#like I’m sorry that is a legitimate man who is also very masculine and yes he’s got that very specific bi vibe with Tennant but

[glitter-and-be-gay]

being secure in your sexuality means there are some general guidelines for who you find attractive on a regular basis and from time to time you can still go oh

[miraculouscontent]

Askplosion #12 3/4:

.:Asks Referring to Previous non-Miraculous Posts:.

Anonymous said:

Hi! I saw you mention that you have Asperger’s syndrome in an earlier post. I’m just wondering, how did you find out? I’ve always thought I was neurodivergent (adhd and maybe asperger’s), but I’m not quite sure how to go about finding out, and my parents never had me screened as a kid. Feel free to ignore if this is too personal!

(the post this anon is referring to)

It’s not too personal, don’t worry!

Though, I would really say that it’s something to look up more than for someone to tell you. I know that’s not a satisfying answer but I think it’s different depending on where you live and what specialists you have near you.

Anonymous said:

Remarried Empress Anon Again, a whole post? What an honor! I burnt my food and this made me so happy.

(the post this anon is referring to)

You deserve it! Thanks a bunch!

Anonymous said:

Remarried Empress Anon Again, thank you for answering my asks and for reading Remarried Empress! I honestly didn’t expect much to come of it but the fact you read the comic and saw what I was talking and came to your own conclusions was amazing! I’m sorry if I’m bothering you by bombarding you with asks, and will try to stop doing so. Heck, this doesn’t have to be answered! Just know you are a fun creator and thank you for making my day a little better with your amazing responses!

You weren’t bothering me at all! I’m glad I brightened your day!

asexual-individual said:

I don't know how big the trend of "Magical Girls are made to suffer" is, but after watching Madoka Magica I did notice a few Magical Girl shows where the creators obviously went "Hey, this anime where the Magical Girls suffer and it's all angsty made Shaft a lot of money, let's do our own", and "subversive=money". (Even though many have pointed out that MM isn't actually subversive, since older MG shows have dealt with dark themes plenty of times.)

Yeah, it’s probably one of those inevitable things. People immediately jump on wherever the money’s going.

Madoka Magica probably got so much attention specifically because of the episode three shock value.and all the twisted imagery, plus things like Kyubey with bullet holes all over him made it seem like, “WHOA, DARK.”

Anonymous said:

Remember when I told you about the teenage-bashing in the Star Vs. Fandom? Well, rewatching the show, I'm beginning to think that most of the time, when people in a certain fandom have these opinions, more often than not, the show backs it up for whatever reason. Like, there's one scene where Eclipsa is put on trial and is asked if she's ever eaten any babies(which is just a rumor), and she says no but that she has eaten a few teenagers but, psychologically, they always deserved it.

And in another episode, Star says that teenagers are great at causing problems, which I at first laughed off as a joke, but then in another, Tom and Star were talking about how they broke up, and Star said "Of course we broke up! That's what people do! That's what teenagers do! Teenagers are dumb!" And Tom was just like "Yeah, I know, I know"; there are a lot more examples but I don't care to revisit them. I'm just saying that the teen-hating in the fandom would have to have come from somewhere.

omg I don’t remember that stuff at all; I guess it just blew right past me when I was initially watching it.

I don’t understand the trend of being like, “teenagers are dumb and that’s what they do,” and then either over-punishing or not punishing at all. Are we supposed to believe that all teenagers are just going to “be teenagers” and so we shouldn’t do anything, or that they’re all idiots who don’t understand their own feelings but we should also punish them for it?

I don’t get it.

Anonymous said:

I'm the "tomboys in anime" anon, and yes, I totally agree! It especially irks me(as a girly girl who has a lot to say) when the shortcut to making a girl tomboyish is simply by making her loud/tough/like gaming or machinery, or when a female character is told she isn't enough of a girl because she's like that, but otherwise doesn't look or even act all that "boyish". Even TV Tropes does it, as if the second a girl shows any proactivity or is tough she's a "tomboy".

It really annoys me and almost makes me want to erase the term "tomboy" altogether since it leads to an idea of "I'm not like other girls, I'm better 'cause I do boy stuff"(which I know not every tomboy thinks, but some do). The only reason I don't is because I very proudly embrace the term "girly girl" and terms are meaningless without an opposite(not that you can't like both girly and tomboyish things). So I think the key to fixing this problem is that we shouldn't label people unless they want to be labeled that way.

And I know fictional characters can't speak for themselves, so just to figure out if a female character is a tomboy, I just say that if her only "tomboyish" traits are "proactive" qualities or liking something that's for guys, just don't call them a tomboy because it looks ridiculous and acts like women are inherently passive and weak, so for a girl not to be like that is acting like a man.

I would love to see a tomboy character who likes those things but is actually shy/a wallflower. That avoids the stereotype of "aggressive, hard-hitting tomboy, weak-willed, shallow girly girl" and challenges audiences expectations that "but but but she's a tomboy so she should be loud and strong because strength is for MEN". I also hate when tomboy characters are given no curves because the writers know they're doing something wrong, tomboys can have natural curves too. It's like they think tomboys just don't want to be girls. So, yeah. So over the "tomboy in-name-only" stereotype.

"it makes me feel weird saying that when I’m all for girl power shows with an all female cast, but in this show’s logic, it’s a different ball game". Oh, phew! That's good. Because, like I said before, I'm working on my own magical girl show in which most of the female characters are(black) girls and only girls can use magic in this world, and someone I know keeps telling me that it's not fair that the guys don't get to have magic, so it's good to know that there's someone out there who doesn't think it's "sexist" that magical girls tend to only let girls have powers(unless it's for fanservice or like in Madoka Magica because ick). Because guys get to be in the forefront all too often, so why is it so bad when girls get to be in the spotlight? I know I can't change everyone's opinions but it's good to know someone gets it.

(the post this anon is referring to)

Honestly, I feel like the fact that there’s a label at all is the issue, like you suggested? It might just be a “we have to get ride of the label ‘tomboy’ and ‘girly girl’ altogether” thing, because it’s not like we do the same thing with guys?

Oh wait, we do; guys who do “girly” things are called “sissies.”

I hate this planet. :P

Point being, having to say “tomboy” inherently implies something, which might be a problem all on its own, y’know?

(the below ask is incomplete but the asker clarified after I asked them, so clarification is below:)

Anonymous said:

I just thought back to our little "tomboys in anime" argument and about how you can't really think of any tomboys. So I looked up "tomboys in anime" on Google and clicked on the first link, and literally the first character on the list was a girl with...a flower in her hair and a bikini. The reason she was a "tomboy" according to the list? Was because she is "aggressive" and "competitive". In fact, most of the examples on the list were "she's tough/a good fighter/challenges male supremacy".

(part of this ask is missing and clarified below)

girly girls, while the girly girls always have to be the weak and shy ones(not that shy=weak but you get the idea). But while I may not know most of the characters on the list, and some of them DID look pretty tomboyish, I'm very bothered by the idea that it's their strength and ambition and excellent fighting skills that are branded as masculine. And you know what? I'd actually be offended if someone called me a tomboy, especially if it was based of these reasonings. Because it sounds like they think being a tomboy is the only way to be strong and vice versa. Like I should take it as a compliment that I need to be separated from my femininity in order to be respected. Like, if you're a tomboy, cool! But it shouldn't be used for just any girl who isn't a weak-willed crybaby doormat. I actually don't know why people seem to think being a tomboy or "masculine" for a girl is some sort of badge of honor to wear with pride for rejecting your femininity and being "cooler" than other girls.

the clarification:

Anonymous said:

The missing part was talking about the various tropes having to do with contrasting masculinity/femininity, either in two different characters, with one being masculine and one being feminine(ex. Tomboy and Girly Girl, Sensitive Guy and Manly Man, Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy, Masculine-Feminine Gay Couple), or one character who has traits of both(ex. Girly Girl With a Tomboy Streak, Tomboy With a Girly Streak, Real Men Wear Pink), and how TV Tropes always talks about them as if the "girly" character(or girly side of the character) is weaker or inferior(like how for Tomboy and Girly Girl they might say that the former is tough, competitive, and can fight, while the latter is vain, a priss, and a Damsel in Distress.

Or for Tomboy With a Girly Streak, they might say that the tomboy dresses in a masculine way with their "girly" streak being that they're a doormat or dream of being a housewife. Not that it's wrong to be a housewife.).

To be fair, they don't always do this: For the pages on Magical Girl they talk about how those shows can appeal to multiple demographics, and almost all the quotes on them, they talk about how they're empowered through their femininity and are just as much legitimate threats to their opponents as other heroes. Still, they fall in this trap even then, as on the LoliRock Awesome page, they say "You gotta admit, for a Magical Girl show, LoliRock does have its awesome moments", which ignores that Magical Girl is SUPPOSED to have awesome moments, it's literally an action subgenre! Just because it's frilly and pink and girly doesn't mean it doesn't--or shouldn't--still have badass fight scenes. Just look at PreCure. Shonen should take notes from those shows. But no, whoever wrote that clearly dismissed it as just frivolous and was SURPRISED that the fight scenes were good, just because it's girly!

It’s 2021 and people are still struggling with this concept that girliness isn’t bad and it’s not embarrassing to watch such a show.because GIRLS.

It’s so tiring. I watched Dragonball Z, Inuyasha, and played Pokemon; got a few looks about it at times but people ultimately were like, “okay I guess” (I did get bullied for the Pokemon one but that was more for the “it’s for babies” kind of deal, not a “you can’t like that because you’re a girl,” thing). I can’t really relate to the world of girls who get looked down upon for being “girly” but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand that it must be awful for them.

Don’t even get me started on “Tomboy Lesbian,” I will scream about it and it won’t be happy screaming.

[promisenolies]

A Writer Fed Up

I feel like this post/rant has been coming for a while. I realize that this might not be received well, but I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.  

I’ve been encountering some interesting takes and comments around my work as of late. And I feel like it needs to be addressed on a few different fronts. And yes, I could have continued with my life ignoring all these issues, as most people who do these behaviors are likely just doing it for attention. But...I feel that these things need to be said, if not only to give voice to many other writers/content creators who feel similarly.  

General points are as follows:  

The first and simplest point to make is this: the fanfiction writers in your fandom write these pieces – 1. for FREE  2. for THEMSELVES because they feel a call to create something. They/We do not do this for YOU. The sense of entitlement some readers have is uncalled for. Unless you’re paying us for our work, your opinion is not needed. At all.  

Comments and Kudos are the air we breathe as writers. We love when people appreciate our work, enjoy our work, and feel the need to let us know. HOWEVER, the comment section is not there for you to tell us how much you didn’t enjoy the piece. (see point 1)  

Everyone has personal tastes, yes? I have particular things I won’t read/write and I take no offense to others who feel differently. Again though, if you come across work that does not sit well with you or that you don’t enjoy – stop reading. That’s it. Don’t leave a comment, don’t bitch on timelines, don’t send passive aggressive curious cat messages. Just leave it alone. It’s that simple. I have particular tastes, I know that. But I don’t shit on writers who fall outside of what I enjoy. Because WHY!? They—again—are creating content for themselves and those who want to read it. And they’re doing so for free under no obligation to make anyone happy. Including—surprise—you and me! So again – if you don’t like ABO, don’t read it. If you don’t like MCD, don’t read it. If you don’t like BDSM, don’t read it. If you don’t like something specifically don’t. read. it.  I don’t know why this is so hard for readers to grasp.  

Specific points are as follows:  

I write vers/switch Jikook. That’s all I write. Yes, one-shots typically have only one role, but you’ll find a variety of who bottoms/tops in each of them. Claiming that I only wrote bottom Jimin fics after I was “called out” by some entitled person who didn’t care for my content is ridiculous. Especially considering the very first BTS piece I posted was Dressing Room Deviance which not only featured bottom Jimin – but it was also a VMinKook fic!  

On that note. I can’t believe I even have to say this, but what I write is FICTION. As in, despite them taking after the likeness of real Jimin and real Jungkook at the end of the day they are characters or interpretations of them (in my canon fics). And as characters, I write their sexual roles as I see fit. Sometimes I feel like they’d enjoy bottoming, sometimes I feel like they’d like to top. (See general points 1 and 3)  

But what really irritates me with this concerning fascination with sexual roles is that PEOPLE ARE MORE THAN SEX. Are you that incapable of understanding the complexities in human nature? Is it impossible for you to see them as multi-faceted and capable of multiple roles? Relationships are built on more than sex. I promise. And if you’re stuck in thinking otherwise, I greatly encourage you to speak with a professional about what healthy relationships are and what they look like. The sex is my work is ONE part of their relationship. There’s so much more going on behind it. Trust, humor, equality, love... If all you see in my work is the sex or if that’s all you can seem to bring yourself to comment on – quite honestly I don’t want you to read my stuff then. Because it’s CLEARLY over your head.  

Implying that I have no experience in sexual relationships is honestly the most ludacris and laughable thing I’ve encountered to date. One can only DREAM of the level of satisfaction I have in my sex like with my spouse. (Sorry to my little if they end up seeing this LOL) And that satisfaction and experience is in the very thing you seem to think I don’t understand the mechanics of.  

People’s inability to separate physical appearance, size, presentation, etc from their preconceived, heteronormative scripts/ideas is frustrating and sad. Again, people are complex and much more than their sexual roles. There is absolutely NO reason that the smaller partner can’t top. There’s absolutely NO reason that Jimin (let’s be specific here since these are my specific points) can’t be a top, can’t be assertive, can’t be portrayed outside your limited view of “babie Jimi”  Even in real life, yes he’s adorable – but he’s also legitimately scary as fuck and he could kick all our asses. And he’s not TINY. Let's be real. He’s 5’9”  - I can’t understand why so many people depict him as being like 5’3” or some shit. Trust me, that man can reach that top shelf to grab a bowl and doesn’t need Kook to do it for him. Stop making him a feminized, weak, damsel in distress. He’s a MAN and you’d do well to fucking realize that. Jungkook also deserves more than this general script of only topping, being stupid or aggressive, being incapable of feelings and intimacy, and always being some sort of protector. AKA – Jimin is not “the woman” and Jungkook is not “the man.” THEY ARE MEN. Your homophobic heteronormativity is showing and it’s disgusting.  

I do honestly enjoy writing bottom JK, mostly because it’s unconventional (for some gross heteronormative reason). So yeah, you might see a bit more of that in my one-shots. But honestly, maybe y’all need to expand your horizons. I enjoy breaking him out of the confining box so many of you put him in. Same with Jimin. Both he and Jimin deserve great sex, whatever form that happens to take in my work.  

Also, the fandom’s inability to separate sub/dom from bottom/top is also GREATLY CONCERNING. I have a lot of thoughts on this issue. Like A LOT. Mostly focused around the disgusting pornification of our youth and the sexualizing of violence. But at the end of the day my point will be short on this. (And keep in mind I will not debate this issue. This is one of my boundaries alright? - it’s HEALTHY to have boundaries) The main point of this is that sex doesn’t need to have power dynamics. It doesn’t. And I’ll concede on the point that some people specifically write BDSM and sub/dom work and that’s fine because again – points 1 and 3 in general points above. But what frustrates me is that even if there isn’t ANY power dynamics people will tag it that way. Why? Is it to get hits because people have been so culturally groomed to be aroused by that? It makes me sad that I miss out on likely some great pieces because it’s tagged wrong. Just because someone is assertive doesn’t mean they’re being a dom and just because someone let’s go and surrender’s to pleasure doesn’t mean they’re being a sub. Assertiveness is so important to have in sexual experiences because one needs to be able to voice what they like and what they don’t like. Assertiveness is not domming.  

Some people’s simple lack of understanding of intimacy truly saddens me. And I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about INTIMACY. About knowing your partner, being there for your partner, talking through things and managing conflict as a team.  

This next one is a very specific rant point. If you haven’t read the “There And Back Again” series this might give spoilers and/or you might be lost. As a counselor, I can ASSURE you that the dynamics with Jungkook and Jimin include CARE and COMFORT on both sides. The way people seem to think that Jungkook wasn’t a caretaker for Jimin simply because he didn’t coddle him BLOWS MY MIND. Again, is it just because we have so FEW depictions of true intimacy and care for our partners? People process trauma in so many ways. Some people need the image that apparently so many of you draw up in your mind; the hugs, the soothing words, etc. Some people don’t. Jimin specifically in this piece didn’t need that kind of care. If you paid attention AT ALL to his character you would know that. This version of Jimin needed to feel like he was still capable, that he didn’t lose his strength and who he was, he needed to know that he still had PURPOSE. Jimin didn’t need to be coddled the way you seem to think he did. The way Jungkook didn’t make a big deal of Jimin going to therapy – that's the reaction Jimin NEEDED. If you can’t see Jungkook’s apologies for his focus on Jimin’s injuries and how he couldn’t do certain things as care, if you can’t see Jungkook’s desire to learn grounding techniques to help Jimin through flashbacks and panic attacks as care, if you can’t see Jungkook’s support of not just therapy but going to school as care...then I guess I don’t know what to tell you. But let it be known and clear that Jungkook took care of Jimin in all the ways he needed, and I’m not sorry if you can’t see it. Because THOSE depictions of care and intimacy are NEEDED (clearly) and I won’t write cookie-cutter bullshit just so people like it.  

On that note – people's weird dislike of Jimin bottoming at the end of that series is so strange to me. Like, why? Does it revert back to people’s massive inability to accept him as a potential bottom? Is it the inability to reconcile his incredibly masculine portrayal with their perceived feminine role? People say they don’t think he’d healed enough... literally the last chapter is THREE YEARS later. You think he didn’t put in some work in that time? Jesus. As for saying it didn’t seem natural? ...honestly that final scene with them is one of my absolute favorites...I know a few who would agree with me.  

I want to throw in one other comment/disclosure before y’all run in here and call me a hypocrite. I did recently call something out that honestly just needed to be, in my opinion. I’m sure much of that situation was due to me being a sexual assault advocate and recognizing the situation for what it was, and for recognizing the impact that the mislabeling could have on others. It was an intense moment, and I’m thankful that the creator was open to hearing me out in my escalated state. We talked through it, heard each other’s points and have moved on. And I still fully support them in their work as they are an incredible writer.  

I think that’s all I have. For now.  

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

[hamliet]

Disney Princesses as Strong Women: Cinderella’s Courage and Compassion

Ah, time for one of my favorite princesses and perhaps the most common target of, for lack of a better term, haters. As a film, Cinderella is a surprisingly realistic portrayal of abuse and how abuse survivors cope, as well as an optimistic fairytale.

As a disclaimer, there is room for legitimate criticism of Cinderella and this is not going to invalidate any valid criticism of her film, but rather offer a different perspective on her film and specifically on Cinderella as a character. 

Cinderella is too girlish! Cinderella waits for a man to save her! Or so the criticisms go. As for the latter, that’s blatantly not true according to the story, and as for the former, well... I’ll quote part of what I said in my Snow White analysis here, adapted for Cinderella:

If you... devalue her based on the strong presence of her traditionally feminine traits while ignoring her very real and very present strength[s], perhaps you should be reexamining your own sexism.

As for Cinderella herself, her defining traits are not that she cooks and cleans--she sings as she does so, but she also doesn’t voluntarily do any of it, unlike Snow White. She does however do almost everything out of compassion both for others and for herself. Why compassion is seen as a feminine trait is honestly another discussion all together and it’s disturbing that this does appear to be a common assumption. Compassion is good. The answer isn’t to not emphasize  compassion in a female character (who, by nature of existing in a fairy tale for children, is going to be a relatively simple character), but rather emphasize it for male characters as well. Cinderella (1950) does also play with gender roles several times, notably with Lady Tremaine (the wicked stepmother) and with the Grand Duke. 

This film goes out of its way to highlight Cinderella’s compassion as the trait that is most beautiful about her, though it’s certainly a valid criticism that the stepsisters are noted to be “awkward” (the film never uses the word “ugly”) and Lady Tremaine is noted to be jealous of Cinderella’s beauty--but also her charm, aka her personality. 

It’s noted that Cinderella’s father married Lady Tremaine only because he felt his daughter “needed a mother’s care.” In other words, the man’s own insecurity and belief that he wasn’t enough led to him marrying the woman who would later abuse Cinderella. In other words, because he didn’t think he could be enough of a feminine influence on her, she wound up being abused. Damn you sensitive masculinity. 

But it’s also notable that the father is noted to love his child very much, and that compassion is clearly very important to Cinderella’s journey. Under her father’s care, the chateau she grows up in is noted to be beautiful, but once he dies Lady Tremaine “squanders” the fortune on her daughter’s “vain and selfish” interests, letting the chateau fall into disrepair. The chateau can be seen as symbolic of Cinderella herself in some ways, but also of Lady Tremaine--the more energy and time she spends on her selfish jealousy, the more she doesn’t realize that her inner beauty is falling into disrepair.

Cinderella’s got a backbone. The girl is not a pushover even when she’s being ordered around. Starting from her very first proper scene, wherein she teases the birds for waking her up and tries to stay asleep. But she can’t, because she’s got to face the world, which is not as kind to her. She grouses at the clock, complaining that “even he orders me around." When Anastasia and Drizella accuse her of deliberately putting a mouse in her cup, she starts the conversation with her stepmother with “oh please, you don’t think that I--” She tells them “I’m still a member of the family.” She is smart. She is polite to her abusers, yes (often, unfortunately, that’s realistic and a survival strategy) and even kind to Lucifer, the privileged fat cat (and the best character). And yet Cinderella doesn’t take Lucifer’s bullshit, sarcastically telling him “I’m sorry if Your Highness objects to an early breakfast.” She has spunk.

However, Cinderella is also naive and prone to losing herself in dreams. Dreams are coded as positive in Cinderella, but also as something that doesn’t suffice as a long-term solution. Instead, dreams are tools that help you escape. For example, the Fairy Godmother’s illusion is basically a waking dream that enables her to reach her escape. But the Fairy Godmother also warns her the dream comes with a time limit, and she needs to pay heed to it (and almost doesn’t): “But like all dreams, it can’t last forever.” The next morning, Cinderella again loses herself to her daydreams, humming and singing and so lost in her dreams that she doesn’t hear her animal friends trying to warn her that Lady Tremaine is about to lock her in the tower. Which she does. 

Yet without dreams, Cinderella could not have survived the years leading up to her dream becoming a reality for a few hours. As she directly states, while Lady Tremaine can take almost everything from her, no one can order her to stop dreaming. While Cinderella is trapped in an abusive situation, she desperately wants to leave, and she believes she will escape some day. A dream, for Cinderella, is escapism, because she can at least be free from something the film itself directly calls “abuse” and “humiliation.” Dreams are not silly; speaking as an abuse survivor myself, sometimes that’s all you have. In her song “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” she sings: 

In dreams you will lose your heartache 

Whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

The dream that you wish will come true.

Is it simplified? Sure. But that’s a beautiful message to give kids suffering. And given the dual coding of dreams as being something you cannot lose yourself in either, it gives a practical message of acting on your dreams as well. 

Cinderella’s compassion is primarily shown through her treatment of the pesky animals, the ones that disgust her stepsisters (like mostly mice, but also birds and Bruno, the dog whom Cinderella warns the stepmother wants to kick out).  But she encourages the mice to be smart and Bruno to learn to like cats (aka Lucifer) if only for practical reasons (because they’ll throw him out otherwise). I think this reveals a good deal of Cinderella’s mindset: that she does what they want her to do because she wants to survive. She wants a warm bed and food, and running away all on her own would ensure she’d lose that. Abuse victims do genuinely weigh their options like this, and choosing to stay (especially as a dependent, like Cinderella is) is not something that should be condemned. 

The moment Cinderella hears that a mouse (GusGus) is in the rat trap, she stops what she’s doing and rushes down the stairs. In other words, while she can’t yet escape, she’ll be damned if she’ll let someone else suffer abuse in a trap they can’t leave. Not only that, but GusGus is terrified and Cinderella notes as such, and asks for someone who better understands (Jack) to talk to him, and even though GusGus is aggressive at first, Jack’s insistence that they like him and Cinderella likes him coaxes him out of the cage. In other words, compassion and kindness enable him to make a courageous choice and leave the cage. 

GusGus is the opposite of Cinderella in some ways: he directly wants to challenge Lucifer until Jack begs him not to. He wants to fight, but practically speaking, it’s just stupid for a mouse to go up against a cat, and Cinderella too lacks the means to go up against her stepfamily. It’s a realistic portray of abuse. GusGus also repeatedly makes naive choices, but in contrast to Cinderella, he tends to be more active (taking risks that aren’t exactly the wisest). For example he gets attacked by the more powerful chickens in a quest for food and they steal his food (it’s foreshadowing to the later scene where the stepsisters will tear Cinderella’s dress from her), but Cinderella intervenes and she gives a downtrodden mouse some food.

Like Snow White, Cinderella’s kindness is rewarded, in that the mice and birds are genuine friends to her (it’s a kids movie don’t take it too literally). They help her make her bed, shower, etc. in the morning, and they then make her dress for her when she doesn’t have time to do it herself. And again, there is a realistic portrayal of abuse in that the stepmother dangles a false hope/dream in front of Cinderella: finish all your chores and get something nice to wear, and you can come--but she fully intends to never let Cinderella come by giving her extra chores. 

Despite being a fairytale, in Cinderella, compassion is not always rewarded by things working out. The stepsisters are not just jealous of Cinderella’s looks and her own compassion, but the compassion given to her. They don’t want the beads or the sash, but Lady Tremaine manipulates them into tearing them from Cinderella. Again, it’s realistic to abuse, because parents will often mobilize and manipulate other children to target one. 

This is Cinderella’s nadir, in which she sobs, “It’s no use. No use at all. I can’t believe. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing,” That’s pretty dark for a kid’s movie, but honestly... don’t we all know that feeling? I certainly do. Cinderella’s arc is about learning to be courageous and take steps in that courage, and this is the moment all of it deserts her, because the one thing she has that connects her to others--compassion--appears to have all been for naught.

What gives Cinderella the push of courage she needs to leave the chateau? The compassion of the fairy godmother. And the fairy godmother makes the ordinary things, the despised things like mice and Bruno (an old dog at risk of being thrown out) into magical things, again reinforcing the theme that the ordinary can be extraordinary, and that the real magic is in the compassion and love she shares with her friends (who are animals because it’s a kid’s fantasy movie). In the end, though the dress they made for her was destroyed, she still couldn’t get to the ball without her friends. 

So Cinderella is off to the ball, and that’s when she will meet the prince--who is having to deal with his own issues. The Grand Duke is not nearly so abusively coded as Lady Tremaine, but he is kind of unreasonable and threatening towards his vizier. He also plays with gender roles in that he is the father begging his son to marry and make babies because he wants to hear the little feet of his grandchild. He literally dreams about it, and again shows the potential danger of becoming too attached to dreams in that he’s not very nice and is pretty controlling in his wishes to make dreams happen (aka, there’s not a ton of compassion). That being said he’s coded comically and does want his son to genuinely fall in love. Also of note: usually the nagging parent desperate for grandkids in fiction is a mother, not a father. 

At the ball, the Prince’s sees Cinderella wandering around, lost and out of place, and goes to comfort her. His compassion leads him to her. 

They sing a song together, and, well, to quote this amazing article about Snow White: 

they share a song together, which is Disney/musical theatre code switching for “romantic/sexual love.”  Generally speaking, the big waltz that Disney’s romantic duos share at the end of the movie is their act of sexual consummation—sex without sex on Disney terms

Again, it is not sexual. It just conveys the same emotional meaning for the characters as sex would in a romcom. It’s a fairytale for kids so of course they fell in love in a few hours--that isn’t meant to be a recipe for real life love advice. She also doesn’t know he is the prince and says as much when she leaves, telling him “I haven’t even met the prince yet!” as an excuse to run. In other words, contrary to the common narrative that she went out looking for a man to save her, she did not. She went out looking to have a good time and happened to find a man. 

The song they sing is “So This is Love” and includes the lyrics “My heart has wings/and I can fly.” Because Cinderella--she’s free now. And throughout the rest of the film, she is free. The guards try to stop her as she flees under the time restriction but she makes it through the palace’s gates. No one and nothing--not the royal guards, not the chateau she grew up in, not the cruelty of her stepmother and stepsisters--can hold her back now. Even though she does go back to the chateau as many abuse victims do, her compassion has enabled her to make connections that will have set her free, and she will run to physical freedom soon enough. 

Her stepmother realizes it too: once Cinderella hears the man she was dancing with was the prince, she drops the trays (symbolic of her servanthood, as she’s repeatedly shown carrying those trays) in shock, and as Anastasia and Drizella threw clothes and orders at her to help them get dress, she dreamily shoves them back into their arms and goes to get dressed herself instead. 

When the stepmother locks her in the room, it’s the mice who face off with Lucifer, but this time not for mere food, but for their friend, and they free her. The mice dive straight into the teacups to get the key from Lady Tremaine, which is also a callback to an earlier scene in which GusGus was trapped in a teacup to hide from Lucifer.

The man is also about to give up and is distraught when Cinderella is finally freed but Lady Tremaine smashes the slipper. But Cinderella pulls out another slipper, again showing herself capable of helping other people scared of people in power over them. Her compassion saves her, and saves others around her. When Cinderella gets married the mice and old horse and Bruno, who all played a role in freeing her from Lady Tremaine and also escorted her to the ball, are celebrating with her. Because Cinderella’s story is meant to give hope to the people in her story, and to the audience. 

A dream cannot save you, but it can give you a chance to escape by giving you the hope you need. Compassion and courage is what will save you. I think that’s a beautiful message within Cinderella. 

Thanks for reading! Up next, Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty--which was one of my favorite movies as a kid. For previous entries in this series, see here:

Snow White’s Self-Esteem

[aquarianlights]

hii, i saw a post you made about planned parenthood which i don’t know what is (i’m sorry about that and i would appreciate if you explained that to me?), and it made me very happy that they treated you respectfully but it is so sad that people tear up about being treated with respect because it was supposed to be a basic thing?? like, everyone should be treated with respect and it shouldn’t be something that makes us impressed?? sorry if i didn’t make sense, and i’m so happy for you!

PPH is an absolutely wonderful organization here in America that is a clinic-type setting to help with many issues, but they tend to help most with things like birth control. They’re absolutely wonderful and sent from the heavens for WAY too many reasons for me to list off, so I digress, but to make it as concise as possible, they’re a nonprofit clinic specializing in reproductive care, but they also take on many other things other than just that. But I digress because if I start talking about PPH, all of that that I just tried VERY hard to be as concise as humanly possible about will turn into a tangent. Haha.

But wow yeah so. . .It’s funny that today would be the day that I now have time to catch up on some asks because I just had a very similar experience today at my OBGYN and I just got through freaking out to my roommate about it.

I was in my OBGYN’s office today with an equally amazing clinic in New Orleans called Crescent Care and they are just as equally trans friendly and we are talking about my nexplanon implant because I have birth control for the sole purpose of keeping my period at bay and making sure I never, ever have one or *any* associated symptoms but recently something happened regarding my nexplanon that was super strange and I had to go to the ER for it but the doc at the ER said it would be fine. . .yet here I am on week 5 (yes, that’s right, FIVE) of my period. I have legitimately had a full blown period for FIVE FUCKING WEEKS. So something was up with my nexplanon implant and I finally got to see my gyno about it.

I met her for the first time today. Crescent Care has a huge system and I’m intertwined with a TON of people at three different Crescent Care locations. I have my PCP there, my therapist, my dentist, my HRT people, my finance adviser, my psychiatrist, and now I have finally met my new gynecologist, as well. I mention this because I met a new doc for the first time, but since she is with the same business as all my other doctors. . .the files are all in the computer. See what I’m getting at?

So her LPN is taking my stats and stuff before she comes in. This story is actually about her LPN, not her. The LPN and I are talking and she’s plugging in all the info they need into the chart. We’re chatting about my issues at school inbetween coz I found out some troubling news on campus today.

And then all of a sudden. . .about 5 minutes in. . .I’m talking like normal while she’s typing and clicking on her chair with wheels (a rolling office chair) and she freezes and then swivels around and plants her feet right in front of me to stop her twirl on the chair and abruptly places her hands on my knees and I stopped mid-word as she almost-angrily scolded me with “WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME I HAVE BEEN USING THE WRONG PRONOUNS THIS ENTIRE TIME?!”

My jaw was hanging open because I had very literally stopped speaking mid-word. I blinked at her twice. “I. . .what?”

She points to the virtual charts on the screen. “You’re transgender, boy. It says in your charts you identify as male! I’ve been using she/her pronouns this ENTIRE time!! You never corrected me even ONCE!”

My heart was in my throat and I wanted to cry. “I don’t ever correct people on anything other than my name because I can’t dress masculine during the summer and I’m scared telling people I’m transgender will get me hurt or killed or will hurt my chances of getting certain connections for med school...” Which, all of that is true and all of that is the exact reasoning as to why I never correct anyone irl unless they’re going to be permanent in my life.

I had my hands up while I was talking coz I occasionally talk with my hands and I’ve been doing that more and more lately. And she smacked one of my hands down lightly and just waggled her finger at me and was like “Don’t you feel scared with me or ANYONE at any crescent care clinic. Don’t you dare. And you correct us when we’re wrong.” And she swivels back around and just starts clicking again and starts mumbling to herself about “Dang. That was so disrespectful of me. This whole time. This whole time I’ve been using the wrong pronouns. So wrong of me.”

And I keep getting these moments of warmth and love the longer I live in large cities. The acceptance is. . .unbelievable. Especially coming from a 50-60 year old woman.

When I came home and told this story to my roommate today, I was heavily reminded of the experience I had at planned parenthood years upon years ago. For you to write me this ask now is like. Wow. So crazy.

But . . .yeah. It *SHOULD* be a basic thing, but it’s not for people who are transgender and other minorities. And I get off with the lesser version of it because I’m white. So I can’t even imagine the kind of pain and agony and suffering that POC who are transgender have to go through when I have had a life of being cornered by cis boys who tell me they will “rape the girl back into me” among so, so, SO many other horrifying things. Threats, physical violence to body and property, verbal abuse, sexual abuse. . .if I’ve experienced those things and I’m white. . .what have trans POC experienced? I cannot even begin to imagine. I just do not know. . .

It really should be a basic thing and every time I get . . .RESPECT. . .for being a normal human being and being unapologetically myself, I am always, ALWAYS flabbergasted. I cannot even express the kind of shock and happiness and warmth and love that washes over me when I get basic human respect after people find out I am transgender and not cis. And I shouldn’t experience any of that.

Respect for being a normal human being should be EXPECTED. This kind of behaviour from others shouldn’t be a rare thing that I should be excited about and shocked to hear. This kind of thing shouldn’t BE a story that other’s are reblogging and saying “Oh my gosh, look at how amazing!! That’s so great that someone actually accepted him as who he is. Wonderful. Amazing. This shows what humanity really is!! Awe!! Must reblog!! Wow!! Such amaze!!” Like NO. It should be EXPECTED.

Instead, I just end up fearing the opposite response and constantly fearing how extreme that opposite response will be. Constantly wondering if I will have to fight for my life this time or not. Constantly wondering if this will be the day I die simply because I told the wrong person at the wrong place and the wrong time.

I’m open about my trans identity. . .but I really wish that this kind of acceptance was expected of every single person and was just a natural human thing rather than a rare gem to find that people can “Oooo” and “Ahhh” at.

I’m so tired of people thinking that accepting a normal human being as they are if they are not hurting/endangering anyone/anything shouldn’t be a right. And transgender people have never, are never, and will never endanger/hurt anyone/anything due to the fact they are transgender. 

There is absolutely no valid reason to dislike transgender people. There are plenty of valid reasons to dislike a singular transgender PERSON, because that has absolutely nothing to do with them being transgender and has everything to do with who they are as a person. But there is not a single legitimate reason on this planet that anyone in the world could ever come up with that would be valid for transgender people being “bad” due to them being transgender. And since that is an indisputable fact, there’s no reason to not give us the same level of respect anyone would a cisgender person.

So. . .actually, you’re right. You’re absolutely 200% right that it should not be this way. . .and it’s horribly sad that it is. I didn’t realize how sad it was until you pointed it out. It’s terribly sad that we get so excited all the time when others respect us for just being ourselves and being human.

Man. . .Wow. I never thought about it that way before.

Thank you so much for the ask. I appreciate this so much and you definitely made me smile. :)

I hope you have a wonderful day, fren. I really do. I appreciate you.

[thursday-atdawn]

hey! i run laurentdefer, and you recently reblogged my response post to laurent's masculinity, and i had a question about your tags. how can a gay couple have het norms?

Hi! I saw this ask about a week ago, but I’m not sure how long it’s been sitting here before then, and then I wanted to think about how best to answer before I just dribbled something down. So apologies for how late this answer is! 

Fulldisclaimer, I’m pretty unqualified to answer this question fully andcompletely - my expertise is not sexuality, but I will try to explain what I meant with my limited knowledge. Someone else may grab hold of this and know a lot more about this topic than me and argue something counter to my claims and back themselves up with actual evidence - in which case you should probably listen to them. 

But here’s my answer to how same sex couples can display, practice, and reproduce heterosexual norms: 

There is a clear, understood connection between gender and sexuality - toidentify as gay, straight, bisexual, requires genderingyourself and others. In order to say that you’re sexually attracted to both women and men, you have to first identify others as either women or men. We normally recognize others as “women” or “men” by their physical appearance, dress, mannerisms, ways of speaking, gestures, etc. Gender can be understood as an “ongoing accomplishment” that is reinforced through interaction with others. One of the first things we subconsciously do when we look at someone is attempt to gender them.

Related, masculinity (especially) is traditionally policed usingsexuality: how many women men have slept with; shouting “no homo” after displaying what could be perceived as “homosexual” behavior; name calling other men with derogatory, homosexual terms, etc. are all associated with hegemonic masculinity, with what it means to be a “man.”

This connection between sexuality and gender also exists with femininity. What it means to be a “woman” is often tied to how women interact with men; as deferential, submissive, sexually passive, less aggressive. (Yes, I am equating women with femininity and men with masculinity; divulging further into that is another subject.)

So gender andsexuality are often considered and talked about as very intersected, and with gender comes an entire host ofexpectations and behaviors and norms, some of which I mentioned above, and none of which are easily undone, even ifyou’re well-meaning and intentional. As individuals we learn these normsfrom a very early age; from parents, peers, media, teachers, etc.; whatit means to be a girl, a boy, a woman, a man. Think about an infant boy child being told he’s a “lady’s man” because his eyes happen to be looking in the direction of a young girl - he’s learning how to be a (heterosexual) man, learning about what it means to be a (heterosexual) man.

I know I’ve already digressed too far since I’m drowning in gender literature at the momentstudying for my qualifying exams (and no one deserves that, sorry), so I’ll just get back to the point of the ask, again stating that sexuality isn’t my forte. 

In a lot of ways, same sex couples can, and do, rewrite gender norms; can disrupt them and undo them, but they can also reproduce them, such as instances where same sex partners identify as either more “masculine” or “feminine” than the other. Also, same sex couples where the partner who earns less does more housework is perpetuating heteronormativity. Cases where a more feminine-identify partner engages in more childcare is another example. 

In fact, I’ve read some very persuasive arguments suggesting the entire political fight for the legalization of same sex marriage was just reproducing and subscribing to heteronormativity: the heteronormative norm of couples being legitimized through marriage, which has a long, sexist history. Really, the campaigns to legalize same sex marriage were rooted in heteronormativity: “love is love,” “we’re just like you except what we do in the bedroom,” are all arguments purporting that same sex couples are literally no different from straight couples - and this line of argument worked in the United States because it fit better with the straights.

I’m digressing again because that’s an entirely different conversation, one that I’m even further from qualified to talk about.

tldr; heteronormativity is oppressive and really shitty for everyone (especially women); gender and sexuality can be understood better intersectionally; and not saying all do, or even most, but same sex couples can display, practice, and reproduce heteronormative norms because literally heteronormativity is everywhere and if you aren’t trying not to, you’re probably practicing it.

[prettyflyforamercguy-blog]

1 through 6 AND 13

What is the biggest headcanon deviation from the canonmaterial that you have incorporated into the way you write your muse? Why didyou come up with it?

Wade’s schizoaffective disorder. Throughout the comicbook verse, Wade’s behavior has consistently demonstrated both bipolar and schizophrenic attributes. TPTB can tell me as much asthey fucking want that it’s because his brain is “constantly changing” but fuck u that’s a punk out answer. PLUS haha I could scream for about 3 ½ hours about the film and the way that Ryan played Wade and how similar some of his behaviors/expressions/motions are to a character that was openly written as schizophrenic (THE VOICES IS A GREAT MOVIE it can be tropey sometimes BUT AS A WHOLE IT IS VERY VERY GOOD and Ryan’s acting is fuckin primo).

Do you have any controversial headcanons that go againstwhat is generally accepted by the fandom? Do you incorporate this into writingyour muse or keep it to yourself? 

Of course I do because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be me. I think the biggest thing would have to be that I look at Wade and Vanessa’s relationship and from moment one I went holy fuck that is so unhealthy. I look at Vanessa’s actions and I totally understand most of them, I really really do, but I also think about how...completely not good they are, for Wade and for her. I ranted before about how borderline abusive Vanessa’s behavior has been (because i’m sorry sweetie but idgaf if he disappeared in the middle of the night and you thought he was dead you don’t beat on someone for making you hurt and angry that’s not a decent thing to do to someone you love ESPECIALLY if you know that person has a background of abuse) and don’t even get me started on her in the comics sweet jeezaloo. Do you know how many angry messages I’ve gotten for daring to disparrage Vanessa (answer: lots. particularly calling me a mysoginistic prick because I guess almost everyone assumes I’m a dude? Surprise, motherfuckers.) And yes, I do heavily incorporate it into how I write Wade. Other controversial headcanons: wade wilson does not fuck minors or anyone who is like more than a decade younger than him, wade wilson has morals, wade wilson was mentally ill before the mutant factory (you may think this is not controversial but believe me it apparently is).

What is something that was never addressed at all in thecanon material that you have independently developed for your muse?

Ok so I’ve read a lot of Deadpool but not all the Deadpool and I think the only things that I did in fact pull out of thin air/ took a LOT of liberty on were Oleg (the man who trained Wade as a Merc), some of his past relationships (like Ira), and his CSA. Most everything else is at most mildly tweaked conflicting canon material. -addition- oh and him being specifically french canadian. i think that was just me.

Have you made any outright changes to the canon material inorder to write your muse the way you wanted (entire scenes you chose to omit,chapters you say never existed, things you assume were never said, etc.)?

Ok people might get mad about this but I like to pretend that Ellie (his daughter) didn’t happen (like it did in the comic). Because no one can look me in the windows to my soul and tell me that Wade would be that kind of…shitty of a parent. Like yes he’d be immature and stuff but he would not keep his identity hidden from his child for any amount of time nor would he be so breathtakingly stupid about keeping said child safe. I just have so many issues with the way him as a parent was handled and how very against his nature it could be at times lmao

What is an aspect of your muse’s canon material or canonexistence that you never had the opportunity to explore but really want to? 

His brutal, darkside psychopathy. Like I am not one who disregards the horrific things that comic Wade has done, and I know my Wade is capable of some pretty fucked up shit if the brew is right. He has kidnapped, he’s tortured, he’s tortured to death, he’s done some pretty twisted shit when he’s in the right (or wrong) place and I haven’t gotten a chance to explore that. I love exploring Wade’s good side, but what I love about Wade is that he can be incredibly good but incredibly fucking twisted, sometimes legitimately at the exact same time. I want to explore that. 

What is the general opinion of your muse’s fandom aboutthem? Do you agree with it?

This is another one I could probably yell about for an hour. The fandom likes to do three things with Wade that makes me absolutely CRINGE: they like to make him Hyper-masculine (gag me), they like to ship him with underaged character (shoot me in the fucking face), and they like to play him like a 2006 scene girl ( totally kerrrrazy and rand0m). Wade is a complex, deep character that is more than fucking T-shirts with his face on them that say “Tacos”; a character with a lot of depth and intelligence who gets reduced to this shit by characters in the comicbooks and it genuinely pisses him off/ hurts him(INFINITY GAUNTLET ANYONE). Wade also would never with a child (and yes if you are under 18 you are a child to him Wade Wilson is between 30-45 years old) so that is just squicksville both to me and to my muse. Lastly did u know??? it is ok??? for a man to be male and still like things that are non-gender conforming and be non-gender conforming with his interests and behaviors?

What canon character do you really wish your muse couldinteract more with? 

LOGAN. This could be just because my Wade in his infancy of being created interacted with a Logan a lot, but I need more Logan and Wade in my life. I have a MIGHTY NEED.