#lightly raining but really warm and kinda windy

[nexus-nebulae]

wait i just realised something- we've broken our streak of mental breakdowns on our birthday

[milfgritty]

constellation of asters | m. frost & j. farabee

❀ ⇢ requested: yes | no ❀ ⇢ genre: poly!au | soulmate!au | gender neutral reader ❀ ⇢ word count: 12.9k ❀ ⇢ a/n: yea i have no excuses for this. enjoy.

everyone has a soulmate, it’s just a simple known fact. a red string, a soulmark, first words tattooed on the inside of your wrist, there’s something to help every person find theirs. except, well, you never had any of those. growing up, you (kinda) came to terms with the fact that you might just not have a soulmate at all. it’s not until you meet morgan and joel that you begin to reconsider the possibility that you actually have not one, but two.

⇢ posted: 02.07.21 . | . masterlist

There are the lucky ones in the world who are born with an identifying soulmark. Something that leads them straight to their soulmate, whether it be a red string of fate, or the date of their other half’s birth, or even a tattoo shared only by the two of them. 

You, though?

You wish you were one of them. But alas, no string, no tattoo, no drawings, not even a damn clock. Nothing to ever even allude to the existence of your supposed other half. When you were younger it terrified you, made you think that something went wrong wherever soulmates were paired. Left you alone, destined to never be the perfect match for anyone. You used to watch in envy of all the kids in the schoolyard proudly displaying their tattoos, showing off whatever new their soulmate drew on their skin that morning. Knowing that they would remember that you were one of the unlucky ones soon enough, the ones people whispered about under their breath, never loudly as though terrified if someone heard them their own soulmate would vanish.

Not having a soulmate was kind of a big deal, if you couldn’t tell. 

And still years went by and you grew up with half-assed reassurances of ‘don’t worry, I’m sure your soulmate is out there somewhere, you’ll see’ and ‘maybe you just have an invisible soulmark, didn’t you know those are a thing?’. Years went by, and you grew up, and you rationalized. 

You didn’t need a soulmate. People without them got along just fine, and sometimes people lost theirs without ever meeting them in the first place. Hell, you were actually luckier than everyone else because you had the free will, the agency, to pick who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. So what if they weren’t handpicked and perfect for you, you would be happy, dammit.

That’s what you told yourself, at least. 

~

Done with a particularly rough day of classes, you figured it was only fair to reward yourself with your favorite drink from your favorite cafe near campus. It was a special treat that you rarely afforded yourself, what with you fitting the stereotypical broke college image to an almost painful extent. Dodging other people on the sidewalk, you clutched your jacket closer around your body to protect from the harsh wind. The bag on your back straining under the combined weight of your single (five subject) notebook, textbooks, and laptop, you cursed yourself under your breath for not at the very least putting it in your car before making the five minute trek. 

Slipping into the tiny cafe nestled on the corner, you allowed yourself a sigh of relief. You took the moment to drop your stuff at a vacant table before making your way to the counter. Waiting in line, your eyes scanned the menu despite knowing exactly what you would get, as you did every time you let yourself come here. Back aching and your hand attempting to massage it from the worst possible angle, the line continued to shorten until you could order and retreat back to your table. 

You were tempted to stay, even after getting your coffee. Free wifi, decent music, and minimal noise? Easily get through at least homework for one class. But a larger part of you yearned for your warm bed and cozy blankets, preferably with pajamas. And so, it was with maximum effort that you picked back up your bag and coffee and slipped out the door and into the windy outdoors once more. 

The walk back to your car was more bearable with the addition of a hand warmer, so much so that you took the longer way through the small park you had walked past on your way there. With the trees above and around you and the dancing leaves raining down, their colors slowly changing from their normal shade to the yellows and oranges of autumn, a smile slipped onto your lips. Your eyes lingered on the flowers lining the pathway, your mind trying futilely to identify which ones they wer—

A body slammed into yours, shoulders knocking violently as you were shoved off balance. Your still mostly full coffee fell from your hand, lid flying off and spilling onto the ground. You landed miraculously not in the growing puddle of hot coffee, but still flat on your ass as you stared up in shock at the man who had somehow remained standing. 

Seconds ticked by as you stared at each other, uncomprehending. The tall and outrageously sturdy stranger broke through his shock first.

“I’m so sorry, holy shit,” he rushed out, hand reaching down to help you up. Gazing unblinking at the outstretched limb, you allowed him to pull you up. Bare skin touching yours, you only allowed a split second of disappointment when there was no discernable reaction before smothering it back down.

Really, you thought, what did I expect? A mark to show up on our hands linking us together? How naive. You really thought you had gotten passed doing that.

“It—it’s fine,” you mumbled, sparing a despaired glance down at your spilled coffee, “don’t worry about it.” How neither you nor your bag didn’t end up in the puddle was beyond you, but you’ll take it. 

His gaze followed yours, landing on the pitiful cup. “Fuck, your drink, I’m so sorry.”

“Seriously, it’s fine. Stop apologizing,” you told him, adjusting your bag and turning to leave. There was no way you were going back to the cafe and getting another drink, this one was already indulging yourself. 

“No, hey,” he lightly grabbed your jacket, stopping you. “Let me buy you a new one, make it up to you for spilling that one.” 

Suddenly much closer to his tall frame, your eyes caught on his brown ones. There was just something about him that you could already feel your resolve chipping away. 

“I was on my way to Starbucks anyway, it’s no problem,” he continued, as though sensing he was breaking you down. At the mention of Starbucks, though, your nose involuntarily scrunched. Something he definitely caught. “Or wherever it was you got that,” he laughed, his smile making your heart catch a beat. 

You shouldn’t, you really shouldn’t. Not when he’s oddly pretty and he could have a soulmate who’s not you and—

“Yea, sure.” You smiled, “Luckily for you, it’s pretty close to here.”

His smile widened, eyes crinkling at the corner, and his hand dropped from your sleeve. It was strange how much you felt its absence, but you pushed the thought away. “After you then,” he stepped aside, gesturing you forward. 

Moving around him, you fell in step together, going back the way you came. 

“I’m Morgan, by the way,” he—Morgan—introduced himself after a beat. Studying him for a split second, you thought the name suited him. 

“Y/N,” you said in response, ignoring the way his smile made you want to smile, too.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” And the two of you kept walking. 

~

Two months. It had been two months of hearing Morgan talk about Y/N this, Y/N that, and Joel still wasn’t quite sure if he liked or hated you. 

Depends on the day, really.

It wasn’t anything against you as a person; it was just, well. He wasn’t sure what it was if he was being completely honest. Maybe it was the way Morgan brightened at the mention of your name, maybe it was how he always brought you up in conversation, maybe it was how obvious it was that he liked you.

But he definitely wasn’t jealous. Of course not. How ridiculous.

He watched Morgan move around in their shared kitchen, rambling on and on. Something about how you joked earlier when you were hanging out that you would wear his jersey if he bought it for you. At that moment, he couldn’t hold the thing he couldn’t quite identify in anymore. “So have you brought up how you feel, yet?” 

Morgan stopped and closed the fridge door that he had half his body shoved inside and digging around in as he turned to face him. Brows furrowed, he shook his head with a look of poorly feigned confusion. “I—what? No, it’s not like that. Why would you even ask that?” he questioned, staring him down.

Joel shrugged, fidgeting on the stool he had perched himself on when Morgan went into the kitchen. He really wasn’t sure why he had asked. He just had. A part of him didn’t want to know why.

“Just feels like the two of you have been hanging out as much as you can. The way you talk, it’s pretty obvious how you, at least, feel,” he replied. He picked at his sweats, avoiding his roommate's gaze.

Morgan cleared his throat, turning back to the fridge. “I don’t—not like that, man,” he told him over his shoulder. He gave the fridge a second glance before closing the door, walking past Joel and out of the kitchen. 

“It’s not a big deal if you do,” Joel said as he followed him back into the living room. “You haven’t found your soulmate yet, plenty of people date before they do.”

“Why are you so concerned about it, Beezer?” Morgan pivoted on his heel to face him, forcing Joel to stop in his tracks unless he wanted to run him down. 

“I—I don’t, I’m not,” he answered, mind racing, “I just think you’ve been practically obsessed with them for months and I haven’t even met them—”

Morgan laughed sharply, cutting him off, “Is that what this is about? Seriously?”

“I mean, kinda? It’d be nice, at least.”

“Fine, then I’ll ask if we can all do something together this weekend. Is that good for you, Joel?”

Ignoring the sarcasm in his last sentence, he maneuvered around his body and flopped down onto the couch. “It is actually, thanks.” In his head, however, he was less certain. How was he gonna be able to interact with you? Would his jealousy—no, not jealousy—be obvious to Morgan, to you?

Aside from the noise coming from the TV, the next few minutes passed in relative silence after Morgan crashed down next to him. Their previous conversation already partially forgotten, Joel became focused on the shitty reality show that had started to play without them noticing earlier. 

“Look, it’s not like I’m an idiot,” Morgan started suddenly, scaring him slightly. Joel’s head turned toward him, brow lifting in question. Morgan glanced at him before returning his gaze to the TV and continuing. “It’s just, yea. Maybe you’re right.”

He trailed off, leaving him to wait. “And?”

Morgan rolled his eyes and shuffled further into the couch. “And, I don’t know if I even have a soulmate,” he steamrolled on, “Just because I might not doesn’t mean—doesn’t mean no one does, you know? I don’t want to be the selfish asshole who gets into a relationship with someone who might have a perfect match waiting for them, someone that isn’t me.” 

“You don’t know if you have a soulmate?” The piece of information stuck out to him. Hit him in the gut and made his heart jump into his throat.

His roommate shrugged, continued to steadfastly ignore him. “Never had a mark or any of the other shit people had. It’s not—not that big of a deal. But I don’t want to be with someone and always be afraid that they’re going to find what I can’t and leave me behind.” 

Joel swallowed roughly, his heart racing. “Oh,” he mumbled, voice as quiet as Morgan’s had become by the time he had gotten done speaking.

“Yea,” Morgan huffed a bitter sounding laugh, “Oh.”

“You know,” Joel spoke lightly, softly, as though worried that talking too loud would ruin everything, “People always say that things work out in the end, even if it’s shit getting there.”

This time the laugh that escaped Morgan was more real, less cold. “Is that your way of making me feel better, Beezer?”

“Depends,” he smiled, bright at the sound of his laugh, “is it working?”

Morgan threw a pillow at him, it bouncing lightly off his head. “Dude, shut up,” he told him, the smile on his face softening his words. Following his advice, Joel adjusted himself on the couch, heart feeling just a bit lighter than it had previously.

~

“So I was thinking,” Morgan started as you walked down the street together.

“Absolutely shocking, continue,” you cut in, rewarded with a shove as you laughed.

“As I was saying,” he stressed, “You should come over for a game night or something this weekend.”

“Uh,” you stuttered out. “Yea, sure. Sounds fun. Will Joel be there?” You hadn’t meant to sound so shocked, but as it was, you most definitely were. In the what, two, three? Months since you had known Morgan, you never went to his place. Never met his elusive roommate. Sure, you had heard about Joel. It was hard not to when Morgan could—and had—talk for hours about his teammate. 

But you had never met him. And to be honest, at this point you were kinda scared to. 

Sure, he seemed like a nice enough guy. Except he clearly meant the world to Morgan, and well, Morgan meant the world to you. And yea, you weren’t sure when he began to mean so much, but he does. And you want Joel to like you. What if he doesn’t?

“Yea, Beezer’ll be there. Finally get to meet him.” He nudged you lightly, shooting you a smile. Smiling nervously back, you ducked under his arm and into the cafe as he held the door open for you. 

Coming to the little cafe on the corner had become tradition, Morgan falling in love with the shop just as much as you had. It didn’t bother you in the slightest since he pays for you whenever you two come. Which is, to say, far too often.

Placing both of your orders and finding a table, you turned to your friend. “Do you think,” you began nervously, picking at the edge of the table, “do you think he’ll like me? Joel?”

Morgan looked up from his phone and tilted his head. “Of course he will. Why?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, lying through your teeth. “It’s just, he’s your roommate—and your teammate—and wouldn’t it be, like, a little awkward if he actually hates me?”

Your question seemed to stump Morgan for a minute, his mouth opening and closing, eyebrows scrunched up as he looked at you from across the tiny table. You sat quietly, watching him think over his answer. Eyes wandering his face, your lips quirked as you just managed to pick out the way his lashes curled at the ends. So unfair, you thought, why does he get the long eyelashes? Finally, he seemed to get his words in order.

“Even if he doesn’t like you, which he definitely won’t,” he rushed out the last half, “But if he didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. It’s not like we would stop hanging out or anything. We would just, just keep hanging out the way we have been.”

Watching him, you chewed on the inside of your lip. “Promise?” you asked, voice coming out quieter than you had wanted. You hated the way you feared losing Morgan, scared that he had wormed his way into your life so quickly. 

His foot nudged yours under the table, breaking you out of your thoughts. Eyes meeting yours, your heart gave a tug at the sweet smile dancing across his lips. “Yea,” he told you, “I promise.”

Breath catching, you smiled back. “Then this weekend it is.”

~

The weekend came far sooner than you expected. 

“But you’re on your way, right?” Morgan questioned you over the phone. Figured you were running late today of all days. It was Saturday, dammit, you slept in late. That wasn’t a crime.

“Yes, Morg, I’m on my way. Leaving right now,” you reassured him, grabbing your keys off the counter and making your way to your door.

You heard his—frankly, exaggerated—breath of relief even on your end, gaining a fond eye roll out of you. “Okay, good,” he replied, “See you in like, twenty?”

“Uh-huh,” you muttered halfheartedly in response, more focused on locking up behind you. “I’ll see you in twenty.”

The only downside, of course, is that twenty minutes was definitely not enough time to settle your anxiety. And so soon enough, you were at Morgan’s shared apartment, and walking up to Morgan’s shared apartment, and oh god you were in front of his door, oh no—

This is fine. This is fine. Taking a deep breath, you reminded yourself that no matter what, even if Joel didn’t like you, Morgan wouldn’t drop you. He promised. 

Christ, that sounded lame even in your head. 

Psyching yourself up, you raised your hand to their door and knocked. Ignoring the way your hand trembled lightly, you almost jumped when the door swung open faster than you expected.

“Hey,” Morgan appeared in the doorway, beaming down at you, “You made it.”

A snort left you without your permission. “Yea, you dork, I made it.” 

Catching his eye roll, you grinned as he stepped aside and swept his hand out. “Welcome to our apartment.” Your grin widened at how dumb he was and moved past him, brushing lightly against him as you entered. 

Walking in, your eyes caught on the form draped against the couch. Heart stuttering, all the anxiety that had briefly left you came flooding back. Morgan stepped around you, guiding you over to the living room. 

“Hey, asshole, you gonna say hi or what?” he asked, picking up a pillow and throwing it at Joel. It thumped softly onto his chest and rolled off the couch, causing him to glare up at Morgan. 

You stared wide eyed as Joel huffed and slung his legs over the side of the couch, standing up and unfolding to a height similar to Morgan. Giants, you scoffed lightly under your breath, they’re literally giants. Casually, you maneuvered until your body was just barely behind Morgan.

“Sup,” he did a weird head nod thing, his eyes roaming up and down your body. “I’m Joel, it’s uh—it’s nice to finally meet you.”

You smiled weakly up at him. “Y/—” you tried, cutting yourself off and clearing your throat, “Y/N. Nice to finally meet you, too.”

The two of you stared the other down, silence filling the room as Morgan watched the two of you watching each other. Rocking on your heels, you alternated between looking at him and around the room. 

“You know, uh,” Joel started abruptly, slipping his hands into the pockets of his sweats, “Frosty talks a lot about you. Can’t shut up, I don’t think.”

“Dude,” Morgan hissed at him as a laugh slipped past your lips. You felt your cheeks warm, your smile finally feeling less forced and more genuine.

“It’s funny,” you told him, ignoring Morgan, “he talks a lot about you, too. Once he gets started, it seems like he can’t stop.”

“I hate both of you. Why did I think this was a good idea,” Morgan said, throwing his hands up and slipping in between the two of you into what you assumed was the kitchen. The sound of yours and Joel’s laughter followed him, the pair of you sharing a conspirator’s smile. 

Joel was the first to break, his smile lingering as he spared you a glance and followed Morgan. “Don’t be like that, Morg. We’re getting along already. Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

Giggling, you walked in after them. “I don’t know what I was worried about,” you teased, sidling up to the counter, “Joel is great.” 

“Oh, you would think so,” Morgan rolled his eyes, pulling a sweet tea out of the fridge and handing it to you. Smiling in thanks, you opened it and took a sip.

“Wait,” Joel stopped and shook his head, “were you actually worried about meeting me?”

Eyes widening and head shooting up, you were positive panic flitted across your face. “Uhhh,” you started, shifting from foot to foot and shrugging, “A little? I mean, you’re his roommate and teammate and he talks about you all the time—”

“—I do not—”

“Yea, you do, Morg,” you laughed, glancing over at him before returning your attention to Joel. “But, yea. After so long without meeting, I guess I kinda built you up in my head and I got worried you wouldn’t like me and things would, I don’t know, be awkward for Morgan. It’s dumb.”

It was dumb, you realized, standing there. Joel was...you didn’t even know how to describe it. He was soothing. Calming in the same way Morgan was to you, like a balm to your anxiety. Easy to talk to, joke with. It had barely been ten minutes and already you could tell that. It was the same feeling that made you let Morgan buy you another drink when you first met.

“It’s not dumb,” he told you, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug, “I guess I felt the same way.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised. For some reason, you didn’t really expect him to feel much of, well, anything when it came to meeting you.

Grinning, he nudged your foot. “Don’t look so shocked. Even NHLers have feelings, you know.”

“Shut up,” both you and Morgan chorused, glancing at each other before laughing. It was then you realized how close the three of you were, the kitchen not exactly the largest room. If you moved one way, you’d bump into Morgan. If you moved the other, it would be Joel. 

“Wanna play fortnite or something?” Morgan asked, clearing your thoughts. He knew you well enough to figure out what the scrunch of your nose after his suggestion meant. “Or not fortnite, you have a better idea?”

“What else do you guys have?” You asked, hoping against odds they would have something that wasn’t completely awful. 

Joel and Morgan shared a look, communicating silently. 

“Uhh,” Joel started, “I think we have like, Skyrim? Never got around to playing it, though.”

Eyes immediately brightening, you straightened. You almost didn’t notice how the move brought you that much closer to him. “Dude, Skyrim came out like ten years ago. How have you never played?”

“Looks like Skyrim, it is,” Morgan muttered, squeezing past you to the living room. 

“I don’t know,” Joel tried to defend himself, “It’s not what I usually play.”

“Well, that changes today, buddy.” 

“Did you just call him buddy, oh my god,” you heard Morgan’s voice distantly, covered mostly by Joel’s shocked snort. 

Thirty minutes later found the three of you sprawled across the couch, limbs just barely intertwining as Joel tried still to make his way through the character creation screen. 

“Is that a cat? Do they have fucking furries in this game?”

“I swear, I’m gonna throw my sweet tea at you,” you threatened while swallowing down laughter at Joel’s commentary.

“Do it, I’m not getting you another one,” Morgan told you, his hand lying lightly on the bottom of your calf. 

“Yea, you would,” you smiled over at him. 

A snort came from Joel’s direction, followed by, “Dude, you would.”

“Shut the fuck up, Beezer, I didn’t ask you.”

Mock gasping, you reached over and hit Morgan’s shoulder, eliciting a sharp ‘hey’ from him. “No being mean to each other,” you laughed, settling back down, shoulder brushing against Joel’s side.

“You heard the lady, Frosty,” Joel smirked, sticking his tongue out at him. 

“I’m never letting the two of you hang out again,” Morgan groaned, throwing his head back. His thumb had paused in the motion of rubbing circles into your leg. 

Exchanging a glance with the boys, you smiled. “I think it might be a bit too late for that.”

~

“You know,” you had innocently told Morgan and Joel a few days ago, “it’s kinda funny that two of my closest friends are professional ice hockey players and I’ve never even gone skating before.”

He was shocked at the revelation. Horrified, even. And definitely planning on rectifying that minor fact, something Joel fully supported and helped plan. Sadly, it took a few days before he and Joel were both home and didn’t have practice or a game and you didn’t have classes or homework, leaving the three of you able to hang out. 

He always counted it as a minor miracle when all of your schedules lined up. In the months he and Joel had known you, it happened far less than he would’ve liked. But as much as it felt better, more…more right, for it to be the three of you—which was normal, you were best friends; he didn’t like one of you more than the other—he took what he could get and didn’t complain. 

Much.

That’s how Morgan found himself at an ice rink with his two closest friends on his day off, watching one of them tie the other’s skate.

“You could’ve done this yourself,” Joel told you, fingers making quick work of your laces.

You beamed down at him, a satisfied little smile on your face, “But you do it so much better than me.”

Morgan laughed to himself, bending down to finish lacing up his own skates. Joel had gotten his done first and found himself helping you, not that he exactly put up a fight. Finishing up, he stood and leaned against the boards, peering down as Joel worked. 

“You waiting for us? That’s so sweet,” you smiled up at him, resting your weight on your hands behind you. 

Joel huffed a laugh and half turned to look over his shoulder at him, flashing him a smirk, the asshole. “Our Morgan? He’s just a sweetheart, isn’t he?”

Morgan reached out and kicked him, mindful of the blade of his skate. Rolling his eyes, he maneuvered around both of you and stepped out onto the ice. 

“Just for that, I’m going without the both of you.”

Hearing the teasing calls of his name accompanied by laughter, he smiled and went to do laps around the rink. Slowly he went through the motions, glancing behind him now and then to see if Joel had finished yet. 

When he finally did, Morgan made his way back to the two of you. “You ready to see what you’ve been missing out on?” He teased, eyes catching on the way you wobbled unsteadily and clutched tightly to Joel’s arm next to you. 

“Quick question,” your laugh came out high pitched and as unsteady as your walk, “just how hard is skating?”

“Please, don’t worry,” Joel scoffed, shortening his steps to help you. Morgan watched his teammate stabilize you, the steady rock to your choppy sea. “Skating is one of the easiest things in the world.”

“Okay, let me rephrase,” a cheeky smile flitted across your lips, “how hard is skating for us normal people?”

He shared a fond look with Joel, laughing quietly. “Trust us, you’ll be fine.” 

“I do,” you responded without a moment’s hesitation, pausing in your baby steps before continuing. “Trust you, I mean.”

The breath left his lungs in a quick rush, not expecting that, not expecting how sincere and matter of fact you had said it or how it affected him. It wasn’t fair, how quickly you could throw him off balance with what seemed like barely a thought. 

Joel cleared his throat, his hand tightening around yours. “Good,” he told you, voice remarkably soft and low before returning to normal. “I guess it’s time to get you on the ice, then?”

Morgan had to laugh a little at the fear that filled your face at Joel’s words, the way you immediately clung somehow even tighter to him. Smiling, he reached out to you, offering you his hand.

“You said you trusted us,” he told you, “So trust us. We’re not gonna let you get hurt.”

He watched your eyes meet his and fly down to his outstretched hand, back and forth between the two. One of your hands slowly let go of their iron grip on Joel and settled into his.

“Promise?” You looked from him to Joel, eyes painfully doelike. 

Once again, he shared a soft glance with his teammate before looking back at you. 

“We promise.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath and appearing to steel yourself. “Okay, alright, I’m good. Let’s fucking do this.”

Laughter peeled out of him and Joel. “There’s our Y/N,” his teammate grinned, helping you out onto the ice. The two of them kept their grips on you tight as you shakily stepped onto the ice, making sure you didn’t immediately fall.

Your first steps were wobbly, with the only thing keeping you from eating ice being him and Joel. Slowly, the three of you made your way across the ice. “There you go,” he encouraged you, “just like that. Slow and steady for right now—”

“Head up, try not to look down so much, alright? We’ve got you,” Joel reassured, the two of them going back and forth, offering advice and making sure nothing happened.

It took a bit, but soon you were giggling and flashing them pretty smiles, your grip on them loosening slowly but surely. It was enough for Morgan to speed up and swing around to skate backward in front of you.

Catching your worried glance, he smiled. “Still here, just letting you skate more on your own,” he squeezed your hand, now being held more for assurance than to help keep you up.

And so the three of you kept skating around the rink with you getting more and more confident until you were on your own and no longer needed them to hold on to. Morgan watched proudly as you went from wobbly steps to actual skating, though your arms still stayed out by your sides for balance. 

“Show off,” you yelled and laughed, attempting to shove Joel when he went to skate in wide circles around both of you. 

“What?” Joel threw his hands up, laughing loudly and dodging you. “I’m just skating circles around you.” 

“Ha ha,” Morgan grinned when you sarcastically laughed at Joel’s antics. “You’re simply hilarious, you dork.”

“I know,” Joel smiled happily, swooping in to smack a loud kiss to your cheek before speeding away. The kiss nearly knocked you over, leaving you gawking after him.

Morgan observed the two of you as he glided in front of you, a wide smile stretching across his lips. Small huffs of laughter left you as you skated—still not great, but definitely better—over to him, grabbing his hand and trying to tug him. 

“Morgan, come on,” you giggled, “help me avenge my honor.” 

“Oh, of course,” he replied, nodding his head in mock seriousness. He pulled you along in chase of Joel, the three of you laughing as you went around and around the rink. 

It wasn’t until you two caught him—Morgan suspected Joel had let them catch him, like they wouldn’t have been able to eventually—and Joel decided to try to teach you how to skate backward as Morgan followed that he realized something. 

He realized as he watched the two of you smiling and laughing, as he skated behind while Joel held your hands, as both of you made corny jokes and looked back at him to make sure he was still with you, he realized that—fuck.

He was fucked. 

Because he looked at you and heard your laughter and felt his heart tighten. Because he looked at Joel and the way he looked back at him with a fond look and toothy grin, and his heart stopped.

Because he looked at both of you and felt the same exact thing. And he realized it didn’t feel right when all three of you were together because you were just his closest friends. 

It was because when he was with the two of you, his heart skipped beats and all of these feelings weighed him down and lifted him up and—and—

Fuck. He was well and truly fucked, that’s what he realized.

~

Humming quietly under your breath, you picked up the plates from the table and made your way back to the kitchen. Stepping around Morgan, you reached down to put the dishes into the sink for him to wash. After you let them sit, you hoisted yourself up and onto the counter next to him and watched as he grabbed for one of the dirty plates.

“You think Joel will be back soon?” You asked him, tilting your head and pursing your lips. 

Morgan met your gaze and held it as he washed the plate. “Hopefully, we can’t start the movie without him.”

Dinner and a movie at their place. It was almost like a date if you let yourself think about it. But you didn’t, because they’re just your friends.

Your tall, attractive friends that you had completely platonic feelings for. Okay, mostly platonic feelings for. Fine, not at all platonic and actually very romantic feelings, but you refused to think about it. There were two of them and one of you and that, that was weird. Right? 

Right?

Kicking yourself mentally, you shot him a tiny smile. “Do we even want to know what he chose this time?” Every movie night, a different one of you had complete control over the movie. Tonight was, regretfully, Joel’s night to choose and he refused to tell either of you what you were watching. 

It went without saying that you were a bit scared. 

“I don’t think so,” Morgan made a face, putting another plate in the dish rack. You laughed lowly to yourself, watching a smile creep over his face as he glanced back at you.

“Either way,” you told him, “he needs to get back soon, I’m starting to miss the weirdo.” Shimmying down from the countertop, you walked over to the fridge to get a drink. 

Morgan made a noise of agreement, finishing up and turning off the sink. He turned to face you, grabbing a hand towel from next to him and leaning against the counter. He stared down at you without responding; the action causing you to grin slightly in confusion. 

“What’s up?” You questioned him, stretching your foot out to lightly tap his.

Head shaking slowly, his mouth opened a bit. Closing it, his eyebrows squished together in what seemed like deep thought. 

“Do you ever think about your soulmate?”

The question caught you off guard, making your body physically recoil just a touch. You shook your head, mouth hanging open. “Uhhh,” you stuttered, a startled laugh making its way past your lips. “Not if I can help it, why?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, brows still furrowed and an intent look painted across his face.

Shrugging, your eyes flitted around the room. At your side, your fingers twitched against the counter, creating a muted tapping noise. “Nothing, just...I don’t know. It’s not my favorite subject. You?”

“Yea,” he said with a forced smile, “Same thing, I guess. Not if I can help it.” 

You hummed softly, trying to figure out his expression and the change in subject. You couldn’t recall ever, ever, talking about soulmates with either Morgan or Joel. Not in the entire time you had known them. It was like some sort of weird unspoken taboo topic, never brought up, never talked about despite how popular it was for everyone else. Never asking what your soulmark was, or what date was splayed across your skin. Like there was a sense of fear lingering around it, which made sense for you but never for your boys. 

The boys. Not—not your boys, you scolded yourself.

“It’s just, you and Joel,” Morgan started, scaring you a little. “The two of you get along really well.”

Was he? Was he implying that you and Joel? Soulmates?

For a split second, your mind ran wild with the thought. To be soulmates with Joel, with his smiles for just you and Morgan, and his wild hair and dumb hats, and horrible facial hair and horrible jokes and—

How nice it would be. How irrevocably nice it would be. 

But even as you let yourself think about it for that split second, you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. Not entirely. Because it wasn’t just Joel in your daydream, but Morgan, too. With his pretty eyes and the look of exasperation he always had when he was with the two of you. The three of you. 

Always the three of you.

Shaking your head before you knew what you were doing, you replied, “Me and Joel? No, no, I mean—”

“You’re always happy and smiling around him,” Morgan cut you off, not making eye contact, “maybe the two of you—”

“I’m always happy and smiling because I’m with the two of you, you idiot,” you rolled your eyes as you cut him off in return, ignoring the way your heart pounded in your chest. 

He pursed his lips, about to retort when the sound of the door opening caught your attention. 

“Alright, assholes. I’ve got the goods,” Joel’s voice called out, the door closing behind him and keys clattering loudly into the horrible gritty tray you had gotten them. You and Morgan remained quiet as Joel made his way into the kitchen, digging around in the bag he was holding. 

He paused upon entering, eyes lifting to look from you to Morgan and back. His arms slowly fell, his face screwing up in cautious confusion. “So, uh, what did I...miss?” he asked, stepping inside apprehensively. 

“Soulmates, apparently,” you told him sarcastically when Morgan kept silent. You made grabby hands for the bag, reaching in to grab your bag of peach rings. 

Joel winced, a just barely audible ‘oh boy’ falling from his lips. “What got you on that god awful subject?”

You snorted, already shoving a peach ring into your mouth, “So you agree? It’s an awful subject?”

“Oh yea,” he nodded, reaching over and tugging at the peach ring balancing between your teeth before it tore in half, shoving his stolen half into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously. 

Pulling back, you batted at his outstretched hands, “you should’ve gotten your own. Stop stealing, thief.”

“I prefer the term rogue,” he replied, shooting you a cheeky grin. A soft ‘oh my god’ left you with a groan as you rolled your eyes and set the bag down.

Morgan’s continued silence worried you, and you could tell it unnerved Joel just as much. You stole glances at him, his posture tense and face troubled. The whole soulmates thing wasn’t your favorite, but what was going on inside of his head that had him like this? Was he still thinking about you and Joel—which was a ridiculous idea. But maybe that’s just because you knew the truth you resolved yourself to. That you just didn’t, for some unknown reason, have a soulmate to begin with. 

“What’s going on in your big boy brain,” Joel nodded at Morgan, eyebrow quirking as he watched him.

Morgan startled almost imperceptibly, his attention shooting to his teammate. He shook his head, “Nothing, just the whole soulmates thing.” 

“Still?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, puzzled. 

“Dude, just move on already,” Joel told him.

Morgan rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from foot to foot. You saw his grip on the countertop behind him tighten for a second before relaxing again.

“What’s going on?” You asked him, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm.

He flinched back, a tiny movement that you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t already watching. Swallowing roughly, you stopped and let your hand fall, hurt coating your insides. Morgan licked his lips and rubbed at his chin, face screwing up. 

“Don’t either of you ever think about the people you have feelings for being a perfect match for someone else? That it doesn’t matter what you feel in the end?”

Taken aback, you share a look with Joel as you grasped for words. Because you do think about that, about how Joel and Morgan have someone waiting for them that isn’t you and you don’t know when it’ll happen, only that it will and you’ll end up left behind like you always are. Alone. It wasn’t often, but late at night, the knowledge crept over you like thick sludge, refusing to move or leave.

“All the time,” Joel spoke before you could string together a sentence, his voice weak and a frown marring his features. “But it does matter, doesn’t it? Because you still have time with them now, and you can’t waste it for something that might happen.” 

“But it will,” Morgan stressed, the hand that had rubbed his chin flying out to his side with a look of helplessness. “It will happen.” 

“But you don’t know that,” you countered, fighting to get the words out. Your throat was tightening up, your heart pounding away. “No one really does. You don’t even have to end up with your soulmate.”

“Why wouldn’t you,” Morgan laughed without humor, “why wouldn’t you leave to be with the person hand picked for you?”

“Because I don’t have one,” slipped past your lips without your permission, the truth behind your words hitting you like a brick. Tears pricked behind your eyes as you swallowed harshly, stepping into yourself. 

Morgan moved back and hit the counter behind him with a dull thud, staring at you with an unreadable expression. To your other side, Joel looked down at his feet, hands shoved into his pants. 

“I never had one,” you continued, softer, quieter. Weaker. “I’ve always been the person without someone made just for me, but I’ve moved on. Because it doesn’t matter. It’s what I make of it, and it’s the scariest fucking thing, but it is what it is.”

“What if I can’t move on?” Morgan whispered, unable to meet your eyes. 

“Then the people you were scared of leaving weren’t worth it to begin with,” Joel told him, gazing at him sadly. 

Morgan’s face dropped forward into his hands, rubbing harshly. The three of you were silent, the tension nearly suffocating. Waiting, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I can’t just get over it,” Morgan said, shaking his head. 

“Why not,” Joel questioned just as quietly, running a hand through his hair. 

“Because I just can’t,” Morgan threw his hands up, voice raised as he stepped forward. “I can’t stop thinking that my feelings are a waste. That all of this is just a waste.”

“All of this?” You asked, uncomprehending.

“Yes, all of this,” he told you, gesturing wildly between the three of you. “Us. This. It’s a waste.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Morgan,” Joel was the one to ask this time, his voice low and daring. Daring Morgan to say it, to tell you exactly what he means.

“That I look at both of you and see two people who are going to leave me. Two people that I care about, that I want to be with, and know that it won’t last.”

The shock that came from him admitting his feelings and finally giving you the knowledge that you weren’t alone in your pining all these months still wasn’t enough to overwhelm the rest of his confession. The part that said that we were a waste, that cut a part of you that you kept hidden.

“Did you ever stop and think about how we felt?” The words left you as you stepped away, needing to get away. “That we might, for just a second, feel the same?” 

“But it doesn’t matter,” Morgan nearly cried, voice shaking. “It never did.” 

Nodding, you swallowed down tears. “Okay,” you whispered, maneuvering around Joel, who had remained quiet. “Okay.” 

“Where are you going?” Morgan asked, reaching toward you.

Nearly laughing, you told him, “Away. I’m sorry, Joel, but I can’t be near someone who thinks everything about us, our friendship, our relationship, our feelings, are a waste. Not right now.”

Joel nodded, glancing back at you and offering a weak smile. “Don’t worry, I get it.” 

Returning it, you turned and went to grab your things. 

“Wait,” you heard Morgan before you saw him try to follow you, looking between you and Joel. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It doesn’t matter, Morg,” you whispered, shrugging lightly. “I’m gonna go for awhile. I need to go.”

“No, please—”

Dodging him, you left the apartment. Vaguely, you heard Joel tell Morgan to stop, to let you go. Silently, you thanked him. You just couldn’t be near them right now, constantly reminded of your feelings and knowing at least one of them thought it was all useless.

All of this is just a waste. Us. This.

You nearly ran out of the building and to your car, just barely making it in before a yell forced its way out.

“Fuck,” you hit the steering wheel, letting your head droop forward to rest on it. You gave yourself a minute to pull yourself together and turn your car on, starting your journey back to the apartment you had slowly considered home less and less. 

And so you drove away from the one you had begun to consider home, and from the boys that made it feel like that, and to the place you could finally let yourself break down.

~

Day after day became a week and then two. There was now this tension between him and Morgan, you weren’t replying to his texts the same way, and he wasn’t even sure if you and Morgan had talked at all since that night. He hated it.

Joel hated this. 

It didn’t help that everything was bleeding over onto the ice and he couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop making rookie mistakes, couldn’t do anything when Morgan got yelled at for fucking up on a play. Couldn’t do anything.

The two of them were this close to getting benched, they both knew it. He knew this couldn’t keep happening, but he didn’t know how to stop it. 

He saw his phone light up on his nightstand out of the corner of his eye. Mentally, he debated leaving it and continuing his inner dilemma, but a glance at it convinced him otherwise.

Sitting up in bed, he struggled against the blankets tangled around his legs to reach over and grab it. He crashed back down, lifting his phone above him and pulling up the text.

[10:38pm] armrest ; coffee tomorrow? 

Seeing the name he had you under brought out a grin. You hated it the moment you saw it and argued that everyone was short next to a group of hockey players, which is exactly why both he and Morgan had you listed as it. In a sense, it was a reminder of better times.

[10:40pm] bumblebee ; yea ofc

[10:40pm] bumblebee ; the two of us?

He didn’t miss the fact that you texted just him and not the groupchat—the one aptly named the 3 stoiges, because Morgan made it with a typo and you and Joel kept it there to bully him. Time after time, Morgan tried to change it, and yet every time he went back, there it was once again in all of its dumbass glory. 

[10:43pm] armrest ; yea i wanted to talk about everything. just the two of us for now

[10:44pm] bumblebee ; im there just lmk when

You texted him back the time, and that was that. The entire exchange left him feeling underwhelmed and anxious. It felt wrong. Stilted. He missed the jokes and subtle digs at each other. The goodnight texts that just kept on going. 

He had a hard time going to sleep after that, not that he was doing a good job of it before. Tossing and turning, knowing that his teammate was his roommate and just a door over and that it didn’t matter because they hadn’t actually talked since the fight. And probably wouldn’t, since that was how things seemed to be going.

But tomorrow, maybe tomorrow would change things.

~

Morning came and went and he woke up to his alarm, feeling the opposite of well rested. He had slept like shit, just like he had been for the past two weeks. Getting out of bed, he got ready to go meet up with you, ignoring the absence of Morgan in the kitchen or on the couch. The lack of a good morning and a smile from his arguably favorite teammate. 

He left the apartment in a rush, something he had found himself doing a lot of lately. Not on purpose, he didn’t think. It was just like a lot of other things in his life now; it felt different. Less warm, duller. Void of life, of everything that made it home to him. 

An open bag of peach rings still abandoned on the kitchen counter, never moved. A little shittily made origami crane knocked over on the coffee table, never fixed. Hoodies missing, never returned. Reminders.

He made it to the little rinky dink cafe on the corner soon enough, refusing to admit he hesitated a bit before he went in. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you at all since that night, but he would be lying if he said it was the same as before. 

You were at their usual table, wearing a recognizable sweatshirt—one of theirs, but at this point he wasn’t really sure if it his or Morgan’s—and clutching a cup in your hands with a cup sitting across from you. Hearing the bell ring, you looked up and spotted him, giving him a tiny smile.

He didn’t want to think about the way the sight made the tension bleed from his body, the familiarity filling him with a rush of warmth. He made the short walk to you, slipping into one of the open seats.

Both of you ignored the still empty third seat.

“You’re late,” you told him, with just enough of a smile to take the edge off. 

He grinned back. “You telling me you weren’t, too?”

Your laughter rang softly through the mostly empty cafe. “No.”

“Thought so,” he replied, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him. His go to order, just the way he always got it. 

God, he missed you. 

A few beats of silence passed with the two of you just soaking up the other’s presence. 

Clearing your throat, you looked down at your hands and picked at your nail. “I think it’s probably time we talk about…”

“That night?” he finished for you. “Yea. I think so, too.”

Another pained smile passed between both of you. Another beat of silence. 

“You know—I mean—” you tried to say, taking a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath. “I care about you and Morgan. About both of you. Not—not platonically either.” 

He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading, the heat creeping into his cheeks. “Yea, I figured.” You deadpanned at him and he had to resist the laugh bubbling up inside of him. He nudged your foot under the table. “Me, too. Non-platonically care about both of you.” 

“Yea,” you rolled your eyes, grinning, “I figured.”

Letting the laugh out, he shook his head. “Ass.”

You shrugged, taking a sip of your drink, “You started it.”

“I missed you.” 

“I missed you, too,” you whispered back, smile gaining a sorrowful edge.

Staring at you, he felt so many emotions. So many things, and yet something was still missing. 

Licking his lips, he risked a glance to his right, at the empty seat next to him. “It doesn’t—things don’t really feel the same without him, though.” 

“Yea,” you looked at the chair for a second, pain flashing across your face so fast he almost didn’t catch it. “They don’t.”

Hearing you agree, he let the breath he had been holding go. He picked at his cup, resisting the urge to down it. Dimly, he realized you had gotten his coffee before he got there. Which meant you bought it for him. The broke college student who rarely gets anything from here got him coffee without thinking twice. That feeling in his chest grew, fondness for you radiating throughout him. It was a small gesture, one you probably barely thought about, but it made him fall even harder.

“You know, I keep,” you stopped, tilting your head with a jaded smile before steamrolling on, “I keep hearing him say it in my head. ‘Everything’s a waste.’ And I know he didn’t—didn’t mean it like that, but…”

“But it still hurts,” he finished for you quietly, watching you and the way your shoulders hunched forward. 

“Yea, it still hurts.”

“We’re all just miserable anymore, aren’t we?” he asked, knowing the answer and asking anyway.

You laughed softly, glancing up at him. “That we are.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“No,” you held eye contact, steady and intent, “It wasn’t.”

The bell above the door jingled, your conversation dying down. The two of you nursed your drinks, avoiding the painful subject. Pushing it off and dragging it out just a little more.

“I don’t want us to end here, Joel,” you told him, voice barely a whisper. “Not like this. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“I don’t think I could either,” he replied. He could handle not being everything he wanted with the two of you. He resigned himself to that a long time ago. Could handle not being in a relationship, unable to hold or kiss either of you, to look at you and know both of you were his.

He could handle that. What he couldn’t handle? 

This. 

These past two weeks, the three of you barely talking. The tension, the awkwardness, the lack of everything that made you work. Not having either of you really, truly, in his life anymore. 

“I’m gonna talk to him,” he told you, not letting himself think too hard about it. He nodded, ignoring your unreadable expression, and kept talking. “I’m gonna talk to him and then we’re gonna—we’re gonna—”

“We’re gonna fix things?” You croaked out, gnawing at the inside of your bottom lip.

“Yea,” his throat tightened, making him force out the words, “Yea, we’re gonna fix things.”

~

He cornered Morgan later that night in the kitchen when he finally came out of his room to get something to eat. 

“We need to talk.”

Morgan jumped, keeping his back turned to Joel as he dug through the fridge. “About what?” He asked, the forced casualness of it shining clear.

“I think you know what.”

He slowly drew himself up and closed the fridge. “I don’t think—”

“Yea, we do,” he cut his roommate off, his arms folded across his chest. “We both know we do.”

Morgan turned around, facing him with his eyes closed and shaking his head. “Please—”

“We can’t keep going on like this, none of us can,” Joel forcibly told him, refusing to back down. He was doing this for them, for you and for Morgan and for him. “I was with Y/N earlier.”

Morgan flinched back, ducking his head. “Yea? How—how is—”

“Good,” he softened his voice, uncrossing his arms and taking a step toward him. “Come on, let's go sit down.”

“Okay,” Morgan whispered, nodding and following him slowly to the couch. They sat further away than they usually would, a space left open for the one not there with them. 

Joel opened his mouth to start, but Morgan cut him off before he could.

“I’m so sorry,” he told him, avoiding eye contact. Clenching his hands tightly on his lap, he squeezed them periodically. “I didn’t—didn’t mean anything I said that night. Not really. Not like that.”

“I know.” 

“I was just scared,” he kept going, still not looking at him, “I still am. Fuck, I wish I could go back and just—”

“Morgan,” Joel stopped him, getting up and moving to sit down on the table in front of him. “Look at me.”

It took a second, took him reaching out and nudging his face toward him. 

“We know. We’re all scared. And we can’t take back what was said, but we can move forward. Together. The three of us.” 

Morgan shook his head, tears lining his eyes as he leaned imperceptibly into his hand. “How?” 

He almost laughed, but stopped himself in time. “I don’t know,” he shrugged helplessly, smiling at him. “But we will. Because we care about each other. That’s all that matters.”

“Yea?” 

“Yea,” he laughed this time, his hand pressing further into Morgan’s face, the other coming up to rest on his knee. 

Morgan’s hand found his, and they stayed like that for a while, taking comfort in finally being near each other again. Mentally, physically. 

“I missed this,” Morgan told him, blinking softly up at him. 

Joel grinned back, “Well, I don’t know if we’ve ever done anything like this before, but—”

Morgan scoffed, rolling his eyes and pushing him away. One of his hands came up to subtly wipe at his eyes and Joel pretended not to notice as he reached out and pulled him back to him. 

Hand threaded in his hair, he tugged him in to rest his head against his neck. “Kidding,” he laughed, turning to nuzzle into Morgan’s hair. “But seriously, I did, too.”

Morgan’s hand squeezed his side, the two of them lapsing back into silence. At least, until he broke it.

“So, which one of us is gonna text our better part?” 

~

[8:17pm] frostbite ; come over?

The text from Morgan lit your phone screen and sent your heart into a steady gallop. You knew Joel was going to talk to him, but for some reason, you hadn’t thought it would be so soon. 

Was it bad that you didn’t feel ready?

Honestly, if you thought about it, you didn’t think you would ever feel ready. In a way, this was the buildup of months of dancing around each other. It was terrifying, that tonight everything would be out in the open.

You would be lying if you said a part of you couldn’t wait.

[8:19pm] armrest ; omw over

Rushing around, you put on shoes and threw back on the hoodie you were wearing earlier when you saw Joel. You grabbed your keys and locked the door behind you, making your way to your car. 

The drive to their apartment was short, though it still took everything in you to obey the traffic laws on the way there. The walk up filled you with even more anxiety, your hands shaking despite your best attempts to settle your nerves.

You knocked lightly on their door, unable to manage more than a mediocre tap. Luckily, it was Joel that opened the door, beckoning you inside with a hand on your waist. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, sending heat into your cheeks.

“He’s in the kitchen making tea,” Joel told you, closing the door behind you. 

You nodded, dropping your keys onto the Gritty tray. Together, you made your way to the kitchen. 

Seeing Morgan for the first time in two weeks, after not having spoken at all was...was strange. It hit you like a fist to the gut. 

You saw how exhausted Joel looked earlier, disheveled and messy. But compared to Morgan, he looked only a bit different from usual. Morgan, though—

He looked rough. 

Heavy bags under his eyes, hair wild, clothes wrinkled. Even his shoulders were hunched in more than usual. Your heartstrings tugged just looking at him. 

“Hey,” he mumbled when he looked up and saw you, mustering up a weak smile. 

Slowly, you made your way to where he stood. He set down the cup of tea he was reaching out to offer you, worry plastered on his face.

He took a deep breath and started to talk, “Look, I’m so sor—”

You caused him to stop mid-sentence, throwing your arms around him and gripping tight. “You’re such an asshole,” you told him, voice muffled in his shirt. Burying your face deeper, his arms came up and wrapped tightly around you.

“I know,” he said, laying his head on yours, “I’m so sorry.” 

You didn’t respond, taking the moment to really let everything sink in. Giving him one last squeeze, you let go and stepped back, picking up the mug that you claimed as yours on one of your first visits.

“Living room?” you asked, smiling at the two of your boys—because you finally let yourself give in and call them that, because they were yours and you didn’t plan on letting go so easily. 

“Living room, it is,” Joel answered, reaching around to grab his mug and guide you over. Morgan followed behind, staying close. 

Like none of you could bear to be more than a few feet anymore. It was just a tad ironic at this point. 

The three of you settled down in your usual seats, with you in the middle, Joel to your right, and Morgan on the left. You put your tea down after taking a sip, smiling when it tasted exactly how Morgan always makes it for you. 

“So, I guess this is where we talk about everything,” Morgan said, putting his cup down next to yours and turning to face the two of you. 

Joel followed suit, nodding. “That it is.”

For a second, the three of you sat there in silence, looking around at each other. 

“Any volunteers to go first?” You ventured finally, raising your eyebrows. Your question earned you a pair of laughs. 

“I’m the one that started this mess, so I’ll go, I guess.” Morgan darted his tongue out to lick his lips, glancing between the two of you. 

“That night, I let my fear take over. And I know I’ve already told both of you, but I’m sorry.”

“Morgan,” you tried, but he stopped you. 

“Let me talk,” he smiled, so you let him. “At that point, I just really let myself consider that I had feelings for the two people I thought of as my closest friends. And it made me scared, because there are soulmates out there and I know—I think—I don’t have one. But as far as I knew, both of you did. The thought of losing you to someone I had no chance against, it made me lash out. 

That was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. We’re adults, mostly, and I should’ve handled it better. I’m sorry.”

You were aware you were gaping a little, but you were unsure on how to stop. Joel got his bearings back before you.

“Yea, you definitely handled it like shit,” he said, shrugging and getting a snort out of you and a ‘fucking hell’ from Morgan. “But it is what it is. It got the ball rolling and we can’t go back. We can only go on.”

“When the fuck did you get good at talking about your feelings?” You turned to him, an incredulous look on your face. “Seriously, you were like the last person I expected to be spouting off relationship wisdom.”

“What can I say,” he grinned, “I’m a man of wisdom. Isn’t that why you care about me non-platonically?”

“Why do I like you,” Morgan muttered to himself, covering his eyes, “Literally why.”

“Moving on,” you announced, choking back a laugh, “On the subject of soulmates, as far as I’m aware, I don’t have one either, so there’s that. And right now, I don’t know if me having one would even stop me from wanting to at least see if this is something worth having. Which I think it is.”

“Yea, I remember you mentioning the soulmate lack,” Joel nodded, “And I agree, with the second part.”

Bumping his shoulder, you went to pick up your tea. 

“So that’s two out of three?” Morgan asked, looking at both of you.

“Make that three out of three,” Joel butted in, raising his hand. “Like 99% sure I don’t either.”

“So none of us have soulmates?” You looked between Morgan and Joel. “Really?”

“Lucky?” Morgan hazarded a guess. 

“I’ll take it.” Joel grinned.

“And to clarify, there are mutual feelings here? Threeway feelings?” 

“Don’t—don’t call it that,” you replied to Morgan, wincing. “That’s just bad.”

“I don’t know,” Joel told you, grinning, “I like it. Threeway Feelings. New groupchat name?”

“Yes.”

“No.” 

You glared at Morgan, repeating, “No, motion overruled.”

“You’re two to one,” Joel teased.

Smiling sweetly back, you told him, “Cute that you think this is a democracy.”

Laughter rang through the apartment. It was almost like the past two weeks had never happened at all. 

“But let me clarify,” Joel started, sitting up straighter and holding up a hand, fingers up, “All of us think we’re soulmate-less, and even if we’re not, it’s something we’ll deal with when we get there,” one finger down, “All of us have feelings for the other two people in this room,” another finger, “and we’re not dating yet?”

“Correct,” you confirmed.

“Sounds about right so far,” Morgan nodded.

“But we should, though,” Joel said, glancing at you, “Date, I mean. It’s the next logical step, right?”

“Kinda worrying when he uses logic,” you leaned over to stage whisper to Morgan. 

He nodded, leaning close, “I agree.”

“I’m right here, jackasses,” Joel threw a throw pillow at Morgan, apparently taking the name literally. 

“Were you? I couldn’t tell,” Morgan replied sarcastically, throwing it back. 

Closing your eyes, you sucked in a deep breath and tried not to laugh. 

“I agree with Joel, though,” you told them, stopping them in their tracks. “About dating.”

“You wanna date us?” Morgan asked you, Joel pointing at him to back up his question. 

Rolling your eyes, you smiled, “Yes, I wanna date you. Do you wanna date me?”

You felt ridiculous for asking, like a flashback to kindergarten with a note saying ‘do you like me? yes or no’.

“I don’t know, what are the options?” Joel asked, pretending to think about it.

“Yes or yes,” you deadpanned.

“I think I’m gonna have to go with yes on that one,” Morgan told you, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. 

“I’m gonna have to go with yes, as well,” Joel nodded, kissing your other cheek. 

“Okay,” you tried to ignore the pulsating heat in your cheeks. 

“Wait,” Morgan stopped, clearing his throat and looking over at Joel, “Are we? I mean—”

“Dating?” Joel asked, lips quirking into a soft smile. 

Morgan nodded, staying quiet. 

Joel shook his head and laughed, “Yea, I think I could manage dating both of you.”

“Yea?” Morgan smiled. 

“Yea.” Joel returned it.

“Cool,” Morgan said, running a hand through his hand before stopping and frowning. “I know that all of that shitshow was my fault, but we’re never doing that again, right?”

“Oh, seconded,” you immediately replied, “Never again.”

“Thirded,” Joel agreed, nodding wholeheartedly.

You looked at your boys—now officially yours—and smiled. 

~

Their first date, it was decided, would be dinner at Morgan and Joel’s apartment, just the three of them. Private, no pressure. 

You showed up, dressed up but not too much, as per Joel’s vague instructions, at 8pm on the dot, making it the only time you were ever on time for something. You liked to think that if it wasn’t at your boys’ apartment, they’d be late, too.

“Well, don’t you look lovely,” Morgan let you in, bending to kiss your hairline. 

“I could say the same for you,” you replied, taking him in, pressing a kiss to his chin.

Not the usual pre-game suit, you noticed, unable to decide if it was disappointment or relief in your stomach. He was clad in a nice pair of pants, his dark blue button up undone at the top and the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Sans shoes, because of course.

On the whole, a very nice look, in your humble opinion.

He noticed your glance down at his lack of footwear and grinned, “Footwear optional.”

“You should’ve mentioned that sooner,” you groaned, bending down to remove your own shoes that had already begun to pinch at your toes. 

He laughed, waiting for you to finish and take his hand, leading you to the kitchen. 

Joel waited for you there, bent over a pot on the stove. Shirt completely unbuttoned, tie hanging around his neck. Shaking your head, you stepped up behind him to wrap your arms around his back, kissing his shoulder blade. 

“Who let you be in charge of dinner?” You teased, catching his eye as he turned around in your embrace to return it. 

“Say the word and we’ll order pizza,” he whispered back into your ear, lips lightly brushing it.

A tingle ran down your spine as you withdrew, sharing a secret smile and ignoring Morgan’s snort. 

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” you told him, leaning against a counter. 

A laugh bubbled up and out of you at Morgan’s subtle wince. “Dinner’s just about done, anyway. Guess we’ll find out,” he said, getting out a few plates. 

“So, what exactly is on the menu?” You questioned, unable to quite tell. 

Joel looked up at you, opening his mouth and closing it quickly. “You know,” he answered, hand bracing on the countertop, “I’m not sure if I can pronounce it right.”

Giggles flew out of you even as you felt a sense of apprehension take over. “This is gonna be good.”

Sharing a laugh, you got to work setting the table and bringing over the food, which you cautiously noted smelled somewhat decent. Not—not really entirely good, but decent.

“Not gonna lie,” Joel told both of you once everyone was seated with a plate, “Kinda scared to eat this.”

“You’re really not filling me with confidence here, babe,” you replied, getting a tiny forkful of food. 

“On three?” Morgan proposed. 

“On three,” you and Joel agreed. 

“One,” you started.

“Two,” Joel continued.

“Three.”

You shoved the food into your mouth, barely giving yourself a moment to reconsider. Slowly, you chewed, watching your boyfriends’ faces.

It seemed the general consensus was…not good. 

“I think we fucked up somewhere,” Joel swallowed loudly, grimacing.

“Oh, we definitely did,” Morgan agreed, pushing back his chair and standing. “I’ll get my phone.”

“Pizza?”

“Pizza.”

~

“We’re only here to get essentials,” Morgan reminded the two of you, grabbing a cart. 

You and Joel followed behind, hands swinging between your bodies. “Yea, totally,” you smiled, “Essentials.”

“Of course,” Joel nodded gravely, before turning to you and whispering, “We’re definitely getting the stuff for ice cream sundaes, right?”

Giggling, you nudged into him. “He said essentials, Joel. Obviously, we’re getting the stuff for ice cream sundaes.”

“I can hear both of you, you know,” Morgan called back, looking over his shoulder at the pair of you. 

You shot him a smile and blew him a kiss, knowing Joel was beside you doing something just as cheesy.

The next thing you knew, Joel was speeding up and dragging you along to catch up to your other boyfriend. “I’m getting in,” he dropped your hand, lifting a leg over the side of the cart. 

“No—Joel—oh my god,” Morgan tried to jerk the cart away, laughter spilling out of him.

“Joel, you’re not getting in the cart,” you shoved him, blissfully ignoring the stares coming from the old lady down the aisle. 

Joel pouted exaggeratedly, turning to face you. “Why not?”

In a quick motion, you propelled yourself into the cart. “Because I am!” Your giggles came out maniacal, joined with Joel’s bark of laughter and Morgan’s groan of disappointment. 

“Where’s the food gonna go?” Morgan asked, continuing to push the cart with you in it. 

“In the cart with Y/N,” Joel told him, bumping lightly into his shoulder with a grin. 

You pointed at Joel, agreeing. 

Morgan shook his head, that exasperated fondness prevalent on his face as he sighed and tried not to smile. “Fine,” he relented. 

~

“You know, that monkey kinda looks like you,” Morgan overheard you tell Joel as he paid for the cotton candy. 

“You’re such an ass,” Joel pushed you, laughing. 

“Speaking of asses,” Morgan said, coming up behind you and handing over the cotton candy, “Do you think they have donkeys here?”

You threw your head back with a loud laugh. 

“This is the zoo,” Joel replied, grabbing his hand, “...I actually don’t know. We should check.”

“In the whole zoo, you want to see donkeys?” You asked in bemusement, leaning into him. 

He shrugged, wrapping his unoccupied arm around you. “What can I say, I’m a man with taste.”

“Oh, for sure,” Joel retorted, snorting and squeezing his hand in his own.

~

Limbs tangled, you relaxed on the couch with your boys.

A book in one hand, you carded your fingers through Joel’s hair with the other. Sprawled across your lap as you rested against Morgan, he was the perfect image of relaxation. Rain pattered against the windows as a romcom played in the background, the volume just low enough to zone out. Morgan and Joel—okay, just Morgan, because you were pretty sure Joel was half asleep at this point—were watching, attention set on the tv.

All in all, an excellent night. 

~

Seeing your boys over the summer was difficult, but you made it work. You always did.

It was one of those incredibly rare days where you lounged about in the midsummer heat with them, Morgan and Joel taking a slight break from offseason training to just be together. It was nice, and it was quiet and exactly what you needed. 

You had made the mistake of putting on one of their thinner, more threadbare hoodies last night and the decision was catching up to you. You untangled yourself from the pile of limbs on the bed belonging to your two boyfriends, ignoring their cries of protest, and just barely managed to get up. 

First, you were gonna turn up the air conditioning, and then you were gonna take off this damn hoodie. 

Meandering over to the A/C, you accomplished one mission and moved on to the next one. Pulling the hoodie over your head, you felt your shirt slide up and refuse to separate from it. 

“Hey,” you heard Joel call from behind you, “Did you get a tattoo without telling us?”

Confused, you yanked the hoodie the rest of the way off and turned back to them. “No?” You answered, but it came out less sure than you would’ve liked. 

“I definitely saw something on your back,” Joel insisted, reaching over and swatting at Morgan to get his attention. 

“Hmm?” Morgan grumbled, switching sides to look at you. 

“Come here,” Joel beckoned, an action you reluctantly obeyed. His hand on your hip turned you to face away from him, your back in his line of sight.

You shivered, feeling his fingers glide across your skin as he lifted your shirt. In an instant, you felt his grasp waver, a choked gasp slamming out of him.

“Holy shit,” Morgan breathed, the bed creaking as he shot up. 

Spinning, you turned to face them, grabbing at your back. “What?” You demanded, terrified of their answer, “What it is?”

Adrenaline poured through your veins as Joel lifted his gaze, now wet with tears, to meet yours with a wide smile.

“It’s a soulmate tattoo,” he told you, standing up and cupping your face. His lips came down fast and hard to yours, the emotion behind the kiss slamming into you. 

You felt Morgan come to stand behind you, lifting your shirt to look. His fingers traced down your spine, almost reverently, sending shiver after shiver through your body. 

“Liar,” you croaked when you and Joel split, refusing to believe it. 

Joel shook his head with a disbelieving laugh, “I’m not. Go look in the mirror.”

You pulled away, making your way slowly to the mirror by the door, your boys close behind. You twisted around, craning your head as you pulled up your shirt. Your breath stilled to a halt when scrawled writing along your spine become visible out of the corner of your eye with every inch of skin shown. 

And there, once your shirt was all the way up, was an indisputable soulmate tattoo curving down your spine.

morgan frost ~ joel farabee

The names of your boys—your boys, you nearly cried—written in calligraphy on your body, separated only by three flowers. 

“Soulmates,” Morgan whispered, finger stilling on the flowers. 

Recognition sparked deep in your mind, a memory surfacing behind your eyes.

Your eyes lingered on the flowers lining the pathway, your mind trying futilely to identify which ones they wer—

“I know those flowers,” you mumbled, lips parting as you stared uncomprehendingly. 

Joel laughed a little, fingers running up and down your side. “I didn’t think you were into flowers.”

You shook your head, fixated and unable to look away. “No, I know those flowers. Asters. They were—”

“In the park by the cafe,” Morgan finished for you, catching on, “The day I bumped into you.”

“The day we met,” you said, smiling. “I was trying to figure out what kind they were, it’s why I was distracted. Why we—”

“Met,” Morgan gaped, a smile slowly spreading across his lips. 

You nodded, unable to talk just yet. The sight of those flowers, ones that you hadn’t really given any thought to after you had googled them one day after being curious. Flowers that were now imprinted on your body, a permanent reminder of everything you gained in such a relatively short amount of time.

To your side, you watched Joel take off his shirt and turn around, revealing flowing names down his spine separated by three dainty flowers. 

y/n ~ morgan frost

Morgan mirrored him on your other side and sure enough, there were your names in identical print and the same tiny three flowers. 

joel farabee ~ y/n

A perfect set.

~ fin ~

[mininky]

Heavy Lies the Crown-4

Summary: (Y/N) has the fate of her people on her shoulders and according to a seer, the only way to save her kingdom from the bloodthirsty wolves is by giving herself to the god of the hunt.

Pairing: werewolf!Namjoon x reader

Warnings: explicit sex scenes including oral sex (female receiving), marking, kinda impreg kink? (knotting). Also, a nonsexual warning for a small bit of daddy issues sprinkled lightly in the beginning.

word count: 5.7K

Prologue Chapter one two three four five

   You ignored the cold seeping deep into your bones as your travel cloak clung onto your clothes from the torrential downpour that you had been traveling in for the last few hours. The trip had started right before dusk but hours ago night had enveloped the landscape. Your muscles were aching with discomfort at having been in such an awkward position for so long. The trip had required that you hold onto Namjoon once again as you rode back to your kingdom, making a trip on foot would have been too long and with the quick changing spring weather it would have been a foolish decision. None of you had taken any stops on the trip, it was continuous from the start with Jimin and Taehyung running beside you. Any exhaustion, aching, and chills were far from your mind however as you began to get closer to the kingdom.    You had already told them of your plan to enter through the underground entrance near the back gate. It would take longer, you would have to travel by foot after reaching the front of the forest and do so quietly. The dark of the night and street life would make it harder for any guards to spot you until you would make your way to the secret castle entrance. You weren't sure how the people would react to seeing you walk back to them as if from the dead without any warning and would rather have your reunion be first with your family. The thought of being able to hold your little sister in your arms, of being reunited with your brothers was keeping you warm. It had only been a few days, and yet it felt like a lifetime. You felt pangs of guilt running through you at the fact that they would have spent the last few days pondering your fate, not knowing that you had been safe. It wasn't your fault per se, but you had been the one who walked willingly into a sacrifice. And you'd do it again, for your people. Lies. You'd do it again not just for them. You'd do it a hundred times for this man you barely knew.    Your eyes had already adapted long ago to the darkness of the forest and you easily began to recognize the surrounding trees. Namjoon and the others slowed down into a trot before stopping altogether. Swiftly you unwrapped your arms from around Namjoon's throat, the warmth of his fur leaving you to shiver against the windy rain. You rummaged around your knapsack to pull out the clothes for the three men, gently laying them on a rock before turning around for their privacy. You could feel the shift in energy as they turned into their human forms. Taehyung loudly groaned as he stretched before making a sound of pain as Namjoon shushed him physically, your eyes almost straying from the patch of dirt you forced yourself to stare at. The feeling on Namjoon tapping you on your shoulder had you turning around to face all of them. You were still far enough away from the gates and the howling wind and rain loud enough that you spoke at a normal volume without fear, "We will need to travel west from here, we'll want to walk along the edge of the forest until we see the wall turn. At that point, we'll need to move quietly and quickly. My people still probably assume I'm dead and we don't need that alarm running through the town. Our first goal is to see the king and explain what we can. Again, as a reminder, we will continue with the idea that Namjoon is the god of the hunt and that you two are spirits of the forest."    The three of them nodded in agreement before you all turned around. The journey was made in near silence with the exception of the occasional whispers of Taehyung and Jimin babbling on about the unfamiliar land before Namjoon would turn around with a firm look of disapproval. Your eyes quickly spotted the white stone wall turning and you held out a hand signal, their superior vision quickly spotting it in the dark. You turned around, nodding in affirmation and moved silently. The rain had completely soaked all of you, the weight of the drenched clothes making it slightly harder to move quickly but the noise made it far easier to go undetected. Noises from the streets could still be heard even in the dead of night, apparently, the street night life you had heard of went on for quite some time. No guards were patrolling this area at the moment as far as you could see and it only took a few minutes longer before you were stepping towards the underground entrance. You had crossed this path enough times in your life that you could easily find the entrance blindfolded, your fingers deftly searching through the ground as you crouched down before pulling up the latch to the entrance. Jimin walked down the dark steps first, followed by Taehyung, yourself, and Namjoon before you fumbled awkwardly to make your way to the front. After the close of the small door, it was completely pitch black inside, the darkness leaving all of you to your remaining senses. You held out your hands to each side as you walked and felt your way along the path, whispering to the boys occasionally a left or right before you saw the lit lanterns in the distance of the dark hallway. Your speed picked up as you heard the voices of the royal guards in the distance, voices that you recognized. While you weren't fond of most of the royal guards these were the men that you had most enjoyed training with, Wonho and Shownu's quiet conversation had your heart leaping as you called out. "Don't be alarmed, I have come here safely to speak to my father, the king."    Wonho and Shownu stepped forward as you made your way into the flickering light of the lanterns, their bodies tensed with unease until they caught sight of you. You were sure you had to look like a drowned rat, your hair matted from the rain and clothes still soaked and clinging onto you. They paid no mind though, Wonho reached out first and grabbed you into a bone-crushing hug but Shownu was still wary. "How do I know it's really you, princess? It could be a trick, especially with three unknown men at your side." Shownu's voice was still calm as he finally managed to pry Wonho off of you, his eyes lingering on Namjoon who remained right by your side.    "The first time I trained was with the two of you secretly, you helped me hunt my first boar and you helped console Wonho who couldn't bear the loss of the animal's life. Shownu you moved up the ranks quickly, the two of you were in line to become the leaders of the royal guards but my father, in the end, decided that your ability to hold your emotions together in times of need was most important. Before I left, Wonho gifted me his mother's dagger but I didn't want him to lose something so precious and instead gave it back secretly right before leaving." Shownu gave a bright smile, one of his eyes crinkling up just a little more as he looked around, clearly more at ease after hearing this.    Wonho, however, was now intently sizing up the three men around you, walking quietly around them as if to uncover some sort of information. "They are safe Wonho. I am here with the God of the hunt and two of the forest spirits. I don't want to wait too long, I need to get a message quickly. Please, take me to see the King." Your words seemed to still the two guards, both of them giving incredulous looks before leading the way.    Shownu spoke up only for a brief moment to explain that the King would still be in the throne room, he had a late meeting in regards to the search party that would be going out to see if the sacrifice, your sacrifice, had been accepted or not. You had made it just in time, the party would be going out at dawn in two days time.    The basement spiraled up, the stone walls getting gradually warmer the closer you got to the inhabited floors. The throne room and royal sleeping chambers were all the way on the other side, but you all made quick work of it in complete silence. You wanted to say more, you wanted to ask how everything had been but you had more important things to attend to and you appreciated that the others seemed to sense that as well. Namjoon had moved closer to you as you made the treck, his proximity giving you both warmth (you've noticed that werewolves seem to run much warmer) and comfort. By the time you reached the large ornate doors of the throne room your earlier exhilaration at seeing your loved ones had been replaced with knots of worry. Your father loved you, but he had always found you the most troublesome of his children and that had put a strain on your relationship. You had always spoken your mind, not fearing to clash against his thoughts and rules and now you were concerned that this moment of utmost importance would be squashed by the constant argumentative air that surrounded the two of you. A gentle squeeze of your hand from Namjoon had you exhaling, your thoughts forcing themselves into believing that this would go well. It had to. You now had not just your kingdom at stake but his pack...your pack on the line.    Wonho and Shownu opened the doors to the room and the four of you stepped inside before the two guards left back for their duties. You took a moment to mutter very quietly to them, "Don't bow, remember that you are above them technically." You crossed the room of dazzling gold and jewels towards the foot of the thrown, ignoring the wide-eyed looks and questions from the advisors still milling about. Jimin and Taehyung started walking slower as they took in the opulent view of vivid colors that took up every space but Namjoon kept in perfect stride with yours. The castle was already a sight to behold but the throne room was the epitome of wealth and power, everywhere you looked it spoke of the lavishness of royalty. Your eyes did not wander like theirs did however, they remained steady on the flabbergasted look on your parents face as you lowered yourself into a deep bow. "Father, mother. I have come here to speak to our people. The seer was right, I have been accepted as the bride to the god of the hunt. However, there is still work to be done. We must seek out peace and we must follow the rules he has set forth. I must ask of you to listen to me, to set the best wishes for the kingdom first as you do so."    You kept your head low as you heard your mothers sobs break out, her voice echoing through the nearly desolate room as she sang out "She's alive, she's alive!" Your father made a strange noise, unable to see his face you couldn't connect what emotion it was supposed to portray before finally, you heard his voice ring out. "I have already given over my daughter. I have already sacrificed the lives of many, and yet this 'god' still wants more?"    Namjoon gave a slight growl of annoyance, your body quickly whipping back to an upright position at the ringing sound of anger in your father's voice. "Father, we have trampled on his land, on his gifts. If we promise to not harm his wolves we will be fine. They are divine spirits, two of them are with me now to aid us." You could see his eyes bulge with restrained indignation at the realization that he was meeting a being higher than him as his gaze fell upon the boxy grins of the two men before finally resting on Namjoon with contempt.    Your mother launched off the throne now that her sobbing had died out and pulled you into her arms. Her tear stained face nestled into your neck, your rain-drenched cloak sticking to her before she fell to her knees in front of Namjoon, her forehead touching her hands as she deepened her bow. Her voice was wavering with emotion as she spoke out, "Thank you, for giving us a chance. Thank you for showing yourself to us. We will do anything, I just beg of you to keep my daughter safe. That is all that matters to me."    Namjoon shifted uncomfortably for a moment before bending down to your mother, ignoring the exclamations from your father as he quietly spoke to her. "Your daughter is wise, she makes a great leader. Nothing is more important to her than the safety of her people, and I promise that I will always protect her." His hands gently lifted her back up before leading her back to you, his eyes now fixed solely upon your father. The tender look on his face as he spoke to your mother was long gone, his jaw clenched with barely concealed irritation and his brows furrowed together. "Your daughter has only spoken of helping your people, her thoughts have been a one-way track on only this matter. I commend her for her strength and courage, but most importantly for her ability to see what is necessary to lead a kingdom to happiness. Clearly, she did not learn this from you, 'king.' Set aside your arrogance for a minute and you might actually see that what we have to offer will not require further efforts or sacrifice. The only thing we require is for you to stop hunting the spirits of the forest. My wolves are gifts, they are needed to sustain the forest. Each time you kill one for petty monetary greed I will allow them to hunt back. If you, however, do actually listen and allow (Y/N) to speak to her people and explain this to them then you will be allowed safety once again in the forest. As it stands now your people are starving, trades will soon be cut off when the merchants see this, and I'm sure that your people have grown uneasy under the rule of a man who has allowed this great pain to fall to his people and that certainly doesn't bode well for you." Taehyung gave a small laugh and tacked on, "isn't not hunting one type of animal better than not hunting at all?" Jimin however remained as silent as you.    You weren't expecting this from Namjoon, you’d never imagined how he’d look when he was enraged and there was something stirring in you that he was this outraged on your behalf. His words were true, and while they might seem harsh they were also fair. Your father had always had subjects, he had never been spoken down to before so his inability to respond wasn't surprising in the least. Minutes of uncomfortable silence crawled on as the two of them engaged in a silent war, the only sound you could hear was the rustling from your mother clutching onto you before your father finally spoke. "You...I...I agree. I will call an announcement to speak to my people, I'm sure that they too will agree."    "No, (Y/N) will speak to them. It is through her dedication to them that I am even allowing this peaceful proposition." Namjoon's voice was dripping with annoyance, it was clear that he felt he was speaking to an insufferable fool.    "But...she is just a girl."    "And yet she is still a better person and leader than you. I see no reason why her gender is a hindrance to your people, do they not also worship the goddesses of this land?" You gave a sharp inhale at that statement, afraid that a line might have been crossed but your father just gave a weary nod in response.    "Perhaps you are right. Tomorrow, before high noon we...(Y/N)....will give a declaration to the people." At that your father walked briskly away, his eyes cast on the floor as he passed you. There was no heart touching reunion, no hugs or cries of love as you had received from your mother. You were used to this treatment, but you still found your heart fall heavily with each movement afterward. Your mother led the two of you happily back to your chambers, completely unaware of your somber attitude as she whisked Taehyung and Jimin to the guest rooms, the three of them chirping excitedly away at one another as they spoke before it dawned on you that you were standing in front of your room. With Namjoon. To sleep. In the same room.    A haywire of emotions ran through you as you awkwardly stared up at him. Confusion at this sudden turn, sadness lingering from earlier, anger slightly simmering as well towards your father, comfort at Namjoon's words, before the erratic surges of desire and hope started flooding your system. How ridiculous that your brain could go from sorrow and then suddenly land right back to the heat of your thighs that always came with thoughts of Namjoon. Namjoon seemed to pay little mind to your small breakdown though as he waltzed into your room, his eyes wandering around everything before he finally started to peruse your book selection. "I can sleep on the floor, don't worry."    "No." The words tumbled out before you could even think, his head quickly turned to yours. His gaze was heavy on you, his eyes burning with flickers of desire, the small smile forming on his face at odds with the tense apprehension of his body language.    "It's been a long day for you. We should get some rest."    A part of you felt yourself cry out at that and suddenly you realized that it wasn't difficult to decide, it wasn't difficult anymore to be bold. You wanted him, the man who stood up boldly for you to his people and your father, the man who respected you, the wolf destined to you. You shut the door behind you before walking closer to him, your body only inches away before you looked up with lidded eyes. "And if I don't want to rest?"    He seemed to struggle with this, a clear war of wanting desperately to respond and wanting to give you time to rationalize yourself battling it out. "You have been traveling in the rain, your clothes are still wet. You'll catch a cold."    "I don't believe my clothes are necessary. Besides, your body heat seems to be a good solution to that dilemma."    "It's been an emotional day, you've been through a lot in general in such a short time."    "You'll make it all better." You might sound bratty to him, but you needed him to understand that you wanted this. You needed this to cleanse you of everything, you needed to feel this fresh start. You needed to feel something better, something that would take your mind off of everything that had been weighing heavily on you. Most importantly though you needed to feel him, you needed to feel that this was real and that he wasn't going to just disappear and leave you to wallow in emptiness.    "I won't be gentle." His voice was just a dark whisper, but it had something curling up inside you at the insinuation.    "I've already gathered that, what with the whole werewolf thing and all. I'm up to the challenge."    "I could hurt you."    "You won't, I trust you."    "I might turn you if I'm not careful..." His words were just a whisper, his eyes refusing to look back at yours.    "I don't care. Whatever happens, will happen, but I need you. I want you. Besides, being a true part of your pack might not be a bad thing."    "You aren't thinking clearly."    You couldn't help but laugh aloud, a smile stretching on your face as you shook your head. "That's just it Namjoon, I never can think clearly when you're around." You didn't hesitate to move in closer, your breath fanning over his ear as you whispered, "My mind can only think about how I want you to be mine just as much as I'm yours. If you don't want too that's okay, but I want this. So much." You could see something snap in Namjoon as he let out a low groan before he cupped your face in his hands. His chapped lips were a stark contrast to your soft ones and you quickly responded with a groan of your own.    Your hands weaved through his hair as you deepened the kiss, urging it out of the gentle hesitance you could still feel from him. Your tongue brushed across his lips before finally being granted entrance. He tasted exactly as glorious as you had wondered, intoxicatingly sweet with just a lingering hint of mint. His hands finally started to move in a frenzy on you, his hesitance clearly gone as he made quick work of your heavy cloak. Your bottom lip tingled as he tugged down on your lower lip with his teeth before he pulled away to peel off your shirt and you felt your stomach coil with desire as he let out a long moan at the sight of you pulling off your remaining clothes, baring yourself in front of him. Your mind was quickly clouding with lust, confidence starting to take over at the feral look of need in his eyes as you unbuttoned his shirt. His skin glowed in the soft candlelight and you felt the heat begin to pool uncomfortably as you took in the sight of his muscles tensing and flexing under your light touch. His hands gripped you back up as you started to fumble with his belt, his mouth finding purchase on yours again.    This kiss was far more frenzied, a clash of teeth, moans, and tangled tongues. More. You needed more. You needed something to ease the heat consuming you and your body responded to this with a roll of your hips into his. "Namjoon..." A silvery string of saliva broke apart as you moved your head back, his mouth moving onto your neck with harsh nips and sucks. There was nothing gentle left in him, and the glow in his eyes told you that he was no longer able to control his need to mate and you found yourself drowning deeper, wanting more more more. You wanted to sink into this new spiral want of all-consuming lust and wanting to watch him do the same. Another roll of your hips had him growling as he flung you back onto the soft bed behind you.    "I want to be inside you, I want to mark you, I want to show the world that you've taken me, I want them to know that you're mine and I'm yours." You whimpered at the words. His warm hands pried your thighs open as he left splotches of red and purple along your breasts. There was nothing gentle left in his touches, his teeth and mouth left small marks blooming on your skin as his calloused fingers gripped you harder and it left you needing more. You needed to feel something to sooth the ache clawing away between your thighs, the throbbing growing to unbearable heights.    "Please. Please, Namjoon." You weren't sure what you were asking for, you weren't sure why you found yourself falling apart so quickly but your ability to speak was rapidly going out the window the more you felt from him as he marked you everywhere but where you needed. You could feel yourself start to stick to the bed, your thighs growing slicker and skin prickling with perspiration.    "Please what?" He gave a devious smirk before giving a harsh suck to your taught nipple, his hands moving soothing circles along your inner thigh at your strangled cry and sharp breaths. "Please what, little one?"    "I...nngg...I want you." Your hands tugged his hair wildly, trying to get him to come back up or move or do anything else but he remained stubbornly glued to your chest, his hands still gripping you so close to your heat but nowhere near giving you relief.    "How? How do you want me? Use your words little one." His warm breath moved lower onto your body before coming teasingly close to your throbbing core as he waited for a response.    "I need you inside me." At those magic words, his fingers finally moved closer, both of you sighing in relief at the contact. The lewd sounds of him pulling apart your drenched lips as he coated his digits in your arousal filled the room.    "I think we should get you warmed up a bit, I might just tear you apart if you aren't ready." His mouth latched onto your clit, his tongue slipping back and forth as he worked one finger into you with ease before adding a second into your drenched core. At the feeling of him curling them up right at the patch of delicate nerves, you could feel something brewing, your breathing becoming frenzied as loud moans spilled out. "You're so wet, so perfect."    "All...all for you Namjoon." Your eyes were squeezed shut as the feelings became more intense, your nerves spiraling out and legs shaking at the weight of your orgasm that was just on the brink of breaking.    Namjoon gave a hum of approval at your words that sent shockwaves through your body before he slowly added a third, the stretch burning and tingling in all the right ways. His tongue flicked around you faster and he gave a gentle bite that had you clenching around him. "Cum for me little one." Fireworks of brilliant white stars went off as you fell apart at the seams, a silent scream in your throat as he moved to kiss you, his fingers still moving inside you slowly as you came down. Your mouth worked lazily back with his until he pulled back, slowly moving his fingers out and taking them into his mouth. "So sweet, just for me." The lewd image stirred a fierce need in you again, any exhaustion from the weight of your first orgasm gone at the sight of him tasting your release on his long slender fingers.    You scrambled to your knees, still shaking from the aftermath. Your hands were quick to find his belt once again. He seemed to be just as impatient as you however and quickly stood to rid himself of the offending remaining articles. Your mouth ran dry as you watched his cock spring out, his angry red tip sweeping a patch of precum right below his navel. He was almost imposingly girthy, just long enough to have saliva pooling on your tongue, and the thought of him being inside you had you clenching around nothing. He wasn't kidding when he said not warming you up might have torn you apart but now you felt yourself aching to feel him. You moved to return his earlier favor, your hands wrapping around his thick base relishing in the feel of the velvety skin and weight before he gently pulled off your hand. "Not tonight, tonight I just need to be inside you." His words were hushed, a gentle tone returning as he gave you a light kiss, slowly moving you back under him. You gazed up at his eyes and could feel yourself melt at his look of desire and tenderness returning to something more feral as his knees shifted under you.    "Please, Namjoon." This time he didn't respond with a smirk or teasing response, he just wrapped you up in his arms and gave a deep kiss as he lined himself up. The stretch was nearly painful, the feeling foreign and burning as he bottomed out. He groaned in response to being fully inside you, the sound stirring you into action as you slowly eased yourself around him and rolled your hips deeper. You felt so full, on the brink of bursting around him and then the pain was shrinking away, pleasure pulling you deeper and deeper. You clenched around him repeatedly, your body urging him to respond. "Please, move." You whispered against his lips, blinking away the tears obscuring your vision.    Something stirred in him, an animalistic need to mate, to claim you, to fill you, roaring through him at the sight of you laying there with your bruised lips parted and eyes dark with the need for him and he found himself snapping his hips sharply and he was rewarded with the musical sound of your cries. He would have said just a few days ago that perfection was a worthless pursuit but you were everything perfect, and gods did you take him perfectly. It drove him mad with this need to push boundaries, he wanted to take you to a brink of desire and watch you fall apart at it over and over until you couldn't take it anymore.    You writhed, moaned, cried out his name under him uncontrollably. Nails scratching along his back as his thrusts became harder, deeper his hips hitting you with such force you could already feel your hips bruising gloriously. As you began to move in rhythm with him your name came out as a deep rumble from his chest, your core responding by clenching around him, throbbing from the noise. He wrapped your ankles around his shoulders and the new position allowed him to sink deeper as you felt his tip repeatedly hit you right there. "I...I..."    "Cum for me, I need to mark you now. I can't hold back much longer." You gave a shaky nod of understanding as you trembled underneath him, the feeling of euphoria ripping another strangled cry out from you and then you felt his teeth sink deep into your neck. Your flesh burned, the pain almost indescribable and you felt your eyes roll back, your body falling limp under him as his tongue lapped up the blood and soothed the wound. Everything was fuzzy for a few minutes, the scent of your blood, sex, and sweat permeating the air as you finally felt yourself coming back to reality. As the pain began to recede something else started to take its place. You could feel this surge of emotion running through your veins, this powerful guttural roar of 'mine' ripping through you and you realized that this was Namjoon's wolf. Your souls were blending, merging, growing together and you could feel his emotions in a powerful burst. The connection was driving out any remnants of pain, just a small stinging sensation was left as the headiness of the all-consuming lust swam over you.    His head was still buried in the crook of your neck and then you felt something change as his thrusts got sloppier. The feelings of pleasure quickly returned and you could swear he was getting thicker, the burn of the stretch returning once again as he let out another chest rumbling growl. You moved to flip him over, wanting to watch him fall apart just the way he had watched you and smiled as he complied, never leaving from your depths in the movement. The new position gave another stretch to you, his throbbing tip reaching your cervix as you gave a long slow grind into his hips. "I'm gonna fill you up, knot you so well you and you're gonna take it perfectly little one. Still up for the challenge (Y/N)?" His hands urged faster movements as you stuttered under his teasing words, mewling in response. Your eyes locked onto his as you watched goosebumps rise up on his skin, his breaths turning ragged each time you sunk back down on him, his grip on your hips just painful enough to still be pleasurable as his release finally spilled inside you, the sound of his breathy moan making you groan back. You moved slowly a few more times before stopping, your eyes closing wearily as Namjoon gently flipped you back over. The sound of him pulling out gave a wet squelch, and you could feel a small trickle leaking out around you as you shifted.    "Are you feeling okay?" Namjoon looked over you with concern as he eyed the blossoming bruises and angry wound on your neck. His fingers gently skimmed the bite mark before leaning down and licking at it once more, the ticklish feeling making you squirm.    "I feel perfect. Well...perhaps the bite wound does sting a little, but I...I never expected to enjoy sex." Namjoon stopped at your words, a small frown of confusion on his face. "I thought I'd be forced into a terrible marriage with some boring prince caged in a castle and so I didn't even care when I thought I might actually die at the hands of some god. I figured, really how could that be worse? But then you came along, and I have to admit I've never really thought about sex as something I wanted until I saw you. I think I finally understand why the soldiers never shut up about sex, because...wow..."    Namjoon beamed with pride at the compliment, the sight of his dimples and crinkled eyes making you smile back. "I can't exactly relate, but I can say that I've never wanted something as much as you from the moment we first met." He gave a slow lazy kiss before rolling off the bed. "Where do you keep your towels?"    "Oh, there should be some small cloths on my vanity next to the wash basin." You gave a yawn, your eyes drooping as the exhaustion settled over you. You could feel Namjoon clean you but your eyes felt too heavy to open. At the sound of you trying to croak out a thank you, he just gave a kiss to your temple and pulled you into his warm embrace. You had never slept so deeply, so easily, but the warmth of his body and feeling of safety in his arms seemed to naturally lull you into slumber. Worries about your kingdom, your family, and the pack didn't weigh on your dreams this night. Instead, you just saw images of you and Namjoon, a bright future filled with love and tenderness.

[pheonixandthewisteria]

So @m-iikan tagged me in a little tag post thing-y and sorrY for the delay I uhhh, haven’t been on tumblr much recently, but nevertheless,, So this is a tag 11 people and respond to the questions and ask your own then!~ So lets get right on in~ 1) What song have you had on repeat recently? Umm,,, for me I listen to a lot of music so there’s been like 3 on repeat recently, and those are; Alec Benjamin - The Wolf and the Sheep, Ruelle - Game of Survival, and Lindsey Stirling - Crystallize.

2) If the apocalypse arrived and you had to survive for whatever reason and you could only pick one person you met online to help you get through, who would it be and why? Well, I’ve only met a few people online honestly, it would be my friends Max and Vanner or you @m-iikan. So I totally adore all of you and I’m honestly the type who enjoys meeting new people (even if it does exhaust me and make me nervous at times) and learning more about them, who they are, why they are. Max and Vanner would be because we already bonded so much over so many things and having someone else who understands a lot about how I operate and feel over things would be good. Next, M-iikan, it’s cause I’m totally excited to hypothetically(I wouldn’t force anyone) to meet you, we’ve spoken only a few times, and it wasn’t always positive but I feel like we could get a better environment created and get our heads above the water!  3) Favourite Book?

Hhh, umm.... This is more impulse because I’m watching the Shadowhunter Series, but I really Loved the Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare, I love Will and Jem and Tessa so much, I just wish- *deleted for safety of spoilers x33*

4) What’s one food you can never get tired of? 

Crab Meat Tempura. I’m love. One true love.

5) Best thing that happened to you in the past year? Quitting my job at a retail store and starting in a manufacturing company, it seems kinda simple but it is so much better, I sleep a lot better, I don’t spend time after work thinking of ways to get out of work nearly as often, don’t feel nearly as depressed due to the pressure that company put on me, so I’ll have to say that changed my mentality quite a bit. It was a risk at the start but, it was definitely worth it.

6) Shuffle your music what plays first? (I refuse to list how many times I decided against the first song it plays because its itunes and I have too many songs I shame myself for having not deleted yet) But we’ll go with the first song that I actually enjoy listening to that played was Exec_Flip_Arphage by Shikata Akiko from the Ar Tonelico III game.

7) Favourite TV show ever?

Hrm, I’ll assume this doesn’t include anime to keep my nerdism in, but I already alluded to this show before, but I absolutely adore the Shadowhunters Series. It’s on Hulu and I hate that it’s almost over, even though I know it was probably only intended to follow the Mortal Instruments books... The series is based on the books by Cassandra Clare, one of my all time favourite writers.

8) Favourite Memory

Hhholy cats, I umm... I’ll actually chose the memories I have for a particular home I lived in, but my favourite memory has to be a random blurry memory from when I was reallllly young, like hmm, maybe 2-5 years old. I had been with my family for Christmas and my uncle Lane and I had built a little fort of christmas presents and I had a little peek hole to see my family but declared myself (I think, mind you this is a very distant memory) queen of the presents, before taking them to each person whom they were for. 9) What kind of weather do you prefer most?

When it is only lightly raining and typically in autumn so you can smell the trees in the air and sunny enough to make it not be outright cold. I’m also fond of when it’s windy on a sunny warm day, not too warm just warm enough to be tank top and shorts weather.

10) Favourite fictional character and why? This question always kills me, but I’ll say Sai/X/The Phantom Thief from Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro created by Yusei Matsui. Next is Sai from Majin Tantei, So, they’re kinda the main villain for a large portion of it, but they’re just trying to find themself, TBH the gender thing for Sai is largely confusing, so I’ll stick with they/them for them due to it being a complex spoiler if I go too far into it, but they just wrecked my heart with their story and their background and what happened with Ai, I found myself sobbing through quite a lot of Majin Tantei because the characters are so good, Sai was an understandable villain who did grotesque things not always with the best intentions, but to teach a lesson of cherishing what you have before it’s gone, it’s kinda crazy really, Sai is an inventive mind, with a complete comprehension that what their doing is wrong but continuing despite that and accepting that there would be consequences, Sai is a very grey-morally character and just deserves a hug and then some tbh.

11) What can you normally find in your bag?

My ipod/Headphones (for music), a notebook for writing down rogue ideas from out of nowhere, snacks, a fan (for cons), and a few different forms of pain meds for headaches, because I get them easily especially after I got a concussion (again?) in my junior year of high school.

Wow sorry that I ramble so much I’ve been in a poetic talk-y mood today out of nowhere. And onto the questions:

1) Favourite myth and why? 2) A character you were not fond of due to their goals, but you could still respect their decision/reasoning?

3) List your favourite band or a few if you are indecisive like me~

4) If you could change your eye colour to any one you wanted regardless of genetic possibility, what colour would it be and why?” 5) Do you have a favourite foreign(not of your locale except in restaurants or such like that I guess?) food/drink and what is it? 6) When you think of masks, what sort of masks do you think of? (Examples being like Noh masks, theatrical masks, or venetian masks, etc. feel free to use these, you don’t need exact names if you don’t know them describe them~) 7) Favourite movie from when you were a child? 8) What sort of blanket do you like to sleep with (if any)?

9) If you could go to a library with infinite knowledge, what one book would you pick off the shelf and what would it be about?

10) What sort of clothes would you wear if you could wear whatever you want regardless of consequences?

11) A fictional character that you love but often find yourself getting mad at due to their choices? SOrry my questions are a bit odd, I like to sprinkle a little oddity into them and kinda get a feel for what sort of things people think of, I like to learn about people through this odd little test of random questions that make them think.

Alright, I tag @gabriel-morrison-reyes @killus-donuts-trashcan @coreytasticc @arbiters-grounds @bugslamp @maiea-maiea @darkeecofreak and anyone else who feel like doing this random set of questions~ Mind you, none of you have to participate either, voluntary choice! I chose mostly people I know irl or who I am intrigued to get to know better or hear the answers of~ Thank you~

[sunkissis]

I spent hours researching our trip to the land of fire and ice, one of my highest priorities was taking phenomenal photos. I signed up for a photography class and educated myself about my Nikon camera settings and lenses. I bought a new zoom lens but I needed something that would allow me a wider angle for close up shots. The problem was a $2,500 lens was not in my budget. I was so stoked to find out that Samy’s Camera rents Nikon lenses! I was able to try out different lenses for $25 bucks a day. I fell in love with a wide angle lens and bought a tripod because every person who has traveled to Iceland assured me I would need it to take photos of the Northern Lights. However the lens was large and heavy and along with two other lenses, the tripod, extra batteries, accessories and an external flash (that we never used) there was no way everything would fit into our camera bag. Antz somehow squeezed everything into his suitcase. I had to repack like ten times because my heavy boots didn’t fit and I kept going over the 44 lb weight maximum.

This was just one of the ten outfits I packed. I bought thermal leggings from Amazon and wore layers everyday because even on windy rainy days, I was sweating from all the hiking. I had the hardest time finding the right coat to wear in Iceland. I did not want a puffy coat because they don’t look so great on me and they only come in boring colors. I ended up finding a fantastic white wool coat from Asos on sale for like $73! It was so warm and I was the brightest person in Reykjavik.

  Making it rain in Icelandic Kronas! I found the best currency exchange place located in our new bank in Glendale.

The first day of our trip went surprisingly seamless. I may sound like a broken record but I strongly recommend flying with Wow Airlines. I will say, their gate at LAX was kinda lame and it felt like we walked for miles to get there. However they are a fairly new airline to LAX, so they don’t have a lounge area to wait in yet. Since we arrived so early and didn’t want to stand or sit on the floor for an hour, we waited in the nearby Virgin Atlantic area. Luckily, we saw the Wow crew walking by so we knew it was almost time to board. Other than that, everything was great. We had the sweetest flight attendants (ours looked like Margot Robbie) and the pilots invited Liv into the cockpit when we landed. The plane was clean and the seats had more room in coach than other airlines I’ve flown. There are only two seats for the window row so Antz had to sit across from us in the middle. All flights from Los Angeles arrive in Reykjavik at 4 am so that is something you need to plan for if you are checking into a hotel. We had a full day planned so it worked to our advantage.

Our Uber driver was a little crazy, he followed the weirdest route to LAX which took us on a journey through the back alleys of downtown but we made it on time! LAX is one of my favorite places in Los Angeles. The TSA line is always miserable but there has been improvements on the design of the international terminal.

Once we made it through the lines of agony, we did some pre-flight shopping at Fred Segal. Then we picked up a light breakfast of pastries.

Can someone please buy these for my next trip??!!

Most folks seem to have a problem when it comes to traveling with young kids but honestly, Liv has been our lucky rabbits foot. We get to board the plane first, the flight attendants absolutely love her which gets us perks and she’s a pleasure to travel with. It’s true, the earlier you travel with your kids, the more open-minded and exposed they become.

Fortunately no one sat next to Antz so he had plenty of room to spread out.

I love that we can give our daughter the gift of travel and a proclivity for adventure. As we were flying over Canada, I felt so grateful that we could afford to take this trip instead of putting it off for “one day“.

Liv ate an entire box of rice crispy treats. Don’t forget to pack plenty of snacks and water, nothing on this flight is free!

I waited my whole life to see the incredible Northern Lights. The week before we arrived in Iceland, they had the most vivid and clear Northern Lights in recent history. The government shut down all the lights in Reykjavik so people could view them better. I tracked the weather and the nightly skies on this website everyday until our trip. I slept during most of the flight but I did wake up and happened to look out the window. That sad green smear you see above is the Northern Lights. I tried and failed to take a photo with my rented lens because it was impossible to take a shot while we were moving and the glass from the window wasn’t allowing my camera to auto focus. When I took the photography class I specifically asked about taking photos at night and the key is to use a slow shutter speed, which means using a tripod. Every shot I have seen of the northern lights look like this…

That early morning was the only Northern Lights we were able to see because clouds came in with our flight and obscured the sky for the whole week. The Liz curse strikes again!

You wanna hear another great story? I booked our car rental back in July. I went ahead and splurged on an SUV with a snow package and all the extra insurance I could buy just in case. My friend Christina recommended getting a portable WiFi box so we will have coverage. I also got a navigation system even though the last time I rented a car in London, it didn’t work. So, I was pretty covered for our rental which totaled close to $800 for the week. I was promised to get a BMW X3 SUV or similar. This is what I got and believe me when I say, I acted like a disgusting, entitled American and threw a tantrum when I saw this Opal whatever it is. The chick at the rental place was like, “Bitch…you can walk.” So, here’s my Icelandic $800 pimped out ride. Well, at least it had a heated steering wheel.

The only place to eat that was open at 6am was disappointing Subway. Yet, after a long flight, we were starving so it was good to have something familiar. I got the “Cool American” flavor Doritos. It was insane that the sun doesn’t rise until 9 am. It was pitch black at 8 in the morning.

Guess those snow tires I paid for came in handy. They chilled in the trunk for the whole week. I think I could have been happier with the car if it was white. What color is this, depressing beige?

It was freezing by the time we arrived at the Blue Lagoon. I was worried we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the visit because of how cold it was outside.

The Blue Lagoon was breath-taking. It was cold but once you’re in the water, it’s lovely. Now I was glad I paid for all of our extra luggage because I brought our aqua sock water shoes. Bare feet in public spaces is my phobia! There is an indoor entrance in the water so you don’t have to walk outside in the cold. Kids under 8 are required to wear floaties but the water level was shallow enough for Liv to stand on her tippy toes.

Really, best day ever!! You must bring a GoPro to the lagoon. iPhones won’t cut it.

So surreal, it was so warm and beautiful. And we only had been in Iceland for five hours.

After a quick shower, we were back on the road, headed to our hotel for the first night. I booked the iconic Ion Luxury Hotel for our first night in Iceland because it is located in the middle of nowhere. Like, so much so that they don’t even have an traditional address. Of course, our rental’s navigation system took us an hour out of the way to get there. We were the only car driving on an endless stretch of road so I was pretty nervous we would get lost. Luckily, Iceland has awesome maps on the side of the roads for us clueless tourists. They are so thoughtful. I first read about the impressive hotel when it was featured in Afar magazine. It is known for being one of the best hotels for viewing the Northern Lights. Since it has the word luxury in the name, you know it’s expensive and also sold out even six months in advance. I must have called to make reservations every damn day until finally three weeks before our trip, they found a room for me. I was elated because this meant we could go to their beautiful Northern Lights bar and sit by the floor to ceiling windows to see the Northern Lights. It never occurred to me there would be a week of cloudy skies but we enjoyed our night at the hotel anyway.

This river was boiling hot. Iceland, you so crazy! There is steam coming from power plants all over Iceland. People who live there never have to pay to heat their water. Energy is also dirt cheap because they power mostly everything from steam.

Let me say, this hotel is unique and off the beaten track. It definitely had a James Bond sexy vibe to it. We were told that helicopter belonged to one of the guests, fancy! The Silfra restaurant is so reknown that tourists are bussed in from Reykjavik. We didn’t think to make a reservation since we were staying at the hotel and they almost couldn’t accommodate us.

A cool thing about the water in Iceland, it’s 100% from the natural springs. Iceland has the purest water on the planet so you can actually drink from the shower, the faucets or even the ground. We went to a store and tried to buy bottled water and the woman was like “No, you go to the hotel and fill up your water bottle from the tap!” Honestly, the best water I have ever tasted. It felt nice to take a long hot shower and not feel guilty about a drought.

We arrived at the hotel about noon but our room wasn’t ready yet so we hung out in the lobby. Our jet lag set in and we ended up falling asleep. I know I was snoring! When our room was ready, we had just enough time to change our clothes for our horseback riding tour. We booked a private tour through the hotel so a nice girl named Hannah picked us up and drove us to her family’s farm.

The two hours was over in an instant. It rained lightly but the sun peeked out. The horses were incredible, I was Snapchatting and taking photos most of the time so my horse was like “Ok, lady I guess I’ll control myself.”

When we got back to the hotel, we were starving. Silfra restaurant was packed. The hotel only has 24 rooms but there were booked for dinner. Iceland’s specialty is seafood and lamb but we had amazing sushi too. I used my charm to get us a table even though they require reservations. This was our most expensive meal during the trip.

OMG! This langoustine was heaven. Antz loved his seafood soup. Liv’s burger was meh.

After a quick FaceTime with my BFF, Aimee we went straight to bed. I’m actually relieved the Northern Lights weren’t out that night because it felt like we were awake for 24 hours straight so off to bed we went. It was incredibly hard to wake up early for our next long day.

Iceland Day One I spent hours researching our trip to the land of fire and ice, one of my highest priorities was taking phenomenal photos.