#lightlysaltedsuffering

[lightlysaltedsalt]

I think a big part of why being honest about disability and chronic illness is so difficult is that often times, people's reactions are worse than just toughing it out alone.

I tell my mother I'm in constant pain and I'm met with either "no you're not/you weren't before." or "dont say that!/that makes me sad!"

I tell my friends I think I'm going to die young and I'm met with "you're being paranoid again/you're fine" or them freaking out so much that I have to offer them comfort when it's my life that might be on the line

I tell my teachers I need certain accomodations and they either outright refuse and tell me I'm "too young to be disabled" or they ask constant invasive questions about my health every single day

I explain why I use a cane to my acquaintances and I'm met with "why don't you just get surgery for it?" And "why aren't you better yet?" No matter how many times I explain that's not how it works (for me)

I truly hate having to deal with everything on my own, but honestly, the reactions I've gotten when I have a short moment of genuine vulnerability tend to make me wonder if shouldering it alone isn't so bad in comparison.

[lightlysaltedsalt]

Not to self diagnose but maybe just maybe being able to use my day-to-day experience as reference for writing a fic character on their deathbed is a bad sign