#like each time i think i am done i start creating even more iterator dudes

[mothsakura]

Currently in shambles bawling in the bathroom stall at school when I remembered I got character concepts I sorta wanted to post

[douxreviews]

Arrow - ‘Brothers and Sisters’ Review

“There’s two of you now?”

Wow! Everything about this became so unbelievably clear.  Two sets of siblings attempt to forge connections after years spent apart.  I get the answers to most of my niggling questions.  And, we get an extra special guest star.  **Squee**

Let start with our future siblings.  It turns out that William’s departure to his grandparent’s home is permanent.  There is not a second bequeathing of the hozen or second departure as I speculated.  This is depressing since Jack Moore finally proved he could hold his own with the rest of the cast instead of just serving as the plot complication he normally did.  It’s also disquieting.  It means that someone, presumably Grandma and Grandpa Clayton, deliberately kept Oliver and Felicity from contacting William ever again.

Which is why he had no idea he had a sister.  Mia was aware of William though it’s not clear what she believed happened to him.  What is clear is Mia never knew her father.  And while Felicity never stopped thinking of or referring to Oliver as a hero, in true daughter-like fashion, Mia didn’t believe her.  It makes me wonder whose decision it was for Mia to use the last name Smoak.

Curiosity brings the brother and sister together regardless of their trust issues.  William justified his parents’ absence with the belief they were trying to protect him but Mia’s existence gives him pause.  Mia was convinced that her father’s actions caused the downfall of Star City (which may still be true) and despite Felicity’s claims, he was no hero.  William can provide a second opinion.  Their mutual desire to find Felicity and put together the puzzle pieces of their family lead not only to a cease-fire but a tentative agreement to work together.   And now that they have a lead...

Which brings us to our current set of siblings.  Oliver, as usual, has the best of intentions.  Upon learning of Emiko’s mother’s murder he vows to help her find the killer.  Unfortunately, Oliver, as usual, believes he knows best.  Now that he is working within the confines of the law everyone else should too.  He conveniently skips over the many times he equated vengeance with justice and meted out both.  And, as Rene says, stubbornness runs in the family.  Emiko is unwilling to take a back seat on her own mission.  Which leads to yet another confrontation between Ollie and his sister and another breach of trust.

How strange is it that Wild Dog is now the voice of reason, pointing out Oliver’s hypocrisy, and reminding him Emiko needs a brother, not a protector or mentor.  Luckily Oliver is not as stubborn (or as dense) as he once was.  He goes back to Emiko with an apology and the information she seeks.  Like their future counterparts, they arrive at an uneasy alliance if not a true understanding.  The only question is whether Emiko can be trusted now that we finally learned where she picked up her mysterious fighting skills.  Dante.

We are introduced to Dante and if you were anything like me it was worth the wait.  According to the Joss Whedon school of storytelling when the resident badass is afraid of someone that person becomes scary by default. Diaz, destroyer of the Quadrant and established Big Bad, is afraid of Dante. Ergo Dante is the Bigger Bad.  And if you weren’t sure, Diaz’s demise solidified it.  And Dante was one scary dude.  Virgil, his emissary, jumped out of a window rather than return in defeat.  And when Diaz informed him of the setup, Dante killed the Princess and Deputy Director Bell on the suspicion they sold him out.

The icing was realizing Dante was none other than Adrian Paul.  I know I’m dating myself but I’ve been a fan of his since Highlander premiered back in ‘92.  I squealed in delight when he graced my screen and the grin did not leave my face till long after the episode ended.  And for a man nearing 60, he can still move!  What a perfect piece of casting.

Then there’s Felicity.  Past and present, or rather present and future.  Our current iteration has been going through her own crucible this season with this being her final test.  Would she cross the line and become a killer or remain a hero?  There was no foregone conclusion.  Felicity has been on a pretty dark path for a while now.   Though I must admit, after the multiple “I’ll back your play” speeches, I had my suspicions about which path she’d choose.  And I was proved correct when Felicity allowed Diaz to be taken into custody rather than exacting vengeance.

Future Felicity remains an open question since the person who knows her best is neither objective nor trustworthy.  Has the never-ending cycle of Big Bad after Big Bad made Felicity paranoid?  Or did Oliver’s presumed death do that?  Considering that everyone who knew about the plans to blow up Star City is dead or missing, should we even call it paranoia?

Felicity is not the only remaining question. I can understand why Roy didn’t know about Mia, but why didn’t Dinah? And why did Diggle? It’ll only be a few months before Felicity starts showing.  So whatever is going to happen, it's going to happen soon. So when does Dig get around to adopting Connor?  And if Connor is Diggle’s adopted son, what that hell happened to J.J.?

I enjoyed the hell out of this episode just as I’m enjoying the hell out of this season.  However, if the future we’re witnessing comes to pass, Oliver ultimately failed in his mission to save his city and after everything he’s been through, he deserves better than for that to be his legacy.

4 out of 5 mini cassettes  

Parting Thoughts:  

If everything we heard is true, I wonder if William started his quest under false pretenses.  I find it hard to believe it was Felicity that placed Lian Yu’s coordinates in the hozen.  She would have needed far more future knowledge than she appears to have.

Felicity’s fears of not being able to protect herself and her family from Diaz may have been resolved but the paranoia that Mia speaks of may be well founded.

Speaking of Diaz, the irony of him going out in a blaze of glory did not go unnoticed.  It was a fire that created the Dragon and it was a fire that destroyed him.  Is this the new version of ashes to ashes?

Is it me or are Mia and Connor about to have a very pointed conversation about trust and lies?

Dante said Bell was one of the many installed at A.R.G.U.S.  Do it detect a whiff of Hydra?

If Diggle takes the fall for Lyla, can he still work with Team Arrow at the SCPD?

Quotes:

Rene: “Listen, I’m not trying to get in the middle of any family drama.” Oliver: “Too late.”

Diggle: “You’re supposed to be training.  Not trying to kill each other.” Cupid: “Aww.  Why you got to ruin all the fun.”

William: “So where do we start?” Mia: “Yeah. I’m not looking for any kind of family reunion here, bro.” William: “Oh, I am sorry Sis. But I have come too far to get sidelined now.”

China White: “So our first mission is a meeting.  That is way below our pay grade.” Cupid: “Wait, we’re getting paid?”

Laurel: “Trust me.  I would be thrilled to see his head explode, but is it really worth the consequences?" Felicity: “Yes it is worth every consequence. I have to protect my family.” Laurel: “By family you mean you, Oliver, and your baby?” Felicity: “What, are you psychic now?”

Mia: “You guys are just junkies looking for a hero fix.”

Diaz: “Once Dante figures this all out, and he will, you all will be wishing for the mercy of a quick death.”

Laurel: (to Felicity) “I don’t know if you noticed but you’re kind of a badass.”

Oliver: “There’s a right way and a wrong way to do this.” Emiko: “The only thing I’ve done wrong, is to think that I could ever trust you.“

Felicity: “I thought Dante was the objective.” Diggle: “He is the objective.  Just not the priority.”

Emiko: “I didn’t realize Oliver Queen did apologies.”

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape.

[toasttz]

Photon Breaker Zechs: Through the Window

The following is a side-novel to Photon Breaker Zechs, a fantastic little tale being told over at my bro's blog dietaku.tumblr.com - where a bunch of plucky misanthropes get thrown into an MMORPG. My story is to be considered side content and, in the event of anything coming off as contradictory, assume that PBZ proper is canon over Through the Window. Lastly, depending on response, this may get moved to its own independent space. Either way, please enjoy! Photon Breaker Zechs: Through the Window Chapter 1: Video games can teach you about yourself I was seriously in over my head. I had gotten cocky and now, it looked like that was going to cost me my life. I stood, back to a row of trees that may as well have been a damned wall, taking stock of the rapidly approaching wolves – each nearly the size of a horse – surrounding me. I lifted my nearly-broken hammer in both hands, having lost my shield some time before during the chase that left me winded and unable to focus. Even were I able to do enough damage to open a path to flee, and assuming my hammer wouldn't just break like a brittle twig, it would do me no good at this point as both my strength and my supplies were tapped. My body was tense, my heart pounding a million miles an hour. It was do-or-die time. Mustering the last ounce of Spirit, I summoned up a manly shout of defiance in the face of impending doom, “Lee-roy—!!!” A sudden, deafening barrage of explosions caused me to hesitate as bodies of the massive wolves were sent sailing aside like mere ragdolls under an intense burst of fire from a source not immediately obvious to me. After forcing my eyes open from reflexively flinching shut, I saw a tall, radiant woman rush into sight, revolvers akimbo, opening fire into the furry fiends. Our mutual foes were soon but a memory as she holstered her weapons and flashed a bucktoothed grin at me, “That was close, wasn't it?!” I let out a sigh and leaned back in my faux-leather office chair, allowing my hands to come off the mouse and keyboard as I felt my tension fade away. My avatar on-screen was left with a meager 43 HP left and nearly-destroyed equipment after a long, maze-like dungeon had seriously done a number on my ego and my supply of HP and Spirit potions. Catching my breath, I opened the in-game chat client and shot back, “Thanks. I owe you one, FluffyStar,” “No sweat, Windowz,” she replied through text, executing the 'excited waving' emote animation, instilling a chuckle from me, “Would you like some help?” “Sounds good. Let's get out of here, my gear is nearly scrap metal,” I explained as she motioned for me to follow. We formed a party so we could properly share experience points and gold coins and she kindly escorted me back to the main town, Strattburg. It all started some time before our lives changed forever at the hands of a mere game. Slidelands was the game to play back then, a massive multiplayer online role playing game, or MMORPG. The game was a genuine worldwide smash hit phenomenon, and received regular expansion packs nearly every year since its launch nearly 15 years ago. My friend, Seamus, a younger guy I met by chance, invited several of his friends, including me, into the fold. Citing a lack of anything better to do, due to a job that involved me getting home in the dead of night and a dash of insomnia, I began to play the game regularly. The first steps of playing a game of this sort is to create your character, as opposed to playing a pre-set hero character – hence 'role playing' game. Also as opposed to games where you don't play a role, I guess. Think those are called 'movies' or 'modern JRPGs' but I digress. The game had disgustingly comprehensive depths for both mechanical and aesthetic customization. My friend, Dieter, literally spent over two hours just on how his character – Deegal – would ultimately look (and about ten minutes on her abilities). After picking your gender and a screenname, I was prompted to pick my “Tron”, class, and race. Slidelands's major selling point, back in the day, was how your characters could pick any of the four Trons (Proton, Neutron, Electron, and Photon) and one from over 30 Class combinations for different stats and abilities. Then you picked a race from out of over 20 options which further changed your growths and native passive specialties. Guides that run longer than dictionaries exist online with intricate detailings of precise, specialized “optimal” builds. However, I opted to cut my own path and designed a character that would be both fun to play and help in team settings – which the game heavily revolved around courtesy of a series of mechanics that were both ill-explained and near-mandatory for making any real progress in the game's story. My character, Windowz, was a Proton-Bunker from the Loppo – or rabbit-man – tribe. I was pleased with his incredibly tall stature and stout, upside-down triangle of a body. I knew from the start I planned to do some heavy-duty damage and be able to take a lot in return, so I was playing the game within about fifteen minutes of concerted effort. The first few tutorials for the game were threadbare (as was the original iteration of the game) and hardly of any use to newcomers. Seamus, or Zechs as his character was dubbed, was the one who really taught me how to play the game in earnest. The two of us made our characters and dove into the introductory quests (of which they were many) and collected our first weapons and armors. Zechs designed a Photon-Breaker which was the middle-of-the-road standard damage/speed class with no major strengths nor weaknesses. The first line of quests are what one might expect – a greeting some some plot-moving NPC who gave us some idea of location – Strattburg as that is where all adventurers begin the game. “Welcome, brave heroes of a far-off land!” the village elder prompted us as we loaded in, “To Strattburg! Where big adventures start! We thank you for coming to us in our hour of need! We have reason to believe you're the chosen ones we've awaited all this time!” “Never mind the millions of 'chosen ones' running around the server already,” Seamus chuckled over the voice chat. “Yeah, running around spouting poorly-spelled memes and lagging the damned server down with not moving their characters out of the load zones,” I clicked my tongue dismissively. “Our first quest is to kill some random monsters just out of town,” Seamus explained, “Seems standard enough!” We formed a two-man party and went out into the grasslands, where random crow and mouse-like enemies passive nibbled at the scenery. The scenery was the idyllic hamlet one found in traditional fantasy, with pleasant breezes making the grass sway around and the monsters here largely ignored players until provoked. On the one hand, I felt a little sociopathic for just massacring these creatures with a colossal warhammer, but on the other, if some random, faceless, nameless NPC tells me it's for humanity's collective benefit and offers payment, who am I to argue with them? Time wore on into the early hours of the morning. “Ah, this has been fun, but I need to get to bed,” Seamus admitted, due in some part to him being in a different time zone than I. “I'm gonna stay and grind a few more levels,” I explained, “I think the town is tapped for quests for now, so where should I go to power-level?” “Well, there's a forest not far from here that most everyone does some fighting in. That should get you started,” he explained simply. “Sounds good. See ya later, dude,” “Yeah, see ya next time, Jake,” Seamus bid me farewell before signing off. As I already said: I worked weird shifts and didn't sleep well at night, so I typically would play well into the early morning and sleep until my shift in the afternoons. So I decided to take my friend up on his advice as I headed into the forest and found the meager squirrel-like Critters small fodder under my tremendous hammer blows. It wasn't particularly fun to pick on the weaklings and I soon set for deeper into the forest for greater challenge. Whereupon I was beaten to near-death by the crazed wolves that lived near the forest's center, necessitating my rescue from some random stranger playing a Loppo woman. Thankfully, I survived the encounter, however narrowly, and soon we were back in the safety of Strattburg, where monsters couldn't spawn in. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know something,” FluffyStar said to me. “What's that?” “Your build is awful. Like, seriously. Did you plan it at all or did you just throw random bits together and hope for the best?” she verbally unloaded, “You should've played a Taurigante or a Zorren,” “Whoa, hey, c'mon. I had a strategy!” I swiftly protested. It's not that I couldn't change classes – players can do that any time they want so long as they're okay with starting said new class at level 1 again – it's that I didn't want to. “Was the strategy dying and not making any real progress?” she jabbed again, “Have you even played this game before?” “Literally, not before today,” I confessed my ignorance, “I thought the dexterity and luck of the Loppo would help me with the heavy weapons Bunkers wield and not make my build so loppo-sided,” I quipped. “I...” she began again before pausing to consider it, “That's not a bad idea, I guess. It's not really meta material, though. Maybe it's an experiment worth conducting... not sure I've seen it done before,” “Okay, so yeah,” I desperately attempted to float my side of the conversation, “Let me run my experiment with a little less venom, yeah?” “I don't have any poison weapons, sorry,” FluffyStar offered. I was kind of at a loss on that one as I couldn't tell if she was serious or not, “Maybe you'd like some assistance in level grinding?” “Sure. Can't sneeze at someone as powerful as you helping!” I chuckled. As any gamer worth their salt would attest: the greatest rewards in an RPG are loot and experience points. Quests being the best through-line to this end, most players end up staying more or less on the railroad that is the early story missions. Fortunately, for nerds like me who find the storylines in MMORPGs interesting, it also included storyline quests that taught us about the world, which I enjoyed completing and reading about. Seamus actually blew well past where I was because I wanted to read their flavor text and learn more about the game world, and he just wanted to hit things with his sword. Before I knew it, FluffyStar and I had played well into the morning and sleep started to overcome me. “This has been fun,” I relented, feeling the weight of my eyelids as I typed into the game's text chat window, “But I need to crash,” “Will you be on tomorrow night?” FluffyStar pried. “Yeah, probably. After I get back from work, I will,” “Great,” she punctuated, “Let me add you to my friends list, so I can see when you arrive,” Ah, the dreaded social systems these games are known for. Elegant in their simplicity and yet sufficient enough to drive those like my good buddy Dieter berserk with fury. Slidelands has many to its name and pioneered many – shall we call them – intricate systems into the core mechanics of the game as a result. Put bluntly: you were not expected to play this game as a lone wolf against all odds. Because of the game's heavy social bent, enemies scale slightly faster than their in-game level suggests, forcing players to team up or be unable to keep up with the progression in difficulty and this infuriated some of my close friends, namely the aforementioned Dieter and another friend, Cog. Who is Cog? Well, he thankfully avoided the fate that we did but not for the best of reasons. He actually played the game a few years before us, whereupon he played the robot race – the Teknos – and discovered that their crowd-dispersal Chaingun Riptide ability could be used to attack fellow players, even if they were in safe zones. So he, having grown bored within his first few minutes of play, parked his character in a field just outside of Strattburg's safe zone and killed unsuspecting new players as they left for 30 minutes – before the server admin banned him for life with no chance at appeal or refund. Not a week later, a hotfix patch went live, removing the Teknos from the game entirely, accompanied by an apology from the game developers and a small cache of Platinum Gems – the premium currency the game uses. Far as I know, it was the only time content was actually removed from the game. But I digress. “Thanks,” I said, seeing Fluffy's name appear in the roster alongside of Zechs and Deegal's, “I appreciate the tutelage,” “I'm just saying: it's not too late to go back and make a better-optimized tank race character,” Fluffy cautioned. I chuckled, “And do the same thing everyone else is doing? Where would the fun in that be?” “You only play for fun?” “Sure do. Isn't that what everyone does?” I offered. “Never thought of it that way before,” she responded after a brief moment of dead air. I didn't really take it to heart, as I was already half-dead with fatigue. The next day went by like oh so many others, coping with my job and commute, before returning home again to my computer. My beautiful hardwood desk and custom-ordered PC tower each cost me a mint in their own respective days. Together, they made up the centerpiece of my tiny studio apartment, and where I spent almost all of my time not dedicated to my eight-hours-a-day grind. And I take this time aside to say that that's not strange or pathetic at all. Shut up. In days to come, FluffyStar taught me just how complex the game actually was in its wellspring of potential customization and timesinks of grinding levels and growth trees and individual talent skills and much more. Not to mention the minigames. In what seemed like no time at all, she even invited me into her guild – The Night Owls. Being part of a guild – particularly one as active as The Night Owls – is really quite the experience. You never look far for parties (teams of up to six players who share all dropped exp and loot) and you end up developing some really cool strategies with others – a tendency Dieter referred to as “slightly more preferable than a violent death by rusty guillotine”. And here I thought I didn't much care for the company of others, but the owls took me in as one of their own. Well, sort of at any rate. “Whoa,” said one nearly-naked avatar as he eyeballed my towering, heavily-armored hero, “This isn't meta-standard at all!” I was as intrigued by his design as he was by mine, but for different reasons. His character was a nearly nude Floof clan male (the first I'd seen in my playtime), clad in a questionable banana hammock, a flowing, pink silk scarf, and a plush doll of a blue whale sitting atop his mane of dark hair. While idling, the character, NeekuthePantsless, would fold his arms across his chest and grin smugly, his long, bushy tail switching from side to side proudly, as if aware how indecent he appeared to be and basking in it. “This game is primarily player versus environment,” I protested, “How is there even a metagame at all?” “How can you even ask something like that?!” Neeku was astonished and annoyed at my exceeding ignorance (or sheer reluctance) on the topic of turning a video game into algebra homework, “The tank meta is so yesterday. Get with it, Windows! Everyone knows the current meta to beat is ProDoZoa!” I was relieved that, being physically removed from this number-crunching scrub, they were unable to hear my deep sigh that carried with it my intense distaste for meta-gamers, e-sports, and speedrunners of all stripes. I returned with an emotionally neutral, “Oh?” “Proton-Dozer Zorren Dual-Wielder,” FluffyStar interjected, “It's the highest physical DPS class in the game so far!” “Right, because just having the 'best' stats makes a game fun, right?” I growled my reply with disdainful, but equally-unseen keystrokes, “Gimme a break,” “He doesn't even know the ProDoZoa meta, Fluffy, are we sure we want this guy in the guild?” Neeku observed, either unaware or unbothered by my seeing it in the public chat. “It's an interesting experiment. I'm curious to see how strong he can be with it,” FluffyStar shook her head coolly, her long rabbit ears waving side to side limply as she did so. Neeku shrugged at this, “Okay. So, what level are you at, Window-man?” “Currently, I'm level 32,” I explained. In a way I sort of felt as though I was boasting. Most games of this type maintained levels that capped out at 80-100, so being one-third of the way through as quickly as I was even with my casual play style made me a little smug. “Oh geez,” Neeku worried, “We got... quite a ways to go then,” Feeling my pride called into question I had to ask, “Wait, so, what level are you guys?” Looking above them, I saw their nametags and basic stats appear in turn. FluffyStar, Neutron Drifter, Level 11,847 NeekuthePantsless, Electron Despoiler, Level 498 “What the actual hell?” I grunted as I re-read the numbers to ensure I hadn't lost my mind. I hesitated as I considered what I was looking at. I had seen the oft-repeated memes concerning just how grind-heavy SlideLands was, but this seemed incomprehensible. You can level your character, your skills (of which there are an insane amount), your subclasses (which also tie into skills to some extent), late-game armor and weapons, pets, and more, but to have a five-digit level cap? And who's to say at this point that it isn't higher than that?! My pride sufficiently deflated at this, I resumed typing, “I see. You must really like this game,” “That I do,” FluffyStar affirmed. “You're not allowed to do raid boss battles until you're at least level 100,” Neeku informed me, “So, how about I take you out to the Glass Desert and get you up to snuff. If you're going to insist on that suboptimal build?” “I insist,” I grit my teeth. My actual teeth – the set he couldn't see, obviously. “Ugh. But... the meta!” Neeku whined at me. “Neeku, just do it,” FluffyStar insisted. “Fine, fine. Follow me and, whatever you do, do not aggro anything,” Neeku demanded of me. “Glass Desert? I thought I couldn't go into really high-level plates though?” I wondered aloud as we walked. “If you're in-party with someone of a high enough level, I can taxi you to some places you'd otherwise be unable to go on your own. Of course, there are some hard limits. You couldn't get to half the places Fluffy can go, even if she tried to take you there herself. But we'll get this little power-leveling session out of the way and maybe you won't hold us back too much,” Neeku explained. I struggled to discern if I was supposed to be offended by that or not. “Thank you,” I managed. So we went, a plate far to the west of Strattburg's, where I got tucked into a small corner of the map, hidden in the shadow of a rock outcropping amidst the sand dunes. My character stood by idly as, within seconds, I had suddenly jumped several levels all in one go as Neeku's character deftly wiped out monster after monster. All common-tier, of course, since we didn't want to go anywhere that would put me in real danger. In SlideLands, monsters appear in one of five basic tiers: Common, Named, Boss, Raid, and Mega Raid. Common enemies – as the name might suggest – were the ones you would encounter commonly, whereas Named enemies spawn randomly amidst their common brethren for sudden bursts of challenges. Boss monsters usually sat in preset locations on the map and awaited challengers and usually were taken on in full parties of five or six heroes. Raid monsters were super-bosses, residing only in the game's toughest challenges: the dungeons. Raid monsters are much stronger than any other type even if they share the same level – as the name implies several teams full of adventurers pour in their collective skills to defeat these sorts of dungeons and their respective Raid-Boss monsters for high-tier loot. Mega Raids, at this point, I had only seen video of online and they require hundreds of active, high-level players to coordinate fairly well to defeat. Meanwhile, the common practice Neeku had begun undertaking with me, power leveling, was often done to build up new characters to expedite the process so they can play with their friends. My exact feelings on this are a bit mixed, due to my actually appreciating the lore of the game, but at the same time – a leg up this mild couldn't possibly make that big a difference if the max level were something obscene like 99,999 or something even greater than that. In no time, I crested level 200 and Neeku had grown bored with making short work of the local wildlife – and I had grown equally so with this exercise. “Alright, now, take that extra gold and buy yourself better armor. With that, you should be... passable, at least,” Neeku relented his first unambiguous praise upon me and my rabbit-man. “I appreciate the boost,” I admitted. We began making movements towards the exit, but the world around us began to shake, “Wait, what's that?” “We need to run, rookie!” Neeku demanded. “What's happening?” I asked again. “You weren't pushing anything this whole time, right?” “Right, but why?” “It's an anti-idle boss! Damn, I forgot about those!” Neeku hurriedly explained. I'd later learn that, in order to stop excessive camping in certain spots, players who sat in inactive states for long spans of time without any actions taken would summon unusually powerful boss creatures to weed them out. This was apparently a conscious decision to help with server load balancing and to punish idlers and, presumably, people who were doing precisely what we were doing. My mind raced with possibilities: being in the desert biome meant that it was likely something tough, but stylized – perhaps a giant scorpion would be fitting? Or for more of a fantasy flare, it may be a dragon with cacti growing from its hides, I considered. Perhaps the dev staff were fans of British comedy and we'd soon be accosted by a giant, bloodthirsty desert hare. But to my surprise it was none of those things. “Is that a giant crab riding on the back of a giant turtle?” I managed to hastily type in, “Do you need help with this?” “Damn! The King Crustaseanoid and his Regal Terra-pinner!” Neeku declared, “I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure even I got this one, newb!” “Actually, that should be a Queen Crustaseanoid. Male crabs have a triangular shell on their underbelly, while this one is rounded,” I observed. “That's... really not helping!” he took the time out to turn his character to stare mine down coldly. “Sorry,” “Alright, dumbass, stand back and try not to piss anything else off in the meantime!” Neeku ordered, brandishing a strange set of orbs attached to a long staff that I figured must be his weapon of choice. Neeku's avatar whooped with delight as he began bashing the legs of the turtle monster as I backed a safe distance away and quickly took in what new abilities I had unlocked in my sudden leveling-marathon to see if anything I had could help. “Eat balls, turtle!” Neeku challenged, causing me to glance up from my submenu to eyeball this sad, strange man who was really holding his own quite well despite his initial hesitations. After watching this go a bit and seeing that he was easily winning the damage race, I began to relax – this was well in hand despite the strange taunts he issued the idle boss. However, my calm demeanor was shattered when, upon seeing the turtle's HP hit 0, which should have brought the fight to a close, the crab leaped down from its perch and began attacking Neeku – and doing a ton more damage than the turtle could have dreamed of doing. “This is precisely what I was afraid of!” Neeku declared, “I'm running low on Spirit. I'm using it faster than I'm regenerating it! Hope you're ready to see what dying looks like in this game, newb!” A sharp, jabbing feeling crept up within me. It was, technically, my fault we were in this mess. I had to do something. Then I noticed it – an ability in my submenu. Black Iron Castle – a defensive technique that renders the user both invincible and immobile for 8 seconds and draws all nearby enemies' hostility (commonly called aggro) to the user. My class, the Bunker, had just the tool for the job after all. “Hey, Neeku! On my mark, make a run for it!” I ordered, as I watched his health swiftly falling. “You got a plan?!” he shot back. “Something like that, yeah,” I typed as quickly as I could. The cooldown on the ability was a devastating 12 minutes. In terms of active-time combat, that was several eternities atop one another. We'd have one shot to do this just right and if Neeku hesitated at all, the body count would still be two. “No time like the present then!” I declared, “Run, Neeku!” I said, watching my character take on a dark hue and a metallic sheen. I lost the ability to move or use other abilities, but it worked like a dream: the crab lost all interest in the near-dead Neeku and turned to my hero, slashing with its massive pincers as a long string of zeroes appeared above his head, the damage failing to find a home. I admit I didn't have a plan past that. The Bunker only does two things particularly well, and that's anger enemies and take hits. With this handy new tool in my kit, I was at least able to repay Neeku his kindness and cut the casualties in half. As soon as it hit me, maybe even just the one time, I would die. I'd lose anything in my public pouch – a large bag where dungeon loot is placed prior to the player being able to hide it safely in a permanent storage or bank – and half the gold on my character, on top of a small cut to my gained experience points and lastly, be whisked away the nearest cathedral to respawn and begin again. Granted, that would be pretty much every item I had that wasn't currently equipped and quite a bit of time's worth of gold, but I resolved to think better of the situation. I helped someone, so the goal I set out to accomplish was complete. I folded my hands across my stomach and leaned back in my chair and awaited the inevitable. However, much to my surprise, the inevitable never came. I glanced up again after the time for the buff expired only to see a dead crab, upside-down and legs crumpled inward like a squashed spider. My adventurer was very much alive. I leaned towards my monitor to study what had changed, only to see FluffyStar coolly walk into the scene once again. “That was close. I wasn't sure my EarthRock Magnum would kill it completely in one hit, but it did!” she 'said' in the chat, “Are you two okay?” “We are now,” Neeku observed. Letting out a small sigh of relief, I typed back at last, “Yeah. Thanks again!” “Don't mention it. You're a Night Owl in your own right now!” Fluffy commented. The adventure for the evening more or less ended not long after that encounter. Neeku went around the guild building – a space players create and customize for their guildmates – telling everyone about how he toppled an idle boss with only a minor lift from Fluffy. Somehow in his retelling, my saving his nearly-naked butt was left out, but I didn't feel the need to correct him. Tanks and supports don't fill the roles they perform for glory, fame, or adoration – that's what bastard DPS players do. It wasn't long after that our once tight-knit crew began to come apart at the seams. It happened shortly after Fluffy up and disappeared after boasting about her conquest of some high-level quest. One by one, our players began to wander off. Unfortunately, so did I. I got a new job that paid better and had more consistent hours, but it forced me to work mornings, so I rarely got the chance to see anyone from back then. Before I knew it, I sort of fell off from playing the game entirely. There were other games to play, other social groups I interacted with, and other obligations for me to handle. I even had a date set for one particular weekend. I would tell you how it went, if only I had been in attendance myself. I didn't stand her up, though. I woke up one morning, lying at the far edge of a ramshackle town. I stood up slowly, encumbered by the presence of heavy-duty solid steel plate armor covering my every side. Which is strange as I shouldn't need to clarify that I have never in my life slept in such garb. I looked down at my hands, which were massive and covered in equally massive metal gauntlets. I placed one to the side of my head to check for injury but grabbed ahold of a colossal bucket-styled helmet shielding it. I took a step back, physically shocked as the realization fell on me. I looked around me at what was unmistakably Strattburg. The NPCs were there. The random adventurers from all the different clans were present and accounted for. Even the random chickens which used to be background objects clucked merrily along their way as they pecked at the ground in search of feed. “No, this isn't real,” I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes, attempting to will myself awake from this lucid dream I found myself in. Then opened them to see the fantasy land again. I was aware of my own breathing, and my avatar's gear, and the uncomfortable truth of the situation made itself known to me: I was trapped in an MMORPG.

[the-sultan-of-strange]

So! Tonight I had the most intensely terrifying night of probably my entire life. :)

Because, see, today is the first day of the spring semester so I went to bed completely pent up and unable to sleep. I kept tossing and turning around in bed for hours, trying my hardest to fall asleep but unable to because my mind was too noisy.

So at one point, about two hours before I have to wake up, I decide "fuck it" and reach for my phone to dick around on Tumblr until I have to wake up. And I'm already feeling awful about not sleeping any tonight because I really need my sleep and I always start feeling like I failed at life if I miss a night of sleep, but then it starts becoming more and more evident that something is off.

First off, total fucking silence, no trains in the distance, no barking dogs, nothing, only my breathing, the shuffling of the bedsheets and the occasional voices coming from my phone that I definitely did not tell it to produce. The voices are female, and sound like they're quietly speaking in a choir, in a drawn-out chanty way.

At this point I'm still in denial, so I just quietly wait and pray until they go away and I hope it was just a video I forgot to mute.

Also, I'm having this clawing feeling in the back of my head that I'm completely alone.

See, I live with my mom, stepdad and my maternal grandparents in the house, it's dead middle of the darkest night I've ever experienced, and there I am absolutely convinced that there's nobody else in the house than me, the darkness and the voices from my phone. And my brain comes to the conclusion that since they obviously wouldn't just go out in the middle of a dark winter night, that leaves that either something quietly took them or they never existed in the first place.

This of course prompts more denial so I dive right back into Tumblr, more voices, more waiting for it to be over, more scrolling further and further in a dashboard that becomes increasingly repetitive as it goes on, with the same ominous phrase popping up in the captions under seemingly unrelated posts. Sometimes in text, sometimes said by the voices. I don't remember what  the phrase was, but it disturbed me to a point where I was ready to start screaming at nothing out of sheer anxiety.

At this point almost my entire dash is composed of nothing but one post repeating ad infinitum. It's an image that looks like it was taken with a forest trail cam at night. It's a group of women or girls, wearing short-sleeved nurse scrubs and surgical masks. Their hair is done up in identical hairdos, kind of like bobcuts but slicked back and stretching out to the back. I don't remember their faces. I'm not sure they had faces.

Each iteration of the post is this one single photo, captioned with the phrase. Sometimes there are voices, sometimes there aren't. Occasionally I come across a post that isn't this one post, so I keep scrolling in hopes that I find more normal posts. I do, but there's always more of the one post. The more I scroll the worse it becomes. At one point I put on my headphones and try to listen to some music, but it's drowned out by some sort of garbled noise that feels like the worst thing I have ever heard.

Eventually it gets so bad I'm reduced to just lying on the bed and staring into the darkness while my phone talks in voices (somehow my eyes couldn't get used to the darkness like usually, it was all pitch black aside from the part of my bed lit up by the phone screen). I feel like I'm inches away from snapping and starting to scream.

Then the voices slowly die down, and then a few seconds or minutes later (I'm not even sure anymore) I'm scared to death by an extremely loud male voice going "HEY DUDE" from the phone.

I pick up the phone and look at the screen. It's a Hangouts video chat, somehow, even though it didn't ring, it just kinda started on its own. The voice is one of my internet friends’ (let’s call him M), which is odd since I have never heard his voice but I immediately recognize it as his voice. The face is also M's, which is even odder since I have seen his face and that's definitely not his face. These are all things I realized later since at that moment I was so overjoyed at having someone talk to that I didn't think about 1. how did this person start talking to me without ringing my phone, 2. how is he M when he looks nothing like him and 3. how did I recognize a voice I've never heard before.

Thinking about it later, the only similarity between M's face and the one on my screen was that both are black. M is a black guy, and so is the man staring at me from my phone screen. But looking at his image for a little bit, I noticed that his skin wasn’t right. It was way too shiny. Like, oil slick shiny. Sure, he had the facial structure of a black person, but his skin looked like someone methodically smeared an even layer of tar over it to make it look black. It was like his face was real, but his skin was not.

By the time I assessed his face from closer up, I have processed that the person I’m talking to is not, in fact, my internet friend M. And at this point it clicks in me that this is not all random. There’s a system to it. There’s a logic to it. The image of the weird nurses, the female choir of voices, the anxiety-inducing unknown sentence, and not-M cheerfully saying hello to me with his tar-textured false face. There is some sort of logic holding these things together, though I cannot for the life of me figure out what kind of logic.

And I get the vague conviction that this logic belongs to something. Something that is observing me.

Anyway, my conversation with not-M lasted only a few seconds, and consisted only of three sentences, but it was minutes for me. I took it surprisingly casually, probably because my brain decided to ignore how fake and wrong everything about this situation was because finally talking to an apparent human person trumped that. Maybe it was that. It’s also possible that I was simply too deep into denial to care anymore.

So talk we do.

He asks "hey man, what are you doing", and I reply "nothing much". Then I remember I have to wake up in 1-2 hours depending on how much time (if any) actually passed since I turned on my phone, so I add: "But you know, I should be in bed right now."

And in the exact moment I spoke those words, my morning alarm went off.

I was lying in bed, it was morning and my phone was lying right next to me on the pillow, exactly where I picked it up from to go on Tumblr.

As it turns out, I dreamt the whole fucking thing from the moment I "turned on" my phone. My asshole brain just simply didn't feel the need to notify me that I had, in fact, fallen asleep, and instead chose to project me into a dark and uncanny knockoff of my bedroom which then proceeded to methodically break down into a surreal unreality around me, while I believed it to be the real, waking world all the while. No shrieking nightmare monster can compare to the sheer horror and anxiety of a world that is just a little bit not right.

Moral of the story: liminal spaces ain't your fucking friend. I tried it out tonight, and I think I had an encounter with a Lovecraftian psychological parasite created by my own brain that feeds on uncomfortableness, anxiety and fear.

Oh and also, in case you forgot, the two hours spent in this surreal psychological horrorscape were the only two hours I’ve slept tonight. Funtimes. :)

[boztradamus]

It doesn’t feel like it was all that long ago that I made the decision to go back to school and pursue my master’s. And yet, here I am, writing up my final assignment before heading to Orlando to graduate. These past 12 months have taught me a lot, not only about the art of design, but about myself and what my creative strengths are.

Mastery was a great way to get back into the mindset of being a student as making the decision to go back to school already seemed like an accomplishment. When I received my bachelor’s back in 2010, I had no intention of ever stepping foot inside another classroom. While technically I still haven’t set foot inside a classroom, the research and discussion posts helped me feel comfortable as a student again. Also, the turning point video was also a great way to flex my video editing muscles that I’d been using less and less often recently.

Defining client needs was an interesting class for me because it forced me to rethink what my creative process was. My process before this class had a very “strike while iron is hot” style, acting on whatever inspiration came to me with little forethought or planning. I was now forced to do more in depth research, using mind maps and preliminary sketches to cultivate ideas. This sudden revamp of my process proved valuable throughout the program right up to designing my thesis presentation.

Brand development finally (FINALLY) let me jump back into the programs I was comfortable in and create vector logos of the sketches I’d produced last class. As mentioned, with my attitude always being to jump in, that also meant designing in full color. This class required designing in black and white first, which made me realize that some of my ideas that seemed great in full color, didn’t work in solid black. This was a valuable lesson to learn as it forced me to rethink ideas I had throughout the program, and any ideas I have in the future as a designer.

Effective copywriting was where I felt like I really started to hit my stride in the program since I felt comfortable both with writing, as well as with designing print ads, which, to me at least, didn’t feel all that different from the posters and flyers I’d designed in the past. This newfound confidence led to some of the work I am most proud of that I produced during the MDMFA program. I was so proud and satisfied with the work that the testimonial print ads were the only project I didn’t revisit or revise when I had the opportunity revise past projects. Besides some of my best work, something else that came out of this class was the importance of looking for inspiration in everything. I remember looking at a lot of ads and headlines during this class that served as inspiration, not only in this class, but in classes to come. Saving and making note of anything that inspired my creativity is something I will probably do for the rest of my life after this class.

Design research provided me with my first taste of web design, something I’d been interested in for a long time. To make it even better, I was designing a website for a benefit concert. Being given the choice of what genre the music would be, I naturally chose my favorite style of music, heavy metal. I will never forget the extended silence that followed after Professor Argo showed my moodboards during the go-to session, which featured denim, patches, metal studs, and the image of a sea turtle in a pentagram. However, I can proudly say that a number of people that admitted to not being a fan of metal music appreciated the final design of my website. It seems that good design is good design, and I was proud to have accomplished that in spite of some of the audiences’ lack of interest in what the design was selling.

The design gods must have smiled down on me because organization structures allowed me to revisit the skill I had developed the most during undergrad, that being video editing. The first step was to design a motion graphic of a logo for the concert I’d already designed a website for. The confidence and comfort I was feeling at this point in the program allowed me to use my new-found process of research and sketching and cultivating a large number of ideas to create a logo that, a few months earlier, I wouldn’t have developed without embracing this new process. After designing the logo, it was time to jump back into After Effects and make it move before then including it in a 30 second promotional video for the concert. I was most excited to include original music I’d written in a video that the purpose was to excite and engage the audience.

Design strategies and motivation was my first opportunity to revisit and revise past projects. Having felt that my Reykjavik logos from brand development was my weakest work, that was the first project I revisited. Having spent six months improving my skills and process, I was able to see the shortcomings of my original work and create the best possible logos I could. I am proud of the new logos I designed that more clearly represent the idea I intended them to and also learned how important and beneficial continued iteration is to the design process.

Design integration is where I turned my attention back to the benefit concert work I’d done. While I liked the look of the fonts I’d used in the promotional video, they proved hard to read at the high speeds they move in the video. This forced me to reconsider most font choices and is something I’ve tried to be more conscious of going forward. Having finalized the font choices in the video, these same font changes were made to the design of the website, creating a far more readable website while still using fonts that reflect the brand.

Having finalized the design of the website, multi-platform delivery provided me the opportunity to actually build the website. I got my first taste using programs like Muse and XD as I created working versions of the desktop and mobile website. Having been interested in web design for a long time, creating these working websites was deeply satisfying and I am proud of the work I produced. The other half of the class I focused on my behance portfolio, making it look more professional. Learning to design a portfolio in a way that tells the creative story while showing off my best work is extremely valuable and proved very useful when designing my thesis presentation.

While receiving feedback from instructors and peers is always going to be useful, measuring design effectiveness was the first opportunity to see what the public thinks of my work. I was satisfied with the feedback I received from my survey. However, the feedback also showed me that there were better questions I could’ve asked and questions I could’ve omitted. This information will help in the future when I ask for feedback on work that I do, particularly if that feedback is to be in the form of a survey.

Presentation of design solution was the class this whole journey was leading to. This was where I designed my thesis presentation to prove that I indeed had the skills and knowledge to be considered a master. This class taught me the importance of clear writing when it comes to explaining my own work, which I only briefly touched on when revising my behance portfolio. While it’s great that I can design the work, clients will want to know the process of how the work was created. As mentioned, when my process was simply to create on a whim what I was inspired to create, I’ve learned how to improve my process to include a few more steps and I’ve also learned how to verbalize and rationalize the parts of the process that for me feel like nothing more than inspiration and instinct.

Professional practice is the last bridge to cross before graduation and being considered a master of media design. This class has taught me some of the ethical issues that can arise in the design industry and also how to protect yourself and your work. These are lessons that will obviously help throughout my career as a designer.

This class is also where I designed the experience map that is featured at the top. This was yet another lesson in verbalizing what happens internally, in this case, what I was feeling throughout the MDMFA program. With the project calling for a map, I was immediately inspired to create a treasure map considering my love of the western The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly which features the main characters searching for a buried treasure. I’m proud of how the experience map came out and feel that it shows how I felt as I went through the MDMFA program.

Being that this is my last assignment, I want to end this on something more than just the end of the assignment. I’m quite proud of all that I’ve accomplished these past 12 months and feel the need to say something profound that wraps up what I’m feeling. I’ve been inspired by a great many quotes from different types of people from different backgrounds. But I think the words that matter most are the immortal words of Bill S. Preston, ESQ and Ted Theodore Logan: Be excellent to each other, and part on dudes!

[technewss15-blog]

The Disgruntled Life Of A GM: An Ongoing NBA 2K18 Adventure

Here’s something you haven’t heard before: I played NBA 2K14 for the story. Seriously. I’ll even double down on my ludicrous statement by saying it offered more twists and turns than Mass Effect. If memory serves me correctly, my ball hog of a player was traded four times in a season. He didn’t play defense. He refused to pass the ball. He fired his best friend as his agent. He picked fights during practice. He wore a tiger-skin suit. He talked trash in all of his post-game press conferences. Fans voiced their displeasure in his playing style on Twitter. He lost most of the games he played in because he didn’t care.

I absolutely adored watching his career unfold. If you want to witness one of video games’ craziest stories, check out my blog that chronicles his antics, or pick up NBA 2K14 for cheap, and select the evil option whenever possible. When NBA 2K15 rolled around, I was counting the days until I had the chance to create another miserable human being, but I was told that the game didn’t have the same type of good or evil choices, and the story didn’t hit as hard. The same sentiments were echoed for NBA 2K16 and 17. I figured this year’s iteration of the game would again refrain from making a player look like an absolute monster, and I was right…kind of. NBA 2K18’s MyPlayer mode may not offer a wide variety of player-driven choices, but narrative intrigue supposedly resides in the game’s new MyGM mode.

Thus begins a chronicle of money squandering and unnecessary firings. With Andrew Reiner standing in as the new general manager of the Minnesota Timberwolves, chaos will hopefully ensue. This is his journey:

Day One: After creating a strange facial hair-free version of Andrew Reiner (in the Nintendo Switch version), I learn of my first target: Eddie Chase, the owner of the Minnesota Timberwolves. His bio makes him sound like a real pushover: “Mr. Chase is known to be a patient individual who does not have any strong feelings or needs one way or the other. He doesn’t require much of a profit nor does he expect a perennial winner. It’s widely understood that the Timberwolves position is a great entry-level position for would-be GMs.”

He doesn’t need a perennial winner or profit. I will make sure he gets neither of these things.

Six Years Ago The game then flashes back to show Reiner as a player for the Dallas Mavericks. He isn’t on the floor dunking over fools, however; he’s lying down on a medical table, holding his right knee.

“My knee – I can’t bend it. Something is… not right here. I’ve never felt this… this level of pain,” Reiner says.

The team trainer says an MRI is coming back soon, and that I should try to relax. Reiner has no idea how this could happen to him – during the playoffs of all times. As he writhes in pain, he brags about scoring 30 points in the game. The trainer corrects him and says he actually scored 36 points. Reiner once again sounds like a ball hog, and I had no control over it. Wonderful!

A doctor enters the room and tells me I suffered a full tear of the anterior cruciate ligament, as well as partial tears of the posterior cruciate ligament and collateral cruciate ligament. Doc says it’s unusual to have tears to these ligaments in the same knee, simultaneously. The collateral cruciate ligament damage is usually only seen after a direct blow to the inside of the knee. Weird. I’d love to see the play that destroyed my knee to this degree.

Back to the Present After learning that my playing career ended at that moment, I now see I am a snazzily dressed guy, with an expensive suit and what appears to be an iPhone 6. I’m on the phone with Eddie Chase. I tell him I am running late for our meeting – a great start for a GM who is ultimately here to destroy the Timberwolves’ organization from the inside. This is my first day on the job. I just have to make sure I am on location for a scheduled press conference at 2 p.m. to introduce me as the new face of the team.

When I arrive at the Timberwolves’ headquarters, Karl-Anthony Towns approaches me in the parking lot. He is quick to compliment my skills as a basketball player, and is eager to work with me. He’s kissing up. He will definitely get a raise.

Another figure then emerges from the shadows. It’s coach Tom Thibodeau, and he looks like a real a-hole. I am totally going to fire him today. Just as this plan formulates in my mind, he asks me about staffing, and I am quick to say that I haven’t thought about it yet. I counter by saying we are just in the get-to-know each other phase right now. He’s totally fired. I hate him.

Towns then makes a critical error: He sucks up to coach and says that he’s here for the players. I may have to trade Towns today. They are disgusting together. I can’t have this kind of camaraderie on my team. A question jumps into my mind: Why are they in the parking lot together? I’m convinced they are into hardcore drugs. They both have to go.

Small Talk I’m called into Chase’s office to talk about my job. He tries to talk to me about world-famous chai latte spice scones, but uses this moment to brag about making an app or something dumb.

We eventually get around to talking about basketball, and he makes the mistake of bringing up the game that ended my career. He then says “You don’t lose. I don’t lose. The fans here, they are hungry for success. The media, they are hungry for success. Every Timberwolves fan wants to read one of their columns about how great the team is. When the wins stop coming, the media starts looking for cracks. Cracks that they can exploit for stories. For clicks, whatever it is they strive for.” Did he almost call media fake news? Regardless of what they hell he is saying here, he is going to lose big by making me GM, and the media will find cracks everywhere, hopefully within days.

He tells me to be honest and open to the media, encouraging me to say what is on my mind. I plan on it. I want this chai latte jerk to know he made a mistake in hiring me, as he’s introducing me to the world. That would be delicious.

The Press Conference A reporter asks me what my plans are out of the gate. My choices are “total rebuild,” “minor tweaks needed,” and “I love where we are at.” My gut says to go with total rebuild, as the Timberwolves are clearly a playoff team on the hunt this year, and this action should make Mr. Chase swallow hard. I could also lie and say that I like how things look, but I have a feeling the game won’t read this as a fib. I select “total rebuild.”

I say not everyone will see it this way, but “I’m looking at this as a situation where we have to strip down the roster, pare it down to a core number of guys, then build it back up. From scratch, basically.” They are probably thinking I keep Towns. Nope. He’s the first to go when I get the power.

I tell the press we have a nice plan in place for getting the team where it needs to go, starting with the draft. “You can’t swing and miss there if you’re trying to build from the ground up.” I plan on selecting the slowest and least-talented player possible. He will make the most money in the league too.

I also detail plans for free agency; another well of despair that I will soon inflict upon this fan base.

When asked for the coach, I try to make out a smile, but this action makes me look like a demon. Perfect. The loser is sitting right next to me.

I’m given the options of “Confident in Head Coach,” “Need time to evaluate,” and “It’s time to move on.” You know what I selected. I’m disappointed with how I let this information out there. “First of all, I just want to say that I have nothing but respect for Tom Thibodeau. He’s a good coach and a good man. But at this time I feel it’s in the best interest of the franchise to go in a different direction. You’ll be hearing more about that as the process moves along, but right now that’s all I have to say about it.” At least I dropped a bomb on him. He didn’t see it coming.

The Next Day Thibodeau is becoming unhinged. He enters my office and drops the lamest insult possible: “Get a grip!” Whatever, man.

He then says something surprising, almost reading like a threat. “One day you’ll wake up and it’ll be just like any other day. You’ll go about your business. Maybe have a nice dinner with your wife. Then out of nowhere you’re going to be broadsided just like I was. BOOM. Just like that. And it’ll be you out on the street. It’ll be you looking like an idiot.” I’m impressed with the anger he is showing, and debate keeping him on as a “Sith Lord in training” for a brief second, but his dumb face is just too dumb for me to look at any longer. I’m hoping I can call security.

I didn’t have to. He leaves, and in enters Ed Pinckney, the assistant coach. He tells me he understands my desire for fresh blood, but says he’s been with the organization for a long time. “I know the maniacs who jump around shooting t-shirts into the crowd. I know their names. I know their families’ names. I know their birthdays and what kind of peanut butter they like. I know their comfort zones, I know their fears, and I know exactly what buttons to push.” Whoa. This guy is nuts.

He says he’s paid his dues, but I couldn’t care less. See you, Ed. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

I insult him in saying I need someone who has done it longer. He says he was hoping to become the head coach of the Timberwolves today. My firing of him has to come as a huge blow. Excellent.

I am then called into Chase’s office. He says he trusts me, but is already concerned with my actions. “This change comes as a bit of a surprise,” he adds. “I haven’t liked surprises for a long time, Andrew. A long time.”

Dude is clearly not liking me right now. I will have to waste his money quickly, as I fear my time here won’t last long. He then drifts off into his childhood for some reason, and paints himself as a real mess of a person in the process.

I have no idea what he was just trying to communicate other than establish I would never want to have him as a friend or family member. He continues to ramble. “Nothing to be done now, of course. That’s all in the past. But let’s make sure we take full advantage of this opportunity. We call it a pivot in the business world. You start off one way, but that way doesn’t work, so you try something else. You figure out what advantage you’ve got and you pivot. Then you milk every last drop out of that advantage. You wring that bad boy out till it’s bone dry.”

Holy crap, I hate this man. I hate how he talks, thinks, and looks. I inform him I have a specific coach in mind (which I don’t). I then see a screen that looks like a mess of work. A mess I will half-ass my way through.

I have no idea what I’m doing, and that’s okay. My first order of business is to rework my team’s schedule as best I can. I remove every single practice from the season schedule and replace them with rest days. Tons of rest days for everyone. This should lead to a lack of chemistry on the floor – a crippling blow to the team.

I also find the staff page and immediately begin firing everyone…harshly!

I tell my CFO that “I’m pretty sure my cat could’ve done a better job than you! Pack up your things and get outta here!” Bwahahaha! Told him! This action lowered my team morale by one point, and my trust with Nicolas Brown (who I just fired) by 56 points.

I then fire my assistant manager saying “You have been the worst sidekick in the history of sidekicks. You make the Scarecrow look like a superhero.” Whoa. A Batman reference! Love it! This firing not only lowered my team morale by five points, it also delivered one of the worst comebacks ever.

My joy may turn to dust in my mouth. That’s your response? Really? Since I don’t have a head coach or an assistant coach, I just have the head scout and trainer to fire. I’m somewhat civil with the head scout, telling him “We’re changing things around here and you’re not a part of our plans going forward. So, if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and get out, that would be terrific. Okay?” He responds brilliantly.

“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.”

I should have kept him. The team didn’t seem to care that much for him, however, with just one point in morale dropping. I tell the trainer “You’ve been canned like spam!” I regret that one, folks. My A.I.-driven dude has been pretty cool up to this line, but I can’t back that one up. The trainer rightfully threatens me.

“Tread lightly…”

Losing him results in another huge drop of five morale with the team. I now have no staff around me. We are free-falling and the season hasn’t even started. The game alerts me of the openings with a notice of “If you choose to automatically fill all vacancies, they will be filled by minimum wage coaches. Remember that the few least skilled staff free agents will always sign with you, independent of contract length and wage.”

“Minimum wage coaches” is music to my ears. Why not, right? I could always fire them if they start putting something meaningful together.

  And that’s going to conclude the first entry of this ongoing saga. I’ll be back soon with another huge update showing what happens when the season begins…

The Disgruntled Life Of A GM: An Ongoing NBA 2K18 Adventure was originally published on Tech News Center Generation