#like during the height of 2020

[scentedluminarysoul]

I knew there was a reason I liked Japanese culture so much

[masculinepeacock]

sometimes you watch a fictional man implode his whole life and you think to yourself. i find him too relatable. i’m gonna be better. and now you do self care activities. guess who this is about.

[poughkeepsies]

rewatched the dynamite mv and felt the echo of the feelings it inspired back in 2020 and truly I need another hyperfixation like that again to feel alive

[lunityviruz]

It's only okay to riot against something if it affects white people is what I'm learning

[roseworth]

girls with no friends have one nice conversation and won’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day :)

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

[thelaughingmerman]

I watched some episodes of Count Duckula last night and it makes mee feel so happy. The colors the lineart the animation. I love how the characters talk and bounce off eachother. Even the little opening bit showing the Thames logo just before the intro makes me smile.

[hs-is-loml]

Still Love Him More. (t.b)

Pairing: Tom Blyth x Co-star!Reader, mention of Past!Charles Leclerc x Reader

Summary: some fans can't get over your past relationship with a certain famous ferrari driver while others are obsessed with your new boyfriend.

Type: Social Media AU! face claim is Rachel Zegler

Warnings: toxic fans? mentioned a slightly unhealthy past relationship with charles leclerc. (literally only mentioned and not pictured...), few grammar mistakes in the twitter threads. not a warning but tom blyth being the standard. UNEDITED

a/n: this was inspired by @sofs16 's jealousy, jealousy! + i'm deprived of charles since the f1 season being over rn so maybe i'm a little harsh with him in this... (written in 3am because why not)

masterlist

instagram

y/nupdates has posted

liked by y/nl/nsources, blindedbyblyth, 1ucygrayba1rd, and 26,936 others

y/nupdates y/n with rumored co-star boyfriend tom blyth at the knicks basketball game tonight!

tagged yourusername and tomblyth

view all 571 comments

y/nsidelove rumored? haven't they been dating since last year?

→ peetaspastry i think we all just assumed with the amount these two are together!

→ articarabella they are definitely dating! a few weeks ago y/n went on live and it was pretty much confirmed by them! they also mentioned how tom and her searching for a new place in new york

y/nforlifeee honestly, i don't know how people didn't figure it out sooner

thatonebakucorner who is this man and why is he with y/n😀

→ protectthewags it's her new love interest in tbosas

→ thatonebakucorner so what he's the her new love interest in her life too??!

twitter

instagram

blythandl/nnews has posted

liked by y/npleasegivemeachance, snowbairdsfall, fellforthebuzzcut, and 19,017 others

blythandl/nnews more pictures of y/n and tom during the tbosas

tagged yourusername and tomblyth

view all 236 comments

y/nintbosasera she found an european man with some height to him🙏🏼🙏🏼

→ finnicksspear not the shade to the vroom vroom ex😭

→ welovey/n people need to get over the fact y/n and charles have been broken up for over a year already...

blythfilms something about them just make sense

nevergettingoverthem i've never seen a photo of y/n looking so happy!

→ y/nineverymovie maybe it's because her ex's fans used to belittle her and criticized her on anything she did?

valntynemade i should've known that the f1 girlies would find this

→ staystrongy/n they never miss when y/n is spotted with someone

twitter

instagram

tbosasmemories has posted

liked by y/nupdates, th3hungergam3s, and 32,658 others

tbosasmemories behind the scenes pictures of y/n l/n and tom blyth while filming tbosas!

tagged yourusername, tomblyth, and thehungergames

view all 459 comments

lovelyy/n the casting and sets of this movie are impeccable

unfairodair only tom blyth would make people attracted to a murderous man with a buzzcut

→ watchingforthem the same thing happened with drew starkey playing rafe cameron

soundofsnowlanding the more pictures are released of tom and y/n, the more it makes sense why they fell in love with each other!

→ y/nineverymovie she always seems to laugh more when he's around

livingfory/nreputationera the best thing that happened to y/n and her mental health was getting away from her ex. not to mention how she can actually focus on her career now

→ carlosconfusion i don't get why everyone hates charles so much? what happened between him and y/n?

→ wagsforlife charles and y/n were together from around late 2020 to early 2022. during the relationship, y/n was receiving a lot of hate from charles' fans and took a break from all social media and acting until the press tour of west side story started. many fans still love them but as separate people and not a couple!

→ oneforthewags exactly, that! even though y/n isn't a wag anymore, we still love her and support her work!

tomblyth has posted

liked by yourusername, hunterschafer, mrsamclaflin, and 985,973 others

tomblyth to my favorite person who breathed life into this movie. i will never be able to thank the world for sending you into my life. you are the light in the darkest scenes. i am truly the luckiest person for having you by my side every day. you are beautiful, angel.

tagged yourusername

view all 89,342 comments

yourusername i love you

→ liked by tomblyth and 510 others

→ tomblyth and i endlessly love you.

songbirdsandsnakes snowbaird lives with you two

hunterschafer you guys are too cute!

variety hollywood's favorite couple ❤️

lunasteeples gorgeous girl

thehungergames two incredible leads

jesperjones a cast made up of the loveliest people :)

yourusername has posted

liked by tomblyth, vaughan_reilly, tchalamet and 1,041,109 others

yourusername i cried to him last night about how proud i am of him. he is so wonderful in this film. you will all love him as much as i do. but i still love him more.

but i also wanted to say that i came to adore this man through long days, fun nights, in-depth talks, and silly inside jokes. i spent every day with him and got to know his heart, his sense of humor, his charm, and first and foremost, his immense talent.

my sweet tom, you are unbelievably wonderful in every way. goofy, sincere, and lovable in every moment we have. i love working with you, but beyond that, i love knowing you.

view all 121,054 comments

tomblyth you forgot to mention that i also cried with you last night.

→ tomblyth besides that. i have never met anyone else that is as perfect as every aspect of you. no one will ever have my heart the way you do.

→ liked by yourusername and 649 others

→ yourusername you have me forever.

lilymhe loved the movie! and the amazing chemistry between the two of you!

vogue favorite on and off-screen pair

alyciajasmin beautiful people 🤍

nickkbenson biggest smiles

→ yourusername always!

florencepugh adore you both

[riacte]

Personally speaking there’s something so beautifully nostalgic about seeing hermits and co meet up and hangout irl? Like it feels like the way old conventions work (pre Covid) with post Covid technology/ technology popularised during 2020 like Scar’s remote robot. The silliness of watching them go around and compare heights and talk to each other. The pie thing. People interacting with Scar through the robot. Martyn being a champ and powering through reading the donos despite being sick. PEOPLE SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF EACH OTHER’S STREAMS. Each stream providing a slightly different pov but you vaguely here the same audio in the background because they’re all together!! They’re just really just a group of friends who organised a charity event and they’re hanging out <3

[wileys-russo]

putting the ex in sex II j.hermoso

18+ mature content, minors DNI!! - alexia and jenni never dated in this bc i said so. this is my first time posting anything 18+ so be nice (i may end up deleting it who knows) but strap in my friends, she's a long one at 12K.

putting the ex in sex II j.hermoso

when you finally broke up with jenni after three years together it felt like your entire life came crashing down and your world shattered around you.

you'd fallen in love hard and fast with the tall tattooed striker and from the moment you were introduced it had always been near impossible not to be drawn to her enigmatic charm and wolfish grin.

her charisma and effortless self confidence could just as easily be written off as arrogance to someone who didn't know her, not helped by the often cocky smile plastered to her face.

though you couldn't deny you'd found her attractive from first glance, your best friend alexia introducing the two of you when you finally signed for barcelona a season after jenni had returned.

you'd briefly known of jenni before you'd properly met her, having seen her scattered across your friends social media posts and stories over the years.

you'd grown up with alexia and though you were a couple of years younger than her you were incredibly close, and you found yourself often looking to her like the sister you'd never had.

which is why she'd been nothing short of devastated when despite going through the academy together you weren't offered a professional senior contract with your home club like she was.

you instead signed with atlético madrid and alexia had been heartbroken when you moved across the country. but despite that the two of you stayed just as close and you slowly climbed up the professional ranks, using your rejection from barcelona to only push your football to new heights.

you bounced between a few different clubs through spain as you grew up, even making the move over to germany to play for wolfsburg for a couple of seasons later on in your career, the different style of football helping your development even further.

and it paid off as finally in the same year you'd received your first national call up for spain you were offered a contract with barcelona, alexia having caught wind before you'd even had time to consider, calling you and yelling at you that if you didn't accept she would personally fly to germany, forge your signature, kidnap you and bring you home in her suitcase.

and so signing with barcelona in 2020 you were delighted that you already knew a few of the girls from your various other clubs. mainly having played alongside both ingrid and fridolina in germany before they'd moved, as well as maría, or mapi as she preferred to go by, for a couple of seasons during your time at atlético.

so welcomed in with open arms and unable to shake alexia from being stuck to your side even if you wanted to, it didn't take long before your place within the team felt cemented and secured.

but there was always just one thing lingering at the back of your mind day by day, jenni.

from the moment you'd both been introduced the older girl had kept an eye on you, unable to quite put her finger on what it was that had her so drawn toward you.

though the more time you spent together, even mostly in small groups, the closer you both became.

everything started to shift when after a particularly lavish win over real madrid and eight days between your last match and the next you all decided to go out that night as a team.

one or ten too many tequila shots consumed jenni was unable to keep her hands off of you as you pulled her with you to the dance floor, grinding your body against hers now it was flooded with liquid courage and too many shots of your own.

it was safe to say one thing lead to another and you found yourself waking up that next morning in a bed that wasn't yours, trapped by muscular tattooed arms that also weren't yours, and with your naked body pressed against another that also was not yours.

before you had time to panic and think of an escape route to avoid any awkwardness jenni had stirred beside you, one bright green eye cracking open tiredly as her lips curled into a lazy smile.

"so, does this mean i can take you to dinner tonight guapa?"

it didn't take many of those little dinners, lunches and drives to and from trainings with her and some certain added benefits, before you came to the abrupt and sudden realization that you wanted more, you wanted her.

though jenni beat you to the punch appearing on your doorstep that week with a large bunch of flowers and the signature bright eyed cocky smile you swooned for, asking you to be her girlfriend.

the striker was barely able to get the words out before you were nodding eagerly and launching at her, her laughter at you silenced as you'd smashed your lips to hers, flowers discarded on your kitchen counter as she was quick to carry you off to the bedroom.

and for the next couple of years you continued to only fall harder and faster for her, moving in together after a few months and rapidly ticking off the boxes one by one toward building a life together.

but everything came to a screaming halt when one night she'd sat you down and came clean about her intentions to move to mexico once her contract was up with barcelona at the end of the season.

you wanted to be mad, you wanted to yell at her and hit her and cry out about how she was leaving you and leaving the life you'd built together behind.

but you couldn't, you loved her far too much to ever be that selfish knowing that over the last couple of months that twinkle in her eyes when on the pitch had dimmed just a little.

so you promised it didn't change anything as you started to help her pack her half of your shared life together into boxes, spending nights curled up in bed together planning about how you could continue this on opposite sides of the world, blinded by the fierce love budding in your hearts for one another to even consider otherwise.

the day she finally moved you'd never deny she took a piece of your heart with her which you trusted she'd look after, your girlfriend having made your best friends promise to look after you in her absence as she left behind her own half a heart in your safe and trustworthy hands.

and for the first six months things seemed to be okay, they were far from perfect as your relationship did its best to career over the inevitable speed bumps of the now permanent distance between you two, but they were okay.

but in all your forward planning what you hadn't accounted for was jenni's jealousy turning from something you found endearing, to something far far more toxic when it inevitably began to rot at the foundation of your now long distance relationship.

at first in the honeymoon stages of getting together you'd found the older girls jealousy quite flattering knowing it came from a place of sheer adoration and infatuation with you.

you'd melt when jenni's hand would firmly wrap around your waist or sit on the small of your back when out in public together, part of her skin always needing to be touching you no matter what. the way that her lips would graze the back of your neck or your shoulder blade as she pressed her taller body against yours.

but when jenni moved to another country and suddenly she wasn't able to seek out that physical assurance you were hers and only hers, it started to eat at her much more than she felt able to communicate, the fear of how others might perceive you without her there to assert that you were a very happily taken woman eating away at her.

you'd go out with friends and be bombarded with call after call from your girlfriend, demanding to know a list of who you were out with and proof that you weren't lying.

you'd tried time and time again to ask her where this sudden distrust came from, the questions dismissed as jenni noticed through videos on your friends stories a few of the newer signings gawking at you in ways only she was allowed to, your body hers and hers only to fantasize about.

the rampant calls and constant need to know where you were and who you were with then shifted into trying to police what you wore. the moment you even hinted at leaving the house for a social commitment jenni would be face timing you and ordering you to allow her to pick your outfit.

of course this need of jenni's to seemingly control every little aspect of your freedom and autonomy didn't sit well with you, and you often found yourself lying about plans just to avoid the arguments you knew would arise when you didn't give into her every single demand.

this in turn only meant your fights became uglier, more personal, both of you knowing exactly where to hit the other where it hurt. then suddenly that fierce love which had kept you connected, that invisible string which was always drawing you together despite the distance, snapped.

you still loved jenni, you really really did, and she would always have that piece of your heart you'd given her to take when she'd left for mexico.

but you just couldn't continue on like it was between you both anymore.

when you'd initiated the conversation about how you were feeling and she'd for once made no move to argue with you or fight for the relationship, it hurt like hell but you knew you'd made the right choice as you both confirmed your split.

jenni had already been playing in mexico for a season when the two of you parted ways so at least it removed the awkward possibility of playing on the same team anymore and having to see one another near daily as you adjusted to life now properly apart.

unsure if it had been a blessing or a curse an invisible game of tennis seemed to occur, with you and jenni seeming to bounce from injury to injury between you, paths never crossing for months as you weren't called up to national duty at the same time.

you'd barely spoken since the break up bar a few very basic congratulations on achievements or apologies for injuries exchanged over instagram before you'd made the first move and unfollowed her which she followed suit, numbers never deleted from one anothers phones but texts threads long gone.

despite how much it hurt to see them one thing you couldn't seem to bring yourself to do was delete your pictures with jenni, instead moving them all to a locked folder in your camera roll which alexia had put a password on and refused to share with you 'for your own good'.

despite her obvious long term loyalty to you as your best friend for more years than could be counted on both hands you knew alexia and jenni were still friends, as your ex still was with most of your current team mates both for club and country.

which lead for the first few months following your break up to a series of icy interactions at social events for these shared friends, both of you refusing to even acknowledge the other despite your friends attempts to ease the tension which you both flat out denied was there, claiming you'd moved on and all was fine.

you hadn't of course, not even close.

you'd tried time and time again to be with other women but found yourself loathing your ex even more for the fact that no matter what you tried jenni still rented a permanent space in your mind, and no one compared to the way she knew you and your body.

you had no idea but it was the same situation for jenni, the striker throwing herself into countless situationships and hookups as a coping mechanism for the gaping chasm you'd left in her life since you exited it, but nothing came even close in satisfying her the way being with you had.

when it had hit almost a year since your split you were invited out for mapi's birthday, eager for a night of drinking and dancing after you were finally cleared medically after suffering a small tear in your hamstring.

since jenni was in town visiting friends and family she too had been extended an invitation, something you'd had no idea of given neither of you had the other on social media and jenni hardly felt obliged to send her ex a text message with a spontaneous heads up of her whereabouts.

"you didn't tell them!? por dios maría!" alexia smacked the younger girl upside the head when she'd revealed the truth as they got ready together, you running late as you'd had some car troubles, something in the past your now ex girlfriend would have been your first call for help, though now single you'd had to rely on a mechanic instead.

"you said you told them amor!" ingrid groaned in agreement as mapi shrunk under the disapproving gazes of the taller women in front of her.

"i want them both to come! if i told them they might not have gone, and it is my birthday. do i not get a say in who comes?" mapi tried to defend herself to no avail, shrinking further as both her best friend and girlfriend lectured her tirelessly.

but they were cut off as the buzzer went, mapi quick to dart away and punch in her code letting you into the building, grinning as you flipped her off through the camera and disappeared into the elevator, knocking on the door a few minutes later.

"feliz cumpleaños puta!" you sang out happily as the defender opened the door, nearly falling onto her ass as you launched at her in a bear hug.

"why do you two look so miserable? i know you hate fun ale but tonight is not about you." you dropped down from mapi's back and squeezed your best friends shoulder sympathetically who huffed and pushed you away making you grin.

"jenni is going tonight." alexia blurted out as both mapi and ingrid winced and you gave them a strange look, handing the birthday girl a bottle of tequila as she kissed your cheek gratefully and zoomed off to grab shot glasses.

"and this is why you both look so nervous? está bien amiga's, we're both big girls i'm sure we can be in the same room for a few hours." you chuckled, everyone surprised at your reaction but deciding not to push it further.

well, two out of three did as mapi returned and clapped calling for shots.

"alexia i will be on my very best behaviour, promesa. now stop scowling you will get wrinkles abuela!" you teased as mapi handed you both a shot and the brunette hummed. "you better be, i do not feel like breaking up a boxing match tonight." your best friends eyes rolled as you bumped your shoulder into hers.

"hey the only person who wants to fight me when i'm drunk is maría." you pointed out as you all downed your shots and the birthday girl laughed, clinking her shot glass against yours with a wink

"sí, and i always win!"

the room full of your friends cheering as mapi entered you and alexia broke away from the group which surged toward the birthday girl to greet her, heading toward the bar as jenni spotted you and nearly choked on her drink, misa hitting her on the back with a concerned look.

though as laia poked her and nodded in your direction everything suddenly made sense.

"what? i swallowed a bug." jenni dismissed the knowing looks from her friends, a slight blush coating your cheeks as her eyes couldn't help but note the very short dress hugging your curves in all the right places, something stirring in her stomach at the way alexia's arm wrapped around you as you both ordered a drink.

but she swallowed it down as quickly as it reared its head, turning her body away from you and making an effort to converse with the small group she was sat with, perfectly content with pretending you didn't exist.

you managed to avoid one another for most of the night, the group now halved as nearly everyone was tipsy to say the least and twirling one another around on the dance floor, poor ingrid left to babysit a very drunk mapi who had already been threatened with being kicked out as she tried to get up on the tables and dance.

"hola." jenni tensed a little at your voice as you finally appeared beside her, ordering a drink and leaning against the bar as your ex sent you a polite smile. "hola." she greeted back, fingers drumming anxiously against the counter top.

"cómo has estado?" you asked, raising an eyebrow as jenni looked back to you in surprise, assuming the simple hello would be all she'd get out of you which she'd been fine with.

"eh fine, and you?" she asked as you smiled, something which actually seemed sincere as it met your eyes. "only fine? you just won the league, no?" you laughed, a melodic little noise which jenni had forgotten how much she'd missed.

"sí, maybe a little better than fine then." jenni grinned, both of you falling comfortably into conversation as a few of your friends watched on cautiously from afar as if awaiting a bomb to go off.

but when after around ten minutes you hugged and parted ways their worries eased, both of you assuring everything had been friendly and you were just catching up, reminding that just because you'd not worked out romantically didn't mean one day you might not be able to be friends.

and in the moment both of you had truly believed that might be possible.

~

nearly a year of build up and finally it happened, the squad roster for the world cup and prep camp was announced and both your own and jenni's names were on it, you'd be playing together again for the first time since your split.

not having spoken since mapi's birthday an olive branch had still seemingly been extended, jenni following you again on instagram as after a couple of days you'd done the same though you'd not interacted bar a few odd likes on posts.

despite alexia's obvious concern you waved off her worries, assuring you had both come to an agreement of sorts at mapi's birthday that you'd like to try and be friends if not at least civil and polite with one another.

your best friend was suspicious but supportive, the two of you arriving to camp together and embracing all of your national teammates you'd not seen in months now as everyone spent the afternoon catching up.

and much to everyones surprise the entire camp and tournament you and jenni seemed on good terms, you'd not hung out or interacted very much one on one but given you were all quite close with the same small group when away on national camp you'd had no issues spending time together in that setting.

as you all flew to new zealand and the tournament kicked off you hugged one another after victories and consoled each other after the loss against japan, any lingering tension melting away as you settled into this new normal building between you both.

everything had been fine and it seemed like you were well on the right track to indeed being friends again, but then you'd won the world cup.

the night of celebrations following your victory had been hazy to say the least, alcohol flowing like water as you all danced and drank and celebrated late into the night.

you had no recollection of going to bed and so waking up with a body beside you you'd assumed it was likely alexia. given it wouldn't be the first time your best friend had dragged you to bed with her when you were far too drunk to walk there yourself.

but as you shifted and groaned quietly at the way your head pounded, an arm settled over your torso pulling you a little closer and you cracked one eye open, very quickly realizing you were half naked and there was an all too familiar ache in your lower body.

and the arm currently holding you was in fact not alexia's.

"oh dios mio. por favor no!" you groaned a little louder this time, burying your face in your hands as small snippets of last night flickered through your mind.

"oh sí, buenos días princesa!" jenni now lay awake beside you, arm retracting from your waist as she stretched with a grunt and flashed you an infuriatingly smug smirk. "do not call me that. get out!" you huffed, in denial that this was even happening right now.

"get out of my room?" jenni chuckled, rolling onto her side and pushing herself up a little, looking down at you as the smirk never left her lips and you continued to hide your face in your hands.

"this never happened. i was drunk, i didn't know what i was doing and you should have stopped it!" you sat up suddenly and shoved at your ex who scoffed as you bent over the edge of the bed, rummaging around the pile of clothes on the floor and pulling out a shirt quickly tugging it on and covering your naked top half.

"me? i tried! but you jumped me like a saltamontes, started grinding on me and dry humping my leg over and over like-" her words fell short as you filled with both rage and embarrassment lunged at her, hands raining down slaps on any inch of her you could connect with, jenni making a strange noise and shielding herself with her arms against the attack.

"vale! vale! this never happened." jenni finally caught your hands in hers as you scowled and pulled them free, slipping out of bed grateful you still had underwear on, clicking your tongue disapprovingly at your ex whose eyes roamed your bare legs.

"it never happened and it won't happen again." you warned, grabbing a pair of jeans which you thought were yours and wriggling yourself into them as jenni rolled her eyes.

"how would it never happen again if it did not happen once?" sitting up properly still half naked the older girl clearly had no shame as she ran a hand through her raven black hair, pushing it to one side of her head.

jenni stretching properly her breasts sat to attention and she caught your eyes flickering toward them as the smug smirk returned to her lips and heat crept up your neck as your gaze wrenched away.

but as you went to leave you heard her clear her throat, slowly turning back around and raising an eyebrow, crossing your arms over your chest.

"you have something of mine." jenni grinned holding up the other shirt which had been on the floor, turning it to show your number as you glanced down at the one you had on and sighed seeing it was indeed hers.

gesturing for her to toss your shirt to you she shook her head, still grinning at you only boiling your blood. "you first." she gestured for you to return her own top, knowing full well you had nothing else on underneath as your jaw clenched.

with a huff you stripped it off and hauled it at her with all the strength you could muster, the material hitting her in the face as you stormed over and snatched yours from her hand, quickly pulling it on and making a beeline for her door as jenni peeled her top from her face.

"hey chica!" you paused with another deep seeded sigh, hand on the door handle as you again turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

"your ass still looks perfecta in those jeans." your ex grinned as you withheld the urge to launch at her again, simply flinging her door open and yanking it closed with an angry slam.

jenni only chuckled and tossed her own shirt back to the floor, getting comfortable in bed intending to sleep for another few hours until you all needed to leave for the airport later in the day.

for the entire plane ride back and the rest of the post win celebrations now home in spain you steered well clear of your ex, using your hangover as an excuse which seemed to fly with the team who were too busy with their own post win endorphins to pay your odd behavior any attention.

it seemed despite that slip up jenni had agreed that in fact that night never happened, as the months passed and you didn't hear a word from her, not telling a single soul about where you'd woken up that morning.

you didn't see your ex again until a couple of months later toward the back end of october, both of you in london for the week with media commitments for adidas and the ballon d'or ceremony.

you knew from the schedule you'd been emailed that you'd not be able to avoid her, and with nearly all of your friends gushing about how great it was you and jenni were so mature and able to be so friendly despite everything, you knew you had to save face.

so you touched down in london with the lingering hope that maybe you could rectify the mistake made back in august in australia and try to get back on track as friends with the older girl.

the first time you saw her had been at a shoot with adidas for their newest boots, you and jenni of course booked in for the same morning session as the english girls also sponsored clenched the later slot with media of their own to attend to.

it seemed that jenni could in fact be mature when she wanted to as there was no jokes made about either your ass or that night you spent together, the striker truly nothing but friendly and professional.

what you failed to notice however was the way her eyes roamed over you as it was your turn to be photographed, clad only in bike shorts and a sports bra as jenni keenly noticed the new tattoo littering your back, knowing your body so well you could have had a new freckle and she would have picked up on it.

you tensed as the shoot was called for the day and a cold finger absentmindedly traced the dragon which wound down your spine. "i like this." jenni hummed, touch gone as soon as it had arrived as you pulled on a shirt and turned to face her.

"gracias." you smiled politely, called away by your agent before she could say another word, jenni's own attention also needed elsewhere. and for the next couple of days you avoided one another, none the wiser that in fact you were staying in the same hotel as your busy schedules kept you away for most of your time in london.

both of you having taken a few group photos together and exchanging pleasantries the night before at the ballon d'or ceremony, surrounded by other friends and teammates it was easy enough to avoid one another even if that hadn't been intentional.

it came as a surprise as jenni entered the bar of the hotel she was staying at, having waved off her management agency after the last meeting of the trip with now the final night in london to herself, and she spotted you already sat inside at a table by yourself where you'd also just wrapped up your final meeting of the trip.

"hola!" you looked up from your phone and sighed at the toothy grin which greeted you, jenni sitting herself right down opposite you before you could even say another word. "oh claro, do sit down." you chuckled with a roll of your eyes.

"gracias, have you eaten?"

the two of you again seemed to be mature enough not to bring anything up as you ate and drank, jenni of course making jokes about other things to pull any laughter from you she could.

the sound was addictive to her like a drug and you'd always teased her for being quite the jester, egging on she just needed to get a red nose tattooed next to which she'd just rolled her eyes at in amusement.

"i should go, early flight." you excused yourself politely once your plates were cleared, jenni signalling for the check as she caught the waiters eye.

"mine too, but this was nice." jenni smiled sincerely which you returned, a comfortable silence settling before the check was placed down and your ex grabbed it before you could, slipping her card in and handing it back.

"jenni!" you protested with wide eyes, a tattooed hand waving off your protests as her card was returned and you both stood to your feet, your arguments falling on deaf ears as you walked together to the elevator.

"you are so infuriating sometimes hermoso, i could have paid!" you rolled your eyes as the doors closed. "sí you could have, but if you wanted to then you should have been faster." jenni smirked, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall of the elevator.

as she did your eyes couldn't help but roam her body, the girl clad only in suit pants and a matching vest top leaving her tattooed muscular arms out on full display as something stirred within you and you cleared your throat looking away.

meanwhile jenni's own eyes wandered down to your exposed cleavage of the tight corset top you had on, jaw clenching as you inhaled and exhaled deeply sending your chest bobbing up and down which her gaze followed.

without either of you saying a single thing the energy in the elevator suddenly shifted, the floors seeming to slow as they passed one by one, both of your rooms on the upper levels as jenni's bright green eyes met yours.

though you'd only had a few wines at dinner you could feel the alcohol buzzing at the tips of your fingers and before either one of you could blink your lips smashed against one another.

the kiss was messy and clumsy as jenni's hands gripped your hips pressing you against the wall, yours cupping her jaw and grabbing the back of her neck deepening the kiss further.

tongues clashed against teeth and you withheld the urge to moan at the faint taste of red wine and spearmint gum in the older girls mouth, her tongue shoved down your throat as your breath hitched a little.

but just as quickly as you'd latched onto one another you pushed apart, chests heaving as the doors opened and jenni placed her foot across it to stop it closing right away.

"ven aquí." she rasped and pointed to the floor in front of her as you stepped forward and her hands fell either side of your face, her thumb carefully wiping away your now smudged lipstick as your heart rate accelerated again at the oddly tender gesture.

as the taller girl leaned down you puckered your lips assuming she'd kiss you again, only hers curled into their usual smug smirk as they ghosted your own.

"7012." was all she said, her touch disappearing as she stepped out of the elevator and turned, walking away from you without a single look back as you frowned and the doors closed.

you were stunned to silence as the elevator continued upward to your own floor, your skin burning where her hands had been just mere seconds ago.

the ghost of jenni's touch lingering against your body you loathed the way you craved for it to come back, and it was almost as if you blacked out as within what felt like seconds you were outside her door and knocking furiously on it.

"hola." she pulled it open and sang out with a cocky smile, leaning in the doorway as you huffed and forced your eyes not to drop down to where she'd unbuttoned her vest top, conveniently not wearing a bra.

"i don't want to get back together." you started firmly, jenni's smile never dropping from her face as she hummed. "neither do i." she shrugged, hands reaching out to settle on your waist.

slender fingers traced the slivers of skin which protruded from the slits down either side of the top you had on meaning you shivered a little causing her smirk to widen.

"so are you coming inside or would you like me to fuck you in the hallway?" the casual tone in which she said the words had your eyes widening as you looked around and slapped a hand over her mouth pushing her inside.

"nobody is around! relajarse." jenni laughed pulling your hand away as the door closed behind you. "this-" you gestured between the two of you. "-means nothing, sí?" you warned as sternly as you could manage with the predatory way she grinned down at you.

"i have missed the way you think you can boss me around." jenni smirked, advancing slowly toward you with a shake of her head as you huffed.

"we both know who really called the shots when we were together jennifer." you bit back, undeterred as her body met yours and walked you backward until your back hit the door, muscular arms caging you in as her large tattooed hands splayed against the wood either side of your head.

"maybe. but inside the bedroom that was not you, was it?" jenni tutted condescendingly, leaning down as her breath fanned your face. "oh and look where we are cariño? a bedroom." her cocky chuckled vibrated against your neck.

"so are you going to do something then?" you challenged as her head pulled back and she quirked an eyebrow, accepting the bait dangled as her hands grabbed your thighs and easily hoisted you up into her arms, your legs wrapping around her hips as you pressed your lips hungrily against hers.

with her hands occupied yours gripped the back of her neck, dominating the kiss for once and smiling against her lips as you sucked on her tongue and she moaned quietly only spurring you on further.

which is why when your back met the mattress you were quick to push her off of you, straddling her instead and connecting your lips again, only breaking apart as jenni tapped your hips and you pulled your top off as she did the same, both items tossed to the floor.

"hola mis chicas." jenni grinned at your decision to also not wear a bra as her veiny hands squeezed teasingly at your breasts and you groaned. "don't do that! mi dios you are like a horny teenage boy talking to them and that is not a turn on." you warned with a roll of your eyes.

"so bossy." jenni teased as her hands kneaded at them, lips millimeters from yours as suddenly her cold fingers sharply pinched your nipples causing a moan to fly out of your mouth and your head to flick backwards.

"i know how to deal with that though, don't i amor?" jenni cooed as her fingers teasingly tugged at your nipples and you could only nod at the mix of both pleasure and pain as her lips softly kissed at the column of your throat.

"what would everyone else say if they saw you right now hm?" jenni questioned as your hips began to rock against hers subconsciously and her large hands switched between both squeezing and pinching at your chest as her teeth tugged playfully on the lobe of your ear.

"jen no marks!" you warned with a gasp as she nipped at your neck, but her tongue was already licking over the fast forming bruise to soothe it by the time the words left your mouth.

"told you this ass looked perfecta mm? even better in these tight pants tonight cari." you moaned again as her hands trailed downwards to cup your ass instead, squeezing suddenly before you surged forward and captured her lips in a messy kiss.

"less talking more touching." you mumbled out as your hands rubbed across the strong muscles of her back. if you wanted to you could have traced each and every tattoo there from memory, the way your nails dragged against jenni's skin with a slight sting encouraged the girl under you to continue what she was doing.

you fought her to take over the kiss though with a sudden and sharp smack to your left ass cheek a small gasp was all it took for her to win dominance, other hand grabbing your jaw to hold your head still.

your bottom lip trapped between her teeth she tugged on it and gave you that trademark smug smirk, sucking it sharply back into her mouth as you exhaled and jerked on her lap, needing more.

"such a big mouth and bossy attitude but when it comes down to it bebita it is only good for one thing, sí?" jenni mocked, the air stolen from your lungs as suddenly you were beneath her again, shifting uncomfortably as you felt wetness gathering in your underwear though still trapped in the pants you'd worn to dinner.

your pupils dilated even further as her hair which was for once out fell down to frame her face, bright white teeth baring down at you as her strong tattooed hand came to wrap around your neck, squeezing gently to test the waters rewarding her with a small moan which had her ego inflating to the roof.

"but i will put your mouth to work a little later. now i think you need me to take care of you amor, tan impaciente y tan necesitado."

~

jenni wasn't surprised to wake up to an empty bed the next morning as you'd left for the airport already, every single trace of you gone from her room bar the few marks you'd left on her body and the slight ache between her legs which caused her to smile lazily at the memories of last night.

it was safe to say after that night the two of you fell into an understanding of sorts.

meaning that night was not a one time occurrence, both assuring one another each time that it meant nothing, jenni's eyes rolling as you reminded her over and over you had no intentions of getting back together despite her never asking you to.

you'd managed to keep everything between only the two of you, as far as you knew anyway as you'd not breathed a word to anyone of the late night encounters. sleeping together an additional four times as the months passed until you were both once again called up to spain for national duty and the nations league games.

but knowing there was dozens of your close friends around at all times, none of which were stupid, you had to be cautious not to alert them to anything. so the two of you remaining friendly you'd again and again brushed off jenni's attempts to get you into bed with her during camp.

though you couldn't resist her completely after delivering a crushing 7-1 victory over switzerland, your needs surpassing perhaps your logic as you caught jenni's eye in the change rooms after the match when the celebrations started.

neither of you needed to say a word to know what was going to inevitably follow later that night, but that didn't mean you didn't reap some joy in making her work for it.

all throughout the evening your ex had tried to again catch your eye to hint she'd like to head upstairs as the team celebrated in one of the conference rooms of the hotel.

family and friends welcomed as well you'd found yourself pulled into conversation with your best friends younger sister, alba chattering your ear off and introducing you to a few of her friends which had come to watch.

one of them in particular seemed to take a liking to you, and jenni found her patience wearing thin as with alexia distracted with the presence of her girlfriend nobody stepped in to pull your attention away from alba's incredibly handsy friend.

but knowing she had no claim over you or your focus anymore jenni did her best to distract herself, dancing until her feet felt they might drop off as misa tried time and time again to shove shots down her throat.

but jenni still hopeful of the night ending the way she wanted it to did her best to remain mostly sober, managing to palm off drink after drink to whomever of her teammates was closest at the time.

but as the night started to slowly wind down jenni didnt miss the way various other couples all disappeared together one by one and her yearning for you grew, her patience finally wearing thin.

watching you run a hand through your hair and tilt your head to the side with a loud laugh at something that was likely not very funny, jenni's blood ran cold knowing all too well that was how you flirted.

it was within seconds jenni had a scary realisation as emotions she'd kept bottled up all rose to the surface and she felt lightheaded.

jenni wasn't over you, not even close.

with that in mind the older girl knew the best and smartest move would now be to call it a night, take herself up to her room and recognize that these new feelings heavily complicated whatever arrangement had fallen between you both.

but no, that was far too logical and still with a yearning to follow through on what she'd planned, she made her move.

"hola." you looked up in surprise hearing jenni's voice as she stood behind you, alba's friend you'd been talking to giving her a curious look as jenni's hand squeezed your shoulder.

"you are?" the girl questioned jenni as you shook your head with a small smile at the way her hand stayed on your shoulder. "jenni, her girlfriend." but it was wiped away at that as your head whipped around to glare at her.

"ex girlfriend." you clarified firmly as alba's friend chuckled and pushed to stand up. "sounds complicated. maybe i will see you around barcelona!" she tipped her drink to you before wandering off as you pushed away jenni's hand and stood.

"you cannot help yourself can you?" you accused with arms crossed over your chest. "who, me? she looked like she was making you uncomfortable! i was just being a good friend, really." jenni smiled charmingly, fear causing her stomach to clench as you placed down your drink and walked off without a word.

"well, are you coming or not jennifer?" you called out over your shoulder, anybody within earshot far too drunk to care as jenni near tripped over her own feet in her haste to follow you out of the conference room.

not unlike that night in london the moment you were alone in the elevator your lips connected, though albeit a little more cautiously well aware that if the doors did open anyone could walk in.

you sprang away from one another the moment they did, attempting to straighten yourselves out as she walked just behind you toward your room which was closer than hers.

even with nobody around to see you were nervous as you opened your door and let her in, eyes scanning the empty hallway with a nod before you closed the door, her hands and lips right back on you the moment you did.

"you enjoy this, don't you?" jenni pulled away to question, one hand gripping your neck as the other rubbed small circles into your hip. "making you work for something? very much so." you hadn't answered the question she'd really been asking, too horny to catch onto the hidden meaning as you flashed her a grin.

your smug smile only grew as jenni pushed your body against the wall with a thump, veiny tattooed hands firmly clasping either side of your face and tilting your head back so her tongue could explore every single inch of your mouth as her lips pressed hungrily against yours.

"why did we break up again?" the taller girl pulled away and rasped, both your chests heaving slightly before her lips attacked yours once more.

"you’re stubborn, controlling, argumentative and immature." you mumbled out in between kisses, your own hands slipping up her shirt and pressing against her abs.

"oh is that all?" jenni let you go with a chuckle, grabbing your hands where they were wandering and pinning them against the wall by your sides with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"no you also have jealousy issues, shit tattoos and a superiority complex." you smirked up at her as the older girl snickered and shook her head, letting go of your hands and instead grabbing at your thighs as you jumped on instinct.

"mm princesa now you are just hurting my ego." jenni pouted sarcastically, the two of you now at eyeline as she spun around and walked you both toward the bed, a small hiss leaving your lips as jenni nipped sharply at your neck, tanned skin trapped between her teeth.

"did I mention that’s also grossly inflated?" you breathed out as your back met the mattress and the striker hovered over you with a wolfish grin, jet black hair falling around the two of you like a curtain.

"maybe once or twice." "bien, someone has to keep it in check."

"again with that big mouth cari." jenni tutted, eyes roaming your face with a smirk as your own lips curled upward and you shrugged. "you've always loved it, its not nice to lie." you exhaled, eyes fluttering closed as her hands slipped up your shirt.

"sí, but i much more enjoy the pretty little sounds i can pull from it." jenni teased as you gasped, her hand suddenly slipping down into your shorts and gently caressing you where you needed her though over your underwear.

but right as it seemed your needs would be met her hand retracted and she sat up, shuffling back a little to sit against the headboard of your bed.

"fuera de." her fingers tugged at the bottom of your shirt, making no move to undress herself as you raised an eyebrow but moved to stand, pulling off both your shirt and your bra as your ex watched on through hooded eyes.

"todo." jenni clicked her tongue and nodded to your shorts as you tried to join her on the bed again, rolling your eyes but pulling them down to your ankles, a little slower than really needed as you smirked at the way her eyes never left your now bare chest.

as much as jenni always appreciated your ass, she would always be a boob girl at heart and you knew exactly how to use it to your advantage to get what you wanted.

"you now." you spoke up as jenni smiled and looked like she wanted to say something but stood none the less, ridding herself of her shirt but keeping on both her shorts and sports bra.

"todo." you mocked her earlier word, pointer finger snapping teasingly at the waistband of her shorts with a grin as she towered over you her head shook and she let out a chuckle.

"no." was all she spoke before suddenly you were pinned beneath her on the bed, hands either side of your head and hips pressed to the mattress under her own.

"remember guapa, you like to think you are in charge but that is never the case. is it?" jenni cooed, face hovering just above yours with a teasing grin, letting go of your hands in favour of playing with your chest instead as your eyes closed.

but jenni knowing your own body perhaps better than you did with a sharp tweak of your nipple in her left hand and her mouth sucking at the right a loud moan left your lips as your hands now free tangled in her hair.

your breath caught in your throat as without warning her other hand pulled down your underwear, pushing herself up and off of you for a moment to allow her to kick the black lace away from your ankles in one simple maneuver before she settled herself back on top of you.

"jen por favor!" you breathed out, now uncomfortably wet and needing her to do something about it. "mm what? use that big mouth to tell me what you want and maybe you will get it querida." jenni teased, your mouth opening and closing as her hand trailed slowly down your bare stomach.

"need you." you managed out as her other hand found its home wrapped around your neck, squeezing lightly as you moaned and the sound was music to her ears, rewarded with a kiss that had your head spinning for it.

"need me..." jenni cooed in your ear as she pulled away, teasingly pushing one finger inside you as your hips bucked but she pushed them back down into the mattress with her own, squeezing your neck again when you didn't answer.

"normally so much to say hermosa, no problem running your mouth to your little friend tonight no?" jenni teased, slowly pumping the single digit in and out only causing your need for her to grow as you moaned again.

"do you wish it was her here instead of me? her fingers inside you and her tongue in your mouth? zorrita." jenni hissed in your ear as another finger joined the first and her pace sped up slightly.

though not anywhere near close to what you needed from her you tried to grind upward, the hand which had been wrapped around your neck moving to press against your bare stomach forcing your body to sink deeper into the soft mattress beneath you.

growing impatient of her teasing and with cheeks flushed red your hand flew to tangle in her hair, grabbing a fistful and tugging on it with a huff.

"cállate y fóllame!" you ordered, though it came out much less stern than you'd hoped as your head pushed back into the mattress when her fingers pumped faster.

"mi niña buena. there's that little mouth!" jenni grinned as a string of curses left your lips and you squirmed beneath her, the coil in your stomach starting to tighten as her skilled slender fingers pistoned rapidly in and out of you.

"i'm close! jenni i'm gonna come." you manged to gasp out, nails scratching down her back as you neared the edge. "no, hold it." your eyes flew back open at her words, staring up at her in disbelief as she smirked down at you.

"i can't." "you can." "no jenni por fav-"

"be a good girl and wait." jenni growled as she felt your walls clench around her fingers, feet twitching as you let out a pornographic moan.

"who makes you feel like this? who knows your body best preciosa?" jenni questioned, grinning as her fingers slowed and you whined needily. "answer me." you hissed as her teeth clamped down on your nipple and your hips bucked.

"you, fuck you jenni!" you managed to spit out, wolfish grin widening as she kissed between your breasts and sped her fingers up again.

"so close, jen please!" you begged, unable to hold on much longer as her fingers pumped in and out and in out, her spare hand kneading your chest and tweaking lazily at your overly sensitive nipples as you slipped and tripped not to fall over the edge without her say so.

"sí, such a good girl. come for me amor!" with her permission it barely took another two seconds before your body spasmed under hers and jenni gently coaxed you through your orgasm, slowing down the thrusts of her fingers.

but you barely had time to recover before suddenly her tongue was replacing them and your hands tangled in her hair with a moan. "jesus!" you hissed out as she pinched your clit and her tongue skillfully darted in and out of you, and within what felt like seconds you were on the brink of coming again.

this time jenni made no move to stop you as she shamelessly ate you out, her mouth never leaving you and you were sure she would coax a third orgasm from you but incredibly oversensitive you pulled at her hair and she retracted.

"vale?" jenni questioned as she moved to lay beside you instead, her voice now softer and with an air of slight concern as you nodded, just needing a moment to collect yourself as you caught your breath.

once you had it was no surprise to your ex girlfriend when now you moved on top of her, stamina restored as a smile curled into your lips and her hands palmed at your ass with a grin.

"my turn."

~

“so cariño since I am the only woman who makes you feel so good. can I take you out for dinner tonight?” jenni grinned with a victoriously cocky glint in her eyes at your words from last night as you only smiled and stepped forward so you were chest to chest with the taller girl.

“oh jennifer when will you learn that the things i say when you are holding my orgasm hostage-“ you leaned up even closer, warm breath fanning her lips which never strayed from the widespread grin as she leant in to close the gap.

“-don’t count.” and with one small push to her chest you sent her stumbling backwards out the door which promptly closed in her face.

“so is that a maybe to dinner then?” the older girl called out hopefully, receiving only silence in reply as she huffed and lightly kicked at your door.

glancing to her right jenni deflated further seeing misa, laia and alexia of course only a few feet away all headed downstairs for breakfast.

“do not say it.” the tattooed striker grumbled as misa sent her a knowing smirk and laia looked on in a mixture of amusement and surprise, both girls hurrying to catch up with their friend as alexia hung by your door to yell at hers.

when the rapid knocks sounded you rolled your eyes assuming it was yet another dinner invitation, jenni having spent the morning trying in a variety of different ways to con you into a 'friendly meal'.

"venga jenni i told you that-" you started as you pilled it open, the words dying in your mouth at the blazing hazel eyes which bore back at you.

"oh. hi ale!" you chirped with a charming smile, your best friend humming clearly unimpressed and forcing her way inside, shouldering past you as you sighed and closed the door after her.

"dios mio it smells like sex in here." the blonde scoffed bluntly as you cringed and alexia started to sit on the corner of your bed before noticing the messed up linen and quickly thinking better of it.

though as the older girl went to sit on the arm chair in the corner you subtly shook your head. "aquí?" alexia asked in disbelief as you grimaced lightly, shaking your head again as she went to lean on the desk, recoiling away with a face of disgust.

"everywhere? increíble!" she gasped with wide eyes as you winced, you and jenni having made much use of the variety of different surfaces in the room last night alongside your shared high stamina.

with a guilty smile you gestured to the bathroom as alexia rolled her eyes but none the less you followed her in there, your best friend sitting on the edge of the bath as you pulled yourself up to sit on the vanity counter.

"explain, now." alexia ordered sternly as you sighed, mind racing to try and find a way out of this. "we....caught up?" you tried with a hopeful smile, face falling as alexia's own remained unwavering, lips pursed into a thin line.

"your ex girlfriend just stumbled out of your room before breakfast and it smells in there like a fifteen year old boy who has just discovered porn!" alexia observed as you winced, opening your mouth to explain but the older girl held up a finger and grabbed out her phone.

"ale what are you-" "hola?" a voice mumbled tiredly as alexia clicked speaker phone, the girl on the the end of the line clearly half asleep as you rolled your eyes.

"really? why do we have to involve her!" you groaned as alexia quickly caught your other best friend up on what she'd walked into. "puta furtiva!" mapi gasped now much more awake at the new information.

"you are getting back together with jenni?" mapi asked as alexia raised an eyebrow clearly also wanting to know the answer. "no we are not getting back together!" you answered with a firm shake of your head.

"but you are sleeping with her again?" mapi questioned as again alexia raised an eyebrow making your eyes roll. "it was one time." you lied dismissively as both your best friends somehow hummed in sync making you give alexia a strange look as if she had grown a second head.

"okay it was a few times. its no big deal!" you scoffed dismissively as mapi gasped again and alexia's eyes narrowed. "when did it start?" the girl questioned as mapi echoed the question curiously.

"the world cup." you mumbled, looking down to the floor and whining as alexia suddenly smacked your thigh and fixed you with a glare. "hit her again for me!" mapi piped up on the phone as you kicked the older girl away as alexia leaned over to do just that.

"in my defense i do not remember that time! i was very drunk as we all were that night. i woke up in jenni's bed the next morning and everything else is still a blur." you sighed honestly, rubbing your face tiredly.

"so if you do not want to get back with her then why are you sleeping with her amiga?" alexia asked accusingly.

"well ale. normal human beings have these feelings called needs, and when you have needs it is sometimes more pleasurable to satisfy them with another human being and not by yourself. but i would not expect a robot like you to understand that!" you pouted sarcastically and jerked your knees up to your chest as your best friend scowled and tried to hit you again as the other one cackled on the other end of the phone line.

"adios maría." alexia huffed in annoyance at the assumed betrayal. "hey wait wait no don't-" but the defender was cut off as alexia clicked end call and slid her phone back into her pocket.

"are you mad at me?" you sighed as the blonde stood up from the bath. "no, a little disappointed you did not tell me but you're an adult who can sleep with whoever she likes." alexia shook her head as she stood to her feet.

"but?" you encouraged sensing she wasn't quite finished, your best friends hands falling either side of your face. "but please be careful, i do not want to see you hurt again, sí?" her eyes now shone with concern as you nodded.

"good. i cannot handle the lack of sleep it would take to be on the phone with you all night while you cry and cry and cry over her again." alexia kissed your forehead and let you go.

"hey!" the affectionate gesture distracted you for a moment before her words sunk in and offence followed, a smile curling into her lips as you pulled yourself off the counter and followed her back into your room.

"now por favor clean this up and spray some perfume or something, even the poor hotel staff do not deserve to deal with this." alexia's nose crinkled in disgust as your eyes rolled and you shoved her.

"honestly putellas you are so dramatic."

~

right up until that point you were sure that you didn't want to get back with your ex girlfriend, quite content with the current arrangement you had going on.

but a small freak accident the next day at lunch following training put a lot of things into perspective.

you were so exhausted after a brutal gym session that you hadn't paid enough attention to the food put on your tray, following after alexia to a table and sitting down wedged between her and irene.

near starving you hastily shoveled food into your mouth, ignoring your friends attempts to speak with you much to their amusement as laia, misa and jenni took the other vacant seats at the table.

you'd barely swallowed two mouthfuls of food before something felt funny, and you tried to swallow again but started to panic when you couldn't, your fork dropping to the table with a clatter as you began to wheeze.

"hey hey hey, breathe!" alexia tried to help but you shook your head, your throat starting to swell up as panic set in and you began to make a strange honking noise.

"there's peanuts in this, she has eaten peanuts." jenni was the first to realise right away what was going on, eyes wide in fear as they met alexia's who could only open and close her mouth.

"mierda." jenni hissed, on her feet and sprinting off in seconds as both staff and your team mates all hovered by unsure how to help you as the medical officers arrived and you clawed at your throat, moved to sit on the ground as your face began to go blue.

"move!" jenni ordered sternly, elbowing her way in and dropping to her knees, a bright orange epipen in her hand as she rolled up the hem of your shorts and stabbed it into your thigh, clicking the top as the epinephrine entered your system and started to fight the allergic reaction.

"estarás bien amor, estarás bien." jenni promised softly, pushing your hair out of your face as your hands grabbed hers and squeezed, the swelling starting to ease as someone pushed a bottle of cold water into your hand, jenni snatching it and pressing it against your throat.

the staff now having shooed most of your team mates away as to not crowd you only jenni and alexia remained by your side, your best friend gently rubbing your back as her own body trembled with fear and jenni softly caressed your cheek as your breathing began to even out again.

"okay chicas, some space please." one of the medical staff asked gently as alexia backed up and jenni tried to but you grabbed her hand and shook your head.

"vale, i am right here." the girl promised, helping you up to your feet as your body sagged into hers and both her and the medical staff member guided you out of the cafateria and toward the makeshift medical office, where jenni had ran off to in order to grab the epipen.

helped up and onto a padded med bench you sat back and sipped slowly at some water, your blood pressure tested and a quick check of the back of your throat showing the epinephrine was working as the swelling was near gone.

you were aware of jenni in the room still, talking quietly with one of the medical staff as your eyes remained closed and you sucked on an ice cube, working on evening out your breathing.

"gracias." you managed to wheeze out with a small smile as the staff member stepped out of the room, jenni pulling herself up to sit beside you on the padded bench.

"how did you know?" you croaked out after a few minutes of silence passed between you, turning to look up at her as she smiled. "because i know you. and had i been near you when you were getting food i'd have known not to let you get the noodles because they have traces of peanuts, estúpido!" she teased, gently bumping her shoulder into yours.

"but how did you-" "i still remember. all the foods you can and cannot have, even with just traces." jenni admitted, a slight blush coating her cheeks at the admission as she avoided your eyes.

at that small confession a tidal wave of emotions crashed over you and you sat there in silence trying to process them, jenni not pushing you to speak but staying by your side as she'd promised earlier, though if you asked her to she would leave.

it was then that you realised with her small admission of even just such a simple thing as remembering your allergies, the obvious care from the older girl had forced you to no longer ignore what had been glaringly gnawing at you for months now, you weren't over jenni, not even close.

"jenni." you spoke up as she hummed, turning to look down at you as now you avoided her eyes. "i do not think i can do this anymore. the sleeping together, the sneaking around, i do not think it is a good idea." you forced out, expecting her face to fall but missing the way she paused.

"why?" she asked softly, trying not to get her hopes up as you sighed. "its...too complicated." your answer somehow filled her with even more hope, a hand settling cautiously on your knee but when you made no move to push her away she relaxed a little.

"hey, look at me." you did as she asked, her eyes searching yours for a moment before speaking again. "i still love you cariño, more than i have been willing to admit to myself." jenni confessed, the words terrifying her but knowing no matter the outcome she needed to get them off her chest.

"i know i did not fight for you when we broke up, and i think that will always be my biggest regret." jenni continued, spurred on as your hand gently settled on top of hers which still sat at your knee, a small nod encouraging her further.

"but i think-no i know. i know now that i needed this time to realise that you are what matters, not how other people look at you in a club or what you wear when you go dancing or who is around you when i am not there. i lost sight of what mattered when i let other people take priority in our relationship over you." jenni exhaled shakily, your thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles, frown on your face though not one of judgement.

"i know we live on opposite sides of the world, and there is still a lot of work to mend what was broken but, and perdóname for being so forward, but if i do not say this now then i will not say it. is there a chance for us to...well, be us again?" jenni laid everything down in front of you, not pushing anymore than that as another silence fell between you both.

"i think you are right, there is still a lot of work to be done and it will take a lot of time to get back even close to how we used to be. i do not want to be hurt again and to build that trust back will take time as well." you started softly, jenni nodding along hanging off your every word.

"but i think, i think maybe we could start to get back to the basics. i love you too jenni, actually i do not think i ever really stopped."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and fin! there shall be no part two to this, you can use your imaginations to dream up if they did/didn't get back together. meanwhile i will continue to be an overthinking nervous wreck about taking the jump of posting smut for the first time. will i wake up tomorrow and delete this? maybe, who knows! only time shall tell

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

[andy-wm]

Jikook - The Fan Service Professionals

These two are such pros when it comes to fan service, they even practice behind the scenes. Dedication with a capital D! Even during the height of Covid, when there were no performances on the horizon, they were diligently keeping up the charade.

The newly released Bangtan Bomb of the BE Skit recording is a great example...

It is 2020, JK's birthday, and the Billboard #1 win for Dynamite has just been announced. Five of the guys file into a recording studio and sit down. Namjoon leaves an obvious gap next to Jimin.

JK arrives a few minutes later and takes his place... next to Jimin.

The group discusses the fact that the Billboard win was announced on JK's birthday and that he clearly needs no more gifts. What happens next is interesting...

JK tells them he received the best gift of his life and Jimin speaks for the first time since JK entered the room, jumping in to say "We're recording Skit, right?"

I've never seen anyone change the subject with such haste as this. In fact i might go so far as to say the way Jimin interrupted was ...almost rude! (But not really rude, because.. .he's Jimin)

But I digress...

The producer tells Jimin they're already recording and Jimin glances furtively at the microphone to confirm. Yes, the red light is on, it is indeed recording.

He laughs and slaps his thigh. Something must be really funny because he continues to laugh behind his hand, which is SUCH a tell for when he's embarrassed.

Long after everyone else has moved on, Jimin is still smiling to himself.

Maybe it's because JK just announced to the world that he got the best birthday gift OF HIS LIFE.

But he didn't specify what it was. He didn't say it was the Billboard win. And it looks like that birthday gift went on all night because the boy is clearly exhausted.

Anyway, moving on...

They start practicing their "fan service routine" at this point:

Without a word being exchanged between them, Jimin stands up and gives JK space to change his position. He then sits down next to JK and adopts the exact same position, with folded legs. Tick the box for mirroring behaviour

The next part of routine is connecting through touch - you know - how genuine couples touch each other as a way of checking in? Yeah like that. (Somehow I see caressing a person with your knuckles as more intimate than using your palm, but maybe that's just me)

And then there's a different type of touch - that body contact that comes with intimacy and familiarity. When you're a new couple this type of thigh touch can be very titilating but when you've been together for a while it's more comforting than sexy (although there's definitely an element of sexy too). At this point they are barely interacting, aside from Jimin's arm draped over JK's thigh and his fingers resting casually on JK's shin like it's his own personal armrest... he's certainly covering all the bases on that leg.

uuummm... okay, well played Jikook...

10/10 fan service here I guess.

Anything else that might have happened in this 'practice session' was lost on the cutting room floor, but one thing is for certain... neither Jimin nor JK got a wink of sleep on the night of JK's birthday.

Some may say it's because of the BB #1 win but I don't see any of the other guys in such a state of disarray as these two.

One thing that is obvious though:

Whatever the two of them were celebrating, they went at it all night long.

*cue Barry White*

[glaciertea]

Tickets for Two

Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader two-shot

Part 2 (coming soon)

This is part one of this story that's been on my mind for quite a while.

Summary: Working the graveyard shift at a movie theater has it quirks. It's not the best thing, and it's not the worst.

Well, there is one thing that keeps you from leaving this job.

The huge, gorgeous man who comes in every Thursday.

CW: Nothing for this chapter, just having a crush on Miguel.

Word count: 1.7k

There was something about Thursday nights in the movie theater that always made you exhilarated.

It wasn't the smell of freshly stale popcorn that stunk up your nostrils or the fact that you were able to score the after-hours time slot on this day. The ones many would kill to have because after 9 p.m., the place is a barren ghost town. Oh, no. It wasn't one of those reasons. 

It was him.

Throughout the year and a half you managed to survive working here; you've never seen a man like that before in your life. Yes, you've seen your fair share of attractive people come in and out; of course, this was a place to watch the latest hit-or-miss films. But this one, this one was different.

Tall, high cheekbones, a jawline that could shapren diamonds merely by looking at them, those piercing eyes, and those muscles. You always have to pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming.

He started coming three months ago for the ‘Traditional Thursdays’ feature presentation. Your theater would show old movies from the 1930's ranging to the 2020's or 2030's. It was a nice addition, as your boss wanted to have that “retro-style feel,” and it was pretty successful… if one were to go at the 9 p.m. slot. That frame usually brought in a decent amount of customers, but you were happy to not deal with that anymore.

You managed to get in the ten-to-one schedule block. It was a ghost town during those hours, especially with the midnight showings. You would lounge behind the concession, eyeing a few nightcrawlers emerge, but you would wait for him.

He would walk through the sliding doors exactly at midnight. Never a minute early, never a minute late. The actual film doesn't begin until 12:10 to showcase the following week's feature and a trailer or two. 

So it gives him enough time to head in your direction. He has become a regular for you, always ordering a medium black roast coffee, a small popcorn, and a pack of gummy worms. It got to the point where you realized the items were never going to change, so you made it a habit to have them prepared for him on hand. You barely speak because you don't know what to conjure up, and you certainly don't want to make a fool of yourself, so you stick to the basic “Here's your order” and “Enjoy your film.”

He always responds with a “Thank you” or an “I appreciate it,” and each time, your knees will wobble. His voice was smoother than the butter that you poured on the popcorn. He had you weak. His chiseled profile, his domineering height—he was too good to be true. You want to know more about him, but he's very much to himself. You are intimidated by him; his demeanor can make him seem unapproachable, but that only draws you in more.

There will be a day you will finally find the courage to strike up a conversation. One day.

You just weren't expecting it to be today. You manned the concussion stand, eyeing the time and counting the milliseconds. It was, of course, slow, but you loved it. Easy money to you.

His order was fresh and ready to go; he was going to stroll in less than a minute, and you had to put a lid on your excitement. And like clockwork, he came in and made his way right to you.

Putting on your best smile, you placed the snacks and beverage on the counter. “I got everything ready to go, sir. Piping hot and a new batch of popcorn made.”

“Actually, I want to switch it up. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.”

Your brain practically malfunctioned. Not from the request, but from the fact he uttered more words to you. Your reaction must have given something away as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“If not, that's fine. I don't want you wasting supplies on me.”

Scolding yourself, you shook your head and waved your hands. “No, no! No, sir, it's not an inconvenience at all. I'll gladly ring you up with a new order. Anything for the customer.” You despised saying that phrase as it got so many ungrateful, smug idiots out of problems they decided to cause. But for him? You would repeat it endlessly.

Discarding the usual and clearing the order from the register, you nodded. “What are your taste buds tingling for?” Did you really say those words in that order? Your body suddenly wanted to combust.

The man raised a brow as you chuckled nervously. “That sounded... less dumber in my head.”

His lips turned upwards at that, and your heart stopped. He smiles? He can smile! You never once saw him do that, but if you did, you managed to miss it. He managed to look more radiant; how was that possible?

“Well, my taste buds are craving pretzel bites, fruit snacks, and... can I make my medium roast into a large?”

“Yes, sir, I'll try to get it done before the film starts.” 

“No hay necesidad de apresurarse. Take your time.”

“Okay.” You squeaked out, hiding your flustered state from him.

Miguel rested his arms on the countertop and observed the way you moved back and forth, blending new beans and meticulously placing the hot pretzels in a bag. 

“Here you go.” You reached down and took a packet of fruits and propped it nicely on the pretzel bag. “Steaming and raring to go.”

“Are you usually precise when making these orders?” Miguel pulled his wallet out and paid for the meal, leaving a nice tip.

“Kind of. Maybe it's because I have more time to do these things, and I like my regulars to enjoy nice treats.” You grinned and went to clean up his usual. “I hope you enjoy.

“I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Definitely keeping sure. Thank you again.”

You didn't know what meant by that as he took up his things and headed off to catch the film. You put your hand to your chest and calmed your heart rate, going on about your night. You honestly believed that would've been the end of that interaction and that the following week would revert back to the same old, same old, but you were far from it.

The next Thursday, he was there, but fifteen minutes earlier, asking for a new item from the menu alongside the other treats. You were once again thrown off, but that didn't mean you got to be near his presence more, and if not longer. 

It started off with small extras. A bag of pretzels, sized up on the popcorn, an extra bag of candy—nothing too extravagant. However, as the weeks coasted by, the orders got bigger. A hotdog, flatbread pizza, sliders—those meals took you longer to make, but you did not mind one bit. 

You got to chat with him constantly; when Thursday rolled around, you had that extra pep in your step. The conversations ranged from his tedious office filled with people of the same personality, the many tales of strange movie customers from you, or anything that springs to mind. He was awkward, loveable, and sweet, and your crush for him only grew more with each visit. To the point that it was overwhelming.

And it wasn't blowing away anytime soon. 

You were fixing him up a basket of curly fries and chicken tenders casually yapping away when the topic of movie genres popped up.

“I'm into animated movies. They seemingly are able to convey more emotions than actual humans.”

Miguel enjoyed watching you; he honestly preferred looking at you than the film he was supposed to see. “I enjoy them as well. They tend to have moments that resonate with you on a higher emotional level.” He tapped his finger on the glass counter. “Do you have any favorites?”

“Hmm.” You rubbed your chin before moving back over to the fries and dumping some extra salt and pepper on them (they barely had any flavor to them). “I like a good Lixar film. It's funny how they're able to give certain things sentiment. Rather it's inanimate or not, they find a way. I mean, they gave a torso and sweater emotions. A sweater!” You poured the fries into the plastic basket and moved onto the tenders. “Now in particular, I love Bouillabaisse. Up is a heartbreaker, but I can understand the older man's pain. Searching Elmo is so gorgeous, especially for the time it came out. And Coco, that's a tearjerker. That ending scene when he's singing to her? Gets me every time.” 

“I enjoyed all those as well.” Miguel took a sip of his freshly brewed coffee. “Especially the last one.”

“Oh yeah?” You grabbed some tongs and flipped the tenders to cook them evenly. 

“Sí. A bit of a bias though.” 

“A bias?”

“I share the name of the main character.” He stared right into your eyes as he said that.

“Miguel.” It was velvety as it slid off your tongue.

Was that a suave way of him giving his name? It never occurred to you that you actually never learned his name. He knew yours because of the required name tag, but you were glad to know it now and took it with no complaints.

“It fits.” You smiled and finally finished and rang up his meal. “I shouldn't keep you from the movie. I hope everything is of satisfaction for you.”

“You already know it will be.” He paid and reached for his goods when he stopped.

You crooked your neck and looked down to make sure you didn't miss anything. His usual and the new meal were there, so you didn't know what was up. 

“Is everything okay? Did I mess up your order?”

“Everything is fine. I only want to…” he snatched up a napkin and scanned, even going as far as peering over the counter.

“Miguel?” 

“Do you have a pen?” 

“Yes?” You took one from under the register and handed it to him.

“Thank you.” He scribbled down at lightning pace and folded it half, sliding it across to you. “I'll see you then.” He bowed his head, snagged up his meal and left. 

You had to wait several seconds to recover from your shock when you hastily snatched up the napkin and opened it up. You drew your lips to your teeth to prevent yourself from screaming. 

There were ten digits written in blue.

[thissying]

Max Verstappen has been in the Red Bull factory regularly in recent weeks to find a solution to the problems with his RB20. How can a driver help his team in the factory? Former Formula 1 test driver Ho-Pin Tung explains.

Red Bull and the 26-year-old Verstappen have been trying to solve the problems with the car for months. The Dutchman has not won a race since the Spanish Grand Prix and has now gone six races without a win. That happened to him for the lat time in 2020, when he failed to win eleven races in a row.

Verstappen said in Monza that he had been in the Red Bull factory in Milton Keynes to help his team. He would also visit the English city for the race in Baku. "I read that Verstappen spent hours in the simulator," Ho-Pin Tung told NU.nl. "To find a solution for the balance problems in his car, I think."

The former test driver explains that Formula 1 teams basically work with two different simulators. "One of them is the so-called driver in the loop, which the teams also abbreviate to DIL. In that simulator, a driver sits in a monocoque that is identical to the race car. With that, the driver drives around a virtual circuit."

"That is what Verstappen is referring to when he talks about 'the sim'. You can make adjustments to the setup there, just like you would in a normal race car."

"The other simulator is only software," says Tung. "A certain setup is entered into it and it calculates a certain lap time. However, that simulator does not take into account how easy a car is to drive for a driver. A lap time is produced, purely on static data."

"In that simulation, the car can be very fast, but for a driver, a car with that setup may not be drivable at all in reality. Which is why the difference between the results from the simulator and what actually happens on the asphalt can sometimes be very big."

That is probably why Verstappen has spent so much time in the factory in recent weeks. "In principle, the correlation between the DIL and what actually happens on the asphalt is very good. But in this case, Verstappen will have driven in the DIL with the same set-up as at Monza to see if the feeling was the same as in reality. This is to check the correlation and improve it where necessary."

If the correlation is OK, the findings in the simulator are the same as those on the asphalt. Then the teams can start working on a set-up for the car. Tung: "They also do this with their own simulator drivers. They can imitate Verstappen's driving style to a certain extent, but it is not completely identical. In Formula 1, it sometimes comes down to hundredths or thousandths of a second per lap, those subtleties are important."

"How a car reacts or feels is different for every driver," Tung explains. "A solution that works well for one simulator driver does not necessarily feel good for Verstappen in the car. In addition, certain balance problems in the car can be solved in several ways."

"For example, if you experience understeer halfway through a corner, you can solve that by lowering the ride height at the front. The lower the car is, the less understeer and the more grip you have. You can also choose to make the front a bit softer with the suspension or by setting the differential differently. A combination of all of these is also possible."

"That's the tricky part. Of course, everything works together. And which solution works best without causing the most side effects and creating new problems? The trick is to solve that."

Verstappen can only partially solve these problems during a Grand Prix weekend, because time is limited. "Not only because you have to deal with the time of a session, you are also limited by the number of tyres you are allowed to use," says Tung. "In a simulator, Verstappen can work with multiple constants."

Incidentally, other test drivers of the team also drive in the simulator in the factory during a race weekend. It is not the case that Red Bull is panicking and that is why Verstappen himself does a lot of simulator work.

Tung: "Something like that always happens in preparation for races. It just struck me that Verstappen has been emphasizing in recent weeks that he is very busy with this. He has invested more time in it this time than usual, it seems. Red Bull hopes that this will give him a better idea of ​​the solution in the setup for Verstappen."

[covid-safer-hotties]

The US Government Has Abandoned Us to Endless COVID. We Can Do Better. - Published Aug 10, 2024

The pandemic isn’t over. Why is it so hard to find accurate information about it?

This week, Nassau County, New York, passed a mask ban. Those wearing face masks will now face the possibility of up to a year in jail or a $1,000 fine. Angry at the power of anti-genocide protests, lawmakers banned one of the most basic forms of disease protection just as the world is experiencing a record surge in COVID cases. While officials insist that the law will not be used against those masking for medical reasons, disabled activists protesting the move say they were intentionally coughed on during the city council meeting where the bill was passed.

In a world of airborne contagious diseases, everyone has a medical reason for masking. So why doesn’t our public health policy recognize that?

In 2020, at the height of the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, then-President Donald Trump was excoriated for saying that “when you test, you create more cases.” This statement was met with outcry by journalists and public health professionals and pundits from all major outlets.

Trump’s statements and policies on COVID were regularly and widely critiqued. In October 2020, CNN launched a tracker of “every time Trump said that the coronavirus pandemic was over, but it wasn’t,” which juxtaposed Trump’s words with the number of new cases in the United States.

Since President Joe Biden took office, many of the same things that Trump was excoriated for have been implemented as policy. In September 2022, Biden suddenly declared the pandemic over at the Detroit Auto Show, and in May 2023, Congress ended the federal emergency. Both moves were unrelated to any data about case numbers, yet no similar media outcry about premature or imaginary declarations has dogged the Biden administration.

Trump’s outrageous argument that if the U.S. collected less data, the picture would be rosier has been made into official policy under the Biden administration: As of May 1, 2024, hospitals are no longer required to report admissions, and most of the other data collection infrastructure on COVID test rates, like local dashboards and easily readable trackers on cases and deaths, has already disappeared.

By mid-July 2024, it was possible for Biden to have an active case of COVID and to claim that he is going home to isolate while simultaneously appearing on video in a group of people unmasked, without major media outlets blinking an eye about this contradiction. At this point in the pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website is no longer a go-to place for clear COVID information, but instead muddies the difference between COVID and the common cold in its prevention recommendations. As Caroline Hugh, an epidemiologist who volunteers for the Public Health Collective, told Truthout, it is hard to know what’s going on because the “picture has gotten a lot fuzzier and a lot more complicated.”

As Supports for COVID Sunset, Access Is Obstructed It is worth stating explicitly that the COVID pandemic is decidedly not over, despite the end of the U.S. federal emergency. The policy and response have changed, without any real relationship to changes in the illness and how it affects people.

The basic facts about COVID have not evolved that much: It is a highly contagious airborne disease, tight-fitting masks are effective, regular vaccinations are helpful in avoiding more serious illness, and isolation (some experts insist longer than five days) is warranted to avoid getting other people sick. It can cause death and long-term or permanent disability.

What has changed in the last four years is that it has become harder and harder for people to remain clear on this information and to put these basic guidelines into practice. The information about the risks of COVID and how to avoid them has gone from being mainstream advice to countercultural information that people have to search out. In this information-poor environment, the risks to disabled people, to those who work directly with the public (disproportionately BIPOC people) and anyone else with an increased COVID risk level are dramatically increased.

It is also now much harder to put this information into practice as government and institutional support for COVID safety practices has all but evaporated. Tools that were used earlier in the pandemic like free testing, masks and vaccines, have almost all been phased out, often shifting the financial burden for these to individual patients. The expectation to work while sick has been reimposed. The public has repeatedly been told “we have the tools,” but with tens of millions of people kicked off Medicaid in 2024, Paxlovid — a rapid treatment that reduces the risks of the infection — is difficult to obtain for most people, and expensive for almost everyone. Even the Bridge Access program, which funded COVID vaccinations for those without private insurance to cover them, is sunsetting this fall. “It is absolutely unaffordable to get COVID for the vast majority of working Americans, for people who are not working, who are retired and disabled on SSDI, on a limited income, on SSI. This is a catastrophic cost to be exposed to right now,” Beatrice Adler-Bolton, coauthor of Health Communism and co-host of the podcast “Death Panel,” told Truthout.

One of the ways that misleading information becomes normalized is by making it challenging for people to act on any other information.

“Immunity Debt” and Other Commonly Circulated Myths With the disappearance of supports and these changes to the mainstream media narrative, it has become harder to feel sure about COVID. The dramatic wind down of data available has been coupled with a major shift in framing from the CDC, which has communicated in ways that fail to counter the U.S. public’s widespread turn toward a mentality that is resonant with Trump’s misleading push for “herd immunity” in 2020.

While the CDC does acknowledge that “reinfection can occur as early as several weeks after a previous infection,” much of its recent messaging on COVID has tended to bolster the widespread public sense that hospitalization and COVID deaths have largely decreased because of immunity from prior infection or vaccinations. (Only 28 percent of adults in the U.S. are up to date on COVID vaccinations.) For example, PEW Research Center cited the CDC in its statement that “The vast majority of Americans have some level of protection from the coronavirus because of vaccination, prior infection or a combination of the two. This has led to a decline in severe illness from the disease.”

Adam Moore, a virologist working towards a Ph.D. at the University of California, Davis, says that while this claim is accurate, the overall framing is “dishonest” because it underemphasizes how quickly natural immunity can wane after a COVID infection. He also argues that this frame underemphasizes how COVID can have serious impacts on a person’s immune system and their ability to fend off any kind of illness.

Fundamentally, it is complicated to assess why fewer people are being hospitalized or dying of COVID despite continued high rates of circulation. The reason is not necessarily solely related to immunity (through exposure or vaccination), especially given the disease’s quick evolution that has resulted from the failure to contain it.

The data collection on who has been hospitalized or even died with an active case of COVID has also become less reliable, as many hospitals no longer report all COVID cases, but instead make a distinction between people hospitalized “with COVID” and people hospitalized “for COVID.” And, undercounting of deaths has been a pattern throughout the pandemic.

Most importantly, experts who spoke to Truthout emphasized that death and acute illness like hospitalization are not the only serious outcomes from an illness. Most of us would like to avoid serious injury, traumatic events and long-term disability that fall outside the purview of the basic and extreme indicator of death. Pandemic indicators and figures that do not tell us how many people are developing or living with long COVID, for example, fall far short of offering a complete picture of the risk of COVID infection.

The push for “herd immunity” to COVID is only one of several common misleading ideas about immunity. Another is immunity debt, the claim that if a person missed getting a cold or respiratory virus in 2021 they were more susceptible to getting sick in 2022. Immunity debt, although popularized in some media outlets, is not a scientifically accepted idea. The immune system is a not a “muscle that needs exercise to get stronger,” explained Moore.

COVID goes against a lot of what people in the United States have been told about viruses and what has come to be common sense. The most common viruses in the U.S. are seasonal, but COVID circulates year-round, more like tropical viruses. Moore highlights that this makes COVID fundamentally different from the flu and, crucially, the vaccination cycle for the flu, where annual vaccination works because it can account for the variants that have evolved in the opposite hemisphere. Since COVID circulates everywhere year-round, annual vaccinations are not enough to keep up on the latest variants. Beatrice Adler-Bolton adds that COVID surges in the United States are not related to seasons but rather to moments of intense travel, like Memorial Day weekend, Labor Day weekend, the holidays in November and December, and Spring Break.

Good Information Is Available — If You Know Where to Look The people who spoke to Truthout for this story recommended many sources of robust, trustworthy information about COVID. These sources are not invested in making sure the economy continues going as it is, which has been one of the biggest reasons government and mainstream sources misrepresent COVID data. Many also have a commitment to disability and racial justice and are actively organizing for improved public health information and infrastructure.

Recommended resources include Noha Aboelata and Roots Community Health’s “people’s health updates” on YouTube; Ground Truths, the newsletter of Eric Topol; The Sick Times, a weekly newsletter focusing on Long COVID; and Adler-Bolton’s podcast, “Death Panel,” which provides regular deep dives and analysis of COVID policy.

Local mask blocs are another good source of information. These local mutual aid groups provide low-cost or free masks to community members (via bulk purchasing), and they share a lot of locally relevant information about COVID (often on Instagram).

Nationally, groups like the People’s CDC, the Public Health Collective and the Pandemic Mitigation Collaborative are synthesizing technical information and sharing it to a wider community with a disability justice lens. Hugh highlighted the importance of reading and combining a variety of information, rather than relying on a single source.

Repetition Is a Democratic Power The most powerful part of COVID disinformation is its simple repetition through multiple channels constantly, says Adler-Bolton. But repetition can work both ways. Those pushing for more accurate COVID information that allows everyday people to be in solidarity with one another can also use this power of repetition, but “we have to be relentless.”

Undoing the damage of bad information is difficult, because “breaking the mystification of disinformation” can’t be done by simply changing the information that goes through those same media channels, said Adler-Bolton. Instead, people must work with each other through personal connection. “There is a kind of trust that we can build between each other that goes further than the trust any one person can have with any media project, no matter how good the project is.”

Information that rejects ableism and white supremacy raises the stakes by asking people to reject the comforts they have been promised by racial capitalism. Sharing that information with each other is part of a collective struggle for disability and racial justice.

[melatonin-melanin]

jirai kei as a trend and the inherent ableism and racism present within it

if you've been present in any japanese fashion or vtuber spaces for the past few years, chances are you've most likely heard of jirai kei. it's gotten major media attention in japan, and inevitably its popularity has spread overseas. what is still misinterpreted about it, however, is that jirai kei is a fashion style. jirai kei is a stereotype, as well as a subculture that features fashion elements. as opposed to the fashion aspects, the focus of the subculture is mental illness, and many people use the jirai tags and labels to find those with similar struggles and interests. you can learn more about the recent history of jirai kei as a stereotype here, and the fashions associated with jirai kei here.

jirai kei as a stereotype is bad for a multitude of reasons, but there are many people who seem to think that there's nothing wrong with the trend itself. i've seen many arguments in favor of it, ranging from "if brands are using it, that must mean the term isn't that bad" to "plenty of japanese girls are using it to only refer to the fashion, and they don't actually lash out at others or self-harm." its usage by brands and everyday people are true, and that much cannot be argued. the problem comes from assuming that, because it's something widespread in japan, it can't possibly be as bad as people make it out to be. if this trend were to come from anywhere else, i'm almost certain that people would immediately question the morality of it for several reasons. this is going to be a long post, so i hope you have some time.

TW for mentions of self-harm, alcohol and drug abuse, and child sex trafficking below the cut.

a brief rundown of jirai kei's origins

to start, jirai kei's original coinage before the trend has existed since around the 90s. it was used by misogynistic men to refer to women who they believed exhibited signs of emotional instability. this was applied to completely harmless traits, and the criteria for someone being a landmine has drastically changed over the years. for example, the first common identifier was simply "a girl who looks put together." this sexist usage still extends to present times, but now it's often conflated with the current aestheticized definition of the term.

the source of the current iteration of jirai kei

the modern-day jirai kei stereotype comes almost entirely from a gang known as the toyoko kids, who reside in kabukicho. this gang contains many members ranging from ages 9 to 24 who have run away from their homes and families. they have been known for several activities, but the most publicized ones are cutting themselves in public circles, papa katsu (underage prostitution), heavily drinking, and overdosing on over-the-counter medications. majority of the gang members also wear japanese alternative fashions, with girly kei being the fashion that's most often present in the jirai kei stereotype.

where does the ableism come in?

the rise of the aesthetic trend peaked somewhere in 2020, where a "landmine makeup challenge" gained popularity online and resulted in various people attempting to mock and mimic the stereotype for clout. people would wear girly fashion, act "wild" or "crazy" on camera, and, at worst, pretend to cut their wrists or even use makeup to create fake self-harm scars. i don't believe i need to explain why faking self-harm for views is ableist. however, the ableism is also present in the supposed "lighter" aspects of the trend, particularly its sudden association with girly fashion.

during the height of jirai kei's popularity in japan, many brands had begun to sell pink x black girly coordinates, advertising them as jirai kei fashion. it's incredibly important to note that girly as a fashion has existed for several years prior, and that multiple people had already been wearing clothing that's abruptly being labeled jirai. as a result, you have all of these random people minding their business suddenly being labeled as "crazy psycho bitches" because of the clothes that they wear. as if that isn't enough, some brands went as far as to promote the more dangerous aspects of the stereotype as well. with attempts to pander to girls who are deemed "yandere" and "highly explosive," many shops, online influencers, and companies had directly and indirectly capitalized on the suffering of the toyoko kids by encouraging people to cut their wrists, manipulate their partners, binge drink, and lash out at others to engage in the "full landmine experience."

mental illness in japan is almost never taken seriously because it's seen as a personality flaw rather than something that needs treatment. the jirai kei trend only set back any progress made for mental health acknowledgement in society, as people perceived as landmines began to be harassed for wearing girly fashion. more girls were approached by men on the street trying to scout them for prostitution, and people gave away their wardrobe because "others assumed they were troublesome" for wearing it. from another perspective, the anti-recovery nature of the trend has also taken lives. some people who felt that they identified with the term had fully embraced the lifestyle that was commercialized and promoted as something "cute and fun," resulting in more people running away from home to be like the toyoko kids. these people, who have essentially been failed by the system, are simultaneously fetishized and shunned for the fact that they're struggling.

well, what about the racism?

the racism present in the jirai kei trend, from what i've seen, mainly comes from overseas communities. the perception that many people have of jirai kei tends to have its roots in orientalism. if you've ever witnessed how people tend to glorify japan in almost every context, this shouldn't be too surprising. what's concerning, however, is that much of this glorification of jirai still goes unacknowledged by the western j-fashion community.

when jirai kei gained popularity in japan's mainstream, people mistook the name of the stereotype for the name of the fashion. this mindset also translated over to western spaces without a second thought. as a result, when jirai kei as a stereotype was formally introduced to overseas j-fashion communities, some were confused and oddly adamant. it seemed like people thought, "there's no way that japan would endorse something so horrible. there has to be different explanations!" regardless of whether this idea was conscious or subconscious, it had begun what people now call "jirai discourse" in the community. many arguments were made in favor of using jirai kei to refer solely to girly fashion, as opposed to recognizing its origins and continuous usage as a derogatory term. an especially common viewpoint that's perpetuated is that jirai kei has been reclaimed or is in the process of being reclaimed, which is something that has several things wrong with it.

problems with thinking that jirai is "reclaimed, so it's fine to use"

firstly, reclamation is subjective. the assumption that the entirety of a minority group makes the unanimous decision to reclaim a term is frankly just implausible. even more popular words that are thrown around more casually nowadays are still debated in some circles on whether or not they should be used. for a term like jirai kei, something fairly recently coined and undoubtedly controversial in most contexts, the mere idea of reclamation amongst anyone would have to take a much longer time, and that's only if the stereotype starts getting taken seriously.

secondly, the only people who have the right to consider reclamation are the people who are directly affected by the usage of this term, which would be feminine-presenting native japanese people who are mentally ill. people overseas have argued in favor of reclaiming the term despite not being a part of the group that the term is actually used against. this is not something where you can take apart the criteria and suddenly claim that you're also affected by jirai kei's usage. for a comparison that may be easily understood, that's like if a nonblack woman tried to advocate for the reclamation of the "mammy" stereotype, which stereotypes and therefore only affects the perception of black women. just because both groups consist of women, that doesn't mean they have the exact same experience with the stereotype in question, even if they happen to resonate with some aspect of it. unless you've grown up in japan as someone afab and/or feminine-presenting and have struggled with mental health, it's nearly impossible to fully identify with the extent of jirai kei's harm because it's occurred in such a specific set of circumstances to a specific group of people. the only thing that should be done in this case is doing your research on the affected group, which you can do by looking into the history of the toyoko kids and some of the individual stories of the members. that way, you can at least attain a better understanding of their perspectives and connect the effects of jirai kei to their struggles.

lastly, it is not reclaiming to simply use the term for yourself. this tends to be where the idea of jirai kei being reclaimed comes from, because many japanese girls on social media use the term to refer to themselves as well. in these instances, there are typically two separate reasons: one, the person is pretending to be a landmine for clout; or two, they genuinely identify with the derogatory meaning of the term. the latter is often the case, since there's not many other ways for people in japan who are mentally ill to find groups for themselves. when it comes to reclamation, it's important to remember that it's not simply using a word that was used against a group that you're a part of. reclaiming is about actively working to change a term's meaning into a neutral or positive context for the benefit of the group. none of these girls are doing that. there's no big effort in japanese landmine spaces to move the perception of being a landmine away from things like girly kei fashion, idol fan culture, or toxic behaviors, which leads me to the final section of this post.

it is not anyone's job to push for the "reclamation" of jirai kei.

i put reclamation in quotes because, although some genuinely may not have ill intentions, many people come off as having a "white savior" mindset as opposed to actually wanting to reclaim the term in any sense (which, as mentioned before, is not the right of just anyone), and it's usually for the sake of enjoying girly fashion without feeling bad for incorrectly calling it jirai kei. one of the defenses often used to propose that being seen as a landmine can actually be a good thing is that the people who do self-harm and abuse substances are simply "bad apples" in the landmine community. if they're not treated as the dirty underside, then they're seen as things to be pitied and sympathized with, but with the quick disclaimer of "don't worry though, not all landmines are like this!"

not only is this incredibly ableist, but this assumption being made by mainly white influencers is also rooted in the historical development of racism against asian people, particularly in the united states. if you've heard of the model minority myth, one of the biggest issues with it is that it heavily generalizes asian people as being well-mannered, good-natured, and upstanding citizens. as a result, anyone who seems to fall out of this generalization is deemed an "untrustworthy foreigner" and appears as nonexistent through a romanticized lens. this exact situation can be applied to how people tend to treat the issues surrounding the jirai kei trend. the japanese girls who are faking and/or making fun of mental instability for the sake of online popularity are suddenly being glorified as these ideal representations of jirai kei to be palatable to the western world. meanwhile, the people who are considered by many to be part of the lowest rungs of society and are actually getting this term thrown at them pejoratively are treated as an afterthought and not representative of what people overseas want jirai kei to mean. it's even to the extent where native japanese people using girly kei or being uncomfortable with jirai kei are immediately assumed to be faking their ethnicity or their japanese-speaking skills, something that many foreigners have actually done in an attempt to claim authority over jirai kei's usage. since the reality of the trend is so uncomfortable to many, people think that it's best to simply disregard it or dumb down its impact when that changes nothing. what has avoiding the topic of discrimination and fetishization ever done for anyone?

the last thing i want to point out is that, even if reclamation of the term was in progress, it would not be happening the way that some seem to think it is. if the term was being reclaimed, we would not have people (both overseas and in japan) still acting like the stereotype for tons of likes, namely by taking pictures of themselves in girly kei next to cans of pink monster while sitting on the sidewalk with someone handing them money. that is an actual image i've seen, and if that doesn't tell you that there's a problem, i'm not sure what else will.