#like I turned 23 last fall so that means im almost 24 which is almost 25 and I can't drive I live at home and I dropped out of college

[notquitehumanwrites]

Thought about the constant march of time and had to lay down for a bit

[nr1chaedickrider]

'i just can't leave you alone.'

need her so bad actually...... been thinking about perv nayeon sooo much.. real jihyo fans know where the title is from hehehe

cw: kinda stalker nayeon??, voyeurism (idk if its the right term but the members are next to them), unnie kink (aka nayeon gets turned on by you calling her unnie), dubcon, somnophilia, idk maybe even gaslighting? light bondage (hands are tied together)

not proofread bc its six in the morning im tired sorry for mistakes

_______________________________________

Nayeon, the oldest member of twice, is especially known for her love for the maknae line, especially you. Being the youngest member with 23, she always took care of you like the good unnie she is!!

But what if her care for you goes too far?

_______________________________________

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" the member flood the gc with messages as soon you wake up.

You're now 24 years old.

You already know that the members planned something for you, especially nayeon.

She is behaving weird since some weeks...

Pictures of you sleeping appearing in your room after you come back home from schedule.. Its like she is watching you.

But its normal... right???

Its nothing bad. Or weird.

_______________________________________

You dress up, walking to the living room since its now later in the day, and the members of course want to celebrate with their dear maknae.

"hi guys" you greet them as you walk into the living room, they all smile at you and hug you, nayeon hugging you, but not wanting to let go.

"I love you so much Y/n, happy birthday!! Ive prepared something special just for you.." she whispers the last part. Sending you shivers down your spine.

You try ignoring it, starting conversations with your members, playing games, drinking and other stuff.

But it was like someone was watching you the whole time.

Of course, after some time, the members (actually mostly just jeongyeon and jihyo..) want to play with minas switch, so they start playing mario party. Nayeon sits down next to you on the couch while the other members are busy being competitive.

You feel a finger trace your thigh under the blanket.

You look at Nayeon who smirks at you.

"Nayeon- what are you doing" you whisper-shout, taking her hand and putting it away.

"Shhh.. you dont want them to hear, dont you?" she whispers into your ear, nibbling on it as she places her hand on your core.

"i-" your shocked.

Why is she doing this?

She cant.

She is like your big sister!

"nayeon stop-" you try pushing her away without the members noticing.

She thrusts her fingers inside, making you let out a whine which you quickly cover eith a cough.

The members are too busy playing those stupid games.

You try to hide your moaning, it feels good... But you cant do this.

"nayeon please-" you still try to push her away, her fingers burried deep inside of you.

She pulls her fingers out.

"Come to my room in an hour." she whispers seducingly in your ear.

What is she doing?

_______________________________________

You stand infront of Nayeons door, knocking.

Once, Twice.

She pulls you into her room, shutting the door and locking it.

A soft black silk cloth touches your wrist. You cant even progress what happens.

She pushes you to her bed, your wrists tied together in a tight knot.

"Nayeon-" you try to say something but she pushes you so much, you fall onto the bed.

She looks down at you, only know you realise she has almost nothing on.

"Im tired of doing this only when you're asleep.." she says, sitting down on your lap as she starts kissing your neck, sucking on it like a wild animal.

You let out some whimpers.

"Nayeon please- what do you mean-" you look at her while she eagerly takes of your shirt.

Your bra lands on the floor right after she took of your shirt.

"Your nipples are so hard... You just want me to suck them. Dont you baby?"she grins. Taking one of your erected buds in her mouth, sucking, nibbling on it.

A part of you enjoys it.

But most parts of you need to know what he fuck she said before..

"n-ahhyeon-", you try saying, "what do you mean with in my sleep-" you try silencing your moans. But damn is she good at this.

"Oh about that?" she smirks, leaving your nipple as she looks at you.

She gropes your tits with her hand as she smiles.

"I have been watching you in your sleep.. These cute pictures of you sleeping? I took them! They look amazing dont they?" she says so.. proudly?

"i-.. this is weird nayeon- you're perverted!" you say, trying to free yourself from the cloth that is tied to your hands.

"And what if i am?" she says, taking off your pants as well as your underwear.

"Your panties are so soaked.. you are enjoying this while calling me a perv??" she says smiling, her cold, long finger slowly circling your clit.

You whine a little. "No nayeon-" she continues circling your clit, slowly starting to rub it, with less and less softness.

"You want this. I know it.. or else you wouldnt react like this." she moves her finger to your face, showing you how its full of your slick.

"i-" you can feel yourself blush.

She shoves her fingers inside of your mouth, "suck." she demands you. You look at her weirdly, then slowly. You start to suck.

"Such a good girl for a perv." she whispers as she kisses your neck again, leaving marks here and there. You continue sucking on her fingers. The praise making you want this even more.

I mean a little pervertness cant hurt...?

She pulls out her fingers, and without even a warning, just shoves into your hole in a second.

You let out a louder moan.

She moves them fast, so eagerly.

"your moans sound better when you're awake.." she says, sucking on your nipple while her fingers are thrusting in and out of you.

Everything is overwhelming.

You start to sweat, your breaths are cut short. Your heart beats rapidly.

All because of Nayeon.

Already after some minutes, you feel yourself clench around nayeon fingers.

"Nayeon- i-"

"Cum for me princess." she interrupts you.

The princess sends you off as you cum onto her fingers, letting out a louder moan.

She slowly pulls her fingers out.

'Click' you look at nayeon, she took a picture???

"I should show this to her.." Nayeon says while smirking.

"Her?? What do you mean-" you ask, very confused.

"You will see." she says. Taking her clothes off.

"But now lets get back to us."

[whatthefishh]

Delta Squared Chapter 1

A/N: So, this story is somewhat based off of Think Like a Man, I thought our favourite boys would fit these tropes quite nicely and wanted to write something fun and kinda silly! I hope can enjoy, even if you have seen the movie because I did make changes :) This will have several chapters, but hoping to keep it easy to follow. This chapter focuses on the boys and Benny. No smut, no warnings really except a few swear words. 2.4k words

It all starts sometime in May, the boys’ weekly outing causing the fates to set you up in front of the TV at just the right time. Well, sort of started then. 

###

(01:23 am) Tom wtffff

(01:23 am) im hiding in the bathroom from that weird girl who smelled like burritos next to us

(01:24 am) can i come out yet

(01:26 am) dunno

(01:26 am) but brb

(01:26 am) santi’s helping me get this girl off my back

(01:26 am) so the one who was basically following me is gone?

(01:28 am) also what youre engaged

(01:28 am) just show her a pic of Mads

(01:30 am) true lol

(01:31 am) im just gonna come back

(01:31 am) if shes standing right outside the bathroom ill scream

(01:32 am) idk what ur talking about but will made a face so maybe he knows who you mean

(01:32 am) then again that might just be him pining

(01:32 am) for that girl

(01:32 am) who broke up with him bc he quit his job

(01:32 am) the one hes been "dating" for 2 weeks

(01:32 am) OH

(01:32 am) santi and fish are trying to tag team this girl

(01:32 am) tag team?

(01:32 am) santi and fish are drunk af

(01:32 am) doesnt mean theyre not gonna do it

(01:35 am) uh yeah it does but whatever im on my way

###

Benny emerges from the haven of the bathroom, immediately making a beeline for the boys’ table. Thankfully, the girl who seemed to be at his elbow at every turn was nowhere to be seen. Even halfway across the bar, Benny could see Santiago chatting up some poor unsuspecting woman and wonders to himself with amusement which line he went with this time, the player that he is. He’s ridiculously successful at this, always has been, even in their time in Delta Force, his ability to charm anybody and everybody driving the boys nuts. Frankie had apparently given up the tag team idea, and let him run his game, choosing to watch from the sidelines. 

Benny checks his phone to see if he got a text from you, sending one out asking how you’re feeling. He feels bad for leaving you at home, sick, but you had insisted he go out with the boys, claiming you’ll join them next time. You two had been dating for years now, bordering on 8, your relationship having been an undefined thing at first due to his back and forth in the military. Once he had come back for good, it was almost too simple how you two had made things official, falling into a routine as easy as breathing. But still… he hadn’t proposed yet. 

You were a relatively successful hairstylist, owned your own salon, got along with the boys, matched his energy for all the dorky movies he was into, and incredibly chill with his energy it was almost too good to be true. You even dressed up with him in a couples costume of Han and Leia that one halloween, binging the movies with him throughout the month to prepare for the role. So, you could be forgiven for mistaking the little velvet box he got you last valentines day for a ring, screaming out “Yes!” until you opened it to see a simple but pretty pair of diamond studs. You didn’t understand why he was waiting, you two lived together, shared a car, planned for your future; the domesticity of your relationship was so deeply ingrained in your bones, everyone already assumed you were married until they noticed the empty space where your ring should be. You didn’t want to pressure him, though. He was your Benny, your best friend, and you loved him so much. Star Wars posters, figurines, and all. 

You flipped through the channels at home, eventually landing on Oprah, recognizing her guest as Steve Harvey, the host from Family Feud. 

“Welcome back, everybody. We are still here with best-selling author Steve Harvey. (Camera switch to Steve) - Well, what I try to get women to understand is that times have changed, but your playbook hasn't. I've gotten thousands of letters from all kinds of women who can't seem to find a man, keep a man or get what they want from their man. Until you understand how a man loves, how a man operates, how he thinks, until you get into the mindset of a man, you will never win with us in the game of love.”

Despite your better judgement, you stayed on the channel to see what new information he could possibly be adding to the world of love advice.

“We have a question in the audience. (camera turns to woman in the audience)- Hi, Steve. I've been living with my boyfriend for five years and he says that he loves me and he's fully committed. I guess what I want to know is, how come he hasn't popped the question?- (camera turns to Steve) He hasn't popped the question because you haven't required him to.” 

You roll your eyes at the pedantic answer, but stay listening to see if you could get anything useful out of this.

###

Benny catches part of Santi’s words to the girl on his way to the table, and the tail end of it has him quickly covering his mouth to hide his laughter.

“I’m sorry, but Jesus has my heart.” The girl had said.

“Yeah, no, no, no, I get that. I love Jesus, too. They actually used to call me Pope back in the military,” Santiago countered, sure that he’d walk away with her number. 

“You boys won’t believe how Santi’s trynna pick up this girl,” Benny says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he joins the others at the table. 

“Oh I can already imagine it’s weird, she gave me crazy vibes just by the way she was trying to touch Tom’s beard after 2 seconds,” Frankie laughed. 

Santi returns to the table sooner than any of them would have guessed, and they assume he got shot down - rare, but it does happen. 

“No luck?” Will asks, a little eager to share his misery with someone else at the table. Will’s most recent venture into finding love ended as pathetically as his last; he was too much of a dreamer to keep a steady job after returning home. Apparently, the women he was going on dates with didn’t appreciate his goal of finding something he was passionate about. He just wanted someone to support him, the same way he would give his full support for his partner. 

Santiago looked at each of his friends’ faces and then broke out into a smug smile, “No, I got it. Cmon, you guys really thought I couldn’t? Have some faith.” 

The last comment had Benny cracking up again, and he checked his phone again to see if you’d replied. 

“How’s Daph doin’?” Will asks his little brother, eyes catching him checking his phone periodically. 

“She’s alright, she-” He starts but gets cut off by Fish.

“She's phenomenal, pendejo, we don’t understand why she’s with you,” Frankie laughs, and Santi joins in. 

“Nobody does! How good is your credit score? Do you even know how to check your credit score?” 

They all laugh at that, Benny included. 

“Daphne is amazing, you guys are right. She even loves my nerdy shit. Will doesn’t even like my nerdy shit,” Benny elbows his older brother. 

“You sure about that? Maybe she just loves you. Deep down inside, she’s probably thinking ‘this is some silly ass shit’” Tom counters with his eyebrows raised, challenging him. 

Out of them all, Tom had the least complicated relationship. He just wanted to make Madison happy, simple as that, and Mads felt the same towards him. He was usually the one giving level headed advice around the table whenever the boys would bring up their lady problems, and as much as they wouldn’t want to hear it at first, they usually conceded, knowing he was being reasonable. 

“Nah, I know her, alright? She is just as into all of that as I am.” 

The night goes on in a similar fashion, catching up and teasing, until Tom stands up, stating that he needs to get back to his fiancé, making the others groan in displeasure. 

“When's the wedding again, Tom? You’ll have all the time in the world, laaaaaater,” Santi gripes. 

“You guys still have to take me out for my Bachelor party, how do you not know when the wedding is? It’s next- No, you know what? You can figure it out and plan it when you’re sober, I’m heading out!”

They all chimed in for their goodbyes, knowing they’d see each other in a few days. Benny started to rise from his seat as well, finishing off the last of his beer before announcing his departure. 

“Gotta get back to my girl, she’s not feelin’ too well.” 

“Yeah, I should go, too, gotta pick up my kid from my mom tomorrow.” Frankie adds, also getting up from his place. 

Santiago and Will share a look which doesn’t go unnoticed by Frankie, who immediately gets defensive, “What?”

“Don’t lie to us Fish, you’re gonna go there tonight and she’s gonna give you your onesie and tuck you in the same way she does for your kid!” 

Santiago’s never let go of an opportunity to rip on Frankie’s relationship with his mother. Everybody knew he was a momma’s boy, but now he uses his daughter as an excuse for why he’s over all the time. She cooks all his meals, she does his laundry for him, they even have matching pyjamas which they wear on their movie nights together. He stops by on his way home from work because she’s made his favourite dish, or picked up those socks he likes from Costco. Santiago is only teasing but it’s become glaringly obvious that for all that he complains about being a single dad, Fish doesn’t really make time for another woman in his life. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Pope. Don’t come asking for her pie next time you’re over.”

“Now hey-” Threats were getting serious, Santiago had to back up a bit. 

###

The first bomb had been dropped. 

The next day had you heading to your local bookstore, with your notebook in hand, filled with scribbles of tips from Steve. You had finished the episode of Oprah, surprised to have found some possibly useful ideas to push Benny to the next step in your relationship. Looking for his book, you tell yourself you’re not tricking him, you’re just trying to move forward in your life together. 

Settling in to read for a bit before Benny came home, you found the chapter that focuses on “The Non-committer”, aka your Golden Retriever boyfriend, which described how you need to require him to step up and propose. Your last birthday, the boys came over for dinner; they treated you like one of their own, which was wonderful! Except that it was your birthday, and you were dressed for a romantic dinner for two. You really were one of the boys. Speaking of which, you looked around, noticing how much your shared apartment looked like a college dorm room, one that housed several boys, not the sophisticated adult space you always envisioned. You develop an idea, one that might upset him but that will overall clean up the place and make it look like two working adults live there. There’s a used bong on his favoured side of the couch for fuck’s sake. 

Yeah, that’s it, the first move has already formed in your head, your calculating gaze sweeping across your living room making note of what you’re going to keep and what’s going in storage. The couch will have to wait for another day, you can’t lift it on your own.

Later that evening, Benny comes home while you’re making dinner, chicken wings and fries - not your guilty mind telling you to make his favourite, nope - and his joyful shout at the smell makes your stomach twirl happily. After all these years, his easy smile and comforting presence is still your favourite thing in the world and you want to never stop seeing it. On his way to kiss your cheek in greeting, he catches a glimpse of the drastically different living room space and stops mid-walk, body visibly frozen in shock. 

“Babe! Did we get robbed?! Where’s all of my posters, my figurines?! How did you not notice we got robbed?!!” He’s rushing to inspect the empty spaces.

“Relax, I just tidied up a bit,” you try to keep your voice even and light. “They’re safe, Vader’s safe. I just thought we could paint the living room.”

He exhales in relief, painting he could deal with, painting he could work with. 

“...and redecorate,” you say under your breath. 

“Redecorate?” Benny echoes, confusion taking up his pretty face. “I thought you liked that stuff, why would you wanna redecorate?”

Dropping the last of the wings into the deep fryer you turn to face him fully. “Because, Benny, it looks like we’re still in college. We’re adults, we make decent money, don’t you want this to look like a real home? One where all of our friends haven’t had sex on our couch?”

“What’s wrong with my couch?”

“Baby, it has duct tape holding the back together. We’ve literally had it for ages, and God knows how many times you’ve spilled your bong on it!”

“This couch has history!”

You just level him with a look, before showing him the couch catalogue you were browsing, pointing out the ones you thought he’d like. 

“I’d rather watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with you again than couch shop,” Benny grumbles.

“I know you would because I caught you watching it by yourself a week later. Cmonnnn Benny, it smells so bad.”

“Okay, fine but listen I’m really bad at this. Can you just do it without me? I trust you to pick one. Please?” He leans in to kiss your cheek and heads straight for the deep fryer, gathering the rest of the food to set out for the two of you. 

Surprise colours your face but you’ll take the win. New couch, slightly more adult space, this was shaping up to be a productive evening. The two of you ate dinner, Benny making loud noises of enjoyment from the guilt-wings you made, watching your post-work show together. These are the moments you loved, the simple comfort of each other’s presence, of having your best friend there at the end of every day. 

[gwoongi]

wordless pt.3

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: hitman (john wick au), sugar daddy au, angst rating: mature words: 3.5k warnings: toxic relationships, non graphic sex a/n: im sleepy but hey im also rly glad bts made a statement about the blm movement :D

Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears them again.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

(21) Sharing your umbrella with them in the rain.

“Yeah, I did, I submitted it on Thursday. What do you mean, did it get a good mark, it’s only Monday.” As you near the front windows of the building, you sigh and stare at the gloomy clouds presented behind the glass. Korea is cold and wet and dark today. “Fuck, rain. Anyway, I’ll call you later, Eunji, okay?”

Eunji agrees and hangs up the phone before you get the chance to, and you’re left in the cool shadow of the largest cloud in the sky. From nine until eleven, you have a morning class on Monday; today, due to request from at least five students confused by the essay title that was due on Friday evening, the class ran for an additional hour and a half, all of the subject material covered with a general extension for the following Fri. Typical, as you rushed it to hand it in before submission.

“Not going home, Y/N?”

You suck your top teeth with disappointment, “Not yet, Professor, I need to make a call.”

The slim professor arrives at your elbow, “Boyfriend?”

“Not really,” you confess. You glance at your phone and find Jeongguk’s number, “but he owes me a few favours here and there, it won’t hurt to bring an umbrella or something.”

“Good luck,” she laughs. She doesn’t offer her umbrella, despite it being tucked under her armpit, and her car is parked in sight close to the windows. At that, she leaves and you send Jeongguk a quick text message. If he’s working presently, the text will annoy him less than a call.

Raining! I’m stuck, can you send some to come and get me?

Jeongguk must be in office, because his reply is speedy. Forget your subway card again?

I never ask for anything, would it hurt you to send someone to get me?

He doesn’t reply for five minutes, and then, Uni, right?

It takes at least fifteen minutes before a vehicle pulls up across the small car-park; it’s a black car, shiny and wet and loud, and you bristle at its entry. Quickly, you hug your coat closer around your body and when you glance back up towards the window, you’re surprised to see Jeongguk himself briskly crossing the lot with an umbrella over his head.

“I’m here to pick up a Y/N L/N, you seen her?” he asks when he reaches the door, smiling as you haul it open and stare at him with happy surprise. “You did not dress for the weather.”

“The app said it would be cloudy,” you huff.

“Baby, it’s January, what did you expect,” Jeongguk sighs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and bringing you closer to his body. Like this, he walks alongside you towards the car and for a moment, he glances around the complex out the corner of his eye. This University isn’t the dog's bollocks, because as much as he’s willing to help fund you at University, he can’t pay for you to be smarter. You’re pretty happy where you are, not being at a big-name University but doing the exact same degree anyways. He’s happy that you’re happy, but if it were him, he’d probably redecorate the front.

(22) Listening to them while they vent.

When Jeongguk vents, he doesn’t just vent. He never sits you down in front of him and lets it all out, nor does he slink away to therapy, or whining over the phone, or sleepy pillow talk where everything feels safer when you’re seconds away from falling asleep.

Instead, Jeongguk fucks away his problems, and as he does it, you tend to get an earful.

“And,” he grunts, one slap, one thrust, “I fucked it up.” One more. “All of it.” Another groan, a deeper push, “Fuck!”

You like to let him get it all out, and on the plus side, you get what you need which is to relieve the pressure of wanting in your stomach. It’s better when he’s angry, better for both of you, and he’s full of apologies when he’s finished, as if he was yelling at you and not at himself.

“Last time I ever work with Taehyung,” he spits. “Fuck. Ugh.”

You’ll ask him about it later.

(23) Taking a picture together to print and hang later.

One night, you’re over at Jeongguk’s. It’s not unusual that you’re here, especially when you’re here so often that his house feels like your own. From the bathroom, the shower runs loudly and Jeongguk sings, mostly to himself, in the water, meanwhile you dance around his kitchen making tea and bringing it to the bedroom where he’ll come in later when he’s done.

His room is golden and warm, and the curtains are drawn but the thin netting softens the sunset outside. You circle around the end of Jeongguk’s bed and set his cup on the bedside table on his side, closest to the window, when you notice something new sitting in a frame by the lamp. Okay, you’ll bite.

You put down both mugs and in exchange pick up the frame. Something warm bubbles inside your stomach as you look down at the frame; the picture, you’ve never seen before, but it’s of you. You remember the photo being taken in Colmar, the time that Jeongguk came to see you to satisfy his own boredom and need. Never did you imagine it would be a photo he’d print, let alone put in a frame next to his bed. It’s a pretty photo, too, with the river behind you and the sun on your skin, your hair only slightly in your face.

Not a perfect photo, but a pretty one. Jeongguk must like it enough to have printed it.

The shower cuts off in the bathroom and you move quickly, protecting an image of innocence as you put the frame back where it once was, and pick up your mug and place it on your bedside table. You’ve placed Jeongguk’s mug so that he could take it both ways. Maybe he’ll think you didn’t see the frame, or maybe he’ll know you did. He must have put it there for a reason, you think, and then you stop thinking when Jeongguk opens the bathroom door and enters the bedroom.

(24) Tracing your names together in the sand.

Jeongguk had a call from Hawaii. It was brief, and you imagine not very pleasant, but he had to go nonetheless. Jeongguk sure as hell wasn’t going to go to Hawaii without you, no matter how dangerous that might be for him. He told you with two hours notice to pack up your shit and meet him at his place. The plane took off three hours later, and Hawaii here you come.

He never liked to be late, or behind schedule, and so the job that needed to be done was done in a record breaking speed. Like always, he’d have some time to kill before needing to flee to avoid the authorities, and when Jeongguk heads back home after the deed is done, he steps into an empty room and his skin runs cold.

“Y/N?” he calls, to no response. He sets down his things and moves around the suite, his eyes darting to every area.

There is a moment where Jeongguk fears for the worst and out of instinct grabs the gun tucked into his belt. He pulls it out in the bedroom but pauses when out of the corner of his eye, he sees a person standing on the beach just outside the window. Jeongguk pauses.

Outside, the sun is warm and burning orange, sinking down into the pretty waves. You could get used to Hawaii, maybe, if you failed at journalism at the end of your degree, or if Jeongguk hurt your feelings enough that you felt living in Korea itself would be too painful to endure.

“Y/N!”

You turn over your shoulder, noticing Jeongguk stepping down from the dunes. He’s still in his suit, a black fit that makes him look slender and tall and absolutely stunning. His hair is still wild and wet and there’s blood on the inside of his blazer, a red that contrasts the white of his shirt. You won’t mention it, because he probably knows already.

“Hey,” you call back.

“It’s- it’s not safe for you to be out here on your own,” he explains, finally by your side. “Fuck, I was worried you’d been kidnapped, or something.”

“Oh, sorry,” you reply. “The sunset was just too pretty.”

Jeongguk sighs with his hands on his hips. “Yeah, it is. Hawaii does sunsets better than Korea, that’s for sure.”

Jeongguk stands next to you and says nothing for a few seconds. The sunset is indeed gorgeous, like something ripped out of a painting from a gallery somewhere fancy and famous. You hum quietly, and jump slightly to the left to grab a large stick off the sand. Jeongguk has to stop himself from smiling as you pick it up, like a kid who pretends the stick is a sword.

“I used to write rude things in the sand for the people in planes who flew past, every single time we went on vacation when I was a kid,” you announce.

Jeongguk laughs, “You were some kid, huh?”

“Maybe you killed the wrong one,” you think, and Jeongguk frowns.

“Can you not bring that up all the time?” You look at him and he frowns deeper, “I know you’re happy about it and stuff, but like...not my proudest moment. Makes me feel sucky.”

“Oh,” you answer. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just a joke.”

He shrugs, “I know. But still.”

You stab the sand with the stick. “I thought maybe it was like, fitting?”

Jeongguk lifts his head to the sky and closes his eyes. “Can’t we have a trip where we just pretend to be in love or something so I don’t feel so shit about the reason why we came here?”

That shuts you up for a moment, and you turn fully to face him as he continues to stare at the sky.

“Like Colmar, maybe,” you press, and he looks down.

“Yeah.”

It sits there for a bit, like you’re genuinely contemplating it, but then you straighten with a little huff and turn to him.

“Seems fair,” you agree.

Jeongguk almost exhales a sigh of relief and he smiles, genuinely, and follows you across the beach. The tide is a little out, the sand damp where the sea once was and like children, you embrace the fun that’s waiting to be had on the shores. Chasing the waves, running from them, staring at cute crabs that scurry across the sand and laughing at the cute kids that drop their ice creams in the water.

Jeongguk takes the stick gently from your hand and points it towards the white sand, pressing the tip against the grains. You smile against his arm as you bend to see what he draws; the stick drags across the sand and outlines a J, and the first initial of your name. Oh, you think, as he closes them inside a heart and stands back to admire his work.

It’s cute, childishly cute, and he looks proud. Jeongguk beams at you for approval and you smile back, happy.

“Photo,” you say and Jeongguk drops to a crouch near the design and poses with the stick. This photo is cute, probably cuter than the one from Colmar. Jeongguk even lets you keep it.

(25) Wearing clothes in their favourite colour.

Jeongguk’s favourite colour was white, and he loved the way a white shirt or a white coat or any white accessory would look on you. Sadistically he’d love you in the white clothes he ruins, seeing you wrap your body in a white shirt dressed with blood. White was his muse, a colour of purity and innocence. Although he always wore black for work, he had to have an admiration for the colour of white, standard paper or milk white.

Jeongguk knows that your favourite colour is green. He can tell by the amount of green plants around your apartment, and the green blankets and pillows and mugs and the unusual amount of green clothing items you have in your wardrobe. He even remembers the tie you bought him once, a Slytherin green that he actually really likes despite his Hogwarts house being Ravenclaw.

You’ve never actually seen him wear the tie, not until today when Jeongguk makes a quick stop by your apartment as he heads back to the office. He steps inside with a brown bag filled with bagels and he kisses your forehead by the front door and hands them to you. You see the tie and smile; Jeongguk sure as hell looks great in your favourite colour.

(26) Doing a chore for them that you know they aren’t fond of.

You’re lucky that you never really came across Elio, never once when you were at Jeongguk’s home. You had assumed that Elio was sleeping, or elsewhere on days you visited or nights you slept over. To your surprise and perhaps horror, you discovered that Elio had been there all along, just disinterested in coming out to see you from the few rooms that Jeongguk converted into his own personal habitat.

“You just had him here all this time?” you screech quietly, running back into the bedroom after seeing Elio on the couch. “What the fuck.”

“He’s harmless,” Jeongguk shrugs. “He’s not interested in a human diet right now.”

“Right now? That’s not comforting,” you reply. “I’m happy to go through all your shitty paperwork for you, it’s something I actually enjoy, but can you please go out and get them for me?”

Jeongguk cocks his head to the side, “why, can’t find them?”

“They’re in the living room, on the table,” you explain, peering back out, “but Elio’s on the couch.”

He laughs, rising, “He’s not gonna even touch you.”

“He might.”

“He won’t.”

“You don’t know that!”

“No, but he doesn’t hurt me, so he won’t hurt you.”

You gape. “What? He’s your pet, of course he won’t hurt you. He trusts you. He doesn’t even know me.”

Jeongguk sighs loudly and ruffles your hair as he crosses your path. “Whatever. You’re such a fuckin pussy,” then he kisses your neck and heads out into the living room. You quiver by the doorway as he moves without a flinch towards Elio.

The giant cat picks his head up off the couch and yawns in Jeongguk’s direction, his tail swooshing prettily over the side of the couch. His black fur blends into the blanket he lies on and as he blinks slowly, Jeongguk reaches to pet his head and behind his ears. Elio basks in the love, pressing his head further into Jeongguk’s palm, oddly dog-like. Jeongguk spends a few more moments with his beloved exotic and then finally, like he’s reluctant to, picks up the large and messy stack of papers and then walks back towards the bedroom with a smug expression. Elio’s head falls back to sleep.

“Touch me, check I’m still alive after my dangerous encounter,” Jeongguk says, bringing the papers into the room and dropping them on the bed.

“Shut up,” you huff.

(27) Leaving a plate of food in the microwave for when they have a late shift.

A call from Eunji at eight in the evening destroys all the plans you had set in place. Jeongguk had been called to meet with one of the founders of the South Korean Continental, and wouldn’t be back until around nine. You had prepped an entire meal, sitting ready on the side for when he got home.

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t absolutely important,” Eunji apologises, sounding flustered on the line, “I just. I didn’t know who else to call. I went back to the library, I think I got rid of him, but he was definitely following me from the restaurant. Fuck, Y/N, it was so scary.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m glad you called me,” you assure her, already putting your shoes on, “I can’t believe he showed up again. Didn’t he get put in jail?”

Eunji hums like she’s not convinced, “Out on bail, eighty kay.”

“Fuck. Do you, uh,” you start, thinking of if it’s okay to say, “want me to call someone else?” Jeongguk?

Eunji is one of the only people alive who knows about Jeongguk. She had been your best friend since you were seven, and was one of the only people who remained by your side after Jeongguk had your brother executed, and after you decided to become Jeongguk’s little play thing for a few weeks until he lost control and kept you around. Eunji’s no stranger to his antics, and if you warped the story a little, Jeongguk would have no issues with sorting the problem at hand.

“No, no, don’t,” Eunji begs. “He’ll take it too far. People will point fingers at me. Can you just come and get me?”

“Of course,” you tell her. “We’ll go back to mine, I can see Jeongguk whenever.”

Eunji exhales in relief, “I love you, you know that? You’re the best friend ever.”

You hang up a few minutes later and stare sadly at the meal. But it can’t be helped. Jeongguk’s bailed on you a thousand times for his colleagues. He wouldn’t mind, after a few hours of thinking about it. You sigh with repent and move the food towards the microwave.

Rescuing Eunji. Call me, I can come back tomorrow. Please eat.

Jeongguk finds the note when he gets home and scrunches it into a ball in the bin.

He eats alone, in silence, the other side of the table still prepped for another person.

(28) Sharing a drink with them from the same straw.

“Enjoy the movie!”

“Thanks.”

Jeongguk takes the two tickets from the vender and steers you towards the corridor that leads to the rooms. On this rare occasion, Jeongguk has decided to court you. Quite literally, Jeongguk had called you up and asked if you wanted to go on a date, or something, because he was bored and liked you most, and he knows there’s a movie you’ve been wanting to see.

“Are you sure you wanna watch it with me?” you ask him, even though he’s already got the tickets and is walking next to you.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“I just didn’t think you were a cinema kind of person,” you confess.

Jeongguk hums, “To be honest, I’m not. But this movie looks good, and you wanna see it, and how often do we do things that you wanna do?”

It’s true.

The cinema room is dark and empty, since you’re both early to begin with. As always, it’s a little bit sticky and smelly, and Jeongguk pushes you towards the back row because it is inarguably the best place to sit in the cinema. You set down the large drink in between you both, two straws poking out in each of your directions.

“It’s great this movie is showing here,” you say quietly.

“Yeah, well the LGBT plus movement is really popular now, people are a lot more accepting of it,” Jeongguk states. “I mean, look at how well The Handmaiden did.”

You nod, “great movie.”

“It is,” he agrees. A few minutes later and the lights dim significantly, the movie is probably about to start. Jeongguk leans to the left a little and sips from the drink.

(29) Tucking their hair behind their ear to help them get it out of their face.

Uni’s tough, nobody said it wasn’t. Jeongguk doesn’t really understand this, since he never went to University. He brings a mug of tea from the kitchen to his bedroom where you’re sitting cross-legged staring at a laptop, setting it to the side and sitting just behind you but to your side, watching you closely.

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what,” you mutter dimly.

“Overworking yourself,” Jeongguk replies, “I can see your brain fucking pulsing against your skull.”

You sigh loudly. “I can’t do this. Why did I enroll in University? I should have just put it all away after high school and become a trophy wife.”

Jeongguk’s brows furrow. “You can still be a trophy wife, you’ll just be a smart one.”

You look at him. “I’m not smart enough for this.”

For a while, Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, and he just sits listening to you. As you vent, and open up about how hard it is to do this damn degree, Jeongguk watches your face and your body and uses his fingers to gently tuck the hair that falls in front of your face behind your ear. The passion that pours out of you when you’re frustrated is an unspoken beauty that you’re not even aware of, and Jeongguk eats it up.

He does what he can to put you at ease, because things he says in encouragement are things you already know anyway. Like all humans, all you need is a little bit of love, and Jeongguk’s happy to give it if it means you’re happy with him.

(30) Helping scratch that itch on their back they can’t reach.

“Can’t reach. Baby, scratch my back for me?”

You cringe away from the TV, “what the fuck am I? Your maid?”

“Please?”

You sigh. “Where’s it itching?”

“Thanks, you’re the best.”

“You don’t pay me enough for this.”

“I don’t pay you at all.”

Sigh. “Exactly.”

[sugarkinky]

Gamers gotta game

Pairing: Gamer!jungkook x Nerd!Reader x Fuckboy!Jimin Genre: Future smut, fluff and angst (the holy package). Warnings: None in this part, actually.

A/N: This is my very first fic posted on here, please give me any kind of feedback you feel I might need. Not edited v. 

1 | 2

*gif not mine*

PART 1

▪♡▪

7:34 am

You was almost late when you jumped out of bed and made it to the bathroom, your first class starts at 8:15 and you still had to walk for 20 minutes to get there. This left you with an empty stomach and a lack of caffeine for the rest of the morning, the class itself wasn't bad but you couldn't pay much attention to Mr. Patrick talking about some impossible function. After what felt like days, you were finally lunching with your friends on the cafeteria.

"Y/N, how could you forget my skirt?" Kenny said with her puppy eyes. You promised her you would borrow her some clothes that your mom insisted on buying for the sake of you "going out more".

"Sorry K, can't you pick it up tomorrow?" Your month were already full of sandwich.

"I guess it will do... Are you sure you won't come tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm not the frat party type, you know it" And specifically not this one, the Beta Tau Sigma were a fucking no-no for you after your first party with them on freshmen year. This guys are just crazy and loud as fuck.

Since it was a Friday, you made plans to watch some documentaries and order pizza with some wine. It was just perfect. 

Well, almost perfect if it wasn’t for the hungover from the cheap wine the day after. This was a typical Saturday afternoon, Kenny knocked at your door to hang out with you and you guys chatted about school stuff and about her crush that is supposed to be at the party. 

“What if he is already with other random girl and I don’t even know?” You stared at Kenny’s eyes with a scowl in your face. 

“What makes you think like that?”

“I don’t know, Jin is a very popular guy and older than us, from what I know he has no reason to tell me the truth.”

“So he has no reason to lie to you as well, dummy.”

And the afternoon passed like that, Kenny was already at the door when you shout to her:

“Get home safe bitch!“

“And you stay safe in yours sweetheart!“

▪♡▪

(1:23)Kbae: bich, wasuuuuupp

The sudden noise scared you but you got up from the couch to go catch your phone in the kitchen table. 

(1:24)You: Are you ok?

Kbae: I thik I lost m cell 

You: No, you didn’t

It was a little late for you to deal with drunk Kenny but a side of you were worried that she wasn’t home yet.

You: Where are you?

Kbae: Im los at the bathroom 

You: Your bathroom?

Kbae: nooo im PRTYING LOL

Ok, now you are officially worried she’s going to get her head in the toilet at any moment.

You: Is anyone with you??

Kbae: no that bitc left m

So you remembered that Lisa, Kenny’s friend was there. You try to reach her with no success. You can’t believe she’s getting you out of the comfort of your couch because of her low alcohol tolerance, that dumb bitch…

You: Don’t move a single bone, I’m coming and you will pay me for this later.

The uber was almost there when you received the reply.

(1:50)Kbae: bt I hve no mony

The BTS house wasn´t that far from your place, but it was enough time for you to start regretting your decision. The single thought of a place full of people and loud noise was making you really anxious. When the Uber arrived you took at least 5 minutes getting out of the car, you knew something bad was going to happen with the bad luck you had.

The entrance had just two guys that, from what you guess, should be the security or something like that. You go straight to the door but you fail on not getting attention from the two.

“Hey, do we know you?” The blond guy ask you just when you were getting in.

“Probably not, I’m not the party type. Just here to pick up my friend.”

The blond guy look to the other that seem a little waisted.

“Yeah? What’s her name?” The waisted one shout at you.

“Kenny.”

They look at each other with a little surprise and the blond one say:

“The last time I saw her she was upstairs, are you sure she asked you here?”

“Hyung, let her in, I know her.” The voice comes from inside and you recognize it from your Contemporary Literature class, It’s Namjoon. You never thought he was into frat parties…

“Hi Y/N, I’m sorry for Yoongi and Hoseok here. They are just making sure you aren’t someone from a rival frat or something.” I laugh at the thought of it.

“It’s okay, have you seen Kenny?” You say as a proof of what he’s saying, Namjoon and Kenny are in the same major and maybe he would know where her dumb ass is.

“Not really”

When you get upstairs looking for her you see something you were afraid of seeing, but you know it was inevitable since it was a BTS party. Your ex, well not really an ex since you never had an actual relationship – what actually made the things worse. Jimin was a typical fuckboy but a smartass one for your bad luck, he was almost better than you in your classes and sweet with you. You didn’t know his fame back then and that led into you falling for someone who just saw you as a fuckbuddy. Since you never told him your real feelings, he never knew the reason for your sudden distance, he probably thought you got tired of him and with time he didn’t reach you anymore. And for it not being awkward, you made sure you didn’t took any classes with him this semester.

There you were standing in front of him kissing someone against the wall, you were just frozen in place when you remembered why you was there: Kenny. You almost run to a corridor that had a door with “WC” wrote on it.

But Kenny wasn’t there, actually there was another couple making out, which made you blush and say a lot of apologies after you saw the face of the guy: Jin. You closed the door and rested at a nearest wall, this night is getting worse and worse.

Ok, just breathe. If she’s not there, where?

You started calling her but she stopped answering you since you got there. You tried Lisa but with no success. So you decided to look downstairs but just when you’re reaching the stairs you collided with someone and thanks to your bad luck it was Jimin, of course.

“Y/N?”

“Hum… Hi.”  

“What are you doing here?”

“Kenny.”

“Oh, she made you come.”

“Yeah, you can say that.”

“Well, do you want some vodka? I know you’re not a big fan of beer.”

“Actually someone is waiting for me, sorry have to go” And you run to the closest door praying for it to be open and for the first time that night things worked out and you got no problem getting in. There was a guy in a computer in the room it took him just a few seconds to notice you.

“Hey! Don’t you know how to read? There is a sign at door saying DO NOT ENTER THIS ROOM you…” and the man sited before you turned his chair to see you.

“I’m sorry, can I hide here for a little?” He was shocked to see that you weren’t, first thing, trying to find a spot to make out – since you were alone – and second, drunk.

With a sad smile he said “Some weirdo is following you?”

I felt bad for lying but it was almost it wasn’t it?

“Yeah…”

“No problem, you can lay on the bed for a while.”

The room was not that big but it had two single beds and a study space with the most expensive-looking computer you’ve ever seen. When you sat on the bed, the guy returned to do something on the pc and put his headphones on again. When you got to see what he was doing you notice he was playing some game, who plays games on a party? Weird. Not that you were in a less awkward position.

“HYUNG, can’t you see the MAP?”

You were startled with the sudden shout and nearly jumped on the bed, then he turned to you and said:

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You just nodded and he returned to talk with someone on the game. So you remembered about the Kenny matter, where did this bitch went? You got your phone and text her like crazy, called Lisa and finally you got an idea: her roommate. You call Jisoo and she picks up rather quickly.

“Hello?” Her voice seemed a little sleepy, you must had woke her up.

“Hi, it’s Y/N. I’m sorry for waking you up but I’m trying to find Kenny. Did she go home?”

“Oh, yeah. She arrived here about 20 minutes ago, super wasted and crying. Did something happen?”

Oh, no. Seokjin.

“I don’t really know, but thanks for answering me this late.”

“It’s nothing, any time.”

“Well, good night.”

“Good night.”

Finally, the nightmare is over. Well not really over, you have to get out of this hell before that. So, you get up and go to the door, not really wanting to bother the man on his game. But he heard your steps and turned to you.

“Are you going?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to get home.” And you go back to your way.

“Wait.”

You look at him and he seems a little self-conscious with what he has to say.

“I can take you to the door so you won’t get into trouble with the guy again.” He says that with a hand on the back of his neck. You feel bad for telling him a lie and make him worry about you, he seems nice.

“Ahm, I don’t think its that of a big deal. I don’t want to bother you any more that I already had.”

“It’s no trouble at all, actually I had delivered food and it should be in the way right now.”

“Okay then.” And you two go downstairs to reach the door as you’re praying you won’t see Jimin in the way there. When you got in the balcony you called an Uber and a strange silence got to the both of you.

“Ah.. I didn’t actually got your name.”

“It’s Jungkook, and yours?”

“I’m Y/N, thanks for letting me hide on your room.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

And the silence came again…

“Ahm… Is it your first party here? I don’t remember you from before.”

“Well, I’m not much of a party goer kind of girl.” He laugh at that and your face turned into a frown.

“I’m not laughing at you, I don’t like parties that much too as you could see.” You smile at that, yeah playing games wasn’t much of a party activity.

“Why do you live on a frat then?”

“That’s what I ask myself every day.”

That’s when your car arrived and both of you said your goodbyes.

(3:36) Jimin: Hey, missed seeing you.

 A/N: Thanks for reading, I’ll try to do part two if this one succeed. Send me a message I’d love that.  

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 55

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA 

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!

- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao! 

i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!

okay so here it is. :D

Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter

OLIVIA

I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.

I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.

That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.

"Olivia."

He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.

"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."

My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.

"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.

I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.

"Niall broke up with me."

I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.

The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.

It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.

I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.

"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.

"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."

I turned to him and tilted my head.

"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.

"It does, darlin'."

I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.

"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"

"Yes."

It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.

"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."

I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.

"What are we gonna do, Louis?"

He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.

"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."

I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.

"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."

I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.

"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."

An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.

"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"

"Yes."

My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"

"A week ago."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.

"What are you gonna do?"

Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.

"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."

His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.

"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."

His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.

"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."

"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."

He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.

"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"

This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.

"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."

My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.

He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.

"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."

"No Louis, it's fine I can-"

"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."

I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.

"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."

He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."

I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.

"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.

Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.

"Louis!"

He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.

"Please, stay, okay?"

It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.

"Can we spoon?"

"We can spoon."

I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.

"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.

"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."

"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."

"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."

"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."

My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.

"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."

"Tell me."

I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.

"I don't know, Louis."

"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.

"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.

"For how long?"

My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."

"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."

Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.

"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Fuck no."

My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.

"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"

Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.

"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."

"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"

I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.

"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."

"Who said that?"

I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.

"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"

"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."

I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.

"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."

This time, he's the one who laughed.

"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.

"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."

"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."

By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.

"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."

"It's already working."

My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.

I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.

I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.

"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.

"Oh my god!"

He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.

"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."

His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.

"No?"

"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"

That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.

"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.

"That's the plan."

I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.

"You feel... so fucking good."

He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.

"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.

"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."

His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.

Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.

"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.

"I'm okay too."

He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.

"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"

He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.

"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."

I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.

"I am."

                                         --

Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.

I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.

"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"

"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."

I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.

"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."

"For the breakfast?"

"And for last night."

He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.

"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"

He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.

"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."

It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.

"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."

"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."

I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.

"What are you gonna do now?"

We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.

"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."

When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.

"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"

"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."

"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."

He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.

"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."

"Love you too."

[jakeabel]

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

i was tagged by @bishopsknifetrick thank you!!💖💗💞 (edit: i was also tagged by @korrarights thanks!!! 💖)

i def cant tag 20 people but i tag @korrarights @archidendron @josephtrohman @freetobeafcknriot (no pressure ofc 💕)

1. name: sawyer

2. gender: that feeling when u stand outside and its really quiet and a bit chilly

3. star sign: virgo >:)

4. height: 5′4″ i think

5. time: 6:12pm

6. birthday: sept 14!

7. favorite bands: uhhh mcr, the damned things, gym class heroes, cobra, and well. you know ;)

8. favorite solo artists: frank iero, pstump, britney spears yk

9. song stuck in my head: dracula’s wedding by outkast

10. last movie: no clue :(

11. last show: supernatural 😔😔 (im almost done w season 4)

12. when did i make this blog: it turns 5 on march 22

13. what i post: technically this is a fob blog but they’re. missing. so just whatever tbh

14. last thing i googled: “what month is raphael” because i was wondering if the archangel had a month related to them lol

15. other blogs: my pride & joy & baby @saintmichaels <3 <3 <3

16. do i get asks: every now and then! usually not out of nowhere though

17. why i chose my url: transgender fall out boy B) also people think it means transphobe which is hilarious

18. following: like 430-something

19. followers: a little over 250? it goes up and down a lot lol

20. average hours of sleep: 6-8

21. lucky number: none but i like any number with 2, 4, or 8

22. instruments: piano, baritone, and bass a little

23. what am i wearing rn: jeans w a tanktop and crop hoodie thing? its cute tho

24. dream trip: roadtrip to the west coast!

25. favorite food: those chester’s hot puffs or whatever they’re called

26. nationality: american

27. favorite song: calm before the storm by fob 😌😏

28. last book read: tom sawyer but im still on the first few pages

29. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: none lmao. maybe one of those cheesy fanfic universes where i get to fall in love and live happily after

30. favorite color: yellow-ey greens, pink, blues etc etc

[justdyingslowly]

1. Name justdyingslowly obviously come on

2. Nationality Australian

3. Age 22

4. Birthday nnnah dont feel like it

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) Libra/Scorpio cusp

6. Gender wamon

7. Sexuality very very hetero

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) androgenous

9. What do you/did you study? Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I am disabled you think I can work ha sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning

-

11. Your birth order head first

12. How many siblings do you have? 1

13. Do you have good relations with your family? yeah dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.

14. How many friends do you have? what kind of fucked up question is this.

15. Your relationship status relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?

16. What do you look for in a SO? empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently). Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.

17. Do you have a crush? Hellll yeah Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.

18. When did you have your first kiss? You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.

20. What are your deal breakers? Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up? Its pathetic.

-

21. How was your day? cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that. other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.

22. Favourite food & drink you think im allowed to eat or drink? water and... foods a touchy subject.

23. What position do you sleep in? Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.

24. What was your last dream about? uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.

25. Your fears does PTSD to medical shit count haha

26. Your dreams ... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?

27. Your goals - get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired. - get back to studying art part time for my bachelors. - pass JLPT N3. - go back to university for psychology. - do the dishes when I get home.

28. Any pets? two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.

29. What are your hobbies? feeling nauseous drawing writing a little bit im making a little gameboy game in C atm too

30. Any cool places in your area? i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff

31. What was your last awkward situation? mutual friend made a comment on his chest i playfully smacked it (related to the comment) it was surprisingly hard “O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that” my partner laughed at me. it was awful.

32. What is your last regret? getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it 33. Language/s you can speak english. N4 Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) of course not what the fuck

35. Have any quirks? Quirkless. I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.

36. Your pet peeves open doors.

37. Ideal vacation spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

38. Any scars? internal? yes

39. What does your last text message say? peepee poopoo ustinky

40. Last 5 things from your search history how do i find this

41. What’s your [device] background? Sam Porter Bridges walkin around Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps my chicken

42. What do you daydream about? all might

43. Describe your dream home an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.

45. Your personality type me

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood looked thin and patchy so i grabbed him to take him home. im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.

47. Are you happy with your current life? feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life living

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? blacks, reds, whites and pinks

50. Favourite colour to wear? at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.

51. How would you describe your style? mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu

52. Are you happy with your current looks? kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? bit shorter

54. Any tattoos or piercings? lol no PTSD

55. Do you get complimented often? by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public

56. Favourite aesthetic? all might

57. A popular trend that you dislike blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful. Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments. taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil. Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? The Machine by Low Roar

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like. why wouldnt i admit i like a song

60. Favourite genre? probably enka haha

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? probably enka haha oh and tatsuro yamashita

62. Hated popular songs/artists? why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 which playlist they aren’t all together in one place

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi

65. Do you like karaoke? no.

66. Own any albums? yes? many?

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? no. but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat. -

68. Favourite movie/series? can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc ...shounen?

70. Your fictional crush/es if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone. Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.

71. Which fictional character is you? uh

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so what does this even mean what language is this

73. Favourite greek god? idk hades seems chill

74. A legend from where you live that you like the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist? im in a big egon schiele mood atm.

76. Can you share your other social media? no i am incapable

77. Favourite youtubers? many

78. Favourite platform? not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick? Oh wait the answer is One Piece

82. Do you play board/card games? I play DnD atm and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? that shit dosn’t happen here

84. Favourite holiday golden week coz its a week also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back

85. Are you into dramas? what kind

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? no. thats called being a murderer.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? id like to be a mimi spirit

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? spooky time

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? toshinori yagi

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? anyone healthy

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true im me im not me im pee

-

95. Cold or hot? cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain? both are distasteful ideas in reality

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? i can’t do either partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death? both are deeply upsetting ideas

100. ….. or …..? jiji or ossan? generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.

[laging-hilo]

COZ IM SUPER BORED. CTTO.

unusual asks

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

- HMM NAH I’M HAPPY TO WHO I’VE BECOME, PERO IN TERMS OF HEALTH I WISH I WAS HEALTHIER AND SEXIER. HIRAP NG LAGING NAHIHILO. IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS AND HALF NA HILO AKO PALAGI.

2: What is your full name?

- CANNOT

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

- 30 IF PINOY AND IF IBANG LAHI 19

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

- ALWAYS LIKE EVERY YEAR, LIKE MINSAN TWICE A YEAR.

5: What’s your eye color?

- DARK BROWN

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

- HMM IM OBESE TYPE 3 AND IM SUPER DIZZY PALAGI ALL THE TIME ALWAYS HAD CHEST DISCOMFORTS AND MY HEART BEATS BIT FASTER THAN THE NORMAL. YEAH I HAVE CHRONIC ILLNESS AND IT IS TIRING BUT I AM TRYING TO LIVE, SO KAYONG MGA HEALTHY JAN POTAH WAG KAYO MAG SAD SAD ANG TRY TO KILL YOURSELF ANG HIRAP NG POSITION NG GANITO PROMISE. EVERYDAY IS A GIFT AND IT IS ALWAYS SCARY TO SLEEP.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

- YEAH I HAVE THREE TATTOOS AND 8 PEIRCING

8: What would you say is your best quality?

- TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING, LIKE MGA NON SENSE NA BAGAY AND I CAN MAKE CONVERSATION OUT OF IT. IN PERSON HA. 

9: What are you really bad at?

- MEMORIZING

10: What talent do you wish you had?

- PLATING INSTRUMENTS

11: Are you nice to everyone?

- I THINK I AM, AND I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO BE IF I FEEL THAT IM NOT

12: What do you think about the most?

- MY BOYFRIEND

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

- LIKE IM STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY MYSELF KNOWING THE FACT ABOUT MY DISLIKE ABOUT SOMETHING I HAVE WHICH IS MY SICKNESS

14: What is your least favorite word?

- KANTUTAN

15: What is your favorite word?

- FUCK

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

- MOM

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

- ALWAYS ACTUALLY

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

- IT HA NOT TO OFFEND ANYONE, BUTLATELY YUNG CHRISTIAN BORN AGAIN NA PINIPILIT KO NA SUMAMA SA GROUP NILA AND IT IS KULTO TO CONSIDERED THAT IT WAS FORMED BY PERSON AND GATHERINGS LIKE THAT HERE IN DOHA IS DELIKADO SOBRA LIKE POSAS AND DETENTION SA KULUNGAN. HE KNOWS ABOUT IT YET INAAYA AYA PA DIN AKO NA SOBRA AND I ALWAYS ALWAYS LIED ABOUT ME BEING BUSY EVERY FRIDAY JUST TO AVOID HIM

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

- YEAH AS STATED ABOVE

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

- YEAH MY BOYFRIEND IS 4 YEARS OLDER THAN ME

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

- HMM NAH

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

- YEAS

23: Are looks important?

- HMM NOT SO IMPORTANT BUT IT IS IMPORTANT

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

- HMM ITS FINE FOR ME SA IBANG TAO NOT FOR ME, IKE FOR MYSELE. HINDI KO GUSTO UNG SUPER TANDA OR SUPER BATA SAKIN

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

- I THINK YEAH

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

- YEAH ALWAYS

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

- FUCK YEAH

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

- ALMOST I AM THINKING ABOUT IT LATELY ACTUALLY

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- HMM NAH KONSINTIDOR SILANG LAHAT

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

- MY BOY BESTFRIEND YEAH, AND WE EVEN LOVED EACH OTHER THEN WE STOPPED SEEING EACH OTHER WHEN WE BOTH HUGGED THEN FELT THE LOVE. SO YEAH.

31: How does someone win your heart?

- BY HIS ATTITUDE AND IFHE IS TALLER THAN I DO

32: What turns you on?

- LIKE IN WHAT?

33: What turns you off?

- SAME AS ABOVE

34: Do you get jealous easily?

35: What is your definition of cheating?

- LIKE BASTA MINAHAL NA NYA

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

- YEAH I HAVE A GREAT STORY BOUT THAT, MY BESTFRIEND DOES BETRAYED ME

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

- YEAH ALWAYS ALL MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

- NAH I DNT DO SHITS ON ANYONE I KNOW HOW IT HURTS

39: How often do you listen to music?

- EVERY DAY

40: First concert you attended

- HMMWALA I DONT LIKE CONCERTS

41: Last movie you watched

- LIKE DAD

42: Favorite type of movie

- ROMCOM AND SAD ENDING LOVE STORY MOVIES

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

- YEAH THERE IS

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

- HMM YEAH I AM, LIKE RIGHT NOW I HATE MYSELF. COZ I DIDNT PASSED THE EXAMINATIONS BUT YEAH I HAVE TO ACT NORMAL ALWAYS

45: Do you fall in love easily?

- YEAH

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

- HMM YEAH EVEN WHEN DIDNT MEAN IT

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

CHRISTMAS OFCOURSE <3

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

- YES I AM, YES I DO BUT SOMETIMES I HATE IT LALO NA ABUSADO UNG NAGKASALANAN SAKIN

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

-MY BEDROOM AS I ANSWERED

50: What’s your “type”?

- WHAT TYPE? TYPE IN MAN? IN BOOK? IN MUSIC? WHAT?

[bleusidemv]

85 Question Tag

Thank you @neocultvretechs for tagging me I am always so excited to do stuff like this yeay. Thanks honey!

RULES: answer these 85 statements about yourself and tag 20 people

LAST:

1.drink- strawberry smoothie

2. Phone call- my mom so she can pick me up from the trainstation

3. Text message- friend about the dress for our prom night in 3 weeks

4. Song you listened to- Nirvana-Sam Smith

5. Time you cried- about 2 weeks ago

EVER:

6. Dated someone twice- No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it- YES!!!

8. Been cheated on- I dont really know...I suspect one exboyfriend but I dont care about that anymore and another one kinda did something but not really...just kinda

9. Lost someone special- Nope

10. Been depressed- Haha yeah most of my teenage years but luckyly not anymore

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- No I have a really high tolerance but I dont drink anyways(only like...maybe...5 times a year for special events)

12. Fave colors- (black white gray) pastel pink/babyblue/mint and dark reds and greens

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends- yeees

16. Fallen out of love- idk maybe its hard to put feelings in situations into such a general statement but I think so

17. Laughed until you cried- definitly. I cry sooo easyly while laughing bc of my huge cheeks being pushed agains my eyes so yeah...thats like the only reason I cry for most of the time

18. Found out someone was talking about you -I dont remember but I dont think so since I dont care about that anyways and it mostly does not happen(at least not knowingly)

19. Met someone who changed you- yes

20. Found out who your friends are- BIG FAT YES. Funny story: one of my best friends from primary school and I started talking again after years of not seeing each other and she is the one that helped me get into kpop so much and now we see each other every other week and bc of her I also got back in touch with another friend who I just went on a 3 day trip to berlin with. So yeah soemtimes the real ones are the ones you have not talked to in a while but that does not make it awkward instead shows you how time does not change a real friendship!

21.kissed someone on your facebooks friends list- I dont have fb so no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your fb friends do you know in real life- Still dont have an account

23. Do you have any pets- Yes one Cat

24. Do you want to change your name- No. I am happy my parents gave me 2 names to choose. One "normal/regular" one (Lea(but no one outside the internet calls me that)) and one that is more special(Sharon(also name I wanna be called by everyone since I like being unique))

25. What did you do for your last birthday- Went out to eat chinese with some friends then into a mexican restaurant to get churros

26. What time did you wake up today- 5:00(my sleep schedual is still shit from last week bc if the train we took at 2 in the morning to get to berlin and waking up early bc of excitement on the day the concert was)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night- trying to fall asleep

28. What is something you cant wait for- in general: when I order something online. Right now: going back to berlin for the BTS concert

30. What are you listening to right now- I.L.Y.-The Rose

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom- yes I have someone in my art class with that name

32. Something that is getting on your nerves- my constant back pain

33. Most visited webside- either h&m since I have to get a prom dress and I dont want to soend much money on it or kpopmart bc like...I am addicted to buying albums and I cant stop myself

34. Hair color- reddish brown

35. Long or short hair- on myself long. On girls I like both but maybe I prefere short a teenytiny bit more and on boys I like a little longer hair

36. Do you have a crush on someone- like famous people yes of course but in real life not that much. I mean I crush on loaaaad of girls but its not something constant like when you slowly fall in love with someone

37. What do you like about yourself- actually a few things. My eyes, my upperbody proportions, most of my personality and my taste in stuff aaaand my tattoos

38. Want any piercings- not right now. Someday maybe a tongue ring or a nose ring but I had my piercings phase already and I dont want to go back to it for now

39. Blood type- I dont know

40. Nicknames- no constant ones that everyonw uses just random ones with some friends that come up from time to time

41. Relationship status- almost single

42. Zodiac- Pisces

43. Pronouns- she/her

44. Fave TV shows- not watching any right now but maybe sense 8,skins,scubs,my name is earl, stranger things, avatar, sailor moon and sherlock

45. Tattoos- a heart on my foot but there are more coming in the next days

46. Right or left handed- right

47. Ever had surgery- No

48. Piercings- Multiple earlobes, 30mm tunnle(not wearing them anymore tho), I used to have a septum but I also dont wear it anymore and a smiley also not wearing it anymore aaaand I tried to make a nostril piercing myself but I only got halfway through so noooo but maybe one day Ill get that one profesionally done

49. Sport- I used to dance but I ruined my legs with it so I cant do it anymore as a sport thing

50. Vacation- I will hopefully go to greece or portugal this year. And if I could go anywhere Id go to thailand,korea,japan or anywhere that is close to the ocean and has nice beaches

52. Eating- not right now

53. Drinking- mostly water

54. Im about to watch- the last parts of the last ikon tv episode and then maybe the new kq fellaz episodes

55. Waiting for- my sisters weeding in a month

56. Want- to go back to the got7 concert and tell them all the things I need them to know. Also more albums and maybe new shoes

57. Get married- one day yes but not in the close future

58. Career- something creative hopefully in the music industry as a manager or producer would be nice but Ill take anything that makes me happy

WHICH IS BETTER:

59. Hugs or kisses- HUGS

60. Lips or eyes- both but...a slight bit more eyes

61. Shorter or taller- I am a short baby so taller...almost everyone is and I kinda feel cute for being short

62. Older or younger- older

63. Nice arms or stomach- weird question I mean what is the definition of nice? But lets say they mean conventional nice so like toned and muscular...then its definitly arms. I like strong arms. But I think that nice can mean a lot and to me a nice belly is a soft belly to cuddle with

64. Hookup or relationship- depends. Right now definirly hookups but if the right one comes my way I wont say no to a relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant- lately more hesitant but I used to be more of a trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER:

66. Kissed a stranger- No

67. Drank hard liquor- Yeeeees

68. Lost glasses- I dont have glasses so I cant lose them

69. Turned someone down- Uhm yes of course

70. Sex on first date- No...I mean practically I had sex at a first meeting but it was not a date so yeah

71. Broken someone heart- Yup

72. Been arrested- Nope

73. Had your heart broken- No not really

74. Cried when someone died- No

75. Fallen for a friend- Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

76. Yourself- Sometimes

77. Miracles- Yes...I guess...not sure

78. Love at first sight- I want to but also not sure since Ive not experienced it myself

79. Santa- Nooooooohooooooohooooo

80. Kiss on a first date- thats something to believe in? I just do whatever I feel like

81. Angels- like the church ones no but I do believe that humans can be like angels and thats what I am trying to be

OTHER:

82. Best friends name- I have multiple ones

83. Eye color- Green? Blue? Grey? Who knows

84. Fave movie- too many

85. Fave actor- also too many but the first one that came to my mind was Tom Hardy but there are other in this list too

Tagging : (new mutuals I wanna know better and my good ol frens)

@1kenzo @4xiumn @bobahancafe @felixspotato @woojinshairwasblue @orgel-mp3 @leeknowyaknow @straygayz @jiwonidaeyo @hercosmoscomplex @queen-ki @changbinknows @princess-nakamoto @122c @curledlife @daehdream @irrelevantkblog @neoculture-tech @yummyyugyeommie @joshhaogyu @kinodarling @apricotlipgloss

[lovveecat]

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @notwvrriors ♡

— what was your last…

1. drink:: juice

2. phone call:: my grandma

3. text message:: “did i send u that cover i found of aint it fun??”

4. song you listened to:: Bye Bye Bye - Further Seems Forever (cover)

5. time you cried:: 2 days ago? i think

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice:: nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it:: hahaha no

8. been cheated on:: hAH no

9. lost someone special:: yep

10. been depressed:: ye

11. gotten drunk and thrown up:: HAH NO

— fave colours

12. pastel yellow

13. peach

14. pastel mint

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends:: yep!

16. fallen out of love:: i mean idk if I was “in love” but yeah sure

17. laughed until you cried:: Y E S

18. found out someone was talking about you:: nope (maybe?? idk it might just be me being paranoid but I thought I heard something and it made me really hHh)

19. met someone who changed you:: i dont think so

20. found out who your friends are:: yeah ;-;

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list:: lmao who uses facebook ((imsorryijust))

— general

22. how many your facebook friends do you know irl:: sorry i’m not outdated,,,

23. do you have any pets:: YES AND I LOVE HIM

24. do you want to change your name:: no but I won’t present myself with my “real” name on the internet/youtube

25. what did you do for your last birthday:: escape room with some friendies

26. what time did you wake up today:: around 6:50? i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night:: trying to sleep (but i cant but i cant when you all have,,, gUns for hAnds, Y E A)

28. what is something you can’t wait for:: FOB CONCERT AND LEAVING SCHOOL AND MEETING MY INTERNET FRENS AND THE NEXT TIME PALAYE COMES TO CANADA

29. what is your favourite animal:: foxes!!! and hedgies

30. what are you listening to right now:: buzzfeed unsolved

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom:: i don’t think so nah

32. something that’s getting on your nerves:: my school friends

33. most visited website:: google probably

34. hair colour:: dark dark brown

35. long or short hair:: i have long hair but it’s frizzy/curly so it’s kinda short-ish. I’m gonna cut it and straighten it tho so it has that kinda vinatge 1950s style

36. do you have a crush on someone:: crush?? crushcrushcrush??? the bop by paramore??? ((i dont think so but honestly feelings are too complicated so i kinda just ignore mine))

37. what do you like about yourself:: i’m a pretty good artist?

38. want any piercings:: maybe but probably nah

39. blood type:: idk(how)

40. nicknames:: nixotine, nix, idk if this counts but violette

41. relationship status:: s i n g l e ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

42. sign:: (i’m the new) cancer

43. pronouns:: she/her

44. fave tv show:: dirk gently!! asoue!! doctor who!! b99!!

45. tattoos:: dont have any but have LOTS of plans

46. right or left handed:: right handed!

47. ever had surgery:: nop

48. piercings:: ears but im p sure they’re closed now

49. sport:: i used to do gymnastics and ice skating. I still like to ice skate sometimes and i’m trying to learn to rollerskate

50. vacation:: i’ve always wanted to travel across europe!! and also go to japan!! and back to disney lol

51. trainers:: ??

— more general

52. eating:: quoi?

53. drinking:: qui?

54. i’m about watch:: probably gravity falls

55. waiting for:: my friend to say if we’re going to see panic! or nah

56. want:: to meet my favs (and give them so much love!!!)

57. get married:: idk if i want to but if i do i have ideas

58. career:: (concert) photographer or own a bakery or design merch

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses:: hugs (probably)

60. lips or eyes:: eyessss

61. taller or shorter:: taller? i don’t really care

62. older or younger:: idk? younger?

63. nice arms or stomach:: idc???

64. hookups or relationships:: relationships!!

65. troublemaker or hesitant:: troublemaker? but if they’re being an actual bad person then n a h

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger:: nope

67. drank hard liquor:: nope

68. turned someone down:: no? i don’t believe so

69. sex on first date:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA N O P E

70. broken someone’s heart:: hopefully not!

71. had your heart broken:: maybe?

72. been arrested:: nope

73. cried when someone died:: almost ((a book character))

74. fallen for a friend:: y e p

— do you believe in

75. yourself:: yea!

76. miracles:: it’s possible, but is it plausible?

77. love at first sight:: oR SHOULD I WALK BY AGAIN YOURE PHOTOGENICALLY DRESSED THE CONVERSATION BEGINS OH GO-

((no, you can find someone attractive as hell but maybe not actual love))

78. santa claus:: st nicholas? sure. santa who travels around the world? idk probably not

79. angels:: did you mean tyler joseph? did you mean josh dun? did you mean geoff wigington??????????

— misc

80. eye colour:: brownnn

81. best friend’s name:: awsten hater 2k18, hannah, gabrielle (kinda),

82. favourite movie:: LOVE, SIMON

83. favourite actor:: dont have one?

84. favourite cartoon:: GRAVITY FALLS, SU, CAMP CAMP

85. favourite teacher’s name:: iT starts with a K but i forgot how to spell it cuz it wasn’t commonnNnnsnsjajjzks

I tag: @hint--of--red @scolarin @hottopic @yalocaltransboi @existential-greenbeans @crankthatfrank @underscoregeoff @awwwsten @panicwithryan @howrydenprobablybrokeup @happypandaparade

[lobotomiez]

ok i was trying to avoid this but ive been tagged for it like 6 times i dont even remember everyone who tagged me

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink water

2. phone call my friend eden bc joya and i went outside but she didnt have her swipe card to get back inside and i dont have access to their dorm so i called eden to come let us in but she didnt actually need to bc some ppl came by and opened the door

3. text message one of these 🙌🏻 to my class group’s chat abt our paper

4. song you listened to “my old ways” by dr. dog

5. time you cried WATCHING LOVE, SIMON

ever

6. dated someone twice? not even once

7. kissed someone and regretted it no ive only kissed 2 friends when we were drunk

8. been cheated on nope

9. lost someone special not,, really? ive lost ppl but i wouldnt call them special

10. been depressed lol

11. gotten drunk and thrown up yeeah only once tho i think?

fave colours

12. peach

13. forest green

14.  probably lavender

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends uhh i think so?

16. fallen out of love nope

17. laughed until you cried yah

18. found out someone was talking about you nope

19. met someone who changed you i guess so 

20. found out who your friends are yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list not in the last year

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl all...

23. do you have any pets my kitty!

24. do you want to change your name no

25. what did you do for your last birthday uh.. i think nothing.. one of my friends brought me an arizona and stopped by for like 5 mins.. at least i think that was my last birthday?

26. what time did you wake up today first alarm went off at 9:00 but i didnt get up until 9:36 or so and then was late to class but the professor was later so it didnt even matter 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night probably sleeping

28. what is something you can’t wait for spRING BREAK IM GONNA GET A TATTOO IN SEATTLE AND HANG OUT W JOYA AND EDEN!!!!

30. what are you listening to right now ladada by dr. dog !

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom uhh my cousin’s name is thomas does that count?

32. something that’s getting on your nerves my finger wouldnt stop bleeding so i put a bit of tissue and tape on it and its kinda annoying in a more general sense my skin is annoying as hell these days its so dry on the lower half of my face but kinda oily on the top and im breaking out rly bad rn!! even tho im on an acne med!!

33. most visited website probably this hellhole

34. hair color boring brown

35. long or short hair short but im gonna grow it out to a bob length which is still short but long for me

36. do you have a crush on someone idk if its a crush but i think this guy in my music class is really cute his name is sam

37. what do you like about yourself uhhh not a lot my guy but i guess my music taste

38. want any piercings? i would love a bunch of ear piercings all over and maybe a lip piercing 

39. blood type red

40. nicknames uhh none exactly one (1) person is allowed to call me tess and its None of u

41. relationship status single and unloveable 

42. zodiac gemini

43. pronouns they/them or she/her irl 

44. fave tv shows its always sunny in philadelphia, the office, psych, monk, i also rly like ap bio so far idk if its a fav yet but i enjoy it 

45. tattoos soon!!!! it’ll be a hand holding a flower

46. right or left handed right but i can do stuff w my left too 

47. ever had surgery uhh wisdom teeth

48. piercings norm ear piercing and septum 

49. sport what the fuck is a sport

50. vacation i went to the netherlands and then germany in like 2013 that was really fun 

51. trainers shoes? i almost exclusively wear boots namely my docs or converse or birks if its warm out

more general

52. eating nothing rn but i just had dinner which was a sad tasteless pad thai, broccoli, a slice of pizza, an eggroll, and some cereal (welcome to college) 

53. drinking water

54. i’m about to watch probably something on youtube but i also need to look at the course schedule for next semester bc i have an advising  meeting tmrw and i have no clue what i want to take 

55. waiting for ?? spring break

56. want a slushee sounds so good rn

57. get married yeah probably

58. career a psychiatrist hopefully or something similar

which is better

59. hugs or kisses i love hugs but i also havent had a Real kiss so idk but also im weird abt mouth hygiene so there are very few ppl id be ok w kissing so anyway hugs i guess

60. lips or eyes uhhh both? nice lips are important if ur gonna be kissin em

61. shorter or taller i dont care actually

62. older or younger this question is creepy, cancelled

63. nice arms or stomach all arms are nice and all tummies are nice

64. hookup or relationship relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant usually hesitant but i can be a troublemaker if im in the right mood

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger lol no

67. drank hard liquor helllll yeah

68. lost glasses dont wear them but never lost sunglasses or anything

69. turned someone down yeah

70. sex on first date lmao

71. broken someones heart i highly doubt it 

72. had your heart broken nope

73. been arrested no

74. cried when someone died yeah,,,

75. fallen for a friend nno

do you believe in

76. yourself lmao

77. miracles no,, i believe some wild shit happens coincidentally??

78. love at first sight i mean u could be attracted to someone at first sight and then fall in love w them if u develop a relationship w them but its not love if u’ve never even talked to them

79. santa claus i wish

80. kiss on a first date ??? how does one “believe in” this it either happens or it doesnt 

81. angels nah 

other

82. best friend’s name emma + a lot of others i consider best friends

83. eye colour brown/hazel

84. fave movie oh shit,, maybe love, simon 

85. fave actor hhh... charlie day??

i tag whoever wants to do this bc its rly fuckin long

[dwaekkichaos]

85 truths tag

I got tagged by the amazing @m1c-drop

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last💌

1. drink - cider

2. phone call - my mum i think

3. text message - my boyfriend

4. song you listened to - L.A- Jonas Brothers

5. time you cried - yesterday watching the Thanks choreo vid lmao

ever💌

6. dated someone twice - no

7. kissed someone and regretted it - nah

8. been cheated on - dont think so

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - yeah

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - aslflfk yeah,, not fun,, 

fav colours💌

12. forest green

13. really really deep dark blue

14. very soft grey

in the last year have you…💌

15. made new friends - yeah boiiii

16. fallen out of love - nah

17. laughed until you cried - yeah

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah

19. met someone who changed you - idk, not really, i tend to keep friends that i can just be me with?


20. found out who your true friends are - yeah,, 


21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - i mean yeah,, my boyfriend lol

general💌

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but a few that are mutual friends i’ve only met like once

23. do you have any pets - my cat Chloe!! I love her so much!!! i also have a rabbit called Bee (he’s evil and hates me) and 2 tortoises called \rocket and Fluffy (I was like 8 when we got them ok let me LIVE)


24. do you want to change your name - god plz yes i can’t fucking stand hearing my birthname


25. what did you do for your last birthday - went to my nan’s and had lunch out with her and my mum and then went for dinner with my parents and brother

26. what time did you wake up today - uhhhhh like 9:30am? but i didn’t move from my bed till like 11:45 lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - revising for literature,, my life is so exciting


28. what is something you cant wait for - finishing a-levels,,


30. what are you listening to right now - my entire itunes on shuffle, legit like the past 3 songs have been the jonas brothers, sf9 and frank iero,, its a wild ride

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - me letting myself fall really behind on college work bc all this stress im under now could have so easily been avoided

33. most visited website - youtube or tumblr

34. hair colour - dark brown, almost looks kinda black-ish in the winter


35. long or short hair - short


36. do you have a crush on someone - i mean,, yeah,, my boyfriend lol

37. what do you like about yourself - my eyes are p cool? idk that’s legit it

38. want any piercings? - i really really wanna get my nose pierced, i just haven’t been able to afford it yet

39. blood type - no idea

40. nicknames - Mich, Mikey, Mic Drop (Thanks Lizzy), Morch, Microwave, Thot, Nerd, Mac n Cheese, Mo, i have a lot of nicknames lmao those are just the common ones


41. relationship status - taken

42. zodiac - taurus

43. pronouns - he/him

44. fave tv shows - skins, inbetweeners, peep show, brooklyn 99, doctor who, casualty, spongebob (im a meme fite me)

45. tattoos - none yet, but 3 months and i can get some!


46. right or left handed - right, but im sorta ambidextrous (out of practice though, i gotta work on my writing again its been a while)

47. ever had surgery - not that i can recall

48. piercings - 1st and 2nd lobe on each ear

49. sport - i horse ride and attempt (and fail) to dance sometimes


50. vacation - idk, im happy anywhere as long as i have wifi, a book, some music and its not really really warm?

51. trainers - idk i live my life in Vans and Doc Martens, i dont really wear trainers unless you count Vans as trainers?

more general💌

52. eating - my diet consists of chicken nuggets, cheese crackers and salted pretzels

53. drinking - i run off of coffee and tea, and i drink a ton of water, and i started drinking orange juice again recently? its a good time

54. i’m about to watch - im like 9 episodes into season 1 of Hello, My Twenties, it’s so good

55. waiting for - the sweet embrace of death,, jk, i bought some washi tape the other day and im excited about it


56. want - to not be this stressed so i can have time to actually do stuff i wanna do

57. get married - idk probs, depends on how i am as a person in the future


58. career - editor for books

which is better💌

59. hugs or kisses - h u g s


60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - taller is usually more attractive but i aint biased

62. older or younger - as long as its within a year younger or a few years older it doesn’t really matter to me

63. nice arms or stomach - idfk i don’t take notice really


64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - neither really?

have you ever💌

66. kissed a stranger - no


67. drank hard liquor - yeah

68. lost glasses - not permanantly


69. turned someone down - yeah

70. sex on first date - no,, im ace

71. broken someone’s heart - doubt it

72. had your heart broken - nah i dont think so

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yeah

75. fallen for a friend - i guess technically? me and my boyf were friends for like 2 years before we got together

do you believe in💌

76. yourself - no lol i know im an idiot

77. miracles - not really

78. love at first sight - no, not unless you like actually spend time together on that first meeting and actually have a grasp on the other person’s personality


79. santa claus - nah

80. kiss on a first date - sure why not


81. angels - yeah, but not like the guardian angel sense

other💌

82. best friend’s name - Lizzy

83. eye colour - brown, but it changes from like really dark brown to almost golden depending on weather/ mood

84. fave movie - Donnie Darko and Trainspotting will always be my faves

85. fave actor - i used to be obsessed with Nat Wolff, but now probs Sebastian Stan idk

I’m gonna tag:

@icalltheedragon @blueberrymanju @hotswaggerzuho and anyone else that sees this and wants to do it i guess? also u dont have to do it if u dont wanna obvs

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 28

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: please forgive me

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 28 : His chapter

NIALL

I was happy to have found my best friend back. It seemed like everything was back to normal, or almost. I split my time between Liv and Maya and I was trying to satisfy both, although Maya demanded more attention than I would have thought at the beginning. We had our occasional disputes, I couldn't lie, and most of them were about my best friend, but I was trying not to think about it and I never mentioned it to Olivia.

"Niall? Are you listening to me?"

"Mm?"

I looked up from my phone to look at my girlfriend. She looked pissed and glanced at the plate in front of me. Most of the time, she preferred to eat out and it sort of bothered me but if it saved us from an argument, I was in.

"You barely ate anything." she pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

I looked at her plate and then back up in her eyes.

"Your plate is pretty full too." I argued, moving my chin a bit as my eyes found my phone again.

I wanted to mention that she barely ate at all but I kept my mouth shut because I knew it was a touchy subject for her. Still, I worried about her and I was surprised she insisted on going out to eat since she barely did in the end. Perhaps it was only to make people believe she ate and not get any question. I felt my phone vibrate and looked down at it, quickly typing an answer to the message I just got. The conversation about food seemed to be over but when I heard her voice again, my heart jumped slightly.

"What's so interesting on your phone, Niall? Can't we just eat together and talk?"

I sighed, maybe a bit too loud, and put my phone back in my pocket, feeling it vibrate again immediately but trying to ignore it.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

Her face changed and she looked down, making me believe that the conversation we were about to have was not a fun one. I breathed in deeply but subtly, trying to remain calm no matter what she'd say but knowing it wouldn't be easy.

Maya was more and more jealous as time went by. It had been a few weeks since Harry and Olivia broke up and since then, she had become a bit possessive and got mad almost every time i'd hang out with my best friend. She'd text me a few times an hour, ask many questions about what we did and said. and one time, she even showed up at Liv's, pretending she was 'in the neighborhood'.  It was not easy and we had that talk a hundred times, but I was starting to think that things would never change.

"I've seen the picture." she let out, making me frown. I was about to ask her what pictures she was talking about but she continued. "Of you and her... kissing."

Once again she put emphasis on the 'her' which is something she always did when it came to Olivia. I couldn't remember the last time she actually pronounced her name.

"What are you..."

I didn't have time to finish, she moved her phone up and showed me a picture from the day before. It was all over google, or it seemed, and I could see a very bad picture from very far away of a supposed and obscure kiss between my best friend and I. The angle was shady and although it was probably not photoshopped, it also was clearly not what was happening for real. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my cold of pastas.

"You know it's just the angle, right?" I asked with an obvious tone full of judgement.

She breathed in, her facial expression turning into a angry one as she brought her phone closer to her, leaving it on the table. She moved closer to me, leaning against the table a bit, and sighed again.

"I think it is exactly what I see."

With my fork still in hand, i leaned against the table too to talk in a low tone.

"Three or four years ago there was a picture of Harry and I kissing that appeared online with a bunch of different articles titled ridiculous shit like 'Harry Styles' New Squeeze Is His One Direction Bandmate Niall Horan' and I can assure you Harry and I never kissed even if you would doubt it with the picture." I explained roughly but in a whisper. "It's what these people do, it's their job to start bullshit about celebrities. I'm sure you had your fair share. So if I tell you this picture is not real and that I was not kissing Olivia, then you should trust me."

She blinked a few times and shook her head and although I knew I hadn't convinced her of anything, I also knew she didn't have any argument to keep this fight going. Or I thought so.

"So you're not having sex with her?"

I choked on my beer and cleared my throat before swallowing hard. All I could think about was the time I fingered my best friend and how I came all over myself from it. It was very weird to think about it while looking at my girlfriend but I finally sighed. I hadn't touched Liv in that way or cheated on Maya again ever since and even if I couldn't pretend I hadn't thought about it, I had been physically faithful to her. Well, except that one time.

"Why would you even ask that?" I wondered rudely, a bit louder this time. "How many times do I have to tell you that she's just my best friend?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest as if i had just expressed a lie and maybe I had. Can someone really be just a friend if you also have sexual thoughts about them?

"Then why don't you ever make love to me?"

Her tone was rude but her voice was low and it seemed even rougher this way. It felt like a slap in the face and I held my breath, staring at her as the anger showed on my face turned into annoyance and a bit of embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks burn, not because I was not banging regularly a girl like Maya or because she was talking about it in public but simply because of the reason why.

"You know... love is a big thing and.."

"Fine." she cut me. "Why don't we have sex, then? Better?"

I cleared my throat without answering her question and licked my lips before looking up in her eyes. I was not having sex with Maya because I was too horny for someone else. It had never happened to me before but it was the truth. Maya and I fought a lot and argued and whenever it would happen, I clearly was not in the mood to be lovey with her. Even on our good days though, I couldn't do it. I had tried and we had a few times, but most of the time i'd find an excuse. Sometimes, i'd even wait until she was asleep to join her in bed, which resulted in many nights spent on the couch since I would end up falling asleep in the living room instead. The last time I had tried to have sex with Maya, I thought about my best friend and it felt so wrong that I had to stop and pretended I had a migraine. Yes, a fucking migraine. I was pathetic. I had this gorgeous model in my bed and I couldn't think with my cock for just an hour in order to shag her.

"I've just been tired and busy." I let out as if it explained anything. "Are you really mad about that? Seriously?"

She didn't answer but pressed her lips together, staring at me as I shook my head.

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you." I pointed out, playing with my cold food by running my fork a bit too violently in my plate.

"If you're not getting it from me, you're getting it somewhere else. I know how men work, Niall."

I sent her a frown and then scoffed, shaking my head again. I couldn't believe we were having this discussion and it made me feel like shit. Did I really want to go through that all the time? Of course, I didn't imagine Maya and I to get married or anything and if I wanted to be honest with myself, I didn't even see myself dating her in the long run. Perhaps this whole relationship was not worth trying to save after all.

"Really now?" I asked, slightly pissed now. "You know how men work? Well then I hope you saw this coming."

I grabbed the cloth napkin I had placed on my lap and wiped my hands with it before throwing it in my plate a bit roughly and looking up in her eyes. She seemed surprised but I knew she knew exactly what I was doing. I leaned closer to her again and stared at her for a few seconds.

"I'm tired of this. We're done."

With an annoying noise, I pushed my chair back and got up, grabbing my coat and diving both my hands in my pockets as I walked away. I stopped when I met our waiter and gave him two bills of a hundred to make sure everything was covered and to apologize if we disturbed other clients. I just wanted to be far from here as soon as possible and I thanked him before leaving quickly.

I breathed in deeply when I stepped out, the cold winter air reaching my nose and making me feel suddenly lighter. Was it wrong of me to feel so relieved to be single again? Perhaps, but I couldn't help it. I waved for a cab and quickly got in but giving the driver my best friend's address instead of mine. I really needed to see her and I felt like I hadn't seen her in way too long.

                                                       ---

I stood in front of her apartment building, my hands still in my pockets as the cab disappeared behind me. I didn't know if it was a good idea and I knew I was here unannounced but even if it hadn't happened in a while, we used to do that all the time. I wasn't sure she was there as I rang the bell but I decided that if she was not, i'd get inside and wait for her anyway, no matter how long it would take for her to come back.

It took longer than expected for the door to unlock and I put my keys back in my pockets, opening the door and rushing upstairs. When I knocked, the door opened slightly and Liv's face appeared, making my smile grow bigger.

"Hey, sorry I didn't call." I apologized, licking my lips. "Can I come in?"

I was excited to see her, impatient to tell her we'd get to spend more time together and explain that I was single now.

"Uhm, yea, of course."

She took a step behind and I pushed on the door slightly and walked quickly inside.

"So guess wh-" I stopped myself suddenly, my voice stuck in my throat as my smile fell. "Harry?"

My bandmate was there, sitting on her couch with half a blanket on him while the other was moved. She was clearly sitting there before opening the door and I noticed how close they must have been from each other. There was a movie on pause in the background and I tried to make sense of the scene in front of me.

My eyes found her again and I frowned, taken aback by the fact that I had not seen this coming at all. Perhaps I was too busy fighting with Maya to realize Olivia and Harry were hanging out again and I hated it. I hated it more than I could explain.

"Wow, really?" I asked, getting pissed for the second time tonight. "Him? Here?"

She frowned and shook her head a bit before shrugging but I didn't let her talk.

"You didn't even think to tell me that you two were spending time together?" I added, not giving her time to talk. "You didn't think to mention that you wanted to try again with him or that you had feelings for him again? What am I to you? Are we even still best friends?"

"Niall, it's not what you-"

"No, wait." I cut her. "I come here to tell you I dumped Maya and I find you cuddling Harry?"  I shook my head and scoffed, slipping my hand in my hair and turning on my heels so my back was facing her.

"It's really not what you think, Niall."

Hearing Harry's voice pissed me off even more and I shut my eyes tight with a groan. I wanted to tell him to mind his own business but I was scared that this business was now his, too. I missed the days Olivia and I were both single and always together but it seemed like it wouldn't be happening again. At least, not soon. Fucking Harry. I knew I was mad at him for no reason but I couldn't help it.

"He's right." Liv agreed with him, twisting something in my stomach. "And we weren't cuddling."

I turned back to her swiftly, raising my eyebrows as my lips parted.

"Don't lie to me, I have two functioning eyes!"

"Oh my god Niall calm down!"

Her voice took me by surprise and I took a step back as Harry got up from the couch slowly and walked up to her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. That display of affection made me want to puke.

"I'll leave you two, call me okay?"

She nodded and he smiled before turning to me and giving me a short head movement as a goodbye. His hand slipped from her arm and I watched it, holding my breath the whole time. We waited until the door closed behind him and I breathed in but we stayed silent, just staring at each other. She seemed to glow and I didn't want it to be because of him. She moved two locks of hair behind both her ears and I surprised myself wishing I was the one who pushed them out of her face with more delicateness than the way she had done it.

I thought she'd propose me a drink and that we'd talk sitting on her couch but she just brought her arms closer, crossing them over her chest and bringing her shoulders up.

"Harry and I are just friends, Niall, that's all."

I hated that answer and it reminded me that I gave the exact same one to everyone who asked about me and her. Why did I have such a hard time believing it when it came from her mouth? Perhaps it was because it was hard to believe when it came out of mine.

"I'm not getting back with him, Niall."

I sighed and shook my head, bringing my hands to my hair and pulling on it a bit too hard. I don't know why I was getting so mad but I couldn't help it. It was raising inside me like a volcano near boiling and I closed my eyes, pacing quickly in a small circle and letting out a few groans. I couldn't seem to ease the anger I was feeling and it was making me even angrier.

"You know what? I don't believe you!" I let out.

"Why?" she asked with a frown, taking a step closer. "I won't go back with him!"

"And why wouldn't you go back with him mm?" I asked a bit too loud, throwing my arms in the air in a ridiculous way. "He's perfect, he clearly still has feelings for you and you two didn't really have any reason to break up."

"Because... that's not how it works, Nee." she replied, shaking her head and avoiding my eyes.

I blinked a few times, staring at her, breathing in as my hands formed fists. I could feel my nails digging gently in my palms and the word escaped my mouth in a yell. "WHY?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU OKAY!?"

Silence. All I could hear was the pace of my heartbeats accelerating in my chest. My muscle loosened and I opened my hands as my shoulders fell.

"What?"

My voice was low, almost inaudible.

"I love you Niall. I'm in love with you." she added, swallowing hard. "I've always been. Since the day I found out what love was, I knew the love of my life was you. I didn't stop loving you, not even half a second. It's always been you, and no one else."

"That makes... no sense." I whispered, shaking my head and taking a step back despite myself.

"Except it makes all the sense in the world, Niall, don't you think?" I watched her tilt her head on the side and it hit me just how vulnerable she looked. "Don't you think we make sense?"

"As best friends, yea." I explained now completely calm. "As.. maybe a bit more than that, sure. We make sense as ambiguous best friends that people question, okay, I get that."

I stared at her, unsure if my heart had stopped or was going too fast for me to feel the beats. Weirdly, I wanted to take her in my arms and beg her to take her words back so everything could go back to normal. Why didn't I see this before? Or did I? Why didn't I want to see this before?

Her emotions changed, her face softening but also turning into a sad expression. I felt like shit, I felt out of place, I felt guilty... and all these feelings couldn't seem to make me find the right words.

"But Olivia, you and I? As a couple?" I shook my head, raising my eyebrows and bringing my shoulders up. "No, it doesn't make sense. It wouldn't work."

I was searching for her eyes but she was avoiding any contact and we remained motionless and in silence for a few minutes. It was awkward and I couldn't put a finger on the last time it was awkward between us.

"Do you love me, Niall?"

Her eyes finally met mine and my lips parted at her question. I pushed my hands deep in my pockets and shook my head slightly.

"You always ask me that question. My answer is still the same."

She took a step closer and my gaze followed her. The closer her body was getting, the harder my heart was beating. Why did this have to happen?

"I mean real love."

She didn't try to add anything else, we both knew what she meant and we both knew I was avoiding the question. She took an other step closer and I looked down in her eyes as her chin moved up. My eyes roamed in her face, trying to memorize every single detail : the way her tin lips were slightly parted, the way her green eyes had an halo of gold around the pupils, the way her button nose moved up delicately when she talked. I brought one of my hands to her cheek, slowly and gently, and ran my thumb on her skin. She looked on the verge to cry and I didn't want to admit that I felt tears coming, too. I was losing my best friend.

"I can't." I just said, taking a step back and feeling my hand slip from her face before letting my arm fall. "I'm sorry."

I sighed and closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to stop my whole body from throbbing and finally just shook my head before turning around.

"Niall..."

I swallowed hard and breathed in without turning back to look at her.

"I'm sorry."

And then I did the worst thing I could have done. I left.

                                                    ----

My whole body was burning and throbbing and I stopped running as soon as I was out of her building, holding myself on my knees with my hands, my eyes closed. It felt horrible, like I was trapped in a closed elevator in-between two levels... like I was stuck in a secluded and locked place without being able to get out. I had a hard time breathing and I tried to concentrate on inhaling and exhaling to get back to normal.

It took a while but when my crisis was over, I moved up again and searched for my phone in my pockets. I realized my hands were shaking when I tried typing a message but I finally hit 'send'. It took me longer than I thought but I eventually found a cab and ended up in bar, sitting on a stool and drinking a beer. I was twisting it in my hands without tasting it, probably warming the liquid with the palm of my hand pressed on the bottle. I felt someone sit next to me but it's only when I heard his voice that I looked up.

"Six tequila shots." Louis ordered, looking at the barman before turning to look at me and then back at the man behind the counter. "No wait, make it eight, please and thank you."

"Oh I'm not getting drunk." I pointed out with a frown.

"Fuck yes you are." Louis chuckled. "I'm seeing your face and you clearly need it. What happened? You broke up with Maya?"

I scoffed and looked back at my beer, taking of sip of it and grimacing slightly.

"That's not why I asked you to meet here, I just needed company."

I was not sure if it was a lie or if it was only half a lie but it didn't matter. Louis knew me too well and when he laughed, I knew he didn't believe anything I said. The barman came back and aligned the eight shots in front of us as Louis handed him a bill and my eyes roamed on the shots slowly.

"Let's drink half of them then you can tell me what the fuck is wrong Neil, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at the nickname and grabbed one, quickly downing it and turning the shots around, putting it back on the counter with a light thud before grabbing the other one and doing the same. My throat was burning because of the alcohol and so were my eyes but there was clearly no link with the shots. I rubbed both my eyes and sighed again but when I turned to Louis, he was waiting.

"Olivia told me she loved me."

Louis blinked a few times and shook his head.

"Okay... and?"

I opened my eyes in surprise. I had expected a different reaction : a loud laughter, a shocked expression, or even a grimace... but indifference? No, I hadn't seen that coming at all.

"And?" I repeated, raising my eyebrows. "She loves me, Louis. She LOVES me."

This time, Louis laughed and shook his head, pushing an other shot on the counter to get it closer to me.

"Because you're gonna tell me you didn't know before she told you?"

He grabbed a shot and brought it to his lips. I watched him as he swallowed the third and the fourth, grimacing and finally turning to look at me. I was not really sure why it was Louis I had called. Probably because he was the first contact I found, or maybe because I knew he was going to tell me things the way he sees them. He was going to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear.

"N-No..."

"Then you're a fooking idiot, Niall."

"Thanks Tommo, that really helps." I let out with sarcasm, raising my nose and drinking my last shots before grabbing my beer again.

"So, you two are dating now?" he asked, taking the cigarette from behind his ear to place it between his lips.

My face twisted in an other grimace and my nose raised up at his words as he took his lighter out of his pockets. I watched as he lighted it up and inhaled a long puff, letting the smoke come out from his nose. I was not even sure it was allowed to smoke in this bar.

"No, of course we're not dating. I don't.. We're not..." It seemed like I couldn't finish my sentence and I sighed a bit too loud.

"Let's face it Niall. The only thing that would change if you two started dating would be holding hands and having sex. It doesn't sound too terrible does it?"

He tapped on his cigarette and the ash fell on his napkin before he licked his lips. I tried to think about having sex with Liv every day and holding her hand... I tried to think about cuddling her at night, dancing with her in the living room, having conversations in the AM all the time. Louis was right, most of those were things we already did.

"But dating means love, it means a steady relationship, it means being faithful and owing your time and heart to someone. it implies a lot more than I can give her. I can't give her that."

"Can't or won't?"

"I hate you, Tommo." I groaned, grabbing my beer again and drinking what was left of it.

"You're scared, that is pretty obvious." Louis said, his lips moving a bit as he shrugged. "But it's time you man up and admit how you feel. Or i'm telling you, mate. You're gonna lose her. And this time, it may be forever."