#like I’ve felt over the past few days like 1 wrong move and my knee will dislocate and now fucking this
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I’m in so much pain that I can barely stand and the dog keeps jumping on me and bc of the angle I’m sitting at, to push him off (hes heavy as shit and I can’t deal with that right now) I have to use the limited strength I still have left in my legs which is also extremely painful bc of the angle (lose - lose). And my mam is fucking laughing at me. Constantly. She thinks it’s so funny while I feel like my hip is going to dislocate.
And then I get fucking fed up bc I’ve been in so much pain for hours now and I can’t even grab some pain meds bc I can’t walk. And so I push the dog particularly hard after he gets the worlds largest amount of slobber all over my only clean pair of trousers. Again, I’m really fucking frustrated and honestly I’m starting to get genuinely upset. And my mam is laughing again. And I tell her about my trousers. And she laughs and says that I can just go up and change and she can throw them in the wash for me. And I inform her that I’m in too much pain to walk right now. And she says “did you not get yourself pain meds?” And I say “I am in too much pain to walk right now.”
And she just stops talking. Not even a sorry. Not an offer to grab some for me. I can’t even self-sooth bc my self-soothing behaviour is fucking pacing. I’m stressed and I want to cry but my brain won’t let me while I’m in company so ig I’m just going to have to suffer more.
#disabled#disability#hypermobility#vent#hypermobile#i am in so much pain#like I’ve felt over the past few days like 1 wrong move and my knee will dislocate and now fucking this#I hate my life sometimes bc why does this shit have to happen to me?
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Book 1 Chapter 15: A Layer of Autumn Rain, A Layer of Coolness
These past few days I have been asking myself why. Why can’t I live and die with him? This is the 48th year of Kangxi. If it cannot be avoided, he will die in the 4th year of Yongzheng’s rein. If I decided to be with him, we could be together for another 16 years.
Doesn’t true love normally go hand in hand with life and death? Liang Shanbo, Zhu Yangtai, Romeo and Juliet? Why did I shed tears, touched by their stories, but hesitated here? Do I love him, or not? Do I love him but not enough? Or do I just want to save him as much as I can because of the accumulated feeling and compassion towards him from over the years?
But I’ve never thought about sharing life and death. Or is it both? I can’t read my own heart and I cannot tell my own feelings.
Beijing in October is one layer of autumn rain and one layer of coolness.
I love the Forbidden City at this time. The palace is shrouded in misty rain, cool and blunt. It added a bit of tenderness and charm, even though I knew everything would remain the same after the drizzle. And now it was just an illusion, but this rare tenderness and charm still makes me often linger in it under an umbrella. The weather is like life. Good fortune and misfortune are unpredictable. Just now it is misty and drizzling when suddenly it rained heavily. The small bamboo umbrella was no longer enough to cover the sky and rain. The hem of my green skirt became soaked. I was busy holding the umbrella and hurried to a pavilion to avoid the rain.
There are other people sheltering from the rain in the pavilion. When I saw who it was I began to regret it. If I had known it was them, I would have rather be drenched in the rain than stand here. But now, I cannot allow myself to retreat.
I didn’t bother to close my umbrella. I placed it on the ground and bowed in greeting. “Eighth Fujin is auspicious. Tenth Fujin is auspicious.” Mingyu turned away, ignoring me. Minghui smiled slightly “Get up.” I stood feeling conflicted in my heart. I wanted to retreat quickly.
“If Fujin doesn’t need anything, this maid will retreat first.”
She didn’t speak, but just stared at me. Since she didn’t speak, I didn’t dare move. Just as she was seeing all of the hairs all over her body, the sound of ‘dongdong’ running came up the side of the corridor.
“Erniang!” Called a child’s voice. [mother/mommy]
I turned my head slightly and saw a young boy of four or five years old, ignoring the maid who chased after him. He threw himself into the arms of Minghui. The eyebrows and eyes are very similar to Eighth, this should be Hongwang. My heart tightened and I lowered my head. I didn’t want to look anymore.
Minghui put her arms around him and said with a smile, “You can’t run like this next time. If you fall, your father would feel sorry for you again. Last time you took advantage of the girls watching you and knocked into a lamp, all because you were feeling playful. You got a few drops of oil on the back of your hand. It wasn’t serious but your father punished all the servants in the house severely that they couldn’t get off the ground for three months.”
I squared down and listened to her words quietly. I hadn’t expected such a scene to be staged so soon. No matter how many times I imagined it in advance, I still felt wronged and embarrassed. I am quiet and alone, why would I mess with them? If this occurred every day how would I live my life?
Hongwang obviously wasn’t listening to his mother. He leaned over in Minghui’s arms and yelled after looking at me. “She looks like my aunt!” [2nd wives and so forth are referred to as aunt by main wife’s children]
“They are sisters. Of course they would resemble each other.” Mingyu said.
Hongwang broke free of Minghui when he heard that and rushed over to kick and scold me. “You are all bad people who make my mother very angry!”
He kicked my knee. I tried to cover myself but he looked so like Eighth. The level of pain increased. Minghui reprimanded him. “What are you doing Hongwang! You haven’t come back yet!”
Mingyu looked at me with a smile. Hongwang continued to ignore Minghui.
“If you bully Erniang, I will bully you!” He looked at me as though he would kick again.
You? This included my sister? What did they do to my sister? The anger in my heart suddenly jumped up.
Since forbearance can’t resolve conflict then why bother? I stood immediately and moved away a few steps from Hongwang.
“It seems Fujin has nothing important to do. This servant will be leaving now.”
Minghui obviously didn’t expect that I would dare stand up without her permission let alone standing up and looking at her while speaking. I was in a daze.
Mingyu laughed dryly. “Sister, I told you a long time ago that she is a savage with no rules. In front of you, her older sister would behave according to the rules, but she is a court lady. So lawless!”
I glanced at her and turned to leave. Minghui called, “Stop! Who said you could leave?”
I looked over at her and said with a three point smile on my face, “The so called state owned state law. The palace is the palace. No matter how humble my status is, I am a member of the Qianqing Palace. If Fujin wishes to punish me, she can tell Li Wenda directly. Li Wenda will follow the rules to deal with disrespectful slaves. Could it be that Fujin actually wants to have a private life here? Blame yourself for beating your slaves.”
Both Minghui and Mingyu were stunned, unable to advance or retreat. Minghui looked at me with hatred in her eyes. I raised my chin and stared back at her, not giving in an inch. The three of us were frozen. Suddenly Minghui and Mingyu stood their expressions changing. They made a greeting for those just behind me.
“Fourth prince is auspicious.”
Hongwang also gave a crisp greeting.
I turned quickly to see Fourth coming in from a side corridor, escorted by two eunuchs. One was holding an umbrella, but the side of his clothes were splashed. It seemed they also came here to escape the sudden and heavy rain. I quickly bowed in greeting.
“Get up.” He said lightly. He glanced over all of our faces.
“Do you have any order for me your highness? If not, I will retire.” I said respectfully.
He watched the pouring rain from outside the corridor a while before saying in a low voice, “Go.”
I watched the heavy rain, just about to leave. Suddenly I remembered my umbrella and hurried back to retrieve it. They all watched me return and I only bowed in greeting to Fourth.
“This servant forgot her umbrella.” I held up the umbrella thinking about the thoughtful expression on Fourth’s face. I was about to go down the steps when I stopped and looked sideways at Minghui.
“Why do you keep using those people who are sincere towards you to bully a person who recites scriptures all day long, and won’t fight back with you?”
She continued to glare with absolute hatred at me, but said with a smile, “Is it interesting to hide behind your back and pretend to be a virtuous man?” After speaking she turned around and walked into the wind and rain without any haste. Feeling all eyes on me, I straightened up and walked away gracefully as if I was walking in an April day.
Walking in the wind, even if you lose, you still have to look pretty. I meandered with my feet stepping on the rainwater soaked ground. The water streaming endlessly and I was the only one left, walking alone in the vast world. The crackling of the rain on the umbrella was endless and endlessly tapping on the ground, knocking on my heart. Soon most of my body was soaked.
How could one small umbrella cover God’s tears? After returning to my house, I soaked in hot water a long time to try to get rid of an oncoming cold. But my nose was still stuffy. Fortunately, I have always taken care of my body and have been in good health, so there was no other discomfort.
I leaned against my couch, wrapped in a quilt, and stared out the window in a daze. The rain had already stopped and the leaves from the osmanthus tree had become thinner. The raindrops dripped intermittently like tears for the others who have left them already.
Someone wandered into my courtyard while I wasn’t paying attention. He saw me in the window and approached. Quickly he shook his head in disapproval and quickly bowed in greeting. “Miss Ruoxi is auspicious!”
Only then did I focus my gaze on him. It was Xiao Shunzi, who had delivered the necklace on the first day of the year. “Get up.” I looked away
Seeing me laying motionless on my couch, he ducked his head. “I brought you something.”
“Take it back. I don’t lack for anything.” I said softly, staring at the sweet scented osmanthus tree.
He looked at me embarrassed, seeing that I was ignoring him. He took out a snuff bottle and placed it on the table by the window and bowed his head. “The young lady speaks with a bit of a sniffle, take some snuff. Sneeze a few times and you will feel refreshed.” He strode off in big strides before I could speak.
It was growing dark and I shivered shrinking into my quilt. My body didn’t want to move. Yutan returned and saw my window was open and rushed in. “My sister was caught in the rain this morning! Why are the windows wide open?” She closed them.
“Too lazy to get up and close them.” I said.
She lit the lamp and casually picked up the snuff bottle and walked around the couch. “It’s such an exquisite thing. The puppies are so vivid. It’s really cute. I heard your voice but you do sound stuffy. You have snuff, so smell it already.”
I shook my head as she pulled the top off. Pulling a pin from her hair, she dipped it into the bottle and extracted some snuff and rubbed it on my fingertips. I sniffed my fingers. The peppery and sour smell rushed to my head and I couldn’t help but sneeze several times in quick succession.
All of a sudden I felt quite refreshed. “This works pretty well!” I said with a smile.
Taking a closer look at the snuff pot, I saw two layers of glaze. The inside was painted with three puppies, fighting each other. Their expressions were lifelike and funny. Interesting.
As I looked at the bottle, I suddenly recalled what had happened this morning with Minghui and Mingyu. I looked closer, the painting taking on a new meaning. The two yellow furred dogs were bullying the white furred dog together. The white dog appeared relaxed and at ease where the yellow dogs looked anxious and annoyed.
I couldn’t help but laugh. That man actually dared compare us with dogs! I don’t know if they had made fun of us, “dog bites dog hair”. I really didn’t know where he had found such a suitable thing. Usually he looked cold and unsmiling! Who knew he was so humorous? Thinking about this had been more interesting and unknowingly, this swept away the unhappiness that had been pent up in my heart all afternoon.
Because of my duty in front of the emperor, a causal cough may bring disaster. Though it is not major, to be cautious, I still asked Li Dequan for leave and had Yutan take over my shift. After pondering it for a long time in my heart, I approached Fang He.
“I have been resting these past few days and there are some things I have to ask Eighth face to face.”
I lay on a bamboo chair, the courtyard door slightly open. A book was on my face. I was basking in the sunshine, eyes closed. There were a few knocks on the door and I removed the book.
“Please enter.”
Eighth entered, pushing the door open, causing it to creak. Closing the door he looked over at me. He glanced over at the warmer and tea set beside me. “It’s good to enjoy.”
“There are so many things to enjoy, if you’re really envious.” I stood up.
He stared at the curling green smoke and was silent for a long while. “Is there any big body? [unclear] How come you don’t know to cherish yourself? Going out for a walk while it’s raining!”
I shook my head. “I invited you here today because I wanted to ask something. According to Hongwang, he seems to seek out my sister and cause trouble for her. Is this true?”
“When did Hongwang say this?” He frowned thinking it over.
“It doesn’t matter when he said it. What matters is what he said.”
“It’s a child’s joke, you’re taking this seriously?” He looked helplessly at me and shook his head.
I stared at him. “Children’s words are the most true.”
“Hongwang occasionally will go to make trouble for Ruolan, but she laughs and assures me that children love to play around and don’t care. You’re asking some serious questions. Why?”
“Hongwang is your child and it is your business to spoil him. But if someone bullies others through a child and you turn a blind eye to this, it’s really too much.” I said lightly.
“How do you know what I do not tell you? How about you? How many things do you know about my household that you could convict me?” He questioned.
With anger in my heart I sneered and said, “I don’t care about about the affairs of your house at all. I just hope you are thinking about my sister who is considered to have missed her life because of you. And protect her well. As for wether or not Hongwang is just child’s nonsense, you’d better figure that out for yourself.”
He flicked his sleeves in annoyance and turned to walk away. He turned back when he got to the door. “What is wrong with us? Wasn’t our relationship good out on the prairie? Why can’t you be like that now? It’s rare that we see each other, why must you quarrel with me?”
I stood silently with my head down, feeling sadness in my heart. There was only you and me on the grasslands no throne, without your wife, without your son. Now there are so many people between us. How could it be the same?
He sighed softly and stretched hand to pull me into his arms. “I’ll ask Hongwang. You just stop being so angry because of child’s words.”
I leaned on his shoulder and didn’t answer.
“If you are so worried about Ruolan, wouldn’t it be better to marry me as soon as possible? Then you could see her every day. With you by her side, who would dare bully the elder sister of ‘Thirteenth younger sister’? Aren’t you afraid of being slapped?” He had asked after a while.
I sighed silently in my heart. Sisters serving the same husband together is a romantic story in their eyes, but it is a thorn in my heart.
He waited quietly and seeing no reaction he asked, “Have you not thought about it yet? I’m so confused by you now. I have no idea what you are thinking at all. I don’t believe you are a coward like people who are waiting for death. Why are you hesitating?”
He raised my head and stared into my eyes and asked slowly, “Are you that unconfident in me? Or do you have other reasons?”
“It’s been a long while since you have been here. It’s time to go back. Give me a little more time will you? Let me think again.” I forced a smile and asked.
He looked at me silently for a while and then sighed. “Ruoxi, I am not Xiang Yu. I will never let you become Concubine Yu.” He turned and left after speaking.
Kangxi had been in great spirits these past few days. On an especially warm and sunny day, he had ordered a table set up in the imperial garden and had fruit and tea served. All of the imperial siblings were out giving the appearance of being happy.
When Kangxi got up and left to change with Li Dequan, the atmosphere shifted. The laughter turned cold, although there was chatter going on to cover up the momentary coldness.
I stood just outside of it all, starting at the golden leaves on the ground. I was wondering when the next chance would come up to be alone with Thirteenth. Minmin had asked that I help her test Thirteenth’s heart, but I had yet to encounter a suitable moment to speak to him. Also, there were some of my own worries that had delayed this as well. I was thinking about this secretly when I suddenly heard several of the brothers laughing. I looked up and saw a curly haired, snow white puppy tugging on Fourth’s robe. It was wagging its tail and flopping around having fun. Fourth looked down at it, not paying any attention. All of the brothers were amused by its appearance.
I pursed my lips and looked at the puppy, laughing. A young girl of thirteen or fourteen ran over in a hurry and suddenly turned pale seeing all the brothers there and the puppy tugging on Fourth’s robes. She fell to her knees and kowtowed.
This should be the palace maid dedicated to taking care of this puppy for her master. She had accidentally let the dog run away by itself and it showed up here.
I took a few steps forward and asked her in a low voice, “Why are you so careless?”
With tears in her eyes, she still held her kowtow.
My heart softened. This child had just entered this cage alone and I wanted to pretend to show this to everyone. Now I had no choice but to do so. I turned to bow to Fourth with an apologetic smile.
“Maid, go and bring the dog away now.” I wanted to step forward and hug the dog.
Fourth lifted his head and looked at me. His face was indifferent, but there was a trace of happiness in his eyes.
I knew why he had a smile in his eyes and a smile in his heart. He had compared me to this little thing so he couldn’t help but glance at the dog and smile.
He smiled again and took another look at me and then back to the dog who wagged its tail. He bent down to pick the dog up and handed it to me.
We both looked at the dog as I took it and pursed our lips into another smile. With the smile still on my face, I turned to hand the puppy back to the maid, who was still kneeling on the ground with her head bowed. She accepted the puppy with a grateful face. I didn’t have the heart to talk about her, but this palace isn’t always so lucky.
Fourth has always liked dogs so he didn’t mind. But if the puppy had bumped into a master that didn’t like dogs next time- it’s not the dog who would be unlucky, but the maid. So I looked at her seriously.
“Today is your luck. If you don’t have a long memory, the next time you will probably lose to a dozen boards. Don’t say you can’t help being beaten even if you can’t bear it.” I whispered to her.
She bit her lip and kowtowed, hugging the dog to herself. “Your servant will remember, there won’t be a next time.” She said with tears in her eyes.
She kowtowed again and got up and left in a hurry.
When I turned back with a smile in my eyes, I caught the gaze of Eighth. His gaze was dark and difficult to distinguish between emotions and anger. The two of us missed each other and I felt my heart tighten. My smile dissipated immediately. Fourteenth watched me with piercing eyes and a half smile. I didn’t dare take a closer look. I walked back to my original position and kept my head down. My mind was foggy and I couldn’t think. What had just happened now while I wasn’t paying attention? Why was there coldness in their eyes?
After Kangxi came back he said he was a bit tired and said the brothers could do whatever they liked. So the elder brothers walked around casually for a while. Li Dequan waited on Kangxi and retreated to Qianqing Palace first. Afterwards I ordered the maids and eunuchs to pack up and I returned to Qianqing Palace.
Before I could exit the imperial garden, I heard hurried footsteps behind me. I paused and turned to glance behind when I was yanked behind a tree. I was slightly startled, but when I saw it was Fourteenth it turned to helplessness. I glanced down at his hand holding my arm.
“Li Wenda is still waiting for my return.”
Fourteenth let go and clenched his hand into a fist. “What is the matter with you and Mynah?”
I remained silent and didn’t answer.
Fourteenth waited a while but saw I wasn’t going to answer. He asked again, “I asked him why he hasn’t asked Royal Father to marry you. But he didn’t answer, he said to ask you, but you are silent. What has happened? Is there something I don’t know?” He was quiet a moment before asking in a tight voice, “You and Fourth were smiling today. Is it another?”
“What happened?”
“You have several fujins, Fourteenth, how much do you know of the affairs between men and women?” I asked helplessly.
“You don’t have to worry about the matter between me and Eighth. As for me and Fourth, are we not allowed to laugh? Aren’t Fourth and I not allowed to laugh about the dog?” I wanted to push him away as I finished speaking, but he didn’t move. I signaled to him to make way.
He stared at me coldly for a long moment before moving aside. “Don’t let Mynah down, or…” Coldness flickered in his eyes.
I was so scared. I rolled my eyes and walked away. I paused after a few steps. Turning back I asked, “Is Tenth in trouble?”
“That’s the excuse for Royal Father. He didn’t come today because of Mingyu. She claimed to not feel well. He is in perfect health.” Fourteenth answered lightly.
I let out a soft “oh” my heart moved slightly. I thought about it and wanted to ask again, but Fourteenth had an angry expression and I swallowed my words. Instead I blessed him and turned and left.
It wasn’t until I was back in my room and laying on my bed that night that I suddenly remembered I hadn’t looked for Thirteenth.
Until winter came, I didn’t respond to Eighth. One day while I was on break, Concubine Liang had a servant call me. He said the flowers I had drawn previously looked good and she wanted me to draw again. I had a guess in my heart and went to Concubine Liang’s palace. Sure enough my sister was already there, but the room wasn’t as warm and comfortable like last time. I didn’t dare lift my head in embarrassment. I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles.
My sister was as usual. “My lord has already told me.” She said softly and took my hand.
It’s not that I haven’t imagined a similar situation, but my sister said such things with a calm tone. At the time I still felt ashamed. My body was stiff and my jaw clenched and sat with my head buried. My sister stretched out her hand to raise my head. But I avoided her hand. She laughed.
“Good sister, are you angry with me or yourself?”
I felt sour.
I reached out to her and threw myself into her arms.
She pulled me into a hug. “If you are angry with yourself, you do not need to be. In fact, the last time I saw you, I had the heart to persuade you that it would be good for you to be with the master. He has a gentle temper and treats his wives and concubines very well. Besides, we sisters would be able to see each other often and be companions.”
“Sister, do you really mind?” I asked sullenly.
She patted me on the back twice and said angrily, “What do you mind? Which brother is not surrounded by three wives and four concubines? Don’t say I don’t care about these things. I care. You are my sister, how can I not care about it. What do you mean?”
I sat silent for a while, but finally couldn’t hold back and asked in a low voice, “If, if… it was that person, do you not mind if he wants another woman?” I quickly raised my head. “I’m talking nonsense, please ignore me!”
My sister didn’t look at me but answered with a sad look on her face. “I don’t know. But as long as it was what he likes and makes him happy, I would be willing. And I believe even if there were others he would still take care of me, love me and treat me well.
She sat silent for a while. Softly, “Emiang [mother] passed away, not long after you were born. So I don’t have any memory.” Although I was very young back then, I had some memories. Father also had a third concubine but I have always treated Emiang well. I still remember you sleeping next to her while I played in the bed. Father sitting on the edge of the bed while I drew eyebrows for her while she was bed ridden.
She and I were silent. It seems as though Ruoxi’s mother had passed away early. But she was still happy for a woman, but what about her two daughters?
My sister was still silent and she looked at me and asked, “What are you thinking? Which man doesn’t have three wives and four concubines? As long as he loves you and pampers you, it’s fine. Where did he come from?” How inexplicably minded! “And having more wives is a good omen!”
I forced a smile and shook my head suddenly thinking of Minghui and asked solemnly, “Did Minghui ever deceive you or hurt you?”
My sister smiled and said, “I recite my scriptures by myself, when did she bully me?”
I stared into her face. “Don’t coax me. I know Hongwang bullies you.”
She laughed. “Children always have fits and starts. Let him go and make trouble. Why worry about it?”
I looked at her. You don’t mind it because you don’t care at all. You don’t care.
Seeing my dazed expression my sister asked softly, “You are not too young. If you choose the right time let me go and beg Royal Father. Getting married early is the real thing.”
Later, my sister tried to persuade me again, but I didn’t listen at all. When I walked out of Concubine Liang’s palace, my head was still heavy.
That night I tossed and turned until midnight, unable to fall asleep. Eighth had sent my sister. It seems I must give an answer.
The scene in the heavy rain kept replaying in front of my eyes. Do I want to be jealous with Minghui in the future?
I can’t do it! I can’t face my sister frankly and I can’t give up my dignity. Dealing with several women and turn around and still have a romantic relationship with him.
He has his own ambitions and cannot give up the throne. He is a father who loves his son. He already has four women by his side, one of them my sister. None of these things can be changed by me. If I marry him, I can only be destined to be unhappy. If I am not happy, how can happiness exist between us?
I can’t just laugh it off like my sister. Eighth rarely visits my sister’s courtyard, so conflicts cannot be avoided. If I really entered the door, one can imagine the conflicts, big and small, will follow. If something like what happened last time occurs, I definitely won’t be able to bear the tone. But at that time I still had Qing Palace because of my identity. Eighth Fujin cannot do anything to me. But if I enter the house I am a young man and she is an old man. The first thing I will have to do when I enter the house is to kowtow to her and offer tea. From then on, only she can sit and talk and I have to stand and listen.
In a conflict, Eighth can stand on my side, but with more and more conflicts, won’t he become impatient? No. When I understand why other people can live happily, I always hold back. He is anxious about things in court, with a bad head he will come home to deal with another war in the home. What’s more, I can only rely on his little love. Minghui has the backing of a whole family. And he wants to rely on her to win the throne. Can Eighth really stand by my side?
My grievances, his incomprehension, can there really be happiness in the long run? The limited relationship between us two may be consumed by such trivial things. If I marry him regardless of life and death, what I would want would be the short term happiness between us. But I can’t see the slightest happiness after marrying him. All I see is the feelings gradually disappear and fade in real life.
If his head were to be severed tomorrow, I would jump on it without hesitation. The moment is burning is eternal, but with thousands of days ahead, I am afraid that the sparks in our two hearts will be extinguished. In the end they will be ashes. There was no burning love between Anna Karenina and Vronsky, but one when encountering reality, when a man’s love is exhausted, Vronsky can return to the upper class by turning around. Anna had no choice but to commit suicide by lying on the rails. My god, so rational! So sober! How can she analyze her feelings like this? I think because you are already Ruoxi, so you are still Zhang Xiao.
I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. The laughter continued, but gradually turned into a low whimper.
The first snow this winter fell for two consecutive days before it cleared up in the morning. For some reason, I feel that this year is extremely cold. I wear layers of clothes, but I still don’t feel warm. Facing Eighth, I felt the chill from my heart to my fingertips.
Trembling, I wrapped my cloak tighter around myself. I tried to open my mouth several times but fell silent again. He kept looking at the sideways pine branches that were weighted down because of snow, a calm look on his face. I bit my lip, knowing that there was no further delay. Now that I have made my decision, I shouldn’t delay others.
“For the last time, will you agree to my request?” I looked at his profile and asked sadly. He stared at me quietly, a hint of sadness in his eyes, and there seemed to be a faint hatred. I didn’t dare look at him anymore and lowered my head, closing my eyes. “Tell me the answer. I want you to tell me yourself. Answer yes or no.”
“Ruoxi, why? Why do you force me? Why do I have to choose between the things that can coexist?”
“I just asked you, agree or not?”
“��……..”
“No promise?”
“………..”
I smiled bitterly. I tried my best to hold you, but you have your own choices and persistence. I thought about it and stared into his sad eyes mixed with hatred. “You must be careful of Fourth.”
The hatred in his eyes dissipated and he looked at me in bewilderment. I thought about it and then said, “There is also Wu Sidao, along Kedo, Nian Gengyao, Tien Jingwen, Li Wei. You have to be more careful.”
I know so many of Yongzheng’s cronies, but I’m not sure if I’m correct. I just hope those tv series were not making up randomly. I lowered my head and took a deep breath.
“From now on, you and I will have nothing to do with each other!”
I ran away after I finished speaking. Behind me I heard him wail, “Ruoxi!”
I froze. He said, “I am a person who is greedy for life and death and I am not worth saving.”
I ran wildly after finishing speaking. From now on, you and I are strangers! Why can’t you promise me? Why do you have to fight for the throne? If I can’t save your life, what’s the point of me marrying you? What’s the point? I knew you wouldn’t agree, but I deceived myself into asking again.
I staggered all the way. My feet went limp and I fell to the ground. This time there was no one around to reach out and support me. My face was buried in the snow and my body was cold, my heart even colder. I wanted to get up but my feet suddenly hurt and I lay in the snow again. I didn’t care to take a look at the injury, but felt the pain in my heart. I just lay in the snow, my face pressed into the snow, motionless. I was just thinking of him, wearing black martin lined cloak and a wide black bamboo hat, walking slowly by my side with snowflakes in the sky. The curtain is like yesterday, but today is so close.
“Who is there? Why are you lying in the snow?” Hearing Thirteenth I felt sad, however, my body didn’t move.
Thirteenth reached out to support me, horror on his face. He brushed the snow off my face and head. “Ruoxi, what’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?” He checked me over.
Fourth was standing next to him just as surprised. I ignored their surprise and whispered to Thirteenth, “Send me back.”
Thirteenth quickly asked, “Can you go?”
I shook my head. My feet hurt when I tried to stand on them. I must not be able to walk anymore.
He thought for a while and looked back to Fourth and leaned down. “I’ll carry you back.”
I didn’t have time to think about it and nodded and supported myself. I just wanted to lay on my back. But Fourth took a big step and stretched out his hand to support me.
“Go and call someone. Ask them to bring a rattan drawer to bring her back. How can there be any reason for a royal to carry a maid? It will only attract unnecessary trouble. Even if you are injured, you are not in a hurry.”
Thirteenth straightened quickly when he heard this and said, “I am in a hurry, so I didn’t think carefully.” He left in a hurry.
I stood on one foot, by the strength of Fourth’s support. My mind was numb, as if I had been thinking a lot, and it seems that I haven’t thought of anything.
It turned out my heart was unbearable no matter how rational I was. Analysis does not relieve the pain of the heart.
Fourth has been standing besides me quietly. Just as I was grieving and aching, I heard him say, “If you really want to abuse yourself, you’d better close the door.”
“You don’t have to do this in front of others since you may be disturbed and obstructed by others. And you won’t be able to enjoy yourself if you have to make a confession.”
My numbed mind slowly thawed. It took me a while to understand the meaning of his words. Just now I was still ashamed, but now I suddenly became angry and wanted to shake off his hand, but his arm didn’t move at all and his hand was still on my arm.
I stared at him and he looked at me unmoved.
“Do you want to sit in the snow?” He asked quietly. He moved his arm, letting me go.
I still couldn’t use my legs. One leg was a little stiff again and there was no support. My body shook a bit and I fell to the snow. I couldn’t believe it and looked at him angrily. No one has ever treated me like this!
He looked down at me calmly. I was out of breath and grabbed a handful of snow from the ground and threw it at him. He turned slightly and avoided it. I quickly made another snow ball and threw it at him. He dodged again. He looked at me mockingly while I sat in a panic on the ground.
“I can lie still in the snow, but now I’ll let you sit for a while. What can’t you bear?” I stared at him hatefully.
With a sneer on his lips, he said, “Look at you now. Do you still expect other people to pity you?
I held the snow in my hand, but I knew it would be useless to throw it. I hate him so much, but I have nothing to do with him.
“Why are you sitting in the snow?” Thirteenth asked in confusion as he walked over quickly to help me stand. He looked suspiciously over at Fourth.
Fourth was calmly directing the two eunuchs who came with Thirteenth. The eunuch helped me to sit on the rattan drawer. Thirteenth told them to send me back and to have an imperial doctor come check on me.
I snuck a peek at Fourth. He was watching Thirteenth and the eunuchs with an indifferent expression and didn’t glance back at me. The eunuchs passed them with the rattan drawer. Taking advantage of this I threw the snowball hard at Fourth’s robe hem. In fact I wanted to hit him. On the face, there really is no bear heart and leopard’s courage. But even so, the anger in my heart dissipated.
Thirteenth let out a cry behind me and started laughing. I couldn’t help but turn my head slightly to take a peek. He was looking at the snow on the hem of Fourth’s robes and laughed. Confused he quickly turned his head.
As the anger faded away, I felt the pain in my feet. But the pain in my heart hurt even more. I have nothing to do with it again…
I thought about this sentence again and again when I was on the grassland, but there was always some hope left. I didn’t think that the world would be like this. I thought I would give up my stubbornness and endure the sisters serving one husband. Embarrassed, trying to please him in different ways that may be able to win his heart. But in the end, he will not stay for me.
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Breaking up Part 2 Albedo x gn!reader
Sorry it took so long! Haha. Yeah tumblr effed over for me. But here it is! :D
Scenario: Breaking up and getting back together again
Characters: gn! reader x Albedo
Warnings: angst, break ups, regrets, did I say angst? NOT PROOFREAD
Categories: angst in Part 1, comfort in Part 2 (It was getting too long so split it into two parts)
Read: (Part 1) (Part 3 - Final)
“Sucrose... Do you know where Y/N went?”
5 days 3 hours and 12 minutes. He’d been counting. He’d been counting since you left. It was only today that he had the courage to ask Sucrose about it.
Sucrose jumps at the sudden call of her name.
Albedo had not been the same. The frequent mistakes in the lab proved it. The constant slips of the hand and test tubes shattering on the floor told Sucrose that perhaps that was how his heart looked like too.
“...No, I don’t,” Sucrose simply says, then lets the silence of the lab fill the air. Only the bubbles from their experiments hanging. It was still for a moment, Sucrose going back to her calculations and research. Albedo sat in front of his alchemy set, blankly staring at it.
He doesn’t even understand what being “tired” feels like anymore. He hasn’t had a decent sleep. Every small movement in the house, every whisper of the wind he would bolt up in bed, thinking it was you coming in from the front door. Sometimes he would hear someone shuffling, he would stop and listen for you, but then realizes that the sound was the sound of his legs under the covers, trying to keep warm without you around.
Sucrose glances up at her mentor. He’s buried his face in his hands, his hair in slight disarray. She knew what was going to happen next. He was going to stand up and just walk away from the lab, and Sucrose was not going to see him until tomorrow again.
Tomorrow, the cycle would repeat.
Albedo couldn’t function. It was pathetic. He really thought that he must be such a sight right now, eyes heavy with exhaustion, hair down and clothes a little unruly. He ran away from the lab again. He abandoned his “important” experiment and went back home, retreating in his room, falling on his knees and slumping on the bed in front of him.
He buried his face into his arms and tried to piece his heart back together.
“Albedo, will you ever get tired of me?”
There was a soft hint of a frown on your face. Silly you, Albedo thought. Always worried about being apart from him. He only smiles and cups your chin in his hand, leans in close to press his forehead against yours to whisper, “Never,”
His fists clutch at the bedsheets, the fabric scrunching up under his hands. Every.damn.time. he tried to take a break, he would be reminded of you. Every thing reminded him of you. Breathing reminded him of you. It was as if you were right beside him and yet you weren’t.
It was him. He was supposed to be the one asking “Y/N, will you ever get tired of me?” He was supposed to be the one worried. But he hadn’t been because he had taken you for granted. He thought that you’d always just be there, waiting for him patiently as you always had but now that he was alone, he realized just how lonely this silence could be.
“You must have been lonely...waiting here for me in this silence...”
His voice was muffled by the sheets, and he didn’t know who he was talking to. He did that a lot these days. Saying things that he wished you could still hear.
The next day, just as Sucrose predicted. It was the same. Halfway through his experiment Albedo stopped, and stared at nothing in particular. She wondered if, whenever he did that, he remembered the things he said to you that day.
But, just as Sucrose thinks today would end up the same...
it didn’t.
“Big brother Albedo!” Klee stormed into the lab, the door slamming open really loud. “Oh...I’m sorry, I didn’t check the sign... I...” Klee stepped out to look at the door sign and found “KEEP OUT” still there. “Oh no...! I did a mistake! Sorry big brother,” the little girl fumbled with her fingers and swung from side to side to show her apology.
A hint of a smile appears on Albedo’s face and Sucrose was thunderstruck. There had been no expression on the Kreideprinz’s face for the longest time that the smile had felt so foreign. “It’s alright, Klee. Do you need help with something?” and his voice wasn’t hoarse. If there was anything that could cheer him up, it would be Klee.
He was done prioritizing his research over the people that really mattered.
“Look what I got! I’ve never seen such a pretty flower in Mondstadt before,” Klee showed off the blue flower to Albedo, eyes shining and wide. Albedo touched the petals as Klee held it up for him. “Ah, yes, Glaze Lilies. You can only find them in Liyue, Klee,” Albedo explains. Klee bounces excitedly.
“Ohhhh! That’s amazing! Y/N must have travelled there recently!”
The silence in the lab was deafening. Albedo’s hand drops from the flower as he looks at Klee, confused. Sucrose had stopped what she was doing, wide-eyed, staring at the young bomber. “...What do you mean, Klee?” Albedo whispered out.
Hearing your name said by someone else made it all the more real that you weren’t here with him anymore.
“Oh! See, Klee was in Windrise and... I was looking at the fishes...” Klee gasped a little, “Please don’t tell Master Jean!” she whispered pointedly but continued. “I saw Y/N there, and Y/N gave me a really big hug and gave me this Guh lays Lily,” the young girl got the name wrong, but Albedo hadn’t been listening anymore. He stood up and crouched down to eye level with Klee, hands on her shoulders. “W-When, Klee?” he clears his throat and tries again, “When did this happen?” Sucrose had also been listening and watching in bated breath. Klee gave one of her biggest, most innocent smiles, not knowing how crucial this information had been to Albedo. “Just now! I just came back from Windrise!”
Albedo didn’t feel the slightest sorry that he bolted out of the lab without explaining to Klee. She would understand and Surcrose was there. He sprinted towards the gates of Mondstadt like his life depended on it. In some senses, it really did.
I can make it.
He was panting hard. His footsteps thundering in his ears. His breath coming in quick ins and outs. His heart is about to fly off its cage.
I can make it. It’s just outside of Mondstadt.
Wind rushes past him, the pigeons on the bridge outside of Mondstadt, disturbed, flying away in a frenzy. Timmie shouting after him.
Please be there. Please.
It takes him longer than he wanted. He wanted to be faster, wanted to be there already but he was still running. Still chasing after that hope. The adrenaline he feels pumps in his veins and yet he is so out of breath that he needs to stop. His hands resting on his knees as he closes his eyes and tries to get his breathing even.
I have to keep going.
His legs were killing him. They were strained by the sudden rush of exercise and yet he still drags both towards Windrise. He could see the large tree at the horizon, but he was too far away to see if you were there. He continues to pant, steadying his breath, preparing for another burst of energy to run towards where he so desperately hoped you were. What if you weren’t there anymore?
What if he was too late?
What if he never saw you again?
“What if it doesn’t work...?” Albedo asks, pondering over the research and discussing it with you over dinner. He loved to talk about his experiments with you because you gave valuable insights on it, and really listened to him. You smile and give him the confidence that he needs, “Then you can try again, Bedo. You always find a way!”
He’s still panting by the time he reaches the steps leading up to the large tree. His eyes dart around. He circles around in place, wondering if you were around the area. He continues forward, stepping up to the big roots and yet again looked around, trying to spot your familiar tuft of hair/colour.
At the corner of his eye he spots something, behind the big tree. A Crystalfly. It was flying away and his eyes automatically follow it. There was a hand trying to reach out for it, but it barely grazed the Crystalfly’s wings. You stepped out from behind the tree, a little annoyed that you couldn’t catch the Crystalfly.
Albedo feels like he’s frozen in time. He stands there and watches the wind caress your hair. Watches as you tuck your hair back behind your ear. Watches as you turn around and start walking away. He snaps back to reality and moves forward, roots and sticks cracking under his feet as he struggles through the root laden path just to get near you.
You, hearing the disturbance from behind, turn around and was met face to face with the lover you left a few days ago. Something shatters inside you. You weren’t ready for this. You were far from ready to see him again. Why was he out here in the middle of the day? You stood still just as he did in front of you.
You notice how his hair is sticking to his face with sweat. The fast rise and fall of his chest. The pained look in his eyes. The closed up fists on his side. “Y/N--” his voice cracks and tears start to pool in your eyes.
You aren’t strong enough for this and you start to turn away.
Albedo rushes forward to trap you in a hug. His arms so desperately wrapped around you as his head rests on your shoulder. “Don’t,” he pleads. “Please don’t go. Come back with me, please,” there’s a different type of hopelessness in his voice. A moment later tears are streaming down your face.
“I-I can’t Albedo. I--” can’t put myself through that again. I can’t and don’t want to be alone at home all the time.
His body shakes and you realize it’s a sob that wracks his body. Your shoulder is slightly wet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please.” You’ve never seen him cry. Not like this. Not as he clings to you and admits defeat. “I...I couldn’t take care of you--It’s my fault. I know, but--”
“I like Windrise. It’s very relaxing.” You say as the two of you walk around the tree, collecting materials. “Is it?” Albedo responds, stopping momentarily to look up at the tree. “You don’t think so?” you curiously ask your lover. He ponders for a moment before smiling, “I think coming home to you is a lot more relaxing,” at the early stages of your relationship hearing something like that from him would cause you to blush.
You pry his arms away and look up at him. His head is dipped low and you can’t see his face clearly, concealed by his hair. You brush his hair away and lift his head up, and you see how streaks of tears run down his cheeks. You see the sleepless nights in his eyes. The hurt that creases on his forehead. You see what your absence has done to him, and all in one moment, you think that perhaps you were too harsh on him. That you should’ve talked it out instead of leaving so abruptly but you-- “I was hurt...” your lips tremble as you try to explain.
“I try, really hard, to make things easier for you. To care about you. I have never asked for anything grand.” You’re surprised at how level your voice is, despite feeling like you might break down just as he does.
“I’m aware,” Albedo wipes at his face, frustrated at himself. His tears have stopped. You were talking. That must be a good sign. “I don’t--Don’t deserve you,” but he steels himself and places his hands on your cheeks. God how long had it been since he touched you like this? and wipes away the tears that were silently falling from your eyes. “But I’ll take care of you. I’ll prove your worth. I... won’t make the same mistake again,”
And when Albedo said or promised something he was one of the few people that you believed in the most. He was trustworthy all the way, and was true to most of what he said. “You have my word... and if I do make the same error again then... Then you can leave. But right now I--” he moves to rest his forehead against yours, taking in the warmth and love that he had missed. “I’m asking for another chance,” he gulps. “Please,”
You stay quiet for a moment. Assessing the situation. But your eyes close at the closeness the two of you are in right now. There was no doubt that you still loved him. A few days would not change anything. A few days would not ruin the years that you spent together. But you were scared and guarded. You weren’t sure what would happen and if it was worth it. You were scared of being with him and being lonely. “...We... should talk and think a little bit more about this...” you conclude and give your answer, stepping away from him.
Albedo’s face grimaces in distraught, but turns into confusion when you take his hand and tugs on it slightly. “...At home, we can talk about this at home...Is that okay? Let’s go back first,” you would figure it out with him from there.
His head drops and he tries hard not to let tears escape again. He really didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve this kindness but he sure as hell would take it. He would take it and make it right again. He picks his head up and squeezes your hand, voice slightly soft and trembling, and smiles.
“Thank you. That’s perfect,”
and with his hand tight on yours, because he wasn’t letting you go again, the two of you make your way back.
Should I make a part 3 with fluff and write about the aftermath and how Albedo made it up to you? Let me know :D Message me :D Love me <3
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⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆
Chapter 1
Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.
Rating : 21+
Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )
Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .
~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 2
No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is.
When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.
Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.
Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.
It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.
I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?
I glanced at the article again.
The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.
I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.
And then my eyes reached the end of the article.
Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.
I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.
But it was impossible.
It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.
I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.
I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.
I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.
But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.
And then Jungkook had happened.
Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .
But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.
Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.
A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.
I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.
Showtime, I thought with a grimace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.
“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”
My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.
With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.
Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.
“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.
I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.
“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely. She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.
“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.
“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.
“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.
“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.
“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while. We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”
His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.
How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?
“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.
“is that a problem?” he asked.
I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.
“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.
The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.
“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.
“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.
“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.
“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.
“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.
“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.
“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.
“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.
“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”
I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.
“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .
“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”
“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.
“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.
“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.
“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”
I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.
“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.
“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.
“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”
He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.
“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.
Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.
“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.
“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.
“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .
“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.
“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.
I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.
“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.
But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..
The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.
“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”
I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.
Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.
“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.
“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .
“I’d carry you.” He said simply.
“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.
“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”
“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”
His gaze dipped to my lap.
“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.
“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”
And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.
Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.
I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.
It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called Jungkook that evening.
It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.
He picked up on the third ring.
“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.
“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.
“Are you sleeping?”
He didn’t reply for a few minutes.
“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”
“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.
“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .
Silence followed for a few seconds.
“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.
Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.
“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.
“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.
Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.
“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.
Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.
“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong. She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”
God I wanted to strangle him.
“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.
“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”
I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.
“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”
“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.
I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.
“Okay.” I said simply.
“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.
“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.
“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements and you have to have a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”
Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?
“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.
“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”
“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.
“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.
“Yes.” I sighed.
“Alright.”
Silence again. I exhaled shakily.
“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.
“Good night, Jungkook.”
Click.
I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.
She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.
Well, so did I.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth always surprised you.
“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.
“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.
He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.
“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.
“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.
“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.
“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.
“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.
“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.
“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.
“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”
“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.
My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.
“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”
Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.
“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.
“You remember.” I said, pleased.
“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”
“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.
“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.
“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”
“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”
I shook my head.
“Oppa…”
“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.
I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.
But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.
“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.
Namjoon grinned.
“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.
“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.
“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.
He laughed.
“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have a nice picnic.”
“Namjoon, I can’t…”
“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”
It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.
I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.
/Jungkook called me back almost at once.
“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.
“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.
“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.
“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.
“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”
I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?
“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.
Oh.
“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.
“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.
“No. Why?”
“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.
“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.
“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.
“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.
“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”
I stayed quiet and so did he.
“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.
“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”
I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.
“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .
Jungkook didn’t reply.
“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.
I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.
“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.
“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.
“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.
“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.
“That’s nice. You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.
After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.
“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”
I frowned a bit.
“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”
Another pause.
“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.
“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.
“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”
Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.
“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”
“I need to go.”
“Alright.”
“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loneliness .
It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.
It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,
Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.
And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.
I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .
Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.
Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.
“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.
Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.
Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.
“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .
“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.
“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.
“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.
Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.
“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”
I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.
“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.
“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”
I nodded.
“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”
“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”
I leaned back to stare at him.
“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.
Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.
“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.
My heart turned over inside me.
“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.
“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.
“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.
“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”
I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.
“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”
He smiled and nodded.
“Alright then.”
“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.
“What?”
“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“
“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.
It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.
“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept
Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.
Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.
“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.
It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.
Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.
Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.
I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.
“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.
She didn’t reply.
I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.
“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”
She looked away.
“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.
“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”
Lisa didn’t respond.
“Jungkook knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.
“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.
“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.
“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”
She stared down at her feet.
“Yes. I’m greedy..” She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”
She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.
“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.
I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.
“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.
I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.
“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.
“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.
“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.
“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.
“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”
“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.
“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.
“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.
“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.
Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.
The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s
I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone, simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.
He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.
“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.
“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.
“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”
I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.
“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”
“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.
“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.
“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.
“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.
“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.
“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”
Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.
“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.
“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“
“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.
I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.
“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.
“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”
Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.
Sighing, I nodded.
“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”
“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.
I nodded.
“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”
“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.
Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.
“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”
“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”
“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”
I stared at him, biting my lips.
“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”
It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.
The smile faded.
“What?”
“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.
“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.
“Jungkook , I…”
“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“
“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “ All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.
I stared at him, horrified.
“Jungkook….”
“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”
My throat went dry.
“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”
“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.
“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“
“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.
Jungkook went completely still.
I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.
I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .
He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.
“ A girl?” He whispered.
I bit my lips, nodding.
“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.
“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.
Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.
I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.
I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.
“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to.
I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.
“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg.
ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it.
#jungkook smut#jungkook fics#bts smut fics#bts smut#jungkook arranged marriage#bts arranged marriage au#bts fanfic#bts smut fic#bts fics
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Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17
Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17
Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader
Rating: R for language and smut.
Words: ~3300 words.
Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.
Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost…
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16
Part 17
Billy couldn’t stop gawking at you, wondering how it was possible you grew more beautiful each time he saw you. The red wrap dress you were wearing accentuated all your curves, and it took every bit of willpower he had not to rip it off of you and fuck you senseless right then and there. Unfortunately, he had to behave himself. Caravan was a pretty bouji place that had recently been labelled as one of the hottest restaurants in Manhattan and he had to pull a few strings to get a last-minute reservation for tonight. But seeing the smile on your face when you realized this was where you were dining had been completely worth all the hassle.
As the hostess guided the two of you to your table, he noticed a few assholes at the bar admiring you from afar. Immediately he snaked his arm around your waist to draw you in closer. You were his. If he could he’d pluck out every one of those fuckers’ eyes so they never made the mistake of looking at you again. Better yet, he’d keep you locked behind closed doors. Of course you wouldn’t agree to anything like that because you were too goddamn independent for your own good.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, taking a seat at your designated table.
Billy’s attention returned to your face as he followed suit, his gaze inhaling you in. “You look too hot. Too many assholes staring at you,” he grumbled.
The worried look on your face was replaced with a beaming smile, one that made his cock twitch.
“You’re being ridiculous” you remarked, scanning the menu.
His eyes drifted down to your chest, the swell of your soft, supple breasts just begging to be kissed and licked by him.
“Stop staring at my boobs, Billy,” you chastised even as a small smile graced your lips. “This is a proper first date. You can’t just ogle me like that. You have to behave like a gentleman.”
He quirked his eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I’ve never been that.”
“Well, try,” you ordered.
The waitress came by with the bottle of red wine you’d requested and poured some in both of your glasses. He noticed the redhead giving him a friendly smile, her green eyes lingering on him for a second too long. Fine, yeah, she may have been hot but she wasn’t you. No one was. So while he would have happily slipped her his number in the past, now the idea of being with someone who wasn’t you no longer excited him.
Once she left, he took the opportunity to move a few inches closer to you. What he really wanted was to get on his knees and bury his head between your legs, but something told him eating you out in in the crowded restaurant wouldn’t go over very well with you.
“I think she likes you.”
Hand propped on the back of your chair, he started playing with your hair. “Who?”
“Our waitress. She didn’t look at me once, her eyes were on you the entire time.”
He leaned in, ecstatic at the thought of you acting possessive. Even though you’d confessed to having feelings for him, Billy still worried you were ready to bolt at any moment. To see you jealous meant you genuinely cared and he didn’t have to worry about you leaving him. “She’s not my type. I have my eyes on someone else.”
You made a show of looking around the restaurant. “Oh, is Madani here too?”
“Funny,” he retorted, taking your hand in his.
“Your ginger’s lucky. I’m dressed way too nice or I’d take my knife and stab her with it.”
He smirked. “You’re vicious when you’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous. I just don’t like bad service.”
“Bullshit.”
“Billy, you’re hot. You know that. All the women here are checking you out. If I freaked out every time someone did that, I’d have a breakdown.”
He wanted to destroy the fucking world at the thought of someone even looking at you but apparently you were simply ambivalent about him. “So it’s that easy for you? Your brain tells you to turn off a feeling and your heart just does it?” Even to his own ears he sounded bitter. “Guess you’re not all that invested in me.”
Your eyebrow quirked up, apparently surprised by his edgy tone. “Do you want me to go nuts?”
“Just want you to give a damn.”
“You think I don’t?” you snapped. “Every time she looks at you I want to tear her hair out. Even though the rational part of me knows she’s probably just flirting with you because it’s part of her job or she’s hoping for big tips. Or maybe she really does want to fuck you. Either way, I want to punch her across the face. Happy?” You gulped down your wine.
Grinning, he squeezed your hand. “Then why not just tell me that? Why act like you don’t care?”
The agitated expression on your face was replaced with tenderness, your eyes soft. “Just because I don’t have a jealous fit doesn’t mean I don’t care. I just…” You exhaled a sigh, and he sensed this was difficult for you. “I express my emotions differently than you.”
“I noticed. You put on an act while holding everything in.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“But I want you, the real you, not the version everyone else sees.”
“It’s not that easy, Billy.”
He brought your palm to his lips. “I’d never told anyone about my mother.”
“You didn’t tell me either,” you pointed out.
“You found out anyway, and I’m so fucking glad you did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have realized I could be real with you.” He placed a tender kiss on your skin. “I don’t want to hide anything from you, Y/N.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Then tell me about William Rawlins.”
Your request gave him pause, his eyes roaming over your face. He’d taken painstaking measures to keep his partnership with Rawlins a secret yet you’d discovered it. “What do you want to know?”
“He gave you a lot of money.”
“I earned that money,” he said in a defensive tone. “He and I were partners for a while. Then he died.”
“You went to a lot of trouble to hide your connection to him.”
“You found out about it though.”
You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m good at what I do.”
“Yeah, too good,” he muttered. He released your hand, watching you intently. “So what do you want to know?”
You leaned in closer, your voice barely above a whisper. He was momentarily distracted by the sensation of your tits pressed against him but he forced himself to concentrate.
“What happened to Rawlins, did you have anything to do with it?”
Billy took a swig of his wine. “Why do you think that?”
You quirked your eyebrow at him. “Knifed by someone in the parking lot. They never found the guy who did it.”
“He had a lot of enemies,” he pointed out.
“Okay, so maybe I was wrong.”
He studied you for several seconds, trying to decide if he should take the leap or not. “You’re not wrong.”
Realization dawned on your face as the truth set in. “Why did you do it?”
“You sure you want to know?”
“I’m asking, aren’t I?”
So he told you, about Operation Cerberus, his role in it and the money he earned, how he’d eliminated Rawlins a year ago when the prick plotted to take out Frank and his family. To this day Frank didn’t know about Billy’s partnership with Rawlins or how close he came to dying and he intended to keep it that way.
Throughout his confession his eyes were glued to your face, gauging your reactions. The part of him determined to do anything to be a success, the one who didn’t let society’s morals get in the way of his ambitions, would never be accepted by his closest friends. Despite the myriad of reasons to have kept that side of himself hidden, he didn’t want to do that with you. Because as risky as it was to be so open with you, it was also exhilarating. There was no one in this world he’d ever been this honest with and that kind of intense connection with you was addictive. He wanted you to know everything about him, all of the dark and vicious thoughts that ran through his head, the burning ambition that kept pushing him forward. He wanted you to know him inside and out and he wanted the same from you.
Before he could prod you to speak your mind the server came by with your dishes, setting your meals on the table. The redhead took her time, all the whilst your gaze was focused on the table, avoiding his. Billy’s heart started to pound in his chest, he was suddenly filled with doubt. Had he made a mistake in telling you the truth? Did he just completely fuck this up? Every second the goddamn redhead lingered at the table felt like an eternity when all he wanted was to shake you out of your stupor.
The second the server left, he moved in on you. “Are you gonna say something?”
You finally looked at him, your forehead burrowed. “We need to do a better job of hiding your history with Rawlins. I found it, that means someone else can too.”
“You gonna help me with that?”
You shook your head ‘yes’. “Yeah, I have to. You need me.”
“What I did doesn’t bother you?”
You exhaled a heavy sigh. “Of course it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it. You’ve seen me at my worst and you didn’t judge me. I won’t do that to you either. Besides, when the universe deals you a shitty hand you’ve got to find other ways to even out your odds.”
A strange feeling of warmth flooded over him, compelling him to angle forward and kiss you on the lips.
You pulled away a second later, smiling at him as you rubbed the corner of his mouth. “This lipstick isn’t kiss-proof.”
“I don’t care.” Wicked visions of you flashed through his mind. Your bold red lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him off the way he liked it. His cum spread over your tits, your neck, your lips. The taste of your sweet, delicious cunt on his tongue as he fucked you with his mouth. The heat of your tongue against his as he rammed into you over and over-
“Stop looking at me like that,” you warned.
“Then stop looking so hot,” he snarked.
You smiled, biting down on your bottom lip.
It blew his mind how sweet and shy you were when he paid you compliments, like you didn’t expect that from him. Obviously he needed to fix that, because you deserved to know how insanely beautiful you were all the time.
“Has Anvil been okay without Rawlins?” you asked, taking a bite out of your butternut squash ravioli.
Swallowing his steak, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It was tough for a while but we’ve been doing pretty well the last few months.”
“You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Billy. You took a big risk going into business for yourself and you made it work. That’s amazing. I could never do that.”
Billy’s insides radiated with happiness. Other than Curtis and Frank he never really had people who genuinely believed in him so to have you cheering him on was exalting. Especially considering you were great at what you did and he had so much respect for you.
He poured himself and you more wine before reaching for your hand again. “I think you could. You’d make a shitload of money if you freelanced.”
You shook your head ‘no’. “No way, I’m too much of a coward to take a risk like that.” You took a sip of your wine. “Plus I get to go to Paris for work.”
“Or you could go to Paris on vacation and not work.”
“Then I’d have to pay for it,” you pointed out, grinning. “When you grow up the way I did, you learn to appreciate free things.”
Your enthusiasm was infectious, he couldn’t hep but smile back. A part of him was hoping this would be the perfect opening for you to talk more about your childhood, about everything you went through, because he desperately wanted you to trust him as much as he trusted you with his secrets.
“I’ll be there for two weeks,” you continued, oblivious to his disappointment. “We’re going to scout out locations for the new branch and-”
“We?” Billy interjected.
You cast him a quick glance. “Roger’s coming with me on the trip.”
The jealousy that struck him felt like a swift kick to his gut. Images of you and that goddamn bastard traipsing around and enjoying romantic date nights in Paris assaulted his mind. Agitated, he pulled his hand from yours. “I bet that fucker can’t wait to be alone with you.”
“Billy, come on. You can’t be serious.”
“How would you feel if I took off with someone who wanted to fuck me?”
“First of all, he doesn’t want me.”
His jaw clenched with frustration as he glared at you. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s thought about fucking you.”
“Even if he does, I don’t want him.” You reached out to cup his face, your voice so soft and tender in your attempts to placate him that he momentarily forgot how upset he was. “You really think I’d jeopardize what we have for a fling with Roger? I wouldn’t do that.”
“Then don’t go. Turn him down.”
Irritation flickered over your face, he could tell you were done coddling him. “Billy, you have no right to ask me that. I’d never interfere with your work.”
Underneath all that jealousy he knew you were right. As much as he despised the idea of you going away to Paris with another guy, he couldn’t demand that you not go on work trips. If you did that to him, it would annoy the fuck out of him. Yet despite his rational side recognizing he was asking for too much, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. “That asshole’s gonna make a move on you, I know it.”
“What if he does? What do you think is gonna happen?”
Hs eyes met yours, urgently seeking some kind of validation from you. “You tell me.”
“Do you think I’m going to sleep with him?”
He flinched. “Don’t talk about fucking another guy, please. You’re gonna make me lose my appetite.”
You took his hand and placed it over your left breast, probably to distract him from all the disgusting images that were running through his brain. “I wanted you so badly and even then it took me like a month to fuck you. Trust me, I’m not going to sleep with him when I’m not even attracted to him.”
Spotting the earnestness in your eyes, the knot in his stomach finally loosened. Roger may have had a hard-on for you but Billy knew you felt nothing for the fucker. He’d noticed that even at the night of the gala. So that meant he had to trust you, there was no reason not to. “Call me every night when you’re there,” he grumbled.
“Every night? You’re probably going to start blocking my calls,” you laughed.
He booped your nose. “Every. Fucking. Night.”
You beamed. “Fine.” A wicked glint flashed in your eyes, a seductive smile on your lips as you slowly moved his hand lower, his fingers now on your nipple. “Hey, just ‘cause you’re not there with me doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”
He stroked your nipple over the fabric of your dress, enjoying how the nub hardened under his touch, the way your breath hitched in your throat when he continued his ministrations. With his other hand he tucked your hair behind your ear, whispering to you. “Phone sex is alright, but nothing beats this.” His tongue curved along the shell of your ear, and you trembled against him. “Right?”
The waitress seemed to come out of nowhere this time to ask how your meals were, and you jumped back. Disappointed, he sighed.
“Food was great. Thank you,” you replied, smiling stiffly at the redhead.
“Can I get you anything else?”
“Privacy would be great,” Billy muttered.
You kicked him under the table. “Dessert menu?”
“Sure. I’ll bring it right over,” the waitress said, taking your plates away.
“I’ll give you all the sugar you want once we get outta here,” he murmured seductively, caressing your thigh.
You giggled, rolling your eyes. “That’s a terrible line!” You took his hand and removed it from your thigh. “Billy, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s our first date and I don’t put out on the first date.”
“Now that’s a terrible line,” he fired back, mimicking your earlier tone.
“Also, we already had sex this morning.”
“So? I’m greedy. I can’t get enough of you.” There was that shy smile of yours again, and he reached out to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “You blush every time I tease you.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, it’s adorable.”
Your cheeks grew even more red. “I’m not used to it from you. A part of me still thinks you’re bullshitting me.”
Billy stiffened. “Really?”
“I know you’re not playing me,” you reassured. “It’s on me, not you. I just have a hard time accepting when good things happen.”
The waitress came by with the dessert menu. He briefly glanced at it before ordering a slice of pecan pie while you ordered a piece of chocolate cake.
As soon as the redhead left, he broached the topic with you again. “I’m not gonna hurt you, babe. You have to believe that.”
You didn’t look at him, your eyes fixed somewhere on his chest. “I do. You were so pissed off at me last night. I honestly expected you to hit me because you were so angry. But you didn’t.”
It made him sick to his stomach that you actually thought him capable of hitting you. It hadn’t even occurred to him that you would worry about that, but of course you would. With your childhood it made perfect sense, he was just a fucking idiot who hadn’t realized how much it still impacted you. “I’m never gonna lay a hand on you. I swear.” His eyes locked with yours, hoping you can sense how much he meant those words.
“I believe you.”
His voice was insistent, his gaze boring into you. “Why did you think I would?”
Your eyes wavered from his eyes to his lips for a long time, the atmosphere thick with tension. Your facial expressions ran the gamut of painful emotions, from uncertainty to fear to sheer panic.
It finally sank in that maybe the reason you were keeping the truth from him had noting to do with if you trusted him or not. Maybe you didn’t want to be assaulted by memories from the past that caused you so much pain. The last thing he wanted was for you to experience that hell again. Regretting his demanding tone, his hands caressed down the length of your arms. “You don’t have to tell me, It’s okay.”
Your eyes brimmed with aching vulnerability as you looked up at him. “I want to… I just… give me some time, okay?” You pressed your lips against his, giving him the softest, sweetest kiss. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight for so long, I don’t want to ruin it, you know?”
His heart felt full, his mind reeling with wonderment at the thought of you truly reciprocating his feelings. His arms wrapped around you as you sank into him, burying your face in his chest. His fingers stroked the back of your hair, murmuring soft, soothing words to you. Somewhere in the distance he heard the server’s voice trying to interject, but he didn’t give a damn. He was yours and you were his and nothing was going to ruin that. Nothing.
Part 18
A/N - I realize not much happened in this chapter but I just reallly wanted to write a dialogue heavy part where they simply get to know and enjoy each other. I think they’ve earned some fluff. LOL.
As always, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Please let me know your thoughts.
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7 times Merlin shows off his skills as a Physician,
+1 time The Knights have to work together to stitch Merlin up.
TW: Lots of blood and graphic description of injury/sickness.
1)
The patrol had been going perfectly fine, even the small skirmish with a group of bandits was over and done with pretty quickly.
It was when the knights were taking stock of things after the fight that Elyan found Gwaine struggling to stand, leaning his weight against a tree and owlishly blinking his eyes with a look of deep concentration on his face.
Elyan put a soft hand on his back, quietly saying Gwaine’s name. The other knight whips his head up quickly to look at him, and the movement almost toppled him, but Elyan catches him with a hand on each shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Gwaine stares at him with squinted eyes, slurring his words as he slowly says:
“Elyan, mate, I don’t mean to uh... freak you out, but... there’s like... a whole bunch of you.”
It’s then that Elyan finally notices the slow trickle of blood from behind Gwaine’s ear, dribbling down his neck, he keeps hold of Gwaine’s shoulder as he looks behind him:
“Merlin! Gwaine hit his head!”
Elyan looks back around when he hears the knight gasp, to see him looking at him with wide eyes:
“Fuck, did I?? That’s not good, someone should.... should call Merlin.”
Elyan just bites his lip to stop himself from laughing, and nods sympathetically, as if agreeing with him. Gwaine slumps back against the tree and Elyan helps him sit down as Arthur and Merlin finally rush over.
Elyan moves out of the way, and Merlin crouches in front of the injured knight, setting his medical bag next to him as he takes Gwaine’s face in soft hands.
Gwaine gives him a bleary grin as Merlin checks his pupils and huffs:
“You... are very pretty.”
Merlin would have been happy to ignore Gwaine’s nonsense, but flushes slightly when he hears Elyan and Arthur snort behind him. He scowls at them briefly over his shoulder before beginning to clean the wound behind Gwaine’s ear, and checking for any further injury. The other knights gather around, having checked over the bandits for anything of interest, and Percival is the first to speak:
“He’ll be fine, won’t he, Merlin?”
Before Merlin can answer, Gwaine lifts a clumsy hand to pat the physician’s head with a shit-eating grin on his face:
“You know who is fine? This guy, very very fine.”
Merlin chuckles as he blushes, taking Gwaine’s hand and putting it back in the knight’s lap. The others laugh behind him but Merlin ignores them as he works, keeping his gaze on the wound, but speaking to Gwaine:
“Thank you Gwaine, but why don’t you keep your hands to yourself for a few hours?”
Gwaine huffs and pouts, looking very much like a child, but nods when Merlin smiles at him. Merlin finishes up, cleaning his hands as he stands, looking to the knights behind him:
“He’s got a pretty big concussion so he can’t fall asleep for the next twelve hours or so. He might feel nauseous at some point, and his balance will be way off, so I’ll ride with him. We need to keep getting water in him, but other than that, there’s not much we can do until it clears up. He’ll have a banging headache for a few days.”
Arthur nods, trusting Merlin’s judgement and gesturing Leon and Percival forward to help the knight up. Thankfully, they were on the tail end of their patrol and can just ride straight back to the city, but everyone takes great amusement in Gwaine’s slurred and nonsensical flirting with Merlin. That is, until the concussed knight turns his attention to Percival, and devotes his shoddy pick-up lines to the flushed giant, at which point it goes from mildly amusing, to absolutely hilarious.
2)
Everyone worries when Leon doesn’t show up to training.
Gwaine being an hour late? Not a worry. Leon not being early? Definitely a worry.
But when Lancelot sprints back to the training field after being sent to check on him, calling Merlin’s name desperately, everyone’s worry gets vastly amplified.
Merlin runs up to meet him halfway across the field, brow furrowed in worry. Lance rests his hands on his knees for a moment, struggling to speak through his quick breathing:
“He’s... there’s something wrong with him, I... I think he’s sick.”
Merlin immediately starts a quick paced journey back up to the castle, sprinting even quicker than Lancelot in his panic; Arthur and the others follow behind him, having not heard the conversation but turning understandably panicked at Merlin’s reaction.
When they finally catch up to him, he’s sat on the side of Leon’s bed, checking his breathing and pulse with a frown on his face. The knight is practically catatonic, eyes shut tightly, murmuring and twitching in his sleep, drenched in sweat and shivering.
Merlin looks back with a gulp to Arthur, stood by the door with a worried expression:
“I need you to go to Gaius’ chambers and pick up my bag. It’s fully stocked, I re-did it last night and it should have everything I need, but I can’t leave him.”
Arthur’s eyes widen at Merlin’s last words, obviously realising how sick Leon is, but Merlin’s harsh-
“NOW, Arthur!”
-breaks him out of his stupor, and he sprints away in the direction of the Physician’s chambers. The other knights, a breathless Lancelot having finally joined them, go to crowd into the room, but Merlin looks up at them, sternly saying:
“No, everyone out, it’s probably contagious, and with Gaius in the lower-town I do not have enough hands to treat all of you at once. Out.”
They all reluctantly file out of the room, but leave the door open, and Merlin rolls his eyes fondly as they all stand in the hallway, staring at their sick friend with furrowed brows and bitten lips.
Leon mumbles something and shifts in his sleep. Merlin looks back down at him, wiping the sweat slicked hair away from his forehead and rubbing a soft hand up and down his arm. The knight blearily opens his eyes, breaths shallow and rasping as his hand twitches towards Merlin. The younger man gives him a soft smile, hiding his worry as he takes Leon’s hand in his own. Leon relaxes slightly at that, blinking at him confusedly as he mutters:
“Mer...lin? I don’t... don’t feel... great.”
Merlin nods, stroking the back of Leon’s hand as he softly replies:
“I know, Leon, I’ve got you. You’ll be fine in no time, alright? Just go back to sleep.”
Leon nods slightly, and closes his eyes again, trusting Merlin’s words. His hand goes limp in Merlin’s once again and the physician swallows worriedly.
Arthur finally runs back in with Merlin’s bag clutched tightly in his hands. He’s breathing deeply, and at Merlin’s gesture, gently chucks the bag to him from the middle of the room, retreating again to stand by the door.
Merlin turns his attention back to Leon, rummaging through his bag, as Arthur asks, the concern clear in his voice:
“What else do you need, Merlin?”
Merlin doesn’t looks up at him as he pulls various supplies out form his bag, checking Leon’s breathing periodically:
“I need a few changes of clothes, a patient pallet brought up from Gaius’ chambers, a constant supply of cold water and clean cloths, and a spare chamber-pot; he’s almost certainly going to throw up at some point.”
Arthur nods, going out to speak to the knights. He sends Percival and Gwaine to the physician’s chambers to bring back some of Merlin’s clothes and a pallet, sends Mordred to talk to the steward about having a servant outside Leon’s chambers constantly so Merlin could have whatever he needed, whenever he needed it, and sends Elyan to rummage through the storage rooms for a spare chamber-pot.
He walks slowly back into the room, but still keeps his distance, fidgeting harshly with his hands as he gulps, quietly, but worriedly asking:
“Will he be alright??”
Merlin, still not looking up from Leon and his bag, replies softly:
“He should be ok, but I need to keep an eye on him. I’ll be sleeping in here until he’s better, and I won’t be joining you at all until he’s at least up and walking around. Gaius should be back day after tomorrow, so try not to get injured until then, otherwise go to Gwen, she’s got a pretty good understanding of basic treatment. Shut the door behind you.”
Arthur nods mutely, understanding Merlin’s dismissal, and walking from the room silently. He turns back, quietly saying:
“They’ll be a servant out here to fetch anything you need. Thank you, Merlin.”
Merlin nods distractedly, focused on mixing some sort of paste in a bowl as Arthur sighs, and shuts the door behind him.
It was about two weeks before Merlin moved out of Leon’s chambers, but it was at least a month before he stopped periodically, almost subconsciously, reaching for the knight’s wrist to check his pulse. There had been a few scares, when his pulse was so weak that Merlin could barely feel it; he lost a lot of sleep over those first two weeks, too afraid to close his eyes in case Leon stopped breathing, and too concerned about his friend to let another physician take over.
Leon found it endearing, but didn’t mention it when he noticed Merlin coincidentally bumping into him multiple times a day and finding excuses to touch his fingers to his wrist or neck, even briefly.
He was fine in the end, thanks to Merlin’s thorough treatment, but it was a scary couple of weeks, when having to think about burying Leon was a genuine worry.
(The knight also demanded that Merlin be given a week off from his manservant duties when he was feeling better, which Arthur eagerly agreed to. Though he did spend almost the entire time trailing Leon round like a lost puppy, under the guise of “making sure he didn’t overdo it”.)
3)
Since he had arrived back in Camelot, Elyan had been spending more and more time in the family’s Blacksmith’s.
He felt the need to fill the void that his father had left in the old forge, and he enjoyed returning to his roots; there was something therapeutic about being surrounded by fire and hot metal once again.
But his years away from it all made him a little clumsy, having lost a little of the instinctual caution he had when he was a teenager. Which is what led him to be sat on a bench in the Physician’s chambers, watching with fond amusement as Merlin fretted and gathered various dressings and bandages.
The burn on Elyan’s arm was serious enough to need more than just cold water, but it was definitely not serious enough to warrant such worry from the Warlock.
He finally came to stand between Elyan’s legs, checking over the burn with soft hands after placing everything he had gathered on the table next to him.
Merlin looked up at the knight, and Elyan had to stop himself frowning at the man’s worry, and was that... fear?
He finally cleared his throat, glancing away briefly before saying:
“I uh... I could lessen the pain a little with magic, if you’re ok with that. But I have more than enough supplies to treat it normally if you don’t want me to, it’s really no-”
Elyan cuts him off with a gentle hand on the shoulder and a soft smile:
“It’s fine, Merlin. We trust you, remember? If you think your magic can help, then by all means, go ahead. I trust you.”
Merlin lets out a breath, relaxing as he nods and returns Elyan’s smile with a weak one of his own. He had only told the truth about his magic a few weeks ago, and things were still a little... raw. After what happened to his father, Merlin was expecting Elyan to be one of the least accepting of the sorcery, and he wasn’t wrong at first, but after a few harsh words from Gwen about all the times Merlin had saved her, and about how hard Merlin had tried to save Tom, Elyan did a complete switch, and became one of The Warlock’s most ardent defenders.
Elyan marvelled at the warmth spreading down his arm as Merlin’s eyes glowed gold and he muttered a few incantations. The burn was still there, but it seemed cleaner, and definitely hurt less. Merlin followed up his magic with some burn salve and carefully wrapped bandages, looking up at Elyan with relief in his eyes at the knight’s fond, trusting smile.
He continued his bustling around the chambers under Elyan’s amused watch, returning with a few small tinctures:
“Take one of these a day, starting this evening; it’ll help with the pain overnight. Come back the day after tomorrow and I’ll re-bandage it. Let me know if... uh, you want me to... you know-”
He wiggles his fingers vaguely, and Elyan raises an amused eyebrow at him, slowly saying:
“Re-do the magic?”
Merlin bites his lip and nods slightly. Elyan gives him a wide grin, hopping off the bench and ruffling Merlin’s hair:
“Will do, Merls. Thank you.”
With that, the knight walks cheerfully out of the room, shutting the door behind him and leaving a very happy, slightly less worried Warlock/Physician/Servant behind
4)
A particularly impressive move from Lancelot and a misstep from Arthur is what leads to The King sat on the grass with a belt between his teeth and Merlin stood behind him, one hand reached around and flat on his chest, the other on his shoulder-blade.
Lancelot is understandably freaking out, and Arthur is half focussed on how impressed he is, and half focussed on the stabbing pain in his shoulder.
Merlin moves his hand slightly and Arthur groans around the belt, biting down as the servant mutters an apology:
“Sorry. This is gonna hurt like a bitch but I need you to stay as still as possible, ok?-”
Arthur nods slightly, mumbling something that sounds like “just get on with it”, but it’s hard to understand with a mouth stuffed with leather:
“-Alright, on three, ok? One, TWO-”
On two, Merlin pushes Arthur’s arm back into it’s socket with a sickening pop, and The King groans even louder, squeezing his eyes shut and biting down on the belt in his pain. The knights all wince in sympathy, Leon putting a soft hand on Arthur’s other shoulder as the man breathes deeply.
After a few moments, Merlin straightens the arm, moving it round in a circle to make sure everything is where it’s meant to be, before grabbing the sling he’d had Percival hold, and wrapping Arthur’s arm carefully, letting it hang against his chest.
Arthur finally spits the belt out, grimacing as he flexes his shoulder slightly. Merlin puts a hand back on his shoulder, eyes glowing gold as he mutters a spell. The blond lets out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding at the blissful numbness spreading from his shoulder, down his arm and across his back, before looking up at an almost hysterical Lancelot.
Arthur chuckles at Lance’s face, shaking his head slightly as he says:
“Very impressive, Lancelot, though if you could save that for enemies, that would be great.”
Lancelot finally bursts, not seeming to have heard Arthur’s praise:
“Ar- Your Majesty I am so sorry, I really didn’t mean to-”
Arthur waves his free hand in dismissal, taking Mordred’s offered hand and standing up, still with an impressed smile on his face:
“Don’t be stupid Lance, like I said, it was very impressive, and with Merlin around there’s no harm done.-”
Merlin grins and blushes at the subtle compliment.
“-Besides, I dole out at least one injury a month, it’s about time one of you got me back. Well done Lance, you beat everyone else.”
He says it with a grin, and Lancelot finally relaxes slightly, raking a hand through his hair as he gives the amused King a weak smile, much to the other knights’ amusement. Merlin steps back in front of Arthur adjusting the sling and speaking forcefully:
“No training at all for a week, no full contact sparring or skirmishes with bandits for two. And I want to check it again before you start.”
Arthur’s face falls indignantly and he whines:
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad! It doesn’t even hurt that much.”
Merlin scowls:
“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt because I numbed it with magic, prat.”
Arthur looks like he wants to argue, but Merlin just raises an eyebrow (very reminiscent of Gaius), the meaning of “I dare you to argue with me right now” VERY clear.
Arthur backs down, muttering a petulant “fine” under his breath, much to the knights’ amusement.
5)
To say that Mordred was panicking would be a vast understatement.
But to be fair, everyone was panicking.
Everyone thought that the fight had gone rather well, finally surviving a battle with mercenaries injury free, that was until Mordred had tried to stand up, only to find that he couldn’t breath, and his chest hurt.
Tears leaked from his eyes as he lay on the ground, squeezing Arthur’s hand so tightly The King was sure it would bruise; but he didn’t care about that, all he cared about was running his free hand over the younger man’s armour, desperately trying to figure out what was wrong.
Mordred took in shallow, gasping breaths, his vision swimming as the stabbing pain in his chest spiked with every movement. He had been calling out for Emrys in his head, unable to speak, and finally the panicked man burst through the trees, pushing through the crowd of knights and dropping to his knees at Mordred’s side.
He’d wondered off an hour or so ago to collect some herbs for Gaius, and had missed the whole fight, though he’d begun his sprint back when Mordred had called out for him at the start of the battle, pushing himself even faster when it became apparent that the younger man was badly injured.
Arthur immediately looks up at him, but doesn’t let go of Mordred’s hand as he speaks quickly, only just managing to keep the shaking out of his voice:
“He can’t breath properly, I think he got kicked in the chest but there’s no blood or anything, I don’t know what’s wrong with him Merlin, he can’t breath.”
Merlin curses under his breath, wiping Mordred’s hair away from his face as he rushes to say:
“Help me get his armour off, someone grab me my smallest knife and a roll of bandages, now.”
With that, Percival rushes to the dropped medical bag, riffling through it for what Merlin had asked for as Gwaine and Elyan rush to remove Mordred’s armour, and Leon and Lancelot move to stand guard, watching for any more attackers.
Mordred whimpers every time he’s jostled, but Merlin and Arthur hush him, squeezing his hand and stroking his hair. With the focused look on Merlin’s face, Arthur can tell that he’s talking to the Druid through their mental link, so doesn’t say anything, knowing that it’s probably the only thing stopping Mordred from panicking even more.
The armour finally comes off, and Merlin quickly puts his ear to Mordred’s chest, cursing to himself once more as he holds his hand out wordlessly for the knife.
Percival puts it in his hand without hesitation, and Merlin quickly cuts Mordred’s tunic away before hovering the sharp point over the side of his chest, looking up to Elyan and Gwaine still kneeled at his side and saying:
“Hold him down, he can NOT move when I do this.”
They don’t ask what “this” is, trusting that he knows what he’s doing as Gwaine moves to straddle Mordred’s thighs and hold his hips down, and Elyan pushes his shoulders into the floor. Arthur leans over to take both of Mordred’s hands tightly in his own, and without any more hesitation, Merlin pushes the blade down into Mordred’s chest with a soft apology.
Mordred whimpers even more, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, and letting out a pained yelp when Merlin twists the knife slightly. With the movement, there’s a hiss of air, and Mordred takes a deep, gasping breath.
Merlin relaxes slightly, and nods at the others to let go. Gwaine and Elyan move back, but Arthur stays, holding Mordred’s hands and trying to cover the disgust on his face as Merlin holds the knife in place.
Mordred finally opens his eyes, and Merlin gives him a reassuring smile before looking to Elyan:
“Elyan, you’ve got the steadiest hands, I need you to hold this-”
He nods down at the knife, and Elyan’s eyes widen in panic before he gulps and nods his head, carefully taking the knife from Merlin’s hands, and holding it place. Merlin moves to where Elyan had been sat, above Mordred’s head, and he leans down, moving his ear from one side of the Druid’s chest to the other, careful to avoid Elyan’s hands holding the knife.
He listens to each side for about ten seconds each time, moving between them a few times, before finally sitting up and nodding to himself in satisfaction. He grabs the roll from Percival’s shaking hands, once again wiping the hair from Mordred’s forehead and giving him a reassuring smile, before looking back up at Elyan:
“Pull it out when I say go, ok? Straight out, don’t twist it, don’t bend your wrist, just straight out.-”
Elyan nods firmly and at Merlin’s-
“-Go!”
-he pulls the knife out, quickly getting out of the way as Merlin presses one hand over the wound, eyes glowing gold as he mutters a spell. Mordred lets out a breath as he’s relieved form the pain slightly, closing his eyes briefly before Merlin says:
“No, come on Mordred, I need you to stay awake, I need to know that you’re ok whilst I do this alright? You can sleep later, I promise.”
Mordred nods slightly as he opens his still teary eyes, and Arthur leans closer, smiling at him and asking some unimportant question about what he wants for his birthday coming up. Merlin gives the King a grateful smile as he brings his hand away from the bloody wound, glad to see that the spell had worked and the bleeding had slowed considerably.
With the help of Gwaine and Elyan, Merlin gets Mordred into a sitting position, wrapping the bandages tightly around his chest, periodically checking his pulse and breathing with his hand.
He ties it off, letting a breath of relief escape him as he collapses back onto the floor. Mordred is slumped against Arthur, groaning as he desperately tries to keep his eyes open, but Merlin presses a hand to his forehead, eyes once again glowing gold as he mutters:
“Sleep.”
The younger man passes out pretty much immediately, and Arthur supports his weight, giving Merlin a concerned, questioning look. The Warlock meets his gaze, giving him a weak smile and nod:
“Collapsed lung, had to release the pressure. He’ll be fine, but infection is a concern so I need to get him back to Camelot as soon as possible.”
Arthur nods, and with a gesture from him, Leon and Lancelot lean down to pick the younger man up, carefully depositing him on the front of Arthur’s horse, to be taken back to the castle.
Merlin looks around to the others, noticing the shaking that had slowly started in Elyan’s hands as he stares down at the blood coating his fingers. Merlin touches a soft hand to his shoulder, and Elyan gasps, looking up at him quickly with wide eyes. Merlin gives him a smile, hovering his hand over Elyan’s as he murmurs a spell.
The knight looks down again to see his hands completely clean, and he flexes his fingers, before giving Merlin a tight smile, and muttering a quiet thank you.
Everyone mounts their horses, quickly urging them to follow Arthur back to Camelot.
6)
Lancelot was trying his best not to wince, but his wrist really did hurt.
They’d just made camp; Merlin, Lancelot, and Arthur were on their way back from visiting Hunith in Ealdor for a few days.
Originally it was meant to just be Merlin and Lance, but Arthur insisted that he come along for extra protection. All three of them knew it was just an excuse (Merlin was the most powerful Warlock in existence after all) but no one mentioned it. It had taken months and a lot of sleepless nights for Arthur to finally get the magic ban repeal through, and Lance and Merlin knew he needed a few days off, with no worries or responsibilities or titles or stupid crowns or councillors or meetings, so they were happy to have him tag along.
The knight must have sprained it when fixing the barn roof, but was reluctant to say anything; he didn’t want to put a dampener on the mood, and Hunith had been so accommodating, he didn’t want to be a bother. But when Merlin noticed him struggling to remove his saddle-bag with one hand, he raised an eyebrow, and held his hand out wordlessly.
Lancelot went to fake innocence, but Merlin just raised his eyebrow further and crooked his fingers. The knight sighed, putting his wrist in Merlin’s hand with nothing but a sheepish look. The Court Sorcerer ran his fingers over the soft skin there, noting the bruise with a disapproving tut before he mutters a spell.
His eyes flash gold, and Lance flexes his wrist as both the pain and bruise recede. He nods with a smile:
“You’re getting better at that.”
Merlin just huffs and rolls his eyes:
“Yes, well, you knights do insist on giving me plenty of opportunities to practice.-”
Lancelot huffs out a brief laugh, before he quietly apologises. Merlin just shakes his head with a smile:
“-It’ll still be tender for a few days, so don’t use it too much, Physician’s orders.”
Lancelot smirks slightly, and Merlin knows he isn’t going to like what he says:
“Of course, anything you say My Lord.”
Merlin scowls and squeezes the knight’s wrist slightly, muttering-
“I will turn you into a fucking toad.”
-much to Lancelot’s amusement.
Arthur finally reappears from collecting firewood, and raises an eyebrow at Merlin’s scowl and Lancelot’s laughter:
“What are you two up to, or do I not want to know?”
Merlin huffs and stomps off to collect his saddle-bag, and Lancelot clears his throat, still chuckling as he replies:
“Hmm. It would appear that Lord Merlin Emrys Ambrosius, Court Sorcerer of Camelot, Protector of the Once and Future King, Last of the Dragon-Lords, is not all that fond of his fancy new title.”
Arthur laughs, and Lancelot forgets his now long-gone pain in favour of joining in.
7)
This was one of the most serious injuries any of them had seen in a very long time.
Leon had been called in the tent to help Merlin, having been the least tired with the steadiest hands at the time.
Arthur was pacing angrily, Mordred was doing his best to meditate, Lancelot held one of Gwaine’s hands in his own, and Elyan had an arm around his shoulders, as Gwaine himself bounced his foot up and down. At the beginning, he’d tried to hold his tears in, but as the image of a bloody and dying Percival slowly cemented itself in his mind, he gave up, and let them flow.
They’d been in there for hours, and whilst the rest of the knights tried to have faith, the angry curse that Merlin had let out almost two hours ago, closely followed by hurried movements and Leon shakily asking what he needed to do, had not helped their anxieties.
Inside the tent, they were just finishing up. There was blood everywhere, metres worth of soaked bandages strewn around the tent, along with most of Merlin’s medical bag, which had been upturned and spread around for quick access.
Leon was exhausted, having spent hours monitoring Percival’s breathing and pulse with no break, passing Merlin whatever he asked for, and occasionally having to hold bits of his friend together whilst Merlin worked his magic (both literally, and metaphorically). But however tired Leon was, Merlin was a hundred times worse.
He’d drained most of his energy during the fight, and had to dig incredibly deep to pull out enough magic to keep Percival alive whilst he stitched him back together. The blade he’d been stabbed with was imbued with dark magic, and shards had splintered inside the wound. Luckily, no organs had been punctured, but plenty of blood vessels had been nicked, and nothing could be left inside or it would cause likely deadly problems later down the line.
That just meant almost everything had to be done by hand; magic was useful in keeping the knight asleep, and dulling the pain as much as he could, but as far as the actual healing went, Merlin had to focus on keeping his mind sharp and his hands steady.
His face had remained blank, and his voice deadpan through the whole process, and around half a candle-mark in, Leon asked in a whisper:
“How are you so calm? I... I’m trying my best but I don’t know how you’re doing this.”
Merlin doesn’t look up at him as he quietly replies:
“If I panic, he dies. I have to trust that I know what I’m doing, and just get on with it. You’re doing fine, Leon. It isn’t... it isn’t Percival, it’s just another knight-”
Merlin’s voice lowers, whispering his last words to himself:
“-just another patient.”
Leon nods, taking another of many deep breaths, focusing on keeping his hands steady and counting Perci- the patient’s breaths.
It was maybe an hour later, that Leon widened his eyes, looking up at Merlin in a panic; before he can say anything, Merlin feels it as well, cursing loudly to himself and dredging up his last reserves of magic to hold his tools in place (in Percival’s abdomen), moving up hurriedly to be by his chest, where he quickly starts CPR.
Leon takes a deep breath, gulping before says:
“Merlin, what do I... what do I do??”
Merlin doesn’t say anything, focusing on keeping rhythm, and Leon can hear him counting under his breath; he gets to twenty-seven when the knight starts breathing on his own again, and Merlin gives himself enough time to take a fortifying breath before going back to the wound and carrying on with what he’d been doing, as if nothing had just happened.
Another hour later, Merlin was putting the last stitches in, satisfied with his work, but by no means... hopeful.
And half a candle mark after that, the knight had been thoroughly cleaned and bandaged, tightly.
Leon (shakily) and Merlin (blankly) cleaned all of the Physician’s tools, and packed away all the detritus; they needed to keep Percival’s environment as clean as possible. He’d tried to force himself to do more, but Merlin’s energy had almost completely abandoned him, and Leon had convinced him to give it a rest; the longer he tried to force it, the longer it would be before his magic built up enough to be useful again.
Merlin finally exited the tent, drenched in blood, leaving Leon to keep an eye on Percival whilst he went to update the others.
When he set foot on the leaves, everyone’s head whipped up. Arthur had given up his pacing, and Mordred had abandoned his meditating, but Elyan, Gwaine, and Lancelot were all still huddled together; though everyone jumped up quickly when they set eyes on Merlin.
They looked at him expectantly, desperately, and Merlin met Arthur’s gaze first:
“You need to go sit with him, Arthur-”
He’s interrupted by a pained cry from Gwaine, and Arthur’s grief-stricken face. A request for the King to go sit with an injured man... that could only mean one thing in their minds. Merlin held his hands (still bloody) up placatingly:
“-he stopped breathing once, but we got him going again. If he makes it cleanly through the night then his chances shoot up, but if he gets an infection before morning then... there won’t be much I can do. Someone needs to go in with Arthur to take over from Leon, he’s exhausted-”
Mordred takes a step forward, a concerned look on his face as he softly says:
“You’re tired too, Merlin, you should sleep.”
Arthur nods, but Merlin waves him off, muttering:
“I’m fine.”
Everyone notices the bleariness of his eyes, and the shaking that had just begun in his hands, but they don’t say anything. They had been expecting this, it happens every time there’s a serious, life threatening injury. Merlin can compartmentalise for as long as needs to, but shock usually hits an hour or so later, when everything catches up to him. With how serious this injury had been, with how exhausted Merlin is, and how covered in blood he is, they aren’t surprised that it’s hitting a little sooner than normal.
Arthur nods at Elyan, and the knight takes that as his cue to go into the tent. Leon walks out a moment later, almost as covered in blood as Merlin, and breathing deeply, tears in his eyes as he heavily sits down. Lancelot wraps him in a blanket cleaning his hands wordlessly with a wet cloth before pushing him to the floor and telling him to get some sleep. Leon closes his eyes and is gently snoring within seconds; Lancelot goes back to Gwaine, forcing the man to look away from the still fairly bloody Leon as he whispers reassurances to him.
As this is happening, Arthur walks slowly to Merlin, putting a soft hand on his shoulder and gently saying:
“What do you need, Merlin? Right now, what do you need?”
Merlin’s eyes had been getting wider and wider as he stared down at his hands, covered in blood and now shaking violently. He looks up in shock at Arthur’s touch, seeming to have forgotten that he wasn’t alone:
“I.. uh, I need two people with Percival at all times, monitoring his breathing, pulse, and temperature. I need... need his pupils checked every ten minutes or so, and I need someone to count how many rolls of bandages I’ve got left so I can figure out how often I can afford to change them and.... and I-”
He looks back down to his hands, gulping, and Arthur can tell that Merlin is really not with it as he continues:
“-I need to go... go and wash my hands.... excuse me.”
With that, he stumbles off in the direction of the stream they had been taking water from. Arthur gestures at Mordred to follow the Warlock, before exchanging short nods with Lancelot, and going into the tent.
Mordred grabs a cloth and a spare tunic, before following Merlin’s trail. When he catches up to him, the older man is knelt at the side of the stream, scrubbing his hands viciously in the water. Mordred sits slowly besides him, gulping before quietly saying:
“Emrys? Merlin?”
Merlin hums in acknowledgment, but doesn’t look up, and Mordred huffs quietly, leaning over to take Merlin’s hands with a quiet:
“Let me.”
Merlin tenses only slightly before he fully relaxes, and the two men move to sit cross-legged, facing each other. Mordred dips the cloth he bought in the stream, and carefully wipes the blood from Merlin’s hands and arms. The Warlock sits absolutely still, and Mordred can tell that he isn’t really... present. He tilts Merlin’s head up, and his eyes seem to come into focus slightly as the Druid cleans away the blood on Merlin’s cheek and temple.
Mordred puts the cloth to the side, picking up a spare tunic and offering it to the other man:
“I thought you’d like to change.”
Merlin looks down to the offered fabric, and it takes him a few moments to process what Mordred had said before he nods slowly, and takes the tunic. He stands on wobbly legs, and Mordred quickly follows him, steadying him with a hand on his shoulder.
Mordred looks away as Merlin changes. It wasn’t that he really cared, but Merlin was usually incredibly careful to hide his scars from people, (though everyone was aware that they existed, having caught glimpses here and there) but he was far too out of it to realise what he’d done. Mordred refused to take advantage of Merlin’s shock just to satiate his own curiosity about the marks marring his mentor’s skin.
He looks back to see Merlin just stood there blankly, bloody tunic dumped on the floor and hands still shaking slightly. Mordred sighs, he’s been warned about this, but he’s never seen it this bad before; it would seem that the last few hours had finally caught up to Merlin. The Druid takes a few careful steps forward, gently laying his hands on Merlin’s shoulders as he speaks to him in his mind:
“Merlin? You with me?”
His body doesn’t move at all, but Mordred can see his jaw twitch as he gets-
“I’m... I’m with you.”
-from the link. He sighs again, pulling Merlin into a hug; one hand running through the other man’s hair, the other hand firmly in the centre of his back, acting as an anchor, trying to keep Merlin in the here and now. It takes a few moments, but Merlin returns the hug eventually, burying his face in the crook of Mordred’s neck, and holding him tightly round the middle, breathing deeply.
Merlin takes a deep breath as he feels Mordred’s magic probing him for injuries and soothing his headache and exhaustion. In all the rush of Percival almost dying, Merlin hadn’t checked in with himself, and is surprised when Mordred finds, and heals, a bruised rib, and a cut on the back of his leg. Mordred doesn’t have nearly enough energy to be of any help to Percival, but he can heal Merlin’s aches and pains.
Merlin pulls back from the hug, giving Mordred a brief, teary smile before he croaks out:
“I need to go back to Perci-”
He’s cut off by Mordred harshly shaking his head and placing a hand on the side of Merlin’s neck:
“No, you’re exhausted Merlin, you need sleep. Arthur and Elyan are looking after Percival, but you and Leon both need at least a few hours of rest.-”
Merlin looks annoyed, like he wants to argue but is too tired to come up with a retort, and Mordred continues:
“-I promise, I will wake you up if anyone needs anything, but you’re of no use to Percival exhausted. Merlin, you’re about to keel over, and you don’t have any magic reserves left, I’ve given you a little of mine to start you off, but you need sleep.”
Merlin looks at him, his gaze assessing, though sleepy. He gulps, sagging slightly as he whispers:
“You promise you’ll wake me?”
Mordred gives him a weak smile:
“I promise.”
With that, Mordred picks up the bloodied cloth and tunic, tucking them under one arm as he pulls Merlin’s arm over his shoulder, semi-dragging the Warlock back to camp. He lays him down next to Leon, and the knight, in his sleep, reaches out and pulls him close.
Mordred lays another blanket over the two of them, before traipsing over to sit with Lancelot and Gwaine, where he finally lets his tears fall.
+1)
If Merlin knew how ridiculously they’d act, he would have hidden his injury and just dealt with it himself.
Unfortunately, Merlin had mistakenly assumed that Camelot’s seven best knights (one of whom was also King), would be able to be a little more composed.
He sat on a large rock, one arm hanging limply at his side, dripping blood onto the floor, as he stared at the knights. Mordred and Percival looked close to tears, Gwaine looked close to vomiting, Leon and Lancelot were just about managing to stay calm (but Merlin could see the panic in their eyes), Elyan was desperately riffling through Merlin’s bag, muttering something along the lines of “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the-” , and Arthur was hovering directly in front of Merlin, biting his lip and breathing deeply as he offers reassurances to Merlin.
Merlin is half distracted by the pain, and half trying not to laugh at everyone’s panic. He’d both treated AND had so much worse than an arrow to the shoulder; don’t get him wrong, it was serious-ish, but it did not warrant this level of panic from seven of the Kingdom’s most fearsome warriors.
Elyan finally bustles over, hands full of random medical equipment, at least half of which are definitely not needed right now, but Merlin holds in his chuckle and doesn’t say anything. Arthur turns to the knight, gesturing everyone to gather close as he says, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice:
“Ok, do we take it out? Or do we break off the shaft and leave the head in?? I can’t fucking remember...-”
He trails off, and Merlin rolls his eyes, walking quietly to the remainder of his medical bag, and pulling out what he needs as he sits back on his rock. Gwaine glances back at him, but looks away again quickly as his face goes a little green and he mutters:
“Oh my Gods there’s so much blood.”
Merlin huffs and rolls his eyes; there really isn’t that much.
Leon looks to Merlin, and is the first to notice the man calmly sat there, treating his own injury. He lets out a very undignified yelp, stalking over and pulling the bandages and alcohol from Merlin’s hands and giving him a stern look:
“No, absolutely not, you’ve lost too much blood, you’ll make it worse, we’ll do it.”
Merlin rolls his eyes again, and gestures to the panicking group behind Leon incredulously as he says:
“This really isn’t a big deal, you lot are making a fuss out of nothing, I’ve had so much worse; can I have my stuff back now??”
Leon huffs, and Lancelot walks up to stand next to him, a concerned frown on his face:
“No, we’ll do it. Just... just talk us through it? It’s about time we had to stitch you up, I knew we’d need to eventually.”
Merlin stares at him for a few minutes, before sighing and shaking his head:
“Fine. Only you and Leon though, everyone else is too... jittery, for my peace of mind. They’re allowed no where near the arrow, or the needle and thread.”
At that, Gwaine goes even more green, mumbling a a quiet-
“Oh Gods, he needs stitches.”
-as he turns away. Merlin just scoffs slightly, and gestures Leon and Lancelot closer:
“Check the arrow for weakness, if it’s fully intact and feels strong, just yank it out. If it snaps, you’re going to have to dig the head out with a knife.”
Leon pales slightly, but nods, stroking his hand up and down the arrow far to gently to actually be able to tell anything. Merlin rolls his eyes:
“For pities sake-”
With that, he lifts his hand up, and pulls the arrow out in one quick motion, thankfully the head along with it. Gwaine promptly turns around and throws up in a bush, Percival running soft circles over his back distractedly as he stares in disgust at the bloody arrow in Merlin’s hand.
Leon gasps and Lancelot lets out an inhuman screech as he clamps a hand over the wound. Mordred whimpers and Arthur lifts a slow hand to cover his open mouth. Elyan blows a harsh breath out, stumbling back slightly and dropping all the things he had been carrying, much to Merlin’s annoyance.
Lancelot angrily looks to Merlin as Leon’s shaky hands try to thread a needle:
“Why?? Why would you do that Merlin? We have to be careful, we have to... we have to treat it properly.”
Merlin clears his throat, wincing slightly at the pain:
“You were being too careful. Let me put it this way, the longer you take, the more likely I am to get an infection and die a horrible death, all from a very simple, easy to fix wound.”
Merlin can vaguely hear Gwaine vomiting again in the background.
Leon takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he mutters to himself:
“Just another patient.”
Merlin remembers what he’d said all those months ago on Percival’s almost-deathbed, and rolls his eyes; this was hardly of the same magnitude, but if it helped Leon thread the damn needle, then he wasn’t going to say anything. The First Knight looked up to Lancelot, showing him that it was ready, and Lancelot looks to Merlin:
“What next, we clean it, right?”
Merlin nods amusedly, and gestures to the glass bottle of alcohol that Leon had taken from him, and a clean cloth:
“It’s gonna sting like hell but keep going alright? Wash it out properly, then put pressure on it until the bleeding slows, then stitch it up. You know how to do stitches?”
Lancelot shakes his head, but Arthur steps forward and nods, taking the needle from Leon as he says:
“I do, I’ll do it.”
Merlin takes a deep breath a nods, and with that, Lancelot cleans out the wound. Merlin hisses in pain, clenching his hands tightly as Lancelot mutters apologies and the other knights crowd closer. Leon strokes a soft hand up the Warlock’s back, Arthur has a hand on his (uninjured) shoulder, Mordred was whispering reassurances through the mental link, Elyan stood by with bandages and clean cloths, and Gwaine gave Merlin his best smile, despite still looking a bit sick with Percival at his side, holding him up.
Finally it comes time for stitching, and Lancelot swaps places with The King, Merlin one again rolling his eyes as the blond takes a deep, fortifying breath. He finally starts the stitches, and compared to the alcohol just moments earlier (and the Serket sting, and the Dorocha attack, and the fireball, and the poison, and the and the and the...) it’s a tickle.
Merlin starts making a mental list in his head of all the things he’ll need to replace from his bag next time he gets to the market, which had apparently been the wrong thing to do, because a few minutes later Arthur is slapping him gently on the cheek and calling his name. Merlin turns to look at him incredulously:
“What??”
And Arthur heaves a sigh of relief:
“There you are, we thought we’d lost you.”
“Lost me? It’s an arrow to the shoulder, I’m fine! I was just thinking about all the bloody shopping I’m going to have to do, because you’ve given me at least two extra stitches, and used way too much alcohol and bandages! Honestly.”
Arthur is a little taken aback at Merlin’s outburst, but starts laughing after a few moments of shock, everyone else joining in, slightly hysterically. Merlin looks around at them, bewildered:
“Look, I know I... go into shock or whatever when someone almost dies but this... this is too much. You’re all ridiculous, and next time, I’m treating my damn self.”
Leon finally breaks out of his giggles, ruffling Merlin’s hair slightly:
“We’re just glad you’re ok, Merlin.”
Merlin rolls his eyes fondly, giving the knights a reassuring smile:
“I am ok, I’m absolutely fine. Honestly, seven of Camelot’s finest warriors all hysterically panicking over an arrow to the shoulder. Gods, I hope you know I’m telling Gaius, Morgana, and Gwen about this, and they WILL laugh at you.”
Arthur turns on him quickly, pointing a finger in Merlin’s face as he flushes:
“You absolutely will not.”
Merlin raises an eyebrow, smirking dangerously:
“Try me.”
~
THE END!!
Ok so this one was one of my favourite prompts ever and I’m so grateful @semideadpanda sent it in, so thank you!!
If anyone wants to extend this or write it out properly, then go for it!!
Check out This List of things I’m working on, it will likely be #15 next! :)
#merlin#merther#bbc merlin#perwaine#good mordred#didn't realise that this has hints of all the ships in it until i read it back lol#so read it however you want lol#but it wasnt intended to be romantic#leon#sir leon#elyan#sir elyan#percival#sir percival#gwaine#sir gwaine#lancelot#sir lancelot#protective knights#protective lancelot#protective arthur#protective leon#magic reveal#court sorcerer merlin#guinevere#gwen#gaius#mordred#bbc mordred#morgana
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A Marriage of Convenience
Octoberfest romcom tropes day 1: fake dating
Jaskier pushed his ale aside and broke the wax seal on the letter. As he read the contents, his face pinched into a frown.
“Anything important?” Geralt asked, glancing up from his soup.
Jaskier chewed his lower lip. “Not really. It’s from my family.” He took a breath. “They’re going to disinherit me.”
Geralt raised an eyebrow. “What did you do this time?”
Jaskier scoffed. “Nothing, thank you very much! But it’s my 35th birthday next month, and the stipulations of the Lettenhove family will are quite clear. If the oldest son isn’t married by the age of 35, inheritance passes to the next married cousin.”
“Very keen on weddings in Lettenhove, are they?”
“Rather less keen on unmarried bachelors, actually.”
Geralt grunted. “That’s too bad. I imagine a viscount’s fortune could have come in handy for you.”
“Oh, I don’t care about the money.” Jaskier waved a hand dismissively. “It’s just,” he sighed. “I have younger sisters who rely on me for support. If the inheritance goes to cousin Edward, he’ll turn them out without a penny to their names.”
“That’s unkind.”
“It is.” Jaskier slumped. He was glad to have left Lettenhove and its court intrigues behind, but the thought of his sisters being at the mercy of his greedy cousin was unconscionable. He knew too well all the terrible things that could befall a woman alone in the world.
“This will,” Geralt said, stirring his soup absentmindedly, “does it have any rules about who you have to marry?”
“No. Any old wedding will do. But it’s not like I’m going to find anyone willing to tie themselves to me in the next month.”
Geralt shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll marry you.”
Jaskier choked on his ale. “You?”
“Why not?”
“Because…” he broke off and mopped the sweat from his brow. Because I’ve been in love with you for decades. Because I’ve fantasised about you saying this in a million different ways. Because having to pretend it’s real is going to break my heart.
Geralt reached over the table and patted his hand. “It’ll just be pretend,” he said, as if that were in any way reassuring. “This is a problem easily solved. Let me help you.”
Jaskier sagged. This was going to be a disaster.
-
“This is going to be a disaster!” Jaskier paced anxiously around their room. “There are so many ways this could go horribly wrong.”
Geralt sat on the bed counting bundles of herbs. “It’ll be fine.” He was infuriatingly calm. “We’ll head to Lettenhove, have a quick wedding, get your family off your back, and be on our way. It’ll only take a few days.”
“But,” Jaskier kept pacing. “We’ll have to. You know. We’ll have to do couple things. There are certain… expectations of a newly married pair.”
Geralt got to his feet and placed his hands on Jaskier’s shoulders, stopping his anxious traipsing. “We’ll manage. Can’t be any worse than fighting drowners.”
Jaskier looked into amber eyes and felt his heart turn over in his chest. “Everyone will expect us to be holding hands, and kissing, and gods know what else. And you can’t do that.” He sighed. “You don’t even like men.”
Geralt leaned in closer, close enough that strands of his silver hair tickled Jaskier’s cheek. “I like men just fine,” he said, and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.
Then Jaskier did something terribly foolish. His body moved before his mind, his feet stepping closer, his arms wrapping around Geralt’s neck. He kissed him, hard, and to his astonishment Geralt kissed him back hungrily, lips parting to allow Jaskier to taste him fully, tongue exploring, hands roaming, and by the time they broke apart Jaskier was flushed and breathing hard.
“See?” Geralt said, his deep voice sending a shiver up his spine. “We can do this.”
-
Jaskier wrote to his family to tell them the good news, and he and Geralt wasted no time in heading off to Lettenhove. The journey was long but nothing they were unused to. They traveled by day, slept under the stars by night, and Geralt even picked up a few quick contracts to help pay their way.
It was comfortable, and normal, and Jaskier could almost forget about what he was about to put himself through.
At least, until they reached the outskirts of Lettenhove and they heard the whoosh of an incoming portal. The ground shook, the air rippled, and through the rent in reality stepped Yennefer, terrifying and beautiful as ever.
She raised one perfectly arched eyebrow at them. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Jaskier couldn’t even bring himself to come up with a snarky reply as she swept past him and went to Geralt. He stood back and watched the two of them, powerful and dazzling together, each other’s equals in capability and composure.
He had never had a chance in this competition, he thought bitterly. He would be pretending with Geralt, while she had his heart for real.
Jaskier was left at camp while Geralt and Yennefer went off to do... whatever it was they did together. (He could guess what that was.) He spent a cold, lonely night with no one but Roach for company, berating himself for feeling so hurt by something he knew from the beginning was nothing but a ruse.
-
With their arrival in Lettenhove proper, there was nothing to do but face his family. The brightest spot of his day was walking into the estate and having his sisters squeal and jump on him just as they had done as children.
He stopped laughing and caught his breath long enough to introduce them. “Essi and Priscilla, this is Geralt.” My husband to be, he thought, and something twisted inside him at that. “Geralt, these are my troublesome sisters.”
Essi dipped her head and Priscilla performed a theatrical bow. “We were wondering if Jaskier would ever settle down,” Essi said with a sly smile.
“But seeing how handsome you are, I can’t blame him!” Priscilla replied, and the two of them broke into fits of giggles.
Geralt, for his part, took them with good humour. Where Jaskier had been expecting him to be dour, he smiled indulgently and took each of their hands in turn and pressed a kiss to their knuckles, resulting in another uproar of giggling.
“Thank you for that,” Jaskier said quietly as they made their way to the room waiting for them.
Geralt inclined his head. “Have to make a good impression on the future in-laws,” he said, the corner of his lips quirking upward in amusement.
The rest of his family were predictable as clockwork. Cousin Edward was sour, his father was distant, and his mother was simply relieved to see him married off as was proper. Geralt sat through all of it with more patience and good grace than Jaskier would have thought him capable of.
-
The day of the wedding itself passed in a blur. With such short notice the ceremony was terribly paired down by noble standards, but still, there was the formal breakfast, the dressing in formal garments, the journey to the temple outside of the city, the clamour of priestesses and officials and his family, the exchanging of rings, the reading of texts, and of course the formal dinner.
Jaskier barely remembered any of it. Looking back, the only thing that stuck out in his mind was the feeling of Geralt’s hand clasping his own during the handfasting. And the way that, whenever he was feeling overwhelmed over the course of the day, Geralt’s hand would find his own and give a comforting squeeze.
-
Finally the ceremonies were complete and they were left in peace in their chambers, the two of them alone for the first time all day. Geralt’s hair had been braided into two slim plaits running either side of his face, though by now they were starting to become mussed. He’d even put on a shirt of dark blue silk as opposed to his standard uniform of all black. The effect was quite stunning.
As the door closed, Jaskier’s shoulders slumped and he breathed for what felt like the first time in hours.
Geralt cupped one cheek tenderly. “You good?”
Jaskier exhaled, letting the anxiety and stress of the day slowly unwind. He looked into Geralt’s warm eyes and felt, for once, safe and unjudged. “I’m good.”
Geralt brought their lips together, soft as could be, and Jaskier’s knees shook. He grabbed Geralt’s forearms to hold himself upright and, desperate for some sort of control, some sort of meaning, he pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.
This was a bad idea, he was aware, but Geralt felt so good in his arms. He ran his hands through silky silver hair like he’d always wanted to, he pressed himself close to that muscled chest he’d spent more time than he should have admiring, and he moaned unrestrainedly when Geralt picked him up, locking his legs around his waist.
This was a terrible idea, he knew, but Geralt carried him over to the bed with firm, confident steps, and the temptation to touch, to hold, to kiss was overwhelming. This would only lead to heartache, but he was weak in the face of love, as always.
Geralt laid him out and took him apart with soft lips and careful fingers and a wicked tongue, and it was everything he’d been dreaming of for years, and yet so much more intense than anything he could have imagined. Geralt was dazzling beneath him, warm amber eyes and pale scarred flesh, beautiful and kind and more than he could possibly deserve.
-
Nuptial celebrations in Lettenhove were mercifully brief, and with the ceremony completed and recorded to the satisfaction of the genealogists, they were free to depart.
There were, however, some customs which could not be avoided.
“You’ll be honeymooning nearby?” Jaskier’s mother asked, with the understanding that this was not a question.
“Actually, we thought -”
“They’ll be staying in my cottage, won’t you?” Priscilla interjected. She’d availed herself of her position, such as it was, to secure a tiny ramshackle cottage on the Kerack coast. It wasn’t opulent but it was, thankfully, far from prying eyes.
Jaskier gave her a tiny nod of thanks and she winked.
“A cottage?” His mother’s lip turned up in distaste. “How quaint.”
“And there’s ever so much to pack, so we must be on our way -” he excused himself with a bow, tugging Geralt behind him.
Out of the view of their parents, Priscilla and Essi set upon him with hugs and kisses, thanked him for saving them from the horrors of cousin Edward, and packed up an obscene quantity of cheeses and wine to take with them.
By the time they departed the estate, Jaskier was even smiling.
-
It was quiet and calm on the coast. The cottage overlooked the sea, rolling and tempestuous, and had just enough space for a kitchen, a bed, and a bath. They had everything they needed, even a stable for Roach outside.
Even though it was only for a few days, Jaskier imagined Geralt would be bored and unhappy, feeling trapped in a place so small. But he seemed content: riding along the coastline in the morning, brushing Roach out, going fishing in the afternoon, preparing the catch for their evening meal.
Jaskier showed him his favourite spices and how to prepare the fish with butter to make it rich and indulgent, and in the quiet moments he wrote poetry or simply sat on the battered chair on the porch of the cottage and watched the waves.
Geralt returned to the cottage with a net bulging with fish and a smile on his face. He’d been doing that more recently, Jaskier had noticed, smiling in a way that seemed natural and unforced. He even left his armour and swords in the cottage and waded down to the sea in just his trousers and shirtsleeves, disarmingly casual.
It was comfortable, almost domestic.
And it was a torment, showing Jaskier a tiny glimpse of a life he’d never have.
-
Their last night on the coast, Geralt cooked the remainder of their provisions into a feast, poured the best wine they had, and set a fire in the hearth. He piled up blankets and pillows, laid down their warmest furs, and pulled Jaskier into his arms in front of the flames.
“Thank you,” he said, dotting kisses in a line up Jaskier’s neck, “for taking such good care of me.”
Jaskier fidgeted unhappily. “You’re the one doing me a favour,” he reminded him. That seemed important to remember. This was a favour from a friend, nothing more.
Geralt hummed against his neck, the vibrations rippling against his skin. “I can see some advantages to me,” he murmured, continuing his line of kisses up Jaskier’s jaw and toward his lips.
Jaskier, stupidly, allowed Geralt to turn him around, hands delicate around his waist, allowed him to bring their lips together. He allowed a kiss, soft at first, and then another, more intense, moaning into Geralt’s mouth.
“Can I interest you in an early night?” Geralt purred in his ear, and everything in Jaskier’s body said yes, and everything in his mind said no.
Eventually, his mind won out and he pushed Geralt away.
“No,” he said, struggling to keep his voice steady. “I can’t. I won’t. I’m sorry, Geralt, but this was a terrible mistake.”
He pushed himself to his feet, ignoring Geralt’s sad expression. He was hit by the urge to run, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Tears welled in his eyes.
“Hey,” Geralt’s voice was so soft behind him. “It’s okay, Jaskier. Whatever it is. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I won’t do it again.”
Jaskier deflated. He turned to face Geralt, watery eyes and all. “That’s not the problem. I don’t want you to stop. I want this to be real.”
Geralt stood carefully still. “What do you mean, real?”
Jaskier took a breath, tried to imagine how to explain himself, how to convey what he felt. “I’m in love with you!” he snapped in the end. Not his most eloquent work, but perhaps his most honest.
Geralt tilted his head. “I know,” he said. He looked down at the ring on his finger. “Isn’t that the point?”
“The point?” Jaskier exploded. “The point!” He couldn’t stop himself from waving his arms as he ranted. “Oh, sure, I’m certain that the ideal marriage is between one person who’s hopelessly in love and one person who’s indifferent and besotted with another. I’m sure Yennefer will be delighted when she hears about this whole situation.”
Geralt’s eyes narrowed. “You think I’m in love with Yennefer?”
“Yes! Obviously!”
He paused, obviously weighing his words. “That night when she visited us outside Lettenhove, she wasn’t surprised by the news. She told me congratulations, and that it had taken long enough. I think she knew long before I did that I wasn’t in love with her, not really. My heart already belonged to another.”
Jaskier’s breath caught in his throat. “You mean… You and her, you’re not...”
Geralt shook his head. “What she most wants is something I can’t give her.”
“And you?” Jaskier asked, dreading the answer.
Geralt took his hand. “What I most want,” he stroked his thumb over the ring around Jaskier’s finger, “is something I already have.”
Jaskier’s heart leapt. It was almost too much. It was overwhelming. “You really love me?”
Geralt smiled softly. “I really do.”
Jaskier threw himself into Geralt’s lap, arms around his neck, foreheads pressed together. “Tell me again,” he said, because he was needy.
“I love you,” Geralt said, kissing down the side of his face. “I love you,” he said, lacing their fingers together against the furs. “I love you,” he said, their bodies moving together, finally free to feel with the intensity they had been hiding for so long, their scents mingling together with the fresh salt tang of the sea.
-
The sun shone brightly and the wind whipped their hair as they packed up Roach the next morning. Jaskier paused to admire the view one last time: The rolling waves, the steep cliffs, the shingled beach.
Geralt slipped his arms around his waist from behind and dropped a kiss just beneath his ear.
“What does our life look like now?” Jaskier asked, eyes on the waves.
He felt Geralt’s smile against his hair. “Much the same as before,” he said. “With perhaps a few improvements.”
Jaskier turned then and kissed him fully, no need to hold himself back, taking Geralt’s hand and running his fingers over the ring there.
“Ready to head back to the Path?”
Geralt smiled, and Jaskier would never tire of that. “Ready if you are,” he said with softness in his eyes, “husband.”
#this just in: i am secretly soft#squeezing this in before midnight#geraskier#lesdemonium#thank you for the prompt inspo!!#octoberfest#the witcher#my writing
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Day 28, Post #1 by @floreatcastellumposts
Title: The Argument Author/Artist: FloreatCastellum Pairing: Gen Prompt: “Siblings: The only enemy you can’t live without” -Anonymous Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): Mild language
When he was a child, Ron had sometimes sat secretly on the stairs, feet in slippers too big for him, teddy tucked under his arm, listening to the goings on in the kitchen. Often his sister or a brother or two would be with him. This was especially the case when there was an argument, because they were a nosy bunch of kids, and they would grin gleefully at one another as they heard their mother roar over some issue, like when Bill came home with his first tattoo, or Charlie had done something dangerous like climb on the roof, or the many, many, many things that Fred and George had done. They would gather on the stairs and snigger and delight in their siblings being in trouble - that it wasn't them, and usually it was over something hilarious too.
Today was quite different. The stairs were narrow, so Ginny was pressed right up against him, but she was gripping hold of his arm too. Behind them, Fred and George sat in grim, stony silence, their knees occasionally knocking the back of Ron's head, but, remarkably, none of them were squabbling.
'Is it so hard to just be happy for me?' Percy was bellowing, and that in itself was unusual, because it was never Percy in trouble.
'It's not about that,' Dad was bellowing back, 'are you so naive? Are you really so foolish-?' This was unusual too, because it wasn't usually Dad bellowing.
'Percy... Percy, we're just worried, we're just concerned...' Mum was sobbing. This was unusual, because she usually had a bit more fight in her, not this desperate pleading.
'You're so cynical, the pair of you-'
'We're realistic! You've been promoted well above your grade before the dust has settled on the inquiry-'
'STOP BRINGING UP THE INQUIRY!' Percy sounded quite deranged; the ferocity of his voice made Ginny jump slightly, and grip Ron's arm harder. 'That - wasn't - my - fault! That was the point of it! That PROVED I wasn't to blame, I was acquitted-'
'Yes, and we were delighted,' said Dad, and to Ron's astonishment, his words sounded bitingly sarcastic, 'but even so, you have to see that mass scandal is not usually a precursor to promotion!'
'He SAW something in me!'
'Yes, he did! He saw a potential spy! On our family - on Dumbledore-'
Percy let out a maniacal laugh, forced and sneering and sanctimonious, it made Ron wince as he heard it. 'And you say I'm arrogant?'
'We've never said you were arrogant-' Mum tried to chip in desperately, but Percy continued talking over her.
'You think you're important enough to warrant the Minister for Magic spying on you? You think he considers you in the same circle as Dumbledore? More to the point, you think Dumbledore truly respects the likes of you?'
'Fudge has been going round making it more than clear that anyone who supports Dumbledore can clear out their desks-'
'Utter rot-'
'-He knows I'm friendly with him, he knows I have advised the school on muggleborn inte-'
'No one cares!' Percy screamed. 'No one cares about that stuff! You're ludicrous!'
'Ludicrous?' Dad echoed, with an uncharacteristic scoff to his voice.
'Ludicrous! Not everything is a conspiracy, not everything has an anti-muggle agenda - I know what this is really about, you're embarrassed that your own son is rising above you, is succeeding where you haven't-'
'Percy!' Mum's gasp was so clear that Ron could easily imagine her hand leaping to her chest.
'I've had to struggle against your lousy reputation ever since I started! Do you know how embarrassing it is? Do you know what it's like having people ask if I'm related to the muggle-mad Weasley on Level Two-'
'That's enough,' said Dad coldly.
'I lie to them, d'you know that? I tell them we're only distantly related.'
'What the fuck?' Ron heard one of the twins whisper behind them. 'Is he serious?'
'I never imagined I had raised you to be so small-minded-' Dad was spitting back.
'It's baffling that you raised me at all! You, who has no ambition, no sense, no idea of how ridiculous you come across with your obsession with muggles - is it any wonder you've always been passed over for promotion-'
'-Because of bigotry!'
'-Any wonder you've left your children to grow up in poverty? To be humiliated by the failures of their father?'
'Stop it! Percy, stop it!' Mum was wailing, and whether it was Fred or George directly behind him Ron didn't know, but their knee was trembling against the back of his head.
'It's not failure, it's a matter of principle and integrity!' Dad roared back. 'There are more important things than gold, that's what we've always-'
'You are deluded! You are so blinded by your persecution complex, by your victimhood, that you cannot be happy for your son!' Percy’s voice was hoarse and raw, whether from tears or overexertion, Ron wasn’t sure. 'You can't bear to see him succeed where you failed! To see him make something of himself!'
'Why would I be happy watching my son be manipulated and used? Make no mistake, Percy - this is no achievement, this is Fudge playing you as a puppet - if you're ashamed of your background, that's your prerogative, but there's no denying this family is known to be close to Dumbledore and Harry, and Fudge is waging a vendetta against-'
‘You’re an idiot to run around with Dumbledore!’ snapped Percy. ‘He’s heading for trouble - gone completely power mad the last few years - you know full well his glory days are over. You’ll end up going down with him-’
‘Fudge is fighting a campaign against Dumbledore when he should be-’
‘I know where my loyalties lie, and it is not with my old teacher! It is with my employer, the leader of my government, with people who look at the facts!’
‘The facts are that Harry-’
'Yes - Harry - here we go,' snapped Percy. 'You rank the word of a child above the expert testimonies and mountains of evidence brought up by the inquiry, above your own boss - no wonder he thinks you're cracked. You’re determined to see conspiracy everywhere-’
‘How can you say that? You saw the aftermath of what happened, you saw him-’
‘I saw the actual dead boy, I saw Diggory!’ snapped Percy. ‘Think what his family is going through, their child’s death being used as a political quaffle-’
‘That is Fudge’s doing! That is his choice! He has chosen to make a mockery of Diggory, to disregard Harry-'
‘To question the story of a teenager,’ corrected Percy. His tone was cold and quiet, the kind of sanctimonious "I'm being the grown up here, actually" patience that Ron found unbearably aggravating. ‘The only evidence is his word, it’s not unreasonable to question a witness. In fact, it’s a perfectly standard part of due process.’
Ron’s growing anger was now twisted with a kind of lurching dread. The snide little comments in the Daily Prophet, which they had all blustered and raged and gasped in revolted disdain at over breakfasts for the past week, suddenly felt sinister. As he thought about it, Percy had never joined in… had always been silent…
‘Percy…’ said Mum, so faintly that, as one, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George all leaned forward to listen. ‘Percy, surely you… surely you believe him? Surely you can’t believe he deserves what they’re saying about him? He’s just a child - it’s like the whole world’s forgotten that he’s just a child.’
'Yes, he's just a child - so why should he be the centre of everything?' Percy demanded. 'Why should he shape our family? Impact our careers?'
'Percy… if you had seen him in the hospital wing, if you had looked into his eyes…'
'Mr Fudge was not convinced,' said Percy, as though that settled the matter.
‘Has he asked you about Harry?’ Dad asked abruptly. Beside Ron, Ginny was shaking. ‘Casually?’
‘I - no more than is to be expected when you have someone famous living under your roof-’
‘What did he ask? What did you say?’
They heard a brief, thick silence, and a sharp exhale of air. ‘He… he’s not relevant to this discussion. This is beyond - this isn’t the issue - the only evidence is his word, as I said-’
‘You don’t believe him.’ Dad’s voice was blank, stunned, quiet. ‘You… you know that boy, Percy.’
‘You don’t believe in me,’ said Percy, and Ron could hear his tears now, the slight thickness to his voice, the sniffs between words. ‘You’d rather believe in some ludicrous conspiracy theory from a teenager who thinks he sees You-Know-Who around every corner than believe that your own son might have worked hard, might be talented, might deserve his career. You’d really think so little of me.’
‘That’s not it. That’s not it at all,’ Dad said quietly, and Mum was crying loudly. ‘We just-’
‘I don’t care!’ said Percy harshly. ‘I don’t care what you think! Not any more! Years I’ve put up with it, years! I’m going - I’m gone - I don’t want to see either of you again - you’ve made it clear that you don’t have my interests at heart, this was your choice-’
‘What do you mean?’ Mum shrieked, and they could hear the scraping of chairs being moved aside, thundering footsteps, Mum begging-
The door was thrust open, and Percy stood for a moment in the hallway, looking up at the four of them sitting on the stairs. His expression was unreadable. Tear tracks shone from beneath his horn-rimmed glasses, and his mouth was a thin, grim line.
‘Move,’ he told them.
‘You’re being a right bellend,’ said Fred at once.
‘MOVE!’
They did not, and Mum had come running after Percy, hanging desperately onto his arm though he tried to shake her off. ‘Come on, Perce,’ she pleaded. ‘Come and sit down, let’s all cool off and talk about this-’
‘Get out of my way,’ Percy told his siblings once more, and now Ron stood.
‘Harry’s part of our family,’ he blurted out furiously.
‘He’s not, Ron,’ Percy growled. ‘He’s your friend, that doesn’t mean everything he says is right - move out my way.’
‘How can you say that!’ Ginny demanded. ‘What’s wrong with you? How can you say all these horrible things?’
Percy started climbing the stairs, pushing Ron aside and stepping over Ginny, furiously struggling past Fred and George who immediately made their bodies as big and awkward and gangling as they could imagine, shouting colourful insults at him as he pushed past and thundered up to his room.
‘He just needs to calm down,’ Mum was squeaking. ‘Go - go to your rooms, let me and Dad talk to him-’
‘No chance!’
‘I haven’t said my piece yet!’
He returned just a few moments later, carrying a bulging bag with a jumper sleeve trailing out, a little line of abandoned socks and a pair of underwear left on the stairs. ‘I’m going to stay with friends,’ he said.
‘You haven't got any,’ goaded George.
‘Be quiet, George!’ Mum wailed. ‘Percy-’
‘Then I’m getting my own place, I’m not staying here anymore - I’m not letting you all drag me down with you. If you’re all going to be traitors to the Ministry I’m going to make sure everyone’s well aware that I don’t belong to this family any more-’
‘You do, Percy, you do - you’ll always be my son-’ Mum’s words were barely audible beneath her crying. Percy pushed past her, and stormed towards the door.
‘Percy!’ Ron shouted, and to his surprise, Percy turned and looked at him.
Ron could not find the words for his contempt, could not find an insult strong enough, could not decide what to do with the rage that was coursing through him. All he could hope was that Percy could feel it in his cold, hard stare. ‘How could you?’
Percy said nothing, simply looked back for a moment, and then turned his back and strode swiftly to the door. Mum was running after him, and though they heard the ear-splitting crack of disapparation, she stood in the doorway shouting his name.
Dad had not followed, and with a creak, Ginny rose beside Ron and descended the last few stairs. She peered through the doorway to the kitchen. ‘Dad?’
Ron heard a splutter, and then dry, heaving sobs. Ginny vanished into the kitchen. Behind him, Fred and George were muttering mutinously, swearing and cursing.
‘What’s he playing at?’
‘He’s an idiot. A big-headed, pompous, ridiculous idiot, we’ve always said it, we were right.’
‘Who does he think he is? Does he really think that promotion is normal? Does he honestly think he’s that extraordinary?’
‘Moron…’
Ron’s jaw was aching from gritting his teeth so hard, his heart was trying to break through his ribcage and go after Percy to beat him.
‘Do you really think he meant that stuff he said to Dad?’ George said. ‘It’s just…’
‘I bet he does, the git,’ said Fred. ‘I bet he really does pretend he’s not part of the family. He’s ashamed of us. Slimy, brown-nosing prick…’
‘All that stuff about poverty? So uncalled for.’
‘That’s it, really, isn’t it? He’s a greedy arsehole.’
‘Well, he’s certainly written himself out of the will now, hasn’t he?’
‘He won’t care, nothing for him to inherit anyway, apparently.’
That prickling, heated anger was back - his very ears were hot with it, he wouldn’t be surprised if steam had been bursting out of them. The memory of Harry, pale and shaken in the hospital wing, his hands gripping Mum’s robes as she hugged him, was lingering in his mind. ‘Did you hear all that crap about Harry? Did you hear what he was saying about him? Harry!’
‘Yeah,’ muttered George. ‘Pillock.’
‘Why would he say that? What the bloody hell is going on with him? He’s gone bonkers. When did he turn into such a - a -’ He still could not quite find a word strong enough.
‘Berk?’ suggested George.
‘Something along those lines…’
‘Easier than admitting he’s horrible, selfish, idiot snob, I suppose,’ said Fred.
‘Money’s always been an issue, but blaming Dad like that is just…’
‘Nasty,’ said Ron, simply.
‘You can make money without completely selling out and betraying your family,’ said Fred seriously. ‘You can do it and keep your integrity.’
‘He’s acting like we weren’t fed enough,’ said George spitefully. ‘Percy didn’t even get that many hand-me-downs, really - Mum and Dad were doing all right before they were hit with twins, and we all know Ginny was probably unexpected.’
‘Was she?’ said Ron distractedly.
‘Are you joking, you were only about eight months old, who picks then to decide to have another baby?’
‘Mum.’
‘Fair.’
‘Anyway,’ said Fred, ‘Percy’s not exactly been hard done by, not really. He’s just always been ashamed we’re not as well-heeled as his smarmy new colleagues at the Ministry.’
‘It’s childish,’ said Ron, who was feeling another lurch of guilt as he thought back on the previous year. ‘It’s really petty…’
‘We’ve all wished the family was better off now and then,’ said George fairly. ‘Who wouldn’t? But that was a seriously low blow. God, poor Dad,' he added, his voice lowering further. 'I'm glad Ginny's gone in to comfort him, I don't even know where to begin.'
‘Do you think he’s really gone for good?’ asked Ron.
‘Hope so,’ said Fred viciously. ‘Hey - one less mouth to feed now, maybe the family’ll be better off.’
'You know what else,' Ron said sharply, his brain whirring, 'did you hear him dodging Dad's question about what he's said about Harry? Good thing he's buggered off before we go to the Order Headquarters, isn't it? Who knows what he would have blabbered about?'
Fred was looking at him as though in a new light. 'You know what, Ronniekins, that is a really excellent and disturbing point. You're a bit of a bright spark at times, aren't you?'
'Brighter than Percy,' Ron muttered.
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Ateez Hongjoong: Tame (Final Part)
Genre: Fluff, angst, smut, mafia au.
Pairing: Mafia!Hongjoong x OC (written in 2nd person)
Word Count: 17k in total, 2.2k in this part. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)
Warnings for all parts combined: Mafia themes such as torture, abuse, violence, human auctions, murder, drugs, guns. Mentions of rape, human trafficking, sex slavery, organ trafficking, unprotected sex, pulling out, facesitting.
“What are you guys up to?” you questioned, plopping down on the couch beside Wooyoung. Yunho, Jongho, and San were seated on the opposite couch.
“Just talking about one of our hostages who we will kill tonight,” Yunho replied while playing with a rubik's cube.
“What did they do?” you asked.
“He tried to sabotage our latest drug deal with a secret dealer from Russia. We didn’t know how he found out about it, but he spilled the beans on his gang,” San answered. “So we don’t need him anymore.”
“Well… rest in peace, I guess,” you remarked, making Wooyoung snort.
“Would’ve been better if we killed Yang Daeyoung instead.”
You turned to look at him. “Who exactly is he? I’ve heard his name a few times, but I’ve never gotten the opportunity to ask.”
Jongho gently cleared his throat. “He’s the man who raped and murdered Hongjoong’s sister. Him and three of his men. He wasn’t from a very powerful gang or anything, but he does his work extremely well. He wanted to take us down, and he used Hongjoong’s sister as bait to trap him. Hongjoong refused to give up on Ateez. By the time we managed to track Hongjoong, the damage was already done.” You felt your heart break; you couldn’t even imagine what your boyfriend had to go through.
“Where is Yang Daeyoung now?” you asked.
“Rotting in our torture chamber as we speak.”
Your eyes widened in surprise. “What?! Why haven’t you killed him yet?”
“We are looking for his child,” Hongjoong replied, joining the conversation. “The man has over five trillion won kept in a secret bank account. He also has information, good and bad, on every mafia gang and the corrupted politicians and locals involved. That’s why all gangs are still on the lookout for him even though we captured him eight months ago. He has a secret place somewhere in the world and only his child can access his possessions as he used iris pattern recognition. He has covered up everything though. We can’t find shit on any of his family members.”
“No amount of threatening or torturing works on him. We even told him that we’ll find his child and torture them,” Jongho added. “But he won’t reveal anything to us.”
“Maybe I can try?” you suggested. You did learn how to torture someone for information, but it wasn’t something you really enjoyed.
“Your chances are extremely low,” Wooyoung remarked.
“I’m aware of that. But even a little information could be helpful, right?”
“Go ahead then, sweetheart,” Hongjoong said with a smirk. “I’d love to see my girl torture that filthy bastard.”
You pecked his lips. “Then let’s go now, shall we?”
You made your way to the torture room, Hongjoong, Jongho, and Wooyoung following you. Seonghwa joined you after finishing his work in the interrogation room, satisfied with how much information he was able to obtain. Jongho entered a passcode for one of the rooms, letting everyone inside.
The room was pretty dark and looked like a jail cell. You saw a plate of untouched food on the floor. There was a chair in the middle of the room and a cot at the end of the room where Yang Daeyoung was sleeping, his back facing you all, long chains attached from his hands to a pipe.
Wooyoung moved to the sleeping form, giving the man a kick on his back to wake him up. “Get up, fucker.”
Yang Daeyoung groaned in pain before sitting up, looking at the faces of everyone in the room. As soon as you made eye contact with the man, your heart dropped to your stomach.
His eyes widened. “Kiah?! What are you doing here?!”
The boys immediately turned to look at you. You weren’t able to utter a word due to how shocked you were at seeing your own father there. His hair was quite long and he had a long beard and moustache. There were a few scars on his face and arms.
“How do you know her?” Hongjoong interrogated.
“Run from here, Kiah! They’re gonna kill you,” your father yelled at you.
“Do you know him?” Seonghwa asked you, but you weren’t able to answer. You felt sick. You felt terribly sick that it was your father who raped and murdered your lover's sister.
Tears rolled down your eyes when you glanced at your boyfriend. How could you ever face him now?
“Kiah!” your father yelled, tugging hard on the chains, grabbing your attention. “Get out of here! They’re gonna torture you in front my eyes! They said they will find you and torture you!”
Hongjoong looked at you with an emotionless expression, finally understanding the situation. “You’re his daughter?” You couldn’t respond.
“Are you this bastard's daughter?!” he yelled at you. Before you could answer him, he rushed out of the room. You couldn’t help but cry, burying your face in your hands, feeling your heart ache.
Your father glared at you angrily. “Why are you involved with Ateez?! What is wrong with—"
“Shut up!” you shouted, cutting him off. “You’re fucking pathetic! How could you r-rape someone when you have a daughter?! How could you lie to me all these years that you’re a cop, when you’re nothing but a heartless monster!” you sobbed loudly, collapsing onto the floor. You felt someone kneel beside you, wrapping their arms around you.
“Get away from her, Park Seonghwa!” your father spat.
Seonghwa turned to glare at him. “Shut it,” he said, before helping you stand up, taking you to your room.
You blankly stared at the window of your room from your bed, watching the horizon darker as night was approaching. It has been four days since you last saw Hongjoong. You felt nothing but emptiness and agony. You didn’t know if he was at the mansion or if he went somewhere as you haven’t left your room at all ever since Seonghwa brought you to it. The girls tried to make you eat, but you barely had the appetite to.
You sighed, forcing yourself to get out of bed to take a shower even though you were going to crawl right back into it.
Stripping out of your clothes and entering the shower, you pushed the tap, letting the warm water soak you. Closing your eyes, you could feel a dull ache in your chest when you began to think of Hongjoong. A sob got stuck in your throat, but escaped a few seconds later. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. You sat down, hugging your propped up knees. Your sobs got louder, and your throat was aching, tears mixing with the water running down your face.
After spending a few minutes crying until you couldn’t anymore, you finally washed your body and your hair.
Stepping out of the shower, you wrapped a towel around your body and another one for your hair. You exited the bathroom after putting some clothes on, having no strength to dry your hair with a blow-dryer. You stopped in your tracks when you noticed a figure seated on your bed.
“I'm sorry…” Hongjoong apologized, getting off your bed and moving towards you. He stood in front of you with a pained expression on his beautiful face. You wondered how long he was waiting for you and you really hoped he didn’t hear you cry. Even if he didn’t, he could still tell you were crying as your red, puffy eyes gave it away.
“F-For what?” you stuttered, voice shaky.
Hongjoong sighed, looking down at his feet. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I shouldn’t have left you alone when you were going through much worse. It was a shock for you too…”
Your eyes filled with tears. “I understand why you did it. It’s okay…”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not okay, baby. I’m ashamed of how I acted. You didn’t deserve that.”
You blinked, causing the tears brimming at your eyes to slide down your cheeks. Hongjoong reached up to cup your cheeks, gently wiping your tears away with his thumbs. He placed a gentle, lingering kiss on your forehead. “I’m so sorry.”
You closed your eyes, shaking your head in his hold. You pulled away from him, taking a deep breath. “Hongjoong, I-I think it’s best if we end things.” His eyes widened, heart aching due to your words. He opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke before he could. “I’m the daughter of the man who raped and murdered your sister, Hongjoong. I-I can’t…” you paused, sobs taking over. “I can’t live with that fact. I can’t look at you without thinking about it.”
“I don’t care, Kiah,” he reached out to hold your hands, his own eyes filling with tears. “I love you. Do you understand? I fucking love you. Yes, I was furious when I found out that you were the daughter of that bastard, but you shouldn’t have to suffer because of him. You didn’t even know what he does for a living. It’s not your problem.”
You sniffled. “You don’t h-hate me?” you couldn’t help but ask.
“Baby…” he sighed, pulling you into a hug, his own tears rolling down his beautiful face. “I could never hate you. Never. You’re the love of my life. Fuck, I can’t even live without you. These past four days… I felt like I was gonna go insane if I didn’t see you, but I had to give you some space.” You didn’t know what to say.
“There's no me without you,” he continued, gently pushing you away so that he could see your face. “So please… never try to break up with me again. I’d rather die than live without you,” he cried. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest while you both cried together. Hongjoong placed soft kisses onto your head, trying to calm himself and you down.
When your sobs stopped, he gently pushed you away so that he could look at your face. He cupped your cheek, titling your head back before he leaned in, capturing your lips with his own in a soft kiss.
He pulled away, resting his forehead against you. “I love you,” he murmured.
You smile slightly. “I love you more.”
Epilogue
“Oh my god! We’re finally here!” Jiwoo squealed, running on the cooling sand. Ateez managed to find out the location of your father's secret hideout in Fiji with the help of Yeosang who used your iris pattern to track the computer. Ateez managed to receive all your father’s possessions and now you all had flown across Fiji for a mini vacation.
“Jiwoo's dream destination is Fiji and now we’re here,” San said, watching his girlfriend with love and adoration. You chuckled, watching San run after Jiwoo to join her little hyper session.
“We’re gonna go rest for a while,” Seonghwa stated, holding Aeji's hand.
Wooyoung smirked. “I know what that means,” he said, earning a smack on his head from the older man before the couple went to their beach house in the chain of houses.
Hongjoong took your hand in his, intertwining it. “We’re gonna rest too. See you all for dinner,” he said, dragging you along to your little beach house.
The two of you walked in comfortable silence, sandals leaving prints on the sand, observing the various hues of orange, red, blue, and purple in the beautiful sky as the sun was setting. Hongjoong let go of your hand when you reached your beach house, pausing in his tracks. You gave him a questioning look, wondering why he wasn’t going inside.
He cleared his throat, moving his hands to wrap around your waist. “You’re the only one who could tame my temper, as the boys always say," he started, making you giggle. “The only one who could make my heart beat so fast. I’ve never wanted anything more in life than to be with you. You aren’t just my girlfriend, you’re my best friend and the love of my life. But now I’d like to change that,” he reached into his pocket, taking out a small velvet box.
Hongjoong got down on one knee, and you gasped, realizing what was about to happen. “I’d like to be upgraded from your boyfriend to your fiancé.” You chuckle at that and he opened the box, revealing a beautiful oval-shaped diamond ring.
“Moon Kiah, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
“Yes!” you squealed, face beaming with happiness. Hongjoong took your hand in his, sliding the ring onto your finger. He got up and you pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. When you pulled away, he grinned before placing a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you. Thank you for bringing light to my life.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck. “I love you too, Joong. So much.” Hongjoong chuckled, pulling you into a sweet kiss.
You couldn’t wait for this new chapter in your life, spending it with Hongjoong by your side for the rest of eternity.
#ateez#ateez mafia au#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez angst#ateez fluff#ateez smut#ateez mafia imagines#ateez reactions#Hongjoong#ateez kim hongjoong#kim hongjoong#san#seonghwa#yeosang#choi san#mingi#wooyoung#jongho#yunho#jeong yunho#kang yeosang#song mingi#choi jongho#park seonghwa#mafia ateez#ateez fanfiction#ateez fanfics#ateez hongjoong imagines#Hongjoong smut
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Upside Down CH-1
Author’s Note: Hi, yes, hello, welcome to the fic series that no one asked for! Do I have other things I need to finish? Yes! But has this been the only thing on my mind for the past four days? Also yes! For some reason I was incapable of writing anything else! Thanks, brain, for this out of the blue obsession!
Tags: Reverse AU
Word Count: 4587
Next Chapter
Hell Away From Hell
Wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was a mistake. It had to be. Although, with every clink of your restraints, your reality was becoming ever clearer. The chains rattled, echoing down the hall like a set of twisted wind chimes. Ones that sung of your dismal fortune. The demon ahead of you yanked the lead attached to your cuffs, sending you stumbling forward. You bit your lip to keep from cursing. Steading your body, you took their less-than-subtle message and picked up the pace. Keeping your eyes glued towards your destination, your stomach sank to your knees. Why? Why had you been brought to the castle? You hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, not anything to warrant being escorted by the palace guards in chains. And as they led you silently inside, past the polished halls and gaudy antiques, your fate pounded just fervently in your mind as your heart was in your chest.
They were going to present you in front of the prince.
It was torture in and of itself just making it to the throne room. The worst part about it all was your rampant imagination. You could only imagine what type of horrific techniques the prince was aware of. Halting in front of the large double doors, the demon behind you moved to open the entrance. Holding it open, the guard tugging you along guided you in. You managed to take only a few steps inside the room before you were practically thrown inside, your body tumbling over the ground. Both the guards smirked at you, flashing their pointed fangs in their conceited gestures before shutting the door, leaving you alone inside.
“MC.” All the air inside your lungs had conveniently escaped. Lifting your chest off the ground, you tightened your lips as you met his gaze. Those glistening emerald eyes pierced right through you. Quickly, you lowered your eyes, attempting to show as much respect as you could to gain his favor.
“M-my lord.”
The melodic note that left his throat was a mix between a laugh and a coo. “Now, now, none of that groveling. I had you brought here to ask you a favor!” You could hear him stand to his feet, and you watched his shoes approach, clicking against the marbled tile. Then, you felt the smooth skin of his hand caress your right horn. The sudden sensitive feeling had your tail rapidly twitch and tuck under your leg. He pushed your horns back, raising your chin so you could look up at him. His dark hair drifted down across his forehead, curling around his horns that curved above his head like a broken halo, his face soft and inviting, and yet your gut wouldn’t let you believe it. “Please, from now on, just call me Simeon.”
Simeon hummed as he lifted his tea cup to his lips. He had been hospitable enough, but you still couldn’t shake this feeling of unease. Plus...what he had brought you in to ask you was...well, something short of insanity. You continued to rub your wrists where your constraints had been. And as much as the prince of hell apologized for his guard’s brutish behavior, you had a feeling it was purposeful. A message of sorts. Even now, as he had his little servant bring in sweets and tea as sickly sweet as it could get, it all tasted bitter to your tongue. “So let me get this straight,” you started. “You want me to be a member of this…”
The prince tilted his head, eyes practically shining. “Restoration program.”
You cleared your throat after the little scone this blonde demon had given you made your throat run dry. “R-right. And I’m assuming I don’t have a choice in the matter?”
His voice was soft, but the light reflecting off his horns and his fangs suggested another answer. “We all have choices, MC.”
Swallowing your nervousness, you lowered your head again. “But, with all due respect, sir...why? Why a restoration program?”
Another voice chuckled behind your figure. “Because, why not?” You strained your neck, getting a view at the newcomer behind you. White hair, a mischievous smile, and something unknown swimming at the back of those dark eyes. Not only that, but the figure was wearing clothes as pure as clouds, with a certain glow to him.
Simeon stood, hand out to greet this person as if they were an old friend-and for all you knew, they might’ve been. “Solomon, how good to see you.”
The new guest-now known to you as Solomon-beamed. “Likewise. You’re looking well.” He turned, giving you a once-over to take you in before nodding. “And you are MC, yes?”
Glaring, already feeling your skin about to burn, you leaned away from him. “And you’re an angel.” Your distrustful attitude let him frown for just a moment, but whether it was just his angelic nature or his personality, that smile was right back on his face.
“Yes, well, the plan requires an angel, so Simeon personally asked me for my hand in this matter.”
The both of them could tell that you were unbelievably confused, so Simeon gestured for the angel to take a seat at the table. “Luke.” The prince gestured to his small servant, the one who had not only brought you sweets but had taken the liberty to be staring you down the entire time. Finally, he turned his attention away from you. “Please do me a favor and get our new guest some refreshments.” The lesser demon squinted at you, nearly growled at the angel, and then took his leave with rapid little steps. Simeon laughed quietly to himself. “Don’t worry about him, he’s not used to others quite yet. But, MC.” With your name mentioned, you straightened your posture. “I’ve been planning this for quite some time. It’s been a desire of mine to bring the three realms closer together.” You couldn’t help but wonder why, what purpose it served, but you kept your mouth shut. “And while I’ve started to make decent progress fixing the old wounds between the Devildom and Celestial Realm, most of my kingdom and Solomon’s people refuse to make connections with the humans.”
Mortals...even just the mention managed to leave a heavy pit in your stomach. “If I may speak.” You waited for the prince’s go-ahead before speaking your mind. “What would be the point of connecting with the humans? They serve little purpose. They’re either so corrupt they destroy their own kind or they think they’re so pure they isolate themselves or get themselves killed in the name of their twisted justice.” Speaking so passionately against the idea, you didn’t realize your nails had grown into talons, leaving marks in the wooden table. You took a breath, reclaiming your typical form. “They can’t even do themselves any good, what makes you think they’d be good for our realms?”
Solomon, an expression of understanding mixed with pity, bounced a little in his seat. “That’s the question, isn’t it?” He turned his head to Simeon, who was nodding at you with a bit of approval.
“That’s what this plan is all about. Testing them, observing them. We’ll be watching these humans, and at the end of this project, we’ll be able to determine if they’re ready and worthy of being brought together with us.” The ruler crossed one leg over the other, his tone making it sound as it was as simple as eating pie.
Setting down the fork to your pastry, you felt a sense of dread wash over you. “And by we you mean?”
“Why, you and Solomon of course! A demon and an angel, both working together to restore the bond between the human world and ours! The Demonic and Angelic Restoration program! Or D.A.R. -dare- for short.” If it weren’t for the horns, you’d almost think this demon was an angel with the way he eagerly talked about restoring bonds and bettering the nature of the realms. But, then you felt nauseous.
“What...what exactly do you need me to do to help with this...program? And why me?”
It was actually the angel that spoke up. “I’m sure you’re aware of the Morningstars?”
It was such a silly question, you ended up scoffing. “Who doesn’t down here? Those brothers are filled with so much corruption and chaos they end up fueling about half the lesser demons down here...why?”
They both straight up ignored your question and instead asked you some of their own. Simeon leaned forward, looking at you intently. “It took me quite a bit of time to find you MC. Most people don’t know you exist, and those that do hardly know your name. You simply are known to most as Isolation. Is it true that you’ve never made a pact with a human? Rumor is that you even refuse to subsist off their sins. And you’ve never taken a soul? That’s typically unheard of nowadays.”
Shifting in your seat, you gave it to them straight. “It’s true. I do whatever I can to avoid contact. Haven’t even seen a human in the past millennia. Haven’t talked to one in about twice that time.”
Clapping his hands together, Simeon let out an amazed sigh. “Perfect. You will be able to have a fresh eye! A clean slate. An unbiased--well, mostly unbiased opinion. You won’t be tempted to corrupt them, you’ll give me honest answers.”
“Plus,” the angel agreed, “if you have the strength and willpower to live without human sustenance and influence for this long, you probably will have the patience to keep from killing them. If anyone could manage to live with the Morningstars, it would be you, from what I’ve heard.”
You were grateful you had put down your drink a while ago. Your breath caught in your throat. “Wait, excuse me, what did you say? Live...with the…”
“Mr. Morningstar!” A laugh, a handshake, even a pat on the shoulder, it nearly made you ill watching the upcoming king of the Devildom greet a human like this so casually. You couldn’t help but sneak glances at this mortal...one of the Morningstars, the eldest. The one who fueled the most demons without even knowing about it. People down in the Devildom called him by Pride. A human world CEO-whatever that meant. He was powerful, influential, not to mention ridiculously rich. And he’d do whatever it took to keep his status, even at the misfortune of plenty of other people. His suit and posture told you pretty much all you needed to know about him. A fancy well tailored pitch black suit, a striking red tie with a subtle but regal diamond design, diamond cufflinks, the works. It was as if dust and winkles knew to avoid him entirely. His hair was as dark as his suit, save for the ends which were greying. He didn’t seem that old, so you wondered if it was intentional or simply stress. You thought you heard someone say that once, that humans could get grey hair from stress. Did they all possess capabilities to change their hair based on their emotions? That human lady you saw outside the building with the blue hair must’ve been feeling something intense.
“Mr-” The human you had come to see was cut off.
“Please, you know to call me Simeon by now!”
The mortal cleared his throat. “Simeon…” The human glanced at you, and raised his chin as he took Simeon by the shoulders and brought him away from you. If you had been a human, it would’ve been a decent tactic to keep you out of earshot. Unfortunately, you could still hear everything they were saying. “I know you have good standing with the company, and I’m pleased to know you respect and trust me with such a task, but...this is far from business.” You could feel his eyes on you. “I have to respectfully decline your request. I don’t think I can allow them to live with us for a year. You know my family.”
“It would only be for a year, and I know you have plenty of room in that house of yours!” Simeon laughed a bit and then lowered his voice. You could feel the alluring pull of his influence flood the space. The human stiffened, his intuition picking up on a shift in the room. “Besides, Lucifer. You know I wouldn’t ask for a favor like this without some proper and well deserved remuneration. Listen...I happen to have something on the head of that business owner that’s been butting heads with your company. Wouldn’t it be nice to have them completely out of the picture? Not only is that increasing your profit, but if they happen to...I don’t know, completely go bankrupt, that little building of theirs on the corner of Main is some prime real estate.” Reaching into his pocket, Simeon pulled out a small...plastic...rectangle of sorts, with metal on one end. “I got everything right here.” Smiling, one hand firmly against Lucifer’s upper back, he looked him right in the eyes and whispered something you knew would have this human caught. “You can’t let them bother you like this. You need to show them and everyone else who you are, and that you’re not to be messed with.”
It took the mortal a moment of internal struggle. Decline the offer and figure things out himself without assistance? Or swallow the smallest bit of ego for self satisfaction? Either way, this mortal was past helping. Already drowning in pride. Eventually, he gripped the object, tucking it into a pocket beneath his suit jacket. Despite being handed assistance, he still found a way to be demanding. “Alright, but no more than a year, and if I feel like anything is going awry, I’m sending them away. Is it really too unreasonable to just set them up on their own? Surely for you it’s no problem.”
Backing up slightly after his incentive worked, Simeon shook his head. “I would feel endlessly guilty leaving alone, desolate, isolated, after what happened. Poor thing...they haven’t even said a word to me in days.” That last part wasn’t a lie. You’d nearly refused to say anything to him since being dragged to the human world. Prince or no prince. “My poor cousin, suddenly losing all their family like that. It’s tragic, isn’t it? Losing people you love?”
Lucifer, with his arms folded, let his hand tightly grip the fabric of one of his sleeves. His eyes lowered the slightest touch, his jaw tightening. “It...is...I know it all too well.” You caught a hint of some emotion from the mortal.
“Then you know that what would be best for them right now is company. Trust me, I wouldn’t have brought them to you if I didn’t think it would help. Besides, this is a win for all parties involved, right?” Simeon gestured to the gift Lucifer had tucked away, and the last string of resistance had been snipped.
Sighing, the human looked at the luxurious watch on his wrist. “I’ll take them home. Let my brothers know what’s happening. Is it too much to assume they’ll be better behaved with a guest in the house?”
Laughing once more, the prince shrugged. If only Lucifer knew who he was in the presence of. “You’ll all just have to find out!” Patting the other man on the shoulder, Simeon then came over to you with his arms outstretched. “It’s all settled, MC!” He pulled you into a hug, taking the time to speak quietly to you. “Remember to keep your identity a secret. I’ll be checking up on you and Solomon once a month for a report. Keep them safe. Play nice.” He pulled apart, coming around behind you and settling his hands on your shoulders. “And remember, what Mr. Morningstar is doing is unbelievably nice, so make sure to thank him and keep yourself out of trouble.”
You broke your vow of silence out of irritation. “I’m not a child you’re sending away to school. I know how to keep my own head on my shoulders.” You attempted to brush his hands off but the grip was tightened. Swallowing your frustration, you kept yourself from grimacing, looking at the fabled Lucifer Morningstar. “Thank you...for letting me live with you.”
For a human, he had a tenacity for picking up on things. He noticed your lie, giving you a stare down of his own before grabbing his phone. You only recently figured out what those devices were. Simeon had made sure he gifted you one of your own, since apparently it was the main source of communication in this realm. Too strange, but you picked it up fairly quickly. Lucifer just raised his head and pressed his cell against his ear. “Just make sure you refrain from being as irksome as my brothers.” The line he was dialing picked up. “Yes, have a driver prepare to come pick me up. And someone please contact my brothers for me so they know I’m bringing home a...guest.”
It was going to be a long year…
The...metal contraption rumbled, making your head feel light. Without magic to get around, they had to use...these things. The movement slowed till it came to a stop. Looking out the pane of glass, you peered forward to see what the issue was. A big red circular light shone a bright crimson in front of the lane. Was it a threat? If so, why was the world seemingly filled with them? Then the eye turned green and the long carriage rumbled back to life. It was completely different than the last time you had been here.
“Before you even step foot in my home, we need to set some ground rules.” Even just the sound of his voice almost physically rubbed you the wrong way. You bit the inside of your cheek. Play nice, the prince had said. How long could you keep your patience around these mortals? You looked up at him, feeling him stare you down to the corrupt depths of your soul. “Since you’re going to be living with us for so long, you’re going to have to follow the same rules I give my brothers? Understand?”
Was this all worth it? Would having your soul be torn to shreds be that bad? “Yes.”
He nodded, then decided his attention would be better focused towards whatever he had on that electronic device of his. He gave you orders without even looking at you. No wonder all the lesser demons who fawned after him were so pretentious. “No parties. No pets. You can stay up however long you want, but you must be back at the house no later than midnight. You can have your own room but you must keep it clean, don’t expect me to hire a maid for you. You’re responsible for looking after yourself. I might be providing a roof over your head, but anything you need is up to you. You break anything, you’re responsible for replacing it. Just use the basic level of common sense and we should have no trouble. Hopefully the year will be over before we—oh excuse me.” Without another word he picked another call, his third one since you’d been blackmailed into this ride. You just gave a gentle sigh and stared out the window. Just a few days ago you’d still existed in your botherless existence. A personal utopia of your own making. Now you were in this...hell away from hell, the scent of smog and exhaust still burning the inside of your nose.
The rest of the ride was spent with you trying to think of ways to escape this fate, but finding none in sight. You didn’t need to fully see the building to get this overwhelming wave of impurity. The tempting allure of sin. Practically a demon buffet. These morons were just screaming to be killed or worse, eaten. Even just approaching the gate to the driveway, you could see remnants of spirits, demons without full forms clawing at the fence. Wisps of black sinking into their sidewalk. But not even those, you could smell the presence of other lesser demons...but more dangerous ones. Outside the gate were small crowds, not too many, but enough to safely conceal their presence. Photographers, journalists, fans, wherever they were, they were eager to get in. And amongst the rabble stood demons pretending to be mortals in an attempt to sink their fangs into one of the Morningstars. You slunk down in your seat, trying to conceal your presence, but you were sure they’d be able to feel you. The car slipped past all of them, approaching the first set of gates. Whoever was patrolling the vehicle pressed their fingers against a small pad attached to a pillar by the gate. It waited for a moment, then made an affirming noise before the gate swung open. The cries of mortal and hidden demons alike pleading for the smallest sliver of attention from this human made you feel sick.
Despite having nearly ignored you the whole time, Lucifer scoffed. “You’ll get used to it.” The curved metal fence shut behind you, and the sound of the crowd slowly faded as you pulled up in front of the massive house. If anything, it reminded you a little of home. It was an old fashioned looking house, but fanciful nonetheless. With dark stone, piercing towers, arched windows, and an overall gothic aesthetic. You managed to take a moment to breathe. At least there was one silver lining. Lucifer stepped out of the idle vehicle first, paying you no mind as he approached the steps to the door. Slightly panicking, you tried simply pushing the door before noticing the small handle. Pulling it unlocked it, and you rapidly exited, feeling the motion sickness fade with your feet on the ground. You followed the mortal to the door, and was slightly pleased when he put his phone away to open the door, leaving it open for you. Lucifer shut the door, a small high pitched noise ringing through your ears. You turned and watched him mess with a little panel near the door. “Our security is top of the market. I make sure the code is changed every day, so if you’re not inside by midnight, I hope you enjoy camping.”
You were about to speak up about that, but both of you were bombarded with noise. A noise you would later learn to get used to. “Oi! Lucifer!” A bundle of energy came racing down the stairs. Wild hair, dark skin, rings on nearly every finger, you recognized this individual without having to ask his name. You could feel the influence. Greed. Demons almost loved this brother more than Pride, because from what you’d heard, he’d make deals impulsively with demons without knowing their true intentions. As long as money or something expensive was in front of him, he’d jump for anything. It had gotten him in more than enough trouble, and it made him too much of a prime target. At least Lucifer knew how to look over his shoulder. The second brother confronted the eldest. He didn’t even glance at you. “Hey, I need some cash! For some reason my card keeps declining...you can spot me right?”
Lucifer didn’t even hesitate. “No.”
“Eh? Why not?! I did that thing the other day for you, remember?”
“Hm?” Lucifer tilted his head, taking the time to recall-or pretending to. “Which thing would that be? Would it have been before or after you stole and immediately maxed out my card?” Lowering his eyes, the older one gave off a menacing smile.
Mammon took a step back, muttering. “O-oh you found about that, huh?”
The smile turned into a full on yell. “Of course I found out! I got a call from the bank as soon as they saw the purchase! What exactly do you need a golden tiger statue for, Mammon? Seriously, you’re absolutely ridiculous! I returned it by the way, and in the meantime I cancelled all your cards.” Mammon went to open his mouth in anger but didn’t have the chance to say anything. “You can try to find some extra work to pay off all the bills you’ve left me with. And if I think you’re ready, I’ll reopen your accounts in two months.” The effort of shouting sent Pride’s eye twitching. He lifted a hand to press against his forehead, the blood draining from his face. You shifted ever so slightly in your spot and he groaned. “Right, you’re here. Mammon, this is MC.”
Eyebrows raised, he jumped a little when he finally spotted you were in the room. “Wait, wait, wait, that whole thing with someone staying with us for a year wasn’t a joke?”
“No.” Although the slight warble to his voice seemed that that fact was just now settling in. “It wasn’t. And since you’ve so kindly volunteered yourself, you can take their bags and show them to their room.” He simply turned. No welcome, no tour, no warmth in those cold eyes of his.
“Hey! Come back here!” Yet the younger sibling showed no signs of chasing after him. “Lucifer!” His older brother just quickly headed up the stairs and disappeared into the house. Was it really going to require a full year of observation? Just from what you were seeing right now, you wanted nothing to do with humans. Nothing. Mammon ran a hand through his hair, one of his strands getting stuck in one of his rings, but he tugged it out without noticing, like it was a daily occurrence. “I can’t believe this.” You could watch as the anger started to swell within him. “Screw this, I’m out of here!” You were ready for him to leave, to give into his emotions. He had wrapped his hand around the door handle before he stopped. Pausing, he just tutted to himself before shoving his hands in his jacket-pockets, looking in your direction but not fully at you. “You want the guest room we have upstairs or down?” Loud, brash, rude in some ways, but there was a weird sort of innocence about him. You simply shrugged. He nodded, grasping one of your bags suddenly, gesturing you to follow. “I’ll give you the downstairs one. Most of our rooms are on the second floor, so it’s a bit quieter down here, plus it stays cooler.” He led you past the entrance hall and back into the rest of the house. “Plus, it’s easier to sneak out from here, but you didn’t hear that from me. I’m guessing Lucifer gave you the whole rule spiel?”
You restrained the urge to roll your eyes. “Yeah.”
He hissed in air through his teeth. “Sucks, man, are you sure you want to stay here?”
The pain around your wrists was still too prominent. Etched into your skin was a mark, a line of runes and symbols around your wrists. Who knew demons could give temporary pacts to other demons? Simeon ensured you a small fraction of his power, just in case you ran into trouble. But in exchange he had a hold on you, able to summon you to him whenever he needed you. It was your chain keeping you imprisoned here. There was no running. There was no hiding. “I didn’t have a choice.”
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me imagines#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me beel#obey me belphie#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me luke
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Reality Check - Chapter 1
Well. I mentioned an idea. You guys seemed to like it. Who am I to deny you guys what you want? It’s only just beginning. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. If you don’t, you could be sucked into the reality too.
Summary: Y/N and Wanda were very close after returning in 2023. The two bonded over the loss of their partners. It wasn’t enough to keep Wanda grounded after she found Vision’s body though, and Wanda wants the best for her friend. Unfortunately for Y/N, this means she’s going to be thrown into a reality she wasn’t expecting.
You woke up the sound of birds chirping and the sun blazing into your room from the window. The bed was warm from the sunlight, but you weren’t focused on that. Your head was pounding, as if the birds were more like freight trains going through a station. You couldn’t even remember when you went to sleep last night. Were you drinking the night before?
Actually, why does your room seem bigger than it was? The alcohol must’ve played with your mind more than you realized. You shook the thoughts out as you heard a light knock on the door.
“Come in,” You called out to the mystery person. The door opened with a small creak, and the person revealed themselves.
It was Loki.
He was dressed in a suit, carrying a tray that had several plates and a glass on it. One plate contained eggs and sausage, another had toast with butter on it, and next to it, an apple. (What color was it? Why couldn’t you tell?) The glass had water, and finally, there was a small vase next to that containing a single tulip.
“Loki,” You smiled lightly. You quickly sat up in bed as he walked over, a small smile on his face.
“Good morning, love. I figured I would offer you a little breakfast before I left for work.” He placed the tray down on your lap gently. He sat down next to you for a moment, admiring your features.
You laughed a little at how romantic he could be. “You’re too sweet to me sometimes. Almost as sweet as this apple is,” You stated as you quickly grabbed the apple, tossing it in the air, and then taking a bite out of it once you caught it again. You grinned at him as you heard something behind you. It almost sounded like laughter.
“I could never. I just want to show you how much I love you,” He kissed the top of your head. You stared at him lovingly for a moment as you pondered a thought.
“I don’t think I’ll ever understand how we got this far.”
“Me neither,” He laid a hand on your cheek, kissing your head once more. “Well, I should leave before I’m late. Mr. Hart will have my head if I’m late again.” He chuckled.
You nodded and said goodbye to Loki as he made his way towards the door. For a brief moment pain panged your chest. A sadness that you couldn’t pinpoint. It was like your heart felt that everything would be over as soon as Loki left, but you couldn’t understand why.
“Oh, and darling, don’t forget about visiting our new neighbors. Agnes said they just moved in a few days ago. Perhaps we can show them around the neighborhood one day.”
“New neighbors? Well, I’ll pay them a visit after I finish this wonderful breakfast!”
~
After Loki left and you finished eating, you placed the dishes in the sink and went to get dressed. You found countless dresses and not a single seemingly comfortable outfit in your closet. You finally settled on a dress with a sweetheart neckline. It went down right past your knees and it was sleeveless. It looked the most comfortable out of the bunch at least.
You finally headed outside, where you were greeted with a clear sky and several neighbors outside, mowing their lawns or leaving for work. You smiled and waved to many of them. Herb, your next door neighbor, waved back, forgetting that he was mowing. Just as you were about to warn him, he mowed over a rubber ball that was in the way, causing pieces to fly everywhere. You giggled lightly and shook your head.
It wasn’t hard to find the new neighbors’ house as it still had a box or two on the deck. You quickly walked over and knocked on the door. “Just one moment!” You heard a voice call out from the house. Her voice sounded so familiar to you, yet you couldn’t pinpoint who it could’ve been.
The woman opened the door with a bright smile. Just as she was about to greet you, her smile faltered. She recognized you immediately. She shook the thoughts out of her head. “Good afternoon!” She said.
“Howdy neighbor! I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood!” You responded. You didn’t know what you wanted to do. Something seemed off about the woman.
“Why thank you!” She exclaimed. “Please, come on in, I’m Wanda.” She smiled.
You walked into the home, admiring how well-kept it was already for someone who just moved in. “I’m (Y/N)! It’s a pleasure to meet you. What brings you here to Westview?”
“Oh, well my husband and I decided it was time to settle down and we thought Westview was the perfect place.”
“How wonderful! Where’s your husband if I may ask?” You asked, sitting down on the couch.
Wanda sat down next to you, moving a magazine that was still on the cushion. Agnes must’ve been here already. “Oh, he just went to work! His name is Vision,” She smiled.
“Aw, and how long have you guys been together?” You asked. For a split second it seemed like Wanda was confused.
“Well, let’s just say it seems like time flies by and I can’t keep track of it.” She giggled. You smiled lightly at her response. “What about you? Do you have a husband?”
“Yes, Loki,” You shook your head at the thought of him. “It’s been a bumpy road to get to the place we’re at, but I love him and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“And how long have you two been together?”
You thought about it for a moment. You couldn’t answer it honestly. “I don’t quite know. We got married recently, though I couldn’t tell you the precise date. It seems like I’m the same way, I just can’t keep track of time!” The two of you laughed politely.
It led into a further conversation between the two of you, where you discovered that her anniversary is tonight and she was planning something special. You wished her the best of luck as you left, going back home. You had to get dinner ready for when Loki came home at least.
The walk back home seemed odd. The sun was shining, a few of your neighbors were outside walking their pets or going to run errands, but everything seemed... Fake. Like it was all just an act to you. The smiles on everyone’s faces were exaggerated, as if they were doing it just to prove to you that they’re happy.
The strangest thing happened when you passed by someone and accidentally knocked into their shoulder. You turned around quickly to apologize when you noticed their eyes were an emerald green. The color was so bright and that’s when it hit you: No other color seemed nearly as bright.
You apologized to him as he smiled and waved it off. He began to walk away as you watched him. You didn’t turn back until he turned the corner, out of your sight.
~
The day passed by rather quickly and Loki came home, giving you a kiss on the cheek as soon as he walked in. “Hello, darling,” He said sweetly.
“Hi honey, how was your day?” You asked, cutting a potato up to put in the stew you were making for dinner. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head on your shoulder, watching you cut it.
“Boring. The same old boss with the same old paperwork. Although there was a new guy in the department. Vision. Is he the new neighbor by chance?”
“He must be! I met his wife when I went over, Wanda. Oh she’s a sweetheart. It’s their anniversary tonight, but I think we should invite them over for dinner one day.”
“That sounds like a marvelous idea.” He smiled. You smiled back at him, but it seemed odd. He knew something was wrong after that.
“Darling? You seem off. Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all. Well, maybe... Okay, yes! Something seems wrong.” Once again you heard canned laughter in the back of your head. You shook the thought out of your head.
Loki took his hand in yours, placing the knife down, spinning you around. “What’s wrong?” He asked, tilting your chin up to look him in the eyes.
“I was walking home today and I bumped into someone. I’ve never seen him before, and you should’ve seen his eyes! They were green! Such a bright green.”
“Now, don’t go gushing about another man’s eyes or else I’ll get jealous,” He playfully glared. You smiled at the joke and rolled your eyes.
“Still, Loki. Something seemed wrong. They were just... Unusually bright. And I’ve seen everyone here. There’s something... Normal about everyone. He didn’t seem normal in the slightest bit.”
“Well, I know this may seem shocking to you, but we do have visitors every once in a while.”
You grabbed a piece of potato on the cutting board and flicked it to him lightly, making him pull away a little and laugh. “I’m just saying, don’t think too hard about it. You’ll give yourself a migraine that way.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” You sighed.
“Everything is quite alright.”
--------H̸̼͍̹̣͉͑̽̉ͅe̸͉̺̮͊̆l̸̬͕̙̖̤͉̦̗̉͆͑̿͋̈́l̵̢̬̟͇͇̰̠̤̼̺̺̯͉͋͑̈́̅ơ̵̧̛̰͉̠͔̯̾̅͌̈́̉͒̉͛͛̆?̵̨̟̻̼̲͉͚̫͖̭̦̲́̃͗̍̈́̽̓̐̋̔́̿ ̶̧̤̮̼̘̫̫͉́̈́̏̎̍͑̄̂̾̈̚ ̷͓͉̞͔̲͎̫̫͙͂̋̈́̑͜ͅC̶̨̛̐̓͑̂͌̚̚ͅͅȁ̸̘͇̟̻͆̚n̸̛̝͖̥̟̤̦͌̑̉͑̋̋̈́̔̇͐̕̕ ̶̝̹̭̰̰͚̭̩̭̭̳̈́y̶̡̩̼̑̀̆o̵̘̜̫̽̌͛̈́̅͛̋͂͋͠ų̸͈̂͗̔̆̉͑̔͑̿̃͑̚͝ ̷̢̫͔̞̰͉̦̱͙͓͉̀̊͛͜ͅh̷̼̱͚̗̭͎̳͔͕̒̇̌͆̔̐̽͋͜͜͜͝e̴̼̍̓ą̸͕̩͔͍̱͉͚̻͓̇̆̃̅̔̇̈ͅr̴̡̛̫̭̪̭̤̯̺̖̜̯̫̈̾̋͝ ̴̛̪͊̌͒͛̔̐̈́̊̏̿͝m̷̨̢̠̲̫̗̤̜̍̐̇͐̆̐̋̕ě̷̡̙̫̟̬͙͙͙̲͚̞̅̒̽?̴̧̻̠͉̩̥̒̓̀̅̀̊̿͒͑͠ͅ ̸͔̳̺͂̓̓́͛̾͜---------
“What have you seen from her side of the show?”
“It’s all just like Wanda’s. She’s trapped.”
#loki x reader#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#marvel#wandavision#wanda maximoff#vision#scarlet witch#avengers#reader#fanfiction#fanfic#romance#Reality Check Masterlist
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small talk- pietro maximoff
part 2
part 1 here
masterlist
pair: pietro maximoff x female!reader
summary: after being apart of the team of super soldiers that hydra experimented on, y/n was one of the successful experiments and had been released to the world. the winter soldier and the siren had become the most prolific assassin duo in the world. but what happens when they get taken in by the avengers? what happens when she meets a particularly fast superhero with an attitude?
warnings: swearing, mentions of trauma, alcohol, kissing but like only that, minor sexual jokes
a/n: hi !! i just wanted to say thank you so much for all the love and support of part 1 of small talk and bad liar omg <3 i also wanted to add a taglist to future fics so let me know if you want added it! make sure to specify if you want to be added to the marvel or the harry potter one bc i have a harry potter fic in the works rn! also i’m gonna write a part three that’s just cute bc i want to keep writing this character heheh
“wake up!” splash.
the feeling of cold water hitting your face shocked you awake and you sat up with a gasp. trails of blue flashed from beside your bed and out the door, the clang of a bucket hitting the floor. “pietro maximoff. i am going to kill your speedy ass!” you shouted, jumping out of bed. not even caring that you were only in a t-shirt and shorts, you chased after him, following the blue light.
the trails stopped eventually, and so did you. you glanced around, listening for any sign of him. you crept over to one of the couches and grabbed a pillow as a weapon. “where are you?” you called, i’m a sing-song voice.
you walked around the room, “come on, don’t hide from me now.” the faint sound of his breathing was heard along with the dripping water from your hair and t-shirt. you followed the sound of his shallow breaths to the island in the kitchen. you dropped the pillow, climbed up on the island and crawled across it before swung your head over the edge, in front of his. “hey there.
he gasped, “shit.” you flipped your hair back up and sat back on your knees. pietro stood up and turned to face you before bursting into fits of laughter.
“i don’t know what’s funny.” you mumbled, glaring up at him.
“yes you do, you look ridiculous.” he huffed between laughs.
“i won’t look ridiculous when i’m putting a bullet through your head.” you spat.
“calm down, love. it’s only a bit of fun.” he said.
“i was sleeping piet!” you protested. you moved your legs so that they were dangling off the edge.
“okay, i’m sorry. i’m sorry!”
“you better be. i’ll get you back though.”
he stepped forward and leaned his hands on the island, on either side of you. “will you, yeah?”
his head was an inch away from yours, you could feel his breath against your face. you saw his eyes drift from your eyes to your lips and back up again. he leaned in slightly and your breathing quickened. “what’re you doing?” you whispered.
“what do you think i’m doing?” he replied in the same hushed tone.
“something you should’ve done a long time ago.” you leaned in towards him, lips almost touching.
“good morning!” cap announced, walking into the kitchen, looking at his phone. you two broke apart quickly, pietro speeding and grabbing you a glass of orange juice and ten occupying himself by looking at something in the cupboard.
“hey cap.” you croaked, voice uneasy from the nerves coursing through your body. “morning steve.” pietro greeted, closing the cupboard and standing next to you on the counter. steve didn’t look up from his phone and didn’t notice your wet hair and clothes
“how’s our newest recruit?” he asked as he grabbed a mug from one of the shelves.
“steve, i’ve been here for like 6 months!” you complained.
he put the mug in the coffee machine and pressed a few buttons, “and? you’re still the newest.”
“might be the newest but i could still take you down old man.”
“don’t get too cocky kid, i think pietro’s rubbing off on you.”
“ew i’d rather go back to being tortured than be like him.” you joked.
“how dare you! you know you love being around me.”
you made fake gagging noise and steve let out a laugh. he finally turned around and looked at you two for the first time this morning.
“oh- uh y/n? what happened, why are you soaked?” he asked, averting his eyes from you. your eyes widened in realisation that you were wearing little-to-nothing in front of your captain and your t-shirt was clinging to your body.
“pietro is a dick is what happened.” you said, pushing yourself off the table. “if you’ll excuse me, i’ll go make myself decent.”
“you look decent all the time, love!” pietro called after you as you began to leave the kitchen. you swivelled round and flipped him off with both hands before leaving the room.
———
“do you remember when-“ you let out a giggle and pointed at bucky, “when we had to kill those french agents and you-“ another laugh, “you fell over a wall! god i mean because my brain was mush i couldn’t laugh but looking back on it that shit was hilarious!”
you and the team were recalling old missions gone wrong, with the assistance of alcohol obviously, and you were telling a story about you and bucky- much to his dismay.
“i didn’t fall.” he protested, taking a swig from the bottom of beer in his hand.
“so what happened then? did the sidewalk just crumble?” you questioned, laughing loudly. the rest of the team sat observing the interaction, large smiles across all their face. pietro sat to your left with his arm around your shoulder, a drink in his other hand.
“okay. maybe i did fall.” bucky mumbled causing a roar of laughter from everyone. “but, remember how we were running through a forest in, where was it again?-“
“bulgaria.” you said, already knowing where this was going.
“bulgaria! yes. and it was raining so it was super muddy and you got suck in the mud!” he laughed.
“you left me there! i had to drag myself out.” you complained.
“well we had a mission to complete! you would’ve done the same.”
you rolled your eyes, “you’re right. i would have.” you felt pietro laugh from beside you and you smiled at him. “time for a refill.” you announced, pushing yourself up off the sofa. you wandered to the kitchen and took the bottle of wine on the table and poured some into your glass. due to the alcohol already in your system you spilled a little on the counter, “shit.” you muttered.
“need some help there?” pietro asked.
“i can pour wine myself thank you very much.” you retorted.
“i think the table disagrees.” he chuckled.
“shut up.” you groaned. pietro sped from the door to grab a towel and stopped behind you. he reached over your shoulder and wiped the spilled wine up. his breath was hot against your neck. you turned around, wine glass in hand, and looked up into his eyes. his hands remained on either side of you.
“this is the second time we’ve ended up here.” he mumbled.
“good observation, captain obvious.” you teased. pietro rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh.
pietro took his right hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, staring into your eyes. he kept his hand on the side of your head and leant in slightly for the second time in the past week. your breathing deepened and your heart was thumping against your chest. you tilted your head up towards his head and your lips were almost touching, just as they were a few days ago
“y/n! can you get me a whiskey before you come back?!” tony called from the other room.
pietro groaned in frustration and pulled away from you, tilting his head up. “i’m going to kill those avengers.”
“good luck with that speedy.” you said, tapping his chest lightly.
he stepped away from you, letting you leave his embrace to get tony a drink. after pouring him a glass of whiskey and grabbing your glass of wine, you and pietro entered the room filled with your team. his hand was placed in the small of your back, guiding you back to the sofa.
you handed tony his drink and he smiled at you, “thanks kid.”
pietro sat on the couch and you flopped down beside him, his arm resuming its place of around your shoulder. you swung your legs up and across pietro’s legs, earning a few looks from nat and clint. they looked at each other and raised their eyebrows with a smirk.
steve and bucky were telling a story of a party they went to in the 40s and how bucky had to drag him to dance with these girls they met. you took a sip of your drink and noticed pietro’s eyes glancing at your lips, “want a sip?” you asked, smirking because you knew that’s not what he was looking at.
he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek and sighed, “watch it, y/l/n.”
“oooooooh we’re on last name terms now?” you teased, smiling.
“yeah if you keep pissing me off we will be.”
“don’t be so easy to piss off.” you replied.
he leaned over and whispered in your ear, “cant help it. i’m frustrated.”
you pushed out your bottom lip in an overdramatic pout, “boohoo.”
tony then shot forward in his seat and clapped his hands together, “tomorrow you two,” he said, pointing at you and bucky, “are gonna have a little fashion show, i’ve been working on some suits for you guys and i need your input.”
“wait really?” you asked.
“yup. i’m not having you two going on missions in your hydra gear.” he explained.
“shit, thanks tony.” bucky replied.
“where’s my suit?” pietro questioned.
“you’ll get on eventually. your girlfriend is just a little more improtant.”
“i was here first.” he protested.
“girlfriend?” you asked at the same time.
“wait your turn, turbo.” tony said.
pietro scoffed and everyone laughed at the interaction.
nat stretched her arms behind her head and yawned, “alright losers, i’m going to bed.”
“yeah, me too.” clint added.
eventually everyone had made their way upstairs and all that was left was you, tony and pietro.
“okay. what’s going on here?” tony asked, wagging his finger between you guys. pietro’s hand was now resting on your leg which was still across his.
“nothing.” you said.
“uh huh? yeah that bullshit doesn’t work on me kiddo.”
“piet, sure nothing has happened.” you glanced at him and a look of annoyance crossed his face.
“yeah stark. nothings happened.” he replied through gritted teeth.
“well if anything does happen, stay safe.” he winked at you two, “and if you hurt her, speedy, she’ll probably hurt you back worse.”
you laughed, “hell yeah i will.”
“oh i know you will.”
“goodnight .” tony said as he stood up from his chair and left the room.
you swung your legs off pietro and stood up, “well goodnight piet.” a smirk grew across your face as you began to walk away.
“nope.” he stated, grabbing your wrist and turning you back around. he pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him, legs on either side of him. he placed his hand on the back of your neck and pulled your head towards his before crashing your lips onto his.
the kiss was heated, after being denied it twice before. your hands moved from his shoulders to the back of his neck and his moved to your waist. his fingers dug into your hips causing you to moan slightly, he took this opportunity to intertwine his tongue with yours.
eventually you broke apart, both gasping for air. you placed your forehead against his and closed your eyes.
“you don’t understand how long i’ve wanted to do that.” he muttered.
“worth it?” you asked, teasing him.
“nope.” he joked.
you leaned back and glared at him, “you bitch.” you leaned in and kissed him again, running your fingers through his hair and pulling it slightly. he groaned against your lips and you smiled through the kiss, enjoying the effect you had on him.
pulling away for the second time, you both had content smiles on your faces. you leaned your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes, “you’re comfortable.”
he let out a hearty laugh, “thank you?”
“it’s a compliment, i could sit here forever.”
suddenly you were no long sitting on top of him, you were being picked up and whisked through the building. your hair blew around until you stopped and were in your room. “what just happened?”
“i’m tired and the couch didn’t seem good to sleep on.” he explained.
“woah, woah, woah. who said you’re sleeping in my room?”
“i did.” he stated. using his powers he stripped himself down to his underwear and jumped on your bed, under the covers.
“i regret kissing you. you’re a pain in the ass.” you complained.
“and you called me a bitch?!” he exclaimed.
you rolled your eyes and grabbed your pyjamas that were at the foot of your bed and walked to your bathroom.
“where are you going?” he asked.
“getting changed, i don’t want you watching.”
you closed the door to block out his protests and quickly got ready for bed.
“hurry up.” pietro called.
“stop complaining or i’m going to sleep on the couch.” you replied, opening the door and leaning against the doorframe. pietro was sat with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes raked over your body and a small smirk grew on his face. “eyes up here pretty boy.”
he laughed and pulled back the cover before patting the spot next to him, signalling for you to join him. you shuffled over and slid into the bed. pietro wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.
“so much for the whole tough super soldier act, you’re a softie at heart, aren’t you love?” he muttered in your ear.
“anymore of that and i’ll suffocate you in your sleep with this pillow.” you replied, closing your eyes and relaxed into his embrace.
“no you won’t. you’re too soft.” he teased.
“pietro. i’m warning you.” you yawned, “i don’t care how good looking you are i will kill you.”
“good looking huh?”
“fuck off and go to sleep.” you spat.
“sweet dreams, y/n.” he said with a small laugh.
“yep they won’t be about you.” you murmured, before dozing off to sleep.
———
“i knew it!” nat squealed. you squeezed your eyes close and then opened them, blinking rapidly. pietro lay behind you with his arm draped over your waist. he groaned against your neck and looked over his shoulder at the team standing at the door.
“piet what’s going on?” you grumbled, too tired to sit up and look for yourself.
“so when did this happen?” cap asked.
you finally turned over and sat up, seeing everyone stood in your room. “what the fuck? get out my room you creeps!” you shouted, grabbing the pillow behind your head and throwing it towards them.
“oh come on kid, when did it happen?” he repeated.
“none of your business steve.”
“we’re not leaving until we find out.” clint added.
“you’re awfully quiet little brother, nothing to add?” wanda said.
“i cant believe this.” you muttered, lying back down.
“last night, happy? but all we did was kiss okay, nothing else.” you explained.
“yet.” pietro stated. you elbowed him in the stomach and he winced at the impact.
“so are you two together now?” nat asked.
“well we haven’t had the chance to speak about it because you guys ruined our morning!” you exclaimed.
“what’s going on?” bucky asked, rubbing his eyes. he peered in over everyone and laughed, “nevermind.”
it seemed that pietro had had enough too so he sped out of bed and pushed everyone outside the room, closed the door and locked it. “much better.” he said.
you heard the murmurs of everyone outside, “use a condom!” clint shouted. footsteps retreated from your door as everyone left to go about their day.
“i’m moving out i can’t live here anymore.” you groaned.
“it’s not that bad, you’ve got me.” he said, crawling back onto the bed and lying on top of you. you wrapped your arms around his head and played with his hair.
“so are we like together now?” you asked, mocking natasha’s previously asked question.
“would you like that?” he asked.
“god no.” you joked, “obviously dumbass.”
he lifted his head up and leaned in to kiss you.
“nope. you’ve not brushed your teeth.”
#quicksilver x reader#pietro maximoff x reader#pietro maximoff imagine#pietro x reader#pietro maximoff#quicksilver#mcu fanfiction#marvel cinematic universe#marvel imagine#marvel
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I’m so excited that your doing these requests!🥳 could you please do prompt 36 from prompt list 1 with javier please, think I would cry😂💖 Thankyoux
Oh, okay, I see what you’re doing to me here! 🥺😌 Enjoy!
Prompt: 36. “Does he know about the baby?”
Javi x Fem!Reader ; warnings: language, pregnancy
Javier Masterlist
»»————- ♡ ————-««
You knocked on Connie and Steve’s door, hesitating for just a moment before opening once you heard her call to you. As soon as you walked into the Murphy’s place, you were overwhelmed with the smell of her delicious cooking. You grinned as you walked in, following the smell of the percolating coffee.
“Good morning,” you grinned at Steve who was setting the table. He looked up and smiled, offering you a small wave. You were just about in the kitchen when you felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around your waist before you were held against a strong chest. His smell immediately overwhelmed your senses as he pressed a few kisses to your bare shoulder; you’d purposely worn a sundress, one you knew he loved just to tease him a little...and for one other very specific purpose - but he wasn’t privy to that just yet, “good morning, Javier.”
“Good morning to you, Dulzura,” he whispered in your ear before pressing a kiss to your cheek, “you had to wear that little dress, didn’t you? You drive me crazy sometimes.”
“Hmmm,” you mused as you hastily pulled out of his grasp before turning to face him and pressing a kiss to his lips, “maybe I like to mess with you...maybe I just really like this dress.”
“You are…” his hands his found purchase on your hips as he gave them a gentle squeeze, kissing along your jaw before stopping at the shell of your ear, his warm breath tickling you, “an absolute little -”
“Hi babe!” Connie beamed when she stuck her head out from the kitchen, her smile stretching from ear to ear, “so glad you made it! Do you mind giving me a hand real quick with finishing up? Javi - let the poor thing breath for a moment.”
Javi sighed dramatically before hanging his head; but you didn’t let him down that easily, instead putting a few fingers under his chin and turning his face up so you could kiss him properly. He instantly lit up at your touch, those soft brown eyes crinkling in the corners as his dimple made its appearance, “te amo, Javier. Now go and help Steve or something. I’m all yours after brunch anyway.”
“Fine,” he pouted as you pushed him in Steve’s direction. You watched him go with a laugh before joining Connie in the kitchen. She just smirked at you, handing you a bowl of fresh fruit to cut up.
The two of you fell into easy conversation, and you thoroughly enjoyed her company. But as you kept chopping away at the fruit, your stomach started to churn more and more with each slice of your knife. When you were halfway through cutting up the mango, you couldn’t handle it anymore and practically threw down the knife as you dashed towards the bathroom. You almost kicked the door open as you got onto your knees and heaved up the contents of your stomach.
Shit. Shit. Shit. You sighed at yourself when you were all done, wiping at the corners of your mouth. You’d thought you’d gotten over this part by now, hoping that it wouldn’t rear its ugly head again - especially not in front of your friends and boyfriend. No - the morning sickness should have been done by now.
“Dulzura?” Javier stepped into the small bathroom and shut the door behind him, immediately dropping to his knees next to you. Flushing the toilet, you turned to him and put on the most innocent face you could. He grabbed your face gently in his hands, brushing a thumb over your cheek as he studied you intently, “what happened? Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, Javi,” you promised him softly as you put your hands on his wrists and gave them a gentle squeeze. Although you were sure that the average person would have easily believed your little lie, Javier was no average man and he was able to easily see through your white lie. You sighed heavily before pulling his hands from your face and moving to stand up, “please don’t worry about me, it’s probably something I ate.”
“I do worry,” he insisted, just as firmly, as you turned on the tap and stuck your head under it to swish your mouth with water, “it’s my job-”
“Your job is to be my boyfriend,” you spit out the cold water, “and to trust me when I say everything is fine. One little upset stomach is nothing to worry about, Javier Peña. You have enough to worry about, don’t worry about this one too.”
“Fine,” he held up his hands in defeat, but you could tell that he wasn’t going to let this one go; for now probably, but forever, “but-"
"If it happens again, you'll be the first to know mi amor," you promised him, "now go and finish up with Steve and I'll finish the fruit."
Javier gave your hand a squeeze before slowly making his way out of the bathroom, with you quickly following on his kneel. Before he walked back over to Steve while you rejoined Connie in the kitchen.
She'd taken it upon herself to finish cutting up the fruit, but a knowing little look was on her face. You walked back over without saying a word, fully intending on not mentioning a word, but just like Javier, Connie was sharp and perceptive and wouldn't let it go. You'd surrounded yourself with a particular type of person and right now you were regretting intensely.
"Does he know about the baby?" she whispered under her breath as you stilled in your motions. Your breath hitched in your throat as you slowly met her eyes, wanting to cry at the little smirk on her face.
"I-I-I…don't know what you're talking about," you lied lamely, more so wondering if she would go along with what you were saying or call your bluff.
"Honey," she gave you an almost pitying look, "you just had a bout of morning sickness and you're starting to show. I've seen the old dress trick tons of times."
"How did you know that's what it was?" you asked in a rushed whisper. She was a nurse...of course she'd know.
"Randomly throwing up at the smell of food? And it's not the first time - it's happened not infrequently over the past two months," she stated as you groaned, "just because those two are oblivious, doesn't mean I am."
"Fine," you hissed quietly, making sure that Javier and Steve weren't paying attention, "how can you tell I'm showing?! I thought it wasn't...obvious yet."
"Not to the untrained eye," she admitted, "I'm guessing you just started to pop? You've been wearing looser clothes lately… I'm guessing...16 weeks?"
"14 weeks...shit Con," you sighed softly, "I...I've been too obvious! I haven't...I haven't told Javier! I haven't found the right time and I've been so nervous and I-I-I...just I'm scared, Con. What if…"
"No what ifs, honey," she said softly as she put her arm around and pulled you into a hug, "you need to tell Javier. He deserves to know...and I know you're scared, but you know how much he loves you and this won't change anything. You've turned Javier into the best version of him - he adores you. But you have to tell him...besides you're not going to be able to hide it much longer…"
"Fuck!" you whined softly.
"Just tell him," she stated firmly, "you have to tell Javier."
"Tell me what?" Javier and his impeccable timing struck again as he walked into the kitchen and grinned at the two of you. You exchanged a nervous look with her before turning back to him.
"How much I love you," you swallowed nervously before grinning at him with the best smile you could muster up, "which is a lot whole, mi amor."
He opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off with a kiss. Javier made a small sound but said nothing, instead giving you another kiss.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
"What's wrong, Dulzura?" Javier asked as he pulled you into his lap; you had stiffened immediately upon his touch. As soon as you'd gotten back to his apartment, he was all over you, his touch was like fire and he was all consuming. It had been easy to get lost in his touch, the feel of his lips on yours, his large hands roaming your body.
But as soon as he had led you back to his bedroom and he flopped down on the bed and pulled you into him - sheer panic set in.
"N-nothing," you lied as you stood up and took a step back. A look of confusion crossed his features as you tried to keep it together, "just tired…"
"Okay," he sighed softly before running a hand over his face, "what the hell is going on? You've been acting off all day…"
"Nothing…"
"Dulzura."
"Javier, you're worrying over nothing again."
"You won't even let me touch you," he sighed lightly, "if you don't want me to let me know. We don't have to do anything…"
"I do, Javier...I'm just tired."
"Bullshit…"
"Javi…"
"You can tell me anything, Dulzura. I love you, you know that."
"I-"
"Anything at all."
"I-"
"Nothing will ever change that I love you."
"I'm pregnant."
It came out as an almost shout as you finally plucked up the courage to just say it. Javier's jaw dropped as he immediately looked at your stomach and then back at your face. A million different emotions flickered over his features as he tried to figure out what was happening.
Oh, he'd heard you - he just couldn't come to terms with it.
"What?" he said softly as he met your eyes. His eyes were glossy as he tried to figure out if it was true, "Dulzura...what did you say?"
"I...I...I'm pregnant," you whispered softly, your own eyes starting to prick and burn. Slowly, you reached for the hem of your dress, pulling it up as gently as you watched his reaction. He sucked in his breath as he watched your stomach become revealed to him. It was small, still barely evident, but it was there - the sweetest of bumps, "I...I should have told you sooner, Javier. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
"Why are you sorry?" his eyes were practically twinkling as his lips trembled slightly. He stood up and came over, a hand gingerly going to your stomach as he paused to see if you would stop. But you didn't - you let him put his hand on your belly before putting your own on top of his, "our baby...how far…"
"14 weeks," you said nervously as he nodded, trying to keep it together and not completely lose his mind, "I found out about 6 weeks ago and I-I-I panicked so much and I kept trying to figure out the perfect time to tell you and I keep not. I'm so sorry for that, Javier. You deserved to know sooner...and I completely understand if you don't want...anything to do with me or the baby."
"Why would you think I wouldn't want anything to do with…" he paused as he looked up and met your eyes, his free hand moving to your cheek, as you keened in to his touch, "did you think I was going to be mad...leave?"
"No," you admitted honestly, "I just didn't know what you'd...think. I'm scared and nervous and I didn't know what to do, and I just kept not telling you. And we didn't plan for a baby, I mean...its a mess."
"I love you," he whispered before kissing your forehead, "and - fuck - a few years ago I didn't think I'd ever love someone again or be in this situation. And now...I'm scared, don't get me wrong, absolutely terrified. But I am...I'm excited. This is...you...I love you."
"I'm scared too," your lips trembled, but in a quick measure of reassurance, he pressed a kiss to your lips in a sweet, gentle manner, "its a baby, Javier. What if-"
"Dulzura," he whispered softly, "I know there are a ton of things to think about - but I promise you this - it will be okay, we will be okay. I'm not going anywhere and I will protect you and the baby, and fuck - I'm happy. Scared but happy."
"Yeah?" you asked softly, not hesitating to throw your arms around his neck and holding him tightly, "I love you, Javier. More than you will ever know."
"I love you too," he kissed the crown of your head as he gently rubbed your back in soothing circles. He held you silently for some time, letting you get your soft cries, these ones not of worry or sadness but nervous happiness out, "can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"How did I never...notice? What if I hadn't found out and you'd gotten bigger?" he chuckled warmly as you snorted with laughter.
"Well, I've been keeping the lights off," you reminded him and he made a sound of 'oh yeah', "and this little bit just seemed to pop out the last few days...I don't know...I guess I would have blamed...bloating?"
"You are too much," he laughed as you gave him a sheepish look, "do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Next time, just tell me as soon as you know," he insisted gently, "I...I want this - to be a part of this - and to experience it all with you."
"Next time?" you quirked an eyebrow gently, "you presume there's a next time?"
"Maybe…" he grinned with a cheeky smirk, "but seriously, Dulzura - I'm happy, scared, but happy. And I love you, always."
"I love you too," you promised, "con todo."
"I know," he whispered, "now - will you let me show you how much?"
"Javier…"
»»————- ♡ ————-««
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My (kind of) entry for @sicktember prompts #1 and #11 sorta combined. Medieval fantasy-ish.
The wind bit through their layers of clothing, even where they sat huddled before the fire. The flames swayed enticingly, the hot coals below looking like a warm cave they longed to curl up in. Though at this point they figured not even that would warm their frozen bones.
"A?" They looked up and saw B watching them, concern in their eyes. "How long have you been out here?"
A shrugged, another shiver taking hold of them. "A few hours, I guess."
"Hours? A, you're clearly exhausted. Go back to your tent, I'll take watch for now."
They just shrugged again, turning back to the fire. There was an aching behind their eyes that had only worsened over the past while, as much as they longed to shut them they knew it would only be all the worse if they did. They longed to sleep, to flop over right where they sat and let their sore muscles rest for a while.
B sat down beside them with a huffing sigh. "So something's bothering you. Isn't that right?"
At this point, A was far too tired to deny it. "How can you tell?"
"You always stalk off on your own when something is wrong. You get all quiet. More quiet than usual, that is."
Normally A might have laughed. But now they were simply too exhausted for it. "I haven't been feeling my best, that's all. Nothing that important."
"How so?"
"It doesn't matter."
"A."
B was giving them a side eye. They knew it, even if they weren't looking at them. Another chill hit them, making them pull their cloak tighter around their shoulders. They coughed a little into their shoulder, not realizing until they did that there was a deep ache in their chest, spreading into their arms. "I've just been tired, chilled. I ache all over." They shot B a look. "Probably just from riding all day, I'm sure."
"Oh, to be sure." Even as A curled up tighter, resting their chin on their knees, they could feel their friend's eyes on them.
Exhaustion weighed down on their eyelids, forcing them shut. They buried their face in the folds of their cloak, allowing the darkness to soothe the aches in their head and eyes a little. Soon B would leave, they knew that. Everyone left eventually.
Sure enough, they heard the shuffle of boots, the sounds of somebody standing and walk away. Maybe it was their tiredness, but they felt tears closing up their throat. Stupid. They'd known B was going to leave. They'd known. They shouldn't have been surprised.
The wind blew harsher against them in their huddled bundle and they shivered worse than ever. Out of nowhere their face and neck felt uncomfortably hot in comparison to the icy block of the rest of their body. They pried it up from their knees and were hit with a wave of dizziness. Maybe B was right, and they should just go back to their tent.
Another repeated thud of footsteps came up behind them and they turned, wincing as the dizziness worsened.
"Here you go. How long has it been since you've eaten?" A blinked. It took them a moment to make sense of that they were seeing - B, standing over them with a bowl of steaming soup in their hands.
"You came back," they said blankly. They'd thought...
B shrugged. "Of course I did. What, did you expect me to leave you here by yourself?"
They didn't answer that. "I just didn't...thanks, B."
"Not a problem."
A's heart warmed a little just at the feeling of them sitting down beside them again. They hadn't been abandoned. Not yet.
The soup warmed them too. It was a good, strong broth with some herbs and bits of meat, but not much else. Which didn't bother them much - they hadn't been hungry in a while. But the warmth of it was nonetheless comforting. They sat and sipped, the soothing heat of the soup and the fire lulling them from the inside out. They almost could forget how sore their head and tired muscles were, and how the world spun when they turned their head too suddenly.
Halfway through the bowl they couldn't make themselves eat anymore. Their body felt weighted to the ground; if they didn't have to move for a hundred years they would have been happy. When the half empty bowl of soup almost slid from their grasp for a third time, they felt a firm but gentle hand on their arm. "Come on, you're dead on your feet. Let's get you back into your tent."
This time, A didn't bother to protest. They let B pull them to their feet, one arm around their still trembling shoulders. The ground swooped out from underneath them and they stumbled, swaying against their friend.
They heard B chuckle. "Watch yourself, A. You must really be exhausted."
Responding took too much effort. Instead they let their head flop against B's shoulder as another wave of dizziness tugged at them. The camp torches eventually faded from their sight as they approached the wooded area that held most of the tents. By the time they reached their own they were shivering worse than ever, their head pounding in time with their heart. If they didn't lie down soon they really would collapse.
The next few minutes were a bit of a blur, but they could hear B's cheerful voice talking away as they helped A into bed, even helping them pull off their boots and tossing every blanket they possessed on top of them. It was a little better in there, warmer yet darker, and lying flat made their head stop spinning, even if there was only a light mat separating them from the hard ground beneath.
"Get some sleep," said their friend's voice from somewhere above them. "I'll take your watch."
It wasn't long before they slipped into an uneasy sleep, disturbed by dreams that flitted around half formed until they could no longer tell if they were dreams or not. They opened their eyes a crack, still half asleep, and saw a dark thread on the wall of their tent...the thread became a spider creeping slowly towards them, they jerked back but instead of waking up the spiders only bored into their dreams, speaking to them with evil voices. Then they were struck by lightning and frozen in place, all their muscles taut and rigid, unable to move, unable to breathe, everything aching...a dark shape rose up above them until it was too big to see, stretching all around the tent, it reached down and grabbed them...
This time they sprang awake with a cry, scrambling backward away from the terrible shadow fingers that reached out for them. They couldn't breathe, their head was pounding, surely they were going to die...
"A," said a half familiar voice. "Hey, A, it's just me. Breathe."
They tried. In an instant they started coughing, their chest sore and ragged. A pair of strong hands held their shoulders, rubbing gently. "You're all right. Deep breaths now, I just need you to breathe."
A slumped against B's shoulder, worn down completely, their breath shuddering in their chest. Their limbs burned and froze and shook all at once, the ground beneath them tilting horribly. They felt themselves being laid down again, grasping out for their pillow. B's voice remained in their ears, gentle and comforting.
A second voice joined theirs. "Are they all right?"
A hand brushed their forehead. "They've got a fever, trouble breathing..."
"The poor thing..."
"Please don't go," A said hoarsely, suddenly terrified. Their eyes cracked open a sliver, B and now C too blurred in their vision. "I - I don't want to be alone."
"Of course not." B brushed the hair out of their face. "You're going to be just fine, we'll take good care of you."
Their eyes burned, head aching terribly. They could hear shuffling, the hushed voices of B and C and others from the camp in the background - probably talking about them, their overtired brain finally caught up enough to realize.
"Don't help me." It took them a second to tell they'd spoken out loud, but once they began they found it hard to stop. "Don't, I'm just a burden to you...please leave me be."
C's gentle voice was close to them now. "I thought you just said you didn't want to be alone?"
"They're mostly delirious, C." That was B. "Don't pay attention, just wait with them while I try and get my hands on some medicine."
A slid into a half sleep, imagining shadowy fingers creeping up their shoulder and voices whispering in their ear. Their eyes snapped open once, heart racing, but all they saw was the dim light of a candle and C's anxious face above them. Whimpering a little, they curled over on their other side, fighting to ignore the spinning in their head and the sickening ache in their joints. Everything was too much.
For a while it remained too much; no matter how much they tossed and turned they could not get comfortable, sore muscles and chills beating them down the worst. B returned with a spoonful of some bitter herbs that they managed to coax down A's throat despite their protests, which did nothing but leave a sour feeling in their stomach. They could not tell whether it was day or night anymore, all they knew was that they longed to sleep and couldn't seem to no matter what, and could not escape the pain that encircled them.
Their friends' faces merged with each other, and other faces they'd known long ago and thought to have forgotten, sometimes they thought they cried out for people no longer alive but in the small part of their mind that was still lucid hoped very much against it.
Once they woke up with a cry of fear from a nightmare that was already fading away, but the terror still clung to them. They shivered violently in the dark, limbs and head burning, until they felt another blanket go around them and C's voice shushing them and telling them to go back to sleep.
It continued on like that for a while. There were times when they were fully awake, but those times only meant they could feel the full effects of their illness, and they found themselves craving sleep when they came. B or C sat with them most times, but sometimes others would poke their heads into the tent to see how they're doing, sitting with them and making jokes in an effort to cheer them up, or just bringing them a bowl of soup when they hadn't eaten in a while. They never realized so many people cared about them.
Finally, one day they woke up to find their head was no longer pounding, their limbs still horribly stiff but not quite as sore as they had been. With weary eyes they looked automatically to the side of their cot and once again saw B sitting there, one hand laid gently on the top of their head. "You're awake, I see. Feeling any better?"
The hand in their hair was soothing. "A little," they answered croakily. "Did - did C come in too, or was that a dream?"
B chuckled. "Half the camp visited you at some point. They were all very concerned, did you expect them not to be?"
A lump rose unexpectedly in their throat. "I - I guess I did expect that."
B sighed. "A, we care about you. All of us care about you. How many times can we say it? Or show it?"
A was too tired to halt the tears that slipped from their eyes. "I'm sorry," they muttered, "I'm just...not used to people caring very much."
"Well, get used to it. You don't have to do this all by yourself, A."
It was too hard to stop the tears now, so they let them fall and curled up tighter under their blankets. They still weren't sure how much control they'd have over what words came out of their mouth, so they kept it shut for the time being, and tried to think of nothing but B's careful hand running through their hair. They had friends. They had a family.
It was almost too much.
But in a good way.
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seasons change, our love remains the same | miya o.
pairing: timeskip osamu x f!reader word count, genre: 1.8k words, established relationship, fluff. warning: none summary: a story of how osamu’s love for you began and how it will never end. a/n: this is a piece for the haikyuu-cafe x hqhangout collab!
It was springtime when words of love flowed out of him.
“What are you looking at?”
Osamu peers over your shoulder to get a glimpse of the yearbook in your hand. His eyes land on a younger version of himself who was barely smiling at the camera. He grimaces internally, shaking his head at the memory of the day when the picture was taken.
Sitting down on the floor, he slings his arms around you and brings you closer. “Where did you get this?”
“Unlike you, I actually kept our yearbook. It’s a nice memento of the past,” you laugh, turning the page and going further down the memory lane. You reach a section containing different pictures—montages of photographs from the sports day, the cultural festival, and, the one that caught your eye, the graduation ceremony.
“Hey, do you remember this?” Osamu follows where you were pointing at. There, at the middle, was a blurred image of some Class-1 students, his and your class, under a cherry blossom tree. Though the colors were muted, he could vividly remember that moment when the pink petals were dancing around in the air, everyone dreamily looking up at the bloom, but all he could focus on was you standing by his side as the teacher captured the photograph.
He remembers how his heart was beating so crazily at that instant. And what followed then was the moment that he’d been preparing for.
“Of course, I do. What do you take me for?” His arms encircle around your waist, he kisses the top of your head. “That’s when I confessed to you.”
You chuckle, “Wrong. You haven’t confessed to me here yet.”
“Oh, right,” he rests his chin on your shoulder, looking straight in your eyes. He narrates the past to you, “After we took that picture, I asked if you could come with me at the back of the gym.”
You hum and he continues, “You awkwardly followed behind as we walked together. Then when we arrived, I brought out a single carnation flower. You stared at it with wide eyes for minutes and I was so scared that I would get rejected right there and then.”
“Well, that’s because you weren’t saying anything! How was I supposed to know you were confessing when you were just standing there with a flower?”
“I’m pretty sure I said I love you,” he teases. “You just didn’t hear it.”
You put down the book on the table and turn to the side so you could face him. “You’re lucky I’ve been in love with you since middle school.”
He chuckles, bringing one hand to cup your cheek and the other to brush away some hair on your face. “I really am lucky.” And before you knew it, soft lips touch yours and it makes you feel warm and tingly. “Being with you is like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from.”
Summer when you found yourself running to him for comfort.
The front door to Onigiri Miya chimes, alerting Osamu of a new customer. He looks up momentarily from his task of rolling sushi to greet the person who’s come in, only to be surprised to see it was you.
“Hi.” You smile weakly and take the usual spot at the counter, right at the front where you could watch him cook.
“What are you doing here? I thought I’d see you at the apartment.”
“I’m tired. And it was so hot, I couldn’t take another minute of commute,” you groan as you drop your head on the table. “The trains were jam-packed and I didn’t want to be sandwiched between people and feel their sweat on skin.” You imagine the scenario if you didn’t walk your way towards his shop tonight, and the thought had you shuddering in your seat.
“Anyway, I went here and thought we could go home together.” You peek at him from behind your arms. “Also I just really, really wanted to see you already.”
Osamu instantly softens. At the moment, he wanted nothing more than to close shop, take you home, and lie on the bed with you in his arms. All the time in the relationship, he felt like he’s been the one who’s constantly relying on you. But right now, you were running to him and he wanted to be there to catch you.
“There’s only few customers left but I think can finish this in twenty minutes.” He slides over a glass of iced tea to you. “Can you wait for me?”
You nod and he leans to give you a quick kiss before returning to his work. You watch in awe as he skillfully moves around his area, hands deftly making the customers’ orders. And not before long, he’s standing beside you, already changed out of his work uniform to his usual beige polo shirt (the one you gifted him and his obvious favorite). He holds out a paper bag with his shop’s logo. You take it with a curious look.
“It’s not gonna bite you,” he jokes and it makes you roll eyes. “I figured you haven’t eaten dinner yet so I made yaki-onigiri. You can eat it at home.” You’re silent as he takes your hands and guides the two of you out of the store, waving to his employees and reminding them to close.
“You remembered my favorite food.”
He squeezes your hand and brings it to his lips, “Of course, I remember everything about you.” It’s his beautiful smile that makes you weak at the knees and instantly chases your exhaustion away.
In autumn, he made a promise.
“Hold my hand so we don’t get separated.” Osamu insists after having lost you for the fifth time in a row. The two of you were in Kyoto for a long overdue out-of-town vacation. After some time, you were both fortunate to finally free up your busy schedule and Osamu had planned a five days and four nights trip to the region.
“I’m not a kid, Osamu,” you whine but still lace your fingers with his and move deeper into the park. Osamu lets you take the lead as you stroll along the path in Arashiyama Bamboo Forest, the one place you’ve always wanted to visit.
The moment you stood at the entrance of the grove, you were struck at the beautiful, soaring green stalks that seemed to welcome you to another world. Osamu could feel the excitement radiating from you and whenever you smiled, whenever you turned to him to gush about the scenery, he finds himself falling in love with you all over again. He’s smiling as he watches you take photo after photo, unaware that he’s also taken his phone out to capture a picture of you.
As you’re standing in the midst of the crowd, looking like you’re having the best time and so beautiful with the way the faint light from above falls on you like a spotlight, Osamu has a fleeting wish that he could be the one to make you happy for the rest of your life.
You suddenly stop admiring the view in favor of searching for your boyfriend who seemed to have stopped moving for minutes. The two of you stare at each other, neither one making the move to walk closer. Osamu tilts his head to one side as he mouths at you, “Hi.”
Confused, you mimic him. “Hey.”
It takes him five big steps to close the distance. He grabs your face, thumbs grazing at your cheeks as he stares affectionately. Time slows down but your heart races when he says, “Let’s get married.”
You thought you heard wrong. But that was until he brought out a box that’s been hiding at his coat pocket. You gasp audibly, tears pooling in your eyes, as he takes the ring out and holds it in front of you.
“I love you more than life itself. I want to stay by your side and keep you happy for as long as you’ll let me.”
You’re crying as you say yes and his vision is also blurry when he slips the jewelry on your finger, a symbol of his commitment and love for you.
And in winter, the two of you were home.
It’s well past morning. The clock reads 9:58 am but somehow you could not find it in you to get up from the bed. You move your body but it proved futile when you felt a pair of arms tightening around you, refusing to let you go.
You feel hot breaths fanning your neck, craning to look back at the person sleeping behind you. Reaching a hand to stroke his hair, you feel Osamu only nuzzle closer and seeking warmth from your body.
“Good morning,” he hums.
You turn around, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing a kiss on his lips. “It’s always a good morning waking up next to you.”
He chuckles, the low voice sending goosebumps on your skin and causing the blood to rush on your face. He takes you by surprise by suddenly flipping you over, trapping you in a bear hug while you laid above him.
“Wait, Osamu, let go!” Your voice muffled on his chest.
“I don’t want to.” He loses himself in your sweet scent and he feels slowly being lulled back to sleep. “It’s cold. Let’s stay here longer.”
Your struggle did not last for long, eventually giving in to your husband’s grip and you lay peacefully, hearing the calm beating of his heart. A glance to the windows and you can see the trees covered in thick white, making you excited as you realized the snow has made its fall overnight.
You look up at him, “We should get breakfast.”
“You mean brunch.”
Giggling, you begin to sit up which only makes Osamu groan and reach out for you. “Come on, I’ll make your favorite hot chocolate and we can look outside at the snow.”
At the mention of hot chocolate, he slightly peeks his head from the blankets, catching you before you exit the door. “With marshmallows?”
“Of course.” You tease, knowing how much he loved his hot drink with those soft, pillowy white confections.
This makes him smile and finally, he gets out of the bed and makes his way to you. He slips hands into yours before walking with you out of the room.
Mornings with Osamu were the best. And as much as you looked forward to spending every day with him, he is also anticipating what’s in store for the rest of his years with you.
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu imagines#osamu x reader#osamu imagines#haikyuucafe#haikyuucreations#osamu fluff#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu fics#osamu x y/n#osamu x you#haikyuu x you#miya osamu x reader#hq osamu#miya osamu#haikyuu!!
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yellow daisies | f.w
summary: y/n recalls the feelings that yellow daisies give her.
warnings: angst, cheating, swearing... if there is anything else feel free to let me know!
a/n: AHH MY FIRST BLURB !! thank you guys for reading and i hope you enjoy <3 {wc: 1,197}
pairings: fred weasley x fem!reader
masterlist
yellow daisies. y/n’s favorite flower—it always has been ever since she was a little girl. she would go outside to play with her younger brother and see the flowers all around her. the vibrant color of the flower would always make her gush with joy and excitement. she cherished the plant with all her heart. her younger brother, oscar, would carelessly pick the flowers in the wide field despite y/n’s passionate wishes for him not to. she felt the daisies were too beautiful to have their life cut short by someone picking them. yellow daisies have had a special place in her heart, everyone that she loved and that loved her knew this, fred knew this.
fred was her first boyfriend since fifth year and her best friend ever since first. fred and george were the first people to befriend y/n and the first to make her feel welcome. fred was the best boyfriend she could ever ask for. every time they would go on a date he would bring her flowers, daisies to be precise. he knew how much she loved them and the fact that she knew he cared that much only made her love him more.
the two were supposed to go on a date to hogsmeade and y/n was beyond thrilled to go. from her bed, she looked to her collection of yellow and white daisies gifted to her by fred and grinned. y/n and fred hadn’t gotten much time to themselves these past few weeks due to the same lame excuses studying, or hanging with the boys. y/n understood the studying, and definitely understood wanting to hang out with his friends so she settled for a peck between classes and spent time with her best friend katie. all that being said y/n sat in her bed exhilarated with the knowledge that she was going to spend time with her amazing boyfriend today.
she got dressed to the nines. she wore a light pink knee length dress with a jean jacket over that and some black strapped velvet heels to match. once she was dressed she did her hair and makeup and waltzed over to her body length mirror with a satisfied smile. he is going to love it, she thought.
y/n made her way to hogsmeade right on schedule. the clack of her heels sounded as she walked to the bench that she always met fred at. she took out the letter fred gave her yesterday that contained all of the details of the date. she gazed at the analog clock that was hanging across from her at a pub and looked back down at her paper. fred told her to meet him in this spot at 1:30, it was now 1:32. but she was certain, he is probably just late.
she was wrong. it was now 3:58, and she has been sitting on the same lousy bench for two hours. and each time fifteen minutes would pass her eyes would linger to the letter to make sure she had everything right, now she knows that stupid letter word for word.
“ dearest y/n,
i hope all is well? i miss talking to you, i’ve just been so busy studying! anyways i was wondering if you would like to go on a date this weekend? to make up for lost time? if so, meet me at our spot at 1:30. i can’t wait to see you, daisy.
love,
your freddie”
daisy was the nickname he’d given her in third year once he found out about her infatuation with the flower.
disappointment filled her body as she sat under the tree by the lake surrounded by daisies. the scenery was beautiful yet tragically romantic. the golden sun shone through the branches of the tall oak tree and onto the lake creating an indescribably wonderful reflection. lily pads and blossoms were floating in the lake and a wooden boat was sitting still in the water. the way the water moved and the wind flew through the daisies was enchanting. she came here all the time— this was her comfort spot. her comfort spot used to be in the arms of her loving boyfriend but she is not so sure anymore. she shuddered at the thought and shed a single tear but quickly wiped it. though she was upset with fred she still loved him, and still wanted to be with him. the real budding question was: does he want to be with her? with all the avoidance of being with her she is starting to doubt that he does.
her thoughts were interrupted by the rustle of leaves coming from deeper into the woods to her. y/n looked up with a hint of fear in her eyes but shook it off, it was probably just a rabbit or maybe a deer. the thought of it being an animal was immediately cleared from her mind as soon as she heard a feminine laugh, probably some other people hanging out in the woods. she stood to leave but stopped in her steps when she heard a chuckle, a very familiar chuckle. now she was curious.
the girl tip toed quietly and slowly into the woods and the noises became louder, sloppy moans, chuckles, and giggles. eventually y/n gets a few trees away from the noise. instantly when she saw fiery long red hair, she regretted giving in to her curiosity. it was fred. her fred.
he was buried deep in some girls neck, devouring it hungrily. the same lips that have said ‘i love you’ were on this girl’s neck. who even is she? once the girl saw me she wore a sinister smirk and then closed her eyes and let out an exaggerated moan causing fred to break apart from her and say, “merlin, your so hot.” and then go back to attacking her neck. at this point tears were flowing down y/n’s cheeks and she was frozen in place from shock.
“fred?” the poor girl whimpered. fred’s head couldn’t have whipped around faster, a look of complete surprise written on his face. seeing his face only made it worse, “oh merlin.” she sobbed.
fred rushed over to her and put his hands on each shoulder “s’not what it looks like, baby, i swear it.” he slurred. was he drunk?
“then what is it fred?” she questioned, eyebrows furrowed. he stood there mouth open but nothing coming out of it. “yeah, okay.” she shrugged off his shoulders and walked away with tears still actively streaming down her face.
“please, daisy!” he called.
she snapped around to face him, “you don’t get to call me that anymore!” she raised her voice, now full with rage and disgust, and turned back around and continued to walk.
now when she saw daisies she only thought of that day. the day in which her heart was torn to pieces by the man she once loved. after that day she learned that a daisy is a weed not a flower. that a daisy should picked and thrown away, not cherished. after that day she no longer loved daisies, she resented them.


#fred weasley#harry potter#fred weasley x reader#fred weasley angst#fred weasley x y/n#fred weasley fluff#fred weasley fic#fred weasley x fem!reader
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