#life happened and im swept under the currents augh

[sallowedbethyname]

[sebastian sallow x mc] to be home, to be loved ch.3

excerpt:

Ominis Gaunt arrived seven days after you and Sebastian had settled in Professor Fig's house. He was dressed in black from head to toe and there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Still, when Sebastian opened the door and Ominis sensed his best friend and you, relief washed over him. Pale face brightened up, taut shoulders grew slack, as if a huge weight had been lifted off his back.

tags: found family, friends to lovers, characters will age, eventual smut, child abuse

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Ominis Gaunt arrived seven days after you and Sebastian had settled in Professor Fig's house. He was dressed in black from head to toe and there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Still, when Sebastian opened the door and Ominis sensed his best friend and you, relief washed over him. Pale face brightened up, taut shoulders grew slack, as if a huge weight had been lifted off his back. 

“Hello, you two, glad I didn't end up in the wrong house.”

Sebastian grinned. “Good to see you again, Ominis.”

You opened the door wider for him. “Come in, Ominis, we've been waiting for you.”

Slowly, the blond-haired boy stepped into the house, halting just after a few steps inside. You looked at him curiously, wondering why he hesitated. 

“This house feels warm,” Ominis murmured. “And welcoming.”

Your eyes widened ever so slightly. “It is, isn't it? It's what I felt, too, the first time I came here,” you softly said. “Ah, your room is upstairs. It's the largest in this house. Sebastian had been generous.”

“No more sleeping in the same bed, Ominis. Ain't that fun?” 

The blond boy smiled. “What a pleasant surprise. I can sleep peacefully knowing I no longer need to hear your snores.”

“Hey! I didn't snore!” Sebastian protested, his face reddening as he turned to you. “You've never heard of me snoring, did you?”

You tried to stifle a laugh. “Well, no…”

“See? I told you!”

“But I am a heavy sleeper and we slept on different floors, so… I don't know, maybe you do snore but I didn't hear it, Sebastian.”

“No, nope, you can't pull that on me. If you didn't hear anything, then I didn't snore. And don't forget how you slept soundly on our first night here,” the brown haired boy retorted defensively. 

No longer able to hold back yourself, you threw your head back and laughed, the sound rang pleasantly across the living room. You couldn't help it, Sebastian was just too fun to tease. 

“What happened on your first night here?” Ominis curiously asked. 

“Neither of us could sleep so we read some books in the living room and fell asleep there,” you explained. 

“Oh,” the blond haired boy hummed, a thoughtful expression settled on his face. 

“Ugh, instead of bullying me, why don't we go to your room, Ominis? Unless you don't want it, which I'll gladly take,” Sebastian spoke, still pouting. 

“There's nothing more dishonorable than someone who goes back on their words,” Ominis sighed. 

After a few more banter, the three of you finally climbed up the stairs to the second floor. Hobbs dutifully followed behind, using his magic to make Ominis' belonging float and follow their owner into the room. Much to your relief, Ominis seemed to be satisfied with his accommodation. A soft smile bloomed on his lips, followed by an appreciative nod, after he spent a few seconds standing in the middle of the room, his almost sentient wand stretched out and emanated the usual crimson glow. 

“This is a good place, thank you.”

*

Professor Fig's house became a lot livelier since Ominis' arrival, mostly thanks to his bickering with Sebastian. They did it almost all the time and you treated it as free entertainment, switching sides every now and then depending on how interesting the topic was and whose opinion resonated the most with you. They'd bicker about school, about which was worse — bubotuber pus or troll booger, about the feasibility of owning a pet niffler, and so on, and so forth. 

“You need to learn to pick a side,” Sebastian said one day, as the three of you went out and took a walk along the small creek near the house. “This morning, you supported me, but then you were Ominis' most passionate supporter by lunchtime. Disloyalty is a bad trait, you know.”

“I am simply a humble critical audience. It is bad to blindly accept anything that was given to you without critical thinking, you know,” you replied lightly.

“In other words, you have terrible opinions,” Ominis piped in. 

“Great people don't become great by conforming to the standards of society,” Sebastian retorted, kicking a small pebble that fell into the river with a satisfying wet sound. 

You let out a laugh, slowing your steps while the two boys continued walking and arguing to themselves. Something warm spread in your chest as you watched the two of them walk side by side, shoulders brushing occasionally and still very much engrossed in their conversation. Faintly, you wondered if this was what they were like before. If it was, then you were glad they could have a semblance of normalcy back. Heaven knew both of them needed it. 

The long walk led you to a small green field. It wasn't anything impressive, but green enough that the three of you decided to lay down on the grass and watch as the pure white clouds passed you by. Soon, you and Sebastian began to bicker about the shapes of clouds in the sky, with Ominis giving dry comments every once in a while, before the conversation halted to a stop. 

Silence stretched for a while as you enjoyed the breeze, the smell of the grass and river, and the sound of chirping birds. You thought you could drift away to sleep like this and you wondered, it wouldn't be so bad if you never woke up.

And that caused you to open your eyes, surprised by what you were thinking. 

“I'm thinking of finally visiting Professor Fig's grave,” you finally spoke, announcing your plans to your friends.

Sebastian's eyes snapped open and Ominis turned his face to your direction.

“You hadn't visited him at all?” the blond haired boy asked.

“No, I… I wasn't ready.”

“We can go with you if you want,” Sebastian offered. “Three is better than one, don't you think?”

You had never considered visiting your mentor's grave with Sebastian and Ominis. Neither of them were close enough to the late Professor and you were more worried about them feeling awkward as you cried your eyes out in front of the grave. But perhaps… it wasn't such a bad idea. It would be nice to have friends by your side while you did something daunting. 

“I'd like that,” you finally said, smiling. “Perhaps next week? I still think I need more time.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

*

Eleazar Fig was laid to rest in a public cemetery not too far from his house. His grave was on the right side of the cemetery, seven rows from the entrance gate, right next to Miriam Fig. 

As promised, Sebastian and Ominis went along with you, the two boys flanking your side as you stood before the grave. 

You had expected many things, to be honest. Had imagined that you'd break down into tears as soon as you arrived. Had prepared a speech or a prayer you'd deliver to your mentor and his wife. But now, as you traced the carvings upon the tombstones, you felt… nothing. 

You figured your brain was struggling to equate this gray stone grave to your professor. Once again having trouble that he was truly gone and you could no longer hear his wise counsel. Such a strange thing, death, you thought with the inevitability of it all, it'd be easier to comprehend, to accept. But it didn't. 

The silence continued to stretch. You lifted up your wand and tried to cast a spell you taught yourself before school ended. Softly, you whispered it to the wind and a single white rose began to materialize, followed by other buds, stems, and leaves. The roses began to gather, forming a simple little bouquet wrapped in paper wrapping. Carefully, you brought the bouquet to your nose, relishing the smell, before lowering it to Fig's grave. 

“Hello, Professor, it's been a while.”

The words felt foreign in your mouth. Pretentious and out of place, because neither Fig nor his grave could hear you and be moved by your greetings. So who were you talking to? What was the point, if neither the sentiment nor feelings could reach the person you intended? 

You didn't realize that your breathing had become shallow and hurried. Your knees buckled, eager to run back home. 

But then, Ominis did something you didn't expect. 

He lifted up his wand and conjured a bouquet of gardenias. You could only watch in silence as the bouquet floated mid-air before it descended right next to yours. Not a moment later, Sebastian did the same thing. This time, a white daffodil bouquet. They all laid side by side right below Professor Fig and Miriam’s tombstones. The white petals brushed against their names.

“Thank you. I… I know I should say something but I just couldn't,” you admitted in embarrassment. “Can we sit here for a while instead?”

“Of course! You don't even need to ask,” Sebastian said in surprise. “We can stay here for as long as you need.”

Once again, a huge wave of gratitude washed over you, almost big enough to bring tears to your eyes. But you stubbornly held on. The three of you then sat together in front of the grave, shoulders brushing against each other to protect yourselves from the cool wind. 

“Sorry, I reckon a cemetery isn't exactly the best place to hang out.”

Sebastian let out a chuckle. “You're saying that as if we didn't spend most of our time exploring decrepit ruins, goblin factories, and catacombs.”

“Sebastian's right. You're never one to be conventional.”

That caused you to laugh. “It wasn't up to me! I very much prefer exploring flower fields.”

“I’d give it five minutes before you're raring to go back to the Forbidden Forest to find buried treasures.”

“Oh, hush, Sebastian.”

More laughter. You noticed Ominis tracing the edges of Fig's grave with his fingers, as if studying the shape and texture. 

“This is nice,” the blond-haired boy quietly said. “My aunt Noctua, she… My family wasn't really interested in holding a proper burial for her, so… last week, I decided to make some sort of a memorial for her in a secluded corner in my garden. To this date… I still couldn't give her a proper eulogy.”

You kept your gaze at Ominis as he spoke, holding onto every word. It was then you were reminded of how death had been present among both you and your friends. You turned to look at Sebastian, who had been staring at the grave with an unreadable expression on his face. 

Sensing your gaze, he looked at you and smiled. “I don't think my uncle would've appreciated me giving him a speech, let alone visiting his grave.”

“Merlin…” you muttered under your breath. “What is it with us and our families, or lack thereof…” 

You furrowed your eyebrows as a sudden heaviness settled on your chest, weighing you down. 

“Things like this are more common than they should, as unfortunate as it sounds,” Ominis said with a rueful smile on his face. 

“You know, I…” you stammered, trying, despite the great difficulty, to get the words out. “I've always dreamed of having a family. A mother, a father, perhaps also a sister and a brother. God, I've always wanted a sister…”

You paused when your voice began to shake and you could almost feel the burn in your eyes. But you took a deep, steadying breath, still trying as best as you could not to cry. 

“But when you've lived all your life in a sad, dilapidated orphanage where more children came instead of being adopted… growing older and older each year, watching as others were chosen instead of you, you would… you'd… you'd give up that dream altogether…” 

You took another breath, the first drop of tear started to roll down your cheek. And another. And yet still, stubbornly, you tried to preserve your dignity. Still, you tried to hold back. You didn't know why you did it, unable to find the reason behind your aversion to letting your friends see you cry, but you couldn't resist the urge. You couldn't help but hold yourself back. 

“But then the letter… Professor Fig's letter…” a sob tore its way out of your throat and you closed your eyes. Your shoulder began to shake as you remembered your deceased mentor’s face. The patience in his guidance. The encouragement you had never received before. “It is so, so cruel. I… I had never known that my dream was so— so close. It was almost within my grasp and… I would've had… would've had a— a father if he… if he—”

You couldn't take it anymore. You broke down. Wept into your hands as the grief you'd held back for so long finally wrecked your soul, tearing its way out of your shoulder, your spine, your chest. 

But then a hand, strong and steady, wrapped itself around your shoulders, pulling you to the left. Your face was met with Sebastian's shoulder as he held you closely and securely. Another hand touched your back. Ominis. And you cried there, burying your face in Sebastian's shoulder. You wept so hard you almost forgot to breathe, if it weren't for Ominis’ soft, soothing reminders. 

“He was… the first person that showed me kindness…” you sobbed. “I should've done more…”

“There's nothing you could've done!” Sebastian looked at you with surprise. “You told us everything happened so quickly. Ranrok came. The ceiling crumbled down. It was an accident… you… you can't blame yourself.”

“But if I had been quicker—”

“It wasn't your fault…” Ominis gently reminded you. “You've done the best you can, don't torture yourself with what-ifs.”

More tears rolled down your cheeks and you realized you had made Sebastian's shirt wet. Reluctantly, you pulled away and rubbed your eyes. 

“I've made a mess on your shirt, I'm sorry.”

The boy let out a sigh, a mixture of amusement and exasperation. “You really shouldn't worry about me right now, ace. I'm fine.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, biting your lip as you tried to stop yourself from crying again. You failed. You sobbed into your hands. 

“I'm sorry… I don't know why I can't stop, I—”

“You probably haven't quite given yourself the time to mourn for Professor Fig and it blew up on you now,” Ominis said in sympathy. 

“It's okay… just let it out.”

It took around fifteen minutes before you could finally stop crying. You could still go on, you knew, for the wound was still fresh. Yet you didn't want to trouble your friends any longer, so you wiped your tears away and took several deep breaths to calm yourself. 

“Thank you.”

“That's what friends are for, right?” Sebastian smiled.

Yet it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

*

Sebastian did not seem himself the next day and the day after that. He was quieter, his sarcastic and witty jabs were awfully weaker than they used to be, and whenever you and Ominis tried to include him in conversations, he would take a few seconds longer to respond, as if he hadn't been paying attention. 

His silence, you realized, was so… palpable. Perhaps it didn't help that Ominis had always been more reserved and the fact that the house was a bit too large for three sad teenagers and a house-elf made every absence of spoken words so obvious. 

By the third day, you decided you've had enough and, once again, you turned to Ominis for help. 

“I think he's grieving,” the boy said as the two of you sat on the back porch while Sebastian napped the afternoon away in his bedroom. 

“Anne?”

“...Naturally,” Ominis replied, though he didn't seem sure. His eyebrows were furrowed and he appeared to be deep in thought. “Although, I have a feeling he's also mourning his uncle.”

“Solomon?” you lowered your voice to a whisper. Cautiously, you looked back at the house, making sure that Sebastian was still asleep before scooting closer to Ominis. “To be honest, I've been thinking about that, too. The day we honored Professor Fig's passing in the Great Hall, he mentioned wishing the same could've been done to Solomon…”

“Our last visit to Feldcroft… he just stood over the grave, didn't say a word.”

“Well, what could he say?”

Ominis grimaced. “This situation is just so complicated. Too heavy. Solomon had never been nice to him, but he also…”

The blond boy let out a heavy sigh. 

“If you were Sebastian, how would you grieve?”

You stayed quiet, eyes staring at the bees buzzing above the pot of hydrangeas as you pondered Ominis' question. 

How do you mourn a person you hate? A person you've murdered?

The answer comes to mind much faster than you had liked. 

You don't. 

Suddenly, your hands and feet felt cold. You remembered the sea, the salt in the air, the rolling waves. You balled your hands into fists, nails digging painfully into the palm of your hands. 

“What are you doing? What's wrong?”

Ominis' voice pulled you back to earth, just like a drowning person being pulled back to the surface. 

“Nothing. I'm fine,” you lied. “I just… got a bit emotional.”

“...Huh,” the boy murmured with a strange look on his face. 

“A- at any rate… what if we just ask him?”

“What if he refused to talk?”

“I'm good with persuasion,” you responded. “And if he still refuses, we'll give him space but remind him that we're here for him, ready to listen.”

Ominis pondered over your words for a moment. “You know… sometimes I feel that you're too pure for this world.”

“What?” 

The boy shifted awkwardly as if regretting what he said. “It's just— each time you see a problem you itch to solve it, even if you don't have to.”

Hugging your knees close to your chest, you took a moment to answer. “I… feel like I really exist when I could be of help to other people.”

“Huh?” Ominis furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“I know, it's confusing, I just—”

But Ominis suddenly turned towards the direction of the house, looking alarmed. “Hush, Sebastian has woken up and is on his way here. Let's talk about something else.”

“Oh! Um—” you thought hard, glancing around your surroundings in panic. Your eyes stopped at the flowers. Immediately, you rambled. “Soo, each flower has its own meaning. Like the hydrangeas! It is said that they're a symbol of heartfelt emotion and apology. But daffodils, on the other hand, symbolizes rebirth, hope, and new beginnings—”

“What have you guys been up to?”

At Sebastian's voice, you turned around, pretending to be surprised. “Oh! Sebastian, you're awake.”

“She was explaining to me the different meanings of flowers… even though I don't know what flowers looked like,” Ominis answered. 

The realization struck you a moment too late and you could do nothing but let out an awkward, sheepish laugh. Sebastian stood at the doorway, his hair all messy from sleep and his eyes were staring at the two of you in curiosity. 

“You sure do pick interesting conversation topics when I'm not around.”

“Well, without you constantly rambling, we quickly ran out of things to talk about,” you replied with a small smile, hoping that the message would, somehow, get across. 

Sebastian's eyes widened ever so slightly. Then, he gave you a smug smile. 

“Are you saying you enjoy talking to me, ace?”

Your heart skipped a beat. “I didn't say that. Don't jump to conclusions.”

He let out a chuckle. “Whatever you say, ace. Whatever you say.”

*

The opportunity to talk to Sebastian presented itself two days later, when the three of you finally decided to sort through Professor Fig's belongings. It had been a long afternoon and you had lost count of how many objects, artifacts, and books you had sorted through, particularly because you and Sebastian kept getting distracted by the magical artifacts, trying to figure out their purpose and how they work. 

Eventually, the sun started to set and the three of you decided to call it a day. Dinner was served and everyone gorged on the delectable meal. Afterwards, the three of you sat side by side on the back porch, gazing at the stars, with a cup of hot chocolate in your hands. 

You decided to speak first.

“It's been a long day, isn't it?”

“I'm not protesting. Fig had so many peculiar items, it's fun going through them,” Sebastian replied with a soft chuckle.

“We could've finished two rooms if the two of you aren't so easily distracted,” Ominis spoke, amusement lacing his tone. “But it was quite the experience.”

“I'd rather we take a month to finish sorting through the items, if it meant we can study each of them.”

You held back a grimace. As much as you love magic, spending an entire month covered in dust and sifting through Professor Fig’s near-infinite amount of belonging wasn't something you'd love to do. Perhaps two weeks. You found that to be a bit more tolerable. 

Still, you straightened your back and managed a smile. “Yeah, we noticed. You've finally cheered up a little.”

Sebastian's eyes widened ever so slightly and for a split second, you could see it. The vulnerability flashing in his eyes. But he quickly masked it with a wide smile. 

“What are you talking about? I'm fine.”

“I've known you for over five years, Sebastian, I can tell when you're lying. Frankly, she can tell, as well,” Ominis said in a calm voice. 

You nodded. “Honestly, we're a bit worried, Sebastian. You don't need to keep everything bottled inside. We're here if you need to vent. Someone to listen to your problems and worries.”

Perhaps unused to the amount of worry directed to him, Sebastian began to shift uncomfortably. “I'm fine, though,” he insisted, still maintaining the smile on his lips. “Like I said, both of you needn't worry about me.”

“But of course we're going to be worried about you. You're our friend,” you said incredulously, eyebrows rising in surprise. “If you don't want to talk, we won't pry. But we'll always be with you if you need us. We've always managed to figure something out, haven't we?”

Sebastian stared at you with wide eyes, his breath hitching on his throat. “I—” he tried to come up with a reply. Perhaps a witty remark, perhaps an evasive joke. But the words you said had struck him to his core, hitting too close to home than what he preferred. 

And with worry etched all over your face, how could he deny you? 

A defeated, heavy sigh fell from his lips. He shifted his gaze from you to Ominis and smiled ruefully. “Honestly… aren't you doing too much?”

Ominis frowned. “What—”

“I killed my own uncle, remember?” Sebastian whispered. “My own sister left me for it but everyone else came to me, expressing their condolences. Professor Weasley, Garreth, Poppy, and Natty… the folks back in Feldcroft…”

The boy's freckled face contorted in pain, as if everything was too big and too paradoxical for him to comprehend. A concept too bizarre for him to grasp. His mouth opened and closed several times, but no voice came out as he didn't know what to say to properly put his feelings into words. Not when he himself was unable to understand and compartmentalize what he felt.

“You asked me what's bothering me, but I don't even know what I'm feeling most days. My head's a mess. My thoughts are like tangled threads in my head and I don't know how to sort them out.” 

The sight pained you, urging you to gingerly reach out to him, placing your hand on his shoulder. 

“We'll do it one by one,” you said. “Tell us everything, Sebastian, even if they made no sense. Even if they're a mess. We can take it.”

Sebastian drew in a sharp breath and buried his head in his hands. 

“I thought about Solomon,” he finally said and the words sounded like they were being punched out of his chest. Ragged and pained. “I keep remembering how he— how I…” the boy paused. Drew in a breath. “How Anne buried him all by herself. No memorial. And I… I wish he could have one. A proper funeral where people could bid farewell. He was… he was the one who took care of us all this time.”

He barked out a sardonic laugh, eyes wild as he stared at the starry sky. You opened your mouth to speak, but shook his head, squeezing your hand from behind Sebastian's back. Not yet. Not now. 

“But at the same time, isn't it strange? I… I hated that man. Always so angry, so full of rage. The smallest thing would set him off. Always sneering at me and telling me I'm too much like my father. Hah, he didn't even lift a finger to protect Feldcroft from the goblins even though he could. He gave up so quickly on Anne, always shooting down my attempts to cure her… at least I tried. I tried as hard as I could!” Sebastian gritted his teeth, his words dripping with venom. “I used to look forward to the day I left that dreadful house. I'd be free of him. But it turned out he still haunted me even after— everyone remembering him as some hero, some… some father figure… I know I deserved it but I… oh…”

Sebastian blinked, his fingers trembling as they touched the wetness in his cheeks. He didn't realize he had begun to cry. The boy shivered.  

“Sebastian…”

But the boy frowned, gritted his teeth, and wiped his tears away. 

“And Anne,” he said with a trembling voice, eyes red with unshed tears. “She was the only one I had left. I only wanted to see her happy. I'd do anything for my sister, you know I would— what I did is inexcusable, I know… but I was the only one who never gave up on her. I was the only one who kept trying… Yet still, she… she left. Wouldn't speak, wouldn't even look me in the eye. She abandoned me…”

As his rage and grief halted into silence, you and Ominis continued to wait, the only sound you could hear was Sebastian's heavy, ragged breathing. Even at this moment, he was still holding himself back. 

“You're probably thinking I'm irredeemable, aren't you?” Sebastian finally asked, his voice devoid of any feelings. 

You let out a heavy sigh. “No, Sebastian, you're not irredeemable,” you said in a low, quiet voice. “We wouldn't have prevented you from going into that place if you were.”

“...Maybe you should've,” he said. “Be honest with me, you can't seriously think I deserve… all this, can you? This normalcy, this… fresh start.”

“Condemn you to a life in Azkaban? Where the dementors suck all the happiness in you until you become nothing but an empty shell? Robbing you of any second chance to live and learn?” you hissed. “We could never do that to you.”

“Why couldn't you? You had every reason to,” Sebastian asked again, this time with a shakiness in his voice. 

“Because we care about you!” Ominis said sharply. “Sebastian, you're allowed to feel both sadness and bitterness towards Solomon and Anne, especially your uncle. Those feelings are not easy to bear, I know, trust me, I know how bad it is. I've been feeling the same way about my family for years, although the magnitude and situation may not be as similar to yours, but I understand how painful they are.”

Sebastian opened his mouth to argue, but Ominis cut him off. 

“No, listen to me for once. You can feel all of those feelings and even more all at once. Merlin knows how cruel life has been to you… But as to whether you're irredeemable or not, it depends on what you're planning to do now, does it not?”

“But I don't deserve it. Those genuine condolences, the help from Weasley and Feldcroft, this friendship—”

“If you think you're undeserving then put in the work until you deserve it!” Ominis replied. “Redeem yourself. Get better. Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them ever again!”

An abrupt silence fell around you, almost as if the night swallowed your voices. You watched your friends with wide eyes, almost intimidated by the heated exchange. 

“Sebastian,” you tried to speak. “Remember our first day here? We strolled around the city center the entire day and you told me you're trying hard to be better. You've taken the first steps, Seb, I… I know I may not be able to understand how you feel, but I do know how easy it is to get lost in the pain, how sometimes it feels impossible to get out. But you have been trying. I told you I can see your efforts, right? Don't forget that…”

Another silence. Sebastian rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and took a long, deep breath. “Right,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Both of you are right. I’m sorry, I…” he tried to finish his sentence, to say something meaningful, yet unable to find the right words. Eventually, he only let out a sigh and shook his head.

Neither you nor Ominis took offense to it. You reached out your hand and gingerly placed it on Sebastian’s back, fingertips just barely grazing the fabric of his shirt, but you knew he could feel them. To your surprise, Ominis mimicked your action, offering his unspoken support. 

Another unexpected tear rolled down Sebastian’s reddened cheek. He shut his eyes and buried his face in his hands again, but he didn’t shy away from his friends’ touch. He welcomed them.

The three of you sat like that for a while, finding a sliver of peace and refuge amidst the quietness of the night.

tagging: @whoslestrange, @spacecadet16