#lets make this the new normal lol
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Today I found out my youngest sister is playing LnDS too and had to share a funny little excerpt
I love how even when she saw Dawnbreaker's name she thought of me lmao 🤣🤣
And further proving to myself that my family is a disaster is her confirming that Rafayel and Zayne would be able to keep up with the constant barrage of teasing we all do to each other lol.
Now I gotta make her some Rafayel content as a present or something HMMMMM
#Kourtney is my full name- i just hate the nickname 'kourt' 🤢🤢🤢 so we shorten it to Kay tyvm#and Barek is my Hubs- for context lol#truly i was fated to find Dawnbreaker#i just had to wait like 5 years between making my company and him being released#love and deepspace#lnds#lads#l&ds#zayne#love & deepspace#rafayel#zayne love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#family bonding over otome should be the newest craze#like why isnt this more common?#lets make this the new normal lol
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Hey i am back with a thought.
I know we already mentioned like. The future future plans concerning kids in the New Age storyline.
I was thinking. Who would carry/get the kid in the couples? (Yes this implies mpreg. If this aint your thing no worries you can just ignore everything else :3 )
As you mentioned before. Nightmare and error would most likely adopt.
Between dream and blue i think blue would end up carrying the kid. Dream would feel too locked up and locked down if he had to take it easy. Also. Let this man pamper Blue. He deserves that.
Ccino and Killer. Ccino wouldnt want kids for a LONG time and even just the idea would be slow going. But killer has his soul situation (is that also a situation in this story?) And he is a knight being out and about. Ccino is safely at home and would be the safer option. But they would need a long time before ccino would feel comfortable with the idea.
Horror and Crop. Crop. Hands down. Horror with his work and Crop has help on the farm. But i doubt thwy would get a kid because they have along distance relationship.
Cross and Lust it depends on who wants it more. I can see both being the one who does it mostly because i can see pros and cons for both sides.
Reaper, Geno and Dust. Only one option. Reaper. Dust doesnt have a healthy enough soul and that with his spell around it? No way he can carry a kid. Geno meanwhile only has a soulshard so he isnt healthy enough to carry a kid either. Leaving only Reaper as an option.
Okay that was it. :D
Haha! Omg I keep forgetting this is smth I can think about! Usually it's not my scene so it might not cone up much in-stiry but it IS how I picture the cast having kids in this one, so!!! We're diving in!!
Like u said, those boys are adopting hehe-
With Dream and Blue it's a bit hard, because I think that Dream would be really really worried about Blue the entire time. Like, terrified his magic would accidentally trigger the whole Twin thing. But, ultimately, yeah, probably Blue! Dream *would* get too restless, and Blue rlly does deserve to be pampered hehe- (I just think Blue would have to really really talk Dream into it. Dream does NOT want to be like his mother anymore.)
Killer and Ccino... let's go with a yes on Killer's soul situation, so Ccino would be their only option. But, like you said, it would be ages before they even thought about discussing the idea, let alone actually having a kid.
Ohhh yeah. I see Horror and Crop as the ones least likely to have kids (as u said, long Distance relationship, but also they just have to much on their plates? They're practical guys and focus on their work and existing families first. Plus, someone has to be the cool uncles to their nieces and nephews!) But definitely Crop. Especially because Horror is pretty low on natural magic as-is and even though his soul is healthy, his body might not even be able to form a firm ecto, let alone anything safe to harbor a forming soul. (Unlike Ccino, Horror was born that way, and the injury didn't help lmao-)
Cross and Lust? I think they'd both regularly get baby fever, but neither of then would be ready to settle down for a *while* in that way, so I think they'd push off the question until years later. Then when it comes up, they 'fight' over it. Insisting that they should carry- I think they'd end up choosing Cross though! As much as Lust seems like the more convenient option, as he's not a knight, Cross is just built different and insists that if anything goes wrong he wants to be the one it happens to. Which, ofc, leads to him doing training whilst in the early stages until someone (probably Killer or Dust) notices he's a little off and then Cross admits he's got a soulling. He did not expect to immediately get horrified looks (because they were fighting someone with a lil guy inside them, not because he has a lil guy) or to immediately get ushered out of training and to his room because??? Idiot??? What were you thinking??? Cross is the worst at staying off his duties, but his brother's have him covered, thank god-
And yep, put perfectly! Reaper is so genuinely the only option! It leads to some odd interactions, since Reaper can't exactly stop being King, but he manages shockingly well and has Geno there to help him (and probably later on Dust, since Night isn't about to leave Dust out of that due to work-) And. I like to think these three in particular have multiple kids perhaps, Kane and then another, and it's kinda a running joke that Reaper's the one hauling them around lmao- (Also very convenient! Because Reaper is the one with death magic in his soul, the kids are effectively immune to it! They were made from that stuff basically, so ofc they're fine!)
#new age au#this ask hit me like a truck at first ngl#but it was actually really fun to think about so I committed and it helped me work on dynamics so ty Ancha!#(usually pregnancy gives me the ick but don't worry about it lol)#I really really love the image of Cross being stubborn and absolutely sure that he can train for a little while#at least until it really starts developing. no one will even notice! y'know? it'll be fine!#and he gets away with it pretty much until either Lust spills the beans at a dinner how far along they are or until Cross suddenly has an#ecto all the time and the others are suspiscious and get the answer out of him themselves lmao#bad first-time parent Cross my beloved. he loves the little soul so much. but was also not raised well.#people keep forgetting his awful childhood and that he's still not 100% sure what's normal 😭#also unrelated but Reaper is in such a situation- he doesn't care and neither does Geno but#it is SUCH a thing because. a king? a king is carrying? what about the wizard? the assassin? the partners he never shuts up about?#and because Dust's soul is a sensitive topic Reaper cones up with more abd more stupid reasons as to why he's the one who has it#'If Dust carried then the kid would be a citizen of Orchard. we can't have that!' is definitely one of them and it's said through giggles#okay enough of my rambling-#I love making characters into good parents (*COUGH* Ccino and Killee *COUGH*) but I also love making them horrendous at it at first while#alao lovibg their kids more than anything else (Cross. Lust. Probably Error. probably Dream-)#wait I lied#not done#Blue really has to beg Dream to let him carry like. so fr. because Dream refuses to risk it.#I think he'd make Blue promise that if twins started forming they'd nope out. yeet them and try again. which is a very heavy promise#for Dream to ask of Blue but... he agrees because he understands. ofc it doesn't come to that but I think it'd have to be the stipulation.#otherwise it'd be a Blue-only kid or nothing at all haha-#queuing this for the morning!
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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listening to troye sivans 'something to give eachother' and going absolutely feral bc this entire album is tododeku coded To Me
#like... i listened to the whole thing when it first dropped but ... the brainrot is reaching new levels today#im talking like 'entire music videos in my head' levels of hyperfixation#makes me wanna do a whole series based off the album tbh#one of your girls especially... 'lining round the block to be with you- but im first place' ....like...........#'but nobody wants you as bad as i do- baby let me plead my case' ???? like heLLO??? Is anyone listening???????#okay normal im normal#anyway.... new art coming tonight lol#olly speaks#tddk
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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“you are poseidon’s son”
“i am SALLY JACKSON’S son!”
THATS MY MAMAS BOYYYY thats my baby percy right there
#i am such a genius i am having the BEST new years ever#my friends are at a bar fighting for drinks and i am chugging cheap champagne watching pjo having a BLAST#literally NO hyperfixation hits like percy jackson hits let me tell you. that was the first and deepest of them#i distinctly remember pre-adhd-diagnosis summer feeling divine levels of euphoria when son of neptune came out#and being like. i am not normal. the joy i am feeling rn is the most intense thing i think anyones ever experienced ever#anyone i felt something similar when i heard the first lines of this show#the amount of times i have said THATS MY BABYYYYY at the screen is. concerning#I CANT WAIT FOR ANNABETH TO BE ANNABETH ALL OVER THE PLACE MY FIRST SELF-INSERT I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY<3#guys i literally dont think anyones having a better new years than me rn#the only thing that would make this better is Not having to go to work tomorrow lol#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy series#percy jackson#wait hold on look at this first tag that came up when i typed percy’s name#percy w severe amnesia looking at 10 ft tall god of war: i feeeel like you’re a bitch
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Not bein funny m8 at this point I would be unstoppable if god didn’t nerf me by making me 5’2”
#also I have a round ass jawline but THATS WHAT MASKS IS FOR! AND ANGLES#not me#YES the second binder got here weeks earlier than expected YES I LOVE ITTTTTT#IM SO HAPPYYY!!! SO HAPPY I will not let this happiness be flushed down the toilet tonight I PROMMY🤞#btw note to self I want new ear piercings like I want the faggoty tboy gauges you know the small ones lol#but my earlobes are fucked uppp. we shall see#I only wear platform sneakers btw.. (boy heels) they make me look ALMOST KIND OF NORMAL
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Heya thank you so much for your ask!
I'm guessing you're referring to the deleted scene where Gwen and Miguel talk about how Hobie quit/took time off:
Since it's a deleted scene it should be taken with a grain of salt but since nothing they say here actually contradicts anything that happens in the movie (and I find it fitting for Hobie's character to abandon the spider-society while still looking out for Gwen) then I personally headcanon that something similar at least happened prior to his introduction in the movie.
When you say he was inactive I guess you mean in the spider-society (English isn't my first language so please let me know if I misunderstand/misinterpret anything you said! I'm not trying to put words in your mouth I'm just trying to show how I understand what you're writing but please correct me if I'm wrong <3).But yeah, it would make sense that he was still somewhat part of the spider-society since he's still wearing their watch when he makes his entrance:
(Also did you know that Hobie is the ONLY spider-person that wears his watch upside down??? I didn't before I was getting screenshots for this post lol, here is a screenshot that better shows it compared to Gwen:)
(ALso he's NOT wearing any watch in his introduction scene:)
(Just a fun fact I wanted to share)
About the portals:You make a good point here! We never see the portal Hobie appears from when he enters:
"If anything, he's running in from some place else. And we never see if the portal he comes from is HQ issued, or one of his."This is really interesting, cause at one point I thought he'd just use the HQ portal, but if that's the case then why:
1. don't we see him enter?
2. Is he running like he came from somewhere else? Like you said the watches are pretty precise and put people close to where they need to be.
This made me think that maybe he used one of his own watches (since I think he'd already made some at this point). BUT if that's the case then again:
We should still see him enter right?
If he appeared nearby we should see the effect his watches have on their nearby surroundings like we see when Gwen uses hers:
Maybe he just didn't want the HQ to figure out that he'd made his own watches yet, or maybe LYLA would be able to track him if he used the HQ watch so he used his own one instead and either:
Used it to end up far away from the others as he knew they'd all be able to see the effect his watches have on their surroundings and since Miguel apparently has everyone under constant surveillance he'd be able to figure out that Hobie was planning something behind the scenes. When he got there he then put on his HQ watch (which he hadn't been wearing since LYLA haven't been able to track him, according to the deleted scene at least) to cover up the fact that he made his own.
He used his own watch but it's not as precise and that would also explain why he had to run to get to the others. (Though it seems pretty precise when Gwen is using hers later)
Maybe he was already in Pav's dimension. This might explain why Pav asks if Miles knows about Hobie? But then again why does Pav greet him like he didn't know he was there (and also why didn't Hobie join Pav and the others sooner if that was the case)? In a way it would make sense for Hobie to hide in Pav's dimension if he's hiding from the spider-society and LYLA as hinted at in the deleted scene (which might not be canon though!), so maybe he hid there without Pav even knowing? And then he maybe saw/sensed what was going on with the gang fighting The Spot?
Cause yeah how did Hobie know they needed his help at Alchemax?
As you said, Gwen seems happy/surprised to see Hobie.The deleted scene tells us that Hobie gave her a way to contact him, so maybe she did and she's just happy to see him and maybe suprised he arrived so soon after she reached out? (Though idk when she would have done that, but since we don't know what means Hobie gave her to contact him we also don't know what to look for, for all we know it could've been a small device that just sends some kind of signal to him?)I don't think HQ contacted him either. BUT, we actually see Jess and Gwen talk briefly for like 2 seconds when they're trying to break the barrier at Alchemax:
So I guess another explanation could be that Jess could tell that Gwen was lying here and thus asked Hobie to go help her out as she knew he was looking out for Gwen?
But if Hobie was hiding from HQ then how did they contact him? But that's also only if you consider the deleted scene as canon. (though I don't think Jess contacting Hobie is the case but I'm just writing every theory I can come up with in case anyone wants to maybe look deeper into it).
For the moment I personally headcanon that Hobie either got a message from Gwen somehow or, like I theorised earlier, he was already nearby and his spider-sense alerted him to what was going on.
But I'd LOVE to hear what you or anyone else thinks <3
Once again thank you so much for your ask, I hope I answered it properly. Please let me know if there's something I missed or got wrong! And feel free to message me about Hobie (or atsv in general) I love asks like these as they make for a lot of fun speculation!
Also thank you so much if you read all of my ramblings!
@the-cat-and-the-birdie
#whew this got long!#but it was a lot of fun to write and speculate!#also for some reason tumblr wouldn't let me post this as a normal ask so I had to take a screenshot instead#I hope it works cause I spent a lot of time on this <3#I kept getting new ideas as I was writing#I love how many theories you can make from this movie!#also not sure if any of these are correct but I'm putting them out there for ppl to decide#hope it makes sense lol#but please let me know if you want me to elaborate on something and I'll try to the best of my abilities!#hobie brown#spider punk#gwen stacy#spider gwen#pavitr prabhakar#spider man india#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse#across the spider verse theory#spider man across the spider verse#atsv#my post#my gif#my gifs#my video#ask
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okay girls im going to be a little hashtag critical here but i have been ruminating LONG ENOUGH and i really really do not like that scene in the graphic novel murder on the rockport limited where lucretia recognized the umbrastaff. i understand what they were trying to do and i understand you have to change things for the medium but its kind of a disservice to both lucretia and taakos characters imo. lucretia works so hard to keep the boys from questioning things like why would she have a reaction like that. like they couldve alluded to her recognizing it but a scene like that is so in your face and it takes power away from the scene in crystal kingdom where red robe barry recognizes it. and wrt taakos character like. hes never Particularly trustful of lucretia like on a personal level but overall he trusts the bureau and lucretia until reunion tour. adding in a scene like that at that point in the story makes no sense like u cannot convince me taako would not start questioning what the directors really up to and why she had such a personal reaction.
#taz balance#main tags for this 1 coz im curious if anyone else has similar thoughts. any of the other girls really freaking autistic abt this show lol#and again i get tht its partially the medium just. i dunnooooo like#the foreshadowing in balance already feels good feels organic. and i get they gotta allude to the bigger behind the scenes plot for new#readers but they do that already with the scenes w the red robeeeee likecjdknf#does this make any sense. do i sound nutz#ugh god girls once we get the animated series (🙏) i am going to. explode i hope they make some different decisions kfjfjdnf#creatively speaking#i rlly do think the medium has a lot to deal with it tho like i just dont think balance works in a graphic novel#like the plot is overall tje same but it doesnt have the same story feel. does that make sense#UGH AND ANOTHER THING. i get tht by showing her reaction adds to the freaking angst or whatever but part of why her character is so tragic#is that we dont see that! she keeps her emotions in check the girl does not let ppl in bcoz she feels she cant! and like#when we as like the readers the audience or whatever see her react like that so strongly and so angrily its like. shes no longer mysterious#and finding out who lucretia really is by the end of stolen century doesnt have the same impact. bcoz we already Know shes hiding something#its not just hinted at#ugh WHATEVER im normal about this show im so normal
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isaac and dewey are basically background characters, so i cant tell exactly what their dynamic is- are they bros or are they fucking? or maybe those are two inseparable realities (this is a vivinos production after all). if thats the case i think its hilarious to contrast them with ivan and till who arent normal. theyre just some guys
#its probably meant to be up in the air but the hat switch made me think it was an easter egg to tell you they might just be fucking#lets all just give up on ivan and till and their issues and make these two the new main gay male ship of the series bc theyre normal#gay people i respect vs gay people i dont respect (slash joke)#mizi and sua still take the cake though on account of they were actually explicitly in love and it wasnt one sided lol
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I'm about to throw all my academic values overboard to get this fucking article done
#linguistics are my enemy#not because I don't like the subject#I'm just........ so much less at ease with this than with literary sciene oh my god#I'm so glad I can mostly focus on lit in the future but let me tell you these few linguistics articles I have/had to do have really brought#me to my limit#and I thought I was already fed up and not giving a shit when I did that one article in summer... oh I had NO IDEA how much less of a shit#was capable of giving!!!#the thing is.... I think objectively I'm still? idk not the worst I could technically be doing#like there ARE people who straight up... idk don't even try to have a research question or who don't read more than a handful or articles b#t ugh#I like academic writing so much and I love putting in the work and I love actually getting into the reseach and finding the most important#texts and writing a balanced and well researched article but ugh..... I just feel like I keep reaching my limits with linguistics#and this time is worse than the others because this topic is SO FAR from being standardized and all I can do is ???? mention that there's#like a hundred different models and then just??? choose one and go with it? which is so fucking unsatisfying#but I swear... everybody in this field is just making up a new model that's just different words for the same thing (and not in the /normal#way that science /always/ is about making up a new model. no. this time they are very unnecessarily making up new models)#ugh. everything about this sucks#I should've chosen a different seminar I should've chose a different topic and I especially should've written more of this in summer when I#technically still had a little more time#sorry for blowing up your dash with complaints this festive season lol. I am just having a time (TM) with the different writing tasks on my#hands and I need a place to vent I guess#simon.out.#sounds so drastic btw I'm not about to cheat or plagiarize or anything but I'm about to do so much less of a proper work than I ever wanted#to allow myself to do. cherrypicking and all.
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help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)
#I could have just said John Larroquette but. I didn't#but anyway kitchens are expensive furniture is expensive paint is expensive#if we were rich I would be having the best time of my life. I'd love moving to a new place.#I'm having the best time playing with my 3d model of the apartment like it's a doll house#BUT actually buying things in real life is hell and it makes me so sad#god. imagine all the furniture I could assemble if I had money... sigh#trying to think about my guys to fall asleep but the furniture won't let me. ugh. I love furniture so much.#I know we're going to ikea next week and it's so bad how stupidly excited I am about it#ikea was probably my first hyperfixation as a kid and I haven't liked anything else for this long (it's been like. 27 years lol)#I cannot be normal about it#I will get to build shelves. and put things in shelves. organise things. build our wardrobe (for the third time in three years)#whenever we buy the kitchen I'll get to build most of that and then organise it too#I'm soooo excited!! and this time I'm only like... slightly chronically ill! and I won't have two surgeries right after we move (I hope....)#so maybe I'll have enough energy that it won't be awful this time!#anyway#need to sleep it's 6:30 and I'm so tired but my brain won't shut up#also my cat. he is yelling at me. I don't know what he's trying to say but he's very upset apparently#personal
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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like whats actually edating
#mind obviously went back to dnf like my mind always finds it here i'm in the dnf blog if i wanted to make another post i'd probably not be#doing it here Um anyway LIKE what is an internet relationship. the existance of a diferent medium means that what we understand by dating#is completely lost theres just not whatever courting or predating medium that kind of exist for people when they date? it obviously cant#develop naturally because the situation isnt natural but nature is dictated by what we're living#and dream more than george is peak new generation of chrnonically online tens#who have a difficult time adapting to social etiquete and well he also is unluckiest man alive but we're not talking about that. When we ar#forced to reinterpret what it means to be dating someone like the weird shift to not-friends we Theorize dnf Maybe coudl've had#makes total sense because its just not a common situation in the slightless. having a mayor key point of your life (figuring out youre#actually queer) be the talk of the month by a thousan people that Know making a joke at your expense will bring them attention is fucking#traumatizing#and that shit is just normalized by the context in which it is enacted????? AND WE JUST LET IT?????????AND NOBODY PAUSES AND THINKS WOW THI#IS KINDA FUCKED UP???????'#Dating is both a normative concept and a experience: we know what dating entailsbut we never actually#know how someoene else experiences it because theyre simply not us and thus we just dont know lol . anyway i lost the thread#dnf weirdest edaters ever i'll defend you forever
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Obligatory 9am work rant
#manager is not here rn which is great but someone said he might come in at 11 which is bad#the assistant manager is usually the one who comes in later which would also be bad but not as bad#i saw that a new baker was hired at the same store the only other baker works at so thats good#at least she wont be alone when i leave#my ingredients?????? STILL not here?????????#i got molasses last week but i need rye flour!!!!!! what the heck!!!!! i cant make cokies!!!!!!!!#i can make cakes so ig its .... ok..... enough. ...... what the heck#had a lil note left on my table with things to do from the manager which is pretty normal#said do this. make cakes. do that. remember to greet every customer you can do it :)#lol bro. god#it really annoys me that they keep saying EVERY CUSTOMER bc im honestly trying to a few a day#better than nothing and better on my anxiety#and i think that's kinda??? obvious???? like if they really cared about 'helping me manage my anxiety' it makes sense to start slow#but every time its. each customer every customer every person. i say its hard they say uwu you can do it#hello???????#well. im gonna think and pray about it all day and probably quit tomorrow lol#let's hope no one comes in at 11 that would be bad 😭 can i have some peace#she was a baker girl
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good morning! <3
#it's the day~~#i do have a story to post (that I've been saving for his anniversary so <33#but normal plans - i got to 55% exploration on the region I'm working on yesterday so more of that#i just dunno if i'm gonna do that new tower today or the underwater stuff first lol#(that gives away which region i'm working on doesn't it lol)#as for the rest of today...#i'll try to let him make his own posts but it depends on how my brain works today#plus i dunno how active he'd actually be on social media so lol#i'll probably also see if i can find some pics of him to reblog at some point ^^#anyways~#i hope you all have a good morning/night!! <3#morning rambles
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