#like first of all I'm still stuck on the first death can we slow down?

[trainwreckweather]

....

[kyracooneyx23]

I loved you Leah Williamson fic! I was wondering if you could do a Lucy Bronze x matildas reader where reader and lucy both player for barca and then they verse each other in the world cup semi final

Don't Be Sorry - Lucy Bronze

Lucy bronze x matildas!reader

summary - the Matildas lose to England in the semi final of the womens world cup and you take the blame.

warnings - death threats and hate comments

90+ minutes of you playing your heart out, the hope of a World Cup final promised if your team could get the result you desperately wanted slipped through your fingers as the dreaded sound of the full-time whistle rang through your mind. You collapse to the floor, face buried in your hands as you feel your tears wet the floor around you. The salty taste burned your already parched throat as you sobbed into your hand.

You were never an emotional person over football, but you had the weight of an entire country resting on your shoulders and you had let them down.

This was the moment you had spent your life working towards, ever since you were 4 years old, when you first watched a game of women's football you had made it your goal to one day be like the women you had seen on your screen. You promised yourself that one day you would represent your country in a World Cup, and now that dream had become reality you had stuffed everything up.

The haunting images of the ball flying past you and into the net still haunts you. You had the chance to stop the ball from going in but stuck your leg out too far and the ball went right past.

Not only did you feel like you had let down your fans, you had let down your teammates as well. It was your job as the team's main center-back to stop the goals and you failed. It was a stupid mistake for Tony to pick you to start, even more stupid that he'd kept you on the full game.

You felt the England player's hands patting you softly on the back, but you didn't bother getting up to congratulate them on their success not feeling up to facing other people.

'Hey, it's going to be ok y/n/n.' You hear the soft, comforting whisper of your captain, whose voice makes you sob even harder. You roll over onto your back so you can see her properly, out of everyone on this pitch you knew you owed her a proper apology.

'I'm so sorry Sam.' Your voice is hoarse and it pains you to see her tear-stained cheeks 'I let the whole team down, I know how much this meant to you. I'm sorry for ruining it, you deserved the win.' You burst into tears again as your captain pulled you into a warm embrace, rubbing your back to try and calm you down.

'This is not your fault.' She says, her voice is stern but you know she's not using the tone in a mean way, 'You played your heart out. I'm not allowing you or anyone to take the blame for the result. Every single person who has pulled on the green and gold jersey this tournament needs to be proud of everything they have done. We've made history this World Cup and that can't be forgotten because of one game. We still have the bronze medal match, we need to dust ourselves off and focus on winning that.' Your breathing slows down, knowing you were overreacting and that Sam was right. You needed to concentrate on the third-place game, there was still a chance to bring home some silverware for your country.

As you rose from the ground, extending congratulations to several of the Lionesses for their victory, you found yourself mid-conversation with Kyra and Mini. Suddenly, you felt the gentle embrace of two arms encircling your waist and a head nestling into the curve of your neck.

You turn around, enveloping your girlfriend in an embrace, the silent language of your intertwined bodies speaks more than any words could in the moment. It was a relief to be in the arms that felt more like home than anywhere else, her presence was all you needed to feel slightly better. Tears trickle down your cheeks again, a release from the flood of emotions that have become too overwhelming.

After a while the silence is broken 'I'm so sorry,' Lucy whispers into your ear 'I know how much this meant to you baby, I wish it didn't have to end this way.' You shake your head at her words, not wanting to ruin the special moment that she had also worked so hard for.

'Luc, don't be sorry. I'm not hearing it. Go and make the most of this moment. You deserve it.' You say pulling out of the hug, not wanting your disappointment to ruin her occasion, you knew better than anyone how much effort Lucy put into getting here in her career.

Lucy looks at you with sincerity in her eyes, you can see how excited she is to have made it to a World Cup final, but she still stays with you instead of celebrating with her team. You know you would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed but you still feel bad for keeping her away. 'Babe, go celebrate, I know you want to.' You tell her, your tone almost demanding.

But she doesn't leave your side and for the next 15 minutes she's constantly peppering your face with kisses and expressing words of admiration and respect, acknowledging the relentless dedication you had put into getting here. You keep trying to push her away but she refuses to leave, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and keeping you tucked as close to her as she possibly could not letting you free anytime soon.

Whilst you walk around the pitch together the fact that you two are rivals dissolves, no one would know that one of you had just lost to the other in a World Cup semi-final if it wasn't for the two different jerseys the two of you were wearing.

You gaze at her, and you know that you look like the biggest simp for her as you send her a loving look. The fan's edits after this match would be crazy.

The two of you were a popular couple that the fans adored even though you two had never properly gone public with your relationship, you just weren't the best at keeping it much of a secret.

Neither of you minded though, you found both the tiktoks quite funny.

After a little more walking around with Lucy, you know you can't let her stay with you any longer. 'You've poured your heart into every match, every training session,' you murmur, your voice barely a whisper against the loud atmosphere. 'You deserve this win more than anyone. This victory is yours, you've earned it through all your determination and hard work. Now please go and celebrate, I know that you'll be greatly missed in the changing rooms. I refuse to keep you to myself anymore, we'll have so much time just the two of us back in Barca. I love you, now enjoy your win' You tell her managing to wriggle free from her tight grip and place a light kiss on her lips, which she tries to deepen before you pull away laughing lightly at her clinginess.

'I love you sunshine.' She tells you blowing you a kiss before running over to her teammates who all bring her in for a large group hug. You smile at her almost forgetting how you'd felt only a short time ago.

Seeing Lucy happy made you happy.

'Hello, Miss Bronze.' Caitlin says standing beside you and you can hear the smirk in her voice. 'Care to join your team anytime soon or are you going to keep staring at your girl like a freak for the rest of the night?' She laughs and you shove her slightly.

'I'm coming, you can piss off now.' You tell the brunette, following her towards the team huddle not too far away from where you were. Steph and Kyra wrap their arms around you as you squeeze into the team circle.

The circle is quieter than your previous huddles, the energy gone from the disappointing loss and everyone exhausted from the game you'd just played.

Tony speaks to everyone, telling us it's not over yet and we can't stop working. The talk is coming to an end when he begins to talk about how we should all be very proud of ourselves 'You girls should all be extremely proud of what you have done,' he waves his hand across the sea of fans in green and gold, still screaming and cheering despite the loss. 'Every single one of you has won the hearts of a nation, you have inspired generations to come, and have changed the future of women's football in Australia. That is an incredible achievement.' A small round of applause echoes throughout the group and Tony finishes up the talk letting everyone head off.

All the girls do one more lap of the field, thanking the fans for their support before quickly getting changed and heading back to the hotel, everyone wanting a good nights rest after the long day.

The next day, the bright sun and Kyra's snoring wakes you up. You chuck a pillow at her, laughing at her annoyed grunts and swearing before getting out of bed, showering, and getting changed. You're quick, not wanting to be late for Lucy as the two of you had planned to go out for coffee this morning. You were excited to see how hungover she would be, you'd be surprised if she even managed to get out of bed this morning.

You weren't meant to be meeting Lucy until 10 and it was only 9:15 when you got out of the shower, so you took the extra time to scroll on your phone.

You had hardly thought about the game last night, knowing it would only affect your upcoming game if you worried about that too much. But as you open your phone, which you hadn't been on since before the game, your stomach twists and you feel like you're going to be sick.

A million notifications pop up on your screen. DM's of people telling you to kill yourself and posts that tagged you showing the two goals you couldn't stop yesterday. You tried not to read them but there were too many and you couldn't stop yourself.

Y/N L/N can go fucking throw herself off the Sydney Harbor Bridge for all I care. What a fucking joke this is, I knew women's football would suck. You're telling me that a 'professional' fullback can't stop the easiest goals. hope she fucking dies, let down a whole country.

Morning Y/N, hope you slept terribly last night. Let down a whole country with your shit performance. I'm sure many people would appreciate it if you took a break from football and found a job you're good at. I don't want to see you step foot on a pitch ever again and if you do I'll make sure you're sorry for it.

L/N just proves that female athletes are all just sluts, lost her team a world cup semi-final and all she did after the game was eye fuck Lucy Bronze, what happened to being a team player?

Hi Y/N, thanks to you my daughter cried herself to sleep last night, what happened to inspiring all the young girls, get a fucking life and get back into the kitchen. women like you don't belong on a football pitch. Never touch a football again thanks.

There were so many, all saying the same kind of things that it all just blurred together. Your thoughts from yesterday returned and all you could think about was about how all these people were right. You let down your country and you were a joke.

You were so caught up in everything that you hardly noticed the time slowly tick past 10:15 and all the notifications from Lucy asking where you were. You just sat on your bed, not quite sure what to do. You'd never felt more like a failure in your life, tears poured down your face they were practically choking you but you didn't mind.

You had let down your country and thousands of people agreed with you.

When you didn't answer Lucy's fifth call she got seriously worried. You always had your phone on you and you never ignored Lucy's calls. She called you one more time and when you didn't answer, she took matters into her own hands.

As soon as the Uber arrived outside your hotel, Lucy sprinted up to your room. Until security stopped her at the front desk, demanding that she prove that she was staying at the hotel before they let her in.

She was begging them for a good five minutes until it got to the point when she was offering money for them to let her in. Fortunately, Alanna spotted Lucy at the desk and after seeing her desperate expression she decided to go over and see what was happening.

'Is everything all right?' She asked both the receptionist and Lucy.

'She's not letting me see y/n/n' Lucy snapped shooting the desk lady a dirty glare.

'I need proof, I can't just let anyone in.' She says matter-of-factly causing Lucy to roll her eyes. Alanna ignores the lady giving Lucy all her attention.

'I thought she was going out to see you?' Alanna asked confused 'That's what Kyra told everyone.'

'She was meant to, but she didn't show up and hasn't been answering my calls, I need to know if she's ok.' Lucy's forehead creased with worry, her girlfriend was never late and always picked up the phone.

'I'm sure she'll be fine, I'll take you to go and check her room and see if she's there.' Alanna tells the brunette before turning around having a quick word with the receptionist who mumbles something under her breath before turning to Lucy and allowing her to go up, apologising for the trouble.

Her words aren't heard by the English footballer who is already speed-walking up the hallway despite having no clue where she is going. Alanna jogs lightly to catch up to her grabbing her wrist to stop her from walking. At first, Lucy tries to pull her wrist away but stops when Alanna drops it.

'Her rooms the other way.' Alanna says softly, causing Lucy to turn around and start power walking in the opposite direction. Alanna laughs lightly at her. 'Slow down, you're just going to get lost. I'll take you to her.'

You're curled up under the blankets in your bed. You'd been lying there for almost an hour. Your phone was on silent so you hadn't seen all the missed calls from Lucy, you felt guilty for not showing up but surely she wouldn't care too much. No one in their right mind would want to be seen with a mess like you, especially not the Lucy Bronze.

You lay in silence for a while longer, nobody disrupting you as the do not disturb sign was up and all the girls were out for the off day. You were almost too caught up in your thoughts to hear the knocking on the door and Alanna's voice calling out your name.

'Y/N, are you in there?' She asked again 'Y/N?' You groaned pulling the blankets up so they were almost covering your head.

'Go away Lani.' You mumble only just loud enough for her to hear. You are shocked when she agrees and you hear her footsteps getting further away.

You roll further into your bed, groaning when you hear another knock on the door. 'Baby, are you alright?' Your girlfriend asks, your stomach flips with guilt.

'I don't want to talk right now Luce.' You tell her even though you know that's not going to stop her from coming to see you.

'I need to know that my girlfriends ok.' She tells you and you hear the doorknob twist, the bright light that fills your room makes your head pound and you bury your face into the pillow.

When Lucy sees you lying in the darkness she immediately rushes to your side and places a hand on your forehead, probably checking to see if you had a temperature.

'What's wrong my love?' She asks sitting next to you on the bed and stroking your back. 'Are you sick? Do you need me to get anything for you?' The brunette asks the worry evident in her tone. You turn around to face her, only seeing her concerned face makes you burst out crying.

As tears streamed down your cheeks, you poured your heart out to your girlfriend, the weight of disappointment and guilt heavy on your shoulders, you couldn't not tell her about what was going on.

The two of you told each other everything.

In the quiet of the hotel room, you confessed her insecurities, voice choking with emotion. 'I'm a failure,' you whispered, hands trembling as you recounted the mistakes that haunted you from the semi-finals and all the awful messages you'd received after the game. With each word, Lucy listened intently, offering comforting words of reassurance. 'You're not a failure,' she whispered back, gently wiping away your tears. 'You're brave for putting yourself out there, for giving it your all. Football doesn't define you; your resilience does. You are the best player I know, you didn't win Player of the Year for nothing. All the girls were talking about how well you played last night, just because the result didn't go your way it doesn't mean you're a failure.' She places light kisses over your face 'The people hating are all just dickheads, I can't imagine them doing even half of what you've achieved. Don't let them get to you.' She tells you, midway through your conversation she had laid down beside you, wrapping you in her arms. You had your head lying on her chest, the beat of her heart helping calm you down.

You don't know how you got a girlfriend like Lucy. But you were undeniably grateful for her no matter what. She'd been there for you through the worst and best parts of your life.

'I'm sorry Lucy.' You whisper to her.

'Don't be sorry.' She tells you placing a light kiss on your forehead 'You've done nothing wrong.'

'You're meant to be enjoying making it to the final, but instead you're stuck looking after me.'

'Yeah, but being stuck with my favorite person in the world is my kind of heaven.' She tells you softly causing a small smile to break out on your face 'I love you y/n/n.'

'Love you more.' You say back to her.

'That's impossible baby.' A small smirk appears on her face 'I'll always love you the most.'

[mylight-png]

I refuse to be told to "move on" from October 7th. I simply refuse.

You know the thing about trauma? You don't really get the choice to move on. You may be living in the future, but at least a part of your mind is trapped in that horrible moment. Sometimes that part of you can never escape.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am sitting at my desk in my room. But right now, as I am writing this a part, huge part, of me is still in that airport. That part of me is still staring at my phone, trying to catch its breath but failing. That part of me is still watching in shock as the death count rises, the videos of Hamas's atrocities are broadcasted everywhere I see, the celebration of my people being massacred is burning my eyes. My ears are hearing the wailing sirens from when I was last in Israel. My hands are still feeling the shaking of the walls as the Iron Dome intercepts attempts upon the lives of my family and me. My heart is hurting for each life lost and each family left broken.

My body is here, in January 10th. My mind is not. My mind, and the mind of nearly every Jew is still stuck in October 7th.

Do not think we chose this. If I could choose indifference, if I could choose apathy, if I could choose ignorance, I wouldn't feel so constantly triggered and in pain.

But nobody gets to choose trauma.

This wasn't a unique trauma, a first-time event. Pogroms are nothing new to us, genocides and attempts at such against us aren't anything new, hateful libel and lies are near-constants.

That's part of what made October 7th so much worse.

I grew up hearing about how my great-grandfather lost his entire family to the Holocaust, how my ancestors survived pogroms, how my parents faced systemic antisemitism in the USSR.

We all grew up hearing our parents and grandparents tell us about antisemitism.

And do not think we were ignorant of it. I was well aware that the world is not even close to shedding its deeply ingrained antisemitism.

I was aware of it when I wrote a speech about discussion of modern antisemitism and being told it was "well-written but controversial". I was aware of it when my teacher said I was responding "emotionally, not academically" to an author claiming antisemitism and the Holocaust weren't "that bad".

I was aware of it when a synagogue near me got shot up, a synagogue I've been to. I was aware of it because I had no other choice.

But it had always felt like it was "winding down" from what my parents had told me. Yes what my teacher did was bad but at least he didn't explicitly single me out for being a Jew and intentionally fail me. Yes the feedback for my speech was hurtful but it wasn't like I was being violently censored. Yes the shooting was awful but it wasn't a full-blown pogrom.

I'm not saying my logic was correct. Far from it. But that's how it felt before October 7th.

When October 7th happened I saw that nothing was "winding down" as I had previously thought. People were still just as keen to gleefully cheer on the killing of Jews as they had been. The world is just as slow to act when Jews are being forcibly held and tortured and killed. Blood libel and ideas of the "doctor's plot" are alive and well.

Oct 7th triggered old trauma, Oct 7th was traumatic in its own right, and for most of us, Oct 7th proved that antisemitism isn't going anywhere. It isn't winding down or getting better.

And that kind of pain? That kind of trauma? That sticks with you.

You wouldn't tell any other person to get over their trauma. So what makes it ok to say it to traumatized Jews as we are still processing the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust?

That behavior is horrible and inexcusable.

Trauma is trauma, you don't get to decide who does or doesn't have the right to be traumatized. You don't get to decide how people discuss their trauma.

[queenie-avenue]

Sent from Below, Fell from Above. [pt.1] [pt.2]

—> if angels can fall, demons can rise.

⤻ reader is a female, reader is a bunny-type angel(?), canon-typical cursing, very bad use of 1920s slang, heavily inspired by @jazjelspen 's angel baby fic, death, betrayal, mentions of racism, abuse of men against women and sexism, angst, spoilers for all of hazbin hotel season one, flashbacks

notes: a rather long one, and wrote another small verse for readers to sing. I wrote it while slowing down the melody in Emily and Charlie's parts.

💌 ⤻ archives.

You walked into the broadcasting room, your heels clacking against the clean floor as you looked about before acknowledging that someone was already there.

"Ah, are you my newest assistant?" The man seated there had the widest grin on his face as he sat there, legs slightly spread apart as you gulped, nodding your head so meekly. Ah, to be human again, when you were too scared to even raise your head. "Haha, that's wonderful, my dear. I was told you had quite the resume. Most impressive for a young lady." You nodded your head. "Very... very impressive indeed." He smiled at you.

"You are impressive too, sir." You quipped.

"Oh?" He tilted his head.

You blushed as he narrowed his eyes at you. "Both of us... we- we're not exactly what society deems as... correct."

"Is that why you're working here? You relate to me?" The creole man asked, leaning against his chair as he tapped a lanky finger on his desk.

"No." You shook your head, your wild hair shaking alongside you. "I admire you. I want to be like you. I imagine it must have been hard for to get to where you are now." You spilled your heart out to this man, because for years, you admired how someone that was meant to be pushed out of what society deemed 'right' managed to rise to the top, to become a striking star in the radio world. "So I'm here because I want to learn how to become a star, just like you."

His eyes widened as you faced him with that determined look on your face.

"What a bright young woman." He rose up from his seat, sauntering his way towards you as you stood there, waiting.

Alastor grabbed your hand, bowing down as he looked up at you, that sweet grin on his face. "Alastor, my dear, pleasure to meet you." He said, before sealing your fate with a kiss on your hand. "I hope that we can get along well." You gazed at him with wide eyes, your eyes raking over his bronzed skin and brown — almost red — hair. Glasses lined his gleaming eyes.

✧ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ✧

"Hey, bitch! I'm talking to you over here!" Adam's voice rang throughout your head as your head snapped up to meet the first man on Earth. You frowned.

You never liked Adam. He was stuck-up, and you had heard the stories of how badly he treated Lilith and Eve, it reminded you of your high-school friends who unfortunately fell into the hands of those abusive men they had to marry. Adam had the same air as them, just less... smart.

"You want me to show up to the trial?" You repeated.

"Yes!" Adam yelled.

"I don't mind. That demon princess annoys me a little. I don't understand why she's trying to redeem a murderer like him." You hissed. The fact that girl — who probably knew of his sadistic nature — associated with him, left a bad taste in your mouth. Though wrath was a sin, you felt resentment and wrath for Alastor, and envy for how he did not seem to regret any of his actions that led him to hell in the first place. Meanwhile, you had to deal with the nightmares that came with being killed. For the first years in Heaven, you woke up in cold sweat as you remembered the knife that went through your heart.

"Well then, babe," you disliked Adam, but a temporary truce would be fine. "Let's start heading there, shall we?"

You nodded and unflapped your wings.

✧ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ✧

You flew up to the seat beside Adam, eyes narrowed as you watched Alastor promenade in with the Princess of Hell and that girl you still had no idea about. The way he walked was still the same as it had been years ago.

You met eyes with Alastor, mustering all your courage to send a look of malice his way, as Sera announced the beginning of court.

"We are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed to the Heavenly Realm by means of this Hazbin Hotel." Oh, you just knew Alastor named that Hotel, he always did have a sick sense of humour. You almost snorted at the name too, but refrained from doing so.

Adam nudged you. "Now." He practically hissed. Out of spite, you almost didn't stand up.

"Objection!" You said as you stared down at the Princess, then at Sera. "I apologise for interrupting you, your royal highness." You looked down at her, then up at Sera, who glared at Adam, instinctively knowing it was his idea to rope in the innocent you into his plans. "I understand that as a Winner, I typically have no say in how Heaven runs things." You summoned up all your might as you met Sera's eyes, utilising all that courage you had back as Alastor's assistant into your heavenly body. "But I must disagree on the type of people the Princess of Hell is trying to redeem." You pointed a finger at Alastor, his eyes widening in amusement as you accused him.

"This man, I knew him from when I was alive, my heavenly council." You looked at all the archangels and others that gathered around. "He was the man who killed me. A notorious serial murderer from when I was alive. More of his victims are no doubt here too, maybe some in hell. But what doesn't change the fact is that someone as dangerous as him," You pointed your finger at Alastor again, your face turning red as he simply tilted his head towards you, like a gentleman greeting a lady. The council gasped as they all whispered about, some glaring down at your murderer. For once, you felt like justice was being served for how abruptly your life had ended in Alastor's hands."Does not belong in Heaven after all the souls he has killed in his time in the living. No matter how much he repents, taking away another human's soul is an unforgivable crime!" You exclaimed.

The rest of the council agreed, as the Princess and the girl beside her looked about, frantic. Alastor simply smiled up at you, his little bunny.

"Order in the court." Sera said, attempting to calm everyone down after you riled them up with your voice.

"You've always been such a good public speaker, my little bunny." You saw red, he dared to call you that intimate nickname in front of the Heavenly Court? After you had revealed his crime to everyone to see?

It seems that Alastor's nerve had not died with him.

"Why is he even here?" You questioned Charlie, your fiery gaze never leaving the trio below you.

"I am the host of the hotel, my dear!" Alastor said, "I should be here to support my fellow colleagues in their endeavours. What kind of co-worker — let alone friend — would I be if I let them defend their case on their own?"

You were about to speak when you were interrupted by that Princess.

"In the Hazbin Hotel, we believe that everyone can be redeemed!" The Princess exclaimed despite the loud voices drowning her out. "Please, you have to listen!"

"You don't even have evidence that this Hotel can work. If you do, we'd be glad to see it!" Adam responded sarcastically, challenging Princess Morningstar.

"We have a patron that is showing incredible progress." She said.

"Who?"

"Don't tell me it's him." You glared at the Princess, daring her to confirm your doubts.

"Angel Dust!" What an odd name.

"Oh yeah! The porn demon, he's totally worth being redeemed." Adam blew a Raspberry at them. That was... immature. Still, your cheeks almost flamed scarlet as Adam gave you context for who and what this sinner the Princess referred to was.

"Well, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into heaven?" She pointed at Adam as your eyes widened. You had never thought about this before but... what did a person need to do to get into heaven? Did they need to be perfect? Because if so, you certainly belonged in Hell. Then, you remembered Alastor and your mood soured to think that you might have been in the same spot as him.

What was even more shocking was when Adam began to get flustered, flabbergasted by Charlie's question as Sera inquired as to whether Adam was okay. You watched even more shocked as Adam cursed at Sera and began to scribble nonsense onto a paper and sent it down to the girl. You caught a glimpse of the paper and your eyes widened.

"Are you fucking serious?" The ashen girl by the Princess' side asked, and honestly, that was your reaction too.

Adam snapped his fingers as Charlie challenged him, your eyes narrowing as an orb of light began to reflect, glowing bright before showcasing a bunch of sinners... partying? Was that how partying looked nowadays?

"Heavenly people, what more do you need to see? The pornstar chose a night of debauchery, that's not a soul worthy of being redeemed!" You side-eyed Adam. He had done way more debaucherous stuff than you cared to admit, and plus, if not partying was one of the factors for how you could get into heaven, the parties Alastor dragged you to would have caused you to plummet to Hell already.

"Are you telling me you never had a drink with friends after a hard day?" The Princess was right.

Thankfully, Sera was much more forgiving and less stupid than Adam, considering that she eventually allowed the Princess of Hell to continue. Still, you glared at Alastor, annoyed that you and Adam's ploy to get everyone so worked up over the serial killer in the room had not worked.

If the type of people the Princess of Hell, Charlotte Morningstar, wanted to redeem was a serial murderer, you would never accept the idea of redemption.

Alastor did not deserve such happiness.

You continued to watch, and the more you watched, the more you empathised with this Angel Dust... the more you felt inclined to care for him. You felt your heart — that you had assumed turned to stone for the sinners down in hell — slowly soften into clay for this sad man. Yet, despite how sad he clearly was, he was so strong. Stronger than anyone you had ever seen.

"See! He did everything on your list! He was selfless, he stopped Nifty from stealing and stuck it to that Moth man!" Charlie exclaimed, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

"Well, b- then why isn't he here then!" Adam sputtered out. "Hm?"

"Why isn't he here?" Emily and You said in unison.

"Wait, none of you know what gets someone into Heaven?"

The rest of the conversation was a blur to you as you struggled with the idea that you had no idea why you were in Heaven. If you had done one wrong thing... would that have condemned you to hell with Alastor?

You had not even comprehended the fact that they had started debating their ideas in song till Lute who was seated beside you, began to insult the sinner that all of you had been observing. Your eyes had solely been focused on Alastor the entire time, but theh quickly shot to Lute.

"What are we even talking about? Some crack whore who fucked up already! He blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth, this discussion is senseless and petty!" Lute sang, and you almost reached out for her, to not say such crude things in front of the Heavenly council and certainly to not insult a victim of abuse. Yet Lute and Adam flew away first and you frowned even deeper.

"Gotta say I can't wait to-"

"Adam." You turned to Sera.

"Come down and exterminate you!" Your eyes widened as you realised the severity of this situation. You now understood why this Princess was fighting so hard for this hotel.

Adam was killing the sinners.

He was no better than Alastor. No, even worse. Adam slaughtered an entire group of people without mercy. You felt bile rise up from your throat as they continued to sing, the tunes of their voice banging against your ears.

"Whoops!"

"Guess the cat's out of the bag!"

"What's the big deal?"

They didn't even see what was wrong with what they had said. You almost stumbled back thanks to shock and your absurdly long dress. Your entire world was sent into a frenzy as you felt so disgusted with yourself, for thinking that you could work with Adam, for siding with Sera and Adam — though briefly — for the idea of extermination. You felt yourself fall back, but someone was there to catch you.

Alastor's shadows manifested behind you, holding you close to his chest. "Be careful, Sweetheart." He said, helping you regain your balance as you felt too much anger with yourself to be angry at him.

"If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie!"

"Emily-"

"If Angels can do whatever and remain in the sky! The rules are shades of grey, when you don't do as you say, when you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again!"

Their words resonated with you, and you found your heart thumping to the melody of the song.

"Don't look there." Alastor whispered as a red hand came up to your face, covering your eyes. "I don't like to see you stressed, my darling." The warmth of his hand felt like that time when he had surprised you on your birthday, covering your eyes before revealing the cake he had bought and the decorations he had put up for you.

Despite how he covered your ears, you could hear the court arguing amongst themselves.

That's when you heard it.

Sera's voice boomed throughout the entire court, facing the sinners with a verdict. "I'm sorry, but this court finds that there is no evidence souls in Hell can be redeemed."

"Oh fuck yes! I win, suck it, bitches!"

"You better save the date cunts, because we're coming to your hotel, first." That's when Alastor manifested in front of them, his shadows pushing Adam back, almost causing him to topple over.

"Not a very clever idea, chum, it's rude to curse at ladies." Alastor warned, the shadowy tentacles slithering about, ready to attack Adam.

"Ugh, son of a bitch!" Adam cursed as he grabbed out his guitar. "Or maybe, I can just kill you fuckers now." He took out his guitar-axe and in a flash of light, you flew towards them, shielding the trio from Adam's strikes with your wings. Adam flew back when his guitar-axe made contact with your angelic wings, enchanted by a spell that slammed Adam and Lute back, crashing into the wall.

"Just because you're a winner, does not give you the privilege to harm someone else!" You yelled, never having such a fit of rage in your life as you spread out your wings. You were a bunny; prey, never the predator. But as you spread out your Enchanted wings, you felt yourself grow angrier as you thought of how Adam — that sadistic motherfucker — no doubt killed multiple sinners. Sinners who were just like Angel Dust, misguided, but deserving of redemption.

"Are you seriously defending them right now, you crazy bitch?" Adam grunted as he glared at you.

"I'm defending the principle of it." You hissed.

Sera and Emily looked down at you. Sera, in particular, had a sour look on her face.

"You say that demons cannot be redeemed to Heaven, but why can Angels fall?" You questioned. "Lucifer himself, was once an angel, God's favourite angel!"

"If angels can fall, then why can't demons rise?" You looked towards the Heavenly council as you sang. "After this, will you really believe all their lies?" You questioned through song as Adam got up, knowing you had little time to convince the court. "The rules aren't black and white, who decides what's wrong and right? Can you say that this is justice when you kill them again?" You sang, pleading for the court to just look past their prejudices.

Just then, you heard a snap of Adam's fingers as a portal emerged from behind all of you. "No!" You yelled when you noticed how the portal was leading to a red fiery pit you assumed was hell, but before you could even protest, you had been pushed in by Lute, causing the rest of the four of you to stumble back down into hell.

tags: @duckydinglers @ghostdoodlen @belletifeshyl

[mins-fins]

sound of rain

&&. it's raining, but that's the least of both of your problems.

pairing: na jaemin x gn!reader

genre: angst, fluff(?)

warnings: swearing, sadness, exes who are in love with each other but wont ever get back together

word count: 1k

notes: hiiiiiiiii tumblr users 😊 isa finally posted after all the hospital trips and mental anguish that i faced because god hates me 🫶 i love na jaemin.. as you can tell, and this idea was originally supposed to be much worse, much sadder, and contain character death, but i have a heart, so you guys didn't get that sadness.. okay see you next week with another update!!

the weather app is a fucking liar.

you hate the weather app, you hate the weather, and you absolutely hate the local convenience store for not having anymore umbrellas. of course you can't blame the convenience store for that, you really are just looking for something to be angry about, something to distract you from the water pooling in your shoes. just your luck.

you really need to punch someone, you need to be violent, you need to scream and yell, but you also have to keep your composure before someone thinks you're a crazy person.

you trudge your way down the sidewalk, clothes unkempt, hair falling flat as the rushing droplets hit your head at a laser quick pace.

you hate what you're doing to yourself, because you know where your going. your hands ball into fists at your side, and your soaking wet clothes remind you of how idiotic the move of walking in the rain is. still, you continue going, because there's really only one place nearby that you can go.

but it's the person whose there that peaks your anxiety.

you scowl at yourself, coming across the familiar sight of a place. you wrap your own arms around yourself and step into puddle after puddle, a sob heavy on your tongue as you raise your fist to knock the door.

it doesn't take long for it to open, because you know he's home, his lights are on. when the door opens, your met with a well acquainted gasp, one that gets a small laugh out of you, paired with a quick shiver.

"oh my— y/n.. what the fuck?"

"i'm sorry" you say immediately, keeping your arms wrapped around yourself. "for showing up unannounced, i know what we agreed on but no buses are coming anytime soon and my place is so fucking far away—"

"hey, it's fine really" his laughter is soft, a sound of solace you greatly missed hearing, and your able to hold back your sob. "come in you're gonna get sick!"

you ironically shiver at those words, stepping into the familiar warmth of your ex boyfriend's home. oh you missed this place, it's so easy to settle into, it just has this natural coziness about it that you could never explain.

as fast as jaemin opens the door, he runs across the hallway and comes back in with a towel, wrapping it around you. he places a hand on your back; "sit down".

your quick to shake your head. "i'm literally soaked, i don't want to get your couch wet.."

"oh shut up" he counters, nudging you closer to his couch. "sit, i don't care, there are clearly bigger problems".

you aren't sure if he's being hostile because you're stubborn, or because it's you. you want to hesitate, but he gives you a look, and you sit down, shivering against the towel around you.

jaemin sighs, and you shrink, you feel like he's mad at you. "you want hot chocolate?"

of course, even with your.. problems, he still cares about your wellbeing, even a little. you nod, words stuck in your throat, and that's all he needs, he turns on his heel to make his way towards the kitchen. you bump your feet together, trying to think about anything but your ex who is right there.

you can think about the rain. on most occasions you like the rain, when it isn't pouring at lightning speed, it relaxes you. you like when the rain is cold, like when it graces your skin in slow drops.

you had your first kiss with jaemin in the rain.

it was on a day just like this, you usually hate rain like this, but on that day, na jaemin had convinced you to go out in the rain with him, where he wrapped your arms around your waist and pressed his lips to yours, simply a week after you had officially become a couple.

that kiss haunts you all the time, that kiss meant forever, but you were also just stupid, naive, believed love could span all that time.

one of your wet hair strands graces your cheek, and your brought back to the reality of the situation by a meow. you look down at the floor, smiling at the sight of a cat pressing it's cheek against your leg.

"hi luna" you greet, and you get a resounding meow as a response. you missed jaemin's cats as much as you missed jaemin yourself, you found yourself getting sort of attached to them while you guys were dating.

"she missed you" you jump when you hear jaemin closer to you, standing beside the arm of the couch with a mug of hot chocolate. he extends his hands forward to give you the hot chocolate you asked for, and you take it. "i mean.. they all did, so much for not being a cat person".

you scoff. "i'm not a cat person, but i love your cats".

jaemin hums, sitting beside you. he doesn't sit close enough that you two brush against each other, but close enough that you can admire him up close. "you were basically their second owner".

were. that word stings, but you don't comment on it.

"you aren't thinking of walking back home, are you? it's gonna rain for the next few hours".

"it's fine, i'm not gonna melt or anything".

he doesn't like the sound of that, though, his jaw clenches in just the slightest, and he ignores how luna purrs on the floor. "just stay the night".

"jaemin i'm not gonna—"

"you aren't going back out in the rain, stay the night, you know i have another room".

of course you know, you practically lived here for a while. you pause, letting the heat of the hot chocolate melt onto your tongue. you listen to the hum of the house, luna still purring on the floor, climbing jaemin's leg and curling into his lap. "okay".

somehow, your throat feels dry, even with the hot chocolate you just drank. jaemin smiles, but the smile feels flat, as if lacking the happiness it should contain. "great" he whispers, caressing the soft fur of luna's back, he seems just as weird as about it as you do.

you can't look back at him, you won't be able to not kiss him if you do.

[alessiathepirate]

Resident Evil 2 - Resident Evil 4

SHARED WOUNDS HEAL TOGETHER THE BEST: Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader

Summary: Relationship development through nightmares and shared trauma.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I made while I wrote this short story.

Warnings: swearing, referenced PTSD, trauma, mentioned death, described violence, hurt/comfort

•••

Half a night full of nightmares

Escaping the unsurvivable doesn't come with good feelings at all.

It didn't fill her heart with pride or joy after she survived all those monsters in Raccoon City, even though she almost laughed from relief when she found herself far away from that God forsaken place with Leon, Claire and Sherry on her side.

No. The aftermath wasn't happy and it definitely wasn't fun. It was sad, insufferable and painful.

The mornings were alright - she didn't have any problems with those, especially when she could talk to either Leon or Claire, or take care of Sherry. But the nights - the nights were horrible and the first few after the incident were the worst.

She saw hoards of the undead in her dreams, attacking her or killing the people she cared about. She heard the noises of the lickers and the turned dogs, but the worst were the loud steps, making the walls and the ground she was standing on shake.

On the first night she relived the journalist's death so vividly, she didn't know where she was when she woke up. She saw him backing away and then the strong arm of the tyrant pushed through the concrete wall, it grabbed his head and crushed it like it was nothing. She remembered how the blood dripped down to the floor, how his eyes popped out of their places and how they were hanging out of his eye sockets, only a few weak muscles keeping them attached to his body.

When she woke up she couldn't breath, her chest was heavy, her throat felt both tight and dry and she was crying, the tears quickly running down her cheeks. She didn't know where she was or who she was, her mind was too far gone, still living in the world of the nightmare, not finding the way back to reality.

Two sudden hands on her shoulders pushed her back to the present, to the dirty motel room with the lights on, but with the curtains closed.

"Hey, hey! It's okay, it was just a nightmare! You're safe, I'm here. Do you hear me?" Leon's voice was full of fear, but he did his best not to panic as he tried to calm her down. His words made her breathing slow down and she felt like she can get some fresh air in her lungs again. "You have to take a big breath with me, okay? In and out." She followed his instructions as he brushed a few locks of hair out of her face, which got stuck to her forehead from the sweat. "Again- breath in... and out." He made eye contact with her, making sure she's feeling better. "You can calm down, it was just a bad dream."

She nodded, now understanding the situation she found herself in.

"Thank you." her mouth felt dry as she said those two words out loud.

"You have nothing to say thank you for." Leon smiled at her reassuringly. "Do you feel better now?"

She just nodded again, not trusting her voice this time. Leon backed away and sat down next to her on the bed.

She felt awkward as she sat up, leaning against the bedframe as she pulled the duvets to the side, because she felt like she was burning alive under them. She hugged her knees to her chest as she looked at Leon again.

"You can talk about it if you want to. I had one too, you know... a nightmare."

She stayed quiet as she thought about what to do, but then her strength to keep all the fear in herself broke.

"I had a dream about the journalist's- about Ben's death... It was like I- relived that moment, you know. When the tyrant killed him." she explained as a shiver run through her spine at the memories. "What was yours about?"

"That we never made it out alive." he started. "That every one of you died right before the finish line and when I tried to get back to you I got attacked as well."

"I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"I don't know." she answered after she realized how stupid it would be to apologize for the whole Raccoon City incident, when it wasn't her fault - nor their fault at all. "For scaring you because of some shitty dream I had... For what happened or- I don't know."

"It's not your fault. You can't do anything against the dreams you have and I'm sure you did your absolute best in Raccoon City. We all did."

They smiled at each other, but it was a very broken, pitiful smile.

"I'll always be here if you want to talk about, you know- what happened."

"The same goes for you." she said. "Where are the others? Claire and Sherry?"

"Claire wanted to get something to eat and Sherry wanted to go with her. You fell asleep so I didn't want to leave you alone." Leon explained and then added jokingly: "And then I fell asleep as well so I guess we were both too tired to care about food. They should be back in a few minutes."

"Thanks for staying with me."

Leon just smiled and then stood up, walking towards the only table the cheap motel room had.

"Claire was able to get some tea from that nice lady at reception. Do you want some? I mean, it's already cold, but-"

"It's perfect. Thank you."

A few moments later they were both sitting on her bed, drinking that ice cold tea as they made sure the other was feeling better after half a night full of nightmares. Neither of them knew how important that little gesture will be in their shared future.

•••

The already full jar of trauma

The moment she heard Leon's voice from his bedroom, she was up, her bare feet were on the cold floor, not caring about what she had on or how low the temperature in their apartment was. Her reflexes, which became quite sharp after that horrible night, acted on their own accord, and the next thing she knew she was running to her flatmate's bedroom, not bothering to knock.

Just like she thought - Leon's body was sweaty and he was tossing and turning in his bed with an uncomfortable look on his face. All the tiredness was gone from her eyes as she sat down next to him on his bed and put one of her hands on his chest while the other was gently caressing his face.

"Leon?" she spoke up kindly, her voice rough from sleeping beforehand. "Leon, please wake up! It's just a dream. Leon?"

He suddenly opened his eyes as he sat up so quickly she had to lean back so he won't bump into her.

"It's okay!" she tried to reassure him as she touched his arm. "It was just a bad dream."

He looked at her, his eyes teary from both dream and sleep and the next thing she knew, he hugged her, his arms keeping her in place tightly, afraid to let go.

She was shocked at first, that moment being the first time ever he hugged her or was that close to her, but she didn't complain. She knew how bad a nightmare can be, how bad of a reaction it can get out of someone. So she hugged him back and stroked his arm as his breathing became more even.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she said, her face still pressed against his shoulder.

She felt him swallow.

"Do you remember Marvin?" he asked even though he knew the answer.

Marvin was still a fresh wound and a painful topic - especially the way he died and the why he died. The man was a hero; he saved them from getting eaten and he gave them the right weapons and best gear they could ever find.

She nodded, but the memories still hurt.

"I had a dream about him."

"I'm sorry. You had to shoot him because of me."

It was true and she'll probably always feel guilty because of it. It was her fault - her fault that Leon had to shoot him dead and with that add to the already full jar of trauma.

She wasn't careful and let the turned Marvin attack her. His hands were already on her and if Leon doesn't react quickly, he would've bit her right in the neck.

"It wasn't your fault." Leon said and after taking a long breath he continued: "He was already gone. It was between you and him, and he was already gone."

Even if it was a painful topic, she knew she can be thankful that Leon was there and acted quickly.

"Thank you for being there that day." she said after she pushed Leon back so she can look him in the eye. "But you can't blame yourself either. I hope you know that."

He nodded, silently saying that he does.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Not anymore, no."

"We can watch something if you want to."

"Yeah." she answered, knowing none of them would be able to fall sleep again. "That would be great. A shitty comedy would be great."

•••

Keep on talking

She was so tired she felt like she could cry at any little thing - yet sleep stayed far away from her. It didn't want to come, it didn't want to give her what she needs and covets.

Her whole body hurt from that morning's obstacle training and hand-to-hand combat - both lessons left cuts and purple, blue or even yellow bruises on her arms, legs and stomach. Her muscles were aching, screaming for even a few hours of sleep, but both the sleep and dreams stayed away.

"Are you still up?"

Leon's question was so sudden in the darkness that it gave her heart an ache from fear, her heartbeat becoming faster.

They shared a bunk bed together. Leon chose the lower part so she owned the upper one - but deep down she knew Leon made that decision so he can look out for her and be her guard dog until the end of the damn training.

"Yeah." she whispered back, not wanted to wake up the others.

"You can't sleep?"

"Exactly, but I want to." her voice became high pitched, so she had to swallow to keep the tears back. "God, I really want to."

Leon whispered her name, his voice was full of worry and that was what broke the dam. The tears started to fall from both mental and physical pain, tiredness.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't without waking the others up, knowing her voice would be rough and high pitched.

She heard him pull the duvet to the side, she was sure he sat up on his bed. Then his bare feet made contact with the floor and in the next moment she could see Leon's face as he grabbed the side of her bed. His expression was full of sadness.

"Do you want to sleep next to me tonight?" he asked quietly, gently touching her hand.

She nodded.

"Come here..."

She did her best to stay silent as she wiped away her tears and then climbed down, her arms shaking as she did so. Leon was there to help her, holding her, keeping his hand on her back as support.

When she was down he turned her towards himself, wiped the remaining tears away and gently stroked a bruise on her collarbone. She only then noticed that he had a few bruises himself as well, a purple one hiding right under his jaw, but she could still see it in the moonlight.

"Who did you fight with?"

"Why, you want to beat him up?" he asked teasingly, trying to crack a joke.

She didn't giggle, caring about his health and well being too much to take it as a joke.

"Of course I want to."

"You can have one guess." he sighed.

"Krauser?"

"Who else?"

"What an asshole." she whispered.

"What about you? Who do I have to beat up?"

"You can have one guess." she quoted him. "I had hand-to-hand combat right after you."

Leon didn't say anything to that, he only stroked her cheek reassuringly and then gestured towards his bed. She lay down on his bed and tried to find a position where she leaves place for Leon as well. He joined her moments later and pulled the duvet over the two of them.

"Try to rest, okay? You need it." he whispered.

"I know." she started. "I just got to a point where I'm too tired to fall asleep."

"Do you want me to keep on talking?"

"If you want to."

One of his hands found her waist and pulled her shirt down to cover her skin, and then through the material he started to draw different shapes into her. First a square, then a circle, a triangle, a star and then a smiley face.

"Did I tell you that Claire called right before we had to come here?" he asked.

"No."

"Well she did. She told me all about what she wants to do" she closed her eyes as he started to talk. "and about who she met. She asked about us. She was surprised that we became flatmates, joking that that's how dumb romance books start..."

She fell asleep right after that, her mind finally finding peace at his words. What she didn't realize was how she was admired while she was sleeping and how well Leon slept next to her that night.

That was the first time they asked themselves if they are really just friends or something more.

•••

You'll always have Prince Charming, cariño

Their first night together as a couple shouldn't go like this - with this heavy, burning feeling inside their chests.

The well known feeling of guilt made that night harder than ever. It's been a while since they were this afraid of falling asleep and it wasn't easy to get used to again, even if they both got a routine for those nights.

Taking a shower, getting dressed for bed, cooking dinner and then watching something on the TV - trying to do everything slowly to avoid going to sleep, trying to keep their eyes open so they can concentrate on the crappy movie, trying to not think about who they lost.

"We should go to bed or you'll fall asleep on the couch." Leon was the first to break the silence and the tension in the air.

They were both watching some stupid comedy on the TV, but while Leon was sitting with tired eyes, she was resting her head on his thigh. Her eyes closed a few minutes ago and she almost fell asleep when he spoke up.

"I don't want to." she started. "I'll have nightmares and I really can't deal with them tonight."

Leon's hand started to stroke her back and she sighed - being there with him gave her a peace of mind, but it also made her really sleepy.

"I know what you mean - but we have to give it a try. We've been a through a lot and we need to rest."

"I know. I just-" she sat up so she can look at him. "I just don't want to relive Luis' death... I just can't."

Leon looked at her like she said the exact thing he had been feeling and thinking about. He gave her a sad smile and took her hand in his, drawing the usual shapes into her skin with his thumb.

"Luis didn't deserve to die." she continued, trying to get everything what hurts off of her chest. "Even if he was always flirting or being annoying; he was nice. And he was really trying to do the right thing."

"And he was your biggest supporter." Leon added with a small, honest smile.

"No, he was our biggest supporter." she corrected him, letting out a giggle as she remembered all the things he said to her. "He was trying to make me see what our relationship truly is- that what you and I have is more than friendship."

"He was right, wasn't he?"

She nodded and the smile she had disappeared as she got back to reality. To the reality where Luis Serra is dead no matter how hard she tried to save his life.

She thought about the memories she shares with Leon and realized that no matter what they do or where they go, they always meet with tragedy and death. Those things overshadow their relationship and its development, not letting them fully enjoy what they have.

Luis would've loved to see their confession. He would've loved to see their faces when they realize they both feel the same way about the other. He would've wanted them to be happy.

Even if it's hard to be happy and smile.

What would he say? Something cheesy and romantic. Something like: You'll always have Prince Charming to make you smile even on hard days, cariño.

And he'd be right. She'll always smile when she sees Leon. She'll always laugh at his jokes. She'll get through everything if he's by her side.

"All right." she spoke up suddenly, making Leon stop his movements. "We can try and get some sleep- together."

"Together." he agreed and then leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

God, Luis would be smirking with that proud, annoying smirk of his.

A few moments later they were cuddling under the duvets in Leon's room; her head was on his chest as he was stroking her back. She didn't dare to close her eyes yet, but she enjoyed the closeness with her lover.

Lover, she thought. It's good they had Luis to make them see they are better lovers than friends.

That's how she should remember him. Luis Serra, the best wingman the world has ever known. The bravest, kindest wingman the world has ever known.

"Leon?" she spoke up in the darkness as she closed her eyes.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

"No. There's nothing wrong. Everything is fine when I'm with you." she explained when she heard the fear in his voice. "I just wanted to say I love you."

For a moment Leon's heartbeat and breathing changed, and his hand stopped.

"I love you too, darling. Now try to get some sleep, okay?"

"Promise me you'll wake me up if you have a nightmare..."

"I promise, but the same goes for you."

Leon pressed one last kiss to the back of her hand and then they both closed their eyes, trying to enjoy the other's presence, knowing they don't have to be afraid of nightmares. Not when they have the other.

•••

[eleganzadellarosa]

Thank you for responding! Can I request Kimi no na wa theme kyungsoo fic?

pairing: timetraveler!kyungsoo x fem!reader

genre: fantasy, a lot of angst (i'm so sorry), fluff

word count: will update later

warnings: POV switches a lot (promise it will all make sense), heavy mentions of death, slow burn?

A/N: thank you so much for this request! I actually had to go watch the movie (I know I’m late, but it was such a great movie) before writing this and I can honestly say, this was the most brainpower I’ve had to use but I really enjoyed the challenge 🫶 Also, I did change the plot a little but I tried to keep the overall theme. As always, thank you for reading and enjoy your day :)

taglist: @sleepingbeautydo

Your eyes open but your body still, maybe even stiff was the word to describe it. That same ache in your head you had every morning. You’ve accepted that now most days would leave you feeling “paralyzed”.

It was weird, they started suddenly and they’ve been constant since. Sleep was no longer peaceful, it just filled the void that your body knew was supposed to be full. Yet, how were you still so tired? It’s been like that for…what day is it? You didn’t have much time to sit and think about it, you had to leave for school in the next 15 minutes.

You finally sat up and stretched all the aches and kinks out of your sore shoulders. You wish one day soon you could get back to your old routine and go back to being the grade A student you were so accustomed to. Whatever, gotta go before that bell rings.

“Another sleepless night huh?” Your friend Clementine, Clem for short, leaned down to see your face as she walked next to you.

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m starting to think that I should maybe see a doctor.”

“A doctor? Yeah maybe you should. This whole losing sleep thing can’t be healthy. I hope you can get this resolved soon.” She says, putting a hand on your back.

You both walked into class, waving at the familiar faces as you hurried to your seats. Clem always sits next to you, it was never a spoken agreement, it just happened and you never bothered to change it.

Perfect timing. Mrs. Akiyama walked in looking prim and pristine as she always does; elegant if you will.“Good morning class! Before we get started, there will be a new classmate joining us and I want you all to give him a warm welcome.” She gestured to someone outside of the door and he stepped inside. “Everyone this is Kyungsoo, he’s from out of town so it would be great if some of you showed him around.”

The boy bowed slightly. He seemed shy but anyone would be with 32 pairs of eyes staring you down awaiting the words that come out of your mouth. Your introduction can make or break your experience at school. You can be labeled as a multitude of things just based of what you say and how you say it. It was a time for everyone to form their judgements about you and see whether you lived up to them or not.

“Hello, my name is Kyungsoo. Nice to meet you.”

Simple, short and he didn’t stutter. Much better than your first day but thankfully you made peace with that abomination. Mrs. Akiyama gestured to the empty desk adjacent to you and Clem. It would be nice to finally have someone fill that spot but he’d be all alone with no seat mate. Surely he wouldn’t mind since whoever you sit next to, you’re stuck with them until next grade.

“Hi Kyungsoo, I’m Clementine!” Clem turned in her seat to whisper her greetings to him.

He smiled and bowed his head in return as he sat his bag in the space next to him. He bowed to you too and you hadn’t noticed you were tilted forward in your chair to see him until he did so. You quickly sat down and turned your attention back to the big chalkboard at the front of the room; ears burning red with embarrassment.

“That’s all for today class, I will see you tomorrow!” Mrs. Akiyama was always punctual with her classes but they never fell short of knowledge.

“Kyungsoo, would you like to come eat with us? We stop at the small park not far from here.” Clem spoke as she packed her supplies in her backpack. You listened carefully for his response, although you didn’t expect much of an answer from him.

“Oh…that would be nice as long as the both of you don’t mind.”

“Oh, well I don’t mind. Do you?” Clem looked back at you and when you looked up, they were already staring.

You swallowed thickly before answering, “I don’t mind either, you’re welcome to join us Kyungsoo.” You tried to muster a small smile, but with the way your lips sat against your teeth, it must have been nothing but awkward.

Outside, you walked arm in arm with Clem and Kyungsoo followed closely behind. He must have felt like a third wheel, but you didn’t know what to say or do to make him feel more comfortable. Perhaps this lack of sleep was turning you into an asshole too.

“Oh Kyungsoo where are you going? We can walk there, it’s not too far.” Clem turned to the new boy as he walked toward the side of the school entrance.

“I can’t leave my bike, my parents would kill me.” He said, his voice fading the further he got.

You and Clem looked at each other and shrugged your shoulders. He came around on a beige colored bike, a basket in front. For him to be so to himself, he surely did attract attention with the large assortment of flowers on the back. There were so many that a few fell off unbeknownst to him.

“Sorry, I can’t just leave these here, I can follow you this way if that’s okay.”

“I mean, sure but you’ll have to pedal so slowly…” Clem said out loud what you were thinking.

“It’s alright, I’ll be okay.”

And with that, the three of you were off to the park to enjoy your meals. Who knew that soon you three would be close knit; the three musketeers.

The day felt incomplete if Kyungsoo didn’t meet you and Clem in the park. The small talk at the bench, the relaxing naps on the grass, even spending the weekends at each other’s houses. He was a great person to be around, very socially aware and knew exactly how to make everyone feel comfortable without saying or doing too much.

“What do you wanna be when you grow up Soo?” You were more comfortable with him now, cutting off part of his name to give him a nickname.

“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the smell of the flowers embedded in my brain, but I think I just want to be a florist. What about you?”

You wanted to be a florist too. You eventually decided on this after growing a newfound love for all the different colors, shapes and sizes of all the flowers he would tow with him. But maybe that wasn't the only reason. “A nurse.”

Both Kyungsoo and Clem nodded in unison as if they agreed that was a job that would fit you well. You didn’t think so though, you weren't too fond of having to meet new people.

The sun was close to setting and with Kyungsoo around it was easy to let the time pass you by. The orange and red hue in the sky giving you the last hour or so to lead you home with its natural light.

“We should all get going, we have that big exam tomorrow.” Clem stood, knocking an ant off her sneaker.

“Yeah, I was just about to head home. Are you gonna walk home Clem?”

“Nope, my mom should be pulling up soon. You’re walking? I can ask her to drop you off.”

“Nah it’s okay, wanna enjoy the sunset a little longer.” You say, looking to your left to see her mother’s blue car pull up on the side of the road.

“Okay, call me when you get home! Be safe!” She quickly hugs you after grabbing her backpack and runs to the car to get in. She waved to you and Kyungsoo with her window down as her mom pulled off.

“You sure you wanna walk?” Kyungsoo asked, grabbing his things as well.

“Yeah I promise I’m fine, you don’t have to stay.”

He nodded hesitantly but eventually got on his bike to ride home. He was long out of your eyesight when you noticed he left his name tag for his uniform, so you neatly packed it in the front of your backpack. It was much darker now, but the faint pink and red brushstrokes set a timer for about 20 more minutes which meant you could be 60% of the way home.

You opted for a light jog and when you came upon the crosswalk, you took the chance not seeing any cars coming from either way. That was until you heard screeching tires and instead of stopping, you kept running and tripped onto the concrete.

You sat up and watched as the newly opened skin bled; a fresh scrape on your left knee. It hurt but you still had a 30 minute walk home before you could focus on the pain.

“Are you okay?! Do you want to ride on my bike?”

You looked up hearing the familiar voice. Of course it was him. You’ve come to realize that Kyungsoo was sweet, caring and very well mannered. The type of person you couldn't help but like; couldn't help but fall for. That was the reason right? The reason why you felt butterflies creep in your stomach when he offered you a helping hand and let you hold onto his waist as you sat on the back of his bike. You were home in no time, but you wish it had taken a lot longer. What was he doing here anyways?

“How did you find me Kyungsoo?”

"Hmm?" He was crouched down at your knee, cleaning the wound. "I came back for my name tag but then I saw you. Glad I did."

You nodded your head and watched him apply a bandage over the injured area. How much did he keep in his backpack? "Oh right, I actually have it with me! I picked it up but you were already gone, I was gonna give it to you tomorrow."

He sat on the ground next to you and thanked you for his stuff. "Maybe you should just start riding with me on my bike after school. I don't mind dropping you off; your house is like 20 minutes from mine."

"It's okay, I don't want to inconvenience you like that." You should have said yes.

He turned toward you, knees touching yours and grabbed your hand, catching you completely off guard. "But what if you get into another accident? The driver didn't even bother to get out and help you!"

You were kind of shocked to see him so concerned, considering how nice he always is but something just felt so off. He seemed…scared? Of course he would after seeing his friend almost get hit by a truck, but it just seemed different.

"Okay class, I need everyone to take these permission slips home and have your parents sign them for the trip next week. Bring them back tomorrow so I can get them all submitted and we know how many of you are coming."

"So we all agree we're excited right?" Clem said after class was dismissed.

"Yeah..." Kyungsoo scratched the back of his head, "about that, I'm not going."

"WHAT?!" You and Clem shouted in unison. "Why not?"

It broke your heart knowing that he'd miss out on the first school trip of the year. It was kind of an annual thing, only difference is where it would take place. Your school was very big on community service and this year, they'd be taking you all to the mountains to help in the fruit fields. The food services were the best, it meant you could take home half of what you harvested and everyone knows they have some of the freshest fruits up there.

"It gets really busy this time of year with all the parties and graduations at the shop and my parents need an extra set of hands."

You pouted and Clem exaggerated a crying sound as she threw her head back. “It’s only one day, you sure you can’t make it?” You heard yourself and you almost sounded desperate, but he was now your other best friend so of course you wanted him there.

“Really wish I could but I don’t really have a say so. Of course I wanna go, but I also know my parents need the help.”

Clem walked over to him and hugged him tight, “you’re such a good son.”

You laughed and pulled her off of him, “Why are you saying it like you’re his mom?”

At that, the three of you laughed. At least you could spend the rest of this week with him and a few days into next week before you’d have to wean yourself off of his addictive presence for a day.

"You suuure you don't want to come with me?" He asked, squinting from the direct shine of the sun in his eyes.

"Kyungsoo why do you want me to not go on this trip so badly? Clem's gonna be there and you know she wants me to come. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were scared for me to go."

His smile faltered slightly. "Scared? What if I was?"

"Then I'd tell you that you had nothing to worry about. I promise I'll be okay, I'll even call you when I get there."

He walked up to you and hugged you. Your face and ears felt hot, you had never been so close to him before. Your arms wrapped around his torso and he hugged you a bit tighter. He whispered something in your ear but before you could ask him what he said, Clem called out to you to get on the bus.

It was big and spacious, a lot different than what the normal city or school bus looked like. Of course Clem sat next to you and you sat next to the window. Even if he couldn’t be there, you’d at least pick a little extra just for him; you were sure they wouldn’t mind.

You had to admit though, Kyungsoo being so nervous for you to be on this very bus made your heart beat a little faster. Where'd all of that fear come from? After that one almost hit and run, he hasn't been the same; he's been so protective over you. You stared out the window next to you, trying to shake the anxiety blooming in your nerves. You snapped out of it when Clem slapped a hand on your back as she laughed at a joke you missed, but you faked a laugh nonetheless.

Admittedly, all the twists and turns up the slope of the mountain didn't make it much better. To make matters worse, it began to lightly drizzle, making the ground a bit more slippery. Surprisingly the road was a two way street, so every car that passed on the side of the bus seemed to shake the ground a bit more. You closed your eyes and laid your head on Clem's shoulder; hopefully this would help clear your mind a bit.

You had fallen asleep in the midst of trying to “think good thoughts”. It didn’t seem like much time passed with how the path ahead still didn’t straighten up but you weren’t too sure. The atmosphere had died down a lot, some kids taking naps, others listening to music through their headphones. You took out your phone and texted a quick “wish you were here” to Kyungsoo to let him know that you missed him.

But then that’s when you saw it. The car headed straight for the front of the bus because it lost control on the wet ground. You saw it, but the driver didn't see it because of the split second he looked away to set his cup to the side. So when both vehicles made impact and the bus leaned onto it's side, this was it, this is what he was scared of. The bus burst into flames, frightful screams filling the spaces where the fire had not yet reached. You had grabbed Clem's arm, unconsciously bracing her for the crash that had come. She was screaming something at you and you hadn't noticed until just now when the orange light lined the walls and cracked the windows.

You looked over to see a line of liquid flowing from the underside of the carriage and past the window that kissed the ground. There was no doubt what it was, it made sense. Gasoline. There wasn't much time left now but with no one able to get the emergency exit at the back open, there was but a single outcome. That's when the tears started to fall and you wished you had listened to him. You missed him. You wish you were on the back of his bike right now. You hugged Clem tight and told her you loved her. And you loved Kyungsoo too, but he wasn't here to hear you say that.

18 dead in bus explosion

A splitting headache, but what's new? How many days were you going to wake up like this? You needed to find a way to get rid of them so your grades can go back to normal. But speaking of school, if you didn't get up right now, you were never going to make it to class on time. You quickly got ready and stood in front of your mirror, smoothing the wrinkles out of your skirt. It was pointless since they'd come back once you sat down, but you liked knowing you at least tried.

School thankfully wasn't far so you usually walked there, but today you'd have to take the bus if you were to sit in your seat before your teacher walked in. Public transportation was easy to access, a bus running every 10 minutes and if you calculated it correctly, one should be pulling up in 2 minutes. When it did, a chilling sensation came over you as you stood in front of the double doors. Were you really that tired?

When you arrived at school, your best friend Clementine was waiting in the hallway for you. She waved when she noticed you and vice versa. She connected her arm with yours swaying side to side as you both walked toward the classroom. She noticed how quiet you were, so she leaned forward to look at you.

“Another sleepless night huh?”

“Yeah I guess so, I’m starting to think maybe I should see a doctor.”

“A doctor? Yeah maybe you should. This whole losing sleep thing can’t be healthy. I hope you can get this resolved.” She says, putting a hand on your back. You nodded then stopped in your tracks. Wait… “Everything okay?” She asked.

“Y-yeah, I just had the strangest case of deja vu.”

3 days earlier

Back again? Well of course it was another failed attempt, he couldn’t stop her from going on the trip and apparently will never be able to. Damn, back to square one. What would it take for her to just listen to him? Maybe he needed to stop trying to change what already happened in the past and move on with his life.

But she was supposed to be HIS life. He imagined it so many times, how happy he’d be instead of the sad, depressed man he was currently. It was taking over his life slowly but he couldn’t find the strength to let go. He had been working on a time machine for years and once he finally perfected it and gave it a try, he realized just how much more effort would have to go into his “elaborate plan”.

10 years in the present, life still moving on day by day and instead of living comfortably, he counted down the days until he could try again. There had to be something he could do to make her obey so that instead of an empty space on his couch, she would fill it. “3 more days” he thought, just 3 more until he could use the time machine again and have another chance at changing his life as a whole.

As with any piece of machinery, this one had its flaws, having to wait a few days in between travels or else it would overheat and stop working. He prayed before every trip that he would come back safely; that his machine never stopped working until he was successful. But time waited for no one, even for someone who quite literally has been to his past more times than he could count.

It was time to go to work. The same place he had to smell those same flowers every day. Flowers were supposed to make people happy, but for him, they just pulled him down further in the deep, dark abyss of misery. Maybe he should quit and get another job. Anything but here, even if he had to be a janitor. He hadn’t thought about what to do for college. School wasn’t really a place he felt happy in anymore. But who could blame him?

“Welcome in, have a look around and feel free to ask any questions.”

It was like a broken record with the amount of times he said that same rehearsed line over and over and over again. His life was bleak; black and white in a sea of colors and beautiful fragrance. Still 3 more days, just now it was 3 days, 11 hours and 52 minutes. He let out a sigh. Hopefully his hard work would pay off in the near future.

“Hello, I’d like a bouquet with blue hyacinths and baby’s breath please!” The customer stood at the counter with a bright smile. She was pretty, and she looked to be around his age.

“Sure, a small or large bouquet? The small gets wrapped in paper and the large comes in a vase.”

“Oh, umm a small one would be perfect!”

He nodded his head and got to work on the customer’s request. He walked around the store and gathered the flowers he needed.

White chrysanthemums.

He paused and looked at them for a while.

He missed you.

He hurriedly walked away before the tears that brimmed his eyes could fall. He picked up a few baby’s breath and walked back to the front counter to assemble the flowers with skill.

“Here you go, I hope they’re received well.” He smiled or as much as he could with the thought of you still lingering in the back of his mind.

“Thank you! Have a great day!”

He was glad someone was happy. Maybe he would be too in 3 days, 11 hours and 40 minutes.

“Why would your parents care about those flowers? And why do you have so many?” Clem asked what you weren’t brave enough to, like always.

“My parents are florists and they use this bike for deliveries. I didn’t want to take the bus because I would have to leave earlier and they said the only way I could use it is if I help promote their shop.” He had slightly pouted when he finished, taking a bite of the rice balls he had for lunch. “I like riding a bike but sometimes I hate those stupid flowers.”

“Can’t you at least tidy them up a bit?” Clem asks, your chin resting on her shoulder as you both await his answer.

“That’s the thing, they are tidy. There’s just so damn many!” He slid his lunch box over to you both, four perfect rice balls sitting in the square space. “I packed extra and would hate for them to go to waste.”

You were the first to react and reach for one, a small “thank you” leaving your throat. They were amazing. Top notch even. You never knew they could taste even better than they usually do.

“Maybe my parents can give you a ride home?” Clem offered, although that wouldn’t really solve Kyungsoo’s problem.

He thought about it for a while though, perhaps to not immediately deny her offer and come off as rude. “Hmm, I could but the bike would stay and I’ll be dead before tomorrow.”

“What about little samples every day?” Clem and Kyungsoo both turned their attention to you. “Umm like…something on the teacher’s desk or having one in your chest pocket. That way you don’t have to bring so many but still help advertise their shop.”

“Ooooh yeah, that’s a great idea! You should ask Mrs. Akiyama after asking your parents. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.”

He nodded his head, "You're right. Maybe I can take a poll and see what everyone's favorite flowers are. I doubt there's anything we don't have."

"What's the most sold flower and which ones are your least favorite?"

"Roses are obviously most popular but for very cliche reasons. Guys always assume every girl likes roses and not to say they won't accept them but there are so many more options out there. As for my least favorite...white crysanthemums."

"But those are so pretty?" You straighten your posture in surprise.

"Yeah but they're also the most used at funerals, so they often carry the meaning of death. It gets pretty sad when those get shopped for. You can see it in their faces when they ask for them; it’s like they’re looking through you. They just look defeated and I wish I could hug them all."

Your heart ached listening to his reasoning. You never thought about it like that. You’d only been to two funerals in your life and now that he mentioned it, those flowers were surely always there.

“Well what about your favorite flower?” It put a smile on your face to see the change in his expression.

“Sunflowers! They can grow quite tall if you take care of them, but I think they’re cool because they turn toward the sun whenever it’s around. I’ll show you! I’ll bring you one tomorrow and we can keep it here at school!”

You suddenly felt shy and your face felt so warm. Clem chuckled and gently bumped her shoulder against yours. It made Kyungsoo avoid eye contact and clear his throat. He didn’t have to bring it, you were already sure that sunflowers were your new favorite.

“I’m gonna head home now you guys, thanks for the great suggestion!”

He waved to you and Clem as he got on his bike. As he rode away, something that hung low at the back, dragged against the ground making a slight scraping noise.

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want Kyungsoo to be your boyfriend?” Clem cheekily asked when she no longer saw him in the distance.

“What?! Zero! zero zero zero!” You playfully slapped her arm and she got up from her seat and ran away as you chased her.

You sighed deeply once inside the house. You rested against the door, letting the events of tonight finally kick in. You really almost got hit by a truck and the driver could care less. You held your face in your hands and let the tears fill your palms. You weren’t mentally prepared for something so scary to happen but you also felt crazy for enjoying this night a lot because you spent some time with Kyungsoo alone.

Maybe Clem was right, maybe you had an answer for why you wish you could ride on the back with him forever. To feel your head leaned against his back and your arms around his waist. To anticipate the butterflies in your stomach every time you would make eye contact with him. His smile, his laugh, his warmth. Maybe you should stop trying to deny the way you were falling for him more and more every day.

But it didn’t matter because you knew the love was one sided.

He held onto the bottom of your jacket, anything to keep you close and make you want to stay. He didn’t want to come off as annoying or clingy but he couldn’t help it. What was there to say? What was there to do? The time was approaching quickly and one by one the students began filling up the seats on the bus.

He embraced you in a hug, his breathing becoming uneven and a lump forming in his throat. His heart warmed when you hugged him back. He was happy he got the chance to hug his perfect girl but he knew he was unsuccessful yet again. Alas, it didn't stop him from saying what he wanted to say.

"I love you." He whispered in your ear before your best friend called out to you.

ding

You: wish you were here :’(

He looked down at your message and smiled. He sat perched against his headboard. He was going to text you back but he really wanted to hear your voice. He dialed your number and waited to hear the click indicating you picked up.

But it just rang.

And rang.

And he cried as he laid his head down on his pillow to drift off to sleep.

New plan. Maybe he needed to keep a journal of every conversation you’ve had with him. And yes he does remember. Partially because just like he greets the customers, you never broke free from your usual dialogue no matter what he said. There must be something he was missing. Was he not bold enough? Is that what you needed, for him to kiss you until you agreed? But you didn’t love him the way he loved you.

“Excuse me, we’d like to order 100 white chrysanthemums.”

The group of teens in front of him broke his train of thought. White chrysanthemums? What did they need those for?

“Sure thing…but if you don’t mind me asking, what are they going to be used for?”

“The high school we go to, today is the death anniversary of a past class who were killed in a bus accident.”

His heart dropped. Was he really so focused on you that he..forgot you? He’d visit you every year with a bouquet of sunflowers and a love letter. He knew you’d love it, you were sappy like that and apparently so was he.

“Excuse me…” she turned to her friends and whispered, “did I say something wrong?”

“No…no I just didn’t know they were still doing things like that. I’m glad you’re not forgetting them, they were great people.”

They exchanged sympathizing glances and sent him their condolences. He thanked them and then gathered his things to fulfill their order.

He got on his bike, those beautiful yellow petals rested inside the basket on the front. He pulled right in front of the columbarium and adjusted the collar on his shirt. He always double checked his appearance as if you would be standing right in front of him. They had a great photo of you, something that really captured just how beautiful you looked. And you were smiling. A smile he never got tired of seeing and never stopped trying to make appear.

“Hey” he started with a smile, “can you believe I almost forgot today? Thankfully these kids came in the shop and said they were honoring you…and Clem and everyone. Even Mrs. Akiyama.” He swallowed slowly in an attempt to stop himself from bawling. “I always tell myself to stay strong when I come see you, but you know it’s hard for me right? When I miss you this much? I won’t stop trying to have you here with me. Even if I have to crawl, I won’t stop.”

He looked over to see other people approaching to visit their loved ones, so he left to give them their space. 3 more days. He could wait.

Three more days he waited only to wake up on that same dingy orange sofa. It was the only thing he had left from his old house, one that you and Clem have both sat on with him as you all watched movies or played games. He rubbed his eyes and became more aware of his surroundings. More aware of the soft pitter patter against his window. What was that?

He quickly sat up when he recognized the sound. No no no, this can’t be happening. He threw on a raincoat and tripped over his rain boots as he put them on. He stood as he pedaled as fast as he could. This couldn't be happening at a worse time. He checked the weather these past few days and never did it say he should expect rain. Never did it say it would fucking rain today.

He was good with these things, he knew the tent he kept his device in only protected it from the sun and barely so. But he knew that whenever there was a chance of rain, he had a safe space in his home to store it until it was over. Why did it not say it would rain? The closer he got, the bigger and heavier the drops became, it was absolutely pouring.

The makeshift tent was soaked through and through. He went inside and watched as the drops poured down straight onto the equipment. He grabbed anything he could find to soak up the water. But it was no use and he knew that but he had to have hope.

Yet, there was nothing he could do but wait and see what drying it out after the storm would do. However that had the same success rate as trying to water a flower after it has dried up and wilted. But of course that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try; he had to try for you.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Me?” You were surprised for some reason that he had something he was so curious about that he couldn’t help but ask. You glanced at Clem before answering, “Yeah, of course.”

“Do you ever feel like this day has been happening over and over again? Like deja vu?”

A chill ran through your body. “N-no?”

“That’s not true, you said that to me earlier! Wow Kyungsoo can you predict the future?”

“Not cool Clem!” You swatted at her. “But what do you mean? Do you feel that way?”

“Hmm, not exactly. You don’t feel like you’ve seen me before? Like you’ve heard my voice before?” He reached out to grab your hand. “What about this, does this seem familiar?”

Your heart was beating fast and you were starting to feel like you were going to faint. You quickly pulled your hand back. “You’re scaring me Kyungsoo…”

He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. Let me give you something before I go.” He walked up to his bike and grabbed a sunflower, white chrysanthemum and a note from his back pocket. “I hope this will help you remember something. You won’t understand this now, but don’t get on that bus for the trip okay. Just trust me.”

Before you could question him, he was already on his bike, riding off with that agitating scraping sound following closely behind. What was even was that making that noise and why did it seem so familiar?

“What was that about?” Clem asked looking just as confused as you felt. There was a lot of emotions you felt, but confusion was definitely number one.

“I-I don’t know but I think I should head home, my head is killing me.”

“Should I call my mom? She wouldn’t mind dropping you off.”

“Nah it’s okay, I’m just going to catch the bus back. I’ll catch you later Clem.”

You grabbed your things and hugged her before going to wait at the bus stop. On the ride back home, you reached into your bag and pulled out the flowers and the letter he had given you earlier. Such a weird kid, but it felt nice to receive something like this from a boy as cliche as it sounded. It didn’t click until you saw the white flower that you noticed it was your favorite. And what about the sunflower, what was so special about it?

You unfolded the note and read its contents:

Sorry if I came across as pushy or creepy. I just didn’t know what else to say. You won’t be seeing me anymore and I can’t begin to explain why unless you remember everything. This very well might have been my last chance and this may never make sense to you but I hope it does and we can see each other again one day in the future. Would it be weird to say how much I love you? I never got the chance to truly tell you before and if we never see each other again, I want to at least feel that I was able to achieve something. I’ll end this by saying, I know you’re gonna be excited for that trip but if you can trust me, I want you to convince everyone to not get on that bus. It’s selfish to ask if you can do it for me, but if you remember then that’s my only request from you.

At the bottom, he wrote an address and left a clipping of a newspaper article. The address didn’t exist when you looked it up and the paper looked so old that you could barely make out the words on it. Whatever was happening, it was scaring you and you didn’t like it.

The next day, just like he said, he didn’t show up to class. Not the day after, or even the week after and everyone in class acted as if they’d never met him. Simply a figment of their imaginations if even that. But you didn’t forget and the flowers and letter sat in your drawer.

“You’re starting to worry me babe.” Clem slid another orange slice over to you. “You look so out of it. Maybe it’s time to see that doctor you were talking about.”

“I feel okay, I promise.” That was a lie.

“Well even if you feel fine, you don’t look fine and it would make me feel better if you had a doctor tell you everything was fine.” You nodded your head just so she would stop asking. “We should head home, we have that big exam tomorrow.”

“Yeah I was just about to say. You walking home Clem?”

“Nope, my mom should be pulling up any minute now. Sure you don’t want a ride home?”

“Yeah I’m sure, just wanna walk since the weather’s so nice.”

You waited with her until her mother came to get her. She waved at you from the window in the back with a big smile. You took your time walking home, hoping the fresh air would clear your head. You read that letter every night before you went to sleep and it never made any sense. Maybe you were crazy and you really did need to go see a doctor. Even so, it wouldn’t explain a lot of things. You approached the crosswalk and kept going, barely checking to see what was coming.

A mistake indeed. You heard the blaring horn of the truck unable to slow down before it got to you. Instinct kicked in and you leapt forward, landing on your knees. You were alive, but the pounding in your head made you feel like impact was made. The near death accident triggered something in your memory. Like a toy you forgot you loved playing with when you were younger. He was right, you did remember.

You remembered that this has happened before; many times before actually and he was always there to help. You remembered the many times you shared his bike with him. The day he held your hand when you said you felt too scared to walk past the spider web that hung down from the tree. The days where it felt like he knew you and Clem since day one. And most importantly, you recalled being on that bus he told you to avoid and how scared you felt to know you’d never be able to see him again.

You were sitting on the ground now, screaming and crying so much so that you didn’t notice the driver of the truck trying to shake you out of your panic attack. “Miss! Miss! Are you okay? Your leg is bleeding, I’m going to call an ambulance okay?!”

“Call Kyungsoo! Tell him I remember!”

Those were the last words you remember saying before you lost consciousness.

Days passed but you didn’t forget what you remembered. Clem stayed by your side more so than she already did, if that was even possible. You told her about everything and at first she didn’t believe you but then you showed her the article and she didn’t stop crying for hours. You couldn't blame her. Imagine finding out that you, your best friend and everyone else in your class died and the only reason you were able to find that out is because the boy you love and loves you back suffered through it enough to tell you. It still didn't make any sense how that was possible, but you knew you had to do everything in your power for his work to not be in vain.

"We have to convince them to not go Clem, I just don't know how."

She sat with you on the floor, backs against the foot of your bed. "I don't know...nothing feels real anymore honestly. You'd really only have to convince Mrs. Akiyama, she's technically in charge of our class."

"Well yeah, but what am I supposed to say? If we get on the bus next week we're all gonna die? Trust me because Kyungsoo told me?"

Clem sat up and shook her head, "Just explain it to her the way you did to me. Show her the article and everything."

"Yeah you're right, it'll be best to show her some evidence, thanks Clem."

She nodded, "Of course, text me later okay? My mom's outside."

You hugged her goodbye and went back upstairs to plop down on your bed. You didn't have the energy for anything else these days, stressing over how you would make everyone believe you, or at least your teacher. You rolled over on your side toward your nightstand and opened the drawer. The letter carried so much more sentiment now; it was the only thing you had from him besides the flowers, but those were already brown.

"I promise I won't let you down." You kissed the letter and put it back in its place. Tomorrow was the big day and you only had one shot at this.

"I can say I'm quite shocked such an elaborate prank is coming from you." Mrs. Akiyama looked disappointed in you, a face you'd never seen her make in the years you've had her as a teacher.

"What? Mrs. Akiyama I would never joke about such a thing! I'm being very serious right now, you have to trust me!"

"Is this what kids are doing these days? Making fake news articles?"

You couldn't help but look at her in disbelief. "I-I...please I'm telling the truth."

"One more word of this and I'm going to have to send you to the principal's office. I never expected this behavior from you."

You sat, feeling dejected, in the usual spot where you, Clem and apparently Kyungsoo would have lunch after school. If she wasn't going to believe you with physical evidence, you would have to figure out a different way to stop this trip from happening. Clem walked up to you and put a reassuring hand against your back.

"I brought your fave; banana milk." She handed it to you as you laid your head on her shoulder and let the tears that built up since your conversation with Mrs. Akiyama finally fall. "I heard what happened earlier. I feel bad now for giving you such stupid advice."

"It's okay, it's not your fault. I mean you didn't even believe me at first...but I don't know what to do. I'm going to let him down Clem."

"Don't say that! I'm sure if I could remember what he was like, I'd be able to say much more confidently that he'd be happy with you regardless."

You laughed a bit, she was right. If he was here right now, he'd be thinking of ways to get you to stop crying. If he was here...if only.

"I'm going to pop the tires."

Clem shook you off her shoulder, "What? No offense, but that's kind of crazy. You'd have to sneak on school grounds and then pop the tires."

"Exactly."

"No, not exactly. Not trying to be so negative, but if you get caught, you're going to get in trouble."

"Yeah? Well Clem, if I fail it doesn't matter if I get in trouble because we're all going to FUCKING DIE!" It was like the whole world became silent. She stared at you. Unfortunately it was the reality of the situation and this was your first and only attempt at helping. But of course you didn't mean to yell at her. "Clem I'm-"

"No don't apologize, you're right. I've been trying to keep it off my mind so much that I forgot how quickly our time was running out. Whatever you need, I'll be there for you."

You didn't feel so alone anymore yet the truth still stands; if everything fell through, you could kiss your existence goodbye.

It was early in the morning, about 2 hours before the bus was scheduled to leave and an hour before everyone was supposed to be here to do a final roll call. You had looked through everything in your garage the night before, looking for anything sharp enough to poke holes in a tire as big as one for a bus but something safe around to carry. You settled on some long nails your dad kept from the renovations he made on the kitchen a few years ago. A few of those should do the trick right?

Clem followed closely behind you as you both carefully climbed over the lowest walls on the school's courtyard. Thankfully it was still pretty dark outside or anyone driving past could have seen you two and called the police to report a trespassing. You ran to the back of the school where you knew the bus would be and quickly took the nails out of your bag.

"Just keep an eye out for me okay Clem?"

She nodded and you got to work. It was a lot harder than you expected it to be. Of course tires were thick, but you didn't expect them to be that thick. But you kept trying and slowly you were able to get the nail halfway in. Once fully wedged inside the tire, you started hammering in the second one. You didn't want to go overboard with them because then it would obviously look planned, but one might not be enough to make the tire go flat.

“You done? It’s almost time for my mom to get up and she can’t know I’m not in my bed.”

“Yeah I’m finished, let’s go.”

Thankfully so far everything has gone according to plan and you hoped it stayed that way.

When the time came, your heart beat against your ribs. You wondered if Clem felt just as nervous. You didn’t stay long enough to make sure the tire deflated but you heard a small fizz of the air escaping so that was a good sign.

“Okay great, everyone is here! The driver is just doing one last check before we get on.” Mrs. Akiyama spoke as she stood in front of the group of you.

“Bad news ma’am, looks like one of the back wheels is flat.” You stood next to Clem and you squeezed her hand. “That means I’ll have to call the mechanic if you want to leave somewhat on time.”

“Oh no, yes do what you need to!”

Clem looked at you, a frantic look in her eyes. Alarms in your brain were going off and your heart beat even faster. You had to do something before you were back to the drawing board and as a matter of fact, said board wouldn’t exist once you got on that bus.

“NO! Everyone please listen to me!” All eyes quickly turned their attention towards you. “We can’t get on that bus! I know we were all excited for this trip but I promise you we’re better off waiting until next year.”

Everyone looked at you confused and you knew you were never going to convince them like this. Mrs. Akiyama started walking over to you but now was not the time to care.

“If we get on that bus…we’re all going to die.” Gasps were heard in every direction along with chatter among the crowd. “I can’t tell you how I know but you have to trust me on this.”

The teacher finally stopped in front of you and grabbed you by the arm. “I’m calling your parents to come pick you up, you will not mess up everyone’s day with this nonsense!”

You broke free from her grip and ran more into the middle. “PLEASE! I’M MOT LYING, EVEN IF WE HAVE TO LEAVE LATER JUST LISTEN TO ME!”

Two pairs of hands grabbed your arms and pulled you backwards and slowly away from where you stood. Everyone looked concerned seeing the normally level headed girl be so scattered. This must be how Kyungsoo felt writing that letter to you. So defeated, looking for any glint of hope.

“If she stays I’m staying too!” Clem came forward and ran to your side. “I’m not saying that because she’s my best friend, I’m saying it because if someone told me I was going to die and all I had to do to prevent it was not get on this bus, I’d listen. What harm can come from us just waiting and seeing what happens? Wouldn’t that be better than regretting not believing her later on?”

The small talk started up again within the crowd, she was swaying their thoughts; putting doubt in their minds. She was convincing them.

“I can’t believe you chose today of all days…but we’ll see what happens. If you’re doing this for God knows what reason and it was all a lie, we’re going to have a serious talk with your parents and the principal.”

You squeezed Clem tight and thanked her for having your back like she said she would. Kyungsoo would be proud of the both of you if he was here. Maybe you would get the chance to tell him if what he said is true. Just like Clem said, where was the harm in being safe than sorry?

Sparks flew from the time machine, the last few beeps of operation decreasing in octave as it slowly shut down for good. He was heartbroken, crying hysterically with his head in his hands. This was literally his worst nightmare. He doesn’t think he could build up the motivation to make another one. And what was the point? No matter how hard he tried, you never listened. Maybe everyone was right, he’s the reason he’s been sad all these years because of his greed to change the past. He told you he would make peace with himself if he never saw you again, but would he really be able to keep his promise?

A week had passed since he kissed his hard work goodbye and tried to only focus on his life as it was now. He vowed to make changes in his life soon, but he allowed himself another week to grieve. He couldn't help but beat himself up over everything. If he had known that would be his last try, he would have hugged you one last time. Now he wished his future self would let this day replay over and over until he made the right choices to get what he wanted.

“Kyungsoo, it’s mom. Just checking in on you. I know your birthday is coming up. We were hoping to come by and see you if that’s okay. I can make your favorite food, so don’t worry about cooking that day okay? Miss you baby, love you, talk to you later. Oh and call me back with an answer okay? Love you, bye.”

He hadn’t seen his parents in quite some time and it would be nice to be around family again. They were very understanding and never judged him for his choice of career. Or maybe they pitied him because they knew a man who couldn’t get over a dead girl would be no good to work anywhere else. But that was the bad thoughts talking again and he surely didn’t need any more of those.

The chime above the door caught his attention but he didn’t bother looking up.

“Welcome in, have a look around and feel free to ask any questions.” Monotonous and bland.

“Can I do a bouquet of sunflowers please? They’re my absolute favorite.”

“No problem, would you like small or-“ he looked up. Perhaps he should have looked up sooner.

Was his heart beating too fast or did it stop beating completely? He was at a loss for words. Standing before him, even more beautiful than he remembered. Had the depression truly set in? Maybe he was having a really vivid and lucid dream. There was no way he wasn’t dreaming right now or at least hallucinating.

“Kyungsoo, I remembered like you said.”

His legs felt like jelly, his vision was blurry and his ears were ringing. He pushed through and came from around the counter and stopped right in front of you. He shakily raised an arm to wrap around you and hug you. When he made contact with a physical being, a real person, you; he couldn’t help but squeeze you tight, fingertips digging in your back as he held on; afraid to let go.

“Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” Tears streamed down his cheeks and fell onto your shoulders.

“I’m here Kyungsoo, you’re not dreaming. I’m here.”

He was just like you remembered, he still had the ability to give you butterflies and feel like a safe place. It all seemed so unreal, hugging your high school crush in the middle of a place you dreamed of working in. Soon you would finally tell him the real answer you wanted to give and that you never wanted to leave his side.

He looked at you, breathing heavily with your face in his hands. “All that stuff I said in that letter I meant from the bottom of my heart.”

You grabbed his hand and smiled, “I know and because of you, I finally get to say I love you too.”

[jeeyuns]

Can we have some links for these mcd fics ? 👀

sure! let me rip my heart open again. hell yeah brothah here we go. lemme stick with 911 and keep it down to top 4. i DEFINITELY forgot some! but these are the ones where the atmosphere and specific lines stick out to me and stick out OF me if you know what i mean.

24 by @kitkatpancakestack

Buck left his muddy sneakers at Eddie’s house. Eddie is sitting on the back of an ambulance watching a gurney roll away, watching vaguely familiar faces trying to keep it together for him, watching his hands shake.  A voice somewhere says, “He’s in shock.” Another bites back, “Wouldn’t you be?” And none of it matters, because Buck left his muddy sneakers at Eddie’s house. * The first twenty-four hours are the hardest.

when i tell you i imprinted on the feeling i got from reading this MASTERPIECE. i haven't looked BACK baby. k knows what she's DOING. this is like one of the first 3 fics i EVER read for the 911 fandom. before this, i was a casual viewer of the show. i was the general audience going haha sexy firefighters i should keep watching a la february 2021 can you believe?????????

and the way she poured into me this feeling of grief, hour by hour on the countdown. made me GET it you know? my brain just rescrambled again i need to go attempt to reread it and oscillate in my office chair. yeah i WILL cry at work. one good cry a day keeps the horrors at bay or something like that. i'm also pissed because i left a comment from my old ao3 account i can't get back in to. kitkat i love you. mwah!

-

3 more below the cut! 🫶

All The Work That Needs To Be Done by @try-set-me-on-fire

Buck nods, two slow movements like any action at all pains him. Eddie isn’t sure how literal or metaphorical that statement is, and wants to tell him again to let a doctor look at him, but they’ve had that argument several times already tonight and Buck had a look in his eyes like- like Eddie doesn’t even know what, but whatever would have happened if he’d kept pushing would not have been good, so he’d let it drop and stuck close to his side. "She shouldn't be alone." — Bobby dies. Eddie worries. Life goes on.

the insane (g00d) whiplash i got when i went from oouuing and ahhhing over brick's gorgeous art to the jaw-drop of OMG SHE WRITES TOO. and then i clicked on this bad boy. and was promptly sniped in the heart. the GUTPUNCH and depth of feeling along with the steady beat of quiet heartbreak. oh what i would do to turn back time to the second after i clicked

-

i would've loved you (instead i lost you) by @honestlydarkprincess

Eddie cleared his throat, swallowing the tears that threatened to break free and forced himself out of the truck. He stumbled and caught himself against the vehicle, his breathing shaky. Ever since Buck’s death Eddie had struggled to feel like he was standing on solid ground. Without Buck he felt like he was just stumbling around, unable to steady himself. Taking a deep breath, Eddie forced himself to walk. One foot in front of the other, taking the path that he knew by heart, a path he wished he had never had to walk. Finally he found what he was looking for. Eddie had meant to stay standing but the second his eyes settled on Buck’s named carved into the stone he fell to his knees, the weight of his grief, of his pain making him fall. EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY Or, the one where Eddie stands at Buck's grave, mourning what could've— should've— been.

jess craved violence one fine day and decided to stab me lovingly right under my 3rd rib with this and i've been OBSESSED with them ever since! just the type of cathartic release i need

-

The best parts of you are here (but you're still gone) by justhockey

Eddie had taken Buck’s hand and squeezed it three times before he ran into that burning building. It had felt like a promise. Like a flash of all the dreams that were about to come true. Eddie never came back out. And now Buck is stuck here in this house. His grief, and Christopher’s grief, and Eddie’s absence are the biggest things in every single room. Their pain fills every crack and every crevice, their anger - at Eddie, at the job, at the world - is so thick that they can taste it.

justhockey usually writes the softest stuff and makes me sigh happily and wiggle my toes. the way they whipped this one up outta nowhere? took me the FUCKKKK out

[nomoreusername]

Who To Trust (Part 1)

Pairing: Minho x female reader

Summary:When a random group of people come tumbling through Aris's and your room you and one person immediately start to clash.

Aris and I had been here for hours. Because the other room with girls has been full I had to sleep in what was supposed to be for only guys. While I couldn't help but feel annoyed it was kind of good. Besides, after everything that we went though I doubt being alone was a good idea. Because even if a lot of us did want to kill him (and maybe even attempt) trust had been earned, and it all worked out. Well, for some of us. One of those people was me so I guess there could be things worse than having Aris as a roommate.

Still, being stuck in a new place while staring at a ceiling was no fun. Even though we knew the other was awake we didn't speak a word. Not that I expected him to. He wasn't the most chatty person, and when he was you had to initiate the conversation and prove you didn't want his head on a stick. While I had done one of those, talking right now seemed pointless.

"Do you think that there's blood on our hands?"He suddenly whispered.

"I don't know, man. Probably,"I shrugged.

"Oh gee. Thanks,"He deadpanned.

"Did you want me to lie?"I sighed.

"Yeah. Maybe a little bit,"He admitted.

"And say what?"I huffed.

"I don't know, man. Maybe 'No, Aris. Everything that happened is normal, and none of these deaths are our fault' sounds like a good thing,"He suggested.

"That's stupid. I mean you definitely have the most. Why deny it?"I scoffed.

"Maybe so I don't feel like the worst person to exist?"

"You're not, but that doesn't mean you're not guilty. Don't get me wrong. I think that you're chill, but that doesn't erase your past. Nothing can. All anyone can do is look forward and hope nobody else dies."

"Your realism sucks,"He complained.

"Your need for people to lie to your face is unhealthy,"I shrugged.

"Whatever, man. I'm going to the bathroom,"He grumbled, tossing the sheets off and walking the few feet away. Bored out of my mind and realizing attempting to sleep was pointless, I sat on the floor when he shut the door and started doing curl ups. That way I could forget everything for a little bit. That was my unhealthy way of coping. Pretending everything that goes on in my life is normal and not traumatic. I just say something like "damn bro, that sucked" and get on with life.

Banishing your friend to certain death and then some?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Watching people you care about die and knowing you were too slow to save them?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Running through a Maze and feeling like a failure when you returned with nothing new?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Sort of wishing it would all be over and you didn't have to wake up?

"Damn bro, that really sucks."

Fueled by this, I kept doing my work out. As I was finally pushing everything away there was loud, irritating banging on the door. Ignoring it, I chose to lie flat on my back and do absolutely nothing. What are they gonna do? Break the door down.

"Teresa! Teresa! are you there?!"some dude shouted. Still unmoving on the ground, I closed my eyes as I put my face flat on the cold, hardwood floor. It was kind of nice. If these dumbasses would stop hitting the door I would be at peace.

That was just too much to ask for though as it literally came off of its hinges. Rolling my eyes, I looked up to see some Asian boy with nice, black hair, a compression shirt to flex his muscles, and flawless skin that I was sort of jealous of, just standing there.

Coming out right at time to see whatever this was, the sink turned on and off before Aris walked off.

"We got company,"I sighed, looking at him. He looked back and just shrugged.

"So who are you?"I asked the strangers.

"Us? Who are you two?"the boy I had noticed first asked.

"Why should we tell you? For all we know you could be working for WICKED,"I pointed out, sitting on my bed.

"Maybe you're working for WICKED,"He shot back. I just rolled my eyes for what was way too many times and leaned against the ladder.

"We are just two people. You are a group of people. Some of you have too much sass as well,"I added, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Don't judge me. You don't even know me,"the boy snapped.

"Wow. Hypocritical much?"I scoffed.

"I don't like you or trust you,"The boy scowled.

"Ouch. My poor emotions. It's a good thing that the feeling is more than mutual."

"This isn't going to end well,"Aris mumbled.

"What gave it away? The way they're immediately accusing us of being evil?"I asked.

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Thanks for acknowledging our presence,"a boy with a bit of an accent mumbled. I stared at him to see that he was tall with shoulder length, blonde hair, brown eyes, and and expression that showed he was done with this. Did he think that we weren't?

"So Aris, you're a guy,"I started.

"Thanks. I didn't notice,"He deadpanned.

"Tell me, are all guys an inconvenience to girls lives or do I just have bad luck?"

"I don't know. I don't remember jack about basically anything."

"Do you know anything?"

"Bold thing to say for someone who's constantly asking questions."

"Like I did five minutes ago? Guess I have a terrible memory because I swear that was you."

"Can you two chill on your weird conversation and tell us who you are?"a boy with an acne ridden face asked.

"What are you gonna do if we don't? Slam us against a wall?"

"Maybe I will,"the Asian boy scoffed.

"Kinky."

"For the love of-that was a threat Y/N,"Aris groaned.

"I was kind of hoping it was a promise. Some messed up love confession that could end with me elbowing him."

"You two, you both suck,"He scowled, storming off.

"Nice to meet you too, love. If only your personality matched your nice face,"I yelled. Because I love being a menace to people who deserve it, and he definitely does from accusing Aris and I of being bad.

[navibluebees]

What if Y/N were quaritch sister and Y/N is shy like y/n is so shy she would walk behind quaritch to hide her face she's mostly quiet letter other people speak but y/n and Lyle are dating y/n would blush and laugh at Lyle stupid jokes but quaritch doesn't know that y/n and Lyle are dating until one day quaritch walked in seeing Lyle and y/n kissing and boy quaritch would grab Lyle by the ear dragging him into a different room telling y/n that its time for a man to man talk y/n would think she got him in trouble (had this stuck in my head for a long time I can imagine that quaritch is like a over protective brother like a over protective father would act in front of there kids/siblings so y/n is like the quiet type and she wants to be like quaritch but nice kind and sweet but quaritch knows she can get hurt easy so he would protect her no matter what even if he has to look at a man/women in the eye not saying a word just given them a death stare just smirking hell knowing quaritch he would make sure that y/n doesn't go on mission with him but he can't help by giving in to his sister asking none stop when y/n is on a mission with quaritch and his teammates he would make sure to keep a close eye on y/n and stay close to her) (that's all I got in my head keep up the great work make sure you eat sleep and rest!) Stay healthy!

Please read before interacting.

AHHHHH I squealed reading this ask!! Such a fun idea~ Also thank you for the well wishes. I'm trying my best. 🥺

You were hovering near Miles' shoulder. You called him Colonel most times around other people, but he was still the ass of an older brother who'd wrestled you for the remote when you were kids. Eventually that energy transferred into intense protection that had only increased when you first brought a date home. He'd side-eyed them so hard, muscles bulging from his military training, that your date had fled and never looked back.

Your lips pursed, trying to keep a laugh in. A huff came from across the table and your eyes snapped to meet Lyle's. He cocked his head slightly, questioning your amused energy. You shook your head and dropped your gaze down his solid form. He preened under your gaze, tongue flicking out to sweep across his lower lip.

Your eyes widened and you fought the blush creeping up your cheeks, looking back to the map that Miles was discussing. The rest of the brief passed without any disturbances aside from Lyle circling the table to stand behind you, tail brushing the back of your thighs. You shivered imperceptibly and tried your best to focus.

You were half turned to go back to your bed for the night when he came up behind you. "Hey, I had a question about the supplies. Can you come with me so you can make sure I've got everything checked off for my pack."

You sighed, noting your brother's attentiveness to your exchange. "Fine, fine, Lyle. I'll help you. This time."

~~~

Your back hit the shelves as soon as the door to the supply closet hissed shut behind you. Lyle's lips were already trailing down your neck, hands pawing at you through your clothes. You giggled, pushing him away a bit.

"Alright, alright, slow down!"

He grinned devilishly at you. "I can't help it. You're so fucking delicious and we never get time alone with your brother always around every corner." His lips continued their attack on your neck, moving up to your mouth and kissing you with a bruising force.

You sighed into his mouth, pulling him closer, hands gripping his shoulders for dear life. He yanked your leg up around his hip, leaning into you and pressing you harder against the shelf. Your head fell back and he gently kissed along your neck to your collarbone, tugging down the strap of your tank top.

He tilted his head and moved to under your ear, knowing it was the most sensitive spot for you. Goosebumps came over your whole body, and your legs trembled. He clutched you tighter, not about to let you anywhere away from him.

"Mmm. Lyle.." you sighed. "Lyle.."

Your brain turned foggy, unable to comprehend anything around you with his lips and tongue continuing their movements around your ear. Your eyes fell on the door as it hissed open, ready to tell off whatever human had come upon the two of you. Your heart buzzed, about to leap from your chest as you made eye contact with your brother.

His body bristled under your gaze as he took in the scene. Lyle's head raised up, eyes cutting over to the door. His ears and tail instantly drooped. "Oh. Heh. Colonel. Fancy.. uh. Fancy meeting you here. Your sister was just showing me the goods- I- NO! That's not what I meant-"

His voice cut off as his head jerked down, Miles' strong fingers gripping Lyle's ear as he tugged him out the door. You took off, straightening your shirt strap and chasing them down the hall, your brother's long legs already powering into his office. He started shutting the door as you shouldered into it, leaning your whole weight into the gap.

He turned and let go of Lyle in the process, pushing you back into the hall with his palm on your forehead. "Calm down. We're just gonna have a chat, little sister." The door hissed shut and you heard the beep of a code punched in to lock it.

~~~

Miles turned around, Lyle looking sheepishly back at him. He crossed his arms, eyeing the younger man. He sighed and rubbed his brow with a groan. His hands landed on his hips. "Alright, Lyle. I know you're a good guy. A good man. A good soldier. I wouldn't have promoted you if I didn't think so. But that-" -he jerked his thumb toward the hallway- "That's my sister out there and if you fuck with her, I swear to God-"

Lyle sprang up, hands out in supplication. "Colonel. No. I swear. I promise to you. Your sister is everything to me. We were seeing each other casually-" He shrank back at Miles' narrowed eyes. "I mean.. it well it was a bit more serious for me than her, I think. It was the first time around. Then, well you know what happened. When we came back we saw each other in our new bodies and just.. That was that. I really care about her. I'm not messing around, I promise... Sir."

Miles leaned back against his desk. "I'll be keeping an eye out for you. And don't let me catch you in the supply closet again. I don't need to see you all over my baby sister like that. Ever." He shuddered and waved Lyle out of the office.

Lyle stepped out after punching the unlock code in and reeled back as your fist swung at him. He caught it in his palm. "Ah. Scrappy, I see."

You looked past him, eyes honed in on Miles. "Sorry. Thought you were him."

He shook your fist gently in his palm and put it down by your side, slinging an arm across your shoulder. He guided you down the hall. "I think he gave his blessing of a sort, so let's not push it, Y/N."

~~~

Your face got redder and redder as you got closer to your bed in the recom quarters. Lyle was following close behind you, expression daring the others to say something. He flopped down familiarly in your spot and pulled you down with him. Your eyes settled close as his arms tightened around your waist, holding you close.

~~~

"Miles! Let me gooooo. I'm literally the supply person. What if you run out of something??"

"Well, they should have packed everything so we shouldn't have that problem."

"Okay okay BUT I could bring extra! And come for moral support!!" Your grin widened, batting your eyes at him in a pleading expression.

He snorted and pushed your face away gently. "Fine, get your gear. We're leaving now."

~~~

You were walking through the forest, a spring in your step, so eager to be out and in the world. You kept alert, but playfully bumped Lyle with your hip. A low growl rolled up his throat and he turned to you, a smirk playing across his lips. "Lyle! Get up here!"

His smile dropped and he grunted. "You're going to get me in trouble." His tail whipped out to touch your thigh as he made his way up to your brother.

The group shifted and Walker took up the place beside you. Her face turned into a shit-eating grin. "Looks like big brother can't handle the attention you're getting, huh?"

Miles' ears were folded back, straining to hear your conversation. When Lyle's steps fell in with his, he cut his eyes over at the younger soldier, baring his teeth weakly. "You're going to be the death of me, Wainfleet."

Lyle barked out a laugh and slapped a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's alright, Colonel. I've got your back. I'll take care of your sister."

"Yeah, yeah that's what I'm afraid of you, knucklehead."

***

Taglist:

@drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

[thefandomtrashpit]

What's sad about MD ending is not that it's ending

Putting a read more because like a lot of my other text post, this one got long

Welp, by now I'm sure the majority of the fans have heard about the trailer for the 8th episode of Murder drones, and how that trailer is called the 'Series Final.' Of course, this is upsetting in itself. This story about these weird little robots, the world that the live in, and how this 'big bad eldritch abomination of a code error' feels like it is ending way too soon what the show has built up in its run time. There feels like there's still to many questions that are going to be left unaswered, and too many mysteries that are going to be left unsolved...but at the end of the day, it's also better to leave a series in a high note then to continue banging it out and watch it become a mess of what it originally was.

Yes, I am sad that after waiting for so long, I hear that something I was looking forward to is going to be ending with an episode that's coming up in a few weeks at this point in time. Much like a lot of other fans, I was holding onto the hope and the copium that Murder Drones would be getting a second season after Glitch finally released the awaited 8th episode. And I was very much disheartened with seeing the episode trailer being called it's series final and just the season final. But I can except than the book for this crazy little story has to come to a close. I now just hold out hope that the time the people working on the show has put into this episode will leave all us fans satisfied with where this crazy and wonderful story we all stuck around for ends.

But now it time to get into what I put in as the title. As sad before, the series coming to an end is going to be sad, but I personally don't think that's going to be the saddest part. No, I think the saddest part is going to be slow death of the memory of the show. Why I think this...Well, it's what happened to Meta Runner. This was the first show of the Glitch Productions channel, and we barely see anything about it getting talked about. Glitch didn't even so much as tweet anything about Meta Runner on the anniversary of the show, all the past merch was put under the 'Glitch Classics' section of the store, and said merch is forever sold out as no more of them are being made. Sure we got a little Tari figure in the new 'Glitch Inn' that the company is doing, but that really is only because Glitch acknowledges the fact that some fans still remember Meta Runner. Tari on the SMG4 channel has just become than just a 'quirky' background character to the other characters on that channel, her purpose of advertising her show long gone by. What was once the driving project for this indie show company has been reduced to getting nothing more than fun little call backs.

Eventually, the same is going to happened to Murder drones. The merch is going to stop being made, when the last of it gets sold that's it for it all, and it is even possibly going to be moved under the Classic section of the store to make room for whatever other projects Glitch does to be one the front page. Kevin and Luke aren't going to be talking much about the show, as there's not going to be a reason to with it being over. And eventually the projects they do after the show is going to push the shows playlist on the channel down. There is going to come a time when we look back on what happened and think 'Wow, this show only exists in references now.'

So yeah, those have been my thought about what sad about the show coming to an end.

[rogerzsteven]

Off My Chest

I don't know if you know (at this point I'd be surprised if you don't), but I've been living hell for the past 4 days.

Two big earthquakes hit ten cities of Turkey on 6th of Feb, 4.17 am (one city being the city I live in and one being my hometown + where my relatives and family friends live), and the aftermath is devastating to say the least.

I am hurt, I am tired, I am mentally exhausted, I am upset, I am scared and sad and always on edge in case something happens.

Some of my relatives lost their homes, some of my aquaintances, family members, friends lost their lives, and there are thousands, thousands of people still stuck under the rubble, either dead or waiting for someone to find them under the rubble.

If, they are able to be found.

My hometown is dust. The places I've spent my childhood no longer exist. Everything is wrecked.

The supplies aren't enough, the weather is freezing and help is too slow.

Death toll is more than 16,000 and rising, and at this point I can't help but to think I was just at the right place at the right time and it was luck.

When I first started reblogging those donation posts about Turkey, I had high expectations of the possible traction in general, but mainly of the fandom I'm currently in. I thought this fandom was in unity when I used to see blogs, many blogs reblogging the posts of the ones in rough condition asking for help, whether it's individual or for a good cause. Because that's what fandom means, right? A community to support and lift each other up on good and bad days. To show that we are there for each other even if it's through the screen.

I was wrong.

I was not expecting the immense lack of support from the fandom that is supposed to be big, helpful and full of 'activists'.

Not only have I barely seen donation/support posts appearing on my dash from people I follow or my mutuals, but the ones I've seen are reblogged from me by the same handful of people over and over again.

Don't get me wrong, no one is obligated to reblog or show support, life goes on and people move on, but isn't it hypocritical when the same blogs who are very much outspoken and active and even accuse others of staying disinterested when it comes to fandom discourse or situations that have direct impact on them in one way are now completely silent and act like nothing is happening when it comes to something like this?

My people are DYING. And you care about— what, polls? Fandom speculations?

Good for you.

Is it too much to reblog a few times so others can see it? Would your blog's aesthetic get ruined?

Or do you just not give a shit and only show your performative side when it gets you likes and followers?

I see all of you, and I will not forget this.

I don't think I will post donation posts as frequently as I did before from now on because I want to feel some sense of normalcy on tumblr but before I go, since there is a handful of mutuals/ online friends who kept reblogging my posts, I would like to thank them individually from the bottom of my heart.

@monsterrae1 @swiftiediaz @buddierights @prettyboybuckley : You guys. The support you guys have shown from day one. Every day. I love you. You pure souls.

@kananjarus : You. YOU. I have no words. I want to cry just thinking about what you've done. No words are enough.

@copyninjakura : You are a good hearted person. I love you. Thank you for your constant check ins and reblogs.

@rxdscarf : Not once you've let me down. 5+ years of friendship and I am so grateful. I am lucky.

@skyhighrollins911 : You've always been there to see how I am and how things are. Thank you, I love you so much.

@stagefoureds : Sabahın köründe beni telefonla aradın ya, sen muhteşem bir detaysın.

@bievanbuckley : The Greek to my Turk, ben seni sevdiğimi dünyalara bildirdim.

@ricoka : You're not in the fandom, but thank you my girl.

@spotsandsocks & @the-likesofus : Thank you for being concerned about me.

@buddiefication : We've been following each other for what— days? You don't even know me, and yet you kept reblogging each post from day one. I am so thankful. Thank you, friend.

@alyxmastershipper : Again, from day one, you kept reblogging each support post. THANK YOU.

@jobairdxx @swiftiebuckleys @mandzuking17 @thebestbooksaround @allysghostinthemachine @scifiromance7 @daughterofbuddie @maybeicanbesaved @colonoscopys @verylazyanimal : Thank you for reblogging many times.

[ikarosx]

Notes: Ikaros through the years. Little timestamps of visions, from his first to his most recent, and how he understands them. Mentions: @abelasx, @iskendcr, @faelortianyou, Titania, Yavanna, Oberon.

Timestamp: I was ten.

The sky was a mix of yellow and red. The light of the Laurelin was always bright, always mixing with what I could see.

“You were named after my grandmother,” Yavanna whispered in my ear, like it was some grand secret between the two of us. “Ikaria, she was called. Dark hair like yours, seemingly knowing everything and anything,” there was a lilt of amusement to her voice now, but still calming as the two of us sat within Mythal’s Glade.

I felt like there was a new piece to the puzzle of my history, to the idea that I could be named after a great queen of the past, someone I never would’ve met. “Was she a good queen?” I'm not sure why I wanted to know, it wasn't like I thought she possibly couldn't be, but my grandmother was always honest. I liked that.

Yavanna smiled down at me, “Yes, I like to think she was. She passed the crown to my father, her eldest.” The smile faded for a moment, and I wondered if I had said something wrong. I didn’t get to ask my other question, my father suddenly appearing and taking my short attention span away from my grandmother.

Oberon was tall, charming - the elvhen loved him. For what reason, I wouldn’t ask that question for decades. To me, he was larger than life. A brilliant warrior, one who held devotion to Titania, but there were flashes of imperfection, something I admired in secret. Things were done a certain way in Avalon, customs of the Elvhen, but I appreciated when things were messy. If only because it made me laugh.

It was that moment that Aravel appeared, and I was already moving to leave my grandmother’s lap. It was embarrassing, couldn't she see my friends were around? There was a group of children waiting, those who lived within Mythal’s Glade, “Can I go? Please? Aravel will start the game without me. He knows I hate it. He will-“ Yavanna’s hand stopped my complaints, but it didn’t stop my scowl.

“You may. But don’t be long,” it was her usual goodbye, though as she rose and she approached Oberon, the two falling in quiet conversation, she was the only one to glance back at me as I ran off with a wave.

“Ara!” I had to run to catch up, my best friend still slightly out of range. Everything looked wrong, however. One of the kids was towering, another looked unimpressed at Aravel. Only I was allowed to look at him like that. Aravel was weird, sure, but he was my only friend, taken into the palace two years ago when his father had died. It was a great sadness, to lose someone like that. I wasn't sure how to process it at first, but I'd tried my best to cheer up my friend.

Though time seemed to slow as I got closer. Like my legs were stuck in mud, and I couldn't move my arms. Panic would've overcome me if I could've felt my own emotions. I prayed for death to save me from the embarrassment of falling over, but the gods must've been busy because Aravel was talking to me. I couldn't hear him because everything felt red. Hot, red, red, red. "I was talking about you." Rage, an undercurrent of grey, of fear. A fist coming towards my face, and I was landing face first in the mud from the hit. Laughter. It was red, red, red. It was like an out of body experience, consuming me from the inside. I was watching, standing by, and then all of the sudden, it faded.

“What’s wrong with him?” Someone spoke, and I was pulled from my vision, Aravel holding on to my wrist like it would keep me from falling over. And it did, I was a scrawny thing anyway, that's what my father had said. Lanky, like one of those elk Aravel had mentioned once. Too big for my legs. Once I gathered myself, Aravel spoke.

“There are Owlbears we can talk to, Ikaros. It’s fine,” Aravel was the weird kid, and I loved him for it. I was about to answer him, but the words were dying on my tongue as the older kid that I'd just seen in my head stepped forward.

“Freak. Run home to mummy, she’ll fix it all.”

The tug from Aravel did nothing to stop me from turning back, some fierce streak of protectiveness running through me, “Don’t call him that.”

“I was talking about you.” The features on the other child’s face twisted, and in hindsight, it was all very dramatic for a few ten year olds. I knew it was coming, moving to watch as the older boy’s fist missed me and he slipped face first into the mud.

Laughter bubbled up from behind me, and I turned to see Aravel cover his mouth with his hand. His laugh was important to me, it had been so for two years now, though I stepped over the boy on the ground to follow my friend without a glance back. I was desperate to tell my mother, but for now, there were Owlbears to meet.

They'd hunted and brought us rabbits and gophers.

Aravel and I cooked the rabbits for them.

They were pleased.

We said we wouldn't touch the gophers.

They were less pleased.

It was only when it was time for me to sleep that I found my words again, my mother standing a few feet away. I didn't want to get in trouble, but what was the worse that could happen? The kid had tried to hit me, and I wasn't stupid. So I puffed out my chest, everything coming out at once as I continued my story. “I felt…red. Like it’s all I saw. And a little bit of pink. And grey, like I was mad and angry at the same time. And then he threw a punch and it hit me but then when he actually did it, it didn’t hit me. I moved. I was so good, you should’ve seen me. Aravel was there. He’d tell you the truth. He said I stared off like a cat-sith when they’re hunting. I don’t know what that means but it sounds pretty cool.”

Titania hushed me, and my chest deflated when she took my hands, only the two of us in her room. I idly wondered where my father was, but it was a distant thought as my mother met my gaze, “You’re upset with me," I couldn't tell what her expression was, and I was seconds from blaming the other kid. "Am I weird for seeing it?"

“I’m not, Ikaros. But what you’re seeing…it’s your gift.”

Timestamp: I was two hundred and fifty five.

It was blue. Of course it was. The ocean always was. It was vast and filled so deeply with melancholy that I thought I would choke on it.

That’s all I felt in my chest as a woman reached for my hand, the Moongate just a few steps away. She was Silver Elvhen, desperate to know what had happened to her child. I had told her it wasn’t like that, that I didn’t know what would come if I looked. Contact had almost come repulsive to me, and it had taken a while to understand what could possibly bring on a vision. It wasn't anything to do with objects, sometimes I could see something in the middle of the night, other times, I could attempt it with a little bit of contact. Maybe it was desperation, or something else, but she grabbed my hand to ask once again and it did exactly what I was hoping to avoid – it triggered me.

Blue, blue, blue.

Midnight blue.

The stars felt like ice along my skin, so deep was the ocean of her grief, like the expanse of dark midnight sky.

There was a body being lifted, a young man who looked no older than twenty, from the back of a horse. I saw the woman scream, her grief all encompassing as it passed through me. So blue. Always blue. Every vision was blue. Death and devastation, it was always Iskaldrik. Always taking from the Silverlands, all while the High Elvhen stayed hidden behind the Moongate offering support from behind a glass mirror. I wasn't a fool, but I also wasn't the King.

Our contact was broken, I felt a shudder run through me until I felt a strong hand on my chest. Grounding, always grounding – Tianyou. It steadied me, but I felt depressed and angry all at once. There was the beginning of a migraine, I could feel it, and I wasn't going to escape it this time. “He’s dead,” that was all I could get out, unable to really sugarcoat it like I would at another time. Her wail of grief followed me through the Moongate.

Echoing, blue, blue, blue.

Timestamp: I was almost four hundred.

It was yellow. It was orange. It was laughter, happiness, sunshine and grass and leaves.

It was love. It was what I felt, and I was sure that I hated it.

Not really, but it was close enough. I had to explain once that I wasn’t an empath, there were those that understood emotions way better than I did. They could manipulate them, understand them. For myself, the visions consumed me. I was never just a third party watching a scene play out, if anything, I wished I was. It was all encompassing. I could feel the anger in the air, red and red, or the sorrow of midnight blue. Or perhaps laughter, orange and yellow and sunshine. Other times, there was the blinding white light of peace.

This was different.

I was awake, for one, the Silver Elvhen laughing in front of me. For the longest time, I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t think it would work out if I saw something in the future, immediate or not. But I could explain it to Abelas later, if I could even find my brother later. He was always off adventuring, and Deniz was unlike any I'd met. But there was always a catch. I'd come to expect that.

I'd also come to accept that some people, no matter how good their heart was, or how much love they had to give, they would always be alone. That was how I'd felt for so long. Some twisted isolation that was my fault, my prerogative, and I'd changed it to know Deniz. My mother had told me, not too soon after Oberon had been banished, that sometimes, you were able to choose the life you wanted. "And if you're lucky, sometimes that life chooses you back," she'd finished, and I'd only understood that she'd meant me. The rest would sting, but there was life to be lived, and she would continue on.

But all things ended, even myself and Deniz. My first great love, the one where I could put my hand on his and I could feel my own emotions. Deniz was that moment before a storm. Where the sky was grey and cloudy, where the electricity in the air made you shiver. All encompassing, and I was ready to wait it out.

Yet it was a horrible thing, to see the future and know that no matter what I did, what Deniz did, that I couldn't fix it no matter how much I wanted to. He'd said it before, how there wouldn't be a forever. Nothing lasted like that, I'd remind him, but there was that midnight blue sorrow I would feel. It would mix with the yellow and green of sunshine and grass, of rain and the sound the leaves made when the wind passed through them. But it wasn't enough.

I was like the sun, and he was the moon: always chasing.

Timestamp: Present Day

We all had monsters in our dreams. Some of us had just lived with them longer.

My head was pounding. I felt like I'd belonged at the bottom of one of those filthy gutters that I'd seen in Eterna, somewhere around the tower. The Tower itself was always pristine, as was Arvandoril, so it wasn't like it didn't feel more at home than usual.

I'd come a few days prior, Tianyou not far behind me, waiting for the healers of Ceres to once again give me something. It was magic, it was the mind, they'd remind me of that often.

One of the witches had looked at me the day before, saying it would be a shame if an oracle was to be lost. It'd taken me a moment to understand how far through the mud she was dragging me.

"I'm not depressed."

They'd looked me up and down, "You aren't? Why on earth not?"

That'd been the end of that conversatoin. I'd stormed off in a gloriously dramatic fashion, Tian laughing at me as I'd made it outside the door.

"I hate it here," I'd growled out, sounding more like my cat-sith every day. I'd even been accused of purring once, but when Saleba purred, it indicated devious plotting involving nefarious deeds. I didn't trust that cat, but I loved him. So there was that.

"You wanted to visit," Tianyou pointed out the obvious, and I had to refrain from being grouchy once more.

That was yesterday, and today, I'd only managed to drag myself out of bed after taking the herbs recommended to me. Magic couldn't fix everything. There were days where I felt lighter, this was not one of those days. It'd be nice if I could be paint on a wall, blending into the background, but I was always present. I had so many questions. To be a High Elvhen was to never be alone, but to see the future? It felt isolating. And time, it never stopped, but it often felt elastic.

I could feel another vision, edging at the back of my conscious. This one was dark again, relating to no one near me. My only contact was the desk I'd balanced myself against. Fear. Black, all consuming, darkness. A roar echoed in my head, but I was there. I could see it. Creatures of the blight, another blighted hand reaching forward. Was it mine? Flashes of yellow – deceit. I gasped as I was brought out of it by a banging on the door. A wave of desperation overtook me. I had to see more. I had to go back. But it never worked. Was it the future? Was it the current? It'd be someone I'd met before, had to be, but as I stumbled to the door, looking less like a prince with every stumbling step I took, I had little time to pull it open before I was looking into the eyes of one of the Queen's Court.

"Iskaldrik has fallen."

[little-pondhead]

Fenton Family on Vacation (part 3)

Original Post

Part One⬅️➡️Part Two

(This is kind of a filler cause I’m trying to get an AO3 account set up, but Elle fighting a rat just got stuck in my head and I couldn’t get it out.)

Lights come on in a studio. Two people sit behind a glass desk, expressions neutral. 

"Good evening, and welcome to C3TV. It's 6:45 p.m. central time on August 4th, 20XX. I'm Kimberly Anderson."

"And I'm Frank Meyers. For today's Fifteen Minutes of Heroes, we'll focus on one man in particular; The Flash."

A screen turns on behind the news anchors. 'Fifteen Minutes of Heroes' is written in bold letters. The screen cuts to a close-up picture of the Flash.

"That's right, Frank. Our city's protector is not often in the spotlight, so let's get down to business."

"Right you are, Kim. To start with, Captain Cold was spotted outside the Flash Museum earlier today. It is still unknown why he was there first, but Flash was quick on the scene and chased the rogue through the downtown shopping district."

A blurry photo of Captain Cold is shown.

"What stopped Flash from arresting him immediately?"

"Well, Kim, according to CCPD reports, a recent delivery of high-alloy austenitic stainless steel was stolen at a checkpoint before it could make its way to S.T.A.R. Labs. It's now known Captain Cold was the culprit and used the metal to produce new weapons. These new weapons gave both Flash and civilians alike a scare, as the rate at which they generate ice is astounding."

An image of S.T.A.R. Labs comes up. It switches to the silhouette of a crate with a question mark, and then a silent video appears. The video is of the recent destruction in the downtown area and captures crowds of people milling around. Some are cleaning up debris, and some are trying to evacuate their families and neighbors. Several emergency service trucks are lighting up the whole street. One man has a flamethrower and is trying to thaw out his car. 

"Yes, traffic was horrible on the way to work. This new ice has a particularly high melting point, so its removal is still ongoing. Flash was spotted chasing the captain but frequently had to sidetrack for quick evacuation. Captain Cold was shooting to hurt today. There was no regard for civilian safety or public property. It seemed like he wanted to cripple the city. A few neighboring counties will pitch in for relief efforts; more at eight."

Snippets of their fight all over the area are edited together. Pictures of the destruction show up.

"Reports say their path took them west through the district before making a sharp turn on Roanoke Parkway and doubling back to Central City Plaza. There, Flash cornered the rogue. You can see the two arguing through nearby store cameras, but no audio can be provided. Captain Cold is visibly angered and takes a hostage at one point. The hostage, one Lacey James, was under threat for less than a minute before the Flash stole her away and returned her to waiting police officers. Cold is upset by this and douses the whole plaza in a thick ice sheet."

A virtual map follows the path taken with a red line—the screen changes to an out-of-focus storefront video. Captain Cold has a blonde woman at gunpoint, but Flash disappears with the woman too fast for the cameras to follow. Flash returns a few seconds later. Captain Cold seems angered, and the cameras short out soon after. 

"Uh oh, we all know how hard it is to walk on ice. Captain Cold obviously wanted to slow down the Flash, but why?"

"We're still not sure, Kim. I mean, it's his thing. But does anyone know why villains do what they do?"

"You have a point, Frank. But that's not why we're here today."

"No, it is not. While the Flash did his best, bless his heart, a few civilians were stuck inside the plaza with the two supers. No deaths have been reported citywide, and only a single person has been admitted to the ICU due to a case of hypothermia. More about this young soul can be found on our website and the link to their family's GOFUNDME. But aside from that, one of the civilians managed to get an interesting part of the fight on video. None of the stores in the area had working cameras at this point, so let's look at the video now. Please be warned, viewers' discretion is advised."

The video opens showing the face of a young teen. The video is obviously from the point of view of their phone. The teen is swearing, and viewers at home can hear a long string of beeps. 

A voice from off-screen: "Yo! Are you getting this??"

The teen swears one last time, but the video's perspective is changed. The camera is peeking out into the plaza between a car tire and a chunk of ice. "[beep], it's so cold, man. It's [beep]ing August. I hope that kid is okay."

"It was nice of you to give that family your flannel."

"It was that or let that kid freeze, man. Now shut up. I'm tryin' to hear what they're saying!"

The two teens pipe down. The camera is adjusted a few times, but eventually, the audio is picked up. Flash can be heard arguing with Captain Cold, although the dialogue is spotty due to the range.

"-can't do that!"

"The-[beep]ing [beeeeeeep] upstairs--hospital-----"

"-new procedure-----s West--gone clean---"

"NEVER! THOSE---[beep] this, GG---home--too sick---"

"-can help! S.T.A.R. Labs---new meds--won't------"

Flash is cut off by a scream of frustration from Captain Cold. The rogue begins to point and shoot at Flash, who has to zoom out of the way. Viewers can tell there are many close calls, as Flash stumbles more than once due to the slick ice.

Suddenly, a swirling green portal appears and spits out a figure right into the Flash's path. A loud smack is heard when they hit the ground face-first. One teen behind the camera sucks in a sharp breath, and the other whispers, "Ouch, that had to hurt."  Flash has no room to stop and trips over the body.

"[BEEP]!" Flash face-plants and doesn't get back up. Captain Cold pauses, staring at the two on the ground. A loud groan is heard a second later, and the figure raises its head. The camera zooms in. 

The figure was a glowing little girl with white hair and unnaturally green eyes. Glowing green blobs circle her head like cartoon birds. Bits of asphalt are stuck to her face, drawing green blood, but her skin heals as viewers watch.

The girl seemed disoriented, staring blankly at Flash and then at Captain Cold. The teen holding the phone can be heard scooting closer. The video shakes violently for a few seconds, but now viewers can listen to the conversation more clearly. 

"Uh...hi?" Small animal noises are heard, and viewers realize it's coming from the blobs, whipping around faster than before. 

"Where the [BEEP] did you come from?"

Whispers of astonishment come from the teens as the girl pushes herself off the ground and into the air, visibly struggling to stay afloat. "Hey, watch your [beep]ing language, dude. Children are present."

Captain Cold spluttered. "Wha-??"

The girl ignored the villain and turned towards the Flash. She bends over him, placing two fingers on his neck, presumably to check his pulse. Viewers see the girl wearing a big, black backpack in the shape of a ghost. From the camera's distance, it was difficult to determine what else she was wearing, but one of the teens said, "That's a sick outfit. I love the boots. Big 'Prometheus' vibes."

A scoff. "Yeah, no. I'm thinking 'Star Wars,' for sure." 

An argument begins behind the camera, and the view tilts a bit since their attention is no longer on it. 

A thin whine draws back the attention of the teens and the audience. Captain Cold is pointing a gun at the girl, who has a bemused expression on her face. Over the sound of the weapon, their quiet conversation cannot be heard. 

(Later, a famous child psychologist would do a ten-minute interview for Beefood's new show, 'Cohabiting with Cryptids.' Analysis shows the child was actually terrified at Captain Cold's actions and more confused than she let on. Some comments point out that the girl attempted to put herself between the Flash and the rogue, proving that she hadn't meant the Flash any harm.)

Suddenly, the girl scoops up Flash into a fireman's carry and dodges an ice blast. The teen filming the event swears and drops their phone. Shuffling and more gunshots can be heard. 

"You gotta chill out, man!"

"Ah, [beep], the screen cracked-"

"What?!"

"I can't-"

"Maybe a little shock therapy will get your Christmas spirit going!"

The shooting pauses. "It's Aug-AAAAAUGH!"

A scream startles the teens. It's coming from Captain Cold, and viewers can tell he's in pain. 

The screen is still black. 

"What the [beep], what the [beep]-"

"Is that lightning??"

"She's electrocuting him. How-"

"It's pink!"

"That's not what you should be focusing on right now!"

"But it's PINK LIGHTNING."

"She is literally burning holes into his parka, what the [beep]."

"Do you think Flash can make pink lightning? Should I ask him?"

"I don't [beep]ing know! She's going to kill him!"

"No, she isn't; look!"

A quiet moment. Captain Cold has stopped screaming, but small groans can be heard instead. 

"She stopped, see?"

"How much electricity was that??"

"I dunno, but obviously not enough to kill him."

"You're very calm about this."

"Don't worry. I'll freak out later."

"Oh, Jesus-"

"Look!"

A clatter. "Sorry about that." The camera finally refocused, although it was shakier than before. The girl was hovering over the prone form of Captain Cold, still holding onto the Flash. Viewers could hear her voice tremble. "On the plus side, a few of your screws may have been knocked back into place from the electricity. Anyways, see you later, [beeeeep] Ice Prince!"

The camera swings around to face the second teen. Their eyes were lit up in fascination. "New life goal: Pull a Zarina from 'The Pirate Fairy' and figure out how to make pink lightning."

"Oh, my [beep], Lynne! Why-"

The video ends abruptly, and the news anchors fade back into view. 

"Well, that was...interesting." 

"I'd say so. We have seven minutes left; let's discuss the theories."

-----

Dani stared at the tv. A quick re-run of the video from Fifteen Minutes of Heroes was playing. It was well past ten now, but she'd managed to hole up in someone's party shack on top of some apartments. And while she refused to touch the poorly-hidden weed, Dani had no qualms about raiding the stash of (packaged) food and flipping on the old tube tv. She'd turned on the local news channel to learn more about this new world since wandering around for a few hours didn't tell her much. 

And she'd learned a lot. 

This was a world of superheroes. Dani didn't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, she thought it would be easier to care for herself. She wouldn't have to try as hard to hide her powers-hell, she was being featured on the news! And these people weren't discussing her imminent capture. No public warnings about reporting her, nothing about being a danger to society. These news reporters were doing their job, relaying the facts and throwing out theories about her identity and powers. Was she a super? A rookie? An alien? A meta? What was her name? The people on the screen flashed a phone number below and asked if anyone spotted her please call their hotline. Not to hunt her down but because she was a kid. A superpowered kid whom no one knew the identity of and seemed to be very much alone. And yeah, Dani knew there were people out there with malicious intentions. But the fact that she was on the news and not in a bad way was baffling. 

(On the other hand, Dani knew her dad. A world full of superheroes meant a world full of supervillains that normal humans couldn't fight back against. Dani hoped with all her core that he'd stay away from the fighting. His Obsession wasn't protecting people, thank the Ancients, or they might never find each other.) 

At the very least, Dani expected one or two comments about her 'horrible intentions' to hurt their city hero. Still, Flash himself came on in an interview earlier that night and said while he woke up in a really weird place, he did not have any injuries besides the ones he caused himself. Flash noted that "The kid even tried to make me comfortable. She made a cardboard nest for me to lay on and tried hiding me in a private location. Sure, that location was a dumpster, but it obviously worked because no one found me until I'd already woken up."

"In this picture, you're seen with a pair of-heh-handcuffs. Any idea why the girl might've attached you to that pipe?"

"If I had to hazard a guess, the kid is scared. I saw the footage. I know I got knocked out pretty quickly. But that girl did her best to defend me from my enemy and get me to safety. However, it's obvious that knocking out two men twice her size has her spooked. Those handcuffs were probably an attempt to restrain me so she could get a head start. Probably thought I was mad at her. She even left an apology note. But don't worry, Spooky. I'm not mad. Thank you for saving my hide, and I'm sorry I tripped over you."

Dani's eyes were glued to the screen. Those last words, Flash had addressed towards the camera. They were for her. But she told him her name, her human name. Why use Spooky? 

Fuck it. I'm too tired for this. 

-----

Whether she liked it or not, it was too easy for Elle to get used to life on the streets again. She'd done it before; stealing food, sleeping in alleys, squatting in abandoned buildings, always looking over her shoulder a second time.

She knew her family wasn't happy about her time on the streets-Danny especially. When they first separated, she could feel the pain from his core. He hated sending her away. But it was that or risk worse from the potential backlash. At least this time, she had an extra pair of eyes. Or five. 

Blob ghosts were a common thing, especially around Amity. The more ecto-contaminated you were, the more blob ghosts tended to hang around. They weren't the weakened souls of the dead but more like collections of intense emotions imprinted on ectoplasm. Elle usually got a whole hoard following her back home, but in this new universe, only five managed to find the strength to follow her. Elle thought it was only appropriate to claim them as Hers and give them names. 

So now, Noodle, Buffy, Preston, Shaniac, and Boogara were a part of her little fright. And as such, they became extremely handy in her city exploration. They were her scouts, her lookouts, her moral support. They could not, however, help out much when she was in a big fight, like yesterday. They just had to hide in her hair. 

But with the smaller enemies, they really came through. For example, she was having a nasty brawl with a particularly ugly rat over a breakfast sandwich at the moment, and her blob buddies were being a huge help. 

Yes, you heard right. 

Elle was hungry. She'd been hungry before, and it was nothing new. But the fight and panic attack yesterday took a lot out of her. She'd barely touched the food at that weed shack, too afraid it was laced with something. So after picking an alley and transforming back into a human, Elle started looking around for something to eat. Her search led her to a small café, where she used the last of her allowance to buy an egg and ham breakfast sandwich. Which she promptly dropped onto the ground after face-planting for the second time in the past twelve hours. She was close to another alley, and Elle could only watch with wide eyes as a giant rat darted out into the sunlight, snatched the corner of the wrapper, and dragged it away. Why'd she fall? Elle tripped over a chunk of ice from the café doorway. ICE. 

I should have kicked that man in the dick. Elle thought, scrambling up to chase after the rat. Her blob buddies led the way, harassing the rat as best they could to slow it down. They cornered it in a box. Buffy was chittering especially loud, leading the others. 

Elle knelt and reached in blindly, grasping for anything. One of her knees was bleeding, and bits of broken glass were getting into the cut. "Where are y-ouch! Motherfucker! Did you just bite me??" The rat screamed and bit her again. "Oh fuck no! Get your ass out here, you little-"

The rat ran out, still dragging the wrapped sandwich. Elle tried stomping on it but missed. Noodle was handing around the rat's neck like a rope, trying to restrain it. Shaniac and Boogara were tugging at the sandwich, and Elle managed to snatch it up a second before the rat escaped into a shoe. Without hesitating, Elle punted the shoe into the street like a football. 

She snorted in satisfaction when the shoe and its passenger were lost in the crowd. 

"I can't believe that just happened." Elle whirled around but didn't see anyone. "Up here!"

Above her head, watching the whole thing with an amused expression, was a woman sticking her head out of a window from the second floor. The woman had tight brown curls and an equally tight face that looked strained when she smiled. 

"You're that Spooky kid from the news, right?" The woman called. How did she-? Elle scrunched up her face. Right, blob ghosts. 

"No!" Yeah, that was believable. "Anyways, mind your own business!" She stalked out of the alley, hard-won sandwich in hand, and did her best to ignore the woman's stifled giggles she could still hear two blocks away. 

Okay, maybe staying as a ghost will be easier in this big new city.  

-----

@passivedecept @lehana37 @kobol1 @cat-in-a-fedora @starkcravingmad

[george-weasleys-girl]

Chapter 18 - Sisters

Warnings: bit of angst, a couple curse words

Summary: Ginny and Y/N talk through the recent events at the Burrow

Start Here:

~•~

George's POV

Unable to keep still for very long, George had spent the past hour in his bedroom stuck in an endless loop of sitting, standing, pacing. Every few minutes he looked out the window for any sign of Y/N and Ginny, all the while dithering over whether or not he should try to go find his girlfriend.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed when he heard a soft knock on his bedroom door. Jumping up, he ran to it, swinging it open. His heart sank when he saw it was Molly.

"Oh, it's you," he muttered. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk. Can we talk?"

George sighed, slumping back down on his bed. "Sure. Why not?"

'Things can't get much worse than they already are.'

~•~

Y/N's POV

"Of course you belong here."

Y/N jumped, spinning around at the sound of Ginny's voice. "You and George belong together," she said, walking to stand beside Y/N. "Everyone knows that. Even Mum. She just has her head up her ass right now."

Y/N blinked, unmoving, staring at Ginny. Then she burst out laughing.

The Weasley girl tilted her head, giving Y/N a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry, Ginny." Y/N said. "You just took me by surprise. Of all things you could've said about your mom, that was the last thing I ever expected."

Ginny shrugged. "Well, it's true and I'm pissed at her for it."

Y/N's smile faded as the heaviness in the pit of her chest returned. It was bad enough that George and Molly were at odds over her. But, driving a rift between her and another of her children was unforgivable.

"Please don't be angry with her." Y/N pleaded. "She's just doing what she thinks is best."

"So are Death Eaters, but that doesn't make their actions right."

Y/N's mouth fell open. "Ginny! Are you comparing your mom to a Death Eater?"

"No, no, not at all." Ginny clarified. "I'm just saying that sometimes we think we're doing something good when we're really doing the opposite."

Y/N gave a thoughtful nod. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," she replied, her thoughts drifting back to her first day at Ilvermorny, remembering the words of Professor Greene, her Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

'Good intentions do not always make for good magic. There can be a great deal of difference between what someone intends to do and what they actually do. If one is not mindful, well-intended magic can lead to devastating consequences just as easily as ill-intended magic.'

Oh.

Y/N almost laughed out loud again. 'Damn, I'm such an idiot.'

Blaming herself for George and Molly's falling out, Y/N had felt responsible for fixing everything. In her distress over the situation, she'd never once stopped to think of the implications of her actions.

Ginny's voice cut through her ruminations. "Hey, Y/N? You ok? Y/N?" She waved her hand in front of Y/N's face.

"What? Yeah, yeah. Sorry. My mind wandered off for a moment." Y/N shook herself, then smiled, seeing the worry on her friend's face. "Promise."

Ginny narrowed her eyes, but didn't press the matter. Instead, she held up a small stone. "Will you teach me how to make rocks hop across the water?"

~•~

Ginny's POV

They skipped rocks for a while, chatting about random things, before Ginny returned to more important business. Under normal circumstances, Ginny had no problem speaking her mind. However, this was a delicate situation. It wasn't just Y/N feeling unwelcome at the Burrow, it was that Mrs. Weasley prided herself on making it a home to everyone who stepped across the threshold.

Until now.

Taking in a slow, steady breath, Ginny began. "I'm really sorry about mum," she apologized, watching her stone skip across the water. "I had no idea she was going to be like this."

"I don't blame you, Gin. There's no way you could've known."

Ginny threw another stone. "I know. It's just-- I don't understand how she can be so blind. You’re a Weasley, Y/N. Maybe not in name." Yet. "But, you're one of us."

"You're sweet to say so." Y/N skipped a rock, trying to hide the crack in her voice.

"And you're my sister." Ginny continued. "George isn't the only one refusing to give you up without a fight."

A noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob escaped Y/N's lips.

Ginny dropped her stone and moved to place a gentle hand on Y/N's arm. "I--I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No." Y/N gave her a watery smile. "You said everything right. I just never expected to gain a family out of this little excursion across the pond."

"So, does that mean you're not leaving, err--coming back after graduation?"

"Absolutely. I'm not giving George or my new sister up either."

"Oh, good." Ginny smiled wide, relief flooding her as she engulfed Y/N in a hug. "After this morning, I thought I might have to appeal to your sense of mercy."

"Mercy?"

"George would never, ever get over you," Ginny explained, pulling away. "And I'd have to spend the rest of my life with him moping around, pining after you. A fate worse than death."

~•~

Molly's POV

Molly watched out the window as George sprinted out to embrace Y/N as she and Ginny returned. The younger twin had always been the gentlest and most sensitive of her children. He was the one she worried about the most, even with Fred looking out for him.

The Weasley matriarch sighed, stepping back from the window. She had well and truly lost this battle. George would not budge an inch and she had a strong suspicion that Ginny would stand firm, as well. The only thing left was to actually talk to Y/N. Something Arthur had pushed her to do from the beginning.

Rolling her eyes, Molly could almost hear her husband saying, "I told you so."

Next Chapter:

@milivanili99

@slytherclaw1978

[hanzajesthanza]

songs to listen to at the end of the world // a playlist for a strange fellowship of idiots...

In your darkest dreams see to believe Our destiny is time And endlessly we'll all be free tonight!

[the album cover above flashes. see this post for an accessible, non-flashing version of the album art]

to celebrate reaching 500 followers, i wanted to share my hanza fanmix which follows their journey from their ambitious beginnings to their fated end. tracklist and song choice explanations under the cut (long post).

there are 23 songs for the 23 days in september before they became a hanza. (and of course, i included sapkowski's own song pick, dire straits' brothers in arms. because how could i not?)

tracklist: 1. It's The End of The World As We Know It - R.E.M. // 2. Highway to Hell - AC/DC // 3. Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel // 4. Out of Touch - Hall & Oates // 5. The Graveyard Near The House - The Airborne Toxic Event // 6. C'mon - Panic! at the Disco and fun. // 7. Brothers In Arms - Dire Straits // 8. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel // 9. Rubicon - Journey // 10. Through the Fire and the Flames (Slow) - Melodicka Bros (cover) // 11. Dream On - Aerosmith // 12. This Must Be The Place - The Mysteries of Life (cover) // 13. This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies // 14. Our House - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young // 15. Last Party - MIKA // 16. Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen // 17. Bat Out of Hell - Meat Loaf // 18. How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty // 19. Through the Fire and the Flames - DragonForce // 20. The Four Horsemen - Metallica // 21. Gallowdance - Lebanon Hanover // 22. Free Bird (Edit) - Lynryd Skynyrd // 23. Battle of Olympus - Syd Matters

as is customary for my fanmixes, i will be explaining my song choices and how they relate to the canon plot below.

1. It's The End of The World As We Know It - R.E.M.

do you like how this song is about the end of the world, and yet it is the first song in the playlist? hmm? i'm clever, aren't i ;)

i chose this song not just for its chorus, "it's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine..." but actually because of a youtube skit which uses this song to depict a "2005 action movie"

this skit is peak regis and angoulême friendship tbh, but i have, luckily, assigned the dialogue from this skit to the members of the hanza:

[angoulême] he’s just a kid “can i go now?” “well maybe you shouldn’t have brought napalm to the science fair”

[regis. also milva] and she’s an alien who parasiticaly consumes the bodies of her hosts until they—

[all of them, but espcially geralt] “i didn’t sign up for saving the world!”

[milva. also regis] “i’ll teach you all about MKUltra if you teach me how to… be a— a teenage girl!”

[to the whole hansa, but especially geralt and dandelion] “are you two up to something 🤨”

[regis] “i enjoy eating human food :)”

[cahir] “have you ever read ronald reagan’s biography”

[angoulême, to regis] “wait… you’re an alien?!” (said at a comically late point in the movie when the character in question being an alien is part of the exposition in the first five minutes)

2. Highway to Hell - AC/DC

Goin' down Party time My friends are gonna be there too, yeah I'm on the highway to hell On the highway to hell

the hero's journey in an epic usually involves a descent into hell, the underworld, or some realm of death. i consider geralt's journey with his company to check this box because "hell" in this case is the warzone of the nilfgaardian invasion. to me, it can be seen as a commentary on what the equivalent of "hell" is in real life.

it's a characteristically energetic song, which contrasts with the matter of geralt traversing a warzone to try and rescue ciri, setting off from brokilon with no plan. and of course, "his friends are gonna be there too..."

3. Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel

Well I don't know why I came here tonight I've got the feeling that something ain't right

continuing on from how geralt has no plan, only anguish, anxiety, and paranoia of ciri's current location and state...

Clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am stuck in the middle with you

the company is one made of clowns and jokers, and geralt is "stuck in the middle" of them. as the exchange between geralt and milva concerning cahir goes, "he's a madman..." "he'd suit this company perfectly..."

4. Out of Touch - Hall & Oates

yes, this is an out of touch thursday reference.

You're out of touch I'm out of time (time) But I'm out of my head when you're not around

geralt's lack of plan to save ciri = he's out of touch

ciri having already joined the rats = he's out of time

geralt's insanity regarding ciri = he's out of his head when she's not around

5. The Graveyard Near The House - The Airborne Toxic Event

You asked me if I thought We would ever die So I pictured us like corpses Lying side by side in pieces in some dark and lonely plot under a bough We looked so silly there, all decomposed, half turned to dust in tattered clothes Though we probably look just as silly now

continuing with the theme of the hanza being jokers, clowns, silly... travelling incognito, to avoid arousing suspicion - and laughter.

I can't pretend that I can tell you what is going to happen next or how to be But you have no idea about me Yeah, you have no idea about me Do you?

each member of the company has some backstory yet to be revealed (regis and milva chapter 7 of baptism of fire, angouleme and cahir ch 6 of tower of the swallow)

And it seems a little less profound Like we're all going the same way down Yeah, we're all going the same way down I'm just trying to write it all down

they are indeed fated to die, but it will be recorded in half a century of poetry...

6. C'mon - Panic! at the Disco and fun.

this is a holdover from the percy jackson / heroes of olympus fandom circa 2013... listen, give me a book with a group of lovable misfit friends and i'll be there, i suppose i'm predictable. this is the animatic by viria which has stuck with me all these years (obviously, spoilers for percy jackson / heroes of olympus if you haven't read that book series).

C'mon, c'mon, with everything falling down around me I'd like to believe in all the possibilities

again, the company comes together in the middle of a warzone, they're in the middle of the world falling down around them.

Celebrate the night, it's the fall before the climb Shall we sing, shall we sing, 'til the morning? If I fall forward, you fall flat And if the sun should lift me up, would you come back?

they should celebrate, because this is the happy part before they all die (apologies for my brusqueness - it's best to be straightforward). i mean, baptism of fire ch 5 VS lady of the lake ch 9. that's all there is to say about the rise before the fall, the fall before the climb.

7. Brothers In Arms - Dire Straits

the original, the canon, the namesake, the song chosen by sapkowski to preface chrzest ognia. the song is about the futility of war in general, so please apply it to those anti-war themes as well as the shared suffering and penance of the hanza.

Through these fields of destruction Baptisms of fire I've witnessed your suffering As the battle raged higher

And though they did hurt me so bad In the fear and alarm You did not desert me My brothers in arms

the bravery of the company triumphs during the battle of the bridge, refusing to desert milva, refusing to desert one another...

Now the sun's gone to hell The moon's riding high Let me bid you farewell Every man has to die

again, the hanza is destined to die

But it's written in the starlight And every line in your palm We're fools to make war On our brothers in arms

geralt and cahir over the bridge...

8. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel

i initially thought about adding this song as a joke (for the battle of the bridge), but i soon realized it fit very well.

When times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down

the whole premise of the company is that they are strange pieces that never planned to be together - they're not professionals, they're not expert trackers - they're strangers, random people geralt happened across in the middle of a warzone who wanted to help his cause. when he could find no one else to help him, they were there... over troubled waters...

9. Rubicon - Journey

i deliberately searched for a song about crossing the rubicon and was lucky enough to find a journey song (because you know it will be a banger if it's from journey).

a bit of roman history: julius caesar crossed the rubicon river, moving south into italy as a "point of no return" to the imminent civil war which awaited him and his forces in rome (this is where we get the saying, "the die has been cast.")

the narration of tower of the swallow remarks upon the crossing of the jaruga in a similar fashion - it had felt like a significant step in their journey towards the next stage. this river crossing is a point of no return for them.

10. Through the Fire and the Flames (Slow) - Melodicka Bros (cover)

i have included this song twice because it's very emblematic of the hanza. treat the version that shows up later in this playlist as a reprise.

The scattered souls will feel the hell Bodies wasted on the shore

On the blackest plains in Hell's domain We watch them as they go Through the fire and pain and once again we know!

this reminds me of how they journey through the fields and witness masses of refugees fleeing their torched homes with empty eyes...

So now we're flying we're free We're free before the thunderstorm On towards the wilderness Our quest carries on

this is their rise before the fall - they're free before the thunderstorm, continuing their quest, carrying on...

So far away we wait for the day For the lives all so wasted and gone We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days Through the fire and the flames we carry on!

they are far away from their destination right now, but press forth... and in the meantime, they in each other and in the war-torn landscape of fire and flame, find their redemption and lose their "pain of a lifetime"... all of their guilt and trauma washes away momentarily in the campfires and late-night discussions...

11. Dream On - Aerosmith

Yeah, I know nobody knows Where it comes and where it goes I know it's everybody's sin You got to lose to know how to win

again, themes of sin and loss appear - but this is also the introduction of a happier side of the coin... the theme of dreams.

Dream on Dream until your dream come true

12. This Must Be The Place - The Mysteries of Life (cover)

first of all, i have to apologize for using a cover and not using the original talking heads recording. however, this was a purposeful decision, as the song in its original recording is too powerful and too unique, it cannot be associated with the hanza or kept within any kind of fanmix.

Home is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home, she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place

they say home is a person, not a place... though having a palace in beauclair doesn't hurt. "she lifted up her wings" could refer to anna henrietta providing them stay... and as fulko artevelde states, “anarietta (…) has a weakness for freaks, lunatics, and oddballs (…) who [she] gladly gives asylum to in her little fairy-tale land.”

I can't tell one from another Did I find you or you find me?

this is a time in their journey where the hanza finally gets some peace and are able to pause and reflect on what they have become, and what their destiny is.

13. This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies

The warmth of your love's Like the warmth from the sun And this will be our year Took a long time to come

this is just a generically feel-good song, a bit of triumph as they've made it out of the hellhole that was sodden, brugge, angren, and the north case.

And I won't forget The way you helped me Up when I was down

but they have been united because of their journey, their friendships forged in the fire of war.

14. Our House - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Our house is a very, very, very fine house with two cats in the yard Life used to be so hard Now everything is easy 'cause of you...

it's a wonderful dream, but is it real?

Play your love songs all night long for me, only for me

aaand a bit of a gerlion bias on my part. i can't help it.

15. Last Party - MIKA

If you could look into the future, would ya? If you could see it, would you even want to? I got a feeling that there's bad news coming But I don't want to find it out

the company can sense their impending deaths...

If it's the end of the world, let's party Like it's the end of the world, let's party And wrap your arms around everybody If we're all gonna die, let's party, let's party, let's party

but their stay in toussaint is their last dream before they awake. their last supper, in a sense... a paradise, a beautiful fantasy...

16. Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen

Well now, I'm no hero, that's understood All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now? Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere We got one last chance to make it real To trade in these wings on some wheels Climb in back, heaven's waiting down on the tracks

mentions of not being meant to be a hero, but travelling onwards anyways, a limited amount of redemption, and the need to leave, to have one chance to "make it real" - leave the dream in toussaint and return to reality, where "heaven's waiting down on the tracks"

17. Bat Out of Hell - Meat Loaf

this is the first song that i imagined a whole hanza animatic to, so essentially every lyric in this song has a specific image associated with it... but to be more generalistic...

But I gotta get out, I gotta break it out now Before the final crack of dawn So we gotta make the most of our one night together When it's over you know we'll both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes Oh, when the night is over, like a bat out of hell I'll be gone, gone, gone

they MUST leave toussaint, and they must do it NOW - with the urgency they display in chapter 4 of lady of the lake.

I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram On a silver black Phantom bike Oh, when the metal is hot and the engine is hungry And we're all about to see the light

they "hit the highway like a battering ram," with this power and urgency - meeting geralt at the gate in one hour - and are "all about to see the light" - meet their destiny...

And I know that I'm damned if I never get out And baby, I'm damned if I do But with every other beat I got left in my heart You know I'd rather be damned with you Well if I gotta be damned, you know I wanna be damned Dancing through the night with you

... and they meet their destiny together. they're all damned either way, but they're damned, together.

18. How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

this is another holdover from the percy jackson / heroes of olympus fandom circa 2013... here is the animatic by viria...

I'm wakin' up at the start of the end of the world But it's feeling just like every other morning before

notice how "the end of the world" lyric and the "the world is ending, but i'm fine" attitude reprises from the first song in the playlist? i intended that :D

But I believe the world is burning to the ground Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out Let's see how far we've come

we just had to mention burning, didn't we...

Well I believe it all is coming to an end Oh well, I guess we're gonna pretend Let's see how far we've come

"pretend" could refer to their stay in toussaint, in the dream-like fantasy they held while living in the palace...

19. Through the Fire and the Flames - DragonForce

enjoy the epic reprise!

On a cold winter morning In the time before the light In flames of death's eternal reign We ride towards the fight

this first stanza IS their ride to stygga - on a cold winter morning, riding towards the fight...

We're banished from a time in a fallen land To a life beyond the stars

this line relates to exiting life and entering the realm of legend as heroes, remembered in story as geralt's company...

In your darkest dreams see to believe Our destiny is time And endlessly we'll all be free tonight!

toussaint was a dream, stygga is about to be a nightmare, where they'll meet their destiny.

see free bird later towards the end of the playlist for associations with the word "free."

Now here we stand with their blood on our hands We fought so hard, now can we understand

one of the lines geralt delivers in the soup scene in ch 5 of baptism of fire is "united by a common goal [ciri], which none of you understand." none of them understood their goal, ciri, when they struck out - but now, at stygga, they understand. with the blood on their hands, they've reached enlightenment.

20. The Four Horsemen - Metallica

By the last breath of the fourth winds blow Better raise your ears The sound of hooves knock at your door Lock up your wife and children now It's time to wield the blade For now you've got some company

i imagine this is what boreas mun and the others near the gate of castle stygga heard when the hanza approached.

The horsemen are drawing nearer On the leather steeds they ride They've come to take your life On through the dead of night With the four horsemen ride Or choose your fate and die

this reminds me of a line from the odyssey from the slaughter of the suitors, it's something like "they had no idea how tightly the net had been cast around them".

You've been dying since the day you were born You know it's all been planned

the hanza's deaths were planned since their initial appearances, at least there are clues which indicate so.

The quartet of deliverance rides A sinner once a sinner twice No need for confession now 'Cause now you have got the fight of your life

the themes of baptism of fire and tower of the swallow reprise, about guilt, penance, suffering... it's all coming together

i've also compared the hanza at stygga to the four horsemen of the apocalypse in other places, such as that little quiz i made, and here's what i think about them as they enter -

milva like pestilence, like lord apollo coming down from olympus with the arrows rattling in the quiver on his back, shooting down the greek camp in the beginning of the iliad

cahir like war, his nilfgaardian officer's helmet tells it all, if the large sword he was brandishing wasn't enough.

angouleme like famine, as she has starved many times before, and represents the remnants of a landscape destroyed by nilfgard

geralt like death (or time, in this case), his white hair, his finality. and he has the closest relation to ciri, who, after all as we know, is death or was death herself.

i didn't mention regis, because he's not on horseback when they enter the gate at stygga, he's the figure which lets them in. i suppose this gives him antichrist energies, a diagnosis that he'd probably be amused by.

21. Gallowdance - Lebanon Hanover

Dance with me the gallowdance For all the degradation is this land Dance with me the gallowdance As disorientated as you can

originally a song which i categorized for regis, i think the overall message of "dying together" is appropriate for the hanza; however, it does still bare some regis-like features - the genre and atmosphere, "dance" and "disorientated" serve to remind of the drunken state which leads to his death.

22. Free Bird (Edit) - Lynryd Skynyrd

If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me For I must be traveling on now 'Cause there's too many places I've got to see But if I stay here with you, girl Things just couldn't be the same

of course this song is a romantic one about the leaving of a lover, but i'm repurposing this song to be about the destined deaths of the hanza: they "must be travelling on now," they must die, if they "stay here" "things just couldn't be the same," if they continue to live, the story will not take place as it is intended to, as was foreshadowed and destined.

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now And this bird you cannot change

birds and death are often associated; at stygga, black rooks crowd the castle walls before the hanza enters the gate and the courtyard. death is "freeing," in many aspects, and these cannot be changed, these are their final ends, their destinies.

23. Battle of Olympus - Syd Matters

Way back in the warmth of '87 '78 We don't fear a black night as we're leaving heaven Close all the windows, put the TV on As the sun goes down

they fear nothing as they leave, they have been living in the "heaven" of toussaint but have left it. i originally misheard this lyric as "leaving heaven" and i'm rolling with that... closing the windows, they're now enveloped in darkness, in eternal sleep, the sun now sets on their journey, their destiny.

I swear I saw a fairy in the back of your garden But it was nothing at all for you to remember

ciri is referred to as a faerie by galahad, geralt and cahir see her in their dreams...

Cannot find the keys of my memory box Tell the time to stop and dry my teardrops Where have you been? I forgot what I've seen, even in my dreams

"dry my teardrops" reminds me of the prophecy regis received from the girl from the refugee camp remarked upon "when at the end (...) the tears dry, then will die the few left who remain." "i've forgot what i've seen, even in my dreams" reminds me of condwiramurs's labor of locating castle stygga as the final battle.

the song is soft, contemplative, and sad... it seems fitting to the tragic end.