#like Coach have hidden talent

[trishthepotato]

Hiiii I just wanted to say I love your Coach/Nick art SO MUCH !!!!!! It's always a delight to see aaaa

I also wanted you to know something- I have this headcanon that Coach can play a meaaannnn saxophone >:3c How do you think Nick would react? Saxophones can be very sexy I think

Hello!!!, thank you so much for enjoying my Coach/Nick drawings I'm so happy to hear it!! 😭❤️ (I also love your drawings too❤️)

And about your headcanon... it's interesting and I think Nick doesn't believe Coach when he told him he can play saxophone but when he prove it to Nick that he really can play the saxophone I think he will love Coach even more 👀

I even try to draw it but turns out to be silly 😂

[heechwe]

so high school | 𝖑𝖍𝖘

୨୧ pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader ୨୧ word count: 6.8k ୨୧ genre: fluff, smut ୨୧ tags: basketballplayer!heesung, nerd!reader, tutor!au, high school au, oral (f + m receiving), penetration (all characters are of age!), light choking ୨୧ synopsis: You and your boyfriend are complete opposites on paper—you, the girl hidden inside a book, and Heeseung, the star of the basketball team���but it feels so right every time you’re together.

Heeseung at the free-throw line, certain he will make the basket and win the championship, turns to look at you in the stands. The sounds of his coach, taunts from the opposing team, encouragement of his teammates, and commotion of the final game of the season all fade into the background. To him, all that matters besides the ball in his hands is you.

You, amongst the others in the crowd with their hearts in their mouths, have no fears for your boyfriend. The star player who’s going to make history has never given you doubts before in his talents. All you can do is smile, incredibly proud and incredulous at the thought that he is all yours and nobody else��s.

It’s almost unimaginable how the two of you found each other, coming from completely different worlds. But like all stories, similar to the ones you’ve read since childhood, the story of you and Heeseung has a clear beginning…

AUGUST

“Do you ever stop to—I don’t know—not read?” Jungwon asks, jotting down notes in his notebook.

You giggle and flip the page. “It’s the last book on Choi’s summer reading list. Besides,” you retort, looking directly at your best friend, “how else would I be able to read and still remember what you just said to me if I didn’t practice?”

“Fuck off.” You lightly knock his shoulder with yours.

Even though it was still very early in the school year, you still had a lot to concentrate  on with the month coming to an end. Like the first novel Mrs. Choi selected on her extensive reading list. You planned to discuss it with the members of the school’s book club, your notes already tucked in your backpack for today’s Friday meeting.

Now, sitting with Jungwon in the hallway as you eat your lunch, your focus is solely on finishing the last fifty pages of the last book in the list Mrs. Choi created. Jungwon closes his notebook and gets up from his spot next to you. “Alright, I gotta head to Chem.  I’ll see you after school!” With a wink, he runs down the hallway and disappears down the corner.

Who you don’t expect to pop up next to disturb the sudden quiet of the surrounding area is Lee Heeseung, star shooting guard for the school’s basketball team. You never spoke to him before, but his reputation and family’s legacy preceded him. His brother was the shooting guard for the team years ago, breaking numerous records before he graduated. Now, Heeseung’s definitely filling his brother’s shoes and then some.

As a person, however, you know nothing about the boy at all. This year, though, you shared the same English class with Mrs. Choi. She cared little for his extracurriculars or persona around campus; what mattered to her was the effort of her students and the quality of the classwork.

Heeseung passes you by on his way towards his destination, not sparing a glance. You sit attentively as he knocks on Mrs. Choi’s classroom door.

She answers after a moment, a somber smile on her lips. “What can I do for you, Mr. Lee?”

He clears his throat and asks her, “You saw my message and I—“

“I am aware, Mr. Lee. My response still stands. Is there something else you need?” Mrs. Choi sees you out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t acknowledge your snooping.

“I will do anything to correct my last assignment. Please,” Heeseung begs.

“Mr. Lee, the cutoff for submissions was last week. I’m sorry, but your grade is final.” She sighs and looks at her watch.

“There’s nothing I can do to bring it up before the first game?” Heeseung asks, his voice growing thin from his frustration. He’s not rude, but clearly disappointed he isn’t getting his way with his big eyes and pleading words.

“How about this? I’ll tell Coach Sung you’re working on a paired project to make up the grade.”

“Perfect.” Heeseung breathes a sigh of relief before he takes in the rest of her sentence. “Wait, who’s my partner?”

Mrs. Choi extends her arm out to point in your direction. Immediately, you want to tuck yourself in your book and hide. You did not intend for your interest in their conversation to put you right in the middle of it, and now you wish you hadn’t feigned curiosity at all.

“She’s one of my best students, so you’re in great hands.” She turns her head so both you and Heeseung can hear her. “I’ll send both of you the information for the project later today.”

You didn’t notice Heeseung had kept his focus on you until you broke your stare-off with Mrs. Choi. Her lips are upturned in a secret smirk when you turn your attention to him.

Heeseung isn’t bad to look at, the definition of his muscles peeking out of his shirt in multiple places and his brown hair falling into his face. Each piece of his physical being represents the epitome of a Greek god’s form. But the fact neither of you had ever interacted up to this point is what scares you more than his intimidatingly good looks.

When Mrs. Choi gently closes the door, Heeseung awkwardly walks over to your position, towering over you. Ironically, his presence physically embodies your feelings towards him, this stranger now being shoved into your life.

“I’m Heeseung.”

You give him a close-lipped smile and extend your hand out to him, your name leaving your lips immediately. Displaying fake confidence, you hope he can’t tell how terrified you are.

His eyes brighten when his hand touches yours. You stand up, hand still in his, and the feeling of his palm against yours causes you to fumble your next words. “S-so I guess I should give you my number. I mean so once we get the assignment—“

Heeseung smirks. “Usually girls flirt a little more before asking for my number.”

You scoff and tuck your book closer. “I was offering to give you mine, actually. For educational purposes.”

The noise of his laughter fills the small corridor. “Right.”

You roll your eyes, suddenly feeling annoyance creeping under your skin. “Well, if it’s that hard to swap information, you can find me after school in the library.” You walk away, but Heeseung follows quickly behind.

“I have practice once the last bell rings.”

You look at him with serious eyes, not bothering to stop your stride towards the stairs. “Tell Coach you can’t make it.”

“Are you nuts?” Heeseung says, eyes wide.

You smirk. “You have to get your grade up to play, right?”

You watch the clock in the library with scrutiny. Members of the book club have been gone for half an hour, but you chose to stay behind. School let out an hour ago, and yet you’re still holding out hope Heeseung will come. But every minute that goes by proves you have to face facts: you’re now forced to collaborate with a stereotypical jock.

Mr. Kim, the head librarian, puts the disorganized books on the shelves as you tap your pencil on the table. “Waiting for someone? You don’t usually stick around this late,” Mr. Kim says with a smile.

You grin back, the sentiment not reaching your eyes. “You could say that.”

After another ten minutes of silence, you give up. You begin packing up your belongings, shaking your head and mumbling to yourself the entire time. Curse your interest in the guy and his lack of care for his academics. No wonder his grade was in the tank already. What was the point of athletics if he didn’t have other prospects to fall back on?

Just as you’re walking out of the library, Heeseung runs into you. Sweat’s dripping from his forehead and his breaths are labored. Clearly, he chose basketball over your project. You want to punch him for putting you both in this position.

“I swear I was going to blow off practice,” Heeseung says, but he can see your doubt in his words on your face.

“Sure. How about this? Figure out how to do the project on your own.” You press your body into his to push him out of your way. He follows in suit and rubs the spot you shoved, pretending to be wounded.

It only fuels your ire. You’ve only spoken to the jerk twice and you’re already tired of him treating every word you say and feeling you have like a joke. “Is failing that amusing to you?”

Heeseung’s expression immediately goes cold. “I’m not failing.”

“Sure. So Choi’s just doing this to torture you.”

He weighs his response in his mind before answering. “I may not be perfect, but Choi is really hard on grading.”

“That first assignment was just about what your future looks like after high school.” You push your backpack over your arm. “Excuse her for thinking you had plans outside of throwing a ball around a field.”

That laugh of his may just be the end of your life. He chuckles hard and puts a hand out to stop you. “First of all, that’s football.” He tries to make you look at him directly, but you refuse, too angry to give into what he wants. 

He continues anyway. “Second, basketball is my life. Past, present, future, okay? Without it, I don’t even know where I’d be.”

His voice is sincere, more honest than it’s been before. Regardless, your understanding and disappointment is evident. “Don’t you think that that’s the problem?”

“It hasn’t been one before. Suddenly I say it out loud and it’s an issue?” Heeseung’s voice raises a decibel, clearly agitated and back to his cold exterior.

If he wants to fight about this, you’re game.

“No,” you say, matching his vocal level. “The issue is that your focus is solely on basketball when there’s more important things in life than a dumbass court and sweaty guys trying to make touchdowns.” 

“You’re mixing up your sports analogies, angel.” Heeseung steps closer, testing your boundaries. Your chest heaves up and down, your breath labored. You may just slap him if he gets closer.

“You know what I mean.”

“Are you going to help me or not?” A fraction of his expression slips. His eyes challenge you in both irritation and anxiety. The bravado’s merely a mask for the fear that he’ll lose the one thing he wants the most in this world. And did you have it in you to be the reason he couldn’t have it?

You sigh and rub your palm across your forehead. “Tomorrow, meet me at the marketside pier. 8 AM. Take it or leave it.”

He releases a humorless chuckle. “You’re not gonna make this easy are you?”

“Not on your life.”

Heeseung is there at one of the pier’s wooden picnic tables with his materials sprawled out when you arrive at 7:45. You weren’t expecting for him to be there on time, much less earlier than you. The sun reflects off of his hair, turning the brown curls almost orange. Like the first time you saw him, you can’t help but be reminded that he is painstakingly attractive.

You give him a shy smile and put your backpack down next to you.

“I can tell you’re surprised,” Heeseung says with a small smile.

“A bit, yeah.” You unzip your bag to grab your English textbook. “I thought on the weekends you typically do…’fitness stuff.’” He laughs at your air quotes.

“Well, to be honest, I wake up at 6 AM every morning for drills with my dad.”

Your eyes go wide. “Wow.”

“Yeah. Like you said, my sole focus is on that damn ball,” Heeseung says, opening his own textbook. “But I want to change that.”

“So you can keep playing,” you remind him, teasing the poor guy.

“Half true,” Heeseung says. “But I shouldn’t have left you hanging, yesterday.”

You nod. “I appreciate your apology.” You grab a pencil from your bag, pushing on the eraser until the lead pops up. “And I shouldn’t have been so judgmental. You have to be good at stuff besides basketball, even if it’s not studying.”

“Hey! I’m doing well in all my other classes, thank you very much.” You both share a minute of laughter. “But, to be honest, I do like to sing.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, Troy Bolton.”

“For real! One day, I’ll take you to karaoke. I won’t make fun of you if you can’t keep up with me.”

“Okay, we’ll see.” You direct his focus back on to the page. “Now, onto Shakespeare.”

SEPTEMBER

Although Heeseung took his sweet, laborious time to translate and understand Shakespeare’s old English, the project went off without a hitch. Mrs. Choi was even surprised herself, in disbelief you pulled such an expansive and well-thought analysis out of the quintessential jock.

Now, it seemed the best next step to keep Heeseung on the right track was to sit him right next to you. Your initial partnership continued to benefit him in both his success in English and focus on academics, possibly for the first time in his high school career.

Better than that, he may have found a new friend in you that he wouldn’t have had otherwise.

By the end of one Tuesday class, Heeseung asks you to have lunch with him and his friends, a request that makes your previous seating buddy in English, Yujin, freak out.

Both her and Jungwon corner you on your way out when you tell them the news.

“No fucking way,” she whispers excitedly, slapping you on the back with vigor.

“That hurt,” you moan.

“Are you prepared?” Jungwon asks, smirking.

“Prepared for what?”

“The lion’s den, dude! You’re gonna be with not just his douche friends, but also the cheerleaders, other sports players…be prepared for the worst,” Jungwon grumbles.

“Oh shut up, Won!” Yujin threatens to hit him too, but he retracts. “Have fun on your pseudo first date.”

“It’s not a date!”

By the time lunch comes around, you hold yours with shaky hands, searching the lunch courtyard for the jock’s table. You usually sat with Jungwon or Yujin in the hallway of the English department to eat. Now, you’re a small fish in a big pond, waiting to be eaten alive.

Was it, in fact, a date, like your friends hypothesized? Did you have to try and impress Heeseung more than normal? Did you want Heeseung to take you on a date, real or fake, to begin with?

"Hey!"

Heeseung waves you over with a confident but over-exaggerated arm, flapping it wildly so you notice. He didn't need to do that, though; you could pick out his voice in any crowd.

You walk over with a smile and sit down, feeling small next to the strangers you had not met until this moment. The basketball team's not unwelcome, but they are awkward at your sudden presence at their usual lunch table, even if Heeseung made it known beforehand that you would be hanging out with them to eat.

He says your name and introduces you to his friends. "And that's Sunghoon, Jeongsong, and Jaeyun." You recognize the last two, Jay and Jake. Jake, the strikingly blonde one, has Chemistry with you this year. He smiles and tips his soda can at you in acknowledgement.

"Hee was telling us you’ve been saving him this term in English. Choi can be a pain in the ass, am I right?" Sunghoon and Jeongsong share a laugh, but you bristle at the comment.

"Not really," you say. "Choi sponsors my book club, so we have a good relationship. I think that's why she wanted me to whip Heeseung into shape in the first place." You elbow Heeseung in the side, and he grins in response.

"She's probably right."

"Book club kid, huh?" Jake asks. "Haven't been one of those since elementary school."

Jake's comments make the entire team laugh. Your cheeks turn pink and Heeseung takes a sip from his drink, his posture stiffening in the process.

"It's not a bad thing though," Jake interjects amidst their laughter. "Books are fun."

"A bit nerdy, though," Sunghoon comments.

A girl next to Sunghoon smacks him hard in the arm, but he just pokes his tongue at her.

Your anxiety spikes sitting there with all of these people, your gut feelings a reminder that they’re all a part of Heeseung’s world, not yours.

You clear your throat and stand up from the table. “I forgot to say, Hee, I have to do something for Choi anyway.” Heeseung’s face turns down at the corners. The only audible response you receive is from Jay and Sunghoon in the form of snickers.

”Run along, pet,” Sunghoon comments with a smirk.

You hope your eyes give the offense you won’t bother saying out loud. Fuck off, asshole.

When you make it to your usual lunch spot, Yujin and Jungwon are surprised to see you walking down the hallway.

”What happened?” Yujin asks.

”Exactly what Won said was going to happen,” you confess, sitting down in a criss-cross position beside her. “Now give me your chips.”

When the end of the day comes around, Heeseung catches you on your usual trek to the bus. “You’re forgiven, by the way.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What did I do?”

”You left me alone with my shithead teammates! I needed you there for backup, y’know.” He smirks and grabs your backpack from your shoulder to put around his arm. “I’m sorry about them. Sunghoon, mostly.”

”Can’t believe you’re friends with that guy,” you mumble.

”He’s the only one who I’m not friends with, truthfully. The others are cool. They’re just not used to new people.”

”I never would have guessed.”

Heeseung’s laugh is hearty, with a dazzling smile to match. You can almost forget the heap of embarrassment you felt earlier when you look at him like this, carefree and youthful.

“Anyway, let me give you a ride,” he offers, pointing to the senior parking lot. His car is freshly washed, its coat of paint identical to the school’s colors of blue with silver accents.

”What will your friends say?” you ask with a fake gasp.

”Fuck them. Besides, you’re also one of my friends. Now let’s go.” He takes your hand to walk in the direction of his car, not releasing your palm until you’re at his passenger side door.

As you give him directions, your mind goes back to the labels you had been running through in your mind all day. Were you Heeseung’s friend? Yes. Did you want to be more? Surely he didn’t just ask anyone to have lunch with him and his friends if he didn’t have other intentions, right? So, in that case, did yours match his?

A part of you wants to say yes, but the rational piece keeps you in check. It’s ridiculous to expect more than a friendship. How could you when it was so obvious your worlds were so far from each other, your friendship a simple fluke? You were grateful for his presence in your life, knowing without him it would be a bit darker, but would it last?

Yet here you were. Sitting happily in his car, hair blowing in the wind as his thumb grazes the outside of your hand, you try to enjoy all the time you do have together.

OCTOBER

”This is ridiculous!”

”Come on, just try it!”

”When did I ever say I was good at sports?” You groan, holding the ball in your hands with nervous fingers. The basketball court at your local park is occupied only by you and Heeseung, but it feels as though there’s a thousand people in the metal stands watching you, waiting for you to mess up.

”You said if I passed the last test you would let me show you how to make a free throw.” Heeseung has his hands in his pockets, his letterman jacket flapping in the autumn wind.

“If I suck at this, you’re never going to talk to me again. Just watch.” You try to dribble the ball across the court, but it falls between your legs before you can travel any further.

Heeseung puts his face behind his hand, clearly chuckling to himself. You scoff at him and the response you saw coming the second he put the ball in your hands. “See? I told you you would think I’m embarrassing!”

He raises his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s just cute, that’s all.”

”’Cute’ is probably the nicest way you could say I’m embarrassing.” You kick the basketball in his direction. He catches it without any effort, his face still shaped in a state of enjoyment.

”I said cute because I meant cute, you dork.” He steps to the free-throw line and motions for you to join him. You do, grumbling and grunting the entire way.

”Now, you have to relax. The only way you have half a shot at making the basket is if you stop tensing up.” He hands you the ball again and steps behind you.

He puts his hands on your hips. his palms soft against your hoodie. You can practically feel the heat of his skin through the material of your clothing, and you hope he can’t tell how much your heartbeat has spiked from him being so close to you.

”Next thing is to bend your knees. They can’t be locked up.” You listen to his words, trying not to focus on how his body is making yours react. You may be imagining it, but even his voice sounds a bit breathless from the small distance between yourself and him.

His lips are ghosting over your ear when he says, ”Now shoot.”

You release the ball from your hands, hoping the angle of your throw and Heeseung’s directions will prove you’re partially competent. 

And sure enough, the basket makes it in a single whoosh. You turn in Heeseung’s grasp, releasing a happy cheer. “That was amazing!”

You feel the rush of the shot in your veins, but suddenly the only thing that makes your body hum in pleasure is the sudden crash of Heeseung’s lips against yours.

Unsure how to react, you stand there frozen in place as his mouth moves on its own accord. But slowly, surely, happily, you fall deeply into his embrace. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and feel the press of his tongue against your mouth, begging for entrance.

You comply, letting the feeling of him and the thrill of this private moment in both of your worlds fill you to the brim with quiet pleasure and happiness.

[LHS] Can we talk, please?

[LHS] Did I do something wrong??

[LHS] IDC if you don’t respond. I’ll keep texting until you say something…

[LHS] Don’t leave me hanging :(

You sigh and throw your phone to the other side of the bed, tucking your comforter closer to your chest. Deciding to stay home from school was probably not the best way to handle your problems, but just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re sensible all the time.

This weekend’s excursion with Heeseung was beautiful, no doubt. But the fears continued to creep in with little regard for how happy he made you that day or all the days that came before it. Would how he felt about you last any longer than his basketball season? Did he entertain this simply for the fact that it was entertainment and nothing more? 

The thoughts had been too much when you said goodbye to him on your doorstep with another hasty, giddy kiss and all the hours following it. Maybe you were self-sabotaging, but it was better to manage expectations now than be crushed in the aftermath.

When Yujin calls you during lunch, you have half a mind to ignore it. You answer anyway to avoid your friends thinking something drastic happened.

”Hello,” you mumble, the effects of your late morning nap hitting you.

”Dude, Heeseung’s on a tear today. He even asked Jungwon where you were, and I didn’t even think he knew the kid existed. What the hell happened on Saturday?”

Before you can respond, you hear the sound of your doorbell. “I gotta go. I’ll tell you later.” You hang up, hastily grabbing your fuzzy robe before running downstairs.

You don’t bother looking through the peephole to see who it is, but you curse yourself for not doing so when you’re confronted with Heeseung. He’s a sweaty and panting mess, but he doesn’t care for his appearance. His face morphs into relief when he sees you staring back at him.

”Thank God,” he says before stepping closer to you. He runs his hand over your forehead, frowning. “You’re not sick.”

You shake your head.

”So, you just ignore me all weekend and then don’t show up to school today?”

You sigh. “I didn’t know what to say when I saw you.”

He gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing. “So you chose not to see me at all? Was kissing me that terrible?

”No!” You run a frustrated hand through your hair, the spot in your hallway suddenly too cramped. You push him back outside and close the door behind you. “I don’t regret it at all. And I’d do it again if I could.”

Heeseung smirks at that, clearly happy with your response. “So, what’s the problem?”

”The problem is that when you get bored of me, things won’t go back to normal for me like they will for you, Hee. You may think this is a game but—“

Heeseung’s sudden laugh is marked with a bitterness. His eyes grow serious, so much so your words stop short because of his stone expression

”Do you think that little of me?”

Your body tenses at his words, unsure how to respond. You have never thought of him as lesser than once, not since getting to know him. But maybe only looking at your feelings regarding your relationship compromised his own in the process.

He steps closer, your faces an inch apart. “Two months ago, I didn’t realize how much my life was going to change because of you. All I thought about before was basketball. And now, you’re one of the only things outside of that damn game that matters to me. When I haven’t talked to you or seen you for too long it’s like there’s this rock in my gut that I can’t get rid of. I kissed you because I wanted to, not for fun or because it’s this momentary thing.

”So, if you still think I’m going to get bored of you in a few days or weeks or months, then you really aren’t as smart as I thought you were, angel. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Breathless would be too small of a word to describe how his speech affects you. You feel the same buzz of his kiss from a few days throughout your entire body from his words alone. It makes every worry and fear that has plagued you evaporate, replaced with his promises and all the reasons you should jump in headfirst without another thought.

So you do.

You kiss him hard, crashing into his lips and hoping all of the feelings he harbors reflect in the actions of your mouth. You hold onto him with your hands on his neck and the smoothness of your lips in a beautiful rhythm with each other.

Whatever happens next, you know there’s no turning back now.

NOVEMBER

“And Sim, our prime point-guard, passes to Lee. Lee has ten seconds to make another three pointer and win the game. Will he do it? Time to find out!” Kim Sunwoo screams into the microphone, broadcasting the highlights of the semi-final game to the many listeners not attending in-person.

Lucky for you, you have the perfect spot in the stands to watch Heeseung make the winning basket and lead the team to victory.

The crowd roars when your boyfriend secures the team’s spot in the championship game. His teammates lift him up above their heads and shoulders, chanting his name and holding him with all of their strength. Heeseung immediately searches the crowd for you, his excitement fueling his newfound focus.

When he does see you, clapping your hands and cheering with the rest of the bystanders, he kisses the inside of his palm and shoots it in your direction like he’s making another basket. Your heart squeezes at the gesture, but you only blush and wink.

Ever since that day on your doorstep, you can’t seem to separate yourself from him or the feelings he stirs up inside of you. The thought and reality of not seeing or hearing from him for too long immediately dampens your spirits, just like Heeseung described to you when he confessed. Jungwon calls you “lovesick fools” every time you both are in his presence, but it’s not that. The love you feel for your boyfriend is one that strengthens every sense, impulse, and desire. Without it and him, that’s when you feel the weakest. And every time Heeseung smiles at you or holds you close, you can tell he feels the same.

Whether your worlds were the exact same or as different as they possibly could be, you both made your own perfectly fit for just the two of you.

The outside world has to creep in every once in a while, though.

At the end of the night, Heeseung’s arm is wrapped perfectly around you as you walk. You discuss your shared plans for the night and subsequent weekend since your parents are away at a work conference. Heeseung stops short when he sees his father waiting at his car with crossed arms.

“Good job, Hee,” He says first and foremost. “Saw you lost a bit of steam in the third quarter, though. We’ll have to do some more conditioning before the final.”

And there it was. The judgment you saw so often in conversations between Heeseung and his father that made you ache for the boy you loved. As his father, he should’ve been proud to see his sons succeeding, one of them off and playing for a world-renowned team and the other on his way there. Instead, all they received was judgment. It wasn’t your place, but you couldn’t wait for the day Heeseung stood up to him.

“At least I made the winning basket, right?” Heeseung shrugs off the criticism with a laugh and holds you closer. “We have to go eat, so—“

“Of course.” His father moves out of your way. “Lovely to see you again, darling,” He says to you with a small smile as he opens the passenger door for you. You return his greeting, suddenly uncomfortable with how close he is.

On your drive to your house, you try to help Heeseung destress with a hand on his thigh. “Don’t let him get to you,” you say sadly.

He smiles and gives you a knowing stare. “I’ve been dealing with him my whole life. He doesn’t have that power anymore.” He takes your hand from his thigh to hold it tightly in his own palm. “Besides, I’m one step closer to the championship and I got my girl next to me. Nothing’s getting in the way of my good night.”

You set your backpacks down at the door when you step inside your house. Heeseung follows you to the kitchen. While you’re finding the flier with the number of your favorite takeout restaurant, Heeseung presses his lips to your neck. The trail of his kisses going from the back of your ear to the start of your collarbone makes you shiver.”

“Hee,” you warn him. “We won’t be able to eat if you keep distracting me.”

“Food is the second priority,” he responds, lips feathering your skin. “Right now, we need to celebrate the championship.”

“The championship is still three weeks away.”

“If we both know I’m going to win, what’s the point of delayed gratification?” He pulls the sleeve of your shirt down to expose the top of your shoulder, kissing that area too to make your body thrum with pleasure.

“Speaking of that…” You turn to face Heesung, pressing your back against the counter. “I guess we can celebrate something tonight besides your impending win.”

Heeseung raises an eyebrow.

“I got early acceptance to Sky.”

Heeseung’s eyes immediately light up at your announcement. He pulls you in by the waist and spins you around the tiny space between your kitchen island and the fridge.

When the topic of college came up, it was as good a time as any for the two of you to discuss your future plans with each other. As fate would have it, Heeseung planned to play for Sky University’s basketball team next year, and you were waiting on your official acceptance letter when you both started dating.

Now, Heeseung would have the two most important things to him in the next chapter of his life. The boy’s over the moon, as any other person would be.

Heeseung lifts you over his shoulder, immediately heading in the direction of the stairs to take you to your bedroom. He laughs off your mock protest.

He knows for certain he’s in love with you. It may not be the perfect time to say it, especially before he’s about to ravish you, but the perfect time will come when it feels right.

He doesn’t say it when he strips you bare for only his eyes as he kisses you senseless, shocked and grateful your body is for him and him alone to see and cherish. He doesn’t say it as you kiss every inch of his bare chest to send him into a rambling mess of praises and curses.

Somehow, stupidly, the words slip out when your mouth is wrapped around his cock, tongue flat against the underside of his tip as he feels the back of your throat against him.

“Fuck, I love you so much.”

The air stills, both your bodies going rigid at the sudden confession that has just left his lips. But, instead of running scared, you take your mouth off of him and stare deeply into his eyes, smiling wide. “What’d you say?”

Heeseung breathes out a sigh of relief, suddenly taking your face in his hands and kissing you deeply. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the second I saw you in that hallway. I just didn’t know it yet.”

You giggle and press another kiss to his lips. He sees a tear leave your eye, and he wipes it away gently with his thumb. “I love you, too, Heeseung.”

You fall back into a steady rhythm of kissing and touching, Heeseung’s hands roaming the skin of your stomach, the swell of your breasts, and the cleft between your thighs, making you moan.

“Let me show you how much I love you,” Heeseung whispers against your lips.

He lays you flat on your back, kissing what areas he hasn’t touched yet with his hands. He needs you to know, in every moment, he chooses you and will never stop choosing to be with you.

If he had to make the choice to either give up the game or you, he would choose the former in a heartbeat. His dad, his friends, and even fate may say it’s young love and you haven’t been in his life as long as basketball has, but they don’t see him the way you do.

Even if he doesn’t say it out loud, he knows he doesn’t have to. 

When Heeseung finally presses his lips to your clit, kissing the nub with adoration, your legs shake at the contact. You instantly run your fingers into his hair. “Fuck,” you curse, the word rarely slipping from your lips save for moments like these.

The first time you had been together, Heeseung didn’t know exactly how to touch you without being terrified it was too much. But now he knows all the ways to turn you into a beautiful mess.

He licks languidly across your center and through your folds, keeping the perfect pace for you to ride your hips against his mouth. He inserts a finger into your entrance after coating the digit in the arousal already pooling at your center. You, typically so put together, are ready to fall apart at the simple press of his mouth against you.

Heeseung knows he can get you off this way, without question. And most nights, he doesn’t mind when you’re the only one who receives pleasure. But tonight, you moan out a request that he can’t say no to.

“Heeseung, please. I want you inside me when I come.” He doesn’t have to be told what to do twice when it’s the best command he’s heard all night.

He takes your mouth in his, holding your jaw in his hand and slightly applying pressure to the side of your neck. A half-empty moan leaves your lips at the sudden contact. To him, the sounds that you make are their own form of poetry, better than anything you’ve read to him all year.

Heeseung quickly grabs a foil packet from your bedside drawer to put on himself, protection being the one thing you can’t forget in the midst of your desire for each other. Lining himself up with your entrance, he thinks you could not look more beautiful with your half-lidded eyes and eager hands grabbing onto his hips to finally push him inside of you.

When he does ease in, he swallows the curse prepared to leave your mouth with his lips. It’s an indescribable feeling, the stretch and pull of your walls taking him in completely. Although you’ve been together many times before this night, it’s still a novelty Heeseung does not take for granted.

He takes his time establishing a rhythm, loving the pants and whimpers you emit because of him and for him. He holds his hand on your throat, his thumb going into your mouth for you to wrap your lips around in a lewd manor.

“Ah, fuck,” you say as he snaps his hips, filling you to the hilt. “Just like that.”

He feels his orgasm in his gut, threading further up his body as he snaps his hips harder and faster, moving in and out at a faster pace than normal. You don’t mind, scratching lines down his back as you cling to him. You’re both reduced to a heap of I love you’s and satisfied sounds, and it could not be more perfect.

“Fuck, Hee, I’m coming,” you say in the form of a promise, one so precious he wants to hear it every day.

The flutter of your walls around him as you fall apart pushes him to his own end, releasing into the condom with a guttural moan. He kisses you deeply before separating from you, running to the bathroom to throw the remnants of your lovemaking into the toilet and clean himself up.

You hold your arms out to him, ready to have him back by your side. He grins and kisses the crown of your forehead.

“Think about all the nights we can do this next year,” Heeseung whispers into the dark.

“I can’t wait,” you respond, pressing a kiss to his sweaty chest. “I love you.”

He grins happily to himself, the words a thousand times more powerful leaving your mouth. “I love you, too, angel.”

With your body curled into his chest, your heartbeats matching in tempo, he thinks no amount of championship wins could compare to the love he’s found in you.

DECEMBER

The basketball feels light as air in Heeseung’s hands, incomparable to the feeling in his chest looking at you. His teammates can tell he’s staring directly at your position in the stands. They wonder how his mind is still so occupied by you, even amongst the sea of spectators waiting for him to either succeed or screw up

Little do they realize, you’re the exact reason he’s going to win the title.

As he looks in your direction, he takes the shot without second-guessing himself. He hears the faint gasps of some attendees and even his coach, but the following swish of the basket in the hoop tells Heeseung all he needs to hear. And all he needs to see is your beautiful, proud face as the gym explodes into cheers.

You’re the best and truest thing he has in this world. He knows he’s a champion, in both the traditional and figurative sense. With you by his side, he’ll always feel like the winner of every game he’ll ever play.

[rikichie]

Just don't ask me how that huge plush was thrown there

Under the cut, things I imagine in YOI pre-canon, with the ways my thoughts tie into canon to explain why I think them. These are personal headcanons and interpretations.

With Viktor, I imagine his family being high achieving, and Viktor having a lot of expectations on him. And he matches then successfully. But this means his parents think he's doing well, even in moments where emotionally he isn't. They look at achievements rather than looking at him. It's not intentional neglect, they just don't have the awareness of mental wellbeing. He has a bed and food and he's doing well in school and skating, so everything must be okay. It's fine when he's fine, it's lonely when he's not. And it's the first environment that teaches him to match himself to what's expected and wanted of him, fulfilling a role rather than just being.

When he's older, he quietly creates distance. Not cutting them off, but not reaching out. They don't mind. They follow news, and they can show off his success.

When he's young, Viktor loves having fans and being known and admired. Af first he doesn't see downsides to it. And then something happens, as simple as "did you see him throwing the flower at Christophe Giacometti? He was flirting, how cute" - and Viktor realizes his fans will draw their own conclusions and won't believe him if he tries to say they're wrong.

So he starts adjusting his approach. Building a persona, and building walls. Charming smiles that get him anything he wants. Practicing the skill of giving people what they expect. Being what they expect. And then flipping it on its head and surprising them.

If you're focusing on matching and subverting expectations, you're not necessarily being yourself. Any personal exploration of identity is hidden and alone. But on the ice, when he's performing, he can be honest. He can be seen. Because they're going to take it as fake. Think of how Minako reacted to Stammi Vicino - Viktor's earnest plea for someone to stay by his side, well, he's too charming for this to tug at the heartstrings. So he can play with stories that he won't share with anyone any other way, and he knows they'll take it as pretend.. The walls he builds don't allow him to be truly close to people. He has good relationships with other skaters, but emotionally keeps them at arm's length. He doesn't notice he's isolating. Chris and he have fun joke-flirting, but when Viktor steps away from the ice Chris doesn't seem to realize he needs this, isn't close enough to know what he's struggling with. He talks like Viktor is taking away the motivation he's entitled to by choosing to coach Yuuri. His rinkmates see him on good and bad days so they know when he struggles, and Yakov is the only person close to knowing him deeply, but even he doesn't take it seriously when Viktor burns out, so that is still limited.

For Yuri, I think his mother was going through a lot to let his grandfather take care of him. He has a lot of responsibility in that setting, and it all starts when he's so young.

I think, with Viktor being present in his life consistently from such a young age, Viktor is one of the people he sees as family. He absolutely looks up to him, just like he absolutely looks up to Yuuri. And I think he resents the emotional distance Viktor maintains.

He's not very attentive to people in general, but he's the one that explains to us how Viktor feels early in the show. When Viktor left to Japan so suddenly, I think Yura felt abandoned beyond just Viktor forgetting to choreograph a program for him. If it was just the program - he did end up getting Agape, he could have just asked for that, but he tried to get Viktor to go back. I feel like he hates that Viktor went to look for a way to get his spark back somewhere else, instead of staying and finding a way out of his slump with his rinkmates. If what Viktor needs is to coach someone, why isn't Yuri good enough? He's a talented skater and he sees himself as continuing Viktor's legacy, but Viktor chose someone else for that role.

And Viktor did choose Yuuri to continue his legacy. Because Yuuri skates so beautifully, because Yuuri has so much love for Viktor's skating, because Yuuri has drive and ambition and pride and skill and he finds joy in skating, and Viktor wants to nurture all of that into the performance Yuuri deserves to show.

And along the way, he learns how to connect with people as himself. His relationships with Yuuri and Yuuri's family open doors for him to better and deeper relationships with Yuri and Chris and anyone else he wants to be close to.

About Yuuri, there's very little I can say because we know so much. So I'll just share a lighthearted headcanon a few friends and I came up with as a story idea and I just adopted.

I don't share the fanon that Phichit got him into pole dancing. In my mind, he either started himself, or it was Chris - unintentionally. I think they're friends, because of how Yuuri reacted to him in the show, like he's used to him. And I like to think Chris kept saying things that made Yuuri feel competitive. Talking about how it's great for core strength, "but it's probably not your thing." Sent pictures of himself performing difficult moves, and got pictures back because Yuuri was trying to match him or do more difficult things than him. And meanwhile Chris thinks they're showing off to each other for fun. It's how Chris knew Yuuri can keep up with him at the banquet.

I still want to write something for that last bit.

[3rdgymbros]

━ 𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬 (𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐀 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠) !

— pairing; michael kaiser x reader

— summary; he gives you a hairclip to match his tattoo ! set in the blue lock manager au.

— notes; BOOM BABY, GUESS WHO'S BACK !

❋ Even before Blue Lock, your parents have always been deeply involved in the world of professional football. Even when you were little, your weekends would be spent at gyms and stadiums, watching matches, and mingling with famous players and staff.

❋ Despite your young age, you’ve already been actively assisting your parents behind the scenes, taking on various roles like helping with administrative tasks, arranging transportation, and even fetching coffee for the coaching staff.

❋ The Bastard München football team is no stranger to you, considering their close connections to your parents. Over the years, you've seen players come and go, but one player stands out in particular ─ Michael Kaiser. Sure, he’s got a boatload of talent, but he really needs to work on that attitude of his.

❋ And, well. You’d thought he was hot for all of one second. Then he’d opened his damn mouth, and you’d been overcome with the urge to staple it shut.

❋ Your relationship with Kaiser is anything but pleasant. Kaiser's condescending attitude rubs you the wrong way, and Noel Noa and your parents often have to intervene before the two of you come to blows.

❋ You’re relieved when the football season in Germany comes to an end. This means returning home to Japan, and it means freedom from Kaiser's constant presence.

❋ As you're saying your goodbyes to the team, Kaiser approaches you with a small, delicate blue rose hairclip, mirroring the intricate blue rose tattoo stamped on his neck.

( “What is this.” “It’s a gift, of course.” “I can see that, I’m just wondering what the catch is. There’s always something up with you.” “Just think of me when you wear it, won’t you?” “Bold of you to assume I’m ever gonna wear it.” )

❋ At first, you’re taken aback by the unexpected gift. Your initial reaction is to reject it, given your tumultuous history with Kaiser. But in the end, you blow out a resigned sigh and accept his gift, unwilling to make a scene on your final day.

❋ And for all your complaints, you grudgingly have to admit that it is pretty. More than that, it’s actually useful in helping to keep your hair out of your face on particularly windy days.

❋ When Kaiser and the rest of Bastard München arrive at the Blue Lock facility for the Neo Egoist League, his smug grin is impossible to miss the moment he catches sight of that familiar bright blue glimmer in your hair. It's a moment of mortification on your part, but you absolutely refuse to let Kaiser see how much it bothers you.

( “I see you liked the gift.” “. . .” “What happened to you not wearing it, [ NAME ]?” “Oh, shut up!” )

❋ Your only regret is how your complicated relationship with Kaiser now takes center stage amidst the Neo Egoist League. What with all the hidden cameras and the way that the Blue Lock players are staring at you, you’re fairly certain that you know what the gossip topic of the week will be.

[theemporium]

[1.9k] sometimes it isn't easy being the fourth hughes' sibling. sometimes the pressure to compete with your brothers gets overwhelming. sometimes you just need a tall, hot swiss man to reassure you in the hidden crevices of a bar in jersey.

first nico fic completely influenced by @httplando

.

There was nobody in the world that was prouder of your brothers than you were. 

It took an insane amount of skill, talent and effort to even reach college level. To be scouted and sought after, to gain the attention of coaches in much higher leagues than the kids’ team in middle school. To play for a college, to gain the attraction of professional teams, to be drafted into the NHL. It was fucking insane for one brother to reach all those goals, let alone all three. 

But that was exactly what Quinn, Jack and Luke had done. 

All three of them shared a dream and all three of them have achieved it. And you genuinely could not be happier for them. You saw everything behind the scenes. You saw the work they put into it, the countless hours of training and practicing to hone that raw talent into pure skill. You know exactly what each of them sacrificed to achieve their goal of playing for the NHL. 

And yet, despite how genuinely happy and proud you were, it fucking sucked to be their sister because everything you did felt inadequate in comparison. 

Nobody in your family ever consciously went out of their way to make you feel that way. Never in a million fucking years would they ever pull something like that. But it didn’t mean that you didn’t have these feelings, that you didn’t feel that pit of bitterness and something equally as ugly and self-deprecating burning inside you whenever your parents would gush over your brothers. 

“My boys,” Ellen cooed, reaching to place her hand on Quinn’s cheek, considering he was the closest to her. “You all played so well.”

Quinn let out a small scoff. “Yeah right.”

“Hey, just because you didn’t win, doesn’t mean you didn’t play well,” Jim had retorted with a light nudge of his shoulder. 

“Couldn’t beat us this time, captain,” Jack commented, a wolfish grin on his face as he gave his older brother a mock salute that made Luke snort. 

Quinn’s eyes narrowed, but there was a smile on his face. “Next time I’ll get your asses.” 

Luke grinned. “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Regardless of who won,” Ellen spoke up, a reprimanding look on her face that managed to shut the three of them up in seconds. “I’m proud of all three of my boys, living their dream and being the damn best in the league.” 

“To the Hughes boys!” Jim jokingly toasted, lifting his glass in the air and the rest of you joined and clinked your drinks together. 

And you know. God, you fucking know that none of it was a personal jab towards you in any way, shape or form. But it was hard to fucking deny the sting you felt as your parents gushed over your brothers. It hurt when you realised there wasn’t really much to gush over when it came to you.

You had made up some shitty excuse about needing to pee when you felt the tightness in your chest. You hadn’t given any of them a chance to be concerned about your abrupt departure. You didn’t even utter a single word as you pushed your way through the crowd of the bar, the establishment heaving with members and fans from both teams. You didn’t even glance at the girl who swore at you when you barged your shoulder against her a little harsher than intended as you pushed past the toilets and into a small alcove instead.

All you could focus on was the band wrapped around your chest, getting tighter and tighter with each breath. All you could focus on was the way your lash line welled with tears that would ultimately make your mascara run. All you could focus on was the thoughts rushing through your head, far too fast for you to even fully keep up. 

All you could focus on was the fact you really weren’t okay. 

You didn’t even look up when you heard a door swing open from one of the bathrooms. You didn’t look up when you heard footsteps. You didn’t look up—or even realise—there was someone standing a few metres away until you heard a familiar voice. 

“Hey, are you okay there?”

And despite the whirling thoughts and panicked breaths, you knew exactly who that voice belonged to. And when you finally lifted your head, the shield of hair finally exposing you to the person, you could see the exact moment Nico Hischier realised it was you. 

And it took a few seconds to realise just what a state you were in. 

You felt your cheeks prickle in embarrassment. You could feel the way your entire face heated up and your stomach dropped a little at the fact Nico of all people—your brothers’ captain and the man you thought about in ways that you never should—was seeing you like this. 

“Woah, hey,” he muttered out, a frown curved onto his lips as he quickly closed the distance between you two. 

And he was overwhelming. So fucking overwhelming in a way that had your head spinning for so many different reasons. It should have felt suffocating when he squished into the small alcove of the hallway with you, especially someone of his height and build.

But it wasn’t. 

It was almost comforting, or maybe that was just how Nico was. You had seen it plenty of times with his teammates, the way he wrapped his arm around them the second they were targeted on the ice or being chirped at by the rivalling team. You watched the way he would calm them down, hold his ground, keep everything in control. 

Maybe that’s what made him such a good captain. 

“I-I’m sorry,” you managed to blubber out, a sad excuse for a laugh escaping your lips as you tried to pretend your lungs weren’t burning for some air. “I’m okay!”

But he didn’t look convinced. 

“Is this okay?” His voice was soothing, calming almost. 

You blinked, taking a few seconds to realise he had lifted his hands from his sides and another few seconds to realise what he was asking before you dumbly nodded your head. 

You blinked again, and Nico’s hands were cupping—almost engulfing—your face as his thumbs softly swiped away the tears falling down your cheeks. You watched the way his eyebrows furrowed together in concern, his cheeks flushed from whatever he had been drinking to celebrate the Devils’ win. 

“Did something happen?” He asked, so gentle in the way he spoke like he didn’t want to spook you. 

“Just…thinking,” you replied with a weak smile, your breathing still a little erratic and uncertain—and he seemed to notice.

“Breathe with me,” he murmured, taking in a deep breath and giving you a pointed look until you followed his lead. “Just like that, schatz, that’s it.”

Your eyes never left his as you copied his movements, as you took deep breaths until the band around your chest seemed to ease and the burn in your lungs was long gone. Your eyes never left him as his eyes wandered over you, almost like he was double checking you were in fact okay and not physically hurt in any way, shape or form.

“It hurts,” you whispered, catching the boy’s attention as his eyes snapped up to look at you. “It hurts when I realise I can’t really compete with my brothers. Quinn is a captain, Jack is one of the best players in the league, Luke is killing his rookie season and here I am, not even sure what I want to major in and I—”

“Hey, hey,” Nico quickly interrupted when he realised your breathing was starting to pick up again. His thumbs continued to run soothing circles over the apples of your cheek, though the frown on his face remained. “You don’t have to compete with them.”

“I know but,” you paused for a moment, and he waited as you tried to gather the words. “They are them. They are the professional hockey players. They’ve known what they wanted to be since they were practically born and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.”

“And that’s okay,” Nico assured you, and it felt a little ironic coming from another professional hockey player.

You shook your head, letting out another laugh. “And I don’t even know why I am telling you any of this because you probably want to go and celebrate your win. I mean, you do not need to be standing here and listening to my stupid problems—”

“I don’t mind,” Nico said, a soft smile on his lips. “And they aren’t stupid. Your feelings are never stupid, schatz.” 

He was your brothers’ teammate. Forget that, he was literally Jack and Luke’s captain. You had known him for as long as Jack was a part of the team. You had known him as long as he had been friends with your brothers. And yet despite in that time, you could count on one hand the amount of interactions you’ve had with the boy by yourself. 

And yet, here he was, standing in front of you with his hands holding your face and a smile that made your chest feel tight all over again. He was looking at you like your feelings were valid, like he understood. He was looking at you in a way that so many people never could. In that moment, you didn’t feel like the fourth Hughes’ sibling—you just felt like you.

But before you could even let the voice in the back of your head urging you to let the overwhelming emotions take over, the sound of your brothers’ voices snapped you out of whatever daze you were in.

“God, how long does it take for her to pee?” Jack. 

“I don’t know, she’s a girl. Maybe it takes them longer.” Luke.

“You both are so fucking stupid.” Quinn.

“I should go,” you whispered to Nico, and something in your stomach clenched as though you were about to be caught doing something scandalous. A part of you wished that was the case. “I’m sorry you had to—”

But Nico shook his head, his smile a comfort as he took a step back. “Don’t apologise.”

“Right,” you murmured as you gave him a shaky smile. “I’ll…see you later?”

He huffed out a laugh. “I’ll see you later, schatz.” 

You had quickly stepped out of the alcove before you could embarrass yourself further, finding yourself face to face with your three brothers who were busier bickering than realising you hadn’t even exited the bathroom.

You felt like your body was on autopilot for the rest of the night, but your eyes kept wandering in hopes of finding a certain someone. In hopes that you could see him with your own two eyes and confirm that the feel of his hands on your skin was, in fact, real. In hopes that maybe he was seeking you out too. 

And something in your stomach twisted in delight when your eyes met his across the bar, a grin on his lips that felt more easy-going and teasing than the soft smiles he had given you earlier. And some part of you knew that even if your interactions with the captain had been limited beforehand, something in the air shifted the second he placed his hands on you.

Because you had an inkling feeling that tonight wouldn’t be the last time you found yourself hidden in a secret place with the Swiss man, and something quite like hope sparked inside you that maybe the years of secretly crushing on your brother’s teammate was going to turn into something more.

.

[heesdreamer]

off the ice

PAIRING ➩ sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY ➩ dubbed ‘ice princess’ at an early age for you ice skating skills, you face the biggest challenge of your career when you’re paired with your rival for a competition dance.

GENRE ➩ rivals to lovers enemies to lovers

WARNINGS ➩ suggestive content, abusive figures and strict career lifestyle mentions.

WC ➩ 17.1k

DISCLAIMER : im not citing this as sunghoons personal experience with training or his career and im not making light of the abuse that goes on in the ice skating field and the strict dieting and lifestyle. also side note i literally don’t know a single technical term for skating tricks or competitions so this is my limited descriptive talented and googled information lol (not proofread)

The human body was something you’d never quite been able to grasp completely. It’s rules for right and wrong, it’s reactions to certain stimuli. The way it can bend and twist but not break yet one small accident can ruin it forever.

There was nothing you dreaded more than having that type of accident. It plagued your mind from early morning to late night, what ways you could avoid getting hurt.

Ironic considering your lifestyle choices seemed to bring nothing but hurt, only in the shape of bruised limbs and sore muscles.

Since you were 4 years old, your entire existence had been devoted to one thing. One single thing in your frame of sight, one thing that would determine your future and if you succeeded as a prodigy or failed as an old hobbyist.

On your fourth Christmas your mother had gifted you a small box that was wrapped tightly with a pretty purple bow. At that age you were, of course, more interested in the packaging itself than the contents inside it.

Little did you know, your whole entire growing life form was sitting inside the small box and you were en route to become a prodigy in the making.

For the next 15 years you spent everyday on the ice. Obviously retiring the tiny pair of skates that was hidden behind the old purple bow, you’d gone through dozens of pairs are you grew and the stitching began to fade and tear.

Throughout your school years, you lost yourself in a daze of studying followed by practice followed by studying followed by more practice. You, impressively, managed to keep a small hand full of friends despite the constant look of disappointment you’d face after canceling hangouts.

Then you were graduating, and with a big smile on your face, flowers in hand, you prepared to take a deep breath in and start your life with a blank state. The way you wanted it to be.

You scowled at the memory now as your hands smacked against the cold ice, shavings from the skid of your blade sneaking their way under your gloves and sleeves. Your deep breath of relief had been cut short by the icy chill and reminder that what you had been training for, didn’t end at adulthood.

“That’s the third time you’ve missed that.” Your coach was declaring from off on the side of the rink, ringing her hands together and peering down at you.

You didn’t mind Coach Suzy, if anything she was miles better than dealing with your mothers remarks and insults, but her need to point out the obvious wasn’t your favorite quirk of hers.

Pushing off from the ice back onto your skates, you held your scowl and did a loop around the rink to get back into the motion of it. Three tries without success was, in your standards at least, a complete failure. Your mother would be having a complete public fit if she had found the time to come today.

You simply haven’t, and did not, lose and you weren’t planning on making a late habit of it. Throughout your career you were quickly dubbed a skater to be on the lookouts for, a growing prodigy with a burning passion and a unique sense of style, the Princess of the Ice.

So to be stood here with ice under your nails like a complete amateur, was unacceptable. You furrowed your brows and prepared to send off again, picking up speed and hopefully enough momentum to complete the one jump you’d never had luck with.

Your coach’s whistle stopped you in your tracks and you turned your skate against the ice, stopping abruptly and glaring towards her in confusion. Upon the sight of her, and her newfound companion, your shoulders were deflating with annoyance and exhaustion.

Stood on her side, leaning against the railing and watching you with a half smirk and a skate digging into the ice below him, was none other than Park Sunghoon.

Park Sunghoon had begun his training around the same time as you and you two had immediately been put into comparison, despite the difference in genders never actually leading you to competing. Although, you didn’t need to be in front of judges to compete with each other.

He oozed natural talent and charisma, his body light in the air and swift on the ice. He was quickly named the best skater in your area and he’d yet to lose the title, with you always following a close second. The Ice Prince was spreading throughout the whispers of judges and growing fandoms and to make matters worse for you, he was completely humble.

“Making slushees princess?” His low mocking voice floating across the ice towards you reminded you immediately that humble, did not mean he was kind.

Quite the opposite actually. You and Sunghoon had both fully taken on the position of rivals in training and performance, paying more attention to each others marks than the ones of the girls you actually were being ranked against.

So despite your mutual popularity and matching affectionate nicknames given by the public, you’d yet to do any sort of collaborative stage or paired competition. Until this years national competition.

You came to a slow skate as you approached the two of them, doing a small spin before clumsily falling back against the railing and taking a deep breath. Your coach smiled over at you and your antics before putting on her serious face.

“It’s only three months before the competition guys and I know it’s not what either of you wanted and it’s a short timeframe but I need practice to start within the week.”

The practice and competition she was referring to was the fact your worst nightmare had come true last month when another soloist from your district was chosen to represent at this years comp. You had no idea why she was picked over you considering you routinely ranked higher than her but what’s done is done.

You had come to terms with the fact you wouldn’t be competing for the first time in your life, almost feeling a strange sense of relief at the thought, when Coach Suzy dropped the bomb on you that you were instead selected for the pair dance.

You weren’t completely unfamiliar with skating with a partner, doing some casual dances in low scale showcases and once or twice in an actually competition, but you had a bad gut feeling about who your partner would be judging by her hesitance.

And looking back over to his smirking face now, that same nasty gut feeling was sinking back in.

It wasn’t the actual performance you were necessarily worried about, Sunghoon was no doubt talented and he had more experience with partners than you. It was the enforced effort that not strangling each other everyday was going to take, that was stressing you out.

——

It was 4am and you were sat in the center of the rink, the cold ice against your legs and back wasn’t bothering you much, only a slight distraction as you read through the script and guide for your expected performance.

Your brows were furrowed as you flipped through the pages swiftly, nearly tearing them with the force you moved them. So focused in on the words in front of you, you didn’t even notice the sounds of the gates squeaking until a skate was in front of you.

Without glancing up, you sighed and flipped the booklet closed, raising it up in an attempt to hand it to the boy standing over you. You studied his signature skates with annoyance, furthering when he didn’t take the paper from you.

“I’ve read it.” He explained and you finally looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were tired but also seemed to be studying your reaction to the materiel. You briefly wondered if he was having a late night or an early morning as you drifted your gaze to his tight black turtleneck down to his sport pants.

“Is she kidding with this?” You scoffed and pushed off your hands so you were standing with him now. He didn’t say anything, watching as you tugged down your sweater and wiped your hands off on the thick fabric. “It’s like sex on ice.”

“It’s supposed to be romantic.” He offered with a raised eyebrow and he laughed when you turned your sharp glare towards him. “It’s a staple, you know it is. And besides it’s a big deal that the ice royalty are performing together.”

You didn’t miss the hint of disdain in his voice at the audience given title and you once again found yourself admiring his humbleness, despite it seemingly border-lining on insecurity occasionally.

“Why are you here?” You found yourself asking before you even realized you were starting to speak, you pushed off into a slow skate in a loop around him and he spun softly in place to watch you as you circled him.

He shrugged softly, the sharp line of his shoulders raising and falling and you quirked an eyebrow at his lack of answer. Eventually he sighed and spoke again. “I just come here sometimes..”

Immediately you understood what he meant and why he’d be at the rink at these hours. The same reasons why instead of studying at home, you were sprawled against the cold ice that was natural for you.

Sunghoon and you had never seen eye to eye but you were undoubtedly living a lifestyle that not many people your age could relate to, and that was clear to you as you spent the earliest years of your life searching for somebody who could even half understand that reasoning behind why, sometimes, the only place to go was the skating center.

“Did you want to practice what you’ve read so far or just talk.” His sharp tone was seeping into his words again, switching the atmosphere immediately and you frowned for a second before remembering who you were talking with. You scowled and laid back onto the ice, the starting position of your dance.

“On your side” He said lowly as he laid down next to you, a few inches between you. You nodded, accepting that he understood the choreography better than you, and turned towards him. Your eyes followed down the slope of his nose to his eyes that were staring at the ceiling.

It felt strange to lay on the ice in such a vulnerable position and even stranger to be laying next to Park Sunghoon.

“Don’t face me idiot.” He was sighing, without looking at you, and you groaned and turned onto your other side.

“Music cue.” You whispered and he hummed in agreement. The first part of your performance was no doubt the most awkward for you, you understood the physical contact that came with stunts and pair skating but this felt unnecessary and strange.

You rolled your body across the ice closer to Sunghoon until you were climbing overtop of him, both arms out and caging his body so you didn’t touch. He was holding in a laugh as he watched you and you glared down at him.

“This is so stupid.” You muttered and and completed the roll so you were now laying on his right side, close enough to touch now. The position didn’t last long because his next move was to do a similar roll overtop of you, pulling you up with him to a standing position.

“It’s romantic.” He repeated his teasing words from earlier but they felt a lot more intimate now that he was laying on top of you, peering down at you from under his floppy bangs. You suddenly felt the urge to kick him off of you.

“Raise your chest up.” He instructed and you did so robotically causing him to pause and glare at you. “At least attempt to look graceful.”

You groaned and flopped back down against the ice, taking a breath and counting to three before once again sitting up slightly, this time putting more emotion behind your movements.

He nodded softly as he swiftly jumped to a stand over you at the same time you moved, his hands coming up behind you to rest on your shoulder blades. He was awkwardly bent over you in a frozen position, thinking about the next move.

“I forgot.” He mumbled and you sighed, pushing him backwards on his skates and bringing yourself up to stand instead of relying on him.

“I thought you read it genius.” You growled and circled back around to your abandoned script, flipping open the first page and studying it. You glanced over at him and raised an eyebrow at the zoned out look on his face. “I wrap my arms around your neck.”

He seemed to snap out of his gaze and looked over at you quickly. “Yeah then I lift you, I remember.”

You sighed and shook your head in his direction, ignoring the quirk of his dark eyebrow and obvious confusion at your motion. Without another word you turned and started skating back towards the edge of the rink, preparing to silently call it a night and start again tomorrow at practice.

“So that’s all you’ve got then?” You ignored his voice as it echoed from across the ice, by now you were far to use to his quick one lined remarks to truly let it have any effect on you. “Didn’t realize you were so content with losing princess.”

The sound of the ice under your skate was almost deafening as you turned your foot and squealed to a stop, ice flakes kicking up onto your ankles from the force of the abrupt brake.

You spun around and were back in his space in seconds, eyes burning from under your sweaty bangs and he stared down at you with amusement and that competitive fire you were used to seeing from him.

“I don’t lose Park.” You were spitting the words in his direction, the tips of your skates brushing against his with a soft clank that went unheard. You lifted a hand towards his chest and jabbed a finger onto the fabric of his turtleneck, causing him to softly rock backwards a few centimeters. “And I won’t start now so get your shit together and reread the script.”

——

Some mornings you felt almost robotic in the way you could wake up and be at practice before you even registered brushing your teeth, a quick blur of familiarity and installed routine.

Other mornings you wondered how much it would hurt to have to peel your skin from off your mattress, the imagery being the most accurate representation of how it felt to wake up and actually get started.

You were falling somewhere in the middle today, trudging through the lobby of the sports center with puffy eyes and jutted out lips to match. Marching past Coach Suzy, you ignored her furrowed brows.

“What is with the two of you today?” She was calling from behind you and you didn’t need to ask her what she was talking about, catching sight of the other half of her reference already out on the ice and wearing the same clothes from when you’d last saw him. You suppose your question of late night or early morning was answered now.

After you had laced up your skates and pushed out onto the ice, he offered you a quick nod of subtle acknowledgment.

“What.. no morning princess?” You admit you were grumbling as you skated past him, planning to warm up with a few loops around the rink. He caught up to you as you started, skating backwards so he could face you.

“I knew you secretly liked it.” His retort caused you to scoff and turn your eyes into a glare, although you both noted the lack of usual serious intensity. You were too tired to go back and forth with him today and judging off the darkness under his eyes, he was in a similar boat.

“She’s going to run us into the ground today.” You replied with instead, a subtle warning in your voice and he quirked an eyebrow at the casual conversation you were initiating.

“Looking forward to it princess.”

——

You were regretting not taking your own warning more seriously, hours had passed and most the other skaters at the center had packed up and went home, sparing you and your partner a pity filled glance as they left.

Coach Suzy had been relentlessly instructing you repeat and repeat the steps until they were perfection, even stopping you a few dozens times before you’d even completed the first move citing it was “messy and emotionless”.

“Where’s the chemistry.” She was shouting from the sidelines and you sighed loudly from your place above Sunghoon, he was holding you up by your waist for one of the smaller stunts and you felt him peering up at you. “There’s no passion.”

“Yeah, no shit.” You heard Sunghoon muttering as he gently set you back down onto the ice before, not so gently, kicking it with his blade in frustration.

You were standing still on the ice, taking a deep breath and resting your head back to look up at the glass ceiling above you, seeing the blue hue of the sun finishing setting. You wiped the sweat from your forehead and brought your attention back to your coach.

“Tell us how to fake it and we will.” You told her earnestly. You were frustrated that she wasn’t allowing you to fully practice the moves with eachother, despite understanding the need for a show of emotion to capture the audience, what was the point if you fell on your ass during a poorly practiced stunt.

“You can’t fake chemistry princess.” As much as you admired and respected your coach for the years of her life she dedicated towards you and your career, you couldn’t help but flinch at the way she spat the title at you. Her tone was almost mocking as frustration got the best of her.

Sunghoon came into frame, skating forward and placing himself in front of you. You couldn’t see his face but judging by the way your coach’s features softened over his shoulder, you imagined his expression showed he wasn’t happy with the way she was speaking to you.

“I don’t mean to be like this.” She shook her head and wrung her mittened hands together. “There’s lots of reasons here why it’s important for you kids to win…. Stuff we can talk about soon.”

Neither of you spoke for a bit, staring at her off in the distance and still catching your breaths from the intense practice. Sunghoon turned his head to look at you from over his shoulder and you nearly smiled at the familiar fire in his gaze. You nodded at him in confirmation.

“Don’t worry, we’re winning.”

——

“What part of this are you not fucking understanding.” Sunghoon’s irritated yell was hitting the back of your head as you skated a bit away in anger, taking deep breaths and attempting to not escalate the situation. “It’s a simple cascade down, it’s not even a stunt.”

“I understand it asshole.” You were spinning around to face him, your voice coming out loud and bouncing across the ice. “Maybe if you supported me better it’d be easier to want to drop down.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, watching you with downturned eyes behind his messy bangs and catching his breath slightly. Then he was shaking his head and skating towards the edge of the ice, opening the gate and looking back at you expectantly.

You watched him with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl, not understanding what he was silently insinuating or why you would cut practice short after only 6 hours. Only two days had past since the talk with your coach and if anything, you’ve only gotten more hostile towards each other.

“Let’s go.” He eventually spoke with a sigh, annoyed he had to spell it out to you. “I know a place that’s open.”

The place he was referring to was apparently a 24 hour diner placed just two blocks from the center. You’d never seen it before and this didn’t surprise you considering you rarely went anywhere besides practice and home and even more rarely ate out.

You weren’t exactly sure how you felt about eating out somewhere that seemingly only served classic American grease fest and milkshakes, but Sunghoon seemed comfortable and relaxed as he slid into the booth opposite you.

You were questioning now if you’d ever seen him look so casual. Sure, he was known to be friendly and he obviously was no stranger to jokes and teasing but if you saw him here any other time, you’d think he was just a regular student without a care.

This left a weird pit in your stomach considering the fact he wasn’t a regular student and neither were you, and acting like one wouldn’t do you any good when it came to your future or this competition.

Still your thoughts fizzled out when the older waitress wandered over to your table, pocketing her order book with familiarity as she looked at the boy sat across from you.

“Sunghoon, it’s been too long sweetie.” She was smiling brightly down at him and he was glancing at you with a half smirk, you almost sensed bashfulness in his expression. “Is this your girlfriend?”

It took you a second to realize she was referring to you, her warm motherly gaze falling to your side and cocking her head in anticipation for a response. Your mouth parted in surprise as you fumbled for an answer.

“She’s a friend.” Sunghoon rushed out before you could, awkwardly avoiding your gaze picking at the old chipped vinyl on the table. You furrowed your eyebrows at the use of the word. Was he just avoiding more questions or did he actually consider you two to be friends?

The waitress looked between the two of you with a quirked eyebrow and you felt slight annoyance at the teasing glint in her eyes, like she knew something you didn’t. You opted for staring at the table infront of you, watching Sunghoon’s anxious habit. She muttered something about getting his usual and then she was off back into the kitchen.

Sunghoon cleared his throat and you looked up at him from behind your hair. He was watching you, still with an air of awkwardness, and you once again noted how different he looked in this setting.

“Why are we here?” You automatically felt bad at the harshness in your tone and if it was anybody else you’d apologize or take it back. But you could tell that he understood you were frustrated and tired from practice and antsy about wasting time.

“Coach said we don’t have any chemistry.” He explained and you gave him a look that made him chuckle under his breath. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. “I don’t know, I thought maybe we should try to have an actual conversation.”

“We have conversations.” You butt in, shaking your head like it was an obvious statement. You’d known the boy for almost your entire life, even if you were reluctant to admit it, you’d spoken to him more than most people you know.

“When’s my birthday.” His voice penetrated your line of thought and you looked back up at him, slightly shrinking at the question. “Do I have any siblings? Matter of fact, have you ever even seen me outside of the center?”

You were glaring at him as he spoke, although you couldn’t deny what he was saying. You wracked your brain for any counter argument, grasping at straws. “Three years ago I saw you at a 7/11.”

“Woah.” He raised an eyebrow at this and smiled down at you, looking slightly surprised when you offered a small smile back. “What was I doing?”

“Buying snacks.” You gave him a disapproving stare. You weren’t lying about this, much to your surprise you had caught him a few winters ago with two handfuls of restricted snacks and a jumbo soda balanced in his arm.

“And you didn’t rat me out?” He was definitely teasing but you still thought you heard a bit of surprise and truth in his words, like he genuinely expected you to run and tell on him. “Wait, why were you at 7/11?”

For a moment you considered lying, telling him you were getting pain pills or a protein bar but this new excited look on his face was silently urging you to lean into the openness of the conversation.

“Isn’t it obvious? I was buying snacks.” You leaned back in the booth and crossed your arms. A loud laugh pushed past his lips and your eyes widened slightly at the sound, more used to chuckles or scoffs.

His tired gaze softened on you slightly at your surprised expression but before he could speak or continue the conversation, a second waitress was returning with your food (two orders of Sunghoon’s ‘usual’).

You were staring down at the plate with a curious expression, slightly overwhelmed by the amount of food placed in front of you. You could feel his stare on you as you studied it and you lifted an eyebrow without looking up at him. “How do you practice after eating all this?”

He snorted another laugh and unraveled his silverware, leaning forward again to cut up your pancakes. You lifted your gaze to watch him as he did this, sleeves rolled up on his arms and eyes concentrated on his task. After finishing with the pancakes, and taking half for himself, he answered your question vaguely.

“Intensely.” His reply caused you to frown slightly and you were grateful for his habit of avoiding eye contact so he didn’t see the pity in your gaze.

It was no secret to anyone, and especially to you, that your sport was a tough one with intense practice and overall lifestyle. You’d spent more time than you’d admit worrying about the health of other kids you trained with and that included Sunghoon, who always seemed to be working ten times as hard as everybody else.

“How about once a week?”

“What?” He looked confused at your words and paused mid bite of his scrambled eggs, eyeing you with a question in his gaze.

“Once a week we eat here.” You explained, awkwardly toying with a piece of bacon in front of you. “Like… together.”

His silence was driving you crazy and you felt your heart rate increasing with each second that he didn’t respond to you, even with a rejection laugh or an awkward denial at your attempt to get closer. You reminded yourself that this was for the sake of winning and spared him a glance. He was watching you with a familiar smirk and you sighed softly.

“I knew you liked me princess.”

——

A few days had passed since the start of your new weekly ritual with Sunghoon, days full of practice and studying the demo video the two of you had scrapped together the week prior. You were watching it now and even though it was messy and unpolished, you felt semi proud at the way the two of you looked on the ice together.

Picturing it with more practice, the right facial expression and some competition level costumes and you were starting to understand why this was something people were looking forward to. And they definitely were.

Proven by the way a newspaper was smacked onto the ice infront of you, causing you to jump slightly before lowering the iPad and glancing at it to see a poorly edited photo of you and Sunghoon on the cover. You glared down at the paper and the latter mentioned laughed from above you.

“We’re the talk of the town.” You could hear the smile on his face and you pushed the paper away from you.

“I’m pretty sure we have actual photos together.” You mumbled. “Why did they edit it like that?”

You looked up in time to see him shrug and to also take in his attire. He was wearing a form fighting black turtleneck T-shirt that was tucked into his usual sport pants. Your gaze went down to his white gloves and he took notice of your stare, wiggling his fingers mockingly.

“Go change.” You frowned, standing up to reveal your similar outfit, only your shirt was white and your gloves were black, perfectly matching his in opposite colors.

He stared down at you with an annoyed expression and for a second you considered pushing him backwards on his skates, not liking that the toe of yours were nearly touching his. You decided against it at the thought he might trip and fall.

“Less talking, more practice.” You looked over at the new voice to see your coach, her hair messy from the snow outside as she unraveled her red scarf from around her neck. “Oh don’t you two look cute.“

You groaned at her comment referring to your matching outfits, turning and skating away from Sunghoon and over to where she was sitting along the sidelines. You vaguely heard the sound of his skates following behind you and you noted his lack of comment at her teasing remark.

“Did you see this?” You turned the paper towards her direction and she looked up in question, eyes brightening when she caught sight of what you were holding.

“Oh it’s wonderful.” She chirped out and you glanced back at Sunghoon, who mirrored your look of confusion. “It’s even better than I expected.”

“So you knew about it?” Sunghoon voice was closer than you expected it to be and you almost turned around and shoved him away before remembering your coach’s frantic need for you two to cooperate, and your deal made the other night. Still you weren’t quite used to his casual presence yet.

“Knew about it? I asked for it.” She explained and you gave her an incredulous look, shifting your eyes to the photo and bold headline.

Directly above the edited photo of the both of you, adorning crowns and a few photoshopped hearts between you was the large capital words, ‘ICE ROYALTY! ROMANCE ON ICE… AND OFF?’

You let a few beats pass as you stared at the cover, letting her get the read on your feelings towards the situation. “Why on earth would you do that?”

Sunghoon was clearing his throat behind you and you were grateful that he was seemingly going to add his two cents in, in agreement against the article. “I mean… it gets people curious.”

Your mouth parted and you spun around to face him, this time when your skates bumped into eachother you did push him slightly backwards. He seemed to be expecting it and glided a few inches away from you easily, his relaxed expression only adding to your annoyance.

“In what world do we need rumors and idiocy to win this?” You spat at him and his lip turned down for just a second before his eyebrows hardened. “We should be practicing not standing here talking about stupid fake headlines.”

“Oh but you seem pretty content storming out of practice whenever you get a little bit frustrated.” He spat back at you and you faltered for just a second, not expecting such anger directed back towards you. Overwhelmed, your mind shot straight to defense.

“Maybe because you’re impossible to be around.” You hissed towards him, fist clenched at your side. You both fell quiet and you shut your eyes for a second, willing him to say something back so your impulsive words weren’t left hanging in the cold air between you.

“That’s enough.” Your coach’s voice sounded tired but firm and you kept your eyes shut, regret seeping into your skin. You didn’t want to see his expression, regardless if it was hatred or hurt. “No practice for a few days, go home early.”

——

Not being on the ice was making your skin itch and your head feel like it was floating ten feet away from your body on a thin rope. You were thankful for the snow falling outside, accompanying you on cold walks and slightly keeping you grounded. It wasn’t often you had a break from practice and maybe there was times where this was all you wanted, but something felt heavy and wrong about the way things had occurred.

You felt even worse about what you had said to Sunghoon because you had meant it. Maybe not in the way he took, as a personal hit at his character, but definitely in the way that your competitive and insecure nature had crafted up your whole life.

It was almost impossible to be calm and in the right headset with somebody who seemed to be relaxed and carefree despite living the same life as you, you who could barely get through the day without multiple stress driven outburst.

Especially now, standing outside the diner, you realized how much better of a person he was than you. If he had said those words to you, you wouldn’t have shown up tonight. Maybe you would have even begged for a new partner or dramatically switched training halls.

But as you stood wrapped tightly in a thick jacket and a scarf, shaking from the cold and dark walk over here, you stared at the side of his face through the foggy window and took a deep guilty breath.

The entrance bell ringing as you pushed open the frosty door seemed louder than normal and so did the silence that screamed between the two of you as you sat down across from him. He didn’t look at you as you approached and for a moment you wondered if he only came to see if you would.

Then the waitress was circling around and placing a hot drink in front of you, offering you a small smile and a head nod. You managed a confused smile back at her but raised an eyebrow at the drink you didn’t order.

“It’s hot chocolate.” Sunghoon spoke and your eyes widened, shooting up towards him. He was watching you with a careful expression. “It’s cold and you don’t drink coffee.”

You wondered how he knew that about you, when he had observed you enough to have a fact that small stored away. You didn’t voice your confusion, giving him a small nod and taking off your gloves so you could wrap your cold hands around the warm mug.

“I can pull myself out of the competition.” You stopped mid sip as he started to speak, avoiding eye contact with you and fiddling with this thread of his fingerless mittens. “I guess I didn’t realize how hard of a time you were having.”

“I’m not.” You rushed out, immediately flushing at the loud volume of your voice. He looked shocked at your words, watching as you set down the mug carefully and put your elbows on the table. “I’m not having a hard time… well not because of you atleast. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and you were curious what he was thinking about, not for the first time you found yourself wishing he was not so nice, then maybe he’d have a burst of anger and lay everything on you. You wanted him to call you spoiled or rude, anything other than that soft look he was giving you.

“I’ve always had a hard time.” You don’t know where it came from, the sudden personal statement causing him to tilt his head in the terrible, genuinely curious way that he did. You felt an overwhelming sense that if you didn’t tell him something about you right now, that would be it.

“With me?” His eyebrow cocked and yours furrowed.

“No… or yes.” His lip quirked downwards and you hurried to finish your sentence before a repeat of the other day occurred. “Not because of you but because of me. Because I’m jealous of you and how good you are at everything.”

He seemed to take this in for a second before a scoff escaped his lips, the smile on his face letting you know it was semi lighthearted.

“You’re jealous of me?” His shock was genuine and he leaned back in the booth and sucked a breath in through his teeth. The loud hissing sound made you wince. “And all this time I’ve thought the same about you.”

“Oh whatever.” You mumbled, both not believing what he was saying and not feeling comfortable at the unfamiliarity of the back and forth compliment.

“I mean it.“ Something in the way Sunghoon said it made you want to believe him. “You’re like a natural out there. Living up to your title, if I do say so myself.”

“It doesn’t feel natural, and don’t forget who got the title first.” You felt a bit childish to be refusing his attempt at being civil, nice even, but that nasty insecure part of you wouldn’t allow you to take any compliments from him.

“Well I was excited to be paired with you.” He raised his shoulders in a shrug and you watched him carefully from under your eyelashes. He smiled at you awkwardly when you didn’t immediately respond and your lip jutted out into a pout.

“I’m sorry Sunghoon.” The words felt weighted and empty as you forced them out but you truly meant what you were saying and you hoped he could see that beneath your initial tone. He looked slightly taken back at the use of his first name.

Luckily, he nodded at you and leaned forward on his elbows again, pushing your mug back towards you with two steady fingers. You watched his hand as they came closer to your side of the table, feeling a bit embarrassed when the mug stopped infront of you, insinuating he wanted you to finish the warm liquid.

After a beat you glanced up at him and immediately dropped your gaze back down to the steamy cup at the smirk on his face, his fingers lingering for just a moment before retracting back to under the booth.

“Finish, we have work to do.”

——

“Exactly! That’s exactly it right there.” Sunghoon’s excited words barely registered to you over the sound of your loud panting.

You were leaned over, elbows on your knees and eyes closed shut in an attempt to catch your breath. You’d been going at it relentlessly the last few days, nearly perfecting the basic moves but still needing to add the flare the judges would be looking for.

Sunghoon and you had been getting along for the most part, small spurts of bickering and burst of frustration due to complicated moves but nobody has stormed out or lost any fingers, so it was a win in your book.

“Again.” He was chiming from a few feet away and you glared up at him from behind your sweaty bangs causing him to laugh before assuming his position on the floor.

You were slowly becoming used to it now, the close proximity, the faux romance on your expressions. You were a professional and that’s all this truly was, work. But you were feeling slightly childish about the way you couldn’t get use to his hands on you.

Telling yourself it was just awkwardness, maybe even lingering animosity you were holding that made your stomach turn every time his big hand wrapped it’s way around some part of you, you laid on the ice a few feet away from him.

You routinely rolled over top of him, movements robotic as you avoided looking down at him and he tensed slightly.

When it was his turn to do the same, he paused above you and you frowned, waiting for him to move off of you so you could ease into the next portion.

Instead he stayed in place, caging you in as he balanced himself on his forearms. For a second you thought about the core strength it’d require to hold a plank on ice before shaking your head and internally scolding yourself.

“You’re distracted.” He was saying above you and you felt his breath on your cheek, strongly opposing the cold ice your other one was pressed against. His voice was low and telling, not a question.

“No I’m not.” You scoffed, or atleast the best you could considering if you took a deep inhale your chest would press against his. “Maybe you’re distracted.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you looked at him, still refusing to turn your head incase your noses touched. He was looking down at you intensely however and your stomach flipped again.

“I am.” His voice was firm but you looked at him just in time to see his eyes awkwardly shoot around your face, hesitation in his gaze.

You weren’t fully sure what he was implying and you definitely weren’t going to reply without him outright saying that it was you he was distracted by, the presumed humiliation making you furrow your eyebrows.

The thought crossed your mind that he was making fun of you, that he had someone noticed how hard it was for you to focus around him and was trying to bait a confession out of you.

You turned your head finally, not flinching at the way his nose bumped against yours or the sharp inhale he took at the sudden contact. You held his gaze for just a few seconds before starting to speak.

“Get off me Park.”

He faltered for a second like he wasn’t expecting that sort of response, body completely locking above yours before quickly rolling over onto his back next to you and awkwardly sitting up.

“I’m sorry.” He rushed out and you finally took a big breath before also sitting up and avoiding looking at him. He watched as you stood completely and you felt his eyes on you. “I don’t know why I said that Y/N.”

“It’s not a big deal.” You lied smoothly, keeping your voice steady and shrugging softly as you wiped off the ice shavings that was stuck on your leggings. He was still watching you and you heard him sigh in embarrassment.

“From the start?” He eventually muttered and you glanced over at him, shaking your head.

“I have to head out actually.” You tried to keep your tone casual but he looked pained, obviously not falling for your excuse and realizing you were leaving because of what he said. “First thing tomorrow?”

He didn’t say anything but you knew he had heard you and started to skate off the ice, face flushing with awkwardness as you finally took a breath and accessed what had just happened.

If you weren’t mistaken and he wasn’t pulling some sick joke on you, which judging by his mortified reaction you highly doubted that, Park Sunghoon had just attempted to make a pass at you.

Park Sunghoon who, for the better part of your life, had done nothing but drive you absolutely crazy with anger and jealousy. The same boy who thought it was funny to tie your laces together and watch videos of your failed jumps on the waiting rooms big screen.

You were absolutely sickened by the idea of it and even worse, the fact that the red painting your cheeks was not because of anger.

Storming out from the hall into the snowy night, your stomach was twisting again with what you now fully understood was not nauseation.

It was the stone cold realization that you liked Park Sunghoon.

—-

You hadn’t exaggerated on your call for early practice the next day, entering the hall before the sun had even risen yet.

It didn’t help you’d spend the entire night tossing and turning and screaming into your pillow as you replayed the scenario in your head over and over, analyzing every awkward second of silence or quirk of his eyebrows.

You’d come to the conclusion, at some point during your fourth hour of restlessness, that Sunghoon hadn’t been joking and he was absolutely attempting to flirt with you or at least was testing the waters.

This realization was nothing short of crippling and you almost considered not coming in today, making faking a cough or a sore throat. But the clock was ticking on your time to practice before the competition and with this added distraction, you needed all the time you could get.

So it was driving you a bit insane as the second hour passed and Sunghoon still hadn’t arrived to practice. You hadn’t entered the rink yet, anxiously sitting in the locker room with your skates half tied as you rocked your knees back and forth.

You imagined he would be embarrassed, maybe he hadn’t even thought before he spoke and it came across wrong, but for him to not show up at all was something you couldn’t accept.

Before another minute of waiting could pass you were pulling your phone out and doing something you’ve, somehow, never done before and texting him.

y/n : After all this and you aren’t going to show up? I don’t know about you but this is really important to me and I’m sick of the childishness.

You sent the message before you considered how harsh it was, leaning forward and groaning as your forehead hit your knee. Your phone was clutched to your chest as you waited for the buzz to signal he responded.

It never came and you felt your heart sink to your stomach, smushing its way past the irritation and anger you’d been accumulating the past hour.

You flung your skates off with a yell, wincing internally at the loud echoed bang of them hitting the metal seats that rang throughout the room. Standing swiftly, you stuffed them into your locker and slammed it shut before turning on your heel and going to leave.

In your fury driven urgency to get outside you didn’t peer around the corner before rounding it, resulting in you falling back against the floor as you smacked roughly into somebody approaching at the same time.

You let out another loud groan as you hit the floor, head striking the ground that was luckily covered in rubber mats designed for your skates blades. Still, a wave of pain washed over you at the force in which you fell.

“Fuck.” To make matters worse, you immediately registered as he spoke that it was Sunghoon you’d smacked into. He was leaning down to check you, a hand jutted out in an attempt to help you up. “I’m so sorry I’m late, something came up and-“

“I don’t care.” You cut him off in a snap causing his face to drop in guilt. You ignored his outstretched hand and pushed yourself to a standing position. “I’m leaving.”

“Y/N, I really am telling the truth.” He rushed out, eyes big and desperate. You glared at him and tried to move down the exit hall again, behind stopped by his large frame as he stepped sideways in your way.

“Whatever it is I can’t imagine it could be more important than practice.” You felt the irony in your words as you spoke them, wanting to wince at how similar you sounded to your mother but you were acting on anger.

He seemed to realize this now, deflating with a sigh and staring down at you with his sharp eyebrows pulled to the center of his forehead.

“Let me show you.”

——

You weren’t exactly sure how he had managed to get you here considering how hell bent you’d been on avoiding him or strictly practicing, nothing in between.

But somehow, half an hour later, and you were sat frowning in his passenger seat. Your arms were crossed in irritation and you were stiff and tight in the seat, resisting the urge to look around and analyze his car.

Truthfully you hadn’t even realized he knew how to drive, although it suddenly made sense considering you’d never seen a parent of his at the rink and he always was there at odd hours of the night without the cold bitten cheeks you typically had.

Sunghoon had a strong point when he said you didn’t know anything about each other, you knew it was truthful when he had said it but it was weighing on you now as you looked over at him as he drove.

He looked nervous, shoulders higher and more tense than they usually were but he was sat comfortably in his seat, only one hand on the steering wheel like he’d been driving for a long time. You wondered when he had learned, who had taught him or if maybe he’d taught himself.

You’d never thought of Sunghoon as lonely. He was always bouncing around competitions with a bright smile, chatting with judges and opponents and even with your own mother a few times.

You remember being 15, face red and puffy from the tears you’d shed after she’d given you a strict scolding in the bathroom after a low scale contest. He had approached afterwards, ready to throw some quick jabs and comments your way before seeing the look on your face.

Instead he had struck a conversation with her, making funny faces at you over her turned shoulder as she spoke in her familiar harsh tone. You remember laughing into your glove and then watching him as he walked away, trying to catch sight of his mom.

He seemed to know how to handle strict parents so you were curious if he was raised similarly, but you were just left confused as he left the rink by himself.

“See that right there,” Your mother had spoken in a low voice, leaning towards you on the bench. “Some parents don’t even show up to these things, you should be more grateful.”

You couldn’t stop thinking about that now as you pulled into a parking lot, blue hour was settling in now as the afternoon bled on. The drive was just over an hour but it was getting darker sooner in the day as you went deeper into the winter.

He sucked in a breath and you felt him look over at you like he was waiting for you to say something about where you were. You didn’t but you turned your head to meet his gaze, raising an eyebrow for an explanation.

It looked like he was considering giving you one for a second and then he changed his mind, taking his keys and getting out of the car. You watched him circle around to your side, opening your door for you and waiting for you to step out.

You silently followed him into the building, passing by a reception desk with a large man who gave Sunghoon a smile and a nod. You stared at his comfortable shoulders as he walked through the winding hallways with ease, clearly familiar with them.

The building resembled a hospital, dull colors and the buzzing of LED lights making your head spin slightly but the similarities between the people in the rooms you were passing told you what it truly was.

Sunghoon stopped infront of a room with a closed door and looked over at you, again like he was expecting you to speak. You didn’t and he eventually sighed and turned to open the door after a beat.

“Sunghoon? Is that you?” You stayed by the door, letting it close softly behind you, as he walked into the room and pulled back a privacy curtain that was hanging from a rod on the ceiling. You froze in place at the sight of the older woman in the bed, machines hooked around her with dull beeps and chimes.

“Yeah Nana.” His voice was lower than you’d heard it before and your eyes went to him as he softly lowered himself to sit on her bed. He glanced at you and waved a hand, signaling for you to come closer.

For a second you wanted to shake your head, to back track out of the room and wait for him down the hall. You didn’t understand why he would take you here, why he would show you this part of his life or what this meant.

But you let your feet fall forward and stepped into her view, breath catching when he outstretched a hand to grab your wrist and pull you closer at a faster pace. The feeling of his skin against yours combined with her questioning gaze made your face flush.

“Oh.” Her mouth parted in shock and you bowed your head slightly with a smile in greeting, not fully trusting yourself to speak. “You must be Y/N.”

Your eyes widened and you looked towards Sunghoon who had a similar expression, hanging his head so he didn’t have to meet your eye.

“You’ve heard about me?” You spoke softly, a louder volume feeling intrusive in the quiet room. The lights were dimmed low and the curtains were drawn giving the space a warm calm atmosphere.

“Oh he doesn’t shut up about you.” She was smiling at you and reaching out a shaky hand for you to take. You went to lift your left hand and felt the weight of Sunghoon’s on your wrist still, faltering and looking at him.

He looked embarrassed and confused, like he hadn’t even realized he was still holding onto you. He went to remove his grip but you twisted your hand and pulled his into yours, squeezing it tightly. You gave her your free hand instead.

It was a bit jarring to you and out of your element and you felt a bit of panic building in your throat. Being here was strange and Sunghoon being beside you was every stranger.

The weirdest part of all was the absolute care and adoration on this woman’s face, a strange you’d never seen before holding your hand with such delicacy. You felt yourself tear up slightly thinking how nice it must’ve been to grow up with such a person in your life.

You glanced at Sunghoon at this thought, you were still standing beside the bed holding both their hands while he sat and he was already looking at you. He seemed slightly taken back by your glossy eyes but he smiled at you warmly like he understood the reasoning.

And you were realizing now that he did.

It wasn’t the first time it had occurred to you that he was lonely but it was definitely the first time you really processed it. Maybe it was this new found care you had for him, this pull at your heart when you thought back to the boy with nobody to see his competition performances.

“Why are you back here sweetheart.” Sunghoon’s grandmas soft voice was speaking again and you glanced over at her, avoiding his eye contact when you felt his thumb rub the back of your hand.

You suddenly realized this was why he was late, obviously held up in a visit or maybe a medical emergency. Guilt hit you as you remembered your harsh tone and processed the fact he had driven the hour to practice and then turned around and brought you back here.

“I thought it was probably time the two of you met.” He lied naturally, squeezing your hand as if he was signaling for you to go along with it. You didn’t say anything, too busy wondering what all she knew about you, how long had you been a subject of conversation between the two.

You can’t imagine all the conversations were pleasant but her eyes held absolutely no sign of disdain or malice.

“You two must be so busy.” The soft croak in her voice made your stomach hurt and she shakily squeezed your hand causing you to do the same to Sunghoon’s in a ripple effect. You realized she was looking at you for a response.

“It isn’t too bad.” You assured her, smiling softly and you faintly heard Sunghoon scoff from beside you. You glared quickly at him and he lifted his free hand in mock surrender.

“I know it’s tiring.” His grandma was continuing and you looked back over at her, her eyebrows turning inwards. Her expression was shockingly similar to his and you let a heavy silence fall between the three of you.

You were once again wondering what type of things they talked about, if she was looking pained at the thought of her grandsons tiring lifestyle or if he had mentioned something about you and your own strict regimen.

It didn’t feel like the time to ask questions and you especially didn’t think you had the right to curiosity.

You’d shown Sunghoon a lot of coldness in the past few days despite his multiple attempts to get closer, and through that all he still had brought you to such an intimate personal place.

“I won’t keep you long.” Sunghoon and his grandma had been having a low voiced conversation while you were deep in thought but she was louder now, catching your attention and giving you a gentle knowing look.

You squeezed her hand one final time as a goodbye, not fully trusting yourself or your voice. Sunghoon was standing then, shoulder bumping against yours and you were overwhelming aware of the fact he was still holding your hand.

You welcomed it, feeling cold and bitter when the door opened to reveal the harsh white of the nursing homes lights that sharply contrasted Mrs. Parks yellow tinted room.

Without thinking you were pulling his arm closer, so your left hand was wrapped in his and your right arm was holding his sleeve against your chest, practically hugging his arm as you walked.

If the sudden closeness shocked him he didn’t show it, not making a move to remove you even as you passed back through the lobby and out the front doors.

It was darkening now despite it barely being 5pm, the short light of winter days making you colder than you’d ever been. The irony of the princess of the ice saying that didn’t miss you.

He paused when you reached his car and you felt him look at you. He was obviously trying to get a gauge of what you wanted to do considering you were glued to his side. You let him go reluctantly and walked swiftly to the passenger side before pulling yourself up into the car.

He was sitting down by the time you pulled your seatbelt on, starting the engine but not making any move to drive or fully situate himself. You imagined he was waiting for you to say something again and this time you didn’t want to disappoint him.

“She’s nice.” You felt pathetic as you spoke the words, nice not beginning to describe the situation or how you felt but you fell short like always when it came to affection.

Luckily he seemed to know exactly what you meant, something he did a lot you were realizing. He seemed to know when you were truly mad versus just tired and frustrated, he knew your distaste for coffee and he knew how to make you laugh despite your moms scolding.

You watched him as he nodded and tried to contain a fond smile for his grandma, biting his lip softly and forming a small dimple on his cheek.

“Do you come here a lot?” You were talking again and this seemed to take him off guard for just a second before he was neutralizing his expression like he was worried he’d scare you off.

“Everyday.” He was humming and leaning his head back against the seat, turning it lazily to look over at you. Your eyes followed up his jaw to his eyes just in time to see him quirk an eyebrow. “If I can.”

“And you talk about me?”

He snorted a laugh at your bluntness and the suggestion behind your words, eyes squeezing shut in a chuckle. You found yourself almost entranced studying his features.

“Not all the time princess.” The familiar pet name caused a similar reaction to normal, blood surging and stomach turning. You tried to ignore the fact it wasn’t driven by anger like it typically was, something much heavier replacing it now.

“But sometimes?” You pressed forward and leaned your elbow onto the middle console as the leather creaked under the weight. The noise caused his eyes to snap open and look at you, realizing you were closer now as you leaned in his space.

He hummed again and his eyes tracked down your face, similarly to the way you were studying him. “Yeah, sometimes.”

You didn’t say anything, a bit lost for words now that he was looking at you. It had never passed by you that he was handsome, probably the most striking person you’d ever seen in your life but without the usual cloud of anger fogging your mind, he was especially alluring.

“What do you say?” You voice came out as a whisper, almost falling forward from how far you were leaning on your elbows. He wasn’t moving in his seat, watching you unconsciously come closer with tired eyes.

He shrugged and lifted an eyebrow, hand falling forward on the middle console as he let a finger unravel and skim across your forearm.

“What do you say Sunghoon.” You ignored the goosebumps that his touch caused, questioning him further. You almost didn’t care about his answer anymore, you just wanted to hear him talk again.

His gaze hardened at the use of his first name, shifting in his seat but not turning his body to face yours. He kept his head turned towards you however, letting your breath fan his face every time you took a shaky exhale.

“Nothing bad.” He was speaking in a low tone, not fully paying attention to the conversation anymore.

“I want to hear though.”

“I wanna kiss you.” He tensed for a second as the words found their way out of his mouth without him meaning for them to. His shoulders relaxed seeing the way your mouth parted in shock.

You felt like a cold tidal wave had hit you as he spoke, face heating up and then more so when his eyes fell towards your open mouth.

A large part of you instinctively wanted to shut him down, wanted to lean back in your seat and tell him to start the car and prepare for the awkward trip back to the training center.

The other part of you liked the way he looked in a darkening car and less shallowly, liked how he smiled at you when you held his grandmas hand despite you letting out your frustration on him only hours earlier.

“That’s what you and your nana talk about?” You smiled at him as you spoke, a teasing tilt in your voice. Your smile only widened when he let out a breathy laugh and pressed his forehead against yours.

“If I kiss you right now will it ruin everything.” He was whispering and you were suddenly aware of how silent it was in the car, wishing for a low buzzing radio to fill the gaps.

“It might.” You whispered back to him and you felt him raise his eyebrows against yours causing your lips to jut out in a pout.

You felt his fingers dancing along your forearm again and you felt the sudden urge to hold his hand again.

“After we win the competition I’ll kiss you.” He sounded slightly pained in his words but you heard that familiar competitive fire that was typically directed towards you.

“Or you could do it now.” You felt slightly pathetic at the whine in your voice and he made it even worse by smiling at the sound of it.

“If I do it now we might not make it home.” He had a slight groan to his voice and your stomach flipped again.

You hastily shifted your arm off the middle console to fumble around for his hand, opting for wrapping your grip around his wrist again. He glanced down at it for a second before looking back up at you.

Slightly embarrassed, you felt your cheeks heating up at your actions but the warmth of his smooth skin was addicting now that you’d actually felt it outside of practice with skin tight clothes. Paired with his suggestive words and you were a goner when it came to common sense.

“How good is your self restraint?” You eventually opted for another teasing comment, not quite sure you were charming enough to directly respond to his comment without embarrassing yourself.

“When it comes to you?” His eyes flashed with something and you briefly wondered how long he’d been thinking about this or if it was as recent of a development as it was for you. “Terrible.”

“I want to… kiss you too.” You almost face palmed at your own words, how utterly stupid and childish they sounded. He had to have figured you didn’t know how to do this, he’d only spent your entire life seeing how busy you constantly were.

He smiled at you, a genuine toothy smile that made you want to scream in embarrassment. Luckily he didn’t seem to be making fun of you and was just genuinely amused by your awkward comment.

And he was. He liked seeing sides of you he’d only caught in passing, he liked that you were teasing back with him and not pulling away or snapping into fight mode at his presence. He especially liked the way your small hand was gripping tightly onto his wrist like you were so desperate to touch him, he wasn’t allowed to remove it for even a minute.

“We’ve gotta head back princess.” You could tell by the way he said that it was his final decision but you relished in the impatience in his eyes.

He leaned back in his seat again, leaving you leaned over the console still and short of breath before flopping back against the leather and waiting for him to pull out of the parking lot.

A few seconds of silence passed and you looked at him in question, raising an eyebrow at the fact he was looking at you in waiting. You followed the way his eyes looked down and saw his hand outstretched towards you.

You definitely were bright red now, looking away but taking his hand in yours as he finally started the drive back home.

—

He’d pulled up to the center after an hour of silence and shy hand squeezes. You were thankful for his silence, more than anything needing a bit of time to think about what had happened in the past few days.

It didn’t seem like it was weighing on him as much, he seemed nervous and excited but not as much thrown off as you felt. You wondered if there was a reasoning behind that or if you he was just really good at pretending to be casual.

You were terrible at being casual, further proved by the way you’re nearly choked as his hand found it’s way to the small of your back while leading you through the parking lot and into the building.

A week ago you would have thrown him off of you and said something about how you already knew the way in and didn’t need him to show you.

You thought about it for a second, just a small second, when you passed through the lobby and your coach came into view. She was practically blowing smoke as she caught sight of the two of you and started to shake her head in anger.

“Oh so now you show up.” She spat and you froze in place, step faltering at the aggressive way she was approaching. “You think you can just skip a whole entire afternoon of practice just because you’ve gotten some good scores in your career.”

Your frown was deepening and you felt the childish urge to curl in on yourself. You’d been in such a happiness cloud since this morning and you felt like you’d been pushed off a sharp cliff back into reality.

And she was absolutely right. It was stupid to skip practice even if it proved to be extremely important and beneficial to you.

“Watch what you say.” Sunghoon was spitting back at her and taking a small step forward, his hand sliding from your back to rest on your waist. Her eyes followed the movement but you couldn’t read her expression.

“Distracted.” She spat the single word, knowing the impact of it. Knowing that was the one thing you were not supposed to be, absolutely never allowed to be. “You’re fucking distracted.”

“And so what if she is.” You’d never heard Sunghoon so angry and you wanted to grab his shoulder and pull him back, wanted to calm him down so he didn’t get reprimanded too. “She’s spent everyday of her entire life focused on one thing, it was barely a few hours.”

“A few hours turns into more.” She was practically screeching now and a few other skaters were sending you apologetic glances and scurrying away. “This is a distraction”

You felt tears well up as she gestured between the two of you, a look of anger and disgust on her face.

“Aren’t you the one who paid for this.” You were confused what Sunghoon was referring to before you remembered the news article she had ordered. A surge of anger flashed through you at the reminder, the pure hypocrisy in what she was saying.

She could spin your love life however she pleased when it was beneficial to her and her career overview but forbids you from actually spending any time with anybody other than the ice.

You didn’t want to listen to her anymore, squeezing Sunghoon’s arm in an attempt to draw his attention away and calm him down. He didn’t look at you for a second, keeping his hard glare locked on her.

She wasn’t his coach so there wasn’t anything she could directly do to punish him. Nothing besides her ability to pull you from the pair skate or request a different partner for you, severely hurting your chances of winning and his yearly average.

“I told you about this.” Her voice was nearly a whisper with the way she hissed it through her clenched teeth. You thought she was talking to you for a second but she was holding Sunghoon’s gaze tightly.

Your hand fell from his arm in confusion, not understanding what she was referring to.

“I don’t give a fuck what you told me.” He spat back and took a small step back towards you again.

You took a step to the side before you even realized you were moving away from him, only processing it when he turned to look at you with a hurt expression. You felt guilty but something about the unknown of their words was leaving a heavy pit in your stomach.

“Y/N, we can talk about this later…. Alone.” Your coach was sighing and despite your anger with her you were glad she knew when to remove herself from a situation.

You held Sunghoon’s gaze as she walked off, presumably leaving the center. He spared a quick glance in her direction to make sure she was gone before looking back at you with that same expression.

“What’s wrong.” His voice was weak and confused, a sharp contrast to the way he was just throwing daggers at Suzy.

“What is she talking about?”

He seemed thrown off for a second, taking a second to think before understanding passed over his face. He took a step towards you, a hand jutted out in your direction. Your lips formed a frown but you took his hand and waited for him to speak.

“At the beginning of the season,” He cleared his throat and your stomach turned with nerves. Maybe she had instructed him to flirt with you, to attempt closeness with you for a better performance. “Before she officially picked me, she sat me down and told me I needed to keep my feelings out of it.”

“What feelings?” You shook your head in confusion, still not fully understanding. “Like with the way we fight? That doesn’t make any sense, wouldn’t she be happy to see us civil then?”

“It wasn’t about that.” He sighed and you watched his cheeks slowly redden as his eyes anxiously shifted to avoid looking at you. “She said she could tell I… was into you and she didn’t want me to become something you focused on outside of being your skate partner.”

You pondered the thought of what he was saying for a few beats of silence, almost feeling more confused at the explanation. If you were correct then he seemed to be insinuating existing feelings towards you, and enough for other people to notice.

“This isn’t how I wanted this to happen.” He sighed again and you felt his hand uncomfortably flex in yours. “All these years of working up the nerve I figured it would be some big romantic gesture.”

He was telling a joke but his voice lacked all humor, a hint of anger seeping in like his plans had been ruined.

“What the hell are you talking about Sunghoon.” Your voice was breathy and slightly irritated, sick of everybody’s vague wordings. “You sound like you’re inlove with me or something.”

Your scoff trailed off when he didn’t say anything. You had expected him to laugh at the thought, say a teasing remark or anything at all. He stopped looking around and watched you with a strange expression, like he was waiting for you to piece things together.

You felt your mouth parting softly and you slowly dropped his hands, he didn’t try to grab yours again and gave you your space as you tried to process what he was seemingly saying.

Park Sunghoon seemed to be insinuating, or atleast not denying the fact, that he was inlove with you and had been for more than a few years.

The thought of this made you feel sick and dizzy and you almost grabbed him for support as your knees weakened.

You weren’t quite sure if it was a good sick or a bad sick. On one hand you were excited, your newly discovered liking towards him and desperation to explore this new territory driving forward the giddiness you felt at the thought of him liking you back.

On the other hand you felt disgusted. Both at yourself for missing the signs, maybe spending years hurting him with your rude comments and refusal to learn anything about him. But also at him for not telling you or even hinting it from what you could see, half the fights you’d gotten in throughout the years had been started by him.

“Since when?” Your voice came out stern and his eyes creased at the way your face scrunched up in confusion and anger.

He was shaking his head and taking a step towards you, immediately backtracking when he realized he had done so. You were watching him and waiting for a response that you weren’t sure was coming considering he was starting to look pained at the thought of telling you.

“It doesn’t matter.” He proved you right as he continued to shake his head. “It’s not a distraction, you only knew because I fucked up the other day at practice.”

“That was a fuck up?” You scoffed at him, anger making you ignore the fact that he was right and you yourself had treated it like he made a mistake.

“It shouldn’t have happened like that. I waited all this time it was selfish for me to do it now, I don’t know why I did.” He was trying to explain himself but it was just confusing you further. “I just couldn’t help myself, I don’t know, being around you like this is making me feel crazy.”

He was talking like a lovesick teenager and your stomach was lurching at the fact that might just be the case.

You don’t understand how he hid it so well, or even when he had started to realize his feelings and plan to keep them a secret. Why would he put himself through such a thing for so long and then risk it all by accepting to be your partner.

A wave of guilt washed over you again as you raked through all your memories with Sunghoon with this new added knowledge. He must’ve been so hurt while pretending like he didn’t care that you were so mean to eachother.

“Please tell me since when.” You tried to soften your voice, your anger not even directed at him in the first place just the circumstance.

“I don’t know.” His voice broke when he said it like it was a question he’d asked himself a dozen times. He took a big breath and deflated. “Probably since the first time I saw you with your little pink skates, who knows.”

You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and were suddenly hyper aware that you were having this conversation in the middle of the lobby, tears brewing in your eyes as your hands started to shake.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Sunghoon’s voice was desperate and earnest, like he felt guilty for falling inlove with you which made you feel ten times worse about the whole situation.

“Will you take me home?” You looked up at him with wet eyelashes just in time to see shock pass over his face. He clearly wasn’t expecting such a casual conversation change, especially one that entailed you spending more time alone together today.

Still, he softened as he looked at you and nodded his head slowly like he was waiting for you to change your mind. You both stood still even after his agreement, in a slight daze from the intense emotions you’d been feeling. He nodded again, more to himself this time, and you felt his hand against the small of your back starting to lead you back outside.

Neither of you spoke when you felt the cold air outside and still when he opened the passenger door for you and helped you climb into seat. He watched you for a second before closing the door and circling the car to get into his own spot.

It felt dramatically different in the space than it had only a few hours before, the giggly excited tension replaced with silence and heavy air. You were so out of it you didn’t even notice he didn’t ask for directions to your apartment.

When you realized you’d been driving for a few minutes you were confused, wondering when he had learned the way to your place, before realizing you weren’t heading in the direction you’d normally come from.

You immediately figured he was taking you to his house instead and for some reason you didn’t want to object. Despite being confused and angry and feeling slightly betrayed at this kept secret, you were comfortable and familiar in his presence and almost felt addicted to being around him.

Besides you know that there was nothing this warm and caring waiting for you back home. If your mother was there at all, she was bound to throw a massive fit over you missing practice.

It was worrying to you that you couldn’t find a single piece of care inside of you about missing practice. If anything, your chest was light and airy underneath all the pain and you weren’t sure it’d ever felt this stress free in your life.

You were slowly understanding why you were never given a break, why a day off was unacceptable. Maybe they were fearful you’d fully realize how much better you’d feel without this force of pressure and expectation.

Sunghoon wasn’t the reason you were distracted, at least not from the competition, and once you were able to speak again you wanted him to understand that.

Eventually you were pulling up to an apartment building, similar to yours but slightly on the other side of town. Sunghoon was looking over at you again, waiting for a sign you were ready to get out of the car.

You opened your own door and briefly saw him nod from the corner of your eye, unbuckling his seatbelt and hopping outside back into the bitter air.

You awkwardly followed behind him as he unlocked the main set of doors with a keycard, walking down a long plain hallway until he stopped at a door with a small penguin welcome mat infront of it. He looked at it and then back at you and he seemed pleased at the amusement in your eyes.

When he unlocked the door you were suddenly hit with the fact you were about to see where he lived and quickly wondered who he lived with. You weren’t sure you were ready to hold an awkward conversation with his parents about why you were going in their sons room.

You realized immediately upon walking in, however, that that was not the case at all. The apartment was comfortable but small, far too small to house a family even if he had no siblings. You watched him kick his shoes off into a slot in the empty rack and hang his keys up on the singular hook.

He started down the entrance hallway before stopping when he realized you weren’t following behind him. He looked over his shoulder at you and tensed up at the sad expression on your face.

“What?” The tone of his voice told you that he already knew what you were thinking without you having to say it.

“I didn’t know you lived alone.” You tried to keep the pity out of your words, a casual tone coming off awkward and deliberate.

He scoffed at your attempt and for a moment you were reminded of who exactly you were standing here with, a glimpse of the familiar rival you were more used to startling you slightly.

He didn’t say anything in response, just waving a hand to signal for you to move into the main living space. You followed quickly after removing your shoes, taking in the larger room with widened eyes.

Something about it was very Sunghoon, despite being plain and quiet. The yellow toned lights and CD’s on the coffee table catching your attention as you shuffled into the warm room.

“You seemed out of it.” He was starting from behind you. He didn’t sound close but a chill ran through you at the thought of him watching you. “I didn’t feel right bringing you home alone, I hope that’s okay.”

You turned to look at him and your heart tugged at his sad tired expression. He was looking at you intensely, you figured it must be weird to see you in such a familiar setting. You jutted a hand out in his direction and he looked down at it with surprise.

“I didn’t want to go home.” Your voice was low and soft, the silence of the room outside of the heater running was reminding you of his grandma’s and it felt wrong to have a higher volume.

His head cocked slightly but he took your hand in his, letting out a shaky breath when you squeezed it tightly and pulled on his hand so he’d come closer to you. He was standing far away so your arms were stuck straight out, like he wasn’t sure he was actually allowed to touch you.

You tugged him again and he stumbled closer to you, his big hand instinctively coming to rest on your waist and then falling again in a haste. You frowned at his reaction and then realized he must be feeling confused.

“What are you thinking about?” You kept your voice quiet and soft and he looked down at you with that same pained expression. You let go of his hand and put both of yours flat on his chest, feeling the way his heart beat raced and hiccuped.

You were once again impressed by his ability to mask how he felt, if you weren’t looking at him so intensely or touching him, you’d have no idea he was feeling this upset.

“I don’t know.” He whispered and he sounded honest. His hand hesitatingly went back to your waist, feeling awkward at the way his arms dangled at his sides while you touched him.

“I want to be here.” You felt the sudden urge to reassure him on this despite not being sure if that’s what was bothering him or just the situation in general.

“For how long?” Frustration laced his words and you didn’t understand for a few seconds. First you assumed he meant how long you wanted to stay but you quickly realized he was asking how long you’ve wanted to be around him.

You felt guilt creep up considering you weren’t sure what answer to give him because you weren’t even sure yourself when things had changed for you. You don’t think it was a sudden dramatic realization after he tried to flirt with you like you originally thought.

Thinking back on your life now, Sunghoon and this rivalry has been the most consistent thing you’ve ever known. You’d search for him at competitions and you’d spend weekends thinking about what insults to throw at him next time you saw him.

This could’ve been a childish fued, maybe even bordering on actual dislike sometimes, if it wasn’t for everything else.

You were no stranger to finding him attractive, bitterly acknowledging it every time you saw him. You remember when you were entering your teens and he was shooting up in height and his features were sharpening, scrolling his instagram at the time and scowling at photos of him surrounded by similarly attractive people.

You thought back to staring at his hands in the diner and the fondness you felt watching him juggle an armful of forbidden snacks in that 7/11. A fondness that left you so dazed you had completely forgotten to act as an enemy and rat him out to the coaches.

As hard as it was to admit, even to yourself, you weren’t ice skating because it was your passion. It didn’t get you out of bed in the morning or light a fire under your skin in excitement. You did it because it was what people wanted for you and because you liked to win, you liked how people talked about you when you won.

Sunghoon was a breath of fresh air from the pressure, he never cared if you won or lost, in fact he didn’t want you winning half the time.

He didn’t talk to you like you were a project, a robot prodigy who didn’t have room for love or care and he didn’t walk on eggshells around you like you were some royal princess needing only the best treatment.

You wouldn’t sit here and tell Sunghoon you knew how he’s felt all these years, you wouldn’t lie and say you’d been pining over him too and it has always been set in stone for you but a large part of you feels like maybe you knew it all along.

“I can’t say.” You answered honestly even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “But I am here now Sunghoon.”

You felt his hands tensing against your sides, instinctively squeezing like he was worried you’d disappear now. You wanted to ask him the things you should have years ago, you wanted to know why he lived alone and how long he’s come back to this empty room after hours of hard practice.

You felt guilty again for missing the signs. His familiarity at a random diner, clearly frequently there alone. Always being at the rink at random times like nobody was expecting him home or worried he was overworking himself.

Another part of you was relieved now, holding this knowledge tightly with the determination to change this and be there for him regardless if you yourself were considering not returning to the ice.

“I should’ve told you sooner.” He was saying and shaking his head. It was strange seeing him so self deprecating.

“You told me now.” You affirmed and one of your hands slid up his chest to hold his face, making him look at you and see the sincerity in your eyes. “I know now and I didn’t go anywhere.”

He nodded and you were worried he was going to cry, eyes shaking as he looked down at you and leaned into your touch against his cheek.

So you did the one thing you could think of, the thing you were practically craving only a few hours earlier, and you surged forward on your toes to kiss him.

He was taken back by your sudden proximity, tensing up when he felt your lips against his and then more so when you rocked back onto your flat feet and awkwardly waited for him to say something.

His mouth parted a few times like he was going to speak but after a second or two passed his eyes were hardening with that familiar determination and he was kissing you.

Kissing you with a desperation of somebody who’d been thinking about it for a long time, hands sliding behind your back to pull you closer and tighter against him.

You smiled against him, his mouth sliding against yours as he kissed you deeper. Your hand that was on his face went to his hair and you felt a shudder run through him at the feeling.

He pulled back to look at you, pressing his forehead against yours like he did in the car and breathing heavily as he looked down at you.

“I love you.” He rushed it out like it was his only chance to say it and then immediately shut his eyes tight like he was embarrassed. “You don’t need to say anything back I just needed to finally say it out loud to someone other than my grandma.”

“Are we going to talk about your grandma everytime you’re about to kiss me?” You laughed and he smiled at you, squeezing your front against him.

“No definitely not.” And he kissed you again.

——

The next week was probably the most stressful of your entire life, which was pretty impressive considering how your childhood and early adult years were basically one big intense competition.

Having to tell not only your coach for the last decade that you were quitting, but also your mother, was probably scarier than any stunt you could attempt.

Coach Suzy, as it turns out, seemed to be expecting it and told you that she was planning to retire once this year’s competitions were over. She apologized for being so harsh on you at times and especially for losing her temper due to her own stress and insecurities.

You forgave her and wrapped her in a tight hug but you could feel Sunghoon glaring at her from behind your back.

Sunghoon had been beyond helpful during the process, both legitimately with the paper work it required and removing yourself from data and emotionally. It wasn’t easy to admit to yourself you were done doing the only thing you’d ever been good at.

“You’re good at lots of things.” He was telling you for probably the tenth time this week. You were laying in his bed, hand in his as he played with your fingers.

You’ve learned a lot about him with all the time you’ve been spending, not everything of course but every new bit of information was exciting to you. You liked seeing him in different moods and settings, this one being your favorite.

You liked him best like this, his now dark hair messily splayed against his pillow, still smelling like sleep and the coffee on his bedside table. You liked the way his fingers sleepily played with the shirt you were wearing, which was of course his, and tugged on it.

“Yeah but I don’t know what.” You were sighing and rolling onto your stomach so you could look at him directly

He was smiling at you with a lazy toothy grin, sitting up just a little against the headboard to be able to see your face better. He leaned his head back and shrugged.

“You never had a chance to be good at something else, it doesn’t mean you’re not princess.” You flushed at his casual words and he noticed, leaning down to kiss your head and laugh. “I knew you liked that.”

“Shut up.” You were grumbling and resting your chin on his chest once he sat back again. “Maybe I did a little but I almost gagged the first time it made me blush.”

He was letting out a throaty laugh and you felt your face vibrate as his chest moved making you laugh quietly with him. He looked pretty like this and you liked the way his dark hair looked, having gone so long without seeing it.

Your tired laughs naturally died down and you turned your head so your cheek was on his chest instead, feeling him breathe and listening to his heart pick up in speed every so often.

“Will you come with when I talk to my mom?” You weren’t embarrassed at the childish hint in your voice, knowing he’d understand why this was way scarier than the other parts.

“Anything for you.” He was still smiling at you but he sounded serious, hand in your hair now as he played with it and kept it out of your face.

It made your stomach flip when he said it because you knew he meant it. He’d been beyond caring and helpful even letting you stay with him, doing quick stops at your apartment after you’d made sure your moms car wasn’t around so you could get some clothes and necessities.

He didn’t seem to mind the company at all, always smiling at you in the mornings and when he came home from the rink to the sight of you on his couch watching a movie or doing the dishes in the kitchen.

He’d even taken you to see his grandma a few more times. He really did mean it when he said he went every day, only missing a single night when it all hit you and you couldn’t stop crying. You felt awful the next morning he’d stay with you and begged him to apologize to her for you when he asked you to come along.

She had a soft knowing smile when you walked in behind him, patting her bed for you to sit and giving you advice on what to say to your mother.

“She’s your mother honey, she’ll love you no matter what you choose to do.” She had whispered to you and you felt your heart crack with the knowledge that wasn’t quite true.

“Her moms a lot like dad.” Sunghoon was mumbling from behind you, he was standing with his hands on your shoulder as you sat on the bed. You weren’t quite sure what that referred to but his grandmas mouth parted in understanding.

“Then there’s nothing you can do.” Her sharp flip in opinion made you glance back at Sunghoon. He gave you a look like he would explain later and you hesitantly looked away. “You can’t live for her, there’s no right there. You need to live for yourself and accept that relationship as a loss.”

You were replaying her words in your mind on a loop as you stood outside your door, suddenly feeling like a stranger who needed to knock before entering. It was never homely but this was the first time you truly realized how cold it felt here.

You knew Sunghoon was right behind you, giving you some space incase you were overwhelmed or felt like you needed to change your mind, but you reached your hand back for confirmation and took a deep breath when you felt his warm hand in yours.

Waiting with baited breath, your knuckles stung from the knocks against the door. You were bouncing your foot anxiously and counting each second before she opened the door.

For just a split second you saw shock and relief pass over her face before it was twisting up in anger and disgust.

“How dare you come here?” She was spitting towards you and you wanted to flinch back away from her, holding your resolve and letting her finish her comments. “And with him of all people.”

When she turned her murderous gaze towards Sunghoon, something was set off in you and you stepped to the side to block him from her view with a glare. She seemed taken back by this, used to you being paralyzed by guilt and fear.

“If you’re here to apologize I don’t want to hear it.” She hissed at you after the shock passed, her anger only building now at your defiance.

“I have nothing to apologize for.” You spat back at her, stuttering slightly with anxiousness. You felt Sunghoon squeeze your hand in his and take a step closer to you and you took a deep calming breath before continuing with a stronger tone. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m here to get my stuff and then we won’t have to see each other again.”

You weren’t sure where this came from, not having made any plans with Sunghoon to stay with him longer. A wave of insecurity hit you at the idea you were overstaying your welcome and he was going to deny you, leaving you with no choice but to find somewhere else to stay with. You had some distant family but you can’t imagine they’d be too ecstatic about taking on an adult with no job.

“And where on earth are you planning to go.” Your mother did what she did best and caught sight of your insecurity, magnifying it with a knowing sneer. “Nobody will want you, ‘ex prodigy’ won’t get you in anywhere.”

“She’s staying with me.” Sunghoon’s voice came from over your shoulder and you felt his front press against you, his hand on your shoulder to steady you. He was having a hard time seeing you like this, anger surging through him as he watched you go weak from fear.

“I want her and she can stay for as long as she needs to. We are just here to get her stuff, like she’s already told you.” His voice was hard and dark, your moms eyes flashing up at him with angry eyes as he spoke so firmly.

She didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you almost thought she’d turn you away and leave you with absolutely nothing to your name. Eventually, however, she took a step to the side of the doorway and waved the two of you in.

Sunghoon gave you a loaded glance once you were in your living room, you nodded at him and he made his way down the hall to your room while you stayed back with your mother.

“I see he knows his way around.” She scoffed at you and glared at his back as he walked away.

“It’s my house too.” You muttered back at her. “He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“He ruined you.” She barely let you finish your sentence before she was snapping at you, a finger being raised and pointed in your face. “This is all his fault.”

“This is your fault.” You felt tears well up in your eyes again and shook your head. “If you stopped being a coach and tried being my mother for just one second you would’ve realized that before it was too late.”

“You think he’ll keep you around?” She was twisting her face with a nasty sneer as she took another step towards you. “Regardless how I feel about him, that boy is talented. You think he’ll want you even when he’s an Olympic winner and you’re working a part time job?”

You knew she was wrong, that everything she was saying was so out of Sunghoon’s character and would disgust him just at the thought. But her ability to look into the deepest part of you and see your darkest fears caused you to tense up.

“He loves me.” Was all you could bring yourself to say, willingly him to hurry up and come back out here so the two of you could leave already.

“Yeah, love.” She laughed at the word like the idea of anybody loving you was ridiculous. “You don’t think I loved you? You think this was all for me… that I wanted to be a mean coach.”

She didn’t seem to notice her own contradictions, calling herself your coach right after saying she had loved you. She was getting angry again, wanting to continue this argument and prove you wrong. You were exhausted of it, knowing what Sunghoon’s grandma said was completely right.

“You didn’t love me.” Your voice was firm and certain, leaving no room for denial. “But not because of anything I did wrong.”

You saw Sunghoon over her shoulder, waiting in the hallway with a few boxes and a backpack over his shoulder. He was trying not to listen in on your conversation but also seemingly ready to step in.

He caught your eye and you smiled at him, despite your teary eyes, he could tell you felt relieved and that you were ready to move on from this part of your life. There was no right path here, and in skating, and that was okay.

Your mother didn’t say anything else, not even when he came over to you or when you held the door for him so he didn’t drop any of your boxes. She didn’t close the door after you’d left and you didn’t look back at her as she watched you get in his car and drive away from the only home you’d known.

“I don’t actually have to stay with you if it’s not okay.” You were whispering while he drove. “Thank you for saying it though, saved me from a lot of embarrassment.”

He looked over at you like you’d gone crazy, frowning and shaking his head. He was taking a hand off the wheel and grabbing your still shaky one that was resting on your knee.

“Of course you can stay with me princess.” His voice was serious but warm and you squeezed his hand in yours, suddenly overwhelmed with care and affection.

Maybe not the only home.

[weluvwbb]

This is my request but can you do Caitlin x reader. Basically they're both on the same team when suddenly the reader gets injured(broken fingers) but she continues playing. Then, all the teammates take a break for awhile and Caitlin immediately notices that her gf is injured.

ofc! thanks for the rec !

Hidden Hurt

the gym was filled with energy as caitlin and the team prepared for their upcoming game. you, a talented player on the same team, were focused on your dribbling as you were called by coach to do a 1v1 with caitlin.

as soon as the game started caitlin went to drive for the basket for a layup up but you being just as quick ran behind caitlin ready to block the shot but while block you finger smashed against the backboard bending it in a weird angle.

you tried to block out the sharp pain in your finger, a searing pain running through your hand you clenched your teeth and continued on, not wanting to let anyone down.

caitlin noticed the slight wince that crossed your face every time you caught the ball, but she didn't think much of it at first. It wasn't until she saw you subtly favoring your hand during drills that her suspicion grew.

during a break in practice, caitlin pulled you aside, concern evident in her eyes. "babe, are you okay? you look like your in pain."

you forced a smile, trying to play it off. "I'm fine, just a little sore. I'll be ready for the game."

caitlin narrowed her eyes, studying you closely. "let me see your hand."

you hesitated, but the look of worry in caitlin's eyes made you relent. Slowly, you unfurled your hand to reveal the swollen and bruised finger, a clear sign of injury.

caitlin's eyes widened in realization. "you broke your finger, didn't you?"

you nodded sheepishly, avoiding her gaze. "I didn't want to sit out of the game. I thought I could tough it out."

caitlin's expression softened as she gently took your hand in hers. "you don't have to hide your pain from me, you know. we're a team, on and off the court."

a mix of relief and guilt flooded through you as you met caitlin's understanding gaze. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to disappoint anyone."

caitlin shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "you could never disappoint me, especially not for wanting to play through the pain. but next time, let me help you, okay?"

you nodded, grateful for her understanding. As the game approached, caitlin made sure you were properly taken care of, ensuring that you could still contribute to the team without aggravating your injury.

and as you stepped onto the court, with caitlin by your side, you knew that no matter what obstacles came your way, you had a girlfriend and teammate who would always have your back.

second post done :)

[estapa-edwards]

HIDDEN FEELINGS - M. ESTAPA

paring: Mark Estapa x fem! reader

word count: 3.1k

requested? yes - mark falling for ethan’s twin sister, and never doing anything out of respect but ethan notices his heart eyes and tells him to go for it

warnings: use of y/n. multiple pov

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The rink is where I feel most alive. The smooth glide of my skates over the ice, the echo of the puck against the boards, the camaraderie of my teammates—hockey is more than a game to me, it’s a way of life. Playing for the University of Michigan has always been a dream, and now, here I am, living it.

I'm the twin sister of Ethan Edwards. Yes, that Ethan Edwards who's a standout player on the University of Michigan hockey team, right alongside Mark Estapa. Growing up, Ethan and I were inseparable. Hockey was our mutual love, and even though we both made it to the university level, we ended up on different teams. Ethan plays as a defenseman, known for his strength and reliability, while I'm a forward, valued for my speed and strategy.

Mark Estapa, on the other hand, is a force to be reckoned with on the ice. As a forward like me, he's got an uncanny ability to read the game, find the gaps in the defense, and score those crucial goals. He’s a great player, and over the seasons, I’ve come to respect and admire his skills.

Our growing friendship, however, didn’t happen overnight. Our two teams would occasionally practice together, and it was during these joint sessions that I began to notice Mark's friendly and approachable nature. We'd find ourselves paired up during drills or chatting during water breaks.

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One afternoon, after a particularly intense drill, Mark and I found ourselves catching our breaths on the bench.

“You handled that drill pretty well, Y/N,” Mark said, flashing me a genuine smile.

“Thanks, Mark. You weren’t too bad yourself,” I replied, matching his smile.

From there, our conversations became longer and more meaningful. One day, as we were stretching before practice, Mark turned to me with a curious expression.

“So, Y/N, what made you choose Michigan?” he asked, genuinely interested.

“I guess it was a combination of things,” I answered, thinking back to my decision. “The coaching staff here is amazing, and the program has a great reputation. Plus, Ethan being here didn’t hurt,” I added with a playful grin.

Mark chuckled. “I can see how having family around could be a bonus. I chose Michigan for similar reasons. The team has a great dynamic, and the opportunities for growth both as a player and a student are unparalleled.”

Our conversations didn’t just revolve around hockey; we talked about our classes, our hobbies, and our future goals. It was during one of these post-practice chats that Mark opened up about his passion for photography.

“I’ve always loved taking pictures,” he said, showing me some of his recent shots on his phone. “It’s a way for me to capture moments and emotions that words can’t express.”

I was impressed by his talent and passion. “These are amazing, Mark. You have a real eye for it.”

“Thanks, Y/N. It’s something I hope to pursue more seriously someday,” he said, looking slightly vulnerable.

As the weeks went by, our conversations continued to deepen. We shared stories about our families, our dreams, and even our fears. I found myself looking forward to our practice sessions not just for the hockey but also for the chance to spend time with Mark.

We'd find ourselves paired up during drills or chatting during water breaks. Our teammates began to notice our growing camaraderie, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to tease us about our lengthy conversations.

“You two should just start your own podcast,” Ethan joked one day as he walked past us, a smirk on his face.

Despite the teasing, Mark and I cherished our newfound friendship. Our long conversations became the highlight of my day, and I found myself feeling more and more connected to him with each passing practice.

But lately, it's not just his skills on the ice that have caught my attention. 

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Growing up as a twin, you learn the importance of boundaries and loyalty early on. Ethan and I shared everything—our toys, our secrets, our dreams. So, when I first joined the University of Michigan's hockey team and met Mark Estapa, I couldn’t help but notice his attractiveness. His tall stature, his athletic build, and that charming smile were hard to ignore. But I also knew he was Ethan’s teammate, and I would never do anything to jeopardize their friendship or our family bond.

During those early practices, I would steal glances at Mark, admiring his skill and athleticism on the ice. His dedication and passion for the game were evident, and it only added to his appeal. But each time I felt a flutter in my stomach or caught myself daydreaming about him, I would quickly push those feelings aside, reminding myself of the unspoken rule: teammates were off-limits.

As our teams began to practice together more frequently, Mark and I started to interact more. Our conversations were light-hearted and filled with laughter, but underneath it all, there was an undeniable chemistry brewing. I found myself drawn to him not just because of his looks but also because of his personality. He was kind, thoughtful, and genuinely interested in getting to know me.

Despite these growing feelings, I was determined to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t want to create any awkwardness or tension within the team, especially given Ethan’s close friendship with Mark.

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MARKS POV 

The first time Y/n Edwards and I really talked was during one of those joint practices. I remember it well— we were both catching our breath on the bench after a tough drill. I looked over at Y/N, and for the first time, I saw her not just as Ethan's twin sister but as Y/N Edwards, an incredible player in her own right.

“You handled that drill pretty well, Y/N,” I said, trying to initiate a conversation.

“Thanks, Mark. You weren’t too bad yourself,” she replied, matching my smile.

In that moment, something shifted. Her smile, her wit, the way she talked about hockey—it all captivated me. She was more than just a talented player; she was someone I wanted to get to know on a deeper level.

As we continued to chat, our conversation flowed effortlessly. We talked about everything from our reasons for choosing Michigan to our hobbies and interests outside of hockey. I was genuinely intrigued by her, and I found myself wanting to learn more about the person behind the player.

But as much as I was drawn to Y/N, I knew I had to tread carefully. She was Ethan's sister, and I didn't want to overstep any boundaries or make things awkward within the team. So, I tried to keep our interactions friendly and professional, all while secretly hoping for more.

The more I got to know Y/N, the harder it became to ignore my growing feelings for her. Her intelligence, her passion for the game, and her kind-hearted nature made her irresistibly attractive to me. But I also knew that acting on my feelings could complicate things, and I didn't want to risk our friendship or create any tension within the team.

Despite these internal struggles, I couldn’t deny the connection I felt with Y/N. Each conversation, each laugh, each shared moment only deepened my admiration and affection for her. I found myself looking forward to our joint practices not just for the hockey but also for the chance to spend time with her.

But lately, it's not just her skills on the ice that have caught my attention.

During one of our joint practices, we were waiting for our turn to jump onto the ice for the next drill. Y/N was leaning against the boards, lacing up her skates, completely engrossed in her task. The afternoon light streamed through the windows, casting a soft glow on her face and highlighting the golden undertones in her hair.

I couldn’t help but stare.

She looked up, catching my gaze, and flashed me a quick smile before returning her attention to her skates. My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly looked away, hoping she hadn’t noticed my lingering gaze.

As we took to the ice for the next drill, I found myself distracted, my thoughts consumed by the simple beauty of that moment. Y/N's natural grace and poise, even in something as mundane as lacing up her skates, left me in awe.

I knew I was treading dangerous waters, but in that moment, I couldn’t help but be captivated by her beauty. She was more than just a talented hockey player; she was a vision of grace and elegance that I found myself drawn to, unable to look away.

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Y/N POV

I found myself watching Mark as he talked with some of our teammates. He was animated, gesturing with his hands and laughing at something someone had said. I was captivated by his energy and charisma, and for a moment, I lost myself in the way the sunlight caught the highlights in his hair and how his eyes sparkled with genuine happiness.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice Ethan approaching until he spoke, "You okay, Y/N? You seem a little distracted."

Startled, I quickly looked away from Mark, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine," I stammered, trying to regain my composure.

Ethan gave me a knowing smile but didn’t press further. "Alright, just making sure," he said, patting me gently on the shoulder before heading back to the group.

Relieved that Ethan hadn’t called me out on my obvious distraction, I took a deep breath and refocused on the practice. But even as I skated back onto the ice, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Mark was becoming more than just a teammate to me.

One evening, I found myself at Ethan's apartment, sprawled out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, ready to watch a movie. Ethan had invited some of his teammates over, including Mark, to hang out and relax after a grueling week of practice and games.

As I settled into the comfortable cushions, Mark walked into the living room, a casual smile on his face. He greeted everyone warmly before taking a seat on the armchair opposite the couch. Our eyes met briefly, and a subtle spark passed between us, but we both quickly looked away, maintaining a friendly distance in front of Ethan and the others.

As the movie started to play, Ethan and Mark began discussing a recent game, dissecting plays and strategies with the kind of intensity only true hockey enthusiasts possess. I found myself drawn into the conversation, sharing my own insights and opinions, and soon, Mark and I were engaged in our own little world of hockey talk, much to Ethan's amusement.

Throughout the evening, I couldn't help but steal glances at Mark, admiring his easygoing demeanor and genuine interest in our conversation. His laughter was infectious, and I found myself laughing along with him, feeling a connection that went beyond our shared love for hockey.

Despite the casual setting and the presence of Ethan and the others, I couldn’t ignore the growing tension between Mark and me. It was as if we were dancing around the undeniable chemistry that had been building between us, both of us aware of the line we were toeing but unwilling to cross it in front of Ethan and our teammates.

As the evening wore on and the movie came to an end, I realized that my feelings for Mark were becoming harder to ignore. He wasn’t just a teammate or Ethan’s friend; he was someone I genuinely cared about, and I found myself looking forward to the next opportunity to spend time with him, both on and off the ice.

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ETHANS POV

As the evening unfolded in my apartment, I couldn't help but notice the subtle undercurrents between Mark and Y/N. From my vantage point on the couch, I could see the way they exchanged glances when they thought no one was looking, the way their laughter seemed to echo in sync, and the way they both seemed completely engrossed in their own world, despite the presence of our teammates.

At first, I brushed it off as mere camaraderie—after all, they were both passionate about hockey and had been spending a lot of time together at practices. But as the evening wore on, I began to sense something more—a genuine connection that went beyond friendship.

I glanced over at Y/N, who was laughing at something Mark had said, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Then I looked at Mark, who was smiling back at her, his eyes softening in a way I had never seen before. It was clear that there was something special between them, something that went beyond the confines of the rink and our hockey team.

As Y/N and Mark continued to talk and laugh together, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of surprise and curiosity. Mark was my teammate and one of my closest friends, and Y/N was my twin sister. The thought of them being more than just friends was unexpected, but the more I observed their interactions, the more it made sense.

Despite my initial reservations, I couldn’t deny the connection between them. They seemed to complement each other in a way that was both surprising and endearing. And as much as it caught me off guard, I found myself rooting for them, hoping that they would find happiness together, both on and off the ice.

As the evening came to an end and everyone started to say their goodbyes, I pulled Mark aside for a moment.

"Hey, man, are you and Y/N...you know, getting close?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.

Mark looked slightly taken aback but then smiled, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. "Yeah, I think we are," he said, his voice filled with genuine warmth.

I smiled back, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. "Well, as long as you're both happy, that's all that matters," I replied,

"Are you serious? I was so scared to tell you that I think I'm falling for her." Mark said.

I looked at Mark, surprised by his honesty and vulnerability. His eyes were sincere, and I could see the genuine concern in them.

"Mark, I had no idea you felt that way," I said, feeling a pang of guilt for not noticing his hesitation earlier. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like that."

Mark chuckled softly, his smile returning but with a slightly nervous edge. "It's okay, Ethan. I guess I've just been overthinking things. I really care about Y/N, and I didn't want to mess things up, especially since we're teammates and she's your sister."

I clapped Mark on the shoulder, offering him a reassuring smile. "Look, as surprising as it is, I'm actually really happy for you two. Y/N deserves someone who genuinely cares about her, and I can see that you do. Just promise me you'll treat her right, okay?"

Mark nodded earnestly, his eyes shining with gratitude. "I promise, Ethan. She means a lot to me, and I want to do right by her."

Feeling reassured, I smiled at Mark, grateful for his honesty and commitment to Y/N. "Alright then, I trust you. Just remember, if you ever hurt her, you'll have to answer to me," I added with a playful smirk.

Mark laughed, his tension finally breaking. "Understood, Captain."

As we rejoined the others to say our final goodbyes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and excitement. Despite the unexpected turn of events, I was genuinely happy for Y/N and Mark. They had found something special in each other, and as their friend and brother, I couldn't wait to see where their relationship would lead.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

Y/N POV

As we approached my apartment building, the atmosphere between Mark and me had shifted subtly. There was a sense of anticipation, a tangible connection that seemed to be growing stronger with each step we took. When we reached the entrance, Mark stopped and turned to face me, his blue eyes reflecting a mix of excitement and vulnerability.

"Y/N, there's something I need to tell you," he began, his voice slightly shaky but sincere. "Earlier, when Ethan asked me if we were getting close, I told him that I think I'm falling for you."

I felt my heart leap in my chest, a rush of emotions surging through me. His confession was unexpected but also exhilarating, confirming the feelings I had been trying to suppress.

"Mark," I started, searching for the right words to express the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling. "I'm not sure how to say this, but... I think I'm falling for you too."

The moment the words left my lips, a wide smile spread across Mark's face, his eyes lighting up with joy and relief.

"Really?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine happiness.

I nodded, feeling a warm blush spread across my cheeks. "Yes, really. I've been trying to ignore my feelings, but the truth is, I've been falling for you too, Mark."

A look of pure happiness washed over Mark's face, and without hesitation, he stepped closer, cupping my face gently with his hands. "Y/N, I'm so glad to hear that," he whispered, his eyes locked onto mine.

Feeling emboldened by our mutual confession, I leaned in, closing the distance between us, and our lips met in a soft, sweet kiss. It was a simple yet powerful affirmation of the connection we had both been feeling but had been too afraid to acknowledge until now.

As we pulled apart, our faces flushed and smiles wide, Mark looked into my eyes, his gaze filled with warmth and affection.

"Do you wanna come in?" I asked, my voice soft and inviting, the words coming out almost on their own accord, as if guided by the newfound courage and excitement that bubbled within me.

Mark's eyes sparkled with anticipation, but he hesitated for a moment, wanting to be respectful of the situation and our budding relationship.

"Are you sure?" he asked gently, his voice tinged with a mix of excitement and caution.

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Yes, I'm sure," I replied, feeling a surge of boldness.

A broad smile spread across Mark's face, his eyes shining with happiness and relief. "I'd love to," he said, his voice filled with genuine warmth and excitement.

Taking my hand in his, Mark followed me into the building, our fingers intertwined as we headed up to my apartment.

[crystalandparrot]

Rottmnt x Reader

Chapter 1

Please don’t steal or use ideas without permission :)

This is an AU! The reason will be explained in later chapters, but in this AU, the yokai and mutants are fully integrated with humans. The hidden city mainly consists of Yokai and mutants with the occasional human visitor or partner.

Donatello is an independent scientist who still goes by Othello Von Ryan. He found out through trial and error that he was not made for a group laboratory. Now Donatello mainly confides himself in his lab at the lair, he's expanded of course, a man of his caliber shouldn't have to deal with such a small area. He's made great strives in the scientific community, solving some of the world's leading problems. Having won numerous awards, he still finds himself unfulfilled somehow.

Michelangelo is a successful artist, both on paper and in the kitchen. He records himself on the internet, hoping to inspire young minds to fulfill their dreams, no matter how they may look. He prefers to try anything and everything he can, gaining many new skills and discovering new things about himself. Although his desserts were delicious, the feeling of being alone only left a sour taste in his mouth.

Neon Leon. Successful actor, known for being one of the first openly Yokai actor. He inspired other Yokai's and mutants to remove their disguises and embrace what makes them unique. Leon made the world laugh with his one liners and his comical timing. His range is crazy, going from musicals to action, his talent knows no bounds. Although he has romance on the screen, he couldn't hope for something a little more...real.

Raphael (and don't skin me for this), the sweet turtle, became a guidance counselor for trouble youths. You know those kids that throw chairs? Yeah, Raph helps them. More often than not, Raphael recommends the wrestling team, which Raph just so happens to coach. Raph's helped a lot of kids figure out how to reel in their anger and get to the root of their problems. Raph's even managed to give a few select students permission to cut class and go to the weight room if they felt too angry. But no matter how many people Raph's saved (and no matter how much Raph spoke in the third person), Raph couldn't help but feel like there was one more person he needed to help.

April O' Neal. Some say she's the greatest hands on reporter of all time. With Sunita as her partner and camerawoman, the two get dirty, discovering the real problems that people won't report. April's most successful and controversial paper, "Yokai, Mutants, and Humans, oh my!" gained incredible popularity after people read just how many Yokai and Mutants were feeling neglected. Due to April's paper, the government passed a law, allowing Yokai and Mutants to come up to the surface and reveal themselves with no prejudice. It's still an ongoing battle to give everyone the fairness they deserve, but April and Sunita O'Neil fight for justice.

(Y/n) (L/n). Oh wait! That's you! You're a kind hearted soul who's just gotten a job at the School's library. You must really love the Dewey Decimal System...oh you have a nickname for it? Wonderful...You're a creative soul with a passion for helping. You have a myriad of skills, all of which may not have helped in getting this job, but they might help in getting something else. Your day starts off, relatively normally...

Having just moved back to New York after living in the Hidden City for five years was...different, to say the least. Saying goodbye to the nice old tortoise Yokai you had been staying with, you headed out, bags in hand. "Bye, Mrs. Shapiro! Call me if you need someone to water your plants!" You said, waving to the wrinkly tortoise.

"Oh, goodbye dear. I'm gonna miss you. Oh! Drop by Erin's on your way out!" The tortoise Yokai, Mrs. Shapiro, waved a long clawed hand at the you.

You nod with a smile and shut the door behind you. Heading down the street, you waved to friendly Yokai and mutants that walked past. After seeing the street clear a bit, you pulled your phone and headphones out of your pocket. Popping in the earbuds, you played your favorite playlist you found on Spotify. It was titled, 'Jammy Jams', the description being 'Songs for elite music listeners'. The playlist and many more like it, all with a theme of some sort, Studying, Building, (crime fighting?) Jogging, all came from one account by the name of Othello.

As you scrolled through the playlist, you saw the little notification. 'Othello is listening to Weird Science'. With a shrug, you tapped the notification, the song blasting through your headphones as you matched where Othello was in the song. Definitely an oldie, but it fit him...or her...or them—it fit the vibe! As you continued scrolling, adding some of the songs to your own playlists, you didn't hear the three voices yelling nor the shocked gasps of the onlookers that quickly moved out of the way.

A sudden PUSH and you were on the ground, groaning next to a stranger as Technologic blasted through your headphones.

"C'mon, Dee! He's getting away!" A turtle Yokai with dark hair in a half up, half down bun, ran in place and pointed to the direction that they needed to go. He wore an orange mask, had stickers and paint all over his shell, and in his hands sat a Kusari-fundo.

"No, no, I'm fine, Michael." The turtle Yokai next to you, (Dee?), stood up so suddenly, you thought he teleported. He wore a purple mask that wrapped around his head, his-tech goggles sitting on top. On his arms were multiple hi-tech screens and buttons that wrapped around his arms on large bands. Looking on the ground, he spotted his phone and your own, both faced down. He quickly swiped one up, and tucked it in his pocket, "May this be a lesson never to text while running!" The turtle pointed up at the sky almost heroically.

"You crashed into me!" You said defensively.

The turtle Yokai made a noise of surprise and looked down at you, as if suddenly noticing you for the first time. "I was actually referring to me." He muttered, coughing awkwardly. Without warning, two metal arms came out of his...shell? It had to be a shell, right? But it was more purple and armor like. The cold metal of the arms shook you out of your thoughts as they lifted you onto your feet.

"Oh, uh, thanks." You said, now just as awkward as the Yokai in front of you. "Don't you have to—" you pointed your thumb behind you, where the other turtle was freaking out.

"Donnie!" The orange clad turtle whined.

"Right." With a bit of showmanship, the purple clad turtle picked up your unlocked phone off the ground and handed it to you. As you took it, you noticed how he made sure your fingers did not touch. "Adieu, madam." He gave a slight bow and left, joining his accomplice in their efforts.

You giggled as he left, the whole interaction being odd. You looked down at your phone, the screen dimming. You tapped it to ensure it stayed unlocked and reopened Spotify...except, why were the apps in a different format? And your headphones were cutting out, and the background is different, and...what's the use? You know the truth, you switched your phone.

[leiawritesstories]

Stunning

Rowaelin Month 2024, Day 7: All Dressed Up @rowaelinscourt

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: flirting, swearing, rich people talk, badly concealed horniness, NSFW content, a few fun little hidden jokes teehee

A/N: hi hello this is technically for tomorrow BUT it's getting posted now because i'm taking the LSAT tomorrow and i'm going to be way too mentally exhausted to function, yayyyyy 😃 also, i might disappear for a little while after the exam, bc i also just started my senior year of college and it's a bit busier than i thought lol. anyway.....enjoy!!! at your own discretion please :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If the club was fancy, its VIP lounge was a study in luxury. A pair of black-suited bouncers flanked the door, their dark-shaded eyes constantly scanning the club, scrutinizing each and every person who approached the lounge doors. Rowan handed over the thick square of embossed ivory paper from his tux jacket pocket and nodded amiably at the bouncers as they checked his invitation and waved him in. Conspicuous as he’d felt before, when he was walking through the club in a custom three-piece designer tux, he felt positively unremarkable among the sea of haute couture that thronged the VIP lounge, all of them centered around a tall, elegant woman in a fitted sheath dress of molten gold with a slit that crept dangerously high up her right leg. Her head tipped an inch sideways with the echo of her laughter, and she rested one graceful hand on the forearm of the handsome man she was talking to, crimson-tipped fingernails contrasting sharply with his black jacket. 

Aelin Galathynius. 

The only daughter of perhaps the most influential voices in Terrasen’s political scene, Aelin filled the spotlight like she was born to it. Which she was. She’d been appearing in front of press cameras and journalists practically since her birth because Evalin Ashryver, the first female secretary of state, had wanted to show the world that a woman could have both a successful high-profile career and a family. Furthermore, her father was Rhoe Galathynius, the deputy prime minister, and he had personally taught his only daughter how to handle the press. 

At twenty-nine, Aelin was one of the most recognizable faces in Terrasen, though that was mostly due to her success as a former professional volleyball player and current coach, as well as an incredibly generous philanthropist, rather than her parents’ collective renown. Rowan had known Aelin since high school, had harbored a crush for her practically as long, and since he was also a retired athlete and the head of a foundation that supported talented young athletes whose families couldn’t afford their sports, he often crossed paths with Aelin at events like this one. 

She was chatting with Dorian Havilliard, the oldest son of Prime Minister Havilliard and a childhood friend of hers, when Rowan strolled over and nodded cordially at the dark-haired man. “Good to see you again, Havilliard. Do you mind?” 

“Not at all!” Dorian air-kissed Aelin’s cheeks. “Whitethorn, good to see you as well. I’ll have my assistant reach out to yours to schedule a proper meeting, yes?” He had recently indicated his interest in sponsoring one of Rowan’s foundation events. 

“Sounds perfect.” Rowan shook Dorian’s hand and pretended not to notice as the other man stage-whispered “he’s so hot” to Aelin before he left the two of them alone. 

“Rowan.” Aelin’s crimson lips curled into a smile. “What brings you here? I thought you usually avoided these little parties like the plague.” 

“I try,” he said dryly. “Unfortunately, there are several key donors here, and my VP practically threatened to strangle me if I didn’t show up and have a drink with them.” 

She chuckled and took a delicate sip of the champagne in her hand. “I wasn’t aware I was one of your key donors, Rowan.” 

“Maybe I’m using you as a human shield,” he teased. 

“I’m afraid I’m more of a spear than a shield,” she said with a wink. “That means I’ll charge at your big scary donors with you if you can work up the balls to ask.” 

“Can you blame me for hesitating?” He swiped a glass of champagne from a passing server’s tray and locked his gaze onto Aelin as he took a deep sip. “You look stunning in that dress, Aelin, and I’m afraid that’s all anyone will see.” 

“Ah, stop it.” She swatted his arm. “I’ll get their attention, and you’ll capture it like you always do with your cute little big-old-shy-guy smile and blush.” His cheeks heated, and she grinned. “There, you see? One of your usual protests that you ‘don’t do as much as you want to do’ and you’ll have those donors eating from the palm of your hand.” 

“I’d like to eat you from the palm of my hand,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “You’re sure?” 

“Of course.” She set down her champagne and looped her arm through his. She lowered her voice to a throaty whisper. “And if you want to eat, Whitethorn, all you have to do is ask.” 

His pants tightened. He swallowed thickly, forced himself to think about the donors in order to control his traitorous body, and covertly poked Aelin in the ribs. “Quite a naughty thing to say, Aelin.” 

She winked lazily at him. “We’re at a club, Rowan. Certain things happen at clubs.” 

“Such a brazen woman.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear, and his lips just barely brushed her neck. “What kind of things are you thinking about, hmm?” 

“Schmoozing with donors, for one.” She laughed softly at his disgruntled expression and brushed a megawatt smile across her face as they approached one of the couples who were frequent donors to his foundation. “Connall, Sorscha, delighted to see you here!” 

Connall had been one of Rowan’s teammates, and he’d retired a year before Rowan so he could spend more time with his wife, Sorscha, and their family. “Surprised you made it, old man,” he joked as he clasped hands with Rowan and affectionately thumped him on the back. 

“Trust me, we both are,” Rowan deadpanned. “Sorscha, you look lovely as always. How are the little ones?” 

“Growing up too damn fast,” Connall sighed. 

Sorscha nodded in agreement. “Lyla started walking the other day; I turned around for five seconds and she made it into the other room. I almost had a heart attack.” She laughed. “And Gray has been obsessed with taking care of the garden, except that he doesn’t know the difference between the weeds and the herbs.” 

“Little guy brought his mama a fistful of ‘bad weeds’ that were actually dill,” Connall added, snickering. “Oh, and James is doing fantastic at the football camp.” 

Rowan smiled. “That’s amazing! How is it having him stay with you?” One of the projects he was trying to start involved pro athletes having orphans and foster kids stay with them when they participated in training camps for their sports. 

“We love it.” Con grinned down at his wife. “He’s still a little shy with the kids and he basically lives out of his duffle bag, but he’s a lot more talkative now.” 

“He seems more at ease,” Sorscha said. “It could be that he’s made friends at the camp, or that my son pretty much idolizes him because he’s a big boy who plays sports, but I think he’s also just more… comfortable.” 

“That’s almost exactly what we were hoping would happen.” Rowan squeezed Aelin’s hand, and she beamed up at him. “Good. Well, I hope this helps convince the board.” 

Con thumped Rowan’s shoulder. “We’re in your corner, man. I’d be happy to tell the board about our success if you need.” 

“I just might take you up on that.” Rowan shook Con’s hand and accepted Sorscha’s hug. “Thank you so much.” 

“See, that wasn’t so bad,” Aelin teased as they walked away, heading for another donor that Rowan had spotted. “You’re a natural—just get them talking about how much they want to help these kids or how much they love what they’re already doing, and they’ll give you their support.” 

His hand slid to her lower back, guiding her through the throngs of people. “Wish I had half as much confidence as you have, Ae.” 

“Stop that,” she chided. “Rowan, your foundation is hugely successful because of you. That much is evident, and I’ll keep trying to convince you of that until you accept it.” 

“I know a few ways you could convince me,” he murmured, half to himself. 

Her smile melted into lazy dangerousness, and sparks kindled behind her stunning turquoise eyes. “Do you, now?” 

His hand curled possessively around her hip. “I do.” Heat raced through her blood at the weight of his touch. “Dance with me.” 

“Of course.” 

They stepped into the swirl of couples dancing in the middle of the lounge, and Aelin gasped quietly when Rowan pulled her so close that she was almost flush against him, wrapping one arm around her waist with his hand on her hip and lacing his free hand with hers. So close she could feel the thrum of his heartbeat, she draped her free arm around his neck, fingers toying with the collar of his pressed black shirt. The song changed, shifting to a deep, pounding bass and sultry vocals, and her body moved in near-perfect tandem with his as he led her through the dance. 

“All that hockey training certainly gave you good moves, Ro,” she teased, flicking her gaze up to his through her lashes. 

He smirked languidly and rotated his hips in a borderline lustful circle. “And all your volleyball training probably gave you strong legs.” He tipped his head down and purred his next words into her ear. “But how long until they start shaking?” 

“Dream on, hockey boy,” she whispered, even as desire uncoiled between her legs at the sinful rasp of his voice. 

“Every night.” Her breath caught at the admission in those words, and when he brushed a thumb across her lips, she leaned into the touch. Her nod was confirmation enough, and he replaced his thumb with his lips, kissing her softly at first and then deeper, slower, the stroke of his tongue almost too slow for the heat pounding in her blood. 

In a hazy blur, they were in the club’s bathroom, Aelin sucking in a sharp breath as Rowan yanked her dress up around her waist and planted her bare ass on the marble countertop. He chuckled, a low dark gravelly rasp that curled up her spine like smoke, as his eyes traced down her body and discovered her lack of underwear. “Dangerous move, darling,” he murmured, attaching his lips to her neck and pressing his calloused thumb directly onto her clit. “No panties? Anyone could see you, Aelin.” 

“Anyone—ahh, Rowan!—isn’t going to see,” she panted, her words broken up with gasps and hitched breaths. “Just…fuck, just you.” 

“That’s what I like to hear.” Free hand reaching down the front of her dress to tease her hardened nipples, he thrust three fingers into her, reveling in her broken moan and the way her eyes scrunched shut in pain-edged bliss. “Hold still for me, pretty girl.” Wordlessly, she nodded, bracing her hands on the countertop to stabilize herself. He smirked and kissed her hard, swallowing her moans, and pumped his fingers roughly, bringing her to her first orgasm of the night within a few minutes. He worked her through the high, teasing her sensitive clit just enough to make her whimper when he withdrew his glistening fingers and licked them clean, gaze locked on her the whole time. 

“Please, Ro.” She whispered his name, her plea a raspy breath. “Need you to fill me up.” 

“Good girl.” He pushed his trousers and boxers down just enough for his cock to spring free, and her eyes went wide and dark as she stared at his size. 

“Th-that…” Her mouth went dry. “That’s not going to fit.” 

He brushed his thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. “It will, pretty girl. Trust me, it will.” He pushed one of her dress straps off her shoulder and palmed her breast. “Your pretty pussy took my fingers so well, Ae, getting all ready for my dick.” 

Her breath escaped in a shuddering groan. “How is it so hot when you say filthy things like that?” 

“Because you’re my dirty little good girl.” He smirked and tilted her chin up to brush a bare feather of a kiss over her smudged lipstick. “Can you stay quiet for me?” She nodded, and he kissed her as he dipped his fingers into her cunt again, working her in long slow strokes. When she wrapped her hand around his wrist and whispered that she was ready, he lined his cock up and pushed into her slowly, savoring the tight grip of her pussy around his dick and the muffled whimpers she made as she struggled to stay quiet while accommodating the size of his velvet steel schlong. 

“Rowan,” she choked out, near desperate. “Please!” 

“Good fucking girl,” he groaned, and he rocked into the cradle of her hips, thrusting with increasing force. Gripping her waist, he pinned her to the counter and fucked her hard, and she buried her face in his shoulder to muffle the uncontrollable moans that tore from her throat. The soap dish clattered to the floor, and he just kicked it underneath the sink and thrust harder, hurtling them both towards climax. Aelin tipped her head back and rasped out his name as she came, ecstasy written all over her features, and he groaned her name as he came inside of her. As their bodies stilled, he gently pulled out, smirking at the sight of his rowillymilk dripping down her legs. 

She trailed a finger between her thighs and lifted it to her lips, licking their cum off and humming softly in pleasure. “Delicious.” 

He growled and pulled his pants back up and lifted her off the counter, stopping to fix her dress before he laced his fingers with hers and led her out of the bathroom and back through the flashing strobe lights of the lounge and out a side door. “Your place or mine?” 

“Mine.” She flicked a heated glance at him from under her darkened lashes. “Got a few toys I like to use in my bedroom.” 

“Get in the car.” Rowan pulled the passenger door of a sleek black SUV open with more force than strictly necessary, the muscled lines of his body tense, the gleam of his eyes predatory. Aelin touched the smudged lipstick at the corner of her mouth, wiping it away as she slid gracefully into the car. He closed the door and went around to the driver’s side, and she sucked in a half-surprised, half-aroused gasp when he accelerated down the dark, empty city streets with a hand splayed on her thigh. Heat pulsed between her legs, radiating outward from the warm, firm weight of his palm atop her leg. 

She at least had enough of her wits to direct him towards her townhouse. “Turn left here,” she directed, guiding him down the familiar path to her home. “First right, then second right.” He navigated the turns with expert precision, and it was only minutes before he’d pulled into the single parking space marked out in front of her property. 

A sudden, thick silence blanketed the vehicle, and Aelin had the urge to caress Rowan’s face when she caught sight of the faint uncertainty nearly buried in his fiery gaze. So she did, gently tracing her fingertips across his cheekbones. “Welcome to my home, Ro.” She winked lazily. “Want me to show you my bedroom?” 

His lingering hesitation melted into molten, commanding desire. “That’s my good girl.” The praise flowed over her like sunlight. “Can you get out of the car, Ae, or do you need to be carried?” 

“Someone has a high opinion of himself.” She clicked her tongue and smoothly climbed out of the car. He prowled around from the driver’s side, banded one thickly muscled arm around her waist, and pressed her back against the door. 

“Still so naughty,” he murmured. “What should we do about that, hmm?” 

“Why don’t you come inside and show me?” she whispered right back. 

He kissed her, and it would have been sweet if not for the cum sticking to her thighs. “Good girl.” Hand in her hand, he followed her into her townhouse, locked the front door behind them, and waited all of twenty seconds for her to drop her small purse before he hauled her over his shoulder and stormed up the stairs. She managed to point him towards her bedroom door, and he set her onto her bed with uncharacteristic gentleness. 

And tore her dress down the middle. 

She was halfway through an outraged gasp when he yanked her hips to the edge of the mattress, dropped to his knees, and licked her dripping pussy. Her outrage kindled into lust, and she plunged her fingers into his hair, shoving him closer as his tongue drew harsh patterns on her needy clit. Through the incoherent, garbled whimpers and moans streaming from her throat, she managed to reach sideways and grab her wand vibrator from her bedside table and switch the toy on before tracing the buzzing tip around her stiff, aching nipples. 

“What,” Rowan growled, “do you think you’re doing, hmm?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just took the vibrator from her and replaced his tongue with the toy, teasing her cunt with too-light touches and biting kisses, ignoring her breasts altogether. “Did I say you could touch yourself, Ae?” 

“N–no, sir,” she whispered. Calling him sir had been impulsive, but it felt so right. 

He swore filthily and shoved his pants off, letting his massive meat pole spring free. “That’s correct. Now be a good girl and put your hands above your head.” The vibrator skimmed her throbbing pussy and dipped farther back, circling the rim of her ass, and her fists curled into the pillows above her head as words failed her. He seemed pleased with her obedience, because he kept the toy there as he returned his mouth to her cunt and devoured her, tongue spearing into her and teeth scraping her most sensitive parts. It couldn’t have been more than two minutes before stars exploded across her vision as she came so hard she shook with the force of it. 

He turned off the vibrator, threw it across the floor, stripped out of the rest of his clothes, and hauled her up the bed, kissing and nipping up her body as he went. “Don’t hold back,” she breathed, the words shaky from the last waves of her orgasm but no less confident. 

“Scream for me, pretty girl,” was all he said in response, and he flipped them over and pulled her down onto his cock. She was so wet that her cunt slid down effortlessly, and he didn’t give her any time to adjust before he lifted her hips up and down, helping her ride his dick at a frenetic pace. “Fuck, Aelin!” 

“Fuck, Rowan!” she screamed in tandem, head falling back in bliss. He sat up, deepening the angle, and fucked her relentlessly, until she was a mess of broken cries of his name. 

“Come with me,” he ordered, and he pinched her clit sharply. She screamed his name to the gods as she shattered, and he came with her, burying himself deep. He rocked his hips gently as she shook, working her through every last second of the drawn-out orgasm, milking his own pleasure. As she calmed and rolled off of him, sprawled onto her stomach, he ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing the mussed strands. “So fuckin’ good, Fireheart.” 

She turned onto her side and grinned, linking her fingers with his. “Happy anniversary, my love. Should we do that again next year?”

~~~

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[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Unfinished Melodies

✿ Synopsis: He was your greatest rival, but all things changed after being paired with him for a competition. Yet, all lovely things can’t stay, and you had to get away. Returning after three years apart, will old feelings return, or will hidden secrets destroy all before it has a chance to blossom once more. 

✿ Who: Park Sunghoon (Enhypen) x Female Pronoun Reader ✿ Word Count:  60,124 words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, implied sex, pregnancy, child, grandparent death, parental death,  ✿ Request: No ✿ I’m back on my bullshit after my short hiatus turned into a 3 year hiatus. Request are open, my crops are plentiful, and my brain is working. This is an absolute mess, it would be longer but I got writers block and just had to finish it, it is also much longer than what I usually write, but enjoy.

The first memory you have of being a child is from the age of three, it was the image of you holding hands with your father, he skating backwards, getting you accustomed to the ice. The second memory occurs five minutes later, he lets your hands go, and you proceed to fall to the ice. Those memories repeated throughout your childhood, going from holding hands with your father as you skated along, clutching your coaches hands, knees kissing the ice as you fell, hands burning from the harsh cold, to finally skating on your own. If someone had asked you at the age of three what you thought you would be doing in ten, even fifteen years, in the future, you would not have answered figure skating.

You were nine when you first met Park Sunghoon, your coach called him a prodigy, and honestly, it made you jealous. It was always you that was called the prodigy before, you were the skilled one, and you were what the others wanted to achieve towards. The six years of skating experience you had on him seemed useless, as he took to the ice, quickly developing the same level you were at. By the age of eleven, he had even overtaken your rankings, leaving you as the second most skilled skater in your rink.

That was when you first started to hate him, you had the joy of not competing in the same competitions as him, but it did not stop others from constantly comparing the two of you. It was always, he got the turn on the first try, or he got gold as well but his score was higher, or if he keeps progressing the olympic team might be interested in him. It was like all of a sudden, everything your parents had been conditioning you for was no longer there. The silver platter life had been handed to you on, it had been ripped out and offered to another, someone others had deemed more talented and more worthy.

Maybe the feelings were mutual, but you did not like him, and he returned the feelings. From the age of thirteen it became known around the others just how much you disliked each other, going as far as rescheduling your practices so you would not have even be in the rink the same day. But, this did not stop the comments, the constant praises of his talent coming from your parents mouths, the constant flow of comparisons, and the constant detriment of your feelings of self worth. No longer were your parents focused on your performance, instead they were focused on what he did better, how you could be better like him, and how you could do better than him.

When high school started, it was like a switch flipped, neither of you were no longer in your awkward tween stages, starting to grow into teens. This was when the first big change happened, no longer were your competitions viewers only your family and friends, others started to show interest. The first competition you were in after high school started was odd, there was a whole fan section for a specific person, and honestly you hated it, the six extra years you had on him were useless, especially seeing how he had a growing section of fangirls each competition, compared to your meek group of friends and family. What hurt the most was seeing your friends start to move, gradually sitting closer and closer in the group of freshmen girls that came to support him, until they were in the group, no longer there to support you but instead here to support him.

That was when you broke, throwing your everything into skating. No longer did you spare time for your so-called friends, no longer did you have time for hobbies, and no longer did you have time for others. The next year was nothing but school and skating, at some points, it seemed as though you slept at the rink some nights. The work started to pay off, your already high scores started to go higher, but you were always just barely behind him still. Harsh words of comparison burned your eardrums, and it was always about one individual, Park Sunghoon, and how much better he was than you.

Sophomore year is where things started to change, as your coaches came up with what they felt was a great idea. No longer would you just compete in solo events, you would do pairs. Your coach claimed that the two of you would be better than the current people competing in pairs, and so you were more likely to take some wins home. The first time coach Kim mentioned it, you felt like it might be a good idea, after all there were some really good skaters at your rink. But, you should have known it would not be that easy, rather than being paired with one of the many others she trained, instead they claimed the best deserves to only work with the best. Had you known it would be him, you would have refused to do this, you would rather win silver or even bronze at the next competition than work with him. Yet, fighting was futile, as your coaches quickly told you your parents had given permission, meaning you two would be partners for the near future.

The first time working with him was a mess. Neither of you wanted to get close to one another, skating within five feet of each other was hard, let alone holding hands and doing lifts. Sunghoon stood there laughing as you failed to do a trick, not a care in the world as he watched you hit the ice, his laugh echoing as you started to get up. “I don’t know what is going on with you two, but figure it the fuck out, and get over it,” Coach Kim screamed across the rink, silence came from him immediately, watching with disproving eyes at the behavior in front of her. “You both have one week, if you can’t at least pretend to like each other by then, neither of you will be permitted to compete in any program, and you’ll be kissing those championship trophies and Olympic dreams goodbye.” Your coach yelled, storming out of the rink, the doors slamming loudly behind her. 

Once out of her presence, the two of you immediately separated, going to different sides of the rink, finally happy to be separated from one another. The joy was short lived, as another person entered the rink, this time it was not your coach, it was instead his. “Here. Now!” Coach Lee yelled, his patiences even lower than your coaches. He did not even wait for the both of you to get to where he stood, before he continued yelling, “Your school does not start back for two months, you two will be practicing every single day, so get over your feelings of superiority now, neither of you is better than the other, and when competing as a team, it’s not a fucking competition. You do some stupid shit on the ice and you not only embarrass yourself, you embarrass us, and if you think we are harsh on you now, just you try some bullshit during the competition, you’ll see just how harsh this training can be.” Lee screamed out, taking a breath before starting to talk at a normal volume. “I do not want to see either of you in this rink for the next 3 days, go do some team building stuff, become friends, at the least, become tolerable of one another. I want you two to come in on Friday like whole new people. Go to the arcade, go on a picnic, go to the beach, do whatever you young people do and at the least, tolerate each other. If you have this much awkward tension and anger towards each other while performing, the judges and audience will be able to tell, you won’t be able to work well together and you’ll get a low score. I want you both to go pack up, exchange numbers, go get dinner together, and plan what you are going to be doing the next few days together. Put aside whatever troubled past the two of you have, and turn over a new leaf, you are partners now, you are working together, and you both need to get over that. And I will find out if you don't spend time together, I will be talking to your parents. There is a carnival in town, you two could try that.” Coach Lee finished, clapping his hands loudly, dismissing the two skaters in his presence. 

Skating away to exit the ice, nearing the locker room, the only feeling you could feel was shame. The way you had been yelled at by not only your coach, but his coach, left you feeling like a punished child. Entering the locker room, a set was taken on the bench in front of the locker adorned with your name. Taking your skates off, they were thrown into the waiting gym bag, staring at the ceiling. It took all the power within your body to not scream in anger despite your brain telling you to do so. Nothing would be worse than this, not just having to work with him, but spend time outside of skating with him. Together skating was not happening, what did the coaches expect would happen if you two were alone together, you would suddenly become best friends. 

After taking a few calming breaths, it was time to change out of your skating clothing, while it was nice and chilly within the rink, you knew the moment you hit the doors outside you would be sweltering. Changing, you slipped your gym bag onto your shoulder, hoping that Sunghoon had forgotten all about the hanging out, so home would be the only place for you to be going. Sadly, the boy knew how scary his coach could be, and instead was waiting outside the locker room door, phone in hand. 

He handed his phone to you with no words, it already pulled up to the add contact page, typing your number quickly, you passed it back to him, not wanting to hold the cursed device for longer than necessary. With a vibration of the phone in your back pocket, it notified you that he had sent you a message, giving yourself his number. Starting to walk past him, towards the doors, it was not even ten steps in when he started to pass you. 

“Let’s go, I’ll drive.” Sunghoon coldly said to you, hiking his own bag further up on his shoulder, as he stepped past you, exiting the doors to the outside. Had he been watching, he would have seen the obvious look of disgust that fell upon your face.

Pushing the door open to exit, since he could not even be bothered to hold it open for the person who was only a few steps behind himself, you scoffed. “No thanks, I’ll just wait for my parents.” Like hell you would go somewhere with him, the whole spend time together thing, you will just lie and say you did. As the male started to speak, you were not paying attention, instead focusing on your phone which started to buzz, a couple messages from your parents. ‘The coaches let them know that you and Sunghoon would be hanging out tonight and that Sunghoon would bring you home’, of course you should have known they would actually notify your parents, with a groan, you turned to the tall boy in front of you. “Fine, let’s go.”

Sunghoon was not shocked that you were not listening, or that you interrupted him. Watching as you started off towards his car, he quickly started to walk over to it. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said, unlocking his car doors, throwing his bag into the backseat, before climbing into the driver’s seat. He was quick to buckle his seat belt, before starting the engine, the car coming to life at once. As he prepared to leave the parking lot, he could not think of where to go, turning to ask his guest, he knew that would be vain, since you were staring so intently at your phone, you probably would not answer him regardless. Pulling onto the road, he decided to just go to the first place that came to mind, a little diner he would go to with his boys all the time. 

Texting Karina, you lamented about your situation, the death of your joy from being forced to be in close proximity with your worst enemy. Even over text, you could tell Karina was laughing about the situation, joking that ‘you might be in the start of your enemies to lovers Wattpad era’. Despite her humorous text, you could not find the situation funny, you would be practicing with him daily, and then once school started you would be around all the time. Karina sent a reply saying ‘maybe this is the universe's way of telling you to get over the rivalry and kiss already’. 

Occupied with the phone in your hand, you did not realize Sunghoon had even left the parking lot, let alone arrived at a location until he started to clear his throat. Noticing the stopped car, and the boy in the process of leaving his car, you followed suit. Exiting the vehicle, you met him at the front of his car, following him into the small little diner. You had never been into this diner before, it just was not the kind of place your friend group would have hung out, but seeing how the waitresses reacted seeing Sunghoon, it was the type of place his friend group would hangout.

Getting seated, it only took minutes for you to have menus and drinks in front of you. After ordering something, the table was quiet as you sat waiting for your food to arrive, neither of you wanting to break the uncomfortable silence. You continued to message Karina, updating her on everything, her annoying text crying about how you were on a date with Sunghoon, despite your denial and claiming it is only business.

Sunghoon sat silently, not knowing what to say or how to start, but seeing you on your phone was a good place. “You could at least put your phone up and we can start to discuss what we need to do.” He said it came off a lot more scolding and cold than he planned, but he honestly did not care at this point. He just wanted to get this over with, so you could perform together, then hopefully never have to look each other in the face again. 

Scoffing, you texted Karina that you had to go, seeing her quickly replying with a comment about you two making out already, before putting it up. Looking at him, it felt odd, seeing him outside the rink, outside of the classroom. “We need to be able to get through this performance, just act like we don’t hate each other. As soon as we are done, we can go back to wishing we never had to be in the same room.” Sunghoon said, before extending a hand towards you, attempting to make some sort of agreement.

Extending your own hand, you shook his hand, before quickly dropping it. “We get through this performance, and then we go back to how we were before.” It was an easy agreement, since neither of you wanted to do this, but here you were. “We need to figure out what we are going to do for the rest of this week. However, they want us to spend time together, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy each other's presence.” 

As the conversation was flowing, the food that had been ordered arrived, starting to eat, you thought about what you could do. Before setting foot back into the skating rink, the two of you needed to be able to at least be able to tolerate each other’s presence. Just being around each other was half the struggle, you could not learn the routine and be expected to perform it, if the two of you fought every time you were within the vicinity of each other. Your thoughts however were interrupted by a voice.

“What if we go to that carnival they are having in town, like Coach Lee mentioned?” Sunghoon questioned, in between shoveling food into his mouth. “That way we aren’t alone, being around others might make this whole forced bonding somewhat better.” 

With a nod, you thought to yourself it might be the first good idea he’s ever had in his life. “Yeah, that would be okay. That way we can also go do other things if we start to fight, and I think it probably won’t be as dangerous as the rink could be if things get bad.” You said, the last part a murmur, before you continue to enjoy your own food.

As the two of you finished up eating, paying, and soon were back in his vehicle. Telling him your address, he quickly drove towards the side of town you lived on, going towards your house to drop you off. Exiting his vehicle, you thanked him, before running into your own house. After about twenty minutes you received a text from Sunghoon. He notified you that he made it home, and said to be ready at noon, since that was when he would be picking you up tomorrow for the carnival. 

The two of you continued to text after that, quickly eight at night turned into midnight, and before long two in the morning, and you had fallen asleep waiting for his reply. Waking around ten in the morning, you thought it was odd how easily the two of you were able to talk without being face to face. Granted, most of the conversation was little things like what your hobbies are, what music you like, what movies you like, and other interests of yours. As you readied yourself to take a shower, you thought for the first time, maybe working with him will not be as bad as you thought it would be. 

Getting dressed and having just finished drying and styling your hair, you heard a honk outside, followed by a vibration from your phone, notifying you of a text. Grabbing your phone and bag, you quickly made the way outside, seeing Sunghoon sitting in your driveway waiting for you. Quickly climbing into his car, you found yourself on the way to spend the day with him.. 

As he pulled into a small cafe, you exited his vehicle, following him inside as the two of you decided to eat lunch before going to the carnival. The conversation face to face was much more stunted than when you were texting, it was as though when texting you can imagine you are talking to someone else, but here face to face, you know it is just him. The two of you quickly finished your food and coffee, before resuming your trip to the carnival. 

Upon entering the carnival grounds, you were surprised it was not that busy, but then again, it was the middle of the day during the week, most people were still at work. “Let’s go on the rides before they start to get really busy?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, nodding your head, you followed him with haste, as you neared the rides. 

Ride after ride, you were thankful that he suggested going on the rides first, since as the day went on, more and more people were arriving, queues turned from five minutes into thirty. As the two of you exited the last ride, you both wandered around the carnival grounds for a bit, taking in everything else there was to see. The extremely rigged carnival games caught your eye, while some obscene ridiculous fried food that consisted of something that should have not been battered and fried caught Sunghoon’s attention. “Let’s split up, and text when we are ready to leave?” You offered, watching as he quickly nodded, walking in an opposite direction from you.

Splitting up, you started to play a bottle toss game, attempting to knock down a stack of bottles that more than likely were either being held down with glue, or just too heavy for the small baseball to knock down. Eyeing the grey bunny hanging upon the vendor’s tent, you were determined to win, wanting nothing more than the small fuzzy animal to be your companion. Try after try, you failed, luckily no one else was waiting, so you just kept trying. It was the tenth time you had provided the vendor with your money, honestly, you had probably given him more than what the stuffed animal was worth at that point, when you decided to give up. Moving onto another game, hoping you would have more success.

Sunghoon watched from afar, eating his deep fried delicacy, as you stared starry eyed at the floppy eared grey bunny. He stifled a laugh watching as you failed to knock over even one single bottle, one failure turned into two, then five, then ten. He watched as you dejectedly walked away, seemingly giving up on obtaining the stuffed toy. Finishing his food, he made his way over towards the vendor, getting into line behind some other couples that were attempting the game. If you asked him what he was thinking, he would have said he did not know, why did he feel bad watching you fail repeatedly after seeing how badly you wanted the stuffed animal, why did he feel the need to win it for you now, why did his heart slightly ache watching you walk away sadly empty handed. As he got to the front of the queue, he paid for his turn, and he somehow managed to hit the stack of bottles just right, watching as the six bottles all tumbled at once. At that moment, even the vendor seemed shocked, muttering something about how the heat must have weakened the glue, but Sunghoon could care less, “The grey rabbit,” he quickly told the man, watching as the guy quickly grabbed it, handing it to him, before rushing him off so he could reset his game. By the time the rabbit was in hand, you had disappeared, off playing another game, leaving him stuck carrying the grey toy until he could find you again. 

Venturing off, you started to play other games, winning little rings and candy bars, but no one else had a grey stuffed rabbit, much to your displeasure. Stopping at a food vendor, you bought a treat, as you finished it, you decided the only thing left for you to do was try that bottle game again, and maybe you would have better luck. Walking all over the carnival grounds, you searched for that game again, it took a while to finally find it, having ended up on the total opposite side of the grounds from where it was. As you neared the game, you saw the worst sight, an empty spot right where the bunny had hung just prior, someone else had already won it. With a sigh, you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to Sunghoon, asking if he was ready to go, with a quick reply of sure, you told him you would meet him by the front gates. As you walked towards the front gates, you decided you would just have to buy a stuffed rabbit yourself, it would not be as fun as winning one, but at least you would have one then.

Nearing the gates, Sunghoon had beaten you to the gates, of course he would however, with his long legs making two of your steps into one. As you neared him, he caught sight of you, an odd look in his eyes, a look you had never seen before. Finally standing besides him, you felt something being shoved at you, taking it with shock, you looked down. Within your hands was the grey rabbit, looking up at Sunghoon, you started to mutter, “What..what..” unable to make a coherent thought. 

Watching as Sunghoon ran his hand through his hair, he left out a sigh. “I saw you eyeing it, and you sucked at that game and it was pretty funny. But I felt kinda bad. I don’t want it. Just take it or I’ll throw it away.” He said, words taking no pauses, unsure of what to say, so he said everything. 

You were taken aback, first at how soft he sounded, but then how harsh. He just could not make up his mind to be rude or nice, but you simply nodded your head, holding the rabbit close to your chest. “Thank you.” Being the only words to slip through your lips. With a nod, you started to follow him back to his car, hearing one of the gate working fawning over such a cute teenage couple, while another woman complained to her boyfriend about why could he not be sweet like that and get her a stuffed prize; you wanted to correct them, but you were by his car when it finally hit you what they said. 

Climbing into his car, you decided he must have not heard what they said. Yet, as he started the car, he was thinking about it as well, having heard it. He started to leave the parking lot, fighting through the mass of traffic, people getting off work and bringing their families to enjoy a night at the carnival. As he drove you thought he would be taking you home, but instead he pulled into a familiar diner, the one he took you to yesterday. “Let’s eat dinner before we go home.” Was all he said, before exiting the car, leaving you to quickly follow him. 

The conversation this time flowed a lot better than it had this morning. You could only guess it was the result of spending roughly seven hours experiencing the joy and fun of a carnival with him, which had made you two closer. Discussing the rides and games you played, and finally deciding what to do tomorrow. Just deciding to have an easy day, go to the movies and maybe hang out at the park afterwards. 

The two of you finished eating dinner, to your surprise, Sunghoon quickly paid for it before you could pay for your own, leaving you shocked at his act, but that single act was a sign of the progress you two had made in just forty-eight hours. Climbing back in his car, staring at the road as he drove you home, you started to think maybe you never really hated him. Maybe it was just envy, envy that he was so much better at something you had trained so hard for your whole life, but it was not his fault he was naturally talented at it. As he parked in your driveway, you started to leave his vehicle, grabbing the rabbit, you turned to him, “I really enjoyed hanging out with you today.” You said to him quickly, before closing the door and making your way into your house, leaving him no chance to respond. 

Pulling away from your house, if you could read minds, then you would have known that he honestly felt the same. As you laid in your bed, the stuffed rabbit situated on your pillow, you finally pulled your phone from your back pocket. With all the fun you were having, you completely forgot to respond to Karina’s texts, and they were sure a mess when you finally read them. 

The first text she had sent you was a text asking if you were ‘spending time with your boyfriend today’, followed by roughly ten text of question marks, and a text saying ‘too busy making out with your boy to answer me’ followed by five crying faces. You quickly texted her back, ‘we had to hang out, remember’, ‘we did not make out’, and he is not my boyfriend’. After replying to those two, you scrolled to the rest of her messages, only to see a photo of the two of you taken at the carnival. The two of you were hand in hand, he was leading you from ride to ride, and the still was taken between two of the rides. She sent the picture along with twenty hearts of varying colors, saying ‘you and your boyfie’. Seeing the picture you immediately responded to it saying ‘who took this picture?’, and then once again repeating ‘he is not my boyfie’. 

As you were replying to all of Karina’s texts, you got one from Sunghoon, leaving her and her delusions, you replied to him. He said he got home, and then confirmed the details for tomorrow, telling you when he would pick you up, and for you to have a good night. It was odd, but you honestly felt at peace talking to him, it was better than you would have thought. As you finished replying to him, Karina replied to you, ‘i took the pic bestie you were too enamored with your lover boy to notice I was at the carnival as well’, then quickly texting ‘i was gonna come up to you but i didn’t want to ruin your date’. Laughing at her reply, you could not believe your luck, of course she would be there, despite you not telling her you would be at the carnival. ‘It wasn’t a date’ you replied before adding ‘and he’s not my lover boy.’ As you sent the text, Karina was quick to send another, ‘he might not be your lover boy yet but mark my words he will be’.

With that last text, you put your phone up, deciding it was enough Karina for tonight. Her and her delusions can live happily together on their own, since you were tired after your fun day. As you drifted in and out of sleep, your mind started to think about what Karina said, and then started considering that maybe it would not be that bad if it was true. Yet, only if you knew that what she said was not just all delusions that live in her head.

The next few days went great, going to the movies, going to the park, going to the carnival again, and just hanging out with him. After a few days, you two honestly were getting along together a lot better than you would have thought. Had someone asked you last week what you would do if Sunghoon and you were in a small car together, you would have probably said fight, but instead the truth was talk about random things and sing along to random songs on the radio.

 Before you knew it, it was time for you two to resume training, yet this time you two were ready. Throughout the prior week, the two of you had gotten used to each other’s company, you had become friends, and honestly the idea of skating with him did not seem as bad as you once thought. Starting to learn the program, the two of you quickly got the routine down, by the end of your first week you were just perfecting the routine. Even your coaches were shocked by the amount of growth the two of you had made during the week prior. 

Practice soon just became the two of you running through your routine a few times, before just playing around the skating rink the rest of the time. Your coaches thought it might take the whole two months before school started to get you two comfortable with skating together, and having the whole routine down. But, instead here you two were three weeks in with a perfect routine, and wasting other time doing various tricks, giving each other advice, and just having fun. 

The summer flew by, the two of you growing closer, even your coaches were confused as to what kind of relationship you had, both thinking you must be dating, due to how close you were. Your phone constantly was going off with text from Karina, her talking about your lover boy and giving you some oddly good advice coming from her, ‘if you don’t ask him out someone else will and you’ll miss your chance’. But, you did not know how he felt, since you had to skate with him, and you did not want to ruin the friendship you had forged throughout the past weeks. Yet, unbeknownst to you, he felt exactly the same.

Before you knew it, it was the last week before school started, and you had a competition to attend with your skating partner. As always, the routine went perfectly, each jump was executed perfectly, every lift was executed with ease. It was no surprise as the two of you received what were the highest scores of your skating careers, it showed you two were really meant to be pairs partners, even scoring higher than you ever did in singles. Despite having only been skating together for two months, the two of you easily took the gold, blowing all the other teams out of the water. The sheer amount of talent and passion was easily seen in your dancing, and you both played off each other’s energies so well. 

As the judge announced you as the winner, you quickly hugged Sunghoon, he returned the favor. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though you thought he might try to kiss you, but that was quickly over, the two of you having to focus on accepting your trophies and medals. The happiness and joy was evident in the air, you would have never thought competing with instead of against Sunghoon would bring you so much joy. After the mandatory photos and congratulations of your competitors and the judges, the two of you found your way back towards the locker rooms of the rink you were in. 

You moved slightly as Sunghoon hit your hip with his own, gaining your attention with that cheeky movement. “You did good out there.” Was all that he said, before taking your hand in his own. You started to think of your own reply, but it never came out of your mouth. After taking your hand, Sunghoon had pulled you completely against his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist, before his head leaned down, quickly connecting his lips with yours.

Kissing Sunghoon felt like a fever dream, was it real, were you really kissing him, did he actually feel the same way you did. As you returned the kiss, bringing your empty hand up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, as if there was any gap of space between you two. Breaking apart only as you both started to feel the slight burn in your throat from the absence of air, he rested his forehead against yours, gazing up into his eyes, you knew it was true, he felt the same way. “You did good.” You simply said, as the two of you separated, needing to go get out of your skating outfits. At your comment, you saw Sunghoon raise his eyebrow, obviously taking your comment to mean something else, “I mean on the ice you loser.” was quickly added.

With a short laugh, and a final soft kiss to your forehead, Sunghoon paused at the door to the men’s locker room. “Sure you did.” Was all he said, the sarcastic tone dripping from his words, he definitely took your comment as a compliment, and he would have it no other way. With that, he gave you no chance to respond, instead entering the locker room, leaving you standing in the hall.

Entering your own locker room, you changed into your comfortable clothing. Throwing everything into your gym bag, you prepared to leave, it was like everything hit you all at once. What had happened this summer would have been something you would think was a nightmare, had you been told about a year ago. Sunghoon and you were now friends, skating in pairs, and possibly about to be something more than friends. Leaving the room, you saw Sunghoon standing there, without saying anything he took your hand, leading you out of the rink and to his car. 

As he placed your bags into the bag seat of his car, you texted your parents to let them know that Sunghoon would be bringing you home. Getting in as Sunghoon opened the door for you, with a sigh you then watched as he walked over to his own door, observing the male as he climbed in and started the car. The car ride to the diner was a comfortable silence, but during the whole ride, something was nagging at you, the idea of were you or were you not. Seeing how other than kissing you, he took no initiative to clarify what you two were, you decided to take it upon yourself. “What are we?” You asked, just as the car came to a stop, the diner in front of the car.

 “What do you want us to be?” Sunghoon asked, as he turned to look towards you. “Since I know what I want, but I don’t know if you feel the same.” 

Taking his hand, you started to play with his fingers as you stared into his eyes. “I think you know how I feel after earlier.” You reminded him. “And if you feel how I feel, then I want it just like you do.” Was all you said, before softly smiling at him.

Sunghoon simply took the hand that was playing with his fingers within his own hands, lifting it up his face, before softly kissing your hand. “Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.” Was all he said, before lowering your hand, waiting for an answer.

Listening to his reply, you could not stop yourself from laughing. After seeing a cold Sunghoon for so long, it was odd to see a goofy pickup line using man in front of you. “Did you- Did you just use a pick up line on me?” You said in between your laughs.

As you started to laugh, Sunghoon did as well, laughter filled the car for a moment. It took a while for either of you to calm down enough to talk, and when he finally did, all he said was “Yes. Did it work?” 

With a short laugh, a nod of your head, you unbuckle your seatbelt. “You didn’t need to use a pickup like to get me. You’ve already got me.” As you told him that, you leaned across his car’s middle console, bringing him into another kiss. The hand that was not being held by him found its way into his hair, holding him as close as you could in his cramped space. 

For a moment, Sunghoon froze as your lips met his, before he quickly melted into the kiss. He released your hand that he held, one arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you against the console as much as he could, attempting to eliminate any space he could in between you, never wanting this to end. The two of you continued to kiss until the familiar feeling from before hit you, separating and leaning against each other’s foreheads, the both of you tried to catch your breaths. “I guess we can call this our first date.” Sunghoon said, once he felt able to talk again.

With a soft laugh, you looked up at him, “Usually you kiss after the date.” You notified him, before quickly placing another kiss on his lips, this time, pulling away before he could reciprocate. “Not before it.” You added, as you removed your hands from his hair, before leaning against the seat, still somewhat out of breath.

“Well, I guess we just did some things backwards,” Sunghoon replied, before he climbed out of the car. He quickly came to your side, opening the car door and helping you out. Hand in hand, the two of you entered the diner, the usual waitress that would serve you after your practices, noticing the two of you. A look in her eyes tells you that she had been waiting for this as well, it seems like everyone knew the two of you had feelings for one another, but each other. 

Before long Sunghoon was pulling into your driveway, this time walking you to your front door, instead of just staying in the vehicle and making sure you got inside. “I enjoyed tonight.” You told him, as he walked you hand in hand to the door. Once at your door, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. 

“I enjoyed it too, and it will be the first of many.” Sunghoon said, reciprocating the hug, before he kissed you once more. This time, it was a fleeting peck, he then kissed your forehead and tip of your nose before releasing you from the hug. “Have a good night.” He said, pulling back and raising his arm, your gym bag in his hand. 

Taking the bag, you turned to open the front door. “You too.” You said, before heading in, watching as he walked back to his car. Observing from the window by the front door, you watched him reenter his car, before backing up and driving away. After having the best skating performance of your life and a wonderful date with who at this time in your life, you feel is the love of your life. Telling your parents good night, you started towards your room. As you walk upstairs, you could hear your mother comment on the two of you. It seems even your parents felt the same way as the waitress, knowing the two of you would end up together. 

Entering your room, flopping on your bed, it took everything in you not to squeal in happiness, instead you kicked your feet for a moment, the joy overtaking your body, a happiness you have honestly never felt before. After a few minutes, you decided to share the news, quickly video calling Karina, knowing she would be awake and waiting for updates. It only took one ring for her to answer, and you immediately started to spill everything to her. “We won,” was the start, but she was at the competition, and she knew that already. “And he kinda kissed me and then took me on a date.”

Karina was not as calm as you, the scream she released was heard through your phone speaker. “WHAT! HE WHAT! FINALLY!” Karina started to scream. “It took you all this time to realize you liked each other, I thought we might have been entering our idiots in love slowburn era, it took you two months, TWO MONTHS!” She said, not even giving you a chance to respond, but you just let her get all her feelings out. “I told you that you were going to fall for him, I told you. He’s your boyfriend, I told you this would happen, oh my god, I’m like a fortune telling, I told the future.” Karina started going off on some tangent, but at some point you just quit listening, falling asleep while on video chat with her.

Waking up in the morning, it was odd to see a text from Sunghoon, it said ‘good morning beautiful’, and that made you realize it was not a dream, you did not dream up this elaborate thing, it was real, indeed very real. Texting him back, you two started to plan your day, where to hang out and what to do. With it being only a week until school started, your routine stayed the same, hanging out and going on dates, enjoying being around one another, as school officially started. Yet, this routine of being together did not even change in the years to come.

Meeting him officially the summer before sophomore year, learning there was more to him than just being better at skating than you, was the most life changing moment of your life. You never thought that the person you once viewed as your enemy would be the one you were holding hands with in the hall, sneaking kisses from when no one was looking, and enjoying dates after hard practices at the rink with. You never thought that you would be the target of the looks of envy and hatred from the girls infatuated by him, usually Karina and you would make fun of the girls. Yet, here you were the target of their hatred, the fact that you did something they could never achieve, made him fall in love with you. It felt so natural, no one would understand what you had to do like he did, and you were both thankful for it. 

Competing in pairs was something you had never thought of, but here you were three years into doing them, having taken nothing but golds with your handsome boyfriend by your side. Yet, as senior year was ending, things were starting to change. No longer was it talking about summer competitions, it was talking about college degrees and majors. Where did he want to go, where did you want to go, and oddly enough the surprise you both had when you found out you were accepted into the same school, Decelis University. 

Had you known everything would change in a moment, you would have savored those moments a bit more. Enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms for a moment longer, the warmth he somehow provided despite the cold of the ice skating rink, the way he lit a fire in your heart, a feeling you never wanted to let die out. If only you could have predicted the future, well the genuine truth was, if only you had been more careful, and then it would not have happened. 

Most people imagine their life in a realistic way, graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, getting a good job, getting married, and then starting a family. But life does not always work like that, sometimes the steps are out of order. Like when you two had your first kiss before your first date, that kind of out of order was cute and fun. But with it being only three months until you graduated high school, you realize you were doing things out of order as well, but this time it was not in the cute or fun way some people do. 

Nothing hurt you as much as that little pink plus sign staring up at you from the test within your hand. You did not want to admit to your parents your cycle had been late, instead telling your best friend Karina. She would never judge you, since she would be a hypocrite especially seeing how she had had her own scares, which is why you felt comfortable coming to her. Yet, with the positive test in hand, you wanted to do nothing more than rewind your life back twenty minutes, and never bring the topic up. Ignore it until it was too late and others could tell, yet, at that point he would have also been able to tell. 

“Hey, don’t worry, it might just be a false positive,” Karina’s voice said, trying to be helpful, “take another, or two more, that way we can be absolutely certain.” Wordlessly you allowed her to shove two boxes in your hands, before pushing you back into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, there sat three tests, identical little pink plus signs on each of them. It did not take long for Karina to realize what was going on, as she heard a concealed sob from the other side of the door. She quickly entered, enveloping you in her arms, the scene in front of her was all she needed to see. No words were spoken, the only sounds within the bathroom being your sobs, as your best friend held you close, letting you cry into her shoulder while sitting uncomfortably on her bathroom floor. 

How long you cried, you were unsure of, just letting the tears fall until it felt like there were no more tears left to cry. Finally did you stand, resting your head on Karina’s shoulder as you spoke for the first time in a while, “What am I going to do?” Your voice was meek, weak, and soft, the consequences of all the crying you had just done. Luckily she did not reply, instead dragging you towards the comfort of her bed, allowing you to flop onto the pillow mattress, knowing the next conversation would be even worse.

Karina sat next to you, occasionally patting your head as she thought of what to say next. This was not the situation either of you thought you would be in, not at this point in your life, you still had three months of high school left, you had your college life, your career, your whole life ahead of you, but at the moment, it was all murky and uncertain. “You have to tell him,” was what she finally decided upon saying, “you aren’t alone, it’s his fault as well. You need to tell him.” 

It was in that moment that it finally hit you, not only was your future dangling in the balance, but now his future was as well. Shaking your head you finally sat up, looking Karina in the eyes as you took her hands. “He can not find out, I’ll figure out something, but please promise me you won’t say anything, especially not to him. Please you need to promise me that.” You started to plead, the desperation obvious in your voice. While this might ruin your dreams of olympic figure skating fame, you would not allow it to ruin his. 

A huff slipped from Karina’s lips before she nodded. “He’ll find out eventually, but I won’t tell him, but you will need to tell him soon.” She told you, unbeknownst to her, that you had already started formulating an idea of what to do within your head. Which within this plan, he does not find out, and you plan to keep it that way. After spending the day with Karina, the plan was already set within your head, you might ruin your own life, but you would not drag him down with you. 

The first stage of your plan was to let your parents know, which oddly enough was easier done than you expected. The anger and disappointment you expected from them was absent, instead they were disappointed in themselves, angered that you felt you could not come to them with this. It hurt watching your mother cry as you explained yourself, “I never want you to feel you can’t come to us with something,” your mother cried, as you watched your father try to awkwardly soothe the two of you. 

It was comforting knowing that they would support you the way you needed to be, be there for you and their future grandchild. While they disagreed with your idea to not tell Sunghoon, you were clear that your mind would not change, he had the potential to be the next olympic star, and you would not drag him down with you. It was with their help that you got the next stage of your plan completed.

The second stage of your plan was still going to be attempting college. Just because you were pregnant and going to be having a child, you were not going to let that define your future, you would go to college, get a degree, and get a good job for them. Yet, you had been accepted to your dream college, which was the same one Sunghoon had been accepted to as well, but luckily you had connections abroad. One call to your grandmother and she was clearing two rooms, while your parents helped you research universities in that area. Luckily you had not missed the application date for some of the universities that had your chosen major, quickly applying, and getting those acceptance emails. After high school graduation, you were leaving the country, going to live with your grandmother, and attending a university just twenty minutes from her house. 

The third stage was the hardest stage of all, you had to break his heart, break your own heart, and remove yourself from his life. Just months earlier you would have said Sunghoon was the love of your life, you had started to envision a life with him, both in the skating world and outside of it. It would be a lie if you said you had not thought about your future, the idea of your boyfriend becoming your husband, the two of you living the rest of your life happily together. But, this was reality, not some daydream, and things do not always work out in real life. 

You wanted to end things before graduation, but each and every time you could not. The way he looked in your eyes with nothing but love, causing you to stop in your tracks, instead just going along with what he had planned. The way he held your hand like you were the most precious thing in his life, caused your heart to break a little bit more each and every time you thought of what you had to do. Putting it off made it worse, and before long it was the day of high school graduation, and you had to do it that day, otherwise you might just leave him with no closure, and as much as it hurt, you could not do that. 

The happy photos and joy of graduation had ended two hours prior, and now here you sat, hand in hand on the hood of his car, still in the parking lot at the school, watching as people milled about, slowly leaving. “I need to tell you something,” you started, knowing it would only get harder the more you waited, “I’m moving.” 

Sunghoon nodded his head, without much thought, “Are you living in the dorms at Decelis or in the apartments off campus? I mean if it’s the apartments, we could always go in together, I wouldn’t mind getting out of my house, my little sister is getting to that annoying teenager stage and all afterall.” He was optimistic about the future, especially a future with you.

Shaking your head, you softly sighed, while you would love nothing more than that, it was just not in the cards for you. “No, Sunghoon, I’m moving, moving. Like leaving here, moving. I know we talked about Decelis, but I’ve been accepted near where my grandma lives. She needs my help, so I’m moving to be with her. I wish it didn’t have to be like this, I wish I could stay here, but I just can’t, she needs me more.” You said, once you started talking, it seemed like you needed to fill the void, coming up with things about your grandmother, lies at that. 

“And I just, I love you, but I think it would be best if we just broke up. We are going to be in different places, different time zones, around different people, and I just think it would be for the best. You can probably find someone way better than I am for you in college, and you can focus on your skating. I think it would be for the best.” Despite wanting to be brief, instead it was practically like you were unable to stop talking, everything coming out rushed, part of you hoping he at least heard you, so you did not have to repeat yourself. Since, if you had to say again, you might break down, and you were hoping to save that until you were at home and alone.

“What,” was the first thing from Sunghoon’s mouth, “what are you talking about, moving, grandma, breakup. We can make it work, we can do long distance, I have faith in us, we can make it. Don’t just say it so easily, we can do anything, I believe in us.” He said, as your words started to hit him. He thought he knew you like the back of his hand, but it seems like he did not. There were so many things he did not know about you, it shocked him. You were moving out of the country, you were leaving him, and you were breaking up with him. 

You refused to reply to him, instead just sitting in the uncomfortable silence, as what was said started to settle. He was the one to move from where you were seated first, wrenching his hands from yours, and getting off the hood of the car. Staying where you were for another moment, you wanted to relive those moments again, holding his hands and sharing soft kisses under the moonlight, before this uncomfortable tension set in. Moving, you stood up, making sure to stay on the opposite side of the car from where he stood. 

“Get in the car, I’ll take you home.” Was all Sunghoon said, a coldness audible from his words. He had dreamed of a future with you, being the it couple on campus, possibly going to the Olympics together, skating with one another for as long as time would allow. He was happy, and he thought you were as well, but all he can think is that sometimes people are wrong, and he was wrong for thinking you felt the same as he did. 

The ride home was silent, neither of you spoke, and despite how much it hurt, you just kept reminding yourself it was for the best. He can continue skating like nothing happened, he can move on to someone better, and you will move on with your life. Raise your child, your daughter according to what the latest ultrasound results claimed, and allow him to achieve what you know he can. It felt like time was passing extremely slowly as he drove to your house, minutes feeling like hours, and you hated it, no longer was the silence comfortable or enjoyable, it was cruel and it was cold. 

Not a word was spoken as he stopped in front of your house. It hurt as you heard his car’s engine revving, quickly driving off, before you had even approached the door of your house. Tears began to fall, knowing you had hurt him so badly he did not even care enough to make sure you got to your front door. Entering the house, the tears fell faster, what little strength you had holding them in failed as you reached your room. It only took minutes for your pillow to be soaked, the pain you felt in this moment, worse than any pain you felt before. But, you would deal with it for him, you would not bring him down with you.

Stage three of your plan was the hardest, and you felt that pain as you cried almost all night. The tears only stopped when you passed out, your body being unable to take crying anymore. When you awoke the next day, it was close to three in the afternoon, yet with how much you were crying, it made sense. You had broken up with him, not all you had to do was remove any trace of yourself from his life. Mostly, any remnants of yourself from your joint refuge of years, the skating rink. 

For the two years you were together, the skating rink was a safe haven, where you often would enjoy each other's presence and have dates. It was where you met, where you worked through all your problems, where you fell in love, and now it needed to just be an ice rink, instead of everything it was before. Luckily you knew his schedule, you knew he would not be there, and you knew more than likely he was home doing the same thing you had been last night, crying. 

Entering the rink you immediately went to the locker room, clearing out the space that held your belongings for the last fourteen years. You had spent that long doing what you love, and here it was coming to an end quicker than you would have ever thought. As you stared at things you removed from the locker, mostly photos of your performances, specifically of stills from Sunghoon and your pairs performances, you failed to hear the doors of the locker room opening. Coach Kim might have been harsh, but she was always there when you needed her. It would be a lie if you said it did not hurt when you told her you were quitting, telling her the same story you told Sunghoon, your grandma and going abroad. But Coach Kim had been there in your life longer than he had, and she knew it was more than just that. 

“He’s gonna find out one of these days and feel extremely betrayed that you kept this from him.” Coach Kim’s voice softly said, within the silent and almost empty locker room. You could lie all you want, but she knew what was going on, she knew why you were quitting, but what she could not understand was why you were hiding it from him. A laugh slipped from her lips, looking at your shocked face, mouth agape trying to create a response. “Don’t deny it dear, I could tell you were pregnant last month. Skating is a good workout and it helps keep a lot of the weight from being gained, but I could still see that little bump on your lower stomach. I know you are quitting to not tell him, but you need to tell him, I genuinely think he would stand by you and support you. That boy’s in love with you, he would do anything for you, anything for the both of you.” Coach Kim sat on one of the benches, patting the spot besides her, for you to join her.

Sitting by her, it took everything in you not to cry once again. “I just, I can’t.” you muttered, trailing off, murmuring some unintelligible things. Staring at the photos in your hands, you started to question yourself. Was this plan really for the best, was it really what you needed to do, was telling him the truth better? But, at this point it was too late, you already made all your plans, flights were booked, and you had ended this with him. 

Gazing at the photo in your hands, Coach Kim smiled, it was from your first performance with him. “You know why we paired you two up?” She asked, eyes looking from the photo to you. “When he first joined, he watched you skate, he thought it was cool, and he commented to Coach Lee that he thought you were really pretty. We always thought that you two might become friends on your own, but instead of friendship, you both just seemed to hate each other. So, we decided to pair you both together. We thought you might become friends, that the bad energy between you two would go away. We never would have guessed that the two of you would fall in love, but honestly, watching as you got close, we realized it was inevitable. He would stare at you like you had put the stars up in the night sky just for him. And you would stare at him up at him like he was the moon in your dark night sky. You two completed each other, neither Lee nor I had seen such genuine passion between a pair, since you were not only passionate about skating, but also about each other. A little bit too passionate at the wrong time if you ask me.” She said, her hand gently brushing your stomach as she said her last sentence. Glancing at her watch, she started to stand, offering you her hand, to help you stand as well. “Don’t let this be a goodbye, just let it be a bye for now. You will always be welcome here, even if I’m not your coach and you aren’t training anymore. Our doors will always be open for you, and my office is open if you need to talk, and you know my phone number.” She finished, before heading out, having to attend her next session.

As she left, you were left with all your thoughts once again, and despite the feelings of regret, you had to push on, it already had been done, and you needed to see it through. Quickly you shoved everything in your bag, wanting to get out of here before you broke down crying. It was more difficult than you thought it would be, but maybe that was just because of Coach Kim’s speech. Leaving the locker room, it hurt, knowing this would probably be the last time you were here. Going from being here almost daily for fourteen years, to not being here at all, and despite how much you went through in training, you would miss this place. 

Stage four of your plan started as you arrived home, starting to pack up everything you had for the trip. You were going to stay abroad for who knows how long, a year, two years, maybe the rest of your life. But for now, you just packed essentials, two suitcases, your parents telling you they can always send more in boxes if you need it, but part of you knew it would be useless. It would either be things that do not fit anymore or things you no longer need. It took about twelve hours for you to be satisfied with how you were leaving everything, your room not empty, but trivial things set aside to be donated, broken things set aside to be trashed, and what you felt would have value set aside to be kept. Yet, there was one thing you hid, not wanting to see it, but also not wanting to trash it. A singular box, it was deep purple with silver stripes, within it held every memory of your time with Sunghoon. It sat on the top of your closet shelf, above some boxes of blankets and quilts you were leaving here, wanting nothing that would remind you of him to go abroad with you, except for your memories and the growing child in your stomach.

You kept yourself locked in your house for the next three days, not wanting to chance running into Sunghoon, his sister, or his parents in town. The only person you saw that was not family within those days was Karina, as she tried to convince you to stay, tell him, and live happily ever after. But, as she stood alongside your parents watching you board the plane, she knew even her attempts were useless. Karina stood in your mom’s embrace, the two of them crying, as your father wished things could be different. But in twenty-six hours you would be in another country, at your grandmother's house, rebuilding your life there away from everything you ever knew, and away from the love of your life.

Living with your grandmother was great, she was a wonderful person, and despite her views of your teenage pregnancy, she would always support you and be there for you. The first year living with your grandmother was great, despite six months into it a third roommate being born, she was always willing to help and be there. When you decided to take a gap year instead of starting university straight away, she was supportive of you. When you decided to get a job to help pay for things, she was always willing to care for her great granddaughter. Despite her old age, she was always there and willing to help you, whenever needed. 

A year became two, and then three. Being in your sophomore year at university with a two year old daughter was not something you would have thought was in your future had someone asked you years ago. In high school you would have claimed skating in the Olympics, or skating in the Olympics with Sunghoon, depending what year you asked. But here you were, raising a two year old, attending school, working, and supporting your grandmother. A life that was a lot better than you would have initially thought. 

Yet, not all things stay happy, they say bad things happen in groups of three. Despite it being near the end of your sophomore year, a time that should be joyous, you completed two years of university, it was anything but. It took one bad fall for your grandmother to end up in the hospital, actually, it took one bad fall for your grandmother to not be leaving the hospital at all. The house you were living in was taken out by a fire, a lightning bolt hitting it at the wrong time, igniting a fire and taking the whole thing down, luckily you were not at home when it happened. It took one regular check up for your mom to call you with bad news, your dad had been diagnosed with cancer, and he did not have long left. Despite leaving back home so quickly, you were still too late. A three in the morning call told you the worst news, he had passed, his last words being that he loved your mother, you, and Sohee. 

Three horrible things, just one after another. This was how you ended up in talks with your mother, planning to move back home, back in with your mother, and finishing your university there. You were shocked when you applied to Decelis and they accepted a transfer, even offering some of the same benefits you had been offered before. Three years should be enough, you thought, he should not be there or in your classes. You should not have to be around him or worry about him, or so you thought. 

Karina was the only friend you stayed in touch with during your time abroad, knowing she was the only one that would not immediately tell anyone who asked why you left. So, it was not a surprise when you entered the terminal only to hear a shrill voice yelling out your name, along with your daughter’s name. 

“SOHEE!!!!” Karina yelled at the top of her lungs, grasping the small child in her arms, squeezing her with one arm, as she began squeezing you with the other. A short laugh left your lips, as a look of realization fell upon your daughter's face. “You are just so much cuter in real life, oh my gosh photos aren’t enough.” Karina squealed, starting to pick up the two year old, as your daughter started to realize the woman in front of her was her auntie she only saw in photos. “And look at you, oh my gosh, you look amazing, I’d never guess you produced this while looking like that.”

Allowing Karina to carry your daughter, you grabbed your luggage, following the two of them as you left the terminal. “It’s so odd being back home. I thought we’d stay until I graduated at least. But it was just like one thing after another, but I’m glad we’re back. She’ll finally get to bond with her auntie in a way that isn’t just through facetime now.” You said, poking Karina with your elbow at the last part. “I’ll finally be able to have some me time, since you’ll get to enjoy some auntie and Sohee time.”

“I’ll take all the auntie and Sohee time I can get, like look at this precious little angel, what’s the worst she’s gonna do, bite me.” Karina said, still absolutely enamored with the child she was carrying in her arms. Loading the Sohee into a car seat, she then came back to help you load the luggage into the back of the car. “She really does look like him though.” She muttered, watching as you sadly nodded.

Despite DNA being a fifty-fifty sort of deal, it seems your daughter got his looks, even having identical moles on her nose like he had. If she had short hair, people would probably think it was a baby photo of Sunghoon, and not your daughter. “Hey, she’s got my attitude though, so I think that’s a bit more of a problem than the fact she looks identical to him.” You replied, your voice starting to weaken as you ended your sentence. You carried her for ten months, just for her to come out looking like the person you were trying to forget, as if that was not some type of cosmic justice in some way.

Getting into the car, Karina drove to your parents house, the drive quiet, as Sohee had fallen asleep in the car seat. “Is it bad that I don’t want to wake her?” Karina softly asked you, as you arrived at your house, Sohee’s sleeping figure in the car seat looking akin to an angel, a drastic contrast from the usual rambunctious and energetic toddler she usually is. 

The flight was stressful for the toddler, you were just luckily she had been quiet during it. Instead of screaming and crying, she was being coddled and cuddled by a sweet elderly couple that sat in the seats across from you, allowing you to rest as Sohee got all the attention her little heart desired from all the people around on the plane. She was genuinely such a lovely sweet child, and you were grateful for that. Even as an infant she did not throw much of a fuss, she slept through the night with ease, cried sparingly, and honestly was more mannered than most children. Even now, in her aptly named terrible twos, she was just energetic and excitable, rather than throwing tantrums and screaming at the top of her lungs. The energy and joy from the flight had worn off, causing her to sleep so deeply, you were sure even the slamming car door would not wake her.

Shaking your head, you turned and looked at Karina, watching her still observing her niece’s angelic sleeping face. “It’s fine, just keep an eye on her and I’ll take our stuff in. She’s probably tired from the flight, afterall we were on that plane for over twenty hours.” Getting out of the car, you quickly started removing your luggage from the back of Karina’s car, transporting it to your parents house. A sigh of relief passed your lips as you took out your old house key, seeing it still worked to unlock the door, placing your bags just within the door, you made a mental note to take them to your room later. 

Returning to the car, you were greeted with a bright and smiling face, little Sohee trying her hardest to get out of the carseat. “She woke up on her own,” Karina quickly said, thinking you may have thought she had awakened her. Simply nodding your head, you helped the child out of the carseat. Upon her small shoes hitting the ground, she was off, running circles around the grass of your house’s front yard. Karina exited her car, locking the doors before following you towards your house. A laugh slipped past your lips as you watched her quickly scoop up the running toddler, carrying her into the house, before you entered behind them. 

Sohee quickly took to exploring the new environment, luckily your mother had baby proofed the house the moment she heard the two of you were returning. With that thought, you needed to call your mom soon, see how she was doing. You knew how she handled stress, throwing herself in work and not taking any breaks. Leaving Karina to watch Sohee, you entered your old bedroom, it looked the same as the day you left it. Your parents really did leave it just in case you needed to come back, the only thing they did during the three years was clean it, keeping a layer of dust from accumulating. 

Calling your mother’s number, you expected her to answer it immediately as she always did, but assuming she was so tied up in her work, it was not a surprise when it went to voicemail. “Hey mom, call me when you see this. I just wanted to check in, see how you are doing. Sohee and I arrived safely, Karina brought us home, and Sohee’s currently finding her way around the house. Please don’t work too much, come home as soon as work is over, no overtime today, we’re excited to see you. I love you.” Ending the call you stared at your phone, seeing no immediate reply, it hurt, but you knew her, and hopefully she would see the message. 

Using the time Karina was spending with Sohee, you started to bring your luggage to your room, unpacking quickly. You were happy to see a second bed in your bedroom, allowing both Sohee and you to have your own bed. As you shoved your clothing in the dresser and closet, something caught your eye, a purple box, and it took everything in you not to pull it down from where it sat. Tears almost came to your eyes, before the little voice just outside the doorway caught your attention, “Mommy,” being yelled by little Sohee. 

“Yes, sweetie.” You replied, leaving the closet and seeing your sweet child staring up at you with wide eyes, before she started looking around the room. “This is my old room, and this is where we will be staying from now.” You simply told her, leaning down, looking in her eyes. “You see that bed right there,” you started, pointing to the smaller bed near the bigger bed, “that one right there is your bed, it’s all your own.” At that, the toddler squealed, running towards the Hello Kitty sheets covered bed, jumping onto it with excitement, pulling the soft pink sheets around her small body.

You were lucky she was taking this change well, she adapted to the new environment quickly, much quicker than you had when you moved. It was not even a minute later, her little body was in slumber, all her energy and excitement from earlier drained, she was once again asleep. Closing the door quietly behind you, you left the room, going to find Karina. Upon seeing her, the girl was looking around, obviously for Sohee thinking she lost the child. “She’s sleeping again, all the running tired her out.” A laugh slipped past your lips, seeing the obvious look of relief upon Karina’s face, letting her know she did in fact not lose your daughter. 

After soothing her worries, you found your way back downstairs, sitting on the couch, as Karina took a seat next to you. As the two of you sat together, you started catching up. It was like no time had passed at all, the conversation flowed between the two of you without much effort, with just as much ease as it had before you left. The only time it stilled was when you went to check on Sohee, bringing her down into the living room once more, seeing her awake. You learned all about what Karina was doing, where she worked, her major, and how much longer she had until graduation.

While she had not taken a gap year as you had, she did however change majors after two years, causing a whole year of her classes to be useless. Despite how it set her back, you were happy you would not be alone going into your junior year, especially hearing as she said she was majoring in the same program as you were. While you were happy to hear that, you were sad to find out that you two were not taking the same classes, meaning you would have to make some new friends, or at least new acquaintances. 

The conversation flowed, the two of you watching the young child playing on the floor, and it was not long before you heard a door opening. Your mother had finally arrived, it was late, the sun had already set an hour before, your mother obviously had not listened to her voicemails, instead throwing herself into work as she always did when stressed. At the arrival of your mother, Karina took her leave, excusing herself to go home. 

Despite it being past sweet Sohee’s bedtime, you could not find it in yourself to take her to bed, instead allowing her to stay up to see her grandma in person for the first time in a while. One of your biggest regrets was your father not having much time with her, however, you would make sure your mother got to spend all the time she wanted with your daughter. You were unable to change the past, but you would make sure your mother did not have the same fate. As you thought of that, a singular string of words passed through your mind, what about Sohee’s father, does he not deserve the same courtesy. 

A look of confusion painted your mother’s face as Karina slipped past her, leaving, then upon seeing her girls in the living room. “When did you get home?” She asked, setting her stuff on the floor, rushing over to pull you into a hug, before scooping Sohee’s small figure off the floor.

“I guess you didn’t listen to your voicemails.” You simply said, returning the hug, watching as your daughter clung to her grandma, recognizing her from photos. “We arrived a bit after noon, Karina picked us up and stayed with us until you got here.” The image of your mother softly bouncing your daughter, as she ruffled the girl's long black hair was a sight you would not forget, while the pregnancy was unplanned, at least Sohee was not unwanted or unwelcome in this world. 

Your mother shook her head, she had not even thought about checking her phone, expecting nothing but the usual regards from old friends and well wishes. She was completely enamored with the small girl in her arms, the little toddler clinging to her neck, yawning, obviously tired. “Let’s put her down and then we can continue talking.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as your mother took Sohee to your bedroom, tucking her into her bed. “I love you. Mama, nana, Rina.” gently slipped past the toddlers lips as she was laid in the bed, quickly falling asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

The talk with your mother was long overdue, you rarely had time to speak when you were away, with time zones and all. You learned before about what had happened just before coming back, how your father went from fine to deathly ill, apparently he had not been fine, and had actually just been hiding it from your mother, so the onset was not sudden it was just hidden. While talking, your mother promised to cut back on her overtime, to only work until the end of her day, not hours over. Which, after seeing how she reacted to seeing her granddaughter, you had no doubt she was being truthful, obviously wanting to spend more time with the toddler. 

Going to bed after talking with your mom, you felt comfortable, maybe it was the old reliable bed that you were laying in, or maybe it was just being back home, the surroundings being something you were accustomed to. But, either way, you felt comfortable, sleep came with ease. Despite the stress of starting at a new university, you were excited for what was to come, for both you and your daughter. 

The next month went by quickly, days spent between looking for a job, hanging out with Karina, and raising your daughter. Your mother was true to her word, actually cutting back her hours, going to part time, allowing her to be around the home more. Karina was always a help as well, willing to watch Sohee while you went to job interviews and got your information changed back to your home address. It was not long before it was just before school was to start, you had been luckily enough to avoid running into any of your former high school classmates, but you knew you would not be as lucky at university, since you knew at least a few would probably be in the same program as you, and all you could hope was that no one caught on, the last thing you needed was for word to get back to him.

Your first day of university was on a Monday, meaning Karina was baby sitting Sohee, seeing how she had Tuesday and Thursday classes, and you were on your way to class. Upon sitting in your first class, it felt more homely than your classes abroad did, no longer were classes full of over five hundred people, instead they were capped at fifty, which you were thankful for. As the class started to fill, not a singular face was recognizable, as it finally was full, you knew no one, and for that, you were thankful. 

This happiness continued until you were in your last class of the day, the other three having not a singular familiar name or face, but of course your luck was running too thin by the end of the day. Class started as normal, the teacher reading the classlist, marking those who were there and those who were not. It was going great until they read a certain name, “Sim Jaeyun,” the teacher, Mrs. Byun read aloud, to no comment. Hearing the name, you thought it must just be someone with the same name, that can happen, it is not rare. “Jake Sim? Sim Jaeyun?” The teacher repeated, “Has anyone seen him, or is he just running late?” 

Hearing the name, your blood ran cold, it was him, of course it had to be someone you knew, and worst of all Sunghoon’s best friend. As the teacher continued, you started planning how to drop the class. It was not required by your major, you had like three other classes you could pick from, but none of them worked with your schedule. You were almost lost in thought when the door opened, and walked no other than Jake himself. 

You watched as he apologized to the teacher, saying something about running late in his prior class, before taking one of the only available seats in the class. After he entered, you looked back down at your desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper your notebook was opened to.  Had you been looking up, you would have seen the look of realization that fell upon his face as his eyes caught your figure. After marking Jake as present, she continued with the class list, your name being called soon after. “Here.”

Upon seeing your face, Jake thought to himself how uncannily that person looked like you. But, it could not be you, since it had been three years since you left to another country. He would have heard if you were back, or at least assumed he would have. Yet, upon hearing the teacher call your name, and a familiar voice responding, he knew he was right. It had been three years, but he would never forget the face of the person who destroyed his best friend, broke his heart, and ruined his dreams. If you were sitting closer to him, you would have been able to see his phone screen, as he sent a simple message to a group chat consisting of three people, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo. The message only said ‘she’s back’.

It felt like class was going on forever since you realized who it was sitting two seats in front of you. The end of class could not come quick enough, and when it finally did, you quickly exited, evading an attempt to grab your arm. The fleeting feeling of a hand on your wrist let you know Jake tried to stop you, but you continued walking, escaping his grasp. He was probably going to try to threaten you to leave Sunghoon alone, but he had nothing to worry about, since you planned on never seeing his handsome face again, unless it was on the other side of the television screen, watching him as he skates his heart out, achieving his dreams, a dream you gave up on so many years ago.

This class was your last of the day, so you instead quickly went home, wanting nothing more than the adorable face of your little girl to distract you from what had happened today. Getting to Karina’s house, you soon found yourself seated on her sofa, watching Sohee play with some of the toys she had brought to show Aunt Rina this morning. 

It was as though Karina could tell something was off, maybe it was how you were sitting on edge, or how you were unable to relax into the sofa. “What happened today?” She softly asked, luckily Sohee was too caught up on her toys to pay attention to what the two of you were saying.

“Jake.” You simply replied. “He’s in one of my classes and I’m pretty sure he recognized me.” After saying that, all you could do was pull your legs up to your chest, wanting nothing more than to disappear after seeing a part of your past you had tried so hard to hide from. If he knew, you knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew, Sunghoon knew. You just hoped that if he did find out, he would not approach you, the last thing you needed right now was to deal with those feelings. 

Even all these years later, you still loved him, Sunghoon was your first love, and according to how your heart felt, it planned to make him your last as well. While abroad, no guy ever made you feel the way Sunghoon did, no guy took your breath away like he did, no guy made butterflies flutter within your stomach like he did, no guy held a candle to him. No guy even got to take you out on a date, since those initial feelings were not there, your heart still holding onto its feelings for one specific man, Park Sunghoon. You were sure he would not give you the time of day now, after breaking his heart on a dime, leaving him with only forty-eight hours notice you were leaving, hiding what you have from him; you would not give yourself another chance if you were in his shoes, so why would he. Pushing those feelings aside, all you could think about was how he probably did exactly what you told him to. He found another girl, someone better, she was probably prettier than you, probably better at ice skating than you were, and probably was loved by him just as you once were. 

Tears slipped down your face without your knowledge, it was not until a soft hand was felt on your face, Karina wiping the stray tears away. “You still love him don’t you?” She softly questioned, being able to read you like a book. 

If it was not for your toddler playing away on the floor, you would have burst into tears, but you needed to remain strong for her, for your daughter. She did not need to see her mother like this, crying, especially crying over a man, especially when the man probably did not even love her anymore, especially when she knew the man did not love her any longer. It broke you to admit it, but you knew you would have to get over it some day, and the sooner the better. “I just, I don’t know what I’m feeling, like I shouldn’t, but I kinda do.” Was all that was said, before you decided to change the topic. “I just hope he doesn’t tell him,” you started, taking it back to the topic at hand, Jake, “What if he does? What if they find out about Sohee? I just, maybe I should just take another gap year.” You said, starting to ramble, and wondering why he was in a class for juniors anyways, since he should be a senior. 

“You could always tell him,” Karina started, before immediately deciding this was not the hill she would like to die on, “I’m sure he won’t, I mean, he might tell Sunghoon you are back around, but how would they find out about Sohee, no one knows except me, your mom, and you. I know he was close to your mom, but after you broke up, he stopped talking to her.” Karina moved, hugging you, rubbing your back, as she tried to sooth you. “Don’t take another gap year, just ignore him, what’s the worst thing that could happen, you have to do a class project with him? You do the project and go on with your day. You don’t have to talk to him about anything other than class work, you don’t have to befriend him or anything, and if he tries to start something, tell me and I’ll fight him.”

Karina always knew how to make you laugh, you only imagine her trying to fight the boy that had quite a bit of height on her, and knowing her, she would do it if you asked her to. “Professional. We have class together, it does not mean we need to be friends again or anything.” You mutter under your breath, nodding your head, before looking up at her. Deciding to finally return her hug, wrapping your arms around her, you squeezed her tightly before letting her go. “Thank you so much.” You mumbled against her shoulder.

After that day at Karina’s house, you decided to not let him bother you. The worst he could do is tell Sunghoon, then all you could do is ignore him, but it seems he did not tell him after all. The next day nothing happened, then the day after you had class with him again, but once again, nothing. You thought maybe he was no longer friends with him, but you also knew better than that. It just seems he had not told Sunghoon of your return, and for that you were thankful. 

Classes progressed as normal, until Friday, of course it was the end of the first week of classes, but it was not too early for a massive project, at least according to one of your professors. Most professors wait until you have had classes for a few weeks before throwing any big project on you, but not Mr. Yoon, he decided week one was the perfect week to start a project worth ten percent of your final grade. Luckily it was not due until week four, but still that left three weeks to get it done, or you would end up only being able to get a B in his class at best. 

Your group consisted of three people you only knew through your class, for which you were grateful, no one you knew from high school was in your group, which was wonderful. Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo were the people you had been assigned to. Staying for a bit after class, the four of you discussed when to meet up to work on it, and other miscellaneous things about your schooling. Jungwon was only a sophomore, but was allowed to take some advanced classes, something about him getting credits while in high school allowing him to be a bit advanced. Sakura was somewhat of a super junior, having changed her major three times, but she swore this time it would stick, no more changing for her, this was it. Sunoo was a junior like you were, oddly enough it seemed as though he already somewhat knew Jungwon, but you were not entirely sure. 

Leaving to return home to your daughter, your first thought was how oddly well the week went. You did not run into Sunghoon, you saw neither Jay nor Heeseung, two of his other friends, and Jake did not try to speak to you again after the first day, but also you sorta ran outta class everyday so he did not have the chance either. The thought that the semester might be great was the first thing you could think of, since the classes did not seem that bad, nor did your classmates. 

As you watched Sohee practically devour the food on her plate, your phone buzzed, the group chat that you had been added into for your group project. There was already a text from Jungwon asking when everyone wanted to meet, it was quickly decided that the four of you would meet up the next day at a cafe in town to work. Hopefully the coffee and pastries would help you get through the work quicker. As you four texted, you came up with a game plan of what to do. First, pick the topic of your research. Second, decide who was doing what. Third, create your presentation with your research.You laughed, reading as Sunoo replied to the three steps with a fourth. Fourth, turn in your amazing project and slay that grade. 

Looking up, you put your phone away, starting to clean up, before putting Sohee down. She had taken your starting school back a lot better than you expected. It was great that she was so adaptable, she had no problem staying with Karina or your mother as you worked and went to class. Gazing at her sleeping form, you decided you needed to take her out once you were a bit more stable in the school year, let her enjoy a trip to a fair or some sort of playplace, you knew she would enjoy that. 

Starting to prepare for bed yourself, you noticed your mother still was not home. It was odd, she had been so good about not working overtime. Shooting her a quick text message, you asked her ‘are you okay, working over time again, let me know when you get home’, not knowing whether she would see it or not. Finally settling down in bed, you fell asleep quickly, hoping that tomorrow would go as well as you hope it will.

Upon waking up, you saw a reply from your mother, but it did not say something you expected it to. Instead of her saying sorry she had to cover another shift, as she usually did, instead she explained she got recruited for a last minute business trip, she would be back in a week or so she claimed. Sighing, you realized you might have to cancel your group, your mom was usually off on Saturday’s, so you assumed she could watch Sohee. Karina worked on Saturday’s, so you knew you would be unable to get her to help you. 

It took you until you had finished fixing breakfast for Sohee and yourself to decide what you were going to do, instead of canceling, you sent a quick text to the group chat, ‘is it okay if I bring a guest? the sitter canceled and our backup isn’t available” Maybe it was wrong of you to not explicitly say it was your child, but honestly it was not anyone’s business whether this child was yours or not, for all they know it could be your sibling or just a friend’s child. Luckily they all quickly agreed, and after breakfast you spent the rest of the morning getting the two of you ready for working on your project. 

Packing your own bag, making sure you had your laptop and books, led to Sohee wanting her own bag to take. As you placed a small children’s book, your tablet, some headphones, and a small toy into the bag, she grabbed a random stuffed rabbit. Looking at the rabbit, you were confused as to where she had gotten it, staring at the flopping ears of the toy, it hit you. It was something Sunghoon had given you, the grey soft toy sent your mind into a trip down memory lane. It was what made your feelings towards him start to change in the first place. That first day spending time together, the two of you decided to visit the carnival that was in town, trying to become at least friendly. You played a game, trying to win the stuffed toy yourself, however you failed repeatedly. Unbeknownst to you, he had watched you fail over and over again, deciding to try his own luck once you moved onto another game. He won the game with ease, the grey rabbit being the prize he saw you eyeing before, and he quickly chose it as his prize. Giving it to you at the end of the night, claiming he won it and did not want it, he only admitted that he won it for you after you started dating, claiming he saw how much you sucked at the games and wanted to help you. How Sohee had found it, you were unsure, but upon seeing the purple box sitting on the floor of the closet, the blankets it was sitting on top of were gone, you knew your mother had placed it down there, probably giving Sohee the toy without a second thought. 

Watching as she hugged the rabbit tight, the small child nuzzling her face into the long ears of the rabbit, it reminded you of how you slept with it on your bed at night, how Sunghoon had sprayed it with his cologne, claiming he did it so it would smell like him. Hearing the soft murmurs of Sohee as she talked softly to her toy, you did not have the heart to take it from her, instead letting her enjoy the rabbit, thinking maybe one day you would tell her the toy was from her father. 

Glancing at your clock, you realized you needed to get going if you wanted to get to the cafe in time. Sohee was ready, just waiting for her backup, so quickly placing it on her, you grabbed your own, and the two of you started your walk to the cafe. The cafe was luckily just around the corner from your own house, so it took not even ten minutes of walking to get there, and you were hoping that the walking would sort of tire the toddler out so she would not be a distraction while you were working with your project group.

Upon entering the cafe, you were happy to see no one else there, being the first to arrive meant you were not late, and also that you were allowed to select a table away from all the others currently occupying the cafe. Taking the only table that would seat all five of you, you placed Sohee on a seat in the corner, getting her situated before looking at the menu. The only thought on your daughter's mind was the sweets however, her mumblings about the cookies and cupcakes. Letting her decide what she wanted, you quickly picked her up, going over to the counter, ordering yourself a coffee while getting her one of the large cookies she was staring at. 

Sitting back down, you hoped that it would keep her busy, so you could work. You started to get your books out, along with other things that were needed as you waited. Sakura was the first to arrive, quickly noticing you alongside the small child who would have been absolutely devouring her massive cookie had she not been in public. Sohee sat quietly, watching with her large brown eyes as Sakura sat on the other side of her, and started to fawn over her. A soft laugh left your lips, quickly telling Sakura her name, before you say the third member of your group enter, Jungwon. Not even a minute later, Sunoo arrived, in the middle of the other two members of your group talking and commenting on how adorable the small little girl sitting next to you was. 

Once you were all there, you started to get to work, the others pulling out their notebooks and all, while they started to order their own coffee, in preparation to get this work started. “We need to pick our topic first.” Jungwon announced, as he sipped his own drink, pausing for a second before he seemed to remember something. “Mr. Yoon gave me a list of topics, I know I have it here somewhere.” He commented, starting to search through his folder, you were lucky he seemed to take the position of leader of the group, seeming to fit into the role so naturally, there was no need to try to change who was leading the discussion. Jungwon easily took charge of the group, starting to outline everything that was needed for the assignment. 

As you all read the list of topics, you quickly decided upon one, granted after a few complaints from Sakura about how each topic was a psychology topic, like she forgot this was a psychology class. The three of you started to outline who would research what, compiling a list of what each of you would be doing. Getting everything set up on your laptop, you have a document and powerpoint prepared with each of them added, so they can do their own parts as they complete their work. Despite how you were all working fluidly and quickly together, quite a bit of time passed. By the time you realized it was a few hours later, sweet little Sohee had curled herself up in her seat, softly sleeping while clutching her stuffed toy. 

If you were not so caught up in working, you would have noticed the odd looks Sunoo was casting towards the small child ever so often. Sunoo did not attend the high school you did, so you did not know him, but he knew of you. It was his first year of university when he met Sunghoon, Jay, Jake, and Heeseung. Seeing how this happened after you left Korea, you had no idea who he was friends with, who he was closest with. 

Sunoo would not admit it, but something felt odd, the small child that accompanied you reminded him of someone, but who he could not place. He did not know anything about you other than what he had been told, the stories of you breaking Sunghoon’s heart like it was nothing, and then running away. The child felt familiar, like someone he had seen before, but he could not remember how or where he would have seen them. He was not often surrounded by children, just ignoring his thoughts, he passed it off as someone he must have seen on streets one day, but the thought would remain even after he tried to move his thoughts on. Where had he seen this child before, who was it the child reminded him of, and why. 

Working on the project was much easier than you had thought, luckily you were with three people that actually cared about their grades, they all pulling their own weight with the work, and wanting a good grade. As the sun started to set, you all realized you should probably stop here for now, having worked for quite a few hours together. You could continue your research and all at home, and hopefully get everything done before your due date, that way you would have less stress regarding the project. 

The four of you all decided to end it there, starting to pack up and leave. As the four of you started to exit, carrying a tired Sohee on your hip, you had started to walk back towards your house when Sunoo stopped you. “Did you not drive here?” He asked, watching as you were looking back down the sidewalk, the way you walked here. 

Nodding your head, you looked at him, “I only live about ten minutes away that way, we just walked.” Telling him that, you started to realize just how dark it was getting, maybe you should have driven here. You did not plan for the four of you to do so much work today, let alone stay so late. Despite the darkness, you still needed to get home, and while there were only sparse lamps, you were sure you could make it home completely fine.

Sunoo shook his head at your reply, it was far too dark for you to be walking home at this time, let alone with a child to care for. “Let me drive you home, it’s too late for you to walk home, especially with a child.” He said. Despite the fact Jay, Jake, and Heeseung had warned him to stay away from you, especially after what you did to Sunghoon, and how he felt the uncanny feeling that he had seen your child before, he was not going to let you walk alone in the dark by yourself. “I’m going that way anyways, I can just drop you off on the way. I don’t have a car seat, but I think it’s probably safer than walking home with her.” He added.

As much as you hated to admit it, it was true, the sun had set a lot faster than expected too, what was sparse daylight, now only five minutes later was nothing but moonlight. Nodding your head, you agreed with him, despite the fact that you did not know him very well, just from his looks and what you knew of him, you knew that the two of you would be safer riding with him than walking. “Thank you.” You said, agreeing, and walking alongside him to his car, loading Sohee into it, before getting into it yourself. The car ride was silent, you simply pointing out which house was yours, and him stopping there. “Thank you, have a good night.” You told him as you exited his car, taking Sohee with you as you walked towards your house, entering it, and going to your bedroom. After the eventful day the two of you had, it took only moments for both of you to be asleep. Sohee was already asleep before reaching home, but you fell asleep with ease. 

The next week went by with ease, work was not too difficult, you finished your part of your group project, and luckily to your surprise, Jake did not try to talk to you, even when you had to stay after class a bit late. Before you knew it, it was Saturday, and you decided to have a girls day. Inviting Karina to join you and Sohee at the cafe, earlier in the morning this time, that way you would not have to risk walking in the dark again. 

The three of you sat in the cafe, enjoying pastries and coffee. It was no surprise that little Sohee was going absolutely feral on the cake pop she had been given, what was once an orange fox was now nothing more than a pile of chocolate cake and orange color chocolate on a napkin, most the orange chocolate coloring the child’s face. Karina and you finished your own food before deciding it was time to clean the messy toddler, while she had done a good job of removing the chocolate from her face with napkins, there was still a little bit of orange residue left. Karina offered to take her, as you started to clear the table and get ready to leave. The two of you had told the child you would take her to the park, a reward for her wonderful behavior this prior week.

Watching as Karina took Sohee to the restroom to clean up, you started to get your things together, getting ready to leave. Had you been observing your surroundings, you would have seen a figure you wished to avoid. It was not until he sat at your table that you noticed him, Park Jongseong, also known as Jay. Looking up at him, you could not fathom why he would have made his way over to your table, you were not close with him in high school, and you sure were not close with him now. If you had the time to think, you would have quickly excused yourself, leaving him at the table alone. However, instead there you sat frozen, shocked that one of Sunghoon’s friends seemed to have the gall to actually talk to you, especially after how you left.

Jay had seen you long before you saw him, working in the cafe to gain some job experience, he just happened to be on shift when you entered with Karina. He was honestly glad he was in the back when you entered, since had you seen him, you probably would have left. He was surprised to see you, he heard the claims you were back, Jake saying you were in class and Sunoo being in your assigned project group for another class, but he did not believe it until he had seen you with his own eyes. 

What he did not expect to see with you was a small child. A small child that looked like someone had taken a childhood photo of Sunghoon, photoshopped a wig on it, and made the cheeks chubbier. Anyone that knew Sunghoon and his sister would probably mistake the small child for a third sibling, a much younger sibling, but nonetheless, the resemblance was uncanny. As he continued to clean, something hit him, you were gone for three years, you left abruptly, and now here you sit with a child that is probably close to three years old. The thought passed through his mind, and he tried to ignore it, it just could not be true, it could not. You would not have left Sunghoon like that, the two of you were in love, he would have stood alongside you, supported you through it all. 

A moral dilemma ran through his mind as he watched Karina, Sohee, and you. As Karina took Sohee to wash up, he finally decided to confront you on his suspicions. He sat across from you, and luckily he did not waste any time getting right to what he was wanting to say. “She’s Sunghoon’s isn’t she?” 

Looking at the man in front of you, you started to shake your head, wanting to deny it. You were terrified he would tell Sunghoon. The fear of everything you built crashing down loomed in your mind. You had spent years raising her on your own, she was yours, you did it to protect him, you did it for him. He could not have achieved his goals if he had a child and girlfriend at home, he would have had to pick, and you would not allow him to make that choice. He was probably training happily somewhere, his new girl by his side, he had to be happier than he was with you, he just had to be. 

Jay could tell you were shocked, of course you were, you had hidden this from everyone for what three years. He could only assume the only ones that knew the truth were Karina and your mother, two people that would never betray you. As he watched you struggle, one thought came to his mind, “Don’t lie. She looks identical to him, anyone would be able to tell.” was all that came out of his mouth.

At his words, you slowly nodded, feeling like you were back up against a wall, nowhere to go. You could deny it, but like Jay said, she was a carbon copy of him with long hair. It was like you had hit copy, paste, and print, with how much she looked like her father. A sigh left your lips, “She is,” was all you could say. The thoughts going through your head were unstoppable, moving at breakneck speed, thought after thought, panic set in. “Please don’t tell him. Act like you never saw us. He doesn’t need to know.” You started to plead to the man across from you, your words all jumbled together. At this point, the only thought on your mind was Sunghoon finding out and taking you from her, you could not lose her.

Shock was clear on Jay’s face as he heard you start to plead, a fear in your voice confused him, why would you fear Sunghoon finding out. He was the father after all, he deserved to know about his child, even if it was about two years too late for him to be finding out about himself having a child. Oddly, the fear in your voice stopped some of his thoughts, he was thinking of how to tell Sunghoon, how to break it to him why you left, but those thoughts stopped, since you should be the one to tell him. “I won’t,” he finally started, “but you need to tell him. This is obviously why you left to start with, and I think he deserves that closure. And if you don’t tell him, someone else will. You can’t deny how much she looks like him, someone will put the pieces together and tell him, if you don’t first.” 

Nodding your head, you watched as Jay’s face changed. He went from defensive, to softening, the boy you knew in high school appearing once again in front of you. “I know,” you knew you needed to tell him, but how was the question. “I just, I just don’t know how.” You softly muttered. You knew he deserved to know about Sohee, but how could you tell him, how would he react, and so many other thoughts plagued your mind. 

Jay nodded, seeing the panic in your eyes, the fear causing your voice to turn soft. He saw the person he knew in high school once more, the selfless person who would give anything for their friends, the person who always wanted the best for everyone. Grabbing a pen from his pocket, he quickly scribbled his number onto the receipt that sat on your table. Part of him was telling him not to, but the other part of him won, the part that wanted to help you, wanted to help Sunghoon, wanting his friend group to be whole again. “I need to get back to work, but you can always text me if you need to.” He told you, the familiar smile gracing his face, before he returned to work.

It was odd, you expected him to threaten to expose you, or tell you to stay away from Sunghoon, but instead he was willing to help you. Watching as he walked back behind the counter, you decided he was only willing to help you since he wanted you to tell Sunghoon about the child. As Karina sat back down at the table, you knew Jay was right, either you needed to tell him, or someone else would.

Despite how badly you did not want to tell Sunghoon, you knew that you needed to, either he would find out through you, or through someone else. You had kept this hidden from him for almost three years, but that was easy, you were living abroad, no one knew you, no one knew him, there was no one that could tell on you. Here, it was a risk, never knowing when you were going to run into an old classmate or one of his friends. 

Shoving his number into your bag, you finished putting all of your things into your backpack. Picking up Sohee, you watched as Karina grabbed her keys, getting ready to leave. As the three of you reached the door, you gave one quick glance towards Jay, before finally exiting the cafe. Buckling Sohee into her carseat, you decided to put that number to use later tonight, see what everyone has been up to since you left. While that probably is not the reason he gave you his number, you just felt as though you were not ready to approach the topic of how to tell Sunghoon yet. 

Arriving back at your house, you allowed Sohee to play by herself as you started to clean in the kitchen. Only minutes after leaving Sohee to play with Karina, Karina joined you in the kitchen. “What did Jongseong want?” she asked, getting quickly to the point.

You had hoped she did not see that Jay had been at your table, that she did not see him, or that she thought he was maybe just doing his job. With a sigh, you rested on the counter, staring at Karina, not knowing what to say. You could tell her the truth, or you could lie, and at the moment a lie seemed better than the truth. But as you thought of his words, a sob racked your body, looking at the counter, you had to will yourself to not cry at this moment. “He knows.” was all you said, the words being all that needed to be said. 

A gasp was heard from Karina, she was shocked, confused, and just astounded. “What! How?” She knew that no one knew about Sohee, and her first thought was that he had realized Sohee was your daughter, but unbeknownst to her, the truth was much worse. “Just because you had Sohee with you today doesn’t mean she’s your child, you could have said you were babysitting or something.” Karina started, thinking up lie after lie that you could have used to explain the child.

Shaking your head, it took everything to not slam your head against the counter, but you knew that would not help this problem, it would only bring you pain. Which, honestly at this point, you were in enough pain without having to add physical pain to that mix. “Karina, he knows she’s his.” You told her, watching as the look of realization shifted on her face, as what you said finally hit Karina full force. “She looks so much like him, I couldn’t lie my way out of that, what would I say? The only other person that someone could mistake her for would be Sunghoon’s own father, you and I both know good and well there would be no reason in hell why I’d have Sunghoon’s little sibling, and Jay being his best friend he’d know if Sunghoon had another sister.” 

Taking a deep breath, it helped to bring a calming effect over you. Not wanting to possibly alarm your daughter in the next room, you calmed yourself down, so as to not scream or yell. “He said he wouldn’t tell him,” you started, seeing Karina’s look shift from anger to confusion, why would Jay help you, why would he care. “I just don’t know what to do. He put forth a really good case for telling him, but I just, I can’t lose her too.” The anger you held had shifted into sadness, the biggest reason why you did not want him to know, made itself known. As tears started to fall down your cheeks, you started to softly sob. 

Everything you loved and treasured was lost when you saw that little pink plus sign on that test; your love of skating, your Olympic dreams, your future plans, and most of all, him. Sohee was all you had left of him, and if he took her, you would have nothing. While nothing in your life showed any evidence that given the opportunity he would take your daughter from you. But it did not keep your mind from creating outlandish scenarios. What if you told him, just for him to immediately file for custody, and be giving your daughter. What if you told him and he took her, so he could raise her with someone way better that he loves more than he ever loved you. What if you told him, and he just took her purely to hurt you like you hurt him. There were so many what ifs, that made you want to keep her existence all to yourself. But, at the same time, the ideas of what if someone else told him plagued your mind as well. What if someone else tells him and he takes her anyways. Either way, you saw no win in telling him or letting someone else tell him. But, you knew deep in your mind that he had to find out from you, not another.

Seeing you sobbing, Karina moved from where she stood, wrapping her arms around you. You cried into her shoulder, you were unsure of how long you cried, but you stopped as you heard soft footsteps wobbling into the kitchen. Karina separated from you, allowing you to take a moment to compose yourself, as she took Sohee back into the living room. At that moment, you decided you would textJay tonight once Karina leaves, you were not going to discuss what he probably wants to, but instead just to see how everyone you left was doing now.

The cleaning was finished, Karina had left hours ago, Sohee had eaten and bathed, and was now sleeping. It was only then you dug the number out of your bag, sending a quick text to the number, saying who it was. Jay was quick to respond with a confirmation that you had the right number. Staring at the phone, you wondered if you should even do this, maybe it would be best to block the number, delete it from your phone, and act like you never messaged him. But, you knew this would have to come sooner or later, and while you had the courage to do it, you would.

‘How has everyone been since I moved’, was all you messaged him, knowing that what was to come would break you, it would probably hurt you worse than it did all those years ago. ‘Heeseung graduated college and he works at the office downtown’, Jay responded to start with. Heeseung was someone you were not that close with, but you knew him, through Sunghoon of course. ‘What about the rest of you? In your senior years right?’ you replied back to him. He quickly replied notifying you they were ‘juniors actually’, which explained why Jake was in your class, but you were confused, they started college the year you left, they should be seniors, sending him a message back all you asked was ‘why’. For a moment you thought maybe Jay decided not to talk to you after all, since he did not reply, it was almost five minutes later when he replied. ‘I think the reason why would be a better conversation to have in person’, unsure how to respond to him, you just changed the conversation. Jay told you about his job, about Jake’s dog, and about what had happened to the three of them the past years, but not a word was said about Sunghoon. 

Texting with Jay only lasted for a few hours, you learned about what had been going on since you left. He told you of your former classmates who moved, former couples that broke up, classmates who got together, and who stayed around. Working at the cafe gave him an easy way to see all the drama and gossip, so if anything happened around, he knew it. Thanking him, you decided to end the conversation, saying you needed sleep to be ready to handle Sohee in the morning, and that maybe you could meet up, so he could tell you those things he did not want to over a text. At that response, all he replied with was ‘her name is Sohee’, and with that you fell asleep.

The next day happened like you had never met Jay the day prior, there was no barrage of text on your phone from Sunghoon or anyone else. It was obvious he was a man of his word, for at least this moment he was, and you could only hope he stayed that way. There was never a friendship between Jay and yourself, it was always a friend of your boyfriend type of relationship, since that is all he was to you. But, you just hoped he had enough morals to keep his word and not tell Sunghoon. 

As you rose from bed, Sohee was already up, the familiar grey bunny in her hands, playing with it silently, along with her other toys. The child was oddly up a bit too early for your liking, but you knew there was no use in getting her back in bed, instead choosing to just rise, and prepare for the day. Cooking breakfast for the child, part of your mind started to say it would be best to get the talk over with now, text Jay and find out why they were a grade behind. Within the confines of your mind, there was not an idea as to why they would have taken a gap year, and even if the Olympics were in Sunghoon’s cards, why would Jake and Jay have taken a gap year as well. 

Sohee quickly ate her food, wanting nothing more than to go back to playing, while you decided today is not the day. The conversation will be there another day, and today is not that day. This day would be a simple and easy day for yourself and your daughter, you felt it was needed. No stress, no drama, no work, no constantly being on the go. Just a simple day to bake together and watch her favorite movies, Sohee wanting nothing more than to watch Frozen and sing like Elsa, as any child her age would. 

That was exactly what your day was as well. No guests, no stress, and no drama. Just spending time with your daughter, having fun enjoying your time together. As you cleaned the flour off of the counter, the calling card of a child who had a little too much fun with the measuring cup, Sohee ran around your feet. “Do you wanna build a snowman,” She sung-screamed at the top of her lungs, the excitement the child held since you mentioned Elsa was insurmountable. 

“How about you get your princess dress?” You questioned the child, almost tripping over her, as you went to finish the last of the dishes as the treats the two of you baked continued to cool. A squeal was immediately heard, then only the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs. As you finished cleaning the kitchen, Sohee ran back into the kitchen, dressed in her Elsa dress with her long blonde wig, items that Karina insisted she needed after seeing the child’s reaction to the movie. Sohee was quick to attempt to help you, wanting to carry the plate and cups, but her little arms left her unable to reach them from where she stood. “Here, put that on the table in the living room okay,” you offered her the plastic plate, knowing the worst that could happen would be her cookies ending up on the floor. Watching as she wobbled off, you followed suit, drinks in hand, ready to watch both Frozen movies, and probably another Disney movie of the child’s choice, before it would be her bedtime. This was exactly what you did as well, Sohee proudly made it through both Frozen movies, but only halfway through Encanto before she was asleep on the sofa, marking the end to a perfect day. 

The next weeks were doldrum, classes passed as planned, and everything was as it should be. Within the space of your head, you had honestly forgotten about your conversation with Jay days ago. Things were going well, honestly, too well for your liking, but you were not one to question joy or when things passed with ease. But, all that changed during your last class on Friday. The concept of group projects should have dawned on you, but you had a secret hope that if there was one, you would select your own groups. However, of course, you were unable to select your own groups, and instead were assigned pairs. It took all the willpower within your brain to not sigh as the instructor called your name along with Jake’s. It was just your luck, out of everyone in the class, you were paired with the one singular person you would rather avoid.

It was nearing the end of the semester, you had been lucky to avoid having to deal with Jake at any point, but of course your luck had run out. Being paired with him to do the final project. Had it not been for the giant portion of your grade this project was worth, you would have contemplated just taking the zero. But with the project being worth thirty percent of your final grade, you knew that was not an option. You stayed after class, hoping that the project would go smoothly, the last thing you needed was any more problems than you already had. 

Seeing the bitter look on Jake’s face as he turned to face you, the idea of dropping this class four months ago popped back up, you had missed your chance, and if you had only taken it, this would not be happening. Getting up, you decided to make your way to him, seeing how the class was empty by this point, and it did not seem like he was going to make any effort. “Give me your number and I’ll text you so we can plan what to do.” You said, offering him your notebook, on an open page. 

He took it, and wrote his number, his facial expression changing none as he did so. It seemed like he was planning what to say, but you did not give him any chance, taking the notebook and running out the classroom before he could stop you. The project would be completed, you would remain professional, the class would be completed, and then you would never have to be around him again.

Wasting no time, as you made it home, after picking up Sohee from Karina’s, the text was sent. ‘When should we meet up to discuss the project?’, and luckily he replied quickly, ‘next monday after class’. And with that, the date was set, you were lucky it was a day that Karina would have Sohee. You trusted Jay, he knew for three months at this point, and had not told Sunghoon a thing, but Jake, you knew if he knew then Sunghoon would know within minutes. Jake was always much closer to Sunghoon than Jay was, they were each other's yes men, and secrets were never secrets long around one another.

As the weekend came and went, before you knew it, you were in your last class of the day, just waiting to start on the project with Jake. Entering the study room you had reserved and given Jake the directions to, you started to get your things out, prepare to get this over with. However, it seems the universe had other plans. “Surprised you came,” Jake said shortly, almost like he was trying to provoke you, however, all that happened was you ignoring his comment, unable to play the game he was so desiring.

Placing all your things on the table, you opened your laptop. “Let’s just get this work done,” you said, as you started to pull the textbooks and other various resources you had been given throughout the semester out. Despite the uncomfortable air, you just wanted to get your work done with, yet, as Jake scoffed, it seemed as though that might be impossible.

To your surprise, the two of you work together without much argument. Getting everything sorted out, who will do what, and what you are specifically doing. There were snarky comments thrown in throughout, mostly from his side, but you ignored them, trying to be the bigger person. It was working too, until Jake received a call, announcing he needed to leave. As you were packing up, he could not stop himself from trying to anger you once more.

“Sunghoon wants someone that actually cares for him to hangout with. Unlike you, some of us had to pick up the pieces and help him during the hardest time of his life.” Jake said, collecting all of his items from the table, packing them up. “But, you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, instead running out and leaving all the pieces. Disappearing when he needed you most. Running away and leaving him at the lowest point he has ever been.” With that, he left the room, leaving you in silence.  

Not a word slipped through the awestruck lips of yours, a breakup is bad, but you were sure it could not have been that bad. The worst time of his life, Jake to be exaggerating, there is no way things were that bad for him. Yet, as you eventually gathered your thoughts, thanks to the group that needed the room after you had knocked at the door, it was time you decided that conversation with Jay needed to happen. Leaving the room, you sent him a text, simply asking him ‘are you available tomorrow I think we need to talk’, with that text you could only assume he knew what you meant by talk, since all he replied was ‘when and where’.

Meeting up with Jay the next morning, the park was empty, given it was a school day so kids were in classes, and most people would not enjoy the park’s ambiance until the afternoon, it left it a great place to talk. Seated, you watched Sohee playing around on the playground equipment, distracting you as you waited for Jay to make his appearance. How long Jay was there, you were unsure of, instead all your thoughts were on your daughter, watching as she attempted to climb up a slide, having the time of her life playing on the playground alone. 

“She really does look just like him, doesn’t she.” Jay commented, finally sitting down next to you. If you could read his mind, you would know he was confused when you texted him, he thought that you had given up on finding out what happened that year you were gone. But, he was secretly happy you wanted to find out. He knew Sunghoon had not been the same since you left, despite all their attempts, he refused to move on, claiming you were his other half and without you he was not whole. It was a love Jay could admire, despite how foolish it seemed during the time he thought you left him for no reason, he must admit, he could even tell you still felt for your once lover. Jake would have banished Jay from the group chat if he knew what he was thinking, but seeing how the two of you were, he had hope that one day you may potentially be reunited. 

The sudden interruption from the welcome silence by Jay’s voice made you jump for a moment, before calming down enough to nod your head. “She really does, doesn't she? Ten months and she comes out looking nothing like me.” The comment slipped past your lips, but you knew it was not what you were here to discuss with him. “What happened that year?” You asked, voice soft, like it was something you should not be asking. Part of you did not want the answer, the way Jake reacted told you it was bad, but how bad was the real question.

A sign left Jay’s mouth, he rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair. “We took a gap year,” he initially said, almost unsure of how to explain what happened during that time, but he decided no matter how he explained it, so he instead just started with the reason why. “Sunghoon, he threw himself into skating when you left. He would enter the ice rink with the key he had and stay way past closing. There would be days he would spend eighteen hours skating and the other six was everything else. I guess trying to keep himself from feeling the pain, but he pushed himself too hard. He somehow managed to fall and hit the wall of the rink, somehow he was going so fast and fell at such a bad angle, he shattered his leg. It was about a month after you left, Jake and Heeseung and I were hanging out, his mom called us in tears from the hospital.” 

With a pause, you found yourself shocked, hearing what had happened, you knew that Jay had only started the story. Shifting your eyes between him and your daughter, you tried to keep up with what was coming out of his mouth, knowing that sadly the root of all of this was you. Despite promising to love him forever and be there for him, claiming to love and support him, you had done the worst thing of all, hurt him. 

“He was out for six months, not long in the scheme of things, but long enough for them to say he had no chance of the Olympics. But then they gave him the worst news of all, the way his leg was, he would probably never competitively skate again. We all took a gap year except for Heeseung. Jake and I were the only reasons Sunghoon kept going some days.” Jay told you, shifting his gaze from the ground to you. “I can’t tell you how many times he had called you, but you had his number blocked. How many times he cried out for you, he even called your mom at some points, but she even claimed you changed your number and she did not have it. At some point, it just all stopped, the crying, the pain, like he was numb. It was like he had given up, telling us to leave him and let him suffer alone. Jake and I, it took months to get him to just wake up in the morning before four in the afternoon. We had to enroll him into university without his knowledge or he probably wouldn’t have ever started.”

Listening to him, you nodded your head, but only one train of thought was on your mind at this point, “What about now? How is he now? Is he doing better?” The only thoughts that could plague your mind were involving him, how was he now, how is he today, is he doing better, did he finally move on, was he still in love with you like you were with him.

A sigh left Jay’s mouth of your question, as he stared at you, it was like he was reading right through you, like anything you had hidden he now knew and knew the answer to. “He couldn’t compete again, but instead of competing, he teaches, he helps them teach the children at the rink. He is doing what I think is the best he can do. He’s trying.” Jay said, glancing at his watch, seeing the time. Standing up, “I need to go, work. But I really think you need to talk with him.” At that, he started to walk away, saying one last thing under his breath, “I also still think he’s in love with you, since despite all these years he refuses to move on.”

Staring at Sohee as Jay walked off, you felt this tinge in your heart. You had caused him such pain, in your desire to not keep him from his dreams, you instead robbed him of his dreams. Sitting alone in the park, the tears started to fall, despite how badly you did not want them to. Not only had you taken his dream from him, but he was still in love with you, or at least Jay felt so, but you think he probably hoped you did not hear his last comment. It took you a few minutes to compost yourself, the tears drying as you heard Sohee make her way over to you. The child climbed onto the bench beside you, laying against your arm, and at the sight of her trying to nap, tired from all her playing, only one thought stayed in your head. At this moment he might still love you, but would he still love you after you reveal to him the reason you left three years ago, and introduce him to his daughter.

Getting back home from the park, you texted Jake to schedule a time to work on the project, you understood his hostility towards you now, but you still needed to do this work. Then, a text was sent to Karina, telling her everything you had learned, even though she herself did not know any of it, probably because they knew she would have told you had she known. Throughout the day, Jay’s words stuck in your head, how badly you hurt him, maybe leaving was a mistake, but at the time, you thought it was for the best. Yet, it seems maybe the best would have to do like Karina suggested all those years ago, be truthful and tell him everything. But, you could not take that back now, all you could do was think of what you might do in the future, and how you might tell him. 

The next day, you decided to work with Jake once again, hoping maybe things could go smoother this time, but you knew that was a lousy thought. Jake would probably try to provoke you once more, and blame you, and honestly, it was your fault, and you could not blame him for how he felt. Setting up the room once more as you waited for him, the idea of how to approach him on this topic was all you could think of. How do you start a conversation of why you left and broke his best friend's heart and caused him to break his leg and ruin his dreams? You can not just come out and say you left since you were pregnant, since Sunghoon would know within minutes of Jake knowing, and what could you say, sorry for leaving Sunghoon a mess but I was also a mess and thought leaving would help make him keep from being a mess. The thoughts however ended as Jake entered the room, the energy the same as it was two days prior.

Jake was not secretive with his dislike towards you, from the moment he entered the room, you could tell he was not happy to be around you, just as he was the day before. But you tried to work together, you attempted to get some of this work done. While attempting to wrap up what you were doing, so the two of you could leave, you decided to finally talk about the topic at hand. “I’m sorry for what happened.” You said, words failing you in that moment, still unsure of what to say.

A scoff was heard from the man in the room, he could not believe what he was hearing, “Sorry for what exactly? Breaking my best friend’s heart. Causing him to break his leg. Causing him to lose the only dream he’s ever had. Not being there when he needed you the most. Blocking his number and leaving him lost and confused as to what to do. Causing him to lose all will to live and enter a state that I only hope no one else ever has to experience a loved one in. You’re sorry for what exactly? You need to be a bit more clear, since there are a hell of a lot of things you’ve done to that man to be sorry for.” Jake started to rant, maybe it was how you just showed up three years later like nothing happened, or maybe it was the fact that you did not try to even take accountability for your actions, but he started to yell as he stood. “You have some fucking nerve showing up here after all this time like nothing has happened. You left him when he needed you most, you failed him, and you just showed back up like it was nothing to you. Did you just expect us to be happy to see you? Welcome you with open arms after spending the last three years trying to patch Sunghoon back together?”

At that, Jake took a breath, standing up, grabbing his backpack preparing to leave. “And you know what the worst fucking thing of all is. Three years we’ve spent helping him, making sure he is okay, and helping him through everything. Even after all those years, I think he still fucking loves you for some damn reason.We picked up the pieces and rebuilt him after you left him broken, and even now he refuses to try to move on, you really fucked him over.” Saying that, he started to walk towards the door, but not before stopping by where you stood on the way. Staring at you with such an angered look, you wanted to cower and hide, but you were instead frozen. “But, you better stay away from him, the last thing he needs in his life at this point is to know you are back around. He is getting better and starting to move on, the last thing he needs in his life right now is you.” With that, he hit your shoulder with his own, before exiting the door.

As the door closed behind him, you felt a wave of emotion, falling into the chair behind you. You started to cry, feeling even worse than you did yesterday when Jay told you what happened. All the feelings hit you at once, like a freight train, all the repressed emotions from the prior 3 years, taking over your heart, and you just felt everything. Time passed, you were unsure of how long you were crying, but a voice outside the door caught your attention. “Listen, someone else is crying about finals, I’m not the only one going through it,” An unknown male voice said, as two sets of footprints were heard passing the door, this resulted in knocking you from your thoughts. This was the time you decided to pack up and leave, going to collect Sohee from Karina, before ending up back home to no doubt cry even more.

After that encounter with Jake, you decided no longer would you work on the project with him in person. Instead, you resorted to emails and text only, this caused him to respond snarkily to you, but you honestly could care less, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time. The way Jake so easily tore you to pieces left you terrified, maybe he was right, you do not deserve to have Sunghoon in your life any longer, and you were foolish for the small part of your brain thinking you could come back and patch things up like nothing happened, since it was something, and that something was something that you had caused. 

After the confrontation with Jake, your life resorted to three things only, work, Sohee, and class. You found yourself not going out except for those three reasons, no longer were you feeling joy from how easily everything was being managed, no longer were you feeling confident of your decision to come back. Jake’s words hurt you more than he would ever know, he knew nothing about why you left, he knew absolutely nothing that was going on in your life, but his words cut you to the bone. Leaving for Sunghoon’s sake seemed to do everything you left to avoid. Rather than allowing him to easily achieve his dream without the thoughts of a child dragging him down, he found himself being unable to reach his goals. What was once both your dreams, was now nothing more than that, a dream neither of you were able to achieve. 

Luckily throughout your classes you were lucky to have formed a few new friends, the partners from your first group project quickly becoming actual friends. No longer did you only have Karina to rely on, but instead you had Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo; you even had Jay to an extent, despite the fact you were sure Jake knew nothing of the friendship forming between his worst enemy and two of his best friends. Had Jake known of the friendship between yourself, Jay, and Sunoo; you were sure he would have already tried to fight you, or Sunghoon would have already made himself known at this point. 

As the semester came to a close, you had luckily avoided seeing Sunghoon even once. While your luck was not great with Jake, it was with avoiding Sunghoon that your luck was wonderful, having not seen him even once. With that, you felt he probably did not even know you were in town, since it was not like Jake or Jay would tell him. After your final test, you were happy to know that for the next month and half it would just be Karina, yourself, Sohee, and Sakura. Almost two months of nothing but fun and joy before your university classes would start once more. 

The first Monday after classes ended your living room had four people sitting within it; Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself. On the television Karina was playing a compilation video of the time you spent as a competitive skater, a video she for some reason had decided to put together with the idea of showing lovely little Sohee how talented her mother was once before. Sakura was even captivated watching the little you on the screen, how easily you flew around the rink, the ease at which you were doing axles and other tricks fascinated both Sohee and Sakura. Neither knew you were a professional figure skater, and it was obvious in their reactions that it was a shock. 

As the video continued, it shifted from videos of you skating solo as a child, to your solo programs as a teen; before it finally reached them, the videos of Sunghoon and you skating as a pair. Karina was quick to end the video, forgetting that she had included those scenes when she created the video all those years ago. Luckily Sohee had not caught sight of the man in the video, instead she was walking over to where you stood, enamored by what she had seen. “Mommy skate,” Sohee said, her little chubby finger pointing towards the television. With a nod, you picked her up, as she continued her train of thought. “Mommy take me skating?” The request was simple, and despite how long it has been since you were on the ice, you found yourself unable to deny your child her wish. Quickly the three of you agreed to go skating, allowing Sohee to experience her first time on the ice.

As Karina ran upstairs with Sohee to dress her into something warmer, Sakura joined you in the kitchen. She had seen the face of the man in the video, and she knew it had to be the father of Sohee, they looked too alike to deny it. “I’m guessing that was her father?” She was quick to ask, her arm finding it way around your shoulder, being a comforting presence. With a simple nod, Sakura had pulled you closer, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. “If it brings any comfort, I could tell through the video just how in love you two once were. If you can tell the chemistry through the grainy camera screen, I could only imagine how bad you two were when together.” She said, followed by a fake vomiting sound, it made you laugh, a feeling of joy associated with the one who still to this day owns your heart. It had been long since his mention brought you joy, but here Sakura was the one that was able to make you look back fondly on those days, how you would disgust all your friends with your public displays of affection, then tease them that they were just jealous they were single. 

The thoughts however ended as quickly as they started, as the pitter patter of small feet made their way down the stairs. “Ready.” Sohee yelled, once she found herself in the living room, starting to rush Sakura and yourself to your feet, as Karina was still running down the stairs to her. The mention of ice skating set a fire in the small girl, watching her excitement, you saw yourself, how excited you were when your father mentioned ice skating to you when you were the age Sohee is now. Honestly, you wished your parents were both here to witness this, your father would have loved having passed down his love of skating to his granddaughter, and your mother would have been filming Sohee’s first skate. Exiting the door with the girls in tow, you thought about your mother as you buckled Sohee into the carseat in your mother’s car. It had been about four months now since she left for a business trip, a week she claimed, but that business trip ended up in your mother being fully transferred to the location and being given a promotion. Despite how happy you were for her, finally getting the management position she had been aiming for with all her years of service to the company, you were hoping to be able to spend time with her at home, yet who were you to crash down on her dreams. You were just lucky that you now had a vehicle to drive, having collected her car from the airport, and a place to live, hoping that there would not be a repeat of your grandmother’s house in the future.

On the way to the skating rink, Sohee sat in the back chattering away to Sakura, telling her all about everything. By the end of the car ride, Sakura, Karina, and you were experts in what was happening in Sohee’s favorite children’s show and all the drama her little mind had created between Luna and Sunny, her two favorite stuffed animals. Upon arriving at the rink, it was like nothing had changed. Standing in front of the rink, it was like you had been teleported back to four years ago, leaving practice to join Sunghoon in his barely running car that had more problems than Karina had boy problems. Yet, only this time, there was no handsome boyfriend waiting in his rundown beater of a car for you, and there was a three year old grabbing your hand, trying to make you run with her towards the doors.

Entering the rink, it was like a trip to the past, seeing old trophies decorating the trophy boxes, old photos. Time stopped as you saw a photo you thought you had taken when you left. There it lay pinned to the wall behind the gold trophy, a photo of Sunghoon and yourself, after you had won your first pairs competition, a sheet of paper beside it congratulating the two of you, reading that the pairs routine had the highest score ever achieved from a pair trained in this rink. Just under that sheet was another, stating for the next two competitions they received the same score, a score that until this day, no other pair from this rink had been able to beat. 

As Sohee was enamored with the shiny trophies, you had not heard the person approaching, until you felt a familiar hand on your shoulder. Coach Kim had recognized you the moment you entered the rink, as she was viewing the security footage during this slow time of the day. “She looks just like the two of you.” Coach softly said under her breath, watching as the toddler bounced about, excited to start. With a simple nod, you found yourself almost crying as Coach Kim stared at you. “I bet she’s just as talented as the two of you were.” She said, before the three of you started to walk over towards the check in counter. As you reach towards your wallet, Kim is quick to shake her head. “It’s free, I don’t charge my favorite students.” 

With a nod, you helped Kim select an appropriate pair of skates for Sohee, assisting the child put her skates on. “She saw an old video of me skating, and immediately decided she needed to come try it for herself.” Passing Karina and Sakura skates in their size, you pulled out your old skates, honestly surprised to see they still fit. 

Coach Kim nodded her head, laughing as she watched the child try to balance on the skates. “We don’t have anyone scheduled until five, so you have a few hours. It’ll be nice to see you back on the ice.” With a nod, you stood, your hand quickly finding Sohee’s to lead her out to the ice. 

���We’ll try to be out by then, thank you Coach.” With that, you watched as Coach Kim simply smiled before going back into her office, allowing the four of you privacy within the skating rink. Reaching the ice, it was your first love, your second home, it was everything to you at one point, and honestly, still felt that way all these years later. While you were sure your skills had waned, they definitely were no longer what they once were, you could not resist the urge to dance the last solo routine you had learned. 

As you reached the ice, Karina was quick to grab Sohee, dragging her over to the seats for a moment. “Hey, let’s watch your mom skate first, how about that. You can see how pretty she is on the ice.” Once the three of them were seated, you found yourself easily finding peace in what was your last learned routine. The muscle memory coming to you immediately, not a thought was needed nor the music to the piece. You found some of the moves were no longer in your skills list, thanks to not skating for three years, but other than those few moves, you completed the routine, before finding your way in front of the three people viewing you. 

“Come on, join me on the ice.” You told the three of them, as you reached to grasp your daughter’s hands within your own. Karina was helping Sakura as you helped Sohee, soon the two of them were skating around without a second thought, Sohee was a natural, just as her parents were. Seeing the little girl trying to attempt tricks she witnessed from you moments ago, you were quick to grab her, keeping her from falling. “No, we don’t do that yet, just skate. Tricks come later, okay?” With a grumble, Sohee started skating again, the three of them raced, Karina and Sakura allowing the small girl to win, as she proclaimed she was the best skater ever. 

It was not long before an hour had passed, Karina and Sakura announcing they had to go, Karina was needed at work, while Sakura still had one final left to do. Leaving just your daughter and yourself within the rink alone. The two of you skated around, it was easy to lose yourself in it, finding the joy you felt all those years ago on the ice once more. This was your safe haven all those years ago, and part of you had the premonition that this would be your daughter’s safe haven as well one of these days. 

The ease of losing yourself in the ice, you failed to see how much time had passed, not only had the two of you spent most of the day here, but it was now five. You had not heard the door open, nor had you seen the male that gazed at you with shock. He had closed the door, going to the locker room to clear his thoughts, assuming he was seeing things. Once the door closed, he was gone just as quickly as your alarm had gone off. Quickly grabbing Sohee, you explained it was time to leave. As you were in the locker room, you noticed it was getting a bit busy, mostly children coming in to lace up their skates. Assuming it was time for a children’s skating class, you just wanted to leave before Sohee got any ideas of joining the class. Finally making your way through the crowd of children and parents, you were exiting the rink. Had you thought to look to your left, you would have seen the familiar male who has his eyes locked on you through the transparent glass on the side of the rink room. 

That day skating sparked a love within Sohee that reminded you of your own love of skating. She was quick to ask to return each and every day, sometimes asking to go multiple times a day. The child had found joy in what was her parents greatest joy, even if she only knew it was her mother’s greatest joy. Arriving at the rink extremely early every day, you started to teach your daughter how to skate, wanting to make sure you avoided any possible classes or anyone that knew Sunghoon, being at the rink when it opened seemed like the best choice. And honestly, it worked, throughout the winter break, not once did you see him or anyone that knew him. Sohee was not always the most happy, wanting to go skating later in the day, and some days complaining about waking up so early, but those complaints would fade once her feet hit the rink. The ice was a second home to your three year old just as it was you, and you felt joy watching her trying her best to skate as fast as she could, of everything to get from you, she may have not gotten your looks, but she definitely got your natural affinity for the ice.

Once classes started back, trips to the rink were a rarity, Sohee understood that luckily. It however, would not stop the child from asking to go to the rink when Aunt Rina or Aunt Kura were babysitting her, or even begging Uncle Won and Uncle Sunoo the one time you had to ask Jungwon and Sunoo to babysit her since both Karina and Sakura had the flu and with it being the first day of class, you could not just miss it. Luckily neither of them had class that day, and easily volunteered to watch their niece. You, however, were lucky to have such amazing friends that loved your daughter just as you did, sometimes you honestly felt that Sohee loved them more than she did you, especially Sunoo and his inability to say no to her until she would be on her twelfth cookie. 

As classes started, you were lucky to not see Jake within any of them, nor to see Sunghoon. You had a few with Sakura, Jungwon, and Sunoo once again, and one with Jay, but that was it. Classes started with ease, you were not thrown into a major group project in the middle of the first week or placed in a group to work throughout the semester with. With the end of the first week, everyone felt it was due to celebrate, Sohee only wanted one thing, and quickly swayed the votes in her favor. The problem of having an adorable daughter, was that her aunts and uncles would do anything to see her smile, even if that means embarrassing themselves on the ice skating rink since she wants nothing more than to go ice skating this weekend with all her family.

That was how on a Saturday morning, Jungwon, Sunoo, Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself stood on the ice in the skating rink. Sohee was quick to start skating circles around Jungwon and Sunoo, yelling that it is easy to skate, as she watched them struggle. Jungwon and Sunoo had not known about your figure skating past, but Sohee was quick to tell them, blabbering on and on about how her mom was a professional figure skater, leading to curiosity and wonder from the two who had never joined you at the rink before. With a simple routine being completed, you found yourself explaining the history to them. “I started when I was three, but I quit at like nineteen, about three years ago.” With that, they understood, as the three year old girl in front of them, started to drag them from their seats back to the ice. 

The six of you skated for what felt like hours before leaving, had you been more observant you would have noticed a figure watching you from the transparent windows separating the rink from the lobby. The figure had a phone in hand, pictures being taken of the six of you, but specifically of Sunoo, Sohee, and yourself. The pictures were then quickly sent by the unknown male. Followed by three pointed text messages ‘did you know she was back in town?’, ‘Sunoo seems to be friends with her, what a great friend you have right?’, and lastly ‘might just be me, but doesn’t this child look a bit too familiar, wonder who her dad might be?’. 

Sunghoon’s phone beeped as he awoke from his sleep, he did not have children’s skating class until later that afternoon, so he felt no need to wake early. But someone else had other plans, as his phone started to beep and vibrate, one time after another, eight times in a row. Opening his phone, he was bombarded by photos and text from an unknown number, whoever it was seemed to know him, but he did not know them. The first two photos were of you, followed by his text about you being back in town. The next was a group photo, then a photo of Sunoo alone, followed by the text about Sunoo. Lastly, he saw it, a text about a child, then the photo of the child. Staring at the photo, he felt confusion, he felt lost, he did not know how to feel. The child in the photo could be explained simply by saying himself in a wig, but that is not possible. He does not have any children, stared at the text, taking it to assume they meant it was your children, but who could the father be. Not dwelling on that thought any longer, he was quick to respond to the text messages, ‘who are you?’ he asked, but received no reply, and as he tried to send the message once more, he was greeted with a ‘this user is no longer available at this number’ message, meaning whoever it was had blocked him. 

Sunghoon was quick to text the phone number to his group chat, asking everyone if they knew who it was. However, that was fruitless, as neither Jake, Jay, Sunoo, or Heeseung knew who the owner of the number was. Yet, with that out of the way, his emotions started to take over him. He quickly took screenshots of the messages, sending those along with the photos sent to him, to the group chat. ‘Who was going to fucking tell me that she was back in town?’ Sunghoon sent, after sending what had been sent to him. His anger grew as no one answered the message, ‘and you’re friends with her Sunoo?’. Yet, this was not the last message he sent, ‘and why does that child look so much like me?’. 

Jay was the only one to respond to his messages, well his last one at least, ‘I think you need to talk to her for that answer.’ Jake was quick to kick Sunoo out of the group chat, before Sunoo could reply or anything, texting nothing more than ‘that fucking traitor’. As Sunghoon replied to Jay’s message, ‘what do you mean talk to her? You knew about this and didn’t tell me?’ Yet, Jay had no chance to reply this time, as Jake kicked him from the group chat as well, ‘fucking traitors’ being the last message Jake sent, before Sunghoon muted the group chat, staring at his phone as he was lost, just confused as to what to do. Ignoring each and every message that popped up before he shut the screen off, Heeseung and Jake sent message after message concerned, but Sunghoon honestly did not care in the least. 

Everything started to hit him all at once. The love of his life had been back for who knows how long, meaning when he saw you at the rink the other day, it was reality, not just another figment of his imagination. Sunoo had become friends with you, despite knowing your past, everything Sunghoon went through, he still befriended you regardless of that. And lastly, the most important thing of all hit him, there was a child out there that looked way too much like him to be a coincidence, a child that you were apparently the mother of. Unable to stop himself, it was like Sunghoon’s brain was on autopilot, he got himself dressed, and soon was outside of your house, at least he hoped it was still your house. This was a trip he would take every day just years ago, he would take you out for treats and drive you home. Back then he had a barely functioning beater of a car, but despite the vehicle taking the trip changing, he never forgot the streets it took to make it to your house. Sunghoon never forget how your mom would peek out the windows to see him kissing you goodbye, he would never forgot how she actually squealed the first time, having to be physically picked up and carried away by your father, her excitement to seeing her child falling in love, and he will never forget how it felt to be the one that you were in love with.

Getting home, Sohee quickly fell asleep, the skating tiring her out. Once she was asleep, everyone else left, most off to their own homes to do the exact same thing. Watching a three year old was tiring, but chasing an overexcited and energetic three year old around an ice rink was next level tiring, especially for those who were not used to being on skates. As you tidied up around the house, everything was quiet, too quiet. Despite your immediate reaction to usually think something bad will happen when things are going too well, all you could think about was how everything was going well, unbeknownst to you that all of that would be crashing down around you soon enough.

The door was knocked upon, for a moment you thought it was Sohee rolling out of bed, but the knock came again. Going to the door, you should have immediately checked the peephole, but instead you failed to do so, just slinging the door open. You assumed it was one of your friends, probably Sakura realizing she had left her phone or something in your living room, as she often did when she was over. However, Sakura’s smiling face was not the one you saw upon opening the door. 

It was like time froze when you saw him again. It had been three years, but he looked even more handsome than he had all those years ago. He had grown into his features, features you once had the joy and pleasure of ghosting your fingertips over, as you laid soft kisses on the various moles around his face, before gracing his lips with what he desired so much. All these years, you had thought about the time you would see him again. But each and every time, it had you sitting in your recliner, he would be on your television screen, winning gold with a skating partner that was even prettier and better than you. Not, seeing him standing in front of you, especially not seeing him standing in front of you.

As he stared at you, he felt the butterflies again. They never faded, they would just come in and stay whenever he thought about you, but he was sure you no longer felt them after all these years. He stood unsure of what to say, he had not expected to be here again. In his mind the idea of knocking on your door, and then actually seeing you behind the door was only in his dreams. All those years ago when you left, he would knock on your door, just to be welcomed to the sight of your mom telling him you moved. With all the thoughts going on in his mind, he found himself unable to put a coherent thought together. It took a few moments before he finally blurted something out, which was not what he wanted to say, but it was all he could think at the moment. “Is she mine?” it slipped out so effortlessly, like he had been practicing it for days, not just for the five minutes he was sitting in his car preparing the strength to come approach your door. He watched as you did nothing but stare at him open-mouthed, he was unsure whether it was the shock of seeing him after five years, or the shock that he knew something you did not seem to want him to know. 

Hearing his question, you froze, you never expected this, you never wanted this. You thought maybe one day you would ease him into the idea, and there would be no way he would try to take her or anything. But, him showing up at your house, that meant way more than you would like to know. Your first thought being Jay, he had to tell Sunghoon, no one else in his inner circle knew about this other than one Park Jeongseong. Finally realizing you needed to respond to the man in front of you, shaking your head, you started to close the door. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I think you’re confused.” You rushed to say, attempting to slam the door. “I’m busy, I have things to do.”

Sunghoon had expected this: denial, lies, rejection. Just like how you left him all those years ago, nothing more than lies about your grandmother, leaving him in denial that you would give up on him that easily, and feeling nothing more than the rejection from you leaving. His hand quickly came up, stopping the door from closing, foot pushing it open the rest of the way as he moved to stand in the door frame. His body was standing so you could not close the door, since if it was attempted, it would simply hit him, and he would have pushed it back open. “Tell me the fucking truth,” He forcefully said, it taking everything in himself to not scream or yell. He had spent three years thinking you left him to enjoy the single life, moving to where your grandmother lived to have fun with those foreign boys, that would probably do much of anything to get with a foreigner girl. But, seeing these photos, the thought that maybe you left for other reasons plagued his mind. If you genuinely left due to being pregnant, why did you leave him, did you think he would have rejected you and his child. He knew the little girl in the photos he received had to be his, she looked identical to his own baby photos, like someone had photoshopped a wig onto his own baby photos. 

Quickly fishing his phone from his pocket, it was easily unlocked to the text messages the unknown person had sent him earlier. The only thing visible on the screen was the photo of Sohee. Raising the phone so that you were able to see what was being showcased on the screen, Sunghoon recognized the quick look of hurt flashed across your features as you stared at the picture on his phone screen. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” He said, his voice cracking as he said the word lie. Here he stood in front of you, in person, after all these years. After all the times he told himself he would never see you again. After all the times he cried himself to sleep after you abruptly left him brokenhearted. After all these years he willed himself not to cry in front of you, to save it for the purple pillowcase encased pillow laying on his bed, that even after all these years, he swears still smells faintly of your perfume. “She looks just like me, doesn’t she?” Sunghoon murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes staring at the photo on his screen. 

Sunghoon would not lie, back when you were dating he often imagined a future together. He would think of asking your father for your hand in marriage, seeing you walking down the aisle in a poofy large white dress made of more fabric than should be humanly possible, and lastly the idea of having children of your own. In his mind however, all of your little girls would look just like you, while all your sons would look like him. Yet, as he stared at the photo in his hand, he was just dumbfounded. He found himself unable to comprehend why you would leave him to do this on your own, he was no expert on the female mind, but he assumed most women would want a supportive partner, rather than willingly choosing the idea of being a single parent. But, here you had not only hidden a pregnancy, you had moved to another country to hide the pregnancy, had the birth in another country, named and raised the child with no input from himself, and then moved back home without a single thought of notifying him that there was a human out there in the world that he had helped create. His first thought would be that he had been cheated on, since why else would someone do that, but seeing how there was no way to deny the resemblance between himself and the child, he knew that was not the answer. 

“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon muttered, tired of your silence at that point. He had been standing in your doorway for a good ten minutes, not a single reply had slipped past your lips during that time. Looking at the woman in front of him, he could not stop his heartstrings from tugging, feeling hurt as you stared at the ground dejectedly. From your reaction alone, he could sense you did not want to tell him why you wanted to hide this from him, even now as he stood in front of you there were no words being spoken, he had no idea, but he was not going to let this topic drop. “She’s mine, isn’t she?” He questioned once more, just wanting confirmation at this point. While he wanted words, he saw how your head nodded, defeated almost, like you did not want to give it up, but you had no choice at this point. "How long did you think you could hide that?" He immediately asked afterwards. “Did you not trust me? Did you not love me enough to want me to be in her life? Was I not good enough for you?” 

Each question slipping past his lips was like a dagger to your heart. Tell him the truth, well the truth is that he was the father of your now three year old daughter. How long did you think you could hide it from him, well your mind thought you would have kept it hidden a whole lot longer than just three years, honestly, if you had it your way, he would have never found out about her. Did you not trust him, you trusted him most of all, who you did not trust was yourself. Did you not love him enough, you loved him too much to try to burden him with this. Was he not good enough, as usual he had it backwards, you were the one that was not good enough for him. Despite all the thoughts filling your head, none of them came out, instead only one thing, a simple apology. “I’m sorry,” You muttered, unable to put any of your other thoughts into words. Despite the plethora of words filling your head, begging you to apologize to him, begging you to beg for him to love you once more, to tell him you never stopped loving him; none of those came out, despite how badly they wanted to. You said those words like they would suddenly help the situation, but you knew they would not, they were nothing more than useless at this point, words you were saying trying not to feel as bad as you did. The apology was not for him, but for yourself, thinking that maybe the words falling past your lips might make you feel better about this situation. But the honest truth, it made you feel worse, giving him an apology without any explanation, it was like giving someone an empty gift box, no thought or substance, just giving them what you thought they wanted. Yet, he wanted the truth, he wanted to know everything no matter how badly it hurt, but you knew the truth would not hurt him, it would only hurt you. All these years the truth you had hidden from him, from Sohee, in a way from yourself, would come to light, but internally you had hoped it would not be for more years. You hoped by the time it was exposed he would have moved on, you would have moved on, both too happy to disrupt what you had for the idea of what ifs and what could have been. 

Listening to you apologize in vain, a chill was sent through Sunghoon’s body, it was like ice was chilling his veins. The cold never bothered him usually, even as he stood outside, the gentle snow falling from the dark clouds above during the frigid January temperatures felt like nothing compared to the frozen feeling coursing through his veins. It was like everything froze, himself including, the words you were not speaking resounding much louder than what you did say. His heartbeat boomed within his eardrums, someone could have been screaming in his ear at that moment, and he would have heard nothing. Leaning against the doorframe, he willed his own legs to not give out under him. The photo, the child, your child, his child, he had a child, he had a child out there that he had no idea about. With that thought, his mind went blank, the doorframe being the only thing that supported him from completely falling to the ground in that moment. You had left him because of this, you broke his heart to hide this from him, you had been back who knows how long without even as much as a word to him. Watching as you moved, seemingly welcoming him into your home, out of the elements, safe from the falling snow all around. He moved inside without a word, almost like he was on autopilot. It was like his brain went back to all those days years ago, back in high school when the two of you were dating, and your evenings were spent cuddling on your sofa watching romance movies, attempting to ignore the giggles coming from your mother’s mouth as she spied on the two of you, muttering to your father about young love. Using all his strength to sit on the couch, trying his best not to collapse, despite how badly his body was wishing to give in. He allowed his phone to slip from his hands, falling to the carpeted floor under your coffee table, as he found himself burying his face within his hands. “I will never understand how you could do this.” He said, not even bothering to attempt to make eye contact with you. Emotionally and physically drained, he struggled to find what to say next. “I just, why would you hide this? Why would you hide her? Hide her from me?” Was all he said, before finally looking up at you, his heart breaking with each word. 

Standing across the room from him, this might be your house, but you found yourself unable to sit. How would you get comfortable knowing what was going on? Years were spent hiding this from him. You did it for his own good, had you not done it you thought he would have given up ice skating, but fate works in funny ways, since he ended up giving up regardless. “I thought I was protecting you,” You finally muttered, playing with your fingers, refusing to look where he sat. Despite how difficult this was on you, the thought of how difficult it was for him crossed your mind, he just found out he had a child of three years old with his ex. Life may be crumbling and falling for yourself, but his life has already crumbled and fallen; yours could be saved by the right actions, his concept of his own life was already burned and the only thing one could do was wait until the fire was dead, rebuild, and move on. “Sunghoon, you had so many dreams, the Olympics, and all, it was your life. I couldn’t be the reason it was taken away.” Finally putting part of your thoughts into words, you started to tell him. Speaking, your feet moved on the carpet unconsciously, before you knew it, you were standing in front of him. You sat down beside him, your body against the arm of the couch, providing as much distance from him as the small sofa would allow. “You were Olympics bound, and I wasn’t. You were always the better of the two of us, the natural talent. I knew if either of us had a chance it was you. And I knew if you knew about her, you wouldn’t go. Sunghoon, I know you, and I know you would have wanted to be there, you would have given up your hopes, given up your dreams for us, and I just couldn’t do that to you.” You told him, it was the most words you had spoken to him in almost three years. As you attempted to explain your thinking to him, you found yourself unable to stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks, they starting to come, as you spoke.

“It wasn’t just my dream. It was our dream. I thought we were in it together, we were a pair, and a pair means two not just one.” Sunghoon started, watching as the tears fell down your cheeks, he wanted to stop them, but instead clenched his fist in his lap, and despite how badly he wanted to caress your cheek and wipe your tears, it was no longer his duty to do that. Feeling the sharp edges of his nails eating into his hand, he eased his grip for a moment, trying to find an inner calm to keep his anger from getting worse. Three years prior, he would have never had thought he would feel such a surge of anger directed towards you. He was so in love with you, nothing more than a lovesick puppy, a toy on a string for you, he would have done anything for you. Now, he was struggling to believe you would do this, the way you so easily chose to exclude him from his own daughter’s life. The thought that he would have never known of the existence of the child had it not been for the text from the unknown number, the desire to unveil the identity of the unknown number faded, as the focus became on the child. “You thought you were protecting me. Why would leaving the country and not telling me about my own child be protecting me? You wouldn’t have been the reason anything was taken from me. Why would you think like that? I just, if given the choice, I would have always picked you, you were always my pick.” He said, still trying to grasp how you thought hiding this from him would protect him, how this had helped him. The choices that were made did nothing more than hurt him, in no way was he helped or soothed by actions you did. “I would have given up training in a heartbeat for you, for our child. The Olympics may have been a dream, but you were my reality, and I would have wanted to be there for you and her more than I wanted my dream.” He started to tell you, trailing off, not sure he wanted you to hear the last part of what he was saying. “You were my dream, getting married and having kids with you was my dream,” he whispered under his breath. Thoughts that you hopefully did not hear passed through his mind, as he remembered all the times he thought of your future, his future was always intertwined with yours, until that fateful day.

Hearing his words, you froze, the tears fell upon your cheeks even harder. Just having him say those words, you were his dream, it hit you in a way you hated. It was not the Olympics, it was not winning gold medals or breaking records, you were his dream. Since you discovered he injured himself shortly after you left, you felt that you had ruined his dreams, taking away his Olympic ambitions, robbing him of those gold medals. But the reality was that you had robbed him of his dreams before that, you had ruined his dreams, you had removed yourself from his life, taking away every last part of his dreams, since it was not the lofty Olympic podium that was his dream, it was being with you forever. Unable to reply to anything he said, you just tried to stop yourself from crying. The tears were already flowing, you just wanted them to stop at this point. Stop, so you could have a conversation with the man in front of you. But it seemed that would not happen any time soon, as they continued to fall down your cheeks.

Unwilling to wait until you responded to what he said, he just continued on talking, letting you know how he felt. “I have a three year old daughter in this world, and you hid her from me without a second thought. You did nothing but keep me from being in her life for three long years. Did you ever once think about her? Did you ever once think about what would be best for her, best for our daughter?” Sunghoon started to rant, any feelings of sorrow he had felt evaporated, instead being left with anger. “Did you ever once think that she might grow up and ask about her father? Did you ever think about what you could tell her? How would you explain why she only has a mom? Did you once think about how you would tell her about me? Would you have told her truth? Would you have told her that her father didn’t know she existed, because her mother decided to run off and run away the moment she found out she was pregnant? Would you have told her that the reason she doesn’t have a dad like all the other kids is because her mom never even told her dad that she was pregnant, that her mom ran away to another country to raise her alone rather than letting her have a father? What would you have told her when she starts to notice she doesn’t look like you? From that photo alone anyone that knows us can tell she’s mine, what would you have told her when people started pointing out that she doesn’t look like her mother?” He was practically barking his questions at you, idea after idea slipping past his lips. 

With each question he said, you felt your heart sinking deeper and deeper into your chest. You really had not thought this through. All those years ago, the only thought on your mind was making sure he could achieve his Olympic goals, but he so easily poked so many holes into the mind boat that was your thoughts on this situation. However, each question he said was right, it was something you had not even thought of. What would you have told her when she asked about her dad, how would you have explained everything to her, why she did not have a father; it was your fault she did not have a father after all. As those thoughts entered your mind, you could only envision your own daughter hating you, since you were the reason she did not have a father, you were the reason she only had a mother, it was your fault all along. You were not the heroic single mom raising her child alone since the father was absent, you were a single mother raising a child alone that never gave the father a chance to be a father. As that thought finally settled into your mind, you felt horrible, you had never given her a chance to have or be loved by her father, the idea that you were saving Sunghoon’s Olympic ambition felt stupid now, you had instead robbed him of the chance to see his child grow up, you had stolen away his chance to be a father. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, the tears getting worse, each word he said made you feel worse and worse. Everything you had done to protect him seemed to be for nothing, instead of protecting his future, you had ruined it, and robbed your daughter of some of her childhood as well. “I’m sorry,” was a murmur slipping past your lips, unable to speak anything else.

Sunghoon’s heartstrings began to pull as he watched your tears fall worse, his words making what were once silent tears turn into full out sobbing. He felt bad for a moment, watching you cry was something that was not on his list of needs or desires, he hurt seeing how you hurt, but he did nothing to soothe you or stop your tears. Full minutes passed of nothing but your sobbing your heart out, it was then he really felt horrible. What you had said, it finally hit him, and what he had said made him feel horrible. You had done what you thought was best, while you may have not been thinking during that time, you did what you thought was best for yourself and your daughter. While that decision was a wrong one and was stupid, at the time you felt it was your only decision, and here he was bringing up all the little things you never thought of. Almost ten minutes passed of crying, nothing but the broken sobs and slight shifts as you tried to wipe your tears and keep it from getting worse. It was only then that he broke, getting up from his spot on the sofa moving over to where you sat. His hand was broad on your back, he gently rubbed it, trying his best to sooth you. “You did what you thought was best at the time. At the time you thought going at it alone was the best thing to do, and you raised her the best you could.” He said, his hand naturally going to your hair, petting it as he once would. It felt so natural to him, and while you would not admit it, it felt natural to yourself as well. You had to stop yourself from leaning into his touch, your body reacting naturally to his touch, like he was made just for you. The thoughts of years gone by plagued your mind, how this was so natural to the both of you, it was like despite the time lost, it was as though your souls were never apart, still reaching for one another, desiring and craving the affection and attention of the other. “All we can do now is try to focus on now. You can’t take back your decision to leave and raise her alone, but you can change what happens between the two of you in the future.” He said, his heart felt lighter as your crying started to subside. Despite that, his mind yelled at him to hate you, to yell at you, to hurt you like you hurt him, but his heart knew you had been hurting just as he had, the hurt was just for a different reason. “If I can, I’d like to see her?” Sunghoon finally dropped onto you, fully removing himself from your body, his hands dropping from your back and hair, he instead picking up his previously discarded phone, deciding now is better than ever. He had no doubts the child in the photo was her, and she looked almost identical to him. 

It was odd, he soothing you, attempting to help you despite what you had done to him, what you had done to your daughter. His words were soothing, calming, relaxing. Your mind was confused, he should be yelling, he should be screaming, he should be threatening to sue, he should be doing so many other things than calmly soothing you and talking softly. As he asked the question you had been waiting for, it felt as though time stood still. Three years she had been your little secret, she knew nothing of her father and her father knew nothing of her, but here stood her father, wanting nothing more than to see her. Nodding slowly, you stood to your feet, moving almost like on autopilot, not a thought was in your mind as you walked through the house to your bedroom door, knowing Sohee slept on the other side. “She’s sleeping, or she was, so we need to be quiet,” you softly warned him, not wanting her to wake up and see him yet, knowing you needed time to acclimate her to the idea of another person, to the idea of her father. Watching as Sunghoon nodded his head, the door was soon open, revealing the sleeping toddler laying in her bed, the soft grey bunny she was so attached to still clutched in her tiny hands. 

A gasp was easily heard getting caught in Sunghoon’s throat, never in his life would he have imagined this feeling. A warmth felt in his chest, despite knowing nothing about her, he felt like he loved her, of course he did, he had helped to create her. Staring at the sleeping figure, it took everything in him to not cry. His heart wanted to weep as he gazed upon the tiny blanket covered figure. Meanwhile his mind was confused, wanting to weep alongside his heart, but at the same time wanting to scream and yell from the fact that he missed all those first. He never got to see her for the first time walking, hear her first words, hear her first giggle, see her as she entered the world for the first time. Despite the automatic feelings of love he felt towards her, he could not help but remind himself he was staring at a child he knew nothing about, for being a father, he did not feel like a father. As he watched her small face scrunch up as she shifted about, clutching her soft pink Hello Kitty blanket closer, he could not help but hope that you would allow him to stay, and that maybe with time those feelings would come, with time he should start feeling like a father, with time he would be her father. His gaze shifted from the sweet little face of the toddler to what she clutched in her hands as she slept, a familiar grey stuffed rabbit toy. It brought back memories from years ago, almost six years ago at this point, and he felt his heart swell with joy, that alone meant more to him than you would ever hear from him. The fact that you kept a stuffed animal he had given you so long ago and the fact that you gave it to your daughter gave him an odd sense of hope. Hope that the future might be bright, that your future together might be bright.

Closing the door gently behind him, the two of you returned to the living room, finding yourself seated on the chair once more, Sunghoon still in a daze from seeing his daughter for the first time in real life. Unable to think of much to say, you simply decided to tell him her name since you were unsure of what else to say to him. “I know you haven’t asked, but her name is Sohee.” You told him, watching as the daydreaming gaze over his eyes faded, being replaced by tearfilled eyes. As the name slipped past your lips, you hoped that he would not remember the day of discussing children’s names so many years ago, however, as he heard the name, his mind went back to that day. Casually talking amongst your friends, and joking about what you would name your future children; some saying random names of random items one might find around the house, however Sunghoon simply commented on a name he liked, Sohee, claiming he felt it was perfect for a little girl. 

Hearing the name, Sunghoon froze, the thought that you remembered that day when naming her hit him hard. The idea that you named her a name he claimed to want to name his future daughter, filled his heart with joy. Despite you leaving, he was still on your mind the whole time. He would have preferred you to be honest with him, to be truthful with him, so he could be there for her and yourself. He wished he could have been there when you had her, he should have been there, he should have held your hand as you struggled through everything, he should have been one of the first people to hold her after you, they were all memories that he would never get now, but he could only hope that you would allow him to make those memories now. “You named her Sohee.” He softly muttered, trying his best not to cry. With the flurry of emotions he had been overwhelmed with today, it took a lot for him to calm down so he did not cry. Within the span of about four hours he had gone through possibly every emotion known to man; denial, joy, sorrow, anger, grief, betrayal, pride, amusement, relief, love, contentment, disgust, and so many more. “I want to meet her properly, I’m her father and she deserves to know that, and I deserve to have a relationship with her.” Sunghoon started, as he kneeled down in front of where you sat, taking your own hands in his, forcing you to look at him as he spoke. “I know she probably knows nothing about me, but you can’t hide her from me anymore. She deserves to know who her father is. Even though I’m still pissed about this whole situation, we need to put our personal feelings aside for what is best for her.” He said, despite knowing he just saw her for the first time, he could feel his heart swell with joy as he gazed upon her cute features, wanting nothing more than to keep her happy and cared for. 

Hearing his words, you thought to yourself that everything you had believed he would do once he knew about her was wrong. With the confines of your mind prison you had convinced yourself that he would take her from you, he would sue you for custody, he would leave you without your child. Despite all these years, he still spoke to you gently with kindness, it reminded you of why you fell in love with him to start with. As he expressed his desire to get to know Sohee, to be her father, to let her know her father, a smile softly covered your features. “She has started talking about her father, she knows nothing as of right now. I didn’t want to explain everything to her this young, all she knows is her dad just isn’t around right now.” You told him, it was the truth, occasionally she brought up why characters in her shows had two parents while she only had one. Luckily at her young age, she could not fully understand why her familial situation was different from what she saw on television, all she knew is that her favorite cartoon characters had two parents, but she only had one. “I think she would like to meet you,” the sentence started but trailed off, unsure of what else to say. It took everything within you not to admit that you would like him to meet her officially as well, to start to form some form of relationship with her, to be the father she deserves. 

All the years of fear and worry were for naught, Sunghoon was not going to steal your daughter away, he was not going to rob you of your joy and child, he just wanted to be in her life. Letting your hands drop from his clutch, you could not stop yourself from thinking about how different things could have been if you made the choices your family and Karina wanted you to make so many years ago. Had you told him you were pregnant all those years ago, where would the three of you have been now? As the thought crossed your mind, you imagined telling him and him reacting with joy, the two of you had honestly thought you were endgame all those years ago, so it would only make sense he would react with such excitement. Sohee would have had the family she deserved, Sunghoon would have achieved his dreams, since as he said his dream was always being with you. The past three years in which you struggled to get by and raise her on your own, Sohee would have never had to go without since she would have had both parents to fall back on. Your parents would have easily stepped up to help, and you would like to imagine Sunghoon’s would have as well. It might be three years late, but the thought that Sohee would get that life, possibly getting two supportive and loving parents felt great, better late than never. Despite the joy you felt in your heart at his words, the darker part of your mind kept rising up, trying to convince you that this is just a ruse, a way to gain access to her and take her away permanently, like you feared he would so many times.

The sheer amount of joy Sunghoon felt towards the child felt odd, but he could finally understand what others say about a parent’s love. He might not know the child, but just knowing it was his, left him wanting to protect her and bring her joy. Had someone told him just a month ago that he would have a child, that he would be going through the process to meet her properly, he would have thought they were crazy. Having a child this young was never in his cards, but honestly falling in love with you all those years ago was never in his cards either, and after you left, the idea of the two of you finding each other again was not in those cards either. “I would love to be able to meet her officially. I know she’s not going to know who I am, but I want her to.” Sunghoon started, all he could think of was being the father his daughter deserved, someone that would be there for her, and he had three years to make up for now. He would not admit it, but deep within his heart, he wanted to be someone you deserved as well. Three years had passed, you had hidden a child from him, you had left him broken hearted, but the heart wants what it wants and even after all these years it still only wanted you.

Nodding as he spoke, you agreed with him. “I think it’ll take her a while to get used to it, after all she’s only had me for all these years, but I’m willing to try.” You explained to him, seeing the reaction on his face, thankful that he did not say what he was obviously thinking, probably something along the lines of saying and whose fault is that, when you mentioned her only having her mother for all those years. It was your fault, you would admit that, but you thought it was what was best at the time. “I think we need to create a schedule. Let you meet her a few times, allow her to get accustomed to who you are, before we really let her know exactly who you are.”

The words you said were met with a nod from Sunghoon, as badly as he wanted to do nothing more than immediately wake the child up and tell her that he was her dad, he knew that was not a good decision. Hearing the apprehension in your voice, he could tell you were torn in regards to this, he could only imagine what was going through your mind in that time, while he was experiencing joy and anger and regret, he could only imagine the fear in your mind. You had hidden her for three years, now he was here wanting to be in her life, it was only reasonable to expect you to have some fear in regards to your child. “Yeah, that’s fine, just message me, my number’s never changed.” He admitted, deciding it was finally time for him to leave, despite how badly he wanted to see his child again. Even after all these years, he never changed his phone number, in the hopes that he would get a message from you one day. “You’ve raised her alone for three years, but you don’t have to be alone anymore.” He told you, smiling as he saw a slight smile upon your face before he excused himself. 

It was already night by the time he left, the two of you spoke and cried for hours, despite wanting to be filled with anger and hatred towards you, all he felt was regret that you thought telling him of the pregnancy would ruin his dreams, and joy that you were willing to let him try to be there for the both of you. As he hit the road, he made his way back home with ease. The drive was one that just came back to him so easily, driving from your house to his, and it was not long before he was at his own house’s door. Entering his house, he finally decided to go into the group chat he had been ignoring for hours. It was a mess when he left, and was a mess when he returned. Heeseung had added Jay and Sunoo back into it, much to Jake’s ire. Sunoo had been forgiven by Jake it seems, especially after he reminded the other that he was not part of your whole high school drama, and knew nothing of this. Jay it seems was almost fighting for his life, explaining how he knew about the child for months, but chose not to share since it was not his spot to do so. Seeing the plethora of messages, Sunghoon simply sent one message before turning his phone off. A message that simply said ‘she’s mine’, causing everyone but Jay to set the group chat ablaze, as they freaked out in regards to the simple two word message. Yet, as Sunghoon turned his phone off the flurry of messages from Jake, Heeseung, and Sunoo would go unanswered until a later time. 

The next day the two of you quickly scheduled a meeting at the park. While it was winter, the middle of January at that, the day was oddly warm, and you decided to let your sweet child take advantage of the unusual warmth for the day. Sohee ran around the playground, going from the swings to the slide, having the time of her life. Being the only person on the playground just after noon on Sunday was fun to her, not having to wait to use anything or share with another, it was just like her own private event. Sunghoon sat in his car for almost ten minutes after arriving at the park, doing nothing but watching, observing the child as she played. For most people when they have a child they get to go through the whole thing, starting with holding a baby that can not even wrap its hand all the way around their parents finger, to starting to babble and crawl, before walking and talking and running, then starting school as they grow even older. He however, was missing the entire first part of that, skipping all the way to the children talking and running and about to start school. For a moment, he contemplated leaving, letting Sohee enjoy her day without having to worry about how she would react to him. But, as his phone buzzed with a text asking if he was on his way, he decided that he better go ahead and do it now. 

Exiting his car, the child paid him no mind. She was in her own little world, the playground taking each and every bit of her attention. He found himself sitting next to you, wordlessly just watching Sohee, as you were. “She’s very energetic, isn’t she?” He said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence, not really knowing what else he should say. Watching as she went down the slide then immediately ran over to the jungle gym, climbing up it the best she could with her little legs and little arms. Watching as you nodded, not seeing a reason in responding, he still felt odd with the silence between the two of you. Once upon a time the silence would be comforting, the two of you would sit arm in arm in silence just satiated with each other’s presence, but those days are long gone. “Is it bad I’m terrified?” He finally said, getting out what had been on his mind this whole time, “What if she hates me?”

The inner turmoil was evident in Sunghoon’s face, but you felt it was not your position to isolate that problem and bring it up, after all this was your fault, his problems were all caused by you and your decisions. “She won’t hate you, she’s three, she still doesn’t understand the concept of hate,” was what was said, before deciding it was probably not the best thing to tell him, his fears seemed unfounded to you, but to him it was valid. “She won’t hate you, you can just tell her what you are comfortable with. We don’t have to immediately throw everything at her, you can just meet her today, letting her know everything else can wait till later.” Words which you hoped would soothe the situation, calm his nerves, which oddly they did.

Watching Sohee in silence continued for a few more minutes, it was almost ten minutes later when the child noticed her mother was not sitting alone. A scream left her lips before she ran over, the child scaring both yourself and Sunghoon, not expecting her to do that, but she was so shocked at seeing someone else in the park, she was unable to stop herself from doing so. Finally reaching where you sat, she wrapped her arms around your leg, hiding on the side of the bench opposite from Sunghoon. “We don’t scream like that Sohee, that’s not nice.” You told her, the looks she was giving Sunghoon quickly turned into pouty glances up at you, her little hands clutching at your pants leg tightly. “This is…” you trailed off, unsure how to introduce him to the child, but luckily he picked up where you left off, even after all these years he still had the gift to finish your sentences.

“A friend of your moms,” Sunghoon quickly said, watching as you removed Sohee’s hands from your pants, placing her in your lap. The look the child stared up at him shifted, no longer was it a look of fear or terror, it was a look of confusion. From that look alone, he questioned whether he had messed up, seeing how it seemed as though she thought it was odd her mom had another friend. The confusion gave him a glimpse into how you must have been living since you were back, keeping a small circle, so few friends that a new one set off red flags to your daughter. Smiling at the child, he tried to keep her from being scared anymore than she already was. 

Sohee knew everyone in her mom’s life, after all they were basically a buy one get one free deal, since she would never go anywhere without her little Sohee. So, having a stranger claiming he was her friend was odd to your little girl. She knew everyone in your life, and honestly Sunghoon was not part of that, so you could not blame her for being scared of the tall unknown male. If she was older she would have immediately recognized some of her own features that were present on this ‘friends’ face, but being a child, she only knew the tall raven haired stranger was nothing but that, a stranger. “Friend?” Sohee’s soft voice questioned, as you nodded your head, trying to get her to warm up to him a bit more. 

Hearing her voice, Sunghoon felt as though his heart was going to collapse, his heartbeat was elevated and it felt as though it was being squeezed. Despite how much the child was identical to him in looks, he could easily tell her voice and attitude were all yours. Seeing how she questioned the friend part, he nodded his head as well. Moving from where he sat, he kneeled on the ground, allowing himself to look at Sohee from eye level. “Yeah, I’m your mom’s friend. I’m Sunghoon.” He said to the child, offering her a soft smile, before reaching his hand out, letting the small child take his hand. As Sohee clutched his hand, he felt a warmth spreading throughout his chest, it might have been three years too late, but her small hand attempted to shake his, like she had seen adults in her life do. Sunghoon felt a feeling he had not felt within his chest in many years, the last time he felt it was when he confessed his feelings to you all those years ago. The pure feeling of love was all that consumed his heart, and he hated to admit it, but even those feelings from years ago remained somewhat, despite all his attempts to rid himself of them.

“Sunghoon?” Sohee muttered, trying the name out. You knew she had never heard of that name, you were careful to never mention him to her. It was once your worst fear, the idea that she would want to meet her dad and she would choose him over you, or he would steal her away from you. But, as you watched Sohee’s small hand clutching around two of Sunghoon’s fingers, her trying her best to shake his hand, you felt regret filling your heart, he should have been able to have all these months when she was born, not three years later like an afterthought. “Sunghoon.” Sohee said again, much more confidently, but as she said it, part of your heart wished she was saying something else to address the man that once, and honestly still did own your heart. Sohee was quick to fling herself into his arms, hugging him as she did with most of her friends. Watching as Sunghoon was taken aback by the child’s actions, it reminded you of the first time she officially met Sunoo and Jungwon in a setting that was not just working on a project, how she projected herself at them like a rocket, scaring Sunoo half the death and he feared dropping the child, and causing Jungwon to have to breakout his extremely quick reaction time to keep from dropping her. 

Sunghoon was surprised when Sohee launched herself into his arms, hugging him, as she did, he heard her softly muttering the words Sunghoon and friend. Hearing that, he wished it was another word she was saying, but he knew it was best to not completely throw that onto her too early. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tight, feeling his heart swell with joy, the thought that the girl he was hugging in his arms was his daughter hit in full force, the thought that he helped create this beautiful life in his arms was all that filled his mind. Sunghoon released the child as she pulled back, jumping down before grabbing his hand, starting to tug him towards the playground.

“Friend play with me?” Sohee asked, starting to drag Sunghoon towards the playground, leaving you sitting on the bench watching the interaction. Sohee was always quick to make friends, and it warmed your heart as you watched her interacting with her father. Sunghoon stumbled along trying to keep up with the child while also bent over, you could tell he did not want to let his hand lose grip with her hand. Pulling your phone out, you watched as they started to play on the swings, Sohee was quick to tell Sunghoon how to push her on the swing and how high she wanted to go. Snapping some photos, you found yourself sending them to Sunghoon, along with Karina. 

Karina was the first person you told after Sunghoon left your house, she listened to you cry for hours about how he found out somehow. She simply calmed you down, telling you that he would have found out before long, and at least he knew now. As you sent the photos to her, all she replied with was a message saying ‘had you told him to start with, this would have more than likely been your life for the last three years’. The message hurt, you knew that Karina did not mean to harm you, but her words did. She was right, of course she was right, she was the one that advised you to tell him all those years ago, but instead you did not listen to her, instead thinking you knew best; which you sadly did not. Watching as Sohee giggled as Sunghoon pushed her higher, you knew that you made the wrong decision, you hurt both of them, and all you can do now is try to make things better.

This continued for hours, by the time Sunghoon was too tired to go on, the sun was low in the sky. Sohee was still as excited as ever, running circles around Sunghoon as he tried to keep up, watching her climbing up the slide with extreme speed before sliding back down. It was only when Sunghoon decided to sit that, that the two of you realized how late it was, deciding that it would be best to get Sohee home, and that you needed to meet up another day. Watching as Sohee hugged her friend goodbye, you could not help but softly smile at Sunghoon, watching as he hugged his daughter back. A scene that you could only hope would become more common, wanting it to occur more and more, hopefully a scene that would become a commonplace in your life, and his own.

Sohee was quick to fall asleep upon getting home, she barely had the energy to eat her dinner. However, you knew Sunghoon must be faring much worse, with how easily she dragged him around the playground with her. After she was asleep, plans were made with Sunghoon, the next week scheduling where and when to meet, before you yourself fell asleep. 

Waking up the next morning, the sight was one you never expected. The bed where Sohee had been the night before was empty, but as you heard giggling from the living room, you could only assume she had awoken early and immediately went to play. That thought was confirmed, as you entered the living room, Sohee already had her dolls spread out, playing with them, leaving you to make the decision to start on her breakfast. Simply having a day at home, you felt that it would be best to give Sunghoon a day to recover after being with her yesterday, so instead of meeting up today, it was decided you would meet up tomorrow. 

In the middle of fixing Sohee her breakfast you heard a slight giggling, followed by the shuffle of small feet. Thinking nothing of it, it was not until her soft voice spoke that you noticed she had something in her hand. “Mommy kiss Sunghoon?” She said, questioning, holding what seemed like a sheet of paper in her hand. Turning to her, you were confused, at no point did you ever tell her about your relationship with Sunghoon, keeping him as a friend, and that was all he was to her. But, seeing a familiar picture in the child’s hand, you found yourself remembering that day all those years ago.

Taking the photo out of Sohee’s hand, you saw the photo from your first pair program. The two of you had just won gold, you had been officially in a flirtationship for about two months at this time, and upon winning you could not stop yourself, kissing Sunghoon just after you left the ice. It was the night that you two became official, the night that officially started what would become your relationship. Taking the photo and placing it on the table, you said nothing about to her, instead deciding to get her to focus on something else. “Breakfast is almost ready, go wash your hands.” 

Unbeknownst to you, a small hand snatched the photo from the table the moment you turned back to focus on what you were cooking. Sohee went upstairs, putting the photo in her little backpack, before returning to the small purple and silver box she was looking through before going downstairs. She grabbed another photo, once again a photo of Sunghoon and yourself; the two of you cuddled up on the sofa, a picture your mother had taken on one of your many movie dates. Sohee washed her hands before returning downstairs, putting another picture on the table for you to see. 

Putting a plate in front of Sohee, you saw the photo she brought to the table, at that point, you had already forgotten about the other photo. Seeing the photo, you knew she was going through the box in your bedroom, you decided to immediately put it up on a shelf she can not reach, the next time you went into your bedroom. Breakfast went without a hitch, and soon you were in your bedroom, taking the box and placing it back onto the top shelf where it belonged. The box of memories away from your thoughts, and away from Sohee’s prying eyes. The rest of the day flew by without a problem.

After that, meet ups with Sunghoon became regular things, allowing him to get to know more about Sohee, and her becoming more and more comfortable around him. After about a month you found yourself at the park again, it was finally a day warm enough to subject Sunghoon to the pain he went through the first time he officially met her. You knew that little Sohee would probably do the same exact thing, and that you should probably pick up some pain patches for him, as a preemptive apology for what the three year old is about to put him through. 

What you expected, is exactly what happened. Sunghoon had just arrived at the park, and he was already being pulled away to push Sohee and another little girl she had met at the park on the swings. Watching the three of them, your mind started to remind you how that could have been your life; a handsome boyfriend, honestly probably a husband at this point, and a few beautiful children. You were so zoned out watching them, you did not even notice that someone had taken a seat next to you, the mother of the little girl Sohee had quickly declared her best friend the moment she had arrived at the park. It was not until you heard her voice, that you noticed she was even beside you, “You have a beautiful daughter and what an amazing husband,” she said, watching as Sunghoon was being chased by the two girls at this point, he became the victim in whatever game the girls were playing.

“Thank you,” you started, then her words hit you, husband, he was not even your boyfriend at that point, let alone your husband. “He’s not my husband though.” Was how you finished your statement, letting her know the honest truth, but she only reacted with a gasp. At that you expected a lecture about having a child out of wedlock, or about having a child young and out of wedlock. But, instead she was just shocked, especially given the way he looked at you.

The mother gasped in shock, she had been observing how Sunghoon stared at his daughter and at you, like the two of you put the stars in his night sky, like he was nothing more than the dark void, and the two of you were the stars and moon that brought light to his life. “Well, the way I’ve noticed your boyfriend looking at you, I’m sure that ring will be coming soon.” The mom said, before standing, going to get her kid to go home. “I’ve never seen a man stare at someone in such a way, like he’d give everything to see you two smile.” She said, before calling her daughter over, announcing it was time to leave.

You had no chance to correct her, she was already gone by the time you thought of what she said. It was only then that you noticed what she said was true. The way he started at both yourself and Sohee, it was not with anger like you would expect, it was with love. But you knew that after all these years, you announcing you were still in love with would probably be the last thing he wanted. It was during this time that you noticed Sohee coming over to where you sat, quickly taking her little backpack from where it was placed besides you, before running back over to Sunghoon. Luckily the two of them were only about ten feet away from you, allowing you to enjoy the spectacle and show Sohee was giving. A laugh slipped past your lips as she started to show Sunghoon her collection of items, bottle caps she decided are pretty, a big rock she found on the way to the park this morning, and other items. 

You could only imagine how Sunghoon felt as she pulled out a familiar item, the sweet little grey bunny with its long ears. As Sunghoon looked around Sohee to where you sat, you knew he remembered it as well. It was once something you slept with each and every night, it reminded you of Sunghoon, and would always be with you, even when he could not be. Now, it remained in Sohee’s grasp, she slept with it each and every night, she had a part of him with her all the time, even if neither of them knew it. 

The little show and tell she was giving Sunghoon was adorable, until she got to the end of her bag and pulled something out that you had long forgotten. The photo from all those weeks ago. The photo from your first program, honestly that moment is probably what led to Sohee in the first place, if you wanted to be completely serious. Sohee was quick to load her backpack back up, before leaving it with Sunghoon as she ran off to play on the slide some more. You did not want to, staring at Sohee instead of him, but you noticed his labored steps, he walked slowly towards you, staring at the picture in his hand.

Once he finally sat down beside you, only then did he break the uncomfortable silence, “I still remember that night.” Was all he said, before putting the backpack beside you, leaning down resting his elbows on his knees as he turned to look at you. “I still think about that night all the time,” you nodded as you listened to him, seeing his face light up as you yourself admitted to thinking about it as well.

“We’re not the same people we were when we fell in love,” you started, staring down at the picture in his hand. “We were so carefree, we were in high school, nothing to worry about except tests and skating.” You said to him, your eyes shifting back to Sohee, this conversation was not one you expected to have today, but here you were having.

Sunghoon nodded his head, turning to fully put all of his attention on you. “We definitely aren’t the same people.” He said, turning his attention to Sohee. Back then you two were the it couple, the perfect pair. But now, the two of you were willing co-parents if anything. 

“But I am still in love with you,” was all that came out to start with, you unsure of what else to say. Fear that he would reject you filled your veins, the idea that he would laugh in your face, or make fun of you for these feelings after all these years filled your mind. Yet, you found yourself unable to stop, needing to get these feelings out, knowing if you did not do it now, you would go it never. “Are you still in love with me?”

Sunghoon thought he was hallucinating to start with, the words you said, he had to be imagining them. Three years had been spent hoping to hear that again, to hear your sweet voice tell him that he loved you, but now that it was, he found himself afraid to get hurt again. “I don’t,” was all he said to start, he immediately regretted his word choice as he saw your eyes quickly fill with tears. 

You stood up, wanting to get away as quickly as possibly, he had rejected you, and all those thoughts in your mind reminded you of how stupid you were. You thought that you would come back, introduce him to his daughter, confess your love for him after all these years, and he would say it back and you would live happily ever after. But this is real life, not some stupid fairy tale you tell Sohee to get her to sleep, and the princess and prince do not always end up together in real life. 

Sunghoon was shocked at your sudden move, he quickly stood up, walking after you, grabbing your hand to stop you in your tracks. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” He said, finishing his whole thought this time. “I always wanted you to be my end game, even after you left I never was able to move on, no one felt like you, they all just felt like placeholders as I waited for you to return with the other half of my heart.” He told you, pulling you closer to his body, taking both of your hands, and holding them in between the two of you. “But, I don’t know if I can trust you like I once did.”

Hearing his words, you felt your heart ache. He never stopped loving you, but you hurt him in a way he felt like he could not trust you to not do it again. “Give me a chance.” Being all that left your lips, as you stepped closer to him. This was your chance, your heart and your head were aligned for once, wanting nothing more than to rekindle the love and joy you once felt from this man. Despite the fear you once felt, now the only thing that lingered was the desire to be back within his arms, to be loved by him once more, to be his once again. Those three past years had been long years without him, and now that he was back in your life, you would not let him get away again. No longer would you make decisions based on what you think is best for those around you, instead you would listen to your heart, picking what is best for you.

“A chance for what?” Sunghoon asked, as he watched you. He really wanted everything to be like it once was, but those feelings in his head would not let his heart be happy, reminding him of how easily you left him the first time, and how easily you probably would again. He never even moved on when you left him the first time, he was broken, literally and physically. He never was able to go out with another person, none of them compared to you, they all seemed lackluster in comparison to you. He was broken when you left the first time, but if you played him again, left him again, he was unsure of what would happen then; but, he knew it would be worse, much worse than the first time around. 

Staring into his eyes, you found yourself saying words you never imagined you would say. You never thought he would even take a chance to hear you out, let alone allow you to pour your heart out to him. “A chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. A chance to prove to you that I still love you. A chance to prove to you that I’m not gonna run this time. A chance to prove to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” You said to him, wanting to say so much more to him, wanting to open up your heart and pour your feelings out to him. Let your heart flow unabridged, words flowing without a filter, but you kept it in, knowing you did not want to scare him off. You left him once already, knowing Sunghoon how you did, he was probably more worried about it happening again. Yet, you knew deep within your heart, if he allowed you to own part of his heart once more, to hold his hand once more, to be on his side, you would never leave. 

At your words, Sunghoon was torn. His mind and his heart tearing him into two different directions. His heart was quick to remind him of how much he once loved you, how much he still loved you. It reminded him of those days as young teenagers, how in love you were in that time, how your hand would fit into his like puzzle pieces that belonged together, how you would always sit in his lap and fall asleep on his shoulder, how in those times he felt like he wanted that forever and everything. But his brain was more of a realist, quick to say she broke your heart once and she will do it again, reminding him of how he shattered his leg when you left the first time. It reminded him of how when he needed you most, you were nowhere to be found, his phone number blocked and you left the country in order to avoid him. Despite the convincing arguments from his brain, he decided to do something he never thought he would. Staring into your eyes, he found himself remembering those days all those years ago, staring into your eyes until you would blush and look away, remembering the slight flush that would come upon your features as he stared. For once, he chose his heart, deciding that he might as well give it another chance, things would be different this time, afterall it was not just yourself and him in his situation, but little Sohee as well. You allowed him to form a relationship with your daughter, and now he felt that you wanted to reform your relationship with him. Sunghoon found himself nodding, “One chance,” He simply said, smiling down at you. Finding himself thinking things that he had not thought about for years, but this time all the dates you would go on had another meaning, since it would not just be yourself and him, but instead your daughter as well. And he was destined to not let you go again, nor would he let you take his daughter with you again.

Sunghoon may have offered you one chance, but the genuine truth is that he would give you a million chances. You could leave him broken once more, and he would still be willing to give you another chance. You could do anything, and he would always be willing to give you another chance. He was down bad for you since the moment he first kissed you all those years ago, and even now nothing has changed, he would do anything for you, and would let you do anything to him. He hoped one chance would be enough, seeing the look in your eyes, he felt that you felt the same as he did, wanting nothing more than to be with him forever. Since, honestly, he wanted nothing more than to be with you for his forever, you were his forever, even if you just took a little break in between.

Hearing his words, it was as though every cell in your body came to a stop. It took you a minute to realize what he had said, he did not laugh in your face and tell you no, he did not turn around and leave you right where you stood, he instead said one chance. The memories of how you left him all those years ago made you believe he would have not given you even the time to speak, you know if the positions were switched, you probably would not have given him any extra chances. Yet, you had one chance, and all you could think was that is all you need. You would never leave him again, you would never want to break your own heart again, like you did before. Your place is with him, and that was something you had realized, and would make sure it was a place you would stay. “That’s all I need,” muttered under your breath, a smile coming to your face, your gaze shifting from the photo in his hand to look up at him. You would never admit it, but you wanted those days back, the days in the photo. The days when Sunghoon and yourself were inseparable, the days when you spent more time in his arms than out of them, the days where the only worries you had were skating and tests and trying not to get caught making out in the hallway by the teachers. Those days were so simple, so easy, and you missed when your love was carefree and a breeze like that. 

Getting ready to say something else, you however were interrupted as something ran between the two of you, quickly grabbing Sunghoon’s hand and dragging him off. A laugh fell from your lips as you watched him try to keep up with Sohee, she decided it was time for him to play with her again. Making your way back to the bench, the thoughts of being a proper family filled your mind, the idea of Sohee not only having a mother at home, but also a father, her father. It would not be the picture perfect life you once planned, but it would be perfect for what is your life. Breaking his heart once was not in the original plan, and breaking it a second time definitely was not in the new and improved plan. 

Watching the two of them play, the only thought plaguing your mind was whether this would be good for Sohee. As she dragged Sunghoon around the playground, you finally thought for a second that maybe this was not the best for everyone, as much as you wanted it to be, what if Sohee reacted badly to this. Sohee only knew Sunghoon as your friend, what if she reacted negatively to the fact he is actually her father, what if she reacted negatively towards him and you attempted to date again. What if the best thing for her was to just continue being a single mother, focus on her, with no other interruptions. 

Those thoughts did not have time to dwell however, as you found yourself being dragged from the bench. Sohee brings you over to the swings, where she had left Sunghoon. She was quick to push you towards one of the many swings, before taking a seat herself. “Sunghoon push swings.” Sohee called out, starting to giggle as he pushed her on the swing she was seated on. Watching her, it was these moments that you treasured, the sweet little moments with her, these moments would hopefully turn into sweet little moments with her and Sunghoon. You did not have much time to think about that however, as Sohee’s voice broke your eardrums once more. “Mommy swing too. Sunghoon push mommy too.” 

Unable to resist your sweet child’s call for you to join her, you sat on the swing finally, smiling softly as she started to laugh even more. It did not take long for Sunghoon’s hands to push against your back, pushing you on the swing as he did Sohee. He alternated between pushing Sohee and yourself, and he just did every little thing that Sohee told him to do. It was in that moment you realized, he was not going to leave easily, as he listened and accommodated each and every one of her little demands. She was quick to yell higher, only to yell too high, lower, not that low, faster, not that fast, slower, but not that slow. She was indecisive, and it was honestly adorable as he tried to swing her perfectly like she wanted, the task seeming impossible. 

As he pushed you again, once Sohee had decided he was doing it perfectly, you found yourself remembering all those years ago. When you were in high school and would find your way to the playground after practice, the two of you swinging on the swings while holding hands, knowing that you only had an hour before curfew. The two of you would enjoy your time together each time, talking while trying to swing at the same speed, sharing thoughts about school, your programs, and what you should do on your next free day. He would push you on the swings, teasing you with how high he could push you before you started to cry for him to not push you so high, the smile that would come to his face before he would kiss you as an apology filled your mind. Sohee quickly grew bored and ran off, so Sunghoon continued to push you, after a few pushes, you felt his hands on your waist. With that feeling, you found yourself turning back to view him, his eyes were glazed over as he stared at you, that alone let you know he was thinking of the same thing. As you made eye contact, you were both quick to look away, he moved back allowing the swing the stop, the two of you were quick to refocus your attention on Sohee. By then, the rambunctious toddler was ready to go, as the three of you left the park, you found yourself deciding that you would never make the same mistakes again; you would focus on your happiness, and he being in your life was the most important part of it.

It was odd seeing Karina and Sakura within your house after so many weeks, life had caught the three of you. Your usual weekly hangout sessions had been cut, Karina’s boss often wanting her to cover shifts at work, while Sakura was busy with a project in another class. Yet, today the three of you found yourself sitting on the sofa of your living room. Sohee was playing happily with her toys, not paying any mind to the three of you and your conversation, or so you thought. “How are things going? I know this must have been a massive change for you.” Karina absent mindedly asked, she knows how you honestly probably would have never told him, had someone not texted him that photo of you all. 

Sitting in silence for a moment, you weighed the options of what your words would mean to the two of them. They knew everything, and how you described things would either excite them, especially Karina and her idea that her favorite couple is getting back together, or it would put them both into a sad mood for the rest of the night. While you knew Sunghoon was only giving you a chance, you were so happy for that, honestly, within the deepest recesses of your mind, you could only hope that Karina’s idea would be the one coming true. “He gets along with her so well,” was how you started, sparing a glance at the preoccupied child before continuing, “She really does like him, granted, they mostly only hang out for a few hours, she really loves having him around. I honestly think he is ready and willing to fully take his position as her father, yet, I don’t want to rush anything or throw too much at him too quickly.” It was difficult to admit, your previously preconceived idea of what you needed to raise Sohee only had two variables, herself and you, but honestly, maybe you needed all three of you all along, you were just too stupid to realize it all those years ago. 

Shock graced both Sakura and Karina’s faces, they were amazed at your words, shocked at what you just shared with them. “He wants to just forget everything and be her dad?” Sakura asked, confusion falling across her features, as soon as the shock left. It seemed like a dumb idea as well, you hid her away from him for three years, but now that he knows of her, he wants to go back to how it should have been, he wants to be there for her like he should have been all along.

With a simple nod, it was an idea you found hard to believe as well. Most men your age would have run the opposite direction, happy to live childfree for however many years more, until they felt ready for the concept of fatherhood. Yet, here Sunghoon was ready to step into it after only a month of knowing the child, well a month of knowing he had a child, a month of knowing his child. “I just don’t want to mess anything up. He agreed to give me another chance, and I just don’t want to make any mistakes. Like I fully didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him face to face again, and he gave me a second chance, and I just don’t want to mess anything up for their relationship. Like what if I go too quick and he gets scared? What if we get together, Sohee gets used to calling him dad, just for him to decide this isn’t for him? I just, I don’t know what to do.” 

As you started explaining your thoughts, Karina was quick to pull you into her side, Sakura started to rub your arm at the same time. “I genuinely think he’s not going to do that,” Karina stated to tell you, “He was absolutely enamored with you when you were in high school. I remember the first time I saw you two together in high school, I honestly thought to myself he would probably propose to you the moment you started college, even then I could see the love in his eyes. You two were always my ideal couple, and even now, I think everything will be fine. If he looks at Sohee with half the adoration he used to look at you with, I just know she’s going to have a wonderful dad.” 

“Just don’t be scared, you did what you thought was best, he needs to understand that. If he feels the same way you do, then there is nothing to worry about, things will happen that are supposed to, and everything will fall into place as it should be.” Sakura picked up as Karina paused, giving you a little speech of her own. “While I did not know you in high school, from how everyone has described it, he loved you then, he probably loves you now, and he’ll probably still love you in the future. I don’t think he’d leave you and Sohee for anything, and I think if everything Karina says is true, then you’ll be a lovely family.”

With a simple nod, you found yourself resting in their arms, the three of you all intertwined as the conversation changed to them. As the conversation droned on, a little pair of ears had been listening all along, it was not eavesdropping when it was yourself they were talking about. Sohee had caught parts of the conversation, not many, but enough to know some new things, the words she caught being Sunghoon and dad. Sohee may only have been three, but she knew she was not like the other children she often played with at the park. They would oftentimes have two parents watching them, while she only had one. They should ask her where her father is, to which she would reply she only had a mother. But hearing this talk, the three year old’s little mind was made up, and she knew what she needed to do. Had the three of you known about a pair of little eavesdropping ears, you would have spoken with more tact, choose your words better to leave no room for miscommunications. Yet, Sohee was usually so enamored with her little toys, you paid her presence no mind, as the three of you conversed.

Before you knew it, it was a Friday night, luckily you had managed to talk Sunghoon into going out with you, the whole give me a chance thing. It was odd, once upon a time dates with him came with ease. You would pick your outfit without a second thought, you would be ready and waiting by the time he would arrive at your house, and you would spend time with him without a second of worry crossing your mind. Yet, here you were staring at your closet, unsure what to wear, it was like you were going on a first date again for the first time in forever. It was tempting to call Karina upstairs from where she was in the living room, watching Sohee for you this evening, but you knew it she came, Sohee would follow, and so would her little questions. Instead of having to explain to your daughter where you were going tonight, you instead decided to make the decision yourself, hoping that maybe you would make Sunghoon’s heart skip a beat and the butterflies within his stomach erupt like you once did before. 

Staring at yourself in the mirror, you had little time to contemplate your choice of clothing, since as you touched your hair up, a message shone on your phone. He was outside, waiting for you, reading his quick ‘I’m here’ text sent you back to all those nights years ago. You would hear his car down the road before you would hear him knocking upon your house door, rushing downstairs trying to keep him from having to talk to your parents for too long, really it was trying to keep your parents from saying anything embarrassing before you made it downstairs. Running out the door with him, hand in hand, as he would help you into his car, before making his way to the driver's door. He would always make sure to reach over, buckling you in, unless you had already done it. All those years ago you were always his passenger princess, he allowed you to do nothing but sit beside him and enjoy yourself as he drove wherever you desired, the only thing you had to focus on was playing the right music that the two of you could sing along to while he drove. Yet, this was not all those carefree years ago, it was now, and now you had a lot of worries, you had a lot of things to care about, and most of all you had the worry of messing up once again, fumbling what you once thought was your future, possibly forever.

Rushing downstairs, it was like all those nights years ago, yet this time you were rushing to keep Sohee from realizing someone was here, rather than to keep your parents from embarrassing you. “He’s here,” you shortly told Karina, before leaning down and giving Sohee a kiss on the forehead. “Mommy will be back later, you’ll be good for Aunty Karina right?” you asked the child, watching her nod, not even paying attention to you, yet, you knew you had nothing to worry about. Finally exiting the house, there he stood, Sunghoon in all his glory. During his high school days he would have been wearing some worn jeans and that old hoodie of his, but now here he stood wearing black slacks and a nice button down shirt, a clear sign that things had changed, time had moved on, and things were not all the same. Yet, you knew you were not dressed as you once would have either, instead of his oversized sweater and a pair of leggings, there you stood wearing a dress, since time had not only passed for him, but also yourself. 

Walking up to him, he was quick to open the door for you, allowing you to enter the vehicle, before he made his way to the driver’s side. No longer did he own that run down car that barely ran and was always threatening to give out on him, instead he was behind the wheel of a newer-ish vehicle, it made no rattling noises as it came to a start. Fastening your seatbelt, you barely heard a noise thinking nothing of it, assuming it was maybe just the vehicle, yet it was not. Sunghoon had muttered to himself, “You look beautiful,” but as you did not respond, he did not press the issue. Unlike all those nights you spent together years ago, this time, there was an awkward air about. The air reeked of unease, the uncertainty feeling flowed between the two of you, unsure of what was to happen this night, what was to happen between the two of you, should you even be trying to get back together, and just so many other what if’s. 

As Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed his hand finding its usual spot on the center console, it was like muscle memory, your hand found its way into his. The two of you sat like that for a good two or three minutes, before what you were doing hit you. Both of you were quick to wrench your hand from the other’s grasp, “I’m sorry,” You were quick to say, shifting to stare out the window, as you moved your hands into your lap, nails starting to stab into the palms of your hands, as you tried to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand once more.

“We probably shouldn’t,” Sunghoon said as you spoke as well, your words all becoming flustered and jumbled. Despite how badly he wants to, he also knows within his heart, it is best to wait, to not get ahead of himself, to not try to revert back to how things were too quickly. Despite how badly he wants nothing more than to hold your hand, pull you into a bone crushing hug, and smother your beautiful face with his kisses as he once would have, he knew better, and he knew that he should not let himself get too excited. As badly as he wanted to take himself back to all those days years ago, he knew better than to indulge in those thoughts.

The silence was comfortable as you held hands, but now as the two of you tried to keep your minds from going back to those high school days, the silence was no longer comfortable. The silence was almost smothering, it was thick and harsh around the two of you. Neither of you spoke, maybe it was fear of saying something you would regret or maybe it was fear of saying something you would not regret but should not be saying so quickly. Vision blurred as he drove along, the buildings were just blurs of random colors as the city passed by through your window. It was not until you saw him turning into a familiar road that it hit you, where he was taking you, the diner. 

The diner was a place of memories, it was where you had your first official meeting all those years ago, where you had your first date, and sadly also where the two of you had your last date before you left Sunghoon all those years ago. Moving back here, you completely forgot about this place, it held too many memories for you to want to be within its walls once more. He would never admit it, however Sunghoon felt the same way you did, it was three years since the last time he was at the diner as well, unable to return within its walls once again like you were. The place held too many happy memories for both of you, memories than neither of you wanted to bring up once you were apart. Yet, here you were, on another first date, and honestly it was fitting, where it started it also ended, and all you could hope was that once it started again, it would not have an ending this time. 

As his car came to a stop, the look of familiarity crossed your features, as he gazed at you. Sunghoon had driven to the diner without thinking much, it was such an integral part of your history, it was as though his brain slipped into autopilot mode as he was on his way here. Initially, he thought of going elsewhere, but seeing the fond look upon your face, he was glad he did not. 

Sunghoon exited the vehicle, being quick to come to your side of the car, opening the car door for you. Leaving the car, it felt like being teleported back into being high schoolers, the two of you walking arm in arm into the diner, the familiar decor was like home, even the waitress was the same as the one from all those years ago. It was nice seeing a smile graced her face as she quickly came over to your table, if it was not for the stray grey hairs in her hair, you would have assumed time stood still within the diner, as it appeared just as you last remembered it. The waitress quickly took your orders, and probably would have started to talk your ears off, had her boss not caught her attention and made her walk away to do her work. The silence was awkward for a moment, neither of you wanting to break the silence, or maybe neither of you knew how to break the silence. The feeling of sitting across from him reminded you of all those years ago, when you two had just been paired together, forced to work together against your will. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” Sunghoon’s voice muttered, he being the first to break the uncomfortable silence the two of you had been sitting in. “Yet, it seems like nothing has changed,” He added, having the same exact thoughts you had when you entered.

After a moment of silence, you finally responded, “It’s like it was all those years ago, almost makes me feel like we are back in high school again.” The words fell out before you could stop them, your habit of speaking without thinking coming out at that moment. While it might have been like you were in high school again, you were anything but, no longer was it easy nights spent hanging out with Sunghoon or Karina, studying together and preparing for tests as a group. No longer was the work easy and the skating practice sessions hard. No longer did your life revolve around school, skating, and Sunghoon. Yet, you would not mind if it did once more, yet only adding another s into the mix, Sohee. 

Sunghoon felt the words as you said them, he almost felt the same, it was like stepping back in time, yet you were not teleported back to those carefree days. “Yet, we aren’t. Things were so easy back then, so simple, yet now everything just isn’t.” With that, he trailed off unsure of what to say honestly, since so many things had changed. Time was spent doing college work instead of high school homework. Time was spent at jobs instead of skating practice. Time was spent raising Sohee instead of hanging with your friends. Your life at this time was college, Sohee, and work. 

“It’s all my fault,” You muttered under your breath, knowing he felt this way due to yourself. “I just thought it would be easier for the both of us if I left. I thought it would make all the puzzle pieces click into place, and the next time I would see you would be on my television skating in the Olympics.” 

Sunghoon was quick to shake his head, “It’s my fault as well, I should have noticed something was off before you left. I should have been able to stop you from leaving.” He said, a thought that has marred his mind since you revealed why you left, he should have been able to tell something was wrong, he should have been able to know you were pregnant before you left, he should have stopped you from leaving. “I just keep thinking about how different things would have been if I fought harder for you.” 

With that thought, it was your turn to shake your head, “It’s not your fault, even if you fought harder, I still would have left. I just thought I was doing everything right, it broke me to leave you just as much as me leaving you broke you. I just thought at the time it was what was right, I thought that running away would be the best thing. I never thought about how you would truly feel, I only thought about how happy I wanted to see you achieving your dreams.” The words were slow to slip out, it took you a while to find how you wanted to word everything. The game of verbal tetris you were playing with your brain was irritating, the words finally coming out, at least the best they could at the time. 

“I just wished you would have let me know, I would have found a new dream for you,” Sunghoon replied, but seeing the look on your face, he did not press the issue. “That’s enough of that. We’ve said it repeatedly, we can’t do anything about it now, we just need to move on. I want to know what happened to you while you were gone, you know what I did, I shattered my leg, quit skating, and found myself unable to move on.” 

It was a thought you knew would come soon, yet you were still unsure how to answer the question, “I started college, I had Sohee, I raised Sohee, and that’s pretty much it. I could never move on from you either, no else just seemed to compare, everyone was subpar when I would think of them in comparison to you. I honestly did not even try, since no one compares to you. Maybe it was the delusions in my mind, but I like to think it’s the reality of you, giving me such high standards, no one can measure up.” Maybe it was wrong of you to reveal that to him, yet you felt no remorse, he needed to know how you felt.

Sunghoon found it hard to believe, while he never attempted to move on, since no matter what girl the boys showed him, none of them made him feel like you had; he found it hard to believe you never tried to move on. Yet, hearing your words, he felt it, he finally understood why. All these years, he thought he was the only one down so badly, he thought that you had probably moved on, found a man way better than he was, and was living happily ever after with your new man. Yet, no, you were in the same situation he was, so in love with someone to the point no one else could win your heart. Even after all these years, the distance, the betrayal, and everything; you two were still just two love sick fools waiting for a chance to be as you once were, and Sunghoon knew once the trust was finally built up between the two of you again, it would be just as it was all those years before. “No one was ever as beautiful as you. None of them ever made my heart beat as fast as you did. And none of them ever made me feel like butterflies were in my stomach begging to get out. Only you ever did that, and none of the other women they tried to set me up with, or introduce me to, ever made me feel even a tenth of how you made me feel.”

Your hand was quick to find him, he gave you a reassuring squeeze as you placed your hand within his. “I don’t ever plan on giving you up again. I should have never left all those years ago. I realize all my mistakes, and no matter how much I try, my heart has and will always be longing for you. I’ll spend as long as it takes to earn your trust back, I’ll do whatever it takes, since I’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll allow me by your side, I’ll stay there.” Gazing up at his face, all you could think of was how you would make sure he never feels pain from your actions again, Sunghoon was willing to still love you after all these years, and you were going to make sure he never regrets that decision.

After that, the conversation felt a lot more natural throughout the date, it almost was like it was all those years ago. Leaving the diner, Sunghoon was quick to drop you off home, reminding you of the first date he took you on all those years ago. He was terrified of your parents being mad at him for keeping you out, so he brought you home directly after the date, making sure you were home well before curfew. As you watched him leave through the window of your front door, you were quick to remember how you had not kissed him that night, he had kissed you, and part of you wondered when you would feel his lips gracing yours once more.

Sunghoon was quick to adapt to a schedule with you, date nights on Friday night, park dates with Sohee on Saturday, and skating dates with Sohee on Sunday. Quickly it turned from you always accompanying the two of them, to Sunghoon insisting on taking her alone, claiming he wanted to spend time with her daughter even if you were not there. It was joyous watching as she grew closer and closer to her father, even if she did not know the man was her father, she oftentimes coming home with stories of what the two of them did at the park, usually her dragging Sunghoon around to play as he barely kept up with the child, or her telling you of all the tricks Sunghoon did while skating, and how cool it was, and how she could not want to do those exact tricks one day. 

Sohee was quick to understand that you were dating Sunghoon, not really understanding the concept of dating, but she knew you loved him based on the two of you kissing once in front of her. At some point, the three of you started looking like a proper family, the family you always wanted for little Sohee, the family she would have had to start with, had you not been so stupid as to move away and hide her from him. Despite that, as your love with Sunghoon bloomed once more, his heart blossomed with love for his two girls, quickly taking to the position of being Sohee’s father. Sohee just loved the fact that both of the people in her life could skate and would take her skating, it also did not hurt Sunghoon would oftentimes take her out for sweets after their skating time was done either.

As the cherry blossoms started to bloom Sunghoon had the idea to take you on a date to the park, he always promised to take you to where the cherry blossoms bloomed when you were in high school, yet your skating schedules never allowed him to do so. As he planned a romantic picnic in the park, he knew you would love it, sweet dates like that were always your favorite. He could give you the choice between an expensive luxury three star Michelin restaurant, and a sweet picnic date featuring finger sandwiches he made and your favorite dessert from the cafe, and you would always pick the latter. Nothing brought joy to you as much as him putting in effort, he making food for you, he remembering to pick up your favorite tiramisu from that one little cafe, anyone could buy a meal at a restaurant, but you loved the little things he did for you. 

Sitting on the large soft blue checkered blanket, you watched with nothing but adoration as Sunghoon pulled item after item from the dark brown picnic basket he had bought. Item after item decorating the blanket, a favorite of yours, a favorite of his, a favorite of both of yours. It was the ideal date, it was simple, but you loved that, it was something you could replicate any day with little money and little effort. Sunghoon remembered how you always talked about loving picnics, how a picnic and star gazing was your favorite date, and maybe that was what he had in mind when he planned this date. At the time, the weather was clear, and he assumed it would be a lovely time to do all of that. He planned to eat the picnic, take a stroll in the falling cherry blossoms, and then end the night stargazing with you. He would not admit it, but he already had some cheesy pickup lines ready to go, the stars might be beautiful but not as beautiful as you, the stars might be bright but not as bright as the stars in your eyes, and many other things already to go. 

The joy on your face as the two of you started to eat warmed Sunghoon’s heart, the little comments on how he remembered you liked this and you liked that, of course he would, even if he tried, he would be unable to forget all those little details he loves about you. The joy did not fade either, as soon the two of you were walking hand in hand, putting the picnic basket and blanket in his car, before continuing on into the park. Soon you were underneath the cherry blossoms, the sheer beauty of the scene gripping your heart, reminding you of the scenes in movies. The highly dramatic scenes where the main characters take a walk under the falling cherry blossoms, Sunghoon and yourself being the main characters in this scene. 

A laugh slipped from your lips as you felt the falling flowers making contact with your hair, looking up at Sunghoon, you found yourself staring into his eyes, seeing the flowers in his hair making him look even more beautiful than usual, if that was possible. Gazing up into his eyes, you found yourself muttering, as you pressed yourself against him. “I’ve fallen like a fool for you, every time I think I’m in too deep, I fall even further every time you look at me.” Being all you said, before your eyes found their way to his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, yet not wanting to be the one to make the first move.

“I never really understood all the talk about love, but even after all these years, just staring into your eyes, I think I'm starting to understand it now, and I don’t ever plan on letting you go again.” Sunghoon muttered, his lips just centimeters from your own, but not daring to press against yours, despite how much his brain yelled at him to do so. The intrusive thoughts within his brain quickly won the power struggle going on in his mind, as his hands moved from holding yours, to cupping your cheeks, “You, you’re the one I love.” Yet, he refused to allow the thoughts in his brain to win as they begged him to kiss you, he instead asking, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Staring into his eyes would usually send your brain into flashbacks of all those years ago, the time in high school where it was just you and him, yet now, your brain floods with ideas of the future, of your life together, of being a proper family. As he repeatedly confessed his love for you, it felt as though things were finally falling into place, you had already exposed your own love for him so many times ago, yet he was more cautious not wanting to be hurt again, but his words gave you everything you needed from him in that moment. Even after hurting him so long ago, you found your way to once again own his heart, and yours never left his ownership. “What would I do if you kissed me?” You repeated, “I would kiss you back,” was added shortly after, wanting nothing more than for him to do exactly that. “I want you to kiss me here, right now.” Was muttered as your lips were now almost against his own. 

Sunghoon was quick to press his lips against your own, any space that was between the two of you quickly disappeared. His actions spoke much louder than any words he said could have in that moment, he started to smile into the kiss as he felt your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him as close to you as he could be. Sunghoon’s own hands moved from cupping your face running down your sides, claiming their place around your waist, pulling you against him as best as he could. The sparks he always felt when kissing you were felt once more, the butterflies within his stomach erupted, and while you would not tell him, you were feeling the same, nothing but joy and love filling your heart as the two of you kissed. It felt as though time was frozen as the two of you kissed, all those repressed feelings and emotions bleeding into the kiss. Three years apart did nothing but make the heart grow fonder, make your emotions and love for one another stronger, and leave your minds with the thoughts that you should have never left, while Sunghoon’s mind was flooded with the idea that he should have followed you, he should have fought harder, he should have never let you leave him. “Your lips taste the same, how I’ve missed them” Sunghoon muttered against yours, the second part of his sentence being nothing more than a whisper, as he finally pulled back, the lack of oxygen finally getting to the point you needed to part.

“For you I’d steal the stars,” You muttered back to him, your lips just barely away from his. As the two of you stood there, slightly panting, trying to catch your breath, you found yourself shifting under his gaze, wanting nothing more than to continue kissing him, to make your lips meet his once more. “Stop looking at me like that or I'm gonna kiss you.” You said to him, ready to completely fold under his gaze, and you quickly did, reconnecting your lips to his once more feeling as he smirked into the kiss, you felt nothing but the state of needing him more and more, unable to fathom the idea of going without him for a single second longer. You were the stars in his night sky, as he was your moon within the same sky, and apart neither of you thrived, you belonged together, you completed each other, you were the stars to his moon. 

Your lips were quick to meet his, the soft flesh gently met, the kiss was currently delicate and tender; yet, as the two of you continued, it escalated quickly. The kiss shifted from soft and languid, to frantic and heated. The two of you were unable to get enough, the kiss becoming impatient and fiery, the hunger coming out, no longer did it feel familiar, a new level of desire coming to the surface as it quickly became sloppy and aggressive. No longer were the two of you apprehensive and nervous, quickly becoming eager and greedy as the kiss continued, wanting nothing more than the other as close as they could be. Lips changed from being pressed against each other gently, to crushing together, to devouring as you attempted to explore one another, needing more and more as hands clung to clothing, wanting to erase all space between the two of you, needing to be closer, since close was not close enough. Hearts palpitating as one of your hands clutched at the collar of Sunghoon’s shirt, palms sweating as your fingers on one hand tangled within Sunghoon’s hair, cheeks burning as Sunghoon’s arm circles around your waist, blood rushing through your veins while his other hand found its way between your shoulder blades. The kiss continued feverishly, all the emotions that you had held for the last three years flooding out into the kiss, you two just wanting more and more of each other, unable to ever get your fill. Finally parting, you found his forehead resting against yours as the two of you tried to catch your breath once more, staring into each other’s eyes, nothing but love and joy being exchanged in your gazes. 

“I missed this, I missed you, everything about you.” You muttered under your breath, still slightly panting while trying to catch your breath. Your hands still clung to Sunghoon’s neck and hair, wanting nothing more than to pull him back to your lips, never wanting to let him part from you again. The love and joy filling your heart once again, reminiscent of how you felt all those years ago, yet now those feelings were more intense, no longer some silly puppy love, instead your heart was filled with the unadulterated feelings of love and desire for the man standing in front of you. The love in Sunghoon’s eyes mirrored yours, and this time it was not yourself that connected your lips once more, instead Sunghoon was the one that ducked down, the hand he still had on your shoulder blades quickly helping to connect the gap of space that was once between the two of you. 

To any onlooker, the two of you would have looked like a lovesick adorable couple, young love in full bloom as the cherry blossoms were. The soft pink petals falling all around caused the scene to look even more picturesque. Two people so deeply in love, making out amongst the falling pink petals of the cherry blossoms whilst in the middle of the park, the moment was like one ripped directly from a movie or television drama. Sunghoon’s lips parted from your own, allowing you a moment to breathe, yet his lips were unable to leave you, he instead trailing them down your neck, placing rushed and feverish kisses all along your neck. Despite the euphoria, the joy you felt from the moment, the soft pink petals tangled within your hair were soon to fall. It started as a sprinkle, a sprinkle you ignored. Maybe it was that you did not want anything to ruin this moment for you, ruin the perfect feelings you were feeling, ruin the joy and love you felt from and towards the individual who you were currently tangled up in. Yet, that sprinkle was quick to change, as Sunghoon’s lips moved up your neck, resuming their place on your own. The kiss however was interrupted, the light sprinkles you had been ignoring suddenly turning into a downpour of rain. The once picturesque scene continued, rather than two lovers kissing amongst the falling cherry blossoms, instead it was two lovers kissing amongst the falling rain. 

Sunghoon was the first to break away, despite how your lips so easily followed after his own, he pulled away from you, being the first to speak. “Let’s get out of this rain,” He started, only to be interrupted by a large crash of thunder, what was once a nice rainstorm turning quickly turning into a torrential thunderstorm. Sunghoon felt nothing but his heart swelling with love and joy as he heard the laughs slipping past your lips, at the scene, before he grabbed your hand and the two of you started running towards his car. 

The two of you ran for a moment, until you almost fell, the shoes you had worn for your date were definitely not made for running, and definitely not for running while in the rain. The laughter rolled from your lips, as Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist, making sure you did not fall, and instead stayed safely pressed up to his side. “Come here, I'll carry you." Sunghoon was quick to say, leaning down, allowing you to climb onto his back, before he took off running again. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his hands quickly finding home on your thighs, as he held you steadily, letting you cling to his back, before he started to run back towards his car. Once by his car, he quickly put you down, allowing you to climb into the car, before he ran to the drivers side. These moments you felt so carefree, so youthful, like you had nothing to worry about but yourself and him. It was moments like these that made you feel the joy and simple happiness that having a child so early in life took from you, yet, you would never give up Sohee for anything, you felt as though your life now was eons better than even high school you would have imagined. Sunghoon’s laugh caught your ears, you turning to look at him, your hand finding its way up, pushing the wet hair off his face, wiping some of the raindrops off his skin, he ended up doing the same to you, the two of you pushing each other’s hair back, allowing you to fully see the others face. The sweet moment you shared however was fleeting, your lips desiring to reconnect with his, and you found yourself leaning over the center console of his car, lips meeting his once more. This moment however ended quickly, as somehow someone’s shoulder made contact with the car’s steering wheel, the horn of the vehicle causing the two of you to jump apart, before laughter filled the area once more. 

In the midst of his laughter, Sunghoon decided maybe it would be better to head on back, rather than continue making out in the car. “Let’s head back,” He started, quickly shedding his jacket, before he started the vehicle up. The warmth of the heater was welcome, despite it being a warm spring, the rain robbed the air and your frames of all that warmth. In that moment, you found yourself reaching for Sunghoon’s hand unconsciously, and he did the same. Hands meeting, fingers intertwined, you found yourself only holding hands, not sure if you can touch them more. As his car quietly hummed along the isolated roads, driving back towards the city, Sunghoon was the first to move his hand, finding its way to your thigh, he gently squeezing it. 

Everything felt like it was falling back into place, like everything was finding where it belonged. Here you belonged in Sunghoon’s passenger seat, controlling the radio, as he sat driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. The silence was comfortable, the late night driving reminded you of the nights so many years ago, but this time it was better, your mind was not full of all of those childish little fears that your teenage brain once held, now your mind was only full of love for the man sitting on your side, the man you wanted nothing more than build a future with. The man that you genuinely felt was your endgame.

Sunghoon drove until he ended up at his apartment, seeing how it was closer than your house was. Sitting in the car, the two of you watched the rain pour down for a few minutes, waiting for it to slow, yet, as it continued to only rain harder and harder, you decided it would be best to get inside his apartment before it gets worse. Sunghoon was quick to exit the drivers side, running over to attempt to block some of the rain off of you, however as it was nothing more than a downpour, it helped none, the two of you were immediately soaked with water. "I'm going to carry you, okay?" Sunghoon quickly said, before scooping you up, starting to run towards his apartment building, a smile upon both of your faces, as you clung to his neck, as he held you close to his chest. 

Finally entering the building, he sat you down, allowing you to walk with him to his apartment. "You're soaking wet." He said, watching as the water pooled at your feet as you walked, leaving a path through the hallway. 

“You’re one to talk,” You retorted back, seeing how he was covered in just as much water as you. The comment, causing the two of you to start laughing once more, luckily you were nearing his apartment door, and not going to be a disruption to his neighbors for much longer. Entering his apartment, it was oddly something that screamed, him. It was clean and organized, it looked sleek and modern, and it just screamed Sunghoon, the only thing out of place being the pictures you could clearly see setting on the table, drawings that Sohee had given him. 

Despite wanting to look around his apartment a bit more, he was quick to point out the big problem of the moment. “You’re shivering, go shower and I’ll get you some dry clothing, I don’t want you to get sick,” Sunghoon said, feeling him gently kiss your forehead, before pointing you in the direction of his bathroom. You wanted to point out he was wet from the rain as well, yet he gave you no time, instead just pointing you off into the direction of the bathroom and walking off. You were quick to go into the bathroom, getting ready to shower as Sunghoon knocked on the door, letting you know he left a bag of clothing outside the door.  As you showered, you heard a faint voice, it sounded like Sunghoon was on the phone with someone, yet you paid it no mind as you tried to warm up. 

Exiting the bathroom, wearing the sweats and sweater that Sunghoon had given you, you found him dressed in dry clothing, while trying to dry his hair with a towel. “You need to take a shower too, go, go.” You told him, starting to push him like he had you. He attempted to fight it, before finally giving in, going to shower with warm water, to satiate you. As he was showering, you found your phone, seeing a message from Karina. Opening it with haste, you expected the worst, but instead you saw a message that brought a laugh to your chest. The message from Karina read ‘Sunghoon said you are staying at his house tonight due to the weather, you better not create another Sohee, Sakura and I are not ready to be the aunts of two’. Being distracted by your phone, you almost did not notice Sunghoon leaving the bathroom, he looked a lot warmer than he did moments ago, and his hair fully dried.

“You're shivering... Do you want another one of my sweaters?” Sunghoon was quick to ask, seeing how you were still slightly shivering in the cold air of his apartment. You had not even noticed you were shivering, but he was already at the thermostat while grabbing you a blanket. Once he found his way to the sofa, sitting besides you, his hands found their way to your waist, pulling you onto his lap, before laying the blanket over both of you. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you found yourself thinking of how much you loved this. You loved being in his arms, you loved being with him, you loved him in all his being, and you planned to never let him go again. 

Sunghoon had turned on some mediocre romance movie on his television, the two of you sitting in the dark living room as the D-list actors did their best to give the crappy script some emotion, yet even the low budget stupid romance movie could not keep your focus. Instead of staring at the television screen, you found yourself staring at an even better view. Your eyes were locked on his face, watching him as he watched the movie, or at least he attempted to watch the movie. Not even ten minutes into the movie, he had enough of your staring, deciding to do some staring of his own, which quickly turned into something more. As your lips moved against his, you felt his arms tightening around your waist, pulling you even closer, as if it was possible to eliminate any more of the gap between the two of you. The movie was soon long forgotten as the two of you continued, the only thing on your minds being one another. The night drew on, all emotions between the two of you escalating, each touch of your lips becoming more and more messy, the kisses becoming sloppy and impatient. Neither of you were able to have enough of the other, it was in this moment that you realized how Sohee came to be so quickly in your relationship. As you separated, Sunghoon’s lips were quickly to find purchase on the side of your neck, finding a spot that he was oh so familiar with, finding it with ease. The feeling of his lips on your neck let you know that by the time morning came it would be marred purple and black. Yet, you could not find it in yourself to care, you would allow him to do it again and again, just to feel his lips against your skin one more time. 

The feverish makeout session continued for the two of you, the movie and thunderstorm roaring outside becoming nothing more than the soundtrack of your night. Unable to keep their hands off one another, they find their way into each other’s hair, on their necks, gripping their collars, gripping the backs of their shirts, and around one another’s waist. The wanton kisses continued until the events of the night hit you both, kisses fading from hungry and full of desire, to languid and tired. Lips gently moving against one another’s, neither wanting to be the first to pull away, neither wanting to be the first to admit the fatigue was taking over their body, neither wanting to be the one to end this euphoric moment. Yet, Sunghoon finally found himself pulling away, the two of you resting against each other’s forehead for a moment. That moment however left quickly, your head finding itself against his shoulder, as Sunghoon’s cheek found itself leaning against your head. The two of you find comfort in each other’s arms, falling asleep with ease while laying across his sofa. 

Awaking in the morning, you found yourself resting on Sunghoon’s chest, his arms around you, nothing filling the air except for the consistent sound of his breathing. It was a moment you decided you wanted to experience for the rest of your life, not sleeping uncomfortably on his sofa, but waking up in his arms, hands intertwined even as you slept, unable to get enough of one another even when in an unconscious state. A smile graced your face as Sunghoon woke up, being quick to press a kiss to your lips, before muttering a stereotypical, “Good morning’. The morning was good, all because you had woken up next to him, it was a wonderful morning all thanks to him. 

These thoughts however were quickly ended, you sitting up sharply remembering you were not at your house, you were at Sunghoon’s apartment, and you had stayed the night due to the bad weather. Sunghoon also got up with haste, knowing exactly what was going on in your mind, grabbing your hand, he was quick to speak as you tried to find your way to the door. “Calm down, just take a breath,” He started, his hand starting to stroke your hair, “We’ll get you home and to Sohee in a minute, but first calm down. We’ll get you home, you can go change, and then we’ll take Sohee out to breakfast and to the park, okay?” 

Listening to him came automatically, a nod of your head and a deep breath later, you were sitting at the counter of his kitchen as he was getting changed. Before long, you were on the road, listening to Sunghoon talk about how his plans for the night before had been ruined, stargazing could not happen when it was pouring down rain; yet, you found yourself happy his original plans had been ruined, since how the night went was better than you could have imagined or even planned. The silence in the car was comfortable as the buildings passed by on the way to your house, the car turned into a familiar road, before long finding its way to your house. 

Exiting the vehicle you were soon in your living room, seeing Karina and Sakura had already gotten Sohee up, and the small child was playing. She quickly found her way towards you, only to change the direction her little legs were taking her to someone behind you. A gasp left your lips as you watched Sohee run into Sunghoon’s arms instead of your own, the shocked look quickly turning into a smile, seeing the soft interaction between your two favorite people. Sohee giggled as Sunghoon picked her up, carrying and bouncing the small child around, listening as she babbled on and on about her night with Aunty Rina and Aunty Kura. 

Leaving the two of them in the living room, you made your way upstairs, Sakura and Karina were quick to follow. The door of your bedroom had not even closed as Sakura started, “Tell us everything,” She said, sitting on your bed, Karina following suit, nodding as she also sat on the bed, wanting to know each and every little detail. 

“I can tell from the shade of your neck that someone interesting, or perhaps should I say fun, happened,” Karina was quick to chime in, obviously not missing the purple and black shaded spots covering the side of your neck. Seeing the marks, she could only hope that things had not went as far as they could have, she was serious when she said she could not handle being the aunt of two, Sohee was already a handful, imagine having another one, it would probably be even more feral and crazy than the sweet and energetic first born was.

Reaching up, you moved the collar of the sweater attempting to cover the marks for a moment, a blush coming to your cheeks as the girls just laughed at you. As the girls sat ready to hear all the little details, you started talking as you quickly changed your clothing, telling them everything they wanted to know, but maybe leaving out some parts, like the two of you making out in the cherry blossoms, and then again in the rain, and then again on Sunghoon’s couch. Nothing was heard other than cute noises from the two, they were in awe of your cute little relationship, how easily the two of you fell back into your routine, how easily the two of you fell back in love. As you started to do your hair, covering the spots on your neck, their words hit you, and you found yourself in awe of it as well, how quickly the two of you fell back in love, it was like you were never apart, it was like those three years never happened. The gossip session with the girls ended as you were done getting ready, the three of you making your way downstairs, Sakura and Karina leaving for their apartments, while Sunghoon started to prepare the smaller of his two favorite girls to leave. 

Once you had bid Sakura and Karina goodbye, you found yourself focusing on Sunghoon again, he sat on the floor helping Sohee put her shoes on, as she claimed she needed help to do so, feigning an inability to do it herself. It was a lovely scene, seeing as she had Sunghoon wrapped around her little fingers, just as she had you. The scene was a domestic one that you honestly would not have a single problem seeing for the rest of your life, it was cute to watch as Sohee explained to the tall male which shoe went on which foot, and how to put her shoes on for her. A smile came to your face, watching as Sunghoon simply nodded, doing as Sohee told him. The toddler was quick to start talking his ear off, as she explained her little rainboots, why they were her favorite shoes, and why she picked that color. The smile on your face however was soon to fade. Sunghoon finished putting Sohee’s shoes on, and Sohee was quick to jump up, wrapping her arms around Sunghoon’s neck in a hug. “Thank you daddy,” Sohee quickly yelled, before letting Sunghoon go, the child running off to go play with her toys.

In that moment, you knew each time Sakura, Karina, and yourself discussed things going on, she was listening. She had heard how many times they mentioned how her father was Sunghoon. She had heard it all, and she even went as far as to call him it. Sunghoon was quick to look up at you, the smile on your face dropping as he had a look similar to a deer caught in the headlights. Standing up, he was shifty, seeing the look on his face made your heart sink. The look on his face let you know what he was looking for, an escape route.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, I have something to do, I have to go, sorry.” Sunghoon stuttered out, his words jumbling, as he quickly made his exit. Not even a minute within Sohee dropping the word, he was gone, his vehicle starting the drive was audible, and he was gone.

Staring at the door he had just left out of, you were unable to stop yourself from letting some tears fall. The silent tears burned a path down your face, the only thing in your mind at that moment being that he hurt you, just as you hurt him all those years ago. Despite the desire to run back upstairs to your bed, collapsing into the soft fabric, letting the silk pillowcase catch all your tears, instead you had to be strong. Standing there, you let the tears fall for a moment, before wiping your tears, knowing you had more important things to do than cry for Park Sunghoon. You thought that maybe he was ready to be a permanent fixture in both your life and Sohee’s, but it seems you were wrong, he was temporary, and you were stupid for even thinking that he would want to be permanent. 

“Sohee, park?” You finally found your voice, it breaking slightly, but it was the best you could do in that moment. Walking into the living room, Sohee was quick to jump up, looking around for Sunghoon, who was not there. “He had to leave. But let’s go to the park? Okay?” You were quick to tell her, picking her up as she nodded, ready to go. Leaving the house, you found yourself thinking about how this is better, no one to worry about except yourself and Sohee. This is what your life has been the last three years, and what it should be. No longer would you allow your brain to fill with foolish thoughts of being a happy little family, since obviously Sunghoon was not ready for that, he running off and running away from the two of you. 

Before you knew it, Sohee was running amok, jumping from puddle to puddle, enjoying the rainfall from the night prior. Once you arrived at the park you had started to text Karina and Sakura, letting them know what was going on. They were quick to respond with disappointment, the whole situation was something they did not expect either, they thought that he was ready for everything, but it seems not. As you texted them, watching Sohee, your phone buzzed twice in quick succession, indicating you had new messages. The messages were quick to pop up, one from Jay while another was from Sunoo, reading Jay’s a smile briefly came to your face, ‘Park Sunghoon is a dumbass, don’t give up hope’. From that message alone, you knew that Sunghoon had done the same thing you had, immediately run to your friends group chat and tell them everything. Sunoo’s messages were a lot more humorous than Jay’s, “Sunghoon is a fucking idiot’, ‘do I need to beat him up’, ‘I will’, ‘I don’t think I’ll win’, ‘but I’d do it for Sohee’, ‘I think he needs his ass beat’. After reading Sunoo’s sixth message, you just silence your phone, placing it in your pocket, any messages you receive going unannounced, as you focused on your daughter and your daughter only. 

The fantasies that plagued your mind, the ideas of Sohee having both parents by her side, the thoughts of Sunghoon finally taking his role as her father, crumbled all around you. No longer were you hopeful for the future to come with him, no longer were you envisioning the days of being a happy family, no longer were the ideas of actually having it all in your mind. Maybe this was best for everyone, better for yourself and Sohee in the long run. Sunghoon running away before he was fully integrated into Sohee’s life was the best, since it meant less pain for her, less pain for yourself. You would not have to explain to an elementary student why her father left her, since he left before she was fully acclimated to him. 

Staring at Sohee, you allowed her to play as long as she wanted, deciding it would be better to keep her distracted like this, rather than have her question what happened with Sunghoon. Unlike usual, Sohee tired a lot quicker than she usually did, only spending roughly an hour at the park. The child could usually spend three or four hours running around and playing, and then still not be tired when you announce it is time to leave. Yet, she wanted to leave only an hour after arriving, which you obliged. 

Taking your child, you found yourself in front of your house before long, four cars parked in front of your house, letting you know that your friends were there. Entering the house, you were quick to put Sohee down, she wanted nothing more than to nap. Once she was sleeping, the living room was where you found yourself, Sakura, Karina, Sunoo, and Jungwon waiting for you since they got your text almost thirty minutes before you arrived home. They were quick to rush over, knowing the last thing you needed was to be alone again. Sakura and Sunoo were fast with wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you down onto the sofa between them, letting you rest your head on their shoulders. 

“Sunghoon is a complete fucking dumbass,” Karina started, the rage in the eyes barely being contained by Jungwon, as he pulled her arm to make her sit down. “He better be lucky I don’t know where he lives, or oh, I’d fuck him up.” She rambled on, seeming even more mad about the situation that you were in, than you were.

Jungwon was hasty in reaching up, grabbing Karina’s hand again, pulling her back down, as she jumped up in anger from the seat next to him. “Usually I would try to see it from the other side, but honestly, both sides of this just make him an asshole. Like he’s spent months getting to know Sohee, claiming he wants to be her father, but then runs away the moment she calls him dad. Like there is no way to see this from his point of view that doesn’t make him seem like a horrible person. Either he did not really think of the commitment that it would mean, and freaked out when she said it, since it hit him. Or he never planned to stay, and her calling him that freaked him out.” Jungwon said he was known for being the level headed one of your friend group, but even he knew there was no level headed way to think of this situation.

“I still think you should let me fight him,” Sunoo cut in, being met by a quick shake of heads from everyone else. Even Karina, who wanted to fight Sunghoon, was shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, shake your heads, I know I wouldn’t win either, but I could probably at least like, bite him, do some damage.” He said, seeing the chorus of heads shaking, being quick to sigh, before focusing on rubbing your shoulders once more.

Sakura’s hand moved from your shoulder to your hair, softly petting it, as you laid your head on his shoulder. “I say fuck him. Sohee was fine being raised without him, and she doesn’t need him now. She has two amazing aunts and two wonderful uncles, she has no need for a Sunghoon in her life when she has all of us instead, we would never leave or run away from her, we actually love her, unlike someone.” Sakura started to ramble, her words coming out hastily, like she was going to lose her train of thought.

Hearing their words, you nodded your head, with a sigh, the memories of last night came to mind. “I just, I thought everything was going perfect. I mean last night it was like we were in a dream, he took me to see the cherry blossoms and we had a romantic picnic. We were so perfect, I thought he was ready to be in my life, to be her life. But, he just ran, he just left without a second thought.” You said, starting to cry as you spoke, tears filling your eyes as you recall the perfect night that turned into a nightmare day. “I just thought, I just, just for once I thought I could have it all. I thought I could be happy.” 

Sunoo was quick to lift a hand, wiping your tears, as Sakura started to rub your back, Karina was grabbing tissues for you, while Jungwon watched the scene, his anger towards Sunghoon tripling in that moment. “Sometimes you have to make your own happiness, and you can be happy with us. I know we aren’t him, but we’ll help and support you in any way you need, prove to yourself that you don’t need him.” Jungwon said, trying to make you feel better, but it only made you cry more.

“You wasted months proving yourself to him, just for him to do what?” Karina started to yell, jumping out, dodging Jungwon’s hand for once. “To run out like a little bitch the moment he realized how serious things were getting.” Karina was more angered at the situation than anyone was, knowing your past with him, it made sense, only she knew what you had gone through with him. “He wanted so badly to be in your life, just to run away. Leave you to have to explain to Sohee why her dad doesn’t love her, why he disappeared on her and never came back, why she doesn’t have a family like everyone else because he’s too much of a little bitch to be the father he should be. You opened yourself up to him once more, allowed him into Sohee’s life and your own, just for him to do this, I just, I can’t.” Karina ranted, excusing herself to go stand outside to attempt to calm her nerves.

With a sigh, you watched Jungwon follow her out, wanting to keep her from doing anything she would regret. You however had no time to focus on that, as Sunoo started to talk once more. “I just don’t understand, in our group chat, he talks highly of Sohee, of fully being her father, but I guess he just liked the title more than actually being it.” He said, being met with a noise of approval from Sakura. “He’ll probably realized he fucked up and come running back to you, but I wouldn’t take him back. Make him beg for it. Make him earn your trust. He made you earn his trust back before he was willing to show you affection, make him earn your trust before he can see Sohee. Walk him like a dog, girl.” Sunoo said, any alliance to his friend Sunghoon was gone, instead he only held alliance to you. 

Sakura was quick to agree, noises of agreement slipping past her lips, before she started talking. “I just can’t believe he would do this to you, I thought we were making progress, I thought things were changing for the better, I thought things would finally be better for you.” She said, her hand continuing to stroke your hair, providing some comfort in this situation. 

It was not long before Jungwon and Karina rejoined the three of you, her anger mostly subsiding, and the five of you instead focusing on other topics than Sunghoon. The four of them decided to stay the night, turning the comfort session into a sleepover, much to Sohee’s joy. She was enjoying the night with her favorite aunties and uncles, the thoughts of what happened previously that day slipping from her mind, as they indulged her in all her favorite movies and foods. Allowing for a day to get their minds off of what was happening around them, allowing them to only have fun, despite the crazy world and things going on outside their door.

It had been just over a week since that day, since the day Sunghoon ran, leaving you alone in the house with a daughter who had just called him dad for the first time. When your phone rang, you thought you were being scammed as the unknown caller popped up on the phone, deciding it was better to not answer the call, assuming it was probably someone calling to let you know your car’s warranty was set to expire soon. Yet, the number called back once it went to voicemail, causing you to ignore it once more. Whoever it was, however did not give up, after that call went to voicemail, they sent you a message. It was only then that you read what it said, ‘hey it’s Jake, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but can we meet up’. On the list of people you thought would be behind the unknown caller, some random telemarketer or an automated voice caller, Jake was not even considered to be on that list, especially after how he yelled at you during your last time together. 

For some reason, you found yourself agreeing to meet up with him, sitting at the table alone, you waited for him. Jay sat only a few tables down, playing with Sohee, luckily he had gone on his break and did not mind keeping the little girl company as you spoke to Jake. Jay himself was confused when you told him Jake reached out, after everything had gone down, Jake still had not opened up to the idea of being around you or speaking to you. Even now months later, Jay and Sunoo were the only ones of their friend group you spoke to; Heeseung was just never really a friend of yours, meanwhile Jake still seemed to harbor a hatred towards you.

Watching as Jay and Sohee talked, listening to her ramble, you made a mental note to invite Jay the next time all your friends go out. Jay and your conversations had mostly been restricted to text only, yet you had grown close enough, to the point that you trusted him to watch Sohee, so he would be a welcome addition the next time you all go out, that is if he is not working. Watching the two of them only lasted for a few minutes, as you heard the chair around you scrape against the floor as it was pulled from the table, Jake taking a seat. He sat there silently, almost mimicking your own silence. Neither of you wanted to be the one to break the silence, neither of you wanted to be the one to speak first. 

"I think I owe you an apology." Jake said quickly, being the first person to break the ice. You could tell that thought was on his mind, even if Jay was not sitting only ten feet away, staring daggers into the floppy haired man’s back. Jake genuinely was, after learning everything, he felt like shit for everything he said to you in anger. He just could never put his feelings into words, like how does one say sorry I was a dumbass without sounding like a dumbass.

Hearing the words slip from his mouth, all you could do was shake your head at the useless apology. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." You simply told him, “You said what you said, and I know you were only wanting to protect your best friend.” You continued. “I mean, I had hurt him once, you just didn’t want him to be hurt again. I’d do the same for my friends.”

Jake silently nodded, not really knowing how he planned this meeting to go, he was really sorry, but he was unsure of how to get you to believe it. “I shouldn’t have spoken on something I didn’t know, but I did, and now you are the one hurt.” He said, regretting his choice of words, as you obviously had a negative reaction to his words. “I just, Sunghoon’s a complete and total idiot, and I know you won’t believe me, but I really think what he did was wrong.” He tried to explain. “Sunghoon immediately freaked out in our group chat, and I know he’s going through it, but I can only imagine you are going through it worse, and even though I have no part in this I’m sorry, and I just, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry and that Sunghoon’s just an idiot, don’t hate him for this.” Jake said, his words turning into a long ramble of words. 

With a sharp breath from your nose, you thought about what he said. “This would mean a whole lot more coming from him, not you. That’s like me apologizing for Yuna breaking your heart back in high school. It is not your place to apologize, you're not the one that ran out in terror after having the child you’ve been bonding with for months call you dad. You're not the one who ignored all my texts and calls wondering what was going on, since you ran out so abruptly I thought maybe something had happened. You’re not the one who broke my heart, or it at least seems like it.” Hearing your words, you see Jake give you an odd look, looking almost like a confused puppy. “I’m not sure whether he broke my heart, or if he helped me dodge a bullet, since I’d rather him run away before Sohee gets too used to him being in her life, than him run once she gets comfortable with him being her dad.”

Jake was quick to shake his head, hearing each word from your mouth broke his heart a little more each time. He had no children, and hoped to keep it that way at the time being, but hearing how you spoke so lowly of Sunghoon hurt, yet he can understand where you are coming from with your ideas. “You aren’t dodging a bullet. There is no bullet to dodge. Instead, you have an idiot that is uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with you, his heart belongs to no one except you, and it can never belong to another. He’s an idiot that is so in love with you, he loves his daughter so much, but he got overwhelmed, and he overreacted.” Jake pauses, unsure of what to say next, before deciding upon one thing. “Just hear him out, I know you may feel hurt, you may feel like he did it on purpose, but just hear him out. He’s just a giant idiot who got overwhelmed, just hear him out before you decide to cut him out of your life.”

Hearing Jake’s plea, you simply nodded, deciding this had gone on long enough, and you needed to get home. “We’ll see,” You simply said, standing up, staring towards the table Sohee and Jay sat at. “Thank you for watching her.” You told Jay as Sohee jumped up to come to you, running back to hug her new uncle Jay before the two of you left. Sohee had taken to Jay quickly, he was much calmer and more quiet than her other uncles Sunoo and Jungwon, and seeing how he had taken to her, you knew he would be included within your friend hangouts more often. Leaving the cafe, the only thing on your mind was whether to take Jake seriously, should you hear him out, should you give him once chance, give him one chance like he had given you.

At first you thought you were seeing things when you heard the knock at the door, and upon checking the doorbell camera, saw him standing there, shifting foot to foot, obviously feeling uncomfortable at this scene. However, this was a scene of his own being, he caused this himself, and therefore he needed to deal with it himself. The trip to the door was slow, luckily Sohee had just been put down for her afternoon nap, otherwise it would have been a much more awkward talk with him. She did not understand what was going on, why Sunghoon suddenly left, and why he had not been around the past week. He had become a common figure within your home, always visiting to see Sohee and yourself, so it was odd to have gone over a week without him gracing your house with his presence. But at this time, his presence would have not been welcome, nor would it have been a gift. 

Finally opening the door, there he was, staring right back at you. Sunghoon was quick to step into the house, following you into the living room. The scene was a familiar one, except this time, he knew about Sohee and he also knew you had been back for a while. This time it was not about you keeping secrets from him, it was instead about himself, and the tone shift in the scene made that obvious, rather than anger filling the air, it was resentment. Sunghoon regretted how he acted, and you could tell that, yet, it was going to take more than just a simple apology to get you to forgive him in this circumstance. 

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon started, he planned to come in and apologize and open his heart up to you, but the words felt lost in his throat. His head was empty, finally seeing you made him forget everything he had previously rehearsed in the mirror. The grand apology and promises he planned to make never came out, instead he just trailed off, leaving you with complete silence.

Staring Sunghoon in the face, you found yourself unable to keep eye contact with him. He runs away when Sohee finally calls him dad, then he comes back just expecting you to forgive him and let him back into your life, back into Sohee’s life. “Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that helps so much, a simple apology doesn’t do anything to help what you’ve done. You hurt me, worst of all, you hurt our daughter. You didn’t even think about your actions, you just ran, and what sat around until you decided you messed up, thinking you would come running back to me and I would accept you with open arms. You have another thing coming, it would be one thing if you hurt me, but you didn’t just hurt me.” You started to rant, the look on Sunghoon’s face contorting as you hit him where it hurts, but you did not stop there. “If you had only hurt me, I would have just accepted it as revenge for me doing the same thing all those years ago, when I left you when I found out I was pregnant. I would have just assumed you were a horrible person who wanted revenge on me in the same way I hurt you, and I would have gotten over it. You probably could have come and apologized, and I would have fallen right into your arms again, since I am so in love with you. But you didn’t just hurt me.” 

Taking a breath, Sunghoon looked like he was going to start talking, but you quickly cut him off. “You hurt our daughter, no, you hurt my daughter, you hurt the only thing I have that keeps me going. I may have thought you were a horrible person, but no you’re evil and vindictive, the fact that you hurt her to hurt me, you hurt me through hurting her, only someone that is genuinely an evil person would do that to a three year old. If you decided you were not willing to be part of her life, to be part of this family, you should have left without a single word, instead you hurt my child.” You continued to yell at him, seeing the tears welling in his eyes did nothing to calm or stop your words. “Do you know how it feels to have a three year old ask you why her dad doesn’t love her? Do you know how it feels to have your own daughter ask you why her dad ran away and hasn’t come back? You don’t, because all you think about is yourself, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting others while you do that.” The adrenaline from the yelling was starting to wear off as you stopped screaming, your voice became soft, almost broken. “After all these years, after everything you’ve done, I still love you, but I don’t know if I can fully trust you again.” 

Hearing your last sentence broke any resolve that Sunghoon had built up in his body, the words being the exact same words he had told you months ago. “Yell at me all you want. Hate me all you want. I know I deserve it. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Sohee.” He started, the tears silently starting to fall down his face. “I just, she called me dad and something in me just broke. The idea of commitment and forever and the future, it just paralyzed me. I know this isn’t an excuse, I don’t think I’d forgive myself for it either, and I wouldn’t judge you if you never forgive, but please, just hear me out. “ He started to plead, wanting nothing more than for you to hear him out, to let him get everything on his heart out into the open. “I deserve everything you said to be, each and every word of it. The idea of commitment scared me, the thought of having a child that would rely on me, but after I ran, it hit me that you had to face that head on, you had to be the person that child would rely on since I wasn’t there. It finally hit me that, I’d rather be by your side, I would rather be someone for you and our child, not your child, our child to rely on. I won’t leave your side. I’ll never stop proving to you that I love you, that I’ll never hurt you, again, that I’ll always be there for you.” 

Sunghoon took a breath, a hand harshly wiping his face, before he started again, seeming like he was compiling his thoughts before continuing. “Just give me one chance, one chance to prove I won’t do anything like that ever again. One chance to prove I love you. One chance to prove I love Sohee. One chance to be the father she deserves. One chance to be the love of your life again. One chance to prove to you that I am serious about this, that I am serious about you.” He said, stepping forward, he found himself taking your hands, immediately finding himself on his knees, in front of the seat you sat in, ready to beg you for another chance. “Please, just one chance, let me earn your trust, I’ll do whatever it takes, spend as long as it takes, just give me one chance to prove that your love is placed right with me, that I can be the man you need and the father our daughter deserves.” Sunghoon pleaded, staring up at you, just waiting for an answer.

It was hard to hide the look of confusion as Sunghoon got in front of you, literally on his knees begging. The Sunghoon you knew as a teenager would have never reduced himself to begging, let alone begging on his knees. This action alone, let you know that you were not talking to teenager Sunghoon, not even young adult Sunghoon, it was like he has aged years within a few days, like a new maturity had taken over his brain, taking hold and leaving him with this new rush of maturity and desire to do anything to please you and his daughter. Despite the desire to tell him to leave, to tell him to fuck off, and to laugh in face as he begged you for a chance, it honestly would have been hypocritical on your part. Not even six months ago, you were the one begging him for a chance, and now here he was being the one begging. “One chance. You have one chance, and if you screw it up, you will never be in either Sohee’s life or my own, ever again.” You said to him, this was much more than just you hurting him and him hurting you, he had hurt your daughter, and it was not for the part of your brain that wanted the two of you to work things out, you would have not forgiven him. “Get up, you look like an idiot on the floor,” you muttered, wrenching your hands from his, before standing up. 

Sunghoon was quick to find his own way to his feet, just staring down at you, unable to stop the smile from crossing his features. “That’s all I need. I will make sure to earn your trust back.” He said, the resolve was regrowing within his being, and he planned to make sure he was never the reason behind your tears again, only wanting to bring you and his daughter joy.

Seeing Sunghoon run around the park, chasing after the rambunctious three year old, it felt like repeating history. This scene was one you had seen before, before you had convinced him with your one chance that you really did love him, that you would not leave him, and that you were serious about him. This time however, the roles were reversed, he tried his best to convince you that he loved you and Sohee, that he would not leave you and Sohee, and that he was serious about being with you and around Sohee. He seemed to be taking what you told him to heart, everything about how he would never see you or Sohee again was nothing but talk, you did not have the heart to separate that man from her, especially if he truly wanted to see her. You were just as lovesick as he was, the only difference being you had another person to prioritize, putting what was best for Sohee before what was best for yourself. Honestly, you felt like this was what was best for her, being around her father, her father being in her life, Sunghoon and yourself being a happy couple she could proudly call her parents.

A laugh slipped from your lips as Sunghoon fell while chasing the toddler, he tripped over something, dramatically crying out as Sohee jumped on top of him. The two were playing like nothing happened the weeks prior, like Sunghoon had not iced you out for over a week, like Sunghoon had not run off the moment Sohee called him what he was to her, like none of it had happened. You wish you could forget things as easily as she did. Someone might do her wrong, she pouts for a day or so, then it is like nothing ever happened. You were unsure whether she was just forgetting, or maybe if she was forgiving, but either way you wished your heart was as simple to work as hers was. Maybe then your brain would not keep sending you various thoughts of him doing it again, of him working his way into your lives just to ditch you once more. You would rather lose him before he found his way into every aspect of your life, than to start the whole coparenting thing, just for him to decide he did not really want this at all. 

It has officially been a month since Sunghoon’s fear took him over and he ran out. During the past three weeks, he has tried his best to prove to you that he is serious. Yet, despite his actions, part of you still fears him doing it again. You hurt him so badly when you left, you ruined his career without even knowing it, so part of your brain thinks he will want revenge, he will want to hurt you worse than you did him. Even after all these months, the fear still courses through your veins, the idea of how easily he could destroy you if he so desired. During this time of rebuilding, Sunghoon had done nothing to show he would, there was no hesitation or second thoughts, but that did not prevent the thoughts from clouding your mind, how easily he could leave once more. How easily he could destroy the little bit of happiness you had built up. How easily he could hurt you in the worst way, through hurting little Sohee. 

Sohee seemed to have none of these fears, instead happily playing with Sunghoon as though nothing had happened. Even the other mothers at the park had taken notice of the extremely attractive man playing with his daughter. Throughout the day, you spent your time passively agreeing and listening to the mothers speak. Some commenting how his little girl looks just like him, a resemblance that even you could only just agree about. Others commented on how happily he seemed to be playing with his little girl, adding snarky remarks about how their own husbands would rather play video games than with their children. The last most common remark of all, was how he seemed to be such a great dad, how he had a great relationship with his daughter, and how they wish their husband was like that. Those comments hurt the most, not because people thought you were married to him, but because that relationship was hanging in the balance, just stuck on a frayed thread, easily able to be cut down. He might play the role of model father in this moment, but only one more mistake on his part, and there would no longer be a father in Sohee’s life, he would no longer be a fixture in his daughter’s life, and you would feel no remorse removing him from your own life. 

It was not long before you heard the sound of a squeal, Sohee running straight towards you as she always did when she was ready to leave the park. At some point you could only guess she had talked Sunghoon into chasing her, since as you looked up the lanky figure was trying his best to get up from the slide, the one Sohee had probably run from moments prior. Sohee was quick to climb into your lap, her little arms wrapping around your neck the best they could, as she hugged you, the two of you watching as Sunghoon finally made his way over from the jungle gym to where you sat. “Ice cream please?” Sohee’s voice was quick to ask, once Sunghoon was within earshot of where you two sat. The pouting look on Sohee’s face let you know she was going to get it even if you told her no. One thing you learned quickly was that Sunghoon had no resolve when it came to telling her no. All Sohee would do is look at him with her wide eyes and her pouty lips, and he would fold faster than a folding chair.

 “After you eat lunch, okay honey.” Sunghoon was quick to reply, as he finally made his way to the bench you were sitting on, having had to walk halfway across the park from where Sohee had run away from him. 

Looking up at his words, it was odd, he usually was the first to say yes and of course, so his reply took you by surprise. Nodding your head, you were quick to agree with his words, as Sohee looked up at you, wanting a different answer. “After lunch.” You confirmed, watching as Sunghoon picked up the pouting toddler, before extending his own hand towards you. Taking it, he helped you to your feet. Despite all the thoughts running through your mind, as your fingers intertwined with his, you felt like it was where you belonged, where you should be, and where you should stay. 

Your hands were quick to start hanging between the two of you, Sunghoon simply tugging on yours to pull you closer, before his hand found its way around your waist. It was moments like this that made you want to forget it all, forget how he ran out on you and on Sohee, forget how he got overwhelmed and freaked out the moment Sohee had called him dad. The sweet moments like walking through the park, Sohee on Sunghoon’s hip, and his arm around your waist almost made it worth risking, risking it all, just to keep this happiness and joy within your soul permanently. 

Venturing into the fairgrounds, it was like deja vu. Six years ago, Sunghoon and yourself were sent to the same fair to get closer. Now you were together, you had a three year old, you were in college, and so many other things. It seemed like a full circle moment to be honest. Things between the two of you started at a fair, and with how things were going, you felt things as a family were to start at this fair as well. Sunghoon had worked for months to make sure you felt he was not going to leave, doing anything and everything for Sohee and yourself. Honestly, you felt like you would have immediately given in and fully taken him back months ago, but for the sake of Sohee, you held out. 

The scene was reminiscent of that day all those years ago. Sunghoon clutched onto your hand as he dragged you around the carnival, one hand in yours, while the other hand carried your daughter. Hearing the excited chatter between the two of them, you were unsure whether it was Sohee or Sunghoon that seemed more excited about the plethora of rides and games abound. Sohee was happily telling Sunghoon all about the pretty horses she could see on the carousel, he interestedly listening and responding, as she explained to him which color of horse she wanted to ride, even going as far as to rank the horses on their colors. Due to her excitement, you could tell that was directly where he was leading the two of you too. 

Luckily Sunghoon had the premonition to come to the carnival early, meaning there were few people around, allowing there to be no wait time for many of the rides. As the two of them joined the short line that waited for the ride to finish, you took a seat on a nearby bench. Quickly your phone was pulled out, you taking a few photos of the two of them waiting in line. Sohee was talking animatedly, pointing to the horses as she spoke, while Sunghoon gazed down at her, hanging onto each and every word he said. The look he stared at her with was one you recognized, it was one that he looked at you with, looking down at you as though you were his whole world. Which, honestly, to him Sohee and yourself were his whole entire world. Despite the tumultuous relationship the two of you had, he was unsure of what he would do with himself if he woke up one day and you were gone. He was unable to move on after your short lived high school relationship, and he was sure as hell that he would never move on if anything happened to Sohee or you. 

The photo was quickly sent to your group chat, your friends immediately fawning over the sweet photo of Sohee and her father. As they sent various texts, you noticed that the line had started to move, as Sunghoon climbed onto the ride, quickly going to the horse that Sohee had expressed the most interest in being on. Photos were taken as he stood by her, holding her as she sat on the horse, the child ecstatic about where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. Sending the photos, you even quickly took a small video, Sohee clapping in excitement as the ride started to go around. The group chat was reacting as you expected, the common messages calling their niece adorable, saying send more photos and all. As you went to turn your phone off for the moment, one message caught your attention, it was from a newly added member to the Sohee’s Aunties and Uncles group chat, Jake. Softly laughing as you read his message, ‘if he ever leaves you and Sohee again I’m gonna fuck him up’, before he quickly sent another, ‘i would commit arson to see that smile’, ‘she’s too precious’, closing your phone for the moment, you ignored the plethora of messages, probably trying to talk Jake out of commiting arson. 

Standing up as you heard the ride come to a stop, you found yourself waiting for the two as Sunghoon exited the ride, Sohee upon his hip once more. Listening as Sohee excitedly chatter about the ride, how much fun it was, how much she loves the carnival, and how much she loves the horses, the three of you found yourself just walking around the carnival grounds. Walking around, trying to find more of the child safe rides for little Sohee, you found yourself in front of the inflatables, which Sunghoon quickly agreed to accompany Sohee on. Despite how much you loved her and would give her everything she wanted, Sunghoon was even worse. He may have not officially been her father for very long, but you could tell she was soon going to turn into a daddy’s girl, since he would do anything to make her happy. Watching as his lanky figure crawled into the inflatable obstacle course, you brought your phone out, filming as he followed Sohee through, helping her in the parts she needed assistance in, while just following her throughout the rest. 

As Sohee bounced around the bounce house at the end, Sunghoon stood outside of the inflatable house, attempting to catch his breath after having chased Sohee around for about ten minutes. Sending the video to your friends, it did not take long for you to hear a voice, an elderly female carnival worker, sitting at one of the information booths nearby. “What a cute couple,” She started, before seeing the little long haired girl climbing out of the bounce house, hastily running up to Sunghoon for him to pick her up. “And what an adorable little girl.” She added. This gave you an odd sense of deja vu, reminding you of the first moment Sunghoon and yourself had been referenced as a couple, at the carnival all those years ago. Yet at that time, you were not one, nodding your head at her compliment, you went to join the two of them, knowing that this time you were, you happily were.

Leaving the inflatables, you were in front of a food stand before you knew it. Sohee tugged at your sleeve before tugging at Sunghoon’s hand, the small child begging for cotton candy, to your surprise, you listened when Sunghoon told her she needed to eat real food before candy. The three of you soon sat at a table, Sohee sitting in Sunghoon’s lap, as you sat across from them. Food from one of the food stands on the table in front of you, the three of you enjoying the food, before Sohee got the one item that she said would change her life, the large cotton candy stick with a bulb of candy bigger than her head. 

Watching as Sunghoon assisted her in eating it, you were unable to stop the feeling of warmth that was taking over, radiating out from your heart into your limbs. The warmth taking over your being, the joy from seeing the two of them, just made you feel so happy. Only a year ago you would have gone at everything alone, knowing that one parent was all Sohee would ever have. But the time changes so fast, everything can change in a blink of an eye, and before you knew it, you were back home and no longer going at it alone. Sohee was finally getting the happy family she deserved all these years, with a caring set of parents. Despite your initial reservations about fully introducing Sunghoon as her dad, he was quick to prove that your trust in him was well founded, and that he was going to be there not only for her, but also for you. It was a lovely feeling, the joy of being a full proper little family. Yet, the only downside was the feeling in your heart that you robbed Sohee of this for three years, all those years you spent abroad, thinking it was for the best, but now knowing it was not.

Sunghoon had just barely cleared the table and cleaned Sohee’s face of the sugary treat, when she was bouncing around once more, tugging at his sleeve, expressing her desire to go on other rides. This was how you found yourself sitting in the carriage of the ferris wheel, Sohee sitting in between yourself and Sunghoon, watching as the ride went higher and higher up into the air. The view was stunning, the only thing you wished was that it was night instead of early afternoon, that way it would be even more gorgeous. Staring out at the skyline, Sohee was enamored, watching as everything got bigger, then smaller, then soon you were on the ground once more. Hand intertwined with Sunghoon’s, as he picked her up, his hand pulled you close, before moving from your own hand, to wrap around your waist. “If the carnival is still in town next time we have a date night, I’m bringing you, so we can have that cute picturesque kiss atop the ferris wheel, while surrounded by the night lights.” Sunghoon softly whispered into your ear, before whisking you away to another game.

The scene was reminiscent of your first carnival with him all those years ago, except instead of you having your sights set on a specific stuffed animal, instead Sohee had decided her grey bunny needed a friend, specifically a light brown bunny hanging up at one of the stalls. Watching him as Sohee was on your hip as you held her, allowing her to watch Sunghoon’s attempts at winning her the toy. It felt like what the scene all those years ago must have felt like, he watched as you struggled to win, only to win it for you, the only difference this time being that he was winning it for your daughter, not for yourself. Sohee clapped as Sunghoon finally won, only taking five attempts before he did the unthinkable, actually winning at the somewhat rigged carnival game. A smile was automatically upon your face, as Sunghoon took Sohee from you with ease, giving her the item of her desire, watching the small child’s face lighten up, before clinging to her father’s neck in joy. 

The day continued on until the early evening, once the salary men started to flood the carnival with their families and children, you decided it was best to end things then, rather than staying and possibly getting lost in the ever growing crowd. Starting to make your way out of the carnival grounds, your hand stayed clutched within his, as he carried Sohee. Sunghoon leads you through the crowds of people, making sure to ensure that the two of you never get separated at any point. Before long, the two of you were buckling Sohee into the car seat within Sunghoon’s car, he had bought one once he decided he was in it for life, once he decided the two of you were his forever, and he would never want that to change.

Before you knew it, Sunghoon was carrying a sleeping Sohee up to his apartment, making sure not to wake the sleeping child, before laying her onto his sofa and placing a blanket on her. Sitting in his lap, the two of you relaxed in the recliner, just watching your sweet little girl sleep. The two of you sat, silent, just completely enamored with the small child, knowing that no matter what might come, you had one another, you had each other, and that was all you needed. Soon, you felt his lips against yours, the kiss felt of nothing more than joy and love. As he pulled away attempting to kiss your forehead, you instead grabbed his face, moving it right back to where it was moments prior, kissing him this time.

Feeling your lips against his, Sunghoon could only feel the joy from the action, no matter how simple the motion may be, each time your lips met his it was like his heart was doing backflips, his soul was singing praises, and his brain was going into overdrive. “If you do that one more time I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” He muttered, once the two of you finally broke apart, earning a soft laugh from yourself, before you leaned up, reconnecting your lips to his once more. 

As your lips met his, you smiled into the kiss, feeling his arms finally wrapping around your waist, trying to erase any space that there was between the two of you. This time you were the first to separate the kiss, moving away from him, smiling as he responded by pecking your nose before pecking your forehead, causing another laugh to slip from your lips. “I think we both know what happened last time you couldn’t control yourself.” You jokingly said to him, eliciting a laugh from him this time.

“Hey, maybe she’d like a sibling,” Sunghoon was quick to add, his eyes casting over to where Sohee laid, sleeping peacefully on the sofa of Sunghoon’s apartment. With a soft laugh, your lips found themselves pressed against his once more, the slower this time, sweeter, the love easily flowing through the contact of your lips. “I guess I’m finally out of the dog house?” He softly asked, enjoying the joy that came from laying together with you, like all was right in the world, which all was, since you were his world.

Sitting up, you gave him a look of thought, thinking about his words, deciding whether he had actually earned the right to unlimited access to yourself and Sohee once more. “Thin ice.” You said after a moment. “But, I don’t think it’s gonna break any time soon.” You told him, knowing that he may have not fully earned your trust back, but he was as close to having fully earned it back as one could be, and you knew that he would not stop. He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and your daughter, and you knew that he would not do anything to hurt you again.

Nodding his head, he simply pecked your forehead, pulling you against his chest once more. “I’ll take it.” He said, before kissing the top of your forehead. “And I’ll never stop proving it to you.” 

Laying against his chest, you felt his arms wrapping around you, feeling safe within his arms, you felt safe with him owning your heart, since he had worked to prove to you that it was the right move. A move you knew that you would not come to regret in the upcoming years, finally giving sweet little Sohee the family she deserved, and yourself the love that you deserved. 

[jewishvitya]

I posted this with my art but I'm putting it on its own.

Things I imagine in YOI pre-canon. These are personal headcanons and interpretations.

With Viktor, I imagine his family being high achieving, and Viktor having a lot of expectations on him. And he matches then successfully. But this means his parents think he's doing well, even in moments where emotionally he isn't. They look at achievements rather than looking at him. It's not intentional neglect, they just don't have the awareness of mental wellbeing. He has a bed and food and he's doing well in school and skating, so everything must be okay. It's fine when he's fine, it's lonely when he's not. And it's the first environment that teaches him to match himself to what's expected and wanted of him, fulfilling a role rather than just being.

When he's older, he quietly creates distance. Not cutting them off, but not reaching out. They don't mind. They follow news, and they can show off his success.

When he's young, Viktor loves having fans and being known and admired. Af first he doesn't see downsides to it. And then something happens, as simple as "did you see him throwing the flower at Christophe Giacometti? He was flirting, how cute" - and Viktor realizes his fans will draw their own conclusions and won't believe him if he tries to say they're wrong.

So he starts adjusting his approach. Building a persona, and building walls. Charming smiles that get him anything he wants. Practicing the skill of giving people what they expect. Being what they expect. And then flipping it on its head and surprising them.

If you're focusing on matching and subverting expectations, you're not necessarily being yourself. Any personal exploration of identity is hidden and alone. But on the ice, when he's performing, he can be honest. He can be seen. Because they're going to take it as fake. Think of how Minako reacted to Stammi Vicino - Viktor's earnest plea for someone to stay by his side, well, he's too charming for this to tug at the heartstrings. So he can play with stories that he won't share with anyone any other way, and he knows they'll take it as pretend.

The walls he builds don't allow him to be truly close to people. He has good relationships with other skaters, but emotionally keeps them at arm's length. He doesn't notice he's isolating. Chris and he have fun joke-flirting, but when Viktor steps away from the ice Chris doesn't seem to realize he needs this, isn't close enough to know what he's struggling with. He talks like Viktor is taking away the motivation he's entitled to by choosing to coach Yuuri. His rinkmates see him on good and bad days so they know when he struggles, and Yakov is the only person close to knowing him deeply, but even he doesn't take it seriously when Viktor burns out, so that is still limited.

For Yuri, I think his mother was going through a lot to let his grandfather take care of him. He has a lot of responsibility in that setting, and it all starts when he's so young.

I think, with Viktor being present in his life consistently from such a young age, Viktor is one of the people he sees as family. He absolutely looks up to him, just like he absolutely looks up to Yuuri. And I think he resents the emotional distance Viktor maintains.

He's not very attentive to people in general, but he's the one that explains to us how Viktor feels early in the show. When Viktor left to Japan so suddenly, I think Yura felt abandoned beyond just Viktor forgetting to choreograph a program for him. If it was just the program - he did end up getting Agape, he could have just asked for that, but he tried to get Viktor to go back. I feel like he hates that Viktor went to look for a way to get his spark back somewhere else, instead of staying and finding a way out of his slump with his rinkmates. If what Viktor needs is to coach someone, why isn't Yuri good enough? He's a talented skater and he sees himself as continuing Viktor's legacy, but Viktor chose someone else for that role.

And Viktor did choose Yuuri to continue his legacy. Because Yuuri skates so beautifully, because Yuuri has so much love for Viktor's skating, because Yuuri has drive and ambition and pride and skill and he finds joy in skating, and Viktor wants to nurture all of that into the performance Yuuri deserves to show.

And along the way, he learns how to connect with people as himself. His relationships with Yuuri and Yuuri's family open doors for him to better and deeper relationships with Yuri and Chris and anyone else he wants to be close to.

About Yuuri, there's very little I can say because we know so much. So I'll just share a lighthearted headcanon a few friends and I came up with as a story idea and I just adopted.

I don't share the fanon that Phichit got him into pole dancing. In my mind, he either started himself, or it was Chris - unintentionally. I think they're friends, because of how Yuuri reacted to him in the show, like he's used to him. And I like to think Chris kept saying things that made Yuuri feel competitive. Talking about how it's great for core strength, "but it's probably not your thing." Sent pictures of himself performing difficult moves, and got pictures back because Yuuri was trying to match him or do more difficult things than him. And meanwhile Chris thinks they're showing off to each other for fun. It's how Chris knew Yuuri can keep up with him at the banquet.

[dira333]

Fall - Sakusa Kiyoomi

Sakusa Kiyoomi x reader - Season Series

By the time he’s twenty-four, he thinks he’s heard it all.

He’s been named arrogant, stuck up, selfish. Other students have called him difficult to work with, and the girls he tried dating told him he was too complicated to be around.

But no comment ever struck him as hard as yours.

“You remind me of the Fall.” You tell him over a cup of tea, amidst the chaos of a whole volleyball team devouring Onigiri.

He’s left speechless and unsure.

All he knows at the end of the night is that you don’t mind seeing him again, your number saved in your phone, the color of your eyes burned into his mind.

.

He doesn’t dare ask what you meant. 

But he dares to ask for a date, dares to step out of his apartment after worrying for two hours that over half of his clothing could remind you of a season he’s not sure he wants to be compared with. 

Fall is the season people say they like but they only like certain aspects of it.

They like the pumpkin spice and the colors but don’t want the rain.

People claim they like fall but complain when it arrives and celebrate when it leaves.

.

Sakusa huffs impatiently when he arrives, realizing that he’s twenty minutes early to a date he’s no longer sure he wants.

What if you’re just like the others?

Claiming you like him like others claim the like fall? 

He knows his worth, his strengths, and is familiar with the beauty and the ugly parts of himself.

Not once has he compromised his self for others, has gone through life true to himself.

He can deal with having no partner but he cannot take another false claim.

.

You’re fifteen minutes early to their date, your face partially hidden by a thick scarf in bright autumn colors.

“Hey!” Your smile is infectious, he can feel a similar one tugging on his own lips. “You’re early too?” You ask and there’s a soft giddiness in your voice that he’s starting to crave.

“What do you want to do?”

Your eyes go big at his question.

“Oh? There’s a park down the corner from here, I passed it via train and the trees are turning yellow already. Do you want to take a walk first? Do we have the time?”

“Sure.” 

His hand finds yours, no gloves separating the warmth of his hands from the coldness of yours, or the softness of your skin from his roughness.

He blushes red like the trees around him.

-🍂-

If anyone would ask you, you’d call fall your favorite season.

Spring is loud and attention-seeking, bursting at the seams with colors.

Both Summer and Winter are dominant in their respective temperatures to the point where you need a completely different set of clothing for each of them. 

But Autumn is different. 

Autumn shows its beauty quietly, undisturbed by attention. 

The leaves will turn their colors if you watch them or not, satisfied with themselves and themselves alone. 

Autumn is a time of movement, but it’s not the rush of spring or the slow trickle of summer. 

Autumn is its very own thing, uncompromising in itself.

You like that about fall and you like that about Sakusa.

.

Sakusa, who does not apologize for what he wants. 

He wants to be left alone in a crowded room. 

He wants things to be clean and words to have meaning.

Don’t tell him you love him if you don’t love him completely.

But if he’s sure of your sincerity, he’ll lay down his life for you.

-🍂-

By the time he’s thirty, Saskusa thinks he’s heard it all.

He’s been named exceptional, talented, a genius on the court. He’s won matches and prizes, the respect of his Coaches.

But no compliment ever strikes him as hard as yours do.

“You remind me of the Fall.” You tell him in front of all your family and friends.

“You love me with the calm passion of autumn, with the dedication of a season that changes the lands.”

Sakusa did not have to change his ways to be loved, just like autumn never changed.

All he needed to do was to be himself patiently, trusting you’d come along.

My Kofi if you want to tip me

[beachlifelez]

“I saw you with Coach Phipps in her office yesterday, Carly.”

“What?!?”

“She really does like licking pussy, doesn’t she?”

“Please, Gabi, don’t tell anyone, OK?”

“Tell anyone? Why would I tell anyone? But…”

“But? But what?”

“But, the next time you go see her, I’m coming with you.”

“You are?”

“Oh, hell, yes. I need to get some of that action. And don’t say no. And damn, I didn’t know you were into women. Maybe we can have some fun without Coach. Whaddya say?”

“Um, well, I guess, maybe. Are you gonna lick me like she did?”

“Oh, hell yes. And you? Do you go down, or are you just a spoiled little pillow princess?”

“Hey, that’s not fair. I give as good as I get, I promise.”

“Well, then, as soon as this photo shoot is over, let’s go to my house and we can show each other our licking talents.”

“I have always thought you were pretty sexy, Gabi…”

“Look at you. A hidden lesbian sexpot. Carly, I’m gonna sex you up good, I promise.”

[electric-demons-in-love]

Random Vox, Valentino and Velvette headcanons (part 3):

-Velvette really likes Avril Levine and early-2000s pop punk music in general. She’ll often be blasting it out loud in her fashion studio. In terms of more modern artists I feel like she’d enjoy Scene Queen.

-As much as he loves taking Val on extravagant dates to expensive restaurants, Vox’s favourite dates involve seeing a movie then getting food at a 50s-style diner afterward.

-Vox tries to be romantic and cute by sharing a milkshake with him but Val, being his gross self, always sticks his tongue in it to lewdly lick up the cream.

-Valentino enjoys watching talent competitions on TV (like the hell equivalent of Dancing On Ice, the X factor, etc), though mostly because he’s a judgmental bitch and likes to rip into the competitors. Vox actually got him to be a guest judge on a show once and every week he made someone cry (Vox didn’t care because the ratings skyrocketed whenever Val got involved).

-Val doesn’t like horror movies. He doesn’t mind gore but suspense and spooky stories get under his skin. He will watch them though if Vox agrees to let Val cuddle up to him. In comparison Velvette is a horror freak and cheers whenever someone dies gruesomely.

-Honestly before episode four I thought that Velvette’s Love Potion was a perfume. Obviously it isn’t, but I imagine Velvette and Valentino do have their own perfume line.

-Vox has his own energy drink brand called Vroom.

-Whenever Val gets flustered he pulls his hat down over his face. It happens very rarely but when it does Vox will mercilessly tease him about it.

-Vox can’t walk in heels, no matter how much Val and Velvette try to coach him. He will literally trip all over the place. To make up for it Velvette made him a special pair of platform boots.

-Velvette has a private folder on her phone full of unflattering photos of Vox and Val. She often threatens to make them public to blackmail the pair into getting what she wants.

-Vox can play electric guitar. It helps him relieve stress.

-When Val is pissed at Velvette he’ll do extremely petty things such as steal her makeup or doodle over her fashion sketches.

-Val once tried to be romantic by flying Vox over pentagram city using his wings. It was going great until Vox got violently air sick and puked all over Val’s clothes.

-Valentino has a massive collection of vintage porn magazines. They’re displayed on a bookcase in his penthouse and carefully organised. He’s very proud of his collection and will brag about it to anyone who will listen.

-They somehow got their hands on an Asmodeus Crystal and use it for earth trips, complete with human disguises. They don’t go often and when they do it’s only for a short amount of time to not arouse suspicion, so the trips are very special.

-The first time Vox saw Valentino’s human disguise he almost came on the spot.

-One trip involved them visiting Sea World. Vox had the time of his life looking at all the marine animals, Val and Vel had never seen him so genuinely happy as he was that day.

-Every time they go to earth they bring home a souvenir related to what they did. Vox’s favourite is a stuffed shark from the Sea World trip that he keeps in his bedroom, Valentino’s favourite is a tacky necklace Vox won him in an arcade (he often wears it hidden under his coat) and Velvette’s favourite is a collection of photo booth Polaroids they took together.

Part 1 Part 2

[leaawrites]

Late Night Talking pt2

Ryan McMahon x fem!reader

Summary: where a childhood crush finally turns into love.

Warnings: mentions of drinking and smoking

Part 1 flopped completely, but idc. I already wrote it all, so I may as well just post it.

Part 1, Part 3, Masterlist

The lights were low. It was almost dark, except for the red-blue LED all around the place and the mirrorball hanging from the ceiling, reflecting it’s glow on the people beneath.

She stared at it, as if it was her bare existence. Every little shimmering piece pierced through her heart like a dagger. Every piece was a piece of her. One that she lost the day he left. And they were all so damn perfect. Cut out in the right shape, puzzled together and glued so they won’t fall apart again. In contradiction to her. She was falling apart as she sat down on the coach in the living room of a house she didn’t know the owner of and noticed the all too familiar boy approaching her.

“Y/n?” Elijah Hewson called out to her.

She tore her eyes away from the mirrorball and watched as the boy made his way through the crowd of people. Pushing his way towards her free. A girl, holding his hand, following him suite. Y/n watched the pair as they sat down next to her. Elijah pulled her into a side hug, while the girl only smiled at her kindly.

“If Grace hadn’t pointed you out, I wouldn’t even have noticed you,” he said, gesturing to the brunette next to him as he introduced her as Grace.

“You’re his girlfriend?” Y/n asked Grace. The girl nodded, holding out her hand for Y/n to shake. “I’m Y/n,” she introduced herself, “an old friend of the lads.”

“I know,” Grace said, making her frown in confusion. “Ryan talks non-stop about you, and he shows pictures while he does so as well. It’s basically a whole PowerPoint Presentation by now.” Grace laughed at the memory of that one time, when they were sat in the tour bus, all high and out of their mind.

Ryan was half eye-lid, floating in his own orbit until he saw her face next to his. As he reached out to touch her cheek, he was quickly pushed away by a scared Rob who was the victim of Ryan’s dreams. He mumbled her name, whining about why she didn’t love him the way he loved her.

“Yeah, Ryan is unbearable if you’re not by his side,” Eli added, looking at her like he knew that she felt the same way towards his band mate. Because, of course he knows. The stolen glances, lingering touches, hidden and subtle references in songs both parties would let slip in every now and then.

Y/n wasn’t as talented as the lads when it came to singing or playing an instrument. She played a bit piano and the guitar, but that was it. However, she was a genius when it came to song-writing. And Eli, being the unpolitical best friend of hers, was the only one who knew.

Josh would be too caught up in his own mind and trying to find a rhythm for his guitar, for him to check what and who the song was about. Bobby would just be cheeky and leave little traces of her secret all around Ryan until he knew what she was doing behind his back. And Ryan, he would know by reading them. There were memories and promises tangled in between soft chords and love confessions that only the two would understand, which made it impossible for her to show them to him. But Eli could keep quiet and he knew who it was about the second he read them.

He had tried to get both parties to confess before, but he never said anything about the songs they wrote for each other.

“Is he here?” She asked, trying not to sound too nervous about the answer. Either way, she would start to over-think. What was he doing here? Or what did he do instead of being here?

“I think I saw him outside the last time,” Grace told her.

The girls shared a look that they knew was a secret code for having each others back from now on. Y/n thanked them before walking off into the crowd, searching for the glass door in the kitchen that would - hopefully - lead her to where she wanted to go.

The humid air outside made the glass fog up. People were dancing to the Abba song that played in the background, but she was only focused on him. Ryan left with the band a few months ago, focusing on tour in America and not Ireland or even Europe. And with uni, she couldn’t go with them.

Though the worst part was how civil they parted ways. There were no fights or arguments. No one threw a tantrum that they wouldn’t see each other for a couple of months. There was nothing she could cling to that would make her hate him. There were no words that made her want to throw up and blame it on him. She couldn’t hate him and she hated that.

A cloud of white smoke swam over his silhouette as Y/n made her way outside. Ryan was sat at the pool, his shoes and socks sitting beside him, his jeans was folded up so it wouldn’t get soaked. She debated for a moment whether to go back in or sit next to him, when Ryan suddenly turned to her.

He hadn’t expected her. He didn’t know who he expected, but it definitely wasn’t her. His eyes lit up as he saw her and before he could stand up, she was already sat beside him. With her legs pulled tight against her chest, she watched him. Watched every detail that might’ve changed about him. His hair was shorter and he had grown a subtle beard, but it looked good. He looked really good.

“Hey,” she greeted him, sending a small smile his way. “I didn’t think you would be here.”

“Why not?” He asked.

They fell into their old pattern of conversation rather quickly and maybe that should’ve scared her. But it didn’t. It was Ryan. Nothing about him could scare her.

“Well, firstly I thought you were still on tour and second, what are you, new Rock star, doing on a college party in Dublin?” She asked, laughing at the weird concept of their conversation.

“Bobby knows someone and because we were all too tired to say no to him, we’re here now,” he explained, flicking part of his cigarette away.

“How are you doing?” She tried to keep the conversation up.

“Fine. Wouldn’t say particularly good. It has been quite tiring and I actually just wanna go to sleep, but I don’t have someone to drive me there,” he explained his situation, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to make the sleep disappear. “I should’ve listened to my mom when she told me not to go.”

Y/n laughed, a sense of comfort growing in her chest as she listened to the boy talk. She always loved hearing his voice close to her body, always loved having him for her alone. Not in a creepy obsessive way, but just in a way that made her feel like they were the only people in the world and he was willing to spent his left time with her.

“How is she?” She asked, not having heard from his mother in a long time.

Ryan was sleep deprived and a bit drunk, which made him forget to think before he would talk. Which lead to him saying, “Good, still insisting on knowing when we get married.”

He said it with such calm and confidence as if they have ever talked about getting married before.

“What?” Y/n asked, looking at the water rather then his eyes that seemed to be stuck on her.

“My mom always believed that we would get married at some point. I stopped denying it after we were like 15.” He blew the smoke away, watching it dance through the cold night air.

“Why did you stop denying?” She asked.

“I guess I kind of got comfortable with the though, at like 18 and at 15 I just prayed she would stop talking about it with relatives or anyone else she would talk to in a pub.” He laughed like it was nothing in his eyes.

“Do you wanna come over to mine?” Y/n asked, not seeing another way out but keeping him close. “You can sleep on the coach or whatever. It’s closer than yours, so that’s a plus.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said. Standing up he was stomping his cigarette out before holding out his hand for her to take.

Together they walked out through the crowd, seeing Rob while doing so and telling him they would go - to which he only wiggled his eyebrows and patted Ryan’s back. They walked to her car without saying a word. All while holding hands. When Ryan went to the passenger side, he only noticed their interlaced fingers and laughed merely at the fact.

They drove home in utter comfortable silence.