#lifesaverposts

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Hello I wish Travis McElroy was my dad

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Every time someone uses the word r*tarded in an insulting manner towards something/someone my metaphorical dick retracts into my body

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One time this girl equated not feeling butch enough to be a lesbian to gender dysphoria and let me tell you I lost some brain cells that day

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I feel like such an old man, I get tired at like 9 pm,,,

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I may be hot, but at least I'm a mess,, which makes me a

wait fuck

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so I've been having this recurring dream where I go to a place in the middle of nowhere and a middle age guy greets me, gives me food, and pretty much drugs me with the food (also he tells me to eat the container too???). so then you feel your brain start to get all static and your thoughts become "I need to eat more or I'll die" and it's legit terrifying. then when you try to talk to the people around you who are also being drugged, they all have on earbuds and can't hear you at all.

so anyways

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everyone in the hp tag is talking about the fact that it's finally 19 years later and

I'm sobbing don't look at me

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My dogy keeps drinking out the toilet

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Also I have the uncontrollable urge to cover my whole door in old newspapers

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Uuuhhhh

This is A Lot™

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He can't..

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If I see one (1) more post about net neutrality being "dead" and "over"!!!1!1!!1!1! because of the fcc vote I'm gonna have a stroke please educate yourself and shut the fuck up

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I need to calm the fuck down and stop clenching all my muscles all the time, so this is a sign to relax your muscles you've been unknowingly tightening

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What the fuck is up fellas

I'm ready 2 die

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You know when a character's backstory hits you in the heart,,,,

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My girlfriend came over today and she fell asleep on my shoulder and my mind was like bitch!!!!! You are the best thing that's ever happened to me!!!!