#like I would come back to the album or think about it a lot but it wasn't a hyperfix
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I absolutely adore your rise TMNT with yan batfam short clips. Like the whole why pick them over us becomes 10x worse like. Reader is living in the sewers most of the times and basically decided that the turtles were their brothers and not batfam. They rather live in the sewers with a rat as a substitute dad and they prefer it. I can imagine how much of a blow that would be to them! Also the family knows nothing about them till bam here they show up with a different hero/vigilante group. Want to throw my two cents in that the reader likes to use war pain/ let's Micky pain on a mask that helps them blend in with the crew ( also I can imagine they don't like wearing the color black).
Oh yeah the Bat family is coping sooo hard.
After they, quite rudely, take you back to Gotham they are gonna be on. Your. Ass. About how “better this is” and “ isn’t this so much nicer then some nasty sewer” but you quite literally are having none of it
Every snide comment about how it’s “so much more open and spacious right?” is met with “I literally had a skate ramp outside my room Tim, fuck off” or “at least i was allowed to leave the sewer whenever i wanted, unlike here”
Like, 80% of the Bat family isn't blood related and even LESS than that have actually been formally adopted, so they can't even try to pull the “but we’re your REAL family” card with you, though Damian will still absolutely try. Of course, you always remind him that he literally stabbed you in the leg when you two first met. Yes you're still pissed about it, HE STABBED YOU! IN THE LEG!!
Jason’s bear hugs? Weak sauce compared to Raphs. Do you even lift bro? Also, don't you like, kill people? Tf are you doing here? Also aren’t you DEAD?!
Dicks puns and jokes? Yeah no, Leo’s funnier, also he’s not a cop, so.
Tim tries to wow you with some techie nonsense? Donnie learned that when he was 7, it’s not that impressive. “Also your formula is all wrong, get your shit together man, aren’t you supposed to be smart?” It wasn’t wrong, but watching him panic for the next half hour was priceless.
You strictly call Cass by her last name because you already know Casey and Casey Jr. So yeah she’s been demoted to Cain. You'd have been nicer about it but then again she was complicit in your kidnapping soooo, no.
Bruce tries to scold you for being mean? Gee that's big talk coming from a guy who didn’t even know my birthday until about a week ago, you know who didn’t forget my birthday? My rat dad. Bitch.
Not to mention, you won't even talk to Alfred because you know he was the one who sold out where your apartment was. You're fucking pissed that he chose the rest of the family over you. Again.
Despite not particularly liking the color, you exclusively wear black arm and leg wraps to match with your brothers. Otherwise, it is nowhere to be found in any other article of clothing you own. Only the brightest of highlighter colors for you, thanks.
As for a mask, I'm thinking Winter Soldier vibes lol. You have a few of them at your disposal, with varying designs from both Mikey and yourself. Angelo will also doodle on your shield a lot, it’s basically his noncommittal doodle board. You have a full photo album dedicated to your favorites.
The Batfam also tries to gaslight you soooo much too, like, “if they really cared about you then where are they, it’s been weeks now and they haven’t even made an effort to look for you, doesn’t seem like they actually care all that much. But don't worry, we’ll always be here for you!”
“One, don’t you dare take that tone while talking about my family again, and two yeah my brothers are a little dumb but they're MY LITTLE brothers so they get to be. I know for a fact that once they realize I'm actually missing they will rip this place apart and I, for one, cannot wait to watch it happen”
The bats will totally think your bluffing, that is until a fucking sword slices through the literal fabric of reality and you fall backwards through a glowing blue portal before they can even sit down for dinner. They really have to reevaluate what they’re up against after that.
#yandere batfamily#yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfam#gender neutral reader#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#My ROTTMNTXYAN!Batfam Au#gosh that's a mouthful#asks#I missed answering asks lol
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ᯓᡣ𐭩 마음 ୨ৎ invisible string
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casual with han jisung, which means a lot of gifts. every tour he goes on, meant coming back with at least one meaningless thing to give you. that one thing could be meaningless to anyone around you, but for you, it meant everything.
casual with han jisung, which means countless and countless of food dates. he loves food, so he also enjoyed sharing it with a person he adored so dearly, his best friend. visiting every restaurant, bakery, or cake shop that catches ones eye. not like you could ever turn him down.
casual with han jisung, which means he's taking polaroid pictures of you or you two, just to hang them up around his room, the recording studio or just keep them in his photo album he has just for you and only of you.
casual with han jisung, which means he's relaxed when it's just the two of you alone, but as soon as there are other people around the two of you, he becomes stiff and tries to act cool around you, almost as if there wasn't a not yet recognized emotion bubbling inside of him.
casual with han jisung, which means an uncountable amount of sent links to songs or song lyrics that just remind him of you. doesn't matter where he is. if he hears lyrics that make him think of you, he's immediately running to send them to you.
casual with han jisung, which means songs written for you and only for your ears to hear. songs played on his guitar with the guitar pick you've designed and decorated for him.
casual with han jisung, which means late night chatter in the dark of his room, that always somehow end with a drunk make out, the morning after filled with nothing but empty meaningless apologies. so many "sorry"'s spilled, yet not one seems to be genuine.
casual with han jisung, which leads to meaningless promises to himself that he would stop thinking about you in a different way than before. his room walls have heard this one so much, tho things don't seem to change.
casual with han jisung, except it's not as causal as it is, the truth being that the both of you are scared to point it out or rather accept the unaccepted emotion and speak about the unspoken topics that only linger in the thick air.
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a/n: a little something before I post the best friends to lovers with jisung tomorrow. I tried writing in this style for the first time. I hope it's not too bad! xoxo
#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#han jisung x reader#han x reader#han jisung#stray kids maknae line#best friends to lovers#han jisung comfort#han jisung x y/n#han jisung x you
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I’M BACK! with a little intel and a lot of projection.
who listens to what? let’s see
JIMMY
so, i didn’t have many idea for him believe it or not,
but i believe he honestly just listens to whatever’s on the radio or whatever anyone puts on.
he’s pretty indifferent about music, he normally blocks out background noise anyway
but for a bit more of an answer, i feel like he’d maybe listen to that classic rap stuff, like pac, snoop, icecube.. eminem
he probably only picked up eminem because he kept getting compared to the guy. poor jimjim
also, my gut tells me he dabbles in a bit of numetal, moreso the rap side of things; the biggest example i can name for you is limp bizkit, but he’d slither his way into the lesser known stuff, like primer 55, snot, saliva, 311.. so so
but mainly whatever’s popular at the time.
oh, jesus, how could i forget punk? this guy’s all over the dead kennedys, the stooges, sex pistols. yeah! maybe stand alone Iggy Pop too.
GARY
so.. my heart tells me he would listen to nightcore, just straight away.. the rise of nightcore, what a time
he’d be totally embarrassed about it though, but it makes him feel cool.
now for my more thought out ideas,
i /personally/ think he would be really into nine inch nails, more specifically pretty hate machine
i feel like the music swoons this kid’s adhd, anything that really plays into his ‘evil’ demeanour.. whatever fuels him to continue writing plans to take over the school
not to be stereotypical, but also kmfdm, as much as i hate to admit it.
again, very motivational music. i feel like he’d be into industrial rock/metal all together
he’d be one of those guys who insist on hating the mainstream too, but would occasionally find himself attached to the odd cheesy pop song you’d /also/ find on radio
PETEY
rubs my evil fly hands together
here’s where i start projecting
so, petey is EXTREMELY big into music, but it’s something he’s quite embarrassed about.
when you ask him about it? he gets shy and just says he listens to whatever, that he doesn’t really care.
but he likes to listen intellectual’ stuff.
first up: tool. this kid is crazy about tool. he can’t get enough of it.
owns and has listened to every album and ep of theirs, knows every song off by heart,, has researched the band’s many smart ways of producing the music; the fibonacci sequence in lateralus, the whole concept of parabol(a), everything about the newly released 10000 days.. he can’t leave rosetta stoned alone, so much to look into
again; absolutely insane about the band, and is itching to tell someone all about it, but his confidence really nails him down.
i also imagine he’s quite a big fan of MJK’s other works - puscifer and a perfect circle.
that being said, he’s also a big fan of thirteenth step by apc.
i feel like mjk’s feature on white pony’s “passenger” would have also swindled his interest in deftones. he started off by listening to white pony, but found himself to enjoy deftones’ self titled, too
to say he was a music nerd could be a descriptor. he definitely knows his way around the niche, and is always looking at more stuff to listen to. you’d find him pondering at the cd racks in your local shop
‘i like the album art’ he says, ‘that’s why im taking so long’.
i believe it’s what makes him feel a little better about being a complete loner. nobody to hang out with? tool will sing you to sleep, petey, you don’t need much else
tldr; if you start talkin music, he’ll speak your language. he knows the entire spectrum
for some extra, i believe he enjoys some old jazz too. duke ellington and john coltrane ..
and to finish, he dabbles in michael jackson if he needs a break from the evocative emotion tool brings
peacceeee….. my music loving self might come up with stuff for more of the students.
#bully scholarship edition#bully 2006#bully game#bully#bully canis canem edit#bully cce#bully rockstar#bully se#ccedit#cce#jimmy hopkins#pete kowalski#gary smith
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Time period post- Music taste and the radio
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Going to take a real teenage approach to this, since it’s what most in the fandom are writing about. This’ll mainly be about music taste and the ways it was enjoyed and experienced (sans concerts I don’t go into that). And the importance of the radio. Past posts I think are connected;
Here. Here. Here.
More exacting-
Now what do I mean by this? Well, there was a lot more “genre loyalty” because this is pre playlists and pre mixtapes, there’s no real way to construct a collection of songs of multiple artists at once. You’d buy records or later some people would go for 8-track, of your favorites. There has always been “greatest hits” collections where it’s mixes but I’d be one artist or band most likely.
‘How do you know you like the album’ there’s either the rare case you caught them all on the radio, or in store you can listen and preview the record. There’s a little Jack and headphones you’d plug in and listen.
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Record stores were also a hang out spot.
Radio stations and shows could be specific to genres too so there was another layer to being exacting. It makes it clearer how subcultures began to form around music. Music, clothes, language, behavior etc that have all been reduced to “aesthetic” in the modern day.
Top Genres-
Like most decades the beginning was marked mainly by the continuation of the old, popular 50s Rock and Roll and Doo wop trends ruled. As long as it was danceable it was gold, especially amongst the youth. A lot of dances and dance trends really came out of the period, exasperated by news coverage and dance/music tv shows. (Hairspray for example.)
Music became more electric as the decade goes on (I’m so serious if it could be electrified it would be with most things around this time) by the end of the decade it was psychedelic, folk based and reflective of the social shift and unrest of the decade. (Lot of protest rock and experimental)
However, I’m going to keep mainly to some genres here before I get into some sort of Woodstock history lesson (as that really reduces the decade too as it was not only that type of music once the mid point hit)
Rock still topped and it had a lot of branches coming off of it as the decade went on, some going more guitar heavy (specifically electric) others going a folk influenced route. Off of guitar and experimental-> Metal! Black Sabbath 1968.
Surf rock emerges. Light, upbeat and fun. A real “pop rock” genre. Motown too!
Pop music (popular) - and I mean Popular with a capital P. Huge , major, everywhere.
Now I know people have been looking for some specifics so I’ll give my take too:
Greasers- Mostly Rock and some doo wop but mainly something with a back beat. Tuff sounding, might go into the more heavy sounding rock as the decade goes on.
Elvis (book mention), little Richard, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly, Eddie Cochran , Van Morrison | potentially -> Rolling Stones, Cream
Can also see greasers enjoying southern rock, protest rock and all the guitar heavy stuff of the 70s
Socs- Popular music, mainstream and danceable. It’s all good music mind you but it’s also following the crowd. They’d also like newer groups faster where as Greasers hold onto old rock and doo wop way longer.
Beatles (book mention), The Beach Boys, Frankie Valli, Ricky Nelson, Dion, the Ronettes, the Archies, the Monkees
There’s a lot of overlap in what they’d both like but Soc’s would be more subject to change and shift with what’s popular or new.
The radio-
This is how you’re getting most of your music, especially if you don’t have a record player or new records on the regular. As a teen they’d be on everywhere all the time, in your car and then portable hand held ones.
Disk jockeys, radio Dj’s/hosts would be huge often forming exaggerated and relatable personalities that spoke to the youth and kept them entertained along with the music. American Graffiti has a great show of this with “the wolfman”
Messages, dedications, contests, talks all apart of radio shows. Calling in was a big deal, especially if you got on the air.
Grease is the 1950s but it is a great show of radio/tv show contests, selections and personalities. The school is chosen by a station (I sworn it was radio) to be televised on tv as an example American school and not only are the kids nuts for being on TV but completely and utterly star struck by the host.
This type of celebrity is lost in a sense, now there’s still manic fans but not in this wide spread way. That everyone knew of someone but you also didn’t know so much about them- celebrities still hand a private life in a sense and that almost made people crazier to get to know them.
Selection-
There’s been talk about how the internet used to be a room, computer rooms in people’s home long before it was in our pocket. I feel like that’s true for a lot of things really, especially hanging out.
Instead of looking through a friends record collection to find something to listen to , and for them to show off /you learn about them, someone takes the cord and presses a button. It’s less involved now. Choosing music, where to hang out/what to do, radio station in the car etc was much more of an event? It was involved it was something within itself- maybe it’s nostalgia for something I never lived- the want for easier and more common socialization? I dunno
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Bonus: The day the music died
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February 3, 1959. Three of the biggest voices in rock and roll die in a plan crash. The oldest, “the big Bopper” was only 28. The tragedy would go on to change the course of music, however it was not referred to as “the day the music died” until Don McLeans 1971 song “American pie.”
Bonus: British Invasion and Beatlemania
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Another gigantic impact on music as a whole, especially in America is the first British Invasion and subsequent Beatlemania. Pop artists and aspects of the changing British culture got carried over to America and spread like wildfire- in thanks to growing counterculture. It’s sort of funny because some of these groups were influenced by 50s American music, experimented and then turned it back.
As the Beatles first got televised they absolutely hooked American teens, primarily girls, ramping up in popularity and absolute manic craze since 1963. Honestly at their height you couldn’t hold an opinion on them without being either insane about them or insane against them.
Some examples beyond the Beatles:
Some of these I didn’t even know were British especially The animals
The kinks, The Rolling Stones, the who (late), the yardbirds, Donovan, the Hollie’s, the zombies, them, Dusty Springfield, the Troggs
—
… if anyone wants my playlists let me know, I’ve got some really good ones
#the outsiders#outsiders#writing help#outsiders meta#1960s#60s music#radio#vinyl records#teen culture#writing reference#writing resources
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9 Albums that got me through 2024
Tagged by my lovely lovely friend @courageisneverforgotten <3
Tagging @unoriginalurl77, @nickjsqueen, and @meggtheegg, and If anyone wants to be tagged let me know and I'll edit and tag you!!!
#obviously no pressure to do this if you cant/dont want to!#I'm not an albums girly as much as im a playlist girl so this was a fun challenge for me!#Jess this was so much fun thank you for the tag pls keep tagging me in things I can't wait to do the other one too!#I love yapping so I'm gonna explain all my choices now thanks for your patience#I was in a production of SB in early 2024 so I was doing A LOT of listening to the music!! Such fond memories I loved that show#HTBAHB started off my glass animals....year#Ive been a fan for a hot minute but I started listening to the albums in order instead of on shuffle and this one shambled me#also I couldn't listen to it for a while because I would get so worked up about it that it would send me into a spiral but I'm normal now#My best friend and I went to see FOB in NY for the SM(F)S tour and one of my fave memories of the year is running through time square#singing the album at midnight after the concert#Chappell is because I spent most of my summer with my friend Ari and she would play the album nonstop so I associate it so much with her<3#RTC I saw a production at my old college and just fell in love all over again...great album!!#Lover is because I feel like my appreciation for this album grew so much this year#but really could have put any of her albums there#ATBAB is because my gf loves Owl City and we listened to a lot of their songs together and I listened to a lot of their music to connect#and This was the album I'd listen to the most but ocean eyes was a strong contender too#ILYSFM was my album of the year tbh#Loved it SO MUCH#Gf and I went to an early listening party and we went to the tour and it was a lot of fun#And the Outsiders is because I saw the show in previews in March and it was kinda hanging in the background of my mind for most of the year#like I would come back to the album or think about it a lot but it wasn't a hyperfix#and then gf and I watched a boot and the hyperfix hit me full force#Anyway that was a lot of yapping if you're still here thank you for reading!!! I LOVE MUSIC!!!#Oh also honorable mentions are infinity on high and short n sweet n the legally blonde obc
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I love that my dad and I both have habits of naming stuff in Latin
A lot of my playlists are named in Latin just because I think it's a very pretty and direct language for emotions / feelings
My dad's actual album he did a few years back is also named in Latin. We got into a long conversation about the meaning behind the language itself not long ago
It's weird now that I'm older I can actually have these kinds of conversations with him, I was never really into any of this stuff when I was younger and now I'm hounding him with music questions and wish I got more involved as a kid
#I miss him a lot I'm hoping he comes to visit soon#I can't leave Flordia because of work#and he lives in Louisiana 😭#I'm honestly hoping that at some point when I get hard into music I can take a trip down to get things recorded in his studio#music is such a big part of our lives and I'm honestly kinda upset I wasnt still living at home when I had my like musical awakening#because now I want to learn and make music and he's always offered to let me use his mass amount of vintage equipment#I plan to work with him a lot when I start writing and recording#I have a long way yet but I have so many ideas and I want to be a part of his music again#I used to do some backing vocals for him on his stuff when I was younger I wish i never stopped#I miss going to his live shows and helping set up equipment even if they were smaller#I would convince him to get his band back together but one of the guitarists died right after the album finished#man was like a brother to me miss him a lot#im around his age now and it's scary to think about#i listen to my dads album a lot and plan to learn it#he also sends me songs he works on now even though he doesnt record much anymore#my roommate / one of my best friends is also a music nerd#so were absolutely doing a music duo#he actively brought all his equipment down from his parents so we could work on things together#im so hyped
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model cowboy
🌙 starring. Jeong Jaehyun x afab!Reader
🔮 preview. You maintain eye contact until the moment your lips meet, and then, you do your best to just relax, to forget about the cameras pointed at you. You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, following Jaehyun's motions, following the gentle notes that soon become more heated. His tongue swipes against your bottom lip, and on instinct, you open your mouth for him, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer. You try to convince yourself that you’re leaning into this for the sake of the scene, that you’re just being good actors together, but there’s something underneath it all. There’s a desperation. You can almost taste it below the spearmint on his tongue.
tw/cw. unprotected sex, dry humping, breast worship, slow and adequate foreplay/pussy stretching/prepping, pussy eating, fingering, praise, slight switchy power dynamic but Jae is generally the dom/top, slight overstim, face riding, slight hair pulling, precum (jae is horny), dirty talk, sappy sex, alcohol, etc… I pet names: (hers) superstar.
👹 rating.18+ explicit��I wc. 13.2k
🍭 aus.actor!Jaehyun, singer!y/n, fake dating au, enemies to lovers au, etc…
☀️ mlist + an. it was actually so fun to have small clips of TMZ style gossip reporting- loved that I was able to try different things with this fic :)
Prologue
In this week's news, our favorite kids' show alumni are back on the scene together. Beloved model and actor Jung Jaehyun teams up with childhood costar (y/n) (l/n) for her new single Model Cowboy. This song will mark the kick-off of her third album, and the music video is set to start production sometime early next month, with the song coming out on iTunes and other streaming platforms sometime in the new year.
There’s a lot of buzz on social media about this pairing, as the two stars were ‘shipped’ incessantly in their teen years, with one user commenting, “It’s like Britney and Justin Timberlake all over again! Ah!!!!!”
While Jaehyun has had a string of relationships over the years, our favorite girl power singer y/n has only recently ended a long-term relationship with football player Lee Jeno. When asked how this separation would affect her new album, y/n had this to say: “I want to draw on the pain of a breakup because that feeling is so universal, but at the same time, I want the album to be fun. It’s about ending one cycle, and sure, giving yourself the space and grace to mourn that loss, but also looking forward at the future and other opportunities that come your way when you go through something like that.”
When asked about the new single Model Cowboy, y/n noted, “It’s about going back to your roots and finding that cowboy, blue-collar man. I think the trades are kind of in vogue right now, for all of the best reasons. We want salt of the earth, we want a man who will provide and take care of us- not everything is luxury and partying. There’s such peace in stability, and I want to honor the simplicity of good relationships, which we all deserve to experience.”
Despite all of this, when our reporters enquired about Jaehyun as the star of the music video, who, to us and many fans on social media, doesn’t scream ‘salt of the earth, cowboy, or stability’ our singer simply responded with “No comment.”
Yikes.
However, there may be hope for this fan-favorite couple yet. When Jaehyun was asked about his role in the music video at a recent film premiere for his new action movie ‘Home Grown’ he had this to say: “I did a few music videos in my early twenties, but never with anyone I really knew or admired. I’ve been focused on movies and fashion recently, but I’m excited to do a shorter-form art piece. y/n and her team are very creative, and I can’t wait to see the finished result.”
I can safely say that we can’t wait either.
Back when y/n was just eighteen, putting out her first album, there was one song that everyone thought she wrote about Jaehyun. We couldn’t help but bring this up to the actor. When questioned if he’d inspired y/n’s first hit single, ‘Forget About Him’, Jaehyun said, “That’s not for me to say, you’ll have to ask her.” This response revived years of conspiracy on social media, and we’re all still itching for the truth.
Production for Model Cowboy is set for the end of the month, and permits have been granted for shooting in California’s Joshua Tree National Park. We’ll all be on the edge of our seats waiting for promo pictures and behind-the-scenes photos.
Stay tuned for all things celebrity drama and news on our website, or follow us on Instagram and Snapchat for daily updates.
One:
You’re in your trailer with your assistant, Mark, waiting for your call time, and you can’t help the irritation that’s filling you. It’s the first day of shooting for Model Cowboy, and every other time you’ve filmed a music video, you’ve been excited about the creative journey of turning a song into a visual expression- but not today, and there’s one huge reason for your angst.
“I still can’t believe this is happening,” you groan. “Jaehyun wasn’t my first choice for this, and he’ll never be my first choice for this- it takes away from the meaning of the song to have him starring with me!”
Mark frowns. “I mean, he’s not exactly a model cowboy-”
“More like a model pretending to be a cowboy,” you scoff.
Your assistant sighs. “Management just wants you two to do this, fake date for a while, promote your music and his upcoming projects, draw intrigue-”
“I know it’s what management wants, I was forced to sign the contract,” you snap. Then you release a breath, getting control of yourself. This isn’t Mark’s fault, in fact, he argued your side in the meeting about this two months ago. “I just… I’m not a huge fan of Jaehyun.”
“You always said he was the most overly confident, smug, pretty boy that came out of your kids’ show,” Mark nods. He’s very good at summing up your difficulties, as he’s your most trusted confidant. You’d never dream of being vocal about your personal opinions of Jaehyun to anyone else, your PR training has taught you not to be fully honest, to prioritize your reputation as a ‘good girl’- but Mark, he gets you.
“At the end of the day,” you sigh, “sure, Jae might be a better actor, but I’m the better singer.”
“I know you won’t want to hear this-”
“Then don’t say it.”
Mark sends you a pointed look. “He did do that cover of ‘I Like Me Better When I’m With You,’ and everyone loved it.”
“Well, Jaehyun doesn’t have three albums and a Grammy. He did a cover. It’s not like that’s difficult.”
Before Mark can say anything else, there’s a knock on your trailer. You jump up, ready to start the day of shooting, but when you open your door, it’s not a PA standing there to take you to location, it’s Jaehyun.
He’s dressed in a cowboy-style outfit, however, it’s more runway than practical, and he’s also wearing the same smug smile he always used to have on when you were working together as kids and young adults.
“Long time no see,” Jaehyun muses.
You roll your eyes. “Don’t pretend you’re happy to see me.”
You know your dislike for Jaehyun is shared with his own disdain for you, and you’d noted that to your managers. How are either of you going to pretend to be in love when this general dissatisfaction with each other is evident every time you’re in the same room?
“Thought I’d come to discuss the whole fake dating script with you, you know, kind of like running lines.”
“There aren’t any lines for our fake dating scenario yet, it’s improv,” you remind him.
“Then, how about boundaries?”
You release a groan. “Fuck it, let’s go find my PA, get in a car to go to location, and we can talk during the drive.”
Two:
There’s a tension in the SUV. With you on his left, your assistant behind you, and Jaehyun’s own manager, Johnny, behind him, everything anyone says will be noted. In fact, Jaehyun’s been listening to Johnny argue on the phone about a brand deal for the past ten minutes.
You’d said you’d discuss the whole fake dating thing, but instead, your eyes are glued to your iPad as you look over the music video notes.
Jaehyun has always found you to be a very focused woman, he might go so far as to say you have a stick up your ass. Your rigidity is a stark contrast to his own ‘go with the flow’ type of way of doing things, and it’s one of the reasons you’d never gotten along well on sets.
When he’d come to your trailer to discuss PR lines, it had been because he was trying to meet you where you’re at. He thought you’d want to plan. In fact, he’d found it almost laughable when you’d told him it would be improv because out of the two of you, he’s the one that’s always excelled in that area.
You have this face you put on for others, but Jaehyun’s always seen through it. You lack confidence in yourself, and that’s why you overcompensate by being anal about details, about practicing so you never fail when the time comes.
Jaehyun leans closer to you, getting a look at the music video notes. The aesthetic board is very desert, horses, sand, sparkles, disco balls, and mirrors- for someone who said Model Cowboy was about finding someone who wasn’t all luxury, there are definitely luxury items in the music video notes.
“So… tell me again what the song’s about?” Jaehyun asks.
You sigh. “Mark sent you a sound clip, didn’t he? Did you even bother to listen to the song?”
“Yeah,” Jaehyun shrugs, “but I wanted to hear the details from you.”
You take an exasperated deep breath, putting your iPad down on your lap. “It’s about falling in love with someone who’s very salt of the Earth-”
“What do you mean by that?”
Your lips part in shock and annoyance. “It means a man who’s salt of the Earth.”
“Yeah, you said that, but like…” Jaehyun lets out a small laugh at how bad you’re fumbling this, “what does that mean, to you.”
Mark shifts in the seat behind you, leaning forward to join the conversation. “It means someone who is honest, and reasonable. Someone who doesn’t think they’re special or better than others.”
You flash Jaehyun a pointed look. “So basically, not you.”
Jaehyun chuckles. “Baby, neither of us are salt of the earth if that’s your definition.”
He can see how annoyed you are, can pick up the micro movements, the way your fingers are tapping on the edge of the iPad. It’s a rhythmic thing, something you do to calm yourself, and he’d noticed that pattern in you when you were much younger.
“This whole fake dating thing was not my idea,” you snap finally.
“Yeah, wasn’t mine either. We both have PR managers.”
You roll your eyes, letting out another exasperated sound of annoyance.
Jaehyun kind of likes poking at you like this. He’d been worried that you’d be super anal about this whole project, and while you’re definitely fighting for control, he likes to jab you where your guard is down. It feels like a win to him, and deep in Jaehyun’s core, he knows it’s not a nice thing to do, but he simply can’t help himself.
You have a history, years of interactions and bickering- he hasn’t seen you in a long time, but getting on your nerves is as easy as it’s always been, and that schoolboy enjoyment from picking on you is as potent as it ever was.
Three:
You’re a couple of hours into your day, and you’re doing some shots with horses now. You’d chosen Hwasa as your director, she’s a visionary in the type of aesthetic you want, and you’ve worked with her numerous times before. She’s very girl power, which is what you love, and you also enjoy the fact that she sees this as a collaboration.
You’ve worked with male directors in the past who think your music video is about showing their vision, and in your early days as a teen, you hadn’t been able to find your voice. Now, as an adult, you have the final say on everything, and Hwasa is the best partner you could think of for a project like this.
The two of you are by the cameras, making sure the shot will be good. The horses are just hanging out with their trainers, and Jaehyun’s a few meters away under the sun tent, waiting for direction.
“So… I’m thinking…” you look at Jaehyun, then at the saddles on the horses, “What if we try a shot with bareback.”
Hwasa casts you a sideways glance. “I mean… visually, I think that would be nicer, it would encapsulate freedom, but at the same time… is Jaehyun skilled enough to mount while bareback?”
“He’s an actor isn’t he?” You turn to look at Jaehyun. God, you can’t wait for him to fall off the horse and eat shit. “Jae!”
He’s sitting in a chair, his head tipped back, cowboy hat obscuring his face. The sound of your voice makes him sit up, his fingers pushing the rim of the hat up so he can look at you.
“Come over here!” Hwasa calls.
He nods, standing then swaggering over to you. He’s having way too much fun in his little cowboy outfit for your liking. “What’s up?”
“How do you feel about trying this scene on bareback?” Hwasa asks.
Jaehyun looks at the two of you, then over at the horse. “We can give it a go.”
You try to hide your smile, God, this is going to be so satisfying.
Hwasa goes to consult with the safety guys and trainers, who take off the saddle, then talk Jaehyun through how to mount a horse without the aid of stirrups. He nods nonchalantly, as smug as ever.
The scene gets ready, with you and Hwasa behind the camera. “Action!” she calls.
Jaehyun approaches the horse. He stops next to it, stroking it’s hair. You watch him get a gentle grip, and then, in one fluid motion, he hoists himself up, swinging his leg over the horse’s back before steadying himself into a seated position. He guides the horse by its hair to make a neat circle, looking like the most skilled cowboy ever, then he turns and flashes you that smug smile of his as Hwasa yells “cut!”
“That was amazing,” Hwasa tells you. “God, Jaehyun was such a good choice for this.”
“Really? How so?” you ask.
“Just, I know he’s not a stereotypical salt of the earth man. He’s not all American, he’s not a cowboy with a five o'clock shadow- this… dichotomy of visuals versus lyrical interpretation, how any man can be the right man if given the chance, despite all these stereotypes-”
You can feel your expression fall. Sometimes you hate how artsy Hwasa is, with her bachelor's in English and her way with words and interpretations. You can’t argue with her analysis, because if that’s what she gets out of the visual of Jaehyun flawlessly mounting a horse bareback, then that’s her view of it.
“Do you want to try to mount bareback too?” Hwasa asks, drawing herself out of her musings to focus on the scenes she wants in the time allotted.
You release a sigh. “I guess we can give it a try.”
“If it’s too dangerous-”
“If Jae can do it, I can too,” you insist, not wanting to be one-upped by him.
You’re in a long flowy silver dress with a slit up the thigh, and you remove your white overcoat. Jenni, your makeup artist double-checks you, and you’re handed your flashy disco-ball-styled cowboy hat.
The safety team and trainers give you a talk about how to mount the horse, and after listening carefully, you feel ready to take on the task.
Your horse is black, and your outfit is meant to be a contrast. It’s a beautiful horse, and when Hwasa calls ‘Action!’ you approach it carefully. You can feel your heart racing in your chest, and you stop next to the large animal, stroking it for a moment while you gain the courage to try to mount it.
As you make the leap, hoisting yourself up- Jaehyun calls out, “Don’t slip!”
And of course, that’s exactly what happens. Your leg can’t get a grip over the horse, you trip up a little with the silky material of your dress, and just like that, you’re back on the ground with two feet, sending a death glare over your shoulder at Jaehyun.
“It was a nice effort!” Hwasa encourages you.
“Not many people get it on their first try,” a trainer agrees.
You watch Jaehyun smile smugly, and an annoyance unlike any you’ve ever experienced fills you as he meticulously watches you try to complete the scene.
Four:
It’s near the end of your first day of filming. Hwasa had decided on a one day permit for the horses in the desert, opting to get all the scenes involving the large, beautiful animals done in one big go, and now, she’s explaining the final shots she needs to you and Jaehyun.
“So, we’re skipping through the linear timeline a little right now,” your director explains. “This is one of the final shots of the music video, so we’re going to imagine that at this point, the two of you are completely in love.” You and Jaehyun exchange a look. “You’re riding on horseback in the desert. We want bliss, joy, a comfortable kind of peace that comes when you can truly be yourself with another person, a freedom.”
She gazes pointedly at you and Jaehyun.
“I think we can manage,” you scene partner says, but there’s an edge of hesitation in his voice.
“We’re thinking ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey, but instead of motorcycles, you’re on horses. Think about how effortless she looked, how devil-may-care,” Hwasa, ever the Lana Del Rey enthusiast, explains. “You know her song ‘Young and Beautiful?’ There’s a line, ‘Hot summer nights, mid July, when you and I were forever wild.’ Do you guys have that?”
You love that Hwasa enjoys poetic music, it’s one of the reasons you’d been so drawn to her when you wanted to shift out of your role as a child star turned pop icon. Hwasa had been adamant about the Lana Del Rey stylings that she wanted to influence ‘Model Cowboy,’ the American Dream, wild and poetic love.
However, with all that said, you’d never imagined Lana Del Rey would be tainted by the imaginings of Jaehyun as your lover, and it leaves a sour taste in your mouth.
You’ve already gone over blocking, and Hwasa’s explained the drones and cameras set up to take the shots, so now, all that’s left to do, is get through the day.
Jaehyun can tell you’re lost in thought, he can see the dissatisfied look on your face, but before he can call you on it, Johnny pulls him to the side.
“Good luck with this one,” Johnny muses, patting him on the shoulder. “And don’t fall off your horse, you’ve got to be in Milan in a couple of days for the big Prada show.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jaehyun brushes his manager off. “I’ve got this.”
“That’s my little go-getter actor,” Johnny grins, having scored a goldmine when he landed Jaehyun as his client, despite being a very young and new manager in the industry. “Be the Model Cowboy you always wanted to be.”
Jaehyun takes a deep breath before joining you. “You ready?” he asks.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you sigh.
“Okay guys, we’re in love!” Hwasa bellows. “We’ve got this! And… action!”
Your expression immediately changes, suddenly, you’re grinning, in fact, you’re glowing. It takes a second for Jaehyun to follow your lead, but then, the two of you are playfighting and tickling, laughing like young lovers who are tasting what it feels like to have found their soulmate for the very first time.
Jaehyun knows the blocking, he knows when to wrap his arms around you after a few feet of chasing, when to lift you up and spin you as you laugh and gently kick. He knows when to set you down, going in for a kiss only for you to break free and dart to your horse, effortlessly swinging yourself up onto the black stallion and taking off.
Jaehyun is right behind you, mounting his own white horse and following.
He does his best to keep an easy going, loving expression, and at first, it’s a little difficult. But, as more seconds of the two of you riding through the desert go by, Jaehyun remembers the way he felt about you when you first met.
You’d been just kids then. Two young teens still growing into your bodies, into your personalities. He remembers how beautiful you’d been, even then, how your smile had lit up the room, as it does now when you turn your head to look over your shoulder at him, making sure the distance between you is still correct.
Of course it’s correct, if you want to be anal, Jaehyun can be anal too, and he’s not going to give you any reason to nitpick after the day he’s had.
No, Jaehyun’s an actor. He’s a professional.
In fact, he’s a Model Cowboy as he chases you through the desert on horseback.
God, the way you’re looking back at him- you’ve really grown into your looks, and Jaehyun’s not making things up when he says you’re glowing. The golden hour sun is hitting you just right, and suddenly, Jaehyun’s heart is racing. He feels alive, he feels- as if this whole thing is real. He forgets the cameras for just a few moments, getting lost in the experience of being young, wild, and free, with you.
Something shifts inside of him, although, Jaehyun’s so enthralled with you that he can’t quite pin what’s just taken place.
The scene is over all too quickly, the two of you making your blocking mark at the bottom of one of the rocky cliff faces that litter Joshua Tree National Park. You slow your horse, coming to a stop, your expression falling.
Jaehyun feels his own smile drop as he stops next to you. He swallows thickly, not knowing quite what to say, so, he decides to note, “Wow, your acting has really improved!”
He means it as a compliment, but your expression turns even more sour, and he knows he’s messed up.
“Well that’s a back handed compliment if I’ve ever heard one,” you scowl.
“I-” Jaehyun’s words get caught in his throat, and he has to swallow a lump just to continue, “I meant it in a good way, I was trying to be nice.”
“If that was you trying to be nice, it makes sense why you can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a month or so,” you snap.
Jaehyun’s chest hurts, and he stares at you in shock. It’s all the more painful, because in some ways, what you’ve just said is true. He’s used to only dating models, people in the industry who aren’t as successful as he is. He’s only ever entered relationships where there’s a power imbalance, and he supposes in a situation like that, any negative feedback could be biting- yet, it’s different with you.
You’re the one with the power here, and it’s clear you won’t take any criticisms from him. You stand up for yourself, in a way no woman ever has around Jaehyun.
As he watches you lead your horse away, signaling the end of the interaction, Jaehyun realizes maybe he kind of likes that you’re very powerful in your own right. Maybe he likes a woman who can defend herself and doesn’t just take what the world throws at her.
Maybe… just maybe, after all this time, he likes you.
Five:
The locations crew had found a really cool oldstyle cowboy motel for everyone to stay at. It had been relatively inexpensive compared to other filming location lodgings in the past, and renting the whole place, including the mess hall, for four days had been the obvious choice.
You’re sitting with Mark and Hwasa, all three of you have trays of food from the buffet, but none of you are focused on eating. Hwasa has her iPad out, and she’s going through the shots of the day with Mark. You remind yourself when you peak at the screen that there’s still a lot of editing to do, but so far, it’s looking quite good.
Your stylist, Jenni, is also with you, and she’s capturing the majority of your attention as she shows you pictures of the costumes set for tomorrow. Your long silver dress is being swapped out for a pink palette upscale cowgirl aesthetic, with Jaehyun in creams and blues to match the lighter blush colours.
You notice Jaehyun walk into the large dining area. He and his manager, Johnny, head straight for the food, and they tilt their heads together, thick as thieves out of ear shot.
When they’re done filling their trays, they begin to head to a table, and that’s when Hwasa calls them over. “Rough shots,” she explains. “Jae, you sit next to y/n and I’ll show you both some of the details.”
You flash Jenni a look, hating that she has to move over for the model to sit.
Jaehyun is awkward as he does so, apologizing to Jenni, which is his only saving grace.
When he settles, your shoulders are touching, and he leans closer to get a look at the iPad that Hwasa is holding. Hwasa doesn’t show all the shots, just her favourites, and you have to admit, the visuals are stunning even before any editing for light and colour.
Then, Hwasa shows you all the footage from the last scene you’d shot, the one with you and Jaehyun playfighting then leaping on horses.
“This is so good,” Hwasa tells you. “You both look so natural on horses, the drone shots are perfect, and the golden hour? Stunning.”
While all of that is true, you’re more focused on how in love you and Jaehyun look. It’s weird to be seeing you and Jaehyun like this. It’s almost out of body, or doppleganger realm, because how the heck did you manage to look so happy and in love with Jeong Jaehyun of all people?
You feel the actor shift next to you, and you get the sense that he’s uncomfortable with it as well… however, out of the two of you, he has way more experience on screen. You guess you shouldn’t be shocked that he looks very much in love, he gets paid big money to sell those emotions.
“Anyways,” Hwasa sighs, “y/n, tomorrow morning, we shoot sunrise and into the afternoon, then Jaehyun, the latter half of the day is us at the ranch for some more ‘classic’ cowboy scenes.”
“Sounds good,” Jaehyun mumbles. With one last nod of appreciation, he stands up, and it’s as if he can’t get to another table fast enough.
Six:
They’ve been shooting Jaehyun’s cowboy scenes for a couple of hours when he notices your arrival on set. You’re not in the pink costume he’d heard about you wearing this morning, and you’re not all dolled up either.
You’re in a light jacket and jean shorts, a more relaxed look, and yet, you’re still stunning.
You’re next to Hwasa, looking at camera angles and shots, and while you seem to be making a few notes to the director, Jaehyun appreciates that you aren’t trying to micromanage him yourself.
Shooting continues for another hour, and Hwasa calls a short break so she can figure out what else needs to be done today while they have the ranch.
At first, Jaehyun just goes and grabs a water. Johnny is hyping him up, but the actor is hardly paying attention, his gaze focused on you instead.
Jaehyun can’t help himself, he walks over to you. You look up from Hwasa like a deer in headlights, and something about it is very endearing. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, can I uh… talk to you for a sec?” Jaehyun asks.
“You know what? Yeah, that’s a good idea,” you nod, “come with me.”
You grab his arm, dragging him away. Jaehyun’s a little confused as to where you’re taking him, and when he finds himself in the privacy of a secluded location behind his trailer, he’s even more confounded.
“Uh….” he starts, wetting his lips.
“What did you need?”
“I was just… guess I was wondering what you were doing here? Didn’t your shoot finish a couple of hours ago? Figured you’d be getting some rest at the motel.”
“It’s my music video,” you remind him. “Also… management thought it would be good to let tabloids get some shots of us shooting today, that’s why I pulled you over here, we allowed them the field of view to your trailer.”
“So that’s why you took me to such a secluded spot,” Jaehyun grins.
“It’s the only reason I touched your arm,” you retort.
“Careful, don’t look so angry,” Jaehyun warns you, his hands reaching out to grab your hips and pull you closer. “Wouldn’t want to mess up your tabloid shots.”
You roll your eyes. “Tabloid won’t be on the property till after your last take in an hour or so. Don’t jump the gun, cowboy. After your next scene, you can be as much of a little model slut as you’d like.”
“You think I’m a slut?” Jaehyun asks, shocked that you’re talking to him in this way.
“Am I wrong?”
Jaehyun stands there for a moment, and then, he releases his grip on your hips. “Guess not.”
“So, after you’re done the next scene, we come here, and see if we can pretend to like each other,” you instruct.
“We just have to be as convincing as we were yesterday,” Jaehyun muses.
You open your mouth to respond, but then you shut it, and Jaehyun’s left wondering what you would have said for the next hour.
He wonders how far you’ll let him take things, and part of him wishes you’d answered his question about boundaries yesterday. This feels like uncharted waters, and his heart is racing when he finally meets you behind his trailer again.
“Okay,” you sigh. “Do your worst.”
Jaehyun feels himself begin to salivate, and he swallows thickly. There’s no way he’ll do his worst. His worst, would be throwing you against the trailer and having his way with you right here and now- asserting his dominance and seeing if you push back in any way- he suspects you like him more than you let on, after all, Jaehyun’s never met a girl he couldn’t tame.
Life’s hard when you have a stunning face and a hot body to match.
Jaehyun reaches for your hips, pulling you closer. His skin is tingling with excitement. “I’m going to say something funny, and you should laugh,” he whispers.
You grin broadly, but the expression doesn’t meet your eyes. “Depends on if what you say is funny or not,” you counter.
Jaehyun’s mind suddenly goes blank. His pick-up lines, his jokes- they all fly out the proverbial window. He doesn’t know what to say, so instead, he begins to lean in-
You turn your head at the last second and Jaehyun’s lips graze past your cheek. He’s a little taken aback at first, but he leans into it, reminding himself that you’d told him to improv. “Is this okay?” he whispers in your ear, still wanting to double-check with you although every fiber of his being is telling him to just do what he wants.
“It’s okay,” you respond, wrapping your arms loosely around the back of his neck. “You’re the actor.”
For some reason, it feels like a compliment that you’re making the distinction between the two of you. You’re right, he’s the actor, and you’re the Grammy award-winning singer.
His lips continue softly on your cheek, and then he adjusts, pressing kisses down to your throat. You shift in his embrace, tilting your head to the side to give him more access.
“Jae-” you warn.
“Just a few more, for the tabloids,” he whispers, nuzzling into your neck moreso than kissing now.
You release a sigh, and with your chests pressed together, Jaehyun can feel your heart racing.
He wonders if you can feel his going a mile a minute too.
Seven:
You eat in your room with Mark, too shaken up by your interaction with Jaehyun earlier to dare enter the mess hall yourself.
“So, I was just sent the tabloid pictures for final approval,” Mark sighs, joining you on the bed so you can see his phone. “They’ll be up in the morning.”
“Just choose your favourites,” you murmur.
“Uh…” Mark blinks at you. “I really think you should look at them with me.”
You take a deep breath. “Fine.”
Shifting your gaze to Mark’s phone, he scrolls through the shots, and you hate how natural they look. You and Jaehyun just look good together, and it sets your teeth on edge.
“The cheek kissing is cute,” Mark says thoughtfully. “The way you’re holding each other looks real.”
It looks too real, in fact.
“I’m just happy we have opposing shoot schedules tomorrow,” you admit with another deep breath. You can see Mark side-eying you, and you hold up a hand before he can respond. “Don’t say a word.”
“It’s just…” Mark struggles at times to surpass your commands. He’s your assistant first and foremost, but your company also expects him to have somewhat of a managerial role over you, and you know it’s a fight for him to find balance at times. “Everyone has shipped the two of you since you were younger. People say it’s like Britney and Justin in the Mickey Mouse Club House show- then you were teenagers, and you went different directions-”
“Well, Britney and Justin didn’t end up together, did they?” It’s a rhetorical question, and from the way Mark sighs, he knows it.
“You’re missing the point,” he struggles.
You turn your gaze to him. “Am I?”
Mark releases a breath, dropping the issue. You feel bad shutting him down like this, but at the same time, you don’t want to open the can of ‘Jaehyun’ worms, if you will. No, you’d much rather ignore it for right now.
You’re filming a music video for your new album, and you have much bigger fish to fry.
Eight:
If Jaehyun wasn’t needed for business calls with Johnny today, he might be on set watching you, and Jaehyun can’t get it out of his head as he chills in his motel room and listens to his manager working.
It’s three hours into calls and details before Johnny is able to take a break, and he sets down his phone with a pointed look on his face. “You’re being weird.”
“Am I?” Jaehyun lets out a small laugh, but there’s little humor in it.
“Talk to me,” Johnny says lightly, giving an air of friendship despite the fact that he’s still in his role as manager. “Talk to me about this whole PR, fake dating thing.”
Jaehyun shrugs. “What’s there to talk about?”
“Those fake tabloid pictures of you and y/n from yesterday on set dropped an hour ago, they’re trending on Twitter,” Johnny points out.
“It’s called ‘X’ now, actually.”
Johnny narrows his eyes. “I’m never going to call it ‘X.’ It’s fucking Twitter.”
Jaehyun can’t help but laugh, for real this time. He loves Johnny, loves him for all of his little millennial quirks.
“Honestly?” Jaehyun sighs, feeling his energy sift again. “Y/N’s super uptight, but… she can act like she’s not, and that’s a different side of her that I wasn’t really expecting.”
Johnny is quiet for a few moments. “Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it.”
“That song from her first album, ‘Forget About Him,’ was that written about you? Is there a past here?”
“Nah, it wasn’t about me,” Jaehyun assures his manager. “As far as I know, she’s never been interested in me like that. We had this other costar, Haechan-”
“Lee Donghyuck?”
“Yeah, him. They uh, I think there was something there between them, for a little while at least.”
Jaehyun can feel Johnny’s assessing gaze, and he averts his own eyes.
“It almost seems like you’re jealous, Jae.”
“Yeah, well, Haechan never went on to become a brand ambassador for Prada or star in movies, he was just some little child star.” Jaehyun can taste the bitterness in his words, but he can’t help himself.
“You know who’s not just a child star?” Johnny asks. “Y/N. You two are, without argument, the most successful people to come out of the show you were in when you were younger.”
“We’re both very driven,” Jaehyun admits. “I do admire that about her, she has a Grammy for fucks sake.”
“What I’m getting from this,” Johnny concludes, “is that you’re completely fine with this whole fake dating arrangement.”
“Well, as my manager, you should know I’m a good actor,” Jaehyun counters.
Johnny laughs. “Sure you are. Tomorrow is the last day of shooting, you’ve got that big kissing scene, I guess we’ll all see how good of an actor you are then.”
Nine:
There’s something comical about the fact that both you and Jaehyun are chewing gum in preparation for your kissing scene. Together, you’re with Hwasa as she goes over the vision for the shot.
“So, we’re thinking Jae’s going to grab your neck,” Hwasa starts, “gently, of course. More of a cupping the nape of your neck than a grab, actually. It’s going to be slow, a slow exploration of moving closer. Lots of close-ups of the two of you gazing into each other’s eyes. It’s about breaking the distance, about two worlds colliding and connecting in a way that feels natural, unrushed, and just, electric.”
Jaehyun nods, looking at you. “We can do this.” You wish you were as sure as he sounds right now.
Jaehyun takes out a tissue, and the two of you spit out your gum, disposing the trash before moving into position.
The shot is on the edge of a cliff, with the desert and sunset stretching out like a vast, yellowy-orange ocean behind you.
It’s as you approach your marked spot that you remember something. “Jae,” you ask softly, “are you still afraid of heights?”
You watch him take a deep breath, and he nods, standing a few feet from the drop-off. You notice he’s looking everywhere but down, and something inside of you softens for him.
Here you are, worried about the kiss, and here this man is, worried about falling off the edge of a cliff and dying.
“We’ve got some space between us and the edge,” you tell him, stepping closer. “Here, grab my hips, we’re both steady, we’re not going to fall.”
Jaehyun’s lips part, and you can see the confusion on his face.
You suppose you’ve never been nurturing to him, but you can’t help yourself with this. You don’t mean to be a bitch, in fact, you’d argue adamantly that you’re not a malicious person. Jaehyun just pisses you off a lot, and his behavior generally merits a reaction- but right now, he deserves a bit of peace of mind, and you can see him relax a little as his hands grab your waist.
“Feels more steady?” you double-check.
“Yeah.” He swallows thickly, nodding.
“We’ve got this,” you assure him.
“Are we ready!?” Hwasa calls.
You flash a thumbs up, turning your attention back to Jaehyun.
“And… action!”
The two of you simply stare at each other for a moment. Hwasa had said she wanted this to be slow. You’re shocked at how exposed you feel looking up into Jaehyun’s eyes. He really is a very handsome man, and he looks so extremely vulnerable right now.
His gaze shifts to your lips, and you allow him to take the lead. One of his hands moves up your body, cupping the back of your neck gently. You can smell the spearmint on his breath, as he moves closer.
You maintain eye contact until the moment your lips meet, and then, you do your best to just relax, to forget about the cameras pointed at you. You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, following Jaehyun’s motions, following the gentle notes that soon become more heated.
His tongue swipes against your bottom lip, and on instinct, you open your mouth for him, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer.
You try to convince yourself that you’re leaning into this for the sake of the scene, that you’re just being good actors together, but there’s something underneath it all. There’s a desperation. You can almost taste it below the spearmint on his tongue.
It feels good to be kissing Jaehyun, and the realization makes you break the kiss, opening your eyes and blinking in an effort to get yourself out of the daze that’s come over you.
“That was amazing!” Hwasa’s voice is like a slap. “I’ve got some shots, but I’ll need you guys to do it one more time.”
Jesus.
“You good?” Jaehyun asks.
You nod, swallowing thickly. “Let’s just go again.”
You’re kissing him again all too soon, and this time, it’s like fireworks. Your heart is racing in your chest, your skin electrified as you cling to Jaehyun, diving deeper into the feeling of him.
This time, he’s the one to break the kiss, and he looks away immediately. You notice him breathing heavily, but before you can say anything, Hwasa’s approaching again.
“Okay, that was amazing, and I hate to be that person, but I’ve decided I want drone shots too, so… third time is the charm?” She looks between you and Jaehyun and both of you are quick to nod, although, neither of you has yet found your voice.
“You good?” you ask him as Hwasa goes back to her spot, her main drone lifting into the sky with an electric thrum.
“Yeah, just one more,” Jaehyun says, voice wavering.
The two of you get back into position, and you study Jaehyun carefully. You’re looking at him, truly looking at him, and he’s looking at you with the same fierceness. You can tell something has shifted between the two of you, but at this time, you’re unsure how deep it really is.
He kisses you again on Hwasa’s direction, and you wonder how normal it is to feel this way during a kissing scene with a fellow acting partner.
You’ve never had to do this before, but you know Jaehyun has. He’s been in two or three rom-coms, there must be a way to stay professional after kissing a costar, right?
But God, he still feels so good.
You’d thought - or maybe hoped - that the first kiss would be a one-off. That the second wouldn’t be as great, and by now, maybe the butterflies would have escaped the cage in your tummy, but no, the feeling surging through you is as powerful and electric as it had been with the first meeting of your lips.
He leaves you breathless.
Standing on the edge of the cliff with Jaehyun, you realize you’re in deep shit.
Ten:
Jaehyun notices you in the mess hall. You’re looking over food, plating up your dinner, and he decides now is as good a time as any to talk to you.
He doesn’t mean to be a quiet, sneaky sort of guy, but he can’t help the lightness of his walk. When he goes to stand next to you, saying “Hi,” you practically jump, your food stray scrambling a little as you compose yourself.
“Jesus,” you cuss. “You scared me!”
“Sorry,” he apologizes sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “So… uh, the shoot is over, I head to Milan tomorrow-”
“Yup, I know your schedule,” you nod, sighing. “It’s in our contract that I come to your show and be front row to watch you, remember?”
“Right, yeah.” Jaehyun swallows thickly. “So… reporters are going to be asking a lot of questions about us.”
“Uh huh, that was the point of the paparazzi pics.” You continue filling your tray with food, so unbothered and cool in your movements that it makes Jaehyun’s heart beat faster. Are you unaffected by your kiss from earlier? Because Jaehyun can’t get the feeling of your lips out of his mind.
“I just uh, wanted to say, you can trust me to give the right answers and stuff. I’m PR trained.”
God, Jaehyun wants to strangle himself. He feels so nervous, and the look you give him tells him that you think he’s being a dork. He’s definitely being a dork-
“Okay?” you laugh. “I’m PR trained too, we both took classes when we were kids, remember?”
“Right,” he’s such an idiot, “yeah. Anyways, I guess… I guess I’ll see you in Milan in a couple of days.”
“Sounds good.”
With one final nod, Jaehyun leaves you be, and he beats himself up about the awkwardness of the conversation for the rest of the night.
Eleven:
In this week's news, our favourite kids’ show alumni were spotted getting close on set. y/n’s new music video, Model Cowboy, is set to be one of the videos of the summer, starring Prada ambassador Jung Jaehyun. The two have a long history, and while there have been rumors about their romantic connection in the past, nothing has ever been confirmed… until now.
TMZ dropped a photo of the two embracing outside Jaehyun’s trailer, and the internet officially broke. #modelcowboy has been going absolutely wild on X. One user wrote: “all my dreams are finally coming true! Thank you mama e papa!” While another took to X to say this: “At first, I didn’t love Jaehyun as the whole ‘model cowboy’ trope. He just doesn’t fit it for me. But I don’t know, something about the pictures of him and y/n just feels right- guess you don’t need a history as a rancher to be a cowboy, he’s definitely lassoed my heart.“
So far, the general consensus around our new ‘It Couple’ is that it’s been a long time coming. While there’s no official confirmation about their relationship, one of our reporters caught Jaehyun after a show in Milan last night. When asked about their time shooting the music video together, the actor/Prada ambassador had this to say about y/n: “She was amazing. The whole experience [filming Model Cowboy] went without a hitch. She’s super talented, one of the most driven women I know, and I can’t wait to see how this music video pans out for her.”
When asked about the pictures of the two of them that have been trending, Jaehyun said: “I mean, she’s beautiful, she’s an icon- who wouldn’t want a chance with her?” When the reporter clarified by asking if they’re dating, Jaehyun noted, “You’ll have to ask y/n, I’d never be ‘that’ guy who would speak for a powerful woman like her.”
All we can say is damn, that’s a green flag if we’ve ever seen one.
Stay tuned for all things celebrity drama and news on our website, or follow us on Instagram and Snapchat for daily updates.
Twelve:
There’s nothing like the closing night of a show. Jaehyun feels elated, he feels on the top of his game, like nothing could bring him down.
“You were amazing,” another model tells him, fluffing her hair up with her hand as the two of them decompress backstage.
“You were amazing, Vivienne,” he retorts, never feeling more giddy and boyish than he does now.
“I’m good, but I’m not model of the year good,” she grins.
“You’re still new,” Jaehyun assures her, although, pride is swelling through him.
He sees her skin flush, her eye lashes fluttering at him-
“Jae?” your voice draws him out of his assessment of Vivienne, and he turns in shock to find you standing there.
You look stunning, your stylist team has really outdone themselves with your looks for the past couple of days- but there’s a sour set to your lips that immediately tells him something is wrong.
“Y/N?” he asks.
“Am I… interrupting something?” your gaze shifts to Vivienne, and Jaehyun immediately understands what’s going on.
“Excuse us,” he says to Vivienne, grabbing your hand to tug you a few feet away. His voice lowers when he asks, “Are you jealous right now?”
“No,” you retort immediately. “What reason would I have to be jealous?”
You’re making a big show about the notion of jealousy being ridiculous, but Jaehyun knows he’s hit the nail on the head.
“No reason at all,” Jaehyun assures you, and he truly means it. He knows this whole dating this is a PR move, but he hasn’t been able to get you out of his head all week. Every time he’s walked past you sitting front row at the shows- well, he’s been feeling butterflies in a way that he’s hardly been able to admit to himself. “Hey, listen-”
“No, you listen,” you cut him off. “Your show is over, we both fly different places tomorrow morning, management will set our schedules to keep up this whole fake dating thing, I just wanted to say goodbye before I go back to my hotel.”
“Oh, right.” Jaehyun can feel his heart sink in his chest. “Uh… where are you staying?”
“I’m at the Four Seasons.”
“Do you maybe want to get drinks later or something?” he asks.
“I’m sure you have after parties to go to with your… model friends.” Your gaze shifts to Vivienne again, and that same sour twist to your lips appears.
Jaehyun wants to reassure you, but- the words just aren’t coming. Besides, what would he even say? We’re fake dating but I’ve been rethinking our entire dynamic since we kissed and now I’m not so sure I want it to be fake, because I’m actually really into you, and all of our bickering in the past has been because I’m jealous of your driven nature and I’ve seen you as competition but now I see that we can do more together than apart?
It feels like a lot of word vomit, and Jaehyun’s not about to projectile all of that at you right now. He doesn’t want to look stupid again, doesn’t want to feel like an idiot. He’s scared of rejection, in a way he’s never been scared of it before.
Instead, dejected, he just nods. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Okay, so you go have fun, I’m going back to my hotel, and like I said, I’ll see you when I see you.”
Jaehyun watches you leave, and suddenly, the high from the fashion show has depleted. No one has ever had this kind of hold on his emotions before, and Jaehyun knows he’s going to have to do something about it, he just doesn’t know what.
Thirteen:
“Jeeze, Mark, I told you, I’m going to bed-” Your words cut off as you open your hotel door and find Jaehyun, not Mark, standing there.
“Uh… Hi?” Jaehyun smile sheepishly, and you look him up and down.
He’s in a form fitting suit, but it looks somewhat ragged. His shirt is unbuttoned haphazardly, his hair a little fussed, and his cheeks are flushed pink.
“What are you doing here?” you ask.
“Well, I went to the afterparty, like you told me to, but… I don’t know, I just felt bad about how we left things.”
You’re shocked at how candid he’s being, and you don’t see a hint of dishonestly in his body language. “Have… have you been drinking?” you question next.
“Just a little,” he admits. “Can I…” Jaehyun looks around the hallway outside. “Can I come in?”
“I should really be going to sleep soon-”
“Yeah, I heard, Mark’s been on your ass,” Jaehyun nods, swallowing, “but uh…” he leans forward, voice lowering, “What’s that pipsqueak going to do about you staying up just a little later? I mean, you can sleep on your flight tomorrow, can’t you?”
Yeah, Jaehyun is drunk. “Did you just call Mark a pipsqueak?” you ask in shock.
“So what if I did?” He grins lazily.
“Jae-”
“y/n.”
You sigh. “Come in, sit down, and let me grab you some water.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His smile is much too large for your liking as he enters your hotel room, going to the couch like a good boy.
You can feel his eyes on you as you get him a bottle of water from the fridge, moving to join him. “Here.”
“Thanks.” He unscrews the cap as you sit down, taking a large gulp.
“So… what’s this about?”
He’s still drinking the water, like a child after a marathon, just drinking and drinking with small stops to gasp for air- you can’t help but laugh a little, watching with amusement.
Jaehyun finishes the entire bottle. “So-” He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“Making you jealous earlier.”
“What?” You’re in shock. “I was not jealous.”
“You were, and it’s okay.” He places his hand on your knee and you look down at it then up at him questioningly. “I was jealous of you and Haechan back in the day, but the difference is, I wasn’t hitting on Vivienne, I was just trying to be nice to her, you know, as male model of the year and everything.”
“Jae-”
“I wasn’t hitting on her,” he says again, expression turning firm. “You’re my girlfriend and I’d never, ever do that to you.”
“I’m not your girlfriend.”
“Contractually, you are,” Jaehyun insists. “I can be a good boyfriend to you, if you let me try.”
He’s leaning in now, and you grab a pillow, haphazardly shoving it between the two of you so he can kiss that instead.
“Jae!” You hop off of the couch, heart racing.
“Shit, sorry, you’re just- God, have I ever told you that you glow?” Jaehyun looks up at you with an expression you’ve never seen on him, it’s almost like admiration.
“What are you even saying?”
“You glow. You light up the room. You just- you sparkle, even without disco balls and diamonds.”
You wrap your silky night robe tighter around your body, feeling self conscious. “I don’t glow.”
“You do,” he insists. “Even when we were younger. I think- I think part of me always worried your glow would diminish mine, if that makes sense- but, but after seeing some of the footage from the music video, I see that, now that we’re older, when we do stuff together, when we’re not competing, we can glow together.”
So he’s like… very drunk.
But… haven’t you always heard that drunk words are sober thoughts?
You look down at him, and it feels like you’re seeing him in a new light.
“Jae?” you question.
“Yes?”
“What’s going on?”
“When we kissed that day on set, I felt something.”
“Are you… not used to feeling things?” you ask.
“Not feeling things like that,” Jaehyun corrects. “I mean, butterflies, sparks, you know, corny rom com shit.”
Your stomach flips, heart beginning to beat faster in your chest- so he’d felt the connection too.
“Look, okay, this is going to be embarrassing if you reject me, but, fuck it, I want to get this all off my chest.” Jaehyun takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his silky hair to steady himself. “I like you. I think, a part of me has always liked you, but, I also used to see you as competition. Now that we’re older, now that we’re both successful, I don’t see you that way anymore- and before you think that’s another backhanded compliment, I just mean, you’ve won Grammys. You’re- a fucking star. And I think… maybe I’ve grown to the point where I can accept other people’s successes without seeing it as a diminishment on my own.”
You’re surprised he can speak this well and use big words while clearly feeling the effects of alcohol, and even more than that, you’re surprised by the context of what he’s saying.
Jeong Jaehyun thinks you’re a star. He recognizes your hard work and your success. He’s not just some smug asshole looking down at you, he’s actually seeing you, and maybe… maybe you’re beginning to see him.
“I appreciate the compliment of what you’re saying,” you tell him, picking your own words carefully.
“There’s that PR training,” Jaehyun winks. “You’re cute. Glowy, little, cute, superstar. Maybe that’s what I should call you, my little superstar, the media would eat it up.”
“That’s your PR training,” you laugh.
“We can’t help it,” he smiles up at you.
“Can I say something without you getting upset?”
“I’ll do my best,” Jaehyun promises solemnly.
“I want to start by saying this isn’t a rejection,” you clarify, “I just wish you would have told me all of this while sober, instead of showing up at my apartment near midnight before we both fly out of town in the morning.”
“I can see that,” Jaehyun nods. “I guess, you kind of scare me.”
“I scare you?” you laugh.
“Uh huh.” He swallows thickly. “Like heights.”
He’s so adorably dorky for a famous actor and Prada brand ambassador.
“But- on that cliff that day, when we kissed, and you reassured me, and you let me hold your hips- I don’t know, it was nice. I- thanks, thanks for doing that.”
“I can be quite nurturing if I think someone deserves it,” you tell him. “Which, speaking of, you’re still drunk, and you downed that whole bottle of water, I think I should get you another, and maybe we can move somewhere more comfortable.”
“Like.. the bedroom?” There’s a glint in his eye, and it makes you scoff.
“Get your mind out of the gutter Jae, you can stay on this couch for all I care.”
“I’ll be good,” he promises, crossing his heart haphazardly.
“Come on.” You hold your hand out for him and Jaehyun takes it, allowing you to help him to his feet. You go get another bottle of water and the two of you move to the bedroom. The mattress is substantially more comfortable than the couch, and Jaehyun releases an audible moan as he clammers down onto it.
You get situated, moing under the covers so you feel less exposed.
“I like it when you’re nice like this,” Jaehyun sighs.
“I’d be nicer if you didn’t always tease me.”
“You like it when I tease.”
“I actually hated it when you told me not to slip as I was getting onto the horse during the shoot, and it completely made me mess up and slip,” you point out, still irritated by that ordeal.
“Okay, to be fair, yes, I’m sorry, but also, your dress was silky as fuck, you were going to slip even if I didn’t say anything, and that’s not your fault, it’s Jenni’s for not giving you better clothes to actually ride a horse with.”
He has a point there.
“So…” Jaehyun switches topic, his demeanor getting more anxious, “back on the couch, you said you weren’t rejecting me… can you… can you explain what that meant.”
“It meant I’m not rejecting you.”
“And salt of the earth means salt of the earth,” Jaehyun retorts, rolling his eyes. “Can you give me a Mark style explanation on what you meant.”
“I meant…” you think about it for a second. “I like you too, I think you might be more into me than I’m into you at the moment-”
“Oh yeah?” he counters, crossing his arms over his chest and getting pouty.
“Yeah,” you laugh.
“Fine, okay, maybe,” Jaehyun concedes. “But?”
“But… I’m willing to explore something with you.”
“Yeah?” His expression brightens. “Really?”
“We’d just have to sort out details, you know- we’re on contract for three or so months, so, if we gave it a real go, and things ended before our contract, how would that even work? There are limitations to having a relationship with someone you work with.”
Jaehyun looks down at the water bottle in his hands, clearly thinking it through. “We can… take it slow? I mean, we’d have to, since we both have different schedules and will be in different countries tomorrow.”
“Slow could work,” you agree.
The two of you stare at each other for a moment, and you almost think he’s going to lean in for a kiss again, and then he asks, “What did happen with you and Haechan? Your first single was about him, right?”
You release a laugh, if this is really a can of worms he wants to open, then you suppose you can let him open it.
You begin to explain to him your history with Haechan, and Jaehyun listens intently. Somehow, he gets the ball rolling on your recent relationship with Lee Jeno, and before you know it, two hours have passed with the two of you just discussing past relationships.
Jaehyun tells you about his own ex’s, about his lack of accountability and emotional maturity. He gives voice to all the trouble spots you’ve identified about him in the past, and clarity on his hopes for being better in the future.
He also noticeably sobers up, which makes you feel a lot better about having this sort of intimate conversation with him.
Soon, you’re both just laying in bed facing each other, talking about everything and anything. “Do you remember that time the catering company on set changed?” Jaehyun asks.
“Oh my god, yeah, when the higher ups wanted more vegan and vegetarian options, and it was just like, raw fruit and veggies with store bought hummus?”
“Jaemin wasn’t used to eating anything that wasn’t carbs or meat and in the middle of a take he had to run to the bathroom?” Jaehyun adds.
“Shat his pants and everything, pissed wardrobe off in a way I’ve never seen,” you giggle. “What ever happened to him?”
“I don’t keep up with many of our old castmates,” Jaehyun admits. “But I think he’s some radio show host or something now, has a segment about embarrassing first dates and stuff.”
“He always loved messy gossip,” you sigh, happy to be reminiscing in this way.
There are only a handful of people who can understand what it was like to be on a kids show in your early teens, only a few others in the world you could possibly have this conversation with.
Despite your differences, you and Jaehyun come from the same place, and it makes it easy to talk to him.
Jaehyun’s staring at you, and he pushes a strand of hair out of your face. “Should I let you sleep?” he asks. “It’s two AM.”
You’re hardly tired at this point, and now that Jae’s sober… and in your bed… your own mind has found its way into the gutter, and you’re not quite sure what to do about that.
“Can I be honest with you?” you ask.
“Always.”
“I haven’t gotten laid in a long time,” you sigh. “And… we’re flying to different places tomorrow, so maybe it’s not the best idea I’ve ever had-”
“It is,” Jaehyun interrupts you. “The best idea you’ve ever had.” You shoot him a look and Jaehyun laughs, back tracking. “I mean, your lyrics and albums are great ideas too- but I just mean… If you’re horny, then you’re horny, and I’m, well, here.”
“I just don’t want you to feel taken advantage of.”
“Even if you’d tried to fuck me when I first walked in here, all drunk and being stupid, it still wouldn’t have been taking advantage of me.”
“I think fucking someone while they’re drunk is one of the most obvious scenarios of taking advantage of someone,” you counter.
“Okay, true, but- you know what I’m saying.” Jaehyun flashes you a knowing look. “If you want me to fuck you, I’ll fuck you.”
“That’s so romantic,” you roll your eyes.
Jaehyun laughs, and then he sits up, looking down at you. “If you want romance, we can go shower together or something. I could… romantically wash your body, and tell you how perfect you are-”
“It’s two am, fuck that. Just kiss me.”
Jaehyun grins, then he leans over you, staring into your eyes. He’s moving slower than you thought he would, and part of you wishes he’d just ravage you like some primal animal- but no, he’s acting like he did in your music video. You can practically see adoration in his eyes, and his hand comes up to cup your cheek in a way that’s almost loving.
“I meant it when I said that you glow,” Jaehyun says softly.
“I know you did,” you breathe, grabbing the back of his neck to draw his lips to yours.
It’s odd how familiar the two of you already are. The kiss isn’t awkward at all, but then again, your first kiss hadn’t been either.
Neither of you are trying to dominate it, you’re moving slowly, reading each other’s body language and cues.
When his tongue gently licks your lip, you open your mouth for him, drawing him closer as the kiss deepens.
Jaehyun shifts in your embrace, and then he’s moving to be between your legs, which spread for him. He’s on top of you now, elbows digging into the pillows while you make out like teenagers in love for the first time.
He just feels so good.
For a long time, you’ve felt like an anxious person. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders, but when you’re kissing Jaehyun, that pressure feels lifted. Your mind goes blank as the two of you make out, your body at the forefront instead of your thoughts.
Jaehyun slowly begins to grind down against you, and the gentle pressure on your clit has you groaning against his lips.
You feel him smirk, and then he begins to kiss down your throat, taking his time to suck gently on your skin.
One of his hands slides up your thigh, teasing the waistband of your sleeping shorts before moving back down again. He’s so warm, and you hips push up for more stimulus.
“Jae-” you whimper, threading your fingers in his hair.
“Slow, or fast?” he asks, pulling away from your throat to look down at you.
“A bit of both.”
He cocks his head to the side.
“Fast to get my clothes off, slow to explore, then make me cum,” you clarify.
Jaehyun laughs. “Whatever you want, superstar.”
Your skin tingles at the nickname, and your pussy throbs as Jaehyun begins to remove his clothes. Each button feels like an eternity to get undone, but when he slips the fabric off, you find yourself practically drooling.
He has such a perfect body, not too lean, not too muscled, just perfect.
Then, Jaehyun begins to take off your robe and you sit up to help him. Soon, your shirt is being tugged over your head, and your nipples immediately pebble at the cool air of your hotel room.
You lay back down, staring up at him while Jaehyun takes in your body.
“Glowing,” he whispers, cupping your breast and rubbing his thumb across your nipple.
You whimper at the sensation, and his eyes move up to your face. He’s grinning at you. “Sensitive?” he asks, gently pinching the bud.
You groan, shifting against the bed. “Yeah.”
“I’ll take care of you,” Jaehyun promises, leaning down to kiss you again.
He begins to descend to your throat again, but this time, he goes even farther down, making it to your chest. The first flick of his tongue against your nipple has you whining, and you thread your fingers through his hair again, closing your eyes to enjoy the sensation.
He continues to suck on your breasts, paying attention to both nipples. You can feel yourself getting wetter and wetter by the second, and you’re torn between loving the feeling of this and wanting something more.
It’s as if he reads you, because he pulls away from your chest, hooking his fingers in your shorts. You both adjust to allow him to get you fully naked, and then he lays down between your legs. He presses kisses along the sensitive flesh of your thighs, looking up at you.
There’d been a time in your life when you hadn’t loved eye contact during pussy eating, but there’s something so erotic about the way Jaehyun’s watching you as he brings his mouth to your core.
He kisses your clit gently, and you watch as his eyes close, his tongue swiping up your folds to taste the wet that has accumulated there.
He groans, delving deeper with his tongue, his large hands grabbing your thighs as an anchor as he begins to devour you.
Has anyone ever eaten you out like this? Jeno wasn’t much of a giver unfortunately, and it feels like forever since you’ve had someone doing to you what Jaehyun is currently doing.
Your entire body feels alive, with each flick and suck- You’re clutching at the blankets now, moaning desperately as he works you up faster than any man before him ever has.
You guess you hadn’t put a time limit on making you cum. You’d told him fast to undress, which he did, slow to explore, which he also did- and now, it seems he’s intent on making you cum on his tongue, which is something you have no issues with.
“Jae-” you whimper, reaching down to tangle your fingers in his hair.
He looks up at you and you begin to move your hips, riding his face. He stays still, letting you use him, and you can tell from the groan he releases that he kind of likes you taking control in this way.
“I’m close,” you tell him. “Please make me cum.”
Jaehyun’s fingers dig into your thighs, and then he’s back at it. He takes lead again, sucking your clit into his mouth while you cry out and grab the sheets with your free hand.
Your eyes close, your back arching a little as he works you closer and closer to the edge.
It’s a steady build of pleasure, and then, you’re tipping over. You release a strangled gasp as ecstasy courses through you like electric shocks from the tip of your head down to your toes and fingers.
You can feel your pussy contracting with pleasure, a steady rhythm that prolongs the sensation. Jaehyun continues to suck on your clit, helping you through everything until you’re a gasping mess.
He relents, and you can hear him sit up. Your eyes are still closed, one hand now haphazardly thrown across your eyes as you try to catch your breath.
The sound of Jaehyun’s pants hitting the floor draws your attention, and you look up to find Jaehyun standing there in all his glory.
“Still want to do this?” he asks.
“Get over here,” you command, opening your arms for him.
Jaehyun flashes you a grin, then he rejoins you on the bed.
Your lips are meeting a moment later. It’s not a gentle slow exploration anymore, but a hungry, lust fuelled haze. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it turns you even more. You wrap your legs around his hips, tugging him closer.
His cock rubs between your pussy lips and you whimper, reaching between yourselves to line him up- Jaehyun takes your hand, moving it aside. Then, two fingers enter your soaked core and you groan against his lips.
“Gotta prep you,” Jaehyun muses. “You said you haven’t been fucked in a while.”
“Don’t tease though,” you warn gently, looking up at him.
“Never.” He kisses you again, drowning out the anxious thoughts as he finger fucks you, spreading his fingers and working you open in preparation for his cock.
Jaehyun begins to curl his digits, hitting the sensitive spot inside of you that has you groaning. You break the kiss to burrow your face against his throat, panting as he draws more and more pleasure out of your already exhausted body.
You feel something drip on your upper thigh, and you look down to see the precum leaking out of Jaehyun’s tip. “Sorry,” he groans, “I’m just, super turned on right now.”
“Then fuck me,” you insist, biting at his earlobe. “I’m prepped now.”
“You sure?”
“We’re both dripping, Jae, just fuck me.”
“You got it, superstar.” Jaehyun grins as he kisses you. He finger fucks you a little more and then he pulls his digits out of your wet core. You watch him sit up, licking his fingers clean, then he grabs the base of his cock.
He presses the tip into you, looking up to watch your reaction. When you release a moan, Jaehyun grins. He steadies over you again, his biceps bulging as his lips meet your own. He pushes deeper inside of you, taking it slow until his hips are flush against yours.
You both groan at the feeling.
“See?” you gasp. “Told you I could take you.”
“Taking me so well,” Jaehyun agrees, his breath hot against your throat as he begins to pepper your skin with kisses.
Jaehyun’s hips start to move, and he fucks you gently at first, allowing your inner walls to get used to the size of him. His kisses distract you as he opens you up, his pace increasing.
You release a loud moan when the tip of his cock hits a deep spot inside of you, and you can feel Jaehyun grin against your throat. “Right there?” he asks, doing the motion again. “Is that the place?”
“Yeah,” you whimper, nodding. “Right there.”
Jaehyun brings his lips to your own, and he kisses you deeply as he continues to abuse that special spot. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, keeping him close as he fucks you. God, you’re so lost in him, in the best possible way.
You never miss out on beauty sleep, but Jaehyun is more than worth it.
“Superstar?”
“Yeah?” you ask, half delirious.
“Would it be bad if I asked you to ride me?”
“Huh?”
“I just- I could still fuck up into you, but I don’t know, I kind of want to see you on top.”
“Really?” you look up at him in shock. “You strike me as a man who likes to have control.”
“Says the woman who likes to have control,” he counters with a grin. “Or… do you just want to be my pillow princess?”
You consider it for a moment. “You know what, yeah, let me get on top, I want to watch you when you cum.”
Jaehyun physically shivers from your words, and you watch his pupils dilate with interest. “Fuck,” he groans. “Yeah, get on top.”
It’s a quick adjustment, with Jaehyun dragging you onto his lap. You sit down on his cock and both of you groan at the feeling. He’s completely inside of you like this, and you press your hands to his chest, steadying yourself for a moment.
Then, you begin to bounce.
Jaehyun throws his head back against the pillows, moaning deeply.
Fuck, he’s so hot like this.
There’s something so erotic about being on top, on knowing that you’re going to be riding him when he cums.
Your whole relationship has been about competing for power, and now, in the midst of one of the most vulnerable exchanges of power, Jaehyun had stopped from his position on top to give you the opportunity to be in control.
You like that. You like it a lot.
It shows he hadn’t been lying when he’d talked about the two of you glowing together, and it gives you a newfound kind of hope for whatever relationship is budding between the two of you.
You ride him harder at the thought, and his hands find your hips, helping you bounce.
“Fuck, fuck-” Jaehyun groans, his fingers digging into your skin. “Feels so good.”
In all honesty, the first position had felt better for you, when he was doing all the work, but you’d never admit that to him, especially not while deep in the throes of passion like this. He’d already made you cum, and now, you want to return the favour.
You ignore the burning in your thighs, fucking Jaehyun in a way you’ve never fucked a man before. You can feel the power of it bubbling inside of you, and you focus on his expression, on the pleasure that’s written all over him.
“Jae,” you groan, “want you to cum for me.”
“Don’t-” he swallows thickly. “Don’t you want me to hold out a little longer?”
“It’s our first time, we have flights tomorrow,” you retort. “Just let go, I wanna feel it.”
“You and your scheduling,” Jaehyun laughs, but it quickly turns into a groan, his eyes closing again. “Fuck, okay, but you have to let me make it up to you sometime.”
“Next time we see each other we can spend hours fucking,” you tell him.
“Promise?”
“I promise, now be good and cum for me, yeah?”
Jaehyun shivers again, and there’s a slight look of confusion on his face. You get the sense that he’s not used to being talked down to like this- but it’s clear it turns him on in a new, foreign sort of way.
“Okay, yeah.” Jaehyun anchors himself against the bed, and then he begins fucking up into you, his muscles rippling under his perfect skin. “Shit, fuck-”
You watch the pleasure build in him, until he reaches his peak. The tension clearly snaps, and he lets out a deep groan that goes straight to your core.
You continue to ride him, intent on helping him through it-
Jaehyun grabs you and pulls you down to his chest, holding you still as he shoots his load deep in your pussy. He’s groaning in your ear, hips twitching-
God, you love the way you’re pinned like this, the way he’s cumming so hard he needed you to just stop.
You allow him to finish, and his grip slowly lets up on you. He’s no longer using his strength to keep you still, he’s just holding you, the two of you panting desperately.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” you mumble.
“That day, behind my trailer, the first time I held you,” Jaehyun clears his throat, “could you feel my heart racing the way it is now?”
“I was more focused on my own heart,” you admit.
“Yeah?”
“It was going pretty fast.”
Jaehyun releases a laugh, holding you tighter. “Guess we were both in for it, huh?”
“Guess so.”
Jaehyun holds you a little while longer, and then he sighs. “I should let you get your beauty sleep.”
“Yeah, but you can stay over if you want.”
“Really?”
“Could you imagine how much people would react if the paparazzi got a picture of you leaving my hotel tomorrow morning?”
Another chuckle escapes him. “You and your PR training.”
“You love it,” you insist.
Jaehyun releases a sigh, burying his face closer to your throat. “I do love it.”
You’re from the same world, the same industry, and no one has ever understood you or your job the way Jaehyun does.
Wrapped in his arms, the two of you set to fly to different countries in just a couple of hours, something about him just feels so right.
You’ve spent your whole life trying to be someone else for other people, for your management team, for your fans- but with Jaehyun, maybe you can just be exactly who you are, professional obligations and all.
He’d said it himself, he’d seen your glow from the moment you met, even as awkward kids on a tv show trying to make names for yourself. He’d seen your sparkle before you’d even seen it in yourself, and now, maybe he’s right. Maybe you can learn to glow together.
☀️ mlist + an. thank you for reading! I kind of loved working on this au, I know it's not classical 'he's an actual cowboy' but I really loved working with Jae as this character
🍭 support me by. sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below!
🔮 preview. You’ve been in love before, but it was always different. You were always with men who saw you as a prize. They put you on a pedestal, and it was often one sided with genuine empathy. You were a support in their lives, as opposed to a form of mutual understanding.But Jaehyun understands you, so you can confidently say he’s the sweetest love you’ve had.
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, worship kink, substantial foreplay/prep, fingering, squirting, multiple reader orgasms, overstim, dirty talk, praise, man handling, anal (thumb in the butt), etc… I petnames. (hers) superstar.
👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2.4k I teaser wc. 180
🌙 starring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader
bonus
“Wow,” you breathe, staring out at the crowd as you clutch the Grammy in your hand. “I can honestly say, I never expected this award. To win Best Music Video, I just- I’m in shock. I want to thank my parents, my label, my team of wonderful people, production, styling, Hwasa, who directed the video, and Mark, my manager. I want to thank my fans especially, I wouldn’t be anywhere without you. And, I also want to thank my amazing scene partner, Jaehyun. I know a lot of people were confused about Jae being the Model Cowboy, but he showed up to set, and something just clicked. We made magic with this one, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Thanks again, wow, thanks.”
You’re practically shaking as you make your way off the stage to go rejoin your group of people in the audience. Hwasa and Mark both give you a hug, and Johnny pats you on the back. When you reach Jaehyun, he wraps his arms around you, holding you tight as he presses kisses along your face.
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#jaehyun#jaehyun smut#jeong jaehyun#jung jaehyun#jeong jaehyun smut#jung jaehyun smut#nct#nct smut#nct 127#nct 127 smut#jaehyun nct#nct jaehyun#jaehyun x reader
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Part Three
Warning: If you don't like Taylor Swift, you're not gonna like this chapter that much, homie. But So Long, London is so fitting for this drabble series. (I guess a series since it's longer than a drabble at this point)
Can’t stop thinking about reader just trying to move on
You had to remind yourself several times not to check in with the guys. It had almost become second nature doing something big like this. But going to another country…
Not that they would care. You told yourself. It was for the best that way.
The expo went better than you expected. You didn’t believe that there would be a line out the door of eager readers wanting to read your book, but you got a decent amount. More than a few told you they couldn’t wait to read it. Several asking for photos and asking questions on any future books, a spin-off or even continuing the series.
When one a particular large group of girls your age asked for a group photo, you could have cried. They were had found each other in an online book club. You had given them your book several months ago. All copies signed with a note thanking them for taking the time to read what you had poured your heart into.
You had spent a large chunk of your free time talking to them. Bonding more so as women than over your book.
"Have you listened to Taylor's new album?"
It had only been out for two days and you had been able to avoid it like the plague. You didn't need to even listen to 'So Long, London' to know it would fucking gut you. So you would enjoy your time in the states. Save the listening experience for when you were packing up their stuff.
They had posted and tagged you before continuing on with the rest of the expo. You had reposted the photo to your own social media. Or at least one attached to the pen name you had crafted. You only had twelve thousand instagram followers, but it was something.
The first day was much like the second. You had attended several Q & A sessions with a panel of more experienced authors and managed to go to a few meet and greets. Before you knew it, it was time to pack up shop.
The agent the publishing house had assigned to you had stuck with you for most of the day. You were able to pick her brain a bit about new ideas for possible future plot lines and her thoughts. Overall, the trip was great.
Not only were you able to make great connections and take a lot back home with you to reference, but for a few days you forgot what waited for you back home. Or rather what wasn't waiting for you.
By the time your plane landed back in London you could barely hold yourself up. You left the expo, went straight to the hotel to shower, pack and head to the airport.
Your flight was delayed. Your luggage was taking forever to get onto the belt. It was only seven, but fuck if you weren’t ready to just call it a day. Tomorrow you would have to start again. Opening up the shop. Coming back to an empty flat. Maybe start gathering up the items the boys had left behind.
Should you give them in separate boxes or just one giant one and let them sort it out themselves? It was easy to discern whose sweatshirt and t-shirts belonged to who, but when it got to things like socks and chargers...
Yeah.
They could sort it themselves.
You could drop it off at Kyle's when you knew he would be at the gym. He was good at avoiding you anyway.
It wasn't until you stood in your apartment did it hit you.
You were alone.
For the first time in over a year you couldn't call one of them over to soothe that ache of loneliness.
For the first time in over a year, you had to relearn how to handle just being alone.
You usually showered at night. Washing away the grime of the day before settling into bed. But today was a new chapter. You woke up wanting to start it on a good note. Plus you went straight to bed after getting home so you still had a bit of airport funk on you.
It had been a week. One official since you had sent that text nailing the coffin shut. You had touched base with your friends who didn't bat an eye at you dating four men at once. They liked them, even if Simon scared them. You didn't give them the details of the breakup or the cause. You were pretty private in your problems and if you wanted relationship advice, you would seek an unbiased unopinion.
You had a good group of friends, but the moment you told them that you were well and truly heartbroken, they would insist the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Something you were nowhere near ready for.
So you needed to look like you had your shit together. You put on a dress that was feminine and, most importantly, comfy as fuck. An A-line floral frock paired with a light sweater and some white trainers. You knew a few of your friends would be stopping by for tea so you need to look like you were taking the separation well. Even if you were barely holding it together.
With makeup and perfume on, you started the early morning stroll to your shop.
You loved openings. Starting up the register and selecting the playlist for today. Picking out the essential oil to put in the diffuser even though you mostly stuck with a lavender and vanilla blend during the spring months.
For the morning you stuck with a Taylor Swift Instrumental playlist you had found initially for studying, but you liked the peaceful feeling it brought. Even when it covered the most gut wrenching songs.
You had started to collect the online orders that had accumulated over the last week. Sending out the e-mails alerting to your patrons that their orders were ready for pick up. Luckily you weren't set to receive a delivery until tomorrow.
It was eight and everything was set. Although not many people came to a bookstore at eight in the morning, it really didn't bother you opening up that early considering you were the only employee that was on the payroll. It gave you the possibility of making money, but mostly you spent the morning reading or writing.
You flipped the sign over from CLOSED to OPEN. Ready to start take on the day.
You had turned the kettle on in the back room when your friends had stopped by around lunch. You always said it was just tea, but you always had an array of snacks on standby for you all to munch on.
Meredith was complaining about what a dick the new client at the law firm was being. An absolute slime who had been married to his wife for almost twenty-five years before he decided to fuck his twenty-two year old assistant.
Tabitha didn't want to talk about work. To her, her career in tech was just a paycheck. She did what she needed to do and left when she was done.
You talked about the expo and how your book. Although neither of them really read, they had promised that they would read your book. You didn't hold your breath. They had reposted your posts as well as making ones of their owns in celebration of you. Words of praise about your dedication and hard work.
You realized that even though they couldn't give you the support you needed as readers, they supported you blindly. You could have written absolute garbage, but they would still support you.
You talked about how many people liked your book and wanted pictures and to sign their copies.
Then came the question you had been rehearsing since you had texted them a week ago. They both shared a look before Meredith finally asked.
"How are you holding up?" You gave a half-smile and a shrug. So perfectly rehearsed in your head you were ready to deliver your lies lines.
"I'm fine," you lied. "It was just fading so there isn't much of a difference, I guess." Not necessarily a lie. "We just wanted different things and were on different paths in life." Not a lie. "It's for the best." You weren't sure if that last one was a lie or not just yet.
They both shared a passing look before returning their gazes back to you. "You know you can come to us about this stuff." Tabitha's hand reached across the table, placing a hand on top of yours.
"It wasn't going to work out." You added. "Situations like that don't and I should have known better."
"A situation?" Meredith asked. "When have you ever called it a situation?"
"It always was one."
"I love you enough to call bullshit." She raised her eyebrow at you, crossing her arms over her chest. "You loved them and you need to stop pretending this is easy."
"You're a divorce lawyer, Mere," You reminded. "You see marriages fall apart every day."
"I do. I get to see from across the table how a woman is still willing to take her cheating arse of a husband back. So the fact that you went from on cloud nine with all of them to not even talking about the break up is concerning to say the least."
"Tabitha," you looked at your only ally left. "A little back up would be nice."
"I'm with her on this one." She confirmed. "You loved them. Not that I cared, but if you weren't talking about books or the shop, you were talking about them. What you did, where you went. How they fucked you."
"I think I'll miss that part the most." Mere sighed. "I lived vicariously through you."
"You know you could actually date people." Tabitha suggested.
"I'd rather live with chronic carpal tunnel than a man." You almost choked on your tea. If you were wearing pearls you would have used the comedic relief of clutching them to break the awkwardness of the current topic of conversation.
"That should be put on a t-shirt." You suggested
"I wouldn't mind it on a welcome mat to be honest." Tabitha added.
"But in all seriousness, cut this bullshit." Meredith gave you an sympathetic smile. "We're here. Good, bad and ugly."
You returned her smile. "I know."
You had closed up shop for the evening. Your lunch had gone longer than expected so now you were left doing the dishes and clean up during closing. You were setting the last cup on the drying rack when you heard the front door chime.
Shit.
You must have forgotten to lock the door when you turned the sign.
“I’m sorry!” You apologized, making your way out of the back break area and to the front of the store. “We’re-”
“Closed.” He said, locking the door behind him. “I saw the sign.”
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#angst#angst with a happy ending#john soap mactavish
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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | masterlist!
Dbf! Joel Miller x female reader
"God loves you but not enough to save you,"
summary: In the small town near Austin, Texas, you are trapped in a life of rigid expectations and silent suffering. As the preacher's daughter, you endure the mental and physical abuse of your father while your mother, bound by obedience, offers quiet love. Your longing for a father's warmth finds an unexpected solace in Joel Miller, your father's best friend and neighbor. In Joel's presence, you discover a forbidden sanctuary, where your yearning heart is met with a gentle strength you've never known.
warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, pedophilia, cannibalism, human trafficking, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.
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𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡
❝ to my love, Joel.
,...found you just to tell you that I made it real far, i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did.
while you were torn apart, i would still wait with you there.
don't think about it too hard, honey. or you'll never sleep a wink at night again.
and don't worry about me and these green eyes,
baby, just know that i love you. and i'll see you when you get here.
i love you forever, Joel... ❞
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THE PLAYLIST! (on spotify)👰🏼♀️
the preacher's daughter ▪️ dbf! joel miller
MASTERLIST!🐇
Chapter 1: "But I always knew in the end, no one was coming to save me,"
Chapter 2: "Because that's how my daddy raised me,"
Chapter 3: "I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue"
Chapter 4: "He looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro reds,"
Chapter 5: "Because for the first time since I was a child, I could see a man who wasn't angry,"
Chapter 6: "Let him make a woman out of me,"
Chapter 7: "You wanna fuck me right now?"
Chapter 8: "The fates already fucked me sideways,"
Chapter 9: "Christ, forgive these bones I'm hiding,"
Chapter 10: "and that's why I could never go back home,"
Chapter 11: "I don't care where as long as you're with me,"
Chapter 12: "If it's meant to be, then it will be."
Chapter 13: "Beautiful people, beautiful problems."
Chapter 14: "You put your hands into your head, and then smile cover your hearts."
Chapter 15: "Something's bad is 'bout to happen to me,"
Chapter 16: "Tag, you're it."
Chapter 17: "If he's a serial killer then what's the worst that could happen to a girl who's already hurt?"
Chapter 18: "He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed"
Chapter 19: "Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise,"
Chapter 20: "You poor thing, sweet, mourning lamb. There's nothing you can do."
Chapter 21: "If we die tonight, I'd died yours."
Chapter 22: "I'm always going to be right here, no one's going anywhere"
-THE END-
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read it on wattpad!
the preacher's daughter by babyvenoms
ENJOY! and if you guys have any like visuals to this, or art that you made for this I would love to put it here, just let me know! thank you!! 🩵
#dbf!joel miller x reader#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us#pedro pascal smut#joel miller smut#the last of us hbo#dark!joel miller x reader#dbf!joel miller#joel miller the last of us#ethel cain#lana del rey#southern gothic#joel miller age gap#tommy miller#joel tlou#ellie williams#tlou#tlou hbo#joel miller x you#pedro pascal x you#preacher's daughter
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what it’s like to bring the jjk boys to…have dinner with your family!
ft. fushiguro megumi, fushiguro toji, gojo satoru, geto suguru, ijichi kyotaka, inumaki toge, itadori yuji, kamo choso, kamo noritoshi, mahito, muta kokichi, nanami kento, okkotsu yuta, panda, ryomen sukuna, todo aoi, yaga masamichi, yoshino junpei, zenin naoya
warnings: not all of these are romantic! reader is lowkey desi coded in some of them. reader is mentioned to have a brother, dogs, aunts/uncles, and cousins in some of them. reader slanders like 75% of the characters. honestly the characters might be ooc too i wrote this two years ago for fun and giggles and just found it again and wanted to post. also tw naoya!
FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
Literally perfect
Your parents love him
Your dogs love him
You love him
Was kind of quiet at first but settled in eventually and opened up a bit
Was still kind of reserved but that’s to be expected from him
Your mother found it sweet that he tried to hide behind you when your uncles started interrogating getting to know him
He let your younger cousins play with his shikigami so that your dogs could get a break from being bothered
Really liked the salad your mother made and asked for the recipe
1000/10
FUSHIGURO TOJI
Actually not too bad
Was polite enough and liked the food
Showed your parents pictures of Megumi as a baby
They were suitably impressed
Your cousin asked him where he goes to the gym
He told him he doesn’t believe in gyms (thinks they’re oppressive institutions designed to disadvantage the poor?)
Did give him a discount code for some random protein powder that he’s sponsored by though
Asked your parents to donate to his charity
They were happy to do so and thought it was amazing that he has a charity
You decided not to tell them that his “charity” is literally just his bank account
4/10 for scamming your family
GOJO SATORU
Solid 7/10
Goofs around a lot but he did come so he gets points for that
Your parents hated him at first but then he showed them the album of cute Megumi pictures he has saved on his phone and they switched up
“He’s so responsible for raising a kid so young! And it’s not even his!”
Bullshit
He does NOT raise Megumi and you were the one who sent him half of those pictures
Demoted to a 6/10 just for that but at least your parents like him
Also the fact that he had an album was cute
Somehow managed to keep the dirty jokes to a minimum
Your brother kept making fun of his eyes being so blue so halfway through he had to switch the glasses out for the blindfold
Surprisingly high spice tolerance
GETO SUGURU
Honestly really a fun guy!
Actually brought his own dish to the dinner??
AND IT WAS GOOD????
Your mother wants you two to get married now
Asked if he could take some leftovers back for Mimiko and Nanako
Which was very considerate of him actually
Your mother told him he didn’t have to return the dishes she packed the food in
Let your brother win at Scrabble
Listened to your mother talk about the auntie drama
Apparently he’s going to start putting coconut oil in his hair now
Your parents are going to adopt him and kick you out
9/10 would’ve been higher but he didn’t beat your brother’s ass at Scrabble (he wanted to “make a good impression”)
IJICHI KYOTAKA
Similar to Nanami in that he and your father got along really well
Your brother called him “goofy”
He had to go to the bathroom and cry after that
He did compose himself and came back to eat
Can handle spicy food quite well
Complimented your mother’s cooking
Brought flowers as a thank you for the dinner
Was super sweet and grateful to be invited at all
11/10 would definitely invite him again
INUMAKI TOGE
Everyone was really excited to meet him
Let your cousins play with his hair and do his make up and paint his nails
Was your partner for Charades and you two won by a LOT
Kept sneaking treats to your dogs
Your mother ordered seafood for him because he could only speak in rice ball ingredients and she thought he really wanted salmon
He did eat it though
He would be a 10/10 but he accidentally used his Cursed Speech on your aunt so 8/10
ITADORI YUJI
Somehow lit the grill on fire
Managed to put it out but he did lose his eyebrows in the process unfortunately
Looked stupid without eyebrows
Spent most of his time hanging out with the little kids
Your family actually really liked him though
He’s too sweet to dislike
Helped wash the dishes and did not break any
7/10 because you almost had to call the fire department
KAMO CHOSO
Showed up an hour late
Was friendly but kinda nervous and awkward at first
Loved the food
He and your brother are best friends now
Genuinely he gets along better with your brother than with you
Impressed your father with his history knowledge
3/10 was too perfect and now your parents keep asking why you’re not more like him
KAMO NORITOSHI
He hates kids
Spent the entire first half running away from your cousins
Once he finally escaped he got along great with the adults
They really liked how responsible and mature he is
Thought it was impressive that he’s going to be the clan head
Your aunt told you that he was a keeper and you should “marry for money, hope for love”
Started crying when your mother asked him if she could hang up his jacket for him
It reminded him of his own mother who he was forced to leave as a kid
All of your aunts have unofficially adopted him now due to his tragic backstory
Deserves 10/10 just for being relatively normal
MAHITO
-892378/10 your parents couldn’t see him because he’s a curse
He was very happy to hear that and nearly destroyed your house
You had to call Geto halfway through to chase him off
Your family was thrilled to see Geto again though so at least there’s that??
MUTA KOKICHI
Sent a robot in his place obviously
Everyone wanted to know why you brought a robot to dinner
They thought you had hit a new low
You had to explain that Mechamaru was basically his body because of how weak his actual body was
Nobody believed you
-3/10 he was nice but it was overall a humiliating experience
NANAMI KENTO
Cannot eat anything spicy
Started tearing up at the appetizers alone
Had a massive stomach ache afterwards and his face was red for like twenty minutes
Your father liked talking to him about business and the economy and shit
Did not get scared when asked about his plans for the future
Actually has plans for the future
Your brother is kind of gay for him tbh (??) and threatened to marry him if you don’t
10/10 because he still finished everything on his plate so he didn’t seem rude even though he was lowkey dying
OKKOTSU YUTA
Tried his best
Your dogs tried to leave with him because they liked him so much
He brought gifts from Africa for your entire family
Did stop a toddler from getting kidnapped
Is physically really good at grilling but emotionally cannot handle the stress
Had a mental breakdown when you asked for a vegetable burger
Made the discovery that he really likes corn and proceeded to eat all of the corn you had bought for the night so nobody else got any
Summoned Rika and allowed your cousins to use her as their dress up doll
Rika was very nice and enjoyed the experience
She wants to be a fashion model now
2/10 he burnt your vegetable burger and you were really looking forward to having some corn
PANDA
Is a panda
Your younger cousins thought he was adorable
You got asked multiple times if he was a furry
5/10 he was only invited because he had nothing else to do and you had to chase him with a hose beforehand because he refused to bathe
RYOMEN SUKUNA
-1244129/10
An asshole but what’s new
Told your family to “go back to where you came from”
Degraded your parents
Degraded you
Degraded everyone really
You got into a fight with him and Gojo had to intervene
Did ask for one of your mother’s recipes so he could get Uraume to cook it for him
She did not give it to him
TODO AOI
See you thought this would be hell on earth
But it wasn’t???
Played with your dogs
Carried your cousins around on his shoulders
Your uncles were impressed by his muscles
He saved a kitten that was stuck in a tree
Did not ask a single person about their type in women
Annihilated everyone in Wii Sports Resort
Absolutely sucked at Just Dance though
He thought he was too manly for the wrist strap but then he threw the remote into the TV while playing Wii bowling and it broke
6/10 he said he’d pay for a new one
YAGA MASAMICHI
Literally your boss
Only invited him because you wanted a raise
He liked the food
Exchanged sewing tips with your mother
200/10 you got the raise
YOSHINO JUNPEI
Really cool!
Gave everyone good movie recommendations
Someone gave him a baby to hold and he nearly dropped it
Burnt his hand on the grill
Found your uncles’ shitty jokes funny so they all liked him
He was decent at debating with everyone and having intellectual conversations even though he cried whenever someone disagreed with him too harshly
Your parents were very dismayed to see the cigarette burn scars on his face
Your mother told him he could always come to your house if he needed to
4/10 because he almost gave a baby brain damage
ZENIN NAOYA
Told your parents about your sex life
Called your mother “woman”
Your cousins have a crush on him solely based on his looks
He thinks he has a harem now
0/10 they are all like 13 years old
#megumi x reader#toji x reader#gojo x reader#geto x reader#ijichi x reader#inumaki x reader#itadori x reader#choso x reader#noritoshi x reader#mahito x reader#mechamaru x reader#kokichi x reader#nanami x reader#yuuta x reader#panda x reader#sukuna x reader#todo x reader#yaga x reader#junpei x reader#naoya x reader#tw naoya#reader insert#headcanons#m1ckeyb3rry writes#this is actually so dumb#LMAO#various x reader
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Sally face head cannons
Authors note: If you don’t specify I’m gonna pick for you most of the time it’s gonna be headcanons, they tend to be easier and quicker to write.
TW: Not professional, might have misspellings and improper grammar, I just do this for fun. Nsfw, mentions of drugs, stoner Larry, Larry is 2 years older then Sal, some non accurate writing I haven’t watched or played Sally face in years but remember the general plot. Btw when this wrote Sal is 17-19
SFW
◦ Sal doesn’t have the best relationship with his father.
◦ Sal tends to get misgendered a lot to the point he doesn’t even correct people he couldn’t care less anyways and hates unnecessary confrontation.
◦ Sal keeps his glass eye on his bedside table and one nice he actually drunk out of the cup.
◦ Sal isn’t the best at saving money when it comes to video games. He doesn’t spend his money on much In high school besides games for his game boy and other systems.
◦ Sal loves rock music and listens to music whenever he can, he owns an old stereo along with a walk man and mp3 player. (Keep in mind his teen years are in the 90’s)
◦ Along with his hair Sal also ventured in make up in skincare.
◦ Because half of his face being disfigured he tried his best to at least look normal with make up and help it heal better with skincare.
◦ Sal has the worst split ends and uneven layers because he never actually had his hair cut properly he always has done it himself.
◦ Sal is rather geeky when it comes down to it, owning as much technology as he could by in the 90’s.
◦ Sal is most comfortable showing his face to Larry among anyone else almost like a big brother to him of sorts.
◦ Sal gets rather socially awkward when it comes to people liking him so you would have to be in his friend group to have a chance of a relationship or some established connection before hand.
◦ Once you and Sal become friends as he’s comfortable with you expect things like him painting your nails and rocking out to music
◦ If he does later show romantic interest in you before he shows you his face he will be anxious about what you’ll think about him after he shows you.
◦ He’ll even teach you how to play his guitar if you’re interested.
NSFW
F
◦ Sal Is obviously a virgin it’s hard to get close to him let alone take of his mask so you’ll have to have patience to get to this stage.
◦ For-play could be longer then the actual sex for the first time and he might back out from nervousness before you guys can even start.
◦ Sal is not a shy guy maybe introverted but not shy but moments like this make him extremely vulnerable so he’s flustered and embarrassed.
◦ If you find the courage to kiss him he has his mask on he’s whipped. He would be a flustered and embarrassed mess and he might even tell Larry about how exciting it was. You were probably his first kiss as well.
◦ Sal would be around 5 inches 5.5 hard (let’s be realistic here ain’t nobody taking much past that.) Just enough to reach the back of you’re and make you gag.
◦ Sal even if he’s isn’t pornhub but still likes to prep you, after all sex is a rather sacred thing so he tries his best to treat you with care even with his inexperience.
◦ He would probably be a nervous teenager at the back of Spencer’s trying to find lube (that doesn’t get used) and other things trying not to be seen. Covering up this purchases with a rock album or something of equal value.
◦ Sal is big on after care asking you how it was if it wasn’t obvious, he would be nervous after and still not realizing he actually did that.
◦ Sal isn’t big on giving hickeys but he doesn’t mind being especially on his jawline and neck. When talking to his friends he will just say it a bruise or injury just that’s always been there. But it’s almost obvious that it’s not.
◦ Once you’ve done it once he’s nervous to ask for you to do it again so he does enjoy make out session to keep him down.
◦ Sal didn’t heavily masturbate before hand honestly rarely doing it at all until he had sex once and now that’s all he thinks about ever since.
◦ He loves laying kisses against you when doing it but never hickeys as he’s a bit scared of hurting you.
◦ He holds your hands during sex for comfortability.
◦ His favorite positions would probably be missionary and cowgirl he’s a pretty vanilla switch.
◦ Mostly a service top and a shy bottom, it’s not like he’s generally shy he just gets embarrassed seeing you on top but overtime he gets used to it.
Sorry i accidentally deleted the request!
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#sally face x reader#sal fisher#sal fisher x reader#sally face#sally face headcanons#larry stylinson#larry johnson#larry fanfiction#larry fanart#bakugo katsuki#black clover headcanons#mha bakugou#bnha bakugo katsuki#bakugo x reader#black clover#delicious in dungeon#shino x reader#gojo satoru#asahi azumane smut#mha x black reader#bloomic#aot x black reader#bachira meguru x reader#bachira meguru#bachira x reader#bakugou smut#blooming panic nakedtoaster x reader#blooming panic quest x reader#bloomic x reader#blooming panic xyx x reader
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Can you write some fake dating with lando pretty please🥹
HATE ME - LN4
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listen up : no warnings!! hope you enjoy bc i got stuck on this so bad😘 lando x popstar!reader
word count : 1886
⋆。‧˚⋆
“Y/n!” A reporter yells at me as I walk up the paddock, “Y/n! What are you doing?”
I slow down and laugh a bit, “Looking for my boyfriend!”
“What’s your thoughts with him coming off a win, think he can swing it?” I roll my eyes playfully.
“I certainly think he can! America has been great to him before.” They laugh, knowing I'm not just talking about his win but also myself.
“How about your upcoming album!?” A woman asks, my mood already improving, “Any details you can share?”
I’m about to respond when I feel arms wrap around my waist, “Hi pretty.” He says in my ear but just loud enough to be heard.
I smile and brush my hand against his arm, “Lan!”
He looks up at the reporters, pointing to them, “You lot back off! She’s my good luck charm this weekend!”
We walk away, I glance up to Lando’s face to see him smiling. I can’t help but be surprised for the millionth time, he’s a damn good actor.
The second we get inside, doors shut and nobody around, Lando drops his hands off me. “Hi Pretty.” I mock his accent as he rolls his eyes.
My fake boyfriend strides across the room, grabbing his water bottle. He's in a Mclaren shirt and jeans, his curls perfect and defined.
“You really need to stop swerving my lips when we’re in public.” I plop down on the couch and try to tune him out, it doesn’t work. “People are starting to notice.”
I text my manager back as he complains, “I’ve never shown any PDA with my ex’s. You’re not special, Norris.”
I ignore the way his bicep moves when he pushes off the couch, “Well I have.”
“You don’t think regular couples settle on my side for this? I didn’t think you were thirsting for me that much.”
He scoffs and I know I got him there, “I’m just saying! It’s not normal.”
“Of course you’d think that, all you and your ex’s did was make out in public!” His manager walks in just then before he can respond.
Point, Y/n.
“Will you two keep it down?” He groans, “Just because you argue like an old married couple, doesn’t mean it fits your roles! Lando, it’s media time.”
“Talk about me.” I mumble as he walks out.
“Can I announce our breakup?” He eyes me before shutting the door. I breathe out, just trying to get through this weekend.
⋆。‧˚⋆
P1 in qualifying, great. I act all happy and actually kiss him this time. I don’t agree with the majority of what he says but even my manager told me I need to do a tiny bit more.
Lando and I’s… agreement, is complicated and completely necessary for our careers. I’m rising to fame and he’s falling in the dumps with all his media scares.
After a mini scandal broke about me, Lando and I met. We were drunk and totally out of depth. He told the paparazzi outside the bar that we were dating and I had kissed him like I believed it.
Everything went up in flames but through the fire our teams decided to come up with this whole fake dating thing. I make him look good, the unproblematic, pretty, popstar. He added an edge to me and brought quite a few new fans.
But most of all, after his lie to the public was splashed over every media surface, the picture of my lips against his, I couldn’t just back out. He would have looked like a player (because he was one) and I would have been labeled a slut.
So now i’m at the paddock every weekend, planning my own shows and sporting him in the crowd. My fans eat it up though, he’s hot, rich and british.
Lando doesn’t listen to his brain before his mouth opens and once when someone asked what he thought about my performance he replied with, “She’s insane and beautiful and way too talented to be my girlfriend.” That sealed it for everyone.
He kisses my cheek, winking. He’s not all bad, even though I can’t really stand him it’s not like he’s disrespectful or rude to me.
Lando gets pulled away for media and I find myself watching his interview with Alexandra, Charles’ girlfriend. We’re not watching our ‘boyfriends’ at all, gossiping about the celebrities that are coming this weekend.
⋆。˚⋆
LANDOS POV
The reporter is saying things but I’m distracted. My eyes keep wandering past the man in front of me and going to my ‘girlfriend’.
She’s talking to Alex, flipping his hair over her shoulder and grinning. She never smiles like that with me.
I answer another question but it’s half assed and I don’t really care. I watch her jaw move as she talks, how she jumps up and down when she’s talking about something she loves, she crosses her ankles and pinches the bridge of her nose.
I’m suddenly feeling very left out of the conversation and don’t realize the reporter is repeating my name, “Lando?” I rip my eyes away from her a he looks to what I was looking at.
He’s smiling when he turns back to me, “Distracted… Sorry.” I scratch the back of my back, looking down and smiling as the man laughs.
⋆。‧˚⋆
Y/NS POV
What is he playing at? I’ve been tagged in a million clips of Lando’s interview. The way he looked at me- fuck! He’s so confusing I hate him.
This weekend has felt forever long and it’s not even over. Lando and I go to a little house party, weird for the day before a race but none of the guys seem bothered by it.
In fact, everyone’s having fun. It’s like watching impending doom, knowing they’re all about to mess with each other on the track.
Lando obviously isn’t drinking and since he’s driving, I down a glass with Alex and Lily as soon as I step in the door.
Someone has rented an airbnb and it’s gorgeous. Not too big, but a nice fire in the back and a huge living room.
“I’m gonna go talk to Carlos.” Lando’s hand drifts off me as he walks away. I barely even realized his touch, I'm getting too comfortable with it.
“Girl!” Rebecca, Carlos’ girlfriend, says to me, “I’ve never seen Lando this in love!” The only people who know Lando and I aren’t actually together is Alex, Lily, Alexandra, possibly Charles, Oscar, and Carlos.
Lily and Alex sip their drinks beside me as I blink, pausing for too long. I laugh and smile, “You’re sweet.”
“I’m serious!” She continues, “Those eyes, it’s unmistakable!” Something about it makes me sad. Because Lando doesn’t actually like me at all? Or because whenever I get a glimpse of that look, it’s always in public?
Lily changes the subject with remarkable speed, Alex hands me another drink and I sigh a thank you.
The night goes on, it’s slow and nice to have a simple sort of get together instead of how Lando likes to party.
Speaking of, my fake boyfriend dances up to me as I laugh out of embarrassment, he takes my hand and pulls me outside. I look back to Alexandra who just shrugs and watches me leave.
I smile at Lily who’s sitting on Alex’s lap. I sit next to Lando around the fire, I'm getting tired and a bit tipsy. I rest my head on his shoulder as everyone talks.
I can’t think about why he brought me over here. It’s not like I’m contributing to the conversation in a big way.
“What!? Lily was my idol before I got into F1!” I agree with her, she claims I didn’t like her but I was following her for months!
“You were so intimidating!” She shakes her head.
“You are intimidating.” Lando speaks up as I eye him. Lily’s eyes flicks down to my hand then my face then back to my hand.
I give her a confused look before glancing at my hand, Lando’s fingers are stretched over it, spinning my own ring around my middle finger.
I avoid Lily’s eyes as I look up at Lando, “Excuse me?”
“You are!” he argues, “The first time we met I was scared shitless.” I shake my head and finish my drink, my body warm and buzzing.
Charles and Carlos both laugh as Carlos speaks, “Fuck I remember that! At that club? He had like five shots to hype himself up.”
The firelight shines on Lando’s face as his cheeks go pink, “Worked a bit too well.” I find a small smile on my face. I never knew that.
People slowly start leaving, Alex and Lily leave us outside to help cleanup. His hand leaves mine, I rest my arms under my head, leaning on his chair as he looks down at me.
“Saw you talking to Franco…” He slyly mentions.
“What now, Norris, you jealous?” His jaw ticks.
“Just saying it’s not a good look for my girlfriend to be flirting with someone on the grid. Or anyone at all.”
“Sounds pretty jealous to me!” I hum as he shakes his head, “Gonna win tomorrow?” I ask.
“Maybe.” He shrugs.
“For me?” I am definitely not in my head correctly.
He bites back a smirk, keeping eye contact, “What do I get if I win?”
He's teasing me and I like it far too much, “What do you want?”
I almost miss it. I would have if I didn’t keep eye contact. But something appears on Lando’s face… something familiar and that I thought was fake.
That fucking look.
Except now we’re away from everybody else, I’m the only one who can see his face and it makes me feel sick. He’s got a soft smile on, brushing my hair out of my face, his touch burning me.
I sit up straight, “I hate you.”
“No you don’t.” He smirks, clearly amused.
“You hate me!” I’m confused and angry and that damn smile isn’t helping.
He gives an airy laugh before his smile dims, his tongue running over his teeth before his eyes flick back up to mine, “No I don’t.”
I frown, “You’re supposed to!”
He shakes his head, “Why would I hate you?”
I groan, putting my face in my hands, “Because you’re in this mess because of me! I wrote a song about you.” I see his blink, the pause in his emotion as if he’s trying to figure me out. “And i’m angry! Because I didn’t want this and I didn’t want you!” I vent, “So you can’t like me now because I’ll feel bad!”
He blinks, once, twice, “Okay. I hate you.” He says it with zero emotion.
“For as good an actor as you are… that didn’t sound very convincing.” I pout and he laughs.
“I’m not a good actor, love.” I suddenly feel sobered.
“Hate me, Lando. That would make this a lot easier.” I’m mad at him. I can’t do this with him looking at me like that.
He tilts his head a bit, his jaw moving, a curl perfectly in his face. He says it with ease and a newfound softness in his voice, “How could I ever hate you?”
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#lando x reader#lando imagine
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I remember seeing you say a little while ago you would take holiday requests so if this sparks some inspo for you…. How about best friend!Steve being reader’s secret Santa and giving a gift that is so sweet and personal and kind of a confession of his feelings (like Jim’s gift for Pam in the office)
Thank you for requesting!
best friend!Steve Harrington x fem!reader ♡ 984 words
Steve’s afraid his wrapping is a dead giveaway.
He tried his best, but gift wrapping is a new skill for him. There’s an overabundance of tape and plastic bows covering up a hasty patch job. Nancy laughed when he gave it to her to put under the tree for the secret Santa exchange. She called him sweet for trying with a weird look in her eyes and a little smile.
You and Steve are sitting together as always. Sometimes he wonders if it’s more habit at this point than anything else. You walk into a room and you just go to him, unthinking, like a magnet. Steve does the same thing, but, well. He knows why he does it.
So far, Eddie’s gotten a large pack of socks without holes in them, Robin’s gotten a Bangles album, and Steve has gotten a t-shirt with the words Big Dick printed on it that he’s sure Eddie—it had to have been Eddie—thinks he won’t wear, and so he will wear solely to Corroded Coffin shows, out of spite. When it’s your turn, you find Steve’s gift with your name under the tree and your eyes move between your friends suspiciously. He’s not sure whether to be relieved that you don’t immediately guess it’s from him.
It’s painful to watch how carefully you unwrap it. You peel back layer after layer of tape, unfolding without ripping, the paper crinkling gently.
“Come on!” Eddie jokes. “That’s not the spirit of Christmas. You’re supposed to tear it up.”
“No!” you laugh. “Someone put a lot of effort into this. Look at all the bows!”
“Look at all the tape,” Robin mutters. She’s got Steve dialed, for sure.
The box underneath the wrapping is plain cardboard, found in Steve’s basement. Your lips part as you open it.
“Oh, my god.” You lift a large ceramic mug from the box. “This is—it’s my mug. Steve?”
Steve fights a smile as you look at him, eyes wide and happy. “Can we say?”
Robin makes a derisive noise. “Like she doesn’t already know.”
“Steve,” you say again, stretched out and sweet like taffy. Your face softens as you reach around him for a hug. “This is so cool. Where’d you get this?”
“Well, they didn’t only make one,” he jokes. He’s working hard to contain the full scope of his smile. God knows Eddie would never let him hear the end of it if he saw. “I found a lookalike.”
Behind you, Robin makes a face, widening her eyes at her girlfriend dramatically. Steve is sure Nancy’s heard all about how Robin was dragged from thrift store to thrift store, town to town, one long Saturday until they found the right mug. He’s glad when she doesn’t launch into her tale of complaint again now.
“Harrington got you your own mug?” Eddie asks, perplexed. “Did he, like, steal it from you and give it back?”
“No,” you laugh. “No, it’s…” You turn, your eyes meeting Steve’s.
The mug is from a coffee shop you and Steve used to go to. You went together for years, starting back in school when you wanted a place to study and Steve was willing to pay three bucks for a cup of coffee to talk at you while you worked. It had become your regular spot. You had a couch you always sat on, and the baristas recognized you, so eventually there was a mug your drink order always came in, too. It was wide and green, curved with a thick lip. Plain enough, Steve thought, but you loved it. Maybe it was more that you loved having a regular drink order at a place that felt like yours, but for some reason the mug was special to you. The coffee shop closed down last summer. Steve couldn’t get you your couch (he thought about it, but it wasn’t sure where you’d put it and it seemed like a bit much), so he got your mug.
“It’s from this place we used to go,” you say to Eddie. Your thumb brushes across the smooth ceramic, still looking at Steve. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs, leaning back against Nancy’s couch and trying not to look too obviously pleased with himself. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
Robin makes a half-suppressed guffawing sound. Steve sends her a look to tell her to zip it.
⋆⁺₊𖠰₊⁺⋆
You lean into Steve’s side, and Nancy watches his face turn into something so tender she almost wants to grab her friend’s heart and keep it safe for him. But she thinks it’s safe with you.
Anyway, there’s no saving Steve now. He’s been looking at you that way for years, practically since he’s known you. It’s only that now you might be starting to see it.
You’re speaking to him quietly, holding your new mug between your hands like it’s the most precious thing you own. Your legs are nearly in Steve’s lap. He says something back to you, and you smile, bright and beatific. Your eyes stay glued to him like he's the center of your world.
“Still can’t believe it took a whole Saturday to find a green mug,” Robin mutters, too low for anyone else to hear. She’s stolen Steve’s Big Dick shirt and put it on over her long sleeve, the large fit comical (and adorable, if you ask Nancy) as she tucks one of her knees up under it.
“I don’t know,” Nancy says, leaning sideways so their shoulders rest together. “I think it’s sweet. It obviously means something to her. Don’t you think that’s sort of worth it?”
Robin makes a soft sound in the back of her throat, but she softens when Nancy turns her eyes up to hers. “I guess so,” she sighs.
On the other side of the couch, you erupt in laughter at something Steve’s said. He lights brighter than the Christmas tree.
#steve harrington#best friend!steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington x self insert#steve harrington fandom#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington friends to lovers#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington scenario#steve harrington drabble#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington oneshot#steve harrington one shot#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fanfic#stranger things fic#stranger things fandom#stranger things x reader
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you and me / aaron hotchner
word count: 1.9k
pairing: aaron hotchner x singer!reader , aaron hotchner x f!reader
genre: fluff, a little angst
cw: a lot of conversation, i went a little crazy i just love interviews like zane lowe’s!!! and soft aaron
a/n: this photo just makes me think of aaron waiting backstage for popstar!reader / singer!reader
and requests are open!! would love to know what you guys want to read ◡̈
You requested that the set-up of the interview be comfortable. You knew you’d be talking about your albums which are notoriously packed with stories and emotions, personal and imagined. Now what is more comfortable than your own home?
When you were designing your home, you knew from the start you wanted a conversation pit. You’ve always dreamed of a house that screamed cozy and comfortable, warm and inviting. Even if it cost millions to make, you had no regrets.
But aside from the occasional family dinners, your sunken living room was only ever used when Aaron and Jack sleep over, and you had a movie marathon night. You'd throw in duvets and pillows on the pit and bunch together whether it was cold or not.
So you thought this interview is perfect to justify your design choice. To use the conversation pit for actual conversation. Which brings you to now, sat across your good friend and favorite interviewer Zane Lowe, your previous and latest album being the topic of conversation.
“Your previous album was– you know, I mean, it was–” Zane appears to struggle for a word to encapsulate one of the lowest points in your life. Fractured was definitely an emotional album to make and an even sadder one to listen to.
“Depressing?” you jokingly say. Talking has always been so easy with Zane. He just has this air to him that lets you know he truly just wants to know you. You sit on the couch sideways, facing Zane. Leaning on the back rest with your elbow, head resting on your hand while your other hand fidgets with the tassels on the pillow.
He laughs, “Well, you were definitely at a low point in your life romantically.” fiddling with his chin, thinking of his next words, “You just– I think you perfectly captured in your songs that sort of loss and tangible grief that comes with letting go of a person- not because there weren’t any love anymore but more because love just wasn’t enough to keep it going.”
Remembering what had happened– the air felt thinner. Like it was getting harder to breathe. You had to remember that that point of your life was over. You felt such real pain that time, so much so that you struggled to function in your daily life. That void. That ringing emptiness.
You’re brought back to reality by Zane’s voice, “Could you touch on how that came about?”
You breathe out a small sigh and with a gentle smile you recall, “Yeah, uhm.. I was in this relationship.. which in hindsight, I’m so lucky to have been in. It taught me so much and truly made me so much more mindful I guess. I mean like, smarter? More conscious definitely of what goes into making a relationship work, and what makes it strong.”
“But like you said, it ended because as much as we both wanted it to work, as much as we loved each other, it just wasn’t happening. And it was a vicious cycle that was tiring us out. We just knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that.” You pause for a bit, reflecting.
Flashes of you and Aaron driving home in silence after a dinner at Rossi’s play in your head. You didn’t talk the whole night. Not when you were dressing up. Not in the car ride on the way there. Not when you sat down together. And definitely not when each of you were across the room, busy in separate conversations ignoring the glaringly obvious.
Looking down at the decorative pillow in your lap, you start, “And I think that in my experience, that’s a lot more painful. I think that break-ups that happen when one hurts the other is somehow better because you get to hold on to I deserve better or like– there’s just thing like anger that drives you to move on.”
You’re taken back to that night. Coming home and feeling the weight of it fall on both your shoulders. You sat for hours in silence, holding each other. Knowing that when the sun rises, he’ll go to work, you’ll go on tour, and your little world will be put to rest.
“But having that overflowing love for a person who is just not meant for you– I mean how do you tell yourself to let go? How can you even try to convince yourself ? Because people say so often that as long as you love someone there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them and that’s true. I’ve been there, and even everything wasn’t enough. And that was something we really struggled with.”
“Just admitting that we had to love each other from afar before we turned into strangers together.”
It just didn’t make sense. The love you had for each other was real. It was deep and true, and neither of you had any doubt of what you meant to each other. There was no question of loyalty or trust.
But the traveling, the conflict in schedules, the missed calls and messages left on read. You just became both so busy, you were worlds apart. It even reached the point that you haven’t talked for days and neither of you noticed. Or minded. You thought of each other, yeah. But there wasn’t that urge to reach out anymore. There was just… longing.
–
“Which brings us to now. Your latest album Leftover Love– it’s a lot more hopeful isn’t it? I mean I’d even go as far as saying that it’s about falling in love all over again.” Zane sips on the tea you made him. Leaning over the makeshift coffee table to add more milk in there.
You straighten a little. Mood instantly lifting at the mention of your favorite album to date. Images of the inspiration behind the album filling your head.
Zane puts down his tea to gesture generously, “And hearing it live, you could just feel it in the crowd– this kind of electricity. And because there’s no other way to put it– your songs in this album feel a lot like jumping and dancing with a partner in a room full of people and everything is just in slow motion. It’s like this sort of alignment or clicking into place, finding that one person that makes those small moments feel so.. big.”
He put it perfectly into words. You had really hoped to relay through your songs the recent turn of events in your life. People who have supported you and loved you when you were at low points in your life got you through that, and you felt so strongly that they deserved to know and feel even a fraction of the happiness that you’re feeling right now through your new songs.
“Definitely, I mean I’m so proud to say that these songs, even if they’re a touch fictional or exaggerated or romanticized– they are based on truths, on real things that have happened or are happening in my life.” You’re getting excited. Pulling the sleeves of your sweater to cover your hands until only your fingertips are visible– you place both hands down on the pillow as if bracing yourself for the climax of a rollercoaster ride.
“The song Blindly for example, it’s about that feeling or like moment of realization that you’re just so crazy in love you’d follow this person anywhere blindly. I love that the sound’s so grunge-y and messy– insane. Because that’s literally how it feels to be in that whirlwind.”
Zane picks up on your excitement, nodding at your explanation. He relaxes more into his seat and gestures to you, “It’s a good thing you mentioned that because I actually wanted to ask you why that song slows down at the end. I think that was such a unique and beautiful thing to do to the song and it works so well. But I just want to know what made you do that–” You’re biting your lip smiling, so proud that it was recognized as a conscious choice as a musician and artist.
Zane continues, “It goes from crazy drums and guitar, and the bass– then slows down into this almost hypnotic music box sound that transitions by the end into just this beat like a pulse.”
Your smile grows bigger which Zane mirrors, “I’m so happy you picked up on that. I have to say that’s actually one of the songs I’m most proud of because it’s one of the first songs that I was heavily involved in the engineering of the sound.”
“But yeah I guess ultimately I just wanted it to mimic that transition from being in crazy love, tornado-esque to it literally settling into this beautifully calm and serene kind of love.”
Zane listens intently, nodding and humming in agreement and knowing. Finally understanding the point of view from which the sound was created. He has this gentle smile on his face, almost of encouragement knowing you had more to say,
“Like you go from all these dates and the honeymoon phase, and your heart’s just beating crazy fast all the time and then it turns into that steady murmur of your fridge in the null of the night when you’re baking muffins together in silence.”
You take a deep breath, chewing on the inside of your lip. Hopelessly trying to minimize the smile fighting its way on your face, “It’s just that process of someone becoming your home.”
-
You're ushering out the last of the production people. Walking alongside Zane who’s the last to step out your front door, you give him a big hug which he returns warmly.
“I’m so happy you’re happy,” he murmurs into your ear.
You bury your face into his shoulder and breathe out a laugh, “Thank you.. Really.”
You separate and smile at each other. Waving goodbye as he walks backwards to his car. You stand by your front door until they pull out of your driveway.
Once you see that your driveway is empty, you turn to your door and see him leaning against the doorframe with a smug, knowing smirk.
Rolling your eyes playfully as you pass by him into your home, he chuckles. You hear his footsteps behind you and you know he’s following you around while you tidy up the dishes you and Zane used, “Aaron, take out the trash please.”
This man just listened to you talk about him for hours. With headphones and a monitor set up in the other room– Aaron just got his ego inflated to a size so immeasurable he can’t hide his smile from the strangers beside him controlling lights and volumes. He has got to be humbled.
“Oh so I’m back to Aaron now?” He catches up to you, halting your movements from behind as he takes hold of your arms so you can put down whatever was in them. Then he turns you around by your shoulders so you’re facing him, grinning that smile that makes you go Fuck and then blank in your head.
“And here I was thinking I was home.” Aaron pulls you close, sliding an arm around your waist only to settle on your back as the other holds your hand against his chest, in between you. He starts swaying you both slowly as he buries his nose into the side of your head, humming a familiar tune.
Kiss me once, then kiss me twice
Then kiss me once again
It's been a long, long time
Haven't felt like this, my dear
Since I can't remember when
It's been a long, long time
You'll never know how many dreams
I've dreamed about you
While he was listening to you go on about how you loved him all throughout your rocky start and even more well into the present– he became overwhelmed with the realization that for once in his life, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that he is loved. Truly, deeply, and steadily loved. And that filled him with something that nothing and no one could ever define or measure.
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch hotchner#hotchner#criminal minds#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x reader fluff#aaron hotchner x reader angst#aaron hotchner x you#hotch x reader#hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner angst#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner fanfiction
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A headcanon with them meeting their child from the future with hsr men
Character: phainon, mydei, anaxa, dan heng, jing yuan, blade, sunday and caelus
Fem reader
Something like the hsr men meet their kid from the future and the kid say that they're his kid from the future. At first the hsr man don't believe that, but then the kid show the family album photo that make the hsr man believe the kid. The male hsr can already know reader or haven't know reader yet. Maybe after that they meet reader and try to court her 👀
Hi, thank you for the request so much! It was really fun to write (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ
Just fluff, confused hsr men, time travel and kids that try to convince their dads that they really are their kids from the future!
Characters included: Phynon, Mydei, Anaxa, Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, Blade, Sunday and Caelus.
Anaxa may and probably will be ooc, since he's not even out yet and the content we currently have of him is mainly leaks. His part is also exceptionally short. Either way, I hope you guys like it!
Love always, Cupid♡
Phainon
He met your future child inside a prophecy, as weird as it sounds. Usually, it was just whispers of Titans, words of maidens, the prophecies rarely ever appeared in a form of hallucinations, but this one did.
He listened intently, trying to catch what the prophecy wanted him to know, but when he opened his eyes, there was no one around besides a small child tugging at his sleeve.
“Dad” he called him. Phainon was surprised, to say the least. From what he understood from the strange story he heard, he would later on get with you, and this little one was supposed to be his future kid.
“Is this even a prophecy, or am I just dreaming?” He asked himself. He would enjoy a future like that, a future with you, but you had already turned him down once. Was he just projecting his unfulfilled desires, had the said “prophecy” read his mind and just gave him the answer he most wanted to hear?
He didn't believe it, he wanted to, but he didn't. The child looked up at him, confused, and then gave him a photograph that looked just a tad bit too real. He jolted awake suddenly, thinking that it was just as he suspected, a dream. But when he looked at what he had in his hand, his whole perception of what just happened changed.
It was the same exact photo the little one gave him. There was no way it was a dream, then, for the things you see in dreams can't just materialize in the real world. He believed now.
It was probably naive to believe that ridiculous story, no one in their right mind would do so, but Phynon couldn't help himself. It felt real, and he hoped it was real.
Little did he know, you were trying to think of a way to apologize to him for turning him down before, because you did feel the same way he did. The time of his confession just happened to be unfortunate, which resulted in you loosing your cool and shutting him down immediately, which later on made you regret your choice of words.
Fate is such a curious thing, isn't it? when two people are destined to be together, they will. No matter what challenges they may face along the way. And so, the “prophecy” did end up being true.
Mydei
Mydei met your child from the future back when he was still a Crown Prince of Kastrum Kremnos. He was on his way to the training arena when he heard weird noises coming from the nearby corridor. There were a lot of stupid people trying to play smart thieves around here lately, so he went to check it out just in case.
To his surprise, the presumed “thief” turned out to be just a young boy, not above the age of 13. He was scavenging through a bunch of crap laying loosely on the floor, a worried look plastered on his face.
“What are you doing?” Mydei asked, still contemplating whether to help him or throw him out of the castle, for he was definitely not supposed to be there. Mydeis’ face when he heard the boy call him “dad” followed by an unbelievable story about time travel and his non-existing family was priceless. A mix of emotion washed over him, most of which were negative ones. Who in their right mind comes up with bullshit like that?
He ended up ordering the guards to escort the boy outside, he wouldn't be able to stand another word from him. Although the boy has been escorted already, a weird feeling that Mydei wasn't exactly able to explain lingered somewhere inside of him. He noticed an envelope on the floor right when he was about to head to the training ground and forget all about this insignificant event. This must've been what the boy was searching for. He picked it up and the first thing he noticed was that it was meant for him all along. Not thinking much, he opened it. Inside there was a photo that looked like it had been taken in Okhema, the Holy city.
What really threw him off was the fact that it was him in the frame together with two people whom he didn’t know. One, he recognised as the young boy that caused him unnecessary trouble earlier on, but the other one was a woman whom he had never met.
It's been years until he finally found you. What's ironic is that he wasn't even searching for you. When he saw the photo, he decided it'd be best to just throw it out, but in the end, he never did. He kept it close to him at all times. He wasn't sure why himself. As soon as he noticed you among the crowd, giving your supplies of medicine out to those who clearly needed it, it suddenly dawned on him.
You were the woman from the photograph. He stared, and stared, and kept staring, untill you finally noticed him. You smiled at him softly, the sun illuminating your hair in a way that made them seem to glow. A flower crown adorned your head, making you look akin to an angel. You walked over to him, waving your hand in a friendly manner. It never happened to him before. People in Okhema were hesitant to talk to him, they probably thought him scary. But not you. No, not you.
When you were in hand's reach away from him, you stopped. You picked a flower out of the many on your head and tangled it in his hair. It was a beautiful white camellia that matched him perfectly. “Thank you, hero.” You said, and then walked away. Later on, Mydei found himself seeking you out on various occasions, making up a multitude of excuses just to be able to spend time with you.
Anaxa
Well, what can I say? Anaxa is a certified non-beliver. If he defies even the gods, he has no problem telling a kid that his story is bullshit and that he probably should focus on helping his parents with whatever they do. No regards for the child's feelings.
He does so repeatedly, but the little boy doesn't seem to be giving up anytime soon. They both stand their ground, using solid arguments to try and convince the other one that they are right. Unsurprisingly, it leads to nowhere.
The kid decides to prove his point by sharing a family photo with Anaxa, who doesn't even want to look at it at first, but after some time he gets irritated by the child's persistence and says that he will take a look at it.
And so, he does. It feels weird, because after further examining the photo he came to the conclusion that it is, in fact, real. He won't ever admit it, but something inside him stirred, and he may have believed that absurd story presented to him. A little bit, at least.
You looked really happy on the photograph, and so did he. It would really be a pity if it all was just a lie, a joke made by a bored kid. Luckily, it wasn't.
Dan Heng
Dan Heng was never the one to believe in fairy tales. He based his opinion solely on facts, so when a random kid suddenly appeared in front of him, trying to convince him that she's his “future daughter”. He genuinely contemplated calling a psychiatrist for her. He'd even pay for the services if he had to. That being said, he doesn't know what compelled him to doing a throughout research on you.
You, who seemed eerily familiar when he saw you on a photograph he received from the child right before she ran off. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he was sure he had seen you somewhere before.
He fell into a spiral. He spent almost every minute he could searching for you. For signs of you, however small, whether it be in his memory or on the internet, but nothing ever came up.
He was loosing his mind every time he looked at that photo. It was a picture of you, him, and the strange kid that gave it to him. You were holding the camera, he was standing behind you on a beach, his back turned to you. The girl from before was holding tightly onto his sleeve. She seemed younger than when she suddenly appeared in front of him that unusual day.
Just when he was about to give up, when he almost convinced himself that it was all just an unfunny joke played on him by a bored-to-death kid, he saw you.
He saw you when he was buying some snacks with March 7th and the trailblazer in Aurum Alley. The place was very crowded that day, he left his companions and ran after you before he could loose sight of you in the mass of people.
He grabbed your shoulder, you turned around, your eyes met, and suddenly, something clicked. He remembers now, and judging by the look on your face, you do, too.
Memories of his past incarnation cloud his mind. “Those are not my memories” he reminds himself. He let's go of your shoulder, he wants to leave, but before he can do so, you pull him close into a tight hug. He was hesitant at first, but when you rested your head on his shoulder, he reciprocated the embrace.
You knew he wasn't the same person now, what you knew is that if he would give you a chance, you'd fall in love with him all over again. More even than with his past self, and he seemed to be aware of that, too.
Jing Yuan
He was as calm as ever, even though for the past couple of minutes he was listening to a kid around the age of 10 excitedly explaining to him how he’s his future son. Truthfully, he didn't believe a single word that kid said, yet he still decided to entertain him. He was paying attention to every word the child said, asking different questions and letting out dramatic gasps from time to time.
It was until the kid mentioned your name. How was it that he knew you? Why did he suddenly bring you up, of all people? Jing Yuan didn't spare a second to ask the question he had on mind. “How do you know her?” The kid stopped his storytelling and looked at him, bewildered. “huh? Didn't I just tell you? Are you even listening to me?”
Jing Yuan's voice was still his usual, sleepy one, but underneath it, there was a hint of curiosity. “Sure i am. I'm just wondering, what does she look like?” The previous moment of hesitation that could be seen on his face for just a brief moment was now gone completly. He decides to play it cool, as he always did.
“Stop playing dumb!” The child retorted, a bit irritated by now. He managed to come to the conclusion that Jong Yuan doesn't believe him at all, and he wasn't wrong. “You don't believe me, do you?” The kid tilted his head to the side, waiting for a response even tho he knew the answer already.
Jing Yuan sighed in defeat. He got caught red-handed and lost a battle against that youngster. “I suppose I don't. Not entirely.” A second later, he already had a whole photo album laying in front of him. He raised a brow at the boy next to him. “Just look through it. Maybe it'll convince you.”
And so, he did. Not only did he look through it, no. He deeply analyzed every single photo that the album contained. He spent hours that he should be spending on work looking at the pictures. He was lucky enough that he convinced the kid to let him keep the album. None of the shots seemed fake, and some of them even had a signature. Your signature. He would be able to recognize your hand writing anywhere.
Later that day, he visited the alchemy commission where you were supposed to be resting after receiving a fatal injury. He was embarrassed, because the whole time you've been recovering he had never visited you once. He never missed a chance to ask people from the commission about the state of your well being, bit that was it. He wasn't sure himself why didn't he visit you, not even once. Maybe it was because he was scared, because he knew that everything that happened to you was entirely his fault.
His previous confidence faltered, but he wasn't about to back out now. He entered the room where you slept and placed a single peony on a nightstand besides your bed. He didn't wake you up, you will know he was there once you do, and that's enough.
Blade
Him being a stellaron hunter usually means that he has no contact with kids whatsoever, so when a sassy teen pops up randomly right before his mission, he doesn't know what to do. He tried to ignore her, but she's too stubborn to back down. After some persuasion, he finally gives in. He doesn't even say anything to her, just listens to her peculiar story. Besides the fact that the whole situation is rather unusual, everything seems normal, she goes on to explain time travel to him, but when your name slips off her tongue right next to the word “mom” he stops in his tracks.
He wasn't even paying attention to her meaningless monologue, but that didn't fail to reach his ears. His expression turns from an unpleasant one to something borderline threatening.
When she calls him “dad” he freezes once again. For a moment, he thought that she was your long lost daughter or something like that, deliberately ignoring the rest of the unbelievable story she bragged about just moments ago. He clenched the handle of his sword, but she just looked at him mockingly.
“I can prove it. I have a photo.” She said. “A photo… why would that convince me? Get lost.” He answered, but she handed him the photo anyway. She must've come to the conclusion that this is all pointless, because soon enough she disappeared from his sight. He didn't even notice it. He was too focused on the picture. It was real, he could tell, and that was what threw him off the most.
He quickly crumpled it in his palm to hide it when he felt your hands on both his shoulders. You were always unnecessarily clingy, even more with him than with other stellaron hunters. He thought you peculiar, your reason for joining was even weirder than your personality, because you literally didn't have a reason, or just didn't want to reveal it. When someone asked you why did you join the stellaron hunters, your answer was always short. “Fun.” He suspected your reason was entirely different in reality.
He never pried about it, though. He pretended it didn't interest him at all, even though deep down he was intrigued by your person. Maybe he did believe that kid, even if he didn't want to admit it.
Sunday
A little while before the Charmony Festival announcement something strange happened to him. He met someone, a child, that claimed to be his future future kid.
It was rather a peculiar encounter. Let's be fair - he doesn't know how to talk to kids. He's way too formal at all times, so the communication between the two went miserably.
Either way, he agreed to entertain the kid and listen to his made up story, or what he thought was a made up story. It had no logic to it, just a wild imagination of a young person, so there was no reason for him to think about it more than necessary, yet he found himself intrigued by it somewhat.
The conversation was cut short when the child looked at a clock and decided that it's time to go already. Before running off, he gave Sunday a single photo.
A weird feeling rose up in his chest once he looked at what it was. It was him in the frame. Him and a few other people, whom he recognised as the famous crew of the astral express. There was also the kid from before standing between him and a woman who he claimed was his mother.
Sunday didn't want to believe it. Why would he, of all people, ever join the Astral Express? He was content where he was, here on Penacony. It seemed ridiculous at the time.
Everything changed after the Charmony festival, when he got detained by the IPC and later on managed to strike a deal with Jade. Ironic as it is, he found himself asking the astral express crew whether he could board the express with them, at least for a little while.
At first, of course, they were skeptical towards that idea. He couldn't blame them, really. The one who seemed to have the biggest issue with him was you. He must admit, you've made some good points during the debate, if not for Welt advocating for him, you'd probably just kick him out the moment he first stepped foot on the express.
The conversation went on for a long time, with Sunday just standing to the side, waiting for the decision to be made. In the end you agreed, just like the rest of the crew, but the looked you gave him right after it was announced revealed that you weren't exactly happy about it.
He remembered his bizarre meeting with the kid, and the photo that he got, and the fact that supposedly, you and him were the parents. He still didn't believe in all of that, mostly because of your attitude towards him. The worst part was that the way you acted was justified. You seemed to hate him with a burning passion. But nothing lasts forever, and that, too, changed over time.
You started being more open to conversations with Sunday, you let yourself forget about all the unpleasant situations he managed to put the crew into back on Penacony. After some time, you got used to his presence. He would even argue that you kinda liked him, even though you wouldn't admit it.
As time passed, it only made you two closer, and he realised that the kid might’ve been right all along.
Caelus
at first, when the kid came up to him, claiming to be his child from the future, he burst out laughing. Like, really loud and hard, to the point his eyes started watering. It took him good fifteen minutes to calm down. He thought it hilarious.
After he finally cooled off, and your child kept explaining about them, you, and the future, Caelus stopped them way before they could finish. “okay that's not funny. It was only funny the first time around. Stop it.” man was creeped out.
His second instinct was to threaten your child with his baseball bat, and so, he did. It didn't quite work out the way he wanted to, because the kid laughed him off and threw a heavy book right at him, which he, caught off guard, didn't manage to catch in time, resulting in it hitting him in the face. Ouch.
Either way, he picked it up, asking what it is. Only thing he got as an answer was a quick “just open it.” And so he did. He turned it to a random page, and the expression of pure shock on his face said it all.
He expected everything, but not what he saw. There was only one photo on the page he happened to open the album on. In the frame, the first thing he noticed was you. You were cradling a little kid in your arms, and he was standing slightly behind you, his hands rested gently on your waist.
He was still skeptical about the truth, but the photo did look real. And you… You looked ethereal, he thought. Your eyes reflecting your love for the two, your hair slightly longer than it was now, and your smile seemed so sincere. He suddenly felt his heart skip a beat.
You were a passenger on the astral express currently, not yet a member, but you did travel quite a few worlds with the crew already. Caelus never seemed to notice the way you looked at him, although he looked at you exactly the same.
In that moment, he started to believe in the story presented by the kid just a little bit more. He hoped it was true, at least, and if it wasn't, he would make sure it'd come true. That's when he finally got the courage to ask you out, although when you asked what made him do it, he was too embarrassed to actually admit anything, so he quickly changed the topic by making some weird remarks about the lack of trashcan on Xianzhou Luofu.
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I wanted to make a bonsai kitten recovery post that outlines some of the stuff that I've been doing. Because I don't think that you need to ✨see a therapist✨ to start dealing with a lot of this stuff and I get really frustrated when that is the answer that everyone is constantly giving. Firstly a disclaimer, because I know what website I am on: this is a guide for things that have worked for me! I am not everyone and if there are things on here that do not work for you or even that you think are stupid, that is fine, but please do not make it my problem. If you are reading it and you're like "that sounds like it would actually be detrimental to my specific mental health because of my specific issues" then please disregard it. Use your critical thinking skills and do what you think is right for you!
My second disclaimer is that I didn't make any of this up myself; most of these are collected from various places either in therapeutic guide books or various websites about emotional regulation etc. Some of it is stuff that I have extrapolated from those places based on experience with what works for me or does not work for me. A lot of the way that I treat myself when I need to get my body and brain into a place where I can think about stuff productively is actually directly from gentle parenting guides, because frankly cptsd recovery stuff is very often like parenting a toddler. And the toddler is you. ALL THAT SAID,
The first skill that I had to get good at, that many of the other skills depend on, is to learn how to understand when I am Reacting to something. If I am Reacting it is extremely likely that that's going to only escalate the situation and make it much worse. I HAVE to be able to tell if I am Reacting emotionally to something in a way that is coming from a place of fear and panic. This is important because it involves not being prescriptive about your emotions. You could be Reacting to something that you do not logically feel is at all justified in making you feel that way and that doesn't matter! You can't be doing math equations to try to come to the answer of how you SHOULD be feeling; you have to be observing your mind and body to see how you factually ARE feeling and then respond to THAT. This can be really hard to learn how to do especially if you were abused as a child. (If you cannot think of yourself as someone who is abused as a child perhaps it would help to think of yourself as someone who simply was not taught various emotional regulation skills for mysterious reasons that have nothing to do with your parents' inadequacies.) I need to be able to glance inward and see what the physiological reaction that I'm having is and identify whether or not I feel like this is the biggest emergency in the world that needs to be addressed right now immediately! That is a sure sign that Mr Fight and Mr Flight are in the building and it is bad to make declarative statements or important decisions when that is the case. So, I have to work on dismissing them first. That is literally the first step to any of this. One of my friends calls this "fire mittens," which is to say, if you are wearing mittens that are on fire and you try to touch stuff, the stuff will also become on fire. You have to put the fire out first before you can touch other things.
Once I have determined that I am indeed Reacting and in a physiological state of fear, I have a document in my notes app that is a "what to do when you are in fight or flight mode" guide and it has several helpful things that I will try to outline here.
Firstly, the really important thing for me for trying to get back into an emotional state where I'm capable of making decisions and being thoughtful is to feel safe and comfortable. So I actually have some stuff in my document that is straight up just like "go in the blankie nest. put on this specific music album. light this specific scented candle." etc. You might want to have a specific food or drink that is comforting to you or some other sort of stim toy that helps you regulate. If there's any calming medication or supplements for anxiety that you take as needed, now is also the time to do that. Physical sensory grounding is really important for this. This is probably especially true if, like me, you are neurodivergent, but I think it is also true for everyone because we are animals! And you can't just think about it, you have to actually do it. Which sounds obvious but is the thing that has often tripped me up in the past. Once you start getting into the habit of actually physically doing this it DOES become easier though.
One of my rules is that if I want to respond to something but I am in fight or flight mode, I don't get to respond to it for at least 24 hours. I'm only allowed to respond once I've gotten myself out of fear mode. If it is some kind of comment on Facebook that has set me off, often this means that 24 hours later I realize that I actually don't want to get into it to begin with, which is great. If it's something that is pretty serious and interpersonal with a friend, sometimes that means I have to communicate to them that I'm going to take a while to process it and then get back to them. IMPORTANT: You CANNOT do this passive aggressively or else it undermines the whole thing. You can't phrase it in a way that will make your friends think that you are guilt tripping them for "making" you feel a way. It is VERY tempting to do this when you are in the first stages of trying to form this habit and you simply need to resist the urge because it will render this step worthless. I know. It sucks.
If I am feeling fearful and insecure about friends or loved ones, I also usually try to spend some time thinking about the people that I love and care about. Because often this stuff manifest for me as insecurity that the people that I care about do not care about me, or that they think that I'm being annoying, or that they are secretly thinking mean things about me. It's obviously not good for me to constantly be imagining that the people in my life who I care about are actually avatars of my own insecurity who are here to tell me that I'm secretly fundamentally unlovable! But crucially also it's ALSO not fair to those people to imagine them as that. They are not that guy, they are their own complex human beings with their own lives and experiences and interiority. So sometimes I do thought exercises where I will imagine my friends or loved ones doing things in their everyday lives and I will think about them as people and I will think about the things that they like to do and the things that they say and the places that they go, and I will try to imagine them fondly in those circumstances. This helps to remind me that they are just people and that the scary puppet wearing their faces is not real. To this end I sometimes will have a document of screenshots of things that they have said to me that I can use to reality check myself. I personally find reality checks to be essential for a lot of this. Things can feel true when they are not true at all. Things can feel wrong when they are actually true. The point of most of these exercises is to gently remind myself that those feelings are normal for me to be having, but that I do not need to let them dictate my responses.
It is crucial throughout all of this that you are nice to yourself. You can't talk to yourself in a mean way while you're doing this, or you will not get to a point where you are feeling safe enough to react from a place of not-fear. You can't make yourself feel ashamed or defensive for your emotional reactions. This is the particular area where I find gentle parenting protocols helpful. You HAVE to be patient with yourself.
Ok that's all for now bc I ran out of steam but I will try to think of more to add on another day maybe. Godspeed everyone
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