#like I would rarely copy/paste a Taylor outfit for a variety of reasons

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

While we're all in our feelings tonight, one thing I'm really grateful for this year for this community and for following Taylor is that it's helped me regain some of my sense of style which has been sorely missing for years. (Caveat: everyone can and should wear whatever they want at all times. This is a very me situation.)

I was very much a Rory Gilmore-type dresser in college and liked to dress up cute and play with makeup and such but then eventually ended up in a job where I was working seven days a week and almost exclusively wore athleisure most of the time. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!!!! You do you boos! It served its purpose for me as well!) And between just being exhausted and being in an environment where dressing up was Not A Thing (which had its own benefits absolutely) and also gaining a lot of weight in the past 5-7 years, I've been so absolutely uncomfortable in my skin and stuck in such a rut.

And while Taylor's style isn't always in my wheelhouse (though it is a lot more often than not) and I'm not tall, thin, blonde or rich, seeing how Taylor plays around with accessories and palettes and textures and kind of inadvertently studying that (and a huge thanks to the Taylor Swift Style blog for tracking all that stuff down), I've started playing around with that myself to see what I like and how I can express myself and my own style through that has honestly been kind of life changing in a way. Because while I still very much feel like an alien in my own body (and wish I looked and felt like I did ten years ago when I was in the best shape of my life), it's at least making me feel like I am gaining the tiniest bit of confidence in myself.

This is not to say that makeup and clothes make everything better. The beauty industry complex is toxic as fuck for a million different reasons and I actively resent it everyday. But I also love the art of makeup; I love how using different palettes play off the colour of my eyes, or different lipstick colours can convey totally different vibes. (I don't wear it everyday, and more often than not when going out don't wear more than a little mascara and eyeliner.)

I love how changing an outfit can go from "I'm a cosmopolitan girl walking through the big city like I belong"* to "I want to run through a field and get lost"** or whatever. I've spent more money on clothes this year than I have in the past five, but they've been intentional and made me think about how they go together, the quality of fabrics and how they hang, and how I can achieve the looks I aspire to. And I also started thrifting!

(*I am definitely not, I'm hopelessly suburban, but I could be a big city girl again if I wanted to. **I also am not actually one to run through fields but you know, I could cosplay the folkore photoshoot if I really wanted to too.)

When those first post-Joever photos from dinner hit in April from NYC in the black bodysuit and jeans, it made me think, "huh, I really like how this looks, but if I were going to wear it, what would I do differently?" and it's gone from there. I've discovered that despite the fact that at first it made me feel like I was 14 in my skating costumes again, I really loved how versatile bodysuits could fit with other pieces of clothing, whether they were high-waisted jeans or wide-leg pants or linen shorts or whatever, and took off from there.

I started experimenting with all the costume jewellery I have (and added more) and how I could change up my stack in a way I haven't since I got my second piercings when I was 13. (Still really tempted to go for #3 and/or a helix that I've wanted since I was 17 butttttt think I'm too chicken at the end of the day.) I've rediscovered my love of blazers and found my pair of go-everywhere white sneakers. (Am never going to be a high heel girl except for fancy events though lmao.) I dug out my jean jacket I hadn't worn in years. I have tried (and mostly failed) to draw a cat eye sharp enough to kill a man.

I'm getting a little better at caring for myself and becoming marginally more accepting of myself where I'm at.

I'm by no means a fashionista and don't follow that world in a general sense, and I'm definitely not, like, setting out to copy Taylor's style at all, however I am grateful that not only do I have all these music that fills me with joy, have made friends online and have bonded with friends IRL over it and now have an awesome trip to Europe on the books for 2024, but that I'm also kind of rediscovering and reconsidering what I like to wear and feel directly and indirectly thanks to Taylor too.

If 2023 was good for one thing for me, it may just be that at least.