#like a middle child who’s used to being independent not really receiving the attention & affection that they needed as a child… | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

idaras · 2 years ago

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𝗱𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 : 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗮

a little birdy told me grace idara just moved to sunset hills . have you met them yet ? they look somewhere around twenty - three, if i had to guess ! pretty sure i heard them driving down the street playing daylight by harry styles , they sounded a little pitchy but they had the spirit ! must be their favorite or something . hey … it looks like they just moved into dusk drive . have you heard about what they do for a living ? someone told me they’re a grad student & vet tech , but who knows if that’s even true . guess we’re just gonna have to wait and see . nervous ? maybe you should be . sunset speaks just posted about them … apparently they're resident 010 ? between you and me , i think that might spark some things in the community … but what do i know ! you guys might get along just fine !

tl ; dr : no content warning necessary !

grace’s life is practically picture perfect — as the daughter of sunset hills’ beloved mayor , she’s held both the city and her father in the palm of her hand for as long as she can remember. it was blissful really , knowing she was the center of his world and thinking there was nothing that could happen to change that ; but this meant when things did change , she wouldn’t know the first step in how to cope . eventually her father chronically single father found love , causing the once small world between between the two of them to now have to be big enough to share between not only her new step - mother , but three new sisters ; which forced her to be left with less . it took some time ( and a lot of tears ) for her to finally settle in to her new family , first bonding with her sisters and then settling fire she created after being the step - daughter from hell to her step - mom . grace has healed , her family has healed , and to put it briefly — they all lived happily ever after .

STATS :

full name : grace idara

nickname : gracie

age : twenty - three

occupation : grad student & vet tech at paws and claws

living : dusk drive

birthplace : sunset hills born and raised !

PAST :

grace is the first and only biological daughter of her father , moses .

effectively she’s a “test tube” baby — moses wanted nothing more than to be a father so when he got got old he used a surrogate to give birth to his beautiful baby girl .

she’s always had everything she ever wanted — toys , clothes , books ; whatever she wanted ( and needed ) was there before she even really had to think about it too much .

her father worked hard to raise her with humility , in his eyes , spoiling a child wasn’t what raised them to be a brat — it was how they were parented .

there really isn’t too much to say about grace’s childhood , reflecting back on it even grace would agree that it was reminiscent of something that could be found in a sitcom.

as she got older , things began to change — her father became more involved in the political scene , taking more and more onto his plate which in turn ended up leaving less time for grace .

it wasn’t all bad , though she did miss the constant attention of her dad she liked the independence of it all , knowing that her dad trusted her to begin taking care of herself , which is a quality she knows other people with her upbringing don’t have .

things really began to shift when her single father found an object of affection that wasn’t his daughter .

grace’s dad started dating a woman when she was just entering her last year of middle school — making an already rough time in her life even worse when she began to realize she wasn’t the center of his world anymore . she grew jealous , bordering on hating the woman who would eventually become her step mother simply because she was taking the already lessened amount of attention she received from her father away from her .

it was hard for her , having to share the only love she’d known her entire life , and this lead her to resent her step-mother and her new family that came along with it .

going from the only child in a single parent household to now having a mother , a father and three sisters was nothing short of a culture shock for her ; she spent a lot of time alone in her room , pushing her new life away in what she now recognizes was denial .

she was unbelievably rude to her new family , ignoring them when they tried to speak to her , eating dinners upstairs in her room away from them and actively refusing to participate in any activity that involved spending more time with them than she needed to .

it took a long talk with her dad to get her to finally warm up — at first he was angry , telling grace that she was essentially sabotaging the life he had worked hard to bring them , but it was when she broke down in tears that both of them realized there had been a lack of communication between the two of them for longer than they’d want to admit .

that was when the healing process began , her father slowed down his political operations in order to make more time with his family and melding them into the close knit group they are today .

PRESENT :

grace left sunset hills for part of her journey into higher education , getting her bachelor’s degree at stanford ( in communications ) but returned to sunset hills after being accepted into s.h.u’s master’s program .

since she can’t currently fully work as a teacher , she makes her money by being a vet tech at paws and claws and with the occasional help of her father .

PERSONALITY :

just as mentioned earlier , grace was raised surrounded by humility and her down to earth nature is still something that she hopes to outwardly show on a daily basis .

she LOOVVESSS people , it’s always been relatively easy for her to make friends because she’s just so like friendly and bubbly and it’s hard to not smile when you’re around her . definitely an extroverted introvert , she loves going out and talking to anyone who will engage her BUT after a certain amount of time she knows she needs to go home and cuddle up with a book and a warm cup of tea for some alone time .

definitely has jealousy issues ( as can be seen by her having a literal meltdown when her father remarried ), in her mind it’s not really that much of a problem but when it gets bad it brings a lot of her insecurities to the surface .

she’s also one of those people who literally just does not know how to say ‘no’ , if anything it just makes her feel really guilty because she’s convinced she can be everything to everyone even though we all know that’s never the case — it makes it really easy for her kindness to get taken advantage of and though sometimes she can pick up on it she usually doesn’t and that’s where things go to shit .

despite being obnoxiously kind she’s not like … stupid LIKE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN LIEJFLSDFOUHF — she just …like she knows what it’s like to hurt and she knows that she hates feeling like that so she tries to avoid putting herself in those situations and she tries to like tell if someone’s like taking advantage of her but i can promise you she will only realize it when it’s too late and then will not say a word about it.

#⁺ 𓂋 𓈒 ♡ : about #sunsetintro

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lazycheesecakeee · 4 years ago

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Stray kids as love languages

Ok so I started thinking and that’s never good and somehow this got CHUNKY AF :))) But I hope you enjoy reading my messy thoughts about skz expressing love :)

Bang Chan

Giving: Gifts/Words of affirmation

Yeah SO… we all know how he always seems to always give the closest people to him, like everything, including the moon and a fucking rocket to the moon as well, and build it too, that before he gets anything at all? He is definitely a giver. He buys food, drinks, anything.

Anything you would accomplish, no matter how small would be an excuse for him to go out and buy you a meal and while you are there, if you only happen to glance at something twice, you already have it? Yeah you might feel bad and try to pay or say “stop giving me things all the time” but he would not stop and he would buy you the thing and shower you with praises for how well you did, even if you think it is not such a big deal.

You have a normal day when nothing happened? You go to the store together, he pays. He comes to visit you randomly. On the way he buys a flower and a random chocolate or a drink because he remembers somehow that you said you wanted to try it like 3 months ago. And the list never ends. He has a good sense for what people want too. So if you are close to him he gives you EVERYTHING. Showers of praises and all of his fucking money :)))) BOY HAS NO LIMITS.

Receiving: words of affirmation

Listennnn, as much as he gives and never stops, like NEVER. (Take his credit card away lmaoooo), when you acknowledge his little appreciations and thank him sweetly or give him a hug to let him know you are grateful, he gets immense satisfaction. I feel like he is the one to give but if he feels like he is used in the slightest he definetly cuts the rope short real FUCKING FAST.

I feel like he def is SUCH a sucker for appreciation and words of affirmation AND COMPLIMETS. He wants to feel needed and like his efforts are worth it. And giving him the verbal queue that his efforts don’t go unnoticed, that despite his busy schedule you appreciate the time with him, that his hard work and struggles to be the best are worth it, that the nights in the studio are fruitful and he is doing a good job, THAT would really make his entire day and his anxieties dissipate. Let him know he is wanted. Poor baby someone give him a sleep schedule too and some melatonin :)))))

Lee Know/Minho

Giving: Acts of service

He def strikes as one weird cranky, moody, annoying bitch with his behaviour but if you pay closer attention he is actually so observant and thoughtful/caring. He seems like you would not want to go to him for things but I actually think that if you take the time and grow close to him he is one of the most caring and protective people tbh.

Like it’s in his nature to pay attention to what close ones are doing, their schedules, interests and habits. He is the kind of person to never purposefully say or make a fuss out of doing something but somehow he knows you need something or you want something. And he buys the thing and puts it in the fridge. Or changes the sheets because he feels you are too sad and unmotivated and that would be good. Or buys something definitely because “he wanted it” but gets more, and a side of the thing you like a lot, because “it was there”, definitely not because he thought of you and that it would bring you joy. Or he would like pick a prescription for you or refill your water bottle before leaving or tell you to bring band-aids because you complained those shoes hurt you. Or tell me this boy would not chop the onions for the pasta sauce so you don’t ruin your mascara (I am not sobbing you are). And he somehow fits himself in and things add up so well and your life is so much easier despite him claiming he „did nothing”.

Receiving: Words of affirmation

Although it doesn’t seem like it, something tells me it’s true. I read on an internet thing that people that seem cold and don’t want/seem to have the need for verbal affirmation and validation from strangers get actually more satisfaction from it than people who say it explicitly.

He also def strikes me like he was raised to be tough, to recover fast, to not be a cry baby and just get up and do the job, suck it up, be strong and independent. A little bit of trust issues into the mix as well ☹ You can actually kinda see a sort of anxious behaviour type of thing in him. So I feel like if you actually grow closer to him (ahem Jisung), acknowledging his efforts and how he makes your life easier, THAT would bring out the asshole being like “oh really? Hm interesting you think I do so much for you huh?” but he actually does thooo and you saying it would bring him like so much joy and make his heart happy.

Like each time you give him a compliment TM he would act like “yeah I know” or act disgusted but high key it soothes his spirit and ego when you say such things. He just loooves to hear how much you loved something he cooked or how attractive he was while dancing or how he was really thoughtful, and you appreciate it sm. He seems to have the nature to give, and he seems to expect to go unnoticed but when and if you do acknowledge his heart is actually swooning over it.

Changbin

Giving: Physical touch/Gifts

I think he would be the type to bring weird things to you for no reason along with 1000 kisses and a hug that is a bit too tight you know? Like his mind gets occupied with you if you are close.

And like he saw this weird card at the store or a little figurine or something which has a weird patters and he thought “Hm they must see this. They would like this strange ass thing I bought which was overpriced”. And when he gives you the thing you give like an odd smile and in your eyes is a „love you but wtf is this” and he would take your hands and look down and kiss them and say “I don’t know i thought you might like it?” And you would tease each other and he would start doing ayego and get really shy and just hug you again and place his head in your neck to avoid the eye contact, then lift you up and spin you and from there you have no chances of escaping the embrace TM.

Receiving: Physical touch

I feel like he would be a sucker for physical touch as your love language as well. If you reciprocate hugs, kisses and stuff. You know he seems like the kind to find comfort in holding you for no reason, like a hand on the knee or on your waist and if you two are comfy and give him little pets, stroke his hair, place your hand on his shoulder or biceps or take his hand with both yours or grab his middle randomly, he would swoon. Also you clinging to him and letting him cling to you I think is like thing he wishes for most tbh:) I feel like he feels safety and love by holding onto you and you onto him like he can protect you. He would like to know you trust him with that, ya know? Like he is a strong bitch ready to fight anyone coming at you and can protect you but is also your smol koala child which you can never escape.

Hyunjin

Giving: physical touch

Now this might seem weird to you BUT. He seems like he touches people out of nowhere sometimes and kinda clings. Not like all the time but enough. Like he likes being really close to you if he is close to you, you know?. He would be all up in your face with his weird ass mannerisms and humour but if they are reciprocated and he feels safe and good around you he naturally starts to cling if that makes sense? Like in a way a sort of telling others: “mine, you cannot have them before me” but also in the sense that you know he would do anything for you if you ask in those instances. Like YO, you have me, soul and body next to you, I am here :)))

Like he doesn’t seem like the type to buy things a lot (cheap ass I see you :)))) although he would sometimes) But he makes up by being there and encouraging you despite not knowing how to act or what to say all the time, he lets you know you can count on him and he is there. I feel like his touch expresses appreciation.

Receiving: words of affirmation/quality time

He strikes me as attention demanding lmao:)) OH I am yours pay attention to me I am your baby I require love and affection, undivided.

So if you make time to have lunch with him or have conversations before bed in peace (my dude seems like his thoughts overwhelm him all the time and honestly same :/ it’s kinda yikes tbh), or watch a movie/tv show, or just be in his presence when he is both excited or down, and listen to him rant and give him solutions or rant with him about random subjects and jumping around between them subjects, you would get all the uwus and he would probably be ready to dedicate his entire existence to your well being and desires.

He is just like that, a dramatic ass with overly changing emotions who wants a good connection, like a genuine one, where hours go by and someone truly understands him and things flow, ya know? (seems like the type to believe in fate type of love, which I find interesting)

Han Jisung

Giving: Physical touch/ Words of affirmation

He seems really touchyyyyy TM. But like in the way that shows physical affection because he seems a little insecure? That is kinda what he strikes me as. Like he wants to hold you. He wants to show you have him. He wants to be appreciated :( my child (and bias) help me I am sobbing:))) and he wants to make sure you know he appreciates you just as much.

Like he would hold your hand, hug you a lot or place random kisses and linger in those places? An he would compliment you and tell you your work is amazing and that he is proud and he would make lots of idiotic jokes to cheer you up, no matter the mood (we stan crackhead humour in this household) and he would tell you the most random shit he likes about you. Like “I like your socks” or “you changed your bag” or “the perfume is oddly floral just like your shirt and I like it”.

And he would make random short freestyle raps (kill me now I am in too deep) about you or a random thing you are doing. And he would just linger around you when you are busy and can’t give him attention. He wants to show trust and love through little gestures and trusts you to see them as a sign of his love because you make him happy and all.

Receiving: ALSO Physical touch/words of affirmation idk

I feel like he would like physical touch back? Like he would be fine if you didn’t like it, but like since he is like anxious and (to me) seems like a little overly aware of his “flaws and deficiencies”, he would like to know he has your “hold”. Like some sort of security type of thing.

Like small gestures, your hand on him, a little kiss, a hug, a squish :))), a little grip of reassurance and a nod of “you are doing good”. I think he would be a sucker for that. And also despite him lowkey rejecting your compliments like “yeah I know I am the best”, giving it to him would boost his self-esteem a lot, as I think he has many insecurities and quite a few complexes that are hard to express for him. So that, along with your touch and words to reassure him, he would love and get the idea that you want him close too, that he’s desired enough for you to seek his love, something like “you my dude are seen and loved for who you are”.

Felix

Giving: Giving gifts/Physical touch

He is defiantly a giver. He literally seems like he is so thoughtful and cares so much. Like we all know how his fellow members said he is great at gifts. Well duh. I feel like his gifts are not always big but like a small food or drink he brings because he knows you always love it, a flower he saw in the front of a flower shop he thought was pretty. Something you said you needed (or you didn’t say) but he knows you do need it because he just pays that much attention. A pendant necklace. A ring. A small ice-cream because the day is hot so why not. A donut that had flower sprinkles because you like to post aesthetic foods and so on. You name it. They would not be obnoxious, but it would sure show how much you are occupying his thoughts.

We also always know how he is attached to the hip to the people he is close to and he loves skinship. He said he loves back hugs, hugs, kisses he wants it all:)) So he gives plenty of cuddles for sure. You can never escape the octupus arms as you go to sleep each night, so might as well set up the air conditioning in your house as it’s about to get warm but affection and love above all, right? :)))))))

Receiving: Words of affirmation/Physical touch

I think he thrives if you return his little ministrations of affection. Does it matter? A hug, a kiss, holding him, a little massage, hand size comparison, throwing yourself on top of him on the couch or the bed at the end of the day. He LOVES it. You are also competing with Chan lol but no worries, he has plenty affections for all:))

Also I think he needs reassurance and a sense that people that are closest are proud of what he is doing(wipe your tears bitch). So I think acknowledging his hard work and the fact that he pulls through despite certain mental heath problems and telling him he does an amazing job and complementing his work would definitely mean a lot to him.

But give the boy your affection, A VerY tOucHy BoI. It makes his heart swell with joy knowing you pull him close and feel so much love for him that you don’t hold back from giving. Be an octopus with him tambien😊

Seungmin

Giving: Acts of service

Another one for acts of service. Our smol good boi which somehow does not seem smol at all because he exudes maturity and rationality lmao.

He would be such a servant if he loves you. AND YOU WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE at first. Like I feel like he does stuff in a way similar to Minho where he makes sure your life is as easy as can be. Like puts your shoes out of the way, checks the weather so you don’t leave dressed inappropriately (forces you to take the puffier jacket despite it not going with your outfit, because “do you want to catch a cold, hm?”), gives you an umbrella. Fixes a random necklace which you broke by accident because he knows it will sit there for like 3 years if it’s in your care, and you like the necklace 😊. Makes sure you eat something healthy too(would definitely bring you washed and cut-up fruits after going out to eat at mcdonalds). And he for sure does not expect you to really notice, but if you do he is getting flustered and runs out the room with a big smile😊 what a baby tm.

Receiving: Acts pf service

I feel like he would appreciate most if you also took time out of your day to ease his life too. I feel like he would feel such relief and happiness and his heart would swell with affection and appreciation if you took on one of his (no matter how insignificant) tasks. Like he would be in a rush to leave and you woke up earlier before work to make him a coffee. Or when he comes home late you already put his clothes on the bed and prepared a bath. Or getting up and asking for extra napkins if he was not given any, or simply asking how can you make his day better. I feel like being helpful and listening and paying close attention to him would be what makes him happiest.

I.N./Jeongin:

Giving: Quality time/Gifts

He gets awkward when he tries to express feelings with words and is def not the most fond of skinship. However, I think if you were close he would be an amazing listener and sit with you and you could both share and grow together so much. He would give you the feeling he is ready to listen and be with you if you need him.

That and also I feel like when you are out and about it makes him feel good to know he can buy you things you can enjoy, and you are appreciative of them and he has that power to brighten your day and be a mature adult by buying you things, despite not really needing them sometimes.

Receiving: Quality time/Words

You know how he struggled a bit with the dancing at first and you know how the other members say that he does nothing when someone criticizes him, he just goes out of his way to fix his “mistakes”? And also in Vlive when he said he doesn’t like to watch his own fancams because all he sees are his mistakes? My baby seems to have a bit (quite some) of an imposter syndrome and since he is young and everyone teases him, although with love, I feel like it gets a bit uncomfortable and tough. He seems he just wants to keep up, and be the best at what he does but it gets tough when you have to catch up with people who have been doing the thing for many more years than you and you are struggling with your feelings and figuring things out as you grow within a demanding contract. So I think someone to listen to his worries and give him undivided attention without judgement and put in their input without being intrusive would be the most amazing thing to him. That, along with compliments and acknowledgement of his efforts, telling him that he is doing GOOD and you are proud (although he might think that you are just saying it, since he seems to only see ways he needs to improve) would be good at raising his self esteem and encourage him to continue with his hard efforts.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz scenarios #bang chan #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han #felix #seungmin #jeongin #love langauges

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audreyandherocs · 6 years ago

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Bleach OC: Watanabe Fumiko

Name: Watanabe Fumiko

Age: Same age as Ichigo and Gang

Birthday: January 18th (Capricorn)

Race: Full-bringer/Human

Physical Traits: Black Hair/Dark Turquoise hair, amber eyes, Average Build/Height (5’4”-5’5”), Her canine fang is a bit sharper, has a cowlick/hair ends, a scar from a Hollow attack on her arm.

Weak constitution is normally fine/has fainted due to overexertion; normal to have fevers

Clothes; Likes to wear skirts, with either long socks, shorts, or leggings underneath. Wears typically boots, and short sleeved hoodies when possible. She also wears a variation of gloves but typically wears arms sleeves/wraps to cover her scar; even though most people can’t see it too clearly without spiritual abilities.

Personality: Pessimistic, Responsible, disciplined, good manners/polite, unforgiving, anxious, kind/compassionate,

Strengths: Responsible, disciplined, self-control, good manners

Weakness: Know it all, unforgiving, condescending, expects the worst

Likes: Family, Tradition, Music (particularly singing), quality craftsmanship, flowers, sweets/cute things, peaches

Dislikes: hard things, tense (situations), umeboshi, bugs

Abilities:

- Uses a Fullbringer weapon, a Naginata, with the object being an Ornamental Hairpin

- Her singing voice. Embedded in her vocal waves, carries some spiritual aspect to it and can have a variation of effects. Depending n the emotions or effect of the song, Fumiko can produce an effect in her song which can effect people.

o This becomes more apparent after the Aizen incident, when her Hollow side adds to the effect of her singing; affecting other Hollows in the process.

Backstory Info:

Fumiko is the only child of Watanabe Karou and Watanabe Akikra. Her parents first met when her mother was being marked by a Hollow of her deceased parents who abused her. Her father, Karou, who had some level of spiritual sense, also went to the same university as Akikra, was concerned for her when he felt something off.

When he followed her one day to make sure she got home safe, he saw the Hollow attacking Akikra and was surprised. He managed to rescue Akikra long enough for a Shinigami to come by and he ran with Akikra in tow.

This is also when Karou and Akikra first met Kurosaki Isshin and Masaki. Isshin and Masaki helped the pair and got to know each other over the years.

After that event, Karou and Akikra became a couple and got married. They later gave birth to Fumiko and raised her in Karakura.

Fumiko grew up with her parents, but also her grandmother, Chiho: who grew up in a strict household and decided to live away from the main family. Long after her husband had died and made sure the main household would operate fine when in the hands of the next “leader”, Chiho decided to live with her son Karou; he decided to live away from the family and be independent when he was old enough. Chiho also came consequently when Akikra was pregnant with Fumiko.

What Fumiko remembered the most of Chiho was her grandmother tending to the garden, wearing her kimono, and the ornamental hairpin that she kept in her hair. Chiho taught Fumiko many things early in life, traditions from their family and how to use a Naginata.

One day, Fumiko was riding her bike with her family in tow. She decided to go faster and created some distance between her and her family; despite her family’s warnings.

Then all of a sudden, a Hollow attacked her and Fumiko received a bite mark on her arm that became a scar. That was her first encounter with a Hollow. Her parents and grandmother got to her in time and was told she got it from falling off her bike.

Fumiko believed it but she also knew it was a lie. She still has re-occurring nightmares of that event and flinches when she sees a Hollow.

Her grandmother one day gave her the pin that she always wore, and three days later, Chiho had died due to an ‘accident’.

Fumiko felt the loss of her grandmother and were at time tried to throw away the pin, but she never could and carries it with her; but never using it really.

This was how Fumiko got closer to Ichigo, as she went to the same grade school as him. They had always known each other but never got closer beyond classmates. When the news of Fumiko’s grandmother had passed away, Ichigo and Fumiko found solidarity in each other based on their experiences; due to the close time and spacing between Masaki’s and Chiho’s deaths.

Fumiko also became slightly closer to Tatsuki throughout it all.

As time went on, Fumiko and Ichigo got closer and were friends. This led to Fumiko coming over to Ichigo’s home many times and was already acquainted with Isshin due to her parents. She also helped take care of Yuzu and Karin, and occasionally the twins will refer her to as “Fumiko-nee” or a variation of that.

In middle school, Ichigo introduced Sado/Chad to Fumiko, who found the boy charming in his own way and found it commendable for his loyalty towards Ichigo.

In her second year of Junior High, Fumiko was asked out by a boy who was her classmate at the time. Fumiko didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but the boy persisted, making her uncomfortable.

Ichigo stepped in one day when things were getting out of hand and came to her defense. Though it was never stated, Ichigo and Fumiko acted like Ichigo was her boyfriend. To further drive the point and make it more believable, Ichigo offered to act as Fumiko’s boyfriend, “to make sure the creep stopped”, and not seeing how this could go wrong, agreed.

This lasted for an entire year and went until the end of Junior High.

Right before they were to enter Karakura High School, Fumiko and Ichigo talked with each other and broke it off; since the guy pursuing her was not going to be in the same high school as them since his parents had to move for work and wanted him to enter another high school in the same district as them.

Ichigo and Fumiko broke it off in good terms and continued as friends; though there is still some form of love between them.

The only person who knew of their relationship upfront was Sado/Chad, Tatsuki, and a speculation from Orihime.

Fumiko in a sense, still loves Ichigo, but is aware that she can’t be with him forever. She knows too much about him already and can’t support him the way that is best for him (i.e. allowing him to go out due to his sense of protection when she knows ultimately that he will be injured heavily). She can only support him as a friend but nothing else.

She promised Ichigo she’ll be there for him, but she is not the one for him.

Overtime, Fumiko has a growing appreciation for Sado/Chad for not only for his loyalty, but also his quiet but strong demeanor. However, what frustrates her about Sado is his own sense of recklessness; making Fumiko worry for him.

Full-Bringer:

Object: Fumiko’s Grandmother’s Ornamental Hairpin

Description: A wooden pole, with a regular naginata blade. The handguard is shaped with a four petal flower.

Background:

The object itself is actually very old. Chiho inherited from her own mother when she reached a certain age, and the line of inheritance goes back to Chiho’s great grandmother. It was later revealed by Kisuke that the ornamental hair was made as a protective charm against Hollows; as for some reason, the female members of the descents were always targeted by Hollows due to their unique Resihi.

The actual process of making these protective charms was mostly lost due to an incident and many of the females of the descents had little or none spiritual energy. There were records left behind that explained how but without any spiritual sense, the information was useless.

Until the faithful day that Fumiko came into the world. Due to the circumstances of her birth, Fumiko was born as a Fullbringer and being Chiho’s descent, her spiritual energy was stronger. Chiho had a certain level of spiritual sense, so she knew she had to come up with another way to make another protective charm.

She poured the records but lacked the actual power to make one properly; this is when she came into contact with Kisuke; recognizing him from not their world. She went to him with the records and wanted him to figure a way how to make a protective charm, but when Kisuke was about on his way to doing so, Fumiko was attacked.

Chiho frightened that her grandchild would die from being attacked again, she gave Fumiko the hairpin as she thought that Kisuke would be able to make one fast enough.

However, this proved to be wrong as Chiho was attacked by a Hollow and died. The whole incident was written off as an ‘unfortunate accident’ but Fumiko and her parents knew better.

Kisuke held the records for his safe keeping until Fumiko was old enough or developed any spiritual progress.

One day, when Fumiko was walking with Yuzu and Karin, she noticed a Hollow following them. Fumiko panicked as the flashback of her being attacked Hollow ran through her mind. The only thought she could was take her to Kisuke’s as it was nearby.

Fumiko gave the twins some money and told them with a smile to buy some candy and stay with the nice man, since she had a boring errand to do and left with Kisuke and Tessai yelling after her.

The Hollow scar on her arm throbbed as she got the attention of the Hollow, leading it away as far as she could. It eventually caught up to her and was blown away from it’s attack.

Flashbacks raged through her mind from all those years ago and Fumiko remembered her grandmother. She gripped the ornamental hairpin and closed her eyes to brace for the inevitable.

In a split moment, she remembered all the people she knew and how she was going to leave behind and felt something within her burn.

At that moment, the Hollow shirked and Fumiko opened her eyes to see the ornamental hairpin replaced with a ko-naginata. The pole was made out of the same wood as the ornamental hair pin, with a sleek single-edged blade. The handguard that was normally round, was replaced with a handguard designed with a four-petal flower.

Founding new found power, Fumiko fought against the Hollow. It took a bit but with help from Kisuke and Yourichi who came by, Fumiko was enlightened about the world around her.

She was then told of the secret behind the Ornamental Hairpin and how it would protect her. However, due to her growing power it would still attract Hollows and Kisuke wasn’t sure if the charm would no longer be effective.

It was later discovered, after the whole incident with Aizen and when her ornamental hairpin broke, it was had supressed her more Hollow side to her until it broke due to the experimentation by Aizen.

More Bio information:

Due to the nature of how Fumiko was born and what occurred in her early life, Fumiko contains a more dominant Hollow aspect to herself then most Fullbringers. The ornamental charm aids in supressing it however, allowing Fumiko to live unassumingly.

However, as time went on with her spiritual powers growing stronger, her Hollow side also growing in turn, the ornamental charm could only do so much. This lead to allowing her Hollow side to surface but it was never a take over.

This all changed during the Arrancar Arc.

When Fumiko was coming back from the Karakura hospital after getting a check-up and getting a refill of her prescriptions, she felt an immense spiritual pressure. Recognizing it when she encountered Yammy and Ulquiorra, she ran as far as she could from the Hospital. As time went on, her Hollow side started to surface, and she tried to force it down, with her scar reacted strongly to the spiritual pressure. This all caused her to feel sick and made her numb.

Before Fumiko knew it, she was kidnapped by an Arrancar. No one knew she had gone missing and the Shinigamis who were there, arrived to late to know Fumiko was gone either. Ichigo and Sado, who typically accompanied Fumiko, were also none of the wiser due to their own circumstances (with Ichigo training and Sado still unconscious and healing from Yammy). The others were too pre-occupied and Orihime wasn’t aware of Fumiko’s appearance either. Uruyuu who was closer, didn’t also notice due to recovering his spiritual pressure.

An effect was induced somehow, where no one realized she was missing until it was far too late.

This all slowly came to light when Orihime was being held hostage by Aizen. Ichigo and Sado thought it was weird that Fumiko hadn’t come by, but due to Ichigo’s nature; believed it was a good idea that Fumiko didn’t come and assumed she was resting at home.

While Orihime was at the Huenco Muecho, she wasn’t aware that Fumiko was in the same building; as Aizen conducted experiments onto Fumiko due to her more Hollow nature, and proceeded if he could make her into an Arrancar or something else. He also performed psychological manipulation as he showed images of Ichigo and the others all blissfully unaware that Fumiko was here. He also emphasized that they knew Orihime was missing and went to save her, and they weren’t here because of Fumiko.

This slowly lead to Fumiko’s mental state to become unbalanced and the final trigger occurred when Aizen tells her that they didn’t care enough about her or included her enough. Fumiko finally caves in, due to the fact she already expects the worse, and her Hollow side erupted from her; taking over due to the instability. Her ornamental hairpin was on the verge of breaking and Fumiko used her fullbringer as her weapon that became warped as well.

This caused Fumiko to become an Arrancar but with a Hollow mindset before Aizen released her to attack her friends.

This caused everyone to realize that Fumiko wasn’t back home and she was here the entire time, and they were all unaware that she was missing with Orihime.

This later caused Ichigo to feel guilty afterwads that he failed to protect Fumiko and that he didn’t pay attention to her. Sado also felt guilty because he felt just as protective and close to Fumiko and she was Ichigo’s close one (as he was also aware that Ichigo and Fumiko had dated in Junior High). Orihime also felt bad because the others were here to rescue her but not Fumiko, which lead to this state and that she didn’t check on Fumiko before she left.

After the group manages to save her, Fumiko’s ornamental hairpin shattered causing her to be unstable even further. Fumiko was entrusted into the hands of Sado who was there to keep her calm and console her; with Orihime doing her best to heal Fumiko.

After the whole Aizen incident and Ichigo losing his powers, Fumiko and Ichigo got back together again to support each other. With Fumiko still recovering from her ordeal and unable to ground herself, and Ichigo feeling guilty and that by being with her, he could protect her more and make up for it all. He also does this to be able to protect he cares about.

Later down the road, Ichigo and Fumiko have a talk where they talk about what happened and Fumiko later confesses to Ichigo while she still loves him and will be there for him, they both know they aren’t meant to be together in the end as she can’t let him do what he needs to do. She however promises if at some point they don’t get together with anyone, they would get together.

Later however, Fumiko confesses to Ichigo that she may have fallen in love with Sado; to which Ichigo fully encourages and supports her (which Ichigo later manages to get out Sado that he too has feelings for Fumiko).

Why Aizen kidnapped Fumiko:

This all took place during the time when the Ichigo and gang went to rescue Rukia in the Soul Society. Along the way, Fumiko got separated and encountered Aizen; which her (Hollow) instincts knew something was off and that he was a threat.

Fumiko remembered very little other then fighting someone and a part of herself was brought out; and was heavily injured.

Aizen was interested at seeing Fumiko but was even more interested when he saw Fumiko again when Yammy and Ulquiorra first appeared in Karakura town, upon seeing the development.

This development was kickstarted when Fumiko arrived at the scene and saw Sado’s heavily injured state and was thrown into a rage; allowing her Hollow self to appear. This is when the ornamental hairpin begins to break.

After the Aizen incident, Urahara later reveals the truth to Fumiko about her heritage and how her Grandmother came by to see him. He later gives Fumiko the rundown about the ornamental hairpin, which lead to Fumiko training to control her Hollow side as well as learning how to make new ornamental hairpins.

(crosses into Fullbringer Arc).

How Fumiko confesses to Sado and ends up with him:

Fumiko had a growing affection for Sado but she never acted upon them. It was more of a quiet adoration. However, as time goes on by and when things becoming more intense, Fumiko becomes more worried for Sado due to his own protective nature and loyalty.

While she admires Sado for it, she also irks at it because it’s very similar to how Ichigo acts out.

Before and during the Fullbringer Arc, Fumiko and Sado got closer as he checks up on her when he can. There are times they have hung out together and a growing affection is created between them.

Sado is also there for Fumiko when she has a mental relapse, due to the experimentation and psychological damage from Aizen; as well as her being there for her when her Hollow side becomes too hard to supress.

While she is also vulnerable to Ichigo about these matters, she is less frequent with him since she can tell he still feels empty and lost from losing his spiritual powers.

Sado is particularly helpful because he doesn’t need to say anything and this allows Fumiko feels secure when she is enveloped by him.

This later makes Sado feel more attached to Fumiko but refrained from getting to close because to him, Fumiko belonged to Ichigo.

After Fumiko and Ichigo break up again (on good terms once more), Sado becomes closer to Fumiko but still keeps himself back a little. It’s only after Sado is fighting a Hollow and protects Fumiko, that she finally snaps and breaks down that she loves Sado just as much she did for Ichigo, and she can’t see him use himself as a Shield and take all the hits; even if he can handle it all.

This mental imbalance in Fumiko, brings out her Hollow side and her voice drew out a ton of Hollows; which Fumiko and Sado fought off. When they barely scrapped by and took refuge at Urahara’s; they waited for Orihime to come by and this is when Fumiko and Sado have a talk with each other (with Fumiko being emotional and losing her composure).

This caused Sado to feel compelled and kiss Fumiko, shocking her but was welcomed.

After the physical sign of a confession, Sado also confesses his feelings orally for Fumiko and offer to try out going out together to explore these new developments.

Fumiko agrees and that’s when Sado and Fumiko pursued a romantic relationship. They were about to seal the deal but were interrupted by a smirking Urahara who warned them not to get too invested since Orihime was here.

Along with Orihime, Ichigo and Uruyuu also came by to see if the two were alright. Though it was never explicitly said in the moment, the others had a hunch that something had developed between Sado and Fumiko; with Uruyuu noticing first and Ichigo and Orihime.

#my OC #oc info #oc introduction #bleach oc #Watanabe Fumiko

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northernrainforest · 6 years ago

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Budget Cuts

In case you’re too busy reading my blog to follow the politics of the state of Alaska, here’s a brief rundown from an admitted newcomer. Last October when he was up for reelection, Bill Walker, the previous governor and an Independent, stepped down in the aftermath of a scandal involving “inappropriate overtures” made to a woman by his lieutenant governor. That left two contenders. The Democrat, Mark Begich, had been a US senator; Flo actually met him at our local radio station when they were both being interviewed on the same day. Ladybug and I were listening for Flo to come on and talk about university events but Begich talked for awhile before Flo’s segment; I found him interesting, but Ladybug was not impressed.

“Ugh,” she said. “He just keeps talking!” In short, most people’s view of politicians.

I think it goes without saying (does it go without saying?) that I am a Democrat – though my recent move to the “coast” of the Tongass Narrows changes slightly my status as a member of the coastal elite. Regardless, Flo and I were pretty dang disappointed that Begich lost. The winner, Republican Mike Dunleavy, was elected on the campaign promise of restoring the PFD. Allow me to explain – again, forgiving my very rudimentary understanding of the whole thing. The Alaska permanent fund was established in the late seventies, in the wake of the construction of the Alaska pipeline; a lump sum is given to each Alaskan once a year, with the variable amount effectively contingent on the price of oil. This year it amounted to about $1600 for every man, woman and child in the state; in the past it’s been significantly more. (I should note that we won’t receive it until we’ve lived here a full calendar year, which will mean 2020 for the three of us and 2021 for Bronson, I believe – the indignity of having a birthday in early January.) To outsiders, those of us who just moved here from down south and aren’t yet eligible, for example – it can feel like a bonus. But to many Alaskans, it is the thing they wait for all year. A friend here told me that there are people in remote villages who rely on the PFD to pay their bills. The day before the dividends were handed out last fall, I overheard a salty dog of an old man, possibly drunk, talking on the phone.

“I’ll get you the money as soon as the PFD comes through,” he said, like a character in the Alaska version of a gangster film: To Live and Die in Ketchikan.

And it’s not only homesteaders and people living on the fringes. This money is important to people. One of my friends used hers to buy a new oven; they’d been out an oven for eight months, waiting for the PFD. In the lobby of the aquatics center last October, watching our kids practice the front crawl, parents debated about whether to use the money for vacations or household upgrades (middle-class concerns to be sure, but I did notice that none of the people I knew actually used the money for vacations – something else always seemed more urgent.) All that to say, Dunleavy was elected in part on the basis of his campaign promise calling to restore the PFD’s former glory, and to retroactively distribute funds he felt had been taken from the people by the previous administration. Now. I’m not going to delve too deep into the politics of a state to which I have just moved. I really don’t know what the right answer is. I do know this: a budget that allows for Dunleavy to award this money also includes cuts in the billions of dollars to the Alaska Marine Highway system and the University of Alaska. Obviously, the latter of those two would be a real problem for us. If Flo were to lose his job, the life that we’ve built here over the last eight months would be impossible to maintain. We would have to move. As I write this (and “write” should be in quotation marks, since I’m talking into my notes app like an old timey doctor into a dictaphone), I’m walking down Jackson from the top of a high hill, looking out towards snowcapped mountains on Gravina Island with the waters of the Tongass Narrows gliding by below. We had friends over for dinner last night, a chaotic group of kids and babies and nursing mothers, all sitting around eating linguine and clams and talking about hiking. I called Ladybug’s school yesterday to ask about serving on their board. Things are happening for us here – things we like. Bronson was born here. I won’t be dramatic and say that I plan on dying in Ketchikan. I have no idea where or when I’ll die. (Way to bring the mood down, Bolton.) But we’ve been very happy here. And frankly, I wouldn’t even know where to go next. So as it turns out, the looming budget cuts for the state of Alaska, which are probably not even national news, well, they’re affecting us on the most basic of levels right now. I will say, we have high hopes. I could go into detail, but the gist of it is that, though small, the Ketchikan campus features a maritime academy that the governor has toured and thought very highly of. Flo thinks that may be the salvation of the school. Then again: if the marine highway system shuts down, is there any point in a maritime academy at all? Any thoughts of buying a house have been tabled, at least for the moment. All this has gotten me thinking about the ways I inadvertently implement cuts in my own little life. I didn’t go on my regular walk today, the one where I tuck Bronson into the carrier and watch his eyes grow heavy and eventually close. Ladybug stayed home from school, Flo had several meetings at funny times, and the day just sort of got away from me. So it’s evening now, though it’s still light (it’s amazing how quickly the days have started to get longer) and I’m walking by myself. I didn’t start the walk by myself, though. When Flo got home and I handed off the baby, Ladybug chimed in and told me that she wanted to come on my walk. I started to say no. I fact, I did say no. A couple of times. But she was undaunted. My brother and sister-in-law had sent her a super-secret spy notebook today and some new crayons. She put on her shoes and a little stocking hat and grabbed her notebook. Off we set: me slightly annoyed that I wasn’t getting my time alone and would have to slow my pace; Ladybug all excitement.

We did start slowly. Ladybug kept stopping me so she could unbutton her little notebook, pull out a crayon, scribble something, and then reverse the process. She pointed things out, too. “Look Mama!” Ladybug said. “It’s a ketchup and mustard house!” It was true: there are two houses next to each other a few blocks from us, one bright yellow and one bright red, that I’d never really noticed before. “Look Mama!” she said, indicating across the street from the condiment houses. “That house is so cool!” It was a wide house with two levels and a big deck that looked sort of like a duplex but wasn’t; I couldn’t tell you why it was cool, but it was. “Stop!” she shouted, still only three blocks from home. “I have to look at my map.” Ladybug pulled out her notebook and consulted the scribbles she had made earlier. She pointed us in the direction that we should head. She found some berries. She noticed buses. She ran ahead, and lagged behind, and drew pictures and talked and held my hand and laughed and skipped. Eventually she’d had enough so we doubled back, I dropped her off, and I picked up my pace. If having a newborn means falling in love with someone you’ve just met, having a five-year-old when you have a newborn, at least for me, has meant something closer to a marriage that’s headed for divorce. The newborn relationship is a series of meet-cutes: “He spit up all over me and then looked at me so helplessly that I had to laugh!” Parenting the older child now consists of button-pressing and limit-testing, of the building up of micro-aggressions that lead to epic explosions: “She threw a tantrum because I put yogurt, then fruit, then granola, but she wanted the fruit on the bottom and I LITERALLY CAN’T ANYMORE.”

Children always ask if their parents will love them less when the new baby comes along. The parents always say no, of course not, there’s room enough in our hearts for all of you. Which is true. But what we fail to mention is that it’s really easy to love a newborn; it’s much harder to love almost anyone else. When Flo and Ladybug have argued in the past and she’s come to me in tears, I’ve often said to her, “It’s hard to live with other people.“ A new baby is a person, but with respect to Magda Gerber and Dr. Sears and everyone who preaches the importance of respecting our newborns – they are still just barely people. Yes, each baby has a life of his own, and I have immense respect for what what my baby has been through up to this point and the person he already is. But. A baby is also a vessel for all of our dreams, for the things we love about ourselves and our partners; he represents the abundance of life that we have been seeking and, in his shy smile and soulful eyes, have finally found. (We had that time with Ladybug too, I should say, and it was dreamy.) A child, though, is in many ways already fully realized. Ladybug is the most intense version of herself at five, even if that five-year-old self will only exist until she turns six. For the rest of her life she will embody the self that she is at that moment, in that season, and it will be fascinating and thrilling and scary for her dad and me to behold. Right now it’s intense, because five-year-olds can be intense. They can be bullheaded, attention-seeking, and mean. Ha. Sounds like me sometimes – must be my daughter. Which is what the walk reminded me. That this girl with her notebook and her rainbow-colored coat – because “rainbow” is her favorite color – is still the manifestation of everything that has ever mattered to me. The arrival of her brother has made it harder for me to have the patience to remember that, but that doesn’t make it any less true. I’d like to think that I’ll be kinder tomorrow, that I won’t snap at her when she lifts up a table and carries it, haphazardly and seemingly for no reason, directly over the tiny bed in which her brother is sleeping. I can’t guarantee that will happen. I’m growing too. I’m trying to be the best version of myself at this season in my life, and I’m not always particularly successful. But the magic of life and of parenthood is that I’ve made no campaign promises. I have no constituents that are going to send me packing after one term if I don’t deliver. My cabinet is populated by people who cheer me on and commiserate with me and make me laugh, and I can wake up every morning and decide how best to move forward.

So if Alaska Marine represents travel and the university represents education, then couldn’t it be said I’m cutting them out of my own budget by not taking a walk with my daughter, by not learning from her and helping her learn? How can I ask the governor to keep funding these institutions unless I’m funding them in my own life?

Ladybug’s maps were so clear in her own mind; all I saw were scribbles. That’s the way it is sometimes with maps. I’m just going to keep walking and looking for berries along the way, hoping for the best.

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demeaiko · 6 years ago

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Be yourself

Be Yourself

It was in the middle of fall 2016 where my paradoxical behavior had surfaced and was challenged. This particular day I was off from work and school which I decided to stay home. I was sharing a room with my older brother, we got along, for the most part, the only problem I had was that he snored horrendously, the house reeked like a skunk because of the constant cloud of marijuana. I was seeking a little attention now which led to the upcoming event.

I was laying on my bed earphones in listening to the Mack Miller album, “The Divine Feminine”. I was also browsing on a controversial app called Grindr which is a gay “dating” app. Before making assumptions at this time I was in the mind state that I wanted to explore myself as I always had a feeling deep down I was attracted to the same sex. I never acted on it as my household was very homophobic at the time, so I felt it was best to keep that under wraps until I was able to make my own decisions without consequences. As I was browsing the guys on the app, I was conversing with a guy. His description on his profile was Discreet Latino, height 5’11”, weight was about 190 and the guy was pretty muscular more on the toned side, and his position stated he was a dominant top.

We exchanged messages: first, it was small talk like how’s your day, and what our purpose was on the app. My purpose was pretty straightforward, I wanted to find friends and possibly someone to start sort of dating. I say that because again I wasn’t out of the closet and just wanted someone to connect with comfortably as I was finding myself. He said he was looking for the same as he was discreet and wanted something more discreet and maybe someone more long term. I felt our goals were harmonious as we both wanted something sort of secret yet meaningful from my perspective. After about an hour of airing out stuff about each other as he worked for a warehouse, loved to smoke marijuana, and he was very independent.

He sent me a message saying, I really like talking to you, you’re really cute, you can hold a conversation well, when can I meet you in person?

I replied back,Thank you! I don't mind meeting you as well, I like the vibe I’m getting, what day works best for you to meet!”

He quickly replied,” Honestly I have work and overtime this whole week, I'm only available today, what’s the chance of meeting you today?”

At this time, I felt like it was now or never to meet this guy as he applied the pressure very charmingly and I was indeed intrigued by him. Around this time I also had signed my first car note for a 2008 Pontiac named “Grey Goose”, and had the taste for freedom, so I replied back, “Sure I'm mobile and I don't have much planned, I prefer early though is that ok with you”, he replies back “That’s fine come over in about an hour here's my address”.

I looked up the address and it was only about ten min away, so it wasn’t to far, as I confirmed his address I received another text from one of my close cousins that would always pressure me to smoke marijuana with him. He texted asking if he could see me, I told him that would be fine and about five to ten min later he had knocked on my door coming in with a joint in hand. He said, “What’s up bro, you want to smoke?”, I looked at him and said, “sure I don’t mind”, mind to tell you I usually don't partake in smoking but this day I felt the urge to do something different.

After I and my cousin had gotten done smoking I was definitely feeling stoned, my brain felt as if it was pressed on the back end of my skull. Moments later I had gotten a message back saying he was ready and I could stop by. I input his address and made my way there sluggishly. I pulled up to these baby blue and white color schemed apartments, which were not well maintained. I parked Grey Goose in the parking lot and examined my surroundings, I saw a couple of familiar stores like 7/11 and Safeway then proceeded to his apartment. When I knocked on the door and he opened up, he had his shirt off showing his muscles and smiled saying hi. First, I was very intrigued, but after I looked past him I saw there was a lot of boxes piled up like he was either moving in or moving out. I paid it no mind at first and proceeded into his living room and sat on his burgundy couch.

We were talking for a while about nonsense, like he could tell I was high, and I was young. Once we had gotten deeper into the conversation I asked him, “So why all the boxes, are you moving in?” he replied, “No I’m actually moving back to Mexico in about five days, it's expensive staying here so it’ll be going to stay with my parents”. At that point, I deemed him a liar in my eyes because I felt that should have been disclosed before we met up. So me being me, I said back, “Well, in that case, I think I’m going to get going. I thought we were on the same understanding that we wanted something more than something temporary”. I had gotten up and headed halfway to the door when he charmingly took hold of my hand and gently guided me back to his couch to talk. I had already made my mind up to leave, I slightly pulled away and walked to the door. I opened it half way he stood directly behind me brushing his body against mine and closed the door in front of me. At this point my heart was pounding out of my chest, my blood felt like molasses as I knew what was going on and what I had gotten myself into. He again gently guided me to his couch. I sat there stuck partially from me being high. He started kissing my neck which made me pull away. I then said, “I don't feel comfortable, and this isn't what I want to do,” He spat back, “We are having fun, just go with the flow remember your pretty new to this”. I wasn’t buying it. I sat there motionless. He then told me to take my pants off, I again sat there ignoring him this time which made him infuriated, He yelled loudly “Take them off!” At that point a tear came down my face. So much on my mind I didn't know who I was dealing with and he had a physical advantage in my mind over me. My pants came off, he eyed me and said,” Lay on your stomach on the couch, I slowly did as he said and buried my face into the beige pillow. He then disrespectfully put his hands on my bottom and complimented my physic which did not feel genuine. I had asked him, “Will you at least use a condom? I’m really young and have a long life ahead of me hopefully, I don't want to deal with any diseases or problems this early on.” I also didn't want my first time bottoming (being the receptive partner) to be someone raping me. He spat back quickly, “I told you to go with the flow, and that this will be fun. I've never had complaints about my game so sit back and enjoy.” The room went black as he entered me, I buried my face into the pillow and honestly felt like dying, I didn't know what this guy’s history was or if he would let me leave without someone getting more physically hurt. Luckily, he had finished after about five minutes that felt like forever, and he then briskly walked to the bathroom cleaning up. I took this opportunity to leave and quickly got into Grey Goose. The tears kept falling like a may rain storm. I parked my car at home and sat there for hours getting myself together as I knew if I showed up distressed at home I would have to tell what happened. I knew I couldn't hold it in or come up with a lie, I usually never cry. I walked in and seen my mom sitting in her recliner chair watching TV, I told her hi and kept proceeding to my room where I reflected on the event a little more before I had gone to sleep.

With me going through such an intense situation it would be ludicrous to not become affected or gain insight into what could have been prevented. I partially take responsibility for what happened, I was not secure with myself and knew as a kid to never enter into just anyone’s home. I rushed into this situation instead of understanding the key points in our interaction. First was the fact I nor this guy was comfortable in our own skin, we had to be hidden in how we went about meeting each other. I also was extremely gullible, after I seen the boxes packed across the apartment, I should have listened to my intuition and made my exit. To make matters worse, this malicious individual got away with everything! As much as I wanted to let someone know about what happened, I was more fearful of the consequences of my family finding out about my sexuality and disowning me altogether. This led to me being silent on the matter and keep to myself.

This situation also led to me not attending school anymore, when this happened it was two weeks before finals, I was nowhere near in the right mind state to complete school or sadly again not tell anyone what was going on. The most painful part I experienced about the altercation was the fact I went thru the most excruciating phycological pain ever. Every night I would wake up emergently gasping for air, laying in a pool of sweat as panic attacks seem to be a new norm for me. I don’t ever want anyone else to go through this deal of pain, loss, and exposure again. I want this story to touch people especially anyone that has LGBT individuals in their intimate lives. Parents this goes to you as well as you can become more aware of your child and teach compassion and acceptance, this creates an environment where your child can express themselves in a healthy way and communicate their desires to be their self unapologetically. #lgbt #gay #lesbian #bisexual #transgender #blackcommunity #gaycommunity #blackmen #awareness #rapevictims #mystory #mytruth #lgbtq #pesonalnarritive

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wealthbronze59-blog · 6 years ago

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After Thousand Oaks Mass Shooting, A Warning: 'Pretty Soon Everyone's Going To Have A Sad Story'

Civilians, law enforcement and fire personnel look on from an overpass as a motorcade with the body of Ventura County Sheriff's Sgt. Ron Helus passes by on Thursday. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez) (Marcio Jose Sanchez/)

Less than two weeks after the nation's collective eye last turned to a city wounded by gun violence, the cycle begins again.

Chaplains and counselors deployed, condolences from national leaders, flags lowered to half-staff, vigils organized, memories shared and the anticipation over finding a motive that still won't bring a sense of peace.

This time, a shooter entered The Borderline Bar & Grill in Thousand Oaks and took the lives of 12 people and then himself.

"You know how this goes," political consultant Kellyanne Conway said on FOX News, "you've got loved ones probably still searching for their children, you have first responders and emergency personnel treating the wounded and this investigation will continue."

Though most don't receive national attention, this was the 307th shooting in 2018 alone, according to the Gun Violence Archive, which tracks this.

A SAFE COMMUNITY, HEROIC ACTIONS

No one ever expects a mass shooting to puncture their community. But it was particularly rattling for Thousand Oaks, an affluent suburb outside of Los Angeles ranked one of the safest cities in America.

Wednesday is Borderline's regular college night. Students ages 18 and up were there from nearby Pepperdine University, Cal Lutheran and Cal State University, Channel Islands (CSUCI). People had gathered to learn a new line dance when the gunman began shooting.

Witnesses seemed to recount what happened next with an eerie sense of calm.

"I understood that based on the number of shots that I heard that it was likely that several people had been injured or killed, and my main priority was getting myself to safety, and then once I was far away, helping the other patrons," said Benjamin Ginsburg, a recent graduate who regularly attended college night. He called into KPCC's AirTalk to share his experience.

We heard stories of heroic actions that saved lives.

"I looked up and one of my friends had thrown a bar stool through the window so we could get out," said Matt Wennerstrom, a student at CSUCI. "And we pushed the glass out of the way and got as many people out through that window as possible."

PREPARED FOR THE NEW NORMAL

Even in this community, known for being safe, training for tragedy has become a part of being a student today.

The student government at CSUCI holds active shooter seminars occasionally, including one as recently as this past spring. Cal Lutheran has a brochure on its website: Active Shooter: A Survival Mindset. Pepperdine has a page on its website with best practices for survival.

Drills are standard practice in high schools, becoming more common in middle and elementary schools and even in some preschools and child care centers.

Jason Coffman, whose 22-year-old son Cody was killed in the shooting, said one of the last things he said to his son was "please don't drink and drive." Instead, it was a gunman who cut his son's life short.

Brendan Kelly, another regular at Borderline, had already survived the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history in Las Vegas in 2017. He said a couple dozen others who survived that shooting, which took place at a country music festival, regularly met up at Borderline.

"Borderline was our safe space after," Kelly told ABC 7. "It was our our home."

Kelly served in the Marine Corps. When he heard the shots, he said he immediately jumped into action, throwing people to the ground for cover.

Dr. Garen Wintemute, a gun researcher at University of California, Davis, said what we're preparing to survive has fundamentally changed.

"I remember when 'duck and cover' dealt with missiles that might be coming from overseas, that's what we got trained on," Wintemute said, "And these days, duck and cover refers to missiles that are coming from down the block or within the room."

'I DIDN'T FEEL SHOCK'

As the threats evolve, so have the skills we're learning. Since 2015, the American College of Surgeons has offered Bleeding Control Basics courses to give bystanders the skills to potentially save lives.

"As a public, our health literacy is changing as the health problems change," said psychologist Angelika Robinson.

Robinson herself survived the 2015 mass shooting in San Bernardino where 14 people attending a holiday work party were killed. Waking up Thursday morning, she turned on the TV and saw familiar images of flashing police lights and loved ones waiting.

"It really did hit home, and one of the emotions that I recognized was that I didn't feel shock," she told KPCC's Take Two.

"Because we've dealt with incidents like this so frequently lately we've become numb and inoculated in a sense. We wait for the next one to happen and it always does."

This realization made her outraged.

"This can't become our baseline," Robinson said. "It can't become something that we take for granted."

'EVERYONE'S GOING TO HAVE A SAD STORY'

At the Pepperdine campus on Thursday, friends and classmates awaited word about the fate of fellow student Alaina Housley. As the hours ticked by, the college students braced to get the news that inevitably came: Housley, 18, was dead.

Housley's roommate, who spoke on the condition she not be named to protect her privacy, was devasted. She was also angry.

"I thought I was passionate about this cause and about gun control before," she said, "but until it happens to you... like, if this keeps happening, pretty soon everyone's going to have a sad story. Everyone's going to have a friend that they've lost, if something doesn't change.

Zoe Walsh, a Pepperdine freshman, said that after a gunman earlier this year killed 17 at a high school in Parkland, Florida, she organized protests at her own high school. Walsh grew up in a world where school shootings were common enough that she's been rehearsing active shooter drills since elementary school. She called it "part of our average school day."

"I think the worst part is that as unreal as it feels, it's not something that's shocking in today's society because so many people have to go through this," Walsh said. "It's too frequent an occurrence and it hurts everytime, but it's never hurt like this before."

Losing someone she knows has made the issue of gun violence not just a matter of her political activism.

"Now it's a part of my personal emotional life," she said. "It's affecting the way I view relationships because I'm afraid when it comes to the safety and well-being of everyone that I love."

KPCC/LAist reporter Aaron Schrank contributed to this report

Hey, thanks. You read the entire story. And we love you for that. Here at LAist, our goal is to cover the stories that matter to you, not advertisers. We don't have paywalls, but we do have payments (aka bills). So if you love independent, local journalism, join us. Let's make the world a better place, together. Donate now.

Source: http://www.laist.com/2018/11/09/borderline_thousand_oaks_shooting_new_normal.php

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wordzeck · 8 years ago

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have and eat

I found out, a few days ago, about this scandal that happened at my school. Essentially a girl in my school’s student government was being sent persistent sexual messages from a guy in the student government. I discovered the dilemma from reading an article published by my school newspaper and a blog post written by the affected female. Based off of the publicity of the event it is clear that its effects were not constrained to merely the boy and girl. There has been a fallout at a public level. The violation experienced by the girl is not the only present problem. This boy’s actions have now sprouted incidents of cyber bullying, shaming (to multiple parties), and depression.

Reading through the details of events was a sobering experience for me. As I read the name of the male accused of sexually badgering the girl, I couldn’t stop seeing my own name. Outside of the publicly held position, this boy and I are no different. I’ve sent far worse messages than those described in the article. I’ve sent unsolicited sexual pictures and texts to more girls than I can count. I’ve been told to stop on multiple occasions, and I’ve ignored the requests. I say all of this to preface my commentary. I’m trying to do my best at offering insight while still recognizing that I am no better than anyone I comment on. I fully understand that I still have a problem with this sexual sin stuff, and I don’t want my opinions to be viewed as just shaming my culture. To continue this train of thought… I’ve seen multiple posts since the event occurred, and it is clear that different individuals all have opinions on the matter (including myself obviously). Everyone is grasping for some kind of resolution through their finger pointing, their encouraging, and their commentaries. One thing is certain—we can all tell that something is wrong. There is something about this kind of story that doesn’t sit well with our stomachs. There is something about all of this that demands reaction and response. These kinds of situations always draw our attention, and for some reason we deem them significant enough to provide commentary. Even if another’s sexual oppression doesn’t keep us up at night, it still causes us to dust off our “moral” compasses and find our bearings.

I’d like to try and discuss the reality of sex and sexuality in my culture. I believe that we have all tricked ourselves into claiming that we can have our cake and eat it too. I’ve grown up in a culture that pushes for liberty in all aspects of life. The general consensus seems to be that liberty should also be a key feature of sex. We can sleep with who we please in whatever quantities we please. We can consume any sexual content we please (as long as it is legal). And we can publicly present our physical forms in any way see fit. On paper these freedoms not only sound liberating, but they also are completely sound and logical juxtaposed to the rest of our lives. Our sexual activities are now interwoven into the western narrative of freedom of choice and expression. And this all a wonderfully fine concept—if we could actually handle it. It is incredibly natural, and right, to blame and punish a man who commits sexual assault against a woman. Our culture has made tremendous strides in empowering women to become free from the sexual oppression of men. We still have much to accomplish, but I think it can be argued that progress is happening. But if sexual oppression was a dance, then it takes two to tango (sorry about that awfulness I just wrote). What I’m trying to say is we’ve focused on empowering women, but I haven’t heard many people ask the question, “How do we stop our men from committing these acts?”. We, of course, have laws in place that make certain actions illegal, but any rational person knows that they are simply not enough. Human trafficking, prostitution, rape, cat calling, persistent sexual texts, groping, flashing, revenge porn, and everything else under the sun still frequently occurs in our communities. So again, I ask… how do we stop our men from committing these acts? I’ve heard this pat answer from both men and women alike: men just need to control themselves, they need to be better, and they need to not be perverts. Let me just say, I completely agree with that statement, but let’s dive into the experience of the modern man and hopefully get a bit of a reality check. I’m only focusing so heavily on the male experience because I don’t want to even attempt to speak on behalf of women when it comes to sex… that is not my place nor do I have any authority on the subject.

A majority of our boys are subject to the culture I previously described. They are raised to embrace the idea of sexual liberty. Porn is normalized for our youth, and it is even made more of a joke than a serious subject. The young boy consumes countless hours of content with scantily clad women who aim to please the male audiences. Then this same boy goes to college and is further liberated to physically embrace those he deems attractive. He can sleep with who he wants in what quantities he wants, as long as consent is involved (but we all know of countless cases where it is not). We give him snapchat to receive nude photos of girls who he can’t be with physically, and we give him tinder to streamline the process of anonymous sex. And when those mediums don’t produce results, we give him porn to consistently feed his sexual drive. And after his brain has been conditioned, partially due to his fault, we ask him to control himself. I ask in return, control himself with what? These men who commit sexual atrocities haven’t been plucked out of some foreign culture—we’ve raised them up. They’re home grown. I understand that mental health can account for a portion sexual oppression incidents, but it can’t write them all off. If we watch that same boy grow to his middle ages, what do you think will happen? What happens when his youthful attraction leaves him? What happens when the girls don’t double take him or flirt with him? What happens when he inevitably transitions from holding nothing back from himself (complete sexual liberty) to the point where sex with beautiful is unavailable? I would argue that it’s not illogical to conclude that prostitution is a natural next step. Our culture is currently holding men to a standard that we have not created. The reality is that sexual atrocities still happen on an almost hourly basis. We shake our fists and scoff, but then we inevitably champion the ideologies that are partially responsible.

The inception of this thought process came when I was watching a fb video of Ashton Kutcher. He was speaking to congress on the issue of human trafficking. He went into detail of the horrors of child trafficking in our nation. He spoke on being a father of his own young daughter and displayed his absolute anger he had towards the monsters who would ever think of purchasing her body. He made completely valid, and almost righteous, arguments. He’s even started a wonderful nonprofit that combats child trafficking. But… he’s also on the show Two And a Half Men. I really don’t want to sound like a stout conservative dad, but anyone who has ever watched that show knows what it’s about. The show produces episode after episode of new attractive women who exist to please the male characters and the male audience. We can absolutely have our anger and our desire for justice (it is our right), but can we also knowingly support our current culture? Is it actually possible to have both? Can we have the man who is allowed complete sexual liberty (in his youth), and who also has complete control over that same sexuality? I encourage you to give those questions thought.

The last thing I can think of to drive home my point is this—Vegas. We all want our fun weekend in Vegas with our friends. Even those of us who aren’t planning on visiting more “adult” attractions still want a weekend of good times. But here’s the thing… Vegas can’t exist as just the fun weekend. If we want Vegas to exist we also have to exist everything that comes with the city—violence, prostitution, gambling addiction, drug addiction, human trafficking, and everything else under the sun. The “good” and the “bad” of Vegas are intertwined. It would be nice if they were independent of one another… but they are not. If you want the city to exist for your fun weekend, then you have to be accept that the city also exists as a prison for the girls who are trafficked there. You may not personally contribute to that trafficking, but our culture knows that is no longer a cop out. I’ve seen too many boycotts of companies because some horrible truth was revealed about them. If you stop buying your shoes due to child labor, would it not be logical to stop giving money to a city due to child trafficking? My point is that you can’t have Vegas without its unpleasant reality, and, just maybe, we can’t have sexual liberty without its unpleasant realty. Many people might say that my claims are outrageous, but I would ask them to really think about it? These sexual atrocities still happen to this day. We would claim that we are the most modern thinkers, and yet we still can’t stop it. Our activism, our justice systems, and our morals themselves seem to be completely powerless against sexual oppression. What actual hope do we have for stopping this? In my opinion—we have the life, the death, and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is the only entity that pulled me out. Maybe He was just a coping mechanism for my shame, maybe I’m just messed up in the head, or maybe I’ve actually found the truth in Him.

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punkrockkenzie · 5 years ago

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Be The Author Of Your Own Story

I hope that through this, as well as anything I write, you are able to find yourself in it. To whoever needs this, you are strong, you are brave, and you are perfect in your imperfections.

When I was young, I tried really hard to be what was expected of me. I did what I was told, for the most part, and I held straight A's in school because it was what I was supposed to do. I was told all the time that I was smart, and that I would be wasting my life if I didn't grow to achieve what it seemed was predestined for me to achieve. I mean, in the first grade I wrote that when I grew up I wanted be a lawyer. Truth is, I didn't even know what I lawyer was but it was what was dictated to me so as most kids do, I trusted that it was correct.

As I grew, I found that the more I tried to be what I was supposed to be, the harder it was for me to make anyone truly happy, let alone myself. I wasn't thinking about what I wanted or what I needed because no one ever asked me. I didn't even know that was an option. I knew that I struggled with anxiety. I was painfully shy. I hated confrontation and yelling. I also knew that none of those things would be able to assist me in getting to where I was told I should be. If I cried, I was told to suck it up, don't be a baby, "you're too sensitive". If I was bothered I was told, oh well, things aren't made for you. If I was scared, I was told there was no reason for me to afraid, and I had to toughen up. What my mom didn't wan't to raise, was someone who was weak. There was not much room for human emotion, that was weakness. On top of that, when something went wrong, or veered from the plan, she was outright terrifying to younger me. There was yelling and physical punishments and anything I said in rebuttal was more reason for her to continue until she received total and utter submission.

When I was driven into the depths of a massive eating disorder, I wasn't met with concern and hugs. I was given cold hard faces and disappointment. I was given hurt and more failure. I had no outward power over myself, so the only way I could maintain something for myself was to believe she, or whoever for that matter could think what they wanted, but that didn't mean I had been broken. For a long while, I just played the game. I did what I was told. I reacted the way I was supposed to. I showed what she wanted to see. That was until I didn't. After my rape (See Too Drunk To Do The Devil's Tango), I felt there was nothing for me to hold onto anymore. In a sense, I felt the good in my soul was gone and I was a voided wasteland of problems. I had been told before, "I'm not the one with the problem, you are.." I didn't believe it then, but man did it stick in the long run. Basically, at this point, the ripe old age of 13 or so, I gave up. I thought that I had tried for so long to be what everyone else wanted. It had still gotten me hit, yelled at, cursed at, grounded; more so, it had still gotten me raped. I didn't care anymore, not at what people thought of me, not of what I thought about myself, not about if I was making good or bad choices, not about if I woke up in the morning or not; I was empty and numb and terribly alone. I drank, I partied, I smoked, I had sex, I snuck out....I became everything that those punishments had taught me I was; a problem. At least now there was a reason for me to take the crap. At least now I could rationalize what I had experienced. I was doing terribly in school. Not because I couldn't do it, but because I didn't want to do it. I was done with people telling me how and when and why. All I wanted was to be free. To be grown. To be my own damn person. I detested school.

By my freshman year of high school, a time when kids should be exploring themselves and their interests and goals and friends, I had more Saturday schools then there were Saturdays in the year. I asked my councilor if I could go to Independent Study instead. At least that showed some signs of freedom; some promise of light at the end of the tunnel. I was told that if I could bring my grades up by the end of the semester, they would let me transfer. That was all I needed to hear and so, within weeks I was more than just a "passing" student. I went to Independent Study from the end of my freshman year, to the middle of my sophomore year. I learned that I could take the CA Exit Exam as a possible early out. If I passed the English and the Math sections, I would finally be FREE. Grown. Out. Done. I took it, low and behold I passed it, and by the middle of my 10th grade year, I had my certificate of proficiency. I left with my high school diploma in hand, and never, ever looked back.And then came my daughter. Shortly thereafter I became pregnant with my oldest daughter. My mom told me to get an abortion. I told her no. She tried for a while. I still said no. Once it was realized that I wasn't going to budge in my feelings towards getting rid of the "issue", the concern then became that I wasn't married. How could I possibly have a child without being married!? I had to get him to marry me. Marriage. Huh. Well, I'd get to leave at least. Sure, why not.

At 16 years old, I was signed away and married. I left to my "wedding" in Vegas, and never returned back to the place I once laid my head. I was gone for 10 years. 10 years without a guiding hand. 10 crucial years of raising kids and trying to be a wife while still growing up myself. The issue was, I didn't know who I was supposed to grow into. All I had been told was to go to college, be a lawyer, be a proper "born again Christian", but none of this fit into who I felt myself to be or the life I was in. Sure I believed In God, I had been through too much to deny the existence of something much bigger than us, something good and grand and perfect; but I found no comfort in Religion. I couldn't understand it. I felt it was used to justify the horrible treatment of others and truthfully it went against everything I felt God to be. I didn't really want to be a lawyer. Matter of fact, I didn't know what I wanted to be. I knew if I could choose anything I would have been a singer or an actress or something amazing like that. I also knew that felt like a pipe dream. Be realistic, I'd hear. So, there went that. I knew I tried beauty school. I liked it, it was nice....but forever? Like, for eva eva? Hm. Not so sure that was me either. See, I never had the chance to explore who I truly was and who I wanted to become. I was mature in so many ways because of having to council myself for so long, but in the ways of life, I was very much stunted. I didn't know how to vulnerable, or be scared, or ask for help. All I knew was to deal with it. And there was so very much that I was simply "dealing with" for way too long.

Funny enough, the first time I ever really felt like me, the genuine me, was when I was in my early-mid 20s. I had my best friend, and great group of girls who had, like me, raised and developed ourselves. We had been on own for a long while, and had been denied the pleasures of being able to grow as we should have. I had a job that while I'm glad now didn't pan out the way it was at the time, gave me a sense of independence and adoration and the freedom I so desperately craved. I had my children who were happy and healthy and precious. I had a sense of pride in myself that I had never felt before. I even met someone who made me truly happy. Life, for the first time in forever, was becoming my own.....

Nothing lasts forever though right?

Right. The divorce happened. I got married out of necessity, because I was told it was the right the thing do. Instead of happily ever after though, it was more like, from the oven into the fire. I was married to someone who was very controlling. Someone who was manipulative and extremely cruel at times. Someone who didn't care to ask about my feelings, my wants, my needs or desires. Someone who felt all too familiar to how things had been in the years prior, and so, just as I always had I "dealt with it". I dealt with it until it was affecting my children more than I was able to protect them. I dealt with it until that person I had met and fallen for had shown me that people can be caring and kind and funny and sweet. I dealt with it, until I whole heartedly couldn't anymore. Until I didn't want to anymore.

As a final stab at control, my then husband had me and the kids kicked out of our home. He took everything we had. He turned off the internet. He took my job. He took any money that was available. He tried to take my kids. What he wanted, was for it to kill me, but I refused to die. See, if he had paid attention, he would've known that I had already lived through things that felt like death, and as hard as it all was, I was never going to give anyone the satisfaction of putting the nail in my coffin.

What it did do though, that final stab, was drop me to the ground for a while. A long while. After 10 years of being gone, after 16 years of being told who I was, after 7 years of self discovery and after 1 year of happiness, I had no choice but to return to where I once called home, to a place where I was never going to be my own self. In almost an instant, I was thrown back into the oven from which I once emerged and battered with who I should be and what I was. Beyond that, what I was becoming; was still not good enough. "So what are you going to do? You have to do something. Get a job. You need to pay us rent." I got a job. A 10.00 an hour, still taking my kids to school and picking them up and going back to work after, job. A work up to 11 hours or more job. A pay back the money for the divorce lawyer, job. I got a damn job. "You are gone too much. You work too much. I am not a babysitter. Take care of your own kids. Why are you sleeping? Be a better mother. Go to school."Well which is it? Work, or stay home with the kids? "You are so ungrateful. Unthankful. Ms. Know-it-all. Clean up more. You're a slob. So messy. No wonder Jason left you."

He didn't leave me. He was never truly with me. Were you there? Did you see the years of cheating? Of abuse? Of tears? Did you see that I was the only one to ever get up with the kids? How about being dropped to the ground so hard that I thought my head split. How about the multiple concussions or busted jaw? Is that why he left me? I filed for divorce remember?"You're a leach. A mooch. Be a lawyer."I don't want to be a lawyer."Then you get what you get for not listening."

The divorce took 3 1/2 years. I did most of it on my own. Drowning in paper work and court hearings and massive problematic crippling anxiety. No, I did not want to be a lawyer. Time though, kept passing. I was back out of the house with my kids, about a year after moving in and it took me around another 3 years just to be able to feel like some sort of normal. I looked at what was around me. Truly, for the first time in a long time, looked. I saw that my kids were growing, there is someone in my life who has never let me believe a bad thing about myself, I am fully divorced, and now, I'm damn old. I've made it to 30 and no where closer to that happiness I felt being all of myself, all of my true self in 2012-2013. I have once again let what I want, who I am, who I want to be, take a back seat in my own life's journey because I am scared to let those people who tell me who I should be, stand correct. I am scared to fail. I am scared to never be me. I am terrified to tell those people, that the woman writing this is the truth and the pleasantries are just a coping mechanism. I am scared to admit that while I know I am a grown woman, so much of me still feels like a girl. I am worried that they were right. That I should have been an effing lawyer.

Then, I think about what my life would be if that were the case. If my life followed the direction of others instead of my internal passions and callings. I might have my own house, and great credit. I might have vacations without worry and giant thousand dollar birthday parties. I might. Those things would be amazing. I know what I would have though. I'd have enough anxious energy to run a city block. I'd have regret. I'd have an inner ache for more. I'd have a sense of falsehood. I'd have less of a soul for selling myself short. Those things would be deathly.So, here I am. Typing away. Embracing the me I want to be. The me I am trying to once again find and grab and never let go of.

Old.(er) Stressed. Wondering. Questioning. Financially struggling.

True.Honest.Raw.Open.Healing.Almost Free.

It is hard, harder than it should be to be the person you want to be. There are so many people and things and places telling you where to go and what to amount to. I've tried following it. Even if it's easier sometimes, it's not better. Just like I am trusting that I have something to offer through my passions, you have to trust that you know what is best for you. Even if people have other plans for life. Take back the driver's seat. Find your own direction even if it takes getting lost once in a while. Take back the pen. Be the author of your own life. Even if you are staring at a lot of empty pages. Fill them with truths. Fill them with hopes. Fill them with triumphs and fill them with failures. Fill them, and then never let go of your pen. Much Love, Now And Always KBXO

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enzaime-blog · 7 years ago

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Jake’s Struggling Story from Autism

New Story has been published on http://enzaime.com/jakes-struggling-story-autism/

Jake’s Struggling Story from Autism

As the alarm rings, Jake awakes from his deep sleep, and thinks to himself, “It’s just too early to get up, I just need 10 more minutes.” Like most teenagers, Jake rolls over, hits the snooze button, and goes back to sleep. Thirty minutes later, Jake reluctantly rolls out of bed, hops into the shower, and gets ready for the day. After a quick breakfast, Jake is off to school. As he leaves the house, his mother tells him that he needs to come directly home after school because he has sailing practice. He hops on his bike and rides to Nobel Middle School.

Walking through the halls, Jake can only think about all the great things that the summer will bring — there is the family vacation to Washington DC, riding his bike with his friends, swimming at the beach, Jr. Guards and his favorite activity, sailing. As Jake continues to walk through the halls, he spots a group of his closest friends, and decides to join them before math class begins. The conversation is the same as on all other days — talking about the latest movies, which teachers they currently don’t like, which girls they think are cute, and summer plans. As Jake is talking, another alarm rings, only this one tells him that he must hurry up and get to class. Over the next six hours Jake goes to and from class. Jake is in the GATE program and begins by going to math, then science, history, orchestra class, where he plays the clarinet, and finally football. While in class, Jake is usually paying attention to the teacher, but there are times when he daydreams instead.

When the final bell rings, indicating that school is over, Jake races home for a quick snack and then is off to sailing practice. The rest of the night is filled with his regular routine — come home from practice, do homework, a family dinner, and then play video games, sometimes with his younger brother, Nick.

Jake’s story is like so many other eighth grade boys. However, Jake is not like any average teenager. When Jake was four years old, he was diagnosed with Autistic Disorder (DSM IV-299.00). Fortunately for Jake and his family, he has been able to achieve what many people would consider a miracle. It is what researchers have described as obtaining “best outcome” which is defined as not needing supports at school and being indistinguishable to his peers, his teachers, and others in the community. And most importantly Jake is happy! He is excelling at school, has a good group of friends and has a bright outlook for the future. Though Jake has reached “best outcome” status, his path has not been easy. It has taken a great deal of hard work from professionals, from his parents, and most importantly, from Jake himself. This is Jake’s story.

The Journey Starts

The initial focus of therapy was to reduce Jake’s ritualistic play while expanding his language skills. If we were able to increase his appropriate play skills and language, it would facilitate his socialization skills. Obviously, we would be addressing those behaviors that greatly interfered with developing friendships as well as those that interfered with learning. Therapists would play Jake’s favorite games but gradually they would change the way they played. For example, they varied what color piece they used, who started and even some of the rules. Continuously, therapists insisted that he use more language, facilitating his spontaneous comments as well as asking questions. Early success occurred with intervention as Jake started to communicate more appropriately and engaged in less ritualistic behaviors.

Though success was initially seen, therapy also revealed additional skills that needed intervention. For example, Jake was extremely competitive and would exhibit tantrum behaviors any time he lost. Jake also became more and more non-compliant with his therapists and his parents, often refusing to participate in therapy or follow requests from his mother. Intervention was implemented to address these issues. For example, Jake received his favorite reinforcers when he graciously lost. He was also reinforced for compliance but would lose his turn when he didn’t follow instructions. We also began a frustration tolerance program to help address his intolerance to losing, with the eventual goal of teaching him coping skills. His competitiveness was simply creating social problems and therefore we felt we needed to address it directly. But the biggest concern was starting to become apparent. Jake was a bundle of emotions. He appeared to be angry and sometimes a very sad little boy.

Years Two & Three

The next two years of therapy had many up and downs for Jake, his parents, and his therapists. There were wonderful successes but these were tempered with emerging behavioral challenges. Although his language was exploding and it was extremely clear that he was bright, it also became clear that it was critical to even more directly address his disruptive behaviors. Jake’s non-compliance and attempts to “control the world” were greatly hindering therapy and certainly the development of friendships. Although Jake had outstanding skills, as long as he continued to refuse to listen and withdraw from peers it really didn’t matter!

Teaching Jake to become a better listener became a prime objective. To accomplish this goal a compliance hierarchy was established. Instructions were assigned to one of three categories: those with the highest probability of compliance; those Jake would follow sometime; and those to which he would rarely respond. If Jake complied with any instruction he received a great deal of reinforcement. However, if Jake did not follow directions, staff would remain neutral and he would lose the opportunity to receive reinforcement.

This intervention resulted in drastic improvements. We then expanded the frustration tolerance program. Initially, we taught Jake to recognize when he was feeling angry versus happy. We believed that if Jake could become better at identifying his emotions he would be more able to cope with his frustration. At the same time we taught him to use guided imagery when he felt mad. Jake learned to think of his favorite cartoon character as soon as he started feeling the least amount of anger. The enjoyment he felt by imagining his favorite character had the effect of reducing his anger. Eventually the situations that triggered frustration were greatly reduced.

We also implemented an extensive play program to reduce his obsession with Star Wars (e.g., perseverating on the topic, insisting on only playing with Star Wars figures). We believed by expanding his play interests and building new passions we would reduce his intense interest in Star Wars. We picked interests that other boys his age demonstrated. So soccer and baseball became our focus. We hoped that this would facilitate the development of social relationships. We more directly addressed his social development by increasing his skills in paying attention to his peers, following their lead and joining in on conversations.

Kindergarten brought on new challenges, new behaviors, and big changes for Jake. The first issue that had to be resolved was whether support staff should go to school with Jake to help ensure success. Although Jake had made tremendous gains and was rapidly approaching becoming indistinguishable, it was feared that inattention and noncompliance might again creep in and eventually set him apart. Moreover, his fascination with Star Wars could emerge again without monitoring.

After much deliberation we determined that it would be in Jake’s best interest if staff were present. However, staff were instructed to be as unobtrusive as possible. There would not be any systematic contingency system, and assistance would only be provided as absolutely necessary. Staff were given the analogy that they were to act as if they were a “secret agent”. They should only become visible in an emergency! The students and their parents should never be able to detect that they were Jake’s shadow. They should be perceived as a classroom aide that the school district generously provided for the entire class.

Intervention at school mainly focused on increasing Jake’s independence, ability to attend and learn within a natural group setting, and of course social relationships. More specifically, targeted goals were Jake following group and individual instructions, paying attention to the teacher, staying on task, social interactions, staying in the group, and noticing what the other children were doing. Intervention was quite successful. Jake’s ability to learn in a group and pay attention to the teacher increased dramatically. He also became quite independent in the classroom. He was able to follow the class rules and schedule and complete tasks on his own.

Although Jake was having daily triumphs it was also becoming clear that Jake was having trouble simply being a child! He was not socially interacting. He would not talk to or even play with his peers. Jake appeared to be disinterested and was unwilling to socialize. It became critical that we develop programs to address these issues, to avoid him being stigmatized as a loner. More importantly, if we couldn’t increase his social interest we risked serious repercussions that could ultimately affect the quality of his life. Two other issues that were emerging were (1) Jake was growing tired of therapy and the demands that were being placed on him and (2) he exhibited a noticeably sad demeanor in school and at home.

The Elementary School Years

The course became clear! We were no longer concerned about academics and cognitive functioning. The mission was to concentrate all of our efforts on providing Jake the skills and interests so that he could develop meaningful friendships. Our expectation was that this would successfully address his depression as well.

We began by exposing Jake to situations that would facilitate his interactions outside of school. His parents arranged for play dates at their house. Although it was not always easy to find the right peer and parents who were agreeable, they were persistent in their efforts. This allowed therapists to work on social skills in a more structured setting than in school. In addition, Jake attended a sports camp which provided Jake the opportunity to interact with multiple children in a less formal setting. Finally, Jake started to participate in Little League and AYSO, which gave him additional children with whom to interact.

It was critical to develop individualized programs to help Jake learn the prerequisite skills needed to increase social interactions. A “cool-not cool” program was implemented in which Jake had to learn to discriminate between behaviors that were socially acceptable (labeled “cool”) and those behaviors that were not socially acceptable (“not cool”). Issues such as sharing, compromising and not perseverating were common targets. To teach these discriminations, one of his therapists acted out a behavior that was either socially appropriate or a behavior that was socially inappropriate. Jake’s job was to tell his therapist if the behavior was “cool” (i.e., socially acceptable) or “not cool” (i.e., socially unacceptable). Jake’s next responsibility was to demonstrate the behavior in a “cool” manner.

Gradually, we began to see slight improvements. Jake was less off-putting in the classroom. However, during recess, lunch, or after school he still remained unapproachable. Nonetheless, we remained encouraged by the slight progress and continued in our efforts. Weekly, we started seeing Jake becoming more interested in social interaction; both inside and outside the classroom. As Jake became more socially engaged, peer approval became far more powerful. His perseverative and highly competitive behaviors started to reduce. Not surprisingly his peers became more accepting and then interested in him. One peer, Andy, captured his interest. His parents jumped on the opportunity and invited Andy for play dates and outings.

After Jake and Andy became friends we saw incredible improvements in Jake’s social interactions. He was becoming more social during unstructured times (e.g., recess, lunch, and after school), he started to play more with peers, and was increasing the amount of time that he engaged in play. In addition, the frequency of inappropriate behaviors that were often displayed during social interactions, such as gazing or slight body self stimulation (e..g, hand movements) decreased dramatically. But the job was far from over.

It was the goal for Jake’s cognitive functioning to continue to stay at grade level despite the tremendous increase in academic difficulty. At the same time, we wanted to decrease the assistance he needed to help him through the school day to avoid his being stigmatized by the additional attention he was receiving. In order for Jake to remain successful in the general education classroom it was important to make sure his academic skills were on par with his peers. Fortunately, Jake was a very intelligent child who had many strengths and was able to learn new skills and concepts quickly. Although Jake was clearly an intelligent child, he did have some noticeable deficits compared to other children in his class. As concepts became more abstract and therefore more difficult for him, he started paying less attention. A majority of the time, Jake would engage in competing behaviors such as gazing, looking down at his desk, or engaging in other self-stimulatory behaviors. If Jake did not pay attention to the teacher, clearly he would not be able to learn the material thereby requiring the need for a behavioral assistant, perhaps for the remainder of his education.

We contemplated many different programs ranging from subtle to quite intrusive. We had always rejected being intrusive. We simply did not want Jake to be identified. But, we felt that he needed extremely comprehensive programs that would require his shadows to provide him constant feedback. We rationalized that his behaviors were already distinguishing him as a student that needed assistance. Also, he had true friends. His friendships were based upon reciprocity and not because his friends felt they needed to take care of him or be nice to him. They simply had common interests and wanted to be his friend. So we were slightly less concerned about the repercussions of our being intrusive. We conferred with his parents. They had always been reluctant for him to be identified, but they understood the stakes and gave us their support.

The goal was to eventually decrease Jake’s need for behavioral assistance by increasing his attention span when presented with difficult material. We also wanted to teach him to be better able to identify when it was important to pay attention and when it was not as important. Most importantly, we needed to teach Jake to self monitor his attention. The foundation of the program was that he received tokens when displaying sustained attention. These tokens were exchanged at home for reinforcers (e.g., watching extra TV, buying baseball cards, playing on the computer). It became critical for us to transfer assistance provided to Jake from the shadow to his teacher. We desperately wanted to completely fade his shadows by the end of elementary school so that he could attend Middle School without any support. A fading program was put into place so that instructional control could transfer from the behavioral assistants to the teacher.

The teacher gradually became responsible for providing all instructions as well as providing feedback. Additionally, if Jake needed assistance, he was to ask the teacher and not his support staff. If for any reason Jake needed help, the behavioral assistants were instructed to give prompts either through a gesture or a non-verbal prompt. The third step of the fading program was for the behavioral assistant to walk around the room and help the other children in the class, forcing Jake to become more independent. We had gone back to secret agent mode. As Jake’s success rate increased, the behavioral assistants started to fade out the time that they were in the classroom, gradually increasing the amount of time Jake was in the class without them. Shadows were encouraged to systematically leave the classroom for prolonged periods of time. Eventually, it was planned for them to be “sick”.

Once the shadows were away for considerable durations of time, a change was made in the reinforcement system that was being implemented. It was determined that the token system that was being used was too cumbersome for the teacher and it needed to be changed so that both Jake and the teacher would be successful. The token system switched over to a simple self-monitoring system in which Jake was responsible for monitoring his own behavior and the teacher would then agree or disagree with Jake’s self-evaluation. The final component of the fading process was the removal of behavioral assistance all together so that Jake would be in the classroom by himself. In order to make sure that Jake would become successful, behavioral assistants who were unknown to Jake would occasionally go in the classroom pretending to be a teacher’s aide, and would monitor Jake’s behavior.

In his last year of elementary school, he was able to attend the school’s annual tradition of sending the fifth graders to a mountain retreat for a week where they were able to learn about nature and the ecology of the mountains. This was something his parents previously could only dream would happen. Additionally, while in the fifth grade, Jake won the school-wide spelling bee. By the end of elementary school, Jake was able to attend the classroom without an aide and was above grade level in all subjects. More importantly he continued to have meaningful friendships. It seemed as if everything was going well for Jake, as he was excelling in most areas of his life. However, Jake still continued to exhibit signs of depression. To help Jake with this concerning area, he started to receive behavioral counseling once a week after school from one of the behavioral supervisors at Autism Partnership.

The majority of the sessions were devoted to discussing Jake’s recognition of him being slightly different. He realized that it was harder for him to concentrate than his friends. Also there were times that it was hard for him to want to interact. Perhaps his biggest issue was not wanting to have support because he was embarrassed and stressed by having people constantly focus on the things that were ”wrong” with him. Jake and his counselor discussed various coping strategies he could use. They also talked about the typical struggles of adolescents. But perhaps the most valuable aspect was Jake simply being able to talk to someone about his issues. What became clear was that it was imperative for Jake to understand why he was different and why he was receiving support. We felt it was essential that he be informed about his diagnosis and therefore why we were “bugging him!”

Naturally, this was not our decision. His parents had to not only concur but strongly support such a decision!

Revealing the Diagnosis

Since Jake was originally only going to be in intervention for a short time, his parents had hoped they would never have to tell Jake or others outside of the grandparents and a few close friends about his diagnosis. They had started couples counseling in March 1996 when Jake was almost 5 years old to deal with the devastating issues that surround a family who has a child with Autism: marital stress involving differences in reactions to the diagnosis and prognosis, huge demands on time and reduced privacy, attempting to prevent people from knowing about Jake’ diagnosis and the isolation that creates and to just be able to discuss the emotions regarding the roller coaster ride involved in watching your child go through this enormous struggle. The decision to tell Jake required that Todd and Grace directly face all of their fears and sadness about the diagnosis. Preparing them for being able to tell Jake in an open, supportive, and optimistic way was critical.

The parent’s therapist, Jake’s counselor, Todd and Grace all met to strategize about the best way for all to manage this undertaking. Essentially a script was developed covering the information that Jake needed to be provided and points that his parents wanted him to understand regarding why this information had been withheld. Everyone brain-stormed about possible questions that Jake might have and the best responses to those questions. Having a specific plan for the words to use in the discussion was extremely useful in helping Todd and Grace feel more in control of the situation. Work would begin on preparing Jake for the actual telling and the process that would follow.

In their sessions, Jake’s counselor had introduced the importance of being familiar with your strengths and weaknesses and understanding that everyone has areas that are difficult for them. They were co-authoring a story that involved a character that was gifted with various super powers. The counselor suggested to Jake that maybe they explore what it would be like if their character also had a learning disability. Famous people that also happened to have disabilities with specific labels were mentioned.

Presenting to Jake the reality that struggles, and figuring out ways to deal with those struggles, are a factor in everyone’s life was a focus during sessions.

When the agreed upon time came, Todd and Grace started the conversation with Jake in his bedroom and sailed through the previously dreaded process. After all the anticipation, Jake had few questions and seemed satisfied with the explanation for why he had been receiving all of those annoying therapy sessions for so long. Most notably, he later apologized to his counselor for thinking that the staff had been bugging him for all of those years and what a pain he must have been. It was made clear to Jake that any time he wanted to talk about his Autism or had any questions, that both his parents and his counselor would be completely available. The hurdle was passed which provided relief for everyone involved, especially for his parents.

Moving On

In June of 2003, Jake was promoted from elementary school. Standing in front of all the parents, families, and other children no one was able to identify any difference between Jake and his classmates. Shortly afterwards, Jake went back to UCLA for another follow-up assessment. This assessment revealed that he had above average intelligence. But perhaps more exciting was that he was socially adept. He was empathic, sensitive and socially wise!

Even though this was an exciting time for Jake and his family, it was also a scary time. Jake was now going to be going into middle school, where he would be facing dealing with several teachers, rather than just one. Middle school also brought more difficult classes, which would require that Jake pay even more attention. Middle school would prove to be a very exciting and challenging time for Jake.

Any concerns we had were quickly alleviated. Despite being placed in GATE classes and even without supports he was not only succeeding but was doing “A” work. He was navigating the challenging world of middle school, getting to class on time on a big campus, and being the little fish in the big pond.

Conclusion

In June of 2006, Jake walked across the stage and received his promotion certificate from Nobel Middle School. With a big smile on his face, his family taking pictures, and his friends giving him “high fives” on his way off stage, you could never have known all the hard work that made this moment possible. From the initial assessment at UCLA diagnosing Jake as having Autism, to the initial meeting at Autism Partnership, to the countless hours of therapy, to the final assessment at UCLA showing that he had reached best outcome, having an IQ of 120, all seemed worthwhile. Now at the age of fourteen, Jake will be heading off to a private high school without the support of Autism Partnership and without other than the typical worry of what the future will hold. The future remains bright for Jake — four years from now he will be walking across the stage of his high school and getting prepared to attend any college of his choice — that is if he can keep from socializing too much!

#incredible improvements #initial focus of therapy #Little League and AYSO #supports #Autism

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