#like LISTEN. i could pull my college ex friend's crush so easily

[crackwhorism]

babygirl if you knew how many homewrecker fantasies I daydream about on a daily basis it's gonna be so over

[omgrachwrites]

Teacher Trapped - Sharon Carter

Pairing: Sharon Carter x Female Reader

Summary: Your high school students are sick and tired of watching you and the music teacher, Sharon Carter pine for each other so they take matters into their own hands. Teacher au

Warnings: so much fluff, swearing, probably ooc

Words: 1724

A/N: I think you guys have realised that I no longer have a proper writing schedule, they stress me out so I’m just gonna post when I feel like it, so I hope that’s okay! I got this idea for this au when I was in work and I was so excited to write it! This is my first time properly writing for a female character and I’m sorry if I’ve butchered Sharon’s character. Hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think, I love you all! xxx

There came a knock on the door of your classroom as you finished the English Literature display for your 10th graders. Without looking at the door, you adjusted the Lord of the Flies poster and you called out, “come on in!” you expected that it was one of your students; some of them arrived early because it was the only time that their parents could drop them off. That was why you were always here so early, it turned out to be quite handy to get some extra work done.

However, when you turned to see whoever was lingering in the doorway, your cheeks flushed when you saw who it was, “good morning, Y/N,” the beautiful blonde woman smiled, she was holding a box of donuts and an extra cup of coffee. It was Sharon Carter, the music teacher and she also happened to be the woman that you had a crush on.

“Hi, Sharon,” you smiled, finally finding your voice, “what are you doing here so early?” you were probably imagining it but you could have sworn that her cheeks deepened ever so slightly with a blush.

“I’ve um got some work to do before the kids come in and I wasn’t sure whether you’d had breakfast or not. You’re always here so early,” she grinned as she placed the steaming cup of coffee on your desk and lifted the lid off the box of donuts.

You chewed on your bottom lip; you really shouldn’t be eating so much sugar this early in the morning. However, the gorgeous smell of the deep fried treat filled your classroom and your resolve considerably weakened, “oh go on then,” you smiled shyly when Sharon laughed, her eyes crinkling at the edges as she did so, “thank you,” you grinned as you picked out the one that had cinnamon brown sugar generously sprinkled over the top.

“You’re welcome,” Sharon shot you a sweet smile.

“God, that’s amazing,” you groaned as you took a bite out of the delicious treat.

Sharon flushed and looked away from you, running a hand through her long hair, “I’d better get going, I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

You felt disappointment ping in your chest but you pushed it away and offered her a small smile, “bye, Sharon.”

As Sharon walked out, a group of your students walked in and took one look at your flushed face as they made their way to their seats, “good morning, Miss,” one of them smirked.

“Morning guys, have you had breakfast yet?” you asked as you grabbed cartons of orange juice and protein bars out of your cupboard, it wasn’t much but you liked to make sure that all your students ate in the morning.

“Thanks, Miss Y/L/N,” one of the boys smiled before he piped up again, “do you like Miss Carter?”

“Of course I do! She’s an excellent teacher,” you felt butterflies in your stomach and you willed yourself not to blush.

“Uh-huh,” your students sounded unconvinced as they cheekily smirked at each other.

Over the next couple of days, Sharon came to see you in the mornings and you went to visit her too. It seemed as though yours and Sharon’s students were getting sick of the constant blushy smiles and the lingering pining looks that were exchanged between you and Sharon. Unbeknownst to the both of you, your students out their heads together and concocted a plan to get you both together.

On Friday afternoon, one of your students raised her hand, “can I use the bathroom, please, Miss?”

“Of course,” you smiled at her as you grabbed a laminated hall pass out of your desk and handed it to her, “there you go.”

“Thanks Miss!” she beamed at you as she got up from her seat. You completely missed the way she grinned with the rest of the class before she walked out into the corridor.

A couple of minutes later a boy that you recognised from Sharon’s class knocked on your open door, “can I help you?” you asked with a smile.

“Uh, Miss Carter was wondering whether she could meet you in the empty English classroom down the hall after school. She wants to go over some work with you.”

You silently questioned why a music teacher would need to go over some work with an English teacher but you didn’t read too much into it, “of course, thank you for the message.”

At the end of the day, you and Sharon both arrived at the spare classroom at the same time, you smiled as her brown eyes twinkled as she grinned back at you, “what work did you want to go over with me?” you asked.

Sharon frowned at you, raising an eyebrow, “I was about to ask you the same thing,” okay, now you were confused.

“What are you talking about? You sent one of your students to tell me to meet you here.”

She shook her head, “no! That was you! What the fuck is going on?”

It was at that moment that the principal Sam Wilson – your best friend – walked out of the room, grinning like a Cheshire cat, “it’s ready for you guys.”

You and Sharon exchanged a confused glance as you walked into the classroom and you gasped at what you saw. A desk had been set up with candles, two steaming plates of pizza and two wine glasses full of red liquid. Yours and Sharon’s students were standing behind the desk, looking nervous.

“What’s going on guys?” Sharon asked, trying to sound stern.

A jock stepped forward, “we were getting so sick and tired of watching you two pine for each other. So we took matters into our own hands and pooled our allowance together to get you some food and Principal Wilson helped us set it up.”

It seemed that Sharon was as surprised as you as you both stared blankly at the students; butterflies were wreaking havoc in your stomach. What if Sharon rejected this idea? You didn’t even know if she dated women. Though, you were touched that they’d spent their own money to ensure that you would be able to have a date with one another.

“You like her don’t you?” a girl piped up.

“Of course I do!” you both said in unison before turning to look at each other when you realised the question hadn’t been directed at anyone in particular. There was a ghost of a smirk on Sharon’s face but her blush contradicted it.

“Looks like our work here is done,” someone snickered and you and Sharon both snapped out of it and turned back to look at your students.

“Thanks guys.”

“You’re welcome, have a good time,” the jock that spoke up before waved at you both as the students filed out of the room, leaving you and Sharon alone.

“Are you nervous?” Sharon laughed, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope,” you lied, smiling at her as she gestured at the table.

“Then shall we?” you nodded and you both sat down. Searching for something to do, you reached for the wine glass and looked at the suspicious liquid in the glass and tentatively raised it to your lips. You winced and coughed slightly at the sweet taste.

“It’s Grape Kool-Aid,” you coughed and Sharon burst out laughing as she took a sip of her own before she smiled over at you so sweetly that you momentarily forgot how to breath.

“So, you date women?”

You nodded as you fiddled with your fingers, “I take it that you do too?”

Sharon smiled, “yeah, and I like you.”

Happiness fizzed through your blood when you heard that your affections weren’t one sided, “you do?” you asked lamely.

“Well, of course. I don’t bring coffee and breakfast to everyone you know, and you’re completely fucking gorgeous,” she smirked, raising an eyebrow and you felt yourself relax as your cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“Good to know, I like you too.”

“Good to know,” she mimicked you before her eyes flickered down to your lips, “fuck it,” she muttered and leaned over the table to kiss you.

You gasped against her lips as you cupped her cheeks, tasting the Kool-Aid on her lips as she wrapped a hand in your hair, tugging slightly, causing pleasure to run through your body. After a couple of minutes, Sharon pulled away and grinned at you, “see no need to be nervous anymore, because I know that you were, Y/N.”

Sharon’s kiss had seemed to work wonders and the both of you talked easily as you ate your delicious pizza, “who did you go to prom with?”

You groaned as you took another sip of your drink as you relived the memory, “I was a loner in high school, and there was no way that anybody was taking me to prom. So, Sam took me.”

“Sam Wilson?” Sharon laughed as she rested her chin on her hand as she listened to you.

You rolled your eyes as you nodded, “yeah well you know he’s my best friend, his girlfriend had just broke up with him so he took me to prom as a favour and he wanted to make his ex-girl jealous, safe to say that it didn’t work,” you giggled, “who did you go with?”

“I dated a guy throughout high school, we broke up in college, he was a dickhead,” she rolled her eyes, “and then I started dating women and I’ve never been happier,” she smiled as she reached over to take your hand.

You grinned as you linked your fingers through hers, “were you Prom Queen?”

Sharon scoffed, “nope, they gave the crown to the head cheerleader, sometimes the cliché is right.”

“How dare they?!” you gasped and Sharon playfully narrowed her eyes at you.

“Yeah, I was very offended,” she laughed before looking at you with a soft smile, her brown eyes were warm and sparkling, “I really do like you, Y/N; I’m glad that we get to do this.”

“I really like you too, Sharon,” you smiled with delight, “I’m already thinking about our second date.”

“A date that hasn’t been organised by our students,” Sharon laughed but as you smiled at each other, you both knew they were amazing students and you would be forever grateful to them for giving you this moment.

--------------------------------------

@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​

[incoherentbabblings]

Is it too late to ask for more asks? 'Cos if not how about (separate pls), 2, 20, 43, 70, 77, 87, 95, 100 if possible? Thanks, I love your writing and all your AO3 fics, they are just so well written.

Last one! Anon I won't do all of these, as some were requested in previous asks, and I have written a bit too much over this week, but here's one last one for this fic game. Consider it a preview? A taster? A possibility? Of a fic I wanna write over the winter. Subject to many changes certainly, or not being written at all. I dunno. Anyway, last one! The fics from the past two weeks will be going up on Ao3 over the weekend, thank you for playing guys!

Birthday Ask Game

70. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

He found her in the library. He should have expected as much. It was where they first met, where they had spent most of their time getting to know each other. It was where Tim had developed a crush on her, guiltily broken up with his boyfriend, met her boyfriend, learned she was Robin, learned that her boyfriend was about six stops from crazy town, had their first kiss, first fight… honestly, how Miss Gordon hadn’t fired Stephanie and banned Tim for life was beyond him.

Still, his heart broke as he wandered up into the reference library, and found her crumpled up on the floor, tucked away and hidden in an aisle that was so rarely visited. She had a textbook of some kind open on her lap, and her cheeks were ruddy and wet.

“Steph…” Tim whispered.

She looked up at him, mournful but not surprised, then returned to reading. She spoke quietly, and Tim stood still at the end of the aisle, listening intently to her speech.

“You know, they once did group therapy sessions, at some Ivy League school, for people with narcissistic personality disorder. It took three weeks before their first names were mentioned. That’s how self-involved they can be. I mean, it’s not malicious always. Not in that group, definitely. It just never crossed their minds to ask what the other members were called. They’re not bad people. One person left and never came back because the group leader yawned, and they thought it was at them, despite them not even speaking at the time. They were so embarrassed at the thought that they were being made fun of. And we all think like that sometimes, right? That anxiety and worry at how others see you. But you try and remind yourself, the world and its people don’t revolve around you. You train yourself to learn perspective. So… it’s not that they’re bad people, it’s just… certain behaviours can crop up. And if no-one calls it out, or, worse, if they’re rewarded for thinking and behaving a certain way… why change? You know? It can lead to entitlement, and jealousy, and manipulative behaviour. You can’t control your emotions and how you feel a lot of the time, but you can… you can control your actions and behaviour. At least, that’s what I think.”

Tim moved to sit next to her. He closed the heavy book, then took her hand.

“You aren’t responsible for him. What he did. What he said. What he will keep doing.”

She nodded, gnawing her lip. She had a feeling Bruce would disagree. Weakly, she muttered a simple, “Yeah.”

Daringly, Tim reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He didn’t miss the way she leaned towards his hand as he did so.

“And no playing armchair psychologist Steph. No good comes of that. The guy is not your responsibility. Nothing you could have said or done would have made him… made him better.”

She screwed up her eyes. “Yeah.”

Tim looked up and down the aisle, hearing no-one else wandering around. “Did you come here for the quiet?” he asked. “Do you want to go back to your dorm?”

“I don’t feel safe there anymore.”

Stephanie scrubbed at her red eyes, and Tim's heart broke.

“Mine then?”

Her expression splintered, and she gave a horrible wheezy breath, air strangling in her throat. She gaped at him, disbelieving.

“You can’t want anything to do with me after all of this.”

“What? Will you consider me as crazy as one of your psychology case studies if I say yes?”

“That’s a shitty thing to say. It’s not a joke, Tim,” she chided. “Don’t say things like that. My ex, my… my job. You nearly died. For the sake of what?”

“For you.”

What he intended to be reassuring only further distressed her. “Stop it.”

“I’m not lying,” he urged, voice rising a bit too high. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh my God.” She began to fidget, tossing the book far away from herself, fingers twitching wildly and gasping wildly, like there wasn't enough air in the room.

“I’m serious!”

Her eyes, pretty blue eyes, were as wide as dinner plates when she responded, voice a paradoxically loud hiss. “I know you are! But what on Earth are you doing saying it like that? You can't just... declare things in that manner!”

“What? Honestly?” He watched as Stephanie got to her feet, marching up and down the aisle. She stepped so firmly she was leaving imprints in the stained carpet. He remained cross legged on the floor. “I wouldn’t have put myself through that if I didn’t think you were worth it. I love you Steph. I want to help people. I think we can do that together.”

She stopped her incessant marching at the end of the aisle, and looked back at him. The affection was shining in her eyes.

“I love you too,” she whispered, only to resume marching. “But”-

“But…” Tim quietly repeated.

“But you two need to leave. We’re closing in five minutes.”

The pair jumped, Stephanie squeaking, Tim leaping to his feet. A wheelchair rolled into view at Stephanie’s end of the aisle, and Miss Gordon was staring at them, unimpressed.

“Bad breakups and tortured declarations are all very fitting of this setting, but it’s past ten. Go home already, Stephanie.”

“But Babs”—

Barbara blinked behind her thick glasses. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles, and there were distinct dark circles reaching her cheek bones. Seemed she’d had a rough day too.

“For the love of God, Stephanie. There’s a nice boy wanting to help you. Maybe say yes and stop overcomplicating things, hmm?”

The two women had some unspoken conversation, until finally, Barbara rolled backwards, away and out of sight.

“Get out of my library you two! Come on lovebirds! Hurry up!” she called. There was a threat in her tone, but also something maternal and good humoured too.

Stephanie whirled back around, having been forced into a decision by the college librarian. “I’ll go to yours if you promise no funny business.”

Tim shook his head and held up his hands. “I’ll be saint-like.”

Stephanie narrowed her eyes. “You’re not a member of some weird cult?”

“Not even Scientology.”

“You’re not interested in me because of… my-my boss… are you?”

Tim clicked his tongue. “He’s more of a negative than a perk to being with you. To be honest.”

“And you won’t go after any friends of mine if we have a fight?”

“Friends? Not… not more?”

Stephanie pressed her hands to her mouth and nose, cupping her face so he couldn’t see her blush.

“Stop flirting.”

Tim took off his denim jacket, holding out the arms for her. “Can’t help it. I said I’d be saint-like, not made of stone. Come on, it’s cold out.”

She observed him for a short while, a tentative hopefulness in her expression. Tim resolved to nurture it. Slowly, she nodded, smiling softly to herself, and allowed him to slide her arms into the sleeves. Pulling it in close, she inhaled deeply. Tim grinned jauntily.

“Let’s go home?”

She leapt into his arms. He caught her and squeezed tight. It felt like he had been doing the action for all his life, so easily and comfortably she fit in his hold. He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied,

“Home.”

[theoneryderlynn]

Self Para || One of Us

Location: Ohio State University

Date: Freshman Year of College. 

Notes: Bits of young Ryder during his freshman year in college that are relevant to his current story (aka before the Ryley era :D). Also, I have decided to pick young Vanessa Hudgens as an FC for Felicia.

Refresh.

Ryder’s eyes scrutinized his laptop’s screen as he tried to check whether his newest essay had already been graded. Nothing yet. He was feeling good about this one; the past few months in college had been decent for him. Despite being dyslexic, he’d managed to get good grades. Although Ryder was rather fond of his sessions with his tutor, he was told it wouldn’t be long till they would be necessary. He focused on the following few assignments and then rechecked his email. Seeing a familiar address, he quickly clicked on the tab.

Dear Mr. Lynn, I’m happy to inform you that your recent essay on “Social media’s influence in business” has been graded A-. Regardless of a few mistakes, your work proved excellent knowledge of the topic.

Ryder widened his eyes as he saw the message; it was hard to believe what had just happened. It was his first A in college, something he had never thought he would achieve. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to his parents and sister. Freya congratulated him, but his father seemed unbothered. “Not good enough.” He read the response out loud and sighed, leaning back. He wouldn’t let his father ruin the day. Not now.

------------------

He was lost in his thoughts for a moment as he was preparing two cups of coffee, still a little bit sleepy after an eventful Saturday night. He blinked when he realized that the warm liquid had been ready for a couple of minutes and that he was staring at the cups without doing anything. Finally, Ryder cleared his throat and moved towards the table.

“If you need sugar, I can bring…” He mumbled, placing one of the cups in front of Felicia, a brown-haired girl from his faculty. When she declined, he took a seat opposite her and took one of the forks. He was starving; luckily, she cooked a bunch of good omelets for the two of them.

“I had a really good time last night.” Ryder lifted his head when he heard Felicia’s voice, realizing that he’d just dropped his fork. He crouched down to look under the table and murmured a ‘sorry’, realizing that he was acting like an idiot. A hot girl was telling him that she had fun, and he was acting like a total fool, “You’re cute.” She added, causing him to smile. Okay, okay. Things weren’t that bad.

“I had a good time too.” He responded, a shy, lopsided grin present on his face. Somehow, these things didn’t come easily, “I should probably say, you’re cute too, but you’re like more…” He rambled on, gesticulating awkwardly. Ryder bit on his lip, blushing for a moment and realizing that he was once again doing the wrong thing. He took a small bite of his food.

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

“So, I wanted to ask...you know, this thing has been going on for a while, and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to take it further. I would like to know where I stand, if we’re just a fling or something else.” She spoke up, looking Ryder in the eye, something he hadn’t expected last night when they had met up at a restaurant, and ended up in his apartment later on.

Truthfully, Ryder hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time. Indeed, he’d dated in high school, but things had never been serious. However, college dating seemed slightly different, so maybe it was a chance for him to change. Nevertheless, he remained quiet for a second, unable to speak. He wasn’t sure if there was a good answer to Felicia’s question.

“I’d like that. We could give it a try.” He finally spoke up with a shy smile on his face. She was lovely and gorgeous, it wouldn’t hurt, right?

She took a small sip of her coffee and shuffled a bit closer, “That’s good to hear…” Ryder felt their eyes meeting and blushed again. He wasn’t used to the serious conversations, “One more question before we can get back to business…” She started with a cheeky grin, “Look, I wanna know...What’s up with you and the Marley girl? I don’t wanna be second best, so I have to ask.”

Ryder sighed, hearing the question. People kept on asking him about one of his best friends, and he had no idea why. It’s not like there were any chances for them to get together, “Well, nothing’s happening.” The brunette shrugged, “We met in high school; I liked her a lot, cause you know, she’s crazy talented, but erm...she kinda picked someone else. I let it go. We were best friends in high school, attended Glee club together, nothing else. We changed schools after our Sophomore year. I met her again a couple of months ago here. Now we’re friends again. She’s very talented, and I like listening to her music, that’s it. Friendship, nothing more.” He explained, hoping that she would see how genuine he was being. Seconds later, he felt their hands intertwine, and he leaned forward to kiss the brunette.

So far, so good.

--------------------------

The gyms at Ohio State weren’t that bad; Ryder immensely enjoyed them. They even had a sauna room which seemed incredible, especially after a long workout. Exercising with one of his best friends was a good idea for an afternoon and a nice replacement for canceled football practice.

“So, if this NFL trial goes well, I might be leaving at the end of the year. Not a big deal.” Nathan, Ryder’s college best friend, smiled at the brunette when they finished running on the treadmills. Both of them rushed towards the dumbbells.

“I’m super happy for you, bro. I think you’ll crush it!” Ryder was genuinely happy for his buddy succeeding; he was a killer player, so he deserved it more than anyone.

“What about you?” 

“What about me…” Ryder repeated, grabbing two of the middle dumbbells, he wasn’t going to start with the heaviest ones to avoid injury. He did a few lifts before answering, “I don’t think I’ll ever be a pro player. I mean, I’m not even in the main squad. I wanna graduate, and find a nice job, whether it’s here or somewhere else.” He shrugged and kept on exercising. They both spoke about the games a little bit when Nathan said,

“Oh I forgot to tell you. Felicia had lunch with Mary last night. She saw you and Marley this week, and she wasn’t happy about it.”

Ryder frowned, “Yeah, she texted me about it. I don’t see her problem, we had brunch and talked about school. Nothing too special.” He added, placing the dumbbells where they belonged, and then started doing stretches. Nathan joined him.

“Look, I’m not saying she’s right, but you two.” He pointed at Ryder, “You and the blue-eyed lady have this kind of vibe.” He exaggerated the last word, looking Ryder in the eye.

“We’re friends. I’m allowed to have friends. I’m not going to give up my friendship with Marley because Felicia seems insecure. I’ll explain that it was nothing serious; it will be fine.” Ryder lifted himself and headed towards the other room. He wasn’t planning on dwelling on the topic for too long, the issue wasn’t worth it. 

Nathan seemed not convinced but remained quiet.

----------------------

Ryder kept staring at his phone as he checked if he’d borrowed all the necessary books from the library; the notes option was a lifesaver. Sophomore year had just started, and he was ready to learn more. He’d managed to finish the first one with a B grade which was a huge success. Even if his tutoring sessions were still set, they happened less often as his teacher was delighted with his achievements. When he was leaving the library, he almost bumped into someone. Damn, he shouldn’t be so focused on his phone, “Uh sorry…” He mumbled and lifted his eyes to see a familiar face, “Uh...hey...hey, Felicia. Hi.” He gave her an awkward nod before adjusting his backpack’s strap.

“Hey, Ryder. How was your summer?” She asked with a slight smile on his face.

Summer. Right. They hadn’t spoken for a few months. He’d spent the past summer with Marley and helped her mom at the bakery. While he’d been away from the university, he’d completely forgotten about the past year’s problems.

“Uh, it was alright. I was resting...and all that stuffs. How was yours? Everything alright?” He knew he sounded awkward, but it couldn’t be helped. Ryder wasn’t an expert when it came to these situations.

Luckily for him, his ex-girlfriend was way better at them, “It was great. I spent a month in France with my friends.” She responded with a small nod.

Ryder flashed her an awkward smile and was ready to move before she spoke again, “I saw you two yesterday. You looked very happy.” She told him, a genuine tone in her voice.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, staring at his feet.  He wasn’t sure if he was even supposed to answer, “Yeah…” He replied quietly.

“For the record, I think you’re great together. You deserve it, Ry; you’re a good guy.” She touched his shoulder, causing him to smile. Okay, so this was going way better than he’d expected. Of course, they hadn’t ended up on good terms, but maybe there was a chance to fix this. They’d see each other in class for the next few years, after all.

“Thanks. I hope you’ll find someone that makes you happy.” Ryder responded, a smile still present on his face. The past few weeks felt like a dream come true, so maybe it was apparent how ecstatic he was.

“Oh, don’t worry. I got this.” She winked at him before moving past his shoulder, “I’ll see you around.”

Ryder gave her an awkward wave and started walking towards the exit. He pulled out his phone and typed a quick message to Marley  “Lunch on me :) Let’s hang out!! Can’t wait to see you again :)”.

It was quite a decent start to their Sophomore year.

[shotgun--rider]

Fake It Till You Make It - One

A Sam x Reader Series

PART ONE

Y/N knows it’s a bad idea to try telling her family that she’s dating Sam Winchester. But it’s just for the week of her sister’s wedding, and it’s all fake anyway. What could go wrong?

Word Count: 3600

Warnings: plus size! Reader, background Destiel for a hot sec, fatphobic comments, Y/N’s family are demons

A/N: Has this trope probably been done five million times? Yes. Am I about to do it again? Yes. 

Your cellphone rang and you grimaced, rolling your eyes as you took in Dean’s all-too-amused expression. Your best friend may have thought your situation was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, but that didn’t mean you were of the same opinion. 

“What?” you snapped out, not bothering to read the caller ID. Who else would be calling you for the fifth time in as many hours?

“Well that’s not a very nice way to greet your mother.”

Here you went again, the same thing over and over. You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “What do you want now, Mom?”

Bent over something under Baby’s hood, Dean snorted, shamelessly listening to your half of the conversation. He could probably hear your mother too, you thought wryly. The woman was certainly loud enough. 

“Well, listen, honey,” your mother began. “I was just talking to Jimmy...you remember Jimmy? From down the street, you used to--”

“Yes, Mom, I remember Jimmy.” you said tiredly. “Why do we care about Jimmy?” Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. 

“For the wedding! I just asked, and Jimmy agreed to come with you.”

You let out an alarmed noise before you could stop yourself. “Mom, no.” you said firmly, with an undercurrent of panic at the thought of being trailed around by awkward Jimmy for a week. “I know it’s hard to imagine,” you drawled sarcastically, “but the vows will still be successful if I’m there without a plus one. Not like I’m the one getting married, you know.”

Still focused on the Impala, Dean’s shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter. You seized the apple core you’d been munching on earlier and chucked it at him, feeling marginally better when it bounced off of his back. 

“Y/N L/N! You should be a little more grateful. Besides, have you even thought about how it’s going to look to Dick if you show up alone?”

“I don’t care,” you said automatically. “He’s a dick, pun absolutely intended.”

“He’s marrying your sister.”

“At least it’s not me.” 

“That miserable attitude is exactly why you’re going to die alone, young lady,” your mother snipped. “You could at least make an effort. Maybe if you just lost some weight--”

“Yeah, okay Mom.” You hung up the phone before she could get another word in, immediately flopping back onto Dean’s front lawn in defeat. “If I ever get married, it’s going to be in Vegas with Elvis, and nobody is going to know about it.” Not that you would. Given your complete inability to keep a boyfriend for longer than two months and your habit of getting hung up on guys who were completely out of your league, marriage, or a relationship of any kind didn’t seem to be in the cards. 

“Who’s Jimmy?” Dean’s green eyes were sparkling with mischief, and you let out a groan, smoothing out the skirt of your sundress as you sat back up to answer him. 

“Straight-laced, awkward, kind of greasy. Went to high school with me.” You wrinkled your nose. “My mother is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. She’d throw a fit if I actually tried to bring him home. But apparently Jimmy is a better temporary solution than being single while my sister marries my ex.” You trailed off into silence, your hand pulling absently at a few strands of grass in your best friend’s front lawn. “Maybe I should just rent a boyfriend to shut her up. That’s a thing, right? Like a non-sexual escort.”

“If you’re going to the trouble, you should also get the sex,” Dean returned, still smirking at you as he wiped grease off his hands. “Or you could take me. I would make the best fake boyfriend. And I’m free if you feed me.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing at the mental image. “My mom knows you have a boyfriend,” you sighed. “Which, believe me, is a great source of sadness to her every single day.”

Dean laughed loudly, both of you glancing toward the house as the screen door swung open. “Maybe we broke up,”

“Well, she still doesn’t understand the concept of bisexuality, so as far as she’s concerned, you’d still be gay.” You rolled your eyes, long since over your mother’s narrow-minded opinions.

“Who’s gay?” Castiel inquired vaguely, making his way over to the flowerbeds. 

“Dean is,” you pointed out helpfully, prompting a wide-eyed stare from Cas. 

“Really? Dean, you should have told me!”

When you’d first met Dean’s new boyfriend, he’d been stiff and absolutely useless at sarcasm. It was always nice to see yours and Dean’s combined efforts working.

“D’you want me to ask Sammy?”

You were still laughing at Cas’s antics, and snapped your head back to Dean so fast that you were positive something popped in your neck. “W-what?”

 “I can ask Sam if he’s free that week,” Dean repeated, looking at you like he thought you were stupid. “If you want,”

You blinked, irrational panic running through you at the thought of Dean’s younger, perfect, brother. 

“It’ll shut your mom up,” Dean went on, oblivious. “Sammy wouldn’t mind.”

“Dean, I barely ever see Sam,” you protested after an awkward pause. A fact that was quite devastating, actually, not that you’d ever admit to your hopeless crush on the younger Winchester. 

Your best friend and his boyfriend shared a look. “That’s because he’s a hopeless do-gooder on top of being a hotshot lawyer,” Dean said fondly. “But I bet we could talk him out of taking a bunch of free cases for a week,”

Walking into your sister’s wedding with Sam Winchester on your arm sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. On the other hand, it would shut your mother up. She’d been vocal in her fears of you dying alone since you’d been barely out of college, sending you links to weight-loss workout videos and advertising her fixer-upper daughter to single men in the grocery store for years. Sam’s presence might even serve to stave off comments about your weight, which seemed to be the family’s second-favorite discussion topic any time they were together. 

Still, that meant pretending Sam Winchester was your boyfriend for a week, which just seemed like some masochistic form of self inflicted torture. Besides, if even you knew Sam would never go for a girl like you, how in the world were you supposed to sell it to your nosy, skeptical family?

“I was mostly kidding about the whole fake boyfriend thing, Dean,” you said wearily, not wanting to devote any more thought to the idea. 

Dean shrugged easily, sharing one more pointed look with Cas before refocusing on you. “Fair enough. You’re still staying for dinner, though, right?”

You’d have to be crazy to turn down one of Dean’s steaks. “Obviously.”

“Great,” he returned brightly. “I think Charlie’s coming.”

--

You were going to kill Dean. And Cas too, potentially, though it was entirely possible that he’d genuinely just been too preoccupied with his backyard beehive to remember the full extent of his boyfriend’s dinner plans. Because, apparently, “Charlie’s coming” actually meant, “Charlie and also Sam are coming.” 

It only took about five minutes for Dean to bring up your mother’s nonsense, prompting you to consider just face planting into the mashed potatoes in embarrassment while Charlie burst out laughing. She thought the whole thing was unbelievably hilarious, and had immediately offered herself up as a fake date. The offer was well meant, you knew, but you were only trying to get your mother to shut up, not disown you for bringing home a girlfriend.  

“I don’t need a date,” you finally huffed out, irritated with the whole thing. “I’m perfectly capable of showing up by myself. It’s not like anyone’s going to have anything to say about it that I haven’t already heard.” It was true. Your mother, and you sister and all of your aunts and uncles, for that matter, had been making the same jabs at your weight and relationship status for the past decade. You were used to it by now. 

“Doesn’t mean you should have to hear it,” Charlie shrugged. “If we’re too gay for your mother, get somebody else.”

“I tried to tell her Sammy would do it,” Dean put in unhelpfully, elbowing his brother, who had been silent up until this point. You contemplated kicking him under the table. 

“Poor Sam does not need to be subjected to my family for no good reason,” you said firmly, hoping that would be the end of it.

Sam was studying you across the table. “Or you could just ask me,” he said finally, and you felt your face heat up as you realized you’d basically been speaking for him. 

“Yes!” Charlie burst out before you could come up with a reply. “Sam doesn’t mind, do you, Sam?”

Too late, you realized Charlie was the real villain in all of this. Your old roommate, after all, was the one who knew about your little crush. You wondered if it was worth running the risk of trying to kick her under the table without hitting Cas, who thus far had remained off of your hit list. 

Sam cleared his throat roughly, looking between you, Charlie, and his plate. “No, I don’t--I mean, I don’t think Y/N really--”

“No, I do,” you blurted out, scrunching up your face immediately after the words left your lips. I do? I do? Since when? And what was it about Sam fucking Winchester that always made you act like a complete idiot? 

Dean was smirking at you across the table, and you idly wondered what would happen if you tried egging Baby. 

“Oh,” Sam brought you back out of your thoughts, looking hesitantly pleased. “Well, I just wrapped my latest case up, so I don’t mind coming up with you for that week. If you want.”

“Are you sure?” you bit your lip. There were a lot of emotions vying for your attention, but the dominating one was concern for Sam’s wellbeing. He had no idea what he was trying to agree to. 

Sam sighed, staring you down with those hazel eyes. “Y/N, you’re basically family. Of course I’m sure. You just worry about the maid of honor stuff, and I’ll watch your back. Okay?”

This was a significantly softer ending to dinner than you’d expected, but you couldn’t deny the warm feeling that rushed up inside you at his words. I’ll watch your back. Pretty much no one in your life had ever done anything of the sort, until you met Charlie, and, through her, the Winchesters. You’d known Dean for months before you finally met Sam, and of course he was perfect. 

It was easy with Dean, since he’d been the big brother you’d never had from day one. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking (seriously those boys won some kind of genetic lottery, you swore) but it just wasn’t like that. And then Sam had shown up and he was six and a half feet of walking perfection. 

And now he was smiling reassuringly at you across the dinner table, having just agreed to pose as your completely fake boyfriend in front of your god awful family. Well, at least you’d be able to pinpoint the exact moment your life went completely sideways, if you ever had to look back.

-- 

Two anxiety-filled weeks later found you in Sam’s car, because subjecting his long legs to your tiny vehicle for a seven hour drive just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. You were driving at his insistence, and Sam was in the passenger seat with a legal pad on his legs like he thought he was going to take notes.

“Sam,” you whined out, “is this really necessary? Can’t we just... you know, lie?” Since the whole thing is a big fat giant lie anyway. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at you, and it just wasn’t fair how sexy that made him look. “Y/N, you’re the one that kept trying to warn me about getting cross examined by your mother,”

“Such a lawyer,” you huffed. “Okay, fine, you’re right. Let’s write our fake love story,” You batted your eyelashes at him exaggeratedly, punching a surprised laugh out of Sam. He watched your antics in amusement for a moment, and then refocused, absently playing with a pen in his long fingers. 

“Okay, how did we meet?”

You cocked your head to one side. “My mom knows who you are,” you explained. “Vaguely, but she knows you’re Dean’s brother. We can just tell them how we actually met and stuff,”

Sam smirked at you. “You tell your mother about me?”

You made a face at him, smacking his arm as the heat of embarrassment suffused your entire body. “Just in passing, don’t go getting a big head. Well,” you made a show of studying him, “a bigger head,”

He looked affronted, running a hand briefly through his hair. “Okay, fine, we met because of Dean. Where did I take you on our first date?”

“Why did you have to take me out? What if I took you out?” You were mostly arguing for the sake of arguing, trying to keep yourself from thinking too hard as you imagined a fake life with Sam that had never happened and never would. He thought of you as family, he’d said as much, and you had to remember that. 

“Because I had been waiting forever to ask you out, and I had all the good date ideas saved up,” Sam answered immediately.

“O-okay,” you said hesitantly, jarred by the conviction in his statement. But that was the point, wasn’t it? You were trying to sell it, and Sam was obviously a good actor. And unfairly attractive. And kind. And...and oh god. Your fingers gripped the steering wheel harder as you thought about the unexpected trial he hadn’t signed up for. “Sam, can you golf?”

He shrugged. “I know how it’s supposed to work. I’m just...not that good at actually getting the balls in the holes.”

If Dean were here, he would have taken that opportunity to make a lewd joke. As it was, you just winced. “My dad is going to force you to go golfing,” you explained tiredly. “I should have thought of that, I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s no big deal, Y/N,” Sam assured you easily. “I don’t mind. Besides, I want to meet your dad,”

You blinked at him, almost missing a turn in the process. “You actually want to meet my family? Sam, they’re terrible. Well, my dad’s probably the least awful of the bunch. Mostly he just hides. But Ruby will definitely try hitting on you, even though she’s supposed to be getting married, and Dick will try hitting on everything with legs, which is just gross, and Gramma Lilith is gonna give you the speech about how you could do so much better, and my Uncle Az is going to start Googling you and making weird threats, probably…” you trailed off in a huff. “It could be worse, I guess. At least if Uncle Fergus shows up everybody’ll start yelling at him instead. One can hope. He’s pretty harmless,” you shrugged, “if sometimes high. And my mother will probably just stick to the usual fat girl comments, so…”

Sam’s quiet laughter at your descriptions trailed off. “Y/N, you know there’s nothing wrong with you, right?”

You just shrugged again, deflecting. “Oh, come on, Sam, you don’t have to pretend like you think I’m a size two or something,”

“I’m...not,” Sam sounded genuinely confused, and you risked a glance over at him in the passenger seat. Oddly enough, he didn’t look like he was lying. Huh. “I think you’re beautiful.”

You didn’t want to have to pretend not to be affected by that, and this was maybe the first time in your life you’d actually been grateful to see the turnoff for your family’s old estate. “Here we go,” you narrated a little shakily. “It’s a big house,” you warned, still smiling a little at the way Sam’s eyes widened. 

It had been a given that the wedding would take place at your Aunt Abaddon’s old estate house, which no one was quite sure how she’d acquired and which no one questioned. The only fun of the house was watching people’s reactions on the rare occasion that you brought someone here. 

“I’ll get the bags,” Sam said vacantly, still staring at the house, and you chuckled softly, getting out of the car in a rush. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt important that you got to your family before Sam did, to put yourself between them, though at this point you weren’t quite sure who was being shielded from whom. 

You smoothed down the little sundress you’d decided to wear, grabbing your small duffel out of the backseat and hastily going up the front walk, Sam still rummaging in the trunk.

“Y/N!” Ruby opened the front door to meet you, her smile already insincere and condescending. “You’re late. We thought you weren’t coming.” She glanced behind you briefly, then smirked. “And you’re alone. I mean I figured you wouldn’t actually find a plus one, but you know you’re gonna owe me for the meal--”

“Got everything?” 

Oh thank god for Sam Winchester. You smiled tightly at your older sister, glancing briefly at your shoulder to reassure yourself that Sam was there. He was, holding a bag in each hand and a pleasant smile on his face. It was totally his false courtroom smile, but Ruby didn’t have to know that. “Ruby, this is...my boyfriend. Sam.”

Ruby blinked long eyelashes at him, processing. You figured she was torn between insulting you and flirting with him, and, as expected, the flirting won out. “Hi, Sam,” she purred. “I can’t wait to get to know you a little better,”

“Right,” Sam said flatly. “Well, I can’t wait to put these bags down, so…”

Something in Ruby’s expression soured as she looked at him, and her hand fell away from the doorframe as she stepped back, letting you both into the house. You lost no time in ducking past her, Sam right behind you. 

“There’s rooms on the second floor,” Ruby said quietly, then, “I’m up there too, just in case you get bored...”

“Great,” Sam returned, and he shifted both of the bags into one hand to put a hand on your back as you walked toward the staircase. You shivered at the touch, exhaling the frustration that was already tensing your shoulders, and started up the stairs. God, it hadn’t even been five minutes. How were you supposed to get through a whole week of this?

Sam’s warm breath on your ear startled you, and he whispered, “So, third floor?”

You turned to catch him with a mischievous spark in his hazel eyes, and nodded quickly, a little smile pulling up the corners of your mouth as you started toward the second staircase with a new energy in your step. 

“Hurry your fat ass, Y/N!” you heard Ruby shriek from somewhere below. “Everyone’s already out in the garden,”

You blew out your breath, hastily swinging open the first door you saw. The room was mercifully unoccupied, with a queen bed in the middle of the room and not much in the way of decoration. Your Aunt Abaddon had always been pretty minimalist. 

Sam shut the door behind you both, setting the bags down in a line at the foot of the bed.

“I can sleep on the floor,” you said quickly, figuring that it was best to get that out of the way as quickly as possible. “I’m the one that got you into this, so--”

He turned to face you with a quizzical expression. “Why would you...Y/N, you didn’t get me into anything. I said I wanted to be here. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll sleep on the floor,”

“No,” you sighed out, defeated. “Ruby’ll probably try barging in here anyway. I don’t think she believes you’re dating someone like me. We’re adults,” you went on with more confidence than you felt, “we can share,”

Sam’s brow furrowed adorably. Stop that. “Someone like you?” He moved to stand in front of you, one hand sliding very gently along your upper arm. “She doesn’t think I’d go for someone that’s funny and clever and really pretty?”

Something in your chest eased at his words, and, before your malfunctioning brain could stop you, you leaned forward to rest your forehead against his solid chest. “Thanks. She’s a bitch,” you mumbled into his shirt.

Sam’s hand migrated to gently rub over your back. “I’m beginning to get that impression,”

You stood there for a few more moments, letting yourself breathe within the safety of Sam’s arms, and then you straightened up and shook yourself. “Alright, boyfriend, ready to go meet the rest of the firing squad?”

He smiled down at you. “Whatever you say, honey bunch.”

You grimaced, but it got a laugh out of you, which you supposed had been his goal. “Absolutely not.”

“Cutie pie? Boo bear?”

“Stop it,” you threw a mock glare over your shoulder, opening the bedroom door. 

“Okay, darlin’,” Sam murmured, and somehow that one sat better than all the rest. “I’ve got your back, remember?”

You smiled back at him, letting him slide his hand in yours for the show, and you braced yourself to head back downstairs and deal with the full force of your family. 

[gvbejvmes]

Task: Love Song Drabble

Title: #1 Crush Rating: Varies. Let’s go with R to be safe Characters: Mostly just Gabriel James-Michaels and Jonathan James-Michaels Pairings: Gabe/Johnny, vague Johnny/Joan Warnings: References child abuse, assault, murder, suicidal ideation Summary: To be a part of you 'cause I believe in you. Song Inspiration: #1 Crush by Garbage Notes: Behold my latest insanity. 12 drabblettes based on different lyrics from #1 Crush. These are not interconnected. And each section stands alone.

I would die for you

It’s not very often that Gabe goes to the courthouse. With all the time he spent in and out of court it’s put a bad taste in his mouth. Sometimes though, when it’s been a tough trial, he’ll meet Johnny and drag him off to dinner. This case was particularly bad, and he isn’t entirely surprised that the steps surrounding the courthouse are packed. There’s media coverage, protestors, and people just trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s absolute chaos and for a moment he thinks about maybe waiting until his husband makes it to the car. He doesn’t though.

He finds his husband easily enough, and his security detail lets him through. It’s when he’s standing next to Johnny that he sees what’s going to happen. There was a gap in security. Something that was missed among the crowd of people.  If it wasn’t for the way the muzzle caught the reflection of the late afternoon sun he wouldn’t have noticed. All he knows is that it makes perfect sense to step in front of the bullet intended for his husband.

Pure madness erupts around him. There’s screaming and just so much noise. The only thing Gabe really has the ability to process is that the front of his shirt is soaked in blood. Somehow he winds up on the ground of the courthouse steps, his head cradled in his husband’s lap. Everything becomes white noise, and all he can focus on in Johnny trying to talk to him. He has no idea what he’s trying to tell him, but it’s nice just being able to see his face as the world fades away.

I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side; to know that you’re mine.

Gabe can barely breathe, but it doesn’t matter. He just needs to make it until Mr. Michaels gets there. He’s not an idiot. He knows that he’s not going to survive. At this point he’s too far gone. It had been an ambush. The shiv had hit him just right and, well, an inmate dying in prison wasn’t an unusual tale.

The people around him keep trying to tell him that it’ll be okay if he passes before Mr. Michaels gets there, but it won’t be. He needs to see his lawyer one last time. It’s the only thing he can say; it’s the only thing he can think about. They’re trying to make him comfortable in the prison infirmary and all he wants is to see his lawyer one last time.

He didn’t get to tell him before, and now it’s almost too late. He needs to say it before he passes; he doesn’t want to be a ghost. He can’t die until Mr. Michaels knows he’s in love with him. It’s the only thing he needs to do; he feels it in his bones. 

And when his lawyer flies into the room, looking wild and not like himself, it’s with his last breath that Gabe says, “God, I love the fuck out of you.” Vaguely he can hear Mr. Michaels screaming his name, but that’s okay. It just means that he heard his last words.

I will cry for you.

This is his routine: he gets up, makes a cup of tea, lets the dogs outside and makes breakfast. Some days he drags himself into the shower; most days he doesn’t. He dresses in a sweatshirt that still faintly smells like his husband, and walks to the cemetery. He’s not supposed to be a widower. At least not at his age. He’s not even pushing fifty, and he’s alone. The kids say he still has plenty of life ahead of him yet, but they don’t understand it. Not really. He doesn’t have a life without Johnny in it.

The dirt is still fresh and there’s no headstone yet. There’s always flowers there, but he doesn’t know where they come from. They could be from one of the kids or they could be from one of his coworkers or friends. He’s never asked, but they’re always there, and they’re always fresh. He’s not the only one who has been visiting his husband’s grave.

He sits there for hours. Sometimes he sketches the scenery around him. It really is a pretty cemetery. Most of the time he cries for a love that was taken from him too soon. He never remembers how he gets home, but he always wakes up in his own bed, an empty bottle of whiskey next to him. And then he starts the cycle all over.

I will pray for you

He’s sitting in the ‘chapel’ of the hospital. It’s really just a small room labeled ‘chapel.’ It feels like any of the other waiting rooms. The only difference is that this room has pictures representing the different religions, and the lighting is turned down low. He’s sitting in what he supposes is supposed to be the Christian side. There’s a picture of who he assumes is Jesus and one of those kneelers he’s always seen in Catholic churches. He kneels down gingerly.

“Me and you.” And he feels stupid as hell for praying, but Johnny was in surgery, and the doctor didn’t sound very optimistic about his husband’s outcome. “We’ve never gotten along. Mom believes in you, but you never gave me a reason. I used to think that if you were real you would have saved me from my dad. Now, I don’t know what I think.” He closes his eyes. “Give me a reason to believe in you. Save him. I’ll never want anything else from you. I promise. Just save him. Please.”

I will sell my soul for something pure and true; someone like you.

It’s a no-brainer. Five years of happiness with his husband or watch as his husband slowly withered away from cancer. He doesn’t know if he can handle watching him die. At least this way they can have five good years. It’s probably a chicken shit thing to do, but Gabe thinks it’s practical. This is the best option for both of them to be happy and healthy.

That’s what brings him to the crossroads. And when the demon appears, he doesn’t hesitate to seal the deal with a kiss. He never saw himself as the type of person who would sell his soul, but everything has its time and place. And saving his husband’s life? His soul is the least he can pay.

See your face every place that I walk in.

The first time he sees the blue-eyed guy, Gabe walks into a trash can. He’s the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. He tries to catch up with him, but he walks so quickly that Gabe loses sight of him. It’s such a huge college campus, and he already knows he’s not in any of his classes. He has no hope of seeing him again, except… he sees him over and over again. And every damn time he sees him, he can’t keep up with his fast-walking ass. 

He sees him in the dining hall, but by the time Gabe makes his way over to where he is: he’s already gone. One time he sees him in his residence hall at the end of the hallway, but slips into a room before he can reach him. He swore he saw him in the library once, but he got distracted by Velvet and when he looked up again, he was gone. One time when he was sneaking out of a sorority house, he saw him as he slid off the roof. 

The guy moved so fucking fast that he was never able to catch up with him, and then one day fate intervened. He was looking for a seat in the dining hall, and there he was! Immediately he sat down across from him. “Why the fuck do walk so fast?” He asked in greeting.

Obviously startled, the other guy looked up at him. “What?” And he was just staring at him.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you for like a month.” 

He blinked at him. “Why?” And he didn’t look like he believed Gabe.

“Because you’re hot as fuck.” Gabe enjoyed the way the other man’s face flushed. “And being able to talk to you is the fucking highlight of my day.”

I will burn for you.

He can’t see; tears are blurring his vision but he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s heartbroken as stares into the bonfire. This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be his final relationship. This was the man he was supposed to grow old with, and yet the love of his life was having a kid with someone else.

It’s enough to break him. Johnny had tried to explain what happened, but he couldn’t listen to him. He just needed to get the fuck away from him, which was what led him here to the fire. Everything Johnny had ever given to him, every picture, every letter, every stolen sweatshirt - he’s throwing all of them into the fire. He doesn’t want any memory of this man. If he wants to have a baby with someone else, then he doesn’t need Gabe in his life.

And it’s that thought that has him putting his hand into the fire. If he’s burning everything that’s Johnny’s, he might as well burn himself, too. Not that he makes it far. He barely feels the stingy heat when suddenly a pair of strong and familiar arms pull him away from the fire and into his chest. 

Vaguely he can hear Johnny ask him what he thinks he’s doing, but all Gabe can manage is: “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” He thrashes against his (ex?)boyfriend, trying to get away from him so he can throw himself into the fire like the dramatic bitch he can be.

And still, Johnny holds onto him as he screams and cries until he can’t speak any more. Somehow they both wind up on the ground, Gabe in Johnny’s lap. His face is buried in the crook of his neck, and someone must have called the cops on them because he can hear the sound of sirens. And the thing is he’s absolutely furious with him, and yet he knows that in spite of everything, he’s still stupid in love with him.

Feel pain for you.

“Where is he?” Gabriel ignores the question and instead focuses on being anywhere but his current situation. As terrible as it was to think about, his childhood had prepared him for this moment. 

He didn’t need training to know how to withstand torture. His whole life had been leading up to this moment. He sure as hell doesn’t know who these guys are, but he knows two things. One, his dad could give these guys lessons on true torture. And two, it didn’t matter what they did. There was no way he was giving up Johnny’s location. He’d rather die than give him up.

I will lie for you.

He doesn’t know why he does it. All he knows is that this guy looks really uncomfortable. A blonde woman seems to be trying to chat him up, but he is not into it. And the woman? She was definitely not understanding the word no. So, Gabe walked through the crowded bar, up to the man, and kissed him in greeting. “Hey, baby. Sorry I’m late. Who’s your friend?” 

The man just looked at him not in disgust, but in surprise and a little bit of wonder. The woman suddenly looked embarrassed as all hell. “Oh my God. You’re gay. I am so sorry.” And with that she scurried away, off to find her next victim.

“Sorry about that.” He tried, but the other man was still just looking at him. It was like he was trying to figure him out. It’s that look that has Gabe tagging on. “I shoulda bought you a drink first. Can I buy you a drink?”

A smile slid onto the stranger’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

I can steal for you

Gabe is nervous as fuck as Johnny opens the gift he got him. He knew it was something the other boy wanted. That wasn’t what he was worried about. He was more worried about what reaction he was going to get when his boyfriend saw what it was, and realized just what Gabe had done to get it for him. 

And sure, enough, Johnny likes it. It’s a leather braided bracelet with silver wound throughout. And it was expensive as hell. His boyfriend had looked at it in a store at the mall, but when he saw the price tag he’d put it back. They were fresh out of college. They could barely afford beer let alone an expensive birthday gift.

“Did you sell a painting?” And Gabe’s face must have given away how he had gotten it because suddenly Johnny looked disappointed. “Briel, you didn’t.” And he’s shaking his head. “I can’t keep this. You know that.”

He nodded. “But tonight, let’s just pretend that you can. Okay?”

His boyfriend kissed him softly. “Okay.”

I would die for you.

They’re walking down the street. It’s late at night, and they probably should have taken a cab, but the weather is mild and they felt like walking. 

He hears the car before he sees it, but he’s so detached from his past life that he’s not prepared for what happens next. He hears: “Yo, James! This is for Lefty.” 

And then there’s bullets everywhere. As the car peels away, he’s able to process what happened. He’s on the ground and Johnny is on top of him. He’d jumped in front of him when the gun was pulled 

“Jay?” And he’s shaking his husband but there’s no response. There’s a hell of a lot of blood, but no response. “JAY!”

I'd do time for you.

“I’m going to New York next week.” 

Sitting on this side of the glass partition was a little weird. Gabe had wanted to talk to his husband in the private visitation room, but there wasn’t an accessible path of travel from the visitors' side. It had been a month since Gabe was beaten and assaulted within an inch of his life, but he still couldn’t walk for long distances. He was a free man, but his freedom had cost his husband his. At one point Gabe’s heart had stopped, and Johnny had… reacted. The people involved in Gabe’s attack were now all dead, allegedly due to a hit his lawyer husband had put out. Which meant that for the second time during the length of their marriage one of them was going on trial for murder. 

“My doctor has finally cleared me to fly.”

Johnny didn’t say anything, he was too busy studying Gabe. Every time he came to visit, it was like he was drinking the sight of Gabe in. The first time he visited, he offered to get their marriage annulled since he was going to be in prison indefinitely. He’d shut that down real quick. It wasn’t like being separated by bars was anything new; this was fine - for now. 

Since then, he’d taken to studying Gabe as though he was visually checking that his wounds were finally healing. Mostly he seemed to get stuck on his ear more so than his wheelchair, most likely because the wheelchair was only temporary. He’d never get full function of his right leg back and he’d always have to wear a brace to support his left hand (his motor function was never coming back there), but his ear was what Johnny always fixated on. He’d never get his hearing back in his left ear, and his cauliflower ear was permanent. 

“Baby, are you even listening to me?” Gabe asked with a wry smile. “The guards feel bad for me so they let me stay longer than they’re supposed to, but they’re eventually going to wheel me out.”

His husband at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “Sorry.” And then he blinked as Gabe’s sentence hit him. “I’m sorry, did you say you’re going to New York? Why?”

Gabe grinned at him. “Because your mother is a terrifying human.” He admitted. “She doesn’t like the idea of me living alone while you’re here. She thinks the doctors are better in New York, and she thinks I’ll be safer living with her and your dad. She’s almost giddy. I’m actually really terrified of her, but she said this will also give me a chance to get a home all set up for us so that when you’re out all you have to do is come home.”

Johnny just stared at him. “You’re moving in with my parents.” He sounded like he was in total disbelief, but there was also something else in his voice he couldn’t quite place. It was… relief? “I’m going to have to give you a list of places my mother isn’t allowed to take you to. They’re places I want to show you.”

He couldn’t help but to nod. “You’re not mad that I’m leaving? She thinks I should stay out there until the trial, and I won’t be able to visit you and-” His husband put his hand against the glass. It was enough to distract Gabe, who pressed his own hand against his husband’s.

“It’s like she said. You’ll be safer there. And it’s only temporary.”

Gabe grinned. “Don’t worry. I still know a few guards that owe me favors. I’ll send you naked pictures.” 

A laugh was startled out of his husband. “Briel…”

[tartagilicious]

Maybe a roommate au with fluff and the sentence starter "I wish I could relates but only a dumbass like you could do this" with Eugene?? Hopefully that doesn't sound confusing I'm having trouble wording it right--

hhhHHH

“Eugene..”

You trailed off with obvious distaste as your best friend recalled the events he’d been through. He looked sheepish enough, avoiding your gaze as you just stared, yet you still couldn’t help but laugh.

“I wish I could relate but only a dumbass like you could do this,”

He groaned as he slumped onto the table, his words muffled by his sweatshirt as he said, “You don’t have to tell me that, ___. I just want to know how to fix it.”

Your eyes went down to the coffee sitting in front of you, and you sighed. Eugene had been your roommate since the first year of college, and it was safe to say that you knew him better than anyone by now. That’s why you immediately knew that he needed your help when he offered to take you to your favourite cafe. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t pay for things, but he wasn’t someone who was keen on splurging like you were. 

“It’s up to her.” You said, taking a sip of your coffee as he raised his head to look at you. 

You rose a brow at his surprised reaction. “What? You can’t go over to a girl’s house and throw up on her! No matter how much soju you had, you idiot.”

His head dropped again, and you sighed, twirling your straw with your tongue as you said, “What did you think I was going to tell you? I’m not magic, you know.”

“You might as well be.” He mumbled, resting his chin on his arms to look straight at you with a pout. “You’re too good at this relationship stuff, while I just threw up on someone.”

You forced a smile and took another sip of your drink, putting it down again as you avoided his eyes. 

It was true, you were definitely better when it came to relationships between the two of you. But, that was only because you’d spent so much time thinking about one specific person that you would be disappointed if you weren’t an expert on them after the fact. 

Yet, no matter how many hints you gave to your oblivious and relationship-troubled best friend, he never got it. It hurt so much to go through his mishaps with other girls when the one girl that loved him more than anyone had been sitting in front of him for years, laughing with him and giving him someone to lean with through every stage life threw at you. 

Eugene just didn’t seem to get it; he never had.

“Well, what do I do? ___, I want to try again.”

“So, you like her, hm?” You teased him lightly, your lips curving up into a sly smile. “Has someone got a crush?”

Eugene sat back with a blush dusting his cheeks that was a clear as day yes. You kept your smile expertly as you rested your chin on your plan and leaned forward. 

“If you liked her you should’ve recognised your limit, Eugene.” You said slowly, not being able to help a laugh as his expression melted into an embarrassed smile.

“___! You’re supposed to be helping me, not making fun of me, you hoe.”

Your laughs both just grew louder as you sat there teasing each other back and forth, before you finally calmed down minutes later and gave him the serious advice he was looking for. 

“Seriously though, Eugene. Just text her and apologise. If she’s right for you, things will go from there. Still, don’t count on anything, okay?”

You watched his eyes light up with a smile, as if your warning simply didn’t exist. “Are you sure? Is that it?”

You shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, for now.”

“Man,” He leaned forward on his elbows. “Girls are just so hard to figure out.”

You snorted at the ironic words. 

“Yeah, girls are some confusing creatures, alright.”

His face shifted again as he whined, “Don’t say it like that!”

The rest of your night at the cafe was filled with more light-hearted things on your part, and despite the official reason for meaning, you both went back to your shared apartment feeling good. 

But, then he pulled you into the living room about an hour later to help him construct a text to the girl he’d been so caught up on. 

The mood was ruined easily, like the drop of a pin . 

So, there you sat, your face free of makeup and lightly coated with an acne mask peering over his shoulder as he typed. You were tired and began to rest your chin on his shoulder eventually, sighing at the time it took for the boy to do something so simple. 

“If it takes this long to say sorry to a girl about something like this,” You said, picking up your head and sitting back. “Do you think she’s really right for you?”

He was silent for a few moments before turning his head back to look at you. 

“I did it for you.”

You went silent. 

Eugene was right, he had done something very similar to you when you’d first met at a frat party. 

You’d gotten separated with the friends you’d come with and had quite literally stumbled across him. He’d spilled his drink on you in the clumsiest and cutest way, and you couldn’t help but find yourself curious about him even back then. 

“I hope you didn’t freak out this much about apologising to me.” You joked softly, trying to lighten the atmosphere. “I definitely wasn’t worth it.”

He raised a brow as he gestured to the apartment around you and to you yourself. “You’re my best friend, ___. You were totally worth it, whether you like it or not.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, but the mood was ruined again in no time flat as he said, “Which is why I have to seize this chance to remake history!” 

He grinned as he briefly flashed the phone screen to you before pressing send. But as he switched the phone off and turned back to you, your couldn’t help the confused curve of your brows. 

“You’re not even going to make me proofread it?”

“Nope,” Eugene said this confidently, sitting back next to you and slinging an arm around your shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll work.”

You smiled as you leaned into him. “Whatever you say. Wanna watch Netflix now that your pity party is over?”

He huffed. “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, yes.”

Everything you did with him was always easy; after all, there was no reason for it to be anything else. Even just the way you didn’t mind your legs tangling when you sat on the couch, the way you’d casually share drinks, or how you could tell each other anything — you lived your lives together without hardships, but the things that really jeopardised it put the most weight on you alone. 

You were in love with him, but had never said a thing. You thought that you would’ve learned your lesson by then, knowing that everything you never had the guts to do had always come back to bite you in the end. But you were foolish in thinking that this time would be any different. 

“___!’

Eugene came sliding into the kitchen on his socks one morning, capturing your attention with a dumb grin as you stood in front of the stove. Your eyes flitted to the phone in his hand and back up to him as you returned, 

“..Eugene?”

“Guess what?!”

He seemed awfully happy for the early time, not catching onto the fact that you were barely even awake yet as he continued to wave his phone around. Then, deciding that he wouldn’t even wait for your reply, he walked up to you and thrust the screen in your face. 

‘don’t worry about it, really! honestly, something like that also happened to me a while back, so I understand. could we maybe meet again sometime to talk more about it?’

Your heart sank to your stomach like a stone in a pitiful koi pond as you read the texts. The woman he’d gone out with had forgiven him alright, and it seemed like your cycle of heartbreak was about to restart yet again.

But, as always, a habitual smile raised to your lips as you forced yourself to push out, “That’s great, Eugene! I told you she would come around, didn’t I?”

He grinned giddily, bringing a hint of a genuine smile to your face as he threw his arms around you in a bear-sized hug of thanks. You buried your face in his shoulder as you held him back, listening to him silently as he began murmuring about his plans with the other woman to you. 

It took all of your resolve not to break down into tears right then and there, but you stood firmly for the sake of him. You stood firmly because that was all you could do. 

Days went by after that, and you saw significantly less of your roommate with each. Knowing he was off with the woman when he wasn’t in class, you tried your best not to think about it. One night, Eugene came home only slightly later than usual, though, a change to the previous days where he’d arrive home hours late.

“___?”

His voice sounded tired as he walked inside, the sounds of him kicking off his shoes filling the small entryway. You looked up from where you sat on the couch, previously immersed in playing a game on your phone before you noticed his sullen expression. 

“Eugene?” Your brows knit delicately. “Are you okay?”

Wordlessly, he just came and sat next to you on the couch, leaning to the side into the cushion as he pulled down his cap to cover his face. You wanted to say something to him, but all you could do was stare. You hadn’t the slightest idea of what could possibly be bothering him, and even if he was your best friend, you had no idea where to start. 

“…Eugene?”

You reached out hesitantly, taking the bill of his hat and lifting it up to get a view of what he was trying to hide. Fat tears ran down his cheeks, and though soundless, his eyes held enough pain for you to feel it too. 

Wiping them away with the pad of your thumb, you whispered, “What happened?”

“I should’ve listened to you.’ he mumbled, bringing his sleeve up to cover his nose as he looked away. “I shouldn’t have counted on anything.”

“God, what did she do?”

“..She only wanted to use me to get her ex back. ___-, that’s why she was so forgiving, she, she just needed me for that. I’m so stupid-”

“No,” You cut him off. “You’re not stupid, she’s just a bitch! I don’t know how she couldn’t see anything in you, Eugene. You’d be, like, the perfect boyfriend. He sighed, his cheeks flushing. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

You shook your head, whispering, “I’m not, Eugene.”

A few beats of silence passed before he turned his head away, forcing you to let go of his cap as he took it off and put it to the side. 

“Don’t say that,” he mumbled. “You’re just going to go and get my hopes up so I can go and mess everything up all over again.”

“It’s not a lie, Eugene. Take it from someone who knows you, and also lives with you. You’d be a great boyfriend, and it means nothing that one girl-”

“More than one girl, ___. Over and over again, something like this happens.” He interrupted, his eyes flickering back over to yours as he joked deprecatingly. “You’re the only one I’ve managed to charm enough to stay by my side.”

You took his chin in your hands without thinking and pulled him back to face you before staring him right in the eyes. Making sure he was paying attention, you tried your best to convey what you needed him to know. 

“You haven’t charmed me at all, Eugene. I’m here because, well—”

You paused before you let the crucial details slip, but that answer obviously wasn’t enough for Eugene. His hands shot up to hold yours in place on top of his before you thought about moving away, turning the tables and forcing you to look right at him instead.

“Because why, ___?”

You bit your lip, nerves swelling in your throat as you laughed pitifully. 

“Because, Eugene.” You whispered. “I love you.”

His hands loosened on top of yours, and for a moment, you thought he was going to let go. But, instead, he threw his arms around you in a hug, effectively pushing you down onto the sofa behind you as your hands dropped from his face. 

“Eug-!”

The words left your mouth in a hurry, but before you knew it, his lips were on yours. A effective silencer, you thought. 

Your eyes were wide with surprise, but after feeling the odd sincerity in his actions, you weaved your arms around him and kissed him back. It was an action filled with heat; an entire person’s worth of undone fire that was begging to be unravelled. And in your capable hands, the coil was released with ease. 

Fingers began to tangle in each other’s hair as the kiss only grew to be more demanding, small gasps slipping out from you before you thought to silence them. Eugene didn’t seem to mind them, though, even seeming to welcome them as his tongue slipping past your lips only warranted more.

Breathing hard, you gripped a fistful of his hair as your tongues swirled together in a desperate tell that something still wasn’t right. 

It physically pained you to move away, but knowing it was at least better than the defining silence of your naivety, you stopped him. You wanted an explanation before anything else, because as far as you were concerned, he had just kissed you as an in the moment decision. 

“Eugene,” You whispered, your breaths still laboured. “Why..?”

He leaned his forehead against yours as he rasped, “You’re such an idiot, ___. Are you asking me why?”

You nodded hesitantly, not daring to break your eye contact.

“I love you, and I’ve been waiting so long for you and your slow brain to realise that I—”

You cut him off from the last discernible sentence he would say that night, smiling as you finally kissed him wholly. 

— 

read more of my works~ ♡

[lukatheselkie]

June 18: Soulmates

College AU; Scars appear on your soulmate, and vice versa. TW: Physical bullying/assault. A small bit of cussing, and implied self harm.

    “Control freak!” Berwald gets shoved harshly to the ground. “You don’t deserve to live!” There’s a sharp pain in his side as he’s kicked again and again. “Who forces someone that’s not even their soulmate into a relationship?” He pushes himself up, only to be kneed in the stomach. He falls onto his side, and watches the man place his foot on his chest, rolling him onto his back. “I should just crush you right now. Whoever your actual soulmate is would be better off without you.” He closes his eyes just before spit lands on his face. “Filth.” There’s a solid punch to his face, but he doesn’t react. He waits for the person to walk away before trembling.

    He curls in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest. It hurts. He should be used to the pain by now. But it hasn’t gotten any easier. Being called names for doing something he hadn’t realized he was doing. Being assaulted because of those things. It’s not like he doesn’t regret wronging Tino. His ex still wanted to be friends, but he cut it off because he didn’t want him to have to re-live anything. The Finnish man’s expression at the news had broken his heart into a million pieces, but he knew it would be better in the long run. He couldn’t hurt Tino anymore if they weren’t speaking to each other.

    “Dear? Can you get up?” He pushes himself up against the lockers, assuming the voice is asking him to get out of the way. “No, no. That’s not what I meant. Are you alright? Do you need help getting up?” Berwald lifts his head up weakly, but the face doesn’t come into view. He’s missing his glasses. Where are they? He slides his hand about the ground, searching frantically for them. “Here, love.” Something touches his hand, and he opens his fingers cautiously. He feels the man press his glasses into his palm, and he slowly puts them on, body stinging. He draws himself up against the lockers, shaking violently in fear.

    “Why are du giving me my glasses? Du want to punch them off my face?” The man’s expression turns to one of shock. His eyebrows are incredibly bushy, and they stand out on his face. They work well with his facial structure though. They furrow, and he shakes his head quickly.

    “Of course not. Why would you-” His eyes widen. “You’re bleeding.” He brings his hand up, and Berwald flinches away from him heavily. “I won’t hurt you. I just want to wipe away the blood. What have you been put through?” He brings his hand up again, very slowly. He lets him wipe at the blood, eying him strangely.

    “I deserve everything I get.” He snarls his lip up slightly. “I did something horrible. But they act like I want to do it again. I didn’t know I was hurting him in the first place! If he had just said something…” His body shudders in a silent sob.

    “Hey. That’s in the past. I know who you are now. I’ve heard what they have to say about you. What really matters is that you feel bad, and Tino forgives you. He knows you didn’t mean to, and he’s been telling as many of us that will listen not to be mad at you. He-” Berwald’s eyes catch on a scar, and he can’t help but speak out.

    “What happened? To your lip.” He knows that thin scar! He covers his up though, because it was a stupid mistake. How does a papercut scar anyway?

    “That’s not what's important right now! You’re bleeding because of some asshat. Let me fix you up before you ask about such trivial things. Can you stand?” He nods, and lifts himself up slowly. He hisses in pain when he’s straight, his ribs screaming in agony. Thankfully, they aren’t broken. He’s had that happen before, and this isn’t near as much pain as it was then. “We need to find a sink.” The stranger takes his hand, and leads him into the nearest doorway. He stares at his own reflection over the sink as the man wets a paper towel. He looks like shit. His nose is bloody, and there’s a few fingernail indents on his cheek. “I’m going to touch you now. Please don’t flinch away.” He closes his eyes, and lets the man work on cleaning him up. “My name is Arthur. And you’re Berwald, somewhat infamous around here. Tino is adored by everyone, you know. When you hurt him, your side of the story didn’t matter. Well, to most of us. Tino forgave you, and wanted to be friends. Why didn’t you take him up on that offer? You wouldn’t be treated so poorly if you had.”

    “Shut up,” he growls out. “Du don’t know that. I would be in much more pain, because I would see him re-live that pain every single day. I never meant to hurt him. But now that I have, staying in his life is going to cause more damage than leaving ever could. I might reconnect when he’s healed, but for now this is the best choice. Think before du comment next time.” His voice is filled with venom, and he’s on the verge of shaking from rage.

    “I hadn’t thought of it that way. My deepest apologies. I did not mean to upset you. Hold still.” He moves closer, causing Berwald to hold his breath. He doesn’t like feeling the warmth of another anymore. “You did what was better for the person you love, knowing you would be targeted. You’re strong for that. That’s very hard to do. You did the right thing.” He pulls away, and he starts breathing again. “Open your eyes, love. I don’t see any more blood, but you can feel it, so I need you to point me to any I might have missed.”

    “There’s not any left,” he mumbles as he opens his eyes. “Now will you tell me about the scar?” Arthur frowns deeply.

    “Why do you care so much about it? It’s old. I had nearly forgotten about it. But, if you must know, my soulmate cut himself somehow. We still haven’t quite figured out how though. I think it’s from him placing a needle there while he sews. I told him doing that wasn’t good!” Soulmate he knows? That can’t be right. “You got me off track. I know he didn’t just punch you in the face. Where else are you bleeding?”

    “Nej, I’m fine.” Everything else is internal, he thinks to himself. “But I would like to show you something I think you will find interesting.” He grabs a bit of another towel, and vigorously rubs at his lip. The concealer comes off, and he hears Arthur gasp. “I have an answer to how that scar happened. It’s a paper cut. I tugged a paper out of my binder and it came up too fast for me to stop. It got infected because of the location, and turned into a scar.”

    “We have to find Francis. He knows more about this soulmate thing than most do. He’ll be able to explain this to us. Follow me.” He grabs Berwald’s wrist and leads him through the halls, somehow flawlessly avoiding bumping either of them into anyone. He stops in a nearly empty classroom. “Francis!” An absolutely stunning man turns toward them, smiling easily. Jealousy sparks in the pit of his stomach. He wishes anything he ever did came off so simple to do.

    “Oui, my sweet?” His eyes dart over to Berwald, and look him over lustfully. He yanks his arm away from Arthur and covers the vivid blush spreading across his cheeks. “Have you brought me another broken heart to fix?” He smirks. “That’s right, I know you. I have known you, since before you dated Tino. You have a unique, commonly unseen beauty. Why has my love brought you to me?”

    “He says our lip scar is because of him. I want to check our other scars, but I thought bringing him to you first was the best idea. Have you ever heard of three Soulmates?” His eyes widen, then he blinks in surprise.

    “I have. They honestly aren’t that rare, but it’s impossible to know if you have one or multiple soulmates. I suppose that’s why we aren’t taught about them. Everyone might think they have a third, or fourth, or fifth, or more soulmate. They would always focus on finding the possible others, instead of on loving the soulmate they do find, if they do.” He glances over Berwald again. “Show me your left shoulder.” He tugs his shirt down a bit, knowing exactly what scar he’s talking about.

    “Who carved a star into one of du?” Arthur laughs awkwardly.

    “That would be my brother. We thought it was a good idea at the time. It was a sort of branding we did, to show we would always love each other, no matter what we went through. He has a similar one on his right shoulder that I did.” Berwald bites inside his mouth to stop himself from smiling. That’s cute. He wishes he had done that with his ex best friend, Mathias. They were practically brothers, until the incident. Maybe a mark like that would mean they were still friends, instead of hating each other.

    “So du are the hand scars. From your needles?” Francis huffs, and tosses his hair over his shoulder.

    “I can’t help that I like things to look fabulous! From the store never works. So I sew in my own details. I used to be very clumsy with it though. So oui, the hand scars are me missing.” An uneasy silence falls over them. There’s other scars. Ones that Berwald knows he put on himself, but didn’t cause the other two to wonder. He bows his head, knowing he should speak up, but unable to. Thankfully, Arthur beats him to it.

    “The… others… were from me. I have always been picked on for my appearance. Once Francis and I found each other, it became too much. I was ‘too ugly to be his soulmate.’ ‘Fate must be wrong about us.’ I ‘didn’t deserve him.’ A-and much more. It hurt too much not to…” Francis wraps an arm around him, and wipes away the unshed tears.

    “They were all so wrong. I love you for exactly who you are.” He kisses his forehead. “I love you so very much, Arthur.” The Brit nods, words obviously stuck in his throat.

    “We must have started at the same time.” Two heads snap up to look at him. Both of their expressions are full of worry, and before he can back away, they’re enveloping him in a tight hug. He melts into it, feeling truly safe for the first time in years. “I-I don’t want to-”

    “No, you don’t have to tell us anything, love. We may be your soulmates, but we just met. It takes time to trust someone with that information.” Arthur cuts in, voice soft.

    “Oui, I agree. Take as much time as you need. We’ll be here to listen when you’re ready to tell.” He nods, burying his face in the place their shoulders are touching, unsure if he wants to cry because he’s remembering the pain, or because he’s finally found love and safety.

Ngl, I really like this, so I'll probably turn it into a longer fic eventually. @aphrarepairweek2020

[sunfloweryeri]

Daydreaming

Pairing: Chanyeol x reader

Genre: Friends to lovers, a little angst

Words: 2,640

“Are you even listening?” Chanyeol shook your shoulder from across the table. You snapped out of your daydream. You found yourself doing that constantly, daydreaming. It was becoming a favorite pastime. You laying down on your hard mattress staring up at the ceiling at one in the morning. With this instance you were currently at the library with your friend Chanyeol. It was almost 9pm and there was a few people in the college library. A girl with black hair sitting a couple seats down from you was sleeping soundly. A boy with ginger hair a couple tables away from you was typing furiously away at his laptop. You didn’t know if he was typing a paper for a class or playing a video game.

“Hey,” Chanyeol grabbed your attention again when he shook your wrist. You felt your face grow warm at his touch and instantly pulled your arm away.

“I’m fine,” you choked out.

“You sure? It doesn’t look like it,” Chanyeol chuckled. You glanced at the time on your laptop.

“It’s getting late, we should get going,” you said gathering up your things. You put your various pens and pencils in your book bag and placed your laptop in your laptop bag. Chanyeol was mirroring your actions across from you. He was putting away his things as quietly as possible, he probably didn’t want to wake up the girl that was sleeping. You both quietly walked out of the library. Chanyeol said goodbye to the librarian who had a squishy smile on her face when Chanyeol acknowledged her. Chanyeol had that affect on people. He made people feel like they were on top of the world when he was around. He was funny, kind, charismatic, good looking and overall such a nice person to be around. He didn’t make you feel awkward or out of place, he made you feel like you were apart of his world.

You both were walking to your respective dorms, the cool autumn breeze chilled your exposed arms. You noticed Chanyeol instantly take off the hoodie he was wearing. You started to protest but Chanyeol didn’t hear it. He handed you his hoodie and you took it. Chanyeol graciously took off your book bag so you easily slip on his hoodie. The scent of him engulfed your senses. He smelled like pine and peppermint, two fragrances you loved. When you fully had his hoodie on, he took your hair that was trapped between the fabric and pulled it back. You felt your neck grow hot. You were glad it was semi-dark out so he won’t notice your blush.

“You’re too nice,” you said. Chanyeol laughed, he also took your laptop bag out of your hands and proceeded to carry both your bag and laptop.

“It’s called being a gentleman,” he said, smiling at the distance. And that was the problem. He was too nice. Compared to the many guys you’ve meet, they’ve never lived up to the gentlemeness of Chanyeol. He put all those boys to shame. Of course someone like him had to be an asshole right? But no, Chanyeol didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He was constantly helping others with their papers, projects, he helps out at the local animal shelter, he was a literal Disney prince but with an actual personality. And that was many of the reasons why you loved him.

Yes, love. You loved Chanyeol. You couldn’t help it. It all started a couple years ago. You used to bike to your classes every morning. It was therapeutic for you. You loved the way the wind flew through your hair, the way the morning sun burned your face, the way you felt so free. You loved that feeling. But it all came crashing down when a car beeped and it surprised you so much that you fell off your bike. You could faintly hear a bone crack in your ankle. You didn’t want to believe it, you’ve never broken anything in your life. As a scream rang through your ears, you noticed a figure standing over you.

“You okay?” The person asked. All you could do was nod. “You’re gonna be okay, I called an ambulance.”

“Before you knew it, you were in the hospital for a broken ankle. You were startled by a woman who was in her car. Her face was blotchy and red from all the crying she was doing but you insisted her that you were alright. It was just a broken bone. The boy who discovered you was Chanyeol. He was on his way to the library when he heard the car horn and when you fell off your bike. He ran to you in panic to see if you were okay. The nurse said you’re probably gonna need a cast and might be in here for a few days.

Chanyeol was there for all those days. The nurse thought he was your boyfriend but you wiped your head back and forth in protest.

“Okay honey, whatever you say,” the nurse whispered to you when Chanyeol appeared by your hospital door. He brought you sunflowers on your last day at the hospital. You were already in your ankle cast. You were just waiting for the doctor to sign you out so you could leave.

“How did you know these are my favorite flowers?” You asked.

“When your roommate was gathering stuff from your dorm to give to me, I noticed a couple sunflowers by your bed and they were wilting, I figured you wanted some new ones,” he said.

“Bora probably didn’t water them,” you sighed. “She never waters the flowers.”

“Doesn’t matter now, you have these,” Chanyeol held the new batch of the sunny flowers to you. Your fingers brushed as you took the flowers in your hands.

“Thank you,” you said.

“It’s no problem.”

The crush on Chanyeol evolved a few weeks later when he invited you to his basketball game. When he scored the winning basket, he came running towards you, all tall and sweaty, and lifted you up in a hug. You were both taken back by the sudden affection and he quickly put you down.

“You sure you’re not dating?” Your roommate Bora asked you one evening. Chanyeol invited you to a house party. You were never really a partier, you preferred staying in the dorm reading a book or binge watching The Office for the 24th time. But since Chanyeol asked you to go, you would go.

“We’re not dating, he’s just a friend,” you said. Of course he wasn’t just a friend. You really liked him. The way he always put others before himself, the way he would treat anyone he talked to like they mattered. You admired him.

You walked into the house party with nervousness. You told yourself to not be such a loser. You barely had friends in college but you decided you were gonna suck it up and deal with it. You walked towards the kitchen, you recognized a few faces here and there but most everyone else were new to you. When you reached the kitchen, someone placed a beer in your hand. You hesitantly wrapped your fingers around the cold beverage and took a sip. You instantly regretted it as you swallowed the devil's drink.

“You don’t like it?” Someone asked you. You looked up and you found a boy with sandy blonde hair and a gentle smile on his face. You recognized him from campus.

“Uh, not really no,” you said. He took the beverage out of your hand and placed it on the counter behind him.

“I’m Baekhyun,” introduced the boy. You told him your name.

“Oh, you’re friends with Chanyeol?” He asked. “I know him.”

“Yeah, he helped me out when I broke my ankle a couple months ago.”

“He’s actually out back, let’s go see him.”

Before you could figure out what was going on, Baekhyun took your wrist and dragged you out the kitchen towards the back of the house. You saw a glistening pool and a few people swimming. The cool breeze hit your face as Baekhyun slipped through the back doors.

“Hey Chanyeol, look who I found!” Baekhyun explained. The sight you saw before you nearly broke your heart. Chanyeol was kissing a pretty girl with blonde hair when Baekhyun called out his name. He tore his lips away from the girl and glanced at Baekhyun who was still holding your wrist in his hand. You couldn’t make out what he was thinking from the emotions from his face. A grin spread across his face when he saw you and Baekhyun.

“That’s his girlfriend,” Baekhyun said to you as Chanyeol started making his way towards you, his girlfriend slowly trailing behind. You slipped out of Baekhyun's grip on your wrist.

“Hey, so glad your could make it,” Chanyeol said when he reached you. He squeezed your shoulder. His touch burned your skin. “This is my girlfriend, Miyoung.”

The blonde haired girl popped up behind his shoulder.

“Hello, Chanyeol told me so much about you,” she held out her arms out for a hug and you politely hugged her back. She smelled like cotton candy and strawberries. You couldn’t possibly hate someone who smelled liked that. It was impossible. And it was impossible for you to hate Miyoung. She was just as nice as Chanyeol if not nicer. They were made for each other, it was clear as day. Miyoung invited you to places with her and her friends. You said yes to those activities since you didn’t want to be mean. But then one day, those activities stopped. You weren’t complaining since most of what her and her friends would do wasn’t your thing. You were relieved she wasn’t contacting you anymore. You could go back to watching The Office.

“So how’s Miyoung?” You asked Chanyeol now, you were both still walking to your dorms. The sky was filled with stars, illuminating the streets. The setting was quite romantic but you didn’t want to dwell on that.

“We broke up a couple weeks ago,” Chanyeol said, looking up at the sky. You ignored the fluttering feeling in your chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said.

“It’s fine, it didn’t work out, that’s all.”

You both walked in silence now. You had no idea what to say. It was selfish of you to be happy when he was obviously going through something personal. You’ve only been in one relationship in your whole life and once that ended, it broke your heart and felt like your insides were falling apart. You hated that feeling and hated that that’s what Chanyeol was going through at the moment. So that’s why Miyoung wasn’t contacting you lately. You were Chanyeol's friend and it would be weird to hang out with your ex's friends. You finally reached your dorm. You stood outside your door as Chanyeol handed you your things.

“Thank you for walking me to my dorm,” you said. Chanyeol smiled at you. You loved his smile. The way it squished his cheeks and the way how ears stuck out, made him look several years younger.

“You’re welcome, glad I could accompany you,” he said.

You started taking off his hoodie from your body but he quickly stopped you.

“Keep it for now, there’s a basketball game in a couple weeks I would like you to come to if you don’t mind. You can give it me then.”

“Okay,” you said, “goodnight Chanyeol.”

Flash forward to a couple weeks later, the basketball team scored a winning game. Everyone was screaming and yelling. You stayed in the bleachers as everyone gathered around Chanyeol for a high-fives and congratulatory hugs. Chanyeol texted you to come to the locker room a couple minutes later. Everyone seemed to be out celebrating as you walked in the boys' locker rooms. Chanyeol laughed his deep laugh at you as you coughed from the axe body spray perfuming the air.

“Why are boys so disgusting?” You asked, you sat down next to him and handed him his hoodie. He took it without a word. Chanyeol was still wearing his basketball uniform.

“Hey you okay?” You asked.

“Yeah, just thinking,” he said.

“About what?”

“My future.”

You often confided in Chanyeol with your personal problems. You could go on and on for hours on why you hated your major but decided to do it because your mom suggested it. As you ranted, Chanyeol would rarely open up about his personal life to you. You weren’t bothered by it, he would open up to you when he’s ready and you guessed this is that time.

“What about your future?” You asked, you glanced to the side of his face. Sweat was still running down his face, his muscles were glistening. You couldn’t help but stare at Chanyeol's physic, he was gorgeous, way too gorgeous, it wasn’t fair.

“I don’t know if I want to do basketball for the rest of my life.”

His sudden confession snapped you out of your daze.

“What do you want to do?”

“Music.”

You weren’t entirely surprised. Chanyeol clearly had a love for music with a guitar tattooed on his arm to his guitar collection in his dorm room to his velvety deep voice you heard once when you were ease dropping on him once. You weren’t planning to but his voice captured your heart in no way anyone else had. It was crazy how much you were in love with him. You felt heat move around your body. You’ve always wondered what it would be like if you confessed to him. If you blurted out the words, “I love you,” to him but you were scared. Scared he would reject you, scared he would stop talking to you. Scared it would ruin your friendship. You kinda thought of yourselves as Jim and Pam from The Office. And it some cases your stories were similar. You were Jim and Chanyeol was Pam. Miyoung was Roy. But with Miyoung out of the picture like Roy was a couple of seasons into The Office, maybe this could work. Maybe you and Chanyeol could become something, anything. The thought made your heart race.

Chanyeol called your name.

You looked to him and you suddenly felt the closeness between you two. Chanyeol was closer than he was before. The words lost in his face as he looked to you. His big brown puppy dog eyes peered down at you. You didn’t know if you were getting closer or if he was, it didn’t matter once his lips touched yours.

You couldn’t quite believe what was happening, the kiss was soft and firm as they moved together. One of Chanyeol's large hands gripped your hip while the other one held your neck as he titled your head up for a better angle. You placed your hands on his upper arms. The kiss was intoxicating, he tasted like heaven and clouds. You eventually pulled away with a breath.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” Chanyeol confessed. “Sorry to startle you.”

You ran your hands up and down his arms.

“It was no problem at all, I, uh, really like you as well,” you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. Chanyeol grinned his cheesy grin of his. The one where he showed his teeth, his cheeks full on display, his ears peeking through his shaggy hair. He pulled you in for another kiss. This one was just as great as the last one if not better.

“You know what I just realized?” You asked.

Chanyeol hummed through the kiss.

“You’re like a real life Troy Bolton.”

Chanyeol's loud laugh burst through his lips, causing you to separate.

“You’re really something else huh?”

One day you'll tell him you love him, one day.

[amnachil]

To the perfection Chapter 2 Part 2

Enjoy :)

Cody Monday March 11

He gulped, absolutely not ready for it. Monday morning were usually rough. But this one was special in every way. Not only they were forced to attend school this week because they had hours to catch up in order to make a trip later this year, but he was going to see Thomas. I don't know what got into me. I don't know why I went up against him during the game. Cody wasn't ready to face Thomas, but he had to. Next to him, Joël finished a video about cats and laughed loudly.

"I can't help but watch it again and again." he said. "This kitty is so cute !"

Thankfully, he was stupid enough to not notice Cody wasn't listening. Because their friend was coming closer. Oh man. Thomas was smiling. His usual bright smile, which could enlighten your whole day. The smile Cody fell for.

"Hi Joël." he said. "Let's go inside, it's freezing."

Wait. "Hi Joël" ? Seriously ? So that was his punishment. Of course, the ginger couldn't ignore him more than he already did.

"I saw the video you sent yesterday." continued Thomas. "The cat is incredibly cute !"

"Ah ! I know right ?!" exclaimed their friend.

It was childish. Stupid. He's just pretending to care to hurt me. I know that. So why was it so painful ? He looked at his buddies while they entered in the highschool. They looked exactly like in these memories. Back when Thomas was talking openly with them. Back when he was the sun in Cody's life. And piece by piece, I can literally feel my heart crumbles. Because he knew those times wouldn't come back ever again.

The day went awfully slowly. Thomas was purposely more talktative with everyone. He laughed to every single joke Joël did. He talked politely to the teachers. He even held the door for the girls in each class. Well, he was literally shining. And everyone wanted to be part of it. Their classmates and their professors all fell for it. Someone said the ginger was back to his old self. Cody resisted to his urge to punch the poor soul. Everything is an act. He just wants to make me suffer, right ? How come Joël wasn't suspecting anything ? This dude had zero braincell or what ? Finally, for their last hour, their science teacher made a comment.

"You're extremely nice today." he pointed out. "Are you hiding something ?"

"Does a man need a reason to be nice ?" smiled Thomas. "Besides, I'm always nice."

"Well, let's say you're extra shiny today." confessed Darren. "Are you in love or something ?"

Cody froze for a second. Nah, that's not possible. The class laughed. Yeah, their professor only made a little joke. But the dark-haired lad noticed his friend's twitch. No way. Is it even possible ? It was highly unlikely. But what if ? The idea was already settling in Cody's mind.

"Dude, I understand shit and you're not helping if you are stargazing."

The teennager turned towards Ilhan. Right, they were working here.

"Sorry." he mumbled. "I got distracted. Anyway, where were we ?"

"I don't know anymore. I'm just lost."

Cody frowned. He looked closely at his friend. He looked so tired, so depressed. Whatever was going on, it wasn't good. He completely let himself go... Ilhan was definitely tubby now. His too-tight vest wasn't fit to hide such a paunch. And several times, Cody had spotted the man in a bloated state. Is it what they call stress-eating ? The nurse would turn completely crazy during the next check-up. I should help him. It would be nice to feel useful to someone. And maybe that way, I can't forget Thomas for a bit. Well, it was just a lie. And to say tomorow is my birthday...

Dan Wednesday March 13 – Thursday March 14

The day hadn't been good. His college's professor had told him his grades were too low. I won't graduate like this. I need to improve my grades. So Dan was studying more despite the fact it was his only week of holidays. When he arrived at the gym this evening, he wasn't in the mood. Sandra offered to do only light exercises, and she let him in peace. He managed to do some stuff, but his mind was elsewhere. Well, until he noticed Thomas's friend coming his way. What is his name again ? I think it's Joël.

"Hey dude." greeted the teenager. "How've you been ?"

"Uh, fine. I'm struggling a bit with those weights."

"You're doing great man."

Seing Joël's biceps, this one could lift them up easily and he was just trying to make Dan feel better. Well, thank for the thought.

"Sooo you live with Thomy right ?" asked the lad.

Dan decided to stop his stupid training because he probably looked ridiculous. He stood up and glanced at his interlocutor. He was slightly taller and broad-shouldered. His hair were dark with blond strand, his eyes brown.

"Yeah." finally answered the college student.

"Okay so here's the deal." smiled Joël. "There are rumors saying our Thomy got a girlfriend but of course, he won't tell me. I'm just dying to know ! Damn, I can't be in the dark so please please please tell me ?"

He made puppy eyes which made Dan smile. This guy is cool.

"Sorry but I havn't heard anything on the subject." he assured. "And I doubt Thomas is seeing anyone right now. He's very busy between working out, helping Ilhan every night and stuff."

Joël made a face.

"Helping Ilhan every night ?" he repeated. "Cody said they stopped a moment ago since they're not really talking at school anymore."

"What ?"

Now Dan was lost too. I'm pretty sure he didn't lie when he told me he was going to Ilhan's place. So he lied to his friend ?

"Ah, that's cool." laughed Joël. "If Thomas is still helping him, I'm sure Ilhan will be rocking again soon !"

The college student nodded. I should just trust Thomy. I'm sure there is a good explanation behind this.

The next day, Dan exhausted himself with studying. This evening, he was so tired he decided to indulge more than usual. He ate his content pretty fast and then more. Thomas wasn't home yet, so he finished all the leftover. And then ordered two oversized pizzas. It wasn't very rational nor healthy, but he needed something to relax. He went though the first one lazily. The added weight forced him to lay down on the couch. The bloat was feeling nice. When he finished, he belched, kinda satisfied. Then he decided to try his luck with the second pizza. It was harder but still, he continued. His belly bulged and he needed to took off his pull over to let it expand. He felt his stomach took the free room. Honestly, Dan didn't know exactly how he managed to finish, but he did. Damn. He burped loudly. He tried to move, but that was painful. He had a tummy ache for sure. It was worth it anyway. He was trying to appease his angry belly when Thomas arrived.

"Oh. Looks like you already ate." he said.

Dan nodded, groggy. His friend sat next to him.

"Are you in pain ?"

"Yeah... Ate too much, too fast."

A soft hand entered in touch with his skin. Made a circle. Oooh. Good. Very good. He let out a moan against his will.

"I... I'll make you feel better." whispered Thomas, short-winded. "Just... Let me do it."

His friend rubbed his belly slowly, calmly. At first, it was timid but it became firmer. It feels so nice. Dan closed his eyes. Now he could digest peacefully. Slowly, he fell asleep.

Thomas Sunday March 17

Gregory wolfed down a burger like if it was nothing. His big mouth was very useful for this kind of thing. As for her, Shirley lowered her head, uneasy. The ginger bite his lips. Why on earth I agreed to come ? Dan arrived with his own order and sat next to him. Oh yeah, I recall now. Because he had done something terribly stupid four days ago. I rubbed his belly. I mean, I rubbed DAN's belly when he was conscious. It had been the happiest moment of his life. And the worst too. Because his crush had moaned Raphaël's name during his sleep. Of course, he was his boyfriend. It's pretty normal he thought about him. It had destroyed Thomas's heart. But it had also gave him hope. Because it means I can rub his belly again. I mean, I can rub DAN's belly again. All he had to do was pretend to be his brother.

"I can't do it." Shirley complained. "I'm not ready yet."

"Sis' you are more than ready." contradicted Dan. "You found a flat to rent, you've a job as a cashier and you're pulling yourself together very well."

"Agreed." added Gregory between two mouthful. "You're more than ready to talk to Sam."

Honestly, Thomas didn't care at all about Shirley, her ex and whatever. But since it was important to Dan, it mattered to him aswell.

"You're great." he assured with his brightest smile. "Go ahead and make peace."

She nodded, reassured by their cheerings. She stood up and went for Sam. The ginger felt Dan's shoulder press against his. It was just a friendly touch, but he got flustered anyway.

"I hope she'll be okay." he mumbled.

"Don't worry man, she's on the right way." Thomas stated. "And Gregory is here to watch her... I guess, because it seems like he can't get his eyes away from his burger."

The joke made them laugh. And the teenager felt genuinely happy.

Fast enough, the craving for more haunted him again. To press shoulders wasn't enough to satisfy his teenager's needs. He called Joël.

"Hi man. Sorry but I can't make it to the gym today."

"Whaaat ? But Cody and I are already there !" groused the other. "Man, not fair !"

Well, if this asshole is here, there is another reason why I can't come. Both his friends were Raphaël's pawns but at least Joël was too silly to be a bother. The leech on the other hand... I just hate him so much right now. He dared stand up against me.

"There's somewhere else I need to be." he said.

"Mmhm alrighty.... Wait Cody asks if you're going to Ilhan's place again ?"

For god's sake. He can't leave me alone, can he ? And how the hell did he know about this ?

"He's not my mom." Thomas replied. "I'm hanging up."

No sooner said than done. He didn't want Cody to stick his nose into his business. Anyway, Thomas went straight to Ilhan's home. He knocked at the door, and his friend's mother opened. She led him upstair, saying how much she was glad he was here. According to her, her son was going through a bad phase, and his help was more than welcome. She hoped he would help him get back in shape. Sure thing. Count on me. He barely waited for her to leave. And then, he jumped on Ilhan's bed, next to his friend. This one had already indulged in the pastries Thomas had sent earlier with a note. He was seemingly overstuffed.

"I did burp... what you asked." he muttered.

"Nice. Now I'll fuck you."

"Wait... Thomas. I just need to know, why are we doing this ? What are we even doing ?"

The ginger sighed, annoyed. Ilhan had so many questions, so many doubts ! They were just having fun !

"I don't understand why you're still so worried about everything." he said with a threatening tone. "Just let me fuck you and we're good, okay ?"

"O... Okay."

To be continued

Not much to say. Our feedees are doing their job. Dan rather willingly while Ilhan is well... not so sure about this.

And Thomas... Thomas doesn’t change. He’s not very nice to the people who annoys him. And that’s a lot of people.

[jamaisjoons]

mangnetised | jhs

Summary: You’ve been friends with benefits with Jung Hoseok for the better part of nine months and you’ve been in love with him for a year and three months more. So what happens when you want more than just casual sex? Friends with Benefits AU

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst (and a lot of it oh boi)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: light smut at the start, mention of creampies, sad reader, reader and hoseok being oblivious rip

“Hoseok” You moaned out, throwing your head back and biting your lip as he ground into you.

“Shit baby, you take me so well,” Hoseok groaned into your ears, his eyes fixated between your thighs, where he watched his member disappear into your wet heat.

“Hoseok p-please” You gasped out, arching your back as you came; he sped up his pace, hammering into you as he felt his own end nearing, He bent over, his thrusts erratic as he sucked the supple flesh of your throat. He had marked you. You knew he had. Suddenly, he stilled and you felt his release deep within your walls, coating your insides.

Hoseok let out a sigh, pulling out of you before rolling onto his back. You turned your head to face him, taking in the sight of him. He was breathing deeply, his tanned chest rising up and down. His hair was soaked in sweat, and your heart clutched as you watched him push it back and out of his eyes. You couldn’t help but fall in love all over again. He truly was the most beautiful human being you had ever encountered.

“You’re so good babe” Hoseok complimented, not looking at you and you scoffed slightly, shaking your head. You had the irresistible urge to reach out and pull him into you. To lay your head on his chest and doodle lazy circles on his perfectly sculpted chest. But you held yourself back. You couldn’t do that.

Your eyes followed his movements as he crawled out of your bed, looking around for his clothes. You manoeuvred yourself so you were under your covers, sheets pulled high in order to shield yourself. It wasn’t that you cared if Hoseok saw you naked, god knows he had already seen you naked enough. It was more of a defence mechanism, a way of putting even that slightest bit of space between you and him. You watched him get dressed; neither of you said a word. A deafening silence filled the room, only broken by the rustling of his clothing. This was how it always was. You would fuck and then he would get dressed and leave.

“I’ll see you around ____” Hoseok said softly and you barely acknowledged his words as you watched him leave your bedroom, letting himself out of your apartment. And then you were alone.

You sat up in your bed, your back against the headboard as you drew your knees closer into your chest, wrapping your arms around them and resting your head against your kneecaps. You ran a shaky hand through your locks, blinking away the hot tears that welled in your eyes. You and Hoseok had been friends ever since you had started university, which was almost two years ago now. The day Jungkook, your childhood best friend, had introduced you to him, had been it. You had felt your attraction to him immediately. He was bright, bubbly and unbelievable beautiful. However; he had a girlfriend at the time and so you had immediately curbed your feelings for him. You were still attracted to him, but it was more wishful thinking than anything.

It hadn’t stopped you from getting close.

You two had got along brilliantly, complimented each other perfectly. To the point where people assumed you were his girlfriend, if she wasn’t around.

But you weren’t her. You were friends.

Just friends.

However, that had all changed nine months ago.

Hoseok and his girlfriend had been broken up for three months by then. It turns out that she had been cheating on him for half of their relationship. He had been a wreck. During the day he’d attend classes, during the evening he’d dance at the studio and his nights were filled with alcohol and partying, and a parade of one-night stands, just so he didn’t have to think about her. Anything he could do to drown out the pain or memories of his ex-girlfriend.

You remember being hurt, even outraged when news of his girlfriend’s infidelity spread around campus. The worst part of the breakup was that Hoseok had found out through rumours, when the college gossip queen had spotted Yura, Hoseok’s ex, sleeping with the physics TA. You remembered him storming up to Yura, asking her if the rumours were true and she had tried to deny it, but eventually just come clean. Turns out, she’d decided that the two-year relationship with the sunshine of Seoul National University meant nothing to her. It wasn’t worth fighting for. And then she came clean, that she’d spent about half of her relationship with him with other men because apparently theJung Hoseok wasn’t enough. You swore you could smack the bitch; she’d had everything you wanted in the palms of her hands and yet still gave it up so easily. You couldn’t fathom the reasoning behind it.

You had tried to be a good friend. You made sure to support him whenever you could; your entire friendship group did. But his recklessness continued for three whole months, until your friends had had enough. You couldn’t stand to see him slowly waste away from over exhaustion and excessive partying. Yoongi and Jimin had urged you to speak to him. He had always listened to you they said.

And so, on that one fateful night, nine months ago, you found yourself at his apartment. You had been there a lot. But always surrounded by others. Never alone. Because even after a year and a half, you still hadn’t gotten over your silly crush on him. Sometimes, looking back, you wished you hadn’t listened to Yoongi and Jimin’s pleas that night. You wished you had turned around and walked away from his flat. Because on that day, you had found him drinking alone. You dragged him into his room and tried to put him into bed, but he had different plans.

That was the first time you had slept together.

The first time.

Nine months ago.

Nine whole months.

You knew it was wrong. You knew you shouldn’t have taken advantage of him. But you had been attracted to him for so long. It hadn’t been what you imagined. It was sloppy and rough. It was the complete opposite of the perfect first time you had imagined with him. Then again, first times never went to plan.

You left his flat once he had fallen asleep. The next day, you had expected him to forget everything. You had expected it to be a distant memory. You had expected to just move on. You hadn’t expected to find him at your door the next morning, initiating round two because he hadn’t even made you cum, and didn’t want to leave a bad impression. You hadn’t expected him to suggest a casual, friends with benefits relationship.

You hadn’t expected yourself to accept.

You hadn’t expected your feelings to develop into love.

And yet here you were, nine months later, and sleeping together at least three times a week.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” You whispered into the empty room. You were smarter than this. You knew you were nothing more than a casual fuck and a friend. That was it.

He would never return your feelings.

~~

“Hey guys!” You said cheerily as you joined your friends at your usual spot. Suri stared at you, her eyes narrowing as she raked her eyes over you, taking in your figure.

“What’s wrong?” Suri asked and you sighed. How? How did she always managed to do that? You had no idea. But somehow, Suri could take a look at any of you and knew exactly what you were feeling, despite any attempts at trying to conceal your emotions. It was borderline creepy. You let out a soft groan, trying to ignore her and hoping that the conversation would move on. Sadly, you had no such luck.

“____! You look like a mess, that’s completely unlike you. Are you okay?” Sooyun asked, from her seat on Namjoon’s lap, taking in the dark circles under your eyes and outfit thrown on haphazardly.

“It’s nothing! I’ve just had some trouble sleeping lately, so I’ve been really tired,” You said, waving off their concerns and pointedly ignoring Hoseok. Suri, however, was focused solely on your neck and you gulped. You had made sure to cover up the hickey he had left on your neck. Was the concealer fading already?

“Very well” Suri said, but from the tone of her voice you knew it was anything but well. You let out a sigh, knowing that she’d be interrogating you about this later on.

“____, come sit here” Jungkook beckoned and you hesitated. If you said yes, it meant sitting between Jungkook and Hoseok. But if you said no, it would be suspicious as hell. You sighed and went for the former option. Jungkook moved over, making space for you. As soon as you sat down, Jungkook wrapped his arm around your shoulder, placing a kiss on your temple. You felt Hoseok stiffen slightly beside you, but you deliberately ignored him.

“Ahh I’ve missed my best friend. You’re never around anymore,” Jungkook whined next to you, pouting slightly. You let out a small smile, instantly feeling guilty. It had been a while since you hung out with him, especially with Hoseok taking up so much of your time lately. As soon as Jungkook let go of you, being distracted by Yoongi, Hoseok wrapped his arm loosely around your waist.

This wasn’t something new. Even before you were sleeping together, Hoseok had always been big on skinship. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t pure torture. Sometimes you wondered how he wasn’t affected by the light touches? The times when he was in front of your friends and he would casually hold your hand, or place kisses on your forehead. You wondered how he was able to act as if you guys weren’t sleeping together on the regular. You wondered how he wasn’t affected by any of it, while you struggled to breathe around him sometimes.

“____! Tae, Namjoon, Sooyun and I are going to the new Art Exhibit today, did you want to join us?” Hae asked, and you threw them a bewildered look. Was she being serious? The last thing you needed right now was to be surrounded by happy couples. Plus going to the museum with them four meant that you’d be hard-core fifth wheeling, and that really didn’t appeal to you.

“Nah, it’s fine! Enjoy though” You quickly declined and Hae pouted.

“Oh come on! It’ll be fun” Sooyun joined in, trying to convince you to join them.

“No seriously guys, go without me” You replied, throwing looks at the boys to help you get out of this. Namjoon and Taehyung snickered at you, before pitying you and distracting their girlfriends. Namjoon immediately wrapped his arms around Sooyun and drew her into his conversation with Jimin, taking her hand and brushing it against his lips.

“Come on Jagi, don’t you want to spend time alone with me” Taehyung pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at Hae. Hae was immediately placated; especially when Taehyung started pressing quick kisses against her cheeks. You rolled your eyes at the display of affection.

“Well if you aren’t doing anything else, then would you like to join Sooji and I for coffee?” Suri invited, but from the tone of her voice and the look she was giving you, you knew you had no choice but to accept. She was going to interrogate you at the damn café and you knew it.

“Actually Suri, Jinnie and I are going to this new family run restaurant that just opened up. Apparently, the food is supposed to be really good there” Sooji responded apologetically and this time Suri rolled her eyes before waving off her little sister.

“Does this mean we’re getting a new episode of Eat Soo-Jin?” Sooyun asked excitedly and the couple nodded enthusiastically.

Eat Soo-Jin was the vlog series the two had started when they had been paired up during their Food Technology class in high school. It was also the vlog series that led to them growing closer and eventually becoming a couple. The two lovedto eat and try new food. Besides, almost everyone in both high school and now university loved their little vlogs. Especially since they always tried local, affordable joints that broke students could go to when they wanted to enjoy themselves. The local restaurant owners also loved it as it meant more customers, and they would always invite the couple to enjoy their food at a discounted rate.

“Well, thanks for making plans without us guys” Jimin whined.

“We already have plans idiot. Did you forget we’re teaching at the dance studio today?” Hoseok asked his roommate and Jimin stiffened, sending Hoseok an apologetic look, the older boy shaking his head.

“Honestly Jiminie, how did you forget? We’re getting good money for this. We’ll finally be able to buy some proper groceries rather than living off of ramen for the next two weeks” Hoseok said and Jimin immediately perked up.

“So only Guk and Yoongs don’t have plans then?” You asked and the two shook their head.

“Jungkook and I are working on our class projects, after Jungkook finishes his track practice” Yoongi said, looking at the boy pointedly.

“Ugh, you had to remind me. Why did I ever think about double majoring in both Art andSports? I should have just stuck with dance like Jimin-hyung and Hoseok-hyung” Jungkook complained. You had been surprised when Jungkook told you he was double majoring in something that wasn’t dance. He’d always loved dancing and creating little choreographies.

“Perfect! Come on ____, I’m in desperate need of a coffee” Suri said, grabbing you by your hand and dragging you away to your doom.

~~

“So… that hickey on your neck” Suri brought up casually, making you choke on your tea. You spluttered before grabbing a napkin and wiping your face.

“What? Has the concealer already rubbed off?” You asked in a panic and Suri shook her head no.

“No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have noticed if I was anyone else, but as someone who has also had to cover up countless of bruises, I can spot them a mile away. So, who was it? I didn’t know you were dating anyone, especially with your feelings for Hoseok” Suri said and you mentally cringed. Having her say it out loud so casually made it sound too real. The girls, and even some of the guys, mainly Jungkook, Taehyung and Seokjin, knew about your feelings for Hoseok. Jungkook knowing was a given, because he was your best friend, the one you had known for the longest. The only reason Seokjin knew was because Sooji simply couldn’t keep a secret from her boyfriend and Hae was a terrible liar, especially when she had to lie to Taehyung. Luckily, Sooyun didn’t have the same problem with Namjoon.

“Uhhhh…” You responded, unable to come up with an excuse. Instead, you just sighed and decided to come clean.

“I’ve been sleeping with Hoseok” You said, steeling yourself against her reaction.

“What?” Suri spluttered and this time, it was her turn to spill her coffee.

“When did this happen? How long have you been dating for?” Suri interrogated and you quickly shook your head.

“We’re not. We’ve just been casually sleeping together for the last nine months. As friends. With benefits” You whispered, the words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. Suri’s eyes widened and she immediately moved closer.

“Are you insane? You’ve basically been in love with the boy for two years, how are you coping with this?” Suri whisper yelled and you flinched slightly, looking away.

“Not very well. I don’t… I don’t know what to do anymore” You whispered back, your voice shaking and once more you had to blink away your tears. Suri immediately sensed how upset you were and pulled you into a hug.

“How did this happen? Tell me everything,” She said softly, her voice comforting and you did. You told her everything. The first time you had slept with him, the next day when he barged into your apartment and showed you what he could really do. How he left you a mess every time he walked away from you. How much it hurt when he held your hand or pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you. How much it sucked when he acted as if there was nothing more between you in front of your friends. How much he affected you, but wasn’t affected by you at all. How much it hurt when he’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear when he’d fuck you slowly and how much your heart hurt when he’d make you say you were his when he’d fuck you roughly. You told her how much you wish it were true.

How much you wished he were yours as much as you were his.

By the end of your story, you were a quivering mess. Your hands were shaking and you had to breathe deeply, looking anywhere but at Suri’s concerned, imploring eyes, because you knew as soon as you looked at her, you would break. And the last thing you wanted to do was cry over Jung Hoseok again. Especially in public.

“Shit ____, I didn’t know it was this bad” Suri said finally and you let out a bitter scoff, running your hands through your hair. You went to reply, but stiffened, your eyes focused on the door. Suri looked at you questioningly before turning her head, her eyes widening as Hoseok walked in, followed by a girl. But not just any girl. No, he was followed by Ri-El. Aka the most popular girl on campus. Who also happened to be a dance major. And worked with him at the studio.

Life really was against you.

“What the fuck? Isn’t he supposed to be at the studio with Jimin?” Suri hissed, and you shrugged. You watched as Ri-El giggled at something he said. This wasn’t new. You knew it wasn’t. Hoseok was one of the most attractive boys on campus. It had been a whole year since he and his ex girlfriend broke up. Maybe he was ready to move on? Maybe now that you’d managed to mend his broken heart, he’d finally move on.

With someone that wasn’t you.

“Shit, it’s already 6. When did it get that late?” Suri said and you shrugged autonomously. So that’s why he was here. Jimin and him finished work at half 5. You watched as the two walked up to the counter, ordering their food before Hoseok paid. The entire time, he was joking around, making her laugh. You wished you were her so desperately.

You averted your eyes when they turned to find a table. Your eyes watered as they focus on the cold tea in front of you, yours hands clenched into fists, fingernails digging into your palm as you tried to distract yourself with the pain. You knew you were about to cry. Any minute the dam would break and you’d be sobbing your heart out. Suri watched you, her posture stiff and a scowl on her face as she sent seething looks at Hoseok.

“Come on, we’re leaving” Suri hissed, gathering all your stuff. You nodded automatically, body moving on autopilot as you cleared up, keeping your head down.

“Oh my god! ____! Suri” Ri-El screamed as she spotted you, waving ecstatically and you let out a quiet whimper. You didn’t want to speak to her right now. A part of you was angry with yourself. Ri-El didn’t deserve you being cold to her. She was a lovely person, one of the cheeriest girls. It was no wonder Hoseok would be attracted to her. She was beautiful, and bubbly. She was a female Hoseok. They would make a cute couple.

You finally got the courage to look up at the girl, letting out a weak smile as you waved back. Suri however, wasn’t as forthcoming. She simply glared at the two, but her gaze was fixed solely on Hoseok, almost snarling at him.

“Fuck, they’re coming here” Suri scowled and your heart plummeted as you watched Ri-El grab Hoseok’s hand and drag him over to you. Your gaze was fixated solely on their linked hands. You shook your head, lifting your head up and plastering on a fake smile as the two approached you.

“Hey guys! I haven’t seen you in a while” Ri-El greeted cheerily and you nodded.

“We’ve just been busy” You responded kindly, Suri rolling her eyes.

“Tell me about it! I’ve been trying to get Hoseok to go on a date with me for so long, but he’s always got plans with you guys! I finally managed to rope him into one today when Jimin told me that everyone else was busy” Ri-El gushed and you stiffened. So, they wereon a date.

“Ah. Yes, you two make a good couple” You said, your voice oozing with fake sincerity. Hoseok looked at you, his brows furrowing at both your words and tone. He knew you well enough to spot the tone, but you made it a point to ignore him. You sent Suri a look, urging her to get you out of the situation.

“Well, it was nice to chat to you but ____ and I were just leaving” Suri said coldly before dragging you out of the café. Hoseok tried to stop you but instead, you ignored him, allowing Suri to lead you out of the store and back towards your dorms. Once you were safely inside the home you shared with the girls, you immediately broke down, silently sobbing as Suri pulled you into a hug.

“Hey hey, shhh. It’s okay. You’ll be okay” Suri cooed softly, petting your hair as you silently cried into her shoulder.

“I-I-I-I’m such an idiot” You stuttered out, your body racked with sobs as you gasped for air.

“I should seriously find him and kick his ass” Suri muttered and you shook your head, sobbing harder.

“No! Don’t do anything! Please! No one is supposed to know” You pleaded, drawing away from her, as you looking into her eyes.

“Ugh… fine. I won’t say anything, but I can’t promise I’ll be nice to him” Suri finally agreed and you nodded, knowing that was the best you’d get from her.

“I’m such an idiot… I should have known that once he was over Yura, he’d move on to someone else… why? Why isn’t it me?” You whimpered, Suri pulling you into a hug once again.

“Because he’s an idiot who can’t see what’s good for him. Now come on, let’s get you some ice cream” Suri said, dragging you into the kitchen. You followed her, watching as she grabbed the ice cream from the freezer before placing you on the couch, wrapping a blanket around you.

And that’s how you spent the entire night, wrapped up in blankets, eating ice cream and crying over your stupid unrequited love for Jung Hoseok.

▷ Chapter 2 | Masterlist

[iliketowrite1996]

Suits and Secret Moments part 11 of 13

The series is beginning to wind down a bit! I have at least 2 (maybe 3) parts after this. So, within the enxt two or three weeks this will be done!

Once again, thanks to everyone who has read it and those who have been messaging with me back and forth as I decided what direction to take this story in!I know how it will end and you’ve all helped me bridge the chapters together. 

Trigger warning and themes- lies, betrayal, heartbreak, manipulation, violence

There are moments in life where you have to make decisions that could make your life take a completely different route. For example- that day that T’Chaka Udaku himself dame to talk t to your high school class, you abandoned all thoughts of whatever you were originally going to college for in favor of a major that would get you hired at his company.

You hasn’t necessarily planned on having kids. At least not yet. But you found yourself pregnant and you’re patiently awaiting the arrival of your child, a mixture of apprehension and excitement swirling inside of your stomach every time you feel the child move.

You never planned on hurting Erik. In fact you took every precaution to reassure that you didn’t. You and T’Challa cut contact unless you were both hanging out with Erik. You reassured him that even though you did not fall as quickly as he did, you still feel something special with him. You love him and you took every measure to make him feel though.

Your downfall, though… your downfall was not meeting up with Onika, but not telling Erik that you did so.

He makes that evident as you have your first real fight, voices hushed and heated, like a flame: harmless when contained but deadly if not monitored closely.

“ I can’t believe not that you not only met up with my ex, but you didn’t even have the decency to tell me?,” he hisses.

It’s been three weeks since that day. Erik ended up picking Darion up from school, and Onika happened to be on parking lot duty today.

The truth came out and here you are five hours later, Erik confronting you about it. He’s mad but it’s not the mad where he was when he found out that Darion got hit at school and the playground attendant did nothing about it. It’s quiet. Angry. Contained.

He’s holding back his anger, and it’s worse because you’d rather him get it out so you can move on.

“I promised her!”

“You’re committed to me, “ he snaps ,”Not Onika. I should’ve known that Darion’s mother is working at his school and you know that.”

You do know that. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t for the best to keep that from Erik. You were trying to do the right thing though and you truly thought that you were.

“Erik! I’m sorry,” you take his hand in yours “please! You have to believe that I never would do something to hurt you.”

“That’s the same empty lie T’Challa told you. Isn’t it? Now you’re using it on me,” he deadpans.

And you don’t know if it’s because he’s mad and hurt or if he really sees it that way. Perhaps he really does feel the tables have turned, that he is you and you are T’Challa and he’s going to get hurt.

But you grab your keys, telling him to call you when he wants to actually talk before leaving for your own apartment for the night.

It isn’t until you’re sitting in your hand packed apartment, boxes everywhere as you maneuver through the cardboard box jungle and flop into your bed that the tears stream down your face.

You could call Deena, but she’d confront Erik. Peter would let you vent and if he was a bit older and not consumed with his own drama you’d totally take him up on that. But he’s stressed enough and this doesn’t concern him.

So you call the only other person you can.

“Hello?”

“T’Challa,” your voice cracks.

“Hey, what is wrong? Why are you crying?”

Maybe this is a mistake but you need someone to listen. And maybe you’ll regret this tomorrow but right now, you know he’ll be here for oh. and that’s good enough.

“I need to talk to you.”

There’s a beat, a momentary silence, a pregnant pause before you hear these four words: “I’m on my way”.

So you lean back in your bed, trying not to stress out for the baby’s sake.

T’Challa is on his way, and you just need a friend. You’ve done that for him and he for you.

Because right now, in a surprising turn of events… he’s the only one you can depend on.

What you don’t know is that there’s someone else behind all of this, an individual who has an influential role in all of this and assumes that they will never be figured out.

And when they do… you’ll have all of the pieces to the puzzle.

Because what’s done in the dark can’t be hidden long. It will come to the light.

And when the light shines on it…Everything will be much clearer.

When you open your apartment door, T’Challa finds you clad in one of your old college t-shirts, the fabric stretching out across your pregnant stomach. You're clad in a pair of maternity leggings. Your eyes are red and puffy. You look wore for the wear.

   He feels awful when he thinks to himself how beautiful you still look.    

   ‘’What happened,’’ T’Challa questions you, sleeping inside of the apartment, locking and closing the door behind him when he does so.

   You pad over to the couch that has yet to be covered in plastic, something you were planning on doing tomorrow.

   ‘’So… I ran into Onika a few weeks ago.’’

  ��Ah. Onika. She’s quite  infamous in the Udaku family for that stunt she pulled half a decade ago- leaving N’Jadaka all alone to raise Drion by himself, no call or text or even an email since. T'Challa never really liked her, never really liked the way she always seemed flighty. It was clear that N’Jadaka wanted a clean start after her, because she really did him wrong. That was the first time he’d ever been in love. And T’Challa has never seen his cousin so happy as he was when he was with Onika.

   He'd’ never seen him so broken. Not since his mother passed away. When Onika left him behind, N’Jadaka kept asking himself the same questions: What did he do wrong?, Why would she do that?, and would she ever come back?

   That’s the same thing that he asked himself when he lost you, but he already knows that he did wrong and why you stopped speaking to him and left Wakanda Inc.: because he messed up the good thing that he had for something that seemed like an eas replacement, and he has to deal with it now.

   This is his redemption, though. You trusted him enough to call him over to talk. That’s progress. No?

   ‘’How did that happen?’’

   ‘’She works at Darion’s school,’’ you settle into the couch cushions, waving your hand, ‘’That’s not why I asked you to come here, though.’’

   ‘’Let me guess: you told N’Jadaka and he was less than thrilled.’’

   Of course he was. N’Jadaka has made it his mission in life to forget Onika, removing all traces of her. Whatever she left behind, he destroyed or got rid of. Gone were pictures of the love of his life, the mother of his child. He cleaned his apartment and sheets until her scent was no longer presence, deleted all social media to avoid having to see her, purposely acted as if he had no idea who the neighbors were talking about if they asked about her.

   So now, for her to walk into his life like it’s a nice sunny day in a park, five and a half years later… he’s not feeling it. He’s really, really not. T’Challa knows why. Because he felt that way when Nakia did the same thing to him, applying to Wakanda Inc. shortly before T’Chaka left the company to his son.

   So, it’s with narrowed eyes and suspicion creeping into every syllable the way doubt is creeping into your own mind that he asks, ‘’Did you do this to hurt him?’’

   ‘’What?!’’

   ‘’I know you. He’s committed to you. You’re just as scared of commitment as I was. So now, when you see someone who really wants to love you and raise a family and be with you and treat you like his equal… it terrifies you.’’

   The silence is loud as his words hang in the air, like a chandelier ready to fall on its victim- beautiful and nice to look at, but heavy and dangerous if ill-timed.

   It’s beautiful that T’Challa knows you so well, still.

   It’s heavy that he knows exactly what you’re feeling, before you even know it yourself.

   ‘’I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him,’’ you snap, ‘’I’m not her.’’

   T'Challa visibly relaxes then,settling back against he golden pillow that adorns your cream-colored couch, ‘’Good. Because he’s head over heels for you.’’

   ‘’I love him too,’’ you reply, ‘’And I think I’m in love with him.’’

   T’Challa ignores the way his heart skips a beat, pushing forward with his questions and statements.

   ‘’So what made you hold onto that secret?’’

   ‘’Onika asked me to. She told me she wanted to see Darion without Erik being involved or something,’’you rub your eyes, tiredness beginning to make you feel a bit fuzzy, the truth coming out.

   ‘’So…,’’ T’Challa slips his feet onto your coffee table, ‘’You know that's probably why he was mad right? Because he's trying to protect Darion. He doesn't want him to find out about Onika and her ditch him again,’’

   You hadn’t really thought about that. At least not fully.

   ‘’And then you also didn’t tell him because you’re worried if he knew that Onika was in a place where he could easily talk to her that he will go for her again, to rebuild their ‘love story’. Tell me that I’m wrong,’’ T’Challa raises an eyebrow at you.

   There it is- he found the truth that was hidden down inside of you, underneath the fears that and walls that Erik had tried so hard to crush and dismantle in pursuit of your heart.

   ‘’He still loves her, though! He wouldn’t care so much about this if he didn’t have some strong feelings! I heard us argue, but I Heard passion more than anything. He still cares! He always will. He falls so fast, T’Challa. She was his first love and the mother of his child. I don’t know how to compete with hat.’’

   T’Challa sighs then, silently kicking himself for being part of the reason that yo y believed that N’Jadaka would dare betray you.

   ‘’You're not her, no. But N’Jadaka… he doesn’t love based off of proximity. He can’t. In fact, he wouldn’t be with a woman if he didn’t think that they’d be good to Darion and treat him ell. He sees that you do. He practically gushed about it at the last family dinner night. It was sickening.’’

T’Challa’s light tone causes a giggle to bubble up inside of you, and it spills out into the air before you can contain it.    

Bast.

He’s missed that sound so much.    ‘’He loves you,’’ T’Challa continues, because he has no time to fall in love with you all over again and drive a bigger wedge between him and N’akada than there was when he confessed that he couldn’t stand Onika, ‘’Look, you may question me. I do not lie about this, though. I promise, N’Jadaka loves you so much. I know for a fact. You did not see the way that he was looking at you at dinner last month. I know my cousin. He’s found a good thing, and he wouldn’t dare let you go. Not unless you pushed him away or walked away.’’J

   That makes you giddy and upset all at the same time because now you have absolutely no choice but to confront your fear: commitment.

   He wants it and you want it. Gone is any excuse you have to run from it. You know Erik is what is best for you, so why can’t you just let it be for ronce?’’

   ‘’Sometimes, ‘’T’Challa tells you, taking your hand in his, ‘’You gotta look at all the facts and still dive right in. Don’t… don’t make my mistake. Don’t let someone who you love and who treats you right go and hope that you find someone else that you can grow with. Please. Take a chance.’’

   ‘’Take a chance’’.

   Those are the same words that he would have whispered to you two months ago if you’d taken him back, if you’d even given him the time of day.

   Four months ago, he definitely would’ve tried to sleep with you, tried to lure you away from Erik. He would’ve promised you a night of passion in exchange for you dumping Erik, and he’s ashamed to even think of it now. He would've made empty promises, knowing how fickle he used to be, how waiving his mind still is sometimes.

   Now, though, he settles for passing you tissues and comforting you, pulling the blanket over you when you fall asleep, after firm instruction to tell him to just spend the night, the roads being too slippery for him to try to travel tonight.

   Good intentions often lead to bad confrontations, though. T’Challa knows this.

   Like when Erik tried to introduce you two, right? It opened up some pettiness and irritation.

   Him being there for you opened up the door to a possibly beautiful friendship between the two of you…

   But it also opens the door to allegations and to whispers and to theories and to jumping to conclusions.

   So when Erik opens the door the next day to find you and his cousin asleep on the same couch… he sees red.

   Because had it been any body but T’Challa with anybody but you, it’d been fine. If it had been T’Challa with anyone else but you, or vice versa, he would’ve been fine.

   But this is T’Challa and it’s you and he knows your history and the feelings and emotions that don’t just go away.

       He knows.

       He’s been trying to push those same thoughts and feelings about a certain brown-haired, cinnamon-skinned beauty for five and a half years now.

       There’s no surprise when he starts screaming at you too, then, is there? No shock coursing through you when his fist connects with T’Challa’s, when you he to yell for him to stop.     When he calms down because he can't see it’s stressing you out and, well, you’re carrying his baby (maybe?) he sits at the kitchen table, eyes peering at T’Challa through his gold-rimmed glasses as the other man nurses a pack of frozen peas that you'd yet to clean out of your freezer.

   ‘’Someone start talking. Now,’’ Erik seethes, running hand through his short dreads,’’ ‘Cause this don’t look good for either one of you right now. Sneaking around and spending the night and I got to find it after taking my kid to his grandpa’s place.’’

   ‘’N’Jadaka, nothing happened!,’’ you slowly make your way to his, gagging  his reaction to your approaching figure carefully, ‘’I promise.’’

   ‘’That sure ain’t what it look like!’’

   ‘’Looks can be deceiving, cousin.’’

   ‘’Man, T, don't even go there. I’ve been dealing with you acting all superior and perfect and like you can do no wrong, always competing with me and provoking jealousy your whole life, everyone thinks you’re the good guy and all you ever did was hurt girls after Nakia left you, breaking one heart after the other.’’

   ‘’You were the same way, N’Jadaka. Or need I remind you about the woman you met before Onika?,’’ T’Challa spits, fighting fire with fire, ‘’Don't start this fight, N’Jadka. I will not have it.’’

   ‘’I will not have it,’’ you place the emphasis on ‘I’, ‘’This is my apartment. Now, Erik. nothing happened. He came over because I called him, yes. But we spent so much of the night figuring out how to save my relationship with you.’’

   ‘’Yeah>?,’’ he deadpans, obviously not impressed, ‘’Why's that?’’

   ‘’Because…,’’ you take a deep breath, ‘’I’m in love with you.’’

   He blinks once, twice, again, fourth time. For the first time in the nearly two years that you've known him (probably a shorter amount of time, but it feels like it’s been awhile) , Erik is speechless.

   ‘’Yeah?’’

   ‘’Yeah,’’ you nod, feeling a weight lifting off of your shoulders then.

You’re truly in love with him. It took this and almost losing him to see it, but it’s the truth

If you’re gonna face your fears, you might as well do it for the right one.

   T’Challa can’t understand what the difference between ‘I love you’’ and ‘’I’m in love with you’’ is,but he knows that something special is happening to you two. There’s an energy of sorts shifting in between the two of you, something that he can’t quite put his finger on, one that he wishes he could take and pocket for himself.

   He’s lost you. He'll never get you back. Not now. Not unless there’s some change of events.

   But you’re happy and N'Jadaka is happy. So, yeah. Maybe he doesn’t want that change of events.

   So  N’Jadaka apologizes and T’Challa forgives him and slips out of the apartment as you and Erik embrace, a cheesy and romantic way to start your morning and to end a fight that could have been a lot worse had T’Challa not intervened.

   Wow. He really did dive a woman he still loves back into the arms of his cousin. On purpose. Something that T’Challa is well aware he never would’ve done this time last year.

   That shows growth.

   More importantly, though, T’Challa did it because he loves you.

   Sometimes love doesn't look like ending up with someone. It looks like dog what is best for them and for their heart.

   Maybe one day he won’t have to keep telling himself that.

   The door close behind him, and he realizes, that, yes, he did the right thing.

   Maybe one day he’ll wholeheartedly agree with that and not regret his decision.

   Yeah.

   Maybe someday.

DISCLAIMER- I OWN NO MARVEL CHARACTERS, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS

@ashanti-notthesinger​ @destinio1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog​ @airis-paris14​ @syreanne​ @chaneajoyyy​ @90sinspiredgirl​ @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired

[consultingundergroundrainbow]

Life Changes (Ch 10)

Peter was sitting on his bed reading when there was a knock on the door frame, causing him to startle and look up. Stephen Strange stood there, looking nervous. The look seemed strangely out of place on the man’s face.

“I don’t mean to disturb you but I was wondering if we could get to know one another, as you are dating my best friend.” He sounded unsure and Peter found it endearing.

Peter closed his book and smiles. “Yeah, come on in.” He folds his good leg under his injured one and watches Stephen cross the room. “What’s on your mind?” He asks.

“Well,” Stephen takes a seat and folded his arms. “People are idiots.” He says bluntly, making Peter laugh.

“Care to expand on that?”

“There was this guy in the ER today who did body shots off of a complete stranger and got piece of glass stuck up his nose and didn’t realize until three days later and it had moved up to his eye socket.”

Peter winces. “Oh my god. Gross.”

“Gross indeed.” Stephen laughs and shakes his head. “How do you  not realize you have glass up your nose?”

“Well some people are dumb.”  Peter remarks, shifting and wincing a little. “Sonofabitch.” He hisses.

“Try bending your knee a few times every hour. You’re not moving it enough and it’s getting stiff. If you let it get to stiff, the work you’re doing with Natasha is only going to hurt more.” The older man suggests, standing up. “May I?”

Peter stared at him blankly for a moment, before he realized what was happening. “Uh, yeah. Okay? Sure.”

Stephen slowly wraps his hands around Peter’s leg, on either side of his knee.

“This is going to hurt.” He warns before slowly bending the leg. Peter gasped loudly and reaches to stop him but Stephen shoos his hand away. “Let me help you.”

Peter lays back and closes his eyes, tightening his jaw.

“Talk to me Peter. It may distract you.”

“About what?” Peter’s voice raises an octave when the rods touched a little.

“Sorry sorry.” Stephen releases his leg and lays it flat. “Tony?”

“What about Tony?”

“Anything. I have many stories and can answer questions if you want?”

“Okay but I do have a question for you.”

“Fire away.”

“How come you or Steve haven’t threatened me yet? You are his best friends right? I don’t get a whole ‘you hurt him and I’ll kill you and make it look natural’?”

Stephen laughs at that. “I take it Pepper hasn’t come to visit you yet.” Then his face sobers. “But do keep in mind that I am a brain surgeon, Nat is helping you learn to walk again and Pepper and Steve are trauma surgeons. You do not want to piss off a bunch of doctors.”

Peter gaped at him for a moment then breaks into a grin. “That’s what I was waiting for.”

“Also remember that both Steve and Bucky are ex military so they don’t take kindly to someone hurting one of their own.” Stephen takes his seat again. “But I’m honestly not worried because you make Tony really happy and you’re good for him.”

Peter is quiet for a few minutes after that. “I’m glad because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. He’s amazing.”

“Yes, he really is.”

“So you said you have stories? Care to tell me some?”

“One time, during our internship, Tony swallowed a needle to prove he was a badass.”

“Why in hell?” Though, thinking about it, that does sound like something that Tony would do.

“He likes to show off a bit. He doesn’t need to though. Anyone who has met him can tell that he’s the best at what he does.”

“He really is amazing, I’m surprised that he is dating me when he can do better.”

“It’s because he’s drawn to you. He loves you so much. I’ve known him for years now. When you’re around, his smile is brighter and his eyes sparkle. You have a magical effect on him.”

Peter listens quietly and something dawns on him. He’d talk to Tony about it later.

“I haven’t felt this way about anyone in…..ever. I mean, yeah I’ve had crushes and relationships before but this….it feels real. It feels perminate.”

”Maybe it’s fate.”

“Maybe so. I hope so.”

-----.-----

Tony finished his rounds and makes his way to the cafeteria to get a coffee. He had been on his feet for over twenty four hours and honestly he just wanted a break. He gets a straight black coffee, which is nasty but does keep him awake. He sips at the bitter liquid and slowly strolled the now empty halls. He comes to a stop outside Peter’s room and smiles. The younger man was sitting up, slowly bending his leg at the knee.

He waits until Peter stops messing with his leg and then knocks on the doorframe. Peter looks at him and grins.

“Tony. I missed you.”

Tony moves forward, dropping the empty cup in the trash before approaching the bed and pressing a kiss to Peter’s forehead. Peter tilts his head up.

“Give me a real kiss.” He demands. Tony found it so adorable that he couldn’t say no and leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to Peter’s lips. Peter makes a soft noise, pulling Tony closer, so the doctor was braced with one knee up on the bed and his hands on Peter’s face. The kiss deepens, a mix of harsh breath, teeth and tongue.

The sudden loud beeping of Peter’s heart monitor scared the hell out of Tony and he jerked back. Peter looks sheepish and the two locked eyes before bursting out with laughter.

“So” Tony says, once he got himself under control. “Is that going to be a norm for us?”

“Hopefully not while I’m hooked up to machines. That’s very unsexy.”

“I think you always look sexy.”

Peter blushes and grins doopily.

“I think you look sexy always too. Even now with messy hair and a five o’clock shadow.” He says fondly, reaching up to rubs his thumb across Tony’s cheekbone. Tony nuzzles the hand and kisses the thumb.

“Anything interesting happen today?”

“I talked to Stephen today. A guy got glass up his nose from body shots.” Peter shudders.

“That’s nasty.”

“Well I think it was a college student. If not, then that’s just sad.”

Tony laughs. “You were a collage student once.”

“I wasn’t dumb enough to do body shots off a stranger.”

“Did you do anything dumb in college?”

Peter blushes and looks away, mumbling a little.

“I didn’t catch that. Care to repeat it louder?”

“Iwasastripperforayearandahalftopayforschool.”

Tony blinks as he deciphers what was just word vomited at him.

“Wait really?”

Peter nods, looking as if he wanted to disappear.

“I think that’s hot as hell. I wish I could have seen it.”

“”Well I was quite popular.”

“Did you have a stripper name?” Tony raises an eyebrow and leans forward on his hands.

“I was….SpiderMan. Because of the way I could climb the entire pole easily and hang upside down. And I could dance with ropes.”

Tony is quiet as he ponders this. “I wonder if anyone has videos….”

“Please don’t go looking. It was cringy!”

“All the more reason to look for it.” Tony teases.

“Tony!” Peter whines.

“Alright, alright fine. I won’t go looking.”  He was interrupted mid sentence with a yawn.

“Come lay with me.” Peter says suddenly.

“You sure?”

“You look dead on your feet and I wanna snuggle.”

Tony looked as if he wanted to argue but thought better and climbs up onto the bed. Once he was settled, Peter was snuggled into his side and closes his eyes with a content smile. As happy as he looked, something nagged in the back of his mind.

Stephen Strange is in love with Tony.  How was Peter supposed to compete with that?

[pepperoniwhirlwind]

~Honesty Hour~

     I was asked by @lovelynhiddenkittens to do all 150 questions in the Honesty Hour tag! 😮 Thank you, lovely and curious stranger~! 😆 But since that’s a lot for one post, I’ll break it up into chunks of 50 questions so it’s easier for all my blogging buddies to digest. 😊 Starting... now! 😝

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?      That would have to be Alex. He was warming my hand for me because it was ice cold. Though he doesn’t know that’s because I intentionally held my super cold drink for a really long time with that hand, then casually mentioned how cold my hand was so he’d try to warm it... >//> Introverts are sneaky flirts, what can I say? 😆😏

2. Are you outgoing or shy?      Shy, definitely. Though there are alters in the system much more outgoing than me.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?      Tyler! 😄 I’ve been staying over at her apartment every weekend this past summer, and always enjoy our movie and gaming marathons. 😝

4. Are you easy to get along with?      I think so. I’m not very easily angered, a pacifist at heart, and a people-pleaser at my core. 😂 So it’s pretty hard not to get along with me.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

     I don’t know, Alex is a sweetheart so he’d probably help, and Tyler cares but she doesn’t do bodily fluids. 😆 So, it depends. And considering I’ve never been drunk, and seem to have too high a tolerance to get drunk without having to rob a bank to fund the sheer volume of alcohol needed, I doubt this problem will ever arise. 👌

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

     Kind and funny people. 😊

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

     I have no idea, but I won’t rule it out. Alex has kinda been cute and flirty towards me lately, so maaaybe~? >//>

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

     Uh, well, the subject of the last question was Alex, so, him. 😆

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

     A wee bit, yes. 😅 I put up a good facade though, but being asexual, sex is kinda... bleeehhh~ for me. e~e

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

     That would have to be Tyler. :3 She’s my bestie from my ASL classes~ 💜 We have a looot in common, so we talk for hours at a time, in between movie and game marathons that is. 😆

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

     Context: I was spamming Tyler gifs of adorable animals earlier today.

     The Text: “Aaand now I gotta get ready for therapy, so this shall be the crowning gif of adorable goodness!”

     Followed by a gif of two golden retrievers fighting over a tennis ball, with a third retriever (being shoved into the frame by a fourth, offscreen, retriever) resting his head on the two dogs feuding over the aforementioned tennis ball. 💖

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

     This is rather hard... so I’ll just list the songs that I listen to on repeat a lot.

     1. “The Cure” by Lady Gaga

     2. “Insomnia” by IAMX

     3. “Middle of the Bed” by Lucy Rose

     4. “All the Rage” by Allie X

     5. “Wires” by The Neighbourhood

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

     Yes. No. Kinda? It depends... If I’ve just had a shower and my hair is clean, I love it. ^w^ But if it’s been a bit and my hair isn’t all that clean I just feel embarrassed if people touch my hair. e~e

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

     Ehhh... Depends which alter you ask really. Me, personally? Not so much. My family has always told me our family line is cursed to have bad luck, so if I believed in such things, I guess I’m doomed. 😂

15. What good thing happened this summer?

     I’ve started working on myself and my social life, strengthening friendships irl and online, or, at least attempting to. 😅 Sometimes I’m just bad at not isolating. But this past summer I’ve been spending basically every weekend at my friend Tyler’s apartment and hanging out with her core group of friends. It’s been a nice break from the chaos of the school semester. 😊

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

     Well, considering she’s on the other side of the country back in my home state, probably not. She was a lovely first kiss, but I’ll leave it at that. 🤭

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

     With how many planets there are in the galaxy; the universe? Not to mention how many planets within The Goldilocks Zone that share a similar atmosphere to earth within the observable universe alone... How could I not think other life exists? At the very least, in some kind of bacterial form, though, I dare to dream a little bigger. ✨

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

     Well, I’ve never really had a crush, per se, though plenty of squishes. :3 But my first squish did not turn out well, so, no. :c

19. Do you like bubble baths?

     Yes, especially if I go all out and light candles and play music on my phone. 🕯️🎶😌 However, I don’t do that very often. I take showers mostly.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

     Yeah, they’re chill people. The neighbors with the overly-territorial pitbull that kept us prisoner in our car for hours and broke into our fenced-in backyard to take massive doggie dumps out of sheer hatred for us moved away because their dog kept terrorizing the neighbourhood and was going to get put down if it didn’t stop breaking out to chase children on trikes and joggers onto rooftops. So, the neighbors we have now are awesome! 😆

21. What are your bad habits?

     Sometimes I’m too honest and don’t know when to stop talking, other times I’m so socially anxious I might as well be a feature of the wall at parties. 😂 I also have trichotillomania, a compulsive disorder related to OCD, in which I get really strong urges to pull out my hair sometimes, so definitely a bad habit... Just talking about it kinda... ehhhh... moving on. e~e

22. Where would you like to travel?

     A lot of places. Though Scotland is at the top of my list. Scotland is a huge part of my family’s heritage, and some of my family still lives there. So I would love to visit and spend some time in nature there~  💕

23. Do you have trust issues?

     Yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

     Well, anytime I get to de-stress is nice. I know wiping down my face with a face wipe always feels nice and refreshing after a day out running errands and attending classes. It’s the little things that are the most help~ 😊

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

     All of it. If I could edit my body, that would be nice.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

     Hit snooze on the alarm a couple times, get up, walk to the bathroom... you can imagine the rest.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

     Nope, I’m quite happy with my vampire pale skin, and even my dirty blonde, curly lion’s mane of hair, and my blue eyes ain’t so bad either. I’m not completely hideous, just 97% hideous. 👌😂

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

     Myself. My alters. Tyler. Alex. My Tumblr fam~ 💞

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

     No, because I usually cut them out of my life after they break my heart. Some have tried to stay friends with me or become friends with me again years later, but... no. I don’t need backstabbers in my life.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

     Maybe, someday. When the time is right, I’ll know, until then, I’ll enjoy my singledom~ :3

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?

     Yes, it’s in a ponytail right now actually. 😆

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

     NONE.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

     gtlo nhy (Oh gawd... What a name. 😂)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

     Mi-Suk used to play on tennis and basketball teams, but our spine is a little too deteriorated nowadays to attempt such things.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

     Without TV, hands down. I’d die without music. I bleed music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

     Yep. I had a bit of a squish on this kid named Travis in elementary school and never told him. My frenemy told him I had a crush on him, and he never talked to me after that. 😭

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

     I either make a joke or just enjoy the silence. Depends what mood I’m in. Sometimes I’m more introverted and just want to sit in silence or listen to music instead of talk. Other times I just wanna connect with people and I tend to crack a lot of darker, self-deprecating jokes as a way to break the ice, or tension if I feel some.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

     I want someone who is genuinely kind, patient, and funny. It also helps if they are neurodivergent like me, and have similar enough interests, sense of humor, etc. to my own. c: Overall, I just want to feel comfortable and safe with someone. 😊

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

     I buy food at Fry’s... so... Fry’s?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

     I’m already out of high school, bub. Now I’m in college, and I still have no idea. I have dream jobs, dream homes, dream lives. But none of them seem realistic.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

     Depends on the crime, really. If I hired someone to babysit my hypothetical children, and they forgot to tell the children to clean up their toys, I believe a second chance is in order. If they, however, ditched the job to mack on Paul Puffy Lips next door, leaving my children to starve, I don’t believe I’ll be giving them another call.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

     It means I’m probably really socially anxious at the moment and would prefer to not be made the center of attention. o~o’

43. Do you smile at strangers?

     Yes, sometimes to spread cheer and joy, other times because I’m worried they’ll think I’m an up-to-no-good deviant or zombified by depression, which is how I feel at least 80% of the time, and worry everyone notices, even strangers, who probably would not assume such things, but that’s social anxiety for you. 😂

44. A trip to outer space or the bottom of the ocean?

     Why not both? However, humans are so preoccupied with space that we’ve only explored 5% of our oceans. I don’t want the oceans to feel lonely, so I’ll visit them first. 💙

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

     Sometimes the looming responsibilities in my life, other times I just don’t get out of bed. 

46. What are you paranoid about?

     A lot of things, but the most pressing concern of mine is that everyone will inevitably leave me because I’m a terrible, horrible human being who doesn’t deserve friendship. 😅

47. Have you ever been high?

     Every day, if I can help it. I have a medical marijuana card and have for a couple years now.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

     No.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

     No, not really. Nothing is coming to mind. 

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

     Well, I’m wearing a hoodie now, and it’s gray, with the Nirvana emblem on the front. 😝 It’s my favorite and coziest hoodie of all.

[i-can-be-king-again]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Nope

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No, that person dumped me a couple years ago and we stopped talking after a while

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “okay”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’m being less of a pushover than I've been before and being less of a perfectionist in front of ppl

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? “In my head” by Ariana Grande, I listen to it sometimes to remind myself that I'm better off without them

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? I don’t use Facebook as much anymore

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Never been drunk, but I was super tense when I was buzzed lol

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate, it makes my stomach hurt lol

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Last week when I felt like I'm not improving in my self defense class, but I'm always disappointed in that lol

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? There’s a couple people that can

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Tell them to get tf out my house lol

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I’m so goddamn lonely lol

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably not

Are you okay right now? I’m never ok tbh lol

What time did you get up today? around 8:30 am

When was the last time you saw your mom? As of writing this right now, about 10 minutes ago

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Trump, my self defense teacher, and this stupid guy in my self defense class

Where is your best friend right now? Probably at home

When will your next kiss be? I’m not going to predict that because I don’t want to jinx the possibility lol

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? Hell no lol

Does anyone completely understand you? My therapist, I think

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A couple years ago I think

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Playing games

How often do you straighten your hair? I already have straight hair so I don’t need to do that

What are you currently looking forward to? This stupid pandemic and trump’s presidency to be over

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Probably not lol, mostly waste time

Who did you last hang out with? The person I'm dating(?) at the moment

Did anyone see your last kiss? Nope

Could things possibly get any better? I hope so ugh

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I have no clue!

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Anxiety and lack of sleep

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? No

How often do you see your ex? Never, thank god lol

Who was the last person to text you? My friend

Did you like anyone last summer? Not really

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time!

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My friend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? yes!! I’m fine with either one lol

Are you currently in a relationship? Nope

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Rarely

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Not really

What are you planning on doing after this? Probably play some games

Is there a girl you would do anything for? Yep!

Who IMed you on facebook last? An old classmate from college

How old are you? 27

Do you love dogs? I love them!!

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Some of them yeah

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rainbows lol

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Orange

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? Cartwheel

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Not performed, but one time I saw a comedian at a small venue and they had me come up on stage with him to be his “personal assistant” because I looked super young for my age, it was really fun lmao

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, but mostly intimidated lol

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? I don’t eat meat so no lol

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? I’m ok with either one

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Depends on the movie I'm seeing in the theater

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Brown

Do you like spaghetti? Spaghetti is pretty good

What about lasagna? Lasagna is pretty good too

Do you celebrate Christmas? Sort of

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No..? I've never heard of that tf lol

Do you like chocolate bars? Not really, I like chocolate in other forms lol

what about ice cream? nah, it hurts my teeth when I eat it

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mostly mosquitoes lol

Do you get tired easily? Sometimes

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Never lol

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered to help office workers at red cross What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but they were too hard to take out and they were uncomfortable

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? yes if they were easier to take out lol

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Nope

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but from genetics lol

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Not yet lol

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? not yet

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ If it’s a close family member yeah

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? no thank god

Do you like Harry Potter? not really

What about Twilight? I liked it when I was younger, but not now How do you feel about Lord of the rings? It’s kind of boring lol

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I saw, it was ok

Do you have a glass that says ‘Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? Nope

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7-7.5 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Narrow

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? black sneakers

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? yep

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No, I love them lol

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? yes

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m a lot closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I think I was 10, I don’t remember their name

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Not at all lol

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? I've never watched it so I can’t have a valid opinion of it

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I had semi severe stomach problems when I was a baby, and still have them now lol

Do you collect DVDs? Nah, I just rent them

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? Sometimes

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? roly polies and ladybugs

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! I don’t remember having an art class back then lol

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes, I'm pretty good at dodging but not throwing

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? I’m fine with it

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? yes and still do lol

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter

Have you ever stepped on a snail? yeah, on accident :/

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Sonic the hedgehog lmao

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t know their middle name oops, I think it’s the same name as my dad though

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Nah, not interested

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Not really

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, my house gets cold a lot

What state were you born in? California

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Never had one

How far away do you live from your birthplace? An hour maybe?

Do you have a weak stomach? yes, I hate it ugh

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? No

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Not at all

Do you *really* like donuts? Hell yeah I do!

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? If I went there all the time, then yeah

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? I don’t like hooking up with people :/

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Games, art supplies, clothes

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? Probably not

What do you usually order on a pizza? vegan cheese with veggies on it Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I don't have one 😭

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? My cousin

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy!!!!!

How old will you be on your next birthday? 28 😱

What color are your underwear? That’s confidential information lmao

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? All the time, I always have to eat in an area with little to no people.  It sucks

[boy-at-a-bus-stop]

okay, here is the sixth chapter, it’s a bit shorter than usual and tbh i’m really not sure if this is good but it just wanted to be written so here it is... i hope you like it and i hope there aren’t too many typos

p.s.: it seems like tumblr doesn’t lke me and there are some kind of weird signs and numbers in the text, please just ignore the, i can’t edit this bullshit because everyhting looks ompletely normal in edit mode, i’ll try to find the mistake tomorrow or so

Six

I didn't go to the studio in the next few days. It didn't really have a specific reason, I just didn't go. Maybe I subconsciously didn't want to annoy anyone who was working over there, maybe I subconsciously wanted to avoid meeting Bob again or seeing Josh again. I think I was scared that things between us would be awkward now because of what had happened last time we talked to each other. I mean, nothing dramatic happened, but you know, sometimes these small things can initiate a massive change in a relationship, especially if it's this young of a relationship.

So I didn't go over to the studio in the next few days, instead I did a few other things. Wow, you certainly wouldn't have thought of that, right? I mean 'normal' people just stare at the ceiling for days if they don't do what they'd usually be doing and don't have to work, don't they? Of course they don't, and I didn't either.

On Tuesday I decided to visit my dad so I called him to ask if he was around. It turned out to be a good idea that I called him since he wasn't at home that day. He told me that I should stop by the next day, so I stayed home on Tuesday and spent it reading and listening to music (and of course still thinking about Bob's comment the other day, it was still stuck in my head, of course) and then headed over to my dad's house on Wednesday. 

My dad for whatever reason never locks his front door. I guess it's just one of his weird habits, or maybe he just wants to let all the creative energies and spirits and stuff right into his living room. Yeah, he's that kind of a guy. And if you think i'm judging him for it, you're so fucking wrong. Because I am not,  I love his way of seeing things, and even if it might seem a little bit awkward at first, you get used to it and it really isn't that big of a thing with him - he doesn't speak about it the way John does. I mean, he doesn't even believe in it as strongly as John does, I think with my dad it's more of a post-hippy thing he doesn't even take all too seriously himself. 

So I just knocked on the door before entering the house he lived in with his girlfriend at the time. It was quite a big house, it had a small backyard and was arranged with the vintage furniture my dad had collected over the years. To my surprise I found both of them in their bedroom, packing.

“What's going on here?”, was the first thing I said, totally forgetting about my manners because I was so confused. “Hey Ally, nice to see you, too”, my dad said as he stopped packing for a second, turned around and looked at me. “Hi All!”, Michelle, my dad's girlfriend exclaimed excitedly as she walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. We always had a good relationship, Michelle and I, which wasn't always the case with me and my dad's girlfriends. 

Okay this may have sounded like he's a slut so I just want to clear that up: he didn't have that many girlfriends, I think he had four girlfriends in the 20 years between his and my mom's divorce and his re-marriage just a few years ago, but I could be mistaken. I mean I didn't live with him for a long time so he might have had another girlfriend before I moved in with him. I knew four of his girlfriends, two of them (Michelle and Angelina) were really nice, two of them were slightly... uh... I guess you know what I mean, I don't need to explain any further, right?

Sadly he didn't marry Michelle, they broke up because Michelle wanted to have kids and my dad didn't want a second child since he already had me. You need to know that he was quite young (22 I think) when my mom (she was around that age, too) got pregnant. So he definitely wasn't too old to “make” another child, he just didn't want to. Michelle did and so they broke up after about three years of relationship, but they remained good friends. Michelle married another man and got two children now. I didn't see her in a long long time, I hope she's alright... anyway, I hope I explained things good enough for them to make sense to you, otherwise just ignore this, it's not that important, you're not here to learn about my dad and his ex-girlfriends, right?

“Hey, so what's up? Why are you packing?”, I asked after I hugged her back. “We'll fly to Illinois to my aunt's funeral tomorrow, don't you remember? I'm sure I told you”, my dad now said, seemingly confused himself. “Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot”, I said, mentally facepalming myself. I had totally forgotten about this, all the things that had happened in the last week had really made me forget it. My dad's aunt had died a bit earlier, he had been very old and sick so it wasn't really surprising but you know, the death of a family member is never an easy thing to cope with. I hadn't really known her, so it didn't really affect me. My dad hadn't been close to her either, but it still made him sad, one could see it in his eyes. Of course it did. Death always makes people sad

So my dad and Michelle had to fly up to Illinois for the funeral the next day. I didn't come along with them because it wasn't really MY family, I hadn't spent a lot of time with my dad's relatives, I mean I had met all of them once but that was about it. I think it's just because I spent most of my childhood on a different continent, and I think that just makes relationships strange in general and even when I moved here I didn't spend a lot of time with them because, you know, Illinois and LA aren't really in the same corner of the US. So I'm really not close with any of them. But this doesn't bother me at all. Having good relationships with relatives is good but there are way more important things, right?

Michelle and my dad stopped packing to have coffee with me, and we just sat down in the living room and talked. My dad had these beautiful old leather couches in the middle of the living room, there was a small wooden table and a carpet with a beautiful pattern on it. The living room was quite big, there were bookshelves and  a corner with lots of records and a turntable. My dad didn't own a TV, he said he had no use for it He bought one a few years later, though, so something about it must have caught his attention.  

So we all had coffee, I asked my dad a few questions about his aunt and the rest of the people he was going to meet at the funeral. He said he was looking forward to seeing his cousin and her husband again, maybe even their two kids but he wasn't sure if they'll bring them. I didn't even know that his cousin had children by then, Yeah, I guess that proofs that I really was so not a part of this whole family-thing.

”How old are her children? Why didn't you tell me about this?”, I asked, surprised and confused when my dad started talking about them. “I definitely told you, All, I'm sure I did, you just forget things way too easily”, my dad laughed, “The older one's 4 and the younger one's 2 and a half years old” “Wow, okay, i'm still surprised...”, I giggled. Michelle laughed, then she finished her cup of coffee and left the living room to continue packing.

“So... uhm... Who's that...'friend' you were talking about the other day?”, my dad asked as soon as Michelle had left the room. It seemed like he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable by asking me in front of her. “What friend? Who are you talking about?”, I asked, pretending not to know what or better said who he meant. “That friend of Bob's, the one who you spend so much time with..”, my dad said before he added, “Why am I even explaining this? You know who i'm talking about, right?” He smiled, I love it when my dad smiles. I love to see him happy, to know that I did something that made him happy. “I'm not spending that much time with him, dad! But yeah, I know who you're talking about...”, I said, giggling. “Uh, where do I start...”, I sighed.  

“Uhm... well, his name's Josh and... he's a musician and a friend of Bob's and they're making this record together...”, I started, trying to tell my dad all the important things but leave out the bits that would make me sound like an obsessed 13-year-old talking about her favorite actor or something like that. I didn't want to make my dad think that I had a crush on Josh, not after Bob already thought so, even if it might have been true. “Yeah, you told me that already...”, my dad said. “How old is he?”, he than asked. “He's 19, I think...”, I mumled. “Does he go to college, or does he plan to go some day?” Wow, my dad was quick at asking his questions. “No he, uhm, to be honest... he dropped out of high school when he was 15″, I answered in a low voice. Silence seemed to fill the room for a few minutes which felt like ages to me. To my great surprise my dad broke the silence with his loud laugh. “Why are you laughing?”, I asked, confused as fuck. “I'm sorry, it's just, this is so cliche, isn't it? The boy who quits school to conquer the world playing his guitar. It's just so cliche, but well, he's got to have some talent if Bob's making a record with him, right?”

I really didn't know what to say. I mean yeah, my dad was right, it definitely was cliche thing to do as a musician, but I did find it kind of weird that my dad laughed his ass of at this. I just felt like I could tell that my dad wasn't taking Josh seriously and thought he was stupid for dropping out of high school. And while it really does seem like a stupid thing to do for most people, I felt like it was the absolutely right thing to do for Josh. My dad just didn't have the right to judge him for it, I mean he didn't even know him. This definitely wasn't his place to judge.

I didn't tell my dad that I was thinking this way, though. I didn't tell him that he hurt my feelings by laughing at my friend's decision. I didn't say anything at all. But my dad knows me, he really does and the felt that there was something wrong and he felt that he had hurt my feelings. “I'm sorry...”, he said in a low voice after a few minutes of awkward silence. “It's okay...”, I answered and gave him a small smile. “Bob asked me to visit them in the studio soon, so I guess i'll get to meet your 'friend' Josh soon enough...”, he then stated, trying to get the conversation going again. “Dad, he really is a friend, not a 'friend', or whatever you think he is...” I sighed. “Well, who knows what will happen”, my dad said and winked at me just to tease me and if you know me just a tiny little bit you'll know that it's really easy to tease me and that I usually don't take it that well. I shot my dad a glance and right in that moment my cellphone vibrated loudly to tell me (and everyone else in the room, you need to know this was a very attention-seeking cellphone, not a normal one which just keeps quiet all the time, no, my cellphone thought it was badass, and it wanted attention and it did everything to make everybody look at it... no, I didn't go crazy and I am very well aware of the fact that cellphones don't have feelings but this just came to me, so yeah...) that I had a new text message. “Is this your 'friend'?”, my dad asked with an amused tone in his voice

I ignored his comment and instead took a look at my phone to see who it was, and no, it wasn't Josh if you thought so, too. It was a text from Susan, a childhood friend of mine. I'm sorry, I might have to some day post a list of the most important people in this story and my life in general, I'm sure it's quite confusing that there are so many people around, but that's how real life works, right? It's not like some sitcom with three main characters and a few sidekicks. These people are real people and they're all important to me and this story so I guess we'll have to find a way to manage all this.

Anyways, so there was a text from my childhood friend Susan on my phone. She asked me to come over to her place because she needed someone to talk to. I sighed. Susan's boyfriend had broken up with her almost two months ago and she still struggled to accept this. They had been a couple for almost three years before her boyfriend broke up with her, but in my opinion it was the right thing to do. They weren't really going anywhere with their relationship and one could just tell that they weren't really happy. I mean it's obvious that her boyfriend hadn't been happy since he broke up with her, but in my opinion she hadn't really been happy either but her memories painted a different picture in her mind, simply because that the relationship had ended.  I don't want to go too far into detail with what had happened between her ex and Susan, it's her personal thing after all. 

“I need to leave...”, I mumbled, looking up from my phone. If I am your friend and you need me I will be there to help you, no matter what, no matter at what time you call me, no matter where I am, if you're my friend and you need me I will be right by your side. That's just part of my personality I guess. And maybe the importance of friendships in my life in general is a reason for that behavior. I got up from the couch I had been sitting on and started walking towards the front door. “What's up? Is something wrong?”, my dad asked, walking behind me, worry in his voice. “No, it's just... Susan asked me to come over to her place...”, I answered while opening the front door. Before I left the house I turned around again and  hugged my dad goodbye. “I'll call you tomorrow when we arrive in Illinois”, he said as I walked away and got in my car.

Susan didn't look too healthy when she opened her front door, she had lost weight and looked as if she hadn't slept in days. I asked her about what was wrong and listened to her, trying to make her feel better by letting her talk about it all. I personally made the experience that talking itself sometimes helps a lot. I don't think that  this is too interesting to you so I won't talk about this for too long, it's really not that interesting and it's not that important for this story. Talking really did seem to help Susan, and over time we started talking about less serious topics, we told each other stories and made each other laugh. It seems to always be like this with Susan: She often worries and feels bad about herself and her life and so on, but it's quite easy to cheer her up again. She just needs good friends who don't judge her for the way she is and the way she feels and are there to help her because after a certain amount of time she tends to isolate herself if she feels that there's no one who wants to listen and be there for her. And I think everyone knows that isolation isn't the best thing for most people's mental health.

I left Susan's apartment late, around 2 am. I think, and headed home. I didn't feel like staying at her place because I was sure she'd want to talk all night long and I was tired as fuck. Talking to friends and relatives can be so exhausting, right? I drove home slowly, not taking the shortest way home even though I was tired. I really enjoy driving at night and I don't find it tiring at all, I just like it, I liked siting in the passenger seat as my mom drove at night when I was a kid and I still like it today, i'm not sure why. It just feels so good, it's hard to explain, but I guess some of you can relate. So by the time I reached the front door of my apartment it was almost 3 am. 

I didn't notice the small piece of paper that stuck in between the door and the door frame until if fell down onto the floor as I opened the front door. I sighed as I bent down to pick it up, wondering who had put it there. 

Before reading what had been written down on this piece of paper I put off my shoes and walked into the living room where I switched on the light. I got myself a glass of water and sat on the dinner table. That's something I always thought about when I was a kid because my mom didn't want me to sit on the table: I said to myself, “Once you're living alone, you can sit on the table whenever you want, no one will tell you not to do so” I don't know why but for me as a kid sitting on the table was a huge thing. It's not that exciting after all. I think some things aren't  as appealing to you once you get a bit older. I hardy ever sit on the table anymore today. It would feel weird to be a fully grown up woman sitting on a table. Sometimes I wish I hadn't grown up that fast. But well, life makes you grow up sooner or later and even though being a grown up isn't as exciting as you imagine it when you're a child, it still got it's perks. So I sat on the table and took a sip of water,  then I unfolded the the piece of paper and read what was written onto it in quite small, almost unreadable handwriting. One could tell without doubt that this had been written in a hurry.

Hey, please call me when you get home, I need to talk to you about something

J...

I furrowed my eyebrows, surprised and wondering what Josh wanted to talk about. He obviously wanted me to call him for whatever reason. But it was 3:30 am., should I still call him? I had no idea what he wanted, I had no idea if he just wanted to tell me a dumb joke or if he really needed to tell me something important. But something told me that this wasn't about telling dumb jokes, this was more serious. After thinking about what to do for a few more minutes I decided to text him to see if he was still awake. If he was he'd respond, if he wasn't I wouldn't wake him up. 

So I sent him a text message explaining that I had just come home and asking if he was awake and if he wanted to talk now or the next day. While I was waiting for his response I brushed my teeth and washed my face, getting ready for bed. When I came back into the living room to check if he had responded I found that I had a missed call from Josh. “Shit”, I mumbled to myself. I hadn't expected him to call that soon after I had texted him. I quickly dialed his number and called him back. “Hey”, I said as he answered the phone,”i'm sorry I was just brushing my teeth when you called.” “It's okay, really, i'm sorry i'm keeping you from sleeping by the way, but... I needed... to talk to someone”, Josh said in a low voice. I sensed that there was something wrong with him, he didn't sound all too good and I guessed that he was more than just a bit tipsy.  I felt like I could smell the alcohol in his breath through the telephone line even though that's clearly impossible. “It's fine, I just came home anyway. So what's the matter?”, I asked him, trying to find out what was up. “Uhm it's... Bob and I had a fight... and”, he sighed, “I'm out. It's over. I quit the band”, Josh muttered on the other end of the line. 

“YOU DID WHAT?!, I exclaimed, then continued speaking in a calmer voice, “What? Why? What happened?” I really hadn't expected anything like this. I never thought something like this would actually happen. Josh stayed silent for a few seconds and I could only hear the silent music that was playing in the background wherever Josh was at that moment, probably in his apartment. “I quit the band... Bob went... he went too far, he threw a glass bottle at me and... I just couldn't handle this, I can't do this, I just can't“, he almost whispered, “And I don't know if it was the right thing to do. I'm almost sure it wasn't the right thing...” I didn't really know what to say, and I was worried. Everyone would be worried when hearing something like that, right? “You know, maybe I shouldn't have done this in... in the first place, you know... I mean joining, agreeing on making this record... maybe it was... all... wrong, and... I, I don't know anymore... I don't know what I want and... I don't know what to do”, Josh continued rambling.

“Josh, calm down!”, I interrupted him, “Are you drunk?” Josh took a moment before answering my question. “...maybeee....”, he then slurred and this single word was proof enough to my thesis. He definitely was drunk. “Josh, please, just go to bed and i'll come over tomorrow and we can talk about it all and we can sort this out, okay? Just please stop drinking, you had enough for today”, I spoke slowly, trying to make clear that I was serious. “Uh, yeah,yeeaah,you're probably right...”, Josh mumbled. “Promise me that you won't drink any more tonight, okay?” “Okay, I promise I won't...”, he said in a low voice. “Alright, as I said i'll come over to your place tomorrow, Everything is going to be alright, Josh, don't worry. Goodnight”, I said, trying to make him understand that I was tired and we'd sort it all out the next day. “Okay, goodnight...” I just wanted to hang up when Josh spoke up again. 

“And... Ally... there’s one more thing...”, he almost whispered. “Yeah?” “I love you”, he then really whispered so lowly that I wasn't even sure if I heard it right and hung up immediately after his words had left his mouth, not leaving me the tiniest chance to respond. 

This didn't matter though, I wouldn't have know what to say anyway.