#like I would still want this even if Mike was absolutely fucking ripped bc it’s not abt bodies it’s abt the dynamic between them

[aemiron-main]

also I do think that will should get to hug Mike in one of those hugs where he picks him up a bit. i just think he should get to lift his boyfriend up!! i don’t even mean this in a “buff byers has to be strong and domineering” way, I mean it in a “they’re both dorks and I want Will to hug Mike so tightly after that pathetic airport hug that he lifts Mike up a bit and they’re both laughing and they both almost fall over and Mike deserves to be flustered bc usually he’s the one trying to get people to lean on him so I want to see him lean on others/be cared for by others even just in small ways” way.

[were-wolverine]

more of punk!steve bc i adore him

steve first runs into the Party at the arcade (where he works part time because he wants to make his own money as a ‘fuck you’ to his parents and cuz it’s a chill job) and he becomes their favorite worker and they become his favorite customers. one day steve takes a smoke break in the parking lot and sees some kids bullying the Party and his older brother instincts kick in.

he walks up behind the party like “well well what do we have here?” and the Party is like “steve!! :D” and steve in his leather jacket and ripped jeans and combat boots glares down the bullies and they scamper off. from then on steve tells the kids to go to him if someone is bothering them and it becomes town-wide knowledge not to mess with byers wheeler henderson & sinclair. he basically becomes their personal Scary Dog.

the parents end up wanting to meet this young man who kept bullies away from their kids (and they’ve heard all sorts of rumors about him and he dresses like That so they’re suspicious) and steve’s like “yeah sounds great!” and immediately charms all of them because he’s a sweetheart and does genuinely care about and want to protect their kids. from then on he’s the go-to babysitter / ride to school / campaign host. steve pretends to be annoyed but he loves it and treats them all like they’re his younger siblings (especially lucas and dustin)

joyce and steve bond especially and they have coffee dates every sunday and just talk (joyce tries to get steve to come to her when he needs help or just someone to listen). at first everyone who sees them is super confused because what is paranoid mother Joyce Byers doing with the high school bad boy Steve Harrington?? but after a couple months it just becomes commonplace and people will even stop by to say hi

i also think jonathan and steve would end up being best friends in like freshman year and steve would get jancy together in s1 (steve and nancy don’t date). he’s never a third wheel though they have a great “this is my boyfriend and our best friend steve” type relationship. (plus jonathan never takes the creepy pics and the whole fight never happens so they’re all chill).

steve and robin are fellow outcasts so they’re chill. then steve beats up some guys who harassed her and they become actual friends and steve lets robin come over whenever her parents are being shitty. steve lowkey converts her into a punk and they basically do illegal shit and have a bunch of fun.

btw steve is a fully realized biromantic demisexual (or just queer whatv lol) and he has an extremely accurate gaydar which is partially why stobin become friends. anyways i’m mentioning this becauseee

steve meets will byers and Immediately Knows and pretty much comes out to him and tells him it’s okay and he becomes wills Gay Mentor (imo jonathan can either be straight or queer and just not really informed abt gay shit so steve would be the mentor in his place bc they’re basically brothers anyway (joyce absolutely tries to adopt steve multiple times)).

steve meets max at the arcade before any of the Party befriend her and she immediately becomes another of his favorite customers (the ranking is dustin, will & lucas & max, mike). she thinks he’s super cool and basically projects onto him as an older brother figure and he’s happy to play the part. he notices the way billy treats max and threatens him that if he ever treats her like that again he will kill him and hopper will help him hide the body. things are pretty peaceful for max after that. additionally neil hargrove gets arrested for domestic and child abuse and billy takes his car and leaves without a word. max’s mom still drinks so steve kinda unofficially adopts her, she has her own room in his house and ends up staying there most days. he ends up actually adopting her later but they’re still more of an older brother & younger sister dynamic than father & daughter

steve doesn’t interact with eddie until s4 but they know of each other and are on neutral terms until the byers move to cali and eddie starts DMing for dustin lucas mike erica and max (who steve managed to convince to play). they’re wary of each other at first but eddie realizes steve is actually a huge softie and steve realizes eddie is just a cute dork who reads LOTR and plays D&D.

steve isn’t on any sports teams or anything but he works out on his own, goes for jogs every morning with jonathan and nancy especially after the demogorgon and demodog shit. basically he’s fit and good at fighting (due to more experience with it) and nancy taught him how to shoot so he can do that too. most of his scars are from demo-creatures instead of fistfights, though he has a few of those too (not from jonathan or billy tho).

[rainparadefromhell]

s4 "quick" review.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

.

.

.

this is probably the best piece of television i have ever seen. this is why i am so in love with writing and characters and storylines and imagination and creativity and my god do the duffer brothers have all those things. i am actually in awe.

some things that i LOVED that come to mind :

- literally loved every new character?? except jason, is that even his name he can rot why was he in every corner with the satanic shit giving me a migraine smh, eddie is the loml, rip chrissy she was cute and more importantnly steve FINALLY made a new friend his age yay!!!

- steve harrington is gonna do one thing every season and that is be steve harrington aka slay every and any one and he is the best character blabla u already know. also him fucking tearing that bat creature apart was so hot for no reason

- dustin!!!!!????! CARRIED this season. always loved him but his humor really stood out to me this season, gaten acted his ass off

- lucas and that little speech telling max he is always there for her? he has my heart

- sadie oscar when?

- i was screaming "WILLIAM!!" at any mike and will scene. idk why the government name jumped out of me buuuut oh my god i felt so bad bc he is clearly in love w mike and i don't think it's reciprocated....i do think mike knows bc some of them scenes were so awkward but cute i love will

- loved seeing jonathan be so fun (i mean he was high most of the time but still lolol)

- robin????? kiss??? me???? oh MY GOD, her steve and dustin were my absolute favorites, everything she says is comedic gold

- VECNA'S ORIGIN STORY FUCKING DUFFER BROTHERS PLEASE SPARE SOME TALENT. no but i was screaming "he's number one!!!!" when he tricked el. the actor is so talented and his monologue was perfectly evil without being corny. i LOVED them fleshing out the villains more and the whole 1920s victor creel storyline with that beautiful house and the clocks and everything was so stunning visually???

- THE FUCKING SPECIAL EFFECTS CGI WHATEVER THE FUCK WHEN VECNA WOULD BREAK PPLS BONES IT LOOKED SO FUCKING CREEPY AND AWFUL AND SADISTIC AND AMAZING R U KIDDING ME????? this just put ST on another level. the way that that genuinely freaked me out so much with their jaws hanging and missing eyes??? it was truly horror this season.

- hopper and the russian prison guard fighting the demogorgon actually had me on the edge of my seat, it was amazing!! also joyce saving the day by pushing random buttons is such a joyce thing to do lol.

- imma need a written note from netflix and the duffer brothers that my girl el will live a nice, calm and comfortable life in an isolated cabin somewhere after all of this on my desk by monday bc tf?? millie was just flexing her talent bc she was crying and in pain like 90% of the season so far. chefs kiss as always

- dr. br*nner is the biggest piece of shit i have ever seen and if we ever cross paths he is catching these hands. bitch.

things i didn't like :

- there is seriously just one big thing and that is nancy and steve. i love both characters and steve is prob my favorite even but my god do they just not fit at all....nancy and jonathan are both calm and very similar and i just wanted steve to thrive whether by himself or with a new girl. the show made a point that nancy never really loved him and now suddenly it's true love? give me a break, they barely interacted in ages. it just seemed like they didn't know what to do so they used them for cheap drama even though the nancy and jonathan long distance issues were, in my opinion, enough and completely valid and relatable. also emotional cheating isn't cute.

- wanted to see more of mike. a lot of people don't like him but i do. feels like the show doesn't know what to do with him sometimes though.

and that's it. bc the season was basically perfect in my eyes. 10/10

i was, as i'm sure many people as well worried that ST would decline in quality after season 3, hell even 2. but s4 just proved me the fuck wrong. it is absolutely my favorite season so far. i know we are getting a s5 but this makes me want at least 5 more!!!!! but i do trust the duffer brothers to end everything on a high note. but i just cannot wrap my mind over how good this season was??? everything just clicked with el's backstory in the lab and vecna's origin story they REALLY thought everything through and it SHOWS.

this is what tv should be. just pure talent and a thought out idea. and of course an incredible cast. what a delight. i am filled with serotonin. congrats to everyone involved in making this season from the creators to the cast & crew. we will be talking about s4 of stranger things for a looooooong time you best believe.

in short I FUCKING LOVE ART!!!!!!!

[gaystuartlittle]

number 24 for the festive prompts. anything u want but stan uris Must be there. he is a necessity bc i miss him

“Secret Santa is bullshit”

Rating: T (cause Richie) Words: 1,049

Eddie groaned as he sat down on the couch next to Richie. Ben had talked them all into doing a Secret Santa gift exchange, so now they were all seated in Bill's basement getting ready to give their gifts. Eddie had grumbled about it when they all drew names - he wanted Richie, of course, so he could have an excuse to get him a really good gift. But he got stuck with Stan. Okay, not stuck with Stan. He loves Stan. But not the way he loves Richie. 

"Why are we even doing this? We all know Secret Santa is bullshit anyways," Eddie complained, to which Richie scowled.

"Absolutely not, Spaghetti man. Secret Santa is a sacred act. I am hurt that you would insult it so," Richie said dramatically, feigning injury. 

"You know what? I feel bad for whoever you drew. Because I think we all know you probably got them some trashy gift like a porno magazine," Eddie grumbled as he fidgeted with his sweater sleeve.

"Is that a hint? Because I will happily buy you a porno magazine. Anything for my Eds," Richie smiled and pinched Eddie's cheek. Eddie just swatted his hand away, mumbling, "Not my name, dickwad."

"Okay, let's start! I'll pass out the gifts one at a time!" Ben exclaimed. He was clad in a festive sweater and a Santa hat. He grabbed the first gift under the tiny tree Bev had provided. It was the box Eddie had wrapped for Stan. He knew Stan would like it, but he was still oddly nervous. 

"This one's for you, Stan!" Ben said enthusiastically as he passed the gift over to Stan. Stan smiled at the wrapping paper: it had little birds in the snow all over it. Eddie had picked it out just for him. He meticulously peeled back the paper along the fold, ensuring he didn't rip it at all. It was impressive - Stan was able to unwrap the whole present without so much as a tiny tear in the paper. 

Stan glanced down at the box in front of him, a wide grin spreading across his face. It was a puzzle of the United States, where each state had a picture of its state bird. 

"This is perfect. Who got this for me? I cannot wait to go home and put it together." Stan had the widest smile ever on his face. 

"It was me," Eddie said, matching Stan's smile. He was glad his friend loved his gift so much.

"Alright! Next!" Richie exclaimed. Of course the Trashmouth just wanted to get his own gift.

Ben kept passing out the gifts, and they were all surprisingly thoughtful. Mike had gotten a book about Florida from Stan, Bill had gotten a book with 365 different writing prompts from Ben, Beverely had gotten a necklace that said "Losers" from Mike, Ben got a New Kids on the Block t-shirt and poster from Bill, and Richie got a book called "How to be Funny" from Bev. All that was left was Eddie. He had pieced everything together, and knew by now that Richie had gotten him his gift.

"Last one!" Ben said happily as he passed a gift over to Eddie. 

"I think I'm afraid to open this," Eddie grimaced. It was wrapped in Christmas Garfield wrapping paper, and Eddie wondered where Richie even found that. 

"Don't worry, your mom helped me pick it out," RIchie said with a smile and wink. Eddie just shoved at him and went to peel back the paper. When he unwrapped it, he found a journal. Except the journal wasn't blank. It was filled cover to cover with writing and drawings and photos. Eddie felt his heart in his throat as he thumbed through the pages.

"Rich… did you do all this?" Eddie asked, focusing hard on stopping the tears that he felt creeping up. Richie blushed a bit, but he answered with a nod. Eddie kept looking through the pages. There were playlists, jokes, stories - basically anything that runs through Richie's mind. It was the best gift Eddie had ever gotten.

"Thank you. Really. You surprised me, I thought for sure you'd get me something dumb like a shirt that said 'My best friend fucked my mom' or something," Eddie said with a light laugh. He still felt tense all over, filled with love and anxiety. 

"That's a good idea for next year!" Richie exclaimed, scooting towards Eddie to further invade his personal space. He craned his neck to look over Eddie's shoulder at the notebook. By now, everyone had returned to their own little worlds. Mike was looking through his book with Stan, and Bill, Bev, and Ben had gone upstairs to grab more snacks.

Eddie was very conscious of how close Richie was. He could feel his breath on his neck, and it sent shivers up his spine. He wanted more than anything to just turn around and kiss him. He turned the page in the journal, reaching a playlist called "Eddie." Eddie scanned the songs, and they all seemed to be love songs. He wasn't familiar with all of them, as Richie had an obscure music taste, but the ones he had heard were definitely love songs. A voice in the back of his mind was screaming What does this mean? 

They heard Bill call down for the rest of them to come up and grab their food. Mike and Stan hurried up the stairs, and Richie was getting up to do the same. Eddie reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could get too far. 

"Wait, Rich. I wanted to give you my gift, too," Eddie said nervously. He had to do this now or he would never do it again.

"What gift? You weren't supposed to get anyone else a gift! Breaking the rules for me, Eds?" Richie grinned at Eddie, and his gaze was hypnotic. Before Eddie could talk himself out of it, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Richie's. This kiss was quick, but it was sweet. When Eddie pulled back, he felt his cheeks redden and was immediately self conscious. He stared at Richie, looking for some sign of a reaction. 

Richie just smiled at him and said, "See? Secret Santa isn't such bullshit now, is it?"

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[takemealivelh]

If requests are still open, can you do a Luke Hemmings x reader where it’s that cocktail chats, and the reader is the one directing & filming bc she’s known for being good at both so they get her down to do it. Luke has a massive crush on her, either before she shows up or when she does show up and he’s thinking “shit” lmao. So when they get really shitfaced, he says something on camera about her & gradually starts hitting on her until he asks her out lol

ALRIGHT! This took me forever but I DID IT! Proud of this one (I think)

This one’s for ya!

(Luke’s POV)

One of our strong points as a band, besides creating and performing music we believe in, is how we interact with our fans. They know us, they know we're up for a good time and we don't shy away from making fools out of ourselves. The Cocktail Chats seemed like a good idea to get it all together in one project. That was until I found out who was directing and filming.

"She should be here any second" Ashton scrolled through his phone. We were waiting for the crew to set up the cameras, lighting and audio at his kitchen, and we'd gotten there a few hours before just to help him clean up. 

"Who?" I made the dumb mistake of asking. Michael, Calum and Ashton looked at me wide-eyed with the biggest looking frown on their faces. "What?"

"Are you fucking serious? We discussed this weeks ago, mate" Michael shook his head. He immediately started laughing when I didn't reply, "okay, maybe your brain has been pushing it to the back so you didn't shit your pants every day we got closer to filming." Ashton laughed along and high-fived our guitarist. None of them answered my question, though.

I looked for Calum's face, but he didn't help me out either. 

The doorbell rang, "she's here!" Ashton smiled and got up from his spot on the kitchen table. 

"This is going to be good" Michael laughed under his breath before pushing himself off the countertop and walking towards the front door behind Ash. "Hey!" I heard him yell in excitement and a few other voices greeting them. "Hey man, you drove everyone here?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. I wasn't going to miss this, you four getting drunk and discussing music?" Alex's voice was unmistakable, and I was glad he'd come around, "wouldn't fucking miss it, also I wanted to help. Where are the other two? We need to set all this equipment."

"Cal! Luke! Don't be dicks and come help out"

When I got to the front door and saw Ashton's arm around her shoulders, her hands holding a camera tripod, I felt the colour fade from my face. 

Maybe Mike was right.

-

"Can you move a little bit closer to the mic, Cal? Please?"

I saw her giving directions, saw her being her charming professional self. Carrie seemed to have everything under control but never stopped being the lovely person she is. When Ashton stood next to her, asking her about how they'd bring the concept to life, she explained her vision with such eloquence that I decided I could listen to her talk about her work for hours. She was a smart, creative, kind person. I was crushing so hard on her.

"Keep the drool to a minimum," I felt someone nudge my shoulder and saw Alex with a smug smirk behind me, getting ready the shots and cocktails we were about to drink. "You're not subtle, Luke. And I worry about how you'll act when you've got some drinks in you."

I rolled my eyes, "I can be professional, mate. Thanks for the confidence boost, though."

"I'm just saying," he laughed.

-

"Everyone does a shot and then we start with introductions, sounds good?" Carrie smiled from behind the camera. "Ashton, you go first. And... we're rolling."

The red light lit up and I felt my hands starting to sweat. I only needed to play it cool, just for a couple of hours. I'd been drunk before, and I'd been drunk before around her as well. It never went bad, but maybe because Cal had to drag me out of the party before I embarrassed myself. 

"Let it begin..."Ashton did a shot and the rest of us followed suit. I tried to be cool and impress her by being expressionless as the burning alcohol went down my throat. 

It didn't work.

"Hello, I'm Ashton, I'm the drummer in the band..."

"Hello, for everyone out there who doesn't know who I am, I'm Calum Hood..."

"I'm Michael, I play guitar in 5 seconds of summer..."

"I'm Luke..." my brain completely betrayed me when I saw her smile from the other side of the camera, "I'm NOT 6'4, I'm 6'2 at best..."

The more drinks I got in me, the sloppier I got, the stupider I got, the more I embarrassed myself. 

Oh god, she was so pretty when she laughed at my dumb jokes. 

"Can you tell him to say it without the word genius?" I heard her faintly over the loud mess we had going on. Ashton repeated the question I swear I saw a smirk on her face.

Of course, I messed up, again. 

-

"I think we need a break" 

"I think we need like 3 breaks," Mike was slouched on the floor next to the camera, "I can't concentrate for shit. Hey, man! When did you get here?"

The kitchen was quickly getting more crowded. When Ashton said that he started a party because he got drunk, he wasn't joking. From 8 people, we were now at 25. My words were starting to spill out of my mouth without any filter and I was partly worried that I would profess my undying love for her in front of everyone. But I was also feeling a bit confident, every time I made her laugh or blush -even faintly- I felt good. Maybe she liked me as well.

"You want a drink?" I offered her a glass of some cocktail we were drinking. Carrie smiled at me and showed me the half-empty glass in her hand. "Oh, you already have one. You want another one after that?"

"Luke! Stop giving her drinks, mate! You're so unprofessional"

Ashton laughed from the other side of the kitchen, slurping the rest of his cocktail, "we're discussing music while we're getting drunk, Cal. I think professional flew out the window a few hours ago"

She smiled at me and sipped the rest of her drink. Was I imagining things or was she maintaining a playful eye contact with me? Was it my vivid desires playing tricks to my drunken mind or was she running her hand up and down my arm? "I like you in this shirt, it suits you" she whispered.

I think my heart almost stopped beating.

- 

"Guys, you can do it. Only two more songs, alright?"

Michael and Cal made their way around the kitchen, trying to get everyone either to stay quiet or to go party on the backyard. Ashton was bopping his head to the beat of Empty Wallets.

The first piano part has always reminded me of N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye, and since we were all pretty shitfaced by now, decency had left the room a while ago. 

"I'm not gonna play anymore because that is fire"

"Wow"

"Pure Fuego"

"You're gonna burn down your house, Ash"

I could see Carrie trying to contain the laughter as we all teased Ashton.

"Thank you, audience participants. That was very supportive."

I sat next to her as the rest of the band did their part of the video. I saw Alex's cheeky grin at me, and Mike's eyebrows wiggle at me when Carried shifted in the stool and subtly brushed her body against mine. I thought my body wouldn't be able to take that much heat.

-

We had finished talking about Ghost Of You and now we were doing the Deluxe tracks of the album. But it was likely that none of that footage was going to end up in the actual videos. We were absolutely smashed. Michael had to go out to take some air, Cal went out for a smoke and Alex and Ash followed to spend some time with all the people they had invited over.

It was just me and Carrie.

"Alright, Luke. Monsters Among Men. What's it mean?"

"Er..." my mind was racing five hundred thoughts at the speed of light. Her hair had been put up in a ponytail because the temperature in the room had gone up quickly in the past 20 minutes. She had a few strands of hair stuck with sweat to her skin and the cleavage exposed by her v-neck shirt was glistening. I couldn't focus. 

She gave me a sly smile, "are you gonna talk, or?"

"You're cute" I blurted out.

"You're drunk"

The way her nose crinkled when she teased me, the way the lighting hit the side of her face, the way she wiped the sweat off her forehead with two fingers... I needed to ask her out. "You're still cute when I'm sober, though"

"Wow, real smooth, Hemmings"

"I try"

Her laugh was enough to give me the last boost of confidence.

"You wanna go out with me? Not tonight, I won't be good company if I'm about to throw up all the time"

Carrie laughed and turned the camera off. "Alright, no deluxe," she said under her breath, shaking her head. I could feel my throat starting to close, she was breathtaking and I had asked her out and she wasn't replying and oh my god did I make a dick move?

"I'm free next week," she smiled.

Thank fucking god, "it's a date then."

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[just-jordie-things]

Drinking Confessions (and a miracle too) - Richie Tozier

word count: 6939 warnings: swearing, smoking, drinking (lots of it), mentions of possible sexual harassment, pent up derpession and anxiety, aaaaand Henry Bowers a/n: for @i-heart-movies bc y’all were ready for some Richie Tozier and I am servin it up on a silver bronzeish platter lmao enjoy

Becoming friends was just about the easiest thing you’ve ever done.  In fact, you couldn’t quite remember how it had happened.  Sometime in elementary school you were paired up together for some science project, and one thing led to another and now you were best friends.  And Richie Tozier did not look like the kind of crowd y/n l/n would waste her time with.

He was loud, and vulgar.  He wore ripped jeans and band shirts.  His language was about as foul (if not fouler) than a sailor’s.  While he was smart for his age, he put no effort into his studies.  He smoked on campus, spent fridays drowning in liquor at one of the more popular kid’s parties.  So drunk he’d barely keep his eyes open.  He got into fights with the Bowers gang, whether he started it or not, he always finished it.  He’d spend days away from home, crashing at a friend’s place, once so out of it on a park bench in November.

You weren’t a quiet girl, and you weren’t shy.  But you didn’t quite meet Richie’s extremities.  You wore jeans, a sweater, something comfortable and soft.  You swore, sure what teenager didn’t, but not to the extent of your friend’s obscenities.  You drank with him occasionally, even sharing a smoke every once in awhile.  But your clothes didn’t reek of cigarettes the same way his did.  You stayed clear of any sort of drama, no matter what disgusting thing Henry and his goons would slur at you, you’d turn the other way and pretend to not have heard it.  You followed your parents’ curfew, even though you knew deep down they didn’t give a shit if you ever came home.  And most of all, you studied your ass off for your grades, for at least two hours a day.

But oh, the time wasted with Richie was time cherished.

You were sitting on your desk chair, feet up on the edge of your bed and knees bent to properly keep your Bio textbook in place.  Flipping through pages and highlighting anything you felt needed reviewing.  Richie, who was sprawled on your bed and feeding you nonsense about some stupid thing Henry did, was not so eager to spend his Saturday studying in your room.

“y/n, this is boring” He complained for the umpteenth time.

“You said that��� You replied, words awkward as the highlighter cap was between your teeth.  “I told you that you didn’t have to keep me company” You chided.  Also not particularly fond of him distracting you.

“Why can’t we just go to Jess’s? It’s supposed to be fun” He prompted, hoping you’d cave and go to the party with him.

“We went last weekend, what’s more special about this one? They’re all the same” You said, capping your marker.  Richie groaned and rolled his eyes, sitting up to face you.

“First of all, parties are for fun, and it’s the fucking weekend, so we should have fun” He argued.  You let him go on with hi persuading.  “Second, they’re not completely the same.  Bill said he’d go” This earned a chuckle from you.

“Really? Bill?” You stated sarcastically.  “He wants to go to party with a bunch of drunks, that always just ends with me trying to get you home before you puke on yourself?” Richie stared blankly at you.

“I’ve never puked on myself y/n” He stated matter of factly.

“Even if you had, you wouldn’t remember it” You said with a bark of a laugh.  “Face it Rich, you just go to get shit faced and why can’t you do that here where I can take care of you before you kill yourself?”

“Oh please, I’d never-”

“Two weeks ago you didn’t make it home, and you spent the night on a fucking park bench” You said, trying to not sound angry as you reminded him of the incident.

When he’d told you that he was that wasted, you had completely blown up on him.  About how irresponsible he was and that it was forty degrees outside and all he’d worn was a tee shirt and jeans last night.  You yelled about all the terrible scenarios that could have happened if Stan hadn’t found him on a early morning bird watching walk.  That he could’ve gotten kidnapped or molested or killed.  Your anger only bubbled more when Richie had told you to chill because he was fine.  He didn’t know your anger had come from a place of absolute concern.

“Right, and if you’re there, it won’t happen again” He promised.  You chewed on your lip, still not sure it was a good idea.

“I don’t know Rich it just doesn’t seem healthy”

“Like you’ve got a clean ledger” He retorted sarcastically.

“Alright so I’m not a virgin pure but I am not as insane as you” You said, and both of you began to laugh.  Richie shrugging, nodding his head knowing that compared to him, you were God’s favorite angel.

“Fine, I’ll give you that one” He said, liking the way you smiled as you tried to stop your laughing.  “But still, you and I never have fun together”

“What’re you talking about we hang out all the time” You said, scrunching up your eyebrows at such an accusation.

“Sure, but we don’t go out anymore” He said, looking down to fiddle with your sheets and avoid eye contact.  “We used to all the time, especially with the whole gang but…” You sighed, reaching your hand out to his, halting his fidgeting.

After the clown incident in ‘84, you and the Losers had made a literal blood promise to stick together, to come together if something this horrific ever happened again.  But after Bev left town a few months later, everyone began to break apart.  Ben was next to go, thn Mike, followed by Stan, and then Eddie.  Bill still talked to you and Richie here and there.  A brief hello in the halls, small discussion about your weekends in class. But other than that, it was just you and Richie.  Which you’d grown to be very grateful for.

“I know” You finally breathed out.  Keeping your emotions under control.  It’s been a year of managing them and so far you hadn’t broken once, which you prided yourself for.  It was much better to handle it internally instead of breaking down like a weak girl in front of him.  Richie sighed as well, and shook his head to rid his own feelings.

“Anyways.  We should go.  In like… an hour” He decided.  You nodded, half smiling as he grinned with excitement.  “Really? We can?” He asked eagerly and you laughed quietly, looking back to your textbook.

“One hour.  And no more than three beers!” You ordered, and he nodded, crossing an x over his chest with his finger.

“Promise!” He exclaimed, and you shook your head with laughter at his antics before getting back to your studying.

Now you could use those three beers.

“WHOOO!” All you could hear was booming music and screaming as you got out of your car, stuffing your keys into the pocket of your jeans.

“I can’t believe this is your scene” You sighed, but Richie grinned at you, pushing his glasses up his nose and slinging an arm over your shoulder.

“Come on babe lighten up” He said, taking an unopened beer right out of some guy’s hand.  The guy tried to chastise him, but was too drunk already to get the proper words out.

“Jesus it’s not even ten o’clock” You said, staring wide eyed at the drunken stumbling guy.  Richie didn’t even cast a glance over his shoulder, just yanked off the metal cap and threw back a long drink of the beer.  You cringed.  “Beer is ghastly” You muttered.

“Beer is ghastly” He repeated in a posh accent he often used to mock you.  Usually when you studied and would whisper things out loud to better remember them.  You laughed, nudging his rib with your elbow but he just tugged you closer, opening the door and letting you inside first.

The house was just raging.  With everything you expected to be at a high school party.  Drunks, stoners, sluts, sweaty dancing bodies, hormones off the charts.  You stuck close to Richie, like you did at every party you were dragged into.

“Come on hot stuff let’s go have some fuckin’ fun” He said, and you managed the best smile towards him you could as he pulled you with him towards the kitchen.

“No more than three” You reminded him, and he nodded, repeating the cross of his heart as he finished off the bottle he’d been holding.  You ogled at how quickly he’d drowned the liquid, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Number two doll!” He hollered, releasing you and maneuvering his way to the cooler that was sitting next to the counter.  He fished out a bottle, and you peeked down into the large tub of ice.  Multiple things in there, and you were certain none of them were a cherry cola.

You sighed, shrugged a shoulder, and bent over to grab a bottle similar to Richie’s.  He watched you out of surprise.  Sure, you were no virgin to alcohol, but you certainly weren’t… well… experienced.  Really just a sip when passing around a bottle, one drink from the spiked Prom night punch.

“Drinking for any reason?” He pondered, and you stared at him as you popped the cap off by wedging it on the edge of the counter.  It flung somewhere you didn’t see, but you heard the metal clatter on the floor.

“Yeah” You said, throwing it back like it was normal for you.  “To get drunk” You said.  You swallowed thickly, ignoring the disgusting taste and the way it made your mouth and throat feel sticky.

Richie just stared at you, still holding his unopened beer.  He didn’t know what to say, you’d never been like this before.  But he felt some sort of relief that he was there, that if you ended up sick that he could take you home.

“Alright just… take it easy babe” He said, copying your actions to remove the cap, and taking a tentative drink.

“Mhm” You mumbled, finally stopping for a breath and wiping your mouth with your sleeve.  His eyes flickered to your bottle to see half it’s contents were still there.  He looked around anxiously, leg bouncing as his thoughts wandered off.  “I know what I’m doing, I took Health last year” You told him, waving a dismissive hand before drinking again.

“Uh huh, stay here for a moment I gotta… I’m gonna use the bathroom I’ll be right back okay?” You nodded, beginning to bounce to the music booming throughout the house.  “Don’t move, I’ll be right back” He said sternly.  You grinned, setting the empty bottle on the counter and proudly looking at it.

“And mama says I never accomplished anything” You laughed at yourself and reached for another bottle.

Richie rushed out to the living room, pushing through the bodies in search of a phone, anywhere.

“Move, move, out of the way, move” He kept muttering, trying to keep his chill around the more… begrudging… bodies.  “Move, fucking move!” He started yelling louder, being more forceful and plowing past the crowd, towards the staircase.  He climbed the quickly, opening every door he passed, and jesus there were a lot of doors.

“Get out pervert!” A girl screamed, throwing what he through was a bra towards him before closing the door as quickly as he opened it.  Snickering and wincing at once.  Just as he was about to open another one, it swung open on it’s own.  Nearly hitting him and knocking his glasses off of his face.  But he stumbled back and adjusted them, seeing it hadn’t hauntingly opened.  The person exiting the room being Henry Bowers.

“Damn Tozier… the fuck you doing up here?” he asked, raising a flask to his lips and throwing back a quick gulp.

“Looking for a phone, now get out of my fucking way” Richie groaned, pushing the older boy, (only by a year, but Henry was repeating senior year because he didn’t have the credits to graduate) out of the way and searching through the room.

“The fuck did you just say to me Trashmouth?” Henry taunted.  Richie groaned out of frustration, not feeling the need to throw a punch and argue with Bowers, so he stomped back to the doorway, shut it, and locked the door so he wouldn’t give him any more trouble.  “Pussy!” Henry yelled, then made his way back downstairs.

“Mullet wearing pig fucking asshole” Richie grumbled, punching in one of the few numbers he still knew by heart and listening to the line ring.

He could’ve sworn it had been five minutes, tops.  Just five minutes of being apart from you.  It had to have been, how much time could have possibly passed? All he did was go upstairs, and make a call.

But when he came back down to see you on the dining room table, swinging your hips around seductively to a song he knew you couldn’t have known, time seemed to have been shorter upstairs.

(Another explanation, he thought, was that all time had stopped, and it was the end of the world.  Because this was never something he would’ve guessed to see)

And as he came back down to reality, that this was actually happening, he took in his surroundings.  There was a crowd around the table, around you, cheering you on, waving drinks and offering you more.  Richie’s mouth opened, and for a split second he lost all sense of how talking even worked.

“Dance! Dance!”

“Come on baby don’t stop those hips from moving!”

Everyone’s yelling and cheering and all the remarks- Richie was about ready to throw you over his shoulder and drag you all the way home, never to party again, never to drink again.

“Hey- hey everybody out of the fucking way!” He finally found his voice, shoving through a group of the more… vulgar commenting… boys.  And that was saying something from Richie’s perspective.  “Move! That means you asshole!” His voice grew more rigid, pissed that anybody other than him would dare speak of you in such ways.

“Richie?” You mumbled.  “Rich what’re… you’re… why’re you ‘ere?” You slurred, your movements stopping as he reached out for you.

“Come on y/n, we gotta get you home” He said in his gentlest voice.  You pouted, but took his hands and let him help you off the table.

“But I don’t wanna” You complained, and he wrapped when of your arms around his neck, seeing as even in flat bottomed shoes you couldn’t walk properly.  His other arm was around your waist, guiding you quickly away from all these freaks.

“Your mom will be pissed if I bring you back shit faced” He told you simply.  You stomped a foot, but it was a weak movement and didn’t even slow him down.

“But ‘m nnnot” You slurred.

“Yes, y/n, you are-”

“You heard the girl”

In seconds you were pulled out of Richie’s arms, and he spun around instantly to see Henry holding you upright, awkwardly.  Richie could’ve socked him across the face right there.

“What, the fuck, do you think you’re doing?” Richie gritted through his teeth.  Henry smirked back at him.

“Giving this girl the time of her life” He said.  “It is a party, isn’t it?” Henry asked, looking to you.  But your head was beginning to fall.

“No no y/n don’t fall aslee-”

“Fuck off Mama Tozier” Henry pushed Richie away, making the curly haired boy scowl and leap back towards him, taking you out of his arms swiftly and into his, embracing you against his chest carefully while glaring daggers at Henry over your shoulder.

“If you ever, fucking touch her again, I’ll shove that rusty fucking flask so far up your ass you’ll choke on it.  It’d be kinda hard for you to suck dick then wouldn’t it?” He threatened angrily.  Henry moved to swing, but some guy behind him grabbed his wrist and pushed him to the ground.  The bully toppled with ease from his intoxication, and Richie thanked the stranger before rushing you outside.

“Rich?” You mumbled, and almost fell over, bringing him with you, if he hadn’t secured his hold on you tighter.

“It’s okay princess, almost to the car” Richie said softly, rubbing your arms to warm you up in the bitter night air of Derry.  “I had a friend pick us up, okay? We can come back for your car in the morning” He knew that everything he was telling you was going in one ear and out the other, but he hoped that the gentle talking would calm you down.

“M’kie dokie” You mumbled, head falling on his shoulder as he guided you the rest of the way to the street.

“Fuck Richie” A familiar voice said, but you couldn’t quite place it.  And you couldn’t keep your eyes open long enough to see more than a blurry, but… short figure? “Can she even fuckin’ stand?”

“Nope” Richie replied, opening the back car door, and hoisting you inside.  You mentally thanked him, not realizing you didn’t even say the words out loud.

“Jesus” The voice sighed.  “I’ve never seen her so fuckin’... out of it”

“Yeah.  Me either Eds” Richie breathed.  It was quiet for a moment, before Richie climbed in behind you, and the other boy went to the driver’s seat.

“Eddie Spaghetti?” You called, Richie’s slip of a name tipping you off on who your driver was.  Eddie smiled to himself, glancing at the both of you through his rearview mirror.  Richie was placing his hoodie around your shoulders like a blanket, and the thing was already too big for him so it looked like you were swimming in the material.

“Yeah it’s me n/n” He responded in a quiet voice.  His mind filling with the sad but strong feeling of nostalgia.

“Yay” You whispered, fingers rubbing the insides of Richie’s jacket.  Sometime between then and Eddie starting the car, you curled against the boy sitting with you, finding his body warmth much more pleasing than a nice smelling sweater.  “Mm you haven’t been smoking” You whispered, and Richie looked down at you as you got comfortable against his chest.

“No babe, I’ve been trying to stop” He told you honestly.

“ ‘m glad, you smell so good when you aren’t” You mused happily.  Eddie looked at the mirror again, both him and Richie sharing a wide eyed look.  Eddie’s more of shock, but Richie’s filled with… well the germaphobe could’ve sworn he saw hearts in Richie’s irises.

“Thanks babe” He finally responded, and you smiled in response.  A few minutes passed before he realized your breathing had slowed down.  “Hey, hey try not to fall asleep yet okay?” He leaned down towards you more to tuck your hair back out of your face, rubbing gentle circles on your back.

“Okay beautiful” You murmured, and worked harder to keep your eyes open.

Eddie snorted.

“The fuck you laughing at?” Richie asked, still caressing your back.

“Okay, beautiful” He gushed mockingly.  Though it didn’t embarrass Richie the way that he thought it would.  Just made his cheeks slightly pink as he looked down at your resting form, smiling softly down at you.

“Just a few more minutes” He promised you, and you nodded against him.

The rest of the ride was quiet, more back rubs and little noises you’d make when Eddie went over a bump or you passed a light too bright.

When he pulled into the driveway, you were just a few more minutes away from passing out.  Richie slid out of the car, took you in his arms.  Surprising you, as you’d tried to stand but he just lifted you up completely.  If you were in your right mind, you would’ve insisted on walking yourself.  But you weren’t sober enough, or awake enough, to care.  So you wrapped your arms around his neck and snuggled into him best you could.

“Thank you, Eddie” Richie said through the window Eddie had rolled down.

“Anytime.  Really” He replied quietly. A sad smile on his face.  “I’m always here for you guys… even if things have gotten weird and we’ve… well we’ve grown apart but… Loser’s club forever” Richie smiled back at him.  “Give me a call in the morning and tell me if she needs any aspirin, I’ve got every kind known to man stocked up in my cabinet” Both boys laughed quietly.

“Alright Eds I will.  Goodnight”

“Night you two” He responded, then rolled up the window, and drove back off towards his neighborhood.  You looked up from his chest as he opened the door and went inside.

“Hey! Kidnapper!” You called out while he locked the door behind you.  “This isn’t my house!”

“No babe, it’s my place.  My parents are out on business… I think… and there’s no way in hell that I’m taking you home this fucking wasted.  Your mom would beat the shit out of both of us” He told you.  You pursed your lips and nodded, looking around like it was the first time you’d been there.

He carried you up the steps, not even turning on the lights so that your eyes wouldn’t hurt.  The hall was short, he thanked God it wasn’t a maze like party-house’s had been.  He walked into his room, carefully setting you in bed and wrapping you up with blankets.  Your arms were outstretched, like you were waiting for him to lift you up again.

“No no babe, you’re in bed now, you can go to sleep” He assured you, rubbing your head with a smile.

“Oh” Was all you said, your features saddened.  You shut your eyes and rolled over, and Richie took your turned away body to change into some sweatpants and a tee shirt for bed.

“What’s on your mind babe?” He asked you, adjusting his clothes as he walked around to sit on the side you were facing.

“I’m so tired of pretending” You huffed.  Richie rose an eyebrow as he began to rub a hand up and down your arm.

“What’re you pretending about?”

“Oh… just that everything’s okay, that Pennywise never happened and I don’t have night terrors, that my parents aren’t assholes, that Henry doesn’t make his comments and that I’m not in love with you.  Just tired of keeping up this whole perfect girl act in general” You were staring off at the wall, while RIchie was staring hard at you, his lips parted in surprise at what you’d said.  His hand stopped moving, his body completely frozen.

“What?” He whispered.  You yawned, covering a hand over your mouth before flicking your eyes up to his.  “Princess, did you just… did you say that…”

“Hm?” You hummed nonchalantly.  “I trust you, who’re you gonna tell?” You shrugged.  “Just don’t tell Richie!” You said, hand grabbing is arm and looking up at him nervously.  “He’d just-! He’d… well he wouldn’t be happy”

“Why not?” He asked, hand rubbing your arm again.

“Well he… he doesn’t like girls like me.  And we’ve been friends for years so… well it just wouldn’t work” Richie smiled to himself.

“I think you’d be surprised, princess” He hummed.  You stared up at him with round eyes, and he gave you a smile.  “Okay, it’s getting late now and I don’t want to keep you up.  You should go to sleep”

“Okay” You whispered, getting comfortable in the blankets and Richie fixed up your pillow for you.  “Goodnight” Your voice came out in a mere breath as your body began to shut down.

“Goodnight beautiful” The trashmouth said softly, and reluctantly got off the bed.  Just to sit in the old, and heavily worn down recliner chair.  “Sleep well” He said, before his own eyelids fell heavily.

He woke up when he heard rustling and groaning, mostly noticing the quiet, “Oh fuck… damnit… ah shit… goddamnit”  He peeked his eyes open to see the room was blurry.  He squinted but when he moved to search for his glasses, they were already on his lap.  They must’ve fallen off when he passed out last night.

“n/n?” He called.

“Shit Richie my head hurts” You cried painfully.  Richie put his glasses on and rushed out of the room. He came back just a few minutes later, a glass of water and a handful of aspirins in his hands.  You smiled as he handed you two of the pills, then the water.

“Drink that whole thing, every drop” He ordered, but kept his voice quiet so he wouldn’t disturb your head further.  A whine left your throat but you tried not to complain.  

You didn’t want to annoy Richie any more than you probably already have.  You were certain that last night you were not a pleasant friend to have around.  Besides the fact he had to take you back to his place, probably while you were disgusting and doing god knows what.  And he was stuck sleeping on a chair all night.

“Rich I’m sorry about last night, I hope I wasn’t awful” You said, eyes narrowing as the sunlight hurt to keep them open.

“No not at all.  The opposite of awful” He told you.

“Did I puke?” You asked, quietly, like you were ashamed of it.  RIchie chuckled and shook his head.

“No babe, really, it was fine” He assured you, adjusting his own jacket on your shoulders.  “I felt bad anyways, I knew you’d hurt this morning and,” He sighed, gesturing to yourself instead of finishing his sentence.  “Anyways, I’m going to go make breakfast, you hungry? Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you” You told him with a weak smile, and finished off the glass of water.

“You sure? I could go pick something up too if you’d rather, but I don’t mind making anything if you’re in the mood for anything specific” He went on, and you smiled to yourself as you put the glass on the bedside table, only for Richie to grab it.

“I’m really alright, Rich.  Thank you” You said, squeezing your hand around his wrist.  “You’re going soft” You mused, raising an eyebrow.

“Psh” RIchie scoffed and shook his head.  “I think not” He said, heading towards the door.  You shifted awkwardly as he was about to leave the room, then followed after him.

“I think you are” You said, stumbling on your own feet but catching yourself.

“Did you just fall?” RIchie asked, turning and putting a hand on your arm to steady your balance.  You would’ve swooned if you didn’t laugh quietly.

“You’re going soft, Tozier” You told him, before descending the stairs.  Stuffing your hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt.

Richie huffed, throwing his head back as you went off somewhere on the first floor.  “Only for you sweetheart” He sighed, and followed down after you.

You both had a bowl of cereal, Richie being nervous that you wouldn’t keep anything else down very well.  You rolling your eyes at him as you tipped the bowl back to drink the leftover milk.  Refraining from making another comment about his softness.

Not that you were complaining, you were loving this from him.  The tenderness he now seemed to have with you.  And you noticed, it was just you.

Through the rest of the weekend he babied you like crazy, wrapping blankets around you making sure you finished your work and showered and took your medicine, everything from a to z.  He did it, and he did it well.

You found yourself falling more in love with him than you already were.

Monday morning rolled around all to quickly though, and when you dragged your feet out the door to where Richie was waiting, in your car, you scrunched up your face.

“Are you driving my car?” You asked, mind totally jumbled as to how he’d even gotten your keys.

“Yeah, you left it at Jess’s, so I got your keys Saturday night and got it back last night” You nodded, recalling now that you hadn’t driven since Saturday.

“Oh yeah” You said, buckling in and getting adjusted.  Still wondering what had happened after you’d walked into the party that night.  “I guess I’m glad it wasn’t stolen or anything.  And doesn’t have some obscene carving from Henry Bowers” You added with a chuckle.  Richie made a sound of disgust as he backed out of your drive and headed towards the school.  “What?”

“Nothing, we just got in another dispute Saturday” He shrugged it off, but you looked at him with worry.

“Did you get into a fight?” You asked him, not having seen any bruises like he usually wore after a few rounds with the older kid.

“Fuck no, he was holding onto you and I don’t fucking know what he would’ve done if I started swinging so I just yanked you back and got the fuck our of there” He said.  Your lips pursed, not having remembered Henry taking possession of you.

“He didn’t… he didn’t like… do anything… right?” You whispered, afraid to know the answer.

“Hell no he didn’t!” Richie called, suddenly turning sharply onto another road.  Aggression coursing through his veins.  “His ass would be grass, he’d be fucking rotting in a ditch somewhere right now if he had” He began grumbling angrily, and you reaching a hand out to his shoulder to stop him.

“Richie, stop, I believe you.  If nothing happened, then nothing happened.  I’m fine” You assured softly.  He sighed, glancing over at you before his hands eased on the steering wheel.  No longer gripping it so tightly.

“I’m calm” He said after a minute.  “It’s just a lot happened that night.  I was worried about you for a while there” He said.

“What happened?” You pondered.

“After we got you home, you just seemed really depressed.  I don’t think you realized I was the one with you”

You rubbed your eyes with your fists, under the illusion it’d help you remember better.  All you could come up with was a warm sweatshirt, and the smell of liquor on your own breath.

“We?” You asked him, having caught the nonsingular word slip.

“Yeah… I called Eddie to come pick us up.  I didn’t trust myself to drive, I’d had a drink too, and you’d had… I don’t even know how much you had” He said.  You shrugged, not having known that answer either.

“Eddie picked us up?” You smiled, and Richie nodded.  “Was he… how was he?” RIchie thought for a moment on how to respond, knowing you cared more about that than he had.  Richie had only cared about getting you home.

“He was happy that you were safe” He finally told you, which was the truth.  “And he wanted you to know he’s always there for you too” You nodded, content with his response.

“Thank you” You told him suddenly.  “I don’t think I told you that yet” You eyes wandered out the window, sighing as Richie pulled into the school’s parking lot.  Nerves settled in your stomach at the thought that you probably did something stupid and now everyone would know.

“You don’t have to thank me.  What was I going to do? Leave you there? Fuck no” You chuckled, smiling over at him.

“Alright, I won’t thank you then” You chuckled softly and gathered up your things as he parked.

“I appreciate that babe” He said, shooting you a wink, and tossing you your keys.  You caught them with an awkward fumble before stuffing them into a pocket of your backpack.

The both of you walked into school together, both feeling uneasy about the day ahead of them.  Richie more so than you, but you didn’t know what had happened the way he did.  He noticed instantaneously the whispers, the odd looks and side glances.  You didn’t seem to pick up on it, so he just directed you towards your locker as quickly as he could manage.

“So uh you have US History first period right?” He asked as you twisted in your combination.

“Yep, but I’ll see you second for Calc” You replied with a short smile towards him.  Richie returned it, but it was nervous and shaky.

“Oh my God I can’t believe she even came to school”

“I know right? I figure she’d still be hungover or something”

Richie turned sharply to the two girls strutting past, having heard their whispers, he pushed his glasses up and glared them down.

“You have something you want to fucking say Miss I-had-a-baby-last-summer?” He sneered.  You jerked your head up in surprise as to why he suddenly yelled out to Sofia Hasen, who had only been walking by.  The girl scoffed, pushing her long curly hair behind her sassily and turning to him in her heel.

“Ya betta’ watch ya’self Toziah” She said, in that voice that made you cringe on the inside.  The girl snapped her gum and glared at him.  “I’m only sayin’ what I thought was ta’ be true”

“Uh huh, fucking walk on you leftover pile of AIDs” Richie retorted, stepping towards her threateningly.  You knew Richie, and you knew that while he had his rough edges when it comes to fighting, he would never hit a girl.  But right now, the fire in his eyes sure made it seem to you that he was ready to rip out those fake extensions.

“Rich” You murmured, putting a hand on his arm and staring at him with worry creasing your forehead.  He looked at you for a moment, then back at Sofia.

“Just go fuck with somebody else if I hear your voice again, I might fucking kill myself” She scoffed, but walked off without another word.  “Thank fucking God” He mumbled, feeling full of relief right up until you slapped his arm with your once gentle hand.

“What the hell Richie are you looking to pick a fight?” You scolded him, grabbing your history textbook and slamming your locker.

“She was talking shit I wasn’t gonna just fucking let her!” He replied, leaning over you.  His curls bouncing as his body moved erratically.

“Richie what for fuck’s sake are you talking about?” You sighed, crossing your arms as you shook your head.  He was making absolutely no sense, acting out strangely, and it threw you off.  Not two days ago he was warming you up when you were already content, speaking gently and being an all around sweetheart.  Now he was being an aggressive asshole.

“You… I’m talking about you y/n” He said weakly.  Your lips parted slightly, brows drawn together with shock, and confusion.  Richie hung his head.

“No, not you” You whispered.  “They.  They were talking about me” You said, expression void of any emotion.  “What the hell happened on Saturday Richie?” You asked blankly.

“Nothing crazy… nothing crazy bad” He said.  “You just danced around… on a table” Your jaw fell completely open now, eyes full of shame but also anger.

“Are you shitting me?” You said, and for a moment he thought you were angry with him.  But when you ran your hands through your hair and your eyes filled with tears, he realized you’d directed that anger on yourself.

“No, no y/n hey” He whispered, holding your small wrists in his hands and trying to meet your eyes.  “Listen, it’s alright, everyone gets drunk and does and says things they don’t mean…” He trailed off, remembering what you had said to him in private later that night.

“Said? What’d I say?” You asked, anxiety bubbling up and you could almost physically feel it spreading from your chest all through your body.

Richie opened his mouth to speak, not even knowing what he was going to tell you, but was cut off by the bell ringing.

“We’ll talk later, I promise, okay?” He said, rubbing his palm over your arm.  “Let’s just get through the day and later we can chill out and talk” You sighed, but nodded.  Richie gave you a small smile before pulling you into a hug.

Hugs weren’t new, but it’d been a while, and for the few seconds you were wrapped in his arms, all of the crippling anxiety seemed miles away from you.  But as soon as he let go, you felt it creep back in.

“I’ll see you later babe” He said, earning a small nod from you, then walked off.

For the rest of your day, you noticed every whisper, and every look.  And for most of it, you were completely alone.

“I think I’ll never drink again” You sighed out to Richie, dropping your backpack on the floor by your bed and flopping face first into the covers.

“Don’t make promises you won’t keep” He chuckled, sitting on the edge of your mattress while you whined into your blankets.  “This is all going to blow over, and something else interesting will take over the gossip in the halls.  Who gives a shit about a drunk girl? There’s tons of drunk girls” He shrugged his shoulders but you didn’t move.  “n/n, really, you barely even talked until it was just us.  And I thought it was hilarious”

“I’m a laughing stock!” You wailed, rolling onto your back and waving your arms in the air.

“No, you’re really not” He said, though he chuckled at your movements.  “Really, you’re a sweet drunk.  A sad one too, but you were sweet”

“I’ve never even heard of a sweet drunk” You grumbled.

“Well if anyone would be, it’s you.  You were all cuddly and very… kind”

“Kind?”

“Yeah, you called me beautiful and would not stop snuggling on me on the way home” Richie recalled with a good laugh.

“Oh my god” You covered your face with your hands.

“Oh it was great” Richie said between his small bursts of laughter.  “Drunk you was in love with me, she told me so too.  Then she passed out” He shook his head, eyes getting wet as he laughed and smiled so hard his face hurt.  A true, genuine smile at hearing that slipped confession.

You sat up, sitting next to him now and staring at him seriously.

“What?” You murmured.

“What?” He repeated, unsure of what you were questioning.

“I told you that I loved you?” You asked, and he nodded and shrugged, not seeing the huge deal.  You were drunk, and of course you loved him, he was your best friend.

“Yeah, why?” Richie asked, shaking his head in confusion.  “It’s no big deal n/n, I love you too, you know that” He shrugged.  “We’re best friends”  It was quiet, with you still looking at him but much more saddened.

After years, you’d confessed unconsciously, and he didn’t even take it seriously.

“Richie, drunk me isn’t the only time I’m in love with you” You told him, nerves causing butterflies to flutter in your heart.  The boy chuckled, but you shook your head, covering his hand that was keeping him steady on the bed in yours.  “Rich I’m serious” You whispered, scared that he didn’t return the same kind of love you held for him.  His expression straightened, staring at you with shock, eyes scanning every part of your expression, like maybe you were playing some awful joke.  “I’m not talking about friendship-love of anything else I’m talking about actual, real-”

Richie leaned forward, holding your cheek in his palm and captured your lips with his.  You almost sighed but kept it inside, leaning into him and wrapping both of your arms around his neck.  Just as you broke for a quick breath of air your lips crashed together again.  Like they were magnets to close to not meet.  He was soft, his thumb brushing over your cheek, his other hand on your waist and drawing you impossibly closer.  Your eyes screwed shut, giving him one last little kiss, and drawing back slowly.  Reluctantly.

Neither of you let go of each other, just sat there for a moment and stared.

“You haven’t smoked in a while” You whispered, and a small smile tugged on Richie’s lips as he looked down at you.

“Yeah, you told me you hate the smell” He replied.  Your own lips mimicked his as you shook your head just slightly.  Your fingers moving to brush the long curls that hung over his face away from his eyes.  “I love you too y/n… and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you a long time ago” He told you, and you hugged him tightly.  Richie’s arms completely encircled your waist as he held you.  “I should’ve told you a long time ago” He added.

“Yeah well… I should have too, ya softie” He chuckled, pressing his nose against your temple as he whispered in your ear.

“If you tell anyone I’ve got a soft spot for you, I’ll smoke in your room, in your car, and everywhere you go” You giggled at the empty threat.

“Oh yeah?” You mused,and he planted a kiss on your pinkening cheek.  “Good job getting out a whole sentence without a single cuss by the way” You told him.  Richie’s face gaped, surprised himself.

“Wow” He whispered to himself.  “You my dear, are a Christmas miracle!” You laughed and shook your head.

“Richie, it’s June”

“Alright then you’re just a miracle” He said, and you laughed again.

“As are you Richard Tozier”

ok but finn sorta lookin like a grown ass man in that gif up there ??? he just gorgeous

xoxo ~ jordie

[richieyozier]

Reddie Dancing AU

(in hc format bc actual writing skills?? don't know her)

richie was having an Emotional I-Love-Edward-Spaghedward-But-He's-Just-My-Bro Night and he was listening to slow love songs n shit and crying bc love is beautiful

and he put on the "thinking out loud" music video and he started crying harder bc "god I wish that were me"

and he paused and went "oh shit wait"

"that could be me"

"I could do this shit"

"I'm going to do that shit"

cue him tumbling through eddie's window at 11 pm with puffy eyes

"oh my god richie what's wrong is it your parents I'm so sorry come here"

"I want to dance"

"you want to what"

eddie wasn't a Connoisseur Of Ballet And Shit but he was good at dancing when he tried

ms. kaspbrak was out that week for a friend's wedding so even though it was almost midnight eddie was like "honestly why not" and they tried to start learning the dance right then and there

richie had never actually watched eddie,,, dance,,, before??

so of course he's like

"can you actually,,, like,,, dance"

"I don't know rich, be the judge"

eddie starts,, twirling and shit

even though he's wearing sweatpants and a big ass hoodie he looks graceful as hell??

so richie's jaw drops

eddie's always stomping his feet and screaming and being Angery but now he's the complete opposite

unfortunately richie hadn't considered the amount of times he'd have to lift eddie

or the amount of times eddie would have to Intimately Stroke His Face And Carress His Chest And Gaze Sensually Into His Eyes

or the amount of times he'd actually have to,,, dance

(and the amount of times he'd have to fall on his face)

eddie is oblivious as hell??

he was like "oh this isn't weird bc he probably wants to impress some girl and he came to me bc I'm okay enough at dancing"

richie came over to eddie's in jorts and crocs like preparation who??

cue "oh my fucking god richie no" x30

there's more sexual tension in the air than there was between stan and bill literally seconds before they fucked

and that's saying something

two sweaty ass 19 year old horny college students?? I'm surprised they haven't banged yet

if I can get off the topic of fucking that'd be great

anyway

their practice of the dance that night??

it sucked

richie literally dropped eddie on his face and probably had to awkwardly hold eddie's ass against his crotch like twenty times

but eddie still doesn't get it??

"so obviously whenever you do this make sure she is wearing pants or like,, an actual dance outfit because otherwise,,, you know"

"she??"

"the girl you're learning this for??"

shit

richie doesn't want to deny it but he doesn't want to lie so he just,, doesn't respond

they continue practicing in eddie's house throughout the week

making them forget they'd planned a movie night at eddie's house with the rest of the losers for friday

richie came over to practice his dance with eddie in the living room

and they didn't hear bev, stan, and mike open the door over the music

bev saw them first and pulled the other two behind the wall so they could watch but not interrupt

richie and eddie decided to call it quits five minutes later

richie walked out to get a bag of popcorn for movie night but stopped in his tracks when he saw three of his best friends, leaning against the wall and wearing smug smiles

"didn't know eddie was one to swoon at ed sheeran"

"beverly I swear to god if any of you mention this to eddie or the others I'm going to throw a brick at your head"

"what, your crush"

"sTANLEY"

eddie overheard the Aggressive Hiss Of Stan's Name

"oh, stan's here?

shit pt. 2

"uh yeah so are bev and mike"

cue pointed glare at the trio saying "don't you fucking dare"

later bill arrives and then ben

stan 100% fills them in on the Sexually Tense Face Stroking And Chest Carressing

"woah you guys can d-d-dance? I d-didn't know th-that and I mean I knew r-richie liked him b-b-but ed sh-sheeran? r-r-really r-richie?"

"alright which one of you fuckheads was it"

stan just raises his hand because he literally doesn't fucking care about getting yelled at by richie or whatever

and richie knows this so he just rolls his eyes

"wait richie you're learning this for a boy? I didn't know that who is he"

shit pt. 3: the absolute essence of fucking up

bev: *aggressively snickering in the corner*

richie at this point knows eddie can tell if he's lying so he just fucking says it

"he's eddie kaspbrak"

the losers: fuck I didn't think he'd actually do it

eddie's jaw drops bc holy shit a boy likes him so much he wanted to learn to dance for him?? and that boy is none other than richie, the best boy in the world??

"you learned this dance for me?"

"yeah I wanted to impress you"

"oh my god richie"

bev's like staring into richie's soul telling him to say he has a crush on him bc eddie still doesn't get it

richie, understandably, can't withstand bev's Really Scary Gaze and he's like "well at this point I have to spell it out for him"

"It's because I uh r-really um uh you know"

turns out he isn't very good at spelling things out

"I really um think you're kinda you know"

"I like you too richie"

shit pt. 4: except it's in a good way this time

mike turns around and wiggles his eyebrows at bev

bill and ben smile warmly bc they're both fuckin saps

stan?? probably rolls his eyes bc this is cheesy as hell

now nobody knows what to do

do the losers interrupt with awkwardly scattered applause? does richie kiss eddie? do they forget this ever happened?

none of the above

"uh maybe we should start the movie now"

eddie ends up holding richie's hand the whole time and fiddling with his fingers

they highkey end up preforming their dance at their school talent show

and they definitely win first place

bev is 100% in the crowd crying bc "my sons are growing up"

and they go on picnic dates and listen to records together and eddie doesn't get his arm ripped off and they live happily forever and the losers love and support them

[did-you-fall-or-did-you-let-blog]

Dear Evan Hansen: August 1st

The Theater: -My seats were amazing. Third row. I was about a yard away from the base of the stage it was amazing -the theater was so small and intimate. i thought it would be much bigger, but it really made it feel like a personal experience -the actors went all the way downstage a lot and i SWEAR ben could’ve spit on me thats how close he was -Being up close was so amazing because you could see every single detail. I saw his shoes, his pill box, i saw certain facial expressions that i feel like were subtle and you wouldn’t be able to see them from far back About the show: -evan playing with things- his tie, the bed, his shoe lace, pulling at his shirt -he. actually. fuckinf cries. like. you could see tears streaming down his face its not fake. -will is SO FUCKING GOOD -olivia is amazing. shes not as desperate as kristolyn, but she definitely shows more sadness and emotion -garret is WOW. she doesnt act quite as sad as jennifer, but her voice is amazing. she is incredibly talented and so sweet. -mlb is great. i love mike faist so im very biased, but i thought that michael was really good. he wasn’t as good at playing mean as mike is, though. he played more emo and sad as opposed to mike, who is aggressive and shows much more depth. but he is such an amazing singer im shook -laura is possibly the most beautiful person to ever exist. seeing her close-up was amazing and you could really see all the emotion she puts into that role. she was simply amazing. Her voice is incredibly and wOW HER BELTING WOWWOWOOWOW -she def cried during requiem -evan & zoes kiss after YWBF was so cute because they were all messy and eager bc neither of them knew what to do -jARED SAID KINKY -Will is so fucking handsome wow i love that man. his voice is so fucking amazing. he is a bit loud, i wish they turned his mic down a little during certain songs (disappear & sincerely me) so that you could hear the other parts more, but he is so incredibly talented wow -ok so we all know that larry cries during YWBF, but he legit had a full breakdown it was amazing to see first-hand -Ben. Shakes. like wow. i shake when im anxious (aka 24/7) and it was completely realistic and honestly the way he depicts mental illness is so accurate and truly art -larry is still an ass but when act two comes he is SUCH A LOVEABLE ASS. he is a much better character live because you see how much emotion he actually has -zoes hair during act one is so cute. it looks a bit like pig tails even tho it isnt, but its adorable -I. cannot. stress. this. enough. Ben Platt deserves everything. he has my ENTIRE heart. he is so talented in everything he does. He cries almost the whole show and i mean CRIES. real tears. real emotion. He is incredible. Like. i dont have words for how amazing he was. His voice was perfect throughout which IDK HOW IS POSSIBLE BC I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME SING WHILE CRYING SOOO. he is such a good actor and his fast talks were SO CUTE WOW -rachael was. fuck. wow. I’ve always had a bit of trouble understanding her acting choices during act one, but they worked well live. and once act two came around, she was outstanding. After So Big/ So Small, the entire audience. the. entire. audience. was crying. seriously there was not a dry eye in the house The Set/Choreography: -the forest set is so amazingly beautiful like. wow. -seeing the band up above is sO COOL WOW -Everything about it was absolutely beautiful. -i read something about this the other day and i couldnt stop thinking about it. During Waving Through A Window, everyone is turned away from Evan, they don’t see him. But during You Will Be Found, they are all with him. He is one with them. He is finally seen. It was so cool to see that contrast live. -the environment was so well done. you would think that since the background is either screens or just blackness, it would feel a bit empty and cold. but the set pieces (evans bed, connors bed, the couch, the dinner table, etc) were so well done and it really pulled things together. -Michaels knee movements aren’t as good as Mikes 🙊 Stagedoor: -People who came out: Michael (Park), Olivia, Garrett, Laura, Michael (lb) -Colton came out first but he left right away bc he wasn’t in the performance rip i lov him -first Michael Park came out and I told him I loved him and he was like “wow don’t you want to get to know me first?” and he signed my book and we joked a lil and he is such a nice guy -then Olivia came out and she signed and I told her how fucking amazing she was and she was so happy and blushy it was adorable. -Garrett came outside and she was so sweet. She looks so cute with her glasses and her hair up wow i love her. I told her that she is an amazing singer and she thanked me and wow what a gal -mlb came out and he was so sweet. I told him that he did so well and that i’m really happy for him for playing all the roles. I told him how great his singing is and he was so sweet to everyone we had a lil convo -last. but. DEFINITELY NOT FUCKING LEAST. Laura. Fucking. Dreyfuss. The living breathing human angel. She got over to me and I handed her the letters that I wanted to give to the cast (everyone was giving them to her bc she is a trustworthy gal). she got a lot of gifts (including more trix) bc she is so loved wow. OK OK BUT. I thanked her for speaking up for the trans community the other day and she was so happy and smiley and she rlly cared abt what i had to say AND SHE HUGGED ME. LIKE SHE WASNT HUGGING ANYONE ELSE. AND I DIDNT ASK HER TO HUG ME. SHE JUST DID AND WOW IT WAS. FUCK. WOW. All in all, that was definitely the best thing i have ever witnessed and i cried a fuck ton and it changed my life.

[survivor-mindoro]

Ep. 5: “She’s being a sneaky sneaky” ~ Mitch

D98

I definitely feel vulnerable about tribal council. Playing that idol the first round really set me apart from the rest of the tribe so they have reason to vote me out. I'm trying to flip this vote against Ashley right now because I'm a snake and would rather her go than me.

so this is going absolutely amazing so far....... I have a very good social game. so far I've orchestrated every vote on this tribe without being caught. I tell matt what I'm thinking and he goes and tells everybody else and gets the blood on his hands while I relax. don't get me wrong me and matt are trying to go far were just waiting for merge so I can get back with luke and pat and we have a strong 4 alliance. the only thing that worries me is kylas alliance with ting and her partner mitch. I really want her gone but I just need numbers,

i think the game is going pretty well. yay for immunity. also i think that the tribe is pretty unified for this next vote… i hope i think we’re thinking zak just because he was the one person that voted against us in the vote where we voted out karen. if this vote successful and if we go to tribal again idk what will happen...

Honestly I have been so busy this week. I feel so bad that I haven't been able to participate that much. My alliamces are barely talking and tbh Idk what we are even voting. I am so beyond stressed right now, but I will definitely keep trying.

im scared. im literally getting voted out bc i saved karen. oh well. hasta lavista i hate these people. none of them talk to me. i hate them ALL.

I DON'T FEEL OPTIMISTIC AT ALL TODAY. I've been trying to push for Ashley since yesterday but now I'm just like....not feeling good. I don't think Mitch and Julia will work with me at all and Pat will probably do whatever the majority does. I've lost all hope on Nicole because she wants to leave so now I'm just.... I feel like I'm the only one actually playing the game and it sucks

Well I'm a bit nervous/excited for the live tribal tonight, it will be nice to get to see everyone's faces. Seems like most everyone is voting for Zack since he didn't vote with us last tribal (something I didn't even know, I need to step up my game), but you can never really know. I don't feel safe, but I'm just hoping that I made the right choice in trusting Ting Ting since she won immunity. Tonights vote would have been perfect for a blindside but its looking like that might not be the case, but there is still time. Hopefully that blind side isn't me!

no one talks. no one anythings. its silent. i guess were voting uhh.... zack? but at this point. who knows. sorry its not longer i don't have a lot to say

Ok so I don't really know what to confess. Dan and Danny quit. Yikes. I won immunity. I probably look like a challenge threat and these people are going to club my ass when merge comes unless I Mike Holloway it and win all the challenges or something. Fuck. At least I'm safe at tribal. Everyone is on board for voting Ashley because she's being a sneaky sneaky and running around in the middle and I don't want to take that to merge despite how nice she is. Have a gorlley evening

SO apparently Nicole, Pat, Julia and Mitch are all voting against Ashley this round which means the vote should come through as 5-1. If this is the case then YAS GAWD. If this isn't the case then this is my last confessional in this game so RIP.

So confessional hahah. So this has been a pretty messy round for me obviously. How did I not notice there was an immunity challenge? Seriously get it together u mess @julia. Anyway, I feel like all the tribe did was listen to mitch, and that was that. We literally had all just said "yup ashley got to go" and we were okay with it. I highkey felt bad about lying to her and being like, Luke has got to go ect. But I kinda was paranoid about her/nicole combining idols together. Idk if its just paranoia or whatever, but thats wass up