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coddda · 5 months ago

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Hiiiiiii. Episode 25/26 lawlight analysis rant thingy here. I don't know how to write an intro for this so let's just get to it LOL

I think one of the reasons that the rain/foot scenes stick out so much (the. Sheer insanity of a Foot Massage Scene in an anime revolving around two guys trying to kill each other aside 💀) is the fact that the anime specifically suffers a bit in terms of adapting a few of the "emotional" moments in death note.

And I don't mean "emotionally impactful" exactly. For example I think the adaptations of scenes like Raye and Naomi's deaths were very impactful and the atmospheres of their final scenes were great, but I mean more from a characterization standpoint (if that makes sense). Being more focused on mind and logic games, Death Note as a whole isn't as invested in individual characters' deeper feelings as it is in its action (which isn't necessarily a criticism per say, it's simply part of the nature of a mystery thriller series). But just because they're fewer and farther between doesn't mean there are none at all. In the manga we do get to see, for example, how much Light actually cared for his family and especially Sayu, and how he actually felt more conflicted and suffered lack of sleep/appetite when he first used the Death Note.

The anime specifically as an adaptation is pretty good at adapting the main mind fuckery and action of Death Note, but its lacking in properly adapting scenes like the ones I mentioned above is a criticism I see somewhat often, and it's pretty fair imo. Compared to all the other adaptations, it certainly seems to fall short on an emotional level: the musical has entire songs going in depth about the characters feelings and relationships, the 2015 jdrama is. Insane and has its emotional moments in spades (because it's a TV drama, which are more focused on portraying emotional conflict and the like), even the 2006 movies has its emotional beats and L Change the WorLd is. Well. Oh Man.

Anime Light to a lot of people is like. Light but he's "already evil" (which I have my own thoughts on but I digress). Light but after using the Death Note for like 2 minutes he's already like "fuck yeah time to kill criminals". Basically the anime doesn't take as much time to delve into his less cynical sides or really delve into his already vague and harder to decipher feelings in general, he is noticeably colder from the get-go here, etc.

But that's part of why I think episode 25 manages to stand out so much tonally (apart from it being, y'know, the episode L literally Dies). I love the episode so much and could probably rant for hours about how much I love the artistic choices made in it but what I'm trying to get at here is that it's one of the very few moments where the show tries to go deeper into specific character's emotions, and one of the very few moments where the show Attempts (emphasis on "attempts" because, well, you'll see in a bit) to get more in-depth into Light's feelings apart from his cynicism/apathy/justice. ness.

L in these two scenes in episode 25 is, well, pretty damn open about how he feels. It's usually interpreted as him knowing that he's going to die, and you can see it. He visibly looks/sounds lost, somber, etc. He never really had much to hide around Light to begin with (since he doesn't really care about hiding himself the same way Light does) but especially not now and it Shows, and I personally thought it was pretty cool to delve into his thoughts/show how he feels this way. The somberness can be felt throughout the entire scene, even people who don't already know the plot of Death Note from the manga could probably tell that he's about to die.

In the manga, once L starts suspecting Misa again and Rem realizes what Light is trying to do, it goes straight to Watari and L's deaths, but the anime instead gives a distinct and unexpected pause in the middle of this where L contemplates his own death. It's fucking great, and the shift from straight action to slower emotional weight makes these scenes stand out a lot, since, like I said, the show usually focuses more on the former. But it's kind of ironic, too.

Not only does the anime open up L's feelings more in these scenes, but it also tries to dig deeper into Light's feelings as well through L. And it's really funny honestly because while, yes, these are the more "emotionally open" scenes of the anime Light still manages to be Incredibly avoidant and contribute almost nothing to the entire ordeal.

L is visibly upset -> "Yeah Ryuzaki, you're not making any sense at all" (Not addressing the obvious conflict from L)

"Tell me, Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" -> "[The most stale, over-explained, avoidant answer to a "yes/no" question that you could ever hear + blatant attempts to reframe the question]"

(L's half-smile here kills me) "I had a feeling you'd say something like that" -> [Nothing]

"I'm sorry" -> [Nothing]

"It'll be lonely won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon" -> [Nothing]

^ From this point Light continues to say literally Nothing for the rest of the scene. I'm not even joking, from then on the rest of Light's voicelines are reduced to nothing but vague noises of confusion.

Everytime L calls Light out as a person ("Has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" / "I had a feeling you'd say something like that." / "Won't it be lonely?") he doesn't actually acknowledge anything. Out of those three lines, he only answers verbally to if he's ever told the truth, and even then it's the most blatantly people-pleasing answer ever, as it usually is with Light. And I don't think it's because Light just. Doesn't care about any of what L's saying at all, or that he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about (questioning Light's authenticity as a person, saying it would be lonely when they part), instead he's choosing not to acknowledge any of what this means about himself or him and L at all. He's like a fucking wall.

And like, for the truth question in particular, the show makes sure that you know it's not something that Light just. Doesn't care enough about to answer. The hard cuts to silence are a very rare but extremely effective way that the show conveys an extremely important moment (see: Light regaining his memories, Matsuda noticing Light opening the warehouse door before he escapes (not as much of a "direct" cut to silence but still)), and cuts to multiple angles/framings/zooms of the exact same shot are also used for the same purpose (see: Light hugging Misa when she was crying, Matsuda aiming his gun to shoot Light, Light regaining his memories Again). Just like the scene where Light gets his memories back, the moment L's question finishes the show utilizes both. That question cut Deep. There's is a solid Almost 5 seconds of silence before the sound of the rain gradually starts fading back in, and honestly that should be telling enough as is (but of course Light doesn't actually admit that. Or anything at all really, so). Oh also another fun detail! We do not see Light's face At All (except for the shot where you can see his mouth moving but not his eyes), for the Entire time that he's going on his spiel to L. We Will Be Revisiting This Later, by the way. This is not, in fact, the first time you're going to see this detail from Light.

The only sort of reciprocation that we see from Light during Any of these two scenes is when Light dries L's hair while L dries his feet. Biblical meanings/references aside it's interesting because it's the only time he directly does anything "for" L in these scenes, but even then he doesn't try to pass it off as anything meaningful really the same way L does ("You're still soaked", a purely neutral and factual statement. It doesn't Add Anything compared to L's. Sin atonement loneliness grieving stuff. While Light is showing his own reciprocation to this more personal moment he also tries to keep it impersonal enough that it doesn't actually have to mean anything deep). And when L says "I'm sorry" after he once again gets no response from Light. It's also after this that L gets that pained look on his face, like he knows that at this point he's not actually going to get anything meaningful from Light (again, very significant and rare from L in the show. We've seen him in distress (see: when Ukita died, hell, when Watari dies), but even then he mostly manages to keep his usually neutral expression), we never see him "look sad" like he does here):

I just think it's interesting that this is one of the few scenes in this particular adaptation of Death Note where they try to open up the character's thoughts/feeling (especially considering the fact that they. lowkey blunder in adaptations of original scenes from the manga), and L himself is being rather open (not that he ever really tries to hide what he thinks nearly as much as Light), and yet all Light contributes to it in return is like. Actually nothing. Bro fumbled it. There is no resolution to any of this, to any of what L asks at all, to any of the many opportunities for a meaningful conversation, and the only thing even relatively close to an answer that you can get from Light is what you can infer from how he acts in the episode after L dies, where he's just going through the motions, but hardly acting as if he's actually living at all.

(Honestly I think the transition from this scene with the taskforce to the subsequent scene with Misa says enough on its own. Light's expressions and tone says everything:)

(Oh sidenote but. This shit again:

"Light, this is our first date in forever. can't you enjoy yourself a little more?" ('Why don't you seem happy? We can finally be together since L is dead') -> No response, Light instead changing the topic to him wanting to move in with Misa without changing his mannerisms at all

Also there's that one detail again. You pretty much don't see Light's expression when he speaks here at all, except for one shot of his eyes, which is quite literally the exact same shot they used when he "saw" L, just altered for the new setting. You have No idea what he looks like when he's responding to Misa, although it's probably fair to assume that it's the same empty stare he has for the whole Two Shots where you can clearly see his whole expression in the entire scene.

Something something Light Yagami bad at feelings I think you get the point though)

I guess Light's Kind of showing what he's feeling now? He'll admit to himself that it's boring without L, but no more than that. Light never actually admits to anything "significant", and L's dead already anyway, so what would that even do?

And then we get, uh. Basically nothing from Light. For the next 5 Years. Except that he joined the NPA, so, uh, yay? Good job, Light you totally nailed it! Thank you for allowing us as an audience to delve deeper into your inner thoughts and feelings as a character so we can find out more about you as a person! Very helpful! Thank you for not sabotaging one of your few dedicated opportunities to look into yourself as a person and reflect on your relationships with others and being 100% honest with yourself! We stay winning guys.

Anyway, this got way too long for a scene that's over a decade old, and I've probably just said everything that everyone else has already said in this fandom before. But unfortunately this has been living in my head for way too long and I must scream. I just think this episode's neat is all :)

tl;dr Part of the reason why the rain/foot scene (tbh episode 25 in General) stands out so much is because the Death Note anime specifically was a bit robbed in terms of its more emotional character moments compared to the other medias, which makes more somber/introspective scenes like the ones in episode 25 stand out a Lot in comparison. But it's also incredibly ironic because it's one of the few moments where the show (or specifically L) tries to look deeper into Light's character, but because he is so avoidant for the entire duration of these two scenes he adds basically nothing at all. It's almost funny. Mostly sad. It's also very gay. Aand post

Okay actually nevermind one more thing I talked about how the jdrama is supposed to be more emotionally in-depth because it is a TV Drama and just for the record, same thing happens there! I could probably do an entire analysis of the Blue Scene in this context like I did with episode 25 but I'd literally be here forever, so uh, just take this iconic line as my main example:

Same Thing. L's statement "I wish we could have met some other way" is personal. It's his own wish, his own regret that he is expressing to Light. While Light's reply obviously has that same regret implied it's also phrased in a specifically impersonal way. It's closed off. "This is the only way we could have met" it closes off the topic and simply renders L's wish as ultimately futile. Light does not say that he Also wishes he could have met L a different way even if it was likely impossible, instead it's a cold statement of cynical fact.

Idk just. Something something L being able and Willing to be more openly sentimental/emotionally open towards Light/about Light vs. Light's inability to be honest with anyone including himself and his own nature preventing any form of meaningful reciprocation. Something something self-sabotage, y'know the drill. God don't even get me Started on how sincere L's tone is when he says "It'll be lonely won't it?"(at least in the eng dub) in the anime I could talk about his tone in that scene for ages. Also yes all of this relates to L Change the WorLd too by the way. Don't ask how it just does okay.

I do think that scenes like these (rain/foot scene, The Blue Scene. Uh. L Change the WorLd The Novel Adaptation) show, at least in those adaptations, that L does genuinely care for Light, and show that he values him as a friend not just in the mindgame-equal sense but also just like, a more sincere sense you know. Idk if that made any sense and that's a whole other topic for another day but you guys just have to believe me on this one alright please please believe me buries head in hands. Okay post over finally thanks for coming to my tedtalk hope you enjoyed my very-unnecessarily long analysis of the week

#death note #dn #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #death note anime #coda analyzes stuff #sorry this is all very scattered and probably doesn't make sense i wrote this on a whim one day and then the post had a mind of its own #this was originally gonna be shorter but then light yagami (derogatory) happened #it was so difficult to avoid going on 27450438 different tangents i love this series btw #you know my post about LCtW parallels with Light post L's death. yeah pretend i copy pasted that whole analysis here too #it also applies and is very relevant #death note multiverse my beloved i will love you forever #i just ran this through a word counter 1K+ word rant about these scenes. in 2024. God i'm Cooked #^ LMAOOOOOOOO (laughs in ~2.5K wordcount weeks later at the time of finally finishing writing this) god I Hate it here #also sorry i havent been posting a lot of art lately i'm busy and i've decided to save up all my Art Energy for lawlight week #so i've just been finishing off and posting analysis that have been floating in my drafts.lawlight stp au parallels/notes are probably next #sorry not sorry </3

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kiyomitakada · 1 month ago

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okay fuck it i went to a leonardo da vinci exhibit today and now i have a leonardo da vinci death note AU in my head because i am a parody of myself so you can fucking have it i guess what do i even do with this

light yagami: young genius polymath who is good at literally everything

unfortunately for him he is a foreigner in italia (his family immigrated) so the government is not letting him anywhere near their weaponry projects. instead he does art. yes light yagami painted the mona lisa no i do not take criticism i’m in too deep

his portraits are predictably amazing. smash hit. soon aristocracy from all over italy is contacting him to draw them and their mother. this means he doesnt even have time in the day to draw giant fuckoff warship designs anymore. what point is there to life, he sulks.

eventually he accepts a commission from one kyosuke higuchi! we’re italianizing him because i really don’t think this AU works otherwise but let’s call him higuchi anyway. higuchi is a fifty-something duke of something or other who has recently married one misa amane who is twenty-something (the same age as light). misa is the subject of the portrait because higuchi just loves his darling wife so much (read: they had a shotgun wedding and higuchi needs to keep up appearances)

light is like wow someone who isn’t white it’s been like five years. i kind of feel bad for her, this situation is very suspicious. hello miss amane if you’ll just sit down over there while i get my brushes

misa (seeing the first person who has been even remotely sympathetic to her absolutely horrific life, noticing he hasn’t tried to make any advances on her at all [this is a good thing]): I AM DRASTICALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

light: what

misa’s plan of seducing light predictably fails because he’s light, so she explains she has to get the fuck away from higuchi somehow

light is like okay well i am sorry to hear that but what does this have to do with me.

misa, tearing up: im a damsel in distress! also i can get you information about his court

light: whats his job

misa: financial advisor

light: oh fuck yes okay

so light’s plan is now to worm into the yotsuba court to get funding and hopefully sway them enough to let him pitch his cool weaponry ideas so he can Change The World. he does need income in general too (both for himself and his family; expected lifespan was way shorter then obviously).

misa’s plan is to kill higuchi somehow which will be much easier with light as backup she thinks

so. light packs up and moves to the yotsuba court which is thrilled to have THE light yagami portrait artist (i do more than portraits…) in their employ

oh yeah, misa mentions, the prince of the yotsuba court is kind of�� weird

light: you could have told me this before

misa: ehe. dont worry about it!! it’s just um. he had a weird personality shift a few years ago? and now he refuses to wear royal attire. he always dresses like a peasant.

light: well it’s not like i’m going to be there to judge him on fashion am i.

THAT’S RIGHT. SIKE THIS IS AN ISEKAI NOW. yes L does remember light killing him <3 he (L) woke up in fifteenth century renaissance italy in a twenty-something-year-old body immediately after the heart attack. by some miracle he already knew italian.

so everything is going swell until one day light walks into his workshop to find the prince flipping through his notebook

light, sleep deprived: hey what the fu—i mean. uh. good morning your highness

there’s no need for that formality. call me L.

(…but your name doesn’t start with an L?) thank you, your highness L. um. sorry i know my handwriting’s messy.

on the contrary i find it completely readable, as long as one reads backwards and caesar shifts it three letters forward.

(oh SHIT he’s onto me) haha what are you talking about?

in fact i think this mechanical dragonfly contraption is rather ingenious.

oh aha that’s not important, just a passing fancy honestly

[ignoring him] if only you had some better way of providing torque, because as it stands the spring engine is extremely poorly designed.

what the fuck did you just say to me

[they end up physically fighting over the notebook because of course they do. meet cute!]

some more details:

ryuk is the patron light eventually gets after being in higuchi’s court for a bit

rem is higuchi’s personal assistant, who was disowned by her own royal-blooded family because her family sucks. she hates her job. if it weren’t for misa she’d probably be on the other side of the country by now

i don’t know where the wammy kids are. they’re definitely competing to be the heir to L’s throne but also they’re not related because there is no way that all the wammy kids (the whole orphanage of wammy kids) could have come from the same person. maybe some kind of insufferably high collar royal boarding school? did they even have those? help me

kiyomi and teru are both advisors in other courts (which are extremely corrupt, light seethes, in his perfect world there wont be any of those anymore) (you work for a court light) (thats different)

okay i’m done for today. you never know about tomorrow though. /threat.

[ @deathnotetober day 12: isekai ]

#i think theres so much you could do with canon L meeting au light but i cant fucking write renaissance dialogue so here you go #death note #light yagami #misa amane #l lawliet #our three major players!#lawlight #deathnotetober #higuchi is here too but i dont know if this is enough of a him post to warrant the tag #DISCLAIMER: i know nothing about leonardo da vinci outside of the exhibition i went to today #sorry for any historical inaccuracies #on the plus side if you spot any you probably have enough knowledge to write this

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nevernonline · 10 months ago

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✧.* twenty-seven?; ksy

synopsis: you always wanted to be considered a ‘serious’ journalist, but to get the chance at moving up the ranks and getting to produce your own stories, you’re get an idea to do one final story and impress your boss, that’s where inspiration strikes with the one and only soonyoung.

part of my ninety minute movies one shot series. ♡︎

paring: hoshi x fem! reader.

genre: strangers2lvrs

warning/s:mentions of substances (alcohol, weed, cig, vape etc.) swearing, very bad jokes!, just fluffy and nice no seggsy time

word count: 8.4k

content: . non-idol idolings, some other svt members. hoshi is down bad fast xo.

note: my next little inspired movie writing is the icon that is 27 dresses. except instead of our female lead being the one in the wedding its my fav tiger (hamster) soony. I just love sappy cutie soonyoung so I apologize in advance. also unedited bc im a loser srry. it shouldn't be tew bad bc I tried to take my time lol. ily.

Finding a cozy spot at a table to the left of the bride and groom, you flipped open your notebook and started jotting down pin points on the decor, the flowers, the bride's beautiful flowing silk gown, and the way the groom looked at her with stars in his eyes.

The first dance song rang around the room gathering all the adorned looks of friends and family watching as another couple took the leap on spending the rest of their lives together.

A rocks glass was placed in front of your pen and paper as the chair next to her was suddenly filled with the stranger who put it there.

“Taking notes for your own wedding?”

“Oh. No, I'm doing a piece for the Daily on their wedding.”

“Are you y/n l/n by any chance?”

“I am. You’re familiar with me?”

“Yeah, just through the bride. She’s my sister. She talks about you nonstop. I’m Soonyoung, I was the one who contacted you.”

“I see. Nice to meet you. What’s the drink for?”

“Working hard, I figured you should at least enjoy yourself a little bit.”

“That’s nice. Thank you.”

Soonyoung stared at the girl across from him, trying to catch a peak at her notes seeing if she was painting this night in a perfect light.

You caught on and shut the book quietly, giving him a small wink as a shout it would be everything his sister wanted.

“What’s the drink?”

“A vodka soda, lemon.”

“So, you know my drink order? Thought you said you didn’t know who I was?”

“I saw you at a wedding a few weeks ago, my friend Seungkwan. I noticed your drink, that's all. That’s how I got your contact actually.”

“Lying on the first meet, a great sign. No wonder you look so familiar to me. You were the best man right? But blonde at the time?”

“My sister would’ve killed me if I was blonde at her wedding and sorry not lying just felt creepy admitting it.

“I liked it.”

Soonyoung laughed remembering the conversation he had with his sister about his hair.

“So what’s it like being in two weddings in one month, Soonyoung?”

“Actually I’m going to be in three. Next week my coworker is getting married. Which would make my wedding count twenty-six.”

“You’ve been to twenty-six weddings?”

“Yep. After next week anyway. What’s your wedding count?”

“Ones I’ve covered? Too many to count. Ones I’ve been in? Two I think. Both of my brothers are married. That’s about it.”

“So you cover weddings but aren’t married?”

Rolling your eyes at his unfiltered nature, you couldn’t help but feel like his question was out of curiosity and not judgment. The way his eyes searched hers for answers was genuinely adorable.

“Almost at one point, but he cheated on me and is marrying her now. I didn’t actually become a journalist to cover weddings anyway, it sort of just happened.”

“I see.”

“What about you? Being at all those weddings and never getting married?”

“No. Not even close, I was in love with the same girl for a long time, but she didn’t feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

After spending the rest of your night enjoying Soonyoungs company, you bid goodbye to the bride and groom and headed back to your home to get down to working on the article.

Digging through your black leather tote you realize you forgot to take your journal home with you, leaving it on the white table cloth being distracted by a new friend.

Realizing you don’t have his number you took it upon yourself to stalk his social media profiles in hope you could find a way to get in contact with him, maybe he was your saving grace in taking your book for safekeeping until he could give it back to you.

Saying fuck it for now you just began typing away about your night, thanking god or whomever that you backed up your calendar digitally when you get a clever idea to write an article still about weddings, but about the person you met who had been a groomsmen all those times. Searching for any kind of photos and videos of his past times supporting nuptials.

All you came up with was a couple cheesing photos of him posing in his suits of many colors and types when you get the idea to go back into your own rolodex of photos and writings from weddings you’ve done in the past, noticing him standing near the bride and groom in just a few it was now safe to say he has piqued your interest even more than before.

You decided to draft an email to your boss begging for the chance to write her an article about the types of bridesmaids and groomsmen who’ve been involved in many years of weddings as a support, if you found one person who had done so many in a short time it wouldn’t be hard to find more right?

Before getting ready for bed you sat refreshing your email waiting for the go-ahead to investigate Soonyoung further with the excuse that it was simply just for work, it took multiple scrolls to the point where your thumb was starting to hurt from running it over the screen until she replied.

‘Y/n, feel free to start drafting up the story. If I like it I’ll let you have more creative articles in the future. Please have it on my desk in two weeks.’

When the morning finally arrived, you had to make the rough decision to get out of bed and head to grab a coffee from the shop in your apartment lobby. Normally you’d be cuddled on your couch with your cat, spending your Saturday morning reading and watching reruns of your favorite reality shows, but much to your surprise the coffee stash you usually have stocked has dried up.

Exiting the silver doors of the elevator a call came from the front desk attendant and you were met by a brown paper bag tied with a bow, the outside scribbled on with some crayons of silly faces and drawings of cartoon tigers, stickers of hello kitty, and a pink note taped to the handle.

“Miss. Y/l/n! Some boy dropped this for you last night.”

“Oh? Thank you, Max.”

Ripping open the small note in line for your morning brew, it instantly puts a smile on your face.

‘Hi, I noticed you left this on the table. Hope it’s not weird. I dropped it off for you. Your address was inside. At least I can stalk you now. - Soonyoung (wedding guy lol)”

Inside the bag was your planner and a few random pieces of candy thrown around. A small bookmark was placed on a page and written underneath was a date for next Thursday and the number of your new favorite subject marked ‘single seeking wedding date.’

After grabbing the paper cup from the barista behind the counter you whip your phone out and dial the number written inside your prized possession.

“Hello, is this the single seeking a date?”

“Hey, it is. Is this the cute girl who’s planner I found?”

“I think so? I don’t know any other cute girls who like going to weddings.”

“Are you available for drinks and a little pre-wedding party?”

“When?”

“Tonight.”

“Tonight? Wow. Eager to see me again I see.”

“I am. And I’m being bold right now which is new for me, so please don’t make me cry.”

“Aw. But I’m sure you’re so pretty when you cry.”

“I’m always pretty, y/n. So?”

“Sure. Why not?”

You heard Soonyoung gasp over the phone and drop something loud.

“Really?”

“Want me to take it back?”

“No. Cool. I will.. pick you up at 6:30? We can get some drinks before and then it’s just like a casual party, but my friends are kind of fancy so maybe like nice cocktail attire. I’m sure you know.”

“Okay. I’m sure you remember where to find me? After all, you did confess to being a stalker.”

“Oh my god. I was kidding, don’t take me seriously. I’ll see you then.”

“See you, Soony. Ok now I’m corny. That wasn’t meant to be a pun. Bye.”

Hearing the boy's laughter over the phone almost gave you butterflies.

“You’re funny. Bye.”

Spending the rest of your normally relaxing afternoon getting ready to slyly interrogate your new friend, you decided to not go out of your way to look overly special after all you weren’t even sure this quote on quote date was anything romantic or just a way of initiating a friendship.

Just before you leave your front door you sat to think if it was appropriate to bring along the same journal that was delivered to you the same morning, but made the conscious decision to leave it behind and not make this first night getting to know each other about you digging into his life for your own gain.

The ride down the elevator had you inspecting yourself in its small safety mirror, fixing the very last strand of hair that felt out of place on your head, not paying any attention to the people jumping off and on from their various floors.

When you finally stepped out into the marble covered lobby, you immediately spotted Soonyoung draped over the side of the couch holding his legs close, almost like a nervous child looking around the room and pouting because he can’t find his toy.

When he finally locked eyes with you his childlike demeanor changed immediately into a spunky puppy, jumping up from his seat and dusting off crumbs on his pants that weren’t even there in the first place, maybe to wipe his hands from their small sweat they were undergoing.

“Hi, y/n. You look very nice”

“Really? So do you. Where are we headed?”

“There’s a cool poet themed bar just like two blocks from here, I thought you’d enjoy it since you’re a writer and everything.”

You looked at Soonyoung with wide eyes, it was a sign of how considerate he was yet again, just like the thought he put into bringing you, your planner and decorating the bag.

His sharp brown eyes sparkled under the street lights, almost like they were reflecting stars, his baggy khaki pants with matching jacket slung perfectly over his frame, he was cute. You could admit it to yourself that something about him was magnetic and you already wanted more.

“Y/n? Is that not your thing? I’m sorry we can do something else, I shouldn’t of assumed all writers like poetr-“

“Oh I’m sorry, I was distracted. Has anyone told you that you have insanely cute eyes? But yes, poetry’s cool. I’m more of a classic novel girl, but it sounds fun. Stop second guessing yourself. You’re good.”

Your hand moved faster than your brain as you brought it up to pat him gently on his shoulder, a confirmation that you were having a good time and trying to ease his awkwardness.

“Yeah, people have once or twice.”

“Good. They really are cute.”

The pink of Soonyoung’s cheeks grew into a deep red as he led you into the bar. The walls were covered in decaying pieces of paper written with words people had to get out for comfort. The smell was like the oldest library on earth, with a tinge of vanilla and vodka ringing through.

Your brain took a moment to be present and remember all of the bad dates of your past. Maybe this wasn’t a date of your future, but if it was, he had already exceeded your expectations.

As the waitress took your order, one Body Electric for your new friend a legit inspiration from Walt

Whitman to your choice which was a play on a Sylvia Plath poem.

“Are you a lightweight?”

You looked at Soonyojng not even halfway through his drink, feeling the ease and warmth of his body next

to you.

“How can you tell?”

“You relaxed for the first time tonight.”

“I was nervous to hangout with you. I’m sorry. You’re just cool and pretty and I don’t know I feel like you’re way smarter than me and I’m intimidated by that sober”

“I’m sure that’s not true. But if it’s any help I was nervous too.”

“Really? So I have game?”

“No. But you’re so cute I’d die if I hurt your feelings.”

“So you’re a lightweight too?”

“What? No way. Just honest to a fault.”

Soonyoung smiled into the rim of his glass before taking his final sip and prompting you to finish your drink quickly, which you happily obliged.

“Okay, on the way there.. I have to admit something. The party we’re going to is for the girl I liked before she got with this guy… it’s like unrequited love in a way.”

“The girl you said you don’t love anymore?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I dragged you into this. I just wanted to see you again so I thought it was a good idea.”

“I’m down. I’m not sure what, but I’m down.”

“Cool.”

“Want me to pretend to be your girlfriend? Or? I feel like it would be weird to say we were on a first date.”

“Is this a date?”

“Is it not?”

“It was meant to be and it definitely is now.”

“So pretend girlfriend, Soony?”

“Maybe not an official girlfriend, how about… fourth date?”

“Okay, have we had sex?”

Soonyoung choked on his own spit which caused the two of you to end up in a fit of laughter on the street as you reached your next destination.

“Obviously.”

“That’s fair. I’ll tell everyone you were good.”

“I think I love you.”

“Shut up.”

After spending the night waltzing around and parading your further long relationship with your fake new boyfriend to his friends in hopes to prove his fondness for his newest engaged friend has gone away even slightly.

While maybe you were pretending to be on a date with Soonyoung, your head was spinning. If this was a fake date it was better than any date you had previously. Stepping outside to take a break from the party inside you pulled out your phone, jotting down notes and small nuggets of information you learned about Soonyoung’s past wedding experiences.

“Taking notes on me? What are you a PI?”

Behind you, you hadn’t realized the door you snuck out of opened and the boy had followed behind, curious if you were okay.

“Yeah, you’re under investigation for being overly nice. Sorry.”

“What do they say? I didn’t read them, just saw my name.”

“Just some antidotes I want to remember. Nothing crazy.”

“Do you want to leave? I’m starting to reach my alcohol limit and I would rather die than have you see my drunk alter ego the first time we hung out.”

“Yeah, come on, let's go.”

Going back through the back exit, you tripped behind Soonyoung’s tall frame grabbing onto his shoulder and giggling before he stood in the way of you hitting the ground.

His lips were curled into a goofy smile.

“I swear to god if you say something about me falling for you, you will get punched.”

“How did you know?”

“That fucking goofy smile you have on your face right now, I could just see it brewing in that head of yours.”

“Okay, I don’t like that you’ve already figured me out. Let’s go, klutz.”

Before you and Soonyoung could exit back into the fresh air, a familiar face appeared in front of you. Your ex boyfriend. Something about this night clicked for you, it was his party, there were so many people around and the only person from the wedding party you met was the bride. But taking a breath in and looking around the room, you realized how stupid you were to not see all the signs that this party was for him.

“Y/n? Hoshi? Hey, how have you guys been?”

Soonyoung still holding his arm around your shoulder gave a small back and fourth look between you and the tall boy who knew your name.

“You guys know each other?”

“Yep. Hi, Jihoon.”

“I didn’t know you knew Hoshi either?”

“Oh well we just started dating, he invited me to come hangout.”

“Dating? Wow. I didn’t know you had time for people outside of work anymore.”

“Jihoon, if you don’t mind we have to go now. Thank you for the open bar and this amazing time chatting, congratulations on marrying your hookup. Goodnight.”

The start of your walk with Soonyoung was pure silence, there was an obvious elephant in the room and you could tell he was just itching to talk about it, so you decided to prompt him.

“You’re curious aren’t you.”

“Yes. But I don’t want to ask you to talk about it because we’re having fun. So I figured I’d try to ignore it.”

“It’s fine. I’m curious too actually, it’s kind of funny that the girl you liked was hooking up with my boyfriend and now they’re married. And by funny I mean actually funny and we just spent the whole night not knowing that.”

“I didn’t even know that Jihoon had a girlfriend when they first met, he never said anything about it.”

“I don’t blame him actually, I do work way too much. I just wished he’d broken up with me instead of cheating on me for a month.”

“When did you guys break up?”

“Last December.”

“Oh.”

“It was more than a month wasn’t it?”

“I think so.”

“Cool, cool, cool.”

“That’s fucked up y/n, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s okay, we weren’t supposed to be together and his new girlfriend or future wife whatever seems like she’s really nice.”

“She is, but she’s too nice. She does everything he wants, maybe he couldn’t handle your independence.”

“Soony. You caught on that I’m a bad bitch?”

“Have you met yourself?”

“No. But, if I did I’d be obsessed with her and hate her at the same time.”

“That’s exactly how I feel.”

You punched his side, before stopping and realizing you had come up to your front door. Not even worried about the way your feet were aching to get out of your heeled shoes.

“This is me.”

“I know. I’ve been here like three times now in less than twenty-four hours. I’m starting to believe you actually think I’m stupid.”

“Not stupid. Just silly. I’ll see you again right?”

“I mean I did put days on your calendar to schedule out time for me.”

“You littl-“

Suddenly you were cut off by Soonyoung’s hand covering your mouth to put a stop to you cursing him out.

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

Sinking your teeth into his hand he retreated from his momentary confidence quickly, looking at the proud smile you were sporting, pointing your well manicured finger in his face.

“Don’t tell women to shut up, Soony.”

“I never said shut up, you were going to call me a mean name and I’m sensitive. Go back to calling me cute.”

“Maybe. Next time.”

You went in for a one armed hug when all of the sudden Soonyoung came in with both arms, clinking your heads together.

“Very smooth.”

He liked the fact that you constantly teased him while making light of situations, regaining his confidence he pulled you into his embrace enveloping both arms around your shoulders, placing a small kiss on the part of your forehead that crashed into his.

“I’ll see you next week.”

“What’s next week?”

“The wedding, check your planner. Well actually I’ll see you in two nights because we have to shop or go through your closet so we can match! Bye, y/nie.”

Caught off guard by the kiss on your head and watching him hail a cab like it was nothing, you couldn’t help but smile on your way into your building, met by Max at the front desk beaming as wide as you and giving you a wink. Knowing that he saw the cute and awkward interaction you shared with the hyper hamster outside.

The two days in between you and Soonyoung’s first official interaction, you felt yourself looking forward to seeing him again and being in his presence like your own personal serotonin boost.

The insane fact that your ex was marrying the girl he cheated on was enough, but the girl being Soonyoung’s painful crush? Especially when you felt he was becoming yours was beyond insane.

You made up separate drafts of your article about the people who make weddings shine, from the families, the bridal parties. the insane bachelor and bachelorette nights, and mainly Soonyoung’s love for love.

The two works of nonfiction were from different perspectives, one being your head and one being your heart. You couldn’t decide if it was appropriate to present a piece basically claiming how amazing you found Soonyoung for the whole world to see when you’re not even sure if he’d ever consider you to be more than a silly writer girl y/n, his friend or fake girlfriend. Your other was from the space of practicality, a genuine love letter to your career and the person who inspired this story, but also digging deep into the ideals of how frantic and selfish the wedding industry can be and what it means for an unmarried friend to take in burdens constantly for their loved ones when it takes a toll on their own heart.

The biggest debate in your body was the fact the real article, the one you wanted to write, was at the fault of someone who had only in the short space of two days made you feel again, but it was honest and genuine.

You knew Soonyoung had to have some pain working and being a part of a wedding for the girl he saw himself marrying.

Luckily you have another few days to decide which way it’ll go.

Sitting on the thought of what one you should put out, you were awoken out of your thought bubble to a string of buzzes from your cell phone sitting face down on your desk.

None other than the boy that had been living in your head for the past 48 hours.

Soonyoung’s texts were multiple lines of photos and silly messages asking you which outfit he should wear that could match any of the dresses you had hanging in your closet for the wedding.

One of the options was a beige suit, simple in theory but something about the way he styled it with a funky sage green t-shirt and matching sneakers made you smile. Even if you didn’t have anything to match this outfit you would make an effort to go out and spruce up your wardrobe to be on his level.

After quickly responding that it was your choice, he retorted back in his true fashion you’d have to send him your options too or he’d come over to help you.

In a desperate subconscious way you agreed to his antics.

Now nearly an hour later a call came from the front desk that a visitor had arrived asking for consent he could come upstairs which you happily agreed assuming it was none other than Soonyoung himself. The person on the opposite side of the door was not the sharp eyed boy you’d expected, but Jihoon.

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you after the other night, I just wanted to say hey.”

“Okay? Then text me. Don’t come over unannounced, I have a friend I’m expecting.”

“You wouldn’t have responded.”

“That’s true.”

Standing with your arms crossed in your doorway not letting Jihoon into the now redecorated apartment you once had let him live in, you weren’t budging on your gut feeling to let him in and talk.

“Can I come in?”

“Like I said. I’m expecting a friend. So.. no.”

“Who? Hoshi? You guys aren’t seriously together? He’s not your type, too goofy.”

“Isn’t he your friend?”

“He’s Nana’s friend, but he’s okay. I’m just saying it's not your style.”

Nana? A stupid nickname for his fiance who’s name was simply Anna. So as you rolled your eyes and shut your apartment door behind you as you stepped into the hallway as a clear defining factor he was not welcome you stood far apart from him as a line in the sand.

“He’s not goofy. He’s sweet and yes he’s on his way so maybe you should leave before saying anything else so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.”

Jihoon wavered a bit, looking towards the elevator door at the end of the hall as if like a movie Soonyoung would walk out of the elevator at the mention he was on his way over.

“Maybe take the stairs. I’ll see you at your wedding with my date.”

Rushing in and slamming the door in his face, you sink to the floor in a moment of pure exhaustion over interacting with someone like your ex.

Why wasn’t Soonyoung right for you? Why did you not want that to be true? And why were you so dead set on proving him absolutely wrong?

In your rush of emotions another knock came to your door. Without looking through the peephole you swung it open rapidly.

“Look I told you to g- oh, Soonyoung! Thank god.”

Your body made a move before your head could even catch up as you ended up hugging him tightly, rushing him inside as if Jihoon didn’t get the message and was watching in from a hidden spot in the corridor.

“Y/N are you okay?”

“Yes. Sorry, someone just came over that I did not want to see. Welcome.”

You watched as his eyes took in the view of your pink and green splattered apartment, things like funky vases full of wildflowers, plant tendrils floating down from shelves tucked between books of various sizes and ages, a small nook with sleeping white and black cat hid inside snuggling into his stuffed toy.

“I love it here.”

“Really? I redecorated recently, it was cold before. I love it now.”

“Also it smells amazing, do you bake? It smells like cookies and coffee. Wow.”

“I do not bake, but I do have candles that give the illusion. What’s in the bag?”

Soonyoung set a small black duffle bag down on the counter and began pulling the contents out one by one, showing them off like a beauty guru.

Wine, five small bags of potato chips, beer Incase you didn’t like wine and he was unsure, a slice of delicious looking chocolate cake, and a container marked with your name of his moms homemade soup.

“Why did you do this?”

“I thought we would have fun while picking out matching outfits. Will you let me see your closet? Please, please, please. I’m so curious.”

“It’s not that impressive at all.”

“If your apartment looks like this then I have only the highest expectations for you.”

Smiling, you jokingly made a come on motion with your fingers and led him into your spare bedroom that now existed as a half home office and half closet.

His eyes took in even more of your fun design work, the racks of records, pictures of you and your friends, and one of the things that made him feel like he could fall in love with you, your rack full of limited edition shoes and bags.

“Not impressive? You have some of the coolest shit I’ve ever seen in here?”

“I’m just a girl with a cat and a lot of time on my hands. Since being single I’ve just spent it on shopping and ordering take out.”

“If you don’t mind me asking what were you and Jihoon like together? You guys seem really opposite to me.”

There it was again, someone not right for you. Was it just in your head that you think maybe you’re the problem of why this comment is being made?

“Uh, we were okay at first. We met in college about three weeks before graduation and spent so much time together. But if I think about it, we just hung out in his dorm where I watched him play video games and watch anime even though I was not interested. I kind of wish I was more outspoken about it. I missed a bunch of things my friends had done wasting away on his futon drinking shitty cheap alcohol and waiting on him hand and foot and whatever else.”

“Really? So you guys dated for a long time I guess. Did it change a lot once you got out?”

“Not really. A lot of people knew we were ‘dating’ but in the time that we did, we probably went on one or two actual dates.”

“That makes me sad actually.”

“Why? I made the choice to do all those things. At least I don’t have an ugly poster of John Lennon on my wall just to show I loved him.”

Soonyoung was set off by that, laughing and imagining you having a photo of a musician on your wall to impress your boyfriend.

“What’s so funny? Haven’t you done anything embarrassing to impress a girl?”

“Definitely. Too many to choose from actually.”

“At least you're charming, I came off as obsessive and stupidly in love. Not a good look for me.”

“Caring too much is never a bad thing when you think you’re in love and you’re charming too.”

“Why thank you good sir.”

“And you’re weird. Which personally is a green flag for me. I didn’t expect that from you actually.”

“Is that a compliment though, really?”

“For me? Yes. I don’t like normal people well, not normal people I guess, just people who have no personality or something I can learn from. I want someone as a friend or whatever else to challenge me a little, it’s healthy.”

“I think that’s really cool of you, I agree. I like people that are willing to try new stuff or get me out of my comfort zone.”

“Was showing me your office a way of me getting you out of your comfort zone?”

“Sort of. This is kind of like my safe haven.”

Soonyoung just gave you a wide toothed smile, beaming from ear to eat that you admitted he was even just slightly somewhat of your type.

As the night went on and on the boy that has now broken down a couple of your walls, not quickly but brick by brick was sitting comfortably next to your cat curled up in the same manor helping you pick out something that would go with his two outfits, one for the wedding itself and one for the rehearsal dinner which he promised you that you’d only eat and leave to have more fun just out of respect for the couple and his friend Anna.

Now each of you taking the bottle of wine he brought slowly, sitting on your floor surrounded by shoes and loose pairs of pants, giggling over nothing he stared in your eyes almost like you could read that he had another interrogating question.

“Was Jihoon the one at the door before?”

“How did you kno–”

“I can’t remember you mentioning anybody that would come over unannounced and make you look as upset as you did.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know why he was here?”

“He just gave me some stupid antidote that he wanted to see me after the other day, I didn’t ask further. When I told him I had a friend coming over he just knew it was you for some reason and then told me we couldn’t be dating seriously because you’re not my type? As if he’d know? It was weird all around.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“No. I realized once we broke up and now after knowing he was cheating on me more than a few nights that it was an amazing decision. When we first ended it I just kicked him out and ghosted all his texts, he used to update me on his life every now and again, the last time we talked for real, before today he called me crying that his Grandmother was sick, so we just had a brief talk and it ended for real there. I genuinely never thought I’d see him again.”

“Also, am I your type?”

Ss wine dribbled down your chin you were once again surprised by Soonyoung’s random fit of confidence.

“Yeah. You’re nice and I love how annoying you are. I think you get under my skin in the best way.”

“Wow. I’m surprised you admitted it.”

“What can I say, wine drunk y/n is honest.”

“And what about my physical type? Sexy, cool, handsome, the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen?”

Taking a note from his book you swung your closest arm to him, you clipped your fingers over his mouth and shut him up.

Much to your surprise he took a note from your book and instead of biting your hand he stuck his tongue through his lips and licked your fingers which caused you to lunge towards him further, jokingly pissed he did just so.

As you were fighting for comedic relief you sat suddenly face to face with him holding onto your wrists to resist more thrash fighting.

The two of you stared at each other filling the room with intense tension of your lips being so close once again.

“If I knew you wouldn’t be mad at me I’d kiss you right now.”

“Soonyoung, you’re so stupid. Why would I be mad at you?”

“So I can kiss you?”

“Nope.”

Soonyoung pushed his bottom lip out from his top, replacing his cute puppy face with a pouty one.

You decided to quickly dive in and pace a peck on his protruding bottom lip.

He immediately let you go and erupted into a fit of giggles like a little kid, as you tried to sneak away quickly he grabbed onto the arm of your sweatshirt which you quickly unzipped and slipped out of, running through the door of your office and into the rest of the house as he chased behind.

“You have to know I’m going to catch you for that, that was so mean y/n.”

As you were winning the fight, getting away from the boy chasing you around, you suddenly tripped up and felt his hand grasp your shoulder, turning you around with secret strength.

Standing face to face with him now, your stubbed toe throbbing through your fuzzy socks, you both were holding in a whole lot of laughter.

Soonyoung’s hand slipped behind your head and pulled you in for a much more romantic type of kiss than you gave him before. The two of you touched lips softly, as your smiles were still prominent on your faces.

Before anything could escalate further your phone began to ring again and your boss's name was plastered over the front, which you answered with panting breaths still in a haze from kissing the boy you made you feel young again.

“y/n? Hi, would you be able to send over a draft of your article you begged me for? We were looking for something to print for tomorrow if you’re interested? I’ll have someone expedite the editing process tonight.”

“Oh, shit. Yeah of course, I’ll rush and email it to you now.”

“Thank you, congratulations y/n.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

Oh my god, Soony, stay here. I have to email my boss quickly about my article, she wants to print it for tomorrow's paper. I’ll be right back.”

“What? Congratulations. But don't worry, I’m not leaving.”

“Good, sorry, be right back.”

Rushing back into your office you flipped open your computer and sent your final article draft, choosing the one that your gut felt would be better for your personal life at the moment, especially after the kiss you just shared with the boy it was about.

Typing a quick message along with your attachment you just said a big thank you and clicked send before grabbing the half drank bottle off the floor and ran back to Soonyoung munching on a bag of chips waiting for you.

“Shall we celebrate?”

“What are we celebrating?”

“Me, idiot. I’ve been trying to get a real article published ever since I got the job doing weddings. I love weddings, but always being so happy and cheerful and not getting a chance to stretch my creative juices is frustrating.”

“Can we also celebrate kissing? That seems more fun.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

Taking a swig from the bottle, you passed it over to your male counterpart and watching him take an equally large drink matching your energy.

You and Soonyoung spent the rest of the night talking about how tomorrow will go, where will you and he be sitting, will Jihoon be giving you side eyes or talking shit with some of the other guests. How nice of a chance it’ll be to experience a wedding simply just enjoying with someone on your side and not for work.

After sitting in bed and still thinking about your kiss with Soonyoung many hours later, you saw a text from your boss letting you know she loved the article and to watch out for it in the morning.

When that finally rolled around, you woke up to a lot of messages congratulating you and your new found success, many people from college, your parents, but the one person you were looking for was nowhere to be found in those texts.

Putting the praise aside for a moment, you slipped back out of your bed to jump into the shower and start getting ready for your dinner celebrating the devil that was your ex.

When you stepped out and went to grab onto your device once again you saw a text from the one person you were most excited to read, but it was less than exciting. Soonyoung expressed how upset the article made him and accused you of using him to further your career, something Jihoon supposedly warned him of the night of his pre-wedding party and he chose to ignore.

Confused why he would be so upset about your praise for him, you ran to your front door and ripped open the pages of the paper only to find the article that you sent was a mistake, it was the one shitting on weddings, basically claiming Soonyoung himself was an unmarried loser, not in those words but you could see why it came across that way. Some of the simple moments of praise for his hard work were cut out in the editing room, only leaving the small bits of gossip and harsh criticisms sprinkled in between.

Rushing back inside as your stomach sank to the floor you tried his number three times before getting no answer. Which made you frantically dial your boss’s number and interrogate her on why parts of your article were cut out, she simply answered that fluff doesn’t sell and she was proud of you.

Soonyoung not responding had let you in on the fact that he wasn’t going to be seeing you today or maybe even seeing anybody for that matter, he was embarrassed and rightfully so.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Continuing your quest on trying to reach him, you decided to still get ready for your night out, maybe not in the intense matching outfit way you wanted to last night, but just something where you could sneak into Jihoon’s wedding party and slide Soonyoung the real article you wanted him to read.

Running down the street to the venue with no accurate directions in sight, you saw your ex standing on a corner, smoking a brown wrapped joint in his suit.

“Jihoon. Jihoon.”

“What? Back to grovel for a favor?”

“Yes, please, just give this to Soonyoung for me. Please, I’ve never asked you for a favor like this, just once do something for me.”

“You’re really serious about him?”

“I am.”

“So you didn’t mean to slam him in the article like you did?”

“No. My boss cut out the good parts of the article, this was the one I meant to send. Just for me. I want you to be happy, Jihoon, I do. I want it for myself too, just please give it to him. Make sure he reads it.”

“Okay.”

“I know we haven’t had the best past and I know I'm coming here askin- Wait? Okay? Really?”

“Yeah. I can tell this means a lot to you and the reason I came over today was just to formally invite you to the wedding. You’re a big part of my life and now Soonyoung’s, well maybe, besides the point. My fiance is one of his best friends, she liked you too, that was the only reason.”

“Oh. Well I don’t think I’ll make it.”

“How about you come on official business and give this to him yourself?”

“No. I couldn’t do that. It’s your day not mine.”

“We both deserve a big love, y/n.”

Taking back your enveloped letter, you couldn’t help but be impressed by how mature Anna had made Jihoon become and you knew he was right. Sometimes love just falls in your lap and you can’t do anything about it.

Ashing out his joint, he handed you the other half as an olive branch to celebrate old times and bid you goodbye until tomorrow.

Before going back inside, he turned to you with one final wish.

“You better look damn good tomorrow too, no suits. Wear something nice to confess your feelings, otherwise you’ll look like a dumbass.”

“Got it.”

Catching your breath and shoving the letter and paraphernalia back into your purse, you decided to take Jihoon’s advice. To look amazing, you stumbled upon a shop called ‘All's Well that Ends Well.’ situation just a block down from the poetry inspired bar Soonyoung took you to just a few days before.

Stepping inside the store, the first thing you saw was a navy blue dress, the halter neckline and the silk straight flowing down to the floor, you knew it was meant for you. Especially because it would match the light pink suit Soonyoung was meant to be sporting with you by his side. The easiest shopping experience of your life.

As the sales associate packed your order up and sealed it with a light pink bow, you knew it was a sign or something of the sort.

With less than twenty-four hours of doing the most insane thing of your life, confessing to a man who essentially hated you after you had been kissing just hours before, you stayed up all night, using the weed that Jihoon gave you to stay focused on the task at hand, you almost considered cutting of your hair to enter a new era of your life, but only girls who were going through something would consider that and you attempted to tell yourself you were calm.

When the morning sun rang around you finished writing a letter to match the one already placed in the envelope to accompany your sorry. You even decorated the outside with stickers of tigers and spongebob characters just to make Soonyoung smile.

Sliding into your navy blue dress and silver heels, your hair was down and curled into perfect waves. You kissed your cat on the head and made your way over to the venue by foot, just to give yourself a little fresh air and piece of mind, hoping to slip in early enough so that you’d be seated before he even knew you came.

Slipping into a space near the back of the room on Jihoon’s side, you opened your phone to an encouraging text from him telling you that you’ve got this and he’s excited to hear more about it later, plus reminding you to have fun and enjoy yourself.

As the progression started you watched along with the other wedding goers, catching glimpses of Jihoon’s smiling family, which made your heart feel warm.

As the wedding part waltz down the aisle in their pastel pink suits and rosy toned dresses, you saw a now blonde again head appear on the arm of a girl who looked a lot like Anna, so it was fair to assume it was her sister.

Soonyoung didn’t glance your way, but something about the change in his demeanor made you aware he knew you had come.

“Everyone please rise for the bride.”

Anna walked out with her father on her arm, floating across the room like an angel in white. Her dress was adorned with small beaded flowers from the tips of her fingers down to the vail over her blonde hair.

She was truly beautiful, you couldn’t help but feel like a peasant in the room with this woman who both of the men you had either once had feelings for or now did once loved.

The whole ceremony was beautiful, but you missed a lot of it as you stared Soonyoung’s way trying to catch his eyes, but he never met yours. He was too busy enjoying the fact that his friends were getting married and the fact you had upset him.

When the ceremony ended you followed the other guests to the front of the church, holding your envelope in your hand and greeting the bride and groom, Anna and Jihoon beamed at you before she pointed her finger to a room off the side of the front door, some sort of administration office where Soonyoung would be waiting for you. Which also told you Jihoon had filled her in on your little plan.

You cracked open the old wooden door, trying to be subtle but the rotting wood creaked under the old floor boards making your entrance more known than you would’ve liked.

Soonyoung was seated in a red leather chair to the side of the desk, his now blonde hair meeting your eyes before his face. Not giving in to turn around and look at you.

“Soonyoung? I know you probably don’t want to speak to me. But, this was the real article. It was never meant to be that way. I’m sorry.”

You placed the letter in front of him on the desk and moved to turn back to the door before you heard his voice.

“So you didn’t mean all those mean things you wrote about me? That I was a desperate groomsman waiting for his shot to have a day for himself?”

“No.”

“You didn’t mean to say that my ostentatious nature was cringe worthy?”

“Not in that way no, my boss cut out all the good things I said about you. She put it in her own words for dramatic effect. I quit this morning.”

“You quit? Why?”

“I wanted to try to make this right in the best way I could, she wouldn’t reprint the article how I wrote it and told me that if I didn’t like her style I should get a job somewhere else. So I quit.”

Soonyoung just nodded, he couldn’t imagine why you would give up a golden opportunity just to prove your boss wrong or right for that matter all because of him. The only way he could make sense of what you were saying is that you were truly sorry and you cared about him.

He made a bold move and threw the letter in the trash can to the side of the old oak desk and got out of his chair to hug you.

“You’re not going to read it.”

Speaking into his shoulder, you got a calming exhale of his cologne.

“I don’t need to. I know you're telling me the truth, you said it yourself you don’t lie when you drink wine, and I can smell it on your breath.”

Slipping your hands up from their place around his neck into his hair you giggled slightly, looking at the now dyed blonde locks of hair.

“You dyed it back?”

“You said you liked it. I thought you’d be my date and I had the appointment so I didn’t want to cancel.”

“You weren’t hoping I’d show up here?”

“I knew you would. I saw you talking to Jihoon outside last night through the window. I wasn’t sure exactly because you did walk away and he never told me what happened. But, when I saw you today sitting in the crowd. I knew my inkling was right.”

“Did the cohesive outfit impress you? I missed one night, but I hope I made up for it today.”

Soonyoung pushed you away slightly by your shoulders and made you do a spin for him.

“You look beautiful.”

“You’re such a dork.”

Soonyoung playfully swung you around in the office covered in photos of church go-ers and crosses, bringing you into his chest tightly.

“So, what did you write in that article? That I was devilishly handsome and cool?”

“Nope. Just that you were a bad kisser.”

“Seems like you need a reminder.”

“Maybe.”

As your lips met Soonyoungs once again your heart sank into your stomach and was beating rapidly. You just fit and he never once doubted your heart.

“What do you say? Should we go outside and dance?”

“Can you even dance?”

“Y/n? Can I even dance? What do you even think I do for a living?”

“Oh. I’m such an idiot. Anna works at a talent agency. Got it.”

“Come on, silly. Before our audience outside gets bigger.”

When you exited the office back into the group of people outside, for some reason Jihoon started a cheer alongside his new wife.

Soon you and Soonyoung were dancing the night away and drinking a little too much than your stomachs could handle.

When you finally got a moment of dizzy drunkenness alone, he had you sitting on a bench where he knelt to the ground. Your mouth got the better of you once again.

“Oh my god you're not proposing already are you I mean I know I’m amaz-”

“Y/n shut up, I’m tying my shoe.”

“Cool, cool. Got it.”

“But the next wedding I attend hopefully I’ll be the groom.”

With a wink Soonyoung sat back at your side as you watched the stars together, making a mental note that the next wedding would belong to the both of you.

taglist: @sahazzy

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emilyprentissluvr · 2 months ago

Text

A New Light (Don't Blame Me: Chapter 5)

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Summary: Emily knew it was wrong. She knew you were the most dangerous woman the BAU had ever seen. Yet, she couldn't seem to stay away from you.

Warnings: Typical Criminal Minds stuff

Words: 2k

"How's that big head of yours?" Emily asked as she leaned against the door frame of Derek's hospital room. She had come straight from the crime scene, where Hotch had received a call that Derek was being released but needed someone to pick him up. Emily immediately volunteered, the lingering guilt still at the back of her mind.

"Always the flatterer, princess." Derek chuckled as he packed his bag, "Doctors think she drugged me transdermally."

"Jesus. She really was two steps ahead of us," Emily sighed, and Derek nodded in confirmation, "Hotch said she struck again?"

"Yeah, she's taunting us," Emily said.

"This is my fault. I should have done more to stop her-" Derek started before Emily cut him off.

"She drugged you, Derek. No one could have seen that coming."

"I know, but-"

"Ah! No buts! Except for yours, which is about to get pushed around by me in a wheelchair." Emily smiled as she gestured to the wheelchair outside of his room.

"Like hell I am," Derek scoffed as he tried to walk out of the room but was stopped by Emily.

"It's hospital protocol. And I'll call Dad if you don't cooperate!" Emily threatened.

Derek rolled his eyes but eventually sat in the wheelchair. Emily could be very scary when she wanted to be.

Out of everyone, he was glad that it was Emily to get him. They shared an easy camaraderie, which was exactly what he needed.

"I don't think Hotch will approve of you calling him Dad." Derek quipped back as Emily pushed him through the halls of the hospital.

"Yeah, you're right. Mom suits him better." Emily smiled, causing Derek to laugh, "Ten bucks to say that to his face."

"Oh, you're on," Emily said, flicking the back of his head, and their bickering continued all the way to the car.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●

"Alright, my beautiful crime fighters," Penelope started as she walked into the conference room where the rest of the team was. As soon as Emily and Derek had walked into the bullpen, Hotch had called everyone to debrief and review new information.

"I found a whole lot of nothing with the information Derek gave us, but I did possibly find something!" Penelope said as she connected her computer to the TV.

"I ran the name Y/n Y/l/n, and unsurprisingly, I found nada. However, I ran the name Alex Painter, Y/n's first victim, through VICAP and got this.."

The technical analyst pulled the picture up, and the team sat in confusion.

"Alex Painter was a woman?" Emily asked, extremely skeptical if this was the right person.

"And she was killed in 1991? Assuming Y/n is in her mid-20s, that would put her at about 6-10 years old when she killed Alex Painter." Spencer chimed in.

"COD was blunt force trauma to the head; I mean, even though it sounds unlikely, it isn't entirely impossible," Derek said.

"I've seen it before," Rossi added.

"You can't be serious," JJ said defensively, causing the whole team to look at her, surprised by her uncharacteristic tone, "She was just a kid. There's no way she could have done that by herself."

"I'm with JJ," Emily said, although much calmer than her blonde counterpart, "Something's off. This is either the wrong Alex Painter, or we're getting into something a lot bigger than we thought."

The rest of the team nodded; not everyone was on the same page, but everyone knew something wasn't adding up.

"Well, that's my cue to do more sleuthing. I will update you guys when I'm done. PG out." Penelope declared as she grabbed her stuff and made her way to her lair for the foreseeable future.

"While Garcia's doing that, I want a new profile on Y/n, especially after last night," Hotch said as he motioned to the numerous boxes on the table. "Go over all the case files again; maybe there's something Interpol missed." He said before going to his office to no doubt do his own work.

"Well, this should be fun," Derek grumbled, earning a sigh from everyone else.

"Coffee, anyone?" Emily asked, knowing this was about to be a long day. Everyone gave a pleasant nod. Before she left the room, she turned to JJ when no one was looking and mouthed "tea," to which JJ gave a grateful smile.

As Emily was brewing the coffee, she felt her phone buzz. Not thinking anything of it, she pulled it out of her pocket. But when she saw the sender of the text, her heart dropped.

Y/n (10:23 am): Did you like the flowers?

Emily scoffed, about to turn her phone off, when another message popped up.

Y/n (10:24 am): It was hard to find them on such short notice. But only the best for you, darling.

Emily (10:24 am): I don't want anything from you.

Emily quickly typed out. She didn't know if this was against protocol, but she couldn't just not respond.

Y/n (10:25 am): We'll see about that.

Emily pocketed her phone, leaving the conversation at that before turning to the coffee pot and filling up everyone's mug.

"Thanks for the tea," Emily heard from behind her and turned to find JJ.

"Of course. You feeling okay?" She asked as she handed JJ her mug, "No morning sickness, thankfully. But I give the smell of coffee two hours before it makes me puke."

"I'm sorry," Emily said apologetically, but JJ waved her off.

"So, have you put any more thought into you and Will?" Emily asked, trying not to pry, but she also wanted to get her mind off of Y/n.

"I don't know," JJ sighed, "He was blowing up my phone last night."

"After you told him you were at my place?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, he was just worried," JJ said quietly.

Emily tried not to let her emotions play on her face, but god, she couldn't stand Will.

"Well, you're welcome to come over whenever. And if you need me to talk to Will-" Emily started before JJ cut her off.

"It's fine, Em. But thank you." JJ said appreciatively, squeezing Emily's arm.

"Yo! Where's that coffee, princess?" Derek called from the conference room.

"Well, duty calls." JJ chuckled as she helped Emily grab the mugs.

When they returned to the conference room, there were files everywhere. It was going to be a very long day.

By 6 pm, it seemed as if they had made no progress. Emily's eyes were strained, and she honestly didn't think she was retaining anything she was reading.

"This is insane," Derek muttered as he picked another file out of the box.

"What is?" Spencer asked, adding another file to his stack that was probably double the size of everyone else's.

"Her victim count. It's insane." Derek said as it was the most obvious thing.

"Why? Cause she's a woman?" JJ asked.

"Yeah," Derek said sarcastically, causing Emily to throw her pen at him, hitting him right in the forehead, "Hey! I was kidding!"

"I know," Emily smiled, and Derek rolled his eyes.

"What I meant was that she's in her twenties and already has a kill count in the hundreds. What happened to her that made her into the killer she is?" Derek questioned.

"I don't know. And until we figure that out, we stand no chance of catching her," Rossi added.

Emily bit at her bottom lip. She didn't want to think about how many more people were going to die before they caught Y/n.

"Maybe I can try and lure her out again." Emily offered and was immediately met with a resounding no from everyone.

"We already did that, and it didn't work," JJ said. Not even wanting to think about sending her friend to meet Y/n again.

"And besides, you know that's not how we work, Prentiss," Derek said.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right." Emily said with a small nod. But she couldn't help but think they could catch Y/n quicker if they did, except for the fact that Derek was right. The BAU didn't go undercover and lure people; they profiled and caught unsubs from an outside perspective. And that's how Emily wanted to do things from here on out. Right?

It was almost 8 pm by the time she walked into her apartment. The last two days were catching up to her, and Emily wanted nothing more than to sleep for the next 12 hours. She quickly popped a frozen pizza into the oven before going to change.

As she waited for the pizza, she browsed through her bookshelf when she suddenly remembered that Y/n told her she was a writer. Was it possible that Emily had read one of her books? She had quite a hefty collection in her apartment, but it wasn't even a fraction of all the books she'd read in her life.

What kind of books did Y/n write? Emily wondered. Mystery? Romance? Fiction? Fantasy?

And what got her into writing? How did she even have time to write and murder hundreds of men?

The oven rang, pulling Emily out of her thoughts. She shook her head as she walked back to the kitchen. Reading was supposed to help her get out of her head, and all she could think about was Y/n.

She took her pizza on the couch, putting on some reality show that she didn't pay any attention to.

After about twenty minutes, Emily pulled her phone out and went to her text messages with Y/n. She knew she should tell Hotch she was in contact with Y/n. But what if Hotch disapproved and made her end it? She couldn't get rid of the only lead they had, so maybe she should wait until she got enough out of Y/n.

So, without thinking too hard about it, she texted Y/n.

Emily (9:02 PM): Alex Painter.

The name was all Emily typed before turning off her phone. She knew Y/n wouldn't be able to resist talking to her. And even if the younger woman didn't give her anything, what harm could it do? It wasn't like the team was making much leeway anyway.

Y/n (9:03 PM): I thought you wanted nothing to do with me? Change of heart?

Emily (9:03 PM): No. I just want to know about Alex Painter.

Y/n (9:04 PM): What about her?

Y/n (9:04 PM): Also, this is not the kind of late-night text I prefer, Emily.

Emily scoffed, ignoring the last message.

Emily (9:05 PM): Did you really kill her in 1991?

Y/n (9:05 PM): I don't know, did I? I thought your team was supposed to be good at stuff like this.

Y/n (9:06 PM): Also, what are you wearing?

Once again, Emily ignored the last message.

Emily (9:06 PM): You were just a kid in 1991. How were you able to overpower a grown woman?

Y/n (9:07 PM): Answer my question, and I'll answer yours.

Emily groaned as she looked down at her outfit. She knew what Y/n was doing, and she didn't want to play into her game. But if she could get an answer, it would be worth it. And it wasn't like she was doing anything illegal.

Emily (9:09 PM): An old Yale T-shirt and flannel pajama shorts.

Y/n (9:09 PM): Surprising, but nonetheless hot. Want to know what I'm wearing?

Emily (9:09 PM): No. I answered your question, now answer mine.

Y/n (9:10 PM): Bummer. If you wanted to know, I would have told you that I am taking a very relaxing bath right now and am wearing absolutely nothing.

Emily gripped her phone, cursing her brain for visualizing that for even a second. God, this was a bad idea.

Y/n (9:10 PM): And if you had said please, I definitely would have sent you a picture.

Emily (9:10 PM): Back to Alex Painter

Emily typed, not wanting to entertain Y/n any longer.

Y/n (9:11 PM): Yes ma'am.

Y/n (9:11 PM): 1991 is correct. More specifically, I was 7. And to answer your question, I took the last hit.

Emily (9:11 PM): What does that mean?

Y/n (9:12 PM): You tell me. But I have to say I'm quite bored of this conversation now. We'll talk later, darling.

Emily shut off her phone, knowing the conversation was done. But what did Y/n mean by her taking the last hit?

Emily quickly went to clean her kitchen before getting into bed.

She tried to sleep, but all she could think about was Y/n.

#emily prentiss #criminal minds #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x female reader #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #david rossi

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mewhenimanangel · 1 year ago

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moon river, miles morales x reader

pairing: earth 42!miles morales x spider!reader

synopsis: you go out patrolling after making up with miles. you planned to hangout the next day, but plans change…

wc: 3.0k

warnings!: swearing, violence, slight gory details, death, google translate spanish

nia’s ౨ৎ notes: bye cause why was i crying while writing this. there’s going to be another chapter after this, lemme know if you want to be tagged!

prev ♱, fin ♱

it'd been a week since you found out about miles' secret identity. you've been ignoring his texts, calls, you even locked your bedroom window. you weren't sure if you were overreacting, maybe you were a tiny bit but then again: he's killed people and tried to kill you. but on the other hand he didn't know it was you.

but you were forced to see him again when your mom invited him and rio over for dinner, damn them for being friends. you dressed in some black sweatpants and a bunny t shirt.

you were lolling on the couch when someone knocked at the door. "n/n go answer the door!" your mom called out, finishing up in the kitchen. your nerves grew the closer you got to the door, you took a deep breath before swinging it open.

"hola, cariño" rio greeted pulling you in for a hug. you looked over her shoulder to see miles staring back at you, hopeful smile on his face. "you haven't been over in a while, i've missed you" she said taking off her shoes, miles doing the same.

"oh you know, just been a little busy" you coughed looking at miles. "oh well come by soon" she said rubbing your shoulders. she walked away to say hi and chat with your mom, leaving you and miles to stand around awkwardly. your heart ached, it'd never been like this before.

"miles!" nas ran up to hug him. "yoo nas what's up lil man" he gave him their usual handshake. "missed you" nas said. "missed you too lil man." he continued "you're not the only one i've missed" he said quietly, making you look at him. you were gonna open your mouth to say something but your mom called out and told you to come eat.

you sat down between miles and nas, getting a plate of rasta pasta with shrimp and broccoli. "missed your food ms l/n" miles said shoveling his food down his throat. "yeah why you ain't coming around no more, you're here almost every damn day." your mom said giving you two a knowing look. "wha-" you were about to say before she interrupted you "don't think i don't hear him come through that damn window" she smirked, nudging rio's shoulder, her laughing.

you and miles looked at each other before looking back down. "anyways yeah where you been miles? y'all okay?" she asked again. you looked at him for a moment before answering "u-uh yeah we're okay." he looked at you with a gladexpression, smiling to himself.

after dinner your mom poured some wine for her and rio, nas went to bed, and you and miles sat in your room. you didn't say anything to each other, just glancing every few seconds.

he was the first to speak up "listen princesa, i-i don't know what to do. when my dad died i really got lost in everything, i found out my uncle was working as the prowler and his reasoning seemed valid. so i figured why not help out my mom a little bit and do that too. we began working together and completing whatever tasks we had to. i-i didn't want to kill those people y/n" he began tearing up. you walked over to him, holding his face and rubbing your thumb along his cheek.

"i am not a murderer. i did what i had to do to provide, i don't like doing what i do, i hate it. but y/n i never ever meant to hurt you. i would kill myself if you ever got hurt. my heart hurts knowing that i was involved in you getting hurt" his lips quivered and you pulled him into a hug, letting him cry into your shoulder.

"i love you so much mi vida, you're my light" he whispered wrapping his arms around you, holding tight. he kissed you and you just let him "i love you too" you whispered against his lips.

"but..miles i'm not going to stop being spider-girl. i cant, not when there's people out there in need" you sighed. "okay." he paused for a moment before continuing "but i cant just stop being the prowler. pin'll come after me for sure" he sighed. "well then what do we do?" you asked flopping down on your bed.

he moved to sit next to you "i don't know, but i know i love you and i'm never letting you go."he said in a low voice, reaching for your hand. "miles, rio is ready to go" your mom told him, walking into the room. "okay. i’ll come over tomorrow, good night, princesa" he said pecking your lips before he got up. "g'night" you said back, trying to hide your quavering voice.

♱

later that night you snuck out your window to do some patrolling. you swung by buildings looking for any sign of kingpin or his meddling, but there was no sign of him. it was calm, too calm.

your spider senses went off, but not quick enough before you were struck in the side of your stomach with a sharp object. you lost your footing, and stumbled a little bit falling to the ground not before shooting a few webs to break your fall.

you looked down at where you were hit and saw a big knife sticking from the side of you. you groaned, trying to get up to see who had attacked you. suddenly there was a loud thud, kingpin landing down from the rooftop you just fell from.

"isn't this a sight for sore eyes" he chuckled, moving closer to you. you tried to get up but the pain from the stab pinned you down. "god i've been waiting to see you like this since the moment you made your fucking debut" he mocked the last word. he moved over top of you, bending down to hold the knife.

"guess if you want something done you have to do it yourself" he growled, twisting the knife around your insides. you screamed out in pain, bloodcurdling screams echoing back at you. you tasted your metallic like blood pool into your mouth, choking on it.

you fought as hard as you could to push him off. throwing weak punches at his face, your advanced strength still packing some heat though. he pinned your arms above your head with one hand, using the other to press the knife further into you. "you got nothing to say?" he mockingly whined

"it was stupid to try and fight against me. guess those spider powers aren't any match for a genius like me" he gloated. you spat blood right into his eye, making him take his arm off you for a second. you moved a bit before he was then thrown off of you, slamming into the wall of the building on your left. you looked to see who helped you and you were met with the prowler, miles.

he reached down and helped you up off the ground, holding you in his arm. "y/n go! you can't stay here like this" he said in his distorted prowler voice. "no i'm not gonna leave you to fight alone. i can help, im fine" you groaned. "no mi amor, go. now!" he said, moving you as kingpin got back up.

"prowler when i told you to keep her out the way i didn't mean go all fucking soft for her. what the hell are you doing?!" pin growled throwing a punch at miles, him dodging it. he threw his arm to claw at kingpin, cutting through his clothes into his skin. pin yelled out in pain holding his chest, stepping back.

miles jumped up and knocked him on the head making him fall to the ground. he stepped over him delivering blow after blow before kingpin grabbed him by the neck and threw him off him. he got up and swiftly moved over to miles choking him up against the wall. you got up and swung up to the side of the building before jumping down to kick pin off him, sending him to the ground again.

"princesa, i told you to stay out of it! you're bleeding out!" he scolded you. "miles i'm not gonna let you get hurt-" you were interrupted by the sound of a gunshot, looking to your side you saw kingpin holding a gun pointed directly at miles. your mouth fell agape seeing the dark liquid soak through miles' chest.

kingpin got up from the ground, heaving and groaning in pain. just then a car pulled up and the man in the driver’s seat yelled out “pin come on! it’s cops coming!” kingpin knew he couldn’t be seen around this, it’d be too suspicious so he ran back to the car "i'll deal with you later." he growled, them driving off.

miles fell forward into your arms and you rest him onto the ground, kneeling beside him. "miles! miles, no!" you said grabbing his face. "mi amor, im so so sorry, for everything." he coughed, reaching out to hold your face, wiping the tears from your cheek. "i am so sorry i wasn't who you thought i was, but please promise me that you'll keep going. continue helping everybody. continue being the light for everyone that you were for me. i promised to always love you and i always will." he pulled you down to give you a kiss. "and will you tell my mom i'm sorry? i never wanted to let you guys down" he whispered

"you didn't miles, you didn't." you cried rubbing the hand that was holding your cheek. he smiled at you "i love you, mi vida" he whispered. "forever." you said at the same time, you pressed your head down to his giving him one last kiss. you felt him pause and you looked at him "miles? miles?" you whispered watching as the life in his eyes faded away. you cried out shaking as you held his hand.

you heard sirens growing closer to you and panicked. you couldn't let them see him like this "i won't let the world paint you as a monster miles. my sweet sweet boy." you whispered, giving him one last kiss. frantically taking off any of the gear that would make him recognizable as the prowler, you left him in a blood stained t shirt and pants. an officer came running down the alley way and you swung to the top of a building.

so here you were, swinging back to your apartment, prowler mask and gloves in hand, knife twisted in your guts bleeding out with tears blurring your vision.

you forgot you'd locked your window, so you rushed up the stairs of your building, pounding on your apartment door.

your mom opened the door, face dropping seeing the state you were in. "y-y/n?" she pulled you into the house wrapping you in her arms. "mommy, m-miles is dead!" you wailed into her shoulders, blood staining her pink robe. you poured your heart out, telling her everything. the fact that you're spider-man and miles is, was, the prowler. the fight you just had with kingpin, everything. she held you in her arms as you two dropped to the floor crying together.

♱

you were currently in your mirror, tending to the cast that wrapped your torso. your black dress laid out on the bed, black heels laid next to it, it was a dress miles had bought for you so it felt right to wear it . your mom came into the room to do your hair. you were getting ready for the day you never even imagined having to get ready for - miles' funeral. it's been five days since he passed away that fateful night.

"are you ready?" she asked holding you close. "u-uh yeah i just need to get dressed." you replied, holding back tears you felt like you've been holding back for days. "no baby, i mean are you ready?" she asked. "no." you whispered. but then again who would ever be ready to bury their best friend, the love of their life.

she held you for a moment before breaking away "we have to go baby, you can't be late" she whispered giving you a kiss on the forehead. you nod your head biting your lip with anxiousness.

you got dressed and went out to the living room, nas running up to hug you "m'sorry n/n" he whispered into your side. when nas had found out the next morning that miles was gone he cried into your mom's chest, miles was like a brother to him and he looked up to him so much.

your heart broke all over again when you had to visit rio. the police called her and told her that her son was found shot dead in an alleyway. when you knocked on her door she was a mess.

you told her that you were spider-man and everything that happened with king pin, deciding to leave out the part where her son was the prowler. "rio i am so so sorry. i-i feel like this is all my fault. i swore i would always be there for him and and i-" she interrupted you "and you were cariño, it warms my heart knowing you were there with him in his last moments." she smiled "that boy loves you so much. he always talked about you no matter what. when jeff died, it was so refreshing to see him smiling and laughing again. he always said he would love you with everything he had, until his very last breath. and i guess he did." she chuckled wiping the tears from her eyes.

you reached an arm out to hug her, your heart aching for her. she lost her husband and now she'd lost her baby.

you stepped into the limo, mila and serenity already there with their parents. you sat in between them and they hugged you the entire car ride to the funeral home.

when you entered, you saw rio with her sister at a table going over things. she looked over and saw you enter, smiling and giving you a small wave. you looked around and saw his beautiful brown skin, brown eyes and pearly white smile plastered on a big canvas next to the white wooden casket, flowers gathered on top of it. a bouquet shaped like a heart with pink flowers sat by it, that was your addition.

the service went along smoothly. the home was filled with people miles would talk to at school, a few of your friends who came to console you, and his family. you sat in the front row with rio, aaron, nas and your mom. the preist led prayers and condolences, then aaron went to give a eulogy, your leg was bouncing frantically knowing you were up next.

when it was your turn your mom squeezed your hand and gave you a sorrowful expression, trying to tell you it would be okay. you walked up behind the podium, placing the letter you wrote atop it. you cleared your throat, placed the microphone in front your face and began.

"hello i'm y/n l/n, miles' girlfriend. i met miles in the fourth grade when we were nine and eight years later, i love him every bit the same. maybe not the same actually, my love for you has only grown everyday. for all the smiles you gave me i never imagined you would cause me this many tears" your voice broke. "i never even imagined the day i would have to write this. i have loved you ever since i met you. i loved being around you, whether it was being wrapped up in my blankets watching gossip girl, or the random dates you would take me on, or climbing into my window at night so my mom wouldn't see you" you giggled looking over at her.

"seeing your face was the highlight of my days. and my heart is in a visceral ache knowing i will never get to see you again" you continued, choking on your words. "since you died it's like everything i've done is just a reminder that i'm living without you. it's such a surreal feeling losing such a beautiful soul like you, someone who always knew how to make me happy. i've been crying into my pillows every night holding on to the teddy bear you bought me wishing you would randomly appear on my bed and hold me and tell me it was all just some sick joke. but i know that won't happen, because you're gone, but you forever live on in my heart" you said softly, fiddling with the promise ring on your finger.

"i hope that in some other universe, you're alive and you're safe and we're on a date, we're on your favorite rides at coney island. we're on a boat rowing through the central park lake. we're in your room, me forcing you to do my beauty routine with me" you smiled. "so this isn't necessarily a goodbye, more of a thank you for all the sweet things you left in my home, my head and my heart." you finished, walking back to your seat.

“oh baby, i’m sure he’s watching over us right now” rio said holding your arms. you nodded your head and smiled before sitting down, resting your head on your mom’s shoulder. rio made her way up to say what she needed to and you swore you had tissues to your face through out the entire speech, by the time she walked back down you were lightheaded.

everybody made their way outside to the graveyard, standing around the grave that was dug. the priest said a few words before they lowered his casket into the ground. you absolutely broke down seeing him being lowered into the ground, throwing a red rose and your eulogy letter atop the casket as they began covering it with dirt.

when the reception ended and everyone ate and shared stories of their lives with miles, everyone was given a balloon to release for him. you held a heart and one shaped with the initial ‘M’.

serenity and mila wrapped their arms around each of yours as everyone released them. you heard an array of “we love you miles!” “goodbye miles!” from everyone. “goodbye miles, i love you. forever.” you smiled, letting your balloons go.

taglist ʚɞ

@itsberrydreemurstuff @alecmores @darksidescorner @insomniafrog @gwennesy @randomhoex @fiannee @am-3-thyst @melanie456 @missussmorales @spritecactus @laiflower @catushi @chispita279 @spideys2cute @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic

#NIA WRITES ࿐#across the spiderverse #earth 42 miles morales x reader #miles morales #earth 42 miles x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #miles morales x you

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multific · 2 years ago

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Destiny and Future

Hellboy x Reader

Summary: You arrived at the church as all hell break lose outside, literally

"RED!" the voice caught everyone's attention in the church. You barged in and the scene in front of you shocked you, to say the least.

"Just what in the seven shades of FUCK is going on here?!" you yelled as you saw the Professor, dead, as Alice was projecting him. He offered you a smile that told you, you just arrived on time.

"He is fulfilling his destiny and no one will be able to stop him." Nimue, the woman in front of him said.

"Oh, okay, and here I thought it was the end of the world." you let out a huff, obviously being sarcastic.

"You left." Hellboy spoke as he was now fully turned towards you. His words felt like fire and ice at the same time. A shiver ran down your spine as you looked at him.

"I tried to find my parents... took me so long to realize that while I was looking for my past, my present and future ran right past me, and I lost you. I'm so sorry, Red. I caused you way too much pain with my selfishness. I wasn't there for you when Ruiz passed, I wasn't there for you before or after and I regret it deeply. But this is not you, Red. I know you, this is not who you are, I mean come on a fire crown? Really?" you took a spet towards him, everyone watching you closely.

"Do not listen to her. She is lying! She played with your feelings, she just doesn't want you to fulfil your destiny."

"Slithering like a snake I see." you commented as she gave you a look.

"I'll kill you." she moved towards you, with intentions to murder you but Hellboy grabbed her arm.

"No one touches My Kitten." he said before he chopped her head off. One clean cut.

Then you were attacked by something from your right, and before you could dodge it, it made you fly and land against a pillar, making your back hurt and as you hit your head, you passed out.

When you woke up you were in a very familiar room, Red's room.

You smiled as you saw him sitting by your side.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as you woke up.

"Like I was just thrown against a pillar and blacked out. Can you kill the light please? My head is throbbing." you asked as you covered your eyes. Hellboy did as you told him and turned the lights off, only a small light illuminating the room so it's not pitch black.

He didn't say a word. Although you knew he wanted to say many many things, he didn't speak.

"Red... I'm sorry about your father."

"Yeah."

"But I'll never leave you again, I promise. Not even when you will yell at me for being annoying." he smiled.

"I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for."

"Don't be silly, I found it years ago when I met you, I just didn't realize." you sat up against the pillows as he moved to sit next to your leg on the bed. "I feel bad, I spent most of our relationship trying to find my past."

"Well, you are doing it again, you are focusing on what happened instead of the future." you looked into his golden eyes.

"You are right it's just that I feel really bad about it. I understand why you'd feel like I played with your feelings. But I never lied, I do really love you, Red."

"I know. I love you too." he leaned over and placed a kiss on your lips.

Throughout your relationship with him, this was the first time you felt truly free and happy.

"So... Excalibur and... fire crown?" you laughed as he groaned but didn't say anything.

From that day on, no more looking into the past, from that day on, all that mattered was the future, your future with him.

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DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS

#hellboy #hellboy x reader #hellboy x you #hellboy imagines #hellboy imagine #hellboy fanfic #hellboy 2019 #hellboy 2004 x reader #hellboy 2019 x reader #hellboy 2019 x you #hellboy x fem reader #hellboy x female reader #female reader #monster imagines #monster imagine #monster x reader

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velvetstreets · 6 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/velvetstreets/750935310625538048/out-of-curiosity-why-how-did-you-move-on-from

Thank for answering this, I really appreciate it!! I’m still in my obsessed with Jack era so I need to hear what helped other ppl move out of it lol I need to not be so obsessed with him 😫

Can you pls elaborate on the things he said, shared or did that gave you childish vibes? And anything else that helped you stop being obsessed with him plsss? 🙏🏼 I need help lol

Thank you soooo much! I appreciate it and respect your opinion. Hope you’re having a great day!

LMAOO no worries 🫶🫶 hahah it’s okay to be in the obsessed era! I was there for a long time

🚨warning for mutuals, Jack Harlow criticism under the cut, read at your own will! 🚨

I don’t know if I can really pinpoint the childish vibes, just the way he tends to avoid talking about serious topics (in person/interviews) and turns to humor (which isn’t totally a bad thing, he likes to keep the vibes light which I get and it’s an attractive trait) but idk his team/a lot of the people he keeps around him are……… not good people lol

He’s very big on keeping the same circle/bringing people with him up on his success journey, big on loyalty- but like… sometimes it’s good to move on from people in your life. Especially when some of those people are just bad. KY Engineering (one of his close producers) and Nemo his creative advisor have previously stated horrible misogynistic takes on Black women several times, and their attitude towards women in general are…………….. yeah

And for someone like Jack who loves to boast about how much he loves and respects women it… yeah! Idk he often gives me a vibe of his morals are in the right place but he’s not one to correct his homeboys publicly at the end of the day- especially if there are no women present.

(This part isn’t childish, more just sad and upsetting) He also continuously told the story of how he lost his virginity during his last tour which was so horrible bc it was clear the girl he lost it to groomed him :(((( and he/the people around him don’t see that/understand that because its common as a man to be proud that you “bagged” an older girl and it’s like…. Baby lemme hold ur hand and tell you no it’s not…

And he spoke on the Megan the Stallion/Tory L*nez incident and didn’t remove Tory off his song unlike other (female) artists, saying he didn’t feel like it was his place to speak on Tory’s actions, but hoped that Megan was doing okay which was so???????????????????? Like I don’t understand how you can acknowledge she was shot and say that you know you’re a good person and have integrity but then keep her abuser and the man that tried to kill her on your song…. The math is not mathing!!!!!

I just… he has some evolving and learning and growing up to do, and I felt like me personally I fell out of love w him bc we’re the same age and I couldn’t understand how he was not consciously on the same wavelength in terms of mentality ya know :/

I still think he’s a good rapper and makes good music, and I think he’s continuing to evolve mentally (his 3rd album showed more of that), and I don’t believe he’s a bad person at his core, but the lack of action/opinion in certain areas just made me wake up and was like oh i don’t love him like that anymore

But also he’s a white man from Kentucky so I shouldn’t have expected much from him in the first place lmao that’s my fault!

(as a black woman w academic parents and from a socialist environment I forget that people… don’t have/grow up with the same mindset? And then that makes itself known and I get shook lmao)

(P.S. I don’t blame or judge others for liking him still!! His aura is very charming and likable I completely understand, I just personally lost interest in him that way)

#anon #and then I took a sharp right turn back to my old boo than Harry Styles <333 #I was like oh yeah a prime example of a man my age/older loudly & actively agreeing on social issues &truly supporting women/lgbtq+/poc #and creating a SAFE space for all those groups and more #but Harry has flaws too don’t get me wrong #a lot of my faves too unfortunately when it comes to Palestine #but that’s a whole separate convo

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avocado-frog · 2 years ago

Text

Dahlia. 1

Chapter rating: T Word count: 12,000 (yes I know. this chapter is worth about five normal chapters. good luck) Chapter title: 4/2/2019-4/15/2019 Warnings: Descriptions of a suicide attempt, depression, dissociation, self-deprecation, past human experimentation, past child abuse, dermatillomania, trichotillomania Summary: Part 1- Sam. The marigold is linked to the power of the sun, representing power, strength, and the light that lives within a person. During the Victorian era, marigolds represented grief and cruelty. Other meanings include passion, creativity, and happiness. The official flower for the day of the dead. It is said that their bright colors help lead loved ones Immediate aftermath.

4/2/2019

Elliot hadn't died, first off.

Elliot was still alive, because of Cass's healing magic, and Dylan's ability to literally control the concept of death. (Honestly, Lily should just stop asking) Elliot had, however, gone into a coma. That, of course, wasn't ideal by any means, but he wasn't dead.

But, with the way his siblings, mostly Leo, were acting, he had died. And if Lily had to listen to any of their bullshit anymore, something was going to break.

Maybe she was being harsh on Leo. If Dylan had a knife at three in the morning and nearly died, Lily wouldn't be all that cheery either.

But Leo? Leo was pissed.

Lily sat on one side of the table, in the harsh, white light coming through the window. On the other side, Leo sat across from her and three chairs away from Jaxon. Jaxon gave Leo the occasional, worried glance, which Leo responded with a deep glare, and Jaxon would look at Lily, and shrug, and look away. It'd been like that since before Elliot almost died, when Lily first had to chase the kid down during the storm.

Maybe she was being harsh on Leo, but in all fairness, Leo was being an asshole.

Jaxon hadn't done anything, to Lily's knowledge, and she knew Jaxon was a bit sensitive about getting into arguments (with people he cared about. He once got into a fist-fight at school and nearly got expelled. The other kid almost had to go to the hospital, but he deserved it.)

Dylan got angry at Jaxon exactly one time and it spiraled into Jaxon having three panic attacks in the span of an hour, and Dylan felt bad and forgave him. Despite Jaxon's sensitivity to fighting, he was also petty. Which wasn't helping the situation.

"Lily, I'm staying the night at a friend's house, okay? Logan knows."

Lily glanced up, nodding. "That's cool. Which friend?"

And Lily knew Jaxon knew exactly what he was doing, when he stood up, picked his bowl of oatmeal off the table, and looked directly at Leo.

"Emily."

Leo stilled, at the mention of her aunt's name, slowly tilting her head up at him. Lily cringed and tried to hide under the table.

"What."

"Emily," Jaxon repeated, slow like he was talking to a toddler. He smirked a little. Little shit. "Oh, shit. Jesus, L. More than one person can have the same name."

"Fuck you."

"God-fucking-forbid anyone else be named Emily-"

"I am going to break your fingers, you shit-"

"You won't do anything with your baby hands, fucker."

Leo's hands slammed against the table, as she stood up, sharply. "I'll show you baby hands when I strangle you."

His mouth twitched into a small grin, as he stood up. He was still several inches shorter than Leo and wasn't very intimidating in comparison. He whispered in a low voice.

"Good luck doing that, with your baby hands."

Fury ignited in Leo's sharp gaze, she took off running towards him, and Jaxon broke into a dead sprint.

"I'm gonna kill you, you little shit!"

"At least their arguing sounds more like banter now, I guess." Lily jumped at the sudden, new voice, and Logan, standing behind her, chuckled a little. "Sorry, Lily. Didn't mean to scare you. Done eating breakfast?"

"Oh. Yeah." She handed her bowl to her older brother, and Logan shifted a pink, plastic bowl from his elbow to her hand. "Could you take that up to Ryan's room?"

Lily tried to avoid Ryan when she could, though she felt bad for it. She had no clue how to even begin with helping Ryan, and he wasn't her brother. Cass and Leo- especially Sam- had tried to help him, but his door was locked with him inside, and he wouldn't come out until the house was up in flames.

"Of course."

She took the bowl, and dodged Leo chasing after her poor younger brother, as she moved to climb up the stairs. Taking a right was where Ryan's bedroom was, and Sam was in the same place he normally was.

"Morning, Sam."

Sam glanced over for a second, standing in front of Ryan's door, looking unsure. He smiled a little bit.

"Good morning, Lily."

Lily gazed at Ryan's door. "Has he come out yet?"

Sam deflated a little, shaking his head dejectedly. "No. He must have, for a second, 'cause I left a water bottle for him last night and it wasn't here this morning."

"That's good, yeah?" She nudged Sam's shoulder with her elbow, and handed him Ryan's bowl of oatmeal. "Try and see if he'll eat, okay?"

A small, determined nod. He pressed his forehead against the wood, speaking through the door. He asked if he was awake yet, and told him that there was food outside if he wanted it. Ryan didn't answer, but it didn't seem to phase Sam.

Lily saw Ryan one time after the kitchen incident. She knew he had a fight with Elliot, and that he'd watched everything happen. When she saw him, it was because they'd both gone downstairs for water at night, but Ryan was too scared to go into the kitchen, and Lily found him hovering in the living room by the entryway.

She had asked him what he was doing, he did the sign for water, so Lily gave him a cup, and watched him drink it all, just to be sure that he would.

He had been in the same outfit he had on the night before Elliot almost died- white, bloodstained t-shirt giving it away, otherwise, she wouldn't have noticed- his hair was disheveled, silver eyes frantic, face pale. He looked like he would pass out on the spot.

Lily hadn't seen him since then, and that was days ago. Ryan had locked even Sam out of their room, and Sam had been sleeping in the only available guest bedroom (it was the triplet's old house, but even back then, there hadn't been enough people to warrant so many guest rooms. At least it worked out in their favor.)

With that finished, she thought she may as well visit the kid himself while she was at it. The attic was the unofficial place where the sick kids were kept for a few weeks (if one of them got sick, the whole house got sick. There were nine people living there. All except Dylan and Cass who somehow never even got a cold), so Elliot was indeed moved up there. Lily climbed up the staircase, carefully opening the door. It moved inward instead of out, so one had to be careful not to catapult themselves off the staircase trying to get the door to open.

Elliot laid in his bed, that had been moved up there, surrounded by a beeping heart monitor and an IV drip. Both of which had been stolen by Logan, which Lily genuinely hadn't known about, and didn't understand how Logan got away with it.

On the TV hooked to the wall, behind the two bean bags on the rug, a space documentary played. Elliot liked space stuff, so they thought it would be nice to have up there.

Elliot laid perfectly still, like he was asleep, peaceful. It made her stomach twist. He wasn't her brother, but the day she found him in that snowstorm... she wasn't forgetting it anytime soon.

In his hands, that stuffed, purple rabbit he seemed to treasure more than anything else. She gave a small smile. She had gone into his room to wake him up for breakfast one morning and saw him curled up around that thing, face completely buried within the fabric. She called the scene adorable and he chased her around with a toy sword. The rabbit's fur had dark, reddish stains on it that she assumed was blood. It probably wasn't safe for it to be anywhere near his face, but he had a whole breakdown when Logan offered to wash it. He didn't think he would get it back if they took it. Lily thought that if Logan tried to take it away from him now, that alone would get him to wake up. Just out of sheer rage.

Lily watched the heart monitor for a moment. It was steady, but a bit slower than she thought it should be.

"You know, I'm starting to think I was a bit of a dumb kid for not noticing when Logan stole that," Lily spoke, to no one but the kid who couldn't hear her. Probably. She'd heard stories of people in comas being able to hear, but she herself had never been in a coma, and couldn't confirm nor deny that fact. Either way, Elliot didn't like being alone, so she tried to visit him. She was running out of things to say, though it'd barely been two weeks.

They should bring a chair up there. Lily opted to lean on the bed. Elliot's hand twitched.

"Well, E. I hate to say it, but I think your sister may kill Jaxon."

She was responded to with the British voice of the narrator of Elliot's space documentary.

"Other than that, not much has happened around here. Leo's on a murder spree, Ryan won't leave his room, Jaxon's being Jaxon, and Logan- I've never seen him more paranoid in my life. The others- except maybe Dylan- are doing alright, though."

Silence again, that was to be expected.

"...Well, how's your space thing? I know Cass's been keeping it on for you, but I could always throw on something different. I don't think you liked cartoons as much as your brothers did, but I have good taste."

She smiled a little at her own comment, but chose to keep the space thing on. It was likely what Elliot would pick, anyway, if he were ever fast enough to get the remote before his brothers, including Jaxon- and Logan and Leo on the rare occasion- in that case. You had to be fast in a house with nine kids total. Elliot was not fast. Almost always, the remote-holder ended up being Lily herself, Jaxon, or Sam, though Sam cheated on many occasions by kicking their shins.

"I'm sure the others will visit you at some point today, so you won't be alone for too much longer." Elliot did not like to be alone. She stood from where she had been previously leaning on the bed. "I may go check to make sure that everyone's kneecaps are still intact."

Lily left, shutting the door quietly, as if the kid would wake up if she closed it too loud. At the bottom of the staircase leading from the attic, Logan was leaning against the wall, a crease between his eyebrows as he glared at his phone.

"You look more stressed than normal." Lily leaned against the wall next to him, glancing over to his phone screen. He was texting someone whose name she didn't recognize.

Logan hummed flatly, turned his phone off. "My brother is texting me?"

Lily almost fell over, choking momentarily. "Your brother? Like-"

"Yes," Logan mumbled. "The biological one, not Jaxon."

Although Jaxon did tend to stress Logan out when they texted. Jaxon usually only ever texted someone to ask for help with something (he got lost on a city bus because he zoned out and missed his stop by two towns) or he was about to do something stupid (insert any standard Jaxon activity, he's probably done it.)

"Woah," Lily said, unsure how else to respond. "Which one?"

Logan, as far as she knew, had seven siblings, including the dead one. He never met three of them.

"Uh," Logan turned his phone back on. "...Emile? I didn't know he existed. He needed something for a family tree for school and thinks I'm... fifty-seven."

Lily cackled, and Logan sighed in disappointment.

"Wait, wait." Lily calmed down a little. "I thought your family lived in like, China or something?"

"Japan?" Logan asked the air. He scratched at his cheek. "I'm actually not sure. My mom's Chinese, my dad's Japanese. We moved here before the thing happened-" when he and his sister were kidnapped, is what she assumed he were referring to- "and I think they moved back, but I don't really know. I can ask?"

Logan was the only one out of all of them that still talked to their family members. Dylan's parents were somewhere around in New Hampshire, as they learned when Dylan's father looked exactly like them, and had the same last name, and from neighborhood gossip, they did have a child at some point, who went missing the exact day Dylan had. Jaxon's parents were shitheads, and Lily didn't particularly care to try to find her father. Although she was pretty sure she had a younger brother named Daniel, and Jaxon had a younger sister of around the same age. Jaxon's mother followed her on Instagram, and she followed her dad on Facebook.

And of course, Leo, Cass, and the triplet's mother was dead, the twins had a shit aunt and shit uncle, but their grandmother was fucking awesome, and Lily adored her, so there was that.

Logan still talked to his older brother, but not his parents, or any of his other siblings. His older brother- Logan said he didn't even know how they got each other's phone numbers- insisted on texting him and wouldn't leave him alone. That'd been when Logan was eighteen, and his older brother, Liu, was twenty-one.

"...Looks like they did move again," Logan kept mumbling. "To Arkansas."

"Oh! Invite them over! For Thanksgiving!" Lily grinned, grateful for the opportunity to antagonize Logan.

"It's April."

Lily faltered. "Uh, your birthday!"

"In January?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"...Sam and Ryan's birthday?"

"No." Logan glanced at the door to Elliot's room. "Not going to invite seven kids and my parents over for the triplet's birthday. Plus, while Elliot's-"

"Right."

4/4/2019

He didn't know how long he'd been in there.

His room was painted in a dark gray light, the black curtains drawn tight, so there wouldn't be any sunlight coming through the window. Empty water bottles and paper plates laid strewn around the bedroom, a few of them still had food, half-eaten sandwiches, crumbs of chips, nothing much, really. On his bed, the blankets had been removed, and were in a messy pile on the floor like a nest. It was cold.

His back pressed into the door, knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around himself. His head laid buried in his arms. Leo could pick the lock to his door. He needed a better thing to block it with. For now, he sat against it, hoping Leo wasn't strong enough to simply push him away. She was, and he knew that, but he couldn't move anything heavy enough to block the door, nothing his sister couldn't simply move.

Ryan thought this was fitting. Elliot was alone for five years, he could handle a couple of weeks. He didn't want to see anyone, anyways. They were all so loud, and he had a headache that hadn't gone away for what felt like a month.

They would visit him anyways, of course they would.

Logan brought plates of food and left them by his door, for Ryan to collect late at night when the others were asleep. Logan told him of his plan to leave for college, to finish out his last year in-person instead of online. Ryan thought that was a bad idea, he thought the others were going to be angry at him for that, and he didn't want Logan to leave. He didn't say anything.

Please don't go.

Leo picked the lock to his door but she didn't make him come out. She came in once every- probably two days- to check on him. He turned off his clock and he hardly ever used his phone, so he never knew when she was coming. He just guessed based on footsteps. Leo vented a lot. She said that she didn't know why she was so angry at Jaxon, she just was, that the others just seemed to be so irritating, and Ryan wanted to agree. It seemed easy to blame someone else.

Please don't be mad.

Cass was gentle. She would knock on his door, remind him to drink water, ask him if he was taking the food Logan and Sam were leaving out. She would remind him that she was there if he ever wanted to talk. He missed her. Where Leo was Elliot's favorite, and Jaxon was Sam's, Ryan's favorite was Cass.

Don't leave.

Lily was less gentle about the way she spoke, but that was just Lily in general. He didn't mind. Lily was a lot more professional. She told him that she visited Elliot in his room every morning, and every morning, she always came down to Ryan's room to tell him how his brother was doing. Ryan was never sure whether he wanted Lily to tell him or not. One day, she was going to have the news that Elliot died.

You can't say that.

Jaxon visited shockingly less than Ryan thought he would. He supposed it was because he was never at home anymore, according to Leo. Jaxon was home for about an hour every day, spending a lot of time at his friend's houses. When he did visit, it was a half-hearted attempt to ask him to come out. Ryan was always reminded of the time he had a 'headache' at the park that day Jaxon took him to the carnival. He suspected that he never had a headache, he was just sad and didn't want anyone to know. Ryan hated it.

Come back.

Dylan, he knew Dylan came every now and then. Of course, Dylan didn't talk, and neither did Ryan, so he only knew of Dylan's presence when a shadow showed up under the doorframe, and a hand slipped underneath. Ryan would lay his hand on top of theirs, and they would sit in silence, until Dylan's hand went away, and Ryan would be left in the cold again.

Don't go.

And then, Sam.

Ryan only knew Sam, really. They'd been together for five years. There would be the terrifying days when one of them was separated for months, and they were never sure if they would see each other again, and then they would and everything would be okay. Ryan always relied on Sam for everything, when they were younger, and Sam relied on Ryan.

And he felt bad for locking him out, too.

Sam was persistent, staying on the other side of his door for the entire day. It always started the same. Sam would knock, early in the mornings, and ask if he was awake. If Ryan made any indication that he was, Sam would cheerfully announce when Logan made breakfast and offer to accompany him downstairs. He never did. Sam would leave for a few minutes to eat, and he'd bring some food back up. Sam would start talking to him. Ryan, truthfully, did enjoy listening to Sam talk. It made him feel a bit less lonely. But he still wouldn't leave. Sam would offer him lunch. He would leave again, and usually, that was where one of the other ones would visit him. Sam would come back at dinner, the enthusiasm he had during the day beginning to waver. After dinner was over, that was when he would start to grow desperate. Frantically knocking, tearfully pleading for him to come out, turning into choked screams and sobs muffled from behind the door, until one of two things happened; he would pass out in front of the door, or Logan would carry him to his own room. Ryan and Sam used to share one, but Ryan locked him out, so he took one of Logan's seemingly endless supplies of spare bedrooms.

I'm sorry-

"I've been trying to get Dylan to tell me where Jaxon's been staying," Lily announced in an uncharacteristic display of talking about something that wasn't Elliot.

He felt Lily's head thump against the door.

"They won't talk to me. They won't even look at me. All they've been doing is going to see Elliot and going to see you."

"And Cass wanted me to let you know that she invited your cousins over, by the way." Ryan nodded, but Lily didn't see. "So they'll be here in a couple weeks."

Lily stood up with a sigh. "I'll be back tomorrow. Make sure you're drinking your water, okay?"

Ryan nodded to himself again. He heard Lily leave. Echoing footsteps became quieter.

"Hey," the next voice greeted. The voice was warmer than Lily's, softer. Logan. "So, I told the others about my plan."

His plan to finish off college in-person, he assumed. He frowned.

"They obviously weren't happy about it," Logan chuckled nervously. "But I think it'd be for the best. I think I need a certain amount of attendance points to graduate, and I got most of them my first year, but next year is going to be my last, so I think if I go for the full thing next year, I can be done with it. Which would be nice."

Ryan thought about that. He was nowhere near college. He didn't have an answer.

"I'd still visit," Logan practically whispered. "I know you're worried about that, aren't you? I'll still visit whenever I can."

Ryan wanted to scream, cry, anything but sit against his door and be useless. He didn't want Logan to go. But that was selfish, wasn't it? He was selfish.

"But that won't be for a while." He heard Logan's smile. "Well, that's all I had to say. Bye, Ryan."

Logan left, too.

And Ryan was left in silence for a long time, for the first time in what felt like days. He hated the feeling of being alone, a deep, empty hole in his chest that gnawed and ate away at him and his skin itched and begged to feel anything, and a lump that formed in his throat and made his lungs restrict, unable to breathe.

Despite the feeling suffocating him, he dreaded when one of the others would come knock on his door even more.

Sam was next, he was just waiting for him to show up. Ryan slid further down the door, laying on his back with his head still propped against the wood. The pain in his neck, especially considering the possibility that he would fall asleep like that, wasn't enough to convince him to change positions.

Ryan sighed to himself, staring at the ceiling fan. It seemed a little blurry.

A soft knock on the door, and he shot up, glancing at his clock. Somehow, between staring at the ceiling fan and Sam knocking, two hours had passed.

"Ryan?" Sam called through the door, and he could tell his brother was pushing his face against the wood. "Are you awake?"

Ryan hit the back of his head against the door, the only indication he ever made to anyone who spoke to him that he was listening.

"Oh! Good morning, then. ...Evening? It's night time now, I guess." Sam chuckled nervously. Ryan guessed he wasn't expecting his response. "Don't know when you got up. Uh, so. There's food and stuff at the door again."

His stomach growled on cue. He wondered when Leo would break his door down again. He almost hoped it'd be soon.

"So." Sam thumped against the door. "I doubt you're going to want to, but Logan wanted me to ask if you're going to school tomorrow."

His heart seemed to drop at the mere idea of going back. He could barely leave his room without having a panic attack, and there would be so many people there-

His eyes stung, lungs burned, he held his breath, shaking his head rapidly. Sam couldn't see it from the other side of the door, but he sounded like he knew the answer.

"...Yeah, I figured you didn't want to. It's okay! No pressure! Take as long as you need. I'm going to try to go tomorrow, but I'll be by myself, 'cause Dylan doesn't want to, either. It's a good thing tomorrow's Friday. I've got a whole weekend for a break."

"Kai and Marcy are coming up in a few weeks, did Lily tell you? ...I think it's 'cause of Leo and El- and our brother. Uh, sorry. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow, okay? I'll see y- I'll talk to you later. I've got an essay I was supposed to do over break, but I lost the book it was supposed to be on, and- yeah. Get some sleep, okay? Make sure you eat your food, too. I'll talk to you tomorrow before I go."

---

To his surprise, and mild worry, Sam didn't talk to him before he left. The twins didn't either, or Logan, or Jaxon and Lily. He guessed they probably did, he'd just slept too long. ...or they didn't want to bother anymore.

Ryan woke up at seven in the morning like he typically did, and he was starting to assume the latter was the case. There was a lot of rushing outside, he could hear Leo and Jaxon fighting about Jaxon's alarm being too loud, Lily was trying to break them up, Sam was running around trying to find whatever book he needed (Ryan was sure it was in their room) and Logan was yelling for them to all hurry up.

It was all loud enough to wake Dylan up somehow, something Ryan only knew when he heard a sharp cry of pain.

"Logan! Dylan kicked me!"

In the back of his mind, he knew that no one said anything to him that morning, simply because they were busy. A larger part of his mind said it was because they didn't care. Because not even Dylan, who stayed home that day too, stayed by his door for a few minutes like they usually did.

Now, the house was silent. Everyone else had left, and Dylan may have gone back to sleep. Ryan sat up in his bed, tangled within a pile of blankets, and glanced at the clock. Only nine in the morning now. Far too early than what he wanted. A weight pushed him back into his bed. Thirty more minutes, then he would... try to go out to get the food Sam left the night before that he didn't bother to pick up.

Thirty minutes turned to three hours, whatever food had been left, probably thrown out by someone else by now, or cold and gross. Ryan sighed, rolled over to his side, and stared at the clock's blinking light.

Another hour passed while he stared at the clock, watching the time tick down until the others would come home, when the blissful silence would finally be interrupted, when he'd figure out if they really were going to let him die there.

Ryan sat up agonizingly slowly, pushing himself to his feet. He had to sit back down, suddenly hit with a nauseating wave of dizziness, and hissed, gingerly holding a hand to his forehead.

With a small breath, he stood up again, shuffling awkwardly to his door, hand hovering over the knob. Another breath, and he turned it.

Just as he'd expected, there wasn't anything at the door, and he'd have to go get something from the kitchen. His other option was to go back to bed, growing more and more tempting the longer he stared at the hallway, and wait for Sam to bring dinner up. But he was hungry, and it was hard to fall asleep, and it'd been days since Leo last broke in.

No one other than Dylan and technically Elliot were home, and he had barely a chance of running into Dylan if he was careful enough. He should be okay.

The staircase seemed longer than he thought it had been before, and he felt like he was going to fall- like his mother's dead body had been tossed down, like how Elliot got pushed- with every step he took.

He opened his eyes and he had made it. Dylan was on the floor in front of the couch, and a selfish part of him desperately wanted to go talk to them, hug them, anything. But he didn't. All he wanted was a sleeve of crackers.

Dylan was watching some ocean documentary with the sound muted and the subtitles off, for some reason, but it still managed to catch his attention.

For a while, he watched the documentary from behind the couch, before hunger won over again. Dylan had some weird sixth-sense when it came to other people in the same room, and Ryan really didn't want to talk to anyone.

He turned back to the kitchen, and paused, staring at the ground. His eyes burned, lungs tightened, breath quickened. He couldn't get in. He took a step back.

And ran back upstairs, turned the corner, and locked himself back in his room.

4/5/2019

"You really don't have to go."

Sam stared out the window of the car. He hadn't needed Logan to drive, he knew where to go by now, but he'd insisted. It was sunny out.

Sam shrugged in response to what Logan said, after realizing that he hadn't said anything to him the whole car ride.

"I'm serious," Logan repeated for about the fifth time. "We're about there, so if you want to stay home, now's your chance."

"I'll be fine," Sam muttered, and reached for the handle of his backpack from his feet. "...Are you staying home today?"

Logan tensed up a little, pulling into the school's parking lot. "No, I have to go to work. I feel bad leaving your brothers and Dylan alone, especially if there's an emergency. I can still pick you up whenever you need, just have the school call me."

"Okay. I will." Logan parked, and Sam held his hand on the handle. He glanced back at Logan. "See you later."

"Have a good day."

He nodded, and shut the car door behind him. It was weird without all the snow, not exactly warm, just... drier. Walking on solid ground, as opposed to the lumpy, hard snow, was better, though.

He winced, hearing Logan's car drive off. He'd never gone anywhere, really, without one of the others before. But knowing how overwhelmed Ryan would get, he didn't want him to go with him.

Sam winced again. It'd been a rush that morning, with Jaxon accidentally setting his alarm for way too early in the morning, and Leo getting all angry, and them both getting into another fight. Lily had tried to break it up so that Sam could at least get down the stairs. At some point, Dylan got up to kick Jaxon in the kneecap, but they left pretty quickly. Logan had rushed them all out the door, because the older kids had to take the bus. He'd forgotten to talk to either of his brothers before he left.

Ryan probably didn't care. It was probably fine.

As he usually did in the mornings, when he'd get to school earlier, he waited out by the playground until the teacher came to collect his class. This was nicer with the weather being better, too.

(Sam stumbled a little trying to get there. He was a little tired, that was all.)

He took a few steps back, giving himself a running start, hands gripping the bars. He hovered in the air for a minute, legs dangling a foot off the ground. A small grunt as he pulled himself up, sitting on the top of the blue bars. It was a bit uncomfortable, but the sun felt nice.

He caught a glimpse of one of his friends in the distance, and knew that if he was seen, his friend was going to leave to talk to him. With that information in mind, he forced a small smile, and thought about what to say when he was inevitably asked where his brothers were.

His friends didn't actually care about where they were, he knew that, and it was one of the only things he genuinely didn't like about them.

Of course, there was the one kid who Ryan and Elliot were friends with, Madison, who Sam thought was nice. At least she talked to his brothers.

Elliot's main complaint about school- and people their age in general- was that the kids there were afraid of him. He wasn't wrong, necessarily, but the thing was that Elliot didn't seem to care. He never tried to talk to anyone again after the first day of school. That was why they were afraid of him. Sam distinctly remembered someone trying to talk to him, while Elliot simply glared him down until he was left alone. He didn't seem to even realize he was doing that.

"Hey, Sam!"

Sam turned back to where he'd seen his friend, who was now running towards him, waving him down with a grin.

"Hi, Liam."

Liam hopped up to sit on the bars next to him, still grinning. Sam tried to match him.

"How was your break?" Liam asked, but Sam could tell that it was only so he could ramble about his own right when he finished.

Sam shuddered at the memory of what had happened, but kept smiling. "It was good. I went and visited my cousins. They've got this mansion, it was pretty cool. Not... much else. You?"

Liam launched into some long story, going fishing with his parents, getting lost in the woods during a hike, something about bowling, Sam didn't actually care. He had a headache, and he was ready to go home.

He wasn't going to give up that quickly, though. Logan had his own responsibilities, and Sam didn't need him to take care of him anymore. He could handle this.

Soon, Liam's teacher showed up, and he dropped down from the monkey bars to catch up with his classmates. Sam figured he'd do the same, letting himself fall back.

There were two bars near the ground that acted as a ladder to get to the monkey bar part. Sam remembered the time he tried to hang upside down like Elliot was, only to lose balance, and hit his head on the bars. He had sort of just sat there in a daze while Elliot ran to go get help, and he had to stay home for a week because the concussion was so bad.

It made Elliot a little wary of the bars, but Sam didn't mind. He still liked them. Ryan hadn't even been there, and he was nervous around them, too.

Sam sighed, feeling lonely now. He stood with the rest of his classmates, kicking at a small pebble in the asphalt.

A few more of his friends saw him and ran over, and he told them what he told Liam before. All he did over break was visit his cousins. Nothing else. He went quiet when Charlie mentioned the storm, and quieter when Madison asked where the others were.

"Hey, yeah." Charlie's arms were crossed, he looked confused, looking around for his brothers. "They're usually around you, aren't they?"

Sam glanced down again. Acid churned in his stomach, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, the edges of his vision darkening, spinning.

"Uh-" his voice wavered. "They're- uh... Elliot's... sick, and Ryan's... sick, also."

"Oh." Was somebody's simple response. Sam took a couple of breaths, hoping for everything to go back to normal, while the rest of his friends kept talking.

Soon enough, he was okay again, grinning as he followed the others inside the building. Back in the classroom, he was again grateful that Ryan hadn't gone with him. The room had been redecorated for the spring, and the colors were all really grating. Ryan wouldn't like it.

He turned in his reading assignment that he totally didn't pay Leo twenty cents to do for him, and kept talking to his friend at the same table. The seats had been moved since they were last there, but Sam at least knew everyone in his class.

Looking around, he frowned a little when there was only one empty seat in the classroom, which he soon found out was Ryan's. Elliot seemed to have been removed. He knew Logan told the school what happened, he could only hope that they wouldn't try to talk to him about it.

Sam seemed to have the worst luck in the history of having luck, as someone knocked on the door. Sam recognized her when she entered, the school counselor, who Elliot visited often. The school knew about the lab, and their mother, and Sam had said he didn't need to go to her office. Today, he wasn't being given a choice.

So, when she tapped his shoulder and asked him to meet her outside, he simply gave an easy smile to his friends, and followed her out.

He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, staring at the ground blankly. Blood rushed in his ears, heart still racing. He wasn't sure why.

The counselor was talking to him now, kneeling on the ground. Even then, she was still taller than he was. He didn't make eye contact. His eyes stung.

He blinked a couple times, only then noticing how... off everything looked. He rubbed at his eyes. His headache still wouldn't go away. He swayed on his feet. What was she saying?

Sam could feel his attention slipping. He gritted his teeth, gripping the collar of his shirt with clammy hands. His heart dropped, about seven times, breath quickening.

"...Y-... ok-? L-"

His ears were ringing, the woman's voice became distorted, screeching and loud. His face scrunched up.

"...What?"

His own voice seemed to echo, just as distorted as hers was.

A heavy, suffocating feeling, as the corners of his vision gradually darkened, and he felt himself fall.

---

"Yeah, I just picked him up. He's alright. Dunno what happened..."

Sam stirred in his seat, comforted by the soft rumbling of the car. Logan was talking to someone on the phone beside him. He glanced out the window, at the passing trees, and sat up, gingerly holding a hand to his forehead.

"Oh, hey. He's awake, Cass." Logan glanced over at Sam from the rearview mirror. "Yeah, I'll call you back."

"Hey." Logan smiled, gently tapping Sam on the shoulder. "You okay? The school called me, said you passed out on the counselor. Any idea why? Does that happen a lot?"

Sam shrugged limply. "No. I think I passed out once with Ryan. He says I lost too much blood."

Logan inhaled sharply through his teeth. "Okay, well. I talked to your sister, she says that she thinks you haven't been sleeping well. That would explain why you passed out, and stayed asleep for an hour. What do you think? Do you think you've been getting enough sleep?"

Sam shrugged again, and turned away.

"...No. Not really."

Logan stayed quiet, prompting him to fill the silence.

"I'm worried," Sam admitted quietly, feeling like he was being choked. "What happens if Elliot doesn't get up?"

"I-..." Logan paused for a moment. "Truthfully, Sam, I don't know. I don't think it's going to happen, because I trust Dylan's way of keeping him alive. I think it'll be okay."

"What about Ryan?"

"Ryan-" Logan sighed. "Your brother, he just needs a little space right now. I think you visiting every day has been helping."

Sam felt his stomach drop a little, feeling guilty. "I didn't, this morning."

"I didn't either," Logan said with a slight wince. "It was a little hectic this morning. I feel bad."

Logan sighed softly. "It's good that you're helping your brothers like you are, but you have to take care of yourself, too. Other than you three, there're six of us. You can let one of us handle things with your brothers, when you need a break."

Sam shook his head. "Ryan, he was the only one there... for five years... I can't- I can't just lose him-"

"I get it." Logan almost whispered. They stopped at a red light. "Don't worry. I know Ryan doesn't want to lose you, either. I understand both of your situations, this one's pretty rough, but it'll be okay."

They drove in silence for a while. Sam picked at a piece of leather detached from the seat. After a while of internal debate, he turned back to Logan.

"...Can I ask a question? You aren't going to like it."

Logan gave him a mildly-concerned look, but shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."

"How come you didn't take Cass or Leo with you when you escaped?"

Logan inhaled sharply again, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

"I was only fifteen, Sam. I didn't know what else to do. My sister- biological, not Lily- and the twins and Lily, they were like my Ryan, I could only talk to them. But they were kids, and I wasn't. I was, but I was the oldest. I wanted to protect them."

"I spent four years trying to figure out how to get out, and what would happen if I did. Leo and Lily, they were always competitive, so I got them into races a lot. To see who could go faster, if we needed to run from any guards. Cass and my sister, Jasmine, they were quieter, so I taught them hide-and-seek, for when we'd have to hide. Ultimately, I decided that I couldn't bring all four of the kids, I was too worried I'd lose track of one of them, so I took Jasmine and Lily. The plan was that I'd go back for your sisters after two months. The twins were the second-oldest, and I wasn't going to leave my sister there."

"Right." Sam nodded. "Were they gone? When you came back?"

"Yeah. Yeah, they were gone when I got back. I dunno how I missed Jaxon and Dylan- I know they were there when I came back- but... yeah. Jas got shot while we were trying to leave, and I can't remember what happened after that, but I know that when I got to your old house, it was all empty. I still had to box all your old stuff, but there wasn't-"

"My mom wasn't there."

"No, she was gone by then. I remember cleaning up the blood, I don't even remember how I was able to buy the house, and I think I might've just... taken it. After I came back without the twins, I guess I sort of just shut down. I locked myself in my room like your brother's doing."

"How did Lily get you out?" Sam asked, now intrigued. Logan gave a small chuckle.

"Ah, well. Lily was only around nine years old. She couldn't really get her own food, or anything... we both could've starved. At some point, she broke the door down, screamed at me for hours, and that snapped me out of it." Logan shot him a look. "Don't do that to your brother, though. He might have a panic attack."

"Anyways," Logan continued. "Why'd you ask?"

"I was just wondering." Sam shrugged. The question had been on his mind for practically ages, actually.

Another silence.

"You're taking a nap when we get home, no questions asked."

"Yeah, I know."

4/10/2019

Elliot's stuffed animal, a large, stuffed rabbit, sat on an ironing board.

It was big enough to be used as a pillow, and it was faded, purple, and had chunks of fur torn off. It's stuffing had been torn out of large rips in the seams.

Logan could envision the rabbit as Elliot's only comfort, his only friend, for five years. He could hear the child whispering into the cotton ear of the toy, hugging it tightly, letting out muffled, shuddery screams into the back of it's head.

The poor rabbit had seen too much, and so had Elliot. The rabbit, who had never been given a proper name, (though Elliot had gone from several different ones during his time in Logan's house. Edward had been the longest lasting) had been the first witness to Elliot's deteriorating health and mental state.

He could see each part of the rabbit's purpose. The neck had a large imprint in it, and had probably been where Elliot slept. The ears had been twisted and wrinkled, like a stress reliever. Pieces of fur had been ripped off, a nervous habit he'd noticed in Elliot. There was a large stain of red in the back of the rabbit's head, and Logan could see Elliot holding the toy against his bloody eye. That was something he didn't like envisioning.

The rabbit had seen everything. It'd been there the day the triplets were kidnapped, and the years Elliot spent in the lab, and it'd been with him through his recovery, and it'd likely been the last thing Elliot had spoken to.

Elliot laid in the same spot he'd been for a week now, in his bed in his room upstairs. Logan had desperately wished he could take him to the hospital, but they'd see the mark on his hand and send him back to the lab. Whether the hospital was the best place he could be or not, Logan couldn't even risk that.

Cass and Dylan did what they could. Dylan had been able to keep him from dying, and Cass had kept his injuries stable. Logan didn't think the others would make it if Elliot died. They were struggling as it was.

Ryan had seen it happen, had fought with him, and he had yet to leave his room, despite Sam's screaming and crying. Leo had managed to get him to at least eat something, but she reported back that he claimed he wasn't hungry. Leo hadn't left until he'd finished his food.

The stuffed rabbit sat limply on the ironing table, as Logan worked out what to do with it.

Elliot had cried and begged for Logan not to take it away when they had first met, after Logan offered to clean it for him. It was clear that the rabbit had been considered a privilege, and one that had been taken from him before.

He'd gotten the stains out already, and he'd almost replaced the rabbit's missing eye, but considered how Elliot was the type of kid who would have torn the rabbit's eye off after losing his own. It was missing on the same side, too. It seemed sentimental, in a way. Symbolic. He'd wait to do that until after Elliot woke up.

He had sewn a dark purple patch on the rabbit's ear, where the tear was too big to sew, and he'd bought replacement stuffing and refilled the toy where the stuffing was worn out. The rabbit was fixed, and washed, and smelled like lavender soap.

Logan sighed to himself, and gently lifted the toy. He had been especially careful with handling it, as if it would shrivel to dust if he wasn't. It was so old, it may as well. It'd been one of the twin's before it was given to Elliot when he was five, so it was around sixteen or seventeen years old, if not older. He brought it up the stairs, and turned the corner to Elliot's room.

The boy laid in his bed, silent. The dark circles under his eyes hadn't faded, and neither had pale scars. He looked tired. Even if he was asleep. He always had looked tired.

Carefully, gently, Logan laid the stuffed rabbit at Elliot's side, and tucked it under the boy's arm.

"Hey, Elliot. It's Logan. I hope you don't mind, but I fixed up your rabbit for you." Logan smiled and his brother didn't see. "I thought you might appreciate it."

"I hope you're feeling better, Elliot. It's been weird without you. We miss you, okay?"

Silence. Logan sighed.

"You'd probably hate how bad everyone's taking it. Leo's been acting... off. I'm sure you could knock her back to her senses, Jaxon too. They've been fighting a lot. I bet you could tear Ryan's door off, too. He hasn't come out of his room yet."

Before he could stop himself, he was rambling. To a ten- almost eleven- year old child in a coma, surrounded by nothing but the attic, the TV, and a torn-up stuffed rabbit.

He was worried about Leo, who tripped Jaxon in the halls and burnt his food and looked ready to hit him at a moment's notice, at one wrong look, one comment. Who had given up on trying to get Ryan to eat, or to talk to Sam, or do anything but be angry. Angry at Jaxon for no reason, other than that he was there.

And he was worried for Ryan, who wouldn't eat or drink or talk, he didn't know if he'd been sleeping, or if he'd been in bed the whole time, refusing to move. He'd heard crying on the other side of the door five times now, and he'd tried to talk to him through the door, but Ryan had not only locked it, it was blocked by a large box.

Sam, who hadn't processed anything, who tried so desperately to go back to normal. Strained grins and forced laughter, flipping like a switch in the night when another day passed and Ryan wouldn't leave and Sam would cling to the door, sobbing for his brother to come out, and Logan could do nothing but wait for him to eventually fall asleep, so he could gently pry him off the door and across the hall to the spare bedroom.

Dylan, apathetic and disconnected, who took out their hearing aids and kept them in a small box so they had a reason not to talk to anyone, who went through the motions of everything like a machine, who stared at their plate during dinner with lidded eyes and shallow breaths, who would stare through the TV screen until Jaxon would come and sit down and Dylan would finally break down, but the cycle would repeat.

Jaxon, who had left the house and stayed at a friend's house for days on end, and would return in the hours everyone else was asleep, who had caught on to Leo's passive aggressive behavior, and mimicked it, with snide remarks and glares, and even when he was home, would make himself as small and unnoticeable as he could. He had sat with Logan one day in the living room, and had told him that if he'd been downstairs, he could have saved Elliot, and Ryan by extension.

The others, Cass and Lily, were handling it well. Logan was sure he was, too. Cass was very helpful in routinely checking on Elliot and sitting with Sam until he fell asleep, and doing the dishes and helping with dinner, doing everything she could to help. Lily had helped Jaxon through several panic attacks, managed to coax Ryan into opening the door every now and then, but had little success in getting him out, and had even managed to calm Leo down a bit.

"I should probably go now. It's getting late. I'll talk to you again soon, I promise."

---

A knock on the door, then an additional two knocks, just to be certain.

"Hey Ryan," Logan started to say. He heard shuffling from the other side of the door, that was a good sign. "Are you hungry? It's a sandwich and chips."

The shuffling continued, and he could see Ryan's shadow from underneath the door. Judging from the thud against the door, and the shadow that had grown a bit, Ryan had sat down.

"...You can come downstairs with the rest of us," Logan continued, already halfway to setting the plate on the floor. "I'm sure they'd be happy to see you."

Logan sat down on the floor, too. Ryan slid his fingers under the door, and Logan put his hand on top of his. On the other side of the door was a quiet sniff, then muffled sobs. Logan glanced at the door in alarm.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Logan asked, and Ryan slipped his hand back through the door, crying becoming a bit louder. He received no answer.

After a few minutes, and Logan didn't have the heart to leave him alone, the crying stopped and dissolved into sniffles again, but the shadow moved and the lock on the door clicked.

Logan stood up a bit too quickly, staring at the door with wide eyes, moving to pick the plate back up off the floor.

Quietly, slowly, the door creaked open, and Ryan peaked out from behind the doorframe. Logan smiled, Ryan gave a weak smile in response.

"Hey," Logan said, quiet as to not scare him off, like he was a baby deer. He couldn't have him slamming the door shut again, not without taking the sandwich, at least.

Ryan opened the door further, shuffling his feet on the floor. His hand hung on the doorknob and his head remained low, eyes clouded and downcast and bright red. Ryan blinked a few times, quickly glancing up at Logan, before they would flick away again. He had dark circles formed under his red eyes, hidden by messy black hair. He wore a gray hood over his head, his other hand was shoved into his pocket.

"Want something to eat?" Logan asked, as if he was going to give him a choice. At worst, he was going to leave the sandwich on the box Ryan had blocked the door with. He would have to eat eventually.

Ryan looked at the plate, eyes sparkling, but his expression remained otherwise flat. Logan saw his hand twitch. He chuckled, and handed the plate to Ryan, who took it with a single, fast motion.

"Alright, well I guess I should go..."

As he trailed off and started to walk away, he felt a small hand grab his sleeve, and he stopped mid-step to turn around. Confirming his suspicions, Ryan had stepped out of his room, and was now holding on to the sleeve of Logan's sweater.

"...Stay. Please."

Logan smiled again, a bit more genuine this time, as he walked backwards, staring down at an anxious-looking Ryan. They walked back into Ryan's room, and he closed the door with a soft click behind them.

Plate in hand, Ryan positioned himself to be kneeling on the floor. Logan sat down across from him, watching him slowly chew on the sandwich.

"Have you been eating the food Lily's been leaving for you?" Logan asked, hoping to make some sort of conversation, and to check on Ryan's wellbeing. It was his job to worry, after all.

"Some," Ryan signed, setting down the sandwich. "Headache and stomach hurts."

"Well, I'd say that's from not eating for so long," Logan said, and Ryan shrugged. "What about water?"

"A little bit," Ryan signed with another shrug. "I'm trying."

"That's good. Keep drinking water. And eating food, it'll help your headache and stomachache.

Ryan nodded, and his eyes visibly widened when he saw the chips. Logan figured he'd appreciate the salt and vinegar flavored ones. Apparently, he'd been correct, as Ryan shoveled a handful into his mouth.

Logan quickly put his hand over Ryan's before he could go in for another handful. He chuckled lightly. "They aren't going anywhere, kid. Slow down a bit, I don't want you to choke."

"Sorry."

"It's alright, just be careful, please."

Another nod, and then silence. Logan took the moment to look around the state of Ryan and Sam's bedroom, and grimaced a bit. Paper plates with food half-eaten had been left discarded on every surface, there was a nest of blankets on the floor, and emptied water bottles strewn around the room.

Now that he noticed it, Ryan was still wearing the exact thing he'd seen him in the last time he'd seen Ryan, the day before Elliot's attempt. The hoodie was a recent addition, at least, though it had a few loose strands and a hole on one sleeve, likely from Ryan picking at it, a trend he'd seen within all three of the triplets. Elliot picked at strings, Sam pulled out his own hair, regardless of who told him to stop, and Ryan picked at his skin a lot. Again, regardless of how many times they told him not to.

He was somewhat glad that he had given Ryan and Sam the bedroom with a second bathroom attached, as while it let Ryan stay there without an issue, which wasn't good, it meant he had access to water. He was sure Ryan wouldn't drink water at all otherwise.

Logan was a bit surprised when Ryan finished the plate, judging from the half-eaten soup bowl and the macaroni and cheese that had been left out on the desk, he hadn't eaten much food over the week. Still though, he was relieved.

4/15/2019

Sam rocked on his heels, staring at the door in front of him. He held a neatly-folded piece of paper in both hands, smoothing the crease with his thumb.

With a small breath, he knocked on the door, and slipped the note through the bottom. He leaned against the door with a dull thud, sliding to the ground.

Ryan had opened the door for Logan the other day, so Sam hoped that he'd at least read the note. It'd been his idea, after having spent an entire night trying to figure out how to get his brother out of his room, (completely ignoring Logan's earlier advice to leave him alone, which he did, for a day or two) he decided on a note. Ryan didn't like to talk, so a note felt obvious in hindsight.

He picked at a piece of wood on the ground, wincing as it lodged itself in his fingertip, and kept waiting.

Sam, in the unfortunate location of leaning heavily against his door (it was still his room, Ryan had just stolen it and Sam had to use one of Logan's endless guest rooms) trying to pick out a splinter from his hand, fell backwards and onto the floor as the door swung open with a sudden urgency.

He winced as the back of his head hit the ground, leaving him dazed for a moment.

"...God?"

He stared at the figure above him, who responded with a flat look. Sam recovered quickly, sitting up. He thought he would keep the joke going.

"You just... look more like my brother than I thought-"

Ryan kicked him in the knee and did not help him up. Sam snickered to himself and bounced to his feet. Ryan, to his giddy surprise, stayed on the other side of the door.

Sam bounced on his feet, hands shaking from where they were firmly planted at his sides, sugary-feeling excitement shot straight to his brain.

"Woah! I didn't think that would work!" Sam beamed, and Ryan winced a little.

"...I got cold..."

Sam's expression morphed into one of concern, and he nodded fast.

"You're always cold!" Sam practically charged into his room, ignoring the mess. He threw open a drawer, and tossed the first hoodie he found at his brother. Ryan clumsily shuffled it over himself.

"Here, my hands are always really warm. Even Leo thinks so. She can't even feel heat, so I dunno-" Sam grabbed him by the hand, leading him out of the bedroom. Ryan followed like a lost puppy.

Sam stopped abruptly, and Ryan ran into his back when he did. Sam gave his brother an apologetic look, earning a light glare. Sam whipped around on his heel, still grinning.

"So! Now what?"

Ryan shrugged. Sam looked over him. He was pale, and disheveled, and looked like he hadn't touched grass a day in his life. Though, since he had been locked in his room since late-March, and had only been out of the lab since November, he might... not have ever touched grass. Not since he was a toddler, at least.

Sam shook his head to himself. He was thinking too hard about that. He grabbed his brother's hand again (literally, the coldest thing ever) and dragged him down the stairs. For a moment, a chainsaw screamed behind him, and Sam had to shake his head again. That wasn't real.

Ryan stopped at the bottom of the stairs, right as Sam turned the corner to the kitchen. He tugged on Sam's hand, and he turned around. Ryan was looking away, chewing anxiously on his fingernail.

"I... don't want to go to the kitchen..."

"Right." Sam winced, and turned the other way, to the living room instead. There was only Dylan there, as he didn't have a clue where the others were today. He sat Ryan on the couch, tapped Dylan on the shoulder, and signed a good morning, once he got their attention. Dylan waved absently, and otherwise ignored him.

He patted Ryan on the head and ran back to the kitchen. Truthfully, he didn't like it there either. If he was coming down the stairs in the night and turned his head a specific way, he was always taken straight back to the night Elliot almost died. The scene of his younger brother laying in a pool of blood, while his other brother stared at the blood in a trance, his own hand gushing blood, because hand wounds apparently never stopped bleeding, it always replayed if he wasn't careful.

So, Sam was careful. Stepping away from the specific part of the floor, refusing to look at the crack in the tiles that had a suspiciously rust-colored stain, avoiding the counter closest to the sink where he had to watch Logan give Ryan stitches in his hand, while Ryan kicked and screamed and punched Logan in the face because he was scared of needles. No matter how many times they tried to tell him that they weren't going to inject anything into him, he wouldn't listen. And they had to do that five times. Sam would still rather watch that than have to see what was going on with Elliot.

It was technically a school day that day, and Sam- miraculously, after passing out in front of the counselor- didn't have to transfer schools forever, and did in fact go back. He just didn't look the counselor in the eye and absolutely didn't tell his friends why he left school after an entire thirty minutes.

Sam hadn't gone to school, and he didn't think any of the others had. Logan, Lily, and the twins all had a job, though. He thought Logan might work at some fast food place, or maybe a real restaurant, Lily worked at a clothing store Sam didn't remember the name of, Leo was a cashier somewhere, as of last weekend, and Cass worked at a greenhouse that had just opened, to the surprise of literally no one ever.

The older kids all had jobs, like lame boring adults, leaving Sam with... he thought just Dylan, Ryan, and Elliot. He actually didn't know where Jaxon was. He'd been gone all week.

Bolting back to the living room with two bowls of cereal, he now had a new mission; figure out what Jaxon was up to.

He gave one bowl to Ryan, and offered the other to Dylan, who didn't take it, so Sam took the other bowl for himself.

Sam mostly ate the marshmallows out of that particular cereal, where Ryan only ate the dried bits, leaving them to trade. By the end, Sam had a bowl of colorful marshmallows, and Dylan was staring at him like he was the most insane person on the planet. He was happy with his life decisions.

Finishing breakfast, Sam proposed the idea of going to track Jaxon down to Ryan, who agreed easily, and Sam guessed that he didn't really care what they did.

He asked Dylan, who mostly ignored him in favor of whatever show was on the TV. Ryan followed him to the kitchen, waiting by the door's opening, as Sam haphazardly dropped the bowls in the sink, and left for the front door.

---

Sam had a certain disliking for going places on his own. Even while he was on the phone with Jaxon, even with Ryan hanging onto his hand, trailing behind him, and with Dylan just in the house across the street, he still found himself checking over his shoulder, pulling his brother a little closer, flinching at the sound of a baby crying in the park, jumping back at cars.

He felt like it was reasonable to be a little nervous being outside alone. His mother was killed when he was five, he thought he killed his brother, he lived in a room without anyone but Ryan for five years, and that had only been five months ago. Five months wasn't anywhere close enough to erase five years.

It was really only now hitting him, just how much happened to him during those years. He blocked most of it out, and refused to think about it, choosing to just live in the moment. He wasn't there anymore, it didn't matter anymore, there were so many other things to focus on.

He was fine now, and he couldn't even remember what had happened, so he didn't understand why sleeping in a room by himself for a couple weeks freaked him out so bad the first few nights, or why he had such bad nightmares when the lights weren't on and the window wasn't open, or why he was so paranoid while walking down the street.

"It's hot out," Ryan mumbled from behind him, and Sam shrugged a little. He had hung up on Jaxon a while ago, reluctantly, though now he knew the address of the house he was staying at.

"I guess."

It wasn't that warm outside, but it was nicer than it had been in December. He and Leo had basically been dying every time they stepped foot outside. Leo, because of her fire magic, and him- he guessed it was just a regular reaction to being outside for the first time in five years, and it being less than ten degrees.

Logan told him that his magic would form eventually, after something stressful enough triggered it. Sam found it astonishing that nothing- between seeing his mother get decapitated, and being locked in a room as some guinea pig- was stressful enough to do anything. Same for Ryan, too. The stressful event for his brother had been almost drowning, but that barely counted, because Ryan could control water, so he was fine either way.

With his siblings all having something different, it wasn't like there was any way to tell what he was going to end up being able to do. While he was sort of excited to find out, his friends had told him that when it happened, it was going to hurt. Ryan's reaction had been delayed, and he was lucky for that, too. He could've had a panic attack in the water. If it had been something different, like fire or ice, he could have drowned. Sam remembered the delayed reaction, though. He had been hyperventilating, screaming, it had been terrifying to witness.

Sam turned the street corner to Jaxon's friend's house, still a little nervous. He had gotten the address three times, and he was still worried he would get it wrong.

Honestly, he was relieved to get to see Jaxon. While he had been gone for a week at his friend's house, he had been one of the only ones in their group to have stayed relatively the same after what happened with Elliot.

Of course, disappearing for days on end to be with his other friends was new. Sam hadn't known that Jaxon had other friends before two weeks ago. Maybe he just preferred being around them and hadn't bothered to tell them about his other friends.

He hopped up the steps to the porch of a light blue house, letting go of Ryan's hand in favor of twisting the fabric on the bottom of his shirt, raising a hand to the wood.

He didn't get a chance to knock, as the door swung open, revealing Jaxon, grinning at the two of them.

"Hey, Sam!" Jaxon reached out, gently ruffling his hair like he was a toddler. "I was just about to come and pick you up! You were taking forever!"

Sam laughed lightly, nerves settled. "You barely gave me any directions..."

"I gave you plenty of direct- oh! You didn't tell me Ryan was here!" Jaxon's smile grew a bit strained. "Hey, Ryan."

Ryan waved silently. Sam grabbed his hand again. Jaxon gestured for them to go inside, opening the door a little wider.

Jaxon's friend's- Cole's- house wasn't at all like Logan's. Cole's house smelled like herbs, and it was hot, and the rug was crooked, and the pillows on the couch were thrown on the floor. Yet, the house was neat and organized in it's own way. Like the books on the bookshelf were supposed to be thrown haphazardly on the shelves. At least, that was how he had tried to explain to his sisters that his room was clean.

He followed Jaxon to the kitchen, where ingredients to make spaghetti were laid out on counters, and stepped back for his friend to open a door by the bathroom, revealing an uncovered staircase that led to a dark room. Sam was a little reluctant to go down there.

But he did, keeping one hand on the grainy, concrete wall, still hanging onto Ryan's hand, and it was perfectly fine.

The basement was well-lit, and painted a beige color that didn't match the previous, dark concrete. Empty soda cans laid on their sides on the circular, red rug, half-hidden behind two, beige recliners.

A boy Jaxon's age sat on one of the recliners, back hunched as his eyes locked in on the video game he was playing, face red with how hard he was concentrating. He didn't acknowledge any of the three that had entered his room. Sam assumed the boy's name was Cole, Jaxon's friend.

"I thought you were staying with someone named Emily," Sam mumbled, and Jaxon paused, expression briefly going blank.

Jaxon gave a light-hearted smile. "Nah, I was just messing with your sister. This is my friend, Cole."

When Cole didn't respond to the obvious cue from Jaxon to introduce himself, Jaxon picked up an empty soda can and tossed it, hitting his friend in the head.

That made Cole lose whatever game he was playing, causing his head to snap over to where the three were standing.

"I'm going to strangle you-"

"Relax, relax." Jaxon put his hands up in defense. "You'll be fine."

"You piece of sh-" Cole glanced at him and Ryan. He hesitated. "Uh, why are there eight-year-olds in my house?"

"They're ten," Jaxon defended. "And I told you that one of my friends wanted to come over. You said it was fine. To be fair, I didn't know about Ryan."

Sam held back a we're eleven, because Jaxon hadn't been home for the past week, and he didn't know that. If he mentioned it, Jaxon would feel bad.

"Well, whatever. I still almost swore around them. Sorry, kids." Cole nodded in their direction. He knelt down in front of a minifridge, pulling out more cans of soda. "Do you two like Sprite? That's all we have left."

Sam glanced at Ryan, who nodded. "Um, sure. I guess."

Cole came back with two, green cans, setting them in each of their hands, before flopping back on the couch.

For some inexplicable reason, Cole had five controllers, since he allegedly had ten people at his house on any given day, except for that day, apparently. They had decided on Minecraft, since Cole didn't know what was and wasn't appropriate for eleven-year-olds, and didn't want them playing the game he'd been playing before.

Him and Ryan teamed up against the older kids, ditching their earlier plan of working together to build a house, and attacked them with swords the first chance they got. The older kids could barely defend themselves. Even Ryan was getting invested in their game, getting a little too competitive at some point.

Sam cackled as Jaxon turned on his friend, pushing him off the side of a mountain to fall to his death.

"Traitor!" Cole declared, hitting Jaxon in the face with an empty bag of Cheetos. Jaxon flinched, barely noticeable, but returned to his usual self, still grinning.

Sam smiled to himself. Maybe things would go back to normal.

#we're back #several weeks after i said i'd post but shut up #my computer is being astonishingly slow #writing #original work #original characters #writeblr #writers

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kopretina · 1 month ago

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Ok, so, for context, I am prone to really painful bloating/trapped gas, which comes and goes in its severity, but it's something I've dealt with since high school. I was at work this morning and it started to flare up, but it was manageable until I stood up and I was having a bit of difficulty walking out because of the pain. Got some simethicone from the nearby pharmacy because of course today was the only one day I forgot to bring my tiny medicine box. I went to the library as planned, but I couldn't stand the thought of eating because I was still in quite a lot of pain, so I skipped lunch. I felt ok while sitting, so I managed to get some work done. Started to feel a bit hungry after a couple hours so headed to the jídelna (public cafeteria/milk bar) and ordered from my favorite lady there, and she told me she's noticed that my Czech has been getting better recently. I said "You really think so??" I don't know how much she can really ascertain from our short conversations, but it was still a nice interaction. I decided to go to the city center to buy some yarn and to look for an instant camera to take to Slovenia. On the way between the jídelna and the next tram stop there's a busy road with a really weird intersection you have to cross. It's hard to explain, but basically the pedestrians and the tram go straight, but at the same time the cars get a signal to go kind of straight and then left. -there's a line for them to stop behind but they also have a green light, so it's confusing if you don't know what to expect. So me and a bunch of other people starting crossing the street, and I was admiring this woman's coat. Before I can even register what's happening, a car is flying full speed toward pedestrians ahead of me in the crosswalk. He managed to stop at the last minute, but it was so freaky. I realized after that that the tram was coming and he was trying to avoid getting hit by the tram, but he genuinely almost killed people trying to save his car. Like at that speed, people would have actually died. I don't even understand how he got up to that speed in the short distance between the car lane and the crosswalk. Anyway. i was still in a cloud of dissociation from the pain going "oooh Marimekko"...

Went to the craft store, picked out some yarn, then headed to the drugstore next door looking for an instant camera. I walk in, and there are like swarms of people waiting to check out which isn't normal, or at least I haven't seen it, so that took me by surprise. My eyes felt a little weird, but i thought they were just adjusting to the fluorescent lighting. Realized very quickly that they were migraine auras that just happened to coincide with walking into the store. So I had to haul ass out of there to get home and lay in the dark. Still don't know if they had the cameras there or not. When I have migraine auras, there is weird super rapid movement on the left side of my field of vision and my eyes can't focus on anything unless I really concentrate and it messes up my balance as well, so it's very difficult to like... be in public... alone... in rush hour... taking public transit lol... but I managed. The aura precedes the headache, but if I try to push through the auras, then the nausea comes, so I've learned I have to take the L as soon as I identify the auras and just abandon whatever I'm doing.

But yeah i was already in pain walking from the bloating, and then with the auras, my balance gets thrown off so it was a total comedy of errors getting home ahaha. Anyway made it home ok. Still having what I call migraine aftershocks, but the main part is over. But basically, I'm writing all this because I've been getting twice-yearly migraines for 15 years and I've learned how to cope with them, but I still haven't been able to identify a migraine trigger!!! So I tried to think back on my day to figure it out, but my day was so fucking crazy so who even knows lmao

Oh I realized I forgot to mention, I also felt this weird kind of numbness in my nose and face which is a new symptom I only first had last time, but I looked it up and it is listed as a migraine symptom. Not relevant, but yes

#xoxo to anyone who reads it #you don't gotta

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j0kers-light · 4 months ago

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what would j do if frost mac or neo had the hots for y/n (or all of them🤭). maybe they're smart enough and respect j enough to not say anything but j can just..... tell

Hey hi anon!! 🖤✨

Oh boy 😬 Joker's Loyal three having the hots for Y/n? Of course J would tell. Nothing gets past Joker. Let's break this down by person anon!!

Frost knows better. He's Joker's right hand man so the audacity, the betrayal? (If you're into poly, Joker x Frost x Y/n would work) BUT Chaos drives the Joker is too possessive to share boat. SO! How dare Frost overstep his boundaries? Does he want to die? I mean...

I think Joker would accept it more if Frost just thinks you're attractive (I mean J can't blame him. You are insanely gorgeous, no hard feelings) however if it develops into something i.e Frost actively flirting with you or touching you... oh yeah Joker has to step in and shut things down real quick.

Bromance or not, no one makes a move on his Light. Joker would likely order Frost on an out of town mission as punishment and don't think you're off the hook. Oh no no no no. Joker knows all about your "8/10 would smash" comment about Frost. Expect long nights on your knees sis. Yeah take that L.

By the time Frost does returns from his exile months long mission, "Y/n who?" and you singing the same tune "Frost who?" since your pussy is tired from the beating Joker gave it. A little soreness outweighs Joker murdering his right hand man. Moving right along.

Mac is smart so you would think he would know better? Nope. His pretty boy ego blinds him to the fact that you're J's girl and that Joker Does. Not. Share. All it took was a flirtatious joke and a wink sent your way and Mac's fate is sealed. Strike one.

The blond learns his place real quick in the form of denied access to key systems. Goons whisper as he walks pass. Things feel off at the hideout and his position is called into question. Did Mac really think Joker was gonna let him holler at his girl and touch his money? Boy.. Strike two.

Mac is on thin ice and unfortunately he's caught red handed asking you "what you're doing later." You deny accountability (every person for themselves 🤷🏾‍♀️) you and stand off to the side to ensure that Joker doesn't kill his bookkeeper. Mac might be smart but he dumb at the same time. A gunshot is tame compared to what Joker really wants to do to the blond. Its a warning and Mac keeps a distance from you and doesn't speak to you unless its important going forward.

The boy is traumatized. When Mac becomes romantic with Morgana, Joker backs off but if Mac tries some mess again, RIP to a real one.

Neo is definetely the least loyal out of the three and it shoooooows. Neo canonly flirted with Y/n so.... this is kinda a spoiler of what's to come.

The first time Neo met Y/n he was flirting (he got off with a warning at the time since no one knew your connection to Joker yet) but then he pulled that stunt at your dinner party. Yeah. Neo had the game messed up from day one. That fboy mentality of his is gonna get himself killed. Has anyone heard from him since?👀 Moving right along.

So as for what Joker would do after Neo makes a pass at you? *Murder on My Mind by YNW Melly plays in the background* Jk🥴

I will avoid spoilers here. Just know that Neo is currently knee deep in his redemption arc. His punishment fits the crime and is important to the plot considering he almost ruined it with his foolery in front of your parents. 😤

I hope this answered your question anon! It was fun to fill. 🖤✨

#thanks anon!#thanks for the ask!#Joker's Loyal three #what if #ledger joker #ledger joker x reader #joker x y/n #joker x you #joker x reader #joker x black!reader #heath joker #heath ledger!joker #ledger!joker #heath ledger #dark!joker #joker your yandere side is showing #possessive!joker #don't play with this man

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cat3ch1sm · 3 years ago

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🍈| FINALLY i got started on the I x reader smut. im so srry guys!!! :((( i am taking way too long ik :(((( im trying my best i promise!! it will be out within the week:(((

🍏| here's some death note incorrect quotes to make y'all feel better ig i hope y'all aren't mad😔😔😔😔 enjoy:(((

death note incorrect quotes

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

light: i went through an entire character arc during the time after i lost my memory

light: i became more evil if you're curious

I: don't worry, as long as u haven't killed me, there's still time for a redemption arc!

light: im going to get worse on purpose

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

misa: so are we flirting rn?

light: misa i am literally contemplating killing you

misa: that doesn't answer my question

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

misa: are you sure this is the right direction?

light: yes, im as sure as i am honest.

I: in that case, we are definitely lost.

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

l: light, in your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

light, turning to misa: how tall are you?

(this same thing but with aizawa, soichiro, and matsuda)

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

matsuda, watching the news: someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

aizawa, walking in covered ink: well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

misa, kicking the door down: so you two are having sex!

l, turning to light with a book in hand: oh, really? why didn't you tell me, light? i would've put my book down.

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

near: where are you going?

mello: to get an ice cream or commit a felony, ill decide on the way there

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

watari: okay, truth or dare?

l: truth

watari: how many hours have u slept this week?

l: dare

watari: go to bed.

l: i don't like this game

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

light: i can explain

near: can you?

light: yeah, just give me thirty seconds to think of a lie

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

soichiro: remember when you didn't use to solve all of your problems with murder?

light: stop romanticizing the past.

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

l: tonight, one of you will betray me.

watari: is it me, ryuzaki?

I: no, it's not you.

soichiro: is it me, ryuzaki?

I: no, not you either.

light: is it me, ryuzaki?

l: iS iT mE rYuZaKi

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

mello: i just ended a four-year relationship.

near: oh, im sorry. are u ok?

mello: yeah, it wasn't my relationship

*muffled screaming from light and takada*

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

cop: you're getting a ticket for having three people on a motorcycle.

mello: shit

l: wait, three?

near:

cop: yeah...

mello: OH MY GOD MATT FELL OFF

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

l: i know you've been killing people for light, misa.

light, whispering: play dumb.

misa: who's misa?

light: NOT THAT DUMB

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

near, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

mello, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

l: what the fuck are you guys doing?

near: playing systemic oppression

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

misa: if i die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

light: if?

l: great, the only party i've ever been invited to and she might not even die.

ʚ┈┈୨❁୧┈┈ɞ

l: light, keep an eye on misa amane today. she's going to say something to the wrong person and get killed.

light: sure, i'd love to see misa get killed.

l: try again.

light, sighing: i will stop misa from getting murdered.

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hotwings0203 · 4 years ago

Text

Guys I’m having another Bakugo brainrot

Tw: bullying, noncon, nonconsensual peeping, manipulation

Remember that one episode of MHA where the class goes to the sauna and M*neta tries to check da girls out over the wall?

Imagine the same scenario, but years later when they’re all older

The class wanted a reunion, just to relax and blow off some steam

You’re with the girls, and you all lay back in the hot water reminiscing about the older days when everyone was still getting the hang of their own quirks

Mina brings up this exact same scene but years ago.

“Ohmigosh, do you guys remember the last time we came in our first year here and Mineta totally tried to get a peek at us?”

“Ugh, I hope Iida is keeping a good hold on him right now,” Ochacko giggles, kicking her feet up to rest on a rock

You hum in agreement, tilting your head back to rest against the wooden wall separating you and the boys.

As it was, Uraraka was almost spot on with her hopes. Except, Iida and Tokoyami were out getting refreshments for the rest of the boys, leaving the remaining group to their own plot.

Which was lead by Mineta, of course, who had the brilliant idea to spy on the girls, just like they almost did years back.

“Guys, come on, please they’re right there!” He practically salivates, wildly gesturing to the tall wooden wall in front of them.

Most of them shift uncomfortably and groan about him being a creep as usual, but the rest stay silent.

Mineta takes their lack of outright refusal as fuel to keep blabbering.

“Look, we almost got away with it back then-“

“-You mean you got away with it, we didn’t do shit. And you didn’t exactly get off scot-free, Kota completely demolished your attempts and you landed ass down on Four-Eyes’ face,” Bakugo drawls, leaning his head backwards and looking up at the obsidian sky. The boys laugh, remembering the ridiculous event.

The night is cool, the stars littering the inky atmosphere take the pressure off of Bakugo’s lungs. For weeks now they’ve been training like dogs, battling each other and even minor villains for extra practice of their quirks. This trip was supposed to be a leisure getaway, not a free porno.

But the grape-headed perv is insistent, scoffing and waving the blond’s quip off like some annoying fly.

“You know, there’s something in it for you too, Bakugo. I’ve seen the way you look at Y/N.”

This causes a murmur and a couple of light beers towards the blond, who in turn snarls and ignites his hand to quell the commotion. All of them had an inkling that Katsuki Bakugo had finally set his sights on some poor girl, and that was you. It was such a rare sight to see his face flush slightly when you walked past him, the way he stuttered over his words a bit when you two would be conversing amongst the same group, and best of all, when they would see how he would excuse himself to the bathroom or locker room occasionally when your hero suit would tear in certain places after battles.

“Shut the fuck up 3’2, unlike you I don’t need to ogle at those brain dead bimbos.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you thought of Y/N as a ‘brain dead bimbo’, Bakugo, I’ll be sure to let her know how you feel” Mineta grinned maliciously, and the boys ‘oooo’ed at the jab.

Bakugo’s voice caught in his throat.

“You wouldn’t,” he growled, rising slightly out of the water.

“I already know you’ll kill me afterwards, but I’m prepared for the repercussions if you don’t help...cooperate here,” Grapehead inspected a cuticle and feigned a yawn.

“Come on Bakugo, it’s not like it’s gonna hurt anyone! Well keep this to ourselves,” Denki chimed in a little too eagerly.

“Yeah, I mean, we’re only asking for your and everyone’s support so that we can focus better on training y’know? A little fun never killed anyone.” Sero threw his arm over Kirishima’s shoulder, who blushed at the whole ordeal but kept silent all the while.

Katsuki looked around. Slowly, others were starting to really listen in and look interested at the outcome of Mineta’s plan. Surely a little peeping wouldn’t be too bad would it? And plus, it was only a one time thing.

Shoto was faring the same way as Kirishima, quiet and maybe embarrassed at what they were planning on doing, but no outright refusal. Even Deku had a weird longing glint in his eye, the same kind he would get when he used to fawn over All Might.

He thought about it for a minute more, a chance to see you, naked, honest, and pure, splashing around with your friends as you let your femininity dangle as it pleased.

“Do whatever the hell you want. I’m not taking blame if the bird and glasses come back, though.”

Hushed cheers and excited murmurs erupt from around the spring, and they huddle together to form a plan.

A couple minutes later, the boys were grouping around the wooden panels. Todoroki had burned a hole into the soft wood, and sero had used his transparent tape to cover it up so that the girls couldn’t see it from their side.

And there they were, completely bare, hair flowing, curves showing, voices mature and high pitched giggles emanating from around the water and bank.

Bakugo seeks you out immediately after the hole is made, shoving his way through the crowded bodies much to the amusement of others. But he doesn’t care, all he wants at the moment is to see you in your most honest element.

He doesn’t have to look long, because you’re right there, you’re right in front of them, only a few meters away. Your back is facing them, but the sight of your smooth, naked back and the round curve of your ass squishing against the rocks underneath you is enough to make Bakugo’s cock bob painfully above the water. It’s not too hard to hide his erection since the boys’s attention is elsewhere at the moment.

Your hair is open, and he wants nothing more than to feel it in his hands, run his fingers though your scalp and pull so hard that your neck is snapped back, he wants to know what kind of noises you’ll make for him, would you sound shrill and high pitched or would you wail and bellow for him to let go?

They can hear the girls talking amongst themselves, the hole in the wall makes their voices more audible and clear.

“Quit playing coy, Jirou, we know you’ve got your eye on someone,” Hagakure’s body is nowhere to be found as usual, but her chipper voice rings out from the middle of the hot spring.

Jirou is a few feet away from where you sit, her body also being shown for everyone to see. Bakugo glances at Kaminari to confirm his suspicion, but gags and quickly looks away when he gets an eyeful of his friends’ erect cock.

Not that Bakugo himself has room to talk, though.

“I mean, not really, it’s not a big deal.” The ravenette shifts and hides her head from the rest of girls’ cooing.

“Uh huh, sure. You’re not fooling anyone Kiyoka, I’ve seen the way you look at Denki. You two can’t keep your eyes off each other, it’s cute,” you purr, and Bakugo holds himself back from shoving the other guys out of the way just so that he can hear your voice the best.

Squeals and sounds of splashing fill the air, and Sero and Kirishima whisper excitedly and clap their red-faced friend on the back. Denki can’t keep the 50K watt smile off his face, and even Bakugo grunts and knocks shoulders with him, letting him know that he was happy for the human charger.

But then Jirou claps back with her own snarky observation, and the boys fall hush at the new revelation.

“Alright, you wanna talk about ogling Y/N? Then tell me, how’s Deku doing?”

“Or Bakugo, too,” Mina adds slyly, and now all the girls’ attention, as well as the boys’, is on you.

Bakugo felt like he had whiplash. He would’ve been elated, on Cloud 9 even to hear that maybe you had something for him too, had shitty Deku’s name not have been thrown in there too.

And he looks around wildly for the green haired freak, the freckles dusted across the expanse of his face even more prominent from the deep blush quickly forming, his scarred hands holding the sides of his face shaking in awe and gleeful shock.

But the rest of the boys aren’t as oblivious to how Bakugo seethes at his rival’s joy, from the way the water gets hotter from his quirk sparking underneath the rippling waves. Kirishima scoots closer to his friend and gently lays a hand on his shoulder as if to say, calm down, man. Not right now.

And so the hothead leaves it for the time being, opting to hear your response.

“I-it’s really nothing, they’re both just good classmates like the rest of the guys,” and although your back is turned to them, it doesn’t take a genius to know that you’re embarrassed too, your leg skittishly bouncing in front of you is making your ass jiggle from the back, much to the delight of the salivating boys.

Bakugo wants to spill blood when he suddenly realizes your body is being shown for the rest of these dogs to see

The girls start teasing you, your splutters being drowned out by their playful accusations.

“Come on L/N, whose cuter?”

“Dont act all coy now, I know how nervous you get when you’re all close to Bakugo. I mean I don’t blame you, have you seen his muscles? He could crush someone’s head with those things!”

“Yeah, but have you seen the way she giggles when Deku starts his mumbling tangents? That’s a classic crush right there.”

Bakugo is getting desperate to hear your answer now, some of the boys have left, feeling like they had their full of excitement for the night. They saw some tits and ass, heard some gossip, end of story.

The only ones remaining were Bakugo and his gang, as well as IcyHot and Shitty Deku.

Shitty Deku, who seemed equally eager to hear your response.

It pissed him off that he wasn’t getting the message to fuck off, even after all the growling and death stares he was receiving from his childhood friend.

But he guesses after a lifetime of dealing with it, it doesn’t scare Deku as much as it does anymore.

Maybe he’ll have to amp it up, later

“W-well I mean both of them have their own respective...flaws and strengths I guess..sometimes Deku can be kinda hard to talk to ‘cuz he’s so shy, but Bakugo can be a real jerk at times, too.”

You trail off, and Bakugo scoffs to himself. Him? Flaws? Those two words didn’t go well in one sentence together, but nonetheless he continues to listen. He wouldn’t refute the notion of him being an asshole, he wasnt that delusional.

“And yeah, I mean Bakugo definitely intimidates me sometimes with how aggressive he can be, but Deku is definitely getting up there in terms of physical prowess. But in terms of who I like, I’d have to say-“

“Midoriya! Bakugo! What are you two doing over there?”

Iidas voice booms across the water, and all 6 of the boys jump back, startled at the intrusion.

“No, wait-“ Bakugo hisses, clawing his way towards the hole to hear the rest of what you had to say, but Sero and Todoroki shove him back and patch the hole up with fire and tape, shutting off your confession.

Deku waves his arms around wildly, stammering some excuse of dropping his towel in the spot where they all were sheepishly gathered. They eventually waded their way over to where Tokoyami had set the drinks down, but the blond was shaking with hot rage despite the cool refreshment that was shoved into his hand by a wary Kirishima.

“Don’t sweat it dude, it’s not like her and Midoriya are gonna da-“

“Finish that sentence and I’ll blast both your and his head off,” he glowers at the redhead, shorting a dark look to where an all-too-happy Deku was chatting with Todoroki, as if they hadn’t been drooling over their naked classmates merely a couple minutes ago.

Kirishima backs off with raised hands in surrender, leaving Katsuki to mull over the situation by himself.

You couldn’t seriously be interested in that green haired freak, right? I mean he could barely talk to a girl without tripping over his own damn tongue, for fucks sake.

Not that he was any better himself. He failed to acknowledge the times where you had merely asked him for an extra pencil, when he snapped at you for being such a fuckin’ dumbass that you couldn’t even remember to bring your own shit. He had done that out of pure impulse, but he regretted it the moment he saw your face fall, his heart clenching at the sight

He’d have to show you that he was the better option, regardless of if you wanted it or not.

And so when they had all gotten out of the water and gotten ready for food, Bakugo already knew what he had to do.

You were all eating outside in the camp pavilion, each at their own separate tables. He was sitting with the boys, all of them joking around and throwing food at each other while he was staring you down.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. How could you expect him to, after he had seen half of you bare already? It was sinful almost, the way you were completely in the dark about what he had seen and heard, while he himself was fantasizing about what you looked like and felt like on the front.

So when Deku came by your table, no doubt also having the same conversation of the springs in mind, wanting to get closer to you, Bakugo felt his sanity snap.

The fork he held in his hand started melting in his ignited hand, steam curling from his palm. He watched as the green-eyed fuck made successful shitty attempts to make you laugh, his eyes trained on where you gently laid a hand on his shoulder after something he said that made you throw your head back and howl with glee.

“Hey man, your fork-!” Kaminari yelped, pointing at the disfigured mess of metal in his friend’s steaming hand.

“Huh?” Bakugo was pulled out of his irate daze, and he quickly dropped the fork when he saw what he unconsciously did.

They all looked at him for an uneasy minute after noticing the expression on his face, no doubt understanding he was furious about being compared to Deku once again in front of you.

“Look, Bakugo, don’t really take what Y/N said to heart. We don’t know who she actually likes, and Midoriya’s just her friend...” but Sero trails off hesitantly after glancing in your direction, seeing Deku’s dreamy expression as your hand still continues to rest on his shoulder.

“Just let her come to you, yeah? You don’t wanna force anything on her, that’ll make her really uncomfortable-“

-“Shut the fuck up Shitty Hair, and mind your own damn business,” Bakugo interjects, abruptly unscrewing his drink and standing up, unable to lose you to some broccoli- headed bug-eyed fuck.

He stiffly walks across the pavilion to where you two sit, and feigns a swig from his bottle. Your focus is still on Deku, so you don’t notice him approach until he comes up behind you two and ‘trip’s, falling forward and strategically spilling the liquid all over Deku’s back and your front.

You squeal as your blouse is drenched, and Deku shoots up from his seat to grab some napkins while searching for the perpetrator.

“What the- Kacchan?”

“Oops.”

Bewildered, you look at the two while dabbing the wet splotches on your shirt, Mina and Tsu jumping into action to help you.

The boys exchange a weird look, and although Bakugo gave his version of an apology, he doesn’t look very sorry. In fact, if you saw it right he looked almost...smug? With a bit of anger?

Deku wasn’t any easier to understand either. His voice was lilted as usual while he grabbed napkins, but his gaze never left his childhood friends’ and his eyes weren’t exactly the big doe-eyes you had grown fond of.

They were darkened, and narrowed as they bored into Bakugo’s eyes. Neither one of them was looking away from each other, and there was a weird tension in the air that everyone could sense.

But you couldn’t focus on that right now, you had to go and wash up.

“I gotta change and maybe take a shower, I can feel it sticking to my skin,” you scrunch your nose in disgust and tell Mina as you stand to leave. Deku offers to walk you, but you wave him off kindly.

As you pass by Bakugo, you can feel his eyes rove up and down your body, very obviously staring at the way your white shirt clings to your chest from the liquid, sending chills up your spine.

But he doesn’t come after you, not yet.

It’s only after everyone has finished up from their dinner and headed off to bed almost 20 minutes later that the showers finally, finally warm up enough for you to dip a hesitant toe in.

Curse the old pipes.

*******

He watches you from the dark, the only light you’re provided with is the dim emergency light from the rusty bulb, the camp counselors having been shut the facility’s lights off merely a half hour ago. But you were stubborn in waiting for the water to warm up so you were left alone in the showers, shifting uncomfortably in your sticky wet clothes.

And then miraculously you get up for the umpteenth time to check the temperature of the water, and it’s finally deemed appropriate for you when you sigh in relief and start taking your shoes off.

He hides in the door partition, his cock hardening slowly as he thinks of you alone with just him and his mercy. You were going to pay for almost breaking his heart and prancing around with stupid fucking Deku instead.

But asides from his rage, he still liked you, a lot. He wanted you to want him as much as he wanted you, so he decided to try and attempt to make your first time with him as gentle and as special as he could in the dirty cabin showers.

Bakugo waits with bated breath for the right moment, and the second your hands grip the end of your shirt to pull it up, he slowly emerges from the dark.

“You know, I’m glad you came here alone, at night. It’s almost like you wanted this.”

You jump violently at the low voice coming from seemingly nowhere, and you wildly look around for the source until you see him...coming at you slow from the inky abyss of the room, like a predator stalking his prey.

His figure seems to loom even larger than he actually is, the shadows of his tall body bouncing off the walls and grazing over the top of your head. He seems to be in no rush, taking his time with his hands in his pockets, eyes flashing dangerously at you as he stalks forward until he’s backed you up against the deteriorating wall, chest to chest with you.

“W-what the hell, Bakugo,” you stammer nervously. “This is the girls room, you can’t be here-“

And the hand you raise to push him away is caught in his calloused ones, your other wrist is quickly seized as well and slammed above your head. You cry out in pain and try kicking out, but he wedges a bulky knee in between your thigh and shoves his face mere millimeters away from yours, a mean leer adorning his normally-attractive face.

“What, I can’t be here? And here I was thinking that you almost liked me. But oh, I forgot, Deku’s your favorite, right?” The grip on your wrist tigthens and his leg flexes from in between your thighs.

You squirm and sob, about to ask what the hell he was talking about-

Oh.

Oh no.

He sees the understanding pass over your face, and he laughs cruelly at the horror that comes with it.

“You heard me? How?”

“Not just heard. I saw you, too.”

He lets his eyes drop from your neck, to your chest, and then to the juncture between your legs which was being massaged by his knee.

Tears well up in your eyes as you realize he was watching you this entire evening in the springs. How he got away with it, you didn’t want to even know.

“I saw your hair open for the first time, and not in that stupid hairdo you always do for school.”

He trails his hand softly up the sides of your body and up your neck until he reaches his big hand into your scalp. You whimper and gasp as he laces his fingers through your locks, seeming to caress you but then harshly yanking your head back so you had no choice but to look at him head on.

“I saw your ass pressed up against the rocks, and I wished it was up against my cock instead.”

He removes his hand from your hair and snakes it down to your bottom, kneading and slapping it lightly. You writhe even harder now, too scared to make a noise in case he hurts you even worse, just wanting him to get the hell off of you.

“But I didn’t see the front of you. I imagined what you would look like with tears streaming down your face while I was stuffing you full of me”

He plays with the edge of your shirt, a dark look in his eye as he plays with you. You try to budge your hands but to now avail, only serving in annoying him and shoving his knee up further into your crotch. The pressure on your clit is immense, and your legs start shaking as you’re forced to be suspended almost midair on his knee.

“Take this off,” he says softly, the rasp catching in his voice.

“Bakugo, please. You don’t have to do this, I swear I won’t tell anyone-“

“You think I’m worried about if you’ll tell anyone? Hah! I already know you won’t, wanna know why?”

He leans in, inhaling the scent of your hair and grazing his nose along the side of your neck. You force yourself to breath in and out, feeling an impending heart attack.

“‘Cause if you do, I’ll make sure to fuck you in front of everyone, especially on Deku’s broken body.”

And then you can’t stop them, the tears fall from your body shaking in pure fear at his threat.

You knew he wouldn’t actually do something like that, but hearing it snarled in your ear so softly made you believe it all the same, the power he held while you were fucked, literally and metaphorically.

“Now I’m not gonna ask you again. Take this shit off before I burn it, bitch.”

You don’t want to piss him off further, so with trembling hands you lift the edge of your sticky uniform and start to pull it off, but he stops you with a frustrated grunt.

“Slowly. I wanna savor this while no ones here.”

You bite your lip and suppress a scream as you do what he says.

And oh, does he ever savor it. The shirt clings deliciously to your breasts, and he licks his lips as it ruffles up and over your head. Your skin is perspiring from the humid air, a sheen of sweat lightly decorating your collarbones. Bakugo can’t hold himself back any longer, and you yelp when he comes at you suddenly.

He lunges at your face and pins your arms down by your side again as his lips mesh against yours, his kiss filled with clacking teeth and a thrashing tongue against your lips. The knee you’re straddling is bouncing lightly up and down, jostling you on it and causing your cunt to pulsate with heat.

You let out a distressed moan, and he swallows it greedily, using the advantage of your open mouth to delve deeper into your wet cavern. You open bleary eyes and flinch when you find his already wide open, staring back into unforgiving vermillion orbs.

He pulls back slightly, panting. “I bet Deku didn’t get this kind of treatment, huh? It’s all for me right?”

You don’t know if he’s genuinely asking you or just being insane, so you don’t answer him. Fortunately and unfortunately for you, he doesn’t care for your response, rather more focusing on dragging you by your neck towards the hot showers.

You slip and stumble as he shoves you in a stall, gaining your balance only too late when he turns and locks the door.

“Look, I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, just forget you saw or heard anything at the springs, it was just girl talk, stupid stuff that didn’t mean anything-“

“-even if it didn’t mean anything to you I’ll make sure you believe what you’ll feel after I fuck you senseless.”

And with that, he tugs off his clothes and licks his lips at the sight of you cowering against the wall, naked and oh so vulnerable.

He slowly shifts towards you, pressing his body flush against your trembling one. You can feel the outline of his erection on your thigh, and you swallow at how big it is.

“I don’t wanna have to close your mouth or restrain you when I’m balls deep in that tight cunt. So don’t do anything stupid and this’ll be a whole lot easier for you.”

He reaches a hand down and lightly strokes your labia, relishing in how you whimper and jerk against him, but don’t dare try to stop his hand.

Smart girl

Another hand finds its way to your tits, tugging and pulling at your hardened nipples. You gasp and arch into his touch, slowly coming undone from his ministrations. He humps against your leg like a teenage kid, grunting while he does so.

His mouth is attacking yours once again, but now you’re too tired from the constant surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins to even move your head. You just let him play with your body, your heart, your soul.

“I think the princess is wet enough for me now,” he leers at you when he pulls his fingers away, scissoring his digits to show the strings of wetness he pulled from your pussy.

You squeal and grab onto his chiseled arms as he suddenly hikes his hands underneath your upper thighs and picks you up, forcing your legs to wrap around his middle for support.

He slams you against the wall, the water cascading down your head is making your hair stick to your face, and in a strange and sudden show of intimacy Bakugo softly moves your locks away from your eyes. Your gazes lock, yours desperate and tear filled while his scarlet hues show no signs of mercy, but rather a strange predatory hunger.

Your arms scrabble behind his head and on his shoulders for balance as he slowly sinks you down on his length. You hiss and throw your head back at the sensation of being filled, and he eats it up.

He watches the way your mouth opens, your eyes widen, as every sinful sound your body can make escapes you.

As if he needed more of an ego boost

You wail as the last inches are sucked into your dripping hole, and he lets out a mean breathy laugh.

“Fuck, you really were ready huh? I should’ve taken you weeks ago, little slut.”

Your brows furrow and you try to turn your face away but he snatches your chin in a hardened grip.

“Uh-uh, none of that shit. You were doing so well, don’t turn away from me now.”

He slowly starts to roll his hips minutely into yours, not exactly thrusting but enough movement to make your cunt flutter and throb.

“What do you want me to say? You got what you wanted!” You whisper to him, more tears falling down freely down your cheeks.

He can’t help himself, he groans and surges forward to lick the salty rivers up, gripping your ass tightly when you flinch.

“Tell me you love me. Tell me how much you want me, how much better I am than that green-haired bastard and I won’t shove it up your ass.”

You can feel his abdomen clench and shake from the effort he’s making not to completely batter your cervix so you give in quickly, afraid of what he’s like when his thin strands of self restraint snap.

“I...I love you Bakugo. I really want y-ooh!”

The last bit of your sentence is choked off as he lifts you up all the way to his tip and slams your hips down his length. You gasp and weave your hands through his hair for support, your legs violently shaking at the pain.

He grunts and starts really giving it to you, setting a fast pace as he bounces you on his cock. Your head is bobbing around, you’re fairly certain there’s drool coming down your lips but you can’t find it in you to care as he fucks you into oblivion.

After a couple of more painful thrusts he pushes you against the wall and removes your hands from his hair, holding them above your head against the wall. You’re trapped with your upper half plastered against the dingy tile while your lower half is wrapped his dick.

Your cunt swallowing him down is the only leverage you have, so your whole body weight presses down on his shaft. He moans loudly at the pressure on his tip, your gooey hot walls clamping around him from every angle and you yourself can’t help it when your eyes roll back at the sensation.

He rocks his hips up, and up you go as well, whining and clawing at the wall behind you, desperately grappling onto your sanity as well. Your tits bounce with each thrust, and his glinting eyes take perverse joy in their obscene movements.

Bakugo starts moving in earnst now, deeming the slow strokes enough prep for you. He batters your womb, reaching places not even your fingers could access, making you go cross eyed.

He sees this and snickers at your pathetic state.

“Fuck yeah you little whore. You’re gonna learn no one else can satisfy this slutty pussy like I can.”

You give him nothing but a choked gasp in response. You head moves like a bobblehead, you can’t even see clearly from the water cascading into your eyes. He’s just a towering blob of ashy blond hair and large muscles.

His hips start stuttering in their rhythm, drawing to a close from his contrasting pounding minutes earlier. Your nails rake over his forearms, holding on for dear life as he pants and groans into your ear like an animal. His dick spasms inside you for a second or two, and then Bakugo suddenly holds you tight against him, wet bodies pressed against each other as he cums.

He lets out a loud moan as you whine into his shoulder at the sensation of his hot seed filling you up. You’re held against his heaving chest for a moment of two, the both of you catching your breath until he slowly backs up and lets you slip to the ground.

It’s suddenly very quiet, the sound of the shower is drowned out by the ringing in your head. You’re shaking, shock overcoming your abused body as you refuse to look at him.

But he won’t have any of that. He steps forward, and you flinch yet again, scrambling backwards to put very necessary space between him and you.

“You got what you wanted. Please leave, I won’t say anything to anyone.” You breath out shakily.

He’s silent for a moment before you hear him chuckle. His low chuckles grow louder and more derisive, he’s booming with sinister laughter and you snap your head up in horror at him.

“You think this is done?”

He crouches to your level suddenly, elbows on his knees as he cocks his head at you, eyeing your naked body that he so recently claimed as his. His gaze travels down to where his cum seeps from between your legs, and you quickly cross your limbs over to prevent him from seeing the lewd sight.

“You’re mine now, Y/N. I already told you, you’re not gonna be talking to Deku, or any other guy apart from me. You think they’ll even want you when they find out how you loved being fucked in the dirty showers? Everyone’s gonna call you a slut, nothing else.”

“No, that’s not true you-“

He crawls to you, and it’s so mesmerizingly terrifying to see a man of his build crawl to you like some deranged humanoid that you shut up, words caught in your throat.

“Shut the fuck up.” He says softly. “You’re my bitch now, and you’ll do whatever the fuck I say, when I say it.”

Bakugo might’ve felt a little bad to see the girl he liked so scared of him all because of his doing, but the way you trembled and crossed your legs like the stupid, helpless little girl that you were erased every hesitancy from his mind.

He grabbed your cheeks and smushed them together, paying no mind to the pleas and whimpers you let out in retaliation.

Licking a long stripe up your neck, you shivered when he growled, “now clean up and be outside in 10 minutes, you’re sleeping in my bunk tonight. The guys are all asleep so we’ll just take an empty room in the cabin.”

He released you and stood back up, grabbing a towel for himself along the way. Drying his hair off, his back was turned to you as he started picking his clothes up too.

You just sat there in a daze, wondering what the hell just happened.

“Oh, and Y/N?” He was dressed, and he was at the door now.

“If you think about doing anything stupid or take longer than 10 minutes, I’ll come back in and get you personally. And I’ll make sure that we stay here for the rest of the night, just in case you like your little time alone that I’m giving you too much.”

#tw: noncon #bakugo smut #yandere bakugo katsuki #bakugo x you #bakugo mha #bakugo bnha #yandere bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #mha yandere #yandere Bakugo #bnha yandere #bnha smut #mha smut

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