#like I'm convinced this is just bait to see if I'd get upset over it

[boyapologist]

sounds fake because Argentina press reported it first? Argentina the country where he died? lmao you racist fuck I hope you believe it now you idiot. come visit and jump off a balcony as well, we'll enjoy it too

literally what are you talking about. this is so fucking funny

if anything you're the racist one for assuming I'm literally not latin as well like. argentina is literally my neighbor country. and they have a racist history with US! I caaaaan't

[liskantope]

I honestly about 90% agree with most of the substance of your response but think it's not really charitable enough to why people get upset about expressed body type and ethnic preferences, and I don't see it as so clear-cut to determine when someone is getting upset about it out of deliberate baiting or belligerence or "acting like chimpanzees".

A nitpick to start with:

>But you have a rosier impression than I do of how charitable all decent people are going to be nooooo, I really do not think that. People will indeed be foul. I just take the view that them being foul is a description of THEM, and not a fair judgement that there's something wrong with me. Just because people are foul doesn't make their foulness correct, ie, you are not in the wrong just because someone is being foul to you about it.

I had chosen my words carefully by including the modifier "decent": my point was that you were (and still are) outright claiming that sure, some people will have problems with superficial preferences, but those ones aren't worthwhile people to have around; decent people won't have a problem. So I would continue to say you have a rosier impression than I do of how well certain comments will go down with all decent people (the contrapositive: you are much more convinced than I am that having an attitude about superficial body/race preferences amounts to not being a decent person).

I can give stories about people I would consider very well-meaning who get upset about certain expressed race/body preferences, not necessarily upset and aggressive to the face of the person who expresses the preferences, not even necessarily angry or blaming said person, just feeling hurt and like such preferences are a product of objectifying societal attitudes. In one case I saw a guy I would consider pretty decent getting super indignant on behalf of an overweight (female) friend who had found out second-hand that a guy she was interested in "wasn't into bigger women"; the indignant guy was being supportive, not getting indignant for the sake of jumping all over someone else, but the attitude was there.

Like, if you try to have a bland conversation about food with someone, and you suggest "hey the tacos at this place are really good", and they respond screeching at you, "Why do you think I'm going to buy you lunch you greedy bastard"? (I have had this exact conversation, many times.)

Sheesh, you've had to interact with some really unkind and unreasonable people, and I'm sorry!

But I think you may be over-pattern-matching the kind of offendedness I'm talking about to super abrasive offense-seeking a-holes like in the interactions you described. The taking offense or being bothered (or angered in an indirect way) by expressed race/body preferences results in my view from a set of beliefs that are partly ideologically driven. And I mostly disagree with the ideology part when it leads to unreasonable assumptions, and for a lot of the reasons you laid out (I'd summarize a lot of it as conflation of superficial preferences with objectification under that ideology).

But at the same time, I don't entirely disagree with the ideology. I'm getting too tired at the moment to expand much on this (and I find it a mildly boring and overdone topic anyway), but (1) fatphobia on a society-wide level almost certainly does influence some people's (especially straight men's) body preferences, even if in a society with no fatphobia tons (probably a majority) would prefer bodies on the skinnier side anyway (or deep down they're fine with larger people but want to pretend otherwise because of stigma); and (2) a lot of people (at least straight men, in my experience and kind of to my annoyance) seem to be attracted to certain ethnicities based on an impulse to think anything that seems exotic is attractive. Now I've tried to earnestly examine myself for biases coming from the level of fatphobia in the world around me, and I don't think my ethnicity preferences are well correlated with what is more exotic (defined with respect to my experiences of people/places). But acquaintances asking me about whether I "have a type" don't know that, and some are pretty sick of being reminded how many people's preferences are probably skewed by pervasive fatphobia and a desire to chase after and/or objectify anything exotic. I don't need telepathy to predict this might be how many of them feel.

Analogous phenomena that I think tends to tilt more towards describing straight women's preferences: some people find autistic mannerisms a turn-off and might say that an autistic person is "not their type"; and some people have a thing for someone who is visibly well-off financially. Neither of these things strikes me as an innately wrong preference for individual to have, nor even as preferences an individual can necessarily help having (the latter does seem more likely to be based on attitudes, and attitudes that arguably should be changed). But it would seem awkward for the person to express preferences, because, well, anti-autism stigma is a thing that surely influences preferences in the aggregate, and classism is a thing that is often part of people's attitudes, and autistic people and less wealthy people have clear disadvantages socially already; it's not exactly great for someone to have either of those preferences, and it can be very hurtful just to be reminded of them even if by an individual whose feelings don't stem from any kind of bigotry. I don't think someone who has some kind of upset or suspicious reaction is necessarily acting on an impulse to be belligerent or difficult or entirely unreasonable.

I don't know. A lot of unfortunate things are the fault of no particular individual in a given situation; at least that's how I tend to feel.

I do agree, though, that ultimately, someone more sensitive or easily hurt/offended and who isn't prepared for answers with awkward implications probably shouldn't be asking questions like "Do you have a type, and if so, what is it?" anyway.

When I'm asked (in the context of dating and matchmaking in a conversation between relatively open people) whether I "have a type" and, if so, what my type is, the honest answer is "yes" and that I could give a rough description of my type and part of me would probably get some kind of enjoyment from discussing it with friendly acquaintances. But instead I always clam up, because somehow no matter what aspect of physical attractiveness I discuss -- ethnicity, body type, or something else -- I feel like there will always be socially uncouth implications. I mean, how do people ever really feel comfortable answering that question?

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.

[confusedinfj]

The INFJ'S Guidebook to People: Spotting Entps

So you've tried typing by the letters and by the cognitive functions. Now you're looking to verify your typing makes sense. What are some key attritubes you should be looking for...?

A real entp is...

Not super Extraverted. Like enfps, their first function isn't about people, it's about possibilities.

Able to be mistyped as an Extraverted thinker. They like to 'think' out loud, or so it seems. They're actually just showing off. Alternatively, you're hearing their Ne. You'll be able tell the difference if you ask them for their opinion and then realise how much quieter they are.

Afraid of upsetting people. Can be easily manipulated on occasion.

Not sure of what they're feeling. Able to be convinced they're feeling anything.

Able to be excited about anything. Tell them they'd make a good doctor and watch them plan their lives as a doctor.

Usually highly intelligent.

Involved in way too many things at once.

Probably stressed because of all the things they're doing.

Accidentally flirting with everyone. They love banter, so it doesn't mean they actually like the person they're flirting with. Unlikely to lead someone on though because it's obviously playful.

Bad at remembering things. Able to throw a tantrum and then forget they did it.

Annoying. Probably the most annoying of the types in that everyone finds them annoying.

A sticky beak. They have FOMO bad.

Kind hearted. Even when they're annoying they mean well.

Liked by everyone.

Loyal.

Fond of a good bargain.

Not fussy. Happy to sleep on a bed off the side of the road.

Fussy. Just because their headphones are broken doesn't mean they're going to get new ones. They're still the best headphones ever. Also, their clothes may be all over the floor, but don't you dare put them back in the wrong spot.

Pretty happy and oblivious as kids. They often get in trouble for arguing, and then make it worse by arguing why they shouldn't get in trouble.

Rational. They like weighing up pros and cons and using reason to determine the best cause of action (Ti)

Romantic. Entps see so many possibilities and prefer not to filter their dreams through logic. You'll find that your entp friend probably has hundreds of romantic dreams they're keeping to themselves, whether it's running a farm or ruling the world.

Kind of lonely. Like enfps, most people like them, but they don't really have any close friends.

A dangerous driver. They like to speed and will justify their speeding. Just for my husband's sake, I would like to point out that it's not just him. I have another entp friend who likes to drive at 200km/h on Freeways, and another who ruins a car every other month. I actually can't believe all entps aren't dead because of their bad driving.

Sadly, a natural lawyer. They will argue about anything as if they're in a court of law, even personal matters.

Probably not aware that they're lonely.

Blunt without realising it. May really upset you without trying.

Often not aware of people being mean to them. People often mistakenly think they're patient when they are just oblivious.

Oblivious. Probably won't notice they upset you. You'll need to tell them. They will try to argue it away, so you'll need to be forthright. When they finally understand how upset you were they'll probably cry. Tertiary Fe being triggered brings on tears.

Usually pretty easy to calm down if they are stressed or crying. Since they're still rationals they like advice when they're upset.

Over defensive. Entps are often oblivious when people are mean to them, but they're also not good at telling when you're NOT being mean to them. This leads them to take offence at random things and be overly defensive about it because they feel attacked.

Messy and disorganised. Usually clean. Likely to obsessively organise one drawer when stressed, ignoring the rest of their messy house (inferior Si).

Good at taking constructive criticism. Or just criticism. Entps genuinely want to grow personally.

Argumentative. But more in a bickering kind of style, in that they just LOVE arguing about anything for no good reason. Tip: if an entp starts arguing over something stupid with you, tell them they're arguing. They will argue they're not and won't even realise the irony for a good five minutes. 😂

Usually quiet.

LOUD. there is no in-between for an entp. They get louder as they get more excited and happy.

Always working on some strange puzzle.

Sometimes creating weird puzzles. For example, my husband went through a stage where everything he would put in the calendar was in some code. The only problem was when he forgot one or two of them I had no clue what he had meant either. (and when I say code, it was like, 'I have the dentist on Monday. The dentist's name is Gordon, like the tank engine, and Gordon the tank engine is green. Green reminds me of lettuce, which is in the story of rapunzel. So imma write down rapunzel).

Soft. Even if they don't cry in public, they might tear up easily.

Big criers.

A type that naturally seems to have a bit of adhd.

A good judge of character. Sometimes they can be over optimistic though, because they really want to like everyone.

Suddenly overwhelmed. Entps will take on more and more AND MORE until... MELT DOWN. This looks like tears and losing track of everything all at once. May bring about spectacular failure if damage control doesn't occur quickly.

Things an entp might say...

'that's a cute dog. I'd like to get a dog one day. What kind of dog should I get? I don't know, I don't know any dog breeds. I think I'd name it Harold though. Only if it was a boy. Otherwise it would be Charlie...' or any other stream of consciousness monologue (Ne)

Anything that baits you into a debate. Eg, 'isn't it great how Trump wants to build a wall?'

Anything that baits you into bickering. Eg, 'I didn't say that'.

'I don't know', with regards to their opinion or feelings. This is a bad sign if it is followed by a pause, because it means they do know, they just don't want to tell you. If they really don't know it will be followed by a list of potential reasons.

'You say I annoyed you at precisely 2.15 pm. If this is the case, then why did you laugh at my joke at 2.16pm?' or any other legal speak during a personal argument.

'Do you know Hitler introduced a similar law to the one I'm breaking now? This law is evil and I don't have to follow it for that reason' or similar.

An extremely ambitious ambition such as, 'one day I'll own the moon'

Anything sad said cheerfully. For example, my husband once cheerfully told me about his friend in grade five. He finished with, 'anyway, he's dead now'.

A story that they've started half way through. They forgot the first half was in their head.

Anything annoying.

Something sweet with heart eyes.

An example of a rational but romantic entp - Tom Holland