#like 'maybe i should go back to the doctors' level sad

[roachzrivia]

I was going to spend my day off playing final fantasy but instead I played the tutorial, spilled my coffee, and spent the rest of the afternoon crying in the dark because apparently I can't handle anything at the moment.

[pablitogavii]

can you write about gavi being super depressed and is not taking care of himself and yn realizes it?

Hard times

Ever since the injurty, Gavi completely changed... he was no longer the smily happy boy running around the field and making jokes with everyone.

His face was more grim every day, and he spoke less. As his girlfriend, you've noticed these changes recently and tried talking to him but one thing that always stays the same is how stubborn he is.

"I tried talking to him, but he just brushes it off" you explained to Aurora who came by with Belen to visit the two of you. Pablo didn't want to bother them and make them stay in Barcelona for long knowing they have their own jobs to go back to, and he had you by his side always.

"It's hard for him to go through this in the peak of his career, querida. Just be patient and he'll open up to you" Belen explained and you listened to the wiser older woman carefully. After all, she knew her son best.

"Maybe we can get him to see someone, if that might help?" Aurora suggested but we all knew how Pablo sees doctors. It will be like trying to convince a scared child to get a vaccine.

Pablo entered the room and we suddenly stopped talking greeting him with a smile.

"They brought your favorite fruits, cariño ..." you say and he shrugs his shoulders plopping down on the couch while you walked to the kitchen knowing it was the time for his medications.

"Does it still hurt you, hermano?" Aurora asked noticing the way he was massaging his leg when he raised it onto the bed.

"Yeah ... especially at night. But I didn't tell her anything, she worries too much you know" he explains looking towards you with a first smile he created in days.

"Maybe you should, she's scared that you're shutting out ..." Belen said and he sighed knowing that he really did become distant and cold recently ... everything just seemed to agitate him but he didn't want to take it out on you.

"Here, cariño your medicine" you came back and he groaned sick and tired of all the pills, physicals and scans ... he just wanted this nightmare to end.

"I'm gonna go to the bedroom, they make me sleepy" he said leaving quickly and you nodded sitting down quite sad.

"You sure you don't want to eat something?" you ask but he shakes his head.

"Not hungry ..." he said quickly and you nodded continuing to spend time with him family.

At night, you felt him shifting and turning constantly woken up and you turned to check what's wrong with him. His face said the whole story ... he was in pain.

"Amor, why didn't you wake me earlier? I can massage it for you if you'd like" you offer but he tossed the blankets off himself reaching for his crutches and standing up on his own.

"Just go to sleep. I'll be in the living room cause I'm more comfortable there" he said not giving you a chance to reply before leaving.

The bed was cold and foreign ... you were really missing him.

Next morning when it was time to take him to physical, you couldn't find him in the living room but then you heard him from the guest bathroom. You walked in and there he was sitting on the floor throwing up into the toilet.

"It's okay, amor ... let it out" you sat besides him grabbing a wet cold cloth and placing it on his forehead while he cried closing the toiled at falling into your arms.

"I'm useless ... I can't even walk let alone play on that level again" he was wheezing from tears and you played his his hair letting him talk to you.

"Listen to me, cariño ... these are extremely hard times, but we're in it together. You need to start taking care of yourself if you want to recover fully, and you need to start talking to me about it. " you spoke and he listened like a scared child.

"I need you to start eating again, the pills are strong and that makes you sick. When it hurts, I need you to tell me so I can help. And when you need to cry, you do in on my shoulder okay?" you say and he nods sniffling while you kiss his forehead.

You helped him up towards the living room, preparing some warm soup to help his stomach pains before bringing the warming compress for his knee.

"I feel like a baby ..." he admits when you start feeding him soup and you smile nodding your head and kissing his lips a few times lovingly.

"You are my baby ... my stubborn baby. Now eat" you say and he finished the soup before you gave him medicine and checked on his physical appointment.

"It's not until four, so rest up ..." you tell him and he nods playing some random Barça Youth game on the screen before opening his arms towards you.

"Cuddles please?" he said adorably and your heart melted ... your boy was back!!!

"I thought you'd never ask again" you smile laying in his arms careful to keep his leg comfortable and he kissed the top of your head taking in your familiar scent.

"Did you sleep at all last night amor?" he said and you shook your head.

"I know you can't sleep without me besides you ...rest preciosa, I'll be right here" he whispered into your ear and you blushed nodding your head and slowly closing your eyes feeling secure in his strong embraces.

I really hope he's taking care of himself 🥺🥺🥺

[da-shrimping-station]

Andrealphus with a human!SO who's curious about his scars

gender-neutral reader | slightly suggestive | mentions of sex and nudity | he calls his SO darling as an endearment | nonsexual intimacy (for the most part ig?)

MINORS DNI

i will take your kidneys 🧡

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

He can feel them staring intensely. It doesn't bother him the slightest, given that he's received far more hostile glares, but that doesn't mean he's not curious. It's rare for his darling to look at him like that.

"Is there something wrong?"

Andrealphus turned to where they are, senses acute enough to locate them despite their quiet. There was a rustle of cloth and soon enough a body pressed against his.

"You have a lot of scars..."

"Do they bother you?"

He was never one for vanity, before or after being blind. What only mattered was that he was, at the very least, clothed. Even when he became one of Niflheim's nobles. Black did well with bloodstains and a simple suit was all he needed. A tie was out of the question because no matter how much he practiced, he somehow could never get it right. And the only reason that he bothered to braid his hair was because it could be a liability in battle, what with getting tangled or grabbed if he let it be.

So, appearances were the least of his concerns. So long as his body functioned well enough to fight, that's all that mattered.

"They don't bother me," they reassured. "It's just that, seeing them makes me realise what you went through."

Their fingers gently tapped at his wrist before holding his hand.

"I never really cared for the scars." For the majority of his existence, all Andrealphus did was fight. "The doctors from Paradise Lost can't say no to me when I ask for their assistance."

He's a model patient to them, following orders and recommendations to hasten his recovery. Rushing things would be a detriment in battle.

There had been times when he'd been too zealous with fighting and outright disregarding his physical state in order to fulfill his bloodlust. It cost him and his comrades dearly.

Gusion's rant and Bathin's disapproving comments still ring in his ears to this day. Yet they still helped him, dragging him back to where Marbas was in order to receive proper treatment. He made sure to express his thanks by staying put and actually listening to the doctor.

"Still," his darling insisted, snuggling closer to him. "It makes me sad, I guess? That you had to go experience such pain. I know you can handle it and that you've gone through worse but..."

The pair sat in silence, the mid afternoon sun filtering through the window and the sheets rumpled over their bare lap.

Andrealphus thinks he understands. Humans are delicate after all and Niflheim demons are the hardiest of devils in Hell, followed by those of Tartaros. Not to mention he is a noble to boot. Suffice to say, his body can take a lot before he's down for the count. Yet he also understands their concern, he thinks. They've never interacted with devils before they got to Hell and what knowledge they have of its residents are only surface level.

Maybe he should accept Gusion's offer of tutoring his darling about the norms and cultures in Hell. There was also a suggestion from Bathin to give them basic training for self defense.

Maybe.

Are his scars that unsightly that his darling would go so far as to point it out? It's not that he's unaware of them. They're just a fact of life, given that the entirety of Hell was at war for a century now and he was constantly on the frontline.

"Are they that unsightly?" Enough for them to point it out?

"No. Not the slightest. In fact," they trailed off, sounding a little hesitant. "I find them attractive."

"Oh, I have no doubt towards that," Andrealphus said with a chuckle. "If I remember correctly, you jumped on me the first time you saw me shirtless—oof!"

His darling punched him lightly (to him at least), as they grumbled in embarrassment. He wrapped his arms around them, pulling them in for a kiss. They still haven't cleaned up from earlier activities, thought that's the least of his concerns right now. Not when his darling kisses him back with equal fervor and adoration.

"Andrea–" They gasped, moaning as Andrealphus set his eager mouth to their chest. Such music to his ears. "C-can I touch your��� Ah! Your scars–"

Their nails dug into his shoulders, trying to steady themself as he set them on his lap properly. He growled as they yanked at his hair, halting his onslaught so they can catch their breath.

"Can I?" They asked, breath ragged and a face flushed.

"You can touch wherever," he said, giving them one last kiss as reassurance. He let them settle on his lap properly and patiently waited.

Hesitant fingers traced along his right bicep. He knew there was a scar there having touched it when he bathes.

"Where is this from?"

"Sparring with Bathin."

"Oh?"

"He is skilled with his sword. If I were any slower, it would've gone through my arm."

His darling let out a concerned hum but kept quiet nonetheless.

The rest of their afternoon went like that. Tentative touches on scar tissues and hushed voices asking questions as they explored the visible scars on his body. They used to be inconsequential to him. Just another notch on his body as proof of another hard won battle and further proof of him reaching his goals. But with how his darling touches them, even going so far as to give the bigger ones a kiss made him feel proud to have them.

Andrealphus thinks he'd found a slice of paradise, here in his humble home, with his darling in his lap, and the rest of the world so far away.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

A/N:

hiiii i've had a bit of a drink and when im drunk, i write (because i need me some of that dutch courage to stop being conscious about my writing)

gonna add this to my collection of "drinking drabbles"

this was all done in one sitting and definitely not proofread so,,,,,,,

also typed this all up on mobile so idk what's the word count or if the formatting is okay

eheheheheh 🦐

[eirakairos]

Leader of Onychinus 2

A/N: The sequel to the first L&Ds fic I wrote but in Sylus' waking up and most are his POV

Previous Chapter

Words: 2,702

Tags: Hurt/comfort, Sylus being grumpy but for good reason this time, MC being stubborn, minor violence and injury

Sylus hears things and sees dreams when he is in that deep sleep. He hears your voice, being worried, crying, all of your hopes and distresses. He sees you in his dreams, you being in his arms, holding your hand and smiling at him. He wanted to wake up so bad just to quell your sadness. He wondered… You should’ve been in Linkon, but maybe he doesn’t know time as he only has consciousness.

Bright lights almost blind Sylus as he can open his eyes, the beeps in the vitals get more active as the nurse sees him being conscious. His sight was blurry, adjusting to the light, then seeing doctors and staff rushing to him. They saw the doctor order to send a message afterward before he went to take another rest.

He heard your voice again, being so relieved. He did wonder why you are still here, by his orders in situations like this, you should be back in Linkon. Maybe you are as stubborn as he expected, maybe you insisted on checking on him. He heard Luke and Kieran bantering with you, that you should prioritize yourself first, to which he agrees. He wanted to see and hold you so badly.

Sylus finally woke up and was checked on again. He hates being bedridden this long after a battle. Sylus was already back at work but on his bed, checking his emails and transactions about what happened when he was gone. He hummed, seeing that Onychinus didn’t fall or explode.

“Boss!” He heard Luke and Kiera rush in after opening the door. He raised his eyebrow at seeing them panting and wearing more casual clothing yet their masks were still on. They also show a lot of bandages on their arms and faces.

“It seemed you two went to such a fun party,”

“The transactions went well in the past days, we tried to calm down the investors and reassured them you are well. Not that they want to take it over or anything,” Kieran said. “We already have stations in this area,” Luke followed as he pointed to the map of N109 Zone, which shows their expansion. They have been struggling to take it over due to disputes but they finally managed to do so. Sylus hummed, a bit impressed by this circumstance. He is glad that on the surface level, there’s not much going on.

“I assumed many people wanted to sabotage the base and conquer since I’m… Away,” Sylus said. “Yes, boss, but we are two steps ahead. Since you prepared a plan for this with us,” Luke confirmed. 

“Tomorrow I was advised I’m well enough to be discharged, but no physical activities as they say,” Sylus said. “Get ready, we have a lot of things to settle,”

“Yes, boss,”

He closed his tablet and finished the report meeting.

“How is she?” Sylus asked. He was worried and wanted to see you, but not like this. He wanted to be well enough to do normal things with you and not be a liability.

“She is well. She is in Linkon, as you ordered,” the twins answered.

Sylus was relieved internally. “Good,”

Sylus has to make sure that the N109 Zone is relatively safe enough for you to travel. He has to make sure of where the “loyalties” lie and if are on his side. He missed you dearly, hence why he is taking it against the other rival groups that might be involved in the ambush. He was only checking on them, the leader and its underlings were surprised to see Sylus.

“Onychinus really are bastards,” the leader said spitting out blood after being beaten up. “At least this is better than the previous one,” he dared say. Sylus raised his eyebrow. “Previous?”

“You appointed someone else, right? He is much more gruesome, as I heard,” the boss coughed. Sylus gripped him harder using his energy manipulation. “That was not a previous, but let’s say a temporary… Replacement, now everything is dealt with… The real one returns,” he said before his hand turned into a fist, finishing the man. The man’s statement did pique his curiosity.

As he went to multiple groups, his eyes squinted more and more. He is hearing about the person who was the boss of Onychinus. He heard of him being more cruel and punishing, his methods were more violent and had no mercy. Fear envelopes them when he questions them, either through eyewitness accounts or rumors. He learned that he is wearing a crow mask with his black cloak with red streaks as he often wears to his business deals. He was a lot shorter and his voice was in a deeper pitch.

As he is in his room, looking at his emails and Mephisto roaming around Linkon to check on you. You were getting ready for bed, sat down, and put ointment on your arm. Sylus hummed as he called Mephisto back to base.

Mephisto cawed and flew to his arm when he arrived. He was checking the previous recordings on the days he was out and he noticed there were a lot of jumps in the timestamps. Mephisto sent his report to him daily, expecting that in those days, many activities were going on but he felt something happened.

“Mephisto, Alpha access 04-18,” he said clearly. Mephisto’s wing revealed a silver metal feather underneath. Sylus plucked it from Mephisto and placed his thumb on the thumbnail scanner. After it scanned, something clicked and a memory card was opened.

He placed the card on his laptop and looked at the files.

“You will, if you want Onychinus to survive,” You said.

“We gave our word to our Boss, same as yours,” Kieran said.

“He doesn’t need to know. I just need your promise on this,” you said.

The video showed Mephisto flying towards your shoulder.

“We are at your service… Boss,”

Sylus exhaled, his face showing he was unhappy about this discovery but was interested in prying more.

“Okay, so we created this mask for you… And tailored this coat based on Boss’ design,” Kieran said. Kieran gave you the mask and coat. “Do you remember the training course we did about being the boss?” Luke asked. “Who knew that would go handy,” Kieran said. You nodded and smiled at the memory of Sylus arranging a scenario of you being a boss in disguise. You remembered going to that fancy mall and wearing sunglasses with him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Luke asked. Sylus sees your determined face and wears the mask and coat. “Yes,” you said, the voice already activated to change to a deep voice. The twins looked nervous but they assisted you anyway.

In the next video, there is a lot of screaming and gunshots. Mephisto is near the window seeing the carnage.

“Who are you?! Sylus is already gone!” One of the rival leaders screamed. You stepped on his shoulder. “You are one of the leaders who orchestrated the ambush,” You said. Despite the voice changer, Sylus can tell you are definitely pissed off. You pulled the hammer of your gun and it clicked, then pointed it at his head. “Wait! Wait! I’ll exchange it! Please, don’t!” he screamed. You stopped. “The Silvanus, I’ll give it to Onychinus!” You tilted your head and looked at Luke and Kieran. “It’s the area Boss wanted to conquer but wasn’t able to, it's been in a dispute for years,” Luke whispered, it's low but was able to be picked up by Mephisto. You looked back and thought about it. You retracted your gun and motioned your fingers as you left the room, ordering the twins to “beat the hell out of him and clean the place up”.

The following videos show more violence. You are asserting dominance at a fast pace, finishing them off one by one. From you being feeble in the boss training to exceeding expectations in controlling Onychinus, you sometimes go with his business meetings and was either in trouble (him) or in trouble. You sometimes act as his arsenal or aid or tangled in the mess. But this time, you intentionally bring the trouble.

The next one shows the complete opposite. You were in the room, watching Sylus recovering. Mephisto was on your shoulder, most likely just coming from a mission.

“Sylus, my beloved, how are you doing?” You asked. You hold his still hand. “You know I realized being a boss is hard… But I’m doing my best, Mephisto is not recording this anyways so you’ll not know,” you chuckled. “So please wake up soon, I’m happier if you are leading this than I am… I’m going to the last group in my list,” you spoke softly. “After this, I’ll return to Linkon, just there waiting for you…” you sighed as you teared up. “If you are seeing what is happening, you're probably not going to believe it. But I… I’ll burn the world for you,” You said. You kiss his forehead before the video cuts off.

Sylus stopped for a bit, feeling something at the lengths you did for him. He played the next video, supposed to be the last group in your list. It was all loud and all over the place. You screamed in pain as you were down before the twins covered you. Sylus was alerted, eyes glued to the screen. You three did survive but didn’t stay long as you ran to the car back to the base. Even Mephisto was cawing as if he would report to Sylus, seeing you bloodied and pale. He saw you holding to your side as the twins panicked that you needed to be prioritized otherwise, hell would fall on everyone.

“Luke! Kieran!” He yelled as he returned the memory card and the feather to Mephisto.

“I need a truthful answer… Is she well?” Sylus asked, glaring at the twins and crossing his arms.

The two are kneeled and their heads down. Sylus is not that angry at them, as he knows you are behind all of this and takes no for an answer. They also did their best to protect you, they are the only thing you got if Sylus is not available.

“Boss, she is well now… But before, she nearly…” Luke said. Sylus’ eyes narrowed, intensely staring at them. “We were able to bring her for medical attention, she insisted on seeing you as you were awake that time,” he followed. “Boss, she really was stubborn, yet… She did the boss thing well. She returned to Linkon after seeing you resting. We did monitor her healing progress,” Sylus walked back and forth, remembering the time you were putting ointment when he saw you through Mephisto, realizing it was ointment for your minor injuries.

“Pick her up after I call her in an hour,”

“Yes, sir!”

Sylus is carrying you to his chambers. You remain quiet as you still feel guilty and Sylus is angry at you. He calmed down but his glare was intense whenever his eyes were directed at you.

He laid you down and lifted your shirt. “Hey!” you were alarmed but stopped realizing he was checking on your bandage. Satisfied it is healing well, he lifted down your shirt. “Sylus- I-” Before you could respond, he embraced your hips, his head on your chest, and buried his face there. “Sylus…” You heard him sigh deeply. “I’d rather see Onychinus be in danger than see you hurt,” his breathing shuddered, savoring the beats of your heart. Your hand went to his head and patted it gently. “You figured it all out,” you sighed. “I told you… You can’t escape my influence in the N109 Zone, alive or dead. So you intend to hide this from me all the way?” He asked and looked at you, the tone of his voice had a hint of anger but his face had sadness. “I don’t do secrets well, sweetie, especially if it's being hidden from me,”

“I do intend to tell you… But not this soon…” You answered. He hummed. “If you weren’t able to make it in that last mission,” Sylus said. “I will burn the world,” His eyes show intensity, showing intent. You don’t dare the leader of Onychinus.

“I didn’t expect that to happen,” You said. “I was on the opposite side… I didn’t even think of ruling it, I only said it as a joke. But I had to take it because it's important to you, you worked hard to attain it… Despite it being illegal,” you said dryly.

Sylus chuckled. “Well, I guess I got successful in bringing you to the dark side,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes. He moved a bit, but still, his arms were around you being careful of your bandage, but he looked more relaxed now.

“You’re still not out of the loop yet, sweetie,” Sylus interrupted as if he could read her mind. “I still need to think of your punishment,”

“Hey, everything went well!” You exclaimed. “Onychinus is still standing! You’re well! I’m okay!”

Sylus suddenly moved, making you squeak. He is towering over you as you lie down under him, his hands grabbing your wrists. “Your punishment: You will not leave N109 Zone until you are fully recovered,”

“What?! I can’t do that!” You said. “I have a job!”

“Well, sources tell me that you’re on medical leave for a month and a remote job after due to this obvious condition,” he said, as you both looked down at your side where the wound was. “If needed, like when you are required to attend an event or see friends, I can allow you to go back to Linkon,”

“And why would I follow what you tell me to do?!” You struggled. Sylus glared, his hands tightening your wrists. “Kitten,” he said with a threatening tone. “I uphold my word, the same to you when we talked about you returning to Linkon. Now we do the other way around since you didn’t leave when I told you to,” he shifted. “Do you think that you can just leave after conquering my empire and almost losing your life in the process?” He glared at you, you could see traces of his worry showing in his eyes. He almost lost you that day and he was intentionally not informed about it.

“I…” You said you were unable to come up with any excuse. There was silence between you two, you looked away as Sylus continues to glare. He exhaled deeply.

“And I have plans,” Sylus said, loosening his grasp to her wrists. “A vacation… Might as well make your long leave worthwhile,” he smiled a little. You missed Sylus a lot and he doesn’t want to let you go, so it would be good for both of you, especially for you. “Aren’t you busy because of the whole Onychinus thing?” You asked.

“Well, it all has been taken care of,” he reassured. “The previous… Boss did a lot of work on my return,” he smirked. “But the influence had gone wider and stronger this time. Now, I have other priorities than Onychinus,”

“What is it?” You asked. Sylus took your hand and kissed it.

“Taking care of my queen who I told to leave but didn’t and now I wanted her to stay but is objecting,”

There was a comfortable silence, with you blushing to that sudden endearment.

“I heard stories about the boss of Onychinus… They feared her,” he continued. “I guess the training did pull off… Or is it the rage for revenge?” He hummed. You looked away, you were fueled with revenge when dealing with the people who ambushed Sylus. The tease this man does to you, whether you like to admit it or not.

But the boss thing has to end, you think it doesn’t suit you. It’s perfect for Sylus, though. “What if there is a one-off battle between the two bosses though?” You wondered. You remembered the time when you got tricked by him. You barely had the chance to retaliate yet you can try. Sylus looked at you and approached your face, his lips hovering over yours.

“Then I surrender, boss,”

[songmingisthighs]

Wanbelyn

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. iv - dumped

neurosurgeon!hongjoong × reader

buy me coffee ?

where love and peace is held, i never expected for this to happen. i planned and i planned, i expected, and i hoped, but it was never you. you held what i wanted hostage to make room for you, the thing that i needed but has no means of acceptance. deny me, live your best life.

As much as you hated helping around during the weekends, you have to admit the crowd is interestingly diverse. The lack of rigid schedule and responsibilities allowed people to come or walk by in groups or even alone, even then they seemed busy with their phones. The usually rather calmer cafe became the social hub for certain people with the noise of chatters everywhere and people going back and forth between their seats and the cashier. It was trully interesting.

What's also interesting is the little boy who's hiding under the cashier, drawing a giant circle with a red crayon continuously in his drawing book. You discovered him just as you were about to take over the cashier for Yeonjun who had to go to the back to get some things. The boy only spared you a glance before returning to his drawing book, leaving you to tend to your own thing while he tend to his own. For a moment, you focused on the customer first, though intrigued, you wondered who the kid was and what he was doing there.

Once the customer was tended to, you crouched down to be eye level with him, "And who might you be?" You asked, tilting your head slightly to appear intrigued. The boy spared you one glance before looking back down to his giant red circle. "Don't wanna give me your name, huh? Smart. You should not tell random people your name so maybe I should ask your mom or dad?" At the mention of his parents, you saw his shoulder slumped and he shook his head, "Daddy busy," he mumbled lowly but it was loud enough for you to hear. "Did you came here with your dad?"

Just as he was about to answer, you heard someone call your name which caught your attention. "Who are you talking to?" Wooyoung asked, going around the counter only to see the boy he lost nestling himself in the nook. "Kijoong!" He called and skid over to reach out and grab the boy only to halt abruptly when 'Kijoong' hissed. Yes, he HISSED at Wooyoung, surprising you as evident from your eyes that widened to the size of saucers. "You can't just run and hide like that, I was worried! I was looking for you!" He sighed. "Wait, you know this kid?" You asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Wooyoung shrugged, "Yeah, his dad is a doctor and I'm helping look over him because he was called in. You know, on call," he explained. Teasingly you nudged your friend and wiggled your eyebrows, "Didn't take you for a nanny, Woo," and much to your surprise, it was Kijoong who answered you, throwing his crayon past you and Wooyoung, frowning deeply, "Not nanny, Kijoong big boy, don't need nanny," he huffed displeasedly.

Wooyoung opened his mouth to scold Kijoong but you cut him off with a scoff, "No you're not a big boy, a big boy wouldn't have ran off without telling the adult he was with, OBVIOUSLY you need a nanny, Kijoong is it?" Both Kijoong and Wooyoung were surprised that you stepped in but as quickly as the surprise came, Kijoong scowled and move to push you down but you dodged his push, rendering him angry. Once again, he tried to push you down again, with both hands this time and Wooyoung tried to step in but you blocked him once again. "No, use your words," you told him in a gentle voice but odd eniygh that was when he began sniffling and soon, tears rolled down his face. While Wooyoung panicked as Kijoong's face grew red and his tiny shoulders shook in sadness, you remained calm and even repositioned yourself to sitting criss-crossed in front of him, "Use your words," you repeated in the same cadence which this time resulted in Kijoong looking up at you from his wet lashes and scooted slightly out. "Didn't know I had to tell," he mumbled through sniffles which thankfully you could hear through the background noise. You nodded in understanding, "Does your daddy usually let you walk around without telling him?" Kijoong shook his head whilst sniffling, prompting you to tell Wooyoung to grab you a couple of tissues, "Daddy holds my hand a-an-d we'll t-talk." "Did you ran off because you're not with daddy?" You asked again, scooting back and gesturing for him to crawl out by opening your arms. At first, Kijoong seem like he hestitated to step out. But after a brief moment and one last sniffle, he crawled out of the small space and stood in front of you sadly. Truly, if he was a cartoon, he'd have droopy, sad puppy ears on his head.

You got up from your position and began fixing his vest and shorts up slightly before wiping his snotty nose with utmost care, "Well, whatever your reason was for running, I think we can understand that, can't we, Woo?" You glaced at Wooyoung who had stood up and leaned his hip on the counter, nodding to your question, "Of course we can." You looked back at Kijoong who now had an ashamed look on his face and smiled, "You were with Wooyoung so he has to make sure you were okay because if you weren't, your daddy will be very sad so Wooyoung has to be able to see you clearly at all times, do you understand?" Kijoong nodded firmly and you noticed his sniffles had started to stop and he even took a step closer to Wooyoung, "I wanted to play so... Hide and seek," he explained. Amused, Wooyoung chuckled and pat the boy on the head gently, "I'd appreciate you telling me when you want to run off so please don't do that again, okay? We can play again later but right now you need to fuel up," he said before he grabbed the boy who squaled happily and bringing him around the counter, mouthing a thank you at you for helping handle the situation.

For a moment you thought you'd just go back to work; handle customers and helping Yeonjun prepare orders. But around 10 minutes later, Wooyoung came trudging back, flailing himself over the pick up counter and groaning.

"(y/n), I told you to bring the trash out back," Yeonjun snickered as he passed by to go to the brewing machine, prompting Wooyoung to shoot him a glare, "Shut up, Yeonjun, I'm facing an issue," he hissed. You stopped in your tracks hearing what Wooyoung said, immediately connecting his issue to the little boy you found under the cashier, "Is Kijoong okay?" You asked but Wooyoung turned to you with a deadpanned look, "Shouldn't you be asking if I was okay?"

Leaning down, you rest your chin on the counter across from Wooyoung with a grin, "Nope." If the pop of the P didn't annoy Wooyoung, it was the peck on his forehead that got him screeching through gritted teeth as he tried to swat you away. "I'm serious, I'm practically in a serious negotiating state with a 4 year old over lunch, it's embarrassing!" He whined.

The words Wooyoung used made you peer over to the table Wooyoung chose for him and Kijoong. You saw the boy back on his drawing book but he was peeking over some people who were sitting around him, looking like he was ready to bolt.

"Mind if I try something?" You asked Wooyoung but you didn't even bother to wait for his actual reply before you rounded the counter and walked over to Kijoong who, upon your arrival, set his crayon gently on the side and placed his hands on the table. "I have a problem and Wooyoung said you might be the right person to help me. Do you think you're up for it?"

That's how you found yourself in the secluded area of the kitchen, two staff members working on orders while you finished up putting bowls of ingredients next to Kijoong who you set on the metal counter. "Okay," you clapped your hands once as you began, "So we have macaroni, shredded cheese, some cream sauce, some marinara sauce, ground beef, some chicken, butter, ketchup, and a little bit of oregano if we're feeling fancy. What do you think would go well?" Kijoong stared at the bowls in front of him with a serious look on his face all the while Wooyoung loomed over your shoulder and frantically tugged your arm, "This is a bad idea I tell you, if he feels mischievous, he'll DEFINITELY start by dumping that marinara on you!" He hissed but you simply waved him off, waiting for Kijoong to give you an order with an empty bowl in your hand.

Kijoong took longer than you expected and you decided that maybe he needed a bit of encouragement. "Well, I'd usually go like this," you narrated the ingredients you picked as you put them in the bowl before you mix them up, "And this is what I would usually eat." Kijoong stared at the bowl with big round eyes and then his gaze shifted to you, as if asking if you really can eat that. To prove your point, you grabbed a spoon and started taking a bite and then two and then three.

Seeing you eat seem to intrigued Kijoong and before you knew it, he tapped your arm and pointed at the things he wanted on his bowl. Sure, it was only some macaroni, tiny bit of beef and chicken and a load of cheese and butter, but he was happy with the bowl and ate it with gusto. He even experimented with the ketchup and the marinara.

Wooyoung stood at the side, amazed at how you got the boy to eat almost effortlessly. Moreover, he almost screames when he saw Kijoong urging you to continue eating as well and even asked about what your bowl tasted like. He refused to try but seeing as how he ate, you were just glad you helped.

"Hey, do you think I can bring him by whenever he's chucked to me so you could take care of him?" Wooyoung asked, hand reaching for your spoon for a bite of your food which you relented but scoffed, "He's entrusted to YOU Woo," "Yeah, but think about what I can charge his dad knowing that not only you tamed this little hurricane, you actually got him to eat!" You stared at him slightly funny, amused and confused, "You talk as if he's such a disaster." Wooyoung knew you didn't know and he knew he could say what he said because he had extensive experience, but he rolled his eyes and nudged his hip with yours, "When you get that job at kq hospital, you'll know what I mean. You've got your interview date, right?" "Yup, got my resume ready too!" You grinned, heart fluttering slightly at the thought of returning to your normalcy. Seeimg you grinning made Wooyoung grin as well, glad that you were finally able to take a step forward after what happened in the past.

Your little moment of relief was cut short however when you saw Kijoong grabbing a squeeze bottle filled with chili sauce up to his face. As cute as he is, you really do hope you didn't have to take care of him anymore.

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[dorkydiaz]

i made a short post here referring to my own experiences and wanted to expand on it, you can reblog both of these posts btw. I am only writing this all down because the way some of you have spoken about chris and his decision very much bothers me. trust when i tell you i do not want to completely lay out my trauma on the internet for all of you to read, but if it makes one of you understand why this works, why it is important, then it will have been worth it to me.

When I was 12 my father was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia. the adults in my family and his doctors decided that it was best for him to be moved to a a full time care facility. The next year, and after hearing, seeing, and understanding my father's condition and where it would go, I, at thirteen years old, made the decision to say goodbye to him, that I did not want to hear about what levels of deterioration he had reached. I wanted to remember him as he was when he remembered me, and all the adventures and fun things we did together.

I made that decision. I made it because it was easier than watching him deteriorate, forget who his sister, his brother, my brother, my mother, and me. And I knew that at twelve and thirteen. It was never a decision I ever thought I would have to make, it wasn't a decision I should've had to make.

Now, the important part, over the next few years my decision was questioned and ignored by the adults in my life and even my brother, some of the questioning I can understand now that I am older, but it should have never reached the level it did. My aunt and uncle would openly discuss his condition over dinner when he came to visit, and I would run away to the restaurant bathroom and cry my eyes out until my mom came to get me. I was forced into visiting him in his care home, which ended with it causing far more harm than good. Only then was my decision somewhat respected, it took me being retraumatized for it to be taken seriously.

Despite all of that, I do not regret that decision.

I can't know how I would be different if none of that happened. But at this point in my live, eleven years and some therapy later, I am fairly certain I would be less traumatized, carry less resentment and anger, if maybe my mom had spoken up at those dinners and made arrangements to get updates without me next to her trying to enjoy my pizza. Had I not had to see my own father forget my name and then have some sort of mini medical emergency. Had my brother heard me in a way only a sibling could.

So, yes, Christopher at thirteen made a indefinite and truly most likely temporary decision to remove himself from an environment where he doesn't fully trust his sole and primary caregiver. He knows his dad loves him, Eddie made that so clear. And it could really be 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks, and so on and so forth until Christopher is ready to come home. And him knowing that Eddie respected his decision and loves him no matter what is what is going to make that time shorter. If he had walked out with his father begging him to stay, to forgive him before he was ready, the chances of him coming back would in my opinion would be far slimmer than the circumstances under which he did leave.

with that i leave you this, "yeah people go away. and it's sad. and it hurts. but you know, not everyone goes away forever. sometimes they come back. and as much as we miss them, that's how happy we are to see them again."

[fernsnailz]

February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return. 

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here. 

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

warnings: hospital setting, patient reader, probably medically inaccurate

authors note: I have my fingers crossed that this isn't inappropriate to anyone? I liked this idea when I was working on it before, but now that I’ve come back to it I wonder if it’s creepy. there's no romantic relationship so I think it should be fine but please let me know otherwise.

Med student Beomgyu who is in his second year of clinical placement at a hospital in the city, who enjoys the environment and is a stand-out pupil, is always on time for morning rounds. He's a little, maybe more than a little, disappointed when the resident in charge assigns him to checking the vital signs of a coma patient twice a day- it's nothing challenging or exciting, and he thought his skill level was valued more than this.

But, as instructed, every morning after rounds, every evening before going home for the night, he visits your room and measures your pulse, blood pressure and oxygen intake. After a week it becomes less of a chore for Beomgyu, part of his daily routine - maybe even a comforting part. Your room is quiet, calm, which is good for his mind that has to be constantly running in the field he's chosen. It's not long before he greets you by name when he enters the room, talks to you; I'm going to check your eyes now, let's take your blood pressure, you know the drill. He finds himself wondering if you can hear, starts asking more questions about comas when talking with teaching doctors, wanting to have a better understanding of your condition.

One afternoon, he receives a page with your room number and hurries up from the cafeteria where he was spending his break. There are people outside your room, some of them hugging and crying, and he recognises one of them as a regular visitor, a family member. The doctor on duty asks him to take your vitals for the last time and he sucks in a breath with a pang of sadness. All signs point to withdrawal of life support. As he walks through the door, he doesn't expect to see you open your eyes at the sound of his footsteps, propped up on pillows, no ventilator helping you breathe. He blinks a few times, as if he can't believe what he's seeing, which he sort of can't. "Oh," he says out loud without meaning to.

Your eyes brighten slightly as you recognise his voice, and you hold out your arm. "You can take my blood pressure, I know the drill."

written by mapofthemazeinthemirror - do not repost my work in any form

[lookatmysillies]

AREPH Main Facility - Eddy POV

Tallis was brought to the facility shortly after Round 7.

While his companion, the guard, Hayate, was dragged unconscious to the lower high-security floors that Eddy had yet to attain access to, Tallis was immediately transferred to the ICU. Usually, this space was reserved for injured workers, but Tallis was an exception. He was placed in the same bed that Eddy had been vacated from after a long rest and recovery following its near-death encounter with the target Solei. Or... whatever they were now. Eddy wasn't certain. It was still set on the idea that it could save them and bring them home after such a long absence.

While Eddy was slowly integrated back into the field, they lingered in Tallis's room during the long days. At first, they merely observed him; a real Alien Stage contestant, up close! It was a marvel. He was marked for death by his loss against the contestant Daiki with her edgy wit and charm, but AREPH must've had bigger plans.

Maybe they brought Eddy a friend after all this time. They hadn't had a friend for a very long time. Not since... not since him.

Eddy tried not to think too much about Sebastian most days. Some days they allowed themselves to look at his baby pictures and smile and tear up.

Tallis was a lot - well, bigger than Sebastian was, but he worked well as a friend all the same. Eddy clumsily re-braided his hair whenever his braids loosened in his unresponsive state. It checked Tallis's IVs and the bandages on his midsection, one for the first bullet (it definitely got him good, but only pierced the fatty tissue of his side) and another for the second, which had pierced his abdomen. The aliens who tended to Tallis's health joked that Eddy might as well be their boss, seeing as it was there even more than they were.

It read case files to Tallis to stimulate his mind, ate meals in his presence and told him that he would love the pudding from the caf once he woke up, studied his calloused fingers (how did they get so rough?) and gently wiped his face and neck with a wet cloth every now and then to keep him clean. When one day, Tallis was transported to the lower levels where Eddy couldn't go, it was sad to see its new best friend go. Waiting for him to wake up felt like it was taking forever.

When he re-emerged a few weeks later, he was still asleep - kept in a medically induced coma, the doctors told Eddy, for his health. They told him he should wake soon and put him in one of their medical observation rooms. Eddy couldn't braid Tallis's hair anymore, as it had been buzzed sometime when he was gone, but they could resume their usual routine.

Until Tallis did finally wake a few nights after Eddy monitored Round 16 to watch for Aurien and Solei.

And Tallis was not happy.

They got past the initial awkwardness after Tallis threw things at them the night he woke up and spit in their face. Tallis must've realized relatively quickly that he was surrounded by aliens and his best bet was to let the only other human stick around.

He rejected Eddy's friendly gestures for a solid week. He pushed away the warm washcloths and refused to eat much of the food Eddy offered him despite his gaunt, sunken appearance. The only times he addressed Eddy directly (or anyone, really) was to ask questions.

Where am I? The AREPH facility. Where's the facility? I'm so sorry, I can't tell you that! How am I alive? The guard saved you - I'm glad he did, too! Where is he, then? Undergoing treatment in the lower levels, then he'll probably be questioned. Are you going to question me? Soon, yes, we think you might have information pertinent to our investigations.

Tallis's jaw ticked at those words, and Eddy knew he knew what that meant.

Tallis had ties to high-profile figures.

(And that was the only reason he still lived, not because his life had any worth to anyone, but because he had information on the people who really mattered in the eyes of others.)

Which brought them to their first compromise.

Eddy wasn't technically allowed to show Tallis any information regarding Season 39 of Alien Stage. He was supposed to be in the dark.

But it broke Eddy's heart to reject him any information on his friends, Tov and Himei. He cared about them. He had a human connection with them, like Eddy had a human connection with Sebastian once upon a time.

"I'll be your friend if you tell me if they're okay," Tallis said ever so quietly one night from his bed, eyes wide and teary. "Just tell me if they're alive. Tell me how many of my friends are still alive."

And Eddy broke.

"Tov," Eddy whispered in his ear so no sound systems would pick up on it. "Himei, and all the others who won their rounds before you, all but Vera. Khoi." Tallis's eyes fluttered shut. "Lark, Akane, Jae, Lang, and Onyx."

Tallis's throat caught on a harsh swallow. "No Castor?"

Eddy hesitated, wishing not to have to be the one to confirm it.

"No Castor," it murmured, shrinking away when Tallis's face briefly crumpled, a single tear released from his eye. Then he wiped his face with his blanket like a small child might and forced a stoic look upon his face, though his lips still trembled.

"Tell me," Tallis said shakily, "who wins the next row. If you can."

Eddy couldn't turn him down again after that.

"I can."

AREPH had different plans.

Eddy didn't have to tell him one thing, because for Rounds 17 and 21, Tallis was placed on a chair in the observation room with wires and electrodes attached to his head. Eddy and a few others had already taken a few cracks each at getting Tallis to talk about his classmates and he had thus refused.

"Is this necessary?" Eddy whispered to the small alien named Yakun, chewing on the inside of their cheek behind their facemask. Tallis's face was nearly green with sick as the countdown to Tov's round whittled down, his friend about to meet the fate she was destined for either way.

Eddy hoped she won, for Tallis's sake and their own preferences. She was Eddy's favorite contestant. She was radiant.

"It is," Yakun told it. "If he won't tell us about his connections, we'll learn ourselves."

Tallis had already been irritable and jittery since he woke up from his coma. Now, he was downright mercurial as the round progressed live on a projector before him. He shook violently in his seat from the beginning till the end. When Lark hit the floor, he covered his eyes, his mouth moving in what could be some silent prayer. He only removed his hands when the announcer bellowed Tov's name.

Round 21 was worse. Like Round 17, Tallis's friend took the early lead and held it throughout, but also like Round 17, there was a wrench thrown into it. Instead of Lark falling to the ground, it was Himei, forced down by Noora. When Noora started raining punches down on Himei, Tallis, who had already been anxious the whole performance mouthing "something is wrong" promptly burst into silent tears, biting down on his fingers as Himei was hurt. The gunshot piercing Noora's neck almost seemed like a relief to him, making his teeth unclench from his flesh, dark bite marks left in their wake.

Eddy hated it.

That night, Tallis was utterly defeated, pale and shivering. He let Eddy clean his face, or maybe more accurately, he had no energy to resist it. He let them steal an extra blanket from an unoccupied room and put it on Tallis's bed.

Eddy watched over him that night, eyes fixated on his sleeping form, pierced by the familiar ache that came with connection.

Sebastian's pictures felt like they were burning against Eddy's leg where they rested in its pocket.

Not much more than a week later, Himei's long black curls were falling to the floor with each rhythmic snip of the scissors.

Daiki was dead. Himei had outlasted her. She won the stupid fucking game she was playing against herself.

But with every photoshoot and interview that came afterwards deeming Himei a member of the Elite Eight, declaring her better than Daiki, pitting her against Tov whose points count loomed ahead of her, Himei knew the truth.

Every time she glimpsed herself in the mirror and saw her bruised, sore face, she knew the truth.

Every time she laid eyes on Cirrus, whether in a magazine, on a billboard, or at mealtimes, she knew.

She didn't win.

She'd already lost, regardless of the outcome.

The morning of Round 24, she woke with a heavy heart.

She needed to see Tov.

Tagging time! Tov belongs to @ivanttakethis; Daiki belongs to @daiki1k; Sebastian belongs to @sotogalmo; Lark and Noora belong to @kamersona; Cirrus belongs to @cirrusoftheclouds. Everyone else is pretty much mentioned in passing, so I won't tag those people and spam their notifs, lol.

[neko-naruto]

Compact Confessional

Summary: Mysterion is holding something from the rest of the Freedom Pals. They should respect his privacy, they really should- but they only take it as a challenge.

Warnings: Suggestive themes, privacy breach, betrayal of trust, swearing, feral behavior (in Kite), the authors attempt at humor, heavy guilt, interrogation, it gets worse but then it gets better guys, I promise

Authors Note: hurgh K2, with the additional flavor of kitesterion because I went batshit over the AU to an insane degree. I have no clue when the Ao3 port is dropping. Sorry if some of the colored text, isnt colored. And fair warning, this badboy levels around 10K words, tumblr starts to lag around 7.5K for anyone curious. it is almost 3 AM (do artists ever stay up insanely late to finish big projects and get so sleepy they forget the hotkey for the eraser tool? I wouldn't know, but somewhere along the line I kept trying to write segue way with a Q because I was fucking disoriented) I need to go to sleep right the fuck now

Mysterion is keeping something from the Freedom Pals, he's keeping something from all of them. Maybe if he was willing to talk about it with someone everyone wouldn't find it so intriguing. Maybe then everyone wouldn't want to know what it is that's so fucking important that no one is allowed to know about it.

Super Craig tries to act like it's nothing super big, aware that if everybody paid no mind to it that it might come out faster. Tupperware followed suite with the idea, Wonder Tweek tagging in as well. Other members of their franchise were a lot less… subtle, about their interest in Mysterions secret, whatever it is. The Coon is practically begging him every single day to tell him what it is, Call Girl even joins in. Toolshed is pretty sure the both of them are just making things worse it they want Mysterion to come clean.

Human Kite is the only one that refuses to meddle at all, even Doctor Timothy has tried getting a peek in Mysterions mind. The alien is the only one that sits there and listens to him bitch about how annoying they are. The only one that pauses to look and listen and take in every visual and audible cue because that's what he's known to do since he first landed way back when. It tells him a lot about his teammates if nothing else.

Still.

Mysterion- no, Kenny McCormick is hiding something from his friends. And given the fact that it's barely coming out even when he's in a state of delirium or terribly wounded, it must be something big.

It's starting to piss off Kyle a little bit.

-/-/-/-

"Thanks for letting me hang out for a bit man," Kenny said as he pulled on his orange parka. He opted to leave his bleached cargo shorts and purple everything else in a pile on Kyles bedroom floor. It was easy to do that when the alien offered to wash them, "Chilling with Cartman all the time definitely does not do wonders for ones mental health."

Kyle gives a laugh, the kind that leaves teeth too sharp on full display. "Totally, I swear to fuck that asshole needs therapy," He stills his tail from wagging like he's a little kid, except, when he was a little kid he tied his tail up so it wouldn't be exposed in an all too human world. An extremely uncaring world for anything different then what they know as normalcy.

"He needs so much therapy," Kenny answered with, "See you tomorrow?"

"On our patrol, I'll make sure your suit is washed," Kyle said, throwing an arm to the side, an invitation for a hug. He wouldn't be sad if Kenny didn't take it, but he still can't help the way his heart skips several beats when he gets one. An anchoring tightness enveloping him, squeezing a comfortable amount on his rib cage that would hurt if he was human.

"Thanks Kyle," Kenny said quietly, head propped near Kyles shoulder but not quite tall enough to rest it on top. He pushes himself on his tippy toes to press the top of his head to the bottom of Kyles chin. He takes a dramatic step back and maybe Kyles tail is swaying a little bit with a silky soft comfort residing on his skin. He clasps his hands together, "Tomorrow."

"Yeah man, see you then," Kyle said, the instant he realized his tail was doing the thing he stilled it entirely. He felt a slight singe of cyan embarrassment. Stupid alien anatomy. Giving away how he feels.

Kenny pivots on his heel and gives a wave, "See ya man!" His steps are light and Kyle is watching with maybe a little bit too much intent.

He has zero legal rights to do so, but emotional and psychological rights? He has plenty. The first one being that he might've imprinted on Kenny the second his family landed on earth. He might've latched onto both Mysterion and Kenny like an orphan duckling in his childhood era of existing- so much so that he couldn't help the absolute giddiness when he learned they were the same. Maybe he got a little bit too attached to Kenny compared to everyone else in a human sense. But in an alien sense, in his instinctual sense, he was the perfect amount of attached considering how he thought of Kenny.

The second reason he stared was because Kenny had an undeniably amazing ass. That wasn't just personal opinion either, they held a vote after a particularly odd argument in the Freedom Pals lair. Kenny won by an absolute fucking landslide in the votes and voter fraud having taken place can't be confirmed or denied by anyone.

Except for Doctor Timothy of course.

And if there is a god, Kyle is praying everyday that the human one makes sure that Doctor Timothy doesn't look into the legitimacy of the votes.

Kyle barely drags himself back from his thoughts, he's been told he can get lost in them sometimes. His tail is wagging again, the multicolored diamond-like frills undulate a little bit. He swings the front door shut reluctantly when he can't see Kenny anymore. He tugs off his gloves and tosses them in a pile alongside his hat, letting the splotchy cyan coloration of his skin show. He makes his way up to his bedroom, but he finds his impossibly human little brother standing in his doorway.

"Ike, get out of the way," Kyle said sternly, giving a bit of a growl under his voice. His adoptive brother just quirks a brow in that annoying manner he learned from the humans.

Ike clears his throat, "No."

"Well why not?" Kyle questioned, growl snuffed and replaced with something louder and more resonant, it vibrated in his brothers flesh. It was something that Ike long since lost the ability to be intimidated by.

"When are you gonna stop inviting over your little posse of partners eh?" Ike asked, crossing one arm over the other. His tone was nothing but accusatory, Kyle saw through it.

"Are you jealous?" Came Kyles instant reaction.

"No," Ike responded with far too fast to be true.

"I'll play some video games with you on Thursday," Kyle offered.

Ike moved out of the way, "Enjoy wallowing in your disgusting room bud."

Kyle ignored him with nothing more than an eye roll, he made a point of slamming his door shut. He kicked aside a small heap of whatever, a mix of something or other he'd been intending to clean up. He gently picks up a small stack of comics Kenny had lent him and places them on his desk. Right beside the Mysterion charm. And the Mysterion action figure. And the other pieces of shitty Mysterion merchandise he had bought.

Okay, yeah, maybe he had a little bit too much Mysterion merchandise. He was just trying to put some extra cash into Kenny's pocket for when money is tight around the house. He just wanted to make sure his best friend was living a decent life, it wouldn't be enough to give him the life Kyle knew Kenny deserved, but it would help.

He takes hold of Kennys outfit and empties the contents of the pockets into a small bin. Loose change, granola bar wrappers, pocket knife, lock pick, the usual stuff he carried around for hero duties and then some. Kyle shakes the hood loose of any twigs or leaves and something large enough to clatter as it hits the metal netting of the bin falls out. His pointed ear gives a flick at the noise, he's dropping to the ground and pulling it out in a second.

He's completely enveloped in the mystery of what was hidden in Kennys hood because A: fucking genius hiding spot, and B: this could be what Kenny was hiding. It could be exactly what Kenny was trying so hard to keep under the radar, what he successfully kept hidden from everyone's prying eyes.

He came up with a tape, jet black, scratched plastic and a cracked see through window bit. There are silver markings across the black, seemingly unpredictable and laid out with either sharpie ink or a paint pen. The paper label is coffee stained and reads the date, recorded last month (why it's still on Kennys person is odd). The log number is left blank, presumably stated in the recording.

It was a jackpot and somewhere in the back of Kyles mind he knew he should ignore it. He knew this was shattering every rule in the book and that he'd be shattering his friendship with Kenny, Mysterion and Human Kite would probably stop being a dynamic duo at that.

But, he needed to know.

He absolutely fucking needed to know.

He wouldn't dare speak it too anyone ever, and he'd return it to the hood right afterwards. He wouldn't even tell Kenny that he listened to it, he'd just sleep at night knowing exactly what Kennys secret is. And that would be more than good enough for Kyle, he wouldn't need anything else.

He reaches blindly for his cassette player, the one he's held onto since he was young. One of his earliest earthly possessions, one he still cherished and used every day. He popped out the cassette already inside and gently placed the pilfered audio into it. He eagerly grabs his earbuds before pressing play.

Professor Chaos is pretty fucking sure doing this shit is helping out my mental state or whatever He doesn't know what he's dealing with He doesn't know that he's playing with fire trying to get me to spill my guts on his fancy therapy chair But, here I am, sitting on top of the police station fully decked out in my Mysterion persona just chatting it up with myself again

I already know exactly what the problem here is Chaos, the center of this massive shitfuck that even paid therapy couldn't fix!

I've probably said that a million times in every one of these stupid fucking recordings... shit I forgot to do that log date ha!

Ahem, log three, topic. Whatever comes out of my fucking mouth.

Kyle presses pause hesitantly.

Oh god.

This is an audio diary, just for spilling Kennys guts.

And he's listening to it.

He should stop. He really, truly, should.

But he doesn't.

Instead he presses play.

Where were we? Right, right, just saying whatever shit that comes to my mind . . . I'm pretty sure that Kyle thinks I can't see him stare at me whenever I fucking bend over or walk away I'm not complaining, I'm flattered really But jeez man just say it outright if you think I have a hot ass

The pause button is slammed this time.

Kyles face is burning up because Kenny knew apparently, he knew that Kyle stared at him at every chance he gets. He feels his stomach twist a bit because oh man, he got caught staring and Kenny didn't even mention. The usage of 'you' makes Kyle feel even more called out on the matter.

He could drop out now, maybe that's the secret, that Kenny knows he stares. He could sleep at night saying that's the thing he's keeping hidden.

I can't talk much if you put everything into consideration But still! Human Kite himself staring at my ass . . . That's fucking awesome if I'm being honest I would hope I'm being honest cause who else is gonna listen to the truth aside from this stupid tape

Like, I'm just doing whatever and I can feel it He is staring holes into me, somedays it's like he's hitting me with those fucking laser eyes! That'd be hilarious actually One second I'm loading a dishwasher and the next my ass is on fire because he couldn't help but stare The Coon would be laughing about that till he's dead

So would Toolshed

And Call Girl

And Mosquito

We'd all get a good laugh out of it

Except for Human Kite

I think he would die of embarrassment if he lit my ass on fire It'd be adorable Bright blue face, ears drooping the slightest bit, maybe his tail would do something I don't know He'd probably say sorry a lot All I know is that after I'm done putting out the fire I'd say "it's fine!" And then I'd think about how cute he looks for weeks on end

Fuck he's absolutely amazing in every sense of the word God, I'm supposed to use these to rant about my shitty family Not gush about my partner in heroics . Oh well

He's perfect! I swear on my mothers grave he is everything That grin he gets whenever he's about to blow someone sky high I can see almost all of his fangs when he does it, which are fucking scary by the way But I'll be damned if it isn't a little bit hot to think about He could kill me and I'll love him He could do absolutely anything to me and I'd still want him so fucking much

And!

And, and, and There's this little thing he does whenever he gets happy Where the weird bits on his tail like, shake? They move, his tail also wags But the frills don't move unless he's actually happy He can fake the wag but he can't fake the frills moving

It's so fucking cute and weird and different I love it

Anyways! This is South Parks number one worst superhero coming to you live from the top of the police station!

. . .

Shit I think someone heard me

Kyle is paralyzed as the tape ends, letting every single word soak into his brain. His tail is doing the thing, it's wagging. Every nerve in his body is alight and he feels his stomach twisting into knots. His claws are digging into the plastic of the tape player as he just stares. His eyes end up resting on his desk, his laptop, with all of his external attachments.

There's a rush to his movements as he grabs it and the oddest, most useless, thing he owns. A reverse recorder of sorts, a simple thing he crafted but never thought he'd have a chance to use. He flips open the top and jams the plug into it's socket before sliding the cassette as gently as possible into the gadget. He should not be doing this, he really shouldn't be doing this.

But he can't keep the cassette to keep hold of the audio, he needs too extract it if he ever wants to hear it again. Which is wrong, and bad, and he absolutely needs to stop but he isn't. He's clicking 'extract' and watching that loading bar fill up gratingly slow.

He places down his laptop gently and balls up the fabrics before leaving. There's a twist of wrong in his gut, but he ignores it as he swings open the washing machine door. He knows how fucking wretched this is, that he'll be absolutely ruined if anyone finds out. He won't be able to live down the shame of having anyone catch word that he knows the secret. That he knows what it is that's keeping Kenny wound up so tightly.

He'll just keep his mouth shut.

Real easy.

Real simple.

-/-/-/-

Kyle might be abusing the knowledge he garnered from the tape, maybe a little bit. He might be curling up next Kenny a little bit more than often, hunched under a flowing purple cape like a cougar despite the height difference. Just maybe he's resting his head atop Kenny's a little bit more than usual, purring a little bit louder whenever he comes into contact with Kenny.

He really doesn't care though, maybe there's a twisted sense of catharsis he gets from the knowledge that yes, it's reciprocated, despite doing nothing to change it. Being awkward homies acting like there's nothing going on below the surface is entirely acceptable and everything that he's wanted from Kenny the second his family landed. Definitely. Absolutely. He didn't imprint. He absolutely did not imprint. He killed off that instinct way back in fourth grade.

Right after he met Kenny.

One second too late. And he is one hundred percent sure everyone in his family can see it, even Ike! Except, the little shit will hold it over him if he gets a chance. Taunting and teasing that Kyle imprinted on his best friend instead of literally anyone else. Of course, the asshole knows better what with every member of his family sporting claws made to rend flesh.

"Kyle!"

The Broflovski perks up a bit at his name being called. Stan sits down across from him, sliding his safety glasses off as he does so.

"You good man?" Stan asked, Kyle nodded.

"I'm great, amazing even," Kyle said, he gestured vaguely as he spoke.

Stan stayed silent for a moment.

Kyle heaved a heavy sigh, "I think I fucked up the first day I landed."

"That was years ago, and just now it's affecting you?" Stan asked. He kicked up his feet to rest on the table.

"Yeah, and Kenny's sort of being an ass. He can trust us, he can trust us more than anyone else in this fucking town!" There's an exasperated exhale as he comes down from the near shout, "How come he's not telling us?"

Stan shrugged, "That's his business, if he doesn't want to tell us, just respect that."

"But-"

"Respect it," Stan pressed, "He might fess up to you first if you just give him time."

"I doubt it," Kyle muttered, barely loud enough for Stan to hear. His tail is snaking around his waist tightly. Tight enough he can feel it sting just a bit.

"Dude. Firstly, calm down," Stan said, Kyle glared at him. The ravenette simply gestured to the prehensile appendage squeezing the air from Kyle's lungs. He drops it, "Secondly, you're his best friend. If he's telling anyone it'll be you."

Kyle gave a hesitant nod, "Yeah, that makes sense."

Stan gave him a grin, comforting, grounding. He dropped down his feet and leaned over the table, holding out a hand. Kyle placed his atop Stan's, his hand was larger. Cyan tinted fingertips tapping along an open palm, "It's fine man, he'll tell us soon enough. It's not like he can keep a secret forever."

"No, you're right man. He can't keep a secret from us forever," Kyle said, a small grin on his face as Stan tightened his grip.

"Now stop stressing so much," Stan said, "Go get some calamari or whatever."

-/-/-/-

Kyle finds the next tape in a vent on top of Unplanned Parenthood while he's on a mission. He's quick to slide it into his pocket before Mysterion can notice. He can't just, jeopardize this discovery, he isn't even sure if he can call it a discovery if he's sure of what it is.

A shoulder collides with him and he stumbles just a bit. His arms are quick to push Mysterion right back up again. There's a crack down his lips and he looks to Kyle, "Get your head in the game, Kite!"

A blast of something or other comes straight at them and there's a brief second of hesitation before Mysterion is tossed out of the way and Kyle is ducking. The blonde is easily caught again and placed down, "Gladly," He takes Mysterion's hand, "Show me how?"

There's a smirk, bone chilling to many but it only makes Kyle's stomach flutter. Mysterion tightens his grip briefly, "Let's go then."

He's quick to launch Kyle forward with a running start, the alien tackling down whichever thug is on them now. Claws detract and tear through silver hued gloves as he snarls, easily dwarfing the goon. They're shaking as Kyle bares his fangs, tail thrashing about and body hunched in a predatory stance. Is he snarling? He is, he's proud of it too as he brings himself to be face to face.

He rears back on his knees, clawed hand raised and ready to slash. He goes to tear open their throat, but a grasp at the back of his collar prevents him. It short circuits him a little bit as the fabric of gloves press against cool skin.

"My friend here isn't exactly human," Mysterion said calmly as he released Kyle's costume. He stayed still and glanced up to Mysterion.

There's a shaky nod from the thug.

"Now, you have two options," Mysterion said. His tongue briefly slid between lips to capture the blood seeping from the crack. He circled around the dropped person a bit more, "Number one, you leave. You run to Canada, and never bother us again."

No response.

"Number two, Human Kite kills you. Right here," Mysterion snaps his fingers and as practiced Kyle gnashes his fangs with a growl, "Right now."

"I'll run! I'll leave!" The convict practically screamed.

"Fine, Kite?" Mysterion said. Claws come down atop the goons eye, deep enough to scar and maybe to go blind in one eye. Kyle stands up, red contrasting the cyan of his fingertips, he watches them run and revels in it.

Once they're far off, darting down staircases and running through the streets, does Mysterion take a seat. He drops down on the roof and Kyle takes a seat beside him, frilled tail wrapping around Mysterion's waist. A hand comes to push back the hood and he leans his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude, being a hero is so sucky," Kenny said with a light laugh, "I just wanna get killed sometimes."

Kyle gives a hum.

"I just come back anyways, but we seriously haven't faced anyone actually dangerous in years," Kenny said, gesturing vaguely as he spoke to drive in the point.

"Definitely," Kyle said, Kenny dropped down onto his back. Kyle leans back to meet him in eye contact.

"I miss when this shit was fun," Kenny said, a sigh on his voice as he spoke.

"I think that most of us do," Kyle answered with. His tongue, forked, flickered out for a brief second.

"You're just like a snake man," Kenny said.

Cyan rose to Kyle's face, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Like, your tongue. It looks like a snakes, forked," Kenny said, he did the spock thing with his hands as if to display forked. He stuck out his tongue at the same time, "It's really fucking cool. You got some scales right? And those weird little ridges on your back? All of those are snake-y things, Kyle."

"Yeah, cause I'm a freakish little dude," Kyle said extravagantly, as if to make his point he gave a set jazz hands, gloves off to expose to smallest bit of cyan webbing. He sticks out his tongue between too sharp teeth, "Absolutely monstrous."

"I'd hardly say 'little' is the word for you, ya six foot monster," Kenny taunted back, "And I love ya for that man."

Kyle barely beats down the intensifying flush on his face, "Well, won't stop me from being at least a little bit snake like. It's more fun to be a weird creature than a human anyways," He drops down and nudges Kenny's shoulder with his head until he sits up and nudges off the silvery cape. A hand rests in a tangle of red curls for a brief moment before the alien curls around Kenny's back.

"You're also very... Cat. Very feline. Very not human," Kenny said, words teasing but loving nonetheless.

He rested his hand on top of Kyle's head, gently sifting through a sea of red. He leaned back on his friends torso a little bit as he brought a second hand to run through Kyle's hair. He shifted around a bit to rest almost on his knees, facing Kyle just a bit more. His side pressed to Kyle's lower rib cage, his hands didn't leave the redheads hair for a second. He slid down his friends face just a bit, callused thumbs briefly brushing over the ever sensitive auricle fins he had. Were they fins? Not quite, just cyan flares at the base of pointed ears.

He let his fingers scritch just past the back of Kyle's ears, resting atop the buzzed patch of hair. Olive green eyes fluttered shut as Kenny just rubbed right there, the sweet spot. He slumps into Kenny's hands, chin resting at the heel of his palm (he can't see the gentle smile on Kenny's face).

The blonde nearly explodes when Kyle starts to purr. It starts soft, but it slowly grows, shaking Kenny down to his core with his side pressed against Kyle's diaphragm. Or his lungs. Or his whatever it is that makes that wonderful rumbling sound giving Kenny enough serotonin to live forever. He already will, but this is making that eternity sound a lot more bearable. Then he hears a thudding- three, soft thumps before it resets and happens again. His tail is wagging, Kyle really likes being scratched behind the ears apparently.

Kenny's pretty sure he's falling asleep with the pads of his finger, despite being rough and scratchy, gently rubbing behind his ears. He lifts his fingers for a second too long and Kyle opens up his eyes, "Why'd you stop?" He sounds groggy and disappointed, he stops purring.

Kenny picks up the motions, "You were falling asleep," He tosses his cape over Kyle's form.

Kyle lazily blinks, one eye, then the other. He shrugs the best he can, "And?"

"Good point," Kenny said on a hum as he twirls a finger through curls, a light tug.

Kyle's tail starts to thud again and he's sure the afterglow of this will never fade.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's feeling a little bit guilty about tuning into this tape.

Not nearly enough to make him stop though.

He drops down on his bed comfortably, he doesn't even bother to put in his earbuds. His parents are out for the weekend, his brother is at Kenny's to hang out with Karen, presumably fishing. He knows that he's bound to get a call from Ike sometime in the night for a ride, for Ike, Karen, and maybe even Kenny if it's really rough. But, he'll have enough time to listen to the entirety of it.

He presses play.

I think shits getting worse I'm not using these things properly I should be using these for literally anything else! I could talk about how much I worry about my sister, or my money problems, or whatever!

But I'm still using these tapes for just a few little things

Mostly talking about Kite Not gonna use his actual name this time cause someone heard me last week I'm pretty sure I ran them out of town For good

Do I feel bad about that?

Absolutely not

Gotta protect a mans privacy, even if that means blood and intimidation Which uh, I swear it didn't involve blood This time at least

Now, log number... nine? I'm pretty sure this is number nine I would go back and check 'em all out again, but I lost one of them No clue where the little fucker went But it's gone

Kyle pauses the tape. There's missing ones- he needs to find it before Kenny does. He can just put it back later, like he'll do with this one after he's done thoroughly listening to it. He put back the last one, slid it back into the hidden pocket and acted like it never happened.

Of course, since then he's always checked the hidden pocket whenever he got a chance to do so. But, he's been unlucky in terms of finding any up until this one which leaves him with the idea that the rest have been planted around town. He shuts off his rampant train of thought- he is not going to try and sleuth out all of the tapes. He still has some respect for Kenny's privacy, he still has some intention to keep their friendship intact, and most importantly, he still has full intention of never acting on any of what he hears in said tapes.

That would give away that he's been listening to them, a risk he can't take. He clicks the button again.

Look, I always knew Kite was a weird one Everyone does The guys alien, so we cut him some slack on human things that go mostly unspoken

Conversational subtext, call frequency, having beer on ice- simple shit

And in turn, we also try to learn a bit about his species culture I don't even know if species is the right word Does that make me racist? Are aliens even a race to be racist against? Could I even discriminate if only... Three, exist on earth?

So many questions, so little time

Of course, there isn't exactly a lot about his kind I doubt there's a lot of his kind His mom keeps making quips about how all of them would come to earth if it was easier to integrate But honestly? If you just got rid of the alien extremities I would not be able to tell that Kite isn't human

Same with his parents The lot of them blend in perfectly Don't know why she stresses so much And even if they didn't, they have a human to vouch for them A bunch of humans actually

There's a brief pause where Kyle let's himself think about that for a moment. He's never had a chance to think about it before. He doesn't really dwell on it for longer than a minute, flipping himself onto his stomach. His tail lazily sways back and forth as he listens/

I think I got off point there

Allow me to relocate and get back to what I was supposed to be talking about

. . .

There is a fucking line, Kite! You stay on your side of the line! You can't just walk over to my side! Just waltz on over like you own the fucking place! And just, act like it's no big deal! You just sit down right next to me. Like. Right next to me, are thighs are fucking pressed against each other and you lean into me! You just, push your head up against my shoulder like a fucking cat until I give you attention

Which I always do I'm weak

And then you start purring, and your tail does a dumb little wag! And I'm sitting there, begging and pleading, that I don't do something dumb You're putty in my fucking hands Asking me to just shower you in attention! I do, I always do- I always sit there and give you attention

Whatever it is you want I'd give it to you I'd do it for you Anything, for you

The voice softens just a bit, lowering itself. He sounded so very, very mad. Not even mad, just agitated. His voice is heady, wrapped into the narrative he's spinning so accurately. Kyle feels his stomach flip at the words droning so deeply into his skull. The notions made his skin tingle, heart pulsating so very fast he wouldn't be shocked if it exploded all at once.

But no! I stay on my side of the line Like a good boy

Because I don't wanna freak him out Or scare him off

I feel like such a fucking perv And I am a bit pervy I am fully aware of the fact that I am known to stare if someone fine is walking by

But.

To stare at Kite? To want Kite?

It definitely caught me off guard

And he isn't human He doesn't get it I touch him I feel like I'm dirtying him Even if it's just a high five! I have too much on mind for this shit

I see that idiot and you know what I wanna to do?

Do you even wanna to know what I want do to him?

Kyle slams the pause button, he can feel his nerves shoot up in shock. His tail has went from lazily thumping back and forth to wagging like that of a dogs. The minute ridges on his back are shaking, just a bit. He may be mildly cold-blooded, but right now he really can't tell.

He looks down at his hands and they're entirely cyan, normally just a little bit at the tips. The hue shoots up his forearms. He can practically hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest, the sound bangs back and forth in his skull.

Oh.

Oh he's opened up a massive can of worms with this tape.

He keeps listening

I'd just

.

I would-

.

Fuck man I can't even say it out loud I don't know what I was thinking!

I'm sitting on top of city hall and I was about to go off about how I'd fuck him!

Could I even fuck him? Are the species compatible? Do aliens even have reproductive organs?

They must They totally do How else do they, how do they reproduce? Eggs?

. . . Nasty

But I would fucking worship him I would do whatever he asked me too Even if he's too unversed in human reproduction to ask me too fuck him up I'd still do what he asks me too

You wanna go out at that new pizza place that charges by the minute? Let's go darling

You wanna go check out the newest arcade cabinet? Baby, the cars already running

You want me to get your logo as a tramp stamp? I might not do that one actually . That's a lie I'd do anything for him

. . .

God, I'm such a mess I need real therapy

Kyle has long since buried his face in a pillow to muffle his screams (although they're closer to high pitched squeals) and cover his ears. He feels like he's running a fever, a really, really bad fever. Every square inch of his body is on fire and he can't care much that he's clawing into his pillow, downy soft feathers spilling from gouges.

He's drawing a blank.

A complete and utter blank.

He hears the click signalling it's over and he feels his stomach twist in regret.

It's a lot easier to hide that you know something if said something isn't... that, whole thing that just happened. His ears are ringing a little bit as the words ping around the sides of his head, like a game of Pong. The pillow is still keeping his face covered as he rolls onto his back, then his side, then his front, and his side again, knees pressed flush against the wall. Fuck, he feels like he's sixteen all over again, and that was just three years ago! He's too young to be having moments like this.

He mechanizes his breathing, eyes wide open as he stares at the darkness of the space themed pillow case in front of him. Sheer darkness with the occasional blip of a lighter hue. His tail is still thrashing, whipping back and forth madly, he's sure it would scuff the wall if it hit it.

He has to come down from his safe space eventually. Even if that safe space is merely a pillow pressed to his face.

He tosses aside the pillow and rolls onto his back and just stares at the ceiling.

His entire existence has officially been flipped on it's head.

He hears his cell phone ring and he reaches for it, answering before even checking whose calling. He gives a cracked, "Hello?"

"Dude are you good? You sound like you've just been crying," Came Kenny's voice, concern laid on thick.

Kyle nearly hangs upon the spot but instead he bites his tongue and doesn't say a word.

"Look man, dads being a bit of an ass, and Ike was wondering if you could come pick him up for the umpteenth time," Kenny said. He gave a hum, "Could Karen tag along?"

"Totally man," Kyle answered with as he sat up, trying so hard to still his tail. It swiped back and forth atop the blankets, he felt a little bit wrong about not telling Kenny what he knew right now. But, this is a bad time to do that, any Kyle can lie his way out of it again. He hesitates before adding, "You need an escape too?"

"It'd be nice, but you already sound tired. Did I catch you at a bad time? Were you perhaps 'jacking it', my fine, alien friend?" Kenny asked tauntingly, his smugness was palatable.

Kyle wished he could just say 'yeah' and move on instead of carefully think over his next words. Life would much simpler if his head didn't catch on the usage of 'fine' in referral to himself. His mouth felt dry but he choked out some words anyways. "Dude, what makes you think I even have a dick? I got that weird ass alien biology, don't I?""

There's a laugh on the other side, "Hey man, not all of my shots are gonna be spot on. But really, if you don't want me over I won't come," There's an tenderness to his voice and the contrast to the almost gritty and desperate tone he had on the tape gives Kyle whiplash.

"You can if you want too, but I'll probably pass out pretty fast," Kyle lied. He'd just lay in bed, wide awake, for potentially hours with Kenny on the floor beside him. That's how it usually went at least.

"Going full on feral like you did earlier takes a lot out of you, doesn't it?" Kenny asked.

Silence.

"Silent treatment, did I strike a nerve bud? Regardless, we'll be out front in ten," Kenny said, "I can make you some hot coco if you'd like."

"That'd be nice," Was Kyle's weak response.

-/-/-/-

The night was a lot more tense than either of them wanted it to be.

They usually shared a hug before actually getting into bed and trying to pass out. And if not that then Kyle would subtly demand some time to just, co-exist, in very close proximity to each other. In even more minimal situations, they would just share some words of 'love you bro' and call it a night.

None of that transpired.

"I can just go home man," Kenny offered at the break of two AM.

Kyle rolled over to the edge of his bed, leaning over it just a bit, "It's fine."

"Is something wrong? Cause like, you've just been acting... off, lately," Kenny said gently as he propped himself on his elbows, both resting on his pillow.

"Nothings wrong," Kyle said, he crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, "I am gonna ask my parents some questions when they get back."

"About what?" Kenny asked quietly, as though he were afraid of shattering the night if he spoke too loud. The navy walls cast deep blue across the room, reflecting the moonlight in a comfortable darkness.

Kyle stayed silent.

"Alien stuff?" Kenny asked.

Kyle nodded, "Yeah, alien stuff."

"Fun," Kenny answered with a scoff. He dropped back down again and turned to face Kyle, Kyle's bed frame at least, "But for real, you're just- somethings going on in your head. I can tell."

Kyle shrugged, "It's stupid."

"I won't judge man, you're my best friend," Kenny said. And he said it in such a way that for a brief second Kyle forgot about the tapes entirely.

"How are you supposed to talk to someone about something you don't want too?" Kyle asked, trying to withhold and give equal amounts of information.

Kenny paused, "Work out the words in your head. Practice once or twice, maybe even record it. Figure out what needs to be reworked. Write it out if you must- just get it out of your head."

Kyle nodded.

"Trust me man, the second it's out of your head and off your shoulders, life will be easier," Kenny explained reassuringly, "Even if it's only for a second or two."

"Thanks bro," Kyle said quietly.

"Least I can do," Kenny said.

There's a beat of hesitance, "Love you man."

"Love you too," And then Kenny turns away from him, tugging the blanket up to his shoulders.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's pretty sure that Kenny is onto him at this rate, but, he tries to ignore the terrible slithering sensation that he's been caught.

He just focuses on whatever comes next.

This time it's none other than The Coon himself deciding he needs to bring something up with Kyle. Silence drenches the room in the worst way possible as he sits across from the hybrid. Furred ears are swiveled to face Kyle and it makes him feel impossibly nervous, he knows that Cartman can hear his heartbeat. Can it hear pick up speed when Stan sits down beside him, even more so when Wendy joins.

And then Clyde, Timothy, Jimmy- all on one side of Cartman.

Tweek and Craig sit down on the side with Wendy and Stan, Scott as well.

"We know you figured it out, Kyle," Cartman said calmly, tone frigid in a way that makes Kyle feel paralyzed. The hybrid clasps his hands together in front of himself on the table.

"Figured what out?" Kyle snaps back with, trying his hardest to muster the usual snarkiness he has around Cartman. Bute he fails, miserably at that. He just sounds pathetic, grasping at straws if nothing else.

"Don't play dumb," Wendy said, she sounded sharp. She may be tough as nails, and normally Kyle respects that, admires it even, but when it's directed towards him? He gets why people run from Call Girl.

"Why in the cosmos should I tell the likes of you?" Kyle answered with, feebly trying to defend Kenny's privacy.

A privacy that he had already thoroughly breached and ravaged, alongside the unspoken trust they had. He had wrecked it, ruined it, destroyed it- but he could salvage it from the fact Kenny didn't know that Kyle knew.

"You can trust us, Kyle. We're your best friends," Clyde said. And he was right, he was so right.

Kyle's tail snaked itself around the chair leg, "Really guys, I don't know what you're talking about-"

"His secret, Kyle," Cartman said, "Tell us."

"I," He hesitated, "I can't."

"You've already fucked up your relationship with him enough, Kyle. I got Wendy to do a deep dive on your species, and of the few things she could find, she discovered this," Cartman said. He raised a folder, an awful beige and orange hue, and slid it over to Kyle.

The alien hesitantly took it. It was three pages thick, presumably doubled sided. He opened it and skimmed through the headings, he knew every single trait in and out. He paused at the highlighted one, "You're joking."

"This is serious man," Stan said, "We wouldn't just accuse you of imprinting of Kenny without any basis."

"That's stupid. He's my best friend. That's all, that's our dynamic- the kind of dynamic that rakes in loads of cash," Kyle defended with, hoping that pressing on Cartman's one pressure point would make him let up. He slammed the folder shut and slid it back, "Even if I did imprint on him, it would ruin the franchise and never be reciprocated."

"Then tell us what the secret is, you have nothing to lose, no? Just a friend, they come and go on earth," Cartman said. He was calling Kyle's bluff, did he even realize it? He probably did, or if he didn't, he'd snoop until he did.

"Ask Professor Chaos instead, he knows more," Kyle said, trying so, so hard to deflect. The tension pooling everywhere under his skin was agonizing. He needed an out so bad, he needed an escape so, so fucking bad.

Cartman scoffs, "Already done, he said he was sworn to some oath of secrecy, sent us to you."

Kyle stays silent, forcing eye contact with the sleaze in front of the him. The trash eater himself, scraping tactics from the bottom of the barrel.

"Just tell us, no harm will come from it," Cartman said sternly.

"It'll destroy my friendship with Kenny," Kyle snarled out.

"No new harm will come from it, we all know the damage has been done my friend, it's just yet to be discovered," Cartman said, words cutting into Kyle like a knife.

He bites his tongue, Cartman's right, "Give me a week to collect more information on the subject, then I'll report back with the news."

There's a smug and satisfied grin on Cartman's face as he leans back, "See? That wasn't so hard, was now?"

Kyle stands up and pushes away from the table, "I'm going."

"Don't forget about your patrol with Mysterion tomorrow evening, Kite!" Cartman calls out, head leaned back on his chairs backrest.

Kyle's tail is swaying angrily, "Fuck off."

His fangs are grinding against each other as he storms off, if it weren't for the fact he was in suit he would punt the closest chihuahua like a football. Or do something else just as dumb. Maybe kick a fire hydrant and hope it doesn't dent, or punch a tree. Something to make the tense feeling uncoil, to let himself just relax for one second.

He doesn't deserve that though.

He's been uprooting the very foundations of his friendship with Kenny, all because of some morbid curiosity. And Kenny doesn't even fucking know. Kyle is just getting away with it cause he's being awfully slick with how careful he is to put everything back exactly where he found it.

The worst part is how long it's taken for him to feel genuine guilt about it if nothing else. He's such a fucking snake, biting onto his relationship with Kenny and refusing to let go. Sinking fangs deeper and deeper, searching for more even though it's cannibalizing itself. And the first taste is all that it takes to get someone hooked, shame that the thing he got a taste of was metaphorical guts. Kenny just hasn't realized he's stuck in this ouroboros of a relationship.

Despite that, a really twisted and messed up part of him persists in wondering when he'll find the next tape.

-/-/-/-

He finds the next tape almost a week after the interrogation.

Although, we're using the term 'find' rather loosely here. Instead it sort of, fell directly into his lap. And despite knowing better and not wanting to go any further, he still held onto it and didn't let go.

"Thanks for washing my gear man," Kenny said as he stood at the door, Kyle held the bundle of purple fabrics in hand.

He gave a smile, as convincing as he could manage, "No problem man, least I can do."

"See ya tomorrow bro," Kenny said before pivoting on a heel to leave which struck Kyle as odd. The blonde usually loitered for a little bit, chatted casually about whatevers on his head. But none of that came today.

Still, Kyle closed the door and walked down to the luandry room before shaking out the purple. There was that clatter, plastic against unfinished flooring, it was just concrete at the moment. He tossed in the clothing and flipped on the spin cycle with a bit of lavender scented soap. He slid down the front of the washing machine and stared at the tape.

He shouldn't.

He really shouldn't.

He does.

He grips the tape and slams it into the player and hits the play button before he can further question his actions.

I know you're hearing this, Kyle I don't know how long you've been listening to my diary for But it's you It has to be you

Kyle swears his heart stops dead in its tracks. He barely registers that the grit Kenny forces when he's acting out Mysterion has disappeared. That this is just Kenny now.

Who else would be messing with my tapes They're never just right when you put them back You leave scuff marks on the plastic I can fingerprint things, Kyle

I planted this one And log number twelve The rest though? I don't know how many of those you've heard

I'll admit I never meant for number three to fall into your hands I just thought you'd be kind enough to not listen in

. . . How wrong I was

And it's a real shame too You better not have told the rest of the team, Kyle I will make you regret every single breath you've taken if you have

But, that's only if I can get that intel from the gang Do be warned that Cartman is very easy to persuade It won't take me much longer than ten minutes to make him crack

The rest will go even faster Although, I'd give Wendy much longer Craig? He'll be shattering in seven minutes, tops Tweek? Three, maybe four Stan? He trusts me more than you'd expect, he won't even fight

I hope I was right about you being smart, Kyle

Kyle's blood turns to ice.

He is so fucked.

At least he didn't tell Cartman.

You already know my big secret And you have two options, Kyle

Option one: Meet me at Starks Pond tonight to confirm how you feel about the contents of these logs. I'm probably sitting there right now

Option two: Don't. This horrible relationship limbo can remain just like this, on my end I've been stuck here for years

Look, Kyle, what you've done here You're forcing my hand I don't have any other options

Do what you want

I clearly can't stop you

The tape is flung from the cassette player to the other side of the room, it hits the wall and cracks. A thousand regrets pool in the pit of Kyle's stomach and he wants to vomit. He also wants to curl up in a ball and die. Or live in Cartman's basement instead, those are all good options.

But in the same breath...

He's being given a choice when he was sure this whole thing he had with Kenny would simply implode, collapse in on itself and die. He has one chance to make this better than it is. He'll never be able to make this right, but, he can at least try and reinforce the breaking pieces before it's entirely broken.

He picks himself up off the ground and starts on his way up the stairs. He freezes at the door, is he gonna do this? Is he gonna go out to Starks Pond and talk like he should've far too long ago?

Yeah, yeah he fucking is.

The real question is if he's actually gonna say whats been fueling his co-dependency with Kenny for so long.

He isn't sure if he'll manage to fess up to the stupidest biological function he has. He'll try, he'll make an attempt to explain exactly what's been conspiring inside of his head without him even realizing for so many years. He'll at the very least get out a couple words to explain the dumbest thing he's been roped into by his own genetics and unfortunate timing.

-/-/-/-

The ever-present snow and ice crunches under Kyle's boots, but that's the last thing he's focusing on. His eyes are trained ahead of hi as he walks along the edge of Starks Pond. His tail is still, a very rare occurrence.

When he reaches the edge of the pond that Kenny's standing at he's lost his words. The blonde is just staring at him, looking for tells. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his orange jacket, bright orange, pumpkin orange. Kyle can't focus on anything.

"It worked, you nosy little shit," Kenny said, words weaponized with ease.

"Yeah, it worked," Kyle said. He took a step closer, "I'm sorry," and then another, "For everything really," A third step and Kenny tenses, flinching back just a bit. In turn Kyle steps back.

"For what? Did you tell them?" Kenny asked defensively. He sounded scared more than anything else.

"I know better than that Kenny, they did interrogate me though," Kyle explained stiffly.

Kenny gives a hum, "That gets that problem out of the way."

Kyle nods, "Yeah, that it does."

"So, you listened to three, nine, twelve, and seven, right?" Kenny asked.

"Sorry," Kyle said.

"At least have the decency to dignify me with an answer man, you just fucking ruined me. I had to record that final tape five times before it was good enough to use. I swear to god, normally I'd cut you some slack and now you know why, but not this time," Kenny spat sharply, "So, you listened to those tapes, right?"

"Yep, the four that you listed," Kyle said, his attempt to stay professional just made him sound stiff and disjointed.

This time Kenny faltered before speaking, "And your opinions on them?"

"Positive," Kyle answered with faster than a bullet. His tail flicked as he spoke.

"Anything else?" Kenny asked, desperation heavy on his voice. Thick like molasses.

"I think I imprinted on you- which means something different then it does for the ducks!" Kyle was quick to backtrack on his words, Kenny just looked intrigued, "My species has a 'thats the one' instinct. If we find the right person, it activates, and according to my parents at least, it's usually subliminal. When we landed, I imprinted on you- so, to me, you're the one. And for all I know, unless you die and stay dead, that stupid ass hormonal flux won't go down."

Kenny stayed silent.

"I'm stuck fixating on you until one of us dies, my kind mates for life, and unless I submit myself to experimental science the animal part of my brain is gonna keep screaming that you're mine. Which is kind of annoying, and dumb, and gets in the way- and I didn't even realize it until I found that first tape. I've just been infatuated with you since grade four and I don't know how to make it stop," Kyle spilled, some words meshing together in a blend of syllables. Cyan progressively rose to his face the entire time he spoke. He dropped down to the ground, facing away from Kenny and towards the water, "I'm so fucking sorry Kenny."

Kenny took a few tentative steps closer to where Kyle sat, his tail lay curled around him yet limp on the ground. His ears were drooping a bit and he looked ashamed of himself, a little bit distraught at that. "I'm not gonna disown you, Kyle. That'd just be fucking stupid."

"I didn't mean to ruin your life man, you could've been scoring. God, I probably scared off so many people without even realizing it," Kyle choked out weakly. He pressed his nails into the heel of his palm, "I swear I didn't mean to imprint on you. I swear man- I can try and suppress it."

"It's fine, Kyle," Kenny said as he crouched down beside Kyle. He bumped their shoulders together.

No response.

Okay, that was worrying. It struck a particular chord in the depths of Kenny's chest. One very, very similar to the 'my sister is hurt' chord, which unlocks a specific subset of reactions. Those reactions include:

A: Unbridled violence on whoever caused this B: Giving tried and true advice C: Terrible jokes and playful punches D: Just listening with or without a glass of warm milk

None of those options seem optimal, so Kenny improvises.

"I mean, the whole 'imprint' thing doesn't bother me," Kenny said as he sat down behind Kyle. His knees were bent and he rested his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude I fucking ruined your life," Kyle got out quietly, his tail snapped to punctuate his sentence. It wrapped itself around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Beg to differ," Kenny said as he slowly raised his hands up. He gently placed them at the base of Kyle's skull, he tensed but didn't move. Kenny slowly rubbed circles in just behind Kyle's ears in the hopes it would calm him down.

Kyle leaned back into Kenny a bit, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Half of those tapes were me going off about how much I adore you and want you, Kyle. I know you have a brain in there, put it to some use," Kenny said, a small grin on his face as he spoke. He could feel Kyle start to purr, "Just think about it."

Kyle paused for a moment, to just let all of the data sink in. He felt like a total idiot when the conclusion formed in his head, "Oh."

"Yeah," Kenny answered with, "Good thing."

"I'm such a fucking idiot," Kyle said with a laugh on his voice. He squeezed a bit tighter around Kenny's leg, constricting, like a snake, "Can't wait to confirm my families suspicions."

"Do they think we're a thing?" Kenny asked as he combed his fingers through Kyle's hair.

Kyle nodded, "Probably, apparently I've been signalling some very, very vulgar and subtle things to you with my tail for the past six years. I didn't even notice my tail was moving half the time, but it was- mom and dad had to explain that to me which was fun."

"Did you stop?" Kenny asked.

"Naw, definitely not," Kyle answered with smugly, "You never knew anyways."

Kenny gives a hum, "I would say I was giving some vulgar signs myself, but humans don't have a good way to do that discretely."

"I've noticed," Kyle said, "I can read half of you like books with all the tells each of you have."

"Guess Ill have to be even more mysterious so the guys don't catch on," Kenny said as Kyle started to purr, the vibrations rapidly picking up in volume. It felt nice.

"They aren't idiots dude," Kyle said, "They'll catch on soon enough."

"Or we could just walk in there holding hands one day, wait for someone to point it out and go 'yeah we're dating now' and just act like nothing has changed," Kenny said, "Even if we don't go to the movies or eat out at restaurants- that'd be funny."

"We'll see what happens first," Kyle answered with. He holds his breath for a beat, "Love you, Kenny," There's a veritable depth to the words now.

"Love you, Kyle," Kenny answered with the same as he always has, Kyle just never noticed the subtext. He presses a brief kiss to Kyle's forehead.

-/-/-/-

Stan is the first one too notice that Kyle and Kenny are different. A good different though. They're more synced up on the field, better at silent communication, just predicting each other in general. It definitely benefits the team as a whole for the crime-fighting, but whether or not the development is good for the franchise is a whole other story.

He's the first one to ask around about it too.

"Hey Wendy, Kyle and Kenny-"

"Are acting off? I noticed," Wendy said, cutting Stan short with ease. She glanced up from her phone, "I'm already scouring about for details."

"Anything actually come up?" Stan asked.

Wendy shook her head, "Nope, you'd assume that there'd be something; but most searches are coming up dry."

"Worth a shot," Stan said with a sigh.

"You should go ask Craig, he's pretty close to Kenny," Wendy offered up and before she could finish her sentence Stan was looking for Craig.

He was sitting at his desk as usual, cruddy costume and all.

"Craig whats up with Kyle and Kenny?" Stan asked.

And without skipping a beat Craig answered with, "They're homosexuals, Stan."

"What?" Came Stan's dead response, words hollow and in disbelief.

Craig nodded to the aforementioned duo walking in, "Go ask why they're holding hands."

Stan faltered.

"Listen, if you're afraid I'm right you should've asked out Kyle sooner to avoid it," Craig blatantly accused, the words forced the air from Stan's lungs like a sucker punch.

Now aware that Craig is going to keep mentally gut punching him, Stan just heads on off to Kyle and Kenny. They are indeed holding hands, and Kyle's tail is wrapped around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Look, you two," Stan began with.

"Yeah man, what's up?" Kyle asked, and he's hiding a grin poorly. He's sure that it adds to the confusion Stan is displaying.

Kenny was right.

This is pretty fucking funny.

"How come you guys are holding hands?" Stan asked quietly.

"Kyle imprinted on me," Kenny said bluntly, "We're dating now."

"How long has this been going on for?" Stan asked.

Kyle shrugged, "A month, we were waiting for you guys to notice."

Craig gives a smug, "Told you so!" from his desk.

"Were you guys betting on what was happening?" Kenny asked, an undertone of a snicker to his voice.

"No, even if we did Craig would've won," Stan said spitefully.

Kyle grins a bit, "No need to be sour man, you can still break the news to Cartman, I'm sure it'll be hysterical to see his reaction."

"Dude. Let's go find Cartman," Kenny said eagerly, he was practically vibrating where he stood. Hes grinning that gap tooth grin, "I need to see his reaction right now."

"Wanna tag along?" Kyle asked, holding out a hand to Stan.

He refrained from taking it, "Totally man."

Craig sidles up beside the three of them, "I got a camera to record it."

[askbensolo]

So... Hows ur mom?

…Where do I start.

So…uh…as you know, I was…not very responsive last week. I had a couple of missed calls from Mom, which happens so often when I’m mentally well anyway, that I guess it just doesn’t worry her anymore.

But I called her back. And, since the last time we talked went really well—she basically agreed that she didn’t need to hound me as much, because she knew she could trust me to tell her if I’m ever in trouble—I was honest with her about…about my little sadboi week.

I haven’t had an episode like that in a long time. The last time I got that depressed was two years ago, in senior year of college, when I was facing graduation and didn’t know what I was doing next.

It was bad. It happened during midterm season, and I literally just failed all my midterms that semester. All of them. I showed up for one of them hungover (don’t drink when you’re depressed don’t drink when you’re depressed), showed up for the next with an active panic attack, and then when I saw how horrendously I did on both I stayed in bed the rest of the week and didn’t even show up to take the other three because I was convinced my life was just over at that point—

Which was so stupid of me, because this is my second time getting hired, and no one has ever asked me about my GPA, not even once—

But anyway—all that to say—ever since that time in college, I’ve had a great track record of, you know, not wanting my life to end.

So...I don’t know why it hit so hard last week. I think maybe it was just too much at once. Getting the flu and being bedridden and not being able to do anything I love, missing Fannie and not having any sentient contact for several days, thinking about my new job and my new roommate and my new relationship (situationship?) and thinking to myself—wow—I am winging it—I don’t know what the hell I’m doing—I’m not a real grown-up, I’m just three kids in a trenchcoat—

So anyway. I told Mom about getting depressed. And...she got really worried. And she asked tons of questions.

“Did you have anyone with you?”

“No, Poe delayed his move-in since I was sick.”

“Did you message anyone for help?”

“No. Mom, you know how it works—”

"Did you reach out to your therapist?"

"Mom, I'm not her client anymore—"

"Do you still have access to the university counseling services?"

"Why would I, I graduated—"

"Did you try to see your doctor?"

"For the flu, or for the depression? Because the doctor wouldn't have been able to treat either—anyway, no—"

“Were you eating?”

“Uh. No—”

“Were you suicidal?”

And I stopped and didn’t say anything for a second, because, well, it’s not really that simple; it’s not always a yes or no question—but a second’s hesitation was too long for Mom, I guess, and her eyes flew open, and she said, alarmed, frightened, in a voice like an approaching tempest, “Ben Organa Solo.”

“Mom,” I said, trying to stay calm, trying to keep her calm, “Mom, listen. I know it sounds scary. But you gotta understand that there’s, like, levels to it. I had thoughts, flying around in my brain, sure, but I was never going to do anything—”

“No,” she interrupted, as seriously as if I currently had a blaster in my hand. “No. No. No. You should have called me.”

“Mom. Mom. What am I gonna do, call you while you’re on the senate floor just because I’m sad—”

“If you’re suicidal? Yes. Or call Dad. Call emergency services. Call anyone.”

“Mom. I wasn’t going to do anything—”

“I’m not interested in taking the chance,” she told me solemnly, her eyes somehow boring into me through the hologram.

“So...you don’t trust me,” I said, frustrated. “You don’t trust me to not just do any damn thing that comes into my head. You don’t think I know how to sort my thoughts into things that belong in reality and things that don’t.”

“You’ve attempted before—”

Geez, not that little nugget!

“That was almost seven years ago!”

“You just told me you weren’t eating, Ben! That doesn’t sound like you were making choices to try to keep yourself in this galaxy—”

“Mom, first of all, I was sick, and second of all, if I was gonna kill myself, I’d sure as hell find a faster way to do it than starving to death!”

It was the wrong thing to say. She seemed to go pallid—I couldn’t see it in the hologram, but I could sense it in her energy.

“…Listen to me,” she said, her lips tight. “Ben. You can’t let this happen again.”

I stared at her. “Mom…do you think I got depressed on purpose?”

“I mean, if it happens, you can’t just keep it to yourself and not tell anyone,” she said anxiously. “And you can’t miss my calls anymore. I just thought you were busy with work—I had no idea—Ben, you cannot miss any more calls from me, do you understand? And I want to hear from you every day if possible. Just a short little message.”

“Mom! You want to me to text you every day? What am I, eighteen? You promised me you were gonna get off my back—”

“Well, you promised you were going to keep me in the loop, and you didn’t, so that little agreement is over now as far as I’m concerned. I’m not asking for a lot, Ben. I just need to know that you’re okay—”

“Well, it sure feels like a lot—”

“Do you still write your blog?” she cut in, all of sudden, catching me way off guard. And I wasn’t sure why she was asking, but it definitely had something to do with wanting to spy on me. Yeah, yeah, I know it's not really “spying” if my blog is up here for anyone to read—but even though I'm happy to let you, a perfect stranger (well, you guys are more like friends to me now), wade through all of my trauma and my mental issues and my (lack of?) sexuality and my first time falling in love at age twenty-three and tons and tons of embarrassing poetry, I think even a chronic oversharer like me has the right to not have his mom reading all of that—so, I found myself lying before I could even decide whether or not to tell the truth.

“No,” I said. “No, my blog was so dumb. Nobody blogs anymore. Everyone's on Twi'ktok now. I stopped being popular. I haven’t touched that thing since I was, like, nineteen or something.”

Oh my Force, I thought. I just lied to my mom. And what a stupid thing to lie about, too, ‘cause all she has to do is not believe me and look it up and then I’m toast—

But I don’t think she had any time to ponder my answer, because then another question came to her—

“When does your new lease start?”

Oh. Oh. Not this. She was trying to get me to move back home again.

“Mom, it already started,” I said. “On the first.”

“Maybe you could still get out of it—”

“And what, Mom? Leave Poe to pay two thousand credits a month on rent all by himself? I don’t even think he has a job right now, to be honest—”

“He could find a new roommate. Dad and I could help cover some of the cost—”

“Mom, no! This is ridiculous—” and I was going to explain why, but then her eyes flashed, and then The Question hit the ground, the mother of all questions—

“Ben. Ben. Did Snoke try to contact you?”

And I knew the answer to that immediately. It was “no.” Because it had to be “no.” Because “no” was my only option if I didn’t want my life to suddenly hard-redirect straight into a wall and to go to pieces. And I’d already lied about my blog anyway, so, telling something that wasn’t even fully a lie was easier.

Because...it wasn't a lie. The full answer was “No, I didn't see Snoke, I just had a dream about him,” but that would have caused my mother to go insane, so I was just, you know, giving her the abridged college notes version—

“No,” I said, sounding so sure of myself that I convinced whatever part of me wasn't already convinced. “No, Mom, he didn't reach out to me.”

And I guess I convinced her too, because she relaxed a little.

“Good,” she said, looking like she was taking her first deep breath in several minutes. “Good.”

But, hoo buddy, I did not feel good in that moment. There’s a lot I don’t tell my family—I still haven’t even told them about me and Fannie yet—but I try not to lie to them. Usually.

…I’m talking about the part where I lied about my blog. I didn’t lie about not seeing Snoke. Because having a fever dream about him doesn’t count as seeing him.

I agreed to text my mom every day. Or…try to. Which...I've been doing, but…it’s been super painful, for reasons I can't fully explain. And get this—Mom said she’s sending over Threepio this weekend. Indefinitely. She tried to play it off like, oh, Threepio’s been getting in my way recently, maybe you could use a protocol droid around, I’m sure he would enjoy Theed—no, Mom, no, I can see this for what it really is. You are sending the family protocol droid to babysit your adult son. Seriously?? My apartment isn’t that big. We’ve already got another droid rolling around and getting under our feet all the time. Throw in Threepio, who never shuts up, and maybe I really will kill myself—

Sorry, bad joke.

Yeah…I have half a mind to just shut Threepio down once he gets here, and leave him powered off in the closet. But the idea of having a dead protocol droid in the closet kinda freaks me out, so…probably not.

And all this, just because I dared to be honest with my mom about still dealing with depression sometimes. Yeesh. I know I shouldn’t be, but…I’m kinda glad I didn’t tell her about anything else.

I thought about asking Fan whether she thought it was ever okay to lie. Like, in a situation where you know that everything’s fine, and telling the full truth would just stress everyone out for no reason. Fannie always seems to know what’s right and wrong, when I find myself wondering a lot of the time.

But...I was pretty sure I knew what she'd say, so...I didn't ask. And, besides…things are still kinda rough between us right now.

We made up about me not replying—I apologized for dropping the ball and not thinking about how that would hurt her, and she apologized for getting angry at me right away instead of trying to understand what was going on with me—but—but—the latest development? She asked me if I thought she weighed too much.

Like, randomly. No context. No lead-in. No nothing.

What??

WHY????

She’s never seemed to care about that before. I said, uh, I don’t know, I think that’s kind of up to you, how much do you want to weigh? If you’re happy the way you are and your weight isn’t negatively impacting your quality of life, you’re fine? If you want to change, you can?? I don’t know why you’re asking me???

But this must have been some kind of mysterious trick question with some mysterious right answer, because then she dissolved into tears and now it’s a whole big thing and I’m starting to think girls just speak a different language sometimes where all of the words are Basic but they just mean something totally different from what I think they mean and I don’t know what they mean and I still think I like things better this way, at least I’m pretty sure I do, I definitely did when we were—ha—kinda making out on the couch or whatever you call that—but things were way easier when we were just friends and things are way harder now that we’re apart and sometimes—sometimes, I just don’t know what the heck is going on.

[siriannatan]

At The Edges - fWhipScott

Sometimes you get an idea and you have to write it and share it because you're unreasonably happy with it. This one's one of those :}

fWhip messed up. He knows it. Not entirely. He got the job done. He still got shot. But the mark got shot worse.

He got on the plane back home, over the divide, a damn bumpy flight. With the damn bullets still in him. And more adrenaline and alcohol in his blood than is probably healthy.

He can't go to any doctor west side like this. Sausage could probably patch him up. Can he even drive all the way to his house?

Where else can fWhip go?

Gem will drag him to the hospital against his will. Pearl too. Jimmy's not talking to him.

Sausage it is. The best chance of no hospitals.

He somehow managed to drive his terrible rental car to the right neighbourhood. He's pretty sure he got the right house. The window he told his charming brother to open was open... 

He barely squeezes through the damn thing. Was it always this tiny? He thought as he hit the white floor tile. Wasn't Sausage's like tan brown?

Scott was having a lovely evening if anyone asked. Why would being stood up on a date, not even a first date with that particular jerk, ruin his evening? 

Why would his brother sending a wedding invite upset him? He was simply sad Xor could not deliver it in person. Wedding planning had to be eating a lot of his time.

Why would his favourite take-out place be closed this particular night for incentivisation upset him?

Sitting alone on his nice, comfy couch. Under a soft, cosy blanket. Eating terrible pizza, fries and bourbon-vanilla ice cream and chasing it with some terrible soda. A perfectly normal evening in his opinion. Everyone should have an evening like that from time to time.

*THUD* 

Scott almost spilt all his popcorn when something hit his kitchen tiles. Not thinking much. With a nearby broom, he went to check the noise. He did not want to draw his neighbours' attention. 

All too happy people. Surely hiding something terrible behind those fake smiles. Especially the two handsome guys on his left. Serial killer level of perfect and happy.

In the kitchen, under the window. Luckily there was nothing there since Scott sometimes used the window as a convenient way to drop his groceries. Was a man. Not too tall a man with ginger hair who definitely did not fit the neighborhood. "Hello? Sir? Are you okay? Should I call an ambulance?" Scott asked, poking him with his broom.

"No hospital..." The man groaned and passed out. Great.

With a shaking breath, Scott decided to be stupid and help the man. It's not like his day could get any better than it already was...

He started by rearranging his position. Carefully and gently. It's been ages since he graduated med school. And almost as long since he worked in healthcare. But he still remembered some stuff. And had some stuff.

With the man in a better position and with no confirmed broken bones or damage to the head. No lumps or bumps. He retrieved the old bag of med tools. 

He made sure to keep the tools in top condition. And just recently went through it to replace what was no longer good—an old habit.

"I'm sorry it's to help you," he apologised before cutting stranger's undershirt open. It was tough fabric but nothing good medical shears couldn't deal with. 

Four bullet wounds instantly jumped into his mind. He was on the east side... Likely didn't live there. Maybe... No time for that.

He cleaned the wounds, thankfully not too deep. He gently removed the bullets as well as he could without any assistance or making the wounds worse. Once he was sure it was all good he stitched them and a few cuts as clean as he could.

What was he to do with a stranger on his kitchen floor now? They were clearly a mercenary, judging by their clothes and weapons. Probably knew someone in the area. Went to the wrong door due to his injuries.

For now, Scott pulled up a stool. Moved all his sharp things out stranger's reach. Got him a pillow. The floor tiles were not good to lie on.

And waited with his sharpest scalpel. He didn't have to wait long. Mercenaries tended to be tough. 

"Ugh... Saus..." The mercenary groaned, sitting up and froze when he noticed Scott. 

"I think you got the wrong house, I removed the bullets, cleaned the wounds and stitched them," Scott explained, slowly, carefully. Fully aware no one on this side could know how to properly deal with billet wounds. Especially a mercenary. But he already helped and at least for now had the upper hand. And the man's kind of pretty. And Scott's evening was crappy enough.

"Oh... I'm sorry for the intrusion then... I... ugh... my head..." the mercenary fumbled with his words. He didn't even try to sit up. Good. Scott thought.

"You probably shouldn't move too much," Scott hummed. It was really bad actually. His random stranger was quite pretty. And Scott had a weakness for pretty guys. "You can stay if you promise to not kill me," he had no idea why he offered. Maybe he didn't want to spend the rest of the evening alone.

"I'd hate to be a bother, my..." the mercenary tried with a polite smile. Cute.

"It's not, and I'd feel bad if I saw an ambulance dragging you out next door if you faint," masking attraction with professionalism, he tells himself.

Somehow he manages to convince the mercenary to stay with him. Or fWhip as he introduced himself after Scott settled him in the living room with a glass of water and an ice pack for his bruised ribs. They had a pretty fun evening all things considered. fWhip stayed in Scott's guest room. And in the morning, after a fast check-up, left.

Scott was a bit bummed that fWhip left without leaving him his number. But there was no helping it. He could only hope he'd bump into fWhip at some point. He was in the area for a reason. He likely went into the wrong window in pain-induced delirium.

A week later. Scott was cleaning his house when his doorbell rang. Not something that happens every day. Not without someone announcing previously they would be coming. So obviously he opened it as quickly as he could.

To a big bouquet of roses. And hiding behind it mercenary fWhip. "A... a thank you for not calling the ambulance," he said, offering Scott the roses and an almost completely hidden by them box of very nice chocolates.

"Oh... Um thank you, you didn't have to... Would you like some tea?" Scott could not believe his eyes and ears. Quite frankly was in a mild state of panic and shock. And it got worse when fWhip was accepted. "Sorry about the mess, I was doing a little cleaning up," he chuckled nervously.

Two years later, Scott was sitting on his couch, waiting for his husband to come back from 'work conference' sighing as he heard commotion from the kitchen. And grabbed his medical kit before going to patch whatever injuries fWhip brought back home.

[ladysomething]

rushed back home. pretty sure I broke like 7 different basic driving rules from the driver manual in my country that even kids are aware of. also my best friend says he's never letting me drive ever again. he also says you're kinda a mastermind. I may not have a driver license for tomorrow, or a car to drive, but I do have new hatred and also a new level of crush (ness? English-is-not-my-first-language moment) for Max Verstappen. and my brother as well. he also pleged alliance and eternal honor to you, Madds.

5+1!!!!

1. honestly Charles, I get you. cramps are how some criminals should be punished. make them suffer for their wrongs. make them regret ever living. make them feel pain for comitting their crime. (says the lawyer. at this rate, for tomorrow I will loose not one but TWO licenses. who cares)

2. as stated beforehand, the Max crush that you've been cooking in me with this fic is absolutely massive. gigantic. astronomical. and let me tell you something. Max taking care of Charles during his pre-heat melted me. my ex boyfriends should learn from him, because that's the bare minimum and yet they didn't do shit. and Charles here has this lovely dumb idiot (affectionate) while he hates him. honestly goals. where do I buy one.

3. I kinda understand why Max distanced himself from Charles. sorta. actually barely. but the guilt trip that my man has to be going through has to be though. what reminds me

4. FUCK MATTHEW AND FUCK LANDO AND FUCK THE DOCTOR WHOSE NAME IS NOT WORTH OF ME TO REMEMBER. oh and FUCK FERRARI AND FUCK MCLAREN AND FUCK EVERYONE. GO TO HELL PIECES OF SHIT. yeah, that's it I think. my poor baby Charlie (IBEIDNDOSNDLSBDOWHEODIAJS I went batshit with that. just so you know. worried Max might be my favorite Max. maybe slightly behind horny, protective and obedient Max) did NOT deserve that and everyone should rot in the darkest pit of hell for that. no less. cramps for you all.

5. we love Jean-Luc in this house. that was the resolution the three of us got to. my man deserves a cold pillow on both sides, a cup of tea and the chance to see his family anytime and to be happy forever. please don't make me hate him, I love him too much.

+1. if you've told me at the beginning of the year that I would be eating dinner with both my brother and my roomie while we were reading a quite explicit Lestappen omega verse fi in TV, no less, I would've not only not believed you. but died of shame or something like that. my yearly choice of a dead dove do not eat fic (I've been learning about tags!!!) has united this household. who would have thought that.

+2. Max is down BAD. but you know what, so is Charles. they really are exactly like the other. when Charles said that he was feeling lonely all I could think of is how Max said the exact same. and the hospital part had me kicking my feet, jumping around excitedly. then I alarmedly had to go all the way up to see in which chapter we were. and after, I just felt scared. chapter 16 is my worst nightmare it seems. how funny.

+3. hun, how has been your hand? I hope you're feeling better 🩷 as much as I love weekly uptades I can't help but feel worried that you might push your hand a lot. the chapter was absolutely lovely but remember to rest please 🙏🏼 speaking on my behalf and the other two readers' (and I hope everyone else's) we don't want you to be hurt, regardless of the fic.

thank you for the early uptade, even if now I'm a reckless driver to my country's police. at least I didn't read it while I was working. I don't know how I could've managed that.

I will take eternal allegiance wherever I can get it. I am making men kneel before me, one at a time, and so I'm glad to add two more to my collection.

cramps as a form of punishment .... you get it.

no because that whole heat sequence with Max .. melted me. he's so written by a woman coded in this fic (which you'd hope. considering he is. lmao)

he's hurt!!! he's sad!!! Max is going through a phase right now ok

the doctors name is Leo, and funnily enough Charles got Leo the same week that chapter came out and I was like ... Charles reads wygig confirmed

THIS IS A JEAN-LUC STAN ACCOUNT and honestly????? I love that you all love him. maybe he should get his own fic one day. who knows.

+1. the war being over because you've bonded over the lestappen war .... there's something so cosmic about that.

+2. everyone being on the edge of their seats for 16 ... god I'm good.

+3. thank you for the well wishes! it's wayyyyy better now, thank god.

p.s. I think maybe your brother and your roommate would riot if you read it at work without them sooooo

[genderqueerpond]

like, my problem with series 7 is that in an ideal world it would have been at least three seasons

hear me out

there should have been a full season beginning with Asylum of the Daleks and ending with A Town Called Mercy, depicting the doctor picking up and dropping off Amy and Rory multiple times, and at one point just Amy, tying in with really addressing the Ponds failed-divorce arc. In fact I wouldn't mind would love if this was two seasons. Also maybe seed in the Great Intelligence once or twice, so the threat level of that guy doesn't come out of absolutely nowhere when it finally gets resolved. This doesn't necessarily have to start yet, though.

Because then, of course, the year of the slow invasion should have been a season in and of itself. That opening montage is a great season opener, then set the stage with the cubes, and end the first episode with the Doctor running out in a fit of boredom and frustration, followed by a half season of eleven knocking about on his own (kinda like ten's post-s4 specials: throw River in one to keep the familiar faces, hint at the Tally/the Shakri/Power of Three's Great Big Bad in a way that will feel face-slappingly obvious but only in retrospect, and maybe seed in the Great Intelligence as a proper threat for the first or second time-- could even have another Clara fragment although idk if I'd personally want that).

mid-season Christmas Special is also totally unrelated until the end when it contains That Scene from Power of Three....

then in the second half, the Doctor comes back for the Ponds, and we have half a season of their Anniversary Day Adventures, penultimately ending with them returning to the anniversary party, the confrontation with Brian, and the Doctor staying.

Then the final episode -- or probably final two parter -- begins by showing them all living together, then resolves the slow invasion plotline, giving proper time for the magnitude of a beyond-the-universe, stuff-of-time-lord-legend baddie...

And then, and only THEN, a half season of adventures for the Ponds on their last time out in the TARDIS (of course they don't know that), culminating in TATM and followed by the Snowmen.

At this point, I could accept season 7B as it is, although, if we're really going for ideal world, I'd put another half season of eleven knocking around on his own; looking for the Impossible Girl, and building up the Great Intelligence threat, followed by a full season of eleven and Clara.

There. Ideal total of 5 seasons, and we haven't even talked about the gap between the S7 conclusion and the 50th special (another full season) or all the missing time in season 6B (an elevenriver centric season between 6A and 6B; a whole lot more trio adventures between Night Terrors and the God Complex; and then, of course, at least 200 years of sad eleven on his own (but that pretty much has to be extended universe content) ) or the full season that should exist between s5 and s6, implied at by the specials.... or how much I personally want 10x more of s5 even if it is admittedly pretty tight as it is.... or, in the other direction again, the entire 10+ season long Big Finish range, the Trenzalore Chronicles (give it to me PLEASE).....

And like, I know that this could never have happened because of the scale and commitment involved, and I'm genuinely we got what we did. But 7A is like.... a highlight reel, just enough to communicate that there was this vast sprawling expanse of time.... and I prefer that to cutting the arc short, but I wish we'd gotten to see the show that those handful of episodes did so much to imply the existence of.

[numinati]

VENEER TECH+ MOD

So.... I'm sure y'all know by now...

I hit 20 members on Patreon a couple weeks ago, and to celebrate it, I released a content dump. It had really small CC in there, but one of the things included was a career mod I had made. Because that was the thing I spent the most time on, I posted about it on Twitter, and it did a lot better than I thought it would.

Now there's like 230 more of you and it's kind of one of my staple mods. 😭

I seriously want to thank y'all for all the love and support you've given me over these past few weeks. This still feels so surreal and I'm not fully able to articulate how I feel, but I appreciate you all so, so much.

After getting some ideas, I decided to expand the mod even further. Now, along with the career, you get 2 traits, corresponding pie menus, a rabbithole interaction, and a second version of the career with altered wages. Enjoy!

TRAITS

Veneer Tech

Were you the child who gave their parents makeovers they didn't have the heart to tell you were bad? Do you want to feel as important as a doctor but don't want to waste your time on boring topics like gum disease? Are you a sadist? If you fall into any - or all - of these categories, you'll love being a veneer tech. Just because you ain't on some board doesn't mean you can't make board money! All you really need is some glue, gloves, and Invisalign, anyway! Hell, if people cared about taking advantage of people, half the businesses out now would be closed. Shops shut all the way up. You deserve to get your bag too, right? ...maybe your first investment should be a lawyer.

Located in Lifestyle

Young Adult - Adult

Finessed

Description is a surprise since it's new!

Gameplay Trait

Child - Adult

30+ buffs for each trait

Custom icons

Base game compatible (BGC)

Finessed trait is sad asl, I'm not even gonna lie 😭

Veneer Tech trait goes along with the veneer tech career, which means certain career buffs reference that specific mod

How to give sims the Finessed trait:

To give sims the 'Finessed' trait, you have to use the Veneer Tech introduction. Once the introduction is used, target sims (the sims you're talking to) will automatically get the trait. That's if it's positive, though...

Veneer Tech sims will get between $250-$500 for each positive introduction!

PIE MENUS

Five interactions for Veneer Techs, four interactions for Finessed sims

Both located in More Choices

Custom Pie Menu icon

Not going to spoil the buffs for these, but I do hope you guys have fun with them. <3

COMPUTER INTERACTIONS

Located in More Choices

Exposing the Veneer Tech and Announcing a Sale are one hour

Updating Terms of Service is two hours

Hosting a Seminar is two to four hours

Veneer techs get $5,000 and a small follower gain from hosting a seminar and $200 simoleons from announcing a sale, while Finessed sims also get a follower gain from exposing scammers.

RABBITHOLE

Get Veneers Removed...

You're in pain. You're in agony. You're in a perpetual purgatory of stank breath. And you want out!

Under Travel, Finessed sims now have the option to get their veneers removed:

They'll scroll for a little bit to check in with an actual dentist before heading out for three to four hours.

Once they come back, the Finessed trait will be removed and they can start a new, scam free life

Celebratory buff and notification

Currently free, though you guys know I love realism... >:)

VENEER TECH CAREER (LOWERED WAGES)

The same career, just with lowered (better) wages.

When I first made the mod, I forgot that the Simoleons per hour were... well, hourly. I don't know why, like if I was tired or something, but that lead to the top level in the career giving sims $60,000 a day, which means $420,000 a WEEK... and since there's usually 4 weeks in an in-game calendar year that means $1,680,000 a YEAR...

I know veneer techs get a lot of money, but at some point this gets absurd. 😭

So I altered the hourly wages a bit. They're still wayyy more than average sims get for their jobs, but not like $21,000,000~ every human year.

Level 1 -> $250 (from $500)

Level 2 -> $500 (from $1,000)

Level 3 -> $1,000 (from $5,000)

Level 4 -> $5,000 (from $20,000)

Celebrity Scammer Branch -> $10,000 / M-F (from $50,000 / M-SN)

Seminar Leader Branch -> $7,500 (from $25,000)

If you still want the higher wages, they're still available with the original mod! <3 This is just for people who want a little more of a challenge. (emphasis on little, lol)

Last but not least, the original mod:

VENEER TECH CAREER (ORIGINAL)

Were you the child who gave their parents makeovers they didn't have the heart to tell you were bad? Do you want to feel as important as a doctor but don't want to waste your time on boring topics like gum disease? Are you a sadist? If you fall into any - or all - of these categories, you'll love being a veneer tech. Just because you ain't on some board doesn't mean you can't make board money! All you really need is some glue, gloves, and Invisalign, anyway! Hell, if people cared about taking advantage of people, half the businesses out now would be closed. Shops shut all the way up. You deserve to get your bag too, right? ...maybe your first investment should be a lawyer.

This is a base game rabbithole career with four levels and two branches.

I do hope y'all enjoy!

Levels:

Barbershop Baby

You just got your online certificate from the 6 hour seminar your favorite TikToker hosted and are now ready to service the streets with your dental expertise. The only problem is you don't have no expertise and are not a dentist.

But if that didn't stop your "mentor", why should it stop you? Try and make something shake for a little while. Worst comes to worst, you gotta flee the state... or the country...

...you really should look into that lawyer, friend.

Shade Room Famous

Due to the rampant amount of horror stories you have, your face is now plastered all over The Shade Room, the largest urban gossip blog in all of the US.

But to your surprise and mine tool - it seems like the saying about all attention is true, because people are now lined up your block waiting for the Smilez special.

Guess all you can do now is make sure your career lasts longer than your teeth.

Viral on TikTok

Fame looks nice on you, doesn't it? At least online fame does. After getting some shine on Shade Room, Hollywood Unlocked, The Neighborhood Talk, and even more, you've managed to rack up one million followers on TikTok. You're almost ready to release your own seminar!

Be careful, though, newfound fame brings newfound opposition. And with your multiple medical and ethical violations it won't take much to get unplugged.

The Plug

After all of the hours of hard scamming you put in, you've done it. You've got the fame, the fortune, the mid-tier rapper/influencer connections, and about 21 different YouTube videos about your crimes.

The only thing to do now is sit back, count up, and not get indicted.

And hey, if that doesn't work? At least you're making enough for a one way to Jamaica.

Branches:

Celebrity Scammer

Now, about that mid-tier clientele you had...

They are all big time now. And so are you! You've 'hustled' and 'grinded' your way to the big leagues.

No more barbershops. You're doing Future's teeth in the back of your mansion. Their teeth may decay, but your star certainly isn't!

It doesn't even matter how many people say you scamming. Or how many horror stories have turned into full on nightmares.

You're the Dr. Miami of teeth now. Can't nobody say anything about that!

Seminar Leader

Now, about that seminar you said you were gon start...

You did. In fact, the only two options on your website are to book and to, well, book.

In doing so, not only have you managed to stack up even more, but now you look wise and charitible to 5% of Instagram users. Win win!

It doesn't matter if most people think you still scamming. Or the fact you don't send out all the invites to people who signed up.

You're a business person now. Can't nobody say nothing about that!

*+.~

I definitely want to expand this in the future (keyword: future 😭), but I'm happy where this is, especially for my first major gameplay mod!

Let me know if you have any issues! 💕

Thank you to:

Dessims4 for her Trap House build; you can find their Patreon here

Jasmine Raditz for her Motel build; you can find her Patreon here and YouTube here

SimmerDownDee for the "wobbly/falling teeth" buff; you can find her Tumblr here

@mylittleniesh for "Jaw Makers University"; you can find their Twitter here

SpareKiy for the "veneer breath" buff; you can find her builds here and Instagram here

DanitySimmer for her modding tutorials; you can find her Patreon here and YouTube here

Mirai for their modding tutorial; you can find their Patreon here and Tumblr here

...and a big one to y'all for waiting so long! 

Now go wreck havoc for me!!

IMPORTANT!!

IF YOU HAVE THE ORIGINAL VENEER TECH MOD FROM THIS POST, YOU DO NOT NEED TO REDOWNLOAD! The files are included here so people won't have to go post-to-post, the mod itself is completely unchanged.

You'll need XML Injector by Scumbumbo for some interactions. I've included the download here, but I'd also recommend going to his page to show support <3

You can find it on my Patreon:

[spookylightwhispers]

On Inclusiveness

About a week ago, something happened while I was on the train. Halfway through my journey, at one stop, a man came into the train screaming. Then he sat at the one empty seat opposite me and apologized to the lady sitting beside him. I'm not sure if he did something, but after some minutes, the lady actually got up and stood near the door. And that made him mad. He starting screaming again, saying he didn't do anything, why did she get up. He went on screaming and screaming, about how society is not inclusive. He said his psychiatrist said he is getting better, and that the meds and manifesting in him. And at some point he screamed at the kid opposite him, telling the kid he should become either a lawyer, a doctor, or a psychiatrist and that he should be open-minded and make society more inclusive than it is now.

Eventually he stopped screaming. But periodically, he would randomly start screaming again. One of the things he said was that he's not stupid. And that he watches CNA (Channel News Asia), not Suria.

Twice too, he got up and went to this man standing near the door and apologized to him. The man was like "oh it's okay, no problem". Each time after apologizing he would go back to his seat. When there were empty seats beside him he called on the man to sit but he declined.

And at some point during the journey he called out to me. He called out "puan, puan". I knew he was calling me because he was speaking in Malay like he did with the man earlier. So I looked up and looked at him. And once again he started apologizing to me even though he didn't do anything to me, but I guess he was apologizing for shouting and screaming. He went on talking and explaining himself and the whole time I just kept smiling and nodding my head. Several times he mentioned his psychiatrist said he's getting better. He said he couldn't help but to let some things out, hence the screaming, but he's getting better, he's getting better. I would've given him a thumbs up but didn't want to risk coming across as being sarcastic so I didn't.

He also said you wear the hijab, you are a Muslim, I respect you. If I needed directions to somewhere I wouldn't approach others but I'd approach you because you wear hijab and I respect you. (I guess I should mention he is also a Muslim and hence why the people he chose to spoke to were also Muslim/Malay because he was probably more comfortable. and less likely to get judged. maybe, maybe...)

Finally he stopped talking. And I could feel myself tearing up, I was just focusing on not crying. I don't know why I felt sad. I felt sad.

It's so easy to parrot on about being an inclusive society. That was the exact topic I had discussed in class earlier in the morning. Yet, when you actually come across and meet the people who are being excluded, all you can do is just look down, avoid eye contact and pretend they don't exist. That's what everyone on the cabin was doing. They ignored him, ignored his screaming, did not look at him. Like as if he was invisible. I would have striked up a conversation except I haven't reached that level yet.

I'm not sure if he's schizophrenic, or what his condition was exactly but he seemed to be hallucinating. One of the things he said to me was that despite his behaviour, whatever he says is not offensive, and that he doesn't insult anyone. Which is true. He wasn't violent either. The most violent he got was during one of his screaming episodes while he was seemingly hallucinating. By that point the cabin had gotten pretty empty because the train was just a couple stops away from the last stop. So when he started screaming and pointing I knew he was definitely hallucinating because he was pointing at an empty seat, no one was there but he screamed to some invisible figure i couldn't see. And this was about as violent as he got — he stood up and moved like as if he was about to punch this non-existent person but stopped short of punching the air. He pointed and screamed "You break my soul, I break your face."

I can't forget this man and I don't think I ever will. Despite his somewhat "disruptive" behaviour, he actually seemed like a nice guy. Thoughtful, reflective, sentimental, smart. When he screamed earlier about not being stupid and that he watches the news, it might've sounded kind of funny. But it's true, he isn't stupid. His words were a bit slurred and kind of hard to make out at some parts because it felt like he couldn't get the words out fast enough, but he really isn't stupid. Towards the end of the journey when the cabin was empty and he was talking to himself or to some unknown figure, he spoke about how he wants to be a better man. But there's an entity in him, and his heart and his mind don't always align. He wants to be a better person, but it's hard. He struggles.