#lied about the life he showed on screen: WHICH even then wasn't even a future belonging to the Loki he sat in front of it

[blindtaleteller]

Tags.

[redrascal1]

The future of the Skywalkers is not Rey

Disney are....angry.

They decided to get rid of the Skywalker family, and move forward with new characters. One character in particular: Rey.

She was the protagonist of the ST. We were meant to fall madly in love with her. We were meant to see her as the 'champion' of the ST, the hero, the one everyone was cheering for.

And at first...we did.

Daisy is a fine actress, pretty, charismatic and engaging. Her background as a lowly scavenger meant that audiences could identify with a 'nobody'. I liked her. Many liked her.

And then....Kylo Ren took off his helmet.

From the moment these two first faced each other, the screen lit up. The chemistry between them was electric. Reylos saw it. Critics saw it.

And Rian Johnson saw it.

I think the best description of Rian's film comes from o0-snowdrop-0o

Both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi built up a beautiful romance plot between two, mistreated lonely souls who were destined to be together. 

Their unconditional love supposed to bring balance to the Force. Create balance in the Galaxy.

 Rian Johnson made a masterpiece. 

His film was full with mythological, fairy tale-alike elements. No wonder his movie is the most beloved one of the sequels trilogy.

No wonder why George Lucas called it beautifully made.

Rian introduced this connection in a unique, gorgeous way. Their force bond was a blessing. It made possible for Ben and Rey to reach out for each other through time, through space to give comfort, show love for one and other. Their romantic relationship was deep, sensual, spiritual, gentle and innocent. 

Couldn't put it better myself.

The relationship between protagonist and antagonist was the heart and soul of the trilogy. Most of all, the incredible sexual chemistry between the two actors. TLJ received a tremendous amount of critical acclaim, developed all of the characters beautifully and set everything up for what should have been a spectacular conclusion to the Skywalker Saga.

And then we got...TROS.

Ben Solo's redemption thrown in as an afterthought, purely to save Rey. Adam's screentime cut. All of the cast reduced to utter ridiculousness.

All to push...Rey Skywalker.

Disney wanted us to fall in love with Rey. Instead the audience fell in love with Kylo.

Which is what lies at the heart of their disgraceful treatment of Adam and his character.

Finn fans hate reylos. After Ben was killed off several of them voiced their delight at the prospect of a Finn/Rey romance. But, it wasn't because of them that Disney killed off Ben. It wasn't because of some weird notion that 'reylo is a white supremacist ship' (quote from Medium).

It's simply because in a poll asking viewers who they wanted to see the most in TROS was won by Kylo/Ben.

By a landslide.

Kylo Ren - 80% of the votes

Rey - second at just 5%.

Even people who disliked the ST consider Adam to be the best thing about it. He gave a sensational performance, despite Disney wanting us to despise him by having him kill his father. When he won that poll....they were furious.

So, they have done everything to destroy the affection people still have for the character.

Pointing out that he 'had to die because of what he'd done.' Nonsense.

'Once Upon A Time' featured several characters who had done worse but got their 'happy endings'. And don't even get me started on the Netflix film Damsel, where a mass murdering female dragon is allowed to live and even befriends the heroine, because at the beginning her daughters were killed by a king. Just as Ben was the victim of abuse, abandonment and brainwashing for most of his life.

Disney want to push their new agenda: women rule.

Women rock.

Women are far better than men

Women don't need men.

Look at their recent offerings. The Acolyte features a predominantly female cast with one even giving birth to twin daughters 'through the Force'. Willow was supposed to be about Warrick Davies's titular character, instead it was about two female protagonists. Even Marvel movies, the company owned by Disney, are making films all about women.

Problem is...this is not what women want.

The Acolyte is failing in the ratings. Willow was cancelled after just one season. The Marvels, about three female superheroes, was a flop.

And..guess what? A survey has discovered that the most popular shows among women aren't Willow or The Acolyte...they are Mandalorian and Andor.

Women want to watch hot, sexy men like Diego Luna and Pedro Pascal. And quite a few LGBTQ+ viewers do, as well.

WE don't want Mary Sues we can't identify with. We want strong women who also have a heart. And yes, we want to see great male characters. Characters like Luke and Han, and Lando.

Like Ben.

Rey has been destroyed as a character. Disney, refusing to see what they've done, intend to carry on her story as 'Force goddess' no matter what.

Obviously they have money to burn.

[outrunningthedark]

My real big problem with BuckTaylor is him wanting to date Taylor in the first place despite knowing what she almost did during the brownies accident, which also happened briefly in Season 2 until he decided to be with Ali because seriously, it just makes him look very stupid in comparison when he can be more than that. The only real acknowledgement to Taykay's behavior from the firefam that I remember of is that during Jonah's investigation via Chim and Hen's silent gesture, the same episode we're seeing her "true nature anyway" so it's redundant and Athena talking about her to Lou which does not go anywhere and she does nothing with it afterwards.

Babying Buck or not, Taykay's writing is riddled with stupid, stupid decisions one after another.

Look, it's really easy for us as viewers to question the choice to bring TayKay back as a real LI and then never truly address her previous behavior, but (IMO) we would have a better understanding if we thought like a show runner.

*LI is going to be temporary, mostly to fill the void left by Maddie (one woman leaves, another is available) and Madney as a couple. What would be faster/easier? Creating a whole new character, or reinserting someone the audience doesn't have to get to know? *LI's career should have some sort of connection to the first responder life so she can fill those gaps in screen time, but not be important enough where her presence or absence affects the overall story. TayKay is a reporter whose segments meant crossing paths with the firefam, but once the narrative shifted she was easily swapped out for another voice (they don't even need to be seen!) who could do the exact same job. *Not atoning for prior actions served two purposes: keep any newer members of the audience (s4 was when the fandom *really* took off, I think) from dwelling on a past version of a character they never knew, and hope that by not having Buck or any of his friends question why he'd get involved with her again, the audience wouldn't think twice about his change of heart. And for the most part, it seemed to work, especially around here. We've seen the gifsets about #charactergrowth after 4x11 when she made her "celebration" at Buck's about solving two cases rather than a promotion. Hook, line, and sinker. (Good thing those edits don't circulate anymore!) *Her work didn't negatively impact the people in Buck's life (this part is important - those of us who always saw TayKay for what she was had no problem criticizing her obsession with solving the husband and wife murder plot or how she tells other people's stories to hide from her own, but none of that hurt anyone directly connected to her bf) until it was time to end the relationship. When her quest for the truth crossed the line for the second time, Buck realized she was never truly going to prioritize their relationship or his trust in her over a chance to make headlines. Does it make sense? Not to people who over-analyze and assume the show runners like to have some grand plan at all times. But remember what Kristen said after 5A - TayKay wasn't even supposed to be in as many scenes as she got that first half despite being a reporter. She was always meant to be a "for now" option, not "forever", and the writing had to reflect that. (Unfortunately, not everyone could see the story for what it was, hence the panic over trying to legitimize her as Buck's future from Buddie fandom and then the BeeTees claiming the show switched things up last minute because they couldn't handle the idea that their fave was made "better" until the show brought all the mains back where they belong.)

[kitchensunflowers]

9-1-1 lone star 4x04 thoughts! this took a bit to write up in part because i'm busy and ill lol, and in part bc i get nervous about 'writing about ableism' being my main contribution to fandom sometimes

The positives:

-- ronen and rafael were both phenomenal in this episode. ronen portraying the different stages of tk's panic, worry, desparation. rafael, as carlos dealt with injury in a scary and life-threatening situation, trying to keep control, staying ever polite as he did his best to handle his captors and find a way out. amazing physicality and characterisation on both accounts.

-- even though we saw less of the rest of cast (looking forward to you, future eps, even if the promos are stressful!), I'm really grateful, in season four, for how embodied these characters are. We only got what, two lines? maybe? from marjan and nancy but still within that totally got that marjan kind of has a big sister role to tk while nancy, like tk, is one of the kids (specifically tommy's kids, missed you tommy!); we saw a nod to grace's friendship with carlos, too which was great. (and again, can't wait to watch them have their own storylines in future eps!)

-- I mention the owen storyline below, but even though it's not my favourite, rob lowe's comedy beats as owen are great. 'Our codes are... fire' - ngl, I exhaled through my nose

-- and ofc carlos' love declarations... 'she will be at the wedding... i think she's sending her love through me' truly so emotional

i have hope for the future that there will be more mentions/memories of gwyn, more tk interacting with the reyeses (they were so excited to see him!), and more delving into tk and owen's relationship (i liked that they showed that owen's trying, but he hasn't gotten it quite right yet, and that it is impacting tk... 4x08 here we come!)

The not-so-positives (below the cut; content is mainly discussions of ableism, but also includes brief mentions of scenes from when carlos was captured, including mention of the drugging/overdose, and of the nazis and copaganda in owen's storyline):

-- the 9-1-1 cinematic universe has always had a bit of an ableism problem, which, yeah, its a mainstream procedural from hollywood, ft. regular doses of copaganda, what do i expect? i guess i hope its still worth talking about and acknowledging within fandom? idk. in any case iris mentioning that her captor had some kind of burn marks on his hand in 4x03 immediately signalled: the writers room has made a disabled/disfigured villain -- if you're unsure as to why this might be an issue, disfigurement has a long history of being used to signify evil in media (as a harmful trope), and means that a significant portion of the already highly limited representation of disfigurement on tv is as villains. disability and disfigurement are practically only allowed to exist on screen when they exist as either plot devices or as a representation of internal flaws/brokenness/villainy/evil. And this is a problem, because disabled people and people with scars or other forms of disfigurement are not metaphors. To quote disability and disfigurement activist (and author and YouTuber) Jen Campbell, "It is clear that producers are not thinking critically about disability at all. We are not metaphors; we are people." actually Jen Campbell has a video overview of this topic that I recommend watching (though content note for discussion of the h*rry potter series from the apprximately 11 through 14 minute mark), and has other great videos related to this topic as well. Or if you're more into reading an academic paper, disability scholar Paul K. Longmore's essay, 'Screening Stereotypes' (Temple University Press, 2003) is a classic.

-- so yeah, needless to say i wasn't a fan of the close up on the guy's scars to identify him as the evil man, or the discussion of how his mom believed he became villainous (framed as 'a monster' in the show) after the accident that scarred his hand. this is also not the first time lone star has linked scarring/disfigurement to villainy

-- anyway, some of the parallels in the episode also didn't work for me - the baking cookies and use of retro music parallel to the coma dream in particular. some of them did work! - i did think the narcan post-overdose parallel was meaningful in terms of TK's arc from s1 to s4, and the 2x08 parallels were fun (in the stressful storyline, notable moments kind of way) - but i feel like we've had so many parallels to significant tarlos moments within the first 4 eps and a not insignificant number of them have not landed with me personally, which ig is a little disappointing.

-- and last but not least, still not a fan of the owen storyline - the copaganda of it all, for one, and the fact that the show has yet to address that owen associating with nazis (even if his goal is to ultimately take them down) could put those around him in danger? his son, his future son in law and in-laws, the majority of his staff/colleagues at his work... we have yet to see any indication that he has taken them into consideration at all.

that all being said, i am looking forward to storylines for the rest of the 126 now! tk is forever my baby, but as much as i am here for tarlos and excited for more storylines related to tk and carlos this season, i'm not here for sidelining the rest of this amazing cast/characters, and glad to have indication from the cast that they all have interesting stories in the work.

overall, very much looking forward to what this season brings next!

[tigger8900]

Flux, by Jinwoo Chong

⭐⭐⭐⭐ 1/2

Brandon has just been let go from his job, leaving him directionless and his love life in shambles. Fortunately, he's quickly recruited by a fast-paced industry disruptor, one which promises the impossible. As a result of his new employment he begins to trace connections, discovering truths about himself, his family, and his racial and ethnic identity. Who is Bo, the young boy whose life has just been shattered by unspeakable tragedy? What about Blue, the middle-aged man breaking his long silence about what disaster had gone down at the company he'd once worked for? And what does all of this have to do with Raider, a short-lived 80s detective show of great significance to all three of them?

This was one of those books that I read, and then had to spend a few days deciding if I'd liked or not. There's a lot going on here, and despite the brisk pace of the narrative I think most readers will require a bit of processing time to work through the various connections. Something important to note is that the book summary is marketing lies, specifically the part where it teases a cover up for violent crimes. It's technically true, in that violent crimes did take place and I suppose there must have been a cover up, but it was all off-screen and it wasn't what the characters were primarily concerned with. Rather, this novel is about identity, and spends a great deal of time investigating the fallout resulting from trauma. I sympathize with the author(who doesn't really get a say in the cover copy, and is probably frustrated as hell) on this, and try not to hold it against the story.

But describing it that way makes it sound like a sad book, which it wasn't. It read like the kind of thriller where you've got all the puzzle pieces almost from the start, and the tricky bit is putting them together in a way that makes sense to get from A to Z. I wasn't particularly surprised by any of the reveals, but I also didn't mind; I was invested in uncovering the how and the why, rather than the who and the what, if that makes sense.

One thing I really appreciated about this book was the depiction of Brandon as not only bisexual, but as an unapologetically messy bisexual. He doesn't have his anything together, and as the narrative unfolds it begins to make sense as to why. If you're looking for a competent, well-put-together protagonist, this isn't the book for you. But his bad decisions are the journey, and I couldn't help but feel a certain fondness for this disaster of a man, even if I didn't agree with many of the actions he chose to take. I also had a lot of thoughts about whether or not he did the right thing, in the end. I'm still not sure I've reached a decision on that.

Something I didn't mind but that will be a dealbreaker for some is the technology. It's definitely closer to the "reverse the polarity!" end of the sci-fi spectrum, which is to say it's barely explained and doesn't even pretend to be plausible. I though it suited the novel that way, but if you're someone who likes fictional technology — or magic pretending to be technology — to be explained to you, be warned this is not that kind of story. You kind of have to just accept it for what it is.

I enjoyed this debut, and would be interested to see what the author might come out with next. And hopefully the marketers leave his summaries alone in the future, because no reader likes getting to the end of a book only to realize they've been mislead!

[mononijikayu]

no but did people forget that otto hightower has been plotting FOR YEARS against viserys and his family so otto can advance his family??? LITERALLY we have a scene with viserys finally realizing that otto used his daughter to manipulate the king's grief about his dead wife and his child so that otto can have his daughter be queen. AND EVEN BEFORE THAT viserys points out that otto benefited the most when baelon targaryen died because that meant that otto manages to pry his hands on using weary and old jaehaerys targaryen, where even in the books otto threw alicent to jaehaerys to comfort him in his ill state. like OTTO was the damn problem and thats why he was sacked.

its not rhaenyra's fault she distrusts otto and its not rhaenyra's fault that alicent is miserable. alicent should know that. otto has spied on rhaenyra and tried to interfere in her affairs, wanting to use that piled evidences against her to undermine her already precarious position. a hand of the king is supposed to SUPPORT the heir and ADVICE them - not undermine them. when otto did that, knowing they also are family by marriage, it opened up the royal family to intrigue for all enemies and opportunists to make use of. like the crown princess being undermined means the king is being undermined meaning then that otto undermined his own daughter and grandkids at court. and yet alicent still chose to latch onto her father, as though her father wasn't the one plotting to plan out her life so he can have power.

and shes miserable because she latched onto that and her anger that rhaenyra made choices for herself against the expectation of the patriarchal society. there's a reason why rhaenyra called out alicent, because her balming rhaenyra for her unhappiness does not make her a better person in the eyes of the realm. it just shows that even then, she aided in her own unhappiness. because she chose duty over her ability to have joy, by doing duty she chose her father whose ambitions know no bounds. she should have realized that the moment her father was sacked, there might have been wrong done by him that resulted in his removal.

instead she chooses to believe that rhaenyra was wrong and that rhaenyra is the cause of her unhappiness and her troubles - which results for her to use her kids as pawns in a game which would give her agency and using that agency to gather power at court for her control on her son, to escape her father's control. she may love her kids but alicent also uses them and that can co-exist. thats the essence of book alicent as well, but book alicent really doesnt love her kids - which would have been an intriguing thing to see on screen because its literally book cersei lol

but anyway she spents those ten years languishing about lyonel strong not being partial to her, scares her son aegon with lies about rhaenyra harming him and his siblings in the future AND terrorizing rhaenyra and her family at court to the point that they decided to move to dragonstone just so they can escape alicent terrorizing them EVEN IF THAT MEANS losing rhaenyra influence at court and letting alicent bring her father control at court while viserys rots. like, yeah - she let the partriachy win and she lets the control of patriarchy make her live in hatred. like she saw too late that the patriarchy has made her its weapon and even in the end allowed it to win by using her father's power to crown aegon. and look what that causes them in the end. alas, the color of envy is green and the green that ends her entire line, forgotten.

- Parallels between Alicent and Rhaenyra.

[tinnchan]

@thiansong

EP 1 THOUGHTS!!!!!!! had to go to sleep yesterday but here i am now

first of all i really enjoyed it. but also it made me cry already and i wasn't mentally prepared for that. they said let's see how much trauma we can inflict on this little gay boy in the span of one episode. i'm adopting thian and taking him away from that house. we're going to chinese opera together and i'm buying him all the prettiest hairpins. no but how can you treat a child like that???? he literally was just playing wtf leave him alone!!!!! i want to jump into the screen and protect him with my life

the way the wives are looking at each other with fierce eyes is really funny ngl. and the fake ass cgi snake 💀 when that aunty brewed the potion and healed thian i was about to stan but then she turned out homophobic :/

also the brotherly bond 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you both mentioned it and i can see it already. when yang asked thian to perform for him??? and said that he'll take him to see the opera even though he clearly wasn't into it himself 🥺 best ally since kindergarten. they mean so much to me already

it is not fair that the ep ended with grown up thian and i won't be able to watch the next ep until monday 😭 btw how old is he supposed to be?

about the tender gay romance it all went by very quickly but i remember a scene where thian is sleeping on a table and the other guy is treating a tiny wound on his finger? at least that's how i saw it. now do i generally like the wound tending trope? not really. but this? this made me go 😳🥺 and also that moment when thian was looking up at the guy with sooo much love in his eyes

- @ahxu-laowen

adding to my first ep thoughts (idk if you got that ask tho my internet kept lagging 😭) i might be crazy but i got some ~vibes~ from the man who told them about the cut sleeves idk what was that about they kept focusing on him 👀 is he secretly gay and in love with tian's dad or what. but imagine being tian and the first time you hear the word homosexual is in those circumstances. and then you hear your mom say that you are acting like that man who got kicked out by your dad and then killed himself and she cries and tells you that you can never ever be like that or you'll lose everything and punishes you. and then you grow up and realise that you are like that man. what kind of future can he see for himself with all this trauma. god this is so fucked up i want to throw hands also idk about bua (?? the mistress really not sure if that's her name or something i cane up with) like she's too good. i don't trust that. she will either do something bad or something bad will happen to her. but for now i like her 🥺 she found out what homosexual meant and immediately bacame an ally sorry for being incoherent akhshks i'm rotating the first ep in my head like it's a microwave. why did i start watching this when i knew i won't be able to continue until three days later 😭😭😭😭 - @ahxu-laowen

First of all, I am so sorry I took this long to reply and deprived Quan of your episode 1 thoughts. This was utterly responsible as co-holder of the cojoint to sir with love, ask box. I shall endeavour to respond much more promptly from now on.

I am so so so glad you enjoyed it! And oof, YES. The first episode was INTENSE. I feel so so bad for Zhang and his lover and young Tian who had to witness this tragedy and it being used against him as a source of shame. Oof. Forever slightly confused that Madam Li saw his very young son dress up as a Chinese opera heroine once and and immediately concluded that yes, this is a raging homosexual in the making. Which, sure, kinda but I hate that she is right in this instance. I want nothing more than to tag along with you as you kidnap young Tian and shower him with the love and affirmation he deserves and a 1000 hairpins. T H E C G I S N A K E S. I nearly dropped the show cause I was laughing too hard but im glad i persevered. THE BROTHERLY LOVE. Let me just say that we must also kidnap Yang because there's no Tian without Yang. They love each other so fiercely it is absolutely the core of the show and my favourite part about it and I cannot wait for you to witness it. They are absolutely everything. When you said tender gay yearning I went "pff...you mean all of their scenes together" but it totally makes sense that it's THAT scene. I am glad that you like Bua but I shall not expand more in case I accidentally spoil you on whether or not she stays wholesome and pure and an #ally. Same thing for the guy who is suspiciously knowledgeable about the legend of the cut sleeve. Mayhaps he is just Mr exposition guy..mayhaps he is more. We shall see. Also...Omg?! I don't know how you are managing because I remember that episode finishing on these shots of a grown up Tian smiling to his notebook and my heart nearly exploded inside my chest I immediately had to click onto the next episode.

[elismistscorner]

OC Interview: Eli Aleksandros

Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!

---

Thank you @i-mybrunettelady and @thoseofuswhoblossom for tagging me, this was fun to do!

---

Off stage:

Eli: "Do I really have to do this? it feels so pretentious and blah"

Albus: "Yes! You are a hero to these people, and maybe knowing about you will help inspire others! You will be fine, and I'll be right over here for you."

Eli: sighs "okay."

INTRODUCTION

Can you introduce yourself?:

“Hello, I am Eli, Champion of Aurene.” After a moment of silence, Albus interjects: "You might also know him as Dragon slayer, God slayer, Guild leader, Priory Archon or Magister, Hero of Lion's Arch, Hero of Shaemoor, and ex-commander of the Pact-" "Oh my god. Albus!!" "Love you~"

What is you gender identity, orientation and relationship status?:

"I'm male, and...” looks over at Albus "engaged to that goof over there."

Where and when were you born?:

“I errrr... am not sure exactly where I was born, but I grew up within the walls of Divinity's Reach in Salma District. Well, at least until my elemental abilities started to show, and then I was sent to the Priory HQ but still inside Divinity's Reach. For the second part of that question; I am about old enough to be a sylvari secondborn.”

What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?:

“I guess I was 'classically trained' in the Priory to use the staff, so that may be what I am most confortable with. Albus helped me train with the sword when we realized we would have to confront Balthazar... that did not turn out so well, but against non-gods I can hold my own. However, now that I find myself in a bit of a lull, I have begun training with other weapon types, but that's confidential information... at least for now” he chuckles.

Lastly, are you happy?:

After a brief pause to think his answer, Eli looks down at his ring and then at Albus. "Yeah. I would say so."

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?:

"Hmm... well, like I mentioned earlier, I don't have any clues on my biological parents, but Uncle Andrew raised me like his own, and his daughter, Petra, is like a sister to me. I haven't been able to visit them in some time, but we exchange letters; they're doing well."

Have you ever ran away from home?:

"Technically yes? 'Ran away' makes it sound dramatic. As a child, I just wanted to find a place where I could figure out my elemental abilities without hurting anyone."

Would you consider marriage or having children?:

Eli looks over at Albus who is clearly waiting to hear this answer. "Okay so. Earlier, when I said I was engaged, I lied a little bit. Albus and I are actually married! He declares with joy and relief. "After I recovered from Bangar's ambush in Drakkar's lair, we decided to not waste any more time. We had been going non-stop for so long, and we were headed into an uncertain future, so we decided to just get married right there in the Eye of the North with some of our guildmates present, and Aurene of course. It was really nice actually. On the subject of children, does Aurene count?" he laughs.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?:

"What? I don't... what? They're not really your friend if you.. hate... them? I'm not sure I understand the question."

Which friend knows everything about you?:

“Definitely Albus," he smiles "he's seen me at my best and worst. However, I do also have a couple good friends in the Order of Whispers, who I trust enough to confide in. But also, who knows what information they have on me in their archives. So maybe them too. Oh and Jory as well; again, she's someone I trust, but she's also very intuitive and a personal detective. Haha, maybe my life is not as private as I would like it to be”

ASKED BY FANS

Are you literate? Have you been to school?:

“Did you say this was asked by a fan? Anyway, yes. Like I mentioned, I grew up partially in the Priory so...”

The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?:

“So, this is less a prediction, and more a theory I had. See, I've always been fascinated by the mists and alternate realms or dimensions; fractals if you will. And I always thought there must be some way, when all the stars perfectly align for a soul to come back from the dead by traversing through time/space in the right way. And well, here I am.”

What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?:

With an almost apologetic look, Eli glances at the floor, then up at Albus. “That I have managed to surround myself with very capable people, and that I can trust them to hold their own... aaand that I cannot do this alone; I need them.”

Do you have mental health or physical issues?:

“When you say these are fan questions... like who exactly... I'll say this. I am very lucky to have the people I have around me. They help me stay grounded.”

What is your current main goal?:

“For so long my only goal has been to survive. Except not even that. So for now I don't have any goals per se. Although I am looking forward to the Festival of the Four Winds to return. We always use it to take some time off and just be. The beaches are really nice-" "Also the Queen's Jubilee!" Albus interrupts. "Hah... On a different note, I've read so much about Cantha, and now that I've explored Elona, I'd like to see the Jade Sea, but who knows when that will happen.”

CHOICES

Drink or food?:

“Oh hmmm.. it depends on when you ask me. When we were lost in the (Magumma) jungle, between the rivers and creeks and the HUMIDITY, I never really thirsted for a drink, but a nice meal would have really hit the spot. However, while wondering through Elona, there were so many times I would've killed for a refreshing drink. So... both?

Cats or dogs?:

"Oh dogs for sure"

Early bird or night owl?:

“Hmmm... well, the Elonian sky is a true wonder that can only be perceived at night but sunrises are nice... No, you know what. I'm a night owl. Yup. Don't know why I hesitated”

Optimist or pessimist?:

"I don't think I could... I have to believe things can and will improve, otherwise why would I bother going through everything I have?"

Sassy or sarcastic?:

“I think sarcasm? I know I definitely cannot out-sass Albus.”

HAVE YOU EVER

Been caught sneaking out:

“Pretty sure it happened in the Priory a couple times. Except... I wasn't sneaking out, I was... sneaking... in.” he sighs "I wanted to get in the library after hours and keep researching...-" "OH MY GOD ELI HAHAHA" Albus bursts off-stage.

Broke a bone:

“Wait like, A specific one? I don't... Like, you realize it is statically impossible that I would have gotten this far without such an injury.“

Received flowers:

“Yeah actually! It was nice.“

Ghosted someone:

Eli's gaze wanders as he takes a moment to think of an answer. "Oh, I guess I have. There was this one time that I accidentally ghosted a couple friends... when I died HAAAA!" He boasts with unwarranted pride on his own joke while scanning the room's reactions. "Get it? cause I was a ghost!" he grins. "That was good, wasn't it?" Albus simply facepalms in the corner.

Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get:

“Let me remind you again, I grew up inside basically a library full of smart people. Smart people that sometimes like to show off just how smart they are by using humor they know you will not understand because you're a CHILD.”

After the interview:

Eli: "So? how did I do?"

Albus: "You were great, as I knew you'd be. You we're yourself, and that's all I would ever ask of you."

Eli: "Thanks. I'm glad you were here with me."

---

I tag (with no obligation of course, I would love to catch up on old OCs or learn about new ones but you can pass!):

I feel to "new" to tag people haha. I guess I tag you the reader! If you've been waiting on someone to tag you to join the fun, this is your chance! :D

Also @thepinkywarband, get on this (if you wanna) :3

[sijsaddictivelemurcorner]

haha totally epic and not really long review i spent almost an hour writing how i felt about the first episode haha no NO

S1;E1 (King Me) Review that's more of a personal rant than actual review i'm sorry help me

(warning this is a VERY long review towards how I felt towards the first episode, and there will be MANY, MANY more like this; but dont worry, not will be like this lol)

----

King Me was an episode that already began to show the progress towards King Julien and his efforts towards him and the kingdom. We already know what happens; But for the ones who don't or at least don't remember- Uncle King Julien, King Julien's Uncle, obviously, was foretold a prophecy from Masikura about a prophecy where if a king was wearing a crown tomorrow night, they would get eaten by the foosa. Intrigued with a plan, Uncle King Julien gives the crown to his nephew while they're unaware of what's expected to come.

We can already tell his uncle's a bit of a douche, already wanting to kill his son off from day one. But the question lies through; Was this something he's been wanting to do for sometime, or just a 'without a second thought' decision? It's unclear, but this only shows how retched this guy's family really is. It's a bit saddening to know King Julien comes from such a terrible family, honestly. We already know about how his parents are, but we'll get about them when they make their first appearance in the later episodes.

Moving on, the episode later showed Mort's first interaction with the King. It shows that Mort had always encountered Julien, but never spoke to him until now, hence why King Julien was asking Mort's name. This also shows Mort already had quite the liking towards him before his feet addiction, but we're not sure how much he liked him. Was he just a regular fanatic or something more before then? His interest towards the feet didn't really skyrocket until the later seasons (which will be very interesting to talk about, so get ready for that soon, heuha).

I enjoyed seeing the part where he defeated the foosa through an interest many saw as a negative. The one thing I definitely liked in this episode was how his negative characteristics (being a party animal) were taken in a positive light. It's obvious Julien can take something bad into something good, and he always finds his own ways into solving situations, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to most. He takes his own precaution and steps, and most of the time; They usually work! It showed his own potential as a king, and didn't want to stick to the rules that the past kings have probably enforced onto themselves and others. It's already proof enough that Uncle King Julien's method of handling things was through running away and being in fear, and it was the kind of method Julien sort of took when the foosa first attacked at his coronation.

It was well established in the start of the episode that his uncle took things through seclusion and limitation. Halfway through the episode, it was revealed that his uncle even banned his people from doing fun, exciting things (as in worry of them attracting the foosas), which is kind of a low, but it's his uncle, so it's not even a big surprise whatsoever. King Julien obviously didn't want to keep that law, so it makes sense he would well... veto it. Sometimes it makes me feel bad for the kingdom despite Maurice said 'he kept us all safe'. Regardless if he did, restricting everyone's activities for the sake of 'not attracting the foosas' seems a little numb-handed. His uncle should've thought of something better rather than forcing everyone to stay quiet most of the time and restricting most activities. He could've maybe told them how to fight, or told them how to set up warning signs for foosas'.

It's kind of stupid how Clover wasn't being the main defender since it was clearly shown she has the skills and defensive tactics to protect her kingdom. Yet again, she was just the head of security, and not the bodyguard. It's unknown how long she has been working with Uncle King Julien, but I'm sure he's known her long enough to know she could've been the perfect security to stop the foosas' back then, but it would make sense he would probably tell her to back from the foosas' since he didn't want to risk losing anyone. I mean, it was already proven from Maurice they lost half of the kingdom to the foosas' last year- which is definitely... news right there.

But what truly got me the most out of everything else in the episode was King Julien's quote to his people when he told them they would be dealing with the foosa again in the future; How if there isn't a tomorrow for them, then they should make their day extra big. It's a neat sentiment and less of a negative quote, serving more as a neutral one that reassures but gives the lemurs an understanding to what they're really dealing with in the jungle life. It's funny but strange to me on how King Julien could easily accept the fates he expects to probably deal with in the future. Maybe cause he's so used to already hearing so many lemurs get eaten by foosas; Some I bet he saw with his very own eyes.

But even so, he already gives his audience a pill that their past king probably would be too afraid to say to them, and that was honesty.

Brutal honesty. But an honesty with hope. He tells his people to make their days last, because they, and not even King Julien himself, knows when it's time to go. (cough - cough COUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNHnhnhn)

This episode was a true testimate to what King Julien is, and serves as an absolute justice to his usual roles back in the Madagascar movies and The Penguins of Madagascar; I applaud DreamWorks for giving this lemur the show he deserves, and the justice they gave to all the other lemurs and some others from the first Madagascar movie into this show, giving them the screen time they deserve as well- it truly shows how much the company really cares for its characters, and I give them huge respect for that. These are more than just 'cash grab spin offs', these are spin-offs I bet many, many people asked and wondered for years- and there it came.

But that's my review for the first episode. It's long, but whatever. As I progress through the other episodes, the reviews will be much more exciting, wacky, and well... review-y, lol.

They'll also probably be a bit shorter since I don't want to make every review be as long and detailed, heuha. Just felt like posting the first episode review out there. Will post the second episode review soon and then after I'll be reviewing the rest of season 1 and then turning it all into a single notepad that I'll publicly share to y'all.

Am very excited to show y'all more of my own personal reviews. :>

What are y'alls personal opinion towards the first episode? lol

[marinette-fangirl]

Heart of glass, Mind of stone

Over the summer Marinette had found a new school with the help of her parents, they had been rightfully furious after she told them everything that had happened that led her to want to switch schools. It hadn't taken them too long to find a new school, and while her parents filled out the necessary paperwork, she worked on putting her portfolio together. Maybe it was the perfectionist side of her that had the blunette checking it over and over, to make sure that everything was in order before finally submitting it. 

Waiting was always the hardest part. She refused to bite her nails, an old habit that had been quite hard to kick, especially while dealing with Chloé's taunts and being Class Rep on top of that. She tried really hard not to think about her old class filled with friends who she had done everything for, she had been for them, gave them her trust, unwavering loyalty, and friendship. But they had thrown it back in her face without a second glance, all for a few pretty stories. 

She would never make that mistake again. 

Losing them, her friends to Lila Rossi, had hurt. It had been a difficult blow. Like cracks in an unstable foundation. She had tried. Tried to show them, shield them from Lila's manipulative ways. Point out the obvious lies in her stories. But they wouldn't believe her. 

Or maybe they just didn't want to. 

She hadn't been the only one to know that Lila was spouting lies. Adrien had known as well, but he refused to call her out. Quite sure that her lies wouldn't hurt anyone. She had wanted to shake him, yell at him, that this wasn't some fairytale, this was real life where lies can and do hurt people. His reassurance that they were in this together were just hollow, empty words that meant nothing when they were whispered from across the room. 

Taking down his pictures, throwing them out along with his schedule had been quite the internal battle. He had been her first crush, she knew that you didn't  just move on from those so easily. But she could do it. She would do it. In place of his pictures on her wall were future fashion designs and replacing his schedule was her planner/vision board. She even deleted the picture of him on her computer, right now it's set to the default screen saver until she could find something new to put as the background. 

She even unfollowed him on social media. 

There. No more Adrien in her life. No more distractions. 

The multiple text message notifications that were coming in from her phone which were without a doubt from Alya probably demanding why she had unfollowed her along with the rest of the class on social media, Instagram and Twitter specifically. 

Alya. The inspiring journalist. The lady blogger. Her once best friend. Out of everyone, she had thought Alya would have been the last person to believe Lila's lies, after all she had preached that a journalist should always check their sources. 

She had wanted Marinette to prove that Lila's claim were false. But she wasn't the budding journalist, Alya was. So why didn't Alya check her sources? Why did she take everything Lila had said about meeting celebrities, traveling around the world, and being the daughter of a diplomat at face value? 

Of course she knew the answer to that already. Lila just tells them what they want to hear, and they follow her words as if it's some sort of gospel. Well, not everyone followed her word. Chloé and Sabrina surely hadn't. 

She can take some peace in that, she supposes. That someone else besides her can see past Lila's silver tongue and point out the obvious lies in her stories. 

Another message notification stops the rhythmic sound of her sewing machine. Without looking over at the device, she would bet a roll of her newly purchased fabric that it's Alya again, demanding that she answer the messages or to call her. 

Why she couldn't just leave her be? They weren't friends anymore. Alya had made that perfectly clear. With a shake of her head, Marinette made her way downstairs and entered the bakery. Luckily, there weren't too many customers. 

"Maman?" 

"Yes, dear?" Sabine Cheng smiled at her daughter who appeared to be much more lighter and relaxed, but she was no fool. She knew that it would take a while for her Marinette to heal from all that had happened. 

"I was wondering if I could get my number changed?" 

°~°

When Collège Françoise Dupont opened again after the summer break, the students were filled with some sort of dread that they couldn't place. Especially the students of Caline Bustier. But they shook it off, in favor of listening to Lila's stories about how much traveling she had done over the summer. 

The feeling returned when Caline Bustier came in and begin to take attendance after the students sat in their seats. It was Rose Lavillant who raised her hand and asked the question that was on the tip of everyone's tongue. 

"Madam Bustier, shouldn't we wait for Marinette to arrive?" 

Madam Bustier didn't speak for a few minutes, the only sound being the soft tick-tocks of the clock that hung on the wall. 

Then she dropped the bombshell. 

"Marinette is no longer attending Collège Françoise Dupont." 

The silence that followed was so deafening that if someone dropped a pin, everyone would have heard it. 

Alya wanted to scoff and roll her eyes switching schools due to being jealous of Lila? That was a bit dramatic even for Marinette. Just because the brunette was close to Adrien. She would give the blunette a piece of her mind during lunch. 

The blonde model in question could practically feel the guilt eating away at him. It wasn't his fault! Lila's lies didn't hurt anyone! She could change! Couldn't she? 

Juleka Couffaine was not the least bit surprised after hearing the news from Luka, who had been in contact with the blunette after getting her new number. Her sweet Rose looked so heartbroken at the news that it made her heart ache and she gave her hand a gentle squeeze, a promise: It'll be okay.

Nino Lahiffe was still trying to process the words. Marinette wouldn't be attending their school anymore, his oldest friend gone. Just like that. He wanted it to be some sort of cruel, sick joke. But the look on Madame Bustier's face told him it was anything but that. 

Chloé Bourgeois would never admit it to another living soul, but she was actually proud of Dupain-Cheng for leaving. She shouldn't have to deal with watching her so called friends turn their backs on her for supposed promises that spilled out of Rossi's mouth. Promises that would never come true.

When lunch time rolled around, Alya immediately dialed Marinette's number ready to give the girl a piece of her mind. 

Honestly! 

All this just because-

"The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected." 

A/N:Denial is a river in egypt, Adrien. A big thank you to @unmaskedagain for helping me out with this! Part 1 can be read here

A/N 2: Word count: 1,192.

Tag list: @unmaskedagain @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @akana-sama @jeminiikrystal @abrx2002 @kris-pines04 @jardimazul @hnbutt @hello-its-mari

[groovyzombiellama]

Find Each Other

Title: Find Each Other

Requested? Yes.

Plot: You and MGK were dating for a really long time, but break up at a certain point, and start moving on with your lives, dating complete opposites of each other, until you see each other at an event and realize you are still in love with each other

Word count: 1670

—***—

You walked in to the beautifully decorated area where the event was being held, your arm intertwined with your date, who was coincidentally your boyfriend, tall, dark and handsome.You had a huge smile plastered on your face and everyone who would look at you would see the happiness shine from you. And compared to the mess you were just over two years ago, you really were happy. You were also very present in the music industry, so of course you were invited to the event, not knowing if he was gonna show up or not. And by that we're not talking about the man on your arm. and instead about a man very opposite of him, slim, blonde, blue eyed. The man you spent nights crying over when the relationship ended. He was the cause of your hot mess situation from which you needed all this time to recover. And then your eyes landed on a familiar head of blonde hair, instantly taking in a sharp breath. Colson. You and Colson Baker were a very serious couple a while back and all of your friends and family couldn't imagine the possibility of the two of you not ending up married. And that was what you wanted too, you wanted to grow old together and tell your grand-kids stories about your life in music.

But the more famous you both got, the more time you had to spend apart, recording songs, going to shows and tours. At first it was easy, you'd always try and sync your time to be able to see each other or even go on tour together, and the happiness lasted for a few more months, but soon your schedules got so busy that there was no way to keep doing stuff together, and that began to somewhat tear the bond between you and Colson. Sometimes you didn't even know if there was a difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Colson, even though you loved both of his sides, you didn't want him to constantly be in his famous rapper mode, but you knew that you were doing the exact same thing, focusing more of your time to your job than your family. The two of you didn't even have time to sit down with each other and talk or argue, which was good in a way, since that way, you were sparing Casie the grief of seeing you drift away from each other, and maybe even say things you knew for certain that you didn't mean.

So after finally sitting down with Colson and getting to have that talk about where your relationship was going, the two of you realize that it's mostly tapping in place, without any further direction, as if it had just turned back to look at you, and ask what the hell were the two of you doing and to just accept it being over. And with a heavy heart, you did, ending things between you and him, and you promised each other that if there was a chance in the future, you'd find each other anew. You had locked yourself in the studio following the breakup, and focused all your energy on your music, even more of it than before. You didn't eat or sleep for days, feeling the full weight of losing Colson and Casie on your shoulders. Your family and friends have tried their best to pull you out of it, but then a guy came along, the same one you were standing next to at the table tonight, sipping your glass of champagne, only detaching your eyes from your previous love when you could tell your boyfriend was looking at you.

It made you realize just how different they were, and not just by their looks, but their attitude also, and you found so many differences between you and the new girl on his arm. It was as if you were dating polar opposites from each other, and you didn't really know how much of it was deliberate and how much was just pure coincidence. The tall blonde hasn't noticed you yet, but his girl sure did, and you had to think fast, turning to your boyfriend and beginning to take genuine interest in his words. As if on cue, in the exact moment you placed your hand on top of his and he lifted it to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on the back of it, Colson turned his head over towards you, following his girlfriends gaze.

She could instantly feel his body tense up when his eyes took in the scene unfolding in his line of sight. You stood at a table to his left, while if you looked up, his left side would be directly in front of you. Upon noticing you, and your new boo flirting at your table, Colson was reminded about how little he was over you. How much he was still infatuated by your mere presence, as everyone else in the room seemed to disappear, leaving just the two of you there, sneaking glances at each other and practically forcing yourselves to see the others. You felt bad about what you were doing to your boyfriend, because you truly cared about him, but after seeing Colson again, your whole love story flashed before your eyes, and almost all you could think of was the way his arms felt around you, and the way his lips tasted. The smile he'd get when his eyes land on you, the same one he had to force himself not to show tonight too. It was as if a giant tornado just blasted through you, leaving you both in pieces, but also leaving you the possibility of putting your lives back the way you wanted. And Colson knew exactly how he wanted to fix up the pieces, placing his current relationship as a part of his life in the middle, between life with you then, and life with you he wanted to start now.

You didn't expect him to show up at your doorstep the next day with a huge bouquet of roses and a box of your favorite chocolates in his hands. But he did. Your breathing became unsteady, knowing your boyfriend was just in the living room, waiting for you to come back so that he could start the movie the two of you were watching again, instead of staring at the two parallel lines on the screen. You lied after hearing him ask you who it was, saying it was one of your friends, who needed your help for a moment, before stepping out, and looking at Colson with pleading eyes, hoping he'd take a hint and leave. But he didn't.

"I know that you care about him. I cared about Chanel too, but after seeing you again, it was clear I was still in love with you. And knowing you as much as I do I can tell you're still in love with me, so just think about it. Try and give us another shot."

He said before handing you the items from his hands softly kissing your forehead and walking away.

You were never this torn about a decision in your life. Your boyfriend knew about Colson, and knew he will always hold a special place in your heart, but you still didn't want to hurt him. However, Colson was not giving up on you and when you came to the studio to record, you saw it covered top to bottom in all kinds of flowers, and each floral arrangement had a different card in it, all of them being Colson pouring out his feelings towards you. The next day, it was your favorite snacks and sweets, and the next just one big teddy bear, with a heart shaped locket dangling from the necklace he was holding in his paws, along with a heart pillow that spelled out 'I love you, now and forever'. Your smile grew by the second as your fingers traced the letters, jumping slightly when you heard a voice behind you. It was your boyfriend.

"You still love him too, don't you? You really don't have to answer, it's pretty evident. You've given me the most wonderful year and a half and I will cherish our every moment for the rest of my life. But you should go where your heart truly is."

You hugged him tightly, a tear slipping from your eye. He wiped it off with his thumb and gave you one last kiss goodbye, stating that he will always be there for you, even as a friend.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, but I'm glad you are here, and that I can still call you a friend."

You smiled at each other before he gestured his head towards the exit of the studio, and you rushed out. It wasn't the material stuff that made you want to go back to Colson, it was every single one of those letters that showed all the love he still had for you and all the memories the two of you shared. As you halted a taxi and told the driver the directions to Colson's studio, you put the necklace on your neck, feeling excited to be back in his arms. When he saw you at the door, at first he was shocked, but the smile on your face told him everything he needed to know, and mirroring it, he rushed over to you, engulfing you in his arms and spinning you around. After setting you down, you looked in each other's eyes, slowly closing the gap between you for that long awaited kiss. You were back where you both belonged, in each other's arms, finally back together. You smiled at Colson's next words, remembering the promise you two made all that time ago.

"Found you again. I love you so much princess."

"I love you too, so much, baby, and I'm so glad I found you again too."

----***---

I hope you like it anon, I always wonder if I make someone somewhat teary eyed with my writing, not sad, I want all of you to be happy all the time, I just wonder if my work can lure emotions out of someone, so if you had that experience let me know, it would be interesting to hear if you understand.. ❤️

[morgemuffel]

MALEC. ➰ DON'T LET ME GO.

This story takes place between episode 3Bx15 & 3Bx16.

I adapted the story and put my own thoughts & ideas into to it. What are MALEC up to when you don’t see them on screen?

*(Part 2 of my series: our heart beats like one)

Mmm... I love to feel his warm bare chest underneath me. His fine and soft dark chest hair like a fluffy pillow on my cheek, which tickles my nose every now and then when I move my head, to cuddle up to him. The familiar aroma of... of what exactly? It's hard to describe, but it's my favorite fragrance. Not like shampoo, perfume or laundry detergent, no. It is his own body odor. The scent, you only get to smell on your partner in the mornings, before he makes himself fresh and tidy for the rest of the world. Magnus loved this fragrance. It's a scent that evokes the memory  of a cool sunrise in spring season. The feeling of love and secureness.

As Magnus lies there half asleep, he slowly noticed that something wasn't right anymore. The warmth and the fragrance he loved so much, slowly faded away. He reluctantly opened his eyes and winked the sleep away as he looked around without moving. He was in Alec's room at the New York Institute. He remembered falling asleep in Alec's arms, one more thing he loved. He slept so well in Alec's arms, as he hadn't for years. Carefree and happy. But where was Alec? Magnus lay across the bed, taking up the whole space and his head was carefully draped on a pillow. Alec didn't want to wake him up and exchanged his warm muscular chest with his pillow. Also very cuddly Magnus had to admit, but no comparison to Alec's soft fragrant skin. As he raised his head, he looked up directly into Alec's already freshly washed face. "You sleep ok?" Alec asked worried. Magnus stretched as he answered "like a rock." Alec looked at him in a mix of nervousness and expectation so that Magnus wondered what he had overlooked, until his eyes moved over the bed and he noticed the romantic gesture of his boyfriend. A smile crossed his face. How was it possible that this man could always surprise him over and over again? In front of him was a tray with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and a small bouquet of flowers. The glass was filled to the top, not like Magnus' attempt from last week. When he could only squeeze enough juice from two oranges to reach the middle of the glass. "Oh. Freshly squeezed orange juice and a full glass. "He grinned at the memory. Alec blushed a little red but tried to suppress it. "One of the perks of living at the institute," he said with a smile. Magnus nodded impressed, but his attention was yet on the forced question, forming  itself in bold capital letters, inside of his head . It was by law not allowed for Warlocks to be in the institute. Nor to live there. Although he welcomed the loving offer to stay here until he had found a new home as well as the confident manner his boyfriend showed, but they both knew that this, also if only a temporary situation, was pretty tricky. Magnus didn't want to get Alec into trouble by staying here longer than necessary. Alec tore him out of his thoughts. "Come on, get out of bed. Breakfast stops serving at 9am." Theatrically, Magnus let himself fall back into the bed. Why did shadowhunters have to get up so early? No wonder most of them were always in such a bad mood. And walking into a warlock in this early hour must be the icing on the cake. So he started a half-hearted attempt to convince Alec that they didn't necessarily had to have breakfast with the others in the community hall. “Alexander, I appreciate the hospitality, but doesn't the clave have rules against downworlders living here?“ His boyfriend looked at him with that peevish smile as he hesitated “oh they‘re not rules, they‘re suggestions.“ Magnus sighed, his Alexander, who interpreted his life according to the rules is now only looking at them as a recommendation? He didn't want Alec to bend himself completely because of him. That just wasn't right, and yet his statement triggered a comforting feeling in Magnus. Alec went on to say, "You're not living at the institute, you're just visiting for an extended period of time." his arguments weren't bad, Magnus thought, but he hated to be the outsider. Not that he cared what others thought, but what if Alec suddenly felt uncomfortable? Magnus asked him "and what would your fellow shadowshunters think of a warlock wandering the halls?" "They'd be fine with it Alec clarified in a calm tone. "Let's go." With these last challenging words he turned around and disappeared through the door to brush his teeth in the bathroom. Magnus sat undecided on the bed for a moment. He urgently needed another apartment, but his  real estate agent had died years ago. But his good friend Cat has recently moved, so Madzie could have her own room. He took out his phone and wrote her a short text message:

Wanna have lunch today? I could need your help... Do you know a good real estate agent in New York? 🏠

Cat answered almost immediately. Magnus was looking at his phone while it indicated that Cat was about to formulate a message.

Yes sure, I have break at 12.30am. You can wait outside the hospital. Are you and Alec already taking the next step? 🐾

Magnus read the message and rolled his eyes in amusement.

He had told her that Alec had asked him a few weeks ago to move in with him and that he had refused his request. She agreed with Magnus that it was too early. But in the meantime, Magnus himself wasn't so sure about his decision anymore. With Alec everything felt so good and right. He had never dared to take that step before, but if he did, he could only imagine this scenario with Alec. Since losing his loft, he'd thought about asking Alec several times. Ask him if they wanted to look at apartments together and maybe even wanted to move in together. But he was too unsure, what if Alec didn't wanted that anymore? He still remembers how hurt his shadowhunter had looked at him, when he said it would be a nice idea for the future. Magnus had considered his decision as the best in that moment. But now he wasn't so sure anymore, so he didn't ask. He answered Cat with a maybe..., two thumbs up and a steak emoji, then he got up to get dressed.

Alec had just brushed his teeth when he started searching for Underhill. As he knew Magnus, getting dressed, styling his hair and putting on his make up would take a while even with his regained magic. When thinking of his boyfriend, who couldn't decide what to wear and what mood he wanted to present the world today, he had to smile. There was no one like him, and he belonged to Alec. He hoped to catch Underhill before breakfast, since he was Alec's only friend next to his siblings, he wanted to hear his opinion about Magnus' new living situation. He himself knew that his decision to let Magnus live in the institute went into the grey area, a real dark grey zone and that not all of his companions would be enthusiastic about it. But he didn't care he had a plan. Well it was more of an idea than a plan, but before he could enforced this plan, he had to go through the shadowhunters protocol again. If someone could help him with that then it was his friend Underhill, the head of security. Alec walked down the hall and knocked on Underhill's room. Nothing stirred. He was about to leave, as the door swung open and Underhill stood in front of him, dripping wet and only wrapped in a white towel around his waist. Small  water drops trickled down his trained torso like glistening pearls. "Uhm ... hey boss ... uh ... Alec?" He said clearly confused about meeting his buddy so early in the morning. "Does your head hum as much as mine?" He asked laughing as he grimaced. The two men hadn't been friends for a long time, and Alec hadn't even seen him in swimming trunks before. They were out for a beer the first time yesterday having a spontaneous men's night after work. Alec had told him about his fears and relationship issues after being Underhill's wingman. But a drunk soul striptease and checking out other men together was something completely different than this. Their friendship wasn't on the I can see you without your shirt level yet. Rather more on the I kinda trust you and we can talk about deep stuff basis. It was therefore an unprecedented situation for both of them. "Alec is enough, we're friends now right... aren't we?" Alec found himself wandering over Underhill's upper body. Well, yesterday they've talked about attractive men and they were all reasonably passable but he haven't really realized that Underhill himself was actually pretty attractive. No comparison to Magnus, Nobody is able to hold a candle to him, but he couldn't deny that Underhill was good looking and handsome. Stop look at him so closely Alec! He realized that he had been staring at his friend for quite a long time now and blushed. Thus, the situation was now officially a bit awkward. Is looking at others, even if in that harmless way, allowed in a relationship? Or oh God had he just cheated on Magnus? No, no, no calm down Alec. Magnus once said that it's natural that you want to look at beautiful things. Not that Underhill was an object. "Yes sure...we are friends", Underhill nodded slowly and became a little red himself. Oh damn it, pull yourself together Alec. Just open your mouth and before you even notice you'll be speaking. The warm steam escaping out of the room and into Alec's face finally brought him back from his thoughts. "Nah no, I'm feeling pretty good." He cleared his throat and asked, "Could you prepare the keys for Magnus, so he can come into the institute by himself?" Underhill frowned as he slowly asked: "So your boyfriend is suddenly living here now? What about the rules?" But Alec wanted to get out of this somehow embarrassing situation, as quick as possible so he answered curtly. "Just the keys Jack okey? Thank you." And walked in the direction of his own room. The protocol could wait.

Magnus felt the breakfast was... very weird, as expected. He was in the training room of the institute now and completed his morning Tai Chi exercises. These slow flowing movements and the meditation calmed him. He had spiced up the routine with his own flair and let a magic ball circulate between his hands. However, it was difficult for him to concentrate, because his thoughts repeatedly wandered somewhere else. - Everyone had stared at Magnus as if it was the first time they've ever saw a warlock. He had mumbled to Alec, "you know it's not too late to go out for breakfast, right?"But Alec ignored the others and asked in shock: “And miss pancake day? No way“. How could Magnus have denied him his favorite breakfast day at the institute? Nevertheless, Magnus would rather have sinked into the ground, preferably right through to Edom. But Alec stood proudly next to him and would have probably beat up everyone's ass or sent them to Wrangel Island for character-building, if they had dared to say something mean against Magnus. They had sat down with Izzy, Jace and Clary and explained them his current living situation. They all seemed genuinely enthusiastic and happy about him living here, which calmed him down a bit. Even though Alec was a huge fan of pancake day at the institute, Magnus preferred a fruit salad and a Mimosa cocktail, somewhere was definitely happy hour already. When he snapped his finger and his new breakfast had appeared, he heard a loud,  glaring and high ringing in his ears. It hurt it was getting harder and harder to repress and ignore the symptoms. He decided to talk to Cat about it later. Magnus was glad when Biscuit's cell phone rang and replaced the ringing in his ear. It was Luke who briefed her about the vampire attack at Jade Wulf. Soon after, everyone dedicated back to daily-shadowhunter-businesses. He returned to an upright position and stretched. He felt ready for the next hurdle now. He looked at his phone to reads the time 11:42, time to get his keys and get ready for lunch with Cat. Alec had told him where to find Underhill, who provided the new keys for him. So he made his way there.

After Magnus recovered from the let's call it a slightly unpleasant dining which topped any previous encounter with Maryse Lightwood (before she became nice) by lengths, he went to the security department. He wondered for the second time today if he should ask Alec to move in with him. He was torn between his feelings. And all of these high-tech machines and huge screens were giving him migraines. How did his Alexander endure that? He was looking for the big blond shadowhunter which he should get in touch with. Jack Underhill, Magnus thought. Alec went out for a drink with him yesterday, right? His heart suddenly felt heavy and an unfamiliar feeling spread throughout him. Well, it was more like several emotions at the same time and he couldn't exactly assign them. It was a mixture of fear, suspicion, and a bit of anger. Magnus didn't like these feelings, especially because he didn't understand them. He had only met Underhill once and he made a sympathetic impression. He was also good-looking, tall and muscular, bright blue eyes and well-haired blond hair. He was quite handsome Magnus thought. Underhill nodded to Magnus as he approached him. "You're here for the keys?" He asked curtly. "Yes, is this the reception to check in at the Shadowhunters Inn?" Magnus tried to lighten the mood with a joke. But the joke was bad so they just looked at each other silently. Underhill cleared his throat and instructed: "Please stand here and don't move. This is a retinal scan. If you move, we have to start all over again."Quite the soldier Magnus thought to himself, with these monitors all day long he would probably have a bad mood too. As he stood there so motionless, he wondered if Underhill thinks Alec is attractive. What a stupid question Magnus your boyfriend is a walking sex bomb! Everyone with eyes in their heads could see that Alec was attractive. And the most attractive thing about him was that he wasn't even aware of it. Hmm on the other hand... does Alec think Underhill is attractive? Before Magnus, Alec had no relationships, but his almost wife - Lydia was blond, Underhill is also blonde So maybe... Damn it, Magnus what's up with you today? You have no reason for such thoughts. He takes a deep breath and concentrates on the monitor with the built-in scan. After less than a minute - RETINAL SCAN COMPLETE - appeared in green on the screen.

"That'll do it" Underhill growled. "I'm finished?" Magnus asked in surprise, he had expected to have to stand there for hours. "Yeah," Underhill said curtly and gave him a bunch of keys. “These are your keys. I‘d explained what doors the open, but to be honest, I‘m not totally sure. Most of the shadowhunters just use the unlock rune. So good luck.“ Magnus at first thought that Underhill was just in a bad mood like all the other shadowhunters, because Magnus was around. But somehow he had the feeling that he had annoyed the man in a different way maybe with something he didn't noticed. He felt the urge to ignore his thought just like the ringing sound in his ear earlier at the breakfast table. That's why he just answered "Hmm" and turned to go. But then it occurred to him that Alec had just made friends with Underhill and he didn't want anything to stand between the two men. So he stopped and turned back to him. "I'm sorry, have I done something to offend you?" He looked questioningly at Underhill. "No, of course not." Underhill said but hesitated and crossed his arms over his chest before continuing. “I guess I‘m not sure having you moving in here is such a great idea.“ And here we go Magnus thought. He's one of them... as he said, “hmm because I‘m a warlock?“ Underhill interrupted him immediately. “No. No, no, no. Personally, I don‘t mind, but we‘ve got protocols against this sort of things.“  Magnus was surprisingly relieved to hear that it wasn't about him being a warlock. He should have known, Alec had a good sense for people, most shadowhunters were just poled to follow the rules. That someone like Alec suddenly starts to break the rules can be quite disconcerting. “Don‘t worry. I don‘t plan on living here longer than I have to. I love Alec but, these screens are giving me migraines" Magnus said and hoped to soothe Underhill a bit. Behind this serious expression seemed to be a nice guy, who actually meant well. He looked at Magnus with a honest expression and said something quite unusual for shadowhunters. “I‘m sorry. I didn‘t realize this was a temporary thing“ Magnus had already forgiven him and raised his hand to a let's forget it gesture and nodded smiling. Jack continues visibly relaxed,“and hey, for what it‘s wort, I‘m glad that you and Alec managed to work everything out“ Now Magnus was confused. What was he talking about? "Excuse me?" He asked perplexed. “Yeah, he... uh, told me you were having some differences.“ Underhill said. There it was again. slight anger, fear, suspicion and a light sting in his chest. These feelings were annoying. What was it about this blonde Shadowhunter, that Magnus suddenly felt so vulnerable? It somehow bothered him that Alec had discussed private matters with someone else, had discussed them with him. “Oh, he did, didn‘t he?“  was everything he managed to say. "Yeah," said Underhill again short tailed as in the beginning. He had noticed that, his statement somehow came across a bit strange. “Excuse me.“ Magnus said and made his way to the exit. He needed to talk to his best friend now.

45 minutes later, Magnus stood in front of the Beth Israel Hospital in New York and waited for his good old friend Catarina Loss. The young dark-skinned and black-haired woman came out and smiled at her friend. "There's my favorite seriously-in-love warlock," she said, pulling him into a heartfelt hug. Magnus had to grin. He loved this woman, he had already experienced so much with her and she was one of the few people whom he practically trusted blindly. "Hello my dear old house," Magnus teased back. They walked for a while until they came to a small alley and Cat opened a portal to Zurich. Magnus was glad that she took the initiative and opened the portal, he still didn't know how to confess to her about the unpleasant symptoms he was having lately. But Cat had a totally different taste in food than him. "Don't you just only eat cheese in Switzerland?", he thought. Cat rolled her eyes as she noticed his hesitation. "Come on, I know a great hip brasserie at Zurich Hardbrücke, they serve the best tapas and seashells believe me." Magnus frowned, seashells weren't really his cup of tea either. He was more kinda the old-fashioned guy always ready for a good piece of meat, medium rare. And he's just barely escaped, the tasteless cardboard which the Institute calls pancake, today. "If you don't like it I'll pay", Cat tried again. So, Magnus gave himself a jolt, today wasn't really his day. Arriving at the restaurant, Cat ordered, in her fluent Swiss German, two portions of Moules et Frites and two cocktails, with hers being non-alcoholic, as she had to work quite long this evening. 20 minutes later they sat at a table outside on the terrace, laughing, smacking, reveling in memories and enjoying the sun. Magnus had to admit that the seashells were really excellent and that his wise friend could still introduce him to new things after so many years. Yes, she knew him so well, as almost nobody else does. "Cat because of the real estate agent, can you recommend me someone?" he asked. She nodded eagerly "Yes, I know the perfect man for you, he is from Brooklyn and knows the area, as I know you, this is very important to you. I've wrote him already and made an appointment for tomorrow, I assumed you would like to move out of the institute as soon as possible?" she looked at Magnus amused "It's not that terrible," Magnus said sheepishly. "Alec is trying so hard...and..." Cat interrupted him "speaking of Alec... I didn't know what to tell the agent about the apartment your looking for, I mean I know you and your expensive taste, but if you two are really about to take the next step...? she blurted out. "How many rooms would it need ... are we about to expect some small mini Alec's any time soon, I mean I know how good he is with kids?" Magnus' eyes widened and he blushed slightly. The two broke out in laughter. Magnus loved the direct nature of his friend. He valued her opinion and knew that he could always expect an honest answer from her. "Don't you no longer think that's it a bit too fast?" Magnus asked uncertainly.

She thought for a moment before answering, "Magnus you deserve to be happy and if it makes you happy to move in with him, then do it." You've never dared to take this step with anyone else before and I haven't seen you so happy, as with Alec, for a long time now. You're good for each other and if you don't try it, you'll never know how it could have been. After her speech, Magnus couldn't stop smiling. There's something else I wanted to ask you about, he started hesitantly. usually he has got the gift of the gab, but what he wanted to ask her next was a little embarrassing. "Do you think .. um... well... that I'm a jealous person...?" Cat looked at him pleasant as she spoke,"well, well, well, a jealous Magnus Bane, never thought that I'd live so long to ever experience that. Hmm...the fact that you have to ask me that answers everything, don't you agree? " Magnus rolled his eyes, knowing she was right. He had wondered the whole morning, what was it about these new curious feelings? and then it finally fell from his eyes like scales. Jealousy. He, Magnus bane was slightly jealous of Underhill. He didn't want to admit it at first, because he was embarrassed and he thinks Underhill is actually really nice. But here he sat in front of his best friend who could read him like an open book and knew she was right. "Magnus Alec adores you, how comes you feel threatened by someone?" She asked in surprise. Magnus sighed heavily, "Oh, Catarina, it's all me, my self-doubts are coming back. I feel that everything is going too good, that I don't deserve it and I'm just kinda waiting for something or someone to come across and take that happiness away from me...you understand?" She understood him all too well, all these dramas with Camille in the passt have left their marks. Cat reached for his hand on the table and looked at him seriously. "Stop sabotaging yourself. You deserve this ok?" She looked at him so intensive, he didn't dare to turn away his head from her. "You are worth it Magnus and don't let someone else tell you otherwise,...talk to Alec about your fears, but don't let those feelings get the upper hand. A little jealousy is okey just don't overdo it okey?" Magnus was reassured, Cat always knew what she had to say to cheer him up. He didn't want to destroy the moment by telling her that his body was rejecting Lorenzo's magic. Even as she looked at him questioningly with her tell me about the last thing that's bothering you expression, he just shrugged. "Thanks, Cat, I needed that, let's head back, I should probably talk to Alec." She nodded knowingly, he would tell her when he was ready she thought and the two made their way back to New York.

Back at the institute, Magnus went straight to Alec's office. Alec once told him he doesn't always have to knock, he rarely had someone really important visiting and the big meetings were mostly held in Alicante. So, Magnus just enterd. Alec wasn't sitting at his desk as usually, he was chilling in a comfortable armchair beside his little table and studied some reports. He looked up as Magnus entered the room and asked: “how was your first day? You all set up?“ Sitting down on the armchair next to him, Magnus resolved to begin this conversation rationally. “Hmm. Good to go.“ he started before failing miserably as he continued to speak,“Your handsome friend took care of everything“ Alec frowned and thought about what Magnus just said before asking hesitantly “Underhill?“ Magnus after that quick like a shot and curiously wide-eyed,“you think he‘s handsome? The second the question left his mouth, he regretted it. Damn it Magnus, he thought, we already had this topic. Now stop with this jealousy game. You don't need this. Alec looked at him sheepishly, as the awkward bath towel situation of this morning came back to his mind, when he answered uncertainly,“I guess?“ Magnus took in the new information and tried to find the right words to tell Alec what was on his mind. Alec got a bit nervous and added,“Is that a problem?“ Magnus saw that Alec was afraid he had done something wrong and said soothingly  “No.“ Alec wasn't sure if that was true, but still devoted himself back to his reports. “Yes“ Magnus corrected and decided to be honest. Cat had advised him to talk honestly about his feelings, so he did. “I just don‘t know if I feel comfortable with you airing out our dirty laundry to the entire Institute...“ Now Alec was quite confused for a second he had thought Magnus was jealous, but it sounded quite as if something else had happened between him and Underhill.“What are you talking about?“ he asked. Magnus sighed: now or never Magnus, come on. “You told him we were having relationship issues.“ Alec wasn't sure were Magnus was going with this conversation. “So I‘m not allowed to talk to people about my problems?“ he asked in confusion. Magnus realized how childish this sounded, of course Alec was allowed to talk with his friends about his problems. It was just... what was it that disturbed him? “Well, sure. But him? You barely even know him.“ Magnus was right Alec thought and he was sorry, not about him in principle talking to others about his problems, but that Magnus was feeling uncomfortable and he somehow understood him. He hardly knew Underhill that was true, but that's how friendships start. You get to know each other and Alec trusted Underhill. He would have thought Magnus would understand that.  “I just didn‘t think it was a big deal.“ Alec finally said. Magnus had a guilty conscience, he didn't want Alec to feel bad just because he couldn't control his feelings. After all, it wasn't Alec's fault that he felt that way. He tried to choose his words carefully when he started: “I know. I just feel... Sometimes, I...“ All at once Alec could see it very clearly. he hadn't been wrong before. Magnus was jealous! His boyfriend was truly jealous.

Alec was neither hurt nor angry at this newfound fact. He had asked Magnus last night already, after he went out for a beer with Underhill at Hunter's Moon and Magnus denied it. Weak denied, but still. Alec haven't been thinking about it afterwards. And he couldn't imagine, that Magnus the most beautiful and confident man Alec knew could be jealous. He smiled from ear to ear as he finally said it,“wait. You‘re jealous.“ Magnus contradicted slightly offended when he realized that he had just been caught,“I don‘t get jealous.“ Alec kinda liked the idea of a jealous Magnus, because from his perspective there was no one who could ever compete with Magnus. He couldn't stop grinning. No one has ever been jealous of another person because of Alec. Magnus was kind of sweet when he was jealous so Alec wanted to savor the moment and tease his boyfriend a bit.“You‘re jealous. You‘re actually jealous.“ Alec stated. Magnus had no chance, the cat was out of the bag now. But he still acted a little pouted when he said: “I‘ve never gotten jealous. This is not...“ Alec's phone rang and Magnus took the opportunity to pull himself out of the affair. “Answer it.“ Magnus command and Alec just kept grinning to himself as he answered the call.

After Heidi's death and turning in Rafael to the Clave, Alec became painfully aware again of how important rules are. He loved having Magnus in the institute, but he would prefer to live with him. Having a joint home, their Home. He had asked Magnus once back then, and he didn't want to. It was too early he said. Not much time had passed since then and yet it felt like an eternity. And Alec was a stubborn person so he decided to ask one more time. He wanted to ask Underhill for advice this morning and then didn't do it cause of sheer shame. He took deep breath and went to visit his friend again. He needed a bit of courage and assurances before launching his plan. That's why he asked Underhill for the official shadowhunter-regulations when he arrived the security compartment. Alec: "Jack, are you sure the head of the institute doesn't have to live in the institute?" Jack was still rummaging in a few other documents as he spoke, "pretty sure... aha here it is!" He pulled out the thick, brown-inlaid, rather dusty book and looked for the corresponding page with the inscription."So here it is," said Underhill, reading aloud:

RULES FOR THE HEAD OF A SHADOWHUNTER INSTITUTES

RESIDENCE AND ACCOMMODATION

Art. 23 para. 7 - the head of the institute receives a suitable room in the institute, where he/she can retire and plan his/her further steps if needed.

"Hmm ... yes you're right it's not written that you have to actually live in the institute. Only that you'll get a room to use, as a place to think." Alec said slowly. "So could I help you?" Underhill asked, smiling. "I think so, thanks for everything," Alec responds, lost in his thought and already turned to leave. Should he ask Magnus again or would that be too intrusive? He didn't want to force himself on Magnus but he could see their future clearly in mind. He knew that he was ready and wanted make all these new experiences with him. No matter how scared he was of another rejection, he would try it again.

"Magnus had realized that he had acted very irrational previously and he should apologize to Alec. Full of anticipation he opened the door to Alec's office and entered. "You where looking for me?" he asked, willing to admit his mistake. Alec looked down in distress and nodded "Yeah." Magnus, now ready  to stand the ground started his apology, which he had practiced in his head for the last half a hour, because that's the way to do it in a healthy relationship. Communication is everything. "Alexander if this is about what we were talking about earlier, I was wrong. You have every right to talk out your problems with your friends, no matter how good-looking they are."he started frantically. But Alec interrupted him gently,"this isn't about that. This is about you living at the Institute. "Oh." was the only thing Magnus could answer, he hadn't expected the conversation to lead into that direction. Alec spoke slowly, choosing each word carefully. "Believe me I want to live with you, but you were right. Having a outsider live at the Institute that is against the protocol. And how can I expect everyone else to follow the rules, if I don't follow them myself?" Magnus didn't blame Alec, he knew it was a logical conclusion. He was more than thankful that they had even tried. "I understand. I'll move out first thing in the morning "Magnus replied understanding. But Alec wasn't finished yet, something important to him, still seemed to be on his mind. "However, there is no protocol that says the head of the Institute has to actually live at the Institute. So when you find a place, I was hoping that we could...both move in...together." Magnus heart was racing, yes Alec had milled his plan to ask him to move in with him this time, but Magnus couldn't care less about that now. This time, Magnus didn't have to think about it, it made him so unbelievably happy that Alec really had the courage to ask him again. He had played with this thought all day long and having Alec ask him again made his self-doubt disappear. You deserve to be happy he heard Cat's voice in his head. He didn't expect Alec to bring up back this sensitive topic but his Alexander never ceased to amaze him. This time he was ready. He wanted Alec and he wanted everything with him.  At once, that throbbing pain in his head started off again and slowly but surely he couldn't ignore it anymore. But he pulled himself together cause he needed to answer this. He needed this, he needs to  make this promise before it's too late. "Only if I get my own walk-in closet."he answered while smiling full of love and Alec could hardly believe it. He was so nervous and surprised at the same time because he had already suspected a NO in the back of his head. "You mean that?" he asked in disbelief. "Of course. I love you." Magnus said and took a step towards him to kiss him. But in that moment, the ringing in his head began again harder and louder and everything around him began to turn. My body, what's going on with my body? His body cramped and blood shot out of his nose and then out of his mouth.

"Magnus?" Alec asked worriedly. Magnus coughed and turned away. Even now he tried to hide the pain from Alec. His stomach turned and he felt the warm blood in his mouth. "Magnus?" Alec asked worriedly. "I'm fine." He could just say before spewing huge amounts of blood on the floor and collapsing. I can't speak, I can't think straight, Magnus thoughts were a wild mess. Alec is holding me I'm not falling anymore, stay with me Alec, please don't leave me. Words, where are the words? I can't speak I can't invoke the right language."Magnus?" Alec is  calling me and I hear myself speaking. Why am I talking Indosnesian. "Magnus?" I hear him scream again. Pain, more pain. My head is pulsing. It's getting worse. Oh no my head is going to explode. "Magnus?" Alec yells. I can hear his fear and desperation."Medic! Somebody get help!" he screams. I feel like everything is slipping away. "Magnus!" Alec's voice is so far away now and even the pain feels dull. "Someone get help!" I hear him say and suddenly everything is dark.

[klarkkent71]

TRAGEDY & VERSATILITY

September 8 2019

I still have more content about places to visit and other experiences but these will be my last set of poems until after vacation

TRAGEDY SERIES

 HELL(Dedicated to the victims of mass shootings)

I hate it for you and in the back of my mind I’m feeling bitter yet so numb

Thinking to myself what has this world become to where we cant control those with the guns.

I want to write to my congressman and let out rage but he won’t listen because the lobbyist pay him funds

One shooting after the next more parents crying over a loved one

And to those committing the acts, my only question is why

Hatred, mental illness, jealousy, to understand I can’t try but to express my anger and say we do need change is a fight where I won’t be shy

Just know that I’m tired of innocent angels gaining their wings from others may they rest in peace in that place pass the sky.

 PAIN

I look up to the sky and ask God why do the weather he gives add pain

Strong winds and natural disaster leads to another life that changed.

And what I’m discussing is beyond the times of Noah and the boat

But more on modern-day horrors such as seeing dead bodies of victims who just float

Or these fires that just burn through the western parts of the state.

I can only wish grace and mercy and pray for others and their fate

To lose everything in one instance I can fathom the weight

 CUPID TEARS

I dreamed at night that we were together and woke up and nothing was there

I put you on my mind and fell back asleep thinking I don’t have a care

In the midst of it all I played everything in the back of my mind

One memory after the next of when you used to be mine

But now I’m just an empty shell sitting sad and alone wishing you were here.

I felt myself crying at one point and letting it all out thinking to myself this must be Cupid tears

 BLACK HEROES

United we stand and divided we fall

An era of great leaders once chosen to answer the call

But with hope and courage comes a threat to their way of life

We preach to love your fellow man at times and do what’s right

Unless that man comes from a different creed and get singled out

You stand up and fight for your freedom that’s what it’s about

But to see the vision come true was something you kept in your head.

They say you were a threat and wanted to make a change by any means now you’re dead

And now the vision you fought for happened but the people divided

Trapped in the constraints of Willie Lynch with no guidance provided

We off the plantation now though and back in the hood

Thinking to ourselves life is good when in reality we’re trapped.

None trusting of our own so we stay strapped

We have colored skinned but we divided by color

You wear red or blue you now an enemy even though you’re my brother

Let's talk about the impact now that drugs had

Shit, Sad.

 QUESTION 2

Will the world ever be at peace

 TRAPPED(dedicated to those who afraid to be who they are)

Because we live in a traditional society you feel belittled for who you love

Bible goers tell you your actions will get you sent to hell when it says in the book of Mathew not to judge

Those with a closed mind will shun you and not try to understand how you feel

Just tease you for being different and want you to think you’re mentally ill

So pressure builds up and now you feel all alone

Questioning the way you were born to feel and think that everything about you is wrong

So you see death as an escape from it all

The thoughts grow stronger you thinking of multiple pills or blowing your brains on the wall.

I get sick of society and the pressures that others get to where they can’t be themselves

I pray that you find peace before it’s too late.

 INTERLUDE

Love hurts but I’m grateful and feeling something and that’s alive.  I'm feeling hopeful that I can be torn and put back together.  In some instance even stronger than before.  I honestly think that beautiful things can happen when others get completely torn down at times

 VERSATILITY SERIES

Untiled

I look into your eyes and just get lost

Your chin is on my chest and you’re looking at me like I’m everything in your world

When it comes to spending time with you no matter the distance I’ll pay the cost

Our hearts beat as one and you’re my dream girl

Though the love will always remain the time of being in love been came to end

No titles or constant communication, in reality, we’re not even friends

And now I just hold on to the memories.

I look down at my phone wishing it was you

Wishing one last time I can hug and kiss you

I’ll tell you deep down inside how much I truly love and miss you

But I don’t

I just stare at a blank screen and smile at the notification from you accidentally liking something

 A PAGE

I go hard for my last name so grinding to get after my dreams is nothing

I was motivated from the start my whole life I been grinding and hustling

Early on I was placed in special classes until it was discovered that I couldn’t hear.

So many years achievements later and I'm more than what they thought and I’m still standing right here.

The crazy part about it is that I haven’t fully stepped into my potential and what I can really be

The vision is still clear and I’m still chasing one more degree

I’ve done others wrong in the past and apologized and let go

Thanking God for the changes and maturity along with the growth.

I ‘m proud of who I become

Once wanted to fit in until I learned to march to my own drum

I lived seasons where people came in and out my life to where I grew numb

I had those close to me steal funds when I would‘ve fed them a meal and ate the crumbs

But here I am remaining humble

BLUE WATER

I’m staring out thinking what’s beyond my vision

Blue water, calm waves, to see past it is my mission

Thinking just how freely and smooth what you have just flow

Easily in just many directions, you can just go

I honestly admire the vibe

Being in your presence I feel the high

 MY VIEW

I don’t care what your religious text says deep down this is how I feel

You claim your actions are saving souls from being killed

But the choice to me is with the beholder and not with the traditions they keep in Saudi

I’m stating this right now that a woman should have control of her body

It’s crazy we’re all birthed and come from a womb

 VOTED FOR THE DEVIL

On the night I found out the devil won I wasn't surprised at the outcome or what the world has become.

I just know that a nation which was built of sins of others found their chosen one

The fact we constantly divide makes the beast strong

I keep telling myself that it’s just temporary but the days keep getting longer

And to those with brown skin instead of providing help we build walls.

Lies after lies I’m not even shocked or appalled

Really I’m entertained by those so simple to believe the lies

Draft dodging, fornicating, grab her by the pussy, Russian meddling, and spies.

I’m gone wait to really unleash in the future

Frames

I found pictures and it immediately made my mind jump in the past

Still frames of happiness of when I thought everything we had would last

I saw a birthday cake with candles with you wearing a white coat standing on a chair

Memories ill keep forever in my heart they will always be rare

I see beaches, balls, and baby showers along with pictures at my parents after church

I thought these were memories ill never get back but found on my laptop during a random search

I found a random jump drive and placed every picture on it so they will be in one spot

Im forever grateful that I have a passion for photography because they bring back memories we all forgot

Even flashing back from the good to the bad the mood will be remembered by the faces and emotions in the frame and over 80% it’s smiles

This is the closing of one chapter of poetry and the introduction of the next my next set of poems that will be pulled directly from my heart will called simply “NATALIE”

Whenever I post “NATALIE” it’ll cover many poems but i wanted some of the intro posted

Intro to NATALIE

All black, I feel it’s the color that represented me for years

Now im stepping out on faith thinking to myself I cant believe I showed up and right here

I felt like rock bottom to be honest I’m out the house and stepping out from fear

Sitting here faking like I know the culture but let’s be real what black person drink beer 🤔