#life is going fine otherwise?? i'm just fatigued but what else is new

[qilingxiong]

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[gaycrystalfemme]

Power Couple

Chapter 2: Flashbacks

I can't wait forever.

With that thought, Blue got distracted from finishing the last article of the thick law book she had been studying. She'll be taking the bar exam in a few weeks and getting held up over such irrelevant thoughts were detrimental.

Bzzzzzt!

Her phone vibrated. A message. It read:

"Honey, your whereabouts? I'm at the Stardusk café, currently. Would you care to join me?"

Blue started dialing Yellow's number. Before it was answered, Blue gently cleared her throat and adjusted her voice to a whisper. "Yellow. Yes, darling, I... Oh. Yes, as of the moment, I am at the library. I'd love to join you but what time will you be.. Oh. Yes, okay."

Yellow. She had fancied Yellow for the longest time since they were younger. And yes they were both female, but that did not deter her from harboring romantic feelings towards Yellow.

Not straight, huh? Oh, but there is no other way. There is no one else I'd be with if not my Yellow!

Blue would have this dialogue in her head every time she found herself questioning her feelings for Yellow. A glorious day it was when Yellow finally confessed. It was one of Blue's most prized memories.

~ ~ ~

Years Ago

"Blue, I.. Can we speak after etiquette class?"

Summer time, it was supposed to be leisure time for normal kids. But they were not normal kids. They were members of the handful elite.

Young Yellow is studying culture, languages, and etiquette over the summer. Her friend, Blue, is also doing the same. They were in different classes though.

They spend the few months at a prestigious academy, known only to the very wealthy, honing and learning new skills. However, what mattered most was their status, their image, the expansion of their empires, their ability to lead. They had to be perfect.

Blue could not concentrate. Ra, La, or was it Fa? She was looking at Chinese characters but nothing seems to click in her head aside from what Yellow left open-ended earlier.

What is she going to tell me? Could it be that she has a boyfriend I don't know about? Did she agree to date the guy who owns the winery? Or the son of the owner of the Yacht club? Or worse, could White have set her up with a groom of her choosing?? Should I confess my.. Oh my lord, what am I gonna do?!

Over the years of befriending and getting to know Yellow, Blue gradually saw her as more than a mere friend. She began seeing Yellow in a romantic light. Perhaps due to their conversations, maybe their shared appreciation in fashion, maybe Yellow's hidden compassion.

One time, Yellow shared her juice box with Blue just because she knew Blue loved that so much. From then on, Blue felt a spark. It's like she's a person and not just some elite being. An equal to Yellow. On other occasions, Yellow would touch her shoulder or her back as a sign of camaraderie, and she'd have thoughts of their hands intertwining. Before she knew it she was secretly pining over Yellow.

By the bench at the school park, Yellow was seated waiting for Blue. She was usually stiff and serious even at a young age, but today she was obviously restless and sweating.

"Yellow, have you been waiting long? Sorry, I just got out of language class. I came as fast as I could."

"It's fine, Blue. Let's.. walk, shall we?"

Blue was nervous herself. Both of them walking side by side but awkwardly. Yet neither could take notice as they were both immersed in their own heads. There was an unspoken presence between them. Doubts, fears, uncertainties, feelings..

"Blue, I.."

They had been walking for a while, perhaps about thirty minutes, until they stopped in an empty and secluded patch in their academy. Since only very few enrolled during the summer, it seemed like the place was entirely theirs. Yellow held Blue's hand and, with all her might, looked Blue in the eyes.

"Blue, I have.." Yellow gripped Blue's hand tighter.

"Yellow? What.. What are you trying to say?" Blue's chest tightened with Yellow's grip. Flutter, uncertainty, confusion: all at once.

Yellow could no longer contain herself. She was always the type to attack. At that moment, she deemed words would be insufficient. She decided, instead, for a grand approach.

With her right hand still holding Blue's, Yellow stationed her other hand at Blue's shoulder for anchor. She pulled her subtly trembling body towards Blue. Their faces had never been this close. So close, she could smell Blue's breath and their noses could touch. Yellow closed her eyes and softly, for the first time, kissed Blue in the lips.

"Blue, I've.. I have feelings for you! And if this.. information would terminate our friendship, then so be it."

"Yellow.."

Blue was undeniably shocked with what just transpired. It took a few moments before she could grasp the situation.

"I feel the same, Yellow. For the longest time! I'm beyond the stars just knowing you feel the same way for me!"

"Blue, would you mind if we be exclusive?"

"I.. I love you, Yellow!" Blue sloppily and ungracefully lunged towards Yellow's face and sealed her response with an inexperienced kiss.

~ ~ ~

At the Stardusk Café

Where the hell is Blue?!

Yellow grew impatient by the second. Her temper was easily thrown off the window. Sometimes it was her weakness, sometimes her strength. She tried her best to manage it though, especially whenever the situation involved Blue.

While Blue was busy with the upcoming bar exam, Yellow was busy negotiating with various clients. She was expanding her business in Asia. And though they had been together for a while, it had become more difficult to see each other. Especially since they were building and expanding their careers.

Yellow's hotheadedness was mainly caused by the excitement and frustration to see her darling, Blue. She wanted to see her, to be with her. But there was too little time.

"Honey," Blue had finally arrived. Yellow's temper melted with the sight of Blue.

"Blue, you took long enough."

"What?! You told me eight. And it's just five minutes before eight! Pearl drove as fast as she could. Anyway, can we eat somewhere? All the studying left me famished."

"Okay, Blue. But I need to get home by ten. Ten thirty at most. I'll be meeting a client early tomorrow. You know, with Mr. Cho. It's a make or break for the company, so.."

"Yes, darling. I get it. I have to be early too. I'll be speaking with the current chief executive lawyer of the firm and review a few contracts so the turn over would be smooth once I pass the exam."

"Yes, of course."

They steadfastly left the café and went to dinner at the nearest fancy restaurant. After dinner, it was already past ten. So in compliance to Yellow's assigned curfew, they decided to go home. Yellow's assistant was driving them as Blue sent hers earlier after dropping her at Stardusk.

First route was to drop Blue off, then to Yellow's house. In the backseat of Yellow's gold car, Blue closed her eyes and rested her head on Yellow's shoulder. Yellow held Blue's hand.

"Yellow, this is becoming more difficult. We barely see each other and when we do it's always in a haste."

Sigh. "I know, darling. But that's how it's supposed to be. We both have huge responsibilities."

"But maybe we don't have to haste every time. Maybe we could still be influential figures to society and still have time for ourselves. Yellow I want to spend more time with you."

Yellow kissed Blue's hair, "What are you suggesting?"

"You might think I'm silly but.. I want to marry you, Yellow! I want to be married to you, I want you to be my wife. I've thought about this and probably we can get to spend more time at least. You would come home to me, I'd come home to you. Life would be.. perfect."

Blue had sounded casual even if she may have wanted to inject more emotion to what she had just confessed. She had began to feel the fatigue of the day's work.

"Are you out of your mind?!"

Yellow was in awe with what she just heard. Gently she pulled Blue away from her shoulder so they could face each other. It was obvious in her face that she was blushing.

"Are you suggesting.. we get married, Blue?!"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Of.. of course. That is unheard of!"

"But Yellow, it isn't. You know that. I don't suppose you enjoy our quick dates, do you? And what are we after this? It feels like we're just dating. For the next eternity, will we still be just dating? I want to be your wife! Do you not see that?"

Blue now all fired up with frustration from Yellow's response. She thought Yellow would want the same. It seems otherwise.

"Sorry if I lashed out like that. I'm.. I'm just.. tired," Blue submitted to defeat.

"No, Blue. Don't be. I'm sorry. Please know, I do want to be married to you too. We'll have to plan this, however."

"Yes, I know."

They arrived at Blue's mansion. As they approached the driveway, Blue tidied herself a bit before alighting the gold vehicle. There was a certain weight in the air from what they had just discussed.

She pecked Yellow goodbye but before she could turn away, Yellow whispered softly to her, "Blue, I.. I want to.. touch you."

"Oh. Then, uh, come. Stay with me tonight," she smiled softly but tiredly.

"Pearl, go home. I'll call you tomorrow when I need you. Be up early." Yellow took off with Blue, taking her fancy purse and laptop bag.

"Yes, Ms. Diamond." With that command, Yellow's assistant drove home without her.

"Do you have everything you need, honey? Paperworks? Contracts? Mr. Cho, tomorrow?"

"I believe everything is here," Yellow subtly tapped her laptop bag. "I'll just have Pearl bring whatever I left, if there is any. Perhaps a set of clothes! Is.. is it okay if I stay tonight? I feel like we need to.. talk."

"Pfft! You know it's fine."

This wasn't the like usual nights they'd have. Usually these quick dates would end up where they both go home separately. Occasionally, they'd come home to one's home and spend the night. But when and if they do, it had to be scheduled. Finding time for such an activity weren't as easy given the things they have to deal with on a daily basis.

Yellow suddenly felt the urge for Blue. Perhaps due to the pressure of her company's expansion. Perhaps due to Blue's upcoming bar exam. Or probably due to the marriage bomb Blue had just dropped earlier in the car. She wanted them to connect physically that night.

They both started making out and undressing each other once they reached the master bedroom. They couldn't stop touching and kissing each other. Not being able to do this for a while had its perks. They took a bath together, and, after doing so navigated to the bed.

Now, the only universe that mattered was theirs. They melted into each other's love and smooches and caresses. They moaned and screamed like there was no one else in the world. Blue had particularly felt like being on top was appropriate that night, so she took the role and made Yellow feel ecstatic beyond the heavens. After Yellow reached her peak, she made Blue feel heavenly as well. From the moment they reached Blue's room, it took probably two or three hours before they both finished.

Panting, both now sweating and were facing one another. Yellow cuppped Blue's cheek and softly kissed her.

"Blue. Let's.. get married."

"Yellow I thought-"

"Everything you said earlier in the car, I want that too! To come home to you and you to me, yes, I would love to be able to do that. I've always loved you, Blue. I don't think I can ever be with anyone else! Please, will you be my wife?"

"Yellow, I.. Yes! Of course!" Blue bursted in tears, but that of joy. Happiness she couldn't contain.

Yellow pulled Blue closer to encapsulate her in the warmest most loving hug. "It's settled then. We'll only hire the best."

A wedding was on the way.

Mrs. Diamonds. It sounded perfect for them both.

[mental-health-advice]

I've been stressed (and maybe having anxiety) for about a month, on and off, somedays it just doesn't show, others are a bit harder to handle. I've gotten some bad news (aka bad grades) on thursday and I spent the whole weekend crying. Friday wasn't a good day, saturday was a fine day (about 80% good, was feeling normal but a bit weird) but today (sunday) I woke up super sad. I cried a lot and now I'm feeling normal, not sad at all. What can I do when I wake up sad?

Hi love,

Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA! I’m really sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much lately.

School creates an enormous amount of stress for students which can obviously cause issues with self-esteem and the like. Try to take at least a couple of hours away from work everyday and fill that time with things you enjoy, like maybe baking, or exercise? Whatever it is, it is necessary to give yourself a break from the pressure of school and allow yourself to recharge with some positive energy. It is key to take breaks when studying too, otherwise you will begin feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Professors recommend that you should only study for 60-90 minutes at a time, taking at least 10 minutes break in between (take longer off if you need to!). In that free time try to do something that doesn’t involve too much brain power but preferably involves being active; maybe going downstairs and making a cup of tea, dace around your bedroom to your favourite song. Please do try to remember that your health and happiness always come before your education – you are more important than some grades here.

It is also important to note that these symptoms may be caused by some form of mental health condition. We are not professionals so we cannot diagnose you, and we discourage self diagnosis for the reasons listed here, but these are two very common symptoms of depression; anxiety is often related to depression and it is common to suffer from both. Do you think any of the following symptoms apply to you too?

Persistently sad, anxious, or empty moods

Loss of pleasure in usual activities

Fatigue or decreased energy

Sleep disturbances

Change in appetite or weight

Thoughts of suicide or death, or suicide attempts

Poor self-image or self-esteem

(source)

If you feel you relate to any of the above symptoms then a good step would be to speak to a professional, such as your doctor or a therapist. They will be able to help with a diagnosis, if applicable, and will start treatment with you. They will also help you to begin understanding what is causing these feelings, or lack of, and hopefully give you so coping mechanisms which you can apply to your daily life. I know reaching out for help can be really scary, but you deserve all of the help available to you, lovely. Here is a link to our page about getting help. Professionals are there to help you in any way they can, they won’t judge you, or make you do or tell them anything you don’t want to.

I’m just wondering if you have considered talking to any of your teachers about the stress you are experiencing and anything that you think they may be able to do to help? I find it helpful to remember that it is completely up to you how much you decide to share with the person you choose to disclose information to; so you could just tell them that you are struggling a little with motivation, or just struggling due to personal circumstances. Or you could choose to tell them everything. It is completely up to you, and for me that definitely helps me feel a little more in control! When it comes to actually talking to someone, maybe it is best to first talk to the teacher that you trust the most and feel most comfortable with - after that they may be able to help you discuss things with other staff and help you start getting measures put in place.  If you are worried about saying things aloud and forgetting things that you want to say, you could always write down everything that you think is important such as symptoms, feelings, thoughts you are having. Then you can either use it as a way to remind yourself of the things you want to say, or you could just give it to your teacher for them to read; it just helps to take some of the pressure off your shoulders. However, I also completely understand if this is not something that you want to share with anyone at your educational facility, there is no pressure to do so!

To answer your question about what to do when you are feeling sad, this will be different for everyone, but it is all about doing things that make you feel a sense of achievement and happiness. So sometimes for me, if I wake up feeling really sad and my house is untidy, I will spend time cleaning the house, and whilst cleaning itself can be therapeutic, seeing the end result of a nice tidy helps me to feel proud of something I have done. Similar to this, you could write out a list of all the things you like about yourself and things that you are proud of like achievements etc; once you have this list, try to carry it with you at all times, then whenever you are feeling sad you can look at this list and see all of the fantastic things about yourself which will hopefully help to raise your spirits.��Next is to make sure you are taking good care of yourself. So this involves things like staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and eating healthily. Personally I do think there is a certain amount of truth to the saying ‘healthy body, healthy mind’ – if you are already feeling a bit low due to not taking the time to look after yourself, it is likely that it will make your anxious and negative thoughts worse. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself and fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and happy. For example, I take a couple of hours before I head to bed and I like to fill that time with art and music; I also use that time to look after my skin and hair just so I physically feel a little better. Also making plans with your friends could be really beneficial; sometimes when we feel sad we just want to be alone but this can make us feel more alone and isolated.

Journalling - writing about your day and taking the time to reflect on the things you have done can be a great way to help you recognise the good impact you are having in peoples lives, in turn improving your own self worth and happiness. Something I also encourage is every day, when you write in your journal, is to finish the following sentences:

1) Today I accomplished…2) I felt proud because…3) I felt good about myself when…

I know it can sound a little silly but many of us forget to give ourselves credit for the little things we do each day, and it can be really beneficial to take the time to acknowledge them when we are trying to improve happiness. Another little thing you can try is getting your friends and family to help you to write a list of all the reasons that they love you and that you are a good person; keep the list, make it pretty, and look at it everyday to remind yourself that you have so much worth and goodness in you!

Something I really want to make clear, is that you always come before education! Your health is so much more important than some grades. You can be incredibly successful with or without a degree, and you can be successful if you get 100% or 0% on an exam - success is more about your passion and drive for your career than about a few letters on a piece of paper. You are going to get so far in life, lovely, and I will be here cheering you on all the way! Your grades do not define you!

I hope this has been of some help and reassurance to you, love. Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else that we can help you with. 

‘‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight.’‘

Take care,

Rhiann xo