#lets be honest who here put jisung’s name for y/n

[cupidcures]

When Tulips Kiss | Hwang Hyunjin SMAU

CHAPTERS: 𝜗𝜚 5teen | 6teen | 𝜗𝜚 7teen

WORD COUNT: 5.6k (not proofread)

wish you were sober

It was the night of 3RACHA’s album release album, and you were standing in front of Jisung’s house with your arm linked to Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s, you being in the middle. It’s been a hot minute since you last went to a party like this, so you were a bit overwhelmed. Actually, you’ve noticed that you were always at least a little overwhelmed when it came to being surrounded by a crowd of people you weren’t familiar with, but it was something you needed to suck up in order to have that full “college experience.”

The last time you were at a party like this, you ended up in somebody’s bed that you didn’t know. Scary. You didn’t even bother saying bye to him when you left in the morning, hell, you don’t even remember his name.

Parties, drinking, sex, and emotions. That sounds about right!

“Hey Y/N! So glad you could make it!” You heard a voice calling out to you, causing you to snap out of your thoughts. When did we get inside? Well whatever, we’re here now, might as well have fun.

“Hey, Chan! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” You smiled and unhooked your arms from your friends’, leaning into Chan and giving him a shoulder hug, as he returned it.

“Jisung and Changbin are in the kitchen making drinks. Those idiots are making all sorts of concoctions, so be careful with the amount you drink.” He chuckles before walking away to greet more people coming in.

“Are you drinking tonight?” Seungmin asked you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you leaned on his. Jeongin was long gone, you assumed he went to some of his other friends, or maybe went to the kitchen to drink already.

“Yeah, gotta get shit out my mind you know? Why don’t you drink too?” You nudged his side as he groaned in feigned annoyance.

“Me? Drink? Nah. At least not when everybody else is, somebody in the group has to look after everyone, and it’s me.” Seungmin shrugged as you pouted and dragged him along to the kitchen.

“I could stay sober this time so you could have fun! Let loose a bit!”

“It’s okay Y/Nnie, I appreciate it but I’d rather stay sober, to be honest. I like to have full control of myself and full awareness. So drink to your heart’s desire. I enjoy taking care of you guys anyway, as much as I hate to admit it.” Seungmin ruffled your hair as you whined, gaining a laugh out of him.

“Okay okay okay, you’re seriously the best Minnie. I hope you know we all love you so much.”

“Yuck, stop with all the sappy stuff.” He rolled his eyes but failed to hide the soft smile on his face.

“Yoooo Seungmin! Y/Nnie! If I didn’t know any better, I would assume you’re trying to take my wife away from me!” A voice, who you know as Jisung’s hollered out as you both looked in his direction before walking to him.

“You should keep a better eye on your wife then.” Seungmin joked before nuzzling his nose to your cheek as Jisung gasped dramatically, letting out a joyous laugh right after. He took a red solo cup from the counter before filling it up with the… “concoction,” as Chan described it, and handing it to you.

“Taste it,” Jisung smirked as you and Seungmin looked at each other with an uncertain look on your faces.

“Umm... Minnie!! A little sip won’t hurt. Why don’t you try it first?” You held the cup to Seungmin’s face before he fake barfed to the side. “Hell no.”

“Hey! I’m serious, it’s good!” Jisung crossed his arms in an attitude, looking to the side. Then, as quickly as he turned his head to the side, he turned back to look at you with pleading eyes. “Please taste it! It’s not poison I swear.”

“Okay okay okay I’ll taste it.” You laughed as he cheered and waited in anticipation as you took a sip. You widen your eyes in surprise before nodding at Jisung with an impressed smile.

“It’s good! What did you put in it?”

“I have no idea! Thank you for being my guinea pig wifeyyyyy~~~” Jisung grinned before running away as you took a sniff at the drink, trying to figure out what was inside of it. After a few minutes of thinking, you gave up on trying to figure it out and ended up chugging it all in one go. You squeezed your eyes shut and shuddered as the alcohol left its sensation down your throat, opening your eyes a few seconds later only to see Seungmin looking at you in worry.

“Woah. You took that like a champ. Are you doing fine? Do you always drink like this? I’m surprised you trust Jisung’s drink that much. Man doesn’t even remember what he put in it.” He rambled as you giggled and nodded your head to his questions.

“It’s actually pretty good! I like the ratio of alcohol to juice, it tastes better instead of just tasting like straight liquor you know? Not sure what that guy put in the drink, but it’s good.” You went to get more, but Seungmin grabbed the cup out of your hands and poured you more himself, proceeding to take a sip out of it. You waited to see his reaction as he took another sip and nodded in approval.

“You’re right. Too bad he doesn’t remember what’s in it, maybe I would drink more often if it always tasted this good.” Seungmin complimented, giving the cup back to you as you downed it all, once again.

“Damn, no hesitation.” He chuckled as you smiled shyly, the buzzing feeling slowly creeping up on you. Your cheeks started heating up rapidly, catching Seungmin’s attention.

“Are you okay? Do you need a seat?” He asked with concern laced in his voice as you shook your head.

“I’m just getting started, baby!” You booped his nose before pouring yourself another cup as he stifles a laugh.

“What are you laughing at?” You pouted as Seungmin raised both his arms up in innocence.

“Nothing! Let’s get you to sit on the couch though, just in case. You don’t drink like this often.” Seungmin wrapped his arms around your waist to keep you steady as you clung onto his shirt, letting him lead you wherever.

He was right, you don’t usually drink like this, let alone this fast. If you were being honest, you couldn’t forget about what you and Hyunjin talked about in the bathroom. You’ve kept it inside and haven’t talked about it with anyone, and it was getting to you.

But tonight, you intended to get fucking wasted. Why talk about it when you have alcohol?

Seungmin ushered the people shoving their tongues down each other’s throats off the sofa, gaining a nasty look from them, but he couldn’t give a fuck. He sat you down on the sofa and proceeded to take his jacket off to cover your thighs before sitting himself down next to you.

“What are we?” You asked jokingly as Seungmin rolled his eyes. Man, he sure does that a lot. You chugged your drink for the third time that night, and most certainly not the last. You felt the room spinning around you, your vision getting blurry.

Aaaaaand you’ve done it. Maybe you shouldn’t have drank so much in such a short amount of time.

“Want me to refill it?” Seungmin chuckled as you stopped to think about it. You should probably stop, but you weren’t drunk enough, so you nodded your head with a soft smile.

“Thanks.” He nodded back at you before taking the cup out of your hands and heading towards the kitchen.

“Are you guys always that cuddly? Am I blind to have never noticed it before?” A female voice talked to you as you turned to see who it was.

“Chuu! When did you get here? A few minutes ago?” You guessed as she nodded. Your eyes drifted from her face to her hand, which was connected to another person’s hand. Oh?

“Oh, who’s this?” You asked politely, referring to the slightly taller woman that Chuu was holding hands with, noticing how both their faces turned bright red. Ohhhhh.

“Y/N, meet Sooyoung! My girlfriend!” Chuu beamed as the girl next to her, Sooyoung, smiled and stuck her hand out as you shook it.

“It’s so nice to meet you! Take good care of her, she can get a bit crazy sometimes.” The three of you laughed together before it died down.

“We’re gonna get going now Y/N! Stay safe!” Chuu walked away hand in hand with her girlfriend, leaving you alone to your thoughts.

Where was Seungmin?

As if on cue, his hand landed on top of your head as he handed you the cup.

“Y/N, I know this is so sudden but something came up, and I’ve got to go. Can you take care of yourself??” You sensed the panic in his voice as you stood up to hug him.

“Yeah don’t worry about me! I’ll be fine just go! Let me know what’s going on tomorrow.” You reassured as he hugged you back and thanked you. He pulled away and pinched your cheeks, as he always does to say goodbye instead of waving, and left the party, but not before telling you to keep his jacket with you just in case you get cold. Seungmin was always looking after you, and it was times like that when you would think about the future, and how lucky his future girlfriend would be. He never hesitates to take care of you, even if you guys are arguing, and it has always been like this since you were kids. Now you were really alone. You decided to take little sips of your drink this time since you were already far gone enough, you had misjudged it when Seungmin asked if you wanted more earlier.

You observe your surroundings and all the people around you, watching how everyone is in their own world despite being in a room full of people. You enjoyed people-watching, it was always nice to see how people act differently and so uniquely. You watched the couples in the room, unwillingly of course because who would want to watch PDA? And you couldn’t help but think about how it was when you were in a relationship, and you found yourself missing it. Your brain automatically thought of Hyunjin but you quickly shut that thought down.

Why are you thinking of him? You drank the remaining drink in your cup before setting it down on the coffee table, leaning back down onto the sofa, and letting yourself sink in. You spotted Jeongin chatting with Felix and Minho, then Jisung with Chan and Changbin. Looking a bit more to your left, you found that Chaewon finally made it to the party! Though, she came with another friend of hers, Sakura? If you remembered correctly. Maybe it was the alcohol making you feel this way, but you felt lonely. Lonelier than usual. The air in the room was starting to feel stuffier and stuffier, so you went upstairs to where you knew Jisung’s balcony was and went outside to take a breath of fresh air. All the stars were sparkling and it felt like they were all closer, but maybe it was all the drinks playing tricks on your eyes. You were even able to see the planet of love, Venus, so you thought that was cool.

You don’t know how much time passed since you’ve been standing out here on Jisung’s balcony, but it was long enough for someone to notice and approach you.

“Y/N.”

Oh. That voice. You were almost completely certain that it was— “Hwang.” You mumbled without needing to turn back to see who it was as you heard their footsteps approach you and stood by your side, staring at the night sky as well.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” Hyunjin spoke softly before turning his head to look at you.

“Yeah, I agree. It’s so alluring, don’t you think?” You look back at him as the both of you lock eyes, and suddenly it feels like nothing else exists besides the two of you. Hyunjin takes this time to take in your features, something he wasn’t able to do for the past four years. A privilege, if you will. Your perfectly blushed red cheeks, and the shape of your nose. Your adorable eyes and the lips he loved kissing so much, it was all coming back to him. You had grown up so beautifully, there was no denying that. You have always been a beautiful woman, but it’s different now, and he doesn’t know how to explain it.

“Yeah, it really is alluring.” He murmurs, all his attention directed towards you. You smile up at him and he can feel his heart stop.

“What are you staring at?” You giggle quietly and look away, a bit flustered that he was staring for so long. But he couldn’t help it, who wouldn’t stare at you?

It was this night that gave him the feeling deep down inside that no matter how many years passed that you guys were apart, it will always be you. It has always been you. Will he ever admit it out loud? Hell no. At least, not right now…? He hates the fact that it’s still you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with, even after you had hurt him so fucking much in high school. His heart and his mind were always conflicting with each other, and his mind would win every single time. Hyunjin shrugged the feeling off, excusing his racing heartbeat and blaming it on how much he hated you. He didn’t care if it didn’t make sense, just as long as he was believing anything BUT the fact he was still in love. He told himself that he couldn’t be in love with you and that he SHOULDN’T. It was silly to get back together with someone who hurt you, but the confused and lost look on your face every single time he brought up the past messed with him. He wasn’t able to tell if you were playing dumb or not, but he chose to protect his heart and not give in to temptations, convincing himself that you were just playing dumb.

“So what brings you out here?” You asked the boy next to you, catching him off guard that you would still continue a conversation with him.

“Oh uh. I’m not sure. I just felt like wanting to get away from everyone else for a while. You?”

“Same.” You nodded, and the both of you stood in comfortable silence.

Well, you assumed it to be comfortable silence. But for you? Oh no. Oh no no no, your mind was flooded with thoughts going hundreds of miles per hour. You couldn’t think straight and your heart was pumping, you felt like it was loud enough for even Hyunjin to hear. You and Hyunjin were actually talking face-to-face with no tension between you guys, and all it did was take you back to when you were happy together.

“Do… do you wanna get out of here?” Hyunjin asked in a shy manner as you looked back at him and pondered before responding.

“Hm… sure. Why not? Lead the way, Hwang.” You accepted the offer as he smiled his oh-so-cute smile at you before gently taking your hand and leading you out the front door, to his car.

Hyunjin opened the passenger door for you and buckled you in before getting in the driver's seat to drive off to someplace quiet.

He’s only inviting you to go somewhere else because he didn’t want to be at the party anymore, and you were already with him so he might as well bring you along. Not because he felt the need to look after you while you were drunk and didn’t want to leave you alone or anything… nothing like that!

The two of you were silent the entire car ride, the only sounds in the car were the static coming from the radio and the hum of the car engine. It was peaceful though, and you enjoyed it. You felt like you could float away from how light you felt, the glow of the streetlights was a blur, as for everything else around you.

It didn’t take long, probably around 15 minutes, until the car finally came to a halt. Hyunjin turned the engine off and looked at you, checking how you were feeling.

“You feeling okay?” He asked as you turned your head to him and nodded. He gave you a small, subtle smile in response before getting out of the car and quickly going over to your side to open the door for you as you giggled at his actions.

“So what is this place?” You hummed, stepping out of the car and spinning around to look at your surroundings. Unfortunately, that didn’t help, as your vision was still impaired at the moment.

“I go here a lot whenever I need to clear my thoughts. Or when I just want to be alone.” Hyunjin muttered before placing his hand at the center of your back and holding your hand with the other, leading you to the bench and sitting you down.

“You could see the city lights from here, it’s a beautiful thing. Plus, the stars are brighter out here, so that’s nice.” He expressed and sat down beside you. He turned his head to look at you and admire your side profile, his breath hitching.

“You look….. decent,” Hyunjin mumbled as you looked at him as well, a darker shade of blush creeping on your cheeks, on top of the blood that rushed to your face due to the alcohol, and he chuckled at the look of it.

“Why’d you bring me out here?” You questioned and fiddled with your fingers, staring into the glint of his eyes, to his plump lips, then back to his eyes.

That action didn't go unnoticed by Hyunjin, and he could feel his face quickly heat up before clearing his throat. “I uh, just thought you might want to see it. Also, we’re friends by force.” You couldn’t help but let out a giggle at his last statement, and he laughed along with you. You felt so relaxed around him. Perhaps it was the alcohol? Contrary to feeling relaxed, it also felt like your heart could pump out of your chest. You don’t know what came over you, but you grabbed his hand and placed it on your chest, where your heart is of course.

Hyunjin looked away, flustered at your actions. Why would you put his hand on your chest? Are you testing him?

“Can you feel my heartbeat?”

Oh. Duh.

“Yeah, I can.” He spoke in an embarrassed tone, mentally scolding himself for thinking of something different. Out of all the things that Hyunjin was in denial of, one thing that he couldn’t deny was his physical attraction to you. You were the most beautiful being he had ever laid eyes on, and you still were. He hopes that you think the same way about yourself.

“Why do you hate me so much?” You slurred your words out before your head fell limp on his shoulder. Hyunjin stayed quiet for a while before finally answering, “You hurt me.” He rests his head on top of yours.

“How?”

“You already know.”

And it comes to a complete circle, once again. You sighed in frustration, you weren’t sure how to ever get his side out of him. No matter how much you asked, he wouldn’t tell you how you hurt him and it frustrated you.

“I don’t. I don’t know what I did to hurt you. But I’m still sorry nonetheless.”

Hyunjin hums in response but doesn’t answer to your apology in words.

The two of you cuddled under the starry sky, surrounded by the chilly night air. Friends do this kind of stuff, this is normal! You've cuddled with Seungmin, Chaewon, Jeongin, Chuu, and Jisung. But? Why does it feel so different now?

“Hyunjin?”

“Wow, you called me by my name for once.” He chuckled and held your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked under your breath, but you were certain that he heard you with the way he stiffened.

“Wha… what?” Hyunjin stuttered as you lifted your head and leaned in dangerously close. He felt your warm breath hit his face, and he could feel himself leaning in towards you as well, until he noticed it. The scent of alcohol in your breath.

Fuck. Hyunjin totally forgot you were drunk, and he cursed at himself for nearly kissing you. He stood up and ruffled his hair back, not looking back at you. “We should get going.”

You couldn’t help but feel disappointed when he rejected your advances, but you shrugged off the heavy, aching feeling in your chest and followed him as he walked towards the car. Even after all the built-up tension that you created between the two of you, he still opened the car door and buckled you in before tending to himself. You were well aware of how he was constantly sleeping around, as he’s very well-known and popular around campus. It only made you wonder if he treated every single girl he was with like this. You would be lying if you said that he wasn’t a gentleman, so you wouldn’t be surprised if he DID treat every girl like this, but little did you know that you couldn’t be any more further from the truth.

As Hyunjin started the car and began driving, you picked up your phone to check if any of your friends had texted you, and to no one’s surprise, they did.

“Hey, Hyunjin?” You called for his attention as he nodded and hummed to indicate that he was listening. “Can I… stay over tonight? My friend is bringing her girlfriend over and she asked if I could sleep somewhere else for tonight.” You asked coyly as he paused for a while, before nodding once more. “Yeah, you can stay over.”

You muttered a thank you and looked out the window, admiring the scenery. Before you knew it, you were knocked out and snoring softly.

When the sounds of your quiet snores reached Hyunjin, he looked over for a second to sneak a peek to confirm his suspicions, and he was correct. You did fall asleep, and you were sleeping soundly in the passenger seat. The passenger seat of HIS car. He chuckled silently and continued on driving, unable to wipe the fond smile on his face.

When Hyunjin finally pulled up to the house he shared with 5 other people. He got out of the car and went to the side that you were on, unbuckled you, and gently lifted you up in his arms, making sure he didn’t wake you up. Closing the car doors and locking it, he brought you inside as silently as he could so as to not attract any attention. After all, what kind of reaction would his friends have to see him carry the person he hates into his bed and tuck her in? They would probably accuse him of being in love. Yeah right.

When he finally brought you to his room and closed the door successfully without anybody noticing, he delicately placed you on his bed like you were a fragile porcelain doll, before heading to the bathroom to wet a cloth and making his way back to you. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he made sure to wipe your makeup off as gently as he could, and when he was finished, he threw the damp cloth in his laundry basket and untied your braids to let it all fall back in place.

Hyunjin stayed next to you for a while, admiring your natural beauty and your sleeping state, you looked so serene and peaceful. This was the first time in years when you didn’t look at him with annoyance in your eyes, and he was grateful. Your beauty never failed to fascinate him and leave him in awe, and he could slowly feel the cold exterior he has constantly shown you, melting away. You made him feel sick. So sick. He was usually so sure of himself when it came to what he wanted, but for you, it was different. He didn’t understand why his heart yearned for you, but it did. Your messy hair, your long eyelashes, and your slightly parted lips as you slept pulled him in even more, and he hated it. He hated the way you made him feel despite everything he did to try and move on from you. He hated how despite the amount of years that had passed, you still had him wrapped around your finger. He hated everything that you made him feel, and yet he’s here taking care of drunken you. He gave in so fast, and it’s pathetic.

Hyunjin lets out a sigh before getting up to grab you a shirt to change you into. Taking a deep breath in, he squeezed his eyes shut before undressing you carefully and so very tender. After successfully doing so, he pulled a fresh shirt over your head and shoulders as it covered all of you. He opened his eyes once he knew you were completely covered, proceeding to tuck you into his blankets and pulling a chair from his desk to the side you were on. He stopped to stare at you once more before hesitantly planting a careful kiss on your forehead as if he were scared to break you.

“I wish you were sober,” Hyunjin muttered quietly before sitting down on the chair to take your hand and intertwine your fingers with his, laying his head on top of your stomach.

“Friends do this kind of stuff. It’s fine..” He fluttered his eyes closed and eventually drifted off to sleep.

~

Sometime later, Jeongin wakes up in the middle of the night with a groan. His head was fucking killing him from all the drinking so he did the first thing that came to his mind, which was to go into someone’s room for hangover pills. The most sensible thing for him to do was go to the person who got drunk the most, and so he did. Exiting his bedroom and knocking on the door softly just in case he was sleeping.

“Hyunjin? Do you have any hangover pills?” Jeongin asked but was met with silence, and so he slowly opened his bedroom room, only to be greeted with a not so surprising surprise. Hyunjin was sleeping on a chair pulled up beside you with his head on your stomach, his hand holding yours, and your other hand entangled in his hair.

Jeongin slowly creeped out and shut the door while giggling and rolling his eyes. “I fucking knew it would happen.”

~

When you finally opened your eyes, you were met with a pounding headache and a throat dry as a desert. You could barely open your eyes when you sat up and looked around the room, but it didn’t look familiar to you, at all.

Oh right… You asked Hyunjin if you could stay over.

You rolled over and hid your face in his pillow, before rolling again for the last time and staring up at the ceiling. You didn’t remember much before asking him if you could stay, besides the fact that Hyunjin took you to an overview of the city, but that’s pretty much it. You were lightheaded and the consequences of drinking… whatever Jisung made… finally caught up to you.

At least you didn’t throw up last night, that would have been embarrassing. Where is Hyunjin anyway?

And as if on cue, the bathroom that connected to his bedroom opened up as steam poured out from being trapped in there. “Oh, you’re awake. I put a glass of water beside you and some hangover pills, you must be dying right now.” Hyunjin spoke casually as he stepped out of the bathroom, revealing his exposed torso with a towel covering his bottom half. Before you could even register that you were staring, practically drooling, he raised an eyebrow at you.

“Are you just… going to keep staring or are you gonna turn around so I could put some clothes on?” Hyunjin chuckled and you squealed and turned around, apologizing for staring. You took this time to take the pills with the water he gave you as you finished all the water in one go, probably what you should’ve done last night instead of alcohol.

“I’m finished, you can turn back around. Are you hungry? I could make you something real quick and bring it to you here, since, well, nobody knows that you’re here with me. The pills will probably upset your stomach if you don’t eat.” He informed as you agreed.

“Yes please.”

“Do you want anything specific?”

“Nothing, I’m fine with anything you give me.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back then. Stay right here.” Hyunjin leaves the room soon after that and so you’re left alone. You notice that he plugged in your phone for you, and you mentally thanked him for doing so before getting on it. You were scrolling on your phone for a while, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it, and you eventually got bored so you got up to explore the room. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t have done that considering the two of you weren’t close anymore, but that didn’t come to your mind. You admired the decor on the wall, as it was covered with portraits that you could only assume were painted by him. Hyunjin has always been into art and painting even while you guys were together. Instead of buying actual flowers and bouquets since you already have a lot, he would paint you all different kinds of bouquets instead. Hyunjin was truly one of a kind, and you smile fondly at the memories of when you were together.

“Y/Nnie~~” A voice from behind startled you as you turned around, only to find NOT Hyunjin, but Jeongin.

“Oh… hahaaaa… hi Innie…!” You laughed nervously and twiddled your thumbs as he laughed and hugged you, rocking you side to side.

“Did you guys sleep together?” Jeongin smirked slyly as you hit his shoulder in embarrassment, the poor boy yelping at the impact.

“No, we didn’t. I took care of her because all her FRIENDS,” Hyunjin appeared from behind him, pausing to give Jeongin a glare before continuing, “Left her all alone while she was drunk. I may hate Y/N but I’m not a monster. Do you know how dangerous it is to leave a drunk girl alone at a party?? I took her out to get some fresh air and took her here. I would never sleep with a girl if she’s not fully sober and if she doesn’t have the full capability to fully consent to it.” Hyunjin scolded Jeongin as he hugged you tighter, causing you to lose your breath.

“Can’t… breathe…”

“I’M SO SORRYYYY. I thought Seungmin was gonna stay with you!!!” Jeongin cried and hid his face in your neck as you looked at Hyunjin while giggling. “Look what you did!”

“He needs to know! That’s stupid and not everybody is as kind and wonderful as me.” Hyunjin praised himself with a smug look as you rolled his eyes. Jeongin pulled away before patting your head.

“Okay… I’m gonna leave so you two could be alone.” Jeongin winked and left the two of you laughing together.

“He’s so unserious.” You giggled more as Hyunjin laughed, nodding in agreement before passing you your food with a lap desk so you could eat properly.

“Now get back in bed so you can eat, and take a shower. You reek of alcohol, you’re lucky I let you sleep in my bed.” Hyunjin scoffed, going back to his “hateful” facade.

“Where did you sleep?” You questioned while bringing a spoonful of rice to your mouth and chewing.

“Beside you. Same bed. You were cuddled up next to me.”

You nearly spat out your food as Hyunjin fell to the floor laughing. Still just as dramatic as he was in high school.

“I’m kidding!! You should’ve seen the look on your face! I slept on the chair right there.” Hyunjin pointed at the chair that was pushed into the desk as you gave him a concerned look.

“What the fuck? That’s so uncomfortable, I wouldn’t mind sleeping in the same bed as you. I’d prefer that than stealing your bed from you.” You sigh, feeling bad that he most likely had the worst sleep of his life on that chair, not noticing the faint blush that decorated his cheeks as he clears his throat.

“Yeah well, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He mumbled before sitting down at the end of the bed. “Now hurry up so I can drop you off back at your dorm.. your friend must be worried that you’re not home yet, it’s already 3pm.”

You nodded at shared a smile with the boy in front of you.

Maybe being together isn’t so bad after all.

a/n: i finished this quicker than i thought i would lol! i hope you guys liked the fluff! don’t get too comfortable tho

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[keurimi]

[ 22:22pm ] – the world is out to get you

you kinda hate your mom right now for making you feel like the world is out to get you.

you sat on one of the swings in your neighborhood’s playground, trying to catch your breath. the tears that were once threatening to fall from your eyes were now dried up due to you running at a speed almost impossible for your own body to achieve.

you put your hand to your chest, gasping for air. you only had one person in your mind who can help you – park jisung, your best friend since god knows when.

you desperately tried to dial his number on your phone. he picked up immediately – of course he does – and as if it were magic, a sense of relief washed over you as you heard his voice.

it took him only minutes to find you in the playground.

“mom’s gonna kill me, y/n. literally kill me.” he huffed, putting his hands on his hips as he, who also sprinted to you, caught his breath.

“you didn’t have to come.”

jisung rolled his and sat on the swing next to you, the chains on the swing set startling you a bit. “it’s you, y/n. you know i’ll be here.” he replied, as if coming to your aid was the easiest and most obvious thing he could do.

he gave you a smile that makes his eyes turn into crescent moons, one of your most favorite expressions from him, if you had to be honest.

“mind telling me what’s wrong?”

you sighed, looking down on your feet. “mom and i got into a fight because of my college degree choices.”

he hummed. “she didn’t like your options?”

you shook your head. “she wanted me to take up engineering or something, like dad.”

“and what did you put?”

“journalism.” you pursed your lips. “she said there’s no money in that career.”

jisung shrugged. “i mean, she’s not wrong.” you glared at him and scoffed. “no seriously! you’d be filthy rich if you were an engineer. i mean, your dad’s already one, he can set you up with his peers or something and get you a job-“

“like a nepo baby?” you narrowed your eyes.

“exactly!“ he beamed. “like a nepo baby! god, how i wish i was a nepo baby, too. stupid family couldn’t break into the dance industry, now i have to make a name for myself.”

you can’t help but chuckle at jisung’s words. he has always had this weird way of making you forget your problems instead of actually giving you advice. to be fair, it’s not like jisung knows how the world works or what to do in complicated situations. after all, he’s just the same age as you, experiences the same things as you. he’s not the wise old man that can give you solutions. but his presence does give you comfort.

you were startled when you felt his thumb brush your cheek, wiping a tear you didn’t realize was falling.

“just do what you want, y/n.”

you sniffled. “they’re paying for my tuition, jisung.”

“then screw them. let’s just get a scholarship or something!”

you rolled your eyes and lightly slapped his arm. “it’s not that easy!”

“then . .” he paused to think. “we’ll convince your parents and we’ll talk to them together.” he grabbed your hand and gripped it tightly. “i’m sure they’ll listen, y/n. they can’t be that stubborn forever.”

you felt tears well up in your eyes again, and you just nodded. “thanks.”

jisung grinned. “anytime.” he intertwined his fingers with yours. you let out a sigh of relief. if the world was indeed out to get you, at least jisung’s there to run away with you.

a/n: not my proudest but i just needed to get bff!jisung out my chest

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

STOP EVERYTHING WDYM SHE USED TO CRUSH ON YANG

OH PLEASE same though if someone disappears I'm planning their funeral

I'M SOBBING I LOVE MY NCTHREE

SEONGHWA SENDING FLOWERS sorry yang i'm team ynsh now

poor yangyang akhdbjfnk

oh ewwwww stalker much?

SUNGHOONNNNNNN

oh my god o h m y g o d

why is he so scared of that's that's very...

oh- oh i'm going to sob team ynyy here we come again

~

OH NO YEONJUN I LOVE YOU BUT KEEP YOUR MOUTH S H U T

oh nvm okay collab

i say yangyang names y/n's contacts thing 1 and thing 2

~

nah if ncthree were on one team you'd have yangyang and y/n arguing with each other about not doing well and then mark literally acing everything and going ":D" while yn and yangyang just stand there staring at him

DEFEATED MALE LEAVES I'M WHEEZING

~

SKEEBALLLLL

YES HE'S LEGALLY ALLOWED TO FLOOR SOMEONE

the unstoppable besties on land but stoppable in the air and ocean

we love a man who is competent and can drive basically anything

~

HELP ME NCTHREE'S BEEN A BAD INFLUENCE TO MARK ADKFJN but yes johnny is daddy material

side note the 🥵 is the first thing that came to mind when i read that akbdfn

JIHYUN BEING THE MOM ADHKBJFN

johnny the daddy of nct 🫡

~

thanks for making me sob my team ynyy heart has been solidified

MANIFEST IT

he's at the ateez dorms i call it

I KNEW IT

yeonjun istg

...oh my that was-

~

okay shaving in your room's a big no-no

the colour combination i-

jeno i- i would be lying if i said i didn't laugh though adkbjfn

OH RIPPPP

"the one they call johnny"

oH

ohohohoh the plot thickens

DEAD LIFTS i literally feel dead after I'm done with them

OH MY GOD XIAO DEJUN

...you've got to be joking delusional fans are the WORST

god forbid jeno stands a bit closer to yn to prevent her from dying

OH WAIT THAT REMINDS ME OF THE SMALL YN'S BROTHERS POSTS AHHHHH

~

NOT THE CURSED POKEMON

no but how do people sexualise someone spotting someone else that's so-

~

HELP I JUST REALISED HOW ONG THIS GOT I'M SO SORRY ADHFJN

wE ARE BACKKKK

Also girl this is Season 1 content except homegirl got over it pretty quickly I mean you would too if you saw the shit she saw him do

LMFAOOOO

THREE IS THE STRONGEST NUMBER

Your rollercoaster of YNSH and YNYY is so fun to read (YNSH is obv up high while YNYY is down low cuz you know those two are going to hell)

From possible man to nobody's man for real

Funny you should say that

SUNGHOON

Lowk I would be too if I, a vaguely fresh idol, was told to hand a paper to an idol with a load of wack-ass rumors going on about her and everyone she was associated with i'd be hella nervous

WE BACK IN HELLLLL

~

Yeonjun will return in S3

We love collab stages!

STOP IT WOULD BE AHAHAHA alternatively Dumb and Dumber

~

Normally Mark has the brain cell but when they're together that brain cell gets confiscated so now all three of them are working off of vibes

HE KNEW HE COULDN'T WIN IT WASN'T EVEN WORTH THE SCREEN TIME

~

I'm such a BOSS at skeeball ngl like undefeated amongst the cousins

All those years of mario kart led up to this

*insert Eren pointing across the sea gif here*

The Kun-cult is a side plot I'm planning rn

~

Doyoung like "I knew I shouldn't have let my son hang out with those ruffians"

ME TOO LMFAO I SHOULD'VE PUT IT MISSED FREAKING OPPORTUNITY

That's MOMMY to you!

Not the job he asked for but the one only he could do

~

Oh now we stuck in hell I can't wait to drop the alternate

Jaemin probably fully knew Mars was at the ATEEZ dorm because he may or may not have been in the same situation Jisung was in before

HE MISSED HIS DAD'S SIDE

Ehehehehehe

~

and y'all wonder why (Y/N) moved on fast

Bro picked it up, smelled it, and put it on

RENJUN REALLY SOLD HIM OUT LMFAOOOOO

The only people Mars actually cares about is ANiMA let's be honest here he literally manipulated Jisung into letting him out

The plot is very thick

Ngl I can't even lift the bar on it's on

He held his hand up for a high five after that but no one noticed so he just clapped his hands together

Poor YN, fame isn't all she thought it was

*YN getting crushed while benching* *Jeno putting his hands up and walking away to avoid the scandal*

YESSSSS Lowk I've been running through them again to make sure everything's in line before S3 comes out

~

WHEN MEG SENT IT I HAD TO ADD IT

people who don't know gym etiquette that's who

~

IT'S OKAY I LOVE IT THANK U ROSE

[duckies-minsung-fanclub]

Chapter two of my Han Jisung fanfic!

Chapter two

It had been two weeks since you started your new medication, and honestly, you felt great. It even gave you a bit of extra energy during the day. The guys had been extra doting towards you for a few days, but once they realized you was fine, they let up.

The only one who was still clinging to you was Han. He would wait on you any chance he could, despite you insisting you were fine and that you could handle the tiny tasks.

Today was no different than the others. You had joined the guys, once again, at the dance studio and was joking around with them. Han stuck close to you, making sure he was right there if you needed anything. You had just finished learning a short, fun dance from Lee Know and was slightly out of breath.

“You did great,” Lee Know praised you as you tried to catch your breath.

“Thanks, that makes me feel good about it coming from you. I need a drink, though,” you began walking towards the mirrored wall to grab your water bottle, but Han beat you there and handed you the bottle.

“Here.” He mumbled as you took the bottle. He began to gently massage your shoulders as you guzzled the water.

“Thanks, Hannie, but you don’t have to cater to me. I’ve told you so many times, I’m better now. The medicine is doing its job.” You rolled your eyes at him.

He shrugged at you and smiled. “I know, but I want to make sure my princess is taken care of.” You shook your head at him. He began giving you pet names shortly after the incident, taking his flirting to a whole new level.

“Your princess?” Hyunjin teased. “I didn’t know she belonged to you, now.” He laughed as Han gave him a playful glare.

“I think the prince is just jealous,” he teased back. He then left your side to play fight with Hyunjin. You chuckled at them and took a seat next to Seungmin, who was laughing at the two boys.

“He won’t take a hint, will he?” Seungmin asked as he smiled at you. You sighed and shook your head.

“No, I guess he thinks he can win me over by babying me.” You snorted. “It won’t work. I’m not interested in dating at all. Learned from my past.”

Seungmin put his hand on your thigh and patted you a few times. “It’s not fair to you to let your past hold you back. Sometimes, that’s all it is; a lesson to be learned.”

“Wise words coming from a young one,” you mumbled playfully. “Honestly, I just don’t want to get hurt again. Not saying Han would hurt me, even on accident, but I was ruined after my high school boyfriend.”

“Felix told me some of it,” Seungmin looked at you with sympathetic eyes. “I guess he told me the worst part, but he was also trying to get his point across.”

To be perfectly honest, you weren’t mad at Felix. He told that secret to protect you. Even if he told all the guys you couldn’t get upset.

“Just don’t let your past ruin your future, Y/N. I’m not saying give Han a chance, but don’t give up on giving yourself a chance.” Seungmin gave your thigh one last pat before getting up and leaving you to sit and think.

He was right. You weren’t being fair to yourself. Moving on was part of the healing process, right? For years all you have done is sit and wallow in the emotional pain that relationship caused, refusing to move on from it and try again. Not everyone was like your ex. You just picked the wrong one the first time.

Still, you didn’t just want to jump at the first chance to date a guy. You wanted to take it slow and really work on making it a great relationship, one that would help heal you as well. Maybe Han would be a good candidate, and you really did love him, you just wasn’t sure if that kind of love could turn into a different kind of love.

You decided you would need more counseling about it. Maybe Chan and Felix could help you figure it out. They were always so good at listening and giving advice.

Before you could come up with a plan, you were interrupted by Han sitting next to you, still fighting off Hyunjin’s playful attacks. He leaned into your lap, laughing so hard he had tears falling from his eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh as well, their childish antics giving you an entertaining distraction from your thoughts.

You leaned away, worried Hyunjin would direct his pokes and jabs at you next. “How did I get roped into this?” You whined playfully.

Han gently pushed Hyunjin away and curled around you as if to protect you. “I’ll protect you, Y/N! I won’t let the evil prince hurt you.”

He gave Hyunjin a heroic glare before pulling you closer to him, causing Hyunjin to fall back with hysterical laughter. You giggled as well, wrapping your arms around Han’s body and acting out the scene.

“Oh, my hero!” You exclaimed sarcastically, giving him a small peck on his cheek. He tensed up. You watched as his face and ears began to turn a deep shade of red, giggling at his reaction.

Hyunjin laughed harder, pointing at you both. “Y/N kissed Han! Look at his face!”

This exclamation caught the attention of Felix. He looked over at you both and gave a confused expression. “Kiss?”

You rolled your eyes and waved him off, “It was a peck on the cheek. He was being my hero and protecting me from Hyunjin.” You shrugged. “Seemed fitting.”

Felix nodded and smiled before winking at you. “If we are giving out kisses for protectors then I’m ready for mine.”

You felt Han hold you tighter, realizing Felix was trying to get a rise out of Han. You decided it would be fun to play along and tried to break free from his grasp. Within seconds, Hyunjin and Jeongin pried Han from you and you ran over to Felix.

You were about to peck his freckled cheek when you were suddenly pulled away from him. The arm that was snaked around your waist was gentle but firm. You were easily spun around, now facing away from Felix, who was laughing so hard he was doubled over.

“Mine,” Han mumbled. He held you from behind and buried his face in your neck. You glanced up at Hyunjin, ready to beg for help, when you noticed his surprised expression. Jeongin had a similar look on his face making you wonder why they had those looks.

You craned your neck and found Seungmin’s eyes. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes wide, a surprised look gleaming from his eyes.

“Hannie?” You squeezed his wrist. “Are you okay?” He only nodded softly into your neck, but his breathing was heavy. You watched as everyone began walking to the opposite side of the room to chat, leaving you and Han alone.

You tried turning in his grasp, causing him to hold you tighter and protest. “No, I want to hold you.”

“Hannie, we were just playing around.” You sighed.

He shook his head, “I’m not playing around, Y/N.”

You stiffened at his words, realizing what he was saying. The peck was completely innocent to you, but what you didn’t realize was to Han, it meant you were coming out of your shell. He was slowly winning you over, and maybe he really was. Maybe you were actually thinking of giving him the exception to your no dating rule.

You didn’t want to hurt him, but giving him hope for a lost cause could destroy him. However, you still needed to talk to Chan and Felix, you would also need to talk to Han about it. You decided now could work, but you had to make it clear that you were still on the fence.

“Han, let me go so I can sit down. Please. We need to talk.” You gently pulled his arms from around you and led him to the couch that was only a few feet from you. As you sat, he didn’t look at you. He couldn’t. He was afraid of what you were about to say.

“I know you have feelings for me.” You whispered. He looked down at his hands that were resting on his lap and began playing with his fingers.

“But you don’t want to date anyone, I know. I was just hoping…” he glanced up at you before sighing and turning his attention back to his fingers.

You took a deep breath. “Actually, I was given some great advice and, even though I’m not sure what I’m going to do, I’m going to try and listen to that advice. I just need to think it through first. It’s scary and I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you- “

“I know,” you interrupted his protest. “I just need more time to think about it, and probably get more advice. I might decide not to take the advice, though. I’m broken, and I don’t want to break anyone else with me.”

Han looked at you and took your hand in one of his. He turned his body to face you and put his free hand on your cheek. “I would do everything I can to help put you back together, Y/N. I still want to show you that I can fix what he broke. I know it would be a challenge, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to show you.”

You couldn’t pull away. His words wove through your brain and made you feel something you hadn’t felt before.

Hope.

“I don’t know how to be in a real relationship, either.” You stated. “I just need a little more time to think about it and confide in someone. Please, just give me this and I promise you will be the first to know, Hannie.”

He looked into your eyes before nodding and leaning up to kiss your forehead. He got up and smiled down at you before jogging over to the others, leaving you alone to rack your brain with what you just did.

Deep down you knew, you did like him more than a friend. You were holding back, though, because of your past. And Seungmin was right, that wasn’t fair to you, but it wasn’t fair to Han either. You were content being his friend, but you wanted to have more than that. You wanted to have that happiness you thought you had in high school. You wanted real love. In order to have that, though, you had to have…

Hope.

[hwan-g]

Hi Mari!! Here I am again, ready to pour my heart out for another one of your characters. Oops...

Girl, what to say about you. One of those greatly underrated writers, a talent not yet discovered but shining so brightly you're bound to see it at some point. That's exactly what you are to me. A light. I'm SO glad I read Roses, and that I met you through Hyunmari. One of the best moments of 2022, witnessing your mind. The masterpieces it produces.

This is another one of those instances. A gem amongst rocks. Legitimately don't think you've written anything bad ever. At least not in my eyes. (I'm four chapters deep in 'Be My Mistake', expect lots of yelling about that as well.)

The way to my heart is surely through a Chan fic. I am quite literally married to this man and will never truly let him go. This? Top of the list, easy, and it all lies in the way you wrote him, so completely close to who he is, to how he feels, what he is for me and, I'm sure, for many others. A blanket. A safety net.

You open with one of the clearest images one can paint. I could see the MC getting in that bus, could see the nosy looks, the umbrella--you paint vivid scenery, Mari. Not everyone has this gift. You do. And the heaviness of a breakup, how it hangs over everything. I know exactly how that feels, and you just described it so perfectly. Could do this, could do that, but not right now. I don't feel like it now. It's just so real.

(Also, the little Changbin/Jisung beef. It made me chuckle, it was cute!)

The way everything stops. I don't know if anyone felt it, or if it's just me, but it felt like the world stop spinning, the noise seized when Chan called her name. It really brought everything forward you know? Like it made me focus, and it was definitely one of those "here we go" moments that I love so much. 'He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle.' I KNOW EXACTLY THE LOOK. EXACTLY THE SIGH. Ugh, I love when writing does this thing--you know the thing? I love it. I love your writing, Mari.

Let me hold back from literally quoting the entire paragraph where the MC is describing Chan because same. Honestly, truly. She said, 'But Chan. Chan.' Like girl, yes. Exactly. I like that they're not that close, for some reason it makes more sense that way. Like those crushes that stay in your heart for years because they just haven't been given enough room to bloom, and let's be honest--it keeps the charm alive, that mystery that makes a person attracted to another. I love beginnings, I love liking from a distance. It's exhilarating, and that's exactly how it felt here.

You remember every single hug he’s given you.  Always so warm.  Always at the right time. 

MARI, I LOVE HIM. :( Every day is Chan day, every minute of every hour is Chan hour. This relationship is so soft, so so soft, I want to hug them both and then marry them. They need to be together in my little fantasy world, holding hands and taking naps. Lots of them.

Now, we all know I'm a Jisung enthusiast so I can't not comment about the "honey" moment and him rocking you like a child. It made me tear up, DON'T ASK ME WHY OKAY I LOVE LOVE, I LOVE AFFECTION. And I also love the way it's Jisung saying this, I can almost hear his voice, and perhaps that's bad? Maybe see a doctor, Miu?

The hug. It's steady. Mari, please. You know exactly how to write people, exactly what words to use, and how to use them. If there's one way to describe Bang Chan is that. Steady. I'm sorry if I really focus on the details, but it's always the details that make a story for me. '“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear.' I can picture it, what sort of magic have you laced through this, miss ma'am?

I want to mention how much I would've appreciated a Chan at the parties I attended in the past. Someone that keeps an eye out for me, someone who offers to take me home if I need to go. And, of course, it stays authentic to his character, the caregiver, the person that takes care of everyone else and puts himself last. Can you believe he exists, out there, and we'll never meet him? At least like that? Life really is crazy.

It hurt me reading about the way San looked. It reminded me of when I first saw my boyfriend after our breakup. He only looked rough for a few days, and then he was a changed man. Old girl, new braids, new air, but also, everything I taught him, all I gave him digested, seeped through. That phase hurt so much. I understand the MC so much, I literally wore her clothes, became her, when reading that part. It sucks, but I'm glad she has friends around.

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before. 

God, how many of us have gone through this? Raise your hand!

'But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward.' In the middle of two beats, that's so beautiful, Mari!! Do you even realize that when you write? I wonder.

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

The torture I'm experiencing is not normal. Why can't I have him? Can I just have him? Can someone gift him to me, please? Because Chan cares. If Chan could, he would. He's just like, this unbelievable creature in my mind that gets romanticized more and more with each story I read and write about him.

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.”  Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter.  “We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.”  You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is. 

Life update--I'm eating wood. I'm doing great. This is fine. But on a for real note, though--it's something in the way you feel around for these characters. Feel free to correct me on this, and I would LOVE to know your way of navigating through scenes like this, and how you turn your thoughts into dialogue, but. In my mind, this would be the way Chan would speak. What he'd say, almost like he can't help it, and in the same way, he's an honest person. This Chan--he's my favorite, Mari. I'm extremely picky about him, but this.is.it for me, 100% and I've no idea how you managed to do it, and do it so freaking well.

But then I realize it's you, and your genius exceeds and transcends and then it's obvious, isn't it?

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess.  Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm.

I'll let this speak for itself. I mean what else is there to say about poetry.

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.”  “Not sure that’s true.”  “This is.” 

Beautifully flowing dialogue. Real, raw. The girlies are quaking, babe.

“So, I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands.  “To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.”

THE WAY I SQUEALED. WHO SAYS THAT. WHO WHO WHO WHO. I'm so in love, so delusional. Hahahahahaha IT'S FINE--

And how cute and flustered he gets talking about San breaking up with MC. sljfnfdgunjkn please, Bang Chan. Reject me so I can move on. This is so unhealthy. And the angst in general, it made me giggle like a schoolgirl! Not to mention the mental image of him driving a car, which, even though now we know he drives like a grandpa, still never fails to excite me in more ways than one.

But my mind paused on this-- 'For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time?' Because more often than not, I feel the same way. Time slips away from me, and it used to be worse when I was younger. I love this somber thought amidst the dialogue between them, it grounded me, and it let us know of the MC's clear struggle. And don't you think I haven't got the reference to the rain, ma'am, because I have, and I love it so much.

You want to move on, too. 

I want to hug her so bad. She's in so much pain, she feels left behind, she beats herself up for not getting over it faster--she's me, I'm her. I relate so much. I tend to sink into my darkness, and in a fucked-up way, I enjoy the hurt, I feel most comfortable when sad. But it also feels unfair when you're the one being left behind, and even though they both chose to break it off, I feel the sting of the one moving faster than the other.

And Chan, of course. Our knight in shining armor.

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

I want to scream about this, because yes? When it's about someone he loves he takes things so personal, and it's so endearing? Chan is definitely an empath; he feels too much. For everyone. Can't not be sensitive to the world and have insomnia, is it?

The confession. You really found the key shaped to fit the hole in my heart, and you used it to the maximum, Mari. "If I let myself go... I just might." I... are there even words to describe what this would possibly mean to someone if told to them face to face? It's so romantic, it's so brutally honest. I'm floored, absolutely devastated.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ” 

I hope you can make it to my funeral, bestie, cause you've killed me.

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers. “Just you and me,” you nod. 

I love this conspiracy; this hushed treaty between these two. It's precious, it's soft. It made me cry.

Your writing will always move me, Mari. It will always make me relate, and think, and feel. Your talent seeps through the skin, you can physically feel every word, every touch. You can taste the images, picture them. You're brilliant. I'm so so happy I get to call you my lovely friend. <3

falling rain

falling rain — one shot [ back to general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

�� bang chan x female reader, other stray kids members are mentioned/featured, as well as other idols (itzy’s yeji, ateez’s san, nmixx's lily).

• non idol au, friends to lovers. angst, fluff, post breakup sadness and melancholia. drinking. explicit language. smut, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex.

• word count: 11k (11,199)

You fell out of love. It happens. All you need is time to piece yourself back together. But as you and your friends meet for a movie night, you don’t expect your ex to be there - yet he is, and it looks like he’s doing much better than you do. Luckily, your friends are there for you - especially Chan.

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior​ ; @upallnight-s​ ; @changbinluvr​ ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan

• story taglist: @tanyas97 ; @hyynee ; @moonlightcandy00 ; @drhsthl ; @flakeisthebest

• author’s note: Here it is! Thank you for your support on the preview, I am so glad you guys liked it and were excited for the full story. I hope you enjoy it! Take care <3

The rain is cold against your skin. 

You look up at the sky through your transparent umbrella. Swirls of pale gray cover the horizon, blurred by drops of rain sliding down the plastic material. It was darker earlier - the rain will stop soon. 

The bus stops in front of you, its brakes squeaking. You close your umbrella and get on, sitting where you usually do, at the back, next to the window. Placed between your legs, your umbrella is getting your jeans wet, but you don’t care. You close your eyes, letting the music in your ears soothe you. You’ve been taking the same bus route everyday for years, so you know exactly how much time you have before your stop. It’s not like you’re afraid of falling asleep, anyway. You never sleep in transportation, and it’s not like your mind has been able to rest easy recently. 

Your playlist transports you through melancholic melodies, pianos and violins lulling your senses. Your favorite songs do not let you forget the ache - they remind you of it, softly, tenderly. That’s what you want, anyway. 

You’re not interested in forgetting. You just want to heal.

When you open your eyes, your stop is a minute away. You press the button and get up, ignoring the inevitable looks of the other passengers on the bus. People are always staring. Always judging. Often, you care. These days, not so much. You can’t control them, what they do, what they think. They’ll see the shadows under your eyes, the pale skin, the chapped lips, and they’ll tell yourselves, she isn’t sleeping much. She looks terrible. She must be going through something. 

So what if I am, you want to tell them? Aren’t we all? 

When you step off the bus, it’s barely raining anymore and you decide not to open your umbrella. You let the rain slide through your hair, against your hands. You’re so cold but you’re used to it. You haven’t been able to warm up in a while. The rain feels good, actually. It makes you aware of your body, of your skin. As you walk towards your apartment building, you tilt your head backwards and let the rain fall down your cheeks like tears. 

Daylight has almost vanished when you unlock your apartment door, and you step inside with a sigh. You’ve grown to hate this place so much, but there is nowhere else to go. You should look for another apartment, but moving seems like an insurmountable amount of shit to go through and you just don’t have the energy. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe. 

You start by taking a shower, the boiling hot water contrasting with your icy cold skin. You wash your hair, apply lotion. Your movements are slow but you get there eventually. Wrapped in your bathrobe, you open your closet and stare at your clothes. It’s not that you hate them, you just have no idea what to choose. You’re not going someplace fancy, so you end up slipping on a simple pair of jeans and a warm sweater. 

You should probably eat something, but your stomach is in a tight knot. There will be food at Yeji’s place, anyway. 

As you check your phone and realize you still have some time before you have to leave, you let out a long sigh and sit on your bed. You’re not sure you really want to go, but your friends organized this movie night a while ago and they are excited for it. Yeji’s place is perfect for it - she has a projector, which allows the movies to play as wide as the wall. Everyone has been tasked to bring their favorite snacks and drinks. It’s going to be a chill night, and you’ll be happy to see your friends, but everything feels exhausting. 

You promised you were going to be there. So you will go. 

It’s not like they will bother you, anyway. They all know you pretty well, although some more than others, but they are all aware of what is going on with you. No secrets to have. Still you don’t want to be a bore, and you know you’ll do your best to smile throughout. It’s not that they want you to - but you’ll still do it. It’s just who you are. 

At least he won’t be there. Yeji said he wouldn’t - had plans already, apparently. It would be okay if your ex was there - actually, you’ve seen him a couple of times already since your breakup. But you need to be in the right mindset - and today you aren’t, so it’s good he’ll be absent. 

You let out a long sigh and stand up to dry your hair. 

You apply simple makeup, a bit of eyeliner, some mascara. You put on your favorite necklace. You decide to wear perfume. Little things to make you feel better, like you aren’t crippled inside, like you don’t have a decaying organ in your chest. It’s recent, that you’re able to do that. A week ago you would’ve showed up in sweatpants and messy hair. 

Little steps. 

As you grab a tote bag to fill it with the snacks you bought yesterday, you get a text from Yeji. 

Everything okay? 

Come anytime <3

She’s checking up on you and you’re grateful for it. Not a lot of people do, not even your closest friends. You don’t blame them - you haven’t been good company and sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Some of them have been anxious that your breakup with San will mess up their friend group, and in fear of seeming like they’re taking sides, they just decided not to say anything. They take care of you differently - but sometimes you hate that they can’t talk about it with you. 

Yeji doesn’t do that. She’s been there for you at every step - and it’s not because she blames or dislikes San. It’s just different for you and her, because your friendship not only goes way back when your friend group got together, but also way beyond. 

Leaving in 5, you text back, and she sends a heart emoji. 

Once you’re ready, you slip on your jacket and stare at your reflection in the hallway mirror. You look your normal self, except for the obvious exhaustion on your face, and the slightly vacant look in your eyes. 

You can do this. 

You won’t let your stupid, broken heart define you or your life. 

When you get to Yeji’s, she pulls you into a tight hug. A few people are already there - Jeongin is already snacking on a huge bowl of popcorn, talking to Lily, who’s on her phone scrolling down Pinterest boards. Changbin and his girlfriend, the newest addition to your friend group, are bundled up under a blanket on the couch and wave at you. 

You follow Yeji to the kitchen, putting the cans of soda you brought in the fridge, adding your snacks to the pile on the counter. 

“You look really pretty,” Yeji tells you with a smile. “Is that the sweater we got together the other day?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m still not sure about the color, though.”

“No, it suits you. I promise.” 

You give her a sincere smile as she empties a bag of potato chips in a bowl. It’s quiet in the apartment, but you know it won’t last very long - except for Changbin, the loudest people have yet to arrive. 

“How was work today?” Yeji asks. 

“Fine,” you shrug. “Boring.” 

She gives you a long look. 

“You know you don’t have to stay there, right? You can find something else. With your skills it would be easy -”

“I know, Yeji,” you say in a low voice. “But not right now.” 

You play with your nail polish, chipping a small piece from your thumb. 

“Right now boring is good,” you nod, your voice a little more firm. “When I can focus more, I’ll look for something else. Promise.” 

She smiles, taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to waste away where you don’t belong. You’re worth so much more.” 

“I appreciate it.” 

You put your head on her shoulder for a second as Jeongin’s laugh resonates through the apartment. It’s a sweet and familiar sound, and you start to believe it was a good idea to come. 

Grabbing the filled bowls of potato chips, you and Yeji join the others in the living room. You sit down next to Jeongin, who quickly shows you the funny puppy video Lily has shown him, and you giggle at the screen. As Yeji starts to set up the projector, the door opens on a few more of your friends and you know it won’t be quiet anymore. 

Chan, Jisung and Minho are yelling about something, raising the volume of the conversation a million dozen decibels, and you shake your head at the sight of them. Chaotic and loud as they are, even in your state you are grateful for them, because whatever the circumstances they can always make you smile, or, at least, provide welcome distractions. 

They drop down in the remaining spots, either on the couch or the floor, Minho diving his hand down Jeongin’s popcorn bowl and Jisung arguing with Changbin about the type of beer he bought - of course, as usual, Jisung’s only answer to Changbin’s complaint is a simple traitor. 

“THIS AGAIN…” Changbin yells at the top of his lungs. 

You can’t help but smile. That game has been going on since Changbin moved out of his apartment with Jisung and Chan to move in with his girlfriend - Minho took his spot since, and there really isn’t any bad blood between them, but Jisung loves to remind Changbin how he abandoned them. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Minho says, sitting down between you and Jeongin. You took the spot at the end of the couch, a blanket covering your legs. “How’s it going?” 

“I’m okay,” you say with a smile. “What about you?” 

“Fantastic. Did you check out that link I sent you?” 

You start to talk a little - you and Minho work in a similar domain and it’s always nice to exchange ideas and anecdotes. You find yourself immersed in the conversation, the noise of all your friends chatting and laughing mixing into a background noise you can’t get enough of - it definitely helps the black hole inside your chest. You don’t feel so cold, you don’t feel so empty. You know it won’t last, and reality will catch up to you quickly, but for now you allow yourself to relax. 

“Y/N.” 

You turn towards Chan, who has stopped at your level. He’s smiling kindly at you, looking a little tired - but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Like you, Chan barely sleeps. Neither of you can stop the ceaseless train of thought in your heads - while you stare at the ceiling, Chan works. 

“Hey, Channie.” 

“You want something to drink?” 

“Yeah, maybe a soda.” 

“Cool, coming right up.”

“Oiiiii, what about me?” Minho whines. 

He asks for a can of beer, followed by Lily who has finished her previous one, and soon everyone is yelling at Chan to bring them something to drink. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle. 

“Let me help you,” you say, standing up. “Y’all are lazy,” you add, squinting your eyes at your friends. 

Their protests all tangle together and you laugh, following Chan to the kitchen. 

Your friends. 

They are all precious to you, all in their own way. 

But Chan. Chan. 

The first time you met him you felt your heartbeat accelerate because he looked so damn charming. A kind smile, eyes like stars, and an energy that immediately soothed you. It did not take long for you to develop a crush on him. How could you not? He was kind, funny, talented, and smart. He truly cared for the people in his life and never broke a promise. Handsome, too, of course. The kind of guy that made you weak in the knees, that sent your thoughts reeling whenever he touched you. 

Your crush had always been one-sided though, which was fine. You had quickly worked to overcome your physical attraction to him and made it a priority to develop your friendship. Because Chan understood you. You found yourselves exchanging looks and agreeing on similar things often enough so that one day, you sat down next to him during a party to ask for advice and you ended up talking for hours, forgetting to get drunk like everyone else. 

You are not particularly close. You don’t know everything about each other. You mostly see each other with the rest of your friend group - rarely alone. You don’t text each other everyday - in fact, you barely do. But he’s a steady presence in your life, a friend you rely on, and you know it’s the same for him. 

Tonight, you’re especially grateful for him. 

Chan gives you a smile as he opens the fridge. 

“I like your sweater,” he says, handing you a pack of sodas. 

You put it on the kitchen island, smiling. 

“Thank you. I like your earrings. Are they new?” 

You’re used to Chan wearing his silver hoops, but today he’s sporting a simple black dot on one ear, a small lightning bolt on the other. 

“Yeah, I felt like a change,” he nods. “They say it’s good for us, right?” 

“I guess,” you answer simply. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.” 

You exchange smiles, gathering all the desired drinks slowly. You glance at him sometimes, at the angle of his nose, at the dark curls that brush his ears. Your crush on Chan eventually faded away, although never entirely. You have just buried it so deep inside you sometimes you forget it is there - you haven’t thought about it for a long time.

Then again, your heart has been entirely occupied by San. 

Heart.

Body.

Soul.

All of which lay in pieces, now. 

Chan must see the shadows in your eyes, because he frowns a little, looking intently at you. 

“Is something wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to shake the bad thoughts away at the same time.

“No, no, don’t worry.” 

Chan gives you a smile and a short nod, although he’s still frowning. He can feel you don’t want to linger on it - you hope he knows it’s not that you don’t trust him. Besides Yeji, Chan is perhaps the friend you trust the most. 

You remember every single hug he’s given you. 

Always so warm. 

Always at the right time. 

He probably doesn’t know some of them gave you the strength to hold on. The most recent one, about two weeks ago. 

“Can I have another one, please?” 

The barman gives you a nod and turns to prepare you another beer.

Besides you, Yeji gives you a long look. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” 

“Just one more,” you tell her, lifting an index. 

She smiles, throwing an arm around your neck. She keeps a close eye on you - that’s why you feel comfortable to indulge in another drink. You need it, after all. Since your breakup with San, you’ve barely touched alcohol, choosing instead to drown in snacks and utter isolation. 

So for your friend, it’s a step forward that you’ve agreed to come tonight. 

It’s just you, Yeji, Chan and Jisung. A quiet night at the local pub. 

A few beers, a board game.

When you have a new full pint, you and Yeji head back to the table and sit down. All of you decide to play another game, and Jisung starts shuffling the cards, telling you some dumb joke. You know he’s doing that to make you feel better, and it works. You find yourself smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little. 

You place your head on his shoulder, affectionately, and cross Chan’s gaze. He’s smiling, too, fondly. 

Your friends are talking and your heart hurts so fucking much.

You miss San. You’ve fallen out of love a long time ago, you now realize, but it’s still painful. You have to start over. You have to find yourself again. It’ll be long work - but you’ll do it. And as you look at your friends, you think to yourself they will make it easier. You’ve been drinking a little, and the emotion swells in your chest. 

“Y/N, don’t cry!” Yeji cries out, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

You have not even realized you are crying. You touch your skin in surprise, letting out a giggle.

“Awwww, no, honey,” Jisung says, drawing you in his arms. 

He rocks you like a child and you laugh as more tears drip down your eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” you say. “I love you guys so much.” 

“Nooo, you’re gonna make me cry too,” Yeji cries out, taking your hand.

“I know it’s not… Not easy for you, because San is your friend, and…” You sniffle. “I don’t want this to be difficult for you.”

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Jisung whispers. “We’re your friends, too.” 

“We’re here for you,” Chan nods. 

Crying and laughing at the same time, your friends decide to keep playing to get your mind off of things. You’re grateful.

Yeji wins, of course. She always does. Once all your beers are finished, you agree to go. Chan will drive Yeji home - he’s only had one pint. Jisung lives close to you, so you decide to walk together. 

You say goodnight to Yeji. She places a kiss on your cheek, squeezes your hand. Chan draws you into a hug. 

It’s so loving. So steady. 

It takes the breath out of your lungs. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear. “I’m here if you need me.” 

You’re too dumbstruck to reply. But you know you’ll remember those words for a long time.

You do. 

You still remember the words - you can still hear them. 

He’s here.

He loves you.

Like a friend, of course. 

But that is more than enough.

“Y/N?” 

Chan’s voice brings you back to the present. You shake your head and chuckle.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought.” 

He nods, biting his lip nervously. “By the way, I wanted to ask. There’s this concert next -” 

That’s when you hear the door open - followed by a voice.

His voice.

Your blood freezes in your veins, and you stare dumbly at Chan, unable to move. 

You feel like bursting out in tears. No, no, no. 

Not him, not tonight. 

You feel Chan’s eyes on you. Yet, you don’t really see him. He delicately puts a hand on your wrist. 

“Y/N…” 

You try to gather your thoughts. You should’ve prepared, just in case. You feel so stupid. Of course it was all going too well. 

You’re startled when Yeji bursts in the kitchen, puts her hands on your shoulders and seeks your eyes. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, honey -” 

“What the hell?” you hear Chan mutter next to you. “I thought he wasn’t supposed to come.” 

“He wasn’t,” Yeji hisses. “I swear, he told me he couldn’t.” 

“Fuck’s sake, this dude…” 

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. 

Slowly, you look up at your friends, gathering a smile. 

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice clear. You take Yeji’s hands in yours, nod at her. “I’m fine.” 

“Y/N…” 

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ll be fine.” 

You look at Chan next, and you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest. There’s something in his eyes you can’t identify, a spark that is also a shadow. He’s frowning, his body slightly bent towards you, like he’s about to pull you into a hug. You clear your throat and nod, praying to all you can not to let your voice tremble. 

“It’s all right,” you say. “He’s our friend. He should be here.” 

And to some degree, you mean it. 

Yeji gives you a tight hug, and you can hear Chan let out a long sigh from behind you. You can’t linger on it - you have to focus on yourself. 

Stay calm. Breathe. 

You can do this. 

The breakup was hard for the both of you, you remind yourself. You loved each other, you really did, that much you’re sure of. San was never that good of a liar. You have a much more vulnerable nature than him, which was always a source of conflict between you, but you know your breakup affected him. You remember the tears in his eyes. The vein in his neck, pulsing, as he held them back. You remember the way his hand clenched yours. The way his words came out broken from between his teeth. 

It’s over, isn’t it? 

You fell out of love. 

It happens. 

You take a deep breath. You still want San to be your friend. You’ve agreed that you would try, and you intend to follow through on your words. 

You take a step to follow Yeji back to the living room, but Chan puts a delicate hand on your shoulder. You turn around, plunge your eyes in his. You’ve always thought of them as a haven, a night sky full of stars, both deep and bright.

He stares at you with a clenched jaw and a furrowed brow. He smells as he always has, a smell you’ve wanted on your pillow for so long - and it still makes you slightly dizzy although you know there’s no chance with him. 

“If at any moment you want to go home, tell me, yeah?” he whispers to you. “I’ll drive you.” 

You’re a little entranced by the soft lines on his full lips and the way his low voice scrapes - but you manage a nod, after what feels like a long second. 

“Thank you.” 

He nods, gives your shoulder a squeeze and lets you go. The warmth of his hand lingers there, and it gives you courage to move forward. 

San has already taken a seat next to Jisung and glances at you when you walk into the room. Your friends are kind enough to keep the conversation going, so the room doesn’t fall silent, but your heart sinks at the bottom of your chest. 

Because San doesn’t look tired. He doesn’t look sad. 

In fact, he beams. 

Eyes sparkling. 

New clothes, new watch. 

A smile so wide it slices right through your heart. 

Fuck, he looks so happy. 

You have to bite your tongue so you burst out crying. You stagger a little bit, but Chan is right behind you and it prevents you from falling back. His warmth, the voices of your friends, everything makes it better. 

“Hey,” you manage to say, although you’re not sure how. “You look good.” 

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before. 

It’s abundantly clear - your ex has moved on. 

It’s not that you still have feelings for him - you just need time to grieve what you had. San was a huge part of your life for a long time, and suddenly he isn’t there anymore. That absence, that void, that’s what is difficult to deal with. Being so goddamn alone all the time. No one to make you feel loved. No one to love, either. 

You’re still putting yourself back together. 

You’re still healing. 

Not him. He’s done it. 

You should be happy for him, and in a way, you are. You’re not mad he’s moved on. But it happened so quickly. It hasn’t even been two months. You were together for more than a year. Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re bitter. But mostly it hurts. 

How long is it going to take you? Why are you so goddamn sensitive? 

You breathe out and help Chan bring everyone their drinks. San’s laughter is a haunting melody and you can’t wait for the movie to start so you can think about something else. You take your previous seat, and Jeongin rubs your back affectionately, offering you the bowl of popcorn. 

Chan sits at the opposite side of the room. Pathetically, you wish he was still next to you. Instead you focus on the images that start playing, projected on the white wall in front of you. It’s a movie you’ve already seen, but that’s ok. It’s not like you can really focus, anyway. 

Because all you can see is San. Funny, clever, happy. You know him, you’d know if he was pretending, but he isn’t. He’s liberated. It’s the only word that comes to mind. You wonder for how long you’ve been bringing him down. If he realized it and hated you for it. If he couldn’t wait to get rid of you. If he was just looking for an excuse and -

You close your eyes and put a stop to the intruding thoughts.

No. It wasn’t like that. 

Was it? 

You don’t know anymore.

You barely follow the movie because your thoughts keep spiraling. Around you, your friends are chatting, making jokes, and commenting on the movie. Jisung’s laugh is so loud it takes over sometimes and you take refuge in it. But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward. You stare into nothing. You don’t even touch your soda. The popcorn, either - so you hand it back to Jeongin. His presence feels good, too. 

You hate yourself for being unable to live in the moment. For letting your mind wander like it is, dizzy and unkind. 

In the movie, people say what they think. 

In the movie, loving doesn’t seem so hard. 

In the movie, it doesn’t rain. 

It’s a blessing and a curse that everyone is watching the movie, and that you’re sitting in the corner, in the dark. Your eyes are filled with tears and suddenly one escapes and slides down your cheek. You fidget in your seat, faking a yawn to wipe it away. You pull the blanket over your trembling body. You laugh when the others do, although it’s heartless. Nobody notices - or so you think - and it’s a good thing. 

You try to focus on the movie. It’s entertaining, it’s funny, and for a minute, maybe, you succeed in feeling better. Then you see, from the corner of your eye, San pulling out his phone. He stares at the screen, and in the dark, its blue light illuminates his face. He smiles at it and types a few words. You know that smile. Fuck, you were that smile, once. 

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

You shake your head slowly, forcing a smile. I’m fine. I’m fine. 

He nods. He doesn’t believe you. 

You stand up on shaky legs and head to the bathroom. Once you close the door, you don’t even open the light. You wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of your own reflection. You just breathe out, breathe in, and then breathe out again. The tears fall down your cheeks, warm. They taste bitter on your lips. 

Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you move on, be happy? 

You take a few minutes to collect yourself. It’s fine - you don’t mind seeing San. It’s good, if, unlike you, he’s able to rebuild himself. It’s all you wish for him, and you know it’s all he wishes for you, too. He’d probably be honestly sad to know you aren’t doing well. You can never tell him, of course. You’ll pretend as well as you can - you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with him for now. You’ll keep it for yourself, shamefully, selfishly. 

It will be fine. 

You’ll get over it. He did, so why not you?

Once you feel ready, you head out the bathroom, and Chan is there, leaning against the wall. 

“Oh, shit, sorry,” you chuckle. “I didn’t realize someone was waiting. Did you -” 

You stop as Chan puts his hands on your shoulders and pulls you to him. You fall into his arms, and you’re a little shocked so you don’t move at first. Still, Chan holds you there. You stammer. 

“C-Chan, I’m okay, you don’t have to -” 

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.” 

Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter. 

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.” 

You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is. 

You are friends. 

You’ve been for a long time. 

Despite your crush on him, despite the awkward period where he was aware of it but didn’t say anything, despite all of that, you are friends. 

But Chan has always been more than that for you.

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess. 

Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm. 

You like the feel of his arms around you. The way his chest moves as he breathes. The texture of his t-shirt. 

Oh, God. Not again. 

You can’t let your crush come back running. You’re just sad. You’re just lonely. It wouldn’t be fair to Chan, would it? He’s your friend. He’s not a pretty face you can choose to lust over whenever you’re lonely. 

Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N. 

Don’t do that to him.

Chan is your friend and he is only trying to be here for you. 

“Do you want to go home?” he whispers in your hair. 

You take a deep breath and nod. Chan takes a step back, smiling kindly at you. You do the same, although it’s a little faint. He bends his knees slightly to be at your height, gently rubs your cheeks to remove the tears and replace your hair. 

“Let’s go, then, love.” 

You don’t have time to gawk at him for using a nickname he’s never said before, because he turns and waves at you to follow him. 

He tells your friends you’re feeling a little sick and he’ll drive you home. You say there’s the flu going around at the office, and you hate lying to your friends, because you know some of you will believe you and some won’t. Right now you don’t really care - even if they all knew it was a lie, they wouldn’t judge you. You make sure to not avoid San’s eyes and smile at him. You don’t want him to start asking questions. 

You get your things. Yeji gives you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you promise you’ll text tomorrow. You nod, squeezing her hand and glancing at your friends. There will come a day when you’ll be yourself again. 

You just need time.

Time and a lot of courage.

When you step outside, with Chan right behind you, you realize it’s raining again. You look up at the sky, now a profound black painted by hints of grey clouds. You run to his car, the rain heavy and cold.  

The car is clean and smells nice. Chan pulls back his hoodie, starts the engine and drives away as you look back at the apartment building. You wish you were stronger. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan says, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping on his thigh to the rhythm of the song on the radio. 

“Do you?” you tell him with a smile. 

“I do,” he nods, matching your smile. “You’re telling yourself you should be stronger.” 

You gawk at him, feeling both embarrassed and scandalized. He shrugs. 

“Didn’t I ever tell you I can read you like an open book?” 

“Tsk,” you retort. “Wasn’t that when we played Mafia?” 

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.” 

“Not sure that’s true.” 

“This is.” 

You glare at him and he does the same, playfully. You feel much more relaxed now that you’re here. It was always easy to talk to Chan - never does that change, whatever the circumstances. You are much alike in that you tend to put others before yourselves, often at the sacrifice of your own feelings. For some reason, though, that didn’t work between you. The walls immediately fall apart.

“So I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands. 

“To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.” 

“And you had your eyes on me tonight?” you ask without thinking. 

“Of course,” he answers, stopping the car at a red light. “I stayed sober, kept a close eye on you. Just in case.” 

You wince. “Just in case I started crying hysterically or made a scene?” 

He shakes his head, looking at you. The red light reflects on his face, enveloping the car in its hue. The rain thumps on the car in soft sounds. Chan’s dark hair is messy on his head, charmingly curled at the tips. 

“More like in case he did something,” he eventually says. 

“Why would he?” you ask with a frown, assuming he’s talking about San.

“Well…” Chan sighs. “He can be a dick sometimes.” 

You’re surprised by his words - you never would’ve thought that Chan disliked San. On all accounts, they are good friends. Chan chuckles nervously at your look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I know you were a thing for a long time, but… It’s just what I think.” 

“Did he do something?” 

Chan shrugs. “It’s just a feeling. Never really did anything. Except breaking up with you, of course.” 

You scoff. “He’s an asshole for breaking up with me?” 

“Yeah,” Chan stammers. “Just - like - who would ever let a girl like you go?” 

His words don’t make a lot of sense to you. They come to you muffled, as if you are plunged in a dream or in a drunken state. You honestly can’t believe your ears. 

“What are you -” 

He quickly waves his hand, looks away from you to the road ahead - and fortunately for him, the light turns green, so he has a good excuse to change the subject. 

“Don’t mind me. I’m just rambling.” 

You really don’t want to let this go. Your heart is racing, and you honestly wouldn’t know San’s name if someone was to yell it in your ear right now. All you can see is Chan, his tightened jaw, gripping the wheel of his car, driving you home. His words echo in your head, and you’re trying to put everything together. 

Did you miss something? Clearly, Chan has something on his mind, an itch he can’t scratch. Have you been so intoxicated by your grief and sadness that you blacked out? You haven’t been a good friend, that much you know. You just wanted to feel better, first. You were of use to no one feeling this sad and broken. But Chan’s agitation has clearly been there for a while. How long have you been this blind? 

You open your mouth, trying to find the right words. Chan, what is going on?

Chan, are you angry at me?

Chan, please, tell me what’s on your mind. 

You sigh in frustration. You’re silent for a while, your thoughts spiraling, and just when you’re just about ready to ask, your phone rings. You glance at the screen instinctively, and San’s name is like a slap on the face. 

Are you okay? he asks in a text. Tell me when you get home. 

Hints of your boyfriend. Remnants of the past. The text feels like a ghost is speaking to you. It makes you angry. It makes you ache. 

You might not love San anymore, but you miss him. 

“Are you okay?” Chan asks.

“Yeah,” you nod. 

You’re about to say you’re fine, which has become an automatic response, but you remember what Chan said. I can read you like an open book. So instead, you take a deep breath. 

“It’s San,” you explain. “He’s asking me if I’m okay and to text him when I’m home.” 

Chan scoffs, and there is nothing amiable in the sound. “The guts on this guy,” he mutters. “I’m literally driving you and he knows that.” 

You frown, sensing the anger in his voice. 

“Seriously, Chan, did something happen between your two?” 

Chan shakes his head. He doesn’t want to look at you. 

“Chan,” you insist. “Tell me, please.” 

He lets out a sigh, gripping the wheel tighter. 

“We might’ve had… an altercation.”

“An altercation?” you repeat. “Like a fight?!” 

“Not a fight,” Chan sighs. “Not a physical one, anyway.”

“What the fuck happened?” 

The words escape your mouth. An uneasy feeling washes over you. Nobody has told you about this. Nobody has said a word. 

“When did this happen?” you ask when Chan doesn’t answer.

“Like… a week ago, I think.” 

“Why didn’t no one -” 

You interrupt yourself and close your eyes. Looking out the car window, you realize you’re already parked in front of your apartment building. How did it go so fast?

For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time? 

“Chan,” you say, your voice shaking. “Please tell me what’s going on.” 

He looks at you with timid eyes. They shimmer in the darkness but you can’t focus on them. You are trembling and you can’t hold on to a single clear thought. Your mind is a blurry mess.

Chan looks out through the window before he takes a deep breath. 

“I didn’t want to do this tonight. You need to rest, you -” 

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never be able to sleep, so it will be worse.” 

You feel your hands shaking, so you clench your fists. Outside, the rain accelerates, pounds loudly on the car. The sound is almost unbearable but you don’t care. 

“If you’re trying to protect me, I’m grateful,” you add, when you see he’s still hesitating. “But I can take it. I’d rather know.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice quivering. 

“We’re friends, right?” you tell him. “That’s what you said. Be my friend, Chan.” 

He sighs and rubs his eyes. You’re scared, and yet a part of you feels perfectly calm. You hate the fact that something was hidden from you, but you’re so ready to withstand whatever storm is heading your way.

You’d rather stand in chaos than into nothingness. 

At least the chaos makes a little sense. 

“Before I say anything…” Chan sighs. “I don’t want you to take any of this on you, yeah? I know you’ll feel bad, but please, just remember -” 

“For fuck’s sake, Chan,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Get to the point.”

“He has a girlfriend.” 

You stare back at him. 

“What?” 

“San. He has a girlfriend. I thought it was too soon, that it was disrespectful of you, so I told him and it got heated, but… Yeah. Shit. I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

It’s like the rain suddenly got quiet. 

A girlfriend. 

You should’ve known. You saw it, after all. The phone, the text, the smile. The happiness in his eyes. The trendy clothes, the new watch. All the hints were there. 

He has moved on. 

More than you expected. 

Everything happens quickly. Your body acts before your brain registers it, and in the blink of an eye you’re outside in the pouring rain. You slam the passenger door behind you, you forget your bag, you don’t even think about it. You just walk forward.

It’s bitter cold. 

In seconds, you’re drenched. 

Your knees feel weak and you’re sure you are going to fall.

A sob escapes your throat. 

It shouldn’t hurt that much. 

You hate your heart. 

You hate how vulnerable it is. 

You want to move on, too. 

“Y/N!” 

You turn around, halfway to the door of your apartment, to find Chan running towards you. You raise your hand slowly. It’s shaking like a leaf.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’m f-” 

“Stop saying that!” 

You’re a bit surprised at the sudden anguish in his voice. He stops inches away from you, getting soaked by the heavy rain. It slides down his cheeks like tears, strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at you fiercely, his eyes blazing with light. 

“I’m sorry, I just - I see you’re hurting and it’s killing me.” 

You don’t know what to tell him. You wish he would go away. You wish he would hug you. You wish the pain would just stop.  

“Y/N -”

“I don’t care!” you scream, the sound getting lost in the rain. 

Chan frowns. 

“I don’t care if he has a girlfriend,” you cry out. “I just…” You shrug, your eyes lost in Chan’s. “I just want to heal, too. I want to move on, too. I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of hurting.” 

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

“You just have to give me time,” you say, your voice falling apart. “I’ll be fine eventually.” 

He lets out a sigh, slides a hand through his drenched hair. A raindrop slides down his face, gets caught on his lips. 

“Please, let’s go inside,” he pleads. “Let me be here for you.” 

You hesitate, but the cold rain keeps you on your toes. You want to be home, in your own space, but you also don’t want to be alone. So you nod, and Chan lets out a sigh, thanking you in a whisper. 

When you step inside your apartment you’re a little shy to turn on the lights because it’s messy, but you can’t really be bothered about that right now. Chan waits on the other side of the door, a hesitant look on his face. 

“Come in,” you tell him. 

He nods, closing the door behind him. Your place is modest, just big enough for one person, situated in the semi-basement of the building. It does not get much light, but it feels cozy and it is cheap. 

The first thing you do is get a towel for Chan so he can dry his hair and his clothes. He hangs his hoodie on a hook near the door; luckily the t-shirt underneath is only damp. His dark blue jeans took the worst of the rain. You suggest giving him some dry clothes, but he insists he’ll be fine. 

You tell him to get comfortable and go to change in your room. Your limbs feel weak as you slip on a pair of sweatpants and a crewneck. You cannot stop thinking about Chan's words. 

San has a girlfriend. 

He has opened his heart to love again. 

The rain keeps falling. 

It’s time you heal. 

When you come back to the living room, Chan is anxiously staring at his phone. He puts it away when he sees you, smiling a little timidly. 

“Feel better?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “Want a drink?”

“Sounds good.” 

You give him a gentle smile and you both head to the kitchen, where you fill two glasses of soju. He takes one, clinking it against yours. You drink it in one go. 

“Now that feels better,” you sigh. 

Chan smiles at you fondly, and you nudge his arm. 

“Chan. It’s all right. It had to happen.” 

“So quickly, though?” he winces. 

“We all heal at different paces,” you say softly. “Or maybe it’s his way of healing. Either way I’m happy for him.” 

Chan leans one elbow on the kitchen counter, giving you a long look. You hold his gaze, confused at the sudden calmness you feel.

“You said you can read me like an open book,” you remind him, pouring yourself another drink. “Am I lying?” 

He smiles briefly. “No.” 

“Cheers.” 

He takes another sip, and you imitate him. 

“How about we sit down?” you propose. 

Once in the living room, you sink into the couch. Chan sits at a comfortable distance, twirling his glass between his fingers. It’s strange to see him at your place - because of the size of your apartment, you rarely have friends over. You remember him driving you home a couple of times, but he must have been inside only once or twice in the three years you’ve lived here.

You talk a little, about everything and nothing. You drink some more, perhaps a little too much, but the soju warms your body. Chan relaxes, too. The bottle is quickly empty. 

You both fall silent, and you stare at the bottom of your empty glass. The tears come back too easily. 

“Chan?” 

“Yeah, love?”

You peck your lips. Hearing him say that feels too good. It’s so new, but you already don’t want him to ever stop. 

“Is she pretty?” you utter.

“Y/N…” 

“She must be. Pretty and smart.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“Do you know her?” 

You look up, and Chan shakes his head. His hair is untidy, his cheeks a little red, his full lips as inviting as ever. 

“I don’t. Ji told me they met at a party.” 

You let out a shaky sigh. “So everyone knows?” 

You hate the way your voice shudders, but you can’t help it. Chan shuffles closer to you, gently taking your hand in his. It’s warm and familiar. 

“No,” he answers in a soft voice. “Just a few. We wanted to wait for the right moment - well, actually, I thought San should be the one to tell you.” 

You laugh, wiping your tears. “No offense, but that would’ve been worse.” 

Chan snorts amusingly. “Oh. Good thing it didn’t happen, then. I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea.” 

You both end up giggling, and Chan doesn’t let go of your hand. You sniffle. You don’t let go either.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you say. But why are you so invested in this?”

“In your breakup?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m not invested in your breakup,” he shrugs. “I’m invested in you, you’re my friend.” 

“But it’s - you don’t have to, you can just be like the others, not take a side, you don’t have to fight anyone.” 

“Why wouldn’t I speak out? It bothers me, you know me, I don’t shut up when it comes to people I care about.” 

“But San is your friend, too.” 

“But you’re -” 

You frown. “I’m what?” 

“You’re Y/N.” 

The tenderness in his voice takes you by surprise. It seeps through his lips, echoes in his eyes. You feel your heart twist and turn - and just like that, his fingers slip away from yours.

“Sorry, I…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “Hell, I’m doing it all wrong tonight. And I should really stop drinking. How the fuck am I supposed to drive back home?” 

“Chan, wait,” you say, ignoring him. “What are you trying to say?” 

He sighs heavily. His face falls in his hand, and he breathes there for a second before he looks back up at you. He looks so tired.  

“I know you had a crush on me,” he breathes. 

You smile nervously. “Why are you bringing this up?” 

“Because I have a crush on you, too,” he says. 

You blink, and it’s like the world tilts. You haven’t been drinking that much, it can’t be the soju. Still, you feel dizzy and warm. Chan is looking at you with fondness and anguish. 

He didn’t say had.

He said have.

His words are right there, still on the tip of his tongue. 

In his eyes. 

So damn bright. 

No - he’s here because he’s your friend. That’s it.

Isn’t it? 

“I don’t understand,” you breathe out.

“I never acted on it because San had wanted to ask you out for a while,” Chan explains with a shrug. “And you know me. I never put myself before others. And although I sorta knew you had a crush on me, I convinced myself San was better for you.” 

You look down at your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you whisper. 

“Because you were so happy with him,” Chan says, his voice shaking. “You found each other and it was good, and who was I to say anything? At one point it didn’t even matter anymore, and I buried it deep inside of me, told myself I was over you. You were over me, after all. It was just a crush, anyway. I was so sure you’d be in this with San for the long run.” 

So did I, you want to say. Your throat feels so dry, however, you can’t say anything. You can just stare at Chan. He smiles at you almost carefully. 

“When I heard about your breakup… Everything came rushing back. The other night, after we got drinks, and I saw you crying… I was just so worried about you. So gutted to see you hurt, it was almost unbearable. And then he said he found someone else and I couldn’t understand, and we argued. It was heated, but it’s fine now. We’re good.” 

You close your eyes because the world can’t stop spinning. You were so cold earlier, but now you’re almost sweating. You’re too warm. The world is ablaze. 

Chan is your fire.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I can’t say I am. But if I let myself go…” He stumbles on his words. “I just might.” 

Time has stopped. You can barely breathe.

You feel the sting of shame.

The delightful warmth of Chan’s confession.

You’ve been so blind.   

“You just mean so much to me,” he says, his voice both low and soft. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be loved as you should be loved.” 

When you open your eyes, it feels like he’s sitting closer to you although he hasn’t moved. He’s not touching you, but his smell overwhelms your senses. You can’t look away, and he watches you back.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ” 

You drink his words like they’re the essence of life. You feel, in each one, a wish, a hope, a possibility. Ropes that were drawn and never knotted together. Lifelines, waiting to be grasped. 

“I never was,” you breathe. 

He frowns. “What?”

“Over you,” you explain. “I never was over you. I’m not.” 

He closes his eyes. 

“Fuck, Y/N, don’t tell me that.”

“It’s true,” you say, voice trembling. “I loved San, of course I did. But you were always in my heart and you will never not be.” 

Chan’s eyes drip down your eyes to your lips. You feel an ache inside your chest. It’s like it’s starting to rain indoors. What an odd feeling. 

“You don’t love him anymore?” he asks carefully, weighing every word.

“No.” 

Your voice comes in a whisper, but it’s full of certainty. 

“But Chan, I…” You swallow. “I can’t - I can’t listen to what my heart says about you, it’s not fair, you’re not… You’re not a stand-in, you’re not - you’re more important than that, and…” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

The question catches you off guard. 

“Just once,” Chan smiles. “I want to taste your lips. Just once.” 

What could you say to that? How many times did you dream about Chan’s lips on yours, wondering what they felt like? Were his kisses kind, delicate, hungry? You’d see him drink whiskey and wonder if the taste would linger on them. You’d see him kiss another girl and picture yourself in her place. 

And now he was offering you a kiss.

Hell, he wanted to kiss you. 

So you find yourself nodding, and Chan takes a long look at you, as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind. You remain immobile, lips parted, awaiting his. Slowly, he plucks them, grazing them against his - and they sink into yours, soft, like a cloud, deep, like the ocean. 

You collapse in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. He slides his fingers through your hair, his other hand embracing your waist to pull you closer. You can’t hold back a sigh from escaping your lips, and Chan responds by kissing you deeper, the movements of his lips getting almost feverish. 

“Chan,” you moan when you gasp for breath.

“Fuck, I can’t stop,” he growls, placing small kisses on your lips.

His fingers dig in your skin, and you desperately want to disappear against him, so you move your leg so you can straddle him. Chan wraps himself around you, and you feel the dampness of his clothes but you don’t care. You take his face in your hands, plunging back into a needy kiss. Chan’s hands wander on your back, on your hips, on the back of your neck. You can only lean into him. His tongue teases your lips and you open your mouth to let it in. It plays with yours, and you can feel walls tighten. 

By now you are fully making out, your hips grinding against his. You can feel him getting hard, and it sends your mind reeling. 

“God, you’re so perfect,” he moans around your lips.

“I’ve thought about this so often, Chan,” you admit.

“Same,” he grins. “I… Fuck, I can’t tell you this.” 

“Tell me,” you insist, trailing kisses alongside his jaw, on the delicate skin of his neck. It makes him shudder, and can almost feel his cock pulsating under you. 

“I thought about your lips,” he breathes out. “Your body. How you would sound moaning against me…” 

“Fuck, Channie…” 

You clench at his words, pressing your core on his erection. He grunts, his fingers slowly making their way under your shirt. You tug at his, and suddenly, like a flash of lightning, you realize what you are doing. Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth dries. Everything rushes back. You stop, and he does the same, leaning back. 

He looks more attractive than ever with his hair tousled by your fingers, his full lips red and wet from your kisses. 

“I’m sorry, I just -” 

“Is this going too fast?” he asks you gently. 

You hesitate. “It’s not that. I just - I don’t want to give the wrong impression.” 

Chan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like you’re just a rebound or something,” you shrug.

Chan smiles - that cheeky grin of his, his eyes sparkling at the same time. It toys with your heartstrings. How could anyone not adore this man? 

“I don’t care,” he answers. “I’ll be your rebound.” 

“Chan, I’m serious,” you sigh.

“So am I,” he says, twirling a strand of your hair around his index. “If it’s something you want, then I’m here. I want to. And it doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow, or ever. We’ll always be friends.” 

You breathe out, briefly closing your eyes. All you want is to keep kissing him, to forget the world in his arms. To be desired, to be loved. 

It’s all you want.

But your heart still aches.

So much has happened tonight - you feel so heavy. 

You sigh again. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry.” 

Chan cups your cheek. 

“It’s okay, love,” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s all so fresh. I can leave if you -” 

“No,” you quickly interrupt him, pushing a finger against his plush lips. “Please. Stay with me.” 

Chan nods, his eyes not leaving yours. You should move. You should get going - get a glass of water, sleep it all off. But you can’t move, lost in Chan’s gaze, your body a bundle of nerves. You lean forward, settling your forehead against his. 

“It’s killing me,” you chuckle nervously. 

Chan giggles, and the sound is delightful. “We have time, love. I won’t let you go, now. I got you.” 

He places a soft kiss on your lips.

“If you’ll have me.” 

As an answer, you give him another kiss. You slide your fingers through his humid hair, inhaling his scent. 

“Will you sleep here tonight?” 

“I’m here, baby.” 

The word makes something melt inside of you. You shiver, and instinctively, he sprawls his warm hands on your back. 

You’re overwhelmed by the tenderness and the hurt. 

You feel so loved. 

So abandoned.

So alone.

So supported.  

So seen. 

Your lips find him again like a magnet. You kiss him deeper than before. You’re losing your mind. 

“Y/N,” he breathes in your mouth.

The words escape your lips. “Fuck it, I want you.” 

He groans, his fingers diving in your skin. His cock twitches under you, making you lose all sense. 

“I want this, Chan,” you sigh, biting his lip. “But I don’t - I don’t want you to think I’m using you, all right? You’re my friend, I care about you, I -” 

He laughs. “You can use me all you want.” 

He starts kissing you again, feverishly, as if it hasn’t just been a few seconds since he last did it. You arch your back, closing all distance between your bodies. Chan starts placing kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your thin skin. 

“I’ll make you feel good, baby girl,” he whispers. “I’ll make you forget for a little while. Do you trust me?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s just you and me tonight. Let the rest fade away.” 

He puts his strong hands on your ass, and slowly moves it. You sway your hips, and the friction of his erection against you makes you moan softly. You plunge your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder blades. 

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers.

“Just you and me,” you nod. 

In a swift move he removes your shirt, groaning at the sight of your bralette. It’s made of a thin lacy material, so he can perfectly see your nipples, and immediately leans in to brush his lips against them. You shudder, your nails digging in the back of his neck. 

He removes your bra to gain access to your breasts, gently massaging them in his hands and sliding his tongue around them. Meanwhile, you caress his cock above his jeans, loving the way he tenses at your touch. 

“Hold on to me,” he tells you in a breath.

You wrap your arms around his neck and he lifts you up, only to gently lay you down on the couch so he’s on top of you. 

“Let me see you,” you breathe, grabbing his t-shirt. 

He obliges, removing the piece of clothing so you revel in the sight of his toned chest. You take off your sweatpants and stare as he removes his jeans as well, giving you a better sight of his athletic body. His boxers do nothing to hide his erection.

“Before this goes any further,” he says, and his voice sounds so raw it sends shivers down your spine. “Do you have -” 

“Bathroom,” you say with a nod. 

He smiles, bends to steal a kiss and disappears. You look up at the ceiling, suddenly very aware of your nakedness, of what you are about to do. 

It feels like you’ve been through ten days in one. 

This morning you woke up with dread. 

Now you are filled with hope. 

Is this going too fast? Should you wait? 

Maybe. 

You don’t want to. 

This feeling in your chest, that Chan helps surge, that threatens to burst - all this light, all this love. It’s been a while since you’ve felt that. From someone else, from yourself. 

So what if it’s too fast? You want to live. 

And if there’s a person you trust, it’s Chan. 

“Got it,” you hear him say as he reappears. 

You don’t really know what to say because you have all this love and light inside your chest and words would not feel enough, so you stay silent, only pull him back into a kiss. He lays on top of you, warm and a little unsteady. You can feel he’s a little nervous, just like you, but you don’t mind. You need his softness. You need his realness. 

You push his boxers down, feeling his cock touch your stomach. The sensation is enough to clear your mind, and you bite Chan’s lower lip a little. He answers with a slight chuckle. 

You want to tell him how crazy he makes you. How nice it is to feel him so warm and hard. How much this means to you. But for some reason, you can bring yourself to say anything, and neither does he. You just breathe together, febrile and eager. His fingers graze your wetness, and you shiver. Sensing your pleasure, Chan applies some pressure on your folds, leaning two fingers on your clit. You arch your back, moaning a little louder than you expected. Your hands reach for him, palming his cock, your own fingers brushing his tip. 

“Fuck,” Chan grunts. “Y/N…” 

“Channie, please,” you whisper. 

“Wait,” he answers. “I want to do something first, if this is my only chance.” 

You frown, opening your eyes as you feel him move. You quickly understand what he means, however, as his lips trace a path of wet kisses on your stomach and your thighs. Soon his breath is against your core, and you forget how to breathe. 

When his tongue touches you, it’s like a hundred sensations at once, and you can’t hold back a shaky moan. Your fingers grab the couch as Chan pushes your legs further apart. He kisses you, pressing his tongue into you, attentive to your reactions. 

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” he says, although you barely hear him. “Keep moaning for me, baby girl.” 

A surge of pleasure goes through your body, enveloping you in silk, and you grab Chan’s hair, instinctively pushing him against your clit as his tongue encloses it. 

“Fuck, fuck, Chan, I’m…” you whimper.

“Are you coming?” 

You nod, and he buries his nose in you, embracing your sensitive spots. Your orgasm makes your whole body tremble against him, and he holds your legs as you do, making sure to accompany you throughout. 

As you come down, slowly, you blink back into reality. You look at him a little timidly, realizing your fingers are still tangled in his hair. You place your palm against his head, caressing it tenderly.  

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter. “Did I hurt you?” 

“Not at all,” he chuckles. “It was beautiful.” 

You bite your lip and he moves so he can kiss you. Your taste is on his lips and his tongue and it’s making you a little dizzy. 

It’s been a while since you’ve felt as good as this. 

Not that the sex with San was bad - but it faded at the same time your love did. When you broke up you had not touched each other like that - barely kissed, even - for weeks.

Although you’re sensitive, you really want to make Chan feel good. You need him inside you, stretching you, making you whole. You align your legs so his cock falls between them, and you grind slowly. His breath hitches against your lips, and you take it as a hint he likes it. 

“You made me feel so good, Channie,” you tell him in between kisses. “I want to do the same for you.” 

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” he lets out. 

“I want you inside me,” you say. 

He nods fervently, puts on the condom he got from the bathroom and aligns himself with your entrance. You feel so relaxed and tense at the same time, tucked in his arms on the couch, the rest of the world faded away. He enters you slowly, letting you time to adjust to his size, and you breathe out slowly. 

He feels so different. He feels so right. You are a bundle of nerves he unmakes.

He thrusts his hips at a measured, exquisite pace. Each time he goes deeper, and you cry out in pleasure, your fingers digging in the skin of his muscled back. You feel the fever, you feel the want. He breathes heavily against your neck, holding you tight. 

“You okay?” he asks in a whisper. 

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, arching a little to facilitate his movements. 

Chan doesn’t stop. As he makes love to you - because it is what he is doing - you sense his thrusts getting a little more erratic. In the quiet of the living room you hear nothing but the sound of him plunging inside you, his cock smeared by your wetness, his breathing mingling with yours. It is so erotic, so loving, your second orgasm is building quickly and deliciously. 

Chan accelerates. You pant, moaning nonsense. 

“Come with me,” he breathes, and that is the last thing you need to come undone. 

It’s enthralling how your soul escapes you and yet stays right there, against Chan, around him, with him. As you clench around his cock, you hear a delightful moan escape his throat, rough and hoarse, and it keeps you right above the clouds with him as he comes inside of you. You feel him twitch before he relaxes slowly. 

His lips find your forehead and he plants the softest of kisses there. 

As you sink into the couch, he removes himself from you, and lays down on top of your body. You don’t mind the weight - in fact, it feels just right. His nose is in your neck, his breath tickling your sweat-covered skin. Your fingers slide in his hair, and you close your eyes. 

You give yourselves time to recover. As the high fades, you feel Chan’s breathing relax and get more steady. 

“Channie,” you whisper with a smile. “Don’t fall asleep.” 

“Hm?” he groans, lifting his head to look at you. 

With his hair all over the place, his small eyes and swollen lips, he looks ready to pass out. It elicits a large smile from you, and you tenderly caress his cheek. 

“Let’s get to bed,” you tell him. 

He nods. You stand up on shaky legs, and help him on his feet. Together you close the lights in the apartment, and then you take his hand to guide him towards the bathroom. You take the time to clean up and head to the bedroom. The lights are off except for the fairy lights hanging above your bed. Once you’re there, you open a drawer, take out a t-shirt that will fit him. 

You slip under the sheets, Chan next to you. He pulls you into his arms, and you put your head on his shoulder. 

The rain has slowed to a drizzle.

Who knows what the sky will look like tomorrow? 

For now you just want to sleep against Charm’s warmth.

“Get some rest, love,” he whispers to you. 

“Goodnight, Channie.” 

“Goodnight.”

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment or reblog with a word in the tags if you can. It's truly appreciated ♡

[yongboxer]

Key Limes | Zhong Chenle

⤑ genre: fluff ; bakery au

⤑ pairing: Chenle x Reader

⤑ summary: It’s the night before Chenle’s birthday, and after the bakery closes, the both of you indulge in the eatery that reminds you of the boy who radiates an odd sense of key limes.

⤑ contains: mild language, cheesy fluff that’s borderline disgusTANG

⤑ word count: 1.8k

-

It didn’t take much at all to convince your grandmother to let you stay after hours to make a dessert for Chenle at the bakery shop she’s owned since 1963. That being said, it took absolutely no convincing to ask the boy to stay after, it being the night before his birthday and he’d be having the day off tomorrow. The both of you would spend after school making wages, and you already had an idea of what to make him rather than a typical birthday cake (though there isn’t anything wrong with that. Cake’s phenomenal in itself).

“And you’re absolutely positive ten o’clock isn’t too late to go home?”

“I told you already that she’s waiting till Friday for the birthday meal,” he chuckles, hefting an enormous, ivory tub over to the back counter where you stand by a mixer, swirling the contents of a pie crust inside it before it nearly slams on the counter. “Here.”

You tap the spatula in your hand on the side of the bowl after scraping it down to look at the tub in puzzlement. “What’s that?”

“Sugar,” he says back before hopping up to sit on the ledge of the wide island behind you. His hands ruffle his curls that used to remind you of key lime pie before he returned it back to shade that resembled more of brown sugar. Chenle still wears the red apron caked with flour and dried egg whites, just in case you need a hand in what you’re concocting.

You slow down the speed of the mixer, your forehead crinkling at his reply while eyeing another ivory tub that’s to the left of you as opposed to the one he brought on the right. “But I measured that out a long time—“

The sentence comes to a sudden halt, mainly because you’re retracing your steps on what you’ve done so far to make the graham cracker crust. But judging from the long, painfully slow inhale coming from Chenle behind you, a sudden moment of oh shit came to your mind.

“Y/N, you didn’t.”

You turn around with a frantic heart to see the boy cupping his hands over his mouth and nose, shoulders racking in obvious attempt to hide the obnoxious guffaws that’d be irrupting out of him like a flock of seagulls. It’s mainly from not only feeling sorry for your effort, but also ‘cause there’s a high chance his amusement will piss you off. At least that’s his mindset.

“Dammit,” you hiss, turning the mixer off and digging a spoon into the crust batter. The utensil is then stuck in your mouth and your mouth waters with the urge to gag.

Yep. Salt.

“Dammit!” You yell out again, the spoon clattering to the floor when you nearly throw it across the kitchen. “That’s it. When are we gonna label these blessed things.” You’re not too far into making the beloved key lime pie, but it’s enough to make you frustrated that the crust is now irreversibly salty as hell.

“No, don’t get upset!” Chenle hollers out, a small snort following his protest. From behind, he grabs your upper arms and sits his chin to cradle in the dip of your neck, the breath from his giggles making you tense and the scent of floral honey making heat rise to all high points of your face.

“All of us here’s gotta do it at least twice,” he continues. “I made a whole batch of cinnamon buns like that last week, icing and everything. Served them without even tasting.”

Chenle releases his grasp after you sigh and detach the bowl from the mixer. “Still, that’s pushing us to 10:30.”

“So?” He goes back to his rightful place on the counter, kicking his sick feet back and forth, the bottoms more than likely filthy from the crumbs and grime that needed to be swept after a day of baking goods. “It’s my. . .well, almost my birthday, and I don’t care.”

You snort, dumping the graham mixture pitifully into the large trash can in the corner of the kitchen. “Wasted just like that. I swear.” Utter disappointment, that’s all you feel. The lumps of terracotta plop into the garbage, and from behind you, the sound of clattering and the rolling pin thumping against the counter has you casting a glance over your shoulder.

Chenle’s sleeves are pushed up as his eyebrows form a straight line, beating the graham crackers into nothing but crumbs to dump into a new bowl as opposed to the one you hold in your hands. He makes sure to taste the sugar by dipping a spoon in it, clicking his brows up at you while you’re tempted to flip him the bird.

But dammit, it’s the embodiment of a freakin’ key lime that keeps you from doing it. Just slap out adorable, and though his locks were dyed back to brunet, he still reminded you of the tiny fruit. Sure, it’s odd, but so is Chenle.

This leads the both of you to finish up the key lime pie. In total, it takes about an hour and half, making the two of you run down to the corner store and pick up two bottles of milk and a cream soda that he’s craving. So, with elbows on the table and two forks digging into the glass pie dish, you relish the time spent together alone with Chenle, him telling you stories of past birthdays he’s had and about friends that used to go to his old school. Before the two of you dig into the dessert, you placed a single candle that with teamwork you were able to find in the utensil drawer of the bakery’s kitchen.

“You make me forget I even miss them sometimes, Y/N,” he admits with a mouthful of pie. He swallows before shaking his hand in a waving fashion while back and then backtracking immediately. “Wait wait wait wait, that sounded butthole-ish.”

He doesn’t have to go on in order for you to get his point, but you lick at a dollop or whip cream that’s on your fork so he can continue for his sake. Still, you have to bite back a smile.

“What I meant was that when I do miss them, you at least don’t make me feel lonely like I used to,” Chenle shrugs. “. . .yeah, like that.” He tips back the cream soda bottle hugged in his hand and muffles a belch in the sleeve of his jacket from when you two made the venture outside. The pie’s about three-quarters of the way gone, and you tear off some tinfoil to cover over the top of it so he can take it home.

Yes, you should be grossed out, but the light flush in his cheeks and how he tugs on his beige beret you just find everything so. . .

Cute. Just cute, and it’s unnerving as ever.

You and Chenle had already cleaned up the mess the both of you made before sharing the pie, and the boy had pestered you to let him walk to you home, despite your neighborhoods being on opposite ends of the street.

“Listen, I’m sure you’re fully capable of being the badass I know you are, but let me be a gentlemen, just once?” His voice raises at the end of the sentence. You turn on your heel after making sure the door is locked to the bakery to see him holding his beloved key lime pie leftovers and rocking back and forth on his feet.

Of course you don’t mind him taking the bus and walking down the sidewalks to follow you home, but you can’t let your collected façade down. It’s what leads you to give into his begging (if you can even call it that).

After all, Chenle didn’t feel the same way as you.

Your fingers toy with your keys, keeping your hands busy when the two of you step off the bus and under the stray street lights that led the path into your housing development, your home just near the entrance until you’re just outside the front door. It’s typical November atmosphere, a chill in the air but comfortable enough to walk at an easy pace before you turn to tell Chenle a final happy birthday (considering you’re not sure whether you’d see him the next day. Depends on what his family planned). Just planning ahead, you never know.

“Not gonna lie, a birthday pie and some quiet time was pretty nice,” it’s visible that he’s swinging his hands back and forth in the from pockets of his jacket just at his tummy. “Didn’t think you cared about me enough to do something like that to celebrate.”

“That’s sour,” you pout, amused when Chenle’s little smile falters until you bring a grin of your own to your face. “You’ve thought about that before?”

“I mean,” he stammers, pausing from any verbal diarrhea and tilting his chin down with a huff of a giggle. “Just—Thanks, I guess. Sorry.”

You just give a small nod, Chenle’s delightful quirky vibes lighting a spark that it you only feel when he’s doing his. . . Chenle thing.

But your admiration is short lived when you feel the pie dish squish between the two of you, the boy in front of you’s hand diving to catch the tip of your chin in the grip of his fingertips and pulling you forward to interlock your lips so swift you feel the need to step back and make sure it’s actually happening.

You don’t, instead your eyelids fall shut while your hands find their way to tenderly rest on where his collarbone is hidden behind his coat and taking in the same aroma of buttercups and honey wafting from his clothes and skin. His lips are dry from the incoming winter weather, but still delicate like fragile sugar paper that’s used on various cakes in the shop.

This kiss holds out for several seconds, Chenle carefully tilting your chin up so your head dips back and he can take in the moment as much as possible before he has pull away and face whatever your reaction could be.

And honestly? The poor boy expects the worst.

He suddenly releases your embrace, eyes half-lidded and scanning over your countenanced before stuttering out a quiet, “S-shit.”

Chenle stumbles back, mouth now pried open while your jerk a hand up to your lips and ghost over them with the finger tips of your three fingers. Your tongue peaks out for a moment to bring back the taste of his cream soda and a smile is spilling out from them fact that it wasn’t you to initiate the urgent kiss, but Chenle.

“Good night—“

“Hey!” You grab ahold of his sleeve and even Chenle is shocked he’s still holding the leftover key lime pie.

Both of your arms are linked and stretched out awkwardly before you drop his wrist, letting out a shaky giggle that has Chenle softening at both the sight and sound, your reaction bringing a sense of comfort to his onset of panic.

“This,” you finally manage to get a steady word out. “. . . Is this something you’ve thought about before?”

Chenle looks down at the dessert, his grip crinkling the tinfoil that cuts sharply through the chill air. A precious half-smile grows to his cheeks that remind you of ivory mochi, telling himself to grow a pair and look you in the eye before answering.

“You have no idea.”

[softukiyos]

a pinch of the jeekies | han jisung

𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚: 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦

𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣: 𝘫𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: ~2.7k+

𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮: 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯

𝙖/𝙣: 𝘩𝘪 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦! 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦! 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩! >.< 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺!

Jisung liked to take pride in his cheeks. When he'd first entered elementary school, he despised them. Everyone had seemed to shed their baby fat very quickly, but his squishy cheeks never left. After a few years of struggling with his self image, he entered high school, confident and proud of how he looked. 

His cheeks were unmatched. No one would ever have cheeks that could even come close. 

At least, that was what he thought before he met you, his strict, grumpy tutor that his chemistry teacher had assigned to him in hopes of raising his abysmal grades. 

Jisung didn't like you at first. He'd known you from afar like most other people did; the top of the class, intellectually brilliant but aloof girl that didn't seem to care about anyone in the school. 

Jisung didn't like you when he first met you in person. Your tutoring sessions were hard, and he meant really hard. You never let him get away with a single thing, not one missing unit, not one problem where he forgot to show work, nothing ever passed your watchful eye. And as  much as he tried to resist, he found his grades improving at a rapid rate, which only encouraged his teacher to send him to you more. 

After a month or so, however, it sort of hit Jisung like a truck when he finally had the revelation that you weren't so bad. As Spartan as your teaching methods were, you never belittled him for asking a stupid question, you wouldn't laugh if he asked you to slow down, and all in all, you were genuinely quite considerate of his feelings while still managing to get the results out of him. The first time he saw you genuinely smile was when he handed you his first B+, where you looked him in the eye and told him that you were proud of his improvement. 

Jisung couldn't even remember the last time he received a compliment like that from anyone. So after a while, he began to think that maybe you didn't show care towards anyone in particular because no one ever bothered to look past your reputation to see you for who you were. 

After another day of classes, he headed to the library, ready for another grueling hour of chemical reaction exercises. However, as he turned the corner into the little nook that you liked to study in, his steps faltered as he saw you slumped over the desk, your head resting on your arms as you slept soundly.

Now, Jisung probably shouldn't have gotten so excited to see you sleep, but he did. After all, he'd never seen you in such a relaxed state around him, and as he took a peek at your face, he physically had to stop himself from cooing out loud at how adorable you looked.

Woah, woah, woah. What?

The boy did a quick double take. When did he ever think his chemistry tutor was cute? Well, there was that one time he saw you scurrying down the hallway when you came to school late, there was that one time you sneezed on your way up to the whiteboard and looked a bit like a deer in headlights. There was also that one time he saw you giggle when you came across a quokka doodle in his notes and--oh my god that was basically 98% of his time with you and the other 2% was the time he was just staring at you from afar. 

Gulping nervously, he slid into the chair next to you and very carefully placed his book bag on the table. To be honest, he was waiting for you to wake up on your own; with a brother named Changbin who was a literal demon if you even so much as nudged him while he was asleep, Jisung was well aware of the dangers of waking people up from naps. He wasn’t sure what type of riser you were, and he wasn’t going to find out.

But as the minutes ticked on and crept into your normal tutoring time, you still didn’t wake and Jisung just sat beside you, picking imaginary petals in his head to decide whether or not he should give your shoulder a light nudge. He wanted to, because he knew you’d probably get upset at him if you woke up later to find that the two of you had wasted precious time, but on the other hand, you did look quite exhausted, even more so than usual. The bags under your eyes seemed slightly more defined, and this nap looked like the first moment of decent sleep you’ve gotten in days.

Eventually, Jisung decided not to wake you. If you got angry, then he’d just promise to study on his own when he got back home. He could put off playing games with Felix for one night if it meant that you got some rest. When you made an expression of discomfort, he even shrugged off his bomber jacket, rolling it into a pillow before gently maneuvering it to replace the book you were sleeping on.

With nothing else to do, Jisung found himself spending much of that time on his phone, but he couldn’t help but take some of the other time to gaze at you. Now that you weren’t wacking him with a rolled up test that he failed or glaring at everyone, you actually looked quite innocent and peaceful. You looked even happy, and Jisung wondered what you were dreaming about.

But what really caught Jisung’s eye were your cheeks. With your face squished against your arm, your cheeks were puffed up adorably, and it took every ounce of self restraint for Jisung to not poke them at least once. They looked like little marshmallows, and as the minutes ticked on, Jisung found it harder and harder to control himself.

He even felt a little bit of jealousy curling in his gut. What moisturizer did you use? Why did your cheeks look softer than his?

“Oh, the two of you are still here!”

Jisung almost jumped out of his seat as the librarian peaked her head into the corner, “A-ah, yes!” He stumbled over his words nervously.

“Well, you better hurry out. I’m closing up in five,” she said before finishing up her rounds so she could leave for the day. Checking his phone, Jisung realized with a start that it was almost six in the evening, thirty minutes past when your normal tutoring session ended. He didn’t even notice.

He glanced over at you, who was still snoring away without a care in the world and his expression softened. Looks like he’d have to wake you up after all. He almost didn’t want to, but against his better judgement, he leaned towards you and gave your cheek a gentle little pinch, full of fondness that he didn’t even really understand yet.

“Y/N,” he murmured your name as softly as possible, his smiling widening as you let out a soft groan in response. Wow, your cheeks were fluffier than anything he’d ever touched before.

“What…?” you mumbled, eyes fluttering open as you sat up, gripping at Jisung’s jacket in confusion.

He smiled, “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” he ducked under your sleepy attempt to flick his forehead.

“What time is it?”

“Almost six,” Jisung said, helping you pack your book bag as you regained your bearings. As you finally managed to process where you were, your eyes widened almost comically.

“It’s almost six.”

Jisung laughed, “Yes? That’s what I just said?”

You shoved his jacket back at his chest, cheeks unnaturally hot, “Why didn’t you wake me up?!” Gosh, you were more than embarrassed. It was one thing to miss a tutoring session, it was another to sleep through it with your student literally right next to you. Especially when the student was Han Jisung.

He took his jacket back, still amused by how flustered you looked. In all the time he’d spent with you, he’d never seen you look so frazzled before, “I wanted to wake you, but you looked so tired!” Jisung explained, deciding to take the moment to try and reach out to you once more, “Is everything alright? You looked really drained. I noticed in class, too.” 

You tensed up, not expecting Jisung to be so observant. No, scratch that, you knew Jisung was always observant, but you never thought that applied to you. 

“I just have a little more on my plate now,” you explained the best you could without actually explaining. 

Jisung felt a pang of disappointment. It was the blank wall to the face again, like he always got when he tried to get to know you better. Two steps forward, four steps back.

“But, regardless, you should've woken me up,” you continued, huffing at him as you reached into your bag to pull out your planner, “It's my fault for oversleeping, so let me know what time you'd like to reschedule--”

“Woah, woah,” Jisung waved his hands frantically, shaking his head, “Didn't you just say you have more on your plate now? You don't need to reschedule.”

You gave him an inquisitive stare and he physically had to hold back a gulp, “Are you just trying to get out of tutoring?” You asked, but he noticed that your voice didn't hold any edge to it, another red flag that you were probably a lot more exhausted than you let on.

“I'm not, I promise,” he held his arms up in surrender, “I'll go over the material and do the assignment myself. You can check it over next week!” 

A moment of silence passed before you relented, placing the planner back in your bag with a sigh, “Okay, but the three mistake rule still stands. Got it?”

Jisung smiled, “Got it,” he said, grabbing his bag and standing up, “I won't let you down after all the help you've given me.” 

“You really think this is helpful?” The surprise in your words spilled out despite your best attempts to keep your mask of passivity. Fuck, it was always Jisung that made you like this. Any other person would tried to tear down your mental walls, only for you to build them up twice as high and twice as thick. But Jisung--Jisung just walked past them like they didn't even exist.

“Um, yeah? My grades literally went from C’s to B’s and A’s because of you!” Jisung exclaimed, practically offended for your sake at the mere thought of your question, “If that isn't helpful, then what is?” 

A dry chuckle left your lips as the two of you walked out of the library, “That isn't what I meant. Normally, people would say that I'm a bit...harsh? Overbearing? Un-fun?” 

Jisung bit his lip, his eyes rounding with a mix of realization and guilt as he saw the expression on your face. You probably didn't even notice it as you looked up into the sky, but he could see it as clear as day. A bittersweetness that looked a bit like hurt, but it wasn't quite either. 

So you did know of what people said about you, and it did affect you. The guilt festered in his chest as Jisung came to the painful realization that he was part of that group of judging before knowing only a few weeks before. 

“Um!” Jisung blurted out rather clumsily, grabbing your attention as you turned to face him, “You're a good teacher. Y-yeah, sometimes you can be a bit strict, but people should know that you do it only because you want them to succeed!” 

A moment of awkward silence passed between the two of you, and Jisung was about to disappear into the ground when you let out a giggle, covering your mouth with the back of your hand and failing to hide your amusement. 

You laughed. You laughed because of him. You were smiling because of him. Jisung held your expression, your moment of happiness, close to his heart, and he wanted nothing more than to see it again. 

“Thank you, Jisung,” you said after your giggles died and you stood before him, a bit of distance still between the two of you even though it wasn't quite as tense or awkward as before, “That means a lot to me, really.” 

Jisung’s face lit up, and he nodded, “And I really mean what I said! I wouldn't have gotten so much better without you.” 

Your cheeks felt unusually warm in the chilly evening, and you realized that you should probably make your escape soon before you found yourself falling more and more for this boy who wore his heart on his sleeve. 

“Well, thank you again,” you said sincerely, clutching the strap of your book bag as you gave him a smile, already beginning to turn away, “I’m gonna head home, so I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Jisung felt the joy in his heart stutter a bit at the way you turned to glance down the road you were about to take, and his mouth worked before his brain, “Wait! I could give you a ride!” He blurted out before wanting nothing more than to bonk himself in the head.

“Oh?” You turned back around to face him as you crossed your arms, “You drive?”

“Uh, I have a bike, which is still faster than walking,” Jisung supplied the follow up information rather unhelpfully, but it made you smile nonetheless, “And you live close to Seungmin’s family bakery, right? I live right around there, too.”

There wasn’t much about that offer that you could really refuse, and you found yourself not wanting to anyway. You were still pretty exhausted and you were already dreading the walk back home. 

And besides, a little extra time with Han Jisung never hurt anyone except for your poor heart, which was beginning to grow tired of fighting your obvious attraction for this boy. 

“Alright,” you said, shifting your bag strap higher up your shoulder as you gestured, “lead the way.” 

The ride was quite silent, but neither of you minded. If anything, you enjoyed the silence, and Jisung knew you enjoyed it, so he didn’t bother to pry or start conversation. With your hands resting on his shoulders for balance as you sat behind him on what was normally the basket rack, and with the sky loosing its pinkish tones and exchanging them for the dark blues and purples of night, everything felt strangely perfect and--dare you say it--romantic. 

When you finally told Jisung to stop in the front of a house just a couple buildings down from Seungmin’s bakery, the air between the two of you had shifted somehow. It wasn’t a big change; you weren’t suddenly head over heels in love with him and he wasn’t suddenly filled with the urge to kiss you like they do in shoujo mangas, but there was a comfortable and mutual sense of affection for one another that didn’t need any pushing or rushing from either side. The two of you just...knew it somehow. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you said, your voice soft as you swung your leg off and found yourself next to the bike, face to face with Jisung. 

“Don’t mention it,” he smiled, leaning against the handle of his bike in a way that made him look deviously adorable. You bit your lip, hesitating for a second before reaching up with your fingers and giving his soft cheeks a light squish.

Huh, they were even softer than you’d imagined they would be. 

Jisung’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, which snapped you out of your daze as you quickly pulled your hand away and cleared your throat awkwardly. 

“Don’t forget to go over today’s chapter when you get home,” you said, trying to mask your embarrassment and keep your voice steady as you gave him one last smile before rushing into your house, fumbling a bit with the keys when you pulled them out of your bag.

Jisung stood in front of your house for a moment longer, his eyes dazed with surprise as he reached up to rub his cheek. Fuck, if you mess around with him like this any more, he’d be head over heels in love with you before the semester even ended. 

And as Jisung biked back home, he didn’t even care that he actually lived in the opposite direction and he’d lied a bit in order to make sure you got back safe. Your smiles, your laughter, and your gentle retaliation for his earlier pinch of your cheek made it all worth it. 

Jisung thought he had the cutest cheeks in the world, but he was pretty satisfied with being second best now. 

[na-cafe]

Characters: Jisung x reader

Genre: kinda angsty, fluff

Warnings: teen pregnancy, curse words ( a few of them )

|1| |2| |3| |4| |5-end|

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Telling parents.

Another fear you had once you find out you are expecting a baby. The light thing on this is, that you had to tell this just to Jisung's parents ( you have your nanny, but you can deal with her later )

"It's gonna be okay, don't worry." Jisung tried to assure you but you had in mind the worst scenario ( damn these movies where everything goes wrong ). "How I said, my mom always wanted grandchildren." he gently knocked on the door of his parent's house.

"Jisung, Y/N!" you were met with Jisung's mother and her kind smile. "You're on time, I am done with lunch." she let you inside the house.

We both got inside and set at the table with Jisung's dad that also greeted us with a smile on his face ( well, the smile will soon disappear ).

"We are not here just for lunch, mom." Jisung started a conversation you didn't want to be a part of. "I and Y/N need to tell you something." he grabbed your hand.

"Can't this wait after lunch?" his dad asked. "I'm very hungry and I can say I would be much useful in the conversation after I get some food." he laughed.

"Of course." Jisung agreed. "Thanks, mom." he smiled at his mom who bring him and you a plate with food ( his dad was already eating ). "It looks amazing."

"It does." you also gave compliments and started eating. You wanted to have this done quickly as possible.

"Thank you so much, kids." she once again smiled at both of you and also started eating her amazing food; her cooking is the best.

--

After delicious food, we moved to the living room where I and Jisung gonna announce the big news. It will either go well or not ( and you expect the worst reaction ).

"So, what do you need to tell us?" Jisung's mom asked. She seemed excited and you're about to ruin the excitement. "Is it something good?"

"I don't know if it's good but..." he took a deep breath, grabbed your hand, and gave it a little squeeze. "Mom, dad... I and Y/N are expecting a baby," he said. It was said out loud to his parents and you were scared to look at them.

"What? Did I hear right?" his dad was first to react. "A baby? You got the girl pregnant?!" he raised his voice with every word and your vision was blurred with tears how scared you were.

"It's Y/N, dad. You know her name, you even like her." Jisung talked back to his dad and you just looked at Jisung with wide eyes. "We decided to keep the baby." he continued.

"I can't believe this!" his dad stood up from his place. "I don't want to see you here ever again!" he said it loud it was almost a scream and then went to another room with a harsh slam of the door.

However, his mom was still on her spot looking at us. She opened her mouth many times but did not say anything.

"Mom-

"You are stupid, Jisung," she said. "Both of you," she added. "But what's done is done and I think you're old enough to know what is good for you." her reaction genuinely surprised you.

"You are not mad at us?" you were the one who asked. You also looked at her and wiped away a few tears from your cheeks.

"No, of course not, Honey." she moved closer to you. "To be honest, I was waiting for you two to get here with this type of news much earlier." she laughed and you knew it's gonna be good ( even with his dad ). "I'm happy."

"Wait, a-are you serious?" you couldn't believe this. You thought this will have a tragic end, which Jisung's dad almost gave you, but his mom made you feel the other way.

"I am." she nodded. "I can't be angry at you two, I was worst." she put her hand on your knee. "I had Jisung at sixteen, that's why his dad reacted this way. He didn't want this to happen to his son too," she told you a story you had no idea about, and by Jisung's reaction, you knew he didn't know too. "Don't look at me like that, Jisung." she laughed once again.

"I just... I had no idea," he said unbelievably.

"How could you not have an idea?" his mom furrowed her eyebrows. "Do you even know how old I am?" she asked.

"Well, now I do," he said with a small laugh. "But what about dad? I know you said he did not want this to happen to me too but he was very angry at me. I think he means his words." you could see he is sad by his dad's words.

"Don't worry about him, Jisung. I'll talk to him and everything will be fine." she gave him warm smile. "Just give him time."

"Thank you, mom." he hugged her. Then his mother hugged you.

"I can't wait to have grandchildren." she smiled big and stroked your head. "And don't cry, sweetie."

"Told you so."

You rolled your eyes at his remark and smiled and Jisung's mother. "Thank you so much." you had to thank her. She completely changed your mind and you weren't so scared anymore ( but of course there are still a few things you have your doubts about ).

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A/N thank you so much for reading this little story. Hope you liked it and leave a heart ♡

[simpforkimseungmin]

Stray Kids Reaction | You Waking Them Up Riding Them

Warnings: riding, mild cursing, degradation, praising

Everything is fully consented btw!

------------------------------------------------------

Bang Chan

To be honest, I feel like he would just let you do your thing simply because he’s too tired to do anything unless you need help, of course. He would wake up as soon as you sunk down on him, he’d place his hands on your hips or lazily rub your thighs. He wouldn’t be very vocal, just letting out breathy moans here and there. Maybe even give you little praises.

“You feel so good y/n.”

“Just like that baby. Keep going.”

Lee Minho

This man. He would definitely end up pounding you into the mattress and you can’t tell me otherwise. At first, it would take him a few to actually wake up. Then he would flip you over and just go at it. Possibly putting you face down. Lee Know would be the opposite of Chan, sort of degrading you.

“You’re so fucking needy y/n.”

“Always want my cock. Such a needy slut.”

Seo Changbin

He’s definitely gonna put you on your knees and take you from behind. Your arms crossed behind your back as he uses them as a leverage to fuck you really hard. Maybe even one hand on your mouth to keep you quiet because the boys are in the rooms on each side of yours.

“Shut up y/n. You don’t wanna get caught now do you?”

Hwang Hyunjin

Hyunjin gives me switch vibes. He would either be like Lee Know and pound you into the mattress or beg for you to not stop. Maybe even throw in a “mommy” or two. As for him being dominant he would bend his knees, placing his feet flat on the bed and thrust up into you, not being gentle at all. As for him being submissive, he would be whiny, shy and squirmy. He wouldn’t know where to place his hands at, instead just keeping them balled up against the sheets.

“Waking me up in the middle of my sleep to fuck me, you’re a brat y/n.”

“Ah- y/n please, if you keep doing that I’m gonna cum.”

Han Jisung

WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. He would wake up to you climbing on top of him and getting yourself situated. He’d just stare at you with his mouth open and his eyebrows furrowed. His hands would be placed on your thighs, squeezing every time you’d clench around him. He’d be pretty quiet until he’s about to cum. When he’s close, his noises would be at a high-ish volume.

“Y/N! What are you d-doing?”

“Oh- oh fuck.”

Lee Felix (his hair is so cuteeee😡)

Y’all would end up having soft sex. Felix would be just as needy as you. Wanting to be as close to you as possible. Nothing rough at all. Besides the change in the speed when the both of you are close. He would tell you he loves you multiple times. You’d eventually end up on your back with Felix grinding into you. Your nails scratching his back or getting tangled in his hair as you leave sloppy kisses on each other.

“I love you so much y/n.”

“It feels so good, I- I love it.”

Kim Seungmin

Mans is lowkey a bottom. Y’all know that video when Jeongin choked him😵‍💫. Yea it’s self explanatory. Anywho. Slut him tf outttt when he wakes up. Choke him, call him names. Just be mean. He loves it. ALL of it, just don’t go too far. You should definitely wrap a hand around his neck and squeeze/push down while you’re riding him. This will make him cum super fast.

“Do you like when I’m mean to you?”

“I can tell you like it.”

Yang Jeongin

Baby…. Jeongin gon be the one to slut you out. He ain’t innocent AT ALLLL. He wouldn’t care who heard and woke up, it’ll just make him even more excited which leads to him straight up destroying you, although he wouldd be kinda pissed you woke him up out of his sleep… whatever his baby wants, his baby gets.

“Cmon you can be louder baby.”

“I can feel you tightening, you gonna cum?”

I feel like I rushed this so I hope it’s good. The grammar should be okay. I made sure to read it thoroughly. Also let me bless you with this picture of Felix I found on Pinterest😘. The fact I’ve never seen this before is so devastating 💔💔💔

[jisungsmochi]

confessions - park jisung

jisung x reader / jisung being whipped / fluffy, lil angst / hope it makes you feel something lmaoo 

word count: 8.7k 

mini playlist: 

Cloud 9 - Beach Bunny 

Falling - Chase Atlantic 

Enchanted - Taylor Swift 

summary: confessing to your crush was always daunting. but how else were you supposed to let them know how you truly feel? y/n has learned the hard way, always being the confessor rather than the one being confessed to. oh how she wished that one day, someone will have the courage to tell her how they feel, without her always having to make the moves...

//

“i like you”

“ew, you’ll give me cooties”

y/n was barely seven years old when she confessed to her very first crush, lee donghyuck. he rudely rejected her offer to play marbles during lunch, but she wasn’t fazed. she plastered a bright smile on her face, calmly nodding at the little boy,

“cooties aren’t real, it’s probably just germs from not washing your hands!” she snickered, turning on her heel as she made her way to a shaded area in the quad. she left donghyuck speechless that day, slightly bruising the young boy’s ego. how could she be so calm when her very first crush had harshly rejected her? she always tried to display a cheery exterior to her peers, she found it embarrassing if people caught her crying over some boy. so she pushed her feelings aside until she was alone.

when y/n was twelve, she had grown a crush on her desk mate, jeno. he was quiet most of the time, only speaking to her when he needed answers for homework, but she was whipped nonetheless. he was undeniably handsome, especially for someone their age. how was that even possible? she would intently watch him play soccer with his friends on the school oval, softly cheering every time he made a goal. jeno had noticed when she attended his games, often smiling at her from the field.

after weeks of innocent stares in the hallway and short conversations during class, y/n decided it was time to confess to lee jeno. she came up with the cute idea to write a small note to him during class, it read:

hi jeno!! i think you’re really cute, and a great soccer player. i also have a crush on you...would you go out with me?

tick yes or no

she had written the letter in sparkly pink ink, folded it gently before sliding it over to jeno’s desk. the confused boy swiped the card over to his side, slowly opening it. her heart was beating out of her chest. jeno started scribbling on the paper, causing her to furrow her eyebrows, all he needed to do was leave a tick?

jeno returned the note to her, a soft smile plastered on his face. her eyes scanned over the note, landing on his answer. the ‘yes’ box was ticked, followed by a short sentence under it,

would this mean you’re my girlfriend?

tick yes or no

she couldn’t help but smirk at his charms, immediately ticking yes. from that day on, jeno and y/n began dating. but when you’re going through your pre-teen years, things get really dramatic. jeno ended things with y/n after only three months of dating, which seemed like forever for a twelve year old. he dumped her over text, as many pre-teens did back then. she put on a brave front, acting as if she was okay with it all. it wasn’t even a serious relationship, but it was still her first. of course it hurt. but she continued to suffer in silence, no one needed to know.

when y/n was fifteen, almost turning sixteen, she befriended huang renjun. they were always aware of the other, often hanging out in the same cliques. it was the school’s swimming carnival, when she began getting closer to him. after donghyuck had accidentally pushed her into the pool, too caught up with chasing mark around, renjun came to her rescue. he offered her his towel, wrapping her up tightly as he sat and chatted with her while the others scolded donghyuck. he was a great conversationalist, always having something new to talk about. y/n adored that about him. from that day onwards, she would message him back and forth, almost becoming a daily occurrence. they would skype call after school, catching eachother up on any drama or daily events in their early high school lives. she started falling for him, fast. but there was one downfall to renjun. he would never acknowledge y/n at school. whenever he was with his friends, he pretended like he was merely acquaintances with the girl. it hurt her to see him act like nothing was happening between them. word got around that renjun had a crush on somebody. as usual high school gossip goes, the signs led back to y/n. her friends would cheer her on to confess to him, so would his friends. they believed they would be a strong couple. so she decided to take measures into her own hands, opting to confess to huang renjun.

y/n approached the boy during lunch, interrupting his conversation with jaemin.

“can i talk to you, uh privately?” her voice wavered as she spoke, but she stood her ground. renjun looked over at his friends, jaemin raising an eyebrow at him, encouraging him to go with her. he eventually gave in, keeping a slight distance from the nervous girl as they walked around the school grounds together.

“what did you want to talk about?” he coughed slightly, feeling an immense amount of awkwardness around them.

“i wanted to tell you something” she started, now stopping in their tracks. renjun gulped, a guilty feeling beginning to rise in his stomach.

“i like you, renjun. more than a friend” she finally spat out, trying to read the reaction of the boy across from her. but renjun remained silent, eyes avoiding hers. y/n felt deflated, why the hell wasnt he saying anything?

“i-thank you” he stuttered, causing her to raise an eyebrow at him. thank you?

“i mean thank you for telling me, it’s nice that you’re so honest” renjun tried to smile, but she didn’t budge. he wasn’t taking this seriously at all.

“you know what, just forget i said anything, bye renjun” y/n rolled her eyes, fed up with this constant rejection that seemed to follow her around. why couldn’t she get a happy ending? just for once. why did she have to settle for less than what she deserved? not only did she get rejected by a crush that day, she lost a great friend. y/n swore that she would stop focusing on chasing other’s affections. what was the point? she was just going to get rejected anyway. atleast that’s what she always told herself. those memories always stuck with her, and she refused to ever feel so dejected in life. she wouldn’t let this happen again. she just wanted someone to confess to her for once, would that really be so hard?

park jisung was a simple boy, cruising through life with little to no worries. all he wanted to do was finish high school, he dreaded it more than anything. everyday was the same for him, waking up to the same alarm, riding his skateboard to school, sitting for what seemed like forever, then going home to rest and repeat. he never took notice of those around him, why would he? it’s not like he was going to stay in touch with many of them after school finished. except for his best friend, chenle, he could never escape him no matter how hard he tried.

it was the first day of junior year, when jisung found himself placed in a seating plan for his modern history class.

‘is this really necessary?’ he mumbled to himself, shuffling to his assigned seat. atleast it’s by the window, he thought to himself.

y/n strolled through the halls, making her way to her first period class, modern history. a new year, a fresh new start. she waltzed into the room, noticing students gathering around the seating chart. she found her name, whipping her head around the classroom, eyes landing on a messy haired boy next to the window. she shrugged to herself, not recognising him at all. as she made her way to the desk, jisung suddenly perked up. she was stunning. it may have only been nine in the morning, but seeing her was enough to completely wake the previously tired boy up.

“hey, i guess we’re deskmates” y/n greeted politely, taking a seat right next to the timid boy. jisung was thinking of something witty to say, but nothing was coming to mind.

“y-yes we are” was all he managed to let out. y/n just nodded at him, eyes focusing on their teacher who had called the attention on the room. but jisung couldn’t keep his eyes off her. how had he never seen her before? she was practically glowing, her soft features accentuated by the light. he was breath taken by her, despite only having shared simple greetings.

y/n felt the boy staring at her, but decided not to call him out on it. she promised herself to not get involved with anyone this year. it would only bring her eventual rejection again. so she tried her best to ignore park jisung, it was the only way to get him to lose interest.

“i don’t think she’s too fond of me” jisung confides in his best friend, chenle as they sit under the bleachers, munching on their lunch.

“can you blame her? you probably ask her too many unnecessary questions” chenle smirked, teasing his pouty friend.

“no, i don’t even talk to her much, she just refuses to acknowledge my existence” jisung lets out an exhausted puff, thinking back to his numerous attempts to atleast become acquainted with his desk mate. firstly, he tried greeting her brightly each morning, in which she would only raise her eyebrows before pulling out her books for the class. secondly, jisung attempted to ask her questions about class work, in which she shushed him, pointing over to the teacher who was speaking. even after class, she would immediately pack her things before he had the chance, rushing out the door as if she was the flash or something.

“sounds like she just isn’t fond of people in general. does she even have any friends?” chenle questioned, trying his best to pull his friend out of his solemn state.

“i-i’m not sure, i mean she has to have atleast one friend...right?” jisung started thinking to himself. if he couldn’t get her to talk, maybe her friends would.

“you might be playing with fire here, is she really worth getting to know?” chenle scoffed, slightly admiring jisung’s determination.

“you never know unless you try, right?” jisung took a bite of his sandwich, there has to be a way for y/n to open up to him.

//

“i heard that park jisung has been going around, asking about you” one of y/n’s longest friends, ningning, suddenly brought up. y/n looked at her as if she was crazy, what is up with this park jisung dude?

“what does he want with me?” she rolled her eyes slightly, flipping through her history textbook.

“maybe he likes you? or maybe, he just wants to be friends. why are you so harsh to him anyway?” ningning sighed, memories of seeing her friend cry over boys now cluttering her mind.

“i don’t need any more friends. i have you, and like...sungchan” y/n shrugged, continuing to take notes as she read.

“i think you’re being unreasonable, he seems really nice. give him a chance” ningning tried persuading her friend but y/n was stubborn. she wasn’t going to get wrapped up in any unnecessary drama. maybe she was being a little rude towards jisung, she could cut it down a bit. but being anything more than classmates was not in the cards for her at all.

the following monday morning, jisung entered the classroom, skateboard attached to his hip.

“mr park, the skateboard stays at the front of the room, we’ve been through this” mr kim warned the tired boy, earning a subtle nod from him. jisung gently placed his skateboard against the wall, before making his way to his desk. he was surprised to see that y/n was already seated, scribbling down all sorts of things in her planner. jisung let out a soft cough, signalling her to raise her head to face him.

“could i uh get to my seat?” he muttered, barely loud enough for her to hear. he was more shocked to hear her response,

“oh of course, sorry jisung” he froze after she finished speaking. was this real life? was y/n really acknowledging him right now?

she scooted closer to her desk, allowing space for the tall boy. jisung quickly snapped out of his thoughts, rushing to sit down. she couldn’t help but let out a slight chuckle at his antics. it didn’t go unnoticed by jisung.

“may i have your attention? as you all know, it’s now the middle of the term. to test your knowledge, i want you guys to pair up with your desk-mates and make a presentation on a historical topic of your choice. please refer to the assessment outline for more information”

jisung was practically beaming after hearing ‘pair up with your desk-mate’. his eyes shifted to the girl next to him, who seemed quite pleased. she looked over at him, simply nodding, acknowledging their future partnership. did he wake up in some type of alternate universe?

“uh jisung, i really want to do well in this subject. so we should probably get started as soon as possible” y/n gently tapped the side of his desk, drawing in his attention.

“oh yeah, for sure. w-when did you want to start?” he stumbled over some of his words, catching her off guard, making her softly smile.

“maybe tomorrow? do you have a free period?” she continued the flow of the conversation, making jisung feel more at ease.

“uh yeah, just before lunch” he responded, watching as her face lit up.

“oh great! me too, we can work at the bleachers, barely anyone goes there anyway” she confirmed, writing down the extra details in her planner. jisung couldn’t stop staring at her, how could she do such simple tasks, yet look so beautiful?

all he had to say was, thank you mr kim.

//

y/n patiently waited for jisung to arrive, typing up random notes on her laptop. she was onto her second paragraph when she heard the huffing and puffing of someone next to her. jisung hurriedly sat down next to her, needing to take a deep breath.

“a-are you okay?” she questioned, shutting her laptop, turning her body to face the boy. jisung just nodded, holding up a finger before speaking.

“i just had chemistry with Mr Jung, he wouldn’t let us leave until we could recite the first twenty elements on the periodic table” jisung finally felt relaxed, taking out his water bottle, consuming a concerning amount of water. her mouth created a slight ‘O’ shape, grasping the situation.

“i had to sprint here, i always get stuck past Sodium” jisung continued rambling, allowing y/n to simply stare intently. she didn’t mean for it to seem creepy, but she couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at his constant ramblings.

“a-ah sorry, we should probably get started” he shook his head, pulling out his own laptop from his bag. y/n nodded at his words, unsure of how to continue a conversation with him. it had been a while since she spoke to someone outside her inner circle of two people.

after about forty minutes of hardcore work, y/n’s eyes started wandering around. she caught sight of the boys soccer team, who were preparing for their lunch time practice. jisung’s eyes followed hers,

“you like soccer?” he blurted out, trying his best to start a conversation with her. she nodded softly, the side of her mouth curving upwards.

“yeah, i do. i’m no good at it, i just like watching. do you?” she questioned him back, eyes now focusing on him.

“of course, my parents weren’t so subtle, naming me after a famous soccer player and all” he joked, watching as the girl across from him started hysterically laughing. oh how he adored her laugh.

“oh my god, i didn’t even realise! they must have been onto something! why aren’t you on the team?” she furrowed her eyebrows, jisung bit his lip nervously,

“ah yeah, contrary to popular belief, i suck at soccer and didn’t make the team.” he sighed, feeling slightly embarrassed. y/n paused momentarily before opening her mouth,

“ah who cares! we can just watch together from the stands then” she shot him a soft smile, relieving some of the tension jisung had previously felt. the bell for lunch rang through the field, signalling that their free period had come to an end. jisung was about to pack up his things, when he noticed that y/n was still sitting, eyes glued to the players on the field.

“hey, it’s lunch now” jisung gently tapped her shoulder, snapping her out of her mini trance. y/n just nodded,

“oh i know, i was just going to watch them practice and eat my lunch here” she explained, turning her head back to the field. jisung held the strap of his bag tightly, thinking to himself momentarily. chenle can wait, he thought to himself. jisung plumped his bag to his side as he returned to his seat right next to her.

“what are you doing?” y/n questioned the boy,

“what does it look like? i’m keeping you company” he just smiled, pulling out a packet of chips, offering her some. she couldn’t hide how entertained she was, kindly accepting his offer. they continued to watch the soccer team practice, eyes scanning for the best players.

“that jeno guy is pretty good, i’m kind of jealous” jisung pouted, causing y/n to start giggling.

“am i wrong? like who wouldn’t be jealous of lee jeno? he’s got like everything! he’s athletic, and good looking and probably gets lots of chicks” jisung praised,

“wow jisung, sounds like you have a crush!” y/n teased the boy, softly nudging him. jisung froze at the sudden contact, he liked how playful you started being with him.

“don’t you? he’s kind of a catch, i thought girls would be all over him” jisung shrugged, watching as she slowly became quiet. he was startled by her reaction, feeling heat rise to his cheeks immediately.

“d-did i say something?” he muttered, unsure whether or not she was upset.

“n-no you didn’t. i mean, lee jeno was my first boyfriend, so i can say i’ve been there and done that!” y/n let out a small scoff, she noticed that jisung had now grown concerned.

“it was nothing though, we were like 12, and he dumped me over text. hasn’t spoken a word to me since though” she sighed, eyes scanning back to the boy in question. jisung was unsure of what to say next. y/n knew she had just over shared, she couldn’t help it. once she started, sometimes she couldn’t stop. she knew it would make jisung feel uncomfortable, part of her regretting it immediately. but when she saw the boy shoot her a cheeky grin, all her worries washed away.

“it’s good to hear that one girl at this school doesn’t have a crush on lee jeno” was all he said, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

“why’s that?” she curiously questioned,

“because that means i have a chance” he just smirked, head turning to focus back on the field. y/n was speechless. was he really being serious? or was this just some playful joke? she chose not to respond, feeling heat rise to her ears and cheeks. since when was park jisung such a flirt?

//

“come on, it’ll be fun” ningning whined as she sat with y/n and sungchan at the bleachers.

“yeah, you’ll get to see me play for the first time since i got on the team” sungchan begged, watching as y/n debated to herself.

“okay fine, not like i have three assignments to do that night” she sighs, giving into her friend’s peer pressure to attend friday night’s school soccer game. ningning and sungchan high-fived eachother, slightly surprised by her response. y/n’s gaze drew to the one and only park jisung, who was currently trying to do some weird skateboards tricks with chenle. she couldn’t pull her eyes away, finding it amusing whenever he made a mistake and tried to awkwardly cover it up. ningning snickered, catching onto the entire situation.

“park jisung huh? guess it’s finally time for you to put yourself back out there?” y/n snapped out of her trance, now glaring at her friend.

“n-no, what are you talking about? i wasn’t even looking at him” y/n immediately became defensive, sungchan deciding to step in.

“you totally were, in fact i’m sure you have a little bit of drool at the side of your mouth” he playfully teased, pretending to wipe off ‘drool’ from her face. y/n shoved his hands away from her, softly pouting.

“guys, he’s just a classmate. i said i wasn’t going to get involved with anyone, remember?” the annoyed girl reiterated to her friends, who weren’t buying the act at all.

“you can’t shut off your feelings, you know? it’s clear that you’re interested in him, even if it’s the tiniest bit. and you already know he’s interested in you too! why can’t you see that?” ningning sighed, feeling sorry for how hard y/n was on herself.

“because things will get messy. i’ll end up falling harder and ruin everything. it’s not going to happen again, i won’t let it” y/n looked down at her hands, gripping her water bottle tightly.

“maybe he’s different. he’s not going to be another jeno, or renjun, or donghyuck even. just keep an open mind, you have to start lowering your walls” sungchan pulled his arm around y/n shoulders, allowing her to rest against his side. ningning held her hand in y/n’s, gently stroking the back of her hand with her thumb. inside, y/n knew her friends were right. but something kept telling her that she was going to end up broken by the end of it. she really hoped that park jisung would be different. she needed him to be different.

//

y/n and jisung were halfway through their assignment, sitting next to eachother in the school library during their free period.

“damn, we are doing pretty well, way ahead of the schedule you had planned for us” jisung teased, eyes shifting to the page of scribbles, indicating the tasks for the assignment. y/n let out a scoff, pulling her planner towards her,

“don’t diss my planning okay? it’s just a rough outline!” she pierced her eyes at him, watching as he just smiled back at her. why does he keep doing that?

“you going to the soccer game tonight?” jisung nervously stammered, trying to play off as if he didn’t care too much about it. y/n only smirked at his words, placing down her pen before responding,

“may i ask why you’re asking?” she leant back in her chair, watching as jisung shifted his position so that he was directly facing her. she held her breath for a moment, not realising how close he actually was to her right now.

“because i’m going, and i was wondering if you wanted to watch it together. you know, since we are just the spectators rather than the players?” y/n wasn’t sure why she felt so...flattered, he really was unknowingly charming.

“oh yeah, i’m going, but i’ll be sitting with my friend” she tried to push the idea of her and jisung sitting alone for two hours in the cold, out of her mind. but jisung wasn’t going to back down so easily.

“oh great! i’ll bring chenle too, we can all sit together” he smiled widely before returning to type on his laptop. y/n let out a soft sigh. it doesn’t look like he will be giving up anytime soon.

//

y/n and ningning were both cozied up together on the bleachers, eyes on the lookout for sungchan. they locked eyes with the tall boy, waving at him erratically, causing him to respond in the exact same manner, gaining looks from his team mates.

“oh i sure hope they win, otherwise we’re making him buy us hot chocolate, i’m freezing!” y/n huffs, her breath now appearing infront of her.

“someone say hot chocolate?” the familiar voice rang through her ears. jisung was now seated next to her, two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. her mouth was agape, watching as the boy handed her friend one cup, then offering her the other. ningning kindly thanked him, gently nudging y/n’s arm.

“and one for my favourite desk mate” jisung snickered as she gently took the cup from him.

“hey! i thought i was your favourite desk mate!” chenle, who was on the other side of jisung, whined. jisung let out a scoff, softly shoving his friend,

“that was three years ago, things change” chenle continued to sulk, jisung not paying any attention to him. y/n couldn’t hide her amusement, taking a small sip from the warm cup of goodness.

“thanks jisung, i’ll pay you back” she offered kindly, reaching for her bag, but jisung stopped her, his hand wrapping around her wrist. y/n’s eyes shifted from his hand, to his face. jisung quickly removed his hand from her wrist, placing them into the pockets of his large coat.

“it’s on me, take it as a thankyou, for being such a great partner” a soft grin was plastered on his face. y/n just nodded, continuing to sip on the drink. the game had finally started, cheers of their fellow classmates echoed throughout the stands. sungchan played his best, assisting jeno in scoring the winning goal. the group of four in the stands, wailed at the top of their lungs, gaining the attention of those around them. y/n couldn’t stop laughing, continuously slapping jisung’s arm as she did so. jisung couldn’t stop looking at her. all he could think about was how gorgeous she looked in this light, the state of pure happiness she was currently in. it was enough for him to fall harder for her. along with her, not so gentle, slaps to his arm, jisung could swear he was in heaven.

“i-i’m sorry, jisung” she quickly calmed down, now realising how hard her slaps actually were. jisung shook his head,

“its okay, i’ll be your human punching bag any day, if it means you’ll hang out with me more” he smirked, causing her mouth to open slightly. was this guy even real? how could he come up with such cheesy lines?

“you’re an odd character, park jisung” y/n slightly shook her head in amusement, allowing her arm to brush against his as they sat closer together.

“it’s one of my best qualities” it sure was.

after the game ended, sungchan ran up to the group, jumping up and down, still pumped from his win.

“you did amazing!” y/n engulfed him into a warm hug. jisung watched the interaction unfold, part of him wishing you would be comfortable enough to embrace him like that one day.

“thanks for coming guys, i really appreciate it” sungchan smiles over to jisung and chenle who were aimlessly standing.

“anyone wanna get milkshakes or something? on me” chenle suddenly pipes up, watching as everyone’s face lit up.

“and this is why you’re my best friend” jisung pulled the other boy by his shoulders as the rest followed the pair. it was short drive in sungchan’s car, to the nearest diner. y/n was slightly shivering whilst in the car, jisung immediately noticed. he debated on whether or not to offer her his coat, but didn’t want to seem too persistent about it. as y/n stepped out of the car, she felt strong shiver throughout her body. jisung pushes his prior worries aside, immediately slipping off his coat, draping it around her shoulders.

“o-oh you don’t have to do this, jisung” she tried to decline, but the boy refused.

“nope, you’re cold and i’m already warm in this hoodie, just accept it” he convinced her, not taking no for an answer. as the five of them stepped into the diner, ningning made a beeline for her favourite booth near the back window. she slid herself into the booth, with sungchan next to her. y/n slide herself in the seat across from her friends, jisung quickly shoving in right next to her, chenle on his other side, once again. ningning gave y/n a playful smirk, eyes scanning over the overly large coat she had on. y/n raised her eyebrows, eyes straining, warning her friend to not mention it.

y/n’s eyes shifted over to jisung, who had started a conversation with sungchan and chenle about some new video game that was coming out soon. she watched as he threw his head back in laughter, continuing to argue with chenle about who was the best avatar in the game.  she then noticed how he balled hands into fists, gently rubbing them against the surface of his pants. he would occasionally blow on them, trying his best to get some warmth. she felt guilty for taking his coat, but knew he would do anything in his power to have her wear it. so she swallowed some of her pride, reaching for his hands. jisung froze at the sudden contact, trying to not make it obvious to the rest that he was now disengaged from the conversation entirely.

“w-what are you doing?” he muttered, moving closer to y/n, which made her slightly blush. she pulled his hands into her lap, wrapping them in the excess material of the oversized coat.

“they looked cold, i’ll warm them up for you” she softly smiled, and jisung swore his heart was about to burst out of his chest. was this real life? it couldn’t be, it had to be some crazy dream he was having.

y/n noticed the sudden shyness from jisung, heat now rising to his ears. she would be lying if she said she didn’t find him adorable. her heart racing as the close contact.

the rest of the night was spent chatting away between the five of them. from how lee donghyuck got suspended for putting shaving cream in the soccer coach’s cap, to the dreaded mid term exams that were approaching. y/n wished she had participated more in the discussions, but her thoughts were too preoccupied by park jisung. his hands still rested in hers, her fingers slowly beginning to smooth over his own, making his heart skip beats. he felt himself lean in closer to her as the night went on, practically crushing her against the window, but she didn’t mind.

“we should get heading home now, our parents are probably wondering where we are” ningning pouted as they all raised from their seats. jisung didn’t want to pull his hands away from y/n’s, making the bold decision to intertwine their fingers as they left the diner. y/n’s eyes widened at his actions as he smiled down at her. they sat in the back of sungchan’s car, as y/n felt her head lean on jisung’s shoulder, her hand still holding his. her eyes slowly became drowsy, ready to fall asleep.

“you two are really cute” ningning whispered, not knowing that y/n was listening intently,

“t-thanks” jisung whispered back, trying his best to hide how happy he was by the comment.

“so are you confessing?” chenle snickered, causing jisung to roll his eyes,

“i want to take things slow. i want her to like me back first” jisung sighed, reaching to brush some of y/n’s hair from her face.

“oh trust me dude, she likes you. she just won’t admit it yet” sungchan smiled to himself, happy to see y/n finally start opening up again.

“good, cause i’m in it for the long run” oh park jisung, who wouldn’t fall for him?

//

when jisung got to school the following monday, he saw y/n standing at the front gates, swaying slightly. she was wearing black stockings with a plaid skirt and a creme coloured sweater vest. but she was wearing something else that caught his eye.

“goodmorning jisung” she greeted the boy, fast paced walking to meet him. jisung smiled softly at her, pulling his skateboard to his side.

“goodmorning, y-you’re wearing my coat” he pointed out, causing her to freeze slightly.

“o-oh yeah, do you mind? it’s been pretty chilly lately” she wrapped herself tighter, eyes facing the ground. jisung felt a swarm of butterflies emerge in his stomach, she really had that effect on him.

“it’s totally okay, you suit it better than i do” he softly chuckled, beginning to walk alongside her, arms brushing against eachother.

“you gotta stop saying stuff like that” y/n sighs, waltzing through the school hallway, to their history classroom.

“and why should i?” jisung playfully teased, tugging on her sleeve, turning her to face him. her hands instantly went to his chest, not realising how close he had pulled her to him.

“b-because” she spoke barely above a whisper. jisung’s eyebrows furrowed at her,

“because it’s making me feel things” was all she said as she pulled away from him, rushing to her desk. jisung couldn’t help but admire her awkwardness. he was slowly getting there, she had partially admitted to having feelings for him. but he knew she wasn’t going to fully admit it anytime soon. he had to make the first big move...but he needed some outside help.

//

“is there a reason why we are hiding from y/n right now?” ningning whispered, face to face with jisung.

“i want to confess to her” he blurted out, ningning’s eyes widening in shock.

“you want to confess to her?” she repeated, mind still trying to wrap around the situation.

“uh yes? is it so hard to believe? i thought i made it pretty obvio-“

“no no, i know you like her. it’s just that, she’s never EVER had a boy confess to her before. it’s always been her making the moves” ningning explains, jisung’s mouth pressing into a firm line.

“she’s not used to this type of attention. like where the guy is genuinely interested in her as a person, and the things she likes. she’s used to always getting to know the guy, doing everything in her power to gain some type of feelings for her. then she ends up hurt after she realises that she fell harder than they did for her” jisung would be lying if this wasn’t hurting him. how could they do that to someone as caring and loving as y/n?

“how do i show her that i’m different?” jisung stammers, nerves slowly taking over. ningning just giggles,

“you’re already half way there. trust me, she knows inside that you’re not like the rest. you just have to hit it out of the park with a bomb ass confession! here’s what i’m thinking...” ningning continues to whisper to the boy, jisung stringing along to every word. operation confession for y/n was underway.

//

“hey, are we ready to hand in our assignment?” y/n approached jisung just before class. he responded with an affirmative nod, pulling out the ten page report from his backpack. her eyes widened at his efforts, admiring how prettily he presented the report.

“j-jisung” she stuttered, flipping through each page.

“i had some spare time last night, don’t mention it” he winks at her as she felt heat rise to her cheeks. she quickly moved to her seat next to him, trying her best to hide her face with her hair. but jisung noticed, smirking to himself. could she be any more adorable?

“there’s another soccer game on friday! did you want to sit together again?” jisung turned over the the girl next to him, catching her completely off guard. y/n looked over to jisung, his face completely softened, his eyes practically begging her to say yes.

“y-yeah i’d like that” she nodded, silently cheering that she would get to spend another night with park jisung. the plan was now in motion.

//

jisung was standing under the bleachers, awaiting y/n’s arrival. chenle approached him, giving him a slight pat on the back.

“you ready, buddy?” chenle whispered, a cheery expression on his face. jisung slowly nodded.

“yeah, the worst she could say is no” jisung tried his best not to psych himself out, reviewing his confession in his head.

“they’re here” chenle announces, eyes drifting to y/n and ningning. jisung took a deep breath, moving slowly towards the pair of girls. y/n was the first to notice him, shooting him a small smile, meeting him halfway.

“good evening ladies” chenle greets, making ningning giggle.

“oh please, we are barely ladies” she sighs, stepping past groups of people to find a seat for the four of them. chenle followed her in suit, with y/n and jisung straggling behind. jisung nudged y/n’s shoulder, giving her a small nod. she returned the gesture, feeling slightly awkward. but she pushed it aside, happy to spend another evening with jisung. she noticed that throughout the game, jisung’s leg kept bouncing up and down. she sensed he was nervous about something, it was either that or he was just really cold.

“do you want my coat to cover your legs? i brought an extra blanket with me” y/n whispered to jisung, causing him to halt his movements. he looks over at her, as she was halfway to taking off her coat.

“why don’t we just share the blanket?” jisung slyly comments. now it was her turn to freeze. she looked over at him, lips pressed in a firm line. as she placed her coat back on, and pulled out the blanket, jisung could feel his heart pumping faster than it had ever before. this was a good sign, right? she must like him back...right?

y/n gently placed the half the blanket over his knees, moving herself closer to him to gather warmth. she didn’t say much to him after, too focused on the game they were watching. but the position they were in right now, was all that was on jisung’s mind.

the game ended with a close win by sungchan’s team. although everyone was celebrating, it was noticeable that sungchan was not proud of how he played.

“dude don’t beat yourself up about it, it happens to the best of us” chenle tried to comfort. sungchan just nodded, not wanting to talk much about it.

“okay grumpy pants, let’s go get some food” ningning pulls the sulky not by the arm, chenle on the other side of him, doing the same.

“you two coming?” ningning calls from behind her. before y/n could answer, jisung reaches for her wrist, stopping her in her path.

“c-could i steal y/n for the night?” jisung didn’t let go of her wrist, watching as their three friends all had identical smirks.

“sure thing, see you two tomorrow” chenle winks, rushing off with the others. y/n’s face contorted into utter confusion. the feeling of jisung’s warm hand wrapped around her wrist made her nervous. he let out a short cough before letting go.

“what did you want to talk about?” she questioned, allowing multiple students to pass by her. jisung didn’t respond immediately, pulling her to sit at the bleachers again. he reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out a pink folded piece of paper. her eyes were immediately drawn to it, but part of her was still wondering what this entire debacle was about.

“i-i don’t want you to read this yet. well until i tell you what i have to say” jisung mutters, hands becoming sweaty. this was such a different jisung to watch y/n was used to seeing. he always made witty jokes out of any situation, and was barely ever...nervous.

“go on” she urged, eyes still glued to that piece of paper. jisung cleared just throat, eyes finally meeting those of the girls across from him.

“i have a crush on you” those words had y/n stunned. her mouth became agape, no proper words able to be formed. jisung decided to continue,

“i know that you aren’t looking for a relationship or anything. and you’ve been hurt before. but i just had to tell you. i couldn’t keep it inside anymore” he finally admitted, shoulders now slouching. his eyes wavered from hers at times, but they were now drawn to his hands. y/n wasn’t sure how to respond. this was her first ever confession. the first person to actually have interest in her first. she wasn’t used to this at all. jisung was a nice guy, she knew he was. but was he the guy for her? or was she just struck with the idea of him confessing first? did she even really like him that way?

jisung noticed the mini debate occurring in the girl’s mind, part of his ego becoming bruised. y/n wanted to say something articulate back to him but she couldn’t find the right words.

“uh t-thanks for telling me, jisung. it must have taken a lot of courage” that wasn’t the way he expected things to go, but he continued listening to her.

“but are you really sure you like me? like really sure?” y/n questioned, the idea still not wrapping around her head. jisung was in disbelief, was he not obvious enough?

“i’m more than sure. i’ve liked you ever since i’ve met you” he mutters, feeling completely dejected.

“t-that’s not possible. you didn’t even know me then” she shook her head, eyes drifting to the hurt expression that was now on jisung’s face.

“i didn’t need to. you were so beautiful to me. i had to get to know you. i thought i made it pretty obvious that i liked you. but i guess i should have done a bit more, maybe save myself the embarrassment” he mumbled the last part to himself. his words striking her right in the heart. she didn’t want to come off as rude or unappreciative. but how was she meant to know this wasn’t some kind of joke, or if his feelings were true.

“is it really that hard to believe that i like you?” jisung tried his best to remain calm, but he wanted nothing more than to dig a hole and lay in it.

“yes. it is. because guys don’t confess to me. they just don’t. they don’t fall for me first” she continued to tell herself, watching as jisung’s face flatten.

“you can keep thinking that. but it’s not true. i’m living proof. i really thought you liked me too. i must have misread this entire thing” hearing those words stung her heart. she did like jisung. maybe not as much as he claimed he liked her, but she definitely had feelings towards him as more than a friend. but she didn’t feel ready, for any of this.

“jisung, it’s not like that. i like you too, i just don’t think i’m ready” she whispers, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. jisung could barely look at her, an overwhelming wave of embarrassment washing over him.

“when will you ever be ready? because by the looks of it, it seems like you never will be” jisung shook his head, forcefully brushing through strands of his hair. y/n moved closer to the boy, placing her hand onto his shoulder. she felt him tense at the contact, his eyes finally coming back up to meet hers again.

“i-i don’t know when i’ll be ready. i just need some time to think about it” she sighed, not wanting to rub more salt into the wound. jisung only nodded in response. there was no use trying to convince her any further. jisung accepted her reasons, even though he held resentment towards her for initially rejecting him.

“i’ll give you some space. let me walk you home atleast” jisung stood up, offering his hand to her. y/n cautiously took his hand in hers, slowly walking alongside the tall boy.

silence filled the air on their walk home. the only sounds being heard were the hoots of owls and screeching of cicadas. jisung had let go of her hand along the way, which pained her to admit, she missed his touch immediately. as they made it to her front door step, jisung was in a rush to get home, ready to sob his eyes out. but y/n stopped him.

“i understand that you’re upset. trust me, i know how it feels. but i hope you can see where i’m coming from” she mumbled as jisung nodded along to her words.

“it’s fine, i get it. i’ll just give this to you now” he pulled out the folded paper from earlier, handing it over to her.

“if you still don’t believe i like you, that should give you a sign about how much i actually do. have a nice night” he shrugged at her, turning his back to walk away. she watched as he left her driveway, head hung low. she shook the thoughts out of her mind, opening the door to her house. she didn’t bother looking back at jisung, closing the door behind her. but just as she entered her home, jisung’s gaze lingered on her. how could she have hurt him so much in such a short amount of time, yet he still felt the exact same about her?

park jisung, you are a fool. he thought to himself on his way home. how would he move on from this?

//

after the long night she had, y/n wanted nothing more but to sleep her problems away. but as she held onto the pink paper in her hands, she knew she wasn’t getting any sleep. she seated herself on her bed, carefully unfolding the paper, her heart racing.

“dear y/n,

if you’re reading this, i’ve just confessed to you. and you’ve most likely rejected me. i understand why you did it, i really do. i just couldn’t hold it inside any longer. i know you aren’t looking for anything serious at the moment. but i want you to know that i’ll be waiting for you. i hope that one day you realise how amazing you really are, and how i would be the luckiest guy in the world, to have you reciprocate my feelings. i honestly feel like you’re out of my league. i mean, you’re so confident in yourself. and you never let people bring you down. you’re so optimistic about such trivial things, it’s started to rub off on me a bit. i appreciate the sweet moments we’ve had together, and i hope you do as well. i don’t want to lost hope, that’s something you’ve taught me. you’re now nearing the end of this awfully structured letter, and i just want to say, that you deserve the world, and i can be the guy to give it to you. if you just give me a chance.

- park jisung (you already know who it’s from i just wanted to sound formal okay bye)”

y/n suddenly felt tears stream down her cheeks. for once in her life, she felt truly appreciated and cared for in return. of course she could see herself with jisung. it wasn’t a hard decision for her to make up her mind about it. but her constant doubts always held her back. it wasn’t fair to jisung at all, to keep him stringing along. she needed to make a decision, quick. there was no way she was going to hurt this boy.

//

the following monday morning, jisung patiently awaited y/n’s arrival in class. he nibbled on the side of his lip, tapping his pen rapidly on the desk. other students asked him to stop, as they were getting annoyed at the sounds but he couldn’t help it. he was praying she read the letter and didn’t just discard of it.

just as he was slipping into his own thoughts, he felt a sudden slam of books on the desk. his eyes met y/n’s as she sat down next to him. his quickly broke eye contact, flipping through his textbook as if he was studying. but she caught on to the boy’s antics, tapping him on the shoulder. jisung froze at the contact, looking over at the girl, who was still wearing his jacket.

“this is for you” she pulled out a small jar of origami hearts, sliding it over to his side of the desk. she felt heat rise to her ears, slightly embarrassed at the sweet gesture. jisung was practically speechless, his heart beating at a rapid pace.

“wow thank you, i love it” he gave her a gentle smile, eyes suddenly disappearing. she only nodded back, unsure of how to continue.

“i read your letter” she got to the point, jisung’s attention fully attended to her.

“i didn’t realise you felt so deeply about me, jisung. i thought you just had a silly crush, maybe that’s why i thought it would be easy to push you away. but you never let it go. and i’ve never had anyone do that for me before. so thank you” y/n barely whispers, feeling her palms begin to sweat. which was only something that happened when she was extremely nervous.

“what i’m saying is. you’re not like the guys i’ve liked before. you like me for me, and you genuinely want to be with me. so would you consider going on a date with me to the movies this weekend?” she cautiously suggested, watching as the boy’s face lit up in utter glee. he wanted nothing more but to pull her close and swing her around as he hugged her. but they were still in class, he needed to be tame...for now.

“i would freaking love that” he chuckled, causing you to smirk at his response.

“i’m glad you accepted my confession, i would have given you the silent treatment if i really tried” jisung pouted, making a fake angry expression, crossing his arms. she gently slapped his shoulder, laughing at the boy’s ridiculous antics. if this what it was like dating park jisung, then bring it on.

//

[ three months later ]

“come on! sungchan shoot!!” ningning’s voice echoed through the stands, the whole crowd geared up for the school’s soccer grand final. y/n and jisung were bundled up together, sipping on their hot chocolates, silently praying for that grand final win. there was only a minute left, jeno passed to sungchan and...he scores!

all the students from their school

jumped up, screaming endless cheers at the team. ningning waved her mini flag she made with sungchan’s face on it, as y/n and jisung hollered with the crowd.

“you did so great out there” y/n complimented her friend, like many times before, pulling him into an embrace. she saw how jisung slightly pouted, missing her warm touch. she slipped perfectly back to his side, his arm instantly wrapped around her waist as the crew made their way to the diner. jisung held y/n back, offering to meet the rest later on. y/n was yet again confused, following her boyfriend’s steps to sit on the bleachers.

“what’s up, sung? everything okay?” she pouts, watching as jisung nervously looks up at her.

“i love you” he blurts out, hands covering his mouth once he does. her eyes widen, not expecting those three words to leave his mouth at all. she pressed her lips into a firm line, her mind comprehending the situation. jisung was left worried, trying to read her expressions as best he could. he hoped he didn’t scare her away, it would completely ruin him.

“you’re just in luck” jisung’s head whipped up and met her. “because i love you too” y/n whispered, inching closer to the boy. his hands gently stroked her cheek, it was slightly cold but she didn’t mind. her lips fanned over his, ready to press them together. as she did so, jisung smiled widely into the kiss, hands coming to squish her cheeks together. it made both of them giggle for a bit, breaking the kiss momentarily. before jisung pulled her back in.

y/n soon realised that she didn’t need to live in fear of rejection any longer. because jisung gave her every ounce of reassurance she needed. the boys from her past slowly fizzled away from her memory, jisung now taking place as the one boy who truly loved her.

a/n: pls let me know what you all think!! 

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Transferring Hearts (L.MH)

Warnings : gangs, fighting, swearing, drugs, suggestive content (if you squint)

Word Count : 3453

Synopsis : she didn’t only transfer schools, she also found herself transferring hearts.

“You’ll regret choosing them over us.” Her now ex-boyfriend, Choi Hyun Suk, threatened, his hand wrapped around her arm so tight she could feel the bruise forming before he let go. “I’ll make sure of it.”

           “You don’t scare me, Choi Hyun Suk.” She spat, hatred in her eyes that once held so much love for him. A sinister smirk took over the anger on his face as he pushed her up against the wall, holding both her arms above her head, watching as she struggled to get away.

           “I should, princess. I know all your weaknesses.” She stopped trying to get away, meeting Hyun Suk’s eyes. He wouldn’t go that far. He wasn’t that evil. But one look into his eyes and she knew. The boy she fell in love with in high school was gone; there was absolutely no sign of him left.

           “You leave him out of this.” He let out a sinister chuckle before leaning in really close to her face. She could smell the booze and cigarettes on his breath, a smell she definitely won’t miss.

           “I don’t think I will, princess. He’s always been apart of this, and you know that.” He let her go, taking a couple steps back, but she stayed put, knowing he wasn’t finished. “He created this family, he made us who we are today.”

           “You look really out of it today.” Hyunjin said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She broke up with Hyun Suk one month ago now, and he hasn’t made a move. Not on her, not on her friends, and not on her brother. He was planning something big, that’s something she knew for sure.

           “Just some personal things, Jinnie.” She replied, barely able to meet his eyes. When she transferred from YG to JYP, she didn’t expect things to get messy. She promised herself she would always return to her boys; she would always return to Hyun Suk. They were her family, her whole world.

           But Felix was persistent on being in her life. No matter how hard she pushed him away, he always came back. She found it difficult to say no to the freckled face boy, suddenly wanting to be in his life. It’s not betrayal to make new friends.

           “What happened?!” Her hands delicately grabbed Felix’s injured face, inspecting each injury thoroughly before sitting him down and grabbing her first aid kit. “Who did this to you, Lix?” She asked, tears in her eyes every time he winced from the pain.

           “Choi Hyun Suk and his goons.” Her working hands froze at his name, her heart shattering. “It’s okay.” He smiled, grabbing one her hands, pulling her from her thoughts. “It’s not the first time, don’t worry about it.”

           “I’ll take care of it.” She whispered, going back to working on his injuries. “No one will hurt you again, not on my watch.” He chuckled, not realizing how serious she was.

           She knew her boys were no longer her boys the day Felix came in with bruises and cuts littering his body. And she was going to take care of it.

           A couple days after Felix came to school with injuries, it was her turn. Hyunjin was the first to bombarde her with questions as the two of them, along with Seungmin, shared multiple classes together. “I had to take care of business. This is nothing.” She tried to be nonchalant, but she was in pain. She just wanted to talk to them, figure out where they were going wrong. But they labeled her a traitor, attempting to beat her to a pulp like they did others.

           “What do you mean you were taking care of business?” Hyunjin questioned, his brows furrowed.

           “I think you already know.”

           “You were one of them.” The slight nod of her head was all the confirmation Hyunjin needed. “Did they do this to you because you stood up for Felix?” She turned her head to look at Hyunjin. He could see the answer in her eyes, the way she looked so hurt, so betrayed.

           “I made my choice and suffered the consequences.” But Hyun Suk’s words echoed in her mind like a catchy song from the radio. “I just hope I won’t regret it.”

           The class ended and the three of them headed for the cafeteria, meeting their other friends at their normal table. “Hyunjin. Seungmin.” Chan said, his eyes glossing over her completely. “Minho needs us.”

           “Bring me with you.” She spoke up, knowing the familiar look in Chan’s eyes. The same look Hyun Suk would give the boys when business needed to be done.

           “No offence,” Chan tried to speak, but she interrupted him.

           “You’re going to need me. I know those boys better than anyone.” The groups eyes were trained on her, thinking about what her words could mean. But Hyunjin knew. Hyunjin figured it out a month ago but kept it a secret.

           “She’s right, Chan.” Hyunjin spoke up, taking everyone by surprise. “She’s their weakness.” The conversation Felix had with her after his beating started to make more sense. The bruises that littered her body a couple days later made sense. They didn’t want to believe that the girl they befriended, the girl they opened their group to, was apart of the rival gang.

           “Follow us.” Her eyes quickly met Felix’s, giving him an apologetic look, before following Chan with Hyunjin and Seungmin by her side.

           Changbin and Minho were already in the meeting room when they arrived. She held her head up high as she approached Minho. “Why are you here?” He questioned, glancing behind her, and scowling at Chan. “This is an important meeting, and you’re not welcome here.”  

           “She was one of them, hyung. Without her, we don’t know where to start.” Hyunjin spoke, earning a glare from Minho.

           “Listen, I know you don’t like me, and if I’m honest, I’m not fond of you either. But I need you, and frankly, you need me too. Those guys play dirty, but I know all their secrets.” Minho scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest, and sitting back in his chair.

           “How can I trust you?” She took no offence, knowing she would wonder the same thing had the roles been reversed.

           “Because Choi Hyun Suk threatened to kill my brother. And I would do anything to protect my brother.” No one else said anything for a couple of minutes; Minho pondered her statement, wondering if she was telling the truth.

           “She got beat up protecting Felix, hyung.” Hyunjin spoke up again. “She chose us, now we need to choose her.” The anger on Minho’s face softened at the new information. Felix, Jisung, and Jeongin have been friends with the five of them since high school, long before the five of them got into this life. But still, they vowed to protect the three of them. Minho always hated that there was nothing he could do to help Felix, knowing that boy couldn’t hurt a fly even if he tried.

           “You protected Felix?” He asked, his voice no longer had the bite it previously did, allowing her to let her guard down.

           “He’s been nothing but kind and giving since I got here. My loyalty runs deep for those I care about, and that no longer includes Choi Hyun Suk, Kim Junkyu, Yoshi, Yoon Jaehyuk, or Bang Ye-dam. Just as I would do anything to protect my brother, I’ll do anything to protect Felix.”

           “What’s the plan then?” When those words left Minho’s mouth, everyone took a seat and the meeting finally began.

*

         Everything happened so fast; she could barely comprehend everything that just happened. All that could be heard was the heavy breathing of everyone surrounding her, but she didn’t focus on that. She could only focus on the smug look on Hyun Suk’s face as her shoe dug into his chest. “What did you just say?” She tried to keep her voice level, trying not to let anyone know how close she was to breaking.

           “I said, shouldn’t you be protecting your brother instead of fighting with me?” She looked around at the others, all having varying injuries to their bodies, some collapsed on the ground. Slowly, she backed away from her ex, allowing him to come to his feet once again, staring at her like she was the only person that mattered. “This could all end, you know.” Her eyes met his, and she immediately knew what he wanted. He wanted her.

           Minho watched from the other side of the room. He watched as she looked around at everyone, her eyes barely meeting his own, but he could see the pain. This was a difficult decision for her, and he knew in that moment that her brother would come before anyone else, even herself. Minho watched as her tearful eyes met Hyunjin’s, who took her side as quick as he could, protectively standing in front of her, staring directly at Hyun Suk. “She’s not yours anymore.” Choi Hyun Suk scoffed as he crossed his arms across his chest, meeting Hyunjin’s angry eyes.

           “Oh look, her new boyfriend came to her rescue. Fun, isn’t it? Protecting her and having her repay you in her special way.” He stuck his tongue in his cheek and threw his head back while letting out a soft moan. “I miss that the most.” He chuckled while looking right passed Hyunjin, into her eyes. “I know you miss me too, princess.” Minho had heard enough, stalking over to Hyun Suk, and punching him in the face.

           “Get her out of here.” Minho growled to Hyunjin, who promptly grabbed her hand and ran out of the room, Y/N trailing closely behind him.

           “I have to go to the hospital.” She let out, her tears finally streaming down her cheeks. “I have to see my brother.”

           “I’ll drive you.” The drive was quiet; soft music came through the speakers while she tried not to let out her sobs. Hyunjin had barely parked when she was jumping out of the car and running through the doors of the hospital. She had the route to her brother’s room engrained in her mind. Third floor, turn right, sixth room on the left, room 312.

           “Oppa.” She whispered as she took the chair beside his bed, her hand wrapping around his. Her heart started to calm down seeing him calmly laying there, still alive.

           “Miss Kwon, what are you doing here at this hour?” The nurse that normally watched over her brother glanced down at her watch before meeting her eyes once again.

           “I missed him.” She lied, wiping away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “Please tell me some good news.”

           “Still no change.” She turned around, facing her brother once more, brushing the hair out of her brother’s closed eyes. The injuries that once adorned his skin had faded, leaving his face in perfect condition, but he still wouldn’t wake up. “You know the chances of him waking up are small.”

           “But there’s still a chance.”

           “Yes, but if he does, he won’t be the same.”

           “He’d still be my brother.” She sobbed, laying her head on the bed while looking up to her brother’s sleeping face. The nurse just patted her shoulder before leaving, taking one last glance at the heartbroken girl crying at her brother’s bedside, silently begging him to wake up. How she wished she could do more for the young girl, but nothing could be done. They could only wait.

           “Excuse me, I’m looking for my friend. She ran in here for her brother but I don’t know her brother’s name.” Hyunjin asked the nurse as she approached the nurses station on the third floor. “Kwon is her last name if that helps.”

           “Sixth door on the left. Room 312.” She said with a soft smile. “Remind her to take care of herself, please.” The nurse pleaded, remembering the first month Ji-yong was admitted, she refused to leave his side. She remembered watching this young girl wither away before slowly getting better with the help of her boyfriend.

           Hyunjin just nodded before walking towards the room he was told she’d be in. Quietly, he slid into the room, listening as she told her brother stories of her time at JYP. “I know that YG was your home, oppa, but I think JYP is mine. I tried following in your footsteps, but they’ve tarnished your name. They even threatened to kill you, oppa. How could I stay when my new friends are so much better? I betrayed them, but I don’t feel guilty about it.”

           “You shouldn’t feel guilty for choosing people who care about you.” Hyunjin spoke up, startling the girl. “So this is your brother?” He walked closer to her, glancing towards her brother that lay there motionless.

           “The one and only.” She smiled. “Kwon Ji-yong, better known as G-Dragon.” She giggled as Hyunjin’s jaw dropped.

           “You mean to tell me you are the notorious G-Dragon’s sister?” She nodded. “Isn’t he-“

           “As you can see he’s not dead, but he’s not far off.” There were no external injuries, having all faded throughout the months he’s been laying here, but Hyunjin knew that must mean there are some extensive internal injuries. Everyone’s heard the story. It’s what started the rivalry between the big three: YG, JYP, and SM. G-Dragon was an underground rapper, the best of the best really. He was an older brother for a lot of younger guys, like Hyunjin. He also was apart of an underground boxing ring; fighting to make money and dealing on the side to make ends meet. Everyone knew G-Dragon had something to fight for, but Hyunjin couldn’t believe it was a little sister.

           “He helped me through a lot. He helped a lot of people.” She nodded, knowing very well the kind of person her brother was. The kind of guy that would do anything he could to protect those he loves. That’s what put him here. Taeyang had been his best friend since childhood. The kind of guy that wouldn’t back down from a fight, even when the odds were stacked against him. Ji-yong had to step in to stop Taeyang from getting beat to death. And now Taeyang is walking around just fine, while Ji-yong lay in this hospital bed, no one knowing if he’d ever wake up.

           “He’s all I have left.” Hyunjin placed his hand on her back, rubbing it lightly to let her know he’s here.

           “We’re your family now. You’re safe with us, I promise.”

*

         She didn’t go to school the next day, instead opting to stay by her brother’s side. Hyunjin tried to stay with her, but she all but pushed him out the door. “Is she okay?” Felix asked when he saw Hyunjin approach their table in the cafeteria. Hyunjin looked at all the concerned faces of his friends as he took his usual seat, shaking his head.

           “I’m not sure she ever was.” He admitted, images of her crying while washing her brother with a warm cloth flashing through his mind. How had he not seen the broken girl she hid behind her tough girl exterior? “Her brother has been in a coma for the last year with no signs of waking up.” Everyone exchanged saddened looks, wondering what they could do for their new friend.

           “Where is she?” Minho asked.

           “Still at the hospital.” Minho stood from the table and stormed out of the cafeteria. He ignored the calls from his friends. He only had one thought in his mind; she would not be alone, not during a time like this.

           He got the room number from Hyunjin who knew exactly where he was heading. Only a week ago he hated this girl with every fibre of his being, not trusting her the way the others did. But when she stood in front of him, ready to fight her ex because of Felix, he opened his heart to her. And now here he stood, watching this girl who seemed so strong, so tough, sobbing while holding her brother’s hand. “You should take care of yourself too.”

           She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice but smiled softly when she saw Minho standing at the door. “He comes first.” Minho walked closer to her, not liking that answer.

           “Then I guess I’ll have to take care of you.” He slid his hand into her free one, pulling her up from the chair she spent all night in. “At least grab food with me.” His grip tightened around her hand when she tried to pull away, tried to deny his request. One look in his eyes and she could tell he wouldn’t back down.

           “Okay.” She finally agreed, reluctantly letting go of her brother’s hand and following Minho to the hospital cafeteria, his hand not leaving hers until they were sitting down. “You didn’t have to come here, you know.” She said as she began to eat.

           “You shouldn’t be alone right now.” She didn’t know why, but her heart picked up at his words. Just a week ago, she couldn’t stand him, thinking he was just an arrogant prick. But now here she was enjoying a meal with him, wondering why things felt so normal with him.

*

         Minho stayed with her at the hospital, taking her to the cafeteria every day to make sure she eats. He even convinced her to allow him to take her home so she could shower and change.

           The more time she spent with him, the more she started to fall for him. Besides her brother, no one has ever taken care of her the way Minho has. He knew she needed to be by her brother’s side, so instead of forcing her away from him, he stayed by her side while she hoped for her brother’s recovery. “Oppa, I think I like him.” She spoke softly to her brother while Minho was gone on a call. “You wouldn’t believe that we hated each other only a month ago.” She giggled, shaking her head at all the memories.

           The way he would roll his eyes every time she joined their table. How he always had something to say when she spoke. Everyone else welcomed her with open arms, but he was hesitant to let her in. He hid his fears behind cocky arrogance, pretending that he was too good to be around her. But they had more in common than they expected.

           “I think you’d like him, oppa. He has the same morals you do, unlike Hyun Suk. I’m sure if you were awake, you’d approve of all my new friends. You’d be okay that I chose a different school. You’d be okay that my heart belongs to someone from a rival school.”

           Minho stood at the door, listening to the words she was telling her brother, unbeknownst to her. He could feel the familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach, knowing that she was talking about him. He could feel it in his heart that his feelings were returned. He wasn’t quite sure when it happened, his hatred turning to love, but he wasn’t going to hold back. “He’d be happy as long as you’re happy.” He spoke up, startling her much like he did when he showed up a month ago.

           “How long have you been standing there?” She asked, her eyes wide as if she had just been caught doing something illegal. He chuckled to himself, wondering if this is how she looked when she got caught by the dean of YG, a story she told him only a week ago.

           “Long enough.” He smiled, walking towards her with determination in his eyes. Once in front of her, he cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers. It was a kiss so different than the ones she shared with Hyun Suk. And she knew then that though her brother belonged at YG, she belonged at JYP. She belonged with her new found friends. Felix, Hyunjin, Chan, Jeongin, Jisung, Seungmin, Changbin; she belonged with all of them. She belonged with Lee Minho.

           This was the family she was missing. She didn’t have to try to fit in with them, she didn’t have to try to make them like her. She wasn’t walking on eggshells trying not to make them angry. They accepted her just as she was. This was the family that her brother spoke so highly of. He found his at YG, and she found hers at JYP. Because she didn’t just transfer schools all those months ago, she transferred hearts. YG to JYP. Choi Hyun Suk to Lee Minho. It just all made sense.

[2-cute-4-school]

NCT Dream reaction : another member scares you

Tw : near drowning scare, lots of bugs??

Mark Lee

donghyuck loves teasing mark

you’re mark’s s/o

results : donghyuck loves bullying you

congrats you get a free pass to cry with me cuz donghyuck is ruthless

but you learnt to live with it so it’s okay most of the time

until his friendly teasing involved a quite deep pool and your unprepared form being swung violently into it

so when you submerged underwater and didn’t come back up, mark forgot everything else and dove head first into the pool

his spiderman senses kicked in thank god

donghyuck saw his life flash before his eyes ⊙△⊙

when mark dragged you to the surface and hoisted you out of the water with donghyuck’s help, you took your sweet time before coughing violently

you gotta suck the life out of that dramatic effect ya know

mark coddled you the entire day, embracing your trembling form and keeping hyuck away despite his attempts to apologize to you :<

this man would spend an entire lifetime just taking care of you and smothering you with no complaints i swear cause you became like the centre of the universe for him ಥ_ಥ

writing music? thinks of you ; eating watermelon? y/n would like it ; showering? we could have some fun

but once he tucked you safely into bed and made sure you comfortably fell asleep after a scare that shortened both your lives by 10 years

WWIII commenced （ノ♯｀△´）ノ~’┻━┻

markhyuck summer fight pt.2

Huang Renjun

there’s ONE(1) thing you and renjun totally agree on

scary movies can suck your di- └( ͡° ︿ °͡ )┘

but the other devil spawns ( read dreamies ) decided you deserve suffering their enjoyment blame them

so you’re settled on the couch between china line with renjun trying to keep his macho man facade give up jun we know you’re babie (♥ω♥*)

but still feeling you tremble like a leaf beside him melted his lil heart :((((

so he kept a hand on your knee the entire time, rubbing random patterns on your leg in an attempt to soothe your nerves

the atmosphere became so tense, any hint of conversation dying once everyone was immersed in the movies, an eerie silence enveloping you

but when dear angel chenle decided to shriek in your ears and dig his fingers in you sides let me tell you gals

you jumped out of your skin

and spoiler alert : didn’t land back on the couch

cue dolphin noises

but when you looked up at renjun, a deep pout settled on your lips and glassy puppy eyes ( つ᷄.̯σ̣̥᷅ ) he saw red before his eyes

“YAH ZHONG CHENLE YOU WANTED SCARY MOVIES?!? I’LL GIVE YOU A SCARE ENOUGH FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, YOU RASCAL !!!1!1!!”

no one dares to scare/hurt his baby and escapes unharmed no exceptions sorry

after he taught chenle the lesson of his life, it’s cuddle time!!! (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”

he spoons you protectively and smothers you in a TON of kithes until he’s content with hearing your giggles  :>

Lee Jeno

you made it your personal mission to find a way to eradicate all bugs

no cap

and jeno just nodded along to your endless rambling about your strong dislike towards them

let’s be honest here, he was internally gushing at your cuteness like your biggest supporter (　◠ ◡ ◠　)

so when renjun dangerously nears you without a common garden bug  he found during your picnic with the dreamies in between his fingers and sticks it in your face with the hugest shit eating grin (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑

you let out the loudest screech and scramble to throw yourself in jeno’s arm who acted like your comfort blanket by now i’m so soft for jeno can you tell????

and he just 「(°ヘ°)

‘my baby?? scared?? the nerve of some people?? gotta!!!show!!them!!no one!!!NO ONE!!!messes with my baby!!!’ (｀Д´)

so he just pats you head lovingly and rubs your back until you calm down enough to let go of him

and then he leaves the cutest *smooch* on your forehead and gets up

he walks calmly towards renjun who was pretending to occupy himself with smoothing down a blanket and just...cracks his knuckles kaneki style

jeno just grabs the biggest bug he was able to find and grips the hem of renjun’s sweats harshly

wanna know what this gangsta beach does?? he frickin throws the bug down poor renjun’s pants

and then just leaves his unfortunate victim thrashing and shrieking for his life and retreats back in your arms like the terrifying baby he is

don’t mistake his softness for you as weakness!!1! he becomes ruthless when it comes to you :<

Lee Donghyuck

he’s already ruthless enough

so please PLEASE for the love of God don’t give him a reason to become even more of a devil spawn

but poor jisung didn’t get the gist bless his pure soul 🐣

you weren’t even that scared when you opened your phone to an remarkably ugly image of a cockroach (basically the same prank that was done to fetus jisung some time ago)

but you still let out a shriek loud enough to alert haechan

and while haechan seemed silent while he smothered you, his mind was going highwire which is NEVER good  (￣ェ￣;)

*time skip to the next day*

3 times

3 TIMES DID JISUNG SEE HIS LIFE FLASH BEFORE HIS EYES IN A SINGLE DAMNED DAY and he’s never been the same since

so when he barges in the living room where sweet innocent hyuck is seated on the couch with you cradled in his lap while feeding both you and himself and watching netflix 

jisung has a fit it was damn time baby chick

“you put cockroaches in the shower, in my cup AND on my pillow, do you want me to die young??!!?”

“they’re fake tho”

“I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WHEN I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK”       ⊙﹏☉

eventually jisung retreated to put some shoes on and leave the dorm for a breath of fresh air after the near-death experience he encountered

“i feel bad for him” you took pity on the kid alright

“don’t worry your pretty head”

and he just kithes the heck out of you and automatically deleted all your worries once immersed in his sweet lips who could resist him tho

until another scream echoes

“IN MY SHOES TOO?!? YOU KNOW WHAT, I MIGHT JUST MOVE OUT”

Na Jaemin

we all know jaemin enjoys photography

and you’d be a fool to believe his camera roll is not ABSOLUTELY FULL of pictures of you both candid and not

he always insisted he takes photos of things he loves or are beautiful and you’re both and even more ✿♥‿♥✿

that’s how some of your hangouts turn into mini photoshoots whenever jaemin was in the mood

and that’s how you found yourself modeling for jaemin while the other dreamies were lunging around

“i’m frying over here, can you hurry up?”

“not my fault my baby is the prettiest unlike you gremlins, hyuck”

“what’d you say?!!?!?!!” lowkey ready to swing

jaemin doesn’t spare him a second glance, he can only focus on you :>

“hey honey can you climb on that ledge for me?”

he helps you like the gentleman he is to climb the stone ledge, one hand clutching yours and the other gripping your waist softly (๑°꒵°๑)･*♡

so you’re posing, focusing on the camera when you feel a hand tightly clasp over your ankle

and jeez do you scream so loud hyuck was left fried, insulted and deaf

and you can’t even step away from the ledge before jaemin envelops you in his arms and clutches you tightly to his chest

“aigoo aigoo~ my baby it’s okay, nana is here”  in the softest voice possible (๑´ω`๑)

he smooths down your hair, petting it affectionately and as he leans down to smooch your forehead he meets eyes with a sheepish jeno who peeks over from behind the ledge

and jaemin just stares him down with that disappointed mom look 

and jeno just knows he won’t be getting any dinner tonight

but jaemin’s head is full of you you you did i mention you? so he can only coo at you and smother your entire face in little kithes :<

“you’re the absolute cutest and all mine, my cute baby” *bursting uwus* *fake gagging noises in the background from hyuck*

“so candidate no. 2 without dinner tonight huh?” hyuck: “wait no pls”

Zhong Chenle

power napping is your favorite kind of date with chenle

just curling up against each other wherever you two could fit and spooning or just cuddling or even just holding hands if the weather was too hot

okay but just imagine chenle holding someone’s hand while he sleeps i’m ded just imagining it x.x

so it’s already understood that you’re a sleep lover who isn’t tho

and while you fell asleep, chenle still had to wash the dishes after a meal with the dreamies

jaemin being the affectionate person he is cooed over your cuteness and couldn’t help himself from throwing himself beside you on the bed and jumping on it while screaming your name (basically the same thing he did to chenle :)))) )

but unfortunately you were a quite light sleeper and easily startled when woken up suddenly and not so gently  ( ͠° ͟ʖ °͠ )

so you let out a chocked noise that immediately alerted chenle who returned to see you staring at jaemin like a deer caught in headlights 

“ah hyung why would you do that? you scared them like that”

chenle whined as he pushed jaemin away who retreated with slumped shoulders and a pout don’t worry jaems we love you

and chenle just slips under the blanket and brings you closer to lay down together and soothes you ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

and he just embraces you, tangling your legs together and hiding your face in the crook of his neck while he runs his fingers through your hair comfortingly chenle would make the best cuddle buddy no take-backs

“shh it’s alright, just go back to sleep, i’ll stay with you” (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

with chenle’s assurance and tight grip on your body to bring you as close as humanly possible, you fall back asleep as chenle stares fondly at you

and that’s how chenle escaped washing dishes *ha suck it losers*

Park Jisung

jisung blames mark

mark is his oldest hyung and the supposedly most responsible debatable among them

so how could his leader scare you to tears and then dump your shaking figure for him, the baby, to take care of (���-_-)ノ ~┻━┻

jisung could only stare at you as he hovered above your curled up form

“y-y/n, come on, there’s nothing to cry about, hyung didn’t mean it”

*mark facepalms* *sm building facepalms* *the white house facepalms*

mark just motions aggressively to jisung to rub your back 

and jisung pales as if mark suggested going to a haunted house *sigh* jisung you absolute clueless baby

he SUPER HESITATINGLY pats your back awkwardly, but you only curl up into yourself even more

mark pushes jisung to sit down beside you and prompts him to comfort you properly and jisung gulps

“sooo, how are you feeling?”

*well done jisung take a guess you sharp tool* (－‸ლ)

mark is just boiling with worry you might just dump jisung after his worryingly poor attempt when your small voice cuts through

“can you please hug me, sung?” (●´^｀●)

jisung.exe has shut down please retry in a moment

“s-sure, yeah, just-”

but you just slot yourself in his lap and bury your face in his shoulder 

jisung.exe is overwhelmed by your cuteness pls spare him

but he eventually wraps his arms around you too and just rubs up and down, occasionally massaging the nape of your neck gently

“this is actually nice, can we stay like this please?” (⺣◡⺣)♡*

you just tighten your grip on him in response

and jisung rests his head on top of your head to hide his reddening face away but also to hold you even closer because despite his shy demeanor he cherishes you so so much so please have patience with this baby

mark just shakes his head from the doorway with a fond smile knowing that you’re just right for each other (︶ω︶)

[hanniiesuckle17]

Dating Seo Changbin

A/n: I am so sorry this took so long!!! i hope you like it <3 oof its been a while since I've done this style so here we go

Requested: @mrsunshine999

Tag List: @distrikt9 @mini-meanhoee @poeticallyspaghetti @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @yangomangos @jeonqqin @geminirules @crscendoforsung @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @multi-net​

Warnings: cussing, changbin being best boi, 

First of all....reader you are one lucky bitch.

Dating THE changbin

damn

Changbin is definitely one of the more domestic boys

He thriiiives with being a cuddly soft boyfriend

You probably met his parents on like your fourth date

But it was like a surprise thing 

He was like “Stop by my place because I’ve got to take care of somethings before we go out”

and you were like sure whatever so you get there like twenty minutes early and knock on the door

changbin opens and says you can wait in the living room while he is grabbing some things

first of all you notice his house is super fuckin nice

you’re like “mental note to ask who his decorated is” 

so he goes off and you walk in the living room and there are his parents just looking at you with kind expectant smiles

and you’re like “ummmm.........hello........changbin’s parents....”

changbin is like walking in and out of the room completely unaware that you are lowkey shitting your pants because omg his parents are right there and you were not prepared for this you were just promised food

its then you realize this is his parents house and he freaking tricked you into meeting them

by the time he sits down next to you on the couch you’ve practically sweated through your nice outfit and answered a billion questions

“I told you, I pick good ones mom- OW!” 

you pinched him really hard and made a nervous look towards the door. 

He laugh and got the message

the two of you said goodbye and you proceeded to whack him very hard the second the door closed behind you

loves to spoil you

anytime you're mad at him the next day you find a very expensive flower arrangement as well as a nice piece of jewelry on your desk or doorstep

he never lets you pay for anything

in fact the most common argument you have is about him spending too much money on you or not letting you pay

one time after a really big fight he secretly paid your rent for the month (which led to you yelling at him again)

“CHANGBIN YOU PAID FOR MY RENT?!”

“I thought I was doing a nice thing!”

“Yes it was very nice but I want to do things for myself!”

“But you’re so....baby....my baby....I wanna take care of you.”

“I AM NOT BABY!”

he thinks you look really cute when you’re mad so you never really end up getting anywhere with arguments like that

changbin is definitely a huge cuddler

likes being both little and big spoon

his favorite sleeping position is probably you sleeping on top of his chest so he can hug you like a teddy bear (you have replaced Munchlax haha)

probably takes you on the most aesthetic dates

he loves being your personal photographer

he can’t show you off on the skz insta so he probably has like a separate private account just to post really cute pictures of the you and him

changbin is a huge fan of couple clothes 

like any kind

his favorite is finding couple shoes like sneakers. 

he likes knowing that he could wear them onstage and bring a piece of you into the public view but its like his lil secret

changbin is like super no no about scandals so after a few months he probably announces the relationship before the press even think he is in one

changbin is like the pinterest boyfriend 

like he strives to be pinterest worthy

the boys give him so much shit about it but like lowkey he doesn’t care he just steals their coffee or something in revenge

he probably keeps like special products for you in his apartment

he always has the coffee or tea you like stocked in his kitchen

changbin is definitely the type to love hard and love fast so once this boy has you locked down in a relationship he just goes all in

you two probably move in together pretty quickly because this boy is just so anxious to be around you all the time

lowkey whiny once you move in 

“y/nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

“changbin you've said my name like 18 times what the hell do you want”

“i wanna hug.”

tries to use aegyo to get out of chores and housework

“I love dark my ass.” you say shoving a laundry basket in his arms and watching him pout 

late night gym dates at like two in the morning

the boys lowkey getting jealous of how much time he spends with you

Felix and Hyunjin basically live at your apartment

you don’t know how they got keys but somehow they are always there 

you’ll wake up one morning and felix will be randomly asleep on your couch for no reason

your dates are often crash by one of the boys but you honestly don’t mind because they are so much fun

changbin is actually the most caring and empathetic boyfriend

he always seems to know when you have a bad day or are just feeling bad about yourself

sometimes you don't even understand how he knows 

you’ll just be laying in bed on your phone after a really rough day and wanting to cry and changbin will just come up and give you the warmest gentlest bear hug 

he won’t say anything but he’ll just hold you until you want to talk or just cry it out

lets be honest changbin hugs would be the best tho

like he hugs with his whole being

in a relationship i feel like he is super affectionate so hugs are pretty common but he probably hugs differently for different circumstances

like he gives really gentle hugs when your sad and strokes your hair, kissing the top of your head

probably a big fan of quick side hugs when you're in public or with the boys

big cuddly hugs when you’re alone where he can rock you side to side or flop onto the couch with you

so ‘i love you’

again changbin falls fast and hard so he would for sure be the first one to fall in love

but he wants you to say it first because he knows sometimes he can move too quickly and he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable

the first time you say it changbin is just so happy 

before you can even finish the sentence he’s already saying it back

“I love you-”

“I love you more.”

he never forgets an anniversary even if he is on tour

during one of their breaks he flew you out so you could celebrate together 

he loves traveling with you

even if its just a road trip or the two of you randomly decide to spend the weekend at a hotel that's thirty minutes from your house

changbin definitely knows what he wants in life so the second he decides you are the one for him he starts planning how he wants to spend his life with you

he loves having serious conversations with you about the future

changbin loves when the two of you invite all the boys over for dinner and it turns into a fancy dinner party and he cant help but picture you doing this five or six years from now and you have kids and are throwing dinner parties like this on the weekends

you too throw a HUGE Christmas party every year

like inviting lots of staff from the company and a bunch of family and friends 

so like one second you are talking to changbin’s sister and your mom then the next thing you know you are accidently bumping shoulders with fuckin BamBam from Got7 or Tzuyu from Twice and Jae is singing with Jisung in your living room

its like a huge fancy event that you and changbin throw at your place that you spend like a month planning for

everyone is dressed very nice and your house is spotless and flawlessly decorated with a brightly lit tree that you and changbin spent four hours decorating

by 9pm everyone is drunk on egg nog and opening presents from secret Santa 

changbin also never lets a Christmas go by without kissing you under the mistletoe 

the boys stay the night mostly because no one is sober enough to drag Jisung out of your house. 

So Christmas morning is always spent with the boys 

changbin always puts you first 

he is really considerate and always considers how his decisions will affect you (unless he’s trying to pay for something)

all in all changbin would just be the best boyfriend

congrat reader you landed an angel

Masterlist

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (12)

Warnings: negative emotions like heartbreak, envy etc, alcohol, excessive consumption of alcohol, making out etc.

Wc: 6.1k

You shot awake, groaning as you clutched the bed sheets tightly. Fuck, that was a terrible nightmare. You pushed the sheets off you, your skin feeling clammy and your hands sweaty.

"Y/n? You okay?" 

You turned to see Minho looking at you, his face covered in concern as he tentatively placed his hand on your arm, tilting his head.

"I'm fine..." You sighed and shook your head, sitting up straighter. "Really...it was just a bad dream." You mumbled, sliding out of the bed and glancing back at Minho with a reassuring smile. 

"Oh. Okay...' He stood up as well, adjusting the sheets and tucking them back in. 

"What do you want for breakfast?" 

You sighed and looked at the clock on Minho’s wall, pressing your lips together. "It's almost lunchtime. We definitely slept in...I am hungry, though." 

"Fine, call it brunch. Either way, it's food." He chuckled, heading out of the door as you followed him with a giggle.

Minho opened his fridge, glancing over at you. "Your phone was ringing at midnight, by the way. i was going to answer it but whoever it was gave up before I could pick up. I didn't want to wake you.” He said as he took out ingredients for omelettes, placing them on the counter. 

"Oh...it was probably Felix. I didn't exactly tell him I was staying at your place." 

"Ah, that explains it. Go, call him. I'll be done with this soon." he said, pointing to the currently empty pan.

You nodded and went back to the bedroom to grab your phone, heading to Minho's balcony as you dialled Felix’s number.

***

Felix was cleaning the dishes when he heard his phone ring. He looked over at the contact ID quickly, heaving a sigh of relief mixed with anger. He glanced at Chan before answering your call, putting you on speakerphone.

"Y/n! I was fucking worried sick! Chan told me you walked out without any explanation and then you didn't come back home, and-" 

"Woah woah, chill. I'm at Minho's, I stayed the night." 

"Oh..." Felix paused. He didn't miss the way Chan's already dull expression morphed into something even more sour at the mention of Minho’s name.

"I’m glad you're safe but...that still doesn't excuse what you did. You could have called. Instead, you let me worry." 

You sighed, guiltily. "I know...that was a dick move. I’m sorry, Lixie."

Felix sighed reluctantly. "I accept your apology, Y/n...you know I can't stay mad at you when you call me that." He pinched his forehead, trying not to let affection overcome him.

You giggled. "I know. My sunshine boy~ You can never be angry for too long, huh?" 

Felix fought off his smile, shaking his head. 'Yeah, enough of the buttering. You need to get back here soon, and help me with the decorations to show me you’re really sorry."

"Decorations?" You asked, confused as you heard Minho call out for you. Turning back around, you went back into the kitchen, grinning as you saw the buttery golden omelettes he'd placed on the plates. 

"They look so fluffy..." you mouthed, as Felix replied. "Yeah, for the party." he explained. "It's Jisung's birthday today, I thought you knew? Don’t tell me you forgot! The party's at our place-" 

"Oh! Fuck, I did forget about that, Lix- "

"It’s okay, just come home quick. Bring Minho if you’d like, we could definitely use the extra help." 

You nodded. "Sure, I'll be there right after breakfast." 

You shut down your phone, sitting down at the table and grabbing a fork, digging into the eggs. Minho looked up, swallowing before he spoke.

"Jisung’s birthday, huh? I can't believe you almost forgot. He's going to be very mad." Minho teased, waving his fork in the air at you and smirking.

"Too bad he'll never find out." You said smugly. "Right?"

"Right." Minho chuckled. "How are the eggs?"

"Amazing. Why are you and Felix such naturals at cooking? And then there's me, nearly burning down the kitchen the last time I tried." 

"Hey, it’s not your fault. It was the oven’s. We needed to fix it anyway." He laughed, continuing to eat his food. 

"I guess so." 

There was a comfortable silence for a bit as Minho watched you eat what he’d cooked for you. He hummed, realizing how calm he felt around you. Your presence made him feel so safe and secure. 

You seemed to really be enjoying what was on your plate. Moaning softly in appreciation, you took another bite, his cheeks flushing at the sound.

“This is...wow. Perfect.” You grinned up at him, chewing enthusiastically.

Minho wished he could cook for you every morning, for the rest of his life.

***

"You're finally here!" Felix shook his head, flinging the door open wide as he beckoned the two of you in. 

As you entered, your eyes immediately spotted Chan standing on the couch, hanging up a ‘Happy Birthday’ banner onto the wall. You inhaled sharply, your heart already beginning to pound errantly at the sight.

"We already did a lot of it without you..." he sighed. You gasped as you looked around the room, which had been completely transformed. There were tiny star-shaped lanterns hung from the ceilings, and the couch had been moved to the side, to provide space to dance. The living room was much cleaner, a stark contrast from how it looked yesterday.

"I know, I'm so sorry. I just overslept. Last night was weird. At least my headache is gone." You admitted. You felt Chan glance at you at that, quickly looking away before you could return his look.

Chan swallowed. His heart had dropped when he saw you and Minho walk into the room, together. One could only presume you'd stayed the night at his place. He felt overcome with jealousy, his chest rising and falling as he breathed heavily, desperately trying to focus on the task at hand.

Envy. It was an emotion he had always been quite familiar with, unlike happiness. The person he was envious of had been and still was Minho. Minho, who he'd used to call his best friend. 

First Miyoung, now you. Everything somehow circled back to him.

However, the jealousy he was feeling was a lot more profound this time. With Miyoung, there had been no illusions. Chan had been trying his best to win her over, but with no luck. Deep down, he’d known she was a lost cause.

With you, though...there was a time when he’d been almost sure you were the one, that you belonged to him...a time when he’d thought you were in love with him too. 

It wasn't like Chan to dream. He wasn't one to believe in happily ever afters, really. They just weren’t realistic enough...

But, for a brief moment, you had made him want one. 

Maybe that was why the bitter reveal had been all the more cruel... Minho, taking away what he considered his once more.

The thing was- Chan knew you were a human being. Not an object for him to claim. He wanted you to be happy...but would you be happy with Minho? He’d despised you back then. Chan still remembered the pure hatred that spewed out of Minho every time he talked about you. Had that been a ruse? Had he ever hated you? Or were you two secretly seeing each other the whole time, working together to undermine him and ruin the rest of his life?

Okay, so maybe that was a little far-fetched and absurd. Still...he didn’t know what to believe anymore.

Chan sighed and looked back at his banner, deciding to ignore the both of you.  

You tore your eyes away from Chan. Looking back at Felix, you hummed and tucked your hands in your pockets, breathing in.

"So, what do you want us to do?"

"Hm, let's see...we've got decorations and catering left. Minho can help me cook and you-" 

Your eyes widened. No way- Felix wouldn’t suggest you help Chan with the decorations, right? He knew better than to leave the two of you alone again.

You saw Chan freeze for a moment as well, although his back was turned away from you. Good to know he felt the same way.

Felix sensed the tension rising, quickly trying to salvage the situatiom. "Hm actually, Y/n... I think I’ll need your help with the food. Especially with the drink choices, you're always the best at that!" He turned to Minho, clapping his hands decidedly. 

"You can help Chan with the decorations, Min." 

Minho nodded after a moment of reluctance, grimacing as he went over to inspect the banner Chan was putting up. Felix took you to the kitchen as you heaved a sigh of relief, placing your hand on your chest. “That was a close call.”

He took out the menus he wanted you to pick from, as he watched your expression. 

"Why'd you leave last night, anyway?" He muttered sadly, carefully inspecting your face. 

You thought back on it. Why did you? Last night was kind of fuzzy in your mind, to be honest. You couldn’t even recall the final straw that had made you storm out of the house. It wasn’t like you to be this spontaneous. 

"Chan was annoying me, and making my headache worse. So I left." You shrugged. 

"...Right." Felix rolled his eyes. "Look, I didn't want to say anything at first, but you do realize we're all grown up now, right? It's time for us to put all that high school shit in the past. I know Chan did some pretty shitty things but is it really that hard to forgive him? Minho was terrible as well- maybe even worse, yet you forgave him." He pointed out. 

"Minho spent years grovelling and apologizing for his behavior. So what if he was mean, he's changed! It's clear to see. With Chan, I'm not so sure. I can feel the hate he has for me practically rolling off him.” You stared at the floor, trying not to let those memories overtake you. “Besides...I thought I told you. Chan’s betrayal hurt more cause I genuinely thought he cared about me.” You mumbled.

“Then again, I was stupid and naïve, so I don’t really have anyone else to blame but myself."

"Chan doesn't hate you..." 

"Really? I find that hard to believe." You raised an eyebrow. "If he’s a mature adult, I think he should come and try to talk to me about what he did. I'm not the one who did something wrong here, so I won't approach him. If he wants to apologize, he can."

You sighed as you pulled the menu over to yourself. "But, as long as he continues to be petty, you better believe I'll play his game." 

Felix sighed and nodded. "You know what...sure. Whatever." He made a mental note to himself, deciding to talk to Chan later. He couldn’t bear to stand on the sidelines any longer. He had to do something. 

"I'm staying at Minho’s until he leaves." You added, ripping Felix out of his thoughts. Humming, you examined the drinks menu he handed to you.

Felix shrugged, noting down the names of the drinks you circled. "Okay. Ooh, the old gang will all be here tonight!" He let himself smile, ignoring your icy demeanor. Looking up, he sighed as he noticed the scowl still present on your face. “Come on Y/n, lighten up! Let’s forget about Chan for a second, shall we? Forget about what he did to you. Forget about whether or not you want to forgive him. Just...treat him like you would any other normal person, okay?"

You groaned, standing up straight as you rubbed your forehead. Ugh, maybe you should listen to him. All these negative emotions were really exhausting, and you could definitely do without them. 

"Sure...fine. I can do that...I think." 

"Good girl.” He smiled proudly. “Now, let's do food..." 

***

Minho and Chan hadn't said a word to each other for the past hour. They communicated mainly through grunts and hand gestures, as they decorated the space in silence.

Between the mutual hate and jealousy, there wasn’t much room for a good relationship between them anymore. They were virtually strangers, and honestly would prefer to keep it that way. 

Chan kept glancing at Minho though, biting his lip. He inhaled, working up his courage to say something.

“So...how’s Y/n? Are you taking care of her?"

What kind of question was that? Minho frowned, nodding. "Uh...yeah?" 

Chan nodded, biting his lip as he looked at the decorations again. "Cool." He hated the way his heart was filled with dull hatred, anger and pain. A mass of negative emotions had settled in him over the years, and they definitely weren’t going to budge any time soon.

However...when he’d seen Minho again, some of the anger had melted away, kind of. The man was no longer the same person he’d been back then. More confident, yet also more vulnerable...he strangely reminded him of you, before you'd shattered your rosy view on life and opted for a more practical outlook.

There was an awkward silence as they continued their work. Minho felt guilt slam against his ribs as he caught a glimpse of Chan's face.

He looked void of hope. Calm, yet not in a good way. The kind of calm that came from losing everything.

There was a tiny part of him that wanted to make it all better for Chan. Tell the truth to you, and come clean. After all, Chan was once his closest friend. The two practically grew up together. Minho recalled how he’d go over to Chan’s every day after school, playing video games in his basement and generally horsing around. He smiled to himself as the memories came back to him. Memories of helping him steal his dad’s Playboy magazine...consuming an unhealthy amount of energy drinks and crisps as they hung out, content in each other’s company.

But then, he thought about you. No. He just couldn't lose you to Chan. Besides, he wasn’t even completely sure if the truth would make you forgive Chan. Maybe it would just turn you against Minho.

Chan was handsome...he was kind, muscular, loving. He would have no problem finding someone. 

Minho on the other hand...he'd never loved anyone the way he did you. The emotions were alien, and yet so exciting. It was confusing, really- he couldn’t tell if he liked these feelings or not. 

It wasn’t like he was stripping Chan of his soulmate or anything. It just wasn't a big deal. Right?

Then why was there so much fucking guilt, heavily weighing down his heart? Why was it impossible to breathe?

**

Despite having been thrown together last minute, the party was admittedly going well. The rest of the boys came soon after you and Minho, helping Felix finish off the preparations and transform the space.

Jisung of course, true to his nature, came ‘fashionably late’, after the rest of the guests had already arrived. His grand entrance lacked the raining confetti he’d initially wanted, but it was still cool. After all, he should have known putting Hyunjin in charge of it was a bad idea.

By now, the party was in full swing. Jisung loved being the centre of attention, and that little fact was made increasingly evident with the way he was dancing in the middle of the living room, a pink feather boa thrown around his shoulders. There were drinks being passed around everywhere, people dancing and having fun in every corner. it reminded you of the few college parties you'd gone to. 

College, safe to say, weren’t exactly the best years of your life. You didn't really have any friends, and Chan had been on your mind throughout it all. He was a barrier; blocking you from living your life as a normal person.

He sat in the back of your mind, a memory from high school that threatened to never leave you. To always stick with you, reminding you that you weren't worthy. You weren't deserving of his love...all you did was play the part of a tool, to help him get the girl he was really after. Was that really all you were good for?

It wasn’t Chan you were hung up on. The implications were what truly hurt. The thought that you wouldn’t ever be worth enough to anyone, the thought that love just didn’t exist for you.

You stood in the corner with Felix, sighing as you finished your third shot of the evening. Forget it. Focus on the party right now, the one you’re supposed to supervise. 

Nodding your head to the beat, you looked over the crowd. "Damn, Changbin's a really good DJ. We saved so much money on that one..." You eyed a drunken party goer almost knocking over the vase on the table, wincing. 

"This place is going to be a fucking mess by tonight, and I'm sure at least one thing will end up broken. It’s good we managed to save some money." You sighed, and Felix nodded. "Amen to that. It’ll be a nightmare to clean.'' Felix sighed, running his eyes over the floor which was already covered with a thin layer of trash. 

Minho suddenly slid next to the two of you, swallowing the remnants of the clear liquid in his glass as he grabbed your arm. His words were already slurred, and he’d definitely had a lot more drinks than you.

"Don't worry, we'll all help clean up! What are we here for?”

“Hm, does that mean you guys will be staying here overnight?”

Your eyes widened slightly. No. Minho noticed your expression, humming thoughtfully before shaking his head.

“Can’t. My cats. They don’t like being alone for too long." He took your hand in his. "Y/n and I will be here early tomorrow morning to clean up." 

You looked up at him thankfully, and then back at Felix. "Yeah." 

He eyed the two of you, gaze flitting from one to the other. "Okay...sure.”

The music was way too loud, the floor and walls thrumming to the beat. The three of you relaxed against the wall, collectively watching as the man Hyunjin was dancing with whispered something in his ear, a cheeky smile gracing his face. The bedroom eyes were clear to see, even from here.

You frowned, narrowing your eyes at the sight. "Oh god, please tell me he's not going to-" 

Hyunjin smirked, taking the man's hand and leading him off in the opposite direction, through the small crowd. 

Your eyes widened. "I swear to god, if it’s my room they’re going to be fucking in, I’ll-" 

Felix giggled as he patted your back sympathetically, Minho holding you back and chuckling. "Hey, hey- it's ok. I’m sure they won’t go all the way here, they’ll probably just make out in the bathroom and then go back to his place. Don’t worry." 

You groaned and slumped in Minho’s hold. "I guess Hyunjin does know better." 

Felix hummed in agreement, chortling. He looked over at the plates on the table that were gradually emptying, and sighed.

"Guys, wait here for a bit. Gotta refill those." 

You nodded as Felix left for the kitchen, turning back to Minho. Sighing, you leaned against the wall as you looked around the room properly. 

"You and Chan did a good job on the decorations." 

"It was mostly him." Minho exhaled. You pressed your lips together, shrugging. 

The room was dimly lit in a purple glow thanks to the lamp in the corner, as well as the plenty of stars that were hung from the ceilings. It was beautiful, and you were a little miffed that none of the guests were sober enough to truly appreciate it.

Jisung danced over to the two of you suddenly, shaking his neck and laughing loudly. "Hey you two!!” He wiggled his body to the music, grinning. “Come on guys, stop being wallflowers and come partaayyyy!" 

You chuckled and shook your head. "I don't know about-"

Jisung pouted at you, coming really close to you and placing his hands on your shoulders. "Pleeeaaase? For the birthday boy?" he asked, his eyes big and puppy like, his lips formed into a pout. 

You stared him down, but just couldn't resist as a smile broke out on your face. "Ugh, fine." 

"Good girl!" Jisung exclaimed drunkenly as Minho smirked, chuckling to himself as Jisung took his hand as well as yours, leading the two of you into the crowd. 

Jeongin was on the floor as well, surprisingly dancing up a storm as he grinned at you. Ah well. If Jeongin could, why not you? You might as well take advantage of the buzzing in your veins.

You immediately started dancing, moving your body to the beat and trying your best to look graceful and sexy. However, the alcohol was messing with your system, and it was difficult for you to coordinate your moments right. 

Minho laughed fondly at your failed attempts. It was adorable, how you danced like a baby giraffe learning how to walk. 

"Hey." He grabbed both of your arms, making you look at him. You looked into his eyes, a questioning look in them. 

Minho inhaled. He almost forgot what he was going to say. Fuck that, he almost even forgot his own name. Did he have to feel like this every single time you so much as glanced at him?

"I'll help...this is how you dance." He moved behind you, pressing your back to his chest lightly. Your breathing turned shaky as he started guiding your movements carefully.

"See...like that. Got it?" 

You nodded. "I think so..." You continued dancing, now looking a lot more sensual and less like a baby animal.

You got the hang of it soon enough. Minho was about to let go of you, but you held onto him before he could. 

“Dance with mee.” You giggled, pouting up at him. He smiled down at you, inhaling. 

“Okay~”

***

Chan watched from across the room as Minho and you danced, pressed to each other. He downed yet another shot, hoping the stinging alcohol would help him forget his worries and pain, at least just for a bit. 

Fuck envy. It was definitely the worst of them all. Despite the anger he had towards you, all he wanted to do was march onto that dance floor and pull you away from Minho. He wanted to be the one dancing with you instead.

He was so...so unsatisfied. The alcohol melted away his inhibitions, and now his emotions were all over the place, even more so than before.

Unsatisfied. That was it. He wasn't able to be productive, wasn't doing anything with his life merely because of his unfinished business with you. 

He knew he couldn’t blame you. You’d definitely come to know about the bet, probably why you’d left him. Although why Minho? God, the shock of seeing you two together that day was still fresh.

You were more than just a bet to him, and he wished you knew that. More than a blue book. 

You were...you. You were the prettiest, sweetest, most talented girl he’d ever met. 

You’d changed since the last time he saw you. More cynical. Rough, defensive. He didn't blame you. That...that was his fault. The reason why you were like that.

Despite that, he could still see traces of the old you. The you he’d fallen in love with. It had not gone anywhere, really. It was still inside you...somewhere.

Chan was starting to feel profound regret at the way he’d treated you. Was it stupid of him to think you’d still want him, after learning what he’d done to you? 

Chan sat up as he watched Minho's hand slide around your stomach, pulling you closer to him. 

Fuck, he almost wanted to throw up. He felt the anger course back into him, anger directed at you, at Minho, at his parents, everything.

That was it. He couldn't watch this, sitting in the corner drinking booze like some sort of pathetic idiot. 

No, you had to get a taste of your own medicine. 

Chan noticed the blonde in the crowd who had been eyeing him for ages. She was pretty enough, her features soft and smooth. On top of that, she was wearing possibly the shortest red dress he'd ever seen. Her fake tan was excessive, her cleavage abundant. 

In other words, she was perfect. Perfect for him to use as he put his drunken plan into action.

Chan stood up, finishing off his drink and setting the glass down. He made his way into the crowd, sidling up to the blonde. 

She smiled welcomingly, blinking up at him through her eyelashes. He grinned, glancing to the side as he moved closer to her. 

Hm, you hadn't noticed yet. He had to step it up. 

Placing his hands on her waist, he started moving her to the beat. Slowly he brought her closer to Minho and you, hoping that you would just look over for a second-

FInally! You noticed! A triumphant smirk formed on his face.

He wanted you to know that he didn’t need you. He wanted you to feel at least a little bit of the envy he was feeling. Again, it was the small victories that counted.

***

Your eyes wandered back to Minho, your throat feeling constricted as you tried your best to avoid the sight of Chan and the girl.

It was painful. So fucking painful. 

You still haven’t moved on from him, as much as you would have liked to. Watching him dance with her was leaving a bad taste in your mouth, your throat going dry.

They were all over each other. Her hands were around his shoulders and his were on her waist, their lips dangerously close as the racy music filled the room. 

You knew you were in a similar position with Minho at the moment, though. It was the alcohol blurring the lines, or you wouldn't be caught in such a compromising position with him, really. 

Still. This was different...right?

Fuck it, you just wanted an excuse to be angry at him. 

Chan somehow pulled the girl in closer, his hands slowly creeping down her waist and towards her ass. You swallowed and looked back at Minho before those hands could find their destination. Minho was looking at you with his eyebrow raised, his hands a little tighter on you.

"Everything okay, hm?" 

"Kinda..."

"Are you sure?" 

When you didn’t reply, Minho followed your gaze to Chan and the blonde, and then back to you. He put two and two together, sighing deeply.

"You deserve better, Y/n. You've got to move on." Minho swallowed. 

Yes, you did deserve better. Better than Chan, and better than him. You deserved someone who didn't keep any secrets from you, someone who would never even think of manipulating you. 

He despised himself for what he'd done. The way he behaved. As every second passed, the guilt grew. But how could he tell you? How could he even stand the chance of losing you? 

It was his fault. Everything was his fault. 

You noticed the sudden devastated expression on his face, frowning and cupping his cheeks to make him look at you. 

"Minho...are you okay?" 

"Mhm." Minho mumbled. "Uh...I need to go to the bathroom." His face was white as he let go of you swiftly, stumbling away as quickly as he could and disappearing in the crowd. 

You watched as he left, puzzled. Fuck, now you were alone. Just great.

You groaned under your breath, feeling Chan's gaze on you. Turning around slightly, you tried to avoid him, but unfortunately your eyes had already moved of their own accord.

His lips were on her neck, her back turned to you. However, he was looking right at you, an intoxicated smirk creeping on his face as he ran his eyes over you, all alone in the middle of a dancing crowd.

Biting your lip, you clenched your fists. You turned around, wading through the sweaty, grinding bodies, and made your way to the kitchen. You needed some peace and quiet. 

You filled up a glass of water, lifting it to your lips. The cool liquid ran down your throat, making you sigh in relief. It was so refreshing, a sharp contrast to the alcohol you’d been consuming all night.

You turned around, ready to go back into the room and find Minho when you slammed into a firm chest, blocking your exit.

Ugh. This couldn't be happening. 

"Move." 

"Shh.'' Chan shook his head, placing a finger under your chin and forcing you to look up at him. He caged you against the counter with his other arm, his eyes glazed over.

"Look. We both know- hic- that you and I have incomplete business-" 

You groaned, pushing him away slightly. "You're drunk, Chan." 

"I am not." He glared at you, placing his hand over his annoyingly broad chest, an offended look on his face. "Just a little tipsy, that's all..." 

You cringed, looking past him at the crowd. Ugh, where was Minho? Where was Felix? 

"Look at me..." 

You looked back at Chan, inhaling sharply. "What do you want?" 

Chan looked taken aback at your tone. He recovered slowly, stepping back and humming.

"I want…” He closed his eyes, sighing. “I want to know why you hate me." He said, his tone surprisingly even considering the amount of alcohol he’d knocked back.

"I- are you seriously asking me that question right now?" You asked incredulously. Seriously, how fucking dense could he be? 

"I am, Y/n. answer me." His slurred voice turned into a growl as he leaned in close. 

"I was nothing but nice to you, when no one else was...I loved you, I-"

You scoffed, interrupting him. "Oh wow, thank you so much.” You said sarcastically. “I think you and I both know all that was fake. You were fake, Chan- it didn't mean anything to you-" 

Chan slammed his hand on the counter next to you, making you flinch. 

"But it did! It fucking meant everything to me. It was the only thing that ever meant anything, and I'm sorry it had to happen the way it did, sorry I lost that damn boo-" 

"A simple sorry is not going to make me forgive you." You shook your head. "Get off me, Chan." 

"I don't want you to forgive me! For fuck's sakes, I just-" He breathed in, his voice turning soft as he ran a hand through his hair, his breathing shaky. 

"I just want to know why you chose him over me. He- he was worse-" 

"Huh?" His words were too slurred for you to recognize. "Look, Chan-" 

"Shut up." Chan shook his head, leaning in further. For a second, he scanned your eyes with his.

Fuck, he couldn’t believe he was about to do this. 

Inhaling softly, he smashed his lips against yours. 

It took you by complete surprise. Your heart felt like it was exploding- like a million, elephant sized butterflies were threatening to burst out. Shit, his lips were so fucking soft.

Was this actually happening?

It was. Insistent, yet gentle...his lips were all you could focus on. It felt overwhelmingly real, nothing like a dream. 

Warm. He’s so warm...

You resisted him for all of half a second, before melting into the kiss. Your hands snaked around his neck as he placed his under your thighs, lifting you up onto the counter. You were quickly getting yourself lost in him, the feeling of his lips on yours so familiar and yet so new. 

"Can't- can't get enough of you, don't think I ever will-" He mumbled incoherently against your mouth, his grip on you tight as he pressed against you.

Your mind was completely blank. There was no pride or anger in your head anymore, just Chan Chan Chan. His plump lips, moving against yours so passionately and swallowing all your breaths. It was partly due to the alcohol, yes- but also all the tension. Years of wondering if this moment would happen again.

And now it was.

“Chan-” You whispered into the kiss, tears pricking at your eyes.

This was a bad idea, it really was- you shouldn't be kissing him back like this. You were supposed to be mad at him- you were supposed to prove to him that you'd moved on. That you wouldn't let anyone use you like that ever again.

And yet here you were, right back at square 1. 

"Please, please..." he whispered, nipping at your already swollen lips with fervor as he dove right back in, caressing your back. 

His heart was pounding, unable to believe you were actually in his arms. Shit, he knew this was such a terrible idea. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

It was wrong, he knew it. Even if he believed he loved you more than Minho ever could, it was still wrong. You weren't his, and he had to learn to accept that. 

But...he needed one last kiss. One last kiss to let him know if you were a lost cause, or if you truly were meant to be his. He wanted to know. And so he deepened the kiss further, making you let out a small squeak that only made him want you more.

"Guys?" 

Chan pulled away, dropping you to the floor quickly as soon as he heard Seungmin's voice. 

Seungmin eyed the two of you, suspicion covering his face. You swallowed, subtly pulling down your skirt as you blinked, trying to adjust to the light that flooded your eyes. “Seung-”

Shit. Was that Minho, slumped against Seungmin’s body? 

He looked between the two of you, sighing as he saw your eyes on Minho. Minho’s eyes were closed, his forehead covered in sweat and his body limp. You moved forward, quickly rushing over to his side. “What happened?”

"Found him in the bathroom. He threw up, was crying on the floor. He didn’t tell me why...I’m assuming he’s just way too drunk." 

Minho looked up slowly, blinking and staring at you as he registered your face. "Y/n...." he stretched out an arm towards you, whining.

Seungmin groaned, Minho's weight clearly too much for him to support. "Y/n, please take him home. He needs rest. I'll explain to Jisung."

You couldn't look at Chan as you nodded. You carefully trained your stare on Minho as you went over to Seungmin, letting him transfer the man to you. 

"Min...you okay?"

He shook his head, gasping as he tried to take oxygen in. His eyes travelled past you, landing on a very remorseful Chan, his face covered in embarrassment.

You bit your lip, stroking his hair. “I’ll get him to the car. Tell Felix we’re going home, okay?” 

Seungmin nodded, heading back into the living room to find Felix after shooting a last glance at Chan.

You pressed down the urge to look back at him. Don’t do it, Y/n. You need to go home and re-evaluate your decision-making. Fuck, why didn’t you push him away?

You ignored the delightful tingling of your lips as you helped Minho out, most of the partiers completely oblivious as you dragged him out to the car, with a lot of difficulty.

You opened the passenger door with one hand, helping Minho in. He looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep, his mouth slightly open as he let out a soft snore. Chuckling to yourself, you patted his head before getting into the driver’s seat. You weren’t drunk enough to warrant calling a taxi, so you might as well save some money.

Tonight was...eventful, to say the least. 

Minho cracked one eye open slowly, watching as you drove. His eyes were burning, his throat aching. He hated feeling like this, he really did. He wished he hadn’t gotten this drunk. The alcohol and his sudden overflow of emotions did not mix well, and had ultimately resulted in him bent over the toilet bowl.

There was only one way to get rid of this fucking guilt. Minho wasn’t quite sure yet if he could go through with it, though.

There was a lot of thinking to do.

***

Chan stood near the counter. He couldn’t bring himself to move, his eyes unfocused as he replayed the scenes over and over in his head.

He couldn’t believe he’d done that. The one thing he’d told himself not to do. Don’t fall for her again. You got your heart broken once, why are you so eager to let it happen once more? 

Regret. It was on all three minds, tonight. 

[waithyuck]

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don��t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 9)

word count: 4k

angst, fluff

(part 8) (series masterlist)

tag list: @chogiout​ ; @seonghwaslut​ ; @psshwa​ ; @yeocult​ ; @cherryeonii​ ; @chaoticbanqtan​ ; @8teenee​ ; @nczenniez​ ; @atinyarmyx1​ ; @mingtopiaa​ ; @chubsluda​ ; @joongiebug​ ; @mochibabycakes​ ; @jisungity​ ; @skz-on-my-mind​ ; @nlost21​ ; @myonlyaurora​ ; @closer-stars​ ; @kuaenam3g​ ; @byungaji​ ; @floweryjh​ ; @joeycheungg​ ; @lostscenarios​ ; @atinyxtopia​ ; @sanisms​ ; @kpopnightingale​ ; @simpforhyunjin​ ; @89staytinyzen21​ ; 

july had come and gone, leaving your heart full of excitement and warmth as you and seonghwa continued to grow closer. you guys didn’t go a day without seeing one another, joining the boys down at the ocean to surf, going on late night dates to the beach or just staying wrapped up under his arm on the balcony. 

he had even braved it out at another bingo night and barbecue party, the women even more bold and bothered than the last time they saw him. 

when august came, it hit that you only had a month left. you only had a month left with seonghwa and your aunt and both crazy friend groups that leave you all so flustered, it can only make you laugh. 

but it also hit you with the realization that you’d have to go back to your parents. go back to being spoken to with not an ounce of respect and remember what it feels like to walk on eggshells. 

because when you walked outside your balcony one morning, expecting to see seonghwa standing there, you were met with the sight of your parents car pulling in the driveway. 

it immediately filled your stomach with dread and anxiety and fear, so different from the way you get nervous here. 

you get nervous because seonghwa is too close to you, teasing at your lips with his and snaking his hand over every curve of your body; not because you think you’re gonna be yelled and screamed at for hours.

you get nervous because you’re scared of how much it feels like you love him and how no one’s ever made you feel this way, not because you’re gonna be hit and slapped in a way that leaves you aching for days after.

you run down the stairs and look wide eyed at your aunt who attempts to calm you with her soft expression, exaggerating her breathing and telling you “everything is gonna be okay,” before opening the door to greet them; you’re grateful that the hickies seonghwa had given you last week have faded, already knowing your parents would look at them and probably call you a whore.

but they barely acknowledge your presence when they walk in, your dad’s curt “good morning,” followed by your mom’s “hi, dear,” so forced and fake it makes you wanna scream. 

breakfast is as awkward as things usually are with them, utensils clattering against plates as your aunt tries her best to make conversation. but you’re far too tense and anxious to try, not trusting the demeanor of your parents more than usual. 

they wear a serious, blank expression like they’re about to tell you someone died. or maybe that they’re getting a divorce or disowning you; that would be best case scenario to be honest, never having to see them-

“we thought we should tell you that we moved.”

you stare blankly at your dad as the words leave his mouth, blinking a few times as you try to grasp what he just said. 

you know he actually said it because you can see the way your aunt’s face has dropped, looking at your parents in disbelief like she wants to say something but also knows she shouldn’t get involved. 

“what?” you eventually stammer out, your eyes wide and voice quiet. 

“i got a new job so we sold the house and bought a new one,” your father tells you bluntly, like he’s explaining some sort of difficult concept to a toddler. you feel your stomach knot at the idea of never going back to your old house again; you’d grown up in that bedroom. 

you had tiny pencil marks on the inside of your closet because your classmate told you her mom would do that to track her height. you painted the ugly neon green a pretty pastel blue when you started middle school, in disbelief the two people staring coldly at you even allowed it. 

“why do you look so pissy?” your mom suddenly snaps, your aunt calling her name lowly snapping you out of your memories. you feel tears prick your eyes at her irritable tone, not at all used to be spoken to like that these days. 

“i’m not,” you say quietly, the way your stomach is so tight making you feel ready to throw up your waffles and fruit. “i’m just...shocked. why didn’t you guys tell me?”

“your father didn’t know until-”

“why are you entitled to know anything?” your father snaps, causing your skin to prickle and shoulders to shoot up anxiously. “what do you contribute?” 

you let out a sigh at the familiar comment being thrown in your face, that you’re the child and they’re the parents so you’re not entitled to any say in matters like this. 

“i just wish i had known so i could-”

“so you could what? say bye to all your friends?” you mom bites sarcastically, such a juvenile insult falling from a grown woman’s mouth. but even if it’s petty and mean, it’s the truth and you can’t find it in yourself to even comment. 

“why do you have to say those things?” your aunt asks quietly, looking at her sister with questioning eyes. “you haven’t seen your daughter in two months. why can’t you be nice to her?”

“how ‘bout you stay out of this?” your mom bites back, your eyes narrowing at the tone she uses toward your aunt. you push your plate away and there’s an awkward silence between the four of you, your aunt recommending for everyone to get some air and sit outside. 

but the fresh air proves to do nothing, the silence still suffocating and making you so incredibly anxious. 

this would be the time at home where yelling would start, your dad’s dark eyes and your mom’s snarled lip making you more and more tense until one of their hands connect with your cheek for whatever reason they can think of. 

“so, what town are you in now?” your aunt asks, wincing slightly when it only sends your mom into another bitchy fit. your dad’s hard eyes remain on you, jaw squared as he looks over your face. 

“you’re an ungrateful little bitch, do you know that?” he growls lowly, the words going unheard by your mom and aunt. tears prick your eyes as you look down at the table, gritting your teeth and squeezing your hands together so you don’t yell at him and defend yourself. 

“you’re sitting here with a fucking puss on your face because we moved without telling you?” he continues to sneer despite the fact you’re so obviously detached and over it. “how ‘bout you never come back then? stay with your aunt and finish school here?”

“okay,” you blurt out, eyes still focused on the table until his hand smacking down on the glass causes you to jump and push back in your chair. you’re tempted to run around the table so he can’t reach over and grab you, your dad standing up before he thinks twice about doing what he really wants to. 

“you are such a-”

“oops sorry!” 

yunho’s voice sends shock waves through you, peeking into the backyard next door and seeing the blue-haired boy and seonghwa looking over at you; the dirty blonde’s eyes are pinched and dark, watching you since the second you stepped outside.

he saw how uncomfortable and tense you’d been, the way your eyes have focused on the table and how any time you peer up, it looks like you’re about to burst into tears. 

your eyes travel to the football laying right beside the pool as you mumble “i’ll get it,” quickly moving around your aunt and past your mother to grab it. 

seonghwa meets you at the fence and your fingers graze when he takes the ball, his eyes zoning in on you so intensely it makes you wanna throw yourself into him.

“you okay?” he mumbles quietly, not trying to alert his friends or the...company your aunt has. you press your lips together because you know if you talk, you’re gonna start to sob; you can only find it in yourself to shake your head slightly, biting at your lips nervously and feeling your heart sink when his face darkens. 

“baby, what’s wrong?” 

he hears a quiet whimper leave your mouth and is about ready to jump over this fence, take you away from whatever’s making you so anxious and upset until he sees a small, fake smile on your face again.

“can i text you later,” you whisper out, your back feeling like it’s burning with someone’s gaze on you. seonghwa’s eyes move behind your shoulder and narrow, his jaw tightening and demeanor changing to look completely murderous. 

you mumble out a “stop,” shaking your head slightly and hearing him let out a huff. 

“as soon as you can,” he demands lowly, his voice raising every so slightly when he thanks you and reluctantly goes back to yunho. you turn around to see both of your parents looking at you suspiciously, walking as far away from your mom’s seat before plopping back down in yours. 

“hm...” you hear your mom hum, her eyebrow raised as she looks at you skeptically. “so, what exactly have you been doing here all summer, y/n?”

by the time your parents leave at sunset, your nerves are completely shot. 

it felt as if they were breathing down your neck the entire time, going down to the beach and out for a light dinner with strained conversation and awkward, prolonged stares. 

the second you heard their car pull out of the driveway, you slumped down onto the couch and put your face in your hands. 

your aunt frowned and immediately made her way over to you, placing her arm around your shoulder comfortingly. she apologized to you quietly, said that she’s sorry they moved without your permission and that you have to go back there and can’t live with her. 

because she’d allow it in a second and it’s awful that your parents would never go for it despite the way they treat you.

“i don’t know why they’re so mean,” you whimper and the words hurt the older woman’s hearts. it sounds like a sentence that should leave a child and not a teenage girl. but they’ve made you so scared and broken and hurt that they’ve reduced you to a fragile woman. 

“i know, i’m sorry,” she says lowly, squeezing you into her tighter and you can’t stop the way your lips wobble. you’re able to hold back the tears as she speaks quietly to you, tries to help by telling you you’re strong and that you have her and that you’ll be able to get through the next two years with them. 

but it really doesn’t feel like it. 

you feel like you’re about to have a complete breakdown and you only want seonghwa right now. you want him so badly but you also don’t want him to see you like this. see just how broken and sad and pathetic you are, an unloved girl who should be used to this mistreatment by now. 

it should be able to just slide off your shoulders and not effect you. but it doesn’t and you can’t help the way tears prick your eyes. 

“you should go see him,” you hear your aunt say to you. 

you crane your neck up to look at her, eyebrows pulled together because how does she know? but she only smiles knowingly at you, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear lovingly. “he looked...worried before, even a bit scary.” 

you smile slightly at her words, feeling your heart tug because you really do want him right now. but what a sad way to make him spend the night, crying on his shoulder and making him coddle you. 

“i don’t...wanna bother him,” you tell her quietly. you feel her shake her head as she lets out a sigh, looking out the window and you can’t see the way a smile suddenly lights up her face. 

“something tells me he won’t mind,” she tells you, tapping on your shoulder and nodding her head toward the window. 

you squint your eyes but can’t see anything, walking toward the front door to see seonghwa making his way over from yunho’s. 

he stops in front of the house and nods his head at you, your lips pouting as they threaten to tremble. you make sure your phone is in your back pocket before you say goodbye to your aunt, assuring her you’ll text her if you’re staying out late.

you stare at your feet as you walk to him, praying you’ll spare him at least an hour before you completely break down and let out all of the pain and anxiety coursing through you. 

but when you stand in front of him and meet his eyes, you’re not feeling too confident. 

he smiles down at you and takes your hand in his, intertwining your fingers as he pulls you into him. you wrap your arm around his waist, burying your face in his chest and letting out the shaky breaths that tighten your chest when you’re trying so desperately not to cry.

he only rubs at your back slowly, the gentle hum of “it’s okay,” on your head causing you to shake yours. 

because it’s not okay. you’re not okay and now that you’ve had happiness, it’s gonna hurt ten times worse when it’s ripped from you. 

you don’t wanna leave him or this town and deal with everything that comes with having two assholes as parents. you don’t wanna be alone again after years of convincing yourself that that’s what you wanted when really you absolutely hate it. 

that’s what makes the first tear fall and when he hears the broken little sob that leaves your mouth, he takes your face in his hands and shakes his head. 

“please don’t,” he says quietly, rubbing at the tears that start to leak down your face. 

you move out of his hold and hide away right when he says that, wipe at your tears as you back away from him because you were right. he doesn’t wanna deal with this and he shouldn’t have to. he doesn’t owe you anything and he shouldn’t have to put up with your crying and-

“what are you doing?”

his eyes narrow at the way you’re retreating away from him, your face fallen and dejected as tears continue to gather in your eyes. 

“i’m sorry, i know you don’t wanna deal with this,” you say meekly, “and you shouldn’t have to. but- but i know i’m gonna cry and i don’t want you to get annoyed or mad so i’ll just-”

he takes two steps closer to you before pulling you into him roughly, your body slamming against his as he places his hand on the back of your head. “i didn’t mean it like that,” he says, voice soft and quiet but also holding a certain authoritative tone. “i just hating seeing you cry, y/n.” 

you squeeze your lips into a firm line so you don’t start again, sniffling against him as you slightly relax into his warm chest. he presses a kiss to your head and plays with the back of your hair, his hand moving through it gently as he tries to soothe you. 

he knew the second he saw you earlier that this was gonna happen. he was hoping it wouldn’t but knew it probably would, the way your eyes were so tense and body on edge when he saw you in that extremely uncomfortable backyard. 

“why do they hate me,” you suddenly whimper into his chest. 

it’s a question you’ve had for years now, something that haunts every bit of you and will probably for the rest of your life. but it’s just so incredibly disturbing and you can even see that, knowing the way your chest is hurting and stomach is knotting shouldn’t be because you’re thinking about seeing your own parents again. 

he pulls you away from his chest and takes your face in his hands again, running his thumbs over your face and you can’t even see through your tears how sad his eyes look. he can’t say anything because he doesn’t have an answer for you. he can’t imagine why anyone would and it makes him even more angry that it’s your own flesh and blood doing this to you.

it’s why he doesn’t even bother trying to reassure you with words, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and allowing his lips to linger as quiet sobs leave you. he’s actually surprised by how low your cries are, like you’ve learned how to control them with years of practice. 

his heart sinks when it doesn’t seem like you’re gonna stop any time soon, kissing your forehead when he forces your head up to look at him. “i know you’re sad, baby, and i’m sorry but let’s go back to my house, okay?” 

because the last thing he wants is yunho and the boys to be leaving his house and seeing you in hysterics. 

your lip quivers at his softly spoken words, one in particular, before you’re nodding your head and he’s pulling into his car. he doesn’t let go of your hand the whole time, one of his hands on the steering wheel while the other is intertwined with yours, thumb rubbing soothingly against your skin as you wipe at the tears falling down your cheeks.

fifteen minutes later, you’re on his bed and cuddled into his chest. his warm blanket surrounds you as he rubs your back, grateful that you’re no longer sobbing but instead sniffling against him. he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask if you wanna talk or if you’re okay, just allows you silence and comfort with his lips on your head. 

and that’s all you really need. 

because you just lay there with him, tucked into his body and you would’ve thought he was asleep if it wasn’t for the way his hand was rubbing up and down your shoulder blade. 

you pick your head up and wipe at your face, seonghwa taking your chin in his hand so he can press his lips to yours sweetly. it’s a soft, chaste kiss that was purely for comfort and assurance, nothing more to it other than him wanting you to know he’s here for you without saying it.

“we’re moving,” he hears you say quietly, voice scratchy and wet from your crying. “well, we moved already, i guess. they sold the house and got a new one without telling me.” 

he doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything, just presses a kiss to the side of your head and pulls your body into him in hopes you’ll continue.

“and i mean it’s not like i had friends to say goodbye to or anything,” your moms harshly spoken words ringing in your head. “but i don’t know...it still upsets me. and they called me ungrateful and all they’re usually insults. but i was just shocked. i’ll have to start at a new school, too.”

he swallows down the curses threatening to leave his mouth, running his finger over your cheek again. “know it’s easier said than done but you can’t listen to them,” seonghwa says lowly. because his inexperience is starting to show now, the way he doesn’t really know how to comfort or relate to people with words but wanting to so badly. “none of the shit they say matters because it’s wrong.”

you sniffle at the words so similar to your aunt’s and nod your head, resting your cheek back down on his chest and sighing contently when his lips brush your hair. 

"i don't wanna leave," you squeak out quietly, the words hanging heavy because that's a truth he's been running from as well. that the summer is gonna end and he's gonna go back to his normal, fake life and persona. the seonghwa who doesn't have feelings or show his emotions, who is cold and an asshole and thinks he's too good for anyone.

"i don't wanna stay with them anymore. i don't wanna leave you and everyone else and go back to that stupid new house with them being there," you cry out like a child, feeling the relentless tears prick at your eyes again. "i'm gonna miss you, seonghwa. i feel... so safe with you.”

his heart pangs with hurt at the brokenness in your voice, taking your face in his hands immediately so you can look up at him again. "i'm right here, baby, i'm not going anywhere."

you swallow the lump in your throat at his words, wishing they’d soothe something in you but the feeling ripping through your chest outweighing it. “but you’re gonna. we’re both gonna leave and i might not ever see you again and you’ll forget about me and then-

“who said that?” he asks you lowly, bringing your face toward his so his eyes can drop down to yours. “who said we’re never gonna see each other again and that i’m gonna forget you?”

the words die in your throat at the intensity in his tone, his eyebrow raised as he waits for an answer you don’t have. 

“exactly,” he hums lowly, bringing your face to his so he can kiss your mouth again. this time it’s a little more hard and sloppy, his mouth claiming yours as his lips part before he’s pulling away and leaving you with a pout on your face. 

“don’t say that shit to me again,” he warns lowly, his tone deep and low and making butterflies go off in your stomach. “i have you now, so let’s focus on that. we’ll deal with...all the other stuff when we have to.” 

you breathe in the scent of his shirt, trying so hard to get the words to calm you so you can enjoy these moments with him. 

you still have four weeks, you think to yourself, you still have 28 days to spend with him. smile and laugh and play in the ocean, kiss him until your lips are puffy and red while exploring his body the way he explores you and show him that for the summer, you’ve been his. 

so you nod your head against him, looking up to smile softly at him. and he’s so glad to see it, biting down on his lip and pressing pecks to your forehead, nose and lips in a way that makes a blush promptly spread across your cheeks. 

“okay,” you say quietly. he smiles down at you, his eyes roaming your blushing face before he cups your cheek and rubs over the warm skin. 

he admires every part of you in a way that is far too intimate and vulnerable, it makes your heart tug in your chest. your eyes don’t leave his as he caresses your skin gently, in disbelief that this is the same boy who bumped into you on the beach and scared the shit out of you. 

“you wanna watch a movie?” he asks a few moments later, when the silence becomes too much for both of you to bear and he pushes down the desire to keep kissing you until your clothes are on the floor and he hears your pretty, soft moans. 

you nod your head and can’t believe when you playfully suggest finding dory, he puts it on without hesitation. 

the next morning, soft kisses on your cheek wake you up. your eyes flutter open and you see seonghwa, dirty blonde hair a mess of waves as he leans over your body. 

“morning baby,” he says quietly and your stomach flutters at those deep words being the first thing to greet you. 

you roll over onto him, stretching your arms out and hearing him chuckle when a tiny groan leaves you. he runs his hand through your messy hair, leaning down to peck your forehead before mumbling something about going to get breakfast.

you perk up slightly at the mention of food, looking around in a daze before coming to the decision you don’t ever wanna this bed today. “can we stay here today?” you ask him shyly, shimming over to him so you can wiggle your way into his lap. 

he smiles at the rare occurrence of you curling yourself into him unprompted, wrapping his arm around your lower back. “we can do anything you want,” he hums in your ear, pressing a kiss to your skin in a way that makes you giggle against him. 

and for the rest of the day, you do just that; whatever you want. 

which entailed eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in his bed. swapping from movies to tv series during the day before going for a stroll on the beach at sunset. you watch your footsteps in the sand, your hands intertwined in the middle of you before you’re both standing in front of the rock where you first met. 

and it’s with one silent look you both make your way up there, leaning your back against his chest as you rest between his legs and watch the sun set in a peaceful silence. the only sound is the occasional peck of his lips on your head, your giggle shortly following that makes him tighten his hold on you. 

with your head on his chest and his arms around you, you can’t help but hope that tomorrow, you’re gonna wake up next to him again. that just for this weekend, you have him completely to yourself in every possible way. 

(part 10)