#lie. i could. i do not Want to do this whole fucking paper by myself

[vulpinesaint]

do professors offer a "got stuck with a stupid partner" condolence grade

[min1check]

Leto! Joker x side chick! Reader ig…

1248 words

Barely proofread ts so i’m so sorry if u see errors

pt 2

Description: You work at one of Joker’s clubs and he starts to take an interest in you….

Every night there would be presents and money left on my small table in my small ass kitchen in this small ass apartment. 

It all started when I finally learned the real identity of my boss’s boss’s boss at the club I worked at. I really needed money desperately for my family who lived out of the country. I’m currently working on the papers so they can gain legal presence but until then I need to work hard and study hard. 

At the club I worked at, they paid me better than most places and I would be able to go to university in the daytime and work at night. 

The club was pretty high class, there were many high profile politicians who were VIPs. Given that they were even at a club, they were most if not all sleezebags who tried to hit on the staff to the point that I could file sexual harassment charges. But nevermind that. 

The club was so high class and full of VIPs that I didn’t expect it to be owned by the biggest crime lord in this city, the Joker. This whole city was corrupt in and out. Even if I tried to file those sexual harassment charges I would’ve been shut up instantly. 

When I saw this head of green hair and his pale deathly looking skin and his red lips that I couldn’t tell if it was lipstick or blood, I tried my best to not be noticed by him. 

Though he looked like a corpse he was extremely attractive. Maybe in another universe I would actually try to get at him. Well and if his fellow Clown Queen of Crime didn't exist. She frightens me even more than Joker. Well actually that’s a lie but as a girl I can say that we’re ruthless when it comes to boyfriends and husbands and such. Too blind and in too much love to use actual reason.

Harley’s beautiful though they genuinely look good together. 

I went over to Joker’s table where he was talking to (or more like taunting) his client to drop off the drinks. It seemed that everyone else already knew what his regular drink was and his client’s. 

I tried my best not to mess up or to not loudly drop the drinks because at this moment I could actually not stop my whole body from shaking. They continued talking about their deal without even looking at me. I kept a friendly smile on my face. 

I walked off a bit quickly because I was terrified. Yet I felt like someone was staring right at me. I quickly turned my head and all I could see in that moment was Joker with his usual devilishly grin looking straight at me. My blood ran cold. 

When I was out of his sight I closed my eyes and started to pray. 

‘Dear God, please forgive me for any sins I have committed for I do not want to die tonight. I have too much to live for so please don’t let me die. Thank you for everything you have blessed me with Lord, amen.’ 

I was crying internally. 

Literally was gonna kill myself right then and there. But I brought myself back to reality and back to work. 

Whenever I would come to work the Joker would be there with Harley. 

I literally think I’m going crazy because I think he keeps looking straight at me…. With his girlfriend/wife/partner in crime which was even worse. Yeah he was hot but cheating men are scum of the Earth. And Joker’s a mass murderer and other stuff. To be honest I kinda forgot I’ve been too busy with school to care about politics….

I finally got a shift off and a day off of school today. I’m just gonna sleep and lounge around and be fat. I got out of my bed to go get some more ice cream in my kitchen. 

It felt a bit unnerving when I was in the kitchen, like someone was watching me. I shook off the feeling because I had locks on every single window and door. The crime in my country is a bit bad so Gotham wasn’t that much different. 

As soon as I turned around to go back to my bedroom with my ice cream in hand…

“Boo!” 

“What the fuck?!” I screamed so loud that I dropped my bowl of ice cream and it shattered. 

“The look on your face doll… it’s so… funny!” The intruder was the Joker and he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop laughing at my reaction. 

“…” I just stood there in silence thinking about how that bowl was so expensive…

I didn’t want my floor to be sticky so I started picking up shards of the really expensive bowl. 

“Aww~ Are you.. mad doll~?” He teased me with his usual grin. 

“Not really, I’m just a little sad because this bowl was really expensive.” I sighed to myself. 

“If that’s it then here.” Joker tossed money at me. 

“Um… It’s okay I’ll just work for it back.” My mom always taught me that I shouldn’t accept money and that I should always offer to pay so I gave that money back to him. 

“Just take it Doll, think of it as my~ first~ gift~ to~ you~” he really emphasized on the last part like really. 

He got comfy and sat down on a table chair as I cleaned the floor from the sticky mess. 

That sounds a little wrong, I just mean my ice cream trust…

After cleaning it all, it occurred to me…

Why and how did the Joker get into my apartment…

My blood ran cold. I feel like I could turn into a reptile with how much my blood goes cold. 

“I liked seeing you at my club but I like seeing you in this shaggy apartment more.” He looked at me. 

“Um… how did you get in here?” I spoke quietly afraid I would somehow strike a nerve. 

“It was easy! I broke your window.” He spoke like he just finished climbing Mt. Everest. 

My mouth dropped to the floor. 

Like I tried to close it but it just wouldn't. 

“…” 

“What~? Cat got your tongue Doll?” He grinned. 

I’m actually going to kill myself. 

At this point I hope he pulls out the glock 19 and shoots me….

Wait but all my windows are barred up…

I looked into my living room and realized there was glass everywhere and the metal bar was stretched apart enough where it would fit the Joker perfectly. 

Calculating the cost in my head I actually started to cry. Tears ran down my face. 

I would be fine if I picked up a few extra shifts but I had to study more because finals were coming up. I’ll have to cut down on food and sleep…

The Joker awkwardly patted my back. 

“Here’s some more money Princess.” 

“I.. Cant accept it.” I said between sniffles and pushed his money back to him. 

He suddenly grabbed my head with both his hands and made me stare him in the eye. 

“Take. The. Money. Princess. Or else I’ll shove it down your throat.” His face was way too close to mine. 

“Thank you…” I tried my best to smile while he was still manhandling my head. 

He kissed me out of literally nowhere. 

My blood went cold again. 

I don’t want to be a mistress or some side bitch….

And Harley’s gonna kill me……

Yet it felt so good. 

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

ELINOR SOS

I am the student anon from a while ago who was concerned because my prof made an oblique comment about "knowing when people use AI on their assignments"

I often collaborate with a friend in the course on homework assignments (something that is encouraged so long as you name your collaborators when you turn in) and i found out recently that she DOES use chatgpt sometimes. we'll each work on papers separately and then compare ideas and make edits if either of us included something the other missed. i never copy her words but i'll incorporate her ideas if i feel they're useful.

this brings me to 3 questions:

1) does the prof know she uses AI, and does the prof by extension believe that i do, since i name her as a collaborator?

2) is there a way for me to kindly tell my friend i think this is ludicrous behavior and cut it the fuck out

3) is there a way for me to distance myself from my friend in the eyes of the prof without seeming like a total snitch or hardass or what have you

thanks in advance !!!!!!

prev anon:: I MISSPELLED YOUR NAME I AM SORRY elanor elanor elanor so sorry

LMAO you're fine, no worries!

Hmm, okay, so some of this is outside my wheelhouse as a lecturer the other side of the world - this is not to say I'm not going to share my opinions regardless, but just a reminder that I am not, for example, an authority on taking friends to task for using ChatGPT

Anyway the easiest (and most advisable) answer to all of this is to stop collaborating. Up until this point, you're fine, because you simply didn't know - if you get accused of anything you have plausible deniability, because you literally didn't know. It's worth pointing out, though, that you would probably already have been given a formal warning or taken to an academic misconduct board by now if you were suspected on past work - at least, that would be the case over here. We don't hang about if we have suspicions.

Whereas, from this point onwards, if you turn in a collaborated piece and she then gets accused of plagiarism, you are now in a position of having willingly collaborated with a known plagiarist, which opens you up to questions like "So you knew there was a chance that her inputs could have been Chat-generated and you used them in your own work anyway?" and that's a lot harder to defend against.

As to the rest of it, though:

No, probably not. She'd likely have been called on it by now, as would you.

Hmm. I think I personally would approach this with "I'm so sorry, my anxiety is through the roof and I just don't feel comfortable collaborating with you because you use ChatGPT. My brain is now irrationally terrified that it's somehow obvious to the professor and imploding from the pressure." And then if she wants to get into it further, you can discuss the issues with it. HOWEVER mileage can and will vary on that strategy - that's how I would phrase it to avoid her feeling judged, see, but depending on how good a friend she is and a whole bunch of other factors, you might prefer to go BITCH WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY THE FUCKING ROBOT IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH and block her number. Or, you know. Something along the scale.

Just stop collaborating. Nothing more needed.

The other thing I will say is that I think you're probably assuming more surveillance and oversight from your professor than actually exists. It IS obvious when you find a Chat-generated section, but I can't help but wonder if telling a class "We know that some of you are using it, btw. We won't say who but we can tell. So stop doing that." is actually a lie designed to scare compliance before it becomes a problem. Like. That feels like a lie to me. That feels like "Say it now and then they won't try it." Because if they actually knew, there would be formal proceedings, not oblique little warnings.

Anyway! I hope this is useful.

[euripidestrousers]

The Bridget Jones Wolfstar AU that No One Asked For

Dear Diary, 

Even writing those words makes me physically ill so I’d like to start this off by disclosing that getting a diary was not my idea. 

You see, my best friend, James - excellent, wonderful best friend who has recently become a family man by choice, and has therefore become one of the most insufferable people on earth - gave me this diary and said it’s either this or he’s buying me therapy because one more rubbish one-week relationship of mine is going to kill him.

And I don’t need a fucking therapist, so here you are, and here I am. I feel better already.

(haha)

Dear Diary, 

James might be onto something. Today I found myself smoking my third morning cigarette while drinking my coffee and muttering that the drive to work is going to be hell because of the rain. 

I’ve become my father. 

Of course, I asked James if he ever looks in the mirror and sees Monty staring back and if it makes him want to buy a motorbike and he replied, ‘Uh, I’m literally his son, we look alike. Are you okay?’

My thirty third birthday is coming up. 

Please don’t let this be a mid-life crisis. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t want one, and haven’t had one in over ten years because the men in London either want to meet you in the park or meet your parents. It’s the last hour of the buffet and all that’s left is the salad. And I don’t need a relationship either. James and Lily are a match made in heaven since the first time he told her ugly friend he was ugly (rightfully so, the man is still hideous and a complete prick), and she told him to watch his fucking mouth. Made for each other.

But the last time I met a guy that made me laugh and was any sort of attractive and not a complete knob about being attractive, was over three years ago. 

Ie, it’s not for me. End of story.

I bought a motorbike

Dear Diary, 

I’m going to do away with the whole ‘dear diary’ thing, it makes me feel like a schoolgirl and if James ever finds you when we’re drunk he’s going to read out at least one embarrassing entry at me. They’re all embarrassing. 

I went on a blind date today.

“Long black for… Sirish?”

What? Oh. That vague jumble of mush must have been his name. Sirius grabs the takeaway cup and makes for the door briskly. He has the Binkley case to catch up on and write a piece on by the end of the week and he’s still not clear who the man is. A football star perhaps? He’s still being sidelined into the sports area of the paper because he did football for a year. Nevermind that he has an interest in politics and would very much like to report on where the country will be in ten years if it keeps going-

J: You busy after work?

Sirius grins, flopping his jacket over one arm to type back to James Potter, best friend and inarguably lesser half of Lily Potter. 

S: drinks?

J: I have a one year old

S: too early for him to start?

S: kidding. Don’t tell Lily. She’s already started making him take his helmet every time I take him for a day. 

J: It’s not for drinks. Lily has a friend who’s just come to town. I thought maybe you could show him around.

S: Worst lie ever. 

J: I haven’t had coffee yet.

J: It’s actually true though. He just came to town and doesn’t know anyone other than Lily, and Harry has a cold so we’re both staying home.

J: He’s quite attractive I’m told. Lily told me to say ‘tall Martin Freeman’, and that you’d know what it means

S: Potter, if I was so desperate that I would open to a blind date, I definitely wouldn’t start with any of Lily’s friends, they’re all college professors and about 50 years old. 

J: He’s 37

S: He has elbow patches. Guaranteed. Bet he says ‘but the Torries are actually not as conservative as they’re made out to be.’

S: Bet he has a mahogany desk and wanks to Aristotle

J: Jesus christ

J: Photo sent

Sirius glances down uninterestedly and sees a photo of a man. But instead of the expected stuffy looking balding man with a sour face, as most of Lily’s fellow professors are to be fair, instead he’s looking at a tall, brown haired man with flecks of grey at the temples and smiling softly at the camera, and he’s well, he’s not not handsome. Tall Martin Freeman is actually quite right. Hello.

He brings the phone closer to examine the photo as he blindly barges into the office building with the large Get Up, Britain sign gaudy and bright above him. 

The man is younger on second glance, although he is wearing a suit jacket with elbow patches (told you, Jamie), and standing a little awkwardly, like he’s not used to photos being taken of him, and it’s entirely likely that he’s more accustomed to being nose deep in a book ninety percent of the time. 

He’s shagged worse. 

S: I was right about the elbow patches

J: I really tried to find one without them too

J: But he sounds nice. Funny. Lily likes him, she talks about him all the time. They were prefects together in school and used to bunk off and smoke behind the bins

One the one hand: prefect. Disgusting. Hall monitors. Pigs-to-be, snooty, law-abiding to the most irritating degree (Lily being the exception, of course). On the other hand: smoking behind the bins is more his style. Speaking of, he’d love one right now-

J: I really think you’d like him. Even just friends. Moving cities is lonely and he sounds alright. He likes Manchester U?

S: Fine, I’m free after 6

S: Don’t yell at me if I shag him, work has been shit.

So that’s how Sirius finds himself, half past six, swearing up a storm and running with his tote bag over his head in the pouring rain, late for his blind date (or something).

He slams into the restaurant door, shaking himself off like a wet dog, his casual Friday jeans and black t-shirt soaking wet, his shoulder length, black hair is dripping around his face, hoping his laptop has survived, and shivering like a chihuahua at a children’s party. 

“Uh, I’m here for uh-” he consults his phone again and reads the name to the maitre d, “Reh-mus?”

“It’s Remus, actually”, comes a soft voice from his left. 

Sirius turns quickly and immediately drenches the man standing at his elbow in droplets of water from his hair and coat. Tall Martin Freeman indeed - he has one of those faces that’s even better in person, where the way he stoops his shoulders and holds himself makes him look soft and welcoming, and the warm lighting gives him that attractive, cozy professor look, rather than an uptight old man.

“Oh”, Sirius grins quickly, hoping his dazzling smile will make up for their flimsy introduction, “Right, Sirius. Are you still waiting for a table-?”

“I er, well, I was about to leave actually”, Remus says, glancing at the maitre d awkwardly, “You’re quite late.”

Sirius’ smile freezes. Well, then. 

“Got caught up at work”, he replies stiffly, brushing his hair back and letting his eyes go cold, “If you’d prefer we don’t-”

“No, no, of course not”, Remus appears to snap back, as if remembering his manners and seeming oddly distracted, “Please, let’s sit. You look like you could use a drink.”

Sirius runs his tongue along his bottom lip as he follows Remus to the table and wonders if that was a slight about him looking like a drowned rat. He notices the man has worn an absolutely hideous brown jumper that wouldn’t be out of place in an aged care home, so he doesn’t really have the right to judge Sirius’ appearance. 

“Wine?” The waiter offers politely. It’s a nice place - James said Lily had picked it because she thought Remus would like it. It is a little stuffy, honestly. Something his parents might have stopped by and deemed adequate, which is to say, the beer is fucking overpriced, Jesus-

“I’ll have the Stout again, please”, Remus answers briskly, nodding at Sirius to order his.

“Uh, yeah, Stout. Cheers”, Sirius adds, dumping his bag beneath the table and trying to surreptitiously dry his hair in the napkin. Remus looks away as if embarrassed by him. Swot.

“So, you know Lily through school?” Sirius starts, unable to keep the boredom completely out of his voice. 

“Yes. I take it you know James through yours”, Remus answers, very politely but also sounding just as bored. 

“Yeah, grew up together”, Sirius nods. 

Remus doesn’t say anything to that, just hums and sips some water. 

It’s fucking awkward. Normally, Sirius would give him an ultimatum - ‘look, do you want to liven it up a bit and turn this into a fun one-night thing? Because otherwise, I’m not feeling it and I’ve got work to do.’

But Lily knows this guy, they have mutual friends, and if this isn’t what makes blind dates the most excruciating, hellish thing on earth, worse than job interviews, worse than-

“I don’t really do blind dates”, Remus says suddenly, and then blinks as if he hadn’t meant to say anything at all.

“Right”, Sirius says, bewildered. 

“I, er, the dating scene. Not really my thing”, he says quietly, still not looking Sirius in the eye, “But I just moved here from Wales and I don’t know anyone, so this doesn’t have to be… anything. Just-”

“Oh- oh yeah. Fine with me”, Sirius finds himself swallowing down a touch of regret, offended really, because he’s not used to someone not immediately being ready to come home with him. “I’m not really looking for anything and blind dates are, well - eugh, you know? Like, thanks, my friends think I can’t get laid on my own or something so they set me up with whoever they think isn’t a serial killer, like any gay dude will do-”

“Yes, well”, Remus says tightly, taking another sip, “I rather thought Lily knew me better than that.”

His tone is rather pointed and Sirius realises he’s let his mouth run. Well… to be fair, the guy is kind of a snob. What was Lily thinking anyway?

“Yeah”, he agrees through his teeth, crossing his arms and legs and sitting back in his chair to wait for his beer. Maybe he can make an excuse after one drink. He can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour and if this bloke doesn’t want to be a one-night stand, then he’d much rather be home. Alone.

“Is there anything around here you’d recommend?” Remus tries, voice clipped and still sounding slightly offended, “Restaurants? More importantly, ones you don’t recommend?”

“There’s a place that does turkey curry. It’s awful.”

“What? What curry?” The tightness in Remus’ face slips momentarily and he looks genuinely bewildered. He’s actually not a bad looker when he’s not frowning. 

“Turkey. It’s as bad as it sounds. Actually it’s worse, like eating a lamb burrito, it’s just not right. Shittest fucking curry and it’s as bad going in as it is bad going ou-”

“Two Stouts.”

The waiter delivers their beers and they fade off into silence as they drink. 

Remus sips delicately, in a way that’s completely inappropriate for a beer, and says awkwardly, “Yes well, thank you for the tip. I’ll rest easy never knowing what turkey curry tastes like.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you can avoid it then I guess this date wasn’t a waste after all.”

Remus blinks, expression dropping. 

Oh. Oh fuck. Double fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, Remus says abruptly and stands. He stalks away quickly and leaves Sirius gnawing at his lip and furious at both himself and this infuriating man who seems to loathe him, minutes after meeting him and who Lily apparently thinks is nice. 

He’s got other shit to be getting on with, he decides. And this bloke probably shags like a limp fish anyway, an Oxford type that thinks poetry is foreplay and once a month sex is scandalously frequent.

He drains his beer and half of Remus’ for good measure, and heads to the bathroom so he can catch Remus on his way out, only to hear his own name hissed furiously. He sees Remus standing out the front of the restaurant, shoulders raised against the cold and holding the phone to his ear. He steps closer and half opens the door to tell him he’s going to head off when he hears the conversation.

“... how did you think someone like Sirius would be good for me? After the hell I’ve had in the last year? Going on a date with someone like him? He showed up thirty minutes late, dressed like he’s going to a bar playing exclusively Metallica, and insulted me immediately. I told you, I don’t mind being alone for a while, especially after the divorce. I certainly don’t want to be shown around London by a rude, arrogant berk who dresses like a teenager and doesn’t seem to have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He probably thinks the bar scene is-oh”

Remus catches sight of him out of the corner of his eye and he spins. They stare at each other for a few excruciation moments, Remus still holding the phone to his ear. 

Sirius breaks the tension with a forced laugh, “Right. I’m definitely going home.”

“Wait, shit, I’ll call you back”, Remus mutters into the phone and hangs up, stepping forward but Sirius pushes past him, temper steadily rising into a roaring bonfire within his chest.

“Sirius, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You’re absolutely right, I wouldn’t know the first thing about showing a bloke like you around London”, he turns and says loudly so it carries over the sounds of the cars driving by on the busy street, “You’d be more comfortable in a fucking graveyard, honestly. There’s one ten minutes that way-” he turns his back and points over to the left, calling back over his shoulder, “You’ll find someone much more your speed there, Remus.”

Blind date disastrous as expected. 

Remus fucking Lupin, a professor extraordinaire who wouldn’t be able to find his funny bone if it conked him on the fucking head, is not an exception to the blind date rule, even though he’s easy on the eyes at first glance. At second glance, he is a miserable, dried up academic whose own self-importance has completely consumed him despite dressing like his grandfather for Halloween. 

If this is what my friends think of me, I need to sort my fucking shit out. 

I should have asked him to shag before he opened his stupid fucking mouth. 

[youredyingthatsallthereis]

kinktober day 23: fingering

soap fingers roach in a tent on an op

t4t soaproach because while i have not read everything (i dont really get to read much fanfic anymore honestly) i have never seen t4t soaproach so i making some myself

roach is bottom non op, soap keeps his pants on but hes got full metoidioplasty

read on AO3 | nonsenseafterdarks list! | word count: 565

"better keep it down, sergeant, unless you want someone comin' in and seein' you like this."

'this' was roach seated on the small folding table in captain mactavish's tent, pants around his ankles with soap between his legs, knuckle deep in his pussy.

"yessir - aaAHHH," roach whispered, letting his head fall back as soap bottomed out again, his middle two fingers as deep as the captain could get them.

“good soldier,” soap murmured into the crook of his sergeant’s neck. “though you probably could’ve waited until everyone else was asleep to come over here, he added, giving the sensitive skin a sharp love bite. “needy.”

roach dug his fingers into the table behind him, scrunching several papers that he later hoped weren’t important. “yes, sir.”

"just for me, aren't you?"

"yes sir," roach whispered, tensing his legs up while soap curled his fingers to pet along the top wall of his cunt.

"you don't have to lie, roach, i know you've fucked half the task force," soap said, pulling out of him just to push in harder and pull back out faster. "nobody else was enough though, aye? that's why you came runnin' to your captain and you keep comin' back. can't find anyone else who can give it to you this good, can you?"

"no....ah, no sir," roach said just a touch louder, knuckles turning light as the tips of his fingers dug harder into the table top, nails scraping over the bunched up papers while soaps fingers fucked in and out of him, deeper and deeper.

"best be careful, sanderson," soap breathed, kissing up the side of his neck. he was now so close to roach that their chests were almost touching. "you make a mess of my desk, you're cleanin' it up."

"yes - aahhhhhh, fuck, yes sir, yes yes yes - "

"go on then, get it all over me," soap egged him on, burying himself in his sergeants cunt to rub over his t dick, harsh and quick. "never met someone that squirts so hard, you really got somethin' special there, sanderson; so go on, let it out for me, give it to me now - "

roach smashed his face forward into soaps shoulder to muffle the shout when he did, squirting all over soap's hand and wrist, splattering the table and the ground with it.

"messy, soldier," soap chastised, as if he hadn't just encouraged the whole thing. he slowly pulled his soaked hand out of roach and rubbed gently over the tip of his cock. "start by cleanin' me off, aye?"

still breathing hard, roach picked up his head and nodded, twitching at the touch on his sensitive tip.

soap gave him no reprieve, using his clean hand to pull down roach's jaw and insert his slick, sloppy fingers into his mouth.

"hmmmmph," roach whined out, sucking and licking the taste of himself off his captains hand like he was being paid to.

"you do this for everyone, love, or save it for ones that get you off this good?"

roach looked at him, letting his mouth open a bit and slowly dragging his tongue up the crease between his middle and ring fingers. "only people that can fuck me this good."

soap chuckled as roach tilted forward and licked the squirt and slick off his palm. "so just me then?"

roach gave his hand one last lick. "just you, sir."

[squish36-writes-and-draws]

3 November: Unraveling

Hello everybody and welcome to Keefe wandering around in the forbidden cities, delivered to you each day dracula daily style! Yes the plot is inspired by the crane wives song that I then borrowed for the title. Anyway I'm not done writing this yet and school might make that an issue but I do have a buffer of about a week and a vague plan for where the story will go if keefe allows it so here's hoping for the best.

Word count: 674

General Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @corruption-exe @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sillyguy-supreme @void-kill @thefoxysnake

Unraveling Project Specific Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed/upgraded): @cutebisexualmess @crippling-pages @daizythegreat @sophiefostersno1stan @iggydancebreak @theleopardstalker @you-will-meet-your-downfall @multi-fandom-lunatic

TW: threats of physical violence against Cassius, mild Keefe angst over his new abilities

On Ao3 or below the cut!

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I once loved a tailor who took eager care of me Sewed together my loose ends with stitches neat and clean But now my love is gone And I am left unraveling Unraveling

Keefe Sencen's Journal

First day in the Forbidden Cities. No, not even that much. First half a day in the Forbidden cities. Four hours and counting. I still have ink stained on the side of my hand from the letter I left Foster Sophie. I’ve spent most of the day writing and rewriting phrases in my head, wishing I could go back and change things. Change everything. Not embrace the change and all that, but I guess that’s too much to ask now. Exile, I’d go back to before I was summoned into existence like the little science project I am and kick Cassius in the nuts if I were given the chance. Although then I don’t know how I would have existed to do that, but that’s beside the point. I’d figure out a way. Well, to be completely fair, I’d tell Dex to go figure it out but I’d trust him implicitly, which is basically the same thing. It’s a shame I fucked over his entire family before I left. I know I should try to tell myself that it’s just a matter of time, that Rex was always going to be talentless, but now Dex gets to lie to everybody about what could be one of the biggest aspects of Lex’s life. Ah, elvin culture. Such a fair and just system with no flaws whatsoever. Whatever Gisela’s plans are with me, I doubt that particular bombshell was one of them, but it’s something I’ll never forgive her or myself for. I can’t let her promote me from a pawn to a rook, although that's probably already happened. Maybe I’m supposed to be a knight stuck in a 3x3 board, but I’ve found another dimension. I’ve found a way to escape this game. 

Stars, look at this nerd using a chess metaphor unironically. I don’t know if that or the fact that I feel the need to justify myself to a piece of paper is worse. I just know I played (read: lost) a game of chess in some park today, and it was a surprisingly entertaining ten minutes of my life. It’s not like I had anything better to do. Or have anything better to do tomorrow. Or ever. It’s equal parts liberating and daunting that this could be the rest of my existence for thousands of years, or at least as long as the human authorities don’t figure out that I’m here. 

New life goal acquired: be the cranky old man in the park, a menace to society on a microcosmic scale. Just ever so slightly a burden to everyone’s existence. It’s not like I can do a whole lot to contribute to society with my lack of any valid identification or access to a birth fund. You can add that to the list of things I should have asked Dex about before I left, but no, I didn’t think through anything. I’m incapable of making rational decisions. Whatever. It’s still for the best. I’ll figure it out. 

And now I’m here, rambling my thoughts into a diary, of all things. I guess I don’t know why I felt the need to bring a notebook with me from the Forbidden Cities, let alone document my experiences, but it feels…surprisingly unfeeling. Not in the numb way I know is ever approaching on my horizon—I can feel the humans walking down the street blocks away without even trying—but right now, I’m in that perfect sweet spot of just using enough brain power to keep me from going off on three tangents simultaneously but not so much that I actually have to try, because there isn’t a faster way to get me to stop doing something than to make it require effort. I am nothing if not obscenely stubborn when it comes to being minimally productive, even if these last few hundred words are a testament to the opposite phenomenon.

I’m going to give this three days, max before I completely give up on this endeavour. Until then, I shall see thee to-morrow.

[hirsheyskisses]

Novel.

A Whole New World: Pt. 1

Summary: in this new world, you find yourself to be faced with a strange man. He claims to have friends, friends who can help. Help you from what? None of this, nothing in this world feels like your own.

Length: medium.

An: any questions or ideas? Ask away my sweets!

"Oh? Are you finally awake?"

Though soft, and cautious, the sudden voice caused you to practically leap to the ceiling. Your eyes locked onto a man, a man who stood just peeking around the corner at you.

Nothing about him appeared to be immediately threatening, but that didn't change the fact that you'd either been kidnapped, or some inter-dimensional portal had thrown you into his rather dusty house.

Let's be real, it's probably the first option, you think to yourself.

You didn't say a word. Instead, you eyed him. Your hands were raised in front of your body, prepared to perform self defensive tactics should the need arise.

"I'm not gonna hurt you. I don't even know how you got here,"

The male rounded the corner fully, allowing you a full view of him. As the sun glistened through, you made mental note of his appearance: he's slim, but doesn't seem weak. A two toned blue hair, dyed, you decided, golden earrings, piercing blue eyes- and heels? You dig it. Doesn't change the fact you don't trust him. He wore a tight black shirt and pants, but over that was a white cloak with what appeared to be card designs.

"Yeah right," you scoffed, "you do a horrible job kidnapping me and come up with an even worse lie! Atleast come up with something a little less lame than 'I don't know how you got here.'"

Was passing off your captor a good idea? Definitely not. But you did it anyways.

"Hey now," He complained, "you didn't even give me a chance to explain what happened! This is breaking and entering.

"Besides, if I was gonna kidnap you, I would've tied you up or something so you can't escape."

He tapped the side of his head as though forcefully visualizing the thought of 'logic' in your mind. Well fuck. He had a point, but that didn't make you trust him.

"I can guess by your reaction you're just as confused as I am. Or, was. You've been out for a couple of hours, and I had time to discuss with a friend possibilities of what could've happened.

"Allow me to introduce myself- I'm Ike Eveland. A novelist - you just so happened to be thrown into my house."

Ike, his name was. He stared at you expectantly, and you realized he wanted you to introduce yourself as well. Understandable.

"(Name.) (Full name.) ...nice to.. meet you? My memory feels fuzzy. ...so you're.. not a kidnapper?"

This time Ike let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. "No. I just happen to be who you stumbled across. Say, where are you from?"

It was concerning how comfortable Ike looked about this whole situation. Your mind felt fuzzy and you could barely even remember the answer the question he asked. Why was he so okay with this? What did he know that you didn't? More importantly, why didn't he call the cops on you?

"...From (location). Are we anywhere near there?"

"...huh? Where's that?"

"In (district/state) , (country). Why?"

Ike suddenly looked confused. You didn't understand why, so you threw out, "on (continent)." That made him even more confused, and he motioned down the hall. "...follow me."

As the he led the way, you realized what a long hallway this was. Dark, lit by candles, with doors that branched off into more halls, and the open rooms leading to boxes of many different themes. Your curiosity was gradually getting the better of you, and it took all of your self control not to ask a torrent of questions.

Ike walked in silence, deep in thought. The only sounds from him were the slight tap, tap, taps of his heels.

Soon enough he approached what you assumed to be an office: a rustic looking desk stacked with books, quills, and ink. He rummaged through papers before pulling out a map, spreading it out, and,

"Point to me where it is you come from."

"Well I come from-"

Slowly, you trailed off. Looking at the map, you realized something: the shape of their continents. They didn't look anything remotely similar to what you know! And.. Kingdoms. Kingdoms and Queendoms and lone territories covered the map instead of states or districts or sectors.

"...where AM i?"

You finally asked. Slowly but surely, fear settled in your gut.

Ike released a soft sigh, shaking his head. "That confirms Shu's suspicions. You're not even from here. I can tell from the look on your face," He was staring at you in total disbelief.

Whilst you were staring at him in absolute terror, too shocked - too scared to speak.

This had to be a dream.

"You're here, in Tamron Queendom. More specifically, Zhilford. Close to the palace, actually, less than two days travel." Ike explained, pointing at the map and where it was labeled Zhilford.

"...this is a dream. This is.. Ike, pinch me."

You were staring to shake. Ike mightve laughed at the request had he not seen the look of fear on your face. He reached over and gently pinched your arm, and watched your face fall completely.

"Hey. Listen, I'm not the one who should explain things. I only know Shu's suspicions, and he'll be back with the others in a bit. ..why don't I get you some water? We can ask each other questions, or you can have a look around."

Ike said kindly. Something in his eyes felt so reassuring. The former distrust you felt from him was evaporating, but you latched onto just a bit of that feeling. You couldn't relax. Not just yet.

"Sure, sounds good.. ...thanks."

Your voice was quiet. Ike could only imagine just how vulnerable you felt. You couldn't even process how he might feel.

Both of you went to the kitchen in an awkward silence. He got you a glass of water, and you sat by the island before finally, you had to ask.

"How are you.. so comfortable? You don't seem that shocked about this.. I mean. I get you're still in your world, but you must be confused. ..right?"

Ike hummed, as if in thought.

"Well.. I am confused. In many ways. Confused about how our lands don't seem to match up- curious how you got here. But magic does many unexplainable things."

"Magic?"

"Well, indeed. The world practically runs from the power of magic. Sorcery, witchcraft, or even the simple belief." Ike replied, taking a dip of his water.

"..but magic isn't real. It's just something made up to make kids have more imsgination."

"...huh?"

Ike looked absolutely dumbfounded by your comment, almost as if you'd slapped him.

"...magic is very much real! What world could you possibly come from where magic isn't real?" He asked, and you felt.. oddly defensive.

"I come from a world where one could say technology is our magic. We don't make portals or potions or fight with magical fire."

You explained sheepishly. Ike simply stared before adjusting his glasses.

"....magic is real. My friend, the one I said could explain better, is a sorcerer. Ones a former demon king, as well."

Had someone said this to you where you were from, you'd have laughed it off as some cringe kid. But now, you were almost finding it believable.

"Sorcerer? I hardly even know 'er!"

"I see our sleeping beauty is awake. You gave us quite a fright."

"Ohoo, you're awake? Nicee, man!"

"Pog!"

Four voices startled you out of your staring at Ike, and your head snapped around. Four unfamiliar faces peered back at you. Once again, that feeling of pure fear was rising in your stomach, and you slid off the island chair and slinked a bit closer to Ike.

The red-headed one in- what looked to be a cloak picked up on your unease quickly. You could tell from his step back. The other three, not so much.

"Names Shu Yamino! I'm the sorcerer, anddd.. you were indeed thrown by a portal here!"

"Mysta Rias, at your service!"

"I'm Luca! It's so pog to meet you!"

One was about ikes height, with- an odd bit of hair that you personally thought looked like a banana. The other wore what looked to be a fox hat and a big grin, and the third a very large man with tattoos, a fluffy cloak, and an even bigger grin than the lasts.

"I'm Vox Akuma. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The final voice- it was a dangerous voice. If this is a world where we consider fiction real, you thought, then he must be a siren. His voice, so deep and smooth, threatened to pull you into a state of calm so smooth you thought you'd die.

"Stop crowding them! In case you'd forgotten, they're still very overwhelmed." Ike finally spoke up, ushering them back a few paces. "Shu, your suspicions were right. I've never even heard of where they're from, and (name) doesn't even recognize our map. They've never heard of Tamron Queendom, let alone Zhilford."

Shu nodded, turning his attention to you. "The night you came crashing in here, I could feel an odd shift in energy. A bit of research led me to what happened - a shift in space, if you would. Alternate Worlds have always been a possibility. I'll give a bet that even your time had ideas and theories."

When you nodded, Shu continued on. The others were paying close attention as well.

"What could've happened, though I'm not really sure- was a spell gone horribly wrong, or a large gathering of magic in one space until bam!- space gets split open, and whatever is in that space gets dropped to the nearest world.

"In many worlds, but for this scenario I'll use ours, and even in this Queendom, we've gotten odd technology. We've never seen it before, though some we've been able to recreate. So advanced and confused. It's strongly believed they were due to openings in space.

"You, in any case, are a living example of it. Portals themselves are even harder to create. If you truly don't recognize the map, then it confirms the theory."

Shu inhaled, "so long story short, space go "weee" and snatch you. Make sense?"

Your head was absolutely spinning. It made sense but Jesus, he was so confident in his explanation! So many questions, but,

"...will I be able to go back home?"

The question all five of them had truly be dreading. The all looked downcast, and you understood. But then Shu perked back up and said,

"I'll do my best! I have connections and it'll be.. good for me to learn."

"Don't you worry bout a thing! You've got us now!" The large one, Luca, threw an arm around your shoulders and stared at you with the largest of grins. Mysta jumped in, "yeah bro! We can learn all about eachother."

"You aren't alone. We made the decision to help you assuming you weren't a crazy person. Which, you clearly aren't." Vox reassured. You noticed, and were thankful for, his respectful distance. It was all so, so overwhelming.

"..thank you."

The smallest of smiles finally found its way onto your face. Ike smiled as well, "who wants to show them around? I've got some errands to run."

"If it's all the same, Ike, I wanna tag along with you. Missed some shopping on my way here."

Which left you with the three jokingly crazies. Mysta, Shu, and Luca.

Luca was the first to perk up, "I'll do it! I claim this!" "Awh cmon man, no fair! Rock paper scissors me. Right now."

Mysta demanded. You couldn't help but snicker a bit- they treated this like some sort of honor to do. You met eyes with Shu and he grinned, waving a farewell as he whisked down the halls with a quick farewell.

"Rock, paper.. scissors!" Mysta threw rock, Luca threw rock. "Again! Rock, paper, scissors!" Luca threw scissors, Mysta threw paper. "Ohh damn it!" "Yes! Pog!" Luca and Mysta both said in unison.

You chuckled softly and Ike quickly spoke up to prevent a sulking Mysta, "you can show them around Zhilford later. Sound fair?"

"Oh finee. Ike said your name was (Name), right? Catch ya later!"

As the others made their exit, you felt that same sense of unease. Completely alone with another stranger.

Luca was still smiling at you, not the least bit bothered by your unease.

"Let's go! This place is huge! We actually only recently moved in," Luca explained to you, glancing around. "This be the kitchen! And over there," Luca pointed to a rather large room, "is the dining room." Three exits through the kitchen: one from the hallway, one large opening to the living room, and then a separate dining hall. Got it.

"Alright. Got it."

"Living room.." Luca carried on explaining rooms as they went. Bathrooms, pantry, storage rooms, apparently this place was an old abandoned castle the five had bought recently.

"And coming up, we have the library."

As the blonde man opened the door for you, you felt your jaw hit the floor. It was huge! Books of all different sizes and shapes and series with shelves that went to the roof and so many books.

You were in heaven.

Luca laughed, "you look even more awestruck than Ike did! Most of the books came with the place- but there's multiple empty shelves in the back Ike wants to fill up."

You glanced back at him with a childish smile, "I remember the first time I went to a Barnes and noble-" at the look of confusion on his face you added, "-big book store. It was heaven."

This was even more so heaven because one of these books may contain anything- even a hint- on how to get back. Luca must've thought the same.

"Say, (Name), what do you do where you're from?"

"I worked as a baker. What do you do?"

"Ohh, a baker? That's cool! Vox is the best cook, but I'm not so sure he can bake. I'm a mafia boss!"

He crossed his arms with pride, but that sent a shiver down your spine. "Mafia.. boss.. right.." You muttered, and Luca smiled in response. "Ya don't gotta be scared. I know I'm big n scary," he puffed out his chest a bit, which he had a rather- large chest- "-but as long as ya don't give me reason to think otherwise, you're under my protection!"

He reassured you, holding a hand out. Unsure what he wanted, you gave him an awkward- low high five? Which caused Luca to break into a fit of laughter as he grabbed your hand and shook it.

Of course that's what he wanted-

"I think you'll fit right in."

[jseobsky]

hi hi, me again!! had kind of a rough day so I was wondering if I could request some best friend!minjae fluff? like just a minjae hanging out with you trying to distract you and make you feel better kind of thing? hsjshjdksjshsj sorry it's not v specific idek myself what exactly I want I just know I need some comfort :(

Bad days like these.

Pairing ! bestfriend!Minjae x gn!Reader Synopsis ! after a bad day and only wanting to be hug by the blankets and watch your favourite show, your best friend Minjae comes to your door. Genre ! Fluff, hinted romantic ending but can be read as like platonic Warnings ! Swearing, haven't proof-read anything- W/C ! 0.8k a/n ! omg I hope you feel much better now!! I'm sorry to hear that :(( I'm also having a quite meh day, so this was also just what I needed. thank you for requesting!! I loved writing this KSJHSDKFJ

Main masterlist <3

There are days when you can fight against the whole world. Those days are the ones that people appreciate the most. I could’ve solved a world’s problem, and people would be happy. However, if I, for whatever reason wasn’t doing good one day, it wouldn’t count. People don’t count those moments as valid. People don’t count any moment as valid unless you are strong. But I can’t always be strong. 

There are days when all I can do is lie around. Those days are the ones I hate the most. I am ashamed of those days. Days where I try to hide behind a big screen. Sometimes trying to escape the little lie that I live in, in hopes of some comfort. People love to ignore my struggles. People ignore you unless you are fighting. But I can’t always fight.

Today is one of those days. Watching TV seemed the best answer to today’s mood. The characters hold each other as I hold my plushy. “You don’t have to be strong” Says one of the characters. “I know, but it’s hard” They hold each other even closer. Their breathless voices quivering at each word. “When moments like these, please call out my name. I’ll be there, whenever you ask for me, wherever you ask for me” Oh shut the fuck up. I wanna cry now. “Please just let me help you” Said the same character, reaching to kiss the person they were holding. Fucking finally after 14 episodes. “Mia. I” He breathed out. Ding, ding, ding. Who dares interrupt their moment ffs. I walk towards the front door, random objects are lying around the floor as I walk. I walk past some school books, some clothes that I must have thrown, and some random papers that might be more important than how I’m treating them. I finally reach the door and open it. 

The cold air hits my face as soon as I open the door. Outside, the sky was dimmed, definitely a representation of how I felt. Even with my tear-stained face from the scene, I was just watching, I get to smile. “I hate you” I say out loud. Minjae, who was standing outside my door with a big puffy jacket, and a big grocery bag, slapped his empty hand on his chest and gasped. “How dare you. Should I turn around?” I stopped him from turning around completely and pulled him inside. “How did you know?” I asked. “You changed your Instagram notes from BARBIE NEW MOVIE I CAN’T to: alexa play voices by stary kids” Minjae said while taking his shoes off. “You only do that when you’re sad as fuck” “Touché” I say while grabbing his bag I walk again towards the couch. He follows behind me, crouching down for a moment to pick my music notes and placing them on the table they fell from, not before shaking his head. I take interest in the scene again. 

Although I couldn’t see more of the scene, now being paused again a little less than a second before their kiss. I make an annoyed face and turn to look at Minjae who paused my show. “What happened?” He asked. “If I ignore my problems, they won’t hurt” He got a little closer. “They will, and you know it. That or you’ll end up punching someone” I gasp. “Okay, that was ONE time. And the guy deserved it anyways so who’s the one at fault?” “Still you, that guy just approached you because you were crying, you looked at him, flirted with him, and when he said he didn’t like stray kids you punched him” I giggled remembering the moment, the second I look at Minjae again he’s looking serious so I straighten my posture. “Still his fault, he said that I was jobless bcs I liked those stupid dancing boys and that I spent too much money on them after talking about my collection” “How much of that is true?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Not my point” I pouted jokingly. 

“Okay let’s do this. I help you escape from your problems” I nod. After waiting for two seconds and him not continuing I ask. “Aaand?” “Nothing, you just get bragging rights because you got the best friend in the entire world” “Well that’s arguable, Felix is Hyunjin’s best friend so like” Minjae stands up. “Okay sorry, sorry, you’re the best, you’re the best” I grab his arm again and pull him towards me, making him fall on the sofa. We stay laughing for a bit, but our laughs come to a stop when we hear the show playing again. Minjae hugs me closer to him and we start watching the show from where it was left. “You don’t have to be strong” Says Minjae after a while, him looking me directly into my eyes. I nod. “I know, but it’s hard” He hugs me closer. He pets my head and smiles. “I’ll make the pain go away, I promise.”

[local-crying-boy]

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ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ᴊʀ || ᴘɪᴇᴛʀᴏ ᴍᴀxɪᴍᴏꜰꜰ || ᴀɴ ᴍᴄᴜ ꜰᴀɴꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

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𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚊𝚜𝚏

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚢: 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝙽𝚒𝚔𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚒 𝙱𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛, 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚞𝚕𝚔 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚞𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕.

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 410

Masterlist

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ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ᴊʀ - ᴘʀᴏʟᴏɢᴜᴇ

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I don't remember exactly when I was aware, let alone told, that - well. for started - my Dad could turn into a green, rage giant and that I could possibly be able to do the exact same thing, give or take some expectations and such.

It wasn't until I was in my teen years that I started to realise the severity of the possible outcome, having powers and such. It wasn't until then that I started to feel terrified of the possibility, started to feel scared of my own emotions. Until I started to fear myself.

Of course, I would never tell my Dad any of this. I wouldn't want him to worry over ever single small thing that I felt, just in case I ended up turning into said green, rage giant. In addition to that, I didn't want him to feel guilty for unintentionally giving me these doubts and worries just by giving me his genes.

I was afraid, though. Terrified. I was a pretty, let's say, emotive kid. Hell, I was an 'emotive' teenager. I had gotten into fights and scraps at school, I had gotten too many detentions to count, yelled at so many of the students and teachers that it was never a surprised to either of my parents when they got that same phone call from the school, or the same request to come to the school.

I'm sure you can imagine how having the realisation that these emotions could trigger that certain genetic that would cause me to turned into some destructive force of nature only capable of anger and destruction could make me start to feel absolutely fucking scared.

To put it simply, being as anxious as me, coming to the realisation that every small emotion that hits a little too much then usual could turn me into some giant, green thing, made me a little more anxious than usual and, therefore, caused me to act out much more.

"Nick." My name was being called, a little louder than I had actually expected it to be. I turned my head around, my eyes locking with my dad's.

"Yeah?" I asked, after he had given me a small look that told me he was expecting me to answer.

"You're listening, right?" He gave me a quick look, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in my head.

I gave my dad a half-convincing nod, my voice quick and my words a clear lie that he would usually be able to pick up on. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm listening, yep."

"Alright..." He said slightly dragged out, looking down at the 'Avengers work', the various papers scattered across the dining room table. "So your thoughts?"

My thoughts...?

"Oh, yeah, of course, I agree with you." I quickly said with a nod, not necessarily wanting him to know that I was actually zoned out the entire time he was talking to me.

He gave me a small nod before he continued to talk about something that I quickly lost interest in, and I continued to stare into space as he was explaining whatever he was actually planning on working on with Stark.

As my dad continued his explanation, I was more focused on the whole thinking about whether or not my emotions would end up being my downfall. If they would be the reason I turned into a monster that everyone feared.

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Series Masterlist

[eashmo]

7 minutes in hell, or is it heaven? Part 12

-There are Stranger Things out there-

Warnings: abuse and angst.

a/n: if ya’ll could'nt tell the time line is totally fuck up from how the show is. also this chapter gave me trouble i didnt want to write it.

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*Billy pov *

 I was relaxing on my bed  flipping through a new rolling stones magazine when I heard my fathers angry voice ringing through the quiet house.

“William! Get your ass down here, right now!” I shivered at my father’s voice, speedily jumping up from my bed, and quickly went downstairs. “You needed me, sir?”

Neil walked over to susannand whispered in her ear. She looked at Billy like she wanted to say something to him but shook her head and left. She always wanted to say something. She just never did.

 “Where the fuck is maxine?” Neil snaps. 

“I don’t know, sir. She is probably at the movies or arcade” 

“You let her go alone?”

“She's old enough to take care of herself.”

“You know what I’m done playing these games. I’m done with your fucking additude”. He slaps me across the face. 

“What did we talk about?”

“Respect and responsibility.” 

“Fucking find your sister!’ instead of staring at yourself in the fucking mirror faggot and get her home immedially” he spats while dragging me out of the house throwing me on the ground next to my car.

I headed to Sinclair's house first, but mrs. Sinclair said that the kids were probably at the wheeler's house.

I rang the doorbell to the wheeler's house, but there was no answer, so i tried again. The door opened to a woman wearing just a robe, her hair slightly wet. She must have gotten out of the shower or something. 

“Oh Hi”  I smiled at her.

“Hi” she softly says. She stared at me in awe, this is going to be fun, i thought. Using my charm to get information faster. 

“I, uh, didn't realize Nancy had a sister. She chuckles lightly. 

 “What's so funny?”

“I'm Nancy's mother.” she laughs. 

Chuckling in disbelief  “Mrs. wheeler”

“Um, I'm sorry, and you are you?” she stammers.

“Billy, Billy hargrove.” I said as I took her hand delicly.

“You must be here for Nancy.”

“Nancy? No, no. Not my type. uh…. “ I noticed she had a glimmer of hope behind her eyes. Sorry, mrs. wheeler im taken. I smile to myself. “No, actually, I am looking for my little sister Max. goes by maxine. She's been missing all day, and, uh, to be honest with you, I've been worried sick, you know, so….”  Not going to lie to myself. i was actually starting to get a little worried about Max. 

“Oh”

“I thought she was at Lucas", but Mrs. Sinclair said your house is the designated hangout, so, you know…"I leaned on the door frame, smirking slightly “here i am.” 

“Come on in, i give you the byer's address.'' She says, opening the door more for me to follow her inside.

“Their driveway is pretty dark this time of night. So drive slowly.” She handed me a piece of paper.

“Always” I smiled at her.

“And when you see Mike tell him to come home already, okay?”

“You’re a real lifesaver, you know that?” I said as I took a bite of a cookie she offered. 

“Anytime.”

“I’ll see you later.” walking out the room i can feel her eyes on me. Chucking, y/n is going to kill me if she finds out I let mrs. wheeler eye fucked me but i needed the inforation for my sake. 

*small time skip*

I pulled up to the byers' house. I see Harrington standing at the front door. “Am I dreaming, or is that you, Harrington?”

“Yeah, it's me. Dont cream your pants.”

“What are you doing here, amigo?”

“I could ask you the same thing, amigo, y/n isn't here, by the way.”

“I'm not looking for her, I'm looking for my stepsister. A little birdie told me she was here.”

“Huh, that's weird. I don't know her.”

“Small, redhead, bit of a bitch.” 

“Doesn't ring a bell. Sorry, buddy.”

Sighing “you know, i don't know, this whole situation, Harrington, i don’t know. It's giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“Oh, yeah? Why is that?”

“My 13 year old sister goes missing all day. And then I found her with you in a stranger's house. And you lie to me about it.”

He chuckles. “Man, were you dropped too much as a child, or what? I don't know what you don't understand about what I just said. She's not here.”

“Then who is that?” I pointed my cigarette at the window behind him. He turned, and we saw the kids duck. 

“Oh,shit. Listen….” he started to say before I pushed him to the ground. I leaned over “I'm going to let this slide because you're your y/n friend.” marching to the door, I swung it open to see the kids all staring at me. I saw how close Lucas was next to Max, and that made me furious.

“Well, well, well. Lucas Sinclair. What a surprise.” I say as I walk towards him. Looking over to Max “I thought I told you to stay away from him, max.”

“Billy, go away” she says.

“You disobeyed me. And you know what happens when you disobey me. I break things.” I pushed Lucas against a corner shelf roughly. 

“Billy!, stop!.” she screams. 

“Get off of me.” Lucas says as he struggles under my grip.

“Since Maxine won't listen to me, maybe you will. You stay away from her, you hear me?” I growled.

“I said," Get off me! "” he knees me in the balls, i quickly let go.

“You're so dead, Sinlcair!” 

“No. You are.” Steve turns me away from Lucas and punches me in the jaw. I started to laugh. "LOOKS LIKE THERE'S STILL SOME FIRE IN YOU AFTER ALL! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO MEET THIS KING STEVE EVERYONE HAS BEEN TELLING ME SO MUCH ABOUT!"

“Get out.” was all he said, pushing me back. I threw a punch, but he dodged it, he manages to land a punch on my jaw again.

The kids start yelling “kick his ass, steve!

“Get him!

“Murder the son of a bitch!”

I hit him with a plate and got the upper hand, and continued to land punches on his jaw. “Now one tells me what to do!” I yelled. Steve is a bloody mess on the floor.

“Billy? Kids? What the fuck is going on?” I froze when I heard the y/n voice. “Shit im in trouble” I thought, Steve realized that I stopped and he pushes me into the fridge, a demented dog looking thing fell out onto my lap.

“What the fuck is that?!” i say.

*y/n pov*

I pulled up to the byers house, and I noticed Billy's car  was here, “weird why is he here” I said to myself as i got out of mine. I could hear screaming and yelling coming from the house. I ran to the door thinking we were under attack by demodogs again. I had my nail bat ready and slammed the door open, expecting creatures  but what I found was  my boyfriend beating the ever living shit out of my best friend. 

“Billy? Kids” what the fuck is going on?” I yelled. I noticed Billy froze to my voice and suddenly he was on the floor with a dead demodog on his lap.

“What the fuck is that?!” was all he said. 

“Fuck dustin, why did you have to put in the the fridge.” i say. Great, now I'm going to have to explain everything to Billy, who is probably going to think his girlfriend has gone crazy.

“This is a ground- breaking scientific discovery. We can't just bury it like some common mammal, okay? It's not a dog.” he says as he picks it up from Billy's lap, who was still in shock. 

“Billy?” i say. He doesn't look at me. 

“Baby?” he finally looks at me. “ I'm going to explain everything, so please listen closely…. Okay?” he shook his head, yes. Taking a deep breath.

“The year before you got here, something strange happened to Hawkins. It all started when Will byers went missing, and a girl named Eleven suddenly showed up. El made cross-dimensional psychic contact with the hive mind and opened the "Mothergate" at Hawkins Lab. Somehow, the Mothergate’s creation also caused the Upside Down to transform from its original state and become a perfect copy of the human world, during that time a Demogorgons came through terrorizing both Will in the upside down and our town.” i looked at him carefully. He just sat quietly listening to me. I continued.

“Do you remember when I said i had a brother?” I asked.

“Yes,” he says softly.

“Mikey died at middle school trying to protect the kids from a demogorgon. While I was upside down helping Joyce and Hopper find Will. We managed to get Will back. But he didn't come back nearly like his old self. Recently, he's been having visions about a creature we are calling a mind-flayer, which now has made Will a host. The thing that fell on you was a demodog, a smaller version of a demogorgon. I know all this sounds crazy and I understand if you think I'm crazy but this is what's happening in the hell hole of a town. I wanted to tell you for so long, but I did it to protect you from this, and the government made us promise not to tell anyone." I breathed. 

“You're right. This is crazy and you are crazy, but…. Strangely, I believe you.”  he says, taking my hands. 

“Max, how long have you known?” he asks her.

“Since last year.” she says

“Jesus” he sighs in disbelief. 

"Guys, i have located where hopper dug the entrance to the tunnel," i say to Steve and the kids. as they geared up to help with the mission.

"Baby, i know you're trying to process everything, but we may or may not have to go in an alien vine tunnel thing right now to help save the world."

"oh fucking fantastic" he says as runs after me and the group.

Previous Chapter

Part 13

Masterlist

2023

[riewritten]

i only remembered the existence of this request after finishing the drabble KJDKJKSDS IM SORRY it's totally far from it but quite the same vibes so I hope this will suffice??@?#?@

i was just summoned to a part-time work meeting at 9 fucking pm while working on my 12-pg major paper, so I figured I needed to destress. that said, this ain't proofread!

SILLY FAVORS

ERWIN X FEM!READER, ERWIN X YOU, NO Y/N

SUMMARY: You're the new neighbor of this random bachelor named Erwin Smith and you subtly—or so you thought—work around gaining his favor.

WORDS: 1.2k | AO3

It's as if doing them silly favors blooms the flowers on top of your head.

By morning, you'd start by including his plants whenever you water yours because he and his father seem too busy to do so. Whenever Erwin is out but his father is home, you’d knock at the door with a Tupperware of some meal you prepared. The old man will ask you to eat it with him but you'll deny and say that you're just on your work break—a thoughtful lie, perhaps, as you don't trust yourself not to hyperventilate with the knowledge that you're inside his giant handsome son's territory.

When you're finally off your shift, you'd sweep around the neighborhood then include his home while you're at it—all the while hoping that you'd be back inside before Erwin passes by. Despite the overwhelming infatuation, you don't want to be seen and make your feelings known.

Because what if he's actually a jerk? What if he's married? What if he's actually a dad, which wouldn't be too far-fetched because—

The doorbell rings.

—because of how buff and mature and fine he actually looks? What if he deems me as someone creepy trying to make my way to him through his poor old man?

Alongside is a voice calling your name.

What if I'm already obsessed with him that my deepest darkest desires could seep out without even talking? See, see, my mind is even imagining him knocking at my doorstep right now!

The doorbell rings and your name is called again, "Are you there?"

It was all but imagination. He is here!

Clearing your throat and trying to tone down the thrill in your nerves, you slowly open the door with head peaking, "Oh hi, Erwin… Mr. Smith's son, right? How may I help you?"

He's wearing his usual suit—not quite sure but he seems to be working in some university—and the Tupperware you gave his father is on his hands. "I heard you've been a great help to my dad lately," a welcoming genuine smile plastered despite a tad tired demeanor.

You'll never wash this piece of plastic again.

"Don't sweat it. It's just that I always end up cooking too much. I'm not used to living all by myself yet," you open the door wider to receive the Tupperware, "I'm glad your father likes my food, though! And I hope I'm not much of a bother."

"If anything, we're the ones bothering you. You're the one new in this town and yet—"

"Oh, no! Please don't think that way. I just don't have too much to do since I work from home and—" then you realized, "oh my god wait I'm so sorry am I bothering you guys by watering your plants every morning?"

He shakes his head with a reluctant chuckle, "In fact, the tomatoes harvested really well because of you," then gives you a plastic bag full of it, "would you mind?"

Goodness gracious, these tomatoes are going to be framed on the wall.

"Framed? Why?"

Fuck.

"I-I mean, my silly morning routine bore fruits, who wouldn't be grateful?"

"You also end up segregating the trash of the whole block. You'll become the neighborhood's hero at this point."

It was intentional; no one would notice my infatuation that way.

"Sorry, I'm just a bit too bored." Scared that your facade will slip if this talk ensues further, you excuse yourself. "I have some chores to do now. Thank you, Erwin! Please have some rest too."

Much to your confusion, he didn't gesture to leave yet. "So, you wouldn't be available if we ask you to eat dinner with us?"

"No," oh my god, why did I say no? How do I take that back? How do I take that back— "I think I'll knock at your father one of these days to tell him my availability. Would that be fine?"

"Okay. Hope to hear from you soon, then."

When the door finally closed, your knees gave up and you propelled a squeal while covering your mouth.

It is until you heard him laugh weakly outside that you realized you shouldn't have done that. Perhaps you should've covered your mouth more, or was aware beforehand that he seems to be sharp with your cues. Oh, no. You really might be terribly obsessed with him that your fluster slipped that easily.

Due to embarassment, you scheduled the watering routine way earlier; maybe that'd lower the chances of bumping into him.

This breezy calming daybreak, however, while tiptoeing around fences to sprinkle his precious leaves with water, your solace got terribly rattled.

It’s him, seated on a bench with a cup of coffee in his hand. Despite the cold breeze, he is wearing a white shirt too fit for his body. As if you're not flustered enough, you figured the sight of his broad arms would cause your death.

"Why are you so cautious in watering our plants?"

"Since when have you been there?"

Both questions were asked at the same time so he initiated to answer, "An hour ago. I actually went out first before you." he doesn’t seem repulsed, though. If anything he’s trying to hide a sneer.

Okay, to put it simply;

He saw the way you cautiously turned your head all over the surroundings before stepping out of the door. He was watching as you stared at his plants for five minutes with a fond smile. He was listening while you were singing and grooving and sweeping across your garden.

You silently covered your mouth in realization, too taken aback to even process the shame.

But before it could intimidate you, Erwin offered a cup. "I am just about to call you for this coffee but watching you tiptoe towards me got a bit too amusing."

"Oh my god," you shot him a truly horrifying look. "How would I fight the urge to run back into my house with tears when you say it that way?"

"The poor coffee will get cold. Would that help you fight the urge?"

"Oh my god," you realized it again. "You made that for me?"

"I'm actually quite nervous that you don't drink coffee. Do you?"

"I do!" Even if you don't, you will!

He casually reached for your hand to let you hold the cup yourself; the slight contact sent a tremendous jolt all over your body. You were ushered to their garden table afterward but before sitting down he remarked, "You didn't knock to tell my father about your availability."

"I forgot." you lied, "It's been how many days since then? Three? I'm so sorry."

"He said your schedule of watering plants is around six in the morning. You've been an hour early since then.”

"C-change of routine?"

He hummed in acknowledgment and teased further, "Have you finally figured out the amount of food to cook every lunch, though?"

Well, you stopped knocking at their door to bring his father excess dishes. However, "How did you know that much? Where were you the past few days?"

"I'm working at home for a while. I'm kinda looking forward to your lunch meals, though. My father loves it more than my cooking."

"I'm cooking steak for lunch today!" you blurted out. Oh god, that was supposed to be cooked this weekend! "Want some? I can bring a Tupperware to—" He shook his head no. "Oh... okay.”

"We'll cook it together this dinner," he sipped his coffee, "We'll help you."

I'll die of a heart attack.

"Don't worry, I'll cool down the house for you."

Not only did he hear you again, but he also knew damn well what it was about. Like earlier, he riled your fluster up instead of consolation, "Fight the urge to run back with tears now, though. Not until you finished that coffee."

i made this for like 2 hrs and this was the best 2 hrs of my day lol. also, this is not a one shot anymore. i love dadwin and im gonna project thru this fic.

[yourflowersfirst]

day 1,403

pages 117-124

my whole body was shaking, trembling, like an animal left to freeze outside. i couldn’t remember this last time i was this mad, this vehemently angry. 

“i fucking hate this. i want them to pay for what they did to me,” my voice rose an octave every few words. “why? why me? why did i have to endure all that? that goddamn..?” 

my on and off therapist of 8 years just looked at me sadly. “i wish i had an answer for you. i am so, so sorry. all i can help you do is get through this, the now."

the response was this: i picked up some of the throw pillows, amazon brand, off the couch, and i threw them angrily across the room. “i don’t want pity. i want… i don’t know what i want. jesus. shit. retribution.” i was shouting now. so loud i was sure the people in the other office buildings next door could hear the shake in my cadence. 

i was angry, of course, but all the anger was directed at myself. how i could let this happen. i was still pillow soft and honey sweet, but do you know the violence it took for me to get that gentle?

my therapist got up and got me a cup of water. she brought it over to me, also putting the pillows back, a tentative gesture. it did nothing. the water spilled to the floor, tears streaming down my face. my voice was still loud, but shakier now. “i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry. tell me what to do to stop feeling this way, please, just tell me. i’ll do anything.”

she said nothing. she simply got paper towels to dab up my mess. 

i walked out of her office in a sweaty panic, right after i coughed up my whopping $50 copay. shoutout to shitty american health insurance. i knew i was in no state to drive though, so i sat in my car, the midday sun warming every bone in my body, as i took deep shuddering breaths the way rashel instructed me to. in through my nose. hold for 10 seconds. slow exhale through my mouth. repeat. try to ignore the tears still making their way down my face. grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn snow white. do not vomit. do not vomit.

the focused breathing helped a little bit. i sat in my car for… i don’t even know how long. 20 seconds or 20 minutes, it all felt like a haze. i eventually checked my phone: 13 messages i still hadn’t replied to. apple maps told me it was a 16 minute drive home, and i opted to drive home rather than text a bunch of people back. a conversation took too much effort and i really did not want to start crying again, or worse, get angry and lash out. i’d already done that enough in my life. 

the drive back to my childhood home passed in a dissociative blur. i didn’t get into an accident, so- silver linings, i guess. once home, i replied to as many texts i could stomach, and i laid down. my anger from earlier finally cooled off, the hatred and need for justice coming down from a hot boil. a relief, truly, because when you get in such a state, you sometimes fear you will feel that way forever. time stretches on long, reality distorted. you start to feel as though everyone is out to hurt you and tear you apart, especially men. your skin will turn to steel, and one wrong look from someone, especially men, will make you spew out venom, strong enough to kill. 

later that night, at dinner, once my parents were home- the conversation had stilled a bit. my sister was out with izzy and halee, so it was just me, mamascookies, and my dad. my mother had made butter noodles and pork chops, food i was picking at with my fork. i was still terrified of calories, of imaginary numbers.

“how are your summer classes going?” my mother prompted in between bites.

i shrugged, deciding to omit the fact that i’d dropped my session B summer classes. these actions would have consequences later. “good. i finished my essay. i hate excel, though.” at least that last bit wasn’t a lie on its own.

“it’s good to learn,” my father said, finally speaking to me for the first time in 2 days. “we need to go over your taxes soon, i’ll show you how to make a table for it.”

i groaned. “why do you hate me?” causing my mother to laugh a little, and my father to roll his eyes. i mimicked him, rolling mine as well. even though i knew my taxes were an issue i needed to address. i had no professional work scheduled and i’d owe close to $8,000 come april 15, meanwhile i had maybe $300 in savings. i hated myself. 

once i sufficiently avoided most of my dinner (“you hardly ate!” “i’m not hungry- it’s my meds, plus i ate a snack earlier.”) i headed upstairs to watch succession and try to ignore my thoughts. still rattling around my brain like heavy rocks. 

my days that summer were often boring, even if i had random outbursts of emotion, and mood swings so intense i’d get physically dizzy. staying in ohio for 2 months had definitely become like a prison to me, surrounded by memories that brought on flashbacks and night terrors whenever i tried to sleep. i’d wake up at 4 am, my dog concerned because i’d been screaming quietly, the total darkness of my room suffocating. i’d go downstairs to get water, try to settle my racing heart, and i’d often accidentally wake up my mother, ever a light sleeper. “what are you doing up?” she’d inevitably ask. “couldn’t sleep,” i’d always reply, my hands trembling, the nightmares still vivid and clear in my half awake brain. my mom would always sigh and tell me to just go to bed. despite it being 3 years ago, i still had bad dreams about kyle at least twice a week.

that night was no different. i don’t always have night terrors, especially when i’m living in arizona, but i felt haunted that week in particular. therapy was good for me, i knew, but i hadn’t gone to therapy since 2019. a lot happened in 4 years, a lot i didn’t want to unpack for this reason. healing often feels like reopening wounds and pouring salt into them. being aware of this did not help me, especially when i was awake at 4:27 in the morning, my bangs sticking to my forehead and nausea creeping its way through my nervous system. i wanted to take dramamine and hydroxyzine until i passed out, but i was out of both.

i eventually did fall back asleep after distracting myself with music. music helped more than people did anymore. i woke up the next day at around ten, a zombie, ready to start over. at least my sister seemed okay. she’d gotten in around midnight, also slept late, and had more plans with izzy and halee later that day. i tried very hard not to be jealous at all.

i’m probably not even a person. i'm a bug. ask anyone who has ever loved me, if they even exist. i never text, i never call, i hardly think about myself at all. i lay in a swamp of my misery, the water turned to sludge over my poor heart years ago, thick and impossible to remove. my exhaustion will consume me and i’m too tired of the truth. 

sometimes i pray so hard for god to materialize at the foot of my bed that it starts to happen; then i beg it to stop, and it does. it scares me so bad that i think i’m going to die soon, the back and forth never ending, any human interaction i have is close to god damn meaningless. 

it’s your privilege to find me incomprehensible and unwanted. i gave you a few minutes, you can keep them long after i’m gone. i’m full of suicides, of rotting corpses, of brittle skeleton, of huge pieces of flesh, infecting the remaining parts of me. maybe i am already dead and i don’t know it yet. 

[kissorkill16]

You'll Get Through This: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: 16 year old Nicky Roth and a suicide attempt.

Nicky jolted upwards out of his slumber, breathing heavily and sweating uncontrollably. He had another nightmare, and it was one of the worst nightmares ever since the grocery store.

He was in Mr. Peterson's basement. The large man towered over him, holding a butcher knife. He couldn't move, he couldn't scream, he couldn't do anything. All he could do was lie there, petrified, and wishing this man would just get it over with already.

Nicky immediately ran to the bathroom, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like a hot mess. Messy hair, sweaty face, he looked like he just ran a whole 78 miles.

He couldn't take it anymore. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the pain, the bullying, the near death experiences. He hated his life. He just wanted it all to stop.

He turned on the sink, and splashed some water in his face, when he looked at himself in the mirror once again, he saw the scared little boy he once was. 13 year old Nicky Roth, a stupid little boy who ruined his entire life to find his only friend who he had something in common with.

The same stupid little boy who ruined his friendship with so many other people, the same stupid little boy who damaged his reputation, the same stupid little boy who made him and his parents look bad in front of the entire city of Raven Brooks.

The next thing he saw was a black figure. The figure took the shape of Aaron, Mr. Peterson's last living child. The last thing he heard before he jolted backwards and fell in the bathtub was...

"I warned you, Nicky. I told you to never come back."

Nicky grasped the sides of his head, and let out a blood curdling scream. He ran back to the mirror, angry and lost in his head, and he started punching the glass until his knuckles started to bleed. When he was done, there was nothing left of the mirror, and his knuckles looked like they've had better days.

Nicky opened the bathroom cupboard under the sink, and grabbed his mother's sleeping pills. Then he ran to his room, took out a piece of paper and pencil. He began writing...

Dear World,

I'm sorry, but I can't take it anymore. I can't take anymore nightmares, pain, regret, hallucinations, nothing. I've lost all of my friends, all of my sanity, all of the trust anyone has ever had in me, I've lost everything. I'm finally going to be with my bubba (grandmother), and I'll finally be free from this hell I call my life. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. I'll miss you.

Sincerely,

Nicholas Michael Roth

He emptied the container of pills into his hands, and stuffed them all into his mouth. But before he could swallow a single pill, his door swung open.

"NICKY!"

It was his mother. She frantically ran to Nicky, slapping the container out of his hands, and gripping his cheeks.

"Spit them out!"

Nicky shook his head.

"Nicholas Michael Roth, spit out all of those pills right fucking now!"

Nicky didn't want to, but he did anyway. As he spat them out, he started crying uncontrollably.

Just then, his father walked in. Immediately growing concerned when he saw his son crying. "Oh, holy shit! Nicky, what happened?!", he asked.

"I just caught our son trying to kill himself."

Jay's eyes widened in shock. He sat down on the bed, next to Nicky. He was scared to touch him since he was currently having a breakdown.

"Nicky, it's okay, honey."

"No, stop that. No it's not!"

"Nicky-"

Nicky unleashed another scream. "STOP IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, MOM! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE NIGHTMARES, PAIN, PTSD HEART ATTACKS AND FLASHBACKS, NO MORE!"

Nicky continued crying. "Just please let me end it. I hate myself so fucking much right now. I want to die! Everything hurts so bad."

Jay and Luanne hated seeing their baby like this. They wrapped their arms around Nicky, a warm and comforting embrace.

"Let me end it. Let me end it. Let me end it.", the scared boy kept saying.

"Narf. Look at me.", said his father.

Nicky turned his head to look at him.

"We're not going to keep telling you it's okay, because we know you know it's not. But we just want to let you know that we're here for you. We're here to listen this time."

"Your father's right, Nicky. I know we weren't there for you when you needed us before, and we regret it, knowing it's the reason you went missing. But just know, we're ready to listen now. We're ready to be better parents.

Nicky pondered for a moment, but he finally opened up his mouth to speak.

"I guess I've been feeling pretty angry and sad."

He stopped for a moment, checking to see if they were really listening. When he saw they were, he continued talking.

"Angry because no one would believe me when I said Mr. Peterson was the reason Aaron and Mya were missing. And sad because I lost all of my friends, and I felt like I've been abandoned."

Nicky felt like crying again.

"Everyone was against me in Raven Brooks, everyone thought I was crazy. No one believed me, they said I didn't have enough proof, but there was a truckload of proof right under their noses. They just refused to look at it! No one cares about missing children. No one cares about bullying. No one cares about the death of a child-"

As Nicky said all of this, he felt his throat start to close up, and his eyes began flooding up with tears. Before he knew it, he was crying again. His father's arms wrapped tighter around him.

"Narf, that was Raven Brooks. We're not in Raven Brooks anymore."

"Exactly. We're in Shelbyville. It's better than Raven Brooks. There are really great schools, and interesting after school programs, there's even a neighborhood watch."

Joking seemed to be helping a little bit, because Nicky started to smile.

"Yeah.", he said. "There are a few good restaurants nearby, and a decent police station. And it normally takes a week to find missing people."

They all laughed.

"But seriously, Narf.", his dad said, "You're not alone anymore. You're going to get through this. You might not get through it immediately, but I swear, you'll get through it. You'll feel better, and boom! No more nightmares or flashbacks, and no more suicidal thoughts."

Nicky smiled and snuggled into his father's chest.

"And I'm sorry we doubted you, Nicky. We love you so much.", said his mother.

"I love you guys too, so very much.", replied Nicky.

They all engulfed themselves in a big group hug. Nicky knew now that he wasn't alone anymore, and he was going to get through this, no matter what or how long it took.

[garebearandnan]

Operation Nope begins…

New Chapter out. ‘A Bit of Me’ - Day 10 Part 1.2

CLICK ON LINK to read full chapter on WATTPAD: 

CLICK ON LINK to read full chapter on A03:

SUMMARY: The new couples get settled in, but cracks are already starting to appear. The Islanders take part in a compatibility challenge called, ‘Meet your Match’.

NOTE: This challenge is similar to Love Island TV show, S4 UK & S2 AU. The girls are tasked with ranking the boys from who they're most to least compatible by placing a heart-face emoji 😍 on the most compatible and a sad face on the least compatible. 😢

Brief sampling below of challenge:

Narrator Iain Stirling: It’s time for a challenge, and this one’s called ‘Meet Your Match.’ When our Islanders applied, they filled out detailed questionnaires. We have shamelessly stolen a load of confidential information from the  questionnaires for ‘The Compatibility Test’. And ran it through a complex algorithm on the Love Island supercomputer. Nay, okay, we showed it to Andy the Intern. And he ranked the five boys with each girl in terms of compatibility. The girls will take turns trying to rank the boys in order of their compatibility. They’ll place a love heart emoji 😍 on the boy she thinks is most compatible with them, and a sad face emoji 😢 on the least compatible boy. She will then arrange the rest of the boys. When she gets a boy in the right position, he steps back. Each girl gets one point for every boy she gets in the right place. Every time a girl needs to re-jig the order, she gets a mark. The girl with the least marks wins.

Marisol will play host as each girl tries to match the algorithm.

Marisol: Right, Priya, you’re up first.

Priya: Rahim, you go first because we like to travel and we like the same food. (She places the love heart emoji on her partner, Ibrahim.)

Iain Stirling: After three attempts, Priya got the order right with Gary the least compatible and Noah the most.

BH Hope: She rolls her eyes. “It’s just a bunch of algorithms. Numbers lie. Priya can have the piece of paper all she wants; she can’t do anything with it.”

BH Noah: “I don’t know what computer you guys are using. I don’t know how it all works, but, for some reason, myself and Priya seem to be compatible.”

Marisol is up next. Marisol puts her hands on her hips, looking the boys up and down.

Marisol: OK. So… Lucas, stay where you are.

BH Marisol: I mean, he’s also bloody gorgeous. So…

Marisol: Ibrahim, I’m gonna pop you right down the end, just cos we’ve already learned you’re not my type. (She places the sad face emoji on Ibrahim.)

BH Marisol: “I just put him at the bottom straight away without even giving him a chance. We just don't work.”

Her first attempt, from most compatible to least compatible: Lucas, Noah, Gary, Bobby, and Ibrahim

Grace: So, none are correct.

Marisol: None?

LAUGHTER

BH Bobby: “Don’t know why she was so surprised. The whole villa knows that Marisol doesn't really know what she wants. She's a bit all over the place with what she wants in a guy.”

Iain Stirling: Grab some popcorn, people; this could take some time.

Her third attempt from most to least: Bobby, Ibrahim, Lucas, Gary, Noah.

Grace: Noah is correct. You can step back.

BH Marisol: “I was so shit at that game. I'm literally guessing now.”

Marisol: Ooh, all right. OK. Gary you go up there.

Gary: Whoa! What?

Gary swaps with Bobby, and he places the love heart emoji on. Gary looks at you, and then his eyes flick to Marisol. This is awkward as fuck.

BH Grace: “No girl wants to see the boy she likes and the girl he used to be coupled up with have him rank as her most compatible.” (She sighed deeply.)

Marisol: That was a stitch-up.

Iain Stirling: It’s no ‘stitch-up. Andy, the Intern numbers were audited by Ben, the Intern. Five times, to be exact. Eventually, Marisol gets it right with Noah, the least compatible and Gary, the most. Lottie is up next.

Lottie strutted right up to the line of boys and smiled flirtatiously at Gary.

Grace (thinking): I think I’m going to be sick. At least Marisol seemed surprised that Gary was her most compatible.

Lottie: I’ll just get straight into it. Gary, stay put. (She exclaimed with a flip of her hair.) You do my bloody head in.

You side-eyed Lottie in annoyance. For fuck's sake.

A collective inhale of breath as the Islanders take in what she means. Your gaze briefly drifted toward Gary as you sought to measure his reaction. Gary shifts uncomfortably.

BH Gary: “I couldn’t look Grace in the eyes when that happened. So I was just like… Fuck!”

Iain Stirling: After three attempts, Lottie got the order right  with Ibrahim in top and partner Bobby in second. Next to work at her lineup is Grace.

Marisol reads out from the board your order of compatibility. He breaks out into a huge grin as Hope and Priya let out whoops.

BH Grace: “Oh, my god, this is perfect. Eh! Like, it makes me feel so good and so, like, relaxed.”

Iain Stirling: Grace has taken the lead after getting all of the  boys in order in just one attempt. Last to pick is Hope.

Marisol: Come on up, Hope.

Hope: I'll be gutted if we are least compatible. (She points to Noah.) That will play on my mind. Who knows what I’m letting myself in for… 

LAUGHTER

Hope: Noah, come to the front. I really hope this is right, you know.

Noah: So do I.  (Noah smiles shyly.)

Iain Stirling: As Marisol reveals if any of Hope’s rankings are correct, get ready for an ‘Ooh!’

She moves the boys around again.

Hope: Ibrahim and Noah swap.

Ibrahim pats Noah on the back.

BH Noah: “I started in the Premier League in Hope's, and I went down into the conference very quickly.”

Bobby: Awe. Poor old Noah.

Hope: This is stressful.

BH Hope: “Surely, youse didn’t pay for that test? You’re joking.”  (She is holding the love emoji face.) “This is Noah. This is what should have gone around his neck. But didn’t.”

Iain Stirling: Hope is stressing because, surprisingly, Noah was not ranked as her most compatible partner in the challenge. Andy, the intern, I've got one thing to say to you: top work, fella.

END NOTE: Special thanks to sparxaf for their insightful comments on Lottie and Ibrahim’s compatibility.

[why-even-ask]

okay i'm getting personal because it's been on my fucking mind for a while and thank you bioshock i guess.

summary: i love-hate andrew ryan and frank fontaine very much and i have my reasons

aaand of coure, tw domestic abuse, childhood trauma whatever. and alcohol and blood. and bioshock spoilers

yes i love-hate ryan and fontaine

I'd break their noses and try to ruin their lives but also drink with them and chat with them and spend time with them. okay so i played this fucking game (bioshock 1) and i loved it, yeah the twists were fucked up and all but i always had this weird attachment to fontaine and ryan despite also hating them, and then it fucking hit me in the guts one morning

man, my life has been a lie, my childhood has been very fucked up in terms of parental stuff but the fucking trauma bonding does tricks. it took me 18 fucking years to understand that not everyone's parents endanger their children's lives and do horrible shit. it was "first scold him and then ask him if he's dying or not" in medical emergencies, and outright denying possible emergency medical care. i thought my life has been perfect in their hands but apparently false memories. blurry memories coming up to the surface and fucking me up.

i vividly remember the times when her voice went from a soft one to death threats and back like Atlas to Fontaine. I ran from their rage and danger to their shelter. They were all I could ask for and all I was trying to run away from. I had no one else, only one friend who was also abused. We thought it was okay. We thought they were the best parents we could ever have.

and i probably should have learnt after all the life-threatening situations, right? bleeding over the floor daily but being refused care, public shaming after a minor disagreement, all that stuff? i should have learnt that i shouldn't trust them or maybe even not talk to them since I've moved out, but nope. i have even legally applied to get my father's name added to mine. stupid fucking move maybe but I LOVE HIM. I ADORE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH. yes i am also extremely disgusted and sometimes i want to punch him and his eyes scare me and he could get us all killed multiple times but I LOVE HIM.

I understood it all after playing bioshock. jack did kill fontaine, yeah, but i wouldn't be able to. once fontaine said "you were the closest thing i had to a son" or whatever, i would drop everything and go hug him. i would forgive him. hell, there would be nothing to forgive anyway. i think he'd love me. you can understand how fucked up it sounds but it sounds completely normal to me. i feel like this, i really do.

I find myself calling my parents all the time, hearing their praises makes me feel so fucking good. i would even take a stab to make my parents praise me because i am fucking conditioned to do so. i always wanted them to care, not be mad, i wanted them to smile and say that they were proud of me. it makes me feel whole, makes me feel so fucking happy when they love me. especially with one of them, i would love to drink and fight and break noses and drink and hug and hear praises.

i want him to LOVE ME. i want him to tell me that I am doing well!!!! I want him to see me as his fucking HEIR! I want him to consider my existence! I want him to think about ME and not other people's children!!!!!!!! I want him to set my name in contacts as something other than my full legal name with my surname in all caps!!! He tells me that i wrote my paper well and then i become the proudest, he tells me that it's not as good and then i want to break some noses!!!! it's not fucking enough!!!!!!! i should be the best in his eyes!!!!

i cant imagine a life where im "standing on my two feet" because i wont be able to handle that. i am not able to be "independent", and i don't even want to. yeah jack built himself a life but you know what? i would beg at the feet of ryan and fontaine to consider my existence.

holy fuck now reading it all like this, it sounds horrible. but it's a glimpse of trauma bonding with parents i guess. i should write that shit as a story to explore it or something, i don't know. i wish there was an ending to bioshock where we could save fontaine and he could say lovely words or something. i think im fucked up beyond repair at this point.

[indigo474]

sunday part 2-

did I do my whole new lift routine? not exactly but I did a lot more of it than I have in the past plus some. my meal prep for the week is done. i'm working on laundry and I am seriously considering taking a nap. I'm seeing my Mom this afternoon. i'm looking forward to the week ahead. I have a good feeling - about life. my life and where i'm at and the future.. I have a feeling that something or someone is on the way. I still fight an eternal battle between my brain and my heart. my brain takes me back to the past and feeling unsafe and all that has happened. my heart is full of gratitude for the present and the life I am living and knows I am safe. I'm staying away from the trauma recover videos for a little bit. I've decided to just live.. not every second of every day has to be about healing- living is also healing.

so Christine my team lead.. from the first week she was on my team I knew she was watching me.. clocking me. I mentioned it to my super and she said let her. 2 weeks ago I take my lunch. when I come back, before I could sit-down Christine says real loud- you know you weren't in a lunch code you were in a meeting code. I looked her in the eye and said you know it's not our job to monitor what code i'm in. it wasn't what I said but the way I said it. I was furious. I don't answer to her. she made up a lie about me signing a paper for her- I don't really know exactly what she said but I know it was a lie because 2 seconds before I walked away to go on my lunch I signed the paper for her so I'm not sure what she was actually trying to say. I had just met with her that day and I wanted to pull her in the office and talk but i knew it wasn't a good idea because of where my head was at. I wanted to ask her who the fuck she thought she was. I waited a week. I told her the interaction between us last week made me feel like I had to defend myself. she tried to play if off like she didn't know what I was talking about. Ohh you know- when you told me I was in the wrong code. I explained to her that I am a salaried employee so the codes I use don't matter. I get paid if I take a lunch or not and there are times when I don't take a lunch. I also explained to her that the job of a lead is not to monitor what I'm doing. I touched on professional boundaries. I tried to talk to her about some other things that I know she is doing that she shouldn't be. she denied doing them. I'm thinking just the fact that I brought it up would make her think twice about doing it again. I would think me bringing it up would be a sure sign to her that I know what shes doing?? people are dumb and she's a liar. at the end of our meeting she thanked me for talking to her about it.. out of all my reps she is the one I have to actively manage the most and it really shouldn't be that way. she's always trying to get over and she'll do things but wont take accountability for them. she likes to blame other people. the funny thing is.. i'm grateful to have the chance to manage someone like her. its good for me to be around difficult manipulative people so I can learn how to deal with them, it's not easy for me because that's not who I am.