#like christ my 20s sucked but I was gunning for my 30s to make up for it lol

[fernal-red]

I already vented out most of my thoughts on the election over on Bluesky but yeah, I didn't get much done today, didn't do much of anything but lie in bed trying to catch up on the sleep I lost from the night before. But another day is coming, things resume. Gotta keep moving.

[yikesharringrove]

Last episode!!

Okay! This episode had lots of ups and downs. LOTS of joe and downs.

The Steve/Nancy bullshit can literally eat shit I hate it I HATE IT

Once again the tension is constantly being ramped up, especially with the Russian team and the upside down team.

I didn’t even notice the California team wasn’t in this ep bc that’s how little I care.

There are a bunch of scenes I’ve seen as gifs that I didn’t see? Are those from teasers? Like Eddie playing his guitar in the UD?? I assume that’s to help Nancy out but I have NO idea.

Anyway this one had some good moments of return to what st used to be especially with Lucas and Dustin, but the last 20-30 minutes of pure exposition and flashbacks really sucked the life out of me. Not too sure how I feel about this ep overall

Incoherent thots:

The way Steve is literally being EATEN ALIVE by those things jesus christ. We joke abt him getting fucked up every season but this is by far the worst one. He’s alone! And so scared! And he doesn’t know his friends are coming!

That pov shot got me fucked up

Eddie yelling “kill it” while Nancy and Robin do all the work. I wanna be him when I grow up

NOT STEVE BITING THAT THING he so has rabies now.

Okay but the way he flung it against the ground by the tail 👀👀👀 okay. Aight.

Bro he TORE IT IN HALF

Me watching this scene five times:

“Well they took about a pound of flesh, but other than that. Yeah never better” love how ducked up he sounds. Also Eddie in background like jEsUs H cHrIsT

ROBIN WITH THE RABIES lmao were the same

Ooop all of them getting behind Steve

These bitches are like the Procompsognathus in Jurassic park

Oh shit that’s a little person barbecue these fuckers are CRAZY

“Promise me you won’t kill her” OBVIOUSLY this guy doesn’t give a fuck about you OR el

Do you think brenner makes the other people at the lab call him papa?

SAM OWENS FINALLY ADMITTING THAT EL IS A FRIGHTENED, TRAUMATIZED, LITTLE GIRL

I just fucking can’t with brenner he’s literally disgusting and I wish he was GONE

“This place is not a prison” THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP SEDATING HER WHEN SHE TRIES TO LEAVE

“You chose to trust me once” when? That time you kidnapped her from her mother and then tortured her mother so viscously that she was left permanently disabled? Is that when el chose to trust you?

I keep seeing in tiktok people who think number 1 is hot and bro. He’s so awful looking to me I can’t believe it

Dustin being an awful fucking liar are you kidding

“That psycho fREAK killer? Uh, no.” Dustin for president

Ted Wheeler coming in clutch suggesting the kids that ARENT HIS go to jail lmao Mrs. Sinclair looked like he was talkin out of his ass

I happen to think that Eddie’s hair should be getting bigger and more frizzy each time he’s shown. That lake water does not help with the frizz

STEVE

“I’m fine. I’m fine” DUDE YOU ARE MISSING CHUBKS OF YOUR SIDES

Robin rattling off the symptoms of rabies I love her. She really thinks her best friend is dying she’s freaking out amazing

Nancy ripping up her skirt to bandage him welcome to Rocky horror

What’s with the squelching sounds when she wrapped it around him?? Bro ew

Please know that when Steve and Nancy looked all lovey dovey at each other I booed super loud I HATE IT HERE

“Yeah you almost shot me with that one” “you almost deserved it” rip to season 1 Steve who definitely pissed himself when Nancy put that gun in his face

EDDIE STOP “fer yer modesty, dude”

Okay did everyone need to spoon up when that earthquake happened???? I fucking hate it stop it with the Steve/Nancy shit I’m on my knees I’m BEGGING

Hopper figuring out how to make a Molotov cocktail in prison he’s amazing he’s showstopping he’s incredible

“Papa, I bet that old American did most of the monster slaying” vibes

Jesus, hopper wanting el to be growing and changing and learning and meanwhile el is underground and being re-traumatized by brenner

Murray looking like he’s shitting himself in that van while lying to the guards he’s amazing

Seeing all this shit, how much brenner spoke with all the kids individually, it kinda doesn’t make sense to me why el could hardly speak or knew a lot when she got out. Like reading and writing sure, those are learned, but you learn to talk by being talked to and by talking so. Idk if this makes sense it just makes me feel a little odd. Plus the older kids have a big vocabulary so ??? What is the truth

COLLAR HIM WHAT

Good. Now we get to see the actual fucking torture DUDE BRENNER SUCKS SO HARD WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE HIM BETTER

Jesus christ what the fuck is going on

Eddie looking so distressed when Steve doesn’t get the ozzy reference I’ve seen it in so many gifs it’s incredible

(Also Steve was not engaging bc he knows ozzy and he knows that moment billy made him watch it about a thousand times on mtv but now that he’s gone, it’s a really painful memory)

YES EDDIE TELLING STEVE HOW MUCH DUSTIN LOVES HIM IM CRYING MERLIN AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS

EDDIE SAYING HE WAS JEALOUS this scene fucks so hard omg

“I was too ashamed to be the only one left behind” EDDIE

EDDIE DO NOT TELL STEVE TO GET HER BACK STOP STOP STOP DO NOT FUCKING ENDORSE THIS UNHOLY UNION

Bro eddie needs to shut up fr Steve and Nancy should NOT get back together and I have so many fucking thoughts about it that it would be it’s own post entirely

Okay but I really hope they do some shit with the lights and Dustin and Lucas realize the gang is in that house that would FUCK

Dustin’s look when Erica says she’ll say what was under Lucas’s bed amazing

ERICA DIDNT KNOW THIS SHIT AFTER THE MALL??? Nobody filled her in????

Vecna opened it up obv

Okay but this Dustin and Lucas scene of them riffing off each other and figuring it out is so so good this is what I missed from stranger things this is what I loves about seasons 1 and 2

YES I SEE THAT LIGHT FLICKERING THATS YOU UPSIDE DOWNERS

STEVE IS THE ONE THATS GONNA FIGURE OUT HOW TO TALK TO DUSTIN AND LUCAS

Okay but the upside down being stuck in time of three years ago kind of fucks

Meanwhile Steve’s just screaming downstairs

“Maybe he really does have rabies” VIBES

I’m???? The magic around the lights is big time cheesey tbh

“Does anyone know Morse code?”

“Does sos count? Is that-is that good?” WHAT DO YOU THINK, DARLING????? Eddie is QUICKLY becoming a blorbo. (Except for that painful moment where he told Steve to get with Nancy but he wasn’t thinking right)

It’s not Vecna it’s your besties dw

I think they just should’ve had eddie touch the light the red magic shit looks really dumb to me

This shot in the Russian prison is BANANAS I’m freaking out

HOPPER HES THERE HES RIGHT THERE

Horse plinko

Not these MEAN MUGS the older kids have going on this is so funny to me

Why is this chess set so weird and ornate

Fucking brenner I just hate HATE him

I don’t trust brenner I don’t trust #1 I don’t trust anyone here

Lucas and Dustin fucking yeeting the lite brite and Erica giving her candy lmao

Eddie going “HI” and Steve like 🙄🫤🤨

Dustin: “We think we have a theory that can help with that”

Robin: “genius child”

“His tone, right” love LOVE him

“Honestly shouldn’t have gone with her first. She’s like, kinda mean” CALLAHAN

Callahan coming up the stairs going “oh little pigs, oh little pigs” like dude you’re the cop.

ERICA SLASHED THE TIRE FOR FUCKS SAKE SHES AMAZING

NOT THE TRANSITION FROM THE KIDS TO THE UPSIDE DOWN GANG

What song would save you from being vecna’d? I think mine would be crazy frog.

Is this really how she escaped??? I kinda wish that her escape was just always left a mystery tbh but this way is actually big time anticlimactic

Oh fuck the tracker in his neck made me SICK to look at

See in these flashbacks el has one hell of a vocabulary but we know that when she meets up with the boys she doesn’t know the word promise

HES MAKING A FLAMING SPEAR that’s so sexy aaaahahah

“The Americans are very tricky” in that super exaggerated American accent VIBES

Holy god the lighter being out of fuel

THE MOMENT THE DEMOGORGON FUCKING SPRINTS OUT OF THE DARKNESS I watched it three times at half speed so good

(Still wish this bitch was practical though)

This is the goriest scene in st so far and I wish it was MORE

“I gotta hand it to you commies. You’re committed” Murray’s karate is my favorite thing to come out of this season. He’s out here like billy zabka but not fucking painful

Not Joyce pressing all the fucking buttons queen shit

DUDE THE SPEAR THROW RIGHT JN ITS FUCKING FACE OH MY GOD

THEY DINT KNOW THAT JOYCE IS THERE OH SHIT this reunion is gonna make me cry with the slo mo

Okay but hopper at first not realizing what’s going on and then holding her back and smiling into the top of her head I’m freaking out

Okay but lowkey the look of (guys specifically) wearing long pants that aren’t fitted around the ankle and no shoes is one of my least favorite things ever and it always has been

THE KIDS

This is kinda cool with the gate in the ceiling and the mirrored shots of the trailer and the kids looking at the upside down gang

So he’s just manipulating el to get rid of the thing that makes him not lose his marbles

Cool

So it’s NOT how she got out okay nvm

El, You’re surprised?? I’m fucking not

That’s where she learned the ol’ neck snapper though

And he’s number one I fucking called it

Wait this is trippy with the rope going through the ceiling. Gravity’s about to get real weird

“Those stains are, uh, I don’t know what those stains are” KING SHIT

WHAT that’s so cool it’s sustained between them that’s awesome

Every time I see the Dio logo on the back of the denim vest I think it says Djo lol

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

Oh christ the pool

This is so spicy for Nancy (imagine if it had been Steve though that would fuck to explore his guilt)

SO BARB WQS TAKEN BY VECNA???

Oh that’s some gross shit from the pool. Once again, I called the pool being filled with gross black shit in my powers!steve fic lol

No wait OF COURSE el hasn’t escaped yet this is like 1979 or some shit

He’s Vecna. #1 is totally Vecna

So is this why the upside down is always trying to kill 11? WAIT IN SAESON 3 BILLY/MINDFLAYER SAID HE WAS BUILDING AN ARMY FOR HER yeah it’s bc vecna is weirdly obsessed with her

Okay but what does the creep house have to do with vecna? Like why is it there that he set up shop and his psychic link is through that

OH THATS FUCKING WHY HES THE KID WHAT WHAT WHAT

Oh it’s all coming together

As a certified Spider Kid his obsession with these big fucking black widows is ????

“They, like me, are solitary creatures and deeply misunderstood. They are gods of our world.” GOD SHUP YOURE SO ANNOYING

He’s literally the worst. And people like this character??? He’s painful

He fucking SUCKS

You know most serial killers start out with animal cruelty

“She despised me for it.” NO SHE JUST REALIZES THAT YOURE A KILLER AND YOUVE GOT A FUCKED UP CIEW OF THE WORLD

This whole flashback is too much exposition tbh

Brenner did all those tattoos?? That’s lowkey impressive

This is big time fucked up

Those fucking slipper shoes are so weird just have them in socks or barefoot

001 to me is what billy is to the rest of the fandom

The way I absolutely can’t stand him

These last 20 have really lost me tbh

Oh GROSS

Not only did El essentially banish him to the UD she also skinned him

WHY does it look like he’s falling to super hell

THE REAL HORSE PLINKO

Knew it

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

[gratiasancti]

100 PERSONAL QUESTIONS

because @ineffablequestion​ decided to really put my patience to the test today . not that i mind , ily .

1. What is your middle name ?

maria 

2. How old are you ?

23 as of right now !

3. When is your birthday?

oct. 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra waddup

5. What is your favorite color?

i don’t really have one ? muted colours probably

6. What’s your lucky number?

again, can’t say i have one but maybe 29

7. Do you have any pets?

a dod and a horse

8. Where are you from?

finland / uk

9. How tall are you?

174 cm

10. What shoe size are you?

eu 39-40

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

like seven, if you don’t count my collection of riding shoes and boots. oxfords, brogues, wellies, trainers, and the rest are probably heels. as for riding boots, a lot.

12. What was your last dream about?

that i was late from work and got thrown in a tar pit because of it. and then i sold my old history teacher 500€ worth of alcohol and lottery tickets.

13. What talents do you have?

none?? unlimited sarcasm, idk

14. Are you psychic in any way?

i’m not sure if i believe in this stuff

15. Favorite song?

honestly, anything from hippo campus or glass animals.

16. Favorite movie?

the grand budapest hotel

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who counteracts some of my anxiety and excitedness with a calm and, when needed, firm character but is still funny and can be themselves. preferably someone who i feel is my intellectual equal, and we can share everything with each other. maybe a bit older than myself, but not by much. other than that, i really don’t care.

18. Do you want children?

currently, i can’t see myself ever having kids. just doesn’t seem like my thing. especially babies. maybe adopting or fostering could be an option, but only if i was sure i could give the child a good home.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i don’t think i want to get married

20. Are you religious?

not particularly

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

maaaaaaany times. multiple riding accidents, broken bones, a car crash. then just being an idiot in general. and chronic back problems.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

apart from once forgetting to pay for the underground and getting an 80€ fine, no.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i’ve met and had dinner with two different finnish presidents and some other ‘upper class’ people but other than that, no. 

24. Baths or showers?

one of those rain shower things

25. What color socks are you wearing?

i have no socks !!!

26. Have you ever been famous?

uhhhh not in the literal sense of the word but i’ve been infamous at school when i was like 15. made a meme of one of our teachers that went low key viral in our city.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

definitely not in the hollywood sense of things. 

28. What type of music do you like?

a lot of things. anything, really, depending on the time of day and if i’m feeling particularly emo.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

that’s like the only type of swimming finnish people partake in. naked in the sauna, naked in the lake/ocean. so yes, multiple times a year jhdsnhb

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

currently like five

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

either on my back or on my stomach. depends on what place hurts that day lmao.

32. How big is your house?

closer to 400 m^2 . i still live with my parents but will move into my own flat in six months, once it’s ready. that’s going to be appx 70 m^2.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i know its a bad habit but i often dont have breakfast. if i do it's usually fruit and yoghurt or some toast.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

yes

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yes. fun fact; my cousin has won the european championchip ( in some form of archery idk ) like twice , i think. 

36. Favorite clean word?

defenestrate

37. Favorite swear word?

fuck. i use it Too Much™

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

can’t remember the exact amount of hours but we were sailing and our shifts got messed up to the point where i had either not slept at all or slept so little in like four days i was genuinely hallucinating. almost jumped into the sea because i thought i dropped my life vest,,, which i was wearing.

39. Do you have any scars?

a few. dumbest one probably when i rode in my shorts but used a saddle and rubbed the skin off of my calf. also from hay work, those little dots that look almost like moles.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

not that i know of

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, unfortunately. it’s a bad habit in the sense that i tell a lot of white lies when i could genuinely tell the truth with no consequence. like, it would be the one and the same.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

also yes. i’ve seen some shit. also i have surprisingly good people skills.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i can speak english in my normal accent which is kind of queen’s english (?) upper class idk, then in world’s english ( so basically no accent / neutral ) and then in finnish (rally) english .  i can also speak swedish with a rikssvenska (standard swedish ???) accent and then finlandssvenska which is finnish swedish (and an actual thing lmao). also i can butcher a norwegian or danish accent in swedish if i really try. my finnish is very neutral, but it does vary a bit depending on what city i’m in.

oh, and also a shitty southern american accent. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

if i let it shine through, yes, but i tend toward world english because anything else scares finns. but when i speak finnish (which is most of the time) i don’t really have an accent. maybe you can hear that i’m not 100% finnish but that’s about it.

45. What is your favorite accent?

i don’t really have one ! all accents are really fascinating.

46. What is your personality type?

entj-a

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i have a few expensive dresses, and then of course my riding clothes which cost ridiculous amounts of money because fuck everyone who likes horses, i guess. like excuse me but why is it normalised that you pay over 1000€ for a helmet??? anything less and you’re a peasant.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

mmmmyeah. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie!

50. Left or right handed?

pretty much ambidextrous, though i prefer to write with my left but do everything else mostly with my right. my handwriting doesn’t differ too much from left to write.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

yes. ew. and we’re lucky to only have tiny ones in finland !

52. Favorite food?

ummmmm. currently carelian pie maybe?? idk such a good snack.

53. Favorite foreign food?

squints??? sushi????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

depends. often too lazy to clean but incredibly stressed and uncomfortable when its messy. meticulous about all the wrong things.

55. Most used phrase?

either some form of keysmash or “FUCK”. also in finnish either “voi jumalauta” or “voi saatana” which both basically translate to “jesus fucking christ”.

56. Most used word?

also fuck. this really must say something about me smdh.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

really depends. sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes two hours. on a normal day w/ shower and moderate make up, 15-25 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

depends really. i hope i don’t!

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

whomst the FUCK bites lollipops ?!?!?!

60. Do you talk to yourself?

i’ve only recently started. it’s terrifying.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

when driving if i’m listening to music, yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

honestly, no clue. i don’t really sing in front of people so i haven’t gotten opinions.

63. Biggest Fear?

failure.

64. Are you a gossip?

not about my friends, ever. but i will definitely listen to any tea you want to spill.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk does kingsman count as dramatic?? the first one was hilarious.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both have their perks!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

LMAO i can name like 3 if i really try.

68. Favorite school subject?

history, english lang & lit, economics.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

extrovert but i get tired easily

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

yes ! we go to the maldives once in a while, because finland doesn’t offer much in terms of diving sites.

71. What makes you nervous?

not a lot of things? i guess some responsibilities. things left for me to do even if someone else was supposed to do them.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

a dark room ? no. a dark forest at midnight ? hell yess. finnish winter darkness is terrifying simply because its so depressing. seasonal depression is real yall.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends. if it’s a trivial mistake and they haven’t asked to be corrected, no. if it makes me or someone else feel bad or just makes any situation worse, then yes. but never unkindly.

74. Are you ticklish?

YES. ugh

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

no. i can’t recall doing so, at least. but i have participated in spreading them.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yes. at work a couple of times simply out of necessity and also when i took part in MEP. was committee president twice and president of the general assembly once. though idk if that counts since i was like 17 and its all p much play pretend.

oh! and also when i captain our boat. but again, idk if that counts.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah, ever since i was like 16 :/

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no, and never will. not my thing !!

79. Who was your first real crush?

probably a boy from class. i can’t remember, really. i’ve never been too  ‘romantically inclined’ i  suppose.

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my ears, once.

81. Can you roll your Rs?

almost every r in the finnish language is technically rolled so yeah. i feel bad for those finnish people who cant !! makes everything so hard.

82. How fast can you type?

according to this thing 75 words per minute on my first try, so idk how accurate that is.

83. How fast can you run?

not fast. i  hate running, and am very out of practice. 

84. What color is your hair?

idk ? like, light brown ?

85. What color are your eyes?

again, idk. blue/green/grey

86. What are you allergic to?

dogs, cats, birch, and almost anything that flowers in the spring jshbdsjh

87. Do you keep a journal?

not a journal per se but i have a ‘little black book’ which i keep rather meticulously about my thoughts on the day, important things i need to remember, my expenses etc. a habit inherited from my dad. i’ve gone through like six of these in the past few years.

88. What do your parents do?

my mum is a mayor and my dad is a ceo

89. Do you like your age?

yeah !

90. What makes you angry?

injustice.

91. Do you like your own name?

yes !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

ksjdsjhb no. at this rate i’d end up naming a child crowley or sum shit

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i don’t want kids but if i did gender would be a non issue

94. What are you strengths?

lmao i have good people skills, work well under pressure, get along with everyone, am determined and ?? a good leader??? idk

95. What are your weaknesses?

i take on too much responsibility, i have anxiety and depression, i get frustrated at my own failures, i’m very self-critical and unforgiving. also no self-control when it comes to rp.

96. How did you get your name?

i think somewhere from my dad’s side, not entirely sure.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

possibly? not sure. but fun fact! a great great grandmother (? or something of the sorts) from my mother’s side actually survived the sinking of the titanic.

98. Do you have any scars?

wasn’t this asked already?

99. Color of your bedspread?

this blue mandala like pattern idk

100. Color of your room?

white and a very mellow blue

[kiheons]

Imagine in the hatefucking au one night aquaria accidentally leaves some heels at briannas after they fuck and the next party they hook up at Brianna is wearing aquarias shoes (they’re the same shoe size, cute) as an excuse to interact with her and all aquaria can think is how good her heels make Briannas legs look

Brianna tormenting Aquaria over expensive shoes

Aquaria leaves a ton of stuff at Brianna’s place, shirts, socks, heels, she’s left her underwear more than one. Sometimes she’ll borrow Brianna’s instead or grab Brianna’s stuff instead of hers. In this particular instance Aquaria, who is not stupid and knows that it’s always a good idea to have an emergency pair of flats, goes home in those and forgets her heels at Brianna’s place. Brianna notices right away because she definitely doesn’t own these shoes but Aquaria is a 7.5 like her and these are expensive so Brianna is gonna wear them. It’s Aquaria’s own dumb fault for leaving these. 

They go to a party about two weeks from then and Brianna is wearing the heels and this cute silver mini dress. Aquaria clocks it right away. Drops her conversation right away to go up to Brianna and hiss in her ear “Are you wearing my shoes” Brianna just like yes, you left them at my place I assumed it was a gift. Aquaria like okay clearly I was dead tired if I left these at your place and thank god it was you instead of some random hook up “those are 700 dollar red Louboutin Pigalles it took me such a long time to save up the money to buy them so give them back.” Brianna like no if you wanted them you wouldn’t have left them at my apartment. Aquaria looks pissed and a little panicked “I was fucking tired, give them back Brianna” Brianna thinking about it for a second “hmmmm….no” 

Aquaria literally spends the whole party trailing after Brianna telling Brianna to give them back and making sure Brianna doesn’t fuck them up. “I can walk like an adult Aquaria you don’t have babysit me” Aquaria is clearly not happy “These are 700 fucking dollars and I’m broke so I’m making sure you don’t ruin my babies. If you don’t want me to follow you then give them back.” Brianna sticking up her nose. “I don’t have any other shoes.” Aquaria like “then take them off and go barefoot I don’t care give me my damn shoes back” Brianna like if you’re broke why do you have 700 dollar shoes and Aquaria hissing “cause I like nice things Brianna and I deserve to have some nice things so for the love of god give them back!” “If they’re that important you should take better care of them” Aquaria sounds a little hysterical now “I was fucking tired, I barely made it into my apartment, I literally feel asleep on my carpet  so give me my fucking shoes back!” Brianna tracing the rim of her glass with her finger. “if you were that tired you could have just stayed over.” Aquaria huffing “maybe I should have cause then you wouldn’t have stolen my shoes!” 

“Brianna there’s a spilled drink, Brianna be careful don’t scuff them, Brianna don’t walk over there they’re gonna get dirty” and Brianna is getting really really fucking annoyed. “Oh my god, go do something else! Stop following me!” Aquaria is not having it “Give my shoes back then! I’m not leaving you alone with these just so you can ruin them!” Brianna rolling her eyes “I’m not going to ruin them you’re so dramatic.” Aquaria like yes I’m being dramatic cause those are literally 700 fucking dollars and I have like max 200 in my bank account right now those shoes are more important to me than your life so give them back before I kill you “Look, we’re the same size right? I’ll let you wear my heels just please give them back” Brianna is honestly having fun seeing Aquaria squirm. “I think the shoes you’re wearing right now are ugly” Aquaria is trying very hard to to scream at Brianna and Brianna can tell that Aquaria is at the end of her rope “They’re not ugly and you know it! Give me my fucking Pigalles back!” 

Brianna faking offense “you’re being so rude. I don’t know Aquaria, I don’t feel inclined to help out someone who’s being this mean to me.” Aquaria looks like her head is going to explode “Then what do I have to do for you to give me MY shoes back? You know, the shoes that I own and paid for and that belong to me?” Brianna is gonna take any chance she has to fuck with Aquaria. “I’ll only give them back if you tell me how pretty I am for a whole hour” Brianna is genuinely joking. She’ll give them back at the end of the night. Except Aquaria doesn’t hesitate “You look great in that dress and those heels make your legs look great because they’re 700 fucking dollars and I busted my ass to be able to buy these. Your makeup is nice and you have pretty hair and you smell good.” Aquaria is gritting her teeth, someone might as well be holding a gun to her head. “you’re a good kisser, your lipstick choice is not as tacky as it usually is and your teeth are cute.” Brianna like okay one of those was definitely an insult and the other was just fucking weird. “You think I’m good kisser?” Aquaria looks a bit caught off guard “Does it matter? Give me my shoes back.” 

“Aquaria you know I was joking about telling me how pretty I am, right?” Aquaria is like “I don’t know you’re a sadist so who knows what your fucked up brain comes up with. I want my goddamn shoes back.” Brianna like hold up “if you’re willing to tell me how pretty I am for a whole hour I’m not going to stop you” Aquaria growling in frustration “I don’t want to do that I just want my shoes back!” “Then tell me how pretty I am for 20 minutes.” Aquaria muttering “i hate you, I hate you so fucking much Brianna. You’re a terrible human being and I hate you.” Brianna is not impressed. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment. Guess I’ll be keeping your shoes.” Aquaria cursing “Fuck! Okay, okay jesus christ. You’re pretty okay? You’re fucking cute and you have a nice ass. Your legs look really good in those heels but they always look good. You’re actually good at kissing, uh you’re good at making coffee. You have pretty eyes, I like how you do your eyeliner, it’s actually not terrible. You have a cute laugh and your hair is soft and you’re really good at eating pussy. Uh, you can do your taxes? I assume you can do your taxes. You actually know how to cook and your apartment is only a mess like 30% of the time.” Aquaria whining “I don’t know what else do you want to hear? Brianna this sucks!” 

“How is knowing how to do my taxes a compliment? Do you not know how to do your taxes?” Aquaria mumbling “i just call my dad and try and figure it out. I’m not sure I’m doing them right but that’s a problem for future me.” Brianna like wow okay when the IRS shows up at your door I’m gonna pretend like I don’t know you. “Just tell me what you like about me” Aquaria like Brianna I hate you there’s nothing I like about you “Then just make something up.” “You’re a great chemical engineer.” Brianna like Aquaria what does that have to do with anything “You told me to make something up! Look can I just have my shoes back? Please? I worked really hard to pay for those.” Brianna is okay okay fine you can have them back. “I don’t have other shoes and honestly this party is winding down anyway.” The two of them leave and Brianna like my apartment is only like 4 blocks away we can walk. Aquaria is not having it “i’m not letting you walk back to your apartment in my shoes. You’re going to wreck them. I’m calling an uber.” Brianna like Aquaria that’s going to take even longer I walked here in them it’s fine. Aquaria looks horrified. “You fucking walked here in my shoes? Are you serious?” 

“Aquaria they’re shoes. You’re supposed to walk in them.” Aquaria is mildly shrieking “Not if they’re 700 dollars! Why would you do that, oh my god I’m gonna have a panic attack” Brianna like Aquaria calm the fuck down they’re fine the shoes are fine don’t worry. “Look if it’s freaking you out that much I’ll take them off.” Aquaria like I thought you said you didn’t have other shoes. “I don’t but clearly you’re losing your shit over this.” Aquaria looks conflicted. “Just…just walk carefully, okay?” Brianna is a bit surprised “I thought you’d want me to take them off?” Aquaria looking at Brianna like she’s stupid. “This is New York. There’s all kind of crap on the streets. I’m not that fucked up that I’m making you walk barefoot. Just please be careful, I worked really really fucking hard to be able to afford these, okay?” Brianna like okay okay I’ll be careful I promise. It takes them an extra 10 minutes to get back to Brianna’s apartment cause Aquaria is micromanaging how Brianna walks.

They finally get back and Aquaria is like okay take them off right away. Brianna finally giving Aquaria her shoes back and the first thing Aquaria does is inspect them. “Aquaria they’re fine. I wasn’t going to fuck them up, I could tell they were expensive.” Aquaria ignores Brianna and just does her thing. “Okay, they look fine. They look okay, thank god.” Brianna like you love those shoes more than me don’t you. Aquaria glaring at her “These are 700 dollars. At most you’re worth 3 bucks and a stick of gum.” Brianna like w o w glad to hear how you see me. “I regret giving you the shoes back. You’re back to being a bitch.”  Aquaria like well tough luck cause you gave them back and now all your leverage is gone cause you’re a poor bitch who doesn’t have anything designer. “Aquaria you’re a poor bitch too, I’m just a poor bitch who knows how to manage my money since clearly I can do my taxes.” Aquaria pouting “I know how to do my taxes! I think.” Aquaria getting her heels and she’s getting ready to leave when Brianna is just like “hey before you go-” Aquaria turning around like yeah whats up “Wanna fuck?” Aquaria grinning, setting down her heels. “I’m down.” 

[originaldisneydescendants]

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

Tagged by:

@askvarian-alchemyisforstuds

Tagging: If you want to do it, consider yourself tagged.

1. What is you middle name? Jeanne

2. How old are you? 22 3. When is your birthday? July 10 4. What is your zodiac sign? Not into Zodiacs 5. What is your favorite color? Pink, blue and purple 6. What’s your lucky number? N/A 7. Do you have any pets? A husky mix named Olivia NJ after the singer and a budgie named Azul 8. Where are you from? Originally: Concord, California 9. How tall are you? 5′2.5” 10. What shoe size are you? 8 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Um... six I think? Probably another pair or two hidden somewhere in my closet. 12. What was your last dream about? My mom and I escaping some weird lady who was chasing us. At one point I was riding behind her on a motorcycle and she popped a wheelie. 13. What talents do you have? I've been told that I'm good at singing, art (painting, drawing, sculpting etc.) and writing (prose/poetry) 14. Are you psychic in any way? No, but I have had prophetic dreams of God just making me aware of what's currently going on in my life 15. Favorite song? A million songs is all it's gonna take, a million songs for the playlist I'm gonna make! 16. Favorite movie? Prince of Egypt, Coco 17. Who would be your ideal partner? The video is pretty cheesy but A Man of God like the one described in this one song 18. Do you want children? Yeah, someday 19. Do you want a church wedding? And I was my pastor to officiate it 20. Are you religious? Let me put it this way, Jesus died for me. How could I do anything less than live for Him? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? On a field trip 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Not to my memory, no 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Define 'met' then define 'celebrity'. I've MET people who are well-known but not exactly celebrity status and asked a question at a Q&A with someone who I guess could be considered a minor celebrity? 24. Baths or showers? Showers and long ones 25. What color socks are you wearing? N/A 26. Have you ever been famous? Voted 'Most Artistic' freshman year at High School, does that count? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? HAHAHAHAHAHA no 28. What type of music do you like? Most kinds as long as it's not screamo or too folky and even then I may have an exception or two 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Maybe when I was a little kid? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Lots 31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach or curled up 32. How big is your house? My mom called it a 'cracker box' house 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Muffins, crepes or waffles 34. Have you ever fired a gun? I'm probably the only person in my family and the whole state who hasn't 35. Have you ever tried archery? In High School P.E. yeah 36. Favorite clean word? Shoot! 37. Favorite swear word? I generally don't swear. I could probably count the number of times on my hands. If you ever hear me swear... run 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 24-48 hours? I don't remember 39. Do you have any scars? Everywhere 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Define 'secret' 41. Are you a good liar? I don't think so, I try to avoid lying as much as I can 42. Are you a good judge of character? I think so? Not if I have a crush on them though unfortunately 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? A few, I'm not sure how many 44. Do you have a strong accent? I guess? I tend to pronounce my Ts as Ds like people in the area do 45. What is your favorite accent? Scottish and French, maybe British as well 46. What is your personality type? ISFP last I checked 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? An outfit that my grandmother bought for my last Easter with a black boat-neck top and a poofy black and white skirt 48. Can you curl your tongue? Yup 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 50. Left or right handed? Right 51. Are you scared of spiders? I used to be very arachnophobic but I think I'm getting a little better. I think it would be a lot easier if they didn't bite or move so fast. I'm gonna have to get used to them because my mom now lives in a rural house and they have orb-weaver spiders EVERYWHERE 52. Favorite food? Honey-walnut shrimp, rotisserie hot dogs and pizza 53. Favorite foreign food? Ethiopian stew and call me weird, I like calamari and kim nori 54. Are you a clean or messy person? It fluctuates 55. Most used phrase? “LORD help me.” 56. Most used word? Cool 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? I am slow so it takes forever 58. Do you have much of an ego? I try not to? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? When I'm not just letting it sit in my mouth, I gnaw like an animal chewing on a bone 60. Do you talk to yourself? Of course I do. I have a lot to say and few people willing to hear me ramble 61. Do you sing to yourself? When I'm home alone 62. Are you a good singer? I got a four out of five score in my High School's solo and ensemble competition and I believe I have improved since then 63. Biggest Fear? Very venomous things 64. Are you a gossip? I really try not to but sometimes some nameless gossip slips out of me 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Besides Prince of Egypt, The Case for Christ actually had me crying through most of it 66. Do you like long or short hair? Both have pros and cons. Short hair doesn't get knotted or tangled but you can't do the braids you want and if you go to sleep with wet hair you will wake up to a monster on your head that you can't get rid of 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Here we go... California, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Colorado, Texas, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Missouri, Ohio, Illinois, New York, Massachusetts, Georgia, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Alabama, Hawaii, Alaska, Maine, Maryland, Rhode Island, Nebraska, Virginia, West Virginia, Arkansas, Wyoming, Mississippi, Louisiana, Utah, Michigan, and here are the rest that I got from the Animaniac's song: Indiana, New Jersey, Delaware, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Kansas, Iowa, 68. Favorite school subject? Art and Creative Writing 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Usually an introvert but I have extroverted moments 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope 71. What makes you nervous? Public speaking 72. Are you scared of the dark? I was when I was a kid 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? ...I have a habit 74. Are you ticklish? Don't touch me 75. Have you ever started a rumor? If I have it was unintentional and I was unaware of it 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Does backstage security count? 77. Have you ever drank underage? Depends. Does that include church communion? 78. Have you ever done drugs? I drink a lot of caffeine 79. Who was your first real crush? Hunter from Kindergarten, he had curly hair and dimples and to this day that remains a weakness of mine 80. How many piercings do you have? I don't even have my ears pierced, not that I have anything against it, it just never happened 81. Can you roll your Rs? The ability comes and goes 82. How fast can you type? I took a whole class on typing and I have no clue 83. How fast can you run? I ran a mile in 12 minutes and I think that was me at my fastest 84. What color is your hair? Brown 85. What color are your eyes? Dark brown 86. What are you allergic to? I may have a slight allergy to the adhesive in band-aids depending on where I put them 87. Do you keep a journal? I've tried repeatedly but it always gets neglected 88. What do your parents do? My mom is a caretaker for the elderly and my dad is a retired under sheriff/paramedic who now drives the city bus and teaches driving 89. Do you like your age? I'm in the prime of life yo 90. What makes you angry? My brother taking a whole box of food, eating half of it and throwing the rest away without touching it... 91. Do you like your own name? Yeah 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Not the most unique but I like Luke and Matthew for boys and maybe Akina for a girl? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? See above 94. What are you strengths? Spirit. 95. What are your weaknesses? *Opens book* *Ahem* chapter one... 96. How did you get your name? My name means hillside/slope and I was named after where my dad proposed to my mom... also a perfume company 97. Were your ancestors royalty? Not that I'm aware of 98. Do you have any scars? Didn't I already answer this one? 99. Color of your bedspread? Cream with gold stars 100. Color of your room? Way too light to be beige and dull? I'm not sure...

[tango-uniformed]

Attica! Attica!

This sucks but I like Attica as a neurotic republican politician. Idk how to write Leon being mute or whatever I just gave him a stutter bc...communication. Also I dearly wanted Serena to have a solid place in the cast so I was like, what the hell, she can be on Attica’s staff. Idk if she should have an important position like campaign manager or something but rn she’s just an assistant. Also since this is Attica’s POV Serena is less funny and Leon is idk more caring than he actually is bc she perceives them that way (Serena is actually funny and Leon is actually a dick)

Its funny because I’m pretty sure Attica is going to be the “good guy” on the protagonists side and help them and Milo is going to end up being a terrifying source of trouble for everyone. Also I was like ok and rolled the ethnicity dice and was like the Kings can be Chinese and the surname King was changed by their grandfather from Qing when their family really started grabbing power, and then was like ok Serena’s adopted but she’s of Iranian origin (guess that means Danny is too)

$$$$$

Attica King averaged 4 hours of sleep a night. And that was if she was lucky.

Looking at twitter was giving her heart palpitations, but what was she supposed to do, 5 weeks before the Midterm elections? Her numbers guy said that her district would re-elect her by a large margin-- it was red. It had always been red. It wasn’t like that hippie freak who was running against her had a chance in hell. People in Indiana loved her. People in DC though, where she spent considerably more of her time, hated her guts. The vitriol and fake news that journalists were spewing about her online proved that much.

“I’m gonna kill somebody,” Attica said. It was 7 am. She had already been to the gym, showered, sensibly done her hair and make-up, and put on the kind of suit that said ‘listen to me you dummy’. She brandished her phone at her Chief of Staff. “Do you see what they’re saying about me, Leon? They act like I’m some kind of younger, smarter, Chinese female version of Stalin all because they can’t bully me into voting for their stupid gun regulations. People are out there blowing each other up with their minds! What the fuck am I supposed to do, help get rid of guns and leave every sucker who can’t do magic defenseless?”

Leonard, Attica’s Chief of Staff and younger brother, shrugged helplessly. She liked to think of him as the RFK to her JFK. Without the whole getting shot in the head thing. “G-get off twitter,” he said. He was not partaking in the breakfast that Attica’s assistant picked up for the team. Something about the breakfast pastries and espresso made him bitch about how unhealthy it all was. Leon opted to bring a protein shake instead, which worked out for him. At 6 feet tall and weighing over 200 pounds of muscle, he was often mistaken for her bodyguard if he wasn’t dressed up. He kept his black hair shorn close to his head, which didn’t help either. It made him look like he was the type to rip people apart with his bare hands. “You’re obsessing.”

“Where the fuck is Myers?” she asked. “He’s my communications director. Shouldn’t he be out here, I don’t know, directing? Putting an end to all this fake bullshit.” Attica looked at her phone again, pulling up a particularly offensive tweet. “‘ King is unhinged and desperate, putting the needs of lobbyists in front of the needs of her constituents.’--and this is posted with that terrible picture of me, that unflattering close-up where I had pollen in my eyes so they looked red.” She was gripping her phone so tightly that her knuckles went white. “Now whose fault was that? I didn’t have my eye-drops.”

The only other staff member present, Attica’s personal assistant of 3 years, went bug eyed. This was magnified by her thick lensed glasses. She put up her hands defensively and almost dropped the armful of manila folders she was holding. “That’s not my fault, that picture was from when I took some personal time off.”

“That was when you were vacationing in the mental hospital again and I had to rely on a temp for two weeks and was completely up shit creek without you, Serena, so yes it was completely your fault.”

Serena was in her mid 20’s and pretty in a frazzled, underfed, nerdy way. She had only been hired because she was Iranian or something and Attica had been afraid she looked racist after making some allegedly offensive comments while supporting the President’s drone strikes in the Middle East. As it turned out, Serena was brilliant and had graduated from Notre Dame with a degree in Political Science, an inexplicable Chemistry minor, and a desire to work on the Hill. The only reason Attica hadn’t appointed her to a more important position at this point was due to her unfortunate tendency to eat handfuls of pills whenever life got too stressful.

Attica quickly cycled back to the matter at hand. She poured some coffee, which she knew would only make her keep vibrating. It was her 3rd cup of the day. She felt like a hummingbird. “What am I going to do about these people degrading me online?”

From where he sat on the couch, Leon leaned over to out his face in his hands. Dramatic bitch. “For the last time, remember the first amendment.”

“R-r-remember the f-f-first amendment,” Attica repeated in a high pitched child’s voice, mocking him. She chugged the rest of her coffee and caught Serena staring at her like she had lost her mind. At this rate she was going to going to have a heart attack before she turned 40. “Grandfather would have sent someone after those motherfuckers with a crowbar.”

“G-Grandfather was a monster.”

He was right. But being monstrous was just more effective. Who was that old dead guy who said it was better to be feared than loved? Napoleon?

Attica kept looking at her phone. Too bad people didn’t seem to fear her yet. She could feel the blood pounding in her face. When she was angry, her skin turned very red, blotchy and unattractive. It couldn’t be helped. And what she was reading made her angry. Half of what she was mentioned in was negative. And half of those were violent, threats against her. “Here,” she said, landing on an egregious one. “‘King’s giant tits once again distracting everyone from her cloven hooves lol’. I want this person dragged into the street and shot.”

“Jesus C-Christ, c-c-calm down.” The muscles in Leon’s face tightened. He was gritting his teeth.

“Ma’am, maybe you should put your phone away,” said Serena.

Attica kept reading. “‘The NRA owns King but how would she like it if she got used as target practice’. ‘If I saw (pretend this is an at sign)AtticaKingIN in real life I would punch that bitch in the face.’” She began to breathe faster. Were these people from Indiana? Would they vote? Did they actually hate her? Who were these people? “‘King is part of the GOP gestapo’. ‘(at)AtticaKingIN doesn’t care about gun violence in her own state, vote her out!’ ‘I hate that dumb cunt (at)AtticaKingIN she needs to shut her mouth or suck my dick’. ‘I--”

Leon stood up, snatched Attica’s phone out of her hands, then held it above her head where she couldn’t reach it. Attica punched him in the chest but her brother was a wall of muscle and didn’t seem to feel it.

“Seriously, A, you need to c-calm down,” he told her. Attica punched him again. “I don’t want to know about the threats anyone’s making towards you, it’s upsetting. At 9, that lobbyist who works for Madeline C-Caligaris--”

“Do you want some xanax?” Serena interrupted.

Attica spun around to glare at her. She was aware of how flushed she must look. It was just...she cared so much about what people thought about her. “No,” she said coldly, but breathing heavily. She brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Imagine if Grandfather could see her now. After all, he had wanted Leon to head the family business. Hell, before he died, the old man had even expressed regret for treating their youngest..brother, Milo, like a stray dog. But never her. And Attica had tried so hard for all those years and slaved away just to get his validation… “Do you need a xanax, Serena?”

“I do now,” muttered Serena.

Attica tried to grab her phone one more time, then gave up and sat down.

It wasn’t even 7:15.

She took a deep breath to clear her head. “Ok. Tell me about this lobbyist. Calligaris-- that’s the Proverge exec, right?”

Leon nodded curtly. He put his sister’s phone in his breast pocket and sat down next to her. With a sudden rush of urgency, Attica realized that all he had wanted to do was protect her. How had their roles switched like that? When they were little she constantly made herself torment the kids who picked on him for the way he talked. After 30 years he barely even stuttered anymore. “C-can I get those files from Foster v Proverge, please?” Serena leafed through her armful of papers and presented him with the relevant ones. “Thanks. You read this, A?”

“Let’s work under the assumption that I didn’t.” She had been too busy talking to her numbers guy about the polls the previous night to actually look into anything that would affect her policies.

“Proverge wants to build a factory in your district. Magic distillation for use in their products. 200 new jobs. They c-can’t get approval in Indiana anymore-- they c-can’t get approval from most places these days because of all the lawsuits. People protest.”

Attica rolled her eyes. Liberals. “What lawsuits?”

“From the early 2000’s. Proverge distillation factories in Georgia, Tennessee, and Michigan all attempted to c-cover up widespread negative variant medical symptoms that affected workers who were exposed to thauma-slurry being distilled unsafely.” Leon flipped a few pages of the file. “Mostly c-cosmetic. But there were c-claims that the exposure to the slurry also lead to violent psychological problems and some c-clearly unsafe environmental effects.”

People were so whiny. Attica shrugged. “200 new jobs is more important than a couple honest mistakes the company made. I want to make this happen-- an announcement about job creation could really push my numbers in the polls. If protests become a problem, I’ll just send in the cops to clean them up.” She paused. “Or, I’ll send in Milo.”

Leon looked at her like he was trying to peerinto her soul or something. His broad, honest face was genuinely concerned. What did he see in her face? Did he see the will to do whatever she had to? “He’s g-g-getting worse. You c-can’t keep doing that.”

“The fuck I can.”

“He’s not listening to me anymore.” Leon’s face twisted up. Out of the whole family, he was the only one who treated Milo as more than he was. He allowed their deviant half brother to terrorize everyone as he pleased, just because he felt sorry for the bastard. “He’s go-g-going to screw up.”

The thing about Milo, was that someone had to be holding his leash.

“He’s fine,” Attica said with finality. “Maybe if he fucks up bad enough, he’ll actually learn his lesson.”

Leon stood up, handed her phone back, and walked out of the room without saying another word.

“Are you talking about your creepy little brother again?” asked Serena. She was scurrying around, straightening up the breakfast pastries and exuding her nervous energy. “He makes me uncomfortable.”

Attica massaged her forehead. “Me too,” she said. “Can you get in touch with the Proverge people and make sure they’re on their way?”

“On it.”

She could feel a headache coming on. But getting the credit for creating 200 new jobs... it was worth it. It was even worth dealing with Milo. It was worth it. She could be proud of herself. It was worth it. It would all be worth it.

Wouldn’t it?

[stopxxchorlie-blog]

Illusion -ii-

Lance Tucker x Female Reader

Prompts/ Summaries: You are a 20 year old gymnast, who is training for her next, and probably last Olympic Game. Although you have won gold every year since you were 16, you mother and her husband Mark were never proud of you. She wanted you to be a rich lawyer like Mark, or a socialite like she was. Your mother insists you come to her annual charity event with a boyfriend, which you don’t have, but despite being a complete dick 100% of the time, Lance volunteers to pretend to be your boyfriend for your parents. What will happen? (I mean come on now y’all, we ALL know what happens in every situation like this, but like we still read them?)

Warnings: Swearing? Shirtless Lance?

Word Count: 2,859

Previously on... Illusion: Part One

PART TWO

Are you almost done?” Lance laid on your bed with his hands behind his head as you finished packing some stuff.

“Yeah give me five seconds.” You popped your head out of your closet before returning to folding the last of your clothes.

“You said that 10 minutes ago, we are going to miss the flight.”

“Stop nagging, you sound like my mother.” You zipped up your suitcase and brought it out into your bedroom. “Ok I’m done.”

“Finally.” Lance stood up. “Your bed is really comfortable Y/N. Should we get back into it?”

“I really hate you, you know that right?”

“Don’t kid yourself, you don’t hate me.” Lance smiled and walked out of your bedroom. You brought your suitcase out to Lance’s car. He opened the trunk and you put it in before walking to the passenger door and getting in. Lance’s black Cadillac was ridiculous but, it screamed Lance. Lance closed the driver’s door and turned on his car. The engine purred to life and the radio started playing. Lance had a playlist playing and the song Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado started blasting through the speakers.

“You listen to this?” You were holding back a laugh.

“Fuck you it’s a good song.” Lance looked over before backing out of your parking lot and heading down the road towards the highway.

The song continued to play and you found yourself singing along quietly. Lace would glance over to you every now and again when you’d say certain phrases. The next song to play was Starboy by The Weeknd

“You know, your playlist is very douchey, but It’s not bad.”

“Thank you? I’ve never had someone say my playlist is douchey but there’s a first for everything.”

You guys arrived at the airport and check in, sending your large suitcases on the way before heading over to the ridiculous line for security. The line took 45 minutes alone to get to the metal detectors. After an eternity and a half, you found your gate and set your stuff on a chair before plopping down.

“Do you want anything? I’m going to walk around and see what’s good.”

“If there is a Starbucks, I’ll take coffee.”

“Anything else?”

“If you stumble upon food, I won’t object.”

“Ok, I’ll brb.”

Lance walked off somewhere and you pulled out your phone, sending your mother a text that you were at the airport and what time your flight should land. She responded with an ok, and that she will have someone pick you up at the airport. You closed out your messages and put in your headphones. You played some music and put your feet up onto the chair, leaned your head on your hand, which rested on the arm rest. You closed your eyes and relaxed a bit, since you knew that you wouldn’t be getting much relaxation next 4 days. After a few minutes, you felt Lance’s presence return. You opened your eyes and saw he had a coffee extended towards you.

“Thanks.” You grabbed the cup and took a drink.

“No problem.” Lance looked over his shoulder towards the restaurant. “I forgot about food, but I saw the fucking hottest chick, I wish I could find a closet somewhere and invite her.”

You rolled your eyes and drank your coffee. “You’re ridiculous.” Lance had no response, except for the side look he gave you before drinking his own coffee.

The flight began boarding an hour later, once you guys found your seat you made yourself comfortable again, or at least as comfortable as you could on an airplane. It was 6am, so the plane was fairly packed for being an early 4th of July weekend flight. It had been a while since you’ve flown, so you were thankful that you wore shorts and a tank top, unlike Lance who was in dark jeans and a white t shirt.

30 minutes after taking your seats, the plane was finally moving towards the runway to take off. You pulled out a pack of gum to chew so your ears wouldn’t pop.

“Do you want gum?” You looked over to Lance while putting your piece of gum in your mouth.

“Sure.”

The plane lifted and took to the sky while you watched Los Angeles’ skyline become smaller and smaller in the sunrise. Once the light became too much you closed the blind and pulled out the book you had been reading. Lance took out his phone and headphones, putting them in his ears before playing music, he closed his eyes and crossed his arms.

You had made it about 2 more chapter into your book when Lance’s head fell onto your shoulder. You looked over and saw that he was fast asleep. You decided not to shrug him off, since he was going to have hell to deal with back home. You hadn’t made it past the end of the chapter before you had also dozed off.

You awoke to someone grabbing your thigh and shaking it slightly. You opened your eyes and were immediately met with Lance’s blue ones.

“Hey we just landed.”

You stretched and let out a yawn before gathering your stuff.

Your mother had promised someone would be at the airport to pick you up, but you didn’t imagine it would be a chauffeur. You exchanged glances with Lance before following the man to the car he had parked outside. It was warm on the east coast, but wasn’t nearly as warm as California. The ride to your mother’s was a short one, she lived in a suburb only 5 miles away from the airport. You had never been to this house, since your mom had only lived here for a year.

The house was ridiculously large, there was a half circle driveway in the front with, of course, a fountain in the middle. The car came to a stop before the door was opened for you and Lance.

“Well, here were go.” You looked at Lance and he winked down at you before grabbing your hand and intertwining it with his. The two of you walked towards the front door and you grabbed the handle opening it. The foyer was empty but there were 4th of July decorations up.

“MOM?” You called out, before walking out of Lance’s grasp and looking towards the kitchen.

“Y/N, You’re here already?!” Your mother’s voice rang out from upstairs. You turned around and looked at the woman walking down the stairs. You walked towards her and she brought you into a hug. Once you guys separated, she held you at arm’s length, giving you a look up and down. “You’re getting way too skinny sweetheart. We need to make sure you eat this weekend.”

“Mom, I have to be in shape for trials next week.”

“I’m still making sure you eat, screw your diet.”

“Mom, this is Lance. You guys have met before, but he,” You took a second before finishing your sentence, the words coming out so foreign. “is my boyfriend.” You walked closer to Lance and grabbed his arm. He looked down and you, slightly shocked by the contact. “Lance this is my mother, Y/M/N.”

“Oh yeah, aren’t you Y/N’s coach?”

Lance nodded, and looked at you. “Uh, yep. It’s great to finally meet you. Or officially meet you, should I say.”

“Leave it up to my daughter to get herself an older man, and her coach, of course.” Your mother rolled her eyes and motioned between Lance and you. You shifted where you stood and shot her a look. “You two must be exhausted, let me show you to where you’ll be staying.” Your mother turned around and headed back up the stairs. You look up at Lance and clenched your jaw before signaling your eyes towards your mother. Lance chuckled under his breath before putting a finger gun towards his head and pretending to shoot it.

You started up the stairs and followed your mother up towards a bedroom, she opened the door and lead you guys in.

“Hopefully this will be fine? There was bathroom through that door there.”

“Yeah it’s fine thanks mom.”

“Ok well I’ll leave you guys to get comfortable, I had Andrew bring your stuff up while we were talking, your suitcases are in the closet, over there.” Your mother walked past and closed the door after she stepped into the hallway. You walked over to the bed and fell onto it.

“She’s even more insufferable that I remember.” You laid your arm over your face. “How the fuck will we survive?”

“Jesus Y/N, When you said she was bad, I did not think she’d be this bad. Jesus fucking Christ. I want to leave, already.”

“No you don’t” You sat up and pointed towards Lance. “We are in this together now mister. The only thing that can give us solace is the fact that there will be so much alcohol in this house this weekend.”

“Now, that is something I can look forward to.”

Lance jumped on the bed next to you and laid on his stomach, burying his face into the blanket to let out a yell.

“Did I ever mention, I just fucking hate parents. I’ve had to meet so fucking many, and I hate, all of them. Parents fucking suck.” Lance sighed in frustration before standing up and walking towards his suitcase. “I’m going to take a shower.” Lance walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. “You’re more than welcome to join.”

“Ew, no what the fuck.”

“Your loss.” Lance closed the door and turned on the shower. You rolled over on the bed and closed your eyes. You hadn’t planned on falling asleep, you just wanted to rest for a second.

When Lance come out of the bathroom in gray sweatpants and no shirt on, he was running a towel through his hair. He looked over and saw you sleeping in your clothes, as if you just knocked out. Lance threw the towel over the chair and walked over to you. He went to your converse and untied them, before sliding them off your feet and setting them next to the chair before walking back over.

“Hey, Y/N Here,” Lance grabbed the blanket from underneath you. “Let me put this blanket on you.” You shifted in your sleep, gaining enough consciousness to help get yourself tucked in before rolling over and completely passing out again. Lance walked to the other side of the bed, sliding under the blanket and taking another look at you before turning his back to you and closing his eyes.

You woke up to the setting sun hitting your face from the window. You rubbed your eyes before reaching down into your pocket, grabbing your phone. It was 15 minutes to 6, and the party was at 6:30, luckily you didn’t plan on dressing up too much. You looked to your right, finding Lance, still sleeping. He was laying on his stomach with his arms under the pillow, face towards you. You suddenly remembered that he helped you under the blanket on the bed. Lance was always cocky in LA while he was in his element, but you were really hoping that he’d let his walls down and show a softer side the next 4 days.

You took the blankets off you and stretched, Lance stirred and opened his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Almost 6. The party is at 6:30.”

“I don’t wanna go to the party.”

You stood and walked over to your suitcase and grabbed the dress that you planned on wearing, and the sandals. You walked into the bathroom and stripped yourself of you clothes and stepped into the dress. You opened the door to Lance, standing in a white button up shirt, wide open, and his grey sweatpants still. He was looking down when you emerged, not catching the look of surprise on your face, a warmth growing in your lower belly. You shook it off and cleared your throat.

“Can you zip this for me?”

“Uh, yeah.”

You walked over to Lance and turned around. He grabbed the zipper, pulling it up slowly, his fingers brushing against you slightly leaving chills up your spine at the lost contact.

“They you go.” He put his hands on your shoulders, giving them a small squeeze. You ran you hand through your hair and went back into the bathroom to put on some light makeup and lipstick. You grabbed your shoes and walked back into the bedroom towards the bed to put your shoes on.  Lance was wearing grey pants, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, the top buttons on his shirt, un done.

“I’m so proud of you, you’re not wearing red, white, and blue, or a track suit. I’m so proud.”

“You’re so funny. You know me, I like to kiss ass and make parents like me.”

“I really doubt my mother will like you, or me, or anyone but this fake life she lives.”

“Wanna bet? 100 bucks says I can make her like me.”

“You’re on.” You shook his hands while laughing and finished getting ready.

You were sitting down at one of the many tables in the backyard, drinking a glass of champagne when you felt the chair next to you move, and Lance sit down next to you.

“These people aren’t taking the bait.”

You laughed and shook your head. “Maybe they see through your bullshit.”

“But that’s not possible, I’m really good.”

You stood up, still laughing at the desperation in Lance’s voice. “Well, you can keep trying I’m going to find something stronger.” You motioned towards your glass before walking away and heading back into the empty house. There was a full bar lining the counters, with ending possibilities of mixed drinks. You decided to make yourself a jack and coke. You walked over towards the living area to look at the pictures on the fire place. There were some of Mark’s children and he and mom. Then in the middle, was a picture of you at your first Olympic Game. You were 16 and it was the same year you messed up your hamstring.

“I still remember when you won.” Mark walked up next to you and put an arm around your shoulder, kissing the top of your head. “I felt so bad that I could see you earlier kiddo.”

“It’s ok, I was tired anyways. Plus, I knew I would see you tonight.” You smiled up at him.

“When is your next competition? I want to try and get off work.”

“Um in 4 weeks is the Games, next week is trials so hopefully I’ll qualify and then I’m back to Toronto.”

“You’ll do great. I’ll even get your mother to come around.”

“Thanks Mark.” You leaned into his side hug and he squeezed your arm before walked back towards the kitchen. “Hey Lance, you treat this one well, she is amazing. Don’t hurt her.”

“She really is great.”

You kept your back towards the men, but smiled at the compliment. You heard Mark leave the room and Lance walked up next to you with a glass.

“So, does everybody love you yet?”

“No. I don’t get it; the east coast is fucked.”

You laughed and took a drink. “I’m sorry your ego is deflating.”

Lance just sighed and chugged the rest of his drink.

“Do you want another drink?”

“Yeah. Thanks” You downed your drink and handed him the glass.

“Anything specific?”

“No, not really.”

Lance walked over to the bar and you followed.

“I really don’t want to go back outside.”

“Let’s just explore.”

“I’m pretty sure there is like a movie theater down stairs. We can just watch some shitty movie and get fucking wasted.”  

“Let’s find it.”

Lance handed you the drink and he grabbed another bottle before you guys went to find the basement door. You found the door and went downstairs. There was a bunch of couches and chairs with a large screen and a wall of movies.

“So, I say we just close our eyes and pick a random one?” Lance suggested standing in front of the large shelf.

“Sure.” You walked over and pointed to a random disc. Lance grabbed it and took it off the shelf. The movie as called ‘The Covenant’.

“Well this looks god awful.”

“Yeah I’m sure there will be enough drink worthy moments.”

Lance put the disc in and you took off your shoes, sitting down and grabbing a blanket putting it on your legs. Lance took a seat by you and grabbed the bottle of Tequila. The movie was truly god awful and before you were even 20 minutes in you were already slightly drunk. Lance and you just made joke and talked shit about the whole movie. The worse character in the movie was the villain Chase, it was laughable and you found yourself just rolling your eyes and drinking whenever the movie became ridiculous.

Lance and you made it about halfway through the movie before you both knocked out. The movie playing out until the end as you guys slept.

[scarletraen]

Get To Know Me (because I'm bored)

1. What is your middle name? - Rose

2. How old are you? - 21

3. When is your birthday? - February 3

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? - I'm an artist; this is a trick question.

6. What’s your lucky number? - Luck is only an illusion.

7. Do you have any pets? - Jack, the Dog. 

8. Where are you from? - Wauwatosa, WI

9. How tall are you? - 5'5"

10. What shoe size are you? - I don't even know anymore.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - Including the ones I don't actually wear?

12. What was your last dream about? - My job...or sex.

13. What talents do you have? - I'm brighter than A LOT of my peers.

14. Are you psychic in any way? - I truly surprise myself sometimes.

15. Favorite song? - Radiohead and Temples are supreme bands.

16. Favorite movie? - Grand Budapest Hotel

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - How does one answer such a question?

18. Do you want children? - Maybe one day. Certainly not now.

19. Do you want a church wedding? - No

20. Are you religious? - No

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Just outpatient stuff.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - I was once caught in my car having a snog with my first boyfriend on private property at 3am.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - The only fame the girl band ever got were a couple of Ring Pop ads in a magazine.

24. Baths or showers? - I can't remember the last time I've had a bath.

25. What color socks are you wearing? - What socks?

26. Have you ever been famous? - I've had the thing happen multiple times where people know me but I've never seen them before in my life.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - I crave attention, but not that bad.

28. What type of music do you like? - Neo psychedelic rock.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Like once.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Three

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - I don't know, I'm sleeping.

32. How big is your house? - It's a 1978 close-concept ranch shithole.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Ummm...

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Only a pellet rifle.

35. Have you ever tried archery? - I stopped when a bit of synthetic bow feather found its way inside my finger.

36. Favorite clean word? - There are over 50,000 words in the English language, fren.

37. Favorite swear word? - Bitch. It feels good on the tongue.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - Like a day?

39. Do you have any scars? - Some girl in the third grade thought it was cute to wail some craft scissors around in art class and singed my finger. Seven stitches.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - I often wonder how many people in my life want to have sex with me at any given time, yeah..

41. Are you a good liar? - Yes.

42. Are you a good judge of character? - I'd like to think so.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - Watching a bunch of British youtubers and watching Doctor Who like twice over really paid off. But I lost it.

44. Do you have a strong accent? - No.

45. What is your favorite accent? - The one where white people think they're Russian.

46. What is your personality type? - "Nothing like the other girls"

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I bought a $60 v-neck a month ago.

48. Can you curl your tongue? - Only like a U. I can't do that weird W shit.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - How does an outie even work?

50. Left or right handed? - Write with my right hand; other than that, I'm ambidextrous.

51. Are you scared of spiders? - Not if they're just chilling on the wall.

52. Favorite food? - Potstickers...

53. Favorite foreign food? - Potstickers...

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - I'm clean, but sometimes I just don't give a shit.

55. Most used phrased? - I don't talk much actually.

56. Most used word? - Fuck.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - Like 10 minutes. I'm not dumb.

58. Do you have much of an ego? - I have my days. But I'm REALLY humble.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I bite them when there's no point in sucking anymore. ;)

60. Do you talk to yourself? - Not as much as I used to.

61. Do you sing to yourself? - In my car, like all the time.

62. Are you a good singer? - I'm not tone deaf. That's all that matters.

63. Biggest Fear? - I feel like we all have like 5 equally fearful fears.

64. Are you a gossip? - I can't help myself sometimes. It's something to talk about.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - I'm not an avid movie goer.

66. Do you like long or short hair? - Boys are cuter when they've gone without a haircut for a couple months.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - I'm not a fucking idiot, Jesus Christ.

68. Favorite school subject? - I got As in Math and Art. But science is dope too.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - I tend to not like people. A lot.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes.

71. What makes you nervous? - Potential rejection or abandonment.

72. Are you scared of the dark? - It's weird. There are a few, not a lot of situations, where..you just want the light on.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - If it doesn't take me an hour to realize the mistake.

74. Are you ticklish? - Yes.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - I'm antisocial af. No.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - No.

77. Have you ever drank underage? - My parents would buy me a drink at a restaurant if I wanted one.

78. Have you ever done drugs? - Yes.

79. Who was your first real crush? - My entire class in elementary school knew about my longing for Jerrid. They even tried to marry us in the fifth grade.

80. How many piercings do you have? Two, unless the damn second ones finally closed up.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ - RrrrRrrrRrrRrrrRrr

82. How fast can you type? - Fast enough.

83. How fast can you run? - Too slow.

84. What color is your hair? - it's turning back to its dark blonde phase, but it'll be a different color in due time.

85. What color is your eyes? Are* and that ocean blue color you see on some tropical shoreline.

86. What are you allergic to? - Stupid people.

87. Do you keep a journal? - Yeah, but I don't like to bitch a lot, so I don't have much to say.

88. What do your parents do? - Dad's retired, mom works at a bank.

89. Do you like your age? - I miss high school on my own accord.

90. What makes you angry? - What makes YOU angry?

91. Do you like your own name? - It's better than Sarah, what they were going to name me, but my Dad could have done a little better than naming me Taylor, after a playboy model he saw whilst taking a shit 21 years ago.

92. Have you already thought of baby names? - Theodore, Quinn, Cameron, Aelida, Remi, Charlotte/Lotje/Charlie

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Boys are so much easier.

94. What are your strengths? - I'm smart and pretty.

95. What are your weaknesses? - Nobody seems to notice.

96. How did you get your name? See question 91.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - No

98. Do you have any scars? - You asked me that already.

99. Color of your bedspread? - Black and beige.

100. Color of your room? - Pale lavender. 

 Isn't anybody going to ask me about sex? The fuq?

[brandiwiley87]

Get To Know Me!

Get to Know Me 1. What is your middle name? Jo
2. How old are you? 30
3. When is your birthday? March 31st
4. What is your zodiac sign? Aries
5. What is your favorite color? Pink
6. What’s your lucky number? Don't have one but any even number if I had to pick. 
7. Do you have any pets? No but my grandparents do. 
8. Where are you from? Ohio.
9. How tall are you? 5ft 1"
10. What shoe size are you? 7 1/2-8
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 8
12. What was your last dream about? I don't remember much but I know I made out with someone lol.
13. What talents do you have? I'm a pretty good writer.
14. Are you psychic in any way? Not really psychic but I've had dreams of loved ones that have passed away where they contact me. 
15. Favorite song? Right now, Tinashe "Company." 
16. Favorite movie? Harry Potter films or The Notebook. 
17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone funny, smart, loving and loyal. 
18. Do you want children? No. 
19. Do you want a church wedding? I don't want to be married. 
20. Are you religious? No.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. 
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Once and won't do it again. 
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Yes kind of. 
24. Baths or showers? Shower.
25. What color socks are you wearing? None atm.
26. Have you ever been famous? No.
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No.
28. What type of music do you like? Most genres but mostly pop, rap and r&b.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4.
31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side or stomach. 
32. How big is your house? It's my grandparents house and it's two stories and decent size. 
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cereal or pancakes. 
34. Have you ever fired a gun? No. 
35. Have you ever tried archery? No. 
36. Favorite clean word? Love.
37. Favorite swear word? Fuck.
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 25-26 hours I believe. 
39. Do you have any scars? Yes. 13 or 14. 
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yes. 
41. Are you a good liar? Not really. 
42. Are you a good judge of character? Most of the time. 
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Not really maybe a bit of southern American. 
44. Do you have a strong accent? Not to me. 
45. What is your favorite accent? British or French. 
46. What is your personality type? I'm goofy but with a serious side.
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Maybe a dress I bought from kohl's on sale. Like $25/$30 but in the past I've bought a coat that was $75. 
48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes. 
49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie. 
50. Left or right handed? Left. 
51. Are you scared of spiders? Yes very much. 
52. Favorite food? Cheeseburger or cheesecake lol. 53. Favorite foreign food? Mexican or Italian. 
54. Are you a clean or messy person? Mostly clean. 
55. Most used phrased? Probably oh my god. 
56. Most used word? Christ....I have a potty mouth lol. 
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 45 minutes for most days. 
58. Do you have much of an ego? No. 
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck. 
60. Do you talk to yourself? At times.
61. Do you sing to yourself? Everyday. 
62. Are you a good singer? No. 
63. Biggest Fear? Death. 
64. Are you a gossip? Can be. 
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Idk atm. 
66. Do you like long or short hair? On me short. 
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Given time yes. 
68. Favorite school subject? English. 
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert. 
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. 
71. What makes you nervous? A lot of things. 
72. Are you scared of the dark? At times. 
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes. 
74. Are you ticklish? Very. 
75. Have you ever started a rumor? Yes in high school like most. 
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Not really. 
77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes. 
78. Have you ever done drugs? No. 
79. Who was your first real crush? This kid Michael. 
80. How many piercings do you have? None. 
81. Can you roll your Rs?“ No. 
82. How fast can you type? Relatively. 
83. How fast can you run? So so but not too well. 
84. What color is your hair? Right now red with my brown roots coming through and a bit of that gray showing. 
85. What color is your eyes? Hazel Green. 
86. What are you allergic to? Just one type of medicine. 
87. Do you keep a journal? Not anymore. Except I do have a dream journal. 
88. What do your parents do? Mom idk right now and dad works at mcdonalds. 
89. Do you like your age? Not completely happy but it is what it is. 
90. What makes you angry? Rude ass people. 
91. Do you like your own name? Kind of. 
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Don't want kids. 
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? See above. 
94. What are you strengths? I'm a strong willed person and I'm very loyal as long as you are loyal to me. 
95. What are your weaknesses? I tend to let people in rather quickly. 
96. How did you get your name? My mother came up with it and my dad agreed to name me Brandi. 
97. Were your ancestors royalty? Not that I know of. 
98. Do you have any scars? As stated before yes 13 or 14.
99. Color of your bedspread? Several colors; pink, purple, green, blue, black, and white.
100. Color of your room? Wood paneling.

[emma-christine-spoole]

Get to Know Me

Technically tagged by

leafdapple18:

1. What is you middle name? Christine 2. How old are you? 45 3. When is your birthday? May 26, 1969 4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini 5. What is your favorite color? Black 6. What’s your lucky number? 69 7. Do you have any pets? Does the human kind count? ;) 8. Where are you from? Toledo, Ohio, originally 9. How tall are you? 5′9″ in my bare feet 10. What shoe size are you? 8.5 or 9, depends on the shoe 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 20, last time I counted 12. What was your last dream about? I was riding a train westward towards the ocean, moving back into the past and looking for old friends I hadn’t seen in years. 13. What talents do you have? Expert-level Krav Maga, sharp-shooter, computer hacker, investigator, interrogator, held the highest arrest rate in my division for years. Oh, and I can do a back-flip off a wall :) 14. Are you psychic in any way? I can see and talk to one ghost in particular. I wish I couldn’t. 15. Favorite song? Nothin’ at All  -Heart 16. Favorite movie? Sisters 17. Who would be your ideal partner? Submissive in the bedroom, on equal footing with me everywhere else 18. Do you want children? I never thought much about it, honestly 19. Do you want a church wedding? Nah. Give me the beach or Vegas. 20. Are you religious? Nope. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? No. I’ve never been caught. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? A few, mostly famous crime show hosts. I didn’t technically meet her, but I gave Belinda Carlisle roses one time. 24. Baths or showers? Both. 25. What color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing any, or any pants right now. 26. Have you ever been famous? To an extent, yes. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No. I’ve had some fame after putting away a notorious serial killer. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 28. What type of music do you like? 1970s-1980s rock 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Depends if I’m alone or with someone 32. How big is your house? In D.C.: Not-that-big two-bedroom apartment. In Portland: Pretty spacious two-story house with a wrap-around porch 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Coffee, a bagel or toast, then more coffee 34. Have you ever fired a gun? On a regular basis 35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but I’d love to! 36. Favorite clean word? Define “clean” :p 37. Favorite swear word? Fuck 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? About 36 hours 39. Do you have any scars? Bullet scar in my right shoulder. I’d rather not get into that story 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Probably. They never came forward, if I had 41. Are you a good liar? When I have to be 42. Are you a good judge of character? I’m a great judge of guilty or innocent. Character? Depends on the person and how attracted I am to him or her 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I played Magenta for two years in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, so I had that accent (German, I think?) down :) 44. Do you have a strong accent? No 45. What is your favorite accent? UK 46. What is your personality type? Dominant 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Herve Leger’s Karmina little black dress 48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 50. Left or right handed? Right 51. Are you scared of spiders? Nope 52. Favorite food? My sister’s rosemary roast chicken 53. Favorite foreign food? Italian 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy 55. Most used phrased? Jesus Fuckin’ Christ 56. Most used word? FUCK. It’s just so blunt and perfect for so many situations ;) 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Ready in the morning: about an hour. Ready at night? Long enough to zip up my corset 58. Do you have much of an ego? Yes, often too big of one, but...*shrugs. Take me or leave me. 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck and lick 60. Do you talk to yourself? Every so often 61. Do you sing to yourself? In the shower 62. Are you a good singer? My singing voice has been called “the love child of Patti Smyth and Belinda Carlisle” 63. Biggest Fear? That I’ll black out and hurt someone I care about 64. Are you a gossip? No, got no time for that BS 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? I don’t watch them if I can avoid it. Give me comedies 66. Do you like long or short hair? Women: long. Men: short 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? You want me to do that here? Seriously? 68. Favorite school subject? Basketball practice. 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but it’s on my bucket list 71. What makes you nervous? That moment before kicking a suspect’s door in, more adrenaline than nervousness though 72. Are you scared of the dark? No 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? If they’re my subordinate agents, hell yes 74. Are you ticklish? Wouldn’t you like to know? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not intentionally 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I’m a Supervisory Special FBI agent, so yes 77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes 78. Have you ever done drugs? No 79. Who was your first real crush? Tiffany Darwich *covers face in embarrassment 80. How many piercings do you have? Two, in my ears. Used to have a naval ring, but it’s against FBI regulation.  81. Can you roll your Rs?“ No, I sound possessed if I try! 82. How fast can you type? About 60 wpm 83. How fast can you run? With a good start, I can make it up the hill to my sister’s house in 35 seconds, so pretty fast. 84. What color is your hair? Dark brown 85. What color is your eyes? Blue 86. What are you allergic to? Penicillin 87. Do you keep a journal? I used to 88. What do your parents do? Mom: 911 operator. Dad: Police lieutenant. Both retired now. 89. Do you like your age? Fuck yeah. Many 20-somethings don’t have this much goin’ on ;) 90. What makes you angry? Scumbags who harm women and children 91. Do you like your own name? I love it. 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Umm, no. Never thought much about kids 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? A girl, if I had to choose, so I could teach her how to win in this man’s world :) 94. What are you strengths? I don’t give up 95. What are your weaknesses? I give in to my darker, baser urges and it can get me in trouble on occasion 96. How did you get your name? Mom and Dad almost named me “Christine”, after Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac, until they found “Emma” in a baby name book 97. Were your ancestors royalty? I have no idea. 98. Do you have any scars? You already asked me that 99. Color of your bedspread? Black and white with blood-red roses 100. Color of your room? A mix of black, white, red, and dark brown hardwood floor.

tagging: @lady-bates , @addymiller , @mignon19001 , @psychotic-bates and whoever else wants to!

[mycatslikefalloutboy]

YOU SAID I COULD MAKE YOU DO IT SO ALL OF THE LAST ASK THING YOU REBLOGGED

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Eh either way it doesn't matter but mostly open because my cats will howl if I don't open it for them2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? No they suck ass3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out Jesus Christ out 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Nope5: Do you like to use post-it notes? Eh not really 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yep7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bear8: Do you have freckles? Nah9: Do you always smile for pictures? No10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Being interrupted 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Too often 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Yeah13: What about pooped in the woods? I don't think so 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Ya15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes16: How many people have you slept with this week? Myself so no one17: What size is your bed? Twin18: What is your Song of the week? I dunno I've had She will hang the night with stars by William hofeldt (I think that's how you spell his name????) stuck in my head 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Hell yeah20: Do you still watch cartoons? Spongebob And fairly odd parents are my shit 21: Whats your least favorite movie? The Harry Potter one mads made me watch22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Um under my trampoline 23: Bra size or pants size? I'm more comfortable saying bra size, 34D24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup 25: What is your favorite food? Plain noodles26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? I dunno probably finding nemo or toy story 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Mads28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Nah30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Jeez five years ago31: Can you change the oil on a car? No32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No33: Ever ran out of gas? No34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Grilled cheese35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Doughnuts 36: What is your usual bedtime? I go to bed around 8:30 but don't fall asleep till like ten37: Are you lazy? Yeah38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Cat bat bee the girl from lazy town39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Snake40: Are you horny? Right now no 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Lincoln logs43: Are you stubborn? Yes44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? I dunno 45: Ever watch soap operas? No46: Are you afraid of heights? No47: Do you sing in the car? Ye48: Do you sing in the shower? Ye49: Do you dance in the car? Yes50: Ever used a gun? No51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? About a year ago52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Hell yeah53: Is Christmas stressful? Yes54: Ever eat a pierogi? Nope I dunno what that is55: Favorite type of fruit pie? I dunno pumpkin56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Vet 57: Do you believe in ghosts? Nah58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yah59: Take a vitamin daily? Yes60: Wear slippers? No61: Wear a bath robe? No62: What do you wear to bed? Boy shorts and a tank top 63: First concert? I've never been to a concert but I've performed at a coffee shop in first grade 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart65: Nike or Adidas? Nike66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Um I've heard my french teacher say it but no69: Ever take dance lessons? Technically yeah because when I did gymnastics they brought in a ballerina to try to teach us the different dance moves 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I dunno something fun71: Can you curl your tongue? Ya72: Ever won a spelling bee? Nah73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yep74: Own any record albums? No75: Own a record player? No76: Regularly burn incense? No77: Ever been in love? Yeah78: Who would you like to see in concert? Fall out boy79: What was the last concert you saw? Never been to one 80: Hot tea or cold tea? Hot81: Tea or coffee? Coffee82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Neither unless sugar cookies have icing 83: Can you swim well? Yes84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes85: Are you patient? No86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Band87: Ever won a contest? No88: Ever have plastic surgery? No89: Which are better black or green olives? Neither90: Can you knit or crochet? Nope91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room92: Do you want to get married? Yes93: If married, how long have you been married? Haven't been94: Who was your HS crush? My girlfriend considering we're still in high school 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No I tell96: Do you have kids? No97: Do you want kids? Hells yesss98: Whats your favorite color? Blue99: Do you miss anyone right now? Ye

[werm-whole-skwerm]

all of 'em, kiddo. every. single. last. question.

J A Y, YOU FUCKING TURD.

1. How long have you had a Tumblr?5 years. This shit blog turned 5 last month.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?It was gross. It was with a boy named Tyler that I was dating at the time. We had been dating for 3 months, and we were at my house watching tv in the den, and I was on his lap, and he leaned down and kissed me and I just went with it. It was gross and sloppy and there was teeth.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?The last time I saw my mom before she died, I didn’t hug her, and I wish I did.

4. Favorite Songs at the moment?One Jump Ahead - Sugita TomokazuChim Chim Cher-ee - Terashima TakumaDeal With - OldCodexCollar Full - Panic! At The DiscoBeez In The Trap - Nicki MinajRoundabout - YesI Want You - Savage Garden

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?I smuggled a friend over state lines without her parents knowing.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?I tripped at my graduation. Like I hit the step with my shoe and almost fell.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?I have a scar on my right upper arm from getting burnt when I was a kid. I have a scar on my right index finger cause I just lost skin on it going to math class one day? I have a scar on the base of my left thumb from getting it closed in a van window as a kid. My right knee is scarred from falling off my bike as a kid and then a week later doing the same thing and scrapping off the scab and making it worse. I used to have self-harm scars, but I don’t know if they’re there anymore.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?Hopefully in an apartment with my friends or my girlfriend with a pug named The Pug Formerly Known as Bagels and doing what I love.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?I don’t really condone drugs past weed and I don’t personally use any form of drug. The exception being alcohol. I love drinking alcohol. I love being drunk.

10. What are your views on religion?Well I’m an atheist, so I don’t really believe in religion, but also if you prescribe to a certain religion then that’s your business and it’s not my place to pass judgment or try to tell you otherwise. Just don’t shove your religion down my throat and accost me for being a non-believer, and I won’t bother you.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?Yes, many many times. When I was a teenager I researched different methods of suicide and how I wanted to do. I had things picked out. I still sometimes want to die. I can’t tell you why really. I can’t say it’s all too much or too much stress or anything, but I’m just tired of living and feel like a waste.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.-I’m adopted.-I have 4 siblings, an older brother, an older sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother in that order.-I have a phobia of newspaper.-I was in JROTC for 4 years and won a national award.-I was in honors and AP classes from the age of 10-17.

13. last really important text you got? I know it’s probably not important sounding, but she had texted me about being lucky I was her friend and it made my life.

14. Can you let go?Eventually. It takes a while, but I’m capable of it.

15. Discuss your first love.He was someone I met on Tumblr. He had messaged me something, I could probably find it in my inbox still probably. But we met through here, and he was just great. I loved everything about him. We talked all night, said things to each other that we wouldn’t tell anyone else, were always talking. Every time I saw him I got butterflies and freaked out. He was honestly something amazing to me, but it never came to fruition. I spent 2 years having an unrequited love for this boy until I realized I was gay.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.Roundabout is on here because I fucking love JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure and it’s a good song.One-Eighty by Summer is on here because Taking Back Sunday used to be my favorite band when I was younger, and I still really like them, but this was also my favorite song for a while when I was a teenager.Kick Me is on here because it’s the only good song Sleeping With Sirens has had in years.Creature is on here because I used to really love Asking Alexandria, and From Death to Destiny is one of my favorite albums of theirs, and this was briefly my favorite song.Stained Glass Eyes And Colorful Tears is on here because I fucking love Pierce the Veil, and this song is so beautiful and great and emotional.Jesus Christ is on here because I love Brand New, I grew up with it, and it’s sad, like me, and can be applied to any ship to make you sad, and I am about that life. It’s also just really good.I Love You 5 is on here because I just added a bunch of Never Shout Never. I never listen to it anymore, but I did used to love it as a teenager.Truce is on here because Vessel is an amazing album and I love twenty one pilots.Let It Roll is on here because I’m a slut for All Time Low and their sophomore album was great.Guns for Hands is on here because, as I said, Vessel is an amazing album and I love twenty one pilots.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.Japan

18. Are you currently missing someone?Not really. The only person I would be missing I’ve been talking to for like 16 and a half hours.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?It’s popular for a reason. It’s not bad, and people should just let people enjoy what the fuck they want without being a dick.

19. At what age do you think people should have sex?I’m not at a place to be able to dictate when someone should have sex. Personally speaking, I feel like anything under 18, when you’re a legal adult, is too soon, but it’s up to you. That being said, children really under 16 shouldn’t, but, again, that’s not my place to say.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?Well in 2017, I pulled myself out of a depression and met an amazing girl that’s one of my closest friends that I adore. Downside, I’ve been depressed basically all fucking year so far.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?Equal rights for all genders and sexualities, true equal opportunity for people to have homes and doctor. God. I don’t even know anymore.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?My nephew I guess. He’s more like a friend to me than a nephew. My mom biologically speaking I guess.

23. How important do you think education is?So fucking important.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?Catfish

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?God, everything. I’ve gotten better about my anxiety and depression. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve opened up more, been more honest. I’m a better person now.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.Sakurai Takahiro, Yamanaka Takuya, Morita Taka, Eguchi Takuya, Suzuki Tatsuhisa

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.Naruto: Road to Ninja. Naruto gets thrown into Bizzaro World essentially.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?Boi, this is gay, but Cam. She’s just astounding to me. I love learning things about her and talking to her about everything. I don’t know why. Maybe because I have the biggest crush on her?

29. What kind of person attracts you?Usually the nerd type. Or the tattooed and pierced type.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?Uh, well, I have a huge crush on one of my closest friends with like no chance of it being reciprocated? I guess that counts.

31. Name something that you miss.Candy and soda. I’m on a diet.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.-Get my shit sent off to my new college-Definitively find an apartment-At least play some FFXV and BOTW-Start driving lessons-Pass my classes

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? The highlight has just been reconnecting with Cam more closely. The lowest is probably stressing myself out so bad I almost cried.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?Suck dick

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?Just me as a whole. I’m insecure about everything I am because my whole life I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough, that my sister was better than I was, that I had to live up to these expectations, and now I’m insecure about my body, personality, ethnicity. Just everything.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?Roundabout, Kick Me, and Stained Glasses Eyes and Colorful Tears. They each mean something different to me, some aspect of my life represented. The weeb, the wannabe rebel, and the sad sappy bitch.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?I have a pink teddy bear named Pinky Bear that i got in 2000 when I first moved to Georgia to live with my new family. My dad’s coworker brought us toys and she was my first teddy bear and she still sleeps in my bed to this day.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? My mom, grandma, and uncle have all died.

39. What is your purpose in life?To die.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?It was a couple months ago, maybe 2. It was the ending of Final Fantasy XV.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? Play video games, eat junk food, watch anime. I don’t really know.

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?Panic! At The Disco because none of Brendon’s music sounds the same and there’s such a wide variety.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.I like the fact, I guess, I’m pretty loyal to my friends, I like what I like and that’s just gonna be a thing I’ll talk about forever, I’m pretty decently chill and try to make everyone feel welcome. Boi, I dislike the fact that I’m fucking stubborn to a goddamn t,I will grit my teeth and bear through anything anyone does to me no matter how depressed or uncomfortable it makes me, I will literally break myself just to do something for someone else.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? Nope :)

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?I sent Cam a stupid pickup line because it was both hilarious to me and I wanted an excuse to flirt with her, and I wanted to die.

46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?Yes. Wholeheartedly.

47. Do you ever wish you were famous?Online famous yes. Not real famous. I wanna be a great online personality and cosplayer. But I’m a loser who doesn’t have a personality or do cosplay well.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?My ex boyfriend blamed me for causing his anxiety attacks and threatened suicide multiple times when I realistically, or even joked, about breaking up with him. It really messed me up.

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?I want to have left someone happier than when i found them. If I can make one person’s life better, I’ll be happy.

51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?All the time.

52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?Not yet.

53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?Of course I have.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?Nothing. No one ever does anything for me.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?All night roadtrip to Nashville with my friends. I won an InuYasha at a truck stop.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?My ex girlfriend sent me the Clear nendoroid I really wanted.

59. Have you ever had your heart broken?So many times.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?Literally everything. Take your pick, I’ve wanted to change it.

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? Being depressed.

62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?Collar FullSarah SmilesCamisadoHurricaneGirls/Girls/Boys

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?Checked on me when I was feeling depressed.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?Bother Cam is she’s awake. if not, then just watch Youtube videos until I basically pass out.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?Donald Trump, the Trump administration, the republican party

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?Halloween cause free dress up holiday.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.Someone, I cannot remember her name, called me pretty out in public and it made my life????

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?Does Sasuke Uchiha count????

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?Concrete because I’m listening to it.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?twenty one pilots’ cover of Can’t Help Falling In Love.

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?Nope. Never.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?My phone. It has everything i need on it.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?I literally have no idea.

78. Are you a girly girl?Fam, I’m barely a girl half the time.

79. What color is your bed?My sheets are brown, but my quilt is mainly red.

80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?I prefer no guys.

81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?I’m constantly frustrated with their existence.

82. Do you have a best friend?Like two or three.

82. What song makes you cry the most?SECOND & SEBRING

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?I have no idea tbh. I don’t watch many movies.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?Lowkey wanna skydive, but terrified of heights.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?My existence.

86. Ever been really drunk?Almost every weekend.

87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?That would require people knowing and caring about me.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? Everything I’ve ever said and done.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?That’s what my Tumblr is for.

91. Do you like somebody?Yes. So fucking much. I think I’m dying.

92. Craziest shit ever done?Left town in the middle of the night with friends without telling anyone?

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?I dunno. I don’t really watch the news.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?Nixie, Valor, Elliott

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?Ugh. Yeah. It’s Marie.

96. Are you in a relationship?Nope, but I sure wish.

97. Do you enjoy drama?When I’m not involved.

98. Are you a virgin?Sure as hell am.

99. Are you short or tall?Short af, fam.

100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? Andres - 31Olivia - 26Ariana - 18Jacob - 17

[gingerambition]

Ginger vs. Do I Have a Type?

If you gathered the small group of guys I’ve been in relationships with you’d quickly realize they don’t look anything alike, and personality-wise I’d say the only thing they have in common is being very smart, but annoying drunks. I’ve been in Facebook official relationships with a ginger who had varsity letters in five sports, a West Point grad who wanted an industrial bar piercing, and an introverted software engineer. 

Apparently the guys I’ve been attracted to the past couple of years tend to look younger than their actual ages. I realize how super fucking creepy that sounds, but before you call Benson and Stabler, picture actors in their mid to late 20′s that play like college students, that’s what I mean. Maybe that’s from years of flight seatmates asking which colleges I’m applying to, years after graduation, or how prone my fair (read: super pale) skin is to beard burn. Regardless, the “hot” guys I literally point out to my friends look like they could be running for homecoming court or proofreading their valedictorian speeches. I’m talking tall, stick figure like builds, skin so soft they must only watch Jennifer Aniston’s Aveeno commercials, topped off with a full head of boyband-esque hair and a curfew I assume is 2 a.m. Now I’m really trying to treat single life like one big opposite day.

I’m also trying to lower my standards. Not like slutty college peak where I’d sleep with guys for their air conditioning in the summer, low standards. I used to live in a third floor glorified closet that was legally not allowed to be leased as a bedroom. So it was whoever maintained eye contact with me even after they’d seen me dance, or I would sleep on the fire escape half-naked. Either way someone was seeing my boobs whether they wanted to or not. Maybe I should phrase that as expanding my standards. When I was younger (I know I’m still young, by the time I’m 80 we’ll all just be half robots anyway) I thought smoking or too many tattoos would be a deal breaker. Now I think my only deal breakers are maybe not be a devil worshipper or one of those guys that dances with glow sticks in parking lots.

In terms of physical type, I don’t think I have one. Just be taller than me and have four limbs. I don’t have a hair color or eye color preference – you know, all the stuff you decide with a custom American Girl doll. Glasses? No. Freckles? Maybe, if I can connect them with a marker. Prior to my prom king flub, I just preferred guys with what I call, “that baseball player forearm muscle thing,” where if a dude rolls his sleeves up any further the seams would bust open romance novel style. (This is where I have to remind myself to breathe.) Also if your jeans are tight on me, that’s kind of a bummer. Luckily I only wear leggings now, so if I pick up your leggings instead of mine, I think we have a bigger problem. 

Traditionally, I avoid facial hair after a bout in college where my skin would get so red it looked like I sucked face with a box of cherry popsicles. I have recently discovered a bizarre attraction to 80's-inspired police officer mustaches – not the real gun toting cops that let me out of speeding tickets when I cry, I mean the kind in porn (I’ve heard) or most Will Ferrel movies. At first I was worried that something happened in my childhood and I needed to seek professional help. After much soul searching and La Croix cut with white wine, I think I’ve just fallen asleep to so many episodes of Blue Bloods on Ion that Tom Selleck has replaced the good decision making portion of my brain. 

My parents have always thought I’ll ultimately end up with someone older. Apparently I've always erred on the side of being “a bit much” for guys my age. I had wanted to be married before 30, but change that to “just before I die” sounds like a far more realistic and obtainable timeline. When it comes to men and marriage I think it’s a lot like musical chairs. They all kind of dance around and when the music stops some random morning, whatever chair they were inside last is who gets a ring. I think I’ll backslide into my childhood dream of having a boyfriend in every country and just travel, while also being world a famous artist / professional volleyball player. Personality wise my lineup is longer than the Duggar’s grocery shopping list, so let’s leave it at asshole with a heart of gold. I need wit, I need ambition, I need passion, and I need to be able to take a guy places without feeling like I’m rushing him for a sorority or I’ve just adopted a puppy. 

Allow me a brief departure from my usual pessimistic and overall negative outlook on, well, most things, and let me voice a small starry-eyed and hopelessly romantic fantasy I cling to late at night when I’ve convinced myself I have restless leg syndrome and can’t sleep. This may sound crazy, but I do have a heart that craves more than vodka sodas and writing hilarious Yelp reviews. I want someone who finds me indescribably fascinating, who never stops asking me questions, who has the most infectious laugh, and looks at me like he’s trying to remember every thing about every moment. A mutual affinity for Taco Bell is also preferred. And now back to your regularly scheduled biting wit and sass.

Luckily I’m basically a pass / fail kinda gal, so as long as a dude has a more pros than cons I can temporarily overlook things like cocaine or describing hiking as spiritual. You could always slip me a $10 and everyone’s a winner. Wait, does that count as prostitution? Kinda into that. Christ, time for another Coors Light fueled and Sherlock Holmes level self-examination. Until next time. 

[kitkatdana]

boring tag

 1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? I make sure they’re closed every night bc uh no thanks!!

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? I have before but only like lotion if i really liked it. 

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? Well they normally start tucked in but then wind up out by the end of the night.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? Nah

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? Hell! Yes! Bitch!

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? Sometimes but not really idk

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? Bees because bears are fucking terrifying.

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? Lots.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? I gave up - I’m ugly no matter what face I make. Plus, even my real smile looks super fake so I’ve given up.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? People chewing with their mouth open oh my GOD

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? Do you count during marching band lol

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? I can’t remember probably?

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? No.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? No.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? No it grosses me out how dirty pens and pencils are.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? wild

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? queen sized ;)

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? I have multiple: “Get Like” by Kehlani, “Hannah Hunt” by Vampire Weekend, “Come Under the Covers” by Walk the Moon, “This Must Be My Dream” by the 1975, “sHe” by ZAYN. i honestly have so many more i’d like to list.

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? Yes of course

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? I mean I watch Bob’s Burgers sometimes does that count.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? don’t kill me... but i really hate home alone.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? honestly... i have no idea.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? Water

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? Ranch or ketchup hell yea

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? I don’t know I mean i love apples and tortilla chips (not together no thanks)

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? all of the movies within the Star Wars Original Trilogy, jurassic park and jurassic park 3 (not the lost world that movie is shit), ABOUT TIME (my family watches this all the fucking time)

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? shhh that’s personal

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? I was a girl scout for like 4-5 years

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? Nah.

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? A few months ago but jesus christ I would never send it i should probably find i so i can shred it.

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no... but i should learn how to.

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? nah.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? nope

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? idk i mean i just normally eat a pb sandwich but i really like club sandwiches sorry i’m boring.

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? potato egg & cheese tacos from torchy’s

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? it honestly ranges from 10-4.

37. ARE YOU LAZY? it depends on where i am mentally. lately - yes.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? Once i was Stephanie from lazy town. another year i was a unicorn. another year i was a smore.

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? a dragon. rawr xD

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? One fluently and i can speak spanish really really really poorly.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? not personally

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? Legos

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahayeahahahahahhaha.

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? i don’t watch either

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? nah

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? very. it’s funny because i’m a drum major so i literally have to stand on a tall metal podium for 2-6 hours at a time and wave my arms around like a maniac and sometimes move around to show people different marching “dance” things and it’s yikes.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? ALL THE TIME

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? yes but only if i’m home alone

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? not really but more than i do normally i guess?

50. EVER USED A GUN? yeah and i hated it and haven’t used one since (which was like 8 years ago). they’re too loud and scary no thank you.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? i mean unless you count school photos, not since i was a toddler maybe.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? nah i love some of em

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? yes and no

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? no

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? i hate pie

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? i really wanted to be an astronaut. really bad. really really bad. lowkey still do.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? idk

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? a lot but that’s just what happens when you only go through the motions lol

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? no

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? no

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? normally just a big t-shirt but sometimes i wear sweats/leggings with it lol

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? does a festival count bc then ACL 2004 

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? target

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? idk i mean i wear more nike but find adidas more appealing (it’s just way too expensive for me i mean damn)

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? don’t do this to me

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanuts

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was 5 i was in ballet for 2 weeks does that count

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i do not i can’t be picky

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nah

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? no

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? a few times

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? yes

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? my dad does

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? No

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yep

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? Adele (I HAD TICKETS BUT THEN WE HAD A KINDA LAST MINUTE BAND COMPETITION AND IT SUCKED), Beyonce, Zayn, Walk the Moon, Vampire Weekend

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? HAIM at ACL (it was fucking LIT)

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? if i had to choose i’d say cold but i don’t really like tea

81. TEA OR COFFEE? neither

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? sugar cookies

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can swim

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? yes

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? depends

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? Band

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? yes

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nah

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? all olives are disgusting

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? no

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? living room or study

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? if my partner does then sure

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? n/a

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i’m kms. only true dana fans know.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? no

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nah

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? erg birth sounds painful but kids sound nice but idk again if my partner wants to we’ll talk

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? i like a lot of colors. maroon & olive green & black & red & yellow

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? more than i should for seeing them practically every day

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS VIDEO NEXT? do it @idkimbecca smh @starsburnouttoo

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

69 times James Blunt was laugh-out-loud funny on Twitter

LONDON — The title of "funniest British person on Twitter" is a hotly contested one.

Obviously Danny Dyer has a very strong Twitter game, and rarely a day goes by when J.K. Rowling doesn't tweet something brilliant.

SEE ALSO: 21 of the most hilarious and disturbing Ricky Gervais selfies of all time

But there's another contender who could give both of them a run for their money.

With his unique mix of brutal self-deprecation, even more brutal comebacks, and gloriously filthy ripostes, James Blunt has a Twitter game that contrasts spectacularly with his gentle song lyrics.

We've rounded up some of his best efforts below.

1. This straight-to-the-point album announcement.

If you thought 2016 was bad - I'm releasing an album in 2017.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 13, 2016

2. The time he shared an important warning.

*WARNING* if you see an email saying, "2 free tickets to James Blunt", DO NOT open it. It contains 2 free tickets to James Blunt.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 27, 2011

3. This memorable comeback.

Damn thing's always getting caught under my feet. RT @laurenlyall: Why does James Blunt sing like his willy is being stood on?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 16, 2013

4. This weather update.

This is the sort of snow that makes me strip off and start singing...

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 14, 2013

5. The time he saw the perfect opportunity to plug his new music.

NO NEED. I HAVE A NEW ALBUM COMING SOON. @katy_nicolson: Can we all take a moment and remember just how terrible James Blunt was

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 18, 2013

6. This unfortunate anecdote.

I just overheard someone say to their friend, "Look there's a smaller version of James Blunt!"

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 29, 2013

7. This spectacularly empathetic response.

Me too. And even worse, I realised I was! @shigham77 @Lloydy_78 I'm having a bad weekend, some guy just asked me if I was James Blunt!?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 2, 2013

8. The time he told a harsh truth.

I swear on my life, I don't. RT @Espinalx3: No worries at least James Blunt thinks you are beautiful.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 11, 2013

9. The time he offered some words of comfort.

As long as she didn't say you sing like me, you're fine RT @NathWimlett: the lady in the post office told me i look like James Blunt #hmmmm

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2013

10. The time he made an important correction.

Even less than that! The song was only 3 minutes and 30 seconds long. RT @_dearjocelyn: James Blunt had his 15 min of fame and disappeared

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 15, 2013

11. And another.

2006, actually. RT @K_Dick33: Why does James Blunt have a million followers? He stopped being relevant in 2009

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 30, 2015

12. The time he finished someone's sentence in the dirtiest way possible.

Stays in James Blunt. RT @iAreAbby: Whatever happens to James Blunt.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 25, 2013

13. The time he shared this person's dismay.

Agreed. Worse than catching him playing with himself. RT @SmokeySunflower: Caught my brother listening to James Blunt. Wow.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 25, 2013

14. The time he spotted a flaw in this fan's request.

Sorry, but my last name is not spelt 'mcfly' RT @jamesmcflyfan: James, I am your biggest fan. Please follow me. Please.it would make my day

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 13, 2013

15. This smooth response.

I'm sorry, but you'll have to get to the back of the queue. RT @Alif_novaldi: Fuck you james blunt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 8, 2013

16. This simple explanation.

My mum's in the audience. RT @AtaraMcBooth: Who the fuck is cheering for fucking James Blunt.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 11, 2013

17. The time he embraced his critics.

Thanks! Whole album out next Mon! RT @DeirdreHipwell: Have managed to avoid James blunt's new song until now. Bonfire Heart is truly awful.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 15, 2013

18. The time he made someone's day that little bit worse.

Yes. He could start tweeting you. RT @MigsterMMA: Jesus christ, James Blunt's got a new album out. Is there anything else that can go wrong?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 20, 2013

19. This biblical retort.

Jesus only needed twelve. RT @garymoody65: @JamesBlunt why you only got 200k followers?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 29, 2013

20. And this one.

Your god can't hear you. He's listening to track 3. RT @HollieShand: Oh god...who let James Blunt release another album?!

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 10, 2013

21. OK, one more.

I did, but you'll NEVER guess what happened on the third day!? RT @gravedads: I thought James Blunt died

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 14, 2013

22. The time he spotted a typo.

Easy spelling mistake as K and L are right beside each other. RT @lizziea1: I want to kick James Blunt... repeatedly... I dont know why

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 24, 2013

23. The time he totally shut down this hater.

I never liked the sound of my own voice. Till it made me rich. @SamanthaMika: Does anyone else HATE james blunt's voice? I can't stand it.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 1, 2013

24. This cheerful play on words.

Most of them are single. RT @xox_Shell_xox: Is there one single James Blunt fan out there?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 8, 2013

25. And this one.

Viagra and coffee mostly. RT @paigefergg: Bloody hell why is James Blunt still going

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013

26. The time he refused to admit he's a James Blunt fan.

Nope, you're on your own. RT @chickenoriental: I must be 1 of only 2 who genuinely likes every @jamesblunt song. The other person being him.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013

27. The time he brought your mum into things.

Boning your mum. RT @Charlie_1232: James Blunt has a twitter, what would he even tweet about?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014

28. And your grandma.

Only coz I turned her down. RT @anadinskywalker: my grandma just called james blunt a queer

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 15, 2013

29. Your "missus", too.

As does your missus. RT @teamtommo58: James blunt your music sucks #fact

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013

30. Oh, and your mum again.

Because I won't pay the child support? RT @Buizel0418: My mom hates James Blunt. xD

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2014

31. The time he made a confession.

Only I was drunk at the time. RT @tianpogiaf: People who think you're beautiful - 1. Your parents 2. James Blunt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013

32. The time he refused to let rhyming slang get him down.

I foresee a career in poetry. @McKym: James blunt is a cunt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013

33. This absolute mic drop.

And no mortgage. RT @hettjones: James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2013

34. And this one.

Prince Harry. By text. BOOM! RT @dinolauz: Who the fuck invited James Blunt to the Invictus Games?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) May 10, 2016

35. This response to an international critic.

Correct. I am indeed hung like a pony. @jazz_mazz: James Blunt is ja auch eher so ein one trick pony oder?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 4, 2014

36. The time he didn't even need words.

RT @JordanSHill: What ever happened to James Blunt? pic.twitter.com/ahCI6N9ZRn

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2014

37. This canine-themed burn.

Then your dog should try harder. RT @RachelJohnsto96: @JamesBlunt my dog could do better!!!!!

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 10, 2014

38. This "2 Girls, 1 Cup"-themed burn.

I preferred "2 girls, 1 cup", but whatever you're into. RT @joe__crown: 2 bullets, one gun, James Blunt and Noel Edmunds.. Without doubt

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013

39. This gloriously filthy comeback.

Sorry. Wrong hole. RT @Sam_SamV: James Blunt makes my ears bleed

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 20, 2014

40. And this one.

And finishes in your mouth. RT @trimjim90: James Blunt gets on my tits.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 21, 2014

41. This one, too.

At least it’s not on your face. RT @MiissAshley: Nothing fucks your vibe up more than James Blunt coming on your Young Money Pandora 🔫

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 16, 2014

42. Alright, one more.

And my balls on your chin. RT @thejrodman: Now I have James Blunt stuck in my head...

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 6, 2014

43. The time he made an important announcement.

Proud to announce that I will be headlining at ShitFest this year.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 7, 2014

44. Not to mention this equally important update.

Am making a solo sex tape. Will leak it online shortly.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 8, 2014

45. The time he shared his version of food porn.

#foodporn pic.twitter.com/CPkwU4BfqN

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 26, 2014

46. The time he refused to give Ed Sheeran special treatment.

@JamesBlunt marry me?

— Ed Sheeran (@edsheeran) February 7, 2014

These kind of requests need to go through management, please. RT @edsheeran: @JamesBlunt marry me?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 7, 2014

47. The time he compared himself to Justin Bieber.

Can't believe Justin Bieber's balls dropped before mine.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 17, 2014

48. The time he gave some medical advice.

Then you need to see a doctor. @Lewisscoot: @JamesBlunt looks like my left testicle

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 30, 2014

49. The time he shared his "guilty pleasure".

Mine is anal. RT @OliviaMae_98: James Blunt is my guilty pleasure 😍

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 8, 2014

50. His explanation for the lack of tour dates in Scotland.

The Scots have taste. RT @heatherhjordisX: Why is james blunt not touring in scotland??????

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 30, 2014

51. This abrupt update.

Struggling to finish off with my left hand.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 26, 2014

52. His suggestion for a band name.

If I was in a band, it would be called, "Limp Willy And The Disappointments"

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 9, 2014

53. This timeless reply.

It's only halfway in. RT @Thomasemaan: Just realized how short James Blunt is !!!

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 19, 2014

54. And this one.

Unless I find your bum. RT @zomboy666: I've got fucking James Blunt in my head. I suppose at least that means my day can't get any worse.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2015

55. This name-changing anecdote.

My real name is James Blount, but I changed it as people teased me that it rhymed with 'count'.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 19, 2014

56. The time he made an important distinction.

I was talking to the driver. RT @Chelsea_Goulden: Just got in a taxi and You're Beautiful by James Blunt is playing. Why thank you kind sir😂

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 23, 2014

57. This harsh wakeup call.

Not even I think you’re beautiful.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 3, 2015

58. The time he showed off his hilarious powers of self-deprecation.

Yup, it's called "Greatest Hit". RT @Farrsigh: There's a "best of" James Blunt? Really?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 8, 2015

59. Actually, he's done this on quite a few occasions.

Sorry haven’t Tweeted in a while. I Blocked myself by mistake.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 17, 2016

60. Lots of occasions.

For Lent, I've given up music. There is a god.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 20, 2015

61. This might be our favourite one.

On this week, 10 years ago, your music taste sucked ass. pic.twitter.com/eQ6clu6F2h

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 23, 2015

62. The time he expected the worst.

I'm guessing this is not good. RT @supermarton: James Blunt es lo peor que le ha pasado a la humanidad desde Hitler

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 23, 2015

63. The time he chipped in with his thoughts on Eurovision.

You know we’d win the Eurovision Song Contest if you just had the balls to enter me.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 9, 2015

64. This name change.

ANNOUNCEMENT: In keeping with other greats such as Prince, J Lo and Diddy, I announce that henceforth, I am to be known only as J Blo.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 1, 2015

65. This no-nonsense burn.

Yeah, I bought those 20 million albums myself. RT @TroyJosephDavis: no one really likes James Blunt right?

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 17, 2015

66. The time he celebrated his Spotify income.

I get paid £00.0004499368 per stream. Beers are on me! Cheers @Spotify.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 17, 2015

67. This smutty riposte.

Depends where I put it. RT @paulinaboncan: Little bit of james blunt never hurt anybody

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 3, 2016

68. This one, too.

Then sit on something else. RT @PhoebeChristaki: James Blunt's face fully aggravates me

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 21, 2016

69. And finally, what may be the greatest tweet of all time.

I’d fuck me.

— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 1, 2015

James Blunt may have a new album coming out this year, but we really, really hope he still finds the time to tweet.

BONUS: Ramsay Bolton is basically the secret Ed Sheeran of 'GoT'