#like I can do it but can’t I just write an essay about whales or something

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Stuck in the endless loop of suffering (have so much homework and a migraine)

[skytellar]

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

author note: hiiiii, this is my first postttt and i hope y’all like it and tell me how i diddd. i’ve never posted anything on this app so idrk how to do it very well…. 😟😟😟… anyway this is something i scrapped a few moths ago. okay i’ve been yapping for a while adios.

warnings: not much it’s fluff, OCD, body insecurity, skin color insecurity, academic validation, cussing (duh) (i think that’s all teehee)

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Could life get any worse god. This essay was actually going to be the fucking death of her. 10 pages, 10 pages of nothingness as it felt. She couldn’t help but repeat the same words, was she dumb? Why was this so hard, this normally comes easy, school is supposed to be easy, the one thing she holds on to. How can school be the one thing shes good at, and I still manages to fuck it all up. 2 pages in, and its due in 2 days, what the actual fuck.

All she feel next to her is humming next to her ear as she tries to continue working, as if her brain is short-circuiting or something. She manages to type maybe 2 sentences more, before she bashes her head into her hand out of frustration, she couldn’t possibly get angrier. The hand around her waist squeezes and she turns around. “Baby, please don’t stress. And please don’t do that.” Rafe commented. He put both hands on her hips and pulls her forward to him, he looks at her forehead that she just hit. He kisses her forehead 3 times, he knows that how she likes it. 3 times.

“Maybe take a break hun, you’ve been overworking yourself for probably four hours now.” He pointed out as he rubbed her temple, knowing it would ease her temper and stress. “No, I can’t take another goddamn break. I’m being so fucking lazy. God.” She snaps. She felt as though she had accomplished nothing, this essay was her semester exam and she had a 5.0 GPA because of all of her AP’s.

She would absolutely wreck it if she didn’t get an A+ on her exam for AP Lit. “Baby, you’re the most hardworking person I know. Farthest from lazy, you’ve been working far too long. How about we go for dinner, grab a Baha-Blast from Taco bell on the way back, and you can write 2 more pages when we get back? Okay?” He said it as though it was a demand rather than a question.

She thought for a moment. It made her feel bad rather than better. He was too good for her, he did too much. She didn’t deserve him. He saw her lack of a response, knowing she was probably overthinking it. He looked her dead in the eyes, giving her a “please-i-love-you-so-much-baby” look. “Get dressed okay? Please bug?” He asks, knowing she can’t possibly say no.

“You’re impossible,” she scoffs jokingly as she gets up to get dressed. Rafe does his little victory dance and goes to the closet to pick out clothes. She’s on the opposite side of the closet, picking her dress from her side of the closet. She goes through probably 10 dresses and sighs. She felt like she wouldn’t look good in any of them. She was nothing like the girls he’d had before. She wasn’t blonde. Her eyes weren’t blue. She didn’t have that perfect hourglass figure. And she wasn’t white.

How could she possibly compare? She didn’t even believe he was ever attracted to her, even though he makes sure to let her know probably every hour of the day. Why couldn’t her stomach just be flat. She wasn’t overweight, but she wasn’t the skinniest either. Her body had always been a sore subject, barely wearing any revealing clothing. Hoping no one would notice that Rafe’s perfect girlfriend was a fucking lazy whale. Her hair was also something she wished was never a problem for her. She has really curly hair, which she has to fight a full-fledged battle with everyday for it to look remotely decent, like she actually washes it. Why did she have to be like this, and why did he choose her?

By the time she’s at her peak of her thoughts, two hands wrap around her waist from behind. She looks up at her 6’2 boyfriend who was a foot taller than her. He was already fully dressed and ready, cologne and everything. God he smelled fucking delectable. “Have you picked what you want to wear yet bug?” He asked in a deep tone. Fuck, he was so hot. Why couldn’t she be on his level, or why couldn’t he find anyone better. “Still thinking, none of these look good on me.” After hearing that, he looks down at her wide-eyed, as if he was in shock. “What? Bug what are you on about?” She raises her eyebrow back at him, her eyes saying, “You heard me.”

He lets go of her and backs up, hands in the air, “This is shocking. I don’t think we are thinking about the same person! My girlfriend?” She rolls her eyes in return and says, “Okay, if you’re so sure, pick a good dress for me, smart guy.” He smirks in return, “Game on.” He goes towards the dresses, and looks through them, trying to find something he knows she will like and look amazing in. He finally stops at a long hot pink dress, with spaghetti straps, and a low cut. He bends down to grab some heels to go with it, picking some white pumps. He grabs the outfit and drops it in her hands.

“As I said, easy.” She lightly pushes him and walks over to the side to change. As she picks up the dress she gives him a look. She doesn’t change and just keeps looking at him. He doesn’t get the message, so she has to say it herself. “Um baby, can you leave while I change.” He is taken aback, but silently. She doesn’t catch his reaction but just continues waiting. He just walks over and gives her a big hug, his arms around her waist, “Bug, you’re beautiful. If you think anything less than that, I’ might as well be a scrap of garbage on the street.”

She slightly smiles at his attempt at a joke, he pulls away from the hug and starts to walk out. But she keeps holding onto his hand and says, “Stay, Its okay.” He goes in for a second hug, even tighter than the last and kisses her head. “I love you bug.” And then he quickly pulls away and sits on the bench in the corner of the closet as she begins changing.

She quickly slides off her t-shirt, but keeps on the shorts so she can wear them under the dress. The silky dress finds its way to slither down her body, and she pulls the straps up. The dress hugs her body in all the right places, making her look amazing. The low-cut made her boobs look fabulous, she turns over to rafe and he feels as though defiantly made the right decision with that dress. “Okay, you win” she scoffs. He practically squeals in excitement. She makes her way to their shared bathroom to do her hair.

She picks up the sprayer to wet her hair, he stands behind her, to watch. She begins to brush her hair with the brush. A struggle, but hopefully it would look at least half-decent tonight. She roughly brushes it to get out the tangles, when a hand takes the brush out of her hand. “Damn, you’ll be bald if you keep doing that. ” His deep voice vibrates against her ear. He lightly brushes her hair, somehow taking out the tangles? It was never that easy for her. He was good at this.

After a few more passes, her hair is completely untangled. She rolls her eyes at his victory smile in the mirror. She grabs her curl products and starts putting them in softly, her hair feeling amazing. When she finishes, she begins touching up her makeup, already having some from today. After finishing most of it, the last step is lipstick, best for last. She begins putting on her favorite Anastasia Sugar Plum lipstick, with cherry lip gloss on top.

She turns around to see Rafe still standing there, just watching her. He leans down for a kiss but she rejects it. “Uh-uh, not with my lips done” He rolls his eyes and kisses her cheek 3 quick times. Since she already had her heels and purse, he picked her up bridal style all the way to his car. She loved how he got rid of all of her problems with a look and his show-it-off shiteating grin.

She loved him.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

[theselightsareblinding]

GMMTV 2025 series review

In order of how much I’m looking forward to them:

Ticket to Heaven (GeminiFourth): this combination of actors + director + themes, literally perfection, not much more to say about this series. If this goes right they’ll be doing something big, they have the ingredients to make one of the best BLs ever.

A Dog and a Plane (TayNew): as per usual with TayNew I have so many thoughts about this I could write an essay. There were things I loved about the trailer and things I’m not so sure about yet. It has Tay and New and MarcPoon which were two of the couples I was looking forward to see the most in another series so it’s a yes. And I’m so looking forward to all the bickering and the silliness.

Me and Thee (PondPhuwin): the romcom kings are back yayy. I’m so excited for this, silly shady businessman Pond learning how to flirt? I love it, it suits him so much. I’m so ready to get another 12 episodes of Pond Phuwin just being cute and funny together. And Perth Santa as a bonus? Please let them be a side couple here, I need something to look forward to, to make up for their actual series.

Memoir of Rati (GreatInn): this is exactly what Great Inn deserved, I’m so happy for them. Period dramas are not my favorite but I’ll watch if it’s interesting and this is. They’re going to do such a great job, I’m sure, and I can’t wait to see it.

Burnout Syndrome (OffGun): I feel like I should be more excited about this, I have been waiting for Nuchy to direct a new series for a long time, I’ve putting it on my wishes list every year. I guess when the expectations are too high it’s difficult to meet them. Also I despise love triangles, I can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m watching this, there’s no way I’m not, but I hope the actual series gives me a bit more. I trust Nuchy to do a great job.

This trailer made me realize something regarding official couples. I have my favorites, who I can watch over and over in different series and still want more, like TayNew, JoongDunk… But if it’s one I simply like and they have too many series non stop I end up becoming a bit tired, it happened with EarthMix and I think it’s happening with OffGun too. Dew and Gun ending up together would be a great solution, just saying.

Dare You to Death (JoongDunk): love it, of course I’ll be watching. A bit of role reverse too, with Dunk being the stoic one this time, it’s good to keep things interesting.

My Magic Prophecy (JimmySea): this is when the continuous tarot cards started to get weird, why is this a thing now, is P’Tha into dark magic recently? Are they selling a tarot deck per bl couple? I don’t understand. Apart from that, even if I disliked how Last Twilight ended, one sure thing I got from it is that Jimmy and Sea know how to act well, and this looks great, cohabitation with a bit of fantasy and suspense, perfect.

Melody of Secrets (ForceBook): I was starting to get a bit tired of ForceBook too but their chemistry is so good and this big range change helps a lot too. And I come from watching them in Peaceful Property and I loved them there. I don’t even know what was happening or what is this about but it looked so cool, I’m definitely interested.

That Summer (WinnySatang): Yes. Not my favorite actors but they have improved so much and their chemistry too. I liked the story, the vibes, the beach. Mond’s side couple too.

Love You Teacher (PerthSanta): don’t get me started on this, I wanted to cry when I saw the fucking age regression. Before the trailer I didn’t even think PerthSanta was happening, and I was so happy because I feel like they have so much potential together, and directed by Dome, but then… I can stand children, I can stand amnesia, but Santa being 7 years old?? Why? Watching anyway but scared it’s going to get too weird.

Whale Store xoxo (MilkLove): This looks so cute, the characters suit them. Typical deceiving plot where one of them hides something the whole time (her parents own the supermarket chain that’s going to put the store out of business is what I’m guessing) but I’m not mad at it, if it makes sense to hide it.

Cat for Cash (FirstKhaotung): so cute! What FirstKhao deserve after becoming the official gmmtv high heat couple, to rest and be silly and pet a bunch of cats.

My Romance Scammer (JuniorMark, OhmFluke): I’ve never been an Ohm fan, I’m sorry. Tbh the only one actor I like here is Junior. But the plot looks soo fun, so I’ll probably give them a chance. 

I Love A Lot of You (Nanon): Nanon looks great, I love his acting and I miss him, I’m watching.

Wu (SkyNani): I guess they’re testing the waters, I’m impressed by gmmtv’s quick response on this, I was doubting they’ll be able to prepare an actual trailer for them. I don’t mind romance or bromance, they have chemistry and are good actors so I’m in. And I love stories about fate and red threads.

Girl Rules: I’ll watch everything GL and especially NamtanFilm but the Only Friends style is not my cup of tea. But very happy this exists, I support women’s rights and wrongs. 

Head 2 Head (SeaKeen): so Bad Buddy but they study fashion, and they also race cars? and one of them sees the future? I don’t feel any connection to the couple but at least the plot doesn’t seem boring. It depends, if I don’t have too much to watch when it airs I’ll watch it.

Only Friends 2 (EarthMix, OhmLeng and JossGawin): I don’t think I’m watching this, maybe, if after watching the vampire series I get infatuated with JossGawin. But at the moment none of the couples or the plot interests me.

Mu-Te-Luv: too much happening here, when the official trailer is out I’ll see if it is interesting enough. So maybe.

Boys in Love: I don’t think so, even with Papang Podd in it.

[focsle]

I hate when I…KNOW….a whaling journal talked about something I want to include in an essay but I can’t remember whose or where it happened and there’s no way to really search through someone’s personal 170 year old diary so I just gotta flip through skimming and hoping something will jog my memory.

Anyway….In one an oil cask exploded and splattered over people because, if memory serves, it wasn’t allowed to cool properly. But will I remember the person who said it? Nah!! I wanted to use it in the cutting in essay I’m writing right now to highlight various workplace hazards but…my memory of it is too vague to do so confidently. I can even picture where it was in the journal, yellowed pages, left side, towards the bottom. Fuck if I remember whose journal tho. I even remember being like ‘oh I should transcribe this bit’ in the moment and then I didn’t. O well.

[myarchiveforme]

it feels very significant and important that eaw continuously shows not only junho meeting youngwoo’s needs and respecting her boundaries, but also him communicating his own needs and boundaries and her meeting/respecting them. because if he wasn’t doing that, it wouldn’t be a fair relationship. like yes, she has specific needs and he has to be okay with making maybe more compromises in the relationship, but the writers aren’t shying away from having him be upfront about things that hurt him (running away from him, not considering them official in that preview) or reminding her that his feelings also matter (can you ask if I also want to hang up, how about we set a time to talk about whales bc I’d also like to talk to you about other things). it would be easy to make him a one dimensional character who does nothing but care for her and doesn’t address his own feelings, but that’s not really how people or relationships are. he’s not just blindly accepting things he wouldn’t accept in a relationship with an allistic person, he’s treating her as a whole person who can and should learn from her mistakes. it’s not just sympathy, as his friend so eloquently suggested, it’s a relationship with participation from both sides.

i’m not autistic, so i can’t speak to how the show represents the experience, but i can speak as someone with relationships with autistic people. being willing and able to communicate your own needs and boundaries while respecting those of the other person is such a huge part of any kind of relationship, and I think that showing that communication and not treating youngwoo’s character as too fragile, cold, or unemotional to comprehend someone else’s experience is really rare and important in representations of autism. maybe you do have to explain things you as an allistic person would usually assume to be evident in the subtext (it feels disrespectful to call me just to get what you want and then hang up, it hurts my feelings when you run away from me, it helps me when you tell me stories about your experiences), but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. you’re just helping them connect with you in the same way they help you connect with them, by describing what they’re feeling.

anyway. i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this show and no one to talk to them about. i’ll not write the full essay, but i feel like something this show is doing right is treating youngwoo’s character with enough respect to know that she is capable of being an active participant in her relationships.

[ltwilliammowett]

hello lieutenant! i hope you are well today! i have a question for you; i am hoping it is within your scope of interest, but if not then that is absolutely fine of course. i am currently writing an essay on eighteenth- and nineteenth-century english whalemen, and one of the things i want to discuss is their reputation/public image in comparison with that of sailors. would you happen to know anything about the ways in which sailors/navy men were perceived and how the general public viewed them? was it as negative as it is often described? thank you very much in advance my dear friend! ❤️

Hi,

thanks so far, just got a lot to do. My junior is sick at the moment and I have to finish an article about a bog body.

But to your question. Unfortunately I can't really help you that much, I'm working my way through the whales myself and have bought some books. I can tell you one book that is very good and might help you. It's Sons of the Waves by Stephen Taylor. It describes the sailor in general during the age of sail. Then I have two links here, one is a list of scientific articles that deal with the subject of whalers and whaling in general.

https://scholar.google.de/scholar?q=Whaling+19th+century&hl=de&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart

You can always find a lot there. and then these here

https://www.neh.gov/divisions/research/featured-project/beyond-moby-dick-native-american-whalemen-in-the-19th-century

at the end you will find the New Bredford Museum, which deals with the subject,

http://museumcollections.hullcc.gov.uk/collections/storydetail.php?irn=201&master=425

and here the Museum in Hull, if I were you I would just write to them and ask nicely if they can help you with literature tips or something. And don't worry, museum staff don't bite, they just usually take a little longer to answer. I speak from experience. But if I do find more, I will be happy to send it to you.

Oh, and as for the reputation, yes, it wasn't particularly good in places, but that often had to do with their living conditions. I mean, who is still quite socially adapted when they have spent months if not years living among men like a sardine in a can?

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[autistic-stedebonnet]

ok idk how coherent this is because I finished it at like one in the morning but!

luca is so cute he’s reminding me why I want to teach younger kids for a living😭

the way he just say and blew bubbles????

the one fish chewing on the lady’s hair haha me (also he loves his fish so much)

the way he was daydreaming??? dare I say… neurodivergent?? (honestly his whole family seems neurodivergent too)

can I get some trans luca headcannons? can I PLEASE get some trans luca headcannons

wait alberto is awesome too

“SIR YOU FORGOT YOUR HARPOON” this line is killing me

I love these two

i’m never gonna get over this movie am I

wait having a coherent thought- “relax is this your first time?” “yeah i’m a good kid!”

this hits deep as a queer person

awww and now he can’t stop thinking about it I love him your honor

THE SCARECROW HE MADE IM DYING

he can’t walk😭

I can’t wait for this movie to emotionally destroy me🥲

ok i’m sorry in what world is this not an analogy for the queer experience

“i’m sorry but I really have to go” *two hours later* THEY. ARE NEURODIVERGENT. !!!!!!!!!

his grandma is an enabler and she knows it (in a good way)

“you just have a bruno in your head” n e u r o d I v e r g e n t

(basically i’m queer and neurodivergent and that’s literally all i’m getting out of this)

WILD VESPAS😭😭😭

THE UNCLE IS CREEPY

“and allllll the whale carcass you could eat!!!” N O

grandma knows what’s UP

not them being hyperfixated on vespa man/vespas in general

when adults make fun of kids. and I want to end them forever. because you. don’t. do. that. to. children. ever. 🙃

I love giulia so much😭😭😭

(also neurodivergent we love to see it)

they just want to ride off into the future on their vespa together and I want them to succeed😭

GUILIAS DADDDDDDD (and the cat!!!!)

“we’re great at this humaning stuff” me pretending to be an adult💀

lucas parents on land rip💀💀

ok but ercole is literally just every popular boy in a small high school

NOOOO ALBERTO THINKS HES BEING REPLACEDDDDDD

their training montage is so cute

once again. don’t threaten kids

…i’m not saying their neurodivergent, i’m just saying that i DEFINITELY am and that is literally how I react to espresso (and giving my friends caffeine is also my usual method for getting them to be productive lol)

his parents got a spray bottle😭😭😭

alberto has an adopted dad now we love to see it (also the sibling rivalry dynamic with alberto and guilia

I still love the cat

awww the found family is falling apart SJSKKDKSKSKSKSSMSMS

“risking your life for a vespa?” (hyperfixatingggg)

yep i’m crying. I knew this was going to destroy me

he’s afraid of being abandoned???? his dad?????????? SILENZIO BRUNO?!?!?!😭😭this is destroying me

aksksksskd the whole race scene got me it was amazing🥺

(ALSO HECK YEAH THE FOUND FAMILY!!!!)

sea monster lesbians?!?!??!?!!?!!?!?!

they got their vespa!!!!!!!!!😭😭😭

“some people, they’ll never accept him. but some will. and he seems to know how to find the good ones.” this is about being neurodivergent and queer and found family and accepting people and in this essay I will

(also the best part was all of guilias cheese saints)

I thought I was done but HE SOLD THE VASPA?????? TO BUY LUCA A TRAIN TOCKET TO SCHOOLLLL!?!?!??? 😭😭😭

they love each other so much and i’m not even talking solely romantic love you can just tell that they mean so much to each other and they care so much about each other and it’s so sweet to see true love romantic and platonic in a kids movie like this

AND HIS PARENTS ARE LETTING HIM GO?!!!!!!!

all because of alberto 🥲

it didn’t even occur to luca that alberto wouldn’t go (they love each other)

alberto has a father figure now this is amazing

*insert I see this as an absolute win meme*

“but I can’t do this without you” “but you’re never without me!” 😭😭😭

ok I literally just cried through the last ten minutes without writing anything because this was amazing and it changed my life and now it’s super late and I need to sleep💀 but also the art during the credits was so cute and I will need approximately twelve sequels and three seasons of a tv show literally just of the underdogs living their best life and being happy please and thank you

i love these all so much you’re so right

all the yelling about their neurodivergency is a big fucking mooooood

i love them so so much and reading this was so much fun :D

[mrpenguinpants]

Alrighty it's been a few hours and I'm fully awake so here's the (mostly) coherent response that I promised:

Okay so when you mentioned how the unknown god said “the arrogation of mankind ends now” it made me wonder if we (Aether & Lumine) had a hand in that calamity that destroyed Kaenri’ah? Whether accidentally or on purpose (hopefully w good intentions tho) we triggered the calamity and the unknown god stepped in like “it’s time to STOP” and even though a lot of other factors went into it she kinda scapegoated the outlanders? Maybe our presence was disrupting the balance of the world lol

OH AND WHAT IF THE UNKNOWN GOD USED TO BE KAENRI’AH’S GOD BUT SHE TURNED HER BACK ON THEM AFTER THE CALAMITY??? BC SHE THOUGHT THEY WENT TOO FAR W THEIR ALCHEMY????? MAYBE??????? Did you already mention this I honestly don't remember lmao sorry

But also I’m super intrigued by the fact that the sky is a hoax as Scaramouche said and the possibility that Kaenri’ah is in the false sky 👀 Bc rn we can see Celestia in game as an actual physical place and I wonder if Kaenri’ah used to also be a bunch of floating islands but the calamity yeeted them into space or something lmao? This also just reminded me that in the traveler’s voice overs they mentioned that the day/night cycle in Teyvat is much shorter than in their world (and ofc we can see that clearly in game) and idk if that was just a hand-wavey way to incorporate this game mechanic into the lore or if it’s actually significant but maybe it means something????? Like idk the calamity fucked up time in Teyvat or something????

Idk I’m word vomiting rn I said I’d write a coherent response once I’m awake but turns out I just can’t be coherent in general lmao

HELLO! IT’S BEEN A FEW DAYS BECAUSE I’M SUPER BAD AT REPLYING ON TIME BUT I’M HERE NOW! TUMBLR WON’T LET ME REPLY TO COMMENTS BUT I AGREE WITH WHAT U SAID ABOUT CHILDE. HE’S SUCH A ONE BRAINCELL DUMBASS BUT HE’S MY DUMBASS. [nvm tumblr fixed itself] I am holding onto his boss fight so I can beat him into submission with Xiao. I AM SO EXCITED FOR FEB 3. IT’S TOMORROW!!! 

---

Okay, not gonna lie, I really want Aether and Lumine to be horrible people lol. Not in a sense that we caused the calamity in order to wipe out humans with evil intentions, but Aether and Lumine are really sheltered in a sense. Since it’s only been the two of them and they don’t seem to stick around in the same world. Lumine doesn’t appear to have a lot of feelings and hangs around the abyss order while Aether seems to be gaining human emotion (since he basically had a mind reset) and that could be why Dainsleif issued his whole “prove to me that you are fit to save her”. Since he’s super into humanity and hates the Gods. That kinda stuff. But this is me spitballing and wanting everything to be sad haha. 

Yo, I wanna see that. The unknown god spitting metaphors and flowery language just to say “yo wtf are you doing, it’s time to STOP.” I definitely believe in our presence was disrupting the balance since Lumine says something like “outlanders don’t belong here” or something like that. Plus all the shit that happened with Aether throughout the story. Saving Dvalin and sealing Osial. 

YES. YES. I’M TOTALLY ON BOARD WITH THAT THEORY THAT THE UNKNOWN GOD WAS THE KAENRI’AH GOD. I love those tragic “I used to be the good guy but due to unfortunate circumstances it’s time to stab a bitch” (yo what a status. This is my status now). But I completely believe that Khemia was what caused the calamity. Or even, okay back to me spit balling even tho this isn’t really a theory (and I don’t think this is how genshin is going to go but my brainworms are taking over), since Khaenri’ah was an archoneless land, that doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t gods the same way Liyue has adepti’s right? We don’t know what region Khaenri’ah is yet (at least I think) since Liyue is China and Mondstadt is Germany so I can’t say anything about folklore and what not. But each region so far has some sort of celestial being that isn’t an archon but still protects that specific piece of Teyvat. So what if the unknown god was technically a god, might have been the archon, but perhaps Lumine and Aether dislike the gods and tried to teach the people of  Khaenri’ah how to like, rise above or whatever, but that whole situation backfired and started the calamity. And the unknown god was just this whole, misunderstood situation the same way with the salt goddess in Liyue. Havria? I think that’s her name. That could explain why she went after the two siblings and said the whole, arrogation of mankind. 

Scaramouche you fucking bitch, explain to me in english what you mean!! Why are you leaving me off on a cliffhanger;; Stupid gremlin smh, I say this but as soon as I see his banner I’m gonna whale for him even though I hate using castors. I’m gonna finally use Mona and Lisa when I get him haha. That is very true tho, I believe Khaenri’ah is the false sky or it has something to do with the sky. YEETED THEM INTO SPACE LOLLL. This kinda reminds me of the gbf lore and the crimson horizon. Basically the gbf main story takes place above the clouds and the crimson horizon is what separates gbf with the “main world”. The main world went to shit so that’s why everyone now lives in the sky. It would make sense since the calamity turned everyone into monsters.  

Honestly, I can see it being some sort of hint because genshin is lowkey really bad at subtly hinting at things (COUGH ZHONGLI AND ALBEDO COUGH). Or it could just be a nod to irl people and the day night cycle but who knows. I feel like Venti or Zhongli would say something about it since the calamity started, Mondstadt went to go and help and honestly, the timeline of Khaenri’ah is so fucked. Either way, Scaramouche was on musk reef which does lead to the spiral abyss and time doesn’t act naturally there either so there might be some connections but who knows haha. 

Nah nah, I live for this kinda stuff. Don’t worry about being coherent because I’m never haha. Honestly, theory lore stuff needs to be more “slapping the whiteboard as I look at you with my sleep deprived eyes” instead of “this is my 20 page essay detailing the quantum mechanics of fictional characters”. 

[iwanttobeyourwonderwoman]

I can barely breathe when you are near.

I’m just gonna say I totally loved the show. Mad love. 

And in case you haven’t figure it out yet, or watched the show to get it, I’m talking about Ginny and Georgia. 

So many important topics touched on so many feelings and oh so many love triangles.

So join me as i dissect the whole show hehe .

Alright basic plot-

Young single mom Georgia and her teenage daughter Ginny, and younger son Austin, are always on the road and have now moved across the country to the small town of Wellsbury, Massachusetts from Texas, where they encounter a whole load of quirky characters. Ginny, who never had friends, slowly starts fitting in with the popular sophomores, mainly her neighbour Maxine, who also has a twin brother Marcus while Georgia befriends their mother Ellen. The series follows their attempts and struggles of fitting in with the town, all while developing their own love triangles (square in Georgia’s case). And the best part is, the unfolding of Georgia’s dark past filled with teen mom struggles and a little bit of murder mystery as to how she has gotten to where she is now. 

Teen mom and daughter combo again? Been there done that!

Well yes, as everyone compares it to Gilmore Girls (my personal favourite show ever) here are some similarities and differences as well as other show references.

*SPOILERS!!

It does explore that close relationship that Ginny and Georgia have, but obviously the kind of bond that Rory and Lorelai had were a lot stronger and had their own personal quirks and wit. There were often rifts in G&G’s relationship caused by the secrets of Georgia’s past as well as Ginny feeling inferior to her own mother in terms of looks and her ability to be a chameleon to fit in anywhere. Rory was more focused on her grades and was comfortable just having her few friends. Ginny on the other hand wanted to be liked and wanted to fit in with her school friends and eventually becomes part of MANG and the boys. And in the case of the mothers, Lorelai focused on raising Rory and worked her way up to eventually owning her own Inn while Georgia snuck and tiptoed her way around swindling money wherever she could but all in the best intentions of her kids more than herself, desperate to give her kids the life she never had. 

Also in a way I feel like this is also similar to Jane the Virgin except of course Jane’s character is older, but if you take the standpoint of the mother-daughter relationship and love triangle(Jane/Rafael/Michael) as well as a little psychotic Murder mystery Petra vibes.

, I feel like G&G is a good mix of Gilmore and JTV.

When it comes to love interests, Ginny was stuck between boyfriend Hunter and neighbour Marcus. Sweet, innocent Hunter (my favourite character in the whole series because if you know me you’d know I’m a hopeless romantic) was pretty much Dean to Rory, while cool skater and stoner guy Marcus was Jess. And honestly I see a similar trend here where most people are Team Jess/Marcus whereas I’m team Dean/Hunter for the main fact that Dean and Hunter both treated the girls really good and I like that. 

Georgia, as I mentioned was more of in a love square than a triangle, because why the hell not right? There’s Joe, the owner of the cafe where everyone spends most of their time, then there’s Mayor Paul, who Georgia pushes her way to work for to get on his good side. And then of course, Zion, Ginny’s father. Sounds a lot like Luke, Jason and Christopher doesn’t it. I love that Joe had a more interesting and different story, where it was depicted in the flashback scene where homeless young Georgia, just found out she was pregnant at a gas station and comes out to a crowd of high schoolers, which is when she meets Joe. She says to him  “I’ll look you up if I’m ever in Wellsbury” Joe was already attracted to her as a teenager and doesn’t realise it’s the same Georgia he met years ago till the last episode whereas Georgia has known all this while. I don’t know about you but I feel like now Georgia has the funds to move to somewhere she aspired to be, where she knows her kids will get the best and where she received “a sandwich and a pair of raybans that changed my life” Also let me just add that Raymond Ablack (Joe) is INCREDIBLY HOT.

Moving on to Paul, Georgia is attracted to him but there is that underlying greed because Paul can provide her stability and security and power. And that is when she will finally feel like she has achieved wheat she needs to. Towards the end, she almost chooses Zion because of her deep affection for him as ‘her penguin’ as she refers to him as. Being with Zion also means she can let her guard down and relax a little, and obviously is a great father to Ginny and even Austin who isn’t even his biologically. Which also makes both guys equally good contenders for Georgia. 

Another thing I love about the show is MANG. Their friendship is real, it’s not just Abby and Norah accepting Ginny because of Max. Yes Abby did throw her under the bus in the beginning but they soon became really close and never singled her out after the shoplifting incident. It wasn’t a whole case of Regina George and the plastics all over again. They didn’t care that she was different. 

So I feel like Abby is a very interesting character also. I read that her character was created based on a friend of the writer. So abby puts up a very strong front when actually she is feeling quite distraught from her parents ongoing divorce as well as her own issues with body image. Abby is very petite but still is not satisfied with her body so she tapes her thighs to make them look smaller and wear tight jeans so that she can look slimmer. I the Halloween episode, Press even calls her “whale legs” and she obviously gets upset and you can see it affects her because she’s striving for such a perfect image all the time but also I feel like she has a thing for Press so that really messes her up. You can also see she does get a little jealous of Ginny and Max’s friendship but that’s mainly because she feels lonely and unheard and she ends off being estranged from Norah and Max feeling like her whole world crumbled. I really hope MANG gets to patch up. They were the ideal friend group along with the guys.

“Oppression Olympics, let’s go.”

I don’t know guys, this line really stood out to me.

Basically this is the scene in episode 8 where Ginny and Hunter argue about racism and why Ginny deserved to win that writing contest with her unique style (girl used slam poetry for goodness sake that essay was amazing!!??) But Hunter won and he is clearly the favourite of their teacher. He talks about how he is half Taiwanese and the Asian stereotypes he faces here as well as the White remarks he gets from the Asian side of his family. Ginny too says she can’t fit in because she is half Black and how this town had a very small black population and people are not sure how to look at her. I feel like touching on these topics of race was really vital to not only the show but to the actors as well. From the bts, I read that Antonia (Ginny) and Mason (Hunter) were in a room with the writer and jus spoke about the kind of remarks they have personally faced which helped develop the argument scene because it was so real and raw and quite upsetting to watch. It’s something very relatable to the audience which also just amplified that whole episode overall. 

I mentioned earlier my favourite character is Hunter. I admit I have a major crush on both the actor and the fictional character. Ok so I think Hunter was a great character, a very good boyfriend too, I mean look at the way he cared for Ginny, supported her, just that unfortunately she was more attracted to Marcus in the end but also that ugly oppression olympics fight just gave his character more depth to show that Hunter wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. I think girls watching the show deserved to see what a good guy looked like. He was smart, in a band, a very caring boyfriend, popular but not cocky. If you compare to let’s say the character if Peter Kavinsky, I think Hunter made a better boyfriend. DO i also think Kavinsky is a damn dream boat? Of course I do. but then again, I thought John Ambrose was a much better guy in the TATB series. Kavinsky was originally dating another girl before the whole fake couple thing started. Whereas going back to Hunter, he already admired Ginny from the first episode and stayed truly respectful until the end of the show. And that’s something girls should see and aspire to have.

Yes I loved the song I loved the fact that he sang it for her, I am such a hopeless romantic and I absolutely hate that poor Hunter/Mason has been getting a lot of backlash for the song/character. I’ve rewatched a lot of the Hunter/Ginny scenes multiple times just because. Hunter was a good guy. Period. 

So looking forward, I think a lot of important topics were touched in this show, slightly different from let’s say 13 Reasons Why, and I hope that they can continue to delve into those stories such as racism,self harm, body image and so on which really hit home for me. Important discussion topics, important for kids to see like oh hey this character is kinda like me, and if they are facing these issues, how can they get through it?

Also I need answers to all my questions - Where did Ginny go? How does Georgia get away with everything? Will MANG get back together? Does Abby have a deeper story to tell? Do Marcus and Ginny end up together? AND WHAT ABOUT MY POOR BBY HUNTER??? Lots of unanswered questions, lots of stories to dig deeper into, and so many secrets. I loved the mother l-daughter relationship, the same way I loved Lorelai and Rory’s relationship too.

I obviously totally enjoyed the show, I’ve recommended it to many friends and I hope they enjoy it as much as I do, and get more people on my Hunter Chen bandwagon hahahaha! Let’s hope for a season 2!!

Another super long post, finally done. I can move on to watching other shows now (and still constantly wish I too had cool stuff like Sophomore sleepover)

Hate you, kidding! Love you, mean it!

(just gonna leave these here because why not????)

[cameoamalthea]

So About the Traveler: Critical Role C2E103

“How can I be cruel? That is for mortals.” But then she did raise her eyes, and they were great with sorrow, and with something very near to mockery. She said, “So is kindness.” - Peter S Beagle “The Last Unicorn”.

In lore and media, including Dungeons and Dragons, immortal beings whether called “immortals” or “fey” are not bound by the same sense of morality as mortals. Indeed, some interpretations posit they lack the same capacity to feel the same emotions as mortals do. These beings are by their very nature different and alien. 

The Archfey is an immortal. They are ancient and yet, ever young. A contradiction. They cannot lie and are bound by any promise they make, but are very good at wording things carefully or withholding what they’d rather not say. They are not to be trusted. They are not safe. They can be good, and Artagan falls squarely on the good side for a fey.

The key words being “for a fey”. 

Fey generally lack empathy, which makes sense for the short lives of mortals are nothing compared to their eternal existence. They can be killed, but they do not simply end and pass away the way mortal things do. So there is a question as to how much a fey can value mortal lives at all. 

Still, Artagan makes it clear he does not want to hurt his followers. He rejects killing them when Jester brings it up. He sees leaving them to join the Island cult where they will be happy as a viable solution for the ones he dislikes. Which is actually fairly merciful considering fey do not value mortals in general and can easily destroy the lives of any who offend them. That does not make it ok by normal ethical standards, but it is important to realize that it is his nature not to have normal ethical standards. 

Artagan seems to be primarily motivated by doing whatever amuses him. Trick a bunch elves into worshiping a dead whale because it’s funny? Sure. Respond to someone claiming they can’t die by requesting to kill them just to see what happens and see what it’s like, just for the heck of it. It is likely he has never cared about anything other than his own self-interest and personal enjoyment. He has certainly never cared for a mortal.

Yet, he cares for Jester but cannot understand what she cares about.

He sees she is crying and does not like that, but doesn’t understand why she’s scared.  

He does not understand why asking her to lead a lot of people to a place that is home to a dangerous monster that will erase their memories and turn them into willing slaves would upset her. 

He understands when she expresses fear for herself; because he understands that. And he is quick to assure her that he wasn’t going to give her to the monster. And again, fey cannot lie. Artagan does value Jester but does not value mortals in general.

For Jester the question is ‘how do I know you wouldn’t do that to me’

Whereas to Artagan it’s as obvious as how can someone keep animals as pets and still eat meat.

One is cute 

One is food

It’s not a question that you could truly love your pet chicken and also love some BBQ wings. The same animal, but one is valued.

Jester is valued, and there is a question as to whether a fey can value a mortal as more than a human might value a pet or what if any capacity fey have to love anyone. That said, he is genuine in his affection for her. He did not intend to hurt her (he still did - he absolutely did) and honestly did not mean to put her through any heartache. 

Some would describe this behavior as “creepy” or even as “gaslighting”. (And if this narrative is triggering because the character’s actions remind you of an abuser that is 100% valid. This essay is exploring only the actions of this character in the context of analyzing the fictional portrayal of an imaginary magical being).

While creepy is subjective I do not believe he is malicious so much as heartless (another quality of fey). He does not understand caring about other people so he honestly could not foresee that the fact he would do this would feel like a betrayal to Jester. He does not have the empathy to understand why he has hurt her and instead tries to explain his perspective honestly and assure her that she is safe (which she is safe with him, at least insofar as he will not intentionally hurt her - the problem is this dumbass doesn’t understand how he’s hurting her).

So while I understand the impulse to say “He made Jester cry KILL HIM”. 

He is not lying when he never intended to leave her on the island or when he assured her that she is his favorite person. He also freely makes a promise to her, which is binding and not something a fey would give lightly. 

So now- Now he cannot ever leave her. He will keep her safe and her friends safe. That’s a big deal. And there’s nothing in it for him aside from her happiness. He paints the moon itself to make her smile.

He is a powerful, alien, chaotic neutral fey and he adores Jester.

The question is then will Jester love him after this. Will she be able to have a close relationship with him now that she understands his lack of empathy. Even when he is sorry all he can say is he’s sorry she feels hurt (because he doesn’t want her hurt) but he cannot truly apologize and take responsibility for hurting her. (I’m sorry you feel hurt vs I’m sorry I hurt you). 

He can’t take responsibility for anything. He is carefree and free from the ability to care. Mortals care, mortals can love and regret. They can understand hurting someone else and take responsibility for that rather than focusing on the consequences that relate to their own feelings (I don’t like that you feel hurt because I care, so I am sorry for that).

Note: In real life, in humans, we call this behavior toxic. To focus on yourself and not emphasize with others and your impact on them is harmful.

And Jester grew up with Artagan. He is not a “child groomer” as some have accused. He was a child with her. However, once she became an adult he dropped the polymorph and became a fey again. Jester grew up. Artagan can’t grow up, because he’s a fey. He is still and will forever be as selfish and unthinking as a child. 

Jester isn’t anymore and she may outgrow Artagan unless his affection for her can make him grow as a person. However, Jester is not at the point where she is able to call him out or push him to change. She is understanding ‘I know you wanted to get rid of followers’ she doesn’t want to judge. When he complains about the headache of dealing with ships she joked about some of them dying.

However, the Traveler does not join on that joke. He doesn’t want them to die. He has learned to enjoy doing good and to care somewhat for people in general - which is notable given that he is a fey and caring isn’t in his nature. 

Jester has made him a better person. He did grow up with her for a time. He was mortal with her then and grew and, I think, learned to feel love for her. To be her best friend. 

But he has a long way to go to be a good friend; if he can even get there. Either way, it will be an interesting story to watch play out. An interesting dynamic. An interesting take on a fey that Matt has done a wonderful job writing as truly inhuman. 

Footnote:

1) For further reading on the nature of fey/magical creatures, please see this post on “The Last Unicorn”

2) Why are these chickens so cute you guys???

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

First: Congratulations, doctor! Second: Ignoring the benefits to the plot/creating tension, does it make sense to you that morphing takes multiple minutes to do? It always seemed to me that it should be an instant thing. Like teleportation in Star Trek, it doesn't seem like it should take that long to move/build matter.

First: Thanks!

Second: It makes sense to me as a writer, even if the physics are nonsensical.

I think that having the morphing be That Gross and That Involved is a deliberate decision on K.A. Applegate’s part, one that actually frees up a lot more plot options than instantaneous change would.  Sanderson’s Second Law, part of Brandon Sanderson’s essay series on writing, holds that limitations are more interesting than powers.  Giving a character omnipotence is boring, because there goes all the plot tension and all potential for future struggles for your protagonists.  Making your character the smartest person alive is just as boring, because either the character makes such smart decisions that they avoid all problems and nothing happens, or the character makes decisions that lead to problems and plots but leave the audience going “how did the smartest person alive screw up in the first place?”  Creating a power with huge drawbacks is far more interesting, as is having a character be skillful in some areas and incompetent in others.

Morphing beautifully aligns to Sanderson’s Laws of Magic.  It’s fairly easy to understand: touch an animal, then focus on that animal and turn into it.  It’s got clear but insurmountable limitations: can’t go from one morph to another, morphing takes several seconds, can’t control how the change happens, two hours and you’re stuck.  It’s internally coherent and used in hundreds of different ways: as transport, as a weapon, as a cartography tool, as a way to cheat on homework, as an alternative therapy.  The Animorphs gain exactly one “magical” ability in the first third of the first book, and add no further “magic” beyond expanding their repertoire of animal shapes through the end of the series.

And it’s cool.  It’s so freaking cool.  And I think that the time delay in between shapes is part of what makes it so cool.

For instance, think about the end of MM1.  A lot of people have mentioned loving that final sequence, and I entirely agree.  Cassie falling from the sky as a roach-girl-whale after Tobias flew her out over the ocean is nail-biting tense because we know that she might not have enough time to get to whale shape before she hits the water.  It’s incredibly cool because we’ve seen enough moments with other Animorphs struggle to switch shapes to know that this is something only Cassie could do, but that even then it’s at the limits of her ability.  It works because we as the reader understand how morphing works — Cassie can’t just start as a whale, Cassie can’t skip the step where she’s human, Cassie has to time the veleek’s attack perfectly — and thus understand the sheer scale of the risk involved.  It works because we feel the emotional weight of Cassie struggling to push through exhaustion and fear and self-doubt enough to concentrate and make the change.  If Cassie can instantaneously go from roach to whale, even if she has to spend half a second as a girl in between, that scene isn’t tense and thus isn’t awesome.

That’s just one example.  The morph time becomes a plot point when opponents deliberately time their attacks for the vulnerable moment between shapes: Jake does it to David in #21, Taylor to Tobias in #33, and David to Rachel in #48.  The knowledge of that delay in morph time forces Tobias to teach himself some cool techniques with partially free-falling as he morphs in midair from hawk to seagull, and timing his landing as he’s going from hawk to human in order to hit the ground running.  Morph time becomes a way to convey character mood, and to tie character and plot together: Marco morphs more slowly when panicked in #3 and #21, Rachel morphs extra fast when riled up in #7 and #32, Ax morphs awkwardly as a reflection of his own discomfort with his identity in #46, etcetera.

Morphing is fairly nonsensical according to the rules of physics, but it works extremely well as a way to convey the plot and characterization and themes of the series.  And the time delay definitely serves that purpose as well.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Teddy bear jake turns 🤜🤜 yes please

CW: some vague references to past pet whump/dehumanization, some degrading language

This is a direct continuation from this drabble about Jake taking Chris to classes with him for a day.

Jake sits on a bench holding the zip-up in his lap, watching Chris sink gracefully down to kneel in the grass. He’s in the back, watching the instructor at the front of the free yoga class they do in the grassy spot next to the Student Center with rapt attention. 

Jake can’t do yoga to save his life - he’s all weight-lifting for stress relief Still, Chris had been so fucking excited when he’d seen everyone setting up - this is, is just like-like-like the videos at my Sir’s, Jake! Like classes in training, like, this is just like- that Jake couldn’t possibly have said no. So he’s just watching, leaning back against the wooden slats on the bench, as the young rescue blows every other student in the class out of the water.

Some of them look sidelong at Chris, he thinks, but they don’t say anything. And Jake wouldn’t tell, them, anyway. Yeah, look, he’s flexible as shit for the worst possible reasons and let’s just let him have this good thing today, okay?

Jake is technically working on notes for an essay in one of his classes, on the unique healthcare needs of older human pets still trapped in the system and ways to fix their lowered life expectancies, and finds himself scribbling JUST STOP HURTING THEM SO FUCKING MUCH in angular, angry writing where he’d meant to write something about a need for increased access to antibiotics.

He decides to take a break and just watch Chris, instead. He’s been moving with perfect grace through every pose, and Jake can’t quite take his eyes off him. It’s… disturbing, to know why he’s so good at this, and know at the same time that doing it makes Chris so deeply content.

“Remember that modification to your personal level of comfort is encouraged,” The instructor is saying, as the students move out of the last set of poses. She’s a woman with a long black braid and a soft, soothing, deep voice. “We have a few of our advanced students today, and we’re going to move into kapotasana, or King Pigeon Pose. Beginners, please focus on Cobra pose, and hold. Intermediate, I’d like to see a Bridge pose held deeply. Let’s begin.”

Chris is kneeling, balanced so his head is directly above his knees, as though a straight line had been drawn right through, hands against the back of his pelvis. He watched the instructor as she moves, and follows her low methodical commands.

Jake watches him inhale and tuck his chin, leaning head and shoulders back but keeping his hips perfectly still. His shoulders move under his loose long-sleeved shirt in a way Jake can’t really tell. He’s glad for the shirt having those thumb-holes in it, or Chris could never have done yoga without risk.

Chris brings his palms together in front of his sternum, a small smile on his face, and then pulls them apart, reaching over his head, his back bending as he arches backwards with his hips moving slowly forwards. He drops back, and he’s bent totally backwards, palms on the floor with his fingertips pointing towards his feet.

Jakes eyebrows raise nearly to his hairline.

Chris inhales one more time, then slowly exhales and presses his shins and forearms against the floor, shifting his hands until he can grip his own feet, his body a perfect arch with his head resting on the ground, strawberry blond against the grass. 

For a full thirty seconds, Jake stares at Chris holding a pose that Jake couldn’t even begin to touch, not with weeks of yoga, probably not with months. But Chris’s willowy body seems to hold it effortlessly.

How much time do they spend on yoga? Flexibility exercises? All so those sick fucks can watch-

The thirty seconds is up, and Chris walks his hands back away from his feet, breathing slowly as he pushes his torso back upright on the inhale. It’s all graceful, it looks so easy and effortless. 

Jake’s back hurts in sympathy, even though he knows Chris won’t hurt at all.

“Good,” The instructor praises, and Chris flushes deeply even though she isn’t really speaking directly to him. Jake watches him mouth good boy to himself, and shudders. 

There’s a question he won’t ask, about just how Chris had to do his exercising before.

The teacher takes them into Child’s Pose for a few breaths to relax, moves on, and Jake goes back to his notes - scribbling nonsense to himself, not even thinking. Before long the class is laid out in the final pose, just lying down really, the one that always made Jake fall asleep when he used to do yoga sometimes at the gym.

“Now that’s some sexy shit,” He hears someone say nearby, ad turns his head slightly to see a couple of guys his own age looking over the class. “They shouldn’t even let them do this shit out here. That’s inappropriate.”

The guy next to him laughs, and Jake’s fingers tighten slightly around the papers in his hands. 

“That hot one at the back, watching that was basically porn,” The first one says, and they both laugh again. Jake’s fingers tighten more. They’re talking about someone else, he tells himself. They’re talking about someone else. 

Not that that’s better, but if it’s Chris-

“Jake!” 

The class must be over - Chris is standing in front of him, flushed and a little sweaty and smiling, grass stains on his knees and a bright, pleased sparkle in his eyes. Jake looks up at him and smiled, too, moving to gather his things. 

“Jake, Jake, I did, I did all the poses even the hard ones, I still, I can still do them, Jake.”

“I know you can, man. You’re amazing as always.”

He pushes himself to standing, ruffling Chris’s hair, watching him melt under the affection.

“Hey.” One of the assholes from before gets Jake’s attention. “Hey, aren’t you the guy who hands out flyers downtown? The guy who got arrested protesting?”

Jake rolls his eyes, slipping his backpack over one shoulder, feeling the familiar heavy weight and wondering how old he’ll be before wearing a backpack stops feeling as natural as breathing. “Yeah, congrats, that was me.”

“What’d you get arrested for?” The second guy asks, then turns to his buddy. “What’d he get arrested for?”

“I don’t know, some Save the Whales bullshit.”

“The whales are fine,” Jake grinds out, keeping his voice calm, feeling Chris press against his side in an instinctive bid to calm the rising tension. “It doesn’t matter what I got arrested for. It was like six hours in jail, they didn’t even hold me.”

Most of us who protest end up with more than that.

“Jesus. It’s like it doesn’t even bother you.”

“It really doesn’t.” Jake shrugs. “Now, look, me and my cousin need to get to my next class, okay?” He tries not to look down at Chris. He tries not to wonder whether or not Chris had held onto his act or if he’s looking up at Jake with the trusting puppydog eyes that give him away.

He can feel Chris’s fingers doing the weird little twist, tapping against Jake’s side. Nat calls it a stim, something about calming him, said to let him do it. But Jake tries to make sure they don’t notice. 

“Yeah, okay, King Badass. Keep on fighting the good fight, or whatever.” They grin, and wave at Chris, who tentatively waves back. Jake steps slightly in front of him. “Jesus, dude, okay. We’ll leave your little boyfriend alone.”

“I’m his cousin,” Chris pipes up, right on cue. “I’m, I’m, I’m Christopher Garner-”

“Hush, Chris, you’re fine.” Jake fixes an even stare on the two other guys, who seem to shrink back a little, as if suddenly realizing for the first time just how tall and big Jake is. “Back. Off”

“Jesus. Guy reminds me of this asshole at this fucking house party I went to, following some freshman or something around all night fucking growling at anyone who talked to him. Dude was real fucking possessive, too, he wouldn’t let any of us mess with him.”

“Dude. That wasn’t a freshman.” Second guy turns to look at the first. “You didn’t notice the thing around his neck?”

Jake closes his eyes, briefly, as he sees red. As Chris, next to him, jerks in a hitched breath when he understands - faster than anyone - what they’re talking about.

I didn’t want him to know about this, that it’s not safe even here.

“It was dark. What thing around his neck?”

“You know.” Second guy twirls one finger around by his Adam’s apple in a vague gesture. “You know, dude. Like, you know… but for people?”

At least you two have the grace to be too ashamed to fucking say it.

“Was it at a goddamn frat house?” Jake asks, and Chris’s tapping against his side speeds up, his eyes get bigger, impossibly huge, impossibly vulnerable and worried. 

“What?”

“The party. Was it over on Greek Row?”

“Uhhhh maybe, I was pretty trashed before we even got there, but-”

“You know what. Never fucking mind. Just… fuck off. Unless you want the flyer, I got places to be.” Jake walks away, half-dragging Chris behind him, and the two guys watch him go, baffled.

“Jake, um, hey, hey Jake, hey hey hey-”

“Not now, Chris,” Jake says, heavily. “I just… shit, man, I just wanted this to be good for you for once-”

“Can, can, can I come back?”

Jake stops, and Chris stumbles to a stop beside him. “What?” He looks down at the brilliant green eyes that stare right back. Chris, unbelievably, is fucking smiling.

The moment of worry, of fear, of indecision and nervousness immediately forgotten.

“I want, um, I want to come back and do, do, do do more yoga, can I come back for yoga? Please?”

They do yoga on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays by the Student Center. Jake is only on campus for the Wednesday classes, but… it won’t cost that much more in bus fare, really. And it’d only be a couple of hours...

“Yeah,” Jake says, and feels his mood lighten. “Yeah, Chris. We can do that. I can study on that bench while you’re exercising. I bet Antoni and Leila will come with us, too.”

Fucking rescue field trips, twice a week. Fucking perfect.

Weirdly, the thought has him smiling.

“You’re not worried about those guys? People like them? About the, um-”

That’s it’s here, too? That you can’t escape it?

“No.” Chris shrugs, thin shoulders moving under his shirt, and folds his arms in front of himself. “Not, not, not worried about them. You’ll be here, so, so I feel safe.”

Jake sighs.

If only he could believe he could keep them that way.

“Yeah, okay. Come on, let’s get to class.”

[inkykeiji]

ME TOO CLARI ME TOO my fav thing to do is making someone watch a film that i’ve enjoyed nd observe their reaction all the time hehehe i watch their reactions more than the actual movie pffft

moving onto ur fav film list, your fav film list made me SO happy!! i was so excited to see that most of them were films i’ve watched&wholeheartedly enjoyed ( ^ω^ ) FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATING THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS YES!! whenever i mention anderson everyone talks ab the grand budapest hotel so im so happy to see u enjoyed the royal tenenbaums 🥺 also omg u watched burning?!? isn’t it such an amazing film <3 also reservoir dogs and little women and spirited away and ahh i could go on and on forever ab ur list but this ask would be a whole essay so i’ll force myself to hold in cri cri

horror movies are so fascinating aren’t they!!! i love em sm too <3 ari aster n jordan peele r my fav favs when it comes to horror. +the shining and scream! i enjoyed the conjuring series as well :) wait can i drop u a rec, since u love horror i totally recommend a tale of two sisters by kim. one of my all time favs&i have a strong feeling u would love it too! that film has such beautiful cinematography as well (✿╹◡╹)

ahhh my fav films r like, all over the place cuz i don’t have a strong preference/taste, but some of my fav films (that aren’t mentioned above/in ur list) include jojo rabbit-waititi, the florida project-baker, dazed and confused-linklater, moonlight-jenkins, girl interrupted-mangold, your name-makoto, mid90s-hill, lady bird-gerwig, uncut gems-safdie and etc etc so many more but i feel like im oversharing hehehe i also love action movies too but that’s a whole different discussion ;)

honestly u can recommend me anything u want cuz my taste is all over the place like i said, but to narrow it down, hmmm 🤔 is there a movie that u think is a must-watch? or genre-wise, maybe horror/action/drama/coming of age!! love u so so much clari<33 how is tumblr allowing me to write this much huh -🐰

ehehehe okay i’m gonna answer under the cut because i knoooow i’m gonna ramble

RIGHT and like idek why i guess i just love sharing the things i love with the people i care about and observing how they feel about it???

AHAHAHA YESSSSS oh my gosh i love the royal tenenbaums so much!! like my favourite wes film is either fantastic mr fox or rushmore, but yes!! grand budapest is rly pretty tho and i think that’s why so many people gravitate towards it yk? I DID WATCH BURNING actually i was super lucky and got to watch it at TIFF before it ‘officially’ premiered + there was a lil q&a with the cast and director (w a translator ehehe) but it absolutely blew me away. i’m just in love with korean cinema as a whole. i have yet to watch a korean film that i don’t like!!

little women is just !!!!!!! i love greta so much and i can’t wait to see what else she creates; i just feel like greta is a woman director creating films FOR WOMEN. does that make sense??? well-known women directors are already so sparse, but there are some (ie bigelow) who create uhhhhhh films that cater more towards men and the masses??? and that’s not to say that bigelow isn’t a fantastic director, because she IS, but i really like sofia coppola and greta gerwig because their films are so feminine and focused on feminine issues and relationships that we really don’t see on widespread/popular screens (like at first run theatres ie multiplexes).

RESERVOIR DOGS AAAAAAAH listen listen i have A Thing for mr. blonde ehehehe yeah i really love quentin, as i mentioned. whenever someone says pulp fiction is his best film i really have to refrain from rolling my eyes, and i know that makes me sound like suuuuch a snob but like,,,,,,,,,, pulp fiction is his most popular film, not his best (in MY opinion!! since art is all personal opinion yk etc etc). and like i could go on forever about him, i love every single one of his films, i think he’s such a fantastic writer and just aaaaah <333333 love quentin’s work so so so much.

ARI ASTER AND JORDAN PEELE ARE FANTASTIC. i wrote an essay on get out and it was literally one of my favourite essays to write!! i’m really really really excited to see what both of them continue to create!! OOOOH I LOOKED IT UP AND YEAH IT LOOKS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY i will add it to the list n get back to you!!!

aaaaah ur taste!!! dw clearly my taste is all over the place too ahahaha i just love cinema so much, i’m always eager to watch new films and literally always feel overwhelmed with just how many i want to watch ehehehe. OH MY GOD YOUR NAME MADE ME SOB LIKE A BABY such a beautiful film!!!!!! loved it so so so much. eeeee i actually hate action movies ahahahaha 🙈🙈🙈

hmmm i’m gonna try n go with ‘must watch’ films just because i feel like i’ve already mentioned so many in most of those genres n you’ve already seen most of them, so!!

ladri di biciclette by de sica

masculin, feminin and pierrot le fou by godard

news from home by akerman (if you can find it, it can be a lil difficult to track down but if ur school has a decent film library/collection they should have it!!)

rome, open city by rossellini

in the mood for love by wong kar-wai

the 400 blows by truffaut

hotel by the river by hong sangsoo (i literally love this film so fucking much my gosh like another one we saw at TIFF one year and just !!!!!!!)

full metal jacket by kubrick

apocalypse now by coppola

bride of frankenstein by whale

nosferatu by murnau (honestly anything german expressionism is worth watching esp the cabinet of dr caligari and metropolis, too,, i just really love german expressionism lmaoooo)

peeping tom by powell

king kong (1933) by cooper + schoedsack

aaaah like tbh i’d be surprised if you didn’t know/watch these, too!! like, i feel like they’re fairly common in film programs but!!! recommending films to another film student is hard cause i’m sitting here like ‘well, they most likely know all of the american/hollywood ‘must watch’ films’, but then i’m all ‘but if they’re a film student, there’s a good chance they’ve watched these, too’ so aaaah idk i hope some of these are new to you, at least!!! i kinda just thought about my favourite cinema movements and picked a film or two from each ahahahaha

SORRY I WROTE U A MINI ESSAY LMAO JUST RAAAAMBLING but !!! i can’t wait to hear more about ur cinema adventures!!! lmk if you’ve seen any on the rec list omg omg and once again sorry it took me so long to finish answering this :((

[dogcopter]

character arc in unreverse

“Incomprehensible if you don’t think RQ is alive” Rose Quartz Steven Universe thoughts, a first pass. This is about a bunch of suspicious ghosts who are probably Rose, excluding Lion (see rose is lion 2020 tag for that)

I am certain to be missing some appearances and ideas still, but here’s some lore, assuming the Steven Universe writing process is (steven universe production voice) “every weird animal and dream is clearly just Rose. it will secretly be really funny every time and it will all pay off approximately 180 episodes into the series when we learn it was an intertwined Steven/Rose POV and character arc the whole time. we love lore.”

Rose’s Room Tiny Floating Whale appears when summoned, also asks Steven “what do you want”, has Rose’s voice even tho Steven hasn’t heard it yet. 

This episode is preceded by Beach Party, in which Steven convinces two bickering families to cooperate, and that episode is preceded by Lion 2, in which Lion goes to the movies with Steven and Connie and also makes them fight a killer robot.

Watermelon Steven This episode is preceded by Garnet’s Universe which telegraphs the endgame. Steven brings melons to life, including his best friend Baby Melon, who is briefly kidnapped by Onion. (Onion wants Baby Melon. Can Onion perceive Rose Quartz or other astral projectors? Is Onion an agent of Evil Cookie Cat?) He comes to life to escape Onion and winks at Steven when rejoining him. When the watermelons go to war and Steven wants the fighting to stop, Baby Melon sacrifices his life to stop the fighting by punching Steven. Baby Melon dies. RQ kill count +1

(Relevant Dogcopter lore: In Lion 2, Lion attends the Dogcopter 3 movie with Steven and Connie. In Dogcopter 3, Dogcopter beats an evil army of robots. Connie and Steven both love Dogcopter. )

Lion 3: Straight to Video After Lion tries and fails to get Steven into the mane the first time, Steven dreams of Dogcopter. Dogcopter says some hippie nonsense about art, including the ironic “Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty.” Dogcopter then says “take a deep breath” before Steven wakes up in Lion’s mane. This ep is preceded by Watermelon Steven.

Open Book The room manifests a Tiny Floating Whale again for a highfive. Idk if the rest of the room shenanigans are the room as its own entity or at all related to Rose or Evil Cookie Cat Rose (I’m going to gloss over the Rose’s room episodes because there’s a lot of good meta out there and they probably need their own post just in general) but the room’s Connie does ultimately force Steven to be honest with his feelings instead of hiding them. 

This episode is preceded by Rose’s Scabbard, in which Steven learns a bit about Rose’s secrets and her relationship with Pearl.

Chille Tid Steven exhausts himself on the search for Malachite and the Gems try to make him rest. After a dream vision of Lapis, Steven tells Pearl about a dream he had involving Lion and puts them both to sleep. Dogcopter appears in his dream, but doesn’t talk to him. Dogcopter meows, and leads him in the direction of Lapis. This is the ep where Steven’s astral projection is explicitly revealed. This episode is preceded by “We Need to Talk”. 

(In Dogcopter 4, Dogcopter dies and comes back to life and it’s revealed that his parents are cats, so probably Rose has either seen another Dogcopter movie without Steven and Connie or she’s involved in Dogcopter’s production.)

Super Watermelon Island Steven wakes up in a watermelon body. Melon Dog busts out barking excitedly. She leads him to the sacrifice ritual and tricks him into volunteering his hijacked body for death, which reveals the location of Malachite. This episode is a season premiere and is preceded by Peridemption arc. RQ kill count +1

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service Steven needs a boost to escape the pizza monster in Kiki’s dream, and Dogcopter appears to pick him up and meows at him. This episode is preceded by Restaurant Wars, in which, among other important developments, Pearl wears her hottest outfit to date and Jane appears for the second time. The first time is in Lion 2 when she sells Connie, Steven, and Lion tickets to the Dogcopter 3 movie.

Steven’s Dream Steven wants to know about Pink Diamond so Rose shows him the Pink Diamond murder location. If it’s a memory like later dreams, it’s a relatively recent one and she is crying in it. This episode is preceded by Three Gems and a Baby in which we see the aftermath of Rose’s death on Greg and the Gems.

Storm in the Room Rose literally just shows up in person to tell Steven to chill the fuck out while he’s stress dreaming about her via the room. She doesn’t affirm his feelings though.

This episode is directly preceded by The New Crystal Gems, in which Lion is named but does not appear, and that episode is preceded by the Zoo arc.

Jungle Moon Stevonnie is stranded on the moon of an abandoned Diamond Authority colony and their ship is broken so they can’t contact Lars. They find a moon base which used to belong to Yellow Diamond. They have a dream of one of Pink Diamond’s childhood memories of trying to play with YD while she’s working, which reveals the passcode to YD’s console. They use that info to call Lars and gtfo. This episode is preceded by Lars of the Stars, in which Steven and Connie go to space via Lion.

Can’t Go Back After Steven and Lion go to the moon, while Lion is napping downstairs Steven is napping upstairs, and Steven has a dream about Pink Diamond trying to convince the other Diamonds to leave Earth alone. He also sees Pearl with her sword. 

Meta: This episode is preceded by “Letters to Lars”, in which Steven describes how the whole town has formed interpersonal bonds and everyone is doing way better without Bill Dewey in charge. Also in CGB, Lapis talks about running away in fear and being lonely while they observe the CGs from the moon. RQ vibes on both counts.

Together Alone Steven is sleeping in PD’s room. Opens with a dream in which Pink is playing with Volley in her room. Yellow Diamond interrupts and they play their roles. They behave like cheerful buddies, but then the dream becomes a nightmare as Volley is taken away and Steven starts stress heaving Rose’s hair and sees a vision of White. This episode is preceded by Familiar, in which Steven tries to talk to the Diamonds and learn about Pink.

Escapism Steven tries to call for help by APing out of prison, and is diverted to Mask Island where Melon Dog 2.0 tries to keep him distracted. She’s worried about him when he takes off. Lion picks him up on the open sea and carts him home to deliver his message before his tender perishable body ends. Steven kill count +1

Change Your Mind Steven wakes up in prison, then realizes he’s dreaming another memory of Pink’s in which Blue comes to berate and shame her in prison for bringing cute organic life home. Blue mentions that White will take away Pink’s Pearl if she doesn’t quit the mischief. Steven also sees a flashback of what happened at the ball, and the Diamonds doing the corruption attack. Steven is disturbed by a dream experience of cycling between appearances - Pink, Rose, Steven - and then wakes up.

Meta: The focus on her relationship with Volley and the loss of Volley in hindsight contributes to what we learn later in Volleyball; although they appeared close from Pink’s perspective in the older happy HW memories shown, we learn Pink’s explosive temper frightened Volley and even injured her and that a manifestation of the injury lingered with trauma. From Volley’s perspective Steven’s angry outburst is terrifying and she says that Pink couldn’t keep a secret – Pink changes her behavior to such an extent afterwards that our mom Pearl knows her as almost entirely the opposite in both regards. Lion has also changed from RQ’s super loving, inspiring speech giving persona to an aloof, silent cat.

Change Your Mind Finale During the final confrontation, Pink Steven disobeys White Diamond to her face to protect Steven, and doesn’t run away. Pink Steven confronts White Diamond on Steven’s behalf, exclaims SHE’S GONE!, and affirms Steven’s identity to both WD and Steven himself, embracing him with joyous laughter and love as his gem reenters his body. 

Future:

Rose Buds Rose straight up just returns (but we’re not ready to admit that yet) and uhhh I’ve already done like ten posts about this ep so let’s stop there

other suspicious Future characters post Rose Buds:

A Very Special Episode One of Onion’s dolls waves at RQ2 even though it wasn’t umbrellafied. Might just be Onion eldritch shenanigans.

Prickly Pair Cactus Steven tries to talk to Steven after Steven opens up to him but is limited by his vocabulary. He might be his own cactus.

Reflections: See Lion megaposts for the Lion arc, I might make another big fucking essay one day taking both these and Lion into account but today is not that day, but one common thread is that these psychic ghost characters go from exclusively taking their cues from Steven and Steven’s immediate desires/needs to going out of their way to teach him things about Rose, first without contradicting the secrets and her post-death narrative, but ultimately by actually showing him truth.

[lit--bitch]

Current-Reads (20/04/2020 - 26/04/2020) 🍓🐢

(Disclosure: I don’t know anybody I’ve been currently reading this week. 😊)

Adding the preface again here: every Sunday without fail I throw up the freshest literature and photography I’ve read over the week, sometimes it’s a book, sometimes it’s a piece I saw in a magazine or an online zine, sometimes it’s something I saw on social media, etc. Sometimes I add ‘RECOMMEND’ next to a few of the titles, but that’s not to say I don’t recommend all of them, I just love some pieces more than others. Not everything will be everybody’s cup of tea, yanno, c’est la vie. And any titles that you see in bold are hyperlinked so if you click or tap them they’ll direct you straight to the source… or shopping basket. 

This week I’m gonna throw in a red herring and tell you about something I’ve been watching as well as what I’ve been reading, because I think it’s really cool and definitely appropriate for the age we’re living in at the moment. 

So I’ve been reading: Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) which was edited by her son, David. I also read an interview on Granta from March between Rachel Long and Morgan Parker. I’ve also tucked into a couple pieces on Fence, Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’ and Anthony Michael Morena’s ‘The Whale’. I also saw Cecelia Knapp’s poem in Bath Magg Issue Three (but the whole issue is an absolute smacker, it’s great). Last but not least, I’m up to episode 5 of a brand new thing called The Midnight Gospel. It is crazy good. And it’s on Netflix right now. 

***

Cecilia Knapp, ‘I Used To Eat KFC Zingers Without Hating Myself’, Bath Magg Issue #3: I really loved the whole of Issue Three, I guess I was quite struck by this particular poem for its “staccato-ness”. This poem is buttered with present-day references. But they’re not necessarily about creating a familiar environment. Rather the object of familiarity is found within the assemblage of places, snacks and thoughts, all of which compound the grief ‘I’ is experiencing. The ‘I’ ruminates on life’s banality and their personal insecurities in living banality: ‘I need a thigh gap. I use emojis / to avoid conflict. Worry I’m a gentrifier. Watch docs about murdered women’. The vapidity is funny. The pain is not. The insecurities deepen. Your body, your life, continues the ache of day-to-day routine, and finds no resolution in the things which may or may not stand to comfort oneself when ravaged by loss. The poem feels quite loose, and disinterested. It’s a sore poem, but its array of references make it colourful. It sort of reminded me of Édouard Levé’s work a little bit? But if Édouard Levé had been a pop culture fanatic chewing HubbaBubba bubblegum on the London Overground.  Bath Magg is a pretty exciting new magazine, (been around just under a year I think?) and they’ve published a lot of great writers, many of whom are emerging and I’ve spotted some quite established peple in there too. Kudos to their rubber ducky logo. It’s run by Mariah Whelan and Joe Carrick-Varty. 

In Conversation with Morgan Parker and Rachel Long, Granta Magazine: I deeply love Morgan Parker’s work, she’s, in my opinion, the master of titles. I can’t think of anybody who titles their work as well as Morgan Parker does. And I love the depth of honesty and charisma in this interview. Like yeah, it appears to be a generic Q/A but, it genuinely feels like a conversation, and it’s welcoming and unpretentious. Rachel Long asks some penetrating questions, and Morgan’s answers are so detailed and self-aware. Most of the discussion revolves around the action of writing poetry in general and where does that impulse arise from, but they do discuss Morgan’s latest collection Magical Negro which came out February last year. It’s a narrative on black womanhood, on micro-aggressions and reoccuring violence, it’s about breaking down white perceptions of blackness, and dissolving those projections. What I love about Morgan Parker is she’s tackling this fucking idiot thing where (mostly) white people think she’s attempting to represent all black women in her writing, which is, by Morgan’s own admission, impossible. Her work is a duty to herself, to the background she’s lived and lives, and to unpack that discourse in her own way. And if it resonates, then great! I felt all this was inherent in the interview and only adds to my respect for her, and to Rachel for being such an attentive interviewer. BTW Rachel Long has a debut collection coming out this July, My Darling from the Lions.

Anthony Michael Morena, ‘The Whale’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): I can’t tell you how much I adored this beautiful mass of whale and word. It’s an essay which references the American Natural History Museum’s Blue Whale model. The writing is thick with feeling and fat with concern. It blends monologue, memoir. It’s non-fiction and documentary. It’s elusive, enigmatic, fragmented. It’s like broken biscuits and blubber. To me it felt like a note on the offences of climate change, the emotional response and grief as we bystand erosion and corrosion, the loss of life, and the urge to merge something back together as it dissolves and fragments before our eyes. It’s as personal as it is public. A gorgeous and complex piece.

Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) (RECOMMEND): I felt so afflicted reading Susan Sontag’s diaries, because y’know, it’s the equivalent of invading an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh’s tomb. Like, leave people alone. At the same like, this woman. These diaries are still shaping me, and each section leaves you with the weirdest aftertaste. Her personality permeates through every detail, every line-break, every reference and articulation of feeling. You learn so much, you gain so much from her perceptions and observations. How do I contain Susan Sontag? How do I describe these diaries? Not at all. Just buy it. 

Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): My eyes locked onto this piece and just didn’t really stop reading. Lexi’s voice is enamouring and hypnotic. It’s so violent too. You’re lunged into friction burns and sports injuries, time and progression, the tensions between collectivity and individuality, family and sexuality, or as Fence put it, ‘lesbian eros’. This piece felt acidic. At times you can’t tell if the ‘I’ is indifferent or hurting to the point of numbness. It straddles so many different thematics, and breaks down a lot of conventions pertaining to the “ideal experience” of family relationships and team work. The resolution seems to be that in spite of people, our collectivity is defined by our collective solitude. This essay kicked me around a football field. It takes a good few repeated reads to appreciate its kaleidoscopic shifting, but it’s definitely one of my favourites.

The Midnight Gospel, from Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell, Netflix: (RECOMMEND) So the other day my friend Ben linked this to me and I had seen the trailer ages back and thought “Oh yeah I really wanna watch that”, but just forgot. After his reminder, I started watching it and ever since I’ve been saying to loads of other friends “Have you watched ‘The Midnight Gospel’ on Netflix?” because I’m d y i n g  to talk about it with everybody. 

I literally can’t categorise this “TV show” to you. It’s like if animation had a baby with a philosophy podcast and then put that baby onto an IV drip of psychedelics. It’s this swarm of different stimuli which you kind have to zone in on and absorb individually and yet somehow collectively. 

So like, “Clancy” is a spacecaster who sets up “spacecasts” (podcasts) with creatures from other simulated worlds and he interviews them. But when Clancy transports himself into these worlds, it’s not like they’re sat down on some cream sofa with two glasses of water like it’s animated Oprah. No, his interviewees are like in the middle of fighting off a zombie apocalypse or meditating on a mountain or trying to find and save their lost lover. And Clancy just joins them on the journey and interviews them about their “specialism”. These are real people that are being interviewed like, the first episode is with Dr. Drew Pinker. And when you’re watching it, you think that the animation is totally separate to the conversation exchange the characters are having, but that’s not true. They have intersections, they have meaning. It only becomes obvious that it has meaning right at the end of each episode, but if you lock on you’ll see it’s all relevant throughout. 

One of my friends was like “Oh I might stick that on tonight and have a joint” and I was like, don’t fucking get high when you’re watching this because it’s already intense enough as it is, like you know that Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell have felt some real shit to create this absolute rare jewel. In my opinion, you don’t need cannabis to appreciate these discussions. But if you wanna do it, then hey it’s a “free country”. And it’s not as though there’s a serious, central core plot like there is with Rick & Morty, I mean there is a kind of overarching plot but it’s not always integral. Like ultimately we’re invested in Clancy’s story but also all the stories of all the other people that come his way. There’s multiple plots, there’s multiple dimensions and ways of seeing. It’s a programme which delivers on multiplicity, which manifests itself in everything and everyone we see and know and touch and hear, etc, etc. 

This production articulates some of the revelations that psychedelics can give you. Psychedelics don’t make you see the world literally like these animations do, but the sensations of the animation are reminiscent of an acid trip’s oscillating moods and sensitivities. It’s really cool, and it’s very poignant, and it’s my new favourite show to watch. And what’s so great about it is that, it requires multiple watches in order to really absorb everything in its entirety, so it’s a series you can just keep going back to even after you’ve seen them all. It’s re-watchable. Just fundamental goodness all round. Best way to indulge in it is with ice cream. 🍨

***

So that’s it for this week, next Friday’s review is Annie Ernaux’s A Girl’s Story translated by Alison L. Strayer, published with Fitzcarraldo Editions. 

Stay safe and well as always, my little caramels. 💁🏽