Tumgik
#like do u understand. do u understand me. do u understand how i feel abt mary sues like that.
tiyoin · 3 days
Note
I LOVE ANGST AND UR TWISTED ANXIETY SERIES PLS. What do u think of like erhmm Yuu and reader get on an argument (SOMEHOW LIKE READER TRIES TO TALK TO U AND HOW THEY FEEL AND STUFF and maybe yuus in a lot of stress so it isn't their fault either) and then it goes to the breaking point where yuus like maybe u are a leech!! 🤬👨‍🍼AND THEN INSTANTLY READER SHUTS UP AND LEAVES IDK THE DORM but yuus like they'll come back they don't have a place to sleep in so it's fine!! But for dramatic effect it was like night time and then it rains and reader goes like damn.. Even the sky hates me THEN BOO chenya appears suddenly I'm guessing he's like there to mess w riddle but got caught in the rain and they have a conversation then chenya kidnaps them into RSA WHERE THEY FEEL MORE ACCEPTED. I wanna know how Yuu feels and the other chars abt it. IDK WHAT I'M YAPPING ABT BUT PLEASEEE 😭
YOU🫵
you're evil and I LOVE YOU
YES YES YES YES YESY YES YES
maybe its after an overblot to make things worse, or maybe things are finally getting good for our little mc and mc is SO excited to tell yuu about everything that's been happening behind the scenes. only for yuu to snap.
orz maybe
mc is in an especially bad rut and they're looking for comfort (yuu) but mc overhears yuu and a few characters talking about mc and yuu defends them at first but then out of no where is like 'you're right. they're always around me- I know they have... problems but I have a life too ya know?'
and maybe mc off ahdnedly mentions this the next time yuu tries talking to them and they get into a fight where yuu says things they HEAVILY regret and use things mc has told them in confidence against them
to make things WORSE (😈) it could be in front of mc's new friends, in front of the first years, in front of house wardens, or teachers. idk but this is a PUBLIC FIGHT and mc is abosultly humiliated and runs deep into the forest surrounding the school.
or maybe its at an unbirthday party they were invited to (via trey or cater) and maybe cater or one of the first years play a prank and mc gets blamed for it and that's how the explosive fight happens?
but all I know is that chen'ya was in the right place right time and swept mc away with comforting words and promises of a safe place.
and afterwards? yuu feels absolute horrible as yuu and grim wait tensely on the porch of ramshackle. its already been hours and the sun is setting. yells of mc's name echo through out the school as their friends search high and low for them- a day or two passes and it becomes a school wide issue. missing students at arc are...common. but this is a magic less human girl with 'powerful friends' AND a vice house warden.
but mc is... fine. better than fine. she has found a supportive system at nrc, is treated like glass and is actually seen at this school. the professors are accommodating and the principal has given her her own room! he understand mc's position completely and his priority is making sure that she is mentally sound and physically safe... and if he has to keep a secret from the rival school, then so be it.
maybe months pass and there's a notable tension in the air at nrc. yuu looks horrible, grim has LOST WEIGHT. and mc's friends are tired, snippy. the teachers and stricter and no one's heard from the ghost in the forest...
until a multi school competition is held, or a multi school field trip and there's a bell ringing- no, it almost sounds like mc...
and can you IMAGINE the pain and resentment the nrc cast feels seeing you healthy, HAPPY AND CONFIDENT with those preppy pretentious rsa students??
they'll 100% think that mc got abducted and is being held hostage until they see how you CLINGY to a tall pink hair cat beastman.. didn't you hate people touching you?....
will some of them be relieved you're okay? or are they all shunning you.. but you look so.. free.. you never looked like that once at nrc... and your face was fuller... you we're actually eating..
eyes brighter and... sevens you never looked so beautiful in white
IM GOING CRAZY RAHHH
85 notes · View notes
keiry · 2 days
Note
hiii, i was wondering if you’d do requests? if u can id like to request a baji x reader, it could be abt anything, maybe fluff with some light angst here and there? tyyy 🤍🤍
YES I DO IM SOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT PERFECT FOR MY FIRST REQUEST
“Keisuke!”
You cried as you walked to his bedside inside the hospital after the gruesome incident of the Bloody Halloween.
“Are you okay?! You know that I don’t like it when you get in those stupid gang fights, and you promised me that nothing would happen and now look you! You’re in the hospital!”
Keisuke sighed gruffly, rubbing his temple as he replied.
“I don’t need you scolding me, I’m not a damn kid.”
Your brows furrowed together, not liking how careless Keisuke sounded about the whole situation after almost losing his own life.
“I’m not saying you are a little kid! I’m just worried about the fact that you almost died! Aren’t you even worried in the slightest?!
You yelled, feeling a lump in your throat out of relief that he was still alive, but also fear after seeing him in the hospital like this.
Keisuke gritted his teeth a bit, retorting with a scowl on his face.
“I don’t need you worrying about me when I can worry about myself.”
You weren’t having it at all. How could he just be so careless about what happened to him?
“You’re incredibly stupid, you know that, Keisuke?!
Keisuke’s face scrunched in slight irritation.
“Oi, don’t call me stupid!”
Keisuke turned away from you, clearly frustrated with how pushy you were being.
“Why do you even care so much, you know that I can handle myself, I don’t need your worry.”
You felt a pang of guilt seeping in your chest, knowing that your words were a bit harsh, even though it was a valid reason to be so worried about.
“I know you can handle yourself but you almost died, Keisuke! Don’t you understand how worried sick I was when I heard what had happened..?!”
“You’re acting as if I’m some sort of fragile flower-“
Keisuke hissed as his fists clenched together, his irritation growing with every word you said.
“I know you’re not a fragile flower or something, but that doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you!”
Your words gradually grew softer, your voice wavering slightly as you swallowed thickly.
“You-.. you nearly died, and I was so scared for you.. I don’t care if you can handle yourself, you’re my boyfriend, and I love you.. And when you love someone, of course you’re going to worry about them.. It’s that simple, Keisuke..”
Keisuke remained silent, his irritation still evident yet slowly depleting. You knew that you had struck a nerve, but you also knew that he needed to understand the true severity of the situation.
“Keisuke..”
You began, your voice gentle yet firm.
“Please look at me..”
He reluctantly turned to face you, his eyes slowly fixating on yours. His gaze softened subconsciously once he saw the genuine worry and concern etched on your delicate face. Keisuke felt his heart clench faintly in guilt after he saw your eyes begin to become glossy. ‘Cause how could he ever be truly mad at you..?
“I know you can handle yourself..”
You continued.
“You’re stronger than anyone I know, but that doesn’t mean you’re invincible, y’know.”
As you continued speaking, Keisuke's irritation gradually subsided, slowly being replaced by an expression of reluctant understanding. He knew that you were speaking from a place of concern and love and that your words, although harsh, were tinged with truth.
“I know, I know..”
He muttered, his voice softening as he looked down at his lap for a bit, gazing at his bruised and calloused knuckles, and the gauze bandages that were wrapped around his abdomen.
“I just don't like being seen as weak..”
“You’re not weak..”
You assured, taking a step closer to him as you gingerly took his hands into yours, your thumb softly grazing against his palms.
“You're strong.. Stronger than any other person I know, but you don't have to act like a tough guy all the time..”
Keisuke glanced back up at you for a moment, silently acknowledging your words. When your worried eyes met his, his expression began soften further, the tension between his brows relaxing.
“I know, I know..”
He repeated, his voice quiet.
“I just hate being seen as weak.. I feel like I need to prove myself all the time.”
You gently scoot a bit closer to him on his hospital bed, closing the distance between you. You slowly reached out, gently brushing a stray strand of his hair away from his face. You couldn’t handle the thought of ever losing him.
“You don't have to prove anything to me, Keisuke..”
You replied firmly.
Keisuke lightly bit the insides of his cheeks as he silently stared at you for a moment, suddenly pulling you into his arms, not saying a word. You felt your breath hitch slightly from the suddenness, yet your body subconsciously relaxed as your arms gently wrapped around him, careful to not accidentally hurt his battered body. Keisuke let out a sigh as he inhaled your scent again, his arms subconsciously squeezing you against him.
“I love you.”
Keisuke murmured quietly, his voice carrying a hint of vulnerability and softness, it was unlike him, but you couldn’t help the faint smile that tugged at your lips.
“..I love you too.”
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT
19 notes · View notes
bunnyboy-juice · 2 months
Text
NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
408 notes · View notes
puppyeared · 3 months
Text
i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
86 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
:-P
458 notes · View notes
iraprince · 7 months
Note
Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
75 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 9 days
Text
being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
29 notes · View notes
r0zzk1ll · 1 month
Text
"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
Tumblr media
#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
18 notes · View notes
Note
domestic zukka hc: zuko’s love language is physical touch & sokka loves nothing more than the shy surprise on zuko’s face whenever sokka gives him exactly what he wants.
sokka had his suspicions zuko was extremely tactile, but it took him a few months to compile a mental register of just all the ways zuko likes to be touched by sokka. Whether it’s a hand on his thigh, a thumb running over the back of his hand, or sokka’s fingers latched around his wrist when they’re walking; whether it’s a soft kiss on his cheek, his forehead, the nape of his neck, the inside of his knee; whether it’s their hands intertwining out of sheer habit; whether it’s the soothing feeling of sokka’s fingers gently scratching his scalp when zuko lays his head in sokka’s lap; whether it’s sokka tenderly cradling zuko’s face with overwhelming tenderness every chance he gets, because he knows that’s zuko’s absolute favourite; whether it’s sokka kissing the top of his head goodnight when zuko’s laying on his chest, caressing zuko’s cheekbone with a lazy thumb until his breath evens out and he’s asleep and safe in sokka’s warmth.
It’s the casual intimacy that always gets to zuko and reminds him hourly of just how much he adores and trusts sokka. It’s the physical manifestation of giving and receiving the kind of love he never thought he’d be able to experience. It’s the mute reassurance sokka feels the same exact way about him.
-franceblr
hi what the fuck is this. HIGSHJBAJHBHJBABJHSBHJHJBSHBJABHJAHBJHBJSHJBSHJBHJBSHJBAJHKJKAKJAKKAJSJSKKA UMMMMMMMM???? E X C U S E M E????? this is tHE BEST THING. EVER???? So hahahaaaaa what iffffff I reread this one million billion times??? What then?? So franceblr how does a gift basket wrapped in silk and ribbons sound? With a lil sticky note and flower attached to it? You deserve it for this. How does it feel to be the flame that melted my cold, icy heart. How does. How do you feel after dropping this like it shouldn’t belong in a MUSEUM. THIS ASK IS A NATIONAL TREASURE 😭😭
Tumblr media
59 notes · View notes
lemongogo · 9 months
Text
can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
Tumblr media
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
48 notes · View notes
sylphwing · 6 months
Text
hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
24 notes · View notes
g0thsoojin · 10 days
Text
when i see actual shitty people im like wow it is actually insane that i have such low self esteem and call myself bad when im nowhere close as most of these awful bitches lmao
8 notes · View notes
puppyeared · 9 days
Text
guy who only asks questions if they feel insightful enough to be worth asking and only hangs out if there is smth to do together <- deeply uncomfortable of the idea of wasting someones time
41 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 4 days
Text
...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
16 notes · View notes
boydykepdf · 1 month
Text
btw i do not think the takeaway from the whole khelif olympics fiasco is that terfs are crazy obsessive extremists if anything i think the takeaway is that transmisogyny is simply part of the bedrock of institutions like the olympics. like everyone screaming abt khelif being trans was not violating any of the fundamental norms by which the event is governed ‘trans women shouldn’t be here’ is actually quite in line with olympic standards. like am i missing something here lol
11 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 3 months
Text
regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
16 notes · View notes