#library nerd alert would live in the library if possible

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

I'm a simple girl, I just want to take Soobin to a cookie cafe and for him to take me to Starfield library.

[my-own-walker]

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask you if you could write a fic or a long one-shot about Colin Zabel (I don't know if you saw Mare of Eastown).

The story line would be this: Colin asks YN out because Mare rejected him (basically the scene happened where he thought they were on a date and she just wanted to talk about the case).

YN agrees to go on the date. They start going out several times. At one point she finds out that Colin asked her out on a date out of spite (bc of the Mare thing). So she confronts him and tells him that she liked him, she gets angry because she feels he played with her feelings. And then Colin tries to fix the situation because, during the several dates, he realizes that he started to like YN.

And, if enough, make like an epilogue where they are a happy family (Colin and YN).

Too long. Sorry.

On The Other Line - Part 1

sure can! (it’s never too long, anon. much love)

warnings: spoiler alerts possible ahead for mare of easttown, mentions of violence against women, mentions of death, light sm*t/some steamy moments, some misogyny (it's really true to the area so i include it lightly)

author's note: i just so happen to know the delco area VERY well so expect me to nerd out on this one. accents, slang, food, everything will be very accurate. mare of easttown was pretty true to delco, but i can make it better. evan fucking nailed the accent, as he always does, btw.

+++

Being from Easttown meant that seeing someone new in town was a headline-worthy event.

So when Detective Colin Zabel showed up to help out with the Erin McMenamin case, everyone and their mom-moms were talking about it. Gossiping about the case and just how bad it was, considering the fact that they called in backup.

I'll admit it, I engaged in the gossip. My Uncle Nick owned the bar in town and would tell me all about what he heard about the case. He's worse than a chick, I'll tell you that.

Now I had no personal connection to the case. I knew of Erin but not enough to really be torn up about the whole thing. It was scary, yeah, being a woman in town after one was missing and another was dead, but I couldn't be bothered with tears. I didn't want to face the fact that things were getting scary.

I worked as a librarian. Something about reading called to me. It was great to escape from the disgusting world I found myself living in. One where women were being brutalized just minutes from my home. I have always been a sucker for escapism.

My Uncle Nick's bar became a landing place for me most nights. I was afraid to go back to my apartment alone. I didn't have a car so I'd have to walk. The bar was only half a mile from the library, and my apartment was 2 miles away. The bar was the better choice considering everything going on.

I'd help out serving sometimes. Other times I'd just sit behind the bar and talk to the patrons. Then my uncle would drive me home in his truck. I didn't mind helping out if it meant that I was safe.

+

It was a Thursday night. Around 10 pm. I was doing my usual routine of sitting behind the bar after work, talking to the familiar faces that always came by. At this bar, there were only regulars.

That was until I saw Colin Zabel walk through the front door.

It was like seeing a celebrity. I silently wondered if he was here to question somebody about the case. I picked up my book and began to read it, trying to send an innocent bystander vibe.

He walked over to the bar and slumped himself down on the seat nearest to me.

'Fuck.' I thought.

My Uncle Nick walked over to Colin and set down a coaster in front of him.

'Just a PBR, please?' Colin said as he looked up.

'Draft or can?' my uncle replied.

'Can, please,' Colin answered, rubbing his temple with his hand.

'PBR?' I scoffed from my seat. 'Colin Zabel. Could you fulfill the Delco trash stereotype more, please?'

'Wh-what?' he stuttered while smiling, looking up in awe at my directness.

'You couldn't pick a trashier beer,' I continued putting down my book on the bar next to him. 'Plus, if you're gonna get it, get the draft dude. It at least looks classier.' I leaned forward on the stool I was sitting on, resting my elbows on the bar in front of me and placing my chin in my hands.

'Yo, I've had a rough night, cut me some slack,' he laughed.

'Rough night or not, I'd never go into a bar for the first time and order a PBR. Complete jerkoff move, Zabel.'

'Okay, youse around here know my name and it's gettin' weird. And how do you know this is my first time in here,' he chuckled.

'Oh sorry I'm bein' rude. I'm Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N. You are kinda famous around here, detective. And my uncle owns this place. I'd know if you'd been in here before,' I smirked.

As if on cue, Uncle Nick returned, reaching around me to place the can in front of Colin.

'Makin' friends, hun?' my uncle asked, patting my right shoulder.

'Only always,' I replied, smiling up at him. He walked away, shaking his head at me.

'Well, Y/N, you're very forward, huh?' he suggested as he sipped his drink.

I guess I was. The bar was sort of my domain. I talked to every patron like that. After all, everyone that was in there was either my teacher, classmate, doctor, or employer at one time. I knew everyone so I acted like it. And I knew of Colin so I felt like I could talk to him like that. Totally forgot he was a complete stranger.

'But you liked it, though,' I quipped back. He simply laughed and shook his head, casting his eyes down.

'What brings you here, anyways?' I asked.

'Closest bar to the restaurant I was just at,' he shrugged.

'Didn't get enough to drink there?' I challenged. He looked up and met my eyes. His were a deep brown. He looked sad.

'Oh, it was a trainwreck,' he sipped his drink again.

'Don't care to elaborate, hm?' I asked. He just shook his head.

'Y'know, Y/N? I'm feeling really bold right now,' Colin started, making eye contact with me again. 'Would you wanna go out sometime? Y'know what? Maybe tomorrow. Lunchtime?'

I was taken aback. 'You're pretty forward yourself, Zabel.'

'You're pretty and I feel like it would just be fun,' he continued.

'Oh, I'm just pretty?' I replied, feigning shock.

'Oh shut up,' he laughed as he pushed my forearm lightly.

+

After exchanging numbers and chatting some more he left. Over text, we agreed to meet in the park at lunchtime to talk. He'd provide the coffee, he promised.

The next day I walked to work with more pep in my step than usual. I was even singing a little when putting books back on shelves. It had been a while since I'd been on a date. He was really cute so I couldn't help but be excited.

I got to the park earlier than we'd agreed upon, but that motherfucker still beat me there. He was holding two cups of coffee and was dressed smartly in a long tweed grey coat.

'You're eager, Zabel!' I called across the park as I walked upon him.

'You're early, too, miss,' he replied, raising an eyebrow and pulling me in for a hug. When we separated he handed me one of the cups. 'Oat milk for you, my dear.'

I smiled. He remembered a passing comment I made the night before.

We started to walk, talking about everything under the sun. I tried not to ask too much about his work, with the case being so sensitive, and all. We came up on a playground. There was a blonde woman sitting on a bench nearby, obviously watching a young child.

Colin suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. The gesture gave me butterflies in my stomach. Walking closer to the bench, the blonde woman looked up and waved. Colin waved back and flashed his best closed-lip smile.

"Colin, hey,' the woman said. "About la-'

'Mare, this is Y/N,' Colin drew nearer to me and kissed my cheek. I blushed heavily.

'H-hi," I started.

'Y/N, this is Mare. She used to be on the Erin McMenamin case with me,' he snipped, gesturing his hand toward her. She rolled her eyes and went back to watching the child on the playground.

'I don't have time for this today, Colin,' Mare said, dismissing us.

We walked away just a far enough distance out of her earshot before I said, 'she's a fuckin' ray of sunshine.'

'Quite a woman,' Colin replied, looking back at her, still not letting go of my hand.

+

The rest of the date went super well. So well, in fact, that I didn't stop bothering him. I texted him every day, every second I could get the chance.

He returned the energy…somewhat. He was a busy man, being on the police force after all. I didn't think too much of it.

We planned to go back out again on that Sunday for lunch.

+

'Hey, pretty,' he breathed as he took his jacket off. I beat him to the restaurant. I won, this time. He sat down in the seat across from me.

He called me pretty. My face felt hot. He seemed to really be into me. And I felt the same.

The meal was great. We continued to get to know each other and I really started catching feelings for him. I invited him back to my apartment after and he said yes.

The inside of my apartment was, I'll say it, pretty strangely decorated. I'm a lover of all things fun and odd, and my interior design choices reflected it. For example, my couch was royal purple, and I had billiard balls in a decorative bowl on my cowboy-themed coffee table. I refused to use overhead lighting so everything was lit a warm yellow and striking blue, thanks to the lights I bought off Amazon.

The best part, and my shining accomplishment, my bed was heart-shaped. So me and so weird. I think it came from a strip club. I found the frame and mattress discarded on the side of the road. Score.

I could tell Colin was shocked by the way he was looking around. He shrugged his coat off and placed it on one of the clown hooks by the door.

'I know it's weird bu-' I started.

'No, Y/N, this place is really...stellar. It has personality, for sure,' he assured me. He continued to wander around, looking at my things.

I started to feel kind of shy in my own home. Like this man was fully in my apartment and I had the fattest crush on him. If there was one thing about me, though, I wasn’t shy. I decided that the best and only way to power through it was to kiss him, so I did.

He tensed at first, not expecting the contact, but soon relaxed into it, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me into him.

I pulled away. ‘Sorry, I just- like-‘

‘No it’s okay, I liked it,’ he grinned. ‘You’re fucking cool, Y/L/N.’

‘I mean I don’t fight crime for a living but-‘ I started but was promptly cut off by Colin’s lips on mine again. Sweet kisses turned more passionate as I started to lead him to my bedroom.

I fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. He pulled my cardigan down off my shoulders. When we reached the bedroom I tugged his shirt off and threw it behind him, demonstratively. He grabbed the bottom hem of my camisole and pulled it over my head, exposing my black lace bra.

It was then that he noticed my bed.

‘No, you’re fuckin’ joking,’ he laughed, walking towards it and hopping up on it. ‘Are we about to fuck like 70s porn stars right now? A heart-shaped bed?’ His smirk was so cute.

I didn’t reply. Instead I attacked him with kisses, crawling into his lap. I felt his hard-on in his pants below me. I straddled his thighs and pushed him down gently into a laying position.

‘Y/N….fuck,’ he moaned as I peppered kisses down his chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his pants. I slowly unbuttoned them, making him wait for it. He helped me tug them off of his legs. I placed my hand on his cock through his underwear and waited as if to ask permission. ‘Please,’ he mustered.

I reached in and pulled it out, immediately taking him in my mouth. He muttered every curse word under the sun as I continued to blow him.

+

We spent the rest of the day in my bed. Our time was used talking, then having sex, then talking again. Repeating the cycle until I was thoroughly convinced that I was in love with him.

He left me around 10 that night and for some reason, I felt empty. Cold. It was an odd feeling considering the ecstasy I has experienced all day. I put it down to being tired.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

+++

Okayyyyy yay!!! That was part 1 of two in this lil series. Thanks anon again for the request. Sorry if it felt rushed in some points. I was trying not to make this thing like 400 parts. I get wordy at times. Part 2 hopefully will be here tomorrow!!

[dicesmasher]

The Ecology of Owlbears

The concept of 'monster ecology' when thinking about your RPG setting is quite common, I think. Much supplementary material written for Dungeons and Dragons over the years was on this topic - see AJ Pickett's vast library of monster lore videos where he helpfully brings the contents of these old magazines to the current generation of players.

However, a thing I've noticed is lacking in these writings - and I do not fault the writers for this necessarily - is that they don't include much thought as to how a particular monster interacts specifically with other creatures in its domain, and how populations of these monsters might engineer the ecosystem.

I imagine that this subject is under-explored, partially because not everyone is an ecology nerd, and partially because exactly how a monster interacts with and affects its environment depends on what that environment is, and what else lives in it. Unless you're reading setting-specific lore, this is probably left up in the air on purpose for the DM and players to fill in the blanks.

How HARD your setting is, in terms of truly considering the implications of what you put in it, also has an effect. I've realised that, for all the deep lore and violent themes, D&D (especially modern D&D) truly lends itself mostly to what I'd call 'cartoon fantasy', where we go off primarily vibes, bright colours, and whatever sounds cool. Despite this, I will continue to endeavour to create a hard setting, with as few worldbuilding plot holes as possible.

In particular, I've been thinking mainly about the iconic owlbear to exemplify thinking about monster ecology. The 5e Monster Manual actually does a decent job of describing a plausible way this creature lives, being a strictly nocturnal hypercarnivore of forested regions. The idea that it announces its presence to all the prey in the area to flush it into ideal hunting spots is... less plausible. I mean, you'd expect things to get on high alert and start quickly increasing their distance from you if you start screeching at them, unless you can throw your voice somehow.

But what I particularly like about this description is that it gives the owlbear a unique niche that is clearly different from a regular bear. With the head of an owl, we would expect the owlbear to be a hypercarnivore rather than a generalist forager, and we would expect it to take advantage of its keen sight and hearing to hunt prey in the cover of night. This lifestyle is more similar to that of big cats, which we tend not to associate that much to the temperate forests we usually associate owlbears with (lynx, pumas and Siberian tigers notwithstanding). Bears and owlbears thus live without competition.

This said, we run into a bit of a conflict. We expect the owlbear to survive as a sneaky predator of the night, but we also expect it to be an aggressive, monstrous bruiser that has a vendetta against everything and everyone it sees - that's why it's a big scary monster and not an animal. This is the fantasy of the owlbear, a big, scary predator that can kill anything, but its physiology just doesn't lend itself to successful hunting. Nature does not award extra points for being scary and angry.

Bears are not built for stealth or agility, even though they can run fast in a straight line. Reflected by this, the owlbear lacks stealth proficiency, and we'd thus expect it to fuck up a lot of its hunts. This is made worse by the assumedly high caloric needs of such a bulky predator, usually depicted as significantly larger than a brown bear. Given a few million years of evolution, we should expect owlbears to be a lot sleeker, lighter and cat-like rather than bear-like.

Obviously, the owlbear is not an evolved creature per se - the two possible origin stories put it as coming from the Feywild (a realm where style over substance can actually work) or being the result of arcane hybridisation experiments. Still, if we expect owlbears to be able to breed and establish populations, we should also expect natural selection and competition to act on them.

I thus suggest a little tweak to owlbears. They could stay large, but be more lightly built than usually depicted. They should have stealth proficiency, and be silent predators of the night, like owls. Perhaps their feathers even help dampen the sounds they make as they move through the woods? They may compete with other nocturnal large predators, if sharing their woods with big cats for example, but with their powerful builds, they always win fights against other predators and can steal their kills. Perhaps like bears, they also catch fish when they can, giving them a backup or supplementary food source.

Their reputation for aggression comes down to feeling vulnerable during the day when they should be sleeping, and lashing out furiously to neutralise threats. Being so heavily armed and requiring large solitary territories to get enough food, they likely resolve any conflict with deadly violence, except maybe against other owlbears.

In the end, we've ended up with something combining the niches of big cats, and the extinct short-faced bears which are thought to have specialised in winning confrontations against other predators to claim their kills.

In terms of how owlbears affect their environment, their reliance on sound and sight means animals must take extra care to be quiet and hidden while sleeping, or foraging at night, to not draw attention to themselves. Their typical prey may also take pains to avoid locations where they can be ambushed easily - a landscape of fear. Other large predators would take pains to avoid owlbears, which might target them for food or steal their kills, though maybe mesopredators like foxes would follow them in hopes of getting some of the carrion that the owlbear generates.

Local people, like humans and elves, would avoid going out in the woods at night. Elves, who don't need to sleep and are still active at night, would busy themselves with home tasks, and only the most wary and skilled would try going out to forage. Camping in owlbear territory would be a big no-no unless you can find somewhere where you can't be easily ambushed, and an armed sentry was up at all times. If travelling through owlbear territory, it may be worth pushing through the night, quietly if you can, to get out of there as quickly as possible. Sturdy shelters might be set up at intervals along the roads, specifically to keep people and their horses safe from owlbears. And it goes without saying that a dead owlbear would make an incredible trophy for a hunter.

[pirate-kwazii]

Watching Ring Of Fire now so here’s more of my thoughts

Is that a fence in the water

Is everyone groaning about the sea urchin and crab or yawning? I can’t tell

Okay I’ve had the Vegimals song stuck in my head for awhile now

Kwazii’s alarm clock shoots tennis balls at him- same

And Dashi starts the day with yoga

Tweaks fell asleep playing video games mood

Shellington what the fUCK

Tf is that- is that lava?!?

Oh ring of fire like the volcanoes- I feel stupid now

They’re doing their role call out of order

What the fuck Kwazii why did you eat 17 kelp cakes

Is the only thing you eat is seaweed

VIDEO TRAINING VIDEO TRAINING

*terrible accordion playing* *everyone winces*

How many cousins do you have peso?!?!

Kwazii: I’m going out and FAST!!!!

Captain: *eyebrow raise*

Kwazii: I mean I’m checking the engine

MORE GUPS?!?!

“Don’t push the Z button” Kwazii is definitely going to press it I bet all 3 of my dollars

Wait why did Peso and Barnacles need a Gup if they were taking the octopod?!

How much time does Tweak have to keep making all these gups?!

Aw Kwazii loves that Gup so much

WHAT IS BARNACLES WEARING WHAT THE HELL NO

Kwazii’s copying it omg-

Shellington and Dashi are such nerd friends it’s actually adorable

Tremors those are probably important

Ring-shape? Like the ring of fire-

Oh no comms are down

A TSUNAMI?!?!

Mateys you should’ve stayed at the Octopod

Kwazii saved Tweak’s life and now it’s flooding

Why don’t they know about the Ring of Fire if they LIVE in the ocean

Oh no the comms are down they can’t reach them!!!!

Damn at least no one is alone...

Of course the Chinstrap Penguins live on a volcano

Well at least Shellington and Dashi are alright and above water so there’s a lower chance of drowning

“How does he know I’m an octonaut?” Maybe it’s because you’re wearing the octonauts colors and the logo all over it

Wow itd be faster to push the stupid thing

Last time you guys followed the screaming sound there was a tsunami

Well at least you found the whales you wanted to find

“I’ve always wanted to see a whale but not like this!” I’d sure hope so Shellington

Of course the volcano erupts

Tweak Kwazii are ya okay?!

THEY DONT HAVE AIR TANKS ON THEM OH NO

TWEAK!!!

Now is not the time to copy Barnacles- holy shit it worked

She just noticed that?!

Shit you guys are stuck

Kwazii beggars can’t be choosers

Why is that the only way to get across Tweak

No Tweak pay attention

ITS ON FIRE

I really hope you guys can hold your breath

She’s pulling a Ladybug and the things she looks at glow now

Improvised fire extinguisher

WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE ARENT YOU UNDERWATER

Eww they landed in seaweed and a banana peel

Why does everyone end in the garbage disposal- sorry compost

Oh he almost fell in-

*opens door and floods room* Guess we’re swimming after all

Tunip leave him it’s natural selection

Grouber just sits and eats during a panic- same

“Lesson Nine- dealing with disasters” what

Why is the background of those videos so bad

I mean it’s rad but also bad

Tunip: *hands the Vegimals a bunch of shovels* good luck

Mateys how did that dirt pile work-

*quickly unplants all the seaweed*

*vacuums the animals*

LEAVE THE SEAWEED YOU HAVE ENOUGH

“You gotta save us!” Why didn’t you get their attention sooner?

Why do none of them notice the volcanoes that they live on/near

We’ve seen the rafts it won’t work

How the hell did you think of that

Is that even possible

They only leave Inkling in charge when legit no one else is there

Kwazii and Tweak: *mimic pirates, rabbits and Barnacles*

Peso and Barnacles: *mimic penguins*

How was the lava that aLMOST COOKED YOUR EGGS NOT A WARNING SIGN

Wow Inkling is not good at this I see why he’s never in charge

Even Kwazii and the Vegimals have managed the octopod better than that

Why is there is Disco Ball

Why does it always switch to the training videos

“Dashi’s so good at this” yeah it’s almost like it’s her JOB

There was a BUTTON FOR THAT EXACT REASON AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO PRESS IT FIRST?!?!?!

Took you long enough jeez

What is they fall off of the “slide”

“Mothers and babies first” anyone else can perish

Well that egg is dead

Oh never mind he got it

WHY DIDNT YOU TWO GET ON THE SIDE TOO TWEAK WOULD UNDERSTAND

I mean she and Kwazii are trying not to be set on fire so I’m sure she’d get it

“I just hope everyone else is okay” well shellington and Dashi are stuck on a volcano that’s exploding trying to get a beached whale out on a very slow Gup, the Vegimals are trying to evacuate the garden, and Tweak and Kwazii are trying to get out of the burning and flooding repair area so no I don’t think anyone else is okay

“This isn’t working” no really Dashi

Oh the crabs know Kwazii that explains so much

Another Training Video?!

The crew all look so nervous when they appear in a training videos

Oh now Dashi and Shellington are mimicking Tweak

Poor Shellington he’s clumsy

“I have to say I.. really like that plan” yea cuz it’s the one that doesn’t involve you burning in the lava

Shellingtons getting a workout in oof

He’s about to fall into the lava

Now the crabs about to fall into the water

Oh god he’s screwed

Crab jump on the whale- now he’s flying

Shellington get out of the lava!!!

Alright some people are safe

Oh never mind the other volcanoes are erupting too

That water level is dangerously high are they gonna be okay

Kwazii don’t phrase it like that it sounds like you’ll die

KWAZII!!!!!

Oh god oh no his tail

Mimicking Barnacles saved the day

TWEAK!!! KWAZII!!!

Oh they are alright thank god

They’re gonna be traumatized from this- *angst time*

“And how will we get up there” Kwazii making good points again

Kwazii with a grappling hook is a terrifying idea please get one

And now they find out the comms are down

Kwazii trying to be helpful

WHY DOES SHE HAVE AN EMERGENCY CARROT STASH

KWAZII GOT ONE TOO

Another video but this ones useless-

TWEAK YOU TURNED OFF THE POWER

They sounded the octo alert together!!!

Babies

EVERYONES OKAY!!!!

OF COURSE THERES ANOTHER ONE

Kwazii and Tweak: ya we’re good

Also them: *trying to not to drown or burn*

They are all gonna connect to each other like Voltron aren’t they

KWAZII DID PRESS IT IM NOT LOSING MY $3 TODAY!!!

Tweak: I got a plan

*crashes through the hatch*

Kwazii: *excited cat sounds*

Yeah they’re going together naturally

“Mega Gup Z” epic naming skills Tweak

“Seat swap” “wait a minute- WHOA”

“It’s completely covered in sea creatures” there’s no way you get all of them

Oh good some are swimming away

“Sit tight” they can’t really do anything else Captain

Do we know where they go after being S U C C E D into the mega Gup z?

And now rocks are everywhere

Kwazii’s excited cat noises are giving me life

Couldn’t the crabs walk away?

Oh no they’re getting stuck in the volcano-

Oh they’re good thank Neptune

Dashi: yea it’s bout to erupt we gotta go

Peso: I saw something inside there we gotta go look

Does Peso want them to die

Of course the animals sound snobby

“Why ever would we do that” CUZ ITS ERUPTING i swear all the creatures have the IQ of a walnut

“I didn’t even make a button for it” bruh

Yeah just like Voltron

Kwazii: *even more excited cat noises cuz he gets to destroy things*

Why do you all name the moves with the word “mantis” in front of them?

They all share one braincell and Barnacles and Peso have it 90% of the time

Tweak gets the other 10%

Everyone else runs on pure chaotic energy

“Tweak Status Report!” Tweak: WE ARE FUCKED

Let Tweak say “Fuck” 2k21

Kwazii: *e x c i t e d c a t n o i s e s*

*throws sea creatures at whale*

*blows up into five gups in massive explosion in front of erupting volcano*

Is all that sea urchin thinks about is food

“You know what I’d like? Dinner” “you know what pal, that sounds great”

“Have the eruptions stopped” “yea but that’s not what I called about”

Is Inkling trying to be more than that guy who sits in his library all day?

Yea it’s not hatching because of the bandage all around it

Please say the egg doesn’t die

Oh it’s alive good

Octonauts: remember that island that got destroyed by a volcano? Would you like to live on an island that volcano created?

Penguins: not really

Octonauts: too bad

Vegitoa? Wow

ITS THAT STUPID SONG AGAIN LAST TIME IT WAS IT MY HEAD FOR TWO WEEKS

“It still felt like we were working as a team” maybe cuz you were all copying each other the whole time

“You really, really need to update those training videos” yeah fair enough

Of course the Vegimals still remember the dance

I see what the hype was about that was a fantastic movie mateys... though everyone’s probably gonna have some problems after that

[pudgy-dads]

Nerd Alert

Ok so I am not a trained medical professional, but I'm taking healthcare classes at my school. Take this with a grain of salt, p l e a s e. Anyways, people in modern day are able to survive chest wounds. You just gotta act quick to prevent them from bleeding out. If it's a wound thats immediately cauterized then you wouldn't have to worry about bleeding out but you would have to worry about damage to internal structures being pierced and scar tissue. A chest wound is scary in ANY situation. Fives being shot in heart wouldn't cause it to immediately stop beating. The heart beats because of electrical impulses, so if the heart isn't receiving blood and the tissue dies then it can't keep those electrical impulses going. If its a lucky shot and he got hit in a coronary artery (its an artery on your heart that gives it blood bc it too needs oxygen), then potentially he could die, but not that fast. If he was shot in the lung however, its basically the same thing. The body doesn't stop just because its injured. Platelets and phagocytes just go to the wound site and begin repairs. He wouldn't die immediately, he could have some kind of internal bleeding but in star wars, he could receive adequate healthcare and return to a normal life. He could survive in the modern day with that type of injury.

TL;DR: Fives should've been able to survive bc the body doesn't just stop. Unless you have like heart disease, but he doesn't, so its bullshit.

EDIT: I've been continuing my education!! The heart bleeds and it bleeds FUCKING FAST!!! It's essentially a pump for all of your blood and it pumps all of it AT LEAST 60 TIMES A MINUTE. Five's probably beats a little lower BUT ITS STILL ALL OF HIS BLOOD.

Okay so let's say the wound did cauterize (the vessels are sealed shut from heat), there is the fact that we have nodes in our heart. Atrioventricular (AV), Sinoatrial (SA), the Bundle of His, and the Purkinje fibres. These keep your heart doing what it does best, beating. Any disruption to these can cause arrhythmia (the heart is beating irregularly), this causes the heart to not beat efficiently, meaning slow tissue death.

Okay okay, so let's say it misses the heart just barely, possibly, but there is a thing such as pneumothorax. Anatomy lesson: we have negative pressure in our chest cavity to keep our lungs inflated (we ALWAYS have air in our lungs). If the thoracic cavity is punctured then the lungs will deflate, essentially causing suffocation. The National Library of Medicine says it can cause sudden death so...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7713858/#:~:text=Intraoperative%20tension%20pneumothorax%20can%20be,serious%20long%2Dterm%20organ%20damage.

If ya wanna read more ^^^

Anyways TL;DR part two:

Five's DEFINITELY FUCKING DIED, may it be by pneumothorax, cardiac arrest, and/or blood loss.

Congrats, you made it through this trainwreck of a post 🫶

This shit is fucking complicated and it makes my head hurt, but knowing stuff like this helps save lives

Boba can be fully healed by a Bacta tank.

Fennec gets cool cybernetic parts to keep her alive after a shot to the gut.

Anakin was kept alive after having his three little bitch limbs cut off and being BURNED ALIVE IN A RIVER OF LAVA.

AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT FIVES COULDN’T BE HEALED AFTER A BLASTER SHOT TO THE CHEST?!?! NAH, THAT AIN'T IT CHIEF.

FILONI, RESURRECT FIVES AND REUNITE HIM WITH HIS BROTHER!!

[ohitsavibealright]

Petals

It starts with a fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach, whenever he’s around. He pushes it down, completely refuses to acknowledge the way his breath catches whenever his friend smiles; or, the way his heart skips a beat when he laughs, tipping his head back in carefree joy. He absolutely will not acknowledge it, because it means nothing. They’re friends, nothing more and nothing less. So he bites his cheek, whenever he sees his friend bite his pink, bottom lip, and holds back a ridiculously silly looking smile whenever his friend sticks out his tongue, concentration creasing his brows.

“What are you looking at?” It’s barely above a whisper, his friend to scared of their scary, school librarian.

“A nerd,” he retaliates, slightly caught off guard, he straightens up, and scrunches his nose as he looks down at the book the other is reading. “Why do you even like to read?”

“Perhaps it’s because I’m not some uncivilized swine,” his friend shoots back, voice rising slightly in mock offence.

He rolls his eyes, kicking his friend underneath the table, “I’m bored come on, let’s go do something fun,” he stresses, fingers itching to reach out and just tug his friend out of the library.

His heart almost seizes as he watches the boy in front of him pout, the edges of his pretty lips pulling down. “But, this is fun,” he says, voice soft as he looks back down at his book, almost hopelessly.

“Nerd,” he chokes out, trying to disguise it as one of those poorly done coughs. It seems to work as his friend glares, irritation washing over his delicate features.

“We only have, what,” his friend glances over at the clock on the wall, “five more minutes until lunch is over, you’ll survive.”

“Will I?” He asks, letting out an overly dramatic sigh as he slumps over the table. He’s startled by the loud laugh that leaves his friend, a blush slowly rising to his cheeks. He keeps his head stubbornly planted to the table, refusing to lift it even as his friends laughter immediately dies down.

“Okay, is it just me, or does our librarian hate me?” He hears his friend ask, whisper some how even quieter than when they first entered.

How could anyone hate you? He thinks, the genuine question popping up before he could even realize. He stomps it down into submission before he buries it in the dark recesses of his mind.

“Who doesn’t hate you?” He asks out loud, instead, finally lifting his head and looking his friend in the eyes, a playful smile lifting up the corners of his lips. Just as his friend opens his mouth to form a rebuttal the lunch bell rings, and he smirks, as he grabs the straps if his backpack. “Saved by the bell,” he laughs, the expression on his friends face priceless.

If looks could kill.

“Trust me, dickhead, you’ll hear about this after school.” His friend points, what’s supposed to be a threatening finger, his way.

He puts his hands up, in mock fear, “Oh, I’m so scared,” he calls back over his shoulder, leaving before he can hear his friends reply. He walks the halls of his school, weaving in and out of the way of other students. He strolls almost lazily, a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of the other students surrounding him.

He makes it to class in the nick of time, door closing behind him right as the bell rings. His desk is conveniently the closest to the door, something he feels he’s been blessed with, as he merely slides into his seat. He very thoroughly enjoys it, never having to worry about unwanted eyes following him to his seat.

All that attention focused on him makes him uncomfortable.

He tunes out the minute the teacher calls his name on the attendance sheet. His mind drifts to his friend, no matter how hard he tries to think of other things, his brain seems to seamlessly connect it back to his friend. It’s annoying to say the least. He gives his head a little shake, almost as if he were trying to shake his friend from his thoughts.

He feels a tickle against the back of his throat, and absent mindedly wonders if he’s caught a cold. Overall he feels fine, but he’s always been unlucky in these matters. It always starts as a tickle and then overnight he feels like he’s dying.

The feeling grows increasingly more uncomfortable as class carries on. He feels the telltale signs of a cough coming on due to the annoying feeling in his throat. Subtly, he tries to clear it as quietly as he can, in hopes that will help the feeling disappear.

If anything it makes it worse, the tickle almost unbearable at the back of his throat. Tears begin to gather in his eyes as the unpleasant sensation worsens. In a last ditch effort he forcibly clears his throat, while loud, it’s not nearly as distracting than him hacking up a lung.

You win some, you lose some.

There’s a sudden sense of relief that washes over him, but it’s gone as quickly as it came, when he realizes now there is something in his mouth. It’s soft and silky, and it has his heart spiking, a sudden overwhelming sense of dread washing over him. He let’s it settle on his tongue, a floral essence coating the bed of taste buds.

There’s panic, of course there’s panic, he has a pretty terrifying idea of what is happening, but he forces himself to sit there. A cold sweat begins to form on his forehead and drip down the sides of his temples as he sits there, feeling like his anxiety is going to swallow him whole.

The minutes tick down, slower then he could have ever possibly imagined, until finally, finally, the bell rings. He bolts, nearly toppling over his desk, in his haste to get out of that suffocating classroom. He’s running to the nearest bathroom, anxious to lock himself in a stall and confirm his worst nightmare.

There’s a group of boys in there already when he barges his way in, wide eyed and wild looking. They throw him a weird look, but he pays them no mind as he all but rips off the stall door. He slams it shut so hard it violently bounces back and nearly smacks him in the face, yet he spares it no time, forcing his body weight on it and locking it.

He leans against it, feeling woozy suddenly, but he tries to breathe through it whilst willing his heart to slow down. A trembling hand makes its way to his mouth, before shaking fingers pry between his dry lips, seeking for something he hopes and prays isn’t there. His fingers grasp the terribly thin and delicate object on his tongue. The saliva coating it making it slippery and even more difficult to hold between his already timid fingers.

He pulls his hand back to inspect the foreign object, and what he sees feels like a punch to the stomach, breath almost forcibly being expelled from his body. He places it in his left hand, his right fingers gently caress the white petal laying innocently in the center of his palm.

He doesn’t know what to feel. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t understand.

Before he knows it there’s tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over his colorless cheeks, but a sad smile adorning his lips.

He’s in love.

It’s just a shame it’s going to kill him.

He spends a few more moments in the stall, trying to collect himself as much as he possibly can. Finally, when he feels steady enough to walk he unlatches the lock. He feels surprisingly calm which he contributes to almost certainly being in shock. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

The decision to go home early is an easy one to make, sneaking out of school. Even easier. He’s done it countless of times, each time easier than the last. The walk home is nothing but a blur, as his thoughts all race and meld into one thought.

He’s in love with his best friend.

Before he can even fully finish the thought, he’s coughing and coughing and coughing. Pink rose petals spilling from his mouth and into his awaiting hands. His chest aches, pain blossoming behind his ribs. By the time the coughing fit ends he’s shaking and out of breath, with rose petals surrounding the area of which he stands.

His eyes are wide, as he stands there stunned, he knew the disease worked fast, but he didn’t know it was this fast. Before he can ponder any longer on the matter his phone quickly breaks him from his frazzled spell, alerting him of a text.

He can’t talk to him right now.

He puts his phone away in his back pocket and quickly looks around, making sure there are no witnesses to his little ordeal before he finishes the walk home. He scurries off, not wanting to be associated with the already wilting petals on the cement.

The moment he steps over the threshold of his house he feels a bit of relief wash over him, but it doesn’t last for long as his phone rings once more, this time alerting him of an incoming phone call.

Once again, it’s him.

He shakes his head, letting his finger hover over the answer button, before he lets the call go to voicemail.

A new, fresh wave of pain digs it’s ugly claws into his chest, and it feels like his lungs are being torn apart. He tries to breathe through it but it only makes it worse as silk petals begin to bubble out of his throat. The process is less forceful but terribly more painful, which he finds peculiar. He feels like he’s suffocating so he leans over, hands on his knees as he forces himself to cough, white petals spewing from his dry mouth.

By the time the fit is over there are black spots in his vision and he’s gasping desperately for air. His knees are weak and his lungs are screaming for any sort of relief. He feels like he’s suffocating as he struggles for air. He lets himself crumple to the ground in the heaps of rose petals he had just coughed up. His breathing begins to slow, body slowly getting accustomed to the now added effort it takes to breathe, as he just exists on his living room floor.

He startles, a sudden knock coming from his front door. Getting to his feet is a lot more difficult then he thought it would be, but some how he manages. He stumbles to the front door, opening it just a crack.

“Hey, what the actual fuck man I thought you were dead,” his best friend accuses, voice filled with poorly disguised worry.

“I’m fine,” he snaps, going to shut the door, a bit of selfish anger coursing through his burning veins. He knows he has no right to be angry, he can’t force his friend to love him the way he needs to be loved, but he can’t stop it.

His friend stops the door with his foot, and despite the anger and discomfort he’s feeling, he has to hold back a small smile at his friends whispered, exclamation of pain.

“Hey, you don’t seem alright,” and the way his friend is looking at him with such concern makes his stomach turn and chest tighten. “I’m worried about you.”

He could never love you. Not how you want him to love you. Not the way you need him too.

“I’m fine,” the venom he forces into his words hurts him, and he sees the way his friends face falls, “I can take care of myself. I certainly don’t need you to take care of me.”

“What the actual fuck is going on man?” His friend looks so confused, and so hurt. It breaks his heart. “We were fine today at lunch and now you’re acting like this? The hell is your problem.”

“I just need some space, okay? Fuck, can’t I just have half a fucking minute to my self?” He screams, throat raw and tender from all of the abuse its taken today.

He realizes he must have struck a nerve as his friend’s face crumbles, anger replaced with nothing but hurt and utter betrayal. It hurts knowing he’s the source of his pain, but he won’t be able to get him to leave any other way.

“Fine, okay, you fucking dick. Call me when you’ve had your alone time and are ready to not be a prick.” His friend says through gritted teeth, before turning to walk away. The minute he closes the door he feels another wash of pain, one that feels like it’s tearing into his chest with every breath he takes. He makes his way to his room clumsily, before falling haphazardously onto his bed.

He’s gasping for air as he chokes on a violent cough, his throat feels as if it’s being torn to shreds. The familiar petals are met with new friends as thorns begin to join in on the party. Blood quickly mixing in as well, coating the pure white petals in a vibrant red. He’s coughing and gagging, body viciously trying to expel the intrusive and unfamiliar materials, unbeknownst to his own body that it’s slowly killing him.

The pain is nearly unbearable, agony laced with every struggled inhalation of breath. Blood is coating his lips, dripping down his chin and beginning to puddle messily on his bed, and now most of the rose petals are now completely tainted red. He struggles to sit up, thorns digging into the palms of his hands as more blood drips from his open and gasping mouth.

His vision is more than splotchy as he begins to fade in and out of consciousness, his arms slip from beneath him and he falls face first into the mess of bloody petals and unforgiving thorns.

His last thoughts are of the boy he loves, his sweet laughter echoing in his dying mind.

He stands there in front of the fresh grave that holds his beloved friend, the flowers in his hands matching the petals in his mouth.

__________________________________________ Thank you for reading! Please feel free to send in any requests! I used the use of no names to allow you to choose you’re own characters, just so you can see my writing quality. I hope you liked it, and if you send me in requests i will specifically tailor them to what you ask for. Thank you again!

[sparkylovesbooks]

Some Random 5-star Reads!

These are all books that i have rated 5 stars in recent years, and I adore all of them to bits (obviously, since I gave them a full 5-star rating!), but for some reason I don’t talk about them very much! Some of these I’ve never talked about! So I thought I’d share some of them, and give a bit of info on why I love them so much.

My Name Is Memory by Ann Brashares

Written by the author of the Sisterhood of the Traveling pants series, this book tells the story of Daniel & Sophia, who have fallen in love time after time over hundreds of years of time. Daniel remembers all of their past lives, but Sophia does not. He manages to find her every time they are reincarnated though.

Basically this book is a good version of “Fallen” by Lauren Kate (minus the fallen angels). It is romantic, magical, emotional, and beautiful. The words are written lyrically and the story is inter-woven at the highest quality - which is impressive considering it’s a time-travel-esque book. Because of the nature of the story - what with it spanning hundreds of years and involving reincarnation - this book could have been cheesy or convoluted or many other negative things. But it’s not. it’s just beautiful and I LOVE it!

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

DO NOT JUDGE THIS BOOK BY TWILIGHT. This is in my top 20 favorite books of all time. For sure. It also contains one of my all-time favorite ships. It blends science fiction, romance, and great character building (of every single character too btw, like goddamn) in a young adult book and is just so freaking impressive. Stephenie Meyer takes her time with this book, not just building the scenery so that it is painted perfectly in your head as you read it, but also in the intricacies of her characters’ relationships & personalities. I am so in love with every aspect of this book. I re-read it all the time, and still swoon over so many lines and scenes. And Wanderer & Ian O’Shea are baes. (PS I don’t hate the movie adaptation of this books...)

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly by Stephanie Oakes

This was the best book I read in 2016 hands down. If you want proof, check out my video here. Or my full review on Goodreads here. But seriously. This book is EVERYTHING. It is supremely well done, it is absolutely unique, and surprising in so many ways. I remember when I first picked it out from the library, I knew nothing about it at all and had no expectations; I just recognized the cover from Instagram. But boy am I happy I ended up reading it!

This book is technically a retelling of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale, but it just is so much more than that! It takes the original story and makes it better and poignant and fantastic. The plot, storytelling techniques, emotions, and writing will all take you by surprise, i guarantee it!

Vengeance Road by Erin Bowman

This book was my second favorite read of 2016! Similarly to “Minnow,” I went into this book with no expectations and bought it solely because of the cover, which is just so striking!

“Vengeance Road” is a YA western (the only ya western that I’m aware of at that, so if you guys know of any others please let me know!) that wayyyyy delivers! It is action-packed and the backdrop of the story is in the desert heat during the 1800′s. AND the MC is a female... and a badass heroine female at that yaaaaaas. I highly recommend this book, it’s just so fun and full of adventure and unputdownable.

Confess by Colleen Hoover

The only Colleen Hoover book I am a fan of out of the ones I’ve read so far. “Confess doesn’t have any problematic tropes or characters. It has a couple of evil (SO evil) characters, but they aren’t written as heroes. So they aren’t romanticized as good people. *cough*november9*cough*

This book is so addicting and angsty, and one of the only books I’ve ever actually physically cried while reading it. I just swoon over the love story and had all of the feels over the dramatic plot and gahhhh. Also the web series adaption of this is 10/10 would recommend.

Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys

Why why why why aren’t more people reading this book? I mean, I know a significant number of people are, but not nearly enough! “Out of the Easy” made me want to read more historical fiction that takes place in New Orleans... but I can’t find any others for the life of me!

So first of all, this book has a 4.09 rating on goodreads with nearly 29,000 ratings... that’s awesome in and of itself. This story is crafted so well with impeccable writing. I really think that Ruta Sepetys is one of the best authors I’ve ever read, she’s just so damn good at it. And this one in particular has just no bad qualities at all. It tugs at your heart and has real depth. But yeah, Ruta has an incredible gift. She does a fantastic job of writing dialogue, descriptions, and interior monologue. They blend together perfectly to make a very readable, deep, and touching book.

Red Rising by Pierce Brown

MAJOR AUTHOR SWOON ALERT. B/C PIERCE IS FINE AS HELL. Additionally, he is an absolute nerd, has an incredible vocabulary, is so well-spoken, and is such a freaking bookworm himself.

ANYWAY. His passion for science fiction and literature itself is so evident in “Red Rising.” He writes very carefully and every line has a purpose. The imagination of this novel is simply astounding. And the fact that this is his first publish work... is just... I cannot.

I have seen blurbs about this book that compare it to Hunger Games... NO. This is nothing like Hunger Games. imho it’s better.

This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen

The YA queen! <3 I have read all of Sarah Dessen’s books except her newest release “Once and For All,” but “This Lullaby” is my favorite of hers. To the point where if I ever have a daughter, I want to name her Remy.

All of Sarah’s books are realistic and ground themselves in ordinary characters who are dealing with hardships that are yes difficult, but not crazy dramatic or out of the realm of possibility. They just feel like real life. With this book specifically, I personally felt like the focus was on the characters even more than her other works - which is saying something! but Remy and Dexter and all of their friends just jump out of the page for me. And I just really like how Remy in particular changes over the course of this novel; her story arc is a great one.

[atravelers-tale]

Inspiration

*Nerd alert*

I have been following the photographer Chris Burkard for a while now, I came across one of his landscape photos on Instagram and have been following his work closely ever since. I'm always checking his Instagram story to see what new adventure he is on next and living vicariously through him. I remember four weeks ago, sitting at my kitchen table crying to my husband about how lost I felt. About how I have wasted so much time being afraid and just existing. I took out my phone and showed him Chris Burkard's current Instagram story at the time. He was on a sailboat in Iceland shooting with a group, and I told my husband "That's what I want." That's all I've ever wanted. Traveling and photographing has always been in the back of my mind, but I've always been too afraid to try, and just figured I'd never be good enough anyway, let alone be able to pull it off. But it always comes back to photography for me, doesn't it? Then my husband said, "So do it." We had some money saved up; I just went through a significant life change that gave me the time to pull it off...

so that was it. No more being too afraid or making excuses. And I did it! I planned it over the course of a week, I drove fifteen+  hours a day across the country, I camped in the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and then I hiked Mount Zion in Utah, and then drove home. Though I had a friend travel with me, I did a lot of hiking alone. (Elevation sickness is an evil thing! I feel so terrible that she was affected by it.) And it was such an enlightening and empowering experience. I overcame so many fears and doubts, all on my own. I met so many people that I enjoyed talking to and a few who changed my life. I don't know their names, they don't know mine or how much they affected me, but they did.

It just reaffirmed how badly that I want to travel, experience the world, and photograph it. I know it's going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it. I probably won't make any money. I'll probably struggle monetarily for a long time. But I can't keep pursuing things I'm not passionate about. I'm tired of this cycle. It's time to just go for it all head on, win or lose.

Shortly after I got home from my trip, I found out Chris Burkard would be coming to Florida during his U.S. tour for his documentary "Under an Arctic Sky". I knew I had to go after everything that has happened in the past three weeks. It was just another one of the many uncanny, serendipitous coincidences that have happened, lately, that I had to see through. So many things during this time have felt like they were just meant to happen.

The drive to Jacksonville was hard; I still had some mild PTSD from my road trip (specifically from the highway systems in Texas and the hail storm in New Mexico). Once we got into town, I had to pull over and let my husband David drive because I can't handle messy high way systems and sketchy big cities. It probably also didn't help that I hadn't eaten all day because I was saving my appetite for Davids favorite part of the trip - eating at Whataburger. Once we ate, I felt better, and then we headed to the library where they were showing the documentary. Once inside and we gave our tickets, we saw Chris there with his crew at a merch table. Seeing him there in person kind of made it that much more real; that these things I aspire to do are possible because he does them every day. (He nonchalantly said he's been to Iceland 28 times during his Q&A!!) I went to the table and picked up one of his books, and told him how he'd been a huge inspiration to me. He was super chill and sweet and offered to sign my book, and then I asked for a picture like a nerd.

His film was very informative and inspiring. The room was packed full of people with varying interests from surfing to photography. His documentary was about a trip he had been planning for years in order to find the perfect swell to surf in Iceland, and the trials and tribulations they faced getting there. When he finally found a connect (a captain) that would take him to this remote spot off the coast of Iceland, the captain gave him a week to get to Iceland and make it all happen. A week! And he did it.

However, they never actually made it to the island they were hoping for due to weather complications, considering they encountered Iceland's worst snow storm in 25 years. But they found so much more than what they were looking for and overcame so many obstacles, and actually made history in the surfing and film industry along the way.

I'm not a religious person, but I've been to church a handful of times from sleeping over at friend's houses as a kid. You know that eerie feeling when the whole sermon feels like it is directed towards you and your life? That's how I felt watching his film and listening to his Q&A. It was so incredibly reassuring. I realized that he was just another human being who took big risks and chased his dreams and continues to every day. It made me realize I have to stop getting in my own way and stop believing that I can't handle the stresses and pressures of it all and that I would never be good enough. I have this awful habit of reading way into things and thinking stuff like "He started when he was 19 and is this successful at 31. I'm only a few years away from that. It's too late for me." Or, "How the hell am I going to find these remote places or even get there like he does?  And not die from panic?" And I have to remind myself; I'm not trying to be exactly like those who inspire me. My goal at the moment is to see the world, take photographs, conquer my fears, write about it and hopefully inspire other people while doing so. Getting featured in a magazine would be cool, but I have to take it one step at a time and stop thinking so far ahead and psyching myself out. I have to keep in mind what I learned from my road trip - I can do anything I put my mind to, as long as I believe in myself and never give up.