#like emotionnaly drowned

[madeofcc]

OCTOBER UPDATE 🎃

Hellow everyone 👻

Finally, October is here and the spooky season that belongs to it ! Simblreen is turning slowly but surely in spooky mode and I already love to see some great content on my dash. As usual, this is a little post about what's going to happen during this month on this page. You'll find more info about Another Side in the blog update part.

Feel free to read or ignore this but always take very good care of you ♥

Also, thanks a lot to all of you for being here and remember, you're not alone ... This season in particular 👀

Life update : A hell lot happened in a month. I usually love September but this one was probably one of the hardest month of my life. To be short, after 6 months of full implication and hard work, I got fired after a burn out at work. I'm also living with my ex for almost a year now and it has become harder and harder to feel good living together. To be honest, I spend my nights crying these days so I'm fully commited to my sims story this month in order to have some kind of escape. Anyway, I guess that's all, sorry for being that negative this month, I'll get better don't worry. Here comes the blog update anyway :) More fun inside this one.

Blog update : Another Side is starting tomorrow 🎃

I'm soooo happy to see the little hype around this story and I can tell you that it's the one I've been putting so more efforts into it for now. The chapters are a bit longer than usually, I'm really trying to create the best cinematic experience for you dear readers. I made a little poll this week to check your desire about this story and the posting around it. So far, those who voted mainly voted for half a chapter a day so I guess that's what I'll do, but I reserve myself the right to post the entire chapter if it's a short one (like 2 parts).

The intro is already here in 2 parts, Chapter 1 will be called "Yuki" and will be 4 parts long. Tomorrow, October 1st, I'll post 2 parts of this chapter, the first one dropping at midnight (Paris time) and the other one a little bit later during the day. I'll make a timezone reblog and you'll get part 3 and 4 Sunday. Not all chapters will include 4 parts so I can't already tell you how many chapters there will be nor how many parts they will include. For now, the only thing I can tell you is that I'm trying to write it like a serie and so far, ep 1 to 3 include 7 chapters each so ... This should give you an idea. It should also go through October and November I think. Maybe a bit more if the story is longer than planned.

About Simblreen, I'm super excited for the event but I'm still thinking whether or not participating fully this year. For now I still have to fix my topaz clean on Photoshop (everything is installed correctly but nothing appears on Photoshop anymore, it worked fine 2 days ago U_U) but if I have the time I'd love to share some presents ! So far, I'm thinking of some CAS spooky backgrounds and also a new set of horror posters. Expect at least some new posters (who said A24 HORROR ?!) and if I have the time (and energy), some CAS backgrounds then.

About DH, don't worry my loves, Destiny and all should be back for some edits around the end of the year but the story will be officially back in 2023 for a full DH year 😍 I've planned a lot, including a casting call so be prepared !

And I think that's all ! As usual, thank you so much for reading this and for being here. You all are a daily strenght you don't even know 😊

Take very good care of you, enjoy a looooot this spooky season as much as I do (only for the medias part, otherwise, please October be nicer than September who was hell !) and always remember that you're not alone ♥

[standupforyurself]

Hi.

It’s been a year and a half. I remembered not long ago this BD I made at the time. Unfinished. 

I remember the day I stopped been actively involved this Moomin content. A lots a thing stopped that day. I used to relate to Snufkin, a lot. For a bunch of things. But this day changed so much things in me that all these stuffs which made me related with Snufkin.. Suddently were lost ? 

I used to think a lot about longing. How to deal with it ? How to accept it ? How to make it disappear ? What was maturity ? What was selfishness ? How to tell the difference between being selfish and having needs ? And I used to think a lot about  watching someone leave and having no choice but let them go, because they are nothing you can do about it. 

I imagine I grew up. I grew up. Things are differents now, and, for few of them, I’m glad they have been change. 

I still longing, sometimes. About life before Covid, before this night, before the medicine. About the friends I used to have, about the possibilty to talk every day to someone IRL if I wanted to. 

I am longing for one of my friend  tonight,  again. I can only hope things stops to be weird, to be off. In a way difficult to explain. I feel that I watch them leave. Slowly but surely. And everything I try,  to talk to them, to try understand them, to be here for them, to support them, it goes wrong. Again, they are no solution. Not from me, because I don’t think the problem came from me. 

Relationship are so fragiles. They are a lot. A lots of words and a lots of sincerity, and a desir to do right. But again, things fell apart. Words became lies. And promises are not kept. They are no good or bad. Just sometimes things stop to be aligned, to feel right. No matters how I want it to work. 

I know am I dramatic. But after this year. I can hope that nobody blame me for the pain I have to watch one of my two friends I can talk everyday, drift away. Both of them are.. So much.. To me. Watching one of them go away from my life is already way too much for me. I love being alone. But when I chose to be. There no choice here. I am so alone. Again and again and again and again. Every day. 

Even with the presence of my parents, bless them, they are days when I seriously wonder if they are possibilities that I die from loneliness. 

I am so emotionnaly vulnerable. Yet my mum say that she never see me so strong and capable to keep feet into reality and not drowning me into the darkness of my mind. I thought about it. And I think it is about resilience. I developped a capacity of resilence. Maybe I’m more mature too. 

Yes I’m strong. But they are so few lights in my life for the past months. And don’t get me wrong I cherish each of them. But they are so few, it can’t garantee me security. It leads me to put maybe too much of myself into these two relationship. In fact, into every interaction I have on Tumblr. Cause I came to accept that almost all my social life is here now. It is so unstable. I expect myself to act like an adult, with maturity and self preservation. But I feel I have so little emotionnal security ! Yeah ! If I lost my two friend, how will I gonna do hein ? How can I expect to be rationnal and mature if I don’t even have the possibity to call or text casually a friend for telling them what’s up, what’s going on ! It is too much asking from life ? Do I fucking demand too much attention ?! Do I ask too much ?! 

I am sick ! Sick this shitty worldwide situtation !! I feel trapped ! Trapped into my small world I have to content myself with ! I want to leave ! To discover ! To hug ! To impulsively reach a friend outside my city, and spend time with them ! I want to travel ! I want to love ! I want to say “I love you” ! I want to say “fuck you” ! I want to go in class and learn and be friend with my classmates ! I want see what I don’t know ! See that life is more than what I have now ! I want to party ! I want to go into bars and laugh with the loud music shacking my heart ! I want to travel ! 

I want to fly. 

This BD is about letting someone go. But honestly, see wat you want to see. I will never finish it. Maybe it has a good ending. Or maybe not ? What is a good ending anyway ? Sometimes people drift away for better met again when the time come.