#like at the end of the day idk how fair these rates are because im sure theres various factors involved. but it IS bigger number. at least. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

multiplefandomsblog · 4 years ago

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request; Shuichi and his fem!s/o take each other virginity?

pairing(s); shuichi x AFAB! reader

warnings; post-game saihara, saihara has some PTSD from the killing game but it is not heavily mentioned, cussing AFAB! reader, soft dom! Shuichi, vanilla-ish, intense kissing, mention of marriage, hurt/comfort-ish?, angst-ish?, petty arguments, sexual frustration, they both losing their v-card, shuichi picks you up, shuichi reads porn mags but not elaborated here, established relationship, they've been dating 6 months btw, they're living together, cyring, begging, accidental overstimulation, self-indulgent, irresponsible and unprotected sex(always wrap it before you tap it you fucking idiots), unedited but used spellcheck. OKAY I KNOW 6 MONTHS IS REALLY SHORT AND I HAD A DIFFERENT IDEA IN MIND BUT I JUST DBHSBJHSBD IM SORRY THIS IS JUST SUPER MESSY

note; i rushed the end and this is kind of garbage(god please don't read this), but here's a few songs that i listened to while writing this;

505 - Arctic Monkeys & Cute Panties Soaked In Arizona Iced Tea - Sewer//Slvt & a bunch others idk

wc; 5.8k+

You both dabbled in the idea of having sex, having shared mutual trust and desire for each other within the early stages of your love-filled relationship.

Even so, the obvious statements were left unsaid, and the obvious desire you both have for each other’s bodies had been left alone, never to be picked up again.

Now don’t underestimate yourself, there would be some not-so-rare make-out sessions when you both got into the mood and made sure to give each other ‘the look’, but they’d always end in Shuichi stiffening up and asking if you’d like to stop.

And like an idiot, you had always said the same goddamn thing, the opposite of what you wanted to say. “Sure, y- yeah.” Always praying he wouldn’t hear the disappointment in your voice. You didn’t want him to be upset that you wanted to continue, because wouldn’t that just be selfish of you?

Your prayers always seemed to be answered anyway, though mostly carried by Shuichi’s helplessly obvious nature; he ate it all up.

But maybe you should’ve been praying for the opposite because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Maybe it was the stress from the fact that Shuichi’s boss yelled at him today, maybe it was from the fact that he had one of his colleagues accidentally file one of the most important cases, improperly, maybe it was because you both hadn’t fucked in 6 months.

Well, whatever it was, it had Shuichi fuming.

“This? Again?” Shuichi sighed in an attempt to calm himself, his face lacking the patience it usually held.

“What do you mean ‘again’!? I’ve told you this, tons of times before!” To be fair, you had no idea why you had been so angry either, but before you could even think or hold yourself back, random arguments you truly never cared about had been brought up.

What the hell were you two even fighting about?

Despite your mind screaming at you to stop, your mouth continued to act first. “God, why don’t you ever listen to me? You know, sometimes it seriously just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall when I talk to you.” That wasn’t true.

“Is that right?” He didn’t know what came over him. “Well, if we’re talking about our talking habits, I think you sometimes talk too much; it’s hard to keep track of what you’re saying sometimes, and it just- it brings me a headache…!” That wasn’t true either; he was a detective, he listened to every single detail you spoke out from those beautiful lips. Shuichi would listen as intently as he would during an investigation as he gathered information from perps.

But you didn’t know that. You had been too busy reeling from his previous statement to remember all the nice moments you had before this. His words felt like acid on your palpitating heart. Did you talk that much?

You gulped, lip trembling without your consent. “Y- yeah?”

No, I didn’t mean any of it. Please don’t look at me like that. “... Yeah.” Shuichi averted his eyes as he lied for no good reason.

You nodded in feigned indifference, chewing the inside of your cheek as you attempted to walk past him and outside the kitchen — to which he immediately stopped you, an urgency laced within his actions. Sudden anxiety wracked his body, and images of the previous executions flashed in his mind.

You couldn’t go.

With his eyes wide in a slight panic, they narrowed back to their normal width as he took a deep breath, pulling you towards him and suddenly pushing his lips on yours. “Shu-” he blanketed any open space for noise to escape through with his lips, kissing you with desperation you’ve never witnessed firsthand.

Despite your internal concern for him, your hands slipped up his shoulders to the back of his neck, pushing him closer to you than he already was on instinct.

Okay… This was okay. It was better than fighting, that was for sure.

You were confused by the sudden display of physician affection, but you could only get a little of you to care; you missed him. It had only been 5 minutes into the fight, yet you had been pulling him close like you hadn’t seen him in a year. Luckily for both you and him, he missed you too. He didn’t like fights. Especially not meaningless ones like these.

You both didn’t know how, nor when, but before you knew it, you had been sitting atop the kitchen counter, legs wrapped tightly around Shuichi’s waist as his hands gripped yours. A familiar, heavy feeling of arousal pooled up at your stomach, remaining there like an itch you knew only Shuichi could scratch. Shuichi was comfortably close for you to somewhat feel his phone poke at your thigh, but even so, not close enough. Clothes started to feel restricting, and you both shared the same need to just tear them off, but

—

“S/o,” he muffled on your lips, trying his best to try and pull away from your captivating lips on his, though it was incredibly hard with those velvety lips of yours.

“S/o!” The bad feeling in his stomach grew, and he suddenly realized it had been because he didn’t want such a special moment for the two of you, to be spoiled by a petty fight neither of you would remember in a few days. He didn’t want your shared story to be an argument that leads to sex. Call him a hopeless romantic but, that simply didn’t sit right with him.

Shuichi pulled away abruptly, apologizing under his breath as he avoided eye contact with a slightly puzzled you. “I…” He started nervously, gently nestling his forehead atop your beating heart in an attempt to self-soothe himself.

"I don’t want us to finally, um, do... This out of- of anger and- S/o, you have to know that I love you so much and that I-” That wasn’t what he meant to say, it didn’t come out right, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of what he had originally planned to say. His mind was jumbled, words weren’t good enough for him anymore. Shuichi began to prick small unwanted tears at the corner of his eyes as he rambled with sincere intention.

“I don’t want to look back at this day and- Or what if you regr-”

You shook your head frantically before he could finish his sentence, gentle fingertips tapping the underside of his head as you urged him to look into your eyes. You sighed fondly as you swam in those pools of liquid gold, a small, assuring smile contorting onto your face.

“It’s okay, I know, I know you didn’t mean it.” You took another breath as you continued, a deeper inhale. “And I know what you mean but, Shuichi I… No matter what, I could never regret a single thing with you,” His hands tightened around you.

“And frankly, it doesn’t matter how we ended up… Doing this with each other.” It was kind of funny how you both couldn't say the word 'sex'. A three-letter word that may have seemed terrifying to the two of you back then, started to gradually lose its intimidation factor.

“Because as long as you love me, and I love you, that’s all that will matter.” You lightly laughed at how sappy you sounded; wondering if you’d be this romantic when reciting your vows.

You two weren't even married.

But Shuichi would be lying through his teeth if he said he hadn't visualized you in a veil; and wow, did you look amazing.

Shuichi paused, gazing up at you with intense affection, and love for you. You could feel your cheeks heat up from how intently he gazed at you, you couldn't help but slightly shrink underneath his gaze.

Without missing another beat, Shuichi suddenly broke the gaze, and wrapped his arms underneath your bottom, picking you up with a concealed struggle. He'd have thought spending most of his time typing in that office, would give him some sort of arm strength.

Well, you'd find out later, wouldn't you?

Making his way to the bedroom carefully, Shuichi gently set you down on your back, trapping you in between his arms and locking his lips back onto yours soft and slowly, unlike his last pecks.

You could feel your heart rate speed up as he started to run his hand underneath the thin material of your top, and despite the rising anxiousness itching at you, the feeling of love and anticipation easily overpowered the feeling — though not completely.

For a split second, Shuichi pulled away to pull your shirt up and over your head, and the moment his loving, eager golden eyes found their way back to you, he swore he almost suffered a cardiac arrest on the spot.

With your hands resting beside your head, lips swollen and exposed chest heaving; he thought you looked like the most stunning human being that had ever graced this earth.

And he wasted no time showing you how he felt.

Quickly stripping himself of his shirt, you watched in slight amusement as he struggled to throw the material across his room, his eagerness becoming his enemy. He felt the mattress slightly dip and inflate, though he couldn't see anything as his vision was obstructed. Shuichi — despite having a feeling you had sat up and was probably going to help — didn't want to submit into his embarrassment just yet. He could take off his shirts, and he was going to prove it-

His eyes clenched shut in frustration, suddenly shot open as he felt a cool breeze hit his warm face, as well as the sound of quiet laughter.

"C- come on, don't laugh...!" Shuichi complained half-heartedly.

You grinned. "Sorry, sorry," You raised your hands in defence, taken by surprise as

Shuichi pinned the same hands back onto the bed, playfully pecking your face all over before moving down the valley of your neck and collarbone.

You did your absolute best to not laugh as Shuichi had told you to, but you couldn't prevent the huge, goofy smile that broke out on your face. The euphoria of having someone you truly love and trust, showering you with affection, combined with the ticklish feeling of his slightly chapped lips on your neck, had caused you to giggle.

"Is it- Is it really that funny?" Shuichi grumbled, kisses turning into gentle bites as he wanted to get you to make noises that weren't giggles; not that he didn't adore the sound.

Just not in this situation, nor position.

"It's not, I-" You snorted, "I promise! I just, I feel really, really happy right now." You admitted in between laughter.

You felt Shuichi pause against your neck, and your laughter died down as you wondered if you did something wrong.

"Shuichi-?" You squeaked as you felt his warm breath and kisses travel quickly towards your stomach, right above where you wanted it most. You could feel your face heat up, as well as your core, from the mere puff of air.

Your excitement slowly turned to dread as you felt his hands slowly slide down to the waistband of your pants, and without realizing it, you stiffened up. You felt slightly guilty of your reaction; you wanted this, right? You were so excited a moment ago, where did it go? The logical part of you didn't seem to want to chime in and say, 'It's a natural reaction!'

So you settled for chewing your lip in an attempt to distract yourself from the heart-wrenching guilt.

The action hadn't gone unnoticed by Shuichi; he knew that habit all too well. It was a nervous habit, quite often in many people, but it always seemed to drive Shuichi crazy when you did it. He never noticed when others did, as he was constantly too busy staring straight at you like a boy with a hopeless crush.

But look at him now.

Shuichi from 6 months ago probably wouldn't believe the Post-Shuichi, that he had got the chance to be your boyfriend, let alone share such an intimate moment with someone as special as you.

"Hey, look at me," He grinned gently as he caught your attention.

"It's... It's just me here. You don't have to worry, or be nervous because I'm right here, and I... I'll love you no matter what." It was hypocritical to say, as his hands had practically been quivering beyond his control, but he spoke the sincere truth for you.

He watched in slight anxiousness as you stayed in silent, stunned shock. Shuichi started wondering if he should've said something else-

"O- Okay, yeah, you can- You can, um." You didn't mean to sound so awkward, but you hoped the slight eagerness laced in your voice made the message clear enough for him.

Shuichi slipped his thumbs underneath the waistband of your pants, golden eyes focused entirely on your face as to detect any discomfort.

Seeing none, he slipped the rest of it off, growing excited yet also nervous as he saw you for the first time. "You're soaked..." He uttered underneath his breath in stunned awe, unwillingly causing you to jerk your legs shut.

And who's fault is that!? You wanted to say that, but in the condition and position you were in right now, it didn't seem very possible nor ideal.

You let out a small whimper as you felt Shuichi gently encourage your legs back open, a small pout on his face as you hadn't given him enough time to savour the visual.

No words were said, and no words were needed as Shuichi communicated his wanton need for your pussy with nothing but his eyes. Captivated and persuaded by his puppy-dog eyes, you hesitantly opened your legs back up, silently gasping as you felt the cold air hit your glossy folds yet again.

Your momentary shock faltered into embarrassed confusion as you caught Shuichi staring at it with a thoughtful gaze. It was strange; you felt like an animal at the zoo up for display to just... Stare at.

But perhaps the most embarrassing thing about the whole thing was the stars in his eyes as he watched you twitch and shudder. “Sh- Shuichi.” You tried to snap him out of his gaze, face growing hotter and hotter as time passed by with him continuing to stare at your impatient pussy.

“I’m just going to… Put one in.”

If there was anything Shuichi had learned from the numerous articles on how to please your partner during sex, is to always prep them.

“Wait, huh-?"

His finger sunk in easily, prodding finger slipping into a pillowy bundle of nerves; it was like heaven on earth for Shuichi, and he wanted to make sure it felt the same for you.

"Hah- Nnnn!”

Your loud moan snapped him out of his trance, and unfortunately, he had reacted a moment too late as his finger had already been knuckle deep.

Experiencing a mini panic attack, guilt overwhelmed his body, and he moved to pull out, only to be caught by surprise as you caught his wrist right before he could.

"N- No...! It's- It's okay, mmngh- Just- just feels good, is all." You were glad you hadn't lost the complete ability to speak yet; because that'd surely be humiliating, wouldn't it?

Shuichi tensed his hand unintentionally, causing you to jolt slightly as you could feel every single movement. Shuichi's eyes widened in realization and guilt at your sudden reaction.

"A-Ah, sorry! I didn't mean to-" He cut himself off, head tilting as you moaned a little too loud for your taste — but not loud enough for his.

Shuichi shifted himself, so his face was hovering over your blissed-out one, slight confusion taking over your features as he seemed to be watching you carefully, almost as if he was expecting something —

With a sharp inhale, you felt your hole swallow in another finger, the pleasure now doubled up. If this is what fingering felt like... Then you'd have to assume the main course felt 5x as good as this, right?

Your hands shot up to his shoulders to dig your nails into, the pleasure finally becoming too much as he started experimentally moving in and out slowly.

Shuichi would've asked, 'Is this okay?' but judging by your moans and pleas for more, he concludes he has his answer.

Running his thumb down your folds, Shuichi decided he would explore your pussy as he continued his slow thrusts in your clenching hole — and what better way to do that than to accidentally brush his fingers against your clit?

You nearly sobbed, climax rising alarmingly close, before dropping as Shuichi continued with his exploration.

"Shuichi! T- There! Right there! Please!" You repeated like a mad man, nearly jolting up if it wasn't for Shuichi's body that loomed over you.

With a confused, but obedient nod of his head, Shuichi tested the waters yet again, eyebrows furrowing as he pressed around in random spots. "Ah!" His eyes widened in slight achievement as he watched you start to violently spazz out the moment he pressed onto a button-like nerve.

"C- Coming, I'm- I'm comin- Ahnn!" Shuichi began roughly circling his thumb over the bundle of nerves, unknown of how sensitive the nerve was, and unknowingly forcing you into overstimulation.

"Sh- Ah- W- Wait!" You stammered, squirming away from his unrelenting hand, unsure as to why it had felt as strong as it felt. "Wait, please!" Shuichi suddenly pulled away from your clit, panic taking over his body yet again as he carefully picked you up and slipped you onto his lap.

"I- I'm sorry...! I didn't... Are you- Are you okay?" He stuttered, eyes wide with concern.

Had he gone too far? Was he missing something? Maybe there was a spot you didn't like?

You shook your head, doing little to assure the rising storm of worry you knew Shuichi would accumulate.

"I- I'm okay, it felt good. I think you just overstimulated me a bit but," You brought your arms around his neck, scooching your partially numb ass over his erection.

"... Not like I didn't like it." You grinned lopsidedly, leaning up to capture his lips into a passionate kiss, one filled to the brim with ever-lasting passion. He wasted no time to reciprocate, face slightly reddening as he groaned from the slightest pressure of your thigh pressing down against his erection.

"Sorry...-" Shuichi slipped in an apology, before quickly being sent back into the depths of your touch.

"Don't be-" You countered, letting one of your hands run down the crevices and nooks of his scrawny chest and stomach, down to trace his faint V-line.

"Mm-" An unplanned moan slipped out, and the blush on his cheeks worsened. He was sensitive, and that was to be expected for a first-timer. Though Shuichi refused to believe it was his sensitivity, but your soft touch.

Jolts of pleasure shot up his spine, and his pants only grew tighter, to the point where his brain was screaming at him to take them off.

Lucky for him, you complied without another thought.

You broke the kiss, resting your forehead against his chest as you hunched over to unbuckle his pants. The breathy and beautiful sounds of Shuichi panting like a dog-in-heat above you only made your fingers work faster. The sound of his zipper being pulled down hit his ears, and his eyes clenched tight shut as he felt a curious hand fiddle with his boxers.

"Can I...?"

He nodded frantically, an adorable eagerness overtaking control of his actions.

As you slipped your hand into the binds of his grey-scale boxers, you weren't sure what you were going to see, or how he would feel once you got your hands on his stiff length.

Shuichi wasn't sure what he was expecting either, but expectations didn't matter when you were with each other, right?

"H- Hnnnn...!"

Well, even so, he sure as hell wasn't expecting his strained whine he let out the moment your hand coiled around the base of his cock. With his whine unintentionally egging you on, you decided to pull it out all the way, curious to see him.

God, if you were to laugh now, he'd probably die.

The truth was, you weren’t sure if you could physically laugh, nor breathe…. Or even speak for that matter. He rendered you speechless, and as he tried to read your expression, he found himself praying the silence was a good thing. Though before the thick, lust-filled air could suffocate you both, you decided to voice your thoughts.

“W- Will that fit…?” Your face was probably as hot as a pizza pocket fresh out of the oven.

Now, you weren’t sure what a real dick looked like; you hadn’t seen one in real life before, so maybe it was average in dick sizes, but you couldn’t help but shudder from uncontrollable excitement combined with the fear of that thing tearing into you.

Shuichi noticed the look of fear on your face, and his instinct kicked in; nervosity and anxiety went as he focused on your needs instead, something he’d always done, to an almost unhealthy point.

You let yourself fall back onto the mattress yet again, your head that had been lost in its own thoughts, hitting the plush pillows as Shuichi softly guided you comfortably down. It seemed only now did you realize you were completely bare to Shuichi, head to toe, naked. What a convenient time.

Shuichi’s T-Shirt struggles couldn’t distract you now, and so there you sat, avoiding eye contact with the worried boy as you shrunk further into yourself. You were ready, you repeated to yourself. But perhaps your true fear had been, was he ready for you?

His voice broke the upsetting silence, and out came the words you didn’t want to hear. “If you’re having doubts, we don’t have to do this today, or ever, for that matter.” Shuichi was so close to you, you could practically hear the sound of his little heart beating unevenly. Your hand subconsciously lifted and set itself on his chest to try and feel the small hum and vibration of his heart, and for a second you almost forgot what he had asked.

“I… Shuichi, I want this but,” You weren’t sure how to explain, and a part of you wished he could just read your mind and tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. But relationships weren’t that easy.

“I… What if I dissatisfy you? Like, what if I’m too small, or too loose, or- or what if how I look impacts the experience; are you sure you want to have your very first time with someone like me? Like-” Shuichi cut you off with his lips, the desire for you to stop talking about things that would never happen, as well as the desire to kiss you, combining into this moment.

The man wore an expression of pure earnestness; the confidence he had almost scared you. “I love you so much, and none of that matters to me. I promise you, none of that will ever happen.” His voice was heartbreakingly sincere, to the point where you felt guilty for doubting him.

He, honest to god, understood how you felt completely. Shuichi was afraid he would cum too early, or if he wasn’t long enough, or girthy enough- He was terrified of ruining your first experience with him, he just didn’t want to look the emotion because he was afraid diffidence wasn’t sexy.

Maybe it was ridiculous, but to be fair, your assumption of yourself dissatisfying him was even more so.

Not trusting your own voice to speak, you simply averted your eyes and nodded, exhaling slowly as you tried to push your doubts away. Shuichi followed your gaze, using a gentle hand to tilt your head back to face him, wanting you to look at him as he finally puts it in.

“I’ll go… really slow, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop, okay baby?” You went beet red at the new pet name, but before you could counter his sneaky remark, your voice and breath were stolen from you as you felt something warm throb at your entrance. Was that his —

“Sh- Shit...!” You hissed, eyes clenching tightly shut to conceal the small tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. You were right, it was going to hurt.

Shuichi had only slipped in the tip of his cock, marvelling at how easily it sunk in at fault to your slick. He bit back several low moans that threatened to spill out of his mouth, God, you felt so warm inside. Perhaps it was a gross thought, but Shuichi hadn’t exactly been thinking anymore, eyes clouded and nearly crossed from the intense, foreign but pleasing feeling.

“H- How does It feel this good…?” He slipped quietly to himself, eyes lidded as he lost himself in your embrace.

Gulping harshly, he stilled his hips and tore his eyes away from your walls that hugged him so snugly, shifting his attention instead to your pained expression. With a hushed and strained voice, Shuichi voiced several shy but sincere praises and assurances.

His bony hands travelled up from your hips, to lace your hands, fingers shakily lacing your fingers together. Shuichi found himself sighing in relief as he could feel your stiffness slipping away, squeezing your hand as a reminder that he was proud of you for it.

“Do you want me to move?” Shuichi asked, worried eyes darting to your concealed ones.

You pursed your lips, hesitating to shake your head no. You knew they couldn’t stay like that forever — Well, Shuichi probably would’ve if you told him to, but you couldn’t do that to him. Then again, you were still trying to get used to the painful yet filling intrusion in between your legs.

You were on a mental crossroad, unsure of what to say in response to such a simple question. And great, now you left him too long without a reply; the poor guy was just laying there. You could hear your brain screaming at you to just say something! Just fucking say something-!

Shuichi noticed your slight discomforted expression, as well as feeling you tense underneath him. A light bulb went off in his head as he thought of a way to make it all better, and he opened his mouth to speak once again.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, just um… Just trust me, okay?” You felt him squeeze your hands again, to which you squeezed back, voice caught in your throat.

You trusted him, of course, you did. What if he didn't know how much you trusted him? You would put your entire life in his hands, you would jump off a cliff if he told you it was safe.

Your lifeline spoke up again, "Take a deep breath and then exhale at three. R- Ready?"

You nodded, taking the deepest breath you could.

"One," Shuichi whispered.

"Two," You felt your shoulders relaxing.

"Three." As soon as your entire body sunk into the sheets, relaxing completely, he sunk the rest of his length inside you, pushing harshly against your hands pinned on the bed for leverage. Shuichi had been holding his breath as to not moan too loud, despite the foreign feeling, it almost felt like it was meant to be like this. Would it be cheesy if he thought fucking you was his destiny?

You gasped sharply, eyes shooting open as your jaw dropped, silent screams escaping your mouth as your back arched into him.

"Ah- Ah!" Your strained moans grew louder as the stretch finally registered within you. A bead of sweat formed on your forehead as you squeezed his hands tightly, wanting to pull him closer.

Shuichi didn't say anything, biting down on his lip and nearly drawing blood as he bottomed out, his balls clapping gently on the tender skin of your ass.

You couldn't help but whine uncontrollably the feeling being too much. You could feel everything. The small curve of his perfect cock, the feeling of his tip pulsating into your walls and every goddamn accidental shift of his Shuichi’s hips.

With his hips pressed as close as they could be against yours, you had no choice but to wrap your legs around his waist, heels bumping against his tail bone as you did such.

Everything seemed to slow after a couple of seconds filled with breathy silence, your heart rate slowing down as well. The stretch remained, but the pain slowly melted away with every exhale you took, pleasure and need overtaking it instead. “Sh- Shuichi.” After hearing your voice so brittle, Shuichi lifted his head from your shoulder in urgency and concern. “Y- Yeah? D- Don’t worry, I won’t move until y-”

“N- No, you can- You can move, it- I want it.” You stammered over your words, suddenly shy as you pleaded for him. It was embarrassing to be begging for something so lewd, but you’d soon learn that embarrassment wasn’t valid when you were screaming your lungs out.

You’d wonder why you were both suddenly so timid with each other, treating each other like fragile glass that could break if you arose your voice too high.

Nodding uncertainly at your words, Shuichi gave your hands one last reassuring squeeze unsure if he had done that to assure you or him.

With a shaky inhale, Shuichi tested the waters by rolling his hips against yours gently. Worrying whether he was doing it right, as well as worrying if he hurt you. Though he’d be lying if the worry didn’t somewhat slip his mind the moment he felt that nearly irresistible wave of bliss wash over his body. Not wanting the feeling to stop, Shuichi decided he’d do it again, causing you to moan louder than the first time.

He couldn’t help but feel something strike his heart, and before he knew it, he was thrusting harder, more, aiming in different directions to get you to moan louder.

“Hah!” It was a foreign feeling, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad thing. You could feel your heart pulsating, a thin layer of sweat cultivating on your skin and his, and most of all you could feel Shuichi moving inside you. Every inch of him rubbed against your walls, and all of it just felt so fucking addicting.

“S/o!” His call for your name had lost itself in the sea of your moans as well as his own.

You could only reply in rickety moans, body bouncing as each thrust he granted upon you pushed your head closer to the headboard; the only thing keeping you as close as you were to Shuichi, being your connected hands.

“Sh- Shuichi, fuck!” You couldn’t even remember your name anymore, the name of your lover rolling off your tongue a couple of hundred times as your eyes rolled into the back of your skull, his hard pace driving you to insanity. You couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore, moans that escaped your lips sounded so pornographic you couldn’t possibly assume those were yours.

Shuichi on the other hand had been moaning and grunting like he was in pain; the way your walls clenched around him had brought him closer and closer to his high, but he didn’t want to cum just yet. He wanted to get that sweet spot.

It was so incredibly gratifying every time you called out his name; maybe not-so for the neighbours, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly smug as his neighbours would’ve known that it was — “Shuichi!” — who had been making you wail and moan like that.

Your uncertainty and discomfort from earlier disappeared into thin air, forgotten forever as you lost yourself in this new feeling of being plowed like a cornfield.

Finally finding the energy and courage to pry open your tear-filled eyes, your jaw remained slack, mouth blubbering out nonsense and ‘I love you’s as you made eye contact with Shuichi.

You felt your heart stutter and stop a moment as you saw how pretty he looked at that moment. With his facial expression contorting into one of pure pleasure, and a thin layer of sweat making his skin almost seem like it was glowing, combined with the loving look in his eyes; it was all too much, and before you knew it, you made your own lewd expression as you felt a foreign knot suddenly build up and untie in your stomach just as quick.

With stuttered, pathetic attempts at pleading his name, you attempted to get his attention as you had been slightly afraid of what was building up inside you. “Sh- Shu- Some- Something’s- Mmnhah!” You sobbed out, jaw going slack as screams poured out from your throat.

Shuichi’s eyes widened just a fraction as he realized what was happening, slowing his hips before suddenly going faster than before, grunting as he brought himself back to his high. “It’s- It’s okay baby, just let go- Urk—!” Shuichi wheezed as he felt your trembling vaginal walls clamp onto his throbbing length, feeling as if he had just gotten the air punched out of him. Well, you were only following his order.

Hunching over you, he squeezed your hands as he rolled his hips one last time, slow and deep, causing you to elicit a louder scream from the spot he hit. He had to suppress a thankful smile; there it was. He began to dig his glans especially hard into that spot, causing you to sob and squirm from the intense pleasure he had been putting onto you. “S- So good- I- I can’t-” You stammered, mind fuzzy and misfunctioning as your orgasm had been concentrated by Shuichi’s bold action.

You wondered if this was his first time; he seemed so experience like he knew all the right spots to press and prod at.

When really, he just read way too many porn mags.

Shuichi’s breath hitched as he felt his cock twitch, not long after the mini action, he had finally released inside you, going slack over your body as he nearly cried into your shoulder from how good it felt. Desperate and shaky moans and groans spilled from the binds of his thin lips, and no matter how hard he tried to dig himself into your neck, the moans remained loud.

Time seemed to slow down, Shuichi had gone flaccid inside you and quiet as he tried to catch his breath. Despite the lower half of your body still incredibly sensitive and numb, you managed to switch your positions, shifting him, so he was laying on his side instead of you.

He let himself be cradled by you, sweaty skin sticking together in an uncomfortably comfortable way. It was warm.

“... God, we should’ve done that months ago.” You half-joked, voice gravelly.

Shuichi groaned in response, wincing as he pulled out slowly.

“I don’t think I.. regret waiting.” Shuichi truthfully spoke, smiling a lopsided grin.

“Because it made this moment more special… right?” He hoped he wasn’t the only one to think so.

You nodded, eyes eventually drifting shut. “Yeah… You’re right, you’re.. always right.”

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thosch3i · 3 years ago

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Hi hi! So the lost tombs and chronology all super confuse me. So tlt2 ended on a cliffhanger that was not resolved by tlt3 which is ultimate note, but now there is another tlt3 that I am guessing is made by the same studio as tlt2 (but not UN) that actually follows tlt2? And it has the same WPZ as tlt2 (but sadly different WX, ZQL though I’m sure these guys are great). You seem to know what you’re talking about so I’m hoping you can help!

UN also ended on a cliff hanger so I’m wondering if they’ll get a sequel from their studio that comes before tomb of the sea.

ahhh hello anon! yes ahaha the dmbj dramas are certainly very confusing--because they keep switching the screenwriters/entire production team between dramas. huanrui did tlt1 (2015), tlt2 (2019), and the sequel to tlt2 (2021). they're also technically the production company for un (2020), but linghe did like all the directing/casting/writing so its significantly different in tone and quality from the other dramas huanrui produced. npss (dmbj author) did sha hai (2018) and tltr (2020), with sha hai being in collab with linghe, so you can see lots of parallels with un and shared cast. (gonna add that i dont know much about the m9 because that’s not what im personally interested in, so i’m only going by stories with wu xie & the iron triangle.)

unfortunately, the dramas pretty have no continuity as a result of all the weird shit and multiple studios doing different dramas and messy stuff going on behind the scenes. the author's production company currently has all the rights back for filming future dramas, which is......imo, a good thing for book fans who love the author but a 😬 thing for book fans who like the original story more than what the author is now doing with it. I'll uh avoid saying too much opinion stuff though so no more on that 😅

that aside! yes 云顶天宫 “explore with the note” part 2......is the direct sequel to tlt2 and done by the same studio. unfortunately the writers are different and im not sure how much of the production team is the same either. idk how much you know about the novels so brief summary here--for the chinese version, the main story has 9 parts split among 8 books (though the official eng tls have each part being a different book) with some important content being as follows:

official eng title “cavern of blood zombies” (first time wx goes into a tomb, first t3j meeting)

official eng title “angry sea, hidden sands” (xisha seabed tomb, introduce a-ning)

official eng title “bronze tree of death” (bronze tree in qinling, wx & lao yang solo adventure)

official eng title “palace of doom” (heavenly palace on the clouds, introduce bronze gate)

official eng title “deadly desert winds” (golmud, introduce hei xiazi, desert, rainforest, tamutuo)

official eng title “graveyard of a queen” (the rest of that arc, wu sanxing & xie lianhuan reveal, jade meteorite, amnesiac xiaoge and escape, sanshu vanishes for good--also i think the official eng tl covers a couple chapters of the beginning of the next part too)

阴山古楼 (searching for xiaoge’s memories in banai, miluotuo cave, i think introduction of wu erbai)

邛笼石影 (auction/hotel iron triangle fight, introduce xiao hua & xiuxiu, wx & xh on the mountains alone while pz & xg go with granny huo)

finale (rescue from zhang family mansion, changbai mountain goodbye, 10 years promise)

after the main story are the main sequels:

zang hai hua (tibetan sea flower; unfinished & abandoned) covers wu xie a few years after xiaoge has entered the gate, searching to understand xiaoge’s past

sha hai (tomb of the sea; unfinished & abandoned) covers wu xie’s plan to wipe out the wang family, after zhh

chongqi (reunion: the sound of the providence) covers wu xie’s lung disease and how he recovers from that, set after they pick up xiaoge again from the bronze gate. thunder city and everything.

灯海寻尸&万山极夜 (still updating on wechat) don’t worry about this one since it’s still a WIP lol

btw between sha hai and chongqi there’s also ten years later (a short story) that covers how wu xie and pangzi pick up xiaoge from the bronze gate and take him home

the dramas Do Not Connect To Each Other At All, which the exception of tlt2 & tlt2 pt2 somewhat, but they go in this order:

盗墓笔记 / the lost tomb 1 (2015): covers part 1 but with major OCs and filler, and includes the auction scene from part 8 for some reason, so introduces xiao hua early.

怒海潜沙&秦岭神树 / the lost tomb 2 (2019) technically “explore with the note”: covers parts 2 & 3 but with major OCs and filler, introduces xiao hua & xiuxiu (and hei xiazi briefly) early. last couple episodes also cover the beginning of part 4. not a direct sequel to tlt1 despite being done by the same studio.

云顶天宫 / heavenly palace on the clouds (2021) technically also “explore with the note”: covers part 4 with major OCs and filler (and the same changes carrying over from tlt2). some episodes are identical to the last couple episodes of tlt2. works as a direct sequel only if you ignore the last couple episodes of tlt2 that take place in the snowy mountains. (those episodes of tlt2 were filmed after this drama was filmed, and im still not sure why they dragged the wu xie and xiaoge from tlt2 back to changbai mountain to film those episodes.)

终极笔记 / ultimate note (2020): covers parts 5-8 with minor OCs and minimal filler, also introduces xiao hua & xiuxiu early. the only adaptation that resembles its source material most of the time.

沙海 / tomb of the sea (2018): covers the second sequel with major OCs and filler. includes some bits from zhh and the short story “three days of silence”.

重启之极海听雷 / the lost tomb reboot (2020): covers third sequel with major OCs and filler.

in addition there is the prequel series mystic nine (2016) and side movies for the dramas that the author produced. there is also a single standalone movie--time raiders (2016) that is....well it’s. very strange. it’s fully subbed on youtube if you’re interested?

the best way to watch the dramas is to assume each one is its own self-contained AU set along different points of the dmbj timeline because even the dramas the author himself worked on don’t have continuity LOL (and with the exception of ultimate note & sha hai most of the time, also assume most characters are pretty OOC from the novels).

i uh regret to inform you though, that ultimate note will not be getting a sequel unless the author magically decides to not care about making money anymore and sells the rights to film the finale to linghe or something ^^;;;; it’s....unfortunate bc un is the most highly-rated dmbj adaptation on douban by A Lot, but it’s an adaptation that the author had literally nothing to do with whatsoever.

more information on some of the side movies/stage plays/manhua/donghua here.

summaries of the main novel stories (currently through zhh) here.

edited mtl (some of which has apparently been looked over by native cn speakers) of the novels following where official eng tls end here. (there are many scattered extras as well.)

you can get the official eng tl books/ebooks on amazon or elsewhere(?), but if you have problems purchasing them or like you just dont wanna support amazon or something, dm me off anon. (also i dont want to be mean but frankly the official tls are kinda bad too ^^;;;)

a rough timeline (spoilers galore) for the dmbj novels here. (fair warning im not 100% sure how accurate all of this is--they put three days of silence as 1991 but looking at the info in zhh, it seems like it should have been before the 1950s...but it’s more than fine as a general overview.)

anyway i hope that was helpful in some way? dmbj is a Very Confusing thing to get into ahahaha, one of my twitter mutuals has made a few carrds if you think they might be helpful: book, dramas (slightly out of date bc it says heavenly palace hasn’t aired yet), ultimate note (got its own carrd by virtue of being the only adaptation aside from sha hai sometimes that most og book fans acknowledge lol ^^;;;)

also anon if anything wasn’t clear or if you had more questions feel free to ask again sorry ahahaha im kinda tired rn @.@

#dmbj #shouting into the void #ask #anon #....im kinda tired bc i just finished watching ydtg so i hope that doesnt come across *too much* in this post LOL #and its probably obvious which adaptation im biased towards but after reading the novels i cant really help it

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grapejuicefilledpools · 3 years ago

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My ramblings on finishing Magi and Magi: The Adventures of Sinbad and **SPOILERS for the whole series**

So to be fair, I finished reading Magi like a month ago. I just finished The Adventures of Sinbad like 5 minutes ago. For a short summary: I’m not a big manga reader but this makes me want to read every manga that has been adapted into anime. I’m planning on purchasing the whole series so I can reread it whenever I want to. For an out of 10 rating? All together it’s a 9/10 for me. It’s in my top 10 for anime/manga I’ve finished but idk where.

About the anime after reading the manga. I get why the anime started out like how it did but MAN when you read the manga the setup there is better. If my memory is correct, the manga starts with Aladdin and the anime starts with Alibaba. I’m guessing why they decided to adapt that was either because the mangaka wanted that or to make Alibaba fit as the protagonist more. It’s understandable but we’re with Aladdin more? Idk my mind was blown that they switched that much early on. That and some people will start a manga from where the anime left off, not from the beginning. And tbh? Now that I’ve rewatched Magi, anime kinda isn’t all that. The last time I watched was when I was 14-15 but it still left an impression on me. Not as good as I remember but the manga just fuckin destroyed the anime so whatever lol.

About manga past the anime. Tbh I’m still surprised at how good the manga got after where the anime left off. I still remember the shit leading up to chapter 260(I read like 130 chapters a day I was hooked). Like I finished 260 and just put my phone down and sat there until I went to sleep. I didn’t think I cared for Judal/Judar that much I was fuckin heartbroken. And Aladdin saying he didn’t have a choice and the look on his face ughhhhh shit fuckin SUCKED. Yeah I was going through it especially because before that you see Hakuryuu and Judal/Judar got along(was it that idk I was being feed a dynamic I didn’t know I needed let it be) and they’re not doing the good thing but whatever I’ve always liked Hakuryuu what do u want me to do?? The lead up was perfect and I want to reread Magi again just to get that led up to that fight again.

Now, the whole last arc? Kinda think I’m stupid lol. Sinbad just not stopping and I’m reading what he’s saying and I can’t completely disagree with what he was saying was frustrating for me. That and David being there(and finding out how he got there thx to the Sinbad spin-off) was a lot to take in which means I’m literally talking to myself abt this shit like a madman when I changed pages. I didn’t think it would go as far as it did with its subject matter so imagine my reaction when they start just fucking going at it the end between Sinbad and David. I had to put my phone down a lot during the end because I couldn’t understand what I was reading for a sec. Im not gonna reread the series for a minute because the stuff they were talking about is a bit too real for in my life and I don’t want to argue with my mom about fated paths and shit.

Overall I’m very satisfied. I got that hollow feeling in my chest after finishing both series and I’ll always be sentimental towards the series as a whole. I did some very cringe shit when I first watched Magi when I was young(listen I thought Morgiana was the coolest so let your imagination run wild) but I cherish those moments now. Not sure about recommendations but I very much enjoyed my time with this and I’ll remember it fondly years from now. But now my eyes are starting to unfocus so I have to stop typing lmao l8r.

#magi labyrinth of magic #magi the adventures of sinbad #literally just read the manga it good I like #don’t do what I did reading wise I finished it in like 4 days #then I couldn’t focus my eyes for like 2-3 days after don’t do that pls #masrur is the fuckin dude I love him my fav by far

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catcze · 3 years ago

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Me rambling abt thoma’s cons and why i won’t whale for them just yet akdas feel free to ignore this is just here so i can remind myself if i feel the urge to spend HAHAH

ok yk what im not gonna spend for Thoma’s cons lmao–– like for one none of them are significant spikes in terms of damage, as far as i can tell. They’re more useful with him as a sub-dps whose main use is his shield and pyro application (which, again, still just average all things considered) than they are for Thoma as being a main DPS / solo carry. and to be fair, he is a 4 star character at the end of the day, so it’s very much possible to just get him whenever, even when the banner ends, and he’ll likely get a rate-up again sometime in future banners. also lmao not to mention i don’t rlly want Hu Tao so––

i might go for homa idk it depends on the artifacts i get in the upcoming days and how i plan to use him going forward, but from the stuff ive been testing out so far i doubt I’m gonna straight up whale for it like i did with jade cutter lmao–– like if i get it i get it yk? because I’m using deathmatch on him rn and although the low base attack leaves much to be desired, the crit value of the polearm and its passive isn’t particularly bad. also bc i dont need or want elegy either lmao aksdaskjdsa

#Kisses from Catte 🦩#Gonna toss this out here so that I have like something to look @ if my gambling addiction rears its head HAHAH #bc christs it /really/ reared its head during childe's banner and the jade cutter / everlasting moonglow banner akjdaskj #i still dont know if i made financially sane decisions then or not #in the future i might? Like just to be able to say i have a c6 lvl 90 triple crown thoma #but that will have to be in the future akjsdas #man ive been rambling so much abt the game recently oh my god akjsad

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kjmsupremacist · 4 years ago

Note

Please recommend a pal your fave AO3 fics because you have GOOD TASte thanks

OH thanks dfndj ok um

embers series - three works: tenkun (~40k), johnyong (~40k), dojae (wip), all rated m, all angst w happy ending and lots of humor thrown in, I KNOW I TALK ABOUT THIS SERIES EVERY DAY but it’s so good it’s some of the best writing I’ve laid eyes on in my whole entire LIFE. it makes me laugh hysterically, and bawl my eyes out, and by the time you’re done u feel like you’ve gotten a warm hug. cannot recommend that, or anything that author has written ever, enough!! GO READ EMBERS

[more under the cut lol,,, the rest are nsfw!]

slide (i might, i might) - ok hear me out: johnny/shownu (12k) WAIT WAIT COME BACK it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY and so well-written, this is another fav ao3 author of mine, they’re so talented, so any of their works are good but specifically this one had me. screaming. it’s smut! age gap! boss/intern! shownu has a nice apartment! bonus human disaster johnny!

big boy boyfriends - yumark (3k), pwp, size kink, hilarity, yuta-incited chaos

yeolocity is one of my fav authors on ao3, and i’ll list my favs of theirs below:

(i can't) spell it out for you - johnjae (15k) porn with plot, frat au, johnny has a fat crush on jaehyun but woefully thinks jaehyun is straight, they’re both stupid, they finally fuck (bottom jaehyun), it’s great

looks good (must taste heavenly) - johnyong (5k) pwp, crossdressing, mirror sex, just. some nice rough johnyong what else do we need

taeyong’s hot dad summer - 4-part series of johnyong age gap! daddy kink! somno cockwarming all that good stuff! if you like gma you will love this series!

sugar pink - johnyong (7.8k) pwp, cock cages, safeword use but it’s fine theres plenty of aftercare, just..... sexy sexy times with johnyong. if you wanna see the sluttiest subbiest little bottom taeyong of your life. this is the fic

sweet creature (i always think about you) - johnyong (3k) pwp, age gap, oral fixation/kink, just... more of that sweet sweet legal, consensual age gap shit SJKFJD

rude boy (is u big enough) - johnyong (1.5k), pwp, johnny seo big dick agenda

the feel of your skin - johnyong (2.5k), pwp, mean johnny kinda but its ok cuz taeyong likes it

(if i had it my way i would) turn you out - jaeyong (4k) but with bonus johnny and yukhei; pwp, dp/spitroasting kinda ??? basically taeyong gangbang, i thought of this fic and like almost teared up bcos its so good (no angst in it, crying is just my natural emotional reaction to anything ever)

(i will say they also do write a fair amount of abo/hybrid which i don’t read, but im assuming its good bc the rest of their work is so if ur into that)

that’s enough but i’m still starving - johnyong (12k), smut, porn WITH plot, it’s an au where everyone is somewhere on the dom/sub slider-scale and it’s like a whole thing, taeyong gets stuck with johnny in an elevator and things get out of hand, rough!!! treatment so watch out

perfect frames - johnyong (17k), smut, porn with plot, mutual pining, basically johnny being a dumbass about being in love w taeyong

while the kids are away - johnjae (6.5k), smut, age gap, daddy kink, basically johnny is a dilf and his kid is on the same soccer team that jaehyun’s younger cousin is or something. jaehyun’s legal obv but much, much younger, it’s just fun

something new - tenkun (2.6k), smut, pwp, somnophilia, thigh-fucking, idk how i forgot about this one when someone was asking i think it was for kunten content? anyways it’s good

princess - taecas (6k), smut, slight feminization of taeyong um it’s just taeyong overhearing yukhei one night and then.... insanity until he finally confronts it.

that’s all i’ve got for now! im always on the lookout tho hehe

#mail #anon #the way it's almost all johnyong bc that's all i can find ever somehow #ok.#theres only like two recs here that don't either involve johnny or taeyong oopsies #i wish i could find good: tenkun johnten hyuckil yumark dotae dowoo but i can't? guess ill have to write it myself #like all the dowoo is abo or hybrid pls get me out of here kjskfjdf

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

Text

You & Me : chapter 14

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: this is only a conversation between Liv and Niall. i hope its still good and nice to read? idk, you tell me?

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i did get all your requests ppl and ill use many of them in the next chapter! the request i used in this chapter is one i got when i was writing AM Conversations but i knew id use it at some point!

Chapter 14 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

The need to kiss him was too strong, especially after what he had admitted. I knew he wanted me to some extent but even if I wanted it more than anything, I didn't really think he still loved me like that. His lips moved harshly against mine and I still felt like he was not close enough, even if he was holding my body against his.

"Real love." he repeated low, his lips brushing against mine as I kept my eyes close.

My fingers moved up to his hair and gripped it tight. When was the last time I could touch Niall this way? When was the last time I could really taste him and feel him? I thought about the day his hand moved up on my pants, the same night I kissed his lips when I thought he was asleep, and realized that every time he touched me, his fingers left a burning trace as they moved on me. It seemed to reach my skin even through my clothes and then turn me into a pile of ashes. The truth was, I felt like a fucking phoenix with him. He always burned me down and brought me back to life. How the fuck did he do that?

He bent down more at my touch, groaning low before pressing his lips against mine again, not wasting any time and deepening the kiss to let me taste him some more. I felt my whole body throb as his arms tightened around me, pressing me harder against him. I didn't want this kiss to end but after a while, a bunch of thoughts came to my mind and I pulled away. His eyes opened and they roamed on my face as my lips parted. We were both a panting mess and it was a bit pathetic to see, but I knew we both wanted more. I also knew we shouldn't do anything and I licked my lips, taking a step back but still keeping a small smile on my lips. As I moved, the grip of his arms loosened and I felt his fingertips brush on my waist, once again burning me. Fuck.

"Uhm I just, I need a drink."

Without waiting for his answer, I turned around and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking what was left of a bottle of wine I had started with Louis a few days before, bringing two glasses and going to the living room. He had walked down the hall and was now standing near my couch, his hands in his pockets. I sat on the couch and poured wine in both glasses, pushing one gently on the coffee table and looking up at him, licking my lips.

"Thirsty?" I just asked, raising my eyebrows.

He seemed to hesitate but he ended up sitting next to me and taking the glass, looking down at the pale beverage. I wanted to make a cheesy toast but instead, I took a sip and I noticed he looked up at me from the corner of my eyes, making me swallow the whole glass quickly. I put my now empty glass back on the table and he chuckled, looking at it.

"Do you think it's a good idea to get drunk two days in a row?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea, all I know is that i'm doing it."

He chuckled again and grabbed the bottle, pouring me more wine before I thanked him. I stared at him as he drank in silence and tilted my head. He was so fucking gorgeous, I just wanted to-

"I know you want to ask me something, go ahead."

I blinked a few times, focusing on his words instead of his perfect face, and cleared my throat. Oh yea, I had a million questions to ask, but where the fuck should I even start?

"Why didn't you ever call me or tried to get in contact with me? Why didn't you ever just... try to get me back?"

He sighed and nodded a few times, leaning against the couch and staring down at his glass as he made it twist gently with his fingers. I brought my legs up on the couch and turned my body to face him but remained at a fair distance. I've always loved how he'd sit on the couch with his legs spread.

"I'm not gonna try to find excuses, Olivia, but I can tell you what went on in my head." he just said with a shrug. "Maybe it won't be good enough for you, maybe it makes no sense, but it's still that."

He looked up and his eyes met mine. I just nodded slowly and pressed my lips together. It was okay if it didn't make sense. It was okay with me, even if his reasons wouldn't make me feel better. I wanted to know if only to stop questioning it.

"At first I just wanted to have fun. I missed you, but you were right, I wanted my freedom more than anything else. It's all I cared about. But it passed quickly and I started asking about you. Everyone told me to fuck off. Everyone wanted me to leave you alone and deep down, I felt like they were right to ask me that. I had to do some introspection, I couldn't just go back to you and do the same fucking mistakes again. So I wrote, instead. I wrote songs. So many of them."

I licked my lips and took a sip of my wine, frowning slightly.

"Are you ever going to sing them to me?"

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"I'd just.. i'd love to hear them."

He stared at me for a few more seconds still frowning before his face changed and his lips parted. He put his glass away and moved closer, his eyes roaming on my face again. I thought he was going to kiss me but instead, he shook his head slightly.

"You can hear some of them whenever you want." he pointed out low. "On my album, you know? You listened to it, didn't you?"

"You..." I frowned too, feeling my heartbeats accelerate quickly. "Which songs are about me?"

Once again, he seemed in shock and frowned, shaking his head a bit harder.

"Almost all of them! Olivia who the fuck did you think my album was about?"

I could read panic in his eyes and I swallowed hard. I had wished at least one of his songs was about me but the way he pretended it was obvious made no sense to me.

"Heidi?"

The grimace his face twisted into surprised me and he shook his head again, moving slightly away from me. He rubbed his eyes before placing his hand on his mouth. I kept staring at him as a flood of feelings appeared on his face.

"You two dated and broke up like 3 times in the past year, didn't you?" I tried to explain, moving a bit closer to him. "I mean you always got back with her, clearly you love her, and you... I mean, it says you don't want the other person to leave but... you're the one who left me. You talk about brown eyes! Niall, how the hell did you expect me to think these songs were about me?"

This time, he bent his upper body down on his thighs, pressing his palms on his face and somehow, I wished I could read his thoughts.

"This is just a freaking color, Liv!" he pointed out. "As for the leaving part... I felt you leave, even when we were still together. I felt like you wanted out of this relationship, like you were unhappy with me. You were always so stressed that I was thinking about an other girl and, I know I made things worse and clearly didn't help. I was not patient or understanding with you and I fucked things up. But this album? It's about you. It's yours."

I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted him to climb on top of me and kiss me until I couldn't breathe. I wanted to feel the weight of his body over mine, trapping me to keep me with him forever but instead, I felt myself tear up and remained motionless.

"You honestly think I could write about anyone else than you?" he added in a softer tone. "That song you caught me singing the other night? It's about you. When I saw you for the first time in over a year at the bakery, I came home and wrote an other song. About you. It's always about you."

He sighed as he looked away from me, grabbing his glass and emptying it.

"We need more alcohol."

He got up and came back with an other bottle as we started drinking fast. It was even more obvious to me at that moment that I needed to be very very drunk. I had so many things to tell him, so many things to hear from him, and I had no idea how I'd manage all of this if I was sober.

"Even 'On My Own'" I finally asked as I took an other sip of my drink.

"What?"

"You said all your songs were about me."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Not all of them, some are concept songs, but On My Own is sort of about you, yea."

I raised my eyebrows at him and he laughed, his eyes sparkling probably because of how intoxicated he was becoming.

"Really!" he insisted. "Everyone around me was dating and shit, but I didn't want to date anyone unless it was you. I do prefer to be alone but you and me, we complete each other, don't we?"

I blinked a few times and my fond smile turned into an amused one.

"You're so full of shit!"

We both started laughing and I threw a cushion at him. He grabbed it and put it behind his back as I tilted my head on the side.

"I went to therapy." I admitted, making his smile disappear. "No, not because of you. Mostly because of me. Because I couldn't accept to be without you, and because it was time I stopped hating myself for things out of my control. My insecurities were ruining my life. They had ruined our relationship, I didn’t want to see that happen again."

He frowned a bit and looked down before looking up in my eyes. He suddenly seemed sad and I wondered if maybe I should have kept this for myself. I used to tell Niall everything but it was a long time ago, maybe it wouldn't work like that between us anymore.

"You didn't ruin anything. Your insecurities didn't ruin what we had. I did. I ruined that relationship. I should have been patient with you, I should have stopped flirting, I should have been clear with girls around that I was taken. I did a bunch of stupid stuff and i'm so sorry I made you feel like shit."

I nodded slowly, blinking a few times and realizing I was getting past the tipsy stage. The more I was drinking, the more I wanted him to make love to me, and something stirred in my stomach, bringing me near tears.

"I thought you replaced me." I whispered, frowning and looking down. "I thought Heidi took a place I felt was mine. Your best friend, your girlfriend, your... i don't know, your soulmate, maybe."

"When you left on that night, Liv... I said you would always be the love of my life. This is still the truth. I haven't changed my mind."

I sniffed and licked my lips, putting a small smile back on my lips. I wanted this to be fun. I didn't want to end up in tears again.

"Okay, let's just, throw truths at each other." I proposed making him roll his eyes. "Should be easy, we're both quite drunk. I can start if you want."

He squirmed on the couch to face me, a big smile gracing his lips.

"No it's my turn, uhm." he looked up as if he was searching for something good and his eyes finally met mine again. "I followed your tv show. Checked the blog every single day to see if there was something new. I love watching you act. I love watching your face."

"I google you every night. For over a year. Louis hated it but he allowed me about ten minutes every night. I didn't tell him but sometimes I just went to bed and googled you again on my phone. I kept googling you when I started dating Dylan, too. I even googled you last night. I guess It's an habit now."

His lips curled in some sort of victory smile and I rolled my eyes. I knew he liked it and I couldn't blame him. I liked that he cared about me enough to watch my show even if it was really amateur and even if we didn't talk to each other anymore.

"I dreamed of you a lot. In fact, I dreamed of you the night before we saw each other at the bakery." he admitted with a nervous chuckle. "I'd say it was fate if I didn't actually dream about you at least once a week."

"And what do we do in those dreams?" I asked with a smirk.

"Sometimes we just talk, sometimes we fight. Other times... you don't want to know!" he let out with a laugh.

I smiled more, not telling him that I really wanted to know, and finally breathed in. It felt so good to be with him alone, I couldn't explain how happy it made me.

"I found the card in your wallet."

I thought he would frown or at least take a few seconds to understand what I was saying but his face immediately changed and he sighed, closing his eyes.

"Fuck, I thought I lost it." his face changed into a suspicious expression. "Wait, why were you checking my wallet and why did you keep it?"

I laughed a bit. "It was that time you told me to get money in your wallet to pay for the pizza." I explained, making him nod as he remembered. "I saw that and, I don't know. To be honest, I didn't think you'd notice. I thought you had probably put that in your wallet a long time ago and just forgot to take it out."

He shook his head and the left corner of his lips raised sadly. "I kept that picture of us with the card in the frame... kept it on my night stand for months."

"Must have been awkward when you brought girls back home!" I joked with a laugh.

But he didn't laugh. He just looked up at me and my smile fell.

"I didn't bring girls home." he explained. "Hotels, okay. Sometimes their place. But in my house? No."

I didn't know why but it reassured me, somehow, and made me feel better to know he didn't bring random girls to fuck in the bed where we made love. It was not much when you really thought about it, but to me, it felt important.

"I put that picture away when Heidi told me to. I felt like it was a bit unfair for her to see that, I had to admit. I still have it in my stuff, and I couldn't throw the card away so i put it in my wallet."

I sighed and sent him a small smile before letting myself slide down the couch only to lay down on the carpet. I was drunk and a bit dizzy but I knew that all the feelings inside of me were real. There was no doubt for me. Absolutely none.

It took him a few seconds but he ended up laying down next to me, his head next to mine but his feet and body in the opposite direction. I turned my head to look at him and he did the same, a big smirk on his lips. It made me laugh and I pressed my lips together.

"I was sad when I realized I didn't bring that frame." I confessed very low, knowing he could hear me anyway. Our lips were so close I felt like we could kiss again. I felt like we should kiss again.

"I was glad you forgot it. Because I knew it wasn't on purpose. But selfishly, I wanted to keep it, even if it was a gift for you."

I didn't want to mention it, but I was glad he kept it if only to know that he kept it for months and then put the card in his wallet. That was worth not being able to keep it when I left. I brought my hand and with difficulty, I reached for his cheek, making him chuckle. I brushed my fingers on his cheek and sent him a fond smile.

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" I murmured again.

"A few times." he smiled more. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

This time, I laughed and nodded. "A few times."

We remained silent for a few minutes, just staring at each other, as my heart thumped in my chest. Why was it always so easy with him? Why did I always want to spend all my time with him alone?

"Liv, if there is anything you want to ask me, or tell me... I promise I'll be honest with you." he proposed after a while. "I want to be transparent with you. Always."

My eyes fell on his lips as he talked and all I could think about was that I was so close to kiss him again that I really needed to do something to stop me from going further.

"Did you have sex with that radio girl?" I asked, licking my lips and holding my breath. "And what about that girl who sent you a nude while we were camping?"

His face changed but he didn't look away. He was evaluating how much damage his answer could make and I felt myself tear up. I could read him so easily, even after all this time, and I didn't know how it made me feel.

"Is it really important?" he asked in a soft voice, making me raise my eyebrows. He sighed and closed his eyes. "The radio girl, no I didn't. I did sleep with Gia though."

I was waiting for him to explain himself, or say it meant nothing, but he didn't and I swallowed hard. He had the right to have sex with anyone he wanted. After all, I had sex a few times with one of his best friends, so I couldn't really say anything about it. Did it hurt me? Yes, it did. Because I remembered exactly what that girl's body was like, and thinking about his naked form over hers made me a bit nauseous, but at the same time, it was in the past and it had nothing to do with me.

"Why are you dating her?"

He raised his eyebrows, a bit surprised by my question. "Heidi?"

I nodded. "I know you think she's hot but it's not a reason to date someone." I pointed out with a grimace. "To fuck someone, yea, but not to date them."

"I don't know." he shrugged, a bit taken aback. "She's fun. We had fun."

"You have fun with everyone, Niall." I explained, rolling my eyes.

"What do you mean?"

The way he was frowning was adorable and my lips curled again. "You talk about everyone and call them your best friend, you say that everyone is super funny." I paused and raised my eyebrows again. "Have you ever thought that maybe you're the 'fun' one? Maybe you're the fun person and that's why you have fun with everyone."

It took a few seconds but his lips curled into an amused smile and he laughed, shaking his head.

"You're really something else."

"I just don't get why her. Maya, I get it, but Heidi? Really?"

"You liked Maya, uh?"

I didn't know if I really liked Maya but one thing I knew was that she didn't give me a bad vibe the way Heidi did and that she was gorgeous. No, I wouldn't say I liked Maya, but I understood why someone would want to date her.

"She hated you." he professed with an other chuckle. "She was so jealous of you, she wouldn't shut up about it!"

I felt my heart jump in my chest, a bit shocked that someone, especially someone like Maya, could be jealous of someone like she. She had everything and yet, she felt threatened by an average girl like me? Laughable. It reminded me that during the game, the night before, he had admitted to dialing one of his ex while being drunk and suddenly, I was sure he was talking about Maya and I swallowed.

"Which ex did you drunk dialed?" I asked as he frowned. "Yesterday, at the bar, during the game... you said a lot of things that I wanted to ask about."

"It was you." he laughed, closing his eyes in an embarrassed way and rubbing them. "But when I called it said you changed your number or something. One time I think I left a long drunk voice message to someone that was not you, too."

I chuckled and started nibbling on my bottom lip. This was not the answer I expected but fuck, I loved it.

"I wish I had heard it." I admitted, not knowing how I actually would have reacted.

"I can't believe you sent nudes to Harry but you never sent me any. Why?" he asked, amused.

"Because you never asked, and also, you never sent me any either."

"I don't send nudes." he just replied quickly.

"You should. To me."

His eyes dropped to my lips again and I smiled. I turned my whole body on the side and he did the same. Our faces were now so close I could feel his breath hit gently my forehead.

"Maybe I will."

I chuckled and licked my lips but as we kept staring at each other, I realized how deep the connection we had actually was. I realized how tough it was to stay away from each other and how crazy it seemed to even try.

"What we feel for each other." I started low. "It's visceral."

He nodded slowly. "You and me... we make so much sense, don't you think?"

I lost my smile and nodded slowly. It did. Nothing made more sense than that. I squirmed a bit on the carpet to get closer and brushed my lips against his. The fact that our faces were upside down made it slightly more exciting and when he slipped his tongue in my mouth, I felt my inner thighs start throbbing so hard that I knew I could cum in less than five seconds.

The kiss was slow and sloppy but it was so good I shut my eyes tight, making sure no other part of my body actually moved. I ended up squeezing his tongue with my lips and sucking gently on it, if only to taste him longer. It made him groan and I stopped, freeing his tongue as my lips curled. I was delighted to know I still had some sort of effect on him.

"Pet, don't do that, you're making yourself impossible to resist."

I knew we couldn't do anything and I didn't intend to. I wanted it, I couldn't pretend otherwise, but It was wrong and we both knew it.

"Do you want to sleep here?" I asked as he nodded. "In my bed?" He nodded again. "Are you gonna spoon me?"

"You know I will."

We both got up, almost tripping because of all the alcohol in our bodies, and we started laughing before walking (or more zigzagging) in the hall, dropping random pieces of clothing on our way. We ended up in my bed, under the covers with the lights off, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed on mine. I was wearing his shirt again and had kept my panties while he was just wearing boxers. I loved the feeling of his thighs pressed on mine more than I could explain. It burned and at the same time, it made my whole body vibrate. I was close to fall asleep when I heard his voice, making my eyes flutter open again.

"You didn't tell me."

I frowned and reached for his arm that was around my waist, running my fingertips on it gently.

"Tell you what?"

"I told you how much I loved you, but you didn't tell me how you feel."

My heart jumped in my chest and I remained quiet for a few seconds before squirming as I tried to turn my body around. I had to sit up for a few seconds to untwist my shirt and finally lied back down, facing him. His hair was a mess and I was desperate to slip my fingers in it again.

"I'm in love with you, Niall." I let out, staring in his eyes. "I've always been. You're my soulmate. I love you."

"Real love?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, a small smile playing on his lips as one also appeared on mine.

"Real love."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam #im super nervous about this

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dvp95 · 5 years ago

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quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak

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rowbeana · 4 years ago

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sometimes i have dreams and then remember them post #23

IT’S BEEN A YEAR??? lmao well that’s fair and this dream is wild enough to be worth the wait

so it started off stressful with my friend (and i?? idr) moving. now that i’m thinking about it, the friend was claire or maybe it was simply maya hawke but anyways. our other friend...lauren lapkus...akljskd was helping us move by driving the uhaul. SO, FOR SOME REASON, MY FRIEND WAS SITTING IN THE BACK OF THE UHAUL WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY NOT SAFE AND IDER HOW THIS WORKED BUT I WAS LIKE HOLDING ONTO SOMEONE TIED TO THE BACK FOR DEAR LIFE AND HOPING NOT TO DIE

sadly. when my friend got in, she fucked up so the uhaul was slightly open and lich rally her head was sticking out a little and she was stuck and lauren started driving and i was like??? THIS IS. SO DANGEROUS and my friend was like. mad but she said it was fine and i was like...IT’S NOT BUT OKAY.

eventually, we’re on the freeway and the uhaul like opens completely (and now i’m remembering lauren had stuff in it too, idk what was going on) and stuff falls on us so we both tumble off/out of the vehicle and lauren doesn’t notice and keeps driving.

i guess...i thought she would realize soon enough so i’m not THAT panicked?? i said something about feeling bad about all our stuff falling out skhdf. but i’m on my phone trying to figure something out and i think my friend wanders away? idr how we meet this priest guy and he offers to? help us? he ends up taking us to what looks like a hotel but his house is in the back idk lmao and he puts us in this underground cell things with his daughters and i don’t know! what he said we were supposed to do there, work? but i was like...um no LMAO?

so i’m like what the FUCK and i leave but my friend is like what’s the point and accepts her new life and i’m like. BITCH IT’S BEEN TWO SECONDS, YOU ALREADY QUIT? BYE IG. i sort of remember the priest guy chasing after me yelling but i was like fuck off!! god!!!

i end up back on the same stretch of highway bc this is a tiny town, fsr a mom and her daughter are there. i think this is where i learn about how the priest guy injects people with something that kills them unless they use an inhaler and no that doesn’t make sense. but basically his “church” is clearly a cult and i’m like...now why did we have to fall off the uhaul in this weird ass town!

i’m desperately trying to contact lauren but i message her through an app like wire but not bc wire does let you make phone calls and i couldn’t figure out how to call her and i did get in contact with her but she gave me a really confusing way to get her number and i was like!! my dumb friend is probs gonna die soon so why all this!! i tried but i kind of gave up bc fsr i went back to get my friend

somehow days had passed? maybe. don’t ask! she’s not looking great and she’s been working and she’s like part of their creepy family now and i’m like well stop i’m gonna save you! but again she is useless. some stuff happens -- there’s like? a college on their compound/in their giant hotel building ashkdjf? and i...end up being a professor, sure why not...omg this reminds me i had a pet dog and he could talk ASLJKDH YEAH SOMEHOW I FORGOT THAT BECAME A PART OF THE DREAM AT THIS POINT

i try setting up my classroom and another class is in session across the way and whatever why am i doing this lmao. then some time later idk me and my friend get injected by the priest bc it’s “time” to die (just cult tings) and he also injected himself and his whole fam but he injected them a bit before us so when they start dying we’re like...sHIT WHERE’S AN INHALER. BUT FSR MY FRIEND IS STILL DEFEATED AND NOT EVEN TRYING AND IM LIKE OKAY WELL I WANT TO LIVE SO CAN YOU HELP. and she does bc she finds an inhaler and i use it and i’m like hope that helped! and i make her use it and we’re vibing bc the priest is dead now so! swag!

i’m in my classroom, to get my dog bc fsr i guess he lives there, and there’s a college party and these cool girls come over and i’m like oh i’m actually a professor here and one of them kind of starts to be like that’s cool-- but i say and i’m quitting because get me the fuck out of this town and she’s like of course bc ig they have a high turnover rate at the school akhsd and they seem Liberal and Normal so i’m like. yeah i was almost killed by that cult leader so! and they’re like...blink...yes that sounds bad!

there’s literally a time jump and suddenly we’re playing a game at this party and my friend is my partner for the game and (she might be kali at this point lmao) suddenly everyone leaves but i was facing away from everyone and i gather that there’s a new cult guy and he’s there and as my friend is like “oh no...rowan you’ll never guess who it is” my eyes land on some writing on a wall or something about who it is and i’m like...unfortunately i know!

so i turn around and soren JKSHD IS WEARING THESE WHITE ROBES IDK AND HE LOOKS bad....and i’m like...now what the fuck....and i’m not scared he’s gonna hecking inject me so i like hit him and i said ARE YOU A MURDERER NOW? AND HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE...WHO CARES THESE PEOPLE ARE UNCLEAN OR WHATEVER AND I WAS LIKE. SIGH

then i woke up <3

#row row dreams.

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rattusrattus3 · 5 years ago

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i know this might be a tad bit personal but what do you do as a job to make money? im young & dumb and i just want to make enough money so i can pursue my passions, and you seem to be doing that.

oh hi! not too personal; i relate to feeling young and dumb,

im assuming ur passions are creative stuff? i hope so cause i answer with this asumption

tbh i’ve worked at cafes since ive been 14, right now i work at a cat cafe which is the BOMB, but probably not permanent. I also sell my wares at markets; like farmers market type thing, renaissance fairs,

the struggle with markets is often that the price for a table can be high, so looking into really local community based ones (google ur town + farmers market or something and it wont be like $300 for a table) Christmas markets are huge also and can be really good for selling stuff, and getting a table can be worth it

Idk that i’m actively “pursuing my passions”, but they have always just been about making stuff, and the struggle around money for materials is tricky but can be overcome by frequenting thrift stores often, searching the streets for treasures, dumpster diving (use gloves babe and make sure nosies aren;t around, v judgmental), using lots of free resources on the internet to find out how to make costumes or clay or what you want to make;

I started an etsy account this summer and was SO NERVOUS to put myself out there; but i sold one thing and it was worth it and i’m going to keep going? I think i want to be a costume maker in the future (want to go to school for it maybe after my university?) so in my spare time i just try to come up with fun things to sew and make them for myself (but rarely get the chance to wear them so it’s weird); but like, the internet can be a cool place to share your stuff; share it even if you think its “bad” or don’t like it, cause all artists feel like that i think and we’re really not objective when it comes to our own work and we just gotta try and make stuff and see if you like it and see what sticks; you can only get better so just keep practicing what youre making and take lots of pictures because when you stick with it the improvement over time is wild

I think at the end of the day it’s just like, find cool art that inspires u, make ur cool art, try to be brave and show people and show up at markets or post it online (etsy is cool, costs 20 cents to post something and the listing stays up for 4 months; if u post 50 things and get like 1 sale it’ll pay it back, depop is cool (and free to post), tumblr and instagram and twitter are all spots to post stuff, use hashtags on social media i guess is a practical tip, canva is a great free resource for making lovely posters and profesional cards to advertise yourself (if you sell stuff online FIGURE OUT POSTAGE RATES before posting and factor them into your item price? ppl like free shipping

I guess just don’t give up! Try to find a job you are somewhat interested in (like is there a cool plant store in ur town? a fun cafe? maybe a record store or a cute restaurant or a movie theatre or a bakery or something u kinda like and try to get a job there!) make stuff when u have free time, write down your ideas/draw them (keep a journal on u at all times if possible!) be kind to yourself (and others), give yourself breaks and patience and drink lots of water

- from one young and dumb person to another :)

#asks #jambizzi

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mysmesomefluff · 7 years ago

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What do you think of the route overall?

I’ll put my thoughts under the “Keep Reading” section for people who don’t want to receive spoilers. Will be tagging this post too ^^

I will just state this upfront first: I hate Rika, I dislike V, but this doesn’t mean I express any ill will towards Rika or V fans. Just to put it out there yeah. :) You guys just do your thing! And the opinions in this post are purely my own. I’m interested to know what you guys think about this route too :D

Soooo… where do I begin?

My rating: 6/10 (wow i feel like a real badass critic now except im not LOL)

I do appreciate the effort that Cheritz spent making this route just for us Saeran fans though. Few game developers actually do stuff like that for their fans and we’re super lucky to have Cheritz. So kudos to the team and everyone who spent months and hours working on this route.

But admittedly, there were things I didn’t like about this route. :\ Still WAY better than V route though. Sigh. (I will talk about V later.)

FYI, I played the Normal and Good Ends for this route.

Okay first off, I’ve always been writing for Saeran as I think he would be after the secret ends take place. And I still think that Saeyoung’s route together with the secret ends is the true ending of the Mystic Messenger game.

As for Ray route… I don’t think Ray is canon. I may be in denial, and it’s probably a personal preference/opinion, but I feel that the whole concept of “Ray” as a separate persona is really bizarre and I think “Ray” was only created so that there could be some way for MCs to romance him in the first place in his own route. So yeah. Not canon imo. Besides, I think there are quite a lot of issues with the way Saeran’s character developed in this route:

1. Ray?? Saeran?? Who?????

It bothered me that MC kept looking for “Ray” in Saeran (I’m still not sure if those choices yield a bad relationship end like they rightly should) because really. They are the same person. Get a grip, MC. I’m kind of annoyed that they even named it “Ray route” because.

HIS NAME. IS. SAERAN CHOI.

I shall not go into a pointless rant into how Saeran seemed to “recover” miraculously as if amalgamation treatment came in the form of a “one true love” aka MC. To be fair, Cheritz only had 11 days for this route and they executed a lot in 11 days already, and I respect them for that.

2. Love: The All-Powerful Cure To Your Life’s Problems

No. Just no.

What Saeran needs isn’t a romantic relationship to base his newfound identity on after moving on from Rika. What he needs, is to reconcile with his brother and to heal together with Saeyoung.

There were multiple issues with this one though: a) Saeyoung Choi was kidnapped (screw you Saejoong scum), b) In this route, Saeran didn’t seem very bothered at all by the possibility of his brother already being dead, da heck????

That was super problematic for me because BRUH. First 4 days of the common route Saeran was all “Don’t trust that redhead” bla bla bla. And now he’s like “Oh my brother? Nah he’ll be fine. Hey MC let’s go on a HOLIDAY!” NO. GO.

I don’t really understand why with the characters in Another Story, it seems like love becomes the cure for everything (still didn’t cure V of his annoying personality though yikes) but that really shouldn’t be the case. At least for Saeran I expected much more to come from a Choi twin reunion but we got none of that. And the After Endings probably won’t cover much either so. Idk. Ugh.

Now plot-wise, I think it was kind of interesting? What with the prime minister and all, since we never got to find out more about him in the secret ends. At the same time, there were some plot holes here and there. Like how V mentioned that Saeran was the one who ran away from him back then, and never elaborated further on that??? When and how the heck did Rika even take Saeran to Mint Eye without V knowing? Why didn’t Rika get the prosecution she so deserved?

WHY DID V BACKSPACE ON ALL THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HE GOT IN THE ROUTE ONLY TO GO BACK TO RIKA AND GO BLIND. WHAT THE FUCK.

I have officially given up on this man. I don’t even want to bother anymore. Here I was, thinking that he was less dislike-able in this route, and then he goes and just- sends himself off to die and suffer because apparently that’s the right thing to do instead of setting the other believers in Mint Eye free from Rika’s bullshit tyranny and having her crimes exposed so that she can be prosecuted, convicted and eventually sent to a mental institution for rehabilitation.

That’s the end of my verbal diarrhoea. I think. Sorry for the long-ass rant. I had too many thoughts and being able to write it all down feels liberating. Gosh.

I’m still looking forward to the after ending (where I’ll probably be disappointed ugh). In any case, the good points of this route were CGs (I LOVED THEM SO MUCH KLDIEJF) and the calls. Buying Saeran’s calling card was soooo worth. I still can’t take him seriously when he’s on his period angst. It’s hilarious and it never gets old.

THOUGHTS? ANYONE? I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT THIS ROUTE TOO :) Disagree, agree, it’s cool. ^^

#ray route #ray route spoilers #mystic messenger spoilers #mm spoilers #long ass rant guys

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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hello darling i finally listened to the playlist you made me and it sure was a lot of country 🙈

follow your arrow - very, very nice lyrics and also sounds niice i mean very country-ish but niice

in a state - again lyrically really nice, kinda story song vibes i think and well the state thingy is great. oh and i like her voice a lot but sth about how fast it gets sometimes is not really for me

all american middle class white boy - all i could think was well at least he's self-aware. to be fair the song did make me laugh but the vibes are a little weird for me idk

no such thing - "i want to scream at the top of my lungs" big mood. john mayer does have amazing vibes always he just doesn't disappoint

conversations with my wife - this is very cute but musically not entirely my cup of tea

every little thing - why is this all so american. i mean i know why but. why. and why do they all sound so happy. not gonna lie though this kinda slaps 😅

ease my mind - firstly i want to be in love. so calming. is this on deep breath? it gives me deep breath vibes

also love how in the answer to my last ask you said you forgot the songs you gave me except for probably one song and that one you didn't even give me 😅 i listened to it anyway at least i'm assuming you meant five colours in her hair by mcfly? again it sounds so happy which is just not for me rn but i like it generally and the lyrics are great

YOU HAD NO TEA? oh god you poor thing. i hope you have tea by now and i think you're out of quarantine by now i hope you can enjoy a little freedom again. and i have not heard of fan girl but what i've put together by now from what you posted is that it has a lot to do with atl? do educate me about it if you wanna

and i genuinely have no fucking clue how i'm doing. over the last two weeks i've been pretty bad but i'm feeling okayish today so far so yeah. idk. -fiancee

hello fiancee i am SO SO sorry that i just neglected to answer this i read it when you sent it and then i went and did something else and then i just did not return to it. for eight entire days yes i am a professional blog runner

i am Sorry about all the country dflhkgmfnjlfmgj i got excited also it seems that possibly most of these songs were not really for you so i am Taking Notes i will refine my fiancee music meter. probably should have known better about jon bellion since you didnt love ajr (? right?) but at any rate i will know for NEXT time. im actually not sure about ease my mind let me go check! omfg it’s NOT who AM i. you’re so right i’m gonna go add it

i hope that now (over a week later) you are feelin a little happier sorry that you listened to such happy songs while you were Not but hopefully you’re feeling better!! sending lots of love. i really do love five colours mmm

i KNOW absolutely appalling but fortunately i have managed to make up for the loss. i drank 73 cups of tea in january in case you were wondering which is not too bad

oh..............my goodness. i really don’t think i’m the best person to educate you on this but! fan girl is a movie that was made in 2015 about a teenage girl whose primary passions in life are film and all time low. it is, and i cannot stress this enough, a terrible movie. i watched it recently and i enjoyed it for the irony but man. it was so stupid. anyway so they got all time low actually involved with it and the movie basically ends with an atl concert and alex even has a scene before that where he has two lines look it’s a whole thing anyway. i’m not going to say i Recommend it because i cannot in good faith do that but if you really wanna watch it it’s like. two dollars or something on amazon prime dfgjklmgdgsgfj

anyway i am sending love hoping you’re doing alright now good vibes ONLY your way <3 love you

#fiancee anon #truly. i TRULY have no excuse #but thank you for your patience dhlfkmgdnvbj #and for reminding me to answer this lmaoooo #anonymous #ask #answered

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princess-of-embarrassment · 5 years ago

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Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!).

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it??? so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet.

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other.

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

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wolfwhiteflowers · 7 years ago

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how to block a fandom.. ugh sigh vvv

trying to not be so involved in the fandom or so. idk how. (winter hiatus is gonna be hell)

everyone’s keep bashing on the show and saying mean stuff. be careful what u wish for.

it’s gonna be fine. it’s just a show, u can do whatever with it, quit it, not take it seriously, or just #anti-

~~~~~~

i guess when a show is old and changing..or there’s a big fandom on online, there’s more fandom wank than I’m used to think there was before(the 1% theory). I’m more on the unpopular opinion-side (I always do). More bitter people and I feel like they’re missing out on some cool stuff that is still there, but they’re too bitter and impatient to see it. Fandom...internet places...people are generally negative? (people don’t like grey angsty arcs) Anyways, i just wanna focus on the positive stuff when i go online or to think. I understand some just wanna chat and rant, and some have other different reasons why they go online etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i think u just limit to a lot of fandom things. some rules..? this is hard to do. just don’t go on it so much.

-***most of the time, people/fan don’t need the fandom. Fandom is just on the side. I feel like being part of the fandom is like being part of a group or family and just helping people out. It’s like you’re just making up extra time to help/squee/argue people. Idk ..I can not be part of the fandom. //Fandom seems to care about being right, shipping, fave’s attention. Not much on analyzing on story. People suck. -Give a F*ck budget, money, time, energy.

-****try to avoid places where u see people’s opinions(comments/posts) all the time or just view it in short time. (also avoid negative rude people ect. -only read on positive people’s) It’s hard because fan forum sites, there’s great convo/analyzing/meta discussion in there that u sometimes don’t see in it like tumblr. But, lately i see people hate-watching commenting. (like “ofc, showrunner does this.” “i hope rating goes down so my fave actor can have a better job opportunity, or show it in showrunner’s face my ship is better than the notp and the spotlight.” ..really a lot of fans say the same things in any fandom. is it even true? )

-kinda..avoid stans...shipper stans. they only care about a ship. ok that’s kinda harsh..but yeah they’re most likely to be bitter because the show focus on other characters/ships too. Also, skim past the dramatic/jealous-like posts.

-..idk why, but people like to compare all the time. criticize and judge quickly. like ok....why not both (fave ships)? Why compare faves? Good thing the show is just focusing on everyone..ok. Oh, and the whole this character is “weak” ok ..so say it to a disabled veteran or an abused wife. sigh. I don’t want to see a show with perfect strong superheroes. BORING! This show is not a boring video game. idk..some people don’t think ...critically or long-term.. like come on..this show, most shows are about characters and them being strong emotionally and physically in their challenges. Also, another thing, idk why fans focus on what the writers are saying but not thinking on the other characters too. Like if the show focus on a character apologizing to another character. That character who apologized= fandom hates him/her. But this other character who is a dick but the show doesn’t address it and doesn’t redeem him/her = fandom doesn’t care or notice it. Another is that fandom don’t like complex character...female characters blah blah. Idk what’s my point here. fandom popularity? so just know that sometimes fandom is just so immature, annoying and rude. So, try to avoid it.

-not a lot of people are overall-fans, so...there’s more wank for me to see it. same with being a multi-shipper, i see more wank too. Like me shipping c@ryl and r!chonne. boy, i see hate on all of them on per character. (because people who don’t like c@ryl are not r!chonners...but they may also ship r!chonne. idk why it’s c ship vs. r ship. it’s just ABD/C shippers.)

-oh, thing about generalizing. People love to generalize. sigh. I should try not to be so sensitive in the fandom or I’m so caught up in fandom wank. i should not take it seriously when people generalize...anyways people generalize things and that always create drama/fandom wank. omg. ugh. Sometimes, these people are ones that just plain assholes. So, block them. Sometimes, it’s just they said it wrong and/or thought it wrong. So, idk. Try to say “IMO,...” “Some shippers...”

-idk if it’s accurate...but my theory or what i heard..is that the show is the showrunner’s/writer’s show. It’s not mine and it’s not the fans’ show. Everyone’s have different likes and wants. Writers can’t please everyone. I heard that it’s good that the showrunner’s stick to what s/he wants because it’s their story and it’s not giving fanservice to please different types of people all the time.If they keep pleasing other people, it makes the show inconsistent and frustrating. Criticisms is ok but I think showrunners know and see it and they decide what to do with it.

- ratings. ok so that’s hard to handle. it’s just part of being a tv fan. it’s all show business kind of thing. just be realistic. show’s gonna end someday. hopefully there will be a good conclusion and how the writers want it to go for the show. nothing’s goes fair and perfect on shows. (like there’s actors leaving or canceling) I don’t believe in those theories on changing writer’s minds on character/ships and stuff.

-putting words into actor’s/writer’s mouth. i hate that. These fans are obviously biased and ..like entitled-fans. (kinda like bad irl shippers too) This annoys so much. No one knows what the actors/writers are really thinking. That’s their personal life and they have their own personal opinions. so, saying this actor wants to leave because the show sucks, character is not focused as much, or they hate their co-stars. It’s soooo dumb and so rude. u don’t know them. what if the actor wants to leave because of sick family or just want to change careers or whatever. I just would rather have the facts and actor’s statement to say what really is going on. I don’t wanna theorize on biased-rumors. I also..just not into actor’s life. Like I’m not into idolizing actors/other performers etc., because I just don’t know them fully and ..it always end up disappointing..(like omg she smokes? omg she’s a drunk driver? omg she got married to that guy eew why?). So, idolize ..a little. My point is..idk just skim past the entitled fans...

-i like this advice from someone, ... go to #showedits Maybe even go to #showspoilers.( Well to look at overall of the show and gifsets. but there’s still wank, so idk.)

-i feel like idk what to think about the show because i feel like I’m worried about the fans’s feelings/thoughts and wonder what’s their reactions will be this time after an ep aired. I’m so caught up on fandom that idk what i myself like on the show or think what’s right. ....So I take a moment to myself and think on what I like and don’t like in an episode. Write out your feels! ...don’t need to have the fandom anyway.

-always ask, do i still trust the writers? Does my fave characters still in-character and I understand where the story or season’s story is going? Do I still like it?// Just know what kind of show it is. it’s just a show on that day to watch. maybe not get so invested next time. Or, to quit the show, find a spot in the show and say that’s my finale ep of the show for me. ..and there’s fanfictions. just make one up in ur head, an ending, and then move on. These are all fictional stories, you can do whatever with it.

-if ya wanna rant negative. imo, i like to just write it out and tag it #anti- and put it under ‘keep reading’. idk, deal with it, on what the show is, realistically. grieve it. it’s ok to quit a show. /////sometimes, when im confused of the plot and get mad at the writers, sometimes it’s best to wait it out...sometimes the writers already know about the “problem/drama of the plot” and they make sense later on.

-focus on what u like about the show. Do fan art! look at fan art, read fanfiction, and fan videos! Write it out on what u like and speculate. get it out of ur chest.

-during hiatus, there’s more fandom wank. sometimes, just wait a day, the wank is not there anymore. so, do fan art, or just go look into another show and stuff. take a break.

-having unpopular opinions. oh well. what the majority say isn’t always right. idk just shrug and be proud of ur thoughts or crack ship. if it’s like unpopular opinion on the show’s writing, then keep in mind, and maybe the show isn’t for you and that’s ok. *it’s all what the writers want to do. The majority doesn’t know and change the story atm. This part seems to be the hardest..cos u can see majority’s opinions all the time and everywhere. Usually negative sigh. So my tumblr dashboard ..is all mostly one fandom-fans. eh. so i see a lot. Just keep scrolling and know ..that person from that fandom, probably complain about something.

-most importantly, I tell myself, “do i still like the show? Do I still wanna watch and see how it goes?” Then if yes, then so it is. It’s all about me..if I still like the show. My time, money, care.

-tired of negative talk of anything. sigh. idk. (why do they repeat the same thing and say it 25,375 times? nothing’s changed. it doesnt help me or u. just deal w/ur crap feels now and get it over with.) (some say it’s bad writing when it’s just something they don’t like. something minor. complain easily. basically..it’s just that it’s the writers’s show or they forget it’s a season-long arc.) i guess go elsewhere . fanart.

#wolfwhiteflowers #*fandom #all about trusting the writers #*fandom wank

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