#like!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[strangepetscomicbooksbat]

I play “Jesus or Odysseus” all the time with this one artist because they genuinely do both, and draw both so well, but I genuinely am a little face blind and I’m trying to rely on the hair over here

Sometimes I have to play a fun little game of “Is this fanart of Jesus Christ (bible), Odysseus(Greek), or Jonathon Sims(The Magnus Archives)?”

[littlelamy]

he's still dripping saltwater onto the hotel bed when his phone buzzes, throat tight from shouting at ward on the yacht, some bullshit about respect that doesn't matter now, not when his screen lights up with your name. again. fucking finally.

he told you to call.

told you to keep him updated, send pictures, let him hear your voice so he didn't lose his mind being stuck here with rose’s fake ass laugh and his dad pretending he gives a shit. but you haven’t. barely a word. a missed call he couldn’t answer at dinner, some half-assed text before bed last night. it’s not enough. not even fucking close.

he snatches the phone up before it stops vibrating, fingers still damp as he unlocks it, and—

jesus christ.

his breath gets knocked straight out of him like a gut punch. the video starts with you spread out on your bed, wearing the tiny lace panties he bought you last summer, the white ones with the little satin bow at the front. the ones he told you not to wear when he wasn’t around. your skin’s soft in the low light, thighs shifting, a teasing little wiggle of your hips before your fingers dip between your legs, pressing against the wet spot already showing through. he can hear you, a soft, breathy sigh, and his cock twitches to life in his swim trunks.

his jaw clenches as the video plays. his grip tightens on the phone.

“miss you, rafey,” your voice, saccharine sweet, a little breathless. “wish you were here.”

your fingers slip under the lace, pushing it aside, and fuck—he gets a perfect view of your glistening folds, of how wet you already are for him, all from just thinking about him. his free hand curls into the sheets, nails digging in. his cock’s aching now, straining against his shorts, but he doesn’t move, just stares, entranced, pupils blown wide as you tease yourself, spreading slick with slow, lazy strokes. you always did love putting on a show for him.

his teeth sink into his bottom lip when your fingers slide inside, a needy whimper slipping out, hips lifting to meet your own touch. he should be there. should be the one filling you up, wrecking you like only he can. his jaw flexes. his breath’s coming short now, heavy, uneven. your back arches, your pace picking up, and he hears it—his name, the way it tumbles from your lips, needy, desperate. his head tips back against the headboard, exhaling sharply through his nose. he’s so fucking hard it’s painful.

then you bring your other hand up, two fingers dipping into your mouth, coating them in spit before trailing down, pressing against your clit, rubbing slow, teasing circles. his vision goes white-hot for a second. his hips jerk up involuntarily. your moans turn breathy, higher pitched, his name slipping out between them like a prayer, like it’s the only thing keeping you tethered to reality.

then you’re gasping, thighs squeezing around your own hand, chest heaving, back arching high as you come with a soft, broken cry—

and the video ends.

his thumb hovers over the screen, like maybe if he presses just right, it’ll play again. like he didn’t just watch the whole thing burned into his memory in perfect, agonizing detail. his pulse is hammering in his ears. he drags his tongue over his bottom lip, glancing toward the bathroom where the shower’s still running.

his fingers fly over the keyboard.

you’re fucking dead when i get home.

he hesitates, staring at the screen, then adds—

call me. now.

taglist: @namelesslosers @maybanksangel @averyoceanblvd @iknowdatsrightbih @rafesheaven @anamiad00msday @ivysprophecy @wearemadeofstardust0 @rafesangelita @sstargirln @rafedaddy01 @soldesole @bakugouswaif @skywalker0809 @vanessa-rafesgirl @evermorx89 @outerhills @ditzyzombiesblog @slavicangelmuah @alivinggirl @rafesgreasycurtainbangs @rafesbabygirlx

[thedreadvampy]

lmao there is a place in Edinburgh I call the Evil Bins bc it's the back of a student housing building (I think) but they've got their bins out on the pavement and a camera trained on them and on the wall behind the bins they keep taping up pictures of people who leave stuff in the bins with captions like "FLYTIPPED NOVEMBER 2024"

I think this is extremely gross and weird behaviour because Jesus Christ if you're that bothered by people putting stuff in your bins then don't leave your bins on the pavement. get a goddamn binshed and grow up. surveillance culture fucks me off so bad.

so I wrote something to that effect on their signage and took down the nearest few photos and shoved them into the locked bins.

anyway Sam's just come home and given me the funniest possible gift from the Evil Bins

look how much fun I'm having. should this go on my wall?

[bloatedandalone04]

Kiwi

Summary: You’re pregnant with Rafe’s baby, and he’s more stressed out about it than you are (and rightfully so).

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: fluff, swearing, protective rafe, soon to be dad rafe, smut, angst if you squint, unprotected sex, pregnancy.

You were steadily entering your second trimester, which was shaping out to be a little easier than your first. You were still craving the weirdest food combinations, but Rafe would never complain about needing to go out and buy them for you since the grateful smile you always gave him made his heart feel so full. 

Seven years with you, and he was still as crazy about you as he’d been since the first date. 

With that being said, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could pretend to like your weird (and sometimes really fucking gross) pregnancy cravings. But he would have to, since you’re carrying his baby like a fucking champ, and you looked so stunning while doing so. 

Rafe had just gotten back from a grocery store run, sporting a bag full of odd food choices for you, and he set it down on the counter before leaving the kitchen to go find you. 

You were in the living room, your feet planted on the couch as you scrolled through your phone. Why you were standing on the couch, he had no idea, but the thought of you accidentally falling was the first thing that flashed through his head, and he was not about to let that happen. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” he rasped, quickly walking over to you and grabbing your waist. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You’re four months pregnant, babygirl, you need to be careful. Jesus Christ.”

“I am being careful,” you defended yourself, holding your phone in one hand while your other ran through his hair. You looked around the living room, your eyes flickering between every corner as you stayed standing on the couch. “I saw a spider, and I don’t know where it went. And you know how much I hate spiders. I had to make sure it didn’t crawl on me or something. Then I would’ve been the one having a heart attack.”

You sounded so unserious, but Rafe knew you were being completely genuine. Your fear of anything that had more than two legs was no joke, and he couldn’t count the times he’s killed something for you on both hands. 

“Plus, I’ve only been standing here for, like, five minutes,” you added, looking down at him and shrugging casually, as if you didn’t feel the way his grip tightened on you at your words. 

“Five minutes is too fucking long,” Rafe muttered, shaking his head afterwards as he leaned in and pressed his forehead against your belly. “You’re not thinking straight right now, are you? That’s the only logical explanation for this.”

His big hands stayed planted on your waist, keeping you steady as he pulled away and looked up at you, his blue eyes wide and full of nothing but adoration for you and the little life growing inside of you. 

“You’re going to give me gray hairs, you know that right?” he grunted, a smile forming on his lips when you let out a soft laugh. 

“Ooh, silver fox Rafe,” you teased, draping your arms around his neck as he helped you off the couch. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. You’d look so fucking hot with gray hair, baby. Like, so fucking sexy. So don’t tempt me.”

Rafe scoffed, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Silver fox? I’m twenty nine, baby, not forty,” he mumbled, “But, I guess if you like that sorta thing…who am I to judge?”

You laughed, leaning into his touch as you pressed your lips to his jaw. “I like anything that involves you,”

He smiled down at you, his hand coming up to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I like anything that involves you too, babygirl,” he murmured, leaning down so his lips brushed against yours. “Actually, I love everything that involves you.”

Then he was leaning all the way in and kissing you deeply and slowly, his hands sliding down your body until they grazed your ass, and then he was full on groping you through your leggings. 

You whined against his mouth, your lips pressing more firmly against his as you pulled him impossibly closer to you until your bump was pushing against his abs. “You always have to one up me, don’t you?” you muttered, “And what’s with you always grabbing my ass? You’ve been obsessed with it since we got together.”

Rafe smirked down at you. “Of course I’m obsessed with it, it’s part of you,” he replied, and you pressed your lips together. 

“You are so fucking sweet and sexy and I think we should go to our bedroom before I-” you cut yourself off by screaming directly into your husband’s face as you practically jumped back up onto the couch with wide eyes. 

Rafe didn’t even need to turn around to know that the eight legged creature who scared you before had made its big return. “What did I tell you?” he muttered, taking you into his arms as he lifted you from the couch. 

“Rafe! Stop, it’s literally right there and it’s so fucking big,” you protested as he carried you out of the living room and into the kitchen. Once he had you sitting safely at the breakfast bar, he slid the bag of food over for you to inspect as he grabbed a piece of paper towel. 

“Stay here, okay? Eat something,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before he walked back into the living room to find the harmless insect that had been tormenting you during the entire time he was gone. 

-

You were pulling Rafe along with you towards the bedroom, your lips all over his neck and jaw, but he was moving so slowly. You were now six months pregnant, and Rafe had become more and more protective of you, if that was even possible at this point. 

And while you loved him for it, his hesitation every time you initiated sex was making you go crazy. You were so turned on, and you needed your husband. 

“Rafe,” you moaned, bracing your hands on his shoulders as you walked backwards. “I need you. I need you so bad. Please? I promise, I won’t break.” you whined, nearly stumbling as you pulled him along with you. 

Rafe’s hands instantly tightened on your waist, his thumbs brushing along the underside of your belly as it pressed against his abs through his shirt. “Easy, babygirl,” he cooed, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.” 

While you knew he wanted to be gentle and sweet with you, you also knew exactly how to rile him up and get him going. Rafe had been obsessed with your body since the second he first saw you completely bare, and his obsession had only intensified once your body began to change due to your pregnancy. 

You stepped back and pulled your shirt over your head, revealing your breasts that had grown so much, they were nearly spilling out of your bra. You watched Rafe bite his lip before you moved onto your leggings, and you stepped out of them and kicked them aside as well. 

Rafe groaned as he pulled off his own shirt and jeans, his hands finding your waist again as he moved to sit on the bed. “Come here,” he murmured, sliding your panties down your legs before he guided you onto his lap. 

You willingly went, a needy whine leaving your lips as you settled on top of him and pulled down his boxers, freeing his hard cock. “I love you,” you moaned, kissing him as you began to rub yourself along his dick. “I love you so much.”

He gripped your hips, guiding the slow rolls of your body. “I love you too, baby,” he groaned, “More than my next fucking breath.”

His words made your head feel all fuzzy, and he lifted you slightly to position himself at your soaked core. When he eased you back down onto his cock, you both let out a sound of relief as you came together as one, and you reveled in the feeling of his big hands on your body. 

“Fucking perfect,” he praised, his eyes hooded as his hands slid around to grip your ass gently.

You moaned loudly, holding onto his shoulders as you rolled your hips against his as best as you could with your bump persistently brushing against his stomach. “Fuck,” you whimpered, arching your back a bit and making your chest press right up against his. “Oh fuck, Rafe, you feel so good.” 

He felt so good, you were powerless to stop the loud moans from leaving your mouth as you rode him. Rafe’s hands slid up your back and fumbled with the clasp of your bra before he pulled the fabric away from your body, his palms immediately roaming over the newly exposed skin. “Fuck, babygirl, you’re so tight and wet for me. Sweet pussy was made for my cock,” he grunted, rolling your nipples between his fingers until they pebbled under his touch. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Then he was leaning in and kissing you deeply, his tongue brushing against yours as he met your bounces with upward thrusts of his hips. You moaned against his mouth, his words making your body heat up in a blush. You’d never get tired of hearing him say things like that. 

His hands moved to your belly, and he caressed it as he broke the kiss and buried his face against your shoulder. “God, you feel so good,” he moaned, making your blush deepen as you moved a little faster and a bit harder.

“Rafe,” you whimpered, tangling your fingers in his hair as you felt your thighs start to burn from over-exertion. “Oh, fuck…I’m gonna cum.” you warned, feeling the knot that had been steadily building up inside you start to tighten. 

Rafe grunted, reaching in between your bodies until the heel of his hand was pressed firmly against the underside of your belly and his fingers were brushing against your clit. “Yeah, cum for me, baby,” he murmured, his other hand moving to your hip as he guided you to take him a little harder. “I’m close too.”

His fingers pushed you over the edge, and your head fell forward onto his shoulder as you came for him. A cry left your lips as you weakly bounced on his lap, your legs shaking a bit as you pulled on his hair. “Fuck,” you gasped, wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders as you felt him thrust a few more times before he stilled.

A deep groan left the back of his throat as he held you close to him, his warmth filling you up from the inside out as he let out harsh pants against the side of your neck. “I’ll never get over that,” he muttered, placing soft kisses along your shoulder as he ran his hands up and down your back. “I’ll never get over you.”

You grinned as he gently eased you off him and moved back on the bed, taking you with him as he leaned back against the pillows. “Good,” you hummed as he turned you around and spooned you from behind. “Because I think you’re stuck with me for life.”

When you guided his big palm to rest on your belly, Rafe pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your head as his thumb rubbed along your swollen skin. “Good,” he echoed. “Because you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. You’re all I want in the world.”

A lazy smile formed on your lips as you snuggled back against him, and only a few seconds later, you had fallen asleep.

-

Not me working on my birthday again...thanks for reading x

[spaciebabie]

anyone else wish they were mk in this scene cough cough

this isnt the best perspective ive drawn admittedly but this was kind of impromptu so im cutting myself some slack

i like the lineart and original sketch so thats also here under the cut as well as the image w/out text

[wardensantoineandevka]

genuinely, no criticism I have about Campaign 3 will ever be as harsh and insulting as people who keep trying to defend it by saying "why do you want coherence or stakes or narrative follow through from an actual play? it's a ttrpg game, you can't expect it to have these things. also, the ending being happy is more important than any of those things."

like, that is the meanest thing you can say about this campaign, the storytelling ability of the cast, and actual play as a narrative form. that you can't expect coherence and stakes and narrative follow through from any of it and that personal wish fulfillment is more important to the work than telling a good story.

that "defense" is perhaps the most belittling and demeaning of the show as an artwork and of the cast as storytellers and of the form as a medium I've seen in a while. genuinely meaner and more dismissive than any criticisms of this campaign I've seen.

"it's fine and good because you can't expect it to make sense or be anything other than self-indulgence" Jesus Christ. if a significant number of people tried to defend MY work like this, I'd spend the next several months doing some serious soul searching.

[00valentina-writes00]

loser ellie getting horny when you stretch in the mornings because it reminds her of when you squirmmmm

♡♥︎Morning Stretches & Desperation♥︎♡

Warnings: Ellie being a horndog, Grinding, Ellie cumming in her damn boxers, Ellie-I-cum-fast-Williams

Ellie’s watching you again.

She does it every morning, sitting on the edge of your shared bed, looking half-asleep but undeniably locked in on you. It’s almost pathetic, the way she stares, barely blinking, lips parted just enough for her teeth to sink into her bottom lip as if she’s trying to keep herself quiet.

But she never really is.

You lift your arms above your head, stretching with a soft groan, and Ellie shifts in her seat like she’s in pain. It’s subtle, the way her legs tense, thighs pressing together, fingers twitching against the hem of her boxers. The fabric of your sleep shirt lifts slightly with the motion, exposing the dip of your waist, the soft skin just above your panties.

Ellie swallows hard.

You know exactly what she’s thinking—she always does this, always gets herself worked up over nothing. You stretching in the morning shouldn’t make her horny, but it does. It reminds her of the way you squirm when she’s got you pinned, of how your body arches when she eats you out just right. She’s fucking obsessed.

And you? You love to play with her.

Letting out another satisfied sigh, you arch your back slightly, rolling your shoulders before twisting your torso, stretching just a bit more. The movement pulls your shirt up even higher, exposing more of your stomach, the curve of your hip.

Ellie’s breath stutters.

She’s gripping the edge of the mattress now, knuckles going white, trying to keep herself from reaching out. It’s cute, really. She thinks she has self-control.

You glance at her through hooded eyes, lips curling into a smirk. “You good over there, Els?”

She inhales sharply, like she wasn’t expecting you to call her out. “Uh—yeah. Yeah, I’m—fuckin’ great.”

But she’s not great. She’s already getting wet, the evidence staining her boxers with a damp spot. You catch the way she shifts again, subtly trying to adjust herself, like she thinks you won’t notice.

You notice.

And you decide to push her just a little further.

Turning to face her fully, you lift your arms again, exaggerating the movement, letting your back arch as you roll your hips in a slow, sleepy stretch. The way Ellie’s jaw clenches, the way her fingers tighten around the sheets—it’s almost too much.

She’s struggling.

“Mm,” you hum, letting your arms drop lazily, your hands brushing over your own thighs. “You sure? You look kinda… tense.”

Ellie makes a sound—a quiet, choked-off groan—and drags a hand down her face like it’s going to help her focus on anything other than the way your nipples are pressing against your thin shirt, the way your legs shift, the way your voice sounds all soft and teasing just for her.

“I—” She stops, shaking her head like she’s trying to clear it. “Jesus Christ, babe, c’mon…”

You grin, taking a slow step toward her. “C’mon what?”

Ellie exhales shakily, eyes darting down to your legs, back up to your face, then back down to where your panties are sitting just right on your hips. She looks so fucking weak, like she’s fighting a losing battle, like she’s about to fold if you so much as breathe on her the right way.

And you? You’re not above taking advantage of that.

“You get like this every morning,” you murmur, stepping between her legs, dragging your nails gently through her messy hair. “Always so horny for no reason.”

Ellie groans, tipping her head back slightly, her hands twitching where they rest on her thighs. “S’not for no reason,” she mumbles, voice thick.

“No?” You lean in, brushing your lips over the shell of her ear. “Then what is it?”

Ellie lets out a slow, shuddering breath, and her hands finally move—grabbing your waist, pulling you in until you’re practically straddling her lap. “You,” she mutters, voice hoarse. “Always you.”

She’s wet—so fucking wet—and when you shift against her, rolling your hips just slightly, she whimpers. Actually fucking whimpers.

It’s so easy, reducing her to this—needy, desperate, barely holding on.

Her grip tightens on your waist, her fingers pressing bruises into your skin as she bucks up against you instinctively. “Fuck, babe—”

You hush her with a slow grind, rolling your hips deliberately, letting the heat of your pussy drag over the crotch of her boxers. Ellie swears under her breath, her head falling forward, forehead pressing into your shoulder as she groans.

“Feel good?” you whisper.

Ellie just nods, her breath warm against your skin, her hands gripping your ass now, dragging you against her even harder.

She’s fucking desperate. And you love it.

“God,” she mutters, lifting her head just enough to catch your lips in a messy, open-mouthed kiss. It’s needy, all tongue and heavy breaths, like she’s trying to swallow you whole. Her hands slide under your shirt, fingers splaying across your back, holding you so fucking tight like she’s afraid you’ll disappear.

You moan into her mouth, grinding down harder, and Ellie gasps, breaking the kiss with a sharp inhale. “Fuck, fuck—gonna cum—”

You smirk, reaching between you to push your hand into her boxers, dragging your fingers through her soaked folds. “Already?”

Ellie whimpers, her hips jerking up into your grip, her whole body trembling. “Can’t help it, baby—fuck—”

You stroke her slow, teasing, dragging your thumb over her clit before squeezing it between your fingers just right. Ellie shudders violently, her breath catching, her fingers digging into your skin.

You lean in, kissing the corner of her mouth as you murmur, “cum for me, loser.”

Ellie chokes on a moan, her whole body locking up as she cums into your hand, hips jerking helplessly, thighs trembling beneath you. Her moans are raw, wrecked, her hands gripping you like a lifeline as she rides it out.

You keep rubbing tight circles against her clit to help her through it, milking every last drop of her orgasm, watching as she completely falls apart in your hands.

When she finally slumps back against the bed, boneless and panting, you grin down at her. “Better?”

Ellie blinks up at you, dazed, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted.

Then, after a moment, she groans, dragging a hand down her face.

“You’re gonna fucking kill me one day.”

[caityjay13]

some definitions of empathy in case you were wondering...

the ability to identify with or understand another's situation or feelings [x]

the intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of another person [x]

capacity to understand another person's point of view or the result of such understanding [x]

the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another [x]

the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation [x]

I mean heaven forbid

Hey so I still see people utterly baffled by how religious fundies (still a majority in America and moreso its senate) react on certain issues so uhhh is it actually not common knowledge what the antichrist is all about? You guys know his defining characteristic is ending war, right? That he’s foretold to unite the world under his leadership by preaching global peace and solving basically every single problem in the world? So you know when you try to talk to these people about equality and togetherness they literally believe that’s what makes you an agent of the devil right???

[shapelytimber]

Gale nation I'm so sorry but one had to be last jffkdk to make it up to you all I'll give you your man being a pre worm mess and Tara is also here :D (don't spoil me ectect I'm starting moonrise let's gooo)

[COMMISSIONS]

Don't get me wrong I like him ! I like them all ! Huge nerd depressed wizard, awkward looser, what's not to love (even tho he sometimes has some of the worst takes in the world gkgk) ? But... He's too easy to romance- bro you're shacking in pain serving pathetic and about to explode of course I'm going to give you a magical item I don't care about ! And I'm not a monster so yes you can stay even tho you where shitty to your ex and about to blow up but by god stop installing this weird romantic tension istg- also I got spoiled the fact he marries you if you romance him and just no- not a fan of wedding (despite my shameful addiction to a certain french reality tvshow fbfjfk) sorry but it just takes off a lot of the fun of romance for me :( love the drama of divorce but not interested in the first step to get there fjfkf

[Astarion] - [Lae'zel] - [Wyll] - [Shadowheart] - [Karlach] - [Gale]

Sketch and more yapping below vvv

Don't ask me why this portrait ended up being a perfect mix of Jesus Christ and Harry du Bois fjkdkd I loved it too much to change it, so that's how Gale looks like in my heart now :)) also I need you to know I imagine him a bit chubby <3 because it's cute and a wizard with a six pack should be considered an offense to everything good and beautiful

[invisiblequeen]

He did it.

He fucking did it.

He teased it through the set and then did it.

He mentioned the lawsuit and still did it.

And he did it while smiling into the fucking camera.

I’m done.

[femmefruit]

my wife came home early from work this morning and brought me chai and valentine’s day donuts and roses then fingered me on the couch. i’m great thanks for asking!

[genderqueerdykes]

"trans men pass easier" always makes me think about the time when i was at work and a lady came up to me going "hey miss", me turning to her with my bearded face, and then her backpedaling and going "oh im so sorry sir. i thought you were a girl". before i could get out "oh thats ok i get that all the time" she blurted out "because youre short". like she immediately visibly regretted it and turned very red but cmon

wow that's rude as hell why would you say that to another person. jesus christ why are people so judgmental. i'm so sorry you experience that but you're not alone i hear from people who have gone through that too. that's awful. you don't deserve that. people are so fucked up about height

trans men don't pass easy

[cod-indulgences]

Simon Riley x female!reader, drinking, drunk sex, blowjobs, silly and sweet

Part 1

Part 2

Simon didn't let you give him road head, sadly, but he does set you down on the couch all sweet and bring you water. He's so good to you even when you're embarrassing him.

And why's he embarrassed anyway? Guy should be happy he's got a girlfriend who likes sucking him off. Which you still want, Simon, it's fine- you're calmed down a bit, had some water, and now you want something else to swallow.

"Jesus christ," he says and he's got his mask off so you can see his mouth twitch like he's trying not to smile. "No, baby, you need to sleep it off."

Really? He's sure? He doesn't want your mouth kissing his thighs, licking wet stripes up that so-soft skin, nuzzling into the base of his cock as he chubs up? He doesn't want to feel your tongue flicking over the head, drawing out little sips of precome, delicious, every inch of Simon is worth worshipping.

He sits down heavily, swearing, and you fall off slide off gracefully move between his knees, pulling at the button of his pants until he takes care of it for you. You push in before he can get his cock out, rubbing your face against his hard-on and inhaling that special soap-skin-sweat-musk smell that you love, the scent of your man getting turned on for you, and Simon swears again when you put just the softest, sweetest kiss where the head of his cock pushes on his boxers.

You don't want to tease him too much, he might say no again. So you pull him out through the front of his boxers and lick up the side of his cock, rubbing that soft, soft skin, drooling to wet him down as you get the head in your mouth properly.

It's a bolt of desire in your belly to hear him moan your name, the way his breath hitches and his thighs jump, as you slowly work down his cock, taking more into your mouth each time. Fuck, he gets you so wet, the way he gets hard and thick for you, calm and collected everywhere else but he can't hold back here. Every time his cock jumps you reward him with a little moan, when his hand settles in your hair, cupping your head, you look up at him through your lashes as you bob down on his cock. He's breathing hard, watching you like you're something special.

Fucking hell you are going to marry this man.

You moan and push down more, trying to get all of him- it's a stretch, he's thick around and bumping into your throat, but you want it, you need his cock in you, taking you, just as much as you take him apart-

Simon pulls you off, and you gasp, sticking your tongue out and trying to get back onto him.

"Fuck, baby, you really want it that bad huh?" His voice is so deep and dark, it makes you gush a little each time. He lets you come a little closer, lick the head, and when you whine he lets you go. You dive back into his groin, sucking his cock with wet, sloppy bobs of your head, drool in the corners of your mouth where you don't bother to wipe it away. One of your hands gets between his thighs and worms down to cup his balls, playing with them as you lave over the head of his cock with your tongue.

His hips are thrusting up and you let him take control a little, using his rhythm, and stick your other hand down your pants and into your panties. You're so fucking wet, clit already begging as you rub your fingers across it, and you moan as Simon fucks up into your face. Everything is sensations, the taste of his dick drooling into your mouth, the hot silky feel of it, his big thighs trembling around your head, your fingers on your clit and dipping down to your hole.

Simon is thrusting harder, faster, and you hear him gasp "look at me baby" as you whimper around him, so close already, wanting his come.

You look up at him, seeing his pink cheeks and open mouth and eyes so dark, Simon holds your head and fucks hard into you, bumping his cock at your throat, and your eyes roll back as he floods your mouth with come. Your fingers blur over your clit, and you clench your pussy on an orgasm, feeling your body go limp for a moment, held up around Simon's cock where he spills the last of his come over your tongue. You rub yourself through it, shuddering on an aftershock when the mess of drool and come spills over your lips, smeared by Simon's cock over your cheeks and chin. Fuck, so good, covered by his come, smelling like him and fingers wet with your own. Your brain is reeling under all the pleasure, still half-drunk, and when Simon lifts you up to his lap you go easily.

You flop into his neck, limp against him, and shudder when he takes your wet hand and licks it clean, fuck. You're properly out of it now, but still let Simon lick your mouth as well, soft and open as he cleans up his mess. A little kiss on your nose signals he's done, and you blink blearily at him, smiling. He's smiling too, nuzzling your faces together. So sweet. So cute. Your precious love, giving you his cock and his come and his heart.

Oh you want to marry him so bad. So much, gonna get on one knee next time instead of both.

Simon stills under you. "Uh...love? What was that?"

Hmm?? Oh, you don't know, you're tired now. Time to sleep, Simon.

"Baby- baby, no, come on, what was that last bit?"

You let yourself drift off on Simon's shoulder, smug in your victory. You did get to suck his dick.

~

Soap's phone buzzes and he pauses his goodbyes to Gaz and Price to check it.

Ghostie: Johnny

Soap: so did u get ur dick sucked lol

Ghostie: Johnny I think I got proposed to

Ghostie: Johnny what do I do she's asleep now. Do I ask about it? Ignore it??

Ghostie: Johnnny answer.me I'm fucking losing it

Soap can't answer, he's face down on the table wheezing with laughter, Gaz and Price staring big eyed at the texts on the phone.

Ghostie: Johnny I mean it i need help I have the ring in my drawer but do I still give it to her??

[creetchure]

i thought this was about medieval politics and was gonna argue. carry on

It strikes me that the process for converting a princess into a maid is far more streamlined than the reverse. Though i suppose it is an efficient use for those princesses further down in the line of succession. Likely a defence mechanism to deal with potential pretenders? it needs more research.

[kashverse]

thinking of babykuna turning into a tween and starting to get into makeup so when kunamama finds her trying on her makeup she helps her and dolls her up. sukuna HATESSS it lol (hes sad his baby is more into makeup than labubus now 💔)

i'm not sure how old a tween is but this is based off of a true story in my household LOL

sukuna always knew this day would come. the day his sweet, precious baby girl would move on from her babyish little fake makeup kits to real makeup. he had prepared himself for it, accepted it as an inevitable part of growing up. he just didn’t expect it to happen at the goddamn age of nine.

when he peered into babykuna’s room that fateful afternoon, he expected to see her usual chaos—her army of labubus lined up on her desk, ready for world domination or whatever strange little plots she was cooking up. instead, he saw something far, far worse.

there she was. his baby girl, sitting at her desk, face serious with military-grade focus as she carefully dabbed colored lip balm on her lips. sukuna’s soul shattered. it wasn’t just any lip balm. no, no, no. the labubus were gone. gone. in their place sat a neatly arranged set of scented and colored lip balms, like some kind of beauty counter display—a full-on collection.

“what… the fuck.”

babykuna looked up at him, proud of herself. “papa! look! i got new lip balm!” she pointed at the lineup. “this one’s strawberry, this one’s blueberry, this one’s watermelon, this one’s peach, and this one’s—”

sukuna wasn’t listening. he was too busy having a spiritual crisis. his babygirl—his baby—was moving on from toys to beauty products. the labubus had been replaced. this was worse than death. “no,” sukuna muttered, shaking his head. “no, no, no, this isn���t happening.”

"papa?"

he turned to you, eyes wide, desperate, feral. “do something.” you blinked at him, unimpressed. “do what?”

"tell her to play with her labubus!"

you stared at him, then at babykuna, who was now puckering her lips at herself in the mirror, and then back at him. “you’re losing it.”

babykuna smacked her lips together, admiring the light pink tint she had just applied. “mama, do you have a lip liner?”

sukuna gasped so hard he choked on air.

"she knows what a LIP LINER is?!"

you sighed, placing a hand on his chest. “sukuna, calm down.”

“no. no, i will not calm down. she's nine.”

babykuna held up another lip balm. “this one’s cherry!” 

sukuna physically staggered backward like he’d been hit. you had to physically restrain your six-foot-something, terrifyingly strong husband from falling to his knees and begging his daughter to return to the simpler days of playing with stuffed monsters. "it’s just lip balm, sukuna," you deadpanned, trying to keep him upright as he clutched his chest in agony.

“‘just lip balm’ she says! you don’t get it, woman! this is how it starts! first, it’s lip balm, then it’s eyeliner, then it’s lipstick, then it’s—” he cut himself off, horror dawning in his eyes. “...boys.”

you pinched the bridge of your nose. “jesus christ.”

babykuna blinked. “huh?”

sukuna grabbed you by the shoulders, shaking you slightly. “she's gonna start liking boys.”

"maybe she’ll like girls."

"that's even worse!"

babykuna, completely ignoring his dramatics, turned back to her mirror. “i think i need a lip gloss too…”

sukuna screamed.

a/n: sukuna saying “that's even worse” is not meant to sound homophobic, sorry if it comes off like that! he's just a bit paranoid of having to be protective of both sides :P

[ubejamjar]

Which route do you choose?

♡ Emotionally unavailable Garlean ♡ Extremely sad Ishgardian