#life is worth living dot mp3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tussive · 5 years ago

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I've posted a couple of songs by him recently but I'd just like to take a moment to shout out my friend William McAteer's music. He makes music of a variety of styles, but primarily the bulk of it would fall under like folk, singer songwriter, indie rock.

I am obviously biased because he is like my best friend, but I truly think that he is one of the most talented musicians I've ever heard. I was immediately enamoured with his music the moment he sent me a link to one of his songs. His song writing is catchy and beautiful and well executed imo and his lyrics and subject matter are real and relatable.

I mentioned that I met my best friend on Omegle with the shared interest of DXM the other day, that's him. He's a beautiful soul and I love him and want to spread his art as far as I am capable of.

So, if you're interested in that sort of area/type of music (folk, rock, "folktronica," sad boy shit, etc) I ask you to please check out William's music. If you don't care for it, that's cool, no harm no foul. But I think you'll like it and I truly believe this is music worth being heard.

Also I am pretty sure he is currently incarcerated (he had a court date this week some time, everyone told him he probably wasn't going to get any jail time, but he hasn't been active online anywhere since Tuesday and hasn't responded to any calls or texts, so it's not looking good.) and I think it'd be really cool if I could tell him that I got a bunch of people to check out his music while he was away. He has a conflicted view of his music becoming more popular, but he does try to get it out there usually. (He wants people to hear it, but then when more people start hearing it, people he doesn't like and don't understand what he's trying to say start talking about it and it makes him feel bad.)

I remember back in 2014 when Girl Part came out, I was living in Chicago with my girlfriend at the time. And we both did DXM a lot and sometimes we'd decide to do it at night and the only place nearby that was open that carried it was a CVS that was idk, maybe a 1.5-2m walk. The entire summer of 2014 I walked back and forth there so many times, always at night between 12AM-5AM, always listening to music while walking, either William's Girl Part, or Chief Keef - Bang Pt 2 or Almighty So. That isn't really relevant to anything or anyone other than myself, but it's just a really fond memory lmao.

Four of his albums are available on his Bandcamp with name your own price, but he has other albums and hundreds of loose songs he's sent me. I'm going to include a few links to some of my favorites, but if you'd like more stuff just hit me up and I can upload it for you. =3

Bandcamp: https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/ Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer

Alright then, some of my favorite songs of his. This is by no means a complete list, of course.

I Want You (Tom Waits cover) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbNum6c_zvY

Demon Blood & My Dream Boy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDufUP7Mbfo

Priapus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cmG8zhCYoQ

We Cut the Tzar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHgDWeyhmxc

Life's a Killer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8Fc1fMfjMQ

Dominar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqGvl_F_M6Y

Where Are You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJb1rs6x08

Lust for Life (Girls cover) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHUFsh70isY

Proud Filth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwqSaG18AcU

dmt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYunh7xrRk8

Dark/Lite https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNtSvpg_S58

The Body Is A System https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLoj_pLy9O0

Girl Part (this is my favorite song to listen to on DXM) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeKd7Jxe1c4

May, 2013 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNCfEQ6taug

Overalls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-wcVlHFQ2E

Hot Carl Cummin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePGxwD6ENU

A Short Song About Masturbation https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/a-short-song-about-masturbation

Bby Boi (I Need Me, You, I mean) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4t3GRqkj34

Traces of You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8_-dgWq2V4

Momma's Muffin (Mommy Loves You So Much) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt8Kh42x05Y

A Warm Embrace https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_VfsfPGm_g

Drunk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxhsVLavavs

PB&J https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tljQKjHXLC0

Stay Gone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv6qaZFsSwQ

Stiefvater [This song was originally called Insensitive Cuboid Nazi Cuntboi, he must have changed it recently) https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/stiefvater

Your Ghosts https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/your-ghosts

Trazodone https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/trazodone

Renal Failure https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/renal-failure

Diaperboi https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/diaperboi

Ugly Thing https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/ugly-thing

Suicido https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/suicidio

OKAY https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/okay

Safety Net Girl https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/safety-net-girl

Old Souls https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/old-souls

B&E https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/b-e

Kiddo https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/kiddo

Love vs. Porn (Version 2) (Kevin Drew cover) [This is on a compilation of demos and assorted files he sent me and he never made any official cover art for it, so I just used a picture of him at AnthroCon lol.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uihQB5nWfo

Blue Color Scheme https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/blue-color-scheme

Remove Their Hands https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/remove-their-hands

Sweet Puppy Dog https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/sweet-puppy-dog

Stay Here https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/stay-here-2

I Don't Wanna Be Here https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/i-dont-wanna-be-here

Percodan Smile https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/percodan-smile

Pink https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/pinkamena

homo demo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvpZUXb4pIA

Cowboy Dick https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/cowboy-dick

U made me a Hole https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/u-made-me-a-hole-1

bedroom dream pop star fantasy https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/bedroom-dream-pop-star-fantasy

krylon https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/krylon

Hold u again.mp3 https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/hold-u-again-mp3

the dotted line https://soundcloud.com/williammcateer/the-dotted-line

Sublimated_Man https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/sublimated-man

A, moon https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/a-moon

True Lillith in Aries https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/true-lilith-in-aries

Lizard_Cum https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/lizard-cum

breath play https://williammcateermusic.bandcamp.com/track/breath-play

Okay, I'm gonna stop for now lmao. Obviously I don't expect anyone to listen to all of those, feel free to just pick 1 or 2 at random and listen to see what you think, or whatever.

Anyway, sorry for the spam. But please check my boy out. He's a special type of person you don't find often.

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chuckadams · 5 years ago

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The Fierce and Beautiful World: A Requiem for a Year

And now let us gather round the hearth—or whatever it is we consider a hearth in this day and age, be it a wood-stove (you lucky bums) or the soft glow of a smartphone screen—let us gather and dive into yet another of my long-winded rants and raves about the past year. For it has been a doozy. Is that the right word? Can a doozy capture both the highest of highs, as well as the lowest of lows? Is there a better word? I have already googled “best word to describe a year of ups and downs” and google cannot adequately give answers.

Because there are no answers.

Last year I wrote that there are only “arcs and circuits and feedback loops, and they are always bending and flowing. Gaining and losing. Seeking a balance, that will never be perfect or purely balanced.” 2019 was the year that proved it.

SRI LANKA NEW YEAR

On the first day of 2019 I woke up in Bucharest after a long sleep, interrupted briefly by midnight fireworks in the piazza down the street. I had just returned from a two-week trip to Sri Lanka, which, if nothing else, allowed me time to reflect and consider where I was going. I had just begun dating Ani, an Armenian-born Russian citizen, earlier that fall, and she was back home in Russia for the holidays.

One year later, I will read this, from a book gifted to me by my brother: “I will find my way into new country that beckons me to take unexpected risks, which turn out not to be risks at all, but the next step.” And I realize this was what 2019, and pretty much all of the past decade, has been about. Unexpected risks turning into next steps.

In Sri Lanka, I sat on a beach and watched a daughter excitedly frolic in the waves with her dad, and I thought, Wouldn’t that be nice, too? I took surf lessons (“I need to impress my surfing girlfriend,” I told my instructor). I sat on a flat wooden raft and was pushed across a lake by a silent boatman, while I spied elephants on the far shore with my binoculars, tuning in to the steady splashes of water against the hull. I leaned out from the open door on a jungle train as it chugged through tea fields in the highlands from Ella to Kandy to Colombo, listening to a soundtrack of indie rock music on my mp3 player.

I read, months later, about the terrorist attacks in Colombo and thought about the wonderful people I had met who would likely suffer from less income this year.

THE TROUBLE WITH ONLINE DATING

“Everything, even the weather, becomes a communication, or even a critical comment, on one’s relationship with things, phenomena, persons, etc.” I wrote that last year. It seems sad to admit, but the biggest comment about my newfound relationship with Ani came when I deleted all of my dating apps on my phone. Not days after I met her, nor even weeks. It took months. Months of internal conflict that culminated in what, for me, was a small victory for the soul.

Online dating apps have been both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they have allowed an introvert like me to actually have a dating life. I recall, back in 2007, when I was suddenly single after a long relationship, how difficult it was to date. I didn’t even have the Internet at my house in Eugene, Oregon; no Wi-Fi, and definitely no smartphone; I got 8 hours of screen-time per day at my job, and that was plenty for me, thank you. Dating in 2007 was like the Stone Ages compared to today, where you had to physically go out and “bump” into strangers, or just wait until strangers fell into your orbit.

I’m not really the kind of person who talks to strangers at bars (at least not in bars in my home country), so I let people drift into and out of my life like those deer who show up in your front yard, eating your clover, and then move on down the street. I was that kind of deer, too. A feral browser, moving to and fro, with no rhyme or reason.

And then, around mid-2016, voila! an endless scroll of possibilities with dating apps, whilst living in ever larger cities of Portland, and then Bucharest. But I noticed something: the “endless possibilities” became, for me, antithetical to actual committed relationships. I remember going on a few dates with women, who were, on balance, worth spending my time and energy with, but that energy was instead spent scrolling through the endless possibilities still out there. It was like I was living through some bizarro world version of my college art film, “Hunting Love.” I had become a hunter-gatherer, and yet I wanted to be a farmer. These apps had turned me into a hypocritical monster. With so much wild game at my fingertips, there really was no rational reason to switch to cultivating a sustainable life with another person. I had resigned myself to eternal bachelorhood, and I was becoming more and more okay with this.

Then I met Ani.

And isn’t this how it typically happens? Someone defies all of your expectations, catching you unaware?

With Ani, our courtship (and yes, I insist on using that old-fashioned term) developed over the course of months, not days. It was like a tree that needed to grow a few rings of thickness before it knew it was something of substance. In the past, I would have looked at the seed, imagining I saw a tree, prematurely. Often I would have planted anew before even giving it a chance to grow.

For me, the seed became a tree when we both took a weekend trip to the Black Sea coast in late January 2019, a full 2.5 months after we met. We got a deal on a room at one of the few seaside resorts still open in the dead of winter, one that had an indoor pool and a sauna. That evening, before dinner, we took a stroll along a desolate stretch of beach. It was dusky, cold, and a light rain fell, coating us in those fine white dots of spray. I remember thinking, “There are only so many people on this Earth who would actually enjoy what we are doing right now. I mean, it stinks like dying fish on this beach, and it’s bloody cold, and there is nobody else around here except us.” But we got closer, for warmth, and it was obvious I was not asking too much of her to be here with me.

Later, in the spring, we took a weekend road trip to the far western part of Romania to scout a location for a school trip. Then, for a week we road-tripped through Bulgaria, with the highlight being some wild camping on a beach near the border with Turkey. Again, I came back from these trips pinching myself.

ADDRESSING THE ISSUE OF CHILDREN IN WAR ZONES

In the midst of all this, I continued to teach at the American International School of Bucharest, surrounded by intrepid and exasperating students, as well as adventurous colleagues.

For example, there was that wonderful week in February spent in Sweden with colleagues. We walked around Stockholm, then spent a solid few days cross-country skiing and soaking in hot tubs in Funasdalen, in the central-west mountains near the border with Norway. Mmmhmmmm, just what was needed in the middle of winter.

I also took on a new challenge this year, namely that I coached the middle school’s Model United Nations (MUN) for the winter season. We had a group of 8 students, all quirky in their own ways, who got practice in debating, resolution writing, and the fine art of lobbying. I’ll admit that I probably would not have been interested in MUN when I was a middle schooler, nor as a high schooler. It does seem to favor those who like to hear themselves talk, though it certainly attracts those with a desperate need for social skills practice. However, I liked that this was a group that actually enjoyed discussing worldly topics, like the role of NGOs in developing countries, or the role that religion plays in national politics. I was most comfortable when I could just assume the Humanities teacher role and guide students to a well-written and researched resolution addressing the issue of children living in war zones. We had a local, on-campus MUN conference in March, and then traveled to a MUN conference in Budapest, Hungary. The big news I wish to share is that, for the first time in my life, I bought a suit. Apparently MUN participants must dress the part, and their coaches must follow suit, literally. So there’s that. A small but significant change. Ka-ching.

THE POETRY OF BONFIRES

After MUN season wrapped up in early April, I got ready to lead a group of 7th and 8th graders on a trip to Port Cetate, in the far southwestern part of Romania, for a week-long creative writing and photography retreat. At my school, the 7th through 10th graders go on week-long trip in mid-May tailored to their interests. The trips ran the gamut from creative pursuits (like writing and photography), to outdoor pursuits (like rock-climbing, mountain biking, or scuba diving), to service-learning pursuits. On the trip I led, I got to teach kids about writing short, descriptive vignettes, as well as how to take photos manually using a DSL film camera (using my old Canon AE-1). It blew their minds that they would have to wait 2-4 weeks to see the fruits of their photography, most of which turned out slightly out of focus. Above all, I won’t forget the last day we had with the students, when we had a bonfire on the banks of the Danube River, looking across to Bulgaria. We had an impromptu dance party, which is probably the most memorable poetry these kids will remember a few years from now.

When we returned from this trip, I headed straight to the airport, to fly to Portugal to meet Ani in Sagres, where we spent two days surfing, eating amazing meals, swinging in hammocks, and hanging with her surf camp friends. We spent one sunset overlooking what can only be described as “the end of the world.” And others describe it this way, too. Sagres is the extreme southwestern point of the European continent. (It is at this spot that we hope to perform a small but special ceremony in June 2020.) Later, we drove north to spend a day in Lisbon, a wonderful city well worth the time and energy spent exploring its nooks and crannies.

SUMMER OF HANG TIME

After that, time moved swiftly. The school year ended, and my summer break began. This summer I would not be charting something so adventurous as the previous summer’s month-long bike tour of the Balkans. No, this summer the theme was Hang Out with Friends and Family, and Renew Relationships. I think this summer epitomized what I wrote last year about optima:

“Optima means there is no single variable which should be maximized over any other single variable: period. This is the practice of stability, of optimization; an oscillation of gain and loss; the practice of diversity; the spirit of community.”

What this meant, in practical terms, is that my legs and lungs probably got less exercise this summer, but I was exercising something else, perhaps less physical, but no less important.

I spent quality time with friends and former professors in Laramie, Wyoming; a week with my brother Jonah and family in Colorado; a road trip across Hwy 50, the “loneliest road,” from Utah to Oregon, with my brother Phil; a family reunion in Astoria with my niece, Skye, and her fiancé, driving in from San Diego, as well as my sister, Elisha, and her boyfriend, Joe, flying in from Chicago, essentially to celebrate my return from abroad, as well as my niece’s recent engagement.

At first I anticipated this reunion with trepidation, as Elisha has a knack for returning to Astoria with hurricane force winds, knocking down everyone in her path of verbal volleys, usually snarky but occasionally biting. That being said, I hadn’t seen her in over a decade, for a variety of reasons, and I realized, after she arrived, in full hurricane mode, and saw her interactions with everyone, that I missed her. Her boyfriend, Joe, was sporting a mohawk and pounding down the local craft beers I was offering. Uh-oh, I thought. Maybe I should have mentioned these were 6% ABU? Somehow we all made it up to the Astoria Column for the sunset.

I remember waking up the next morning and seeing that nobody was taking action to make anything special for breakfast. Such lazy bums, I thought. Then I remembered that I was an adult now...it only took me 36 years to figure that out...and that if I wanted pancakes for breakfast, I had to make them myself. So I got out all the ingredients and I started churning out what we call “big pancakes” in my house, and which are called Swedish pancakes, or French crepes, elsewhere. Sure, there were arguments about whether my dad’s cherry jam would or would not cause food poisoning...arguments over the absurdity of my brother running out and buying three large jars of high fructose corn syrup jelly…but those arguments came from the parents. I remember that Elisha and Joe were grateful for my sweat over the stovetop.

This, I choose to remember.

RECONNECTIONS

Later, once my extended family came and went, I focused on hanging with my parents, and spending time with friends in Astoria and Portland. On this trip alone, I met at least nine brand new humans under the age of two, such is the state of mid-30s life. At some point, I remember briefly thinking, “I miss the freedom of my bike tour of the previous summer, where every day I packed up my panniers and cast off on another journey to another new town.” Then I remember thinking, “Well, but this is nice. To reconnect and restore relationships...moreover, to have the blessing of time off in the summer months to do such a thing, is priceless. There will always be time for adventures; there is not always time to just hang out, however brief, and catch up on life.”

Indeed, I even got to spend a few hours with Ngaoi, a friend I met back when I was volunteering on a farm in New Zealand in 2010. She was the best friend of our hosts, and would come over often to hang out and help us in the hydroponic lettuce greenhouses. My ex-girlfriend, Rachel, and I secretly wanted to adopt her as our daughter (we were in our late 20s; she was in her late teens). Zoom ahead a decade, and she was visiting her current boyfriend, an American she met in New Zealand, but who happened to live in Beaverton, Oregon. They both made a weekend trip to Astoria, and I introduced them to the Blue Scorcher’s coffee and we browsed a “flea market” at a local church.

The sun races around the galaxy; the Earth sprints to keep up with it in gravitational orbits; and we always make our returns back to our origins to begin again.

THE ORIGIN OF LOVE

When I flew back to Romania, Ani had moved into my apartment in downtown Bucharest. We had planned on it before I left, but still it was a bit of a shock to see all her belongings in place, the decor slightly personalized to her likings. I didn’t mind it at all. Moreover, it was an important milestone, a difference that made a difference.

When you are 22, you have your whole life ahead of you, and, even if you’re certain about a thing, can take your time to get around to ascertaining it. Well, when you’re 36, and you are certain about a thing, there is no practical use in waiting to ascertaining it. You take hold of it and don’t let it go.

Thus, by mid-October, while we Ani and I were on vacation in Greece, on the island of Crete, on a stretch of beach we had all to ourselves, as the sun hung low on the horizon, I proposed.

The engagement ring has the words “origo amare” engraved on the inside of the band, an allusion to our first meeting at a coffee shop named Origo. The Latin phrase means, “The origin of love.” It seems ironic, I know, that the origin of love could be instigated by a few messages sent back and forth on Internations, a social media site for expatriates, followed by a meeting for coffee. There was no love at first sight. In fact, it took a month before we exchanged our first kiss. But every slow burn needs its spark.

Our spark came when I asked if Ani would show me how to use her longboard, which she had in the trunk of her car parked a block away. As we walked to the concrete slab, she pushed me from behind to see which foot was more dominant. It was just a test, but later, she told me, “You felt so warm.” Perhaps the body knows things before the brain does. Life is a mystery, and I want to hold onto that mystery, because there is no reason we should have met each other, growing up on opposite sides of the world, to meet under such particular circumstances. That spark led to another meeting, and then another...

So it goes.

One year later we were engaged. Unlike most other times in my life, there is no inner conflict, no hesitation. Sure, there are “What if…?” lines of inquiry, as per usual. But the one line of inquiry that sets me straight is the one that goes, “What if I had never met Ani?” It sets me straight because I know the answer to that one: I would be writing this end-of-year review as per usual, likely on a tropical beach somewhere, likely alone, and happy enough, because I am perfectly fine enjoying my own company (and the company of books), and I would be describing some incredible moments from the past year.

But I would not be describing what I suppose I’m describing now: a change in trajectory, a revolution of priorities. Without Ani I would have been happy; with Ani I know I will be happier.

OF LOGISTICS AND A DOG BITE

So the year beat on. In November, I brought my cross country team to the championships in Kiev, Ukraine, and got bit by an unclaimed dog in the middle of the coaches race. Spent my November getting injections of rabies vaccine by a no-nonsense nurse at the Anti-Rabic Clinic here in the city.

We enjoyed a three-day weekend at the end of November in Milan, Italy, visiting with an old friend and taking engagement photos with an iPhone X. I celebrated my 37th birthday on a rare sunny day in Milan, eating turkey at a belated Thanksgiving Day feast.

Throughout the fall, Ani and I spent many an evening planning the logistics of when and where we would get married in Romania (in front of the legal authorities) and in Sagres, Portugal (in front of family), as well as the insane amount of bureaucratic paperwork needed to fulfill the requirements here in Romania.

Ani and I have no plans to return to the United States to “settle down.” We met as global citizens of the world, and we intend to stay that way, at least for the time being. As of today, I have spent a little over 5 years of my adult life living abroad, in places all over the world. I feel at home in the world now, and building a cross-cultural, multi-lingual family seems to be my ultimate fate, happily.

THE REBALANCING OF HIGH & LOW

Well, so much for the highs. Sometime in September, I thought, “I’ve been lucky so far, because I have only lost my grandparents, and that was long ago. But...it’s only a matter of time.” And that time came in early October, with the passing of my Uncle Remi. He was 76 years old. My parents flew to Chicago to attend his funeral, as well as take care of his final arrangements. He was living in his family home at the time, and now that house, which had been in my family’s possession for over 70 years, will be up for sale.

Then, on the evening of December 7th, I got a call from my brother. I was in the middle of my school’s holiday party, at the Marriott Hotel, when he told me our sister had passed away. She was 47 years old. At one point, he mentioned that we knew this moment would come eventually, and I knew what he meant. In 2011 she had nearly died as a result of a critical MRSA infection. At that time I was in a far remote corner of Ethiopia, and the power and Internet was cut. My family was rushing to the hospital in Chicago, and I was rushing to catch a bus to somewhere with a phone signal. She miraculously recovered from that scary episode, and so I like to think that she was blessed with eight more years of life. Eight more years to make memories with her daughter, and to see her daughter get married on a beach in Hawaii this past October, so happy and joyful.

After the news, I sucked it in as best as I could and went to work for three more days. Some colleagues wondered why I was at work. Where else would I be, I thought, on the couch moping? No, it was better to see the faces of my students, to let them know what happened, so they saw me as a frail human. And they were so kind about it. About seven students from my 6th grade English class even surprised me with kind notes attached to my door, reminding me of the spirit of giving and generosity in our darkest month of December.

I flew to Chicago on a Thursday, arriving late, hosted by my cousin Jeremy. Despite the circumstances, it was satisfying to catch up with some of my family still living in Chicago, such as my cousins Jeremy, Harmony, Mike, and uncles Steve, Ben, and John, and aunts Linda, Pam, and Kathy. As well, meeting my cousins’ tiny children for the first time was a diamond in the rough.

The night before the funeral, my brother Jonah, his wife LuAnne, and my brother Phil, all of whom just arrived by air, picked me up from my cousin’s house. We congregated at the Hampton Inn, in Lisle, Illinois, where several folks were staying for the weekend, to put together three large photo-collages that would be displayed at the funeral. Elisha’s step-sister, Melissa, had collected arts and crafts supplies from the daycare she runs, and we all got to work, including my niece Skye and her husband, David. Together, we all did our best to piece together Elisha’s life from images collected from several sources across the ages. It was hard not to dwell too long on this treasure trove of images, some of which we had never seen until now, and before too long it was nearly midnight.

What is there to say about funerals? Are they really for the deceased? Or are they for the living?

As family and friends came together at the funeral home for a two-hour moment in time, we paid our respects to Elisha, and we paid our respects to each other. I met people for the first time, and I reunited with people I had only met once, long ago. The photo-collages were beautiful, but it was the photo album that my Uncle Steve brought—ones that held Elisha’s baby photos, when she ran and frolicked on the farms and coastal beaches of Oregon—that choked me up the most.

Every time I got near my sister’s urn I choked back tears. Stupid as it sounds, because I didn’t have any tissue on hand, I stifled the tears. But when the funeral parlor director came out to ask everyone to take a seat, or take a knee, while he said a prayer, I found some tissues, and the tears burst forth.

Then he asked everyone except the immediate family to walk past the urn and pay their final respects. I did not, could not, look up. More tears.

Then he asked the immediate family to come forward. We made a half-circle in front of the urn, in all its rainbow-hued splendor, reflecting my sister’s colorful character, sitting there amidst the expensive floral arrangement paid for by my Uncle Steve (“For these types of things you call the professionals”). More tears from me—and the funeral director told what amounted to an anecdote about his own mother’s passing as a way to lighten the mood. Later, Jonah would ask, “You think he tells the same story at every funeral?”

He probably does tell the same story. Because it’s always the same story. Loss is loss. Grief is grief. He can tell us all about how it will only be “a little while—hopefully not too soon! (haha)” before we see our loved one again in the metaphysical afterlife, but, believers or non-believers, it does not take away the pain of the present moment.

Even so, the funeral was over, and it was time to pack up the cars full of flowers and photo albums and an urn, and head over to Q’s for the reception, where the menu was Italian-American to the max, including what my vegetarian brother described, accurately, as a “meat salad.”

The remainder of the days in Chicago were for hanging out. Being together. One-by-one, people flew home, and I stayed until Tuesday so that this “hanging out” would not be rushed. My cousin Jeremy took Friday and Monday off work, as far as I could tell, just to hang out with me. In many ways, this trip was an extension of my summer trip back to the U.S. No matter how far I fling myself out in the world, the Great Magnet always reels me in, back to Chicago, back to Oregon, back to the Rocky Mountain West, back to the Pacific Ocean, back to Doug fir trees, sand dunes, and the coastal river valleys, where campfire smoke always drifts downwind, and where an ageless youth laughs out loud, in a cackle, at the glee and sheer terror of catching a crawdad.

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

The final half of December I spent with Ani as we celebrated the Christmas spirit at three locations throughout Transylvania, in Romania, each place unique. The first place, Sinaia, is known for its mountain peaks on all sides. We intended to go skiing, but the snow report stunk, so we went hiking instead. Then we moved on to Cund, a small, quiet village in what is known as the Saxon part of Romania, a place with a strong German heritage, and fortified churches. We sat by a roasting wood-stove, watched movies, and went on a meandering ridge-line hike in the mist. Finally we moved on to Sibiu, a small city that resembles a storybook German village than anything you typically find in Romania. They have one of the largest Christmas Markets in Eastern Europe, and it is exquisitely framed by a picture-postcard square, with buildings that have droopy eyelid windows in the roof, so it looks like you are being watched.

And, who knows, maybe we are being watched over.

There is much to be thankful for in the year 2019. For me, a solid job I am passionate about, a fiancée who sticks by my side through thick and thin, and the good health to still run my legs through the forest at a fast speed, rabid dogs notwithstanding.

There is so much to look forward to in 2020, up to and including:

In February, travel to Ethiopia, with a group of five other colleagues

In March, Ani’s cousin’s wedding, in Togliatti, Russia

In April, travel to Armenia, to visit my newly adopted motherland

In June, our family wedding in Sagres, Portugal

In July, a possible bike tour :))

I welcome this new decade, like a new chapter, with open arms.

#2020 #letter #2019 #reflection on a year #requiem #longread

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regulardomainname · 6 years ago

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Why It’s Hard To Keep Up With Technology

The pace of technological innovation grows faster with every passing year. Seemingly futuristic innovations have been consigned to history within a decade of their launch in favor of more sophisticated offerings. Over the last couple of decades, we’ve seen the rise of social media, streaming media, search engines, and SEO, tablets and smartphones, ecommerce, online gaming, cryptocurrencies, cloud hosting, and virtual servers. Entire market segments have come and gone since 2000 – MP3s, the dot-com sector and Geocities/MySpace pages. Millennial tech giants including BlackBerry, Nokia, and Friends Reunited faded out of the spotlight, replaced by newer industry disruptors like Honor and Facebook. Today, there’s excited talk of biometric identification, self-driving cars, and ultra-fast 5G connectivity. It’s even rumored that the family of 2030 might even benefit from self-cleaning fabrics, hydroponic kitchen units, and nerve-stimulating VR implants. Or not – who knows? Tomorrow’s world This latter point defines the biggest problem many people have with technology. It’s getting harder to keep up with the disruptive technologies already in our homes, let alone with prototypes at CES (Consumer Electronics Show). Samsung is now pushing 8K televisions, yet there’s hardly any 4K content to watch. Huawei is marketing a four-camera smartphone which splices together separate color and black-and-white images – as if anyone posting a picture of their breakfast on Instagram really cares. Modern technology is outpacing our ability to understand or even appreciate it, let alone use it. And all the while, the environmental impact of plastic consumption and water pollution becomes harder to ignore – potentially sparking unprecedented changes to the way we harvest our planet’s dwindling resources. Yet it’s still impossible to ignore the effect disruptive technologies are having on our lives, as the influence of Amazon and Google grows ever stronger. Back in 2000, who could have foreseen Alexa or SEO? Keeping pace with change A handful of simple steps may help you cut through the clutter, directing you towards disruptive technologies which will enhance your lives rather than detracting from them: 1. Identify where technology could be of value, or benefit. There’s no point investing in the latest advances if you don’t need them or fully understand them. However, if your teenage daughter keeps losing her house keys, a biometric door entry system makes perfect sense. Regular home workers and the self-employed should consider collaborative online workspace tools like Trello or Slack for project-based work, while cloud storage ensures documents are accessible to anyone, anywhere. 2. Look for relevant news in areas of interest. Daily updates keep you in the loop, whether you sign up to news aggregators or follow known influencers and pioneers on social media. Even obscure terminology will soon feel familiar, while trends quickly emerge. These aren’t always worth embracing – this time last year, bitcoin’s value was spiking amid the hysterical excitement. Since then, a tranche of bad news (not always reported in the mainstream press) has seen its very future called into question. 3. Look to simplify wherever possible. Technology becomes confusing if program A only works on device B, once it’s connected to peripheral C. Compatibility, is central to building an easier life. For instance, less technically-minded users often applaud the seamless synchronization between a suite of Apple devices. It’s vital to ensure Internet of Things devices will dovetail with existing virtual assistants or domestic hardware. 4. Trust impartial reviews. Avoid clickbait websites or sponsored posts. Instead, look for unbiased news/review outlets like the BBC, CNET and Buzzfeed Tech. These reputable outlets are staffed with knowledgeable reporters whose articles at least aim for balance and transparency. You can also trust Midphase and its sister brands UK2, WestHost, VPN and 100TB, as we will only promote products and services which we believe could genuinely benefit our customers. 5. Ask for help with setup and training. There’s no shame in saying “this is a bit confusing” when it comes to setting up disruptive technologies. There’s always going to be someone more knowledgeable than you. People like to be helpful and show off their expertise, while bribery might encourage friends, neighbors, colleagues or relatives to help out. Finally, if your issues are server, storage, or website-related, the team at Midphase is ready to offer jargon-free assistance at any time… Midphase hosts the tools you need in one user-friendly interface you don’t have to keep up with. See options today at Midphase.com. The post Why It’s Hard To Keep Up With Technology appeared first on The Midphase Blog. http://dlvr.it/QqHC8Y www.regulardomainname.com

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designstudiobciaranfill · 7 years ago

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INTERVIEW MP3 ON GOOGLE DRIVE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B3OIMNuvFGHiYmNXY0JpdmMzTms?usp=sharing

this link has the interview with both my parents which was a little more formal and I sat them down and recored it as apposed to just asking them whilst at home and shooting.

Some Highlights and good quotes to use in the book:

Mum:

we were so focused on getting gone and making a life for our family we didn't worry about anything else.

Dad:

like being a parent. if you havent been a step parent then you dot know what its like.

worked part time and someone worked full time. took time off to spend time with flynn when he was young. to develop that family unit

Mum:

“learnt to live on the smell of the oily rag.”

Me: How did having me change the dynamic?

Dad: “it changed things, made it more cohesive” excited that mum was pregnant

Mum: changed us from who we were to a cohesive family to a bound family.

Dad:

in Kate and Matt’s eyes it solidified our relationship

Kate had often hassled us about having a kid

Mum:

The hardest work we did. if anyone talked about step or half it was out the window, you were very much brother and sister. it was more difficult including Flynn, but he was here every holiday, we made sure we did things together going camping going on holiday going to auckland.

Hes always called Michele's dad granddad and micelles brothers and sisters aunty and uncle.

compared with our family mat and kate would never call their dad and their stepmom relationship a family

she loved having a young stepdad, good music and dressed cool.

they got the father that they always wanted to have

Dad:

what we did impacted two other familys - scott and hellen - debbie and rick

Mum:

felt that we had a deep connection already before we were married, but wanted to get married i felt it was really important.

Dad:

its more of a community thing than a religious thing

to make the commitment to one another formal , we committed to each other and you guys already, but it was important for us and you guys to show that we were.

Me: did it change the dynamic? I think it was neat to have everyone involved

Dad:

its more fun with your kids

when your younger your world is your friends but when you are a parent its your kids

to have it the was we wanted it to have it non denominational

Mum:

so many people helped us do, thats what made it fun

For me its all payed off - the commitment to each other and all the kids, and the decisions we've made have payed off. because we see you are all individuals but with a huge commitment to family and to one another. The fact that you all want to come home, means what we set out to do has worked. And that you are all fine adults that have huge respect for life, thats whats made it worth while. thats what its all about, friends and family. I feel like we’re blessed.

Dad always had this thing that we had missed out on something when he was away for university. When he tried to quit at the end of 4th year and sat down to tell the family we gave him so much shit. In other families he would have just come home and we would have accepted it.

I just remember we made that decision for him to go because it was going to be good for all of us, because you cant have people feeling unfulfilled in a family because it changes the whole dynamic.

He wrote me the proposal in the back of the book. I read the book and closed it without seeing proposal. he said did you read that book properly. I said i did. and he said are you sure? and it was very beautiful. I felt terrible i hadn't seen it.

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porchenclose10019 · 8 years ago

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Juggling with one hand: Leica M10 shooting experience

A slightly blurry jet-lagged elevator selfie, which - yes - I could have taken on an iPhone. At least I didn't add a fake film rebate...

Rangefinders are weird. The idea that superimposing a small ghostly image in the middle of a tunnel-type optical viewfinder is in any way superior to focusing with an SLR, (let alone using autofocus) is frankly bizarre, in this day and age.

In the digital world, a lot of people use the word 'rangefinder' rather lazily, to mean anything with a viewfinder positioned on the upper left of its back, but real rangefinders are uncommon. So uncommon, in fact, that Leica (the company which arguably perfected the technology) has made only ten substantially new cameras of this type since the mid 1950s.1

Grabbed quickly on my way back to my hotel on the new 35mm Summilux, this F2 snapshot isn't pin sharp but by the time I'd nailed focus, the dog had moved.

I've always had a soft spot for the M-series, but if I'm being honest, their appeal has always been at least as much romantic as practical. They're finely constructed, some of my favorite photographers used them, and they look beautiful. More so the film models, admittedly, but the M10 still retains a lot of the same aesthetic appeal as my all-time camera crush, the M6. Maybe I'm just shallow.

I also collect vinyl. Not because I believe it sounds better than CD or MP3 (it doesn't), but because I've always been a pops and crackles kind of guy, and when it comes down to it, I don't trust music that doesn't weigh something. If that makes me a hipster, I'll save you the bother of leaving a snarky comment and just admit it now.2

Speaking of music, I've heard it said that if you write a song on a banjo, and the song works, then it's probably a good song. The point of course being that because the banjo is so simple, and so limited an instrument compared to (say) the electric guitar, it forces the composer to focus on the essentials of structure and melody.

One of relatively few examples of successful zone focusing from my trip. I estimated subject distance at a little over 6 feet (one an a bit me's) and shot waist-level on the 35mm Summilux at F5.6 to give a small margin for focus error.

I can't play the banjo, but I feel much the same way about shooting with a rangefinder, compared to (say) a modern DSLR. It's a substantially less versatile tool, which forces me to slow down and think more about the photographs I take (and what kind of photographs I take). A day of shooting with the M10 can be very rewarding for this reason, but it can also be hugely frustrating. I've been spoiled by zoom lenses, autofocus and multi-zone metering for the better part of 20 years. At this point, shooting with a rangefinder, even a relatively sophisticated digital rangefinder like the M10, can feel a bit like trying to juggle with only one hand, and frequently did, on this trip.

"Who needs autofocus when you've got zone focusing?"

'Who needs autofocus when you've got zone focusing?' That's a comment I just read on the Internet. Who needs autofocus, you ask? I do, apparently, judging by the miserable hit-rate I achieved during my first experiments with zone focusing. To my credit, I did get better, but accurately estimating distance by eye is tricky, and takes practice.

A less successful example of zone focus, also taken with the 35mm Summilux. I like this shot, and on film I'd probably call it acceptably sharp, but it's not sharp enough for a DPReview sample gallery. My distance estimate was a bit off (the wall behind my subject is where the plane of focus has ended up) and it looks like a touch of camera-shake has crept in, too.

Here's a tip though - using their own height as a reference, most people can estimate distance roughly by imagining themselves lying down, and asking 'How many me's away is that person/thing?'

Try it now - it's OK, I'll wait.

See what I mean? Fortunately, I'm a simple, easy-to-visualize, boringly average, already-engraved-on-the-focus-ring 6ft in height, and that's about the right distance away for a lot of candid street portraits. Shooting in this way, I'd position the focus ring at 6ft, set a conservative aperture of around F5.6-8 to account for some slop, and bingo - things would usually end up more or less in focus.

Note my use of the word 'usually' and the term 'more or less'...

Nailed it. A successfully zone-focused F4 shot, taken in the same indoor market as the previous image. The small size and unobtrusive appearance of the M10 (once the ostentatious red dot has been taped over) tends not to draw much attention.

The last time I shot with a rangefinder for any length of time I was using an M3, usually loaded with black and white film. Truly accurate focus didn't bother me much, back then. Aside from anything else, being a 3-dimensional medium, film is very forgiving of minor focus errors. Not so the perfectly flat sensors inside digital cameras. And let me tell you, 10 years' subsequent training as a professional pixel-peeper (try saying that when you've been moderating comments all day) is hard to shake.

Working with the M10, one of the first things I had to get over was the learned fallacy that a shot is only worth keeping if the subject is exactly in focus. Maybe one day I'll be able to judge distance and framing with 100% accuracy when shooting from the waist, but I'm certainly not there yet. Until then, and for the sake of my own sanity, I'm trying to to concentrate a little more on caring a bit less.

Small and discreet

The M10 is small and discreet enough that often, you can snap quick moments without getting in anyone's way or attracting too much attention. But in order to do this, you've got to be quick. You can't standing there dumbly for ages like a second-rate living statue, fiddling with focus or exposure with the camera to your eye, or fretting over exact framing.

Often during my shooting, if the light was reasonably consistent I'd check accurate exposure using the built-in meter from time to time, but keep aperture, shutter speed and ISO locked. At this point, with the lens set to the hyperfocal distance for whatever aperture, taking a picture became a simple matter of raising the camera to my eye, and pressing the button.

One thing I've greatly enjoyed doing with the M10 is shooting with some classic lenses. This F4 portrait of my friend and frequent tour-guide Emi was shot on my 1950s Nikon 5cm F1.4 S.C., (still my all-time best junk shop find). While it's not in the same league as more modern optical designs, it's lovely for portraits. Just be aware of curvature of field...

The transition to pre-setting exposure and focus wasn't natural, (I'm a control freak, I suppose), but I found shooting like this with a 28mm Elmarit at F8, and either focusing hyperfocally or guestimating focus using the 'how many me's?' method to be quite freeing. It certainly made me much more agile.

In fact, sacrilegious as this might sound to some readers, I think that the M10 is at its best when used essentially as a point and shoot camera - for street photography at any rate.

Taken at F8 (possibly F11...) on the 28mm F2.8 Elmarit, this shot is one of a sequence of images taken at the lens's hyperfocal distance. Used in this way, the M10 basically becomes a point-and-shoot camera.

Speaking of 28mm, while I'm normally more of a 35mm fan, I found myself reaching into my bag for the wideangle frequently when shooting with the M10. Partly for the luxury of a bit more depth of field when shooting street scenes, and partly because I enjoyed being able to live inside the entire area of the M10's viewfinder. Although slightly improved compared to the Typ 240, it's still hard to see all four of the the 28mm framelines in a single glance, but given that the finder itself covers roughly a 28mm field of view, for the most part you can just ignore the framelines completely.

Another hyperfocal shot taken with the Elmarit 28mm, I waited as this group of people descended the staircase, and took a series of images. This one is my favorite.

When the M10 is used like this, photography becomes a very immersive experience. The finder is brighter and more natural than an SLR's ground-glass projection, and much more immediate than even the best electronic viewfinder. The 28mm F2.8 Elmarit is tiny, too, and without a hood attached, it does not occlude the finder. Even the premium 35mm F1.4 Summilux is a small lens by DSLR standards. Having that kind of quality in a compact, unobtrusive full-frame package happens to be one of the few unequivocal arguments in favor of rangefinder cameras in the 21st Century, and one that is made loudly (and justifiably) by Leica fans today.

One of the reasons I enjoyed shooting with the M10 so much when traveling is that I'm getting old, and I really don't like having a lot of weight hanging around my neck when I'm out and about. I walked almost 70 miles in 3 days in Tokyo and Kyoto, and that would have been miserable with a full-frame DSLR and equivalent lens outfit. My back hurts enough already.

Some observations:

When I was in Kyoto, the M10 got pretty soaked, repeatedly, and continued to work perfectly. Your experience may vary.

Battery life is fine. It's not something you need to worry about. You can easily get 500 shots on a single charge if you're not using live view all the time.

Connecting a Leica rangefinder to my phone to view and upload images felt very odd, somehow, but worked well enough.

If nothing else, I sincerely wish the M10 had some kind of horizon level guide. I swear I have one leg longer than the other.

The M10's long startup time had less practical effect on my photography than I expected, but I did miss a few shots.

Aspherics aren't everything. The Minolta M-Rokkor 40mm F2 is a superb little lens, if you can live with the inaccurate frame-lines in the M10's viewfinder.

Someone commented on my gallery of samples recently to the effect that 'in Japan you can't miss', but I assure you, you can miss. And I know that because I did miss - a lot.

Several times I raised the M10 to my eye and tried to take a shot, forgetting the camera was turned off, and in the ~1.5 seconds it takes to power up, the scene had changed and the moment had passed. One day, it seemed as if I had the wrong lens mounted the entire day. Every time I switched lenses I'd see a shot that would have worked perfectly with the previous lens, and by the time I'd changed back, once again the moment had gone.

On a murky day in Kyoto3 I apparently forgot everything I'd ever learned about metering, and had to push each of my Raw files by at least +1EV in Lightroom to even see what it was I had tried to capture. A humbling experience, to say the least.

Rangefinder focusing is tricky, but newer Leica lenses (like the 35mm F1.4 Summilux) have impressively little curvature of field. What this means in practical terms is that provided your subject doesn't move, it is possible - with practise - to focus and recompose, even at wide apertures. This portrait (which I've cropped a little) was shot in a moving train at F2.8.

Despite offering automatic exposure, live view and all the rest, the M10 doesn't make life easy for a photographer who's not used to rangefinder shooting. It definitely provides the smoothest operational experience of any digital M-series I've used to date (although our sample does have a habit of crashing from time to time during image review) but the simple fact of the matter is that as I said in the first sentence of this article, rangefinders are weird.

"I would have come back from Japan with more in-focus, correctly-framed shots had I traveled with a DSLR"

Off-center focusing is tricky (there's a reason why a lot of well-known shallow dof images captured on Leicas have their main subject positioned in the center of the frame) and when shooting using the optical finder, framing might charitably be described as 'approximate' 4. Off-the-curtain center-weighted metering takes some mastering, too.

Without question, I would have come back from Japan with more in-focus, correctly-framed shots had I traveled with a DSLR. I'm not afraid to admit it. But at the end of the day, would I have had as much fun? I doubt it - and I certainly wouldn't have thought as much about my process.

1 I'm being pretty strict about omitting sub-variants in that total. The M6 spawned a bazillion special editions for example, most of which I can only assume still languish unused in dentists' safes, and given that it's essentially just a (slightly) modernised M3, I'm hesitant to call the fully-mechanical M-A a 'substantially new camera'. An argument could be made that the Monochroms deserve their own appellation but I'll leave that to the pedants to decide.

2 Although I would like to lobby for a general Internet policy whereby terms can only be used as insults when the thrower of the insult understands what the term means, and - ideally - when the term itself actually means something to start with. Who's with me?

3 This article was actually called 'The Kyoto Photo-call' for about five minutes, before Allison made me change it.

4 Personally, I find shooting with anything longer than 50mm on a rangefinder to be very frustrating, for this reason.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2mn0Y8C

#DIYS

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rtawngs20815 · 8 years ago