#levi ackerman x oc smut | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shiorihyugawrites · 5 days ago

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Letting Go (Levi x Reader Oneshot)

Levi Ackerman is known for his unshakable discipline, always in control, never letting his guard down—until tonight. What begins as a stolen moment on a hidden beach in Marley turns into something far more intimate, as Levi finds himself vulnerable in ways he never thought possible. With you, he's faced with a new kind of battle—one between his iron will and his desire to finally let go. In the quiet of the night, you guide him through an experience he's never had, helping him understand that losing control doesn't mean losing himself.

18 + Only | Minors Do Not Interact

It was a quiet night in Marley, a silence that hung heavy with the tension of a looming storm. The Azumabito estate was shadowed under the dark clouds that rolled in, the ocean breeze sending a chill through the night air. You stood by the window, the dim light of the moon casting a faint glow over the hidden beach below. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was faint but rhythmic, like a lullaby carried by the wind.

Your squad had been undercover for weeks now. The Assassination Squad—your elite squad— along with Levi’s Special Operations Squad were specifically assigned to handle delicate operations like this. And yet, for all the precision and skill you had developed over the years, nights like this made it hard to sit still. You were restless. It wasn’t the mission or the danger that kept you awake. It was him.

Captain Levi Ackerman.

Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. The stoic, disciplined captain of the Special Operations Squad. His very presence exuded control, an iron will that seemed unbreakable. But you had seen cracks in that steely exterior. You had noticed the subtle glances, the way his eyes would linger on you just a second too long during training or briefings. There was chemistry between you—an unspoken pull neither of you would acknowledge. He was as untouchable as he was guarded, yet you couldn't resist pushing those boundaries every chance you got.

You glanced over your shoulder, your gaze settling on Levi as he stood near the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. His sharp eyes were scanning the room, ever watchful, ever vigilant. The others were asleep, but Levi—Levi never slept during missions.

A mischievous smile tugged at your lips.

“Captain,” you called softly, your voice barely above a whisper. The sound of your voice broke the silence, making him turn his attention toward you. His eyes narrowed slightly, his expression unreadable.

“What is it?” His tone was flat, disinterested, but you could hear the subtle edge of curiosity beneath it.

You turned fully toward him, taking a few quiet steps closer. The silk of your cloak shifted with each movement, the light fabric brushing against your skin. “You’re always so serious,” you said, teasing him. “Don’t you ever just… let go? Do something spontaneous?”

Levi’s brow furrowed in response, his arms still crossed as he regarded you with that intense gaze of his. “We’re on a mission,” he replied, his voice stern. “There’s no time for foolishness.”

You shrugged, undeterred. “What if I told you there’s a hidden beach just beyond that cliffside? We’re right on the coast, and nobody would notice if we snuck out for a little while.”

His expression hardened, and you could almost hear the disapproval in his silence. “Tch. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Oh, come on,” you pressed, stepping even closer now, your voice dropping to a whisper that only he could hear. “Just for a few minutes. What’s the harm?”

Levi’s jaw clenched, but you could see the internal struggle behind his cold exterior. You had a way of getting under his skin, and you knew it. It was a game you had played since the day you joined the Scouts. You knew how to push his buttons, how to tease him just enough to break through that impenetrable wall of discipline he kept up at all times.

Levi sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. “If anyone notices—”

“No one will notice,” you interrupted, your smile widening. “It’ll just be you and me, Captain.”

For a moment, he didn’t respond. His eyes searched yours, as if he was weighing the risks. Finally, with another resigned sigh, he relented. “Fine. But we’re only going down to the beach, and we’re not staying long.”

You beamed at him, excitement bubbling up in your chest. “Deal.”

Within minutes, the two of you had quietly slipped out of the estate, careful not to wake the others. The hidden path down to the beach was narrow, winding between jagged rocks and overgrown brush, but the sound of the ocean grew louder as you descended. The cool night air whipped around you, carrying the scent of saltwater.

When you finally reached the beach, the sight of the ocean stretched out before you like a dark, endless void. The waves shimmered faintly under the moonlight, casting a silvery hue across the sand. You pulled off your boots, letting the cool grains slip between your toes as you wandered closer to the shore.

Levi followed you, his steps measured and cautious, even in this moment of stolen freedom. You turned back to face him, your eyes gleaming with the thrill of the night. He was standing a few paces away, his expression as unreadable as ever, but you could see the faintest trace of curiosity in his eyes.

“Doesn’t it feel nice?” you asked, stretching your arms out toward the sea, as if you could embrace the entire ocean. “The ocean breeze, the quiet… For once, we’re not surrounded by Titans or soldiers. It’s just us.”

Levi remained silent for a moment, his eyes drifting toward the horizon. “It’s quiet,” he admitted, his voice softer than usual.

You stepped closer to him, your bare feet making no sound in the sand. “You should enjoy it, Captain,” you whispered, your voice low and coaxing. “Let go… just for tonight.”

He turned his gaze toward you, his gray eyes locking with yours. There was a flicker of something in them—something you had never seen before. Hesitation? Longing? You couldn’t quite place it, but you knew that he was fighting an internal battle, one that had been building for a long time.

You took another step closer, your heart pounding in your chest as you felt the tension between you grow stronger. Your fingers brushed against his hand, and to your surprise, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he stood still, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Just for tonight,” you repeated, your voice barely above a whisper.

For a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath. The sound of the ocean faded into the background, and all you could hear was the quiet pounding of your heart. Slowly, you leaned in, your lips hovering just inches from his. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, the tension that had been simmering between you for so long reaching its peak.

But just as your lips were about to meet, Levi pulled back, his breath ragged as he shook his head. “No,” he muttered, his voice strained. “We can’t.”

Your heart sank, but you could see the conflict in his eyes—the desire he was struggling to suppress. His discipline, his control, it was ironclad, but even Levi Ackerman wasn’t immune to the pull between you.

“Why not?” you asked softly, your fingers still brushing against his. “What are you afraid of?”

Levi’s jaw tightened, and for a moment, he didn’t respond. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost a whisper. “Because if we start this… we won’t stop.”

You felt a shiver run down your spine at his words, the weight of his admission hanging in the air between you. He was right—if you crossed this line, there would be no going back. But the desire burning between you was undeniable, and you weren’t going to let him retreat into his shell again.

“Maybe that’s exactly what we need,” you said, your voice bold, daring. “To stop holding back. To just… let go.”

Levi’s gaze darkened, and for the first time, you saw his iron will falter. He took a step closer, his hand gently brushing against your cheek. “You’re playing with fire,” he warned, his voice rough with emotion.

You smiled, leaning into his touch. “Then burn with me.”

And with that, you closed the distance between you, your lips crashing against his in a kiss that was as fierce as the storm brewing in the distance.

The kiss ignited something in both of you, a release of all the tension that had built over time—every stolen glance, every fleeting touch, every unspoken word. Levi’s lips were rough but desperate, moving against yours as if the restraint that had kept him on a tight leash had finally snapped. His hands slid up to your face, holding you with a gentleness that stood in stark contrast to the storm of emotions raging between you.

You pressed yourself closer to him, your heart racing as the taste of salt from the sea mingled with the heat of the kiss. His grip tightened slightly, pulling you into him as the world around you faded away. There was no mission, no looming danger, no war. It was just you and him, here in this stolen moment on the hidden beach.

Levi pulled back, just enough to catch his breath, his forehead resting against yours. His breath was heavy, his eyes half-lidded but burning with an intensity you had never seen before. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered, his voice rough and low.

You smiled softly, still catching your own breath. "You can let go, just this once. You don't always have to be in control."

His eyes flickered with conflict, but before he could respond, you brought your hands up to the back of his neck, gently pulling him down into another kiss. This time, it was slower, deeper. His hesitation began to melt away with each passing second, his lips moving against yours with a newfound urgency.

Levi, always so composed, so controlled, was unraveling right in front of you. His iron discipline was slipping as he gave into the moment. His hands, once tentative, now explored your waist, pulling you closer as if afraid that letting go would mean losing you. The warmth of his touch, the feel of his body so close to yours—it sent shivers down your spine.

As you both stood there on the edge of the sea, the waves lapping at the shore behind you, Levi’s control faltered completely. His lips left yours, trailing down the line of your jaw to your neck, leaving a burning path in their wake. His breath was hot against your skin, and a soft gasp escaped your lips as his grip on your waist tightened.

“Levi…” you breathed, your voice barely audible above the sound of the crashing waves.

He froze for a second, his name on your lips grounding him. His forehead pressed against the crook of your neck, and for a moment, he just stood there, holding you. You could feel the tension in his body, the internal battle he was fighting. He was always carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, never allowing himself to truly let go. But here, in this moment, you could feel him begin to falter.

“You don’t have to hold back,” you whispered, your hands gently running through his hair. “Not with me.”

Levi lifted his head slightly, his gray eyes locking onto yours. There was a vulnerability there, something raw and unguarded. His breath was shallow, his chest rising and falling against yours, and for the first time, you saw the man behind the soldier. The man who had been through so much, who had seen more death and destruction than anyone should have to bear, and who had locked himself away behind walls of steel.

“I don’t…” His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how.”

You smiled gently, your fingers brushing against his cheek. “Then let me show you.”

Before he could say another word, you closed the distance between you again, capturing his lips in another kiss. This time, there was no hesitation, no holding back. Levi responded immediately, his hands roaming your body with a hunger that surprised even him. It was as if every pent-up emotion, every suppressed desire, was being unleashed all at once.

He was gentle but desperate, his touch burning through your skin, his lips demanding against yours. Your hands wandered across his chest, feeling the firm muscle beneath his shirt, and a shiver ran down your spine. It was easy to forget that beneath all his discipline and stoicism, Levi Ackerman was still a man, still human.

The kiss deepened, and you felt Levi’s body press against yours with a need that sent your pulse racing. Your back met the soft sand as Levi gently lowered you down, his weight hovering over you, careful not to crush you. The world felt like it was spinning, your senses overwhelmed by the feel of him, the scent of the ocean, the taste of salt and skin.

Levi pulled back just enough to look down at you, his expression intense, his breathing ragged. His hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing gently against your skin, as if he were afraid you might disappear if he let go.

“I…” He struggled for words, his voice strained. “I’ve never…”

You smiled softly, your hand resting against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your palm. “I know,” you whispered. “It’s okay.”

For the first time, you saw a flicker of uncertainty in Levi’s eyes, a vulnerability that he rarely let anyone see. But instead of pushing him, you gave him space to breathe, your touch gentle, your movements slow and deliberate.

Levi’s lips found yours again, softer this time, less frantic, but no less passionate. His hands moved with more confidence now, tracing the curve of your waist, the shape of your hips. He wasn’t holding back anymore. He was letting go, just as you had asked.

And for a brief moment, in the quiet embrace of the night, Levi Ackerman wasn’t Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. He wasn’t the stoic captain or the ruthless warrior. He was simply a man, and you were the only person who had ever seen him like this.

The storm that had been building on the horizon finally broke, the distant rumble of thunder echoing across the beach. But neither of you noticed. The world could crumble around you, and it wouldn’t matter.

Because, for once, Levi was letting go.

As the storm’s distant rumble echoed across the beach, the tension between you and him completely melted away, replaced with something raw and electric. His lips, once hesitant, now pressed against yours with fervor, his body no longer holding back. It was as if every wall Levi had built around himself had crumbled in your arms. The feel of his hands, strong yet trembling, sent shivers down your spine. The kiss deepened, his fingers threading through your hair as the soft sand shifted beneath you. Levi groaned softly against your mouth, a sound that sent a surge of heat through you.

Your hands roamed over his chest, feeling the firm muscles beneath his shirt, and you could tell he was holding himself back, unsure, yet desperate for more. Levi, always in control, always calculating, was at the edge of losing himself. You pulled back slightly, your lips hovering over his, your breath warm against his skin.

“Levi,” you whispered, your voice laced with desire and affection, “let me take care of you tonight.”

His sharp, storm-gray eyes met yours, wide with uncertainty. His breathing was shallow, his chest rising and falling against yours as he tried to catch his breath. “I… I don’t know how to… I’ve never done this before,” he admitted, his voice low and strained.

You smiled softly, brushing a lock of hair from his forehead, your fingers lingering on his skin. “That’s okay,” you said, your voice soothing. “You don’t have to do anything. Just… let go.”

Levi’s brows furrowed slightly, still caught between his iron discipline and the pull of his desire for you. He was always the one in control, always the one leading. Letting someone else take the reins was foreign to him, but the temptation of your touch, your words, was impossible to resist.

“Trust me,” you murmured, your lips brushing his as you spoke.

With one last lingering kiss, you both stood up, still breathless. The ocean breeze cooled your flushed skin as you silently made your way back to the estate, the night air filled with the distant sound of the waves and the occasional rumble of thunder. When you reached the estate, you quietly snuck in through a side entrance, careful not to wake the others. The halls were empty, dimly lit by the faint moonlight streaming through the windows.

You led Levi to your room, his hand firmly grasped in yours. The moment you closed the door behind you, the tension between you both snapped like a taut string. Levi barely had time to process the situation before you were on him again, your lips crashing into his with the same intensity as before, your body pressed against his. His hands were at your waist, gripping you tightly, but he still seemed unsure, almost as if he was afraid to lose control.

You pulled back, your lips ghosting over his ear as you whispered, “You don’t have to hold back tonight, Levi. Let me take the lead.”

He swallowed hard, his breath shaky as he nodded slightly, his eyes searching yours. You gave him a soft, reassuring smile before your hands roamed over his chest through his shirt. Levi’s breath hitched as you felt the toned muscles of his chest and stomach. You took a moment to admire him the sturdiness of him, your fingers lightly tracing the lines of his shirt, aching to feel more but knowing you needed to take things slowly with him. His skin was warm under your touch, and the tension in his muscles was palpable.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” you whispered, your voice dripping with affection and desire.

Levi’s eyes widened slightly at your words, a faint flush rising to his cheeks. He wasn’t used to being complimented, especially not like this. “Tch, don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered, his voice gruff, though there was no bite to it.

You smirked, leaning in to kiss his neck, your lips trailing down to his collarbone. “It’s true,” you murmured between kisses. “You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

Levi let out a low groan, his head tilting back slightly as your lips continued their slow, deliberate assault on his skin. You could feel the way his body tensed beneath your touch, how his resolve was starting to crumble. He had spent so long being in control, always keeping his emotions in check, but tonight, you were determined to show him what it felt like to let go.

His eyes were wide, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to hold on to the last vestiges of his control.

“Relax, Captain,” you whispered, your voice sultry, teasing. “I’ve got you.”

You slowly slip off your clothes, letting them fall to the floor without breaking eye contact. His sharp gaze followed the motion, but he didn’t say anything, his jaw tightening as his fingers twitched by his sides. You noticed the slight shift in his breathing, the way his chest rose and fell a little quicker as you began to undo the buttons on your shirt.

When you let the fabric fall away, revealing the smooth curves of your skin, Levi’s breath hitched audibly. His eyes widened just slightly, betraying the stoic mask he wore so well. His gaze lingered on your breasts, then your thighs, his usually composed features cracking for a brief moment of awe. The flicker of emotion in his eyes was unmistakable, but just as quickly, Levi tore his gaze away, his ears burning red as he tried to regain his composure.

You couldn’t help but smile softly, watching him struggle. “Levi,” you called his name gently, stepping closer. His eyes snapped back to yours, and you saw the embarrassment in them, as though he had been caught doing something wrong.

“Tch…” He muttered, clearly flustered. “Stop staring at me like that.”

You chuckled softly, enjoying how vulnerable he looked. “You were the one staring,” you teased, stepping even closer until your body was just inches from his. His eyes dropped to your chest again, only for a second, but it was enough for you to notice.

Levi swallowed hard, shifting awkwardly, but when your hands reached for his shirt, he froze. His entire body tensed as you began to undo the buttons, your fingers moving carefully over his chest. His skin felt warm under your touch, and you could feel the rapid beat of his heart through the thin fabric.

He avoided your gaze, his lips pressed into a tight line as you peeled the shirt off his shoulders, leaving his chest bare. You could see the tension in his muscles, the way his breath hitched slightly as your hands moved to his waistband. Levi wasn’t used to this—he wasn’t used to someone else taking the lead, and the vulnerability of the moment was palpable.

When you knelt down in front of him to finish undressing him, Levi’s breath stuttered, and his hands twitched at his sides, as if he didn’t know what to do with them. He looked down at you, his eyes wide and uncertain, as if he wasn’t quite sure what was happening. For all of his strength and confidence on the battlefield, here, in this moment, Levi was shy.

“You okay?” you asked softly, your voice gentle as you looked up at him. He was completely naked now.

Levi’s eyes flicked away, his jaw tight. “I… yeah,” he muttered, though the hesitation in his voice betrayed him.

For the first time, you saw him without the armor of his uniform, without the stoic mask that he wore so often. Your breath caught in your throat as your gaze swept over him, drinking in the sight of Levi Ackerman—bare, vulnerable, and entirely real.

His body was lean but sculpted, muscles honed from years of battle, each line defined and purposeful. His skin was marred with the faintest traces of scars, the silent history of the wars he had fought, and survived. His chest rose and fell with quiet, controlled breaths, though you could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was not as composed as he wanted to appear.

Your eyes trailed down to his toned abdomen, the faint ripple of muscle there catching the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the window. His torso tapered down to narrow hips, the sharp lines of his pelvis only accentuating his lean frame. He was all strength and precision, yet somehow delicate in this vulnerable state. His hardened length was standing firm at attention–his arousal for you evident, much to Levi’s embarrassment.

His arms hung by his sides, his hands flexing slightly as though unsure what to do with them. You noticed how his knuckles were pale from gripping the fabric of his pants just moments ago, and now, as he stood bare before you, his fingers twitched with a nervous energy. His usual stoicism had cracks in it now, uncertainty flickering in his storm-gray eyes as he caught you staring.

“Stop staring,” he muttered, his voice gruff but quieter than usual, betraying a slight hint of embarrassment.

But you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t look away from him. There was something breathtaking about seeing him like this—without the hard edges, without the barriers. He was always so composed, so untouchable, yet here, in this moment, he was entirely yours to behold.

“You’re perfect,” you said softly, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

Levi’s brows furrowed, his lips pressing into a thin line as he averted his gaze. A faint blush dusted his cheeks, creeping up to his ears, and it took you a second to realize that Levi Ackerman—the strongest soldier—was shy. He shifted uncomfortably, as if unsure of how to stand or where to look, the vulnerability of the moment not lost on him.

“Tch, don’t say stupid things,” he muttered, though his voice lacked its usual sharpness. It was softer, almost as though he didn’t believe what you said but didn’t mind hearing it.

You stepped closer, reaching out to gently brush your fingertips against his arm, feeling the hard muscle beneath his skin. He flinched slightly at the touch, not because he didn’t want it, but because he wasn’t used to it. Not like this.

“I mean it,” you whispered, your eyes tracing over the planes of his chest, down to the dip of his waist. “You’re perfect, Levi.”

He let out a breath, a soft, almost inaudible exhale, as though the weight of your words finally settled over him. His eyes flicked back to yours, and for a moment, he didn’t speak. He didn’t need to. The vulnerability in his gaze, the slight hesitation in his movements—it all spoke volumes.

And in that moment, standing before you, Levi Ackerman wasn’t just Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. He was a man, stripped bare in more ways than one, allowing you to see the side of him that no one else ever had.

You smiled up at him, your hands brushing lightly against his thighs as you gently guided him to sit on the edge of the bed. His hands gripped the sheets tightly, his knuckles white, and his breathing grew uneven as you began to explore him, your touch slow and deliberate.

You wrapped a delicate hand around his member and slowly stroked him up and down, glancing up at him through your lashes to gauge his reaction. He tensed as soon as you touched him and immediately gasped. Taking that as a good sign, you decided to speed up your ministrations until Levi was squirming. Every little sound he made, every sharp inhale or quiet groan, told you that you were driving him closer to the edge. His usually stoic expression was completely gone, replaced by the look of a man who was losing control of himself for the first time.

When you finally took him into your mouth, Levi gasped, his body jerking involuntarily as his hand instinctively found your hair. You swirled your tongue around his tip before hollowing your cheeks and sucking him tightly. You took him all the way till you felt him hit the back of his throat and you heard a soft whimper from Levi. He gripped your hair tightly, his breath coming in ragged bursts as he fought to hold on. His eyes were squeezed shut, his face flushed, and you could tell he was already struggling to maintain control.

“Shit…” Levi’s voice was rough, barely above a whisper, and his hand tightened in your hair as you continued. His body trembled, his hips moving slightly in time with you, but it wasn’t long before you felt him tense up even more, his breath coming in short, erratic gasps.

“Wait… I—” He tried to warn you, but it was too late. Levi’s entire body shuddered as involuntarily shot his seed down your throat, a deep groan escaping his lips as he came, his grip on you almost painfully tight.

For a moment, the silence between you was almost deafening. Levi’s lips parted as if to say something, but the words didn’t come. His expression shifted quickly, from pleasure to something closer to embarrassment. His brow furrowed, and you could see the frustration creeping in. He turned his head slightly, as if ashamed to meet your gaze.

“I… I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Levi muttered, his voice low and gruff, but there was an undeniable edge of uncertainty there. He was still breathing hard, his hands now gripping the sheets beneath him as though he couldn’t quite believe what had just occurred.

You could tell that Levi, for all his skill in battle and composure in life, wasn’t used to being in situations like this. Vulnerable, open, and without control—he wasn’t prepared for how quickly everything had unraveled. The weight of his embarrassment was heavy, written all over his face.

“Hey…” you whispered, your voice soft and reassuring as you moved closer to him. You could see the tension in his body, the way his jaw clenched as he tried to avoid looking at you. Gently, you reached out and placed a hand on his chest, feeling the rapid thrum of his heartbeat beneath your fingertips. “It’s okay.”

Levi stiffened at your touch, his eyes finally meeting yours for just a second before flickering away again. His hands twitched by his sides, his knuckles white as he gripped the sheets harder. “It’s not…” he began, but his voice faltered. His brows knitted together in frustration, and his usual sharpness was replaced by something softer—something unsure. “I don’t… I didn’t expect—”

You could see him struggling to find the right words, and it only made him more flustered. Levi wasn’t used to losing control, not in battle and certainly not in moments like this. It was clear that he felt embarrassed, maybe even ashamed, but you weren’t going to let him feel that way—not with you.

“Levi,” you whispered, leaning in closer, your hand still resting gently on his chest. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

He let out a low, frustrated sigh, his hand coming up to brush through his hair, clearly at a loss. “I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. He finally looked at you again, and you could see the uncertainty in his eyes—the vulnerability he rarely showed. “I wasn’t ready.”

You smiled softly, your fingers gently tracing the lines of his chest, trying to ease the tension you could feel radiating off of him. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” you said, your voice soothing. “You were just… in the moment.”

Levi let out a quiet scoff, his face still flushed with embarrassment. “Tch. In the moment,” he muttered, clearly still irritated with himself. But even through his frustration, there was something softer underneath, a vulnerability that told you this was unfamiliar territory for him.

“You’ve been holding back for so long,” you said softly, your hand moving to gently cup his cheek. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and this time, he didn’t look away. “It’s not a bad thing to finally let go.”

Levi stared at you for a long moment, his breath still coming in shallow bursts. He seemed to relax slightly, though the tension in his body hadn’t completely disappeared. “I don’t know how to… do this,” he admitted quietly, his voice so low you almost didn’t hear him.

You smiled gently, brushing your thumb across his cheek. “That’s okay,” you said, your tone soft and full of affection. “We don’t have to rush. We have all the time in the world.”

Levi let out a slow, shaky breath, his eyes searching yours as if trying to find reassurance. His hand, still trembling slightly, came up to cover yours on his cheek. For the first time since the moment began, he seemed to relax a little more, his body slowly releasing some of the tension.

“Just… don’t think too much about it,” you whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’ve done more than enough, Levi. You’re perfect as you are.”

He didn’t respond immediately, but the way he held onto your hand told you everything you needed to know. Despite his embarrassment, despite his frustration with himself, Levi was letting go—if only for a moment—and that was all that mattered.

He glanced at you, his sharp gray eyes softened by your gaze and for a second, his usual stoicism flickered. Levi was never one to let his emotions show, but now, with the barrier between you both shattered, he seemed different—unsure, vulnerable.

You smiled softly, your hand moving to rest over his, guiding it upward, toward your chest. His eyes widened slightly, and you could feel the hesitation in his movements as his fingers brushed against the soft curve of your breast. He paused, as if unsure if he should continue, his gaze searching yours for permission.

“You can touch me, Levi,” you whispered, your voice gentle, filled with encouragement. “It’s okay.”

Levi swallowed hard, his breath hitching as his hand gently cupped your breast, his thumb brushing over your skin with a hesitant reverence that surprised you. His touch was soft, almost cautious, as though he was afraid of doing something wrong. But the moment his fingers made contact, you felt the tension in him shift, the vulnerability replaced with something more primal—something deeper.

His eyes darkened, his body reacting to the intimacy of the moment in ways that even he couldn’t control. His breath quickened again, and you could feel the subtle shift in his body as he started to respond, the growing heat between you unmistakable. Levi was clearly trying to hold back, unsure of how to navigate the intensity of his feelings, but the way his hand lingered on your skin told you that he was being pulled under by the desire he had kept buried for so long.

"You're driving me insane," he muttered, his voice rough, barely above a whisper, as he focused entirely on the sensation of your body beneath his touch. His hand trembled slightly, his control slipping once again, and the shift in him was palpable.

The desire between you reignited, stronger than before, and you couldn’t help but notice how his body responded. Levi’s jaw clenched, his breath becoming heavier, and when you shifted slightly against him, you could feel just how much the moment was affecting him. He was hard again, the tension and need that had briefly subsided now returning with a force that seemed to surprise even him.

Levi’s hand stilled on your breast, his eyes closing for a moment as he fought to regain control, but you could see the struggle in him—the desire to let go warring with his instinct to maintain composure.

"You don’t have to hold back," you whispered, your fingers tracing the lines of his jaw, feeling the way his pulse raced beneath your touch. "It’s just us. No need to be in control."

Levi opened his eyes, his gaze locking onto yours with a mix of need and uncertainty. He was clearly torn, still unsure of how to handle the intensity of the moment, but the look in his eyes told you everything—he didn’t want to stop.

For a moment, he said nothing, but his body betrayed him. His grip on you tightened slightly, his breath hitching as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, "I’ve never felt like this before."

You smiled softly, your fingers gently trailing down his chest as you whispered back, "Then let’s explore it together."

And in that instant, you could feel Levi’s last walls begin to crumble, his hand moving more confidently now as the tension between you both reached its peak once again. The vulnerability and connection you shared in that moment were undeniable, and Levi, for the first time, was letting himself feel it all.

You climbed on top of him, straddling his hips, and Levi’s eyes widened as you lined yourself up with him. His hands shot to your waist, gripping you tightly, his breath shaky as he tried to steady himself.

“You don’t have to—”

But you cut him off with a soft smile, your voice low and teasing as you leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I want to, Captain. I want to see you lose control again.”

Levi groaned softly, his fingers digging into your hips as you slowly sank down onto him, inch by inch. His entire body tensed beneath you, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps as he fought to keep himself together. But the moment you took him in fully, he let out a low, guttural groan, his grip on your hips tightening even more.

“Fuck…” Levi muttered under his breath, his voice strained. It took everything in him not to come right then and there, his entire body trembling as he fought to hold on.

You began to move, slowly at first, your hips rolling in a way that made Levi’s breath hitch. He squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw clenched tight as he struggled to keep himself together, but you could feel how close he was, how desperately he was trying to hold back.

“You feel so good,” you whispered, your voice dripping with seduction as you leaned down to kiss his neck. “I love watching you like this… watching you lose control.”

Levi groaned in response, his hands flexing on your waist as his breath came in ragged bursts. You picked up the pace, your movements slow but deliberate, teasing him, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. You leaned in closer, your lips brushing against his ear as you whispered, “I want you to come for me, Levi. Don’t hold back. Let go.”

"I can’t... I can’t—" Levi's voice faltered, his body tensing beneath you as his breath hitched, his head tipping back against the pillow.

"Yes, you can," you whispered, your lips brushing against his ear. "I want you to give in. Let it happen, Levi. Let me hear you."

Your words seemed to break whatever restraint he had left. With a final, deep groan, Levi’s body tensed completely, his grip on you tightening to the point where you were sure he’d leave marks. His breathing grew ragged, shallow gasps escaping his lips as he finally surrendered to the overwhelming pleasure and began to buck his hips up into you.

"That's it," you murmured, guiding him through it with your words, your voice laced with affection and desire. "You're doing so well. I want you to feel all of it."

Levi’s body jerked beneath you, his eyes squeezing shut as the intensity of the moment overtook him. He couldn’t control the way his hips were shooting up into your hot core, desperate for his release. His breath came in short, desperate gasps, his usually sharp mind clouded with pleasure as his body gave in completely.

The world seemed to blur around him—his breath hitched, his chest heaved, and he felt as if his body had ignited in a way he’d never experienced before. His vision went white, the pleasure almost overwhelming as you continued to talk him through it.

“Levi… you feel so good,” you whispered in his ear, your words a soft encouragement, keeping him grounded as he gasped for breath. “I want you to remember this night.”

Levi’s breath hitched, his grip on you tightening as you continued to move, faster now, your hips rolling in a rhythm that had him on the brink of losing himself completely. His body trembled beneath yours, his breath coming in short, desperate gasps as he struggled to hold on, but it was no use.

With a sharp, ragged groan, Levi came again, his body shaking violently as he lost control. His hands gripped your hips so tightly it almost hurt, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts as his release hit him harder than before.

He was trembling beneath you, his breath coming in ragged gasps as his body tensed with overwhelming sensation. His hands gripped your hips so tightly that you could feel the indent of his fingers, their strength betraying the iron discipline he usually held. His face was flushed, and his normally sharp eyes were wide and unfocused, lost in the intensity of the moment.

His breath hitched, and he squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed by the newness of it all. Levi had faced countless battles, stared death in the face time and time again, but this—this feeling coursing through him—was something entirely different. His senses were overloaded, the heat of your body pressed against him, the way you moved, and the sound of your voice sending him spiraling further into a state of vulnerability he wasn’t used to.

You leaned in close, your lips brushing the shell of his ear as you whispered soft, sultry words. "You feel so good, Levi." Your voice was like a lifeline, pulling him deeper into the experience, and he clung to every word.

Levi gasped, his body shuddering as waves of pleasure overtook him, white spots clouding his vision. His hands moved from your hips to your waist, then lower, gripping the soft curve of your thighs as if grounding himself in the reality of the moment. His breathing was uneven, and for once, Levi Ackerman—the ever-composed captain—was completely undone.

“I… I can’t—” Levi tried to speak, but his words faltered as the pleasure overwhelmed him. His chest heaved as he gasped for air, every muscle in his body tense as he continued to shoot his seed inside you. You could feel him filling you up, his body trembling as he lost all control.

"That's it," you murmured, your voice soft and coaxing. "Just let it happen, Levi."

You continued to guide him, your words both reassuring and teasing as you spoke pure adoration and desire into his ear. Levi groaned, his body arching against yours as another release surged through him with a force that left him breathless. His grip on you tightened, fingers pressing into your skin, and for a moment, all Levi could do was hold on as he was swept up in the intensity of the moment.

His breath came in sharp, uneven gasps, and his normally composed expression was a mix of pleasure and disbelief. He had never felt anything like this before, and it was as though his body was reacting on instinct, surrendering completely to the sensations coursing through him.

As the peak of his orgasm finally washed over him, Levi’s mind struggled to process it all. The warmth of your body, the feel of your skin, the sound of your voice—all of it combined to push him past any boundary he had ever known. You stayed with him through every moment, whispering encouragement as his body trembled beneath yours.

Levi finally opened his eyes, still wide with shock and disbelief, his breath shaky as he tried to catch it. His gaze met yours, and for a brief moment, there was something soft and vulnerable in his expression—something you rarely saw in him. He looked at you as if you were the only person in the world who had ever seen him like this, and in that moment, you realized how much he had been holding back.

"You're... incredible," Levi whispered, his voice rough and filled with emotion. He couldn’t believe what had just happened, and as he tried to regain his composure, he found himself still lost in the sensation of having let go, something he had never done before.

You smiled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips as you whispered back, "You deserve to feel like this, Levi. I’m happy I got to show you what it's like to lose control, even if it’s just for tonight."

Levi’s hands remained on your hips, his grip softening slightly as he slowly started to come down from the overwhelming high, his heart still pounding in his chest. The vulnerability, the raw emotion, was still there, but this time, Levi didn’t pull away. For once, he allowed himself to be present in the moment—something he hadn’t done in years.

He held you close, his breathing steadying, but the intensity between you was far from over. There was still a fire in Levi’s eyes, still a desire simmering just beneath the surface.

That look in his eyes told you everything—you had taken him somewhere he had never been before, somewhere he had never allowed himself to go.

"Thank you..." he whispered hoarsely, his voice barely audible as he caught his breath. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that you had never seen before, a soft gratitude that he didn’t need to voice.

You leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, whispering, "You deserved it, Captain."

Levi’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you close as you both lay in the afterglow, the tension and exhaustion from the night slowly melting away. The storm outside continued its distant rumble, but inside the quiet room, the only sound was the soft breathing of two people who, for the first time, had truly let go.

And you weren’t done with him yet.

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sixpennydame · 8 months ago

Text

North Star ✶ Chapter 11

A Levi Ackerman x oc slow burn

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist | AO3

An opportunity arises, that puts tension between you and Levi.

A/N: I found an amazing, detailed map of Marley on Reddit that has helped me view the geography of Marley and its surrounding locations. If you'd like an idea of where Mursa is, it's in the far SW range of mountains.

“Levi…you’re overthinking it. Let go and trust!”

Mathieu sits in a corner of the training barn and watches as Levi and Demon race around the perimeter. He shifts uncomfortably, attempting to wave his arms, which are still in slings on either side of his chest.

“Work with Demon, not against him.”

Levi leans in, pulling the right rein just slightly and attempting to give Demon more control. After finishing a round, he rides toward Mathieu, beads of sweat dotting his forehead despite the cold. He leads Demon to a water trough before getting a drink himself, ignoring the frustrated look on Mathieu’s face.

“You’re still pulling too hard on the reins when you need to make a right turn. I’ve told you to trust Demon to be your sight on your right side.” Mathieu walks toward Demon and attempts to pet him with his bandaged arm. “It’s a partnership, Levi. You can’t be in total control. Give in a little.”

Levi knew this - he’d heard Mathieu yell this at him a hundred times since he’d started training. He knew he needed to trust that Demon knew just the right time to turn, but without his peripheral vision on his right side, he felt too vulnerable.

Kenny had taught Levi to always be aware of everything going on around him: every sound, smell, and movement could be a possible attack. He’s sure that his keen senses are what kept him alive for much of his life; so of all his injuries, the lack of sight in his eye has been the hardest adjustment to make. Lack of depth perception, difficulty in judging accurate distances and tracking object movement - abilities most people take for granted - were now challenges beyond his control that not even his Ackerman blood could remedy.

He sometimes wondered why he was even attempting this in the first place.

But then he remembered: it was a challenge. He knew he wasn’t the man he used to be, but riding made him feel alive and caused all his senses to become alert and focused. When everything clicked with him and Demon, it was like being whole again.

It’s just this damn eye.

But Levi could adjust - he just needed to focus.

Which meant he needed to think less about you. That was the whole point of moving out of your house anyway.

It wasn’t like you were completely out of his life. You come daily to the stables to brush and ride Astrid, and you’re both amicable to each other, talking about the weather and goings-on in Mursa, as if nothing had happened between the two of you.

But something had happened. Levi couldn’t get it out of his mind.

Did you think about it too?

He checks his watch. A creature of habit, he knew you’d be here at the stables any moment now to check on Astrid and make lunch for them; the latter you’d insisted on doing ever since the accident. Of course, neither of the men would argue with that, although they argued with each other about almost everything else.

“Ok old man, enough of your badgering,” Levi says, taking Demon’s reins and leading him out of the barn. “I’m working on it.”

”You better work harder. Your first race is only a few months away,” Mathieu yells to Levi’s back.

——- ✶ ——-

You’re learning to live with it, the solemn silence of the mornings without Levi here. That same empty feeling you’d felt in the previous three years, now creeping its way along the floorboards of the house. It’s been a month now since his departure, and looking back on the night he left, and the kiss that had happened hours before, you felt silly for thinking it was anything other than some fantasy.

Maybe you were meant to be alone, and that was ok. You’d made due before Levi had come into your life and were learning to live with the loneliness. And besides, he was still your friend; that hadn’t changed, thankfully.

But you missed his presence in the house, the conversations shared in the early morning hours when even the sun had not yet risen. It had been mostly you talking, but he was a good listener, someone who looked at you while you were speaking, as if he was weighing every word carefully. On the rare times he did open up, it was like one of those flowers that only blooms every ten years; it felt special and you couldn’t help but listen, enraptured by the stories of his youth and his training for the Survey Corps. You wondered what it must have been like to live the first half of your life underground. And then, to live within the confines of gigantic walls.

When you were young, you often thought of the mountain ranges surrounding Mursa as high, impenetrable walls. You figured most young people felt that way, eager to escape and see more of the world. It was one of the reasons Martin and his younger brother Tomas had joined the military - a bit of freedom and adventure before settling down. But back then, you all knew Tomas would never settle down. He was wild and carefree, an unstoppable force too big for this small town.

Hmmm..

...you hadn’t thought of Tomas in years, not since your return to Mursa after The Rumbling. Although Martin had loved his younger brother with all his heart, they’d never truly gotten along; like two magnets with opposite poles, it was sometimes hard to believe that the two were even related. Tomas had always yearned to travel over the mountains and make his own way in the world, and he had made it clear to everyone that he never planned on returning to Mursa once he left. True to his word, you’ve not heard from him since.

The picture of him and Martin in their Southern Marley military uniforms still stands on the mantle; Martin is smiling, standing proudly in his officer’s uniform, his hand on the shoulder of his brother. Tomas is sitting in a chair, one arm resting on his leg. He’s not smiling, but there’s a fire in his eyes, a look of eagerness. Like so many others around the world, you wonder if he was killed during The Rumbling, or maybe he was living, carefree, in some other part of the world.

Because he was about the same age as you, everyone had expected you and he to be friends; but throughout the years, Tomas had only ever treated you with indifference, even when you and Martin had married. Although the relationship between the two of you had always been spotty, it would be nice to have family here. Someone who remembers how things used to be, even though those days are long gone.

You walk to your bedroom as your focus changes to the picture of you and Martin on the altar near your bed. Tradition dictates that the altar be taken down after the three years of mourning are over, but in the past month, you just haven’t had the will to put it away. You know Martin has moved on, and you should too, but some things are just hard to let go of.

But there’s a tug at your heart, saying today’s the day.

The silver frame feels heavier than you remember. It had been a wedding gift from Martin’s parents, in a time when silver was a less precious and rare resource. Lilies of the valley had been delicately etched into the surface, with the year of your betrothal engraved at the bottom. You look so young in the photo, even though only a little over 5 years have gone by. You gently wrap the frame in a silk scarf Martin had given you once for your birthday and place it in a small wooden box.

The other object on the altar is even harder to put away.

In opposition to the frame, the baby booties are soft and feather-light. You remember sitting in the chair in the corner, easily crocheting them in a day, but being so proud of yourself because they’d been the first thing you’d made for the baby. Other things had come after that: a blanket, a few tiny cardigans and even tinier bonnets. In a fit of grief, you’d burned those things after returning to Mursa three years ago, along with the other things you and Martin had bought for the nursery. It was just too painful to look at.

Looking at the tiny white booties, you regret doing that now.

You place them next to the frame and close the box, then place it in a corner of your closet. In the spring, you’ll bury it next to the large oak tree in the backyard, the one that Martin would always take naps under as a boy, and where you and he would steal kisses behind in your teenage years. Closing your eyes, you can see him now, sleeping under the tree in the heat of midsummer, your child laying on his chest. Peaceful. Content.

The clock chiming for the hour breaks you from your dream. “I need to get to Mathieu’s,” you say to yourself, putting on your warm winter layers before heading out the door and down the road to the stables.

——- ✶ ——-

“Stop pulling on my coat, you silly girl! I need to brush you, and then we’ll go out and stretch your legs.”

Levi smiles when he hears you talking to Astrid. Your voice always goes up just a tad whenever you talk to animals and little kids. With anyone else, he’d think it annoying, but with you, he finds it endearing. The smile on his face is gone by the time he walks past you.

“Astrid’s been a stubborn little shit lately,” he says as he takes the saddle off Demon. “She probably just wants to see you more.”

(He just wants to see you more.)

“I’m already over here for practically half of the morning every day. Maybe you just need to give her more attention.”

”Astrid could care less about me.”

”Awww, did she reject your charms, Levi?”

Your laugh reverberates through the stable and causes his mouth to turn upward just a bit. He loves this playful side of you. He’d almost think it flirting if he didn’t know that he’d ruined any of those chances.

He knows he hurt you that night, when he told you the kiss was a mistake. It was written all over your face: the confusion, the rejection. You had smiled, thinking he wouldn’t notice, but you wear your heart on your sleeve.

A heart that Levi isn’t worthy enough to handle.

Your eyes shine at him as you give him a wink and a smile, before you continue to brush Astrid.

This is fine. This is enough for him.

”There’s my favorite girl,” Mathieu exclaims, standing at the entrance of the stables before walking towards you. “The best part of the day is when you arrive here. I’m not sure how much longer I could endure Levi’s sullen looks this morning.” Looking over at Levi, he smirks. “But it seems that your arrival has changed his mood too.”

Levi stiffens while a slight blush washes over his cheeks. He doesn’t look at you, but he can feel your eyes on him.

“Get inside before you freeze, you old geezer,” Levi replies as he unsaddles Demon. “I’m going to exercise a few of the other horses before lunch.”

“I’ll help him out with that,” you add

“Of course you will,” Mathieu says, a teasing lilt in his voice. “I’ll leave you both to it then.”

“You don’t mind if I join you?” you ask, eyes on him again.

“Do what you like. They’re not my horses,” his voice as apathetic as he can muster, in hopes it won’t reveal that he loves it when you ride with him.

He’s realized that in the last month, it’s practically impossible for him to push you completely out of his orbit.

The two of you ride into the training arena, you on Astrid, and Levi on a young mare he’s been working on saddle training. He can feel a curious aura around you, a question right on the tip of your tongue.

At the end of the hour, it finally comes out.

“Levi, what’s the rest of the world like now? After The Rumbling?”

He forgot that you’ve only left Mursa once in the past three years. But why the sudden interest?

“To be honest, most of it’s in chaos right now. Practically the entire continent of Marley was decimated in The Rumbling, and the loss of such a world power has put every other nation at a stand-still. Even now, there are refugee camps everywhere as entire communities try to rebuild.”

Levi’s face darkens. “And while nations are either rebuilding or fighting for control, Paradis is building its arsenal, just biding its time to see what kind of world is going to come out of all this.”

“Some of your former comrades are going to Paradis soon as peace emissaries, right?”

“As if that’s going to make any difference, after all this.” He looks away. “Fucking idiots.”

“You didn’t want to go with them?”

“To do what? Kiss Eldian asses and beg them to be nice?” Levi clicks his tongue. “I’m a soldier, not a politician.”

“You still see yourself as a soldier?”

Levi looks up at you. He didn’t even realize he’d said that.

“No, of course not.”

“Then how do you see yourself?”

That’s something he’s asked himself time and time again. Honestly, he doesn’t know who he is anymore. His entire meaning, his purpose, had been in service to and for others, but now they were all gone, including the world he’d fought so hard to save. It was like learning to be a new person.

He’d spent the years following The Rumbling in that pursuit: joining Onyakopon and the others in rebuilding the world, hoping to find that meaning he’d lost. But through it all, this lingering emptiness followed him. His life in Mursa was supposed to be a reset, a chance for him to rediscover himself without the shadow of war and death.

So why did he feel just as lost as ever?

It embarrasses him that he can’t answer you, and so he deflects. “Tch, what’s with all the damn questions today?”

“Well, before Annika returns to Mursa this spring, she wrote to me and said that she and some other doctors are working with an organization to help set up a clinic at the Pulsella Refugee Camp.”

”She would do something that idiotic. Does she realize how incredibly dangerous it is there? That part of Marley is still a steaming pile of shit. It’s overrun with bands of warring gangs.”

“You’ve been there?”

“I haven’t, but I’ve been to plenty other camps that were the same. We did what we could, but not even the Marley military - what’s left of it - will touch that place.”

Your brows are knit in contemplation. “So that’s what’s happening beyond these mountains.”

“A lot of turmoil and strife. You’re lucky to live in a place like this.”

“I suppose I am.” You pull on Astrid’s reins, leading her out of the arena. “I should go get lunch ready.”

Something’s shifted in you, but Levi can’t quite put a finger on what that might be. It sends a pang of worry and uneasiness through his mind.

It seems that pushing his feelings down for you is going to be harder than he thought.

——- ✶ ——-

A few days pass before you return to the stables. Levi figured you had other things to do, but it didn’t stop him looking over the horizon every morning, expecting to see your figure walking in the slushy snow. It’s been unseasonably warm the past few weeks; he’d been told to expect snow well into mid-spring, but nothing about the world has been normal since The Rumbling, not even the weather. It’s beyond Levi’s level of understanding, but a scientist had explained to him that it had something to do with the months it took for the millions of steaming titan bodies to decompose, as well as the environments those same titans had destroyed.

His muscles ache as he breaks up some ice that had accumulated at the entrance of Mathieu’s home, the sound of the shovel scraping against the ground only interrupted when he hears footsteps behind him.

“Warm today. Spring will be here before we know it,” you say.

”Not nearly soon enough. I’ve about had it with snow.” He stops and leans his body on the shovel, relieving some pressure on his leg. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah. I’ve been busy.”

You don’t elaborate, and Levi doesn’t ask what you mean. You’re standing next to him but he feels a great distance between you both, something he hasn’t felt since becoming friends with you.

But this was the whole point of his moving away. This is what he wanted.

Right?

Your silence continues as you saddle Astrid, choosing to ride outside by yourself instead of with Levi. There’s no questions today. No asking him about his knee or how Mathieu is doing.

Something is up. And as much as Levi wants to ask you what’s going on, he knows it’s not his place. He shouldn’t pry into your life.

Mathieu, however, has no boundaries, and when you finally all sit down to lunch, he asks, “Is there something wrong, Catherine? You’re quiet today.”

You shift in your chair and wipe your lips with your napkin. “No, nothing’s wrong. But I do have some news.”

At that, both men lean forward. “Annika has asked me to help her pack up her things before her move back to Mursa this spring.” You pause, sitting up straighter. “She also invited me to accompany her to her last assignment with her hospital: to set up and build a clinic at the Pulsella Refugee Camp in the Eastern Marley Territories. You stand up and take the plates from the table. “I’ll be gone for a month or two.”

“Why?” Levi’s voice is cold and direct.

”What do you mean, why? I want to help Annika.”

”With moving, ok yes, I get that. But going to Pulsella? I told you it’s a lawless wasteland there. What can you do?”

”I guess…I just want to try and make a difference, in whatever way I can. Annika said they could use volunteers to make food, distribute aid kits, and build more permanent shelters. I think I can help.”

”How? By getting yourself killed? Some help that’ll be..”

”Levi…” Mathieu says, putting a hand on his arm.

You turn your back to both of the men, walking to the kitchen with the plates. “I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t understand. I didn’t even want to tell you.”

Levi is quick to follow you. “I don’t think you understand. That place is beyond dangerous, Catherine. The people are desperate there.

”All the more reason why people who care should go help those who have nowhere else to go.” You start roughly washing the dishes. “I’m tired of just living here while others are suffering. It doesn’t feel right.”

There’s an intense silence as you roughly rinse the plates. Levi knows he should say something, tell you that he’s worried and he just doesn’t want anything to happen to you. But to say all that would be to admit that he still cares for you deeply.

The whole problem would be solved if he just went with you, but he knows he can’t. He promised he’d stay and help Mathieu, and the old man had already put time and money into training him for this damn race. He can’t back down from his commitment.

And he knows the kind of hard work in store there; hard labor that his body can no longer accomplish. Even if he managed to go along and there was an altercation, he’s not sure he could fully protect you in a fight. Feelings of uselessness bubble up inside him.

He opens his mouth to speak, but you suddenly put down a plate and face him, cutting off his train of thought.

”And frankly, Levi, I don’t understand you. First, you told me I was strong and to rely on my friends. Now I’m trying to use my strength and be useful, but you’re against it. The way you talk to me makes me feel like you see me as some helpless, frail woman, when I’m anything but. Or maybe I am, I don’t know.”

You bite your bottom lip. Levi’s noticed that you get emotional when you’re angry. You’re probably trying to hold back tears, in an effort to look strong in front of him.

”I don’t really know who I am. But I’ve done hard things before and I can do it again.”

”Yeah, but this time I won’t be there to save you.”

He didn’t want to have to spell it out for you to make you understand.

But his words don’t have the effect he was expecting. Levi sees your body tense as you furrow your brow.

“I’m thankful for what you did for me on Mount Aspe, I really am. But don’t hold it over me like some kind of trump card anytime you want to boss me around. I didn’t ask you to save me then and I’m certainly not asking for your opinion now.”

“You’re not listening, Catherine.” He could feel his patience wearing thin.

“Oh, I hear you loud and clear, Levi. You think I need a man to look after me. Well, if it makes you feel better, I’m sure there’ll be lots of young, strong men there that will be more than happy to assist me with whatever I need.” Your voice drips with resentment.

So that’s how you see him, as some weak, old piece of shit. You probably judge him for escaping the outside world and coming here. His fists clench and he feels defensive for the first time in ages.

“Oh yeah? I didn’t know you were that lonely and desperate for a man that you’d do something this stupid.”

Shit.

He went too far. He knew it instantly when he saw the look of hurt on your face, tears forming in the corners of your eyes before you blink them away. Your jaw tenses, and something changes in the way you look at him.

”Fuck you, Levi.”

It’s not the first time those three words have been directed toward him, but hearing them come from your mouth, it makes him visibly wince.

You bolt out of the kitchen and head straight for the door.

“I leave in two days, so I need to get packing. Mathieu, Luka will come by with my stable rent payments and to ride Astrid.”

The door slams and then there’s silence. Levi can feel Mathieu scowling at him.

“What?”

Mathieu rises from his seat and shakes his head. “You can be a real asshole sometimes, you know that?”

——- ✶ ——-

“Asshole,” you mutter under your breath as you trudge through the snow.

You had a feeling Levi would react negatively when you told him your plans; it’s why you hesitated saying anything until the last minute. You knew he’d doubt your strength and question the reasoning behind your motives.

But calling you lonely and desperate…that went over the line. It was a deliberate jab.

And it infuriates you even more to admit that he’s right, to some extent. You are lonely. You do want to feel the touch of a man again, to feel wanted and desired.

But that’s not why you’re going to Pulsella. He knows that. He’s just miserable about life and wants everyone else to feel that way. You wonder now what you ever liked about him in the first place.

You’re glad he moved out. The less you see of him the better.

You slam the door and stomp through the living room, startling Max and Albert.

“Whoa. Everything ok?” Max asks.

”It’s fine,” you reply sharply. “Max, can you take me to the train station in two days?”

”Sure…I just figured Levi would take you..” he answers, each word coming out in hesitance.

”Why would you think that? He doesn’t live here anymore.”

Max scratches his head nervously. “I don’t know..I guess I thought the two of you were…“ you send him a questioning look, “...good friends.”

“Humph,” you scoff, “that man doesn’t want to have any friends.”

Needing to clear your head, you head straight to the kitchen. “I’m gonna bake something.”

But as your hands knead through the dough, you feel the embers of your temper fading. Placing the two loaves of quick bread in the oven, your mind feels even clearer. What Levi had said was hurtful, but maybe you’d been hard on him too. You’d assumed he didn’t trust in you, when maybe he was just worried about you.

He’d told you he cared for you once. Perhaps that was just his really bad way of showing that.

You expect him to walk through the door that night, admit his feelings, and apologize for being an ass. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to do that.

But he doesn’t come that evening, or the evening after. Your last night at home, you stop looking for him.

Perhaps it’s time you stopped expecting things from Levi that will never be.

——- ✶ ——-

Max stops the wagon in front of the train station. “You be careful out there, Catherine. I promise I’ll keep the guys in line.”

“I’m more worried about who’s gonna keep you in line.” You give Max a quick hug. “I’ll see you in a couple of months. Don’t burn the house down.”

You buy your ticket and walk to the platform, but before you can make it to the train you stop.

Levi stands there, hands in pockets, leaning against a pillar.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, knowing you can’t just ignore him.

“I had to come into town anyway to run errands for the old man.” His foot kicks a clump of dirt away from your luggage. “I figured I might as well see you off.” He reaches down to grab the handle. “Let me get that.”

Your hand quickly pulls it away. “I can carry it just fine, thanks.”

Levi walks with you silently until you reach the entrance of your train car. You’re not sure which is worse: his awkward silence or his crude remarks. Not wanting to experience either anymore, you decide to end…whatever this is that’s happening.

“Well, I’ll see you in two months. Take care.”

“Wait.”

Levi pulls out a slender knife from his pocket and places it in your hand. “For protection.”

You look down at the wooden handle. “A knife? I don’t need this.”

“It’s a switchblade, and you do need it.” He moves closer to you and puts his hand on yours, guiding your finger to a metal knob on the wooden handle. “This is the safety. You slide this to lock and unlock the knife.”

He then guides you to another button. “Just press this button and the blade pops out.” It opens with a click. “Press down this tab to slide it back into the handle.”

You haven’t felt Levi’s touch since that New Year’s morning and it makes your heart race. His hand lingers on yours, encouraging your fingers to curl around the now warm handle.

“Just take it. Please.”

Although his lips don’t say, “I’m sorry,” you know him well enough to know that this is his way of apologizing, and to show that he trusts you.

You pull your hand away from his and put it in your pocket, your way of saying that you accept his apology.

“If you’re being attacked, don’t hesitate for a moment to use it. Seconds count in those kinds of situations.”

“I’ll be careful.” You want to say more, but the conductor is yelling for all to board, and passengers begin to push by.

“Just come back safe.” Levi moves away from you slowly. “And bring back that knife. I’ve had it a long time.”

You smile, then board the train. As you find your seat and look out the window, you notice that Levi stays on the platform until the train slowly accelerates out of the station.

——- ✶ ——-

The three day train ride reminded you how big Marley was, and it was hard to believe most of it had been decimated. Trains would only take you so far, however, and Annika said she and her friend would pick you up at the final train station and drive you the rest of the way to Pulsella.

True to her word, Annika stands next to an automobile with a tall man.

He shakes your hand and gives you a warm smile.

“So nice to finally meet you, Catherine. I've heard so much about you.”

“I’m Onyankopon.”

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