#like I can't wait to never be pregnant or have to deal with an infant

[softpine]

hacker voice we’re in

[pisati]

I suppose it's a product of the society we live in, but I feel messed up in some ways for not wanting my own children. Not liking babies, not even really thinking they're cute. Being terrified of pregnancy. I almost wish I could be 'normal' about it, in the same way I sometimes wish I could be 'normal' about sexual attraction and drive. It would make things so much less complicated, feels like. I looked it up. Just a few scattered articles about women who don't want children (some of which say "it's perfectly normal!"). A lot of the justifications some of these women give are... honestly really pretentious. Some of these people just think babies are plain gross. And they can be; they're little poop machines, they puke, they blow mucus everywhere... but I saw one article that was like "they're gross and inconsiderate and selfish" like... fucking duh? They're infants. They don't know how to control their bodily functions quite yet and they don't know how else to communicate their needs. "You're a baby. You have nothing to do. If you're tired, just sleep instead of crying about it" like how fucking stupid are y'all? Have you ever tried falling asleep when you're tired but your brain just won't let you? Did it occur to you that infants have to learn things as basic as the concept of object permanence, and maybe they cry when they're tired because they just don't know what else to do about it? Being tired fucking sucks. Even at 25 I sometimes get so tired I want to cry. Fuck off. And "inconsiderate"?? As if babies have even the slightest concept of "considerate"? They are wired to survive. To need their parents to provide for them. That is what they know how to do. "Considerate" is learned. God. Those things are not an issue I really have with babies. I get kind of secondhand embarrassed when babies do stupid things, but I understand they're learning. I get super grossed out by the idea of diaper blowouts and spit-up and faces covered in snot and every food they try to ingest, but... I know if that were my child it'd be a little easier to deal with. I'm fine with my pets' bodily functions, I don't see why, if I loved something enough, it should really be a problem. Some people don't get that. But they say they love their pets in a way they don’t care for children; makes me wonder how they actually treat them. Some people think babies are life-ruiners, but of course they're going to be if they're not wanted, you absolute fucking morons. They are work. Some women love being a mom but hate motherhood, and that's understandable. Some people don't want to give up their careers, because honestly, raising children is a full-time job in itself. Babies maybe won't ruin your life's work, but they certainly can derail it and be a weight you have to carry around for a lifetime. Not everyone is ready to commit to that. But that's not an issue I seem to have with them either. If I wanted them, they'd be worked into my future plans. It wouldn't be ruining my life if that was the way I wanted my life to go, you know? The people that think it's the worst thing that could happen to their career... shouldn't have them, lmao. Those kids are going to grow up knowing they're resented. Knowing that you had things you wanted to do with your life, until they came along. They're going to feel like a burden on you, and you’ll probably take out your regret on them at some point. Your feeling like you "need" to have a child because of societal expectations doesn't trump the wellbeing of the child you're bringing into this world. There's the tantrums. The crying, the screaming, the not listening to reason. That's one thing I can actually agree with. I can't deal with babies crying. Some say that the cry of a baby draws people in; it makes mothers want to go to them and comfort them. I have the opposite reaction. I hear a baby crying, I want to get far away from it. I don't think I'd be very good at perceiving a baby's needs. They wouldn't stop crying, I'd get impatient and frustrated. You can't reason with a crying infant, you have to find the off switch by guessing at which needs aren't being met. I wouldn't be able to deal with tantrums or an indignant child, but I feel like any child of mine would know better than to give me the business. Who knows, though? Who knows what I'd end up with? I was a good kid. Afraid of consequences, sensitive, obedient, for the most part, if not a little stubborn (ok, very stubborn). What if my kid was the exact opposite? What if no matter how much love I gave them, no matter how attentive I tried to be towards their needs, no matter how many lessons I tried to teach them, they ended up a little brat? A gigantic asshole? God forbid, a white supremacist or some other horrible thing? Sometimes people really do their best and still it doesn't matter.

I just. I don’t have those instincts towards babies. I really don’t. I wish I did, sometimes. But that’s just not how I was wired. They scare me too, possibly because of unfamiliarity, but more because I don’t have the energy or the money to be as good of a parent as I’d want to be for an infant.  I do think I have maternal instincts though. I know I try to take good care of my rats and I love caring for them. Spoiling them, making sure they have what they need, making sure they're happy and healthy. I can't see myself ever not having pets. But by that same token... just thinking about it. I've been saying for a while now that I think my maternal instincts are misdirected towards animals instead of humans (ha ha), but I don't think that's actually true. My heart breaks for older children in the foster system-- older children being kids that aren't babies. Any child in the foster system, of course, but I’m more drawn personally to the older ones. Kids that have known abusive parents or never even knew who their parents were, kids that grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place, knowing they don't really have a family. Children have a lot of needs growing up, and emotional needs are a big one that people sometimes overlook. Kids can get hurt, bad. They feel a lot of things, and deeply. I remember being a kid myself, and I was always one to feel things extraordinarily strongly. I remember dad got me two Polly Pocket sets for.. maybe my birthday one year. And I'd thrown out the little plastic insert that one of them was packaged with-- you know, just opening a box, discarding the packaging. And I realized later that the insert would've been perfect for keeping the little rubber doll pieces organized, and the regret over having thrown it out hurt so bad I cried. Like... kids are growing and they're complicated and I can't even imagine having that made harder by parents or lack thereof. Knowing that kids are growing up in those conditions makes me want to take them in. Like my friend’s family, who’s taken in a whole bunch of foster kids and adopted them all. I'd want to bring a child home, and let them know that this is their home and would always be their home. Give them some stability on a fundamental level. Show them love they may not have received yet. Do their hair, have little makeover days, movie nights, game nights, craft nights. Surprise them with things they like, watch their face light up knowing they're listened to and cared about. Listen to them talk about their interests, try to guide them towards things that make them happy; spark that interest and let them explore and grow; not try to mold them any way I think they should be. Help them with homework, work through problems together, because lord knows I'd probably struggle with some of them too. Hope they'd trust me enough to come to me with emotional issues-- not like how I could never talk to my mom about boys. Try to help them heal from whatever trauma they may have experienced. I don't know how I'd handle behavioral issues, if that were to happen, but I know the best course of action is educating myself and trying to be understanding. I do think I'd be a good mother. Just not to an infant, lmao When I was still in school, I'd let my rats run around my apartment during playtime. I'd leave my plastic shopping bags on the floor in the kitchen once I'd put groceries away, because I knew Jay liked to hoard them under my couch. And sometimes I'd take my phone flashlight and look around under there at the mess he made. I wouldn't touch it (until cleaning day came, usually, or unless there was a receipt I realized I needed). I'd just look at the organized chaos his little rat brain told him to create. I was witnessing the physical manifestation of his personality-- something he created himself. He put those bags right where he wanted them, and I could hear him rustling around down there sometimes, arranging them how he liked. He would grab mouthfuls of food and stash them in piles under the couch too, in specific places. I think I'd be the type of person to do the same for a child. I couldn't ever tell them what to do or how to be, necessarily. I'm sure I'd just marvel at anything they created; anything their mind produced. I'd want to know them for them, and love them just the same, even if they were nothing like me. Hell, I'd probably be happy if they were nothing like me (in some regards). Reminds me of that scene from Ladybird. I just. I wish that you liked me. Of course I love you. But do you like me? I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. But what if this is the best version? Parks & Rec: I love you and I like you. One day I'll be able to say that. I hope.

[concubuck]

Wait, if you can have a womb or not, but the womb is never gone it's just...somewhere else, does that mean you can just carry the baby while it's somewhere else? You mentioned you've been wearing the womb more often recently though, so could that be pregnacy hormones messing with your head a bit?

((I'm switching to answering this one OOC since it's saying "you" like it's talking to Alastor, even though Alastor hasn't told anybody yet that he's knocked up. Wanna make it clear that the IC-ish answers to the prior questions aren't Alastor talking TO anons—it's just me showing his own thought processes. That's why they're phrased in third-person "Alastor is" instead of first-person "I am"—Alastor's not talking. Alastor doesn't speak in third person. At this moment, nobody in-universe should know he's knocked up.

He hasn't quite thought that far ahead yet—but very soon one of his most pressing concerns is going to be figuring out how to conceal his pregnancy until he decides to tell the public about it, IF he decides to tell the public.

When Alastor is shapeshifted, the change isn't permanent. It's like stretching a rubber band into a weird shape; when you let go, it snaps back into its default shape. Or—maybe a more fitting metaphor—his shapeshifting is like sucking in your gut to make yourself temporarily look thinner. It wears him out and uses up his magic to have a sustained shapeshift—he can't wear a fake form indefinitely, he has to take a break and return to default.

Usually, Alastor's "default shape" is, like, 60% of the time the body he started out with—your standard dick-and-balls setup—and 40% of the time the setup with vag-and-womb(-and-dentata, the dentata are present on his "default" shape), although he doesn't otherwise have "feminized" anatomy in this shape (i.e., no tiddies). Meaning that if he allows himself to un-shapeshift without thinking too hard about it, he can end up with dick or vag, with dick being slightly more likely, and if he's in either state he can "rest" there indefinitely. Either anatomy counts as an "unstretched rubber band."

The farther he gets into pregnancy, the more the womb anatomy configuration takes precedence as his "default" state, creeping up from 40% to 50% to 60%. If he remains pregnant it'll eventually hit 100% and remain that way until he's not-pregnant. Any time his body needs to take a break and settle back into his "default" shape, it's gonna be the shape with a womb (and baby), not the womb-free shape with a dick.

You could call that "hormones" if you want, he's definitely having Hormones, they're no doubt involved in some way; but whatever the case, his "default" state switching to the anatomy with a womb is indeed a consequence of his pregnancy. His body is trying to grow a whole-ass infant. That's harder to do if the baby-growing cauldron is in a different universe from his body; maintaining that separation is becoming something that requires sustained effort instead of something automatic.

He'll still always be able to shapeshift that anatomy away—just like right now he can always shapeshift away from his "default" shape(s)—but just like right now, he won't be able to sustain that shapeshift indefinitely. Right now, I think the longest I've had him sustain a shapeshift is ~12 hours, including sleeping in it overnight without it slipping; but the next morning he shifts back. It would take more magical energy than he can produce alone to just banish his womb to another dimension until the baby's full term. He can hide his pregnancy in public as long as he relaxes in private; but he can't simply avoid dealing with it until it's over.

... he himself doesn't know all this yet—like I said in an earlier ask, the fact that he figured out how to shove a uterus into himself doesn't mean he fully understands what it's doing in there—but this is stuff he'll be figuring out via trial & error as his pregnancy progresses.))

[crazybagelbitch]

Harriet AU: an amount of time of your choosing has passed and Maddie finds out she’s pregnant. Only Harriet overhears her on the phone panicking to her brother as she waits for the results before Chimney gets home.

She peaks around the corner to make sure Harriet is still happily distracted by her ice cream cone-- a reward for enduring her dental appointment without biting the dentist like the last time-- before she calls her brother.

She can't resist another glance over at the six year old as she waits for Buck to pick up, this time not out of making sure the coast is still clear but out of love and concern. They weren't planning to have another baby yet, or even definitively ever; Harriet was more than enough and after everything her and Chimney had been through one healthy, happy child felt like winning the lottery. Another baby was floated as an idea every now and then but always decided on as a "maybe later." And little Harriet had lived six years as only child after enduring so much trauma from her mom dying when she was a baby to her father then almost dying twice himself-- was it fair to have another child? She very arguably deserved all of their attention. She might not have been the one to grow and birth the little girl and she could never replace Beth and the life her and Chim and Harriet should have all had together, but it has been a long time since Maddie thought of Harriet as "her boyfriend's kid" and not her own. She had to come first in their family decisions, always.

"Mads?":

"Buck," she whispers, "if you tell a soul about what I'm about to say to you, you will not be happy with the consequences."

"What? Is everything okay? Did you murder someone or something?"

"Kind of the opposite, actually."

"...Uh, what?"

"I'm..." she trails off, looking over at Harriet again before continuing, "I'm pregnant. I mean-- I'm not 100% sure but I'm like 98% sure. I-I know that doesn't make sense but I was a nurse, I just know and I'm waiting for my two minute timer to run out before I check the pee stick for the official confirmation."

"That's... I mean, can I be honest, Maddie?"

"Yeah," she sighs, "I guess. Just be careful how you word it."

"I've kind of been waiting for this. Isn't it about time? I always thought you and Chimney would have another kid."

"Why? Because that's what people do?" she snaps, muttering a quick apology because she did just give him permission to tell her what he was thinking, "sorry, I just... we didn't plan this. It was always a maybe someday. And when we talked about it we weren't even sure if we did had a baby that I would be the one to get pregnant. I mean, with everything and all of the trauma with Beth's pregnancy complications and then Chim finding her dead when Harriet was an infant, we thought surrogacy would be easiest for everyone if we did want a second..."

"Do you want a second, Maddie?" Buck asks, and sometimes she hates how indelicately and blunt he is with more emotional matters but right now she feels thankful, because someone forcing her to get exactly to the point and not beat around the bush is exactly what she needs right now.

"I did-- I mean, I do, but it was never a deal breaker if we didn't have another baby. I always thought it would be nice for Harriet to have a sibling but it wasn't something I felt I needed to do or else I wouldn't be happy. And now that I think about it, I'm not so sure a sibling is what Harriet really needs, and you know, the timing... Chimney and I are getting married in three weeks, Buck."

"It's not like you'll grow a pregnant belly in three weeks, Mads. Unless you somehow didn't figure this out until--"

"I know," she hisses, "it's just all a lot. Harriet's very excited about the wedding but still, even if she can't fully process it she does have some complicated feelings below the surface about it, I'm sure."

"She adores you, Maddie. She calls you mom. I don't think she's upset about her mom and dad getting married."

"I just mean she's too young to really feel it yet, but there's trauma with not even remembering your biological mom because--"

"You're thinking too hard, Maddie. Stop thinking about Harriet and Chimney for just a second and think about what you want. Do you want the test to say yes or not? Your fiance and daughter's opinions definitely matter but first you need to figure out how you feel."

"I think I'd feel happy, honestly," she admits under her breath, nervously walking towards the bathroom now that it's been well over two minutes, "happy but scared. Scared that Chim and I won't be on the same page, scared of how Harriet will feel if we do go through with the pregnancy... fuck. It's positive, Evan. I'm pregnant. I'm glad, I think, but how do I tell Chimney that--"

"You're pregnant, mom?" a curious voice asks, and god damn it, she got too caught up in her emotions and forgot that ice cream cones don't last forever, "that's how babies are made, right?"

"I-- sweetie, your uncle and I were just talking. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Talking about you being pregnant?"

"Harriet, honey. Why don't we go play candy land together? Just the two of us. And just don't worry that pretty little head about an adult conversation I was having with your Uncle Buck."

"But--" and then she hears a key starting to turn in a lock and Harriet squealing excitedly at her dad coming home as she almost always does, and she panics.

"Harriet, I will give you $20 if you don't mention this to your father."

"Okay, mama!"

She already bribed her daughter once today, what's one more time?

[renee-writer]

Just A Bit Of Whisky Chapter 2 Three Minutes to Change Their World

They place the test on the counter without making eye contact with the clerk. She scans and tells them the price without saying anything about what they purchased. Jamie pays as he wonders how often frightened teens come in to buy similar items. Claire jerks the bag up and hurries out.

“Now what? I can’t imagine taking this test at home.”

“I believe they have a loo.” He points back to the druggist they had just left.

“Oh God.. Let's go.” She takes his hand and leads him back in. Again, neither make eye contact with the clerk. She watches them head to the back, to the loo, and shakes her head. She prays they get the results they want.

One loo, not distinguished by man or woman. She pulls him in with her. “Claire, I can't..”

“Oh yes you can James Fraser! If we can have sex, you can see me pee. In this together, right?”

“Right. Sorry. I am just..”

“And I am not. Okay, how do I..” the instructions are read several times. Simple. Just hold the stick under her urine stream. Three minutes later, two lines is positive. Oh Jesus! She lowers her pants and, saying a prayer, pees on the little stick. She lays it on the sink and washes her hands.

“Do we wait here?” He softly asks.

“No, I can't bare it.” She places the test back in the box, drops it into her purse. “Let's walk.”

They don't see the clerk while leaving. Holding tight to each others hands, they start to aimlessly walk down the sidewalk. They don't talk. Each are lost in their own thoughts.

Claire’s: “How am I to get through medical school with a child? What will my parents say? Will dad try to kill Jamie? Can I hide it until out of school? I don’t want to be the pregnant girl, the one in trouble.”

Jamie's: “If it is positive, I need to really step up. Talk to her dad. Will my da think less of me? My mam? Will they let me present her with grandmam's ring? Will I have to buy my own? I will need more hours. Babies are expensive. It will need…”

“It has been over three minutes. Shall we see?” the words are steady. Her voice isn't. It wobbles. Jamie tightens his hand in hers.

“Aye. No matter what, we are handling this. There are two of us, possibly three. But you are not alone.”

“Right.” They sit on the bench by them and she draws the box out and hands it to him. “I can’t.” He nods. Not sure if he can either but..

He slides the stick out. He sees it right away. No way to misread it. Two distinct pink lines. He swallows. Pulls a deep breath in. She sits, head down, eyes tightly closed. Like a small child that doesn’t wish to face reality. He hates to make her.

“Claire. It is positive. We are to be parents.” At his own words, spoken aloud, a surge of both fear, bone deep and chilling and joy that sets his heart a float, seizes him. The result makes him feel a bit sick. She looks up at him. Her eyes are filled with tears.

“Oh Jesus Jamie! What do we do?”

“We must tell our parents.”

“Daddy may kill you!” she cries out. A woman passing turns to look at her before hurrying away. The Fraser’s and Beauchamp’s have known each other forever. The teens grew up together. But still, as much as Henry Beauchamp likes and respects Jamie, Claire has real concerns about his safety.

“I've an idea. A dinner all together. We tell them together. Then my da can protect me..”

“And my mum protect me.” Ellen Fraser has a temper. She doesn’t wish to face it alone nor have Jamie.

“Aye and with Jenny there also..”

“Jenny is liable to smack us both.” Janet known to all as Jenny, Jamie's big sister, has a huge temper also. She was the sister she never had. Jenny has high standards for those she loves.

“Very likely. We need a plan to present to them when we tell them. So we just not two kids who got in trouble.”

“But we are.”

“Right but must be more. We must be two teens with a plan to deal with our trouble.”

“Jamie do you have a plan? Because I can’t think past the panic.”

“The start of one.” One thing he can't say until he speaks to her dad. “I think we can arrange our classes so one of us can always be with the baby. We don’t want an infant in daycare. I will work every hour I can to make sure he/she and you have all you need. I am sure our friends and parents friends will throw a baby shower. It will be tough but, with us working together, I believe we can do it.”

“Yes maybe. Just to get to get passed telling our families.”

“Aye. Soon as we shouldn’t tell others until they know.”

“But Jamie…”

“Do you wish them hearing through gossip?”

“No. Okay soon. God help us.”

“Amen. You know I love you?”

“I do. I love you. I am scared, make no mistake but it helps knowing you are here.”

“I always will be.”

[all-blue-headcanons]

Hello, Blue! Aaaaaah I can't get away this thing out of my head, and I'm so sure you'd write something so wonderful for him so... May I ask a headcanon/scenario, whatever suits you better, about Crocodile dealing with his new father role? How would he take care about his heir, male or female, what would be his little treats for them? If it's alright of course! I know that you would always write something fantastic, I couldn't help, friend

Sir Crocodile on becoming a father

- When he finds out his partner is pregnant, Sir Crocodile is… not exactly happy to hear the news at first. He’s a pirate and an older one at that too, soon to be approaching his fifties. How is he supposed to handle a child at this stage in his life when he’ll be old or possibly even dead by the time the brat is a teenager? It’s a given since he’s a warlord, murderer and conman - everything that is absolutely not the type of person that anybody should consider father material.- Nonetheless, Crocodile is a man who handles his responsibilities. It takes two to make a baby after all, and if it’s his significant other’s decision to keep the little thing then he’ll just have to support them both as best he can. That said, nobody is to know about the situation; only Daz Bonez and one or two trusted agents are given the joyous news, with orders to obtain the necessary purchases…- “Is this really necessary, sir? Name is scarcely showing at this point…” Daz sighs, his powerful arms heavily laden with all sorts of baby items ranging from tiny clothes to blankets, pacifiers and plush bananagator toys. A sharp look from his master swiftly silences the man and he goes to add the items to the steadily increasing hoard of childcare items, which has practically become it’s own room by this point.- By the time the baby is due to arrive, Crocodile could stock an entire nursery for a year with all the stuff he’s bought - nobody is more prepared for parenthood than this man! His child is to want for nothing, their existence to be held in complete secrecy over the next couple of years until they’re ready to receive a proper education. Until then, there’ll be the finest silken pillows and blankets for it to sleep on during hot desert days and fur throws for cold nights, with an army of toys always on hand to play with…- He’d never admit it, but the day of the child’s birth is the most frightening, thrilling day of Crocodile’s life. He’d never wanted to become a father, knowing full well his lack of patience and trust issues to bear inflicting it on his own flesh and blood but as the months pass, watching his partner’s belly swell by the day, he comes to find he’s… happy, content even. He may never have expected to become a father, especially so late in life but knowing he’ll leave some small legacy behind even if he never manages to accomplish his dream provides some comfort.- When the big day finally arrives, Crocodile is right there by his partner’s side. It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s in the middle of an important meeting or job, he will make time for his child’s birth, providing support and comfort for his lover while waiting for the baby to finally arrive. Money is no issue when it comes to monitoring his loved one’s healthcare; Crocodile has already gone to every length to secure the best doctor he can find, using every means necessary to secure their trust so that his new family will be taken good care of.- He’s hesitant to hold his child for the very first time. Crocodile’s hand, responsible for the deaths of countless men and women seems so vicious in comparison to this defenceless little thing. His partner has to take his large palm and carefully set the infant within, cradled up against the man’s massive chest. Crocodile doesn’t say anything but there’s a strange feeling in his chest, eyes softening as he looks down at the innocent face staring up at him in wonder…- Crocodile doesn’t spend much time around the baby afterwards as he needs to get back to work, but whenever he has a spare moment, Crocodile will drop in from time to time to see how his little one is doing. If it’s asleep, he’ll gently brush his fingers against a soft cheek or smooth down fuzzy patches of hair, smiling as a tiny hand instinctively reaches up to grab him. If it’s awake, he talks to it seriously as though it understands every word he says… there will be no silly baby words coming from his mouth like he’s already caught Daz Bonez doing!- Of course, he’s mindful never to smoke around the baby no matter how badly he craves a cigar. He doesn’t want to pass down bad habits after all.- Despite his fearsome reputation, Crocodile is an extremely patient and observant father when it comes to his little one growing up. He’s very much an old-fashioned parent, stern and serious but even he knows that children need to learn how to behave and doesn’t hold any annoying behaviour against them. He’s a grown man, he’s dealt with worse, Crocodile swears to himself as he ventures into his bedroom after a long day of work… only to find that his last pack of finest cigars have been flushed down the toilet.- Crocodile starts becoming more involved in his child’s life once they’re able to talk and run around. Like it or not, he’s not getting any younger and wants to make the most of this precious time while his child still regards him as the greatest man in their life. He’ll take them on short journeys and business trips to see the world, knowing their life of secrecy has not lent them much in the way of friends or experiences. He can’t help it however, he’s a tad overprotective of his little one and doesn’t want them to realize what an awful place the world can be sometimes…- That being said, his child will have been spanked at least once or twice by their father in their life! Crocodile’s harsh but not an overly strict father, genuinely wanting the best for his child but not at the expense of them becoming a spoiled brat. A single glare from this man’s eyes will send the brat scurrying for cover, knowing he’s not afraid to make due on correcting bad behaviour!- Crocodile’s treatment towards his child tends to be the same regardless of whether he has a son or a daughter. His child is the most precious thing he’ll ever have in his life, his most important legacy in life thus is supportive of their every endeavour. Privately he hopes to have them follow in his footsteps, taking over his business and line of work once he’s too old to manage it himself and will tutor them as much as he can in the meantime, hoping that one day, his little one will grow up to give the Pirate King known as Monkey D. Luffy hell!- Even though he tries his best not to be biased, if he has a daughter, Crocodile’s ever so slightly softer when it comes to her, for she is the only person in the world to have her infamous father wrapped around her little finger!

[neuropathicgypsy]

I've been remembering things... like a normal person... and unlike a normal person and forgetting things also...

I keep remembering when Matt's grandpa saw me at Putt-Putt... at least twice.

The first time he kept touching me while I was playing this kiss the frog game... enough to where I punched him and pushed him nearly down cause he kept touching me behind me where I couldn't see him and then he grabbed my arm that's when I pushed him

Then he acted like nothing happened and asked me how I played the game. I told him I would move and he could play that's when he pushed against me again and I told him to wait and i would move and he said he didn't even want to play he just wanted to know how.

What the fuck was that shit? He walked away cause he was already Hurt cause I didn't look at him Like I play the games he does.

Then I saw him again on Joe's daughter's birthday and he was behind the counter and we had this whole discussion, Joe and I did about who he was and he just kept going off so he then pretended like he was Joe's dad.

He left the same time we did... I was there with my ex husband and daughter in my exhusbands car... I sat in the back seat because we were going to get divorced but I didn't trust him alone with my daughter so we did family things so I could make sure they could be social together and she could be safe.

Then another time in my parents town we went to walmart... which wasn't normal for us and we parked far from the doors and there was plenty of room near the doors... and when we left there was a white rental car parked next to ours but way closer than I felt should be normal... and I was all super paranoid while my kid got in the car and stood on her side of the car while she got in... a lot because she got startled by him... sitting in the car... on a laptop.

I knew it was the same guy I thought was Joe's dad.

But then i saw a photo of Matt's grandpa not too long ago...

Tonight I asked Matt.... are you sure I was pregnant with you kids and it wasn't your grandpa? Cause it really seems like your grandpa is a rapist and I don't remember getting pregnant by you and shouldn't that be something I remember?

I remember getting pregnant with my daughter and I must say it wasn't the best sex in my life and in fact I was quite tired and wasn't really into it but...

But I sense all this general badness wi th my getting pregnant earlier ...

I mean... my mom did get all crazy when she realized I was and we had to call the cops....

And we were in a lot of foster homes...

But it doesn't seem right...

---

His answer is: Matt your gramma will read that..

well it didn't stop him from getting his ass beat when his wife was at the putt-putt with him and their friends. I think she should know the truth about what her husband does. Quit hiding behind children. It also explains why the infants were murdered. Because before I couldn't understand. I've been thinking about it at least once a week for months.

----

So now Matt says we had had sex after I was pregnant, in a new foster Home and I had said "finally the first time we have had sex..." and I was very tired so I didn't finish

Matt thinks he's funny so he says "what?!? Those aren't my kids?!"

And I didn't know what to say because back then, I had amnesia a good portion of the time... I had gotten pregnant in the summer then sent back to my parents house to start school. And i no longer could button my pants and I knew zipping them up part of the way wasn't going to last long and I had to tell my mom I needed new clothes and it seemed like there was some alien weirdness inside me.

So then MATT also likes attention so he called everyone he knew to brag he had had sex.... and his grandpa said something about finding out when the DNA came out whose kids they were, his or his.

And Matt said "what are you telling me, you have been raping my woman?!"

And his grandpa snap hissed, "I told you I had sex with her, didn't i?!?"

He's that old plantation type that comes from negro slaves and that sort although his family was poorer than his wife's, he understood that a "man" got his sex however he pleased and a woman had no right to disobey him. Although if his negros went on strike and didn't do all his work for him, he'd been a poor man with nothing to his name so Idk who he thought he was that his duck was made of gold plated stainless steel cause it sure wasn't anything I'd write home about except to say everyone should stay away from it...

So to this terrible old white man, rape and sex was the same thing. If he was willing then she should be, too. And if she wasn't then she had her own problems that didn't matter to him and never will.

His problems don't matter to me, either. So whatever Matt's gramma has to do, his gramma has to do.

And his gramma has always known. That's why we went to foster care, I'm quite sure.

The story always was that since I was pregnant we had to be removed from the custodial care. Maybe my mom threw a fit but really she didn't and doesn't like me much so idk. But it didn't matter either because my dad had the upper hand being military and my father. And her just being a bitch.

And so the story was since I was pregnant the people we were with (his family and mine) didn't pay enough attention to us for us to be safe.

But we had sex in the foster hones and they knew and that was supposed to be the whole reason we had to be in foster care, because we had had sex.

And we were always placed together.

I know his gramma knew so this ass hole grandpa all saying "your grand MA is gonna read that matt" as if matts grandma's feelings had ever mattered to him is absolutely ridiculous.

"I told you I had sex with her didn't I boy" as an answer to "you raped her" ..... rape culture should never had a place in our history and shouldn't have a place in our future

---

His gramma is all distressed and I'm like what is the problem didn't you go to the lawyer?

And she's all yes I called but he said he can't see me till next week.

I told her do you can just do one online and it's not a big deal.

She says that's what Matt had told her.

So I ask Matt well did you? She seems really worried and he said yeah and you know my grandpa isn't home.

She said that he said he will come home immediately.

(Because obviously his 4th family isn't as important as making sure he gets his money)

So I'm all what's that short little man going to do to you.

She said something I can't quite remember

And I said "oh he's like Matt, he's got that Hagan charm, makes you want to forgive him as if it was that easy"

Then we go on and she can get all th documents to file for divorce quite easily and since his family was poor and her father protective of his daughter and his family assets she could file and leave him with nearly nothing.

Since he's got multiple families across the country I don't see why he should continue to scrounge off her.

Of course he would do the whole verbal abuse calling her a scrooge and all... but really what's worse the truth or manipulation? Always the truth otherwise there would be no manipulation

He is a rapist no one likes. He's a rapist which means he forces people to have sex with him.

She tried to protect me, Matt and babies she probably never met and he calls her a scrooge. Which is absolutely untrue. She sacrificed great grandchildren and her grandchild of a son whom was murdered and still her seriously scrooge manipulation husband had her great grandchildren killed because he didn't want to lose her money.

So since he did that then I think that absolutely she should divorce him and let him call her Scrooge cause the real scrooge is him and he has destroyed many lives for his own greed and to keep wealth that wasn't his.

Instead of allowing his ass to take money for his greed and multiple families and gambling she could create a charity or memorial or scholarships or all of the above and more.

And then we will all know who is really the Scrooge.