#life of teroin

[genogenocrazycatman]

Bought tickets for the One Piece Orchestra show

Will I fit in the seat? Possibly. Comfortably? Most certainly not. But I bought a second seat so I can over flow and it looks like it hasn't sold really well, so I might get my short little row to myself.

[genogenocrazycatman]

me: let's do something productive

brain: too stressed, can't focus

me: ok, then let's do something enjoyable first

brain: can't do that either, feeling too guilty for not being productive

[genogenocrazycatman]

Caught in this suck ass cycle where work stresses me out and makes me feel guilty for being a failure. Which overwhelms me and I want to shut down, so I take a break to take care of myself, but spend the whole thing feeling guilty and like a failure for needing a break. And I usually crack and work on my break. And then I feel guilty and like a failure for sucking so bad at my job that I manage to suck at taking time off too. And we start with work stressing me out again.

[genogenocrazycatman]

I never thought I was going to be a cool 20-something

But even with that in mind making bookmarks while listening to the fucking Trolls soundtrack on a Saturday night isn't really what I envisioned.

[genogenocrazycatman]

[genogenocrazycatman]

Yohohoho it's the pirates life for me

Getting maybe a little too much British army and not enough terror on the high seas but with some make up, scars and a wig I think it'll balance out

[genogenocrazycatman]

I just want to find a fucking therapist, but the website keeps crashing

INSURANCE COMPANIES HIRE BETTER WEBSITE DESIGNERS 

[genogenocrazycatman]

I miss living in a walkable community

[genogenocrazycatman]

I just want to open the window and let the cool air in, but I can’t because these fucking raccoons keep trying to get into my house and have ripped the screens.

[genogenocrazycatman]

I really wish I felt as productive at 10:00 am when I’m actually at work as I do at 10:00 pm when I should be getting ready for work. Also sitting here drinking a monster, writing a grant app that’s due in less than 48 hours while listening to Got7 is giving me flash backs to writing papers in my dorm.

[genogenocrazycatman]

One more loan paid

[genogenocrazycatman]

I wanna get my masters, but I have no idea when I would do it

I work full time, and I commute two hours each way. By the time I get home, I have about three hours to eat, shower and perform the other basic functions of life. I spend my Sundays with my grandfather.  Saturdays, I work my other job and see the people I don’t see during the week cause I’m either at work or commuting. 

I don’t want to give that time up to take classes, even if I did them online. And if I did pursue my masters. I would want to do it in person, which isn’t possible because of my schedule and the buses. (I don’t drive. I’m not going to. I’m not getting into that argument.)  

If I moved closer to the city, which I want to do, I would have more time and I could actually go to class, but I wouldn’t be able to afford to take classes, because of the cost of living. 

It’s just frustrating, and I don’t think it really hit me, until a little bit ago, when I finally said it out loud.

[genogenocrazycatman]

Reason to go to bed on time

So that you're asleep before the gunshots

[genogenocrazycatman]

Okay tonight but like when tonight dude I have too much anxiety for this later nonsense

[genogenocrazycatman]

I have so much shit to do

And fucking no motivation. And like I have to do it today, because the next couple of days are retreat, which honestly, whoever though training sessions should be called a retreat can fuck right off 

[genogenocrazycatman]

I bought lights for my bookshelf and I'm obsessed