#like again i picked up it was a little gay on the skim bc its by a gay poet abt a gay poet. and bro is described using words like beautiful

[broke-on-books]

Holy topic change batman

How did we even get here

[laurent-ofvere]

what are your favourite m/m books?

im just gonna list a bunch that ive read this past year ish, you’ve likely heard of most but anyways 

edit; will just keep coming back to this list and adding as i read one that i find worth recing

the foxhole court by nora sakavic - the slowest of burns, i adored all of these assholes, wold take a bullet for andrew minyard, him and neil deserve the world

the song of achillies by madeline miller - im sure you’ve heard of this but if not then oh my gah. my sweet gay sons who i cry for once a week

carry on by rainbow rowell - listen. if you like harry potter then you’ll love this even more, if you’re like me and dont give a fuck then you’re solid bc i fuckin adored this book regardless. i was Not prepared for the delight that was snowbaz, and baz pitch is one of my favorite characters Ever. hes a smart, cynical vampire who’s kind of an asshole but also kind of a soft loser and i would throw it all down for him. these two fuckers owned my entire ass

six of crows by leigh bardugo - not actually a romance book so its not technically m/m but there are romantic relationships woven throughout the story and there is m/m and 💖✨ (but regardless please read this if you wanna go on a wild ass adventure and scream for 2 full length books, some of the greatest most diverse characters to ever be written)

in other lands by sarah rees brennan - this book was in its entirety a goddamn delight. elliot is by definition a disaster bisexual, and theres no greater pleasure on earth than reading his sassy obnoxious pov. if i wasn’t laughing i was just grinning throughout the whole thing. he goes through different relationships throughout the book (m and f) and i wont spoil but in terms of m/m oh my god ❤️❤️❤️

the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue by mackenzi lee - this book was similarly delightful as hell and monty is another disaster bisexual who deserves the world. this is literally just a book full of shenanigans and the tropiest tropes. you’ll wanna shake monty but also give him a hug and the universe and his best friend who He Is In Love With 

wolfsong by tj klune - this is an abo book which isn’t everyones thing, but i enjoyed it when i read it and ox is an adorable lovable bisexual who has all my love 

rock by anyta sunday - my memory is fuzzy on this one but i remember loving it sooo much, i wish i remembered the details better but its one of those books that take you through the years so you experience them as kids, teens and young adults and its done very well. i really recommend looking it up and seeing if you’re interested, there was heartache but it was also very heartwarming and i’l definitely re read soon

the gladiator’s master by fae sutherland - so i went into this bc i saw it had themes of erotica & D/s which im personally into, but for some reason that i cant recall i mainly skimmed it when i started reading it and ive been slowly reading it for a while now but i only have the vague idea since it was a skim read (still not done, i pick it up randomly) and honestly i actually enjoy what i read of it and wish i remembered what compelled me to give it a half ass read when i started. (i might have thought the relationship pacing was a bit fast? but i actually dont fully feel that way now when i look back?? idk??) ill probably start it again eventually and read it properly so you should look it up and see if it intrigues you

think of england by k.j. charles - im currently reading this and im somewhere in the middle. im enjoying it, but its one of those books that i had recd so much that i had REALLY high expectations so im a little bit “hmm” about it, but again, im only in the middle and could finish it like ASDFGHJ so theres that

the raven boys by maggie stiefvater - there is a m/m couple in the series and its very slow burn but its DELICIOUS and i LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH and one of the guys is MY ENTIRE DARK HEART

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz - i was very wary about reading this bc its YA and i really dont like cutesy teen books at all, and while it can be that, it was still nice?? the themes and relationships are very endearing, the pov character is an angsty boy who struggles with a lot and it was very nice seeing him learn himself/the world/his place and their relationship was 💞

[luciferofthesouthpole]

My Shitty Anime Masterpost

alright so this is mostly just for myself and @twilight--fades bc i can never fucking remember what i’ve watched or what it was even abt in the first place and also to turn my best friend into a weeb. most of it’s yuri or has rlly gay subtext aside from a few.

just a disclaimer these are all my personal opinions and i’ve no doubt that i’ve given some of these shows ratings they don’t deserve. also a 10/10 rating for Gay means that it’s canon and has been explicitly established in the show. anything short of that means that it’s still considered subtext and not confirmed by either the show itself or the ppl who worked on it.

Senki Zesshou Symphogear (aka symphogay)

Senki Zesshou Symphogear (戦姫絶唱シンフォギア - translated as Superb Song of the Valkyries: Symphogear) is a sci-fi series about Gay Magical Girl Warriors who use Power Armor fueled by The Power of Rock to battle Eldritch Abominations (from r/symphogear).  that’s it. that’s the show.

Gay: 9/10  Personal rating: 11/10 (please i beg you all to watch this it’s amazing)

Kill la Kill

i honestly can’t even remember much abt this other than the fact that there’s a shit ton of fanservice and the animation/art is rlly good.  the story was decent although it’s confusing in the beginning.

Gay: just don’t   Personal Rating: 7/10

Little Witch Academia

super cute and heartwarming. animated by Trigger, like Kill la Kill, except this does like a 180 and has basically 0 fanservice. the first half is slice of life while the second half has much more drama and plot. all the girls are likeable and have very distinct personalities and i love them all.

Gay: 7/10 (mostly subtext but you don’t have to look too hard)   Personal Rating: 8/10

Love Live! School Idol Project

high school anime abt a group of girls who become idols to save their school from getting shut down. mostly slice of life, but there’s enough drama in there to keep the plot going.  good music and rlly pretty art. the concerts/songs are 3D animated, but its not too bad; just very noticeable. (can’t remember too much abt this since i binge watched it a while ago)

Gay: 5/10 (subtext but you rlly have to squint to see it)  Personal Rating: 7/10

Love Live! Sunshine!!

sequel spin-off to love live. the plot of the 1st season basically follows the original which is kinda boring, but it’s not bad enough to make you stop watching the show. i personally like the cast for sunshine more than the original, but that’s just me. the 3D animation improves a lot and i sometimes couldn’t tell btwn the two when i first started watching this. this has more slice of life in it with the plot being kind of a background thing, but stuff does still happen.

Gay: 7/10 (more obvious w/ this one but still subtext)  Personal Rating: 8/10

Konohana Kitan

gay fox spirits help run an inn, basically. p much all slice of life and while it may seem boring at first, the themes for the episodes are rlly heartwarming and will give you feels. art is rlly pretty and the characters are cute too.

Gay: 9.5/10   Personal Rating: 8.5/10

Sakura Trick

best friends turned lovers kind of thing. its a high school slice of life anime so don’t expect too much out of it. there’s quite a bit of kissing but all of it is rlly eroticized for some fucking reason???? so im just conflicted abt all of it. other than that i actually rlly like the art style.

Gay: 10/10   Personal Rating: 6/10

Yuru Yuri

slice of life but very fluffy and cute. i can’t remember too much abt this one but there were some p funny moments and definitely a lot of adorable ones. (yes this is the one where our personal disc server icon is from)

Gay: 8/10 (subtext but it’s fairly obvious)   Personal Rating: 7.5/10

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

meguca is suffering

Gay: 9.9/10  Personal Rating: 9.5/10

Strawberry Panic

this one is an oldy but still good.  it’s a high school anime with a lot of drama but all the gay in it is canon.  a little frustrating to watch bc you’re gonna spend the whole time yelling at your screen for the girls to just get together already.

Gay: 10/10   Personal Rating: 6.5/10 (i’m honestly not a fan of high school anime hence the low rating, but it’s still good; one of those yuri anime you watch to get into the genre since its very well done)

Kannazuki no Miko (Priestesses of the Godless Month)

(this isn’t cover art like what i’ve done w/ the other ones but this pic is way too iconic to not use)

oh boy this one. i have a love/hate relationship w/ this one bc on one hand its absolute garbage but on the other hand the ending completely makes up for it. like, this fits into the sun and moon trope perfectly and i’m weak for that shit. the pacing is p bad and you have a forcefully inserted boring male love interest cock-blocking my lesbians the whole time. but god that last fucking episode makes all the pain and suffering worth it because its SO. FUCKING. GAY.

Gay: 10/10   Personal Rating: 7/10 (i’m giving this a much higher rating than it deserves and it’s only bc of the last episode and the fact that it has my two favorite things: mecha and lesbians)

Akuma no Riddle

lesbian assassins. that’s it.

Gay: 9.5/10 (canon in the manga but the subtext is obvious in the anime)  Personal Rating: 7.5/10 (Note: i went back and skimmed through the manga ending bc when i initially started reading it, the last volume hadn’t been released yet. that said, i recommend watching the anime then reading the manga if you want even more gay bc it is canon and way more explicit abt it in the manga.)

Candy Boy

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gay: 10/10   Personal Rating: no

Citrus

i know this hasn’t come out yet, but i’m caught up in the manga. the art is very good, both in the manga and from what i’ve seen in the anime PV’s. high school drama but it’s actually not bad (also they’re step-sisters so it’s some weird pseudo incest thing   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) 

Gay: 10/10   Personal Rating: for the manga - 8/10 (i’ll update/change this when the anime comes out and finishes its season)

Princess Principal

lesbian spies in victorian london. i love the aesthetic of this anime but it’s one downside is a lack of a solid plot. it’s very vague for most of it except for the last few episodes. characters are likeable and interesting with diverse backstories. this one does get a dark at times and pulls in a lot of real world issues. (note: the episodes are not in chronological order so things may seem confusing at first and you’ll have a bunch of questions, but everything p much gets answered at one point. i recommend watching the episodes in release order and then in chronological order so you get fully acquainted to everything initially then are able to pick up on anything you missed the first time.)

Gay: 8.5/10   Personal Rating: 8/10

Izetta: The Last Witch 

just look at the cover it’s already gay. in a nutshell, gay witch helps her princess gf win a war by using her op magic. this is more of an action/war anime but the gay is very prominent and one of the main focuses of the show. the story wasn’t too bad and falls on a few cliches; nothing too bad and interesting enough to keep you watching.

Gay: 9/10   Personal Rating: 7/10

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid

yeah let’s just ignore the title. slice of life w/ some comedy. there’s not much to it, but it’s a nice fluffy anime to watch. this was actually better than i thought it’d be and way more gay than what i expected, too. (just a warning: there is a shit ton of fanservice in this one and some weird ass loli and maid stuff so watch at your own risk)

Gay: 9.5/10 (it’s glaringly obvious and p in your face but idk if it’s actually canon) Personal Rating: 7.5/10

Katana Maidens ~ Toji no Miko 

this one honestly surprised me (in a good way); i thought it would be one of those anime that had a creative concept at the start but ends up disappointing bc of bad writing but this wasn’t the case for toji no miko. there’s nothing amazing about this, but it’s a p good anime to watch if you want some action. (note: one problem i have w/ this is that there are so many characters in this that it’s hard to keep track of all of them) (note 2: this is a 2 cour anime so i may or may not change my rating when it ends)

Gay: 7.5 (literally every character in this show is female except for some one’s grandpa so there’s a shit ton of shipping material) Personal Rating: 8/10

Yuru Camp△

one word: comfy slice of life anime abt winter camping. this anime is one of the most relaxing things i have ever watched and never failed to brighten up my day. good music, good humor, and a cute cast of characters.

Gay: 6.5/10   Personal Rating: yuru camp cured my depression, cleared my skin, and actually made me want to leave my room for once 10/10

Yuuki Yuuna wa Yuusha de Aru (Yuki Yuna Is a Hero)

meguca is suffering 2.0 this is honestly a very good successor the pmmm and i highly recommend it if you hate yourself enough to endure all the pain again. (note: watch the original show, the prequel, then the 2nd season in that order)

Gay: 9/10 (was originally 8/10 but Togo exists and she is one of the biggest lesbian ever) Personal Rating: 9/10

and w/ that, i’m done w/ all the “yuri” anime (subtext or actual canon). the rest of these are from all kinds of genres and basically anything i’ve actually really enjoyed and recommend to anyone regardless of what they prefer to watch.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion

kind of a classic and an anime a lot of ppl first watch when getting into anime. its a mecha anime thats all 2D/hand animated so that’s already a huge plus for me. there’s quite a bit of fanservice, unfortunately. from what i remember the plot was p solid and complex. def one of my favorite anime of all time.

Personal Rating: 9/10

Steins;Gate

this is rlly good but also rlly depressing. it starts of fairly slow (mostly the 1st half), but when it picks up, shit goes down.

Personal Rating: 8.5/10

Houseki no Kuni (Land of the Lustrous)

ok, so this is actually all 3D/CG animated, BUT it pulls it off amazingly well. this is how you 3D animate an anime. the environment and characters look absolutely stunning and the animation is actually fluid and very good. the plot is a little vague and just goes in a general direction, but shit happens to constantly keep you on the edge of your seat. characters are likeable and have a wide range of personalities.

Personal Rating: 9/10

The Ancient Magus’ Bride ( Mahoutsukai no Yome)

everything about this anime is amazing: the art, the animation, the characters, the story.  i honestly have nothing bad to say about this one. definitely a must watch for everyone. it’s kinda fucked up, but still amazing and you rlly feel for the characters. unfortunately, the 1st cour is a lot stronger than the 2nd one in terms of writing and starts to fall flat and a little frustrating to watch. aside from that, it would have been a perfect 10 for me.

Personal Rating: 9/10 

Made in Abyss

the world-building and environments in this anime are fantastic and i love it. the art is gorgeous and the animation is very fluid. warning: don’t let the cover fool you, this gets p fucked up later on. the majority of the cast are children so there’s some perverted jokes abt them that try to come off as comedic relief but it’s only just uncomfortable for everyone.

Personal Rating: 9.5/10

Pop Team Epic

this anime is literally just one giant fucking meme

Personal Rating: i honestly don’t even know anymore

Girls’ Last Tour

kind of slice of life abt two girls who are exploring the post-apocalyptic world they live in. very atmospheric anime that always gives a bittersweet feeling. there isn’t much of a plot bc it focuses a lot on, i guess, mundane everyday things but through a unique perspective. definitely gives you something to think abt.

Personal Rating: 8/10

Violet Evergarden

an absolutely beautiful anime. art is gorgeous and the animation is one of the most fluid things i have ever watched. this is fairly depressing and each episode will make you cry. the main character is so well written and character development for her is A+.

Personal Rating: 9.5/10

this is what i have so far and i’ll most likely add things when i end up remembering them and watching more

New anime (Spring 2018): i’m gonna put any new anime that has caught my eye in the current anime season, mostly so i can keep track of what i’m watching and determine if they should be added to the list once they’ve finished airing. i won’t put any ratings or cover; it’s just a list for the sake of organization.

toji no miko darling in the franxx uma masume: pretty derby (horse girl anime) megalo box mahou shoujo site Saredo Tsumibito wa Ryuu to Odoru gundam build divers tachibanakan triangle steins;gate 0

[adrift-in-writing]

Français Between Us - Chapter 6

Gonna try something different, see if this is what’s actually happening...

_________________________

“Lena.” A French accent rang out into the air, albeit muffled through all the high-pitched white noise the student could make out. She lightly groaned, shaking her head just as she had felt a light breeze tickle her on the nose. Then, her eyes slowly opened up to see Amélie gently fanning her student’s face.

“Wake up.”

She did, but not without her heart skipping a beat and immediately jolting her. She vaguely recalled fainting earlier, and fell back into her chair with an elongated sigh. With a soft chuckle, Amélie gently waved at her student. “There she is! Welcome back to the land of the living.”

“How...how long was I out?” Lena groggily spoke out, now trying to remember where she was and why she passed out.

“About fifteen minutes, give or take.”

“Oh. Not too bad at...least…” Lena then remembered her predicament and earlier pratfalls. At the revelation, she fell out of her chair, grunting. Her eyes widened, and - again - she began stuttering. “Y-y-y-y-y-yuhhh!” Lena ended up pointing directly at her professor, now at a complete loss for words while still down on the floor. “Kiss!”

More incoherent babbling from Lena, it seemed. But that was really not surprising for Amélie, considering she liked the idea of being a big tease. She just...smiled, and set the little fan back on the table. “First one’s free.”

Lena hoped that was a joke and it was an accident.

She had extended her hand out so Lena could grab it and get back up from her chair, though her student seemed fairly reluctant to get back up. Inevitably, push came to shove, and Amélie felt compelled to just bring Lena back up by forcefully dragging her. “Come on, Lena.” Her professor raised the chair back up and sat Lena back down. “N’ai pas peur!”

That didn’t just happen.

No, god dammit that didn’t just happen . Was Amélie reading her mind, especially just before they had even arrived in the café? This was supposed to be a simple outing and yet, somehow, Lena got kicked in the face by how unpredictable the past few minutes were.

Today wasn’t real. Nope. Not at all. Somewhere out there in the world Professor Lacroix was looking down upon her because she was a buffoon. This date wasn’t real. She wasn’t laughing away at her misfortunes or just out of the blue kissing her 19-year-old student on the lips.

The waitress from earlier had arrived again with a requested hot towel and Amélie’s second cup of coffee. Confused and unsure of things, Lena just sat there with wide eyes like a deer in the headlights, awkwardly staring at their server before she moved away.

Presumably, that hot towel was meant for her. The professor sitting just across from her smugly took a sip from her second cup of coffee. As she set it down on a saucer, Amélie rested her chin using her thumb and index finger whilst her elbow supported it.

“Well,” Amélie tilted her head again. “I’m sure you’re having mixed signals, aren’t you?”

That was putting it delicately, holy god. Lena didn’t even get permission to use the hot towel; she just went after it and wanted to get away from this embarrassing scene.

But there it was again.

That light-hearted chuckle emitting from across the table, and an equally delicate smile to greet her with an ethereally warm glow to it.

And that made her blush even more with an added amount of tiny squealing, as Lena found it hard to breathe in the presence of her professor right now. She wished that it was the first day of school again, because that Amélie compared to now was...refined, and very sophisticated. That ‘I am unapproachable’ feeling, combined with the stern and serious looks she gave, and yet she never seemed to have any other emotion outside of anything serious.

Compared to the Amélie before her now, it seemed like she was very interested since the first meeting. So incredibly filled with the joy of life, and so carefree about it all as well. It seemed...awkward, and out of place. Yet they always did say that looks are deceiving, and to never judge a book by its cover.

Lena did in fact have questions, but the sheer amount of fuckery going through her head was trying to process its way and not slip out by accident. She took a deep breath and exhaled just the same, neatly folding back the hot towel. She had gazed at her professor, who in return had the intent of answering any questions thrown her way.

“...You like me, don’t you?” Lena had said, throwing a bit of confidence in her voice.

All Amélie really did was shrug. “I did say you were brilliant the first time we spoke face-to-face, did I not?”

She did. As a matter of fact, Lena kind of took it personally on that day, but thought nothing of it. Little did she know, that was definitely how her professor saw her.

“And...the kiss?”

A light chuckle was heard, just before Professor Lacroix moved her hands down to relax on the table.

“Like I said. If you never knew me as Amélie Guillard, you’d love me just the same, oui? ”

A single nod came from Lena.

“Then it should be quite obvious. My money and my heritage mean little to you.”

It was then Amélie leaned in again and had her smug little smile again. “The only thing on your mind is loving me, not as an object of value, but as a person. That, and impressing me.” She leaned back, and her smile faded. “That’s why I chose to kiss you.”

Lena swallowed, feeling beads of sweat fall down once more. This time, however, she wouldn’t let it get to her and instead, she kept on being a bit defensive, lest she get unexpectedly kissed. Or hugged. Or anything that’d cause her to hurl herself out the window in embarrassment.

“Is that all?”

“Hrm,” Amélie rubbed her chin. “You are quite adorable, I’ll give you that.”

And there goes all that confidence. Lena sank in her chair and started blushing again, now nervously laughing just as a response.

“But,” Her professor’s tone immediately shifted. It sounded more like the old Amélie, or rather the one Lena was used to. “I am well aware that you are timid around this side of me. If you want...I could just go back to my professional self. You seem more comfortable with that.”

“N-no! It was just outta left field is all! I’ll adapt real quick!”

Of course, that made her professor lightly chuckle again. “Good. You’re in France. Maybe I should teach you how to be less timid and more…” She licked her lips, then looked away coyly. “Enticing.”

She already fainted once, but Lena didn’t want to faint again. Instead, she just squirmed in her chair with widened eyes and a very worried expression painted on her face. She hated how she was somehow really, really easy for her to melt into her professor’s hands, and how easy it was that Amélie would always constantly tease her to no end, intentionally or not.

Curse her! I’m too bloody gay for this!

Rather than say anything else, Lena just let it happen and shook whatever was on her mind out. Save for the jazzy music in the café still in the background, things died down after that. Amélie downed her second cup of coffee, just in time for the waitress to come pick up the towel and both of their respective cups.

For a while, Lena went back to viewing her phone, though she occasionally snapped a picture of her professor to send to her friends.

_________________________

Lena: (Picture of Amélie again)

Lena: I have a bit of regret for this decision

Angie: Is this not what you wanted?

Angie: Because it sounds like this isn’t what you wanted.

Lena: It is!! She just kissed me too!

Angie: She kissed you? Are you sure it’s not you who kissed her?

Lou: wooooo you got some!

Lou: bettin’ you deserve it too

Lena: Me kiss her?  n o……...

Hana: proof?

Lena: I don’t actually ha

Hana: ha? are u laughing at me?

Lena is typing…

_________________________

Amélie had swiftly snatched Lena’s phone away from her, curious as to what was diverting her attention away.

“ Hey! Not okay!” Her student pouted, trying to take her device back.

The professor really wasn’t listening, nor was she letting her student have it back, not at the moment. She skimmed through the messages, and had a sly smirk on her face. “Proof, she says?” She leaned in on the table, moving her saucer and coffee cup away. “Is she that desperate to see us together?”

“It’s not that important! Don’t encourage her either!”

Amélie hummed, taking hold of Lena’s phone still. She stood up, moving over to where her student was sitting. “If she wants it so much, I have no reason not to comply.” She knelt down slightly, and toggled the functionality for a selfie to be taken. Her body then brushed up against Lena’s own, and she gave a soft smile.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Say fromage, ma chérie.”

“ Fr...fromage ?” Lena eyeballed her professor, who was on her left. Just before a photo was snapped, a rather awkward smile was placed on Lena’s lips, followed by her blushing just at how close her professor was in terms of personal space.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Amélie rose back up and hummed, pulling the chat back up from the background.

_________________________

Hana: listen man i get that shes good for u but

Hana: just bc u got a smoking hot gf now doesnt mean anything to me

Hana: so dont laugh k?

“Lena”: (Selfie)

“Lena”: I hope this is enough evidence to sate your oh so curious appetite, petite fille.

“Lena”: Oh, and Hana?

“Lena”: I’ll definitely speak French between her legs. All night.

“Lena”: Don’t pretend you’re jealous she’s got a ‘smoking hot girlfriend’ who will do that and you don’t.

Hana: W H A T

Lou: daaaaaamn

Angie: …

Angie: Not a good time for me to come back to this chat, I think. I’ll be going.

Hana: NO U STAY RIGHT HERE

Hana: THIS BINCH

Hana: C’MERE U DRY BAGUETTE

Hana: ILL FITE U

Hana: YOU HEAR ME?!

“Lena”: Oh, yes. I do hear you, child.

“Lena”: I would very much enjoy seeing you fly over here and try.

“Lena”: Adieu~ <3

Hana: FUCK OFF IM NOT A CHILD

Angie: Hana. Please calm down. All-caps rage is not going to get you anywhere.

_________________________

“Here you are.” Amélie smugly chuckled, sliding back Lena’s phone to her student, with the chat still running in the background. Lena reluctantly took it back, unsure of what even just happened. When she scrolled up to read what Amélie put into the chatroom, she squeaked, really, really loudly. On top of, she was visibly shaking from pure nervousness. She struggled to raise her index finger to indicate that a moment was necessary, and she took a long, hard look at her professor.

“W-w-w-why?!” Lena bumbled on, now trying to read a rapid-fire rant that Hana was sending out in her respective Korean language. She didn’t understand it at all, for they were just symbols to her. But, that was the least of her problems right now.

“Why did you even do that?!” Lena was in the midst of her own meltdown trying to process all of this info. “Aghhhh! You can’t be bloody serious!”

“About the girlfriend thing? And the French-speaking between legs?”

“That…” Her nostrils flared up, and she took a deep exhale. “No! My friend!”

“Hana should know better than to tease you like that.” She giggled again, shaking her head. “It shut her up, didn’t it?” Amélie shrugged, and crossed her legs. “Do unto others as they would do unto themselves. She teases you, I tease her.”

Her student groaned, almost in agony about her predicament she had placed herself in. “Why? Why me?”

Maybe this was just some really deep, next-level fever dreams she was having. She was probably sent home early on the account of not feeling well at all. Maybe, this was just a pure fantasy that had gone on for a little bit too long. Even a semblance of sanity would prove she was living inside a dream.

But no. This was completely fucking batshit crazy.

She slid her head down to her arms on the table, really hoping that Amélie couldn’t see the shame on Lena’s face. Half of her was enjoying this, but the other half...not so much. It was the most mixed amount of signals going around her mind that made things worse; on one end, it was crying out of joy this was happening, and on the next, it was crying out of misery this was happening .

Eventually, she’d have to accept it. Angela was right. This was what she wanted, and she’d have to bite and swallow a fairly large bullet as consequence for trying to start something she obviously wasn’t prepared for. As such, the student lifted her head up and calmed herself down.

As the last few sips from Lena’s cold coffee were gone, it was time to leave. In total, both teacher and student spent an hour and thirty minutes in a café. Unrealistically, however, most of that was waiting. With the check paid in full by Professor Lacroix, she softly grinned and laid back on her chair.

“I hope you had as much fun as I did!”

“Not...really.”

Truthfully, it was kind of awkward how things turned out. If Lena had expected it or perhaps saw it coming, maybe she’d have a good time. But, much like 99% of her experience in France, all of it came down to her blundering her way around like an idiot.

“Well, why not?”

“I mean...it was nice, but not the way I thought it’d go.”

On the flip-side, however, a part of Lena had at least gotten to hold onto a secret her professor didn’t want to tell anybody. She felt a bit special that way, even if all the things she did on this date would’ve appalled or embarrassed any other girl dating her.

“Hm...how about I make it up to you in the future, then?” Amélie tilted her head to the side. “Say...Monday after class?”

“Yeah,” Lena spoke, in a rather meek tone. “Monday.”

Then, Amélie nodded and stood up. Just as she was ready to leave, however, she remembered something and sat back down.

“Ah, one moment.” She reached into her handbag, shuffling around all the assorted folders and make-up product inside. The professor had fetched out a black inkpen and set it on the table, and then went about finding a suitable space to write down some things. She had found her stack of sticky-notes, and delicately peeled one off from the stack. With a few obscured scribbles that Lena could not see, Amélie then stuck the note on her student’s arm. “For you.”

Lena blinked a few times, a bit confused at what happened. She peeled off the note and took a glance at what Professor Lacroix wrote for her.

Inscribed on the note was a phone number and an address, relatively closeby to her own place. It was probably just a couple blocks, into the single-person apartment dorms that were often sold out within the first minutes of their sales opening up.

Her head lowered, but her eyes gleamed at Amélie, slackjawed. “You’re having a laugh. You must be.”

“If by ‘having a laugh’ you mean I’m kidding, then no. If by ‘having a laugh’ you mean I had a good date and wish to spend more time with you outside of class, then yes.”

Professor Lacroix began packing back up her purse, grabbing the pen and sticky-notes to put back in. “Next time however,” Amélie began, lifting her purse up to her shoulder. “We talk about your personal life. Would that be okay with you?”

“Could you...could you set the date, then?”

Amélie took a brief moment to reflect on that thought, before lightly humming and nodding. It only seemed fair that they would rotate on who would go next. “Of course. I might need your phone number and address for it though.”

Once more - but for the last time - Amélie brought out her pen and sticky-notes for Lena to write her details in. When she did, Lena then began adding in her professor’s number and the like lest she forget later and accidentally ignore her due to an unrecognized person texting her.

With all that said and done, Amélie smiled and packed away all of her things. “Monday, oui? ”

“Oui.”

“Lena?”

Her student looked on towards the professor.

“I’m not always a misbehaver. Just, today I wanted to be a bit more loose. So,” A hand was placed on Lena’s shoulder, then lightly shook. “don’t fret. I’m much nicer and more calm than I gave as an impression.”

What occurred would’ve said otherwise. But, Lena did believe her. After all, Amélie never lied to her. She couldn’t say the same, lest she forget their first meeting. In return, she just nodded, and pondered about what else to say.

“Then this concludes our date. Adieu , Lena.”

Amélie then turned around to make her way out of the Cygne Noir café. Considering they sat a bit farther away, she had bumped into a few waiters and waitresses on the way out. A few steps after, Professor Lacroix had been obscured into the crowd of others, and Lena decided to stand up as well to catch up to her. “Wait up!”

Amélie stopped, just as the door swung open. Rather than hold onto the door forever, she lightly closed it back, shifting around and tilting her head again. “Yes?”

Now wasn’t the time to mess up. Fucking do it, Oxton.

Lena nervously swallowed, and then got up on her tippy-toes, leaning in to press her lips against Amélie’s cheek. It caught her off-guard, but it did feel warranted. Lena stepped back, balancing her feet and clenched her fists together before raising them upwards. “Monday!”

Amélie rolled her eyes and licked her lips. “If you keep this up?” She leaned down towards her student, just to return the favor ten-fold by delivering a tender kiss on Lena’s lips again. Lena squeaked, almost falling back from the suddenness of it all.

“Sunday,” Amélie softly spoke, gently flicking Lena on her cheek. “so I can teach you how to kiss a woman and not be shy about it.”

This time, Lena just froze in place with her eyes widened. Awestruck once more, she flinched before having a goofy smile on her face. “U-uh, y-yeah. Sure, sure. Sunday. I’ll keep my phone not on mute.”

“If I don’t, then Monday.”

At least now, Lena could go home and scream in a pillow all she wanted. But she wouldn’t. Rather, she’d just try to be brave.

Do it for your crush, after all.

[fencesandfrogs]

gay media: why we still need gay romance (an essay)

this is almost two thousand words long and there’s no good place to put a read more break so i put it fairly early on so that people don’t have to scroll through this whole thing on mobile but right underneath there’s a really good quote from david leviathan’s two boys kissing that u should read if ur gay even if u don’t wanna read the whole essay 

 so it’s a little over done ik but i was talking to my mom abt gay/straight media and she said the classic “why can’t we just have christmas movies instead of gay/straight movies?” and

you know the thing is gay/straight romance has a very different set of tropes. there’s rarely gay love triangles, etc., because we have “closeted” or  “homophobic parents.”

uhh david leviathan’s two boys kissing (2013). there’s this section that’s always stuck with me. 

Neil has two DVDs, two bottles of Diet Dr Pepper, cookie dough, and a book of poems in his backpack. This—and Peter—is all it takes for him to feel profoundly lucky. But luck, we’ve learned, is actually part of an invisible equation. Two blocks away from Peter’s house, Neil gets a glimpse of this, and is struck by a feeling of deep, unnamed gratitude. He realizes that part of his good fortune is his place in history, and he thinks fleetingly of us, the ones who came before. We are not names or faces to him; we are an abstraction, a force. His gratitude is a rare thing—it is much more likely for a boy to feel thankful for the Diet Dr Pepper than he is to feel thankful for being healthy and alive, for being able to walk to his boyfriend’s house at age fifteen without any doubt that this is the right thing to do. 

He has no idea how beautiful he is as he walks up that path and rings that doorbell. He has no idea how beautiful the ordinary becomes once it disappears. 

If you are a teenager now, it is unlikely that you knew us well. We are your shadow uncles, your angel godfathers, your mother’s or your grandmother’s best friend from college, the author of that book you found in the g*y section of the library. We are characters in a Tony Kushner play, or names on a quilt that rarely gets taken out anymore. We are the ghosts of the remaining older generation. You know some of our songs.

We do not want to haunt you too somberly. We don’t want our legacy to be gravitas. You wouldn’t want to live your life like that, and you won’t want to be remembered like that, either. Your mistake would be to find our commonality in our dying. The living part mattered more.

so this whole book is fantastic mind but this is from the very beginning and i think it really hits on why it’s so hard to just have “romance movies.” like putting aside representation issues: it is impossible to tell a good gay romance like a straight romance. because even if its not about being gay, it fundamentally changes the experience. even if they just go on a basic dinner and movies first date, that is surrounded in this sense of, “they did that!” if you fail to think about how they must be nervous to make it obvious they’re on a date, even if they’re out and proud, you’ve missed something common to the Gay Experience.

i.e., even women in safe areas, secure in their personal defense, are usually nervous about walking home at night alone. because that’s a fear they’re taught to have. gay people are taught to be afraid of homophobia. because it can be violent and get us hurt.

lets look at the notebook:

The novel is framed by the titular notebook. The story that the reader engages with is the same one that an elderly Noah reads to Allie in the Creekside Assistance Living Facility when they are in their eighties. Allie does not know who Noah is, only that he comes to her room every day and reads to her. Each night, she forgets who he is and what he has read to her. Noah loves her and enjoys his time with her but also holds out hope that the story will restore her memories and bring her back to him.

The teenage Allie and Noah meet one summer in the 1930s, in the small town of New Bern, North Carolina. They fall in love and promise that they will always be together. But at the end of the summer, Allie leaves with her family, and Noah does not hear from her again for fourteen years. He writes to her every month, but his letters receive no reply. Allie will later learn that Noah wrote to her but that her mother intercepted the letters and hid them. Allie’s family is part of the southern aristocracy, and her parents do not believe that the lower-class Noah deserves their daughter. 

After fourteen years, Allie returns to New Bern to tell Noah that she is engaged to a good, charming, handsome attorney named Lon Hammond. But she and Lon do not have a passionate relationship. Allie and Noah quickly fall in love again. Allie’s mother figures out why her daughter is in New Bern and visits them at Noah’s house. She gives Allie the letters she hid and tells her to make whatever decision is best for her. That is where Noah ends his written account of their story and the novel returns to present day.

In the final chapter, Noah reveals the circumstances of Allie’s diagnosis and relates a summary of their life together after she left Lon and came to New Bern to be with him. She has since become a famous painter, and they traveled the world and had five children together, with four surviving.

Allie remembers who Noah is after he finishes reading, and understands that they are the characters in the story from the notebook. But her dementia quickly returns, and she forgets, shouting for help and sending Noah out of her room. Days later, Noah has a stroke that puts him in the hospital for two weeks and paralyses the right side of his body. When he returns to Creekside, he visits Allie on the night of their forty-ninth anniversary. She opens her eyes and calls him by name, then kisses him. As the novel ends, Noah says that they are going to heaven together, at the same moment.

(plot summary from super summary)

lets just imagine that noah is nora real fast, and lets pretend it isn’t set in a homophobic era. right just move it up to 2017 or something. the gays have marriage. things are generally pretty good. just so that’s not even a point of comparison.

okay so beginning part works fine. still adorable.

but now they’re teenagers. in ~1970. but ignoring that, because again, i’m trying to ignore homophobia as much as possible. so first off, like, actually the sheer happenstance of two lesbians finding each other? i’m a Gay but if my situation is similar i imagine that’s pretty low.

now the summer romance part is fine. still very cute. no complaints there. mm i love me some happy romance. will they won’t they is for nerds. but. i mean what works better as a story beat? allie’s mom destroys the letters because nora is lower class or because her daughter is a lesbian.

yeah.

even now, if allie’s mom is part of the southern aristocracy, there’s some absolutely insane cognitive dissonance to her ignoring her daughter’s gayness because nora is lower class. that’s. argh.

and even if she’s super progressive, tolerant southerners exist, so like yeah that’s a chance, i’m still unconvinced she would overlook the gay part because of class differences. i haven’t read this & i’m skimming spark notes but it just. it feels wrong to me that that would happen. that someone concerned with relative social standing wouldn’t be concerned with gayness.

moving on, allie and uhhhh lets go w laura instead of lon? yeah allie and laura.

okay so first of all, i’ve established allie’s mom kind of needs to be homophobic, but if they get around that, then this is mostly okay. i see no glaring, “this would not happen like this if they were gay.” maybe its slightly less likely? but it’s a minor thing.

okay so allie’s mom is destroying all these letters from nora. case 1: allie’s mom is homophobic.

did nora not know? because usually it’s pretty damn obvious. in that case, why is she sending letters? that’s just poor form allie go date laura she seems to be treating you right.

case 2: allie’s mom is really classist.

but the thing is: gay people are good at doing forbidden romance. it’s in our genetics. u know. for survival. if you’re telling me two strapping young lesbians can’t figure out how to pose as best friends? i mean lord there’s a new hulu movie coming out based _entirely around that premise. _i just. like. there’s them choosing to break up because hiding a relationship is hard. there’s them being found out, i suppose (but again, what sensible gay person is that bad at hiding a relationship? they’re lesbians, it should b reasonably easy for them. people b erasing wlw like that), but i just.

why would you? let on u were dating?

so at this point the premise of the rest of the movie is pretty much broken. because case 2B: nothing changes; doesn’t make a lot of sense.

so. allie, a young lesbian, probably aware of homophobia at this point, doesn’t say, “hey yeah my parents suck & don’t approve so we have to keep this on the dl is that a dealbreaker?” nora, also a young lesbian, also probably aware of homophobia, doesn’t say like “yo r ur parents cool w me?” doesn’t pick up that “hm ur parents seem to not respect me so i do not want to interact” and then say “look, allie, bb, u gotta figure this out bc this isn’t gonna work”?

nora just…sends letters to allie? that’s what happens?

and i mean like the ending itself is mostly okay. some questionable holes but like i’ve made my point by now.

because being gay, even in accepting circumstances, is surrounded by a history of homophobia. our actions our colored by it. our perceptions of normal and our methods to solve problems are shaped by it. what we think of when we say romance is formed by what we know about society.

there’s a lot of unrelatable stuff in any romance movie. they’re a form of fantasy. but the reasons for why are really different depending on the context you’re looking at them under.

and don’t get me wrong, i want the same love stories we get in straight media in gay media. i don’t want to be thinking about homophobia. i want to be focused on the two cute gays who _won’t kiss dammit, can’t you see you feel the same way? _because who doesn’t?

but if the reasons they won’t kiss is because they’re not sure if they’re reading the signals corectly?

i mean that’s a meme i made obviously but my point is, that’s the dilemna.

okay i’m exhausted and tired and spent like 10 minutes getting that screenshot so uh:

tldr: gay and straight romance is fundamentally different even ignoring homophobia because gay experiences are shaped by homophobia.