#letsjustignorerequestsarealreadyfreewhoops

[paimonial-rage]

at least get it right! - zhongli

synopsis: in which reader politely and gracefully corrects incorrect opinions on wangheng funeral parlor's most knowledgeable consultant

ship: none except reader's hatred of misinformation (about zhongli)

notes: part of bookkeeping!verse; sequel to blasphemous assumptions

You knew you weren't the easiest person to get along with. While you knew how to carry yourself with grace, that didn't necessarily mean you were good at it. You could give a decent first impression and gain the respect of others through your work ethic, but you still had flaws. Many considered you too temperamental and opinionated for their liking. You didn't see any qualms in disagreeing with the popular opinion, and when your ire was drawn, all tact went out the window.

Still, that didn't necessarily stop people from trying to get on your good side. Many found your confidence attractive and you supposed the efforts you made in your appearance assisted that. But they also found you intimidating as well. It was frustrating what that combination did to them. People often wanted you to like them and would go out of their way to try and achieve it. When you dwelled on it too much, you often were left wondering with a groan why people couldn’t just be normal.

Recently a Wengsheng Funeral Parlor received a new intern and it was your job to teach him the ropes. His name was Qinglang. He recently graduated and was aiming to gain a career in accounting. He was the friendly sort, albeit too friendly. He had a habit of standing a bit too close and leaning in a bit too far in when speaking to you. Though many of the Parlor's employees found him a bit too much at first, they soon warmed up to him.

Except you. 

You tried to focus on his good points, you really did. He definitely was a knowledgeable worker. He could handle the tasks you gave him with ease. However, he couldn’t stop talking to you. Due to your lack of response, it got to the point that the time he spent trying to chat you up far outweighed the amount of work he accomplished. It'd be one thing if it was with other people, but why did he have to focus all his time and energy on you?

Ignoring the fact you could barely get any work done, his topics of conversation were never interesting. You often found yourself rolling your eyes when he decided to bless upon you his oh so vast knowledge of tax laws and the gems he learned from the many economics classes he took. And when he saw that wasn't your fancy, he'd switch to his predictions on future economic booms and the Glaze Lily bubble that was "bound to happen!" Don’t forget how he kept repeating how he’ll be receiving a “top” job at the Feiyun Commerce Guild after finishing his internship at the Parlor.

In the back of your mind, you knew you could get him to back off a bit if you just gave him the attention he wanted from you, but you were too prideful for that. You could scare him off, but you were a professional! You were far past the age of snapping at someone in a public setting!! Sure you may have kinda sorta done it in the past two stories you starred in, but you have grown! Truly! You were more adult than you were before. You would most definitely be the mature one in this situation.

“You know, for it being such an old business, I didn’t think Wangsheng Funeral Parlor would be such a hot mess.”

Your ears pricked.

“The director is an immature little girl. I hear she enjoys going around harassing people to become customers. Don’t you think that’s kinda creepy? And the way she entices customers too,” he scoffed. “Free coffins? Honestly, with her business ethic, I doubt this place is gonna last.”

Uh what?

You half wondered if you suddenly fell asleep and managed to dream the past twenty seconds, because if you heard correctly, Qinglang suddenly and cancerously grew the largest balls of sheer idiocy to think he’d be safe insulting the director while standing in her business getting paid with her funds. If you had to be honest, you had no clue how to even respond to that. Your brain was blank. Nobody could be this dumb in real life, right? 

“And what’s up with that consultant everyone is totally gaga over? Sorry, but I don’t see the appeal in someone that acts 65 when they’re actually in their thirties, you know? Really, why are they even keeping him around? I’ve only been here for five days and all I can see he does is spend the Parlor’s money.”

Ah.

“I guess he’s knowledgeable, but honestly is what he says even useful? I spent five minutes talking to that guy and I wanted to fall asleep. It’s like his only utility lies in providing quaint pieces of trivia on demand.”

Okay.

“In my opinion, it would be best for the Parlor if they just got rid of him–”

Your lips pulled back into a beautiful smile.

“Are you done talking? I’m starting to get bored.”

Qinglang’s eyes widened in shock before taking a step back.

“E-Excuse me?”

You shrugged. Your voice was pleasant.

“I said I’m bored. You’re boring me.”

Qinglang laughed nervously, that kind of disbelieving laugh people gave when their bootlicking toward you inevitably went too far. 

“S-Sorry, I just… thought you’d agree.”

The smile was gone now. 

“Well, you are right about the director being a little girl and the consultant acting like he’s 65. You’re wrong about everything else though.”

You shrugged in mock disappointment.

“I mean if you’re going to talk out of your ass about your employer and senior in their own workplace, at least get it right.”

Pity filled your heart as you gazed upon his frazzled expression. 

Poor thing.

“How… How was I wrong?”

He couldn’t tell? You sighed, shaking your head in disappointment as you placed a hand on your hip. 

“Well, the first was the director being immature. She isn’t. Though Director Hu is young, she takes her job very seriously. She is able to perform even the most intricate of funeral rites flawlessly. She makes sure to treat our clients with respect. The free coffins thing may be creepy, I’ll give you that, but it's actually provided a lot of income to the Parlor and has recently been utilized extensively by the Millelith. Director Hu may like to play around, but she definitely knows what she's doing.”

Qinglang flushed. 

"Well, maybe I was a bit short-sighted about her, but–" 

“As for Mr. Zhongli, it’s sad you can’t even see how much he contributes here. Yes, he annoys me at times, but even I saw his use after working here a single day. Do you really think that’s all he does? Shop? He is called a ‘consultant’ for a reason, you know. While he focuses on adepti funerals on paper, he assists in every aspect of the Parlor’s operations. When in doubt, no one here has any reservations about coming to Mr. Zhongli for advice. Not once has he ever let us down.

"Added to that, Mr. Zhongli has assisted the Parlor with his many connections. We are never in lack of rare supplies for funeral rites because Mr. Zhongli is always able to procure them. I've heard that many business owners in Liyue consider themselves indebted to him because of the advice he gave for free. They are willing to bend backward for him. Anyone who has spent even a little time here would know this. Archons, Qinglang. Did you even think of doing your research before deciding to open your mouth?”

Now that you thought about it, you didn’t realize until now that Qinglang managed to parrot the things you complained about in the past almost word for word. Did he ask someone about you? You wanted to gag. How pathetic. He was like a child that didn’t know how to cheat on a test. If you were going to copy someone else, at least change the wording. Did he really think such laziness would impress you?

As you dwelled on it, the fury in your gut flared hotter and hotter. Your fingers curled into fists. Had you been paying attention, you would have noticed you took a step closer to him with each point you threw. There were many things you hated, but there just seemed to be something about people that confidently blathered about things they knew nothing about. How dare they push such lies onto others?

"Lastly…”

Now you stood before him with fire blazing in your eyes.

“... Lastly…”

You leaned in as he would do in the past. Your hands shook.

“Who the hell are you to say anything about anyone here!?”

As you growled, you stabbed your finger into his chest with enough force to push him off his feet.

“It may come as a surprise to you, but I respect the Director. And as for Mr. Zhongli, yes, I may not like him, but I am not blind to his good traits. I have never once thought of him as useless. Mr. Zhongli is always willing to listen and lend a helping hand. He never turns anyone away and I genuinely like that about him. He is more of an asset than you will ever be wherever you go. So why don't you just shut your mouth, stop trying to win a quick buck with me, and get back to work.”

You began to make your way out of the office before pausing at the door.

“If you can do your work as quickly as you run your mouth, maybe I’ll be kind enough to give only the Feiyun Commerce Guild my honest evaluation of your behavior and skills. If you can’t, well…”

You chuckled under your breath.

“I can’t say who else I’ll be willing to tell."

—

Even though you left with the last word, fury still swirled violently in your chest. You didn’t hesitate as you made your way to the entrance of the Parlor. You knew the Director wouldn’t dock your pay for taking a break to clear your head. Besides, you could feel the eyes of your coworkers boring into you. The walls were thin, after all. You knew they all heard. But before you could make it fully out, you nearly walked into the man of the hour.

Just your luck, right?

But you were raring to go. You were dying to hear what he would say. If he thanked you, you would laugh and tell him not to flatter himself. If he apologized, you would mock him for his lack of confidence.

But he didn’t do either. After murmuring an apology, he took a step around you and continued on his way. 

And somehow that annoyed you more than anything else he could have done.

So you spun around and marched up to him. Like with Qinglang, you leaned in close and pointed a finger to his chest.

“I meant what I said, and I have no shame saying it again. Don’t let my dislike of you convince you otherwise!”

Once his surprise wore off, his eyes twinkled with a glimmer of amusement.

“I will keep that in mind.”

You nodded before turning back to leave.

“Good.”