#like each time I read an analysis on it it’s different
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Tips and FAQ for Asks
Hello beautiful humans, I want to do my best to get to everyone's asks so here are a few things you can do to help make that happen! (if you're looking for the cast stream master list, skip to the bottom)
Please don't spam the same question repeatedly. I will get to you eventually, I promise! But when you submit the exact same thing multiple times, it just slows me down. I've got one single brain cell, please have mercy.
No spoiler requests. I cannot tell you anything about future episodes, when they will come out, what will happen to certain characters, how the story ends etc. We're limited on what we can say in general until more episodes release. The entire cast has signed NDAs (non disclosure agreement) preventing us from revealing anything, but more than that, we wouldn't want to ruin your experience of watching and engaging with the show organically! Trust me, just enjoy the ride, it's better that way.
Don't take anything too seriously. Please keep in mind most of these answers will just be for fun. My thoughts and opinions on the character, both for silly things like favorite dessert and more serious things like character analysis, are not hard and fast canon. Same goes for any of the actors. We can speculate about our characters, we know and understand them well, but when in doubt, assume its allllllllllllll non-canonical haha
Read through previous asks. This will help prevent asking things I've already answered. I'm going to be tagging (i swear I'll do it fr) my answers with #amanda asks and #tadc asks so you can find them more easily. If you do ask a question I've already answered IT'S OK DON'T PANIC I won't be upset haha
Even though I'll be tagging my answers so you can easily find them, here are a few frequently asked questions just to get them out of the way. If you decide to ask me something I've already answered, or something that goes against the guidelines above, I'll probably skip it, you silly geese.
Q: I've seen people use several different pronouns for you, what are your preferred pronouns? A: They/them and I prefer masc leaning terms generally! I'm queer, NB and very open about my identity. But people will sometimes use she/her because they don't know. I will never get upset with someone for not knowing- it's ok. But now that you've read this, you know! So you can go forth educated. You're welcome to correct anyone who doesn't know, but please be kind to each other. We've all been the person who didn't know before.
Q: What do you think of X ship? A: I love and support all the ships! Ships are part of a healthy fandom, keep creating content that makes you feel seen and that YOU want to see, that's the foundation of creativity. And if anyone disagrees with you, remind them that a lot of classics are just fanfiction about the gods at the time. It's always been here.
Q: What is your favorite ship? A: Bunnydoll and Buttonblossom, because the dynamics are so much fun.
Q: Do you like X AU? A: Yes. It doesn't matter what it is, yes. I love the AUs and if it's a new one, you better include a link so I can find it. I want all of them, thank you so muuuuuuuuch~
Q: Have you seen or played X game/show/movie/meme etc.? A: Always happy to chat about other media! But if you wanna ask about something specific, please include a link or explanation because lets be just so very honest, half the time my brain is off in adhd land so there's a good chance I'll have no idea what you're talking about at first.
Q: Have you watched Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure? A: Not yet! But due to VERY POPULAR REQUEST I will be putting together a watch stream to watch it live with yall. Once that's happened, I'll put the link here.
Q: Have you seen Queen's second game and will you be playing it? A: Yes, we've all seen the trailer and we're very excited! We will be playing it as a full cast, just like last time, as soon as the game is finished. For now, please go enjoy the demo and support the team! Once it's out and we're ready to stream it, I'll post the link here.
Q: Can you come to X convention? A: I will come to any convention that yall want to see me at!
BUT
In order for that to happen, you have to request me directly with the convention. Most will have either a request form on their site or a specific email for requests. Just write in that you would like to see me at their event, and then they will get in touch with my agent to book me!
Q: Can I request a song for you to sing? A: Of course! I promise yall I'll do my best to put out more songs this year. If there's a cover you want me to consider doing, or an artist/composer you'd like to hear me work with, let me know!
Outside of that, if you just want a little clip, you can drop requests in the asks and if I know the song I might record a bit. This is COMPLETELY dependent on time, especially if I'm busy. Please understand ❤️
You can also make requests during stream signings, which is easier to accommodate in the moment. Just put the request in the order notes, and I'll sing a little bit for you while I sign IF I know the song. So choose wisely.
Q: Can I write an ask just to show you cool stuff or tell you you're awesome? A: Of course you can! You can also tag me in stuff, that's ok too. I appreciate all the love and support yall have shown for me, Ragatha and the show in general. Yall are truly incredible. ❤️
Q: Do you have a PO Box so we can send you stuff? A: I'm setting it up THIS WEEK. I will post it here when it's ready.
Q: Where can I find X stream that the cast did? A: Moving forward, I will keep a master list of our group streams in order of date aired, to the best of my ability. If I miss one, let me know and I'll get it on here!
Saberspark TADC Cast Interview
Streamily Signing #1 (Amanda, Michael, Alex, Marissa)
Streamily Signing #2 (Amanda and Michael)
Streamily Signing #3 (Amanda and Sean)
Streamily Signing #4 (Amanda, Sean, Alex, Michael, Marissa, Vera, Hamish)
TADC Fan Game Stream: Game 1
Streamily Signing #5 (Amanda, Alex, Ashley, Sean, Michael, Marissa, Vera, Hamish, Wiz)
Fast Food Simulator Charity Stream (Amanda, Lizzie, Marissa, Michael, Ashley)
#amanda asks#tadc asks#tadc cast stream master list#tadc cast stream#tadc cast#tadc#ragatha#amazing digital circus#the amazing digital circus#q and a#faq
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Making a Home 🌻
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I put this caption together, so why not! Omori queer analysis time.
Now, most analysis of Omori subtext comes from the Headspace sections, and understandably so! Since it takes place in Sunny’s mind, nearly anything can be read into, because everything must serve some function within the world. Within Faraway Town — not so much! Sunny doesn’t seem to have much agency.
Except… That’s not exactly true, is it? There are over twenty sidequests, and therefore at least twenty ways Sunny makes a difference in Faraway Town before moving away, to lesser or greater extents. This can be seen most readily in Universally Loved runs, when he wakes up in his hospital room brimming with flowers from those he’s helped along the way:
Today I want to talk about the Picking Paint and Cooking sidequests. The detail that first brought this to my attention was the wallpaper selection.
It begins on 3 Days Left in Fix-It, where a newly-wed couple is struggling to choose a paint color for their new house, insisting the other one choose. It’s very cutesy and over-the-top, with custom animations showing them blowing kisses to each other.
Eventually, Sean & Karen ask Sunny to choose a paint swatch randomly, and he does so with his eyes closed, but ends up accidentally choosing a floral wallpaper sample instead.
When you visit them later, they actually have the wallpaper up throughout the entirety of the house, which is in the pink swatch, one of two on showcase in Fix-it. The other is… you guessed it! The wallpaper from Basil’s house.
If you go outside into the garden area directly after this, you’ll also be able to see Basil as a memory vision, as well as the flower Sean & Karen gift to Sunny should we finish this sidequest.
(Note: Despite my best efforts, I couldn't determine exactly what kind of flower this was meant to depict, if anything specific).
As you may guess, my proposal here is that even with his eyes closed, Sunny has an instinctual draw to Basil, and things Basil likes. I don’t mean this in a literal psychic sense, but in more of a symbolic way — perhaps even implying that Sunny understands his feelings better on a subconscious level, when he’s not actively looking at them.
Now this is somewhat shoddy evidence on its own, so let’s keep digging.
The reason this stuck out to me is because flowers are usually mentioned in Omori in tandem with Basil. So much so Basil & Flowers might as well be synonymous (and according to the names of the beta characters, once were!)
Obviously, Basil is associated with his flower garden in Headspace, and particularly Stranger's line comparing Sunny to white tulips on the path to Basil's house is often interpreted as having romantic undertones. There's even other official art based off of this line, where if you look very closely at the base of the tulip, it reads: "143. I love you, I love you, I love you".
But even within the main cast's dialogue, flowers are mentioned about 50 times, with 65% of these mentions being spoken by or related to Basil in some way. Many of Mari’s are about the flower puzzle sidequest �� which is arguably also related to Basil, as it is initiated by a character named Daisy, and the only Headspace sidequest you can activate while Basil is in your party (not my original observation: read more about that here!)
The majority of Hero’s mentions are about buying flowers for his mother in the main plot. Disregarding these exceptions, it brings the Basil-flower correlation up to 95%!
Sean & Karen then invite us to their housewarming party. They explain they have recently moved in together, but that both of them are from Faraway Town.
We know this to be true, because this pair actually has Headspace counterparts, implying Sunny would have known them from years before.
Enter: Shawn & Ren!
Similar to Daisy, you can find these two at the playground, and they’re some of the only Headspace NPCs you can interact with while Basil is still in your party.
Throughout the game, they are always found next to each other, and they are even some of the only characters in the game to have a shared dialogue box. It’s not just Shawn and Ren, it’s Shawn and Ren.
Clearly, these two have always been close enough in real life for Sunny to make this observation and consider them a matching pair, even though they’re only now moving in together nearly four years later. In my interpretation, I consider them childhood sweethearts.
Coincidentally, they also give Omori the Observe skill. This skill is granted after laying down to stargaze with them. Recently, an acquaintance of mine mentioned they thought these two had similarities to the legend of Tanabata, or Star Festival. The story of Tanabata is about a pair of star-crossed lovers — a Weaver Princess and a Cow Herder.
Ren doesn’t seem to have much in common physically with the Weaver Princess, other than wearing a Japanese-inspired outfit similar to Mari’s, but Shawn distinctly has horns and ears attached to the sides of his head. While the wiki lists these as goat features, I think they’re much more reminiscent of a cow, with horns that grow out in a crescent shape rather than curving straight up and back.
There’s not much else to go off of, but considering Omori notably uses other Japanese folklore as inspiration for Headspace characters, it’s also not an impossible stretch. We don’t know why Shawn and Ren might have been considered star-crossed (or perhaps that’s a romantic daydream Sunny came up with himself!), but there are very notable reasons Sunny & Basil might be, including being the same sex in a small town in the 1990’s, and the complexities of their history together.
Shawn & Ren can also be found in the lobby area of the Last Resort. They’re noticeably on screen during the sequence in which Aubrey and Kel create the Bad Drawing of Basil in an attempt to continue the search for him.
That’s the last of Shawn & Ren’s appearances in the final release of Omori, but it’s also worth noting that these characters existed even in the early concept art of Headspace:
This shows to me that they have significance beyond the "random NPC made to fill out Headspace". In the 2018 Demo, there also existed sprites of Shawn & Ren that didn’t make it into the final game:
Notably, they’re depicted holding a jump rope between them. Presumably, this was removed to censor certain allusions to The Truth too early, similar to the Noose Room being removed, or the first half of Basil’s VHS tape, etc. The jump rope here is purple, like all of the jump ropes in the final game, probably to not stick out against the Headspace landscape. However, the jump rope in early Omori art was bright red:
We know that Sunny & Basil are described as being “tied together by a string of fate”. Of course, the true “string”, or I should say “rope”, that ties them together is The Truth, as they are the only two who know, and are irreparably changed because of it.
The “red string of fate” comes from Chinese mythology and typically describes soulmates. I’m certainly not the first to make the connection between the jump rope and the red string of fate, as lots of popular fanart can attest to.
But wait — are they star-crossed lovers then, or are they soulmates? Aren’t these two concepts opposites? One describes a couple who is destined to be true to each other for eternity, and one describes a couple whose future together has been impeded by the stars themselves.
Well, I submit my theory: Sunny & Basil are star-crossed soulmates. They can’t exist without each other, because they’re the only two in the world who truly understand each other, but they can’t exist together, because of the traumatic and delicate nature of their history.
Finally, we come back to Faraway Town and the second sidequest involving Sean & Karen. We show up to their homecoming party a little earlier than invited on One Day Left, and now we have Hero and Aubrey tagging along. (I definitely recommend this sidequest if you haven’t done it yourself already, as it is very heartfelt!)
In the cooking portion, the four of them all divvy up tasks like they presumably used to when they were friends — except one of the group is missing. Well… two actually. And seeing them all back together like this, Basil’s absence is even more apparent:
Later in the evening, we return for the party, and Karen welcomes us in:
It’s a housewarming party, so her dialogue requesting we “make ourselves at home” only makes sense here… but there’s someone else who has said this to us before...
In fact, there's someone else who is repeatedly associated with the word “home” in Omori...
The last one even explicitly refers to Basil’s “flowers back at home”, bringing us full circle.
Sean & Karen bought a house together, but until they added the final, floral touch (with Sunny’s help!), it wasn’t a home.
Sunny’s home is wherever Basil is.
In conclusion: Sunny choosing floral wallpaper is an intentional thematic choice, and Sean & Karen’s relationship not only embodies the typical childhood sweethearts love story to contrast Sunny & Basil’s more complex relationship, but also represents the overwhelming affection for Basil that Sunny doesn’t know how to express or even acknowledge.
And also they definitely move in together post-canon.
( visuals from the omori wiki, dialogue dump, & the omori let's play by reallyqueerchristmas )
Hey, you! Could you help us out for a second? Please come here and pick a color sample...
You picked up a floral wallpaper sample 🌸🌻
#please read this it took a long time to compose :3#some of this is definitely a bit of a stretch but i refuse to believe that at least the floral wallpaper wasn't on purpose#sorry for the slight tangent about that one omocat white tulip art but i love it so much.. and never hear anyone else mention it..#one detail i really like that i couldn't fit in naturally anywhere: i adore shawn's name because i also thought sean was spelled like that—#—as a child.. and i think it perfectly encapsulates the childlike ignorance vibe of headspace#ANYWAY. THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU DID <3#omori#omori analysis#sunny omori#basil omori#omori sunny#omori basil#sunflower omori#omori sunflower
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(Yeah no clue if this will reach anyone but anyway)
Early Sunsets Over Monroeville Poll
So, I’m really curious about how people interpret Early Sunsets, cause it’s my favourite song and I’m curious how other people read it after turning its lyrics in my brain microwave-style for years now. So:
#feel free to write whatever you want in the tags! I’m genuinely intrested in what people think this song is about since it seems#like each time I read an analysis on it it’s different#I personally think it’s about one person#my chemical romance#mcr#i brought you my bullets you brought me your love#ibymbybmyl#early sunsets over monroeville#esom#demolition lovers#gerard way#ray toro#frank iero#mikey way#sorry if the tags seem annoying. I sorta want a wide reach for the poll. ye sorry#calls from the void
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man laios and toshiro's/shuro's dynamic is incredibly compelling to me on multiple levels
when you look at them, you can see the cultural and personal barriers that drive almost every single aspect of their relationship, both positively and negatively. laios is incredibly outspoken and driven by his passions, which he expresses freely even in the face of annoyance and/or criticism- he's allowed to be as authentically himself as he pleases, and it's this drive that allows him and the others to survive as long as they have, especially due to the fact that these passions and interests are intertwined with his skills as a dungeon diver. toshiro, in contrast, is incredibly reserved, not only due to his eastern upbringing but also his status as nobility- a combo of cultures that both demand that one save face, to avoid conflict at any cost, even at the expense of one's own feelings and individuality. this, in turn, has made toshiro the perfect samurai, as he's politely-spoken, agreeable, and an honorable, skilled man. both are also incredibly devoted to falin on different levels, having come to accomplish the same mission of her rescue despite drifting apart from the party.
on the flipside, it's these same strengths that cause them to clash- laios is outspoken but unable to truly decipher the emotions of others, leading to a lot of false assumptions and frustration from those who interact with him. toshiro is stoic but to the point of complacency, leading to a aggressively neutral disposition that's ushered by the needs and wants of others, rather than himself. neither man truly knows where they stand with the people important to them in their lives, and hold the ones that they do know how they feel with a fierce admiration expressed in ways that aren't always traditional.
in the end, they both share a growing feeling of isolation from other people that comes to a head when they meet again in the depths of the dungeon, and they both have different ways of coping with the frustrations that arise, seeing the other as only the things they have seen face to face.
it's laios' ability to express himself emotionally without consequence that sparks jealousy in toshiro, leading to a physical fight born out of miscommunication and envy. while toshiro is a driving force in the conflict, it should be noted that the actual fight is started by laios, breaking the dam of indirect communication through force. nothing is more direct than a slap to the face, and it's only after they start hitting each other that toshiro's true feelings come to light.
however, at the end of it all, toshiro is the one who stops torturing himself, listening to laios and giving him the bell, allowing laios and his party entrance into his homeland should they need it, and ultimately giving him support in his mission to defeat the dungeon mage, albeit in his own way. despite it all, they're still good friends with a conflict that boiled over, but came out the other end with a slightly better understanding of each other. the fight was painful for both of them, but it was a necessity for their dynamic to improve, and for them to be made aware of their faults and improve as individuals as well.
but also, if you think about it, their dynamic is literally just this
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden#laios dungeon meshi#toshiro nakamoto#shuro#shuro dungeon meshi#character analysis#anyways toshiro haters with surface level takes get the hell off my lawn boy#i hope you know this entire character analysis was born out of the realization that i'd seen this dynamic before in a different light#and i thought. man. what is the funniest comparison i could make here rn. and i'm still right abt it btw#oh yeah also of course the autism read is still there#as an autistic person myself they don't read at all like neurotypical v autism. they read a LOT more like autism v autism#you know how people with autism either get along REALLY well with other people with autism or repel each other with a force#yeah they're basically that. to me#reading toshiro as autistic with the immigrant lens btw makes him even more compelling to read that way#but that is an analysis for another time#man i missed writing these#dungeon meshi spoilers#i should tag this actually. bc i’m right#laishuro
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I've been trying to think about what I want to say about these first two episodes of Love in the Big City. I'm watching it slowly, it's a show that makes me want to sit rather than rush ahead, and it also hits a little too close to home to enjoy freely (I've only watched the first two episodes so far and my knowledge of the rest of the story is fairly vague so bear with me).
Go Young experiences two major losses. The parallels between these losses, what could have been vs. what can never be again was what particularly stood out to me.
Mi Ae represents a beautiful time that is forever lost. After she gets married, there's no one he can be fully himself with. He simply doesn't have another relationship on that level, platonic or otherwise, and that's truly such an isolating experience. Who do you call when you're in trouble? Who do you complain to? Who will always be your first port of call?
Often, youthful friendships are particularly intense, you're at a point where the world feels so enormous but you don't quite know what to do with it, or yourself yet. Everything still feels new and exciting. You meet people who understand you in ways you've never been understood and can't imagine it won't last forever.
And then you experience that loss for the first time.
Kim Nam Gyu experiences it too. It's clear early in their relationship that Go Young is overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the intensity of Nam Gyu's feelings (his expressions during the padlock and ring scenes in particular). He feels suffocated and anxious, he's not ready for it. So, rather harshly (at least the first time) he ends things. I've been on both ends, which makes it a lot easier to empathize with both of them. While I feel for Nam Gyu incredibly (especially as I read him as very neurodivergent), that discomfort is not something easily resolved, and it's only made worse by his inability to move on. But how can he when he also has no one else?
In the end, Go Young mentions that he missed out on what could have been a long and lasting love with Nam Gyu but I wonder if that's true. Would he have eventually opened up and reciprocated that intensity? Or would he have continued to wallow in his discomfort and let that resentment pile up even further? It's hard to say, but based on the way he behaves, I think the latter. He just wasn't in a stage of life to accept it yet, without the experiences he has with Mi Ae, and without Nam Gyu's death, would he have made it to that point before it became too much? He says he didn't really believe love was possible for someone like him, it took him a lot to get to the point where he even starts to believe it; I find it hard to imagine that he could've gotten there purely through a relationship with Nam Gyu at that stage, as sad as that might be.
Mi Ae offers a bit of an interesting foil here. She chooses loss, but the loss of her authentic self. She chooses the safe option, a stable relationship and job, pleasing her parents, following societal expectations. Maybe the guy isn't quite right, but in the end what seems most important to her is that security, and she's willing to take a loss to get it. As others in the tags have pointed out, Go Young doesn't have that option. There is no option that will (mostly) guarantee him security and safety that would even be remotely tolerable and grant him any degree of happiness. Perhaps he could have chosen to lose parts of himself to be with Nam Gyu, but that wouldn't have provided him the type of security Mi Ae enjoys. If something went wrong and it didn't work out, he could stand to lose even more.
I think that's something that a lot of cishet people fail to understand, and part of what these episodes have done so well for me. Really underlining how the queer experience differs and how isolating it can be (which I think is reflected in Nam Gyu as well).
#litbc book club#love in the big city#also sidenote i really love the idea of a book club discussing each ep#its been so fun to read everyone's meta and it really made me think about a lot of different aspects of the show that i probably wouldn't#have considered as deeply#also its nice to use my brain for media analysis now that im done my thesis lol#anyways i cried like 3 times watching episode two if you couldn't tell#words
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Sorry (not) but I find anyone who acts like Blue is making something out of nothing when she’s mad Adam’s first question is about the kissing to be like. Deeply suspicious. Of course she is mad that’s the first thing he asked her! They’ve been walking on eggshells around each other and not really communicating since the last aborted kiss attempt which is on both of them to some degree, but when he comes around to her it’s only for this and when she has so many fears and insecurities about not properly belonging in the gang because she’s a girl (which is founded based on the fact aside from Noah they’ve all been misogynistic towards her at some point even if it was passive) and not being respected, when she’s also an outsider at home because of a different thing she can’t control. And you can not say that her feeling Adam is treating her like a thing to have and not a person he connects with is unfounded he again literally “I got Blue without you!” screamed at Gansey, consistently going to her after they fight (he did it end of TRB after repugnant too) to validate himself or just generally when he’s falling apart looking for validation from her like in the apartment scene. It’s not a bad thing to seek validation from your partner and in TRB before I’d say the last quarter I think Blue and Adam were genuinely connecting and developing a friendship while also exploring their feelings/attractions to each other, which did always have elements of seeking escape or validation for both of them in different ways, but it’s dissolved into that so much now. And I do think Blue is to some degree mad at Adam because he’s here and available to be mad at when she’s also mad at Gansey for it (I don’t think they’re *in the wrong * for not inviting her but they are in the wrong for not even considering she could want to go or at least want to be in the loop, also even though it’s Gansey’s party if Adam is trying to be her *boyfriend* it was kind of his place to ask her) so she’s conveying anger at Adam when the anger is for both of them, and also more general factors she’s frustrated by, but also Adam has the exact same response of channeling emotions that aren’t solely about Blue through their fights (and to his credit he is self aware that he does this) so again crucifying Blue for it is whack imo. Also to check myself on shipper-brain for the Adam-Gansey aspect of it, well obviously I read that here as a factor because I’m me, but for arguments sake on the premise Adam has No feelings about Gansey that are anything other than platonic Blue would still have a right to be mad about him prioritizing his platonic male friends over her and treating them with more respect, obviously, because misogyny exists (also these are not two contradictory readings in that I think they’re both factors. Signed an Adam Stan).
#Also the fact we learn here he hasn’t ever been to her room when they’ve been sort of dating for a bit..#like yes Adam has much more going on at all times so you could say it’s only about practicality but. Practicality does Not stop Adam when i#comes to spending time with Gansey and even in a sense Ronan in the same way and she’s right to call that out#and she’s also right he wouldn’t talk to Ronan in this way. just wrong about the reason because he does also want to kiss Ronan#just they have a different dynamic. you could read social class and gender as factors I think for sure#(just in case I get annoying anons for saying that I’m not talking in terms of Adam’s sexuality in that obviously he’s bi and into men and#women. but he does relate to them differently and I think analysis of Bluedam that doesn’t acknowledge that is a bit unserious)#and I don’t think Gansey is better about respecting women than Adam to be clear he’s really not.#but much in the way that Ronan and Gansey both have classist moments but Ronan’s seems to be more .. tolerable is the wrong word. But it#doesn’t manifest in ways that hurt Adam in the same ways it does when it’s Gansey. I think Gansey’s treatment isn’t harmful to Blue the way#Adam’s is. For reasons that are more about Adam and Blue and what relationships and treatment work for them rather than objectively tallyin#who is better or worse in terms of isms#but I would need separate posts to talk about that#s speaks#s rereads the dream thieves#trc reread notes#trc#hmm how do I tag these. I think I’ll just go for char tags and leave everything else#blue sargent#adam parrish#my meta#social class / internalized classism is obviously a big factor for both Adam and Blue and how they see each other and the other boys but#that feels more obvious and less like something anyone would take issue with me saying so I focused on it less although it’s very much ther
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I actually find it really sad that people's response to missing some allusion in fiction is to say the story did a bad job of explaining it rather than to think "maybe I should read closer next time" or "maybe the target audience for this piece has some context that I don't and it's worth my time to gain some of that context before reading more stories like these". And I mean sad, not in a condescending way, but in an "it genuinely hurts my heart and I wish I could help" way.
#like sometimes stories *are* bad at explaining#but 99% of the time you'll see three people saying “the author never explained this!!”#just for someone a comment down to be like “I loved how well this was foreshadowed and how well it landed” like#I get this a lot in terms of beta/editorial feedback too#three beta readers will comment that they loved how well X was explored#meanwhile an editor will say “this was never addressed or touched on at all”#it's okay to miss things. i miss A LOT especially on a first go which is why i like to revisit things that are really complex#but the assumption that it's always *the work* that failed and never you as the reader makes it impossible for you to grow#you just go around hating everything you read instead of ever just growing the skill you need to have a better experience each time#and that means you'll never be able to enjoy stories that go beyond what you already know#or that are curated toward audiences who are differently educated or perceive information differently than you#and that's really sad to me#writing#reading#media analysis#media literacy#fiction
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JANG HAYOUNG AND HER RELATIONSHIP WITH KDJ / DKOS IS A REFLECTION OF KDJ’S OWN RELATIONSHIP WITH YJH INCLUDING THE IDEALISATION OF THE PROTAGONIST IN THE STORY AND LEARNING TO LOVE BOTH THE STORY AND THE ONE YOU GOT TO KNOW AND IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-
#orv spoilers#orv analysis#omgaosaksdjalk my brain feels like fireworks i feel like i've connected two dots#am i crazy#listen i know orv goes out of its way to reflect on how kdj didn't really know yjh fully but there is a dual message#and i feel like the second part is often left out of analysis#and orv in the end celebrates a reader's relationship with the story and the characters#its not a bad thing for a person to cheer love care and feel like they understand a character#because it is just like we all have different understandings of each other#and of our own selves#and for orv it is a celebration!#we do not understand each other we do not understand ourselves#because we are an interwoven story#no story begins and ends by itself#we are all written together#and we can always keep reading#i feel like this should be a seperate post#but yeah kdj's relationship with yjh is similar to jhy's relationship with kdj/dkos#and its a good reflection and comparison i think i might get deeper into next time
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A little analysis of this part in the Odyssey:
Reading time: ~10 minutes
Book 23, The Great Rooted Bed, Fagles' tr-n There he sat, leaning against the great central column, eyes fixed on the ground, waiting, poised for whatever words his hardy wife might say when she caught sight of him. A long while she sat in silence … numbing wonder filled her heart as her eyes explored his face. One moment he seemed … Odysseus, to the life— the next, no, he was not the man she knew, a huddled mass of rags was all she saw.
“Oh mother,” Telemachus reproached her, “cruel mother, you with your hard heart! Why do you spurn my father so—why don’t you sit beside him, engage him, ask him questions? What other wife could have a spirit so unbending? Holding back from her husband, home at last for her after bearing twenty years of brutal struggle— your heart was always harder than a rock!” “My child,” Penelope, well-aware, explained, “I’m stunned with wonder, powerless. Cannot speak to him, ask him questions, look him in the eyes … But if he is truly Odysseus, home at last, make no mistake: we two will know each other, even better— we two have secret signs, known to us both but hidden from the world.”
Odysseus, long-enduring, broke into a smile and turned to his son with pointed, winging words: “Leave your mother here in the hall to test me as she will. She soon will know me better. Now because I am filthy, wear such grimy rags, she spurns me—your mother still can’t bring herself to believe I am her husband.<...>
Telemachus is a precious baby, we've established that.
But he does act a bit like a brat with Penelope a couple times. Of course I don't think that any of that is malicious or that he doesn't love her, but he's still being a bit of a brat.
They both suffered, their pain was similar, but also very different, their experiences and the way they processed it were different as well.
Moreover, at this moment Telemachus has already spent some time with Odysseus. They already had their meeting/reunion and they already cried it out (to an extent. I'm sure there's more crying they'll do afterwards). They even had a father-son bonding activity (a.k.a. the slaughter of the suitors). Telemachus got to know his father at least a little bit over the past couple of days and at this point he processed and accepted the idea of Odysseus being back.
Penelope, on the other hand, was told about it just a moment ago. She can't immediately go "oh, you're saying Odysseus is back? Wonderful, let me greet him", no. Odysseus wasn't away on a short hunting trip or something, he was away for two whole decades, half of that time he was pretty much thought to be dead by most people (the first half wasn't that much better, as he could've still died any time during the war, but at least he wasn't lost, Penelope knew where he was).
Now she needs time to wrap her head around what is happening. We even see her thoughts as she goes to meet Odysseus:
Penelope started down from her lofty room, her heart in turmoil, torn … should she keep her distance, probe her husband? Or rush up to the man at once and kiss his head and cling to both his hands?
She wants to reunite with him, she wants this to be true, but she can't be sure of anything now. They have been apar for longer than they knew each other. Does he still love her like he used to? Is he the man she loved? Is it even the real Odysseus in the first place? She needs to process everything, as well as confirm all the information herself, and Telemachus, at least at this moment, doesn't comprehend that. He's acting quite immature, scolding his mother for not immediately believing and accepting that Odysseus is back.
This is a very interesting detail. First it once again shows us that Telemachus still lacks a lot of maturity, despite having been on his coming of age trip. He's still very young.
Yes, he definitely grew a lot in that short time, but it would've been impossible for him to learn everything at once, he still has a lot of that immaturity left in him, there's still a lot of room to grow and that's completely understandable. We, as people, grow for our whole lives and Tele is doing remarkably well, especially considering his circumstances.
Another interesting thing about this part is that it shows Telemachus', perhaps a bit childish, impatience. He is a kid, who finally met his dad (and his biggest hero), he knows that his mother was suffering and grieving for pretty much his whole life (with things getting a lot worse over the past decade). From Telemachus' perspective Odysseus' return is supposed to solve all their problems, especially since their biggest problem, a.k.a. the suitors, was just taken care of and it wouldn't have happened without Odysseus.
Telemachus just wants a happy family. His dad is back and seems to love him, the suitors are gone, now his parents should reunite, his mother will stop grieving and everything will be perfect. This is something he dreamt of his whole life and it's finally so close, but his mother doesn't immediately believe him. She doesn't immediately accept Odysseus and Telemachus doesn't understand why. He is too preoccupied with wanting things finally to be okay, that he doesn't take time to think about what Penelope must be feeling. It doesn't even occur to him. Perhaps it's also partially the need to be believed and listened to, which is also something he lacked growing up around suitors and being treated as a child, but I'm not diving into that right now.
Odysseus, on the other hand, understands what's going on. He assures his son, that everything will be okay. He pretty much does a more adult version of "mom and dad will take care of this, you go play for a bit". Odysseus understands Penelope's reaction and goes from there. Of course he wants to be in her embrace as soon as possible, but considering everything she has been through, he definitely can't just suddenly grab her and do what he wants. This is his dearly beloved wife and he wants her to take on that role voluntarily, like she did before, he wants her to accept him as her dear husband, like she did before, and for that he has to let her do it at her own pace. He tries to meet her where she's at, to do this reunion on her terms, to assure her, that he is, who he says he is and who others tell her he is.
This is just so amazing and I love their relationship so much (T▿T)♡
I also love Penelope's reaction to Telemachus' words. She doesn't react negatively, she is remarkably calm and part of it is probably the shock from what's happening, but still, she is "well-aware". I think that she knows Telemachus really well, because even though he has surprised her with how much he matured, he's still the same boy, he's still her kid. She most likely understands where Telemachus' outburst is coming from and doesn't get angry, doesn't scold him for his impatience, she reassures him. She lets him know, that he doesn't need to be scared of things falling apart and that she isn't looking to reject Odysseus. She's looking for Odysseus and she hopes she can find him in that familiar and strange man before her. She just needs time, but she will be taking the effort to search for what she's looking for, now that she has a way (she wouldn't have been able to go searching for Odysseus at sea, but now he's, supposedly, right here and she will handle it like the queen that she is).
#the odyssey#this is just my interpretation of this scene#you're completely free to interpret it differently#I wrote this analysis a while ago and now decided to share it here#hope you enjoyed#odysseus#telemachus#penelope#they all care about each other so much and they've been through a lot#just give this family all the happiness#please TT#tagamemnon#greek mythology#the “reading time” mentioned above is how long it took me personally to read this whole post properly#I just find time estimates like this helpful when I'm about to read something long#obviously not everyone's time would be the same#someone might read slower. others might read faster and that's okay#I just thought this might be helpful to someone like it usually is to me#certainly no harm in putting it here)))#odyssey rant
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how's the reading going.
the readings themselves are fine, it's the incredibly specific reading comprehension tasks that are going to kill me dead in the street
#quil's unholy underworld#quil's queries#ferdouvu#i promise it's not because i have no reading comprehension it's because she has such specific guidelines for them!#for EACH chapter write a 100 word summary with these FIVE details#and then a 150 analysis answering these THREE questions#and also it all has to add up to at least THIS minimum#so you need to fit an extra 50 words in somewhere#like!! that's so specific and tedious!#got me double checking everything liek 3 times for the 15 different requirements#and she words them so weird too!
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liveblogging my descent into madness
#okay okay okay okay okay okay okay#my supervisor set a new deadline for Now. tonight#bc he wants to meet tomorrow 2 with more draft to talk about#rn im on 4 full pages and trying to figure out what the hell my analysis would practically look like step by step#which is hard when im not that good at stats and this is actually one of the things he should be helping me with#and he evaded questions when I did ask him abt#but! getting annoyed doesn’t help me now#I am putting together bullet point steps to help me get my head round it bc it’s midnight and I’m having trouble like#keeping how exactly the methods work straight in my head#generalised linear mixed models! woo!! I don’t know whether they substitute for finding an association between two factors first or are like#subsequent step to that. more refined. gives amount of variance in x due to y that can be explained by z factor#if I had more time I’d be able to figure this out and I will want to ask about this so maybe that’s worth leaving for now as long as I know#roughly what outputs I’m expecting and what things I’ll need to separate for each hypothesis#ohhhhhhh wait I’m describing summary statistics. Im saying I’ll do summary statistics for each factor first before I do a glmm#eg for spatial effect I need to see the correlation between distance and occupancy in individual sites#and whether there’s a difference in the average distance between my two groups#wait so that’s not a correlation it’s comparing two categories and seeing whether their distributions differ which. anova? non parametric?#dude i have no idea at this point I think this is smth I have to ask about#okay. so I haven’t touched my extension section and I want to have something there that he can give feedback on#so for each of my objectives I’ll detail an experiment I couldn’t do that would advance the objective somehow#in the first two that’ll be quantification#or do I do that? what did he say last week#okay im going now I got shit to do#deeply sorry to anyone who is still reading these science is hard and I’m TIRED#luke.txt
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BOOK REVIEW 📖
This is the one for February – I was reminded of this book half way through the month and decided to reread it again because I couldn't remember how it ended; plus a short mystery is always nice to read (side note: this ended up as an ebook read bc I couldn't remember where in my storage boxes I have my copy – it's in storage because it's a paperback edition and old and I don't want it to die on me yet lol)
#ben picks up reading again#ben rambles about shit#hewehewhehehewhehw I've forgotten to upload these for the last two months LMAO#not to worry I am at least still reading :D#alrighty this is for the most part spoiler free (execpt where indicated)#it is a very entertaining mystery that feels like a game of cluedo and you really enjoy how everything comes together at different points#so much that it has you going back to see how the hell you missed a detail and going AHA#but yeah counts as a reread but it was so long ago and I'd forgotten practically everything about it that its like a new read#which is a bonus bc I like figuring out mysteries in books and going along with stuff to see if I'm right at the end#not to much analysis in this review like the last book as I feel it didn't need it#each character is pretty likeable with some unlikable moments sprinkled in#also I really love how the POV switches and flows easily between each of them which is what makes this book so easy to follow along with#insight on when i first read it#i was in fifth grade and we had a reading club sort of thing that our teacher picked us for#like a greatbooks fishbowl sort of thing instead of just our regular reading/comm arts time in class#i think it was the last one's we read for that year because I don't remember any after it#anyway we had to staple the last couple of chapters together so we wouldn't be able to know the ending nor the stuff leading up to it#that way we could play along and try to solve it ourselves#we had a betting pool sort of thing going with candy to see who could guess correctly#just a box full of sticky notes with whatever theories we wanted to include with the bet#and a whole wall with those large paper pad sheets that teacher's would have for their easels in order for us to connect the dots on things#yeah we went into it#kind of wondering if we ever got to the end or if something came up that we couldn't finish the book like i sort of remember#our tutor missing a couple of weeks and then state testing and then it was just the end of the year and we were turning in the books to her#anyway just more admin lore
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`✵•.¸,✵°✵.。.✰ 𝕃𝕠𝕦𝕕 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕕𝕖 ✰.。.✵°✵,¸.•✵´★
Pairing: Bakugou x Aizawa's Daughter Reader
Warnings: Fluff, lots of fluff! Bakugou is vry anxious, a lil bit of cussing, possibly ooc Bakugou
Summery: you finally convince your boyfriend Katsuki Bakugou to meet your father. Little do they both know they already know each other.
"Katsuuuuuu" you whine pouting at your grumpy boyfriend. Even though you know that his anger is nothing more than a cover for every other emotion he's feeling, and right now you can tell he's anxious. No matter how many times you have asked him to meet your father you've been turned down with a simple 'I'm not ready yet', and even if you understands the boy's anxiety it doesn't make you any less disappointed.
"S'not that I don't wanna meet him doll, you know I do. Jus' what if he thinks I'm not good enough for you. You're just so perfect, and so calculated. Then m'jus reckless me." Letting out a long sigh afterwards because he really does want to meet the man who raised the girl he's so lucky to call his girlfriend, but he's scared. Rightfully so he thinks, because he really never will be good enough to deserve you.
"Kats, he's going to love you. I know me telling you probably won't end up changing how you feel, but you are good enough for me. You're everything I want, you treat me better than anyone else could, and if my father cannot see that he is painfully blind." You haven't had the heart to tell him who exactly your father is, especially with it being his teacher. You know it would only freak him out more, and that's the last thing that you need to do.
You know your boyfriend honestly probably better than you know yourself. As you've known him since you were in middle school. You can read him in a way no one else can. They see his brash. angry personality on the outside and they immediately assume that's all he is. Is a loud angry kid, but you, you see the parts of him that no one else is allowed to. You see the passion he has, the love he has for saving people, you see his softness. He's a different person around you. You bring out the best in him in ways that no one else could ever dream to do. As he does to you, because he also sees the parts of you nobody else has been allowed to see before. He knows your greatest fears, and the things that inspire you. He's supportive of your dreams as you are his. He'd never judge you, especially about the fact that you're not becoming a hero. Instead opting to take general studies at U.A. where you focus your studies on hero analysis instead.
"Do you mean it?" There's a hint of pain in his voice that would go unnoticed by anyone but you.
"Of course I do" you say as you gently cup his face with your hands. Then he gives you a look, one that is full of love. Love for you, and it's almost enough to make you tear up. But you fight it as to not spook him.
"Okay my love, I'll meet him." He gives you a small smile, and you think your heart may have melted right there.
"How about dinner at my house this Saturday kats? I'll make your favorite and we'll just have a nice evening." You say with an encouraging smile. You know how hard this must be for him and you're so incredibly proud of him.
"Okay, I'll let the old hag know that I'll be out be out for the evenin." He gently leans his forehead against yours after placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. You love how gentle his is with you, like at any moment you could break in his grasp.
You giggle as you playfully hit his shoulder, "Stop calling her that Kats." Before he has the chance to respond your phone starts blasting your alarm, telling you that it's time to start your walk home.
"M'gonna miss you." He says as you carefully get out of his lap and stretch as you stand up.
"I'll call you as soon as I'm home, and we can stay on the phone all night." This answer seems to satisfy him as he stands up and gives you a kiss before grabbing your jacket to help you put it on.
"Goodbye katsu, I'll talk to you later." Giving him a peck on his cheek and opening the door to his room.
"Yeah, whatever bye nerd." Even though that would come off as rude to anyone else, it places a large smile on your face as you make your way out of his house. It really is a gorgeous house, his parents have wonderful taste.
As you start on your walk you think about how the conversation with your father will go. He'll more than likely be getting ready for his night-shift of patrol. He knew you were seeing someone but other than that he knew no details. You had never been one to share the details of your love life and he knew that, so he chose not to push. Hoping that you would trust him enough to tell him anything important.
As you arrive home, you put your key in the lock and carefully unlock the door. As you open the door to your guys apartment, you immediately see your father in the kitchen dressed in his hero suit making himself coffee. It was the only way he got through his night shifts. As he sees you he starts to walk over to you before giving you a hug and a kiss to the top of your head.
"Welcome home hun, how's your day been?" He says pulling away and giving you a smile. He knows you can handle yourself but there's a certain relief that comes with knowing that you're safe in your home.
"It's been good, but I've got something to talk to you about." As you say this his heart beats a little quicker, maybe something happened. He's already thinking of every horrible thing that could have happened to you. You gently place your hand on his shoulder taking him out of his thoughts.
"Saturday, my boyfriend's going to come over for dinner. So he can meet you." He sighs in relief, he can handle that. It's simply just meeting the boy who has stolen your heart. He's noticed the way you've changed, since you've started hanging out with that boy. You seem happier, calmer even. But all he knows is that it's been a change for the better, and he can tell this boy makes you happy. So, even though trusting someone else with the care of the most important person to him is terrifying. He knows you're happy and healthy, that's all that'll ever matter to him.
"Alright that's fine, but you're cooking cause you know I can't for shit." You let out a small giggle at this comment, because he really cannot cook to save his life.
"Already planned on it dad!" He could spend the rest of his life like this. In the sweet moments between the two of you. Due to his busy schedule he doesn't get to see you as much as he would like. Even though he knows you don't blame him, and never would he can't help but feel some guilt. He never wants you to feel like he's abandoning you in the way your mother did.
"Alright hun, I've got to leave for patrol, there's some money on the counter for you to order yourself dinner. I should be home around 3. Have a good night, I love you." Once again he plants a kiss to your forehead, with a small smile forming on his lips.
"Thank you, I love you too dad. Have a good patrol!" And with that he leaves for the night.
You spend some time debating on what to get, with the help of Katsuki's opinions. After you get your food and eat you and him both decide that it's time for bed. You fall asleep to the sound of his soft snores feeling the most content that you have in years.
The rest of your week goes by normally. With the same routine of going to school, seeing your boyfriend, and going home. A simple routine but one that you've grown to love. The normalcy of everything is so comforting to you. And before you know it Saturday has arrived. Throughout the day you're excited, you think. You're not actually really sure how you feel, you want to be exciting but then there's the thought of what if it doesn't go well. And now you're suddenly wondering if Kats will be mad that you didn't tell him who your father was. As it gets closer to the time that was agreed upon by the three of you, the panic starts to really set.
This does not go unnoticed by your father as he is an extremely observant man. Yet, for what feels like one of the first times in his life, he doesn't know how to comfort you. He wants to promise you that he'll like your boyfriend but he knows there's always a chance that promise would be broken. And he doesn't want to do that to you. He settles in just trying to tell you he'll be nice. He walks into the kitchen where you've started making curry. You're making two kinds because you know your father cannot handle the spice. You don't acknowledge his presence but he's aware you know that he is with you.
"Hey, uh I promise I'll be nice tonight, but I can't promise that I'll like him." He says as gently as he can, but he feels like that last part may have come out a little harsh.
"I know dad, it's not really you I'm worried about. He's just.. He's so anxious but it comes out in a way that's harsh, and I don't want you to think less of him." It was a hard confession for you to make to him. Fearing that he might connect the dots before your boyfriend gets here.
"I'll keep it in mind kid, because I know you're happy. I see it on your face." He walks back to his room as he says that. But it leaves a smile on your face. And it reminds you how much he truly cares about you.
You think about Katsuki the entire time you cook. Thinking about his smile that is so contagious to you. He's smiling and you are too. About his hair, and the way it's so pointy. Yet it somehow manages to be so soft too. His voice that is so loud and harsh with others, but is so gentle and soft with you. You think about the way he looks while he cooks. He'll say he enjoys your food tonight, and he might. But you both know that he is absolutely the superior cook. You think about his handsome face. Everything about it being so perfect and fitting together so well. The red of his eyes, and the small bags that fall under them. Everything about him is so perfect.
Eventually, you're interrupted from your thoughts by a knock on the door. 'Shit' you think is it really already time. You quickly go to open the door and you're pleasantly surprised at the sight in front of you. Your lovely boyfriend dressed nicer than you think you've ever seen. Wearing a nice pair of jeans and a red dress shirt that brings out his eyes. He's also holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers.
"Uh. Here these are for you." He says has he shoves them into your hands. You smile at him.
"Thank you they're gorgeous. Would you uh, like to come in?" No matter how long you guys are together you'll honestly probably always have these small awkward moments between the two of you that you've grown to love.
"Oh uh yeah." He nods his head as he accepts your invitation and walks into your house. Taking a mental note of his surroundings, the place you, the girl he loves lives. He thinks it's simple, but nice, even more than his own house.
"Uh, by the way don't kill me for not telling you." You hear your father start coming down the hall and feel this is your last chance to say anything. And you decide to plead for your life. He looks at you with complete and utter confusion.
"Huh?" He says this as your father walks into the room and as the realization hits him, you see the color drain from his face. You look at your father and he has the same look on his face. Katsuki's seems to be more out of fear and your father's more out of shock.
"Y/n what did I say about loud blondes?" He says with a sigh, but you know he's not mad. He may just be trying to freak Katsuki out a little more.
With a giggle you respond, "to stay away from them?" Katsuki looks at you like you're crazy, you can only wonder what's going through his head. You take his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"Uh- hi Aizawa-sensei." He says with a shake in his voice. You can tell he's scared and you feel so bad for not telling him. You realize that it was a mistake you shouldn't have hid it from him, you should have just told him. But you don't have time to keep thinking before your father responds.
"Hello Bakugou, I'm assuming you were as left in the dark about this as I was?" Your father sends you a small glare.
"Uh yeah sir I was." He says huffing and shoving the hand that wasn't holding yours in his pocket, as he glares intensely at the floor.
"Msorry- I didn't know how to tell you guys.. I'm sorry." You say meekly, you really hadn't known how to tell them.
"it's okay, m'jus a little shocked." Now it's his turn to give your hand a comforting squeeze. He really isn't mad at you, but he does wish you had told him before. But that's something the two of you can talk about another day.
"I know you make my daughter happy Bakugou, so I'm not mad. And I know you'll be able to protect her. But this will not change our relationship at school, do not expect anything to be easier for you. If anything be prepared for it to be harder, if it's my daughter you'll be protecting." Your father sends a look to your boyfriend that conveys how serious he is about his words.
"Yeah yeah sir, I wouldn't want it any other way." He send a glare straight back at your father, you know this is his way of proving himself to the older man. So for now, you won't get in the way, as long as it doesn't get to out of hand.
"We should probably go eat before dinner gets cold." The two men nod in agreement before you guys make your way to the dining room. You sit next to Katsuki and your father sits on the other side of the table. You give both of them plates before making your own.
"I hope you enjoy it." You say with a weak smile. You watch as the both of them start eating and Katsuki gives you one of those looks that just shows you how much he is in love with you.
"Shit babe, this is so fuckin good." He says before taking anything bite. And this makes you giggle and return him the smile. Your father watches with an amused smirk and he realizes that calming the loud blondes may run in the family.
The rest of dinner goes well, you guys all talk and you father seems to accept of Katsuki. And that makes you happier than anything, seeing the two most important people in your life get along.
A/n: RAAAAH okay so I fear it's late and I'm a little eepy so I kinda rushed the end, so I might come back and change it or I'll js leave it I don't know! But this is the first time in a rlly long time I've written so it honestly probably sucks but I fear it's okay chat. I hope you at least someone enjoyed it!
Pt. 2, pt. 3
#bakugou x reader#mha#aizawa shouta#aizawa shota x reader#aizawa x daughter!reader#bakugo katuski#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#mha x reader#bakugou x you#shinsou x reader#aizawa x reader#mha aizawa#bnha#bnha x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha aizawa#x reader#dabi x reader#todoroki x reader#denki kaminari#deku x reader#aizawa x hizashi#present mic#present mic x eraserhead
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(please) spare me indignity
pt 3
pairing: spencer reid x fem gideon!reader
summary: you and spencer spend more time together. it's bad, then it's good, then it's something else altogether.
a/n: continuing the gideon!reader series! a whole lot of this is arguing because they love each other fr. sorry this took so long, for some reason i had a really hard time finding my footing here but i hope you enjoy!! reader is a victim of the sassy man apocalypse bc this may be s1/2 spencer but he is not going to not be standing up for himself!! have this new banner that i made to try and help with my inspiration. title is from nothing new by rio romero
wc: 5k
warning(s): r and spence argue some more. angst, hurt w/o comfort, then hurt with comfort! idk theyre kinda sweet
You and Spencer spend the next six and a half hours watching movies.
You make it through Goodfellas and you only tell him to be quiet twelve times. You take a break to get water and make popcorn, which was so generously provided in your grocery supply, and while you’re doing it, Spencer insists on picking the next one. You end up watching Psycho, and you don’t think he lets a single scene go by without explaining the meaning behind it.
You choose Notting Hill after, and he knows just as much. He picks Halloween—it doesn’t really help your stalker anxieties, and Spencer apologizes profusely when you bring it up, but you still end up finishing it. Next you go for Pointe Grosse Blank, then Spencer picks Kolya, a Russian film that he specifically put into the box.
There are subtitles, but he spends half the time translating for you anyway—apparently there are nuances to the script that an English translation doesn’t get compared to the original Russian, and that would be a tragedy.
He’s in the middle of his third rant going on seven minutes when you finally break.
“Okay,” you say as you reach for the remote, “I can’t do this anymore.”
You do a double take when your hand meets another instead of hard plastic, and you see Spencer beat you to it. You pull your hand away as soon as possible, feeling your face heat from annoyance.
“What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” he echoes. “The movie’s not over yet.”
“I can’t take any more of your rambling,” you say. “I’m cutting you off.”
He frowns. “We have to finish the movie first.”
“What are you, a broken record?”
“I couldn’t be a broken record because I said two different things,” he protests. “Besides, what else are you going to do?”
“Unpack my things? Read a book? Sit in silence staring at the wall in my room?” You shrug as you stand up and walk over to the kitchen. “I’ve got a lot of options.”
“Gideon told me not to let you out of my sight,” Spencer says, standing up as well.
“You can see me pretty well from there,” you say. “You don’t have to invade every bit of my privacy.”
“I— I kind of do,” he says. “The whole point of a safe house is to keep you safe. If you’re off doing your own thing, it’s not really safe.”
“It’s not like I’m leaving!” You throw up your hands in exasperation. “What, are you going to sleep with me too? Make sure I don’t go anywhere in the middle of the night?”
It’s almost funny how fast his face flushes bright red. You’ve got a feeling he doesn’t have a lot of experience with this sort of thing.
“That’s what I thought,” you say. “Keep watching your movie if you want. Just leave me alone.”
You feel his eyes on your back as you storm off to your room. The childish part of you wants to slam the door, but you decide to throw Spencer the smallest bone and leave it open.
It’s not his fault that you hate him, and that just makes you hate him even more. He gets to come out of this the bigger person, a saint for putting up with your various deficiencies while keeping you safe from a stalker. You’re just the difficult, ungrateful, estranged bastard daughter of the most deified man in the Behavioral Analysis Unit who can’t set her personal grudges aside for her own good.
You shove your duffel bag into the bed with a little too much force. You unzip it, deciding to try and occupy yourself with unpacking. You’re here for the indefinite future, so you might as well make yourself at home.
You can’t help the dry laugh that comes at the thought. You don’t know if you’ve ever felt at home anywhere.
This might be the worst thing about this whole situation. You’ve got a stalker out there, and it’s making you do all this bullshit introspection against your will. It’s got you thinking about your dad and your relationship with him, and thinking about Spencer Reid and how he’s replaced you in your father’s life without even really knowing about it because he didn’t know about you until he walked into your dad’s office a month ago.
Ten minutes pass in a blur before you’re knocked out of it by a rapping on your door. You turn to see Spencer standing in the doorway, expression unreadable.
“What?” you ask.
“You’ve been quiet,” he says. “I’m just checking in.”
“I’m still alive,” you say. “Nothing exciting happened in the five seconds I was gone.”
“It was ten minutes and thirty two seconds, actually,” he says. “But— but good.”
Again, more silence passes between you. You look up at him from your pile of clothes after thirty seconds.
“Are you just going to stand there?”
“I— I don’t know what else to do,” he stammers.
“Didn’t you say you did something like this before?” you ask. “Guarded some girl from her stalker?”
Spencer nods. “She was a lot easier to get along with.”
You roll your eyes. “Somebody out there wants to kill me to get back at my dad. Sorry that I’m not the pinnacle of happiness.” You make a point to avoid his gaze. “But what I’m trying to say is that you’ve done this all before. You should have some kind of idea of what to do besides bothering me.”
“How am I bothering you?” Spencer asks in exasperation. “I’ve said three sentences to you!”
“Everything you do bothers me, boy genius,” you say. “I thought you would have figured that out by now.”
“I—” He looks like he wants to say more, but instead he just clamps his mouth shut and shakes his head before he walks away.
You stare down at your pile of clothes, largely unfolded and scattered around the bed. The silence doesn’t give you the satisfaction you thought it would.
It only lasts for all of thirty seconds though, and you don’t have time to linger in the discomfort—you hear footsteps, heavier ones this time, and you look up to see Spencer round the corner once again.
“What is your problem with me?” he blurts out.
You frown. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” Spencer nods. “You hate your dad, fine— but he’s not here for you to fight with, so you’re taking it out on me. It’s classic displacement, and you don’t get to take it out on me.”
“Why not?” you ask.
“Because it— it’s not fair!” he sputters. “I didn’t do anything to you— I didn’t even know you existed until a month ago!”
“Well, gosh, boy genius,” you say, “I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure it out yourself.”
“Stop calling me boy genius!” he exclaims. “We’re the same age!”
“Then stop acting like one,” you retort. “I know you’ve got a psychology degree, but you don’t need to use them on me whenever you can.”
He frowns, his mouth opening for a second before he closes it.
“Were you going to ask how I knew that before you realized the obvious answer?” you ask.
“No,” he says.
“Yes, you were.” You continue folding your clothes. “You went to Caltech, MIT, and Yale, even though it was your safety school. You’ve got three PhDs, two BAs, and you’re working on a philosophy degree, but you’re not done with it yet.” You shrug. “A little difficult to make it to classes with all the FBI stuff.”
“…Does he really talk about me that much?” Spencer’s voice is quieter than it was before.
“Oh, yeah,” you say. You set a finished pair of jeans to the side then look at him. “I graduated from college too. Granted, it was a couple years ago, not when I was 17, but I think it still warrants a little support.”
“You went to George Mason,” Spencer says.
Your movements stutter. You weren’t expecting him to actually know.
“Yeah,” you say. Your heart skips a beat. “How do you know?”
Has he talked about you to the team before? Sure, they didn’t know you existed before you showed up out of the blue, but maybe he showed them a picture after it happened. Your mom carries one of you in your cap and gown in her wallet—maybe he got a hold of one and Spencer caught a glimpse of that. Maybe you just missed it and he does have a picture of you on his desk. Maybe—
“You have a sweatshirt for it,” he says with a gesture. You look where his finger is pointing, and sure enough, your GMU sweatshirt is tangled up with a couple of other crewnecks.
“…Of course,” you say. You don’t know why you even dared to hope. “Because it’s more likely that you’d notice something like that than it is for my dad to talk about me.”
Spencer says your name, and you hate the sympathy in it.
“No.” You cut him off before he can get any further. “Don’t try to defend him. You know,” you huff a cold, humorless laugh, “he missed my graduation, too. Two separate dates for commencement and my actual school’s ceremony, one 45 minute car ride, and he couldn’t make it to either one.”
“You don’t know how busy we are,” Spencer tries again. “We work weekends and holidays and around the clock— sometimes we get called in at 3am to stay in some random town for weeks at a time, and there’s nothing we can do about it! I— I mean, we’ve had three days off in the past 47 days and—”
“That’s why I have a problem with you!” you cry out, throwing the shirt in your hand onto your bed as you turn to face him. “Because I’m twenty-four years old, and I’ve lived an hour away from my dad for the past six years, but his team that he spends all his time with didn’t even know I existed until I showed up at your office.” You take a step forward, anger resurging inside of you. “Because I threw away a chance at an Ivy to get to see him more, just to deal with the same bullshit as usual. Because I worry about him dying every single day he’s in the field, and he can’t even give me a phone call at the end of it all—” another step forward— “and even in the middle of this shitshow, you think you have a right to defend him— to- to tell me how to feel about him!”
You move even closer, close enough to see his wrinkled button-up is partially untucked, his lips are slightly parted, and his stupid doe eyes—that haven’t left yours—with his stupid dilated pupils, and you jab your finger in his chest.
“Because all I ever wanted is my father’s affection,” your voice breaks, and you hate the way it makes you feel, “and he’d rather build an entirely new life with an entirely new kid than give it to me.”
You push your way past him, making sure to shoulder-check him on your way out. You don’t look back as you forge your way to the bathroom (that you unfortunately have to share), even though his gaze burns into your back.
You close and lock the door. It’s childish, you know, but you need to be alone right now. You can’t stand to be around him.
Spencer just— he irritates you in a way that no one else ever has. He’s your age and more accomplished than you could ever dream to be, with almost six times the degrees and a much better job, and probably a family that loves him. Who wouldn’t love him with everything he’s done?
You, apparently.
You plant your hands on the countertop as you stare into the mirror. Your usual dark circles have become more pronounced over the past month, and you can’t help a wry laugh at the thought. All that trouble sleeping and it was for the wrong damn reason.
If you knew someone was watching you, you would have moved out of Virginia months ago. But maybe this bastard would have found you anyway. If Spencer’s profiling is right and he’s going after you because of your dad, you don’t think much could really dissuade him.
Tears pool at your waterline, and you wipe them away with a rough hand before they can manifest into something more. You slump back against the opposing wall as you continue to stare at yourself.
You’re pathetic and you can’t even find it in yourself to care.
You hear the sound of footsteps once more and you wrap your arms around your midsection. This chill won’t go away.
“…Are you still alive?” a hesitant voice calls.
You bite back a remark. “I’m fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“No.” You don’t know what makes you answer honestly.
A beat of silence passes. You really do feel like a kid. You’re talking to him through the door because you just yelled at him and Spencer is still being the bigger person.
“Can I help at all?”
This answer comes a little quicker. “No.”
Again, more silence.
“Okay.” Spencer pauses, and the footsteps start again. His voice is a little closer the next time he speaks. “Just… let me know when you’re turning in. So I know you’re still alive.”
You huff. He can’t even stick to his guns and hate you like you hate him for ten minutes. “I don’t think I’ll be dying anytime soon.”
“You never know,” he says. “Spontaneous human combustion might not be proven beyond pseudoscientific concepts, but there’s a first time for everything.”
The laugh that comes out of you is unexpected, both in its lightness and occurrence at all. “Keep an ear out for the smoke alarm, then.”
“If you smell anything burning, stop, drop and roll,” he says. “Make sure you don’t run. All it’ll do is add to the oxygen and feed the fire.”
“Okay,” you say. “…I still don’t like you.”
You swear you can hear the smile in his words. “I know.”
-
You wake up when the smoke alarm goes off.
It’s a very rude awakening. It jolts you out of your very uneasy sleep to unfamiliar surroundings—in your disoriented state, you almost forget where you are.
Right. You’re in a safe house in the middle of nowhere because someone is stalking you. How could you possibly forget?
You stumble out of bed, rubbing your eyes to try and assuage some of your exhaustion as you leave your room.
“Is the place on fire?” you ask through a yawn.
“No!” Spencer exclaims, sounding more panicked than usual. That straightens your back and speeds your pace. “No, everything’s fine—”
You smell smoke, and as you come around the corner, you see him waving his hands overtop the toaster trying to dispel said smoke. You can’t help but laugh, and you actually smile when he gives you the most helpless look.
“I’m so good at so many other things.”
“What are you trying to do?” you ask wryly. “Burn this house down to try and get a better one?”
“This wouldn’t have started a fire,” Spencer says. “Toaster fires usually spread because they’re below wooden cupboards, which catch easily and spread everywhere else.” He gestures at the toaster, which he has plugged in to an outlet on the side of the island. “No cupboards, no house fire.”
“You started this because you were making toast?” you ask.
He flushes. “I’m used to the toaster I have at home. I have the settings worked out perfectly there. This one is all wrong.”
You sigh and shake your head. “Just… hit the reset button, and open the door. It’ll be fine.”
“I can’t open the door,” he says. “It goes against the safety thing.”
“Then open a window.”
“Making it easier to get in here in any way goes against the safety thing,” he says.
“So we have to just deal with the smoke?” you ask in exasperation.
Spencer hits the vent button on the microwave, and the fan whirs into action. “No?”
You shake your head in disbelief as he then reaches up to hit the button on the smoke alarm. His t-shirt lifts with the movement—your eyes drift to the bare strip of skin, and you immediately look away when you realize.
“Where’s the coffee in here?” you ask, clearing your throat as you start sifting through drawers. “I’ll be even worse to deal with if I don’t have caffeine.”
“I already brewed a fresh pot,” Spencer says, gesturing with his head. “Half and half is in the fridge, and sugar is in the cabinet.”
“Oh,” you say. You stop what you’re doing, your hands lingering above the drawer handle. “You didn’t have to do that.”
You see him shrug out of your peripherals. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Because I was a total asshole to you last night, you want to say. Because I’ve been awful to you since I met you and you refuse to fight back and give me a better reason to hate you.
“Because you didn’t need to,” you finally say. Good one.
“I did. So you’re going to have to deal with it.” Spencer takes the burnt toast out and throws them in the trash can, talking while he does it. “You know, it’s actually a rumor that burnt toast contains carcinogens and can increase the chance of cancer. Acrylamide forms when you burn food, but researchers haven’t found a link between starchy foods with high amounts of acrylamide and cancer.”
You hum in some form of acknowledgement as you take a mug out of the cabinet and fill it from the pot. You take a sip and grimace—it’s not the best, but it’s caffeinated. After three years of shitty gas station coffee throughout college, you can deal with it.
“How did you sleep?” Spencer asks.
“Fine,” you say.
He frowns. “Really?”
“Yes,” you say, a little rougher. “The dark circles come with the model.”
“There are a lot of causes other than sleep deprivation,” Spencer says. “Contact dermatitis, hyperpigmentation, dehydration, alcoholism, stress—”
“Got plenty of that,” you interrupt.
“Even genetics can play a part in it,” he says.
You huff. “I think this is one thing I can’t blame my dad for. I haven’t slept since the nineties.”
“Well, you should try,” Spencer says. “The blood vessels around your eyes don’t constrict like they should when you’re sleep deprived, which means your blood vessels dilate, which increases blood in the area, and that gives you dark circles.”
“Wow,” you say wryly. “I really look that bad with them?”
“I— that—” Spencer’s face flushes red as he stutters, and you hide the slightest smile with your mug— “that’s not what I mean! I’m just trying to give advice to help—”
“I know.” You set your mug back down, not able to fully bite back your amusement. “I was joking, Spencer.”
“Oh,” he says. “That’s… new.”
“Am I not allowed to joke?”
“It just doesn’t seem like you,” Spencer says. “Especially after last night.”
“I’m too tired to fight with you right now,” you sigh. “Enjoy your break.”
He clears his throat as he takes two fresh pieces of bread out, then looks at your mug. “You drink it black?”
“It’s not coffee if you don’t,” you say. “It— it’s a sugary mess.”
“It is not!” he exclaims. “It still has the same amount of caffeine, and it’s still coffee—”
“No it isn’t!” you laugh, and you nod at his mug. “How much sugar did you put in there?”
“A couple spoonfuls but—”
“Spoonfuls?”
“But it’s how I like it!” Spencer defends.
“Don’t you have some facts about how harmful excessive sugar consumption is?” you ask.
“Of course I do,” he says. “I also have some about the benefits of black coffee, but I’m not going to tell you now.”
“Wow,” you say. “I’m so hurt.”
He shakes his head as he slots two more pieces of bread into the toaster. “And to think, I was trying to make breakfast for you.”
Again, that gives you pause. Why does he keep trying to do nice things for you?”
“Don’t bother.” You pick up your mug and go into the living room. “I don’t really eat breakfast anyways.”
“That’s not healthy,” he calls after you.
“Most things I do aren’t,” you respond. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“Skipping breakfast puts you at a higher chance of heart disease,” he says.
“Then I guess we won’t have to worry about the spontaneous combustion, will we?” You look back at him. “What’s on the agenda?”
Spencer sighs. He’s given up momentarily, it seems. “Gideon’s going to call me in thirty-two minutes for an update. The whole team has been focusing solely on your case.”
You perk up. The coffee warms your hands through the mug but it doesn’t fully assuage the chill down your spine.
“Do they have any leads?”
“I don’t know,” Spencer says. “Gideon hasn’t called me yet.”
You roll your eyes. “Do you think they have any leads?”
“Maybe.” The toaster pops and he pulls the bread out, then starts buttering it—or trying to. His brow knots in annoyance at the stick of butter, still hard, and he pushes his glasses up with his free hand. You have to look away. “Like I said, Gideon helped start the BAU. He’s solved more cases than anyone else, and,” you feel his eyes on you, “it’s personal this time. He’s probably working around the clock.”
“Just have to hope they get somewhere,” you murmur. Your coffee tastes even more bitter than usual, but you drink it anyway.
“They will,” Spencer says. “I promise.”
“Y’know, people keep making promises they can’t keep,” you say. “I’m getting real tired of it.”
“Well, I’m not leaving your side until they do,” he says. “And I’m going to keep you safe. So consider that promise kept.”
“Great,” you say. “I’m stuck with you until I die or this is solved.”
“You’re not going to die.”
“You don’t have to take everything I say so seriously.”
“Then don’t say everything so seriously.”
You huff a laugh and shake your head. Spencer comes over with his plate of messily buttered toast—not very easy with fully solid sticks of butter—and sits down across from you. He holds the plate out.
“Want one?”
“I told you, I don’t eat breakfast.”
“You should.”
“Because one piece of toast will make so much of a difference,” you mock.
“It will,” he says. “Maybe it’ll even make you happier.”
You roll your eyes and drink more of your coffee. “Are you going to bother me all day like this?”
Spencer took a bite of toast then shrugged. “If you’re this blase about everything relating to your health, then yes.”
You groan as you stand up. “It’s too early to deal with you. See you in a few hours.”
“And good morning to you too,” Spencer says wryly. You make a parting gesture with your hand in response.
It’s been a day and a half, and not only have you argued with him twice, but he still refuses to give you anything to work with, still insists on trying to be there for you. It’s as infuriating as it is gratingly admirable. Anyone else probably would have tried to kill you by now.
Well, you’ve already got a stalker trying to do that.
You sigh and down half your coffee. You’ve got a long day ahead of you.
-
Spencer doesn’t know why you not liking him bothers him so much.
It’s illogical, but it makes sense for you. Your dad spends more time with him than he does with you, and you’re projecting your hatred for Gideon onto Spencer. Whatever.
But it’s not just whatever, and that irks him.
This is an assignment, simple as that. Gideon trusted him enough to put you under his protection, even if it’s for your mental health more so than your physical. It should be a point of pride, being chosen for something like this by someone like Gideon.
Spencer presses his fingers against his temple. You’re a lot, there’s no way around it. But you also claim to hate him, and he knows that’s not true.
Yes, you argue with him. Yes, you’re short with him. Yes, he lost his temper momentarily because not even Spencer is capable of endless grace.
But he also sees your moments of lightness throughout it all. Your brief smiles, the quips that lean towards jokes more than insults—and he notices your eyes, and the brightness that breaks through on occasion.
He always notices your eyes.
Spencer’s phone rings in his pocket, jolting him out of whatever reverie he found himself in. He pulls it out and flips it open, then presses it to his ear. “Gideon?”
“Reid,” he greets. “How are you doing?”
“Fine,” he says. “You’re calling twenty-four minutes early.”
“We just finished a briefing,” Gideon says. “I wanted to get word to you as soon as possible.”
Spencer sits up. “What is it?”
“Morgan, Hotch, and Garcia have been working together to comb through my past cases and see what they’re up to now. They finally found a potential unsub,” he says. “Someone I put away a decade ago was released last year, and recent records indicate he’s back in the area.”
“Who is it?” he asks.
“Adam Hernandez. Also known as—”
“The Stafford Strangler,” Spencer finishes. “He killed three people in two weeks in the 90s—classic spree killer. You caught him with David Rossi’s help.”
“Released on good behavior, despite the victims’ families campaigning against it,” Gideon says. “You know it?”
“Obviously,” he says. “I’ve read all of your old case files.”
Gideon chuckles, and he can almost imagine him shaking his head. “Of course you have.”
“Do you think Hernandez is your guy?” Spencer asks.
“I’m not sure yet,” Gideon says. “We applied for a warrant—as soon as we get it, Morgan and Elle are heading his way to ask a few questions.”
“You think he’d do something like this?” Spencer shifts his position as he frowns. “Hernandez got fired, lost his house, then went off the deep end. He killed because he didn’t see any other solution. The guy going after your daughter is a lot more emotional about all this, and—” his throat feels dry all of a sudden— “and it’s like he’s got some kind of attraction to her.”
“You don’t need to remind me,” Gideon says roughly. “We’re going for leads where we can, and we’re still working every other angle. It doesn’t end with Hernandez.”
“...Good,” Spencer says. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help from here.”
“You’re already doing everything I need you to do.” Gideon pauses, and he hears the creak of the chair in his office as he adjusts how he’s sitting. “How is my daughter doing?”
“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “Her mood changes with the wind. One second she’s trying to start a fight with me, the next she’s trying to joke around with me. It— it’s a lot, I won’t lie.”
“But how is she handling all of this?” he asks. “Staying in the safe house, dealing with a stalker, feeling like a sitting duck.”
“Very cynically,” Spencer says. “She keeps talking about dying or getting killed.”
Gideon sighs. “That sounds like her.”
“She’s… she’s mad at you, mostly.” Spencer picks at a hangnail, ignoring the sharp, temporary pain. “Every time I bring you up, it lights a fuse. You’re the one thing she hates to talk about.”
There’s nothing but silence on the other end.
“Gideon?” he asks. “Did I lose—”
“I’m here,” he interrupts. “Just… thinking.”
“It’s not your fault,” Spencer says. “She’s—”
“It is my fault,” Gideon interrupts again. “Has she told you much about her younger life?”
“...Some,” Spencer says.
“Like?”
Spencer doesn’t really know what to say. He doesn’t want to just tell Gideon that you’ve told him he’s been an awful dad. That it’s really all you’ve told him.
“You can say it, Reid,” Gideon says. “I won’t get mad.”
“...She says you’ve missed out on her whole life,” Spencer finally says, notably quieter. “Her high school graduation, her college graduation— most of the stuff that happened in college, actually.”
Gideon lets out a rough sigh. “I’ll always regret it.”
“So it’s true?” Spencer asks. He’s surprised at the sharpness of his voice.
“I don’t get to control when cases come in,” he says.
“We’re a whole team of qualified agents,” Spencer says. “We— we always have been. Especially when you and Rossi were together. It was like the golden age of profilers.”
“Spencer—”
“You made it to my graduation!” he interrupts. “You were there for my chemistry PhD, and you said you would be there when I get my philosophy degree, but you couldn’t make it for your only child’s high school and college graduations?”
“I already told you I regret it,” Gideon says. His voice is as calm as ever, and for some reason, that irks Spencer even more. “What more can I say? It’s in the past now. I can’t change what I did.”
Spencer stares at the wall. He doesn’t know why this is such a damning thing to him.
His own dad has missed all of his graduations. He’s missed almost every part of his life. But his dad walked out—he wanted nothing to do with Spencer or his mom.
Your dad is right here. Gideon is still around, working every day to save lives and change the world and take down monsters—but he’s still not there for you.
He’s so close and yet he always steps out of your reach.
“Spencer.” Gideon’s voice is tinny through the speaker, and he presses his phone back against his ear.
“Call me back the second you get another lead,” Spencer mutters.
He hangs up without another word.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#gideon!reader#spencer reid angst#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds angst#x reader#sadie writes#and yes. reader heard spencer's whole side of the convo<3
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so the thing about "read theory" as a mantra: in the social media sphere there is a consistent downplaying of what that kind of commitment actually entails, plus a consistent obfuscation of what exactly the commitment is necessary for.
let's say that you're interested in learning more about specifically "Marxist theory." This, I think, also raises a bunch of questions about what we mean by theory - works of political philosophy, texts on revolutionary and military strategy, political speeches, journalistic or sociological analysis, historiography - these varying things with very different discursive norms and standards of evidence or logic often get rolled into one singular object called "theory." but let's set that aside for now.
you want to learn this for maybe an assortment of reasons, here's a few (non-exhaustive) good ones:
Marxism has been a substantial historical force that has probably had a notable impact on the world around you in some way.
Learning about Marx/ism might offer some level of insight into your current social world that other things are unable to offer.
Many texts - Capital, The Wretched of the Earth, The Second Sex, The State and Revolution - are also world-historical forms of political literature, which is interesting.
Follow-up to 2 - maybe having some level of familiarity with these things will give you the ability to better articulate yourself and participate in social and political movements around you.
generally speaking the Social Media Marxist approach is to tell you to go read off a list of texts of whatever writers the author personally agrees with or whatever works she happens to have read. so you decide to start with the big guy Marx, who is at the top of the list. totally reasonable decision.
however, there are a few contextual questions that might reasonably come up when doing so.
first, it will be clear that Marx did not pop out of an intellectual vacuum; Lenin has a rather popular identification of the "three sources of Marxism" - post-Hegelian German philosophy, French socialism, and English political economy. from my perspective, these are more like three of his main objects of ire (and so in some sense are both influences and also breakages - but not strictly speaking a synthesis), but I digress. so, frequently, in order to grasp what Marx is talking about or responding to, you are going to need some level of familiarity with a lot of additional people: Smith, Ricardo, Malthus, Hegel, Bauer, Feuerbach, Hobbes, Spinoza, Rousseau, Mill, Sismondi. suddenly you are not just learning about the works of one guy, but his attitude towards all the people he relies on for support or aims his criticisms at. and each of those different intellectual relationships is going to be different. sometimes at different times!
second, and relatedly, Marx is not always the most charitable to the people he's criticizing, who were often rival socialists (so there were pretty notable political and personal stakes at work in proving them wrong or diminishing their influence over the movement). the introductory materials to the new translation of Capital also observe that Marx's approach to scholarship is, shall we say, haphazard; often he makes quotes or citations that are not actually representative of what he's citing. finally, many of the people he's criticizing have sort of been rendered obsolete historically *in no small part* due to the success of Marxism as a political orientation in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. so to determine whether Marx is being fair to the people he is basing his critique on, we will have to do some level of intellectual work to check. so now we're not just evaluating Marx's relationship to different thinkers but also the substantial content of each of those thinkers themselves.
third, Marx did not pop out of a social vacuum. all of these different writers didn't just crop up from nowhere but wrote within particular sociohistorical contexts, some of which were rather divorced from the European revolutionary wave, first worldwide financial crisis, and the shifting character of the United States in the wake of the Civil War and the formal abolition of slavery - some of the historical events that Marx was more explicitly engaging with. and the radical liberals, republicans, and socialists Marx criticized all also had their own intellectual and social histories. so now we're getting a little far afield from the initial notion, which was just to read some guy, and getting into the realm of social history, and trying to understand the relationship between world history and the ideas produced within it.
fourth, you are a subject in the world, which is to say YOU did not pop out of a social or intellectual vacuum. you likely bring predispositions, assumptions, biases, and cognitive distortions to what you read; we all do. working through those and trying to note where they're happening - where they might be fine and where they might be problematic - will require a certain willingness to reflect, to write, to take notes, to analyze and self-scrutinize, and to be critical of both yourself as a reader and of the text you are reading. (a nested problem is that we have a truly staggering amount of material from Marx and Engels, and you might have to make certain determinations as to which material is important or worthwhile or more useful, and identify the standards by which you think that - all of which requires a certain reflection on your status as a political thinker).
okay, so consider all that. we started with "I wanna read this one guy," we end with "to really grasp the work of this one guy it's also important to know both preceding and contemporaneous world history, his intellectual influences, and the gaps or silences or errors in his work.” now consider that, if you really want to be able to speak on them with some level of confidence and intellectual honesty, you have to apply approximately the same level of rigor to every other writer on the Social Media Marxist approved list - Lenin, Fanon, Che, Kollontai, Cabral, Mao, Luxemburg, whoever. not to mention their critics, both direct and indirect!
Marx developed his work through an incredibly sustained engagement with enormous volumes of different material; we have entire notebooks of him poring over Max Stirner, or Spinoza, or the political economists, or the empirical observations of English factory inspectors. I'm not saying that you have to do that, or even that one strictly *has* to go down any or all of the first three rabbitholes I identified. Marx was in the somewhat unique position of sustaining himself through the support of Engels and his journalistic work, as a product of being in perpetual exile. that's not the kind of position that most of us are typically in.
the point is not "commit yourself to being a perfect monastic scholar in order to reach perfect truth" - such a thing is probably a fantasy, even if we wish otherwise. the point is that if you think "theory" is worth taking seriously, well, you have to actually take it seriously. if you don’t think it has stakes or utility, that’s fine; different people find different things useful. I think “theory” is not a set of dead letters by canonical authors but produced through social life. but if “reading theory” is a way to clarify and assert yourself as a political subject and agent, to claim some intellectual autonomy and acquire some understanding that you can put into practice in your life, then that’s demanding. it’s not impossible, but it does take real effort and a commitment to study and a certain level of resistance to being dogmatic. otherwise you are just letting yourself be rhetorically persuaded by whatever is in front of you or whatever affirms your biases.
as Marx says in the preface to Capital, Volume I, "I am of course assuming that my readers will want to learn something new, and so are ready to think for themselves."
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I feel that one of the most overlooked aspects of studying the French Revolution is that, in 18th-century France, most people did not speak French. Yes, you read that correctly.
On 26 Prairial, Year II (14 June 1794), Abbé Henri Grégoire (1) stood before the Convention and delivered a report called The Report on the Necessity and Means of Annihilating Dialects and Universalising the Use of the French Language(2). This report, the culmination of a survey initiated four years earlier, sought to assess the state of languages in France. In 1790, Grégoire sent a 43-question survey to 49 informants across the departments, asking questions like: "Is the use of the French language universal in your area?" "Are one or more dialects spoken here?" and "What would be the religious and political impact of completely eradicating this dialect?"
The results were staggering. According to Grégoire's report:
“One can state without exaggeration that at least six million French people, especially in rural areas, do not know the national language; an equal number are more or less incapable of holding a sustained conversation; and, in the final analysis, those who speak it purely do not exceed three million; likely, even fewer write it correctly.” (3)
Considering that France’s population at the time was around 27 million, Grégoire’s assertion that 12 million people could barely hold a conversation in French is astonishing. This effectively meant that about 40% of the population couldn't communicate with the remaining 60%.
Now, it’s worth noting that Grégoire’s survey was heavily biased. His 49 informants (4) were educated men—clergy, lawyers, and doctors—likely sympathetic to his political views. Plus, the survey barely covered regions where dialects were close to standard French (the langue d’oïl areas) and focused heavily on the south and peripheral areas like Brittany, Flanders, and Alsace, where linguistic diversity was high.
Still, even if the numbers were inflated, the takeaway stands: a massive portion of France did not speak Standard French. “But surely,” you might ask, “they could understand each other somewhat, right? How different could those dialects really be?” Well, let’s put it this way: if Barère and Robespierre went to lunch and spoke in their regional dialects—Gascon and Picard, respectively—it wouldn’t be much of a conversation.
The linguistic make-up of France in 1790
The notion that barely anyone spoke French wasn’t new in the 1790s. The Ancien Régime had wrestled with it for centuries. The Ordinance of Villers-Cotterêts, issued in 1539, mandated the use of French in legal proceedings, banning Latin and various dialects. In the 17th and 18th centuries, numerous royal edicts enforced French in newly conquered provinces. The founding of the Académie Française in 1634 furthered this control, as the Académie aimed to standardise French, cementing its status as the kingdom's official language.
Despite these efforts, Grégoire tells us that 40% of the population could barely speak a word of French. So, if they didn’t speak French, what did they speak? Let’s take a look.
In 1790, the old provinces of the Ancien Régime were disbanded, and 83 departments named after mountains and rivers took their place. These 83 departments provide a good illustration of the incredibly diverse linguistic make-up of France.
Langue d’oïl dialects dominated the north and centre, spoken in 44 out of the 83 departments (53%). These included Picard, Norman, Champenois, Burgundian, and others—dialects sharing roots in Old French. In the south, however, the Occitan language group took over, with dialects like Languedocien, Provençal, Gascon, Limousin, and Auvergnat, making up 28 departments (34%).
Beyond these main groups, three departments in Brittany spoke Breton, a Celtic language (4%), while Alsatian and German dialects were prevalent along the eastern border (another 4%). Basque was spoken in Basses-Pyrénées, Catalan in Pyrénées-Orientales, and Corsican in the Corse department.
From a government’s perspective, this was a bit of a nightmare.
Why is linguistic diversity a governmental nightmare?
In one word: communication—or the lack of it. Try running a country when half of it doesn’t know what you’re saying.
Now, in more academic terms...
Standardising a language usually serves two main purposes: functional efficiency and national identity. Functional efficiency is self-evident. Just as with the adoption of the metric system, suppressing linguistic variation was supposed to make communication easier, reducing costly misunderstandings.
That being said, the Revolution, at first, tried to embrace linguistic diversity. After all, Standard French was, frankly, “the King’s French” and thus intrinsically elitist—available only to those who had the money to learn it. In January 1790, the deputy François-Joseph Bouchette proposed that the National Assembly publish decrees in every language spoken across France. His reasoning? “Thus, everyone will be free to read and write in the language they prefer.”
A lovely idea, but it didn’t last long. While they made some headway in translating important decrees, they soon realised that translating everything into every dialect was expensive. On top of that, finding translators for obscure dialects was its own nightmare. And so, the Republic’s brief flirtation with multilingualism was shut down rather unceremoniously.
Now, on to the more fascinating reason for linguistic standardisation: national identity.
Language and Nation
One of the major shifts during the French Revolution was in the concept of nationhood. Today, there are many ideas about what a nation is (personally, I lean towards Benedict Anderson’s definition of a nation as an “imagined community”), but definitions aside, what’s clear is that the Revolution brought a seismic change in the notion of French identity. Under the Ancien Régime, the French nation was defined as a collective that owed allegiance to the king: “One faith, one law, one king.” But after 1789, a nation became something you were meant to want to belong to. That was problematic.
Now, imagine being a peasant in the newly-created department of Vendée. (Hello, Jacques!) Between tending crops and trying to avoid trouble, Jacques hasn’t spent much time pondering his national identity. Vendéen? Well, that’s just a random name some guy in Paris gave his region. French? Unlikely—he has as much in common with Gascons as he does with the English. A subject of the King? He probably couldn’t name which king.
So, what’s left? Jacques is probably thinking about what is around him: family ties and language. It's no coincidence that the ‘brigands’ in the Vendée organised around their parishes— that’s where their identity lay.
The Revolutionary Government knew this. The monarchy had understood it too and managed to use Catholicism to legitimise their rule. The Republic didn't have such a luxury. As such, the revolutionary government found itself with the impossible task of convincing Jacques he was, in fact, French.
How to do that? Step one: ensure Jacques can actually understand them. How to accomplish that? Naturally, by teaching him.
Language Education during the Revolution
Under the Ancien Régime, education varied wildly by class, and literacy rates were abysmal. Most commoners received basic literacy from parish and Jesuit schools, while the wealthy enjoyed private tutors. In 1791, Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand (5) presented a report on education to the Constituent Assembly (6), remarking:
“A striking peculiarity of the state from which we have freed ourselves is undoubtedly that the national language, which daily extends its conquests beyond France’s borders, remains inaccessible to so many of its inhabitants." (7)
He then proposed a solution:
“Primary schools will end this inequality: the language of the Constitution and laws will be taught to all; this multitude of corrupt dialects, the last vestige of feudalism, will be compelled to disappear: circumstances demand it." (8)
A sensible plan in theory, and it garnered support from various Assembly members, Condorcet chief among them (which is always a good sign).
But, France went to war with most of Europe in 1792, making linguistic diversity both inconvenient and dangerous. Paranoia grew daily, and ensuring the government’s communications were understood by every citizen became essential. The reverse, ensuring they could understand every citizen, was equally pressing. Since education required time and money—two things the First Republic didn’t have—repression quickly became Plan B.
The War on Patois
This repression of regional languages was driven by more than abstract notions of nation-building; it was a matter of survival. After all, if Jacques the peasant didn’t see himself as French and wasn’t loyal to those shadowy figures in Paris, who would he turn to? The local lord, who spoke his dialect and whose land his family had worked for generations.
Faced with internal and external threats, the revolutionary government viewed linguistic unity as essential to the Republic’s survival. From 1793 onwards, language policy became increasingly repressive, targeting regional dialects as symbols of counter-revolution and federalist resistance. Bertrand Barère spearheaded this campaign, famously saying:
“Federalism and superstition speak Breton; emigration and hatred of the Republic speak German; counter-revolution speaks Italian, and fanaticism speaks Basque. Let us break these instruments of harm and error... Among a free people, the language must be one and the same for all.”
This, combined with Grégoire’s report, led to the Décret du 8 Pluviôse 1794, which mandated French-speaking teachers in every rural commune of departments where Breton, Italian, Basque, and German were the main languages.
Did it work? Hardly. The idea of linguistic standardisation through education was sound in principle, but France was broke, and schools cost money. Spoiler alert: France wouldn’t have a free, secular, and compulsory education system until the 1880s.
What it did accomplish, however, was two centuries of stigmatising patois and their speakers...
Notes
(1) Abbe Henri Grégoire was a French Catholic priest, revolutionary, and politician who championed linguistic and social reforms, notably advocating for the eradication of regional dialects to establish French as the national language during the French Revolution.
(2) "Sur la nécessité et les moyens d’anéantir les patois et d’universaliser l’usage de la langue francaise”
(3)On peut assurer sans exagération qu’au moins six millions de Français, sur-tout dans les campagnes, ignorent la langue nationale ; qu’un nombre égal est à-peu-près incapable de soutenir une conversation suivie ; qu’en dernier résultat, le nombre de ceux qui la parlent purement n’excède pas trois millions ; & probablement le nombre de ceux qui l’écrivent correctement est encore moindre.
(4) And, as someone who has done A LOT of statistics in my lifetime, 49 is not an appropriate sample size for a population of 27 million. At a confidence level of 95% and with a margin of error of 5%, he would need a sample size of 384 people. If he wanted to lower the margin of error at 3%, he would need 1,067. In this case, his margin of error is 14%.
That being said, this is a moot point anyway because the sampled population was not reflective of France, so the confidence level of the sample is much lower than 95%, which means the margin of error is much lower because we implicitly accept that his sample does not reflect the actual population.
(5) Yes. That Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand. It’s always him. He’s everywhere. If he hadn’t died in 1838, he’d probably still be part of Macron’s cabinet. Honestly, he’s probably haunting the Élysée as we speak — clearly the man cannot stay away from politics.
(6) For those new to the French Revolution and the First Republic, we usually refer to two legislative bodies, each with unique roles. The National Assembly (1789): formed by the Third Estate to tackle immediate social and economic issues. It later became the Constituent Assembly, drafting the 1791 Constitution and establishing a constitutional monarchy.
(7) Une singularité frappante de l'état dont nous sommes affranchis est sans doute que la langue nationale, qui chaque jour étendait ses conquêtes au-delà des limites de la France, soit restée au milieu de nous inaccessible à un si grand nombre de ses habitants.
(8) Les écoles primaires mettront fin à cette étrange inégalité : la langue de la Constitution et des lois y sera enseignée à tous ; et cette foule de dialectes corrompus, dernier reste de la féodalité, sera contraint de disparaître : la force des choses le commande
(9) Le fédéralisme et la superstition parlent bas-breton; l’émigration et la haine de la République parlent allemand; la contre révolution parle italien et le fanatisme parle basque. Brisons ces instruments de dommage et d’erreur. .. . La monarchie avait des raisons de ressembler a la tour de Babel; dans la démocratie, laisser les citoyens ignorants de la langue nationale, incapables de contréler le pouvoir, cest trahir la patrie, c'est méconnaitre les bienfaits de l'imprimerie, chaque imprimeur étant un instituteur de langue et de législation. . . . Chez un peuple libre la langue doit étre une et la méme pour tous.
(10) Patois means regional dialect in French.
#frev#french revolution#cps#mapping the cps#robespierre#bertrand barere#language diversity#amateurvoltaire's essay ramblings
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