#like I used to just get a phantom shifty feeling of stuff moving around but like. I had human organs then.

[lichenteeth]

there are unfamiliar organs in me

if you opened me up I would be a mobius strip of developing cystic fixations, old animals in mitosis, faces melting into membrane and bile

circling themselves like bloody minnows

I look like you, I can speak like you

but I wont soon

[saphirered]

Drowned Sorrows (Vagrant pt2.)

Caleb settles at the table in your shared room, ink and paper ready to go to work and you grab your stuff making way to leave when Caleb stops you, stepping in your path to the door, arms crossed and eyes burning into you. You try to step around him but he just moves with you until you give up. Apparently He’s adamant on talking.

“What the hell do you want?” You roll your eyes at his childish means from preventing you from leaving the room.

“This has gone on long enough.” Caleb states.

“What has?” You play dumb and Caleb gives you a disapproving look akin to a teacher scolding a student and you could just wring the life out of him for for it. Gods, can he just leave you be?

“You know exactly what.”

“Please, by all means, enlighten me, oh grand master Widogast.” You mock and now it’s Caleb’s turn to roll his eyes. Do you have to be so annoying? Why can’t you just act like an adult?

“If you insist. Why do you run out of the room whenever I study? Why do you feel the need to cringe and cower whenever I do anything even remotely magic related?” Caleb asks as you shake your head biting your tongue. This man… This man has some guts to call you out like he has but you suppose maybe this whole thing between the two of you wouldn’t have been as much of an issue if the two of you could just talk about your issues instead of bottling it up until you burst in moments like these, usually ending in some kind of shouting match followed by the silent treatment until Nott makes you ‘kiss and make up’ like she’s your mom.

“It’s none of your business, Caleb. Now let me out.” You once again try to push past him but he doesn’t let you. “Try me, Widogast or I’ll-“ You threaten but are cut off.

“Do what? You won’t use your magic beyond rudimentary practices. What could you possibly do?” Caleb pushes. You know he’s pushing your buttons, your anger only another means to get answers for himself and you hate yourself for falling for his calculated move but you still do.

“You don’t want to find out, Widogast. It didn’t end well for the last people.” There it is. That’s what he’d been waiting for. Those words alone, that threat is not an empty one. You wouldn’t harm him, not permanently at least but there’s a truth to your words and Caleb knows his calculated move to piss you off is paying off. He’ll have to tread carefully if he wants more answers and not actually provoke your wrath.

Shit. Shit shit shit. ‘It didn’t end well for the last people’. Shit. You didn’t want those words to leave your lips at all. Ever. Stupid Caleb fucking Widogast. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You can’t deal with this right now and try to push him out of the way but Caleb hardly budges. You half contemplate leaving through the window just to make a point but you’d rather not draw that kind of attention to yourself.

“Veiled threats and half truths. Those are a coward’s words who doesn’t intend to make true on their promises.” Oh you’re this far away from kicking his ass.

“Well it takes one to know one.” You hiss. “You might want to think twice. We still share a room and I will not hesitate to smother you with a pillow while you sleep. Now. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.” You feel a tingling in your fingertips, frustration running through your face with just a tiny hint of fear. You ball your hands into fists, your nails digging into your palms. Last thing you need is to lose control right now but Caleb doesn’t have to know that.

Caleb steps out of the way, allowing you to pass. He stares you down until you close the door behind you, sharing one last glare before you’re off doing whatever you can to not be in any proximity of that room.

————

Hours later Nott has fallen asleep at the foot of Jester’s bed, the tiefling herself curled up comfortably. Beau’s sprawled out across her own bed limbs dangling off each side as she snores. You’d fallen asleep sitting against Beau’s bed until her hand slapped you in the face rudely pulling you from your not so comfortable sleeping position. You get up and stretch your limbs, cracking your back. Hopefully Caleb will have gone to sleep himself and you’ll be able to make it to your own bed without dealing with the wizard at this late, or rather early hour.

Exiting the girls’ room you see Fjord slumped against the wall near to his room, giggles and moans coming from the room he shares with Mollymauk. This time he had the sense to bring a pillow but Fjord still looked about as comfortable as anyone could be sleeping against the wall of one of the most expensive places in all of Zadash. You contemplated waking him and telling him to take your bed instead but you don’t doubt you’ll lose your comfy bed forever if you switched roommates. Don’t want to set any precedents because in all honesty, rather him than you having to deal with the lavender tiefling living his life to the fullest. Still, you take your cloak, throwing it over the half-orc gently as you move on to your room.

You don’t see any candle light bleeding through the narrow slit beneath the door so you count yourself lucky as you quietly open the door and slide in, tiptoeing over to your bed, putting your things down and beginning to get ready to sleep. You pull the silk covers back and lay down, making yourself comfortable and close your eyes. You can still smell the scent of that fine parchment and ink. You can almost hear the phantom scribbling of a pen over that paper, dipping into the ink vial every so often to replenish. It’s pure torture. The sound needs to stop. The smell needs to go and despite you trying to use some prestidigitation to get rid of the smell, changing it to those overly fragrant flowers at the shop you passed by a few days ago, the smell is still stuck in your nostrils, the sound still trapped in your ears, the damage already done.

You turn over onto your back, pulling the pillow from beneath you and pulling it over your head, releasing a frustrated but soft muffled scream more akin to a sigh into the plush feathers. The darkness behind your eyelids doesn’t help as you feel a vision of a room creep in, one etched into your memory just as that scent and sound are. Accompanied by feelings of pain and fear, desperation and helplessness, is the feeling of being completely and utterly trapped. No matter your tossing and turning, it all remains and the walls close in, sleep couldn’t be further out of your reach. That is until the lights turn on. A gentle orange glow fills the room and you’re pulled away from your memories and back into the room you share with Caleb.

“Would you stop your tossing and turning, please.” Caleb asks groggy, the sound of moving fabrics and endless sighs having awoken him from his own sleep. Caleb turns over to see you sitting, elbows on your bent knees and head in your hands as you try to stabilise your breathing, counting under your breath like its a life line. You may not exactly be friends and quarrel more often than not, that doesn’t mean he can’t be worried for you. Something’s clearly wrong and it doesn’t take an expert to see that.

“Are you alright?” He asks carefully turning to a half seated position to get a better view of you.

“Just go back to sleep, Caleb.” You grumble not moving from your position. No quip back, no witty remark, not even actual annoyance or a half threat to let Jester draw dicks in his precious books. The position you’re in, the traits you’re displaying are also familiar to him. He’s found himself in a similar situation many times and while you may have said it before as an offence, it’s true no less; takes one to know one. You’re reliving trauma, or at least coming back from reliving a traumatic memory of some kind. Triggered by what exactly?

“I’ll go back to sleep when I’m sure I won’t be awoken again every ten minutes.” In other words; talk.

“Piss off.” You spit raising from your bed, reaching for your bag. Instead you find an orange tabby raising it’s back and hissing at you, by the command of his master no doubt. You have half the mind to pick the cat up by the scruff and toss him at the wizard but right now you just want out.

“You can’t keep running away from your problems forever.” The words hit hard. Caleb’s right but why does it sound like a statement not solely directed at you? You know exactly why. You might not exactly have had any bonding moments with Caleb and he’s been shifty about his past but you know the words of someone who tries to deny that same truth themself.

“It seems to work just perfectly for you. Hypocrite.” It sounded like a curse. Hypocrite. Caleb had known for a long time but having it thrown so bluntly at his face, it hurt. He doesn’t lash out in anger or hit back with an equally venomous retort but instead just stares at you with pity. He really does pity you. He may not know the story but he knows that pain and no one should have to endure that. Still it’s your choice to keep it to yourself. It’s your choice to keep it all bottled up and locked away. No matter what he says, or does for that matter, he can’t change your mind, or even help you despite your differences, if you don’t allow anyone in, regardless of your like, or dislike in his case, for the person. He can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. And that’s exactly what makes him the biggest hypocrite here. His pain is his punishment.

“Where are you going?” Caleb asks as you push Frumpkin aside just enough to reach for your coin pouch, the cat hissing and clawing at your hands until he falls silent again. You open the door looking back one last time.

“To find a rooftop with a good view and drown my sorrows.” You close the door behind you and do exactly that. A bottle or two of good booze acquired and a nice rooftop found. The view would have been nice weren’t it cloudy. Halfway through your first bottle the gods decided to shit in your dish by the sound of rolling thunder and rain pouring down from the skies by the buckets, drenching you to the bone in a matter of seconds. You debated going back inside but you’re stubborn and stayed on that rooftop watching the water spill over the drains until you were shaking from the cold. Maybe suffering from hypothermia isn’t worth making a statement.

[starryburglar-archive]

Kaoru Info

Full name: Kaoru Matsubara

Species: Human

Age: 13 - 18 ( verse dependant )

Sexuality: Heterosexual

FC(s): Kenna Yatsushiro ( Medaka Box ) || Hashimoto Ai

Bio: Kaoru is the second child in a family of five and the only female besides their mother. She grew up in a male environment, with a big and young brother, and a father who is also a boxer. Since she grew up in an environment like this, Kaoru got used to play a lot of sports, get dirty and do stuff usually aimed at boys. It didn't help that her hair is so short that for years she got her gender mixed up by strangers -- not that she cares that much. Kaoru is not especially girly either, wearing usually baggy clothes and loathing the idea of mini skirts.

Her normal life changed at the age of twelve when a light ray struck her -- as she protected a small child from sad ray -- which gave her unbelievable strength and other cool superpowers. And since she wasn't the only one, coincidentally two other girls from her school were in the same scenario, the mayor of Tokyo, along with the local professor Utonium, decided that they should make a super team. Thus, the Powerpuff Girls were born.

Note: Strictly anime based.

[ MAIN || INBOX || HEADCANONS || VISAGE || MUSINGS ]

                                 -----------------------------------------------

V001: Powered Buttercup

Default main verse. Kaoru lives a double life, balancing being a normal girl who plays a lot of sports (particularly soccer) and every couple of days she transforms to Powered Buttercup, one of the three Powerpuff Girls which are a group of superheroines who have been protecting Tokyo for a couple of years now.

NOTE: While her canon age is of a preteen (so 13) I leave it open to all her years of High School so it can be more interesting to me. So the age range can go up to 18, and her FC for her teen/young adult self is Kenna Yatsushiro from Medaka Box.

V002: Powerless but Still Feisty

Alternative main verse. What if Kaoru Matsubara never got hit with the white Z ray? This is basically an AU in which Kaoru never got superpowers and thus never became Powered Buttercup and a member of the Powerpuff Girls Z. Kaoru just lives her daily life as normal as she can manage with the occasional monster attacking Tokyo, not like she cares about that stuff. Having so much free times on her hands she and her family can manage to travel because of her father’s job as a boxer – so there’s a chance that the Matsubara siblings become transfer students every so often.

V003: Unsure About the Future

A young adult | college verse. Unlike her friends Momoko and Miyako, Kaoru never knew what to do with her life after High School, and even after graduating she lacked any clear answers. To not feel like a waste of space to her family, however, she searched for jobs and found one of her likings. At the local gym, she’s a trainee or assistant to the official teachers and helps the little kids (and sometimes adults) around with all kinds of sports – at least the pay is good.

NOTE: Age range between 19 - 21

V004: Aspiring Warrior

A fantasy or medieval verse. Coming from a large lineage of soldiers and warriors, it’s no surprise that all three children of Captain Matsubara would want to grow up and be just like their father – even his only daughter, Kaoru, wanted to be a warrior. It did concern both parents at first since women weren’t usually seen doing battle but as the years went by and the more determined she seemed to train and fight, they stopped doubting and began to trust their daughter.

V005: Butch Girls can Just Dance too

An idol verse. Kaoru Matsubara, the biggest tomboy known in her school, would be the last person to be found getting scouted to become an idol. But it happened. It’s real. And she’s just as confused as any other would be. How did it even happen? Well, it’s all thanks to an old friend of her mother who has worked on the idol industry for years, and suggested that despite not being all that feminine, there’s a market for butch or tomboy idols out there. Kaoru only said yes to shut him up, not realizing that sealed her fate.

Now, as a member of an idol group of three, herself going as Buttercup for her stage name, and with Momoko and Miyako as partners, who ported the stage names of Blossom and Bubbles, they became the Powerpuff Girls.

NOTE: The age range is of 15 - 18.

V006: Guitar Hero

A rock band verse. Music has always been a part of Kaoru’s life. Sure, she’s still the tomboy sports girl who kicks butt, gets angry very easily, and is more comfortable around boys, but another way of channeling her anger (and overall feelings) is by playing the guitar. She never saw herself forming a band, much less with two of her classmates, much less with two girls such as Momoko and Miyako, but it turned out to be a great partnership (and eventually, friendship). Now she gets to kick ass not only out in the field playing football or tennis, or by fighting back idiots, but by also rocking out with her guitar.

NOTE: The age range is of 15 - 18.

V007: I Am Thou

A Persona 5 verse.

Kaoru’s family had moved to Shibuya while she was still very young, in context, her little brother was still one-year-old. But Shibuya gave them a lot more opportunities in life, especially to her and her brothers. Still living in an apartment complex but with enough space for a family of five, and with enough kids on the neighborhood for the Matsubara children to play with.

During the beginning of her High School years, Kaoru was one of the most promising talents of the volleyball team, being able to hold her ground against girls and boys from Shujin Academy. That all changed, however, once Kamoshida entered the picture. She couldn’t pinpoint what irked her about the guy, as he seemed like a cool teacher, but decided to take no chances and stood her ground. It didn’t last for long, as she herself decided to quit the volleyball after one week with Kamoshida as the new coach.

Much time later is when she would find herself by accident in the Metaverse, soon to discover Sakamoto Ryuji and the new student with a weird looking cat and strange outfits. But most importantly, the surprise on her face at seeing the school as a medieval palace, and Kamoshida as his worst self, compared to no other. Learning what happened behind the scenes no much longer after she parted the volleyball team, the abuse of her classmates, what actually happened to the track team, the truth behind Sakamoto’s injury… it filled her with rage.

And then, she heard a voice coming from deep within her heart. It hurt like hell, like going crazy with madness, but it spoke clearly and with conviction. That voice knew what Kaoru wanted, what she wanted to do for so long ever since she laid her green eyes upon the shifty coach. A pact was made, a mask ripped off, and her true self finally blossomed. With a new outfit, a flashy mask, and a very large hammer, Buttercup the Phantom Thief was born alongside her Persona: Anne Bonny.

[ PHANTOM THIEF OUTFIT ] // [ MASK ] // [ ARCANA: CHARIOT ]

V008: Explosive Fighter

A My Hero Academia verse. No matter if it’s the strength of her father of the speed of her mother, Kaoru cannot use both at the same time. However, her stubbornness and anger make her continue to try to use both. It isn’t completely impossible to dominate both quirks and use them without much drawback, but she’s still young. Currently, she’s a first-year, struggling to keep her emotions in check when fighting.

Quirk: Lightning Bolt. Her parents had different quirks – her father having super strength while her mother was as fast as lightning. Unlike both of her siblings, who only inherited one of the quirks, Kaoru developed both. First, it was the super strength, which they discovered when she was able to lift the sofa with one arm, while both of her parents were sitting on it, at the age of four; the lightning speed cropped up one year later.

V009: Shugo Chara

to be developed better later but some important notes

no, she doesn’t have powers in this verse.

her wish, as much as she will deny it to the world, is for people, especially boys, to not forget she’s still a girl. that as embarrassed she may feel, kaoru does want to be treated nicely, to receive kind gestures, to be seen as someone desirable in a romantic way. but again, very stubborn about it.

her egg is, of course, green. well, the base is green with some different shades of it around it, but there are also some details in yellow, like the flowers spread around the egg.

her chara, after the egg hatched, is a female wearing a white dress and a flower crown on her head ( think of megurine luka’s white dress in “Just be Friends”). the hair, color green, reached past her shoulders. her name is Hana

                                 -----------------------------------------------

CONNECTIONS

The Powerpuff Girls Z :: [ Tammy ]

:: Kaoru ♣ One of a kind friendship ( PPGZ ) ::

:: Kaoru ♣ Extroverted leader ( Momoko : Blossom ) ::

:: Kaoru ♣ Kind fashionista ( Miyako : Bubbles ) ::

Butch :: [ Tammy ]

:: Kaoru ♠ Mean green bastard ( Butch ) ::

Leonardo Hamato :: [ Michi ]

:: Kaoru ♥ How do we rewrite the stars [ Leo ( xsunflowerr ) ] ::

Ryuji Sakamoto :: [ Josie ]

:: Kaoru ♥ Thunder and lightning;; it's getting exciting [ Ryuji ( galaxyveind ) ] ::