediately after getting his soul back (absolutely justifiably yeah) before he even knew what was going on and he gets sent to the hell dimension for 100 years but is still instinctively protecting Buffy like the girl who protected the boyfriend who hurt her. And so they've been locked in a death spiral of breaking up and getting together ever since which is in theory neat but also admittedly it is starting to get tiring since its starting to feel like just a holding pattern until we can move on and Angel gets sent away for his spin off (the extremely meleodramatic one we see in The Zeppo was incredible though)

Speaking of Zeppo RIP Cordy's screentime but I do enjoy her existing now entirely to hunt Xander for sport it's what she deserves. Didn't even get to star in The Wish which was her mirrorverse episode, I remember being surprised how quickly she figured it out and then she died immediately. Also shout out to my boy the Master coming back for the runback against all odds getting a 2:1 record against Buffy, 1:1 was already an absurd record that I didn't see ever being matched but surely 2:1 cannot be touched.

Anyway I spent too long here not talking about Faith, love her, one of my favourite notes from Bad Girls '♡ "Hey girlfriend" What could she mean by this?' I also have from Revelations 'Faith is all alone and has no friends :(' and she's also very fun to watch so you got the triple threat of barely disguised innuendo, sad and greatly charismatic on screen so always fun to watch. I really enjoyed by the way in Revelations the way that Gwendolyne Post loved walking around with her arms not in her sleeves and behind her back and then she gets beaten by cutting her arm off. And the way the episode ends with Faith incorporating the little lesson from Gwendolyne into her world view about only needing Spartan Quarters is a nice tiny set up for future heel turn. Also the start of the recurring thread of her wanting to spend some time with Buffy but she has to blow her off for Angel issues, oh I just saw in my notes for that episode 'Angel Buffy trapped in cycles, in same scene its explained once the glove is attached it cannot be removed. Metaphor'

Helpless was great as a more horror focused episode, I got distracted part way through by a random Watcher who I was sure I recognised, it turns out he's in Star Trek Enterprise, a show I've not watched but the only one I recognised on the list so I guess it was that, I just think it could've been more effective if even with his last minute change of heart Buffy still had a bit of a rift with Giles from the whole poisoning her deal

I do admittedly have a couple of notes of "Why does Oz exist? Because outside of some good lines in Amends I never really get much out of him, I don't always like Xander but he's got that good recurring roll of acting out whatever's Buffy's dealing with but in miniature but Oz just kinda feels like he's just there.

Amends incidently such a good episode, amazing character episode for Angel, "It's not the demon in me that needs killing, it's the man," I have that line written down with the note of 'Sick'. I also love that despite being called amends few actual amends were made and it more had the idea rather you need to continue to live and make your amends as a process rather than as a singular act. Also it's Christmas and he gets visited by ghosts of past, present and future so y'know its fun

I love the Mayor as a Big Bad, I think he's my favourite so far its just such a demenour y'know, Angelus is incredible as a character like a more personal nemesis and I had great fun with the Master but the Mayor is really doing it for me. I loved the gag in Band Candy where he points out the sewer really needs more maintanence while they're delivering the babies to the snake and then that's actually a set up for Buffy to grab the gas pipe to set it on fire.

Anyway Bad Girls. First appearance of my friend Wesley he is so different to he was when I watched Angel its incredible how buttoned up and how much of a loser he is, I love him. And so much incredible Faith/Buffy content, which is fitting for this to be her approaching Heel Turn to mirror with Angel to Angelus back in S2. From my notes '"You don't get it you killed a man," "You don't get it, I don't care" she says as she cares deeply' The last thing I wrote down for Bad Girls is 'I want to eat this episode'. Also I dunno if its anything but I also noted down Faith and Buffy really hit it off next level style this episode after Buffy got drowned and her getting her drowned back in 1x12 is what created the branch Slayer line that got to Faith, its neat even if its nothing.

I've written too much I need to send these more regularly if this is how much I'm going to put down, great stuff great stuff.

Well! Glad you're enjoying S3!!!!

Beauty and the Beasts is another example of the kind of Buffy episode that's just some character's current conflict acted out by the MOTW. Gets m every time.

Gwen Post was great because it shows the first deep fissure in Buffy and Faith's relationship and reintroduces Angel to the rest of the crew in a spectacularly disastrous and dramatic fashion. Also love how it sets up Faith's recurring S3 weakness of "literally any adult who's nice to her" which is funny/sad given the fact that the character trait she is most obviously trying to manifest for herself is 'badass rebel loner.' How's that traumatic childhood and almost complete lack of support system working out for you, Faith? Pretty good it doesn't seem.

Oz is a much loved character (including by me!). I think he's sweet and funny and I enjoy him showing up - but aside from when he's actively wolfing out or being cheated on for Willow's character development he is pretty extraneous. Finally, a male sexy lamp.

Agreed re: Helpless, The Mayor, Faith having no friends, Buffy and Angel's whole mess winding down . Interesting point about the drowning too! Hadn't thought about that before. Huh.

I'm glad you're having a good time! Can't wait for your Bad Girls thoughts!

[soul-dwelling]

Also I wonder if there was a change in ff, not just in a surface story way but theme way, atleast partly, because I guess it could have been just a red hereing to insinuate that the evangelist is some eldritch alien dimmensional hopper with all the stuff with the bugs and other stars that dont really make sense with the "rhe enemy is humanity itself thing", but maybe the plot was about culutral imperialism but got chaged because of too much controverssy, thats why the invasion paralels?

As I’ll say in another post, this feels like it was Ohkubo wanting to satirize religion: “Oh, these religions have their weird creation myths full of paradoxes and stuff that makes no sense? Then my indictment against religion, Fire Force, will make its own creation myth that is so batshit crazy that it out-does the nonsense of religions overall!” 

It feels weirdly immature, just Ohkubo’s goal to dunk on believers. And I say this as an agnostic: I am critical of beliefs and organized religion--but I also can make my own opinions around them by looking at the evidence myself without criticizing the need people have to believe in something, or to not believe because you don’t need beliefs to compel yourself to be a decent person. 

That is what I think when you bring up the “theme way”: none of these creation myth details (the eldritch aliens, the dimensions, the bugs, the other stars) have to correlate with each other--it’s a creation myth, just make shit up. You’re Timon in The Lion King saying the sky is just full of fireflies, it makes sense to you, you get to move on. That is Ohkubo’s approach: this shit won’t make sense anyway, stop being a Yuu and be a Vulcan. 

It also is like X-Files, mixing together different content from various belief systems, conspiracy theories, ancient monsters, and some legitimate science: bugs are aliens, there are other dimensions, stars used to be planets, and so on. 

“The enemy is humanity itself”: I’ll bring this up in Ohkubo’s paradoxically puritanical stance on sex, but there is such misanthropy in this work. 

(I got to find the source again, but Ohkubo had said he was indeed a misanthrope. Maybe it was sarcasm in his end-of-volume notes?)

For all of how Shinra inspires people at the end, this is a pretty cynical story that thinks humans are awful. (If our world leads to the Fire Force world, the implication that stuff like the nuclear bombing of Japan and stuff like 9/11 led to this world seems gross--it’s taking real-life horrors to fuel his fiction, not in a way to comment about what led to those horrors but just shock value and edginess without meaning.) 

Even the “cultural imperialism” angle seems muddled. 

We have Benimaru and others resisting what is portrayed as a Euro-centric Christo-centric indoctrination of Japan. 

We end the manga with the pre-Soul Eater world. Now Akitaru and others are using Japanese naming conventions (family name first, personal name last), and by the time we get to Soul Eater the rest of the world seems to be in Lord Death’s image--and all speaking Japanese. 

There is something odd here, as if the story is placing Japan as having become the superpower of the world. It’s no longer America and the English language as the dominant force--thanks to the world being reborn starting in Japan thanks to Shinra, Japan is on top. 

This should be a re-staging of the opening to this manga: we started with this multicultural Japan but one in which a western religion and western conventions had pushed out Japanese cultural practices. We can show an actual multiculturalism that is not erasure but presence of all…and instead it weirdly feels like it is Japanese domination over everything else? 

That should be a meaningful satire to criticize westerners thinking they control everything--but it comes off to me anyway as just “the shoe is on the other foot now”: there isn’t observation for how Japan as the global leader would be good and bad, it is presented as just what it is, no reflection on the ramifications of this. It isn’t a taking down of the US or western nations or Christianity for awful things they have done; it’s just something that happens to explain why all the people in Death City speak Japanese--a question almost no one cared to ask because it’s a manga made in Japan, of course the characters in your story all speak Japanese, who cares.

[livingfictionsystem]

The Visitation by Frank Peretti

(9.5 out of 10! Love yourself enough not to watch the film adaptation, thank you~)

Sparrow insisted that this is one of the best books he'd ever read. I was surprised upon reading the description because Sparrow is also openly agnostic and uncomfortable with organised religion. I knew even this fact was worth me stepping outside of my usual genres and into Christian fiction, but I couldn't predict how universal the plot points would be.

The plot is mostly from the third person POV of a retired pastor, Travis Jordan, in the small town of Antioch. He's recently widowed, depressed, and hardly taking care of himself. Then, nearby, a statue of the Virgin Mary starts to weep and the population whips itself into a nearly mob-like frenzy as they discover the tears actually have instant healing properties. Arthritis is instantly soothed, paralysed limbs become mobile. Then people begin to see 'Jesus in the clouds.' And then, right on time, a mysterious stranger looking a lot like Jesus, 'Brandon Nichols', shows up and performs healing miracles. This promptly forms a cult of people who believe they are now personally involved in the Second ComingTM.

The cult aspect, of course, is what I find uniquely fascinating about this story. Not only is the town referring to Nichols as Jesus, but local Mary Donovon convinces herself that she is actually the Virgin Mary reborn. She even starts referring to when she raised Nichols/Jesus fondly, just seemingly making up random stories that seem straight out of a Bible 'slice of life' fanfiction. You even had a John the Baptist. Everyone just gathered around Nichols and started LARPing as Bible characters, which turns into a realistic combination of laughable and eerie. The most memorable moment for me is Mary, dressed in robes in the grocery store, when someone asks how she's doing. "My soul doth magnify the lord. And behold! These peas are on sale."

Travis, despite his embittered state towards the idea of 'Taking Antioch for Jesus' isn't buying Nichols' scheme, so much of his plotline is discovering Nichols' fascinating hidden past and also recounting his long, fraught journey into preaching. His gruff but cheeky point of view added just the right amount of humour to what can be considered a harrowing tale. One of my favourite lines: "Kyle wasn't just an accident waiting to happen. He was a disaster trying to happen."

Honestly, this was sublime if you're Christian, agnostic, or even religiously traumatised. Peretti's antagonists use the idea of God to sow chaos and create horrifying abuses of power. And his protagonist uses his own belief in God to try to take down the false Messiah/abusive cult leader. It speaks a lot about religious trauma---What happened to Nichols at the hands of a pastor is horrific, but Travis Jordan had also had his fair share of toxicity within the church. From uncaring, prayer-factory super churches to stuffy, tenured preachers that want nothing to do with change, even (or especially if) it hinders progress. There were also repeated references in Travis only wanting to preach the word of God, but how his fellow churchmates just devolved into wailing in tongues. He and his allies were a refreshing rational voice in the sea of spiritual frenzy and obsession.

Not to mention, everything about Nichols was eerie. His charisma, his bursts of anger as the mask slips, his apparent omniscience, his sickeningly ironic backstory, his powers. The author could have made him cartoonishly evil and made this a typical 'Christians vanquish the actual devil', but he made Nichols relatable not only to the religiously traumatised, but also the protagonist himself. There were so many layers to this book and I'll be thinking about it from years to come.

-Xanthe

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

I did have just a few minor problems with some of the narration. The reader is led to guess early on that Travis' departed wife may be the reason he stepped down from being the Pentecostal pastor. But even with the dozen or more flashbacks that depict the lead-up to their relationship, I didn't really see it give insight into why Marian's death caused Travis to resign. Was it because prayer couldn't save her? But I thought he'd learned that lesson early on with some of his church members? There seems to be a huge blank between her death and his life as a jaded but knowledgeable former pastor.

I also wish there was more of a follow-up to the day that this cult tore the town apart. I want to know how families reconciled, I want to know where everyone else was a year from the incident, I want more information about those who died that day and its general impact. Seeing Travis remarry was cute and all, but you had demons tearing dogs apart and an electronic store that blew up, I want to read more about that!

[ask-the-shorty-squad]

*Korekiyo overhears them in the other room. A little disappointed but reasonably understandable to their hostile words towards Kurushimeru. Just then the same green glow from before appears on the space left of the torn out pages.*

"They don't suspect a thing do they?"

Wh-wha.. But how are you- ...I-I dont think so.. I think the secret is still safe... But Teru and Mishima have sharp eyes.. They might find out sooner than you'd like..

"Seems like it. Although, given their current conversation, It's more likely that they'll believe it to be some sick joke rather than the truth. As much as it pains to see and hear the kindest souls on earth speak with venom, I am in no right to blame them. The cruelty I placed on them years ago is more than enough justification. Plus, I've heard that at times, it's good to let out such negative feelings. I believe humans called it venting, right?"

Indeed.. I'm impressed with your knowledge on todays humanity..

Now.. What should I do about those two..? If they figure it out who knows what could happen..

"The chance of them finding out are low, but not zero. Although, my reputation, as well as their views and experience, might help to minimize the possibility further. Looking into the situation as far as I can, the end result seems to solely depend on whether or not they believe that I truly wish to change my ways and become better not for my sake, but for theirs."

You may be correct.. I highly doubt Teru would even believe it if I told him. Hes the stubborn type.. Mishima however.. I dont know him enough to say if whether or not he'd believe it.. But. I should think we are in the clear for the time being. But who knows how long this'll last..

"We can only hope for as long as possible. I wouldn't exactly call Teruteru stubborn. He's simply more alert and is reasonably distrusting of a lot of things. Especially to those with means of causing harm to both himself and his loved ones. No one on earth has any right to blame him. I certainly don't. Mishima's sort of similar in that way. It's no wonder him and my son have form such a close familial bond, that, and both have known me enough to not believe or trust anything pleasant about me. To them, the thought of thinking it alone is more foolish than a fool itself."

I see. It is only natural for one to be cautious in a world fraught with dangers. Teruteru’s vigilance is commendable, as is Mishima’s. They have found solace in each other's company, forming a bond forged through mutual understanding and shared experiences. Trust, once shattered, is difficult to mend, and skepticism often becomes a necessary armor. It is a fascinating dynamic, the way they perceive and navigate the world. Perhaps, in time, their perspectives may evolve, yet the essence of their cautious nature will likely endure.

"That is all I can hope for. You should probably head back to them before their suspicion arises."

"Again."

Right.. I'll speak to you again in due time...

*With that, Korekiyo enters the living room with 3 cups of Tea.*

Ah, Kiyo! You're back!

Indeed. Did you figure anything new out..?

I figured out he's nothing but a no good lying.. Pardon my language.. Bastard! And I hope he suffers in the darkest pits of hell!!

My my.. Such aggression. Why dont you take a few deep breaths and drink some Tea.. That'll calm you down. What about you Teru? Figured anything out?

Not much other than remembering what I already know. I guess the most noteworthy things I can point out, is the recurrence of my family's symbol near the end of the book, and the peculiar tone in writing whenever Kurushimeru talks about my mother.