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walkingintheheartbreaksatellite · 2 years ago

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God Only Knows

(Niall Horan x Oc)

A side Chapter to Flicker. (Will have important bits that will be important to the future of Niall and Emily.)

Summary: The one where Niall turns 30 and Harry can’t handle it.

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET BABY IRISH BEAN!!!

Emily’s pov

September 12, 2023🎈

Things have been a bit crazy for us lately. I’m officially unpacked and living with Niall has been a dream- well, when he’s home. With his birthday coming up, I have planned a small party as to not overwhelm him with how busy he’s been.

But lately, it’s been difficult doing much, especially when it involves food. I know what’s going on… I’m just hoping Niall will be happy.

Niall walks throw the door, leaving his suitcase at the door as he struts over to me and picks me up, twirling me me around as he hugs me tight.

“Someone missed me!”

He pecks my lips and sighs, lowering me down before he sets my feet back on the ground.”

“Ya know I did, Em. I know ya had to work… but I wish you could’ve come with me.”

He hugs me tight, his head on my shoulder and he sighs.

“I know. But it’ll be fine! Now shoo! I’ve got to finish some last minute stuff for your party and I think you need some sleep. I’ll make you some lunch in a bit and bring it upstairs. Leave your bags down here. I’ll wash your clothes and you can put the rest away later.”

He sighs and lifts his head up, pecking my forehead before trudging his way up the stairs. I start the laundry and then start on his lunch when Harry comes in through the front door, carrying a box. I turn down the heat on the stove and rush over to help him.

“Did you get everything?”

He puts the box down and nods.

“Everything you ordered. Decorations, plates and all that. Balloons were ordered and I’ll pick ‘em up tomorrow.”

I smile and nod.

“Thanks Harry, I really appreciate this. I’ll get the balloons though. Why don’t you join Niall and Lewis tomorrow morning? Niall wants to teach him to golf. I’m sure it’ll be comedic.”

“Are you sure? That’s an awful lot to do on your own. I know it’s a small party but still- at least call one of your friends to help if not myself.”

“I got it! I’ve planned many a party in my day. My old roommates are coming and they’re helping set up, but everyone else is out of town. They sent presents though. Which I still have to wrap. But it’ll be fine!”

He sighs and nods. He gives me a side hug, patting my head before leaving.

September 13th, 2023🎈

Niall was out the door early with a small peck to my lips, leaving me with plenty of time to prepare.

I put on some music and get to work, cleaning the house and decorating. Zach, Aleks and Jenny arrived at about 10, with the party at 3 and we all got down to work. By the time we finished, cake and food set, my mom and Pedro had arrived, Kelly following behind them.

Kelly gives me a big smile and a hug as she comes through the door.

“Girly! Look at you! Damn! And everything looks great! Niall is gonna love it.”

I give her an anxious smile and bite my lip.

“I hope so. He should be here in just a minute. Oh shit- the presents! I forgot to wrap them!”

I give her a small hug and with Jenny behind me, I race up the stairs to wrap all his presents, including his special present. By the time I come back down, Niall is standing in the den with Harry and Lewis by his side. He sees me from across the room and gives me his signature smile that always gives me butterflies.

“There’s m’ girl! Come gimmie a kiss!”

I laugh and make my way over to him, hugging him and pecking his lips, noting the obvious smell of alcohol on him, Guinness as per usual.

“Well it seems like you had fun. Let’s get you some water. I think all three of you could use it.”

He chuckles and keeps an arm wrapped around my waist as we make our way to the kitchen. Once Niall, Harry and Lewis have some water in their system, we start the festivities.

“Alright birthday boy. Make a wish.”

“Petal, I’m 30. I’m not a boy… I’m a man.”

I snort and shake my head before pecking his cheek.

“Oh, a very manly man. Now blow out your candles before wax melts all over the pretty cake I made you.”

He laughs and nods and takes a deep breath, ready to blow out his candles. Before he can, we hear a sniffle to the right of us. I turn my head and see Harry, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Harry… are you crying?”

“It’s not fair! Why do we have to turn 30?! First Niall… and I’m next! ‘Ts not fair, Em!”

We all laugh and I shake my head. I walk over to him and give him a side hug.

“It’s okay, Harry. Just the way the world works.”

"But the universe and I had a deal.."

He pouts and I can’t help but snort. Aleks lays a hand on his shoulder, attempting to hold back his laughter.

“Harry, what are you complaining for, dude? You're at the freaking peak of your career!"

Harry frown and shakes his head.

“It’s all up hill until someone trips and falls flat on their face…”

I sigh and give him another hug, patting his back.

“Okay… I think you had a bit too much to drink. How about we get these candles blown out so you can have some of that cake? Sober you up? It’s sugar free…”

He chuckles and nods. Niall blows out his candles and squeezes my hand with a small smile. I serve up some cake and ice cream and I finally sit down next to Niall, who pecks my cheek.

“Thanks for this, Petal. You really didn’t have to…”

I peck his lips and smile.

“I know I didn’t. I wanted to. You made mine the most memorable I’ve ever had… I wanted to do something for you. I know you weren’t especially excited about this one… But I’m so, so happy you decided to celebrate. I want to celebrate you. I’m thankful for you, Ni. Everyday with you. Happy birthday, babe.”

He smiles and plants a passionate kiss to my lips. We all talk and laugh as we eat, until it’s time for presents. Niall laughs as he opens each present slowly, until he gets to the last present. He opens the box and he’s quiet for a minute before he looks at me.

“Em… You’re serious? Y-You’re—.”

I remain silent, only nodding as I nervously wait for his reaction. He stands up and takes me, hugging me tight. I sigh in relief, hugging him back, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. He pulls away slightly and kisses me, tears slowly falling down his cheeks as mine continue to fall.

He pulls away and wipes his tears, before turning to everyone who stand there with confused expressions. Niall takes my hand, a smile on his face.

“We’re pregnant!”

Gasps and claps echo through the room, my mom bursting into tears. Niall hugs me tight and smiles as he caresses my cheek.

“Not that I’m not happy Em, I promise I am… but how? You’re on the shot, right?”

I sit down and Niall takes a seat next to me.

“I was. But I noticed I wasn’t feeling well and I was late. So… I went just in case. Apparently… the batch I got a couple months ago was part of a batch that wasn’t fully developed. So it didn’t work all the way. And well… now we’re here. I know we’ve only talked a few times and neither of us wanted kids this soon-.”

He pecks my lips to silence me before he shakes his head.

“It’s perfect. I promise. No matter what… Our baby will be so loved… And honestly… I’ve never loved you more…”

I tear up, cuddling into his side as he holds me close. He rests a hand on my stomach, rubbing it as we sit quietly in our bliss, awaiting the times ahead.

>>>————————->

Enjoy the Flicker crumbs lovelies! Chapter six is in the drafts but hopefully they’ll be back soon!

Tag list

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies @kaminokatie @harrysmimi @violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @harringtons-honey @rafaaoli @kimmi-kat @erggggggggg @cayleyhannha-blog @acesofspadess @that-mcu-fan @styles-barnes-bitch @purple9950 @itslottiehere

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bettystonewell · 2 months ago

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ANOTHER NOTCH ON HIS BELT

Read on AO3 || Masterlist

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Every little part of him is holding onto every little piece of her, and any other woman he’s been lucky enough to escape his life with. Even if it’s only for the night - or - Dean replaces intimacy with sex. 18+ only

Word Count: 1.2k words

Tags/Warnings: lil’ bit of SMUT, casual sex, Dean needs a hug, light angst

A/N: Summary inspired by the lyrics of the song “Tough” by Lewis Capaldi.

He loves the sex.

Needs it.

Craves it.

The closeness it gives him. The warmth of someone else surrounding his hardened body. Touching, feeling, writhing below or on top of him. He doesn’t care.

Even with the scrapes and bruises he doesn’t remember which ugly bastard he ganked giving them to him, he’s not ashamed. He just wants to fill up his heart with affection to get him through the next death he knows is inevitable, no matter how hard he tries.

It’s something he can’t escape, except maybe for the night. Tonight, if he’s lucky.

As she pours him another cup, and places the pie he ordered beside his now empty plate, he pretends not to notice. It doesn’t mean he’s not watching. He just continues to hold the conversation with Sam while listening to her greet someone new.

Her voice carries like silk over the chatter of people and the ringing coming from the door. Her hands are clean, her skin soft and inviting as she pulls out her notepad and pen.

He flicks his head up to exchange a glance, and she actually winks at him. “Can I get you anything else?”

“Sammy?” He looks his brother’s way, but brings his gaze back to her the second he’s answered.

“Thanks,” he says and reads the badge pinned to her blouse aloud. “That’s a pretty name.”

The girls in these dives they eat at are always perfect in his eyes. Their lives are just so, even if they don’t see it.

No scars, at least not from weapons. Pliable flesh he can sink his fingers into. Grab, smooth, lick, taste. Sweet perfume that would fill a home he knows has things littered with the apple pie life he once thought he wanted.

He’ll tell no one he still does.

He’ll also never tell Sam that’s the real reason he doesn’t bring them to the motel anymore if he can avoid it. It’s easier to leave them when he wakes up and feels out of place.

She walks away, back to the counter whence she came with hips that sway in time to the tick of the dusty old clock on the wall. Past the other patrons and tables full of more coffee and mediocre food.

Chicken served in nugget form. Sandwiches lathered in sauce. It may be swill and smell closer to ass than edible, but if he plays his cards well, he’ll be devouring something far better tonight.

“Don’t wait up,” he says after downing the scalding liquid in one go. He’s done with waiting. Just needed the last boost of confidence before he goes in for the kill.

He stands up and grabs his phone. Brushes down his jacket, checking there’s nothing on it from the hunt, and looks up to the smile that caught his eye again.

She’s watching him.

“Don’t do the hot coffee thing,” Sammy bitches, as he walks away.

But while Dean ignores him, a split second frown sours his face. He refuses to let his baby brother see the remark stings.

It’s not about dipping his stick in the oil, but he’ll let Sam believe it is. The facade is easier than admitting the truth.

He steps up to the counter, where she’s taking some other chumps order, and raises the cup he never put down to gain her attention. There might be a suave grin thrown her way. Definitely a twinkle in his eye.

“Can I get another, sweetheart? Hot, and…just like you?” There’s a wag of his brow now.

“Sure thing, hun,” she says with a chuckle that makes her even more desirable. She doesn’t know how beautiful she is.

He wants to taste. He wants to touch. He wants her arms wrapped around him while he holds her tight. So he takes the opportunity presented to him. A brush of his fingers on hers when she hands the smooth ceramic back to him. Lingering as he gauges for any reaction. Any hint that she’s interested in being his comfort for the night.

“Thanks,” he says through a grin of goof and charm, and she smiles. Doesn’t even move her hand, and he knows he’s in with a chance.

“Can I get you anything else…?” she asks.

“Dean.” He winks.

“Dean,” she repeats, and he wants to hear it again. Underneath him. On top of him. Legs wrapped ‘round his waist as she chants it into his ear.

He’d settle for it once if it was on her doorstep, following an ‘I had a good time last night,’ and so he’s bolder. His choice of words, just as. “Any chance you’re getting off soon?”

And she chuckles, hearty and soft. Nods her head in consideration, tongue playing with her cheek as she looks him over nice and slow. “You don’t beat around the bush, huh, Dean?”

“Depends on the carpets,” he says.

It’s cheesy and cringe and doesn’t even make much sense, but it works. She’s placing the pot of coffee down, leaning in closer to him, hovering over him a couple of hours later in a room that’s both foreign in foundation and comfort.

Plush bedding that’s clean. No smoke or dust or grime in sight.

A light that never flickers and appliances that don’t buzz.

There’s a thigh on either side of him, bent at the knees just as he wanted. A sheen of sweat between. Her hands, warm and soft, creep over his skin, tracing patterns with tingles that curl his toes and tense the muscles in his shoulders and glutes.

His arms pull her down on him, pushing himself further into her. Giving her more of him, and she moans. He does, too. The squeeze of her walls on the covered tip of his dick is wonderful, but it’s the look in her eyes that does it for him.

There’s a connection, now, even if there might be none come morning. This lust that he can mistake for adoration is what he needs. What he craves.

He’s wanted. She feels. Her body is alive, and she cries his name.

“You like that, baby?” he asks with a snap of his hips, savouring the next sound she makes. If they go another round, he’ll do it again. When he’s alone with just his hand, he’ll chase it with the memory of her trembling lips, thighs and chest.

He’s pulling her tit into his mouth. Wide to capture as much of her smooth skin as he can. He’ll remember the saltiness, too. The way her nipple pebbles as his tongue swipes over and around it. The way her pelvis rocks.

She’s grinding down on him. Her fingers are tugging into his hair, and as her nails scrape down to the nape of his neck, he’s pulling her stomach to his.

He’s grabbing her ass and raising it up. He’s chasing both their highs.

And when it hits, and he feels his balls tighten, and her around him, squeezing him for all he’s worth, he’s burying his nose into the junction between her hairline and ear. Inhaling the soap and shampoo. Her perfume. The sweat on her skin. He’s taking it all in and holding her tight.

In this moment, she’s his.

The closeness she gives him. The warmth of her surrounding his hardened body. Touching, feeling, writhing on top of him.

He craves her.

He needs her.

And he’ll continue to, because it’s not just about sex. He loves the intimacy.

TAGLIST- If you’d like to be tagged, lmk.

@globetrotter28 @ambiguous-avery @arcannaa

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester smut #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #spn reader insert #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #spn #x reader #fem reader #reader insert #jensen ackles characters #replacing intimacy with sex #its a lonely life #one shots

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darylmydix · 7 months ago

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THE SCARS WE SHARE | daryl dixon [m.list]

❝i looked for you…at the start. why’d you leave without sayin’ goodbye?❞

summary: you were the only good thing daryl had in his life. bonded by similar trauma, you suffered abuse at the hands of your stepmother, just as daryl had suffered from his own father. when you finally decide to escape your abusive home life, you’re forced to leave behind your best friend in the process. now with the world in an apocalyptic state, you’re left wondering if daryl was even alive.

pairings: daryl dixon x f!reader.

warnings: smut, violence, blood and gore, unrequited love, best friends to lovers, mentions of s/a, mentions of abuse, mention of suicidal thoughts/attempts, mention of drug use, use of deadly weapons, fluff, angst, slow burn, strong language, kidnapping, coercion, seasons 5-11, 18+, minors dni.

©darylmydix. please do not repost.

000 | 001 | 002 | 003 | 004

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farfromstrange · 1 year ago

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The Matt Murdock Anthology

Find Me On AO3!

⤹ NAVIGATION.

🫀 -> comfort for the aching hearts

🔥 -> Smut/explicit sexual content (18+ MINORS DNI)

🌻 -> Fluff

💧 -> Angst

🪐 -> All fics set in the universe of my longest and ongoing work Foreigner's God

A/n: Some fics might not be displayed because I tend to forget updating this Masterlist. Newer fics are on here, older ones might have gotten lost. In that case, search the matt murdock x reader tag on my profile to find all my fics. It also includes fics I reblogged, but most of them are mine. Same goes for the Thots & Blurbs section. Most of those are classified as anon ask’s.

⤹ ONE SHOTS:

☽ Sleep [matt murdock x reader] 🫀

✑ she can’t sleep and he’s there to make sure she’s alright.

☽ Costumer Service [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥🫀

✑ after a rough day at work, you lash out at your boyfriend. matt being matt, he makes it his mission to give you what you need to relax.

☽ Late Night Talking [matt murdock x fem!oc] 🌻🪐

✑ eliza has the weirdest questions on her mind in the middle of the night. three times she wakes up matt to answer her questions and the one time matt wakes her with an important question.

☽ Spiders [matt murdock x fem!reader] 🌻

✑ matt finds a spider in the house and he refuses to kill it so his girlfriend has to step up to do the job. she hates it as much as he does.

☽ Long-distance [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥 🌻

✑ Matt buys you a long-distance remote vibrator so he can play with you while he’s away – but there is a twist! He has one too, and he wants you to play with him while he plays with you. All over the phone, no touching. You can’t say no to that offer.

☽ Gifted Kid Burnout [matt murdock x f!reader] 💧🫀

✑ she’s exhausted, burned out and he wants nothing more than to help her.

☽ Stay Quiet [matt Murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ porn without plot in which Matty fucks you in the office (and Foggy gets traumatized for life)

☽ For You [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ request: prompt 78 — loss of virginity (exactly what the prompt says it’s gonna be)

☽ Pointless [matt murdock x female!oc / matt x reader] 🌻 🪐

✑ song fic based on Pointless by Lewis Capaldi — a glimpse into how Matt views their relationship. (Part of the FG series, but no names are used)

☽ Ease The Pain [matt murdock x reader] 🔥🌻 🫀

✑ Matt helps to ease your period pains.

☽ Daddy Issues [matt murdock x reader] 💧🫀

✑ you flinch when Matt raises his voice for the first time and he learns about your daddy issues. Not the sexy kind.

☽ Angel On The Roof [matt murdock x reader] 💧 -> TW: SUICIDE

✑ Mental illness is silent until it isn’t, but then it’s often too late. Or, Matt accompanies a troubled stranger home on a couple of occasions, not realizing what he’s truly feeling until she’s already lost the battle against her own mind.

☽ Angel On The Roof (Your Version) -> Request; TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF-HARM but with a happy ending!

✑ What if Matt’s word did manage to talk you off the edge and you find a way out of the dark hole that is depression? This is ‘Angel On The Roof’ from your POV with a happy ending.

☽ Useless [matt murdock x reader]

✑ Matt finds you during a depressive episode and he takes care of you. 💧🫀

☽ Promise Me [matt murdock x ofc] 🪐

✑ Foreigner’s God One-Shot — tender moments shared at night

☽ Good Boys Deserve To Be Taken Care Of [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥

✑ Matt looks good in the mornings. He always looks good, but the object of your attraction lies a bit lower this time, and you want to worship him like he deserves. (Or, an ode to Matt’s beautiful ass and the attention it deserves.)

✑ Part 2 to this can now be read here.

☽ Are You Okay? [matt murdock x reader] 🫀

✑ Sometimes it takes just one question or one person to make your shitty day less shitty.

☽ Back To December [matt murdock x reader] -> Request 💧 TW: DEATH

✑ Everything and everyone eventually slips through Matt Murdock’s fingers, and he doesn’t manage to save you in this one. (Hurt/ no comfort)

☽ Narcissist [matt murdock x reader] -> Request 💧🫀 TW: DOMESTIC ABUSE

✑ Trying to catch a break from your abusive boyfriend, you find yourself seeking refuge and a drink at Josie's in the middle of the night. It's where you bump into Matt Murdock, a charming stranger with the promise of a night of fun. After taking you home with him, it doesn't take him long to discover the dark nature of your need to escape.

☽ Honest Mistake [matt murdock x reader] -> Request 🌻

✑ After a night at Josie's, Foggy spends the night. When Matt wakes up the next day to kiss you good morning, he soon realizes that it's not you who is lying next to him but rather Foggy himself.

☽ Tupperware [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ A conversation about kitchen supplies takes an unexpected turn…

☽ Matilda [matt murdock x f!reader] 💧🫀

✑ You tried moving on from your past, but some things still haunt you. Matt is there to comfort you and tell you that sometimes, it’s okay to just let it go, even if it’s your family.

☽ Brother [matt murdock x sister!reader] l -> Request 💧

✑ After an argument with Matt about something that seems so stupid now, you get kidnapped by a human trafficking ring and he has to save you, his sister, before something worse happens. He finds you battered and bruises, but at least you’re alive. (This is solely x sister!reader, nothing more)

☽ WORDLE [matt murdock x ofc] 🌻 🪐

✑ Eliza and Foggy play Wordle, and it soon turns into a very competitive game.

☽ Please, Be Okay [matt murdock x reader] 🫀💧

✑ When Matt doesn’t answer your texts or calls like he usually does, you start to expect the worst…

☽ You’re Losing Me [matt murdock x reader] 💧 -> Request

✑ Based on “You’re Losing Me” by Taylor Swift. You and Matt have a fight and you throw him out of the bedroom with a decision to make. The question is just, is he going to give up on you and prompt you to leave or will you two manage to fix what’s broken?

☽ Feisty [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ Matt decides he has to show you your place after you two have an argument.

☽ Sub Space [matt murdock x f!reader] 🌻🔥 -> Request

✑ After particularly rough sex with Matt, you find yourself lost in sub space and he takes care of you.

☽ Slipping Through My Fingers [matt murdock x teen!vigilante!reader] 💧 -> Request (Not a ship fic!) TW: Death.

✑ You get caught by yours and Matt’s enemies and he can’t save you.

☽ Naughty Girl [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ Messing around with Matt at work leads to an unwelcome interruption and your naughty side coming out, which Matt is not happy with…

☽ Cruel Revenge [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ Matt decides to mess with you at work this time when Foggy and Karen come to visit… (kind of a part 2 to Naughty Girl)

☽ Sweeter Than Fiction [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ You decide to learn Braille and buy a rather… unconventional book to put your knowledge to the test, and Matt gets suspicious about why a book gets more attention than he does (and gets you wet)

☽ Just Let Me Love You [matt murdock x f!reader] 💧🫀

✑ You're struggling with your body image. Matt comforts you.

☽ Focus [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ Matt blindfolds you after you ask him to show you what it feels like to experience an orgasm blind.

☽ Is It Over Now? [matt murdock x neutral!reader] 💧

✑ inspired by “is it over now?” by Taylor Swift. Matt cheats on you and you deal with your thoughts. Slight Frank Castle x Reader and Elektra x Matt. (Warning: Matt slander. This is from the POV of someone who had their heart broken. Beware.)

☽ New Year’s Day [matt murdock x neutral!reader] 🌻

✑ Inspired by many Taylor Swift’s discography. You recount your relationship with Matt as he asks you an important question on New Year’s Eve.

☽ Sensory Deprivation [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥 -> Request

✑ You help Matt focus after the world gets just a little too much.

☽ Up Against The Wall [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ PWP. You and Matt do it against the window after you pissed him off. That's it.

☽ Unicorns Need Love Too [matt murdock x f!reader] 🌶️ (semi-spice)🌻

✑ You’re ovulating, and your hormones are not taking it easy on you. Matt is there to help. Kind of. He’s a little shit.

☽ S.M.S [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ Soft Morning Sex with Matt Murdock.

☽ Interview With The Vampire [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥🧛💧

✑ You are the first journalist to interview Hell’s Kitchen’s resident vampire vigilante after he requested you personally to tell his story. (…) As it turns out, interviewing a vampire is a lot more complex than you expected it to be, and Matthew Michael Murdock has set his mind on ruining you for any other man to come.

☽ Tumb v Printer [matt murdock x reader] 🌻

✑ You’re clumsy, and Matt is worried about you. Especially when you cut your thumb on the inside of a printer.

☽ Burden Me [matt murdock x reader] 💧🫀 TW: suicidal thoughts & depression

✑ You’ve been having a very hard time lately, but when Matt walks in on you breaking down and crying, he’s there to comfort you and urge you to finally talk about the thoughts that sometimes come to haunt you.

☽ What if the way you hold me is actually what’s holy? [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

✑ you fantasize about Matt in the shower while he’s still at work only to find him suddenly right in front of you, ready to help you take care of your little problem.

☽ Pink Eye [matt murdock x gen!neutral reader] 🌻

✑ sickfic; you catch a bad case of pink eye and the common cold after New Year’s, and Matt takes care of you.

☽ One Soul [matt murdock x reader] 💧🫀

✑ Matt gets hurt, badly, and you have to break the promise you made him: not to take him to the hospital.

☽ Smaller Than This [matt murdock x reader] -> Request. TW: Eating Disorder💧🫀

✑ Matt helping Reading with an eating disorder.

☽ Mine [matt murdock x reader] -> Request.

✑ It’s your wedding day, and you relive how you and Matt met at St. Agnes.

⤹ ON-GOING SERIES:

☽ Foreigner’s God [matt murdock x fem!oc] 🪐 🌻 💧 🔥 ⇛ official tag is #foreigner’s god, if you want to search my profile! you should find all the chapters, previews, snippets, thoughts, etc. listed in chronological order.

☽ Total Eclipse Of The Heart [matt murdock x f!vampire!reader] 🔥🩸 ⇛ Part 1, 2, 3… ⇛ DARK FANTASY (dead dove do not eat) so you know what you’ll sign up for when you click the link. this shit filthy as hell. read at your own risk.

☽ Do No Harm [matt murdock x f!reader] 🌻 💧 🔥 ⇛ Doctor!Reader, slow-burn series

☽ Carpe Noctem [vampire!matt murdock x f!nun!reader] 💧🔥🩸 ⇛ Dead dove don’t eat, dark fantasy, no happy ending and a little bit of insanity…

⤹ HEADCANONS:

☽ Going on vacation with Matt Murdock [matt Murdock x afab!reader] 🔥 🌻

✑ what it would be like to go on vacation with our dear Matthew and his heightened senses (he really loves us in this one)

☽ Totally random Matt Murdock headcanons that keep me up at night [matt murdock x reader] 🔥 🌻

✑ some headcanons (6, to be exact) that keep me up at night

⤹ THOTS & BLURBS:

☽ Going to Fogwell’s with Matt… [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

☽ Switch!Matt thots [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥

☽ False God By Taylor Swift Thot [matt murdock x reader] 🔥

☽ Sub!Matt thot [matt murdock x reader] 🔥

☽ Matt being too big thot [matt murdock x f!reader] 🔥

⤹ EVENTS:

☽ Kinktober 2023 (Matt's Version) [matt murdock x afab!reader] 🔥

☽ Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration -> Introducing: The Vault 🔥 🌻 💧

☽ Fictober 2024 (Matt’s Version) [matt murdock x reader] 🔥

☽ Lizzi’s Birthday Bouquets (still being updated)

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x oc #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x gender neutral reader #daredevil #daredevil x reader #charlie cox #reader insert #matt murdock smut #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff

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pankowcrumbs · 3 months ago

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MasterList

Requests: Open

💕Fluff 🌶️Smut 18+ 💛Male reader

Prompt List and Characters who I write for.

Kit Connor

💕 The Last Box (one shot requested)

You and Kit meet in the most unlikely of places over a box of coco pops.

💕 The call (series)

You meet Kit at a house party in London.

Chapter 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

💕 When the wave hits (one shot requested)

You and Kit watch the Sunset together and get knocked over by a rouge wave.

💕 Let the woman speak (one shot requested)

Kit keeps Stealing the mic in an interview when you are asked questions.

💕 Pillow Fort (one shot requested)

You're having a Movie night with the cast of Heartstopper and it ends in chaos.

💕 Sneezes (one shot requested)

Kit Can't stop sneezing in a serious scene making everyone place bets and giggle.

💕 Sleepy (one shot requested)

You, Joe and William fall asleep and end up in a tangled mess leaving Kit to judge you all.

💕 Skating (one shot requested)

You and Kit go Ice skating with the Cast.

Taron Egerton

💕 Blind Date (series)

you star alongside Taron in a movie.

Chapter 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

💕 Fame (one shot)

a meet cute on the carpet for Kingsman

Masterlist for Stranger Things Cast and Actors

Masterlist for Outerbanks and Actors

Masterlist for Formula One Drivers (and Ex Drivers)

Masterlist for Members of the Bands 5 Seconds of Summer, One Direction * and The Vamps

*Excluding Liam

Masterlist for Everyone in the Harry Potter Universe

Masterlist for Bridgerton Characters and Actors

ACOTAR Rhysand Cassian Azriel

YUNGBLUD/Dominic harrison

Fourth Wing Xaden Riorson Dain Aetos Ridoc Gamlyn

Asa Butterfield

Lewis Capaldi

Will Poulter

💕 Kingston's (one shot)

You and Will fall in love on set of a show called Kingston's.

Tom Hardy

💕 Whiskey Kisses (one shot)

a few too many drinks and karaoke and you're kissing your co-star.

💕 Game over (one shot)

A intense board game night

💕 Bookshelf (one shot)

When Tom comes home to you trying (and failing) to make a bookshelf.

Richard Madden

💕 Surprise Kiss (one shot)

An impromptu kiss at the oscars.

💕 Lie detector (one shot)

Some feelings are admitted when you and Richard go on Vanity Fair lie detector test.

💕 The line (one shot)

when the line between your characters blurs

Tom Holland

💕 The Key (One shot requested)

Tom is shit at throwing and its integral to the scene making a hilarious mess up.

💛💕 Slip up X Male Reader (one shot requested)

You and Tom are married and he accidently outs you both on live TV.

Sam Holland

Harry Holland

💕Tour (One shot)

Harry directs your Tour documentary but you both fall in love along the way.

Paul Mescal

💕 Blind date (one shot)

You and Paul are set up on a successful blind date.

Fred Hechinger

All rights reserved. No part of these stories may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including printing, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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sc0tters · 2 years ago

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The Last Goodbye | Mat Barzal

summary: you and Mat had been at opposing ends for weeks and with no clear truce in sight is it time for you two to call it quits?

song: burning - Lewis Capaldi

request: yes/no

warnings: mentions of sexual themes but no actual smut, mentions of game injuries, mentions of alcohol use.

word count: 2.1k

authors note: I’ve been DYING to write for Mat and actually put this song into the celly playlist hoping that someone would pick him… if you want to check out or be apart of the celly here is the playlist!

pt 2

Your love for Mat grew to consume you.

You had been in love with your boyfriend since the day you met him when you were both fifteen and now well into your twenties it hadn’t changed. Mat had asked you out in your apartment as you happened to be at university in New York.

The hockey player was the best boyfriend that you could have ever asked for he was there to listen and always made sure that you knew you were love.

That’s the type of couple you two were, the fans adored your signature monthly photo dumps that had scattered pictures showing your love for each other and highlighting your favourite memories from that month.

Which was why the fans were so shocked that from February May hadn’t made a single one of these dumps. Your usual Valentine’s Day date that gave you one of your favourite moments of the year. Not because Mat would pull out the biggest most extravagant stops, but because it was a whole day that you two would spend together away from everyone else.

It was a day that you two didn’t get the chance to spend as Mat was busy in the physios room as he tried to get his knee back in shape to return before the end of the season.

But when he learnt that it wasn’t a reasonable timeline for him the Canadian was quick to go down a destructive path. It started off with treating you like you were his roommate rather than his girlfriend. You didn’t know the last thing that he had kissed you or even hugged you. It then turned into him coming home at the stupid hours of the morning reeking of alcohol as he came home from whatever bar or club that he had spent his evening in.

Most nights you would just bite your tongue and would wait until he fell asleep before you’d go to cry in the bathroom.

The reason why you were so emotional was because you were losing the love of your life and there was nothing you could do about it. You were trapped in your front row seat to watch the spark disappear from Mat’s eyes and thus the spark from your relationship too. What made it so tough was that there was nothing you could do about it.

One night though when Mat bumped into your bed waking you up, you decided that you had enough “Mat?” You called out as you let out a yawn turning your bedside lamp on as you looked at him.

Mat showed no remorse as he was getting undressed “go back to bed,” his voice was stern as he pulled the shirt over his head.

It almost brought you a sense of comfort that there was no clear evidence that he was cheating on you. He might not love you anymore but to you at least he hadn’t slept with another girl yet.

You leaned against your headboard as you let out a sigh “where have you been?” You asked as he placed his hands on his hips.

The boy was clearly growing irritated “don’t worry about it,” he grumbled as he shook his head.

The pain you felt as you chewed at the inside of your cheek was just enough to take your mind off of the pain that you felt in your heart. It seemed like you couldn’t take him beating around the bush, so when he walked into the bathroom you followed him “do you even love me anymore?” The question made him stop his evening routine as he sent her a scowl in the mirror “don’t ask stupid questions,” Mat warned as he shook his head.

Your eyes began to water as you began to realise that he was falling out of love “I’m going to sleep in the guest room.” You announced as you grabbed your phone from the table.

All you wanted to hear was that Mat did love you, but not even a peep came from his lips.

That was the first night that started the span of two months where you slept in that guest bedroom.

You wanted to say that it was getting easier as his recovery was on a much better path than originally you didn’t want to lie, somehow it had actually gotten worse. The conversations between the two of you only entailed what your plans were for the day.

Sure you didn’t like it but you accepted it because it felt like a battle you would always lose if taken on.

What made it more challenging was when his mother came to town. You loved Nadia like she was your own mother, but this was going to be the hardest thing to force. You had come home and got the fright of your life when you came home to see Nadia smiling on the couch as she sat with Mat “hey baby,” the hockey player was quick to get up as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

The gesture caused you to flinch as your eyes went wide “hi Nadia!” You went through this internal stage of panic.

That week didn’t even end there, oh no, Mat was the Mat that you love. He was in your bed every night and the two of you even had the chance to have some proper conversations. Sure there wasn’t any intimacy, the fire in your relationship still hadn’t come back but you were ready to wait and take the baby steps.

The moment he left to drop his mom off at the airport you realised that you maybe weren’t ready to wait. You missed the way he had you gripping the headboard for dear life as he ate you out, or how he’d hold your boobs when he let you ride him. But most of all you missed the kiss that he’d place on your head as you came back to reality after a few rounds of sex, the laugh Mat would release when you locked eyes for the first time afterwards always sounded so heavenly.

So when he left you hopped into the shower to start your extensive shaving routine that you had on nights you thought you’d end up in your bed with no clothes on. You even had time to curl your hair. The outfit was easy, it was your orange lingerie with your little blue robe that the boy loved so much. Usually you only pulled it out after a big game.

Mat walked back into the house to see your ass in the air as you were getting ice for your drink “what’s all this for?” He asked in an amused tone as he cocked his head.

You took one of the blueberries from your glass so you could pop it into your mouth “you,” a smile formed on your lips as you pointed at him.

Reality was quick to burst the bubble that you had created over the last week “I’ve got to go meet up with the boys,” the hockey player explained as he looked at his watch to see that he was late.

The scoff that came from your lips was obvious “are you fucking serious?” Your mouth fell agape as you shook your head.

The hockey player furrowed his eyebrows “what’s wrong?” He frowned as he saw that you were upset.

During the conversation you had grown to realise something rough “you’re not even attracted to me anymore are you?” Not once since he had gotten back to the apartment had his eyes gone lower than your chin. The outfit that used to get him in his knees in milliseconds for you now had him acting like a saint.

The look of sadness in his eyes now turned to anger “you know I am,” he was actually offended by the accusation.

Your arms crossed unintentionally making your boobs look bigger “then why haven’t you kissed me in months?” You cocked your head eyes growing cold as you realised how long it had been.

Mat swore you hadn’t been around for the last seven days “I kissed you last week!” He pointed out as he took a step closer to you.

You sighed as you shook your head “that was when your mom was here,” you pointed out as he hadn’t even really kissed you, it was only those little forehead or temple kisses.

The hockey player pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration “you want me to kiss you?” He laughed as he couldn’t believe the words that are coming out of your mouth “is that what this is all about?” Mat added as he cocked his head letting his fingers run through his hair.

Trying to ignore the pain in your chest was your own mission impossible “I want you to love me.” You confessed as you let out a huff.

The words caused Mats world to stop “you know I do,” he was surprised to hear that you thought your own boyfriend didn’t love you.

You let your glass hit the counter with a slam “say it then,” you thought the request was fairly simple.

The hockey player looked at you like you were speaking a different language “what?” His eyes went wide as his mouth ran dry.

You pressed your pointer finger against his chest “tell me that you love me,” you repeated your words as your breathing grew unsteady.

Mat let out a sigh “baby,” he mumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

You knew that this move was going to be abrupt and out of nowhere “goodbye Mat.” Tears welled up in your eyes. It was that moment where he could no longer tell you that he loved you, a phrase he used to say at the end of every phone call was now something that he couldn’t even pronounce. That was the moment you knew you had to leave.

The hockey player nodded “when are you coming back?” He asked realising that he was going to have to do some serious grovelling to get you happy again.

Although Mat knew it sounded horrible but the only thing going through his mind was how could he avoid the conflict that had been brewing. That night in your room was the first night he shut you down and this was meant to do the same thing.

Your lip began to quiver as your heart got cold feet from your minds decision “this isn’t that kind of goodbye,” your voice completely broke as you shook your head.

Mat finally realised what you were talking about “you’re breaking up with me?” He asked as he watched you walk away.

You refused to be the one to take the blame for it “this relationship ended a long time ago,” that was true, whilst you still loved him the love that he had for you was no longer being shown and that’s where the downfall of your relationship was routed.

Love was meant to be a two way street and right now it didn’t even feel like the cement was ready for you two.

You pulled a new summer dress that you hadn’t gotten a chance to wear yet over your head “I’ll be back later to get my things.” You confessed as you slipped on the closets shoes to the door.

Mat remained quiet as he so badly wanted to wake up from this nightmare “I’ll see you around Mathew.” You took the little M necklace off of your neck as you placed it onto his palm before you closed it off.

Both of you had tears running down your faces as you walked out of the apartment. Mat wanted to run after you but he couldn’t. He literally felt trapped as the tears streamed down his face causing his body to slide down onto the ground as he leaned against the wall.

It had been a week since you walked out on him and Mat had made his return back to the game. As he scored his first goal back the teamed swarmed him in a celebration. But through all of their cheers he scanned the crowd, it was a normal habit for him as he never knew where you were sat. But halfway through the scan he was met with the harsh reminder, you had broken up with him. So you weren’t going to be sat in the crowd screaming his name, you weren’t wearing his old match worn jersey. But the last reminder was the worst pill to try to swallow.

You were no longer his.

#mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #Mat Barzal oneshot #nhl imagine #nhl oneshot #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #ambers 150 celly #imagines #oneshots #islander imagines #amber writes fics

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lov3rachan · 5 days ago

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Loving you is a losing game

Love is pain and joy.

For some, the pain is blinding

Genre: Angst (no comfort) , gender neutral (you/your) [HEED THE WARNINGS!]

Nine angsty drabbles (divided in 2 parts) that are unrelated to each other. I divided it in 3 sections according to what kind of love it is.

Section One: hurtful love

Section Two: helpless love

Section Three: hidden love

Thanks to: @blueohs and @skzdreamer13 for their feedback, ideas and overall support!

Written: 16.01.2025-19.01.2025, 21.01.2025, 02.03.2025, 04.03.2025-08.03.2025

———— Hurtful Love ————

Bang Chan

“Let’s not go official, we can keep the you and me. Don’t ask: ‘What are we?’” - I like it (Stray Kids)

Warning: angst, fighting, mention of jealous sex, situationship

Playlist: I like it (Stray Kids), Taste (Stray Kids), Someone you loved (Lewis Capaldi)

Overall word count: 787 words

-> Part One: Ticking clock

-> Part Two: Wasted chances

Lee Know

“I'm addicted to you” - Taste (DanceRACHA - Stray Kids)

Warning: angst, toxic relationship, arguing, love-hate relationship, unhappy marriage, cheating

Playlist: I like it (Stray Kids), Taste (Stray Kids), Red lights (Stray Kids), Hate me (Ellie Goulding), Van Horn (Saint Motel)

Overall word count: 717 words

-> Part One: The Hating game

-> Part Two: The Waiting game

Hwang Hyunjin

“I can't take it anymore, what should I do?” - Cover me (Stray Kids)

Warning: angst, toxic reader, commitment issues, implied smut, commitment issues, friend with benefits, manipulation

Playlist: Cover me (Stray Kids), I like it (Stray Kids), Taste (Stray Kids), Red lights (Stray Kids), In the name of love (Bebe Rexha)

Overall word count: 997 words

-> Part One: Play Pretend

-> Part Two: Careless whisper

———— Helpless Love ————

Seo Changbin

“Don't know how I can go on without you” - Leave (Stray Kids)

Warning: angst, cancer, death

Playlist: Leave (Stray Kids), Cover me (Stray Kids), Slipping through my fingers (ABBA)

Overall word count: 770 words

-> Part One: Helpless

-> Part Two: The End

Han Jisung

“Every time I see you cry, I feel like drowning in the dark” - Hold my hand (HAN - Stray Kids)

Warning: anorexia, kind of depression, low self esteem, insecurity, self harm, body image issues, online hate from netizens, starving

Playlist: Hold my hand (Stray Kids), If I killed someone for you (Alec Benjamin), Save me (Bruno Martini)

Overall word count: 1027 words

-> Part One: Haunted

-> Part Two: Make it Even

Kim Seungmin

“I search for you in our broken memories. Even when I grasp one, all I remember is your tears, oh” - Ex (Stray Kids)

Warning: domestic violence, death (murder), abuse, toxic relationship (but not with Seungmin)

Playlist: Ex (Stray Kids), As we are (Stray Kids), Atlantis (Seafret)

Overall word count: 805 words

-> Part One: Discarded

-> Part Two: Gone away

———— Hidden Love ————

Lee Felix

“So unfair, I’m still left in despair” - Unfair

Warning: breakups, scandal and hiatus, netizens being assholes, kind of unrequited love, friendzone

Playlist: Happier (Marshmello), Unfair (Stray Kids), Goodbye Winter (Day6)

Overall word count: 829 words

-> Part One: Unfamiliar

-> Part Two: In his arms

Yang Jeongin I.N

“Countless new surroundings, cold eyes keep looking me down” - Social Path

Warning: rejection, society being terrible, I.N self sabotage

Playlist: Social Path (Stray Kids ft. LiSA), If only (Dove Cameron)

Word count: 839 words

-> Part One: Untackled beasts

-> Part Two: If only

Comment:

There’s going to be a playlist for each part, but “Toxic” (Britney Spears), “I like it” (Stray Kids), “Cover me” (Stray Kids) and “Unfair” (Felix - Stray Kids) were the ones that inspired me to write it at first. I truly hope you like it!

Series taglist: @lovetaroandtaemin

(Wanna be added? Send an ask or reply to this post)

#skz x reader

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iphoenixrising · 2 years ago

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Masterlist 3

Tim-centric con't

Red Robin tweaks: BatDad & Boomerang | Fallen (What if Dick didn't catch Tim | Kon catches Tim

Tim Drake Week: Day 2: Sick Bird| Day 6 (Firefly fusion) | Day 7 (Injury/Healing)

Whirlybird!!!! BABE MADE ME A WHIRLYBIRD & HC

Kid!Tim: De-Aged!Tim: Not trusting the BatFam ... but the Titans | Kid!Tim works (Different ways Tim joins the Bats earlier):Tiny!Tim au on Ao3 | Kid!Tim is discovered by Robin!Jason & Window Seat & Tiny!Tim au: The Fever & Tiny!Tim and the Secret (for 500 Followers!) & Tiny!Tim and The Wrong Bus | Tiny!Tim and Tiny!Peter ask | Home for Tiny Birds (Convergence w/ NHFDB!Tim): One & Two | Jason's Death (HCs): One & Two & Three

Converging the AUs:

"Feels" by iphoenixrising , a graphic by Miss Coco Chips | Convergence

Home for Tiny Birds: NHFDB!Tim visits Tiny!Tim

Fracture!Tim meets Talon!Tim & Dr!Tim | Sated (NSFW HC)

Fracture: the Multiverse & Future!AU

Boy All the Bad Guys Want:

Pamphlets: One (based on this ) & Two

Joker Junior: One & Two

Jean Paul One & Two

Talon!AU: in which Tim is a Talon & RR without Tim & Mindfuckery & Titans on the Hunt | Gray Son must Die (in which babe wrote most of the thing) & Functionally Immortal & Brainwashed, Hurting, Dissociating, Angry, and Lost & the Assassin & the Talon | Refuge w/ Shiva & A Killer | Rebuilt & vs Fracture!Tim

Dr!Tim (DickTimJay; in which Tim is a trauma surgeon and DickJay are vigilantes)

Meta: on AO3 | Art in which I cry with joy | How it all Began (light NSFW) | Follow-Up

The Submissive & Safeword (HC) & Safewords Out & Sub-Drop | Not Safewording Ask | Annnd Consequences

London Bridge: is Falling & (Missing Scene) & Afterward w/ guest star, Tony Stark!

That whole thing at Arkham Dr!Tim and Arkham Riots: One & Two | Arkham Breakout | But, that's not all Dr!Tim and Fear

Tony Stark in Dr!Tim: The Surgeon, The Captain, and the Soldier (for 600 followers!) | SteveTonyBucky (for 700 followers!)

BatFam Prompts, Drabbles, & Thoughts

Interest (see also "DickTimJay: Destroyed")

SuperBats

Fic Recs: Funeral & Dr Oz by awkwardbluefish Calling It by reallyautomaticvoid

Damian

Headcanons: on Tim & Shiva | Characterization | as a Boyfriend and NSFW specifically w/ Jason and also with Dick

Dami and ...: Dick & Tim at the Arcade | Tim & Don't panic, but we accidentally got marries | Comfort | Robin's Redemption (for 400 followers!)

Fic Rec: DamiTim by hauntedlittledoll

DamiTim Nurse Tim! Robin!Dami WIP on Ao3 | Concept | Alph!Dami/Alph!Jon/Omega!Tim: The original ask| Tim & Dami

Night Sky

Jason

Jason Todd's mouth & Languages (HC) | Jason's Accent & its inspiration

v. the Pit and then I saw Counting Bodies like Sheep

Misc: Jason, the Outlaws, and the Joker | Crochet | RHatO #25!UA | Silence (tw warning: major character death) | Bottom Jason Todd Week: Daddy Kink, Rare pair Jay/Thomas Elli Heavy in your Arms: One & Two (Angst; Based off the song with the same title by Florence + the Machine)

Marvel

Misc

Miraculous Ladybug Play | The Way to His Heart

Check Please!Check Please WIP | WIP 2

Voltron: all because of satire-please Team Dynamics | Left Behind | Waking | You, Not the Lion

#masterlist #masterlist 3 #winter writes #we have some fics here

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mid-sweettalk · 5 days ago

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Forget Me - Chapter 1: Even After All This Time

Ship: Gelphie (Wicked)

Rating: E (Omegaverse smut)

Chapters: 1/?

Summary:

It's been three years since Elphaba left Galinda in the Emerald City--three years of barely surviving, barely managing to stave off her heat. But now, her luck has run out, and her only option is to find the Alpha that Marked her all those years ago--her Alpha. or Alternative post-Stuck Safe where Defying Gravity still happens. Set post-intermission.

Based off of this tumblr prompt

Read on Ao3

Author's Notes:

This fic brought to you by parentheses because holy wow did I go a little overboard with them. And also thanks to @divorcedmoonlight for bribing convincing me to push this chapter to the top of my list over the three others I’m already working on lmao. PLEASE NOTE this is a very very angsty fic where Defying Gravity still happens after the events of Stuck Safe. I am not considering this true canon for the Stuck Safe verse. I still plan on writing oneshots/future fics where literally none of this happens so please don’t fret—i’ve had this doc (affectionately) titled “Stuck Safe Dark Timeline” and that’s exactly what it is, so just think of it as an alternate to the actual stuck-safe-future canon. I just can’t keep from writing canon divergences of my own fics apparently. (tl;dr: gelphie will still get their babies in the countryside, just probably not in this particular story) Chapter and story title from Forget Me by Lewis Capaldi! With all that said, enjoy some angsty reunion smut <3

It starts out of desperation.

Elphaba has just barely been able to manage her cycle since becoming Oz's Wicked Witch. She'd stretch out whatever little supply of suppressants she did have, and when her heat would finally catch up to her, she'd get lucky—she'd come across a pharmacy she could break into, a doctor she could persuade (after disguising herself a considerate amount). There'd been one time when she'd found another actual Omega and—guiltily, knowing first-hand how difficult they could be to come across—swiped some, leaving a few coins in their place. As long as she caught it early enough, her heat would end before it had truly begun, and she'd repeat the process for months at a time.

Apparently, her luck only lasted about three years.

It's been days now, since her heat started, and there's been no trace of Omega suppressants anywhere. Her body seems to be seeking revenge for its poor treatment, as the symptoms struck her quickly and harshly. She’d barely had any warning before the cramps started.

When she first attempts to take care of it herself, like she had in her Shiz dorm room what feels like a lifetime ago, she tries her damnedest not to think of blonde hair, brown eyes, that scent of vanilla and caramel—because she can't have it, because she can't have her without putting both of them in danger, without risking the new life she knows her Alpha has built in the Emerald Palace.

(And she is still her Alpha, will always be her Alpha, no matter the time or distance between them. That is a truth that will be as forever ingrained in the fabric of Elphaba’s heart as it is in the scar that lies in the dip between her neck and shoulder. It’s a painful truth, but it’s all she has left to hold onto.)

And so she can't help it, and the thoughts come unbidden, and the mating Mark on her neck burns as she comes desperately around her own fingers.

Of course, it doesn't work, part of her knows it will never work, but still she tries—again and again. Four fingers are nothing compared to the feeling of her Alpha's knot, nails digging into her Mark do not equate to her Alpha's mouth on her skin.

She comes, and comes, until she reaches the point where nothing can bring her over that edge anymore.

(She misses her so much. Memories echo in her ears—a sweet, high voice turned desperate.

I could make you stay, her Alpha had said.

But you won’t, she’d replied.

And it’s not just because of her heat, it’s not, because Elphaba has wished every Oz-damned day since she left that her Alpha had dared—for once—to order her around.)

And Oz, the pain.

At first, the pain comes and goes in waves, sometimes briefly—but mildly, never completely—sated by an orgasm. But the fifth day turns the cramps to an all-encompassing ache, one that brings tears to her eyes.

Elphaba hasn't cried in years, she hasn't allowed herself. So, once the first drop falls, a torrent of emotions comes with it that has her sobbing as loudly as she dares, curled up on the floor of the abandoned building she's holed up in.

She occasionally, briefly, thinks of another option: she knows there are brothels she could find. She knows, logically, that all she would need to end this torture is one night spent beneath someone else; she wouldn’t even need an Alpha, necessarily, just someone with the right tools and knowledge to trick her body into feeling sated. But the thought of anyone except her Alpha on top of her, inside her, filling her whether it be with a knot or a hand or some other device—well, combined with the cramps, it's enough to make her retch. Her Mark pulses sharply at the unwanted image in her brain, her body shivers with revulsion, and she knows that is not a true option.

Elphaba has to find her.

(She’s hated herself ever since she left, but the shame she feels at the fact that it’s this that makes her return, it’s this, of all things, that breaks her resolve to stay away—well, she’s never loathed herself more.)

She can barely stay on the broom, head foggy with the haze of pain, but she flies for over an hour. It's impossible to ignore the pressure between her legs, and the wind stinging her eyes makes it difficult to see into the many windows of the Palace.

She finally catches the sight of blonde curls and nearly falls from the sky at the pulse of wanting that wracks through her body.

She crashes onto the balcony—and it's truly crashing, not graceful in the slightest as she tumbles and lands on her side. The pain emanating from her lower stomach distracts her from the pain of the fall. She swears that, even from outside the closed glass doors, she can smell that vanilla-caramel scent, and it has her absolutely throbbing between her legs. She is barely able to make it to her knees, arms wrapped around herself in pain.

Her vision is hazy, and she can't see any movement in her peripheral vision. She's doubled over, biting her lip to keep from groaning, and hopes to Whoever is listening that she's truly found the right room, that nobody but her Alpha has heard her clumsy arrival.

Then, after what feels like hours but has probably been merely a few clock-ticks, the light shifts in front of her—the balcony doors open.

She peers upwards through her tears, sees a figure cast in shadow standing in the doorway. That scent is definitely real now, vanilla and caramel wafting over her. She swallows down a sob and just barely manages to croak out:

"Glinda?"

***

Glinda hates the life she’s built in the Emerald Palace.

And she does go by Glinda, now, to everyone in Oz. It hadn’t been her idea; Morrible had said that Glinda the Good rolled off the tongue more pleasingly, and at the time, she hadn’t been strong enough to argue. She’d thought, back then, that maybe it would be nice, to have this small piece of Elphie wherever she went, this constant reminder of the Omega she’d lost to the skies.

(She’d been so, so wrong. It ached—still aches—every time, just like her Mark did and continues to do every time it’s plastered and hidden with makeup, hidden because the citizens of Oz will love her more if she still “appears available.” Galinda Upland is damaged, heartbroken,abandonedgoods, and that won’t appeal to the masses, so Glinda the Good is the virginal, chaste Alpha dutifully waiting for the perfect prince or princess to come along.

Perpetuating the lie, acting along—she does it so well—and hearing her Omega’s name for her in every voice but the right one? It makes her sick.)

It’s been long enough now—has been for nearly two years, apparently—that Morrible has been pushing the topic of her finding a Mate.

“Bites can be remade,” she says. “Really, you can claim as many others as you’d like, no one would blame you for keeping your options open. It’s a shame you let that one bite you back.”

“The people would adore an Emerald City heir,” she says. “If it’s women you prefer, I’m sure there’s no shortage willing to mate with you.”

“Or what of that Winkie Prince?” she says. “Ozians love him; you’d be the most adored couple in history. I know he’s an Alpha, but there would surely be so many volunteers for surrogacy.”

Morrible says, and says, and says, and it all makes Glinda utterly nauseous with fury. She denies and distracts and excuses it all away, but she knows that there will come a time when Morrible will no longer give her a choice.

She already tried to take that choice away, once. Glinda can’t prove it, but it’s the only thing that makes sense—she’d been taking her suppressants as always, and yet she’d gone into rut just when the Wizard had decided to throw a ball to which all of Oz’s finest maidens and bachelors had been invited. Morrible had denied replacing her suppressants with placebos, of course, but there was no other explanation Glinda could think of, as without her Omega around, nothing should have randomly triggered her rut.

She’d been encouraged to attend the ball, to find a partner with whom she could satisfy her needs, because Glinda the Good would have an untold number of willing participants if she’d only travel downstairs to the ballroom. And if she were to find a Mate in the process, well, that would just be icing on the proverbial cake.

She’d denied, of course. She’d stayed sheltered and locked in her room for nearly a week—a long, miserable week of painful orgasms and painful heartache and burning tears and wishing more than anything that she had just gotten on that damn broom.

(But she hadn’t, and so she was and continues to be alone. She fears she will be—no, she’s resolved to be—alone for the rest of her days. She tells herself that her dreams of blonde-haired, green-skinned children running around the Gillikin countryside are as good as dead, a life no longer possible.)

So, when something—someone—crashes onto her balcony after three years alone in the Emerald City, it seems much too good to be true.

The sound is alarming, at first, of course—you’d be alarmed, too, at a loud, sudden noise outside your balcony doors when it was nearly the thirteenth hour. When Glinda sees a hunched figure, however, one that is clearly a person, she knows immediately who it has to be, as only one person would be able to reach a balcony this high.

Well. The hat gives it away, too.

Glinda’s heart thumps heavily in her chest as she moves to open the balcony doors. She’s moving more slowly than she means to, as if time has stilled or the air has become thicker. Part of her wants to leap for joy at the idea that her Elphie has returned to her, and yet another part is terrified of what she’s going to find on the other side of the glass.

She opens the doors and nearly collapses as she is suddenly surrounded by the sharp smell of cedar and pine and crisp winter air—her Omega.

Her Omega in heat.

Elphaba has landed hard, as that horrendible broom has tumbled to the edge of the balcony. Glinda takes in the sight of her—hunched over on her knees, arms wrapped around her middle, that same hat and cloak Glinda had given her what feels like a lifetime ago that are now tattered and filthy from years on the run. Her face is thinner, and she seems smaller beneath all the black layers than she had when she’d left.

(I could make you stay, Glinda had said, desperation causing her to grasp for any option that would keep them together.

But you won’t, Elphie had said, and she’d been right. Glinda would never abuse her Status, use her Alpha tone of voice to order Elphie into doing something she didn’t want to do.

She also, apparently—stupidly—wouldn’t leave with her, either.)

It all feels unreal, impossible, and Glinda briefly thinks she’s fallen asleep without realizing, that this is just one of many, many dreams she’s had over the years where Elphie reappears.

But then, not-possibly-Elphie looks up at her, flushed and feverish, and calls out her name.

Glinda?

And oh, it is her Elphie, because no other voice could bring Glinda to her knees as this one has right now. That low voice she’s longed and ached to hear is filled with exhaustion, with torment, with need, and Glinda is next to her because there is nothing else she could possibly do, no other option exists in this moment.

“Elphie?” she breathes, as though she still cannot believe it. But she reaches out a hand and cups a green cheek and Elphaba Thropp is real, really here, kneeling on her balcony and exuding heady pheromones that already have Glinda stiffening between her legs. Elphaba clutches desperately at the hand now on her face and presses it close, inhaling deeply at her wrist. It sends a throb of want through Glinda’s body, shooting up her spine in a way she hasn’t felt in years.

She’s dragging Elphie to her before she can stop herself.

Their lips collide in a frantic mess, hands roaming and grasping wherever they can reach to pull each other impossibly closer. Elphaba is quickly crawling into her lap, straddling her hips and grinding down against her. Both of them gasp into the kiss, and their teeth clack together as their tongues find each other. Glinda feels hands pulling at her hair and wet heat pressing against her through her nightgown and groans, the sound feeling foreign as it leaves her throat as it has been so long—

A pang of terror shoots through her heart at the thought of them being caught like this, and she pulls back from the kiss as much as she dares—she fears her heart will burst if she moves too far away. “You shouldn’t be here,” Glinda breathes without thinking, but it’s true. Her Elphie is not just Her Elphie, she is the Wicked Witch of the West, and as much as she has dreamed of this happening, it is so incredibly dangerous.

She regrets saying the words when Elphaba looks as if she’s been slapped across the face. Green fingers twitch in her hair. “I—I know,” she stammers breathily. “I’m sorry, my sweet, I’m so sorry to put you in danger like this—”

“Me?” Glinda interrupts incredulous. Realizing her voice has raised too loudly, she lowers it to hiss, “Me, in danger? Elphie, they will kill you if they find you here.”

Elphie opens her mouth as if to say something, but Glinda moves into action before she can. She glances back into her chambers to make sure no one has entered since she came out here—it’s rather late for one of the servant girls to randomly show up, but she can’t take any chances right now, not when it’s her love at risk. She reluctantly pushes Elphie off her lap and stands, pulling her Omega up with her. Remembering at the last moment to grab the broom, she drags Elphaba into her chambers and closes the balcony doors.

She lets go of Elphie—again, very reluctantly—and stuffs the broom into her closet to keep it out of sight should anyone happen to enter. Regarding that, though, she turns to wave a hand at the door, making the lock turn with a click. Then, with both hands out, she mutters an incantation she’s known since their Shiz days and is satisfied when the acoustics of her chambers are ever-so-slightly muted.

“Did you just…?” Elphie says from behind her.

“Silencing spell,” she says to answer the unfinished question. Glinda turns around to face her and just barely manages not to break down at seeing her once more, now fully bathed in light.

Elphaba sways a bit where she stands, eyes blown nearly black, arms wrapped around her stomach again. “O-oh.”

Glinda knows there must be questions swirling through Elphie’s head—Glinda was never able to do that spell on her own, back then. She supposes there must be things about Elphie that Glinda doesn’t know now, either. It aches in her chest, knowing that her Mate stands in front of her at long last and yet they are practically strangers to one another.

“Gone for years, and you come back because of your heat,” Glinda says, and it’s not a question. Elphaba winces, guilt marring her features, and it spurs forward something angry within Glinda. “Not because you missed me, not because you love me, but because you want me to fuck you.”

She nearly spits the words, heartache infusing every syllable. Elphaba shrinks further into herself at the sound, and Glinda wants to scream.

You left, she wants to yell. You left me here alone and now you can’t even admit the truth?

“My sweet, I’m here because I love you—I stay away because I love you,” Elphaba says pleadingly, like she’s begging for Glinda to believe her. When Glinda only scoffs, she continues, “You know as well as I that if Morrible or the Wizard knew you were even speaking to me—”

“I can handle myself,” Glinda snaps, though she knows what the Omega speaks is truth. She doesn’t realize that her voice slipped into Alpha territory until she hears Elphie whimper, sees her eyelids flutter as she leans forward subconsciously. Her stomach twists uneasily at the realization, and she tries her best to calm down.

“I—I couldn’t risk you. I tried to last without you,” Elphie confesses, blinking through the haze that must be clouding her mind. “I tried so damned hard to stay away, to keep you safe, but I couldn’t—I can’t—” her voice chokes on a sob as she grasps tighter at her stomach, knees wavering.

Glinda moves forward, instinctively reaching out to steady her, but she stops herself before making contact. Her erection throbs between her legs at the pheromones Elphaba is putting out. She is so, so angry—perhaps unrightfully so, but it’s there—and yet her chest still aches simultaneously with years-old heartbreak and the need to comfort her Omega.

Her Omega, who is right here in front of her, needy and wanting and in pain.

“Why are you here?” she tries again, making sure her voice is more neutral.

Elphaba meets her gaze, chest heaving as she tries to breathe through the cramps. “Because I need you,” she whines.

Glinda feels herself harden further at her Omega’s tone. “Need me for what?” she pushes, taking another step closer.

Elphaba’s breath hitches. “I need you to fuck me, Glinda.”

That sends a thrill tingling down her spine, but it’s still not enough. Another step closer, and now they are mere inches apart. “Why?” she insists.

Elphaba whimpers, eyes briefly darting down to Glinda’s lips.

“Because you’re my Alpha.”

Glinda breaks, leans forward and kisses her, pushing that old hat off her head so she can tangle her fingers in messy black braids and devour her. One hand goes to Elphie’s waist and pulls her close until their hips press together, and she can feel as well as hear the moan her Omega lets out when she realizes how hard Glinda is for her.

“Oz, please,” Elphaba whines against her lips as she clutches at the backs of Glinda’s shoulders.

Glinda hisses as nails dig into her skin. She bites at Elphie’s lower lip in retaliation before spinning her around until she’s falling back onto the bed. Her sheets are as grand and pink as they had been back at Shiz, and the familiar sight of black and green atop them makes her heart want to burst. She only allows herself a short moment to stare at Elphaba as she lies there, flushed and panting and wanting, lest she burst into tears and ruin the moment. Then, she is above her again, kissing every inch of skin she can reach and searching for the buttons of her dress so that she may reach more.

Elphie helps her as she gasps into Glinda’s ear, and her sweet breath against her skin sends a shiver through Glinda’s body.

“Tell me again,” Glinda says lowly.

Elphie whimpers as Glinda moves her kisses down her neck. “My Alpha,” she moans. “My wonderful Alpha, I need you inside me.”

Glinda can’t hold back a growl and sucks harshly at a spot beneath Elphie’s jaw, barely deigning to soothe the abused skin with her tongue before moving down to repeat the process elsewhere. The buttons are finally undone, and Elphie quickly shucks it off her shoulders along with her cloak. Glinda’s hands move to roam over the newly-revealed skin, groping a breast in one palm and grasping at her rib cage with the other.

Her kisses make it down to a familiar scar—the Mark that matches her own. She mouths at the spot as her hands roam further, pushing Elphie’s dress down past her hips until her Omega is able to kick it away. She doesn’t bite into it again, not yet, just kisses and licks and sucks at the spot so she can enjoy the way Elphie writhes beneath her at the sensation.

“You’re mine,” Glinda growls, sliding her lips over to Elphie’s throat. She can feel her swallow harshly as she fights back another moan. Displeased, Glinda moves up until she can look into those forest-green eyes again. “Let me hear you,” she says, just a bit softer.

Elphie nods, and when Glinda’s hand palms her soaked underwear, she tosses her head back with an unabashed whine. “I’m yours!” she says unprompted, sending a pulse straight to Glinda’s cock that has her hurriedly dragging the ruined underwear down green thighs.

She has to stand briefly to take off her own undergarments, dragging her nightgown over her head. Elphie looks up at her as she does so, and Glinda sees her eyes focus on the space between her legs, where her erection is painfully straining against her underwear. Something softens in Elphie’s expression, and Glinda hurries to take them off before she can see—but it’s too late.

“Oh, my love,” Elphie breathes, reaching out even though she’s too far away. “My sweet, are they hiding you?”

Glinda tries to hold back a wince and isn’t quite sure if she succeeds, but she manages to squeeze out of the compression underwear and climb back on top of her Omega. “Please,” she says before kissing Elphie deeply, hoping she’ll drop the topic. “Please, not right now.”

Elphie hesitates, but nods in the end, drawing her into another kiss and lifting a leg to wrap around Glinda’s hip. “Okay,” she whispers. “Take me, my sweet.” Glinda’s breath hitches, her hips bucking so that she slides against her Omega’s wetness.

“Fill me,” Elphie continues between kisses. “I’ve missed you so much. Please let me feel you. Make love to me.”

How Glinda has seemingly become just as desperate as her Omega in heat is beyond her. She quickly reaches down, aligning herself with Elphie’s entrance and, with an open, messy kiss, pushes inside.

They groan loudly into each other’s mouths as Glinda fills her easily, as Elphie pulses around her to accommodate the stretch. Long nails are clawing at Glinda’s back again, and she tugs at Elphie’s lip with her teeth as she pulls back with a hiss.

“Fuck, baby,” Glinda moans, gripping tightly onto her Omega’s hips. She hooks an arm beneath the knee Elphie has raised and lifts it from her hip up over her shoulder, stretching her open beneath her. She pushes in further as a result, and Elphie gasps and digs her nails in.

“Glin,” she cries out, making Glinda’s heart soar at the pet name she hasn’t heard in years. Her hips buck upwards, and the Alpha starts moving within her.

“You take me so well,” Glinda praises, kissing down the side of Elphie’s face once more. As she thrusts in and out, she can feel wet walls clenching around her, trying to draw her in further. She groans and slides out almost completely before snapping her hips forward, driving deep into her Omega and drawing a cry of pleasure out from that beautiful green throat.

Glinda is overcome with a possessiveness the old her would never have allowed herself to display. Thrusting into her steadily now, driving her cock deep inside her, she leans up to Elphie’s ear. “You’re here because I’m the only one that can do this for you,” she pants. She feels Elphie nod as her hips buck upwards and takes it as a sign to continue. “I’m the only one who can fuck you like this.”

“Shit, I—” Elphie cuts herself off with a gasp, and when she doesn’t continue speaking, Glinda does instead.

“I’m the only one who can make you feel this good, right darling?”

Elphie nods frantically. “Yes, yes, yes,” she chants into Glinda’s ear, spurring her on. “P-please, I’m—ah!”

Glinda’s thrusts don’t slow, but they are getting shallower—her knot is forming, triggered by her Omega’s heat. She tilts her hips to hit that one spot inside Elphie that she knows will drive her closer to the edge, grasping tightly at the thigh slung over her shoulder. Leaning back so that she can see her face, she growls, “Please what, Elphie?”

Elphaba stares at her through half-closed eyes as she struggles to keep them open. They flutter with each thrust, her lips parted tantalizingly as she pants with pleasure and need. “Please, I need—I need you to knot me,” she begs, hand sliding up into Glinda’s hair. “I need you to make me come—I need to feel you come inside me, please, my Alpha—”

Glinda feels her hips stutter and reaches down with her other hand to rub at Elphaba’s slick-covered clit. Elphie moans as Glinda circles the sensitive nub, tightening around Glinda as the tension grows within them both.

“You’re going to take my knot, darling,” Glinda says, Alpha tenor ringing through her voice. She leans down to nuzzle against Elphie’s neck, lips brushing the Mark there. “You’re gonna take it all, and I’m gonna claim you all over again.”

“Y-yes, please!” Elphie moans, head tilting to the side to allow her Alpha closer. “I’m yours, I’m yours, please—Glinda!”

Glinda bites down, teeth perfectly matching the Mark that’s already there, and feels her knot slip inside her Omega. Elphie cries out as she pulses around her, clenching with each brush of Glinda’s finger over her clit, and clutches the back of her head to bring her closer.

Then, Glinda feels a sharp sting at the side of her own neck, her own Mark now redone, and her hips twitch forward as she empties herself inside her Omega. Wave after wave of pleasure rolls through them both as Glinda fills her, her knot sealing every drop inside.

They stay like that for a long, long moment, eventually releasing their biting holds on each other in favor of languid, wet kisses along necks and shoulders. Glinda eventually finds Elphie’s mouth again and relishes the feeling of their tongues pushing together, relearning each other.

“I love you,” Elphie whispers against her lips, making Glinda’s heart leap in her chest. “I love you, I love you, I love you, my Alpha, my Glinda…” She continues to ramble between kisses until Glinda leans down to press her face into her neck and just breathe in that sharp, woodsy smell.

She can’t bring herself to say it back. Not just yet.

Another moment passes where they simply hold each other, stuck together at the hips by Glinda’s knot. She eventually lets Elphie’s leg lower itself from her shoulder, and then she doesn’t have time to react before green thighs are bracketing her hips and she is firmly, but carefully, tossed onto her back.

Glinda looks up in surprise at the Omega now straddling her, the Omega who is still filled with her knot and is now grinding down against her with a slow rock of her hips. Green hands reach out to scratch at her chest, and she can’t help but hiss at the combination of sensations. “E-Elphie…?” she says, embarrassingly close to a whimper.

“I’ve missed you, my love,” Elphaba says lowly, “and I want my fill.” She’s still rocking her hips back and forth. Glinda bucks upward before she can hold back, and Elphie gasps before leaning down to breathe over her lips. “Tell me you love me.”

“Oh, fuck,” Glinda says, definitely whimpering now. She does, she loves this woman so much it’s unbearable, but the words won’t come out, shuttered away by years of heartache and broken dreams.

Elphie’s tongue sticks out to slowly lick along Glinda’s upper lip, making her shiver. “I know you do,” she says, hands squeezing Glinda’s breasts as she rides her carefully. “You’re my Alpha,” another roll of her hips, “and I’m your Omega.” Another, and Glinda grabs onto those hips tightly. She leans up to try and kiss her, but Elphie pulls back to stay just out of reach. “I haven’t had anyone else, you know,” she continues. “You’re the only one who’s ever been inside me.”

Oz, Glinda’s so sensitive, still surrounded by her Omega’s wet heat, and Elphie’s voice, breathy and low, makes her head spin. She’s not sure at this point if she’ll come first or go mad instead.

“You’re the only one who’s ever fucked me,” Elphie says with a slight bounce, making them both groan as Glinda’s knot tugs at her entrance. “The only one to make me come apart.”

Glinda’s not sure if she’s holding onto Elphaba’s hips to keep her still or to make her move faster, but whatever she’s wanting to do, Elphie isn’t letting her have any control. She leans down and takes Glinda’s lower lip between her green ones, sucking harshly before releasing it with a pop.

“You’re the only one I’ll ever love,” she says, breath ghosting over Glinda’s swollen and spit-soaked lips.

“Fuck, Elphie!”

Elphie presses a hand to Glinda’s chest and grinds her hips down harder, keeping her still, taking her pleasure. Her other hand moves to rub at herself, and the moan she lets out is delectable. Glinda can feel her tightening around her cock with every pass of her finger over her clit. “Tell me you love me, and you can fill me again,” Elphie says through hitching breaths. “Tell me I’ll always be yours.”

Something breaks in Glinda’s chest, tension rising within her body so quickly that her vision blurs, and she’s crying out before she can even think. “I love you!” she moans desperately. “My Elphie, my perfect Omega, mine, I love—ah!”

“Glin!”

And then they are coming together once more. Glinda sees white as she tosses her head back, hips pressing up to push as deep into her Omega as she possibly can. She vaguely feels a rush of wetness spill onto her thighs as Elphie pulses tightly around her, drawing out every last bit of her seed. Then, those perfect lips are on hers again with a kiss so soft and full of love it makes her heart sing. “I love you,” she murmurs over and over again, the dam now broken, her head spinning every time Elphie says it back.

She can only take a moment more of Elphie moving her hips before she holds her tightly enough to make her still, true overstimulation now threatening to take over her body. Elphie takes the hint and settles down, laying her full weight against her and nuzzling into Glinda’s Mark. It’s grounding, and Glinda had forgotten how it feels to be so, so full of love.

“Oz, I missed you so much,” she confesses. She’s completely exhausted, too exhausted and satisfied to be angry anymore, at least for now. Her hands roam slowly across her Omega’s back, nails ghosting over her skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Elphie presses close and kisses her Mark. “I missed you, my sweet,” she whispers. “Unbearably so.”

“Please stay,” Glinda begs softly as she struggles to keep her eyes open. “Please stay with me.”

Elphie stills for just a moment, then kisses her Mark again. “I’m here, baby. I’m right here.”

She relaxes fully on top of her, and the rhythm of her breathing lulls Glinda into sleep.

***

Elphaba can’t stay.

She shouldn’t, at least; there is nowhere she could stay in the Palace where she wouldn’t eventually be found by someone who would surely immediately rat her out to Morrible or the Wizard. Oz knows what they would do to her, what they would do to Glinda for harboring her and going behind their backs. She can’t risk it. She can’t.

But lying there next to her Alpha, that familiar sweet scent filling the air and making her feel so whole and loved—it’s incredibly difficult to leave.

(I could make you stay, her Alpha had said.

But why couldn’t Glinda have gone with her, instead?)

The sun is coming up, shining through the balcony doors. Glinda’s knot disappeared hours ago, and so Elphaba has been lying here simply staring at her Alpha as she sleeps. She studies every mark she’s left upon pale skin, scratches from her nails and bruises from her love bites. She relishes in the soreness she feels, herself, can tell even without checking a mirror that her own neck is mottled with marks, as well.

She wonders how long these reminders will last.

Something shifts in the air, and Elphaba’s head perks up as the sound of morning birds suddenly enters the air—Glinda must have only done a temporary silencing spell, and now it’s worn off.

Elphaba stares longingly down at her Alpha and knows that this is when she has to leave.

She slips out of bed as smoothly as she can and starts redressing, retrieving her broom from Glinda’s closet. She lingers, wanting more than anything that she could stay, or that Glinda could come with her—but she knows if Oz’s beloved Glinda the Good were to go missing, the literal witch hunt for her would increase tenfold.

Elphaba steps closer to the bed, feet silent against the plush carpet. She merely wants to place a gentle kiss goodbye to her Alpha’s temple as she sleeps curled up on her side, but as she leans down, her nose twitches as a scent stronger than caramel and vanilla hits her—something sharp and peppery and oh-so-familiar.

Oh, no.

Her eyes widen as she looks downward, to where Glinda’s hips are covered by the blankets—and where the outline of a half-formed erection is visible.

Glinda’s in rut.

A rattling of a doorknob startles her, and she nearly has a heart attack at the thought of being caught like this, the Wicked Witch of the West standing over Glinda the Good’s naked form. But it seems Glinda’s locking spell was not temporary like the silencing spell, and the door doesn’t open.

“Your Goodness?” she hears faintly from the other side.

“Shit,” Elphaba hisses, starting to panic.

Glinda starts stirring a bit below her, face scrunching up and eyebrows furrowing together.

Elphaba reaches down to cup her cheek and shake her gently. “Glinda, wake up,” she whispers sharply. Brown eyes flutter open, seeking her out and then widening as they meet hers.

“Elphie?” she says dreamily, as if she’d thought the previous night had been a figment of her imagination.

Elphaba’s heart warms, but the panic is still there as the doorknob rattles again, a more frantic call of “Your Goodness?” coming from outside the bedroom.

The sound seems to register to Glinda, too, as she quickly sits up. Only then does she notice her state of arousal, glancing down to her covered erection and then looking back up to Elphaba with a blush heating her face. “E-Elphie?” she says again, and the fear and uncertainty in her voice makes Elphaba’s chest ache. “You’re—you’re leaving.” It’s not a question, and Elphaba’s heart shatters.

She quickly finds the Alpha’s nightgown and hands it to her. “Glinda, I have to,” she says apologetically. There are knocks banging against the door now, and more voices have joined the original. “I’m so sorry, my love, but I have to.” She cups a pale cheek in her hand again, feels tears pricking at her eyes as Glinda clutches desperately at her wrist. That peppery scent fills her entire being with want, and she leans down to kiss her deeply.

She tries to push all of her apologies, all of her love and reassurance into this kiss. She breaks away only enough to speak. “I’ll be back to help you, I promise. Do you trust me?”

Glinda’s eyes are wide and watery, her other hand is now grasping at the back of her head in an attempt to keep her close. “Elphie…” she says, and Elphaba tries to ignore the pain she feels at the non-answer.

But there’s no more time. “Hold out, my sweet,” she begs before kissing her again. “Hold out, if you can.” One last kiss, heady and longing, and then she tears herself away before she loses her will.

Elphaba sprints to the balcony, throws open the doors, and leaps over the railing. It’s only once she’s in the sky once more that her tears finally fall.

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stellatekintsugi · 2 years ago

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Lewis Capaldi

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plantinghobbies · 1 year ago

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The Same Damn Thing (collab with @sycophanticsolipsism)

Here’s part 5, can’t believe we’ve only got two parts left! Thank you to everyone for your likes and reblogs and kudos and feedback, can’t tell you how much it motivates us and how much we appreciate it. It truly lifts our spirits so thank you thank you. The most thanks to @sycophanticsolipsism for supporting my sorry ass through a writer’s block, this thing would probably still have like 100 words without you!

If you need to catch up, check out the masterlist.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, angst, probably some typos

Part 5: If I Could Go Back To That Evening We Met…

“I’d kill to go back to that evening we met. Trembling hands as I’d ask for your number again, you saw me different then…when I held your heart in my hand” - Lewis Capaldi

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nobody on the flight is happy to be leaving the magic of Rome, clutching their Prosecco and pecorino Romano from duty free as if it will evaporate upon takeoff. Nobody except Val, that is. She is buzzing, fidgety, can’t get out of this goddamn country fast enough. She has been in constant motion since the moment she’d woken up this morning.

Val’s had her share of mornings (less than some of her friends but more than she likes to admit) where she woke up disoriented and hungover, unhappy with where she was and a little foggy on how she got there. But this morning? This one was by far the worst, because she didn’t wake up next to a strange guy wearing one sock drooling on her shoulder. No, instead it was Matty - adorable, inconvenient, sexy Matty. By one night stand standards, it was probably the safest she’d ever been. And yet it was the most reckless, brainless thing she’d ever done.

‘It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.’ She’d repeated it to herself over and over - during her shower, throughout the most chaotic packing job of her life, and all the way to the airport. But no matter how much Val tried, her treacherous bitch of a brain would not let it go. She rocks up to the gate after boarding has begun, sliding into her seat at the front of the plane (she’d used the few minutes waiting for a taxi at the hotel to switch her seat), keeping her head low and her sunglasses on (she takes back all the times she previously called people wearing sunglasses on planes pretentious twats. She gets it now). She’d held her breath as he boarded, pretending to be asleep when she saw his eyes searching for her. Her noise cancelling headphones provide little relief from the rattling around in her head. Now that she’s stopped, albeit forcibly, it’s harder to keep the thoughts she’s desperate to avoid at bay.

She catches up on texts as the plane taxies, until her friend Dina responds to a picture of Barry Keoghan in the group chat with a resounding “fuck me” and Val’s transported back to the moment Matty whispered that in her ear as he slid into her for the first time. Opening her email once they’re airborne, her inbox is flooded with emails from him from the last few days, running commentary on the conference sessions they’d attended separately. Reading his cute ramblings on the boring presenters and arrogant question askers felt like a shiv jabbed through her ribs. Finally, she gives up, slamming the laptop shut and closing her eyes. Maybe if she’s unconscious she won’t think about it.

If her life were a movie, Val would have stirred to light stubble nuzzling her neck, his hand snaking down her front, his gruff voice whispering filthy nothings in her ear. But life wasn’t a movie. Instead, the blare of the wakeup call had jolted them awake, her elbow colliding with his jaw as they both scrambled to answer it. By the time Matty’d thanked the hotel staff with broken Italian, Val was already in her jeans, searching for her earring while avoiding looking at him completely.

“Val…” His voice is low, shaky, uncertain, like he’s approaching a caged animal. Val’s heard him employ that tone a hundred times before - with clients and colleagues when he wants to win them over, with their uni friends when he was trying to mediate a dispute between them, with Marin when she was pushing herself too hard toward the end. But he’s never used it with Val before, until now. He thinks it’s full of charm and confidence and take-charge-ness. But what it feels like right now is patronizing. It’s the first time Val fucking hates the sound of his voice.

There’s a twinge in her neck she’s not sure the cause of as she whips her head around. “Don’t give me that tone.”

Matty physically recoils, blinking stupidly back at her. “I don’t know -“ He looks down at the bed before standing, moving to the chair in the room, maybe to put more distance between them, escape the scene of the crime.

“Yea you do!”

“Look, I’m confused too but…” But she isn’t. Confused that is. She may not be on board with all her actions over the last several hours, but in this moment, she is in full control of how she feels.

Angry, that’s how Val feels. Angry at herself for being an idiot cliche who slept with her boss. Beyond annoyed at him for not just leaving her the fuck alone to languish on Richard’s team all those months ago. Furious with whatever early Roman asshole invented wine in the first place, with its inhibition-altering goodness. And don’t even get her started on Marianne, who landed them in this joint-room trope predicament in the first place. Yep, her shit list is growing by the minute. She would have NEVER done this at home. Never. She needs to get back - to her bed, to her routine, to her goddamn sanity. Oh, she is clear on her emotions alright.

“Oh, I’m not. I know what this was, no need to explain it.” Sheets and pillows are flying now as the search continues for her earring. “Listen, we can’t miss our flight and I need to find my earring. I can’t lose it, it’s—“

“Marin’s, I know.”

“Of course you do.” She’s looking in the mini fridge now, which she knows is ridiculous, but she just has to keep moving. “Obviously, you’d remember your girlfriend’s ear—“

Matty’s chair scrapes against the floor with a harsh sound, drawing Val’s eyes over to his body. Bad idea, as he sits up abruptly and leans forward. “Listen, I don’t know what you heard about us.” Us. The word hits her like a visceral gut punch, a dull ache radiating out from her chest. It’s one thing to think it and another thing altogether to hear it. Her worn patience snaps, she can’t sit here with the smell of sex still lingering in the air and think of them. She just can’t. “It’s not what you th—“

“Aaah, got it!” Fuck, thank god. Her shirt she can do without but there was no way Val was leaving without that earring. She readies to flee, gathering her bag and looking around for her key card… before it settles on her that she’s in her room. She can’t leave, at least not without looking even more erratic than she feels. Plus, they really need to get a fucking move on to the airport and he’s still shuffling by the bed in just his pants.

She pauses, back turned to him as she speaks. “Listen” she repeats - it’s what her mum would refer to as a verbal tick, “umm, I’m going to hop in the shower, we’ve really got to go and I’m sure you have to pack and—” she’s moving toward the bathroom now, and the blessed door that will put a much-needed barrier between them so she can wash his scent off, and catch her breath and think. Something she clearly wasn’t doing last night. “And I forgot to pick up one last bag of coffee for my neighbor so I’m gonna run to that place down the square. I’ll just meet you at the gate.” The last part is thrown over her shoulder as she slams the door shut, not broaching any argument. She presses her back to the door, holding her breath, hanging on to her resolve by a thread. After eighteen seconds (her youth swim training finally came in handy), she hears the rustling of his clothes, the click of the lock, and then nothing. The sound that she makes as she finally takes a deep breath sounds like relief, and yet it doesn’t feel like it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When they land, Val is off the plane like a shot, power walking through border control, not looking back. She implores every God she’s ever heard of - she even throws Dumbledore in there for good measure - that her suitcase is already waiting for her at baggage claim, assisting her quick getaway from the walking reminder in a wrinkled black suit and raybans somewhere behind her. But she must have exhausted all her luck between rounds two and three last night because the conveyer belt hasn’t even started moving yet (fucking Heathrow). He catches up to her a few minutes later, which is unfortunate because she was hoping to not see him until sometime next month. Maybe year. Decade. Never? She knows she’s being childish but at least now her mood matches her actions. Her boss! Her sister’s something. Her friend.

The look he levels her with is heavy with impatience. Oh, he’s waiting for her to say something? Fat chance, talking to him is what got her into this mess in the first place. Val talked herself right out of her senses and into his bed. Her bed. A bed. Speaking of, she wants to get to hers so she can crawl into it and die. “Where the hell are these bags?!” Mumbling to herself as a hideous green paisley suitcase makes a full go around the luggage turn style again before Matty seems to get fed up with their verbal game of chicken, taking a deep breath and letting a long sigh preview his words. “Well I guess I’ll sta-“

“Matty?” A high-pitched voice calls from somewhere behind them. Saved! Maybe there’s some magic left for her after all.

He whirls around to the voice, which is attached to a striking woman who Val does not recognize. Probably an enterprising networker from the conference. Now’s her chance to back away, book it to the other end of the carousel. Hell, maybe she should just abandon the bag, she can always come back and get it later. Having decided on letting present Val off the hook and leaving future Val to deal with the postponed chat with Matt, she turns to leave - when the woman steps into (invades is more like it from where Val’s standing) Matty’s personal space, confidentially, almost intimately. Val is glued to the spot, curiosity getting the best of her.

“Cheryl…hi, what are you - it’s nice to - aah” He awkwardly goes to hug the woman but they get tangled as they lean in, barely manage a weird half hug, half cheek kiss. Awkward is not a trait she’s used to seeing on him, and it really doesn’t suit.

Val doesn’t know if it’s years of computational science training or the hours of true crime documentaries she’s devoured but something has her mind whirring, interest piqued, collecting data on this new person. Tall, brunette, well dressed, older (she can’t be more than Matty’s age but Val is feeling petty all of a sudden).

“So that’s why you’ve been so hard to reach lately. Long trip?” Cheryl’s eyes dart towards her and then back to Matty, clearly content to not make Val’s acquaintance. She’s toe to toe with Matty now, which Val knows from no more legitimate source than Cosmo is a sign that they’re clearly comfortable in each other’s personal space. Physical space. Val doesn’t like where this is going but can’t seem to look away.

“Ehm no, just Rome. Conference.” He clears his throat into his fist and begins rocking on his heels in a way she’s never seen him do before. Who the fuck is this woman? “You?”

“Showcase in Sweden,” Cheryl says as if this explains everything. It doesn’t, not nearly enough. Be more specific Cheryl, you’re not giving me a lot to work with here! “But I’m home for a few weeks. We should…ummm…get together again, last time was… fun.” She punctuates the last part, dragging a manicured nail down Matty’s chest. Val knows later (once she’s home and showered and slept and sane again) she’ll admire Cheryl’s boldness, wish they were friends so she could ask her how she seems to manage more confidence in that one finger than Val seems to have in her whole body.

For his part, Matty does finally step back - or maybe he just loses his equilibrium in the presence of Miss Congeniality (she can’t help it) - and collides with Val, startling as if noticing her for the first time. And in this moment, the data set is complete - she doesn’t need to gather any more information to come to her conclusion - they’ve fucked. Recent enough that Cheryl doesn’t hesitate in initiating contact. Intimate contact that had him seemingly forgetting all about Val. The woman he slept with last night!

Keep moving.

Before he can move to introduce her or address her or do anything with her, she spots her bag, lunges for it, and leaves without another word.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Keep moving.

There’s a Diet Coke stain on Val’s sweater, a general stale smell in the air that she’s pretty sure is coming from her, and she’s stiff and sore in areas she hasn’t been in a while. But she can’t go home. Because home has the couch where they sat till her head ached and back screamed, pulling and fixing data and railing against their colleagues for fucking up. It’s got the blanket she’d caught him wiping his eyes on as they watched Manchester By the Sea together. And the fucking grease stain on the edge of her carpet that he didn’t think she knew about from the pizza he’d dropped on it. (She might have to burn that rug, or sell it.) And the old journal tucked away in her closet filled with her thoughts of him that show just how stupid she’d been for him and for how long.

So no, Val doesn’t go home. When the cab driver asks where to, she rattles off the first place that comes to mind, dragging her suitcase behind her out of the backseat and into the cinema. The obviously-stoned teenager behind the counter doesn’t bat an eye when she asks him for one ticket to the “least fucking romantic thing you’ve got going here,” punching a few buttons before spitting out a stub and receipt for the latest installment in the Saw franchise. But not even gore and guts can keep her mind from drifting. The torture on screen ramps up - Val wants to picture Matty groaning in agony as she tortures him for all the shit he’s put her through today but all her mind can seem to conjure are his moans of pleasure.

She’s pictured him between her thighs so many times that she’s probably imagined every move he’s making tonight, from the moment he started trailing his lips down past her breasts. The way his mouth licks at each of her ribs as he slinks down her body seems familiar. And Val knows that she’s pictured him licking his bottom lip the way he does now as he slides her panties to the side with his finger. But all of these fantasies, she realizes now, have been devoid of the single hottest thing she could never imagine. His sounds. Because the gutteral groan that escapes him as he licks into her for the first time is like nothing she’s ever heard before. It must have surprised him too because he pauses after that first taste, resting his forehead against her pelvis, heavy pants tickling her skin. Val’s hands instinctively find his hair, raking through it, fingertips massaging the top of his head. She’s a little uncertain why he paused but she can’t help but stop and appreciate the intimacy of this moment, something new for them even after all their years of knowing each other.

“Christ,” he mutters, rolling his head slightly back and forth as he plants lazy kisses wherever his mouth lands, seemingly unhurried. But not knowing what he’s thinking begins to make her anxious. Was there something wrong? She’d waxed recently (not that it mattered and fuck him if he thought it did)…right? Yes, yes definitely. Maybe it wasn’t his thing, had she pushed him to do it? Oh god, was she the problem?

Her hand slid from his hair to his jaw, trying to coax him back up her body. She gasps at the quick snatch of her wrist, firm but gentle, his large hand encircling her wrist easily. He slides her other one alongside it, pinning both of her wrists in place easily on her left side.

“I just….you don’t have to….listen, just come up and we’ll…”

“Val?”

“Yea?”

“You are the fucking best thing I’ve ever tasted. Now stop thinking and let me enjoy it.”

She walks out halfway through the movie, her fickle mind unable to give into the distraction for long. There’s a cafe right next to the theater and Val ignores the annoyed glances she gets for hogging a table meant for two. But she needs room for her baggage. ‘Fitting’, she thinks.

She’s on her second latte and third episode of Derry Girls when her mum calls. Normally, she’d put her off until she’s in a better mood to chat, has more energy to pretend. One of the hazards of having a psychoanalyst for a mother is that every interaction can feel like a session, unable to avoid her trained instincts. But she’d already dodged her calls twice and Val is certain that even though her mother knows she was traveling with Matty (her mother was so relieved when Val said Matty was going, you’d have thought he was a 6’5 bodyguard instead of a 5’10 casual exerciser), if she doesn’t pick up a third time Gwen will start to panic. After what her mother’s been through, she tries not to blame her.

When Gwen asks how the trip went, Val picks her words carefully, trying to muster believable excitement behind it. “Good!”

“Really? It doesn’t sound good?” Clearly, her acting needs work.

“No, it was.” She tries again, hoping the raised octaves in her voice would make up for the lack of it in her mood.

“You and Matty were in Rome for a week and it was only good? I find that hard to believe.”

And she doesn’t know if it’s the sudden softness in her mothers’ usually firm voice or her own jet lag but Val feels the dam crack and break easier than it has in years. And it’s not a dainty crack either, where a tear slides down her cheek accompanied by one of those cute hiccups. No, Val is not a cute crier, never has been. It’s full on sobs, her splotchy face screwed up and her attempts to breath turning into snot-logged guffaws. She’s word vomiting her train-wrecked thoughts to her mother, trying to hide her teary face behind her crumpled napkin. The guy at the table next to her - some young college kid who probably hasn’t lived long enough to make the idiotic mistake of wanting someone you can’t have - tries to appear casual as he side-eyes her, giving her increasingly dirty looks before he slides his laptop and book off the table and jogs out of the place. ‘Yea kid, run so you don’t have to see what your life will look like in ten years,’ she thinks, reaching for the unused napkin on his table and blowing her nose loudly.

Val spares her the more salacious details but knows Gwen gets the gist. Silence follows, for so long that Val pulls her phone out of her bag to check the connection is still good.

“He calls me every year, you know.” Her mother’s voice is soft, vulnerable.

Of all the things she expected her mother to say, this was not it. “Who? Matty?!”

“Yesss darling, Matty. Every year around the anniversary.” Val rolls her eyes, of course he would. He couldn’t just make it easy for her and be a dickhead she shouldn’t have feelings for. Her mother’s voice is still flooding her earbuds “…started out with a card the first year but then he missed the second one and called all flustered from some party boat…in Ibiza, I think.” Gwen’s laugh is another thing that Val doesn’t hear that much of, wishes she heard it more. “Said he was rubbish with anything analogue and asked if I wouldn’t mind if he called from then on.”

Val grips her napkin, busying herself with shredding it into pieces. “He always asks about you. Bless him, probably thought he was being so coy, but it was obvious that he was digging for info on you.”

“Me?” The shrillness in her voice attracts a glare from the guy who’s taken over the recently-vacated table. She glares right back. She can be hysterical if she wants to here, it isn’t a bloody library.

“Don’t sound so surprised. Of course, you. Who else?” There’s rustling on the other end, the unmistakable whimper of her parent’s golden retriever as he scratches at the back door, desperate to go out. Val is suddenly homesick in a way she hadn’t been in over a decade. “I thought you all had something going at school before…”

“No, mum.” Val interrupts before that thought can even fully form, can’t take hearing someone else verbalize it. “It was him and Marin…”

The sharp bark of laughter cuts her off. “Marin? No darling, definitely not.”

The confidence with which her mother says this should make Val feel better, someone outside of her own thoughts refuting her worst nightmare. But instead, her hackles rise, instantly petulant at being so easily dismissed. Her next words are biting.

“Well, I was there so I think I would know.”

“You certainly know a lot.” Great, her mother’s passive voice. It’s a reliable tool for de-escalation, but all it seems to do for Val is piss her off more.

“Well, how would you know? You weren’t here!“ She hates how easily she reverts to sounding like a child with her mum.

“Because she told me things.” The unlike you goes unsaid.

“I-“

“Honey, you’ve always kept things close to the vest. Ever since you were little.” Her mother anticipates her defensiveness “It’s ok, it’s just your nature. But it wasn’t the same for your sister. She told me eeeeeverything. Including the fact that she was asexual.”

Val’s cheeks flame in the way they always did whenever either of her parents even said the word sex. “Wait, what?”

“Yes darling.” She says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“No, I-“

“Honestly Val, it’s perfectly normal, some people just aren’t driven by carnal ins-“ At that word, Val is transported back to the mortifying moment she’d asked her mother the definition of carnal at the ripe old age of 7, having come across it while trying to read one of her Nan’s trashy paperbacks with Fabio on the cover. Her dad had been livid but her mum had simply sat Val down and explained the birds and the bees. Val had never asked for a clarification on another word since.

She’d very much like to not relive that whole ordeal now, or ever again. “Mum, I know what asexual means. I just, well…” Val pauses, biting her lip in contemplation unsure of what it is that confuses her about the finding. Her sister was allowed to keep things for herself. Val had obviously never told Marin about her feelings for Matty. Thou can covet thy sister’s boyfriend as long as you don’t tell anyone…that’s how the commandment went, right? But this, this was news that would have changed Val’s whole world that first year of uni. Maybe her whole life. And she’d kept it from her! Just because Val didn’t have a right to be angry doesn’t mean she wasn’t anyway .“I guess I don’t know why she didn’t tell me.”

“Oh bug, I think she would have. If she had had the time.” Gwen’s voice goes soft again in the way she only gets when talking about Marin. Or her own parents. Val hates making her mum sad.

“Well, good to know, I guess. Still doesn’t mean he didn’t fancy her.” The sigh on the other end of the line

“Honey, this isn’t really about your sister, is it? It’s about you. I mean, it’s fine to be guarded.” ‘Well, thanks for your permission mum.’ “But if you like someone, sometimes you, well, you’ve got to go out on a limb. Do something that you can’t walk back.”

“Uh uh Val, eyes on me baby,” Matty’s thumb taps at her hairline, bringing her eyes back to his. “There she is, that’s my girl.” His smile is so soft, so incongruous with the harsh snap of his hips moments before. He dips his head, nose nuzzling hers as his lips skim over her Cupid’s bow. “I want to see you.”

Well, she’d definitely done that.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The elevator dings as it arrives at her floor, Val’s mind barely registering it as she stares at the hideous bargain carpet that covers every inch of her building. Two days ago, her Mum’s revelations would have had her spinning. But today, they just make her more tired. Tired of trying to decipher what it all meant - every word, every action. Tired of carrying around hope for all these years, foolish, unfounded hope. Hope could be heavy and she’d been carrying it since an early age, when Hollywood had filled her brain with stories of men who gave the smallest crumbs of affection and the women who devoured them like they were full feasts, never giving up and somehow always getting the guy. Beauty and the Beast, My Best Friends Wedding, Jerry Maguire, Bridget Jones’, Sleepless in Seattle. And those were just a few of her favorites growing up. But what those movies didn’t show was the nights filled with insomnia, the self-doubt, the second guessing yourself, the exhaustion that comes with taking every interaction with someone you would die to have - literally every single second together - and reliving it over and over again looking for the seIcret subtexts that would reveal how he felt about you. Wondering, confused, if it was love or if you weren’t just mistaking kindness for care.

Well, Val was officially giving up. Throwing in the towel. She couldn’t do it any more. She was no Hollywood heroine, she was just a mere woman, and she was tired. Of burying her feelings under shy smiles, then friendship, then a night with him that had only made the idea of friendship impossible. Of wondering if she was wasting time pining for someone when she didn’t even know how he felt. I mean, clearly he was attracted to her but just because he wanted her didn’t mean he wanted to be with her; just because he wasn’t in love with Marin didn’t mean that he was in love with Val. Contrary to how she sometimes acted, she knew she was not the only person of interest on the planet and he could have anyone he wanted.

And that was all just the personal anxiety. She hadn’t even begun to process how stupid this all was for her professionally.

As she makes the turn down her hallway, her eyes are drawn to a body, slumped in front of the door to her apartment. Asleep? Dead? Several particularly grim facts about stalkers and serial killers flash through her mind before she clocks the curls, the scuffed shoes, the pack of cigarettes lying next to him he’d clearly taken out to smoke before he must have realized where he was. On instinct, hope rises in her chest before she slaps her palm over her heart, holding it at bay. No, that was enough of that.

She kicks at his shoe, startling him for the second time that day. “How long have you been here?”

He doesn’t respond as he clambers to his feet, eyes dragging to his suitcase as if to highlight the obvious answer.

“Ok, other question. What are you doing here?” It comes out breathier than intended but she is genuinely surprised. Thought he’d be off somewhere with that troll Cheryl (she is not proud of how her feminism utterly abandons her in this moment). That she’d at least have a few well-timed sick days to prepare before seeing him again.

“I’m uh…” The toe of his brogues scrape at the floor .Whatever he wants to say, it’s enough to make him anxious. Which is enough to make Val want to avoid it at all costs.

Summoning her self-preservation, she cuts him off. “Listen, maybe we should do this when we’ve both-“

“Goddamnit Val, for once, please shut up!” His voice explodes in the small space, her gaze immediately going over her shoulder to her neighbor’s door. The last thing she needs right now is a noise complaint. Matty itches at the skin around his throat, as if raising his voice at her is as foreign to do as it was to receive. “I’m sorry, I’m sor- I just, I can’t risk any confusion here. Just need to get this out. Need you to listen. For once.” The attempt at a joke lands with a thud.

“When I’ve tried to get this out…and, I, just, it gets fucked every time.” His breath is noticeably shaky, hands on his hips as he gazes at the floor. “And I’m sick of, well I’m not sick of trying cause I’ll do that, not afraid…but I’m sick of the…if only I’d been clearer, got it out faster….in that pub, and I just, can’t take it any more…”

She’s about to tell him she’s not following when he seems to gather that for himself, head lifting to meet her eyes. She’s never been great at eye contact, always hates how put on the spot she feels by it. On instinct, Val glances away, over his shoulder, somewhere safer. A blurred hand lifts in her periphery, hovering near her face but not touching it, until her gaze turns back to his. Reminding her of the eye contact he’d insisted on the night before, as he went down on her, as he slid into her, as she came on his cock and as she’d fallen asleep.

“Val, I’m crazy about you. Have been for years… and before you say it, Marin and I weren’t anything. Or nothing like you think… I loved her, sure. But not in the way I do you…”

Val’s heard the phrase about the world going sideways before but she’d never really appreciated what it meant until now. She swears her body actually tilts sideways until it feels like the handle of her suitcase is the only thing keeping her upright. And with her equilibrium goes her ability to think straight.

“From the moment I met you when you had just got accepted, there was just something… and then you were dating that prick Roger from the cricket team.” God, Val hadn’t thought of him in ages. She’d been using him, trying to get under him to get over Matty. “…kicking myself that I’d just assumed there’d be time, like you wouldn’t just get snatched up by someone—“

The sleep deprivation seems to pick that very moment to redouble its efforts - she can’t think fast enough to respond. To buy herself time, she vomits out the first thought in her head. “Why didn’t you say something? Back then?”

“What? Rock up to you on the first day ‘Hey Val, d’you remember me? From that one weekend we hung out? Will you please go out with me? Oh, let me help you unpack, show you how shitty the beds are...’” He scoffs, she fucking hates that. “C’mon, I’d like to think I’m better than that…”

Her eyes look away, not willing to admit he’s right.

“I don’t know if you remember that night…in the pub—“ He stops, the effort of self-editing written all over his face. “What the fuck am I—Of course, I know you remember, like, the shittiest night of your life but I meant right before, when you and I were— “

She’s not intentionally tuning him out but her brain is now unhinged, skipping around and ahead, trying to determine what conclusion he’s coming to. Because the truth is, even if he’s telling the truth (she knows he has no reason to lie about this but she still can’t comprehend this monumental fact that he’s liked her for, it sounds like, almost as long as she’s liked him...) she still can’t have him. Because as the personal anxiety begins to ebb in the face of his declaration, the professional anxiety seeps in to take its place. She knows how this would go. She trusts Matty, of course she does (even after all these years, she couldn’t imagine doing anything else). But in her experience, shit like this - a relationship with a coworker - doesn’t stay quiet, no matter how hard two people try. Someone catches her glance at him differently, he says her name a certain way and suddenly it’s all anyone can talk about. The rumor mill must be fed, anything to make the mundane office more interesting, the hours less boring. It’s not that she blames them, has even joined in in her weaker moments, feeling slightly gross as she listened to the latest gossip, just wanting to be part of the inner circle, to be included. But she’s seen what it does to women, it’s always the women that pay.

“So, you can choose not to give this a shot, but it won’t be because of some bullshit misunderstanding you have about me and Marin.” There’s that tone again, like he’s confident in the case he made, assured of its persuasiveness. But once again, he’s underestimated her.

“Marin isn’t the reason.” It’s clear that’s not what he was expecting her to say, he’s caught off guard, eyes flitting back and forth between hers as if trying to scan them. “Well, not entirely. Matty, you’re my boss…”

“I’m well aware, trust me. We can handle it. Or I can.” Her eyeroll is instinctual at this point, honed from years of listening to men brush away her valid concerns as if they were so obviously not an issue that it’s idiotic that she’d even been thinking about it. “It doesn’t matter, as long as we’re tog—“

“No, it does… matter, that is… Cause this won’t be a problem for you, but for me it will be. A big one. My reputation, my career. People will think I slept my way into every job opportunity from here on out…” Val crosses her arms in front of her chest to stop wringing of her hands.

Matty is shifting his weight from side to side, clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation has veered off course. “No, they won’t… and if they do, I’d immediately address it. We’d report them! I’m not really a nobody here, y’know.”

“Oh great, I can hear people now. ‘There goes Matty, taking Val ‘under his wing’” the air quotes aren’t really needed with the sarcasm laced in her voice but it’s important to her he knows how much that idea offends her. “I fucking hate that phrase.”

The smell of his cologne tingles as he takes a step closer, that confidence back in his voice. “Listen, I’m not stupid enough to think that it’d be totally fair, or that there isn’t stuff we have to work out—" (he says stuff as though the problem was (is) a small glitch in the code and not a huge attack on her entire system, her career) “—but I am falling in love with you… I want to do that with you. Want to do everything with you,” he chuckles softly, peering into her eyes, “And I think you do too, or at least I would hope so.”

Her resolve is crumbling, she needs him to go away, leave her so she can fall apart in peace. “No.”

“No?” Matty rakes his hands through his hair, interlocking his hands behind his head, his biceps flexing in a way that Val can’t help but find hot.

“Matty, I…I am just…I can’t…I’ve worked too hard for everything I’m accomplishing now for it to be credited to you. It would kill me to have people think that.” She hates thinking out loud but her trusty brain-to-mouth filter is failing her right now. Thankfully, he fills in the gaps for her. “It’s not worth the risk—“ The words are said carelessly but she can’t stuff them back in.

“No, I think what you mean is I’m not worth the risk” He says, and on his face she can read all the hurt her simple denial has inflicted. She wishes he would understand, that he would just listen and see it from her perspective because when she puts it all down on paper…well— the cons outweigh the pros, and her lists have rarely ever failed her. What if they don’t work out? What if after all this time pining for each other, they go on a couple of dates and realize they’ve made a mistake? It’s not like they can walk this back. Data isn’t subjective, it’s objective, it’s rational, reliable. Everything that they are not right now. She’s about to summarize it for him, a task which would be made easier if she had time to write it out, organize it.

Her thoughts feel scattered. “I’m not saying—” but it doesn’t matter that she’s not organized because she doesn’t get far.

“Got it,” he cuts her off, voice suddenly gruff and cold. “I’m an idiot. Thought last night meant you were still mooning over me the way you used to—jokes on me, I guess.” It’s been a while since she’s seen him like this, wounded animal cruelly lashing out at a perceived attack. This Matty is an unpleasant addition.

“Oh, fuck off, sounds like you were pining right back. Not that you kept your bed cold waiting though, did you? Fucking Cheryl and…”

“Cheryl?! God you’re unbelievable” His bag slaps against his thigh as he hauls it over his shoulder violently. “Cheryl is nothing. She was a one night stand—“

“—so was I!” They are screaming now and Val is almost surprised that the landlord hasn’t already been called.

Val doesn’t have time to see his reaction before he moves past her to the elevator. “Your words, not mine” He bypasses the elevator altogether, slamming the door to the stairwell open and disappearing into it.

When she’s finally in her apartment, suitcase sprawled open in her living room and temporary bed made on her couch, she lets it wash over her. All the emotions she has kept in a vice like grip since the second her feet hit the floor this morning, or rather till her feet landed in the heap of denim where Matty’s jeans had landed the night before. Val wants to be proud of herself for cutting it off, not feeding the beast (figuratively or literally) but what she really feels is regret.

#run don’t walk fic rec #matty healy fanfiction #1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfic #matty healy smut #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy

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live-laugh-neteyam · 2 years ago

Text

Forever ||| tsu’tey x omatikaya!reader

masterlist

pairings: tsu'tey x omatikaya!fem!reader

summary: sometimes nothing lasts forever

words: 1.5k

warnings/notes: angsty angst, use of y/n, arranged marriage, forbidden love, implied smut, blame lewis capaldi for this one I love this song and it’s still on my mind after hearing it live

Looking over the crowd everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. Everyone but him. Tsu'tey would never admit it aloud though. There was shame in admitting you'd rather be anywhere but your own engagement party.

Eyes briefly scanning over you entering the crowd, he quickly stopped for a double take. The sight of you caused his breath to catch in his throat.

It was foolish really, to think you wouldn't show up. Of course you would be there. The celebration was for the future Olo'eyktan after all, everyone would be there. But still, seeing you caught him off guard.

Looking up you caught his gaze. Tsu'tey's intense eyes were locked on you, leaving you feeling exposed before him. Offering him a small smile you watched as his rough exterior melted slightly. Only you had that effect on him.

Gracefully you weaved through the crowd. Your radiant smile was on full display as you greeted people. Tsu'tey felt his heart pinch at the sight. He wanted to be the cause of your smile.

Before he could think about it his feet began taking him towards you. He stood before you not saying a word, he resembled a lost child.

"Oel ngati kameie Tsu'tey." You gestured towards him. Your smile never quite reached your eyes.

"You're here." He breathed.

"Of course. You are my future Olo'eyktan and my friend. I am here to show my support." You nodded.

Friend.

The word stabbed at his heart. He didn't want to be your friend, not when you held his heart in your hands.

"Can we talk?" Fighting the urge to touch you he kept his fists glue to his side.

"Tsu'tey." You sighed. "We can't. Not with everyone here."

"Then let's leave." He pleaded with you. "Please Y/N."

"I don't think that's a good idea." You looked up at him pained. "You know it will change nothing. We can't go back."

"I don't know how to go through with this without talking to you first." His eyes clouding over with tears.

"We knew this would happen. No regrets, remember?"

"I know what we said, but-"

"Go back to your party Tey." You interrupted him. "Your betrothed is waiting."

Tsu'tey watched helplessly as you wandered back into the crowd. An arrow to the chest would hurt less than watching you walk away.

He knew this would eventually happen. He was chosen to be Olo'eyktan so he was to go through with an arranged marriage. But how could he when his heart was no longer his to give?

He loved you. He saw you. There was room for no one else.

Tsu’tey’s love for his people also ran deep. He felt that he was chosen for a reason; he couldn’t let his people down. No one ever questioned Tsahík for she interpreted the will of Eywa.

But there you were, beautiful as ever, freckles glowing under the bioluminescence of the night. The sight made him question his resolve all over again.

You couldn't pinpoint when exactly it started. It had just always been him. Your heart beat for him and him only. The day you found out he reciprocated your feelings something inside you was lit aflame. The warmth in your heart had yet to subside.

The two of you had crossed the line of friendship long ago. Suddenly sweet kisses and hand holding were no longer enough. Your late night talks turned into late nights without much talking.

You slept soundly tucked away in his arms knowing that he was yours and you were his. Tsu'tey planned to take you as his mate, he all but told you so. He wanted you and no one else.

When it was announced that he was to be the next leader you felt as though your world was crashing down. Tsu'tey's future mate would be the next Tsahík and you were not her. You were just a common member of the clan; you weren't special or significant in any way.

The last thing you wanted was to break things off with him. But you knew what you had to do. Tsu'tey would be an excellent leader and you couldn't take that from him. You'd be damned if you robbed him of that great honor.

But there was a selfish part of him that refused to let you go. So every time you attempted to end things with him he never really listened. He was too focused on your lips to hear the words flowing from them.

"We still have time." He interrupted you.

"This won't last forever Tsu'tey." You mumbled. "We should quit while we're ahead."

Deep down he knew it wouldn't last forever, but that wouldn't stop him from trying to get there.

It went on like that for months. You would try to end it, but then he would kiss you and you melted. How could you ever say no to him?

"Tsu'tey." You wined as his fingers danced across your skin.

This was a dangerous game, you both knew it. You were playing with fire, practically daring your heart to break. But you couldn't bring yourself to care. Not when he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as his hand dipped into your loincloth.

You came completely undone under his touch. Melting like putty in his hands. You belonged to him. Body and heart you gave it all to him.

You treasured the nights spent tangled with him. Your love was untamed, the two of you completely blocking out what was to come.

One day these moments would become distant memories. You tried to live in the present as much as you could. Attempting to commit every last part of him to memory while he was yours.

Because you knew, it wouldn't last forever.

Tsu'tey hadn't slept at all that night. It was becoming increasingly impossible after he became accustomed to sleeping with you in his arms.

The morning light stung his eyes as he stepped outside. His mind was on autopilot in his drowsy state. Tsu'tey didn't remember walking to your home, but that's where he found himself.

"Tsu'tey?" You questioned when you noticed him outside.

Guiding him in you made him take a seat. Your heart clenched at the sight of him. The dark bags under his eyes an indication of his lack of sleep.

"Are you alright?" You hesitantly questioned. He shouldn't be here.

"No." He grumbled.

"Why are you here?" You hated being so formal, but he was betrothed now. You no longer had any claim to him.

"I don't remember why." He mumbled.

Tsu'tey was lost without you. The distance was making him lose his mind. He started pondering giving up on his duties. He wouldn't mind if in the end he could have you.

"Oh Tsu'tey." You sighed. This was like stones in your heart. But you had to be the bad guy. The one to make the tough call. You wouldn't allow him to throw away his future for you.

"Do you regret it? Regret us?" He asked almost fearful.

“I regret the timing. The circumstances. But not you. I would never regret you.”

Nodding somberly he seemed somewhat satisfied with that answer.

“I keep thinking if things were different.” He spoke.

“No. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t do that to me.” Tears clouded your vision.

“Yawne.” He whispered.

“Don’t call me that.” You whimpered. “Please do not call me that.”

Tsu’tey went to reach for you. His protective instincts kicking in the moment he noticed your tears. Immediately you pulled away from him.

“You act like this is not hard for me. This is killing me, but one of us has to take things seriously.” You said as your arms wrapped around yourself.

“I have accepted an offer of courtship.” You sighed.

“Who?” Tsu’tey asked through gritted teeth. He was seething with anger at the thought of someone trying to claim what was rightfully his.

You shook your head at him. You knew Tsu’tey like the back of your hand. You wouldn’t allow him to do something regretful in his blinded jealous rage.

Tsu’tey sighed in defeat. It felt real now. You were no longer his and he would never be yours again. His heart that once burned bright with his love for you now felt like a flickering ember.

He wanted to wish you the best, but he didn’t think he was able to. Selfishly, he didn’t want to wish you happiness when it wasn’t with him.

“I think you should go.” You wiped away a few stray tears. “I’m so sorry.”

Without another word Tsu’tey got up to leave. Turning he took one last look at you. Tears were still streaming down your cheeks. You offered him a weak smile.

“I hope you know I wish you happiness. I truly do Tsu’tey.”

In that moment he wanted to rip his heart out and offer it to you so you’d never be apart. It was already yours.

“Goodbye yawne.” He whispered before he left.

As he walked back towards home tree he realized that the two of you together now only existed in his memories. Your shared love now officially a thing of the past.

Nobody said that it would last forever

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