#like a constant repeat of a variation on those phrases

[forest-from-the-trees]

i always feel so stupid when i want things. like i dont feel like im allowed to want anything. and i swear to god every time i muster up the courage and try to express some kind of want, the idea always gets rejected. it makes it so fucking hard for me to not just always accommodate and push through anything for other people when they want to see me because I'll do anything for the opportunity to see them. when we have plans i rarely (if ever) tell my partner that im not up for doing something or going somewhere that day, even if its really bad, because i want to hang out with them and i know that if i say no, i wont get the chance to see them again as soon as id like to. so i power through every time. plus things arent so bad when im with them. is this healthy? no. do i want to see them so badly that i will keep doing that every time? yes. and like! they've canceled on me many times. cause thats what regular people do. they cancel plans when they don't feel well even if its someone they wanted to see. idk. It feels so fucking desperate on my part and i feel like i always look so clingy and needy.

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[apocalypsenowredux]

i’ve been feeling a bit retrospective after watching reservoir dogs. specifically about about quentin’s constant use of ‘fuck’ and its variations. listen i don’t give a flying fuck about how many times he uses it or why, but he really doesn’t use it to its full potential. quentin uses it in a way where the word ‘fuck’ itself is the joke instead of using it to amplify other jokes, and i think it’s a shame. you can only say ‘fuck’ or call someone a fucker on its own so many times before the joke runs thin. his use of it is akin to an elementary school boy who just learned the word penis. now, if quentin was smart, he would use it as a, say, liaison for better, wittier jokes. consider; instead of constantly describing mr. blonde as ‘a fucking psycho’ or saying he went ‘fucking psycho’, as was oft repeated by mr. white, he could have instead replaced one of those utterances with something under the lines of, ‘i’m working with fucking norman bates’. now, i know some of you will say that i’m doing exactly what quentin did, but you’re wrong. you see, with quentin’s use of ‘fuck’ you are more drawn to the swear itself than the content of the phrase. sure he’s a psycho, but he’s a fucking psycho. it doesn’t matter what word you pop onto the end of that sentence, your focus is drawn to the fact that he’s a fucking one, no matter what he actually fucking is. his use of a plain and ambiguous noun leaves the strength of the sentence hanging onto the use of ‘fuck’ instead of the actual meaning and purpose of the sentence. on the contrary, my use of ‘fuck’ is to emphasize the rest of the sentence as opposed to itself. indeed, you will remember that i compared mr. blonde to norman bates, and by peppering in fucking norman bates you’re called to pay extra attention to a hopefully memorable allusion, something that quentin buddy didn’t set up. to that i say; written and directed by quentin tarantino? more like written and directed by fucking madonna on die another day.

[kagebros]

Sanctuary (A Shockop Fic)

Summary: Months after Dark Cybertron, Shockwave wants to change their frame. Here's the introspection that comes along with that desire. Warnings: N/A Word Count: 1501

4 million years. It had been over 4 million years that they had felt something. That an emotion was remotely tangible. No longer having to grasp for it as it came back easily. 

No one said it was easy managing them though. When they felt angry, their frame grew hot, filials leaning back as their frame shook. Like an Earth chihuahua ready to lash out. When they felt sad, the hollowness and pain in their chassis would weigh down upon them, filials leaned back all the way, optic in a low golden light, but no tears were shed because they didn’t have the face for it. When they were happy, their filials would waggle back and forth, arms and servos moving frantically about, in a flapping movement like they did before the shadowplay and empurata, optic curled into a crescent to communicate their happiness. It was these little things that they didn’t exactly mind. But sometimes when they felt a surge of emotions, it was overwhelming and easy to feel flooded with static. It was mind numbing. 

The nightmares weren’t exactly the best either. Flashes of memories during the war, back when they felt nothing. Back when they were free to experiment in the name of science. Often in an unhinged manner that made the rest of the Decepticons shudder in fear or cringe in disgust. They’d wake up in the middle of the night. Frame cold, shaking in fear to the point where Optimus would use his arm to pull them close to him in a way to reassure them that this was real. That this was now. That that was then. And that they won’t go back to the way they were. They beat it after all. The shadowplay. There were times they missed it though. The comfort of not having to worry about upholding an image or composure. The comfort of avoiding grief, jealousy, anger, fear, _loneliness _altogether. But would they ever truly be happy then? Of course not. The shadowplay took everything away after all. They would have felt simply neutral. Nothing. They ask themselves every now and then why they would ever want to go back to nothing. It’s hard some days, wanting to go back to nothing. But then they look to Optimus. They look at him and they feel only the most wonderful feelings. It makes it all worth it. 

After all, what is not more wonderful to feel than love?

But the nightmares aren’t getting any better. And every time they look in the mirror it feels foreign. Like it’s not them. Like this frame doesn’t belong to them. Shadowplayed Shockwave may have had 4 million years to get used to this frame. But not now. Not this Shockwave. Not the one who had broken free of the shadowplay. They would have happily gone under a frame change_ under their own terms_. But this? This wasn’t their own terms. It was forced upon them. This was the Senate’s making. This was ultimately Proteus’ work. And Shockwave wanted none of that as acting as a reminder of Proteus’ cruelty. It never was about practicality or even vanity. As much as Shockwave had prided themselves of their looks in the past. It was a way to heal. Or at least start the healing process. Normal wasn’t exactly a standard they would ever meet up to anymore. That wasn’t their goal though. Normal never was part of their vocabulary in the first place. Changing their paint colours, having emotional outbursts that immediately branded them as “unbecoming of a senator”, taking in outliers to care as their own. To hell with normal. 

So when Optimus asks why they want to change, why they want to go back to their old frame, why they want to get rid of the cannon, Shockwave sits him down.

“It’s not a matter of wanting my servos back. It’s because I want to get rid of the weapon that I chose because I deemed it important and efficient for the war. When I was given the option to get my servos back, I opted for one servos and the other as a cannon, A weapon. A tool of war. But this isn’t the war anymore, this isn’t a world of violence as it used to be for the last four million years. And I most certainly don’t want to add to that. Not anymore.”

They sighed heavily in frustration. 

“I _hate _this frame, Orion. I hate what I did in this frame. All the monstrous deeds, all the memories that I should only see in my nightmares but it was a reality for me. Why would I want to stay in a constant reminder of all the horrific experiments I did when I wasn’t myself... I just want to change it. To look like something that isn’t Proteus’ work, to look like someone who didn’t do all of those awful awful experiments. Because despite how hard I try to look past it. That dead bastard is still looming in the shadows of my mind and those memories remain. Maybe this is a way to get him out. Or it’s just a way to lord it over him since well. I’m alive. He’s dead. Thankfully. And maybe I won’t hate looking at myself in the mirror if I were to do this.”

“Will it stop the nightmares though?”

“No, that’s absurd. Those won’t be stopping anytime soon. But this will put me in some ease at least. To know I won’t have the ability to harm again,” they glanced at their cannon, long decommissioned for their own safety and the wellbeing of others. “It most certainly won’t stop the pain I experience every once in a while but there are ways to work around that,” they said, waving their servos. “Just taking this… one step at a time, I guess. This step being my servos and my frame. Getting rid of the cannon will be a big relief, that I am certain. At least I’ll have some agency over myself again.”

“Well, for what it's worth,” Optimus then said. “I can’t wait to see that smile of yours again,” he smiled. Shockwave laughed.

“I think I’m going to be making all sorts of expressions, Orion.”

“Well, nothing I’m not used to,” Optimus chuckled.

“What does that mean,” they scoffed playfully, nudging his shoulder. 

“You made faces, whenever you were working, thinking about something,” he shrugged. 

“Aww, you paid attention to me that much?” Shockwave teased. Optimus only chuckled. They then sighed and leaned their helm against his, closing their optic. “I’m sorry you waited so long for me,” they then said. 

“Don’t be,” Optimus murmured. “It was worth it.” He then kissed the tip of their helm and their filials fluttered. They could hear the subtle purring coming from him and they reluctantly pulled away. 

“I have to go, my therapy appointment is soon,” they said, getting out of the chair. “After that, making the appointment for my frame...” they thought out loud. 

“Are you sure you want to go through this?”

“This I am certain, Orion,” they replied. They understood why he was concerned. He didn’t want them to go through this only to be disappointed in the end. 

“I’ll support whichever decision you go with no matter what. After all, there’s only one Shockwave I love. And that’s you.” ‘It will always be you’ was left unsaid. 

“You always manage to be such a comfort to me, Orion,” Shockwave said fondly. 

“What about me brings so much comfort to you,” he smiled lazily, resting his helm on his servos. 

“You simply existing, being here by my side,” Shockwave replied. This was a verbal waltz the two had every day. “After all you’re still my brightest hope.” Bringing each other up. Repeating the same phrases in a different variation as if to reassure each other that this was right, that this is what they deserved. Both of them. “Ok, you’re going to make me late!” they then laughed. “I’ll see you in the evening.”

Their frame appointment goes smoothly. When they return to the apartment Optimus and Shockwave share, they immediately enter and see Optimus napping in their berthroom. With a soft chuckle, they enter and slide in beside him, their arm propping their helm up as they look at him. When he stirs his optics online with a flicker, their blue dim at first before brightening. And he sees them. He sees them and they’re giving him the brightest smile, their golden optics bright and full of affection. The paint they’ve given themselves are white with lilac and mint highlights. 

“What do you think?” they asked quietly. There’s no response. Only Optimus’ servos reaching for the back of their neck and pulling them close in an embrace as he captures their dermas, kissing them ever so gently. Their optics flicker offline and the two stay there as Shockwave falls into his embrace. 

This can be manageable. Oh so very very manageable. 

[idio-cies]

JATP- Wake Up Dissection

“Wake Up” is structured like a conversation between Julie and her Mother. 

Not only did her Mother (I think we are all agreed on Rose here?) write it for her, knowing that Julie will have a tough time, but she left gaps for Julie to fill. Julie is Rose’s legacy, by Julie filling in the gaps, she is continuing the memory of her mother. This is what Julie realises; she can keep her mother “alive” with music- which figuratively is what Luke, Reggie and Alex experience, and also how Julie “awakens” them in the first place is by playing their music. Anyway. This is about JULIE.

Just a PSA. Wake up is the first song I listened to before I watched the show so I could see if I wanted to watch it or not. Madison absolutely blew me away with her vocals, she has that raw talent that you just can’t autotune to make it that way. That is what had me sold, along with the meaning of this song etc. The raw piano throughout this is one of the reasons why I love this song as well.

This song is so emotionally driven and deep. I have seen people compare it to Unsaid Emily. They do contrast, but mostly point out how Unsaid Emily is possibly more upsetting. Wake Up is emotional, because the journey Julie has in this one song counteracts the sadness, it is meant to make you feel warmer and happier because that is literally what it’s doing for Julie; it is revitalising her!

Anyway the song!

The feel of the keys- She does this in her audition as well, showing how emotionally painful it is.

The piano in this is just beautifully powerful, if you could imagine listening to this as an instrumental, you can almost imagine that the sun is rising… it starts off like nature is waking up, it really is special. Julie’s expressions are so key as well.

“Here’s the one thing that I want you to know, you got someplace to go”- this is her mum telling her that she has talent and that she can see her going far in this pursuit of music. Her Mum is giving her advice in this song. Julie is focused on her mother’s words

“Life’s a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe”- This is pretty self-explanatory. You take life one step at a time, even if it is cumbersome. Julie smiles a little at this, it’s a little bit of rhetoric, as she knows life is tough. 

“You don’t give up, no, you grow”- Julie did give up, she was very close to giving up all together because it was too much for her. But Rose here is giving her that little extra push and love telling her that she will be alright and it’s all part of life. 

“And you use your pain, ‘cause it makes you you”- The expression “it's not what the pain is, it’s how you deal with it” comes into mind. How one responds to pain is what determines what type of person you are. Julie did run away from it, she wasn’t yet ready to face it and move forward. She was letting grief rule her, but Rose here is telling her that pain; adversity can be a blessing. It can make you stronger and brighter. Also look at Julie’s expressions here, she is thinking it over and considering them. She is listening and feeling her mother’s words

“Though I wish I could hold you through it”- This is where it is most prominent (other than the fact that Rose left this song for Julie in the first place) that they all knew her mother was going to pass away. So it was a terminal illness. She is sorry that she is going, but she is trying to give her life and a meaning to keep going in response, because she knows what talent Julie has, and knew how Julie would respond I imagine, hence why she left the song for her. Julie looks up at this point and this is where she chokes up a little. This phrase has a deep connection to when Julie is outside the Orpheum and asks for Rose to hold her and tell her everything will be okay.

“I know it’s not the same, you’ve got living to do, and I just want you to do it” I like how straightforward Rose is though. She knows that physically being there is what is wanted, but she is hoping to get Julie to realise that wallowing in her grief will not allow herself to live a good life that she is destined to have, which is what she needs. 

“So get up, get out, relight that spark.” - Julie suddenly becomes very serious and determined in this moment. She got the heartwarming speech, and now she is being told directly to literally “get up”. This just speaks a lot to me. I’m a lucky person who has a good relationship with my mum, I know not everyone does. But you know when you go through pitfalls throughout life, whether its a scrape of the knee when you’re young, a breakup or fallout, a depressive episode, or not knowing where life is headed for you and you just have a sob and  you wish for your mum (or dad) to be there to just give you a hug and give soothing words, then when you’ve calmed down they tell you that you can continue because they know you are capable, but they urge you on so you realise that for yourself. I can’t imagine losing that. My mum lost her mum last year. They had a rocky relationship to begin with, but ended up with a good relationship and ever since then I realised how much pain my mum must’ve been in, so I very much bawled at this song. 

That little soothing and then the short words of “get up, get out” is what Julie needed. Julie clearly had security from her parents, but she needed a bit more of a push. Interestingly the “soothing” words is the approach that her Dad tries and probably Mr. Turner, which she did not appreciate. Julie also pointed out how she felt everyone around her treated her life she was about to snap. They were being too soft on her, so this little push is what she needed.

“You know the rest by heart”- Rose knows Julie is talented, and that Julie will know what to do when she comes to it. This is the turning point.

“Wake up, wake up if it’s all you do”- I identify this as referring to depression, something that you will no doubt feel when a loved one passes away. Sometimes it’s very hard to just wake up and get out of bed, so the fact that Rose tells her to “wake up if it’s all you do” is something that speaks to me, and also links to when she was saying about taking things a step at a time. 

I need to go off a minute on the cinematography here! First we get the piano which is Julie’s instrument that she inherited(?) from her mother, and the fact that we see it in the dark, and as it progressively gets lighter is another symbol of saying “This is a reflection of Julie” and how the light is coming back into her. 

Then a totally different angle with the sun rising as it literally lights the room. Julie literally reawakens the room with her music. She brings life back into the room (remember when she talks to Emily about how magical and good the studio is). This angle as well makes it look like Julie is some kind of avenging angel. It is meant to isolate her, but it does the exact opposite. You have absolutely no feeling of isolation or sadness. If there was this angle at the beginning then yes it would, but the addition of the sun makes it warm and welcoming.

“It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain”- It’s all about the strength that Julie will gain from her loss. “Raising your voice to the rain” Is such a beautiful line for many reasons. There is a metaphor of whatever Julie creates, is beautiful. I also interpret: Rain can be loud, and metaphorically speaking when you are “grey” or a “clouded mind” you are depressed and that can make your head feel loud and this line is saying to go above that. “Raising” as the sun is raising is very significant. It is “relighting” Julie and that she is the sun breaking through the “rain”. The Sunrise is also symbolic for new beginnings as well. But the rain can be a good thing; it means there is life and nourishment. Julie has found life to herself after the rain, as sun and water are needed in order for a plant to GROW. I mean the plants are literally all behind Julie...

Also I can’t help but think about how the sun and rain work together in this, and there are A LOT of rainbows in this show. I mean I know we have Alex, but there is only one around him and that’s his bracelet which is meant to tell us “This dude’s gay” the other rainbows are something else. 

“Wake up your dream and make it true”- telling her to re-establish her dream, and go for it.

“Look out, look inside of you”- repeat, but this is where we see Ray along with “It’s not what you lost” and I just love that they added her family in. Ray was the one who didn’t want to push her, but was always there to encourage and support her. I added this in with “It’s not what you lost” because I think you can also associate it to her family. He lost too and he was losing another part of Rose with Julie and the instruments and he didn’t want Julie to hurt anymore. He must’ve been so proud of her to just sit at that piano.

“Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark”- a variation of what Rose has already said to Julie, but really hammering home the constant symbolism of Julie being the “spark”. Again, I like how straightforward she is being “Time to come out of the dark”. It’s been a year at this time with Julie and she is at a crossroads, but the song isn’t pushing her so far, it’s literally just like giving her the matches and she’s the one that needs to take one out and light it. 

“Better wake those demons, better look them in the eye”- trample on those demons girl, you’ve got this. I can’t tell whether this is Julie, or Rose. I think it’s Julie considering the rest of the verse. This is ironic. You would expect demons to be “awake” at night, but this song is talking about coming out of the dark, so she is basically bringing light to her flaws/pain, not letting them haunt her and owning them.

“No reason not to try”- she shouldn’t hold herself back because there shouldn’t be anything hindering her. Look at her though! She is enjoying this so much.

“Life can be a mess, I won’t let it cloud my mind”- It is literally Julie’s response to what Rose was telling her about life being a test etc. Julie is embracing it now and she will stand up to fight.

“I’ll let my fingers fly”- I like this. Julie is linked to butterflies (another rebirth symbol), but also with music much of it comes from your fingers anyway by playing instruments or writing music etc., so I just thought this was cute.

“And I use the pain, ‘cause it’s part of me. And I’m ready to power through it”- again responding directly from what her mother told her to use the strength from pain as it makes her who she is. Also just look at how much power and emotion she is putting into these lyrics. She knows she is ready to go forward. She arrived at that herself, she could’ve stopped, or not responded, but she knows. 

“Gonna find the strength, find the melody. ‘Cause you showed me how to do it”- Her mother is within her, she is the one who taught her, but ultimately Julie will ride to her own beat, carrying the memory and legacy of her mother. 

Repeat of the chorus, but she looks up again on “you know the rest by heart”, however, this time it’s  as if she was saying thank you with power and strength under her belt. Julie completely gives herself over to the music as well

I also like that they included Carlos also admiring Julie, he clearly was also proud of her for picking up music again, and I just… I know there wasn’t terribly much with Julie and Carlos but it just shows you how much he looks up to her. Plus, this probably makes him reminisce about his mother in the best possible way as well. Carlos and Ray are kind of the same in this instance, though I would argue to say that Ray was more emotional, Carlos is just more content. 

“So wake that Spirit, spirit”- I do think this is ironic, because of the Phantoms, as well as it being Julie’s spirit inside of her. Julie did ignite the guys’ spirits, metaphorically and physically. Listening to their music is what brought them back, but their spirit for music and being able to connect was also reignited. I mean she literally rises up like a “spirit” in this moment...

“I wanna hear it, hear it” At this point Julie looks up, like she is singing so loud, she wants her mum to hear it. I think these are Rose’s words once again and is the reason Julie is belting up.

“No need to fear it, you’re not alone” Definitely Rose’s words, another reiteration of what has been said previously. Julie has always had the support of her family and Flynn, but she also now has the support of the guys who were the ones who also prodded her to reawakening her music (Luke says about how playing music made him feel alive again and any musician would revell in how it would feel to get it back. This is what gets Julie thinking and what she feels during this song), and literally supported her on stage for the sake of supporting her (see bright performance).

“You’re going to find your way home”- the reassurance of Rose’s words at the beginning after telling her to get up and get out there. There is also a safe space for her to reside

This moment is just so powerful, she has fully succumbed to the music. The sun behind her with the plants and the glass. I just can’t help but feel like this is a sense of refraction because of when I was talking about the rain and sun making rainbows, but anyway. This scene is just beautiful because you just know that they are telling us that she has awoken and that her voice is a gift. That Julie is the light shining as well. It changes angle, and it was not until the third time I watched this song did I notice you see tear stains. She’s smiling, but those tear stains just tell me of the journey she made solely through that song alone, how she would’ve been crying because of the pain but also just crying from elation and figuring out what she has to do with her mother’s gift to her of music. 

This last chorus has “when you feel lost, relight that spark” and I just find it interesting that it pans to Luke with “when you feel lost”. This is important as he felt lost when he regretted running away, and how Julie and Luke’s story are connected in a similar way. Julie “lost” her music and Luke “lost” his chance at repair. But anyway, it’s still all the same message of “you will find your way back, just believe in yourself and your ability because you have the power to be great.”

How she ends it though, is just pure joy. As she should, she is clearly proud of herself as well, and I can’t imagine how much relief she must have felt after she took that stride. 

I also think that having the guys standing behind her with the light is meant to signify how they are behind her; they are a part of her support and will help her in her path to greatness.

Madison is amazing and I still can’t believe this is her first time acting. She executed it perfectly, from the emotion in her face, body language to her voice.

And then it reveals that Rose left a message for her. “Julie, you can do it <3  Love, Mom” and that is where you wail. Her mother believes in her so much and it’s honestly just so beautiful.

This has been my dissection of “Wake Up”

I hope I haven’t broken too many people

[phobiadeficient]

Sniper after acquiring a French-English dictionary: :)

yeah this is where we’re at

(warnings for the fact that scout really thought he was gonna get away with just never telling sniper what words translate to and also potentially bad french)

-

“Spy, do you happen to have a translation dictionary?” Sniper asked, pausing as he passed by the open door to Spy’s smoking room. His eyebrows were furrowed just slightly, and his shoulders slouched.

“To translate unclear requests into something human beings say? Unfortunately, no. It would come in handy at the moment,” Spy replied without looking up from his work dusting off some of the picture frames at the far wall.

“I need a French-English one. Your son’s being... frustrating,” he clarified after a moment. “He keeps switching over into French to say things to me, then not bothering to tell me what he said and refusing to tell me what it means.”

“Simple solution: stop talking to my son,” Spy chimed pleasantly, still not turning around.

Sniper set his jaw. “Look, I can tell he’s upset about something, and maybe if I knew what he was saying more than half the time, I’d be able to figure out what,” he said outright.

Spy was quiet for a few moments. Hung the picture he’d been polishing off back on the wall. Tilted it just so until it was straight. “And what makes you think you’re the one who needs to solve this particular puzzle?” he inquired.

“I’d like to try, at least,” Sniper mumbled, shrugging, glancing off to one side.

A hum, then a considerable pause, then Spy was moving to the next picture frame, tilting a few books out of place on his bookshelf on the way. “I’d like them back in one piece by this time tomorrow, if I’m not in here then leave them on my desk,” he said, tone crisp, and Sniper hurried to take the books before he changed his mind.

And it would help if the French had any common sense about how consonants and vowels strung together, he needed to glance through at least two of their indexes before he even had a concept of what any of the words would sort of somewhat sound like, and then he was fighting with the reference on sentence structure for some time until he gave in and figured he’d have better luck just flipping through to find the words he needed.

‘Tu’ was ‘you’, apparently, which made sense. ‘Je veux’ was ‘I want’, which also made sense, that was one that he heard a good amount of. ‘Bien’ was ‘good’. And that was all he could learn from a few of the books without scanning the pages individually.

It took him an hour total to become frustrated enough to think about asking for help from one of the other more book-smart mercenaries, but he quickly abandoned the idea. He was fairly sure Scout was lying when he said what the phrases meant, but on the off chance that it was true, he didn’t want to air out their more private activities to the entire goddamn team.

He ended up scanning through the singular English-to-French dictionary he’d been given, deciding to just go down the list to try to memorize enough to at least call Scout out when he next lied.

‘Stop’ was ‘arrêtez’, or some variation of it. ‘My mouth’ was ‘mon bouche’, ‘my hair’ was ‘mon cheveux’, ‘my face’ was ‘mon visage’, all of which were phrases he did actually faintly remember hearing at some point, but not nearly as often as Scout claimed to say them.

He ended up finding ‘J’adore’, which was apparently the beginning of the sentence. It meant ‘I love’, which made Sniper blink, and he realized all at once that Scout had really just been downplaying whatever it was that he was saying, because never once had he repeated that particular part of the phrase in English. At most, he simplified it down to him wanting something, or a few things.

And then he looked down at the line below that, and saw ‘Je t’aime’, and saw what that meant, and his heart nearly stopped.

He’d said that phrase before. Often, several times, so many several times, always so quietly, often not able to look him in the eye.

‘I love you’, over and over, and he never knew. Never.

And he didn’t even have time to figure out what to do with that, either, because he rolled the phrase over in his head again and again as he set the books away in a bag to bring with him to base the next day when he went in for breakfast, and he’d only just turned on the kettle to make himself some coffee and calm down when there was a knock at the door, and of course it was Scout (it was always Scout), and of course he let him in (because Scout knew how to pick locks and would get in either way), and of course they ended up tangled up with each other, Scout trailing his lips up the arch of Sniper’s neck and mouthing there with purpose.

And then Scout was laid out below him in the dim light of evening, eyes half-lidded and face flushed and his lips parted around panting and gasping breaths like every pin-up Sniper had ever been fond of rolled into something new and real that made his chest ache. And despite Scout’s fingernails against his back and the way he choked out pleads for harder and more, to bite him, to play rough, this time he didn’t listen. This time he kept his hips rolling slow and steady, this time he grit his teeth and pulled his self-control together enough to draw this out and stay more gentle than he almost ever was.

And it was when he was mouthing at Scout’s chest absently, head spinning and breath coming hard, that Scout’s constant yet incoherent murmuring solidified into a phrase he knew.

“Je t’aime, je t’aime...” Scout practically whimpered, voice catching, steady like a mantra, and it made Sniper swear hard. “Je t’aime, fuck, I’m so fucking close—“

And then Scout spilled all over his own and Sniper’s stomach, fingernails digging in hard enough to hurt, and then they were releasing, and then Sniper was sliding out to finish himself off in hard, quick strokes.

And then Scout was drawing him back up, ignoring the mess, mouthing at his neck again and humming a noise of contentment, and he said it again. “Je t’aime,” he half-whispered, tone teasing, and Sniper knew the script by then, knew he was meant to ask what that meant, knew he was supposed to nod and hum thoughtfully at whatever clearly incorrect and very joking answer Scout gave, and then he was supposed to kiss Scout for as long as both of them could stay awake and not complain when Scout woke up not long after that and got up and got dressed to leave.

Instead, he quietly asked “You do?”, and Scout slowly pulled back to look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I do... what?” he mumbled, blinking.

“You love me?” Sniper asked.

Silence. After about five seconds of that complete silence, Scout moved to get up.

Another second or two for Sniper to realize what he was doing. “Scout?” he asked, confused.

With efficiency, he watched Scout pull on his briefs and pants where they’d been abandoned next to the bed. He then started wrestling with his shirt, visibly trying to yank it on quickly.

“Scout, don’t,” Sniper tried, words a jumble in his mind, “you don’t—“

“Shuttup,” Scout all but spat through gritted teeth, finally getting his shirt on over his head and starting to shove his feet into his shoes.

“Scout,” he tried again, but that was when he gave up and just picked the shoes up with a hard sigh, storming out of the camper and slamming the door of it behind him.

-

An hour later Sniper took the stack of books with him back to base, hoping to drop them off so he could maybe try to get some sleep, already seeing himself sitting up every twenty minutes to flip back through to look at that page again, look at that phrase again, just to check to make sure he knew what it meant. And frankly he couldn’t afford to be up all night dealing with this, he had work in the morning and needed to be alert, so better to hand them in and get some rest and deal with it in the morning—assuming he could find Scout, at least.

And he knocked on the door to the smoking room, pushed it open at the “yes?” that came from within, and peered around it to catch sight of Spy sitting in the far chair with a glass of some kind of whiskey, eyebrows raised at him.

“Came by to return these,” he mumbled, ducking in and avoiding eye contact, making his way over to the desk across the room. “I ‘ppreciate you lending them to me, but I’ve... I don’t need them now.”

“Oh?” Spy asked in one of those odd tones that made it clear he was probably judging you, and Sniper managed not to flinch at it.

“I know it’s late, I’ll... I’ll just leave them and go,” he said, putting the books on the desk and turning around, shooting a glance at Spy and finally catching that his expression was slightly different than the sarcastic surprise he usually went with, eyebrows just a bit too high, eyes just a touch too wide. Then he caught the way Spy glanced off towards the other armchair, then finally caught sight of Scout curled up in it, knees close to his chest, not quite visible from the door, wearing a similar expression to Spy.

Well, not exactly. His eyes were a little bit wider, and reddened, and his hair was mussed and damp like he’d just taken a shower, and he was in a pair of pajamas Sniper hadn’t ever seen—neither of them generally bothered getting into pajamas before they turned in for the night, usually just getting dressed and heading back to the place they were meant to be sleeping. They looked soft.

Spy was the one to break the silence and stillness over the room, eyebrows raising an increment further as he stood and moved to the door, handing Scout what was left of his own drink on the way out. The two of them had a short, whispered argument in what sounded like Spanish—or rather Scout had an argument and Spy just hummed out a phrase or two before getting to the door and shutting it behind him. “Dad,” he said with some amount of feeling, but then it was closed.

Silence again. Scout looked at Sniper. Sniper looked at Scout. Scout chugged what was left of Spy’s drink and set it to one side, then took another hard gulp of his own, glaring down and off to one side.

“Why’d you run?” Sniper asked simply, the words coming easily now that he’d had an hour to mull them over.

Scout took another gulp of his glass. Set his jaw. Paused. “That’s what I do,” he finally said, voice sharp, like it should’ve been obvious, like it was a dumb question. “I run. I leave. I get the fuck outta places before they mess me up. Or... as soon as I figure out they’re gonna mess me up.”

“You think I’ll do that?” Sniper asked quietly.

“Fuck, I dunno, probably,” Scout spat, glaring at the floor.

“Why?”

“Well—I mean, you didn’t say it back,” Scout said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He took another gulp from his glass. “And it’s... I dunno, maybe that’s not fair. I’m not gonna make you say it if you aren’t ready.”

“Seems like you aren’t, neither,” Sniper pointed out.

Scout sighed again, more at himself than anything else. “Can we pretend this never happened?” he asked, and he seemed so small in that moment, curled up in that armchair with that little glass, eyes red and hair messy.

“I don’t know,” Sniper admitted, inhaled, exhaled. “But we can try.”

Scout paused, looked at his glass with maybe slightly more interest than was warranted. “I won’t say it again,” he tried. “I... I dunno. I dunno what I was thinkin’.”

A pause. “I wanted... to ask if you meant it,” Sniper said slowly, and saw Scout’s jaw tighten. “But that wouldn’t very well be ‘pretending it never happened’, would it?”

“Nah, it wouldn’t,” Scout agreed, and chugged the last of his drink. He turned the glass around in his hand. “Uh.”

“...Are we awright, then? Squared away?” Sniper asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, totally. For sure,” Scout agreed, nodding absently.

“Aces.” Sniper moved to leave, swerving just slightly out of his way to pass by Scout, leaning and pressing a kiss to his temple briefly. “See you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, see you.”

He paused a short way down the hallway, shifted on his feet. “Spy?” he asked the air.

“Oui?” a patch of nothing just to one side asked in reply.

“Thanks,” he said, and kept walking, and would never know how hard Spy rolled his eyes at the both of them and their young love theatrics.

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

All I want for Christmas...is a working cancer treatment

Hello friends,

It's getting to be that time of the year again. No, not Christmas, although I'm reliably informed that it will indeed be happening again and soon (a thing I, who haven't bought or made a single gift yet, can't quite believe). It was this time last year that I first called my doctor about the mass in my breast that had become too large--and too tender and painful--to ignore any further. They didn't see me right away...because of the holidays and because for someone with my risk level (basically 0 - at age 34 with not a single person in my family with breast or ovarian cancer) it didn't seem urgent. It was.

And now, tomorrow (Tuesday the 17th), I'll be heading into my oncologist appointment at Penn expecting to hear, based on the results of my scans from Friday the 13th (spooky!) that the initial tumor has gotten bigger again and that I will need to leave the clinical trial and pursue other options. I'm expecting this, though I hope desperately to be wrong, and have a visit to my supervising oncologist at Dana-Farber in Boston planned for the 19th. From there I'll go to Christmas with my parents and New Year's with a friend in Colorado before returning home to whatever new treatment 2020 has in store.

Now, obviously I hate that I'm going through this at all. After I heard about the tumor growth last month I was crushed that I hadn't even managed to make the average time that participants in this particular trial found to make a positive difference (6 months...I got 4). And I still am crushed. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm over it ,or not furious, or not disappointed. But what I especially hate right now is that it feels seasonal and like it's going to ruin my holidays again and stretch on through all the coldest and most miserable months...just like last year. It's a series of bleak anniversaries that I was already dreading even when things were going well. And now that they're not, well, you can imagine how dread is compounded with fear, anger, and sadness.

Since not all of you were there (and since this blog did not exist) let me tell you a little about what it was like at this time last year. [Account below the cut]

As I said above, it was around now (December 19th, actually) that I first called my GP's office to talk to them about the lump I had been aware of (but not really concerned by) for a few weeks. It's likely that it was around for far longer than that - long enough, certainly, for me to be diagnosed Stage 4 from the start. There are a lot of reasons why I didn't "catch it" earlier. (I actually hate this phrasing. It makes it sound like I could or should have been more vigilant and thus bear responsibility for my own illness.) I won't go into them here except to say that the previous year had itself been the worst of my entire life. There was a lot of loss and it's not really an exaggeration to say that it annihilated me. But I was able, with the support of friends and family, to reconstitute myself. I was proud of having done it too. What I didn't realize, though, was that in rebuilding myself some parts were coming back...wrong, almost as though psychic damage had been written on a cellular level.

“Did you know?" "Could you tell?" Nearly everyone asks me these questions, or some variation on them, at some point. I would say that I’d like to ban them from all discussions except that they are all I think of all day, asking myself: Did I know? Could I tell? And (more accusatory) “Why didn’t I know? Why couldn’t I tell?”. Despite knowing better, I still often believe that I brought this upon myself. I believe that I should have noticed sooner or, when I did notice, I should have acted faster. But, the thing was, I just couldn’t stand for another thing to go so horribly wrong in my life. So when I look back at this time, the time before I was aware of a lump in my breast, I can hardly fault myself for not noticing. I first felt that something was wrong with the swelling in my breast that would not go down around Thanksgiving 2018. I Googled furiously and convinced myself repeatedly that it was probably hormones, a cyst, or an infection. I assessed my risk factors (0) and and the chance that something so terrible would happen to me right after this other terrible thing had happened.

Surely, I felt, the universe couldn’t be that cruel.

I called in mid-December and my doctor’s office told me it would be hard to fit me in around the holidays. What I described sounded like it was probably benign and, since my risk level was so low and since I had even had it confirmed that I was cancer-free in 2016 (when they did a spinal tap because my chronic fatigue was so bad and my white blood cell counts so high), they advised me just to come in when I was back in January. I stayed in St. Louis for a memorial service, celebrating the life of the woman who was effectively another grandmother to me--my parents’ oldest and dearest friend--and had a strange feeling the whole time. I remember sitting among her very many friends and family, surrounded by photographs and poetry and music and all the signs of how loved she was, thinking with an improbable certainty that people would soon be remembering me this way and hoping that they would say I had positively affected their lives as much as she had.

Meanwhile, the swelling was huge. It was hot to the touch and ached like a bruise. I tried to see this as a good thing; heat and redness mean infection, which meant it was probably mastitis. I was worried enough to call my parents’ doctor to ask if I should go into the cancer center at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. He said the same things about how unlikely it was and how it was probably infected. I saw my doctor when I returned and, worried, she nonetheless prescribed me a course of antibiotics. She was also hoping, I think, not to be confronted with the truth.

The antibiotics upset my stomach terribly as did my constant anxiety. After five days with no effect, she gave me a stronger one, which also did nothing. It was now ten days since I had talked to her, a full month since I had first called. She sent me for a biopsy. It was on the 21st of January. On the 24th I heard that the tumor was cancerous. On the 28th, I heard that my cancer was also in my lungs and that I would need more scans and MRIs to determine the full extent of the metastasis. Then the terrifying and seemingly endless cycle of scans and bad news began. I don’t want to rehearse that here, though these months hold a series of bad anniversaries for me. What I want to do is to say that, at a certain point, of course I knew. Unlike most people in my life, who regarded the biopsy almost as a formality, I absolutely thought that I had cancer. Maybe it was just because I try to prepare myself for the worst. (I was still notably unprepared for this.) But maybe it was because I knew my body, even on a subconscious level, and could tell something was amiss.

I do have a sense, too, of when treatments are working or not. I can’t tell you the extent of why I know, often, but the tumor itself is one indicator. It’s very large and when things aren’t working it gets even larger. It ambiently hurts all the time, in a way that is subtle and that it is easy to almost (but never) forget and that is too minimal to mention to people. (Actually, these past two days it has hurt so badly that it feels like someone punched me. I cannot take this to be a good sign.) Since I heard my latest results from my doctor a month ago the tumor has gotten bigger. I probe it all the time, examining myself in the mirror from different angles--bra off, bra on--like when I was so desperately hoping to grow real breasts in middle school. I assess how far it sticks out in one position vs. another and how red it is at certain times. I try to convince myself that the pain is hormonal, that the apparent growth is how I am standing. But that’s just repeating what I was doing at this same time last year, casting around hopefully for an explanation that isn’t the one I fear.

For tomorrow, I hope for the best, but I expect the worst. It may be that you think I’m too worried too soon; I know some of you may. And let me tell you that, although it's contrary to my nature in general, I would love to be wrong. I hope I am. I will do my best to share news here, even in a short post, since I know that those of you along for the journey will be anxious to know too. For tonight, I'm scared. I'm better able to cope with bad news once I know what it is and am able to make a plan or a choice - to exert some control. And I'm certainly (sad to say) not feeling much of the spirit of Christmas, which is a shame since I actually love it. If you have extra love or cheer or, heck, any Miracles on 34th Street (I'm willing to commute!) please send them my way.

Love, Bex

[drjoot]

Autistic Jotaro

Alright so I’m absolutely going to spend too much time on this but here we go.

The formal diagnostic criteria for ASD (autism spectrum disorders) are as follows:

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive, see text):

1.       Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

2.       Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

3.       Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in  sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1.       Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

2.       Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat food every day).

3.       Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).

4.       Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interests in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

D. Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

E. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

If I recall correctly from my last class on the matter, to be officially diagnosed with ASD, a qualified individual has to note at least 2 criteria from sections A and B, and all three criteria stated in C, D and E.  I am not in any way qualified to diagnose autism, of course, but I can make some notes and observations based on each of these.  Also keep in mind that to ‘qualify’ these traits must be persistent, i.e. not related to a mood (not feeling like talking) or a circumstance, and instead being a constant behaviour of the individual in most or all circumstances.  So one-time happenings do not count.

Criteria set A:  In regards to social interactions and communication

1.       Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

I don’t think I need to go into much detail for this one, it’s not that difficult to notice that Jotaro doesn’t talk much, talks even less about himself, his interests, and his feelings, and rarely carries a full conversation (especially before part 4).  He doesn’t start conversations without a purpose, and he doesn’t carry them any longer than he needs to.

2.       Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Note in particular, “total lack of facial expression”.  While we do note a range of expressions in Jotaro:

Majority of these expressions are very similar in structure.  I could probably narrow down the entirety of Jotaro’s expressions to four faces:  angry, small smile, what the fuck, and tense.  Compare that to, for example, Josuke:

We can also note difficulties in eye contact and body language.  Jotaro will fairly regularly tilt his head down and touch his cap, fully blocking any and all eye contact with whoever he’s interacting with.  He also looks away quite often when talking to someone, which is played for dramatic effect, but could also very well be an avoidance of eye contact.  

As far as body language goes?  He pretty much only ever stands one way when he’s not fighting or doing something active with his hands, and that pose has him with his hands either on his hips or in his pockets.  Zero gesturing for effect, except when doing cliche things he likely copied from somewhere - pointing at a foe when threatening them, for example.  Also, remember when a complete stranger glomped him directly in the chest and he didn’t react physically *at all*?

3.       Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in  sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Oh boy, the list here goes on for ages.  You can tell Jotaro cares deeply about the people in his life, like Josuke, Joseph, Holly, Jolyne, Kakyoin, Polnareff, etc., only because of his actions regarding their safety.  He rarely, if ever, expresses any emotion or feeling to them at all (the sole exception I can think of is the one time he told Jolyne he cherished her), offers no physical comfort to them, and can come off as not only cold, but downright mean.  See: repeatedly calling his mom a bitch and telling her to leave him alone, pushing away her kisses, and then travelling across the entirety of Asia to save her life.  See also: never being there for his daughter, barely being home, being emotionally distant from her, then showing up to risk his life for the sake of her safety.

So basically, I think he ticks all three boxes here.  Moving on.

Criteria set B: In regards to interests and behaviour

1.       Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

For those who don’t know, echolalia refers to repeating sounds, phrases, or actions seen in other people or in media.  It’s very common for autistic people, especially children, to be much more comfortable mimicking behaviour than ‘creating’ their own.  For example, ignoring a question asked of them to instead quote a favourite movie, hum a favourite tune, or copy a common behaviour of an adult or peer.

In terms of repetitive motor movements, Jotaro will often touch his cap, clench his fists/jaw, shut his eyes when frustrated, and so on.  Repetitive speech also makes a show, with “yare yare daze”, “ora”, and so on.  He’s also very specific with which sounds he uses in his throat to express emotion - note when Polnareff asks the impostor Jotaro, “Since when did you make noises like that?”

I can’t prove echolalia, because I have no access to what kind of media Jotaro was exposed to as a kid or the behaviours those around him frequently exhibited, but I can make some guesses.  Now and then he delivers lines or makes poses that he almost certainly saw in some cool action movie.  In particular, this one that he does a *lot* of:

2.       Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat food every day).

Again, I can’t prove most of this because we didn’t see much of Jotaro’s day-to-day life before the Crusade, but we did see a few things.  For example, his mother not coming to kiss him on the cheek was concerning enough to him to go back into the house and investigate, because that’s a break to routine.  There are a good hundred or more reasons why Holly might have been unable to come and give Jotaro that kiss, including that she just forgot for once, but Jotaro instantly assumed something was wrong.  (Which of course it was, but the point still stands.)

He also demands the exact same clothing be made for him again after his original set was ruined, and he refuses to wear anything else, ever.  He has specific names for people and will stick to them, never using variations or pet names.  His fighting style never changes unless it *has* to for the sake of getting anywhere in the fight.  He also has much more of an eye for detail and things being out of place than the rest of the group, see: calling out Enya/Enyaba for knowing his name prematurely, one of his stand abilities being superhuman sight for details, etc.

Also his mum’s cooking is his favourite food, according to Araki, which is an interesting detail.  It’s the food he’s eaten at probably every meal in his childhood, or at least most of them.  It’s the “right way” for food to be.  Or he could just like the way his mum makes rice for no reason except it tastes good.  Shrug.

3.       Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).

Fish.  Jotaro loves fish, and that’s honestly about the only thing we see him express any interest in.  We know from Araki that he has a favourite movie and song and all, but he never shows any investment in these things.  He’s never played video games before the Crusade, and possibly never does after.  We never see him do anything in his downtime that isn’t directly related to fish.  We do know he can play poker, and pretty damn well, but even that comes as kind of a surprise when it’s revealed.

4.       Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interests in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Again, fish and water.  There’s something oddly different and somehow tactile in the way sea life moves.  Not literally tactile, of course, but still.  Nothing else moves the way the surface of the ocean does.  There’s a coolness to the colour and feel of it all, and any time Jotaro is underwater or near water, you can bet he’ll be sneaking off to look out windows or take in the sea floor scenery.  This isn’t a headcanon by the way, it’s done deliberately in the anime (not so much the manga though, apparently).  This is making a bit of an assumption, but there are more reasonable things to point out, too; the insistence on his jacket even in the hot weather, his need to keep his hands in his pockets, getting overly annoyed at people chattering around him, etc.

So he pretty much ticks all four boxes here, too, to varying degrees.

Criteria sets C, D and E:  regarding severity

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Honestly, we have no way of knowing for this one.  We never see Jotaro as a kid and the only time it’s talked about is when Holly says he ‘used to be a good boy’, or something to that effect.  I’m going to assume he meets this criteria, but honestly have no idea.

D. Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

See:  every relationship Jotaro has ever had.

See also:  Jolyne hating her father.

I could go into detail, but c’mon.  We all know Jotaro has enough trouble with social things to maintain healthy relationships.  It’s half the setup for Stone Ocean.

E. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Considering Jotaro has ticked every single box even when only some of the criteria were required for certainty, I’m pretty sure we can say no other disorder/disability/anything will “better explain” anything.  He shows no signs that he lacks intelligence or the ability to care, so intellectual and emotional defects and disorders can be ruled out.  

This has been an entirely unasked for and way too long essay by me about something nobody else probably even cares about.  Enjoy!

tl;dr:  Joot autistic af bruh don’t @ me

[watchingcutscene]

The Legacy of Earl Grey Tea

Pairing: Levi x Reader

The abrasive, vulgar, and indifferent man was humanity's strongest. Rather uncharacteristic of his occupation as a soldier, he was a clean freak; and despite how he seemed, Levi had a side of morality and empathy. He valued the life of his comrades more than most would think. No one had ever overtly acknowledged his aberrant compassion, but the soldiers in his squadron all knew. Behind unuttered words and his constant look of dismay, the man was more caring than he gave himself credit for. Levi despised the Jaeger brat. His temper and rash desire for revenge was eventually going to become his own undoing. Between the two of them, Levi saw an uncanny resemblance, and every time he was forced to confront this hot-tempered kid, guilt would flood his senses. That was why he despised him. In his early days of service, Levi was consumed by the death of his two friends. The guilt and anger resulted from his loss led him to resort to the most reckless of decisions. He cared about nothing other than slaughtering titans, not even his own life. In fact, recalling the scene when those titans devoured his friends like livestock, he might as well have died too. Levi was nowhere the calm and rational man the Survey Corps had known him to be today. Breaking formation, running off on his own, utterly ignoring the mission of expeditions to slaughter every titan in sight was what he was known for. His comrades died trying to protect him, but there was a fire that burned his lungs that could not be settled because every time he looked in the mirror, he saw a gaping hole in his chest that no amount of revenge could fill. But he forged on ahead, one titan at a time, even at the cost of his comrades. Returning from every expedition, the captain of his squadron would scold him, but he had no ear for that. Overtime, Levi became trapped in his isolation, convincing himself that no one was ever capable of understanding his pain. But no one’s misery was ever theirs alone. Levi’s life was not void of blessings. He was just too consumed by his grief to see it. The leader of his squadron was a Corporal, about the same age as he. She made an effort to end his solitude. In the evenings when he skipped his meals, she’d stop by his room with bread and tea. The offering was first subjected to blunt rejection. He coldly declared that he “didn’t want it”, and shut the door before she could even utter a word. When Levi took his 2 am strolls during those sleepless nights, he would catch her in her office, door open to let in the breeze, catching up on paperwork. At first they would at most exchange glances when he passed, but soon, she began inviting him in. Those sleepless nights turned into regular visits to her office, where she would brew earl grey. Levi sat rather defensively between the cushions on her couch, not moving an inch. Between her paperwork, she would look up and urge for him to drink the tea, “it won’t taste good when it’s cold”, was a phrase that frequented her lips. When Levi finally accepted her offering of dinner brought to his room, she began their first real conversation. “You can’t always go out in expeditions breaking formations recklessly like that,” she said calmly, getting straight to the point, a ghost of a smile playing upon her lips. Levi immediately began regretting his decision of letting her in. It turned out, she was just the same as everyone else. He paused for a long time before replying, “It’s our jobs to kill titans. I’m not going to stay in formation and run away from titans like the rest of those cowards.” She looked up at him, her (eye colour) eyes into his grey ones, firm and unyielding, “It’s our job to go outside the walls, complete the mission, and come back alive.” He stared at her, his anger written all over his handsome features. “Everyone here has lost someone,” she said, pouring him a cup of her tea. Seeing his silence, she continued, “you can’t let your past haunt you forever.” Her casual tone set off Levi. His steely eyes were cold when he barked at her, “what do you know about my past?” This woman that was no older than he had a maturity almost unfitting for her age, “I know what it feels like to lose friends,” she paused, watching the expression on his face skew with anger, “I lost my squad, my friends, one by one, out there, because of you.” Levi froze. The expression on her face remained calm, like all the late nights in her office, the smell of earl grey never ceasing. “Human lives are fragile,” she said with a tenderness that made Levi subconsciously relax his features, “the only thing we can do is protect what we still have.” She stood up to leave. “By the way,” she turned to meet his gaze, the ghost of a smile never leaving her visage, “your room is a mess. You need to clean up after yourself.” When she opened the wooden door, a breeze that was the declaration of spring embraced her. The loose hairs of her pony tail fluttered, and for the first time, the gaping hole in Levi’s chest found a piece of itself in the ineffable sorrow that existed in her smile She was a girl who had a way with words. The saying opposites attract had proven itself in the case of Levi and (y/n). While Levi’s words were a scarcity saved for only special occasions, she did not spare him of much silence. “Drink your tea before it gets cold.” “When was the last time you washed your sheets? They smell disgusting.” “Do you have the formation memorized?” “The dust in your room is as thick the Military Police’s skulls.” But somehow, Levi found solace and liberation in her nagging. There never had been anyone who cared enough for him to spare words of such quantity. There were little things Levi had noticed and grown attached to. She was tender and kind, qualities unfit for a soldier, but her glare was strong an unyielding, just like her fists during combat training. She had an affinity for cleaning, claiming it made her feel calm, which made it all the more annoying when she entered Levi’s quarters as he seemingly was “incapable of cleaning up after himself”. Her finger tips were always a little cold because she was anemic due to a previous injury. And should there ever be a shortage of earl grey tea in her office, she would enter a state of distress, muttering “the legacy of earl grey tea cannot end yet” while frantically searching for another stash. They began appearing as a pair. Somewhere along the line, their comrades had probably started gossiping about their relationship, but neither he nor she were the kind to keep up with gossip. Being with her was a constant process of finding pieces of himself. In her nagging, in her tea, in her fingers, and in her ghostly smile. It was as if he was waiting for the final piece to fill that gaping hole before he could return the favour and utter for her three words that might become a turning point in their lives. But that turning point had a slight variation in outcome. In the midst of that summer was the 38th expedition. It was also her last. Before leaving, she repeated to him again and again “don’t break formation”, “follow my orders”, “if you see a titan, ignore it unless otherwise commanded”, until Levi interrupted. “I understand, (y/n),” staring directly into her (eye colour) orbs, a rare smile played upon his lips. She paused, processing his smile, and returned a toothy grin of her own. Of all the things that could have went wrong, it was Levi. Half way through the expedition, the Squadron ahead was attacked by four titans. (y/n) commanded to not break formation, and to follow Erwin’s orders, which was to avoid any contact with titans by all means necessary. She led the squad East of the original path, hoping to move around the titans. Not long into their detour, they caught sight of two titans trailing the squad. They were abnormal ones. The team continued forward, hoping to outrun them, but slowly, they were closing in. “There’s no way we can outrun them,” Levi called out to (y/n), catching up beside her. “We have to,” she said, eyes focused ahead, “there’s no way the five of us can take out two abnormal 15 meters.” “We have no choice!” Levi shouted. (y/n) did not respond. Her brows were drawn into a frown and her lips pursed into a thin line. Seeing her inaction, Levi declared, “I’ll go distract them and slow them down. You guys keep going, I’ll catch up,” and slowed his horse. “Levi!” (y/n) screamed, but he was already far behind them, heading to the opposite direction. “There’s no way he can stopped them on his own!” a member of her squad called out, “we need to go help him!” She hesitated, features twisted in a way they never have before. The kind and tender girl was gone. “I’ll go,” she announced, “you guys go on full speed to the meeting place. Don’t send reinforcements back to help us. I want to minimize the casualties. We’ll meet up with you in an hour, and if we don’t…” she swallowed, “continue following Erwin’s orders,” and before anyone could protest, she turned her horse and followed Levi’s trail. When she almost caught up to him, she called his name. His expression when he turned to see her was the most she had ever seen on his face. It was of shock and disappointment. “Why are you here?” he screamed above the sound of sprinting horses. “For you!” she shouted back. His expression became more intense, “are you insane?!” he roared, much unlike the indifferent soldier she had grown to know and love. “No,” she replied, “but you are!” The exchange was interrupted by the thumping of the two giant’s footsteps. The titans were less than a mile away and the Corporal and her soldier prepared their maneuver gear. They both knew these were unfavourable circumstances. Two soldiers, no matter how skilled, simply could not take down two 15 meter abnormal titans in a flat area with no trees. He only wanted to buy time for the rest of the team to escape, and she wanted to be there with him because she didn’t want to be the one left behind. And she wasn’t. He was. Levi had always been skilled. He took out the first titan with considerable ease. When (y/n) latched on to the second titan’s left shoulder with her gear, it grabbed the wire with its right arm, yanking her off her horse. Abnormal titans were always hard to deal with, but she reacted quickly and bounced off of its arm. Giving it a second try, she swung around to the backside, attempting to slash its nape, but the titan still had a grip on her wire, which it pulled. The force took her by surprise, and she found herself hanging by one wire as the titan lifted her to its mouth. The humid wind gushing out from its mouth became a sign of the end. At some point she heard Levi cry out for her, but her eyes were closed shut. The titan opened its jaws and lowered her into it, and behind her shut lids she could sense the light fading form the world. The adrenaline never ceased, so when its jaws closed, she did not feel pain. She felt herself free falling. Then something – someone – caught her. When she dared to open her eyes she was in Levi’s arms as he rushed toward the abandoned horses. The titans behind them were on the ground with smoke evaporating from their limp bodies. Her eyes focused on his visage, and there was blood. Everywhere. She panicked. “Are you –” her lips were dry and her voice raspy, “are you bleeding?” They had reached the horses by then, and he lifted her up first before getting on himself, still cradling her in his arms. He rode the horse at full speed before sparing her a glance. On his face she saw the most amount of sadness she had ever seen on him. Like a child, helpless and defenceless. “It’s you,” his voice was raspier than hers, almost as if he was going to cry, “it’s your blood…” By then, the adrenaline had started to wear down. And as she examined her blood-stained body, she found, accompanied by an increasingly vivid pain, the absence of her left arm. She did not panic. “I’ll treat it,” Levi’s voice was urgent. His grip on the harness a little tighter than it should have been, and his lips quivered. “I’ll stop the blood as soon as we get to somewhere safe.” It was late in the afternoon. The sun had begun its retirement. She grew increasingly cold and attempted to draw herself closer to him. His usual scent was overwhelmed by the metallic smell of blood. In these last moments of amity, she struggled to find traces of the one she loved. They managed to reach the meeting place, where the other squadrons had already arrived. The rest of their team rushed forward upon seeing the blood covered Levi and the tiny ball curled up in his arms. She could only register selected chunks of time at this point. “Get a medic!” someone had screamed. She felt Levi’s warmth leave her as she was lowered to the ground. Levi watched her half-hooded eyes flutter open and shut. Her expression changed with her varying states of consciousness. The medic roughly wrapped the stub that was her arm. Blood immediately soaked through the bandages. “That’s all we can do right now,” the medic turned to him, “the blood should stop soon. If there’s no delay, we can get back inside the walls before it’s too late.” “It will be too late,” his jaw was clenched, “isn’t there something we can do now? She won’t make it to the walls!” his voice made the young medic shutter, a deep roar that held more emotion than he was ever able to express to her. “Our medicine cart was lost with one of the squadrons that got attacked,” the medic became defensive, “she will make it to the walls, she won’t lose that much blood that quick!” Levi took a sharp inhale of air. A pounding doom finally lowered onto his shoulders. When he spoke, he found his words shaking and barely audible, the moisture finally overturning his vision, “she’s anemic…it’ll be too late”. This became their turning point. He lowered his head and let out all the demons he guarded with his stone-cold features. Tears rained down like an April shower. For a second, in his blurred vision of her fading existence, he saw the complete truth of this world, the cold relentless cycle of death. Somewhere, a longing was born into this god forsaken world, never to be answered never to be fulfilled. He cursed again and again under his breath that they were all damned and cursed and how he wished his heart were stone. This rage was only interrupted when he felt a cold hand placed on his. When he opened his eyes as more tears poured out, she was there. For a second, he thought everything was going to be okay, but when she signaled for him to lean in, and her words were barely fathomed into a full breath, he was reminded that this was all real. “Don’t give up okay?” she breathed into his ear, “you can’t give up. I won’t let you.” “How?” his voice was a mess of out of tune sounds, “You all leave one after another, I don’t even have anything to give up on.” “You do,” she said, exhausting laboured breaths in between words, “yourself.” His eyes rained harder. He suddenly couldn’t even remember why he forced his composure for all this time. What would have happened if he didn’t run off and break formation? What would have happened if he took her orders? She had a way with words. In the end, it was she who saved his life “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” In his early days of service, Levi was consumed by the death of his two friends. He was nowhere the calm and rational man the Survey Corps had known him to be today. It took a Corporal with an obsession with tea, one who had a way with words, to make a soldier out of him. She filled the gaping hole in his chest with little pieces of amity but decided to take one with her before she completed him in the end. When he took over her job, he lived up to her title. He cleaned his office more often than necessary. He became cool and level headed and learned to take orders. He had a soft spot that was compassion for his comrades and utter disgust for impulsive decisions and sacrifice. All in the name of carrying forth the legacy of her earl grey tea.

[scratchednotes-archive]

Headcanon + Speech Pattern

Because of Vinyl Scratch’s speech apraxia, it is very rare for her to speak if at all, however that doesn’t mean that she is incapable of doing so. When somepony does gain that trust from her to be able to speak around them, her speech pattern can be a bit difficult to understand and learn at first.

As it is a motor disorder that makes it difficult for her to move her mouth muscles and tongue in an appropriate manner to form words, unfortunately, a major issue in learning her speech pattern is that many of her words come out varied from this. A single word can be repeated, but each time it’s spoken it can come out sounding a bit different. For the most part, with words and sound combinations that she has practiced and would use on a more common basis, those variations are lessened. There may be only one or two different ways she can say a word due to practice, but words or phrases that she would not use often can suffer from those variations.

For exampe; ‘the’ might come out sounding more like ‘tuh’ at times, but it does not vary much beyond that or being said correctly and so can be identified easier. A word like ‘anticipate’, however, due to its uncommon place in her vocabulary, might go through different variation. ‘A’ti’pate’, ‘An’thi’pa’, ‘nti’thipa’e, are a few of the ways she might attempt to say it.

Of course, as mentioned before, this can be improved upon with practice. More often than not, Vinyl does her best to practice the name of close friends and loved ones to say them as accurate as possible. It may not be perfect, but she can get close, and will get to the point where her way of saying it will remain constant. (Another example is her way of saying Sunset; now at a constant way of ‘Suh’set’) 

[sol1056]

repetition creates weight

The EPs seem pretty adamant they had no idea of the Keith-Lotor parallels until after the seasons aired and someone else pointed it out. That’s huge sign of their inexperience as storytellers -- that, and the places where they do use repetition intentionally.

Repetition is a writer’s neon sign. What gets screen (or page) time is relevant; ergo, something that gets repeated screen or page time must be not only relevant but important. The more a story reminds the audience of some detail, the more the audience is going to think, “aha! that’s the eighth time the story’s mentioned the character’s blue eyes. It must be a clue. It must mean something.”

There are different ways to repeat. You can use the same phrase, stage a visual with the same composition, or highlight an object or theme or motif via constant reference (ie S1/S2 hand-on-something motif). You can create parallels so strong they become almost mirrors. There’s also using repetition in planting clues, adding the Important Message in the middle of seemingly irrelevant details, each list different but for that one element. 

And then, of course, there’s the kind of repetition noted in this ask: 

So I heard a theory that suggested season 8 may mirror seasons 3-6 since season 7 mirrored seasons 1-2. What are your thoughts on that?

Behind the cut. 

At the end of S2,  each character answers the question of ‘what do we do after this,’ which becomes four repetitions of the same theme. Obviously they’re not going home yet ‘cause we’ve got four more seasons to go.  

On some intuitive level, a lot of viewers perked up: aha, there must a reason for Keith to respond in that particular way. After all, Keith could’ve said, “I could train with the Blades,” see more of the universe, etc. (And remember, what comes last is what gets the emphasis; if Pidge had answered last, we probably would’ve assumed she’d find Matt or Sam in early S3.)

When S3 begins and we meet Lotor, Keith is immediately on that. His focus on Lotor, to the exclusion of all else was probably meant to be single-mindedness. Overdone, it became another neon sign. There must be something here, some other reason Keith is so obsessed.

There’s a repetition, too, in the wording: “I could look for my family” to “I have to find/catch this guy.” Unintentionally or not, that look-for/find/catch established another link. Even once Shiro/Kuron arrives, Keith doesn’t lose that focus, and it becomes the source of a few arguments between Keith and Shiro.

We’re now at the level of about sixteen neons signs, each one the size of a billboard. That much pushes everything to the level of implying something intensely personal. It practically screams, pay attention.  

Add in a few repetitions of the quintessence motif -- Lotor’s search for it, Keith’s sensitivity to it (and apparent shapeshifting abilities related to it) -- and the parallels were all right there. Had we started S5 with Keith discovering he’s Lotor’s long-lost brother, we might’ve considered that twist obvious in hindsight. (The only detail required for a snap reveal would be explaining the presence of the knife and/or a Blade being on Earth.)

What the EPs seem to like to do (and this makes sense, as storyboarders) is visually echoing previous compositions. Most often, echoing a previous composition is done not as strict repetition but as a motif. It’s only repetition in the loosest sense, because each use must modify or expand the tone of the original resonance.

Frex, the Black Paladins music. Say the first time had been a minor key with eerie strings, evoking the tragedy of the fight. The second use -- where now, instead of wanting Shiro to lose, we want him to win -- it’s same melody but with trumpets instead, faster-paced, a major key. Still recognizable, but its entire mood has changed. that’s a motif’s layering: the melody has become tied to high-stakes, high-emotion one-on-one fights. But it contains elements of tragic and heroic, layering them so that one reflects the other.

Without that variation, it’s not a motif, it’s a signature. And signatures, like a pose or a phrase or a fighting move, gain their strength from repetition.

At the end of S2, Allura stands against Haggar’s blast.

At the end of S7, Atlas stands in exactly the same way.

It’s not just the exact same defensive position. It’s also a similar situation; defending Voltron from a powerful opponent mostly on instinct, untrained and mostly untried. That visual repetition is why some people see Atlas as meant for Allura, not Shiro. The only variation is in scale.

I’ve lost track of all the places in S7 where the storyboarders re-used imagery or composition from an earlier scene. It can be a powerful maneuver, but like a motif, it must change, in one degree. And more importantly: the new scene must have an emotional resonance in its own right. 

What you cannot do is duplicate a previous scene with the purpose of tapping its weight, as if this will get around the lack of emotional resonance in a later use. All that does is frustrate viewers (or readers). It’s too obviously an attempt to shortcut providing genuine meaning, by manipulating a pre-existing connotation. It’s a cheap repetition. 

That brings me around to the repetition in the overall story, where the EPs are hitting the notes in S1/S2 throughout S7. Which... I guess for some people, that’s a cool trick they don’t see very often. Thing is, there’s a reason you don’t see it very often: because it generally doesn’t work unless you have a really deft touch, enough that most people will miss it. 

The more the season hit the same notes as S1/S2, the more bored I got. It’s a failure of imagination; we’ve gone beyond repetition a literary or filmic device and into something like mimicry. When the pinnacle of your story amounts to a redux of your own story, it’s verging on self-parody. I’ve seen S1/S2, after all. I came to watch S7 for a new stage in the story, not a bunch of visuals practically traced right over those earlier two seasons. 

It may be cynical, but by that point, I couldn’t help feeling disgusted, too. Could the EPs/writers not think up anything new? Was the only thing they could think to do, was to cut and paste the emotional beats from the first season? Especially when they couldn’t even manage that much -- from Shiro’s showdown in S1 to the letdown in S7. Or Allura’s startling but asskicking fight against Haggar, including the surprise power-up... to the Atlas over-powering and doing not much of anything against Haggar’s proxy. 

In the end, I was stuck with two possible reasons for the repetition. One, the EPs/writers couldn’t figure out how to structure a successful seasonal arc, so they looked back and just copied a previous season, beat for beat. Or, worse, they took exec permission and re-litigated S1/S2, which frankly is much worse. Yes, their interviews make clear they chafed at exec oversight. But is that any reason to destroy your own story by driving the same ruts for the nth time?

All I can say is: at the very least, S1/S2 had a solid structure, so while copying it felt lazy and amateurish, it didn’t make things worse. If S8 is another redux of S3-S6? Not good, because those 26 episodes, in terms of story structure, are a meandering hot mess.  

[digipreeth]

 How to expand your children’s vocabulary?

 How to expand your children’s vocabulary?

Building a vocabulary is like utilizing blocks to build a sturdy structure. Always start with the base, which needs to be the strongest to support any further constructions. Similar to this, a preschooler's vocabulary growth is a progressive process that involves hearing a word and interpreting it.

Let's review the process of acquiring a vocabulary from an early age and discuss how words affect children's thinking.

Why words are so special to children 

1 – One word at a time:

 Children start guessing the meaning of a word the moment we speak it in front of them. They understand those lovely words with which we care for them and are very fond of those words. Repeating those words with similar emotions helps children understand their meaning.

2- Words mean the world:

 Researchers suggest that children easily associate objects with their names. They look at those words having written names with greater interest, seeking new information for the object in front of them.

3 – Words equal to knowledge:

The more words children know, the better they can express themselves. More than learning different words for different objects or feelings, the child gains more if s/he learns variations of one word. As different words are used in different contexts, children learn to differentiate between the appropriate usage of time and place of those words.

4 – Naming as conquering:

Names of different objects, people, animals, and events are a rich way of extending communication with children. The child shows the first step of identification of anything, say a pet cat, by calling it by its name. Upon receiving a response, the confidence and interest levels of children to learn more words increase.

5 – “That thing” syndrome:

Lack of sufficient reading has made even parents struggle for words. Addressing an object, a feeling, or a place as “that thing” is a common but destructive habit among parents. Children, who imitate parents, learn to use “that thing” as a common phrase for objects they don’t know about. This harms the vocabulary of the children concerned.

6 – “No”, “Mom” and “Dad”:

We often don’t realize that constant refusal as a response to a child’s demands impacts his/her vocabulary too. We keep saying “no” if they remain awake at bedtime or try to put something dangerous in their mouth while playing. These are extremely valid “no” situations. But think about how many times we say “no” during a given day or even an hour! Surely there’s a better way of explaining things?

Below are a few steps to follow the processes to talk better with children so that their vision of the world and vocabulary expands:

Repeat, and use new words: Mindfully reuse a few words in interactions with your family so that the children register these words along with their meanings.

Limit adding new words to 5: Don’t overwhelm children with as many words as you can in a week. This confuses them. They need time to distinguish the meanings of different words and totally understand their meanings.

If you're teaching the term "run," play out the process in front of the kids to help them comprehend it better. Children's memories retain the details from expressive explanations.

 Building a vocabulary is an ongoing process of change. You'll be astonished by your children's knowledge and interest in language if you're patient with their learning process.

 The  Playschool in Bangalore is how will expand the children’s vocabulary We all want the best for our children, and make the right choice of admitting kids to the  Playschool in Bangalore. If you are looking to enrol your kids,

[gearboxrecords]

Thelonious Monk - Mønk

Sammy Stein - Something Else

Tapes of an previously lost Thelonious Monk performance have been rescued and mastered by Gearbox Records, and are now available on an LP. Mønk is from the idiosyncratic pianist’s prime period and feature his most critically acclaimed quartet recorded live on March 5, 1963 at Odd Fellows Mansion in Copenhagen. He memorably collaborated with saxophonist Charlie Rouse, bassist John Ore and drummer Frankie Dunlop on the Columbia studio albums Criss-Cross and Monk’s Dream, both released in 1963. Ore went on to play with Sun Ra.

Fifty-five years later these tapes have been saved, then cut using Gearbox’s legendary all-analog process. (They use the same lathe as Blue Note did back in the day.) The results on Mønk open a window onto Thelonious Monk in his prime, one year before he would become one of only five jazz artists to appear on the front cover of Timemagazine.

Already a renowned jazz pianist who had worked with Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie, Monk began to employ improvisational technique which included gaps in the music and repetition of phrases in different formats, while also using the keyboard to introduce disharmonic chords. Though grounded in gospel, Monk started experimenting and introducing his own improvised sections in pieces. With his idiosyncratic style, both in his playing and off-stage, Monk undoubtedly had an influence on jazz musicians like pianist Bud Powell who followed, inspiring them to improvise and play according to their heart. He was one of the key musicians to help forge links between bop, hardbop and free jazz.

Mønk is a wonderful showcase of that prowess. Thelonious Monk’s playing on this night features many of the artistic and rhythmic improvisational traits that brought him such acclaim and admiration. As this celebrated quartet reimagines and explores Monk’s classics, that approach to the piano is inimitable and unmistakable.

“Bye-Ya” opens Mønk with a dramatic drum solo from Frankie Dunlop, whose hard-hitting style comes to the fore throughout, adding punctuation and structure. The sax line is lovely, rolling and backed by a walking, strolling and constantly supportive bass. The drums pop in and out like a timely reminder and the lower notes of the wonderful Charlie Rouse on sax are completely in control and absolutely gorgeous. This track shows the strength of the integrity of the quartet – and Monk’s piano, needless to add, takes its own lines, adds little points of interruption and commentary to make the track speak to the listener. The ever-so-polite clapping from the Danish audience halfway through is in contrast to the musical shenanigans on stage. The piano solo from those dextrous fingers of Monk, along with his disharmonic interpretation of the theme later in the track, tell you this is Thelonious Monk at his definitive best. The clapping is more enthusiastic as the track finishes.

“Nutty” makes masterful use of space and melody. The theme is set early on and repeated several times before Charlie Rouse’s masterful solo begins – and masterful is the right word, as he takes center stage musically, with Monk accompanying with some style. It is hard to express Monk’s ability as an accompanist, and he is rightfully considered one of the best the jazz world has known. Here, he is intuitive and almost psychic in his support of the solo, and the bass and percussive lines are pretty near perfect too. This allows the solo to develop, whilst offering solid scaffolding underneath. The piano emerges for a solo with the bass accompanying around the half way mark, and the drums never let you forget they are there as part of the music, not just to maintain the beat: Their emphatic complimentary strokes and beats add direction and strength. Monk does a few things which are so Thelonious Monk, including a little disharmonious section just when the theme is really getting going – almost like he’s saying to the audience: “Well, did you hear that? What I just did there? No? Well, how about this? Still the tune, though – Ha!” All the time, the bass is constant and steady.

“I’m Getting Sentimental Over You” is simply lovely, with some slight syncopations and weird harmonies worked in but not enough to throw the listener. It’s a clever and very Monk-ish thing to do and many who followed take this little trick, which adds interest and variation. After the piano introduction, the track moves along with sax, bass and drums all adding their weight and input. The sax solo is again wonderful and demonstrates the choice Monk made was right for this quartet. The piano rises, drifts, crashes and falls away as Monk sees fit, and this is a beautifully woven track. It’s tight as velvet, smooth as silk and strong as sisal.

“Body and Soul” opens with Monk serving up a smorgasbord of styles and deliveries, all for the listener’s enjoyment. Trinkels, triplets for doubles, then some classic-influenced methodology, all delivered with a twist and put together in a way which many players wish they could. The great thing with Thelonious Monk is he plays in the moment, and you can almost feel his emotions chasing each other here. Gorgeous does not go near this. Sometimes, the thought that such a recording could have been lost is too much. Mønk is amazing.

“Monk’s Dream” is totally band-delivered. The quartet here display just how tight their bond is, with Rouse altering dynamics and taking the lead for much of the track, whilst Ore and Dunlop are tuned in, seeming to foresee Monk’s unpredictable shifts and turns, intertwining with one another and him effortlessly. It is testament to the caliber of the musicians that they smoothly and effortlessly take the cues which Monk distributes so liberally, but so quickly one after the other and do not let it phase them at all. This create a sense of ease and fluidity which could be lost with lesser players. There’s a reason this is considered to be the definitive Monk quartet – and “Monk’s Dream,” perhaps more than any other here, confirms it.

Lost recordings of this stature are rare, especially when it comes to major players like Monk, making this a treat for enthusiasts, Thelonious Monk followers, historians and music lovers. Credit goes to Gearbox, a vinyl-led label that cuts and masters using original analog machinery in their London studio.

“The original tape was a Scotch broadcast tape amongst a collection of delights we bought from a Danish producer who had literally picked them from a skip some 20 years ago. He was going to use them to sample and remix during the acid-jazz heyday but didn’t have time,” label founder Darrel Sheinman says. “This album represents several years of hard work: Firstly, to source the tape and clear the Monk-related rights issues, then to create a special all-analog recording which is analog all the way from the source to the stock on the shelf. AAA means Analog recording, Analog mix, Analog master – no digital in the path. We felt this was the only way to produce probably one of the best Monk renditions we have ever heard.”

I asked Shienman what he felt the recordings and release meant for the label, which has already been instigators in saving recordings from tapes, mastered using their own machines, for example, from BBC sessions which would have been lost to time due to the quality deteriorating. “Well, it is not a remaster, as it has never been out before. It is a milestone for the label,” Shienman said. “Whilst we have released other great jazz artists on the label such as Dexter Gordon, Michael Garrick and Tubby Hayes, we have never had one of the ‘holy trinity’ [of Miles Davis, John Coltrane and Thelonious Monk]. Special!”

I asked him how he feels it contributes to the already vast store of Monk music. Darrell simply said: “You can never have too much Monk.” On the process Shienman comments, “The quality was excellent. We did only minor tickling on the EQ [equalization, or balancing the sound]. All analogue, an easy mastering job.”

The liner notes for Mønk have been written by Ethan Iverson of the Bad Plus, and jazz writer Stephen Graham. The collector’s edition of the vinyl – limited to 500 copies worldwide – will also come with a previously unpublished, signature-embossed 30×30 print of Thelonious Monk by British journalist and photographer Val Wilmer. The record will also be pressed on audiophile, transparent vinyl and comes in a vintage style tip-on, hand-numbered sleeve. There will also be a standard vinyl/CD release and Mønk will exist on all digital streaming platforms as well.

The overriding sense here is the connection between the players. All great, all capable of filling (or emptying) a place at will, these masters of their instruments listen, interpret, and at times with uncanny foresight, seem to be there just a shade before Monk: They really “get” his playing, which took some doing at the time.

Some might wonder why recordings – especially “lost” recordings – are so important, and also ponder the fact that many artists made personal recordings and many recordings have been lost. But the fact is few musicians had such an influence as Thelonious Monk, and latterly John Coltrane, and this is why it is important that any recording – and, indeed, perhaps especially those kept (as the ‘Trane tapes) by the artist – are shared because those who have followed in their giant footsteps can have a sense of a clearer path. The gaps are filled and the picture is complete.

Of course, practice sessions, jams and collective ensembles are now lost to time, but the listener can, with the help of these recordings, gain more a sense of the progression of these artists and how they developed over time. The more you hear, the easier the path is to trace. Found recordings also instigate a fear in the listener – the fear that, had it not been for some peculiar twists of fate and uncanny collisions of events, recordings like Mønk could have been forever lost.

[michaelandy101-blog]

Discovering Key phrase Alternatives With out Historic Information

New Post has been published on https://tiptopreview.com/finding-keyword-opportunities-without-historical-data/

Discovering Key phrase Alternatives With out Historic Information

At Google’s Search On occasion in October final 12 months, Prabhakar Raghavan defined that 15% of daily queries are ones which have by no means been searched earlier than. If we take the newest figures from Internet Live Stats, which state three.5 billion queries are searched day by day, that signifies that 525 million of these queries are model new.

That may be a big variety of alternatives ready to be recognized and labored into methods, optimization, and content material plans. The difficulty is, all the traditional key phrase analysis instruments are, at greatest, a month behind with the info they’ll present. Even then, the volumes they report must be taken with a grain of salt – you’re telling me there are solely 140 searches monthly for “women’s discount designer clothing”? – and if you happen to work in B2B industries, these searches are usually a lot smaller volumes to start with.

So, we all know there are big quantities of searches obtainable, with increasingly more being added day by day, however with out the info to see volumes, how do we all know what we must be working into methods? And the way do we discover these alternatives within the first place?

Discovering the alternatives

The standard instruments we flip to aren’t going to be a lot use for key phrases and subjects that haven’t been searched in quantity beforehand. So, we have to get a little bit inventive — each in the place we glance, and in how we determine the potential of queries to be able to begin prioritizing and dealing them into methods. This implies doing issues like:

Mining Individuals Additionally Ask

Scraping autosuggest

Drilling into associated key phrase themes

Mining Individuals Additionally Ask

Individuals Additionally Ask is a superb place to start out searching for new key phrases, and tends to be extra updated than the assorted instruments you’ll usually use for analysis. The lure most entrepreneurs fall into is this information on a small scale, realizing that (being longer-tail phrases) they don’t have a lot quantity, and discounting them from approaches. However while you comply with a larger-scale course of, you may get rather more details about the themes and subjects that customers are trying to find and may begin plotting this over time to see rising subjects sooner than you’ll from normal instruments.

To mine PAA options, it is advisable to:

1. Begin with a seed list of keywords.

2. Use SerpAPI to run your key phrases by the API name – you may see their demo interface under and check out it your self:

three. Export the “related questions” options returned within the API name and map them to total subjects utilizing a spreadsheet:

four. Export the “related search boxes” and map these to total subjects as nicely:

5. Search for constant themes within the subjects being returned throughout associated questions and searches.

6. Add these total themes to your most popular analysis device to determine extra associated alternatives. For instance, we are able to see espresso + well being is a constant subject space, so you may add that as an total theme to discover additional by superior search parameters and modifiers.

7. Add these as seed phrases to your most popular analysis device to tug out associated queries, like utilizing broad match (+espresso well being) and phrase match (“coffee health”) modifiers to return extra related queries:

This then offers you a set of extra “suggested queries” to broaden your search (e.g. espresso advantages) in addition to associated key phrase concepts you may discover additional.

That is additionally an excellent place to start out for figuring out variations in search queries by location, like if you wish to see totally different subjects persons are trying to find within the UK vs. the US, then SerpAPI means that you can try this at a bigger scale.

In case you’re wanting to do that on a smaller scale, or with out the necessity to arrange an API, you may also use this actually useful device from Candour – Also Asked – which pulls out the associated questions for a broad subject and means that you can save the info as a .csv or a picture for fast evaluation:

When you’ve recognized all the subjects persons are trying to find, you can begin drilling into new key phrase alternatives round them and assess how they alter over time. Many of those alternatives don’t have swathes of historic information reported within the traditional analysis instruments, however we all know that persons are trying to find them and may use them to tell future content material subjects in addition to fast key phrase alternatives.

You can too observe these Individuals Additionally Ask options to determine when your opponents are showing in them, and get a greater concept of how they’re altering their methods over time and how much content material and key phrases they may even be concentrating on. At Discovered, we use our bespoke SERP Real Estate tool to do exactly that (and rather more) so we are able to spot these alternatives shortly and work them into our approaches.

Scraping autosuggest

This one doesn’t want an API, however you’ll must be cautious with how incessantly you employ it, so that you don’t begin triggering the dreaded captchas.

Just like Individuals Additionally Ask, you may scrape the autosuggest queries from Google to shortly determine associated searches persons are coming into. This tends to work higher on a small scale, simply due to the guide course of behind it. You’ll be able to strive establishing a crawl with numerous parameters entered and a customized extraction, however Google can be fairly fast to choose up on what you’re doing.

To scrape autosuggest, you employ a quite simple URL question string:

https://suggestqueries.google.com/full/search?output=toolbar&hl=&gl=uk&q=

Okay, it doesn’t look that easy, nevertheless it’s basically a search question that outputs all the urged queries in your seed question.

So, if you happen to have been to enter “cyber security” after the “q=”, you’ll get:

This offers you the commonest urged queries in your seed time period. Not solely is that this a goldmine for figuring out extra queries, however it will possibly present among the newer queries which have began trending, in addition to info associated to these queries that the same old instruments gained’t present information for.

For instance, if you wish to know what persons are trying to find associated to COVID-19, you may’t get that information in Key phrase Planner or most instruments that make the most of the platform, due to the promoting restrictions round it. However if you happen to add it to the counsel queries string, you may see:

This may give you a place to begin for brand new queries to cowl with out counting on historic quantity. And it doesn’t simply offer you strategies for broad subjects – you may add no matter question you need and see what associated strategies are returned.

If you wish to take this to a different stage, you may change the placement settings within the question string, so as a substitute of “gl=uk” you may add “=us” and see the urged queries from the US. This then opens up one other alternative to search for variations in search habits throughout totally different places, and begin figuring out variations in the kind of content material try to be specializing in in several areas — notably if you happen to’re engaged on worldwide web sites or concentrating on worldwide audiences.

Refining subject analysis

Though the same old instruments gained’t offer you that a lot info on model new queries, they could be a goldmine for figuring out extra alternatives round a subject. So, if in case you have mined the PAA characteristic, scraped autosuggest, and grouped your entire new alternatives into subjects and themes, you may enter these recognized “topics” as seed phrases to most key phrase instruments.

Google Adverts Key phrase Planner

Presently in beta, Google Adverts now presents a “Refine keywords” characteristic as a part of their Key phrase Concepts device, which is nice for figuring out key phrases associated to an overarching subject.

Beneath is an instance of the forms of key phrases returned for a “coffee” search:

 Right here we are able to see the key phrase concepts have been grouped into:

Model or Non-Model – key phrases regarding particular firms

Drink – forms of espresso, e.g. espresso, iced espresso, brewed espresso

Product – capsules, pods, on the spot, floor

Technique – e.g. chilly brew, French press, drip espresso

These subject groupings are incredible for locating extra areas to discover. You’ll be able to both:

Begin right here with an overarching subject to determine associated phrases after which undergo the PAA/autosuggest identification course of.

Begin with the PAA / autosuggest identification course of and put your new subjects into Key phrase Planner

Whichever manner you go about it, I’d advocate doing a number of runs so you may get as many new concepts as attainable. When you’ve recognized the subjects, run them by the refine key phrases beta to tug out extra associated subjects, then run them by the PAA/autosuggest course of to get extra subjects, and repeat a number of occasions relying what number of areas you wish to discover or how in-depth you want your analysis to be.

Google Tendencies

Tendencies information is likely one of the most modern units you may take a look at for subjects and particular queries. Nonetheless, it’s value noting that for some subjects, it doesn’t maintain any information, so that you would possibly run into issues with extra area of interest areas.

Utilizing “travel ban” for example, we are able to see the tendencies in searches in addition to associated subjects and particular associated queries:

Now, for brand new alternatives, you aren’t going to search out an enormous quantity of knowledge, however if you happen to’ve grouped your alternatives into overarching subjects and themes, you’ll have the ability to discover some extra alternatives from the “Related topics” and “Related queries” sections.

Within the instance above we see these sections embody particular places and particular mentions of coronavirus – one thing that Key phrase Planner gained’t present information on as you may’t bid on it.

Drilling into the totally different associated subjects and queries right here will provide you with a bit extra perception into extra areas to discover that you could be not have in any other case been capable of determine (or validate) by different Google platforms.

Moz Keyword Explorer

The Moz interface is a superb place to begin for validating key phrase alternatives, in addition to figuring out what’s at present showing within the SERPs for these phrases. For instance, a search for “london theatre” returns the next breakdown:

From right here, you may drill into the key phrase strategies and begin grouping them into themes as nicely, in addition to having the ability to evaluation the present SERP and see what sort of content material is showing. That is notably helpful relating to understanding the intent behind the phrases to be sure to’re wanting on the alternatives from the correct angle – if much more ticket sellers are displaying than information and guides, for instance, then you definitely wish to be focusing these alternatives on extra business pages than informational content material.

Different instruments

There are a number of different instruments you need to use to additional refine your key phrase subjects and determine new associated concepts, together with the likes of SEMRush, AHREFS, Reply The Public, Ubersuggest, and Sistrix, all providing comparatively related strategies of refinement.

The bottom line is figuring out the alternatives you wish to discover additional, wanting by the PAA and autosuggest queries, grouping them into themes, after which drilling into these themes.

Key phrase analysis is an ever-evolving course of, and the methods by which you’ll find alternatives are all the time altering, so how do you then begin planning these new alternatives into methods?

Forming a plan

When you’ve received all the information, you want to have the ability to formalize it right into a plan to know when to start out creating content material, when to optimize pages, and when to place them on the again burner for a later date.

A fast (and constant) manner you may simply plot these new alternatives into your current plans and methods is to comply with this course of:

Establish new searches and group into themes

Monitor modifications in new searches. Run the train as soon as a month to see how a lot they alter over time

Plot tendencies in modifications alongside business developments. Was there an occasion that modified what individuals have been trying to find?

Group the alternatives into actions: create, replace, optimize.

Group the alternatives into time-based classes: topical, curiosity, evergreen, rising, and so on.

Plot timeframes across the content material items. Something topical will get moved to the highest of the record, rising themes might be plotted in round them, interest-based might be slotted in all year long, and evergreen items might be changed into extra hero-style content material.

Then you find yourself with a plan that covers:

Your entire deliberate content material.

Your entire current content material and any updates you would possibly wish to make to incorporate the brand new alternatives.

A revised optimization strategy to work in new key phrases on current touchdown pages.

A revised FAQ construction to reply queries persons are trying to find (earlier than your opponents do).

Growing themes of content material for hubs and class web page growth.

Conclusion

Discovering new key phrase alternatives is crucial to staying forward of the competitors. New key phrases imply new methods of looking out, new info your viewers wants, and new necessities to satisfy. With the processes outlined above, you’ll have the ability to carry on prime of those rising subjects to plan your methods and priorities round them. The world of search will all the time change, however the wants of your viewers — and what they’re trying to find — ought to all the time be on the middle of your plans.

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[phoebeshumanitiesblog]

My Themed Playlist

Introduction

     I think a lot of people have a complicated relationship with Christmas. Christmas becomes a time where we are forced to confront our past. We may be overwhelmed with memories of loved ones who passed away or family members we no longer have a relationship with. I find myself confronted with memories of both of these things this year. At twenty-two, I feel myself fighting to grasp onto the last shred of magic I had once felt around this Holiday.  For those of us who have had Christmas’s magical light fade, Christmas becomes haunting. It is a bittersweet holiday. We remember happy moments we spent with the ghosts of our past and those snippets of joy collide with the painful memories.      Last Christmas was one of the last days I saw my boyfriend before he was found dead in a motel room. As Christmas approaches I find myself reflecting on my memories with him. When I was trying to think of a theme for this project, I couldn’t stop thinking about the time we made gingerbread houses together. As someone who is haunted by Christmas, I wanted to explore the theme of “Sad Christmas”. I am hoping my playlist reflects the wide range of emotions circulating throughout our communities as Christmas inches closer. “Grown-Up Christmas List” Amy Grant Pop Ballad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmF2rsDHOZc

     The lyrics focus on the negative aspects of the world she would like to change and how she reflects on these things at Christmas. She contrasts her childhood wishes for Christmas with her wishes now. She explains how the way she saw Christmas as a child has changed drastically from how she views Christmas now.      The melody demonstrates a large vocal range. During the verses, her mood is more melancholy which is demonstrated by a lower vocal register This contrasts with the chorus, when she moves into a higher vocal register to convey a more hopeful feeling for what she wants from Christmas. The tempo is slow which allows for the singer to sing drawn out and dramatically. The slow tempo also sets a contemplative mood as she reflects on her feelings about Christmas. Again this allows for the song to convey the sadness behind the words.      The song opens with consonant musical sounds which allows one to feel the soothing nature a child feels when they are first introduced to Christmas. Consonant harmonies continue throughout the piece, but the shift in harmonic progression at the start of the chorus is less predictable which creates a dramatic effect. This sets up the listener to really feel the emotions of the sad lyrics that follow.      The piece has a binary form of ABAB which toggles between the verses and chorus. This allows there to be contrast between the version of Christmas the singer experienced as a child and the version she experiences now. “Christmas Tears” Freddie King Blues https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i2wypLkWkY

     In this song the lyrics tell the story of a man who is both irritated and sad around Christmas as the holiday makes him think of an ex lover. The melody is repetitive and relatively stagnant, which allows more emphasis to be placed on the lyrics. The tempo is laid back and allows for improvisation of the instruments, which is typical of the blues style. The constance of the tempo expresses the artists’ feeling of agitation. As expected of the genre, the song includes more dissonant chords from the blues scale. The harmonic progression is basic and predictable, but includes interesting harmonies such as seventh chords. The slight dissonance in harmonies demonstrates the conflict of the singer’s mixed emotions about his ex-lover. He is missing his lover but also angry. The conflicting feelings are typical of a breakup.      In terms of form, this song is closely reminiscent of the form Theme and Variations. The first verse demonstrates a simple version of the melodic theme, which he repeats throughout the piece. Each time the theme is repeated, he varies it with different instrumental interludes and vocal embellishments.      Throughout the song, the vocalist demonstrates word painting. He uses slight differentiations in the melody to draw attention to certain phrases. For instance, when he sings “smiling on the outside” at the end of the second verse, sings a higher note. Higher notes sometimes resemble a feeling of joy, such as the smile he is singing about, but the harsher tone in his voice demonstrates the anguish he feels on the inside.

“River” Joni Mitchell Folk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NH-ctddY9o     Joni Mitchell’s “River” is a well known “Sad Christmas” anthem. As she gazes upon the Christmas decor and spirited lovers, she is forced to confront memories of her own failed relationship. The joyful feelings of those around her give her a desire to run away. She is one of the people haunted by Christmas.      This song opens with an allusion to the commonly known melody of Jingle Bells. The piece also closes with this theme from Jingle Bells, but it is more harmonically distorted to include more dissonance and minor chords. The use of jingle bells juxtaposes the commonly shared thoughts people have of christmas with her own personal experiences. The contrast between the light heartedness of the start of the piece with the gloomier ending demonstrates how her past Christmases with her lover were more happy and now they are only distant memories. The minor chord she ends on leaves the listener in a state of gloom to empathize with how the artist feels about her heartache.      The song contains several examples of word painting to illustrate the message of the music with the melody. For instance, on the chorus, she elongates the word “long” with a vocal run. Similarly, on the word “fly,” she does a long vocal run then takes an upward direction, as if she is leaving the ground and taking flight. The accompaniment of the piano also demonstrates word painting. The flowing and constant nature of the piano symbolizes the flowing of a moving river. The moderately fast tempo conveys the constance of the river.      The form of the song is most representative of binary form. The verses each repeat the A section twice and then move into the chorus, which is the B section. The form could also potentially be categorized as a sonata form. It is typical that a sonata might start with an introduction before the exposition, just as Joni Mitchell begins with Jingle Bells before the verse. Then, the chorus could be categorized as a development, except she does not move to the key of the dominant harmony as classical sonatas do. The exposition and development then repeat for the second verse and chorus, as many classical sonatas do. The piece then closes with a recapitulation, which is verse three and the jingle bells outro.

“Christmas Baby” Neptunica & Victor Perry Electronic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FBecSLEjuo

    The harmonies used in this song are very consonant, which are typical of Christmas songs that want to convey the joy of the season. However, when I listen to the lyrics of the piece, it conveys a more yearnful and lonely message. Lyrically, the singer is begging for her partner to return to her for the holidays so she does not have to be lonely.      As typical with the electronic genre, the melody is simple and repetitive while there are more complexities found in the background. As the piece goes on, more layers of instrumentation are subtly added.      Form wise the song follows the structure of verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. The bridge has the most harmonic interest of the song. This is most representative of expanded rounded binary form. The first section is made up of two subsections, which are the verse and chorus. The section is then repeated for verse 2 and chorus 2. The bridge then represents contrasting material on the dominant harmony at the beginning of the B section, and then it returns to the chorus for the other subsection of B.

“Pretty Paper” Willie Nelson Country https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM7x5dwhFXs      “Pretty Paper” differs from the rest of my “sad Christmas” playlist as the story is told in a second person narrative rather than a first person. The singer is drawing attention to those among us who are alone during what is meant to be a season spent with loved ones. He emphasizes “the blind eye” and lack of empathy many choose to show those who are alone.      Throughout the piece, Willie Nelson does not stray from the harmonic progression set forth in the first stanza. Each stanza follows the same progression with a similar melody, which is indicative of Theme and Variations. With each new stanza, variance is given by differentiation in lyrics and slight melodic embellishments.      Country music sometimes shares characteristics of blues, and this song is a great example of that. Several jazzier chords are included, primarily seventh chords. This added dissonance creates harmonic interest and represents the melancholy mood of the song as he narrates this Christmas story.

“Last Christmas” Wham! Pop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI

     In “Last Christmas” the singer is disillusioned with Christmas. The Christmas prior he was filled with the hope and cheer many experience during the Holiday Season. He gave his heart to someone expecting the feelings he had for them to be reciprocated. The betrayal of his past lover haunts his current Christmas as he now associates the memories of his past lover with the holiday.      This song contains constant and repetitive harmonies add to the catchiness of this song. Dissonance is primarily heard in the overlying vocal runs during the last several repetitions of the chorus. These moments of dissonance add to the feeling of anguish heard in the singer’s voice as he laments over his regrettable past.      Rhythmically, the piece contains certain moments of syncopation. For instance, in the second verse, when he sings “I kept my distance, but you still catch my eye.” At the beginning of the phrase (“I kept my distance”), all major syllables fall on the beat; however, in the second half of the phrase, the words “catch my eye” all fall on the upbeats. This rhythmic complexity makes the beat less stable, which represents the emotional instability the singer feels when he catches a glimpse of his past lover.      Structurally, the piece follows the form of chorus (x2), verse 1, verse 2, chorus (x2), verse 3, verse 4, chorus, verse 5, chorus (several repetitions). This form is reminiscnant of rondo form, because the main section, the chorus, continually comes back again several times, with other sections in the middle. The continual repetition of the chorus represents how the artist keeps returning to this painful memory in his heart.

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Why we’re so bad at counting the calories we eat, drink or burn

Getting the parts proper may be difficult. knape/E+ through Getty Pictures

Individuals usually eat greater than traditional across the holidays – and this yr greater than most because the pandemic prompts many to emphasize eat.

A standard option to keep away from placing on further weight is by selecting more healthy choices with fewer energy per serving. One downside with this technique is that folks are inclined to eat extra of one thing in the event that they assume it’s more healthy. For instance, a visitor at a vacation feast could fill her plate with Brussels sprouts as a substitute of carb-heavy meals, like mashed potatoes, that folks affiliate with extra weight achieve.

However that works provided that you’re moderately good at counting or evaluating energy throughout dishes and portions – a subject we explored in a collection of research that might be revealed within the Journal of Shopper Analysis. We realized it’s so much tougher to do than you may assume.

Counting energy

Well being consultants typically suggest two methods of evaluating the caloric content material of meals: attempt to give you actual numerical counts in meals parts or just assume in qualitative phrases about high- and low-calorie meals – brie cheese and mashed potatoes = excessive, peas and Brussels sprouts = low.

Those that favor the latter technique contend it is going to result in related conclusions however might be simpler for most individuals to do usually. However our analysis suggests these two strategies lead to very totally different calorie estimates – with a major impression on weight-reduction plan.

In our first examine, we recruited a number of hundred undergraduate college students and confirmed them two photos: a picture of a plate of 20 grams of chocolate-covered almonds and one with 33 grams of plain roasted almonds – with out disclosing the precise weights.

We then randomly requested half of them to guess what number of energy every plate had on a scale from “only a few” to “so much” and the others to offer their greatest exact numerical estimate. Contributors have been then proven the pictures once more and requested to choose the lower-calorie choice of the 2 – which we then allow them to eat.

Which plate has extra energy? Kaitlin Woolley, CC BY-SA

We discovered that members who used the dimensions thought the bigger portion of almonds had fewer energy than the chocolate-covered ones. And when selecting a low-calorie snack, most college students selected the common almonds. Alternatively, a lot of the college students who made numerical guesses accurately selected the chocolate-covered almonds because the much less caloric choice. On common, they estimated the chocolate-covered almonds had about 111 energy, versus 117 for the common ones.

However even this group vastly underestimated simply what number of energy the bigger portion of standard almonds had: 200, double the variety of energy within the chocolate-covered ones.

We imagine the explanation those that rated their estimates on a scale obtained it so flawed is as a result of they have been pondering qualitatively fairly than quantitatively. A scale from “only a few” to “so much” sounds much like “very wholesome” to “very unhealthy.” Contributors obtained so targeted on the notion that the roasted almonds are more healthy that they neglect that the quantity they devour can be an essential consider estimating energy. The psychological effort of attempting to give you an precise determine forces one to think about each well being and amount.

Turkeys and burgers

We then repeated variations of the primary examine, together with one by which we had members estimate the variety of energy burned in varied low- and high-intensity exercises, with related outcomes. We additionally thought-about totally different meals.

For that examine, we requested 277 individuals who had eaten at Subway and McDonald’s within the earlier yr to estimate energy in a 12-inch turkey sub sandwich and a cheeseburger. Individuals requested to make scaled, qualitative estimates for each thought the turkey sub had fewer energy, whereas those that made numeric estimates accurately guessed that the sub truly had extra energy – in reality, 510 versus simply 300 for the burger.

To see if we will discover a option to appropriate for this constant error involving qualitative estimates, we arrange the sooner almond examine however first requested some members to take a look at 12 photos of different-sized snack plates and decide the portion dimension on a sliding scale from very small to very giant.

Contributors then estimated calorie quantities for the small plate of chocolate-covered almonds and the big plate of standard almonds. Drawing their consideration to portion dimension helped all members grow to be extra correct of their estimates, which was particularly helpful for individuals making qualitative estimates.

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So, whereas individuals are not all that good at counting energy, whether or not consumed in meals or burned from train, there are methods to get higher at it. Simply bear this in thoughts on the subsequent feast, if you’re tempted to cowl your plate with Brussels sprouts.

The authors don’t work for, seek the advice of, personal shares in or obtain funding from any firm or group that will profit from this text, and have disclosed no related affiliations past their educational appointment.

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