#like do you think dan just gets absorbed in his own things or goes out for a bit

[jonsaremembers]

I'm watching roasting ugly mansions 2 and realizing, like.

Phil has his filming room

and like he must go in there, shut the door, and sing silly little songs about how many cabinets there are

and Dan must hear him and go "oh just phil talking to the kids again"

[terinour]

Some Martha’s memories

It was raining that day in La Palma. Martha had ordered a beer. His head was turned towards the bay window of the bar. What was she looking at outside ? In fact, she wasn't really looking out, but into herself. She held her cigarette in the air as she always did and could stay that way for hours. She was so absorbed that she did not see the bartender bring her a Dorada.

She was thinking of a woman on the other side of the world. They had met in Tokyo and, in his memory, it all happened very quickly. They had arrived at the same time on the terrace of a restaurant and there was only one table left. They had decided to eat together. In conversation she said to Martha ̒I like all causes, but I prefer those who are desperate.̓ Instantly, Martha fell in love. She masked her confusion by holding her cigarette in the air with languidness.

She remembered the two colored paper lamps above them that seemed to watch over them like angels. The light diffused by the two globes, however intense, could not match the emotion that overwhelmed her. Suddenly theirs fingers brushed. The evening was advanced. The other customers were leaving one after the other. They were moving away while Martha and the unknown woman were getting closer. After most of the clients left, eyes closed, she kissed her on the lips.

When Martha opened her eyes she found herself near a stone bridge spanning a quiet river. The bridge separated two misty moors. Martha knew she had just reached another point on her dream journey. Yet it was neither a memory nor a dream. An old man with a familiar face looked at her with a compassionate gaze. The bright colors had given way to pastel and evanescent tones. Nothing here seemed tangible. ̒You look so sad, is something wrong ? ̓Simply asked the old man. Martha was fighting back tears. ̒It was a long time ago now, but I haven't forgotten,̓ she managed to tell him. ̒You don't want to let go of the past, do you ? ̓ ̒It’s me that has been abandoned, so many times.̓ ̒That's the human condition, isn't it ? People, events and all kinds of things come and go in our life.̓ ̒Yes, it’s true.̓ ̒Something is always present and never leaves us? It's the same person who goes from happiness to sadness, isn't it ? Who is this person ? ̓

The old man left Martha to his thoughts and crossed the bridge. ̒Wait !,̓ she said. But everything was already disappearing in the haze. When she dissipated, Martha saw a door. She was in a dead mall. A blind with twisted and dusty blades were hanging on the glass door. Logos, such as hieroglyphs, testified to a past today. His inner life had a time looked like, stripped of his substance. She distinguished a flower in the middle of the rubble. She had found.

Martha came out of her reverie, drank a sip of Dorada and pulled a puff on her cigarette. Smoke volutes took the shape of an island or an archipelago. It could be the Palma, her island, or Japan. This could be the present, the past or the future. What was close seemed far away, and vice versa. She smiles. Memories did not matter, either what happened or what would happen to her. The most important thing is that she had found herself.

Teri Nour

Note: I translated my own text entitled "Quelques souvenirs de Martha". This work led me to modify few words. It's a way for me to rework my pieces. I apologize for this appoximative translation. Below the new french version.

Quelques souvenirs de Martha

Il pleuvait ce jour-là à La Palma. Martha avait commandé une bière. Sa tête était tournée en direction de la baie vitrée du bar. Que regardait-elle dehors ? En fait elle ne regardait pas vraiment dehors, mais en elle-même. Elle tenait sa cigarette en l’air comme elle le faisait toujours et pouvait rester ainsi des heures. Elle était tellement plongée dans ses pensées qu’elle ne vit pas le serveur lui apporter une Dorada.

La vérité c’est qu’elle pensait à une femme à l’autre bout du monde. Elles s’étaient rencontrées à Tokyo et, dans son souvenir, tout s’était passé très vite. Elles étaient arrivée en même temps sur la terrasse d’un restaurant où il ne restait qu’une table de libre. Elles décidèrent de manger ensemble. Dans la conversation elle avait dit à Martha :

– J’aime toutes les causes, mais j’ai une préférence pour celles qui sont désespérées.

Pour cette phrase, Martha l’avait aimée aussitôt. Elle avait arboré un air détaché tout en tenant nonchalamment sa cigarette en l’air. Elle se souvins de ces deux lampes de papier colorées au-dessus qui semblaient veiller sur elles, tels deux anges. La lumière diffusée par ces deux orbes, quoi qu’intense, ne pouvait égaler l’émotion qui la submergeait. Le bout de leurs doigts s’effleurèrent un instant. La soirée était déjà bien avancée. Les autres clients partaient les uns après les autres. Ils s’éloignaient tandis que Martha et l’inconnue se rapprochaient. Lorsque la plupart des clients furent partis, les yeux fermés, elle l’embrassa sur les lèvres.

Quand Martha rouvrit les yeux elle se retrouva près d’un pont de pierre enjambant une rivière tranquille. Le pont séparait deux landes brumeuses. Martha su qu’elle venait d’atteindre une autre étape de son voyage onirique. Pourtant, ce n’était ni un souvenir ni un rêve. Un vieil homme au visage familier la regardait avec un regard compatissant. Les couleurs vives avaient cédées leur place à des tons pastels et évanescents. Rien ici ne semblait tangible.

– Vous avez l'air si triste, quelque chose ne va pas ? Demanda simplement le vieil homme

Martha retenait ses larmes.

– C’était il y a longtemps maintenant, mais je n’ai rien oublié… Réussit-elle à lui dire.

– Vous ne voulez pas abandonner le passé, pas vrai ?

– C’est moi que l’on a abandonnée, tellement de fois

– C’est pourtant la condition humaine, non ? Des gens, des événements et toutes sortes de choses entrent et sortent de notre vie

– Oui, c’est vrai

– Quelque chose est toujours présent et ne nous abandonne jamais ? C'est la même personne qui passe du bonheur à la tristesse n’est-ce pas ? Qui est cette personne ?

Le vieil homme laissa Martha à ses pensées et traversa le pont.

– Attendez !, lança t-elle

Mais tout était déjà en train de disparaître dans la brume. Quand elle se dissipa, Martha vit une porte. Elle était dans une ancienne galerie marchande, aujourd’hui à l’abandon. Un store aux lames tordues et poussiéreuses pendouillait à la porte vitrée. Des logos, tels des hiéroglyphes, témoignaient d’un passé aujourd’hui révolu. Sa vie intérieure avait un temps ressemblé à cet endroit, dépouillée de sa substance. Elle distingua une fleur au milieu des gravas. Elle avait trouvé.

Martha sortit de sa rêverie, bu une gorgée de Dorada et tira une bouffée sur sa cigarette. Les volutes de fumée prenaient la forme d’une île ou d’un archipel. Cela pouvait bien être La Palma, son île, ou le Japon. Cela pouvait être le présent, le passé ou le futur. Ce qui était proche semblait lointain, et inversement. Elle sourit. Peu importaient les souvenirs, ce qui lui été arrivé ou ce qui lui arriverait. Le plus important, c’est qu’elle s’était retrouvée.

[moribundanchor]

The Pelle/Dani Receipts, Post Ten: Plots

After the Ättestupa, stuff moves very, very quickly. Team Hårga ASSEMBLE. Dani has been broken down both by witnessing a gruesome senicide and being forced to look into Pelle’s earnest blue eyes and confront that not only does Christian not love her, but maybe, just maaaaaaybe, she might could love somebody else. Christian is being broken down both by contending with Josh for his mcguffin thesis and being seduced by a cute underage redhead (SO GROSS CHRISTIAN YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED). Plus Simon and Connie, by virtue of completely flipping out and demanding to leave after the Ättestupa, have unwittingly nominated themselves to be off(er)ed first. Once newbloods start disappearing, they disappear at a pretty rapid clip.

Simon and Connie’s disappearances, and Christian’s shrugging indifference to both, trigger Dani big time, as she confronts both how self-absorbed Christian is and how little credit he gives Dani's thoughts. At lunch, after an upset Connie vanishes, Dani is, as usual, seated between Christian and Pelle. As the scene opens, Dani’s back is to Christian and we can’t even see her face because she is looking into Pelle’s smiling eyes. For several seconds. They’re not talking. Just...looking. Like you do. With your buddy what was holding you on your bed and telling you how you deserved better than Christian. And this is the first time we see them since Ari’s impish smash cut from Dani hesitating on the verge of something to Dan’s crushed head.

Dani does eventually ask after Connie, prompting Jarl to give her the super believable official story that she was driven to the train station. Sure, Jarl. And Dani is still having a hard time buying that Simon would just leave without Connie. Especially in the Director’s Cut, we see how Dani notices how devoted they are to each other. But Christian is dismissive, and Dani goes cold. “I could see you possibly doing that,” she says. YASSSS QUEEN. She’s looking straight ahead, jaw set and eyes flinty, as Christian asks her, “What that’s supposed to mean?” She doesn’t answer and Christian should be grateful because the energy is very FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. As it is, we just see Pelle notice and quickly look away, hiding a spreading smile that is practically another hit of the sunshine motif. Meanwhile, Mark is lured away by Inga, a different kind of fool for love.

Simon, Connie, and Mark down; who’s next? Josh! Thesis Goggles strapped on tight, Josh sneaks into the temple to take pictures of the Rubi Radr and is summarily dispatched by an unknown Hårgan male. (2000 quatloos on Ingemar.) We do get a little gratuitous Pelle shirt changing the next morning (which Dani notices and quickly looks away from), and that’s important, but not as a hint that Pelle killed Josh. To begin with, there’s a bunch of reasons Pelle is unlikely to have killed Josh, not least of which our theory about why he isn’t sacrificed at the end: a) We see Pelle in bed when Josh sneaks out, b) even assuming there’s a secret door, Pelle really would have had to book it to get in there behind Josh and we see Josh make it to the temple without any indication of being followed, and c) assuming Pelle was involved in murdering or butchering Josh, we think he probably would have brought a spare shirt. Come on. He did the cake thing.

Pelle changing his shirt is not just eye candy/misdirection though. It’s actually a clever direction from Ari. If you notice, from this point until the Fire Temple ceremony, Pelle is wearing a different shirt with a different rune, Wunjo in black thread, NOT Fehu in blue. We will get more into this in Post Twelve, but Wunjo (”joy”) is an incredibly positive rune that represents everything we know Dani craves: joy, perfection, harmony, overcoming alienation, kinship and family. It literally describes positive, healthy wishes coming true. Pelle wearing this rune on the day Dani wins the dance competition and he kisses her is incredibly significant and indicates not just his intentions, but it shades the meanings of Dani’s runes as well. He is practically wearing a nametag that says, Hi, my name is Dani’s True Love.

At breakfast, Christian is icy about Josh, butthurt that Josh isn’t letting him steal his thesis with good humor, and Elder Sten announces the Rubi Radr is missing. Pelle, as usual, sneaks a look at Dani, presumably to see whether she’s buying it. The real Pelle/Dani content comes afterward, when Sten and Arne question them about Josh and Mark’s whereabouts and make insinuations about the missing Rubi Radr. (Everyone just step back and consider for a second this is all really for Dani’s benefit. While Christian's [sort of] consent clearly is important, they could have drugged him and gotten what they wanted from him at any point here. Dani is the one they want for keeps, and all these elaborate ruses only further isolate Dani from Christian and cushion her absorption into the family.) Everybody just...sort of assumes Mark is snuggling Inga still, I guess, but Christian cannot sell out Josh fast enough, and Dani and Pelle both look at him with undisguised revulsion. Meanwhile, Pelle does take responsibility for his missing friends and the missing holy text, and thus Odd magically appears (Pelle might be fidgeting his fingers or he might be affekting a secret message to Arne during this scene, too) and he’s given leave to go...look for them. [shifty eyes] 

It’s much like the birthday plot. Pelle gives Christian an opportunity to basically be himself, which makes Pelle doing the right thing, even something as simple and baseline human as not immediately forsaking your friend, a total repudiation.

Speaking of Christian being himself, while we don't believe Pelle killed anyone, he's laser focused on helping Christian get himself sacrificed. He takes every chance to stoke Christian’s most selfish impulses from his very first line, and more than that, he really seems to enjoy Christian’s fall. Again, Ari Aster doesn’t make many things in this film simple and plain, but Pelle’s delight in Christian’s corruption is one of those things. We already talked about the smirking in the Director’s Cut version of the car scene and the birthday setup, but once the plots start spinning, we get so much more. 

First, Pelle encourages Christian to think of Maja sexually by teasing him about her “taking a liking” to him and informing him she is of the age of consent. His affect is so permissive and tempting, as though Dani doesn't exist and Pelle is only being his wingman, and when Christian replies "Good for her" a little too grumpily, we know Pelle's aim was true. Pelle visibly savors Christian’s predicament. And he's aware of every bit of the spellcasting on Maja's end. When Christian eats and drinks the pie and beverage with (ahem) a little love story added by Maja, Pelle restrains a smile and a laugh. (This is the same lunch scene where Dani snipes at Christian, so he must have been high-fiving Ingemar behind the chicken coop afterward.) Later, Pelle smirks and watches from the corner of his eye as Ulla tempts Christian with special tea during the dance competition. This scene is particularly loaded in the Director's Cut, where Siv has made it explicit to Christian that Pelle showed Maja his picture prior to their arrival in Hårga. Yet when Christian takes a seat next to Pelle, he says nothing, knowing everything, and neither does Pelle. The masks are all but off. Christian knows what he’s going to do, and he’s ashamed; Pelle knows what Christian is going to do, and he’s triumphant.

And most sexily damningly, when Christian succumbs to a nice puff of paralysis powder courtesy of Father Odd, we see (and Christian sees) Pelle peep in through the chicken coop door. In the script, Pelle is described as looking away in shame, but that’s definitely not the Pelle we have on film. Film Pelle is HERE FOR IT. Film Pelle is gloating. And we think he really wants Christian to know it was him in the end, not out in front, but behind the scenes. While one could look at all of this as a refutation of Vilhelm Blomgren’s emphasis in interviews that Pelle is full of love or proof positive that Pelle is actually a (gasp) villain, consider that, flashes of annoyance at Mark aside, he doesn’t show that kind of animosity toward the others. Mark is willfully ignorant and gross; Josh is disrespectful in the sense that he wants to mine Hårga for his own gratification and ambition. But Christian is the only one he clearly delights in destroying, and that destruction is consonant with his love. Because of Dani. Soft, love-filled Hårgan boy loves Dani enough to hate someone for her sake, and that is a fucked-up wish fulfillment fantasy, make no mistake, but...it is still a very valid and common and powerful wish-fulfillment fantasy. That chicken coop smirk is, at its core, just as much an act of love as the birthday sketch. Dani is one of his family. He will lure his friends to their deaths for all of them, but he will scheme Christian to death just for her.

What? Just because it’s unhealthy doesn’t make it less true.

For more, click on The Pelle/Dani Receipts Masterpost

[miraculousandbts]

BTS | AMAs

P.S. The story is in y/n's perspective. Just because I wanted to.

Summary: You get your first big nomination, but you just had to stumble into a very handsome stranger.

Pairing: OT7 X Reader (Platonic)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.2k

Warning: Reader’s train of thought goes crazy every once in a while. I feel like this should be a warning.

I was hugging my manager and jumping in circles with her, as a way of expressing my happiness. Ashley was not only my manager, but also one of my closest friends, always supporting me and believing in me since the start. Both of us were ecstatic with the news, and this was our way of showing it. Aside from jumping, we both were also screaming very loudly. I had never been so thankful for having a house near the forest area without neighbours.

Oh, wait! I never introduced myself; how rude of me. (Yes, I was thinking about the Thea Stilton books...) I'm y/n, a singer and songwriter. I live in LA. Me and Ash were just watching the American Music Awards nominations, and we just couldn't control our excitement when they took my name. This was my first nomination for an award. It wouldn't be that big of a deal for an experienced artist or someone who has been in the industry for long, but I'm still a rookie, debuting only two years ago.

Me and Ashley finally calmed down when a very startled guard came in and told us that we screamed so loud that he saw bats fly away from deep inside the forest. We sheepishly apologised, and decided to go to sleep. I had been recording a song the whole day, while she had been busy with manager duties, so we both were exhausted. I had actually known her for the last four years, and she often stayed over. So often, in fact, that my guest room had become 'Ashley's Room' very quickly.

After bidding each other happy good nights, we both went to bed in our respective rooms, falling asleep speedily.

*****

Taylor was applying my makeup, while I sat in the stiff makeup chair. This had been going on for the past hour, despite me telling her that I wanted light makeup and a simple dress. Instead, she and my stylist Ben decided to go against my wishes for once. Ben had prepared an extravagant dress too fancy even for a royal ball, and I was thankful it wasn't pink or blue or yellow; I absolutely did not want to look like a princess, that just wouldn't be me. Taylor kept on applying a little too much makeup on my face for my liking. She was very talented, so at least I was sure I wouldn't look bad.

Right now, she was working on my eye makeup, expertly putting on eyeliner and...something. I'm not good with this stuff. Taylor's assistant, whose name I always forgot, was painting my nails. I looked at her working. She was a pro at this. She smoothly glided the brush over my nails, effortlessly painting them purple, and then decorating them. She used as less materials as possible, knowing I hated it when even my nails felt heavy; my face was enough.

After two more hours of torture, I was finally ready. I looked breathtaking, but if I had an option, I would still go with something lighter. After another hour of sitting in the limo, we were finally there.

I got out, and there were cameras in my face. All I saw were purple blotches, because the camera men couldn't use their brains enough to shut off the flash. Or maybe those cameras didn't have an option to shut off the flash.

Anyway, I struck a few poses, blew some kisses, and walked ahead. And then I saw Dan. He was a reporter for such gigs, and I often did short interviews with him. He wasn't like the others; he didn't ask about rumours or made new ones, he didn't ask controversial questions to increase their channel's TRP.

I gave him a grin and walked towards him.

"Hey, Dan."

"Y/n! Looking beautiful as always."

"Oh, you flatter me." I kept a hand on my chest.

"Okay, stop with the over dramatics, girlie." You grinned.

He motioned his cameraman to start recording. I tuned out the whole introduction, and focused when he asked me a question, the said question being how was I feeling about being here even though it hadn't been long since my debut. "It's all thanks to my fans. I love making music, and I believe that if you do something with true passion, you will be successful. I guess this is destiny's way of showing me that what I'm doing is right. And not gonna lie, it feels like I've been feeling like I'm on a sugar rush since the nominees were announced, because of the adrenaline."

After some more questions and smiles, I finally went in.

I was too focused on not tripping on my own feet because of the long dress, so the first thing I did after entering was bump into someone. Great! I wasn't even surprised anymore, knowing how I was. "I am so sorry!" I looked up with wide eyes, only to meet kind brown ones. It took me a second to register that he wasn't alone, six other men behind him. They seemed familiar. I could tell they were from east Asia. I glanced at all of them, and then looked at him, apologising again.

"It is okay." He had a cute accent to his English, and I internally smiled, not only because of his accent, but also because he wasn't mad. I must've smiled in relief, because he looked amused. Now that I was looking at him properly, he was handsome, with a capital H. Little round face, pretty eyes, cute boop-able nose. And then he smiled. And then I died. It was the cutest smile I had ever seen!

Thankfully, I wasn't the kind of gal who would stand there checking him out. All of this took me a second, and I excused myself after thanking him.

*****

"Oh, hey!" I heard a smooth deep voice as soon as I sat down. I looked to my side and found one of the friends of the man I had bumped into earlier. I was right, my brain didn't forget. I smiled a small smile. "Hey."

Extending my hand towards him the old fashioned way, introduced myself. "Y/n."

He shook my hand, seemingly unfazed by my apparent childish behaviour. "Kim Namjoon, more commonly known as RM."

That's when it clicked. RM. K-Pop. BTS. My eyes must've widened; I was always terrible at hiding my emotions. "Everything okay?" He brought me out of my stupor. "Uh, yeah. Just, when I stumbled into one of you guys before, you all seemed familiar, I just couldn't place your faces anywhere." I replied honestly. "Oh." He simply leaned back into his chair and nodded.

"So, in which category are you nominated?" He continued.

"Top social artist. You?"

"Same. It'll be a four year streak for us if we win again."

"Ooh, really. Well then, I hope you win."

"Don't you want to win?"

"Coming here already feels like a dream. I don't think I can handle the adrenaline if I do win."

"So basically you want us to win for completely selfish purposes, huh?"

You both laughed at that remark, and continued making small talk for a while. Then he said he had to use the washroom. I hummed in his direction, and as soon as he got up, I saw the guy I had ran into in the chair next to his.

He had noticed Namjoon getting up too, so he was looking on my direction. He grinned at me, and sat in Namjoon's chair. "Hello."

"Hey."

"I am sorry. My English is not that good. Only Namjoon speaks English." He sheepishly rubbed his neck. "Why are you apologising for that?" I was genuinely curious. It was okay to not know perfect English. Even though I was a native English speaker, I still made mistakes. Everyone did. And the said language wasn't even his first language. "At the entrance, I wanted to talk."

"Oh. Well, You should have, I don't judge because of stuff like this." He smiled at that. "I will introduce you to them." He gestured to his band mates who were very engrossed in the show. Before he could do that, I interrupted him. "Hey, sorry. I haven't been in the industry for long, and I've only ever heard your guys' name, so...I only know RM and V? Is that right? So, yeah, I don't know your name."

I cursed at myself internally. Way, to go y/n! So damn awkward. He must've sensed my hesitation, because all he did was offer me his hand. Ooh, the old fashioned way. Good to know I wasn't the only one.

"Suga."

"Y/n." I shook his hand. Namjoon came back at that moment and him and Suga said something to each other in Korean. Wait, Suga? That does not sound right. Oh, right! It must be his stage name.

And then I facepalmed. Literally. I didn't think before my hand met my forehead. I must've made a pretty loud smack, because both of them were now looking at me like I was some weirdo. I sighed and slowly hid my face in my hands. "These kind of things always happen to me..." I mumbled.

I looked up when I heard them chuckling. I pouted, but I knew they could see the relief on my face that they didn't think of me like I was demented. "Don't worry, we've been living with these guys for the past eight years, these kind of things don't faze us anymore." Namjoon gestured to the other guys, who were still oblivious to their surroundings, absorbed in the performances.

I let out a breathy chuckle at the fact that they were so openly dissing their own friends. Namjoon, by now, was seated in the chair in which Suga was previously sitting in.

"So, I refuse to believe that Suga is your real name. And I would rather be literal friends with you guys, rather than two artists who just know each other."

"Yoongi. Min Yoongi." The way he said it reminded me of how Geronimo Stilton introduced himself. 'Why my brain has to go down completely random memory lanes is beyond me...and why am I thinking about a kid's book series?'

Within the next hour, I had been introduced to the other guys, and all of us were conversing about anything and everything. Seokjin was very happy that I was loving his dad jokes, Hoseok was a little too excited about my proposal of shooting a dance cover on one of mine or their songs, Jimin, Taehyung and me got along very well, as we were all the same age, and Jungkook had offered to teach me boxing, after I expressed my wish to learn it.

All in all, I was getting along very well with them. They were fun to be with, and it was absolutely adorable how they sometimes got flustered over their mistakes while talking. After the fun night ended, I congratulated them on their win, and went home, completely exhausted.

*****

"Noona!" Jungkook was the first to notice me. With wide eyes and a happy grin, he came to hug me. I had decided to surprise the boys by coming to Korea. Right now, I was standing in their dance studio. Even after four years, we were still going strong. It felt like now I had four elder brothers, two twins, and a kid. '...that was a terrible reference...god, please tell me what is wrong with me.'

Soon, all the boys came to hug me, though I tried running away to avoid their sweaty hugs, but Jungkook held me at one place, while I tried to squirm away. I should've just waited in their dorm.

"Kookie!" All I got in reply was a mischievous giggle. He really was a baby. Later that day, a collaboration between us was confirmed, and I couldn't have been happier.

Geronimo Stilton and Thea Stilton might be kids’ books, but they’re still the best!! Change my mind, I dare you.

[princessmadafu]

37 bleedin’ pages!

I have condensed them for you and left out most of the bits that the nasty evil British Press have already covered. Feel free to skip any boring bits.

Dax Shepard: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert's Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

Monica Padman: Hi.

[...]

There follows some heavy marketing of towels and stuff...

DS: Now please enjoy Prince Harry. We are supported by Brookelinen. My favourite hotel quality sheets to get into and writhe around in the nude. [...] They're impeccable. They're decadent, they're soft, they're absorbent. Brookelinen was started to create beautiful high quality home essentials that don't cost an arm and a leg. They're so confident in their product, they come with a 365 day warranty. So give yourself that comfort refresh you deserve and get it for less. Go to Brookelinen.com and use promo code 'expert' to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com and enter promo code 'expert' for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com, promo code 'expert'.

Pretty ironic really, as Harry wades into fake news and how advertising algorithms are ruining us...

DS:...It's like the algorithms on the internet. You can't compete with that, a human.

PH: You can't if you have the awareness of what it's doing to you. And the fact that it's learning, which is scary. And advertising has been going on for hundreds of years, but done really responsibly. The difference here is targeted ads. If ads have always worked for companies, you can put on the TV, you can walk away, you can come back, your involvement is switching on switching off or changing the channel. Whereas now with algorithms is there, it's just feeding your habits. And it's also reading through your emails and everything else. So it's getting to know you, like, it gets to know the decisions you're gonna make before you make them, then it creates this echo chamber of no pushback, of no context of nothing. It's just perpetuating and feeding the bias and the habits that you already have inside of you, which is terrible.[...]

Harry needs to learn about AdBlock and Ghostery and VPNs and Tor and DuckDuckGo and Smartpage and all the other clever little ways the computer-literate have of ridding their lives of unwanted advertising. I haven't seen an ad in years. The only person feeding my habits is me. It’s called personal responsibility. Maybe Harry still needs a Nanny but most grown-ups don’t. Oh wait, I forgot, the “Meghan&Harry Show” fans are all kids.

PH: [...] It's a computer. It's like, who wrote the algorithms? You guys did? Probably all male and all white.

Oooh, let's be sexist and racist, Harry! Did you ever hear of these women or are they too scary?

https://biztechmagazine.com/article/2012/05/mothers-technology-10-women-who-invented-and-innovated-tech

Then they discuss Naked Vegas (this guy Dax has a thing about nudity) and Harry in Afghanistan. And discuss a calendar of naked men that DS and MP put together - their favourite male bodies. What a good job it's only gloating over naked male bodies and not naked female bodies. It's apparently acceptable, for some reason. Harry doesn't know who the guys are.

DS: Monica makes this for me every year and it's a calendar of all my favourite bodies of friends.

MP: And they're all men.

DS: They're all men.

MP: And they're all gorgeous bodies.

[...]

And is Harry nervous talking about mental health? He shouldn't be, he's been banging on about it for years.

PH: Yeah. Was I nervous? No. Not so much nervous. But I guess on this particular subject around mental health. Yeah. For me, it's always a, unfortunately, today's world is quite a sensitive subject, not just for the people who are sharing. But ultimately, the subject matter itself has to be handled with care. [...] It ends up getting weaponized by certain people.

Weaponised by certain people? Like him and Markle, for instance. Neither of 'em has any talent so they weaponise their mental health. Big big mental health bombs loaded with word salad to lob at their own families and cause huge distress. Not nice, Harry.

PH: That's how I've always felt when it comes to projection. I mean, hatred is a form of projection, right? [...] We're not born to hate people. So it manifests itself over a period of time. And of course, it can come from unresolved pain, or being hurt continually, as a young kid or through adult life. But ultimately, there's a source to it. There's a reason why you want to hate somebody else.

Like his dad, his brother...

PH: And actually have some compassion for them. Which is really hard when you're on the receiving end of this, like, just vile, toxic abuse. But the reality is, is you say, flip it. [...] Every single one of us wherever we are, wherever we come from, there will always try and find some way to be able to mask the actual feeling and be able to try and make us feel different to how we are actually feeling, perhaps having a feeling. Right, because so many people are just numb to it. That was a huge part of the beginning of my life, which was like, I rejected. I said, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

And now he's moved on to promoting his new mental health stuff with Oprah, The Me You Can't See...

PH: So if you are making that conscious decision to say: You know what, it's not self serving, but I want to share my story. I'm being asked to share my story to hopefully help someone or loads of other people. I'm probably going to get trolled. I'm probably going to get attacked by the same people that were doing anyway. If I'm willing to make that decision, surely that comes from a place of courage rather than weakness?

Or possibly naivety. Harry is only wanted for his money-making title and royal status; he has no mental health qualifications, he's not a mental health professional, he's not an expert, all he brings to the table is the glamour of being a prince of the BRF. Which he quite clearly hates. Markle is lining her pockets from their self-indulgent mental health whinge fest and he's too dim to see it. There follows the bit about the spectrum of upbringing that the press is covering nicely so I can skip the next few pages - the bits where Harry says he doesn't see that talking about his own issues is complaining, and “it's the job, right”, how he never wanted the job of being royal, and his therapy and how “massively self-critical” he is (yet still can't see that he's not being honest with himself), ooh and sharing his hatred of the British press - that's a good bit, let's skip to page 18:

PH I think the biggest issue for me was that being born into it, you inherit the risk, you inherit the risk that comes with it, you inherit every element of it without choice. And because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally like a full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their, well, most of the readers, that that is the case. But I think it's a really dangerous place to be if you don't have a choice, but then, of course, then people quite rightly will turn around and go. So what if you didn't have a choice? It was privilege? [...] Page Six of the New York Post, they took pictures of my son being picked up from school on his first day [...] But I guess my point is the way that I look at it, especially now living here one hour outside LA. Like it's a feeding frenzy here. We spent the first three and a half months living at Tyler Perry's house. You let us stay. And the helicopter helicopters, the drones the paparazzi cutting the fence like it was madness. And people out there -Their response was, Well, what do you expect if you live in LA? It's like, Okay, well, first of all, we didn't mean to live in LA. This is like a staging area before we try and find a house. And secondly, how sad that if you live in LA and you're well known figure, you just have to accept it. The first security we had, I said, Well, where's the safest place? Inside. Just because I'm a well known person, you can't go outside anymore. [...] it's really, really sad. And of course, their argument is - the paparazzi and everybody else - is like all if you're in the public space, then it's absolutely fine for us to do it. So what is our human right as an individual and as a family, you're saying that if the moment we step foot out of our house, that it's open season and free game? What? Because of public interest?. There's no public interest in you taking your kids for a walk down the beach. Nothing...

And on and on it goes... He should've stayed in the UK then. The Cambridges are managing very nicely, thank you. They take their kids for walks on the beach, and we'd never seen them until they released their anniversary video the other week. Harry's clearly envious of William; Harry's mad wife is vitriolically envious of Catherine. Oh and I’m pretty sure it’s the mad wife who keeps phoning her go-to paps when she needs to be in the news again.

PH: [...] I believe we live in an age now where you've got certain elements of the media redefining to us what privacy means. There's a massive conflict of interest. And then you've got social media platforms, trying to redefine what free speech means. Why - I wonder why you're doing that. And again - so this has been happening for 15 years now. And we're living in this world where we've almost like all the laws have been completely flipped by the very people that need them flipped so they can make more money and they can capitalise off our pain, grief, and this sort of general self destructive mode that's happening at the moment [...]

He doesn't get how hypocritical this is, does he? The Markles are the ones capitalising on their grief, pain and the rest of it. And no-one would be interested in them without the royal bits because they have nothing else to offer. Failed actress and used-to-be-a-soldier wrapped up in festering bitterness.

Blah, blah... went shopping in a supermarket... saw lots of chewing gum... blah, blah... Archie on the back of his bicycle... girls want to be princesses... You don't need to be a princess, you can create the life that will be better than any princess or it's something along those lines... she said she expected [the press] to be fair... Pages and pages of how he hates the British press...

PH: [...] And especially when you can't defend yourself so yes, I think when you marry into it, especially when it's one Princess Diana's sons there is a certain amount of 'okay what I'm actually letting myself in for?' But very few people actually know - apart from the Brits - how toxic that element of the of the UK press is.[...]

We're up to page 24 now, if you're still with me. Oh here it is, Harry's unconscious bias... What’s the betting the mad wife has scripted this bit for him?

PH: [...] So going back to the whole sort of travelling around the Commonwealth, I thought I knew, right, having been able to travel that much and meet so many and such a diverse group of people. I thought I understood life. Especially bearing in mind most of the countries I was going to were, most of the communities are going to were people of colour. But then I was really shocked once I started doing therapy. And that bubble was burst. And I started doing my own work, really - a lot of work - and started to uncover and understand more about unconscious bias. And I was like, wow, I thought since I screwed up when I was younger, and then did the work. I thought I then knew. But I didn't. And I still don't fully know. It's like a constant working progress. And every single one of us has it. [...] Everyone has biases, of all sorts. But I think it's a really important point, especially now, after everything's happened in the last year and a half, like the world is changing, the younger generation are driving it. And you've got to like a multi-racial, cultural sort of movement happening, which has never happened before. But unconscious bias is the way that I understand it, is, again, it's not something that's wrong with you. Right? And you don't have to be defensive about it. That's the thing. No one's blaming you. But the moment that you acknowledge that you do have unconscious bias, what are you going to do about it? Because if you choose to do nothing you're continuing to fuel the problem, which means that you're then heading towards racism. Whereas unconscious bias is actually something that is inherent, unfortunately, in every single one of us. But that it is possible to educate yourself to be more aware of the problems and therefore be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Markle's got him well-trained on this one, hasn't she. I wonder if he's read anything critical of the unconscious bias movement, or just repeating what he's been told to. Oh and then he goes off about being in the army...

PH: I loved it. I love wearing the same uniform as everybody else. I love being treated the same. I love the expectation of if you want to get that job, or you want that promotion, or you want to finish this race, it's all on you. There's no special treatment, you're not going to get any help. If anything, you're probably going to get treated the opposite because everyone thinks that you've had an easy life. And everyone's always helped you get to where you are.

But...but...but, Harry wasn't treated the same, there was special treatment, he was helped to get to where he was. He scraped a couple of poor quality A Levels and got admitted to Sandhurst because he's a prince. Good old Wikipedia says:

In June 2003, Harry completed his education at Eton with two A-Levels,[22] achieving a grade B in art and D in geography, having decided to drop history of art after AS level.[23] He has been described as "a top tier athlete", having played competitive polo and rugby union.[24] One of Harry's former teachers, Sarah Forsyth, has asserted that Harry was a "weak student" and that staff at Eton conspired to help him cheat on examinations.[25][26] Both Eton and Harry denied the claims.[25][27] While a tribunal made no ruling on the cheating claim, it "accepted the prince had received help in preparing his A-level 'expressive' project, which he needed to pass to secure his place at Sandhurst."[25][28]

PH: And then suddenly, like - while I was at school, I hated exams. And I promised myself I'd never do exams again. Then I joined the army of which is full of exams. I still promised myself I'm never gonna do it and then I end up flying Apache [...]

Gods, it's getting boring. Even the interviewers are zoning out. Still ten pages to go. Wish I hadn't started this, I could be out weeding. Weather's nice, not too windy... Do I deserve a quick G&T yet?

PH: Or worse, was they turn around and say, right, because last week, you're out the front. This week, you got to carry his bergan, I'm like - what, 30 extra pounds? Nooo. But it was, it was the most normalising experience or job that I could have ever hoped for. And then going to Afghanistan twice [...] And someone said to me very recently, from the moment that you're born into today's world, life is trauma, so the sooner that we actually acknowledge that but but [...]

A-a-a-a-and he's back on the mental health thing, PTSD or PTSI,

PH: Post Traumatic Stress Injury is like: Well, that makes sense, because I just saw my mate get blown out. But the other piece of this is, what we need to remember is, the lot of the recruiting that we do in the UK, comes from certain cities and certain homes, where there's childhood trauma. So what we collectively have already got inside of us, the trigger of seeing something happen in Iraq, Afghanistan can be the trigger. So everyone goes: Oh, it's because they were on operations, and because they saw their makeup blown up. It's like, no. [...] So that's what I've been working on for years, for the last five years, which is like, and it started in therapy of like, I don't want to lose this thing, because I think it's, I feel so connected to my mum. [...]

They move on to parenting, which the press is rubbing its hands over... Harry blaming everyone but himself and his saintly mother - Charles, HMTQ, PP... "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad". But not the mum bit. He can't push his mum off her pedestal.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse if you don't know Larkin's poetry. How much more? Nearly there. Monica loves The Crown and doesn't realise it's fictitious.

DS: [...]Well, Harry, I've really really liked talking to you. You're very charming. You're very intelligent. You're handsome, and I can't wait to see your torso.

MP: Thank you so much for coming.

DS: So I just want to remind everyone that May 21 on Apple Plus, you should check out Oprah and Prince Harry's 'The Me You Can't See'. I have to imagine it's similar to her book, which I just read, which is absolutely incredible 'What happened to you?' So everyone should check out 'The me you can't see' on Apple plus May 21.

And still Harry won't shut up... Shut up, shut up. Cut his mic. You don't have to read this last bit, they've already wound up the interview...He still won’t shut up.

PH: Yeah, we're moving from the physical to the emotional, right, physically. At the beginning of this pandemic, people were panicking. And there was that fight or flight like, ahh what do we do like lockdown, survival? Yeah. And now that the vaccines have been sort of, we're getting to the point where more and more people are being vaccinated, we're now in the emotional phase of what I read in the New York Times article was called languishing, which is really interesting. It's like the is the middle child between flourishing and depression. You just feel flat, and it's not depressed. It's definitely not flourishing. You lack the energy and the will, the motivation, all that kind of stuff. Because you're kind of sitting there going - Well, what happens next? And I think it's really important that we talk about languishing. And it was coined by someone I can't remember who but I think it was the journalist who wrote the story was Adam Grant. No, he didn't come up with it. Someone else came up with him, he wrote this, the most amazing article about languishing and the fact that how important it is to be able to talk about it because - look when it comes to mental health, we need to realise and accept that every single one of us have mental health. There's varying degrees, as we said, you've got the mental illness, and then you've got the sort of the awareness and the work that you can put in, like, Where do you want to be that we shouldn't just sit there and go: Oh, mental illness is once we are literally on the floor crawling around in the foetal position needing help. But for me, I don't think I need therapy anymore. But I wanted. And when I say therapy, I mean, actual therapy, sitting down having a discussion with someone. But I also mean like, nature, like going for walks, like throwing the ball for my dog down the beach and stuff like that. There are certain things around the world that are free, some you have to pay for, but ultimately go searching for the things that make you feel good about yourself. Like that's the key to life, get rid of the bad stuff, get rid of the hate, and just focus on the good. And your whole life turns around from that. I hate this idea. And I was one of them. I fell for it. Right? I didn't acknowledge that clearly what happened to me when I was 12 years old, losing my mom and all the other pieces that happened, the traumatic experiences that happened to me since then, I didn't acknowledge them, when perhaps - maybe I need to deal with this because if I don't, how the hell am I going to be a decent father to my son and my daughter? Like that awareness, I didn't have then. But again, we've got what - 40 experts as part of this series, and the Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, she's absolutely fantastic. And she was talking about this concept of mental health being sort of public health, right. Because the services are so limited. There's not enough money. The problem is actually immense. How can we all help each other rather than this: 'Oh, once I'm broken, or once I'm suffering, I have to go here.' And there's not enough rooms or spaces for the amount of people or the for the need, when actually you can get ahead of it, and work on the prevention by sharing and being more vulnerable with each other, and being able to process this grief or this loss, or this trauma that every single one of us have experienced and will experience. So anyone who's sitting there going: 'I don't have a problem, and I never will have a problem.' Well, you probably are already contributing to the problem, because you probably got your blinkers on, you probably created your own echo chambers. So I think it's a that, that's certainly what I've experienced for my own process, my own journey, my family and my friends and everybody else is. Anyone who thinks, oh, we're fine. You're the one who's like, willing to talk about it. It's like, yeah, I'm willing to talk about it and talking about it. And the financial element as well. We're pouring money into on the downsteam, when it's like, Can we just focus upstream? Yeah, we focus on one thing, like to me listen to Oprah was what was one of the reasons that this whole thing started was two of the biggest issues that we're facing in today's world, I think, is the climate crisis, and mental health. And they're both intrinsically linked. Basically if we neglect our collective wellbeing, then we're screwed. Basically, because we can't look after ourselves. We can't look after each other. We can't look after each other, we can't look after this home that we all inhabit. So it's all part of the same thing.

DS: Prince Harry, I don't say this lightly. I love you. Thanks for coming. This was great.

M: Thank you so much.

PH: Thank you very much.

Wish I'd done my weeding.

[fizzingwizard]

OK gang here we go, episode 33!

It was better than last week, which was better than the week before, so... make of that what you will.

Pic of the week!

A look of steely Dan determination.

More below!

Like I said, this episode is an improvement on the last one, by virtue of plot stuff actually happening, a few big happenings, and references to the other kids that suggest they haven’t been completely forgotten about (only mostly). Don’t get excited though - it still leaves much to be desired. I cry endlessly for the animation budget. But let’s get into it...

Taichi and friends are still in pursuit of SkullKnightmon and Hikari. We found our for sure last week that the creature in the little crystal is, indeed, Millenniumon, or rather a fragment of him, and his fragments fell all around the Digital World at the end of the great war or whatever it’s called and they’re the source of the miasma and they absorb energy from the human world etc etc...

So we find this big ass crystal which seems to be the central one, I guess? because it’s the biggest? and several creepy looking acolytes (dun dun DUN it’s VADEMON my FAVORITE DIGIMON) surrounding it and chanting...

Vademon: Find the horcux, kill Harry Potter, find the horcrux, kill Harry Potter,

In other news, there’s a lot of doom and gloom happening with Jou, who, bereft of his underwear, is forced to censor himself with his partners head. Gomamon you don’t deserve this

Jou: I need to get away from these Nanimon before I go prematurely bald too!!

Mimi, meanwhile, is Boxing Champion of the World.

Koushirou is the only one working. He’s on his way to pick up Jou, so I guess that means Yamato will get Mimi? That’ll be fun lol. We saw Yamato for half a second but it was the same frame of him riding Garurumon we’ve seen five times already so why bother capping it.

Koushirou is also keeping an eye on the satellite situation but doesn’t know what to do about it yet. Kabuterimon asks if he shouldn’t take a break about now and Koushirou says “I’m okay, besides, this is the only thing I’m good for” T___T you know this would be heart-breaking if I really believed the writers have ACTUAL PLANS to make good on Koushirou-related character development.... >:[

no this honestly pisses me off so much but I STILL do believe we will get SOMETHING for him and the others and probably not too far in the future... I think... I hope ugh

Back to Team A, they see lots of Digimon coming at them. Taichi’s like “it’s an attack!” but Sora, whose Fight Mode unlike Taichi’s has an actual Off switch, is about to figure out that they are in fact not interested in the kids at all and are running away from something.

Taichi: I can’t believe they didn’t want to kill us. Doesn’t everything in this world want to kill us?

The Digimon are fleeing from a suspicious crater with a familiar stone in the center. SkullKnightmon raises his own crystal fragment into the air and stuff happens.

By stuff I mean black lightning and purple-blue light which is meant to signify Evil which is mega DUMB because blue and purple are the most awesome color combo EVER I mean it throw some turquoise in there too and I will buy it whatever it is a necklace a shawl a codpiece

There are eight crystals that rise from the ground surrounding the central crystal and share energy with it. I thought the number eight might be significant you know for obvious reasons but it doesn’t appear to matter in this episode.

Evil crystals or not, Taichi’s on his way to save Hikari once and for all!

Hikari: Thanks, but no thanks, oniichan.

Taichi: H-Hikari! You don’t understand! You’re too young to go off with a strange man!

Hikari: But oniichan I love him

Taichi: Who do you think I am, Tevye!? You’re not marrying him and that’s final!

Hikari: waaah why don’t you understand me!!

ok back to the story...

Hikari abandons her brother for his muscular studly lover SkullKnightmon.

... >_>

Using Hikari’s powers, SkullKnightmon evolves to Gundamon DarkKnightmon. Meanwhile there’s lots of chanting and stuff about this being SkullKnightmon’s purpose or some such. I still kinda hope we get a redemption arc for SkullKnightmon or that he has something more to do with the story...

Agumon stops Taichi from wigging out and they go to save Hikari together, but before they can they are beset from all angles by henchmen.

Sora: Hey, you take care of Tweedle Dee and I’ll get Tweedle Dum!

Birdramon: *gets punched in the head* I hope you brought enough aspirin...

Then these guys appear. I’ve forgotten their names but evil as they look they literally just stand there till they get blown up and then more appear... I guess that’s a kind of talent

Takeru: Leave the small fry to me!

Pegasusmon: Takeru when I said I wanted a Happy Meal this isn’t what I meant

Hikari begins to be absorbed into a dark pocket dimension of DarkKnightmon’s or something like that. It seems like a very chill experience.

Taichi: I’ll save you! Take my hand!

Hikari: O... nii... chan... Fuck you...

ok so here’s my problem here.

This is meant to be all emotional and stuff right?? Hikari’s been blowing off her brother for an unknown reason (we all figured out what it was but look the main characters don’t know and that’s what counts) and he’s finally managed to catch up with her. His hand is inches away from catching hers and pulling her to safety. She’s got creepy glowing eyes. She mouths “o..nii...chan...” with a creepy smile before being pulled into darkness.

I know it’s for kids so it’s not going to be too scary or anything but there ‘just like... no build up here. The storytelling style is too mathematical. “We go from Plot Point A to Plot Boint B via Battles 1 2 and 3...” There’s nothing happening in between to make us feel Taichi’s desperation, or even to know what Hikari’s feeling in this moment. Is she really okay with this? Is she having second thoughts? It doesn’t make any sense for her not to be scared. I fully expected her to go through with it, but she can be scared and still go through with it... come on...

It’s like that scene from Utena except sapped of any and all emotional impact.

I don’t really remember how Greymon got up there in the first place since he can’t fly but at least we get a scene of him and Taichi plummeting to the earth after failing to save Hikari. The kind of thing that would be dramatic if there were any kind of animation budget at all.

The one thing the show is sure to do is show us Taichi’s expressions, which I guess is something... It’s just so rushed and the accompanying dialogue leaves something to be desired.

Greymon: Don’t give up, Taichi... Taichi... um. what are you doing...

Taichi: stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself

Anyway, Taichi is Big Mad. I thought (hoped, to be honest) that we might get a glimpse of him going wild with dark energy like in the Devimon episode again... Or at least a hint that that was a possibility in the heat of the moment before Agumon snapped him out of it. But nope.

He takes a moment to be upset and then says “There’s no time to worry about what to do” and goes to save Hikari... from inside DarkKnightmon somehow :P

This does not go well.

Meanwhile Hikari is surprisingly okay for someone who was just eaten alive by sentient VantaBlack. She discovers a peculiar light inside... DarkKnightmon’s intestine??? Is that where we are now??? lmao

She recognizes the light as the voice that has been calling her and tries to head towards it, but is blocked by some purple jello.

There’s a kind of cool thing that happens here... We just had a scene where Taichi desperately tries to grab his sister’s hand and yank her out of the clutches of evil, but fails, mostly because she doesn’t do anything to help him since she is weirdly okay with the situation. Now we get a mirror of that moment with Hikari bursting out of the jello with her arm outstretched to grab what is clearly Tailmon’s paw.

Only Tailmon does take Hikari’s hand.

It was really cool to see the brother and sister paralleling each other this much. It shows the ways they’re both courageous and determined and caring.

Meanwhile Taichi finally whips out WarGreymon. Honestly, I feel like this should have been WarGreymon’s intro episode. This would have been a good time for a new evolution, rather than in a fight with a nobody that I’ve already forgotten. Idk. WarGreymon uses Brave Tornado to knock DarkKnightmon’s lances away and burrow into his armor. So, yeah, Hikari’s in his intestines, lmao.

Hikari is being chased by a two-headed monster who is in for the migraine of its (their?) life when the tornado crashes into it.

Hikari: Big brother! You look so cool!

Taichi: Promise me that no matter how many men come into your life, I’ll always be number one.

Hikari: okay that is creepy

WarGreymon explodes DarkKnightmon from the inside out x’D and Taichi gets a redo of his hand-reaching scene. First he berates Hikari for running off on her own and then smiles.

Hikari says she always believed he’d rescue her. Aww.

Sweet sibling love.

Then there’s this really hilarious sound which turns out to be the Vademon hivemind giving a collective cry of distress x’D it’s lmfao amazing. Then they start chanting “Next time next time next time” just in case you thought Millennium was defeated and we can go home now.

Taichi: Sora, do you know where I can buy a leash for this kid? I can’t keep chasing her like this. Aren’t kids today supposed to be glued to their phones and never go outside?

Patamon’s Girlfriend Radar piques at the bundle in Hikari’s arms.

And it is indeed Tailmon, and she’s been waiting for Hikari all this time.

Tailmon: I am Tailmon, a Holy Digimon.

Patamon: oh my god you can’t just call yourself holy ugh you’re so self-centered

D’awww.

They’re both sooooo cute. I’m annoyed they didn’t get a cool ending card like Takeru and Patamon did last week though. But still, this is a sweet moment.

So, there’s not a lot to complain about in this episode, comparatively speaking. I wish we had more dialogue and understood the value of a dramatic pause etc. Also wish Sora and Takeru had more to do than fight the henchmen. Like, if you can just erase an entire part of an episode and it still works fine, you clearly didn’t need that part so why waste time on it.

But at least we do get reactions from Taichi, and at least we got plot development. The Taichi/Hikari parallels were cool. And even though I had other hopes for how this arc would turn out, I’m glad it’s over because maybe we can finally do some other stuff now. Maybe. I want to get back to Koushirou SOOO bad but more than anything I am still gobsmacked by how long it’s been since Yamato’s had anything to do but ride on Garurumon. That is WEIRD. He’s YAMATO.

Next week...

... Looks like it’ll be a light-hearted undersea episode. I’m cool with that. The preview clips had a “Sebastian’s Calypso” vibe that I dig. It’s still about Taichi’s group but I think that’s to do more actual face time with Tailmon and Hikari. I hope we see the others as well and if not maybe the week after. I will be happy if this episode has some personality to it.

[intoapuddle]

Trees

G / Introspection / Identity Issues / 830 words

Admitting to something you know to be true can make or break a person.

Read on AO3

Admitting to something you know to be true can make or break a person.

Hands are safe. Delicate, clean. Veins visible through the skin, reaching from the inside of his wrists and branching thick inside the palms. They’re something like trees. Just existing in place until they grow. From one day to the next, they draw his attention again. They look different every time. The comfort they offer remains, though, replacing the eyes’ endless deception.

There are no simple answers, because no question has been posed. Fleeting thoughts come to a stop. Fulfillment becomes an abstract concept; everything changes, and one must adjust. Phil is adjusting to this once again. These non-questions that have no simple answers because right now he’s looking at his own hand where it’s held by Dan’s between them on the sofa. It’s an ordinary night. It must be an ordinary night, right?

Phil’s past is made up of periods of time when he convinced himself that he knew how to deal with it. For a while, it didn’t matter what anyone thought or assumed. As long as Phil knew, he had no reason to give it space in his mind. He was so sure it didn’t matter, anyway. Most of his strange ideas don’t matter.

The difference between now and back then is that knowing isn’t enough. Another step begs to be taken. Phil didn’t sign up for this, though. He never asked for it. If he got to choose, he would stay in place. Instead he's blissfully ignorant until he’s not and he’s trampled by an emotion he’s come to define as ‘dysphoria’.

What hurts is the feeling that something is wrong, but that there’s literally nothing he can do about it. There is no way out of it because it’s all so physical, part of him, silent for long enough that he thinks it’s gone until it comes back louder than before.

If Phil allowed it to, it would make him feel. It would be sadness slipping into anger, trying to find a footing anywhere but inside the body which contains it. Phil won’t feel, though. He won’t attach it to anything that he knows it doesn’t belong to. It’s all himself, freaking out all the time, hiding.

He broke his own promise of speaking the words more times than he can count. He locks it harder in his chest instead. Love hasn’t changed it. Wealth hasn’t changed it. Fame hasn’t changed it. Sharing other poorly kept secrets made it slightly easier. He just hates that his new-found freedom has been tainted by other thoughts he can’t ever predict.

Everyone thinks they know Phil. He’s easy, uncomplex. It’s really easy to keep up that front as long as you control everything others get to see.

What Phil can’t control is himself. He can’t control Dan. He can’t control the fact that Dan notices that Phil goes mute and that he’s soothed by being close. By resting his head upon his partner’s chest. Cradled, caressed. Behind closed eyelids Phil can pretend like the physical world doesn’t exist and that he’s allowed to be as little of anything as he feels. What he knows to be true. He wishes it didn’t paint the rest of the world in such an ugly light. If only he could live sans comparison. He’s only ever anything in relation to someone else. But the ‘something’ he’s been assigned is and always was distorted.

In the quiet, Phil acknowledges it. He can tell himself he’s this or that, and feel less crazy for a moment. But when it all comes pressing down, and he gains that hypersensitivity towards being identified as anything, Phil thinks things like ‘hands are trees’, and ‘they should speak for my eyes’. Dan isn’t a stranger to abstract concepts or the way Phil’s brain works, but he already puts up with enough, doesn’t he?

Phil’s face gets so hot when he cries. Even so, Dan provides a kind of warmth Phil craves. He wants to push his face against his skin. He wants Dan to absorb those tears and make them not exist any more than the stories Phil tells himself in order to cope.

There’s no way to control what Dan knows. If there was, Dan wouldn’t already know the truth Phil hasn’t told.

Phil wants to be defined by his hands. They tell no story. They don’t reveal a history of surrounding assumptions and comparison and struggle. No other part of him remains so nondescript. Perhaps it’s the fact that Dan holds his hand without comparison or identifiers that lets Phil know that it’s only a matter of time before one of them acknowledges it out loud.

Might be a long wait until then. Might not. It’s not a stressful thought, either way. Because when Phil covers his eyes palms up, Dan kisses the branches. He doesn’t ask for deception. The trees exist in place until they grow out of Phil's control once more.

[percontaion-points]

The King’s Men chapter 5

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 5

Classes on January 12th were a complete waste of the Foxes' time. Neil's lessons were early enough in the day that he made it to both of them, but he didn't learn a single thing. His teachers' voices were white noise; the words they wrote on the board morphed to diagrams of plays.

I'm not saying that we're not all entitled to have an off day every now and then.

What I'm saying is that, considering that “SPORTS!!!!” is the sole theme of this series... this is why schools implement the “no pass, no play” rule for athletes.

The four CAUTION signs set up in the lobby were overkill, but Neil still skidded a little on the wet floor. He caught the wall for balance and waved his wallet over the sensor near the elevator. His student ID was strong enough to trigger the lock through the leather. When the buttons lit up Neil pressed the Up arrow and got on the first car that arrived. There was standing water on the elevator floor, so he held tight to the rail until he reached the third floor. The carpeted hallway was stained from wet footprints. Neil added to the mess as he slogged for his room.

Why the fuck did we have an entire paragraph of the wet floor and Neil riding an elevator?

I would ask where the editor was, but I think we all know that there was none.

"Your father. What was his name?"

[…]

"Nathan," he said at last. "His name was Nathan."

"You don't look like a Nathan."

"I'm not," Neil said through the stones in his throat. "I'm Nathaniel."

Talk about shitty, self-absorbed names.

"No one needs to eat this before a game," Kevin said. "Eat some granola or protein if you're that hungry."

I think that it's beyond hypocritical that Kevin suddenly gives a shit what they're putting into their bodies. Especially because Kevin himself is going with them every weekend to get drunk and do illegal street drugs.

But you know... chocolate! It's so bad for you!!!!

Neil had never dealt with baggage claim before, as he and his mother tossed out whatever wouldn't fit in a carry-on. It was an eye-opening and unpleasant experience. The same suitcases went around the conveyer belt so many times Neil started thinking the team's gear had been lost. The Foxes looked bored, not worried, so he kept that bit of panic to himself. He was rewarded a few minutes later when Allison's bag finally dropped down a chute and onto the belt. The rest of the bags weren't far behind hers.

Why the fuck is this chapter 12 goddamned pages? Probably because it's so full of goddamned garbage like this and the elevator scene from earlier.

Renee told Neil last fall that Ravens weren't allowed to date. Tetsuji didn't want his team distracted from the game.

Right. Let me know how controlling human sexuality works out for you.

He wrote his name on the tile walls with his fingertips, over and over and over until his hand went numb.

Chapter 5 summary: It's time for the big game! Yeah! They're flying out to Texas! But first... Neil walks through the rain! Neil rides an elevator! Neil takes a nap! Allison is randomly mentioned to be soaked, because her umbrella broke! Matt randomly tells Neil that the others bet on if he and Dan would hook up! And now there's another bet that Renee and Andrew would hook up! Neil only just thinks about how he and Renee are apparently the only ones who know about Andrew being gay. As they're moving around to get going, Andrew asks what Neil's father's name was: Nathan. They have a layover in Atlanta, where... somebody almost gets into a physical fight with Kevin, because Kevin refuses to let him eat chocolate.  THIS IS ALL THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT, PLOT-RELEVANT INFO, I 100% PROMISE YOU. /sarcasm

They get to Texas, where they eat dinner before heading on to the stadium. The UT school colors are the same, although the UT team is wearing white with orange, and the foxes are wearing orange with white, but it's still hella confusing, and Neil hopes nobody gets mixed up during the game. David gives them the last-minute pep-talk/run down of how they should play this game. As usual, I'm mostly skimming this, and any editor would have told the author to cut all of this. As they go out onto the court, Riko is randomly there to watch the game. For some reason, literally on the court. Renee goes to talk to him after the game, and everybody randomly thinks that she's interested in Riko sexually/romantically.

As they're leaving, a bunch of reporters ask Neil about if it's true that he has a Raven's tattoo on his cheek. He decides to face it head on, rips the bandage off his cheek, and tells them that Riko is a whiny little piss-baby who is so caught up with his own over-inflated ego that he underestimates everybody around him. That Neil hated the two weeks he spent with the Ravens to the point where he'd rather die than to spend four more years with those assholes.

In the locker room, Kevin calls Neil out on his shit with the reporters, saying that he's putting an even bigger target on everybody's back. Neil calls Kevin out on his shit, and tells him to stop letting Riko rule his life.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x08 - Seventeen Candles

It took me longer than intended (again) but here’s the recap for this episode, which is another of my all time faves. 

Once again posting under a break because this got way too long. 

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

The start of this episode is hilarious. There’s being melodramatic, and then there’s Blair Waldorf, guess that’s what happens when one surrenders their virtue to a self absorbed ass. 

Seriously the way she describes the whole thing to the priest is so funny. Also 20 minutes? wow girl. Thank god he’s a total pig who will act as if it never happened... yeah

Vanessa? Serena. To be honest I wouldn’t put it past him

One wants to be open minded and be kinder and objective with characters I hated the first time around, but God Vanessa is so annoying

Blair coming out of the church, exchanging her little facinator for those glasses, “one week of danger” playing in the background is just one of those scenes that really got stuck in my mind, girl’s killing it

“Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?” this is so one of my fave scenes of them, it sets the mood so much. 

Nate’s parents are so patronizing 

Remember when mp3 players were a thing?... somethings never change though, like parents having to deal with teens isolating themselves via earphones.

I still don’t like the Vanderbilt Ring, also llike “im not asking you to get engaged son, but please give your girlfriend this engament ring” and the way Anne say’s it, Nate’s mom is such a pro at emotional blackmail.

Blair jumping around in her room, thanking God because her boyfriend bought the diamond necklace, aww. Also this is so relatable, the jumping around obviously, not the diamonds.

I sort of have a soft spot for Chuck standing akwardly behind the door not knowing how to deal with his best friend..,this is such a disaster waiting to happen and I’m loving it

Smooth Chuc, hiding the little gift back before Nate notices it (gotta confess I didn’t notice he did this the first time around, oh the pleasures of a rewatch)

Typical, your best friend that never pays attention for once is catching up on the little facts, like you shouldn’t know he broke up with his girlfriend

Though... If the town car was waiting for Nate to take him to Victrola, and it’s Blair the one that ends up using, shouldn’t have Nate realized that Blair and Chuck saw each other last ninght

The good old days when Chuck cared only about three things “Money, the pleasures money gave him, and Nate”, and even then when he’s saying it, is already kind of a lie.

He may have his own agenda, but yeah regardless Nate did needed to put a stop with his parents 

She’s been in like three episodes and she already has invated herself to like two UES parties already, wow Vanessa.

“you wish, no you wish” and then the butterflies!!!!! This is a scene that admitedly I’ve seen more than once already and I love it every time. Chuck’s a delight here.

The real first of one of those shared moments of Jenny and Nate... the fist tase I would said.

“Blair about Vanessa being like This is such a problem” you don’t know the half of it.

That little wage was so pointless, as if Chuck would have left Blair alone.

Watching them play guitar hero is making me so nostalgic.

“You didn’t tell her?” she may say it wiht a smile and innocent eyes, but no Vanessa, I don’t buy it, and it was bitchy.

You get grosser by the minute, and you get older” :’) also, that’s a really pretty cake.

Happy Birthday B! What a bitch

Nate finally growing some spine and putting a stop to his parents manipulations.

Seriously how pretty is that necklace. Also I’ve never really thought it but Blair probably wore that dress (which I love) and her hair up because her previous call to the jeweler.

Serena’s face in the end is prceless is just like “oh god no, what a mess”

I missed Lily

Honestly 1x07&1x08 are some of my favorite episodes in the whole series. And this rewatch hasn’t changed that. While 1x07 is in some ways the turning point of the show, this is the first episode that Chuck and Blair are one of the main plots, and since the start it doesn’t dissapoints.

One of the things I love about this episode is how teenage-ry it feels. The focus of the episode is typical teenage drama: break ups, hook ups, a bit of jelousy between the girlfriend and the best friend. Made me a tad nostalgic, and much more interested in the storylines involving the young cast. In part because I honestly don’t care about the Humphrey family drama, and by this point is obvious how shitty Nate’s parents are. Also there was no rufly which I’ve enjoyed a lot the past few episodes.

So, this episode is the one where the little animosity between Serena and Vanessa comes to an end, and it just shows that in the end Serena is very understanding and also really friendly, I do like that it never actually evolves into a catfight, seriously is a shame to see girls fight for a guy, worse if the guy is Dan Humphrey. There was also Nate and Jenny, which I enjoyed because this was the first real tease of what could be between them... it’s also the moment where Nate finally decides that the best for him and Blait is to break up, so far my main issue with Nate is that he lacked the nerve to really do what he needed to do, from breaking up with Blair to standing up to his parents, he does both this episode. Finally

Obviously Chuck and Blair were my favorite part or the episode. Lowkey is a very telling episode about how they see each other, and their eventual dynamic.

One side there’s Blair. Beyond how hilarious it is to see her confessing at church after sleeping with Chuck Bass, one line in her tirade is quite interesting: “he’s a pig who will act like it never happened”. If one thinks about what we been showed of Chuck so far this is in many ways a very logical conclussion. To Blair’s surprise he does no such thing: he seeks her out for breakfest and it’s clearly no interested in pretending it never happened, he’s actually embracing it, Blair wants to go back to how things were before; the only life she knows

Sure last night she realized that her relationship with Nate had reached it’s end, and that there was much relief in that because in many ways her failing relationship with Nate was a constant reminder of all her insecurities, and that relief led her to just be and do whatever, and what she did well that wasn’t on the plan at all. “No one of my friends would understand” and I guess in a way she doesn’t understand her impulses either, and Blair doesn’t deal well with change, and so she goes into denial mode, and that means gaining her boyfriend back.

And so the episode goes and we see her on and on trying to grasp to her Nate once more, and Chuck is constantly there telling her basically two things: 1) let’s do it again because what happened yesterday won’t leave my mind, and that’s weird and 2) accept reality, in this case you and Nate are done. She stubornly holds to her ideas until everything crashes around her, and once it does Chuck’s still there, and she finally sees him, listens and gives in. And just like the song last episode in retrospective is almost a preview of how their relationship is going to play out, their behavior this episode is also a preview of what ends up being a predominant dynamic their whole relationship, the details and circunstances are going to vary, but Blair’s going to hold with eveything she has to what she believes her life should be, the script she wants that it’s probably best without Chuck and him trying to prove her wrong and that best option is them.

Whereas Blair’s actions are consisten to what we know of her so far, Chuck’s actions doesn’t. So far he’s been a giant asshole to all the female population, a self absorbed womanizer who once he got wanted is like “thank u, next”. Sure he and Blair are close friends but still, to him sex is just sex and she knows how he is, that’s why he asked her if she was sure. That’s what we know and what we could have expected of him. Instead he seeks her out, and when he rejects him, he still doesn’t hesitate her and he goes out a buy hers the gift she’s expecting from her boyfriend. Who happens to be his best friend

From the episode where Nate gets tricked by Carter we learned how loyal Chuck is to Nate and that their friendship is really important to him. And yet he doesn’t hesite to try to stir him far far away from Blair, sure the advices he gives him is good for Nate but he says more in the vain of keeping Blair single rather than in Nate’s best interest. Chuck schemes,we know but up until now it was hard to picture him scheming against him.

The more interesting bit for me is however the first scene between him and Blair at the balcony; not only because it points to the fact that these characters are equals “you forget who you’re talking to, so do you” but mainly because of the answer he gives when Blair ask him if he likes her, he doesn’t denies it he even admits to having butterfies and sure he claims he is ashamed and suprised by it even bactracks a little but it’s a very quick admission anyway, and it makes me wonder the why of it. Why is he so eager to explore this? It’s not his style and if he wanted only sex he knows he could achieved that easily some where else

It’s obvious they had chemistry between them, and that in itself may be a good reason, but to me it’s probably because on some subconcious level he liked her even before this. It’s not that I picture him pining for her in the background for her waiting sadly for the day she dumped Nate, more like he was lowkey always fascinated by her, on the earlier episodes there is more than one shot of him in the background watching her closesly, with a knowing smirk and amused by whatever she did.

So there’s this girl he finds interesting, extremely atractive, and also a close friend that he gets along really well to the point of being the one he takes to see his first business venture, and know she’s unattached and he also enjoyed quite a lot having sex with her, and for the first time he really stops to think about it and it’s quite obvious there was something there, fluttering, he’s just noticing it now because he can.

That scene where he gaves her the necklace he has being somewhat in smarmy mode before but when he see she’s hurt he tries to make her happy and as honest as he can be, last episode when it was just a dare between friends he tells her she’s ten times hotter than the dances, this episode he says “something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of it’s beauty” the diference in sentiment is amazing because now there’s feeling behind it, and it’s such an honest and tender moment, this is the moment when the posibilty of Chuck and Blair finally takes root in both their minds (also that shoulder kiss is one of my favorite details ever through the show)

For the longest time I didn’t believe he felt something for her pre limo, but the more I think about it especially the way things happen later, for him to be that into her since the first moment and how it hit him when things went wrong it had to be because it was something he had felt in some way for a time, he’s not surprised because he felt something for the first time, I think he’s surprised by how much and because he quite can’t believe it’s a possibilty, this something he never dared to really think about.

Random bits:

Silas was the creepy monk in the Da Vinci Code right?

They actually used the demo version of “one week of danger” in this episode, I’ve heard the actual finished one, but I’m ruined and prefer the demo one.

Search TM, because we can’t use google’s name

Falling like Britney at the VMA’s, it’s hard to think that was so long ago.

I love Serena’s dress, chic and comfy. 

[gra-sonas]

Before the Coronavirus, an ongoing quarantine, and the recent economic fallout became front-page news, and a daily worry at the forefront of everyone’s mind, one of the biggest topics causing debate was women’s health, and more specifically the right to have an abortion. The word abortion is seldom ever heard on television, especially not on a major network, and especially not on popular TV. Still, the CW’s Roswell, New Mexico not only says the word, but they also show the main character make the decision and go through with it without regret, and with the support of her family and friends.

Roswell, New Mexico is that type of show. They treat significant subjects like race relations, xenophobia, women’s rights, and sexuality with intelligence and courage in a time when all of those topics are under fire from the highest power in the government. The fact that they do it under the backdrop of a story about literal aliens is just a bonus. On a show with so many deeply complex characters, there is one character whose story has had a significant impact on an entire community. That is the proudly bisexual alien cowboy Michael Guerin, played with nuance and depth by Michael Vlamis.

When it comes to the character of Michael Guerin, it would be so easy to get it wrong. Play him too cavalierly, he would come across as insufferable, too much melodrama, and he would come across as false. But although Michael Vlamis is pretty far from Guerin (they are two different species after all), it’s his willingness to find solidarity, and absorb this character to his very core that allows Guerin to come alive.

The heartbreak permeating Guerin’s story this season just happened to coincide with one painful experience of Michael’s own, and he wasn’t afraid to use that in his character. That’s what makes this performance so unique. As Michael said when chatting with me over the phone while we were both quarantined in our homes, “He has cracks in his armor, and I have always been someone who has cracks in my armor too. I just have to take those cracks and let them show.”

Michael is a surprisingly complex character. When you first see him in the first season, he has this kind of sexy outlaw thing going on, where he’s focused on only looking out for number one. But as the season progresses, he’s sort of stripped of all of his armor. Now in season 2, he’s in a more vulnerable position than ever. Did you know where this character was going to go when you first got it or were you just as surprised as the viewers were? I had no idea, and that was the most fun. I’m the type of actor who enjoys not talking about where my character is going with the writers. I trust the writers, and I know there will be growth, but there is something interesting about reading a script and acting out a scene from just what you already know has happened. Once you know what happens in the future, It’s hard not to play that. It comes across as more believable if you don’t know, and it’s fun to surprise yourself every week and surprise yourself in the moment. Plus, often, when you have that surprising moment, it can sometimes influence where the writers decide to bring the character.

I think a lot of the flashback in Season 1 Episode 6, and how interesting it was to know that Guerin wasn’t always this armored person. He was excited and living for love and planning on going off to college. When we did that episode, the writers did have to communicate what they wanted and tell me to play this character way differently than I had been. It’s been an exciting transition for him, he went from no armor to armor, to no armor and now in Season 2 he’s back in prison and fighting and he’s got the armor back on again.

It’s interesting because, in a way, the relationship drama that Michael is dealing with in season 2 seems like it shouldn’t be as relevant as a lot of the other plot points going on. Still, I think that the way that Michael is portrayed as an openly bisexual character is so unique on television these days, even though it shouldn’t be. It also allows the viewers to see a lot of his vulnerability. Did you feel a responsibility in portraying this aspect of Michael? Yes. When I got into it, I didn’t know a lot about the bi community. I knew about heartbreak and love and loss. In the pilot, I was coming out of heartbreak and channeling that. I just thought of Alex Manes as someone I was in love with and honoring what a strongly committed love that is. I brought that in, and when we did it that way, that was when the LGBT community started reaching out and saying how much I was affecting them with my work. They would dm me and say that my relationship with Alex gave them the confidence to come out. I didn’t realize that responsibility until we started affecting people. I think Tyler Blackburn (who plays Alex Manes) being bi, he knew more of what was going to happen. I hadn’t been on tv before or portrayed anyone who wasn’t straight, so I wasn’t expecting this. Now I know how important it is to continue to take this seriously, and that motivates me.

Tyler is so empathetic, and he has such empathetic eyes, everything I do is just playing off him, the strength of the characters comes from the relationship between the two of us. Without him, I don’t know where I would be. I don’t know if these characters would be as compelling without him.

Roswell is a really special show in the way that it weaves these real-world conflicts of xenophobia and the fear of otherness into a fantastic story about aliens living on earth. Your character represents so many of the difficulties inherent in being someone different. Can you talk about where the show is taking these sorts of conflicts this season, and maybe where they might affect the direction of your character? I think the way they’re taking the show is with the idea that even though we are different, we are also human. Our morals and what we believe in and how we affect others and how we want to be loved is special. Even though we are from another planet, we have the same values. We are so vilified in the flashbacks with the military but, none of the aliens wanted to hurt anyone until they had to defend themselves. What’s important with our show is that we are all one, no matter what your origin is. We can continue to grow to adapt and be better. We shouldn’t be vilified for what someone distantly related to us did.

We are the outcasts, but because of our skin color, no one questions us. Now all of a sudden we are the bad guys because people have found out about this big secret. The most vilified characters are the Ortechas, somewhat because of what happened with Rosa, but also because of race. The racial tension has protected the white people in the community who are also the people that the military is trying to hunt.

What are the ways that you relate to this character? Do you ever take anything from your life and put it into the role? On the same note, does his story ever bleed into yours? That’s all I do in my work. It gets me in trouble, especially now that people are reading my writing. People will be like, “you stole what I said to you.” If it wasn’t said, it wouldn’t matter enough to be shared. The truth is so important. I always find ways to pull from my life. Unlike Michael, I come from a great family. I come from a family who loved me and supported me. My dad was always leaving work early and coming to my games, but he was hard on me, and I felt like perfection was something I was always trying to achieve. As I get older, I realize perfection doesn’t exist. Achieving greatness through your values and being the best you can be, is what matters. When I was a kid, I was overweight, and for a while, I was always getting hurt and going through all these surgeries. Adversity would arise in my life, and then I would have to learn how to deal with it.

With Michael, he feels like things are working so well with Maria, but then Maria finds out he’s an alien, and he’s pushed aside. All of those ebbs and flows of what life throws at you go into the show. I was the fat kid in school, and now I am on the CW, but I remember what it was to be 12 in love, and no one sees you. All of those moments pushed me to be funny as a kid, as a defense mechanism. That’s in me, no matter who the character is, the cracks in the armor are there. I put that into Michael.

One specific thing this year in the show is that I lose Max. in the offseason, I lost a childhood friend while I was with him in person. It was this horrible experience, and it was so weird, and I was sitting there trying to make sense of things, but what made sense was that this guy supported me so much. So I took the feeling of loss and put that into what Guerin feels when Max is gone. In tonight’s episode, I channeled my buddy and made it real. I was haunted this season and maybe even a little too hard on myself, but I wanted to honor my friend. That is a tragic way I incorporate real life into my work. But I’m tipping my hat to my friend. Hopefully, he’s watching and proud.

So, apart from your work as an actor, you are also a producer and a writer. Are you working on anything right now? Does having that diversity of experience make acting easier and vice versa? Definitely. You understand a set, and if I’m producing my own film, I know what goes into that, and if I’m writing for a kid character, I know that they need chaperones and tutors. Being on set shaped me as a writer and producer. Last year, I wrote a film with Kyle [Anderson] about the late rapper Mac Miller called Blue Side Park, And it made the 2019 blacklist of best un-produced scripts. Once that happened, it opened the door for me to do more work. I have a script at McFarlane’s company and another tv show, where Dan Lagana is the showrunner. Having these projects moving has been keeping me busy. We’re getting close. Now I’m writing my next movie, which was initially going to be a thriller, but during the quarantine, it’s been hard to write this dark story, so we (my writing partner and I) made it into a comedy. I produced my first film last year that won the best ensemble cast at the LA indie film fest, called 5 Years Apart. My roommate co-wrote and directed that, and we’re getting distribution. I’m staying busy.

~ Euphoria

[venmomejoy]

The Lucky Ones- pt. 3

ugh writing is so hard sometimes why do i do it

hope you guys are liking the fic so far! feel free to drop any comments, i love hearing from you all :)

part one / part two / part four

read it on AO3 here !!

The studio was huge.

Neil expected it to be big, but this was incomprehensible. It would take him days to map this place out. It made Neil nervous; his mother always took care to keep them away from large buildings- there are too many places for someone to hide in a big space, too many nooks and crannies he might not know about where someone could lurk. Smaller places were far easier, where you could check the entire space for attackers in a matter of minutes, where no one can sneak up on you, or catch you by surprise. He tried to absorb as much of the layout as possible, retracing every turn they've taken until the building starts to take form in his head, vague and nondescript as it may be.

Neil couldn't figure out how to hold onto his bag without raising any more suspicion than he already had in the car, so when Dan showed him to his trailer, he took care to hide it in the safest place he could find. Given, that was the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink, so Neil didn't exactly feel secure in his location of choice. He made sure to lock the door on his way out, but the thin metal sticks in his bag reminded him that locks can easily be picked. He was reluctant to leave when Dan beckoned him on, deciding they had spent time enough on the trailer and that they needed to move on if they wanted to see the whole studio before midnight, but he relented before anyone could notice his hesitance. Throughout the whole tour, every set and editing room and lounge, Neil felt the faint thrum of anxiety never leaving his skin, even as he focused on all the new information he was receiving.

The tour took more than a few hours, Dan and Matt talking extensively on every area they stopped at. Seth and Allison hadn't acknowledged Neil much, besides the casual glares Seth threw at him, too wrapped up in each other. Renee had the occasional soft-spoken comment, but for the most part left the talking to Dan and Matt. Neil appreciated all of the tips, a mix of things he already knew and things he made sure to store for when they began filming, but the influx of information was a little overwhelming. Throughout it all, a thought kept pressing his way to the front of his mind- his mother would be so disappointed in him.

Not just disappointed. No, she would be livid. She dedicated her entire life to keeping him safe, and he had thrown it all away. In all their years on the run, she had always put his safety first, had always made the hard decisions to keep him protected. Even when she was fatally shot, she kept pushing for his sake, not even letting on how grave her injury was until they had gotten to safety. But by then, it was too late. And all of the promises he had made her as she took her last breaths, all of the promises he had made to himself as he threw a match in the old car and watched it burn into ashes, taking her body with it, were destroyed. She had given up her life to keep him safe, and he answered her sacrifice with disrespect, practically spurning the freedom she fought so hard to give him.

Neil could feel his throat closing in. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he panted, willing his hands to stop shaking. Neil quickly excused himself as he rushed to the restroom, but not before he saw the concerned faces of his castmates. He would have to deal with their prying questions later, but right now all he could think about was his mother, how she would hate him, how he couldn't breath-

Neil braced his knees on either side of the toilet as soon as the stall closed behind him, the restroom blissfully empty. His stomach heaved, but he couldn't throw up food he never ate, so Neil sat and heaved and gasped until his heart stopped racing, until his breathing became even again. He didn't have time to panic. Panic left you vulnerable, and wasted precious minutes. So he pulled himself up and rinsed his mouth out in the sink, even though no bile had come up, expertly avoiding his reflection in the mirror.

When he left the bathroom he walked straight into his castmates, almost bumping directly into Matt's chest. It looked as if he had interrupted their deliberation session on whether to come in and check on him. He's glad they didn't. He doesn't need his new coworkers to see him like that after knowing him for one day. Neil pulls on his calm and collected face, though he's sure the remnants of his breakdown are still visible. Let them come to their own conclusion about what went on in there.

"Neil, are you okay, man?" Matt asked, the concern on his face mirrored by all the others, excluding Seth. But it wasn't just concern- there was pity there too. Neil didn't know how much Wymack had shared with them of the little he knew himself, but if his backstory was set in context to this, he was making a sorry first impression.

"I'm fine. Sorry for stopping up the tour." Whether they believe him or not, he can't tell, but his hard face leaves no room for inquiry.

"Don't apologize, Neil," Renee says. Neil's stomach turns at her saccharine tone.

"This was the last stop anyways. We can head home now, if you're ready," Dan notes, a look of understanding on her face. He almost laughs. There's no possible way she could understand.

"Sure, I just need to get my stuff from my trailer."

The group goes back the way they came, with significantly less talking this time, and the others wait patiently while Neil retrieves his bag, his trailer mercifully untouched.

The trip to the parking lot was filled with excited chatter, his castmates telling him about how excited they were for their character's plot this season, which couples they thought would make it to the end of the season and which would hit the chopping block, old scandals amongst the crew. Neil tried to contribute when he could, but the conversation seemed to go largely over his head, so he was content just to listen.

Matt addressed him after a while. "So, Neil, you've met the Monsters?" When Neil tilted his head in confusion at the name, he clarified. "Andrew, Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron. We call their group the Monsters, because those four are tyrants."

"Oh." After years of running from people who want him dead, Neil thought he had a pretty good radar for people that are threatening. He could understand the name for the twins, but Nicky didn't seem the aggressive type at all, and Kevin while seemed like a hardass, but he would probably roll over at the first sign of real conflict. "Yeah, I talked to them a little. Kevin and Andrew came with Wymack to pick me up, and I spoke with Nicky and Aaron for a few minutes right before I met you guys."

It was Allison who spoke up this time, the first real thing she'd said to Neil all day. "What a way to start your first job. You're scrappy-looking, but I'm still surprised that group didn't run you straight out the door."

Matt was inclined to agree. "Yeah, if I'd met Andrew on my first day, I never would have started acting. I have a good amount of experience and he still makes me question my career choice every day."

"Kevin, too," Dan says. "He's not as outwardly aggressive as Andrew, but with how hard he pushes us? I don't think I would have lasted a day if it was my first."

Renee glanced back over at him. "They're not that bad, Neil, don't let them scare you."

He was tempted to ask her if he looked scared to her. Andrew didn't frighten him, definitely not as much as he probably should. He knew Andrew's medication made him a little crazy, if not borderline psychotic. Andrew's medication was court-mandated, a sentence that, coupled with extensive therapy, allowed him to avoid jail time after he had almost beat four men to death when he caught them attacking Nicky. Neil knew Andrew probably had no qualms about hurting him, but he had far larger threats to worry about, and he had always had a hard time reconciling threat level with age. Even if he knew a younger man was dangerous, he didn't feel very frightened because he had been so conditioned to fear older men, like his father. In the same way, even obviously harmless middle-aged men put Neil's every muscle on edge.

They reconvened with Andrew's group as they made their way to the row of cars. "So, what did you think of our humble abode?" Nicky asks.

"It's huge."

"Yeah, it's easy to get lost in there for the first couple of weeks, but eventually you'll know this place like the back of your hand. We spend too much time here not to."

Neil looks back over at the building, wondering how long it would take for him to feel comfortable here. He was inclined to believe he never would. Glancing back, Neil catches Andrew's heavy gaze. Gone was the sarcastic humor and thinly veiled contempt, replaced with... nothing. Andrew wasn't glaring at Neil, but the look definitely wasn't friendly; he was just staring. Andrew's face was empty, void of any emotion at all. He must be coming down.

Without a word, Andrew turns and pulls himself into the driver's seat of an expensive black car. Turning towards the group, Neil asks, "Are we going to the cast house?"

"Yeah, it's only about a ten minute drive from here. Perfect for when your dead-tired leaving set at 4 am." Matt says. "You came with Wymack?"

"Yeah. Does he stay there too?"

They all chuckle a little. "God, no," Matt says. "He'd kill us if he had to spend that much time with us. He has his own place, but it's pretty close by."

"Oh, okay." That lifted a weight off of Neil's shoulders. He would never be able to relax if he was under the same roof as Wymack.

A honk draws their attention back to Andrew, the rest of the monsters going to join him in the car. When Neil just looks at Andrew through the windshield, he cocks an eyebrow at him silent demand. Neil knew better than to protest. "I guess I'll see you guys in a few?"

Matt and Dan both sent him disapproving looks. "Are you sure? There's space in Matt's truck," Dan says, sending a searching look towards the Andrew's car, as if she were trying to figure out why they were interested in Neil. He wouldn't mind knowing himself.  

"I already told them I'd go with them. It'll be fine."

Matt shrugged. "Whatever you say, man. But that group is psycho. If they go too far, just let me know. I have no problem with kicking Kevin's ass if you need me to." He smiles warmly at him.

Neil shoots him a puzzled stare. Matt just met him, why would he be offering to stand up for him? He has no attachment to Neil. "I'll be fine. I can take care of myself."

Matt looks unconvinced. "Okay, well, the offer still stands as long as you're here, alright?"

"Okay." Neil inclines his head at the two before stalking over to Andrew's car, sliding into the backseat next to Aaron and Nicky. Andrew peels out of the lot before Neil can even buckle his seatbelt.

Kevin and Nicky fill the short car ride with idle conversation, asking Neil about what he saw in the tour and what he thought of the sets. Nicky shares all kinds of stories from when they shot the earlier seasons when Kevin begins speaking in rapid French to someone over the phone. Neil was competent in French, but not fluent, and Kevin was speaking too fast for Neil to understand anything, so he focused on what Nicky was saying instead. Neil didn't mind Nicky dominating the conversation; he didn't have much to say anyway, and he was feeling tired after spending so many hours wandering around the studio

As Andrew swung the car into the driveway, Neil admired the house from the his window. It was huge, at least three stories, with sweeping windows and a spacious lawn; the porch alone was the size of some of Neil's old homes. The blend of brick and stone made the house feel classy and elegant. Neil's gawking was cut off as Andrew drove into the garage. Nicky practically pulled him out of the car, insisting on giving him a tour of the place. The door from the garage opens into a small hallway, with a break that leads to a laundry room before opening up into the kitchen. Kevin and Aaron follow them, but Andrew disappeared somewhere along the way. "Where did Andrew go?"

"He went to dose up," Kevin answers. "If he didn't take his medication soon, he'd be bent over a toilet somewhere."

"He'll be up in the clouds when he comes back," Nicky says, a little sadly. "That's the cycle: mania and apathy."

Neil didn't know what to say, so he turned back towards the kitchen, running his fingers along the marble countertops. Nicky's phone pinged, and he glanced at it before addressing them. "Matt says their going to pick up dinner. Chinese okay with you, Neil?"

He nods, and Nicky quickly types his response before pulling a smile on again, resuming Neil's tour. The inside of the house was as luxurious as the outside, fit with plush carpet and expensive-looking paintings. The lower level seems to have an open floor plan, the living and dining rooms visible from the kitchen. A large flatscreen TV sat across from a red couch that could easily seat five people. Two armchairs bracketed the couch, a plethora of throw pillows adorning all three. The extravagance made Neil uneasy; this much money just poured into fanciful items... he couldn't fathom it. There had never been time for him to buy anything for himself. They had limited resources, his mother always reminded him. They could not afford to buy things they didn't absolutely need.

"There are two bedrooms on the bottom floor. This one's Kevin's," Nicky said, pointing between two closed doors, "and the other is shared by Renee and Allison."

"Allison doesn't stay with Seth?"

"It's like Matt said earlier, those two are really on-again, off-again. When they fight, they can't even stand to look at each other, let alone sleep next to each other. They argue so often we thought it'd be easiest to just give them separate rooms, so Allison stays with Renee when she's on the rocks with Seth, and when they're doing well, she stays with him."

Neil's head already hurt trying to understand their dynamic. "Sounds complicated."

"Just wait until you see it for yourself. Their screaming matches are legendary." Nicky chuckles.

The four of them go up the first flight of stairs, which opens into a large sitting room, two twin hallways branching from it. Down one is Nicky and Aaron's shared room, and down the other is Seth's, as well as Dan and Matt's room. Fans of The Foxes loved Dan and Matt's relationship. The two met on set during season one, Matt playing Dan's love interest, and their romance quickly evolved off-screen.

"We tried to put the two couples as far away from the rest of us as possible," Nicky informs him.

"Not far enough," Aaron grumbles. "I don't know how it's possible for Allison and Seth to be that fucking loud."

"Oh, come on, Aaron, no tolerance for young love? I'm sure Neil knows how to make a girl scream," Nicky jokes, nudging Neil's shoulder.

Neil froze. "What?" There's no way they know who his father is, now way they meant it like that-

"Unless you swing, like me, which is totally cool. Makes my job easier, anyhow." Nicky winks at him.

Aaron groans. "Jesus, Nicky, can you not be a fucking creep for one second?"

"Hey, I didn't do anything! I'm just saying that if Neil was interested-"

"He just got here, and you have a boyfriend."

"You know Erik doesn't mind-"

This conversation was giving Neil a headache. "I don't swing."

"Damnit, you like girls?"

"I don't like anything. Can we keep moving?"

They grudgingly obliged. The layout of the third floor was pretty similar to that of the second, a large lounge opening into two hallways. One held Andrew's room, the other his. Nicky led him down Andrew's hallway, showing him to space, the door firmly closed. But as they turned to move towards his room, the door swung open, a doped-up Andrew standing on the threshold.

"Oh, joy, my favorite people coming to pay me a visit! Sorry, but I'm not in the mood. Do stop by another time!" Andrew grins.

"Sorry, Andrew, I was just showing Neil around. We're heading to his room next."

"Lucky for you, I know exactly where that is! If I cared more, perhaps I'd take you there. Unfortunately, I don't." Andrew threw his head back in laughter, pushing past them as he bounds downstairs. One look at the others' face and Neil can tell this behavior is commonplace.

Neil follows Nicky into the opposite hallway, Kevin keeping pace with them while Aaron hangs behind. Kevin had been abnormally quiet during this tour; Neil felt like he was gauging his reaction to everything, trying to feel him out. He refused to balk under his scrutiny.

Nicky paused dramatically with his hand on the doorknob, as if bracing them all for a great reveal, which was just a bedroom. Admittedly, it was easily the nicest bedroom he'd ever laid eyes on, but he imagined the others were used to the luxury by now.

Neil's eyes widened as he took in the huge space, the deep wood of the four-poster bed, the dresser that was far too large for the eight outfits he owned. A door opened to an en suite bathroom with a walk-in shower. It was the nicest place Neil had stayed in his entire life.

"It's good that you are the only addition to the main cast this season, since this was the last free bedroom we have. If there were any others, they'd have to stay in the pool house." Nicky joked. A quick peek from his window confirmed that, yes, there was a pool, clear blue water glinting in the setting sun. It was large, surrounded by lounge chairs and what looked to be a volleyball pit off the side.

"How do you guys afford this place?" He had been concerned about wasting his resources on housing before, but this was worse than he imagined. The house had to be millions of dollars, especially considering Los Angeles's real estate prices. He could not afford to spend this much money, since he still had a lifetime on the run to finance after his stay here.

Kevin finally spoke up. "You'd be surprised how large a salary is for a core actor on a show this popular."

"How much do we all pay for rent?"

"None," Nicky laughed. "Allison is practically an heiress. She has so much money it's stupid. She bought the house back when we first started the show, and she pays for the whole place."

Neil tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why would she do that?"

"Because she has money to blow, so why not?" Nicky's smile faded a little as he took in Neil’s expression.

Kevin interrupted their conversation. "Dan and the others should be back soon. Let's head to the living room to wait for them."

They found Andrew on the couch, mindlessly surfing through channels, his focus anywhere but on the TV. When he saw them approaching, he tossed the remote unceremoniously onto the cushion next to him. "Back so soon?" Andrew gibes. "There's nothing good to watch, but it seems the universe has answered my plea for entertainment! Neil, tell me some of your deep, dark secrets."

Neil was tired of Andrew's taunting. "Leave me alone, Andrew."

"Oh, come on, Neil, don't be such a downer! Tell me, which one of your parents hits you, your mom or your dad?

"Christ, Andrew," Nicky groans.

"Could be both, I suppose," Andrew surmised. Neil simply fixed him with a glare, but Andrew was unfazed. "Your old director mentioned that you liked to wait until everyone left the theater to change out of your costume, said that a lot of times he gave you the keys and let you lock up. He thought you might be sleeping there. I'll admit, the duffel bag does add to his case, but why would you need to hide your body unless someone was hurting you? And I saw you leave that night, so you obviously had somewhere to go. So who is it?”

Neil gritted his teeth. He didn't need Andrew paying this much attention to him. "Stop trying to solve me."

"You can try to keep your secrets, Neil, but I'll figure you out soon."

"I'm not a toy."

"Oh, but you are," he smiled. "I've been needing something new to amuse myself with, though I doubt you'll last long."

"I mean it, Andrew. Don't mess with me."

"Ooh, the scary face!" Andrew laughs. "Yours gives Kevin a run for his money."

The doorbell saves Neil from answering. "I'll get it," he grumbles, eyes still boring into Andrew's. He strides towards the doorway to let the others in, a few of them presumably bringing the food in while Matt parks, but the cousins start talking before Neil is out of earshot, making every bone in his body seize. It isn't the words that alarm him; no, it's the language. Because Nicky was currently speaking in German.

Neil didn't know how they could know he spoke German. His mother had taken them across the world in an effort to confuse his father enough to lose their trail. Neil spent years living in German-speaking countries, namely Switzerland, Austria, and Germany itself, and as such, became fluent in German. Neil felt frozen to the spot, his every instinct telling him to get out of there, that they know,but as he listens to what Nicky is saying, it becomes apparent that they are not addressing him at all.  

"What did you and Kevin say to him before he got here? When I showed him his room there was pure panic on his face. I thought he was going to make a run for it."

Andrew only shrugged. Aaron spoke instead. "Yeah, did you see his face when he finished touring the studio? He was practically green," he scoffed. "He's not going to last a week here."

They had no idea he understood them. Neil loosed a breath of relief, resuming his journey to the door. The whole encounter hadn't lasted more than thirty seconds, but it felt like thirty years to Neil. The adrenaline was still pumping through his veins. If they didn't know he understood German, he wasn't going to tell them. He needed every advantage he could find, and if they thought they could have private conversations right under everyone's noses, Neil would play along.

He swung the door open, ushering Dan and Seth in, their arms full of bags of food. Everyone made their way into the kitchen as they dumped the food down on the table, Matt hanging the keys on a small hook as they came in from the garage.

After a few moments of everyone shoving food in their mouths, Kevin addressed the group. "Neil needs to familiarize himself with the previous seasons, so starting tonight, we are all going to rewatch the past episodes together. We need to finish all of the episodes before the table read, so we're going to have to start right away,"

The proposition is met with a series of groans from the cast. They probably all have better ways to spend their limited free time before the rigorous filming schedule overtakes their lives. "You guys don't have to watch it with me, I'll be fine on my own," Neil says.

"No, we all need to review the past plot anyways," Kevin says. "You should always review what has already occurred before you start a new season to ensure you are as prepared as you can be. Not only is it possible you have forgotten little details or nuances of the characters, but being explicitly reminded of your characters' backstory, personality, and motives helps you slip back into your role after so many months. So we're all watching the show, from the beginning."

Seth shot Neil a glare, muttering something that sounded like "fucking rookies."

When all the plates had been cleared, the group settled themselves in the living room. Dan and her group settled onto the couch together, while Andrew claimed one armchair, Neil the other. Aaron and Nicky sat on the floor, their backs pressed against the coffee table. As they dimmed the lights and started up the TV, Neil found himself completely engrossed in the show. He had always loved television, had always been able to completely lose himself as he watched these characters' lives unfold. Three episodes flew by, and Neil almost wanted to protest as Kevin shut the TV off, telling them all to get some sleep. They had to be up at the studio by 10 for their session with Abby, and it was already 1 am.

Neil felt too roused to sleep, excitement from watching the show and anxiety for his meeting with Abby tomorrow keeping him alert, so he decides to go for a quick run. Slipping into his running clothes, Neil stashed his bag in the dresser and takes off down the stairs, pushing the front door open and going on his way. Neil takes this time to familiarize himself with the neighborhood, although the darkness makes it hard to discern the details. All of the houses in this neighborhood are enormous, with neatly trimmed grass and tall columns on their porches. Neil makes his way around a few blocks before turning back the way he came. He's barely sweating when he reaches the house, so he opts out of a shower, ready to collapse on his bed from fatigue. Neil had barely slept last night, and had been walking almost all day.

But when he pulled out his duffel bag to change into some sleep clothes, he stopped cold. To an untrained eye, it might have looked like nothing was amiss. But Neil knew better. Neil always folded the tags on his clothes, and as he inspected them now, every single one was flat.

Someone had been through his things.

[itsmyusualphannie]

the demons that bring us together (1/5)

Chapter 1/5: between the wars (ao3) Beta: @yourfriendlyblogstalker Artist: @candanandphilnot Warnings: none for this chapter

Summary: Dan knew he should be doing his patrols of London, especially with Valentine still on the loose, but he gets sidetracked and when he goes to a downworlder cafe, he meets Phil. The warlock isn’t like most downworlders. He is kind and caring, and weirdly enough, attracted to Dan.

Author Notes: written for @phandomreversebang! i saw this prompt on claiming and probably gave my fingers friction burn as i frantically picked it. and then it turned out the artist was none other than cal, who if anyone ever reads my tags on their fics i reblog will know, i adore. we nerded out over shadowhunters together and then i did this wholeass thing. it was loads of fun and i hope you like it as much as i loved writing it!

check out the art for this fic here!!

next chapter

~~~

Dan was on the rooftop of a Tesco when he first saw the shadow.

He had been crouched here only for a moment, pausing to catch his breath after scaling the side of the building. He hadn't needed to climb the building, but going around the building, where there a considerable amount of pedestrian traffic, threatened his discovery. He wasn't visible to regular humans of course, with the glamour rune snaking its way around his left forearm, but there was still a chance that someone could bump into him and would be rudely startled by an invisible person. In any case, Dan liked the height. It afforded him a better view of the sprawling city around him, the buildings of various sizes and shapes, and the numerous people and vehicles making their way between them. Dan didn't try to focus on any individual person or item, although it wouldn't be that hard. The delicate lines of a farsighted rune on his temple allowed him hawk-like vision, giving him the ability to distinguish even the minute details of someone's expression from half a mile away.

Even without that rune, Dan likely would have seen the shadow in the alley beside Tesco, the tendrils of dark slipping around a pair of squat dumpsters. It trailed along the concrete wall and slithered across the empty alley, sliding around the corner out of sight.

Dan was on his feet in an instant, throwing himself across the length of the rooftop after the shadow with a recklessness that would have sent him plummeting to the ground two stories below if he wasn't protected by the massive equilibrium rune permanently etched across his back, allowing him perfect balance and a near-inability to lose his footing. The other building that the shadow had slipped around was across the alley, almost ten feet away, but Dan didn't hesitate before throwing himself into the air above the alley, landing with a thump of his lightly-padded boots and rolling to absorb the impact. He was up again in an instant, feet travelling swiftly along the edge of the rooftop. He moved far faster than the shadow had been moving, but by the time he reached the corner that it had slipped around, it was gone.

Dan wouldn't let that discourage him, though. He hadn't seen anything on patrol in weeks, and he wasn't planning on letting this get away from him now. He didn't know exactly what the creature was, or what it was planning, but any second that it was out in the mortal world, people - hunters, Downworlders, and mortal humans - were all in danger.

He grabbed the edge of the roof and flipped over it in a swift motion that sent his head whirling, but only for that instant. He fell, arms outspread to maintain his balance, and he landed solidly on the ground over thirty feet below. The impact jarred up his legs, but it was absorbed almost instantly by the power of the matching stamina runes on both of his thighs. He was off again, feet pounding against the ground as he sprinted down the pavement. There were only a few people back here in this narrow alley behind the main buildings, but he avoided them swiftly, dodging around each person walking toward or away from him. Not one of them noticed him - they were all mortals, after all, and Dan's glamour rune concealed him from anyone who was mortal. It wouldn't do to be noticed either on his patrol, where he regularly climbed the occasional building and jogged through alleys and down pavements, or on this high-speed chase.

It wasn't much of a chase if he couldn't see his prey, though. Dan didn't slow, his eyes keen as his gaze darted from one side of the alley to the other, but he didn't see a hint of movement that gave away the shadow he had seen. There was little chance that it had moved much faster than he had pursued, unless it had seen him. That...that was a possibility. Dan wasn't the most subtle person, after all.

But then, he hadn't seen anything in so long, even with the London forces scattered and bedraggled, that he was eager to hunt down whatever this was. He scanned every article of trash, every toppled bin, every doorway where the shadow might be lurking. His arms pumped at his sides, but his fingers twitched to grab the twin, narrow blades strapped to his sides. Although he had a collection of throwing knives stashed in various parts of his clothes, he was much better with hand-to-hand combat. Despite not having the familiar presence of his parabatai running beside him, Dan had no doubt that he could take down this creature with ease.

If he could fucking find it, that was.

He reached the end of the alley in another dozen long strides, skidding to a stop as he hesitated between the two directions where it branched away. His gaze skipped between them, and he weighed the merits of one over the other. The one to his left seemed to lead out to the open road, packed with helpless, mortal civilians, while the right fell further between tall buildings, dark and dank with shadows. Even his sharp vision couldn't make out all of the details in that one. Dan could only hope to guess the shadow's intentions, since he wasn't quite sure what it was exactly, but...he didn't think that even a creature this vile would be stupid enough to attack mortals yet. Twilight was falling, but the sun was still an hour above the horizon.

Dan's phone buzzed in his pocket, suddenly, and he was jolted from the intensity of his thoughts. It prompted him to move, and so he glanced one last time at the more brightly lit alley to his left, then he threw himself down the one to his right. His foot skidded on something wet, but he kept moving, regaining his balance with a flail of his arm. He didn't risk answering his phone right now. He needed both hands available in case he needed to grab his weapons. He didn't stop running, but he did slow on occasion when he passed a particularly dark section of the alley, glancing over it to make sure there was no movement. He ran, and ran, and ran, and even with his stamina runes, he was a little out of breath by the time he burst from the alley and out onto another main street.

He stopped then, before he ploughed over a woman pushing a dog stroller in front of her, and glanced back behind him at the alley. There was something ominous about it, but Dan did not think that anything living or demonic was inhabiting it now. He pulled in a deep breath, furious suddenly at his loss, and tugged out the phone that had been vibrating in his pocket for some time now.

"Hello?" he answered, voice raspy from his run and its disuse on his lengthy patrol. He hadn't spoken to anyone in over ten hours.

"Dan!" said a chirpy voice on the other end. His parabatai.

"Hi, Louise," he said.

"Just calling to check up on you," she said brightly. "I felt like a...rush of adrenaline or something through our bond. Everything good?"

Dan cast one last irritated glance at the alley behind him. "Yeah, I saw something, but it got away. I'm still looking."

"Where are you?" Her cheerful tone had sobered instantly. "I'm still on my patrol, but I can head that way right now."

Dan turned back to face the main street and his gaze travelled over the buildings. He sighed, something deep and weary. His patrol bordered the edge of an area where Downworlders lived, he knew that, but he hadn't realised that this alley led right to it. "I'm downtown. Don't worry about it, I think I've lost it for good. I'm going to look around, though."

Louise snorted, almost a laugh. "Don't antagonise any vampires."

"That was one time," Dan dismissed. He glanced to his left, where a bustling marketplace intermingled both mortals and Downworlders. This area looked like it was mostly wolves, although no human would be able to tell. Dan knew from his lifelong training how to spot the differences in their gait, their speech, their mannerisms, and he could spot the loping werewolves from a mile away. Here, he didn't have to - there were dozens of them along the pavements and ducking around humans and bustling in and out of shops.

"I'll call you if I need help," Dan said into his phone, and then he hung up and slipped it back in his pocket. He wasn't particularly interested in going into the marketplace, as he doubted the creature could have made its way in there with so many wolves and their keen noses, but - he looked to his right - ah, there was a quiet, snug bakery nestled right up against the alley. A side door, one that looked like it was some sort of employee entrance, was cracked open, a sliver of light spilling across the dark shadows of the alley. Dan's gaze narrowed in on it. It was a clear invitation for anything to slip through.

Dan resisted his own temptation to slide through the door and instead went around to the front of the building. He couldn't see any mortals inside, so he didn't bother removing his glamour rune - any downworlders inside would be able to see him, anyway.

The door tinkled with a bright welcome as he pushed it open and stepped inside, and Dan had to blink at the sudden light inside that assaulted his vision. It was cosy, with a dozen round tables with chairs, a long counter with displays of pastries and breads, a range of coffee machines and devices that Dan was vaguely sure were some sort of torture instruments, and a few scattered customers. It was silent inside, that sort of dead air that made it obvious that everyone had just stopped talking as Dan entered.

The silence was broken a moment later, though, as a tall, dark-haired man stood up from where he'd evidently been crouched behind the counter. He wore a bright pink apron with ruffles over a sinfully tight blue shirt, crooked glasses, and an easy smile that he directed toward Dan.

"Hi!" he said. "Welcome to the Mage Cave."

Dan hurt inside a little at the name. It was horrible. It was evident that it was named for a reason, though, as Dan could see in the next instant as the man behind the counter waved a hand at one of the coffee machines. Sparks of blue and yellow sputtered from his hands, and the coffee machine reluctantly began spurting a steady stream of coffee into the glass container beneath it. He was a warlock, then.

"What can I get for you?" said the warlock, still beaming at Dan. He clearly knew what Dan was, as his gaze travelled briefly to the runes visible on Dan's forearms, neck, and temple, but his smile didn't falter. And he'd just used visible magic in front of Dan, so he didn't seem intimidated in the slightest by Dan's status as a Shadowhunter.

Dan glanced at the other patrons in the shop, who casually looked away from him and returned to their quiet conversations as if he hadn't caused any sort of interruption. They were all clearly werewolves. Dan thought wryly that this barista could probably call the shop 'Wolf Cafe' and it would still ring true.

He crossed the cafe in a few long strides, stopping before the counter and the light gaze of the warlock. He glanced up at the menu hanging above his head, etched in what looked like handwriting but was clearly drawn with magic. The edges were cut a little too sharp, too clean for a hand to have etched it. He barely looked at the options before deciding. "I'll get a caramel macchiato with almond milk. Large iced, please."

"Coming right up!"

Dan saw the scrawled name on the warlock's name badge just before he turned away to make the drink.  Phil :)  it said. He watched as the barista moved quickly behind the counter, hands nimble as he prepared the drink. He didn't hesitate to use his magic, fingers flicking with quick movements at various ingredients to pull them closer to himself in a flurry of colourful sparks. Dan was well aware that he should be keeping an eye on the other occupants of the shop, but somehow he couldn't look away from the warlock. He was lean, but his arms were still corded with muscle, visible through the taut sleeves of his too-tight, bright blue shirt. The shirt was a crime to fashion, Dan decided, but it didn't look bad at all on this guy.

"Here you are," said Phil as he returned to the counter and slid the drink to Dan. His smile was bright and Dan noted the way he let his fingers linger against Dan's. "That'll be three pounds."

"Not a bad price," Dan commented as he pulled his phone from his pocket again and used it to pay for his drink at the machine reader. "You get a lot of business?"

"Sure," the warlock agreed amiably. "Not too much, but enough to keep running."

As if this Phil needed customers to keep his business running. Dan was quite sure that it was just a hobby, something to pass the time. He'd seen a few other warlocks take up such interests when they were bored, or even just a front for their underground potion or magic business. Dan forced himself not to think about that, though. He wasn't here to search for information about this warlock.

"Need your receipt?"

"Nah." Dan waved it away. "Save the environment and all."

Phil eyed Dan's visible runes sketched onto every available body surface. "Yeah," he said, clear amusement evident in his tone. He hit a few buttons on the till. "All right, you're good to go. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Dan cast a swift glance over his shoulder. None of the wolves in the shop was paying attention to them - that he could tell, anyway. He was sure their ears were pricked for anything he would say. In fact, he was counting on it.

"Actually, yeah." Dan faced the warlock and nodded severely. "As I'm sure you know, the Institute has a few patrols near this area. Mine is one of them."

"Hmm," said Phil, nodding as Dan talked. He wiggled his fingers and a mug swirled into existence, accompanied by a clash of blue sparks. He raised it to his lips and took a casual sip, and Dan couldn't help but notice the gleaming rings on almost every one of his fingers.

“I caught a glimpse of a shadow demon, and although I’m not sure of the type, it looked dangerous. It’s certainly fast, since I couldn’t catch up to it, and I'm pretty sure it came this way." Dan was only half-sure that Phil was listening, with the absent way that the warlock was bobbing his head, but he continued regardless, "So I just wanted to warn you and the other Downworlders here. If you see anything or even suspect something is hanging around, I'd appreciate it if you let me know so I can take care of it."

Phil set his mug down on the counter, and his rings clicked quietly against the ceramic as he did so. "I'll definitely do that," he said, almost casual, but his eyes were sharp. "But I can guarantee you that it didn't come in here. I can tell you're thinking it."

Dan had been thinking it, and he didn't particularly care if Phil knew it. He just shrugged. "Your back door was open."

The warlock waved a dismissive hand. Light sputtered from his hand and, from the back, Dan could hear a door slam shut. "It's fine," he said. "My wards wouldn't even let a rat in within my knowledge, much less an entire shadow demon."

"Your wards wouldn't happen to extend beyond this shop, would they?"

Phil's gaze was keen as he lifted his mug and took another drink. "No," he said. "Too much effort."

Dan greatly suspected that the mug had been conveniently lifted at that exact moment in order to hide a smirk. He wasn't sure what the warlock was hiding, but it could be a number of things. He didn't think it was an entire demon, though. Despite warlocks' half-demon parentage, Dan had never met one who would actually work together with a demon.

Dan also greatly suspected that he wouldn't be getting anything else from Phil. Although downworlders, in general, would work with the hunters if necessary for protection from demons, they didn't go out of their way to help out. Phil wouldn't be any different.

"Well," said Dan, "thanks for the help and the drink." He tipped the icy beverage at Phil, who raised his own mug in reply.

"Anytime," said Phil, and this time he didn't raise the mug quite fast enough to hide his wide smile.

Dan briefly wondered how much trouble he would get into for punching a warlock. It probably wasn't worth it.  Probably. He turned to leave, slipping a glance to the wolves still slumped over their drinks at the various tables. One had been openly watching him, and quickly looked away, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Good. If they'd all been listening, then they'd all be on the alert for anything suspicious hanging around.

Dan left the shop, the bell tinkling again, and headed back down the pavement toward the alley he'd come from. He considered tossing the drink, almost unwilling to drink the concoction with whatever potions or magic the warlock may have imbued into it, but he didn't want to waste an entire macchiato, so he raised it to his lips and took a short sip. It was good. Surprisingly so. He hummed and continued on his way, resolving to toss it before he got back to the Institute. His patrol was almost over, after all, so he might as well head back and report what he'd seen. The shadow was long gone, but Dan suspected it was still nearby.

Phil was also suspicious, Dan decided, and he would need to return at some point to check up on him. It had nothing to do with the broad stretch of his shoulders beneath that shirt, or his crooked smile, or the wrinkles that sunk around his eyes when he looked at Dan. It was purely business.

Dan took another gulp of his macchiato. Damn, it really was good.

~~~

next chapter

[adulttrio-imagines]

can you do "K: What’s their Youtube suggestions look like? " and "Y: What movie could they watch over and over again? " for the Adult Trio? Please

I’m not really much of a movie person, so I just wrote what I think they would enjoy. Hopefully that’s fine with you, and thanks for waiting!

“K: What’s their Youtube suggestions look like? "

Hisoka

Hisoka’s suggestions would be a strange mix between a nineteen-year-old sorority girl and your average tween boy. Drama channels, Tea spill channels, makeup channels, splattered with decent helpings of prank videos or extreme stunts. What he watches depends greatly on his mood, sometimes he winds down to the latest beauty guru gossip with a wine glass in hand, maybe he’s searching for recommendations to update his make up collection, or he’s up at three am spiraling into a cycle of vicious prank videos. Occasionally, he watches rant channels just to feed off the negative energy as the person in the screen screams their heart out, he finds it oddly relaxing.

Chrollo

You can bet that Chrollo’s search history is filled with the strangest and most damning of things. With things ranging from the mass production of CDs to the usage of chalk to a brief historical guide to the middle ages, if it is a topic he has probably seen an in-depth video explaining it. He’s the type to go into the rabbit hole and emerge with the most random of facts, which he will then cross check with other references to ensure validity before reporting his findings to the Troupe members. I can also see him watching restoration videos of old art pieces, since he appreciates the educational value behind them, and uses it as a form of scouting and as a form of relaxation. As a guilty pleasure, he also watches unboxing videos although he isn’t entirely sure why he likes them either.

Illumi

If anything, Illumi is more of a deep web user since it provides more valuable information to him. When he does have the time to relax and watch videos, he tends to stick with the news, although he can really get into watching those disturbing artsy videos with no real intention besides making you feel creeped out. The more unnerving it is, the better. He is so removed from his emotions that anything that can make him feel anything just wins in his book. I see him being more of a podcast person, where he doesn’t need to look at the screen but can just listen to as he does his own thing in the background. It is not that he is particularly interested in the topic, but just likes the noise in the background.

"Y: What movie could they watch over and over again? "

Hisoka

While he isn’t particularly interested in movies, he does like cinemas for all the wrong reasons, it’s dark, decently crowded and you have to sit next to him, so there is always someone he can pester if there is no one else in immediate vicinity. He’s the type of guy who likes talking throughout movies and throw popcorn at the people sitting in front. If you both go for a highly anticipated film, he will read up on spoilers and ruin the movie for everyone as he reveals the plot as the movie goes along. If you both got placed near the very end, he will try to do indecent things with you and see how much you can both get away with before someone realizes you’re doing the nasty at the back.

As for his actual taste, he does like comedy, especially if it’s dark, but he can work with dry stuff too. A creative adventure movie and decent humor is a premise he would enjoy. He also likes trashy, over-the-top shows, and loves a big, all out family feud complete with food fights, partly because he never had a family and lives vicariously through those films. On a side note, he isn’t too impress with action shows with large explosions since he has lived through them and believes the directors are just trying too hard to make everything seem cool, but he will watch them if you want. In all honesty, he can watch just about anything as long as it keeps him entertain long enough.

Chrollo

Chrollo enjoys his books more than his movies, simply because it lets him absorb the information at his own pace and there isn’t some external force directing him through the scene. I see him being more of a documentary kind of guy, since it’s informative and the slower pace is something more up is alley. While he only started watching nature documentaries when he was younger for the soothing voices to lull him to sleep, he has since uncovered a whole different realm of educational videos. He has a strange fascination with murder mysteries or the supernatural and I can imagine him binge watching on a whole series for a day or two and repeating this cycle every couple of months.

If he does watches movies, he’s the type who likes to rewind and re-watch scenes multiple times, even if that scene happened 20 minutes ago. He also re-watches it a couple times before pausing to think, process it and ask for your opinion on it. I see him enjoying mystery films with hidden meanings and religious symbolisms. He likes gritty, dark shows with a nice dosing of angst and plenty of double-meanings, and if the movies are psychological dramas, even better. I imagine he’ll enjoy a premise similar to Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons. While it is not something he will necessary watch, something with a plot like that will keep him interested.

Illumi

Illumi’s interest walk a fine line. On one hand, he loves dark gothic art with beautiful cinematography and nice wide-angle shots overlooking a whole city bathed in moonlight. On the other, he is attracted to anything involving the aesthetically disturbing, and is also a big fan of body horror where he gets to see the changes done in real time. Seeing how he is willing to morph himself into grotesque shapes, I can see him enjoying movies that are willing to contort the human body into impossible forms. I would say the ideal movie for him is something bleak yet hauntingly beautiful, and progressively gets more and more disturbing as time goes on. If there is an additional martyr or sacrificial love sort of thing going on, he would appreciate it even more as long as it is not done too over the top.

When he was much younger and closer to all his siblings, he would occasionally bend to Killua’s whims and watch old animated action/adventure movies with him. He enjoyed the simplicity of the shows, but he enjoyed it more because it would make his brother so happy. Now those tapes are burned and he can barely remember any of the scenes but the songs stuck with him, which he catches himself humming softly on some nights.

[patrickbrewerisgay]

Your tags about David's romantic gestures are everything😍💖

we were just having this discussion in chat earlier about how a lot of people can’t see what patrick sees in david. i’ll admit that this is something i have also struggled with, only because david & i are SO similar & it’s difficult for me to find (or admit) anything lovable about myself. like david, i am anxious, dramatic, self-absorbed, judgmental, & catty. but the transformational arc that david goes through over the course of the series, & over the course of his relationship with patrick, shows us depths that we couldn’t see before.

for one thing david is fiercely loyal to those he loves, which we get early hints of in episodes like 3x10 sebastien raine, where he is so protective of moira. but it’s with patrick that we finally see david opening up & letting himself shed his armor to reveal the loving parts of himself that he was too afraid to show before. for one thing, he may be anxious all the time, but when a loved one needs him, he is suddenly a rock, an island of calm in a stormy sea. obviously the biggest examples would be 5x11 meet the parents & 5x13 the hike (& in 5x6 rock on! to a lesser extent, though his anxiety ends up getting the better of him [thanks alexis!]).

in meet the parents, david sets aside his own insecurities to fully be there for patrick. we KNOW how insecure david is about his romantic relationships being more meaningful to him than they are to his partners, & while at this point some of that worry surely has settled down in regards to patrick, his world is a little rocked when he finds out that patrick has been keeping him a secret from his parents this whole time. old traumas are hard to shake; however we see david suddenly transform into this fiercely protective, confident, resolute comfort blanket of love for patrick. he does everything to make things okay, including putting himself in a vulnerable position with patrick’s parents while still under the impression that they may not accept or condone their son’s relationship with him. we see him literally wrap himself around patrick & hold onto him for dear life when patrick admits his fears about his parents. david in this moment doesn’t care how long it takes patrick to tell his parents about david; his concern is patrick’s safety & comfort. he could get angry & take offense to being kept a secret, but he shows so much goddamn empathy towards patrick’s feelings & insecurities over coming out. then at the party he is THERE for patrick with a reassuring word & smile, & even though he knows at this point that patrick’s parents will be accepting, he is still thinking of patrick’s feelings & saying exactly what patrick needs to hear in this moment. he could trivialize patrick’s feelings, but he never does. without missing a beat, david rose drops all of his baggage & all of his worry when patrick is in need.

to me the hike is another perfect example of david’s protective & caring nature. he starts off being dramatic, bratty, & ungrateful, but when he sees the toll of his actions, he is immediately able to quit this behavior, acknowledge that he was wrong, & re-center the afternoon on patrick. he quickly transitions into seeing the day & his own behavior through patrick’s eyes, & he realizes that he hasn’t been fair or sensitive to what patrick wanted to do for him. then this boy who has been whining about a heavy backpack for the past several hours CARRIES HIS BOYFRIEND UP A MOUNTAIN without even getting winded, because he is just SO overwhelmed with the need to care for patrick that he becomes like one of those moms who gets a surge of adrenaline & suddenly develops super strength to lift a car off their trapped baby. & this isn’t an effort for him, he just automatically switches into caregiver mode when it’s needed. patrick doesn’t even have to ask.

i speak of this as growth, but i’m not saying that these are qualities that david suddenly developed because of schitt’s creek or because of patrick. the growth is in the vulnerability & the confidence to show these traits that have been there all along. david rose is nothing BUT love, he has SO MUCH love to give & is SO EAGER to give it, but because of how much hurt it has caused him in the past, he’s learned to switch it off. patrick gives him the security to finally love the way he was meant to, because he IS finally loved the way he was meant to be. it’s more than a throwaway joke when patrick refuses to return the “nice” compliment in 4x01: david rose may not always be a NICE person, but he is undoubtedly a GOOD person. but it is only through allowing himself to be vulnerable & to embrace joy that he is able to show it.

& yeah maybe i’m projecting a little, but dan has indicated plenty of times that we are meant to project. i may share david’s not-so-nice qualities, but i also share his good qualities, including his loyal & protective nature. not to get exceedingly personal (though my friends have already heard way too much about this), but before this show i had been through a shitty time being dumped by my fiancée & then losing all my friends in a really overblown & traumatic argument. after that i told myself i was toxic waste & wasn’t fit to be around other people; relationships only ever brought me hurt, so i figured i’d be better off turning off my need for companionship & just accepting that it wasn’t for me. i gave up on love, including for myself, & slipped into a nasty depression where i only left my house for school. i’m not saying sc cured me; i’m still clawing my way out of it, & i still don’t truly believe i’ll find love again (though i have found friendship again which i’m over the moon about). but through david rose, i have realized that i am worth loving & deserving of love. that’s why this show means a ridiculous amount to me.

so when people say they don’t see what patrick sees in david, i wonder what show they’ve been watching. patrick may be bold & capable, but david brings his humor & his passion & his LOVE, so much love, to the table. in david patrick sees someone who is smart, ambitious, creative, & talented, who just needs a little help gaining the confidence to put it all together. patrick does that for david with rose apothecary & then he does that for david in their relationship. they bring out the best in each other, not opposites but complementary pieces. patrick doesn’t have what david is missing, he just has a way to bring out what david has had inside him all along but has been too afraid to show.

& i guess that’s my essay on david rose. glad you liked the tags! :P

[whatmack]

neil drunk rambling about maths in his british accent :(

this is so adorable and exactly how i am at parties sans the british accent but NEIL WOULD DEFINITELY (I made this slightly kandreil at the end WHOOP)(Now has a Part 2)

Renee’s tiny speakers couldn’t keep up with the bass line ofthe song Allison’s iPod was playing through them, but as Allison’s speakerswere—according to her long and hand-waving rant—broken, they were all they had.Aaron had better speakers back in his dorm room, but he didn’t look inclined toget them. It was enough of a miracle that he was here, Neil figured.

They’d won the game. The freshmen were finally starting topull together, and Andrew had shut down the goal in the second half. Neil wasn’tsure what had made Andrew decide to care tonight, but he was flying high on beingon the Court with him as the last, electric seconds of the game had counteddown and it was clear it would be a Fox victory. He was feeling so good thatwhen the arrived in the girls’ suite, toting bottles of liquor and a carton ofthe cheap local beer, Neil glanced towards the cups.He trusted these people. They were his family. But Andrew wasn’t here yet—he’dstayed behind to have a twisted ankle checked over by Abby. What if Neil said somethinghe shouldn’t?Kevin caught the direction of Neil’s gaze. He put down the UV Blue he wascarrying on Dan’s desk. “I can keep an eye on you if you want to drink.”

Like I offered before at Abby’s, was the unspoken reminder in the steadiness ofhis empty hands. Neil catalogued Kevin’s stubborn chin, his offering posture.“Okay,” he said.There was the expected ruckus when Neil gathered himself a knockoff-brand Solocup from beside the array of mixers. Neil bore it with impatient grace and refusedthe invitation to join the convoluted drinking game (there were Uno cards and acheckers board?) the upperclassmen had set up, but he did let Dan mix his drinkfor him.“Technically a dark ‘n stormy should have ginger beer, but ginger ale will have to do,” she said, ruffling Neil’shair. “I can’t wait to see what kind of drunk you are, Vice-Cap.”The tiny kernel of warmth that burned in Neil’s stomach whenever Dan orWymack called him that made him hide his face in the cup. Dan laughed and ruffledhis hair again—she was already past tipsy—and got dragged away by Matt to doshots.Drinking socially was odd. Neil tried to keep tabs on his state of intoxication.He did well until Kevin started talking about the game, and then Neil got soabsorbed he only noticed he’d finished his drink when Dan passed him a new one.He frowned into the cup, considering, and took a sip.“’Atta boy,” Dan cheered, thumping him on the back.Kevin tilted his head. “Neil?”Neil took another sip. “This is fun. I’m having fun.”He was surprised to realize it was true.Sometime later (things were starting to merge into a time-slip puddle), Neilfound himself in a corner with Aaron, who had been keeping to the outskirts.Aaron had partaken in several rounds of Matt’s shots.“No, no no, here’s what I don’t understand,” Aaron said, jabbing his pointerfinger, middle finger, and thumb out in right-angles in an approximation ofthree-space. The thumb axis was crooked. Or maybe that was Neil’s eyes. He kepthaving to blink the fuzzy edges off of everybody. “So you’ve got a vector. That’stwo—that’s two dimensions. But then. In three dimensions, see? It only has two dimensionsstill?” He stuck a finger of his other hand into his graph-paper palm.Neil shook his head. It was a bigger motion than he anticipated, but that wasokay: he was drinking. “No, you’re getting confused. It’s two dimensions becauseyou make your own axis.” He nudged Aaron’s hand over—Aaron looked affronteduntil Neil huffed at him, and then he looked abashed—until his middle-fingeraxis lay alongside his vector-finger. “It’s on a plane still. Two-dee. And thedimensions of a vector are different. Length and direction, not axis. Axes?”Aaron frowned. “But when you integrate it.”

“You’re still thinking about direction as the y-axis,” Neilsaid, holding up his own hands now, one pointing horizontal and one towards theceiling. “Look, look. A vector goes points forever. Wait. No. A vector goespoints a direction, for only some length. An axis goes points forever. But whenyou integrate a line, it’s different. You—” he paused and turned around. Allison was behind him, hiding her phone hurriedly behind her back. She wasgrinning.“No, don’t film me,” Neil whined. “I don’t like it.”“Okay, kid,” Allison said. Her smile turned softer. “You sound like a fancy Oxford professor right now, is all. Tell us some more about how you integrate.”“Integrate,” said Neil. He nodded. Nodding was a good gesture. Simple andto the point. He folded over his y-axis arm—his demonstrating hands hadextended their purpose down to the elbows—so his forearms lay crossed over eachother in front of his chest. “It’s just the opposite of derivativative, no,derivatary, no, derivative, you know? I thought everyone knew but it’simportant to know.” He lifted his top arm so there was space between them. “Integrate.”He pressed his arms together again. “Derive.” Lifted the top one again. “Integrate.Derive. You get it?”Aaron was following along with furious concentration. His glare looked so muchlike Andrew’s that Neil giggled.“We get it,” said Dan. When had she come over? Oh, everyone had come over. Neilwaved. Matt waved back, enthusiastic. Neil cleared his throat and went back tohis important explanation.“So if you want three dimensions to integrate, you have to integrate again,” hesaid. He swung his arm out by the elbow and smacked Kevin in the stomach. “Oh.Not that.”Kevin placed a cup neatly between Neil’s fingers. “Water,” he said. “Drink.”Neil wrinkled his nose and craned his head up, and up, and up. “You’re too tall. Get shorter.”The barest hint of an amused breath raised the hair on the back of Neil’s neck.He spun around, sloshing water, and beamed. “Andrew! You’re okay!”Andrew’s eyebrow twitched. “You’re drunk.”“Yes,” said Neil, because he was. “Kevin’s taking care of me. He gave me water—oh.”The cup was empty. Neil hadn’t even got to drink any of it.Andrew’s eyes flickered to the cup. He hooked two fingers in the collar of Neil’sshirt and tugged. Neil was not too intoxicated to read Andrew’s questions.He considered, because Andrew’s questions were important. It took a while. Thinkingwhile Andrew’s hands were on him was always difficult, and the alcohol was jumblinghis thoughts up worse, until everything tangled up and out of order. Like aball of yarn. Someone had said that once to him. Who was it? He wasn’t him,then. He liked being him, now, so it didn’t matter.Tug. Neil jolted into focus on Andrew’s face. “I’m having fun. But I think Iwant to be soberer?”“We’ve got you,” Kevin said, up above Neil’s ear. He helped Andrew guide Neilto the bathroom, and closed the door behind them. The fluorescent lights werevery bright. Neil squinted. His ears felt like they were reverberating againsthis skull; the muffling effect of the closed door was a balm. Andrew scooped Neil up and placed him on the counter while Kevin filled Neil’scup from the faucet. Water droplets sprayed out to hit Neil’s pants. He wiggled his ass to get away from them and would have toppled over if Andrew hadn’tgrabbed his knee to steady him.

“Here,” said Kevin, passing Neil the full cup. Neil drankobediently, and found himself gulping. Water was great. Oh wow. When he was finished he examined Kevin and Andrewover the rim of the cup. They had their arms crossed, watching him, the exactsame way. Neil giggled.“More?” Kevin asked. Neil held out the cup and Kevin refilled it. Andrewplucked it away to hand it to Neil, leaning over Neil’s legs as he did. Thewarmth of him was good. Neil pursed his lips when Andrew pulled back.“Drink,” said Andrew, unimpressed. Neil pouted deeper and drank. Oh wow, water.“You haven’t had anything all night?” Andrew was saying to Kevin.Kevin lifted a shoulder in half a shrug and gestured to Neil. “More importantthings to do.”“Hm,” said Andrew. His fingers tapped against his bicep: tap, tap tap. Neilliked Andrew’s fingers. And his biceps. And his whole everything. “Neil?”“Yes!” said Neil, straightening his spine. He was Neil.“Later, when you’re sober, do you want Kevin to kiss you?”Kevin choked and bent forward, clutching the front of his shirt. Weird. Neil bitthe edge of the cup and thought about it. Andrew’s eyes were clear. It wasn’t ajoke, so Neil could answer in real words.“I don’t know,” Neil said. “I didn’t know I wanted to kiss you until you didit. And then I did. We could try?”“Yes or no, Neil.”“Oh. Sorry. Yes.”Andrew hummed deep in his throat. It was nice, when Neil could do something thatAndrew approved of. He stretched his feet out in front of him and drank more water. Kevin was stillwheezing.“Kevin,” said Andrew. “Yes or no?”“Jesus Christ,” said Kevin. “What the fuck.”“Kevin.” Andrew’s tone was patient, but only barely.“Yeah, I guess,” said Kevin, glancing at Neil. Neil tried to smile at him. Thecup was in the way; water dribbled down his chin. The corner of Kevin’s mouthturned up. “Yes. But I mean. Not entirely my decision, isn’t that how it goes?”Andrew’s eyebrows shot down into a scowl, and then he was kissing Kevin on themouth. His fingers were very pale against Kevin’s dark hair. Kevin’s handsjerked up, hovering on either side of Andrew’s torso but not touching. Watchingthem was fascinating. Neil had never paid this much attention to other peoplekissing. “What,” said Kevin in a ragged voice when Andrew released him.Andrew was breathing heavily.Neil brightened. “Does this mean we can go to night practice now?”“Junkie,” said Andrew automatically. He snorted. Rolled his shoulders back.Neil stared, and got caught for a moment in Kevin’s eyes doing the same thing. “WhenNeil can stand you both can come to the roof. If you want.”He touched the ceramic lip of the sink nextto Neil’s thigh and was gone. Neil leaned away from the blast of noise as thebathroom door opened.“Water,” said Kevin, snapping into action. He reached for Neil’s cup. He reallyhad such nice hands. Even the leftone; especially the left one. That was the hand he had refused to let breakhim. Neil accepted the full cup and drank.“You. We. Roof? When you,” said Kevin, watching Neil swallow. The tip ofhis tongue darted out and got trapped between his teeth. Neil watched that.

“Mm-hm,” said Neil. Parties were loud. The roof would benice. And. He held out his empty cup. “More water?”

[mwolf0epsilon]

If you had to go back to it, what do you think would happen after that demon summoning fic? And what happened to Daniel???

[[MORE]]

  "He's asleep, for now at least..." Simon mutters as he locks the basement door with a padlock and key. North can barely see anything inside the room through the metal slot on the reinforced door, and she doesn't think to ask why Simon had the basement level remade into something like a prison cell. She has a feeling that she doesn't want to know the answer.

 "I..." She starts, bruised face and bloodied cracked lips so painful that it hurts to speak. She's tired. She had fought for her life, knowing she couldn't win against a 9 foot tall beast that knew she had a black belt and called her name with her lover's voice. "I didn't know y-you owned a gun..."

Simon pauses, key in hand as he looks at her.

She watches him pocket the item before he shakes his head and slumps his shoulders.

 "...I didn't." Simon's eyes are sad and just as tired as her own. He holds a weight on his shoulders that tells her he's seen too much. Suffered a loss just as great as her own. The bad feeling intensifies, and she can only think of one thing to blame:

That book. He'd recognized it the moment she showed it to him.

 "What happened to you...?" She asks, knowing full well that something had gone down before she and Josh moved back. And it had to do with Daniel.

"...What can you tell me about Daniel, North?" Simon asks rather than reply, confirming her suspicions.

She doesn't answer, because she knows Simon had a brother, but she doesn't recall ever meeting him. She knows he must have been close to Simon if his death had shaken him up so much that he'd begged for their support, but honestly she doesn't know what to say.

"I...Don't think we ever met."

Simon's reaction startles her. He laughs.

He laughs an ugly broken laugh that breaks her heart even more than it already is. Turns each shard to dust.

 "...I hoped... You could remember I had a brother, but I g-guess it was wishful thinking that you'd know who he was." Simon looks so very hurt. He hugs himself tightly and shakes.

"Simon?"

 "He was my twin... We were insepperable the four of us... F-fuck I..." Simon ran a hand over his face and sobbed "I...I fucked up badly North…"

---

     The bakery had been doing poorly ever since the new supermarket had opened up on the other block. A lot of the smaller shops were losing clients and closing down, since people thought the new place was a lot more convenient.

Simon and Daniel's tiny store quickly lost sales and the two were not meeting their quota at the end of the month. Rent was becoming difficult to pay and they had been desperate.

  "If we don't find a way to turn this whole mess around, we'll end up living on the streets…" Daniel had fretted as he looked over the bills. They had piled up so much that they weren't sure where they'd get the money.

  "I talked to Mrs. Stern, but she's not one to give more than a second chance. She expects the money by next month…" Simon sighed miserably. "I'm sorry Dan...I tried…"

  "I know...I just… I'm scared Si." Daniel looked at him, concern and fear of the unknown clouding his eyes in such a way that they looked like a stormy sky. "I… I'll go talk to Connor… see if he can lend me an extra buck…"

  "You hate asking for handouts."

  "Well what choice do I have?!" Daniel grumbled "Unless you can think of something better, I'd suggest you pick up some books on how to make money real quick…"

---

  "...You took his advice seriously, didn't you?" North frowned.

Simon shakily nodded, face buried in his hands.

  "Yes…"

  "Simon...What happened?" She looked over towards the door when she heard soft shuffling inside. The monster that had been Josh had probably shifted in its sleep, just as her beloved tended to. He was a restless sleeper.

  "...I went to the library. I tried looking for business books but…" the blond shook his head "I found that fucking thing instead."

His desperation had lead to a very piss poor decision on his part. 

The promise of having his greatest desires given to him by the many spells and rituals. 

It had been so tempting.

Too tempting for him to resist.

If he could just pick the right one, do it right and get enough money to save his and Daniel's tiny little bakery…

But it had all gone so wrong!

  "I just wanted to help." Simon sobs "I never meant to be so selfish!"

He'd not done it right.

The spell he chose called for one to clear their mind and choose their one greatest want in life.

Simon had to focus on saving the bakery, but instead he'd been greedy.

The thought of how easy it would be to get anything he wanted…

The bakery had all but left his mind as he'd let himself fantasize.

What would it be like if he were more? If he were as interesting as his twin? Knew all the things Daniel had taken the time to learn in their youth?

Be the kind of guy people wanted to get to know?

He'd been a foolish selfish idiot for thinking such thoughts. And he'd paid for it, just as North had paid for mocking the book.

  "I… Its like… It's like I had absorbed Daniel in the womb." He whispers.

  "What?" North stared, uncertain if she'd heard him right.

  "The ritual… I wasn't supposed to think of anything but getting the money to save the bakery… But…" he sighed "My insecurities…"

  "You were insecure about your ability to help?" North asked.

  "No. I just… I always considered Daniel to be the stronger, better twin. I just wanted to be as good as him… instead I erased his existence and… I guess rewrote my life so that I was Daniel but not." Simon grimaced, before looking back at her. "And I know it goes beyond just… Just him being gone."

  "I… How?" North dares ask.

He doesn't reply, instead he takes her hand and puts it against his chest. She raises an eyebrow before she feels it.

A twin thumping of two separate hearts, inside a single chest cavity.

  "...Oh my god…"

  "I didn't just kill my brother. I became him, and now I have his heart to remind me that I'm a selfish monstrous fuck."

---

     Josh doesn't eat much for a large beast. Simon feeds him liver, hearts and other assorted parts he gets at a butchers. They rarely go inside the basement and, when they need to clean it, they use Daniel's tranq gun to knock him out.

North sits by the door most days. She talks to her fiancee for many hours, letting him know she still loves him and that she's sorry for getting him into this mess.

Sometimes he moans her name, the chain around his neck dragging against the floor as he tries to reach her.

She knows he'd sink his teeth into her throat if he ever got the chance.

     Simon hid the book better this time. No longer in any of the public sections of the library. It's locked in a safe in Daniel's old room, where no one else would think to look.

Whenever he's not at the library, he's reading those damned pages in search of a way to fix Josh.

So far, he's found nothing 

So North bides her time and speaks to her lover.

  "Simon can shoot guns now, and do rock climbing… His back pains are gone and he can chat up Markus now…" she recounts through the slot. She can see the glimmer of four goat-like eyes peering over at her in the dark. The rumbling growl is unsettling. "He wasn't kidding… He really did absorb his brother… He has two hearts now. Says it helps him sleep when he feels the heartbeat on the left. It's like Daniel's still here…"

  "Nooooorth…." The mournful rumble makes her pause. She shivers but carries on.

  "You remember Daniel don't you? No one else can… And I don't… Fully remember…" she confesses "But he knew a lot of stuff. Simon was jealous of him, but he loved him… He misses him a lot. Like… Like how I miss you."

The chain rattles closer, she can hear hooves and claws scraping along the floor. Her eyes prickle slightly.

  "Josh… You know I've always been shit with words. I've been an angry unpleasant person for most of my life, and somehow you never felt put off by my attitude." North laughed bitterly "Guess you got the short end of the stick here… But… What I'm trying to say is…"

She looks at the slot and her skin crawls as the muzzle tries to force itself through. A mixture of a wolf, and a Chinese lion dog, with curled fangs and a snake-like tongue that writhes and slithers in all directions. Thirsty for blood.

  "Is that… I'm sorry." She lets the slot rest against the beast's maw, shivering when the serpentine tongue catches her fingers. The saliva is hot against her skin. "I shouldn't have been a dick. I shouldn't have read out of that stupid book… I never wanted anything. I thought what we had was plenty… and if I had to ask for anything… I'd just ask to have you back."

The beast shuts its jaw sharply.

She can't hear him breathing heavily anymore.

  "... I want you back Josh. That's all I want…" she gets up, looks down at the monstrous muzzle and presses a quick kiss to that ugly squashed nose of his, and turns to leave.

  "NoRtH…?"

She stops.

  "Josh…?"

The muzzle pulls away from the slot, replaced by a clawed set of digits. On one finger Josh's ring gleams in the low light.

  "North…" his eyes peek through the slot. There are still four but they're his.

Her heart skips a beat.