#like bro he's. i mean. i find him. oh god how to put this i find him attractive fuck it but uh. his uhm. form as solus is.. he's

[emsdevs]

The Return

Bear and Bug 🐻🐞

a/n: surprise!! kirby talked me into splitting this part up, so you all get one more part of the main conflict after this!! enjoy!!!

masterlist | NHL Masterlists | Bear and Bug Masterlist

Three weeks had passed since you arrived at Cole’s place, and he’s been trying everything under the sun to get you to return to the lake house with him. Today, after getting out of bed, you find out he’s pulled out the big guns. When you walk into the living room, you’re met with not only Cole but also Trevor and Alex. Apparently, Cole had filled them in on the situation, and they changed their flights to Montreal to come help. 

“C’mon. It can’t be that bad. I know for a fact Jack misses you,” Trevor is currently trying to encourage you to come with them, your packed suitcase sitting beside him. At some point during the night, they had snuck into your room and packed your bags, leaving you with no “good” excuse not to go with them.

“You talked to him?” your head shoots toward Trevor, hope filling your eyes. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

“...No,” he looks toward the ground as he speaks, “but! I know Jack, and I know he’s probably falling apart at the seams if you two haven’t talked in three weeks. You’re his person. He’s probably dying right now.”

“Oh, great. I’m killing my best friend! This is exactly what I was worried about when Quinn and I got together. He’s been having such a tough time, and I’ve made it a hundred times worse. I’ll be lucky if he ever talks to me again.”

“You’re right. She is being dramatic,” Alex whispers to Cole before stepping forward to try to comfort you. “Look, sweetheart, the only way to make this any better is to bite the bullet. I know you’re scared, but you can’t keep running away from it.”

You were silent for a moment, shocked by the wisdom from Alex. After gathering your thoughts, you spoke, “You’re right. Let me go be sure you all got everything, and then we can head out.”

“No way that worked,” Cole couldn’t believe their plan worked in their favor.

“Bro, when did you become a shrink?”

~~

The tension at the lake house was higher than ever. Ellen and Jim had given up on trying to help their sons work out their issues, so they drove back home for a while, letting the boys stew in their anger. The boys had done nothing except that. Quinn and Luke silently shared an alliance while Jack either ignored them completely or began picking fights. 

“Hope you two are ready to go running back to your precious Bug,” Jack told the other two boys as he walked to the kitchen to grab a snack.

“What do you mean?” Luke answered, sass written all over his question.

“Trev just texted me. He, Alex, and Cole just boarded their flight. With Bug.”

“She’s coming back?” Quinn couldn’t hide the hope in his voice. He didn’t care how Jack felt anymore. He was miserable, and he needed his Bug. 

“Don’t get all excited. That doesn’t mean she’s getting back together with you,” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Don’t tell me you think she’s coming back for you,” Luke doesn’t even attempt to hide the sneer in his voice.

“She’s my best friend, Lukey. Of course, she’s coming back to get in my good graces.” 

“Are you kidding me? Look at how you’ve been treating her, Jack! We’re all lucky she’s even coming back at all!” Quinn is angry now. You’ve probably been hurting more than he has for the past three weeks, and Jack is acting all high and mighty like you’ll come crawling back to him. As far as Quinn is concerned, you don’t need to come crawling back to anybody. If anything, the three of them owe you an apology.

“Of course, you’re sticking up for her! God, she has you wrapped around her finger! You’re so whipped you can’t see that she’s the problem here!”

“No, you don’t get to do that. You know Quinn is right. You’ve been horrible to her, and she deserves an apology. From all of us, honestly. Jesus, I mean, she even put you’re feelings above her happiness. She and Quinn could have been so happy, but you were complaining about how horrible the NHL is every night, so her main concern was protecting you. Mind you, you are not one of the two people in that relationship, so the fact she took your feelings about it into account at all is a kind of grace that you obviously don’t deserve. Why don’t you get down from your high horse and think about everything Bug has done for you? Then, you can tell us if she’s the one that needs to apologize or not,” Luke doesn’t give Jack time to answer, walking off as soon as he finishes his speech. Quinn doesn’t hesitate in following, only giving Jack a sharp look before making his way to your room once again. He found Luke already there, so they sat on your bed together, putting on a movie and soon falling asleep.

Jack, now alone in the living room, takes the time to do as Luke said. He thought back to when he knew you’d be his best friend forever. You two had silently agreed to have separate friend groups at school, but when you saw Jack’s friends had left him alone one day at lunch, you left your friends to go sit with him. They stopped talking to you after that, but you were fine with it because you had Jack. He thought about everything you had sacrificed for him, even skipping out on joining an afterschool club because it would conflict with some of his game times. How many times had you put Jack first, even when you could’ve had something really good for you if you had put yourself first? He could think of at least one: Quinn. He’s a horrible best friend. 

Jack lost track of how long he sat there, losing himself in his thoughts that were slowly becoming more and more self-deprecating, but before he knew it, he heard the front door opening. Moments later, he jumps to his feet when he sees you walk into the living area.

“Hey,” he says, slightly out of breath.

“Hey.”

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[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 9 thoughts

still giggling and kicking my feet after last episode…

but i need to lock in this evening, because it seems that skinner is in grave danger this episode. from a MYSTERIOUS DISEASE. these things KEEP happening. how many secret diseases can be developed in one universe? what did he get into this time?!!! how are the agents going to hear about this?!! because i don’t think they are even allowed to talk to him!! and how will they save him?!

we must dive in to find out, but i assume that the msr pre-relationship honeymoon is over… for now. maybe they can pick it up another day. 

post-episode thoughts: i need to put the skinner and mulder/scully dynamic in a blender and drink it like a shot. scully grabbing his hand... mulder actually calling him sir...

i need to go sit down, bro. i need to pontificate.

we are in a hospital with skinner. “what’s wrong with him is he’s going to die”, says this doctor. OH!!!

wait… agent scully is his emergency contact… oh my god… hold on… i need a minute for this…

(author's note: after watching the episode, i don't think she is actually his emergency contact, but at the TIME, i, the viewer, had no way of knowing that she had been the one to accurately diagnose his problem and propose treatment, and was therefore who the doctor wanted to contact- a side effect of starting the episode in media res. still! that world where i imagined she was his emergency contact was so alluring, i want to retain the brief time i spent there for historical accuracy)

AUGH. HE IS PULSATING……. NASTY!!! NASTY and VILE!!! poor sweet man. but that is disgusting.

i repeat my grounding mantra: shoutout to the props and makeup team.

bleughhhhh… this one might be rough for me, if such grossness levels continue.

skinner’s whispering!!! he says a name and then flatlines!!

why won’t the doctor shock him back to life…. she says to let him go??????????????

is this ethically allowed? i mean, did it say in his file “DNR”, or did he whisper “DNR” or something? but like, he said a name, and DNR is not a name. so. why aren't they reviving him?

man… dr. cabrera… i’m suspicious.

shortened intro: i will never grow used to you.

skinner is narrating!!! IS HE REALLY GONNA DIE??? I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT!!!! he says this is the course he chose. defending a center which cannot hold. so death chose for him.

THEY’RE COVERING HIM WITH A SHEET???????

WHAT!!!!!!!

is this a contract thing… like he’s barely been here this season, did he need out of the contract, so they killed him off…….?

i don't want that, man. we don't need that.

okay. jump back 24 hours in time. he is going to box!!! skinner is pummeling this guy named dre, but it seems dre gets some good shots in. that, or skinner is starting to die early on.

ah! he is all dizzy and gets knocked right out!!! so they take him to the hospital and he eventually comes to. 

why is he getting a creepy robot call saying “it’s in you”…? it says he has 24 hours. “you are already dead” 

WHO FROM THE GYM IS TRYING TO KILL HIM????

or is it this doctor plant gentleman tending to him who is behind this…?

dr. plant says there is nothing wrong with him except the bruise on his ribs that skinner does not remember getting. i guess he did get knocked around pretty well, but i feel like he would remember a massive rib bruise

mulder is tossing pencils at his desk!! why is he still in the office at 10 at night?? he must not want to go home. but skinner is here, too. spread out on the couch with his shirt barely on.

“what is it, agent mulder?”, skinner asks. and mulder has some tact for once, and does not point out that he looks like he’s dying, choosing instead to settle on “just thought i’d poke my head in and say hey”. a very even statement to make in such a situation.

mulder jokes about him having a hangover, and skinner says he couldn’t see and probably shouldn’t drive. which gets mulder to ask “you going to be alright, sir?” <- OH! the sir. they’re always in some weird power struggle... but now he called him sir. 

mulder calls scully down at 11:09 pm, and i know she was probably like "wtf does he need me for at this hour..."

all the lights are out because his eyes hurt, so mulder angles a desk lamp so she can examine his bruise which is just. so. AUGH. to me. i cannot place it. 

there's something deeply intimate about your beloved agent 1 getting you settled in the dark to accommodate for your pain, and then dangling a desk lamp so beloved agent 2 can examine your mystery wounds. while you lay there. in agony.

his bruise has white lines through it- OH!!! GROSS! he grunts when scully touches it, and mulder tells her about the mysterious phone call warning of his imminent death

scully is NOT going to let him sit up. YEAH! you tell him, doctor!

ooooo... mulder thinks there could be a conspiracy, and skinner hits him with a “oh, this is about you” <- low blow, buddy!! “you are so PARANOID, mulder” and historically he has had reasons to be!

scully points out that while THEY may not be on the x files, he still is. and he is therefore a target of the wrath of mystery syndicate men.

skinner does not want to answer their questions. and they want to ask very detailed questions.

mulder seeks clarification that he woke up alone... i see he did not figure things out with the wife. yet. there is still time. of course, unless he actually WILL die.

oh! but their questions are leading to him remember something!!

he recalls being grabbed in the hall by a guy who wanted to know what time it was…. so they find him on the security footage!!

scully recognizes him!! his name is dr. kenneth orgel, and he’s a physicist!! yeah, she would know the famous physicists, lmao <3 (said with SO much love)

scully says he should lay down, but skinner needs revenge. well. you have two people at your disposal right here that are more than capable of helping you get revenge AND answers! so lay down.

skinner and mulder go to dr. orgel’s house… oooo…. he says he doesn’t know who skinner is. and he denies coming to see him earlier. and then shuts the door in their faces!!

mulder whips out his gun and tells skinner to go around back LMAOOO oh, he is not messing around!!!!

noooo!!! there are guys in there!!!! they take dr. orgel away!!! and they shoot after mulder!!! he manages to grab one of them, but dr. orgel gets taken away by the others.

meanwhile, skinner is getting worse and worse, and now his veins are getting all horrible while he’s hurt on the floor of dr. orgel's place!!

the dude they captured is speaking arabic, but he has diplomatic papers, so skinner says to let him go. he’s from tunisia, and his name is lazreg. hmm...

mulder says skinner needs to get to a hospital, but he refuses to listen!!!

scully is talking with dr. plant, who saw skinner in the hospital earlier. he doesn’t want her to have access to his blood samples without skinner's written consent, but she says we don’t have time and gets in there anyway, LMAO.

i love when she breaks the rules. because she loves the rules. but she also knows that sometimes we simply need to trample all over them to keep people from dying. and i admire that about her.

the blood… it’s… separating??? augh.

mulder is going through dr. orgel’s stuff, trying to find clues. oh… he finds a photo of him with a senator???

hospital updates: someone put pure carbon into skinner’s blood??? and it’s killing him somehow?! this seems to baffle scully and dr. plant alike. it’s multiplying!!! these little things in the blood are multiplying!!!!

mulder is going to visit the senator… is this the same senator he would visit in s2?? and we never got any answers as to what they were doing??

ohhh, the picture of the senator and dr. orgel was them holding a senate resolution- s.r. 819. aha! they said the episode title!! 

he says it’s a funding bill for the world health organization, and mulder says well, it’s gonna kill my friend!

yes, it is the senator he used to visit!!! he tries to tell him to get lost!! “my intention is to save lives, fox, but i can’t save his”

so he somehow secured a ton of funding for the WHO in exchange for killing skinner?? EVIL!

who is this freak………

you cannot deter mulder for long, even if you show him out of your house. 

skinner is following one of the other dudes into some diplomatic area, but he is still getting worse and worse!! his veins are all blue now!!! and someone shoots!!!

but skinner dodges!!! HAHA! yes!!! he gets out and shoots back at this tunisian diplomat!!! 

but his vision is getting all blurry and he’s stumbling!!!

YEAHHHHHHHH, someone hits the other guy with a car!!!!! is it mulder????? no, not mulder with the well-timed vehicular manslaughter, although that would have been interesting. but skinner falls down!!!!!! he totally collapses!!

scully is still analyzing his mystery blood. she found something!!! it’s creating a matrix!! multiplying and building dams in the vascular system!!!!

this is not good.

news comes in that skinner has been taken to a different hospital, and scully heads out to go find him.

augh… he is so blue…. are they going to cut his arm off???!

scully bursts in!!! they try to kick her out, but she cannot be scolded in this manner!! and they DO want to cut off both of his arms!!

“who the hell IS this woman?” <- you watch how you talk about MEDICAL DOCTOR SPECIAL AGENT SCULLY!!

she says that cutting his arms off won’t do a damn thing, and you had best get a scope into him NOW!

“look, if you want to save this man, listen to what i’m saying!” <-YEAHHHH!!!!! you better tell them!!

assertive doctor scully, you are so important to me

ohhh... he’s stirring awake, and she’s telling him it’ll be okay, and that mulder is figuring out who did this to him, and “we’re going to take good care of you, i promise, we’re going to do everything we can” OHHHHHHHHH…….

man… whenever they’re at each other’s hospital beds, i feel secret emotions. getting throwbacks to him visiting her after her cancer went into remission...... and her following him into the ambulance after that other dude tried to kill him... man...

the next morning, there is a weird noise in skinner’s office. it's mulder! he is going through all of his stuff!! he explains to skinner's secretary that the boss has been poisoned, and then rips open the classified envelope on her desk. i hope there are no legal consequences to this.

back at the hospital, scully is in red scrubs. she looks really nice in red scrubs. it makes me wonder, why are most other scrubs blue, but she gets these beautiful red ones? did she have them on hand? did she borrow some extra ones from the hospital? have we ever seen her in red scrubs before? is red her color?

and mulder is here…. she says there’s nothing they can do to help skinner, except keep cutting open his arteries (GAG) but! her eyes are so blue...

trying hard not to let her face distract me from the plot at hand, but it's difficult.

ohhhh… the bill was going to be voted on by the senate, but it needed skinner’s review and an analysis by dr. orgel… so did they just kill him to speed up the process??? because they knew he would shoot it down?

mulder thinks orgel came to tell skinner about the violation of export laws involving new technology.

“you know what that means?” “well, i think i might” 

... aliens? alien bee virus?

phone call time… it’s the electronic voice on skinner's cell!! saying they can’t stop it!! your time is almost up!! so it has to be someone in the hospital making the call!!!

mulder sees someone typing into this pad sort of thing… and he runs after the guy with the long hair!!! he pulls out his gun!!! and runs into the parking lot!!!

he nearly shoots a nurse in his hunt for this dude with the weird pad thingy, and then makes an effort to appear non-threatening. which was kinda cute. when a car pulls out. and it crashes somewhere?? but the dude driving it got away!!!

the senator gets a phone call!! saying the bill is in danger!! it’s the guy with the long hair who was typing on the pad thingy on the other end of the phone!! saying that dr. orgel believes his threats!! he says he can tell him where to find him???

what is this dude's end goal...?

they found hairs from a wig inside the car, which prompts a smartass remark from mulder. and tons of PCBs on the tires. maybe from an old power plant?

oooo, the senator is also rolling up to a power plant. he looks so out of place in his prim and proper coat while the pigeons fly in his face in this abandoned facility. and he finds dr. orgel on a cot!!! he also looks very very very sick with blue veins! 

dr. orgel says he needs water, but the guy who has the pad is turning up some sort of level thing, and he starts screaming!!! his pad says “orgel active”

woah, is this like a remote control disease?

scully comes in to talk to skinner…. she wants to try filtering all of the blood in his body, and lets him know that this is a risky procedure. OH... HE SAYS “I’M IN YOUR HANDS” OHHHH…

the surrender of it all... resting in the knowledge that she knows what she is doing... the total trust. wow...

“i think i owe you an apology, scully. you and mulder. i’ve been lying here, thinking… your quests… it should have been mine” “what do you mean?” “if i die now, i die in vain. i have nothing to show for myself. my life” “sir, you know that’s not true” “it is. i can see now that… i always played it safe. i wouldn’t take sides. wouldn’t let you and mulder…. pull me in” “you’ve been our ally more times than i can say” “not the kind of ally that i could’ve been” 

OH!!!! hang on....... he, too, is consumed by the Guilt... we knew he had Guilt re: Vietnam and past violence, but that he feels he could have done more for the agents is new information... especially since he was the one that made the deal with CSM to try and get scully saved...

but since mulder ended up being told about the chip thingy, maybe he feels like he didn't save the day and instead was tricked into doing CSM's dirty work... and he must think that he could have tried to argue for keeping them on the x files back in the first episode of s6, but he didn't... i'm emo.

she grabs his hands……. and he says he remembers!!!! he remembers the guy’s face!! he was at the gym!! and the hospital!! and he hit that diplomat guy with the car!! and he was there at the office when dr. orgel grabbed his arm!! the long-haired guy with the pad!! he’s on the tape!!

mulder arrives to the power plant and finds the senator’s car there…. hi, pigeons, you are so beautiful, but we have a problem at hand. mulder is strutting in…. but someone watches…. yeah, hold that little gun out, mulder. i love your little gun.

the senator announces that orgel is dead, and what he knows died with him.

OHHH YEAH!! SOME MULDER VIOLENCE!!! ROUGH THAT MAN UP!!

he is talking about nanotechnology… machines…. other words...

mulder says he will stop this AND expose the senator!!! but he keeps yelling that it’s too late.

don't test that man. he loves a righteous crusade.

which brings us back to the beginning of the episode, where dr. cabrera won’t shock skinner….. why do they just listen to her??? and not even try to fight her to save him??? 

the dude with the long hair and the pad is right outside, and he turns the settings back to 0…. and skinner comes back alive. who is this dude?!?

three weeks later, scully tells skinner his prognosis is excellent!!! and scully found the long-haired pad guy on the video tapes!! but skinner cannot identify him.

good news, though: the bill was withdrawn without explanation. so no WHO funding to install some other murder pads across the world

whoever this mystery long-haired pad man was, he killed one of his own to save skinner… so mulder still thinks it’s about the x files. mulder would need skinner's authority to keep investigating. 

but he says no!! scully is not pleased. they look scared and surprised to hear this. she must be mentally thinking "sir, this contradicts your deathbed statements"

where is skinner going now…? to his car… a likely place for a guy to go after work, but the music is scary, so i don’t think that’s where the story will end 

KRYCEK???? IN THE CAR?? he says he can push the button at anytime??? and skinner has been EXPECTING him??

he gets out of the car and leaves???

THE END?

so somehow, krycek has the technology that can restart his nanotechnology disease?

wait. WAS krycek the bearded guy? hold on. i have to go back. 

YES. he was. i paused at strategic times and noticed that was, in fact, his face. and then i guess he shaved down his face and took off his long wig, which must be why skinner denied being able to recognize him!! to keep the agents safe?? is that his goal!? 

man. KRYCEK!!! the rat bastard….

oh, i bet the eagle-eyed fans knew it was krycek the whole time and were not shocked at this reveal. maybe they even had seen leaked scripts or set photos and therefore knew it was him. but in my defense, i don't pay too much attention to the background characters, nor could i ever imagine a BEARDED and LONG-HAIRED krycek!! his whole thing is being pretty in a prep-school sort of way!!

well, if you did see this coming, feel free to tell me what a fool i am. or you can tell me you also didn't notice, which would make me feel better. they didn't even put his name in the front credits! they hid it in the back! they were committed to tricking me!!

ohhh, this episode was pretty darn good!! i LOVE skinner and mulder/scully angst. it’s just soOoooooooOoo delicious. i still can’t articulate exactly what it is that drives me so crazy. but it DOES.

it's something about the way they would die and kill for each other. the way the lines get really blurred between "this man is my boss" and "this man is like a father or uncle to me" and "this man is sometimes actively withholding information from me that will keep me from finding the answers i need" and just when you think he'll do one thing, he'll do the other. MMM! delicious.

krycek… i was wondering when we were going to get back to him and his schemes. these episodes have been pretty good in quality throughout s6, but i’m lacking an overall vision or build up to a bigger plot, unless there is something between the lines i'm missing, which wouldn't really be that surprising.

we often get a lot of one-off episodes and then a two-parter with way too much going on at once, though, so this isn't particularly surprising, and i'm not sure why it feels like we know even less than every other season. probably because we are coming off of SO much being explained to us after fight the future in the way it usually never is, AND so many new questions being raised by the same movie. so now it's kinda like... are they going to get to that ever?? or just leave us wondering??

but: someone krycek is involved with is putting a secret technology disease inside of skinner. and then preventing him from dying?? who is he working with? and for what goal?

and krycek wasn't even IN the movie!! so what does he have to do with all of that?

wait! the diplomats in this episode were from tunisia… we saw CSM with the new (?) alien virus bee farm in tunisia at the end of FTF… so maybe the nanotechnology is somehow derived from the alien virus spread by bees? even though the symptoms were different? no chest alien births this time around

the dots aren’t connecting per se, but i am at least recognizing the presence of dots.

tbh, i have no real predictions as to what is going to happen next in terms of mytharc stuff. because we still have diana and spender on the x files, and kersh thwarting the every move of our beloved agents!! how can they even do anything about the plot?? just keep sneaking around?

part of me wonders if kersh is actually an ally who is just really selling his performance as an enemy. but we also did see him with CSM that time in triangle, so it’s hard to say. but then again, i guess we also did see skinner with CSM every now and again. but, if kersh WAS an ally, wouldn't skinner feel less guilty about having them switched over to his jurisdiction? hmm… unless he's a secret ally, unbeknownst to even skinner.

and now, skinner decided that death chose for him where he will stand, and he will (probably) get himself more involved in the x files, but he'll have to do it behind the scenes, because he knows that at any moment they could kill him... but of course, scully doesn't know this, so she thinks he just went back on his word... or maybe she thinks he has some sort of secret plan because they know each other pretty well by now....... HMMM...

well, i don’t have any theories beyond the ones i proposed a few episodes ago as to the source of mulder’s angst. maybe his angst is related to krycek and the plot?? somehow?? is he on some sort of secret mission?

idk!! idk!! we will simply have to stay tuned!!

[astonmartinii]

reluctant cupid | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem bff!reader

you could set your bestie up with a driver or you could confess your feelings? lando norris is dumb.

based on this request: Could you write something about being best friends with lando and he tries to help set you up with another driver you have a crush on, but then he realises he actually likes you so he has to sabotage all the wingmanning he’s done and you end up together Idk if that makes sense 😭🫶🏼🫶🏼 -@mbappesleftthigh

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 49,340 others

yourusername: someone please save me from the grips of hinge and this oh so lonesome life

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user1: girl knows the whole f1 paddock and looks like that and is still alone there is NO HOPE for me

user2: this post might have thrown me over the edge

landonorris: "i'm so lonely" "why don't you approach that guy" "no too scary"

user3: that's so real though

yourusername: thank you!

landonorris: how do you expect to find a boyfriend when you don't like to talk to anyone and treat hinge like a gameshow

yourusername: i didn't come here for actual advice let me commiserate in peace. god, can women have anything these days?

landonorris: ???

yourusername: oh! idea! pretty please set me up with one of your friends? they have to be great otherwise you wouldn't be friends with them, right? RIGHT?

landonorris: i guess...

yourusername: please lando, i've never asked for anything before

landonorris: i can feel you pouting through the phone

yourusername: so you'll consider ?

landonorris: fine...

user4: bro either gotta admit his feelings now or be condemned to be in the plot of a weird romantic comedy

user5: i personally don't think i can wait until the third act break up with this side character LANDO ACT NOW

oscarpiastri: you'd really trust lando's judgement?

yourusername: he's friends with me, he's got good taste?

oscarpiastri: touche

maxverstappen1: whatever you really wanna say oscar, you gotta keep it in, these idiots will figure it out eventually

yourusername: ???

landonorris: ???

user6: the grid are so done with their asses i can't 😭

user7: but what if the universe doesn't intervene and lando really has just lost the girl forever?

user8: bestie we can't be thinking like this

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 812,047 others

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landonorris: being back home means being bothered by her (and whatever is her newest hyperfixation - it's sylvanian families this month if you couldn't tell)

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user9: i am so sorry but they are so in love

user10: it's cute in the movies, but these blind bitches are starting to piss me off

yourusername: THEY CAN HEAR YOU, BE A BETTER DAD

landonorris: they're not my children

yourusername: you take that back right now, you LOVE them

landonorris: you spent my money on them yes

yourusername: that's fatherhood, buddy. buckle up

user11: whoever he sets her up (if he's still dumb enough to do that) is gonna be the biggest third wheel in history

user12: who would willingly sign up for that

user13: me. i would. i have two working eyes and have seen y/n

maxverstappen1: who are these funky little critters and how can i procure some for p?

yourusername: finally a man with sense, literally any grocery store or toy store

maxverstappen1: perf

yourusername: if lando stops being mr. grumpy i'll ask him if i can come to a race and p and i can play animal families

landonorris: i am NOT mr. grumpy

maxverstappen1: you kinda are dude. is it the set-up is it stressing you out?

landonorris: nO

yourusername: then why are you putting it off !!! lando i might die from terminal yearning !!!

landonorris: i have an interested candidate

yourusername: really? do you think they'll actually like me? like this isn't a pity date right?

landonorris: nope!

user14: lando is typing through tears as we speak

user15: if y/n does go on a date with someone from the paddock i actually hope it goes well, as one lonely girl to another, it's tough out here we need one win

f1wagupdates

liked by user18, user19 and 11,043 others

tagged: yourusername & carlossainz55

f1wagupdates: turns out lando is a bit of a cupid as his childhood friend y/n y/ln was spotted out and about with carlos sainz.

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user20: HE ACTUALLY DID IT

user21: that moment when you're so down bad for a girl that you set her up with your best friend

user22: that moment when you're such a wimp you can't admit your feelings and set up the girl you like with a literal GREEK GOD

user23: i am so bamboozled by this move he literally looked like a kicked puppy on his stream bro this is your doing 😭

user24: she's a lover girl she's going to get her heart broken :(

user25: this has mess written all over it

user26: she's literally described herself as a terminal yearner i feel like she'll throw herself in and will get hurt

user27: UNLESS! this is all part of the plan? what if lando set her up with a messy guy like carlos so he can be the shoulder to cry on and that's how he slides in?

user28: that's very convoluted, very rom-com but i'll take it if it means we get lando and y/n together in the end

user29: i know this probably won't last long but can we all appreciate how hot this couple is?

user30: lando and y/n runs rings round y/n and carlos

user31: lol lando is a bad friend for setting her up with CARLOS him and charles are THEE red flags

user32: i hope y/n is prepared

user33: also lando hasn't thought it fully out if his plan is to be the shoulder to cry on because he's just opening her up to be called a homie hopper or a paddock bunny

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 702,554 others

carlossainz55: productive weekend with my girl

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user34: well that's not y/n

user35: that finished faster than i expected

user36: lando DO NOT quit your day job

landonorris: call me bro

carlossainz55: si, cabron

user37: i don't think they'll be cabrons after this call

user38: maybe this is all just going to plan?

user39: yall gotta give up this conspiracy theory maybe these people are just as dumb and mean as they seem to be

user40: soooooo... what did we all do this weeekend?

user41: i broke a girl's heart @carlossainz55 twins 👯‍♂️

user42: AHHHH???

maxverstappen1: oh that's not-

yourusername: you're so chronically online :(

maxverstappen1: you're alive?

yourusername: yes. coming at you live from the bed i'm currently rotting in

maxverstappen1: not going to say i didn't warn you?

carlossainz55: really? in my own comment section?

yourusername: one second, we're having a conversation here

maxverstappen1: yeah carlos, gosh.

carlossainz55: i'm so confused

user43: okay power move to just start a conversation in his comments?

user44: the power of confusion is simply unmatched

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 56,309 others

yourusername: certified boy hater

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user45: a ferrari boy will do that to you

landonorris: feeling hashtag victimised rn

yourusername: obviously doesn't include you girlypop. but you seriously need to reevaluate your judgement

landonorris: carlos is attractive?

yourusername: he ghosted me?

carlossainz55: i am right here

yourusername: blocked.

landonorris: did you actually just block him?

yourusername: yes 😀 !

landonorris: god this is a nightmare

yourusername: not if you'd take a GOD DAMN HINT

landonorris: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user46: yall this is a public instagram comment section

user47: don't say that, this is their argument in the rain moment

user48: lemme grab the popcorn 🍿

maxverstappen1: this better not include the real number one girlypop here

yourusername: of course not pookie

oscarpiastri: you gonna continue the lil spat above this?

yourusername: no?

oscarpiastri: well some people (max and i) would like to listen so please continue

yourusername: no, i don't think i will

oscarpiastri: GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE INSUFFERABLE

maxverstappen1: what oscar said

user49: oscar and max are so real

user50: they can't leave us on this cliff hanger

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,043,788 others

landonorris: some snaps from '23

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user51: have we just been thirst trapped?

user52: i don't think it was intended for us

user53: this has "i am hotter than carlos sainz" written all over it

yourusername: posting tits on main, brave.

landonorris: i came second in singapore.

yourusername: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. modesty, ever heard of it lan?

landonorris: slutshaming isn't cute y/n

yourusername: you kinda have to pull to be a slut lan. you are under qualified for the position

landonorris: if you keep being mean to me i will call your mum or my mum.

yourusername: try it. i see cisca more than you, i have faith in her

landonorris: the line is busy. are you on the phone to MY mum right now?

yourusername: maybe.

user54: we're so close to them getting their heads out of their asses

user55: don't get my hopes up

danielricciardo: i hope this works lol

landonorris: you don't think i'm sexy?

danielricciardo: it doesn't matter what i think

landonorris: i'm not sexy :(

danielricciardo: you're baiting me but yes, you are sexy.

user56: i'll fight anyone who made this man believe he's not beautiful

liked by yourusername

user57: I SAW THAT 📸

user58: someone just lock them in a cupboard at this point

oscarpiastri: noted.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 89,034 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: yeah, yeah. you can stop yelling at us now.

view all comments

user61: LET'S FUCKING GO

user62: it was worth all that yelling. i expect an invite to the wedding now.

user63: wedding? girly they only just realised their feelings after a DECADE

maxverstappen1: it was about fucking time

yourusername: okay miss ma'am. some people are EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND NOT VERY GOOD AT PROCESSING THEM

maxverstappen1: you must've been emotionally constipated because this was painful

yourusername: it was painful for me too

maxverstappen1: so painful that you dated CARLOS

yourusername: one date! ONE!

maxverstappen1: carlos said can you unblock him so he can be mean to me?

yourusername: fine.

carlossainz55: STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PERSON. YES I AM NOT THE BEST AT RELATIONSHIPS BUT LEAVE ME BE

maxverstappen1: lol

yourusername: lol

user64: unblocking carlos to hit him with the lol max and y/n might be more iconic than lando and y/n

landonorris: not on our relationship announcement post 🤨

user65: OOP.

landonorris: i love you doofus

yourusername: i love you too muppet

landonorris: how much was the betting pool for your family?

yourusername: it got to over £300

landonorris: ours was £750

yourusername: are we dumb?

landonorris: no!

oscarpiastri: two dumbass girls saying 'yass' to each other

yourusername: LEAVE US BE

landonorris: oscar :(

user66: not their own families betting on when they'd get together 😭

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,430,778 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: first win, hopefully not my only one.

view all comments

user67: MY BABIES

user68: i feel like i've been on this journey with them

oscarpiastri: thank god you guys got your shit together, i was THIS close to jumping out the nearest window if i had to watch lando mope around like a kicked puppy when y/n had the lil thing with carlos

user69: so it wasn't some grand plan?

oscarpiastri: no he's just dumb enough to actually set up his first love with his best friend

landonorris: OSCAR!

oscarpiastri: am i wrong?

landonorris: no... but! i got there in the end

oscarpiastri: good thing you're faster on track

user70: the grid being just as done with them as us is killing me

maxfewtrell: finally this unnecessarily long and overly convoluted saga has come to and end, lets never do this again!

landonorris: i'm locked in for life bro no worries

yourusername: awwwwwwwwwwwwww i love you too bubs

maxfewtrell: stop being sappy under my comment

yourusername: you just complained we didn't sort out our shit fast enough and now we're too sappy?

landonorris: STICK TO A STORY BOZO

maxfewtrell: now you're even more ride or die... can we go back?

yourusername: nope!

landonorris: nope!

maxverstappen1: i for one am very happy for you both

yourusername: thank you max !!

landonorris: not so fast, he had the biggest bet on us in the paddock

yourusername: get that bag sis

landonorris: ???

yourusername: we can't fight it anymore, let them have their jokes, we actually have each other now :)

landonorris: yes we do :) xx

user71: golly gosh this is so fucking cute

fin.

note: i hope this is what you were looking for and that you all enjoyed!! i'm just waiting on my tester sticker sheets for my small business @badlydrawnf1cats on here and on instagram, if you wanna give it a follow x tHANK YOU FOR READING MY LOVES X

[reshinless]

☆ ❝ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭. ❞ ⋆ hsr x reader

synopsis. him & his foxian s/o (in heat season.)

warnings. sex, nsfw, heat cycle (reader goes through it), sexting, masturbation, semi public masturbation (its in a bathroom stall), WHEN I SAY FINGERING ITS NOT IMPLIED FEM!READER!!!!!!!!! (tell me if there's any more!)

author's notes. old favorite from old blog yaaaaay!

pairings. blade, and jing yuan x gn!afab!foxian!reader

blade was taken aback for sure. but was quite.. delighted, but he did realize that you'd really want everything from him,

and the way he mentioned how he couldn't wait to fill you up didn't help..

probably caught you fingering yourself and moaning out his name, and that's the main reason on why you had to introduce him to the whole mating season thing.

his merciless thrusts into your hole just made you want more, every time his hot cum shot up into your womb made you want more. and honestly he's so obsessed with the way you just want more and more!!

probably has absurd amount of stamina, so he could go on for days without rest, just as long as that's what you want.

and what the hell does he mean that you have to wait for him to come home like no lol

poor darling just ends up recording the way how wet and ready they are for blade ^_^

blade didn't like how needy you were at times though, especially when you send very special videos to him at work. oh.. but the way you looked in that pretty little photo you sent from home, just needed to head to the nearest bathroom to start stroking his throbbing cock cuz he can't wait 'till he gets home to punish you!

probably has jerked off to your nudes before at work, or in general just jacks off to you when he can. always excusing himself to the bathroom to see what you sent him, cuz he always knows it isn't anything for other eyes to see<3

jing yuan expected it, but wow he didn't think it'd be now. has always been there to 'assist' you with your little problem~

likes it a lot when you beg, also especially when you pull on his hair whenever he puts you into a mating press against the nearest wall.

whenever he finds you fingering your self or what, no.. he's not mad. but will be the kind of guy to replace your hand with his, and show you true pleasure!

god damn the way you looked in that pretty nude photo you sent him. getting him rock hard in the middle of an important meeting wasn't what he ever thought you'd do, but you did. and dear god was it awkward having to excuse himself to the bathroom to get rid of it, he'll just have to punish you later..

kind of the same case w blade on stamina cuz bro doesn't rest, he's literally a general so like, why wouldn't his stamina be big.

i noticed like out of all the times i wrote for jing yuan, i've never mentioned like what i think his dick would be like so lets go; probably 6.5 inches soft and 7.5-8 hard, maybe an inch wide too

oh he gets turned ONNN if you ever purr at him, intimately or in a fluffy way, it's very hot and cute in his words, immediate boner ong

please if you REALLY want him to go wild, record silly video of you moaning his name and saying how much you need him and he'll be otw immediately asap!

[stinkysam]

Choi Subong “Thanos” - Touches.

Warning : reader smokes, drug use

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : “thanos with a reader who's love language is physical touch??? Like, he always prefers to at least touch their fingers together sometimes, whether for self-comfort (maybe during the game) or just to show his affection.” - anon

Reader : male (he/you)

A/N : bold is in English // saw in some headcanons that he puts cologne to hide that he doesn’t shower. I prefer to think that if he smells, it’s because he has shit ass tastes in perfumes/colognes lol.

He knew early on you were a touchy guy. Even when you were just friends, you were always touching him or other people in some ways.

It never bothered him because he likes touching as well.

While you put a hand on his shoulder as you speak to someone else, his hand is on your back, between your shoulder blades, rhythmically tapping.

Or when you tried to show your inexistant rap skills.

His hand in your hair, keeping from turning away as your head moves up and down slightly while you try to rap. Focused on finding your next words.

He laughs his ass off at you, so much he nearly coughs up a lung, holding on to you as you’re now trying to ignore him, pushing him away.

“Why are you laughing at me ? You asked me to show you, I’m only delivering.”

He has trouble responding, laughing too much it ends up making you smile.

“I never said I was a rapper.” You sighed walking away, crossing your arms. “It’s your job dude.”

“Wa- wait wait wait !” He goes after you, still laughing, grabbing your shoulders to make you face him. “Do it again, pl-ease ! My boy, come on !”

“No way.” You laughed pushing him away.

“Do you know how to beatbox then ?”

“Do I look like I know how to ?” You placed your hands on his shoulders, suddenly serious. “Bro, seriously, stop speaking nonsense. You’re worrying me.”

He cackled at your response, holding your arms.

“I’ll teach you.” He winked.

“Oh my god, you will ?! Really ?” You said, shaking him, squealing, faking excitement, before walking away again. “Fuck off dude.” You raised your middle finger at him.

“Whatever.” He chuckled, following you. “My offer will forever stand.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows, expecting you to change your mind.

You hummed in response, rolling your eyes.

There’s also moments when you’ll sit behind him, leaning against a wall as you smoke, while he’s on his phone, music loudly playing, using your legs as a backrest.

This position evolved the closer you got.

Right before dating, he’d be between your legs, elbows on your knees and then as it turned into a relationship, Thanos was directly leaning on you, his back against your chest, your chin resting on top of his head.

“Babe.” He said calmly, hands frozen in the air. He had paused his music.

“Mh.” You raised an eyebrow and took a drag of your rollie, keeping the smoke in.

“You’re putting ash in my hair.”

You looked down at his hair, exhaling all the smoke before replying.

“No, I’m not.” You lightly tapped your cigarette with your index, ashes flying away. “There’s nothing.”

“You-” He turned around. “It’s not a reason to spit your smoke in my hair instead ! My god, babe ! Seriously…” He complained, brushing them quickly with his hands to get rid of the ashes that still weren't in them.

You snorted, letting out a ‘sorry’ before putting your chin on his head once more and taking another drag.

“I’m serious, don’t do it again.” He clicked his tongue. “Don’t wanna fucking smell like tobacco.”

“Aw.” You grimaced, rubbing your cheek against him as you squeezed him. “But that smell is so much better than your recent cologne.”

“What ?! Are the nerves in your nose rotten ? Are you crazy ?” He turned around once more, a hand dramatically on his heart.

You laughed.

“Perhaps. But whatever you’re using, it’s soooo bad.” You grimaced, closing your eyes in disgust. “Price doesn’t mean good.”

He sighed, putting his music back on before resting once more against you. He had decided to ignore you.

“Rotten nose.” He muttered.

“Smelly bitch.” You whispered back.

He grabbed your rollie, crushing it on the ground as you gasped, quickly trying to stop him. But it was too late.

“Boom !” He threw his hands in the air.

“Asshole !” You gave the back of his head a light slap as you groaned. “It was my last rolling sheet too…” You let out a displeased sigh. Crossing your arms to put some distance between his back and you.

He just shrugged, rolling his eyes but happy you were no longer ‘putting’ ashes in his hair as he styled some strands carefully.

“Stink bug.” You whispered, resting your head against the wall behind you, your feet tapping the ground.

Sometimes you’re the one laying against Thanos, resting between his legs.

A lot of times he will ask you to not lay on him so he can use your back as if it was a paper to write on with his fingers.

His phone is in his other hand, lyrics being written in the note app or directly sending them to you. He has the autocorrect on yet he still writes certain words on your back.

You try to guess the words and spell them for him, though he doesn’t always touch your back completely or touch too lightly for you to feel it properly.

“Alright, I’m done.” He says, pushing his phone in his pocket as you lay against his chest.

But you know he’s not done, although it’s silent and your eyes are closed, you know he’s still thinking about making the perfect bars. You know because you can feel his arms move around you, hands flying, you could also hear a few breathed out words every now and then.

You raise your hands up, blindly reaching for his, when you feel them with your fingers you stop, just touching his wrists or palms is enough. Your fingers are wiggling, tapping lightly against his skin occasionally.

After a few seconds he lowers his hands so your fingers could fit in his palms fully, hands holding yours and waving them around as he continues to mentally rap.

There are times where it’s more subtle, sitting next to each other but only your feet are touching, mainly in public when there’s a lot of people. Or when you two visit his dad.

Which doesn’t happen a lot, quite rarely to be honest. And you understand why.

Each time you saw him, the man was drunk.

He doesn’t even know you two are a thing because Thanos knows he won’t react well to the news.

There’s almost always an awkward silence as you sit next to him, your shoe against his as you both listen to his dad rant angrily about something, beer in hand. A couple times Thanos couldn’t help but clash against him, almost getting into a fist fight that you had to interrupt.

You’re not sure who would win between the two and don’t wanna find out despite Thanos telling you he would obviously win.

But he’s not like this at your parents’ place. Where it’s more peaceful and open than at his dad’s. They know you’re in a relationship with Thanos though they don’t know about his addiction or debts, only finding him a bit eccentric.

His arms wrapped around you, or your hand on his thigh as you sit next to each other or he is directly laying on you when you’re resting on the couch.

“Stink bug.” You whispered to not disturb your parents watching TV on the second couch.

Thanos said nothing in return, refusing to acknowledge the nickname. He just focused harder on falling asleep to not hear your annoying voice.

“Stink bug.” You called again, a bit louder. “Your stench is suffocating me.”

He scoffed.

“Stop breathing then.” He quietly replied, eyes still closed.

“But I’ll die.”

“Not my problem. I won’t come to your funeral, annoying brat.”

“Aww. I’m hurt.”

He didn’t reply, no longer wanting to engage with you.

“No but seriously, you stink.”

He’s had enough, getting up to nap in your old room. He knew you were joking though you didn’t really like his cologne.

“Your cat appreciates my smell.” He said quietly, before walking away, flipping you off behind your parents’ back, sticking his tongue out.

“It’s because you smell like fish.” You replied, getting up and following him.

As he reaches the first door frame behind the couches he turns around, stopping you.

“Why are you following me ?”

“Because, my love.” You dramatically placed a hand on his shoulder. “Although you smell like fish, my heart still beats for you.” You said, making a heart with your fingers.

“Get lost.” He said, pointing behind you after pushing your hand away from his shoulder.

“But baby.” You tried to look sad, though you couldn’t get rid of your smile.

“Fuck. Off.” His hands went on you make you turn around, but you fought back, trying to push him aside so you could walk with him to your room. You did this for a good minute, struggling while trying to remain silent to not attract your parents’ attention.

But alas it didn’t work.

“[Name], did you clean the table ?”

“He didn’t clean it ?” Your mom asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” Your father replied.

You sighed, pulling away from Thanos who smiled, flipping you off again with both hands. You did the same before pointing at him menacingly.

“You. Lucky ass bastard bitch.” You whispered.

He just shrugged before going up the stairs, almost dancing. Finally, away from you !

“Stink bug !”

“I’ll lock the door !”

“No !” You rushed up the stairs to stop him as he quickly ran to your room, closing behind himself.

“[Name] ?!” Your dad called and you quickly got back downstairs to clean the table.

He honestly adores your touch, don’t get him wrong, but there are times where it isn’t welcomed. Mostly when he’s too focused on something.

You never really know when your touch will become too much when he’s thinking or working. He can like it like he can find it annoying. Stopping him from thinking, losing his ideas, forgetting his words.

So you try to not touch him or only very lightly when he’s working but he’s the one taking his laptop and sitting right against you. Yet he’s gonna glare at you when your arm rubs against his as you go to grab something.

But most of the time he’s vocal about it, telling you to stop touching him. He’s a bit rude about it and the first few times were a bit surprising.

“Stop it.” He muttered, raising a hand up to stop you from resting your head on his shoulder.

You stared at him, confused.

“Huh ?” You raised an eyebrow.

He doesn’t look away from his screen as his hand closed into a fist, only leaving his index up. ‘Shut up.’ ?

You raised another eyebrow, getting more confused and slightly annoyed.

Then he pointed at his screen, quickly, before continuing typing again. You leaned closer to watch what he was writing.

Lyrics. Oh !

You quickly understood he needed space to work.

You hummed a ‘sorry’ quietly, pulling away a bit to lay on one of the pillows instead.

Though he doesn’t want you to touch him doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you around.

It also happens when he takes his colorful pills, getting sometimes overstimulated by them.

It had always been like that, even when you were friends, so you knew about it.

When you landed on that island with him, your guts quickly made you worry about him.

Your guts were proven right. That girl died and Thanos took one of his pills, getting high and rather unpredictable making it harder for you to find a way to de-stress in between games. Each death, and there were a lot of them, made you more queasy, trying to reach out to him.

Unsuccessfully.

Though he could be with you, sitting next to you, a hand on your knee, as time went on he’s too out of it to notice you’re drifting away from each other. Zoning out or too energetic to stay in place and remain with you. Sometimes leaving you on your own.

You didn’t know what to do, whether you wanted out or not, voting O or X. You no longer knew if you were on the same wavelength or if he would accept you voting X.

He really loves you and your touch, finding it grounding and a constant reminder that you’re with him. But that island made his greediness come out more than ever, seeing himself invincible and lucky enough to survive all games.

He has to repay his debts or he’ll die trying. Whatever happens.

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

Daddied: based on true events

“Come on bro! Why are you being so weird?” Lee mocked standing in next to the bathtub with a bottle of alcohol. “I mean you got the perfect body and what not I think but I’m really just not into guys”. Lee laughed at Nathan. Lee knew that Nathan has a crush on him. People even claimed that they had a bromance going on with how much time spent together but after all the months of Lee casually flirting, Nathan finally made a move. Only for Lee to laugh in his place.

Nathan walked out of the bathroom while Lee could be heard laughing at him. Nathan was heart broken. The first man that he actually felt a connection to. The one he grew to love. Just laughing at him. Rubbing the tears from his eyes Nathan laid in his apartment. In bed bundled up trying to find the courage to face the world again. He couldn’t continue on with this “bromance” any longer after being lead on for so long. He could feel his chest hurting. His heart breaking while he sobbed. He played back memories he had with Lee. Fun nights of playing games. Even the night when Lee told him that he better get his ass to class and get his degree. Lee was actually the reason he graduated college because he wanted to make Lee proud. He was the only one that pushed him to do. He even reminisced on the nights they would drink together. The deep conversations they had. The more Nathan thought. The more he got angry. He wanted Lee to pay for wasting his time. For breaking his heart. He didn’t want to feel this pain again. There was one memory that Nathan was playing back in his mind. And suddenly he shot up in bed. A dark smile creeped across his face.

—————————————————————-

Lee woke up the next morning with a hangover. “Ohh god how much did I drink?” He moaned to himself. His phone was buzzing. It was the chick he was flirting with at the very last night. “We need to talk was all the txt said”. Why would be need to talk? She was just a random chick he was flirting with. Dismissing the txt he swaggered to the bathroom. In the mirror flexing his muscles. And giving himself that perfect smile that got him out of so much trouble. His phone began to ring. He answered it not thinking about it only to hear the screeching of some chick. After a bit he said “oh yeah I remember you …. Wait… what are you saying!? WHAT!!” He dropped the phone. Apparently one of his hookups from a month ago was pregnant. He sat down on the edge of tub. Head in his hands trying to figure out what he was going to do. His stomach grumbled telling him it was time for breakfast but he wasn’t in any mood to eat. He walked back to his bedroom. Putting on some clean clothes. Not even noticed as he passed the mirror that his muscles had lost some definition.

He made it to the bistro next door, ordered some breakfast and took a seat trying to take in the news that he was going to be a Father. His phone rang again. This time the girl from last night. Reluctantly he picked up the phone. “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE” he screamed and slammed his phone down. She was claiming to be pregnant with his child too! And they didn’t even sleep together ! Lee picked his sandwich up to take a bite of his food when his hands caught him off guard. Dropping to the food he stared at them. Seeing dark hairs creeping out the back of them and traveling up his arms. Hurrying home he ran to the bathroom and took his shirt off only to see the dark hairs poking out of skin. His chest and abs has a dark sheen on then and turning sideways he could see his back had the same peach fuzz hairs that were growing. “WHAT IS GOING ON!”

Grabbing the razor he began to shave off all the hair that seemed to being growing like wild fire across his body. And only the. Did he see it. His muscles seemed to be deflating. It was starting to look like he skipped a few gym sessions. “What happening !!” He screamed.

His phone rang and he dreaded seeing who it was. Nathan. “I’ve decided to distance myself from you. Yesterday really hurt and I need this for me”. Lee sat on the bed. Head in hands sobbing. The one person he needed right now more than ever and he pushed him away. Lee didn’t know what was happening. He still felt hungry but all he wanted to do was sleep. It’s all he wanted to do with all the uncertain changes happening.

———————————

Waking up Lee felt more groggy than ever. He didn’t want to get out bed. Staring at the ceiling he didn’t know what to do. He can’t be a father of 1 kid let alone 2! His stomach churned and he knew he needed to eat something. Sitting up in bed he screamed. “WHT THE FUCK IS THIS!” Running to the bathroom he was horror struck. Hair was everywhere.

A thick beard coated his face. His muscle definition was gone. And his stomach was poking out as if he drank beer all the time ! Look down he see. Thicker legs that lead down to some meaty sweaty feet. That had the beginnings of dark hair coating them. He began to swap from all the changes. He was fucked. He didn’t know what was happening. And …and…was he SHORTER!! Judging his height from the bathroom sink he had to be at least 4 inches shorter!!

————————————————

A week last Nathan went to Lee’s apartment. The door was unlocked. Walking into the space the living area was completely disheveled. As if someone was tearing the place apart. On the couch was a large circled wrapped in a sheet. Water dripping from the opening where a face would be as the hunched over figure appeared to be crying. “Hello?” Lee’s could be heard. “GO AWAY!” Deep and raspy. Nathan sat down beside him. Asking what’s wrong? Lee responded that he was a freak. The exposed flesh that Nathan could see was a pair of large hairy feet that he could smell. Leading up to some tree trunk legs coated in the thickest hair he had ever seen on a man. He heard Lee’s stomach growling. “Do you need me to make you something to eat ?”

Whipping the sheet back Lee screamed “does it look like I need something to eat!?”

Nathan jumped back. Shocked at how large Lee had gotten. “I can’t even leave this apartment anymore without people calling Jaimie. Jaimie!!! I’m not my damn father ! I’m not!!” Lee’s phone wrong. “Oh no not again!!” As if on command his body immediately responded. His stomach swelling larger. His hair growing thicker and his body becoming smellier. The dark smile crept across Nathan’s face. Lee caught a glimpse of it. “You did this! You and your spells! What did you do!?” Nathan stood up and laughed at him. “Well. You always said you would never follow in the foot steps of your father. After the other day, I decided to make you do exactly that”. Le was becoming his worst nightmare. His own father and a father to many as well.

[lacroixqueen]

i'm so chill but you make me jealous jealous deadpool x fem!reader, 18+

Summary: deadpool sees you on a date with another guy and loses his shit lol

Pairing: jealous deadpool x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings/Tags: jealousy, possessive, angst, brat, noncon, dubcon

You were trying to figure out the fastest way to get out of this dumpster fire of a date. This is what you get for putting yourself out there, by the fervent advice of both your mother and entire social circle. So you went ahead and downloaded a dating app out of sheer boredom but also a tiny glimmer of hope. After quite a number of left swipes and a small handful of rights, you somehow wound up across the dinner table with… er, you forgot his name already. 

But you knew he worked in finance. Or was it accounting? Anyways, he was currently explaining the intricacies of the stock market to you, and the appetizer hasn’t even come out yet. And you realized that you couldn’t care any less. 

“I.. have to go to the bathroom,” you said, standing up quickly and pushing in your chair. Your date almost didn’t seem to notice, giving you a half-hearted acknowledgement and then continuing to drabble on to himself about cryptocurrency. 

Without another word, you darted to the nearest exit of the restaurant, finding yourself on the freshly rained-on sidewalk. You always loved the smell of the concrete after it had just rained. 

Your heels made a satisfying click-clack sound as you briskly maneuvered your way down the street. You opened up your texts to see if you missed anything during the god-awful date, and lo and behold, was a message from none other than Wade.

“Love the dress,” it read. 

You glanced behind you, then side to side, and once you turned back around, there he was, leaning against the side of the cornerstore. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, barely turning towards him before directing your attention back to your phone and continuing to walk past him. 

“Ohhhh, so it’s ice cold today,” he commented, following right behind you. “I love that flavor.”

“What do you want,” you said while texting a friend about how disastrously the date went. “I am just going home.”

“Well, I was just walking by when I caught a glimpse of you through the window of that Italian restaurant back there,” the assassin replied. “Speaking of which, what was on the menu? I mean that place looked upscale! Like they probably sprinkle gold dust on their pasta instead of parmesan.”

It was an Olive Garden.

“To be blunt, I honestly forgot,” you responded. “I didn’t even eat anything.”

“Well, why did you leave so early?” he pried, this obviously piquing his attention now.

“I-I felt sick,” you lied, your intonation increasing as quickly as your apprehension. “Can we just change the subject, please?”

“Oh ho ho,” Deadpool chuckled, as if he struck gold. “That bad? I mean, I didn’t get a great look at the guy, but from what I saw, he wasn’t terrible-looking. Also, he wore a fleece vest. I mean, that’s just the height of fashion, you really can’t get any better than that.”

“Are you having fun?” you said, rolling your eyes as he continued to mock your absolutely colossal defeat of an evening. 

“Oh, absolutely,” Deadpool laughed. “The other point of contention is why the hell you decided to pull out this absolute banger of a dress for your first date with Mr. Finance Bro there and not ours?”

“That was not a date,” you enunciated, pressing your finger into Wade’s chest. “That was a drunken one night stand that will never happen again and that you even promised to never bring up. It was stupid and nonsensical and I can’t believe it even happened in the first place.”

“Oh come on, Y/N, you’re going to break my heart,” he whined, clasping his hands together like a needy puppy. “I, for one, thought that night was very special. I mean, you even told me that you could see yourself fall-”

Before he could say another word, you grabbed him by the hand and led him into a dark alleyway so that innocent bystanders wouldn’t hear you scream.

“Stop! Bringing that up!” you exclaimed. 

Deadpool was shocked his casual mention of the event elicited such a strong emotion from you. “Okay, okay, jeez.. calm down.”

You sighed, letting him go and turning your back to him. 

But he didn’t let you. Not even for a second. Before you could even react, he grabbed you by the neck and slammed you into the wall. 

You gasped, your hands instinctively reaching up to clasp over his while his grip only tightened over your carotid. 

“Besides, you know that I only followed you here because I wanted to see more of you in this ridiculously skimpy dress..” his voice darkened as he continued to choke you like a helpless animal. “I mean, look at you. That thing practically clings onto you like skin! If you weren’t such a tightass I would have ripped it off of you by now..”

He unsheathed his pocket knife and ran it across your lacy scarlet choker, over the thin straps of your slip dress, and onto your chest. He traced the outline of your cleavage with the dull edge, and then slowly slid it down over your taut stomach. 

You were trying to gulp up air for just one breath, but his hold was unrelenting. 

“I mean a red mini dress, are you fucking kidding me?” he snarled, his blade gently brushing against the garter belt on your right thigh. “Wearing my favorite color? With some other guy? This has got to be orchestrated at this point, Y/N.”

“Wade.. please..” you begged, lips beginning to quiver. Regardless of how much he joked around with you, he scared you when he was angry. 

He finally released you, allowing you to cough and gasp for your first breath. 

“But you know of course I wouldn’t kill you, I mean who do you think I am, a psychopath?” his tone immediately brightened up the moment he saw how much you feared him. “I just like watching you not being able to breathe is all. It’s so cute.”

 After you finally caught your breath, you stared daggers down at the vigilante who stood before you. 

“Listen, Wade,” you said. “I understand you are not exactly pleased with the current state of affairs. But this isn’t entirely up to me. And I’ve told you this a million different times.’

The assassin let out a dramatic, almost cinematic sigh. “Yes, I know, Your mother wants you to date ‘someone sensible with a stable career and not a psycho killer’. Which is perfectly understandable! I get it. I mean, I would probably think the same thing if I lived in the suburbs and made tuna casserole in my spare time.”

“Wade..” you shook your head and rolled your eyes. “You know it’s not that simple.” You walked up to him and gently lifted up his mask to reveal only his lips. 

He didn’t hesitate to grab you by the waist and pull you so close that your body was pressed up against his. 

You stood up on your tiptoes in your heels, stabilizing yourself by holding onto his broad shoulders. You weren’t exactly sure what you were doing, but you knew something within you just wanted to kiss him. But you also didn’t know if this was the right idea. 

The plump part of your lip gently brushed against his. The smell of your watermelon lip gloss was driving him crazy. He started to breathe heavily, and if another second passed where you weren’t kissing him he would say fuck it and just do it himself. 

You felt his hot breath in your mouth, and you felt your arms twist around him like they knew exactly where to rest themselves. Like they have done this before. 

“I’m so stupid for this,” you sighed, as you felt his lips beginning to close over yours. 

He smiled smugly into the kiss, quite pleased with himself over the hard fought victory. Without another moment of hesitation, he grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you up without much effort at all. He walked over to the wall, pressing your back softly against it. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist automatically, kissing him like you would die if you stopped. You felt his tongue wrap desperately around yours. He was aggressive, hungry even. He wanted you all to himself, not some fucker in a fleece vest or anyone else for that matter. 

You knew you would regret your decision in the morning. And that no matter how hard you tried to deny it, you would come running back to him. Every single time. 

[rzyraffek]

Hii! I’d love to see some slasher possessive tendencies (nothing dramatic, just small things that show how obsessed they are with their s/o). And I’d love to see Brahms included please and thank you! 👀💕

Ello! Most of slashers are incredibly possessive😭 good luck with that.

Gender neutral s/o!

Slashers being obsessive and possessive of their s/o

Brahms

Physical touch. His hands are always on them. ESPECIALLY around when yall are around other people. Others have to know that they are together!!!

Goes with s/o EVERYTHERE. They must go to shop with them! Wanna go outside and walk in peace and silence in garden? Uhh nah he wanna go with you! Even if s/o asks nicley to leave tjem be he might spy on them :[

Will share everything with s/o! His clothes? Our clothes you mean! Please wear his shirts! Its also vice versa, s/o's jewellery and clothes are also his. They gonna catch him using their favourite cologne or wearing their jewellery!

Wants to hold hands 24/7, doesnt care if s/o sweats! He loves them too much~

Sometimes s/o can wake up and this guy will be glued to them! Im taking wrapped arms and legs around them and s/o can feel his chest moving up cuz its so close😭

Asa Emory

Bro is not letting them leave his warehouse. Yeah sweetie he loves you but you are just too too perfect for him to let you go :[

Bonds by watching animal documentaries about bugs btw

Picks clothes for s/o. He takes your style and preferences in his mind but usually forgets and just buys what would look good on you (at least what he finds cute)

Not very clingy

Lets them paint his nails if they are nice enough

EXTREMELY jelous. S/o mentioned that some guy smiled to them when they were buying groceries? He will get offended😭

The hush

8 years later and I still have no clue what his name was??? Let's call him John because people seem to call him that

John will keep his hand AND eyes on them. Hands on their legs, shoulder, or just holding their hand (thats rare, normal affection with this Goober? Nahh)

Constantly staring at them, looming around and looking what they lover is up to (up to no good surely)

Makes them play video games with him or watch them play

Checks their phone when they are asleep cuz he gotta know everything

Micheal Myers

👁👁

No touching, no verbal nor physical affecion

Dude will hit them with 👍 on daily basis

He seems like he doesnt care, like he has them around for no reason. But of God, this guy knows everything about them. He watches them daily. You can't find Micheal? Oh dont worry sweetie he is keeping you safe, just dont look thrue window :3

Extreme jelousy, s/o can bearly talk to people😭

Okay okay I lied with no touching, its just rare! Sometimes he rests his head on top of theirs or puts his hands on their shoulders or hips

If s/o makes something from him (like drawing, peace of jewellery. Hell, even if they gift him random rock or something) that dude if gonna wear it till the end of the world, even if it breaks off? He has pockets or tape. Even if s/o skill improved and they made better? The more the marrier, he wants all!

Billy Lenz

Gets jelous when s/o gives too much affection and love to their pet

Lays on top of them

Bites, licks, woofs? As a sign of affection and love

He wants the bite marks or Hickeys to be visable so s/o friends know that they are taken!

Not as extreme as Micheal or Asa. S/o could have 2week trip to Egypt and as far as he gets to call them whenever he wants, he is fine

I still remember one time that someone requested Billy Lenz fic, asking for 'sloppy toppy' and it was 4 am and I didnt know what it was so I googled it and I kinda laughed very loudly and my mom woke up and took my pc away for month :( I wrote the fic btw

Anyways, barks at people when he gets jelous

Some of their behaviours might sound toxic or are literal red flag, but POOKIE THOSE ARE MURDERS😭🙏😱 idk if I still got the skill to write, it was a wild 8month break

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[2:49 am]

(cw: mentions of sex but there’s none I promise)

"Agh! Oh fuck!" You heard, even through the flat pillow pressed to your ear.

You were frustrated, on the brink of angry crying. Sometimes you hated being at the frat house, and this was one of those moments. These moments didn't happen often. One, because fratboy!Jaehyun often spent the night at your dorm, or two, his frat brothers weren't fucking at 2- nearly 3 in the morning!

You couldn't even tell who it was and you didn't want to know, all you wanted was to fall asleep and hope that you didn't hear this girl moaning in your sleep.

But it didn't happen, in fact, you started hearing bumping against the wall. God, this was awful.

You sat up angrily, ripping the comforter off your body and got out of the bed.

Jaehyun blinked his eyes open groggily, "Baby? What's wrong?"

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes to find a sense of calm and only felt brief relief of your burning eyes. "I'm going home," you answered bluntly.

You moved around the room, pulling on one shoe while grabbing one of Jaehyun's hoodies.

Jaehyun got out of bed, too stumbling after you, clearly tired and confused. "It's like 3 in the morning, you're not going home right now."

"Exactly! I've been laying on a mattress barely thicker than a textbook, with flat pillows, a sheet that clearly doesn't fit, and one of your disgusting frat brothers has decided this is the perfect time to fuck at normal volume. I'm just so tired!" You exclaim, tired tears filling your eyes.

Jaehyun's eyes widen in shock, he pulls you into a hug, rubbing a comforting hand up and down your back. When he finally listens in, he can hear the moans and grunts coming from nearby and wonders how that hadn't woken him up too.

"I'll handle all of it ok? You're not leaving, it's late and I'd rather you stay here. Just lay down, I'll get you another blanket, and you don't have to worry your pretty little head about anything else," he tells you before pressing a kiss to your forehead and leading you back to his bed.

He quickly adjusts the sheets, fluffing up his pillows, and lays out another blanket for you. He pulls some white noise machine he'd won as a white elephant gift out of the closet and puts on calming ocean noises on for you before he slips out of his room, making sure his door is closed behind him.

He walks down the hall until he finds the door where the noise is coming from. Haechan's door. He knocks for a while until the door opens to reveal a smiley, fully dressed, Haechan. "What's up, bro?"

Jaehyun raises his eyebrows as he peeks inside, there's no one there. "Did your girl escape through the window?" Jaehyun asks.

"What girl?"

"I heard you fucking bro. There was some girl moaning and you were banging on the wall. My girl has been awake for hours trying to sleep because of you," Jaehyun explains, running a tired hand down his face.

Haechan flushes bright red, he looks a little embarrassed, "So I was up gaming, but you guys get mad when I yell so I started playing porn really loud so you guys might understand more."

Jaehyun deadpans, "for four hours? Your ass can't hang that long. What the hell was the bumping into the wall?"

"Some fucking noob on my own team killed me," Haechan rolls his yes, "And yes I can hang. Ask your mom."

Jaehyun shoots him a look, crossing his arms across his chest, almost asking Haechan to keep talking about his mom.

"Sorry, I mean ask your girl. Night bro, tell our girl sorry. I'll make it up to her later," Haechan adds before quickly closing and locking his door. This fucking kid.

Jaehyun shuffles back to his room, tired and cold. He steps back into the room, confused when he hears whale noises before remembering his new white noise machine.

He pulls the covers back only to find you sprawled out across the mattress with a few inches of space left for him. He can't even resist the affectionate chuckle that escapes him. He slips into bed and you immediately turn into him unconsciously, cuddling him in your sleep.

He doesn't think he's ever going to love anyone as much as he loves you.

-

a/n: while I have you here, please check out this post and let me know your thoughts, thankssss🫶🏼

[onelittlespiral]

Tf where someone's huge musky cock keeps turning others into massive muscle bros on accident?

FML: Cursed

Up front, I’ll say this one’s a bit different. Let me know if you all like it. -❤️

Everything was too bright. My head was pounding. Memories were fading in and out from last night. Fuck, how much did I have to drink last night? I stumbled out of bed, trying to forced myself towards the bathroom to take a piss. I had made a New Year’s resolution to quit the bottle. Yeah, so much for that. I managed a quick piss and splashed some cold water on my face. That helped a bit. At this point all I wanted to do was bury my head back in my pillow. Slowly, I shuffled back towards my bed:

“Yeah? You coming back for more of this?”

A man. A man was in my bed. A hunk of a man was flexing in my bed. My mouth hung open for a moment as my brain chugged to life. I couldn’t quite believe it.

“…God damn it! Uggh, what did I let happen?”

“What, not in the mood? I can be quite,” he started a little pec dance, “persuasive.”

I was not in a mood to be amused by his flirting. “No, no it’s not you-or at least it is you now but-” I stammered, “Look. It’s complicated. Get up, please, I need you out of here. If you take some time to… cool off… it should pass.” I paused a moment, “I’m sorry.”

Quickly, I started pulling together what clothes I could find that would fit his new stature and tossed them at him. Even facing away from him I could tell he was a little taken aback. I’m sure in his current brain he couldn’t quite believe he was being rejected. But I knew it was better for everyone that he leave now. I scooped up his old clothing and threw it all into a tote. It wasn’t his fault he was here in this situation, getting kicked out of a stranger’s house early in the morning. Maybe that’s why I scribbled down my contact info and slipped it into the bag. He would have questions later, he deserved some answers. By now he had managed to put on the cut off tank and the shorts I had thrown him. The shorts were a size too small and left nothing to the imagination, but it would have to work. I doubted his canvas shoes would fit over those behemoths. He would have to go barefoot. After a few awkward pleasantries where he asked me if we should lift together some time and I politely declined, he finally got the message and slipped out the door. I locked it behind him and slumped to the floor. I still had a headache.

It was going to be a long day. At this point I was awake, so I just decided to hit the shower. The steam helped clear my mind so I could try to piece the night together. It had been two years now and it was still happening. I wish I knew how to stop it. But looking back, I’m not sure what else I could have done. Every time it happened though, every time I saw his face, I just replayed that day again in my mind:

We were sitting at our favorite cafe when I broke the news.

“What do you mean? You’re breaking up with me?” my ex boyfriend was stunned. Truly, I don’t think this had ever happened to him before.

“Please don’t act surprised. We both knew this was coming. We aren’t good for each other.”

“Baby, we aren’t good for each other,” he cooed, leaning over and cupping my jaw, “We’re great together. You can’t pretend to deny it. I can feel that cock twitch, hear every moan when you’re inside me. Come on, let’s go home and I’ll bring you to your knees.”

“No. This isn’t about us in bed. This is everything outside of it. I don’t like how you talk to me, how you treat me, how you touch me,” I said, slapping his hand from my face, “and how you treat everyone in the world as your plaything. I just can’t put up with it anymore.”

That finally set him off, “Oh, you have no idea what I can do.” He snapped his fingers.

I watched as a man in a suit next to us dropped his book. He began to convulse, and I watched in horror. He reverted from his fifties to his late twenties in a moment, smoothing his wrinkles as his hair turned from silver to brown. His skin tightened around his swelling body, as his muscles easily ripped through his shirt and pants. A deep moan escaped his mouth as his clothes reformed themselves into a tank top and gym shorts. As a snap-back hat formed and tightened around his head, I grimaced, knowing that his mind was being assaulted with a new identity. I knew the look on his face well as drool flowed from his open mouth. Then, all at once it stopped. He just picked up his book and kept reading. No one else even seemed to notice what had taken place.

It was a thinly veiled threat and we both knew it. “See? This is the shit I’m talking about. What happens to him now? He had nothing to do with this, you just can’t contain yourself.”

“Oh relax, he’s fine. I didn’t dumb him like I do to you. No one will ever remember anything different. Though I imagine whatever new hires at his firm will be confused why the new boss is a jacked gym bro while everyone else in the office is pushing 40 and wearing suits.” He chuckled at his own joke.

“I can’t! I can’t do this anymore. I don’t ever want to see you again.” I gathered my things to make my exit.

He came round the table, in a far less joking mood, “You’ll regret that,” he grabbed at my groin and cupped my package, “from now on, whenever that gets going, I have a feeling you will be seeing a lot of me” I felt a stirring in my sack. Something had… shifted?

“What did you do?” my shouting had finally drawn the attention of onlookers.

“Good luck, baby. You ever want that resolved, you’ll have to find me.” With that, he turned heel and left.

Now, two years later, he was right. I had seen far too much of him. The water had gone cold. I turned the faucets off and stepped out to dry myself off.

The first time had been a shock. I had given myself time to heal from the relationship, but about two months in I decided to head to a bar. Immediately something was off when I entered. I saw a few old flings, and a friend or two who were surprised to see me there. But it was like when I entered the whole place shifted towards me. Men were buying me drinks and fawning for my attention. The bartender even slipped a few comments in. They all looked smitten with me, trying to get just a little closer. By the end of the night I had some twink sitting in my lap. I decided it was time to blow off some steam. I took him to my place, where he immediately began tearing off my clothes inside the door. I managed to get him back to my bedroom before he had my boxers off. Immediately he buried his nose into my bush. Admittedly I hadn’t been keeping shaved since the breakup, and I guess that was doing it for him. He went to town on my cock. I wasn’t prepared for him to take it in one thrust, but he wasn’t waiting. All I could do was grab his hair and hold on as he worked my cock like a pro. I felt his hair curl beneath my fingers as I held on for the ride, moaning as he pushed all my buttons. He knew just when to pull back to keep me edging, his thick fingers holding on as he devoured my cock. Finally I knew I needed to fuck him. I pulled him off of my cock, but as he stood up and his dazed expression met mine I screamed.

“Fuck baby, where have you been all of my life?” he said.

He was the spitting image of my ex. The hair, the muscle, even that stupid nickname. In shock I pushed him away as he gave me a look of confusion.

“What are you doing here? I told you I never wanted to see you again.”

He looked back at me confused, “What are you talking about? We just met like a few hours ago. You invited me over. Sorry.”

Something about the statement rang true. I only realized later it was because he apologized. My ex would never. “Did he put you up to this? What’s your name?”

“Hey, I’m not sure who you’re talking about, okay? I’m Justin. I was just looking for a good time.”

“Have you seen yourself? You don’t look like the twink I met at the bar.” I retorted

He looked in the mirror, and his face seemed to puzzle for a sec. I knew that look. He was trying to reconcile memories he had. Fake memories. Then he smirked, “Yeah, pretty hot right? I’ve been working out, getting that more twunk look going.”

So he was clueless then. It was weird seeing someone look so much like him, and have a mix of his mannerisms and others. He had certainly made sure his cockiness was implemented. The asshole.

“Look, I’m not sure tonight is going to work out. I need you out of here. Now.” That was a little mean, it wasn’t his fault. But he had to go. I gave him some of my ex’s clothes he had left lying around and pushed him out the door without saying goodnight. It was only next week when I went to the bar that I saw him again. He had seemingly gone back to normal, besides a very distinctive mustache and stubble he was growing now. It didn’t fit his thin, hairless body and it made me chuckle…

*BZZZZZT*

My phone was getting a call from an unknown number. I guess it was time to answer some questions:

-Hey, I found this number in my bag. This the guy from last night?

*Sigh*

-Yeah, it’s me. Are you, uh, feeling better? More… yourself?

-So I’m not crazy! What was that? What happened?

-I am so so so sorry. It’s a long story. Let’s just say my ex is… a looot.

-Well hey, who’s isn’t?

I chuckled

-You’re taking this surprisingly well. Most guys don’t want to look at me after all this.

-So this has happened before?

-Yes. But I promise I didn’t mean to. I must have gotten too drunk last night, and I know that’s not a good excuse. But I’m not sure what to do about it and at this point I’d starting to think I never will

-Woah, woah. Calm down. Would you want someone to come over? To talk to?

I paused.

-No, I think I’ll be fine.

-Please, I want to. I want answers and it seems like you need someone.

-I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Plus, I don’t think I can see you like that.

-I promise. I don’t think I have anything the same.

-Promise?

-Here, look

He did look back to normal. And he was quite cute. I can see why drunk me decided to pick him…

-Still, I’m not sure…

-Nope, it’s decided. I know the address, I’ll be there later tonight around 6. *click*

What had just happened? I think, against all odds, I just got roped into a second date.

God damn it.

[cheeseceli]

Helping you recover from a surgery

Pairing: ot7 BTS × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, reactions

Request: BTS x s/o who had to have surgery and is trying to recover with their help

Warnings: mentions of food on Jin, Jimin and Taehyung's; body insecurities on Taehyung's; non sexual nudity on Jin's (barely there though)

A/n: low-key can be read as "they take care of their sick s/o" as well | daily click

Jin

‌You're literally not allowed to move a single finger

‌This man is ready to do everything and anything for you

‌Even the nurses feel a little bit useless when they see him because bro is really doing everything already😭

‌And with that I mean he's helping you move from a room to another if you need, he's giving you food, he's helping you shower and so much more

‌Really just wants you to rest for now

‌And he's so light-hearted while doing that

‌You'd never feel like a burden during this time because he never shows he's tired or stressed with the situation

‌He does everything with a smile and poor jokes, and you just know he's glad to be able to be there for you

Suga

‌The best one when it comes to making you distracted

‌Even if you can't do anything besides laying down on bed, you'll barely feel bored with him there

‌Always has the most out of pocket topic to talk about

‌You truly don't know how his mind works but you're most definitely not complaining

‌Also watches all the dramas you wanted to watch with him before but had no time back then

‌Will do his best to not be bothered by work things as he wants to be focused on you

‌Would even block his manager's contact if that helped💀

‌But if he truly needs to work (and with that I mean TRULY needs), he will do it when you're sleeping

‌If he's working on new songs, might even write a song for you during this time

J-hope

‌Bro was stressing when you were in the surgery😭

‌Talking with every doctor he could find and pacing around the hospital all the time

‌But when the time comes to talk to you after the whole process he just puts the biggest smile on his face

‌ He's honestly relieved to see you well

‌The good thing is that meanwhile he was panicking outside, he was also studying about what he should do once the surgery ended

‌He is almost an especialist now

‌The doctors are trying to give him advice and then he's like "oh yeah I know that, but you didn't mention this"

‌He's lecturing the doctors now

‌Summing up, you are in very good hands, don't you worry

Namjoon

‌He is kinda scared of messing up tbh

‌I see it as in a scenario where you haven't even got sick on the relationship yet, so a surgery is a big change

‌Of course, he wants to take care of you

‌And he will do his absolute best to help you

‌But he's kinda scared of making you feel useless as you really need to rest

‌And he'd hate to end up patronising you a bit or something like this

‌So he ends up helping you mostly in subtle ways

‌Where things are still done for you but not too noticeable, so you wouldn't feel like you're burdening him or something

‌And he would also take a break from work

‌No matter if the company is knocking on his door, he has his priorities set straight

Jimin

‌You were still under the effect of anesthesia when you woke up, so you were a little confused as to why your room was full of things

‌Turns out Jimin got a little bit too excited when buying you gifts

‌So now you had a lot of your favourite sweets, a lot of different flowers, some teddy bears and God knows what more

‌He got a little embarrassed later but at least you liked it lmao

‌And he'll be sure that your favourite family members/friends got to visit you at least once

‌He'd be threatening your family so they would visit you lmao

‌If your relationship is public, he'd even show Armys comments wishing you a healthy and fast recovery

‌He's doing everything in his power to make you feel as loved as possible

Taehyung

‌Basically moves into the hospital

‌He's happily sleeping on the couch like that's where he lived his entire life

‌And when it's time to go back home, he's still with you

‌If you guys didn't live together back then, now you guys do

‌Either it's on his house or yours, he doesn't care, he is going to be glued to your hip

‌And although he doesn't like the fact that you are kinda ill because of the surgery, he loves to take care of you

‌He will cook for you, help you change clothes, will make your bed as cozy as possible, he's basically trying to make you feel like you're on a cloud all the time

‌After you're healed, if you are insecure of your new scars, he will most definitely reassure you of them

‌He still thinks you are beautiful, maybe even prettier now

‌The type to kiss your scars😔

Jungkook

‌Panics a little part 2

‌Like, he panicked once you told him you'd need to go through surgery

‌But after it I think he'd be alright

‌There was probably enough time for him to plan what he needed to do and to let the information sink in

‌He would try to make it as "playful" as possible

‌Doesn't want you to think of this as a problem, just something that happened

‌But the moment you complain about pain or something he's dialing his doctor

‌And he will do EVERYTHING for you and to you

‌Almost the same to Jin when it comes to wanting you to rest

‌Overall he is a bit lost but determined to make you feel as good as possible

Masterlist | you'll probably like: when you struggle to eat (read with caution)

Thank you for reading <3

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @butnotmontana @lelewright1234

Dividers by @saradika-graphics | images 1 2 3

[marksmelodies]

My Princess

idol jaehyun x bratty fem reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: suggestive, sex, oral, use of the nickname daddy, mentions of size difference

note: jaehyun and the reader are both ADULTS

minors dni!

you lay in your bed freshly washed, teeth brushed, skincare done, pajamas on and ready to go to bed, putting on your favorite show turning off the lights as you settle down from the exhausting day of shopping with your boyfriends credit card that he gave you to use while he was away

you look over at the cold empty space next to you within in the sheets causing a frown to fall onto your face, your boyfriend was on tour, currently he was at the last stop in tokyo and he wasn’t getting home until late tomorrow night, it’s always the last twenty four hours that go by so incredibly slow

you decide to call jaehyun, as the phone rings and rings eventually you are brought to voicemail, instantly you call him again.. no answer, quickly you find marks contact knowing he’s rooming with your boyfriend, you hit the call button, a few rings in mark answers the phone

“yes y/n?” he says slightly annoyed right off the bat

“where’s jaehyun and why is he not answering the phone” you say in a bratty tone

“he’s in the shower right now, try calling him back when he’s out” mark says in a monotone voice

“no, go tell him to answer me ” you whine

“y/n he’s in the shower” mark repeats himself

“i don’t care tell him to answer me right now” you slightly snap at him

“god i don’t understand how he deals with you, you’re insufferable” mark says before knocking on the shower door

“dude your girlfriends bitching at me to tell you to answer your phone” mark yells through the door

“oh shit, okay thanks bro” jaehyun says turning the water off

you get a call from jaehyun as you instantly hang up the phone on mark

“baby i thought we talked about being nicer to my friends” jaehyun says through the phone

“i wasn’t being mean to him, he was just being stupid, maybe if he did what i asked in the first place he wouldn’t have to deal with me yelling at him” you reply rolling your eyes

mark scoffs

“sweetheart, not everyone is going to give you princess treatment like i do” jaehyun says

“why not” you ask as a genuine question

mark laughs at your complete unawareness of how truly entitled you are as he sits in his bed listening to the conversation

“what did you do today princess” jaehyun asks changing the subject to distract you

“i went shopping with daddies money” you say smiling at him

“oh yeah? should daddy expect a call from the bank for fraud again?” he laughs at the amount of times his card has been temporarily frozen because the bank assumed it got stolen

“no i didn’t do that much damage today, plus the bank is so stupid, how are you going to freeze a card with no limit” you complain

“show me what you got pretty girl”

you begin to give jaehyun a hall of everything that you bought earlier

“didn’t do much damage my ass” mark says still listening to your conversation on the other side of the room

“ jaehyun hes being mean do something” you whine

jaehyun looks over to mark giving him a tight lipped smile before mouthing a “sorry”

“you’re getting cranky baby why don’t you get some rest” jaehyun says knowing how you get when you’re tired

you try to deny it but you feel your eyelids drooping “okay fine, i love you jae” you say

“i love you more princess, sweet dreams” he says waiting for you to hang up the phone because if he hung up you’d immediately call back just so you could be the one to end the phone call… you were truly a brat.

“how do you do it bro.. no offense but she’s actually miserable to be around” mark asks

jaehyun sighs, everyone in his life had asked him this question at least once, including his parents

“i love her man.. id give her the world if she asked for it, it’s my fault she’s such a brat i spoil her too much but i love her and her attitude” jaehyun says

“to each their own i guess” mark says

laying in your king size bed you’ve fallen into a deep sleep

hours later the door beeps in the distance signaling that it has been opened as a tired jaehyun pulls his suitcase through the door frame, taking off his shoes and leaving his belongings in the hallway, he was way to exhausted to unpack it right now, shuffling his feet into your shared bedroom he finds you fast asleep as the tv still plays your favorite show, he chuckles at himself as he reaches for the remote to turn the television off

undressing himself he slips under the covers with nothing but his boxers on, carefully turning himself to the side as he wraps his arm around your stomach pulling you closer to his body

at first you were startled but it only took a second to notice the familiar scent and the strong arm wrapping around you as you turn around to face him

“jaehyun?” you say wrapping your arms around his neck as you place one of your legs around his hip latching onto him like a koala

“hey baby i didn’t mean to wake you” he whispers leaving a kiss to your head

“no im glad you did, i thought you didn’t get home till tomorrow night?” you ask

“plans changed and i wanted to surprise you” he says

you smile at him as you squeeze him harder “i missed you so much jae”

“i missed you too sweet girl”

you unwrap yourself from him at you sit up, you really wish you could control yourself right now but having not seen your boyfriend in a month your body naturally reacted by making your panties soaked

you needed him right here, right now

“jae” you whine laying your entire body onto his kissing his jawline as your hands traced his abs

“babe i’m exhausted” jaehyun sighs patting your butt

“but i need you” you pout your lips at him

he can’t help but smile at your desperation “we can do this in the morning” he says

“but i need you now” you say as a spoiled tone leaves your mouth

on nights like tonight your spoiled nature was greatly unappreciated

jaehyun huffs pulling you off of him “go to bed” he says in an annoyed tone

you fall silent for a moment which slightly concerns jaehyun, you never backed off even when he told you to that’s until he hears slight sniffling coming from your side of the bed

“you don’t love me” you say crying

jaehyun takes a deep breath as you truly try his patience “i do love you sweetheart but im tired, i want to go to sleep”

“you think im ugly don’t you, you don’t like me anymore and you’re not happy with our sex life” you cry harder

“what no- where did that even come from i do not think you’re ugly one bit and i love our sex life, remember how much i proved that to you before i left huh?” he asks as you nod your head yes

he scoots closer to you wiping your tears

“what did i tell you before i left?” he asks

“that i have the prettiest pussy you’ve ever seen” you say dead serious

he laughs at your statement “well yeah i did say that and i meant it but what else did i say”

“hm? you said that you promised to pump a whole lot babies into me and get me all pregnant” you say again

jaehyun face palms himself “yes i said that too but i also said that i love you more than anything else in this entire world, and that i’ll love you until the day that i die, remember that?” he asks as you shake your head yes

there wasn’t many times that jaehyun told you no and when he did you always threw a tantrum about it, however jaehyun always came up with a compromise to make you happy

“you can warm me tonight and in the morning i’ll show you how much i’ve missed you beautiful girl” he kisses your lips before letting you get comfortable at he plays with his dick a little to get him hard enough so he could insert himself into you

jaehyun was big.. and your petite body always struggled taking all of him but you were never satisfied until he bottomed out, feeling his tip poke at your heat he softly inserts himself into you causing you to moan and whimper

“you okay baby?” he asks halfway to bottoming out

“mhm” you respond as he keeps going

“ow ow ow” you winced as he gets deeper

he gives you one of his big hands to squeeze as the other one still remains on your hip “ almost there baby you’re doing so well” he whispers interlocking his hand with yours gently rubbing his thumb over it

your tight pussy consuming his cock causing him to use some of his force to push it in deeper causing you to wince in pain again

“i’m sorry baby i know it hurts, daddy is too big for a little thing like you” he says finally bottoming out

you take in a deep breath as your pussy gradually gets used to his size, jaehyun wraps his arm around you as he feels the tiny bulge in your stomach from his cock

“always such a good girl for me huh?” jaehyun says as he kisses the back of your head before falling asleep as you do the same

waking up to the sun shining on your face you look excitedly to your boyfriend remembering what he promised you last night, your smile fell as you noticed the spot next to yours was empty

you quickly get out of bed to see jaehyun sitting on the couch with mark, johnny and haechan

“goodmorning prin-” before jaehyun could even finish his sentence you interrupt him “ what are they doing here” you say pissed off

“there just here to hang out for a little bit, we’re working on a song together so we’re brain storming right now” he explains

“why can’t you do this later” you whine

“here we go again” mark says clearly done with your shit

“i’m sorry but im not the one interrupting a couples alone time am i?” you snap your head to mark

“jaehyun get back in bed” you say

“no princess im doing something right now” he says looking at you

the guys look shocked hearing him tell you no

“but jae you promised me” you cry stomping your feet on the ground

jaehyun takes a deep breath as he pinches the bridge of his nose

“excuse me guys ill be right back, let me take care of her really quick” jaehyun says getting up from the couch grabbing your arm dragging you back into the bedroom before slamming the door

“god you’re such a brat” he says throwing you on the bed as he strips your clothes off along with his own

“you can’t wait a few more hours for my cock? you’re such a needy spoiled brat” usually jaehyun would prep you with his fingers or at least take it slow but not this time

he demanded you getting on all fours as you arched your back without warning he thrust his entire dick into you harshly causing a scream coming from you

“shut your mouth” he says as he balls up the first piece of clothing he sees shoving it into your mouth using it as a gag, he thrusts inside you so rough you feel like you could split in half at any moment, feeling your head fall down into the pillow in front of you jaehyun grabs a handful of your hair yanking you back up

he then flips you over putting your legs over his shoulders taking the gag out of your mouth “you’re gonna be a good girl for me and be quiet” you nod your head yes as he thrusts back into you

you wait for a moment before looking into his eyes purposefully letting out the loudest pornagraphic moan as you smile to yourself knowing that you pissed him off before you do it again

jaehyun puts his hands around your throat as he squeezes not so gently “ you think you’re so funny huh” he shoves the gag back into your mouth as he pulls out of you leaving back to look at your body spread out on the bed

he opens your legs a little wider before slapping your pussy causing you to scream through the material in your mouth. he slaps your pussy again and again getting more rough with each slap

“you’ve been so bratty lately, and i’ve been so kind to you huh, i let you use my money to buy whatever you want, i let you boss me around like your servant, i let you sleep with my cock inside of you last night because you wanted me so bad and this is how you repay me?” he grabs both of your wrists pulling you up out of bed and over to the dresser, “bend over” you do what he says as his hand meets your ass sending a sting to it threw every slap, he repeats this motion on both cheeks until they are raw, you let out a moan as tears run down your face

“look at you, fucking slut enjoys getting punished, is that why you’re so bratty all the time? you like it when daddy punishes you?” he says shoving his cock back into your pussy as you’re still bent over the dresser, his thrusts become faster jaehyun feels himself about to finish as his dick twitches inside of you, letting out a groan warm strings of his seed shoot inside of you

“you don’t get to cum until you prove to me that you can be a good girl” he says pulling out of you before pulling his pants up “and don’t you dare think about touching yourself” he says before waking out of the room leaving you there barely able to see straight

jaehyun was ALWAYS sweet during sex, always obeying your orders, giving you endless compliments as he gently made love to you, sometimes he was a bit rough but he was always so sweet, constantly asking if you are okay or if you’re in pain, he always made sure you came multiple times before he did… but today he showed you a different side to himself and that turned you on

catching your breath you limp to the bathroom, cleaning yourself up you notice blood on the towel that you used

you knew the blood wasn’t from menstruation, jaehyun had definitely slightly tore you or something, you didn’t seem too worried about it since you weren’t in immense pain just a little bit sore

making yourself look somewhat presentable you walk back out to the living room where all the boys sit on the couches

you avoid eye contact knowing they heard every little thing that happened in the bedroom, you try to make your limp not noticeable as you walk over to your boyfriend but that didn’t work out, completely giving up you limp over to jaehyun as you sit in the spot next to him cuddling up to his side

“hey princess, you doing okay” he said as if nothing had happened

you say nothing just nodding your head yes as you play with his fingers while he continues discussing work matters with his members, eventually they leave, now just you and jaehyun on the couch “you were such a good girl” he says kissing your lips as he carries you to the bedroom

“let me make you cum like i promised i would if you behaved” he says pulling down your pants as he’s about to pull down his own

“wait babe i don’t think we should fuck again” you say looking at him

“whys that my sweet girl” he asks raking his hands through your hair as he placed a soft kiss on your lips

“im bleeding a little from last time” you say

“what” he his eyes widen as you try and calm him down

“ it’s okay im not in pain but i think you might have accidentally tore me a little or something” you say softly

“oh my god i’m so sorry, i really didn’t mean to baby, god i’m an idiot i should’ve at least gotten you wet first” he rambles

you chuckle at the sight of him

“baby it’s okay really i’m fine” you say

“i know a way i can make you feel better” jaehyun crawls in between your legs spreading them apart as he takes your pants off, licking a stripe down you pussy making you slightly squirm and pull his hair

he continues to rub your clit as he leans up giving you a kiss on your stomach“you taste so good baby” he says before going back down on you

his tongue moves faster and faster up and down your heat as you feel yourself about to finish you pull his hair a little harder “daddy i’m going to cum” you moan as your body releases onto his tongue causing your body to shake

“good girl princess” he says kissing the inside of your thighs before laying down next to you, you immediately put your head on his chest once you put your pants back on

“i’m sorry, i promise to behave more often and not be as spoiled or bratty” you say into his chest, jaehyun chuckles as he hears your apology

“it’s okay sweetheart, you’re my princess you should be treated like one, i just want you to realize that not everyone is going to spoil you like i do and even then sometimes i can’t always do the things that you want right away or i might be a little too tired but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you, i love you very much, i promise that if i can’t give you what you want at the very moment you want it, i will make it up to you” jaehyun says kissing your lips

“i love you jae”

“i love you more princess”

[xo-adeline]

omg hii i loved the bllk cat post smm (i’m the one who requested it lmao)

now just imagine. the same boys. trying to cuddle the reader. but the cat sees it and runs over immediately and plops itself onto her lap, turns around, and gives him the most shit eating grin you’ve ever seen a cat make. then goes back to being a little baby when reader pats it, before turning around and giving him another smug look like “imagine not having (owner)’s attention”

basically the cat just beefing with him for readers attention and annoying the shit out of him, and maybe even biting him once when reader wasn’t around (and he tries to tell reader but the cat keeps interrupting and asking to be pet) 🥰

A/N -> I'm so glad you liked it!! I was a little worried since I don't have a cat and had to Google a little bit about certain behaviors and stuff but I'm glad that I did a good enough job for not only one part 2 but technically (another) part (2) 3!!

Chigiri Hyoma -> It started off fine, well as soon as you figured out how pissed your boyfriend was at your cat, and you ever so slightly made it move so you could cuddle with him -> But after like 10 minutes and his pissey side eye finally went away your cat came back, and much to Chigiri's dismay, sat right down on your lap -> He was PISSED -> I mean he finally got a couple minutes with you and all your attention, and on top of all that, after you start petting it your cat turns to him and gives him, and I'm not even kidding when I say this, the most shit eating grin on planet earth -> Now this cat is just fucking with him. But as the saying goes fuck around and find out, and that's exactly what happened. -> Side eye central but this time he actually did something about it (Ik crazy)! -> A little (bro wasn't trying to hurt your cat. As much as he wanted to he knew you would be pissed if he did) nudge and the cat jumped off your lap as he then pulled you to your/his room, and closed the door, making sure your cat couldn't get in and instead stayed with you in there until either one of you had to go, or y'all both fell asleep. Rin Itoshi -> He thinks this cat is out to get him (Spoiler alert, It is!) -> Another one who can't stand your cat and will side eye it when it starts to get all up in your grill -> But sadly he won't actually do anything until you notice how slightly pissed off slightly pouty he looks when looking towards the feline in your lap, especially when it gives him it's served up just for him, shit eating grin -> Once you finally understand it can go one of two ways either A - You keep the cat in your lap or B - You place it back down on the ground and cuddle with him If you picked A, then oh God.. -> Manz will get even more pissed off, especially if you looked right at him, maybe not at you (entirely) but also at this dumb cat -> Aren't animals supposed to be good with intuition?! Shouldn't your cat know that he's horrible with telling you things and getting enough confidence to even touch you?! -> He may be an egoist on the field but this kid has no idea about love or anything romantic -> Again he won't actually out right say anything, just kinda hint at in after looking back over (on turning on) the TV If you picked B, then good for you! No more grumpy Mr.Itoshi! -> If you laugh slightly, or fully at his frustrated expression and then put your cat back down on the floor or even next to you on the couch he will immediately untense himself and scoot closer to you, or you closer to him -> Man knows he's not good at communication and so when you finally start to understand him with no actual need for words he starts trusting you even more, letting you into a place he didn't even know existed and it's what makes him all warm and fuzzy inside (not how he describes it but whatever works) -> Once you actually start cuddling with him or anything he will be content again -> Just make sure you cat doesn't try to pull that bullshit again with him around Nagi Seishiro -> Bro was way too busy looking at his phone when your cat first jumped up onto your lap, he said he was only gonna be a second, and he was, but your cat saw it as an opportunity -> He was always laying his head down on your lap and the second he picked his head up, there was your cat! and you can imagine his surprise when instead of his head being met with your soft thighs it was a moving creature who scratched at him -> Catch his shocked face when he quickly sat back up and turned around and was met with you petting your cat and a shit eating grin sitting upon your cats face -> He let out quite a few sighs before saying something about you having that cat was way to much of a hassle for him, I mean he had to change his whole position just because of your cat -> you could only laugh at his words before asking if it was only to much of a hassle because he was jealous that a cat stole his spot, which he may have answered with a really quiet yes.

Bachira Meguru

-> This man is a menace and your cat will learn that very fast

-> Doesn’t give a shit where the cat is, doesn’t care what it looks like or what it’s doing, if he wants your attention he will get it.

-> Has picked up your cat many times and moved it off of you, and makes faces back at your cat when it tries to give him that shit eating grin

-> By the end of a couple days or a week of your cat knowing about Bachira it 99% of the time won’t even wanna be around Bachira unless it really likes playing and will stay off of you for the time being

-> Though if you insist that you wanna keep it on your lap, he doesn’t care! He’ll cuddle with you anyway

-> He’ll place himself in a way where he can still be all over you and you won’t even have to move all that much and you won’t have to move your cat

-> Probably the best person to cuddle with if you wanna keep your cat around, though if your giving it to much attention that’s a different story

-> He will get a little upsetti-spaghetti, but nothing a little cat removal from your lap can’t fix :D

-> He’s a very good problem solver! (Your cat who is now hiding from him disagrees but that’s besides the point!)

Isagi Yoichi

-> As yes, the only normal one (Bless you Isagi<3)

-> I’ll stand by my statement and continue to stay that he would be the only one to straight up tell you, but still for the sake of this story we’ll say that maybe he was pissed off from practice already and just really didn’t wanna talk because he was nervous he would say the wrong thing

-> So when he gets back to your house and sees that you’re sitting the couch seemingly doing nothing he was excited, it wasn’t often that the both of you saw each other and were able to just sit down and relax

-> So when he walked over and was about to sit next to you and lay his head down on your lap and then all of a sudden you had a cat on you lap his smile turned upside down real fast

-> You quickly said hi and even when you tried to get up and greet him your cat meowed at you signaling that it didn’t want you too, which you quickly cooed at it and stayed seated and ushered Isagi to sit down with you instead

-> He was already pissed off from practice and now this?! A cat stealing his attention, and as he looked back over and watched you playing with it, the cat was looking at him with the most smug look on its face, almost like it was rubbing it in that it had the attention and not him

-> and that’s where he lost it (and you were doing so good.. dang) he quickly scooted over and picked up the cat placing it on the ground before pulling you into his chest, maneuvering you both into a position that would be comfortable

-> You could only laugh as he looked so grumpy at your cat as he softly kissed your cheek and your shoulder

-> Just make sure that next time he comes home already grumpy have your cat somewhere else so he doesn’t accidentally throw it somewhere

[thirstytrashblogger]

Allan x Reader Meetcute Oneshot Adventure

A/N: God gave me the power to write and weed so I’m making stuff. 

Summary: A Allan Adventure redone scene so he can avoid that long-ass day. Really half of this is just the transcript from wiki but I had fun with it. 

Warnings: Mentions of quitting smoking, Smiling Friends shenanigans

___________________

Allan had stepped into the local Office Crap in search of some paper clips. He speaks to an employee with six arms who was stocking shelves to quickly ask where he could find the paper clips. 

Allan: Um, excuse me.

Armzo: [interrupting Allan] Wait, wait, wait, hold on man, I'm do- I'm in the middle of something here.

Allan walks up to Armzo while he continues to stack cans.

Allan: I just need some help.

Armzo: I'm warning you right now dude, keep screwing around and bad shit’s gonna happen, man.

Allan scowls at the rude attitude. 

Allan: You don't need to be rude.

Armzo angrily puts his cans down and walks up to Allan. Tapping his foot impatiently.

Armzo: Ok, what's up man, what do you want, huh? What’s going on, what do you need, man? Don't get nervous now, man, what? Ask your-ask your question, go ahead, what?

The two talk over each other, while the armless manager in the background notices the argument.

Allan: Look, asshole, I'm just wondering if you have any-

Armzo: Asshole?!

Allan: Yeah-

Allan and Armzo: Asshole!

Allan: You-

Armzo: Did you call me an asshole?!

Allan: Yes, I did, because you're being an asshole! Why didn't you help me?

Armzo: Bro, you’re being an asshole! I'm in the middle of something right now!

Allan: Fuck you, don't you work here? I'm just a customer!

Armzo: You walk up to me and you literally just start bugging me with stupid questio-

Allan: I'm not "bugging you", I'm just asking- you- you spider, you ass-

Armzo: What do you need?! Wha-

The manager runs over.

Manager: ARMZO! Who told you to stop stacking with your six arms? He wiggles his arm stubs.

Armzo angrily continues stacking while scowling at Allan.

Allan: Sir, do you know where I can find some paperclips?

Manager: Paperclips? No, sorry. Unfortunately, we're sold out.

Allan: Sold out?

 The manager nods.

Allan: Hmm, is there somewhere else where I can get them?

Manager: Hmm, the only place that might have them is that computer repair shop over in Crimeville.

Just then another critter appeared setting down a large box that was blocking them from view.

Y/N: W-wait, boss, what do you mean sold out? I just hauled in all these crates of paper clips.

Manager: O-oh ya did?

Y/N: Yeah for like the last 2 hours I've just been hauling these crates in. You told me to, remember?

Manager: Oh yeah. I thought that was Billy's job.

Y/N: Billy didn't show up today. Only Armzo and I did and since he has six arms and I don't he got stacking. He always gets stacking. We knew we were getting a big shipment today after that last guy bought the whole stock. Look at all these crates. That’s all metal in there. Look at how short I am. I could’ve used some help.

Manager: Uh huh. Look, y/n I really don't want to get into this right now. We have a customer.

Y/n looks to see Allan turn slightly revealing his presence. They mistook him for a load bearing pole painted red. 

Y/N: Oh, didn't see you there, man. My apologies.

Allen: Um yeah. I just needed some paper clips.

Y/N: Oh yeah yeah isle 7. Just over here. 

Manager: And Armzo, if you screw up again you're going BACK TO THE PSYCH WARD!!!!

Armzo starts quickly stacking cans in fear, the manager walks away before he turns back to a smiling Allan

Armzo: Thanks, man. Thanks for getting me in trouble, two armed piece of shit.

Allan: Sure thing. Hey goodbye spider. Goodbye. Keep stacking, keep stacking. Bye bye. Bye. Goodbye.

Armzo: [at the same time] Goodbye! Bye! Bye bye! Bye bye! Bye bye! I will, I will! Bye bye!

Armzo flips off Allan with three of his arms as he leaves to follow Y/N to the paper clip aisle. 

Armzo: Get outta here man.

One of the cans fall on Armzo's head

Armzo: WOAH-

All of the cans fall on and bury Armzo.

Y/n began leading Allen to isle 7.

Y/N: Look, man I'm real sorry about my outburst back there.

Allan: Oh, it's cool.

Y/N: Like I've just had a really rough morning but I'm trying to not project that onto people. You don't need to know about all that. Anyway, here's the paper clips.

Allan: No, I don't. Thanks for the paper clips though

Y/N: Yeah man. I can ring you up when you're ready

They turned to go to the register.

“Hey” said Allen getting y/n's attention. Now walking to the register with them, paper clips secured.

Y/N: Yeah?

Allan: (he looks to read their nametag) Y/N, you were much more helpful than that other guy with the arms. 

Y/N: Oh thanks, dude. Don't worry about Armzo, he's just been super irritable since the psych ward made him quit smoking. Called me a %$^#%$&@#&$^^$@^#^$@(!^&#%@@% yesterday so i put a dead fish in his locker. Anyway, that'll be $4.39, sir.

As Allan handed them the money their hands brushed a second longer than needed. 

Y/N: And 61 cents is your change. Would you like your receipt?

Allan: Sure.

Their hands brushed again as Allan was handed his receipt and his change. Static shocking them both.

Y/N: Have a nice day, sir.  

They waved off with a smile.

Allan: Yeah. You too. I guess I'll see you around.

Y/N: See ya around.

With that, Allen turned to leave with his paper clips. Upon closer inspection of the receipt, allen noticed y/n had written down their number.

______________________

Meanwhile in Crimeville, DJ Spit waited outside of the computer repair shop for Allen to walk out with the paper clips. After waiting a while he called up the landlord who hired him.

DJ Spit: (on the phone) Hey man, I don’t think this foo is coming, holmes. 

Landlord: WHAAAT?? But he should’ve been there by Now!!!!?

DJ Spit: Uhhh yeah man, no I don’t see him nowhere around. It’s already been like a couple hours. 

Landlord: OH Woah is me! Now who will I get who is cool enough to HANG out with me and smoke weed and fill out bellies with DIET soda and play Burnout Revenge for the PS2?!

DJ Spit: you got weed man? That’s cool I remeber playing PS2 with my primos after school. 

Landlord: Hey Dj Spit, Would you like to HANG out with me and smoke weed and fill out bellies with DIET soda and play Burnout Revenge for the PS2?!

DJ Spit: Would I still get paid, man? 

Landlord: Oh ABSOLUTELY!

DJ Spit: Oh fuck yeah man, I’ll be right over. My soundcloud about to pop the fuck off with this one. Hey ya want me to bring like beers or anything while I’m out. 

Landlord: No it’s cool. I’ve got the DIET soda. I just have to make a quick call to cancel the other stuff. I might still be able to get my DEPOSIT back. I guess what I really needed wasn’t a smiling friend but a friend who would make me smile. 

DJ Spit: Uh cool, so I’ll see you in like 15. 

Landlord: HEHEHEHe cool. See you in 15, PAL!

End

[bluebanisters35]

Spencer agnew x fem!reader

Doubts

Summary: Spencer has doubts.

Spencer has been acting strange all day. But it's not his fault. It's yours. You're wearing a cute little white sundress that has pink flowers dotted on it, and the dress hugs your waist perfectly. He can't stop looking at you. It's embarrassing how just a dress can make him feel this way. It's not just a dress, though. It's you.

You're currently sitting in the smosh cafeteria talking to Angela and Amanda about the upcoming TNTL video, brainstorming ideas. Looking over your shoulder, you spot Spencer leaning on the wall. Next to him is Shayne, who's talking his ear off about god knows what. Clearly, Spencer isn't paying attention to Shayne. Instead, he's staring into your eyes, and you can spot something that's close to love and admiration swirling in his chocolate brown eyes.

Later on in the day, Spencer finds you in the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge, trying to find a snack. He stalks up to you and wraps his tattooed arms around your waist. He feels you jump at the sudden feeling.' I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart.' he kisses your neck in penance. Stuffing his face in your delicate neck, he takes a deep inhale. Vanilla. You smell like vanilla.

'Bro, are you evening listening to me?' That seemed to snap Spencer out of his trance. He looked back at Shayne 'sorry man,' he says in a poor attempt at an apology. He looks back to where you're sitting, laughing along with the girls. Shayne follows his eyes, and it dawns on him. He's too busy looking at you to pay attention to anything else. 'Oh, I see. Now that you've got a girlfriend, you have no time for friends' Shayne teases. Spencer only gives him a small tilt of his lips in return. 'She's so pretty. How can I not look?'

Twisting your body in his hold, you sport a shy smile on your face and rosy cheeks. 'You could never scare me, Spence,' you reply, peppering tiny kisses on his cheeks. You can feel his hands rub up and down on your waist, sending shivers travelling up your back to your neck. Giving a hum of pleasure, he leans forward and puts his lips on yours in a soft, gentle kiss. Once. Twice. Three times. When he's finished worshipping your lips, he cups your cheeks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

Beaming, you ask,'What was that for?' He slowly pulls you to his chest, moving your arms so they wrap around his warm body, resting his head atop of yours after giving your forehead a tiny kiss. 'Wanted to show you how much I appreciate you, love you.' You can't help the wide smile that spreads on your face. You lean back to look into his eyes. He has a look of sincerity on his face that tells you he means it.

'What's going on in your head, Spencer?' Cooing in a hushed voice. You can see his throat struggling to swallow, 'Never gonna leave you, and you're never gonna leave me, right?' You can't help but feel a bit shocked at his statement. You reach up to cup his cheeks, rubbing your thumb across his stubbled face. 'Of course not! I'd be mad to leave you,' you reassure him, and he let's out a long breath of air he's been holding in.

Right, of course you wouldn't leave him. What was he even thinking? You've shown him so much love in the past 7 months you've been together that there shouldn't even be any doubt in his mind. But he can't help the insecurities that run around in his head. He doesn't deserve you, he thinks.

'I love you.' Your small voice snaps him out of his toxic headspace. 'I love you too, baby. So much.'

Yeah, you'd never leave him.

A/N: This is probably my favourite one yet. Hope it becomes y'alls favourite too <3

[grandlinedreams]

helloooo!! i was wondering if you could write a story about how law and the reader had a fight, but the reader feels really bad about it,, so they take a hit for him in an battle and almost die ?!!

i understand if you don’t feel comfortable with writing this,,, have a good day/night !!🫶🏻

OUGH I LOVE THAT TROPE TOO GOD LET'S BRING THE PAIN TRAIN but also love putting Law in situations. like bro if you didn't want to don't be so blorbo (borrowing a lil bit from one of my favorite books bc it has a scene like that and OOF)

[heads up!: angst, blood/injury]

There's blood on his hands.

Thick and smelling of copper, it covers his tattoos, his fingertips, his palms. When he looks at his reflection, he distantly notes that it's spattered against his neck and his shirt, too.

There's so much of it, and none of it is his.

"Captain?" Bepo's voice is small and hollow, uncertain as he watches Law sway a little at the sink before he turns the handle and begins scrubbing at his hands. "Are you okay?"

Law wants to laugh. What a stupid question ㅡ but he isn't sure how to answer. Does Bepo mean physically? Mentally? Emotionally? He scrubs at his nails, watches his skin tint pink from the force. Watery red swirls down the drain. "I'm fine, Bepo."

They both know he's lying.

ㅡ

"I'm telling you, this is a bad idea!" Your eyes are narrowed, blazing with fury as you jab your finger into Law's chest for emphasis. "You know better than this. There's no way this will end well, Law. You're going to get someone killed!"

Law's temper flares, and he reaches to bat your hand away from him before he steps around you. "If you have such a problem with the way I lead this crew, then maybe you shouldn't be part of it."

Law won't let anyone else change your bandages.

He winds and unwinds them, an endless loop with peeks at skin knitted back together with thick black thread. His hands ache with the memory of sewing you back together, knowing he'd been actively trying to wrench death's bony fingers from around you.

Pulling back, his gaze drifts over the bandages to the steady rise and fall of your chest. If there's a god who takes requests, he's ready to offer up a plea for you to make it out of this. You have to. You need to.

He still has to apologize.

ㅡ

It takes almost a week before you open your eyes. It's the twitch of your fingers that alerts him first, the shift in your breathing ㅡ and then you're staring at him. Your expression is blank and your eyes are still a little cloudy from medicated sleep, but you're awake. You're alive.

There are a thousand things that Law could say and should, but what tumbles from his lips is nowhere close to any of them.

"You're an idiot."

You blink at him. "Your bedside manner is terrible," you croak, hissing when pain lances up your left side like a wildfire. "What happened? Did I get in a fight with a sea king and lose?"

Law doesn't laugh at your attempt at humor, terrible as it is. He lets his gaze drift, assessing your injuries from minor to major, as he's done for days now. He doesn't want to look at the biggest one, the one that almost took you from him ㅡ so he stares at the bandaid on your cheek. "You were right," he finally says. "About that informant."

You blink. "Oh." You try to move a little, trying to see what else hurts. "Could you repeat that? It's not every day that I hear you admit that I was right about something."

His eyes narrow as his temper flares. "Don't joke," he hisses, "you almost died because you just had to get in the way."

He's doing this all wrong, he knows that ㅡ but he can't quite control his tongue because somewhere he's still a child demanding to know why someone is willing to risk their life for him.

"You're right," you say, and when he looks up he finds you watching him, expression neutral. "I shouldn't joke. I'm sorry."

Law studies you for several long minutes before he speaks again. "Why did you do it?"

"What do you mean?"

His eyes narrow. "Don't play dumb, [Name]. You know what I mean."

You stare at the ceiling, counting the rivets. "Because the Heart Pirates are nothing without our captain," you say, "because we can't afford to lose you. And...I needed to apologize."

Law stares.

"...Apologize." He hears you mumble softly, paler than he's ever seen you as he gathers you up, clutches at you like that alone will stop you from bleeding to death before he ever gets a chance to try and save you.

"So you almost got yourself killed in order to apologize to me? That'sㅡ"

"Something an idiot would do," you interrupt. "Good to know I'm doing what's expected of me."

"Youㅡ" Law shuts his mouth with the click of teeth, jaw taut as he tries his best not to blow up on you before his shoulders sag with a sigh. "Just concentrate on healing. And don't pull a stupid stunt like this ever again." He reaches up, giving the brim of his hat a nervous tug. "I don't like almost losing crewmates."

He doesn't like almost losing you.

"Does that mean I'm still part of the Heart Pirates?" He's confused by your question before the crux of this entire ordeal comes back to him ㅡ the argument the two of you'd had. He doesn't know if you mean to turn the knife, but you do as you repeat his words to him. "If you have such a problem with the way I lead this crew, then maybe you shouldn't be part of it."

His stomach twists. "You're still part of this crew," he reassures you, "which is why I'm telling you that you're not allowed to pull stupid stunts like this again. Am I clear?"

Your eyes lock. "Yes, captain."

The expression on his face softens. "Good."