#like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources�� | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fractallogic · 2 years ago

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You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited

Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.

And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well

…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.

I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.

#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs…#also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role #that would be great. I would do that too.#I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia #as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh.#it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary #maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB #like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’#and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine #but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!)#and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea #so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’#so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange #same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff #like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday #…but seems unlikely’#and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction #…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!!#and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’#(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me #and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything #so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is)#anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for #and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you #because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks #but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them #so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one

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