#like both of these poems are so........ in them im so... INSECURE and foolish and i like. don’t want ppl to read them and be like who the | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 4 years ago

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goddddd im submitting p*etry to the campus l*terary j*urnal and. Lol ive barely written anything this yr and the only 2 poems that i think are (barely) decent enough to send in out of like. 30 viable ones are both uhhhhh Downers and i . don’t know what to do i need advice 😖 like they don’t move anywhere or say anything like mine used to it’s just stagnant sadness set to a rhythm or whatever and whell... im EMBEAREST!

#purrs #i feel SCHEWPID like ive pretty much stopped writing poetry bc of how bad everything has been and this is what i have to say for myself. lel #like both of these poems are so........ in them im so... INSECURE and foolish and i like. don’t want ppl to read them and be like who the #fuck is this girl what is wrong w her 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 esp since i like. have a reputation or whatever w this journal and also on campus in general #allegedly but like........ theyre so revealing of such ugly needful parts of myself. and it’s unbecoming but it’s all i have 💔 idk i just #like am internalizing my parents saying i have to be grateful and im not allowed OT feel sorry for myself KDHSKDHDJ but like. all of the #poetry ive produced since the last submission window has been sad except for the ones that aren’t which are unpublishable for various #reasons and well. poggers to all of it. idk what to do and im scared for ppl i know to read them lawlllll but it’s ok 🙈 except it isn’t 🙈#god i have to decide. and my dad would be upset w me if i told him abt this (which is why im turning to my Mew Chew Wools) because um. he’s #disappoited THST i havent been writing poetry for a while but it’s like dad i havent been a fully functional human being for a while and #that’s no way to write poetry. so whatever. bitches will mourn yet another piece of themselves they lost to the black hole of this seemingly #ceaseless global pandemic im bitches 💔#also the insane pathetic tragic etc part of all of this is if it was ANYONE ELSE i would REFUSE to allow them to harbor an iota of doubt abt #publishing something like this but because it’s Me... and i live in the ebironment i live in w limited ability to heal outside of it due to #semi-recent circulmstances... all my progress and self knowledge gets eroded and i can’t keep a firm grasp on it. but like literally my #degree is EXACTLY abt this like being vulnerable thru ur art and sharing that w the world and yet im sitting here like 😖 can’t let people #know i am insane. and it’s absolutely hilarious to me but also really sad. ok im done now i think

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