#like even if i got a full time job which doubled my income it wouldn't be as much

[asphodel-flowers]

I miss my rattie babies. haven't been able to go over there and see them. watching on repeat some shitty videos I made of them last time I was there. hesitant to post them because they suck, all awkwardly following and unsteady camera and terrible lighting.

Mom and I have been sharing the one car since mine flooded and was declared a total loss, which means coming straight home after work and not being able to visit my gf, so not being able to visit the rats. had to order them food on Amazon to send to gf, couldn't get and bring it myself. and it's not like she has transportation.

I love Sephy but she's definitely my mom's cat, not mine. of all the pets I've had, I don't think any have ever felt truly mine the way the ratties do. wish something would just work so we can afford to fix the house so I can have a real room to bring them home to.

it's all just so frustrating. everyone's working their asses off, trying their hardest and... still, it's never enough. everything costs too much. and none of it is anything that can be dropped or excluded or cut. we have to eat, we have to get gas for the car, we have to pay for the stupid storage units and the electric bill and the mortgage and and and

and it never ends.

there has got to be some solution somehow I'm just not seeing it. idk what else to do tho.

[sometimesrosy]

Hey Rosy, somewhat of a difficult “question”. I live in a smaller country in Europe, where things are getting very difficult. We’re considered a 1st world country, but I digress. My mom has a pretty good high-paying job, still only middle-class, so I was fortunate enough to grow without anything missing, although there were no luxuries and almost no traveling, etc. But, if we felt like eating out on a friday afternoon, we would, for example. Eventually I went to live with my boyfriend at a rented house, and we considered ourselves lucky to have that rent at that time, because prices were already spiking. We were able to maintain a normal lifestyle, no big excesses but we could pay for everything, spend some money on our hobbies, and still save by the end of the month. We even went on a big vacation, although my mom helped a bit there. Fast forward to now and we bought a house, after some insistence from my mom, and because it really was the best thing to do: the house we were in was without contract and price of everything was still raising like crazy. Who knew if we’d stay at the house next month or the landlord would double the rent or kick us out? So, we got ourselves a nice apartment, SUPER EXPENSIVE, but we got it. It absolutely drained us, especially my mom and grandma who paid for the full 10% entrance, otherwise we couldn’t buy it. Rent now, as in, payment to the bank, has been very high, and in June it will be even higher. I don’t think any of us had any idea of how ridiculously expensive everything is now, but we’re having a difficult time, mentally, paying for everything. I have a minimum wage job as I can’t find anything better even with my degree, and my bf gets paid a bit more but is also taxed more, so I ended up bringing more home than him. We have been able to pay for everything, but it’s been impossible to save even if 20€. We finished last month with 5€ in our accounts, and this is because my mom helps us a lot and does most of the grocery shopping. With so much stress, I’ve already went to the hospital with a nervous gastritis, which made me miss work and the cut on my salary was HUGE. I can’t help but feel even more stressed, knowing it’s being hard now and that in June it will get worse. Sometimes I even regret buying this apartment. It’s not even the fact that I can’t do anything else besides paying bills, it’s the fact that buying a 10€ book after 3 months of spending 0 money on anything else but bills and rent might make us not be able to pay the bills for this month, and how guilty I’d feel for that. I’ve been working my butt off, even doing some side jobs, and we still can’t save even if 10€. I feel like I’m living on auto pilot, and I know that, unfortunately, this is how millions of people live. I’m just looking for ways to cope.

I am familiar with this struggle. It's definitely hard, no matter where you live in the world right now. I'm not sure anywhere is stable. I don't feel the us is stable either. Expenses keep going up and wages... aren't.

So there are three different ways you can handle this struggle, I think. Or rather. Three different elements.

Cut expenses. (money going out.) It sounds like you've already done that. But you might want to look into some things you're spending money on that you aren't using. Like streaming subscriptions, or a cheaper phone/internet plan. Renegotiate some of your current bills. Who knows? It might work. Or you might want to buy groceries in bulk or generic instead of brand name. I actually think you SHOULD still allow room for small pleasures, like your book, and cut back on expenses you wouldn't even notice, like brand names, if you can.

Increase income. (money coming in.) I know I know. Your jobs don't pay enough. You can't find a better job. I get that. If that's the case, ok. I understand. Find other ways to bring money in. A job on the weekend. Seasonal work. Freelancing. Monetize a hobby. Maybe even selling some of your stuff. Or stuff you get from thrift stores. Yard sales or internet sales or consignment. Maybe a roommate if you have a guest room. A roommate can offer a lot of relief on that rent stress.

Decrease anxiety. My friend. I know not having money is stressful. It makes you afraid. But. BUT. It's just money. Money is a temporary problem. It flows in and it flows out and sometimes there will be more coming in and sometimes there will be more going out. You are making yourself sick over it. Literally. Think back to some previous times in your life when you were short on funds and realize how you got through it. And how when you got through it, the anxiety went away. Because it's just temporary. It's just money. Find ways to enjoy your life REGARDLESS of money. Stop thinking you can't enjoy your life. If that book is too expensive, go to a used book store. Or trade with your friends. Join a collective. Look online for places where people are giving away free or discounted things. Go to free shows and festivals. Visit the beach or parks to decompress. Find outlets that don't cost money. Romanticize the life you have instead of the life the media wants to sell you.

I am giving this advice based on my life in the states, of course. I don't know what's available to you in your country, so I can only offer suggestions that I know of in this country. I do know that there are freelance jobs paying US dollars that you can work from wherever you are. When I worked for a ghostwriting company, a lot of the other freelancers were in other countries. Maybe you could find some sort of freelance side job using your degree. Maybe you can also get some assistance from your government-- but again I don't know what would be available in your country.

But let yourself breathe. It sucks not having money, I know, but once you figure out some ways to juggle income and expenses, there will be breathing room again.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello, Lovely Steph! I know that people here don't usually talk much about their personal life, but, only if you're completely ok with answering this question, I was wondering what you worked in, like, if you had a job in rl. I was interested in what is your job; imho you'd be great at everything, and if u feel comfortable with telling us what you do, it'd be really cool On the other hand, if you don't, for any reason, wanna say it it'd be absolutely ok and u wouldn't even have to answer this 💜

Hey Nonny!

It’s totally okay, I don’t mind. I just try to keep a lot of my personal, online and work life all separate for various reasons (something I don’t think people do enough of, to be honest), but I don’t mind letting y’all know my day-job. It might help y’all understand why I need a break from my computer more often than not.

Yes, I do have a day job as a paid full-time senior graphic designer, one that I’m fortunate enough to work from home at during the pandemic. Assuming you’re new so it’s not AS noticeable that I actually do have a day-job because during quarantine I’m working from home on my home computer, so blogging all day is just a switch of tabs. Downside being a designer in quarantine is you’re always on call and it’s kind of expected that you’re available... *shrugs* At least when I worked at the office, there was that distinct break up of my going to and from work, and a computer dedicated solely for work, and my PERSONAL computer was for personal things. Now my personal computer is EVERYTHING, and I never leave home so *shrugs*

I’m purposely being vague because I don’t want to say much else on a public post, since there is a level of privacy related to my job, other than, if you live in Canada, you’ve probably seen my work all across the country in newspapers, websites, posters, advertisements, television events and billboards. And I do love my job: my boss is great, I have great benefits and I get paid above-living wage, which means I can afford a single apt on my own. It pays over double of my last job, where I used to work as a production coordinator and graphic designer for local newspapers (word to the wise: NEVER work at a newspaper company, they will find ways to fuck you over). This job you guys probably DO know about, since I reference it a lot when people come to me about trash rags using clickbait. That job was a 9 year gig and it paid shit (WAY below poverty), but the benefits and holiday package was good which is why I stayed so long (and waiting for the layoff package that never came), but I LITERALLY couldn’t afford to live anymore and it was to the point I almost lost my home. My friend who works at the HQ branch of my current job got me the position I have now, and for now I’m content, though I want out of the drama of it eventually. My dream is working graphic design at a studio, but where I am now, actually was the “alternate dream position” because my neurotic ass did the math as a teenager and I knew it would enable me to live, if nothing else. I’m saving up to finally move into a condo with my RSP money (in Canada, you can use your RSP’s to buy your first home, which is what I am going to do with it), which is a dream next-step, but I live in a major city so it’s not cheap to go from renting to owning... the in-between stage will cost me about 30,000$ up-front, which I don’t have and the prospect of dropping that much money at once terrifies me. 

Work is one of the few things I KNOW I excel at – I’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years – and honestly these days I truly believe it’s ALL I’m good at, so sadly I choose working tirelessly over anything else because I need the validation from my peers, and at the end of the day, it’s unfortunately left me a very lonely person with shit self-esteem and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Anyway, it is cliché, but graphic design is legit my passion. I love it very much, but I just hate how cutthroat the industry is, and how little respect we designers receive. It combines my love of computers and art seamlessly, and I am proud of the work I have done.  Every month I also do freelance work on the side for a former boss of mine, which is so minimal that I don’t have to claim it (it’s literally under 1000$ a year), for a magazine she publishes, so that gets me some extra spending money every month that I squirrel away for trips and collecting stuff.

So yeah, that’s a bit about me. So if you ever need a business card, logo, poster, etc, I’m your gal, LOL. The blogging and art are hobbies for me. I WANT to make art or writing my sole income, but I’ve never been able to launch either  beyond a commission once every few years or to just meta and the occasional one-shot fic. And my self esteem is SO shit that if I created a Patreon and no one signed up, I’d see it as another failure in my life, so that’s why I just leave the option of my Ko.fi for people to contribute if they like my blog or what I do. 

Anyhoo, TL;DR: I’m a graphic designer for very important people. 

Cheers Nonny, hope that gave you a bit of insight :)