#like I’m not gunna completely knock it since I’ve never tried it

[readingwriter92]

Okay I can’t tell if this is a thing that’s just a joke

Do people actually microwave water to make tea?

[yespleasetommyshelby]

Temporary - Oscar Diaz imagine Part 6

Previously...

"De nada princesa." He winked before stepping out into the yard, a chorus of 'spooky!' coming from the Santos as he closed the door behind him.

A cough from beside me brought me back to earth, turning to see three sets of eyes on me, Ruby and Jamal looking as though I'd killed somebody right then and there and Cesar with a knowing smirk on his face.

"What?" I asked innocently.

------------------

"What did you do?" Jamal asked, still stood staring at me with wide eyes.

"I have never, ever, seen an actual smile on that guys face." Ruby muttered, watching the front door as though Oscar would magically walk through it any second.

"He's got a point." Cesar added making my eyes move to him. "He's my brother and I've never heard him call anyone 'princesa' before, let alone offer to let a girl stay over with no repayment, if you get what I mean." He smirked as he looked at me, his eyes holding a knowing glint.

"Maybe I just have that effect on people." I shrugged with a slight laugh. "Anyway, what's this about a school dance?" I asked in attempt to change the subject.

"It's on Friday and we're gunna get freaky with it." Jamal sung as he moved his hips in what I think was supposed to be a 'sexy' way.

"Okay, that's gross." I stated pointing at the younger boy as he slowly stopped dancing, crossing his arms before flopping down on the couch besides me.

"What is with you people and throwing water on my flame?" He groaned to himself.

"Jamal, baby, you need to have a flame for someone to put it out." I spoke with false sympathy, laughing as he rolled his eyes and mimicked me.

"How were the school dances in Cali?" Ruby asked leaning against the kitchen counter as he watched me.

"Uh, I didn't actually go to any." I shrugged thinking back to how me and Jess would just take a couple bites down to the beach and drink the night away.

"You didn't go? Like, to any?" Cesar asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Not that I remember no, I used to just go down to the beach and get drunk." I shrugged with a small smile.

"You should come." He continued making me look up to him in slight confusion. "To our dance." He clarified with a smirk.

"Oh, well in case you haven't realised I finished school a couple years ago, and I didn't even go to yours." I smiled at his offer.

"So? We can bring dates from other schools, or not from school at all, this is freeridge, it's a pretty relaxed deal." He shrugged, the smirk still on his face.

"I'm not sure that's going to a school dance with a fourteen year old is such a great idea." I muttered unsurely.

"You're overthinking things here Lia." Jamal said loudly as he pushed himself up and stood next to Cesar and Ruby. "God, you're definitely related." He spoke to himself as he looked up to the ceiling.

"Hey!" Me and Ruby yelled at the same time making Jamal raise his eyebrows in an 'I told you so' style. "But he's right." Ruby shrugged. "It's nothing serious just a dance, besides, I thought you'd be up for some fun after whatever just happened." He continued.

"Ruby's right." Cesar nodded, all three boys stood watching me and waiting for an answer.

"Fine." I sighed in defeat. "You're on." I smiled.

--------------

"Thank you again." I smiled as Oscar grabbed what he needed from his room before spending the night on the couch.

"Ain't nothin'." He shrugged as he headed towards the door, fresh shirt and shorts in hand.

"I'm going to the school dance with your brother." I blurted out stopping him with his hand on the doorknob. "Oh my god that sounded so much stranger out loud." I groaned as I flopped back onto his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Why?" He snorted as he turned round, dumping his stuff on a set of drawers before he stood at the side of the bed looking down at me in a mix of confusion and amusement.

"They was talking about the dance and I mentioned I'd never been to one, then Cesar offered to take me." I shrugged before sitting up and looking up at him. "It's not that strange right?"

"You're 19 and going to a school dance with my brother." He said matter-of-factly as he looked down at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I know it's so weird." I half groaned, half laughed as I thought about what I had agreed to. "You know you don't have to sleep out there right? I'm more than happy to, this is your bed after all." I mentioned, running my fingers through my tangled hair.

"A princesa should sleep on a bed, not a couch." He gave me a small smile and a shrug.

"And what about a caballero?" I asked making him look at me in confusion. "Well, you were my night in shinning armour." I teased with a smirk, and I'm sure, I saw a hint of pink lining his cheeks before he cleared his throat and it was gone. "Oscar Diaz get your culo into the bed before I tell all your little home boys that you cried at Marley and me." I smirked knowing that seeing Spooky Diaz crying earlier was going to come in handy, not that he'd admit he was.

"A) I wasn't crying, and b) even if I was you wouldn't dare." He muttered narrowing his eyes at me although the small smirk on his face let me know that he wasn't quite 100% serious.

"Try me." I smirked.

I let out a laugh as he sighed loudly throwing his head back before huffing his way over to the opposite side of the bed, pulling his top over his head before throwing himself down dramatically.

"You're such a drama queen, you know that?" I laughed as I lifted the cover and settled down on the pillow.

"Let's remember who's bed this is yeah." He muttered, both of us laid on our backs and watching the plain white roof.

"Was you close to them? Your parents I mean." I whispered remembering Ruby saying that the Diaz brothers had been alone for the majority of Cesar's childhood.

"My mum died when I was younger, couple years after Cesar was born, I don't remember much about her other than she was a jumped up crackhead." He muttered, my eyes widening slightly at how blunt and open he was being about it. "Me and my dad were kinda close when it came to gang business, I guess, but other than that I barely knew the man personally." I felt him shrug from his place besides me. "What about you?" He asked making me scoff quietly.

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed or not but me and my mum don't exactly have the greatest relationship. She's constantly on my ass trying to put me down, she tried her hardest to make me into the housewife that she's always been, and that's just not me." I shrugged laughing slightly. "But my dad." I trailled of with a sigh, a small smile on my face. "He's the greatest man I've ever met, I mean sure, he's had some troubles in the past but he's always put me and mum above it all. Even when it costs him more than he has, he always finds a way to make sure we're alright." I smiled at the thought of the hero that was my dad.

"He sounds like a good man." Oscar whispered making me turn to face him only to realise that he was already watching me.

"He is." I whispered with a small smile, my eyes captured by his as the familiar butterflies from earlier suddenly reappeared, his eyes moving between my own and my lips.

Not risking another interruption he quickly leant forwards and captured my lips with his own, moving our lips against each other's slowly, the cliché of butterflies and fireworks never really making much sense to me until this moment, when I felt it all.

I kept my eyes closed as we slowly pulled away, his forehead resting against mine as he released my bottom lip with a slight pop. Taking a deep breath I opened my mouth to speak before I was interrupted by a quick kiss on my lips before he pulled back completely.

"Sorry, I uh, I shouldn't have done that." He said quietly, looking into my eyes briefly before reaching over and playing with the small 'D' pendant that hung around my neck. "I know you got a boyfriend." He muttered scowling, dropping the necklace as though it had burned him.

"It's alright Oscar." I smiled slightly, bringing my hands up to the sides of his face my thumb rubbing his jawline gently. "I'm done with him, enough is enough, right." I shrugged making him chuckle slightly.

"It's okay." I smiled bringing my hands to the sides of his face, my thumb rubbing over his jawline gently. "I'm not with him anymore." I shrugged making him chuckle slightly.

"Good." He smirked, placing his hands on he sides of my face forcing me to let go of his and hold onto his wrists instead. Giving me one more smirk he leaned in placing his lips against mine as his hands disappeared from my face, reaching behind my neck as I felt the weight of the necklace disappear.

Pulling away I couldn't help but laugh as Oscar threw the necklace towards the drawers opposite his bed, the small chain sliding across the surface before dropping down the back. Letting out a chuckle of his own he laid himself down pulling me towards him do that my head was resting on his chest, his arm wrapping around me waist from behind while his other was folded under his head.

"Night Lia." He mumbled, placing a small kiss on my forehead.

"Goodnight Oscar." I whispered into the otherwise silent room, placing a brief kiss to his bare chest before drifting off into the darkness.

——————

"Aye Spooky! Where you at?" Accompanied by a know at the door make me jump the next morning as I was getting myself a glass of water in Oscars kitchen the next morning.

Since I'd always been an early bird, as my mother would put it, it was no surprise that I had woken up before Oscar and Cesar, my head resting on Oscars chest with his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"Spooky man, open up!" A different voice called from outside again accompanied by a know that was more like banging.

Sighing to myself I debated whether to go and wake Oscar or to just answer the door myself, yet another knock on the door answering my question for me.

"Can I help you?" I asked as I opened the door to be met with the same Santo that had stepped up to Diego yesterday along with another one that I recognised from the Monse and Cesar fight, the one who tried to step up to me, bitch.

"Where's Spooky?" The bitch asked as he looked me up and down with smirk, only then did I remember that I was in the same clothes I'd slept in, a pair of Oscar's boxers and my tank top, luckily I had remembered to put my bra back on when I'd gotten up this morning.

"How 'bout you show me a little respect before I slam this door in your culo feo." I smiled sarcastically crossing my arms over my chest before the other guy got my attention.

"Hey, uh, Lia right?" He asked with furrowed brows like he was trying to remember. "I was there when your boy came for you." He smiled slightly.

"Right." I nodded. "Thank you for that." I smiled sincerely, genuinely thankful that he had stepped in.

"I'm sad eyes by the way." He smiled as he stuck his hand out for me to shake. "And that's Johnny." He nodded over to his companion.

"Lia." I smiled putting my hand in his and shaking it lightly. "But you already knew that." I laughed.

"Is spooky here or what?" Johnny huffed against the door frame, once again letting his eyes roam my half naked body.

"Spooky's gunna kick the shit outta you if you don't stop looking at her like that." Cesar's voice made me jump as he came to the door with a glass of juice in one hand. "Here." He smiled as he handed me the juice while taking the water from my other hand.

"Oh, thank you C." I smiled as I took a sip. "Oh shit yeah, you guys wanna come in?" I asked quickly remembering the two Santos stood waiting in the doorway.

"Thanks." Sad eyes laughed as he made his way in, fist bumping Cesar on his way.

"Apologise." I said, putting my arm across the doorway before Johnny could walk in, looking up at him with a smirk as he glared down at me. "Apologise for acting like a jackass or you can wait for Spooky out in the yard." I shrugged as he looked at me in disbelief. "Oh, and it rained last night so the couch is slightly damp." I shrugged again as I went to close the door before his hand stopped me.

"Alright, I'm sorry." He smiled sarcastically as he tried to take a step inside.

"You're sorry for what exactly?" I smirked as I stepped in his way again, getting a kick of amusement at the scowl on his face. "Well, I'm waiting." I sighed tapping my invisible watch on my wrist.

"I'm sorry for being a jackass." He groaned rolling his eyes. "Happy?" He sighed as he looked down at the smirk on my face.

"Very." I smiled as I moved out of his way to let him in, closing the door behind him.

"Aye spooky! Where you been man? Damn hyna trying to make me wait inside." Johnny cheered as Oscar appeared from the hallway in nothing but the pair of shorts that he'd slept in last night.

Sure, Oscar Diaz wasn't exactly rocking an eight pack and abs of steal, but my god was he something to look at first thing in the morning. I couldn't help but blush as his eyes landed on me, scanning me up and down quickly before he looked back to Johnny, giving him an uninterested look before shaking his head and heading into the kitchen.

"Lia." He called looking over his shoulder at me. "Come here a second." He added, motioning for me to go over to him.

"What's up?" I asked standing next to him as he opened the fridge only to from when it came up empty.

"I was gunna ask if you wanted anything but I gotta go to the store." He groaned rubbing a hand over his tanned head.

"I can take a walk to that cafe down the street, mama coco's is it?" I asked recalling seeing the small cafe a few times since I'd been back in town.

"Nah." He muttered shaking his head, closing the fridge and heading back into the living room. "Johnny, go down to mamma coco's and grab me a coffee and one of those roll things I like." He told him before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a twenty and throwing it onto the Santos lap.

"Do you normally sleep with cash on you?" I asked amused knowing that he had slept in those very shorts. "My bad." I giggled as he turned to look at me with an eyebrow raised and an amused smirk playing on his lips.

"Nah, the girl just offered man." Johnny shrugged as he picked up the cash and held it out for me to take.

"I don't care." Oscar muttered as he pushed his outstretched hand away. "What do you want?" He asked looking over his shoulder at me.

"I'll have a tea with two sugars please." I smiled at him. "Oh! And a blueberry muffin!" I added excitedly, smirking when Johnny rolled his eyes.

I laughed as Johnny stood up with a huff before making his way out of the house, with one last laugh I made my way back to Oscars room to put on my clothes from yesterday since the rest of my stuff was back at Ruby's.

"Weren't you wearing that yesterday?" Monse's voice made me jump as I made my way back into the living room that was now occupied by Oscar, Sad eyes and the core 4, plus Olivia. The core 4 was dotted around the room, Sad eyes was laid back on the recliner in the corner while Oscar and Olivia was on the couch, their thighs brushing slightly, a wave of jealousy washing over me before I shook it off, he wasn't mine, I had no right to be jealous over silly little things like that.

"Uh yeah, I haven't been back to Ruby's because, well, ya know." I shrugged slightyl before turning to the blonde girl. "You must be Olivia." I smiled over at the young girl, I'd never met her before, or even heard of her before mum and Geny told me about he staying.

"That's me." She smiled. "You're Lia right?" She said, crossing one leg over the other subconsciously pushing hers and Oscars legs closer together.

"And my date to the dance on Friday." Cesar grinned as he came over to where I was stood and out his arm over my shoulders.

"Strictly friends only, got it." I raised my eyebrows as I looked to him, making him chuckle and nod in agreement.

"Since when are you taking her?" Monse asked confused, ignoring the looks that the rest of the crew was giving her instead opting to keep her attention on me and Cesar.

"Since last night when she told me that she'd never been to her own school dances." He shrugged casually, to him it was no big deal but I could see I'm Monse's eyes that she was hurting.

"You know I don't have to go, not if you two were planning on going together." I said quickly, not looking to be in the middle of a teenage love triangle or whatever this shit was.

"Nah, we're just friends, right monse?" Cesar shrugged as he pulled me close to his side, Monse not missing the gesture.

"Right." She mumbled looking at the ground just as Johnny stormed in and threw a paper bag down onto the ktichen counter before putting the drinks down considerably gentler.

"Oh food!" I grinned as I pulled away from Cesar's hold, jumping up on the counter and opening up the bag, immediately pulling out my blueberry muffin and digging in, sending a muffin filled smile in Johnny's direction. "Gracias." I smirked as he shook his head and leant against the wall.

"Aye where's mine foo'?" Oscar piped up, leaning forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees as he watched me finish my muffin, throwing the wrapper to the side before taking a sip of my tea.

"I'm the bag." I shrugged with a smirk, watching as his eyes lit up with amusement while Ruby and Jamal watched with horror on their faces.

"Is that right?" He asked smirking at me with an eyebrow raised.

"That's right." I nodded as I blew into the lid of my tea before taking another sip.

"You not gunna bring it here?" He asked tilting his head to the side slightly like a confused puppy.

"I'm sorry, remind me how much you're paying me to be your waitress again?" I asked sarcastically, laughing as Ruby and Jamal's eyes widened that little bit more.

"I'll get it for you Mr Spooky Sir." Jamal said quickly getting up from his seat and rushing towards the bag only for me to grab the bad and hold it behind my back.

"Nu-Uh." I muttered shaking my head with a chuckle. "I'm gunna need the owner of the bag to come and collect it thank you." I smirked looking from Jamal to Oscar who was watching me with an amused smile on his face before he pushed himself to his feet and walked over.

"I'm right here." He smirked making Jamal jump as he appeared behind him. "Can I get my food now?" He asked as Jamal scurried back to his spot making me laugh.

"Of course." I grinned handing the bag over. "What do I get for keeping it safe for you?" I asked quietly, knowing that the other people in the room were watching the interaction.

"I could think of something." He muttered, a smirk on his face as he stepped closer.

"Oh yeah?" I smirked back as he took another step so that we were basically chest to chest only having to look up at him slightly from where I was sitting on the counter.

"Yeah." He mumbled before taking my head in his hands and bringing his lips down on mine in a slow but butterfly filled kiss.

The joint "Oh my god." From Ruby and Jamal making us pull apart slowly with small smiles on both our faces.

[xwing-baby]

Impulse: Part 1 (Javier Pena x Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Pena as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: ANGST! Explicit drug and alcohol abuse from the beginning, depressive thinking/intrusive thoughts, swearing

Word Count: 4.8k

A/n: My first ever Javi fic, of course I had to make it the angstiest thing I’ve written in a long time!!  This is part one of the first part of the story which is also the end of the story... just had to make it confusing for you. 

Disclaimer: I do not have any experience with cocaine or addiction, all writing is based on my own research and is not a good representation of how it really is! Don’t do coke kids, it’s never good.

Part 2

---

Four in the morning, the sun was just above the horizon and you were stumbling home from yet another party. Enough tequila swam through your system that you didn’t really think about the wellbeing of your neighbor when you tapped on his door. You wanted to keep going. Javier, you decided, would make the perfect company. And maybe you could continue that kiss you had not stopped thinking about since it happened four months ago! You grinned devilishly at the thought and knocked harder on the door.

“Javi! Javier!” You rapped on the door. “Javier Peña, abra la puerta!” You sang, leaning all your weight on the door as your world span fast around you, “Javi,”

“What?” Javier opened the door suddenly, causing you to fall into him. You laughed as you caught yourself on his arm. You had woken him up, he was dressed in a wrinkled t-shirt and sweatpants with his hair bushy and wild. 

“Hola!” You grinned up at him, not hiding the way you checked him out. You were obviously drunk and high, eyes red and shining brightly even in the dim light of the apartment block hallway. Javi wrinkled his nose as the smell of you hitting him, tequila and cigar smoke clung to you.

“Again?” Javi sighed heavily. This was the third time this week you had woken him up, accidentally or on purpose, coming home drunk. He was starting to worry about you. 

“Si,” You grinned from ear to ear, You were in more of a state than last time. For one you were still speaking Spanish, something Javi had rarely ever heard you speak. You must have been with your local friends, he surmised. “No lo siento Javi. ¡Es divertido!”

“It’s not fun, you’re a mess. Get in here,” He pulled you by the arm into his apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“Eres enojado?” You asked, still grinning. You walked backwards into his apartment, tripping down the step and landing with a thud on his leather couch. You cackled with laughter.Javier frowned and put his hands on his hips, of course he was annoyed at you! It was four in the morning and you both had work the next morning. You dramatically flopped back on his couch and huffed at his grumpy attitude, “It’s only polite, Javi! They gave it to me!”

“It’s poison!! He exclaimed, “Why would you do that to yourself?” 

“It’s helping,” You proclaimed. 

“It’s not helping anyone, you’re gunna fuck up sooner or later.” Javi warned, as he had done many times before. 

“I got that list,” You protested, “That was helpful!”

“And what will you do when they work out that you stole it?” 

“No lo sé,” You shrugged. You reached into your pocket and grabbed the last of the coke you had been given. You wanted a little more. You pulled the tin out of your pocket and placed it on the coffee table at your feet.

“You-,” Javi started before he noticed what you were doing, instantly he was on you, “Para!” He exclaimed as he snatched the coke from your hand before you had time to open it. 

“Necesito!” You whined, pouting at him. You were lying, you didn’t need it. You wanted it, a lot. 

“No,” Javi snapped.

“Lo siento, Javi,” You pleaded with him, eyes locked onto the packet in his hand.

“You’re not though, are you? Fucking look at me!” He yelled. You startled and looked up at him as tears pricked your eyes. “Quit it. Now. You know what this shit does, stop it. Whatever you think you’re doing is not worth it, okay?”

“Pero-“

“No. Me vale!” He cut you off. “You’re better than this, Y/n,”

You sustained eye contact for a moment. The room was deathly quiet, he glared at you with fierce intensity. You had never seen him so angry, if you weren’t so drunk you would have instantly buckled under the pressure. The only thing your drunk brain could think of was how hot he looked, you wondered how rough he would be with you if he was this angry. You couldn’t help the snigger that crept up in your throat at that thought. You clamped your hand over your mouth to stop the laugh, Javi rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry!” You laughed, “It’s just you can’t look at me like that and not fuck me!” 

“Jesus christ,” Javier pinched the bridge of his nose. What little patience he had for you was running out fast. You continued to laugh. 

“Can I stay here?” You asked.

“Take the couch,” Javi waved you off, his back turned heading back to his bedroom. 

“I can’t sleep with you?” Your voice was laced with innuendo, he knew what you wanted. A part of him was tempted, your dress left very little to the imagination, but he knew he couldn’t do it.

“You’re drunk and high,” Javier said plainly, “and we’ve spoken about this before. No,” He was firm with you. He hated having to reject you for a second time but he wasn’t a complete monster. He wouldn’t sleep with you in this state. 

“Worth a try,” You laughed, thankfully giving up quickly. Javi shook his head and walked away again, “Muchos gracias, Javi,” You called after him. He shut the door. 

--

You woke up as the early morning sunlight pushed through the windows. You groaned and turned over, finding you were not in your bed but on a couch. Startled, you sat up and nearly screamed when you recognised the apartment as Javier’s. Luckily you were still fully dressed with your shoes still on, nothing had happened. Memories of how you got there were blurry, you remembered knocking on his door but had blacked out after that.

The clock on the wall said it was six am. You could go upstairs to your own bed clean up and hope that maybe Javi wouldn’t hear you and confront you about it. 

You stood up from the couch, trying not to think about all the things the man had done on it, and grabbed your jacket from the ground. As you stood up the strength of your hangover kicked in, you grumbled. That was when you noticed the discarded coke packet on the counter. You stopped. You knew you shouldn’t pick it up, you didn’t need it. But the taste caught at the back of your throat and you found yourself wanting it. It was undeniably addictive, you had promised yourself you wouldn’t take it this far but the foul substance had made its bed.

“Go home,” Javi’s voice broke you out of the trance. He was only wearing sweatpants, hair mussed up from sleep that you had most definitely disturbed more than once. He pulled the cocaine off the table and threw it into the trash before you could reach it. You gulped, shame rising like hot steam through your lungs. You grabbed your things and left, running straight upstairs to your own apartment.

It was still early but you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep again. Shame was swirling up in your throat. How ironic that a DEA agent was addicted to the thing she was meant to be stopping? But you weren’t addicted, you reasoned with yourself, you were fine. This was no different to when you lived off Redbull for a month during finals, it was a matter of changing some coping mechanisms. It was a reaction to the stress of being so close to Escobar yet so still so far. You could change it, you had control. 

You made a coffee, instant and black. It was bitter and disgusting but it would keep you awake. You collapsed onto your tired old couch and flicked on the tv to a telenovela rerun. You barely understood what was going on but the hilarious overplayed drama was light enough to stop you swimming into the depressing pool of thoughts currently threatening to drown you. 

Eight o’clock came and you were ready to go to work. You were used to this routine now, hungover and tired, you knew you weren’t at your best but until this morning nobody knew about your slow descent into chaos. You weren’t surprised to find Javi’s truck gone without you. All you could remember from last night as how mad he was, and his face this morning only proved it. You dreaded seeing him. 

Luckily, you were spared the hassle of public transport by Steve who trundled down the stairs after you and offered you a ride. The conversation was light and everything seemed normal for a moment. You got to work, Steve ran off after a call from Javier leaving you with a mountain of paperwork to hunt through. For once you didn’t care, paperwork didn’t judge you.

A few hours passed and the boys returned. You did your best to ignore them while they bickered, hoping that you could melt into the background, until someone tapped on your desk. 

“Hey, I’m talking to you Rookie,” Javi’s voice made you look up. “Come on, we’re going,” 

Before you could say anything he threw your jacket at you and you had no choice but to follow him outside. You tried to rack your brain for why Javi would be taking you anywhere today, especially after this morning. You had expected him to ground you, to be impossibly angry at you, not take you out. You climbed into the passenger seat of the truck and Javi didn’t say a word. He didn’t look particularly angry, he looked stressed but he had looked like that since the day you got down here. He was silent, letting the radio play between you, when all of a sudden he reached over and turned it off. 

You looked over at him, expecting him to start his lecture but he didn’t. He let the silence sit between you for the rest of the journey. Somehow it was worse, you’d rather he got mad at you and shouted. It was just unsettling.

Finally you pulled into the embassy, you flashed your badges at the gate and parked. Fear was starting to grow now. Was he going to get you fired? He wouldn’t bring you down here for that surely? He would have called and said what he wanted, he hated coming down here unless he had to. You stayed quiet, too scared to ask, and followed him inside. 

Javi greeted the assistant at the door, as smooth as ever somehow managing to melt her in her chair in five seconds. You smiled and waved to her, she scowled at you as soon as Javi had turned his back. 

“He’ll be in a minute,” The girl called after you as you entered the Ambassador’s office. You took one chair, Javier took the other, in front of the large mahogany desk.

Unlike Steve and Javi you didn’t see the ambassador often, often left in the office while they had meetings about things higher than your post. Your heart was beating so hard in your chest you thought it might burst. You rubbed your hands on your jeans and fidgeted in your seat. Why in hell were you here? 

Before you could bring up the courage to finally ask Javi the Ambassador walking into the room. You stood up immediately to shake his hand, Javi stayed seated.

“Y/n, nice to see you again,” The ambassador smiled kindly as he shook your hand. “Agent Peña,” He greeted the agent next to you, who nodded casually.

“You too, Sir,” You tried your best to sound confident. The Ambassador sighed heavily as he sat in the leather chair, took a sip of the water at his side and began the meeting.

“So, I got the call from your coordinators this morning, they’re coming down on Monday for the review. I thought we should have this meeting together to discuss things before they come down,” 

Your six month review! That was what you had forgotten. Half relieved that your mentor hadn’t brought you down here to completely humiliate you, you smiled and nodded. With everything going on you hadn’t noticed the months fly past so fast, you barely remembered what day it was anymore. 

The Ambassador carried on with the meeting, unaware of your panicking. You nodded along, answering his questions in short yes or no answers, he then moved to Javier. As your mentor he was the one in charge of delivering your progress onto your coordinators. You watched him speak, sound not registering anymore. You hoped to god that he wouldn’t throw you under the bus and tell the entire truth, he knew how much this meant to you surely he wouldn’t. 

Nervous, you stuffed your hands into the pockets of your jacket. You almost had a heart attack when you felt something inside. A small metal tin, rounded and rusted. You immediately knew what it was and froze. There was coke in your pocket. Javi gave you a sideways glance, as he noticed you stiffen up suddenly. 

You wracked your mind for where the hell the tin had come from, until you remembered. This wasn’t your jacket, Maria had given it to you a few months ago and never asked for it back. You hadn’t worn it before today and had no idea that your friend’s stash lay inside the pockets. You tried to stay rational, tried to listen to the important conversation happening around you but your hand stayed clamped around the drug in your pocket. It would help you concentrate, it could calm you down. You could take it and nobody would notice. 

“I- I’m sorry can you excuse me for a moment?” You blurted out, interrupting the ambassador.  He frowned at you, surprised by your interruption. You had gone white with panic, obviously clutching at something in your pocket but he didn’t think anything of it. He nodded and you ran out the room before he could verbally release you. 

You tried to remain calm as you ran through the halls of the embassy, it seemed like everyone was watching you. They knew exactly what you were doing, they were judging you. You ran into the first women’s bathroom you could find, quickly checked nobody was in any stalls, and locked the door behind you.

Throwing the package on the sink like it was burning through your hand, you stood over it, watching it intensely like it could jump away at any moment. The voice in your head kept tempting you, calling you weak and useless, to do it to get rid of it. Nobody would know if you took it. You’ve given in this far why not do it. It will help you calm down. Take it. 

As if you were possessed, you unwillingly opened the tin and poured the powder onto the surface. There wasn’t much there, barely a pinch full, hardly anything at all. You couldn’t just leave it there now, someone would definitely know it was yours. They all knew why even bother hiding it anyway. You should take it. You were too weak to resist it. Take it.

And you did. The chemical shot straight to your brain giving you the brilliant feeling you had been missing. You sighed in a relief as you felt every anxiety fade from your body. It wasn’t that bad, you feel better with it, the voice in your head said. You weren’t wrong. You did feel better. You looked it too, your cheeks had colour again, you smiled and laughed to yourself as it took hold.

You brushed away the excess powder and unlocked the door. You nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw Javi leaning against the opposite wall. His arms were crossed over his chest, judging you with a cocked eyebrow. He had been waiting for you. You sighed and rolled your eyes immediately walking away from him.

“Don’t stand outside the women's bathroom’s Javi. It's creepy,” You snapped as you passed him. 

“You missed a bit,” Javi commented, following closely behind you. 

“Fuck off,” You grumbled. Despite yourself you wiped your sleeve over your nose. He was right. 

“Shooting up in a bathroom is real low, Rookie, even for you,” He snarled. You continued walking down the hall, ignoring him. You were as angry at your actions as he was but you didn’t have control anymore. You couldn’t stop yourself, “Hey! I’m fucking talking to you,” Javi grabbed your arm and sharply pulled you backwards, pressing your back into the wall and trapping your body between his.

“You’re hurting me!” You complained, shoving him off you with as much force as you could give. It didn’t get you far as he pushed you to the wall again with as much force. Your back slammed against the cold stone hard, no doubt bruising it. 

“Then listen. What the fuck is the matter with you?” He snarled, “Doing that shit here? Or anywhere in fact! You are completely out of control,” You ground your teeth, seething with anger, “Do you have no respect for yourself?” You struggled against him, trying to get away again to avoid the question, Javi held you in place. “Not going to say anything?” You looked away, purposely turning your cheek to him, “Get a fucking grip or I’m sending you home,” He growled. 

You didn’t answer, staring at the patterned tile floor. Finally he gave up. With a grunt he let you go and stalked away down the corridor. 

As he disappeared around the corner, a tidal wave of anger and frustration flooded your system. You kicked the line of chairs next to you, crying out curses as you sent them flying across the corridor. The metal clattered against the stone drawing people out of their offices, they all stood from their doorways and watched you, judging you. You heart hammered in your chest, chest heaving for air and you glared back at them all. You let out a deep breath and turned on your heel, leaving the mess behind you, and walked outside.

Despite himself, Javi had waited for you in the parking lot. You jumped into the passenger seat without a word, slamming the door hard to get your point across. You couldn’t tell if you were sweating from anger or the drugs coursing through you. Neither of you said a word for the journey. Javi had said he needed to, and you weren’t able to string together a coherent sentence for everything you wanted to scream at him yet. 

You were too focussed on the music playing from the stereo to really notice where you were going. The rhythms and lyrics seemed to float around you and soak into your skin. You didn’t see Javi’s furious scowl when you unknowingly started to dance in your seat, something you couldn’t help but do when listening to Columbian radio no matter your mental state. You were having a good time until the car stopped and the music was cut abruptly. Snapping out of your trance you looked around and realised you were at your apartment. 

“Get out. You’re done for today,” Javi said, his voice was eerily calm and you knew to be terrified. Quiet Javi was always the angriest.

“What?” You asked dumbly. 

“Get out!” He leant over you and pushed the door open. You frowned, but slipped out the truck and did as you were told. Javi pulled the door shut behind you and rolled away, leaving you standing on the sidewalk opposite the apartment building completely dumbfounded. 

You were stuck to the sidewalk, staring at the building. The sun beat down on you, scorching your skin yet you couldn’t feel it. You were numb to everything.

Your first thought was to find Maria and get more coke to hide further into yourself and avoid the awful shame creeping up your neck. The speed the thought entered your head petrified you. Your control was slipping through your fingers like sand and your body was screaming to move. Everything inside you told you to give up, that this was the tipping point and you might as well jump because what was the point in pretending anymore. If Javi knew what was the point in trying to cover up how much that narcotic had taken over your life. There was no point at all, you might as well enjoy the feeling whilst you could. 

You turned to leave, letting go of all self control. Your legs knew where to take you, you didn’t even need to look where you were going. But you did, when three steps from your original position you crashed into a woman carrying a bag of groceries. She yelped, the sudden sound snapping you back to reality. 

“What are you doing standing out here? Shouldn’t you be at work?” Connie startled you when she touched you, you had barely noticed her approaching. She frowned, concerned, when she took in your glazed appearance, “Sweetheart?”

“I’m okay,” Your voice cracked as tears filled your eyes. 

“Oh darling, come inside. Come on,” Connie walked across the road, expecting you to follow but you didn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to move, you wanted to run in the opposite direction. You knew if you went inside you would have to tell her what was happening, you didn’t want to make her as mad as Javi was already. “Y/n? Sweetheart you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?” 

“I fucked it all up,” You whimpered as you began to cry.

“Come with me, I’ll get you some water,” Connie bartered, still you didn’t move. Too scared to admit to her what was going on, “Just come inside, please,” 

Finally, you nodded and followed Connie into the building. She walked you into the apartment, sat you on the couch and left to get a glass of water. You hadn’t stopped crying, everything in you was telling you to go and get more to calm yourself down again. You knew not to believe the thoughts but they scared you tremendously. You have really gone too far now. 

Connie passed you the water, and you drank it gladly. She crouched down in front of you, pressed a hand to your forehead and checked your pulse trying to work out what was wrong with you. 

“Did you take something?” She asked. You tried to shake your head and deny it but the way she’s looking at you, sternly but with so much care in her eyes, you couldn’t lie to her. Your no turns into a yes and you instantly recoil from her each touch, hiding in your hands. “What was it?” 

“It was only meant to help,” You cried into your hands.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened,” She pressed. 

“Maria gave me some coke, and it was fine and fun and it helped me get that list from them,” You started to babble, all your words tumbling from your mouth before you could get them into any sensible order, “and everyone was so excited and then I went out kept doing it and then yesterday I ended up at Javi’s and I was tired and-,” 

“Slow down,” 

“It’s my six month review,  and I got so worried then I found it in my pocket! I didn’t know it was there and I just did it! Then Javi caught me again and he kicked me out here!” 

“Do you know how much you took?” 

“Like a tiny bit but I’ll be fine in an hour but-,” Tears slipped from your eyes once again, “What am I going to do?”

Connie didn’t know what to say. She knew you had been going out more with some new friends, Steve had complained because he was always woken up by you when you came back drunk from a party. That's all she thought was going on, you were partying, drinking, like you should at your age. But as she had come to learn, a lot of things in Columbia were not what they seemed. It seemed the darker side of life here had managed to get it’s claws well and truly into you. It broke her heart to see you like this, so broken up. 

You stayed with Connie for the rest of the afternoon, sat on the couch riding out the end of you high. TV kept you company and Connie chewed her nails trying to work out what to do. She thought should call Steve, but if Javier was the one to drop you off here, he probably already knew. She wondered how long it had been going on for, she didn’t get to see you as much as her husband and his partner, whenever she’d seen you you seemed fine, if a little hungover at times. When she thought about, all three of you had taken on destructive habits to cope with the hell you saw every day. Steve was becoming more aggressive by the week, while she knew she was safe she didn’t like what she saw when he flipped out. Everyone in the building knew about Javier’s escapades and now you. It was upsetting to watch from the outside, she couldn’t imagine what it was really like to go through. 

You woke up half an hour later, muddled and more tired than when you’d fallen asleep. 

“Feeling better?” Connie asked with a sympathetic smile.

“Feel like shit,” You muttered. Your head pounded and the heaviness still sat in your chest. That was the kicker, the coke could mask feelings very well but every time you sobered up they were still there waiting. You sighed heavily, pushing yourself to sit up where you’d slumped over, and rubbed your face with your sweaty palms. “What am I going to do?”

“I don’t know sweetie, but I’ll be here to help you,” Connie said kindly, as she sat on the couch next to you. You felt awful for dragging her into all this, yet another person you had let down, ”I think you should tell your boss? Or you’re coordinators, maybe they’ll help,” 

“I’ll be sent home!” You protested, tears filling your eyes once again, “I don’t want to go home, not now!” 

“You can’t keep it to yourself, it will only get worse,” She said, you nodded sadly and cried on her shoulder as she pulled you in for a hug. “I suggest a hot bath, watch some cheesy movie- I managed to find that Indiana Jones movie on tape. I know you love Harrison Ford,” 

“That sounds nice,” You smiled weakly. Connie let you go and grabbed the movie along with a bottle of wine for you. You gathered yourself together, enough to get yourself from Connie’s couch to your own at least. 

“I’m sure Steve won’t notice it’s gone. Go and chill out and watch the movie, have a bit of normality for a change. You’ll feel better I promise,” 

“Thank you Connie, you’re a really good friend,” 

“It’s no problem sweetie, like I said I’m always here for you,” 

Connie gave you another tight squeeze before you left. Iin the hallway you heard the clatter of Javi’s keys in his door below. You wanted to apologise to him, you wanted him to help you! You wanted things to go back to how they were before all this but you knew Javi wouldn’t talk to you. He’d displayed his distaste for the people that fell under the powder’s spell before, he wasn’t going to help. He had trusted you to sort it out yourself but now it was abundantly clear you couldn’t. 

Once again your brain reminded you how easy it would be to get some more coke to cheer yourself up. You could go downstairs and walk down the street, find one of your friends and be happy again so quickly. You didn’t have to feel this pain. 

This time, you ignored it and locked yourself in your apartment. You took yourself to bed immediately, not even bothering to turn on any lights along the journey through the tiny space. You fell on the bed face first. As soon as your body hit the soft material you curled up as tight as you could and began to cry. 

You had failed. You had let your team down, let your coordinators down, let your classmates down and let your family down. You didn’t even want to think about the conversation you would have to have with your mom as to why you were coming home six months early from a placement you fought so hard to get. You thought you could handle it, but you couldn’t. You failed.

--

Part 2

Translations (disclaimer I'm sorry if these are wrong I've been learning Spanish for all of 3 months hence the limited use)

Abra la puerta - open the door

No lo siento Javi. ¡Es divertido! - I’m not sorry Javi, it’s fun!

Eres enojado - are you angry?

No lo sé - I don’t know

Para!- stop!

Lo siento- I’m sorry

Pero- but

Me vale - I don’t care

The next part will be out next Friday! Want to get tagged? Let me know! 

Tag list: @beskar-tano @buckysbeloved @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @browneyes-djarin @themidnightsun-12​

gunna be cheeky and tag some mutuals i think may be interested? @ithinkwehitametaphor​ @wille-zarr​ 

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Sounds of Someday - CH 2

Title: Sounds of Someday

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Destiel 

Rating: E (eventually)

Tags: canon typical violence, character death, kind of cuz you know, nothing really dies in Supernatural, smut, fluff, bit of angst

Summary: Sam was dead, Cas was lost forever, and Dean's entire world had been turned upside down in less than an instant. He was alone, again, a typical Winchester ending, but god damn if that was how he was going to leave it. He was going to get Sam back, he was going to get Cas back, and he was going to fix everything that had fallen apart, and now he was going to do it all with twin babies and the king of hell back on his side. Season sixteen… here we go.

MASTERLIST

AO3

*** My works are not to be posted on any sites without my permission! But comments and reblogs are love! <3 Please and thanks!!

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Chapter two

     Jody Mills tapped the wooden spoon in her hand on the side of the pot, splattering her famous spaghetti sauce all over the white of her stove top. The doorbell rang again, followed by a persistent knocking as she scowled into the pot of sauce, angrily dropping the spoon into the empty sauce can beside her. She swiped her half full wine glass off the counter as the knocking and ringing continued, and she stormed towards the door wondering who would have the gaul to be so arrogant on a Sunday afternoon. 

     "I'm coming, I'm coming, keep your pants on, yeesh!" She called out, grumbling to herself about the arrogance of some people as she finally made it to the door. She quickly swung it open, ready to give the person on the other side a huge piece of her mind, but instead she only managed a stunned, "Dean?!"

     "Jody," he breathed. 

     "Dean Winchester! Where the hell have you been?!" Though it wasn't exactly the warm welcome Dean had been hoping for, he was still happy to have this nonetheless. "I haven't heard from you in ages, and now you just randomly show up on my doorstep, unannounced, on a Sunday afternoon? And those…" She looked down to the two car seats, one in each of his hands and pointed to them, "Are… are those babies? You have babies?!"

     He just nodded and looked to her with his still red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. When she was finally able to take him fully in, getting past the initial shock of seeing him after so long with no word as to why, she realized there must be more to this then at first glance and quickly ushered him inside. "Let's get you all inside, I do believe I'm entitled to a very lengthy and detailed explanation of what the hell's going on here."

~~~~~~~~~~~

     "You were dead?" 

     Jody looked up at Dean from where she was sitting on the couch across from him, playing with the babies in the car seats where they sat on her coffee table. He just looked back at her with a solemn expression and nodded. 

     "Yeah, or at least I thought I was. Turns out I was just in some sort of Chuck induced fever dream for four years."

     "And Sam?"

     It wasn't missed on Jody the way Dean's entire being died with the question, the already dimming light completely fading from his eyes. She already had her answer. 

     "He's dead, he's back at Bobby’s right now," he confirmed with a nod, "and Cas is… he's gone too, the Empty took him."

     "When the hell did that happen?!"

     Dean just shook his head, thinking back. He wasn't sure if he should tell her, hell he wasn't even sure if he was ready to say it out loud himself. But he figured who better to bear it all to then Jody, a woman who had basically been his mom for years now. 

     So he nodded to himself, trying in a way to convince himself it was okay, then scrubbed a hand down his face as he looked up to her, "It, uh… it happened right after he allowed himself to be truly happy."

     She gave him a questioning look and asked, "And that was how?"

     "He…" He waited a beat, took a deep breath, then continued, "He told me he loved me."

     Jody's eyebrows shot nearly straight into her forehead, and her bottom lip shrugged out almost in that typical Winchester way. "Well, okay, yeah, that makes sense."

     "That… that makes sense?" He scrunched his face at her, "The hell is that supposed to mean?!"

     "Exactly what it sounds like," she chuckled lightly, "you two were always so oblivious. Everyone knew that you were both in deep for each other, the only two who didn't know it was you. At least one of you finally said something."

     "Yeah," he scrubbed his face again and sighed into his hands, "and as soon as he did, the Empty took him away. He never should have made that deal with the Empty. He let himself be happy, told me he loved me, and then to save me he let the Empty take him away from me for it. I didn't have a chance to say anything before he was gone. I just… I just stood there like an idiot."

     "But you're gunna save him right?" She asked, then turned a wide smile on one of the babies as they cooed at her. 

     "What?”

     “Oh don't you play me for a fool, Dean Winchester,” she eyed him from the side, “I know you, and I know that even if it takes everything you’ve got, you will find a way to bring back both your brother and Cas. You'll have your chance to talk to Cas about this, I'm sure of it.”

     “But that's just the thing Jody, I can't do that anymore,” he gestured to the two little ones in front of him, “I have these two now, kids, I can't go running around all reckless like I used to. I have to make sure I’m there for these two, I have to be a good dad.”

     “Seems you're off to a good start at least, thinking like that,” she smiled at him softly, “but I'm sure together we can find a way around this. We'll find a way to bring them back without having to go the familiar route of the typical Winchester sacrifice.”

     He just nodded, thankful but not really knowing exactly how to put in words just how much that all meant to him. 

     “And if you decided that you wanted to keep hunting after we got them both back, then we'll find a way around that too, I know it’s important to you.”

     She reached over and placed her hand on Dean's knee, giving it a little shake. He managed to give her the smallest hint of a smile, which she returned, then looked back to the two small bundles still cooing on her coffee table. 

     “I still can't believe that these two precious little munchkins are God and the Darkness. Two very horrible people we once tried to kill,” she looked up from the babies, “how… how do you feel about that, I mean, the last time I saw you, you were pissed at Chuck and now you're raising him.”

     “It's… an interesting development,” he stood from the chair across from Jody and moved to sit beside her, looking at both the babies. Chuck was still awake, wide eyed and looking at everything, and Amara was sound asleep in the car seat beside him. He smiled a little, lifting his hand to run his finger down Chuck's little cheek, “I know who they were, but they aren't that anymore, they're just babies now, human. No power, no memories, just little Chuck and Amara Winchester. A once God turned human and his now equally human twin sister.”

     “Wait, Winchester? I was wondering what you would be doing for last names.”

     “I don't really have much of a choice.” He reached into the side pocket of Chuck's seat, pulling out the envelope he had found earlier and handed it to Jody. 

     She gave him a curious look then turned to open it, dumping the contents into her lap. She rifled through, looking at every piece, eyes widening as she went deeper. 

     “Did Chuck do this?!”

     Dean nodded, “Just before he blew us back to reality.”

     “Birth certificates,” she lifted each piece as she said it, “he made both of them Winchesters, officially. Guess he thought of everything.”

     “Not everything,” Dean grumbled, “he zapped the three of us back here with no supplies for the babies, no formula, no diapers, no cribs, no place to live, and it's going to be hard to find a place by myself that's going to take an ex-hunter single dad with two kids and a dog.”

     “You're not going back to the Bunker?”

     “No,” he answered a bit too fast, then sighed, “no, not right now at least. I… I just can't right now after losing Sam and Cas.”

     She nodded, understanding how he felt. “Well you know, i've got some extra rooms in the house since the girls left. Claire’s never here aside from a quick visit to check in for the sake of my sanity between hunts, Patience is off to college so she'll be back in the summer but that's it, and Alex is still working at the hospital in town but she's now all moved in with her boyfriend. That gives you a room for yourself, a room for the twins, and then we still have a spare room for when the girls come to visit.”

     “Are you… you want me to move in here?”

     “Why not?” She shrugged.

     “Jody, I can't just move in with no notice like this, I don't wanna impose on you.”

     “Dean, honey, you are not imposing,” she placed a hand on his knee and gave it a light squeeze, “I am happy to help. So you, the babies, and your dog are all going to be living here starting now until further notice. And as for the rest, the supplies for the babies, I can also help you with that. I don't have anything left over from when my son was little, but it's nothing a quick trip to the store can't fix.”

     “Jody I can't, “ he shook his head, “I can't ask that much of you, and I've still got so much to deal with, and Sam… I’ve still got to bury Sam,” he whispered the last part, voice cracking, choking back a sob as he tried to hide it behind his hand.

     “Dean, please,” she leaned forward on the couch and looked into his eyes, “I want you here, and this isn't something you should have to go through alone. 

     “I… I don't know what to say.”

     “Don't say anything,” she smiled at him, “once we take care of Sam we’ll head to the store, grab what we need for the babies, then you can grab what you need from the Bunker and get settled in here.”

     He just nodded, staring at the floor unable to actually look at jody right now, “Thanks, Jody, this really means a lot.”

     “We’ll get through this, Dean, okay, one step at a time.” He just nodded again as Jody gave him one last squeeze then stood and said, “Let's get to the store so these babies have food, then we'll head over to Bobby’s… and take care of Sam.” 

     She left him to sit on the couch for a few minutes, to think over everything and have a little time to process, time she was sure he hadn't allowed himself to have yet, and started gathering her things to wait for him outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

     Dean pulled up to the all too familiar junk yard that was home for him once upon a time. Home for him and his little brother all those years ago when John was too busy hunting to be a father, too riled up in his revenge and anger to be a dad, too misguided and self centered to be a parent. But all for the better, Dean thought as he drove through the maze of piled up cars, because they found something better. 

     In those old worn down walls they found a man more worthy of being their father then John ever was. A man who actually cared for them not just as children, but even later in life when they showed up lost and alone on his doorstep. Even on his dying breath he loved them like the sons he considered them to be. In those old worn down walls they felt true love.

     He pulled the impala to a stop outside the burned down and broken remains of Bobby's old place. He remembered how he felt the day he drove in to find the place up in flames, after the Leviathans had destroyed it, killed Bobby, ruined their lives. Dean thought they had taken everything away from them. But he realized soon after, when they buried Bobby there, that as soon as he stepped foot on the soil outside that burnt up mess, it was still home. 

     There may not have been much of a house left, and Bobby was gone for good, but the feeling that Dean always felt when he was there never left. It was something the Leviathans or anything else could ever take away from him. The memories, the love, that feeling of home. And in the end, Dean couldn't think of a better place to bury his brother. Sammy would want to be home. 

     He got out of the car, breathing in the sweet Sioux Falls air he loved so much, and walked to the back doors to start getting the babies car seats out of the back as Jody drove up and parked beside him. He got both seats out of the impala and placed them on the ground, watching as Jody pulled the new double stroller they just bought out of the back of her van, and pushed it over to Dean. 

     He lifted Chuck first, holding his seat over the front of the stroller, testing and turning it a few times before he asked, "How…?"

     Jody just laughed and reached for the car seat, "Here, it goes facing you, and just clips in like this "

     At the simple little snap Dean eyed the stroller warily and reached out to give the car seat handle a little test jiggle, "Is this safe? It doesn't seem safe at all, I mean that was too easy!"

     "It's perfectly safe, Dean, you insisted we got the most top of the line everything for the babies, and according to the clerk at the store, and the seven articles you read on the way there, that's exactly what we got. And the articles said it was tested and proven the best stroller in America right?" She laughed as he just nodded sheepishly. "Don't worry so much, Dean, you're gunna be a fine daddy. Now you try clipping Amara into the bottom part of the stroller."

     It took him a few tries, but eventually he had both babies clipped in and he was pushing the stroller towards the back of the house. The pire he had already set up before going to Jody was still there, Sam wrapped in a white sheet in the center. He stopped for a moment, not really able to move or breathe as he just stared at Sam. This wasn't what he wanted, this was never what he wanted, he had what he wanted and it turned out to be a stupid fake reality. Everything was falling apart at the seams. 

     Jody lifted her hand and squeezed his shoulder, urging him forwards. He nodded and walked closer to Sam with Jody by his side, and after making sure the babies were at a very safe distance from the pire, he pulled his lighter out of his pocket. He shifted it from hand to hand for a moment, staring at the dirt, trying to find the right words to say.

     "Well, Sammy," he choked out, trying to hold back tears, "I'm sorry. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't help you. But mark my words, I will find a way to bring you back. I promise you."

     He waited another moment before he nodded to himself, then tossed the lighter and took a step back to stand with Jody. They watched as the pire lite up, standing side by side, and there was no stopping the tears now while he watched his brother burn. 

     "This isn't permanent, you know," she said from beside Dean, "it's only temporary. We will find a way to make this right again. We always have."

     He took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks. Jody shifted over and wrapped an arm around him, "When you're ready, we’ll head to the bunker and get what you need. Then we'll get back home, get the cribs set up in their room, and get you and the babies settled."

     "Yeah," he cleared his throat and turned to look at Jody, "let's get the babies home."

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

     Dean stood in the entryway to the Bunker, his legs unable to move. This was the last place they were all together. The last place that he, Cas, and Sam were all together. It was also the place where he lost Cas. Where he confessed his love to Dean, where he stood stock still and did nothing, said nothing as Cas was taken from his life again. It's where he spiralled after that, falling to his rage and anger, feeling the loss of Cas again though this time it weighed differently. He knew Cas loved him, had loved him all those years together when he'd been too afraid to say anything. Losing Cas always ripped his heart out, but knowing how Cas felt, that his hidden feelings for the angel were reciprocated, knowing that they had lost so many years when they could have been together, it made the pain infinitely worse. And he felt that pain renewed as he stood just before the threshold to the place that held his worst nightmares inside. And what was worse was that now he stood here alone. No brother… no Cas, just himself and the bad memories.

     "You ready?"

     He turned to Jody who was now standing beside him, holding both car seats. He jolted out of his flashing memories of losing Cas just beyond this door, took one of the seats from her, sighed and said, "As ready as I can be. Let's just get this over with."

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Dean wanted to spend as little time in the Bunker as possible. The bad memories as of late outweighed the good and all he wanted was to get in and get out. So after putting the sleeping babies in the lounge, he rattled off a list of things for Jody to find, and the two split up to cover more ground faster. And with the promise from Jody that if ever they needed something else from the Bunker, she would come get it so that Dean never had to come back after this. She could tell it was really hurting him to even be in here for this short of a time. 

     After about an hour the two met back up in the map room, shoving their findings into the few duffels Dean grabbed from his old room, when a pounding at the door had them both frozen and silent. Eyes wide, Dean looked to Jody for an answer who just shook her head, as lost as he was. 

     The pounding came again and this time Dean's heart felt a little jolt of hope and he perked up slightly. Afterall, it had happened before so why not now? "Cas?!"

     "Oi! Someone open up will ya!"

     He sighed, but why would he be so lucky. 

     He and Jody both exchanged unimpressed glances as Dean headed up the stairs to open the door, though just enough to stick his head out. 

     "What do you want, Crowley?! I am not in the mood!"

     "Easy, Squirrel, easy," he held both hands up, "not here to bother you, just came to find out why in the bloody hell the world suddenly jolted back to life after four years. Figured if anyone had anything to do with it, it would be one of you lot. Gunna let me in?"

     Dean just rolled his eyes and backed away to let him in. "You could have just snapped your way in like you usually do."

     "Didn't want to be rude now, Squirrel.". He strolled in, hands in his pockets and looked around. He eyed Jody at the bottom of the stairs and raised a brow. "Where’s Moose?"

     "Dead."

     "Ah," he nodded, seemingly unfazed, "and your devilishly handsome boyfriend?"

     Dean shook a little at the mention of Cas, but answered through gritted teeth, "He's in the Empty, for good this time."

     It didn't pass Crowley that he never even bothered to deny the boyfriend comment but he went on anyway as they headed down the stairs together. "You seem fairly untroubled by the fact that I am indeed alive. Last we saw each other I "killed myself"," he turned to use air quotes at Dean who rolled his eyes again, "back when we were fighting my old compadre in the Endverse world."

     "Yeah well, after the last four or so years that I've had, nothing really phases me anymore."

     "Assuming this has something to do with the world being frozen. Glad you're back by the way. The world was boring while Chucky had it frozen. No deals to be made, no fun to be had."

     "Where were you all that time, huh?" He turned Crowley back to look at him, "How did you not die, what did you do?"

     "Ah well, that. I had a contingency plan in place in case one of you clots should be my end."

     "Of course you did, what was this brilliant plan?"

     "Pulled myself a Voldemort." He smiled smugly at Dean who just furrowed his brows. 

     "You… what?!"

     "I put a small piece of myself in some sorry sap down in New Mexico before Lucifer pulled his second tantrum of the decade, and after I killed myself I was able to use that piece of myself to be resurrected. As for where I've been, it takes time to recover from such a trauma you know, so surf, sun, and sandals." 

     "I, you… did you just make a Harry Potter reference?" He was still stuck on the first part of the conversation. 

     And though Dean was confused, Crowley looked almost impressed, "Didn't take you for a Potterhead, Squirrel."

     "Of course I've watched Harry Potter," he scoffed, "Hermione kicks ass! She'll be a good role model for the kids when they watch it with me when they're older.” 

     "Kids..? Yours? You have kids," he turned, looking around the room for little rugrats tearing the place apart, then back to Dean, " Did I miss something?!"

     "You have no idea-" Crying came from the room behind them and Dean just closed his eyes and let out a full body sigh, "Damn it, I was hoping they'd stay asleep till we got home."

     He left for a moment then came back in the room bouncing a tiny baby in one arm, and carrying another car seat in his other hand. 

      When Dean walked up to Crowley he had to laugh a bit despite everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. He was sure he had never seen such a look of genuine confusion on his face as he darted his eyes back and forth between the babies. "Is that…?"

     Dean just nodded, "Chuck and Amara."

     Crowley walked over to Dean, still a little shook that he was looking at two creatures he used to fear once upon a time. When he was close enough he bent down slightly, looking into Chuck’s car seat, "Capitol G, look at you now," then up to Amara in his arms, "and the Darkness. And now you're their… father?"

     "Apparently," he placed Chuck’s seat down by his feet and took the outstretched bottle from Jody as she came back from the kitchen, "they didn't give me much choice. Just fixed reality, put me back on Earth, sent Sam to Heaven, and just poofed themselves into human babies with paperwork saying they’re Winchesters."

     "And how do we feel about that?" Crowley asked, "You're now father to the creature who made your life a living hell for years, who tried more than once to kill you, and attempted to destroy the Earth. Doesn't it bother you to now be caring for the little hellraiser?"

     Dean shrugged. Sure, he'd thought about all that, thought about how angry Chuck had made him, the things he did near the end, and Amara was no saint in her own way. But when Dean looked down at Amara in his arms, and Chuck still sleeping soundly in the car seat at his feet, he found himself smiling as he answered Crowley's question, "It doesn't bother me. It may have bothered me for a split second when everything was being thrown in my face all at once with Sam's death, my reality, the babies. But then I realized that even though this is Chuck and Amara, God and the Darkness, in a way it's not. They have no memories of what they did before they started their lives over as humans, they're just babies, humans now. And I'm going to make sure they're loved and cared for, always, as every baby should be."

     "My," Crowley raised a brow as he stared at Dean, a little mixed between impressed and speechless, "that's very noble of you. I myself don't think I’d be able to do the same."

     "You couldn't even raise your own son, Crowley. What was his name… Gavin? That kid was a mess because of you," Dean rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't expect you to suddenly grow a heart."

     "Glad we're on the same page then," he smirked, then walked a little closer to Dean, looking him up and down once. Dean eyed him cautiously, watching his movements, then he looked back at Dean after one last look over, "although, Dean Winchester with babies, very… dilf of you, Dean."

     Dean scoffed, "In your dreams, Crowley."

     He just smirked over at Dean, and said in a smooth, deep voice, just barely above a whisper, "Every night," with a wink.

     Dean gaped at him, mouth opening and closing a few times, but no words came out. 

     Crowley then knelt down, same devilish smirk on his face as before, and looked into Chuck's car seat. "Well, now little ones, how about Uncle Crowley helps Daddy get back your other Daddy and Uncle Moose?"

     "Okay, first of all, Uncle Crowley?" He just shrugged up at Dean as he continued, "And second, why do you wanna help all of a sudden? What's the catch?"

     "No catch, no tricks, no deals. I just want to help that's all." Dean didn't even say anything, just stared him down until he rolled his eyes and tossed his head back, "Alright, fine. I'll admit, you're not my favourite people on Earth, but it's painfully boring up here without the Winchesters around to stir up trouble. And I figure I scratch your back…"

     "Cut the crap, Crowley, what do you want?"

     "I'm not asking for much here, but when I… died," he drawled, "of course all of hell assumed my throne was up for grabs and gave it to my mother of all people, and when the time comes, you could help me get it back. Besides, I think you could benefit from having friends in low places, don't you?"

     Dean sighed and shook his head. He knew himself that Crowley had gotten them out of a jam more than once, and it was always helpful to have the King of Hell on their side in tough times. But he’d be the last person to ever admit that out loud. Especially in front of Crowley. 

     "If you can get Cas back, and Sam, I'll help you get whatever you want."

     "Jolly good show. So we've got a deal then?" He stuck his hand out to Dean waiting for him to take it, but Dean just glared at him, so he pulled it back and laughed, "Joking, of course."

     "Right," Dean huffed, then turned to sit in a chair while he continued feeding Amara, "where do we start?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So there’s chapter two of my fix it fic, let me know what you guys think! And if anyone wants to be tagged for future posts or destiel fics, let me know <3

Tags: @thebridgekid @frostingsfics @frostedej @clairewinchester14 @kitsunecastiel 

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Unlikely Parents: Part 2

Pairings: Negan x reader (Jane the Virgin AU), Hotel owner!Negan x Parolee!Reader

Warnings: Artificial insemination, Swearing, Angst

Word Count: 3,129

A/N: Yea, this took on a life of its own…. Not sorry.

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey… ummm, what are you doing?” Beth asked as she stopped beside you in the break room on her way into work a couple weeks after you had started. You glanced up at her and kept taping your only pair of nice shoes together with duct tape in a way that they would still look halfway presentable.

“Only option I have.”

“You don’t have other shoes?” She asked as she took off her sneakers and stuck them in her locker.

“Sneakers.” You sighed, annoyed with the questions on no sleep. “Can’t wear those here. Wore these outta prison…”

“Well that just won’t do.” She said as she grabbed an extra pair of shoes from her locker and set them down on the bench in front of you. “Wear those. That grey will clash with our uniforms.”

“They’re shoes, Beth.” You barked as you looked up at her while you ripped off the piece of tape and secured it to the top so you could tape the other side so they would at least match.

“And they are the only ones you have.” She said as she put her sweater in her locker and sat down in front of you. “Sweetie, we need to get you a slightly bigger wardrobe. I’ve seen you in all of two t-shirts on your days off when you come down for lunch. And now your shoes are falling apart. So let’s go to the thrift store tomorrow when I get off work. I know you’re off. So let’s go shopping…”

“There’s no point, Beth!” You snapped as you used your toes to push her shoes back toward her. “Just drop it!”

“No!” She retorted, angrily with a shake of her head. “We are going to the thrift store and we are getting you new shoes for work and just a couple new t-shirts because you need it. And I will not take no for an answer. Now put these shoes on and let’s go!” You cocked your eyebrow at her as she quickly jumped to her feet and slammed her locker closed.

“You know if you were anyone else, I’d kick your ass for thinking you could talk to me like that.”

“I know, I don’t know where that came from.” She giggled as she took the tape from your hand and put her shoes in it instead. “Come on, it’s getting to be lunch time. We’re gunna get slammed here soon.”

“Fuck, OK, OK. I’m fucking coming.” You grumbled as you took off your shoes and put hers on. You realized quickly that making that choice was a terrible idea, since her shoes seemed to be a half size too small. You refused to show the pain on your face and forced a smile instead, which managed to get you more tips at the end of the night than usual. When you finished cleaning up with Beth, you thanked her for her shoes, put your ripped ones back on, and headed up to Negan’s office to give him your tips for your future home fund.

“Sixty eight after pay out for the whole day.” You said to him as you walked past his assistant through the door she was holding open for you. 

“So Lucille tells me you need new work shoes.” He said without looking away from the email he was sending. “And that you only have two shirts?”

“I have shirts.” You huffed as you set the cash down on the desk and sat down in one of the two chairs. “I’m just fine.”

“You have an escort to the thrift store tomorrow?” He asked, already knowing the answer as he looked over the rims of his black rimmed glasses.

“Fuck, you’re gunna make me go, too.” You groaned as you leaned back in your chair and covered your ten week along, barely there bump.

“Lucille is going to accompany you.” He stated simply as he picked up your cash and held it out for you. “Use this for new work shoes and a couple outfits that you can wear now and after the pregnancy. Since we are covering pregnancy expenses, we will finance your maternity wardrobe.”

“You don’t have to…” You tried as he pushed his glasses back up his nose and turned back to his computer.

“Lucille will be waiting downstairs at 10 sharp. Let Beth know to be on time as well.”

“Fine.” You sighed as you picked your money back up and headed out of the office to go to bed. You passed out with your work dress still on after giving Beth a quick call for the time, and woke up with just enough time to jump through the shower, get sick twice, and head down stairs in a pair of leggings that had burn holes and worn spots all over, and a extra large t-shirt that had once belonged to your over weight father, that was at least something different to wear.

“My God.” Lucille gasped as she looked you up and down while Beth smile and waved at you.

“A different shirt.” Your… you hesitated to call her a friend but unfortunately, that’s what she was becoming, whether you liked it or not said as she gave you a hug you were now simply tolerating. “Miami Dolphins. My dad is a fan, too.”

“One of the only shirts in my house when I got out.” You admitted with a shrug.

“Well, let’s get you into a… nicer wardrobe.” Lucille said with a forced smile as she gestured you out toward a waiting town car.

“Oh!” Beth squeaked as she looked between you and your boss. “I didn’t realize…”

“It’s a long story.” You sighed as you slipped into the back seat and scooted across the leather. 

“We’ll head to the Motherhood Maternity store at the International Mall first please, Jason.” Lucille said as she got in beside Beth. Your friend’s head whipped over toward her and you rolled your eyes.

“My OB knocked me up.” You sighed as you propped your head up with your fist on the door. “With Negan’s sperm. So I guess I’m their surrogate for the next nine months.”

“Which we are eternally grateful for.” Lucille said, a little forcefully with an equally forced smile. “But being a felon, she needs an escort to leave the hotel with our property…”

“Well… it’s a baby.” Beth interrupted as she watched you roll and then close your eyes at your ‘warden’s’ choice of words. “But I don’t mind being her escort if she needs to leave. I mean, if that’s OK…”

“You will be her escort.” Lucille said with a small smile as she pulled out her cell phone. “We just can’t risk giving her the money she’ll need for maternity clothes.”

“It’s fine.” You muttered under your breath before Beth could say anything to your defense. “Comes with the territory.”

“Well, let’s just… let’s just get you some new work shoes and some new leggings.” She said with a slight waver in her tone as she pat your knee. “And maybe some more feminine shirts. Maybe we’ll even splurge and get hair cuts…”

“Oh, she won’t have the money for that.” Lucille said with a glance over at the pair of you. “She lives on a budget with us so she can keep herself out of prison, and away from drugs since she seems to attract handcuffs like a magnet.”

“Gotta love it.” You grumbled with a shake of your head as the car thankfully pulled into the mall parking lot in record time. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You thankfully didn’t see Lucille for an entire week after your mortifying run in, and only saw Negan for a few moments to drop off your tips for the bank account he was establishing for you, but you were unfortunately stuck with both of them for your first doctors appointment with your new OB for your 12 week check up. You choose to sit in the passenger seat and not in the back with them, and you nervously wrapped the fringe of an adorable over jacket you found at one of the three thrift stores you went to for only a quarter around your finger. You couldn’t help but notice the slightly awkward tension between the two people behind you, but you were absolutely not bringing it up to the same two people that saw you as simple gutter trash anyways.

You walked into the office, filled out the necessary paperwork, and sat down on the completely opposite side of the room from Negan and Lucille. The stupid waiting room magazines kept you entertained until the nurse called you back. The further you got through the process, however, the more you wanted to just die. When the tech finally got to the point where she was ready to start, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the monitor, because you would absolutely change your mind.

“Oh, my baby.” Lucille cooed over the thump of the baby’s heart, and a giant knot formed in your throat. “Negan, look at him.” Tears welled behind your closed lids as her words were drowned out by the quick beat that belonged to the little life growing inside you. A life that you never knew how badly you wanted until you heard it. You turned your head to the side away from the monitor and shook your head when the tech asked if you wanted to see your child, but the lovely Lucille stepped in instead.

“Oh, she’s just the surrogate.” She said with a wave of her hand in your direction as she continued to stare at the monitor while the photos were printed out for her. Your tears finally slipped free and you moved your arm up to cover your eyes as you let out a shaky breath to calm yourself.

“I’m gunna go get the doctor.” The tech said as Lucille took her photos from her and sat down in her chair. You wiped off your stomach and slightly awkwardly pushed yourself up… but you were actually surprised when Negan offered his hand to help. He didn’t say a word as he leaned forward and searched your eyes for a moment, but you quickly looked down at the flip flops you had gotten for a dollar, as the doctor knocked on the door.

“Hello, Ms. (Y/L/N)?” You nodded and looked up at her as she focused on you and not your bosses. “Hi, my name is Dr. Rhee, how are you?”

“I’m fine.” You said softly as you fixed your shirt and vest. “But you can talk to them, it’s their baby…”

“Actually, can I have a minute alone with the patient, please?” She asked as she looked over at the Solano’s with a smile.

“Oh! But I have questions…” Lucille tried, but Dr. Rhee shook her head.

“We can address those after I introduce myself to my patient.” You glanced over at Lucille, who looked positively pissed, but Negan nodded his head and gestured for his wife to leave. You met his eyes for a moment before he stepped out, and your tears started to fall as the door closed behind him.

“I’m sorry…”

“(Y/N)…” She said softly as she pulled her seat over and sat down in front of you with a smile. “My name is Maggie. I’m Beth’s older sister.” You sniffed and searched her eyes as she  nodded her head. “I’ve been seeing Mrs. Solano for years. She helped Bethie get a job when she turned 15. And my sister…” She huffed and smiled even bigger. “She thinks you are something special. She told me you look like someone that deserves a second chance. So, I want to ask you this. Let’s forget about your drug record, and your prison time. If you had a place to live, and a good paying job, and access to day care. If you had the best chance in life and you had the resources to do so, would you keep your baby?” You hesitated for barely a moment, before nodding your head. 

“Yes.”

“OK.” She said as her smile grew even more. “That’s what I thought just by looking at you when I walked in the door. So no matter what, we’ll make that happen. My family gives second chances to those who deserve it, and from what Beth tells me, you are worth it. Now, let’s start over. Do you want to see your baby? The tech said you didn’t look.” Tears welled in your eyes and you nodded your head.

“Please.”

“OK. Lie back. Let’s take a look at this baby.” With a nod of your head, you pulled your shirt back up and laid down as she pulled the machine back over to the table. Your tears fell faster in a much more positive way as she turned the screen toward you and found your child. “What are you hoping for?”

“A baby girl.” You choked as you reached out toward the screen.

“Well, I’m not a betting woman, but I’ve done this enough that I could probably give you a seventy five percent sure confirmation that you are going to be right.”

“I always liked the name Eden.”

“I think that’s a perfect name.” She said as she turned on the sound. Your smile grew impossibly more as you gently touched the screen and your little girl’s cheek.

“Hi sweet angel.” You whispered to her. “It’s mommy.”

“She looks perfect.” Maggie said with a smile as she printed out your own photos and pulled the wand back. “So, what questions do you have for me?”

“Oh my God… you have no idea…”

——

No matter how hard you tried not to eavesdrop, you could help but hear Negan and Lucille arguing in the suite next to yours. You couldn’t make out words so much as how they went back and forth, but you could tell he was pissed, and that she was crying. You tried not to let your imagination run wild with what they could be saying as you looked at the little plum you had fallen head over heels in love with that afternoon. You startled when the door to their room slammed shut, and jumped again when someone knocked on your door. 

“Can I come in?” Negan asked with a slight growl to his tone, and with a nod, you stepped back and let him into your spotless bedroom. “Wanna give you these...” He tried as he held out Lucille’s copies of the sonogram from earlier that day.

“It’s OK.” You breathed as you went over to the single seater chair and picked up your copy from the arm rest. “The doc did another ultrasound for me.”

“You wanna fucking keep it, don’t you?” He asked as he sat down on the couch by you, which made you subconsciously sit down as well. You nodded the slightest bit and looked down at your daughter as tears welled in your eyes.

“Please don’t take her from me.” You whispered on a breath as you curled your legs up on the chair to hide your child. “Please, I promise, I won’t take her away. I won’t even leave Dade county if you don’t want me to. And I know I can figure out how to get a nice place and get her into day care. I’ll work two jobs if I have to, I don’t mind. I just... I need her, Negan. Please...”

“OK, fucking calm down.” He sighed when you burst into hysterics. “Calm down, baby girl. I’m not gunna take her.” You let out a choked, desperate thank you, and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he got up from his spot. “Well fuck me, they said pregnant women were emotional but damn, girl.”

“I have e-every right!” You cried as he pulled you to your feet and then down onto his lap.

“Yea, you do.” He agreed as he rubbed your back to get you to calm down. “I’m... so fucking sorry she treated you like that.”

“‘S’OK.” You tried but he shook his head against your forehead, completely ignoring the cheap makeup and tears ruining the shoulder of his shirt. 

“No, that’s not OK. It is fucking never OK for someone to treat someone else like they don’t fucking matter. Fuck, that’s why I filed for divorce in the fucking first place.” Your tears almost instantly stopped and you sat up to look at him in shock as he loosened his hold on you and sat back in his chair. “Yea, she fucking convinced me to have a marriage saving baby. But thank fuck I got you instead.”

“Wait...” You sniffed as you searched his brown eyes. “Can we let the record show that I am not a baby, and the only reason I am crying like one is because I don’t want you to take my baby?”

“Recorded.” He agreed with a nod as he helped you to your feet so he could sit in his own chair. “I love my wife, don’t get me wrong. We were together seventeen long years... but she is a fucking heinous bitch to people. And yea, I can be a fucking dick, too... but I would never, ever refer to the mother of my husband’s child as ‘just the surrogate’. And I’m fucking sorry she said that.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, we’re at twelve weeks outta forty. We got a long fucking way to go, OK? So for now, let’s keep on the path we’re on. Keep working, and saving up money... but lets get to know each other so I’m not just the rich, dick head baby daddy and you’re not...”

“The drug dealing, prison bitch baby mama?”

“I was gunna say legal jail bait but we’ll go with that.” He chuckled as he got up from his chair. He reached down to pick up the sonograms he had brought and shook his head with a smile. “Can’t fucking believe it. You know they told me all my life that I’d never have a kid? And fucking look at us now.”

“We’re an anomaly, that’s for sure.” You agreed as you laced your fingers together on your bump. He nodded his head and glanced down at your hands for a moment before turning toward the door to leave.

“Don’t worry about Lucille, anymore. I’ll fucking deal with her through my lawyer.”

“Well if you ever need the company, I’m the next room over. Curfew’s at nine so I’m here from then on!” He stopped at the door with a smile and nodded his head as he put the photo of his child in his shirt pocket.

“I may take you up on that, baby girl.”

Part 3

[hypnotica-ships]

Where Do We Go From Here?

Crow's decision on whether or not he stays comes to an answer, and a nightmare that might become a warning, rears it's ugly head.

Phase 1: Part 5

Word Count: (About) 1,810

1//2//3//4//5//6//7//8//9

He manages to get a good trip on him, and on the way down delivers a final blow. Knocking Crow out, once again.

"...I did say...no promises..."

Greeted with the familiar sight of the infirmary ceiling, Crow, closing his eyes in pain, tries to shift off his cot, but only manages to roll on his side.

"You lost."

Opening his eyes once more, he's greeted by Holger sitting on one of the guest chairs reading a newspaper. He seems almost unscathed.

"Yeah...I had a feeling...considering I'm back here again."

"...You shouldn't take this defeat to heart though. You've shown me that you are capable of learning and improving. You even got a single hit in."

Holger places his newspaper down, giving Crow a good look at his face. There's a pretty gruesome bruise on the lower left of his jaw. Crow gives him a slight smirk in return.

"But...if this was out on the field for like, a mission, or something, then I'd most likely be dead right now. Right?"

"You may be far from ready to join in on mission work, but I have faith that you can get there. Even if it means extra training lessons...which I don't mind giving, that is, if you are willing."

"~Ooooh, personal lessons from Herr Holger himself, how fancy.~"

Holger places the newspaper back in front of his face.

"...Never mind, I take it back. Leave."

"Aw, come on, I'm just joking. I do...want to take some time to think about your offer though. I'm just...in a strange place right now."

"...That's...understandable. I do...hope you stay though, I...haven't had a challenge like you in a while. I rather enjoy this change of pace."

"~That's sweet, you like me, we're gunna be the best of friends.~"

"Tsch, go back to being asleep. You were much more tolerable that way..."

"Oh, in your dreams, you're stuck with me now."

Later in Guile's office, Crow sits and waits in silence for his Uncle to return from a meeting. He had time to think about his future. He's confident in his new decision.

"Crow. I wasn't expecting you. Can I help you with something?"

"...I'm staying..."

"Speak up, little bird."

"I said, I'm staying."

"R-really? What's with the change of heart all of a sudden? Holger didn't hit you on the head too hard did he?"

"No, I just....I have a lot to learn. Holger, he...managed to get through to me, and I respect him, sorta-kinda...I'm willing to give this place a shot. Well, as long as you keep me in Holger's unit."

"That can be arranged."

"Thanks Uncle Bill, I'll try my best to make you guys proud."

"One more thing before you go. The room I gave you was only temporary. Since you're staying, we're going to have have to give you a change of rooms."

"That's...fine, I guess. Where will I be lodging?"

"I'll let you and your new roommate know after lunch."

"...Roommate?"

Soon enough, lunch came and went, and Guile led Crow to his new home for the time being. It was a small room, with a decently sized window looking out onto the air field, and fitted with a bunk bed. Clearly, his new roommate already claimed the bottom bunk considering all their clothes were placed about it.

"It's...cozy I suppose. Hope the new roomie doesn't mind me tossing and turning at night."

"Oh, I doubt he'd mind...Speaking of, he should be here soon."

"You're familiar with them I assume?"

"Heh, so are you."

As Guile was teasing his nephew, the new roommate walked in.

"Crow. What are you doing in my room? I'm supposed to be meeting my new roommate. Get out."

"...Holger..."

"Have fun you two, don't kill each other, and stay warm!"

Crow and Holger both stood in shock looking at each other as Guile left the room.

"Unbelievable."

"Heh, I told you, you're stuck with me now. Didn't think we'd be this close though, in fact I think Uncle Bill is trying to punish us for something, but I don't think I'd get along too well with anybody else as much as you."

"Hmm, could be...worse, I suppose. Just don't touch my stuff."

"Same goes for you."

As Crow gets his things in place, he notices a picture on Holger's nightstand. It's of him and a someone close to his age, they seem close. Crow grabs it to get a better look.

"Crow, what did I just say?"

"What? It's just a picture you had out on display, I'll put it back. Who is this? You got a lover back home?"

"...That's my twin you heathen."

"Hey, whoa, watch it, I didn't know! They seems nice though. You two seem close."

"We are...we were separated at birth, and it was hard at first, but we pushed through. They...are a very strong person. I plan to spend more time with them when I'm done serving. I think you two would get along, you both are....like that."

"Like that? I think I get what you're trying to imply Mr. No-fun-allowed, I hope that after all of this, though, we can all meet for lunch somewhere or something. Just hang out, ya know? I think it'd be neat to meet your evil twin."

"Funny that you assume I'm not the evil one."

Smiling as he puts the picture back, Crow gets his stuff taken care of, and decides to take a rest.

"I think I'm gunna sit the rest of the day out, Holger. I hope you don't mind me missing our private lesson today."

"...It's alright, I'm somewhat beat myself, and one of my men needed help with some of his equipment. I'll be back after dinner."

With that Crow climbs onto his bunk and lies down, staring out the window as he drifts off into a much needed sleep. Taking in his new path in life, and hoping he chose the best course of action.

It's cold. It's dark. Crow seems to be alone, surrounded by a foggy mist, but he feels a distant presence. Looking off into the dark, he sees two shapes that vaguely resemble bodies. One lying on the ground, and one standing, but hunched over. Both are shrouded in darkness. They seem oddly familiar, if only he could move and reach out to get their attention.

Fortunately, he doesn't need to move, both of the figures were pushed closer by an unknown force. With the closer distance Crow could feel some type of energy radiating off of them. The one on the ground gave off a cold, weak, almost dead sorta feel, as if what was inhabiting the body has left. The other one felt heated as if anger and rage consumed it, it didn't seem like it was too familiar with it though, it was....uncomfortable in this state. It didn't seem...stable. This figure also felt as though it was staring at him, or was it through him, if he could only see them clearly.

With one last push, the figures were almost eye to with him now. Both still covered in darkness, but Crow could make out some of their features better. The figure on the ground was wearing a flack jacket, and had a similar form to Charlie, but he couldn't see his face since it was turned away on the side. It seemed to be lying in a pool of something as well. The standing figure was in a blue uniform, one that Crow was all too familiar with, he couldn't see the figures face though, it was covered in complete darkness, except for the eyes. The eyes were plastered wide open, an icy cold blue that Crow wouldn't forget. Holger.

Why were these figures here? Why were they so...grim? Crow with every ounce of his strength managed to move his arm to reach out to this 'Holger' clone. Right before he made contact, he was pulled away by a strong force that seemed to have a bright light behind it. The last thing he saw was the figures dissapearing into the dark as he was being blinded by this new force's brightness.

"Holger!"

Crow awakes in a cold sweat, the room is dark, it must be late. The only light is coming through a small break in the curtain, but it's enough to prove he's back on Earth. Back in his room. Back to normal.

"Crow, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

Holger was standing near the edge of Crow's bunk, seemingly half awake, but alert enough to see that something was wrong.

"I-ah...uhm, it's....it's nothing. I'm alright. Just a...just a nightmare."

"You look pale, are you sure? You're shaking as well...Crow..."

"I-I'm fine. I just, I get nightmares often, but....they...uhm...God this is going to make me sound crazy if I explain it to you..."

"Go on, I'm sure I've heard stranger. Plus, I doubt either one of us is going to get any more sleep tonight."

"Yeah...my bad. I...I get nightmares, yeah, but sometimes they can be, uh, prophetic. I'm just hoping...this one wasn't one of those..."

"Prophetic dreams? ...Interesting."

"See, I told you! I sound nuts! It was nothing, just forget it."

"What was it about? If you don't mind me asking. You did scream my name, after all..."

"I'm....not fully sure, it was kinda vague. You and Charlie, well, what I'm to believe was you two. You were both shrouded in darkness, and you were both....off. Charlie seemed...dead, and you were...not normal, you weren't welcoming to say the least. When I was about to make contact, I was pulled away by some...light? I think. Then it just...ended."

"...Not welcoming? ...Alright, if it was to be taken as prophetic, what would that mean? Charlie dies, and what? I become less nice? That hardly seems like much to worry about."

"Wow you don't much care for Charlie either do ya? No, I...I don't think I can fully explain what you were in my dream it wasn't just...that. I...ugh, I can't word it correctly, but it wasn't good, at all. As for the light, which you'd think would be a good sign, seemed like it did more harm then good. I felt defenseless for most of this experience as well, I just...I hope it wasn't a warning. It makes me feel sick thinking that these figures might become a reality..."

"...I...see, I suppose. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, we make sure we can face almost anything before we go out on a mission. I don't think a little bit of darkness will turn any of us into monsters."

"Don't underestimate the power of darkness. It can and will take souls without mercy if given the chance. One can fall too easily into it, but I get what you're saying. You're right, I probably shouldn't worry about this it...it was just a nightmare after all..."

"Well...since neither one of us will be able to fall back asleep, would you like to make up for that lesson you missed out on earlier?"

"Yeah, actually, it might help me get my mind off things."

Continued in Phase 1: Part 6

[looselucy]

Memory Lane

July 18th We had only been in the shop for a matter of minutes and my mind was already elsewhere, eyes lingering on the door leading to the room where I knew the Blood Sun remained. And though Louis, as ever, was on form and doing everything he needed to do to set us up for the day, he had some questions for me that couldn’t wait. “So, you gunna tell me why we’ve been closed for the past two days?” He questioned.

“Not been feeling up to it.” I grumbled. “You wanna talk about it? Because, like… I’ve already figured out that it’s probably to do with Harry. What with him showing up here again.” “Hm.” I disregarded what he was saying, opening the laptop to figure out our stock levels. “Alf.” He scowled. “What?” “Don’t you think you’ve spent too fucking long not talking about this… thing with him.” “I don’t like talking about it.” “That doesn’t mean it’s not good to talk about it.” Of course, I knew that to be true, for various different reasons. I’d encouraged and exampled that behaviour before, but my tongue always seemed to tie when it came to Harry. The fact he was back in Rosebury could have been enough all on its own, never mind what he’d said to me on Thursday morning. I felt it was predictable that I would cower and keep myself locked and tucked up for a few days as my way of coping or ignoring the situation and the things he’d said to me. I adored that Louis was trying to get me to talk about it, showing that tough love that so often helped me retreat from my shell. “He came around on Thursday morning. When I was talking to Lin.” “Shit. Oh shit. Well that’s ideal.” He sniggered sarcastically. “Yeah, it was fucking perfect. Not awkward at all.” My laugh was filled with fatigue. “What did he say?” “Nothing until Lin left. Then he kinda… apologised for everything. Explained himself. It was good.” “Oh. Alright? Well then, what’s-” “Then he told me he loved me.” Seeing his jaw hit the floor actually made me laugh. I still felt the same way, and saying it out loud didn’t make it any more believable. Harry had really told me he loved me. “Fuck off.” He was in disbelief. “Did he really?” “Yep.” “Fucking cheek of it!” He squealed. “After all that shit? He let you believe for over a year that it didn’t mean anything to him, and that he says that?” “Exactly!” I cried. “Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” It pained me to admit that Louis had been right, but it already felt so good to talk about it. I suppose it was just nice to hear that he felt the same way about it as I had, because I’d half been expecting him to tell me I should have been happy to hear that from Harry, and that maybe Louis would ask me what I’d done and if we were going to try and figure things out. I was thankful to hear his appalled tone. “That’s insane! How do you feel?” “I was just pissed off! All I could feel was this… anger and this frustration! And I said, I was like… you’re too late. It’s too late.” “How do you feel now? After a few days?” That question didn’t feel as easy to answer. Talking about it with him brought back that first sensation, that annoyance and that resentment I had experienced in the moments immediately following Harry telling me he loved me, but that wasn’t a true reflection of how I felt after giving myself a few days to process everything. I decided to be as honest as I could be without crying. “I feel… I just feel really sad.” I gasped. “Because I know we could have been… so, so amazing. To know that he did love me after all… It feels so wasted now. We loved each other… but this is what came of it? It could have been so much more. It could have been… it. But instead he left. And he… He was in a bad place, I get that… but it’s so gutting. To think what we might have been. It’s agonising.” That was the conclusion I had reached after thinking about it for the past couple of days, and even that didn’t make me feel any better. I was calmer than I had been, which I thought would be better, but it wasn’t. I was going to have to come to terms with the fact that I might never be okay with my feelings towards Harry. “That’s heavy, Alf.” Louis sighed after some time. “Are you okay?” “I think so. I dunno. It was like the second I felt I got some closure… he opened up all these feelings again and now I’m lost. It’s just frustrating. I don’t know what to do.” “I dunno if there is closure with you and Harry. Not right now, anyway. You can’t… look for closure when there’s still all these feelings there. If he’s only just told you he loves you… I don’t think closure is a possibility right now.” “So… Well, what do you think I should do?” “What do you wanna do?” “I dunno, Louis! I need help!” Louis was good with advice, always, but I was also eager to hear what someone on the outside of our situation thought. Both myself and Harry had been audaciously attuned to our emotions when we’d tried to talk the other night, after his confession especially. We’d been doing okay and then he said that he loved me and all semblance of a sensible conversation spiralled. I didn’t want to leave things with him that way, but I also didn’t want to keep trying to speak to him and putting myself through that agony and drudging things up if the outcome was always going to be the same, or some varied version. I always ended up feeling hurt. “Has he gone back to New York?” “No. I think he’s still here.” “Okay, well then maybe you should go and talk to him.” He shrugged. “I know it’s not ideal, him showing up and saying that after everything… but… The way you feel about it goes beyond being mad that he showed up. It’s something else, it means more. You guys had something really special, and I think you need to talk that out. I mean, if at one point you really thought that he was the person you were supposed to be with, like… that’s intense stuff, Alf! That’s not just gunna go away. Nothing ends with an I love you.” His words seemed poignant, if only for a moment. “Unless, y’know… someone dies.” I had to laugh, tutting and rolling my eyes, but as ever, he’d made some fair points. We couldn’t leave things on that note. I’d taken some time and I’d calmed down, but my own thoughts could only get me so far. Maybe Louis was right, maybe it wasn’t closure that we needed, but something else, something completely different to anything I had ever sought from our affiliation, and I couldn’t expect to figure that out on my own. I had to talk things through with him whilst I had the chance. “Go and see him.” Louis encouraged with a soft smile. “See how you feel with a fresh head.” I nodded, nerves beginning to welcome themselves to my body immediately, flowing into me and settling in my stomach for the foreseeable future. To know I was going to see him once again. To know I was going to be in his house again. The uncertainty of how things might turn out. That day felt grotesquely drawn out.

It had been such a long time since I’d walked down the tired trail to Harry’s home, yet I remembered it all perfectly; every stone, every towering tree, every overgrown blade of grass and every single emotion I had ever experienced whilst walking that pathway. The sun was low in the sky, so low that it splintered as it ruptured through the trees, fragmented fractures of light having to fight their way through broken branches, the greenery illuminous beneath the rays. I looked up and around me as I walked, the faint call of a bird singing somewhere close-by assisting me in my efforts to remain calm and keep walking forward. It truly was a beautiful area. I almost caved when his house came into sight. I very almost turned around, forgot the whole thing, but then I took a few seconds, gathered myself, cursed and fumed to myself, and then continued. I couldn’t believe he was there again, actually back in that house. I’d half expected the building to meet the same fate it had once already, that it would become desolate, a place future children in Rosebury would run to, convince themselves it was haunted, question who had once lived there, what had happened between those walls, our love becoming some sort of forgotten legend that only the surrounding woodland would know the truth of. But he was back. I built my courage as much as I possibly could as I made my way up the stairs onto the porch at the front of his house, but thankfully I didn’t feel as close to tears as I thought I might. I knew talking to him was the right thing to do, which was why I was feeling surprisingly good about it, however nervous. I took a few moments in front of the door before knocking, steadying and readying myself. The wait for him to answer the door was one of dread, biting at my lip as I heard a little scuffling coming from indoors, and then all too soon he had swung the door open, eyes and mouth already slightly wide. He must have known it was going to be me. It took him a few seconds to gather himself enough to vocally acknowledge my presence. “Hi.” “Hi.” I smiled shyly. “I uh… Sorry, for showing up like this. I just… I thought we should probably talk.” He looked back over his shoulder, as though he was expecting to see someone there, my brows furrowing as he turned back to look at me. “Now’s not the best time, Fee.” “Oh. Okay. Should I-” I took one step backwards. “Maybe we should just forget it. I probably made a mistake, coming here.” “No!” He reached to grab my hand for just a second through pure instinct, trying to keep me with him, but he quickly let go. “Please… I wanna talk, I do! It’s just… My mum’s here.” He whispered intensely. “What?” I gasped, taking two steps closer. “Julia’s here? Now?” “Yeah, she got here like twenty minutes ago.” He spoke quietly, treading closer so he was outside, dragging the door behind himself and almost closing it fully. “I’m fucking… I’m freaking out, I dunno what to do! I’ll be doing okay, but then when it gets to actually talking… It’s like I can’t! I really wanna talk to her and fix everything but I keep... I just keep choking up! It’s like every time I try I just…” I couldn’t even begin to imagine how overwhelming that must have been for him, to be talking to her again after all those years with no contact whatsoever. It was promising that she was there with him, back in the house she had lived for the first few years of her life before she went into care. The fact she was there was a huge positive that he must have been overlooking due to his fears. It must have been incredibly daunting for both of them. “Hey, it’s okay!” I reassured him. “You’ll be totally fine, I promise.” “I’m just… I’m scared. I really don’t wanna ruin this. Like... I’m scared I’ll say one wrong thing, and that’ll be it. She’ll think I’m the same… fucked up kid I was before and she won’t want anything to do with me. One slip up, and that’s it, I lose her for good.” “That’s not gunna happen, Harry.” I hated hearing him still doubting himself. “You’re… so different now. And she wouldn’t do that, I know it.” “I… I’ve kinda lost my nerve.” He looked down, breathed in. I wanted to question why he felt that way when only a few days earlier he was telling me how much better he’d been doing, how much better he was at handling things and looking at things differently since he’d started having therapy. And then it hit me why he was thinking and feeling that way, beyond the obvious. After what had happened between us the other day, he had started to doubt himself. He’d said the wrong thing and the wrong time, and I’d wanted him to leave. I told him that I thought he would only hurt me again, petrified that he’d put me through the same hell he already had, convinced he hadn’t changed. That was exactly what he was worried would happen with his mother. Only days earlier, he had taken a huge step in his attempts to fix his relationship with one of the women in his life and it hadn’t worked, and now he was trying to fix things with the most important woman in his life and he was scared he’d get the same reaction. It was a miracle that he was going ahead with it at all. I felt nauseous. He lifted his head after a while, mumbling nervously. “Will you… Will you stay?” He asked me, and my face dropped. “I know we’re not… on great terms right now, but… I think you’d really calm me down, and it’d be nice to have someone here who kinda… knows what’s happened, and you’ve spoke to her before, and I think-” “Okay!” I stopped him, worried he may have never stopped rambling if I didn’t. “Yes, I… I’ll stay.” “You will?” “Yeah, of course! If-if you think it’ll help.” Though he’d asked, I could tell from the look on his face that he hadn’t expected the response he’d received. He was baffled, even looking like he was expecting me to change my mind at any second, but that wasn’t going to happen. “Fee…” His voice was quiet, almost like he was exhausted. “I… I dunno what to say. You’re just… You’re so…” “C’mon.” I smiled when he couldn’t speak. “Let’s go fix things, yeah?” Our conversation would have to wait, because as big as it was, there was something bigger at hand that needed handling immediately. He welcomed me back into his home, offering to take my coat the second the door was closed, as polite as ever. It felt rather unsettling, being back there. Nothing had changed because no one had been there to change it, and all I could think was how the last time I’d gotten further inside than his hallway was when we were together, before we fell apart, before he left. I was reminded of us, from the sights and smells and the feeling that consumed me just being in there. I loved his house. Somehow it had always felt like it was our space. We wandered through into the living room, where Julia stood waiting. “Look,” Harry smiled shyly to her. “Someone’s here to see you.” “Oh, Alfie!” She spoke gently but with such joy I could tell she was incredibly happy that I was there, opening her arms and taking me into a friendly hug. “It’s so lovely to see you again.” “You too. I’m so glad you’re here.” I told her, squeezing her rather tightly to wrap up our embrace. “I’m so glad you came back.” “Well, thank you for passing my number along.” She nodded as we pulled away from each other. “I’m so grateful for it. It’s good to be here. Good to be with my son.” I looked to my side to gage Harry and noticed he was still completely at a loss, not able to find the right words. He was really struggling. It was upsetting to see. I stepped up as much as I could. “Uh… How does it feel being back in this house?” “Surreal.” She chuckled through an exhale. “Emotional.” “Yeah, I bet.” “Harry showed me around before you got here. It’s beautiful.” I realised then that they might not have even really attempted to talk about the past in the short time they had been together, and that was because they hadn’t eased. It seemed to me that all they were missing was some very minor steps, things they could do that would help make a difference, put them at ease. I could see she didn’t have a drink, she wasn’t sat down, she wasn’t getting comfortable; even down to little things like them both having their shoes on, Julia in some small heels and Harry wearing his pink converse. They were tiny steps to take, and I knew it would allow them to open up to one another in the way they needed and wanted to. “Julia, I… I keep a pair of slippers here, they’re just upstairs.” I explained. “Do you want to borrow them? Get out of those heels?” “That’d be lovely, thank you.” “I’ll go get them.” Harry offered, likely in a desperate effort to give himself a few moments out of both of our company and gather, but it seemed polite and lovely too. “I’ll go put the kettle on.” I offered, ticking my head towards the kitchen and encouraging Julia to follow me. I understood why Harry had asked me to stay, hoping I’d be the bridge between the two of them, and I was going to do everything I could to make their reaffiliation a little easier, because this was bound to be an incredibly emotional time for both of them. They had a lot to say, so many years lost. I just wanted to help. Stepping into his kitchen felt similar to how it had the very first time I’d been set foot in that room; the curtains were drawn, there were boxes with things that seemed like they needed unpacking, a dirty mug sat by the kitchen sink. But he’d painted over the TOLBINY that had once been carelessly painted onto his wall. I noticed that instantly. The kettle was full and boiling before I spoke again, staying rather quiet. “Are you okay?” I asked her. “Nervous.” “Don’t be. I know he really wants to talk things through and be on better terms, just like you do.” “He’s been really quiet. He showed me around a little, showed me some art of his, but he’s not been much good at talking.” “He’s just scared. He probably needs a bit of liquid courage. I bet he’s stocked up, actually.” I said as I walked over to open the fridge and seeing that there was nothing in there other than a few green bottles of beer. I shook my head, smiled, and grabbed him one. He wasn’t a heavy drinker, I’d only seen him drunk a handful of times, but I’d always known him to love his rare beers, the special and the local beers. He enjoyed a drink, and I knew full well just a few sips would help to settle his nerves somewhat. Myself and Julia chatted a little more and the drinks were fully prepared by the time Harry came downstairs, slippers in hand. She thanked him as he passed them to her, sitting herself at his breakfast bar to take off her shoes and put the slippers on, but then she remained seated. They were settling. It was time. Once Harry had thanked me for fetching his bottle and taken a quick swig, he put it back on the counter, standing between me and his mum. “So… I guess it’s time to talk.” She said. Julia was so gentle, so soft spoken and delicate. She was the least intimidating person imaginable, and I knew that was a huge help when it came to Harry and the way he began just blurting out his thoughts as soon as she’d said that. “Uh… Okay. First… I want to thank you for coming. I probably don’t deserve it, but I appreciate it so, so much.” He began awkwardly, his body facing her but his eyes on the floor. “And… I… M’just gunna say it. I bought the house for you, because I want you to live here and I wanna apologise for everything because I know I fucked up and I guess this is my way of… trying to make up for it. But you don’t need to forgive me, if you don’t want to, but the house is yours either way and… I’m just so fucking sorry, about everything. I might not deserve your forgiveness but I promise I’m always trying to be better and I’m not like Jack and I’m trying and I just wanna make up for everything I did wrong.” I didn’t breathe the whole time he was speaking, and I was pretty sure he didn’t either. Harry wasn’t much good when it came to planning out what he wanted to say, instead he went off feeling, which may have made it messy, but it was genuine at least. His mother’s smile was filled with sadness, getting straight to the point to spare him any more pain. “Harry, I forgave you years ago.” She said, his head lifting with her words. “I didn’t distance because I thought any less of you. I never thought you’d… lost yourself, the way Jack did. I know you only meant to protect me. You’ve always had a heart of gold, Harry. Even when you were a bloody toddler, you were the sweetest thing. I just needed some time, that’s all.” It was so good to know and see the conversation happening, the way Harry was getting the answers he had been looking for ever since he left when he was just 18 years old. I felt the same relief for Julia, who looked as though she had been waiting to explain all of this to him for years, desperate for him to know, she just hadn’t been able to reach him! Harry had asked that I stay, he’d asked for my support, yet I still felt as though I was intruding, like I shouldn’t have been there listening to them discuss all of this. I took a step further away, not so much so that there was an odd distance, but enough that it was their conversation and I wasn’t lingering on the side-lines of it. “I had seen your dad’s depression just tearing him down year by year. We’d been together for twenty years when he…” She couldn’t say it, moving on. “I saw it take his life and then try to destroy ours. After that fight you and Jack got into… all I knew was that I needed to focus on myself and my own happiness, my own wellbeing. I know what being that sad can do to someone, and all their loved ones. I had to think of myself before things got too bad.” “I don’t want you to feel like you have to explain yourself for that, mum.” Harry called. “You could’ve… done that years earlier, and I wouldn’t have you blamed you. Things were… fucking awful. It was awful for so long. You were right to leave, I know that.” “I tried to reach you.” She told him. “I tried so many times, Harry. But it got so difficult, especially when you started making a name for yourself.” “I tried a few times, too. But it was like every time I got close… I convinced myself that you’d reject me anyway, so I’d cower. And… y’know, I wanted to make a change in myself. Because I know I can get angry and I guess… I wanted to try and learn how to handle it. I don’t know if I have, but-” “Harry teaches self-defence.” I found myself butting in, because I knew he wouldn’t have even thought about how brilliant it was that he gave those lessons, what that would have meant to her. “He’s amazing. He’s taught in loads of places, and I know I can only speak from my own experience but… he managed to make me feel comfortable and safe after a really difficult time. It could have completely torn me down, but he lifted me up. I… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank him for it. He was incredible to me.” I could feel his eyes burning at my cheek as I spoke, dazed. It was sometimes difficult to overlook just how much he had done for me during his first few months in Rosebury in terms of making me feel safe. I knew I would have been in a completely different position mentally without him and the classes he had given me. He made me feel strong after experiences that I could have left me weak. “I… I didn’t know you did that.” She stuttered, looking doe-eyed at her son. Though his classes had gone well beyond that now, I knew that the main reason he had initially started teaching women like he did was largely to do with everything that had happened with his mother. It was his way of trying to make amends for his transgressions, trying to right his wrongs. I recalled the first time I’d spoken to him about his classes, how passionate he seemed, how much he cared about what he did, how much he understood the need for classes like his. It may have all started as a generous way of self-healing, but it wasn’t long until his classes became entirely selfless. He didn’t know what to say, shrugging and looking back down to the floor. “You’ve always had this deep need to care for people.” She was rather pensive, musing through her memories. “Even when you’d just started walking, and you’d hold my hand… it was like you were doing it for me rather than for yourself. Like you were holding my hand to take care of me. And when your dad used to have really bad days, you could always sense it. You’d go out of your way to put a smile on his face, before you were even old enough to understand any of it. I remember the two of you listening to Up the Junction and dancing together, that always put the biggest smile on his face. You…” She took a few seconds as she started to cry, trying to keep the strength so that she could talk. “You gave him so much fight, Harry.” He let out the most distressed sob the second she’d said that, one that was unbearable to hear. They’d never had the opportunity to speak. They’d never had this moment of calm where they could discuss things so openly. When Billy was alive, it was their focus to keep him well as much as they could, and then when he’d died, they were all in so much pain and filled with so much frustration, they’d never had the opportunity to come to terms with their devastating loss. Julia had eventually gone off to do that on her own, to focus on herself, but Harry had never quite allowed himself the same luxury. This was probably the first time he and his mother had actually been able to speak about it. Therapy might have helped him, but it would never be able to grant him the sort of freedom this conversation could. “I don’t think I’d have got through any of it without you.” She got up off her chair and scurried around to him when he continued to weep. “C’mere.” They hooked their arms around each other, and as they embraced all I could see was a mother and her little boy. All I could see was a doting mum caring her son in the only way she could. For Harry to finally learn that he had actually been a substantial encouragement when it came to his mother and how she felt when she looked back on her life. He wasn’t this negative like he had thought himself to be. “I’m so sorry.” He sobbed on her shoulder, standing so much taller than her but seeming so much smaller. “I’m sorry too, Harry. I’m sorry we lost each other. I don’t ever want to lose you again.” “I thought you hated me. I’ve been so scared to speak to you.” “I could never hate you. You’re my boy.” It was magical to witness them that way, throwing all the difficult times aside so that they could focus on the love they had for each other and nothing else. It was surprising, how simple it seemed. So many wasted years for them to simply to say to one another that they weren’t angry, they weren’t hesitant – they were just sorry. They had lost so much time and they didn’t deserve to lose a second longer. She must have been so thankful to see the difference between Jack and Harry. It hadn’t been too long since Jack was in her life, and from what she’d told me he had merely talked the talk. He had charmed her and fooled her into thinking he’d changed, only to steal from her. Harry was the opposite; there was no showmanship when it came to her youngest, no grand promises, no pretences, nothing disingenuous. Instead, Harry had proven himself over years of efforts; he had grown and bettered himself in every way he was strong enough to do so. Of course I had fallen in love with a boy like that. No matter his faults, there was so much of him to love. I was on the verge of tears. I felt as though I had played my part, like my role was done. All they had needed was a little push in the right direction, and I’d managed to help them with that. I thought it was my time to go. “M’gunna go.” I began edging towards the door. “I don’t want to get in the way-” “Oh, Alfie, please stay!” Julia begged, breaking the hug and wiping her tears away. “This is your time with Harry, I don’t-” “Alf, please stay. Please.” Harry stepped towards me, gently took hold of my wrist. “I’d really, really love it if you could stay. I could cook for us, I could… Fuck, I… I want you here, please. If-if you can.” His thumb moved in comforting circles over my skin, pleading me with his eyes and his tender touch. I wondered if he wanted to talk to me at some point, too. The other day when he’d told me he loved me, he rang his mum the very same day, dealing with things all at once. Maybe he wanted the same thing that day too, to get it all out of the way. Then again, maybe he just wanted me to stay. I sighed, stuck between this feeling of reluctance and this strange desire to be around both of them, even if I did feel somewhat misplaced. They still had this gorgeous warmth to them, and I wanted to consume that heat for as long as I was able. “Uh… Yeah, okay, I’ll stay.” I said, seeing his grin grow with each word. “But… we really need to talk at some point. Please.” “I know. We will, I promise.” What was already a complicated situation was made incredibly complicated by the fact I had gone to him the very moment he was spending time with his mother, but it had taken so much courage to seek him that I didn’t want to leave and try again at another point. It might have never come around, even if I promised myself I would. And frankly, she was keeping us calm. I had no idea where the conversation might have already gone had she not been there. Harry mumbled a quiet thank you to me before turning around and seeing the look on his mother’s face, the one that I had just noticed, her dastardly eyes darting between the two of us. “What?” He questioned fretfully. “I’m just trying to figure out what you two mean to each other.” She smirked. I was trying to figure out the same thing, as clueless as she was, if not more. I didn’t know what we were then, what we had been, or what we might be in the future. And then Harry said something. Something that shocked me almost as much as his declaration of love had only days earlier. He took a deep breath in before he said it. “She’s the girl in the paintings I showed you.” I scowled as I looked up to him, but he purposefully avoided my gaze, looking directly at his mother, who nodded, seeming to suddenly understand everything completely. “I thought so.” She cooed. “What? Did- What? What paintings?” I blurted, but he didn’t answer me. “Harry? Do you mean me? What paintings?” “She doesn’t know? Have you not shown her?” Julia asked him, the two of them practically ignoring me; not necessarily in a rude way, but they were definitely blocking me out. Harry shook his head, still refusing to look at me. He had painted me. I wasn’t too sure he’d actually wanted me to find out that way. Maybe he hadn’t really wanted me to find out at all. I really didn’t know. All I did know was that he’d painted me and he’d shown those paintings to his mother and I was freaking the fuck out. “Harry?” I tried again, my throat literally stinging as I fought tears. “We… We’ll talk.” He finally turned his head to look at me. “You should show her them, Harry. Whilst she’s here.” “They’re here?” I cried. “Ye-yeah. But probably not for too long. M’gunna be moving again soon. If…” He trailed off, looking back towards his mother. “If you do want the house.” My head was spinning. I’d expected the paintings to be elsewhere, that maybe he’d shown her pictures on his phone, talked her through his new work as a way of avoiding talking about their past. That house was just a temporary space for him whilst he was figuring some things out, leading me to believe he wouldn’t really be keeping anything there, and now he’d actually plucked up the courage to ask his mum to move in there, which was the whole reason he’d bought that beautiful house in the first place. I could barely comprehend that there were paintings of me in that very building, but at the same time I wanted to shun all of that momentarily so that I could concentrate on Julia’s reply to his offer. She took her time, unsure how to answer him. “Oh, Harry.” She sighed, and I instantly knew he wasn’t going to get the answer he had hoped for. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you offering to do that for me. It’s so wonderful, and I can’t believe you’d even think of that. But… I don’t think living here is going to make me happy. It might have at one point, but that was a long time ago and a lot has changed. I’m extremely settled and happy where I am at the minute, and I want the same thing for you!” Harry looked utterly lost. This had been his plan for years. This has been his road to peace and acceptance, and she’d just said no! And as reasonable as that was and however lovely she had been about it, I could see from the blinded look of horror on Harry’s face that it had left him at a total loss. She continued to explain herself, hoping to put him at ease. “You did such an incredible thing for me by buying this house, but… it’s no way of moving forward. It’s like you’re clinging onto a past that’s not even yours, Harry. You’re so focused on fixing things with me that you’ve not given yourself the time to focus on yourself and what you want. Where you want to be. We both deserve to move on and be happy, and moving to a place me and your dad used to dream about moving to is no way for me to do that.” I suppose I’d never thought of it that way. When he’d told me why he’d bought that house, I thought it was the most quixotic and spectacular thing he could have done for her. I never imagined her to say no, and I never imaged that she would have such valid reasons behind her rejection. She looked sad to tell him and he looked sad to hear it, but at least she had been honest about it. It couldn’t have been easy for her to say that given how grand the gesture, but it was the right thing to do. All I could hope was that it didn’t crush Harry too much. He had spent years zoning in on this fantasy of his mother being back in that house; it had been the culmination of the need he had in his very core to fix what he thought he had broken. I think he’d convinced himself that it would be the answer to everything, that his happiness would be hard to find and sustain without it. But it wasn’t to be. And he seemed a little devastated.

I peered around the doorway from the living room and watched the two of them saying goodbye to each other. They were hugging, squeezing each other as tightly as they could. I could just about hear a faint whispering coming from Julia, but I couldn’t decipher what it was she was saying, which was probably a good thing; it wasn’t for my ears to hear, and the sight probably wasn’t for my eyes to see, but it was hard to look elsewhere. They were so incredibly tender and caring with one another, so happy they had finally rekindled, relieved and tearful. I wouldn’t have ever been able to describe how happy I was for both of them. After a long, emotional farewell, Julia eventually left the house where she had spent the first few years of her life, leaving her youngest son stood by the front door with his head down, attempting to come to terms with everything that had changed over the hours in which she had been there with him. I stepped out into the hall. “You okay?” He turned around to look at me, my voice somehow coming as a surprise to him, likely still rather dazed by everything that had just happened. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, m’fine.” He mumbled. “You sure?” “Mm.” As unconvincing as he was, I knew that he was overwhelmed more than anything. Overall, the experience had been a good one for him. It may not have panned out exactly as he had imagined, but it was still a significant improvement on how things had been. After she’d told him she didn’t want to move into the house, things had eased. Harry had cooked for us, we’d all spoken freely, casually, happily. What had started as a rather grave situation was gradually altered into a fun, enjoyable one. It had been a positive experience for him, I knew that, but it must have been difficult to come to terms with that so soon. He looked as tired as I felt. “I’m proud of you, Harry. You did really well.” “Thank you for staying. I… I dunno why, but you’re… very calming to me.” He gulped. “You made that easier. You didn’t have to stay but you did and… Thank you. It means a lot to me.” Even though it had been a strange evening, I was glad I’d stayed too, not solely for his benefit. I could see an improvement in him, a change. He was no longer the boy who couldn’t and wouldn’t speak about his feelings, or speak about anything, really. When he’d first moved to Rosebury, he was an expert when it came to seeming like he was totally open and friendly and welcoming whilst simultaneously not divulging any real personal insights whatsoever. It was impressive. But he didn’t seem to be that way anymore. He wanted to talk. He was comfortable talking. He was bettering himself through these tiny actions and alterations as opposed to these large, wistful ideas that ended up holding him back and making him miserable. I enjoyed being around him that night. More than I cared to admit. “It’s fine.” I sighed and smiled. “Um… Look, I know we said we’d talk, but times just flown tonight and it’s late and I’m exhausted and-” “Fee-” “I need to sleep. I’ll come back, I promise. I really do wanna talk with you, Harry, but I can’t do that when I’m this tired.” I chuckled. “But… I mean, obviously there’s still stuff we need to talk about, so I promise I’ll come back.” “Or you could stay!” He blurted. “What?” “You could- You should stay.” “I… I don’t think so. I mean, it’s only a five-minute walk-” “I’ve missed having you here.” “You’ve not been here yourself.” I cried. “Well then I’ve missed having you near.” He corrected himself. “I miss having you around me and… Please. Please just stay. We can talk first thing and… Fuck, fine, I know it might not make sense for you to stay but I want you to stay. I want you here. Please.” He was bizarrely endearing. I couldn’t help but smile. There was a wonderful tenderness to him then, alongside his obvious nerves and his sweet desperation. There was no need for me to stay. It didn’t make any sense, but there was something telling me to accept his offer. I took my time to reply, made him sweat. “I’m staying in the spare room.” I said. He grinned, the most genuine smile gracing his face, a tension being released from his body just knowing I’d be spending the night close to him. “Yes, boss.” He smirked. I could literally feel the blood draining from every other part of my body and rushing right to my cheeks, dropping my head so he couldn’t see the bright pink that flushed my skin, but if anything I think I made it all the more obvious. “Okay… m’gunna go up.” I said without looking up at him, turning around and heading up the stairs straight away in a plea to escape the situation. “You want a drink or anything?” “Nope.” I bleated as I scuttled quickly upwards. I heard him following close behind, my heart beginning to beat out of my chest. It had been so long since we’d walked up those stairs together, and my instinct was to walk right down to the end of the corridor into his room. I wondered how empty it might be in there, whether he’d left his plants to die or if they were no longer there, leaving a room with a bed and nothing else. I didn’t give myself the opportunity to find out. I stopped myself, veering off to my left and into the spare room, just about to turn around and slam the door shut, but he was right there, looking at me with something hidden in his eyes, a longing, a lust. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, looking back up to him. He could still make me nervous, more than anyone else ever had. No one had ever had that effect on me; it was specific to him. He gave me the certain sensation, like he had the first time I’d been in his house with him, and it felt like he could just grab me and kiss me at any second, like he had then. “Goodnight, Fee-Fee.” He whispered. “Goodnight.” I whispered back to him. We kept our eyes on each other until the very last second, until the door was closed and we were blocked off from one another completely. As tired as I had been, I didn’t get to sleep for another hour or so after clambering into bed. Just the thought that he was tucked up in the room next to mine made it so difficult to drift, the thought that there were paintings of me in that house. I ignored every temptation that told me to leave that room and get into bed with him.

[shewhowantsmouseears]

Shattered, Chapter 6

Notes: As always, huge thanks to my awesome editors Drucilla and Blueshifted.

This was my first time writing O'Hara, and am I not obligated to give him the most exaggerated accent possible?

Also, while it's frustrating that over the years Daisy's personality has been rewritten so many different times, it's also fantastic because I can make her a complete nutter without anyone batting an eyelash.

Summary: Minnie and Ratface arrive at the Golden Kingdom, where everything glitters for a price.

At times, Minnie would regret not grabbing at least a pair of shoes from Mother's house – or whatever her real name was – but the thought of going back to that prison kept her eyes forward. The chill in her chest stayed, and as Minnie and Ratface journeyed on, she could feel it grow stronger. Minnie didn't sleep often, wanting to cover as much ground as she could, but when she did, Ratface snuggled in close – not because he wanted to, he claimed. “If some big predator comes along, they'll surely eat you first. I'm just setting up an alarm system. Don't expect me to stay around at the first sign of trouble.”

But his barbs and criticisms came less and less as they left that mystical garden. Sometimes he'd ask about her home, and sometimes they traveled in silence. Minnie would often glance in his direction, wanting to ask one of many questions on her mind about what he knew, but when she met his eyes she lost the will. Perhaps he was waiting for her to ask... but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Whatever he knew about “Mother” and the Snow Queen couldn't be pleasant, and she felt she hadn't earned the right to open up old wounds. Maybe she never would.

It was early afternoon in their travels along endless green grass when they spotted something new off in the distance between two great hills. From far away, there was a glittering color that was very beautiful, and Minnie picked up the pace to see it closer. Between the hills were gigantic golden walls, and half a dozen plain-clothed soldiers standing guard. Unlike the frozen soldiers of the Snow Queen, these men and women were full of life, jabbering to one another, playfully shoving, one of them opting to take a nap standing up. The majority of them stood in front of a gigantic golden door, which contained a smaller door, which contained an even smaller door, on and on until there was a door about Minnie's height. Minnie couldn't tell if this was a way to confuse outsiders or a very odd choice in aesthetic.

“And here comes a problem,” Ratface said. “If we want to get to the Snow Queen, we must keep moving forward... but traversing those hills would take many days. The fastest way would be through the Golden Kingdom straight ahead. I've never been there myself, but I hear the princess is more off-kilter than a three-legged flamingo.”

Minnie couldn't make heads or tails of that insult so she ignored it. “I've never been to another place with lots of people in it before.” It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. “I hope it'll be all right.”

“Word of advice, pretty girl.” Ratface leaned in, still perched on her shoulder. “If they see you talking to me, they'll think you're crazy. Birds aren't supposed to talk the way I do, so you'll hear no more from me as long as we're in there.”

She fancied a chance. “You could tell me why you talk, and I could tell them.” He merely looked away, apparently deciding now would be the start of his silence. “I'm beginning to think you're more stubborn than Mickey.” Which was really saying something! She walked on to the large doors, and it wasn't long before the guards could see her. She stopped in place. “Excuse me-”

“Who goes there!” One of the taller guardsmen shouted, leaping forward, his bayonet at the ready. He then paused, adjusted his hat, adjusted his collar, and then resumed pointing his weapon at her. “Does that look better?”

“I didn't think it looked too bad before,” Minnie said, blinking at the weapon, curious as to why she posed any threat.

“Oh, why thank you-”

“Oh, for gosh sakes, Horace!” One of the guards-women snapped, shoving Horace with one arm, her hair bouncing off her back as she moved. “You don't thank the enemy! That's how they'll get you!”

“Don't you tell me what to do, Clarabelle!” Horace stood up straight, his finger jabbing her chest. “If I'm gunna die today, then I'm gunna die as a gentleman, I tell you what!”

Minnie didn't have to see Ratface to know how hard he was rolling his eyes. “I'm sorry, I think there's been some sort of... misunderstanding? I'm not here to hurt anyone.”

“Oooh, I just bet!” Clarabelle whipped around so fast that her long hair smacked Horace in the face. “Let me tell you something, missy! I've been guardin' the Golden Kingdom from the Snow Queen's soldiers for years, and I ain't about to be fooled by no trick! Sure, you may not look like them, sound like them, or act like them, but that doesn't mean you ain't one of them!”

Horace paused, then scratched his head. “Uh, actually, Clarabelle... kinda sounds like that means she really ain't one of them! All the years we been here, the Snow Queen's soldiers never changed their tactics.”

It suddenly struck Minnie what they were really saying, and her eyes widened in shock. “You... all of you actually fight the Snow Queen? You've been doing that all this time?”

“A'course we do!” Clarabelle said proudly, slapping a hand to her heart. “Been a proud family tradition for years! What right she got, thinkin' she can forbid love? None, I tell you, none! So we stand guard here and fight off her soldiers who try to take away our loved ones!”

“Ain't actually stopped 'em from doin' so,” Horace admitted with a shaky wave of his hand. “But with every defeat we learn a new lesson, I say. We'll never give up on people we love.” Then, with an amused grin, he gently nudged Clarabelle's arm with his own. “Ain't that right, Clarabelle?”

Clarabelle blushed with a shy smile of her own, though her teasing nudge-back was hard enough to send Horace stumbling backwards. “Aw, Horace! This ain't somethin' you say in front of the...” However, she stopped herself from calling Minnie the enemy again, as even she could tell the enemy wouldn't look so... stunned.

For a brief moment, Minnie couldn't see or hear anyone. She stared into space with this new thought – people had been fighting the Snow Queen? It had never just been defiant Mickey? How many other lands took up arms to defend love? Was it just Minnie's homeland that merely...gave up? Did they ever even try otherwise? The idea of having options was so revolutionary that Minnie didn't know what to do with it.

Horace glanced at Clarabelle, who glanced back at him.

“I'm thinkin' maybe we should ask the Chief what to do.”

“I'm thinkin' you might be right about that.”

Cow and horse stepped back to the doors, and knocked on several of them in a musical pattern. In response, the smallest door opened, and a portly dog of a man began to push his way out. His clothes were equally plain as his men, as if he was no better or worse than them, save for a few shiny badges atop his shoulder. “Atten... HUT!” he called out, and every solider stopped what they were doing to turn and salute. “'Tis another glorious day in our kingdom, and I see all is well! So, pray tell, what needs me help?”

Horace saluted himself and wound up smacking his own face in the process. “Sir, Chief, sir! Sir, we spotted this possible intruder on our border, sir!”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Clarabelle copied on the Chief's right side. “Sir, we sought your advice on how to handle this, sir!”

Ratface flicked Minnie's ear with his feather to bring her back to reality, and she shook her head hard, trying to remember everything. “Oh! I think they mean me, sir. Yes, sir?” She hesitated and then tried to copy their salute. “Sir, I would like to pass through your kingdom, if it's all right, sir.”

The Chief looked Minnie up and down without saying a word, his floppy cheeks swaying with him, the white in his hair showing shades of gray in the sunlight. When he was finished with his inspection, he placed one hand on Clarabelle's shoulder, and the other on Horace's. “You mean to tell me you thought this little girl was a danger to our entire kingdom?”

“Sir, yes, sir!” the duo chanted in unison.

The Chief sighed heavily, and then shoved the two together so that their foreheads smashed together. “Faith and begorrah, you daft fools! Lass doesn't even have on a pair of shoes! And you call yourselves guardians of our kingdom!”

“Sir, owwww, sir.”

“Sir, sorry, sir.”

The Chief muttered a few choice phrases to himself before approaching Minnie, a hand to his heart as he bowed. “Most sincere apologies, bonnie lass. I'm afraid my men are a bit on edge, can't even trust their own eyes. I'm Chief O'Hara, and if it's safe passage you want through our home, then you may have it.”

Relief ran through Minnie like a soft summer light, and she delicately began to step forward, her hands staying together. “Thank you ever so much, sir. My name is Minnie, and this is my friend Ratface.” Ratface huffed.

“Ah, a girl and her pet, what a good sight,” O'Hara mused, before taking a small biscuit out from one of his pockets. “Polly want a cracker, eh?”

It had been so long since Minnie had anything even remotely close to a laugh that when she abruptly snorted, she held her nose, confused as to what she just felt. The ghosts of giggles kept shaking inside her mouth, and it was the only thing keeping Ratface from biting off O'Hara's finger. “Well, all right, more for me, then.” The Chief popped the biscuit into his mouth and headed back to the doors. “Come along then, I'll be your guide.”

Minnie forced down the odd sensation, but just as she and O'Hara were about to pass through, Horace nervously rose his hand. “Sir, also, sir? Sir, if, well... if Donald shows up again... do we really have to put him through another test, sir?

“Sir, really, sir?” Clarabelle added with a look of sheer disdain. “Sir, we all know what's gunna happen, sir.”

“Now, now,” O'Hara wagged a reproachful finger at his subordinates, “We are a fair and honest group. So long as we need men, he may apply as many times as he wishes...” And then, he lowered his hand, mumbling to himself, “And as many times as our eardrums can stand it.” Pretending as if he said nothing, he straightened his back, and pushed open the door.

The Golden Kingdom certainly lived up to its name – absolutely everything was that color! The streets, the houses, even some of the food and smaller animals were colored in the same bright yellow. Thankfully it appeared the townsfolk had their options of colors when it came to dress, which preventing the entire scenery from being completely blinding. It was as yellow as Minnie's town as white – but that wasn't the difference that stayed with her. No, it was the people's faces – they weren't haggard and run-down, lost in exhaustion and weariness. They weren't all brimming with joy, but they were varied! Different! Emoting!

“Is the whole world like this?” Minnie asked softly, not really expecting an answer.

O'Hara raised an eyebrow at such an odd remark. “Oh, I'd say no place is ever exactly like any other. Be a rather dull world if that was the case, I think.” His eyes couldn't help but fall to her feet. “Lass... you may need to be on your way, but are you sure I can't get you a pair of shoes first? My wife, bless her heart, has way more than any woman needs.”

The offer was tempting, but the last person who attempted to clothe her had nearly turned her into a doll, so she was a tad resistant. “That's very kind of you, sir, but I really can't stay. I must get through here as quickly as possible.”

O'Hara frowned, displeased that he couldn't help, but he pushed it no further. “Very well, very well. If that be the case, then let us make haste. I can have you to the edge of the kingdom quite quickly... so long as we don't run into her.”

“Her?” Minnie asked, and she exchanged a questioning look at Ratface.

“~OOOOOOH~CHEEEEEIIIIIF~OOOOOOOHAAAAARAAAAAAAA~!”

O'Hara slapped a hand to his face and dragged it down slowly. “Speak of the devil.” In fact, it seemed everyone within a five mile radius was doing the exact same thing.

A carriage was riding up the yellow cobblestones, and naturally it too was almost garishly gold, with silver trimmings and lacy curtains on the side. The rider and his horse looked equally annoyed at the woman who continued to sing the Chief's name, along with interludes of “TRA LA LA LAAAA LA LA LAAAAA~!” Instead of riding in the carriage like a normal person, the singing lady was hanging off the doorway, arm and leg outstretched, ignoring or oblivious to the safety hazard she posed to herself. Her tight blue dress flapped wildly as the carriage rode on, navy ribbons tying up her fancy gloves and her fancy hair – golden ringlets that bounced off her cheeks. If she tilted any further, her bejeweled tiara would fall right off. She only stopped singing to give orders. “There he is, stop here, stop here!”

The rider and horse obeyed, and the rider popped out an earplug that wasn't up to the job. The lady hopped off the carriage door and walked on her tippy toes, where Minnie could see she was wearing dancing shoes with the same ribbons. “I have been looking all over for you, dear Chief! Where have you been?”

“At my post, my lady,” O'Hara replied after a respectful bow, fighting off the urge to pinch his temples. “As is my job.”

“No matter!” the woman decided with a flippant wave of her hand. “You're here now, so you can help me now! Spread the word – tonight, we shall be having another party at the castle, and everyone is to attend!”

Minnie nearly jumped at the sound of wide-spread groans all around, including from O'Hara. “Another one?! We just had one last night! We've been having them for weeks and weeks on end!”

“But we simply must have a party, Chief!” The woman was aghast at the idea of anything opposite, taking a step back. “Why, it's a special occasion!”

“What now?” The Chief asked, hands on his hips, leaning in. “We've had birthday parties for nearly everyone in the kingdom, a party for the opening of the dress store, a party for the good weather, we even had a party for Miss Clara repairing her wicker basket! What in the name of the angels could we possibly have left to celebrate?!”

The woman drew herself in, eyes darting all about, and she tugged anxiously at her gloves. “I, uh... well... there's... there must be, something special, happening somewhere...?”

“We can't afford to keep having these parties, my lady!” O'Hara insisted, though he at least tried to tone down his anger. “Please, think rationally! The money is going down the drain, and we can't afford to have our guards off duty when the Snow Queen could strike down at any time! You must think of your people... there is just nothing left to celebrate.”

The fancy-dressed woman continued to fidget, still trying to find an answer against all that logic. She bounced on her toes, beginning and ending sentences with “eh” “ah” “hm”, until she finally noticed Minnie – who felt like a mere audience member at the world's strangest play. “Oh? Who is this lovely girl?”

Minnie looked behind her until she realized that somehow she was the lovely girl. Chief O'Hara cleared his throat. “My lady... this one calls herself Minnie, along with her companion, Ratface. This here be our Golden Princess, Princess Daisy.”

While the last “royal” figure Minnie had met didn't seem one for etiquette, Minnie wanted to be fair to the person whose land she was traveling through, and so curtsied. “It is a pleasure to meet you, your royal highness.”

Daisy stared at Minnie, and she pulled out a thin blue fan from her sleeve, using it to point at Minnie's feet before fanning herself. “O'Hara. The girl doesn't have any shoes.”

Not wanting him to get in trouble, Minnie was quick to speak. “Oh, he offered, but I declined, your highness. You see, I really need to get through the kingdom as quickly as possible.”

Daisy propped the fan under her beak, an idea beginning to brew. “I haven't seen you around here before, and I pride myself on knowing everyone. You must be a newcomer... and we haven't had a traveler here in ages.” Her mouth split into a grin.

O'Hara jerked, hands outstretched. “My lady, don't you dare-”

“We MUST celebrate!” Daisy cheered, spinning in place. “Oh, yes, yes, yes! We will celebrate this dear girl's first day in the Golden Kingdom! It's a momentous occasion!”

Minnie looked around as if to make sure she was actually hearing this. While Ratface's taunts often seemed needlessly cruel, perhaps he had been a little too on the mark in this case. Ratface was in equal disbelief. “That's – that's really not necessary, there's nothing about me that's worth a party-”

“Nonsense, nonsense!” Daisy was suddenly invading Minnie's personal space, grabbing her hands and swaying them about. Ratface jumped off Minnie's shoulder and flew to the carriage to watch this strangeness unfold. “You are absolutely worth celebrating! We will have a grand and glorious time! This will be the day of Minnie!” She then pulled Minnie into a warm embrace, and waved off O'Hara. “Now, go, go, spread the word, all are invited!”

O'Hara inhaled as deeply as his lungs would allow before letting out the longest sight imaginable. “Yes, my lady...” Grumbles and moans echoed back and forth across the townsfolk.

“First things first,” Daisy then decided, giving Minnie a spin. “We must get you some shoes! I won't have you walk another step, you poor darling!” She then pointed her fan at the rider, who was tossing away his ear plugs. “Return to the castle and let everyone know about the party! Promptly at eight, of course, and everyone dressed to the nines! This is her first party here, and we must make it extra memorable!”

It was becoming clear to Minnie that she was having no say in this, so she may as well go along for the ride. However, Daisy did manage to bring up one thing of important note. “I've never been to a party before, anywhere.” She'd read about those wondrous things in books, but the books also said they were meant to make everyone happy – only Daisy seemed to like them.

“Never?” Daisy gasped, drawing Minnie even closer to her. “Never, ever, ever? Oh, then we must make this party ten times as special for you! But, again, first, shoes! To the cobbler!”

“How do I get there if I can't walk-” Today Minnie made another new noise in her mouth that she didn't recognize, a wiggled “Oooh?!” as Daisy triumphantly lifted Minnie into her arms and carried her as if she weighed no more than a sack of flour. Her eyes boggled, trying to find muscle in Daisy's dainty arms.

“No need to fret, darling dearest Minnie,” Daisy said as she began to walk, ever still tippy-toed. “All in the Golden Kingdom are required to train every day, lest the Snow Queen's soldiers come about to strike up a fight. Let us fetch you the cutest shoes you've ever seen, socks to match, and goodness gracious, I want to see you in something with silk!”

Minnie tilted her head back to see Ratface, who casually flew alongside them. Though they exchanged no verbal words, the look between their eyes was mutually understood.

It's killing you not to make fun of her, isn't it?

Shut up. Here I thought only your boy would carry you as a bride.

With Minnie unable to fight or make Daisy listen, she was whisked away to the cobbler, who was exasperated y the news of another party. Minnie was seated on a plush – yellow, of course – chair as the kindly old man measured her feet, then laid a brand new pair of fresh white socks on her lap.

Daisy flapped the fan on her face, analyzing Minnie all over again. “Colors, colors, colors... it must be so difficult for you to dress, you look like you'd match anything! Tell me, what would you like your shoes to be? Yellow is traditional, but, daresay, you could pull off purple.”

Minnie blinked at her, and then blinked at her several more times. She'd never been given an option about clothes before, so used to her family's hand-me-downs that she assumed she'd wear them even when old and gray. She first tried to dodge the question. “I don't have any way to repay you for this. I'm afraid all I have with me is some grass and vegetables.” And a valuable piece of jewelry, but Minnie wasn't going to part with that for anything.

“Repay me? Perish the thought. You're my honored guest.” Daisy lightly poked Minnie's nose with her fan. “The only thing I want from you is to have a good time at the party. Dance, and sing, and eat, and be merry! Make new friends! Find a special boy and take him into your arms!” She drew back her hand, eyes beginning to go distant. “Let him draw you away from the music so he can whisper sweet nothings into your ear... then go out into the balcony to see the stars and make a wish together...” Minnie began to doubt Daisy was really speaking to her anymore. “One more dance all by yourselves...”

“A-hem.” The cobbler cleared his throat. “The shoes, my lady?”

Daisy's eyes cleared up, rushing back to the present in full swing. “Eh? Ah? OH! Shoes. Shoes, yes!” She swiftly turned around and began to march up and down the aisles. “I should get a new pair myself while I'm here!”

As Daisy frittered away her choices, the cobbler shook his head, rubbing his aching back. “Sorry for all the trouble she's putting you in, miss,” he said, keeping his voice low. “She's not a bad girl... She just doesn't have her priorities in order anymore.”

Minnie lowered her head so she could return the whisper. “You mean she didn't use to be like this?”

“Mostly kept to the castle, she did, rarely came out to see us. Not that she was cold or mean... the King and Queen kept her inside at all times, 'fraid that the Snow Queen would someday snatch her away.” A pitiful sigh. “Irony, I tell you what. Two years ago, they were the ones taken away. Took a great toll on us all. But the princess did her best in their place, so she started leaving the castle to understand how things were run. Did a mighty fine job, if'fn you asked me.”

“So what changed?”

The old man shrugged. “Don't rightly know. I want to say it was about a month ago she began these parties... the first time was all right. It was to thank this brave young man for stopping a rotten family of muggers out to get her. Helped kick them right out of the kingdom. We all enjoyed that little shindig... it was a nice reminder of the happy things the Snow Queen can't take away from us. Then... she threw another one the next day. Then the next day. Over and over again, and she won't stop! We'll be bankrupt and sitting targets if this keeps up!”

Minnie chewed on her lower lip as she listened to the tale, eyes continuously going back to Daisy who sang a joyous melody as she chose a pair of silver heels for herself. No, she wasn't a bad person, Minnie decided, even if her experience with bad people was limited. Unlike Mother's backhanded praises, Daisy seemed to genuinely mean everything she said, even if she didn't think about it clearly. Minnie looked down at her lap, then put her head up. “She made me the guest of honor... maybe she'll listen to me. I could try to talk to her.” It might not be a success, but the idea of leaving these people without trying to help made her ill.

The cobbler's expression softened, and then he chuckled. “My thanks, good lady. Who knows? Maybe you'll have the angel's miracles on your side.”

There was that word again – angel. She'd been hearing a few times since she arrived in the Golden Kingdom, but was unfamiliar with the term. Maybe Ratface would know, if she could get a moment alone with him. Right now he was waiting outside, sitting on the roof, looking out for who knew what. Daisy bounced back to the two, twirling around in her new duds. “Oooh, these are the best ones yet! I'll pay you double – triple for these! No arguments, it shall be done.” The cobbler huffed, slightly bemused, as Daisy went on. “And what of you, Minnie? You never did answer me.”

If Minnie was going to get Daisy to listen, it seemed she would have no choice but to see this party through until the end. She fidgeted, hands on her lap. An actual choice about what to wear? Her heart was beating hard, nerves tingling. She didn't know excitement when it coursed through her blood. “Could... I mean... if it's no trouble... is red all right?”

Daisy gasped, hands clasped together. “Red... RED! Oh, of course, red! You were meant for red, you were born for red! No, what am I saying? Red was born for you! Red didn't exist until you came along! We must get you the reddest red to ever red!” She then turned on her heel and lightly began pushing the cobbler along. “Come, come! We will get the reddest, prettiest shoes for her adorable little feet! We haven't a moment to spare!”

Minnie was mostly grateful just to have shoes on again, no matter what the color, yet she couldn't deny a tinge of happiness that she was allowed to choose how it looked. Yet she only had them on for a handful of seconds before Daisy snatched her arm and dragged her away, because now she needed stockings! Now she needed gloves! Now she needed ribbons for her hair, not to mention six – no, seven – no, twelve dresses! She should have options and back-up options after all!

They only stopped shopping when Daisy was feeling peckish, and headed down to the bustling marketplace for a bite to eat. Minnie held onto Daisy's hand, afraid they'd be separated, and Daisy was more than happy to tug her along. All the lavish clothes had been sent to the castle for a “final prep-up” as Daisy called it, although Minnie kept the shoes on. Daisy hummed as she looked through the wares, unable to decide what to nibble on, and Minnie saw an opportunity since Daisy was, for once, not throwing money everywhere.

“May I ask you something, your highness?”

“Only if you call me by name,” Daisy said without turning back, balancing a fresh apple on her fan.

“All right... Daisy... Why do you keep throwing parties?”

The princess laughed, dropping a coin into the farmer's hand as she walked with her fruit. “Why? Because everyone loves parties! And happy people make for a happy kingdom.” Which meant she must have been ignoring the grimaces of the people around her who were grumbling about wanting to go to bed at a decent hour and finishing their late-night jobs. “Once you attend your first one, you'll know. Everyone's going to adore you, I can feel it.”

On sheer instinct, Minnie's lifelong ability to be blunt came out. “I don't think so. You're only being nice to me because I'm a reason to have a party, aren't you?”

At this point Daisy had bitten into the apple, but the words stabbed her so deeply that it fell off the fan and rolled along the ground until a peppy stray pup ran away with it. Even then, Daisy's jaw hung, bits of apple on her beak. When she found words, her typically sing-song voice was wrought with despair. “That's... that's not, true, I... I do like you, I...”

“But you don't know me,” Minnie said, although she began to feel guilty as she saw the agony in Daisy's eyes. It wasn't just about this truth – there was another truth behind them, and although Minnie couldn't fathom what it was, she could tell she was getting close. “How can you like me when you don't know anything about me? If I wasn't here, would you still have a party tonight?”

Some of the closer merchants, overhearing this incredibly awkward talk, began to shuffle away. Daisy's hands came together, wringing the fan, threatening to break it. She began to sniffle quietly, fighting back an urge to cry. “I... P-Please, I need to have this party...” Desperate, she grabbed Minnie's hands, pulling her close. “Please! Please... I'll give you anything you want, just... please let me have this party, I need...”

Of course, Minnie was going to ask again, why? But that's when she heard several loud sounds in succession.

First, a CRASH!

Then, a BANG!

Lastly, a YELL!

“WHY YOU DOGGONE STUBBORN LITTLE – I'LL RIP OFF YOUR FEATHERS AND STUFF 'EM INTO A PILLOW!”

That's when Ratface made an appearance, landing on Minnie's shoulder, gorging himself on a fat fish tail. A hand-drawn wagon raced down the pathway, one of the wheels broken, and a siding cracked in two, letting the rest of the fish fall onto the ground. The owner of the wagon, a young man with a bright yellow vest that made his dirty white feathers stick out all the more, was ranting at the top of his lungs about a tiny thief, oh how'd he catch him and cook him and use his bones as lawn ornaments. The man then tripped over a loose cobblestone, fell onto his face, the wagon ran him over, the wagon crashed into a wall, and the remains of the fish splattered onto the man.

Not a single member of the townsfolk appeared remotely surprised by these events. Instead, a few waved and passed with a communal, “Good afternoon, Donald.”

Minnie turned her head to glare at Ratface. “That wasn't nice.” Ratface made no comment.

Daisy, meanwhile, had perked up instantly, any tears in her eyes vanishing. “Donald! Oh, silly me, Sir Donald~! What a most pleasant afternoon it is, to see you out and about, hard at work!”

Donald managed to sit up, now covered in scales and slime. “Thanks, your highness... I think...” He pushed a fish off his beak, and then his anger was reignited when he saw Ratface upon Minnie's shoulder. “You! You lousy... nobody steals my cargo! I ought to pop you a new one!” He stood up in an attempt to do so, but began slipping on fish.

“Ah ah ah, careful there, dear Sir Donald,” Daisy cooed, catching Donald's hands and helping him to his feet. “I'll pay for the damages, don't you fret.”

“I really am sorry about what he's done.” Minnie frowned at Ratface, who didn't seem at all apologetic as he continued to eat. “My friend Ratface, he's really...” Ah, but she wasn't supposed to reveal he wasn't an average bird, wasn't she? “He's really...” She looked at Ratface, and one of those strange few feelings coursed inside her. “... He's really not a very bright bird.”

Ratface spat out the fish in shock, staring at Minnie, who calmly returned the look. “No, I'd say he's not a very smart bird at all. I mean, if he could talk, I'm sure he'd have some way of explaining himself. But he's not smart enough for that. It's a good thing he's pretty, though, isn't he?” She lightly stroked his beak with her finger.

Ratface's mouth hung open, torn between humiliation and – as reluctant as he would be to admit it – some respect.

Donald crossed his arms, but as he tapped his fingers, he began to cool down. “Well... he is a really dumb-looking bird. I guess if he's too stupid to know any better...” Minnie quickly went to clamp Ratface's beak with her hand, helping him resist the urge to claw Donald's face off. With that settled, he faced the princess. “And it's nice of you to offer, your highness-”

“Daaaisyyyy~” she corrected in song.

“... I can't let you keep paying for all my mistakes,” Donald finished. “My temper's my own problem. Maybe if I kept my cool...” He then airily gestured to the fish disaster around them.

“Oh, no.” Daisy clicked her tongue, drawing back a bit. “Don't tell me the guardsmen didn't let you pass the test again?”

Donald cleared his throat, tugging at his collar. “Um... on the plus side, this time I didn't insult anyone's mother.”

“It's not fair!” Daisy protested. “You would make an excellent guardsman! I'll tell Chief O'Hara to hire you right-”

“No, no, no!” Donald held out his hands, flailing slightly. “Daisy, don't! I want to get there on my own merits! You have your place,” he gestured far off, to the castle if Minnie had to guess, “And I have mine.” He opened his hands downward. “And that's where we have to stay. I don't want anyone thinking I got the job because I'm friends with royalty. You got that?”

“Right... right... of course...” Daisy's enthusiasm was falling, until she spotted Minnie out of the corner of her eye. “Where are my manners? Donald, this is Minnie, my new best friend!” she announced as she yanked Minnie in front of Donald.

“She is?” Donald asked.

“I am?” Minnie also asked.

“Minnie, Donald, Donald, Minnie.” Daisy wildly waved back and forth between them. “She's a new arrival to the Golden Kingdom, and she's never been to a party before! So, being the wonderful person that I am, I'm throwing a party in her honor!”

Donald's shoulders sank. “Another party? I barely recovered from last night's! My feet still ache from all those dances! And the guardsmen need to stay at the doors to protect us, not chomp down on a buffet! Do we really need another one?”

“Yes,” Daisy replied automatically. “Yes we do. Why, it would be rude not to! For Minnie's sake! Look at that cute face and tell her you don't want a party! You can't, can you? She's too adorable.”

Donald sucked the inside of his cheek, he and Minnie exchanging sympathetic gestures. “... Never? Not even for your birthday?” he finally asked.

Minnie tilted her head. “What's a birthday?”

Daisy's plan was temporarily forgotten due to sheer shock. “Oh my gosh. I am buying you twenty more dresses.” Then she remembered, shook her head, and focused her attention back on Donald. “You will come... won't you?”

Donald slumped forward – another fish fell out of his vest. “Okay... fine. Just for her. One more party, and that's it.”

“Oooh, goody goody!” Daisy clapped wildly, even doing another spin. “Of course you will, I never doubted you would, Sir Donald!”

“Yeah-huh.” Donald finally went back to his job, picking up the fish one by one. “Guess I better finish this quickly if I want to make it...”

“Let me help, help me help!”

As Daisy flounced from fish to fish, Ratface nudged Minnie's cheek. Since he was still on his self-imposed limit, he used both wings to point at Donald, then Daisy, then pressed his wings together. Minnie didn't get it. He did it again. She still stared without a clue. Ratface threw his wings up in frustration before kicking the satchel on Minnie's back, the jewelry inside jostling.

Minnie's eyes widened. “... Oooh. So you're saying...?” He nodded. “She feels...?” Nod. “So the reason is...?” Nod.

“I'm... going to have a difficult time leaving this place, aren't I?”

Big, big, big nod.

[april-lilies]

Sounds like you have some super cool stories for us, it its not anything too private. I think it would be super cool to hear about more stories with you and tokyo.

Oh my god, the thing is that I don’t even know where to start…so you’re going to get a general rundown of all of it. I apologize as some bits may potentially make people uncomfortable (I got molested while drunk at one point).

Strap in, this is going to be LONG, though I’m going to gloss over some bits. This all happened while also going to school Mon-Fri and some Saturdays all day. I’m also excluding most of the hanging out with my class friends because it was more just casual hanging out/bar hopping/nothing very exciting.

If anyone has any more specific questions about my experiences or Tokyo, please feel free to ask me.

The first weekend I was here I went to a gothy music event after going to a Buck-Tick gig. The BT gig ended at like 8:30 and I didn’t want to go home and I knew of the all night music gig. I was going to chicken out from going, but I decided to attend. That one decision set off all of this.

At the gothy music thing, I saw Auto-Mod and various alt DJs in the Tokyo scene. Some random western dude then came in and seemed to know everyone and eventually danced with me for a bit. He was just trying to get people to dance/get hyped up for the band. Figured that was that, but after the show he grabbed me and started introducing me to various people, mostly DJs including DJ Sisen. Turns out the dude runs his own club, and he and one of the DJs (who I will call Ossan #1) took me over to it. I got in free and drank free, chatted with people a bit there. Ossan #1 worked/works for Buck-Tick’s record company and we chatted about BT for a while. He was fucking shocked I knew them and had just come from a gig. It was wild to just…run into a random person and talk to them about BT at some length. After the club closed, the club owner took me out to breakfast at a lil place that you wouldn’t have ever been able to find unless you knew it was there and the cooks looked like yankis. Everyone was really nice and were shoving food at me for me to try. I didn’t get home til like 10:15 in the morning.

This was before Halloween and the club owner told me I should come to his big Halloween party at a big nice venue the next weekend, so I went because I am a curious mofo. Through the night I got hit on and pursued and bought drinks by various men, danced, and got kissed by like 5 people. Toward the end, Ossan #1 shoved me on stage to dance with some professional performer girls, which was pretty fun. After, I was invited to come to the after party and we split up to go in various taxis/or take the train. I took the train with another DJ guy, who then tried to take me home instead, to which I noped out and went to the bar where we were supposed to meet the other people. I just kinda hung around and left when I felt I could.

Next weekend was the weekend before Halloween and my closest class friend asked me to go out to an LGBT party with her (she’s a married lesbian). I said sure, but we ended up not going there and ended up going to a famous women’s only bar in the gay district of Tokyo. We did a nomihodai, which is all you can drink for a set time (at this bar it lasted two hours). Various people were hitting on my friend until she told them she was married and then the attention turned to me and it was the first time irl I’ve been hit on by women. It was an interesting experience and was fun. After, we left to go to an lgbt bar where my friend knew the manager. Drank there. Then decided to walk over to the bar where I know the club owner, since there was another Halloween party there that night too. BUT when we got there, my friend decided to go home and left me to the bar by myself. I was already pretty fucking buzzed by that point since we’d had a lot to drink, and then when I got to the bar, I met another DJ (who I will now call Ossan #2), who bought me like three shots, which we downed quickly. He went off and left not long after that. I didn’t know at the time, but now I think he probably left because he was drunk/he can’t handle much booze and the shots probably hit him. I was ok myself for a bit, but then the shots fucking hit me and knocked me on my ass. I blacked out drunk for the first time in my life. It was not fun and I don’t remember a lot. I know I got sick and I had a few nice people taking care of me. I’m really glad for them and that the people at this bar are generally very good people. When I was more conscious/sober but still terribly drunk, I found myself scared and alone on a couch in the bar. I noticed Ossan #1 (who was also very drunk) and he was the only one I recognized and I went to him because I wanted to be near someone I knew. That ended with me being drunk and confused as I realized he’d fucking shoved his hand up my shirt and pushed my bra away and was groping me. I was too fucking drunk to really do much. I was aware enough to pull his hand away when he kept trying to put it down my pants, at least. This was near the end of the party and at the end he tried to get me to go home with him and I was too drunk to really do anything, so I stared at the bar owner until he noticed me and came over. He fended off the Ossan DJ #1 and then had two of his friends escort me to the train station so I’d be safe. I regret getting as drunk as I did that night and will never, ever do it again, but it was probably a good lesson to learn.

Most DJs or club people I’d talked to a bit more and I had exchanged Line contacts, so later that week Ossan DJ #2 contacted me and asked me to go to a music festival the coming weekend with him. Again, I am a terribly curious person and said sure. He bought my ticket and went over to it together, grabbing some food and some beers at the venue (Poor dude said he was kinda drunk after two beers. One thing I like about japan is I can drink all the Japanese men I’ve met under the table.). It was more of a nerdy music/arts festival than anything, merging electronic art and imagery with electronic music. It was actually really cool and I wish we’d stayed longed, but Ossan #2 just kinda flitted around a bit from area to area in the venue (which was a cool museum). He eventually took me to a nice sushi place and we ate a ton and he paid for all of it. He then decided he wanted to go home and we split ways. To this day I’m still not exactly sure wtf he wants from me since he’s made no moves on me at all, but has asked me to hang out multiple times, though I’ve always been busy.

Next weekend I was out shopping and by the end couldn’t decide if I wanted to stop by the bar for a drink before going home. It was only like 8pm and I didn’t think there would be many people there and I didn’t wanna go by myself when there wasn’t a party going on (they start at ~11pm), but I decided to walk over to the area anyway before deciding if I was gunna go in to the bar or not. When I got there I decided no, and started to walk to the train station home. On the way, a guy who was clearly not a resident stopped me. He was a guy in Tokyo on business from Hong Kong and asked me if I knew any good bars in the area and if I wanted to go drinking with him. I said sure, only because I got to pick the bar and we were right by the one I was comfortable with. Drank with him for a while and responded with disinterest as he kept hitting on me and trying to kiss me/etc. he was kinda drunk already and luckily at one point he fucked up and called me the wrong name, to which I fucking roasted him. It was getting near 11pm then and I had permission from the bar owner to stay a bit later without having to pay the entrance fee for the upcoming party and I basically told the guy to gtfo since he’d have to pay if he stayed any longer. After he left I stuck around and socialized for like an hour before catching one of the last trains home.

Next, I decided to go to another kinda gothy DJ/performance event at the same venue as the one I’d first gone to. I didn’t really know anyone there (I had met a few of the DJs before, but nothing to the level they’d really remember me), so I just kinda hung around by myself and danced a lil. Annnd then Ossan DJ #1 came in. It was a dance of awkward small talk, standing on opposite sides of the room, and avoiding each other. Eventually at he end of the night, the club owner I know showed up and he ended up taking me and introducing me to more people and got me to socialize a bit. At one point when he’d gone off to socialize with some others, Ossan #1 finally came up to me at the bar and was like ‘So……..you’re mad at me….what did I do?’. I thought he was avoiding me because he knew he fucked up the last time, when in reality he was avoiding me because I’d been acting cold to him all night and he didn’t know why. He didn’t remember what he’d done and I got to inform him of it, to which he tried to make me stop and shush me and tell me to keep it a secret. I was not shushed. Eventually bar owner came back and we went over to his bar, which was frankly pretty boring this time. When we were leaving, another club owner stopped me on the street and said I looked like Boy George (which was a comment I got about 5 times that night because of my make up/hat combo. it was completely an accident) and she got my Line info and asked me to play Boy George in an 80s night she will be doing in March and was very happy to find me because she already has a guy who plays Pete Burns for her. We’ll see if she ever actually contacts me about this again. When I went to say goodbye to the bar owner after she was done talking to me, he introduced me to a friend of his and told his friend to ‘take care of me’. I didn’t know what the fuck that meant, but he took me out to breakfast and we just chatted. It was nice and the food was fucking amazing traditional Japanese grilled fish breakfast set.

Sometime during the next week (on a school night) went to a Kaya gig where he sang Schwarz Stein/Femme Fatale/solo work accompanied by piano and violin. It was a very lovely little show in an intimate bar.

Ok, now this I’m not exactly proud to admit, and you may judge me as you like, but I messaged Ossan #1 the next week and told him I’d forgive him for what he did one time and asked if it’d be ok for me to go to the event he was DJing that night. I knew we’d run in the same circles and that I’d keep seeing him and I wanted to clear the air. He said yes, that he was relieved, and that he’d never touch me again (which he has indeed kept his promise on and has backed off from anything more than some verbal teasing). The event was at a very nice little bar I’d never been to before. There was supposed to have a cover charge, but I waltzed right in and the staff like gestured to Ossan #1 like ‘ah you’re here because of him.’ He bought me a drink and then proceeded to introduce me to some people there, including a couple. The wife spoke very good English, and it turns out they run a large fetish party in Tokyo and that Ossan #1 DJs for it. Apparently Ossan #1 introduced me to them as sort of an apology and had suggested to them that I model for their next fetish party, to which they liked the idea. I ended up chatting with the wife most of the time, and I have to say she was THE SWEETEST. The DJ event at this bar only lasted until 1am and trains don’t start again until 4-5am, so I had intended to walk 45min to the bar I know the owner of and stay the rest of the night there. Instead, I was asked to go to Harajuku to a bar with the couple, Ossan DJ #1, and two girls who were at the bar (one of which was one of the girls I’d danced on stage with at Halloween, but I’m not sure she remembered me). I said sure, and the couple paid for all my drinks at the first bar and then we hopped in taxis, which I also didn’t end up paying for at all. At the bar in Harajuku, the couple took us up to the private floor and a waiter immediately came and served us all champagne. I was sitting on the end at first and everyone was talking in Japanese and I just kinda observed, until the wife noticed and moved from her husband to come and sit by me and talk with me ;___; Lots of champagne and silly chatting was done (and I guess planning for their next Fetish party, but that was done in Japanese) and turns out the wife was really into BT/Sakurai when she was a teenager, so we chatted about that too. Overall, it was really, really fun and the wife invited me to their private Xmas party in a few weeks. After, we all hopped in a taxi and they had it take me over to the bar I normally go to and paid for it for me. I don’t remember a whole lot because I’d been drinking a fair bit, but I know I kissed one of the bartenders, and idk how the fuck that happened. At the end, I somehow also ended up going out for a ramen breakfasts with a bunch of French people, who ended up paying for my food for some reason.

During the next week, for some reason I decided to go over to the bar when the bartender I’d kissed was working. I’m not exactly fucking sure why, I think I just wanted to see how he acted and to see if that had actually happened. We chatted a bit about music and it was really pretty awkward since we were the only ones there at first and his English was bad as is my Japanese. Eventually more customers came in and he was attending to them, but turned the music system to playing Soft Ballet since I’d mentioned I like them. And then this older dude from Belgium came in and came over to ask to drink with me because he was glad to see another Westerner there. We ended up chatting for a quite a while and he bought me drinks the whole time. Eventually his friends came and he left and I needed to catch my train and I went to leave. To which the bartender came out in the hall and kissed me while I was waiting for the elevator, which then confirmed that shit had indeed happened the last time I’d been at the bar. I still have no fucking clue why he and I ever kissed the first time.

The next while was spent mostly on school and trying to find something to wear for the Xmas party. Like what the fuck do you wear to a fancy dress party run by people who organize Fetish parties??? And also I was curious how it’d go because both Ossans were on the guest list. Anyway, eventually that came and Ossan #2 was super surprised to see me because he had no idea how the fuck I got involved in this group/how I got involved enough to be invited to the Xmas party. He and I chatted and hung around until he had to leave to DJ at another event (which was supposed to be the after party for the Xmas party, but we didn’t end up going). After he left I kinda just…awkwardly introduced and passed around to various Westerners/Japanese who spoke English there. I don’t think some were very thrilled to talk to me/felt like they were baby-sitting. It was funny though, at one point I was asked which DJ/man there I ‘belonged to’ and the woman seemed to think it was badass that I said I don’t belong to anyone. At one point I talked with the host couple a bit too and they expressed that they were trying to figure out what they wanted me to do for their Fetish party. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, and I still don’t. Eventually a half American, half-British guy came up to me and we ended up chatting most of the rest of the party. He was really chill and bought me some curry, lol. The party was officially over, but most people stuck around to keep drinking and socializing and were getting more drunk. Ended up chatting with Ossan #1 a bit and with the host lady. Also, for being a party run by fetish people, the most kinky thing that happened was someone getting spanked a bit at the end, so it was a lot less weird than I thought it might get. A group from the party, including the host couple, decided to go to a restaurant near by and the half-Brit guy and I decided to go along. We hung out most of it but later regretted going b/c it was a flat fee we were all charged to be there and eat/drink, which was about $50. I didn’t have enough money on me at the time and the Brit guy took pity on me and decided to pay for mine since he knew I was a student and had no income. I told him I’d pay him back, but he refused. We also ended up being silly and eating slices of wagyu steak with our hands because we didn’t get sliver wear and it was some stupid protest at the time over how expensive it was. Idk, it was dumb but fun. Eventually we hopped a taxi and he went home and I went to the bar I always go to to wait for the train. Nothing very exciting happened there other than a drunk bartender kept giving me rice balls for free. I guess the day after the host lady messaged the Brit guy to ask if I’d gotten home ok ;____;

The next few weeks I just focused on getting through school/finals, which was admittedly rough and came with a bit of a breakdown towards the end. One week night I did end up going out to dinner with the club owner, which mostly was just him talking about politics the whole time. We went to a bar in the gay district for a few drinks after since I guess he liked the particular gay bar, despite not being gay. Idk, he still mostly talked about politics, which is not a topic I really enjoy discussing. Another night I ended up going out to a café with the Brit guy, as well. It had intended to be me studying and him working on translation work, but we mostly ended up talking and gossiping about the people in the club scene. I guess he’s been in the scene for ~10 years and yet I’ve managed to infiltrate it and meet more people in two months than he had in years 8| Not that I was trying to do that, it was all a bunch of accidents. Also near finals I went to a music gig of Auto-Mod/Der Zibet/Loopus. I regret not sticking around to socialize at the bar once the show was done, but I had Saturday class the day after.

Finally got through finals and went out with my school friends for the last time before most of them left since they were staying only one semester (thankfully the girl I went out with on Halloween is staying and she’s the person I’m closest with at school). ANNNNNNND the next day picked up Riki (@crimsonmaggots) from the airport. That night I’d been invited to parties both by the club owner and by the fetish party lady, but Riki and I were both exhausted and stayed home. He stayed with me over my break and we did a bunch of stuff. I’ll mention some notable ones that relate to my social life or music.

We went to Yellow House, which is a shop run by the woman who has been dressing many visual kei bands since the very beginning/her shop has been around 37 years. It’s tiny but the walls are plastered with old band flyers, posters, and polaroids of her with band members through the years. I def freaked out a bit over her old pics with BT and she had a sticker banner thing from the original DIQ in ’89. If you’re ever in Harajuku and are into VK, I suggest you stop by and at least talk to her. She’s a gem and a spitfire of an old lady. It was a religious experience; especially for Riki since the lady basically dressed him in a perfect coat and also he ended up buying one of the same shirts Imai had bought from the lady.

We also went to Buck-Tick’s tour finale, which was FUCKING FANTASTIC. We prepared like the entire day to make sure our looks were on point before going to the gig. It was so fucking good and I ended up getting us 4th row seats since I’m part of Fish Tank. People danced the entire gig and it was super fun. He and I also ended up in the crowd a few times on the live broadcast of the show. After, we hit up a restaurant for some beef stew omurice before heading to the bar I always go to for the weekend’s party. Which happened to be hosted by Takuya Angel this time, who thanked us for coming. It was a small party and we mostly just hung out and danced. The bartender who I had kissed the one time did like try to be a bit close to me at a few points, but I think got salty and avoided me after seeing that I was there with Riki, since I guess he thought we might be involved. Also the club owner randomly showed up and made two big posts of Chinese stew and gave it to all the guests for free??? It was an odd night, but fun.

On New Year’s we decided to go to a sort of gothy, black-themed New Year’s party. Unfortunately, we left kinda late and I didn’t think about how Shibuya would be fucking PACKED on NYE, so we were stuck jammed in a crowd when the year changed. Eventually we made it to the party and were met by a warm welcome from a DJ lady who was also there. She runs a shop in Harajuku we’d stopped by previously where she was super nice and let us try on corsets. Otherwise, I had been introduced to a few people there before (such as the woman who was running the party, I met her at the Xmas party, but I don’t think she remembered me), but wasn’t exactly on close enough terms to feel comfortable chatting with any of them except Ossan #1. Most of the night was spent dancing our asses off, people watching, and drinking. The performer girl who I had danced with at Halloween and who had been around at various other events was there too and she ended up dancing with me a bit and eventually dragged me and Riki up on the stage to dance with her and her friend during the last DJ set (which was Ossan #1). Idk how long Riki was up there, but the girl and I ended up dancing on stage together for quite a while

Various other adventures were had while Riki was here and he just left yesterday and now I’m fucking sad he’s gone.

I start school again tomorrow and that’s where I’m at with things. There’s a party this weekend at my typical bar where Ossan #1 is DJing….we’ll see if I go or not. We’ll see what happens with the fetish party. We’ll see what the fuck happens with my social life. All I know is this is far from over.

I applaud you if you read this all.

[barchie-is-endgame]

Drunken nights and sore heads

Prompt: “Are you drunk?” “Incredibly.”

Betty stared at herself in the mirror, her ponytail was pulled neatly against her head and her make up, whilst minimal, was impeccable. Despite this Betty sighed at her reflection, she looked perfect and she hated that. She shouldn’t look perfect because she certainly didn’t feel perfect. Her father was currently in prison awaiting trial for the murder of her friends and attempted murder of her best friends dad. The same best friend hadn’t spoken to her since the arrest, not that she blamed him. She had also recently decided to end it with her boyfriend, Jughead, leader of the Southside Serpents. The decision hadn’t come easy, but they both wanted different things, Betty couldn’t find it in herself to be part of the serpents, especially become it’s queen, not after finding out about her dads very dark side, she worried that being a part of the serpents would bring her dark side to the surface and she’d lose herself to the darkness that she already struggled to keep at bay.

Huffing at her reflection, she reached up and tore the hair band from her hair and slammed it down on the dresser. She ran her fingers through her blonde curls and let it fall naturally to her shoulders. Next she applied a thin line of eyeliner, smudging it in slightly before applying another layer of mascara. Satisfied that this was as good as it was going to get Betty stood up from the dresser, smoothed down her shorts and made her way downstairs. Betty was on her way to a party that Cheryl was throwing, the party was to celebrate the capture of the black hood, which Cheryl was taking full credit for after hitting Hal with a very well placed arrow. The party was also celebrating a big step in Cheryl and Toni’s relationship, Cheryl had become an honorary member of the Southside Serpents. The party was being held at Thorncliffe Manor, whilst the manor was still in a state of disrepair the barn was untouched by the fire and Cheryl had paid to have all traces of the family legacy, maple farming, removed from the barn. If Betty was being completely honest, the last thing she wanted to do was go to a party being thrown by Cheryl, but Veronica was very insistent that, if Betty didn’t attend this party, then Veronica was going to throw the next party at Betty’s house with full support from her mum, who was also getting concerned as well as fed up with Betty’s moping.

The party was in full swing by the time Betty arrived, it had taken Betty longer than usual to walk to Thorncliffe, she had stopped and almost turned back a few times on the way over but the thought of her mother’s disappointment if she walked back in kept her going. Glancing round the barn Betty could see that most, if not all of Riverdale high was here and, much to Betty’s dismay, a few Serpents were in attendance. Betty could only hope that Jughead was too busy with his new role as Serpent leader to attend a high school party. The barn itself looked completely different, there were no barrels or machinery in sight, in its place were dozens of sofas and seating areas, a DJ booth located in the corner of the barn was playing an upbeat dance song Betty hadn’t heard before. Against the back wall was a table lined with bottles, a number of beer kegs and a large bowl of punch. Betty made her way towards the drinks table, in desperate need of liquid refreshment. She pushed her way past dancing bodies and what seemed like a very intense game of beer pong between Reggie and a very intoxicated girl, Betty was sure she was in the year below her. Betty grabbed herself a plastic cup and filled it to the top with the peach coloured punch before taking a long deep drink. Pulling the cup away from her lips Betty let out a little cough, the punch had clearly been spiked, Betty suspected it had been spiked more than once. Despite the bitter taste Betty finished the drink before filling the cup again and turning to face the party. Glancing round the sea of bodies Betty caught a glimpse of fiery red hair moving through the crowd. She should have known Archie would be here, Veronica no doubt dragged him along. Sipping her drink Betty scanned the crowd for Veronica, her eyes landed on Cheryl, who sat on one of the many sofas surrounded by a small crowd, she appeared to be telling an interesting story which had the crowd listening intently, no doubt recounting how she managed to snare the black hood, her dad. Betty downed the last of her drink and turned round to fill her cup once more. As she poured the laced punch into her cup Betty felt someone pull her arm back.

“Betty, you came.” Veronica exclaimed as she pulled Betty around and into a hug. As Betty pulled back she noticed that Veronica’s eyes were slightly glazed, she wondered just how much punch Veronica had drunk.

“I didn’t think I had a choice.” Betty replied with a half giggle. Veronica looked amazing as usual, she was wearing a plum coloured dress that hugged every last curve paired with some killer heels Betty could only dream of being able to walk in. Betty felt very underdressed, her pale pink off the shoulder t-shirt and her denim shorts paired with her jewelled nude flats left her feeling more dumpy and less cute the more she stood next to Veronica.

“Come dance with me Betty.” Veronica shouted over the music, she pulled Betty’s hand towards the dance floor causing a small amount of punch to spill over both their hands. Betty shook her head.

“No, Veronica no.” Betty pleaded while Veronica still tried to pull her towards the dance floor. Veronica looked at Betty with pleading eyes and a smirk on her lips.

“Come on Betty, it’ll be fun. Dance with me.” Veronica swayed her hips in time to the music all the while making puppy dog eyes at Betty, relenting with a roll of her eyes, she downed the rest of her drink and threw her cup in the direction of the drinks table before following Veronica towards the centre of the dance floor.

Whilst they were dancing and laughing to the music Reggie appeared with a tray of shots. He offered one to Betty who shook her head while Veronica reached over and grabbed two off the tray. She held one out to Betty whilst nodding. ‘What the hell’ Betty thought as she knocked the shot back. The liquid burned the whole way down and caused Betty’s whole body to shiver, Reggie and Veronica laughed at her reaction. Veronica grabbed Betty’s empty shot glass and replaced it with another full one.

“No way.” Betty yelled whilst shaking her head. “It tastes awful.” Betty tried to push the shot back into Veronica’s hand.

“C’mon Betty, have a little fun.” Veronica said before downing her second shot. Betty looked down at the shot before sighing and knocking it back. It seemed to burn a little less this time but still left an awful taste in her mouth. She scrunched up her face and shoved the empty glass towards a giggling Veronica.

“I’m gunna go grab another drink to wash that taste out of my mouth, do you want me to get you one?” Betty shouted over to Veronica, Veronica simply shook her head no before turning round to carry on dancing. On her way Betty stumbled a few times before she knocked into the drinks table grabbing hold of the edge of the table, she shook her head as if that would help get rid of the dizziness. Grabbing another cup she filled it with punch before taking a long drink, finding the punch tasted better with each drink she had. Feeling slightly buzzed from the alcohol Betty realised this was the most relaxed she’d felt since the drama with the black hood started, smiling to herself she finished her drink, filled the cup up once more and turned to head back on to the dance floor to find Veronica. Weaving through the mass of bodies Betty found it hard to keep her balance, she wished she’d left her drink at the table as the amount of alcohol she’d consumed was making it difficult to keep her drink steady and watch her feet at the same time. As she glanced up to look round for Veronica someone knocked into the back of her sending her flying forward, she slammed into another body before she started to fall to her left. A hand flew out and grabbed her arm pulling her upright which caused her drink to spill all down her arm and all over her rescuers hand.

“Oops.” Betty giggled, her gaze followed the arm up to meet the eyes of her saviour, Betty found herself looking up into the concerned face of none other than Archie Andrews.

“Betty, are you ok?” Archie asked whilst looking her up and down.

“Never better.” Betty replied, she moved her cup into her other hand and shook of the excess liquid from her hand, the juice from the punch had left her hand feeling sticky and uncomfortable. “Sorry for spilling my drink on you, I’ll go and grab some napkins.” Turning she made her way back to the drinks table hoping there was some napkins next to the cups.

“Betty wait.” Archie yelled after her but Betty continued to work her way through the crowd. With the table in sight Betty tried to push herself forward but someone’s elbow ended up in her ribs and once again she stumbled to the side, before she had time to fall someone grabbed her hips and pushed her forwards. “I’ve got you.” She heard Archie say from behind her. Reaching the table she spotted some napkins and grabbed a handful before spinning round to pass some to Archie, as she waited for the room to come into focus from the spin she reached back and grabbed the table to steady herself. Archie had come to a stop directly in front of Betty, he had one arm outstretched ready to catch a very unsteady looking Betty.

“Here.” Betty thrust the handful of napkins towards Archie. Archie took a couple and wiped down his arm whilst Betty wiped her own arm down.

“Betty,” Archie said to get Betty’s attention, she raised her head and looked at him with glassy, hooded eyes. “Are you drunk?

“Incredibly.” Betty replied, there was no point trying to hide it, Betty was wasted and she felt it. “Where’s Veronica?” Betty asked, there’s a slight slur to her words that Betty can do nothing about. Archie shrugged his shoulders.

“I haven’t seen her tonight.” He replied. Archie moved around Betty and grabbed two bottles of water from the table, he handed one to Betty whilst he opened and took a sip from the other. Betty placed the water behind her on the table, she wasn’t ready to sober up just yet, she was revelling in the feeling of euphoria the alcohol was providing her with. Archie frowned at her actions. “You should drink some water.”

“I’m fine.” Betty said with a shake of her head.

“You’ll regret it in the morning.” Said Archie as he grabbed the bottle of water and pushed it in her hands again.

“Well then I’ll worry about that in the morning.” Betty slammed the bottle back on the table and turned round to grab another cup before she filled it to the top with punch. She took another long drink before she turned round, she found Archie still stood in front of her. “What?” Betty asked annoyed with the look he was currently giving her.

“Maybe you should slow down with the punch.” Archie’s said as he reached towards Betty’s cup.

“I’ll be fine.” Betty said as she pulled her cup out of Archie’s reach. She was annoyed that he hadn’t spoken to her in weeks and there he was trying to ruin the only fun she’d had for a while. “Why are you so bothered anyway?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Archie looked slightly stunned before he replied.

“Because you’re my friend Betty, friends are suppose to help avoid drunken mistakes.” Archie said with a smirk.

“Oh, I didn’t realise we were still friends.” She stated before taking a sip of her drink. Why should she think they’re friends. They hadn’t spoken in weeks, he hadn’t even replied to the message she had sent shortly after her dads arrest. Thinking he might have needed some space, Betty waited for him to make the first move but with each day that passed she lost all hope that they could move past this, her dad did try to murder Archie’s dad twice after all, and Betty had come to terms with the loss of her friendship with Archie, so for him to stand there suddenly concerned just angered her.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”Archie asked, clearly confused. Why would she say they weren’t friends.

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” Betty placed her unfinished drink back on the table and walked around Archie to make her way back onto the dance floor, she was having a good time and really didn’t want to ruin the night having it out with Archie.

“Betty wait.” Archie spun round and tried to grab Betty’s arm but she pulled it out of his reach. “Betty why would you think that?”

“I said it doesn’t matter, forget I said anything.” Betty pleaded desperate not to get into this right now, her head still felt fuzzy and she just wanted to dance and laugh again. Archie shook his head and reached down to grab hold of her hand, he pulled her from the dance floor and towards the exit, Betty stumbled over her feet as she tried to keep up with Archie’s stomp. “Archie stop, what are you doing?” Archie ignored her and carried on towards the exit, he threw the door open and continued to drag Betty outside. “Archie let go.” Betty yelled as Archie continued to pull her round the side of the barn, annoyed Betty harshly pulled her hand back trying to get out of Archie’s grip, she underestimated how strong of a hold Archie had, and as her hand slipped out of his she went flying back and landed with a thud on her backside. On impact with the floor all air escaped from Betty’s lungs and she let out a loud huff.

“Shit Betty.” Archie rushed over and grabbed her upper arm to help her to her feet. “Are you ok?”

“Why did you drag me out here?” Betty asked ignoring his question. She reached round to dust off any dirt from her shorts.

“How could you think we aren’t friends Betty?” Archie asked, the way he asked it sounded like he was hurt by the very thought.

“Why would I think we are, this is the first time you’ve spoken to me in weeks, you’ve avoided me and ignored my messages.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you, I’ve just been busy. There’s been a lot going on, I’m sorry if you thought I was ignoring you it’s just, I’ve heard you’ve got a lot going on as well, and I just wanted to give you and Jughead a bit of space. You know how I feel about the serpents and I really didn’t want to argue after everything that happened.”

“What the hell have the serpents got to do with any of this?” Betty snapped back. Being at this party is the closest she’d been to a serpent since she broke up with Jug.

“Cheryl kindly let me know that Jughead was planning on asking you to be his queen and while I’m furious at jug for asking I know this is what you’ve wanted for a while, I can’t support it but I don’t want to fall out with you over this.” Betty is confused, does Archie think she’s the serpent Queen, how can he not know she turned Jug down.

“When did Cheryl tell you this?” Betty asked.

“It was about 3 weeks ago, why?”

“I’m not queen of the serpents Archie, I turned Jug down.” Betty said as she looked down at the floor. She knew it was the right choice to make but it still hurt, she really was in love with Jug.

“What, why? Why would you turn him down? I thought this was what you wanted?” Archie asked. Betty looked up from the floor and she could tell by the look on his face he really didn’t understand. And why would he, when was the last time he just spoke to Betty.

“How would you know what I want Archie? We don’t talk anymore. You spend all your time with the Lodges.” Tears were starting to form in Betty’s eyes, they were a mixture of anger and sadness.

“I’m sorry Betty, I had no idea.” Archie took a step towards Betty but she held up a hand to stop him.

“And why should you?”Betty responded, she felt close to yelling at him and it was taking everything to reign it in. “Even before my dad was caught our friendship was dwindling. We haven’t spoken to each other properly in months, are you even aware that Chic wasn’t my brother? I had a complete stranger staying with me for months and we had no idea.”

“Betty.” Archie looked pained, but Betty couldn’t care less. He abandoned her when she needed a friend. “You could have come to me.”

Betty scoffed. “When?” She demanded. “I tried to call you after I confronted Chic but you didn’t answer, Veronica told me you were in a meeting with her dad, I waited all night for you to call back.” Betty looked down at the floor once again, she swayed slightly on the spot as she wrapped her arms around herself. Next thing she knew arms were locked round her and her head was being crushed into Archie’s chest.

“Betty, I’m so sorry. I’ve been a really shitty friend.” Betty could hear the sincerity in his voice. She inhaled deeply and got a lungful of Archie’s scent, he smelt just like he did when they were younger and Betty found herself smiling into his shirt.

“I couldn’t join the serpents Archie, not after finding out about my dad. What if I turned out just like him. What if…”

“Hey.” Archie interrupted her rambling, gripping her shoulders he pushed her back slightly so he could look into her eyes. “You are nothing like your dad Betty, you are so good and pure.” Betty shook her head furiously blinking back tears.

“Please don’t say that, you have no idea what I’ve done.” Betty pleaded, she wished she could tell Archie about giving Chic to the black hood but she doesn’t think she could handle the way he’d look at her if he knew. Archie’s hand moved from her shoulders, he reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Betty I’ve known you since we were little, there is not a bad bone in your body, no matter what you believe.” Archie’s hand trailed slowly down her neck before resting it once again on her shoulders, Betty’s stomach flipped and feelings she thought she’d buried deep down slowly started to resurface. Betty locked eyes with Archie, she could see just how much he believed what he was saying, he truly believed she was good. Her eyes flicked down to his mouth just as Archie’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. Without thinking about it Betty leaned forward and lightly pressed her lips to Archie’s, her lips lingered slightly before she pulled back, before she had managed to stand upright Archie’s lips were back on hers, his kiss was hard and all consuming, Betty’s back collided with the wall of the barn as Archie’s hands found their way into her hair. Betty brought her hands up to the back of Archie’s neck trying to bring Archie closer as if that were possible, her lungs were burning but she was reluctant to break the kiss. Archie broke away first, he pulled away slowly and rested his forehead on Betty’s, Betty slowly opened her eyes, Archie still had his eyes closed, his breathing was still fast and shallow like he was trying to get his breath back. Betty’s stomach flipped again, only this time she wasn’t sure it was just the moment causing it to flip. Her stomach flipped once more and Betty could feel the punch defying gravity and making its way upwards.

“Oh no.” Betty moaned, she lightly pushed Archie away and ran towards the bushes on the other side of the lawn, she only just made it before the entire contents of her stomach made an appearance. Betty dropped to her knees as the dry heaves rocked her body, she felt as fingers lightly grabbed her hair and pulled it back as the last of the heaves faded away. Betty wiped her mouth on the back of hand, it was the best she could do. She was pulled to her feet where she swayed slightly.

“Come on, lets get you home.” Archie said as he wrapped his arm around her waist and lead her down the grass verge and onto the main road. Betty stumbled most of the walk home, the fresh air seemed to have done the opposite of helping sober her up, and bringing up the nights worth of alcohol has done nothing to help either.

The bright light poured through the blinds straight onto Betty’s face. A large groan erupted from her as she tried to pry her eyes open, her mouth felt as dry as the Sahara desert and swallowing felt like she was swallowing razor blades. As she glanced round the room her eyes landed on a glass of water on the bedside table, a glass of water never looked so good to Betty. Sitting up Betty steadied herself as the rooms span, she took a deep gulp from the glass of water and willed it to stay down. Glancing down Betty could see she was still in last nights clothes with a small blanket thrown over, her shoes were placed neatly next to her dresser, from her spot on the bed she could see they were speckled with vomit. Betty strained to remember how she got home, last thing she could remember is arguing with Archie outside the barn. Betty’s stomach flipped and she ripped the blanket from her legs and darted towards the bathroom.

After a long shower and a deep cleansing of her mouth with a toothbrush Betty started to feel slightly more human. Walking back into her room Betty glanced out the window towards Archie’s, his blinds were open but she didn’t see any movement, it was still quite early so she deduced he was still in bed. Unable to remember anything past arguing with Archie, Betty hoped they didn’t leave it on bad terms, whilst she was glad to have finally aired her frustrations she hopes her and Archie can move passed this and become friends again. Movement from across the way caught Betty’s eyes and she looked over to find Archie standing in the window, she gave him a small smile and he raised his hand and gave a small wave back. Betty’s stomach dropped and images from the night before rushed before Betty’s eyes, there was clashing of teeth, vomiting in bushes, a deep sense of longing rushing forward. The smile dropped from Betty’s face, she remembered kissing someone last night, and not just a peck on the lips, was it Archie? He was the only person she remembered being with last night. Betty watched as Archie reached over and grabbed his phone, a few seconds later Betty’s phone pinged. She was reluctant to read the message, what if she did kiss Archie.

How’s the head this morning?? Betty breathed a sigh of relief at the casualness of the message, maybe she didn’t kiss Archie, maybe it was just a random guy and she confused him with Archie because that’s the last thing she can remember.

Sore. I’m never drinking again. Betty decided to keep it simple, no point rushing the gun when she’s not sure what happened.

;) what are you doing now?? Think we need to talk. Betty’s heart skipped a beat, she wondered what he could need to talk about, could her memories be true, she decided there was only one way to find out.

Nothing, come over if you want. Betty held her breath as she waited for Archie’s response.

Be right over. X

Betty wasn’t sure what to do with herself as she waited for Archie to come over. She threw her vomit covered shoes into the bathtub and straightened up the sheet on her bed before sitting down on it. She scrolled through her phone looking for any clues from the night before but came up empty, there were no calls or texts from anybody on there. Betty looked up at the sound of her bedroom door opening, Archie walked into her room and slowly closed the door behind him.

“That smirk tells me you didn’t have as much to drink as I did.” Betty joked, Archie’s smile got wider as he answered.

“Nope, two beers then I switched to water.” He looked far too smug with himself. “I did try to warn you.” He added.

“Yeah, that I remember.” Betty replied, she watched as Archie’s face fell.

“You don’t remember last night.” There was a hint of sadness in his voice, Betty decided to test the waters.

“Not really, just bits and pieces, throwing up in the bushes is coming through loud and clear.”

“Yeah, you really did have a lot to drink.” Archie reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “So you really don’t remember anything from last night?” Archie asked as he stepped further into Betty’s room.

“There’s bits and pieces coming back to me, do you know how I got home? I don’t remember getting in? That’s bad isn’t it?” Betty said as she played with the blanket spread over her bed. It was quite reckless of her to get in that state.

“I brought you home, after you threw up in the bushes I walked you home and put you to bed.” Archie walked over and sat on the end of Betty’s bed, folding his foot underneath him he turned and faced Betty. “So what’s the last thing you remember?” Betty looked up to meet his eyes before looking back down at the blanket, should she admit what she thought she remembered, what if she forced herself on Archie and made a complete fool of herself. Betty’s teeth sank into her bottom lip.

“Well, I remember talking to you outside, we managed to clear the air which I’m happy about, then, well,” Betty scrunched the blanket up with her fingers, this was proving more difficult than it should be. “I kinda remember kissing someone, I think I, kinda, kissed you?” It came out more of a question than a statement and Betty slowly raised her head to look at Archie through her lashes, she watched as he sheepishly nodded

“Oh god Archie, I’m so sorry.” Betty jumped up from the bed and walked into the middle of the room shoving her hands into her hair. “I didn’t mean, I shouldn’t have done that. God I’m such a bad person, how could I do this, you’re with Veronica. Oh my god Veronica! I kissed my best friends boyfriend, I’m such a shitty friend, fuck!” Archie walked over to Betty and grabbed her by the shoulder.

“Betty breathe.” He whispered calmly, how could he be so calm. “It’s ok.”

“How is it ok Archie?”she asked whilst looking into his eyes. “I’ve ruined everything, Veronica’s never gunna speak to me again, and she’ll probably stop us from seeing each other.”

“Betty, me and Veronica aren’t together.” Archie interrupted Betty’s rambling once again. Betty was stunned, she wasn’t quite sure what she just heard.

“What?” She asked trying to get clarification.

“Me and Veronica split up, we haven’t been together for almost a month now.”.

“But, why?” How could Betty not know this, why hadn’t Veronica said anything to her.

“There was too much drama, being part of the lodges was turning me into someone I didn’t like, Veronica was understanding, we’re still close, it’s just that we both know that it wouldn’t work out between us.”

“Oh.” Is all that Betty could say, she still doesn’t understand why Veronica would keep this from her. “Well that still doesn’t excuse what I did, you’re my best friend and I shouldn’t have forced myself on you.” Archie let out a laugh and took a step back.

“You’re really not remembering correctly if you think you forced yourself on me.” Betty looked at him with confusion etched on her face.

“I don’t understand.” Betty stated.

“I kissed you back Betty, do you honestly think you could force me to do that.”

“Well I…”

“You really don’t remember do you?”Archie interrupted. Betty felt guilty, while she remembered only bits and pieces she’s pretty sure she instigated the kiss.

“I..” Betty started but before she could finish her sentence Archie lunged forward and captured her lips with his. Stunned Betty just stood there and let Archie’s lips linger on hers, as he started to pull back Betty panicked, she wasn’t ready for the kiss to end yet, she reached up and locked her fingers into his hair and pulled him back on to her lips and began to kiss him back. The kiss deepened as they both battled for dominance, Archie’s hand tangled into Betty’s hair whilst the other hand landed at the bottom of her back, pulling her closer to him. The kiss was fast and passionate and Betty could feel a stirring deep in the pit of her stomach, pulling back for air Betty found herself panting with need, she placed a hand on Archie’s chest as she tried to catch her breath.

“Wow.” Is all Betty could say, she was shocked. “I don’t understand.” It was an honest statement. Betty had loved Archie for years but after he turned her down Betty lost all hope that anything would ever happen between them.

“I don’t either,” Archie replied “all I know is that when I kiss you, I don’t ever want to stop.” Betty smiled, kissing Archie felt right, she noted that while kissing Jughead felt amazing kissing Archie was on a whole other level, it was just so intense that it made her forget who she was.

“So where do we go from here?” Betty asked unsure what all this means and what they’re suppose to do now.

“Hmm, well I could kiss you again, if you’d like me too.”Archie said while a smirk played on his lips. Betty smiled back at him and reached up to capture his lips, she silently answered his question with a kiss.

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Woojin Soulmate Au

I wasn’t sure what to put on the collage, so it’s a bit make do, heh. Here’s Woojin~

• Your soulmate key is one of the rarest there is,

• Hundreds of years ago everyone was attached to their soulmate with a red string, their pinkies tied together,

• Only a few people could see the strings, and that’s where the trouble set in,

• Because there’s no fun if there isn’t any drama right?

• (That’s a lie, there’s plenty of fun in peace kids),

• The people who could see the strings where often forced to cut them and tie the wrong ones together by people who found someone who thought would be better than their soulmate, which always ended in heartbreak, 

• Or to tell people who they were connected to, which cursed the couple,

• They were people considered as powerful as Royalty,

• But then fate caught on and decided it should mix things up,

• Children began to be born with no red strings, but other soulmate keys, ones that can’t be tampered with,

• Evolution at its best really,

• But there’s still a small amount of people who still have red strings, and one of those people happen to be you,

• In theory it’s the best soulmate key right?

• I mean it should be but nope,

• There still seems to be some people out there that cut the strings,

• You where in a maths class in your last year of school,

• I mean you where begging for a distraction from trigonometry, 

• But you did not mean this,

• You where copying an equation when your hand jolted suddenly then the slight tension that was always there disappeared,

• You watched in horror as your string shrunk to just a frayed end tied to your finger,

• Either a complete douche had gotten bored and cut a random string,

• Or even worse, your soulmate had found someone they thought they could love more than you,

• (You don’t realise until later but maybe you don’t want a soulmate who’s that selfish),

• Your stomach felt like it does when you go into roller coasters, but there was no joy in this,

• Your throat seemed to close and you couldn’t breathe,

• All you could think was that you where never going to meet your soulmate,

• You’d heard stories of people like you, but it seemed so unreal,

• The person who was perfect for you, the person who you where made for, you where never going to meet them,

• Yeah, you didn’t go to school that week,

• You only went the next week because your friends told you there was a huge test, and you weren’t going to let your now non existent soulmate get in the way of good grades,

• Maybe you didn’t ace the test, but when word got around of what had happened, your teacher gave you some extra points, 

• It was the first time you cried over it because it finally sunk in,

• When everyone would be growing old with their soulmate,

• (Or those people who don’t grow old until they meet their soulmate would be living life young)

• You’d be growing old alone, maybe with a few cats or a couple of dogs, and small army of hamsters,

• Okay maybe not totally alone,

• This would be the part when you would slip into a long depression, and start to live life as a recluse writer that only published heart break stories,

• As much as that seemed appealing to you, you literally couldn’t despite how much you tried,

• And you tried,

• (A girl’s allowed to feel sorry for herself okay),

• Your friends where always taking you to see a new film or to walk their dog or to go biking together,

• Or they’d sit silently in your room with you and simply reassure you with their presence,

• In a world that centers around romantic love, you found the magic in platonic love,

• Although there may be no key, you became a firm believer in platonic soulmates, because you’d definitely found yours,

• So yeah, you didn’t get to be a mysterious recluse, you carried life on like normal,

• Although you felt happy for 2 soulmates when they met, you couldn’t help but be envious as well,

• How could you not though?

• Don’t we all want things we can’t have?

• Everyone always does this thing where they apologize although they’ve done nothing wrong?

• It always makes you feel awkward and a lil sad,

• You just need to keep thinking that if you didn’t get cut off you wouldn’t have found the beauty of friendships so amazing,

• But one day you’re at a cafe waiting for a friend and you spot him,

• A boy who also has a red string,

• The first time you’ve ever seen someone with the same key as you,

• And that string is also frayed and snapped,

• You almost scream,

• Are you all cursed or something?

• You contemplate starting a support group but then you realise you’d have to attend and it puts you off,

• You sit yourself down in the chair opposite him, no plan at all,

• You would panic but it seems you’ve lost your mind so there’s no use,

• “So, how many times have you lied about your key to avoid questions and condolences?”

• Yeah you’re straight forward, but you’ve always craved to not have to tip toe around the subject,

• To talk do someone like you with no barriers,

• So you’re projecting your feelings into others, that’s totally healthy.  . .

• He looks up at you with complete confusion first, eyebrows scrunched adorably,

• But he looks so tired and lonely and your heart aches,

• But then his eyes drift to your pinky, where you’re swirling the snapped piece of string around your other fingers, something you always did you ground yourself,

• His eyes light up a little and he half smiles, you take it as a breakthrough,

• “I’ve lost count, you?”

• Not gunna lie, you nearly always do,

• But who tells the truth nowadays anyway?

• Not you, nope,

• The conversation doesn’t exactly flow, with brief gaps and silences, but it’s so refreshing to find yourself completely free to talk and relate to someone,

• You find out Woojin just woke up one day with his string broken,

• And he did take the recluse lifestyle,

• But you won’t let him continue no matter how easy it is to let him,

• You become someone your friends where to you,

• You constantly ask him on ice cream dates or to sleep round because you’re lonely,

• You found your tactic -

 • Woojin will do anything to make sure you don’t feel the same sadness as him,

• So if you say you’re lonely or feel lost

• (Which is only a lie 50% of the time)

• He’ll head straight over, and both of you benefit,

• You slowly manage to bring Woojin back to life,

• You remember the first time you got him properly laugh,

• You had begged him to go 2 person kayaking with you for weeks,

• (You said you had no one to go with and he gave in quickly enough),

• You guys where floating along until you thought you saw something in the water, leaned over to look and capsized the both of you,

• You Remember scrambling to get back into the small kayak, but stopping dead when you saw Woojin,

• He was clinging onto the boat opposite you and he just cracked up laughing,

• He has a snaggletooth?!?!?

• What is this angel music? Why had it been blocked for years?

• You’re ready to fight whoever cut Woojins string because his soulmate is seriously missing out,

• You feel awful, but your kind of glad his string was cut,

• From that point on you’re sucker,

• You bring Woojin back to earth and you discover he’s just a huge dork, not some mysterious figure,

• You’re sat on some swings, waiting to watch the sun rise because you’ve always wanted to and you dragged Woojin along,

• You watch the pink glow mix with the orange and blues and - 

• “Hey Y/N, I’m not glad I got my string cut, but sometimes I think it’s not so bad anymore,”

• You cry and he panics and doesn’t understand but that one phrase means the whole world to you,

• It means you’ve brightened someone’s world to the point they don’t feel alone anymore,

• And it kind of knocks the breath out of you,

• The falling feeling you had since your string was cut decreases significantly and you feel happy,

• Well and truly happy for the first time in years,

• He wraps his arms around you as you cry with happiness, his warmth a comfort you slowly get used to,

• You don’t know what the love for a soulmate feels like, but if it’s anything like what you feel for Woojin it’s overpowering and incredible, 

 • You two never discuss a relationship but you just fall into a conventional couples routine,

• You move in together and sleep in the same bed so you two never feel lonely together,

• You always tell each other you love each other, it isn’t labeled as which sort of love but it doesn’t matter,

• You snuggle under blankets and kiss each other sweetly, a physical contact that makes butterflies float in your stomach,

• You both aim to cheer each other up even when you need it yourself,

•Both total dorks together that joke and act like kids and although you had an old heart at a young age, you make each other youthful again,

• (Because you both deserve the happiness this soulmate au deprived you of),

• Sure you’re both a type of broken, but you’re broken in such a way you fit together anyway,

• Things aren’t perfect, you disagree and occasionally argue, but from this you get to enjoy the happy moments in a way people who never have downfalls wouldn’t understand,

• You may not be soulmates, but you still hold pieces of the other in your hearts,

• Maybe you have a different red string, one that tangles and knots, but is still there,

• You’re unconventional with no solid lines on what things mean or what you are to each other, people often don’t understand your relationship,

• But none of it matters when you no longer feel the loss or loneliness,

• Because you have someone to grow old with,

• And whether that’s romantically or something else entirely, doesn’t matter in the slightest

((I actually had a different version of this written up but then I deleted it all and started again, so here we are, hope you enjoyed~))

[amarmeme]

For the sex prompts would you do 4 for cass x varric? (I'm weak for those two)

Oh, I am so sorry this took so long to get to. Life intervened, as it usually does. However, to attempt to make up for it, this is very long and very nsfw. 

Most of it under the cut: Kissing to stay quiet. 

They couldn’t sit still any longer. The sun had set hours ago, but only minutes had passed since the the rest of the party retired from the campfire, the Inquisitor and Vivienne falling into silence and settling in their tent. Cassandra and Varric crept slowly off their bedrolls, glad for the cover of darkness, but cautious to make noise. In the beginning, sharing a tent allowed the Seeker to keep an eye on her charge, but now Cassandra was thankful for the precedent. For so long the two had paired off at night that no one remarked upon it. Even though no one else knew their secret, it was of utmost importance they kept it so.

Cassandra slipped on her boots as deftly as possible. The rumblings of Varric getting situated behind her were ludicrously loud, though in her paranoid state even her own breathing seemed like thunderclaps. She wanted to hush him, but the possibility of giving them away wasn’t worth the satisfaction of hissing between her teeth. Instead, Cassandra slipped out of the canvas tent as sneakily as she could, tiptoeing carefully over the stone floor of the ruined temple. The scout on watch had her back toward the tents, looking down the slope at the thick forest. The dark-haired elf stood stock-still in one of the arched remains, oblivious to Cassandra sneaking away. Cassandra thanked Andraste for for small blessings, following the line of the cliff wall and darting behind the resting wolf statue that guarded their camp. Varric would be proud of her stealth, a silent threat at last without her armor.

The forest floor was covered in leaves and twigs and plenty of opportunities to make a sound. Cassandra tried her best to tread lightly, stumbling up against a few large rocks and roots before her eyes adjusted to the dark. Moonlight dappled the ground through the breaks in the trees and soon enough she found the spot they’d agreed upon earlier. She waited there in the shelter of an enormous root that erupted from the ground in a great arc, half of it buried against a grassy slope. The space beneath was large enough to comfortably fit Cassandra seated, legs crossed beneath her. Whatever the root had grown over had long since rotted away. The small cavern it provided was perfect for a tryst.

Varric was coming; she was sure of that. The fact didn’t stop her from feeling quite silly waiting in the dark in the middle of the Emerald Graves. Before she could consider getting up and begin searching for him, a pair of scuffed boots and thick dwarven legs blocked her already obfuscated view into the clearing.

Varric crouched. “Aren’t you a beautiful sight.”

She shushed him, then whispered. “It is dark. You can barely see.”

“No, you can barely see,” he said. “My eyes are just fine. I’ve finally found a dwarven perk.”

He was so loud. Cassandra tried shushing him, but he ignored her. Varric began to speak again, but Cassandra yanked him close, kissing him in order to keep him silent. He reciprocated, tongue invading her mouth while he pushed her back against the cavern wall. Cassandra dropped her hands from his tunic in order to scoot on her palms. Varric crowded her, untucking her shirt from her trousers as he pressed in. He kissed her hotly, roughly, biting her lower lip and eliciting a loud moan that sprang from deep within her chest.

“Hey, I thought we were being quiet,” he teased. Cassandra grabbed his shoulders in response and rolled over him, pushing him down to the soft grass floor, straddling his legs as she sat on top.

“I don’t wish to be caught out,” she admitted, staring down at him.

“Ah, Cass. We’re out here so you can make all the noise you want. I promise, no one’s gunna hear you.”

It was easy to see his grin in the dim, moonlit space. Cassandra wanted to kiss it. Varric’s hands ran up and down her arms. The warmth of his touch was both calming and invigorating; Cassandra’s heart pounded in her chest, the steady beat felt clearly between her thighs as well. He had a point. They were far from camp. What was the point in sneaking off if they couldn’t enjoy it?

Cassandra bent forward and cupped his jaw, pouring all of her desire into a searing kiss, tongues dancing delicately, breaths shared gratefully. All the secrecy, the careful planning and patience was paying off. They were finally together after days of traveling.

Varric guided her shirt over her back. She raised her arms and let him pull up as far as he could before she finished the process herself, crumpling the fabric into a ball and tossing it to the corner. She dove back to his mouth and rough palms raced up over her bare back, tracing her spine. Cassandra moved her hips, rutting into him hastily. He chuckled, saying something smart about ‘eagerness’ until she grabbed him where she’d been pressing. Varric groaned, dropping his head back completely as she weaseled open his stays with one hand.

Cassandra scooted backwards on her knees, peeling off his breeches as she went. Varric spoke incoherently, praising and begging all together in a rush of syllables. It was her turn to chuckle.

“It seems I am not the only eager one, Varric.” She took him in hand again, palm wrapped around the firm width of him. Giving his cock a few strokes, she dipped her head forward, mouth slightly open. She was close enough to touch with the dart of her tongue. Varric breathed heavy, hands creeping to grab onto her. She flicked her tongue, licking the tip of his cock. Hips shifted beneath her and Cassandra stilled him with her free hand.

“Don’t move,” she warned.

“Yea, Seeker. Whatever you want just–”

She took him in her mouth and Varric fell blessedly silent. She needed no instruction. Cassandra swirled her tongue around his girth, one hand gripped the base as she cherished the hot flesh. The first time she’d taken the position she’d grimaced, unclear how it could be anything other than degrading, but his utter abandon and heated moans had done absolutely wonderful things to her: gut clenching, fire in her veins. Cassandra squirmed, eager to take him elsewhere. She throbbed, a pulse of desire he had to have felt. Varric’s fingers threaded in her hair, knocking her braid free. It brushed her chest, tickling overly sensitive skin. She bobbed, twisting her palm around him as she sucked up and down his shaft.

She only wanted for more light. To see his eyes turn molten brown, watch them squeeze shut, overwhelmed by sensation. A few ragged breaths stuttered out as she grazed her teeth gently against him.

“Fuck. Get up here,” he begged.

Varric pulled at her shoulders, beneath her arms, as she moved forward. Their lips met again, pent-up passion flowing freely, hotly. Her hips snapped down, trapping his cock against her wetness. Her desire surged when his tongue chased her own. She wiggled against him, enticing him to move, to thrust inside her. After a few torturous passes he did, lifting and slipping inside in rapid succession, thrusting hard enough to make her gasp.

“Varric!” She laughed in surprise.

His hands locked on her sides, thumbs pressed into hipbones. He nipped her breast and she swore, pushing her palms flat against his broad chest. Her powerful legs engaged in warfare, dropping down and rising up again to tease him. The press of his thumbs was almost painful, and the hiss escaping between his teeth seemed it too. The slick, intoxicating glide served to ramp them both further up. Cassandra dug her fingertips into his skin, pushing aside the ‘v’ of his open tunic as she lowered herself down and up, again and again.

“Truce,” he said, prying up her fingers after the nails bit into his skin. “Rock into me, I want to feel you come.”

Heat flushed through her, suffused her chest and cheeks. Cassandra’s ears grew hot, and were no doubt red.  After all the times they’d made love, his words should have seemed normal, but they shocked her each time. She could never come up with something so… vulgar. At least not say it out loud.

“I’m making you blush, aren’t I?” He swept a knuckle against her cheek. She knocked it away.

“I thought dwarves could see in the dark?”

“It’s not like I can pull colors out of the dark. What I can see though…” He cupped her breasts, rolled her nipples with the calloused pad of his thumb. She arched into his touch.

“Come on,” he urged. “Ride me until you’re screaming, Seeker.”

“Varric,” she said, shocked again. Embarrassed again.

“What? You love it when I talk like this. That’s why I agreed to plod through the fucking woods after you. I would have been fine staying in the clean, dry tent instead of twigs poking my ass.”

She rolled her eyes. “You poor man.”

He offered no retort and Cassandra rewarded the good behavior with movement. She rode him, the press of their bodies rubbing against her swollen flesh. He grabbed her ass, helping her rock forward. Cassandra’s breath came faster as she felt the intangible flicker of pleasure begin to build. She dipped her forehead to his, braid falling between them, and closed her eyes in order to concentrate, solely on sensation. His hard cock inside of her, the tight squeeze, the fullness and slickness between her legs, the sound of sex. She whimpered, pleasure climbing to an impossible precipice. The fall would be great.

Varric grunted, swearing under his uneven breath. He tweaked a nipple and she keened, the dual sensations above and below meeting in her core and sparking a wildfire that rampaged through her body. It was so exquisite.

“I’m coming,” she shouted. Birds flew out of trees, hallas fled the scene. 

“Ah, sweet fuck, Cass.” He surged into her, coming at the same time, cock pulsing. Cassandra kissed him again, stealing his dirty curses before they could pop out and ruin the moment. He clutched her against his chest.

They laid together for a few moments after, in complete and total silence. The sounds of the woods surrounded them, wind rustling through leaves, night creatures creeping unseen, returning to their homes. Cassandra whispered against his neck, enjoying the privacy and intimacy their little cave provided.

“Should we – again? It may be some time before we can get away.”

She could feel Varric’s grin. “Nah, Seeker. Not here. My back’s killing me.”

Cassandra pursed her lips, about to protest, when he put a finger to them. “I’d rather take you back and do it all over again in camp. On a bedroll. Except then you’ll really have to try to keep both of us quiet.”

She shivered and her insides squirmed at the idea. It would be almost impossible, an insurmountable challenge, but she never backed down from those before. Maybe a little risk was worth it. They’d come this far without anyone knowing after all.

“I think I’d like that, Varric. More than I should admit.”

I know elves are supposedly good at seeing in the dark (or is that a carried away hc?), but shouldn’t dwarves be too? 

[mysticalcrusadementality]

Scars Along My Heart chtpr-2 What Did We Do?

Before you start reading I just wanted to leave a link for this story on Ao3, I still haven’t fixed the text problem here so it’ll probably get really confusing trying to figure out who’s thoughts belong to whom

~}{~

Waking up felt so strange, especially because she never remembered falling asleep. Her mind swam as it rode down the muddled river of nothingness, bobbing just beneath the waves for a few moments longer before the darkness receded and her head broke the surface. The first thing Frisk noticed even before she opened her eyes was that she was on the ground, her right cheek and side pressed against something hard and unforgiving as it bit into her skin. Wait skin? I don’t have any… Yes I do, what am I…

Where did that thought come from? Why would she think she didn’t have any kind of flesh? Confused and more than a bit afraid the girl opened her eyes to see that she was indeed lying in the middle of one of Waterfall’s many hallways. The sensation of water seeping into her clothes serving as further proof that she was in the last place she remembered being. Sighing in relief she pushed herself up, or at least she tried to as almost immediately her arms gave out from under her. “Ouch!” she yelped as her head smacked against the stone. “Oh great, that’s just brilliant I can’t even lift myself up!” “God what was I thinking, as if these abysmal gelatinous appendages could do anything… ” “Hold on since when do I talk like—and why would my arms be…?” Finally looking down at herself Frisk screamed, well it sounded like her. “WHAT IN ASGORE’S NAME IS GOING ON? WHAT IS THIS?” Acting on what seemed like its own accord her body shot up, no doubt the adrenaline it was feeling giving strength to her sore limbs. “I’M OUT OF THAT INSUFFERABLE ROOM FOR ONCE AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENES.” Out of the—“Gaster?” Her eyes wide as her most recent memories of meeting the melancholy monster rushed back to her like a torrent in the middle of a tropical storm. “It that, you?” There’s a pregnant pause there, no sound except for the constant drip of condensation as it falls from the countless stalactites above. Then she feels her mouth open just a crack and in an uncertain tone she hears own voice say, “Yes.” “Do you know who I am?” she asked just as nervous. “I do,” he answered. “You are the young lady that was able to enter my room. I believe you said your name is Frisk, correct?” “Yeah that’s right, good to know neither of us forgot that part of our meeting. Now for the most important question: what happened to us?” “I’m not entirely sure,” said Gaster as he coaxes her head to look up into the shimmering crystals the monsters used as a substitute for the night sky. It’s strange, bizarre really as the young woman questions why it doesn’t bother her more that this strange being seems to have such casual control over her body. I don’t get it; if this were that homicidal spirit I’d be flipping the fuck out. I should be, I don’t even know this guy but I’m not, I’m… calm. “I beg your pardon?” Frisk jumped, not expecting the question, “Oh I’m sorry I spaced out on you, did you say something?” Wow is that weird to ask when the other person is literally using your mouth to speak. And was it her imagination or did she feel one of the corners of her mouth perk up slightly? “No but I did hear something,” he paused again, this time bringing her hands up and folding them neatly on her lap. “I greatly apologies because I know how private one’s thoughts are, however due to our current predicament I couldn’t help but to overhear something about a… spirit?” “Oh them,” the woman breathed as she drummed the fingers resting on her right thigh. “I’ll be honest with you and say that this, isn’t the first time I’ve had a voice other than my own in my head.” “I see, that would explain the damaged soul I found latching onto yours like a parasite,” the last word almost a growl as he made her features twist into a frown. “What a horrid creature one would have to be to have a soul so black.” “Tell me about it,” the girl smirked. “Speaking of souls, what did you do back there? All I remember is being in so much pain, you brought out our souls, they touched and then nothing.” The young woman swore if she never had to look back on that moment for the rest of her life it would be too soon. Just thinking about what the voice was able to do to her sent a shiver down her spine. In an effort to distract herself from anymore of those thoughts she turned her focus to the tingling in her legs, wincing at the sensation of pins and needles as she shifted the lead-like limbs into a more comfortable position. The former scientist is acutely aware of the tension the topic brings her as she fidgets, the feelings of apprehension she likely doesn’t want him to know about, but pick up through their new bond regardless. It stalls him for a few seconds before he replies in what he hopes is a soothing manner; “I was attempting to expel them from your being.” “Really? I didn’t even know that was possible.” “It is in theory. It amazes me really that against a human soul, be it as disfigured as your “voice’s” was that mine did not shatter upon impact with it.” SLAP Once again the atmosphere went quiet, the sharp snap of flesh hitting itself echoing off the cavern walls long after the deed had been done. With palm still stinging Gaster brought the offending hand to their shared left cheek, the surface somehow smarting even more so at the feather light touch. “W-what is the meaning of this!” the former skeleton man shouted. “Why would you harm your own body?” “Don’t play dumb with me Gaster.” The other being within her stilled, frozen by the ice that laced her words, a stark contrast to the usually warm timber their voice had whether she or himself used it. “From what little I’ve seen it’s clear we share more than just a mind, my pain is yours and I’m sure as hell going to use that to my advantage to knock some sense into you if you even THINK of doing something as stupid as that again!” she screamed. Her fists clenched by the end of her rant, the knuckles white in their iron grip and a single tear sliding down from the corner of her right eye. Her new companion remained silent, so shocked by the girl’s rapidly changing emotions that he couldn’t bring himself to speak out loud. “You could have died,” whispered Frisk, her shoulders trembling as she fought back the remaining tears that stung her eyes. “You could have died trying to help me, to help someone you didn’t even know for more than an minute and you talk about it like it’s the same as catching a flowerpot at the last minute before it breaks. Does your life really mean so little to you?” Frisk I… I’m sorry. Truthfully after my accident I didn’t feel like I was alive at all, just a phantom watching the world go by without me for so long that I… I wouldn’t have minded if I completely disappeared. Despite herself the young woman smiled as she responded through their link, I forgive you. Just please never do that again. I promise, he told her as he brought her hand up to wipe away some of the tears that had managed to sneak through. Now I think it’s time to move on, we’ve been here long enough. I couldn’t agree more. The two would lying if they said getting up hadn’t been difficult, on top of the fact that Gaster had almost forgotten what it was like to pilot a solid stable form, Frisk was the first to notice how different her body felt. Her form felt heavier, stiffer than what it should be and thus the cause of a few falls as a result. After they had managed to balance on both feet the two really got a chance to look down at themselves; first at their flesh covered hands that had been what initial sent the former scientist into a panic. At first glance they looked like normal human hands, but they weren’t the ones that she knew. On each palm was a circular scar with a matching mark on the back, as if they had been run through at some point and never fully healed. The fingers were a bit longer, thinner to the point they were done right boney and if that weren’t enough to confirm her suspicions that Gaster was indeed a skeleton monster, than it was the exposed bone of each knuckle and joint that did it. They moved on to their legs, the only other expanse of bare skin on their body which upon closer inspection, showed a similar change as both patella were now visible. It was more than likely that the changes didn’t stop there, but neither of them was particularly keen on the idea of sacrificing their decorum just to satisfy their curiosity. Though one thing was for certain, it wasn’t just Frisk’s body anymore. Instead they chose to shift their attention towards their clothing. The once loose fitting shorts now hugged their hips and thighs, her blue and magenta striped sweater that had been nearly two sizes too big now fit their form perfectly and other than the new tightness of their boots they found there was only one other change to their wardrobe. A black trench coat that hung from their shoulders. The girl couldn’t help the amused chuckle that slipped from their mouth at the sudden surge of excitement from her companion. I’m gunna go out on a limb here and say this belongs to you, doesn’t it? Her chuckle became a hearty laugh, as Gaster’s only response was to slip both arms through the sleeves and straighten the collar. I’m glad you’re happy, now lets get out of here. And so they began their trek through Waterfall, their first steps awkward and slow but filled with determination. They knew it wasn’t going to be easy, however as they continued to put one foot in front of the other, neither could say they were afraid because whatever came their way they wouldn’t have to face it alone.

[snapshotxdelrusso]

stuck || sebco

Who: @fabsmythe & @snapshotxdelrusso

When: 31st January 

Notes: Franco is having a panic attack and Sebastian comes to check on him. Conversations lead to a potential future

Triggers: Abuse, Sex is assumed and Panic Attacks

It wasn't easy getting to Franco's apartment. At least it was more tedious than normal. In fact, Sebastian had broken a lot of rules getting there but he didn't care. Eventually, he started shouting at his driver in French and his driver finally gave into the horror that Sebastian was putting on her. He arrived at Franco's nearly 45 minutes after the last message. It wasn't something that he wanted, but it was the best he could do. He shifted out of the car seat and tapped the window. He gave a command and the driver went away. Sebastian pulled his hoodie over his head and walked up the stairs. He knocked at the door and then tried the handle to see if it was unlocked. "It's me." Sebastian shouted.

Franco had left the door unlocked when he'd gotten the news and he was sat on the floor, tears running down his face as he struggled to breath properly, "H...Her..re" he managed to get out as he rocked a little, he didn't feel like a strong person, he felt weak and pathetic and he wanted to scream and shout but he couldn't even find his words anymore

When Sebastian opened the door without the other, immediately, he ran to Franco's side, leaving the door to shut him self. He reached into his pocket and was about to call 911. "Hey, hey, monsieur." Sebastian cooed in a soft tone. "I'm here." He moved quickly to wrap the other in his arms.

Franco fell into Sebastian's arms, "Don't call for help" he spoke, his voice shaking, "I can't go back to hospital" he whispered, "Please don't make me go back"

Sebastian put his phone face down on the floor and attempted to lift up the other. He was careful in his support as he brought the other to the bed so that they weren't on the floor. Sebastian kept his arms around the other. A body guard came up and discretely closed the door to the apartment. Sebastian peeked out before focusing his attention on the other.

Franco let Sebastian move him to the bed as his body felt like it wanted to give up. He was sad, he felt like he couldn't make the decision himself and he clung to Sebastian like his life depended on it

Sebastian's fist twisted into Franco's shirt, making sure that he had the best grip on him. Using all the strength he had, Sebastian pulled him close so that he could feel Franco's body warmth next to his. His other hand, he used to rub the other's back gently.

Franco's hands were balled into fists, his head buried into Sebastian's shoulder as he tried to calm himself down, "Why can't he just admit what he did" he spoke, his voice shaking and quivering, "Why is he putting me through this"

Sebastian was glad that Franco was on his left side. "Because he's ruthless baby doll. It's okay. It'll be over soon, it'll be over soon." Sebastian's voice turned softer than usual.

Franco wanted to scream at the world, wanted to fight anyone who came near him but instead, he sat clutching someone he felt like he'd forced into all this, "I'm sorry you have to deal with this"

"Shhh." Sebastian cooed. "Focus on yourself. It's all going to be okay." Sebastian's long slender fingers smoothed through the younger man's hair. Still, Sebastian kept his fist balled into Franco's shirt and his body encompassing the other, using his large tall body as an advantage.

Franco felt like he was breaking, "I just don't get it... How can he say I was happy?" he asked, his tears slowing, "I was never happy Sebastian, I wasn't happy"

"Exactly, nobody is going to see that." Sebastian reminded him. "They're going to know he's a liar just by looking at you." Sebastian rocked their bodies gently, making sure that it was completely controlled. "This wasn't your fault and you don't deserve it."

"It was though. When they ask why I entered into a relationship, they won't believe me when I say he was gunna fire me, everyone said he seemed like such a good person" Franco explained as he felt Sebastian's hands on him, "That I was making it up"

Very naturally, Sebastian unballed his fist, moved his arm down Franco's arm and twisted his hand into the other's and kept his motion going. "And they're wrong." Sebastian reminded. "You're not making it up and they're going to all say that. But you know what it was really like."

"If no one believes me, he walks free" Franco said, defeated as he pushed himself backwards, letting himself rest against the headboard as he kept a grip on Sebastian's hand, "And I have to move again"

Sebastian knew how these things worked. He watched it happen so many times and he was even asked to come defend somebody. This is what they did. "I believe you. And if you can convince me, I think you can convince them. You're not alone."

Franco sighed as he watched Sebastian, "Look, I can't pretend that I am OK and I gotta hope the courts see I am not" he whispered as his hands started to slow on the shaking and his breathing started to level out, "I'm scared"

"Honey, nobody needed a detective to tell that you're not okay." Sebastian stated. "I know, but I'm here for you. I'll protect you."

"Yeah but they need to believe I'm not OK" he whispered, "And I've been trying to pretend I am. I don't wanna be weak anymore"

Sebastian squeezed his hand and listened. Maybe there was something he wasn't hearing or something he wasn't thinking of. "What do you want to do?"

"What do you mean" he asked, looking up wide-eyed to the other, "What do you mean, what do I wanna do?"

"I mean, what do you want to do about this?" Sebastian asked.

"About New York?" He asked.

"The whole thing?" Sebastian asked. "What do you want the end result to be?"

"I want him to go to prison" he said with a nod, "I want him to never be able to touch me again" he whispered

At the answer, Sebastian nodded. "How can we put this hussy in jail then?"

"I don't know. I have to make sure they believe me" he whispered

Sebastian grumbled as he leaned in to hear the other. "What did you say?" Sebastian asked.

Franco looked up, "I have to make sure people believe me" he spoke again, "You really wanna come with me?"

This time, Sebastian made sure to tilt his head left to hear him better. "I really want to come with you." Sebastian told him in confidence.

Franco nodded, "Then I'll go" he spoke with a nod, "I'll go as long as you come"

"I booked the flight already." His lips curled into a sweet smile for him. "I even saved a seat for you in first class if you want it."

Franco gave a soft laugh, "You got me a seat in first class?" He asked with a bite of his lip

"Yes sir." Sebastian told him. "have you ever been in 1st class?"

"I was never allowed to book my own flights so what do you think" he said with a smile

"What man would ever allow his boyfriend to sit in that sort of filth of public class?" Sebastian puckered his lips. Maybe this was bad taste, but Sebastian couldn't help himself.

Franco raised am eyebrow, "Erm, the kinda man who would kick the crap out of me" he spoke with a gulp, "Can I ask you something?"

"You already did." Sebastian answered.

Franco shook his head, "It's fine, I won't ask" he spoke with a nod

Sebastian laughed. "Love, don't hang me like that."

Franco closed his eyes, "Would you... Would like... Would you be interested in going on a date with me?" He said, the words hard to come out after everything with Jake

Sebastian was a bit thrown off by this. He didn't think that was the direction. He puckered his lips at the question and tilted his head. A smile curled on his face. "I would love too." He eventually answered.

Franco was stunned he'd not thought Sebastian would be interested, "For real?"

Sebastian's toes hung over the edge of the bed. Even though Franco had a large bed, Sebastian still couldn't fit properly on it. It was one of those unfortunate things. Sebastian put his leg in between Franco's legs and hummed. "Even though I have a hearing issue, it seems like I have to repeat myself a lot." He said in a teasing manner. "And this cute little innocent school boy excitement, super hot."

Franco found the position odd, he'd not laid in bed with anyone since Jake and he gripped Sebastian's hand, "I'm sorry, I second guess myself a lot" he admitted, "Cute innocent school boy is kinda what you get with me"

Sebastian couldn't help the giddy laugh that evolved out of his throat. He let go of Franco's hand and went up to stroke through Franco's smooth hair. "Well, lucky me then." He responded. "And how about you tell me about what kind of date you'd like to go on?"

Franco moved his head into Sebastian's hand, wanting to feel the man's touch, "I don't know. Maybe like, dinner and a stroll through the park?" he offered. He'd not really done dates before so he was basing it on the cheesy movies he's seen.

"Classy." Sebastian commented, his grin huge on his face. It's been a while since he had attempted to really date anybody. Mostly one night stands, but really, Sebastian didn't really know what to make of it either. "Maybe a nice Italian Restaurant, fine wine?" He said, egging on the thoughts that would take the other away from his troubles.

Franco nodded, "Italian would be perfect, I haven't had good Italian since I left Italy" he smiled as he looked to the other, "Then we could find a nice little spot or we could get a car to the beach and take a stroll along and watch the waves?"

Sebastian hummed with Franco. "Love, what if it was in Italy?" Sebastian thought aloud. He was of course completely serious. "Do you have your passport love?"

Franco's jaw dropped, "In Italy? Like actually going to Italy for a date?" he asked, not sure if that was normal, "Well yeah, I fly all the time so I have to have my passport"

"Why not love?" Sebastian asked him. "From New York, we just to Italy and we send a week in genuine leather and floating down the river, leasing this miserable country behind us."

"Cause no one has ever asked me to go to Italy with them before" he said quietly, "After New York, sounds like a good time to go, god knows I'll need it"

Sebastian brushed his cheek with the other as sort of a butterfly kiss. "Love, don't get to use to it, because you have the most alluring surprises."

"Alluring surprises? What does that mean?" he asked with a frown, his issues with words showing now.

"Alluring means seductive." Sebastian answered as he continued to brush through Franco's hair.

"So you give seductive surprises or I gotta learn too?" he asked, still moving his head into Sebastian's hand

"No." Sebastian snorted. His hand showed as he pressed his smiling face into Franco's. "I mean it's sexy to see you surprised."

"Oh right" he said with a nod, "Your face is really close to mine" he said with a slight whisper, licking his lip

Sebastian tilted his left ear up again. "What?" Sebastian asked.

"Your face" he said a little louder, "It's really close to mine" he spoke as he bit down on his lip

Sebastian nodded. "It is." Sebastian leaned his face and let their lips match. He puckered his lips out to capture the other's perfectly.

Franco felt the breath leave him as Sebastian kissed him. The man was gentle, which is what he needed right now with his wounds and he kissed back, his hands moving so they could touch Sebastian, "Thank you" he spoke against the others lips

Sebastian chuckled against the other's lips before he dove deeper into the kiss, squeezing his eyes shut. His large hands went to Franco's body to feel over the bumps and bruises he had. "You're going to strong for this." Sebastian told him. "I know you can."

"I can do it if I got people who believe in me" he breathed as he kissed the other back, for once not ashamed of his scars

"I believe you. And in my line of work, you have to admit that there are a lot of snakes."

Franco nodded, "Lots of snakes, Jake just topped the chart"

"Agreed love." Sebastian's neck relaxed onto the pillow. He started to stroke Franco's cheek. He bent his leg up so that his shoes were no longer dangling over the edge of the bed. He adjusted himself so that he was a bit more comfortable, realising he hadn't moved since he had come in to put Franco on the bed

Franco sighed into the touch, "I never imagined being able to lay like this with someone again"

Sebastian tilted his head to Franco with a sly smile on his face. "Oh? Well, looks like somebody was wrong." Sebastian said bluntly. "And really? With that handsome mug?"

Franco gave a little laugh, "Yeah looks like I was. I just never thought I'd get past the Jake thing. Handsome, me... Don't be silly"

"Seriously, this whole bashful act is completely sexy." Sebastian cooed as he looked down at the other.

Franco shook his head, "I'm not even sure what you mean right now" he said bashfully

Sebastian snickered and wrapped himself around Franco again. He hugged him tighter than normal and leaned into his ear to whisper. "You're too much." Sebastian then turned Franco's mouth so that he could engulf his mouth. Sebastian merged carefully, moving his hands under Franco's shirt.

Franco felt his eyes flutter as the other kissed him hard and the hand went up his shirt, "God, your touch" he spoke out, "Crave your touch"

Sebastian continued his actions. He couldn't quite hear what the other was saying, he wasn't pushing and shoving at him to stop. He moved so that he was on top of the other, putting his hand all over Franco's trim body. Even though it was bruised, Sebastian was excited to feel the smooth patches of skin. Soon, his slender fingers moved into Franco's pant, reaching for his smooth cute butt that Sebastian would discreetly look at while they were together.

Franco was groaning at the actions and when Sebastian went to his pants, he gasped out, "Feels so nice, gentle hands" he breathed out, hands coming up to Sebastian's hair as he kissed the other

Very carefully, Sebastian pressed on, kissing all over Franco's body. Even as they glided into more in depth territory, Sebastian moved slowly and with as much control as he could muster. 

--------------- SEX ASSUMED ---------------

At the finish, Sebastian fell on over on the large mattress, bare naked. He moaned with satisfaction as his breathe started to calm down.

Franco had enjoyed himself and Sebastian was super gentle with him. He was panting when they were done and he sighed as he took a breath, "That was amazing" he spoke, remembering not to whisper

"I know." Sebastian breathed out. "It was me." He couldn't help but laugh at his own boosting. "And you were also fantastic." As their bodies cooled off, Sebastian went to pull the sheets over them. He also put his arm underneath Franco's and brought him close.

Franco moved into Sebastian and he took the overs hand, bringing it onto his chest, "So erm... What does this mean?"

Sebastian leaned his head onto the pillow. "It doesn't have to mean anything love." Sebastian told him. "Or it can mean whatever you want it to mean."

Franco paused, "I meant for us?"

"I know. That's what I meant." Sebastian opened his bright green eyes. "It means what you want it to mean."

Franco shook his head, "I don't know... I don't know what it means cause I don't wanna get hurt again but I don't wanna watch you go around with loads of other people"

Sebastian sighed out. How had he got caught up in this so fast? Maybe it was just the fact that he wanted to help Franco so much? He rubbed his temple. "I've attempted exclusive before, and let me tell you, it doesn't work out so much. But, I will make an effort for you." Sebastian finally told him. He knew it would hurt him if Sebastian wasn't truthful from the beginning. Plus, the other had to know from multiple tabloids that Sebastian wasn't exactly made for monogamy.

Franco sighed, "Don't do it then" he said with a nod, "I can get over it. I don't wanna convenience you". He took a gulp and rolled onto his side, "I'm not gunna make you give up your lifestyle just cause I need someone Sebastian"

Even though Sebastian was known for his ruthlessness, he still felt a tinkle of guilt whenever things like this happened. He pressed his lips together as he watched the other flipped over. He thought for a minute how he would fix this. "I don't want you to think that you don't have a special place in my heart." Sebastian sat up. He hung his head as he thought of more words. For once, they didn't flow out of him like they normally did. "And I don't want you to think that you can't come to me. I will do anything to help you."

Franco sighed, "Sebastian, don't try and be something you aren't. You have needs, I get it" he spoke with a gulp, "Would I see you as a boyfriend, yeah but if you can't commit I can't do that" he said, biting his lip a little

Sebastian sucked in some air. "Even if I was ready for a committed relationship, do you think that you're ready for a relationship?" Sebastian asked with a bit of worry in his voice. "I figured that you just got out of a very... nasty situation and you're... still not done with it. You think even if we got together that it would be beneficial to you?"

Franco rolled over so his feet were over the side of the bed and he sat up, "What's beneficial for me is not having to do this alone... I went through shit so who are you to decide if that means I am not ready? I just want like... I wanna feel loved OK" he said, his voice starting to break, "I wanna feel like someone fucking wants me"

Sebastian grumbled in frustration. "Ooflala." He trilled harshly in his french mannerisms. His words came out controlled. "I do want you.. I just have to be honest with you." He sighed out. "I think it's because that we really just met last week..." Sebastian kept his eyes on Franco's back. "You have to admit that we're working a bit fast. I really didn't have the goal of coming over here and having sex. Though it was the highlight of my year so far."

Franco took a deep breath and shook his head, "Yeah OK but you've had one night stands before, telling me they move to fast?". He paused and looked at Sebastian, "You want me but you want to be able to sleep with others, that's what this is right?" he asked, "I was stupid to even ask you for a date. I'm glad I could give you an award winning night"

"No, that's not what I'm attempting to get at. I'm just saying that there have been times that... I've been unfaithful. Or I've made some decisions that might have been better if I were single." Sebastian warned. He sucked in some air as he admitted to this. He should've known this. Sebastian nearly built his social persona out of being the resident play boy. "Hey, hey, now. Don't be like that. Okay..." Sebastian put his hand through his hair. Damn did he fuck this one up. He sat in silence as he ran through scenarios in his head. He could do it right? He could enter into a relationship? The problem was how Franco was now, he couldn't get around it. This could be dangerous. He balled his hands into his fist and had a clump of hair in his hands. Sleeping with Franco was a mistake and that was only thing that he could think about in that moment. "I'm sorry, I went too far." Sebastian finally stated. "I still want to go on that date. And I can..." He took in a breathe. "Try. I am willing to try if you are willing to give me a chance."

"Yeah well if I'd had the chance I would have been unfaithful too Sebastian" he said with a nod as he finally looked at the other, "I got hurt so much by Jake and for me to even wanna put one egg in someone's basket, that should be a big deal". He gulped back his emotions and nodded, "I can't help it OK". "If you'd gone too far, I would have stopped you" he spoke honestly, "I would have told you no but I didn't cause I thought it was what we both wanted". He paused at the words, "Why don't we say, between now and the trial, you do what you need to do, an open relationship of sorts? We go to the trial, we go on the date and if we hit it off, then you try, you try and be faithful, you try and commit to me?"

"Oh, I knew you were a player." Sebastian praised with a huge smile on his face. He made sure that when Franco turned around that he was sitting there and staring at him. His green eyes connected with those deep brown hues. He couldn't lie, it made him melt a little on the inside. "I know." He reached down for Franco's hand and hoped that he'd take it. It wasn't that they couldn't be close? Right? In the past week, Franco had entrusted Sebastian a lot and now he was on the road to keeping that trust. He felt like it was his duty. "I did want you, just wasn't thinking too clearly on what it meant." He breathed out and nodded. "I would like that a lot. It's a bit better than my anxiety was betting on."

Franco rolled his eyes, "I wish, if I could have played the game I could have gotten out of there quicker then I did" he said with a small smile. He looked down at Sebastian's hand and gulped as he took it in his own, "I'm sorry". "So that's the plan yeah? We do this open thing for a few weeks and you get it all out of your system before Italy?" he asked, "And if you hook up with someone, I don't wanna know".

Sebastian gave him a broad smile and moved to lay down next to Franco. "Thank you." Sebastian said to him as he wrapped his warm naked body around Franco again. This time, he didn't let go as he rested his head. "Oh? You don't want to know. I'll just turn off your news feeds now."

"You gunna make it public?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow, "Cause that's not classy at all".

"We're going to stop talking about this.... now." Mostly because Sebastian didn't want to get into more trouble that he was already in. He gave Franco another butterfly kiss before he settled into the same pillow.

Franco shook his head with a scoff, "Don't make it public, that will rub salt in legit all my wounds" he said with a sigh as he cuddled up with Sebastian

"Oh, I think that's the first joke I've heard you make." Sebastian said proudly with closed eyes. They were starting to become heavy.

Franco shook his head, "Yeah well... Come on, before you sleep make me that promise, that you won't publicly flaunt your conquests"

"Yes, I will not purposefully publicly flaunt my conquest." Sebastian genuinely promised to the other.

Franco nodded and he sighed as he closed his own eyes, "Goodnight Sebastian"

"Goodnight love."

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Love Uncercover - Ch 7

Title: Love Undercover

Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas

Pairing: Greg Sanders x Nick Stokes

Rating: Mature

Summary:  In part one of this series, Nick and Greg get sent on a special undercover mission by Grissom and Brass, an undercover mission as a couple at an all exclusive couples resort. Their mission is to find their targets and keep them safe while maintaining the illusion that they are a happily married couple, but they may end up finding more then they bargained for while at Lovers Lane Resort.

AO3

Masterlist 

*** My works are not to be posted on any sites without my permission! Please and thanks!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter seven

     “Nick!” Greg moaned out his name as his head fell back against the floor of the cabin, back arched into Nick, and chest heaving. 

     Nick was laying on top of him, his chest heaving in time with Greg’s beneath him. He ran his hand down Greg’s leg that was lazily wrapped over him, “That was amazing.”

     Greg chuckled, “I will never get enough of this, Nicky.”

     “I don't think I’m ever going to get enough of you calling me Nicky,” he shifted slightly off of Greg to hover over his face and kiss him, “you know, we could just stay in the cabin today,” he moved his lips to his neck, “mess up the bed some more,” another kiss, “keep our clothes off all day.”

     Greg moaned and squirmed under Nick, tightening his fingers in his hair as he continued kissing him all over, “As much as I would love to do that, we can't,” he sighed as Nick’s lips ghosted over his belly button, “we need to stick close to Oliver and James.”

     “Yeah I know,” he licked a trail from Greg’s belly button up to his lips and kissed him again, “but maybe when we get back and have some time off, we can spend a full day at my place, you and me, no clothes…”

     Nick wiggled his brows at Greg with a smirk and he wrapped his arms around his neck, “That sounds like a fantastic day, but for now,” he pulled Nick in and kissed him soundly. 

     The two started to get heated again as they rolled around on the floor, kissing like their lives depended on it, clinging to each other. They were starting to get hard again, starting up a slow grind, when, “Breakfast!”

     The knock on the door of the cabin sparked them both into a panic. Nick looked down at Greg with impossibly wide eyes, “It's the lady from the front desk!”

     “Answer it!”

     Nick scoffed at Greg as he shuffled out from under him and stood up, “Why me?! I’m naked!”

     “So am I,” he laughed, grabbing the robe off the floor and holding it over his chest, “hurry, she's gunna wonder what's going on.”

     He shook his head and turned to answer the door as she knocked again, and opened it part way, slightly hiding behind it. “Good morning,” she chirped.

     “Uh… g-good morning.”

     A shuffling behind Nick and a light giggle had her shifting her eyes behind him just in time to see the completely naked backside of Greg ducking into the bedroom. She just smiled and handed Nick the tray who muttered a quick thanks, and before he shut the door she added, “Sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to let you know that if y’all are late for the first round of activities this morning, it's totally fine. This is a place for couples to come and unwind, so we completely understand. You wouldn't be the first and you certainly won't be the last.”

     She flashed him a quick wink and walked back down the porch to continue her rounds, leaving Nick to stand wide eyed in the doorway, while Greg was nearly in tears behind him.

     He snapped himself out of it and quickly closed the door then placed the tray on the table. Greg was still laughing in the bedroom, laying on the bed with his arms over his eyes, so Nick ran inside and jumped on the bed. He crawled over Greg and straddled him, removing his arms from his face and laughing himself. “She knew!”

     He only continued to laugh as he said, “Yes, but she also said that this is a place where couples come to unwind….” He then rolled over and pushed back, rubbing his ass against Nick’s growing cock, pulling a moan from him, “So I say we take her advice and do just that.”

     Nick grabbed his hips, rutting slowly up against him as Greg reached for another condom and passed it back. Nick ripped the package open and rolled it on, lining himself up with Greg’s still loose hole. “How are you still ready to go after all the sex we’ve had since last night?”

     Greg rubbed his ass against Nick again and tilted his head, “I could ask you the same.”

     He leaned into Greg, running his tongue along his back and up to that sweet spot on the back of his neck he loved so much. He closed his eyes as he felt his cock twitch when Nick sucked on it and whispered in a husky voice, “You just drive me so wild, darlin, I can't help it.”

     In one swift movement he pushed all the way into Greg, both boys throwing their heads back with a sultry moan of the others name.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Grissom sorted through the papers in his hands as he walked through the halls. He breezed past lab techs as he marched the maze he had memorized in his head, all the way into a familiar office.

     Without knocking he walked in and sat down, placing the papers on the desk, and a hand over his eyes. 

     “Anything?” 

     “No, Jim, I've got nothing.”

     Jim sighed and turned away from his computer, folding his hands over the table and leaning towards Grissom as he spoke. “I just got off the phone with Judge Howard. Another letter showed up on his porch this morning, again threatening James, I put a rush on it. But I don't know where to go with this Gil. We've got no leads so far, Judge Howard has no idea which ex con he put away could be behind this. Has trace gotten anything yet?”

     “Not that I've heard yet,” he shook his head, “something’s gotta give, Jim. We can't keep this up forever.”

     “I know, and I'm sure Nicky and Greg wanna come back and get back in the field.”

     “Yeah,” he grumbled and leaned on the arm of the chair, “hopefully something will come up on the letter you sent to trace and we can bring them home.”

     A knock at the door gained their attention and they both turned to find Hodges.

     “Yes, Hodges?” 

     “So, I processed that letter from Judge Howard's house that came in this morning, and I got a partial which kicked back a match on codis,” he walked in and placed a file on the table between Grissom and Brass. 

     Grissom leaned over the file on the table and read back the name, “Tyler Watkins. Ex con with a rap for petty theft and escalating to armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon.”

     “Yes,'' Hodges nodded as he took the seat next to Grissom, “but I did some checking and he has zero ties to Judge Howard. In fact, the judge that put Mr. Watkins behind bars was Judge O’leary. Judge Howard never came within three feet of this guy's cases.”

     “So how does that help us, Hodges?” Grissom held a questioning hand out to him.

     “It doesn't,” he smirked, “but it at the very least gives you a starting point, right?”

     “It gives us reason to warrant his arrest and holding.” He turned then to Jim with a look, and he just nodded as he reached for the phone.

     “I'll have him brought in,” he placed the phone to his ear and dialed, “yeah, I need a Tyler Watkins brought in for questioning on the Judge Howard case, immediately.”

     He hung up and met Grissom’s expectant eyes. “I'll meet you in interrogation in twenty minutes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “So, Tyler,” Jim drawled, leaning across to the brunette sitting across from him, “you're a convicted felon, charged with armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon, but I didn't think someone with as impressive of a rap sheet as you would stoop as low as idle threats.”

     “What are you talking about?! I didn't threaten nobody.”

     “Mr. Watkins, do you know a man named Bruce Howard?” Grissom tried this time. Sitting casually at the table, legs crossed and arm resting loosely across them.     “Never heard of him.”

     “Thats funny,” Grissom opened the file in front of him and tossed a bag with the letter across, “because we found your prints on this envelope that was delivered to Judge Howard’s house this morning. A letter that threatens the life of his son, James Howard. So tell me, if you don't know Bruce Howard then how did your prints end up on this envelope?”

     Tyler stared at the envelope on the table in front of him for a moment before punching the air in front of him. “Man, I didn't do anything!”

     “Then how did your prints end up on this envelope!” Jim leaned further across the table as he shouted, “If you don't tell us, the evidence will rat you out, and I will take personal pleasure in making sure you end up right back in your old cell block. I'll even throw away the key myself, cuz you see, Judge Howard is a personal friend of mine.”

     “Look, all I did was deliver the letter,” he raised his hands in surrender, “I don't know the guy, didn't even know the name of the guy who lived there. I was just handed an envelope and an address and told to deliver it before nine this morning.”

     “That's it? Just a hand off?”

     Tyler leaned into Brass with a curled lip and growled. “I owed money to some bad news, this was my way out alive. I deliver the letter, my debts free and clear.”

     “Did you deliver any other envelopes to this address?” 

     He looked to Grissom this time, still sat back in his casual position, and shook his head. “Naw, just the one.”

     “And who was it that asked you to deliver this envelope to the Judge’s house?”

     “I don't know his name.”

     “Convenient,” Brass chirped.

     Tyler smacked his fists on the table and stood, hovering over Brass, “I don't know the guy’s name, alright!” The guards stationed at the door moved forwards to intervene but Grissom raised a hand to stop them.

     “Mr. Watkins, is there anything you can tell us about the man who gave you this letter?”

     He looked over to Grissom, calmed, and sat back down. “He had a green hat with a logo on it. That thing the lucky charms guy has on the commercials.”

     “A four leaf clover?” Grissom asked with a raised brow.

     “Yeah,” he pointed at Grissom, “that's the thing. And he wasn't no man either, he was a kid, maybe twenty-five at most. But that's it. I was in and out, grabbed the letter and delivered it in no less than fifteen minutes. Now can I go?”

     Jim just waved a hand at him and the officers at the door escorted him out.

     It was silent for a minute before Brass asked, “So that's it? That’s all we've got to go on here? A kid with a lucky charms hat?”

     “Four leaf clover, Jim, not lucky charms,” he eyed Jim, then turned to him fully, “he said he was in and out in fifteen minutes right? So let's get a search going starting at Judge Howard's house, anything within a fifteen minutes drive, and see if we can't find a store with this logo.”

     “Alright,” he nodded as he stood, “i'll get some uniforms on it, I'll call you if they find anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Nick, Greg!”     The two boys turned in the direction of their names being called and found James and Oliver waving them down. They ran over, hand in hand, and stood with the boys.

     “Sorry we’re late guys,” Nick drawled, trying not to smirk.

     “Well it seems like you had good reason,” Oliver reached out and pulled Greg’s slightly unbuttoned shirt to reveal the skin underneath and laughed, “showing off some love bites there, Greg?”

     Greg smirked, not even bothering to try and hide his smugness unlike Nick.

     “Not just some,” James chuckled, turning then to Nick, “I uh, think you missed a spot there, boss.”

     “Did I?'' Nick turned Greg in his arms and pretended to examine his purposefully exposed chest. “Look at that, partner, you're right. Guess I'll have to fix that.”

     Greg giggled as he pulled him in closer, flush against him, and started kissing his neck. After a few moments of letting Nick have his fun, and some awes from James and Oliver, he pushed Nick away and said, “Alright, alright, let's get going, we should pick an activity and get a move on. We can continue this later.”

     “Mmm,” Nick hummed, finding his way up to Greg’s lips and kissing them, “you know we will.”

     Greg laughed against his lips and kissed him once more before turning to James and Oliver, both staring at them fondly. “So, what are the plans for today?”

     James grabbed the itinerary out of his pocket and handed it to Nick, “We were hoping you guys would be down for the pottery class this morning, and there's a baking class after lunch.”

     “Right,” Greg nodded, wrapping an arm around Nick, “and didn't you say there was also a bonfire tonight?”

     “Yes!” Oliver jumped over to stand beside Greg, “And pottery class is going to be starting in five minutes so we better hurry or there might not be any seats left.”

     As Oliver started hopping away he latched onto Greg’s arm and started pulling him slightly ahead of the others, though it took quite a bit of effort to pull him out of Nick's tight hold so he could whisper to him.

     “So,” he drawled, “seems like the talk went very well last night.”

     He wiggled his brows at Greg and he just chuckled. “It did go very well.”

     “Well do I get any details, or are you gunna hold out on me?” 

     Greg leaned in a little, looking back over his shoulder at Nick and James chatting behind them, then turned into Oliver, “Let’s just say that I didn't know that man could move his hips the way he did last night!”

~~~~~~~~~~~

     They made it to the pottery class just in time and managed to get seats beside each other near the front. Everything they needed was already set up, clay, water, carving tools, and of course one wheel and two stools.     Nick led them over and sat Greg in the stool closest to the wheel and sat on the stool behind him, immediately leaning over his shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. James and Oliver sat beside them and shortly after, the instructor walked in and to the front of the class. 

     “Alright, I am Emily, nice to meet everyone, and welcome to pottery class.” She looked once around the room then sat behind her own wheel at the front. “Today we’re going to start small with some bowls, so first thing’s first, let's turn on the wheel.”

     She showed them where the power button was and Greg reached over to turn it on.

     “Alright, now that you’ve  gotten past step one, step two is to make sure you have a decent amount of water on your clay and then, very slowly, push your foot down on the peddle and start turning your clay.”

     Greg wet the clay and then turned back to Nick, “Wanna work the peddle?”

     “I got it,” and he pushed down… way too hard.

     The wheel spun into overdrive, shooting sludge all over Greg and Nick. He took his foot off the peddle in a panic and in the silence of the room Greg started howling with laughter and Nick soon followed, the sound completely contagious.

     “Lightly, Nicky, lightly,'' Greg chuckled as he wiped the mud off his cheeks.

     “Okay, let me try again.” 

     Greg braced himself but thankfully Nick managed to press light enough this time that it didn't shoot mud all over them. Then the instructor went on with the lesson.

     “Now, start in the middle of the clay using your thumbs to press down in the center, and cup your hands around the outside to shape the bowl.” Nick and Greg watched her intently before they decided to attempt it.

     “Okay, Nicky, let's do this!”

     “Go ahead, darlin’, i'll follow your lead.”

     Greg slowly reached his hands forwards and started to form the bowl… kind of, then tilted his head back to Nick. “Get in here, Nicky, I know how much you like to get your hands dirty.”

     Nick hummed and slowly ran his hands down Greg’s thighs, then back up towards his crotch whispering in his ear, “I’d much rather be using my hands for other things right now.”

     Greg sucked in a tight breath then turned his head towards Nick’s who started devouring his lips. Greg lifted a hand up to Nick’s neck to pull him in closer, and Nick didn't even care that Greg's hand was covering his neck in thick sludge from the clay as they continued to makeout.     A smack of clay hit Nick in the cheek and he pulled off Greg’s lips with a smack and a laugh turning to the couple beside them. “Get a room!” Oliver laughed as he hucked another piece of clay at them.     “I’m pretty tempted,” Nick wiggled his brows at Greg and he laughed and turned back to the work.

     “First things first, Nicky, let’s finish our bowl,” then he leaned back into Nick's neck again to whisper, “but hold onto those other thoughts for later.”

     Nick moaned softly into Greg’s neck then leaned in to help him mould the clay bowl. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “It's beautiful.”

     “A piece of artwork if I do say so myself,” Nick nodded along with Greg as they both gazed upon their finished piece. 

     They both broke into uncontrollable laughter unable to hold it back any longer or keep a serious face. It was the worst excuse for a bowl they had ever seen. It was uneven, tilting to one side, and at some point Nick’s hands had found their way back to Greg’s crotch and what was supposed to be smooth sides ended up looking more like pleats. 

    James and Oliver's bowl looked significantly better than theirs, it was actually round for starters.

     “That's uh…” James stifled a laugh as they came to stand beside Nick and Greg, “that's pretty good guys.”

     “It's terrible,” Greg laughed, running a hand down his face, “maybe we can put our keys in it or something.”

     He leaned back into Nick's arms and Nick's head instantly nestled into the crook of his neck, arms around his waist. They laughed over their failed bowl for a few more minutes before Nick glanced at his watch and looked over to Oliver and James. “It's just about lunch, y'all ready to head over to the food hall?”

     “If you guys don't mind, i think I’d like to go back to the cabin and change first,” Oliver laughed reaching a hand up to Nick’s collar where Greg's hand had smothered it in clay, “I think you guys could use for a clean up too.”

     “You're probably right,” Greg nodded, taking Nick's hand and walking out of the pottery class with their bowl, “we still have about forty minutes until lunch. How about we shower and meet then?”

     “Sounds like a plan, we'll meet you guys at the food hall.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

     A clay covered shirt was flung across the cabin, hitting the wall with a smack as Nick pushed Greg backwards into their room. He whipped his own shirt off as Greg’s legs hit the bed and he fell backwards, his hands quickly undoing his pants as Nick climbed on top of him and started sucking on all the bruises from last night.

     Greg arched his back and wrapped his legs around Nick's waist as he ground hard down into him, making him throw his head back with a moan. “Nicky, we shouldn't be doing this right now, we…” He moaned as Nick ground down again, “We have to be with James and Oliver. And lunch is in half an hour.”

     “It'll be fine,” he licked a trail up from Greg’s ear to his lips, dipping his tongue into his mouth then pulled back to whisper against his lips, “We’ll make it fast, shower, then be back in time for lunch.”

     “Oh,” he wrapped his hands around Nick's neck and tilted his head with a smirk, “can you make it fast, Nicky?”

     “I really don't want to,” he leaned down to nibble on Greg’s ear, “I’d much rather take you torturously slow,” he moved his lips to his neck, “take my time and make tender, tender love to you.”

     “Mmm,” he hummed into Nick’s mouth as he took his lips again, “you don't know how much I want that right now, but,” he moved his hands from Nick’s neck down to his pants and started undoing them, “we now have twenty-five minutes and still have to shower in that time. So let's get a move on here.”

     Nick laughed and kissed him once more before kicking his pants off while Greg did the same, then climbed back on top of him. “How about a quick hand job before we shower then?”

     “Oh, yes!”

     Nick laughed, “We haven't even started yet, Greg,” he slowly slid his hand down between them, taking both of their hard and leaking cocks in his hand and stroked once. The friction had both of them groaning, Greg's chest flexing under Nick’s touches. “Oh, Greg,” Nick continued to stroke them together, picking up the pace, “god you make me so crazy.”

     “Nicky,” Greg moaned, wrapping his legs tighter around Nick's back to get better leverage to thrust into his hand in time with his strokes, Nick doing the same thing. “I love you so much.”

     “I love you too, darlin’,” Nick leaned down to kiss him again and sucked in his moans as he stroked them harder, faster. 

     Both of them were so close to the edge, their thrusts becoming frantic and scattered, moans and groans mixing as their tongues tangled. Nick’s hips stuttered as he leaned heavier on Greg, “I'm gonna come, Greg.”

     “Me-ah,” he threw his head back as Nick squeezed, “me too.”

     And before either of them could say another word they were covering their chests. Nick collapsed onto Greg's chest and laid there for a few minutes while Greg ran one hand through his hair, and the other up and down his back. 

     He leaned in to place a soft kiss on Nick's head, “We should get going.”

     He hummed as he lifted himself up, their chests sticking together as he lifted Greg with him. “How much time do we have to shower?”

     Greg glanced over at the clock on the wall then back to Nick, “Maybe five minutes before they'll be expecting us at the food hall.”

     He shrugged as he scooped Greg up into his arms and walked them towards the shower, “It was worth it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

                                   PREVIOUS     NEXT

Tags: @panchostokes @greggonpancho @cadenceh2o

[buckyscrystalqueen]

The Difference: Part 2

Pairings: Mark Sheppard x Reader

Warnings: None??? Swearing must likely…

Word Count: 5,214

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… are you still mad at me?” Emma asked as the two of you sat in your shared office on Monday, going over and translating a ten page document from some Greek dignitary to someone in the Homeland Security office, discussing the logistics of his visit to Greece for a benefit in a few months. 

“Very much so.” You responded without hesitation.

“Oh, come on.” She sighed behind you as she turned her chair to look at your back. “He’s a really nice guy, and he’s a very understanding person. He’s worked with Ben for years, and I know Ben wouldn’t have suggested setting you two up if he wasn’t going to be good for you and the boys…”

“Em, do you two realize what you are asking here?” You snapped a little curtly as you turned around to look at her. “You’re asking some stranger to consider stepping in to my life, and my boys lives, to possibly be a father to them one day. I have four sons, Emma. Four. And one of them has Downs. That is a lifetime of responsibility that I would never, ever expect someone to do. No matter how much I like him, I can’t date him.”

“You know, you make them sound like they are a burden.”

“How dare you!”

“No, I’m not saying they’re a burden.” Your sister said quickly. “I know what you do is not easy, and I’m not knocking it. But what I’m asking is, do you have to go at it alone? Do you have to live in the basement until you can afford some shit apartment…”

“So what, you want me to just find some random Joe to take care of me? Is that it? Because I can take care of myself…”

“No, I’m not suggesting…”

“Then what are you suggesting, huh?” You demanded as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Because this is gunna turn out one of two ways. My boys and I are gunna end up getting hurt or I’m gunna feel guilty for the rest of my life that I trapped someone with four boys that aren’t his. Those are the only options here. So can you please, please just fucking drop it already? No more blind dates, no more pushing me to find someone for the boys sake. They are fine with just a mother and the family. And they will be fine, too.” With a loud huff, you spun your desk chair around and got up to go for a walk to let off some steam before you finished your task.

“Did you ever think I knew what I was getting myself into going to dinner with you?” Your stomach dropped and you turned around to see Mark, leaning against the wall beside your office door, rolling a single white rose in his fingers. He looked up and met your eyes with a small shrug. “I was in the area and wanted to see if you’d like to have an early lunch.”

“Mark…”

“See, I’ve heard stories about you.” He continued as he pushed off the wall and walked over to hand you the rose. “Like the one time you set off a bottle rocket at a funeral…”

“OK, I was like ten and the mood was kinda dark and depressing.” You justified before smelling the rose with a small smile.

“And I’ve heard about the opossum family you let loose in the barracks…”

“Again… mood was kinda dark and depressing.”

“And that tells me that you have an amazing, dry, yet slightly twisted, and sarcastic sense of humor just like I do.” You nodded your head and let him gently turn you around for lunch. “I know that you are strong willed, and fearless. I know that you are devoted to your family, and you are patient, and kind. I know you put your loved ones before yourself without batting an eye. So let me ask you this- why wouldn’t I want to date you?” You stopped walking and looked over at him and then quickly walked a few steps back when he very gently pushed you toward the wall so you were out of the way of the people walking by. “Putting your boys aside for just a moment- if they didn’t exist, would I be someone you’d consider getting to know?” You searched his brown eyes for a moment before exhaling through your nose and nodding your head. “So, don’t you think you should finally give yourself a chance to be happy?”

“But…”

“I know you think you’d be… what did you say… ‘trapping’ me.” He interrupted. “But have you ever considered that I adore children? Have you ever considered I know what I could be getting myself in to by going out with you? I can see where this could end up. I’m not naive. And if I hadn’t been OK with that in the first place, I wouldn’t have agreed to taking you to dinner, right?”

“Mark…”

“I’m gunna just say this one last thing… after that, you can either come grab lunch with me before we go back to work, or you can go back to your office, and I won’t bother you again. I do not like pineapple on my pizza. I’m also not a fan of pepperoni but I will tolerate it.”

“Oh, my God I can’t handle you.” You giggled as you shook your head.

“Am I going this way alone?” He asked with an award winning smile as he gestured over his shoulder. 

“I will go… as long as we can go to Surf City for a smoothie, and stop at the dry cleaner on the way back.”

“I think I can make that deal.” He said with a nod.

“Alright… I’ll grab my wallet just… stay here? I guess…”

“I’ll wait here.” He chuckled with a nod as he slipped his hands in the pockets of his dress slacks. You nodded and turned in your heels to walk quickly back to your office. Emma looked up at you when you crossed the threshold and you simply scowled.

“Shut up.” You barked as you set the rose down on your desk. “I hate you.”

“See you after lunch.” She giggled as she looked back at her computer to finish what she was doing before she took her lunch break.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fridays were, hands down, one of your favorite days of the week. Since you were just a contract linguist, you only had to put in 20 hours of work a week to keep your office and your job, which you usually did in eight hour shifts Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. You did switch those days up if you really needed to but for the most part, since Emma could translate Italian and Greek just like you could, your boss was OK with you only putting in three days of work. Thursdays were usually spent at doctors appointments for you, and/or your boys, which meant that Fridays, you got your babies all to yourself with rare interruptions. 

“What are you doin’?” You cooed as you sat on your bedroom floor, grinning like a Cheshire Cat at Evan, who was picking up his soft, plastic letter blocks one by one, walking them a few steps over to where you were sitting, and gently putting them in Luca’s lap. “Are you sharing? Are you sharing with your brother, baby boy? Yea.” Your oldest giggled adorably and continued what he was doing as Luca simply watched his brother from between your legs, completely mesmerized. 

You turned your head to the side to check on Thomas and Theo, who were both hyper focused on dropping plastic ball-pit balls into holes cut into a cardboard box, before toddling as fast as they could to watch the balls fall out the open end into a plastic laundry basket. You loved listening to the two of them laugh and talk to each other in nonsensical sentences, and you wished you could live in innocent moments like this forever.

“Mmm… Mmm…” Luca said between your legs as he looked up at you. You gave him a big smile and looked down at him.

“What, baby? Do you want a drink?” You asked as you signed to him, since he was a little behind the boys in his communication skills. He looked down at your hands for a moment, taking his time to connect the dots, before nodding his head and giving you the yes sign. “Alright, come here sweetheart.” You moved Evan’s blocks out of the way and stood up with a slight grunt. “Who else is thirsty? Juice break?” Your other three sons all looked over at you and instantly abandoned their current games to toddle after you toward the kitchenette. They waited with more patience than some adults you knew as you held on to Luca’s sides and used  your feet to gently push his along one step at a time like your doctor wanted you too. You cheered for him when he finally made it to the tile, and his smile lit up your whole world yet again. You lowered him down to sit on the floor as your phone started to ring in your back pocket.

“Hello?”

“Well hello, darling.” Your smile grew as you put your phone on speaker and set it on the counter.

“Well hello to you, too. Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“Work is for chumps.” Mark chuckled as you lined up three trainer cups with straws and one with a hard plastic mouth piece on the counter. “Which is why, I am skipping out early today.”

“Ooo, what a dare devil.” You teased as you grabbed a pitcher of already mixed fruit punch Juicy Juice and water, which was the fan favorite with your boys. “Got a hot date tonight?”

“Funny you should say that. I was wondering if you had eaten lunch yet?”

“I have not.” You told him with a shake of your head as you poured. “But I have to feed my kids first, which means I actually have to put something other than my sleep shorts on to go to the grocery store to get food to actually feed my offspring like the good mama lion I am.”

“What, no gazelle in the back yard?”

“No, you’re a week to late for gazelle. Ate them all up last week… No Evan, that’s Luca’s.” You pushed your oldest’s hand out of the way, and handed the two older boys their cups.

“If you’re passing out money, I don’t blame him for trying to take it.”

“Liquid gold.” You said as you handed Theo and Thomas their cups and turned to put away the pitcher. “It’s juice time. Luca has to use a different cup and Evan is a little jerk and tries to take it.  And before you ask, I have tried giving Evan the same cup as Luca and he won’t use it. He just wants it because it’s different than his.”

“Boys will be boys.”

“Yea, you’re telling me.” You huffed as you grabbed your phone off the counter and shoved it in your bra. “I have four, remember?”

“Speaking of, do you need a hand at the grocery store?” You smirked as you picked up Luca and stepped over to your chair to sit for a moment.

“Yea, you’ll definitely be scared away after going to the store with me. I’m the crazy coupon lady with four screaming toddlers.”

“So it’s an adventure. And it gives whomever usually assists you a break.” He chuckled as you took the phone off speaker. “I’ll bring you a smoothie…”

“Oh, you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Sheppard.” You joked as you sat back in your chair and adjusted your son in your lap. After a small debate in your head as you looked at your children, you sighed and nodded. “Alright. But remember, I gave you a fair warning ahead of time. This will show you what it’s like to really date me. And yes, I know you’ve spent two weeks saying you can handle it… just wait.”

“I am going into it with an open mind, kitten. Just like I do every day.”

“OK.” You sang to him as you rocked yourself back and forth slightly. “I warned you. I’ll text you my address but call me when you get here. I live with my parents and my grandparents and trust me when I tell you, you want to come in through the back door.”

“Sounds like a plan. I will see you soon, darling.”

“Looking forward to it. Bye, sweetheart.” You admitted, honestly. You smiled and hung up the phone with a small sigh as you looked down at your son. “Shit… this is gunna be interesting.”

——

“Alright, so I’m gunna give you… the grabber.” You said as you stood in the back of your van, looking at your kids, before deciding to grab Thomas first. You unbuckled him and picked him up with a small huff, since there wasn’t enough space for you to stand up completely. “This is Thomas.”

“Got it.” Mark said as he carefully took your youngest like he was going to break.

“Never held a baby before?” You laughed as you watched him.

“This would be my first.”

“OK, first of all, you don’t hold them out like they are diseased.” You giggled as you got out of the van. “Put him on your hip like this.” He nodded his head and let you guide him so that Thomas was propped up on his hip. “See? Simple. Just don’t drop him.”

“Your vote of confidence isn’t helping here.” He joked as you moved the straps of the kids seat, that looked like a car on the back of your shopping cart, out of the way.

“Then you just set him down here facing the cart.” He nodded his head and stepped up to your side with a small smile. You took a step back and let him do all the work so he could really get a glimpse at what went on any time you took the kids out in public.

“He’s about to fight it.” You said as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Keep your hand on his chest and quickly strap him in.”

“No!” The parking lot filled with your child’s scream as Mark battled Thomas’ hands to get him buckled. Little fists went flying until you finally stepped forward and grabbed his hands.

“Stop it.” You barked as you looked him in the eye with your ‘mad face’. “No.” His face contorted into a pout and he threw himself against the back of the chair.

“You just had to give me the hard one first.” Mark laughed as he tightened the seatbelt.

“The fact that you think I would give you the hard one is actually comical.” You said, honestly as you walked over to get Luca next. “He’s second easiest. Luca is first but I couldn’t start off with the easiest first, could I?”

“That would have been the nice thing to do.” You nodded your head and stepped out of the van with your second son on your hip.

“Alright, this is Luca. He’s a little people shy until you say his name. Always be soft, and gentle with him. He’s a little slow on the take so patience is key.”

“Hi Luca.” Mark cooed as he took a step forward. “Hi.” You looked down at your baby, with a small smile just as his face lit up with the smile that could melt even the coldest heart.

“You win.” You giggled as you passed him over. “Now with him, he’ll look back at you a few times to make sure you’re still there. Just say hi, talk to him a little. He’ll look back around to explore. If he starts making an ‘Mmm’ sound, he’s calling for me. His verbal communication isn’t there yet so he knows some sign language. I have faith through.” Your companion nodded his head and went over to put Luca beside his brother as you picked up Theo from the back to go in your cart. “Alright, not fighting, please.”

“Want me to?”

“Oh no.” You said with a shake of your head as you stepped out of the car. “These two are my worst.” The moment he saw the cart, Theo started to thrash in your arms because he, like Evan, hated being confined in any sort of seat. “This is a constant fight with them. They hate being confined… quit! Just quit, damn it! Ugh, you are a monster spawn. Monster spawn!”

“I don’t even know where to offer help.”

“You can’t.” You said as you finally got the seat belt buckled. “My mom is the only person that can get them to stop. Stop it!” You snapped in Greek, which only worked for a few moments. “Yea, they speak Greek. And Italian. It’s a constant battle in my house of which language is going to be their primary language. So damn competitive… don’t you start with me.” You growled as you picked up Evan, who wasn’t quite as bad as his brother, but who was still not a peach either. You struggled a bit with his hands, which Mark ended up coming over to hold for a minute so you could get him buckled in. With a sigh, you looked up at him with a smile. “Scared yet?”

“So do you always match them up this way?” He asked as you stepped over to grab your diaper bag slash purse from between the front seats.

“No, I mix it up. Usually, I put one of the trouble makers with Luca and I push that cart. I normally come to the store with one of my aunts and a couple cousins and they are a little loud for Luca to handle. So I try to keep him with me and away from my family in public. And the boys can tell that he’s different and they already know that they have to be more gentle with him. So they tend to be more calm. I use him as a buffer. Wait, I start in the middle.” You said as you grabbed Mark’s cart before he could go to the right toward the produce section. “You start on the outside and you are guaranteed to have a blowout diaper change or two that takes forever to clean up so all the cold stuff gets room temp by the time you finish your shopping. It’s almost guaranteed.”

“Alright, so what do we have on the list?” With a small smirk, you reached into your bag for your grocery store binder and passed it back to him.

“List starts in aisle four. My aunts usually watch the boys when I go to work and they spend the day gossiping and clipping coupons since we have such a big family. And not just me. My house is pretty full, but I also have nine aunts, nine uncles, forty-three cousins, and four second cousins. Oh, and we can’t forget the twenty… two? No twenty-three cousins by marriage, and my nieces and sister and brother in-law, and me and my boys. So total, we have over a hundred mouths to feed and that’s just my local immediate and extended family. They clip a lot of coupons. But we’re not super assholes about our couponing… babe, you gotta watch him!” You said quickly as you lunged and grabbed Thomas’ hand before he could knock a display of glass spaghetti sauces. You scowled at him and tapped his hand harshly with your fingertips, which only made him laugh manically.

“Sorry, kitten. I was distracted by the hundred plus mouths thing…”

“Not your fault.” You said with a nod as you pulled your list from the binder. “This is your first time. Gotta learn some how. But with quads, you constantly have to be aware because one of them is always up to no good. Sure you’re not scared yet? We’re not even five minutes in.”

“I can handle it.” You nodded your head and huffed a laugh with a giant smile on your face.

“Alright, just remember I warned you.”

“You know, you keep saying that.” He chuckled as he moved the cart into the middle of the aisle more so that Thomas wasn’t close to the shelves. “I bet raising children is a breeze.”

“Ooo, you better be glad that we are in public and that I have boxes of pasta in my hand or I would fight you for that statement.”

“Ooo, listen to that, boys. Mummy’s getting feisty.” You laughed as you counted boxes to make sure you didn’t grab more than the coupons you had so that the store still had some left on the shelves- which, in total, would only cost you maybe three dollars for twelve boxes of pasta that would last maybe a month, maybe two with the way your growing boys were eating.

“Mummy? Could you be any more British?”

“Probably could.” He chuckled behind you as he watched you grab two big jars of sauce for the boys, and two smaller Alfredo sauces for Luca because he couldn’t handle the acidity of the tomatoes. “I do drink tea…”

“Scotch and crumpets, too?” You teased as you moved down to the buy one, get one free Mac ’n’ Cheese.

“No scotch. I’ve actually been sober for almost thirty years.” You stopped and looked over at him with your eyebrow raised.

“Wow. Shit, congratulations, sweetheart. Bet that wasn’t easy.”

“It wasn’t at first.” He sighed as he gently redirected Thomas’ hand when he tried to grab a woman’s arm as she passed by. “But it’s got much easier. I go to meetings every morning before I go into the office…”

“Wait, you wake up extra early on purpose?! Are you crazy? Go after work and sleep in!”

“I don’t need my beauty rest anymore, kitten.” He laughed. “Nothing could make my ugly mug any better.”

“Aww, well I think you’re handsome.” You cooed as you looked over at him while grabbing canned veggies and beans that were two for $1 that week, with a doubled fifty cent off coupon for each set, making them all free to you.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you, kitten.”

“I like that, by the way.” You said as you started to load his cart with cans, since you were going to have at least fifty cans. “Kitten. It’s cute. Keep count for me. I need fifty.”

“I’ve never been one for pet names but it just works for you. How long does all this last for you?”

“Well, a can of veggies or beans divided amongst the five of us works for one meal. Two, sometimes three cans a day… about a month. Pasta just shy of two. Cheese sticks, however… shit, I could buy six bags of them and they would be gone in a couple days. These monsters just inhale cheese sticks. So if you’re ever at my house and you see one of them trying to get in the fridge, they want cheese.”

“Got it. You’re at fifty.”

“Alright, next aisle.”

——

“Holy shit.” Mark said softly as he stood in your bedroom, watching you lay Evan down in his crib for a nap. “What the bloody hell just happened?”

“Parenting.” You giggled as you checked on your other, thankfully sleeping boys. You sighed and looked over at him with a giant smile. “I warned you.”

“Yes, but you should have been much more clear.” He teased as he walked over to grab one of the dirty high chair trays to help you clean them off. “Kitten, your children are horrible!”

“I told you.” You laughed with a nod. “It never stops. I get peaceful moments like once a day and then it’s sheer chaos.” You glanced over at him with a smile and traded your clean tray for his. “You’re very good with them.”

“Can I confess that I was honestly just mimicking what you did all day long.”

“I figured as much.” You sighed as you scrubbed some peanut butter off the tray. “Look, I understand if you can’t deal. I mean, I’m their own mother and I get overwhelmed…”

“You’re not getting rid of me that quickly.” He said as he came over and gently grabbed your wrist. You looked over at him as he shook his head with a smile. “I’m just a sucker for a pretty face, you know?”

“You should really save yourself.” You sighed as you handed him the clean tray in your hands and took the next one.

“Do you take a nap with them?” He asked to change the subject as he walked over to get the last tray. “I could absolutely use a nap.”

“Oh, how I wish. I have to clean up all the toys, do laundry, reorganize the pantry…”

“How about… I help you with that after a little nap? Then maybe I’ll order us all some pizza for dinner so you don’t have to worry about cooking.”

“You’re gunna have to order a special pie for Luca. He can’t eat marinara sauce.”

“I know a place that has an amazing white pizza. So let’s go take a nap because I am falling asleep just standing here.”

“OK, fine.” You sighed as you turned off the sink and set the last tray on its high chair. “But you keep your clothes on and you stay on your side of the bed. No funny stuff… I have four kids already.”

“You have my word that I will be an absolute gentleman.” You huffed and rolled your eyes as you wiped off your hands on your jeans.

“You’re just gunna be as much of a pain in my ass as them, aren’t you?”

“It’s a boy thing. It runs in our genes.”

“This is why I stay single.”

“You could always become a lesbian.” He suggested as he pulled off his shoes and scooted across the bed against the wall.

“Too much drama.” You sighed as you fell onto your mattress. “I’m good with all that.”

“Now you see where men’s issues lie… oof!” You scowled at him as you curled up under your blankets as he chuckled and rubbed his stomach where you gently hit him with the back of your hand.

“Go to sleep before I change my mind.” With another slight chuckle, you closed your eyes and almost instantly passed out. You had no idea how long you were asleep for but a deep male voice is the first thing you registered when you woke up, followed closely by a small hand on your chest. You opened your eyes slowly and looked down at Luca, who was sound asleep in front of you.

“You always gotta remember to keep the diaper up for a little longer.” Your dad, Tony, said softly in his deep, gravely voice as he stood beside Mark at the changing table. “Boys tend to pee when you first take their diaper off. And Theo is a wiggler, so I tend to try and keep a hand on his stomach so he doesn’t roll off the changing table.”

“That happens?” Mark asked him as he grabbed a wipe from the box.

“They try.” Tony chuckled with a nod. “But that’s not just these boys. All babies do that.” 

“So what do I do…?”

“I just kinda tuck it in here to keep the mess contained.” You smirked up at the two men and simply watched from your bed as Mark learned how to change his first diaper. You wondered how this situation had come about as your dad took a step back and pointed at the diaper genie on the side of the changing table. “Keep your hand there.”

“Right, right. I knew that.” Mark nodded his head and pushed the diaper in the trash can as he tried to keep Theo on the table, which was a feat in and of itself since your son was more of a thrasher over a simple wiggler. “So it goes this way?”

“Yep, but one thing that took me a second to remember- you gotta make sure you have it up enough in the back. Trust me, you will only need to go through that mistake once. Yea, that’s good there.”

“A’right, this isn’t so bad.”

“Just wait until you get a shit diaper.” Your dad laughed. “It can get worse. So much worse.”

“I don’t think you can say anything to scare him off, Papa.” You said softly so you wouldn’t wake up Luca. “I’ve been trying for two weeks and he just keeps coming around.”

“Hey, sorry. I just heard Luca whining and he was pointing to you… and then your dad came down because he heard him on the baby monitor and he didn’t want to wake you…”

“It’s OK.” You told him with a small nod as you brushed your fingertips down your son’s back. “You really think I’m gunna get mad at you for doing diaper duty? You can just put him down. He’ll wander around.”

“You got them from here?” Your dad asked as he took a step over to the stairs.

“I got it.” You said with a nod. “Thank you, Daddy.” He nodded his head and headed up the stairs to go back to work.

“I like him.” Mark said as he came over and sat down on the bed at your knees and watched Theo grab a book from the box to look at.

“My dad? He’s a good man. I love him to death but I hate that he is constantly coming down to help. It’s not his responsibility, you know? I get that he wants to help and all but still. He’s already done so much for me…”

“Are you trying to fault him for being a good grandfather?”

“That’s not what I mean.” You huffed as you propped yourself up on your hand. “I just feel bad that he feels like he needs to come down here when I take a nap when one of the boys makes even the littlest sound. That’s my job. He’s my dad, not theirs.”

“Sweetheart. You need to stop beating yourself up for getting help. That’s all you do…”

“Well shouldn’t I be the one taking care of the children I made?” You interrupted with a hiss. “I got myself into this situation, I should be the one taking care of everything, right?”

“Wrong.” Mark said as he leaned back against your legs. “Kitten, you can’t go at it alone. Period. Especially because you are half Italian and half Greek. I’ve seen My Big Fat Greek wedding and enough mob movies to know that Greek and Italian families are all up in everyone’s business…”

“Jesus, this isn’t like the fucking Godfather.” You laughed.

“You need to be nicer to me.” He teased as he sat up to pick up Theo and his book. “Or this is going to be a very tortuous courtship for you.”

“Oh, my God, you are ridiculous.”

“What do we have to read Theo? Dr. Seuss? Alright, let’s do this.” With a shake of your head, you laid back down with Luca to wait for him and your other two boys to wake up for play time.

Part 3