#like a slow drip anxiety titration that never stops

[shadsasaur]

-health has been very bad -do not want to get covid, have managed to avoid it so far -have been avoiding almost all human contact. mask up for groceries, can count on one hand how many times ive seen people this year [all outdoor activities with one masked indoors at an art gallery], no bars or restaurants -have a mental list of people id consider safe to be around inside, and high risk activities [seeing people unmasked in big groups or high risk places] gets people removed -the only people ive been seeing REGULARLY are husband and mom -only other close family member is on other side of country -mom visits regularly because her partner is an Oil Rig Guy and is away 3 weeks at a time, she has no one else around -every now and then she would casually drop shed been eating at x restaurant last night, id have internal panic attack and say nothing -last week accidentally ran into her at a store she didnt expect me at -inadvertently learned that she is currently not fucking masking up in busy stores if im not around -fucking great to learn masking is only for placating me and i have no clue how long ago she gave up on it -mother is now no longer on “safe to be inside list” -have spent the past week very upset about this because its a bad conversation to have and i didnt know whether to just try to avoid her for a while or have the conversation and start shit, because she is the kind of person who will NOT take this well -tomorrow is my birthday -she started messaging yesterday about how she had something to stop by and give me -i was laying down at the time, chose to not answer because i didnt want to have the conversation -shes messaging me pissier and pissier this morning about how i need to tell her where i am today because “i dont want to lug this around a second day” -looks like im gonna have to deal with it today -alright. full day anxiety attack, GO

[whumpywhumper]

Friends

I needed to release some comfort into the world. This skips some of the Hospital Arc, but the pieces will be connected. 

Masterpost

@misspelledwitch @insanitywishes @imagination1reality0 @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @voidwhump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi  @captivity-whump @liliability @muumimafia @fanastywhump @elisabethrosewrites @unsure-but-alive-752 @jeverest00 @texdoeshalo @fanmanga1357-blog

Thank you guys so much for your support, putting up with my questions at weird hours, and being excited about my characters: @0idril0 @rosesareviolentlyread @walkingchemicalfire

TW: Intubated whumpee

V***V

Markus isn’t quite sure when he wakes up the first time. Isn’t actually sure if he’s even really conscious. He’s aware, but the world is muted. It feels like early color TV, the hues not quite right and turning into an oversaturated mess the more he tries to force it. So he doesn’t, he stops struggling, just lets everything come back in stages.    

His hearing comes back online first.

He hears the steady whoosh, gurgle, and hiss of medical equipment. The occasional urgent toned beep of a IV drip. The soft rustling and hushed voices of people doing their best to be quiet while shoving all of their worry and care into a box.

It’s all muffled and distorted through the cocktail of heady drugs in his system. The sounds swirl, clinging too long to his eardrums before slipping away to nothing. It’s disorienting, confusing, and he welcomes each wave of quiet that surges up to take away the noise.  

There’s a growing anxiety that’s sitting heavily in his chest, but it’s not quite reaching him. Leaving him to teeter on the edge, giving him a hard place to fall with any gentle nudge.

Time flows syrupy slow, and it feels like he fades down back toward unconsciousness and up again before anything else becomes relevant. But, eventually, he becomes aware of his body too. He’s numb in the way that means that he’s on the heavy duty kind of drugs, administered correctly so that his pain is far away. Like the anxiety, the fear, the pain is just waiting on him to acknowledge it so that it can take over.

So.

He does his best to ignore it. To float in this absence of pain.

It’s better.

He doesn’t want to think about better than what, he just knows that it’s better.

So he focuses on anything other than the pain. He’s sunk into the softness of the mattress beneath him. The slightly harder cushion of pillows under his side and shoulder. The rhythmic compression and release around his lower legs, the not-painful pressure almost comforting, so much like a kind touch that he hasn’t had in what feels like years.

He almost feels cradled—safe—as something clicks on and warm air curls around his limbs and envelops him. He floats there, up and down, darkness closing over his head in staggering intervals as his body fights its way through the sedation.

It’s quiet, peaceful, for a while, real, deep sleep engulfing him and blotting out the awareness that his body has painstakingly been building up.

He wakes up again, not knowing how long has passed, not really remembering being awake at all. The world is still soft and liquid, slipping through his fingers faster the harder he tries to hold on to it, so he lets it go. Soaks in the myriad of conflicting and confusing sensations.

Time is skewed, but Markus is just starting to struggle with the thinning line between the numbness of his body and the morass of pain when the quiet clack of a curtain moving disturbs the quiet, the heavier tread of boots on hospital tile joining with the hiss-thunk of one of the machines. The sounds swirl around him, swimming up and burbling through thick water.

There’s a lingering silence as Markus feels the weight of this new person’s gaze on his lax limbs. An instinctive fear of the unknown bubbles up in his chest, and suddenly, he feels exposed. Vulnerable. At the mercy of a stranger when he doesn’t remember what mercy is anymore.

Viscerally, his body recalls harsh hands that pushed and pulled at his defenseless body. Hurt him, took advantage of his weakness, callously disregarded him as anything other than an inconvenience.  

The silence lasts until there’s a heavy sigh, and the clatter of metal and plastic on tile. The blankets shift, and there’s pressure around his hand, the artificial, sticky feeling of latex that manipulates his limp fingers.  

He gets nothing from that pressure other than the sensation of another person touching him without his permission. Desperately, Markus wants the simple comfort of someone holding his hand, that yearning striking a cord deep down, buried under the lingering fear and terror, reminding him of safety and home. But this touch is nothing but latex and a firmly artificial barrier between him and whatever supernatural sense he could gather of this person, leaving him with nothing other than the primal desire to curl into and away from the touch at the same time.

But.

It doesn’t matter what he wants. He’s still far from being able to move, even if he wanted to. Divorced from his flesh, only able to suffer and exist inside of it.

His soul cries out for safety, for someone, anyone, to hear him and take him home.

Something tickles the side of his face, and the person next to him shifts, another latex soft touch brushing over his cheek bone, feeling wet and cold.  His hair is gently stroked, and the touch settles over the top of his head. The pressure around his hand tightens briefly, “Markus? Can you hear me, sugar?”

The voice registers, but it’s muffled, the words whisked away just as he’s comprehending them. The sound and the touch though anchor him out of the soupy mire his consciousness has become, but he can’t really respond, doesn’t want to respond. The person doesn’t push, just hums, shushing him nonsensically.

“Alright, sugar, alright,” the low voice rumbles, the words coming tentative and slow, “I know you’re still sleepin’, but David told me that you were tolerating the lowered sedation this time. That maybe a little more of what we’re sayin’ will start stickin’ with ya.” Soft, soothing patterns are drawn into the cold skin at the back of his hand. “Catrina told me not to, uh. . . not to overwhelm you, not to talk about any heavy stuff, just to try and get you to respond, ya know?” A thick, huffed laugh. “She’s kinda terrifying, doesn’t put up with any a’ us trying to bully her for information. So, I’m. . . I’m just gonna hold your hand, and you squeeze when you’re ready, okay?”  

The man clears his throat roughly, and the pressure around his hand leaves for the rasp of what sounds like days old stubble, and Markus feels an unexpected, surprising burst of warm affection.  An absent thought tiptoed its way across his muzzy consciousness, there and gone moments later: Clint never did like to cry.

The voice—god, it’s familiar, so fucking familiar—quiets for a while, and Markus is so exhausted. He drifts, pulled down by growing fatigue and thickening tendrils of pain. Maybe he slips down into actual sleep again, but the next time he’s aware there’s another voice filling the room.

“—seems kind of distressed.”

“Yeah, I hit the call button just before you came in, Catrina should be here in a second.”

“Good, good, he probably just needs them to check his drip, maybe increase it a little. It’s not easy to titrate these meds.”

He’s too confused, overwhelmed to realize how tense he’s become, to feel the way that his brows have gathered together, the way the muscles in his arms and torso have tightened, or the way that his lungs have started to fight against the tube in his throat.

His chest and throat are sending him urgent messages that there’s something wrong, the intrusion of something hard and unyielding that isn’t supposed to be there making him move automatically. Clumsily, he reaches for whatever is making him hurt, uncoordinated limbs heavy and unwieldy.

“Woah, hey, heyheyhey—” he’s intercepted, and Markus flinches from the gentle restraints as they pull his hands away , “—don’t do that, sugar.”

“Markus, can you hear me, buddy?” The pressure around his hand tightens, cold latex rubbing over his knuckles. “Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”

Reflexively, he tries to pull away from the restraints, ignoring the request as his heart gives a discordant thump at the whistle of anxiety thrumming through his chest. He stiffens at the brief flash of real pain through his system, muscles protesting as he begs silently for release. Please, please no. He can’t stand the thought of being held down again, being helpless. But even that small of a movement seems to push concrete through his veins, and he doesn’t know if it’s the fatigue weighing him down or the way the others slowly, gently push his hands back to bed that has him settling.

“Shhh, okay, okay,” his shoulder is engulfed by a soft touch, the deeper voice continuing to soothe him, “you’re okay. Markus, can you open your eyes? It’s Evan and Clint, we’d really like to see you, yeah?”

Clint? Evan? It can’t be. . . He wants to see his friends so badly it hurts, even worse than the building ache in his body, but his eyelids must weigh a hundred pounds. He feels the build up of tears behind his eyelids, the heavy droplets slipping free without permission. Please, please be here. . .

“Fuck, Markus,” one of the voices whispers, cracking over his name, a sniffle accompanying it, “Clint, where’s Catrina? I think he’s hurting pretty bad.”

“I’m gonna go see if I can find her, maybe Olivia’s available. I’ll be right back.” There’s the rush of displaced air, sudden coolness of his skin, but Markus’s weak attention is drawn back by the other’s calming voice.

“Okay, buddy, we’re gonna get you taken care of, alright? It’s Evan, Markus, I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? I promise.”

Markus wanted to sob. He wanted it to actually be his friend so, so much, he remembered how he’d prayed for his friends but they’d never come. His face creased as a wave of pain rolled through him, teeth clamping down around whatever was in his throat. He heard a muted curse, “Fuck this.”

There was the snap of latex, warmth cupping his cheek, and then the overwhelming sense of Evan had Markus drawing from some reserve of energy that he didn’t even know he had. He turned into the palm against his face, fighting his eyelids until they lifted, light and shapes crossing his vision in a blur, and he heard a wet gasp. “Oh my god, hey,” a calloused thumb swiped over the apple of his cheek, smearing the tears across his skin, “hey, buddy, I’m here, you’re safe, okay?”

He blinked sluggishly, taking too long to reopen his eyes, but he finally found a modicum of focus as he took in the image of one of his best friends. He was still blurred, but the salt and pepper of Evan’s hair was visible over the blue of the mask covering the lower half of his face. He didn’t need to make out the details to know his friend now anyway, the skin contact lighting up parts of his magic not used in months. It was enough to push the pain back momentarily, dulling to a hum rather than a roar.

Evan’s other hand closed back around Markus’s, squeezing gently. “Can you understand me, Markus? Squeeze my hand if you can understand me.”

Slowly, his fingers closed around Evan’s, and he heard his friend give a shuddering gasp as Markus blinked slowly again. There was a rush of movement behind Evan, and the other man turned slightly. “He’s conscious and responsive.”

A startled exclamation, and another broad shouldered figure appeared in front of him, leaning over him. Markus drug his glassy stare over, not quite focusing as even these little movements drained whatever energy he’d gathered. “Hey, hey, sugar,” his free hand was scooped up between two latex covered paws, “God, it’s good to see you awake.”

“Take your gloves off,” Evan ordered, “skin contact seems to help. His vitals dropped back down, too.”

The figure did as he was bid, and Markus shuddered, eyelids dropping as relief and the safety of Clint flooded through him.  “Fuck,” Clint whispered, voice broken. As well as he could, Markus drifted his thumb across Clint’s hand, and heard a startled exhale that turned into a shaky, surprised laugh. The relieved joy of his friends was bright, buoying him in reality as it curled up in his chest.

Even with the safety of both of his friends surrounding him, the pain came back with a crescendoing wave. He tensed again, eyebrows pulling together as he shifted minutely. God, my chest hurts, it hurts. A few more tears slipped free, and he tugged weakly at Evan’s hand.

“You hurting, buddy?” He squeezed Evan’s hand, and he heard the entire room shift as Evan gave some sort of signal.

“And that’s where I come in,” a friendly, warm voice interjected, coming closer as Clint released his hand. The impersonal feeling of latex took his friend’s place, and Markus was terrified again. Clint, please don’t let him, please. There was a starburst of panic, and Evan hissed in surprise. The beast master’s hand snapped from Markus’s face in time with a sound of alarm from the faceless entity as the latex was pulled away.

“Sorry, doc,” Evan chuckled lowly, “if you’d felt what I just did, you woulda done the same. Gloves, you’ll understand in a second, trust me.”

There was another snap of latex, and a new, slightly cool hand slid into his own. The sense of deep caring and logic accompanied the doctor’s surprised inhale. “HooKay, that’s new.”

Markus relaxed slowly as he felt the other man’s alarm turn into curiosity and concern, but nothing malicious, as Evan explained. “His magic’s coming back. He’s always been extremely empathic, normally has great control of what you sense from him, but in this circumstance. . .” he trailed off with a sigh, bringing his hand back to brush through Markus’s hair.

“Alright then, no more gloves if we can help it,”  the other man’s friendly voice turned back to Markus, taking the news in stride. “Markus, can you open your eyes for me?” His tone was authoritative, but gentle, and Markus did his best to obey as a thumb dragged across his skin.

He only saw a bright sliver of light before his heavy lids became too much. Instead, Markus managed to tighten his hand minutely. That was easier for some reason, he didn’t have to try and make sense of the room, could focus on the safety net Evan provided. His friend hadn’t let go of his hand, the warmth of Evan’s skin warming Markus’s even with his poor circulation.

“Okay, Markus, I understand. Can you squeeze my hand again if you’re in pain?”

His fingers twitched, but Markus’s brain was becoming fuzzy on stress hormones, mired in the negative sensations. His lungs felt sticky, like his heart was turning over in his chest. “Okay, yeah, that heart rate is getting elevated again,” the voice was distant in a way that told him he wasn’t being addressed, “Catrina, let's give him one time dose of 50 mcg fentanyl, intravenous, and he can have an as needed dose of 25mcg every hour, if that’s not enough call me. Monitor for how he continues to tolerate the vent.” The voice came back to address him, “Markus, hang on just a second, okay?”

Evan’s hand swept down to drag the back of his knuckles across the side of his face, the touch exactly what he’d been begging for for months. “Go back to sleep, buddy, we’ll be here when you wake up again.”

“You’re not alone anymore, brother.” Clint’s voice trickled in as a wash of cold flowed over his chest, black swallowing up his lingering consciousness. “I promise.”

[in-class-daydreams]

Cherry Blossom | Daichi Sawamura x Reader Oneshot

- Pairing: Daichi Sawamura x Reader One Shot 

Word Count: ~ 4600

Genres: Fluff, slight angst, unrequited feelings

CW: Self-deprecating inner thoughts, implied anxiety

Summary: (Y/N), a third year attending Karasuno High School, spirals into confusion as she begins to develop feelings for a certain childhood friend. 

2: 26

‘Are you kidding me?’

The day was already going by extremely slow for (Y/N), and she definitely was not having a good one either. She slept past her alarm until about 20 minutes before class started. In a rush, she attempted to make toast, which she somehow managed to burn, which meant on her sprint to school she had to eat some crusty, burnt ass toast and try not to choke on it. Yum! On top of that, all her lectures throughout the day have been painstakingly slow, and that didn’t improve her mood one bit.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a hand slip a small piece of paper onto her desk.

“What’re you doing after class today?”

Judging from the handwriting, (Y/N) knew it was from Yui-chan, who, just like (Y/N), could not care less about the titration process.

Discreetly, she wrote and responded back to her note, “Photoshoot. Houka-san said it’ll be on campus today,” and quickly passed it back to her.

After multiple exchanges, the teacher was finally cut off by the bell. At last, they could escape this hellhole known as school. As she packed up her supplies into the bookbag, she felt a hand on top of her head, ruffling her hair. Immediately, she knew who it was.

“Ah! Daichi! Stop it! I have a photoshoot soon, you’ll mess up my hair!”

“What do you mean? It still looks the same,” the boy smiled back. (Y/N) could only look back at him back with the most deadpan expression. Well, she was actually looking up at him quite a bit. She was by no means short, but in comparison to the tall volleyball player, she was definitely on the shorter side.

“Where were you this morning? I waited for you at the usual spot, but you weren’t there.” Daichi asked.

“Overslept. It was a nightmare honestly.” (Y/N) responded while attempting to clear her memory of the chaotic mess that she was that morning.

“Oh? The flawless and perfect (Y/N)-senpai had a stumble getting ready?” Daichi grinned teasingly, with obvious sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Shut up, I’m human too,” she snapped back. “Don’t you have practice soon? You don’t want to be late now, do you, Captain?”

“Suppose not,” he said before facing the other girl standing off to the side, “Ah Michimiya-san, I was going to talk to you about the gym schedule for next week.”

Yui had an obvious flush on her face, and was struggling to get the right words out, let alone look him in the eyes. (Y/N) mercifully suggested that the three of them walk to practice together, so they won’t be late.

‘Hopefully, that’ll give her more time to collect herself and talk to him.”

With all her stuff collected, she went and changed into the bathroom to get ready for the photoshoot. After brushing and styling her hair that Daichi had ruined, she quickly walked out to the cherry blossom trees by the gym to meet up with her photographer.

“My apologies, Houka-san, I got caught up in something.”

“It’s alright (Y/N)-san. Please don’t be late next time. I’m on a strict schedule after all,” she sighed irritatingly, “Now, shall we get started?”

“Ah yes, of course. It won’t happen again,” she sheepishly apologized.

After getting herself together, (Y/N) felt immense ease. Being near the cherry blossoms had always comforted her. Maybe it had something to do with the aesthetic of it, but a lot of it had to do with the lasting memories that came along with it.

~~

Thirteen Years Ago : Age 6

(Y/N) woke up in an unfamiliar room. She sat herself upright, and took a look around the room. Bandages everywhere, a single stool, and a desk with a file folder.

‘Right, I fell asleep in the nurse’s office’

Her mom, being a teacher, told (Y/N) to go take a nap in the nurse’s office while she finished things inside the classroom. She would eventually go wake her up when she was done, or if the young girl woke up early, she could go to her classroom instead.

After straightening herself up, she opened the door and walked down the unfamiliar hallway. The only thing she remembered was that her mother had told the young child her classroom was in a different building. Naturally, she walked outside the building only to realize she didn’t specify which building it was in.

‘Ah shoot.’

Wandering around the large campus only drained the poor girl, and (Y/N) was suddenly overwhelmed with panic that accompanied her with her failure to find her mother’s classroom.

Tears couldn’t help but form in the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall any second now. She ran around the corner, now tears rolling down her face.

With her eyes facing the floor, half closed, and half visible from her hands wiping away her tears, she ran into a wall...or what she thought was a wall.

She looked up to find a boy, with jet black hair who looked to be about her age, looking down at her with a worried expression.

“Hey, you okay? What happened?” he asked.

The tears stopped flowing down her face, and she stood up to reach eye-level to the boy.

“N-no, I don’t know where my mom’s classroom is and I’m lost”

“Here I can help you find it!” The boy replied cheerfully, “I’m Daichi Sawamura by the way. What’s your name?”

“(Y/N) (L/N)”

“(L/N)-chan, we can go look for her classroom together! My dad works as a teacher here too, so I know my way around here pretty good”

Before she could respond, Daichi grabbed her hand and led her away from the cherry tree they were standing under moments ago. Something about him told her that she could trust him without any concern, and she was right.

(Y/N) learned a lot about him while he was leading her. She found out his favorite colour is orange, came to this school everyday after school to wait for his dad to finish work, and that he loved volleyball. After a few minutes, they entered a building filled with different classrooms, and managed to find the right classroom.

“Ah, thank you for the help, Daichi-kun”

“No problem. Say, wanna meet by that cherry tree tomorrow too?”

Little did she know that it would end up being a daily routine to meet there.

~~

The photoshoot ended smoothly, and that edition of the magazine she was shooting for was scheduled to be released sometime within the next month. Nowadays, it wasn’t uncommon to see her pictures on the front cover of popular magazines displayed at stores. Since the beginning of this year, her popularity as a model had skyrocketed beyond anybody’s expectations for someone who rarely posted on her social media. Well, that changed quite a bit after her career took off.

Normally, she would wait for Daichi to be done with practice so they could walk home together, but seeing that she would have to wait an extra 45 minutes or so, she started walking to the gym. Cracking the door open slightly, and seeing the coast was clear, she walked towards the back until a round object was flying towards her at an alarming rate.

Bam! A volleyball slammed into the wall beside her.

‘Phew, barely missed me.’ She looked up after receiving a mild shock, and everyone on the court had their eyes on the mysterious girl who just walked in.

‘Well, so much for sneaking in,’ she mentally slapped herself.

“NOYA-SAN! LOOK! (Y/N)-SENPAI’S HERE!”

“WHAT?!? (Y/N)-SENPAIIIIIIII!”

The two very energetic boys flung themselves at her, and before she could move out of the way, two strong arms held them back mid-jump.

“Oi, knock it off you two,” Daichi scolded. “(Y/N), I thought you said you had a photoshoot. Why are you here?”

“It went really well, so I ended early, and I figured I’d wait for you in here,”

“You could’ve just gone home--”

“Daichi, I’m not gonna break tradition because I ended early--”

As their bickering continued, the first years, particularly the one with some orange hair asked nobody in particular, “Who’s that pretty senpai punching Daichi-san?”

“That’s (Y/N)-chan. She and Daichi have been childhood friends.” A pure angel, by the name of Sugawara, was happy to satisfy his kohai’s curiosity, before mumbling, “though he should really do something about being friends,”

After facing a barrage of punches from (Y/N), Daichi finally got back to practice while she sat on the benches scrolling through her feed and managing her account. Her recent post was filled with support from her fans anticipating her next magazine release, as well as some hate comments, particularly about her age and looks. But honestly, they were irrelevant wimps that had to bully people from behind a keyboard to feel good about themselves, so it never really bothered her too much.

Before she knew it, Daichi’s practice had ended, and she didn’t even notice him get changed and coming back to pick her up. It wasn’t super dark, but having Daichi with her definitely helped her feel reassured, though she could easily fight off a couple people if needed. Regardless, the dim lights added to the comfortable silence as they continued to walk to their houses.

(Y/N) was the first to break the silence, “Hey Daichi,”

He hummed a quiet, “Hmm?” as he continued to look forward.

“Did things go well with Yui-chan earlier? You didn’t scare her off or something did you?” she joked light-heartedly.

“What? I didn’t think I scared her off? Maybe I did on accident?” he began to think about all his interactions with her because God forbid if it was his fault that’s causing tension between them. “You’re probably right though. I don’t think she likes me all that much, or at least she’s uncomfortable around me. I’ve talked to her on multiple occasions because of volleyball, but every time I get the same vibe from her...maybe I did something to offend her… Why? Did she say something about it?”

‘I guess the saying is true. Men are oblivious as fuck.’

“Oh no, I haven’t seen her after she left with you. I was just wondering because you know--”

“Because..?” Daichi stopped for a second to face her.

(Y/N) had to think about it for a second. She remembered Yui-chan’s request from a couple days ago that she couldn’t decline.

~~

“(Y/N), please! You know him really well! I just get flustered really easily around him, but he’s just so sweet! I really like him, can you please help me get noticed by him?” Yui pleaded. Her eyes were filled with genuinity, and after seeing that, there was no way she could say no to her.

~~

“--because I actually think it might be the opposite of what you think.” (Y/N) chose her words carefully, “if anything, I think she’s getting flustered because she really admires you, you know?”

“Really? You think so?”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed. ‘And she’s not the only one,’

“Ah well, I mean, I know that feeling. I have for a while actually,” he stated awkwardly. Daichi was not one to express his feelings, so this came across as a big shock to (Y/N), for this was the first time he had ever said anything along the lines of romance.

This time, she was the one to stop suddenly, and before she could process her thoughts, Daichi interrupted her to let her know they’ve reached her house. After quickly saying goodbye, (Y/N) walked up before heading to bed with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

~~

The next day was filled with confusion in (Y/N)’s mind and heart. Her mind was confused because she did not understand one bit as to what the teacher was talking about, but her heart was left aching the entire day. After what Daichi said last night, she couldn’t bring herself to see him. If anything, it caused her to actively avoid him throughout the day. In the years that she’s known him, he’s never brought up his romantic feelings towards someone.

‘Do I like Daichi?’ she asked herself. She slapped both hands to her cheeks, ‘That’s not possible! I’ve known him for a long time, and he’s my best friend! It’s not like that! ...right?’

Yet, simultaneously, the idea of him being with another girl left her feeling queasy. As much as she loved Yui-chan and wanted the best for her, the idea of Daichi being hers gave her an ugly feeling inside that she quite disliked.

‘Will Daichi leave me then? I know he’s not the type to do that, but what if I’m wrong? If it’s Yui-chan that he likes, will she need me afterwards? What if they decide they only need each other, and I go back to being unapproachable?’

She knew that these negative thoughts weren’t true. (Y/N) knew better than to doubt her friends. If anything, she should be grateful that they’re by her side. After all, they don’t treat her like she’s on a pedestal. She was aware that being somewhat “famous” gave people a different perception towards her, but Daichi and Yui-chan still treated her as if she’s still a high school student, not a magazine model, and for that she was greatly appreciative towards them. But with that preciousness comes with the greater fear of loss. Before she could go off on her own tangent, she was interrupted by Yui-chan.

“-N),(Y/N). Class is over. Are you okay? You looked like you were spacing out for a bit?” Yui asked, concerningly, after the girl failed to respond to the bell ringing, and to her continuous (and aggressive) waving. The poor girl looked like she was about to break down from panicking seeing that her attempts to get her friend’s attention were failing.

“O-oh, I guess I’m just a little out of it today.” A familiar sense of fatigue and guilt pained her after seeing her best friend falling apart right in front of her eyes.

‘Clearly, there’s no need to explain the whole truth, right? If I do Yui is going to freak herself out’

“Did something happen between you and Sawamura-kun?” Yui asked innocently.

The sound of his name made her hesitate and shift in her seat. Yui, aware of how she acts when something bothers her, knew that it had to have been just that. Giving her time, Yui waited before (Y/N) responded.

“We were walking home yesterday, and we talked about you,” she started carefully, and glancing over to her friend, it was no surprise to see her eyes filled with anticipation, ready to hear what she would say next. “I didn’t say explicitly that you liked him, but rather you admire him, and with your personality, it could be a little harder for you to be open right away. It came up because he thought you didn’t like him, so I just assured him that wasn’t the case. Then he said something that I’ve never really heard him talk about. He said that he also had that feeling towards someone.”

She looked over once again, Yui, clearly at this point looked like she was going to explode. “I’m not sure who he's referring to, but I figured it’d be you. So, I’ve just been thinking about how to go about with what you’ve asked of me. But, I think it’s safe to say, you should talk to him more. To me it seems like the feeling is mutual between you two.”

She could’ve sworn she could’ve won an Oscar from that performance. To her, she showed no worries of avoiding the truth externally, quite contrary to the painful stabbing inside her chest with every word she breathed. What she said wasn’t completely untrue, but she hated how she couldn’t be open with how she felt. She trusted Yui with all her heart, but Yui’s happiness was more important in this case. Afterall, she didn’t want to destroy her relationship with Yui, and just decided to keep it to herself.

Contrary to how (Y/N) was feeling, her friend was clearly ecstatic. Her face just lit up with joy before jumping out of her seat to hug her friend.

“Thank you so much (Y/N)! You don’t know how much this means to me!” Yui beamed. All she could do was hug back in response.

After Yui left for practice, (Y/N) decided her heart had too much to handle for one day. For the first time since Kindergarten, she broke away from the “ritual,” and walked home alone without Daichi. Quite honestly, it was a weird sensation not having the boy next to her.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only day that this had occurred. Over the next couple days, she actively avoided Daichi, and continued to walk home without him.

After a few days, (Y/N) slipped on her outdoor shoes and started to head towards the school gates, once again, without the absence of Daichi. Even though days have passed, she still couldn’t get used to the feeling without him. All of a sudden, a large hand grabbed her wrist, stopping her from walking further. Right as she turned around, she saw the one person she didn’t want to see.

“D-daichi!”

‘Great’

He was clearly out of breath as if he had sprinted over to her. ‘Did he run over to me before I could leave?’

“(Y/N). I wanted to talk to you before you left,” he said firmly. The days without talking to him, hearing his voice was so soothing on her mind that momentarily she forgot why she was avoiding him in the first place. Snapping out of her trance, she tried to pull away from his arm to stop them from walking further, but Daichi kept a firm grip on her. She didn’t realize she was back at their usual meeting spot, underneath the cherry blossom tree.

“Daichi, let go of me. I have to leave, and you have practice,” she tried to reason.

“I know you don’t have anything after school today, and practice can wait. This is more important,” he replied, not once breaking eye contact. He was serious about this.

There was a quick pause before he started again, “(Y/N), what’s going on?”

Thump.

“N-nothing” she said weakly, looking away from him. She could feel his gaze on her, and he still never looked away.

“(Y/N), I’m just worried about you. Is everything okay? I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been avoiding me lately. Did I do something wrong to upset you?” he asked cautiously.

“I wasn’t avoiding you. I’ve been busy recently, and I wanted you to have time to sort out that feeling of admiration you have towards that person. It seemed like I was going to be holding you back, and I only just realized it after you said it that day.” Her voice was wavering, and she tried her best to keep her feelings in check. It certainly didn’t help that her heartbeat could be heard from miles away.

Thump. Thump.

“This was the first time you’ve ever said anything remotely related to romance, and I know you don’t talk about your feelings a lot. So I thought I would just be getting in your way. I mean, if there was a guy I liked, and I saw a girl around them constantly I would be pretty discouraged about my chances. And--”

Before she could even finish her rambling, she saw him walking closer towards her. She kept backing away slowly, only to be stopped by the cherry blossom tree behind her. Before she knew it, there was a warm,gentle feeling on her lips.

She froze.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Before she could process what was happening, he pulled away, and suddenly the distance between them grew bigger again. (Y/N) stood there looking like a dumbfounded idiot, unsure what to do, but mostly in shock trying to figure out what just happened.

“D-daichi...you, uh, uhm--” she sputtered.

“The girl that I feel admiration for wasn’t Michimiya-san. It’s you. It’s always been you, (Y/N). These last couple days without you near me, or by my side, it’s been so painful. I’ve missed you. You know you mean a lot to me, right. More than I could even tell you.”

“Daichi, I-” she composed herself. She finally looked him in the eyes, and noticed his face was clearly flushed. Oddly enough, that reassured her quite a bit in the moment.

“I don’t need an answer now, (Y/N). But, I just really needed you to know, and whatever you decide, I respect your decision. For all I know, things might change between us, but just know that whatever happens, I’ll still be there for you, always.”

Moments after, silence filled the air, and Daichi took that as his cue to excuse himself, and save himself from making the situation even worse. He shuffled his feet a little bit and glanced up at the girl before he headed towards the gym, only to stop momentarily to look back at her before ultimately deciding to leave her to her thoughts.

‘Oh my god. Daichi and I--!’

That kiss just confirmed that yes, she felt the same as Daichi, and she’s always liked him. That provided some relief for her knowing that his feelings weren’t towards Yui--

‘Oh no--Yui-chan… What am I going to tell her? Should I tell her? Yes, I should, she deserves to know.’

Shortly after, she decided the sooner she tells Yui, the better it will be for everybody.

To: Yui-chan [3:46 pm]: Yui-chan, after practice can we talk? Meet up at StarDollar at 6?

From: Yui-chan [3:47 pm]: Yup, see you then!

~~

6:00 pm

(Y/N) sat nervously at the cafe table waiting for Yui to show up. She got a latte to try and calm herself a little bit before telling her the truth. Seconds later, Yui walked into the shop scanning the room before her eyes landed on her friend, and walked over to her.

“Yui-chan,” (Y/N) started, “I’m sorry for calling you out here last minute, especially right after practice too.”

“Oh no it’s okay. I thought it might’ve been a little serious judging from your tone and all. Is everything okay?” Yui asked, hesitantly.

“Yeah. No. Not really.”

Yui, let her friend collect her thoughts before (Y/N) began to speak again.

“Yui, you have to know how much you mean to me. And I want to apologize for being a terrible friend, and letting this happen,” tears were starting to form in (Y/N)’s eyes. “Today, Daichi confessed to me.”

Silence.

At this point, the tears in her eyes were falling. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend’s eyes. She didn’t want to see the face of hurt and betrayal in her precious friend’s eyes. That was, until she left a pair of warm hands wrap around hers.

“(Y/N), you’re not a terrible friend. If you really were, I don’t think you would’ve told me this. In fact, I’m really grateful you trust me enough to tell me this,” she said with a smile on her face.

(Y/N) couldn’t tell exactly what her friend was feeling. She wasn’t mad? Was she beyond pissed, and this was all she could say out of courtesy?

“(Y/N), thank you for telling me this.”

“You’re not pissed?”

“Pissed? No. A little heartbroken? Yes. But I already knew somewhere deep down that the person he admired wasn’t me. I’ve known it was you all along. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and how his face brightens whenever he’s with you. I’ve also seen it with you. If anything, I’ve been the terrible friend. I knew that you two liked each other in some way, but I was being selfish, and I asked you a request that I never should’ve.”

‘I guess then not to make these worse, I might have to reject Daichi. Then that means everything goes back to the way it used to be, right?’

“(Y/N), I know you’re thinking of rejecting Daichi-”

‘Damn it, how did she read my mind?’

“Don’t. I know I shouldn’t tell you what to do, but it seems to me like you two like each other mutually. There’s nothing wrong with accepting a confession from someone you like.”

“But Yui--”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” she gave a small reinforced smile to try and prove some assurance for her emotional friend.

“Yui...thank you,” (Y/N) said as she pulled Yui in for a hug.

“Anytime. I’d never let a man come between our friendship. You mean so much more to me than some guy.” she replied, returning the hug.

After leaving as emotional wrecks from StarDollar, (Y/N) felt some sort of relief inside her. For sure, she felt bad for Yui having to deal with this outcome, but also extremely grateful that she wasn’t willing to jeopardize their friendship.

~~

The next day, (Y/N) woke up feeling a lot more refreshed. Maybe even empowered? She strode to class with an aura of fresh air, and Yui definitely seemed to take notice.

“Good morning (Y/N)!” Yui greeted.

“Good morning Yui!”

“Are you planning on returning his feelings to Sawamura-san soon?” Yui questioned.

“Yeah, I’m planning to do it after his practice today. I have another photoshoot today, but timings should work out if everything goes well,”

“Nice! Good luck (Y/N), you’ve got this!”

The rest of the day flew by quickly, and even the photoshoot went by a breeze. She quickly made it over to the gym where the boys’ volleyball team would be practicing and burst open the doors.

“DAICHI!”

Everyone turned towards her. The tall boy with freckles literally jumped in his spot.

‘Whoops. I’ll apologize to the team later.’

“(Y/N)?” Daichi inquired, “what’re you doing here?”

“Daichi, can we talk? Please?” she pleaded. Before he could answer, she turned to the team behind him, bowing. “Sorry guys, I’ll be borrowing your captain for a moment.” She took Daichi by the arm and dragged him out of the gym.

“It’s about time ‘friends’ became something more,” Sugawara muttered to himself.

Outside, (Y/N) walked towards the cherry blossom where Daichi had confessed to her. Daichi was quite honestly, frozen with shock after being suddenly removed from yelling at the simpletons for going crazy again.

“Daichi-” (Y/N) she started, and his attention snapped back to her, “Daichi, I thought a lot about what you said yesterday, and I have my answer.”

“(Y/N) if you need more time then--” he was cut off.

“Daichi, you mean the world to me. You treat me like (Y/N), the high school student, your childhood best friend, like a normal person, not like someone who’s placed upon a pedestal. That itself means so much to me. But it’s not only that. Daichi, I realized, when I started walking home by myself, my life is so different without you. It’s so boring, so dreadful. You bring joy into my life with just by being near me. And for that, I’m forever grateful.”

“(Y/N)-” his words were cut off this time with another familiar warm feeling.

She placed her lips on his, slightly hesitant at first, and Daichi, hesitant because he couldn’t believe this was happening to him. For years, this was only a mere dream, or fantasy of his, but it was becoming a reality.

After separating, Daichi pulled her into a warm embrace. Her head rested on his chest, and his arms wrapped around her like a protective shield (back off peeps lmaoooo).

This moment was quickly ruined by the rustling in the bushes, followed by the boys’ volleyball team jumping out and yelling in pure joy.

“About time Daichi!”

“Our captain is such a man!”

“(Y/N)-senpai isn’t single anymore, but she’s in the hands of someone trustworthy!”

“Noya-san! That was so deep!”

Fin.

~~

(A/N): This was the first one-shot I’ve ever written, so I hope it turned out okay :)

Special thanks to Apprentice Admin Strawberry-Chan and Mango-Chan for helping me edit this !

- Admin Kiwi-Chan

[burlybanner]

Drip (ScienceBrosWeek, 2019)

Second verse, same as the first.

Summary: Peering deep into the rabbit hole carries serious penalties.

Disclaimer: Again, this is different from my usual style and I’m not sure where this story is going. So I’m not sure when I’ll continue. But keep me honest; it’ll happen eventually.

Unbeta’d, same ol’ song.

Part 1 here. **

The ride down should’ve frightened Bruce more than it did. Maybe he was dissociating because it reminded him of too many things. Down, down they went. When he looked up, the opening from the ceiling shrank as they descended into the dark, the lips of the opening closing as slowly as they sank. But Bruce was more curious than anything; Clint had pressed one of the three buttons near his hip, but continued to flip through his magazine as if he could care less about his passengers. How could he see in the growing dark? Maybe he didn’t care; maybe that was part of his job, to appear unassuming. 

He heard a sudden clank with the hydraulic elevator hum, and eerie pops and pings ramped his anxiety. Seconds passed before he noticed strings of  industrial fairy lights waking up, welcoming them as they plunged into the deep. His anxiety flickered with the bulbs, ebbing and flowing as they pulsed on the dank dolostone like lightning bugs. He’d always liked lightning bugs. He hadn’t seen any in years; he wondered if they still existed. 

“Hey. You with me?”

Tony’s voice, although a whisper, still echoed against the slick walls. Drips of karst water fell off the sides and disappeared into the ether. Somewhere in the distance he heard a drip-drip-kerplunk, another forgotten echo in a forbidden cavern.

“Always,” Bruce spat out, but Tony fumbled for his fingers anyway. It was just enough to shock him, something he loved and hated.

The platform screeched. Bruce wasn’t sure why he’d thought they’d be in some  techo marvel of an elevator, like ones in the movies. He also didn’t think they’d be in some ridiculously slow mine elevator, either.

“Okay,” Clint finally said. The elevator rattled, bouncing to a stop. “First floor, ladies.”

“Really?” 

“I call ‘em as I see ‘em.” Tony rolled his eyes as Clint turned a key and pressed another elevator button. The button glowed, maybe reading his thumbprint - hell, what did he know - and the gate squawked open. “This is where you get off.” Clint chuckled.

“I swear, Barton--”

“Sorry. But hey, it’s boring today. A guy’s gotta have fun wherever he can find it.”

“Never mind.” Tony didn’t seem too put out but he grabbed Bruce’s hand tighter and dragged him from the lift before it slowly ascended to heaven, with Clint safely tucked inside. Bruce blinked. He hadn’t seen the small bridge until now. A small walking bridge, joining the lift platform to another section of the cave. 

“We’re gettin’ there.”

“Mm.” One foot. Two feet. Three--

“Hey. Can you do one more elevator?”

“Sure.”

He accidentally peered over the sides of the bridge before they were done walking; it was a long way down. A very long way. And Bruce wasn’t sure why Tony’s hand was so tight. He’d never grabbed his hand so tightly before. Wait, no. He had. But--

Blinking, Bruce felt his heart rate slow down. The lights were brighter, calming now. “Hm. We’re in a normal elevator.”

“He lives,” Tony crowed. “Astute as always, Dr. Banner.”

“Fuck off,” Bruce said, but not unkindly. The new elevator was similar to the ones at Stark International, from what he could ascertain. Smooth ride. Very, very fast. He was used to these, and found them quite pleasurable. Soothing, even.

“How long was I--”

“A few minutes. Barely enough.”

Bruce’s gaze followed Tony’s arm. “And yet you’re still holding my hand.”

“Am I?” Tony smirked, untangling his fingers from Bruce’s. A bead of sweat formed near Bruce’s temple and dribbled down his neck, joining the other stains from earlier. 

“It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah. But to my credit, you haven’t dissociated like that in...?”

“Years.”

“But not months.”

“No. It’s better now.”

“Which is why I was holding your hand, to ground you.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Tony smiled but didn’t answer before the doors whooshed open. Bruce’s lips parted. People hustled in front of him holding stacks of paper. Phones rang. An admin yelled “please hold, I’ll transfer you” and someone else barked “coming through” while carrying a box of donuts and a jar of coffee. Florescent hums and its ugly glare over a white, gray, black decor. A typical day at the office and typical office workers. Except everyone wore black uniforms. Jumpsuits, really. Which would be less creepy if they didn’t mimic paramilitary organizations.

“Tony, what...Is this--”

Tony left the elevator and crooked a finger towards Bruce. He waited until Bruce joined him before announcing, “Welcome to SHIELD,” and bowing before him like it was some great honor. He could’ve just as well announced “Welcome to Sherwood Forest,” because the result would’ve been the same.

“SH...what?”

“C’mere. I’ll show you around. But stick close to me, yeah?” Tony purposely kept his steps slow as he weaved through the throngs, as if he’d done the very same thing countless times. Bruce’s eyes narrowed. Tony’d known about this place, been here. For a long time.

“Wait. Wait.” Bruce planted his feet, refusing to take another step. The office waltz around him took cues from Bruce’s stance and became quieter, less frenetic. Faces turned his direction and not all were welcoming. “What the hell is this, Tony? I can’t go with you.” He gestured wildly at the underground...lair? Villain’s castle? “Why the fuck am I here?”

Instantly Tony was beside him. Slinging an arm around his shoulders. Grounding him. “Sorry,” he murmured in Bruce’s ear. “Thought you’d break later.” Tony kept talking quietly but Tony’s body steered them from the crowds and towards another corner with less razzle-dazzle. Far less nonsense. 

Tony nodded to a door, off to the side;  the name Tony Stark was on the door.

Tony Stark, Assistant Director of SHIELD.

What?

“Shh,” Tony hushed, because he must’ve said it out loud. “C’mon, I’ll buy you a coffee. Tell you all about it inside.”

And Bruce went in because Tony told him to, and he’d always trusted him to this point. Tony wouldn’t steer him wrong. Couldn’t.

Tony’s arm was still around his shoulder but he somehow kicked open his door, leading Bruce into an office space barely half the size of what he had at SI yet still, somehow, intimidating. There was a small conference table surrounded by high end lounge chairs, abstract art on three walls with a heavy curtain covering the fourth, and a desk surrounded by two-shelf bookcases, straight from an episode of Mad Men.

“Sit,” Tony said, nodding to an overstuffed barrel chair beside one of the bookcases. 

Bruce did. He let out a happy groan as his backside plunged into bliss.

Satisfied, Tony turned to a high-end coffee maker. The room was also big enough for a decent mini bar, of course; Tony opted to rest his coffee maker on the mini bar counter, maybe as a joke. His two favorite things in the world, together. 

Two seconds later Bruce heard a hiss with a steady drip-drip-drip. He watched as a dark liquid titrated into a demitasse. 

Tony slid a saucer beneath the cup. “You still like cioccolotta calda, right?”

Bruce shrugged. “I did when we went to Italy, that one time. You, me, and Rhodey.”

“Well. This will remind you of our trip. Guaranteed.”

Bruce snorted while adapting to everything. The chair hugged him like it was made for his dad bod, and he let himself feel it. Let it pull him out of the red zone, and into the black. When he felt near zero he spied the plush sheepskin rug, several inches deep, surrounded his chair.

“Go on. I know you want to.”

Bruce toed off his shoes and let his socked feet comb through the rug’s fluffy furry goodness. He sighed softly. “Like it was--”

“--made for you?” Tony finished. He handed him the Italian hot chocolate. “Yeah. Kinda the point.”

“Tony--”

“Shit. Wait, don’t drink it yet.”

Bruce sighed again and let his feet flex across the sheepskin. He almost tasted his cocoa despite Tony, but Tony jiggled his hand.

“Sheesh. So goddamn impatient. What did I say?” He dropped a dollop of whipped cream - fresh whipped, it seemed - into Bruce’s cocoa. “Now you can drink it.”

Bruce did, and involuntarily moaned as the flavors danced on his tongue. 

“Yeah? See?” He grinned. “And they said it couldn’t be done.”

“Mm.” Bruce’s tongue darted to the corners of his lips, lapping up every stray drop of chocolate. He finished the cup, quietly placed the cup and saucer on the small bookshelf, folded his hands over his paunch, and let his head drape over the back of the chair. 

Sighing deeply, Bruce closed his eyes. “Will you level with me now? You’re buttering me up for whatever it is. I get it. And I’m as calm as I’ll ever get today, so you might as well spit it out.”

He didn’t get an answer right away, but he didn’t expect to.

“Stop playing games with me.”

“I’m not, I’m...” Tony huffed, and Bruce opened one eye, watching him pace the length of his office. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. That’s all.”

Bruce grunted. “So start with the small things. Like why you have a curtain on a wall with no windows.”

“Who said I don’t have windows?”

“Tony. We’re underground. At least a hundred meters, I imagine, if an operation like this is going on and no one’s noticed. But you have a curtain. Why the hell do you have a curtain, when there’s nothing to goddamn see?”

Tony laughed, probably the most genuine laugh he’d heard from him all day. A full out, head back laugh, and Bruce tiredly lifted his head. “Oh, Brucie,” Tony said. He chuckled a few times. “If that’s all you wanted to know, well. That’s easy.”

He toggled something under his desk - another fucking switch, Bruce thought sharply. He rolled his head over the back of the chair as the curtains slowly parted, not caring in the least for Tony’s “big reveal.”

“I’ve got one of the best views in the world.”

“Sure you do,” Bruce grunted. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat back up. “What could you possibly have that other rich bas...”

He stopped. Rubbed his eyes. Looked again. Then tripped to his feet and went to the very edge of the window. Tall waterfalls, lush grasses and dense jungle flora and fauna filled his view. The waterfall spilled into a subterranean lake, and from the lake’s current, Bruce guessed a river was in there somewhere, too.  

Eden. No, better than Eden.

“I...it’s beautiful.” Words failed him.

“Yeah, I think so.” Tony shuffled his feet. “I’ve got the best view in the house. I think there might be a few birds to the west of the falls,” he said, nodding to the window. “Dunno how they even got in, but whatever. Mi casa, and all that.”

Bruce gripped the glass, unable to drink it in fast enough. “How?” 

“You’ve heard of Sơn Đoòng cave?”

“Of course.”

“Well Dad found out, and wanted to recreate it. Make it ‘better’ or whatever. Not because he was an environmentalist, though. He wanted to prove he could it. And in America, no less.”

Bruce scowled, tearing away from the idyllic picture. “Stop lying to me. Hang Sơn Đoòng wasn’t discovered before the 90s.”

“Fine, then.” Tony nodded to the scene. “Explain that, Mr. Scientist.”

But Bruce couldn’t. Instead he pretended he wasn’t dreaming, hoped he wasn’t, even though it felt like it. He wanted, very badly, to take a nap somewhere in there. To get completely lost in it. “I can’t help thinking,” he murmured. He splayed his hands over the window, as if purifying his soul. If he could translate the beauty, bottle it, and drink it. He would be absolved. Completely, utterly absolved.

“I can’t help that, despite how beautiful this is, there’s a snake somewhere.” Bruce’s heart crumbled in ways he hoped wouldn’t. God, he could be so, so cynical but he was usually right. It’s what kept him alive so long. “Is this the reason you brought me here? I wish it was, I want it to be. I hope it is. But...it isn’t, is it?”

Tony slowly shook his head and smiled sadly. He dropped his gaze and fixed himself a drink. “Need you for more than the great views, buddy. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to add you to the roster. But we need you.”

Bruce swallowed and let himself view Eden, unspoiled, one last time before biting the apple of truth. “It never runs smooth, does it?”

“Nope.” Tony poured a shot of whiskey and gulped it down. “Never does.”