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shixcherie · 3 months ago

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Finally Found You | Park Seonghwa ☆

~ ~ call me chérie ☆

Navigation | Kinktober List

☆ Day 19 : Temprature Play (ice)

↬ [ Synopsis ] : Seonghwa finally found you and have no intention of letting you go ever. Childhood friends meeting after ten years, a wild night with some cold ice while you explore each other’s temprature.What more could you ask for ?

☆Word Count : 2.8k ☆Genre : Smut, Angst, Non-Idol, Childhoold friend Au ☆Pairing : Childhood friend! Seonghwa x F.Reader

☆☆☆ WARNINGS : mdni!, Childhood friends to loves, pure smut(18+), a lil bit of plot, old memories, sulky Seonghwa, butterfly kisses, nipple play, temprature play with ice cubes, Soft dom! Seonghwa, he takes the lead, fingering (f.reciveing), oral (f.recieving), kinda graphic and detailed, pet names (baby), Seonghwa is definitely in love.

NOTE : So my friend who is also a writer, suggested that we write a story based on each other’s fav songs. “Finally Found You” by Enrique Iglesias is her fav song so I wrote this piece while she wrote based on my fav song, ‘Adore You” by Harry Styles.

Also I am Grinding hard to catchup my loves as my exams had a chokehold on me so please show some love for this Day 19 fic. Hope you enjoy the heck outta it ma chéries.

The flickering light from the screen illuminated Seonghwa’s room, casting shadows over his sharp features as he leaned forward, completely absorbed in the footage. On the screen, a younger version of himself ran across a grassy field, laughter ringing out as a girl chased after him. They must’ve been around fourteen, barely old enough to understand the world, but old enough to know how much they meant to each other.

You.

The camera panned to you as you tackled him, both of you tumbling into the grass in a fit of giggles. He smiled faintly, his fingers brushing over the TV screen as if he could somehow touch the memory.

Ten years. No contact. No explanation.

He let out a soft sigh, the nostalgic warmth of the memory fading, replaced by a hollow ache.

Where had you gone? Would you ever meet again? He could only hope... to finally find you.

There was a loud bang on the door as Seonghwa grumbled in his sleep. The people on the other side had really been getting under his skin for a while now. All he wanted was a few days of peace, a few days alone to bask in the warm, nostalgic memories of you. Telling them about you, about his past and his feelings for you, his childhood friend had been a mistake.

A big fucking mistake.

“Hyung! Open up, or else San’s gonna break the door down!” Wooyoung screamed from the other side.

Mingi, San, and Wooyoung had been trying to get him out of the house to stop him from being so gloomy and sulky. He appreciated their effort and concern, but today he just wanted to wallow in those sweet, happy teenage memories. But the three menaces outside wanted him out, partying and dancing in the club.

This has to be the worst day, he thought to himself before reluctantly getting off the couch and heading out with the three devils.

Seonghwa hadn’t wanted to go out tonight. He wasn’t in the mood for loud music, flashing lights, or the usual chaos his friends thrived on. But Wooyoung, San, and Mingi hadn’t given him much of a choice, practically dragging him through the club’s doors.

“Come on, hyung! You’ve been sulking long enough!” Wooyoung shouted over the pounding bass. “This is your night to relax!”

San handed him a drink, grinning. “You need to loosen up. Have some fun.”

“I was having fun.” Seonghwa shot back, narrowing his eyes playfully at his kitten-lookalike of a friend.

“That’s called being depressed, not fun,” Mingi teased, rolling his eyes. “You’ve been sitting around like a sad poet waiting for inspiration. What’s next? Writing tragic love songs about sunsets and heartbreak?”

Seonghwa barely heard his friends, his attention already pulled toward the dance floor. There, among the writhing, sweaty bodies and neon lights, was a figure that seemed familiar. Your silhouette swayed to the music, moving alluringly with your back turned toward him. But something about the way you moved struck him deep in his chest, and the reel of memories started playing in front of his eyes.

Was it… you? That’s not possible… right? How could you be here, and... wow—HOW?

His heart raced, a decade’s worth of longing suddenly rising to the surface. He clenched his jaw, unsure whether to believe his own eyes. You looked beautiful in that shimmery, buttery yellow dress, eyes closed as your body moved to the beat. His eyes scanned your form from head to toe, and he gulped at the heat rising through his body.

His expression didn’t go unnoticed by his mates, who exchanged knowing looks.

Mingi nudged him, smirking. “What are you waiting for? Go say hi!”

Seonghwa shook his head, hesitating.

What if he was wrong? What if approaching you now would reopen wounds that had barely healed? What if it’s not even you?

“I’m not sure.” he muttered, taking a cautious sip of his drink.

But his friends weren’t having any of it. Wooyoung raised an eyebrow. “If you won’t go, then I will.”

“Wooyoung-ah, hold your horses. Let’s not scare her away, okay?” San said, being the gentleman of the group. “Let’s make things easier for him.” San signaled to the bartender.

As you finally made your way off the dance floor, the bartender tapped your shoulder. “Hey, the guy standing over there wants to know if you’ll give him your number.”

You followed the bartender’s gaze, your eyes landing on Seonghwa. Instantly, your heart skipped a beat. You knew that face anywhere, even after all these years. He hadn’t changed, if anything, he’d only gotten more handsome, more intense, more sexy.

But you didn’t rush over to him. Instead, you smiled to yourself, pulling out a pen and scribbling your number on a tissue. You paused, deciding to add a little message.

"Finally found you? You should’ve come over yourself."

With a cheeky grin, you handed the tissue back to the bartender. “Give him this.”

As you left the club, you glanced over your shoulder one last time. His eyes were still on you as he read the paper, but he hadn’t moved. Not yet. But you knew this was only the beginning.

After ten years. Park Seonghwa. Finally found you.

Not the worst of days then. Who was he kidding? This was the second-best day of his life, the first being the day he met you for the first time.

Panic surged through him as he saw you leaving, your figure disappearing through the exit door. Putting his drink aside, he ran. He could hear his friends cheering for him as he maneuvered through the sweaty bodies on the dance floor, finally reaching the other side of the club.

Outside, the cool night air hit him, refreshing but doing little to calm his rising anxiety. He spotted you a few blocks away, your silhouette illuminated by the streetlights, and your shimmery dress glowing in the dark.

“Hey! Y/N, wait!” he shouted, pushing himself to run faster.

You turned, surprise flickering across your face as you saw him approaching. “Seonghwa?”

He stopped a few feet away, breathing heavily but grinning. “I didn’t think you’d actually leave without letting me catch up.”

You laughed, the sound light and carefree. “You looked pretty engrossed back there. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Interrupt? Meeting you after ten years—and that too so randomly—had to be the highlight of my night,” he replied, stepping closer, emboldened by the thrill of the chase.

“Smooth talker, huh?” you teased, but your eyes sparkled with interest.

“Only when it comes to you, you look so pretty.” he said, catching your gaze. Blinking away the embarrassment of what he had just said, he focused back on you. “Y/n, I really want to talk. Can we—”

“Let’s go grab some late-night snacks, then. We can crash at my hotel room.” you suggested, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

You filled him in on all the details. How you had to move away suddenly, why you couldn’t keep in touch, and how you were finally back for a few days but planned to move here permanently in a few months. He shared everything that had been going on in his life. Ten years was not a short time, but every moment you both spent walking to the hotel felt like an eternity.

Your heart fluttered, a faint hope surging within you. Maybe he was single, maybe there was a chance he still had feelings for you like you did back then. But both of you chickened out, and no one confessed, and then you left.

As you entered your hotel room, the warmth enveloped you, contrasting sharply with the cool evening air outside. Soft lighting cast a gentle glow around the space, highlighting the plush bedding and inviting ambiance.

“Make yourself comfortable.” you said, gesturing toward the bed as you moved toward the mini-fridge tucked away in the corner. You could feel Seonghwa's gaze on you, intensifying the air around you.

You both chatted for a bit, sipping on the champagne. The bubbly liquid warmed you from the inside, loosening any anxious nerves. You settled on the bed, inviting Seonghwa to join you. He accepted, sitting close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him.

“Remember the last time we shared a drink ?” you asked teasingly, referring to the childish stuff you both had done at the age of fifteen.

“How could I forget? You challenged me to finish a whole bottle and ended up on the floor,” he chuckled, shaking his head, reminiscing about the time you had snuck a bottle of booze out of your daddy’s office.

As the laughter faded, a silence settled between you, thick with unspoken tension. Seonghwa leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin, and before you could think, his lips captured yours in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It felt electric, igniting the spark that had been cooled for the past ten years.

You melted into him, responding with equal intensity as the kiss deepened, your hands tangling in his hair. But just as you began to lose yourself in the moment, he pulled away, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine.

“Y/n,” he murmured, his voice low and husky. “I’ve missed this… missed you.”

With a playful glint in his eye, he reached for the bucket of ice. He grabbed a few ice cubes, holding them between his fingers as he leaned closer. With ease, he pushed you against the mattress, now on top of you. He dropped one cube at the intersection of your collarbones, and you gasped at the sudden chill while he followed the cube with his lips, all while skillfully stripping both of you of your clothes.

The ice cube melted in his hand as he rubbed it against your skin, tracing a slow, teasing path from your collarbones down to your shoulders. Each movement sent shivers through you, the contrast of the cold ice against your warm body igniting a fiery need deep within.

Seonghwa’s lips followed the ice’s trail, planting soft, open-mouthed kisses where the cube had touched, his mouth radiating heat that intensified the moment even more. He captured your lips again, the kiss deepening with a passion and urgency, as if he wanted to make up for the past ten years in this one night.

“Does that feel good, baby?” he murmured, his breath warm against your sensitive skin. You nodded, unable to form words, lost in the intoxicating pleasure as only a moan escaped your lips.

Seonghwa held the ice cube delicately between his fingers, gliding it teasingly over your navel, then inching dangerously closer to the spot where you ached for him most.

His kisses trailed lower, his lips brushing the skin between your breasts. His hot breath lingered at the swell of your breasts before he lavished attention on them, his warm mouth enveloping your right breast, fueled by the soft gasps and whimpers escaping your lips. The ice cube, still clutched in his other hand, glided down your body, trailing seductively over your stomach, teasing your senses as it drew nearer to where you craved him most.

With a torturously slow pace, he let the ice slide between your thighs, teasingly brushing against your dripping core. The cool sensation sent a shock of pleasure through you, causing you to moan softly, your back arching in response.

Seonghwa’s lips never left your nipple, sucking and flicking his tongue as he expertly rubbed the ice cube against your sensitive folds. Each movement was a tantalizing mix of cold and warmth, sending waves of pleasure radiating through your entire body.

“Seonghwa…” you gasped, the sensation overwhelming as he continued to work the ice against your clit, the chill contrasting sharply with the heat building within you. “Oh God, that feels—”

“Good?” he murmured, looking up at you with an almost devilish grin, his lips still wrapped around your nipple. The sight of him, dark hair falling over his forehead, eyes locked onto yours, made your heart race with desire.

“Heavenly…” you replied, only able to get that one word out, as your brain turned to mush from the overwhelming sensations. As he picked up the pace, rubbing the ice more intensely against your slickness, your body responded to the beautiful rhythm he had set, every flick of his wrist and gentle squeeze of the ice making you moan louder as waves of pleasure coursed through you.

The sensation of the ice rubbing over your dripping cunt was intoxicating, each icy touch driving you closer to the edge. “Seonghwa, please...ahhh...don’t stop.” you begged, your voice breathless. The room was filled with the soft sounds of your moans, the gentle clinking of the ice, and the wet sounds of your arousal.

“Mmhmm..” he hummed, his voice muffled as he continued to suck on your nipple, alternating between teasing with the ice and pressing the cube deeper against your clit.

“Seonghwa! I’m...oh God, I’m s-so close!” you moaned, lost in the bliss he was creating.

With each movement, your toes curled, the sensations pushing you closer and closer to the brink. The way he worked his mouth and the ice together sent you spiraling into a blissful haze, leaving you breathless. You felt your body tighten, a wave of pleasure washing over you as you moaned his name loudly, whimpering at the beautiful release.

But was Seonghwa done with you? Heck no! He wanted more to fill the void of ten years.

Seonghwa’s lips trailed lower, leaving a burning path down your body. His warm breath ghosted over your thighs as he settled between them, his hands guiding your legs apart. The coolness of the ice cube between his fingers brought a gasp from your lips as he slowly circled the ice around your clit, sending a thrilling, almost unbearable jolt through you.

The chill against such a sensitive spot made you squirm, your hips bucking up instinctively. “Hwa...” you moaned, his name spilling from your lips in a needy whisper. He had waited ten years for this, literally!

He grinned against your thigh, clearly enjoying your reaction, before his other hand moved, fingers slipping inside you with an ease that had your breath catching in your throat. His digits curled just right, matching the rhythm of the ice against your clit.

Your moans grew louder, more urgent, as he quickened the pace, his fingers thrusting into you while the ice slowly melted, leaving a cool trail over your heated skin. The friction, the cold, the way his hand moved inside you—it all built up in waves that you could barely contain. Again!

“Come on, baby. Can I have one more?” he whispered, voice husky with desire as he kept up the seductive rhythm. His mouth finally joined the ice, his lips warm and soft as they replaced the cube, flicking your clit with his tongue in slow, sensual strokes. It sent you spiraling.

The pleasure hit you like a mix of fire and ice combined. Your toes curled, your fingers twisted in the sheets, and you cried out, lost in the intensity of the moment. He didn’t stop, didn’t let up until he had coaxed every last bit of that orgasm from you, drawing it out until your whole body trembled in blissful release.

Seonghwa didn’t waste a moment. As you lay there, body still trembling from the waves of your orgasm, he leaned down, his breath brushing your sensitive skin. His mouth hovered just above your slick folds, teasing you slowly and deliberately.

He flicked his tongue against your dripping cunt, tasting the aftermath of your release.

The sensation made you gasp, your body jolting in response. You were still so sensitive, but his tongue was impossibly gentle. And that only made the heat build again, the fire inside you reigniting quicker than you thought possible.

He licked you slowly, savoring each stroke of his tongue, his hands gripping your thighs to keep you from squirming and moving away from the overwhelming pleasure. You could feel yourself unraveling again, the wet sounds of his tongue against you mixing with your soft moans.

“Hwa,babe I-” you tried to speak, but your voice broke, lost in the incoming pleasure. He smirked against your core, clearly knowing exactly what he was doing to you. His tongue swirled, flicked, and then he sucked gently on your clit, driving you closer and closer to that edge once more.

The second orgasm hit you harder, your body arching off the bed as you cried out. His name rolled off your lips like a prayer. It was intense, overwhelming, your entire body responding to every flick of his tongue and every stroke of his hand. Your fingers found his hair, gripping tightly as he drew out your pleasure, his mouth never leaving you until he licked every drop of your sweet release.

Seonghwa finally pulled back, his lips glistening with your release as he looked up at you with that same playful grin. "This is how much I missed you," he said, causing your heart to swell. In an attempt to capture his lips, you tried getting up from the bed, only to be met by his gentle lips again halfway.

“Glad I finally found you.” you said, smiling into the kiss.

You knew he was gonna get you.

~ ~ Chérie ☆ signin’ off

Disclaimer : This is totally fictional and not a real depiction of the ATEEZ members. It's all just for fun only so please don’t take anything seriously and keep the mood light around here.

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with-my-calamitous-love · 2 months ago

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last 5 years running out my mouth

katsuki bakugou x reader

one night, amongst the crowds and the music, katsuki wonders why he’s looking for you- he knows you don’t go to parties, anymore. themes of (katsuki’s) depression and substance usage

i love you 5sos nation 🪐 inspired by you dont go to parties

5 am.

katsuki’s clinging to his couch. everyone on his contact list, and everyone on their contact lists and so forth, stood in his house. red, drunken eyes dart around, as if looking for someone. though he knows its futile. you’re not there. at least, not anymore.

he groans, sitting up. he needs to vomit. this isn’t a good look for a new, fresh-faced hero. he pushes through the crowds, starting to kick people out. he didn’t care where they went, just not here.

he knocked over a vase. he’s probably offended a bunch of people. he’s trying to make it to a place in the apartment that doesn’t reek of alcohol and dead dreams- an ambitious attempt, to put it nicely.

he groans, bumping into someone. he grows even more frustrated when he sees who it is.

“katsuki, you’ve gotta sit down, man.” kirishima says, directing his friend to the bedroom. kirishima is a party goer, but lately, he knows to stay sober enough to keep things in check. someone had to be bakugou’s jailor.

katsuki doesn’t protest, sitting down while the redhead ushers everyone out of the house. he sighs, returning to the bedroom, seeing bakugou sitting there, his head in his hands.

“fuck… i don’t know.” he pinches the bridge of his nose. he doesn’t curse out of anger or hatred; he curses out of sadness. katsuki sits there, like theres vultures spinning around him, waiting for their time to strike.

what a tragedy.

bakugou opens his mouth to say something, but the overwhelming urge to vomit takes over. kirishima walks over, pushing him onto the bed and making sure he lays on his side. he stares, heartbroken, wondering where it all went wrong.

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you prayed he’d just talk to you, about his fears and about his doubts. you wish he’d be honest about his panic attacks, especially after the war. he’d wake up in a cold sweat, remembering the fighting, remembering the tears. but some invisible barricade caged his feelings inside his heart. this had to be his battle.

he’s still there in the darkness, feeling like a heartless monster. he’s starting to come undone, the sadness in his bones seeping into the security and confidence once embedded in him. maybe he isn’t who he set out to be in the first place.

but he’s not gonna let you know that.

“told you i’m find, moron.” he says, spooning you. he hopes you don’t notice how glossy his red eyes are, but you do.

“katsuki, please-“

“i’m fine.”

you bite your lip. if you can’t get him to open up, maybe you can take his mind off of it. a party never hurt anybody, right?

“…denki’s throwing this get-together tomorrow night.” you say, proposing the idea to him. “its a reunion for our class. we should go. it’ll get your mind off of… whatever it is.”

he scoffs, musing that he’s too good for parties. “yeah, a bunch of lightweight assholes i have to drive home? no thanks.”

“oh c’mon, it’ll be fun.” you pout.

it’ll be fun, and because you’re desperate to see a smile on his face again, even if its from laughing at his friends drunken antics. anything that’ll have even a semblance of your katsuki back.

“i’ll think about it.” he can’t say no to that face.

and that was the first time you ever saw katsuki drink.

he can handle his alcohol well, actually. he keeps you close by him, starting with one shot, and then another, and then kissing your neck in front of all your friends while his bitter breath tickles your skin.

he was laughing, enjoying himself. he was surrounded by people who diminished his doubts. a night of partying and fun did him some good.

what you didn’t anticipate, however, was how often he was attending them now.

the fame followed him everywhere. katsuki would end up in different celebrities’s basements, with close friends or even strangers. at first, you went with him. but it were as if the alcohol formed oceans between you two, separating you from katsuki.

he’s spiralling and you can see it. he’d chase down all that pain with shots, and all that trauma with drunken dares and released inhibitions. at first, you went with him to have fun. then, you went with him to make sure he didn’t take his foot off the breaks. now, you couldn’t bring yourself to go at all.

“katsuki, you need to stop.” you say, following one of his nasty hangovers.

he groans, clutching his temples. “don’t… god, you’re making my head spin, [y/n].”

“i’m making your head spin?” you scoff. “no, thats because you were out till 3 last night.”

“it was denki’s birthday.” he tries to excuse himself.

“no, it was sero’s, and they told me you were shitfaced for most of it!” you raise your voice, tears brimming.

his eyes widen, seeing how upset you are. he knows its irresponsible, but he also knows being drunk was a way to feel something, anything other than sad. given the choice between drowning in whiskey and drowning in tears, he chose the one that was capable of poisoning him.

“please.” you plead. “stop with the parties, with the drinking. its hurting you!”

“i have it under control!”

“you don’t!”

he stands up, his hangover more evident than ever. “god fucking damnit, [y/n]. if all you’re gonna do is bitch and moan like a fucking extra, just go!”

exactly 2 seconds in, katsuki realized what he said. but he’s too late.

theres a palpable silence in the air, followed by the sniffling crinkle of your nose as the tears cascade down.

“[y/n], babe, baby, i’m sorry. fuck, i-“

you slap him, cutting him off. his head whips to the side, just taking it. he wants to argue back, but he knows he deserved that.

you pack up your things, and he doesn’t have it in him to try and stop you. he begs in his mind for you to stay. secretly, you’re begging that he’ll beg.

but he doesn’t. and you leave.

subsequently, katsuki’s partying habit goes from controlled to dangerous.

he’s never not drunk, never not out doing something with people he doesn’t know. he’s always staying just a bit too late, but always manages to kick himself out in time to get to work. he’s always irritable, in part to the hangovers but largely in part to your absence.

people are starting to catch on. maybe not the fans, who adore him and his looks no matter what, but his colleagues have noticed a shift. the no-bullshit, toughed out dynamight sunk somewhere beneath his rising blood-alcohol levels.

still, he looks for you. he wonders if you’re still on the couch, singing karaoke with your friends, belting and humming along to the tunes. he thinks you might be in the kitchen, making yourself a drink and calling an uber in advance. or maybe you’re in the washroom, overstimulated, your anxiety taking over. anxiety he knows all too well. the anxiety he tried to hide beneath parties.

some nights, he’ll drunkenly stumble into the washroom, whether its his own or someone else’s. he’ll wonder if you’re there, sitting on the sink, ready to leave with him to your shared home.

but its another lonely night.

you don’t go to parties anymore.

because you’ve stayed at home, crying over photos, wearing his hoodies. everything you’ve learned about katsuki during your split had been against your will. there was silence from him, but the whispers of news and gossip tabloids could scream. you’re mad, yes, but you also pray for his safety.

selfishly so, you hope he still looks for you at those parties. at least there, he cares a little. maybe even more than you realize.

right now, he’s sitting on the couch with kirishima, denki, and sero. though all of them have had a bit to drink, katsuki is undoubtedly the worst of them all. he’s bitching about you, about missing you, about how you left him.

“she just.. got up and fucking left.” he slurs, leaning his head back. the mood is killed, and no one really has the energy to argue. except maybe for denki, who points out the obvious.

“you told her to leave. and she had a good reason for bringing it up to you, dude.” denki says. “can’t blame her for walking out on you.”

silence. the calm before the storm.

exactly 5 seconds later, katsuki is positively losing his shit, yelling at denki who just sits there, dumbfounded. kirishima is holding his friend back while sero attempts to position himself between the two. its one thing to be yelled at. but being yelled at by katsuki bakugou? thats something else.

“i don’t know what to do, man.” sero says, looking at eijirou for answers. the redhead honestly isn’t sure either. one thought crosses his mind, but he’s worried.

“get him to sit down.” eijirou says. “i’m calling [y/n].”

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“hello?” you say into the receiver. theres a pit in your stomach hearing ejirou’s voice, knowing he wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t an emergency.

“hey [y/n], listen… katsuki’s drunk, and he’s yelling at denki… i’m so sorry, but… you think you can come get him?”

god, its exhausting being a good person sometimes.

“yeah, i’ll be right there.” you huff, grabbing your car keys. eijirou thanks you, knowing you might be the one thing that calms him down right now.

all 3 boys help get him into your car. your heart clenches, seeing just how badly he’s been doing. he’s sick, and he’s tired. his eyes are swollen from crying, you know it.

eijirou leaves you with a long hug, arms embracing you. “take care.” he says. “call me if he acts up. he might need someone to kick his ass.”

you chuckle, for what feels like the first time in forever. “yeah, he could.”

when you re-enter the car, you don’t start it right away. you look over at katsuki in the passenger seat. maybe he’s starting to sober up, or he’s drunk enough where he’s starting to be honest.

“i’m so fuckin’ sorry, babe.” he says. you just nod, eyes welling up with tears, words failing you.

he laughs bitterly, head leaning your way. “i’m a mess, [y/n]. like, a real mess. doctor told me i have depression. i didn’t tell you ‘cause i didn’t wanna look weak. pathetic, right? i feel pretty weak right now.”

you look over at him, already wanting to cry all over again. you should have seen the signs. right now, they are so glaringly obvious- the detachment, the avoidance, the drinking….

“and i miss you more than anything.” he says. “i wish i just… talked to you more. even if its your shitty knock-knock jokes.”

you’re crying, but you do scoff a little, holding his hand. “my knock-knock jokes are not stupid.”

“knock knock.” he says.

“who’s there?”

“i still love you. and thats the worst part about all these damn parties… you weren’t there. i don’t care about parties if you’re not there.”

that might have been the most sober thing he’s said all night.

you don’t say anything, not ready to forgive. but you do place a kiss to his cheek before driving him home.

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a few days later, katsuki shows up to your house at 9 o’clock sharp- a new record considering the recent events. he called in advance, but your heart still skips a little when you open the door and motion for him to enter.

the bags under his eyes have reduced. he’s nor slurring his words, and he’s not snapping at all. he seems… better.

“i uh… brought you coffee.” he says, awkwardly handing you the cup. “i got you some sugar and creamer, cause i didn’t know how you like it.” he shoves his hands into his pocket and takes out the packets.

“katsuki, i have that all here.” you almost laugh at his nervousness. its clear that this has taken a hold on him. as he sobers, he feels the need to rebuild himself again.

“right, sorry, smartass.” he says, he sounds like an asshole, but its a nickname you’ve both grown used to.

physically, he seems like he’s finally gotten some rest. on the inside, however, you can see the turmoil in his eyes. he had spent weeks drunk on distractions. now, he’s facing all the things he’s fucked up.

you think back to what he said in the car. about his diagnosis, about his struggles. you wonder just how long he’s been feeling that tv static in his head, how long he’s been bullying himself. you wonder how strong his demons are, how they’ve got hands and how he was struggling to fight them.

it breaks your heart.

“i… i know what i told you the other night.” he huffs, hands in his pockets. “i remember that much.”

“…why didn’t you say anything?” you dare to utter, wanting to see his pain and wanting to shield him from it.

he pauses, finding the right words. “…i don’t know. i’m a hero, i’m the god damn best. i didn’t wanna look weak.”

“depression isn’t a weakness, kats.” you remind him, that familiar nickname rolling off of your tongue in a way that makes his heart ache. “especially after everything you’ve been through.”

he knows what you mean. the relentless training, the fights, all the times he thought he was going to die. honestly, he didn’t think he’d make it this far. everyday could have been his last.

“it just… hurts.” he admits, wincing at the vulnerability in his tone. “so damn much… like… i don’t know. like i’m trapped.”

his voice cracks at that last part.

“i don’t know what to do. how to deal with this. i just know i’m sick of parties. i’m sick of being away from you. i-“

you cut him off with a hug there, enough to get his eyes misty. he hugs you back instantly, fitting in with you like a puzzle piece. burying his face in your neck, he inhales and lets himself get lost in you.

“you don’t have to know what to do.” you say, stroking his back. “as long as you’re done hurting yourself. i’m here, you asshole.”

you shed a few tears as well as katsuki sobs that he’s sorry. but as you hold him, he admits to himself that vulnerability didn’t kill him- it just brought him closer to you. after days of searching for you at parties, during lonely nights, you’ve got him again.

and he’s never letting you go.

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gingersxng · 4 months ago

Text

Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf

Pairing: f!reader x Mingi

Genre: smut 18+, angst

WARNING: this contains abusive and inappropriate stuff that may be triggering or disturbing for some people. if you decide to read further then you’ve been warned!! This doesn’t represent him in real life!!

Notes: completely consensual, sub!reader, mean rough dom!Mingi, big dick Mingi, Mingi is violent, abusive relationship, possessiveness, almost getting caught, breeding kink, bulge kink, slight size kink, perverted actions, blood, bruises, hickeys, scratching, biting, unprotected sex (don’t), choking, manhandling, Mingi calls reader little lamb, whore & doll, slapping, dacryphilia, somnophilia, kissing, mentions of fainting, anxiety, depression, self harm, eating disorders, cum cum cum, oral (f receiving), handjob. may have forgot something!

Words: 1.8k

you had been having a rough childhood and developed a few illnesses as you grew older as eating disorders of different kinds, cutting, depression, anxiety, self hate etc. you met Mingi a few months ago at a party, your friends had invited you cause they thought you needed to have a little fun since you’d been through so much. a few hours later the anxiety hit and you went to the hallway to be alone for a while, then he appeared. a tall man with black short hair and he was insanely handsome, he saw you sitting in a corner all by yourself and went to you asking if you were alright. you gave him a nod and he helped you up on your feet, you were so small compared to his big frame and you were dressed in a short skirt with a top cut low that showed your cleavage.

he played it cool at first, he didn’t want to show you his real side right away. he caressed your arm and lowered himself to your ear “maybe I can make you feel better” the low whisper sent chills down your body and your body responded like it never done before. Mingi grabbed your hand and guided you inside the bathroom, and before you knew it you were hovering over the sink with your skirt up and panties to the side as Mingi fucked you from behind. it was an insane feeling, you knew it was so wrong but you liked it and it was yet another way of self harm, to feel loved and so it began.

almost everyone knew who he was, your friends always told you that he wasn’t good for you, your mom were always worried when you spent the nights at his place. they called him the big bad wolf, that’s what he looked like and most of all behaved like. bruises on your neck, arms and legs didn’t go unnoticed but you didn’t give it too much time explaining the situation either. sure maybe you deserved better or whatever they told you but you loved him, he made you feel loved and seen.

he ate you out hungrily with your legs spread wide apart holding them open in his tight grip, lust and desire wasn’t on his list.. lust maybe but you were his toy, his nasty sex doll that he could do anything to. the kissing and biting he did on your inner thighs made you almost cum quicker than a speeding bullet.

he’d been overstimulating you for half an hour and you weren’t capable of being quiet anymore, you whined, almost screaming his name from the top of your lungs. the idea of being caught like this always scared you especially when he for once did end up railing you at your place. a sudden knock on your bedroom door froze you in place, the panic shot through your body afraid of your mom entering seeing you with him treating you like a rag doll. “are you alright sweetie, you were screaming” you quickly pushed Mingi away from your pussy with your feet trying to run to the door and give your mom a reasonable answer but he beat you to it, before your could reach the door he ran after you and grabbed you from behind dragging you back to bed with him. you kicked your feet in the air telling him to let go of you but he covered your mouth with his hand. he pinned you down onto your bed with one hand still on your mouth and the other one on your lower belly “you’re mine and mine only, don’t think you’ll get away from me that easily little lamb”

Mingis big hand let go of your mouth and wandered slowly down your neck to the valley of your breasts, he ripped your top open and discovered the lack of a bra. he gave you a questioning look, a look that gave you the shivers, what was he up to now. “Mingi I-“ you tried but he bit your nipple so hard you let out a gasp, with all the attention on your nipples you didn’t notice Mingi unbuckling his belt and guiding his cock to your entrance, you snapped out of it when the tip entered your tight hole.

he shoved it all the way in reaching up your cervix as he continued devouring your tits, thrust after thrust he destroyed your insides and your gummy walls sucked him in even further.

the thought of your mom maybe being able to hear was long gone, all you could think of was to keep yourself quiet and sane. Mingi sat himself up on his knees still thrusting in and out of you with full force, he pressed one hand on your lower stomach feeling his cock moving under your skin. “fuck I’m so deep inside you, I’m gonna fuck you full and get you pregnant, let everyone know who you’ve been fucking for months” he slapped your tits and pinched your nipple and you let out a high squeak. “I-I can’t get pregnant Mingi aah” you grabbed his shoulders as he only fastened his pace “fucking without a condom will get you pregnant sooner or later, maybe I should take away your pills too to make it even easier hmm”

you knew it wasn’t any good discussing with him, he’d always get his ways with you, but if everyone in your family would get to know you were pregnant with Mingis baby they would kick you out, you would be a disappointment to them and not to talk about the kids having a (sex)abuser as a father.

a slap on your thigh snapped you out of your awful thoughts “eyes on me when I fuck you!”

you were arching your back on the bed with both your hands tight together over your head by Mingis big hand. he was fucking you hard and rough without any mercy, his chains dangled in your face as he worked his hips into yours. your mouth hung open as big whines rolled of your tongue, your pubic bone was beginning to bruise and your wrists were hurting like hell.

Mingi attacked your neck giving it small bites and hickeys marking you, some parts was hurting more since he gave new hickeys on old ones. “for fucking sake stop whining so much and be quiet!” Mingi snapped giving your thigh a stinging slap again. you put your bottom lip between your teeth doing your best to be quiet, you gave him the big puppy eyes but earned another slap instead. “don’t think you can get away with things by playing cute” he let go of your hands and placed his own onto your hips, his nails dug deep into your flesh almost drawing blood, Mingi thrusted into you faster and harder until your eyes rolled in your head. Mingi looked down at you with a smirk, like a wolf looking at its prey.

you squirmed under him and cried, your hands found their way to his broad bare back were you dug your nails into his skin scratching him hard. a deep groan came from Mingi as he felt your nails draw blood from his back but he liked it, his whole back was scarred because of you.

you were at your breaking point and you felt the knot in your stomach almost snap, your pleads and moans got higher and your mind got foggy, you grabbed Mingis chains and pulled him down to your face “Mingi p-plea“ you begged him but midway you felt his lips crash onto yours. he forced his tongue inside your mouth and placed a hand around your neck, he pressed lightly to cut off your airways almost enough to make you faint and it made you a bit dizzy, you had too much experience in that already.

Mingi slowed down his thrusts and as he did he also let go of your neck and let go of your lips, he rubbed your clit a few times and you finally came all over his cock. he fucked you slow a couple times until he painted your walls with his hot seed.

“Mingi please can we stop, it hurts so bad” you whined as you dried your tears running down your cheek. he hovered over you and gave you an intimidating look, his eyes were hooded and black. “I won’t stop until I’m done with you whore” he said giving your nipple a pinch. “you can’t” you sniffled. “oh trust me doll I can and I will, now on all fours!” he quickly pulled out and flipped you over, you slowly stood up on your fours while your head hung low.

Mingi gave your ass a hard slap and separated the cheeks watching your used hole clench onto nothing as his cum dripped out and onto the bed. you felt his warm tongue all over your abused pussy, slurping up all your juices mixed with his own. you arched your back more and your poor legs began to shake of all the overstimulation going on.

Mingi places sloppy kisses on your cunt and all over your ass, you suddenly let out a loud scream when he took a bite of your ass, his teeth marks were engraved deep into your flesh. you glared back at Mingi with big eyes. “the fuck Mingi that really hurt!!” the only response you got was a amused laugh. and without any warning he slipped his thick cock inside your pussy again ramming you for dear life. his hands held a firm steady grip on your hips, the sweat ran down his neck and chest. that was also what your bedroom smelled like, sweat and nasty sex. the knot in your belly was about to snap for the second time and your whole body began to shake.

Mingi watched in amusement how his cock went in and out of your tight cunt and how white foam was coating the base of his veiny cock. a few thrusts more and he came inside you again, you came at the same time. your body said “no” and you just collapsed onto the bed, Mingi pulled out and rolled you over onto your back. you shook your head and mumbled nonsense, your entire body hurt and the tears on your cheeks started to dry. Mingi towered over you watching your fucked out face, he guided your hand to his still fully hard cock and you pumped him slow a few times, your drowsy eyes was doing their best to keep eye contact with him but failed. a few seconds later you’d fallen asleep with you hand still holding on to his dick, that wouldn’t stop him tho from finishing his work.

Mingi rolled you onto your side and placed himself behind you with his warm chest pressed against your back, he lifted one of your legs over his and entered you from behind. fucking you in your sleep slowly until he was completely done with you.

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #kpop smut #mingi #mingi x reader #mingi smut #song mingi #mingi imagines #mingi hard hours #mingi ateez #mingi fanfic

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kelstey · 1 year ago

Text

get him back!

mattheo riddle x reader

warnings : none

❃゜・。. ・°゜✼ ゜°・ . 。・゜❃

i met a guy last summer and i left him in the spring

"hey," you shielded your eyes with your hand from the sun, squinting at the figure in front of you.

"hey," you replied. you allowed your eyes to adjust, realising that a literal god of a man was standing in front of you.

"i'm mattheo," he brung his hand out in front of him for a hand shake.

"i'm y/n."

he argued with me about everything he had an ego and a tempter and a wandering eye

"you're such a dick! you were fully undressing her with your eyes!" you shouted at him, heated, absolutely enraged he was gaslighting you.

"staring at who?! you're making things up," mattheo ran his hand through his stupidly soft, brown hair.

"oh making things up?" you laughed at the stupidity that was coming out of his mouth, "i have eyes! i could see you checking her out as if i weren't right next to you!"

"yeah, whatever," he scoffed and walked away

he said he's six foot two

"and i'm like dude nice try," you giggled to pansy, gossiping about all the juicy drama to her.

"you love tall guys, he seems perfect," you blushed at her words, knowing she was right.

but he was so much fun, and he had such weird friends

"why do you have a ferret?" you questioned mattheo.

"it's just draco, i'm taking him back to snape to see if he can fix him," he chuckled and handed the white animal over to you.

"and how exactly did he get in this predicament?" you giggled as the little thing tried to bite

and he would take us out to parties and the night would ever end

another song, another club, another bar, another dance

you were pressed up against mattheo, grinding on him as the music deafened you. his hands were glued to your hips, gluing you to him.

"another drink?" he shouted in your ear.

"fuck yeah!" you shouted back, heading over to the bar to order another 10 shots.

and when he said something wrong he'd just fly me to france

"c'mon darlin, drivers here and he's taking us to my family's villa," you stepped off of the plane in paris, feeling like some sort of royalty.

"i can hardly speak french," you giggled, heading over to the personal driver who was parked, awaiting your arrival.

"i'll speak it for you, sweetheart," he winked, opening the car door for you.

so i miss him some nights when i'm feeling depressed

you laid on your side, mascara smudged all under your eyes as you continued to stare off into space; your mind on one person, and one person only.

you rolled onto your back, staring at the still ceiling as you reminisced the times he held you in his arms, the way his soft lips felt against your lips - and everywhere else on your body.

til i remember every time he made a pass on my friend

your eyebrows furrowed, frustrating growing through your body when you remember the one time mattheo hit on astoria right in front of you.

"hey," you watched as his hand was placed on the arch of her back.

"hey mattheo," she smiled and you frowned.

"you look gorgeous tonight, mind if i get you a drink?" be was now dangerously close to her and you felt as if steam was coming out of your ears.

do i love him? do i hate him? i guess it's up and down

if i had to choose, i would say it right now i wanna get him back i wanna make him really jealous wanna make him feel bad oh, i wanna get him back

cause then again i really miss him and it makes me real sad

oh, i want sweet revenge and i want him again i want to get him back, back, back

so irerite bim all these letters and i throw

them in the trash

"dear mattheo,

i hate you, but i love you. and i hate you again. you're a piece of shit. i never want you to speak to me again but i don't want you to ever stop trying to reach out. you confuse me so much. i know we're bad for each other but you're the only one i want. cause i miss the the way you kiss, and the way you make me laugh."

yeah, i pour my little heart out but as i'm hittin' send

i picture all the faces on my disappointed friends

"you did what?!" pansy screeched in the middle of the hall.

"girl shut up! pineapple might hear! plus, i only wrote it in my notes. merlin, do you really think i'm stupid enough to hit send?" you scolded her.

"i wouldn't put it past you," she began walking again and you rolled your eyes, knowing she was right.

because everyone knew all of the shit that he'd do

"he's not the type of guy you should be with, y/n,"

theo spoke to you, his thumb rubbing circles over your hands as you told him the things he did.

"he said i was the only girl but that just wasn't the truth," you felt your eyes water, theo giving you a pitiful look.

and when i told him how he hurt me, he'd tell me i was trippin'

"you keep giving me mixed signals, mattheo," you were now beyond exhausted of the arguing.

"you're trippin'," he couldn't even look you in the eyes as he knew what you were saying was factual.

you titled your head, "you're a fucking cunt." you poked your index finger into his chest, pushing past him as you headed to class.

but i am my fathers daughter, so maybe i could fix him?

your fingers were tangled in his hair, calming him down as he had yet another argument with his father.

mattheo was laid on your stomach, his body between your legs, hands wrapped around your back.

"i just hate him so much," warm, salty tears fell from his face to your stomach.

"i know baby, i know. i'll do my best to help you."

i wanna get him back

i wanna make him really jealous, wanna make him feel bad

oh, i wanna get him back

'cause then again, i really miss him, and it makes me real sad

oh, i want sweet revenge, and i want him again

i want to get him back

i want to get him back, back, back

i wanna key his car

"c'mon, hurry," you waved pansy over, the two of you disguised with all black, baggy outfits, and balaclavas as you hopped over the riddle's manor.

"which one is it?" pansy pulled out her endless assortment of keys.

"that one," you pointed over at the black mercedes.

"posh twat," pansy muttered and tossed you some keys.

"i wanna get him back," you smirked. you carefully went over to the parked car, trying to make as little noise as possible.

quickly you began to run the keys across any surface area of the sleek black car, ruining it as much as possible.

"this is for making me listen to y/n rant about you 24 fucking 7," pansy mumbled to herself.

i wanna make him lunch

"hey love," you gave mattheo a sweet kiss on the cheek as you handed over the bowl of pasta, his absolute favourite of yours.

"you truly have my heart," you fake smiled at his

comment.

i wanna break his beart

you straddled theo's lap, his large hands going under your skirt as he massaged away at your ass. his lips were hungry for yours, the kiss was rough but it was everything you wanted and needed.

you had thought because of the dark lighting, and crowds of people, that mattheo wouldn't see. but oh he did.

his heart shattered, dropping at the sight of you with his best friend. he downed the rest of his drink (aka straight whiskey) before heading over to the two of you, ready to fuck some shit up.

you moved your hips against theo's, grinding on his boner, his lips still eager for more of you. he knew it was bad - betraying his friend. but you wanted to get mattheo back, and theo was only there for some very 'moral', moral support.

you were ripped away from theo, landing on the foor with a thud, you looked up to see mattheo going ham at theo, punching him over and over as the fight broke out.

you stared in horror - enzo pulling you away from the horrific sight.

then be the one to stitch it up

"hey matty," you walked into mattheo's room. he was sat at his window ledge, head in his book which he was reading intently.

"what do you want?" he didn't even glance up at you.

"i'm sorry about last night," you made your way to him.

finally, mattheo looked up at you. his heart nearly bursted out of his chest seeing you in his hoodie - the one you always wore when you stayed over.

"baby," his voice was now softer, his eyes staring at you in adoration as the memories of the nights you spent together came back to him.

"i'm really sorry," you pouted your lips, knowing it was all so fake.

wanna kiss his face

you held mattheo close, his face rested on your chest. you leaned down, peppering kisses onto his face 'lovingly'.

you smiled down at him, "i love you."

"i love you too," you said, he put his face back in your chest. you looked up, the smile wiped immediately off of your face.

with an uppercut

wanna meet his mum

just to tell her her son sucks

"hi mrs riddle," you smiled at the older lady as she opened the door.

"hi, and who might you be?" you tried your hardest not to let the disappointment take over as you realised mattheo clearly had never talked about you at home.

"i'm y/n, and i'd love to tell you all about mattheo. i suppose he's clearly not mentioned me then?"

oh i wanna key his car

"what the fuck?!" mattheo yelled, his arms flailed up as he stared at his car, freshly bought and freshly keyed.

"what are you - oh," his father stepped out of the house, face dropping at the scene in front of them.

wanna make him lunch

mattheo was crouched over the toilet seat, uncontrollably puking over and over as draco rubbed his back.

"mate what the fuck is wrong with you?" draco was both disgusted yet trying not to laugh.

"y/n made me lunch. think she's poison-" he threw up, yet again into the toilet.

"suppose she's got to get you back somehow." mattheo shot draco a glare. "apologies," draco held up his hands in defence.

i wanna break his heart

"hey tom," you wandered into mattheo's older brothers room.

"what?" he turned around from his desk.

"oh nothing," you held your hands behind your back, innocently walking over to tom. "just wanted to see you, is all."

you sat on his lap, fixing his loose tie. tom's hand supported you on his lap, a slight firm grasp on your thigh too. you finished sorting his tie, your eyes flickering up to his eyes.

"have i ever told you how much hotter than mattheo you are?" tom smirked at your comment.

"my very own brother, hm?" his face was close to yours, millimetres away from each other.

you nodded, looking from his eyes down to his lips. "i do prefer older guys," you closed the space between you and tom.

as if on cue, mattheo walked in.

stitch it right back up

"mattheo, i don't know what got into him! he just pulled me onto his lap and you just walked in," you explained to mattheo.

"do you promise me?" he looked up at you, sadness in his eyes. you felt bad, but he felt nothing when you were depressed over him for months.

"promise, sweetie, you know i'd never," oh yes you absolutely would.

wanna kiss his face, with an uppercut

"oops!" you covered your mouth with your hand as you accidentally 'nudged' mattheo's arm as he was mid falling asleep in class, his face hitting off of the table.

"want me to kiss it better?" you asked him.

"please."

i wanna meet his mum, and tell her her son sucks

"oh he did not," his mum was appalled, hand covering her mouth as you told her about the year long situationship with her son.

"oh he did, and then, he had the audacity to be like "you're trippin',", ugh the cheek!" you took another sip of your tea.

"oh and don't get me started on the time he was flirting with my friend in front of me! but then he got upset cause i kissed one of his friends as payback."

i'll get him, i'll get him, i'll get him, i'll get him back

get him back

i'm gonna get him so good, he's not even gonna know what hit him

he's gonna love me and hate me at the same time

he didn't know wether to hate you or love you. but what he did know, was that he was undoubtedly obsessed with you.

"please, y/n, i'll do anything," he was on his knees in front of you, begging for your forgiveness.

you really wondered how he even had feelings towards you - you keyed his car, made him lunch that was poisoned, broke his heart by kissing his best friend and brother, told his mum all the shit he did and how he sucked.

but here he was, willing to give up anything and everything for you.

you had finally got him back.

❃゜・。. ・°゜✼ ゜°・ . 。・゜❃

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artyandink · 9 months ago

Text

i like me better | cj braxton

Summary: Just two childhood best friends, going to ESU together after transferring from Boston Bay College. They’re prepped to have fun, lose sleep and complete essays. But there was a massive tiny problem. CJ’s struggling with a breakup, she’s struggling to help him and they’re both grappling with the realisation that they might be something more.

A/N - Lemme know if you want me to write more CJ! Based off ‘I Like Me Better’ by Lauv :), and this is my first reader story!

TW: Mentions of alcoholism, hurt/angst, breakup, mentions of depression, borderline panic attack(?), idiots in love, tooth-rotting fluff and cuddles, making out (lemme know if there’s anything else)

i like me better (when i'm with you)

Saturday 4th September, 2004 - 09:45

I was gonna slap this man and ruin his perfect face.

“Hey.” CJ’s hand gripped my shoulder, gently rubbing it and staying so close to me that I could catch the warm, inviting scent of caramel and… mm, coffee. But no, I must stay strong. “C’mon, wake up.” I heard a small noise, as if he was setting something down, and his now free hand made its way into my hair, gently massaging my scalp. “Please?”

“No.” I grumbled, keeping my eyes firmly shut as I laid on my stomach, my head turned away from him as I determinedly tried to keep sleeping. But then again, you can’t force sleep. And as a college student, I know very well that sleep is something coveted. Extremely coveted. But then he started peeling the blanket off, his other hand rubbing my back, arms and over my shirt so I wouldn’t get cold. The touch soothed my tense muscles, and I resigned to the fact that CJ has powers. He could melt me with just one brush of his fingers.

“You’re not still mad at me, are you?” His voice sounded playfully upset, as his hand continued to massage my hair, gently brushing some out of the way. “Uncle Bill told me that you didn’t beat him in a game of poker last night.” My only response was a huff, which told him everything. “Look, m’sorry, sweetheart. Don’t be mad.” I was gonna be mad. I came back from a walk because he said he was attending a college party to find him face down on the sofa, blabbering in slurred words about Jen, the stink of vodka, tequila and beer stinging my senses. It wasn’t pretty, neither were the hurling sounds I’d heard the next morning.

“You broke your sobriety.” I complained into the pillow, my voice muffled by it, but I wanted to turn back around. Hug him, kiss his hair and tell him it would all be ok. Stroke his cheek, kiss his nose and call him my ‘sweet boy’, because that’s what he is. Even if Jen broke him and in turn was the catalyst for him breaking his sobriety. But he… had to learn the hard way. Right?

“And I’m sorry, but please… look at me.”

“Uh-uh. Learn your lesson.”

“Lesson learnt. C’mon, I brought you a caramel frappuccino. As a peace offering.” At the mention of coffee, I shot up, looking to see the takeaway cup on the bedside table. I grabbed it, holding it to my chest like a baby as I took a sip, humming in approval at the taste. I saw his sparkling green eyes, those pouty lips stretched in a small smile as I accepted his peace offering. “So, you took the bribe.”

“I’m not a cop. I’ll take as many bribes as I damn well please.” I smirked a little, taking another sip and pausing when I realised that even though patience was a virtue that I needed to learn, so was gratitude, that I needed to express.

Because, if he was appeasing me, he wasn’t as mad as I thought because of my silent treatment.

“Thank you.” My voice was a murmur when I said it, because I did feel guilty for giving him the silent treatment. I always felt guilty for being mad at those puppy eyes.

“No problem, sweetheart.” He brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear with a tilt of his head that made my bones warm up and shiver at the same time. His shaggy brown hair was combed neatly, and he wore his favourite sweater- the brown one with the buttons undone. It also looked amazing on him. Really good. “Can you forgive me?”

“You’re partially forgiven.” I muttered, taking another sip of the coffee, which felt rather like a shield. I was guilty because CJ didn’t deserve my criticism.

He was just… heartbroken.

And I wasn’t making things better, not by ridiculing him for having human emotion. It felt like sharp rocks in my stomach- like I was feeling a pain that wasn’t even mine in the first place. Like they’d cut so deep I’d bleed through my repentance.

“I’ll take partially.” He reached over tentatively to squeeze my hand, my own feeling so small in his. “Because I don’t want you being that mad for too long. I hate your silent treatment.”

“I hate my silent treatment too, but…” I sighed, “I can’t, you know, see you like that. I know it’s selfish.” The moment I finished my sentence, I felt another bout of gentle pressure on my hand, coupled by the corner of his lips turning down.

“It’s not selfish.” CJ assured, his thumb rubbing soothingly over my knuckles. “You’re looking out for me, and that’s not selfish.”

I started to hyperventilate, short gasps coming from my mouth as I thought about how heartbreaking the scene of CJ, on the couch, crying out his heart was. His rosy cheeks shining with tears, green eyes going down the red colour spectrum and his shirt stained with the salty liquid. “What if Jen had gone about this differently? Had she not insulted you publicly? What if I’d spoken up, or helped you more, o-or-”

I was instantly drawn into his chest, his hand setting the frappe aside as his arms wrapped firmly around me. My cheek was resting against the soft fuzz and fluff of his sweater that felt like a blanket. Like he was protecting me for something I didn’t deserve protection for. I was hurting him, unnecessarily.

“Shh.” His hand cupped my cheek, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb while the other went securely around my waist, pulling me into his lap and holding me there. “You’ve done all you can. Don’t beat yourself up over this, ok?”

“I could’ve done more-”

“Shh…” He rocked me in his arms ever so slightly, his nose buried in my hair as he inhaled the scent of my shampoo.

CJ felt like he had sharp rocks in his stomach. That weighed him down and pierced at him until he felt like he’d bleed. Jen was never a bad person. She had her flaws, as did everyone else, and she truly was good at heart. But when she dropped him with seldom an explanation, avoiding his every advance and not touching him with a ten foot pole, he wished he could hate her for it. But he couldn’t help but think it was something to do with him. Now here his best friend was, curled up on his lap and blaming herself for his problems.

He was being a major ass.

His arm tightened again, almost as if to envelop me in his comfort and protection. “It was never your responsibility to pull my drunk ass off the floor.” He gave me a kiss on my temple, his voice a low, deep murmur. “Never was, never is and never will be. Please cheer up.” He gave me a kiss on my cheek, humming a little. A smile started to tug at my lips, so he matched the warm expression and bent his head down again.

His pillowy lips pried the rain clouds in my head apart, sweet pecks on my cheeks paired with honeyed nothings in my ear. His kisses felt like stamps on my cheek, marking me as his without leaving anything but a rosy hue on my skin. To tell the truth, I was always his. Ever since I found out what the weird butterflies in my stomach meant. What the weird tingly feeling I had whenever he flashed that winning smile at me meant. Ever since I started seeing his adorable little pout when he was playfully mad and finding myself wanting to kiss him until I couldn’t breathe and neither could he.

Sunlight streamed through the dark clouds as he rubbed soothing circles onto my waist over my sweatshirt, the other holding my knee over my grey sweatpants as his hair tickled my temple from the angle where he’d bent his head to press his lips against my cheek, outlining any freckle he found until I was a sunny, happy, giggling, blushing thing in his arms. “You’re forgiven.”

“Eh, that’s it.” He chuckled deeply, giving me one last squeeze by his strong arms before cupping my cheeks and placing one last kiss on my hairline. “There she is; attagirl. Now, I was on the phone with Uncle Bill before you woke up. He wants you to stop letting him win otherwise he’ll stop betting money and replace it with dental floss.”

“Can’t have that.” I giggled, shaking my head. Uncle Bill was also like my own family at this point, and since I was a good hand at poker, we always played rounds on Friday nights that I always won and gained some cash from. But I wasn’t really in the mood to win yesterday. Not when the previous week, I’d found CJ drunk off his rocker on our couch. “I’ll go hard on him next time.”

“You better. Don’t want him getting a big head, do we?” His fingers played with mine, tracing each delicate one before lifting my hand to his lips and brushing them over every knuckle before he turned my hand over and let them tease the inside of my wrist. “Now, c’mon. We need to be productive.”

“Define productive.”

“Beating Toad on Mario Kart.”

“Yep, that’s productive.”

Monday 6th September, 2004 - 07:30

CJ groaned when he felt the light from the window burn his eyes, his hand reaching up to block it until his poor eyelids and pupils could adjust to the intense rays that blinded him. That’s when he saw a figure outlined by the light like an angel, silhouette blurry as he blinked rapidly and his head picked up. But the person standing there was no angel. To him, she was a goddess. His best friend.

“You ass.” He chuckled as he rolled out of bed, grabbing his sweatshirt as he stood up. “You take pride in seeing me looking like a hedgehog in the morning.” His voice got more low as he pulled his grey sweatshirt on, but then he walked over to me, cupping my cheeks and pressing a tender kiss to my forehead. “Mornin’, sweetheart.”

“Morning, sweet boy.” I giggled, playfully rubbing where he’d kissed. That made him let out a fake incredulous gasp, swatting my arm.

“Hey! You just rubbed off the magic.” He took my chin gently, tilting it to kiss my forehead again. “There, all sorted. Now, don’t go rubbing it, ok?”

“Fine, fine, I won’t rub ‘the magic’ off.” I air-quoted the phrase with a sarcastic drawl, which earned an eyebrow raise and a teasing smirk from CJ as he then seized me by the waist, starting to tickle my sides. The sensation almost made my knees give way as I shrieked a little, a gasp escaping my mouth as I attempted to wriggled out of his grip. “Hey- CJ!” I was breathless in between laughs, his own chuckles deep in my ear as I squirmed. “C’mon, don’t-don’t do this to me, it isn’t fair-”

“It’s fair.” He smirked before using his grip to lift me up and started walking, planting my feet in the kitchen. I pouted at him, but it slowly turned into a smirk as I began tickling the back of his neck. He shied away instantly, his neck seizing up as he backed off with raised hands in surrender. “Hey! No fair!”

“It’s fair.” I smirked as I passed by, giving him a peck on the cheek before moving to make our coffee. Behind my back, CJ raised a tentative hand to his cheek, touching the spot which I kissed as he licked his lips, biting them as they stretched into a goofy grin. His cheeks flushed red as what three words threatened to spill from his lips, but even as the expression and thought remained like it was burned there, he couldn’t understand why he had the urge to smile whenever he saw his best friend. Why he wanted to pull her closer, brush his lips over hers and maybe even make out against the kitchen counter, her hand in his hair while his bunched up the soft material of her sweatshirt and felt her soft thighs through those baggy sweatpants. Leaving a trail of fire down her neck, no match, lighter and gasoline- just his lips. Hearing sounds that he knew would be sweet as honey. Holding her in the morning, being the last thing she saw before she fell asleep and the first thing her eyes met when she woke up.

He was still hung up on Jen. But here his best friend was, with her tendency to always wear sweatpants that flattered her paired with a rope braid that always had a few strands of hair loose that he was itching to tuck behind her ear. Not to mention that she always had a twinkle in her eye when she looked at him, paired with a pouty smile on her pretty pink lips that he just wanted to kiss until they were swollen. He wanted her to kiss his lips until they were swollen.

He wanted to be hers. At least, he always was, but he wanted to add a label to it.

Wait, he wanted to add a label to it?

“Here. Caffeine fix.” I passed him a mug of steaming hot coffee that snapped him out of his reverie while I sipped my own cup, both of ours exactly how we both liked it. Creamer and two teaspoons of sugar. “Should be enough for our first day at Empire State University.”

“Orientation and everything.” He chuckled, looking up at the ceiling as he sipped his coffee with a low moan of approval. “Tastes great, sweetheart. Anyway, I doubt we’d be separated. Not after we put in special requests to dorm together.”

The statement made me giggle, his pouty lips wavering my focus for a second as he gulped down a second sip of the sweet coffee. “Exactly. Who could possibly match our energy? It’s impossible.”

Monday 6th September, 2004 - 09:24

“M’already five minutes into this lecture and I’m getting bored.” CJ groaned, leaning his head on my shoulder and inhaling the scent of my body wash as the Psychology lecturer droned and on about the basics of psychology in a monotone voice that evidently suggests that he does not want to be here. And now I’m writing an English literature analysis essay in my brain, which is not helping. Everyone had already bothered to study up on psychology basics, so the class was full of chucking crumpled notes about to make friends, and there was even a couple called Gavin and Stacey with their lips locked in the back of the hall.

It was a mess.

“Tell me about it.” I sighed, taking a long sip from my water bottle as I leaned my head on CJ’s, his cologne dizzying me for a moment. My fingers began playing with his hair, winding the soft, floppy strands around my fingers loosely. He yawned into the crook of my neck, his eyelashes fluttering as he took deep breaths and tried to focus himself but failing miserably.

“Help.” He murmured, letting out a small puff of breath as I doodled in my notebook. “M’bored.”

In order to combat his boredom, I ripped a sheet of paper quietly out of a refill book I had in my bag and placed it on the table, drawing a 3x3 table. “Tic Tac Toe?”

“Don��t mind if I do.” We played a couple rounds of it, all of which ended up with CJ winning because he insisted he started first and always pulled out the puppy dog eyes if I so much as refused. Obviously, I couldn’t protest any longer otherwise I’d lean in to kiss that pout away. My hand on his cheek or running through his silky hair, leaning in with soft giggles to get addicted to those lips and soft smiles all over again. Seeing him on top of me, looking at me with that warmth in his eyes that I always saw him look at Jen with. Hearing his groans in my ear, alone in his bed as he whispered sweet nothings to me while his lips trailed a path of sin over my skin. Clothes hitting the floor in a dimly lit room. Being the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw before he slept.

But that’s all an unreachable, lucid dream, right?

Friday 22nd October, 2004 - 17:12

CJ and I crept up the driveway of Uncle Bill’s house, hunched over even though there was nothing to hide from as we giggled like crazy. Our pinkies were intertwined, as we both registered how stupid-ass we looked, snickering like little gremlins as we reached the door, CJ’s hand lifting to rap on the door how he usually did, followed by him putting his spare key into the lock as we opened the door. Uncle Bill’s house looked homely, cozy even, but only because CJ and I made it so because the elderly man didn’t really have a penchant for decorating. We wiped out feet on the welcome mat, grins on our faces as we hung up our coats on the rack beside the door. “Uncle Bill?” CJ called out with a chuckle, and I set down my grocery bag to take off my shoes, CJ following suit.

“Don’t ignore us, c’mon.” I giggled, and then the old man grunted from the living room, responding to us.

“Don’t just lurk in there, you two. C’mere.” We shared a look as CJ and I walked into the living room, where CJ’s Uncle Bill was sat on the sofa, elbows deep in a soap opera. When he saw us, he stood up, shuffling over with a smile. “Hey, kiddo.” He grinned at CJ, who hugged him. “Nice to know you haven’t forgotten this old geezer.”

“Oh, never.” CJ responded casually as Bill clapped the former’s shoulder before he turned his attention to me.

“Ah.” He took a good look at me. “You haven’t gotten any taller. CJ still looks like a tree.”

“A handsome tree, I hope.” CJ smirked, then nudged me. “You do look like a forest fairy sometimes.”

“Shut up, I tried my hardest. Plus, 5’ 7” isn’t bad, you 6’ 1” yeti.” I chuckled as I hugged Bill, swaying a bit. I’d known Uncle Bill since I could talk, same as CJ, so we were practically family at this point. And even though he was a grouchy ‘old geezer’, I still loved the ‘old geezer’ as if he was my own uncle. “Good to see you, Uncle Bill.”

“You too, sweetheart.” He patted my back, then took a look at us both with a proud smile. “I remember when you two were small little munchkins. Bawling every other minute. Now look at you both, all grown up. In college, together. I swear, you’re joined at the goddarn hip.” He reached up to pat our cheeks, then frowned in confusion. “You sure you two ain’t datin’ yet?”

“No, Uncle Bill, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” CJ raised a warning hand paired with a smug smirk. “I’m way out of her league.”

I picked up a newspaper from the side table, rolling it up and slapping him in the head with it. “Shut it, I’m way out of your league.” Then I turned to Bill, holding up the bag of groceries that we’d picked up for him. “Shall we?” I walked off with the elderly man, setting the newspaper to the side.

CJ chuckled to himself as he watched me walk off, in his hoodie and my sweatpants that made me look like an angel but a walking temptation at the same time. “Yes, you are.” He muttered under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck while biting his lip. To him, his best friend was unattainable. With those dimples, eyes and those sweet smiles.

The evening was spent with rounds of poker that I won every time, Uncle Bill complaining about something or the other in his house over glasses of juice, punch and water. CJ hadn’t had much practice at poker, so he was finding it hard to keep up with the skill of the likes of regular players such as Bill and I. That resulted in quite a bit of teasing and playful ruffles of hair, and me having to kiss CJ’s cheek to appease him and take that grumpy little pout off his face.

“C’mon, boy, buck up.” Bill gruffly ordered, dealing another round. “You just need practice.”

“Let me guess…” CJ deadpanned, “practice makes perfect, don’t be sad, because it’s not about winning and it’s about having fun.”

“Wrong. It is about winning, cause you win money. It’s all about the money.”

“Yeah, Cee.” I smirked, giggling as I counted the amount of twenty dollar bills that I’d earned so far. I was sure I’d empty Uncle Bill’s pocket soon. “It’s about the money.”

“You two are addicts.” CJ huffed, shaking his head with a laugh. “You’re as bad as each other.”

“Sore loser.” Uncle Bill snorted.

“Yeah, sore loser.” I snickered before taking my dealt hand.

Hours later, we were in the middle of a round of poker when we looked to Uncle Bill and found that he was fast asleep, starting to snore. I giggled, setting down my cards and gesturing to CJ. “Pack this up, I’ll get him to bed.” As I turned my back, moving to put a blanket over Uncle Bill, CJ’s phone lit up with a text.

A clearly drunken series of texts.

Jen: I miss you

Jen: Come back

Jen: Pleeassse, CJ

Jen: Ily so much

Jen: Cmonnn, give me another chance

Those texts made everything come crashing down again. All those suppressed emotions and focusing on anything but Jen and now she was texting him, drunk. Tears welled in his eyes as he struggled to keep them down, burying himself with the task of cleaning up the cards until he felt a hand on his hair, a gentle hand taking the pack of cards out of his hands and set it down.

Next thing he knew, he was in the spare bedroom upstairs, curled up with his head in his best friend’s lap while he cried his eyes out into her grey sweatpants, leaving water stains behind as he tasted salt.

I stroked his hair, fighting the urge to cry myself as I cradled him like I did back when he had his depression spell. I whispered words of encouragement and love to him, trying to make him feel the slightest bit better as those pretty green eyes steadily turn redder by the second.

I had to stop the cycle somehow, but I wasn’t sure how to.

Sunday 7th November 2004 - 15:48

CJ and I were writing our Psychology essays on my bed, discussing ideas to reach the 3000 word minimum requirement. The room was filled with our low rumbles of conversation, flipping of book pages and the scratching of pens on paper. But his eyes kept on flicking curiously to me, his lips pursed slightly as he noted how our time right now didn’t consist of giggles, jokes and playful pecks on the cheek paired with cuddling. It was somber, almost quiet, and he could sense that with my loving glances, there was a small weight to them that he couldn’t explain, but he knew I could.

“Hey.” He reached out, brushing my curtain bangs out of my face. His head tilted as he gazed into my eyes, finding only a sadness that he didn’t like to see. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, Cee.” I whispered, but he thumbed my bottom lip with a soft frown. His eyes looked so worried, it ached my heart and it ached his too, seeing me without my usual smile. My lips parted in a silent gasp, my breath hitching as I closed my eyes to steady myself before opening them and taking a good look at him.

I wanted to say what three words so badly.

But he was hurting.

“Looks far from nothing to me.” His thumb on my lip tried to push them up into a smile, but when one didn’t come, he pulled me into his arms. It was like we had a psychic link. Whenever one of us were upset, the other was. If one was guilty, the other would try and find any reason whatsoever to feel the same.

Right now?

I felt lost, just as lost as CJ.

I didn’t feel lost when I was curled up on his lap, my head in the crook of his neck while he rocked me gently. I didn’t feel lost in the slightest when he murmured affirmations into my ear along with little kisses. I didn’t feel lost when his fingers brushed my cheek and his lips wiped away the one tear on my cheek that dared to escape my eyes, his fingers soothing the following ones.

I knew that if he let me go, I’d feel just as lost as ever. Unsure how to help him and unsure how long we’d pass the hot potato in the form of negative emotions that manifested as per their own will back and forth like a pendulum. It was a cycle.

One of us got upset, the other cuddled with them until the sniffles went away. Then vice versa, and it would… never… stop. I just wanted it to stop.

“I’ve got you.” He whispered into my ear, kissing the spot beside it as he drew comforting circles on my back. “S’gonna be ok, sweetheart. I’ve got you. You can tell me what’s up when you’re ready, ‘k?”

“You’re hurting.” I whispered, gripping his grey Henley in a tight fist. He let out a long breath through his nose before nuzzling it in my hair. “It hurts when you hurt.”

“Sweet girl.” He whispered, sounding like he was physically pained to hear those words. ��I may be hurting, but please don’t-don’t do that to yourself, ok? I’m almost over Jen, just hold out on me a bit longer, y’hear? I can’t see you like this. I just need that beautiful smile, ok?”

“Please be ok.” I whispered. “Soon. I’m so mad at Jen, but she-she’s not even a bad person, so I can’t fully hate her.”

“I feel the same way.” He kissed my hair. “But this is affecting you, so I’ll try my hardest to get better. I promise.”

“Don’t do this just for me.” I pleaded quietly. “Do it for yourself, too.”

“I’ll try.” He whispered, still rocking me. “Let’s set down these essays, and take a break. We can watch Johnny English together to cheer you up. I know I’ve been holdin’ out on watching it, but I can make an exception.”

I sniffed, looking up at him with watery eyes. “Really?”

“Really.” He kissed my cheek, then swept me into a bridal carry, his strong arms cradling me to his chest as he walked over to the sofa, laying me down. “Just lay back and relax, sweetheart. I’ll get the popcorn.”

The rest of the night was spent with loud laughs, comforting kisses as he held me close under the blanket. I couldn’t help but look at his perfect side profile as he stared at the TV with a wide grin on his face as he chuckled at Rowan Atkinson’s shenanigans on the flashing screen. His face illuminated in the dark room (the blinds were drawn) looked so peaceful, his arm around my shoulder and a few strands of hair brushing over his forehead that I wanted to move with my fingertips.

Instead I snuggled into his chest, his arms instinctively cocooning me in his embrace. CJ closed his eyes, wanting to do all of this all over again but this time with us kissing each other’s lips and telling each other ‘I love you’.

I’m in love with you.

I’ve fallen for you.

I’m hopelessly addicted to you.

The words were right there, but he choked up at the last moment.

You’re my best friend.

You’re my rock.

My everything.

It was easy to say in his head, but not so much out loud.

You’re my universe, sweetheart. Ever since we could talk.

Sunday 19th December, 2004 - 18:26

We were celebrating Uncle Bill’s birthday, so, naturally, we were over at his house. Even better for Uncle Bill, Grams, or Evie, as Bill knew her, was coming over to visit. So I’d finished dressing up in a plaid dress, putting a belt over it and letting my hair loose for once. I ran a comb through it, and I could barely remember the last time I dressed up was my graduation. I put one last swipe of lip gloss on, then opened the door and descended down the stairs nervously. Uncle Bill and Grams had their backs to me, but CJ’s eyes lit on fire when he looked up from the lively conversation to see me standing there. He instantly stood up so fast he almost toppled over the armrest of the sofa, his jaw almost hitting the floor.

“You…” A grin twitched at his lips as he made his way over to me in a daze, taking my hand and twirled me, “look stunning. My god, sweetheart. But… personally?” His lips brushed my ear and his voice lowered to a murmur. “You look even better in sweatpants.”

“Oh, shush, you.” I snickered, and then we saw Uncle Bill and Grams’ eyes on both of us with smirks on their faces. The air turned awkward, but then CJ lifted my hand to his mouth to kiss my knuckle before interlocking our pinkies as they dropped.

“You look beautiful, darling.” Grams smiled affectionately, gesturing for us to come over and sit down.

“Thank you, Grams.” I grinned.

“Like a Barbie doll, sweetheart.” Bill added, but got swatted on the arm by Grams. “What? Y’all can compliment her but I can’t?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, honey, and you know it.” She laid a hand on Bill’s forearm. “How about I go with CJ to get your cake ready, hm?” She looked keenly towards CJ, who clapped his hands and rubbed them together, going with Grams, who shuffled into the kitchen with CJ. The cake was already laid out, which planted some confusion in the poor boy’s mind.

“Was this some masterful plot to get me to talk about something?” He asked with a raised eyebrow as Grams shut the door behind them.

“You got that right, young man.” Grams gave him a smile, then gestured for him to sit on the barstool in the kitchen. He obliged, sitting his apprehensive ass down before he had the mind to complain or object. “Now, I don’t want you to deny anything that I’m about to say, because frankly, CJ, I have seen enough to know.”

“Know-?” CJ chuckled nervously. “K-Know what, exactly?”

“You are madly in love with that stunning young lady in the next room.” The fact that it was said aloud caught CJ off guard, rendering him speechless. “I have no objection to this matter, even if my granddaughter and you were quite the couple, but that isn’t the point here. I understand from William that you and that girl have been friends since you could talk. And it is quite clear to me how closeted you are about your true feelings, when all she does is reciprocate them in her own special way, which is letting you shower your affection because it makes her feel special. In more specific words, you make her feel special.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You are a handsome boy, but you are also, as I’ve said before, someone of pure heart and good intention. I love my granddaughter, but no one is a better match for you… than your best friend.”

To say that CJ was flabbergasted was an understatement. He’d never considered that his best friend could reciprocate his feelings.

That never occurred to him once. But nah, she couldn’t. She’s too good for him.

Sunday 19th December, 2004 - 9:56

CJ walked into the spare bedroom where his best friend was staying, and found her in his favourite outfit of hers, sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard. Sweatpants. The lip gloss was still on, and still looked stunning.

He closed the door, his eyes flicking down to my lips as he walked over, desperate to kiss it off and taste it on his tongue, but he digresses. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hey, Cee.” I smiled, patting the space beside me, which he flopped onto.

“I know I’ve probably said this a million times, but you look amazing.” He reached out, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. I blushed, my eyes flicking down to his lips before back up.

“I’m in sweatpants.”

“Exactly. Amazing.” His lips brushed my cheek, then he grinned softly and continued to press them over and over again, lips soft as silk, and I knew they’d taste as sweet as sugar. His hand cradled my cheek, his thumb stroking my cheekbone as I giggled and blushed even harder. “So amazing.”

“You’re just saying that.” I chuckled, leaning into his hand as I looked down bashfully. My lips parted slightly, fighting off the urge to smile like a goof.

“No, I’m not.” He muttered, smiling against my cheek as his nose brushed it as well. He let out a deep sigh, nuzzling into my cheek. “God, I love you.” The words slipped out, and I looked to him just as he thumbed my bottom lip, his breath mingling more with mine by the second as his pretty eyelashes fluttered closed.

“What-?”

“Shh…” He murmured, his lips pressing against mine, sweet as ambrosia as the taste of coffee, vanilla sponge cake and chocolate flooded my tongue. His gentle touch on my cheek had me melting as my own mouth found the dignity to respond, my hand tangling in his hair as I breathed in… his cologne. Cinnamon. Vanilla scented body wash. I broke apart briefly, my lips barely grazing his as a soft gasp fell from my lips as I leaned back in, tilting my head as I met him halfway.

That sweet sound, god, that sound, it almost made CJ melt. His hand immediately hooked under my knee, pulling it across his legs and setting it down so I was straddling him. His hand gripped my waist gently, not missing a beat as he pressed me against him, feeling everything he could. The way my hand slid across his chest, over his Henley, as his tongue brushed my bottom lip, a low sound of pleasure swallowed by my mouth falling from his. My fingers rubbed his soft hair, gently tugging until I got a moan from him that made me feel like I was on fire. He only added gasoline to it, coaxing more noises out of me by leaving a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down my neck as his hand squeezed my upper thigh as the other rubbed my hip in circles.

His hand on my thigh kneaded down to my knee then back up, gently gripping and rolling my hips down to meet his, which made us both jolt and meet in the middle again, honeyed sounds leaving both of our mouths, the hot air stealing mine while CJ’s vibrated against my neck. My head tipped back to allow him better access to me, fully trusting him. I could never not, and this right here felt like a dream. I always was his, but now, I was… his. Really his.

His hand took mine as he sweetly mouthed at my neck, breaking off to press a kiss to my knuckle and then my palm, placing that hand over his heart in a silent thank you for letting him touch me like this. The gesture made me smile, and I tilted his head back up to capture his heavenly, sinful lips again after they made me feel like the only girl in the world. He reached for my hip again, pulling me flush against him, but his elbow accidentally knocked his phone to the floor with a loud clatter that had both of us cringing and looking at the door for any signs of someone entering.

“You kids alright in there?” We heard Uncle Bill call out, followed my Grams’ voice after.

“Leave them alone, William, they can take care of themselves. Besides, I’m sure they’re… busy.”

I turned back to CJ, who gave me an apologetic grin, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my nose and then a bold freckle on my left cheek. “Sorry.” He mouthed, but I giggled instead and pecked his lips for another taste.

“It’s ok.” I whispered, brushing his hair back from his face with a smile. “For what it’s worth… I’m in love with you, too.”

The statement had him grinning like an idiot, cupping my cheeks and pressing his forehead against mine. “That’s worth everything, sweetheart.”

Monday 27th December, 2004 - 8:46

“God, Cee…”

The cool slab of the kitchen counter in our apartment pressed against my back, a contrast to the warm hand pushing up my sweatshirt. My hand was buried in CJ’s hair as his lips moved against mine like they were on fire and I was the only source of quenching it, like he was in the desert and I was his only source of pure water. His palm pressed against the now exposed skin of my waist, a low chuckle escaping from his lips.

I giggled in response, humming as his lips connected hungrily with mine once again, the taste of our morning coffee flooding each other’s mouths as he hummed back, his other hand reaching up to take the band tying her rope braid together and letting it loose, his fingers working to untangle the strands and mess it up just right. He let out another low moan that I couldn’t help but whimper in response to, especially as his hand squeezed my thigh playfully, lifting it to hook it over his hip before his lips regretfully left mine and instead descended to tease my neck in a way that had me tilting my head for him and pressing myself back into the counter to avoid getting hyperthermia; he was making me feel that much like the friggin’ sun.

CJ let out another low chuckle before lavishing more attention on my neck in order to elicit more sounds from my mouth. “You know,” He murmured between kisses, “I’ve always imagined doing this here.”

“Making out?” I breathlessly replied, also laughing a bit before it dissolved into a whine, those pillowy lips working their magic. As always.

“Oh, yeah.” He teased playfully, his hand in my hair tilting my head just a bit more, fingers massaging my scalp to soothe me as he planted a few more open-mouthed kisses on my neck, his elbow keeping my leg on his hip while his hand moved to play delicately with the drawstring of my sweatpants, tugging on it to make my breath hitch. “But now? Now, I’ve got a bit more in mind.”

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tomssexdoll · 9 months ago

Text

When I was your man

PAIRINGS: Tom 2009 x Female reader CONTENT: ANGST + FLUFF + SMUT SYPNOSIS: Tom and Y/N broke up, after 2 years of dating she finally had enough of his shitty behaviour. Tom starts to see her everywhere and deeply regrets his actions, crying for you every night. One night he sees you at a bar, dancing with another man and he approaches you. A/N: inspired by when I was your man by bruno mars WARNINGS: dom! tom, sub!reader, eating out, alcohol mentions, fingering

Me and Y/N broke up a month ago, she couldn't deal with my shitty behaviour she said, complaining about how I treat her. When I refused to apologise she took her things and left, texting me later that we were over.

As soon as I saw her say that I burst into tears, realizing my shitty actions towards her.

I went to bed that night but it didn't feel right. It was the same bed but it felt just a little bit bigger, more empty without her, cold and lonely.

I hear our song on the radio but it doesn't sound the same. The song we had our first kiss to, lost our virginities to, countless of memories wasted all because of me.

When my friends talk about her all it does is just tear me down, cause my heart breaks a little when I hear her name.

I've been super depressed after the breakup, not being able to sleep properly and not eating. All I wanted was her, to hold her, caress her soft skin, kiss and appreciate her. But she was gone, and I didn't know how long it'd be until I could have her in my arms again.

My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways, caused a good strong woman like her to walk out of my life, and it haunts me everytime I close my eyes.

I couldn't just set my selfishness down for a second, I was a fucking idiot, treating the kindest and most beautiful girl like shit, disregarding her feelings, gaslighting her and neglecting her. I looked at twitter, seeing headlines of her with another guy.

I sobbed and sobbed, crying my eyes out, seeing her already moved on. I knew I deserved it but I wanted her back so badly, she was my everything, my baby, my world. I wish I could turn back time and just start all over again, make her feel like the only girl in the world, make her feel special and loved.

One day I decided to go to a bar and drink my sorrows away, running out of all the alcohol in my house that I drowned myself in. I sat down, ordering a couple shots of whiskey, downing them within seconds.

I turned around to see everyone dancing, sweaty bodies pressed up against each other, making me remember the special moments we shared in this bar, tears welled up in my eyes again.

Then suddenly I saw her, Y/N was there, she was so beautiful, so stunning. Her features glowing from the flashing lights, curves showing off in her sexy dress. My baby was dancing like she loved to do, but she was dancing with another man, he smiled at her, holding her close and kissing her gently.

My eyes widened and I stared there in shock, it felt like the world stopped, like everything went silent. She swayed her hips, grinding into him. She looked like she was having so much fun.

I stepped closer, the lights now hitting me. She turned and looked at me, her eyes widening and her movements haltering. We just stared at each other for a while, she eventually rolled her eyes and excused herself, walking off. I ran after her, calling out for her.

Eventually I grabbed onto her arm, looking down at her "baby..please" I choked out a sob, she pushed me off "get off me Tom, I told you we're over.." she mumbled, not being able to look me in the eyes.

I noticed how she quickly wiped a tear from her cheek, I grabbed her chin and lifted it to look at me, "I know im probably much too late, to try and apologise for my mistakes" I sighed "but i just want you to know, I hope he buys you flowers and holds your hand, gives you all his hours, take you to every party cause i remember how much you loved to dance, do all the things i've should've done..when i was your man.."

Tears welled up in her eyes, she hugged me tightly and sobbed into my chest, "oh tom..I missed you so much" I smiled and stroked her hair. "Let's go outside baby..talk about things better, hm?" I mumbled against her hair, she nodded and took my hand, leading my outside and leaving the guy she was with.

We walked to my car and got in, blasting the heating. "He's not with me or anything..i've been hooking up with him for like 2 weeks and I figured paparazzi might have been there to take photos and make you jealous.." she crossed her arms, frowning.

"I deserve it though, I treated you badly baby, you didn't deserve to go through what you did" I held her hand, rubbing my thumb over the skin softly, "maybe you can give me another chance? I swear I'll change baby, it won't be like the other times, I need to prove to you that I can change, I can be a better man for you" I started to cry again, she winced and got onto my lap, wiping my tears away and kissing me softly.

"I'm an idiot for forgiving you again..but fuck you seem so sincere.." she sighed, smiling softly. "I'll do anything for you baby, name it and i'll do it, I just can't lose you" I said, my voice shaky, rough with emotion.

"I haven't been able to function without you, you complete my world" I caressed her cheek. "Let's go home, I'm tired of living out of a shitty hotel" she giggled, climbing into the passanger seat again.

As we got home she rushed in, running onto our shared bed, "fuck..how I missed this bed" she rolled around in it, I smiled and walked in, laying next to her.

"Tom..?" she turned to me, "yes schatz?" I pulled her closer, looking down at her. "Why did you treat me so badly?" her question hit hard, I didn't really know myself. "Uh..I don't know..I was just stupid and I didn't appreciate the wonderful woman I had in front of me, I was a little intimidated, you were way too good for me and I just thought sabotaging everything would make it better, which now I see was fucking stupid" I groaned, rubbing my temples in frustration.

"I'm just glad you eventually saw how it affected me, I missed you a lot I will admit but I was also hurt and I still am" I nodded, "I know baby..and I'm so sorry, I wish I could take back all the pain" I said, reaching out and grabbing her hips, rubbing them softly.

"You know I'd do anything for you, I would take a bullet straight through my brain just to prove my love to you." She chuckled "baby..chill out" I smirked "sorry..I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you"

She climbed on top of me, tracing my features with her delicate fingers. "There will be no sunlight if I lose you baby, just like the clouds my eyes will do the same, if you walk away everyday it'll rain" I kissed her softly, she smiled "Tom that's beautiful.." she whispered and kissed me back.

I flipped us over, me hovering over her. "Let me give you the love you deserve, make you feel beautiful.." she nodded and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, revealing black lacey bra.

My head dove into her chest, kissing and sucking softly.

She moaned softly, delicate sounds coming out of her beautiful lips. I reached down and removed her skirt. Her beautiful figure underneath me.

My fingers traced her curves softly, appreciating her beauty. "So, so beautiful..my angel" I whispered, kissing down her stomach and planting a soft kiss on her panties, her hips bucking up slightly.

"Tom..don't tease" she whined, I chuckled and slid her panties off, bending her legs and prying her thighs apart, licking a stripe on her folds, collecting her juices.

I slowly lapped my tongue onto her her clit, sucking softly, "mm!" she moaned loudly, gripping onto the sheets tightly. I smirked, happy to see her so pleasured.

I sneaked my hand up, entering 2 digits into her wetness, stretching her out. "Oh fuck!" she groaned as my fingers curled at her g spot, "is it good baby?" I teased, she nodded and screwed her eyes shut, focusing on the pleasure.

My fingers found their rhythm inside her, thrusting in and out. I could feel her release slowly approaching, her breath coming in short gasps. I increased the pressure on her clit, sucking harder as I felt her about to climax.

I could tell I was driving her wild, her head lolled back and her eyes were tightly shut, legs slightly trembling. "Cum for me baby.." I moaned on her clit, slobbering all over it.

I felt her pussy clench against my fingers as she came hard, a loud high pitched moan leaving her mouth. "So good.." I chuckled, licking up all her juices and climbing up to hover over her again.

I grabbed my clothed erection, "do you want it baby?" she nodded quickly, grabbing at my pants and shoving them off. I grinned at her urgency, pulling my cock out of my boxers and pumping it a few times.

"Can't wait to be inside you again.." I groaned, pressing my tip at her entrance, slowly pushing in. It had been a while since we last fucked, her "hookups" obviously not as big as me.

She cried out, holding onto me tightly, "fuck!", I dragged my hand down to her clit, rubbing slow circles to let her relax. I felt her pussy unclench on my cock, finally being able to thrust in better.

I slowly thrusted, gradually picking up my pace so I didn't hurt her.

Eventually my cock was pounding into her, my grip tight on her hips, holding her into place. "Fuck..so tight" I groaned, my head rolling back.

"Mmm! Fuck!" she moaned, feeling my tip hit her g spot, I leaned down and started to suck her nipples softly, earning a loud groan from her. My tongue swirled against her sensitive buds, making her throw her head back.

"Cum for me pretty girl.." I grunted, picking up my pace again and slamming into her, the tension building in my stomach as I felt my release approach, nails digging into her hips.

"Mmh! Oh shit!" she cried out, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close, her pussy clenching around my cock, increasing the amount of pleasure I was recieving.

I felt her body shudder under me, her orgasm washing over her and her juices painting my cock, I groaned and came inside her, shooting my load deep into her and making sure to keep thrusting so it could stay in.

I sighed and collapsed on top of her, cock still buried deep inside her hole. "I missed you so much baby..I swear i'll never ever hurt you again, I was so stupid to treat you that way" I winced "please forgive me and take me back.." she frowned at my pain, kissing me softly.

"I know you're sorry baby, it'll take a while for me to trust you again but we can try one more time, don't blow it" she sighed, I sighed in relief, peppering kisses all over her face and flipping us over so that she was on top of my chest, "get some rest baby" I whispered into her hair.

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomkaulitzloverr @tomscumdump @tomscumdoll @bkaulitzlover @ballhair @estxkios @ge-billsgf @charliesgoodboy

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redsrooftopprincess · 4 months ago

Text

Disability HCs

Not all mutations are going to be cool and hot, and let's face it, the world wasn't built for our boys. Here are some things they struggle with...

CW: Mental and physical disabilities, but thought that was obvious. 😅

Raphael:

Weight/Chronic Pain. The harness that he wears strapped across is chest isn't part of his battle gear. Being the biggest of his brothers, his shell is also the heaviest, and no one was ever meant to carry that much weight. Without support, he's likely to shatter bones jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Donnie designed a harness for him that distributes the weight evenly, but he's still in constant pain. He works out not just because he enjoys it, but because his muscles have to be able to carry him, and the more he can carry the less pain he's in.

Bipolar II. His highs are pretty chill, but his lows get DARK. Depending on where his head is when they hit, he'll either double his patrols or lock himself in his room. Violence or isolation are his go to. The only thing that seems to take the edge off is pressure therapy. He's a physical guy and the combination of physical touch, pressure, and being held by someone who isn't disgusted by or afraid of him, makes hugs the most effective and ready available option. Just don't ever point it out, he'll deny it forever. His brothers will plan a movie night that will inevitably end up in a turtle-pile (except for D, because "someone has to make sure you idiots don't knock over the popcorn").

Donatello:

Poor vision (duh). Degeneration from working in less-than-optimal lighting conditions and staring at screens for hours on end.

Hypermobility. He grew the fastest and the tallest of his brothers, which caused extreme hypermobility. His height, weight, and the addition of hundreds of pounds of gear means he's always in danger of dislocation. He wraps his joints tightly and meticulously before heading out, and wears flexible leg braces under his pants that he designed himself.

AuDHD as FUCK. Doesn't like to be touched, other than by his person, and even then only when he's expecting it. Has safe foods and will go without eating for days if they run out, but will completely forget to mention it to whoever is sending the grocery list to April. He's passed out more than once. Hyperfocus is an issue and the rage is real. His brothers have to sometimes force him out of the lab to eat or sleep. He can be very efficiently cruel when interrupted.

Michaelangelo:

Chronic Depression. Covers it well with being the "party guy," but once everyone else goes to bed, the smile fades. More than once he's had to drink or smoke himself to sleep. Cabin fever makes it worse. His brothers know it's getting really bad when he starts taking shots at himself, and plan something fun to do to get him out of the lair.

Cold intolerance. He's more sensitive to temperature than his brothers, and, being a reptile, hypothermia is a real concern. Keeps a (very stylish, tyvm) jacket or hoodie on him at all times, usually tied (very stylishly) around his (very stylish) waist. He forgot one night and almost fell off a building when he passed out. Since then, Donnie always carries a (not as stylish) spare.

Leonardo:

Migraines. Sudden and powerful. He knows that once he starts seeing auras he has about 15 minutes before they hit. Peace, quiet, and dim candlelit rooms are his best friend. Blue light makes them worse, so he tries to avoid Donnie's lab when he can. Nothing really helps, so mind-over-matter is really his only option, especially if they're in the middle of patrol.

OCD and it's a problem. NO ONE is allowed in his room. Everything has a place and everything is IN it's place and that is where it will STAY. Has daily rituals that must be adhered to or his anxiety his the roof. His anxiety exhibits as toxic control and the others know when he's in a bad place because he can be a REAL dick. Meditation is the only thing that really helps.

Everyone:

Lactose Intolerance. All are allergic to dairy, Mikey doesn't care. Everyone else does.

MBD. The lack of UV light means they're at risk for Metabolic Bone Disease. They take calcium and phosphorus supplements that Donnie mixes up for them

Hypothermia. While Mikey is the most at risk, hypothermia is a problem for all of them, especially in the colder months. Donnie invented a device that distributes heat across the inside of their shells after a near-fatal outing during a blizzard, but they still bundle up to keep the heat in.

Dehydration. As semi aquatic reptiles living on land, humidity levels are important. During the summer it's usually not an issue, but during the winter months Splinter is constantly reminding them to drink water, and they all have their own water bottles. Mikey's has stickers.

Shedding/Skin issues. Shedding is

U N C O M F O R T A B L E

They only shed their scutes once a year (and thankfully not at the same time), but they would rather land shell-first in an ant hill. For 2-3 weeks the unlucky one has a basically non-existent fuse, and more than once when they were younger the frustration and discomfort brought them to tears. Occasionally, it still does. Loading up on Vitamin E and keeping things a little more humid in the lair helps things move faster. They also have sensitive skin. The water at the lair is all UV filtered, but when they have to grab a quick shower at April and Casey's they're itchy for days.

.....

If you want to hear more HCs or anything that lmk! Love you! 💚

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #TMNT Donatello #TMNT Leonardo #TMNT Michelangelo #TMNT Raphael

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writers-potion · 10 months ago

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i was wondering if you could give some points and tips on writing about a character who is suffering from DRUG ABUSE

Writing A Drug Addict Character

Know Your Drugs

Was the drug invented? A scene using insulin set in 1820 is problematic since this treatment wasn’t discovered until the 1900s. Fentanyl shouldn’t be used in a 1930s scene since it wasn’t available for use until the 1960s—opium or morphine would be more accurate choices.

Was the method invented? Since insulin must be given as a shot, that scene is even less authentic as the hypodermic needle wasn’t invented until the mid-1800s. Older historical fiction could involve the use of poultices and mustard packs, while skin drug patches (transdermal patches) are only appropriate in more modern scenes.

The most common drugs abused by gangs are: Marijuana, Methamphetamine, Heroin, Cocaine

Or, it can be prescription drugs

Although many medications can be abused, the following three classes are most commonly abused:

Opioids—usually prescribed to treat pain;

Central nervous system (CNS) depressants—used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders; and

Stimulants—most often prescribed to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). (common example? caffeine)

Write In Stages

Stage 1: First Use

Some people use a substance for the first time out of curiosity, while others use substances due to peer pressure. People may also be prescribed medication, such as opioids, by their doctor. Individuals may view their first use as a one-time occurrence, but this opens the door for future use. Some people try a substance one time and never use it again.

You character will feel:

Angry and/or desperate

Miserable

Lonely

Trying to run away from a certain problem

Persuaded into doing drug

Guilty

Stage 2: Regular Use

If a person uses a substance and enjoys how it makes them feel or believes it will improve their life, they may start to use the substance regularly. They may use drugs or drink alcohol on the weekends while at parties or hanging out with friends. Occasional use may become a regular occurrence. It might become a part of a person’s routine.

Your character:

Will start getting in careless activities while doing drugs

Will probably be violent

Won’t think he has any issue whatsoever and shrug it off

Start associating themselves with harder drug users

Have a false sense of security that they’re able to quit whenever they want.

Stage 3: Risky Use

The next stage after regular use is risky use. A person will continue to use a substance despite the physical, mental, legal or social consequences. Their use likely started as a way to escape or have fun with peers but has now taken priority over other aspects of their life.

Your Character will feel:

uncomfortable around family members/friends who start to notice

Exhibit more reckless behavior

Driving under influence, stealing money to finance substance use, etc.

Underperforming at work or school

Experience tension in personal relationships

Stage 4: Dependence

The next stage is a physical, mental and emotional reliance on the substance. The individual is no longer using the substance for medical or recreational purposes. When a person doesn’t use the substance, their body will exhibit withdrawal symptoms, such as tremors, headaches, nausea, anxiety and muscle cramps.

Your Chracter Will:

Develop a sort of rountine/typical place where they abuse

Believe that the substance is essential for survival

Use substance even when it's unnecessary

Stage 5: Substance Use Disorder

While some people use dependency and substance use disorder interchangeably, they’re very different. Once a person develops a substance use disorder, substance misuse becomes a compulsion rather than a conscious choice. They’ll also experience severe physical and mental side effects, depending on the substance they’re using.

Your Character:

Has noe developed a chronic disease with the risk of relapse

Is now incapable of quitting on their own

Feel like life is impossible to deal with without the substance.

Lose their job, fail out of school, become isolated from friends and family or give up their passions or hobbies.

Research the Trends

Medical knowledge changes over time and with it the drugs prescribed. This then impacts the type of prescription drugs available on the streets.

late 1800s: chloral hydrate used for anxiety and insomnia > bromides > 1920s: barbiturates, barbital > benzodiazepines ("benzos") > early 2000s: opiod drugs > opiod drug bans led to growth of black markets: ilicit fentanyl > and so on...

Different countries/locations will have varying trends of drug abuse (depending on laws, availability, costs, etc.)

Research the Slag

look for "[drug name] trip report" on YouTube, etc. to get first-hand accounts of how drug addicts behave.

The main focus should always be to use the words your characters would use in ways that suit the world you have created.

The slang for certain drugs is a difficult vocabulary to maintain as it is ever-changing and varies based on country, region, town, even by streets. Some writers use what they know or have heard locally, others invent their own.

Resources

FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social networking groups focusing on related specialty writing topics, such as trauma or emergency medicine

Newspaper articles and medical journals are great places to find real cases.

The US national poison center

Helpful Vocab:

Addled - sense of confusion + complete lack of mental awareness

Crazed - emotional anguish experienced by the addict

Desperate

Despondent

Erratic

Fidgety

Hopeless

Impressionable

Struggling

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bekolxeram · 29 days ago

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Unfortunately, I don't have the means to donate this time, (Stupid expensive health issues🙄) but I'd still like to express my gratitude to Bucktommy and this fandom for the occasion.

Not that my life has ever been sunshine and rainbows, but 2024 has been particularly difficult for me. I started the year the sickest I've been for years, then one of my uncles passed away in February. He was 88. He had been slowly succumbing to dementia for quite some time, so almost everyone agreed a cardiac arrest was a blessing in disguise.

I wasn't close with him, but my mother was, and naturally, I had to spend pretty much the entire March accompanying her to all sorts of traditional ceremonies for the dead. All my uncle's children, my cousins, came back from abroad as well. They enjoyed hanging out with me back when I was a toddler, but then I slowly grew up into this weird, moody kid of few words, and we kind of drifted apart from there.

Family reunions were never awkward despite my gloomy existence though, they had their fun aunt who never ran out of things to talk about. To them, my mother's the life of the party and an exemplary woman, who went through tragedies in life but still manages to come out stronger on the other side, who unfortunately had to re-enter the workforce later in life to support her physically ill husband and her mentally ill teenage daughter.

What they don't know, is that while she's a fun aunt, she's not a fun mother. She was dealing with the stress and frustration so well because she always had an outlet at home. Someone she had total ownership over, officialized by a piece of birth certificate. Someone she could do whatever she'd like to, emotionally and physically, because in my culture, it's simply an alternative, maybe outdated method of parenting, not a crime.

I've had time to process my messy relationship with my mother, I've come to (mostly) accept it for what it is. Watching my cousins all rushing over to my mother with open arms to console her, watching my cousins' children playing around, having fun with her, while my existence was barely acknowledged, was actually more triggering than I expected. It acted as a sobering reminding that not only do I have merely a handful of friends since I left church, I in fact don't have any family left either. They're all my mother's family, not mine.

It was probably the most lonely and isolating experience in my life. It's like I was trapped inside of my head, my head that was gradually turning into a bottomless pit of nothingness.

Then Tommy Kinard drove through cross town traffic just to clear the air in person. He expressed how much he wanted to be a part of a family. Then he took his shot and got the boy in the end.

I just felt... understood. Watching Bucktommy's story play out on screen gave me some rare moments of joy and much needed hope. I felt like if Tommy could find happiness later in life, maybe it wasn't too late for me either.

If you've had experience with depression, you'd know how sometimes getting out of bed, brushing your teeth feels like an uphill battle already. Motivation is precious and hard to come by. I was so motivated creatively by Bucktommy and people in the fandom who resonated with the story just like me, that I wrote series of posts analyzing every scene in S7, I learned how to make gifs to illustrate the humor I found in all of us, I figured out how to edit video especially for my vision of a Brad-nado, I even wrote and posted my first fanfic ever.

And I just love how we refuse to give up hope, even after the breakup. We cried, we whined, then we doubled our effort writing fix-it fics, continuing their story on our own terms. Now, we even manage to raise thousands of dollars for charities in 24 hours in the name of love.

Sorry for the wall of text all about myself, I hope I don't come across as a self-absorbed jerk. I always thought I would never make it to 30, it started feeling like a real possibility in March. What happened instead was that my 30th birthday came and go because I was too busy screaming about Buck batting his eyelashes at Tommy when he was receiving a medal.

I'm sitting here, typing this out, looking back at my 2024 at the end of the year, only because Bucktommy happened and I had the pleasure to cross path with you all. I know, it's stupid, it's just a TV show, but I can't really imagine how my life would turn out if I never had Bucktommy, where I would be right, or even if I would still be at all.

So, thank you, for making life worth living for me again.

#alliwantforchristmasislou #bucktommy #tw: child abuse #tw: mental health #tw: death

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moonspirit · 1 month ago

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Jealous aruani are fun and all, but...what if it's their friend that's the reason for the jealousy??? No love triangles.

Annie suddenly feels a twinge of irritation when she sees Pieck say something to Armin and they laugh together. Or maybe Armin overhears gossip about how Annie Leonhart and Connie Springer look so cute together. The next time he sees Connie, his stomach twists. And it's terrible!

Considering how Armin and Annie both have self-esteem issues...well, I can see how that could happen. Irritation, doubt, jealousy, and self-loathing for feeling that way about a friend. it's just painful, stupid and awkward. I have no idea how they will solve this😗

Hello jealousy anon! As promised, and thank you for the ask, it made me laugh xD

Because of-fucking-course there's nobody more capable of causing problems for Aruani off more than their very own family xD If you ask me, outsiders don't have the type of talent the other four have in creating misunderstandings and unnecessary chaos xD Plot-required-3rd-party-love-interest who? Move over, here's Connie the Springer man!

At first it's all quite unintentional. Connie spends time with Annie because Circumstances and Coincidence and hardly notices Armin's watery puppy eyes gazing at him from a depressing corner. It's not like Armin ever says anything out loud either because of course, he's happy! He's happy Annie has a silly friend that makes her laugh and forget that she's awkward and possibly frightening around people. He's glad Connie comes prepackaged with a whole lot of shitty jokes that happen to tickle her. He's really fucking glad Connie treats Annie like he treats everyone else!

But. Connie can also... dance. Really well. Like the guy's got those moves and can easily take Annie for a nice spin. He also... makes her laugh, like... a lot? A lot lot? Hm.. has Annie ever laughed like that with me? Uh... yeah, nevermind that, um- oh god, Connie's been looking pretty nice lately in those suits and he's rather good with the whole easy-fashion thing and uh- well shit, it's Connie, he's my friend, he's not- no, I mean, that photo in the newspapers was just an accidental shot, of course Annie was just laughing at his bad joke but well... she did look really happy with him and, oh shit--

Man.

Pieck on the other hand, doesn't fuck with people more than necessary. I don't actually see her getting *too* close with Armin but they do become very good friends! They have a lot in common, (for example music) and vibrate on the same atomic level of "yeah this is wrong and backhanded and probably will get us arrested in 18 countries but lets do it hehe". Hc that they probably get off to a slightly rocky start as Pieck doesn't put much faith in Armin's "naivete" and harbours resentment for his blowing up of Liberio's port, but as time goes by, they grow closer!

Maybe... too much closer for someone's liking 💀

Because okay? Annie gets it, she finds politics too boring and her takes end up being too cynical and skeptical in the room. Technically, she's glad Armin has someone in Pieck who will humour his ideas with a generous (but nice) dash of realism. Also, they enjoy picking out records together and she often finds them nodding their heads to a new tune once home.

She's glad, okay?

She is, she really is-

*sound of a thigh being stabbed followed by sounds of Reiner screaming*

Pieck is a cheerful girl tho 🥲

On a serious note, both Aruani are going to feel like total crap about this jealousy tho. Because as you said, it's their friends, their literal family who they share a lot of time and space with, and if anything could be clear it's that none of them want to see Aruani unhappy. So its not real, it's not anything to worry about, it's all just in their heads-

And yet.

Tbh the extra funny bit about this is gonna be when Connie and Pieck realize what they're doing to their poor lemonheads xD

"What! We're making you jealous?! wHAaT?? ... Hell YEAH, LET'S TURN IT UP!"

🥲🥲🥲🥲

I mean what else did you expect lol, Pieck and Connie are that duo who are going to derive more entertainment from their very own organic, homegrown family-drama than the moving pictures being shown in the town-square.

Suddenly it's all: "HEHE Armin, I bought Annie CAKES, see? FIVE Cakes! FiVE delICIOUS cakes and *I* am going to give it to her! Me!"

and: "Annniieeeeeeee~~ Oh no, why the long face this morning? Btw did you know Armin wants kids? Like a lot of kids? He told me- oh, he didn't tell you? Hehe I thought you'd be the first to know hehehehehe"

Their approaches to fanning this dumpster fire are different 😌

Their solution when things get too Sad?? Lock Aruani up in a room. Always ends well.

#that's not to say Jean and Reiner don't end up pouring fuel on the fire #tho in their cases it's more unwittingly than otherwise #aruani #headcanon #armin arlert #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #annie leonhart #snk #aot #aruannie #armin x annie

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maybege · 1 year ago

Text

Pleasure

Summary: You get dared by your old school friends to ask a stranger to play with your tits.

Pairing: dad’s friend!Boba Fett x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 4.1k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: Modern AU, older man/younger woman, implied age gap, alcohol consumption, sex with strangers, coming untouched, semi-public intimacy, dom!Boba, sub!Reader, nipple play, dirty talk, little bit of humiliation, Reader is not described but it is mentioned that she does not wear a bra at some point

Alrighty, alrighty. Okay, alright. Are we ready? Like are we really, truly, ready for this? This is obviously set in the dad’s friend!Boba AU which is more of a sandbox AU for me to play in. This is their first meeting (obv) and it is based on another idea I had and I thought it would fit perfectly. Please do let me know what you think and if you like it and if so, what you liked and all that good stuff! Maybe I will write another part or another story set in this AU.

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

A year ago, you had never thought you would drown your sorrows at a house party of a person whose name you did not even know in the town you had grown up in with people you had not seen since high school. But here you were, drowning out your disappointment, your sadness and your frustration by the way of loud techno beats and unnaturally coloured alcohol.

“All right,” Marissa passed the hot pink shots she had gotten to you and Chants, though her eyes did not leave yours, “You want a dare?”

For a second you regretted ever having asked her for a dare (“Something to liven up the party,” you had said half-jokingly after the conversation with your two oldest high school friends had come to an awkwardly silent end) but then you also remembered the fun time you had with them in your childhood bedroom, prank calling the neighbours before playing fuck marry killer with the seniors at school.

That was an eternity ago now but it had all seemed to light then. Your happiness did not have an expiration date then and the dream to make it out of your small town by the lake and into the big cities of the opposite coast had kept you company every night.

You hadn’t known yet that your dream would fail.

“Ask any random person here to play with your tits.”

Her voice pulled you out of your thoughts and your face must have shown your shock at the task because her pink-coloured lips (a perfect match to her equally pink hair) pulled up in a mischievous grin. Marissa always had been the joker of your group, you should have known better than to think that the years would have changed anything about that.

“Marissa!” Chants gasped, “You can’t do that!”

“Oh, calm down,” she waved him off, “It’s not like she has to do it. But we're in a house full of strangers and stars know it's been ages since you got laid” – you hated how right she was about that – “So let’s not pretend like I'm not doing you a favour.”

“I’ll do it,” you heard yourself say, steel in your voice as you threw back the sickly sweet drink. There was nothing worse than the artificial strawberry flavour.

“It’s not like I know anyone here anyway,” you stated, looking around the giant living room you were standing in. The villa (because there was no other word to describe the building you were in) was absolutely packed with what seemed to be the entire party population of your town and the few surrounding beach towns as well. It was all stark white walls and cement floors and floor-length windows and furniture that looked more like art than actually something to sit on. Only the colourful lights and (several) mirror balls hued the entire space in ever-changing colours.

No wonder whoever lived here threw all these parties. The place must seem pretty depressing otherwise.

With encouraging whoop whoop!s and You can do it!s you left Marissa and Chants behind and wandered through the dancing, yelling, drinking crowd that took up the entire ground floor. Until you spotted a figure leaning against one of the doorways to the stairway.

Your feet changed your course until you stood in front of him. He was older than you, though certainly not the oldest guest in attendance. (That would be Chants’ 94-year-old grandmother who had a reputation for attending the best raves in the province.)

But what struck you most was how unbothered he looked. How in control. He was dressed in dark pants and a black button-up, his sleeves were rolled up too, revealing strong veiny forearms that had your eyes lingering longer than they should have. He held a glass in his hand and when his eyes landed on you, making your way towards him, you imagined that his grip twitched just the slightest bit.

“Hi,” you said when you finally stood in front of him.

The main raised his eyebrows, “You lost there?”

You pressed your shoulders back, “No. You are the one

His lips lifted in a smirk and it took our breath away for a moment, how handsome he was, and your courage faltered. But you

“My friend dared me to ask someone to play with my tits.”

If your words caught him off guard, the man did not show it.

“So?” he smiled before taking a sip from the amber liquid, “That wasn’t a question.”

Was he really going to make you say it? Your ears burned with shame and something else as you looked at him. But he simply cocked his head as if to say I am waiting. And you somehow found that this was not a man you wanted to leave waiting.

Taking a deep breath, you asked, “Will you play with my tits?”

“No,” he said easily and finished his drink, “Congratulations, your dare is fulfilled.”

He turned to leave and you surprised yourself when your hand landed on his thick arm. He froze, as did you, and when his eyes met yours, it felt like a switch flipped in your head.

“No, wait, I –“ you paused, “I actually want it.”

His body faced yours again and stars was he broad as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. Stars what are you doing, trying to convince a man to touch you.”

“Ask me again, then, little one,” he rumbled and the pet name had your belly fluttering. Though maybe it was not your belly, maybe it was something else …

“Will you play with my tits, please?” you added the last word quietly, your pulse thrumming as you avoided his eyes. The bass reverberated in your chest and you tried to even out your breathing. This was fine. Everything was fine.

For the first time since you started talking, his eyes left your face and roamed down your body. Over your tight jeans and the loose but not quite opaque top you had chosen to wear. You found yourself wanting to impress him, wanting to please him and you were almost completely sure he would reject you again when he opened his mouth.

“You really want that?”

You nodded, too shy, too embarrassed to say anything more. It had been ages since you had been touched and something about the way he held himself made you feel like he knew how to touch you.

“Good,” he rumbled, his voice dropping even lower and causing a shiver of anticipation down your spine. You watched as he set his glass down on the side table, “But not here out in the open.”

“No,” you shook your head, agreeing with him, though you were a little scared to admit that you would have let him. You would have let him pull you into a corner somewhere and strip you down to nothing and do anything he wanted to you. You would have let him expose you however he saw fit.

Stars, I really need to get laid.

The man brought his hand around you, settling it on your lower back as he led you away from the improvised dance floor. There were throngs of people everywhere but they grew sparser the higher up the stairs he led you. Until you arrived in a hallway that was completely abandoned save for a couple that seemed too busy to make out to notice you. And then he continues, leading you around a corner and suddenly you were alone and the lights were dim and the music only a muted sound in the background.

“Do you live here?” you asked, nervously looking around. What if someone caught you?

“No,” he said, his voice calm as his hand landed on your hip, “but I know the owner. No one will disturb us here.”

You nodded and took another deep breath. That sounded good. That sounded safe.

“Do you still want this?

It but you were grateful. You nodded, your heart racing. And your pussy too.

“I need to hear words, little one,” he said with a crooked smile, still not touching you save for the hand on your hip that seemed to burn through the layers of clothes.

“Yes, I still want this.”

“Want what?”

Oh, now he was just teasing you!

“I want you to play with my tits, please.”

Shame and arousal had your cheeks burning but it was worth it when he hummed, his hand inching under the hem of your shirt. “Good girl.”

Oh.

Oh, that was new. That was lovely. That was something that had your eyes flutter and your pussy get surprisingly wet.

“You liked that,” he grunted, “You like praise.”

It was not a question and so you did not answer. The wet patch in your panties that grew by the second was answer enough. Though you could not shake the feeling that he liked you liking praise. Which made it all the better.

“Lift your shirt for me,” he instructed, tongue running over his lips, “You wear a bra?”

You nodded, your hands trembling as you lifted the soft fabric of your favourite going-out blouse. It was black and just the lightest bit sheer and breezy which made it the perfect sexy thing to wear in the warmer temperatures. The air wasn’t cold – it was the height of summer after all – but your nipples pebbled, still, beneath the lace of your bra.

Big hands reached for your tits, cupping them in his palms before lightly squeezing. His touches were softer, first, before they grew firm and had you squirming against the wall. Your breath got quicker already as you thought about the fact that you did not even know this man and he had you half-naked in the corridor of another stranger’s home.

A year ago, you never would have done something like that.

“Wh-What are you doing?” you whined when he still only squeezed your tits, his fingers gently digging into the soft flesh, “Why aren’t you touching me?”

“You asked me to play with your tits,” he replied steadily, his thumb rubbing over the lace that covered your nipple, “That is exactly what I am doing. Playing with your pretty tits.”

“Don’t you want me to take off my shirt?” you asked, confusion clear in your voice as you tried to shift your hands over your shoulders.

“Nah, little one,” he shook his head, a smile on his lips that made your breath hitch, “You are going to hold up your shirt for me. You want me to play with your tits, you got to do something for that, right?”

You nodded, chest heaving as you leaned your head back against the wall. “Right.”

The older man continued his ministrations, gently massaging your tits, pushing and pulling, making them bounce, teasing your nipples through the lace with the pads of his thumbs or his blunt fingernails. You had never been this turned on in your life.

His finger teased under the scalloped edge of your bra, the touch of his bare skin on yours driving you insane.

When he finally pulled down the cups of your bra, baring you to his eyes, you could have wept from relief. “Arch your back for me,” he murmured, sounding so focused and so in control. You did, doing your best to get your chest closer to his hands.

There was no shame now, now apprehension about what you were doing. This man seemed to know exactly what he was doing and you could not help but trust him.

“You have beautiful tits, you know that?” he asked casually as his fingers rolled your nipples, sending little pangs of pleasure through your entire body, “When was the last time somebody properly paid attention to you, hm?”

Too long ago.

And that was what you told him but he pulled your nipples sharply, “Specifics,” he instructed you lowly as you tried to keep your knees from buckling at the sheer sensation this man caused in you.

“Few – few months,” you tried to think feverishly, “Se-seven months. No, nine months.”

“Nine months,” he tsked, his thumb flicking over your pebbled nipple, “What a shame. What a waste. You deserve to have

Not knowing what to say to that, you simply leant into his touch. He expertly rolled your nipple between his thumb and forefinger before pulling on it ever so slightly, making you whimper. The mix of gentle and rough had you dizzy and wet and you swore none of your eyes had ever made you feel this way.

Stars you did not even know you could feel this way.

“Can I use my mouth on you?” he asked.

Your eyes flew open and you looked at him in surprise. But the older man simply returned your gaze, never pausing in his ministrations and he seemed serious in his questions. He really wanted to touch you more.

“Yes, please,” you nodded feebly, as if the way you were melting in his hands was not answer enough.

“Good girl,” he praised you again, a smirk on his face, “So polite.”

You squirmed, pressing your thighs together to get some sort of friction to your aching clit. He lowered his head to your chest, his warm breath washing over your skin and you whined, needing him more and more. But he did not let himself be rushed, no. His finger pulled on your nipple again until your whine turned into a gasp. Only then did he let you go and carefully closed his mouth around you. He sucked on you, ever so gently, with just a hint of teeth scraping over the sensitive flesh and you swore your vision went white for just a moment.

He must have noticed the way your entire body spasmed just for him because he pulled away, a glint in his eyes that told you he was far from done with you.

“I wonder if I can make you come just from this,” he murmured against your chest, “Just playing with you until your gorgeous pussy drips all on her own,” he lightly sucked on your nipple, “You want me to try?”

Speaking seemed like the last thing you would be capable of so you nodded, your heavy breaths echoing in the dark hallway.

“Answer me with words, little one,” he admonished you, pinching your nipple tightly and another wave of wetness rushed down your legs. You wouldn’t be able to sit down anywhere today without leaving a wet patch, that was for sure.

“Yes,” you gasped out, “Please make me come.”

“With pleasure,” he grinned, “You just lean back and keep holding up your shirt for me, yeah? I will take care of the rest.”

And he did. He licked and sucked and pinched until you were a dripping, moaning mess. Your hips had a mind of their own as you started to move against him, trying to grind against the considerable bulge in his pants that had your mouth watering, but his hand was strong on your hip, pinning you back against the wall.

“You are going to come only from this,” he instructed darkly and you nodded. The yes sir almost slipping out of you. You felt like you were on cloud nine, floating above everyone and everything. The dim light, the loud bass that echoed throughout the house, hell, even the sound of partying people two stories below – it all added to the thrill of this stranger sucking on your tit while rolling your other nipple between his fingers.

It felt like you could not breathe, like your whole body was pulled taut with pleasure and he was the only one who could release you. Who could give you release.

“You are such a good girl for me,” he grunted in your ear, “I wish you could see yourself. Absolutely depraved right now. Presenting your tits for a man you don’t know anything about except that he is the one that is going to make you come.”

“I know you would have let me do this downstairs, too,” he added, “But here's the thing: I don’t share. And I don’t think any of these boys even deserve the sight of your pretty tits like this, now, do they?”

You shook your head. “Only you,” you mumbled feverishly, your fingers tightening their grip on the fabric, “Only you, sir.”

His groan was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. “That’s right,” he pressed a hard kiss against your neck, “Only I see you like this. Only I get to see how pretty you look when you come from this.”

For a moment, you debated telling him that you did not think you would come. That you were so turned on – more than ever before – and that what he did felt great but you were not sure if it would actually make you come. But then he bit down on your nipple and pulled the other one and your whole world reeled.

You came. You actually came.

And you did not stop coming for what felt like a solid two minutes. You were shaking, gasping, and at some point, you must have let go of your shirt because you were gripping his broad shoulders with all of your might as if they anchored you to gravity.

“Holy shit,” you brought out when you finally regained control of everything, “Holy fucking shit.”

The stranger had let go of your tits. Instead, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug. Strange enough, this felt way more intimate than what you had done before but you could not bring yourself to worry. Not when he smelled so good and the post-orgasm fatigue set in.

“Good fucking girl,” he praised you, his eyes soft and warm as he looked you over, “Are you feeling okay?”

You nodded weakly and he pressed a kiss to your cheek before pulling away. You were still completely out of breath and your pussy pulsed when you saw him adjusting himself in his slacks. You wanted to touch him.

You wanted to be touched by him.

But you were scared, too. Shocked, mostly. At what you had just done. Had you really let a stranger just make you come in a house full of people?

“Let's get you some water,” he murmured as he helped you straighten out your clothes, “And then off to your friends you go.”

You nodded numbly, legs shaking and still unsteady on your feet. But he helped you, one hand on your lower back and the other supporting your arm as you made your way down the stairs. The louder the music got, the more you felt like you had just returned to reality from some sort of dream. Some perfect, delicious, very hot dream.

Returning to the living room turned dance floor, neither of you spoke and you simply accepted the glass of cool water he got you. “Drink it,” he instructed you softly, “And make sure you get home safe tonight.”

When you found Marissa and Chants again, you were still torn between pure shock at what you had just done and grief at not having asked him for his name.

Your nipples were sore the next day but you still would have done anything to have that man play with you again. Maybe you could have asked him to spend the night at his place, letting him fuck you seven ways ‘till Sunday. If he had made you come this hard just from playing with your chest, you wanted to find out what he could do if he had you all to himself for a whole night.

Still, you stayed in bed until well past noon, trying to avoid the reality that had seemed to be suspended for just a moment last night.

It was unlike you and, to be honest, you were a little scared of your forwardness. Of your courage. But it had been rewarded in the best ways and finally, it felt like maybe you really could start fresh. Like maybe this was the moment you needed to gain back the trust in yourself.

You could do things!

You did not have to have everything figured out right now, you just needed the courage to somehow move forward.

And if you could ask a stranger for intimacy at a party, then moving forward seemed like no effort at all.

You skipped a bra, not wanting to subject your chest to more sensation than necessary, and instead opted for a long flowy summer dress and a light cardigan over top. It would give you some coverage, still, so it would not be awkward for your sister’s fiancée to face you.

Looking in the mirror, you felt like your new self. Like maybe you had needed yesterday to get back some of your courage, some of the spirit that had made the past year so fun before everything had just crumbled around you.

“Oh honey, there you are,” your mother greeted you as you came down the stairs, “You came home late last night. Was it a good party, then?”

You knew she was worried and you knew she tried her best to give you the privacy you needed. After all, you weren’t a child anymore. You were a grown woman who had to move back to her parents across the country after losing her job. It was an unfamiliar situation for you all and you appreciated her effort at making you feel like a roommate more than a child.

“It was,” you replied, grabbing a slice of fruit, “It was nice seeing some people from school again. It is like nothing changed.”

“Oh, you and your change,” she tutted good-naturedly, swatting your hand away as you reached for another slice of orange, “That’s for after lunch. It's almost ready.”

You glanced at the clock. “That’s early.”

“Your father has some friends over,” she explained, “From work. They’re going golfing this afternoon so I thought that is the perfect opportunity for an early lunch.”

Thank the stars for your father and his friends because you were starving.

“Go and say hi, honey,” she shooed you out of the kitchen and you smiled, your bare feet hitting the cold tiles of the hallway, “And you can tell them to set the table.”

You found your dad and his friends on the patio, soaking up the warm summer air.

“There you are, hon,” he greeted you with a smile and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Hi, dad. Mom says lunch’s almost ready.”

“Ah,” he slapped his palms on his thighs before standing up, “You know what that means, boys! Time to set the table.”

One of your dad’s friends stood up. George, you remembered. He had lived down the street ever since you could remember and his kids were good friends with your sister. “It's been ages,” he said, a genuine smile on his face. “Look at how you’ve grown!”

You were pretty sure you hadn’t changed that much since graduating college but you were not about to correct him. He meant well, you knew.

Your father paused, “Oh I am sorry. Everyone, this is my eldest daughter, fresh back from the other end of the world.”

You rolled your eyes. “Not the end of the world,” you corrected him gently, “Just the other side of the country.”

And what wouldn’t you give to be back there right now.

The men all chuckled and you paused when you heard a familiar voice. You ran your eyes over the mostly familiar faces, faces you had known since childhood or at least from the pictures your parents posted regularly on Facebook. Faintly you could hear your dad introduce them all again – George from accounting, of course, then there was Paul and Obi-Wan and James (an absolute perv as you and your sister had determined years ago) and not to forget Bail Organa.

But it was the newest face, the face that was supposed to be unfamiliar, that made your heart freeze for a scary few seconds before it started racing so fast you thought you might throw up.

“Boba Fett,” he said, holding out an all too familiar hand. A hand that had spent considerable time playing with your tits just last night.

“Boba is the CFO after the merger,” your dad introduced the man, “Recently moved here from – where was it again, Boba?”

“Tatooine,” he replied without taking his eyes off you.

“Pleasure to meet you,” you heard yourself say, his hand closing around yours. His grip was gentle but firm. And warm. You could feel the callouses on his fingertips, the ones that had made him playing with you so fucking delicious. Your nipples hardened under the soft fabric of your dress and you prayed that he did not notice.

“Believe me,” he smiled, though his eyes said so much more than the usual pleasantries when they fell to your chest for a fraction of a second, “The pleasure is all mine.”

#maybege writes #boba fett x reader #boba fett x fem!reader #smut

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donkey-hyuck · 1 year ago

Text

¡MASTERLIST!

WORD COUNT - 10.146

GENRE - angst haha | fluff | established relationship!au | CEO!au | slowburn?

CHARACTERS/PAIRING - CEO!jaehyun x orphanage caregiver!fem!reader | nct/wayv

INTRODUCTION - getting into a relationship when you were at the lowest point of your life dragged you down to the bottom. but it dragged the ones you loved as well.

TAGLIST - @xxvaelinxx @bbhmystar @actuallynarii @gfksz @jenosbliss

A/N - yikes this one’s a deep one :( the song is track five on the album and track three on the playlist. have fun breaking your hearts :’) (also hi ik it’s been literally centuries but it’s finally here pls don’t kill me (for the rushed end.))

DISCLAIMER - read as you please!! i don’t want to trigger anyone and please lmk if i missed any warnings! i don’t want to be insensitive to anyone's feelings. thank you <3 p.s. this is not proofread and im so sorry for the immense pause.

It wasn’t too far into your relationship when you broke down in front of Jaehyun. You didn’t know why but opening up to him just became natural.

To be fair, you were also a little ways past tipsy.

In fact, you were a bit deep into the soju bottle you had bought while sitting outside of the convenient store when you first met Jeong Jaehyun, himself. Of course, you didn’t know he was the CEO of Jeong Peach Corporation at the time.

Jeong Peach Corporation. A fragrance and personal hygiene corporation company whose audience consists of he’s, she’s, and they’s. The brand as a whole has this certain aesthetic that is appealing to those people. But Mr. Jeong Jaehyun himself also had a certain aesthetic that definitely matched the brand name he built from the ground up. His striking looks and simply the way he carries himself has men and women falling on their knees for him. But it was a little too late for them to capture his heart the way you did.

“Hey you! I can see you looking over here. How ‘bout’chu come over here and I’ll show you a piece of my mind,” you slurred and held up your fist.

He was almost taken aback. Not because he was Jeong Jaehyun and you had the audacity to speak to him like that (again he carries himself in such a humble way that that would never be the option), but he was simply minding his business, walking to his car until he heard the sound of your drunk voice. He was definitely not expecting a drunk voice while he was ready to go home right around midnight.

He chuckled to himself, too amused at the mere thought of you. But it was midnight and this was the darkest the sky was going to get. It was dangerous for you— for anyone— to be out this late, by themselves, downing a bottle of soju. Well, two and a half bottles of the infamous alcoholic drink.

“Who are you? And why are you out here so late? Drunk?” He laughed, tucking his phone into his pocket, slyly grabbing a chair and sitting by you.

“Suffering. It’s tough out here,” you took another shot.

“Hello, suffering. Why are you out drinking soju so late?” He teased. It was easy to get along with you it seemed, the alcohol brought out the extrovert in you.

“Hey! My name is Y/n. Not suffering…. I’m just saying I’m suffering because,” you paused. And he subtly leaned closer to you, wanting to hear the reason why you’re here by yourself, downing the whole damn bottle.

“…. Just because, okay. Now can you please go so I can drown my own sorrows by myself? I don’t need another pity party,” you sobered up for a moment, then went back to pour yourself another shot.

But before you could take the shot, Jaehyun grabbed it from your loopy hands and took the shot instead.

“Hey! You don’t just take someone else's alcohol! That was the last shot too! Now I have to go buy another bottle!” You pushed yourself up from your seat only to be met with the hard concrete ground.

“You shouldn’t be out here this late, miss Y/n,” he said, his voice laid with concern.

“Who are you to tell me that? I don’t even know who you are,” you pouted, still sitting on the ground. He sighed to himself, showcasing his deep dimples, and got up from his chair to help you up. He was going to try and take you home.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?!” He wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you up.

“Stranger danger! Stranger danger! This man is trying to kidnap me!” You yelled out. Of course, no one would really hear you. Besides Bong Cha— who was a goodie-two-shoes for Jeong Jaehyun and Jeong Jaehyun only— who walked out of the company right after her boss had. She saw the whole thing go down.

“Stop it! I’m trying to help you!” He struggled, since you were kicking and flailing your arms around in order to prevent him from taking you.

“Help me, my ass. What do you want from me? Taking advantage of a poor, drunk, girl just trying to get in my pants? Get off me fucking psycho. My car is the other way,” you kicked some more. And he gave up, placing you on the ground once more.

“Please, Y/n, you have to work with me here. I just don’t want you staying out late. Who knows? You could actually get kidnapped if I don’t help you.”

“How can I trust you? I don’t even know your name. You may be handsome but it’s always the hot ones that are fucked up. More fucked up than me!” You exclaimed.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Maybe he should have just left you at the seven-eleven. But Jaehyun just sat on the ground next to you, a good distance away and observed your ridiculous, drunk, figure.

“I’m Jeong Jaehyun,” he started, “now can you please cooperate with me? I’m trying to help you, here.”

You looked up and squinted your puffy eyes at him. “In your damn dreams, you’re Jeong Jaehyun. Like I’d believe that. I may be drunk but I’m not fucken delusional.” Oh, but you were delusional.

You slowly raised from your seat on the ground and walked your way back to your car, which wasn’t actually where you parked it. The man followed you— sorta like a creep— just to make sure you were safe. But on the way to your car (which was not the right way at all), you bumped into Kim Bong Cha herself.

She hadn’t seen her boss behind you because it was a little too dark but she lashed out at you anyway, “Hey! Watch where you’re going dumb bitch.” You were about to pounce on her until he caught you before you had the chance.

“Let me go! Let me at her!”

The girl was shocked to still see her boss shielding her from you. And she felt embarrassed to let him hear the rude words come out of her mouth. Karma’s a bitch.

“I’m sorry, Bong Cha. Please, go home. And don’t discuss this to anyone. I’m just trying to help her,” he explained to his secretary. Ah, so she was his secretary. That makes a lot of fucking sense.

Quietly, she speed-walked to her car leaving the two of you alone again.

“Why didn’t you let me at her? She was being a rude asshole.”

“Y/n. She’s my secretary. And she’s always been like that. But don’t worry about her, okay. Please just let me help you,” he begged. It was too late for him to just leave you on the road.

You sighed, the dizziness was now getting to you.

“Fine. I need to get to my car, though,” you pushed him off of you.

“I don’t think you’re capable of driving right now,” he retorted.

“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?”

And that was how you ended up sitting in the passenger seat of Jaehyun’s luxury car (the one he drove that day was his Aston Martin DB11.)

That was how you first met Jeong Jaehyun.

So much for first impressions.

—

When you woke up the next morning (with a massive headache), you found the CEO asleep on your couch. All in your shitty apartment. And when last night's events finally hit, you felt like the biggest asshole on planet Earth.

Jeong Jaehyun was sleeping on your couch. In your shitty apartment that could definitely not even compare to his lavish lifestyle. You felt embarrassed all over again. God, what the fuck were you thinking?

You tried to clean up a bit before you woke him up but nothing would fix the slightly stained walls and the old furniture he was definitely a foe to.

After you cleaned up the place, he still seemed to be fast asleep, so you decided to cook up some type of breakfast for him. The rusty refrigerator only consisted of greens (that were about to go bad), a carton of eggs, and a gallon of water. Sunny side eggs, it is.

This was for sure nothing he was used to. He was a CEO after all. The CEO of one of the most popular global brands, might you add. Which made the whole situation so much more humiliating.

Whilst you were cooking, you looked over your shoulder because of the squeaking of the couch Jaehyun fell asleep on. You wanted to fall off the face of the Earth.

Quickly you set the eggs into a plate and placed them next to his water you had already set on the table in front of him. He had only been awake for five seconds and he was met with the hospitality of you.

“Mr. Jeong Jaehyun,” you started, “or— no, yeah. Mr. Jeong Jaehyun, sir, I’m so incredibly sorry for the inconvenience I left last night. You did not have to take me home. In fact you didn’t have to stay the night, which was kinda stupid on your part, not that I would ever call you stupid, even though I just did but-” he cut you off. You definitely rambled a bit too much.

“It’s okay, Y/n,” he slightly laughed, picking up the chopsticks from the plate and eating the egg.

You sat in front of the table, too defeated to say anything. Too defeated to even look at him— even in the few minutes he had been awake, he was more prestigious than you’ll ever be. You didn’t care about who he was. You really did, of course, but after the whole mess, you didn’t even want to be in his presence anymore.

“Why are you so quiet, angel?” The pet name made you feel even worse. Why was he being so nice?

You gulped and looked at him.

“I’m just- I’m so sorry about last night. I was just-”

“Suffering?” He cut you off once more.

The fact that he answered you and finished your sentence made you want to crawl up in a ball and never come out. Last night definitely placed number one in your list of horrible nights.

“Uhm… yeah, that. But-”

“Why don’t you eat, love?” This was the third time he cut you off and the second time he referred to you as an endearing person. He acted as if he knew you for his entire life.

“I’m uh- it- it’s okay. I’m not really that hungry so,” you trailed off, looking down at your hands while you played with your fingers. Just then, he shoved his chopsticks in your face. A piece of egg sat on it. He motioned for you to eat.

You quickly turned your head and shook it, pushing his hand back, “No!” You cleared your throat, “it’s really alright, Mr. Jeong.” You really don’t know why you called him that but it just came out. It was probably the nervousness.

“Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun… It’s really okay. I mean this is also the least I could do- uhm- especially after last night. Also, my house is a bit of a mess, I'm sorry about that.”

Jaehyun noticed the neighborhood and apartment complex you lived in. Of course, Jaehyun was a nice person so he wasn’t going to comment on it but it was obvious he noticed the living situation you were in. But none of it mattered to him. He just wanted to make sure you got home safely.

“Don’t apologize about that, Y/n. Now eat.”

“I have more eggs in the fridge. I can make my own, don’t worry about it,” you felt your face flush with heat. He caved in and shoved the piece of egg into his mouth, still worried about you.

It was awkward for a long time until he finished his food. You took his plate and cup and put it in the sink.

“I’m sorry. Do you want to wash up? Or maybe-” he laughed.

He had a habit of cutting you off, and you’ve only met this man all of eight hours. Most of those hours you were out cold.

“Stop apologizing, love,” he smiled at you, dimples on full display.

“I’m sorry-” you cut yourself off this time. He laughed again. You were cute.

“I actually need to go to the bathroom. Could you show me where that is?” He asked. You nodded and pointed him down the hall to the left. He quickly thanked you and made his way.

Right when the bathroom door closed, you ran into your bedroom and plopped, face first, into the sheets. How degrading that was.

When Jaehyun was done using the bathroom he got out and called your name which made you scurry out of your room to meet him from behind. You forcefully smiled and waited for what he was going to say.

“Your car is still at the convenience store.” Your fake smile dropped as you scrunched your nose, remembering how he drove you home.

“It’s alright. I’ll walk there later. It’s no problem.”

“But-” this time you were the one to cut him off.

“You’ve already done so much for me. I owe you my life,” you joked.

He playfully scoffed and walked toward you, now directly in front of you,“Just let me drop you off. It’s a far walk.”

“I can Uber or take the bus. Really, everything is okay. I don’t need you to help me anymore. You helped me more than I needed last night and I owe you everything I have.” You were so stubborn. He wouldn’t give up, though.

And there you sat in the same passenger seat as last night.

“I’m going to wash up at my house first. Is that alright?” He looked over to you while at a red light. You had been looking out the window before he said that.

“Of course. Take all the time you need. I’m in no rush.”

—

You underestimated the home Jaehyun lived in. It was pure luxury. Fenced-in house with a security system (that, alone, probably costs more than your apartment), green upkept grass, and a beautiful white exterior and interior that screamed majestic, mature, and regal. It made your home feel like a shit-show. It made you feel completely horrible about yourself.

“Please, come inside,” he opened the passenger side door for you.

Shakily, you unbuckle the seatbelt and exited his car. And he just sweetly smiled at you the entire time. It made you want to cry.

He led you to the front door with his hand hovering the small of your back. You could feel the heat of his hand through your shirt. You took off your shoes and followed him inside.

It was very bright and very aesthetically decorated. With plants (which you weren’t sure were fake or not), paintings that you had never seen before, and knick knacks that seemed too expensive for you to even touch. But he led you past everything in his house and went straight into his bedroom. He had a whole couch and side chairs as well as a fireplace. It was just as grand as the rest of his home.

“Uhm, you can sit on the bed if you’d like. Or the couch, I don’t know. But I'll be done shortly. Please, make yourself comfortable,” he held your arm, informing you. But you were too stunned to speak, so you nodded your head instead.

You sat on the couch, it was a little weird for you to sit on his bed when you barely knew anything about him (and he barely knew anything about you). Plus, you were too busy gawking at his house. And it made you feel self conscious again. It made you feel small; like you didn’t belong. Which you didn’t. So you don’t know why Jaehyun seemed so comfortable with you.

He came out of his bathroom— that was attached to his bedroom— buttoning up his shirt with damp hair. He took as quick of a shower as he could, to not keep you waiting. And through the reflection of the mirror, he could see you with your head facing down again, probably playing with your hands.

“Y/n, love,” he called out. You whipped your head around to his voice, not expecting that to escape his lips.

“Can you please help me button this?” You don’t understand why he called out to you as if you were his lover. Or at least someone he was comfortable with. Couldn’t he see that you were a bit lost?

You sighed to yourself and wiped your palms against your pants, hesitantly walking up to him.

Carefully, you buttoned up the rest of his shirt and looked up at him. He was already staring at you with all the love and adoration in his eyes. Of course, you didn’t realize this at the time. Jaehyun himself didn’t even realize it.

He then handed you his tie, “I hope you can tie a tie?”

You’ve tied many ties in your time of working at the orphanage.

—

Warm Hearts Orphanage held a prolonged special place in your heart. You’d been going to the orphanage as far back as you could remember. The orphanage held children from infants to teens. And everyone there was like family. Even though your little family didn’t have much, it always warmed your hearts to give back to children who were less fortunate than you were. And though you grew up poverty stricken, these children suffered more than you did and all you wanted was to help them.

You’ve seen children come and go, and the thoughts that always come to you is that they lived a happy life. Everyone in the orphanage deserved it. Even the sourest of apples, because all they wanted was to be loved by a family.

That being said, the orphanage always planned surprise parties for those children who had been adopted. It was a nice tradition, and you’ve helped many children get ready to graduate from Warm Hearts into a family that will love them.

—

“I can.”

As you were doing up his tie he slowly raised a hand to pat down your hair. The action made you pause your movements. Then, you realized everything that was going on was completely wrong and inappropriate, so you quickly finished doing his tie and took a step back. Your heart fell to your ass.

“What’s wrong, lovely?” You still felt like you were going to cry.

“I- Nothing. Don’t worry about me,” you fakely smiled again. But, again, it was as if he knew you your entire life because he wiped the pad of his thumb against your lips, making you genuinely frown.

“How can I not worry when you seem squeamish? And these fake smiles plastered on your face. What’s wrong?” He stopped swiping your bottom lip and cupped your face with the entirety of his right hand; thumb rubbing your cheek instead.

You still forced a smile and wrapped your hand around his wrist, bringing his hand away from your face. You felt undeserving of everything he was doing to you. And you wanted to hide your emotions as much as you could.

“I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me. I’m fully capable of taking care of myself,” you released your hold on his wrist and held yours, crossed in front of your body.

This time, with his left hand, he smoothed down your hair and let his hand rest on your face.

“Okay, pretty. If you say so. Now, let’s go get your car, yeah?” You bit your lip and nodded and he led you out of his house with his hands on the small of your back, just like he did when he was bringing you inside.

The seven-eleven you were drinking at just so happened to be located right next to Jeong Peach Corporation. Your car was still parked in the parking lot. And it was still nothing to ever compare to the CEO who was sitting beside you.

You both got out of the car, and he was standing in front of you.

“Thank you and I apologize for last night. But if it weren’t for you, I’d probably be passed out on the sidewalk,” you awkwardly laughed.

“No worries, love. And thank you for your hospitality. I’m happy you’re doing alright,” he responded.

You pursed your lips and pivot your heels to the direction of your car.

“I hope to see you again, Y/n.” Yeah right.

You pivot your heels back to the direction of Jaehyun. The embarrassment of last night and this morning still lingered in your body. There was no way you would see him again. You were from two completely different worlds. And there was no way you were coming back to this seven-eleven.

“I hope so too,” you said bitterly before rushing to your car.

“Y/n!” He said before you could finish shutting your door. You groaned to yourself, stepping back out of your car and facing him again. You wanted to save yourself from the self-bashing already.

“Would you like to… maybe… grab something to eat later?” But damn, he was too nice to turn down. You wanted to say yes so badly, but another part of you wanted to decline. You just didn’t belong in his world.

He was born to an upper class family, you knew that. Everyone knew that. So what would happen if you said yes? You had nothing to offer.

But it didn’t hurt trying, right?

You took in a huge gulp, “…. I would like that.”

“I’m sorry, what?!” exclaimed Danbi while the two of you were washing dishes.

The kids had just eaten and they were now free to do whatever they pleased, whether that was draw, sleep, or take a walk during the good weather.

“Keep it down!” You shushed her.

“I can't! THE Jeong Jaehyun of THE Jeong Peach Corporation asked you out on a date tonight?!” She squealed in happiness for you, making the bubbles fly everywhere.

You told her everything that had just happened within the past twenty-four hours. And she was beyond stoked for you. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and she knew you deserved it the most. You’d been through hell and back and you’re about to go right back. She knew everything about your situation, you’d both been volunteering here for years so it was only natural to open up to one another.

“No one said anything about a date…. Just a, uh, hangout. Yeah…. a hangout.”

“Y/n, he just met you and he’s head over heels for you already! I’m so excited for you!”

You were excited too. Way beyond excited.

—

Jaehyun said he would pick you up around nine p.m. You had just gotten back from grocery shopping and you now had a little over an hour to shower and get ready. You didn’t even know where he was taking you.

But as you were applying your makeup and looking in your bathroom mirror, everything started shutting down on you. And you were surrounded with nothing but your own, suffocating, thoughts. You were a fraud. But Jaehyun was coming to pick you up soon, so now was not the time to think about it; or at least try not to. Fake it ‘till you make it.

When the knocking on your door signified Jaehyun's arrival, you quickly sprayed some perfume and opened up the door for him.

You were wearing a simple, spaghetti strap black dress with a slit on the side leg and a dark gray blazer with a matching bag. He looked the same as he did when you saw him this morning, except his blazer was now off of his body and he took off his tie which left him with his white button up (which he unbuttoned the first few to give him more of a casual look).

“Are you ready?”

☹ ☹ ☹

I told you I was down bad

You hate to see me like that

Two whole years had gone by and it was almost your third anniversary. Almost, as in, it was six months away. But so much can happen in a mere six months that seem to pass by so quickly.

You were in your apartment, the same crappy apartment you lived in two years ago, crying in your sheets. Your damn thoughts were getting to the best of you again.

And when you didn’t respond to Jaehyun’s phone calls, it was an understatement to say he was worried about you. So he drove to your apartment immediately.

He frantically knocked on your door and almost broke it down until you came to open it, eyes still red from your tears and breath still uncontrollable. Your lover welcomed himself inside and shut the door, holding you so tight yet soft in his embrace in the doorway. He was trying to comfort you with his lips resting on your forehead and his hands carefully cradling your body.

“It’s alright, love. I’m here. Don’t cry. Please. I need you,” he repeated into your hair, rubbing your back and swaying you both side to side. But the action made you cry even more. You didn’t deserve the love he gave to you. Your head rested on his firm chest as you tried to calm down the pain.

“Angel, where are your meds? Are they in your room?”

You nodded as best as you could as he carefully led you inside and into your bedroom. Jaehyun sat you down on your bed before grabbing a glass of water for you to take your pills. You hated relying on him so much. You hadn’t changed. But what you don’t know is that Jaehyun loved you even more than he did two years ago. He loved you because you weren’t afraid to show him such a vulnerable part of the human being you had become. Or so he thought.

You did what you had to do and he carefully pulled you into bed with him. Your head rested in the crook of his neck as he felt your hiccuping breath die down into slumber. He rubbed your back some more, hoping that it would lull you to sleep faster.

You don’t know what you’d do if he wasn’t here. Jaehyun was your everything, as were you to him.

—

When you woke up the following morning, you were still in Jaehyun’s embrace. Slowly, you turned around to check the time and the clock read 5:43

a.m. That was why it was still dark outside.

You turned back around to face Jaehyun and you sadly smiled at him. He worked so hard 24/7 and the purple bags under his eyes proved that. You just wished there was something you could do to help him, just like the various ways he had helped you. Jaehyun has always been there to help. From the day you two met, to this moment, Jaehyun was always your number one.

You shifted around in his arms as he slightly groaned because of the sudden movement.

“I’m sorry, love. Keep sleeping,” you whispered, kissing his closed eyes. He came to your house in his work clothes, though, so you were sure he was a bit uncomfortable. You walked to your wardrobe and found some folded up pajama pants he left over the other night as well as one of his gray hoodies he left ‘not on purpose.’ You gathered his clothes and walked to the bed to wake him up.

“Wake up. If you’re gonna keep sleeping, at least change, love. You’re probably all stuffy in your button up and dress pants,” you lightly shook him awake. He groaned some more before stretching his limbs and opening his eyes. You were the best thing he could ever wake up to.

Jaehyun playfully pulled the blanket over his head and managed to wrap his arms around your waist as you were sitting down beside him. You laughed at his antics and tried to free his grip on you. It failed; and you ended up wrapped under your sheets with him, his comfortable clothes still in your hands.

“What if I don’t want to change,” he challenged.

“You don’t have to,” you teased. “But it’s not going to be my fault when you complain about being uncomfortable.”

His tight hold on you faltered for a moment before he fully released you and took off your blanket from his (and your) bodies. He released a puff and pouted his plump morning lips. The man sighed and got out of bed, taking the clothes you had in your hands and just stripping from his work clothes right then and there.

“Aren’t you gonna change in the bathroom?” You asked, laying back down in bed. So much for getting up.

“Eyy, you know I don’t do that. I’m gonna come back into bed anyway,” he said before climbing in after you and pulling the grey sheet back onto him. As he slid into your bed, you wrapped your arms around his head as he rested himself to be held by you. Jaehyun loved being babied, especially in the early hours of the morning. It was one of the many charismatic features about him.

—

When you woke up the second time that morning, it was only nine o’clock. But Jaehyun seemed to be awake now, cooking breakfast that was sizzling from the kitchen.

Quietly, you sat on one of the stools and stared at him. He was the best thing that ever came into your life.

But why did he openly put himself in it?

You always wondered why Jaehyun stayed. It always turned into panic attacks and crying fits, but you couldn’t help it. He was a part of a completely different social status and you stood out like a sore thumb when you were next to him. It wasn’t like you were ashamed to be his girlfriend; you just thought he was ashamed to have you as his girlfriend.

He should.

There goes those thoughts again.

Unknowingly, you choked a sob which made him turn around. When he saw you, he smiled with pure adoration beaming in his eyes. God, why did he make this so hard?

He shut off the stove and walked toward you, forgetting about the breakfast he was making, it was almost done, anyway. Jaehyun wiped his hands with a towel and walked to you, cupping your face with his right hand, wiping the tear that seemed to fall from your eye.

“Why are you crying, love?” He still held the same, sweet, smile.

“…. I love you.”

He raised you from your seat and just hugged you, lips resting on the crown of your head, swaying you back and forth on the creaky floor.

“I love you more.”

“I’m sorry I’m like this,” you confessed against his chest.

But he immediately raised you from your position, to look at his, now serious, expression.

“Never apologize for something you can’t control. You say sorry all the time, peach. I love that you feel the need to say it, but you really don’t need to say it all the time. Especially in front of me. You know how much I love you, right? For being who you are?” He wiped the baby hairs away from your face.

“You know how much I don’t care how messed up, or whatever you call it, you are, right?”

“…… Of course.”

“Then you should stop being such an amazing person. I don’t deserve you. But here I am,” he laughed, tugging you into his frame once more.

However, you still felt the need to give him the world. You still felt as though you owed him your life, he’d been your boyfriend for almost three years.

And yet you still thought that it was you who didn’t deserve him.

“Now stop crying. You know I don’t like it when you cry. Especially if it’s your damn thoughts that are eating at you.”

You love him so much.

☹ ☹ ☹

I don’t know how you look past

My stupid fucking setbacks

You said it before and you’ll say it again. You’ll say it a million more times; Jaehyun deserved more.

Sometimes, you’ll look in the crooked mirror placed in your bathroom and just think to yourself. Think about all the negatives rather than thinking about the positives. And although there are times you do think about the positives, they all end up with a wretched outcome. And then it’s negative thoughts all over again.

It’s the same routine and you’re growing sick of it. You’ve been sick of it ever since you could remember and you despise people who seem to have it easy. It just seemed as though there was no luck for you. The only luck the universe brought to you was Jaehyun. There are times, though, where you wished you never met him. He was a goddamn CEO and you were a low-class citizen. None of it just made sense.

But you loved him. It just hurts to deal with your true emotions and stow them away from your lover; because you never wanted him to watch what you were going through. Even the thought of it made you want to vomit.

Trauma just came natural to you, apparently. And you absolutely hated it. You just wished you were different, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so guilty about dating Jaehyun. Then he would truly be proud of who you are.

He was already proud of you, though. And he’s told you this a billion times. Your brain just makes you believe that he’s saying it out of pity. He’s only saying it because you’re his girlfriend.

And the cycle continues.

—

You were spending the next couple of days at Jaehyun’s house. It was obvious he didn’t like your lifestyle and wished for you to live with him. You could never bring yourself to do it though; to always rely on him for everything that you do. You were fully aware of what you could and could not do, and you didn’t need him to help you.

Which led you to silently cry away your sorrows in his bathroom. You were taking a bath, in hopes to dial down the overwhelming emotions that engulfed you. Yet here you were, with a flushed face and puffy eyes— the aftermath of a breakdown.

It seemed as though ever since you got into a relationship with Jaehyun, your anxiety only intensified. And that resulted in the thoughts that had been burdening your mind since the day you two met.

Fortunately, he wasn’t home to face the pointless shenanigans that go through your head. So you had enough time to pull yourself together, take your meds, and try to meditate on the balcony that was attached to his bedroom.

The summer nights were cool enough for you to relax your mind before Jaehyun made his way home. You were working at the orphanage the whole day and you managed to pull through the entire day without a single tear, which probably led to the bathroom-breakdown fiasco.

The crickets had been chirping and the wind was starting to blow. That was when you heard the bedroom door open. And when Jaehyun saw the slight movement of the balcony curtains, he knew you were outside doing whatever you do best.

Quietly, the man sighed to himself, placed his work on the side desk and undid his tie. He was finally home. He was finally with you.

Jaehyun opened the sliding door larger than what it was and joined you in sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. At first he let out a long breath and looked out toward the yard which his bedroom was facing. Then, he got tired and shifted toward you.

That happened all in thirty seconds.

Your eyes were still closed as you breathed in. Jaehyun lovingly smiled at you and kissed the side of your head.

“I missed you today, angel,” he broke the silence.

You opened your eyes and shifted your body to face him.

“You say that every day,” you chuckled and played with his fingers. A habit of yours that Jaehyun absolutely adored.

“And it’s always true. I can't wait for the day I get to see you every time I come home.” You felt more guilty that he had the need to say that. And you knew he meant nothing harmful, he was just a caring person and didn’t want you living the life you had. You were better off living with him.

But you joked, “You will. For the next three days. And then I’m off home.”

He groaned and layed back on the cold floor. “Don’t remind me. I want to cherish the time we have now.”

You laughed once more. He was acting as if he didn’t come to see you practically every day. Sometimes, he’ll even leave his job just to come see you at the orphanage.

“Eyy, quit saying that. I’m still here. You come by all the time. Sometimes twice a day. You’ll get sick of me soon, I can guarantee. I don’t know how you put up with me all these years.”

Although you were (partially) joking, Jaehyun sat right up from his prior position and looked at you with his pout and furrowed brows.

“What do you mean, peach? I could and would never get sick of seeing you. Don’t say that.” You were shocked to see him react that way.

You slightly snickered at him and said, “I was joking, love. I’m sorry,” you leaned your head closer to his and placed a little kiss on his lips, to make him sort of forgive you for saying that.

“You better be. I don’t know what I’d do without you, peach,” he kissed back. And pecked your lips repeatedly, several times.

The actions made you laugh out loud and slightly push him away. Jaehyun loved being the reason why there was the brightest smile on your face. So he quietly smiled as your eyes crinkled because of him.

He suggested that you two wash up. However, you already told him you bathed before he came home. And like a child, he groaned and went into the bathroom himself. But he made you promise to wait for him tomorrow. You agreed, because he was your little baby.

As he was in the shower, you cuddled your way into his bed sheets and blanket. The lights were now dimmed and all you were doing was waiting for him to get out of the shower. Hopefully he would be able to beat the slumber that easily pulled you in.

The warmness of the blanket, though, soothed you to sleep and Jaehyun was unable to defeat the unfortunate slumber that casted over you. It was a shame since he wanted to talk to you; ask about your day and what you did. He’d grown used to the look of your puffy eyes, and he knew you’d been crying. He knew you were having a moment the minute he stepped onto the patio. Because the only time you would sit out there was if something was bothering you.

Being the amazing person he was, left you alone, and didn’t ask about what you clearly didn’t want to talk about. He believed that you would open up to him when you were ready. You’ve already opened up to him so much, but nothing would stop him from worrying about you.

Once he got out of the shower and towel-dried his hair, he placed the wet towel in the basket and climbed into bed next to you, immediately clinging to your fatigued figure. God, he would give you the entire world. Jaehyun turned around and shut off the lamp on his side of the bed (yours was already turned off) and hugged you against him, his breath soon evening out to match yours.

And fast asleep he was.

—

The following morning, Jaehyun was awakened with your fingers threaded in his hair and his face squished against your chest. He managed to stretch some parts of his limbs whilst still, practically, laying on top of you.

“Good morning, angel,” he said in his morning voice, “I’m not going into work today.”

As a CEO, you’d expect him to take care of himself (with Jaehyun being his own boss and all) but you didn’t expect him to say he wasn’t going in. Not that you minded, you’d much rather spend the day with him but Jaehyun was a hard-working man, and he rarely took days off.

“I’m not going in for the next three days either. It’s been a while since I took a day or two off.”

“Yeah, but you’re taking four days off, including today. Are you sure you want to do that?”

He was taken aback for a moment. Did you not want to spend time with him anymore?

“There’s nothing wrong with me taking four days off. You appreciate it, no?” He said in the littlest voice which instantly made you regret what you said.

“No, no, no. Oh, I’m sorry my love, I didn’t mean to make you upset. It’s just that you’re so busy with work and it’s just me so you don’t have to-” you rambled.

“And that’s where I’m gonna stop you. You know how much you mean to me, so of course I’m gonna take these days off to spend as much time with you as I can. The company's getting a little busier with a new launch around the corner but I’m sure they’ll be able to survive without me for a few days,” he retaliated.

You sighed, still feeling like an asshole for wording the sentence the way you did. God, could you do anything to make him happy? It felt as though everything you said and everything you did could never satisfy him. Of course, those were just your thoughts.

Jaehyun was happy that you cared about his job, but what he wanted you to realize the most is how much he wanted to be with you. Whatever it was, spending time with you is the best remedy he could ever ask for.

Just why is he never sick of you and your words? You’re sure he would be with how rude you, unintentionally, were to him.

☹ ☹ ☹

When you opened up the door

You let me in when you should have your guard up

Thinking back to the time you finally let Jaehyun crawl through your walls— when he’d let down his walls way before you— the constant feeling of regret and pain constantly filled you. Whether or not the glass was half-full or half-empty, it was always just half. There was never a certain hundred percent yet Jaehyun took his time in letting you trust him as Jeong Yoon Oh.

Thinking back to the time you first met Jaehyun himself, he somehow couldn’t process the red-flag you were oh-so not afraid to show while you were inebriated. He thought you were cute, and the words you were spilling from your mouth, conscious or not, made him feel sort of protective over you. And he didn’t even know you.

It was about ten a.m. when the two of you got out of bed. Ever since the conversation earlier, the air has just been tense. At least for you. You’re sure Jaehyun probably hadn’t felt anything but your brain was constantly playing tricks on you, and this could be one of them.

Your lover is in the bathroom now, as you’re sitting on the bed staring into space with your thoughts locked into your brain. You should apologize. Of course, you want him to stay home with you, but he plays an important role in the economy and in his industry that you can’t help but feel bad for keeping him away from what he loves doing most.

Resting against the headboard, you turn your head toward the bathroom door that was being opened. He walks through and sits back in his spot next to you, although his body is fully facing yours.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I just… I don’t want to keep you here if you have a lot to prepare for your launch,” you sighed and rubbed your eyes.

He laughed, but the feeling of hurt lingered a bit in his eyes as he held the utmost respect to you. “You don’t have to apologize, my love. It’s completely okay. And if they need help, they have my number and it’ll all get fixed with a simple phone call, alright?” He used his right hand to cup your face, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the surface of your cheeks.

You bit your lip in hesitation but you stopped when Jaehyun leaned down and kissed away the bad habit he always noticed you had.

“Let’s make breakfast, yeah?” He whispered against your lips, giving you the biggest puppy eyes ever. You laughed and kissed him one more time before going into the bathroom to get ready for whatever the day was going to bring.

—

Breakfast was absolutely lovely. As it always is whenever you’re with Jaehyun. But for some reason, this morning’s just hit so different.

Today, though, you planned on going to the orphanage just as a surprise visit. Truly, it was your home. Your second home (if you considered Jaehyun.)

“Well, I was planning on getting goodie bags for the kids but… I don’t think I’m gonna. We can just spend the day there,” you were telling him all the things you wanted to do today and the things you wanted to do for the kids there but you were having trouble deciding what to actually do.

“Nah, we can go to the grocery and buy them goodies,” he abruptly said as if it was no problem. Realistically there was no problem. Except you.

“But-”

“No buts. I haven’t seen them in a while, so just consider it a gift from me. Now, let’s finish our food and get some snacks for the kiddos,” he put his plate in the sink as you sighed in adoration (and maybe a little in guilt.)

Grocery shopping with Jaehyun was like grocery shopping with a child. And it was good, because he picked out snacks he thought the children would like, as well as treat bags to put them in. He was a child at heart although he portrayed a stoic and successful CEO.

The two of you sat in his car for an hour in the Warm Hearts Orphanage parking lot packing juices and snacks and candy into the bags before finally walking through the front door.

One of the staff members had seen you and happily greeted the two of you as you walked into the main entrance to the room the kids spent the most. Upon your arrival, all of the children shouted in happiness, greeting you with hugs and questions of the bags that were placed in a cardboard box that Jaehyun was holding.

Giving them out and spending time with them truly warmed your heart as they played the whole day long with Jaehyun.

He was so fond of children and your entire being melts with the sight of him playing with them and catching them up on his launch.

Something about it was heartwarming yet bittersweet.

You don’t know how long you could last anymore.

☹ ☹ ☹

What a painful back and forth, oh

Today was just not a good day. For you and for Jaehyun. He called you in the morning and said he was going to visit you at your apartment when he was done in the office.

Only problem was, it was twelve in the morning when he walked through the door with the extra key you gave him. Your apartment was quiet, excluding the yelling from the thin walls of whichever neighbor.

For the first time since he’s met you, this was the first time he’d actually noticed every little detail about your apartment. From the stained walls to the crack in your window. He felt like he wanted to cry. Jaehyun didn’t want you living like this anymore, that was the truth. And he knew you worked two jobs before committing to the orphanage. He also knew you were never able to pursue college. No amount of scholarships you were given could afford the ungodly university tuition.

And just as he was about to suck up the water forming in his eyes, you walked out of your room, fully awake. You stopped and called out his name. But the ringing in his ears only got louder. And soon he broke down into tears.

You were completely shocked. It was midnight and you didn’t think he would come over because it was so late. But now he’s here, and you don’t know how long he has been standing there, breaking down right in front of you.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong, angel?” you held him in your grasp as his tears kept coming down.

“Why are you crying? Please tell me, my love,” you pleaded, voice cracking. In the three years you’d known Jaehyun, he was never one to cry. Not one tear. He wouldn’t ever tear up either. So seeing him like this, vulnerable, was both shocking as it is confusing.

“I just…” he sobbed, “I just love you so much. Please don’t ever leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” To you, he wasn’t making much sense but he was still valid to have these thoughts. Some people have their off days and you guessed this was his.

“Of course not, Yoon Oh.” He cried harder, somehow pulling you even closer than before, his head still hiding in the shadows of your neck.

Moments passed by before he finally lifted his head up. He looked so ethereal though he was covered in tears and the image in front of you made you want to cry yourself.

“You’re okay. I’m right here,” you cupped his face with both of your hands, wiping away the tears on his cheek with your thumbs. He does the same to you, although you’re not crying.

“I want you with me forever,” he whispered, searching through your eyes as if he doesn’t know you like the back of his hand.

“I’ll be here.”

You don’t know if you’re lying to him with the response. But only time can tell whether the guilt forever residing in your heart gets the best of you and inevitably, to the best of him. But he’ll get over it right? He’s Jeong Jaehyun after all.

—

You’re now laying side by side on your bed. He is being cradled in your arms as he continues to calm down in the drowsiness of the late hours of the night.

“I’m sorry about breaking down earlier. I just… I don’t know, I just felt super overwhelmed all of a sudden I guess,” he lifted his head up to look at your moonlit face.

You shook your head and stroked his hair. “Don’t apologize. You deal with me all the time,” you dryly chuckled.

“Because I know what you go through… But thank you,” he rubbed your back.

“For what?”

“For being there for me when I need you most. I really appreciate it…” he trailed off for a moment, “I really appreciate you.”

“Please…” he continued, “Come live with me.”

You don’t know if it was sympathy, pity, pure love, or all of the above. But Jaehyun was very much aware that he could treat you like a queen. Which he already does, and that makes you all the more hesitant.

“You know that-” you’re cut off.

“I know. I know you refuse to but please. You’re my entire world, Y/n. I can’t even explain to you in words how much you and your entire existence means to me,” he’s desperate now. So desperate to finally have all of you. So, so desperate to watch you flourish into the beautiful bouquet he knows you are.

You sigh and continue to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders. “I’ll think about it.”

But the both of you knew the true meaning behind those words. Yet neither of you can say a word.

☹ ☹ ☹

It’s hard to ignore all of my problems

You couldn’t even count all of the imperfections and impurities that you had hiding within yourself. So much so, that you seem to project those imperfections onto the people around you. To the people that you love.

And sure, they might not notice them— ignore them, in fact— but they are clearly written out right in front of you and they don’t ever seem to go away. Which is probably why they say ‘you are your greatest enemy.’ It was true.

Yet of course, these thoughts had to swarm your mind at the grocery store. Grocery shopping, for crying out loud. With Jaehyun and with bunches of people who are too nosey to not look at you and not whisper to themselves as to why you are crying.

With the shopping cart full, Jaehyun pulls it over to the side so as to not create traffic, and pulls you closer to him by your arms.

He pushes the hair out of your face and leans down to see you. All of you.

“What’s wrong, my love?” He shushes you and wipes the tears off your cheeks.

This was absolutely terrible. Even the most domestic and everyday tasks were a hassle. And you felt like you were burdening Jaehyun in the busy market that only the wealthiest people had shopped at (since you were staying over Jaehyun’s again for a few days.)

“Nothing, it’s- I’m okay,” you sucked in a breath and wiped your tears before looking up at him to meet his worried gaze.

“Are you sure?” He squinted his eyes.

You took in another breath before nodding.

“One hundred percent sure?” He patted your flyaway hairs down. You nodded again.

“I need words, angel. To make sure you’re okay. Really okay.”

“I’m okay, I promise,” you try to give him your best smile.

He only responds with the softest kiss to your forehead.

“I need you to be with me,” he whispered against your skin.

“I am. One thousand percent. I’m okay,” you whispered back, now getting self conscious of the scene of you and Jaehyun canoodling in a grocery store on a Wednesday at eleven a.m.

He believed you, however the rest of the shopping trip went by slowly, awkwardly, and quietly.

You wished you could change the way you think.

☹ ☹ ☹

Cause I'm no good (Ooh), you could do better (Ooh)

You should walk out, it's now or never

Ninety-nine percent of couples argue. Those statistics are completely true. No matter how often or how little, couples everywhere have their fair share of fights.

You and Jaehyun are one of those couples that rarely fight. Today, however, had not been very good to the both of you. Stress, anxiety, and more stress were eating at the both of you and now it landed you here. Just great.

“I don’t need you constantly taking care of me! I’m perfectly fine on my own!” You shouted toward him.

“Clearly you’re not if you break down every other day! I just want you to be okay,” he lets go and sits on one of the chairs in the living room. His face is hiding in his hands as he feels the anger and disappointment run through his brain.

Noticing this reaction, you sigh and furrow your eyebrows. It’s silent for a fleeting moment. “Why? You know I’ll be okay.”

You sit on the couch, opposite of the black leather chair Jaehyun is sitting in.

“I know how much you’re hurting. And I don’t ever want you to feel those terrible feelings ever again. I want to be here for you and I want you to know that I want to be here for you. Can't you understand?”

It isn’t too much after he let out those words that you feel the tears fill up the sockets of your eyes and the void of the room. The walls that had now captured the two lovers screaming at each other now hear the abundant silence between them.

“I can't give you anything. You do so much for me and I’m just here.”

“I don’t care. No materialistic thing could ever compare to you just being here with me.” He gets up and sits next to you, making sure you know he’s with you the entire way.

“But it’s not enough.”

“Yes it is, Y/n. And I don't know what else to say to get through that thick head of yours. I love you for being you. And I love you for accepting me for who I am, not who I need to be. I don't need you to offer me anything besides your love.”

“That's the thing. I can only offer you my love.”

“I don’t care! Y/n, you need to realize how much you affect me. And I can't let you go around saying those words because they hurt me. It genuinely hurts me to hear those words.”

“…. I'm sorry.”

“Y/n, you truly don’t know how much you help those around you?”

It was silent for a moment.

“You work in a damn orphanage, for crying out loud! For fun. And it just makes me appreciate you. Appreciate how much you enjoy the happiness of other people. It’s all I could ever ask for.” He wiped the tears falling from your eyes.

“Please don’t cry. I just need you to know how much I love you. Why can't you see that? Do you not love me anymore?”

With zero hesitation, you released his hand from your face and stood up, “No! Don’t say that! Of course I still love you!”

“… it’s just that…”

“Don’t even say it, Y/n.”

The gloomy night has come to an end. And yet Jaehyun will not— will never— leave you behind.

☹ ☹ ☹

Gonna regret being too honest

Callin' it love, but this isn’t fallin'

It’s the following morning. It is truly a gloomy morning, in fact. The rain was slowly pouring, the wind was rustling against the trees, and the upcoming fog coming from the ocean was painting the neighborhood.

The minute you woke up in Jaehyun’s arms, you remembered the fight the night prior. And, God, did you feel like an absolute ass.

Could this be it? It’s been three years and yet the question still lingers. Just why? It seems as though you bring him so much pain and yet he has chosen nothing but enduring the repercussions of your wrath.

You gradually regained the strength to get up and without a minute to spare, you quietly escaped out of Jaehyun’s protective arms to make breakfast. Some sort of remedy to help heal the pain of last night's argument.

You sat on one of the island chairs waiting for the food to cook in the oven. Slowly but surely, you were once again trapped in your thoughts. Were you being too harsh? Were you being too honest? Were you actually enough to be with the most amazing man on planet Earth?

All of these questions were paused by the padding of feet coming into the kitchen. You look up at him, not expecting anyone else. And in his dazed glory, Jeong Yoon Oh was still the most precious human being that had ever entered your existence.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing you’re able to say before finally crying. Crying the waves of emotions that you felt the night before yet did not physically show.

He didn’t say a single word. He didn’t have to. All he did was take you in his embrace and whispered apologies and sweet nothings into your ears. The rest of the morning went by with stuffy noses and quiet munches.

—

“I’m sorry about last night,” you apologized once again, sitting on the bed watching him get ready through the mirror.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I just want you to know that you can lean on me. You’ve been able to lean on me for years now…. I didn’t mean to yell but desperate times call for desperate measures,” says Jaehyun.

“But I'm not desperate at all, you know that.”

“Yes but don’t you know I’m so desperate for you?”

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